#like. no google I am very much talking about the ANIMAL CALLED DOE

[nomattertheoceans]

Not Google Docs autocorrecting "a doe" with "adobe" 😭

[toa-arania]

I found Touhou on IMDB and then it got worse.

So there's a bit of a story behind this, as there should be with any post. I have spent the past *checks clock* fifteen minutes and counting losing my goddamn mind over this.

Touhou 1-11, including 7.5 but not 9.5 or 10.5 for some reason, are all on IMDB. This is not that strange, as many video games are listed there for their writing or voice credits. What's weird is how I discovered this. I heard a voice in, of all things, a four and a half hour video about the Lego Ninjago show and how badly it fumbles its women. One of the characters sounded a bit like Azula ATLA so I checked. It was not the same VA. Then I saw this.

And then I saw this.

Now the sharp-witted amongst you may have noticed the tiny little inconsistency that

TOUHOU DOES NOT HAVE VOICE ACTING

Touhou has never had voice acting, especially not back in 2003 when PCB came out. There's also the detail that Layla Prismriver does not appear in PCB, nor does she appear in any Touhou game outside of her mention in the character profile of the Prismrivers, which firmly establishes her as very dead and thusly incapable of speech. You'll be pleased to know that it continues to get worse.

This is not the plot of PCB. What the fuck do you mean only one of these heroines intends to stop it. The cast list is also fucking bizarre.

Merlin and Lunasa are here but fuck Lyrica I guess. Alice and Youmu are not credited and REIMU ISN'T HERE EITHER. Youki Konpaku is credited. Youki Konpaku is not in this game. The goddamn Saigyou Ayakashi (which is spelt disastrously wrong here of course) is given a voice credit. THAT IS A TREE. THAT IS A TREE THAT DOES NOT TALK IN A GAME THAT DOES NOT HAVE VOICE ACTING. I AM GOING INSANE. WHERE IS REIMU.

Now obviously what I did at this point is start checking the other ones, and th8, 9, and 10 don't really have much interesting going on other than a continued and bizarre lack of Reimu in all of them. 6, 7.5, and 11 however are all bizarre for fun new reasons. Let's start with Subterranean Animism and work backwards.

I was suspicious of the lack of images so I went to check all of their pages and they're mostly men as far as I can tell. Most of them are credited in a film called Sule, Ay Need You, which a brief google has only barely convinced me is a real film that exists in the first place. It has a wikipedia article in indonesian. One of them, however (the only one with a picture) has been in eleven million different things with reasonably big parts. I have no idea what's going on here. With the player character situation there are eight characters uncredited not including Koishi, who is also nowhere to be seen (which feels strangely appropriate) and Sanae who I remembered literally as I was typing this is in th11.

Moving on to Immaterial and Missing Power:

TGHAT'S REIMU

Also I'm pretty sure Meiling wasn't in IaMP? (According to a quick google she was added in a patch but not given a story mode). Anyway the sudden appearance of Reimu is the only real interesting thing here because random cast absences are just so commonplace now. Now lastly for the weird fucking pages we have the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil and oh wow this one is something else.

Where do I even begin. Reimu is gone again. Three separate people are credited as Remilia. Actually most characters are credited twice except for Marisa and Sakuya for some reason. Sometimes they specify (voice) and sometimes they just don't. Most characters have [Character Name] and [Character Name (Voice)] which implies that one person is doing mocap or operating a puppet or something while another voices them but then there's just Rumia and Rumia. Who voices Rumia. Remilia has three fucking credits. Marisa and Sakuya get to be normal people. Reimu and Patchouli are just fucking gone. What the hell is happening.

And now it gets stranger once again because I said th1-11 earlier, not th6-11. The PC-98 games are all here too. However. Those pages are all just. Normal. ZUN is credited as the writer. There are correct plot summaries. No voices are credited. The name format is even different (Touhou [Number] [Japanese name]: [English name] instead of just Touhou [Japanese name]: [English name]). They're far too good quality. It honestly feels like whoever uploaded the PC-98 games is a different person to whoever's been doing their bizarre uploads of the windows games.

Now at this point I was looking for other interesting stuff to add - IMDB has Did You Know segments that had fun little details about the games, which seemed to be accurate. It also has a More Like This section linking to the other pages and-

...

...

Luna Nights is here too.

...

LUNA NIGHTS ALSO DOESN'T HAVE VOICE ACTING!!!!!!!!

[paikothecateater]

Currently working on a whale brothers + Sweden mini fic for an ask, but I feel like I have to point this out. (this is unrelated to the mini fic, I just wanted to assure the asker that I am working on it)

So, I'm sure most of you have seen this before.

It's a table of how the Nordics refer to one another.

I think this table is a pretty cool thing. It actually shows a lot more about their personalities than you'd think.

For example: Finland is the only one who calls Sweden 'Su-san' he's also the only one to refer to the other Nordics using honorifics or suffixes and this is actually very indicative of his relationship with the others.

(this is all information from Google, I can't speak for it's accuracy.)

The others do not refer to each other using honorifics which indicates a sense of over familiarity. It makes sense, but Finland being the only one who uses them indicates that he probably doesn't feel close enough to them to not use them. Either that or he's just too polite to.

He also refers to Sweden and Denmark with the suffix (San)

While for Norway and Iceland he uses (Kun)

This is actually also shown in the anime. He calls Sweden 'Mr. Sweden' and Denmark 'Mr. Denmark' though he does not do the same with Norway and Iceland. Now, Google did say that Kun is usually reserved for underclassmen and that may be the case for Iceland, but I'm not sure about how that reflects his relationship with Norway.

I've seen people talk about Denmark referring to Norway as his best friend and whatnot, but something I've never seen anyone bringing up is how interesting the usage of Boku and Ore is here.

Finland and Iceland refer to themselves with Boku. This is a generally more humble, polite and refined way to refer to oneself.

The other few use Ore which is described as being much less formal and a lot more masculine according to Google.

So essentially, the viking trio see themselves as big scary macho men, noted.

There's also something that generally intrigues me here.

Iceland has two ways of referring to Norway

Norway and Nore.

He uses Norway for international settings, but only uses Nore when it's just among the other Nordics.

According to Google there are a few reasons as to why that might be.

The one I've gotten most is this:

It's generally rude to refer to someone older than you by a nickname. It doesn't seem to matter any that they're in fact brothers. It looks like the same rules apply regardless of what relationship the two people have.

So it's just so he doesn't seem rude by calling Norway a nickname? I don't think it's that simple.

See, he calls all the others by a nickname, in fact, more so than anyone else. He doesn't change up in international settings for any of the others, even though, if anything, it would make more sense if he did.

Could it be his way of distancing himself from Norway in front of other countries? It would make sense. Iceland did always act embarrassed about being Norway's brother, so maybe this is his way of acting like they aren't as close as they are.

This is also something that happens with Denmark. Both he and Norway refer to Sweden as Sverige, but Denmark also refers to him as Sweden in international settings.

I don't think any of the last explanations work seeing as technically Denmark here is portrayed as Sweden's superior, so it wouldn't make sense for him to change it out of respect.

Google really did not help with this one so I had to come up with my own theory. While the others have some evidence in canon, this is just pure speculation on my part.

Denmark could be saying it in English to make it easier to understand when it comes to international settings. The Danish accent is known to be quite thick and hard to understand if you're not familiar with it. Denmark could be more comfortable with saying Sweden's name in Danish around the other Nordics as they're more familiar with his accent and could easily understand what he's saying.

What about Norway? Well, the Norwegian accent is considerably more coherent even to those unfamiliar with it.

You're more likely to guess what a Norwegian is saying through context clues than with a Danish person because you likely misheard what the Danish person said.

Sweden is also the only one to refer to Finland by... Well... Finland. The others all call him Fin.

We know by now that Sweden is very socially awkward so it makes sense that he wouldn't feel 100% comfortable calling Finland by a nickname, especially when Finland is the only person referring to him by an honorific. Sweden would likely worry that it'd be considered rude if he called Finland by a nickname.

There's something else I find a little interesting here.

Norway calls Denmark anko or Den

While Iceland calls Denmark Dan.

Why the difference between Den and Dan? Both the Norwegian and Icelandic words for Denmark start with Dan (Nor:Danmark, Ice: Danmörk), so why does Norway call him Den?

Maybe he's using the English spelling, but why would he do that? It's not like it's an accent issue. I actually have no clue as to why this is.

Another thing is Iceland being the only one to call Sweden by Sví.

We know in the anime and manga that Iceland has a particularly close relationship with Sweden, so it may be a product of that. Even when it's not directly shown, it's implied that the two are very close given that Iceland can pick up on Sweden's remote social cues better than anyone else. Is this historically accurate? I doubt it, but that doesn't exactly matter right now.

Here's another thing,

Finland's 'Ta-san' comes from the Finnish word 'Tanska' which translates to Denmark, but where does his 'Su-san' come from? The Finnish word for Sweden is 'Ruotsi'

Well it could be that (スウェーデン) the word for Sweden in Japanese is pronounced something like ( Suu-eden) so that's likely where it comes from. It's a little strange that he'd use the Finnish word for Denmark, but the Japanese word for Sweden.

Well, both Japanese and English are used in this table as what I'd like to call (base languages) the table operates under the assumption that whoever reads it either speaks Japanese or English, so they're used as though they were the same language. Essentially (Su-san) acts as (Swe-san) because (Ruo-san) doesn't help people who don't speak Finnish understand who Finland is referring to. Nordic, English and Japanese names for Sweden all start with the letter S. If I told you Sweden is referred to by 'Su-san' you'd probably think it's not that strange as an English or Japanese speaker, but if I told you he was referred to by 'Ruo-san' you probably would be very confused.

I'll quickly run down this one.

Norway calling Denmark Anko.

Anko is referred to as being (kind of like bro)

It is not in fact kind of like bro.

It means red bean paste.

Why does Norway call Denmark this? Well, it could be because of the red in his flag, but that's not what interests me.

Most Japanese nicknames are just shortened versions of one's name. Ice, Fin, Nor, etcetera.

Anko here is very interesting. It doesn't seem to be a common nickname in Japan. It could be that given that Denmark and Norway are referred to as best friends and are shown to be very close. This could be a classic case of a childhood nickname that carried in into adulthood.

Alright, that's all I have to say on this matter. As always, thank you for coming to my yap session. And for the asker who's waiting on that mini fic, I'm sorry for the wait. I just had to get this thought of mine out there before I forgot. I'll try to have the mini fic out as soon as humanly possible.

Also, let me know if you have any other theories about this name table because I'd be very interested to see if anyone else thought about this.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 5

Propaganda:

Ame -

"Typical autistic childhood – doesn't want to go to school, doesn't talk a lot, his plans for the future are just to go to live as a wolf in the forest… He's basically a werewolf and I think werewolves are often autistic coded. Actually his whole family is autistic coded."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Hibiki -

"he is canonically diagnosed with hyperacusis <3 my fav sensory issues guy (he's so relatable). also canonically pulled a bad bitch (uta) by being autistic."

Akira -

"He has a heartbreaking relationship with road racing and the memory of his dead mother, and while he is a major antagonist, he is given a lot of interesting looks into his internal logics that I personally find relatable as an autistic person. I also like how he expresses himself in unpleasant ways, but isn't always treated with disgust, its kind of refreshing."

Sang Woo -

"literally the first results on google is "sangwoo semantic error autistic." he loves routine + is extremely distressed by change in routine (contrasts w his ADHD-coded bf). very blunt/cannot read social clues which leads to some misunderstandings throughout the manhwa. he's very relatable to me as an autistic person but also as a queer man, and it's refreshing to see autistic characters being open with their sexuality/sexual life bc we're often displayed as asexual robots incapable of love (bad for lots of reasons haha). he's super cute generally and really grew on me throughout the series. definitely the best part of semantic error."

Douglas -

"Many other characters try to read into what he does and says, looking for deeper or different meanings but it's always revealed that he means exactly what he says every single time and the butt of the jokes is always the other characters for being dramatic and presumptuous, not Doug for being autistic. Also he's the mean autistic representation we deserve."

Scott -

"look at him. failboy autism. even more so than any previous version!"

Shinra -

"he's just like me forreal."

Soi -

"I mean come on, it’s Purson. He thinks he’s really good at talking to people but most of his conversations (at least at the start) are completely one sided. He just blurts out whatever he’s thinking and completely dominates the conversation (if you can call it that). I love him so much for it, I have a really hard time figuring out when I should just stop talking and let someone else have a turn and only tend to realize after he fact that I didn’t really let anyone else get a word in and feel really bad. But the way Purson communicates is never shown to be a bad thing it’s a bit awkward at times but that just how he is and the rest of the misfit class live him for it. I think I could go on all day about how wonderfully inclusive Iruma-Kun is it’s such a good series, also in my brain Balam, Kalego, Clara and Opera are on the 4 outer points of an x-y graph that represents the autism spectrum. Everyone else fills the blanks in between. His bloodline magic is ‘detection warding’ and for the first several arcs of the manga the rest of the class didn’t even know he was there."

Makoto -

"In one sentence: Katai considers the titular Komi-san a communication master. Katai looks like a brutal thug, but he's actually extremely shy. Shy enough that after missing a couple weeks of class, it takes him months to build up the confidence to go to school. Katai tries to make friends once he does go to school, but he can't hold a conversation and doesn't realize that his mumbled half-sentences and resting bastard face make it look like he's threatening people. He's also pretty bad at reading the room, which is why he interprets Komi's behavior as a communication master trying to guide him from afar rather than a kindred spirit also struggling to hold a conversation."

[porcupine-girl]

I had the weirdest possible Check Please dream.

Ngozi was going to do another volume, and we were all excited because Shippy and Taylor were finally going to get together.

Who tf are Shippy and Taylor you might ask?

Shippy, I immediately realized upon waking up, is Tater, but in this dream world somehow he got a different nickname and I don’t even know how. Idk if my brain was just like “he’s part of this popular ship and I’m lazy” or “Tater and Taylor would sound too cutesy and I really want this girl to be named Taylor for some reason” or what.

Taylor was not Vanessa with a different name. She had spiky lavender hair that looked a bit like this animal crossing hairdo:

But longer, like if it were lying flat it’d be about chin length, and of course in Ngozi’s drawing style.

I didn’t find out much more bc I woke up due to my husband getting up to get ready for work, but somehow when I got back to sleep, for once my brain deigned to continue my dream from before. It is apparently very invested in Shippy/Taylor (although after I woke up and realized Shippy was Tater my brain went back and forth between the two names).

So in the continuation, I learned that Taylor was already dating another member of the Falconers (I’m not sure I ever got his name), but he was very controlling and emotionally abusive and everyone on the team was hoping she’d leave him and kind of shunning the boyfriend socially due to his behavior.

Tater ran into her in like… a mall food court sort of location? And somehow their conversation led to him confessing his feelings but saying that it was fine if she didn’t want to be with him, just begging her to leave the controlling guy and saying he’d help her however he could just as her friend. She was clearly not quite ready to leave yet, but then her boyfriend called and when she said oh I’m at the mall and I ran into Tater so we were just hanging out he got really pissed that she was hanging out with another guy (in a totally public location, and being honest about it) without him and demanded she come home right away. And when she hung up you could see that having that conversation right after the conversation with Tater was kind of making her realize that she really did need to get out of it.

Tater saw that too and jumped on it, like “If you don’t want me to help I’ll call Jack and Bitty (which my brain then corrected to Zimmboni and Little B, it was like my brain was like helloooo this is Tater unlike you Ngozi would write him correctly) right now and they will come help you get your stuff, you can stay in their guest room, they would love to help.” And she was kind of mortified by this, like oh god does the entire team know??? And he was like, well. Yeah. Kinda. Everyone’s rooting for you to leave him, that’s why nobody talks to him or hangs out with him outside practice, we all know how awful he is. And she was like oh god, great, everyone knows how stupid I am for staying with a guy like him, but Tater was like no no no everyone knows how hard it is to leave that kind of thing but we all know you’re strong enough to do it as soon as you decide you’re ready.

And that was about as far as I got in the Shippy/Taylor saga before I woke up for good. I can only assume Jack and Bitty did come get her and let her stay with them, and eventually once she was over the nasty breakup she got together with Tater.

What’s really funny was that when I went to start writing this post I couldn’t remember her name, only that it started with a T and was like 6-ish letters long. I started the post calling her Tricia and was like no that’s not right, so I googled girl names that start with T and was just hoping that if I read enough lists of names something would click and maybe I’d recognize it if I saw it. Then I opened the first list and the very first name was Taylor and I was like OH RIGHT MY BRAIN NAMED HER AFTER TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT HOW DID I FORGET THAT??

[script-a-world]

Submitted via Google Form:

How much would inbreeding be a problem if I have a group of around 45 people if they were stuck somewhere and so their descendants are from their own gene pool. About 7 generations later, there'd be 6 new people added to the pool. Then my story starts 3 more generations after that. What kind of a program would they have to set up to reduce complications? Also, in the original stranded population, would it help if race was greatly varied vs having a dominant race and a few racial minorities? How do I know make this a society that does not create problematic eugenics and breeding programs?

Addy: If you can marry someone who's a second cousin, you're generally fine. First cousins can be okay occasionally.

Look up the concept of cross cousins & parallel cousins. In some IRL kinship systems, you're considered to be related to one but not the other. Some very remote societies also have an interesting setup where it's acceptable for a married woman to sleep with someone visiting, so as to add new genes into the local population… but that's the kind of cultural thing that takes a long time to develop in a population.

In your situation, I imagine that people would keep records of who has children with who (somewhat similar to FamilySearch), and that sleeping around (especially in men) would be judged, as it muddies up the gene records. If they keep careful records, they could probably keep to second cousins. It's really just a matter of finding whoever is the least related to you in your group and going from there. Also, remember that not everyone will necessarily have children, when you're looking at population growth.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parallel_and_cross_cousins

Tex: Your first paragraph sounds very much like a math problem, so I am going to refer the following Wikipedia pages to you, in order of recommendation to be read:

Inbreeding § Humans

Incest

Incest taboo

Pedigree collapse

Coefficient of inbreeding

What do you mean by “program”? Is this to be considered a scientific endeavour? A breeding program? Does this mean that consent is removed from reproduction? Because that’s what it sounds like. A significant factor in eugenics is dictating reproduction based on racial boundaries, and these so-called boundaries will shift as political climates do. A fair amount of the definition of race, historically, also goes by the definition of religion - a very good example out of history would be forbidding the marriage between Protestants and Catholics, when they were often people from the same region, to cite a more politic example.

Inbreeding, as listed in the above links, can cause deleterious effects in the offspring in regards to environmental fitness. Reproduction is primarily about continuation of a species, and as Addy has clarified, you need not presume a 100% reproduction rate in every member that makes it to adulthood. This is a good thing, as that would easily create genetic instabilities by increased opportunities for inbreeding, and also put a strain on local resources that can quickly develop into starvation, war, and disease. I’m going to add in some additional Wikipedia links for inbreeding, that talks more about this subject relating to animals and other non-humans species rather than humans themselves:

Inbreeding avoidance

Inbreeding depression

Inbred strain

Population genetics

Thirdly. What do you mean by “dominant race” and “racial minorities”? What are your real-world models on this? If you are intending this worldbuilding to be a form of mathematical amusement, that is one thing, but in narration this is an inherently racist set-up and perpetuating it will only create more racism.

[literallychen]

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ TGC with a S/O who games ♡

A/N: No pronouns used, pretty much just sweet fluff, use of the term "mantitties", proofread but I am very tired

Issacwhy

Definitely would lay on your upper thighs while you play

Give you tips on a game he's never played and when they don't work blames "the ping" or some other stupid response

Would play/stroke your hair if you were doing something boring in the game

Points and taps on the screen at character customization that fit your aesthetic and don't stop until you have it on your character

Will always play with you if it's a game that he knows

Softwilly

Definitely scrolling through twitter while you play, putting his phone down every minute to see how you're doing

You'll tell him that you're going to play the game later in the day/week and he googles guides and watches videos on the game so he can impress you if you are struggling/need help

Doesn't talk much while you play but definitely makes absent noises in the background

Always ends up falling asleep while you play

Larry

Giggles at pretty much anything you do

Would definitely put on your favourite movie in the background just so you have something to do if your bored

Almost always offers to grind for you in game if you want/need a object

Just does silly shit all around, like poking you or throwing stuffed animals at you

Brings you water/snacks while you play so you don't forget to listen to your body; cause he's fallen down that path before

Yumi

He's a big baby and you can't convince me otherwise

You two would have the stupidest conversations ever while you play

"why is red called red…"

"… what?"

"like why can't it be called purple?"

"Yumi… I am try to get Bella Goth to cheat on Mortimer Goth with my sim, I don't think I'm the person you should be asking that question"

Plays lofi/calmer songs while you play

Grunk

Draws little shapes on your skin while you play

^ Also plays with your hair

Bro almost always plays with you; If you buy a game he will buy it as well just so you to can play together

Nonstop smiling. He's smiling while you do absolutely anything. Top tier boy

If you do anything impressive immediate response will be :0

^ Sniffs when you die/lose and does a :( face

BigT

Overall vibes are peaceful

You two honestly tend to go for more relaxed games

Honestly I refuse to believe he's not a really laidback guy & very calm

Light jazz playing distantly in the background while you just talk about life and the game

Laying on his chest cause hnnnggg those mantitties (/hj)

He'll just stare at you, not in a weird way just admiring your beauty

^ Bro is in love with every part of you, he loves your voice and the way you smile when you're rambling about you're game, the way you scoff and roll your eyes when you lose, your laughter when something stupid happens- everything

He'll make stupid jokes about the game and eventually the room will be filled up with laughter

[fairycosmos]

Oh boy, things are extremely rough atm. Can you recommend any healthy coping mechanisms? I literally don’t know a single one that works for me except for self destruction and being on my phone until I don’t feel anything anymore. And apparently that’s not what we’re supposed to do when we’re sad

ok so unfortunately all of my healthy coping mechanisms only half work for me and it's a total gamble whether or not they're going to on any given day. and none of them ever cure my mental illness which is annoying. like they're not fail-proof solutions and a lot of the time they're simply frustrating in fact it often feels laughable to even try them. a walk is not going to make any of this better. but consistency DOES strengthen your coping skills like a weak muscle. like even after 3 days of practicing them i'm like Ok well i feel like shit but i survived without hurting myself and that was the whole point. not a cure but a tool. ok i'm just going to list them because otherwise, i will ramble forever. btw it's ok to do like, even half of one of these per day. there's no need to overwhelm yourself at all :) coping is coping.

meditation - it sounds and feels like bullshit but i follow this youtube called great meditation and they upload 10 min guided meditation sessions and they have truly gotten me through a lot of low moments at this point. sometimes i feel much better after and sometimes i barely notice a difference but the point is i've sat and breathed for a bit

journaling - i thought i needed some sort of mental health diary for this but then i just opened a google doc and followed these mental health journal prompts ( just one every other day, nothing overwhelming, and no pressure to write a lot or to write anything in particular) and it helped me organise my thoughts and notice the patterns i was/am locking myself into. there's also trauma processing prompts online if that is what you're after.

free writing - again just opening a word doc but this time you just write without thinking literally letting go and putting down whatever words your fingers type - no judgement no curation no performance no expectations.

submerging my face in cold water, holding ice cubs - good for grounding.

crying my eyes out, purposefully listening to sad songs or watching sad movies in order to do so - cleansing, painful, tires you out and can make you feel renewed briefly.

breathwork - again there's some great youtube vids for this. i do this 20 min nervous system reset somewhat often, but there's shorter ones that are also very effective. box breathing also helps if you just need a simple go to - breathe in for 4, hold for 4, our for 4.

lie down on a hard surface or the floor with your back straight - another grounding thing. to occupy your mind during this you can name 5 things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one you can taste.

pat your arms, legs, stomach, head, chest gently and breathe deeply - again it can be grounding.

watch trail cam vids of cute animals, use the wikipedia page generator to read up on smth you've never really thought about before, download duolingo and start learning a language. not to become fluent just to get your mind out of the place it's in, even for 5 minutes.

literally just move around especially outside - HATEEE to say it but stretching on your bedroom floor, going for a walk, following an exercise video etc - it can really help you feel a bit less stale and myopic. if it's too much, opening a window is a good start. or simply standing outside your house for 2 minutes and going back in. the air will feel good.

make sure all your bases are covered - have you eaten, have you slept, have you showered, have you talked to someone in the last few days, are you hydrated? if not, make a small move towards doing one of those things. feeling like crap physically only compounds how crap you feel mentally and so the cycle perpetuates.

scream, punch/throw pillows, snap pencils, stab at paper with pens.

affirmations - i'm trying to build a list of ones that resonate with me specifically because a lot of them don't LOL. but there's a lot of good resources online for this. one of my favorite current ones is: doing a little is better than doing nothing. a job half done is better than a job not done at all.

do something creative - it's not about being an artistic genius it's about doing something tangible with your hands and getting out of your head and using the space in your brain to focus on something that doesn't feel doomed. drawing, singing, cooking, playing an instrument, writing, whatever you want. you don't have to have done it before. you can just do it.

talk to someone you trust/care about, let them in even a tiny bit. it's ok to verbalise these things. give them a fair chance to be there for you the way you'd want to be there for them. i know it's hard, all of this is, but it's not impossible. also, look for any communal resources you can find - support groups, local therapists who may offer sliding scale prices that are affordable. it all sucks but it's something.

will add more when/if any come to mind. i'm sorry you're feeling like this and i sincerely hope it all becomes a bit lighter for you soon. sending so much love. x

[djsherriff-responses]

Manga spoilers, or “How Dolph’s perspective of his own memories conflict within itself”

As well as other thoughts (please please discuss this with me) Note I only read the preview pages from Google books , which while has shown the most from the manga it’s only previews and thus I am missing huge chunks of context . Also apparently there was a print issue and they’re reprinting the manga to be on shelves for Match, talk about a doomed yaoi am I right fellas?

While it’s more likely the stuff that contradicts with the show (and itself) is due to the two projects being made in different paces , as well as just general struggles writing a manga spin off of a new property, it is fun to see possible narrative purposes that can be strung from it especially for fanfic angst purposes

Particularly the fact the manga is Dolph revisiting his memories

One of the story beats of the manga that immediately stood out to me was the differences between how Dolph met Alex

In the manga it’s either day light or the very early evening seeing as how Dolph walked past groups of people and families while wondering the beach city. After Dolph fails getting pizza, he makes his way to a bar called “Spark” and finds Alex, notably surrounded by people partying and being rather jolly himself

But in the show? Drastically different flashback, different tone even

This is clearly the dead of night, and the bar called “Prism” is quiet , or at least doesn’t seem to have as much as an active rave compared to Spark. Alex is a lot more attractive relaxed here, having a smoke rather than getting frisky with some other people who notably aren’t in this flashback. While Dolph was a wreck in both anime and manga, he seemed far more on edge in the anime version.

How Alex responds is also interesting in each version. In the manga, Alex gave him a smile which made Dolph blush before passing out. But that’s not what happened in the anime. Alex just looks at him confused and a little concerned before Dolph passes over. Dolph didn’t blush, instead he remained hostile until Alex caught him and asked for his name.

So what does this mean, besides that the manga has writing issues and it probably shouldn’t be seen as “true” canon?

Even after everything Dolph has suffered and experienced, he is still looking back on his relationship with Alex through rose tinted glasses, even though they’ve cracked they’re still rose coloured.

It’s also possible Dolph may have been given some kind of false memories ,either literally through his cyborg brain or just from Alex twisting things to get into Dolph’s head to control him further (Eden may have also messed with his head but just put a pin on that)

While it is entirely possible the anime flashback is the “false” memory , if we consider how Alex planned on using Dolph until he decided to betray him , the manga version of events seems far more palatable to get Dolph to stay loyal to Alex

Think about it, an old man picking up a barely legal teenager from a club surrendered by people in daylight is a far less creepy scenario than an old man picking up a barely legal teenager at an empty club in the dead of night

So it’s probably easier to view this manga as Dolph’s “false” and true memories conflicting with one another than the true story of what happened between Dolph and Alex

A barely conscious Dolph over hearing this conversation is likely one of the few “true” memories that exists in his head. It’s worth noting as well that people who suffer from abuse can develop issues with their memory, and Dolph was a victim of Eden abusing him from early child hood , meaning he was already mentally vulnerable when he met Alex

Speaking of Dolph’s childhood trauma, he was basically (unknowingly) sold to Eden

We actually get a very brief glance of what Dolph does remember of his mother , who is obviously not a blonde sex worker who Ramon probably visited at some point but a struggling woman who was given a difficult choice due to desperation also gotta love Eden having casual eugenics in its system

Do you think Dolph’s mother is still alive? Do you think she mourns him every time she sees his face on TV? Do you think she ever tried finding him?

NOTICE THE GLITCH ON HER FACE!? “They took everything” , he probably isn’t aware of this but I’m damn sure Eden tried erasing the very memories he has of his mother

Dolph is definitely not the first the person in Eden to undergo cybernetics enhancements. I seriously doubt Sarah became a full bodied cyborg Templar after Dolph became Captain Laserhawk, but this was likely a much more specific trail the scientists were doing.

While it could’ve been for some mysterious purpose we do not know off yet, based on limited knowledge I have atm it’s likely Dolph was one the first child soldiers Eden produced. Do make note that the scientist refers to Dolph as a test subject to be used and tamed rather than a human child and that Dolph refers to himself as property , Eden was testing ways to make children into tools to be owned

How much of these memories are “true” though is unclear, considering Dolph himself gives some confusing information

At the beginning of the manga Dolph states he was 4 when he began his training, but later on says he wouldn’t leave the facility for the next 8 years.

Meaning he would’ve been 12 when he entered the outside world

That hmmm, that seems a bit weird? Right? Like, even by Eden standards I’m sure that’s a bit young to let a armed child fight terrorists, or maybe Eden really is that messed up

…..maybe Dolph really did become a traumatised Cyborg before Sarah, damn

Still I’m going to count that as weird because I highly doubt even Eden could get people to ignore a middle schooler in their police force. Also possible Dolph just sucks at maths

Another note worthy thing is Lucy

Lucy is essentially Dolph’s childhood friend who is the daughter of one of the scientists experimenting on him. Lucy was the one who kept Dolph’s spirits up and gave him hope when he had none, and pushed him to keep going in hopes of becoming a “superhero”

A pretty damn manipulative relationship when you actually think about the fact Lucy is going to become Dolph’s boss when they’re older and Dolph has no say in the matter

The thing is, I actually don’t think Lucy was ever a real person, or at least I think much of what Dolph is remembering of her is fabricated , even more so than how he is remembering Alex

Obviously once I am able to read the full manga that point is going to be harder to believe in

But Dolph having a child hood friend who is always cheering him on no matter what? She just happens to be the scientist’s daughter and thus can visit him whenever? Lucy being such a kind and caring soul that Dolph doesn’t want to leave the facility and thus her behind? The notable lack of Dolph interacting with other children being experimented on? Dolph not knowing any kids showing symptoms of being traumatised and him and those children having conflicts because of that?

Lucy seems too good to be true

Until the part Lucy tells Dolph to shoot a kid, but Google books won’t let me read past this page so no clue what happens after

Based off of what I found on Assassins Creed wiki, Lucy was basically a double agent for the assassin to infiltrate the templars , only to decided to join the Templars for real and turn her back on the Brotherhood. Kinda interesting how Dolph’s “friend” back then had strong ties to the Assassin Creed games

Anyways before I finish this post I want to go back to Alex

Two things we learn here

Alex was the first person Dolph ever slept with

Alex set things up (a fight) to it make it easier to get Dolph to get into bed with him

So obviously Dolph was not some kinky bad boy before meeting Alex (side note but I feel a bit awkward about some jokes I’ve made about Dolph’s sexuality knowing the context of the manga now) and it was even mentioned in other pages Eden didn’t even let Dolph “have” a sexuality to speak off, basically raised to take orders. confirms my theory that “Captain Laserhawk” was for branding purposes not because Dolph actually lead a team

But also something far more important to address, Alex manipulated both Dolph and the situations that they were in order to get sexual with Dolph, a barely legal teenager with little life experience and who never had any prior experiences with that sort of relationship

Even though Dolph did consent, he had no clue what Alex was doing and was being manipulated by him

While I do think this memory is true , it does make me wonder if all of Dolph’s sexual encounters with Alex was this sweet and gentle , or if Alex pushed Dolph further into activities he may not have been comfortable with?

It’s really interesting to see that Dolph did comfort Alex sometimes rather than him being the one needing calming and that Dolph wanted a fresh slate in life. The poor guy was down bad from day one and probably would’ve shoved a wedding dress on if Alex popped out a ring

Really hilarious to see Alex get angry about Eden “fucking experimenting on kids” as if he didn’t just bang a teenage virgin young enough to be his son

There’s also an irony in seeing Alex be the revenge seeking one, though idk if that’s genuine or part of an act

Conclusion: Dolph doesn’t remember how events actually happened because people literally tempered with his brain and because he has a ton of repressed memories , Marcus Holloway probably should go back to college before continuing his therapist career and Alex is a groomer

[desire-mona]

randomly assigning house md characters internet moments / videos / memories / whatever i remember based off nothing at all (i did i dps version too) (also links for everything i talk about will be provided) (also also this isnt made to make fun of anyone involved in any of this)

house - mr beast and his OLD OLD youtube videos, like circa 2015? i think? he used to make cringe compilations essentially where he just made fun of kids' youtube intros. face and all like nothing was blurred for privacy, and then he'd call them cringe and make drinking bleach jokes. like a LOT. i binge watched those back in like 4th grade i think? maybe 5th? so thats kinda all i associate him with now. he also made videos where he would say a word like a thousand times, sometimes WAY more (like 100k+). or like. count to that number, he did both. anyway rip house you wouldve loved making fun of kids' youtube videos

wilson - does anyone remember the evian baby commercials? i think the whole shtick was like "this water makes you feel young again" I THINK? the one i linked was the one where the reflection on a building makes ppl babies, but theres one where babies are on roller skates or whatever too. this isnt entirely an internet moment as much as it is just a memory, cuz i remember my mom and my aunt DYING laughing at these commercials. idk what it was they were just in tears. theres something so 2007-2015 about dancing babies. wasnt a dancing baby the first internet meme? just googled it and yes it was.

cuddy - onision's shitty spoken word songs PLEASE tell me someone remembers them. onision really shouldve stopped trying to make music after the banana song bc the rest really suck shit. this is NOT based on vibes i gotta get that out there, i was like hmm cuddy has a kid. you know who else has a kid? YOU KNOW WHO LET THEIR KID FALL OUT OF A WINDOW? cuddy would fucking HATE onision. ALSO OH MY GOD PAUSE EVERYTHING ONISION JUST UPLOADED A SONG. I NEED TO MAKE A SEPERATE POST ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL. anyway dont watch it. i linked strange æon's video on his music just bc i really dont wanna direct u to anything of his directly. did u know i dont like onision?

foreman - the most insane youtube poop ive ever seen in all of my 19 years of living, i sent this to maddie specifically when i made my initial "like for a rando internet moment!" post but i really need to share it with the general public. general warning for youtube poop-ness; flash, loud noises, overwhelming, etc. i am actually begging you to watch this because it tops every other ytp ive ever seen, like actually blows it out of the water. i also has no idea ppl still made ytps after 2014 tbh.... btw this is probably the only ytp that i'll ever recommend LMAO

chase - OH MY GOD KYLERLOVESJESUS. so basically this one eboy influencer type on tiktok back in 2019 Found God and went on rants about how abortion is wrong and gay marriage is bad and blah blah blah. there was this moment on one of his lives where he went "i love gay people, i would be best friends with a gay person. do i support it? no." which was the FUNNIEST shit back in the day. i would quote it on the daily. btw the editing of the video i linked is VERY of the time so beware LMAO

cameron - cutie the kitten (sans' wife and gf) + the killing videos sans fan girls would make. i actually cant link anything bc the channel doesnt exist anymore but! basically back in 2016ish there was this one girl who had such a crush on sans and she had a whole ocxcanon situation with sans and her pink cat oc Cutie. a lot of ppl hated her + the ppl who had ocs shipped with sans but looking back its truly not a big deal. what is a big deal is that she (? maybe?) and other sans fangirls would make animated slideshow videos of their ocs using powers or whatever to kill other sans fangirls. like brutally. it was a wild time i wish cutie's channel was still up so i could prove thats a real thing, but ask an undertale fan from back then and odds are theyll know. heres a sans fangirl cringe compilation so you kinda know what im talking about, but fair warning it is a cringe compilation so. it wont be nice.

thirteen - TW INCEST!! this one hamilton animatic i saw back in forever ago to the song 'helpless'. usually animatics to that song use eliza and hamilton (im not a hamilton fan this is very surface lvl knowledge btw) but the one i saw was eliza and ANGELICA. like as in HER SISTER. big surprise someone in a big fandom ships incest wow I KNOW its tame compared to other shit, but it was i think my first exposure to anything like that circa 2017ish, so it kinda stuck in the brain. also the video i linked isnt the og its a phil collins mashup, the og got taken down. hamilton always makes an appearance in my house posts doesnt it, be lucky i didnt give kutner this one bc ppl were turn up abt hamilton fan kutner.

taub - WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT MIKE AND MELISSA ⁉️⁉️ basically mike and melissa is this animated passion project this guy made to show himself (or his persona? or maybe just some guy) falling in love with his fursona that comes to life. this was the only episode this guy uploaded and i think he kinda disappeared after. the plot is kinda hard to follow and its not TERRIBLY animated but its certainly not professional looking. there's a video about what happened to him uploaded like 5 months ago, but i havent watched it. when i first heard of mike n melissa i fully thought it was a mid 2000s family sitcom but it definitely Is Not That.

kutner - undertale sans au christmas party comic dub. i probably dont need to give an explanation as to what sans aus are but idk how many ex or current undertale fans follow me so i'll do it anyway. making au's for undertale was a pretty common practice back in its early days, and usually the most popular character in any undertale variation is sans. who sans is shipped with was always up in the air, so much like the onceler, ppl ended up shipping sans with other au versions of himself. this christmas party comic is in my mind the undertale fandom equivalent of camp weehawken. i think there was also a sans au comic where all the sans' except for like 2 were toddlers at daycare? i dont remember who the adult sans' were but also i think the creator got into hot water? dont remember why.

[bringcal]

most shameful ask of my life. i would love to hear your analysis of nagito komaeda. you don't have to actually rant about him but know that there's people interested in hearing that

So, I do have an entire google document of my feelings about Nagito I wrote a few years ago, I never edited it, so maybe my feelings have changed, but I'm too lazy to research and think about it again. I made this because I feel like Nagito is never understood by the fandom, and most people just think hes a selfish asshole or completely hypocritical. Just a warning: this is 2k+ words long, and I will not provide screenshots of what i'm referencing ( Because again, i wrote this ramble years ago and am not in the fandom much anymore, so i can't be assed to do it). Anyways, have fun reading! (MAJOR SPOILERS)

NAGITO KOMAEDA, CONTROLLER OF SITUATIONS

Nagito consistently encourages the ultimates around him to create hope and talks about how useless he is but then acts like he is a crucial part to make hope. In the 5th trial, he attempts to kill everyone because he feels like he's the only person there who could create hope.. which in a way is technically true and I will talk about why later, and to many people this can be written off at a one time thing. ... but it keeps happening. As Servant, he manipulates the situation continuously and manipulates the kids into thinking  he will be a help just so hope can get created, and he promises to make Monaca even worse than Junko just for hope. Even through his life as a student, he literally attempted to bomb the gymnasium because he didn't think a good hope could get created. He also tries to kill Junko to create hope because he feels like he can stop her. He takes control of every hope-creating situation that's accessible to him to the point that the people he's encouraging to create hope barely even have the option to be without him, which I don't even think he FULLY notices it's what he does. He brute forces his way into controlling every hope-making situation while saying it depends on everyone else.

I mean, I think even if he's full of hatred for himself, he tends to wish he wasn't, and these cravings of self importance leak through. I think he openly states this to Hajime. In his final message, he says " I should have never made fun of Hajime. Deep down, I always wanted to be a protagonist myself too. " Though lots of people took this as a final way to make fun of Hajime's yearning to be special, people tend to forget that even though Nagito can say very rude things, it is how he's communicating his feelings. His emotional communication often comes out in inappropriate ways, especially in a snarky attitude; and there's no doubt that Nagito sarcastically tormented Hajime in chapter 4, there's always some kind of truth hidden underneath his remarks and undoubtedly he's expressing his true feelings. So when speaking about how he wished he was a protagonist, It's not a complete "final kick" at Hajime.

Nagito is being sincere. He feels as though he wishes he felt like he's more important  in his life, which is the hope and despair cycle.  I mean, he literally asks them to call him the " Ultimate hope " right after ffs.

NAGITOS PERCIEVED ENDLESS LIFE CYCLE, AND CONNECTION TO HIS SELF ESTEEM

Though, I'm not done with that yet. I think that's only his feelings on how he wished he was like in his current time, struggling with his hope and despair cycle. Deeper down, He feels like he wished he didn't hate himself or overly love himself, and instead lived a normal life with no hope and despair cycle to bother him and full of people giving their love to him while he gives that love back.

We know this because of the anime episode dedicated to exploring his deepest desires and wants. World Destroyer AI tells him that he was on the deepest level of consciousness they went to, and everyone's deepest desires were higher up and they were already awake. Though I think this could be a reference to Nagito's sickly state of having cancer + dementia, I think it's more of a comment on how far he's pushed his truest desires down into himself.

Nagito crushed his OWN hopes, because he believes he's stuck the way he currently is. Supporting evidence would be both his monologues about hope among the common people, and also in the same episode he denies that what World destroyer AI saw in his consciousness is not what he wishes for at all, which is almost immediately confirmed to be a lie by AI. Backtracking on what I just said and expanding, we also see what Nagito's true desires are. He wants to have positive social connections with others, and he's tired of being by himself and not accepted for having out-there views. Even outside of this episode, this gets mentioned a LOT.. when Nagito gets the despair disease, and in his free time events. When he gets the despair disease Monokuma calls what he's having " liar disease " which though a very basic conclusion I dont think is completely accurate. Many of the things he says in his state weren't even lies, they were just outright gibberish that made no sense. I think it's a way of showing how Nagito feels when talking to people. No one has ever understood him his whole life, and it's extremely despairing to him. With his free time events, he admits that now that he's slowly dying he realized what he truly wants is someone's love. He quickly covers it up ( speculated it's because he saw Hajime started to empathize with him and wanted him not to, because anyone that gets close to him ends up having bad things happen to them due to his luck cycle ) and claims he just quoted a book.

Soo.. Why does Nagito hate himself? Why does he feel like no one likes him or no one should currently like him? His misfortune and traumatic past. Nagito's entire life, bad things happen to the ones he cares about, including himself. His dog died, his parents died, and he was kidnapped. He had absolutely no one. He says his mother never complimented him and the kidnapper realized he was useless so he threw him in a garbage bag. Everyone in his life saw him as useless growing up, and he feels like if someone did care about him, he'd cause them to die like the others. He can only fly on private jets because of this, because no one he's close to has a chance of dying on a plane like how his parents did.

WHAT HOPE AND DESPAIR MEANS IN DANGANRONPA

Okay now i wanna  talk about Hope and despair in the Danganronpa universe and Nagito's relationship to it! So first of all we're going to have to define key descriptors of what hope and despair is in the danganronpa universe.

Hope: Absolute good, The future, the truth, talent, belief, and luck.

Despair: Absolute evil, Grief, hatred, anger, nihilism, unluck, also the truth, in some cases

Nagito's relationship with talent is actually very unique and directly linked  to his view of true hope. Nagito believes people are born with their talents, you don't  just develop them over time.  I used to actually agree with him ( about talent within the danganronpa universe )  but Nagisa's  backstory I think actually disproves this. Nagisa is the ultimate scholar, but that isn't because he's just naturally good. His father forced him to study almost 24 hours a day, lots of the time to study and see how much you can force such a child to study and excel until they break. This is not a natural development of talent at all, so talent is not something you're born with. I think he just thinks this because his talent is pretty supernatural with how it works and also a little self hatred over the fact he has a talent.

Nagitos talent is SO fucking weird. He's the 2nd ultimate luck we've gotten and his luck works in a way different way than how Makotos does. Nagito's luck happens in a cycle, meaning if he's lucky one time there will be something unlucky following it, with luck following after and so on. For example, when he was a child he went on a plane with his parents and someone hijacked the plane. That's unlucky. but then, a VERY asteroid conveniently showed up and hit their plane, killing  the hijacker, which is pretty lucky. However,  later his parents died because the asteroid sent them into a plane crash, which is unlucky. but AGAIN, he inherited tons of money because his parents were rich, which he considers to be pretty lucky.

Growing up, this cycle has led him into lots of traumatic situations, which made him more dependent on his good luck and hope. He constantly pieced luck +  good together, with his personal experiences as reinforcements, which means luck and hope are together because hope is absolute good.  This is a trauma response for Nagito, he's become so obsessed with hope that  he will take any opportunity to try and create the most powerful hope everyone has ever seen. He thinks hope will save everyone, just like how it "saved" him every time he had a bad situation. He pretty much equates having bad luck to the common people , evident by his episode dedicated to himself. I don't really know why TBH with you. I just know he does by a bunch of examples in the games and episodes.

He has no control over his luck UNLESS he believes in it.  Believing was how he pulled off most of the 5th trial and the final dead room. However, we know he does win games like rock paper scissors and tic tac toe every single time haha, even if he doesn't want to. He apologizes when he does. So the extent of control over his luck is believing in it.  He has no control over his misfortune though, and it usually manifests in it hurting the people he loves sadly. So, it's safe to say Nagito's luck and misfortune cycle is linked to hope and despair . Believing in anything linked to hope makes it stronger as well. 

Now here's where we get into Nagito's moral fucked up-ness. Nagito is extremely morally fucked, he will literally not hesitate to bomb a fucking school  if it means stronger hope will arise. To him, hope is naturally stronger than despair, so any despair you create will be weaker than the hope that overcomes it.  This is why he appears almost not brainwashed at all by Junko  and has ulterior motives against everyone else when coming apart from the ultimate despair.

Nagito still LOVES hope, and hes willing to literally help with genocide because hes so convinced that an even more powerful hope will overcome it. He's never afraid to offer himself up to die for hope. He pretty much controls every room he's in and purposely makes it harder for everyone because he either 1. is testing to see how hopeful they all are and/or 2. making the situation more despairing for hopes sake. 

Because he values talent so strongly, he thinks that since talented people are born that way, anyone who is not talented only purpose is to submit themselves as a target for despair so every ultimate can use it as a stepping stone for a bigger hope. To him, someone with no talent's natural level of hope in them is very small and weak compared to someone with talent. A group of common folks hope just will not suffice to create a future filled with absolute good. Though Nagito only considers his talent an actual talent depending on when he actually needs it. He thinks luck is pretty worthless, but when it's for hope, it's worth a lot. He never thinks that ultimate luck is as low as non-talented people on the ‘hope scale’ though.

I’d also like to add there’s like multiple ways you can achieve  the label of ultimate hope. Makoto, who has ultimate luck defeated Junko who's the ultimate despair, so he's now considered the ultimate hope. In the dr universe the ultimate hope is like the highest rank of ultimate you could EVER  be.  Izuru Kamukura is also the ultimate hope, but this is because he has every single talent in existence and he's considered a godlike entity. 

Random add on, Difference n samesies between Nagito and Hajime

I was just thinking of sames n differences between nagito n hajime n i just think its very interesting their like... characters are showcasing the same thing but different versions of it. they both know very well the harshness of the concept of talent in the danganronpa universe n find different ways to cope with it, yet they still fall under the same category of "losing yourself entirely" ... Hajime does this in a Very obvious way, since he literally signs himself up for a life altering surgery that he knew very well would completely get rid of himself. He knew he would disappear, but he did not like himself so much  that he would rather have disappeared for talent.  However, with Nagito, he does this in another way... he is absolutely obsessed with talent, but except for feeling bad about himself for not being " as talented” ( even though ultimate luck is arguably the most interesting talent in the whole franchise )  he accepts this. He accepts he is seen as worthless unlike Hajime, and he uses this to help bring more hope. he Tries to get people to kill him for hope ALL THE FUCKING TIME, until he eventually decides to do it himself when he finds out everyone is despair. he decides to become the savior for hope and talent. Hajime submits to talent and hope, while Nagito completely dominates the concept.

In conclusion, Nagito Komaeda is a character who hates the cycle he believes he’s been subjected to, but also thinks it is the most useful tool. He hates his life and wants a different one, but doesn’t think it is possible, so he attempts to find self-worth and satisfaction in something that is possible: helping to create hope for the future of humankind.

What if I said that Nagito's luck cycle isn't even real? In a way, because his belief is such a strong force to his luck's effectiveness, maybe the only reason this cycle hes in exists is because he believes its true. Maybe he could have a normal life if he believed in it, but his life long misfortune has cemented this outlook in his mind too much. This is why I think Makoto x Nagito is the healthiest choice for Nagito but that's a rant for another time. ;3

[jamiesfootball]

Oh oh oh oh! I noticed you did not list the Jamie falling asleep 5+1 fic, does that mean the title is there??? 👀

And as much as I’m always begging for posts from the others hit me with some info about Heaven Sent a Hurricane and/or The Greater Richmond Pet Acquisition!

Yes it does mean that. You are keen sighted. The 5+1 has now been named 'I still feel like the same person I’ve been' and I am quite happy with the title (it works on every level I wanted it to!) Bonus: I think I may get into edits on ch 1 for it this week (pray pray pray I did not jinx myself by saying that)

Heaven Sent a Hurricane - this is my darker timeline that is based off of this idea I had that is basically 'what if Roy and Keeley never broke up, so Roy never trained Jamie, and then Amsterdam happened?' This one interested me for two aspects:

1) I love angst, and Jamie in the Zava era with no hope in sight? Endless possibilities.

2) The Roy and Keeley relationship, and particularly the idea that they would have to learn and grow as a couple but with the fun addition of the exploration of non-traditional relationships. Keeley is coming to terms with the fact that she may just be polyamorous, specifically in terms of Jack coming around, and what does that mean when she is trying her hardest to make it work with her boyfriend who she really does love?

In its original iteration it was a not-the-way-you're-thinking Roy/Keeley/Jamie endgame, with Keeley being poly, Jamie being aromantic, and Roy's poor search history being sacrificed in a fucking bonfire after all the googling he's had to do. But I also go back and forth on how much fucking effort that sounds like, especially since I would start in a depressing angsty place and end up in a somewhat crack-tastic place, so it very well could end up one series called Jamie Going Through It (Zava Style) that would focus only on Jamie and his mental state, and another series called Everybody's Incompatible Bitch; Let's Go Eat Some Fruit (Who Has the Wi-Fi Password?)

The Greater Richmond Pet Acquisition is that other damn thing I blog about that begins with Give Jamie Tartt A Cat but eventually has spread to me assigning animals to the entire team. The main story in this one is that Jamie comes back in S2 and befriends Higgins, who shows him pictures of the late Cindy Clawford, and then Jamie decides to go out and adopt a cat. THE GIANTEST AND FLUFFIEST CAT. PURE SEROTONIN IS HIDDEN IN THAT FUR.

It's positively fluffy (when it's not absolutely gutting you with feelings), right until Wembley happens and after his dad leaves and the hug is settled Jamie has a complete fucking panic attack that he has to get home now or his dad is going to hurt his fucking cat. At which point like, they got to talk about the abuse, man. Fuck.

[xokohaneazusawa]

HELLOOO CAN I JOIN THE MATCH UP THING????

As for fandom Blue Lock please 😋🙏

My pronouns are she/her and i like it when people call me Casey its my favorite nickname (casey was my fav from tmnt)

Tbh i dont mind anyone. But it would be better with mfs who survived from second selection? Also expect that monk guy i dont even remember his name 👿🙏

-> I LOOOVE JAPANESE ROCK. i am a big ass nerd for it 🤓 i am also an artist i love putting my emotions to my creatures (mostly rage and sadness lmao) i love reading mangas mostly psychological or horror stuff to lose my sanity. I also love watching animations! I still watch Cars idk what everyone thinks its still my favorite movie series of all time (Cars 2 solos) as for dislikes, basic mfs. But not every basic mf tho. The mfs who goes "eww what are you wearing?" And they wearing the most basic shit you could imagine. I respect everyone's fashion sense but if you make fun of others' style you are just meh. For short, karens? I hate karens. I also love yapping fr you could also realise it i cant shut up :D also tbh i dont have any idea bout my mbti. I have done a few tests and i always got esfp or entp. So lets say i am an extrovert 🙏🙏

As for love language, physical touch, quality time. I am an clingy person lol

I AM SHORT AF LMAOO 5'1-5'2 dont remember. But i am pround to say i have a hourglass-pear body 😈🙏😋🔥 i also have dark brown wavy hair which reaches to my shoulders. My friend said that i have doe eyes. And i am really pround of my long eyelashes tho :> my eye color is also dark brown but i am cursed with thick eyebrows 😞 as for aesthetic, it changes? But i am a gyaru. I just change my gyaru style everyday (sometimes stuff like agejo or hime, sometimes goshikku and rokku. You can search them up on google if you dont know them!)

Thats all i guess. Take your time no need to rush and also take care of yourself!!!!!!! Thanks again :>

I think you'd look good with...

Shidou Ryusei!

-> Right off the bat, idk you just seem like somebody who would get along with Shidou so well. It's a feeling- But anyway, you're both very extroverted and you both seem to like Japanese rock style music! -> Would be so down to just sit around and watch really anything with you, he would comment on basically everything so be ready for that, and be ready to tell him to shut up at parts of whatever your watching. Though sometimes his commentary is actually kinda funny, but still (Also the fact that you like cars, Icon. I love it so much as well<3) -> Have you seen this man? As far away from basic as like anything. You'll never have to worry about him thinking about how what you're wearing is 'ew'. He just seems like the type of guy to absolutely love the gyaru fashion aesthetic, no matter which way you do it! -> You also work so well together because you also appreciate horror stuff and things like that, and this mans favorite animal is a velociraptor.. because they looked cute eating people. Speaks for itself there. And the fact his favorite movie is 'A Clockwork Orange' which also falls under the category of 'Psychologically disturbing' . -> Will let you talk his ear off. He doesn't particularly mind, I mean as long as you're okay with his weird comments sometimes, and him constantly wanting to fight people if you say anything bad about them -> Also a very clingy person, and will have a hand or two on you at all possible times, no matter what. He loves being near you and loves it even more when he can hold your waist or your hand when walking basically anywhere! -> Will go on dates where you guys just go around shopping and he'll go into every store he thinks that you'll like and will find things that match with your aesthetic and any sort of accessory he thinks that will match your outfits and he'll get it for you, no questions asked.

Other potential Matchups - Bachira Meguru and Karasu Tabito

[theflagscene]

Shipper Tag Game!

I was tagged by @negrowhat 🥰 Thanks for the tag!

1 - What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

Hmm, I’m trying to think. I don’t have the best memory of my life as a teen, it was pretty hectic and I didn’t get my first personal computer with internet access until I was 18 years old. So I wasn’t really into the fandom spaces yet, I guess I’ll go with Buffy and Spike? I loved them as a couple so much and now I’m just like; meh, whatever.

2 - Which ship would you consider your first one?

Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, I was just kid but I was very very invested in them finally kissing lol. Me and my older sister used to watch the English version that they aired in the West in the 90’s, so it wasn’t even a dubbed Anime it was legit changed for American audiences.

Note: I am not American, but you get my point.

3 - Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

The first fic I ever wrote I think might have belonged to Willow and Tara 🤔 I’m trying to remember, I’m pretty sure it was Willow and Tara.

4 - Do you remember the first couple you saw fanart of?

Not really, I was never on the fanart side of fandom spaces because of my total and absolute lack of talent lol. So I’m not really sure what fanart I came across for the very first time, knowing my luck it was something cursed on Google that I accidentally stumbled upon and thus blocked from my memory.

5 - Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Not really, I once stopped interacting with an entire fandom when I started getting attacked because I happened to like a bisexual character with a character of the opposite sex better than with a character of the same sex. Basically I was being called homophobic and other terrible things because I was reblogging het gif sets and pics instead of lesbian gif sets and pics. The fandom for this series was extremely toxic and I actually stopped watching the series because of how much the fandom tainted it for me, all because I thought the het couple had better chemistry then the sapphic couple, that’s all. The character was canonically bisexual and had dated both of the other characters at one point or another on the show, I just thought she happened to work better with the male character. Sigh, people are weird.

6 - Did you used to have a NOTP or have any currently?

Yes, back in the day when I was very active in the Whovian fandom, I was very much against shipping Gwen and Jack from Torchwood. They were my NOTP, not gonna lie, they’re lowkey still my NOTP lol.

7 - Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

AlanJeff, I’m still very much stuck in my ‘Alan and Jeff live happily ever after’ phase of mourning Pit Babe’s ending lol.

8 - Currently do you have any OTPs?

Oh man *cracks knuckles* let me just hop onto my AO3 history, my current obsessions OTPs are;

SeanWhite, ToddBlack, AkkAyan, AlanJeff, PhayaTharn, KaranAchi, PheeJin, Tae Myungha x Cha Yeowoon, Sangwoo x Jaeyoung and Lan Wangji x Wei Wuxian.

Those are the ones that I can confidently say I consider OTPs atm.

9 - Is there any couple that to this day you are extremely mad about them not getting together?

I mean, does it even have to be said?

10 - Is there any ship that you used to dislike but now you think are kind of interesting?

Hmm, I don’t think so. Chances are if I disliked the ship before, I’d probably still dislike it now.

11 - Do you have a ship that in the past was considered ‘normal’ but now you would be cancelled over?

Ginger and Bridgette from Ginger Snaps, it’s an incest ship because they’re sisters but to be fair to teenage me, the writer and director both talked about how they purposely played up the fact that the pair were borderline incestual. Especially as Ginger became more and more feral (it’s a werewolf horror trilogy), she sexualized her relationship with her sister because that’s what her animal instincts were telling her to do. As she crawled over her talking about masturbation before whispering in her ear; it’s like we’re not even related anymore. I’m pretty sure teenage me has a glitch as my brain tried to figure out why that was so hot.

They continued to play up that whole ‘animals fuck their own family in the wild’ angle in both the sequel and the prequel, the story purposely was saying that there was no one for them but each other.

So yeah, I fell for it. I was a horny and sexually confused 15 year old who had a crush on the main actress of the trilogy lol, of course I shipped them.

12 - What’s your favourite crack ship?

Crack ship? I don’t really know, I mean what even is a crack ship anymore, ya know? In this day and age, most fandom spaces allow you to ship whoever the fuck you want, rule 34 was long ago blown past by shippers and now it feels like crack ships are a thing of the past.

13 - Who is the couple you’ve read the most fanfics of?

Probably Sterek, Destiel is a close second but I’m going to say Sterek with like 88% certainty that I’m correct lol.

14 - What do most of your ships usually have in common?

15 - What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Miscommunication! I absolutely loathe it when a ship is on the rocks or breaks up because no one would just fucking talk to each other! It drives me insane, because like just speak to one another, why is that so impossible!? I’m in a poly relationship IRL, I have been for over 16 years. When you’re dating more than one person, the idea of not communicating is just baffling! Communication is key! Like, what? Is this just a monogamous thing!? Why can’t the characters just talk to one another, open and honest dialogue. Arg!… so yeah, miscommunication gets me a little heated lmao.

Tagging! I’m not sure who to tagged so I’m going to go and pick the last five mutuals in my notifs and hope you don’t mind me tagging you lol. @oh-goodness-loki @crapyouknowme @jdotsodomite @jeonghanurl @italianpersonwithashippersheart

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 184 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: cutting the jasmine in my garden.

"Though one could pluck a numeral from the air and add some zeros, place a figure on how many tiny, twitching things exist within these tunnels, it cannot be comprehended. Not truly." NOT REA- oh wait, false alarm xD Is that the sophisticated version of not really? Not truly?

"A trillion. An octillion. A quindecillion." I googled that, I wanted to know if this is real or made-up words xD So a quindecillion is a number equal to 1 followed by 48 zeros! Now I wonder, to what extent do we have names for numbers that high? Okay, so I googled further, and this is actually hilarious! Check this out, Wikipedia entry to Googolplex: "In 1920, Edward Kasner's nine-year-old nephew, Milton Sirotta, coined the term googol, which is 10^100, and then proposed the further term googolplex to be 'one, followed by writing zeroes until you get tired'".

It's cool that this domain has (at least) two victims with very different understanding of what they are afraid of. One being hurt and the other one hurting others.

JON: "Don’t like ants?" MARTIN: "Obviously not. No-one likes ants, Jon." JON: "As the embodiment of all knowledge, I am not entirely sure that’s true but… okay." Yep, there are people who like ants. Friends of mine have a pet ant colony.

JON: "No, John Amherst was encased in concrete, and shrivelled away to nothing after just a few years." I already talked about this in S4, but this could be seen as another confirmation that spreading fear is indeed necessary for an Avatar's survival. So Daisy would have literally starved to death. Old written statements probably also wouldn't have sustained Jon forever. We know from MAG 155 that the fears will find ways to force you into doing more and more damage.

JON: "It’s the ants." Finally we see animals! They always had a place in the fear ecosystem, as Jon has called it, and this one and the thing about a domain for cats are the only examples we have... The way good cows blew up I would have somehow expected a secret cow level to make an appearance...

MARTIN: "I sometimes forget that most of the people we know are avatars." Hm, super sad. They were in so deep, it probably would actually have been dangerous for outsiders to hang with them much. And then of course there are the non-Avatars, who didn't make it. Sasha. Tim.

JON: "Ceaseless Watcher, look upon this man –" MARTIN: "Jon…" JON: "– subsumed by terror and gripped with swarming fear. Gaze into him, through him… And out of him." MARTIN: "What does that mean?" JON: "Make him a vessel of your hunger, staring out and harvesting with a thousand, thousand, thousand, tiny, eager, eyes." MARTIN: "Hang on…" Martin's comments as he slowly realizes what Jon's doing here are so funny XD

JORDAN: "What did you do to me? I feel…" JON: "Better?" JORDAN: "Sick." Jon's hope to have finally done something good is so audible in this. And it's getting smashed in an instant. Can't have shit in the apocalypse...

JORDAN: "What did you do to me?" JON: "I helped you." JORDAN: "Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!" The insistent tone Jon uses here. He desperately wants to do something, just a tiny bit of good.

JORDAN: "No, I don’t – I didn’t ask for this!" :( Just like Jon... Jon never wanted this and he probably feels terrible to have done this to someone else now.

JORDAN: "I don’t… I don’t know how to be this. I don’t want to scare people." JON: "No. But you’ll learn." JORDAN: "… Am I still me?" JON: "I don’t know how to answer that." And more and more heart-wrenching parallels...

JORDAN: "The ants… If I told them to attack you. Could they?" JON: "… No. Nothing can really touch us anymore." God, and then this... Actively antagonizing Jon for what he's done... After a few breather episodes this one’s back to being a punch to the gut.

@a-mag-a-day

[beantothemax]

Did not proofread! Enjoy the horrid au that has haunted my since spring of 2021. It genuinely helped me with my mental health but it's also horrible and weird and I don't know what came over my friend and I when we came up with it <3 it was also conceived over a 4 week period, we just kept piling stuff onto it. The Caellach x Valter part of this au is just the tip of the ice berg and there's so much more bs with the other Grado generals, some antagonists from fe6, 7, 13, 14 and also Silque from fesov. She's not an antagonist even in the slightest, I just was obsessed with her for a long time. I have not played fesov.

Vital information:

The mobile spinoff (fe heroes) takes place in a country called Askr. The idea is that each fe game is a seperate world but the FEH protag, Kiran, can summon them to Askr and use them in their army. It's just the in universe explanation for how it's a gacha game.

Also I am. so very sorry. for how ooc this is.

So it starts with Caellach finding out Valter and Linus (don't look him up, you'll get spoilers) had a fling a while ago. Caellach is homophobic so he goes around telling everyone else that Valter and Linus are gross and gay. The rest of the friend group (Grado generals and some other gba villains you don't know) are all queer though so they're just like "and? Idc".

Groups starts bullying Caellach for being a homophobe and it evolves into a joke that Caellach is just jealous of Linus cause he wanted to be with Valter.

Narcian (don't google him) gets the genius idea of offering Valter large amounts of money to date Caellach. Valter explains the situation to Caellach and they agree to fake date and split the money 50/50.

As all fake dating stories go, they end up falling love and just start real dating. Caellach also really really cares about Valter so he starts actively working to improve himself as a person cause he wants to be a good bf. Remember this for later.

Skip to 5 years later. I don't remember if it was 5 or 3. Valter and Caellach are happily married with some adopted kids and a cat called Minty. You don't need to know all of them, the important one is Marianne.

Joshua gets summoned to Askr. Caellach has had time to improve and become a better person, but for Joshua, Ismaire's death was only like a week ago.

Obviously Joshua he's pissed. He knows Caellach has become better but still absolutely despises him so he starts harassing him and basically just digging up a lot of old stuff.

This goes on for a while and stuff escalates until Caellach commits suicide. Valter does not deal with this well at all and ends up neglecting his kids and becoming an alcoholic.

As the oldest, Marianne ends up having to take care of the others, which creates a big rift between her and Valter.

Sothis, who has been here the whole time sorry I didn't mention her before, gets tired of seeing Valter like this and helps him fix his life. He tries repairing his relationship with his kids but it doesn't go very well.

Anyway more time passes and Valter makes a deal with Sothis. If she makes him immortal, he'll open an orphanage.

Reason for doing this: him and Caellach both had abusive parents (not in canon, this is a hc) so they had a dream of opening an orphanage to help kids who'd been hurt.

Valter has that orphanage for 10 000 years somehow. I don't know where the number 10 000 came from. At this point, he doesn't remember Caellach at all or why he opened the orphanage, but he's found someone else he trusts to take over it when he dies (Ninian) so he asks Sothis to kill him.

She does. He wakes up in the afterlife and remembers Caellach. They reunite :3 the end :3

Other stuff:

The cat Minty. Oh my GOSH Minty. The thing about her is that she can see ghosts and Valter can talk to animals (I can't for the life of me remember where that came from) so Valter would say something then Minty would say what Caellach's ghost responded with. Absolutely horrible method of communication. Minty also hates Valter a bit so she'd sometimes lie and say Caellach said something horrible.

Full list of kids adopted by Caellach and Valter: Marianne, Hector, Reginn, Rebecca, Raigh, Lugh and Chad. Do not look up the last four, you'll get spoilers for stuff. Anyway after a while, my friend and I kinda forgot about Hector, Reginn and Rebecca so they don't even really count anymore.

I think this fic is what was lying within from the far reaches of hell that made whoever read it go mad. ive observed truly forbidden information and now must live with it

gotta say imagining a fake dating plotline with valter and caellach is extremely funny to me. imagining any kind of ship trope with these two is funny to me actually because they’re just. they’re just them. I don’t have a better way to explain this sorry