#like. task is easy. brain however? brain did not want to make things easy. brain has made that very hard the last few……. i don’t even know

[buck-yyyy]

guess who just cleaned up a tiny portion of their room. everyone should be so fucking proud of me

[hannieehaee]

Ahhh I’m so excited that your requests are open, you’re like my fav fic author!! If it’s alright would you be able to do a fic where Wonwoo proposes to the reader please? Thank you!

content: bf!wonwoo, established relationship, fluff, proposal, etc.

wc: 1368

a/n: thank u so much u are so so sweet T-T i used a few of wonwoo's own quotes to carats in the confession hehe hope u enjoy!! <3

masterlist

for the first time in his life, wonwoo's brain had completely shut off.

he had no plan. he was completely unaware of what his next move should be. the ring had been purchased exactly two weeks ago (wonwoo knew you so well that he was extremely confident you'd absolutely fall in love with his pick), but no further steps had been taken after that.

it's not that he was an anti-romantic or anything like that. you'd always let him know how loved his words made you feel. you had singlehandedly revealed to the world a romantic side of jeon wonwoo that even he had been unaware of. it was always just so easy with you. loving you was the easiest thing he had ever done. there was never any thinking behind the loving gestures he gave you, nor behind the fondness in his eyes every time they met your own. which was why he currently stood once again with no plan in mind.

there was just no perfect way to ask you to be his forever when he already thought the two of you to be imbedded to each other in all ways possible. although a ring on your finger would make wonwoo the happiest man alive, he already knew you were his as much as he was yours. however, he wanted nothing more than to give you a grand gesture as he expressed to you how badly he wanted to spend every one if his remaining days by your side.

but being wonwoo, he knew no grand gesture would do. he was certain that he would not be able to go through with a grand gesture without throwing it all aside to pour words straight from his heart as he expressed the purest of love towards you. there was no possible way for him to hold back the moment he finally pulled that tiny squared box from the bottom of his sock drawer. the mere thought of looking into your eyes with the intention of making you his would have a plethora of love confessions flying out of his mouth without him even realizing.

despite all this, he had formulated some sort of plan to propose.

tonight was the first time his busy schedule would allow the two of you to share a bed due to the short break he had from tour. he figured that since he finally had you in his arms for the whole weekend, he would cook you a meal (courtesy of mingyu's training) and get on one knee afterwards. it was very simple, but he knew you'd appreciate an intimate setting for such a moment.

however, that had been the plan for tomorrow. today he was simply meant to finish brushing his teeth and join you in bed, finally able to hold you through the night as your breathing soothed him to sleep. yet this was, unsurprisingly, an impossible task for him to complete, as his mind became blank the moment he stepped into your shared room and saw your soft figure waiting for him in bed.

how was he supposed to hold back from begging for your hand in marriage when you were already so fully his? when he knew that a ring would bring him a promise to end his days in your arms until the end of eternity? it was as if time had slowed as he stepped into the room, his eyes full of love as they refused to look away from your form perched in bed, making just enough space for him to fit in there. and he knew that the moment he laid in that bed you would shape yourself to fit perfectly against him. he knew that you'd place yourself in his hold and play with his hair as he told you about his day (despite already having shared bits and pieces of it with you throughout the day), commenting on the things he did today and making plans with him for tomorrow. he knew you were completely unaware of his feelings in this moment as you laid there as soft and pretty as you always did.

yet knowing all these things did not prevent him from from making a quick stop at his drawer and hiding the tiny little box in his pajama pants – pants you would later insist he takes off because you love the feeling of his bare skin against yours. you still hadnt realized he'd been watching you this whole time, as your gaze was still on the tv in front of you. this gave wonwoo the perfect opportunity to nervously approach you as he called your attention away from the screen.

like always, you met his eyes with a smile full of interest for what he was about to say. if he wasnt sure before (which he completely was), then he was sure now. he needed to propose to you right in this moment. he needed to remember the mundane, the day by day that he would have with you for the rest of your lives. his heart was beating for you, and his lungs pumping out air just so he could breathe out his next words.

"marry me?", completely out of breath and with nothing but love in his eyes, he dropped to his knees next to the bed, his extended hand holding your own while the other pulled out the boxed ring from his pocket.

your eyes jumped out, but you didnt seem too exalted apart from that. you scoot over to sit at the edge of the bed, speechless as your eyes began to cloud due to the tears that would soon begin forming in them.

before you could say anything, wonwoo spoke up once more.

"im sorry. i didnt plan it like this, i just ... i couldn't help myself. i couldnt watch you be the love of my life for another moment without making you as mine as humanly possible. i know i couldve given you a dinner and fireworks, or even brought the guys out for a serenade ... but that's not us. this. this is us. this is what i want for the rest of my life. you in my bed, ready to hold me in your arms at the end of the day, letting me do the same any time you come home tired from work," he paused to hold onto both of your hands, looking up at you with adoring eyes as he inhaled, "i hope to become your daily confort in the way you have been mine. even when i'm not tired, i can lean on you. i always know happiness is just around the corner, because you are all i see ahead of me. you are my youth, my past, my future, you are everything. will you please become my forever?"

it was hard for wonwoo to put his feelings for you into words. his relationship with you had always been an enigma of emotions for him; emotions that left him feeling a level of comfort he never thought possible. he had always chased for happiness. he'd always been of the philosophy that one must build their own happiness; that one must live and experience life in order to discover the meaning of the word. except you had thrown him a curveball somewhere along the way and shown him what it truly meant to be happy pretty early in his life.

and now he felt the most happiness he had ever experienced in his many years of life. no matter how many accomplishments he achieved, nothing had thus far compared to seeing you smile with tears in your eyes, nodding crazily at him as you threw yourself into his arms, completely disregarding the ring in his hand. because you didnt care about a ring or a title. he knew you simply wanted to be his in the same way he needed to be yours. there was no better scenario in wonwoo's mind than your enthusiastic approval and the promise of a lifetime chasing happiness together. and now wonwoo would get to have you in his bed, waiting to love him every day for the rest of his life. just like today.

[zo3mess]

Laundry girl

Summary: Laundromat is usually empty so late at night except for Adrian, until it isn’t. But there is no reason for him to get nervous around his new laundry buddy, right?

Warnings: mentions of violence, mention of death, mention of period blood, foul language and that’s all? If you notice something that might be triggering, just let me know. Also female reader and no use Y/N as far as I remember.

Word count: 3.8K

Extra songs for this fic

Masterlist of my works

Note: My ongoing brain rot with Vigilante, inspiration from the song Laundry Girl from Ludo (I politely stole a lot from their lyrics) and need to practice my English before test somehow escalated into this. This is a mess, nothing makes sense idk. Honestly, I have no idea why I decided to make it public, but hey, bad content is still content right? English is not my first language, so if you see any grammar mistakes or weird words, just ignore them. However every criticism is welcomed and appreciated.

Oh, the sweet contrast of late spring. Days warm enough to let bare skin be caressed by heating sun, yet cold nights leave shivers down the spine, a fleeting reminder that the carelessness of summer is not entirely there yet. Exactly on one of those nights, Adrian found himself in a 24-hour laundromat down the street from his small apartment. Neon lights from the sign were illuminating dark streets as well as the faint lights from inside. He didn’t like that smell that lingered in the air. Fragrances from detergents that are far too strong and mix in an unpleasant whiff, plus the disinfection and the smell from forgotten socks that got stuck somewhere between a wall and washing machine. No, thanks. He could buy his own washing machine, which would be much more practical, but why make anything easy when you can make it difficult.

When Adrian entered the familiar environment, he sighed at the strong smell hitting his nose. Temperature in the laundromat was slightly warmer than the one outside, but not enough for him to take off his hoodie. Adrian settled his bag with dirty clothes on a scraped metal table in the middle of the cramped room. There was one thing he liked about this laundromat, even though it was open almost nonstop, no one was ever there late at night like he was. Usually. Sometimes few drunks were sleeping peacefully in the corner, desperately seeking just a tad bit of warmth, but as long they didn’t do anything, Adrian had no reason to pay any attention to them. Tonight was different, his regular loneliness and peace was disturbed by another person entering the room. However screeching of old doors, quick gust of cold air and heavy tired footsteps did not alert him at all.

His mind was too focused on a single task before him, getting rid of dried blood that was plastered on his black undershirt. The one he wears under his chest plate, one that was stitched up too many times from all the slashing and tearing. Will he ever buy a new one? Of course not. Not until he finds a shirt that looks and feels the same as this one. Adrian cursed the guy that got his suit in such disheveled state. That bastard deserved a bullet to his head even before he managed to get Vigilante’s suit all messy and sticky with blood.

,,Do you need help with that?” you ask with a soft voice, a smile on your face while you look at the stranger in front of you expectantly ,,I don’t want to call myself a professional, but I can pretty much clean every stain. Or at least I haven’t been defeated so far,’’

Your question caught him off guard, his hands wincing a little. Green eyes glancing up at you with startled expression. When did you get here? Were you watching him the whole time? Crouched up above his shirt, scrubbing away with bile soap, tip of his tongue stuck out in concentration. You leaned across the table, examining his work. ,,Ketchup?’’

,,Blood actually,’’ Why would it be ketchup? He doesn’t even like ketchup. It does not taste like tomatoes at all! Goddamn lying sauce. ,,I got a really bad nosebleed. I get that a lot, that’s why my clothes are always bloody.’’ No other reason of course.

,,If your clothes are always bloody you should have no problem with cleaning them right? But I gotta admit blood is a hell of an enemy when it dries and sits on the fabric for a while. Just put it in cold water to soak off, that should do it.’’

,,Why do you know so much about cleaning blood?’’ Adrian asks with suspicion in his voice. Eyebrows furrow under his glasses and his eyes stare at you intently. Paranoia creeping up on him again.

,,Well I don’t know if you noticed but I’m a woman. Periods teach you a lot. I’m not some blood-stained killer I swear.’’ You say the last sentence with a wide smile, shaking your head before returning to your own work. Throwing dirty laundry into the washing machine without even glancing back at Adrian. He was standing there with fingers tapping on the metal table, burning a hole in the back of your skull with his stare. Yeah, you better not be. He thinks to himself.

He forced a smile and went back to scrubbing, he did not have the time to soak it off, he needed it ready for tomorrow, preferably without blood. You paid him no mind and pushed the button to start the cycle. With a sigh you took out a small book from the laundry basket you brought with you and sat down on a screeching chair nestled between other washing machines. If you have to sit it out here you might as well do something productive.

,,Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” his voice made you flinch and you glanced at him absentmindedly ,,I love that movie!”

,,Book’s even better.” You acknowledged his giddiness with simple words. The truth is you enjoyed reading books after you watched movies that were based on them. Sometimes they were better, sometimes worse, but they always expanded the story and the universe.

,,Reading is for nerds plus it can’t be that much better.” Doubting Thomas, of course. Adrian quickly waved off the idea that books can be better than movies.

,,There is extremely many things that did not make it in the movie, not gonna mention directive changes. But go on, live your life without all the great details.” You returned to your reading, barely registering quiet mumbling coming from Adrian’s direction.

,,What are you doing here anyway? I come here almost every Saturday and I am alone here.” He won’t drop it, curiosity gets the better of him most of the time, why would this be any different? It is suspicious that another girl is washing her laundry in the middle of the night. The fact he is currently getting rid of blood from the undershirt he wears out to kill criminals is an entirely different story.

,,My washing machine broke and I don’t have spare money to buy a new one. I’ll be coming here until my next salary.” The other option is attempting to fix it yourself, that would be a death sentence for the washing machine and you too.

,,But why so late? It’s way past midnight.”

,,Couldn’t sleep.” You just shrugged. You did not care if he believed you or not, it was true. Your new neighbors were blasting music practically all evening, it was better to wait it out elsewhere. ,,It seems we will be meeting each other more often. I didn’t catch your name.”

,,It’s Adrian.” His voice was hesitant, suspicion rising and falling with each word you said. He’s not sure if you are a poor soul with dirty laundry or a spy hired to watch the infamous Vigilante. How would you even know his secret identity? He had no idea, but sometimes it is better to account for all possibilities. You nodded at his answer and told him your name in return. Little something he burned into the back of his mind.

The more time you spent together in the chilly room, words drowned out by buzzing washing machines, the more you got along. Starting off with awkward small talk, through petty debate whenever books are better than movies, all the way to wishing each other goodnight as well as Adrian wishing you had a monster under your bed and parting ways. Only if he knew monster wasn’t the one creeping up on you in your sleep. Thoughts of tonight busying your mind.  

------------

The second time he met you was two weeks from the last encounter, just the way he mentioned previously. This time you were there first, already occupying one machine with white clothes while the other part of your laundry sat in a basket nearby. You quickly shot him a smile and he greeted you in return.

,,You’re here early.’’ Adrian commented almost under his breath as he put full duffel bag on the table and began sorting his clothes by colors.

,,Yeah well, no reason for it really. Maybe curiosity got the best of me and I got here earlier just to see if you would came like you said you would.’’ It seems that old habits die hard. Unknown to you, Adrian was always on time in his routines. Even if he wanted to do his laundry on a different day or at a different time, his body would urge him to do things in the exact same way.

The conversation went on quite smoothly, like good old friends meeting. Usual chatter about their days, unnecessary details of “total baller” breakfast from Adrian’s side, gossip about migraine-inducing coworkers from yours. Adrian attention was glued to every word you said, piece by piece putting together a bigger picture. He can’t even remember the last time someone actually wanted to talk with him and not just wave him off with dismissive answers.

,,- And then she put a fucking poster on our shared fridge. That stupid one with cat on a tree with “Hang in there” under it. And I thought our office could not get any more stereotypical,” you were throwing your hands around, visibly stating your annoyance at your coworker Debbie. ,,I don’t want to “Hang in there” I would much rather hang myself and I swear to God I will hang her in janitor’s closet if she puts another poster on the fridge or tells me a cheesy joke about how much she hates her husband, it’s not funny.”

She’s joking, Adrian, don’t sweat it out. There is no way she could kill anyone. His inner thoughts creep up to him again. From time to time, he would appreciate if his Vigilante mind left Adrian alone. ,,So uhhh… You don’t like cheesy jokes?” Yeah, great save, do not mention hanging Debbie.

,,I like jokes, just not stupid ones. To be honest I can’t remember the last time someone told me a funny joke. I guess it is a curse of modern times, humor changed.” You shrugged your shoulders and walk around the crumpled room, looking around and taking in details you missed on your first visit.

,,I could tell you a funny joke. I know plenty of them!” Adrian’s enthusiasm made you stop in your tracks. He’s just standing there, a wide smile forming on his face, fingers fidgeting with hem of dirty shirt that laid in mountain of laundry on the table in front of him.

Even if you told him no, Adrian has decided to recite every joke he knew. Some of them were horrible, some of them were… better. Yet it did not made you laugh. It was a fun game to pass the time, he told you lousy jokes and after each one he patiently waited for your reaction with puppy eyes. You, on the other hand, had tried so hard to not even let a corner of your mouth turn upwards. The bigger satisfaction it brought the more he stammered as he tried to remember another joke. Adrian could not let himself be a loser in this situation. He will not give up.

Not laughing at his jokes should be illegal. And that would make you a criminal. In that case, he would not feel bad if he had to take you out as Vigilante. And maybe if he got rid of you, he wouldn’t feel that irritating need late at night, body itching to go to the laundromat near his apartment to see if you couldn’t sleep either. If you’re scrubbing spilled wine from your shirt with cheap detergent before throwing it in a washing machine with the rest of your clothes. If you’re waiting patiently not only for your clothes to dry but also for that funny stranger with curly hair and a dorky smile to show up. Maybe then his mind would calm down again. He doesn’t need any more distractions in his head.

,,Knock knock,’’ he starts again, determined to win this imaginary joke war.

,,Come in,’’ you retort while chuckle is threatening to slip from your lips. Adrian’s arms slouch down his body, enthusiasm transforming into… Annoyance? He so desperately wants to see you smile, why can’t you comply? People usually laugh at his jokes, or more like they laugh at him. No matter the reason, people occasionally laugh in his presence alongside constant eye rolls. You haven’t done either and it is messing with him.

,,Knock knock,’’ a firmer repetition. He’s not going to get discouraged.

Determination is admirable in certain situations, in others it just leads to doom.  Like that one time when Adrian was chasing a thief down the street, low on bullets, ringing in his ears, lungs burning, but he could not forgive himself if that rat got away. All his attention was set on the dark figure way ahead of him that he did not notice a car when he sprinted across a badly lit street, ultimately knocking him down. Heavens were on his side that night, nothing serious happened except for a few nasty bruises and unrelenting remorse that haunted him following weeks. But the good kind of determination? That’s gonna win him a smile from a pretty girl in the laundromat.

,,Who’s there?’’ this time you decided to go along with his joke. These types of jokes are… foul, but you just want to see where he will land with it.

,,Honey bee,’’

,,Honey bee who?’’

,,Honey bee a dear and get that for me please?’’ Adrian says it with a wide smile and excitement in his voice. He points at your laundry beads that boost the scent. ,,It smells so good when you open it, can I try it?’’

You laugh just a bit. Fucking finally. Now Adrian felt like at the top of the world. He made you laugh, no matter if it was just a pitying laugh to get him to shut up, he decided to believe you actually found him funny and no one could take that from him. You noticed the dreamy look that plastered his face, especially when you let him borrow scented beads. Part of you cherished the fact he liked the ones you washed your clothes with every time and part of Adrian cherished the fact that now his clothes will smell like you before it wears out. That his sleeping shirt will carry part of you on those nights that he doesn’t see you here.

Wait, when did that happen? Smell of another person on his clothes should weird him out, it should give him goosebumps all over his pale skin. Why does it sound so comforting this time? Why does he want to keep part of you close? The last time he felt something similar was when his brother Gut died. They weren’t super close, but his death hit him like a train and he quite literally became a trainwreck. Adrian sat in his brother’s childhood room for hours, taking notes of all the small details, remembering the exact position of each and every piece of furniture. And at times when he felt close to breaking into tears, he took out his brother’s shirts. The familiarity and memories brought comfort. Comfort that disappeared as fast as it came.

This time he was not mourning death of someone close to him, this time he did not miss the feeling of adrenaline that he felt with Peacemaker when they shot appliances in forest or when they killed criminals together before he got locked up. This time Adrian felt a need to be close to someone he met just a few weeks ago, someone who barely knew him and had not gotten the chance to be taken back by his weirdness.

These thoughts and confusion followed him home that night. Not even the cold air could not break him out of trance. The way you laughed, the way you softly wished him goodnight when you parted ways, skin illuminated by purple neon light hanging above laundromat, and the way his now clean laundry smells like you since he begged for your scented beads. Pull yourself together Adrian.

------------------

,,I don’t understand how you might think Fargo is better than the Office or Better Call Saul for example. Saying it is the best show ever made is crazy.” Friendly banter about TV series was accompanied by clicking of your flip-flops as you made your way towards your apartment complex just a couple blocks away from the laundromat. Adrian had insisted that he walks you home this time, apparently he was afraid you might “fall asleep on your way home” since you two spent almost the whole night in the laundromat.

Not just doing laundry, you also brought your book, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, and read out loud for him to hear the difference between book and movie. While you waited for your clothes to dry you two sat on uncomfortable chairs, you with book wide open, pages visible for Adrian to peek from behind your shoulder whenever he wanted. Though most of the time he spent with his eyes closed, face leaning on a stock of washing machines next to him, listening to your reading like a bedtime story. Even after your laundry was done you decided to stick around, competing who flicks quarters farthest, catching peanuts in your mouth and testing echo in every washing machine. Until you finally decided to head home and get at least few hours of sleep, by that time it was past 5 a.m.

Sun was lazily rising, yellow painted the sky but few dark clouds were spoiling the otherwise beautiful picture. The smell of rain was in the air, you both knew there was a storm coming on a calm Sunday morning. Few joggers passed you in a hurry. Early birds. Psychopaths. Not like Adrian wasn’t psychotic at least a bit, but he wasn’t that mad to get up so early to run in still-cold weather.

,,What do you think is the best show then?” he calmly asked and nudged your shoulder with his own, encouraging you to answer.

,,Well… I think the best show is The Kids in the Hall, undying classic.” You knew your walk slowly but surely reached its end. You could see your main entrance, the fact you were reaching your home was setting you aflame in the worst way possible. Nonetheless, your eyelids grew heavy and you could not stop yourself from yawning every few seconds, an unavoidable need to fall into your bed and surrender to sweet slumber.

,,That show is like 100 years old! Dinosaurs watched it!” Adrian shook his head with laughter. You didn’t find his jokes funny but you loved this out of all the shows. Unbelievable.

,,Hey! If you call that show old, it is like you’re calling yourself old! Should I call nursing to pick you up?” You stopped in front of your apartment complex, not entirely sure Adrian realizes this is where your hangout ends. You spin around to face him and quickly jab him in the chest with your finger.

,,Ha ha, very funny. But really? So many good shows and you pick this one? And call me out for liking Fargo? You have horrible taste.” He couldn’t let this go now he saw how adorable you looked when you were angry. What is the worst that can happen if he teases you more, right?

,,Shut it, Adrian. I’m serious.” You said that so calmly it almost took him aback, however he could see the fire burning behind your eyes. It only riled him up more.

,,You can’t make me-“ You grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him down swiftly. The best solution to shut him up was to press your lips against his. A firm, simple kiss that sent electricity through your body. You felt a muffled yelp that escaped Adrian’s mouth when you surprised him in such an affectionate manner. And at that moment, when your lips touched his, for the first time in a while his mind was quiet, yet his soul was singing. Time stopped, eyes were tightly shut, heart hammering inside, begging to jump out of his chest, one of his hands found its place on your forearm in uncertainty and took a step closer to get his body closer to you.

You, on the other hand, were fully aware of what was happening. The feeling of gratification that you “won” an argument was the last thing on your mind. The only thing you could think of was acting up on your secret wishes that swam through your head every time you went to the laundromat to see him.  Suddenly aware of everything, you felt the heat that radiated from Adrian’s body, warming you up in cold air, a few raindrops making you shiver as they fell on your skin. Or were you shivering from the closeness of this intimate act? If anyone asked you would not be able to answer. It did not matter anyway, the only thing that mattered was you kissing him.

The kiss lasted only for a few seconds, but you would both swear it was an eternity. When you pulled away, slowly and delicately, Adrian still had eyes closed, hand hanging in the air where your arm used to be. You realized his mind was completely shut off. A smile formed on your lips at the thought of shutting Adrian up this way every time he brings up some stupid nonsensical squabble. You left him standing there as rain started to fall on his hair, diamonds in those dark brown curls. And when he finally came to his senses and decided to open his eyes… You were gone. Coldness on his body where you were pressed together, sparks lingering on lips, sweet perfume filling his nose, those should be indicators that it was very much real, but his mind was not certain. How could it be, when the stupid brain ceased the second his dreams came true.

You quickly ran upstairs to your apartment, running up to the window in your kitchen and from behind a curtain you watched confused Adrian, who was walking in the opposite direction. What other choice did you leave him than to head home and wonder. Wonder about what you were doing when raindrops splattered on the sidewalk, sounding like your flip-flops. Wonder if you’re already sleeping safe and sound in your bedroom like he will when he reaches his home. Wonder if you kiss him again once you see each other next week in the laundromat. Wonder if the laundry girl was real or just a dream.

[prettynalilmagic]

ℙ𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔸 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕕: 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕜- ℝ𝕖𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟

Decks: Considerate Cat Tarot Vol 2, The Dark Mirror, Tarot of Pagan Cats, The Wild Unknown Archetypes

This reading will be shadow work based on what exactly are we repressing and not aware of. And how to work through it with advice from me and tarot. Take everything as a small guide, tarot is a tool for guidance and not to see or predict the future.

Pile one

First things first, Go get therapy.

"Its not about choosing the chains.

Its about choosing them again and again."

Pile one welcome to your little section. So, I had a theme card for your overall shadow, which was Addicted. At first, I was troubled with finding out exactly what type of addiction was causing you to repress your shadow, and I kept pulling cards and I realized that your shadow is built on way too many situations that come back to your dissatisfaction from your life. Pile One your addicted to hating yourself. You have heavy cards that show me that there’s this feeling of self-inflicted despair. Your shadow emits contempt for life, you hate yourself and honestly hate life overall. The hanged Man in reverse shows me that you grew up very much internally, most of your experiences are based inwardly as you felt left behind on life. Everyone seemed to reject you. Your loved ones, and people who are supposed to be close, turned their backs on you at some point so in turn you did the same. The world rejected you growing up. Life showed you, that you aren’t deserving of love, so you internalized that and have subconsciously clung onto that delusion.

Pile one do you feel like nothing can change you? Nothing can fix you? That things will stay the same or get worse over time? Have you even thought about how you feel about yourself truly? When was the last time you willingly reflected on your own self-image? Do you think there's any motivation for you to live your life beyond what traps you? Going back to your theme card, your repression is very much self-imprisoned. You don’t see you can work through any internal conflict and you in turn have been chaining your own self to depression. Nobody is perfect, that's true, but self-discovery is beautiful however it's also difficult. This won't be an easy task.

Mentally, you’re at rock bottom almost every day. Do you dissociate a lot? Do you even know if you do? Because I recently discovered that I dissociate a whole lot throughout my life and have never known I was doing it. Human brains are truly mind blowing, it can take and hold so much stress and pain, then hide it away from us so when we don’t keep reliving and feeling all that hurt.

Nobody wants to struggle and be depressed, and our brain very much plays a part in helping us hide it away. Chances are you downplay or don’t care to think or consider your own shadow self.

I'm not fit to diagnose, but pile one look into Complex Trauma, C-PTSD, and being Shame Bound. Learn about various types of traumas, habits, and attachment styles on YouTube it will help you get a rough idea on understanding what you need to improve on without using therapy. However, please if you can, look into seeing a psychologist and a therapist.

I know life is super tough as it is for you and you might not be able to afford it but research if there's anything you can afford and if you truly have searched, look into self-help groups online and self-help programs as well. There are free eBooks you can illegally get, pirate that shit. Get a tarot deck for yourself and do shadow work readings. Also please stop reading all the dumbass future partner and next lover readings, invest love into your own damn self before investing it onto some person you most likely haven’t even met or aren’t going to meet. Sorry it's a pet peeve of mine. Chances are you’re reading this on your phone or computer, get on the notes app and write out that little ass of yours. Please there’s still so many ways to make your own mental stability easier on yourself. There's so much stuff you can do if you truly look into it, I recommend watching Patrick Teahan, Heidi Priebe, Psych2Go, and Kati Morton, they're my personal favorite therapy youtubers, and they can help you.

Okay going back to the cards, and not my own personal input, the hanged man in reversed also shows me that it was your environment growing up that has formed you into who you are. Life for you looked like everything was so big and almost outta reach for you to grasp, but you’re still here, you have developed habits that has made growing up easier, you learn to get by.

Which leads me to the present, you got the 9 of cups, meaning that your experiences have made you who you are. It ties back to all those built of moments of isolation and lack of love for yourself that you grew up with. Obviously when we grow up knowing others are treating or making you feel some type of way, you take from that and build your mindset on all those experiences.

This hatred is what we use to get by and we build ourselves up to work with our hatred. You know you felt like you are replaceable or have a deep fear of being left behind, we go outta our way to justify being the ones to leave others and replace other people with anything else to get that same feeling, until the same trigger happens. It's a never-ending cycle and growing up it can actually be helpful. As a child we only experienced all the heavy emotions and were not shown consistent or significant amount of effort for our needs, so we learn to not expect that and run away from anything that triggers that little child in you. No one was there to show love so obviously unhealthy habits and mindsets get developed and grow up with us and only gets worse and worse as time flies by. Pile one, you are depressed and hopeless but cheer up, just because your life hasn’t been the best does not equate to that being a set-in stone reality for the rest of your life.

You can make your own life better; the daughter of cups reverse shows me that there's this desire to play around with stuff, just do it. Stop thinking about it, do it. Fuck shit up, stop being afraid of messing stuff up, you think the ones who have hurt you stopped when they were making you feel not cared for or loved? Nope, so just have fun.

Do that fun hobby idea you been thinking about. Get messy with life, even if it is creating something very sloppy. You want to express yourself some type of way but feel like you shouldn’t? Well just do it, even if you feel like a joke or an idiot just try it and see how it feels. Even if you don’t necessarily want to do something or show off a different look or skill, and your more so afraid of making mistakes and not being perfect, just push that thought to the back of your head.

If you spill your drink and make a mess, guess what you can clean it up, you don't have to get mad at yourself or at the drink. Shit happens, and why should you submerge yourself into all the small things with these big emotions like anger and sadness. Relax and rest those pretty eyes. Which goes into your last main card, Four of Swords. Again, relax for once, don’t guilt yourself. Everyone who has it easy, allows themself to relax from time. Even if they don’t doesn't mean that you should do the same thing. Have fun, learn more about who you are and why you are here. There’s so much self-sabotage that goes unnoticed by everyone.

Learn from yourself, thank who you had to become to get to here, and learn how to work past that when that shadow side doesn't help you anymore. You don’t have to 100% love yourself to overcome your shadow. Because here’s the thing, you’re not overcoming it, you’re learning to accept it and work with it to do better. Your shadow is who you are and use it to your ability to grow. Pile one get outta here and watch some therapy videos pls, you will be happier even for just a second.

Pile Two

"What I can't have forever, I will have for a minute. What I can't have for a minute, I will hold to me for one second."

Hello pile two, welcome to your pile. I assume for the most part your shadow is not something you shy away from because quite frankly there's not a significant amount of repression that is being displayed; I feel like this kind of shifted into a little bit of a motivational reading from your guides to tell you about one specific flaw in you rather to tackle down one serious hindering issue.

You guys got two theme cards for your theme of the overall shadow side that you're repressing. I pulled Masquerade and Queen of my world, for you pile two. Both cards have one thing in common. Both are attached to the word Bargain. Which tells me that you tend to do the most to procrastinate the process of bad emotions or habits. Masquerade is all about living in the moment and doing everything in your power to savor and dwell into the fleeting moments you so desperately want to hold onto and stick to. Queen of my world is all about holding onto a facade that hinders the possibility of being seen as anything other than graceful and powerful. You also pulled the daughter of wands in reversed. Which tells me that you procrastinate as well, and you can honestly be very disorderly as well.

You repress your shadow self because of how uncomfortable you are for being seen as who you wish you could be.

You know when we live our whole lives trying to maintain a certain image, it can be so hard and honestly draining. It makes sense why you want to slack off and just live in the moment because maintaining the way you think you have to come off to other people is very draining and if you think about it, your facade is stressful weather you are or aren't aware of it. Having live off of short moments and a false persona is only going to fulfill you for so long, do you think pretending to be stronger, smarter, or fiercer than you really going to stop you from embracing your true inner strength? Because aren't you tired of always having to consistently perform? I don't know if you are even doing it for yourself because doing that for so long will tire you out and make you unsure of who you are deep down.

Pile two, I did pull the son of cups. Which is a very charming and very appealing person to be around, this just reinforces that you will be this at all times for everyone and everything. Given that this is the card that's supposed to represent your present reality, I believe that you are a very much cookie cutter desired person. Someone who is always on top of how you appear as. All I see is that there's this big grand facade of being this person that is so desirable and welcoming. Everyone wants to present themselves in a good light to an extent but for you pile two it's very apparent that this isn't a want for you, it is a need and you do whatever needs to be done to be this beautiful picture-perfect version of yourself, but your human, so guess what? You are at a point where you have to chill out and learn to be yourself, not the ideal version at all times. It's okay to not be what everyone else wants you to be, or what your parents want you to be or whoever else you want to idealize you. You're a human, you're only capable of so much, you're flawed, and you can want to do or partake in things that are different from what should be expected from you. 

I pulled The High Priestess in reversed for you as clarification for Son of Cups.  Which tells me that you are a very spiritual person, which would make sense, you are reading a tarot reading. Besides that, it brings up to light that your inner self is not being done justice.

Do you even understand who you truly are? Not what you think you have to be to maintain approval.

This facade habit is not aligned with your highest potential. Because face it, do you think you will be happy for the rest of your life pretending to be something that isn't the real you? Just because others think you will be does not make that idea a reality, stop deceiving your true potential.

I don't want to assume but my guess is you may or may not have immigrant parents that have kind of forced this urgency to be a certain way to please them. At the end of the day, you know how you want to be or wish to be. If you don't relate to that portion obviously disregard it, it could be anything from grades, skills, and appearance. Maybe it's a controlling figure, which could be a lover or a person in power over you causing you to feel like you cannot be authentically yourself. 

The next card for you is Chariot, which is all about heading straight to where you want to be. Who you want to be. Nobody is going to be able to do it for you. You have built a wonderful mask for yourself for so long that it'll be hard to take it off and learn what you look like when you aren't wearing one. It will be unnatural to you at first, but you will get used to it. You got this pile two. I hope the best for you beautiful. 

Pile Three

"I cannot recognize myself. But I'm still me."

Welcome to your reading Pile three. I pulled two oracle cards; Downcast Pride and Is this Me, which the purpose is to reflect on the main themes of your reading. Is this Me is associated with the last stage the Dark Mirrors Oracle grief cycle, which the stage of acceptance, whereas Downcast Pride is associated with the depression stage.

Which brings up the primary point- your shadow self that is being repressed, is your own lack of attachment to joy or fulfillment for your life. This pile does remind me a lot about pile one, as both were attached to the stage of depression. There's been this emptiness in our lives for so long, that we become very dull in life and don't bother to work or see things in a way outside of that empty feeling. Yet, on contrast to pile one, pile three is more so at the phrase of depression morphing into the stage of acceptance. Pile three has wisdom and more insight compared to both previous piles. Pile three you have this inward recognition that everyone is within means of having the capacity to alter your method of thinking and act based on that. You're the more self-aware pile so congratulations on that. I got the High Priestess reversed, Nine of Cups reversed, and Two of Swords as the cards to represent what is being repressed from your past. Nine of Cups was the overall main card for the first question and when it's in reversed I read it as dissatisfaction despite all the opportunities that have been given to us. Perhaps, we overestimated what should be given or granted to us and are disappointed that we don't feel satisfied even if our needs have generally been met. In other words, even though you didn't have the worst hand in life, you're not content. It's possible, you have taken your status, or a piece of your own identity for granted. Given the length of time we have used certain facets of our identity for so long, or maybe even briefly; our perspective of our identity can very much be impacted with that facet we once were attached to and what we used to represent. And it also plays a significant role in preserving our happiness and contentment. Now, this "opportunity" or fragment of identify has gotten away as time gives space for it to vanish off. Life is all about change, it's difficult to accept yet we can't and shouldn't allow it to dictate our personal fulfillment. Change is devasting but so is self-pity, a little self-pity is healthy for you, too much is detrimental for us to expand ourselves onto newer and better things. This could mean anything, such as growing up thin and gorgeous. Years go by and now you've gained more weight than you like, eyes have become dull and wrinkly skin has formed in the corners of your eyes, forehead, arms and almost your entire body. Maybe you're blaming yourself for not earning as much money or for not being able to get the same level of love, appreciation or attention from other people. It could be anything—even a passion that ignited a fire in your life that has gradually faded over time. (Mind you, I am not saying that if you picked pile three you have to be old enough to be worrying about wrinkles or having to make more money from the previous year, any age group could pick this. School, family and mental/physical illnesses can be factors as well not just time itself.) Two of Swords also brings up a different point, that highlights being at a standoff with decision-making. Pile three, did you make a lot of decisions based off of what someone else told you was better or what would best suit someone else? Two of swords displays a lot of lack of self-assurance and I think that part of your fulfillment that's displayed from Downcast Pride roots from not being more assertive in your own personal decisions. The High Priestess is a very spiritual card, and as it is included in the spread's earlier sections, I interpret this to mean that either an inner wisdom has been present but has been clouded by the lack of purpose and achievement. You have potential, but with all this chaotic energy, you have suppressed a lot of this fulfillment. Even after all this time has passed and you still feel as though you are in the same place in life. How come you never knew or tried to figure out what you wanted to do? You're not content and have felt like happiness and fulfillment hasn't been present in life. Pile three, it has to feel devastating for you.

Another way that I’m reading the high priestess is that the high priestess is all about our inner calling and inner wisdom. Based on the other two cards, I would say that this is what is blocking off all this magical, inner wisdom being brought up. Meaning, we must solve our own issues to let our inner voice be shined. Seek assistance from anyone or any place that might help you becoming more aware of your inner reality.

You also got the Son of Cups and Judgement reversed. Which just reinforces what I said the previous paragraph. Son of Cups represents a charming and idealistic person that everyone loves and desires. Whilst Judgement reversed is highlighting missed opportunities and failure. Failure to be the Sun of Cups. Failure to grow past who you used to be.

Mourn your past. Accept it’s not with you anymore. Move on so you can grow. I am aware it’s easier said than done, but it still needs to be addressed.

Lamenting over who you wish you still were, or where you want to be is rather pointless. Stop wishing for something thats now unattainable for you. Look for the new you, answers and solutions for yourself. Morph into something better so that the old you would’ve been jealous of new present you. When you think about it, it’s actually good that some things cannot be changed because then there’s a plethora of options for growth and numerous outcomes for who we can be.

Now, I pulled Father of Swords, for advice for you to help you work through accepting your shadow self. This card is pretty straightforward, Father of Swords is a very authoritative and is someone who strives onward. He’s also someone who’s very logical and knows that in order for blessings we have to work and set ourselves up for blessings. He does what he has to do to get to where he wants to be. He dosn’t live in the past, he lives in the present while working for the future. Spirt wants me to tell you to do the same so you can work through your repression of your shadow.

[sergeant-angels-trashcan]

I'm literally about to sleep but Kate and the 141 being a sense8 cluster is this anything

THE WAY MY EYES WIDENED HOLY SHIT

(Gonna ignore age differences. Maybe they all technically died and "breathed their first breath together" upon resuscitation I love shit like that anyway)

They would be in a cluster for the LONGEST time and not realize it. The guys would BE in the task force together and NOT REALIZE IT. But also. I love the angst. And I kinda want Kate to visit with Simon as he's buried alive. Because how fucking horrifying????? And his fear/panic is so great that it yanks her consciousness to him. Maybe this is before they are born as a cluster? But the trauma is so great that Simon's brain is reaching and reaching and reaching for the connections that should be there!!! And Kate is the closest geographically.

nooo no this is really interesting. i think the trauma could trigger the birth of the cluster, OR, Kate and Simon are kind of like...preemies? They can sort of sense each other but their sensate biology isn't fully developed so it's a very incomplete form of visiting/sharing (it would be interesting if trauma is why their cluster is all different ages? like they were all supposed to be in DIFFERENT clusters. Simon and Kate would have had the same cluster "parent" and the rest of the 141 would have been in separate clusters but trauma+proximity made those connections form with each other? Near death experiences? I'm thinking about when Gaz falls out of the helicopter. The sensate part of his brain is like FUCK I NEED CONNECTION and Simon's sensate brain is all untethered and goes oh HELL yes, FINALLY, cluster here we come! (sensate scientists are fucking feral over this cluster and the IMPLICATIONS )

BUT ANYWAY

simon is just like "sometimes I hallucinate a woman, it's a trauma response"

Gaz: huh weird me too sometimes. First I was freaked out, you know? But then I got used to her

Soap, joking: she's not American, is she?

Gaz, Ghost, and Price turn as one to look at him.

Price: what

So THEN they all think they are having a shared hallucination. Is that something that can be spread? Ghost seems like patient zero but he never said anything about her til now???

Naturally Kate chooses this moment to bebop in. "So I'm a shared hallucination? I don't feel like a hallucination." "How would you know?" Soap points out. "You've got me there. Counterpoint: Why would you create a hallucination that is American?" The four men lean back. Which. Well. "I mean, me hallucinating four hot British guys? Believable. Four hot British guys hallucinating me? Not so much." "You think I'm hot?" Soap says. They ignore him. "You're saying we are the hallucinations," Ghost says flatly. "Or, get this," she says. "None of us are hallucinations." Gaz makes a disbelieving hum. "Okay fine. Easy test." She sticks out her hand, palm up, wiggling her fingers. "Someone give me a phone." After some hesitation, Price pulls his out and slaps it into her hand-her oddly solid hand. She taps the screen for a few seconds before handing it back. "Okay, call me." "What?" "I put my number in. Call me," she repeats then disappears. "Cap, "Gaz says when he finds his voice. "Did that hallucination just put a number in your phone?" "Oh, thank Christ," Soap interjects. "I'm not the only one who saw her." Price looks down at the phone in his hand before answering Gaz. "Appears so." "You gonna do it?" Soap bounces of the sofa. "'Spose it could be a detonator. You call it, something explodes." (Kate, appearing on the sofa next to Soap: oh, PLOT TWIST! I didn't do that, though. Don't know how to. Do you know how to do that? Soap: yes!!! Kate: omg can you teach me? Soap: YES :DDDD loml i will teach you how to make SO many things explode) Ghost kicks him. Gaz tugs the device out of Price's hand. "Video call," he says decisively. Price hits call. It rings. It rings It-- A man's face fills the screen. He's familiar. He is not, however, hallucination woman. "Clinty-boo, can you tell me what you see on my phone?" "What?" "Just tell me what you see.' "Three very confused dudes and someone in a mask, who could be confused and a dude, I just can't tell for sure." "Cool, thanks!" The familiar voice chirps before a familiar face fills the screen. "See?" she says, proud. "None of us are hallucinations. Yay!"

Ok for some reason I see Kate in Egypt doing something slightly sketchy to get info on Rama tut with Marc Spector and Layla El Faouly and she is like "can you see those creepy British guys?" (They cannot) Kate says something about how they are glaring at her and saying they're a 4 hour flight from her, she better not be doing anything illegal, yada yada, they keep following her around or vice versa??? And Marc, apropos of nothing, says, "Yeah, they're your cluster."

"Of what???"

"Fellow sensates. You're sensates."

WhAT

(idk i just liked the idea of Marc being like oh yeah nbd. and kate is like no no i think it's a VERY bd. also Marc knows Ghost.)

when kate visits them she koalas on to one of them. they're so used to it that when they meet in person Soap just carries her around because she's not supposed to walk!!!!

when they visit her Gaz is the one constantly touching her, always has an arm around her. always shows up when she starts to get irritated at her PI work

Her sleep schedule is super fucked because Ghost (NEVER asks her to) sleeps better if she is visiting him. since she has a more flexible schedule (aka is not in the military) she'll stay up late and take naps at random times during the day so Ghost can get some sleepy snuggles companionship to help him drift off

price will visit when she's strategizing to offer helpful advice. gives her scalp massages when the young avengers are on her last damn nerve.

ok i've been sitting on this for a while so i'm gonna stop here!! i love this idea

[gothhabiba]

I feel like I'm having to do the 4D-chess brain calculus of three variables that I had to do to understand what white people are ever talking about all over again, in order to understand what the fuck happens in able-bodied people's minds. so far I'm at:

they believe that no motion or force whatsoever is required to do things that require motion or force, such as using your hands, moving your face, or getting up to go to the bathroom. they think these things just sort of happen through universal permeating energy waves or something. they will probably continue to believe this the first ten times you point out their error to them even if they live with a disabled person. this is a really, really hard one for them.

they have a weird idea of what it means to do something "by yourself" or "under your own power." they seem to simultaneously belleve that doing something with the assistance of a mobility device that you can operate on your own is not doing it under your own power (?), and that needing a person to help you do something is not really a big deal & there's no importance at all in setting things up such that a disabled person can do as many things on their own as possible. they don't tend to think it important that disabled people have autonomy, or they find the consideration to be oxymoronic in the first place.

part of this last one is that they think it's trivially easy for any disabled person to get anyone to help them with something at any given time. this is possible for them because they are thinking in the abstract, without any of the messy calculus of "who do I ask for help" and "are they busy" and "when did I last ask them for help; am I using up all my grace by asking again" and "how patient were they the last time I asked them for help" and "when should I do this thing so that it's the best time for them to help" and "do I know anyone who's able to do x" and "if I make sure to stay friends with this person because they can do y for me is that the action of manipulative monster" that anyone who actually requires help with many of their daily actions knows is necessary.

and yet, at the same time, if you ask them for help with any task at any given time, half the time they will not do it (even if they're able to). they will only say that they will help, in the abstract, because maybe on some level they recognise that their assistance will be helpful or necessary, and they want to think of themselves as good people, and give on that they value you & their relationship with you, at least to your face. however they are not used to doing the kind of calculus that dealing with real-life disability involves (again, in their minds things just sort of 'happen') and will usually quickly bow out.

nevertheless they believe that the willingness of able-bodied people to provide help will make accessible design unnecessary ("no, there's no ramp, we'll just carry you up").

they believe that a mobility aid or prosthetic will magically make a person not disabled, no matter what said person's condition actually is, or whether a wheelchair is suited to help said person at all. you can plop someone into a wheelchair and all of their difficulties with anything, no matter what those things are, will disappear. simultaneously, and bizarrely, they consider mobility aids to be some sort of tragic impediment that is "other" to and not an extension of the body (see above about their interpretation of "under your own power").

as a corollary, if they think that a mobility aid would be helpful for someone (or even if it genuinely would be), they think that person should be basically forced to use it by being denied any other accommodation (e.g. "surely a motorised wheelchair will obviate the need for an on-call taxi service?"). reasons of personal preference or discomfort do not matter. they think that everyone should want to be as "normal" as possible.

[its-a-me-mango]

Hey Mango!

I have two questions

*turns into an interviewer*

Is Mango your sona and if he is, how did you choose him? Does he have lore?

-someone who really struggles with their sona

Og my god an interview, hey mum look I'm being interviewed!!!

Yes Mango is my sona! He's my SMG4 Sona, so I have other sonas that I use for non SMG4 stuff but he's the only one I use for here! My main sona is a horse demon lol.

When it comes to why I made him, I wanted someone different to use for SMG4 content because when I first got into it, I kinda didn't want anyone to know I liked SMG4 lol. Idk it felt way too cringy to me as a 25 year old being into funny online Mario show so I wanted something different that I could make a separate space with. Now I don't care lol I got over that anxiety real quick, but I still kept Mango because I like him a lot!

Designing him was easy, I just took a character that could fit in the SMG4 universe that I like and can easily project onto (Dr Mario) and I just played around with that until I got Mango! There was a lot of just picking out things I like and smashing it onto him, sonas don't have to have super deep meaning or anything, they can be as simple as making a design with things you like in it.

Designing sonas is a lot easier if you have some kind of "base" to work with, I think kinsonas and inspired designs are so cool I love seeing how people remake a character into their own, its so awesome. I know it's not for everyone but I think it's epic, there's so much to be inspired by and work from in the SMG4 universe so going wild with it is great fun!

Mango does have lore, I made it up after I made him, I designed him first as a MLP hybrid and then I had to figure out how he became one, was a lot of work lol.

His very basic lore is that he comes from a universe where MLP is brought into the real world, however people can't be normal around the ponies so doctors around the world are tasked with creating a "cure" to make people behave around them. Anyway Mangos one of them but he fucks it up and gets turned into a MLP hybrid. He gets his medical license revoked, gets expelled from society and ends up being taken by the government to keep him contained alongside the other MLP ponies. They experiment on him a lot and all that fun stuff but he's besties with all the ponies in there so who cares, then one day he suddenly gets teleported to the SMG4 universe where he gets his license back and now works as a doctor in the SMG4 universe!

See, character lore can be whatever the fuck you want it to be, I wanted Mangos to be just as dumb and over the top as him, its important.

If you're struggling to design a sona, I guess my only advice is just make something you like! There's no limit on how many sonas you can have so you can spread around your interests and likes across multiple characters. They don't have to be wild and exciting or have deep intricate lore or anything like that, they're just whatever you use to represent yourself, just start with something you like and go from there!

Enjoy my rambling, my brain is a pile of slime rn :3

[partyanimal167]

Never a Shortage PT 2- Miguel x F!Reader

Chapter Two: Too Old to Make the Same Mistakes

The voting was SUPER close with this chapter, but I'm excited to indulge into my salt-n-pepper Miguel fantasies. Low key at work, there's an older guy who looks almost how I imagine old man Miguel to look (like 60). We're shooting for like mid 40s with this one (not that that's old), but reader is def older than 21 so

Any way! Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you enjoy~

PT 1

CW: SMUT, mdni, black fem reader in mind, older!Miguel variant, mild cussing, dirty talk, jealousy trope (not crazy toxic), praise kink, age gap, almost bed breaking sex, brat taming, author knows some Spanish

Life had a funny way about making things work out even when it seems like it isn't. You had the plan , but duty still called. However, maybe by the grace of the universe and LYLA, things could work in your favor.

In the moment was the idea to prove to Miguel that you had plenty of options great? Yes! However, you were now pondering how that was going to even happen when things in the Spider Society had been so busy that you and Miguel only had time to brief missions and work.

Boo! Work! Potato!

Things had gotten like this before, but that was when canon events and universes were at stake. This just seemed like an uptick in anomalies and necessary research. Which, hey, is not as stressful, so there's that. But you had fun to plan.

Things had finally been quiet for a couple days when your gizmo (watch) went off and Lyla popped up.

"Hey girl hey~" You could never truly be mad when she sounded like that. You stayed slumped in your bed and threw up a peace sign. "Wow totally unenthusiastic."

You laughed as you sat up and gave her more of your attention. "My bad. You know I've been running around everywhere." you sighed. "Don't tell me there's an anomaly here. Please, I'll cry."

Lyla's face glitched into a laughing emoji before she waved her hand while giggling. "No, silly! Pierre on Earth-161 needs some assistance on a recon mission. It's just some fancy party, but he'll need some close support if things don't go well."

It seemed easy enough, so you nodded along. "Miguel's sending me?"

Lyla popped her gum before shaking her head. "Nuh uh, he actually went home for once, so I'm just helping with the little tasks. Hopefully, he can get some rest. He was being a bit grumpy--well more than usual." You hummed as your brain was starting to roll with ideas. "Anyway, I'll send you some information while you rest. Party's tomorrow. Bye~"

You laid back down once Lyla was gone. You hadn't gone on many missions with Pierre, but he seemed like the strong, silent type. He mainly nodded and worked without comments. It kinda reminded you of those silent films except there were no text cards to see what he says or thinks. However, you never really heard Miguel complain about him, so that was something.

Speaking of Miguel...

You were a bit stuck on how to poke back at him for his little comment. You weren't lying when you said there were definitely people willing and waiting to bed you (some even again), but for whatever reason, a piece of you wanted a bit of a chase, a thrill, something new it seemed. You briefly thought about flirting with Pierre, but while you are curious to see if it got a reaction, you didn't want to accidentally hurt the guy's feelings. Who knows how he'd react?

You groaned as you swiped through wardrobe suggestions Lyla sent over and let your mind drift off.

~~~

The night was smooth-sailing as you looked around the buzzing gala hall as people spoke amongst themselves while others danced.

The mission's setting was safe and secure. You knew that Lyla and Miguel did their best to avoid sending people to universes where they could easily run into and/or interact with that universe's variant. You knew that there were no canon events at risk on this mission, but Lyla assured you that seeing another you wouldn't occur. It did bum you out though sometimes. It was nice to see the other versions and traits of a person. How were they living elsewhere? Did they pursue a dream that another had given up for something else? It seemed that the paths of life were literally endless.

For now though, you just surveyed the area while Pierre swept the building in search for some files and data. You sat pretty in a strapless navy blue dress with white fingerless evening gloves and gold accents from your earrings and necklace and hair pinned up. You weren't really a fan of dressing up, but it was nice to play the part once in a while. You also didn't mind the fun, consequenceless flirting with people who stopped to talk to you. You easily gave a fake name and believable backstory. The night was turning out to be more fun than work, and you wouldn't complain.

You glanced at your phone and saw a message from Pierre saying that he was transferring a large amount of digital wares to his base and it would take a decent amount of time. You chuckled that he texted; even earlier, he had only quietly thanked you after you confirmed the details with Lyla.

A server walked by with a tray of champagne, so you decided to take one and head outside for some fresh air.

The moonlight was bright with clear skies above. You hummed quietly to the distant music from inside and relaxed. Your body swayed along as you listened and melted into the moment. These moments were always nice to get lost into.

Suddenly, that familiar tingly flashed too late, but you barely gasped when large hands held your hips and your back met the hard chiseled chest of the stranger behind you.

"Ah, you're usually so much easier to scare. I must have lost my touch with time." the voice rumbled through you--deep and husky, but a light playfulness that made your heart skip and brain pause for a moment.

You decided to play innocent instead of going into fight mode. After all, this was a simple mix up. You weren't from here. You didn't turn towards the man but giggled sweetly in your hand. "Uh sorry, I think you might have the wrong person sir." You turned then and were surprised by the sight seemingly as much as the man was with you.

This was definitely Miguel O'Hara, but not the stressed out, authoritative boss of Spider Society. This man was an older version--modest sections of gray hair and a charm in his eye that came with time. He was still fit and large, but there was some taut skin that highlighted full veins on his neck and hands. There was a deeper set of brown in his complexion from years in the sun, soft lines around his mouth and eyes. You blinked a couple times seeming to want to capture this appearance permanently in your mind.

The gentleman spoke first. "Mi querida, you're so young."

The softness in his eyes and tenderness in his voice caused your brain to pause. It was very...sweet. You had those moments with Miguel of course, in the after glow. But the man seemed as if he would build the world from scratch for you. Fight battles for you. Destroy and create life for you.

It was shocking.

So you quickly turned away and ran.

It wasn't your best moment, but you made it back into the crowd before the man could stop you. You were thankful that you could walk comfortably enough in these shoes to get away. This wasn't really the place to shoot off a web and fling into the air. For a moment, you thought about calling Lyla to see if you could cut your mission short, but maybe you were being dramatic. Nothing was disrupted, and you got away. If you were lucky, this Miguel was just your average citizen.

You made your way to a secluded area of the building where small groups of people chatted quietly and took a breather from the fun. You stood by a pillar that faced one of the floor-to-ceiling windows and let out a deep breath. For now, all you needed to do was keep a low profile until Pierre finished up.

That tingly feeling again appeared; your eyes flashed open when a large presence blocked out the moonlight and loomed over you. Two arms caged you in, and you squeaked in response to the seeming growl that emitted.

"Amor, you should know better than to run from a retired leader of the Spider-Force." he looked down at you amused. It was just your luck--an older, wiser Spider-Man of course. Wait! Why didn't Pierre tell you anything? You were so going to cuss that sneaky quiet man out later. You pressed a little more against the pillar and felt the stone slightly give from your unrestrained strength. The man grinned. "So what game are we playing now? Is someone trying to tempt me with delusions? A clone from the past?"

And even if those were apparently threats, you could tell that man didn't mind at all. Even from the way he eyed you in place felt full of confidence. Not quite the same as with the other "main" Miguel. This felt more like control and assurance than cockiness. If anything, you felt more captured than him.

"Uh, no, sir," your brain randomly landed on that term, "this is really all a big misunderstanding. Um, maybe Spider-Man, Pierre, can clear things up; I'm not who you think I am. I'm from-,"

"Oh jeez, please don't tell me this is related to that dimension-jumping shit. I told those young ones to focus on what's happening here." the man grunted as he leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked more annoyed than anything. You stayed pressed against the pillar unsure of how to proceed. He kissed his teeth before taking a look at you. "Excuse me," he held out his hand, "Miguel O'Hara--retired Spider-Man, decrepit geezer who now just gives back to the city and fusses at the new kids." his smile made your heart flutter.

You took his hand and shook it firmly. "I'm y/n, Spider-Woman to Earth 1019. Pleasure to meet you, sir." Miguel chuckled at you calling him that. "And well, I must say you're definitely not decrepit." Wait why did I say that?

"You're a Spider-Woman and a flirt now? And I thought I had you all figured out." he grinned. Your eyes flicked down to the canine that peeked before meeting his eyes.

Crisis averted, so you could at least relax a little. "Well I'm sure you know, but I'm not exactly the same as the...me who lives here. I'm sure there are things you don't know about me."

And for some reason, that felt like a challenge. "You sure, princessa? Maybe I know things about you that you haven't realized yet."

You huffed out a laugh. "Like what, sir?" It didn't surprise you that a Miguel seemed to think they had you figured out. It'd be fun to see even this one be shocked.

You gasped as your chin was tilted up, and that gentle calloused thumb rubbed your bottom lip fondly. Miguel rocked a little to the side as if examining you. The moonlight reflected and sparkled on some of his gray locks. You bit your cheek to stop from whimpering. "Well an easy one is that language kink of yours. Sabes que te puedo a decir las palabras todas a hacer te mojada." he leaned in closer and lowered his voice. "And you only call me sir when you're being a brat, so maybe it's been awhile since you've been fucked properly." the moan slipped past your lips before you could even process it. "Mmm, so that's it. La princessita necesita mi boca a sentir bueno. Have you been a good girl? Maybe I can show you what you get when you behave."

It felt weird to be told about yourself. As much as you wanted to argue and fight it, the things he said felt too sure and real to ignore. Plus, your body made it very clear that he was telling the truth too. You hummed as you stick your tongue out and lick his thumb before nibbling. "You can try your best."

~~~

It was crazy; everything was crazy.

Nearly everywhere that handsome man touched felt as if it was on fire. Whatever challenge you threw his way, he eagerly matched it. You thought it'd be polite to warn him about your superhuman strength, but all Miguel did was chuckle and wink.

He was gentle with easing off your dress and mindful of your hair--all an illusion. Because as soon as your hands were on him, it seemed to have awaken something feral that was hidden beneath. You devoured the sight of brown skin with its own scars and stories of the past. The moon's glow made a nearly ethereal image which threatened your bratty nature.

And Miguel noticed it all. He pushed his soft hair back before reaching down to removing your heels. He knelt down at the bed before kissing at your ankles and caressing your calves.

"You look good down there." you taunted before gasping into a moan after a sweet spot of yours was nibbled.

"Behave," was all that was said before Miguel continued to kiss and lick up for legs. He fawned over your thighs and mumbled to himself. "La reina de mi sueno, you look so delicious." And you couldn't hide the shiver that went down even if you wanted to. "Mmm, I know mami, thanks for my meal." And the man tore off your lace before beginning to devour you messily.

You immediately begun to thrash and shake a bit, but your body seemed to barely move with how easily this Miguel held you and kept you connected to his mouth and tongue despite your best attempts. You moans bounced off the walls and grew once Miguel so graciously gave you a thick finger to stretch you out. You bit your lip and threw an arm over your eyes feeling that rare shyness make an appearance.

That earned you a slap on your thigh. "Ah ah, no you don't. I get to see how you feel pretty girl. Keep those eyes on me." And you so obediently listened.

Miguel continued. His tongue traced over your clit and sucked at your lips. He built more of a rhythm and fucked his fingers deeper inside. You didn't care about being loud anymore. The room was far away from the festivities any way. You groaned and held on tight to the man's shoulder and nearly anywhere you could get your hands on.

Soon, your orgasm was approaching; you chocked on your whines and sobs not even being able to hold out longer as Miguel sped up. "Come on my face reina, give it to me." The order was simple, and your body listened. You gasped as you gushed and clenched on Miguel's fingers. You nearly whimpered as he continued through your high, but you didn't want to fight. Even as it felt nearly too much, you still wanted more.

Your chest heaved up and down trying to get air in your lungs. Your mind was fuzzy, and you could barely make out that that slick that decorated Miguel's handsome mug. There was that cocky expression. "Aww bebita, I haven't even fucked you dumb yet." And if it was even possible, you felt wetter. You made a half-assed attempt to turnover, but a lazy flick of the wrist kept you on your back and looking up at this handsome man. Miguel simply kissed his teeth at you. "No, no. You don't get to hide from me. I wanna see those pretty tears, reina." He brought one of your ankles up and rested in his shoulder. He gave it a light peck. "Been dreaming of wrecking you for years."

And even though, you knew he didn't really mean you, you couldn't help the shiver that shot through or the whimper from your throat. "Fuck me sir...please."

And Miguel's grin in response was nearly feral. "Good girl."

It seemed as though both Miguels' knew that you could handle a bit of teasing. This one rubbed his tip on your clit and only chuckled as you whined and shifted--though his tight grip on your hips let you know that he could handle all that power you kept control. Whether you were super strong or not, Miguel could keep up and more.

A complaint was just on the tip of your tongue before you gasped at the sudden full penetration that made you melt. His member was in deep and pushed against your soft soaked walls. You groaned aloud and immediately went to grip on the headboard. The needy, lustful gloss in your eyes made Miguel fill with pride. "Hehe, don't go breaking my things, reina." And with that, he started a full and steady pace that had you split between losing yourself and minding how you only aided in the bed's abuse. Then, he started speaking again. "Damn, you feel so fucking good." and if you paid more attention, you'd notice how the sweat had Miguel glowing and how his hair flowed a bit more into his face. He was groaning and panting with how delicious you smelled and the softness yet fire in your eyes. Miguel knew he was whipped from the moment he met your variant all those years ago, but seeing you like this just like when you two met had him nearly blushing and busting from fulfilling that secretive long-time fantasy.

Those deep strokes continued as Miguel leaned forward and hungrily captured your lips. You were gone at this point. It was too much; everything was burning, yet you still wanted to keep going. Your eyes glossed with tears once Miguel started hitting your g-spot over and over. There wasn't enough air in your lungs as you panted and moaned feeling something give a little under the weight of your hand. You were clueless as Miguel brought your hand into his while the other started playing with your clit. He growled in your ear.

"Naughty girl, you're starting to break the bed," but he didn't sound upset at all, "maybe next time I'll web you up." He kissed right below your ear. "Mmm, but you're a strong girl. I'll keep you nice and cozy and bound. You don't get to escape me." He took in your hazy expression and bit his lip. So beautiful. "Now, let me feel how this pussy cums on my dick," he huffed and panted "now reina."

And you barely let out the broken cries of his name as you came and felt such a stretched out orgasm. You were floating yet sinking at the same time. You hummed and moaned as you came down and barely heard the praises or felt the gentle rubs in your hair.

"Good girl. Now's time for round two."

~~~

You sat blushing as you peered over the unfamiliarity skyline and sipped your tea. The warmth of the cotton robe was enough to keep you comfortable, but your heart occasionally skipped a beat when you caught the broken bed that was favoring one side. (Definitely not your fault).

You also pondered what you were going to say to Pierre once you saw him. In the heat of your...side quest, the man had reached out letting you know he was done. However, he sent a message thanking you once he didn't get a reply after thirty minutes. You couldn't remember if your gizmos were connected, but you hadn't been woken up by an irritated call from boss-Miguel, so hopefully Pierre had your back in the end. I'll need to get him a little gift or something...I'll ask Lyla what he likes.

A large hand pressed into a sore spot in your shoulder, and you were reminded of the exact events that lead to your..side quest. You couldn't totally feel bad. You got a good look as this Miguel took a seat across from you with his own mug. The soft sunlight was warm against his skin; he certainly looked gentler than last night.

"Sorry if I kept you from your mission. That definitely wasn't...professional of me." He chuckled lightly and even seemed a bit shy from the night's events. It was cute.

You smiled and shook your head. "Ah no worries. I wasn't really needed any way." You leaned forward and placed a kiss on the man's black and gray stubble. "It was fun."

The man took your hand and pecked it. "It was."

You two sat in a comfortable silence for a while before your thoughts kept poking at you and you finally gave in. "Well I do wanna know, uh, well. I mean I'm not complaining. Last night was great. And I'm sure you're attracted to me, but why-"

Miguel's hearty chuckle cut you off, and you awaited eagerly. "Why am I not with this earth's version of you?" He smiled softly and you peered a little to see the soft blush poke from under the stubble. "I just get incredible shy when I look at you, her. She's seen me through all my mess and problems. I could never do anything to lose her. She's...precious." you blinked for a moment before giggling lightly. "Nena, behave."

You smiled and waved your hand. "No, I'm not laughing at you! It's just so sweet." You hummed and stood to stretch. "I mean, you certainly care for her, and if she's been single for awhile, then who knows? You'll be a lucky man."

There was a sparkle in Miguel's eyes as he looked at you fondly. "Maybe you're right. Do you think Miguels and yous are meant to be?"

Miguel was amused by the pout on your gave after that question. "Eh, I don't know. The Miguel I deal with on the regular is an asshole. He just doesn't realize what a catch I am." You then posed.

The older man laughed fully before winking. "Well shame on him. I'll be around if you ever need a reminder." And there was a flash of hunger in his eyes.

Your face warmed up and you turned off to the side. "I will need your dimensional number if you have one...to send you some money for the bed."

"Haha, nonsense. It'll get replaced soon and it'll be a good reminder. I've got some work to do." He paused and your gazes met again. "Besides, I hope you don't mind, but I put it in there already--under my name and everything." You were about to point out the obvious problem with that, but Miguel had it covered. "Trust me, you'll know it's me." You hummed in response.

After trying to tidying up and some light conversation, you two Spiders said goodbye, and you opened a portal to your room.

You flopped on your bed and sighed deeply. That was surely not how you expected your night to go, but damn if it wasn't amazing either. You decided to check in with HQ later since it was still a bit early in the day. You'd at least reach out to Pierre for sure though.

The morning went on with you swiping at your phone and reading random stories when a notification popped up on your screen.

Sexy Señor Papi Miguel: Stay in touch, reina 😉

You laughed loudly before humming and replying. He was definitely a sexy Miguel, but corny like an old man too.

~~~~

Whew! I'm actually proud of this chapter. Smut takes me forever to write bc I get in my head about it 😅🙃

I think I have an idea for the next chapter, but feel free to drop some ideas here or in my dms. I'm gonna try my best to get it out before my vacation ends 🙏🏾

Thanks for reading!!!

Taglist: @sukunash0e @jinnieminniemoon @turtlegreentia

[notoneopinion]

10 Ways I Soothe Anxiety

Hello. I have anxiety.

I have anxiety, but I have also managed to somehow keep a pretty good life for myself through it all. Getting out of bed when you have a paralysing fear of the world is not an easy task, but there are a few things I have found that make it that little bit easier, life that little bit smoother. And because we certainly don't gatekeep here, I thought I'd share the ten main ways I soothe anxiety. Basically, ten things I do to switch off and remove myself from my brain.

1. Turn your phone off.

An obvious one, but probably one of the most important. It's insane how clogged a person's brain will get when they spend their day glued to a phone screen. For me, it's not even just social media that sets me off, though that is a massive trigger for me and many other people; it's the phone in general. I could be playing Angry Birds for twenty-four hours and still finish the day feeling gross and anxious and guilty. The screen itself just makes me feel groggy, which in turn leaves me feeling anxious by the time I'm getting into bed that night. There are some days I will wake up, and just turn my phone off completely - usually days when I know I'm going to be at home all day, but still. That extended break from screen time is a life saver.

2. Fidget toys.

Okay, so I may also have autism.

But!!!! Fidget toys are miracle workers for all kinds of mental illnesses and uncomfortable feelings, so don't think you can't invest in some just because you're not on the spectrum. Fidget toys are literally made to soothe anxiety, so get yourself some!! I have one called a Tangle that I keep on me at all times, and I just mess with it in my pocket when I'm in a social situation and I don't know what to do with my hands, or I start feeling a little overwhelmed. It brings my fight or flight right down. I don't know the science behind it, but I honestly don't even care. Give me fidget toys, or give me death.

3. Model making, eg Legos, 3D puzzles.

Legos and 3D puzzles are another thing that has changed the game for me when it comes to anxiety. Like fidget toys, they are the perfect way to keep your hands busy, but they have the added bonus of keeping your mind busy, too. These are, of course, more of a relaxation technique, something you come home to after a stressful day rather than something to eliminate anxiety on the spot, but we'll take what we can get. These also keep you relaxed and distracted for hours, because there is hours worth of work to be put into them. Plus, they're very addictive - once you start on a Lego set, or a puzzle, you don't want to stop until it's finished. I've sat for eleven hours straight doing a Lego set just because I wanted to see the finished product as soon as possible, and during those eleven hours, my anxiety was non-existent. I was just enjoying myself the entire time.

4. Have a nap.

Very self explanatory, and yet controversial???

But genuinely, just go to sleep??? If you're having a gruesome day, and your mind is bullying you, and you're exhausted, just lay down and go to sleep. Fuck what other people say. There is nothing wrong with clocking out from the horrors of the real world for a few hours. As long as you get back up, all refreshed and ready to tackle another day, who cares??

5. Talk to a loved one.

I am very blessed that I can put this on the list. I know this can be a very difficult coping mechanism for a lot of people - trust me, I know. Growing up, my anxiety was my own, and not once did it ever occur to me to share that problem with anyone else. However, after meeting the right people, and understanding that nobody is going to be annoyed about hearing my problems, talking to people became one of the best and most useful coping mechanisms I've got. It can be as simple as sending your best friend a text telling them how you're feeling, or you can go all out and sit your Mum down with a cup of tea and bawl your eyes out. Getting those feelings out will give you a physical relief as well as a mental relief; the weight you've been carrying, a weight you probably don't even notice any more, will be gone in a matter of minutes. I promise you.

6. Exercise.

I know. I was shocked too. All those scientists that told us exercise and moving your body is good for your mental health were right. Bastards.

Just go on a walk. That's what I mean when I say 'exercise.' If you want to go to the gym and lift weights, or run a marathon, you go right ahead. More power to you. But by 'exercise' I just mean. . . move your body. Take the dog on a walk! Walk to the shop instead of driving! Get a bike! The tiniest bit of movement in a day can do wonders, whether we want to admit it or not.

7. Blast happy, sing-in-the-car music.

There's a playlist of Spotify that I highly recommend when it comes to wanting to escape reality and just have a good time. It's literally called Songs to Sing in the Car, and it's one of those playlists Spotify make themselves, just full of songs that you can sing at the top of your lungs, or blast through your headphones, and just have a real good time for a little while. I know it's easy sometimes to just go straight to that playlist full of sad songs that you can relate to in that moment, but try and go for a different approach - go find old bangers that you used to jump around to as a kid. It's a breath of fresh air.

8. Do chores.

Two in one baby!

A good chunk of the time, our anxiety is stemming from our to-do list, even if we're not thinking about it. All around us is evidence of all the unfinished tasks we've got to do, and that can really stress you out. Personally, whenever I'm anxious, I become almost camotose; I will just sit on the sofa and stare at the wall, feeling everything all at once. However, I've found that using this time to do little tasks around the house actually makes me feel better. I'm not saying I go and do a full massive clean; I might push myself just a bit to wash one or two dishes, or the whole sink if I can manage it. I'll hoover the living room floor. I'll go upstairs and put my clothes away. Just tiny jobs, only as much as I can push myself to do. A lot of the time, one job turns into two, and then two turns to three, and soon my house is spotless, and you know what they say - clean space, clear mind!

9. Take up knitting/ crocheting.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. I only discovered this as a coping mechanism when I was suffering from really bad insomnia and I couldn't sleep; I somehow found myself watching YouTube tutorials on knitting, and I was overcome with this intense urge to learn. It was literally one in the morning, and I drove to my Mum's house (dragged my fiance out of bed to come with me, too, sorry babe <3) and grabbed knitting needles and some yarn. I was up knitting for about an hour, and I felt so relaxed that I actually managed to go to sleep! For the first time in days! So not only can you make really cute clothes and nick-nacks and learn a new skill, you're also relaxing that anxious brain of yours for a little bit.

10. Have a good cry.

Yeah. Just this.

[alicefromwhichplanet]

Tfa Elita One/ Blackarachnia: the Gambler

—From SIX

Exactly where to start with? The past seems like a shattered dream frozen behind a hazy glass. Whenever she looks back at it, waves of bitterness and anger flush in, like she’s gonna drown in a fathomless sea of rage and tears.

She became a star as early as the time back in the military prep school. Bots remembered her by her shiny paint job, silvery laughter and unbending determination. What’s more importantly, they remembered her as the winner. She was the best, or at least one of the very best. She stood up first to every challenge the coach proposed. She excelled in every battle, shooting, close-up fight, long-distance fight. She made sure she left them with such an impression: she is perfect, and only perfect she will be. This way, she gathered quite a few worshippers. She enjoyed their admiration and praise, yet she didn’t get too close to any one of them. She didn’t want to break the bubble of that wonderful image of her.

Only she herself knew how that image was earned and what was underneath it. She lived in fear of being found out. She remembered clearly the first time when all teenage bots reaching exploration age were thrown into a battle field, every bot immediately displayed different abilities. But she did not. No close-fight battle skills. No long-distance aiming skills, not even supportive skills like strength, speed or defense. Nothing at all. However, when the second before last bot displayed her skill, Elita One felt a strange power as she stared in eagerness. She went up and displayed the exact same skill as that bot. From then on, she learned that her ability lies in copying other’s abilities.

It wasn’t easy for a proud bot like her to always rely on others. But it was not her say. She started paying attention to that. Every time when they were assigned to a new training group, she made sure she picked the best bot with the strongest ability, get their trust and better make them like her. This way she could borrow their ability when they go to the battle task together. It didn’t end there though, for why stick to one bot if she could learn from more? She remembered clearly the first time when she displayed an amazing performance of her borrowed ability, how bots that used to ignore her looked at her with admiration and even jealousy. She wanted that feeling time and again. And that was when her gambling all began. She made full use of this art of “manage bots”, as she always call it. That is to say, she made use of everything she had—everything, including her strengths and weaknesses. Strengths include her ability, which she secretly detested, and her excellent performance in the training sessions, which she made sure she did the best. Weaknesses are all the things she had and hated: being a minority from Caminus, which means being smaller in size and weaker in strength, talking with a high-pitched voice and so and so. But the average Cybertronian bots with big frames and small brain modules adored her. They saw her as a fragile little being that needed protection. And so be it. She wanted this as her killer weapon. She began stressing her identity whenever she faced a dilemma she could not resolve. Yes, not all bots buy her tricks. But why not use your advantage when you can? She was not afraid of taking risks. Big bulky bot from the other battle group beat her in every way, she wept and said she failed to compete him because she was a femme. The stern-looking coach decided to give her team a punishment, she put on a seductive smile and pleaded him to let them off this time on her account, she was a Caminusian, after all.

Soon enough she discovered another weapon, even more powerful than her identity: relationships. Not all Cybertronians engage in romantic relationships, but some of them have an interest in getting something deeper and more meaningful with an individual. Some also treat having affairs as a pastime. For Elita One, it was all about power dynamics. Risky, exciting, worth trying. She skillfully made use of this power she got, and at the same time protect herself from getting too involved. She flirted with several bots, of different background and personality. She wasn’t picky, just did it to get what she wanted. Soon enough she collected a group of worshippers around her. She smiled and gave them some affectionate touches from time to time, but the truth was that she never liked them. She felt they were mostly not qualified to be her friends. When the officer began naming young bots, her pride and popularity earned her a name she liked very much. “Elita”, for her aspirations to become Elites, or to say her sense of superiority that already made her different from the common, average bots. She added a “One” after it, to show that she was the number one elite in this small shabby school. And she was the only one, in case of someone wanting to follow her steps. That was how she took her prize. She was the queen of every prom, the center of attention, a perfect dream for young bots who desperately wanted to be her followers. And she successfully entered the Autobot Academy, and was shortly enlisted on the Elite Guards training team.

Elita One wasn’t interested in making friends, yet she had many bots calling themselves her friends. Deep down, she only took two bots as her friends. They were two childhood sweethearts that always accompanied her since she was a nobody. Optimus and Sentinel. Both of them had flaws. Sentinel was an overconfident bragging fool, and Optimus a pathetic booknerd obsessed with heroic stories. They followed her around like puppies. Yet they still had their usage to her. She enjoyed the envious look on other bots’ faces when they saw her turning her attention to these two bots at the end of every party. They took the blunt of those bots jealous of her too. Several Cybertronians and some femmes with Caminusian blood never went into her circles. They slanged her behind her back, saying that she was only taking advantage of her admirers before discarding them. They hated her, and they hated Sentinel and Optimus for her too. They called them her watchdogs and fools. Luckily these bots were only a small proportion of losers, who were not happy being overshadowed by her light. She was glad that Sentinel and Optimus were there to defend her whenever she was not ready to face them.

Rumors began to spread that she may pick one of them as her Prince Charming eventually. This caused quite a sensation at school. Some got jealous and started pestering the two bots. Some gossiped over this all the time, and even tried to persuade her which one was better. Elita One denied all the “groundless accusations”, displayed an innocent, righteous anger , saying that she was not ready for a long term relationship now, and that she as a Caminusian, had every right to make friends with all Cybertronians. When the news got heated, Sentienl and Optimus showed very different reactions. Sentinel began to accompany her to every place, taking her arm and proudly showing the curious bots how much honored he felt to be her friend. As for Optimus, the fool wasn't used to the spotlight, and he started hiding away in the library. He was no coward, however. Elita knew the strengths and weaknesses of these two very well. To harness Sentinel, all you need to do is satisfy his ego. For example, give him a chance to show off. It was easy for Elita One, for she surely knew how to pamper a childish soul. Optimus was a little more difficult. The bot was way too serious and boring, and he lacked confidence in himself. However, he had a deadly weakness, that is he loved to be a hero. This way, to control over him you need to ask him for help. And as long as he felt pitiful for you, he would risk all he’s got to help you.

Elita One wasn’t avoiding relationships with these two bots as she claimed to the public. Of course she was not a fool. With years of struggling in all kinds of gives and losses, she had become a professional gambler. Before making such an important decision, she knew she must count the odds. Relationships are like investments. Officially being with someone meant enjoying their company and all they would like to offer. It also meant that she had to sacrifice part of her time, efforts and in the case of these two friends, a large part of her freedom. She could not take the risk of losing them, for they were the only fixed assets she had in terms of friendship. So, despite the public denial, she was actually weighing these two all the time about who she should choose as a boyfriend. And how much should she give to each of them to keep them under her control. Sentinel was easier to keep, and he wasn’t so opposed to having competitors. She could easily lure him into a love rivalry with some other admirers, and letting him win a few times. That would boost his ego greatly and she knew Sentinel would need those challenges to stay committed. Optimus, on the other hand, was more conventional and idealistic about romantic relationships. He would demand an exclusive one-on-one relationship, and would draw back when he felt that she wasn’t serious about him. This brought more challenges. But the reward was also bigger—Optimus was the type that would definitely give his all to a lover of his life. And if possible, he would stick to one bot from start to end. Once settled, he would lay his optics on no one else. But that was not what she wanted for then. What if she wanted more freedom? What if she got bored of him but still wanted to keep him as her pet? That was also the reason why Elita One did not make the move immediately. She waited patiently, pampering both of her preys, waiting for a good chance for her to make one bet and win both.

She behaved like she knew no fears. But deep down Elita One’s spark there was this deepest fear of being discarded herself, like the admirers she left behind when they were no longer useful. This nightmare haunted her day and night, resurfacing time and again. She could only duplicate other bots’ abilities. So what if they decide to leave her one day? How could she live on if all her followers turn their backs on her? At least her two closest friends wouldn’t, for sure. She could only comfort herself this way. Should she avoid betting on high-risk stocks and keep a low profile to keep herself safe? Elita One is not a name she chose randomly. She wouldn’t bear a life without being “the One”. The one bot that catches every bot’s attention, the one bot that does the best in battle training, the one bot, of Caminusian blood, that excels in everything she does. So the bets went on. If she was unfortunate enough to fall into some traps, at least her most devoted friend and potential-suitor Optimus would surely save her, like what he always liked to do, pulling someone out of distress like a superhero.

She never would have thought of what happened that day. The worst nightmare she didn’t even dare to think of became true. She was not only discarded by her most trusted friends, she even heard the always so heroic one saying it loud and clear: it was too late to save her. Anger and hatred swallowed her up like poison in those spiders. What she used to be proud of, her looks, her voice, her group of admirers, were all stripped away from her, like a bad bet that took all her assets to pay. She went bankrupt. But no. She is still a femme. She still got the pitiful look and sad betrayal story she could make use of. She made a bet again and successfully earned herself a spot in the opposing team. She uses her old tricks of seduction again, to make sure she gets what she wanted. And she lurks behind the scene, observing her old friends in a sneer and with burning passion of revenge. She hates Optimus even more compared to Sentinel. Because he was the one she bet on most to get help from in her worst condition. Deep down, she knows he must be tortured now by his noble conscience. And so she follows up his traces, spying from the decepticon informers about his whereabouts and ranks today. She waits for a chance to meet her old friend again, and this time, she will not let him go.

[paper--moons]

Regressor!Gentle Criminal Headcanons

(with cg!La Brava)

A lot of Danjuro's motivation for his goals can be attributed to a deep-seated desire to be wanted and loved. To find a way to earn those things, because for him they never seemed to come naturally. As a child he decided he wanted to be a hero because he saw the way his parents' eyes lit up when looking at them, how they praised them (things they never did for him the older he got because he always, always managed to mess things up somehow). And when that path didn't pan out no matter how persistent he was, no matter how much he wanted to help, well...there were other ways to make his mark and fill that void inside of him. Heroes need villains, right? He would be filling an important role and bringing attention to a lot of issues in society! People would surely come around. So it isn't really much of a surprise that his regression presents itself due to the same underlying issues and insecurities. Right when he's trying his hardest to get his life turned around to where he wants to be, a tiny mistake sends him over the edge. It should be nothing—by all accounts is nothing—but making tea is a simple task that he's supposed to be good at and now he's gone and burned his fingers and, and... And he's sticking his fingers in his mouth to soothe the owwie away like he's done a million times before for things like burns or cuts, but this time is different because something just...clicks. The childish habit feels like it's leaking into the rest of his brain, enveloping his entire body in a comforting warmth as he realizes that if he was younger, then it would be okay, wouldn't it? To make mistakes? Back then his mistakes could be overlooked because he was small and still learning. Maybe...maybe he can pretend for a little while. Even if it feels less like pretending than he thinks it should. What Danjuro does know is that it feels good. It feels easy.

After his first slip, Danjuro tries to recapture that feeling any way he can think of, all while trying to put together his Gentle Criminal persona. Even after he came back to himself that first time, things had continued to feel lighter for a little while. Though he finds that he's experiencing everything from involuntary regression to voluntary regression the more effort he puts in to triggering it. Moreover, it isn't as consistent or predictable as he would like for it to be. He thinks surely another injury or another mistake would make him slip since that was what caused it the first time, but that turns out to be a toss up. Even purposefully doing activities geared more towards children—a stroke of genius that he is certain will lure out the little boy in his psyche—is another hit and miss. Trying to sort out what works best for him (and what to avoid) inevitably leads to him both age dreaming and age regressing—there's a few subtle differences as far as he can tell, at least in his particular case. It's a wishy-washy line for him, but he figures out that the main difference between the two is his age. Or at least that's what conclusion he comes to, based on the fact that if he's age dreaming he can still do plenty of big kid things for himself (even if he does them poorly). So he estimates his dreaming age to be somewhere around six or seven, while his regressing age is closer to three or four. Once he eventually manages to sort out more reliable ways to age regress however, he still can't help but age dream from time to time as well. Because if doing both helps him, then why not do both?

He has regressed in public before and will do it again, whether he wants to or not. Specifically, he is highly prone to regressing in the second-hand store he frequents. There's nothing new about going to these sorts of shops, as his funds have never been exactly stable after being kicked out striking out on his own, but rather there's something new about him. It doesn't matter how big he is feeling that day either, or when he last regressed. Because without fail, by the time he goes to pass the children's section his chest starts feeling tight and his head starts feeling like it's full of stuffing. It's impossible to stop himself from making a detour and browsing the toys. Danjuro is practically running on some sort of wobbly autopilot as he reaches out for one of the teddy bears staring up at him from the shelves, all plush fur and button eyes and practically begging for a hug. A voice in the back of his mind telling him that this poor little fellow has been tossed out and abandoned, forgotten. He can't just leave them here! And so Danjuro finds himself scraping together what change he has left (maybe even putting something back he needs more) to try and bring home as many teddies as he possibly can at the end of each week. It's his personal teddy rescue mission, and the beginning of his teddy bear collection; other stuffies are of course more than welcome to come home with him, but the classic teddy is his favorite. The fact that his shopping cart is comprised of mostly his newfound friends shouldn't tip anyone off, he thinks—although the way he takes longer to count out his yen might, counting out on his fingers yet still needing the help of the elderly woman that runs the place to help him reach the correct amount with a knowing twinkle in her eye.

Now, it may come to absolutely no one's surprise but this thing is a tea party fiend. If he's having a small day, there's about a ninety percent chance that there will be a tea party at some point amongst his many make-em-ups. Danjuro gets very into his pretend play and treats it quite seriously, with tea parties being no exception to this rule. All of his teddies have a specific seating arrangement that is liable to change depending on the current teddy bear drama (Snuggles is still not speaking to Daisy at the moment and they have to sit with several bears between them, a bearrier if you will, or there will be problems by the time Danjuro is offering all the bears another cup). There is also a set menu for these little parties too, which is subject to change depending on whether or not he's dreaming or regressing. If he's age dreaming, then he's making little sandwiches cut into triangles accompanied by a floral green tea blend. However if he's age regressing, then he has to go a little simpler. Simpler of course referring to opening a box of lemon cookies that he carefully sets onto the little saucers served with whichever bottle of juice is easiest for him to get open. Both menus are equally good and tasty if you ask him, and he's certainly had no complaints from the bears...but sometimes Danjuro wishes he had someone else to help with all the grown-up parts about setting up and to share his snacks with. Tea parties are all about "the more the merrier" after all, and it would be nice to have someone besides his bears to talk to (as they most often derail the childish worries he is trying to express with their teddy bear drama that is honestly getting a little too complicated for him to keep up with).

Eventually he is no longer alone, of course! But that doesn't mean he immediately tells his new house guest about the smaller parts of himself. Manami is absolutely wonderful and already helping him out more than he could even begin to describe; Danjuro doesn't want to scare her away by being too much, not when she's the first person that seems to understand him. They click surprisingly well, almost as if they've always known each other. So it really should come as no surprise that when she does inevitably catch him on one of his small days that she isn't bothered by it. Danjuro thought it would be best to just ignore all of that once Manami quite literally showed up on his doorstep, and instead focus on further developing his life as Gentle Criminal. But repressing that healthy coping mechanism that he's come to rely on so much is far from a long term solution. Especially when he keeps slipping in little ways. Little ways that Manami, ever observant, picks up on. And not only does she pick up on these small slip-ups, but she always seems to respond in a way that makes it so incredibly hard for him not to slip further. Forever acting as compliments to one another, it's only natural that his regression would be matched by her caregiving. Her heart is so big and she only wants to help! So what if he needs more help than other people? It isn't a big deal. The small gestures that she doesn't even think about—like reaching out to dab his face with a napkin after lunch when he's gotten a little messy, or covering him up when he falls asleep at his desk—leave him in a tizzy. So when he finally can't keep it bottled up any longer, it isn't hard to just...let her find out. They're comfortable enough with one another by that point that Manami doesn't even give a second thought to him shyly asking if she could help him with the tea, only asking him about the fuzzy friend he's got hugged to his chest.

Over time, he starts feeling a bit more bold about things with the bravado from his Gentle persona bleeding into his little mindset. This bravado primarily manifesting as energy and curiosity. Much like an overgrown puppy that's gotten off of its leash, a high energy baby spells trouble. Danjuro simply must do something or he'll die of boredom, and what he decides he must do is bounce. If he cannot find a bouncy castle then by God will he create one—while technically he could use Elasticity on the walls and floors of his entire room, he might get in trouble with his landlord (which a voice in the back of his head that sounds an awful lot like Manami tells him is a no-no). Although it turns out he can make his bed extra bouncy if he uses his quirk on it, and then really all he has to do is make a few other little jumping pads for himself out of some (again, quirk-altered) sofa cushions that he has carefully dragged from the living room and repositioned in his bedroom. It works out pretty well too, allowing him to bounce around his room to his heart's delight. Until he falls off and bumps his head, that is. Really, it was to be expected given that his coordination while he is feeling so small is lacking to put it nicely. Luckily the bump isn't too serious, but it does bring tears to his eyes as he hiccups because it's quite scary to fall! Just as Danjuro is starting to feel like the world truly hates him he hears the lock on his front door open with a click, which lets him know Manami is home and he suddenly remembers that he isn't supposed to use his quirk if he's little. Which in turn leads him to scrambling to hide the sofa cushions that won't go back to normal for a few hours yet, which results in him slipping and falling again only this time falling flat on his face. Manami is less worried about him breaking a rule and instead focuses her energy on fussing over him and making sure he didn't break his nose.

Danjuro is very sensitive to making any sort of mistake or having any sort of accident. This anxiety and panic that accompanies making a mistake only increases once Manami becomes his caregiver. Not because she is mean about it, because she's always so so patient with him (showing him more patience than he thinks he deserves). No, he worries because what if she decides he's so bad that she throws him away just like mommy did? Manami does her best to reassure him that nothing like that would ever happen no matter how badly he messed up, explaining that they can always make things better again together. Still, while her words are appreciated it's very different when he's all of three and he accidentally drops one of his nice teacups as she's handing it off to him. The sight of the shattered glass gives his complex about always screwing everything up all the permission it needs to sink its claws into his chest and make it hard to breathe. There's a long moment where it's hard to hear, hard to move, but he finds he's ushered to the couch and wrapped in a hug. It takes a few minutes of quietly soothing him and reminding him to take slow, deep breaths, but eventually he calms enough for her to get up to clean up the broken porcelain. Though first she makes sure to wind up the carousel music box for him and place it on the coffee table. The gentle, tinkling of the music box as it spins is enough to disguise the clinking of the porcelain being swept up, the moving pieces being followed by his gaze as he nurses a few digits. He wishes he could believe Manami when she says he doesn't make as many mistakes as he thinks. All Danjuro can really think about is how he will prove himself through the flawless actions of Gentle Criminal.

[sapphirerogers]

McFlurry

[Modern!Steve x reader

Warning: fluff, awkward dorks, Bucky being a piece of shit, shitty Uber service, maybe some swearing]

The bell chimed, soft but sharp. Steve looked up, furrowed eyebrows being forced straight and lips being torn apart in way of a smile.

"Hi, welcome to McDonald's." His voice was quieter than it had been in the morning, back no longer ramrod straight after sixteen hours of asking every customer the same question, "What can we get you?"

The soft tone of the cashier caught you by surprise. You weren't accustomed to politeness so late at night. This guy however, had a smile on his face and a pleasant demeanor, even though his eyes were dull and he appeared too tired to push a few drooping golden strands out of his face.

It was freaking eleven pm, and everyone wanted to get home, but neither had you managed to get yourself an Uber yet nor had he had the chance to call it a night.

"Um, hi, I'll have a..." You fought with your brain for a few seconds. Juggling between ordering something you could eat fast and booking a cab at the same time was not an easy task. Especially not with the migraine attack you could feel approaching.

"I'll have a Big Mac please, thanks." You pushed the corners of your lips upwards until you felt a smile form on your features. The last thing you wanted to do was put another person through misery by accidentally coming off as a prick.

Steve nodded, beginning to process your order. He took a quick glance at you, deducing the kind of predicament you were stuck in. He mentally sent out a small prayer for you to whatever god was listening, hoping you wouldn't face more hassle trying to get home this late.

Your phone pinged, and you groaned. You had meant to sit and eat in peace because your app was still looking for a cab, but the moment you voiced your request, an Uber popped up two minutes away.

"Cancel everything," you sighed.

Steve looked up. Oh, come on.

Your phone caught your attention again. 18 minutes away.

"I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, a blueberry muffin and a Coke instead." You grimaced inside of yourself. Steve took the new request, not a hint of annoyance on his features. God bless his soul, you thought.

Your driver's number glowed on your screen, making you and Steve curse the universe silently (since at this point, this app was causing both of you extreme agony).

"Uh, so...I'm runnin' low on petrol, so I'll need a few more minutes to fill her up and get to you." The driver cheerfully hung up, oblivious to your dismay and disbelief.

Steve looked at the menu above him, "would you like a McFlurry to go with it, maybe?" He asked, hoping it would lift your spirits.

It did. Your face glowed like that of a child on Christmas morning. "Yes that would be perfect, thank you so much."

You both shared a smile, finding comfort in the mutual understanding you both had.

When your order arrived, you gave him the biggest smile you had and a heartfelt thank you before finding a table to eat at. And it made Steve's night as much as it made yours, propelling him to deal with the remaining few customers with utmost grace.

***

You kept coming back to see him after that, always ordering a McFlurry along with whatever you were having. You had exchanged names on the second day itself, and even though your interactions lasted only a few minutes at a time, they always gave both of you more energy to carry on with a rough day.

Until one day, you came in to find his dark-haired friend in his place, a man you knew to be Bucky.

"Hey there," Bucky cocked an eyebrow as soon as you appeared in front of him, "what can I get ya?"

"Uh...Maybe a crispy chicken sandwich? And leave out the McFlurry please, thanks." You couldn't help feeling a little dejected. You had to admit, you came in here mostly because Steve's bright smile sparkling blue eyes and comforting attitude gave you something peaceful to hold on to for the rest of your day. And though Bucky was a nice guy himself, he wasn't your blonde angel of a cashier ready with a McFlurry to make you grin.

Bucky sensed the downfall in your mood pretty easily. "I'm sorry, Steve isn't here. He's on a date right now."

A date? Steve had a date? Of course he does, idiot, have you seen him?

"Oh...that's- That's great!" You nodded, taking deep breaths to hide your...jealousy? Sadness? What would you call it?

"Have a nice day, Y/N," Bucky offered you a sympathetic smile as he handed you your meal. You nodded wordlessly and walked out, heart way too heavy for your liking.

***

10 days. Steve was going crazy.

This wonderful person who used to turn up and brighten his day at least three times a week hadn't set foot in this McDonald's outlet in 10 days. Bucky had told him of the last time you had come here, and he wasn't sure why he was so heartbroken over the fact that you didn't take your usual McFlurry with it.

What did I do wrong?

Should he not have gone to that art convention? If he had seen you in person that day, would he have known you were leaving for good?

Had he been in for work that day, was there a chance you would have come back?

When not even the one hundred and twenty-sixth bell chime of the day turned out to signal your arrival (don't ask why he was counting), Steve looked at the door sadly, telling himself some things just aren't meant to be.

***

You took a deep breath as you looked up at the signboard.

You wouldn't be able to handle it, knowing he belonged to someone else. You liked him more than you had planned to; his easygoing attitude, his sharp wit and cheerfulness (even when it was clear he just wanted to curl up on his couch at home and sleep) had won your heart unexpectedly.

You had promised yourself never to come back here again. To let go and move on.

But right now you were dying of hunger and Steve's McDonald's (as you referred you it) was the only place in the vicinity. And hunger almost always won all your internal arguments.

Maybe you should go in anyway. Steve was a friend, if nothing more, and he had done nothing to be deprived of an explanation. Or a last goodbye.

***

"Hi, welcome to-" Steve choked on air as he looked up to see you. "Um hi." He greeted you quietly, eyes already on the screen before him. Why did it hurt so much to look at you?

His heart skipped a beat as you did order your regular McFlurry. Maybe you weren't mad at him after all?

"Bucky said you didn't want that the other day." He wasn't sure why he said that. Maybe he wasn't brave enough to ask what had put you off.

"Uh yeah I just...wasn't in the mood...anyways, how was your date?" You forced yourself to meet his gaze, bright blue as a clear summer's day.

The blond did a double take. "My date?" He asked, arching a brow in an 'oh really?' expression.

"Yeah Bucky said you were on a date, the last time I came here."

He was gonna kill that cocky bastard.

He looked over the counter to where the man in question was cleaning tables with absolute concentration. Refusing to meet Steve's eyes.

Steve thought he something on his friend's face that looked like a smirk.

Fuck you, James.

"Look I'm not sure why he said that, because I wasn't on a date. I was at an art convention. Alone." He stated firmly.

"Oh thank God," you blurted out, earning a questioning look from him and half-hidden smiles from everyone behind you.

He took a moment to process what had just come out of your mouth.

Oh.

Oh.

"I'll have a..." You stared at the board, trying to appear cool.

"Double cheeseburger, Dr. Pepper and a McFlurry. You already ordered, love." A woman behind you offered, thoroughly amused and doing little to hide it.

"Right. That. Thanks." You stumbled awkwardly over your speech, wishing the ground would eat you now.

Boy, you've sure as hell charmed the pants off him, Y/N. Bet he's gushing all over you, you thought bitterly.

Finally daring to peek at Steve, you were surprised to see a hint of a shy grin on his lips.

Maybe you really did charm him?

"Um would you like to..."

"I'd love that, I would- I would love to go out with you sometime, Y/N." He responded a little too quickly.

Both of you were beaming like idiots at this point. So was everyone else.

"Um okay, then...when does your shift end today?" You asked, still a bit embarrassed but feeling happy nonetheless.

Steve felt his heart soar as he looked at you, choosing to ignore Bucky silently pumping the air in his peripheral vision. He could deal with that later.

Or maybe some things are meant to be...

@slut-for-chrisevans

@criticaltrinket @royalwriteroftheuniverse @nana1000night @sarahrogersevans @jamneuromain @imyourbratzdoll @the-iceni-bitch @nekoannie-chan

I've forgotten who else I used to tag but I'll update the taglist soon!

[HELLO AND HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Look who's finally writing again! I have no idea what happened but over the last few months I absolutely lost all motivation to write. I had ideas for one shots and I lost the inspiration I had just because I couldn't find the time to flesh them out and make something. But hey, I'm back now, so hopefully I'll regain the momentum I had. I hope you enjoyed this cute little oneshot, which was inspired by an advertisement. Please do take the time to leave some feedback and reblog if you appreciate my work!]

[fyonahmacnally]

Supercorptober2023

Day 2 & 3: Romance/Kara

The following two weeks pass by in a blur. Letting the team know about their trip went more smoothly than they anticipated. Once contingency plans are put into place and emergency protocols created, the two of them relax into the planning. Knowing Supergirl can still get back in true emergencies made things easier, but they certainly don’t want it to be the go-to. Both of them make sure their obligations are covered during their absence, Kara’s superhero and editor-in-chief duties are the easy part. Lena has to make sure her business interests are placed in reliable and trustworthy hands, a much harder task. 

With Lex’s presumed death and Lillain’s passing, all of the Luthor holdings fall back into Lena’s hands. She immediately makes some of the moves her previous self did back before the multiverse collapse. She renames the company to L-Corp, again, and fires all of Lex’s lackeys company-wide. After that, she brings Samantha Arias back on board as CFO. Then, she finds her old assistant, Jessica Huang. However, instead of making her executive assistant, she hires the feisty woman as L-Corp’s new COO. With the two of them in the C-suite, she is confident L-Corp and all its subsidiaries will be in good hands. 

With all the crucial things squared away, the two of them work on final checklists for what they need for a month in Ireland. Lena knows most of the everyday things are already stocked at the cottage and has spoken to the groundskeeper to make sure fresh groceries are waiting on them as well. They only need to focus on personal items, clothing, and toiletries. Given the remote location of the place, they likely won’t be needing anything fancy, but toss a few things in just in case.

As the days pass and their departure gets closer, they spend more and more time together. Things seem to be gradually morphing into what they used to be. Before the betrayal. Before the Phantom Zone. Before it all fell apart. The night before their departure, they’re laying on Lena’s bed joking and laughing like nothing has changed, like they’d always done this. It causes Lena to pause and her heart to race. 

Kara notices.

“Hey, are you okay?” Blue eyes scan across Lena’s face as she reaches out to place a hand on the long, slender pale fingers lying on the bed between them. “Your um, your heart is beating really fast.”

Lena cocks her head to the side and raises a perfectly sculpted brow in confusion, unintentionally changing the subject. “You can hear my heartbeat. Of course.” She chuckles, only just now realizing that her best friend has always been able to hear her traitorous heart. That she has likely known all along that her heart beats faster when Kara is near. “I guess I should get used to that since you’ve likely been doing it for years, huh?”

Kara ducks her head sheepishly, a rosy blush adorning her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Lena. I, um, I can try to stop? I don’t mean to. At least most of the time, but I…it just…” She sighs, running her hand down her face in frustration at her lack of coherence. “My brain does it automatically a lot of the time. It’s how I know you’re safe. Also, it’s, uh, one of the only things that helps me sleep. Especially now. It, um, it helps keep me calm. I’m really sorry. It’s kind of an invasion of your privacy now that I think about it.”

The blonde looks away, not sure what else she can say to make this any less awkward or creepy. She’s listened to that strong heartbeat for so long now, she’s not even sure she can stop. Not being able to hear it in the Phantom Zone was torture on top of the phantom visions and nightmares. 

A cold hand gently rests on her chin, pulling her gaze back to the conversation. 

“Well, I suppose technically, it is and I’m not sure how I feel about it. But…there’s a part of me that likes the idea that you find comfort in my heart beat.” She smiles and dips her head into her pillow, hoping it prevents Kara from seeing the blush creeping from her neck onto her cheeks. “Um, I guess I can relate? In a way, maybe? Your scent is kind of like that for me. While you were…gone, I slept on your couch and in your bed a few times. I just…I missed you so much. Your apartment was the only place that I could still smell you. The only place I could still feel you all around me. It was the only place I felt safe…because I felt close to you.”

Neither of them say a word, they both remain completely still and quiet for a long time after those words are spoken. An unwitting confession made. Blue and green eyes quietly watching the other until they fall asleep with their hands gently resting together between them. 

The morning sun rouses them from their slumber the following day. They both seem to open their eyes at the same time, smiling sleepily just as Lena’s alarm sounds into the room breaking the serenity. Kara groans and pulls the duvet over her head as Lena giggles at the Kryptonian’s antics. 

“Come on, Kara. You know we have to leave for the airport in an hour and if you want to stop and get breakfast on the way, we need to get up.” Lena pokes the woman in the side and pulls the covers away from her face. They both laugh as Kara lets out a whining groan. “I’ll buy you your favorite from Noonan’s.” She sing-songs the words and grins as she watches the blonde’s eyes light up.

Hopping out of bed, they get through their morning routines pretty quickly. It takes them about 45 minutes before they’re out the door and down to the waiting car, luggage in tow. Food secured and luggage loaded, they head to the private airstrip where Lena's personal jet is waiting for them. It’s been a while since she’s used this particular plane and she’s a little excited to show Kara. 

Lena exits the car and makes her way over to her pilot while Kara loads their bags. Once they’re buckled into their seats ready for take off, she reaches out for Kara’s hand. As much time as she spends on planes, takeoff never gets easier. When the plane is in the air and levels off, Lena squeezes Kara’s hand and unbuckles, gesturing for her to stand. She shows the blonde to the sleeping quarters and restrooms as well as where the snacks are. She smiles at the wonder on her best friend’s face and is briefly reminded of their trip to Kaznia before shaking the memory away.

The two of them fall into a comfortable silence for the next few hours, Lena reading through some new scientific research and Kara sifting through the contract Cat has been after her to look over. The two women are lost in their thoughts and prospective distractions until Kara’s stomach lets out a monstrous rumble. They both chuckle before Lena sits her reading aside and heads to the galley to heat the food she had placed on the plane earlier. Having only been in the air for five hours, she knows they still have eight more to go. She just hopes there are enough snacks on board to keep a Kryptonian stomach at bay. Loading the plates and drinks onto a rolling cart, she heads back to their seats to a grinning blonde.

She smiles as she watches Kara’s eyes sparkle and face brighten at the first bite of their late lunch. “This is actually really good, Lena. Lasagna?” She says, mouth still half full of food before she swallows and grins. “Where’d you get it? This is better than Eliza’s!”

“Well, that’s good to know.” She blushes and reaches out to take a drink of her wine. “I made it earlier this week and had it brought over so we could have something decent to eat on our flight. There’s a few other things in the fridge if you get hungry again later.” She gestures back toward the galley before focusing back on her plate. 

Kara’s eyes widen and she looks at Lena with such fondness and affection that the raven haired genius has to look away. “Y-you made this?!” She gaped at the woman sitting next to her. “Lena! I didn’t know you could cook. Why didn’t you tell me? You mean I could have been enjoying this for all these years! You’ve been holding out on me!” 

Lena can’t help but laugh and roll her eyes at the blonde. “If you think about it, Kara. There are a lot of things we never really talked about during our friendship. Maybe we can remedy that on this trip?” She swallows another drink of her wine and raises a brow at the now blushing blonde. 

“But yes, we’ve never really talked about my love of cooking, I guess. I don’t have a lot of time for it anymore. Or at least I didn’t. It’s something I taught myself when I finally had my own place in Metropolis. It was a way to be different from the Luthors.” Her eyes drift off as her mind thinks fondly of the days at her start-up, a bearded smile, and the man she once loved. She clears her throat and forces her mind back to the moment with a shrug. “I’ve always considered cooking as a kind of experiment, just with ingredients and not chemicals or prototypes. It seems to work in my favor.”

They finish up their meals and Lena takes the plates and glasses back to the galley. She takes a moment to clean and stow everything, giving herself a little break from being in such close proximity to Kara. Now that she is painfully aware of the fact that Kara can hear her heartbeat, she has to pay more attention to the way her body reacts to her best friend. 

Eventually, they both start to drift off to sleep. By the third time Kara’s head bounces off Lena’s shoulder, she decides they need to retire to the bedroom for the evening. It’s a good decision. Sleeping through the remainder of the flight makes the trip seem much faster. By the time they both wake from their nap, the pilot has come over the speaker and asked them to take their seats for landing. 

The rest of the trek to the cottage goes by in a blur. They arrive at the airport to an awaiting SUV and the cottage groundskeeper, a nice older gentleman named Liam Walsh. Liam helps pack them into the SUV and takes the wheel for the one hour drive to Islandmagee. He shows them some of the landmarks and recommends a few places they should visit during their stay. He also reminds Lena that he lives close-by and has the keys if she needs him to take care of anything during their stay.

As he pulls the SUV into the gravel drive in front of the cottage, he turns to Lena and smiles. “Here’s the keys to the vehicle, love.” He drops the keys into her palm and squeezes her wrist. “You look so much like her, ya know. Your mam.”

Lena’s mouth drops open. She wanted to ask Liam if he was related to her mother given his last name and the area he lives. “Y-you knew my mother?” She stutters almost too quiet to be heard. “A-are you kin to us?” She latches onto his large hand, desperate for any information she could get.

“Aye. Lizzie was my cousin. We grew up on this land. It’s been in our family for hundreds of years. You’ve got lots of kin ‘round here, love.” Liam smiled, patting Lena on the shoulder before opening the door to get their luggage out. “Why dontcha get settled in and rest. I’ll come by again in a few days and we can talk. No doubt you’ve got some questions.”

Kara reaches out for Lena’s arm, gently squeezing before whispering, “You okay?” She watches as a few tears roll down pale cheeks. The blonde bolts out of the backseat and pulls her best friend into a warm hug. “Come on, let’s get inside.”

Liam watches the two of them and smiles. He drops their bags on the small patio at the front door and steps aside. “Alright, love. My number’s on the notepad next to the phone in the den. Give me a ring in a couple days. I’ll come by and we can chat. Maybe have ya over for dinner to meet your cousins.” He winks at her and pats her shoulder again as he walks by, heading to his own car parked in the drive. “Glad to have ya here, Lena. I look forward to getting to know you.”

She is left speechless. When she spoke with Liam before their arrival, she was curious if he was related to her mother and by extension her, but she didn’t want to assume. Walsh is a common name. To know that she has blood relatives so close, people that actually knew her mother, it’s overwhelming in the best way possible. She’s looking forward to finding out more about this side of her family. However, right now, she wants to get inside the cottage and process the chaos of her emotions. 

“You ready to go inside?” Kara asks, cerulean eyes watching Lena with deep concern. “Today has been a lot. I’ll understand if you need some time to process things alone. I can make myself scarce if that’s what you need.” She wraps her arms around Lena’s shoulders, pulling her into her chest before stepping back and smiling to give her best friend a little space. 

Lena takes a deep breath as she wipes the tears away from her cheeks. “Yes, let’s go explore the cottage. I know it doesn’t look much like it did when my mother lived here, but I’ve only seen pictures and I’m curious.” She turns the key and pushes the door open. 

The place steals her breath. She can see that it has been remodeled and modernized. The door opens into a bright and open den with a fireplace. There is an island bar separating the living space from the kitchen. Through the floor-to-ceiling windows, she can see a patio with a table and a beautiful view of the shoreline. The more they explore, the more breathtaking the place is. 

“What do you say we check out the patio before we finish exploring the rest of the cottage?” Kara asks, reaching for Lena’s hand to pull her toward the door. “We can get settled after we explore. Come on, it’s 7:00 am, Lena. We have all day!” They both laugh as Kara pulls her out the back door onto the patio.

It’s a sight she didn’t expect. Lush green grass surrounded by bushes and trees, a telescope sitting on the deck overlooking the bay, and a hot tub sitting in the corner surrounded by a privacy fence with a built-in bar. Just beyond the hot tub, a little closer to the shoreline, there is a quaint little gazebo with a couch that’s perfect for watching sunrises or sunsets. It’s so much more than she ever imagined. Of course, the amenities scream Luthor and that makes her roll her eyes, but she is grateful that they maintained the cottage feel of the place. It’s perfect and she can’t wait to see what else awaits her inside.

The two of them eventually make their way through the entire cottage. It’s smaller than Lena initially thought, but still has two bedrooms, a small library/office in the loft, an open concept kitchen and den, a full bathroom between the bedrooms, and a small water closet close to the den. Add that to the outdoor space and it’s more than enough for them to live comfortably for the next month. Or longer should they choose.

Once they get their luggage into their rooms and unpacked, they meet back in the den. Lena settles into the couch while Kara gets a fire going. She catches herself watching the blonde as she arranges the firewood into the fireplace. Her best friend’s sinewy forearms easily capture her attention, the way she seems to move so fluidly through the task. It reminds her of all the times she’s drifted into fantasies, Kara's arms, her hands, and her imagination conjuring up the abs hidden under those cardigans. There have been plenty of times that her brain’s focus has been Kara, Kara, Kara. 

“Lena! Where’d you go?” Kara says, waving her hands in front of her best friend’s face. She chuckles as she kneels in front of the CEO. “I called your name several times. I got us both a bottle of water. I figure we can chat for a while before it’s time for lunch and you can spend some time in the library after that, if you want. You seem a bit distracted. If you need to spend time alone, please just tell me. I don’t want to be in your way. I know you need to figure some things out.” She watches Lena with an apprehensive look on her face, waiting for an answer.

She can feel her cheeks burning as she realizes Kara caught her deep into her not so platonic thoughts about her. Obviously, Kara doesn’t know that, but it doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Swallowing her shame, she forces herself to look into her favorite pair of blue eyes. “Sorry. I was just thinking about some things. You getting the fire going just caused some things to resurface in my mind. It’s been a long day, so much to process.” 

She shakes her head, not sure where to even begin sifting through all the things in her head. Then it dawns on her, a way for the two of them to ask and talk about things they haven’t in the past. “How about we play a game? We were just talking about how there are things we’ve never really talked about, right?”

Kara’s brow furrows, the adorable little crinkle forming. “Yeah, that did come up recently. You can ask me anything you want, Lena. We promised no more lies. Whatever you ask, I’ll answer.” She cocks her head to the side, trying to figure out what game could be related to this topic. “Is there a game that you have in mind? One that would help in this situation?”

Lena smiles at Kara’s adorable head tilt. It has always reminded her of a golden retriever puppy. “Have you not ever played 20 Questions? I can’t believe that. There’s no way with Alex as your sister that you’ve never heard of that game!” She feigns shock and presses her hand to her chest. “It’s pretty easy to play. Each of us asks a question and we both answer.”

“I have heard of the game, but now that you mention it, I haven’t ever played it. There are a couple games like that I’ve never played.” She smiles shyly and a light rosiness colors her cheeks. “Alex mentioned a game once called, um, ‘Never Have I Ever’, I think that’s what it’s called. I never played that one either. She said it was a drinking game and well, you know human alcohol doesn’t do anything for me.” She gestures up and down herself as Lena’s eyes track her movements.

“Well, we can play both, if you want. We don’t have to drink right now since it isn’t even noon yet in Ireland. Though technically, it’s after midnight for us.” Lena smirks, raising her left brow in the way she knows gets Kara’s attention. “It’s up to you, but for the record, I packed some Aldebaran rum for you. Alex got it for me. I wanted you to be able to relax and drink if you wanted to.”

Kara smiles, her eyes softening with pure affection for the woman next to her. “Let’s save the rum for later. We can still play either of the games, if you want. I think both of us are too tired. Plus, we’ve had a really long day so drinking might not be the best idea.” She reaches out to grab her bottle of water and drains it before looking back at Lena. “Would you rather play 20 Questions or ‘Never Have I Ever’ right now?”

“Hmm, let me think.” Lens taps her chin with a smirk painted on her lips. She’s not sure how she wants to play this. Either game will get her some information she has been curious about for a long time, but one is decidedly less platonic than the other. It really comes down to how brave she is feeling at the moment. It isn’t like there’s anyone else around to hear any of their answers anyway, right? That thought helps make her decision. “What if we play ‘Never Have I Ever’ first? If it’s too much for either of us, we can switch to 20 Questions?”

A big, wide smile spreads across Kara’s face and she squeals in excitement. “Yes! I’ve never played, but always wanted to based on Alex and her friends talking about it. I’m happy that my first time is with you. How do you decide who goes first?” She bounces in her seat, practically vibrating with anticipation. “How are we going to know who has done the things asked for ‘Never Have I Ever’ if we don’t have drinks?”

Lena chuckles. She can’t get over how excitable and adorable Kara is about this. “How about we get more water and use it as the drink for the game?” She watches as Kara walks away, the jeans she’s wearing hug her muscular thighs and ass like they were made specifically for her. Lena has to bite her cheek to prevent herself from letting out a groan of frustration at how unfairly attractive her best friend is. For what feels like the hundredth time today, she shakes the thoughts from her head and sighs. Her eyes slowly migrate back to an appropriate place, locking onto amused blue ones. “I’ll ask the first question to get the game started if that’s okay with you.”

Kara nods her head and hands the bottle over to Lena, turning to stir the fire again before she plops back down next to the CEO. “That’s fine with me. You’ve played this stuff before and I haven’t.” She grabs the blanket off the back of the couch and slides closer to throw it across both their laps. “Ready whenever you are!”

Leaning her head back onto the cushion behind her, Lena tries to think of an easy first question. She doesn’t want to ask anything too heavy or personal right away since she isn’t sure how Kara will react. “I’m trying to think of something that would have been asked if you played this game as a teenager or in college. Wait, did you go to parties in college?” She looks over at the reporter in curiosity. “We never really talked about our college years. Mine was…interesting.”

“Yes, I went to parties in college. A lot of them, in fact.” She grins as Lena’s raised eyebrow and shrugs. “What? People think I am way more innocent than I actually am. No one ever really asks me about things, they just make a lot of assumptions.” Her hand moves up to her glasses and she pulls them off, tossing them on the table. 

Inside, Lena’s mind is firing rapidly, her thoughts spiraling at what Kara has just said. She isn’t as innocent as people think she is? In what way? Lena’s poor brain is stumbling over itself trying to decipher that. “Okay, in that case, Miss not-so-innocent, never have I ever played spin-the-bottle.” She watches as Kara maintains eye contact with her, screws the cap off the bottle of water, and takes a drink. A dark manicured brow shoots up in surprise as she takes her own drink. “I guess there is a lot more to learn about you, Darling.” 

“Does that mean it’s my turn to ask a question?” Kara grins, shifting in her seat so she is facing Lena. A nod of the CEO’s head confirms and she taps her chin in thought. “Never have I ever…gone skinny dipping.” Curious blue eyes land on mischievous green. 

Lena takes a drink and winks. Kara shakes her head and smiles. “What? I was a very rebellious teenager. Boarding school was very…educational in many ways.” She laughs at the blonde’s gaping mouth and lightly closes it with her fingers. “Better close that or you’ll catch flies. I take it you’ve never gone skinny dipping?”

Kara nods affirming her assumption. Her blushing cheeks betraying her attempt at composure.

“Is that because you’ve never had the opportunity or by your own choice?” She asks, hoping she isn't prying too much. “You don’t have to tell me, but I am curious and I definitely want to know more about you. My first time skinny dipping was with Andrea and a few other girls from boarding school. We snuck out of our rooms one weekend after midnight and went to the pool. It was a very enlightening experience for a 16 year old me.” She waggles her eyebrows and waits.

“Wow. You went skinny dipping when you were that young?” Kara asks, a little surprised, but also not really. “I think I was still too awkward and weird at that age to do anything remotely rebellious. I didn’t really feel comfortable in my body until I was in college too. So, I didn’t ever really have a chance to get naked in a pool with anyone.” She dips her head, suddenly a bit bashful about her inexperience.

Lena reaches out for her hand and squeezes it, silently asking Kara to look at her. “There’s no reason to be shy about it, Kara. We’ve lived different lives and experienced different things. It’s not like there is a map on how to navigate being a teenager.” She pats the blonde’s warm hand and pulls hers back onto her own lap. She’s not really sure what she wants to ask next, but she definitely wants to steer this towards romantic relationships and sexuality. How though? “Now, my next question. Hmmm. Never have I ever…had a crush on a friend.”

They both take a drink of their water. 

“Who was yours?” Kara asks, an unreadable look in her eyes. “I’ve had more than one, but James was one of those, as you know.” Her eyes dart down to her hands, picking the label off the bottle. 

“Well, my first crush was on a boy named Taylor before I got shipped off to an all girls boarding school.” She rolls her eyes at the thought of that kid. “The first real crush that turned into something? Probably either Veronica or Andrea.” A smirk spreads across her face and she watches Kara’s eyes widen and mouth once again drop open.

“Y-you…but I thought…women?” Kara stutters incoherently before running a hand down her face and tilting her head. Once she gathers her composure and reboots her brain, she asks her question. “So, you’ve been with women? Huh. I guess we’ve never really talked about our sexuality. How is that possible?” 

Lena laughs, a full-bellied bellowing laugh that bowls her over and causes her eyes to water. When she manages to collect herself, she looks up to an amused blonde with her head resting in her hand and elbow planted on the back of the couch. “Like I said earlier, there are a lot of things we’ve never talked about. Our romantic inclinations included. But to answer your question, yes, I have been with women. More so than men, actually. I’ve been in relationships with two men and three women, but have had…liaisons with a mix of both.” 

She shifts to face the blonde, resting her head in her own hand on the back of the couch. “I suppose if I had to label myself, I would say that I am bisexual with a preference for women, but I rarely date. With my last name, my wealth, and my job, I barely have time for sleep.” She scoffs. “Plus, I’d rather spend time with you when I have it. Anyway, what about you?” 

They smile at each other. Kara closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them to settle ocean blues on emerald green. “Romance and love are hard for me. Things on Krypton were different. We didn’t have dating or even sex for that matter.” She huffs in frustration, not sure how to explain all the nuances of Kryptonian relationships. “I can tell you about Kryptonian norms another time, but dating has always been hard for me. Friendship too, if I am being honest. I mean, I thought I had been in love before, but now, it’s very clear to me what I felt wasn’t real.”

Lena stares at the superhero waiting for her to finish her sentence. When it becomes clear that Kara is lost in her own thoughts, she places a hand on the blonde’s forearm. “You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, Kara. We can talk about something else.” She gently rubs her thumb back and forth across the exposed tan skin under her palm.

Kara gives her a half-grin. “No, it’s fine. I just got stuck in my head for a minute. In answer to your question, Krypton didn’t really have sexuality and the gender of two people in a relationship didn’t matter. I think, in Earth terms, it would be called pansexuality? I’m not sure, but I think that is the closest thing to it. So, that’s how I have always approached my own.” 

She shrugs and looks down to where their skin is still connected, Lena’s thumb still moving across her skin. “I’ve never really dated any women, but I have been attracted to them. Even made out with a few in college. I guess because I’ve always been told to ‘blend in’ I never considered the fact that I could date women. At least not until Alex came out.”

Green eyes scan Kara’s face with affection and curiosity. “Would you be interested in dating women now? You’ve obviously dated men exclusively before. Is it something you want to explore? Romantically, I mean, in case that wasn’t clear.” She winks at the blonde as blue eyes roll at her. 

“Really? I think you made that clear, Lena.” She chuckles and pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. Her eyes flutter briefly as she tries to figure out how to answer the question. “I’m not really sure how to answer that question. In general the answer is yes, but I am also currently only interested in one person. Romantically.”

This captures Lena’s attention fully. There’s someone Kara is interested in and none of their friends have mentioned them? How is that possible? “Is this person someone I know? How come you haven’t mentioned them before? We’ve been together almost non-stop since we rescued you from the Phantom Zone.” 

She can feel her heart rate increase and her stomach tie itself in knots. It’s making her feel panicky and she’s doing her best to reign her emotions in because she knows Kara can hear her heartbeat. She takes a deep breath and again bites the inside of her cheek to calm herself. “Sorry, I just mean that I figured I would know about it since we’re usually always together. So who is this mystery person?” She tries to sound nonchalant and excited, but she’s not sure it landed.

“You definitely know them. Quite well, in fact.” Kara smiles, her eyes resting on the spot that Lena’s hand is now gripping her forearm instead of gently rubbing it. She’s incredibly nervous about what she wants to say. She’s been planning on telling Lena how she feels for a while, but doing it now could mean she is going back to National City early. Especially if things go badly, but Alex said Lena felt the same. 

One more deep breath, you can do this Kara.

“Remember how I said earlier that I thought I had been in love, but now I know what I felt before wasn’t real?” She watches as Lena nods her head. “Well, I thought I was in love with Mon-El and I guess I did love him, but I was never in love with him. I know that now. It was something I realized when I was in the Phantom Zone. It’s very clear to me that I am 100% madly  in love with this person and I’ve never felt anything else like it.”

Wide green eyes are fixed on Kara’s face, unsure what to say or do. Lena clears her throat, doing her best to keep her own emotions out of this conversation. “It sounds like you’re certain about how you feel. Have you told them yet? They’d be insane not to return your feelings, Kara. I hope you know that.” She does her best to stop her heart from plummeting into her stomach at the thought of someone else getting to love Kara the way that she does. 

Kare pulls her head out of her hand and flips her hand to take Lena’s into her palm. “It makes me really happy to hear you say that and I hope you mean it.” She brings her other hand up to push dark inky locks behind her ear, her palm and thumb coming to rest on a pale cheek. A smile spreads across her face as she watches green eyes flutter closed at her touch. “It’s you, Lena. I’m hopelessly, romantically, and completely in love with you.”

Lena’s eyes fly open, her heart does somersaults in her chest, and her stomach erupts into a million little butterflies. Without her permission, her eyes fill with tears and her mouth drops open. When she starts to feel Kara retreating from her space, she forces her brain to reboot and her mouth to work. “Y-you l-love me? Th-the person is m-me?” She blinks owlishly, unable to comprehend that Kara confessed her love. The woman she loves actually loves her back. “You want to be with me? Romantically? Not in a ‘that’s-what-friends-are-for’ kind of way, but dates and romance and all that comes with it?”

A pretty rouge blush colors tanned, lightly freckled cheeks. Sparkling blue eyes and a shy little smile shine back at Lena. She can’t believe this is happening. A dimpled smile stretches across her own face. 

Kara loves her back. She loves Kara and Kara loves her back.

Holy. Shit. Is this real?

Oh fuck. She hasn’t said it back! She needs to say it back!

She scrambles to get the words out of her mouth, her hand latching onto the one that is still resting on her cheek. “I love you too, Kara. I have for so long. I just…I can’t believe you love me back. I didn’t think you would ever feel the same.” She laughs, she can’t believe this is happening. “Is this real? I feel like I’m going to wake up any moment.”

Kara laughs. “If it’s a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.” 

Their eyes meet and they both lean in. When their lips meet for the first time, it feels like the world stops for a moment. Time restarts. Separately, they each realize that the universe may have broken them in very different ways, but those edges allow them to fit together so perfectly now. As if they just needed the last missing puzzle piece to slot into place so their hearts can finally arrive home.

[bleaksqueak]

I would read an entire book about the magic system and study in Solivaga… i love intense worldbuilding. Do sigils retain/transmit energy or intent through a shape or letter system? Neither, and simply have to be unique and enchanted by the Magi making the sigil?? Or is that more the concept behind Loci… Maia can use sigils, but cannot make her own? Does the attunement of the caster affect the sigil?

None of these are specific questions, I just love the amount of detail in everything. (But if you want to answer anything… I would not stop you 👀

On the other hand if you’ve answered any of this before ignore me)

So I've been wanting to answer this one since the day you sent it, but between my backwards sleep schedule and being busy, I just hadn't had a moment to or the brain power to... yet, today I am here. Sigils absolutely retain the energy and intent spent to make them. You might notice in Chapter 2 when Prof. GB gifts Maia the imbued sigil, even when dormant, it's radiating *her* aetheric signature's color and energy. When activated, the Trapper's Thrall retains the aetheric signature of the magi who originally cast it. Maia remarks later that it's always ever been borrowed magic-- because, to her, especially, it has. She's never seen her own magic's signature, but she's seen, through these pre-cast imbues, the magic of others. Madame Zoe, the owner of the Apothecary (and knickknacks) shop that Maia works at, sells imbued sigils that she (and Maia's coworker, who we'll meet in another chapter) make. There's other shops around town where they can be purchased, including specialty shops that sell them for convenience, younger/elderly magi, and as general disability aids for those who need them. Their most common usage is simply that of convenience-- a sigil cast has already had that aether spent, stored, and replenished for the magi who made it, saving the need to expend further aether in the now for someone who needs to catch some pests or who wants to have their floors swept up and cleaned. Cooling down, heating up, a spare light, pain relief-- even party tricks, ready made sigils are great usage for convenience. As for how they're made-- The spells all have a precise shape language that builds their foundation. The trapper's thrall I did three stages for in chapter 2 -- the precise geometric perfection of the spell in its official state, I did Madame Zoe's handwritten version, and then I did Prof. Gwennebat's.

You can see them here... the slight differences between the two quickly hand written ones, and the perfected model. The spell in its entirety is written in the sigil itself, and the more complex the spell, the more dynamic the working parts of the geometric language that comprises it. Madame Zoe is older and never became an eidolon, but her work is enough to catch some Mice or Gallynappers (you know, crane flies!) like Maia said. Gwennebat is, however, an eidolic expert in her field, and her shorthand writ for this spell reflects a stronger sense of knowing exactly what must be and where. Each spell must maintain the exact necessity of the language to summon it, but new ones can be made (Granted, this isn't exactly an easy task, and a great deal of the most commonly used spells used by magi within the veil were all coined by a single, well documented scholar from the time before "the worlds were split", as Prof Rasputin put it.). It's a very pictographic writing system with individual sigils themselves feeling more akin to a writing system like kanji, but it's not advised to string a bunch of sigils together to form a cheeky sentence. That's how buildings get evacuated at worst, and angry neighbours at best. As for Maia, before I end this-- Maia can use any sigil so long as she has her vial. Her vial may not be attuned, and it may be magically weak as all nascent aether is, but the vial casing itself and the housed nascent aether still behaves as the catalysts of will. So long as Maia provides these things and enters the mental state required to connect to and summon from the pre-cast sigil, she doesn't need words of invocation, the spell will activate. She carries a fairly large stack of varied, commonly needed sigils with her at all times in her bag. Those imbued on slips of parchment are sadly single usage, so she needs to restock fairly often... luckily, Madame Zoe is fairly generous with her and gives them to her free in exchange for a little bit of extra work around the shop.

[mashihope]

❥ [DKB] Their makeup is done by their crush (Maknae line)

(This mini moodboard is made by me; I don’t own any of the pics.)

• Members: Lune, Junseo, Yuku, Harry-June

• Group: DKB

• Warning

• Synopsis: You wanted to practice your makeup skills and decided to ask him to be your model. Little did you know, you're actually his crush!

[Note: I have zero knowledge about makeup, some things will probably make no sense at all, sorry about that] Hyung line

Lune

So... This looked like an easy task at first.

You thought Seongmin would be the type of person to be completely quiet during a makeup session, trying to make everything as easy as possible in order to be done fast.

And he actually is. He doesn't like to be alone for a long time with someone he doesn't know. He would rather be with his chaotic friends running around while he's getting his makeup done.

The thing is, Seongmin knows you... but wish he wouldn't.

He was screaming inside when you asked him, so you didn't know whether he accepted or not.

He just sat down on the nearest chair and waited for you to start pulling the brushes and makeup from your bag.

Honestly? His knees felt so weak when you suddenly approached him with a smile, that he thought he would immediately fall to the floor (and he doesn't want to look more pathetic in front of you, no)

He's so quiet that you're actually wondering if you've ever heard his voice before and how did it sound like. (I guess it sounds like angels singing behind the gates of heaven??)

Okay so... He's spacing out. A lot. He's not even blinking.

You stopped midway and slowly leant towards him, trying to verify if he was a real human or a statue (a really charming one, I must say) but you jumped back because he actually looked back at you.

Now he's confused about why you did that. Let his brain refresh, please. He just got back from dancing to Sober with the aliens in Mars.

He has just remembered what he was doing. His cheeks are suddenly making you wonder if you actually did put blush on them already.

wait WAIT

I DON'T THINK HE'S ACTUALLY BREATHING, IS HE??? 😰

You'll never know, but he's convinced he's able to comunicate through telepathy with the other members... He's desperately calling them for help at this very moment. Jokes on him, Harry is guarding the room on the other side of the door, trying really hard to hold his laugh.

He's sweating, I repeat, HE'S SWEATING. IS THIS MAN OKAY?? 😥

You left him for a brief moment (worried like the mom of a little kid with fever) to go get a mini fan but... Where's Seongmin?

(Fun not so fun fact, he has ran away and is now hiding somewhere)

Junseo

You didn't know what to expect with this guy at all.

All you knew is that he would be a great model (I mean, just look at him and that precious face 🥰)

He told you to ask someone else because he thinks it won't look good on him :(

You held his hand and softly squeezed it before you made him follow you to the practice room.

He was still confused about why you wanted HIM to be your model when there are 8 more members who (according to him) are way prettier than him. He sat on the floor, however, patiently waiting until you sat in front of him with your makeup bag.

"Why are you always hiding behind that hat?" you took off the bucket hat that you were so used to see him wearing, "It's called fashion" (he said it trying to look cool, but failed miserably)

"Have I ever seen your forehead before...?" you gently brushed the hair off his face, but it all came back after you blinked, which made you suspect that he put it back that way, "I guess that not being able to see is called fashion too?"

You stood up and he wondered if you were mad at him :'(

Luckily for him, you were just looking for your backpack :')

You came back with a cute brown kitty headband, making him give you a weird look because he knew what was coming next.

Cute lion Junseo!

"Do I really have to wear this?" (while pointing at his head) "Yup" "Okay"

You started to hum unconciously to Tell me Tell me playing in the background, which made him smile brightly 🥺💕 (he got you smiling back!)

Junseo soon acknowledged that it was a safe zone, making his shoulders finally drop after being so tense for the past minutes.

He slowly began to tell you random facts and stuff he read around the internet yesterday, he looked so stupidly cute while showing you his "nerd" side 😔❤️

He was really happy to hear you talking back!

Some people had showed signs of being annoyed with that little habit in the past, some of them straight up telling him to shut up :(

You don't really understand half of the things he's talking about, but none of you seem to care 😌

If only you had known sooner this would make you hear a lot of his cute giggles, you'd actually have done it a long time ago 💔

Your heart melts when he looks up to you with those pretty eyes and that gaze full of love and adoration.

He wishes he could stop time right there and then, feeling your warm breath on his face and your hand carefully placed on his chin.

You wonder what's going on inside his head after he gives you the sweetest smile you've ever seen, with his eyes almost disappearing.

Perfect timing, you have finished!

You cup his face with your hands and gently rub your thumbs on his cheeks, admiring both Junseo and your work, with a proud smile.

"We shouldn't let this go to waste, pack your things and let's go out!"

"Like... as in a date? 😳"

"Yeah, sure, I just want to show off my amazing model 😏"

Yuku

...he started to jump around the place a few seconds after you asked him, like a little puppy who's aware you're preparing everything to go out for a walk.

You're a little nervous but it looks like there was nothing to worry about after all!

Plus, he looks so cute right now 🥺 (not that he didn't before, though. He's just too cute too handle)

He told you he would play one of his "happy" playlists, filled with lots of bright and cute songs (Expect Dun Dun Dance and Smiley to come out of the speakers any time soon!)

It was funny to see him try to be all serious and still when you tapped the sponge across his face, so different from his usual self.

He started to make weird faces when you began to use a brush, "Y/N, it tickles" (you swore you felt your heart laugh along with him after hearing his voice)

You couldn't help but tickle his whole face with the brush, making him laugh so loud that the music started to fade in the background

And, honestly? That sound will always be better than any song anyway (no offense, Yuku, your playlist is amazing)

Him being all smiley and giggly didn't really help because he was making you laugh too (I guess we can call it "the Yuku effect"?)

He was singing from time to time and you tried to join him whenever you knew the lyrics, and if you didn't, you just vibed to his beautiful voice.

He looked at you with shiny eyes when you started to put lipstick on him, the sun rays coming through the window and laying on him as if he was recharging for his next move.

And, just like that, he gave you a sweet peck on the lips, after which he fell from the chair, laughing nervously while covering his face with his hands.

You slowly turned your head towards the little sunshine, still laughing on the floor, looking like a Sim awkwardly waiting for instructions.

He leaned on his elbow and tried to apologize, but your face made it funnier somehow, making him fall back again while wiping the tears in his eyes.

Coco Colada has just started playing in the background, making him stand up and dance automatically.

Heechan has been attracted by the music and is now dancing like a fool with Yuku.

Harry-June

He looked like a lost puppy when you asked him about it, but eventually accepted when Dongil reassured him saying that it would be a win-win.

He looked at him with wide eyes after that, though. You didn't know what was wrong but didn't ask either.

You actually thought it would be way harder to get him into doing his makeup, but, hey, he seems chill with it, doesn't he? 🙂

Oh well. He isn't, in fact, chill with this situation AT ALL.

This poor baby is actually shaking :(

He's even sitting down while looking at the floor :'(

You crouched and looked up at him, making his eyes go wide again and his cheeks turn a soft shade of pink.

You asked him if everything was okay, with the sweetest voice and smile EVER.

OMG THAT MADE HIS HEART BEAT SO F*CKING FASTER.

He always thinks that he can't like you more than he already does, but, somehow, you always manage to prove him wrong!

You tried to do everything as gentle and soft as possible, as if you were painting a delicate doll made of glass that could break at any given time.

He tried so hard to not be caught looking at you, thinking that he would look like a weirdo or something :(

But, he had been given the chance to admire you from closer than he usually does. He wasn't looking at you from the other side of the school halls, you were right in front of him and smiled a few times already.

He wasn't seeing things this time, you actually smiled at him today!

His eyes were closed because you were putting some eyeshadow on him, but the image of you smiling flashed through his mind.

When you turned around to pick up something else from the table, he started to cough because HE CHOKED WITH HIS OWN SALIVA.

It's been a few minutes since he fully recovered but the warmth on his cheeks won't leave, I guess there's no need to put any actual blush on him!

"And... Done! We should take a photo, don't you think?"

He stuttered after that, not really knowing what to say nor do, but still put his face a little bit closer to yours when you stood next to him.

You picked up your phone, pressed the camera button, and thought he looked nothing like he actually should.

Worried that he would feel bad after seeing it, you made a second attempt, in which he appeared blinking.

"Well... I don't know if this will mess up with the foundation or something but, sorry in advance!"

He looked at you confused while you put the timer, but you signed at him to look at the camera instead.

3, 2, 1... you left a little kiss on his cheek, making his eyes go wide.

Dongil comes back with a playful expression on his face, his eyes going back and forth between Harry and you.

You try to look as innocent as you can, while Harry is still trying to process what has just happened.

"Ah... I guess this has been a succesful mission after all... Good job, Y/N!", Dongil is giving you a thumbs up, making you shy for the first time today... Does he know what just happened?

Fun fact pt. 2: Dongil has been looking through the glass door of the practice room, hiding himself as much as he could and feeling so proud of his little brother!

[novel-nook-blog]

Part 2 – the review 🌸

(The Deal – off campus)

I’m still not 100% sure how to rate this book. Don’t get me wrong I loved it and read it in one sitting. I stayed up late and almost finished the book early in the morning but due to the exhaustion from those past few days that were overfilled with studying and staying up late, I needed my sleep. 

So my rating is somewhere between 4 and 5 stars. But closer to 4, that’s why I chose a 4-star rating. Why? Well, let’s dive into that.

I love good romance books. And I do love a good old hockey romance and this book was it. I started reading it because I wanted to know if it was worth the hype, and I can say that it definitely was. But… 

The first five chapters were… not it for me. I thought I won’t continue reading but at the same time, I was actually glad I wasn’t into the book because I still have to study for finals so it wouldn’t take my time. Those short chapters were great, it made it really easy to continue reading. But around chapter 8 I started liking it. 

Yesterday I was truly tired after just 4 hours of sleep and an important verbal exam that just sucked all the energy right out of me. So when I got home from uni I wasn’t in the mood for something “difficult” that would require my whole attention. And that book was my solution. I didn’t really care about the story and it was a great way to rest. But at around 40% of the book I found out that I couldn’t put it down. The book boosted my energy and I was suddenly wide awake. I planned to go to sleep at around 9 pm, but that didn’t happen. The next time I checked the time it was midnight and I COULDN’T put the book on my nightstand. One in the morning passed by and I was still reading. Eyes wide awake. Brain functioning for the first time since that exam I took in the morning. It was as my own personal energy drink. 

When 2 am went by I started thinking about my sleep schedule and the tiresome that would come to me and totally destroy me the next day. And I needed to function. So I eventually put it aside even when it was a difficult task to do. 

So yes, I loved the book. However, it didn’t make me emotional. Even with everything that happened there, I didn’t shed a tear. Not even one. I did laugh, tho. Not so often but there were some parts that made me laugh. That’s probably the only thing I have to reproach. So that’s why I gave it 4 stars. I just hope it would awaken more emotions. 

Also, Garrett Graham truly annoyed me in the first few chapters but I fell in love with him by the end of the book. He really is a good guy😌. I definitely will read the next books.

(picture/art from Pinterest – fanart by @ maggies_artt on instagram)