#like... all of them are so smart and talented
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Okay I want to talk about this moment between Morrible and Glinda for a sec because it adds such a wonderfully sinister layer to a scene that is otherwise a triumphant defining moment for Elphaba, and it sets up the dynamics for Part 2 so perfectly.
At this point, we are in the thick of “Defying Gravity.” Everyone’s attention is on Elphaba - and rightfully so, she’s up there declaring war on the Wizard, displaying incredible feats of magic, of course everyone’s attention is on her.
…Everyone, except Morrible.
Morrible has realized that Plan A was a bust, but rather than panicking, she’s already worked over Plans B through Z in her head and has realized that Glinda, not Elphaba, is actually the key figure here. Glinda is actually the best thing that could have happened to them.
Mind you, Morrible hates Glinda. She thinks Glinda is vapid and attention-seeking and completely without talent. It would be extremely easy for her to brand Glinda as an accomplice to Elphaba, have the guards drag her off, imprison her, never have to deal with her again, nice and neat.
Instead, while everyone else is focused on Elphaba, Morrible only has eyes for Glinda. She zeroes in on her, releases her, and comforts her, because she understands what no one else understands, which is that yes, that’s great that the Wizard now has an enemy to unify his people against, but they also need a symbol of hope, something that is the exact antithesis to Elphaba, something to keep everyone at extremes.
The Wizard himself can’t really be a symbol of hope, because the key to his success is that he remains shrouded in mystery, and yes people think he’s wonderful, but there’s a level of uncertainty and intimidation to him. He is Oz the Great and Terrible, and everyone’s preeeeeetty sure he’s a good guy, but if you have someone like Elphaba out there - who Morrible knows from experience is very smart, very articulate, and has her own sort of magnetism - there’s a potential that she could turn at least enough people against the Wizard to make things very inconvenient.
So what they need, now that they have an enemy, is to have an equally magnetic figurehead representing the Wizard who embodies all these one-dimensional ideas of goodness, someone for the public to adore and fawn over so the association between Wizard and Goodness is crystal clear.
And by bringing Glinda along, Elphaba has unknowingly served that figurehead up on a platter.
Glinda is everything Elphaba isn’t, from personality, to appearance - Morrible has already set Elphaba up by calling her green skin an “outward manifestorium of her twisted nature,” which paves the way for Glinda, who is the perfect conventional beauty, to be an “outward manifestorium” of pure goodness.
Morrible realizes they need these two lightning rods of Absolute Evil and Absolute Good in order to manipulate people - fear alone isn’t enough; the only way to effectively radicalize the populace is to make sure there is no gray area whatsoever, no room for question: you're either good, or you’re evil. And the Wizard alone isn’t a strong enough representation of “goodness” when by virtue of existing, he has to remain in the shadows. Glinda on the other hand? With her looks and her charm and her openness and her ability to expertly win over a crowd? Perfect for the role.
Now the tricky part for Morrible is taking into consideration that Glinda and Elphaba love each other. But we also know from earlier scenes that Morrible is a master at manipulating emotions. Right from the start when Elphaba is having trouble with her magic, Morrible casually brings up the “Animals should be seen and not heard” disturbance from class, spoon-feeding her just enough to get Elphaba upset, triggering her magic, after which Morrible makes sure to give her assurance and praise to keep Elphaba optimistic about her power.
She’s also aware that Glinda does have quite a bit of influence over Elphaba, because when Elphaba flees, Morrible immediately tasks her with winning her over, rather than simply relying on the guards or even going after Elphaba herself. She knows if anyone has a chance at roping Elphaba back in, it's Glinda.
Obviously, Glinda isn’t successful in getting her back, but while this puts a dent in Morrible’s plans to get control of Elphaba, it does give her an extra weak spot to exploit in Glinda.
So now, at the height of “Defying Gravity” when Elphaba has officially taken her stand against them, Morrible sees Glinda, and Glinda is at her most vulnerable, her most emotionally fragile. Not only is she heartbroken and in shock, she’s also just witnessed in real time exactly how easy it is to turn an entire nation against someone. She’s scared, she’s powerless. She’s just lost the love of her life her only friend, she has no one to turn to - Morrible has definitely picked up on the fact that even though Glinda has countless people who fawn over her, none of them can be considered a true friend except for Elphaba, which means Glinda is completely isolated. Glinda also has a very limited understanding of the bigger picture of what the Wizard is trying to accomplish, and because she’s never been a victim of the system the way Elphaba has, she is still desperately clinging to the idea that everything will be okay as long as she plays by the rules of the people in power.
She has been perfectly primed for Morrible to begin manipulating, not through violence or intimidation, but by offering her comfort when no one else would - when not even Glinda’s only friend would - when no one else is even paying attention to Glinda, because they have the very real and present threat of Elphaba quite literally hanging over them. In this moment, Morrible chooses Glinda, which Glinda has been striving for since the beginning. Elphaba has chosen her principles, the Wizard has chosen his enemy, but Morrible has chosen Glinda, and in this moment of being so alone and so afraid and so betrayed, that makes all the difference.
We also get kind of a parallel shot too - Elphaba really sealed her fate the second her hand closed around the broom. But here, Glinda seals her fate when she gives in and reciprocates Morrible’s hold on her.
THIS is the moment that sets us up for Part 2, with Elphaba and Glinda as our lightning rods for Absolute Evil and Absolute Good, but more to the point, it makes it clear that they’ve BOTH been used, they’ve BOTH played right into these respective roles Morrible and the Wizard need in order to be successful - even if it wasn’t how Morrible originally planned for things to go.
I just love it, because “Defying Gravity” is Elphaba’s song - it’s triumphant, and it’s heartbreaking, and it’s everything a defining moment should be for a character. But by injecting this little moment between Morrible and Glinda into the scene, we also get an underlying current of dread because we know we’re about to see the consequences of Elphaba’s defiance versus Glinda’s compliance and how both serve to benefit the Wizard/Morrible’s propaganda.
TL;DR - when I said "I want to talk about this scene between Morrible and Glinda for a sec" I clearly meant "I'm gonna write a whole essay. Like a nerd."
#wicked#wicked 2024#wicked movie#gelphie#glinda upland#elphaba thropp#galinda upland#madame morrible#one day i'll stop gnawing on this movie like a lunatic#probably not any time soon tho
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Follower Recs
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opening lives like lockets
by QueenWithABeeThrone (@piratekenway)
T, 8k, Wangxian
Summary: “I bet you could do better,” said Nie Huaisang. “I know I could,” Wei Wuxian said. “I could run a museum better than anyone else. Who else would be best at it? I’m smart and hot and immortal and a living witness to a shitton of things and I wouldn’t do something incredibly stupid like put cursed artifacts in the same room, my god, remember that?”
~*~
cascade:只缘身在此山中
by auberjing (@wrecklwj)
T, 5k, Wangxian
Summary: “Lan-laoshi, ah,” Wei Ying says. He's smiling now, a watery smile, but a real one. “Being in your class, hearing you read the four classics aloud… it had a calming effect on me. I'll never forget what you did for me. It's actually why I went into teaching, you know. I hoped that someday, I might be like you. And then I’d be able to do the same, to help all of the other kids like me. Or: Lan Qiren is initially dismayed to learn that a former disruptive student of his will be starting at his school as a teacher. He doesn’t expect the gamut of emotions that follows when he discovers the real reason.
~*~
Heart Like Mine
by nekojita
T, 42k, Wangxian & Ningxian (?) (Ningxian might be mistagged)
Part of the MDZS Big Bang 2024
Summary: With Wen Ruohan is interested in Wei Wuxian due to his talent with talismans, Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang agree to an arranged marriage between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian to prevent Qishan Wen from growing more powerful (while there is still a threat of war looming). Things get off to the usual rocky start, with Lan Wangji and much of Gusu Lan (except for the younger Lans) looking down on Wei Wuxian. This disapproval eventually leads to a situation where Wei Wuxian is framed for a crime by Su Mishan and friends and is punished by the discipline whip and seclusion in the Cold Pond Cave. A cave that holds more than one secret that will impact Cloud Recesses and the Jianghu's future.
~*~
Hello Darlin' Nice to See You It's Been a Long Time
by Alwritey87 (@alwritey87)
T, 4k, Wangxian
Part of Juniors Quartet Gotcha for Gaza
Summary: “This one is Er-HeiZi.” The black bunny wiggled out of the boy's arms and jumped squarely on her lap. Laughing, she picked it up, cuddling it close to her chest. The rabbit was inordinately friendly, eager for her attention. "And what about you?" Jiang Yanli moved Er-Heizi to one arm so she could straighten the Lan child's collar. "This one is Lan Yuan." Lan Yuan. Yuan. A-Yuan. What were the chances?
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A Devil's Revenge
by VyKa21
T, 15k, Wangxian & Chengyao & Xuexuan
Summary: Mò - None / Nothing / Nobody Mó - Devil What happens when a nobody in the cultivation world decides he's gonna be the bad guy everyone thinks he is anyway? [A person is never wholly good or bad, all of us know that. But if the colours the world paints them in make them a devil, there’s nothing much else to be done about it. They could bear the slander and die in shame. Or they could pick up the stick society handed to them and take revenge. Not in blood and bones necessarily, no. But one can have the last laugh. There’s so many devils in this world. What’s one more?]
~*~
(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for these hard-working authors if you like – or think others might like – these stories.)
#January 2025#Wangxian Fic Recs#follower recs#follower rec#mdzs#MDZS#Mo Dao Zu Shi#CQL#Chenqingling#The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation#The Untamed#Wangxian#opening lives like lockets#QueenWithABeeThrone#teen#short fic <15k#Heart Like Mine#nekojita#medium fic 15k-49k#Hello Darlin' Nice to See You It's Been a Long Time#Alwritey87#A Devil's Revenge#VyKa21
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just wondering, what's your honest opinion on the Starmania fandom ?
[This got long and I apologize, but also I'm not going to cut for once, because the main points are really at the end!]
Hi!
I've been thinking about this one, I think it arrived just before the last weekend of shows and I didn't really know how to answer it.
Firstly because I don't know how to define "fandom" here, as "Starmania fandom" seems so big and also so small at the same time.
There's thousands of people in France who'd probably define themselves as fans of Starmania, and I've met some of them in concert venues and my opinion of them is often not amazing 🤣 (Lots of people who are rude, impatient, entitled, who missed or forgot the message of the show and complain it is "too woke now," who try to treat the show as their personal nostalgic karaoke, who don't care about the artists on stage and only want to compare them to their 70s albums...) But to be fair it's probably true of most large groups of people who attend a show, and not specific to Starmania at all. I'm also annoyed at the people who believe that 1978 is SACRED and "No one will ever sing the SOS better than Balavoine or Monopolis better than France Gall" (who didn't even sing that w- that's a hot take for a DIFFERENT TIME🤣)
And need I mention the Mogador fanatics? 😅
But simultaneously, Starmania fandom as I've usually defined "fandom" (i.e., a community of fans who want to create, appreciate and discuss fanworks, whether that is meta, art, fic...) is TIIIINY. But it is a bunch of incredibly creative, talented, smart, funny people who I love a whole lot!
Honestly, my biggest "hot take" about Starmania fandom in the Tumblr/fanworks sense is the reason I've been going back and forth on how to answer this, because I don't want it to be taken the wrong way, but here goes... The truth is that I'm a little scared.
I see a lot of posts on wider Tumblr about how nowadays people move on from fandoms the second they end (usually talking about movies or tv shows.) The last episodes air, and a few weeks later the fandom suddenly dies because the critical mass of participants lose interest/find another new shiny object to focus on. This is usually paired with a comparison to "the olden days" when fandoms could survive for years after their canon was over, because enough fans kept producing enough new fanworks and having enough discussions to keep the thing alive even if a small-medium proportion of fans moved on.
And I worry that there's not enough of us to be able to do that, because we don't really have critical mass. For me personally, I worry that too many people are going to move on much sooner than I'm ready to let go (because I'm definitely not going anywhere for a while!), and that I'll go back to posting into the void.
I posted recently that this blog had reached its 100th follower but I consider a "hit" post to be around or over 8 notes. I think on AO3, we have 7 people who write semi-regularly, and the fics with the most kudos have 10. Those are starvation numbers in basically any other fandom, and they're our MOST POPULAR ones!! And it's not like we have, you know, that one author who just writes all day as a hobby and churns out 30k fics every other week, where everyone can just sit back and feel confident that new stuff is going to be coming no matter what.
(And that's why sometimes if I notice people discussing a fic in private, I'm like... I hope everyone involved in that discussion has let the author know they read the fic, because that could basically double the amount of feedback it got 😅😅)
So, yeah, basically, I just really hope that we collectively manage to support ourselves enough that it keeps feeling like a community, that it keeps living and maybe even growing. And that means everyone doing their share, me included, I'm definitely not saying I'm perfect here :p
And I know we all have busy lives and other things to do and fandom is a fun hobby and not a chore or homework. I'm not saying everyone needs to start making fanart (god knows I can't) or writing fic or posting essays or whatever, but let's make sure we interact with each other, with our fanworks, with discussion posts. Let's reply to each other!
And again, speaking personally (I hope this doesn't make it seem like I'm just using this post to whine haha) let's make sure to reblog, not just like posts. (FYI, it always takes me a little while to get to the posts I see, usually because I don't want to spam so I put things in the queue rather than rebloging them on sight, but they're going to come out eventually! Also feel free to send me things you think I missed!)
I'm not going to go into a(nother) rant about how "there is no algorithm on Tumblr" but you might not realize that every time someone reblogs one of the posts, I then see new usernames liking them! You guys have such an impact on spreading the Starmania lore/love -- I know I've gone into so many fandoms because I kept seeing a mutual post about them, and I would scroll past for weeks until one image hit me and I then *needed* to know where it was from, and sometimes that's how I found new fandoms!
So, yeah, I hope we can collectively bring in a few new people, and keep ourselves interested and happy for long enough that maybe we even bridge the "pause" and start getting new content again!!
So that's my answer. Congrats if you made it to the end, and tl;dr ILU ALL DON'T LEAVE OKAY? 😭
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[he is so excited at the dog stickers. Martyn send some back? That makes ren so so happy]
Thank you for all the stickers man I love them all!
Don’t doubt yourself! I’ve seen you in the games, you are super smart and super talented! Dude, you’re amazing, you’ll be able to get this game so fast!
I suppose me having a job feels like I’ll be more busy but really I kinda just procrastinate and wait weeks for them to approve blueprints of what to add to the base. It’s why I started knitting!
RD
[In the mailbox, Ren receives a simple envelope, on it is a crudely drawn picture depicting a very angry Martyn.]
“Ayup Ren, hope you’re well. I’m not. I pranked Grian one time, ages ago! He should be over it by now but apparently not because he decides to trap my mailbox with TNT! (ooc note- he didn’t Martyn wrongfully assumed it was Grian). Worse, BigB sends me a batch of fortune cookies, and all the fortunes say the exact same thing- “you’re being watched.” So I’ve annoyed Grian, annoyed god, and I’m not having a great week. How’s your week been?”
[The handwriting is pretty scruffy, and there are more stick figures which show an angry Martyn dotted around the page.]
- @itlw-mailbox
[he smiles when he first sees the letter, seeing the little drawing. his tail wags, excited to receive a letter from martyn. he flops down next to the mailbox, opening the letter]
[his smile drops a bit reading it. he feels bad for martyn, he wishes to be there to comfort him. pulling out his own paper, he starts to write]
Martyn,
Is he really still trying to get you with the tnt? are you able to send some back? im sorry that happened, i can get him back if you want! bit harder to get back at god, but dude i would try if it made you feel a bit better
my week has been alright. just a lot of building, did a bit of redstone! it sucked man, but i think im getting better
is there anything i can do to help you finish your week on a good note?
RD
[he included a shitty doodle of him hugging martyn]
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I think my mutuals are the kindest and most talented people on earth
#i am so in awe#like... all of them are so smart and talented#no matter if it's writing fics. painting. poetry. amvs and so much more#literally insane!
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have been thinking about professor sol even. professor bufo with no clearly discernable lesson plan. sol bufo ostensibly martial arts professor who spent two weeks running a yoga and meditation program and shows up to the next class with crochet hooks for everyone. professor bufo who is technically supposed to be assigning grades to students but hasnt given anyone less than an A because "i think they worked really hard and they did a great job :)" (referring to the ugliest and most malformed pot holder anyone has laid eyes upon in their life). professor bufo who is on his way to cluelessly kickstart the sexual awakening of about half the cohort of the academys new students. sol bufo adjunct professor who is gone half the year and his first class back is so immediately and easily baited into going into a long tangent about how cool his friends are. sol who is pretty sure hes easily the most useless professor on campus and almost cries when he sees his little desk overflowing with thank you notes at the end of the year. professor bufo absolutely fucking gloriously hot in the tightest little sweater vest because there were faculty complaints when he wore a crop top to class.
#ramble tag#ive been. ive been thinking.#aum. ultimately i just think.#like launchpad was a place for sol that was . place where he was demeaned abused exploited endangered and used#but he needed a place like that. so badly . really it was like. what else did he have.? the lightkeepers?#sol needed a place that would tell him he had a family . and thats what launchpad was!#launchpad is. if youre smart and talented and hardworking and brave enough then people will love and respect you. and you can belong.#and even if it was conditional sol needed a promise like that so badly .... the life that he dreamed of being within his reach.#so. IDK. i just. think...... and maybe this ooc but . well its POST CANON SO I CAN DO WHATEVER TF I WANT.#i just like to imagine sol as a . like yeah he has a minus one to intelligence and hes silly and stupid and very often incomprehensible. but#like . the kind of person who radiates kindness and passion. and maybe more than anything. unwaveringly believes in you no matter what.#i think. sol is very much a person who . on some level recognises the things he lacked in his life and compensates for it by extending that#to others. loudly and proudly shouting all the time. i want to care for you protect you help you believe in you support you and love you#:-) so. despite him being a . real hot mess. i think he would be a good teacher. even if he does for some reason spend a month teaching#his martial arts class how to cook a mean pasta.#(and not even mentioning sol travelling over bahumia to find kids like him who didnt are in bad situations and need a place where they can#be kids. and extending them a hand ... giving them a home and a space to just fuck around and make silly pots instead of fghting to survive)#ahem . ahem ahem. but WHATEVER#anyway if this is ooc i dont care because . thog dont caare .#this is post canon and this is a sandbox for me to do my silly little tag-yapping
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Hi! I have read a lot of LIAB and I loved it but it was honestly getting a bit too much for me and I had to stop reading cuz I was way too lost in the depressive feels. Your writing is so brilliant though!
I was just wondering how you think Azula would feel if she saw Zuko’s scars? I’m not even sure if you’ve already written this as the story continued or if you plan to soon and so won’t be able to answer, but the thought intrigues me!
haha yeah I have had NUMEROUS people say they started LIAB & couldn’t finish because it got to be too much, which is totally fine!! That’s why I love fanfic because there’s so many options for what different people wanna read. When I started liab I wanted to write a really dramatic emotionally dark and tragic love story - which I know some people aren’t into haha especially with how it’s written. (It was my first time writing ive learned a lot haha)
Seriously though! Thank you so much for complimenting my writing!!<3
ok that’s so crazy you asked this because we’re just at the part in the story where azula will be in the same city as zuko. But in ANY liab situation, I do think her initial reaction would depend on if she was prepared to see zuko or not and how much she knows about where he’s been.
Azula doesn’t enjoy not having control over people and situations- and we all know that when azulas not having a good time no one else is either. So if zuko pops up alive and she’s not expecting it I’m sure she’s going to be annoyed
But no matter what, I do think seeing his scars would surprise her, whether she expected them or not the sheer destruction that was done to zukos body would shock anyone. That’s also her brother, like she knows him he’s not just some extra in the background. she grow up with him and watched him throw tantrums and whine about his mommy and they played in the garden sometimes - & yeah she was prepared to see the SCAR but not all the Scars.
Since she’s rarely caught off guard I think her initial response would be to say something mean and clever to try and overcompensate for the shake in her voice and tremble in her hands. I’m sure she’d have a physical reaction - elevated heartbeat wandering eyes increased breathing but she wouldn’t wanna give zuko the satisfaction of catching her off guard (especially not if she thinks he’s working with his uncle to overthrow her)
she’d play it off but I think it’d haunt her, even if she had zuko in her clutches as a prisoner or ally his scars would stick with her. she’d see them in her dreams and when she closed her eyes, they’d burrow into her consciousness and if she starts to mentally unravel in liab like she did in canon and I’m sure zukos scars would be a significant part of pushing her into that insanity. Especially if she doesn’t know what the fuck happened to her brother lol. sorry I started rambling! I hope I answered the question lol! Thanks for the ask!!
#I could keep rambling like how what happened to zuko plays into her relationship with her mom#& the dynamic and relationship they had and if ursa put any pressure or guidance to try and influence azula to be nice to her brother#By asking her to look out for him because Azula was so smart and talented & zuko is… *gestures at him wet in the fountain* haha#But yeah it really depends on how someone writes azula & ursa and her parenting style family dynamics blah blah lol#Idk I love azula but I also don’t ever want to smooth out her jagged edges because I like her flaws and hostility just like zuko#I broke zuko a wittle bit so sorry zuko you’re a bit more liab than canon but he’s still full of flaws haha#Anywayyyyy maybe you’ll get your answer one of these days and you can just read that chapter to get your answer!!#But I did kind of hint to the direction I’d likely take it if azula saw zukos scars#No promises though because zuko stays covered (by a water tribe boy lol)#I love them they’re so cute this next chapter I wanna smack the shit out of them#Sorry for rambling I’m bored and lonely#Thanks for the ask!!#Ultipiggle#Liab#into the fire#ITF#Leaving it all behind
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feeling a lot like ichika in that one 4koma rn
#all my friends are good at something and im. not#c is good at talking to people and m is an amazing artist and s is also good at art AND incredibly funny and creative#and k and l are both really good at being encouraging and kind and c is really smart and t always knows what to sag#*say#and w is really wise and good at giving advice and m always gives her best no matter the circumstances#and z is funny and good at staying positive#and h is good at analyzing things and m is so passionate about what he likes and a is so supportive and sweet#and m is such an amazing person to be around and l is silly but smart at the same time#and k y and t are all completely fluent in two separate languages AND they're all such amazing and creative people#and meanwhile im just sort of. here. not particularly good at anything.#not particularly talented nor do i have any specific good trait that sticks out about me#idk i don't feel like i deserve to be friends with them
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ok guys weather report :
likely a few more days without art or much activity coming bc while i got used to juggling uni+job+job, i now have shit ton of documentation to do after unis teachinf practise shit fuck fuck penis fuck period and boy is it not fun.
#i only got to make some progress on a wip by staying up after midnight#but im not gonna keep doing that bc. i already wake up looking like a zombie#not good. i need to talkto people of all ages (6 days a week) and smile at them and pretend im a fairy gottmother#ok ok let me complain here please. OVER 50 MICROSOFT WORD DOCUMENTS TOTAL TO BE WRITTEN AND PRINTED OUT#AND I HAVE LIKE A WEEK AND +- SOME DAYS. ME AN AVERAGE very smart and talented and hot HUMAN CAT ALL ALONE#i wouldve had 2 months if my assigned teacher did not fuCK UP#so yeah please dont expect much from me for now#i tried doodling a pip just now but idk some exhaustion or art block fuckery happened it came out shit#and i got so angry i rage quit
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No video game series will ever piss me off more than p/ersona, because it has literally everything I love in fiction: A cast of characters where each one has a side story, hidden parts of their psyche, and harbors some kind of deep secret that tortures them every day? Character interaction in different scenarios? Exploration of different characters' psyches that look like personalized, abstract dungeons that you have to literally fight through? Exploring themes like innevability of death and different ways people cope with it or societal injustice? Tarot motifs? Use of Jung's psychological theories (which are BOGUS, but make for AMAZING addition to fictional stories)? Every element, including UI, is heavily and consistently stylized? Music that goes INSANELY hard???
Like this series should be like crack-infused catnip to me, but I just can't get into it bc Atlus always has to include something so tone-deaf and just downright DOGSHIT into these games (usually something relating to the dating system or pretty much anything relating to how they CONSISTENTLY potray queer people in their games) that I just cannot bring myself to seriously attempt to get into it 😔
#hatter blathers#i just had this slightly irrational beef with a/tlus ever since i can remember#this isnt personal if you like/love their games ofc. theres a lot to like about them like ive said#its just that i cant bring myself to do it 😔#its crazy to me that only one game had a fem protagonist AND she was only added in a rerelease/port#and i know that a lot of these games “quirks” are due to cultural differences#i highly recomend this series page on tvtropes on cultural differences that didnt carry through#and i know that a lot of these games are kinda old but tbh these aspects were aged at the time of the release lmao#its like they have all these talented people in their staff and ONE GUY whose SOLE JOB is making sure that every game#has SOMETHING in it to remind the players that they think that only cishet guys play their games and NOBODY ELSE#some elements just clash tone-wise. like im not against these games tackling difficult subjects. ofc not#its just... its like half of what they do with these themes is really bold and then kinda crashes and burns. lol#idk what it is about a/tlus games that always makes me so annoyed/angry bc i tend to be pretty forgiving#and willing to meet art halfway and see things from its perspective#its like this series wants to be smart and creative and have a lot to say AND a boring highschool anime with all of the genres worst tropes#and i dont think that smart games cant have levity/humor or fun games cant be poignant. these are my favorite ones in fact#i dont know. ill wait for p6. MAYBE this will be the one where they finally kick out the guy who insists on including all the rancid elmnts
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why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!
#jack facts#willow and xander and tara all got that exact type of chance and you could argue the same is true for cordelia and anya!#and why don't we just not even start in on angel#like jonathan went from attempted suicide to so grateful for one moment of attention he created a whole award to give about it#to IN ONE YEAR becoming so powerful a witch he seamlessly altered the perception of the entire population of the world#without any adverse effects to himself and only the one (1) flaw that is inherent to the spell he used#to all but instantly giving up that power when he realized it posed danger (that he understood) to people#to feeling genuine remorse for doing that even tho he needed it explained to him why they were so upset#and making every apparent effort to learn that with humility and offer whatever wisdom he could in return#to... this.#like why tf didn't anybody say hey man are you doing alright after being suicidal?#hey man the spell you did was wrong but that doesn't mean you can't do magic anymore why don't we meet up sometimes and study together#or better yet he could have mcfuckin joined the coven god damn#like they went from witch being a relatively gender neutral combo of innate talent and learned skill in early seasons#to now we're supposed to forget the boy willow and amy did spells with in hs + the fact that giles himself was in an all male coven#and even believe that only Special Girls like willow and tara can do any significant amount of real magic at all#why on earth is willow the biggest witch of ever and started out floating pencils and then having a whole plotline#about learning to use her power ethically and control herself and practice temperance and etc#AND anya gets to be a good guy even though she has to be taught about ethics and consent and compassion and all that too#but jonathan's thing is being soul crushingly lonely and having no self esteem but being incredibly sweet once given the time of day#and is instead relegated to two bit loser villain?#why because he's the Actually Uncool type of unpopular instead of the Too Smart And Nice To Be Popular type of unpopular?#makes me sick he literally just needs a friend. just one genuine friend who cares about him personally. that's all.#and it's not like they're doing a ''this is what happens to vulnerable kids when no one cares about them!'' thing which would be different#no they're just like lol he's unpopular like our protags but he's also short with a nasally voice! which means he's bad!#once again i swearrrrr i'm not doing armchair psych on a creator based on the content of their work#please i swearrrrrrrrrrrr i'm not doing that i prommy i know it doesn't work that wayyy i knowwwww#don't worry about ittt i'm so totally definitely not doing that at allllll#anyway
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re: my last tag on my last post
#didn’t want to go all deep and whatever on that post bc idk whatever. i have my reasons i think#anyway#it really is odd to me that i might be memorable to people who i’ve never even interacted with directly#like people can just see me around campus and my face becomes even somewhat recognizable to them#it’s such an odd but cool feeling#bc growing up i was very much someone who just wanted to blend in more than anything#i didn’t want to do anything that would make me stand out in the slightest#i wanted to be as boring and unmemorable and regular as possible (at least in regard to my appearance; personality wise i was very much a-#-weird girl)#and i guess at some point in high school my mentality shifted and i wanted people to see me and think i’m cool or attractive or whatever#i wanted people to look at me and actually Think something of me#and now it’s not really something i actively try to do#it’s more of a ‘do i think i look good? do i like how i look? do i feel good? good’ and i go out like that#so it’s like. startling but also kinda really cool to have people actually remembering my face and thinking i’m cool or pretty or talented#or smart. or all of the above (preferably lol bc they’re all accurate ehehe)#even if they don’t automatically know how they recognize me#like. i’m here! i can be seen! and when i come face to face with these people who i’ve never seen before but who think i’m familiar#i can just casually chat with them and joke around and have fun#i can’t remember their names quite right. but they compliment my makeup or my shirt and an hour later i’m jokingly blowing kisses at them#idk it’s weird to think about how much i’ve changed as a person bc even four years ago this would’ve been like. unthinkable behavior#and now it just comes naturally i guess#(though the alcohol certainly helps i’m sure haha)#anyway i’m just proud of how far i’ve come both socially and in terms of my own self confidence and outgoingness#and my willingness to just be seen!!!
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the miserable burger
i feel like anyinterest ive had in anything ever has just been nothing but like a desperate attemptto be perceived in some way. do you know what i mean.like there was a therapy to art or writing maybe once or twice. but i feel like everyuting has always been eaten up by just some sad Want to make something that people might like or i mightlike or to somehow find this divine fucking interest and enjoyment thateveryone else seems to have. and its like i fucking hate doing those things actually. im not fucking godo at them and theyre a fucking chore. and i could never be any good at them, cuz at the end of the day that like. shallowness kind of runs through and its obvious when someones miserable and dgaf and theres no passion there. and it feelsthe same with like everything else to be frankly. im bad at alreadybut theres just thisrotten fucking stink that comes through the more i fail and the morefrustrated i am. and i fucking hate everything i try to do in the end hno matter what i try or how i try it and it just feels like desperate fucking attempts to try and find something i mightnot fucking hate and they all fail and fall flat on their fuckingfaceand doesanyone else burn with this sort of bitterness when people do have hobbiesor talents or anything they can remotely find comfort in becausegod i fucking wish i could care i fucking wish i could care so bad or jsut feel fucking something that wasnt miserable fucking dejection . i keep fucking wasting my fucking days doingthe most low stakes bullshit imaginable and i still fucking despise it. the evil fuckingloops. its fuckinghorrible being so alone when you cant fucking find anything yourself but also youre sort of alone because i feel like theresnothing there some days for someone to like and i start going crazy fucking clawing at thewalls. whys it so had to be a person like most serously whys it so hard to exist. just keep doing all the things people say are so much fun and so ufcking wonderful and spend your days stuck in places feweling some insane feeling of remorse that wont unstick itself or whatever go draw and fucking hate yourself go do this and fucking hate yourself go for a walk beg for it to be over i want to go to sleep so i never fucking experience anything ever again why would you fight for somethingwhen theres nothing there do you know what i mean . it never fucking worked, and i cant fucking go through the nhs again, but theres a part of me thatwishes i was back on venlaflaxineagain because i used to have the most vivid fucking dreams and they were horrible mos tof the time but maybe once a month you could get sucked into some life that felt so muchmore real than this one ever could be bc there was somethingthere that wasnt staring at a fucking wall and wishing this was done wait for it to pass wait fo rit to tpass wait for your whole fucking life to pass. and now what. i think im going to go take an edible and go for a walk and com back and start screaming
#egg.txt#i willsay one of the funnier ones is when people are like#nooo dont kill yourself. you're so talented or smart or [insert 245343 things they attribute to you]#and you just wanna look them dead in the eye cuz even ifyou werent being billy bullshit rn#thats so nothing. i dont care. make it all be over#you know what imean. itsnot their fucking fault cuz theresnothing to say#like what is there any more#but goddddddd
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how i look after deluding myself for so long thinking this mf actually cared about me because they did things such as “telling me how much they care about me” and “showering me in attention for months and introducing me to all of their friends” and me communicating to them “hey this is super cool and you make me really happy so i hope you don’t lose interest and move onto the next girl once i’m no longer bright and shiny and new to you” and them being like “I would NEVER do that” only for them to do Literally Exactly That™️ so after all that internal work i had to do to even let someone into my life as a potentially significant friend again they just pulled back as soon as I wasn’t fun anymore so NO we were never actually friends and YES i was probably just a sex object meant to boost their ego because they deeply dislike themselves
#it’s okay i screamed ‘FUCK YOU’ and ‘GO TO HELL’ at them a bunch last night#out of context irl drama#at the same time I also Get It. like. they weren’t signing up for all my internal bullshit when they swiped me on hinge#like i would distance from me too but they kept insisting that’s wasn’t what was happening#it just makes me so sad and so frustrated because i knew how this would end#i feel like a lot of people in these situations can feel like they aren’t ‘enough’#and what i hate is that I was SO VERY MUCH ENOUGH#like i am beautiful and smart and talented and hardworking and funny and charming and interesting and strong and accomplished#and it can STILL NOT BE ENOUGH. and it’s INFURIATING. because what MORE do I have to be? what do YOU think you deserve?
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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Open to see something cursed
Streetkid!Riley
#V#My V#Riley Aldana#I pair my V's up with different cyberware so this gal gets thermal gorilla arms and a yellow color theme#It's kinda surprising how the different lifepaths influence my personal view of my own V#It basically goes:#Nomad!Riley: Cool determined and collected; blunt and distrustful#Corpo!Riley: Smart efficient and talented; vain and coldhearted#Streetkid!Riley: Excitable well-liked and sociable; hotheaded and something of a wild child#Streetkid!Riley is probably the most deviated from her original concept and as a result is....sorta my least favorite version of her#But she is fun to design#I imagine she'd go ham with the tattoos though lol#Nomad!Riley has her cloud sleeve and the J+V sleeve while Corpo!Riley doesn't have any because she views them as flaws#Anyway they'd all hate eat other and I love that for them 🥰#Aldi speaks
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