#like... *wishing* death on anyone isnt actually harming someone

[bunnihearted]

wishing death on your abusers is never "too much" or "too extreme" ._.

[chronicallyqueercoining]

Hey y'all this post includes a bit of discourse which I try to avoid but as I get more followers I would like to include this! So scroll if those sorts of topics make you uncomfy!

Also CW for: grooming, abliesm, trauma, injuries, abuse, bodily fluids, pedophilia, suibaiting, sa mentions

Hi, so I just. Need to address a couple things really quick!

(Scroll to the bottom for the discussion of transx/transid "identities" ,, in quotes bc they aren't valid)

1- sending death threats or doxxing someone is NEVER okay EVER. It puts people in danger and is downright illegal. Idc what your beliefs are in this instance, it's basic law and safety. I've been told to kms over being a Dissociative system aka formed by trauma. Not funny!

2- capitalism is corrupt and always will be. No exceptions. (I could go on and on all day.)

Few more things for now; it's fucking weird and messed up to:

-disclude a-spec identities from LGBTQIAP+

-tell a minority group that they aren't allowed to say how they feel about something affecting them.

-suibaiting anyone, ever. No. Exceptions.

-proship kids x adults,, dude that's pedophilia.

-assume that all cluster b folks are violent or bad (including the term narcissistic abuse)

-say you can become a system for fun/by intentionally willing it into existence

-using disorders as an excuse to be a shit person [Ex: "oh he has autism he doesn't know better.']

Or

-taking the ignorant stance of "radinclus" (we all know you are supporting identities that aren't in good faith. Things that harm people and/or put them in danger aren't good faith.)

Now for the transid/transx shit.

Trace, transage, transabled, transspecies, transheight, transweight, are. Very odd to me. (The exception being transspecies, however I think this would be the wrong term and something like otherkin/therian/etc would fit you better!) These terms are wrong and inherently abliest and dangerous. Most of the people using these terms feel like trolls, however after having met some before, I'm suddenly extremely aware of the fact that they aren't all trolls. Which is disappointing to say the very least!

I would first like to say that I can't speak in depth on trace(formerly transracial, however that has a double meaning, also means adoption into a family that is not your bio race) or include my own opinion, as I am white. I can say that it's messed up, from the fact that I've seen 100s of POC say it's racist and wrong.

Moving onto the others! Transage is a crappy term! I think if you age regress, then you're age regressing not transage and you aren't actually that age. I think role-playing another age doesn't make you that age. I also think that most instances I've seen of people using it is an excuse to be a shitty person. It isn't a trans identity.

Transabled. God. Why. I fully know there is a disorder called BIID but transabled isnt the disorder. The disorder is BIID. "Transabled" ppl are mocking actually disabled and mentally ill and hurting people. BIID is not transabled should have NEVER been associated. BIID is a disorder. "Transabled" is a mockery. There is genuine support and therapy, and that is why that should be the step taken. Not claiming to be "transabled" and coining terms like trans-trauma or trans-autistic or trans-POTS. This is HARMFUL. There is a validity to feeling like you want your *current* issues you actually have to be worse so you could get help or be "bad enough," however that is not the same as entirely just... wanting a disorder. Wanting your current disorder/trauma/condition to be WORSE is a symptom, not a new thing. Trans-grooming and trans-trauma are terms I've ACTUALLY seen. They both mean (respectively) Wanting or feeling like you should have been/should be groomed/traumatized. This is so incredibly HORRIFIC on so many levels. I have been repeatedly groomed/preyed on by over 15 people, there is NOTHING good that you get from these. I would not wish this on anyone. Grooming is horrific manipulation, mental controlling to a degree, gaslighting, trauma. It's not some fun identity. Transtrauma is awful. There are zero instances where identifying as this is valid/healthy in anyway. Again, wanting to have worse trauma is a symptom, not trans trauma and if you're confusing those two that doesn't make transtrauma valid! It means you're a bit confused. I would like to add in here(probably a few times), though, that healthy people do not fake/want disorders. If you feel like you're ANY of these identities I truly suggest you seek help for your own safety as well as everyone else's. You aren't ever just "meant to have been traumatized" that's not how it works. I do not think, in this instance, whatever divine being, angel, power, or lack thereof, you believe in impacts or changes this. If you were to be traumatized at a point in your past, you WOULD'VE been. It doesn't just, randomly not occur to cause you "trauma dysphoria."

Transabled in a physical sense also disgusts me. Again, not BIID, these are not the same thing. Wanting to aquire a disability isn't an aesthetic. Illnesses and disorders aren't an aesthetic. I am physically disabled and use a mobility aid and I wish, I wish so fucking badly, that I could just be healthy AND normal. /srs Does not wanting to be sick suddenly make me "Transcissick?" I'm "transcured?" (/satire.)

Again wanting to have a disorder or faking disorders is not something a healthy person does, this is important to be added. Regardless, these actions/terms are STILL HURTING people.

A recurring theme I've also noticed is that all of the disorders/trauma/illnesses people want are "trendy" or "controversial" or super extreme(not saying these aren't all horrific, by extreme I simply mean the cases tend to be more fatal/altering). Something that will make people ask questions and shower you with attention. (Healthy/stable people don't constantly use attention seeking behaviors.) You never see things like: Trans-STD, Trans-IBS, Trans-Anxiety, Trans-Concussion, or Trans-Nocturnal Enuresis(this one can actually TIE IN with trauma, but people using these terms only seem to want the popular symptoms, right?)

Strange, huh? Only choosing the popular things. Yall dont want to be trans-ibs? Shitting all the time because of your weird bowels and stress and emotion issues?

Transheight and transweight make no sense at all.

If u identify as transabled you're abliest.

That's all for right now. Have a good morning/day/afternoon/night. Be sure to (if you're able/if it applies:) Drink Eat something Clean yourself a little Do something you enjoy <3!

Tags to make sure ppl see this..

[captainlevisteacup]

Okay, here we go!

Warnings: none

The Demon Brothers+Newly Dateable's Reactions to Bratty GN! MC Who Likes to Push the Limits

Lucifer

Is not amused.

King of "try it, I dare you"

"Are you REALLY going to play that way with me, MC?"

Endlessly irritated

The only reason he hasn't been pushed into his demon form is solely because of Diavolo, who finds their spunk amusing and would be unhappy if they were to be threatened or harmed

Of course, he still loves MC. That's not debateable

They just REALLY get on his nerves

Happens so frequently that he automatically KNOWS when MC is opening their mouth to say something bratty

Probably the second most irritated by it

Mammon

Is just flabbergasted

"Are ya dumb, or something, human? Ya know I could kill ya, right?"

Isnt particular annoyed by it, just more exasperated.

Has made it adamantly clear he can begrudgingly let other times slide, but they better listen to him if it's to keep them safe.

Does that stop MC?

Of course not.

*turns around to see MC wandered off yet again*

"MC I GET THAT YOU SUCK AT LISTENING, BUT DO YA REALLY HAVE TO HAVE A DEATH WISH??"

Eventually uses his lanyard keychain to tie MC's wrist to his because he refuses to get hung from the ceiling (again) because MC couldn't (wouldn't) listen

Satan

Even more irritated by it than Lucifer is

Who are they, a mere human, to push him like that?

Every time he sees that damned look on their face, he has to close his eyes and count to ten slowly before even thinking about speaking

Has been pushed into his demon form at least twice a week

MC thinks it's the funniest thing in the world

Asmo agrees. So does Levi.

When MC is in dangerous territory, Satan will slightly smile and call them Kitten

Which usually prompts MC to push further, being the dumbass they are.

MC around Satan is literally like fire around gasoline

Is easily the most bothered by MC's behavior

Levi

Meh.

Not that he doesn't care, it's just not too upsetting to him

The only thing MC could possibly do would be to ruin one of his possessions

ALTHOUGH

There was one time MC kept purposely mispronouncing anime names wrong (pokey man)

Yea, that was not a good day for ANYONE in the house

PDA works too

Usually ends with him screaming and running away

All the other brothers find that hysterical, even Luci even though he would never admit it

Asmo

Does not care.

He finds it endearing for some reason

Giggles every time MC pushes one of the brothers or says a sarcastic comment to someone

The King of Sass anyways so is totally into it

Sometimes helps you come up with sassy comebacks

Eventually ends up having competitions with MC to see who can be brattier

Beel

Is actually kinda hurt

Does MC not like him? Are they mad at him?

Eventually realizes they're like that to everyone

MC doesnt have the heart to keep doing it to him after they find out it hurt his feelings

Beel watches from the sidelines to make sure MC doesnt get hurt

Steps in if they go too far and are in danger (*cough* Satan *cough*)

Belphie

Has no problem with it

As long as you don't do it to him

"Don't test me, MC, I'm not awake enough for this"

Murder bean

If they tease him, he'll be super underhanded and passive aggressive about getting them back

Its hysterical to him if they open their mouth against Lucifer. Isnt even worried about their well being; not because he doesn't care, but because he knows they'll be fine.

If you mess with his naps, though

Oh, no

RIP MC

Diavolo

Takes absolutely NONE of it personally

MC could call him "Double D Diavolo" and he would think it's the funniest thing he's ever heard

Lucifer absolutely hates it if they try to tease or push Diavolo

Diavolo not only doesn't care, but he loves it

He sees it as friendly banter

Secretly loves that MC is comfortable enough with him to be bratty

Barbatos 🤨

Oho

If such a person with enough audacity to mess with him exists

He has to respect them

Not even the demon brothers would push him

So for a human to do so?

Mad respect

Is secretly the best as matching MC's level of sass

"What's up, Barbie?"

*silent pause*

"The only plastic I see here is you, MC."

Cue the slow clapping from Diavolo

Solomon😑

Whatever MC does to him, he will do right back to them

It's impossible to win

No mercy, will not hesitate to insult MC

Never gets mad, he is aware that's the reaction MC wants.

Refuses to give them the satisfaction of breaking his composure

Sometimes uses spells to make MC trip if they're irritated

Just to send them over the edge

Does more of the harassing than MC even does

Simeon🥺

Oh boy

Try as they may, MC just can't

Not because they aren't trying

Simeon is just immune

MC can't insult him. He just doesn't take anything as an insult

He's too pure for that

Infinite amount of patience

The only thing MC can do to him is make him flustered with *ahem* scandal

Like revealing/right clothes

Suggestive comments

It's the only thing that has any effect on him.

Sorry, MC

Luke😇

Too easy.

Easy target. The poor boy.

All MC has to do is make barking noises around him

He'll run squealing to Simeon

Who, in turn, just chuckles and tells Luke MC is just messing with him because they're friends

The brothers 10000% line up to watch MC harrass Luke

[om-headcanon]

☆ mc catching the obey me brothers crying

i believe its fair to assume mc has seen at least one of the boys cry. here is what i believe happened. (if you want me to do undateables, let me know! tw for low self worth, panic attacks, and survivors guilt/death mentions)

lucifer

without a doubt the most embarassed to be caught crying

he had just gotten into an argument with diavolo, and he questions his importance in diavolos life

he goes into the study to get some extra work done late at night to reassure himself he is useful

with all of the stress from the situation at hand and some stress from supporting the family on his back, he cant help but shed a few tears

all he wants to do is keep those around him happy and healthy... and it tears him apart when he cant

if i cant make the ones i love happy then... what can i do...

he doesnt notice your presence, as he has hands over his eyes and is breathing slowly in order to relax himself

you call out his name softly to get his attention

lucy jumps and tries wiping his eyes and playing it off as if he was never crying

you walk closer to him and he keeps inquiring if theres anything you need

you dont say anything, you just place your arms around him and hold him in a tight embrace

and he starts crying again on your shoulder... harder, this time. holding you tighter and closer in the embrace

because of his pride, its hard for him to admit what he needs the most: someone to show they care for him

mammon

mammon is the type to not cry often but when he does, its a lot

while his brothers dont really have bad intentions, the daily degradation they execute against mammon really gets to him

he can only put up his confident front for so long, and not long after a fight with asmo, it recedes

he lay on his bed sobbing heavily into a pillow to muffle the sound for nearly a full hour

his mind cant help but insist all the words his siblings tell him are true... and he wishes more than anything that you were there to tell him they werent

he looks up to the door every once in a while with blurry vision, mind convincing him theyre at the door, but you not being there makes him cry even harder

maybe they just think the same as the rest of my brothers

he hears the doorknob, but convinces himself its his mind again. ironically enough, this makes him cry even harder

except its actually you this time

you run over to his bed to sit down next to him and rub his back reassuringly, asking if hes alright

he jolts up, shocked youre actually here. he closes his mind and smiles sadly with a tear stained face

he pulls you into an embrace and whispers a soft thank you... your presence helps him more than you will ever know

you hold him for a few minutes and tell him how awesome the Great Mammon really is

leviathan

its been a long stressful day at rad, and he cant help but overthink every single action he has made

every single glance hes made, every single word hes said ... just everything

most days he would resort to playing a game or watching an anime he loves in attempt to distract himself, but other days its not that easy

he starts spiraling, thinking of not only everything hes done that day, but actions hes done in the past too

eventually hes past the point of no return, and starts having a panic attack

levi cant seem to catch his breath and with the thoughts still rushing through his head at full speed, he cant attempt to calm himself down

he envies those who dont feel the way he does right now because god, what he would do to not feel like this

you were just wondering why your gaming buddy hasnt come looking for you so naturally, you go to him

you knock on his door waiting for him to ask you for the entry code... but theres no response

you enter and are quite shocked to see levi shaking on his bed

this is familiar to you... whether youve had to guide a friend through a panic attack or have been through one yourself, you know what to do

you reassure him this will all pass and knowing how hard school is for him, you tell him he did well today

you get him to regulate his breathing and gain some composure

hes embarassed you had to see him like that... but he lets you know hes so thankful that you came to help him

satan

he just wants to be his own person but with how his life was set for him, its almost as if thats a tall order

its very rare he cries from happiness or anything like that, but sometimes he gets so sad that he gets angry... and then he cries a lot

no one dares to go near him like that

and that hurts him too... that nobody could or would ever dare to console him because they fear what hed do to them

he acknowledges this is a justified fear as he is after all the representation of wrath itself, but it still hurts nonetheless

belphie decided to poke fun and tease satan reminding him of how hes lucifers shadow

he didnt take it well... and retreated to his room to handle his emotions

he knew his family didnt want anything to do with him while he was angry... and that made him feel like a burden

but he grew used to everyone expecting he handle his emotions himself even if every once in a while he desired some reassurance

satan sat in a corner of his room crying to himself waiting for this to pass because he didnt believe anyone else would care to check on him

but you were curious as to why he wasnt in his usual 4 pm reading spot, so you decided to check his room

he was just sat completely still staring into the distance while tears fell down his face

he didnt even notice your presence until you sat down next to him

you didnt want to pry, so you just asked if he wanted to talk about it

he shook his head, laid on your shoulder, and just said “this is all i need”

asmodeus

ahh... while self love is so easy for him, self value isnt

its easy for him to believe people want to be around him solely with lustful intent rather than because they genuinely love him

he doesnt really believe anyone could ever love him

so he overcompensates through self love because he believes hes the only person who could ever love him

hes great at hiding it but sometimes, this gets to him... especially after some quick encounters with others at the fall

he thinks maybe there is no depth to him.. maybe i really am just a pretty face and nothing else

asmo cries pretty often, but he only lets people see him cry when its over something material (ie, he couldnt get a new bag hes been wanting for weeks)

he cries quietly too in effort to make sure nobody sees him

he seemed to have forgetten that you two were planning to go shopping today so you went to his room to see if he was ready

you werent expecting to see him rolled over in bed softly crying to himself

you startled him when you said his name

“oh, mc, i didnt see you there!” he chuckles lightly to himself in effort to change the mood of the atmosphere as he wipes his eyes

you ask if hes okay and his sad smile falls slightly

he asks you if you genuinely think he could ever be lovable

your heart breaks a little knowing that he even has a moment of self doubt, but you reassure him that hes a lovable person inside and out

you hug him tightly while another tear falls down his face

you two decide shopping is best for another day... for now, you just want to talk and do facials

beelzebub

beel loves his family a lot

more than he loves food (also a lot)

he hates conflict between them and would do absolutely anything to avoid it

what he hates the most about himself is how hungry he gets... hes aware its poorly timed but theres really nothing he can do about it

but the feeling hes being an inconvenience to those he loves hurts him

beel is great at smiling as often as possible, but if theres any tension between the family, he wont stop crying until its resolved

once he was so hungry it wasnt possible to control himself and he ended up going on a rampage

he earned scolds from lucifer, mammon, and satan for this

it tore him apart knowing that he had caused his family trouble for even a second and he started crying because of the guilt

he couldnt even find enough energy to make it back to his room, so he just sat in the kitchen with tears on his face

you had decided to go to the kitchen to get a snack when you saw him

he apologized for being in the kitchen and offered to move if you wanted his seat, but you declined

beel didnt even bother wiping the tears from his eyes... he wore them like they were a punishment for his own behavior

when you asked him what was wrong, all he said was that he was a bad brother

you tried to tell him otherwise, but then he went into detail about the situation and how all he does is cause the family distress

you told him that isnt true at all and he continues to bring light and happiness to all those around him

hearing that his brothers will come around and know he meant no harm is all he needed to hear

“thank you, mc... i feel less hungry when im with you”

belphie

he has lots of survivors guilt

its been millenia but he still wishes that it was him instead of lilith

because of this he cries quite often, but never in front of anyone other than beel

this feeling that lilith and him should have traded places haunts him often, and its not always so easy to sleep it off

as fore mentioned, he usually finds comfort in talking to his older twin but beel isnt always there

beel was at one of his clubs at rad and belphie didnt want to bother him, but he really did need someone right now

unlike his older brothers, belphie actually makes an effort to find you

he doesnt find you in your room nor the kitchen, so he continues to search around the house in hopes youre around here somewhere

he happens to find you by yourself in the study on your d.d.d.

belphie feels bad bothering you, and enters the room quite quietly

“mc, can we talk?”

he sits down next to you and lays his head on your shoulder

contrary to what he stated he wanted, not much talking is being done

he just lies there quietly crying with no explanation why

he realises he may not be as ready to talk about it as he thought... but thats okay

you tell him that youre going to listen whenever hes ready to talk about it

that makes him feel a lot better

he falls asleep right there with a thankful smile placed on his face

[starymintss]

Please enjoy an essay on why mitsukou has so much fucking potential and why they’re great together

by Elena~

I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a connection like the one that mitsukou shares. This ship literally has true canon potential. I have hope and believe that we may be victorious in mitsukou becoming canon- I mean god dammit guys they are “SEMI CANON”-

kounene obviously won’t be endgame. In Houkago Shounen Hanako Kun (the spin-off series) they played a game in which the person who pulled a king card was able to get to command a person that was playing the game to do something no matter what. When Kou pulled his card- he literally decided he wanted his brother Teru who was there and Nene to have a romantic connection (hence- him saying and I fucking quote, “This will make senpai happy!”) He could’ve done it to his own benefit- to maybe earn a kiss or do something of his own benefit. But he didn’t, instead choosing to make his senpai happy.

Besides Hananene is basically canon already like what the fuck

As for Mitsuba he’s a gay coded character and hasn’t denied the guys aren’t his type. Some people who deem Mitsuba straight might use the scene where he tells Kou “Is this a love confession? Sorry but lame earrings aren’t really my style.” That still does not confirm that Mitsuba doesn’t swing that way. A really great piece of evidence is the bonus comics at the start and end of a manga- one titled, “Tell Me, Mitsuba Kun,” in which Kou asks if he ever had a crush on other girls- Mitsuba responding that there are simply no other girls cuter than him. In another bonus comic he says the same thing again when he tells Yokoo and Satou he wants to fall in love. When asked to name some girls he thinks are cute, he asks if it's possible that he was the cutest one of all. On the other hand, Kou has stated that he likes someone with a pretty smile (do I have to explain that) which is a pretty open explanation of his type (not denying or confirming he doesn’t like guys). Obviously as a Mitsukou shipper I can point out different actions that I’ll admit looks pretty gay.

It’s not the fact that it’s very common in manga like this that there’s the straight couple and then the other two people in the group are automatically paired together- they are so much more than that. They have a deep connection, and both Kou and Mitsuba are somewhat aware of that themselves. Mitsuba is willing to protect Kou from harm- he’s willing to stop him from getting himself hurt for others because Mitsuba cares, and he knows that he’s too reckless and caring and fearless for others in a way that isn’t healthy?

Kou likes to be everything for everyone and the reader can see in chapter 64 that Mitsuba really did try to talk to him about the behavior. Yes it’s weird to see Mitsuba actually show true concern to people--because it’s his character to be a jerk and an asshole, but that doesn’t mean Mitsuba is incapable of not having true genuine feelings for people he seems as his friends.

Obviously, Mitsuba trying to talk to Kou didn’t happen due to other events that occurred. But I think a lot of people agree that the moment would’ve been so beautifully written and truly played an extremely important part in Kou’s character development.

As for Mitsuba, Kou is generally a sweet guy. It’s stated he will give up his life for anyone, it was what he was taught growing up as an exorcist and a fighter. Those words do not fail his actions, and anyone can see Kou will die for literally anything which is really messed up. He’s 14 for fucks sake.

Someone against Mitsukou could use that as an argument but we see here in the manga that there’s simply something different about this said connection. Kou is first introduced to Mitsuba in chapter 30 something, and he remembers who he is after Yokoo tells him--what happened to Mitsuba that was ultimately the end of his life. Mitsuba does again by his rumor being changed, and being stabbed by Hanako- but it’s the fact he cries and loses sleep and just cannot let him go for anything that moves me. May I point out that he actually decided to process the photos even after Mitsubas death? He didn’t have to do that. Not at all. But he did anyways. It’s seen that Kou wants to find a way to help Mitsuba get away from Tsukasa and help him fit in more- he wants to be a friend. (Note: after he’s reintroduced to Mitsuba; this Mitsuba being a pure apparition with no memories.)

Mitsuba is deeply insecure about himself, and feels he doesn’t fit in. He’s lonely, and doesn’t have friends even as a ghost. But Kou is there. He’s there to be by Mitsubas side.

The deep connection the two of them have is strong and that’s especially shown in the picture perfect arc. At the beginning Kou first sees Mitsuba as a human and obviously it’s freaking him out because-he’s a ghost you know. But once him and Nene meet Shijima Mei, and are told they must kill Hanako (Amane) and Mitsuba, it’s disturbing to them. At this point in the series literally everyone know Hanako and Yashiro share a connection as lovers. I mean- its the couple that the series revolves around. But Kou is deeply disturbed because he doesn’t want to kill Mitsuba. Yet- Mei also reassured them that things will be alright since after all this is a fake world and there’s no need for hesitation. But it’s still affecting Kou and he’s carrying this information on his back as he learns beside Mitsuba in school and has fun with him while cleaning the pool. At night, when the two of them are walking on the school building and watching the stars from the window, Kou confronts Mitsuba about this (note: by now Kou knows that Mitsuba knows). Mitsuba goes on to reveal his true form, and uses his powers to show Kou the past. He tells him about how he learns about his past self. And he states to just feel so… “envious”

Mitsuba grows angry with Kou- because he can see how he’s looking at the true Mitsuba with such a gaze the fake Mitsuba knows he won’t ever get.

Things lead to one another and he smashes the window in fury. (“It’s that Mitsuba you want, right?!” And I dare you to tell me that doesn’t sound like a fucking quote from a bittersweet romance novel.)

Kou insists on getting Mitsuba out of there. And can I please just point out that Mitsuba says: “What are you doing?!” He asks Kou if this isn’t what he wanted- if this isnt the life they want to live from here on out where they can be happy together along with their friends. This reminds me of a direct parallel to Hananene, in which Hanako is confused as to why Nene wouldn’t want to stay here, and Nene tells him that this isn’t what she wants. Kou says the same thing to Mitsuba.

Kou drags out embedded feelings Mitsuba has as they fight, and he says quotes that are really important to their development. Things such as:

“But… who else is there?! Who else could grant my wish?! Even you, Minamoto- Kun!”

“You see… even you don’t care about me. It’s that “Mitsuba,” isn’t it?! I don't even MATTER!!”

“I’m Mitsuba’s fake, but let’s just call it real! This is a world where the “Mitsuba” you were unable to save can live happily! That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Even if it’s only in this world, be my friend, and stay by my side… I’m just thinking scary things. Over there, I’ll be jealous.”

I think the Picture Perfect arc really shows how desperate Mitsuba is to have friends- to fit in with everyone else and to just feel like he belongs and matters. Kou tries to tell him that isn’t true... he’s willing to do everything to let him know that he is so much more than what he deems himself as. He’s so much more than a “fake” of what used to be his original friend, there's so much more to do than wish wishes and hope things will just go the way you want things to go. There’s a better way than to look to evil to bend and defy the laws of existing.

There’s the famous quote Kou says- the “How about I die too. So that we can be together forever.” And how he decided right there this this fake Mitsuba- this apparition who very much will never become human- is worthy. He’s worthy of his life; this is more than the whole “I will die for every life” because Mitsuba is dead- he’s immortal as a ghost. But a human like him... in Mitsubas words someone who will never understand something as ugly and as horrifying as a apparition born from a real persons soul and lesser about to disappear spirits- Kou will give his life up just to know the hell he goes through. Even if it’s just a glimpse- even if it’s just for a second Kou will do anything to just fulfill Mitsubas wish for him to stay by his side. He will do anything for Mitsuba.

I think writing this out also makes me realize they both have their walls up. Kou has his walls up to try and hide his true feelings- his deepest fears and insecurities- feeling as if he isn’t good enough. Mitsuba has his walls up to do the same. He portrays himself as a guy that he deems will get him friends. He hides the ugliness in himself- hides the fact he’s a total fake; doesn’t belong anywhere and his deepest insecurities.

But the two of them together help each other in such a way that it’s unable to truly analyze every single moment they share together.

They help each other but teach the other to bring their walls down. That it’s okay to talk about your feelings and that you don’t have to be everything for everyone. That you don’t have to give up everything you have living- your health and your literal life- for someone. That it’s okay to feel like you don’t fit in. It’s okay to feel like there’s just no other choice of getting what you want and therefore doing the wrong things. That people will love you just for you; what happened in the past put aside.

Mitsuba and Kou are in love.

The end. 💖

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon, sorry I've been gone for a while. To be honest I found out about Pokémon Uranium and I've been playing it non-stop for the last few days. And now I have a massive brain fart and can not remember a certain event in the story for the life of me for some reason. I know it happened I just don't know what happened. 

14: They'd both roll into a ball and if you throw them fast and hard enough it'll be like playing bowling! It happens when their all asleep, and about a month after Foolish. It happens because while everyone else is sleeping, Ranbob isnt, as he just cant sleep. So he's sat just outside the cave they stopped in, staring at the stars. When Raq sneaks up behind him, originally he planned to get Ran by using a mix of posion and slowness, but upon seeing Ranbob he takes advantage and gets him instead. So he shots him with a slowness/fatigue arrow and when Ranbob eventually falls asleep, he comes and gets him. Because he wants Ran though he leaves a message in enderian, then takes Ranbob to a camp with a few other hunters. 

Ran is pissed and acts impulsively, though his anger is used to mask the desperation, horror, and sadness he feels. Everyone else  are also mad yet scared, and are stuck between immediately going to help or taking time to come up with a plan. Specifically between Watson, Isaac, and Benjamin wanting to wait to come up with a plan. And Grievous, Cletus, and Jackie wanting to immediately go rescue him. While Charles focuses more on making sure Ran doesnt run off without anyone else...which he does anyway. They eventually settle on planning but that's ruined when Ran runs off and everyone has to scramble to wake up and follow after him. 

They get him back within a week actually so very fast. They get him back by Ran running off to the camp he had seen remains of eailer (it looked like a often camped at spot so it makes sense to check there) and since he got there at night no one saw him. Which gave him a chance to look around and find where Ranbob was. By the time the others caught up to him, the sun was rising and he was running to hide in the forest. They spend the next day observing the camp and what everyone does, then that night they launch a suprise attack where Ran manages to grab his brother and run away. Though he does get shot. 

In the aftermath Ran is poisoned with the same stuff his currently barely lucid brother is, and barely manage to get them to a safe spot. Where the others eventually find them and take to watching over and eventually grabbing them and running futher away. And when their finally in a safe spot and the brothers are awake and left alone, theres a bit of a heart to heart between the two that allows each to tell their side of things, and opens tons of doors for them. The heart to heart ends with them both apologizing and hugging, and at a later time (not sure when yet) during the night they comfort eachother and end up sleeping next to eachother. 

-------------

Not super often, but it comes into play for little stuff. Like the entire group is just mining when Ranboo just runs into a gaint vein of emeralds. Oh yes, he actually walks into a lake to get something he dropped when suddenly he's in extreme pain. And while the others treat his burns his brother is just silently disappointed that he didn't know he couldn't go into water. Ran knows well enough to avoid it from his time alone, Ranbob after the above accident tries to avoid water but forgets at time, while Ranboo will avoid water he also is the kind of person to just step into water because he can (its like that moment in one of his streams where they where talking about lactose intolerance people and how they just chug milk because they refuse to let natural selection take them.). 

Stealing items (which will get them almost killed), hiding things from people, the typical putting their bedroll over a hole, pushing Phil into water and running from him when he emerges pissed, etc. 

They have 3 main ones 1. Something malfunctioned with Karl's time traveling watch and sent all of them back to a time already visited, and because of the malfunction the watch as almost completely broke, leaving them stuck until its fixed. 2. Dream is behind it since he's in both worlds and found a way to break the time barrier and sent them back so they wouldn't get in his way. 3. God hates them. 

They do! Because they are stuck in the future. And because everything else that used to cause the anger and sparks the fights are gone now, and any current existing spite or problems between people are put on hold so they can find out how to escape. And with those factors out of the way they manage to actually talk and get to know eachother. 

I like to think that Techno and Phil have never gotten along with Dream (the only reason Techno ever worked with Dream is because it was for a common goal/interest, and it took more priority than killing eachother), and want to kill him for multiple reasons (Tommy, Wilbur, Ranboo, Fundy, etc) and will gladly take any excuse to kill him. The fact Dream went this far to harm this many people makes them disgusted and determined to finally follow through and kill him. There no real start to the ire between them all, they just never liked Dream from the start and all he's done has done nothing but depend it. Brfore knowing their reasons for being hesitant, their mad that Tubbo and Karl are even hesitanting in killing Dream. But after their explanation for their hesitation, everyone actually freezes and realizes, "Oh shit their right." And instead start to plan to find a soild way home first that won't collapse on them, then kill Dream. Which is easier said than done. 

He said what I said last time with the Technoblade stuff. But he also just kinda yelled at them about how Ran needs to stop ignoring evidence and how Ranbob needs to stand up for himself. He also empathizes that they need to think of how the others view this all, how it affects them, how they focused solely on themselves and now need to start focusing on others. 

Also you got a cat? May I see cat or no?

Pokemon are always awesome. Is the game any good? But good to have you back, Brothers Anon.

14: They could make a game out of it, when they're bored. Ill-advised, but certainly an interesting time!

Why does Raq know Enderian? How's Ranbob's time at the camp, if he's even aware of it, since you said he's out of it? Ran gets shot? If Ranbob's barely lucid, how does it effect Ran? How does that go, with both of them out of it?

They hug? Does Ran admit he was worried? Do they do this when they're more lucid, or no? How's the morning after this whole show go?

-----------

Can you imagine how everybody feels? They're mining for hours, Ranboo, five minutes in, comes out with half a stack of emeralds. The confusion, the bewilderment. Beautiful.

Ranbob: Oops, dropped something.

Water: *burns him*

Ranbob: *shocked pikachu face*

*Months later*

Ranbob: Oops, dropped something-

They just? Walk into water sometimes? Good lord, their poor groups. Imagine having to try and keep your endermen friends from taking a tip purely out of spite.

It sounds like these guys have more of a death wish than anything. Pushing Phil into water is just asking to die.

Pfft. God hates them? Who proposed that one? Hilarious image that invokes. They're all just sitting in a circle, throwing out ideas, very tired. Someone throws out theory number three. Everyone agrees immediately.

Very nice! Are we getting more found family here?

This implies Techno to be fairly closer with the mentioned people, if he's angry with Dream for what was done to them. What's his relationship with them all in this AU?

How does that whole thing go, with them originally being upset with Karl and Tubbo? Is it something that just comes out immediately, and is quickly resolved, or is it something that rolls out over the course of a few days?

Ranboo has very good advice, but also, like? Mr. Typically And Possibly Literally Spineless telling his descendant to stand up for himself? How did his group react to that?

Here is the kitty in question, Muff.

She's very energetic, but she plays a bit rough, and keeps gnawing on my fingers.

[mistymark]

VIGILANTE/S. I

 part one // 2.0k words // superpowered!au // series masterlist

summary; in which you consider yourself somewhat of a vigilante.

warnings; mentions of blood and death, depiction of some violence

notes; this is shorter than its supposed to be but the second half I hated so have this in the meantime :(( also this isnt related to my superpowered!au timestamps <3

Perched atop the building opposite the bar, you had a perfect view of its entrance and the laneway beside it. It wasn’t that late, but you always made sure to stop by it on your way home. Even at midnight, well-known Supers were stumbling out the door, drunk already and on their way either home or to meetings. On their arms were Shields, combat supers with abilities that would win in any fight if you were stupid enough to challenge them. Only some of them had bruises or blood on their faces, courtesy of the barfights that always broke out at The Den.

Normally, you’d only watch for a couple minutes for any easy trouble but tonight, it came a lot faster than expected. A group of four boys only a few years older than yourself walked out, their laughs carrying in the empty city air. This part of town was always abandoned at night, and it was mostly because of places like The Den, bars and casinos that became riddled with notorious supers and criminals.

Yelling and pushing each other along the sidewalk, you watched carefully as they walked past an alleyway, a man in a sleeping bag leaning against the building catching one’s eye.

“Hey!” He called out to the rest of the group, who had continued walking. “Look who it is!” They turned around and tried to make out the man in the darkness, before turning back around and walking to the intersection on the main road, searching for a taxi.

Meanwhile, the one left behind began to softly kick the man in the sleeping bag, muttering. You stood up and carefully slid down a drain pipe of the building, keeping a close eye on the drunk boy. It didn’t surprise you when it quickly turned violent, and you rolled your eyes, Seriously?

You dashed across the street and stopped a couple metres from him, “Hey!”

Your voice caught his attention immediately, and he stopped kicking the groaning man in favour of turning on you. A lazy smile made its way onto his face as he looked you up and down, “I think you’re in the wrong part of the city, babe.”

Babe? Okay, so you’re definitely an asshole. He raised a hand slightly, palm up, and wiggled his fingers slowly, crackling white energy winding its way around his hand and wrist. Lightning. No way.

You stood casually, before turning your hands over so that your palms were facing the sky, and you could feel it. The power rushing through you was almost addictive, and you wiggled your fingers in the same way he did. Within a second, the same coils of lightning were wrapping around your hands. “I think I’m in the right place.” You cocked your head to the side, “But thank you for your concern.”

The look on his face was priceless. This was always your favourite part – seeing someone who thought they were special realise they’re not the only ones with their abilities. In truth, as far as you knew, it wasn’t possible for any two people to share an ability. That’s what made your mimicry so special – as long as you were in range of that person, you could have their abilities, too. Beat them at their own game.

There was no reason for you to harm this drunk fool, so you nodded in the direction of his friends, “Go.” He stood, frozen in shock. You rolled your eyes and focused on the lightning in your hands, swirling it into a crackling ball, and raising it threateningly. This time you tried to be as stern as possible, “Go.”

He nodded and ran from you – in the wrong direction, but you didn’t care about that – and you bent down to see if the victim was okay. The man was already asleep before you could ask him any questions, and you wanted to stay but the sound of gunshots coming from The Den startled you into action, scrambling up a nearby fire escape. You were happy to deal with bullies and petty crimes, but gun fights, notorious criminals and gangs were not your scene. Especially when they happened to be supers, too.

You preferred to act as a sort of friendly neighbourhood spider-man, without the cool webshooters. When you were at a safe distance from the bar, you began to make your way home, only turning around when you heard muffled voices and shouts of pain.

You watched with wide eyes as the senator was dragged from The Den into a nearby black van. Everything came to you at once: the bag over his head tightened by some sort of cable, the blood on his pressed pinstripe suit, the numberplate of the van, the trio of men in matching black outfits keeping watch from the bar’s entrance, the overwhelming feeling of power you felt from them. Heat vision, bulletproof durability and light manipulation. You could feel each power. You could feel it from the top of the four-storey building. They’re more powerful than anyone you’ve ever met.

But then you felt a sudden addition – a shape shifter.

There were only three people on the street.

Fear crept across your back as you slowly turned around, analysing the rooftop for any company. There was no one there, but you could feel the familiar feeling of power running through your veins, and the trio of kidnappers had already retreated into the underground bar.

But then you saw it – the tiny bit of motion from the rooftop opposite. The one you’d been watching from earlier in the night. Whomever it was, they were not used to watching from there; retreating down the stairs slowly before walking down the street in the opposite direction to which the black van drove.

“Yeah, we were right,” Mark spoke lowly as he descended the stairs of the rusty fire escape. “They took the senator.” He had the odd feeling of being watched, but he let it go.

“Knew it,” Donghyuck responded, his voice loud and breathy from the proximity of his mouth to the microphone.

“Donghyuck, how many times do I have to tell you? Don’t speak directly into your mic,” Johnny’s voice was firm. “Get back to the house.” Mark knew that order was for him.

The ‘house’ was actually a huge warehouse located two blocks away. Though it looked abandoned, the warehouse was fully fit out on the inside as a proper training space, headquarters and dorm for the team. Mark still didn’t know how Jaehyun had paid for it all, but at this point he wasn’t going to ask. Questions weren’t exactly well-received by the team’s leader.

He walked the distance in total silence, keeping an ear out for any odd sounds or footsteps. There was nothing. Not even the sound of cars driving by – everyone knew better than to be in this part of the city this late at night – nor the sound of rain. No voices.

When he got to the entrance, he opened the squeaky gate and slipped through the small crack. He was greeted by Donghyuck, who waited in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe casually, “What’s up?” There were no working lights on the outside of the building - all the 10 year old bulbs had blown long ago – but the moonlight provided enough light for Mark to make out the look on Donghyuck’s face, and know Donghyuck was up to something.

“Let me in,” Mark’s voice was deeper, more aggressive than usual, more like a growl.

“Not until we deal with it,” Donghyuck’s voice was too eager for Mark’s liking, and there was a certain sparkle in his eye that made Mark weary.

“Deal with what?”

“This little spy,” Doyoung’s voice came from behind him, and Mark turned around to see Doyoung dragging a dark figure towards the entrance by the elbow. “Bring back a souvenir, did you?” His eyes narrowed at Mark before he pushed the stumbling figure through the gate.

“You’re taking her inside?” Even Donghyuck seemed surprised by this, and hurried to move out of the way so Doyoung could step into the warehouse.

“I’ve put a block on her mind – she won’t remember me or how she got here.” When Mark looked at the figure’s face again, he noticed the glazed over look in their eyes, and the stillness of their face, a token expression of a person who had had their mind messed with. He couldn’t help thinking, If it weren’t for Doyoung’s compulsion, you’d probably be quite pretty.

Once they got past the false entrance, a small room with dilapidated walls and holes in the ceiling, they were in the main part of the warehouse, where the rest of the team had been awaiting their arrival. Jeno and Jaemin were practicing in the large combat ring in the centre of the warehouse, and Mark could see Jaemin zipping around Jeno, dodging his punches. His superspeed gave him the advantage, but Jeno managed to land a punch, his super strength nearly knocking Jaemin out of the ring entirely. He barely gave the newcomers a second glance, until he realised Doyoung was holding onto a captive – a witness, probably, a suspect, hopefully – and held his hand out to Jaemin to help him up, the bruise on the latter’s face making him scowl. He accepted his friend’s hand, anyway.

“You’re getting better,” Jeno said, though his tone said otherwise. Jaemin probably was getting better; that was just way Jeno spoke.

“There’s a reason I’m the getaway driver and not a fighter,” Jaemin responded, dusting his pants off, before grabbing a fistful of Jeno’s shirt and hitting him square on the cheek. The whole thing happened in half a second, and Jaemin stepped back before Jeno could grab his hand and crush it as easily as he would a fly.

Jeno sent him an approving nod and they exited the ring together to greet Donghyuck.

Mark noticed Chenle and Renjun were nowhere to be found, probably off in their rooms somewhere, but Jaehyun was in his office – the walls surrounding the large space were currently clear glass, though he had the ability to make them opaque if he wished for some privacy. Johnny was in there, too, arguing with the leader.

Doyoung ignored the team as he brought Mark’s stowaway into Jaehyun’s office. Johnny immediately turned around when Doyoung interrupted their conversation, a frown on his face, but Doyoung said something Mark couldn’t make out and the walls turned black before he could see Jaehyun’s response.

“What’s with the girl?” Jaemin asked, unwrapping the bandages from his hands. He was looking at Mark now.

“She followed me from The Den. Doyoung thinks she could work for a Denner.”

“You don’t think so,” Jeno stated. It wasn’t a question – he knew this for a fact.

“No.” Mark sighed. “I don’t think so.”

“Maybe she was following you home cause she wanted to fuck,” Jaemin let out a half-hearted laugh.

Donghyuck snorts, “Yeah, that’s likely.”

There’s a split second before Jeno reacts. With a swift hit to the back of the neck, there’s a horrible squelching noise as the vertebrae in Donghyuck’s neck are crushed, his body falling limp to the floor. He’s dead within moments.

Jaemin doesn’t even look surprised. Mark can’t find it in him to be surprised, either. Jeno’s aggression was the reason he was so deadly. All his arrests were due to the same reason: someone picking a fight with the one person they shouldn’t have.

“Oops?” He offers, and it’s the closest thing to a joke you’ll ever get from Jeno.

[handonshipper]

A Twist Through Time: Chapter Three

Several hours later, the group had finally arrived in Mystic Falls. Hope had been sketching a couple of landscapes while they drove. It was pretty great, considering the fact she was in a car with regular pencils instead of artistic pencils. She wanted to talk her father. Or tell Dr. Saltzman. But Dr. Saltzman didnt even have much experience at this point. And telling her father wouldnt get her anywhere. 

Klaus parked the car in front of his mansion in Mystic Falls and stepped out of the car, opening the passenger door for Hope, as he had made Rebekah sit in the back to watch Stefan. “You are a quiet one aren’t you?” He questioned looking at Hope. “Here I thought we could have bonded over your lovely torture ideas.” He smirked. 

"I was busy sketching" Hope said, climbing out of the car, holding her sketchbook as she looked around and stepped away from the car. She wondered if her dad, as she knew him, would be proud of her trying not to change things. Not that she was doing a good job of that. "I prefer painting personally, but I sketch sometimes" she told him, holding the sketchbook. Her mind was turning as she thought about some parts of her life. The life she was forced to leave for the second time. 

Rebekah got out of the car and dragged Stefan out forcefully. She was frustrated. Both with Stefan's betrayal and Klaus putting her in the backseat while the witch got the front seat. 

Klaus looked at her curiously. What were the odds? He never truly met anyone else who was interested in art, which was why, for a moment, he was distracted from his vengeful thoughts and the plan to get the necklace. “As do I. Prefer painting I mean.” He said softly. “I mainly only sketch to plan out future paintings.” He wanted to say more, but as Rebekah spoke he was snapped out of his thoughts.

"So what's the plan, Nik? Did you plan to search for the necklace or should i?" Rebekah questioned, wanting both her necklace and to find out what was Stefan Salvatore's big secret.

“I will. And I will take Hope with me. Seeing as Mystic Falls has the very obnoxious Bonnie Bennett, it is only fair I have much more powerful witch with me as well.” He then looked at Stefan and stepped closer to him so he could compel him.  

Hope smiled a little at that before it disappeared, her mind going to the first time she had painted with him. The only time.... The first day she had met him. 

Stefan almost instinctively took a step back, but he knew it was no use. This was his punishment. And Klaus was faster and much more powerful. 

Klaus stepped closer to him. While on the outside he portrayed a smug expression, inside he truthfully just wanted Stefan to hurt after betraying him. As he look into his eyes, he spoke calmly. “Turn off your humanity. And do as I say, until I demand otherwise.” 

Elena wasn't there to help him fight it this time around. His pained eyes closed, and when he opened them again a moment later, his humanity was off. He felt free yet restrained at the same time. Restrained by his tie to what Klaus wanted and free from the guilt and the pain and the worry. 

Hope watched, feeling a bit guilty but knowing it had to be done. Everything had to happen as close as possible. Otherwise the whole future could change. And as much as the future sucked in some areas for her, she couldnt risk it getting worse. She needed to ensure she would be born. And so would the twins. 

She needed to get back to Landon. 

Klaus smirked as he watched Stefan let go of the little bit of humanity he had left when he compelled him. “Well then. Now that we have that sorted, come along Hope. Let’s find that necklace.” He settled and looked over at Rebekah. “Babysit Stefan will you? I have important matters to tend to and anyone else will simply get in the way.” 

Rebekah scowled at that and nodded, holding back remarks, before nearly dragging Stefan into the house. "Come on, Stefan" she said. Stefan chuckled softly and followed her inside. Not that he had much of a choice. She was strong. 

Hope watched them go before looking at Klaus. "Alright. Let's go then" 

Klaus watched the two in satisfaction before turning his attention back to Hope. “Right. What exactly happened when you performed the spell?” He asked curiously, wanting to get an idea on where to start looking. 

"I saw two teenage girls" Hope said, looking at Klaus. "They were both brunettes. One was black and the other had olive totoned skin. They were talking about Stefan and wondering what bad things he was doing while off with you under your influence" 

 Klaus frowned at the description of the second teenager but didn’t think too much of it. He knew Elena Gilbert was dead and Katerina took off after he let her go. “Right. Well, let’s start with the local witch, Bonnie Bennett. With the right torture methods, anyone can be made agreeable.” He smirked. 

"I dont usually torture people in my spare time." Hope said casually. "I did torture my ex boyfriend once though" She looked at Klaus. "A truth spell is always handy too. I could do one on Stefan to have him tell us who exactly he knows that has the necklace."

It wasnt much of a difference than Klaus suddenly finding Elena at least. And she wanted him to know she was on his side. He was her father after all. She loved him. Suddenly a thought occurred to her.

"While I'm trying to figure out the spell that brought me to Stefan's apartment, I plan on helping you" she said, looking at him. "And I'm not necessarily asking for anything in return. Except maybe a place to stay while I try to figure out the spell. But there is something I am looking for. A magical object. If you dont want to help me find one, I get it. I'm not only agreeing to help you if I get it. But I would appreciate it. It's a prism that lets someone talk to their subconsious. If you've ever seen or heard of one" 

Klaus felt a frown forming the more he listened to her. Ever since he met her there had been something off about her. Something he couldn’t quite place. Right now she was essentially trying to tell him how to do things, and instead of ripping her heart out, some minuscule part of him actually wanted to listen. 

Granted he ignored that part, but the fact that it was there in the first place troubled him. “I have no objection to you staying in this house. I won’t be here for a while once I find the necklace anyway. As for your magical object, I may have heard whispers of something like that. However, I cannot say I’ve come across one. Still, I see no harm in assisting you with it in my spare time. You might just be the only witch in existence who’s presence I can actually tolerate.” He snorted. “In regards to the necklace...I never said you had to partake in torture. Though it is my preferred method of interrogation.” He smirked and looked towards the house. “Especially to those who have betrayed me. Thank you for suggesting I begin with Stefan.” 

She couldnt help the small smile that formed on her face as he mentioned that he could tolerate her. Considering he didnt know her or the fact he had a child, this was touching. She knew he hadn't been fond of witches before, only using them when he needed them.

"Thank you" Hope said once he finished speaking. She really just wanted it to feel less alone here. To talk to Landon, even if it is fake. "As for the topic of betrayal, it isnt something I take lightly. The ex boyfriend I mentioned? He lured me into a trap that caused the death of my mother" She wasnt holding a grudge against him anymore. She knew it wasnt his fault. He had been brainwashed by his Nazi vampire mother. But....at the time, the betrayal had affected her strongly. So much she had closed herself off even more.

Klaus’ expression softened for a split second before it quickly returned back to normal. Sympathy and pity weren’t emotions he normally experienced, certainly not to total strangers. “My condolences then. 

For your mother. I am glad you got your revenge against that man. It may not bring her back, but at least you have the satisfaction of looking back and knowing you gave him hell just as well.” He said simply. He was silent for a few seconds, and eventually spoke again. “The necklace I am searching for is to communicate with my mother. When I was young she placed a curse on me. And now that I’ve broken it, there are certain aspects of it that aren’t exactly as they should be.”

Hope listened to him and nodded. "Thank you for telling me" she said, appreciating the information even though she already figured that out. "I will do what I can to help you figure out why things arent as they should be" Hope said softly

Klaus gave her a nod, truly surprised a stranger was willing to pledge her loyalty to him so easily while his own siblings were not. “I suppose I should thank you as well. For your assistance. It isn’t easy for anyone to do that when it comes to me. Certainly not witches. I am what the entirety of the world calls an abomination. A hybrid. Both werewolf and vampire.” 

"You're not an abomination. You're different. You're unique. But that doesnt have to be a bad thing." 

Hope said, thinking of what her mother had told her once or twice in the past. 

Klaus blinked slowly, genuine surprise clouding his features for a moment until a small, but genuine smile formed on his lips. It disappeared just as quickly, but it had been there. “I suppose I’ve never quite heard that. Especially given the fact that the curse my mother placed on me was to keep my werewolf side dormant. Now that I’ve broken it, I want nothing more than to create more of my kind. In a way...it is my revenge towards her.” At least that was part of it. The other part being of course that he didn’t wish to be alone. But he chose not to say that. 

Hope nodded at his words. She knew how it felt to be the only one of her species. She knew it felt lonely at times. Like your existence was a mistake. A random chance. And it didnt help that the witches think neither her or her father should exist

More so her than her father. "I can't even imagine what that must have been like for you, having part of yourself locked up inside." And to think she nearly let it happen to herself. 

Klaus shifted his gaze away from her and nodded. “It feels like...” He sighed softly. “Like being chained up in the smallest of cages. The more you struggle, the harder they grip at you, all while the cell closes in tighter and tighter.” He explained quietly, never having been that open with anyone about it. “It’s impossible to understand unless you have been through it, but that is the best way I can explain it. Just imagine how you would feel if your magic was suddenly taken from you. Knowing you are a witch, yet not being able to perform a single spell.” 

Hope nodded a little at that, frowning at the mere thought of her father going through it. "And you've suffered with that for a thousand years?" She said quietly. 

Klaus nodded in confirmation and slowly looked back at her. “Yes. Just a little over a thousand years. I finally broke it recently. However, when I attempted to turn werewolves into hybrids, they only died. 

Seeing as my mother created the curse, I figure she must have the answers as to why it is failing.” 

"Well, we should go find the necklace then" Hope said, looking at him, knowing they had gotten distracted from the goal by their personal talk

Klaus nodded, slowly coming back to reality. “Right. I suppose you performing that truth spell on Stefan would get us the answer quicker. I can always torture him later.”

Hope nodded and went inside the house. She went over to Stefan and casted the truth. "Did you give Rebekah's necklace to anyone?"

Stefan looked at Hope. "Yes" he said.

"Who did you give it to?" Hope questioned.

"Elena Gilbert" The vampire answered.

Klaus followed Hope into the house and watched as she performed the spell. When he heard the answer Stefan gave he blinked in surprise. “Elena Gilbert is alive?” He smirked. “Ah. Suddenly it all makes sense. 

Why you wanted to keep me away from finding the necklace.” He chuckled in disbelief. “No matter. 

Now I get to kill her twice. Luckily for me, you no longer care.”

"Wait" Hope said, looking over at Klaus. "We should find the necklace and communicate with your mother first. That should remain our priority" Especially since Elena surviving was crucial.

Klaus frowned when he heard Hope speak. Instantly his paranoid self wanted to get the best of him, but he did his best to push that feeling away. So far Hope had proven she was on his side. And he did need to get the necklace. “Fine. Though after that, I’m having Stefan rip out her heart himself.” He muttered before heading out of the house. 

Hope glanced over at Stefan before following Klaus out of the house. "Alright. So if Elena has the necklace, where would she be?" 

  “We can check her house first.” Klaus suggested knowing even if he didn’t find her there, he could always get her there by using her family. They were her weakness. Something he learned when he first met her. 

Hope nodded at his words. "Alright then. Let's go" she said, looking over at him. "Lead the way"

Klaus nodded and held out his hand to her. “We will get there faster using vampire speed.” At this point all he wanted was to get the necklace. He could leave torturing both Elena and Stefan for later.

"Alright." She said softly. Hope nodded and took his hand without hesitation, something that was unusual for Klaus. She clearly trusted him.

Klaus blinked when Hope suddenly took his hand. He stared at her, both confused and shocked for a second, not really knowing what to say. Eventually he decided his questions would have to wait. Right now finding the necklace was more important. Which was why he held her hand firmly and sped over to Elena Gilbert’s house. 

[emuftw]

Dreamboy Fan theory (Part 1)

TW: mentions of physical abuse, animal abuse and depression

Quick intro! - So with the next episode being the season 1 finale, I thought it would be a good time to share my theory of what is going on at PepperHights. I wanted to share now before the finale comes around and totally proves me wrong but for once I oddly don’t mind. It also goes without saying it is just a fan-theory and it’s not meant to be taken too seriously. With that being said however, I do talk about the themes as tagged so be mindful whilst reading. One key note, going forward when I use “Dane” I will be referring to character Dane in the show. When talking about the real Dane, I will be referring to him as “Producer Dane” when talking about all things outside of the podcast.

Also, this is LONG! When I started this I was hoping for a post similar length to my transcription of the Instagram live. As I keep typing however I realise that to make this flow easier I have split this into two parts. Part 1 will talk about the general theme of “what’s going on” and my guess at how Season 1 will end. Part 2 will carry on with the key points that were mentioned before, but with focus on the characters and how it all links together along with their individual theory’s.

Dreamboy has been an amazing podcast from start to finish. From the music, Character Danes sex drive to the sheer horror which is woven in every episode, it is clear you can see why it was picked up but Night Vale Presents. However, after seven and a half episodes (and a holiday special) there is still a lot of mystery of “what” is going on in the show. As fans we know that there has been a build up to something big happening and with hints of Aliens, magic and the super natural taking place in most episodes. For me though, there seems to be one clear overriding theme that is taking place and that ISNT the idea of there being a giant fish, the fear of giant family corporations going to Jupiter and finding something, the dreams of death or even the sharing of dreams between two strangers.

It’s the horror that comes with mundane life and everyday people itself. For more clarity, I don’t think there is anything supernatural, Syfi or horror going on. Instead, I think this is a tale of people and the hardships of life and how it is perceived via tone which I am hoping to break down in this fan theory! Key themes here are things I have picked up though my own life experiences, what has been said on and off podcast, livestreams, and assumptions from what took place in the original off Broadway production/BTS episode and people who work on the podcast.

At the start of the podcast we are introduced to a morbid way of thinking with Dane’s idea of a supermarket is just one giant morgue of animals and dead plants. This creepy tone is continued throughout the whole story. It’s captivating, it’s engaging and its part of what makes the podcast great but there isn’t something that would count as a big “horror” or “bad guy”. Instead, it’s how Character Dane talks about the supermarket which makes it scary.

This use of Tone and description is used a lot to make us the listener gripped in the moment along with how we imagine and perceive what is being described to us, however, we havn’t yet seem to encounter one key thing which is actually “evidence” of something paranormal. Instead, a lot of what is happening can be put down as as the struggles of life and its affect on ones own personal mental health and personal life experiences that come with getting older as well as how we cope with the events around us. These can be seen in all our “main” characters Dane talks to such as Dane himself, Luke and Critch, all of whom I will talk about more in Part 2. (Note:  I don’t include Characters such as Carol and Dan in this as whilst our leads have spoken to them, unfortunately they don’t seem to have a big impact on the story outside of the episodes they are featured in.)

A good example however, of how Danes descriptions of characters and tone can be seen as “something supernatural is going on” is how we perceive Jennifer and the Non-Girl Scouts. When we first meet Jennifer, Dane describes her as a “child who looks like she has been raised by her grandparents”. She is also later described as a “girl scout” and is frequently referred to as a “child”/ “kid”. In a cultural context, when talking about girl scouts, being from England I associated them with our equivalent, who are ages from 7-10 and when she mentions that she and the other two had a “slumber party” it furthers this idea of a young girl. This tone/description sets us up to believe she is very young, which is even more jarring once she opens her mouth and speaks about complex issues such as feminism and equality in their complexity but sophisticated manor. All these Ideas, and Tone, leads us to think that she is “creepy” and “up to something big” in a supernatural sence. However in episode 7 our perception of how we view Jenifer changes.

In the episode Dane asks “what is she twelve?” to which she corrects him and tell us she is actually 13. This greatly surprised me when she told us this, and yet at the same time, for the first time made her human. At 13, we instantly gain between 3-7 years of life experience, meaning by now she is starting to form her own personality and ideology, which is something we expect from a teenager. A teenager talking about toxic masculinity is less jarring than a child talking about it. Whilst people would perceive her as a “child” still, there is a big difference in maturity level and complexity thinking, which means we no longer have a “creepy child girl scout” on our hands, but rather a “young teenager who is making their own choices though understanding social situations”. In this episode have a very human moment of a teenager asking for help as well as frustration break down when Dane won’t give her the keys as he “knows” they won’t open the door. I get the impression this is not easy to do for her,  and from the live stream we know she doesn’t like to be messed around. For the first time we have a very human moment where we see her struggles and vulnerability, rather than the creepy tone which has been set by Dane and his narrative.

So with the Idea set that we are dealing with real life instead of a big horror taking place, I would like to also address one of the key areas this applies to as well as what I believe is taking place. I would like to talk about Zoe the Zebra and what has actually happened.

For me personally, I believe that Zoe is already dead, but not for the reason you believe. Early on, in the first episode, we are told that Zoe is an old Zebra who is the Zoos start attraction. A bit of Basic googling shows us that in the wildlife, a zebra can realistically live for 10 years whilst in captivity they can live up to 40 years on record. If we assume that Zoe has never seen the wildlife and was bred in captivity, we can assume she was born into the Zoo around 1990 at the EARLIEST, meaning she’s a pretty old Zebra nearing 30 if Dreamboy is set in 2019. With the Zoo being popular but struggling for funds, and based off the other animals such as the monkey who needs to listen to opera to sleep, we can assume that Zoe did not have a suitable enclosure for her. An unsuitable environment along with being the “star” of the Zoo, it means she was also frequently surrounded by load noises, no enrichments/toys and could have been alone despite being a heard animal. These factors are all key contributors to animals developing some form of Stereotypical behaviour during her time at PepperHights.

(Quick definition break: Stereotypic behaviour is defined as a repetitive, invariant behaviour pattern with no obvious goal or function. Stereotypic behaviour is not seen in animals in the wild and is understood to be abnormal and is therefore a negative factor in conservation captive breeding. Common Stereotypical behaviour includes habits of repartition such as noise making, pacing in the same location and self-mutilation as a result of over grooming AKA not nice!).

Based on what I learned in my time working with animals, this behaviour can also lead to aggression when behaviour patterns are interrupted or the animal is dealing with something they are not familiar with (such as someone breaking into their cage late at night). This sadly what is likely lead to the death of Ian. Whilst in the story it has been said that Zoe’s fate is still to be decided via the judge later in the week, I  believe Zoe is actually already dead due to Zoo’s protocol’s that occur in these situations. It is very common when there is an active risk of the safety of the members of public in regards to wild animals, whether they have activity hurt a member of public or not, is too shoot the animal dead on the scene.

I have seen this happen when animals have killed members of staff in Zoo’s, to just lynx’s escaping from enclosures and going into the country side with no interactions with the public at all. If we are to assume that the person who reported Ian’s death also knew the Zoo’s procedures, we can assume that Zoe, who in in a scare fit killed Ian on accident, was shot on the scene to prevent anyone else being harmed. It is also worth noting that currently we do not know if we have seen Zoe since the incident, only that we have heard her cries which could have easily been recorded and played over the speaker system. It is also easy to believe as since Critch has requested no one to be present at her death, Zoe is already dead but Critch wishes to hide that so that people still visits the Zoo to see Zoe one last time before she goes as so many people love’s her. As well as this, it would also explain why there is such a big push for the lost ocean, as their main attraction is already dead.

Going back to the original discussion of theme, This idea of an animal who is kept in a poor enclosure, driven crazy by the noise and consistent lack of respect to then only be added on with her death on the scene is obvious a lot more realistic than the “murderous Zebra” or even the “drag Queen Zebra” which is frequently used to describe the situation. Its sadness of the situation, from an animal never being kept in its natural environment which lead to a young persons death, to the fact that there is no formal closure for this animals death, which leads to the finale being less of a supernatural horror to more of a real life situation which we as society become numb to as we exist day to day.

---

For now, this is all I have for part 1. The idea of nothing supernatural going on is something which seems to be something which is only slightly touched on with the “plot” of Dreamboy. In Part 2, the idea of personal hardships, challenges and how these can link to a more telling story is what I am hoping to cover as well as my own personal theories.

Will hopefully get part 2 up within the next couple of days but till then stay groovy!

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11 

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

[crazy-hand-official]

on hole

ok so this posts been a long time a comin’ but i finally feel like im drunk enough to talk about (and never shut the fuck up about) one of my favorite bands... Hole

hole’s music has meant a lot to me since i picked up Live Through This at some boring ass used cd store that also happened to sell erotic fantasy novels about good fathers. but anyway. holes music is for women with bad fathers. women who are kind of fucked up and angry about it, too. women who have trauma and scars and are kinda gross. women who were wronged but somehow by the grace of god empowered in the face of their horrible experiences. 

or at least it feels like that, dont it?

that was the main appeal of hole to me, anyway. i fell in love with this album around the second or third listen through. i was like, damn, shes pissed. it was so refreshing to hear a woman just screaming out her frustrations. how cathartic must it have been to be able to not only get it out, but also be taken somewhat seriously? of course hole never got the recognition they deserved. im of the unpopular opinion that they were waayyyy better than nirvana. without sounding kinda sappy... you know what fuck it im not apologizing to any of u. hole totally made me embrace womanhood. it influenced my own, much beloved way to just exist. 

but also i guess i just really love tunes. 

ps im not here for the courtney killed kurt debate lmfao!!

ok so heres the part where i write my onions about their four studio albums 

Pretty On the Inside

their first album and admittedly, my least favorite (that doesnt say much because i still really enjoy it). its sound is much more abrasive. love employs her most guttural screams in this one, but ill get to that. to its credit, its the most experimental but many interpret it as amateur guitar screeches and song bits just hashed together. and maybe theyre right! but what band doesnt have that not-quite-there-yet first album? its an unrefined, beautiful mess. A song title or two is spelled wrong. Garbadge man is one that comes to mind. and for some reason, its just... fitting. its an artistic mistake left in and its so dumb but thats the fun in it! thats the punk in it! they dont give a fuck so why should you? this album is a messy bitch. 

track im gonna nut about: mrs. jones

this song is apparently about a back alley abortion, and its just as brutal. love is screaming, just guttural sounds and expletives and nauseating lyrics. when i first heard it, i was absolutely entranced in the atrocity of it all. shes sweating, panting. i will follow you down the sick drain

other favorite tracks: teenage whore, good sister bad sister, pretty on the inside

Live Through This

their most popular album also happens to be my favorite! the start of it all...

i havent shut up about this album since day one because i just like it so much! she refines her skills and just comes out with a successful album that ties an array of horrible themes and wraps them up in a pretty pink bow. its soft aesthetic covers the dark, sickening themes that make the album. rape, anorexia, self harm, self hatred, violence, abuse... the list goes on. someone i one knew asked me why women with bipolar disorder and bpd love hole so much and i had to bite my tongue but to be brutally honest we probably like it because love had the nuts to scream about taboo themes that are so hurtfully common in our lives. just like how the depressed rally behind the smiths. oh that and the musics awesome. but anyway, the cover is a beauty queen the moment shes crowned. its supposed to represent someone who has fought, clawed, and fucked her way to the top. but look! shes the queen! shes the beauty queen! everyone will finally love her and treat her with respect! and all she had to do was sell her soul. all she had to do was get abused over and over to the point of breakdown. but she made it, didnt she? i mean, look how pretty the crown is!

favorite track im not gonna shut up about: i think i would die

im gonna be super lazy and just copy and paste what i wrote up one time when i talked about this song before:

wait nevermind i cant search for my post through my tag because tumblr is broken. something about breastmilk? ill update once i find it lmao. 

other favorite tracks: violet, softer softest, miss world

Celebrity Skin 

i dont have as many onions on this one. supposedly, love didnt want this album to become ‘the widow album’, but theres a song or two about kurt’s death snuck in there. this albums loud, but not nearly as angry as the first two. in fact, when shes not singing catchy pop tunes about how jaded she is, shes being sincere and heartfelt. all in all, its a fantastic album and my second favorite that hole has to offer. 

favorite track of the album: heaven tonight

ive heard two stories about what this songs supposedly about. on one hand, people say its about two lovers. the girl wants to lose her virginity to the guy, so she drives (recklessly) to his house and dies in an accident. she’ll never grow old, she’ll go to heaven tonight. on the other hand, i heard that love just wanted a fun song to sing to her daughter, frances bean. either way, it makes me want to dance. so idk if its about teenagers fucking or about a little girl who just needed a song, but its cool.

other favorite tracks: awful, celebrity skin, reasons to be beautiful

Nobody’s Daughter

years later, hole released their final album. when i first heard it, i was disappointed. the first track was great, but then.... i noticed her voice had deteriorated significantly due to her smoking and other vocal abuse. and i thought, damn, i really wish she released this when she was younger. she sounds normal when she screams, but i guess to compensate when singing softer parts, she does this kind of weird weird thing when enunciating that... ok i cant pinpoint or describe what exactly it is but it kinda sucks. ‘honey’ is the only hole song that i dont like very much, and its the best song to use as an example when trying to explain how her voice got all fucked. now, we cant all be bowie (whose singing voice only got better after years of smoking). but still. 

anyways, i listened to the album again, and i mean really listened to it. and actually! the smoker voice is the beauty of it! its a woman who is past jaded and past giving fucks about anyone or anything. its songs from a woman of experience. and she still sounds badass! her voice is so rough, she sounds like she could still fuck anyone up. its exciting. 

favorite track to get all sappy about: letter to god

i really found an appreciation for this song. this is a song about someone who cant be saved. and isnt that fucked up? youre so bad, so hated by all of those around you, but no one can hate you as much as yourself. and you try everything to pick yourself up but just nothing works. and everyone has their two cents in what they think will help you. but youve tried every med in the book and youve tried this and that and the other thing, and you come to the conclusion that you just cant be saved. youre drowning. so what do you do? you turn to god, a supernatural all-mighty being. but shit, i hope he can help you. because if he doesnt, fucking nothing ever will. so go write him that letter.

  i never wanted to be the person you see

other favorite tracks: nobodys daughter, skinny little bitch

and thats what i have to say about that!

[scourgethewhorehog]

long post abt social spaces specifically online and offline, unrelated to any recent events so don't put words in my mouth it just is part of me reflecting on trauma shit+ journaling + understanding why i lacked boundaries for so long and trying to sympathize with why other people may Also lack boundaries even if it doesnt , excuse certain shit

man does anyone else realize that condemning people as evil or dismissing them or insisting they are inherently bad to continue existence in a way they feel doesnt align to their worldview for things that dont actually cause harm on other people and are actually decent outlets to redirect traumatic experiences n passing judgement on them to the point theyre isolated to an incredibly small group of people to seek acceptance actually makes everyone worse off

and makes people question themselves and their morals to the point they eventually give up on trying to be a good person and actual bad people use this to infiltrate these groups of rejected traumatized people because of this us vs them mentality that comes from being rejected by wider society both by virtue of a lot of these ppl experiencing irl oppression 98% of the time and also have to deal from rejection even from any support group they may have to help them deal with very real life issues because everyone is inventing online problems and reasons to ostracize people more for like what for power for feeling like theyre better themselves in the face of all they also face in real life...

anyways this is just me thinking of how many people i see from a distance that have so much common ground with me and otherwise would be fine to be around but would hate me for being like a dirty evil queer with the kind of autism that isnt cute enough for tiktok who doesnt understand social cues or having the wrong kind of system or too bizarre of an identity as it is so when someone who comes along that checks so many of the boxes of just at least not fucking hating you you put up with So much shit. and thats what lead to like half of the abusive close relationships we've been in babey!

and when you talk to people outside of these circles, trying to get away from all the people who hurt you in them, there is subtle victim blaming, recovery spaces admonish you for having been in these spaces in the first place, insisting if you hadnt been who youve been you wouldnt be around these Inherently Bad people....

it doesnt help that in real life we did Everything right to not be the Bad Child, never dyed our hair until recently when we had enough, and never spoke out and paid all our bills on time and most gay people are disgusting perverts but youre quiet enough and never come out to your parents friends and never are too loud about it even if youre dying inside and want to cry when you have to say your partner is just your friend whose coming over because its a death sentence, god forbid we get into gender because even if we're trans in the end its just some sort of dykefag anyways and nothing gets acknowledged except the same imagined scenario of like. being a dirty depraved sex pervert even if you struggle to touch other people and are terrified to tell anyone about that.

being an assumed danger to other people no matter how harmless you are sucks. its like, i come online to all these people where, at surface level expression, maybe would like me, because physically everyone near me wouldn't if i was half honest, but i'm still too much for them too now and i'm left feeling exactly like i do day to day. the internet isn't really escapism anymore its the same shit with a new coat of paint. i go through life thinking these people are good people and would be cool in any other circumstance, and i wish them the best, but the minute i am me i am a problem and something is wrong and all the kindness and good will they have and their favorite dessert and birthday and the things i recognize of them and love and care about wont matter anymore because i stopped being a person to them, and it happens to me online now too! and that sort of blows but at least i actually have real friends now who are like family and ill count my blessings on that.

[logisticalandrewthinks-blog]

23, i want to die

so today is march 11th 2022. on this day 23 years ago i was born. idk, i dont understand why i am the way i am right now. i want to just pass away, holy shit im actually tearing up typing lmao. like literally nothing is wrong and yet everything is wrong. 

i think ive lost everyone, like i dont know like i cant think of a single person i could ever tell my troubles to anymore, i dont feel like theres a safe space that exists. like the thing is, its like sure i could say to someone, oh i have no safe space, and they would obviously say, well this is a safe space. but thats like the expected response, they cant exactly tell you to fuck off after you’ve basically just emotionally blackmailed them into saynig it, idk, like every person i just wish i was more desrired/loved, not like in an actual romantic or sexual sense, but just i wish people would actually like me for me. instead it feels as though everyone is just conveniently trying to pretend that they enjoy my company my garbage boring personality and just try and get along with me since im already there. but like all of this is like i could never tell anyone any of this because, well, whoever id tell would probably be under that umbrella group. i wonder if i could just go outside find a random person and just tell them everything, just tell them how hated by life i feel like, and how much i wish there was an off switch, or a reset or something, just not this. but i am afraid ofc of death, most people fear death, it takes great courage to take your own life and im a coward, ive never done anything in my life that could be seen as brave or good or anything, idk i just want to cry everything away, i just want to scream i just want to be free of all of this. why is it   so hard. when it isnt. why is it so painful when it shouldnt be, why do i want to die, when i also want nothing more thant o live more than anyone else. doesnt even make sense what im typing does it?, i feel like im going to be one of those people who develop a neurological disorder like schizo or dementia or something and itll be like these ramblings except ill actually say them out loud.

Lately i just dont feel like at all loved, by anyone or anything, i just cant seem to find the ability to like be at all optimistic. like in my life i never had many friends right, but i was fine with that but i had like closer friends who i really appreciated. but now i feel like everyones just a stranger, i feel as though nobody actually wants me there to exist in the same spaces i dont know why, theres literally nothing anyone that anybody could say to like convince me out of it as well, even if theres literally no evidence for why i feel the way i do, i dont even know, am i even being truthful, perhaps im lying to myself right now. i just sometimes look at friends hanging out and think, i cant bother these people, i cant do anything, i cant say anything, these people wouldnt want me to ruin the atmosphere with my presence, i am just so sick of myself, why am i the way i am. im not funny really, if i am its just shock edgy humor that gets old, im not particularly pleasant to look at, id even go as far as to say bordering just above ugly, like i dont think im literally the ugliest thing but i know that out of 10 im like a fuckin 4 or something, like i wear clothes to cover myself because i dont like the way i look most of the time. im not smart, be it academically or socially. i have no motivation to do anything in life, i have no reasons for people wanting to hang out with me, i dont know why someone would want to talk to me unless they dont have a better choice/they literally have nothing else.

im slightly scared im going to harm myself again, but also slightly excited? its an interesting dichotomy. i wish this feeling that im doing everything for attention would go away too, cause i think its true, on some level im lying to myself i think that oh i dont want attention, but idk if literally everyone changed and suddenly life got brighter with everyone actually wanting my presence than i. no yea its definitely attention, im attention starved or attention insecure? but i could never say anything, internalising these emotions is the only like right thing to do, externalising them onto other people and even worse projecting my worst views of people onto others is toxic and just garbage, i wNAT TOAT OASDIDE I WANT TO DIE I WNT TO DIE POEKASE LET IT END FUCJK THIS SHIT EXISTENCE I HATE I HATE I HATE I HTAE H0 ATE I HTAE I HATE H THAET I HATE HIANHTEHTHATHETHAEHHATEHAHAETHAEHTHATEHAETHTHNIGSAPINJSNPIJFSNIVF-OINFSA-OINAGSOIJ-GSAÓÍSGVBFWCGDCRGS DARCSGFDebfEQGX LKfdeq rxngr2

NOBODY LOVES YOU, NOBODY LIKES YOU NOBODY WANTS TO TOLERATE YOUR EXISTENCE WHY DO YOU EXIST, YOU EXIST LITERALLY FOR 0 YOU RETARDED FUCK KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS KYS SKYYSK YSYS KYSKYSKYSKKYKYSKYKSKYSKYSKYSKKYSKYSKSYKSYKSKYSKYSKKYKSYKSYKSYKSYKJ PNAFSDÓVKBFGSAM GR

[whisperwillowsoftly]

Is it just me,

I am really passionate about saving the world, doing 'my bit' to not ruin the environment even though I am fully aware nthe effect I have will not change the course of the current mess the biggest corporate companies have made of the environment, abolishing racism, abolishing sexism, abolishing misogyny, abolishing the outright ridiculous weight that gender holds within our society and how much those gender stereotypes harm everyone who isnt at the top of the societal stereotype food chain. Along with so many toxic issues within the queer community like predatory behaviour being normalised and conforming and so many more things on that topic, the fact the group of people you are attracted to can litterally get you killed, tortured, traumatised, suicidal. I havent met anyone who isnt cis het who hasn't been negatively affect by society because of who they are.

But I cant for the life of me remember all the statistics, all the facts, all the worst people and all the best people for and against every movement I stand for. I can barely remember any. I want to do everything I can, stand up to every discriminatory remark I hear said by someone I know. But all this information I am trying to learn, trying to remember to stand up for all my communities and all those I am fully supportive of feels so overwhelming and I get so passionate I cant pull the numbers and figures and names from my head to back up my statements.

For example I know now, right now the winston churchill is a despicable person. He may have done a few things in his life I cant remember that were debatably 'good' but he also supported the enslavement of Native Americans and holding hostage those very enslaved Native Americans along with so so many other heinous things such as working them to their malnourished and overworked deaths. But I couldnt say much more than that. I know that after trying to remember that his statue should absolutely be torn down. He shouldnt be praised in history, there should be facts. What he did. What he supported. A lot of which was not good. People do not need statues. But taking his statue wouldn't be erasing him from history. He needs to be remembered for the bad just as much as the good (I have forgotten what that was, something to do with the war) because anything else would be twisting history and idolisation of someone who did not exist. If we only remember people for purely the good they did we begin to distort who they were. And that is dangerous. The bad things can teach us. Not everything bad needs to have happened to know not to do it (youd think at least), but especially once such a mistake has been made we need to use our hindsight. It is a gift.

That stream of thought can only come from me when I am in my element, have time to think and process and make long pauses and change the wording but I can not do that in he heat of the moment, when it matters when you can see someone would be actually willing to listen. When your family makes the passing comment of "did you see those people tearing down the statues of (maybe churchill?) Whoever? It's a bit excessive" and I have all this information that I cant appropriately access to respond so all I can muster is half a sentence of what I can make my mouth say in the Hope's it makes sense. And on the off days when I actually make sense I get shut down because its "just their opinion". When their opinion is simply they wish not to dig into their thoughts. They dont wish to think deeply and have strong points and positions on things and disagreeing and talking about stuff because that means whatever you say will be heard and to have that sort of conversation means you need to know what you're talking about and that just doesnt work for someone who doesnt go further than skimming a bit deeper than the headlines and first article at best.

You know when you have so many strong points and opinions. But you're surrounded by a family that doesnt. And doesnt wish to know. They actively choose to be oblivious and it is infuriating.

[floralkittygambler]

Return of The Thing

Sort of. By thing, I mean me. But I love this movie and the meme. Ok, context for this post: - Where I’ve been - Why I left - Whats hip happening -  Where I’ve Been:

Long story short, I’ve had real life matters to deal with. Firstly, my entire household contracted COVID. Well, *almost*. We’ve been through constant testing, quarantine zones, and had the ambulance up numerous times. My parents and 2nd oldest sister were hit the hardest. My 3rd oldest sister was positive and asymptomatic. Now something none of us could predict that I would be completely COVID free despite my compromises. Despite that I was in close contact with them all, including the 2nd oldest who contracted it first and accidentally being coughed on a few times lol. I went through the exact same testing and yet nothing. No symptoms. No presence of COVID. And I took no precaution to isolate from my family as I presumed in our small house we’d all get it, so I was more preoccupied with caring for the sick. Ultimately, I’ve either gotten off scott free this time or there’s a chance I may actually either be highly resistant or even immune. Even then, I WILL be having the vaccine as and when my family are eligible. And we all still follow regulations set.  I’ve also had other real life obligations, much of it either mundane fixing up my living circumstances to more personal matters. Overall, I have been extremely preoccupied.

A mini update, the stray cat Big has been in our porch a lot more in recent times due to the snow as well as being even more affectionate. And Queefster passed away after a good life and a full tummy. Why I Left:

Aside from COVID, business, and my own health declining, I’ll be blunt. I left because of how disgustingly toxic most fandoms are nowadays, but Hazbin is one of the WORST for it. That includes harassment, death threats, mocking MI and triggering an ED. In fact, I’ve even seen others get rape and death threats. So yes, even if YOU are a decent fan, collectively most of you arent doing any favours. Even some critical blogs seem to be overtly catty in ways no one else seems to pick up on under this ‘look how blunt I am’ look and it’s just... You dont have to be a prick to have your say, to be honest and to disagree with the trending. That’s a few on and off of tumblr, and no one I follow anyways. 

In regards to my ‘sensitivities’ - two things: 1) Of course trauma is going to hurt, 2) Im fully aware of kids doing and receiving much of this, which hurts MORE. I have my own lil squids and Im worried of them eventually having to deal with this shit. And no, no one SHOULD have to put up with such rude and poor behaviour. Agree to disagree doesnt live in some people’s realities, but by God harassment and bullying seems ok if YOURE doing it or enticing it. That ISNT ok. Even if it seems like nothing to you it could kill another. I certainly will not take your shit. 

On huskerdust I STAND by my words. It’s fucking creepy and there is sexual harassment and obsession. And there are large triggers. I will not go into detail here because Ive done that dance before and I’ll be refining it again. YOU may like it, however it triggers my very real traumas as well as those in my bloodline. Be respectful and keep that shit away from me. And for goodness sake, parents PLEASE dont raise your children to behave as such online. And no, being anon isnt actually fully anonymous. Also to send hate and threats anon is not only traceable but also cowardice. Grow a pair and find a hobby. I avoid my traumas for the most part. I will not allow you to weaponise or diminish my own or others experiences for your fictional based gratification. Likewise, if it becomes canon, I’ll just make an AU where it is not. Simple. You can hate it but Im not your personal circus so go be toxic elsewhere. IF you like HD and follow me, honestly... Youre probably better to unfollow as I am deeply and passionately against it and stolitz, and valvox, and am very vocal on that. Dont mistake my traumas and discomfort as a personal attack - and dont personally attack me over it either. And before anyone claims homophobia, no. This is nothing to do with sexuality. You arent the victim. If you love these pairings with your soul to the point of a ‘stan’, then youre best off unfollowing because I really am too old for extremists and rabid fans more crazed than the infected in REC. Also I never used to hate angel but now... Fans behaviour is abhorrent and hes so over saturated that I honestly really dislike him now. Doesnt mean you have to hate him too, but just bloody respect that angel isnt loved by all, he can be triggering to some as well as toxically enabling [incl. past addicts], a vile homophobic gay stereotype and just overall a lack of knowledge and respect of sex workers as a whole. When you know a lot of the ins and outs and victims, it’s hard to overlook. I respect your triggering ships by avoiding that mess. Respect others.  The problem with Viv - and I will elaborate in the future - is that your audience is often a reflection of your work and it’s message/presentation. And most of the fandom Ive met are awful. Honestly, though lonesome I find more comfort keeping distant from fandoms because yall often extremely toxic and petty. Perhaps others have had better experiences than I however Im drawing a line in the sand. For MY sake. I’m annoyed with virtually anyone I sense great potential in that becomes wasted. Im angry at Viv because she can do so much better but is blocking HERSELF. This is from a creative and business mindset. When someone has potential that gets wasted - especially creatively - it burns me. Im just passionate on artistic fields. It doesnt mean I hate them. I hate the waste of full potential.

I’ll state things here people disagree with but encouraging harassment, hate or just being an overall cunt just aint on- It’s like people charade as being this fair being but its all bullshit. Self improve and sod off, I do NOT have time to parent you online. 

And obviously there are RL duties I must fulfil. Some in which I will need the publics assistance for if you can spare it. Overall, Im just... Fandoms behaviour generally disgusts me. Disappoints me. We SHOULD be better than this. It’s like listening to bloomin incels rant on fuckin chad or some bullshit pill theory instead of looking to improve themselves too. Honestly... I do mostly acknowledge my own flaws and faults and try to improve each day. It just feels fewer folk see that in themselves and do the same. And that’s coming from an old cunt whos far from fuckin perfect. Also, my fuckin laptop broke so I waited a week for a bloke nearby to fix it. What a fuckin lifesaver, he’s the real mvp!

Also Also, one of you did privately apologise and I appreciate that. I certainly hope we agree to disagree and continue to grow as people on our separate ways. Trust me, I dont forget small acts like this. Even the trauma that caused and the aftermath, please dont think I dont appreciate the apology. However you’re also entitled to know that the forgiveness and healing side may take longer for me due to various factors that occurred - much that few are aware of, including yourself especially. I wish you well and safety.

Hip Happenin Now:

Still busy but slowly visiting. I’ll reply and reblog soon, be patient please. Ive still many things to sort which take priority as well as other things. Im trying to get money n shit for a future and whatnot. Health issues are strong in the blood rn and Im spending extended time with both Big and the other pets to keep up harmony, especially now that Big is accepting slowly that our porch is a welcome shelter for him and he’s free to leave and stay whenever. Trust me, overloaded isnt even the word. Im prepping shit early this year and from now on. Also, my God Ive been dealing with more physical issues as well and had to play doctor. May even need medical interference but holy shit I could never see this coming. Still... It’s... An experience- If you could call it that. Staying more active and healthy. Cat’s nearly clawed my eye out in my sleep (to which I can only presume Billy got too close or hyper) but it’s fortunate placement so Im alright. Most of my body is in pain to the point of absolute normality at this rate. And I plan to make space for a better altar. Future of the Blog: 

Errr, it’s my fuckin space so it’s whatever I want really. Ill still have my Viv rants (ie, pros and cons of her work, HH/HB, other shit like that) however I just really dislike most the fandom at this point as well as the poor management and lack of professionalism and attitudes of staff. It’s just draggin me down and making me ill. I also want to showcase more of MY work (from redesigns to projects to some dumb 2am shit), cosplays, fashion, hobbies, spiritual practises - MY. SHIT. I feel like Ive strayed slightly. But I WILL be honest. And damn well will it upset people. And if it does and I’m genuinely ding something wrong/harmful - guide me patiently. Educate me. If it’s like this HD shit where Im not only allowed my opinions but justified on my traumas or mocking my disabilities or features, then just yeet yourself elsewhere. Also some of my gaming shit too. Getting to know folk who interact with my stuff and just... Create my space. For me. Something hopefully others can enjoy. Something that can function as a bit of an art portfolio as well. Critiques and whatnot.  But I will continually not stand for anyone’s shit or poor handling of serious matters. You will not cause me to doubt and invalidate my experiences like you have to others.  For now, Im tottering but slowly returning. For those who I previously and daily interacted with, I will get back to you. And Im sure you’re patient and understanding of my situation - it’s appreciated. But in terms of any fandom, more so if it’s known to be as hostile, I’d rather keep a healthy boundary between us. That’s for newer folk. Perhaps we may bond further and you’re welcome to try, however I do feel far safer not getting involved into other people’s shit any longer. I will put anon back on but any toxic shit will be reported as well as compiled so at least I have a reference on the actual toxic nature of fandoms. Likewise, Im slowly getting there but god theres a lot of fuckin work. So much that not even my closest friend has heard too much from me until recently. I’ll be returning to the grind for now as I have duties, as well as many demanding felines for my attention. Alongside some physical medical concerns which require additional care, I’ll be popping off now.  Im thankful for those who have checked in on me. I will reply shortly. Take care

[unproduciblesmackdown]

How do u feel about Eno from MonsterKind?

closes book & spins around in chair—oh! didnt see you there. well i’m glad you asked. sets down cup i was drinking from.

tldr i quietly cherish him. i figure it is not exactly his best look right now but i would be surprised if it was to turn out he is/was secretly evil & trying to work against everybody the whole time lmao…..honestly i figured that things were doomed in this way when kip said he trusts eno the most…….that can’t go unpunished. rip

but it is also an endorsement that he must’ve been top quality all this time if kip trusts him that much. i doubt its as Misguided as just being taken advantage of. no idea what the broader con here needs to further take advantage of re: kip….the fact that ppl listen to him whether he likes it or not? or that he can probably survive mad low temps? if he was assumed to die back in the day then the latter seems somewhat relevant one way or another. but i am too dumbassed to make good guesses w/little info

anyways i’m kind of assuming…that eno does sort of have suspicions or straightforward knowledge abt what happened behind the scenes, & its being confirmed just by kip saying there’s some link b/w wallace & the investigation of yore…like, i know i just said im dumb as hell & my guesses are bad, but i’d guess eno thinks that their inside info getting out elsewhere was via himself, not yumi, despite what he said. or even technically if it couldve been yumi i think he thinks it was his own fault. and its not surprising he wouldnt bring up his own suspicious abt his self involvement because like after everything went to shit & the entire project seemingly destroyed, there’s not much relevance to investigating how it happened if nobody plans to be involved. and it would be a little awkward then & now for him to tell kip he thinks he may have been involved in the downfall, even if inadvertently…hm

like……it would be nice if he had secretly developed some kind of assassin level knife throwing skills in the past years. wouldnt it always be. but honestly kip was fuckt the whole time…….nobody seems to be threatening anyone else with knives but i guess if some shadow organization that murders at whim & unhindered shows up & makes threatening demands, the implication is that anyone could be killed, even if some people get to stay alive for the moment just for the sake of pushing them to do something or other thats convenient for whatever latest death plot is underway

e.g. i’m not sure what the point is of purposefully trying to put kip on alert besides having him fall back on eno even more than he would without bringing up that specific threat

but really besides the “well i’m already resigned to someone stabbing kip in the gut while killing everyone he knows in front of him w/promises to kill everybody else too” factor of it all (im not really but—) another reason i cant be that mad is b/c i am also resigned to the fact that wallace is basically in the same kind of position eno was, of an accidental accessory to secret murder

b/c it would truly be a twist if wallace WAS actually in on it the whole time lol….but i doubt it. but the fact remains that he is definitely unwittingly a pawn of the devil!! this wouldnt be a problem if, marxism. anyways the thing is that i really, really doubt that wallace will smoothly learn of whats actually going on before anyone else knows or anyone gets fucked over and be able to gently reveal this to everyone in ways that nobody feels betrayed or breaks their trust with him. i am not even sure how that would be possible…..it is basically inevitable that wallace will have to be exposed as connected to this whole secret society of nightmares, and nobody really knows wallace well enough to be certain that he actually didnt know. and really, the fact that he Doesn’t know doesnt change the fact that he is in fact a part of it and facilitating it, even tho arguably it isnt quite his fault

tbh im assuming that the reason he’s having to do all of this is that he was willing to be transplanted from a to c, and because of that he is like totally clueless about like….everything. he presumably has no idea the kinda shit everyone around him is worrying about like all the time lol & wouldnt know not to try to push past those boundaries. but he can’t exactly be asked to do anything that much different from what he’s doing now / anything too clearly Heinous…besides maybe getting Extra Info or simply making ppl nervous, like making kip think he’s endangered.

coz t.b.h……………i’m not sure that, between kip seeing wallace as harmless and well-intended vs dangerous & ill-intended, the latter is worse? because he is a mix of the two….he doesnt mean any harm but he IS dangerous, technically. not directly thru his own actions quite as much, but still, obviously……kips first impression was basically correct lol rip. i dont think there WAS a way for kip to ever not suspect wallace as being less than purehearted, and of course i also dont think he won’t have to find out that wallace doesn’t want to hurt everybody, but at least he’s a bit on guard about all this fuckery…..even if putting him more on guard is part of some evil plot, which also means its bad…….obviously ideally everyone gets to only ever be best friends and also all be kip’s boyfriends, but i don’t think i my wishes have a tendency to come true, so maybe wait on anticipating that one. in the meantime maybe the inevitable revelation that wallace may have been a double agent will be lessened if kip was holding out for it all along lol. i guess it depends on how much more inadvertent damages wallace’s role is intended to invoke. weird sentence there but i stand by it

basically like dude!! try Knowing Shit instead of not knowing shit!! he may only be an accidental hand of the devil but that doesnt mean he’s totally not working for satan here, so hopefully when he finally realizes the extent of it, he gets to help to right the situation. presumably. idk. but how would anyone know for sure that he never knew what was going on besides trusting that he is not just an excellent actor? i suppose we are in the same situation with eno, huh. despite being given kip’s endorsement, there is only a limited picture of him & then the knowledge that he probably played a part in all the bs w/all these ppl dying. i suppose you can guess that he knew all of what was going on or he didnt or somewhere in between….

basically w/wallace and eno i am assuming that with both itmd a case of well-meaning humans being taken advantage of and accidentally infiltrating these vulnerable circles and sending back information and oh oops, atrocities, and everyone’s dead. i cant imagine that at least kip is meant to survive, and not sure why eno would feel particularly safe on that front either, and clearly any casualties that seem even vaguely necessary can just be carried out at random so you know. bless wallace’s well meaning heart that doesnt know shit but like still, if ppl get fucked over they still have the right to be mad, and if theyre dead theyre still dead, and etc, and also try to learn shit even if it was just a regular, non Agent Of Evil job.

basically what i am trying to say is that im pulling up on my motorbike and telling people that if they’re going to be mad at eno, they ought to be equally condemning of wallace, or that is just inconsistent. like, feel free to either way surely…….i can’t guess that it’d be smooth sailing for eno either if he has to awkwardly divulge that maybe he knows stuff about the whole assassination backstory.

i do wish he had those knife throwing skills for sure…..wish he wasnt being gunpointed into pressuring kip into something or other that surely will endanger him & surely others….but i get why he doesnt exactly seem to have other options at the moment lol. this guy could have assassins all over the block if whatever godforsaken conspiracy is already underway and waistdeep. smh. as i have to assume that he would only endanger kip if he was basically being given a catch 22 of Endanger Kip or Endanger Kip. i suppose he could be doing it solely so he himself won’t be assassinated, but i am personally piecing together that he and kip Are Really in fact That Close & he hasn’t like, faked caring about him this whole time or something

uhhhh tldr i think of him as basically in the same position as wallace, tho to be fair i dont think of wallace as blameless part for not knowing whats going on (like im guessing eno didnt understand until it was too late) and in part because even without the devil he IS just barging in from a in the middle of c & also pursuing audiences w extra vulnerable ppl w/o knowing fuckall (unlike eno who i am also guessing is not from a…)

and perhaps the sole answer to your question as really i was only inferring the part abt asking if eno is suspicious and dubious or not: I Am Fond Of Him Like I Said

what an essay! as all my asks turn out to be!! but i can’t help but theorize. even though i am a dumbass. this is in part because i watched mh for years, and in part because i never assume i’ll still be alive to see any particular plot point in any ongoing media i consume, so i furiously speculate and create au’s in my head and all. for example if i die before its definitely revealed kip doesnt get twenty husbands—which, good luck proving that to me anyways—can anyone tell me he doesnt? no, because i died. so he definitely does. and thats all i have to say on the matter, thank you for tuning in to Milo’s Hour Of Speculation, And Knowing Everyone Is Kip’s Boyfriend