#like. it would ABSOLUTELY suck if you as an elf had a kid that had the lifespan (metaphorically) of a cat

[klinefelterrible]

Harry: *over the Daily Prophet* did you know that one of the Weasleys sucked Hagrid’s balls and ass?

Draco: *over Harper’s Bazaar* ah yes

Draco: Charlie, I believe was his name… the oldest

Harry: or second oldest, I never know

Draco: the Weasleys, huh?

Harry: yeah

Harry: strange

Draco: what, licking sweaty ass and balls of a half-giant?

Harry: no,

Harry: I mean yes, but I mean that backup Seeker of Chudley Cannons is a suspect in a muggle murder case

Draco: oh

Draco: on my side of the paper is this *folds a paper and shows Harry a picture*

Draco: I need these new boots from Christian Louboutin

Harry: of course

Harry: we will go and buy them

Draco: good

Harry: how about tomorrow

Draco: great

Harry: I wonder if they fucked

Draco: backup Cannons’ seeker and that muggle he murdered?

Harry: no, Hagrid and Charlie

Draco: oh

Harry: supposedly murdered

Draco: yeah whatever

Draco: *over the magazine* my bet would be on Charlie fucking Hagrid

Harry: oh?

Draco: yeah why else would he lick that stinky abyss of black fur

Harry: you think for fucking?

Draco: I’d bet five galleons for that

Draco: would you take this bet?

Harry: I need to think about it

Draco: fine

Harry: my guess would be they switch

Draco: so Hagrid fucks Bill’s ass and Bill Hagrid’s?

Harry: Charlie

Draco: yeah, of course

Draco: I meant Charlie, but

Draco: you know, the Weasleys

Harry: yeah

Draco: so we both agree on Charlie fucking Hagrid

Harry: I guess so

Draco: give me your phone

Draco: yo

Luna: hey Draco

Draco: so Potter and I have a little tie here and

Luna: did an elf lose it? I could ask Hermione to ask around if—

Draco: *sigh*

Harry: *whisper* typical Luna

Draco: *rolling eyes* Luna, sweetheart, it’s a figure of speech

Draco: we were talking about Hagrid and Charlie

Luna: oh

Luna: okay so no elfs and ties anymore?

Draco: no

Luna: strange conversation starter, but go on

Draco: …

Draco: okay so do you know if Charlie still has sex with Hagrid? We wanted to buy him that „world’s best top” cap that he liked so much on Harry and we need to know if Hagrid’s initials shall be included in the embedding

Luna: you’re kidding, right?

Draco: no, why?

Luna: it was always Hagrid fucking Charlie, not the other way around

Luna: I don’t think Hagrid was ever bottoming for anyone

Draco: you’re shitting me

Draco: *faking angry voice* it was all your fault, Potter!

Harry: *mockingly* sorry!

Draco: we will figure out something else

Draco: of course that hat won’t fit Hagrid’s giant head

Luna: half-giant

Draco: yeah whatever

Draco: thanks, babe, love ya

Luna: bye-bye, sweetie

Draco: so apparently we were both wrong and it is Charlie that gets railed by Hagrid

Harry: oof, that’s rather harsh

Draco: and stinky

Harry: don’t be like that

Draco: two loners licking each other’s asses, I mean imagine the smell of Hagrid’s boxers

Harry: not to mention the size of his dick

Draco: we should call him Charlie Bucket from now on

Harry: like that boy from Willy Wonka?

Draco: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about

Harry: Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory

Draco: please tell me that you’re joking or referring to some muggle bullshit and not making any eewy references for, you know, „butt chocolate”

Harry: gods no

Draco: oh great *sigh* oof

Harry: but I said he was a switch so I had that part right

Draco: half right gets you 2 gallons and a half of that bet

Harry: so, rounding down it’s 2 galleons and eight sickles?

Draco: yeah something like that

Harry: great, I will add it to my giant pile of gold

Draco: later, I don’t have my purse on me right now

Harry: it’s alright

Harry: you know, I never understood why the wizarding world hates metric system

Draco: you mean one ten hundred and so on?

Harry: yeah

Draco: it would be too easy

Harry: yeah I guess *opens Daily Prophet again and flips it 90 degrees to read an article*

Draco: so am I getting the vibe right and you don’t want that one half of a sickle being exchanged into a blowjob in a nearest future, honey?

Harry: half a sickle blowjob, that’s cheap even for you *puts the paper back on the table*

Draco: it’s a family discount

Harry: do you use it often?

Draco: does it matter?

Draco: it doesn’t wear out

Harry: of course if I took that half sickle bribe right now I would have to be paid in full

Draco: do you have any money on you right now?

Harry: I might have something in my pocket

Draco: check that back one too

Harry: oh look!

Harry: a five galleon banknote from that time when Hermione—

Draco: whatever! can I borrow it? I have to pay for a bet

Harry: sure thing, honey

Draco: thanks

Draco: so I have this five galleon banknote-check kinda thing and I was wondering if you’d like to get two blowjobs for that

Harry: am I paying one sickle for the first, and full price for the second?

Draco: you can’t get a family discount for two

Draco: house rules

Harry: which house?

Draco: house Malfoy rules

Harry: really?

Draco: what

Harry: it seems made up… do I have to call Lucius or Narcissa?

Draco: you can… or you can get a blowjob right now for free, regardless of the bet

Harry: family discount? A favour?

Draco: rape? extortion?

Harry: rape? I would have to notify the appropriate services

Draco: that’s true!

Harry: can I have my banknote back?

Draco: I think I will pay my lawyers with it

Harry: oh great, so I am left without the money, the blowjob and the girl?

Draco: I’m afraid so

Harry: that sucks! what am I supposed to do without the money?

Draco: you could give away sexual favours to people

Harry: like gay for pay? do you know anyone who could be interested?

Draco: I might know a guy or a gal

Harry: which is it?

Draco: does it matter?

Harry: I usually don’t have sex with the dudes, they make my butt itch when they’re too big

Draco: like Hagrid big?

Harry: I have never seen Hagrid’s dick

Harry: have you?

Draco: I know a guy who might get regularly teabagged by these giant ostrich’s eggs

Harry: lemme guess: Charlie Weasley

Draco: my gods, you’re right!

Harry: it was a lucky guess

Draco: I bet you could get a blowjob from a cool, sexy blonde if you just said „blueberries”

Harry: „blueberries”?

Draco: *kneels in front of him, bites his lower lip*

Harry: whoa

Draco: *smells his trousers*

Harry: listen cutie you better hurry, my husband is around and I don’t want this to escalate

Draco: *finds Harry’s dick in his pants and starts rubbing it*

Harry: does it mean I don’t have to pay for it? Is this the family discount?

Draco: *grabs Harry’s cock and starts licking it and purring like a cat*

Harry: jesus fuck I am raping a wizard woman I am going to jail

Draco: shut the fuck up, I am paying for that *takes it straight to the throat*

Harry: oh, so you’re that cute blonde girl that loves blueberries *grabs Draco’s neck and starts mouthfucking him*

Draco: *gulps Harry’s dick and cum*

Draco: *gasp* *gulp* aaahhh…

Harry: so that’s what you meant by sexual favours

Draco: *standing up from his knees* yeah

Harry: I could get used to it

Draco: I knew you would

Harry: if the money’s right

Draco: I could offer you two and a half galleon tops for this

Harry: why so little?

Draco: because you are inexperienced

Draco: but soon you might become a pro and people would send you dozens of galleons only for consideration of their needs

Harry: oh I like the sound of that!

Draco: I bet professor Snape would gladly pay a galleon or two for this pretty mouth and famously gorgeous eyes

Harry: I can suck a dick if necessary

Draco: if you get paid for sucking a dick you might become a millionaire one day

Harry: no, I already am a millionaire

Draco: you could double your budget

Harry: I could!

Draco: *pats his pocketless pencil dress* I still need to pay you these two galleons

Harry: yeah

Harry: I need that money

Draco: why, do you have plans for big spending?

Harry: I am taking my hubby to London to buy him the highest Loubs

Draco: oooh this sounds nice!

Draco: I heard they’re rather expensive

Harry: morbidly expensive

Harry: but he’s worth it

Draco: he’s so lucky to have you

Harry: I’m so lucky to have him

Harry: I just prostituted myself for him to be happy

Draco: did you?

Harry: yes, just then

Draco: you guys are adorable

Draco: wait here, I need to go to my purse for money to pay you, my little lover

Harry: I’ll wait here in the waiting room *grabs a newspaper again*

Draco: *walks away gracefully in heels, hips swinging*

Harry: oh my god

Draco: what

Harry: I have to call my husband

Draco: what happened?

Harry: I just saw your ass, baby, and I cannot continue my relationship with him

Harry: I need a divorce right now

Draco: *struts back to him and sits on his lap* will you take me on a journey all over the world?

Harry: yes, whatever you want, you sweetest piece of ass

Harry: I’m rich!

Draco: you know who said that?

Harry: who?

Draco: Charlie, to Hagrid

Harry: I bet he lied

Draco: about the rich part? probably

Harry: no, I mean about the sweetest part

Harry: because your ass is the sweetest

Draco: maybe to your knowledge my ass is the sweetest and to his knowing—Hagrid’s

Harry: what if he really washes his ass well and perfumes his ass fur?

Draco: what if he shaves his ass fur, leaving it shiny, spotless clean and virgin-pink sweet?

Harry: oh my god now I wanna taste it too!

Draco: so do I!

Harry: we gotta go, find Hagrid and suck his ass and balls!

Draco: I haven’t said anything about the balls

Harry: I just assumed that—

Draco: I am afraid of his balls, they seem scary

Draco: like their volume seems to be so large he just literally spurts ropes and cums buckets

Draco: what if he cums inside my open mouth and shoots all that sweet creamy pudding right into my stomach

Draco: what about my diet, then?

Harry: you’re right, honey, I am sorry

Harry: I didn’t think

Draco: I forgive you

Draco: we barely just met and I already love you

Harry: I think I will love you too soon enough

Draco: can we make it happen faster?

Harry: I’m afraid that we can’t

Draco: I have money

Harry: I’m listening…

Draco: how about I tried to convince you otherwise? *shows Potter his round butt with a pink hole ready for action*

Harry: I have a feeling I might get convinced later, now I am in a sceptic mood to be honest

Draco: it’s fine, it’s still early

Draco: so tomorrow we’re going to London, yes?

Harry: of course

Draco: let’s take Hermione along with us

Harry: I can’t see why not

Draco: we could ask her about Hagrid’s balls

Draco: I bet she emptied them at least once

Harry: great idea!

Draco: thanks! *goes back to reading magazine*

Harry: *grabs Daily Prophet and continues reading the article*

Draco: I love these lazy Sunday mornings

Harry: so do I, baby

Harry: so do I

[the-way-astray]

Is Cassius a better dad than quan?

i’m not really a fan of trauma comparison, since saying one person’s trauma is worse often implies that the other person doesn’t deserve as much sympathy and stuff. having said that i think this ask is interesting so i’ll answer it anyway. also unraveled spoilers will follow

my opinion is that quan is absolutely a worse father than cassius. cassius was an emotional abuser, never a physical one, and he did damage mainly by forcing keefe to be someone he didn’t want to be and through comparison tactics. but he was always there for keefe in a purely physical sense. i would not consider cassius to be negligent (his problem is actually the opposite, he cares too much about keefe, just not in the right way). when keefe ran away to the neverseen, he told sophie to tell keefe he’d always have a home with him and that if keefe wanted to come back it would just take the word. he stalked keefe in nightfall to make sure he wasn’t sleeping on the streets. he helped keefe in unraveled, made it easier for him to make it in the forbidden cities and convinced bronte to give him the pathfinder map, which wasn’t easy. most of these were done because he wanted to preserve his reputation, but i can at least say with medium confidence that cassius would never neglect keefe or purposefully, intentionally put him in a situation where he was in real, life-threatening danger. the bar is in hell but hey. he meets it

unraveled also makes it clear that cassius is only forcing keefe to be what he wants him to be out of fear that his son will become a pariah if he continues down his current path. doesn’t justify his actions, but explains them. but there’s something there, and he truly loves keefe for him, not for who he wants him to be, for his pranks and art and stuff, as evidenced by legacy. he’s still horrible and keefe should never live with him again or forgive him. but there’s something there. at least

quan, on the other hand, doesn’t even appear to care for his children’s basic safety and physical well-being. he’s perfectly willing to toss linh aside to potentially die in a forest somewhere as long as he can pass tam off as an only child, and even if she didn't die, he probably knew that she'd be starving most days and sleeping in uncomfortable locations most nights. he clearly only cares about his kids in a “what can they do for me?” sense, as shown by when he asks tam if it’s true that he’s a hero in lodestar (actually i think that was mai but the point still stands, because i assume he agrees with the sentiment). he locks tam in his room for three days for spilling paint and, if i'm not wrong, it's implied that he didn't feed tam at all during this period. he does not give one single shit about anything tam or linh do or have been through. at the very least cassius is at least interested in updates on keefe's life and situation, even if he isn't proactively asking or worrying about him like a real good parent would, as evidenced by when fitz tells him about keefe's state in unlocked. but quan doesn't even meet that already incredibly low standard. he does not give one single shit whatsoever. he appears three times physically in the entire series, once by chance, once likely only because he was contacted by the council, and once because tam approached him for help he was reluctant to give. not a single shit given at all . . . tam or linh could probably die and he'd be none the wiser. truly the bottom of the barrel. in terms of non-violent elf abuse, you can't get much worse than him

hopefully this doesn't turn into a huge discourse thing because i don't want people to argue back and forth about which abusive father between the two shitty abusive fathers is worse because it's a pointless debate. they both suck and are bad. but this ask was interesting so i thought i'd answer it. but i swear to god i had better not see like four posts in the kotlc tag debating who's worse after i post this . . . i can't stop you but i also think the difference is so irrelevant it's barely even worth talking about and certainly not worth discoursing about

[carooosa]

A Chance to be Normal

Word count: 2.3k Rating: Fluff/Hurt Pairing: Ascended Astarion x GN Resist Durge/Reader  Warnings: None AO3 link: A Chance to be Normal

Summary: After the Absolute has been defeated, Astarion wishes to fulfill your every desire. However, he didn't expect your desires to be so pedestrian.

A/N: This is literally the day after The Absolute has been killed. I’m going with the Vampire bride/husband theory, however I’m slightly changing it. Since Astarion has yet to fully understand and grasp his power, he isn’t able to fully extend all of the blessings that came with Ascension to you. This can be read by itself or as a prequel to the other works in my "Bound by You: Love is Power, Love is Weakness" series. Also yes this was part of a February fic prompt and yes it is now March. Life sucks sometimes ok.

“Just one day of normalcy.”

That’s the only thing you requested when Astarion asked what you’d like to do now that the Absolute was banished. He had been prepared for you to ask for anything in the world. You seemed hell-bent on taking revenge on any remaining Bhaalists, although you were worried that you may see familiar faces and turn back into your ‘Slayer-form’. You were ready to jump into Avernus with Wyll and Karlach, but a shared whisper between the three of you ended with them plunging into the hells together and you staying behind.

He meant it when he’d said, “Of course, my love. Anything you want, you shall have.” 

Even for a creature with such immeasurable power, what you desired was trivial in comparison.

Although, he would have to admit that the last month was more adventure than he had ever wished for. Perhaps a day of being a normal elf and a normal tiefling would be a nice change of pace.

When he tried to question what you wanted to do with the day, you simply smiled and whispered, “It's a surprise.”

And a surprise it would be. 

He wakes to hear you frantically running about the room you’re staying in at the Elfsong. You’re mumbling something to yourself before starting to giggle like a school kid. He turns on his side and opens his eyes, only for you to screech at him and slap your hand against his face to obscure his vision. “What are you doing awake?!” you shrill at Astarion.

He tries to gently remove your hand from his eyes, but you retaliate by placing your other hand on top of the first and pushing against him harder. 

“Darling,” he says with a breathy chuckle. “It’s hard to stay asleep with you running around like you’re covered in timmask spores.” Although he can’t see it, he assumes by the way that you fidget that your cheeks acquired a deep blush. 

He takes one of your hands and brings it down to his lips, placing his lips against your palm as he speaks into it. “My pet, what’s got you acting so strangely this morning?” 

Your hand flexes against him and for a second he thinks you’re going to relent. If there’s one thing about you that’s true, though, it’s that you’re as stubborn as a donkey (although Astarion would never say it to your face lest you unleash your ‘gift’ onto him).

“I told you last night,” you respond with a cheeky grin. “It’s a surprise.”

“Very well,” Astarion says while letting your hand drop. “If it must be so, then I suppose I’ll have no choice but to surrender.” 

He grimaces at the words as soon as he says them. He’ll need to keep his tongue in check upon returning to the Crimson Palace; it wouldn’t do to let anyone think there’s someone with power over him.

“Thank you.” You clear your throat before rummaging through the nightstand next to the bed and moving your hand so that only one of Astarion’s eyes is covered. “I still have some prep that I need to finish but I can’t trust you to not peek, so I’m gonna blindfold you.” Astarion smirks at you and raises his uncovered eyebrow. “Does your day of normalcy include a certain kind of exercise?” 

His eye flares at you, and in response, you blush even harder. You shake your head violently at his implication, and he can’t help the genuine smile that forms on his lips. For someone who thoroughly enjoyed his body, you were quite shy whenever he teased you.

“No, I have something special planned. It has to be a surprise though.”

He thinks for a second that he may continue to rile you up, but ultimately he decides against it. This ‘day of normalcy’ was the only thing you asked from him, and what kind of lord would he be if he couldn’t grant his consort’s first wish? 

So with a dramatic sigh, he says, “Alright, get on with it.”

Your other hand falls from his face to hold the handkerchief and he waits for the fabric to wrap around his eyes but it never comes. Instead, you’re focusing intensely on the blindfold, rolling the fabric between your fingers. He’s about to ask what’s wrong when you answer before he has the chance to.

“Do you trust me?” you ask him, your eyes round and full of vulnerability. 

You always asked these questions at the strangest of times. How could he say no? If anything, you were the only being he trusted. 

You could have killed him two tenday ago back in the Shadow-Cursed Lands in order to ‘fulfill your Bhaal-spawn duties’, but you didn’t. 

You could have forced him to drink from that blood Drow to gain a powerful potion, but you didn’t. 

You could have left him to perish in his old master’s ritual, but you didn’t. 

You stayed, you released him from the ritual and helped him to ascend instead. And later that night, you gave over your life.

You were so, so selfless and devoted to him. You could have stabbed him in the back many times, but you stayed by his side. 

It was quite foolish on your end, honestly. 

Astarion didn’t have much before the ritual, and even though he’s now the Vampire Ascendant, all he has is that empty mansion. All of the old servants were either dead or had escaped into the shadows, leaving behind a mess that would take days to clean up. Astarion Ancunín was unknown amongst the elite, nothing but a whisper of a pretty face with a nice body. 

Yet…for some untold reason, he was all you wanted.

It's been a few seconds since you asked Astarion the question, and you fidget beneath his silence. He plasters on a confident smirk to hide his insecurity, answering in the only way he knows how. 

“More than anything in the world,” he whispers. 

Grabbing your hands, he places a kiss on your knuckles before lifting them up to his eyes to put the blindfold on, and his world goes dark.

After you finish preparing your surprise and help Astarion get dressed, you lead him out of the tavern and around the bustling noise of celebrations in the town. All the while, he’s still wearing the blindfold. You pull him along, weaving in and out amongst the crowd. He’s not able to do much whenever he bumps into someone, and he’s convinced he must look the part of a bumbling idiot.

Suddenly, you yank him hard to the side and continue on as the noise from the city fades. The sounds and smells of nature start to flood Astarion’s senses when you stop moving without warning and he stumbles into you.

“My love, can I please take this wretched thing off?” Astarion whines. He’s unable to see your reaction and you don’t answer, but he can still smell your scent so he knows you’re nearby. He waits a few more seconds before asking, “Darling? Are you there?”

His newly beating undead heart starts to quicken as all he’s met with is silence. Has something happened to you? You were just pulling him along not even a minute ago, surely you were fine. 

But what if you weren’t? 

What if in the one moment he let down his guard you had been taken, or worse? 

He’s about to rip off the blindfold from panic when he feels your presence behind him removing the handkerchief.

As his eyes adjust to the brightness of the sun, you let out a big “Surprise!” before wrapping your arms around him. 

On the ground in front of him is a red blanket with golden lace trim; arranged on it are two glasses filled with an expensive champagne, an ornate plate stacked with chocolate-covered strawberries in a precise circular pattern, and a single rose in a small glass vase.

Astarion lets out a sigh of relief and kneels down to the arrangement on the blanket. “What’s this?” he asks while looking up at you.

There’s a smile plastered on your face and your eyes are full of pride. He realizes that he hasn’t seen what you’re wearing yet and his eyes trail down to your body. You’re wearing a simple outfit that’s the same color as the blanket, and looking at himself, the same color of his shirt as well. It’s not something he would have picked out for the two of you (as it’s far too plain), but since this was a day for blending in, he supposes it’ll do.

“This,” you say while plopping down next to Astarion, “is a picnic!” 

He laughs at your straightforward response and he can’t help but admire the blush that spreads on your cheeks. You stick out your bottom lip in a fake pout and cross your arms.

Astarion wraps his arms around you and pulls you into a tight embrace while whispering soothing words in your ear. “My sweetness, you never cease to make me smile. I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing with you.” You push him away with an eye roll. “I wasn’t laughing, Lord Ancunín.” Astarion tuts his tongue at that response. “Ah, ah, ah. Today I’m just Astarion.”

You quickly envelop his face with your hands and move closer so that your lips are just out of reach from his. Your eyes are full of love as you say, “My Astarion.”

His mouth goes dry at your proclamation. 

Was he really yours? If he was, would that be a bad thing? 

Of course, he would need to make sure that no one ever found out just how deep the bond was between the two of you, lest they use it against him. Or worse yet, they use it against you. His thoughts begin to race but before he can spiral into his insecurities, you snap him back to the present with a gentle kiss on his nose.

Astarion blinks once and you smile, grabbing a strawberry and holding it up to his mouth. 

“Open,” you say while pressing the fruit against his lips. 

He obliges and takes a bite of the fruit, staring at you as you watch him intently. The flavors dance in his mouth, the bitterness of the dark chocolate melting on his tongue combines with the sweetness of the strawberry to taste like pure bliss. It’s been centuries since he tasted food that didn’t immediately cause bile to form in his throat.

You fidget from his silence. “You haven't had anything other than blood in over two centuries, so I thought I'd share my favorite food with you. Although saying that out loud, I probably should have asked what your favorite food was instead of –” 

Astarion cuts off your rambling with a hungry kiss, pushing his tongue against your lips. You let him in and almost immediately you push him away, retching and coughing. 

“I-I’m sorry, let me just get something to drink,” you hurriedly reassure him as you grab a glass and drink some of the champagne. 

You spit out the drink and begin to retch just as before.

Astarion quickly jumps to your side and reaches out to rub your back but hesitates for a moment, looking around to see if anyone else is watching. Noticing that no one is nearby, he begins to rub soothing circles against your back, similar to how he noticed you comfort others during the last few months. Tears threaten to spill out from the corners of your eyes; whether it be from the pain or from something else, he’s not sure.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asks while peering over to look closer at you.

It takes you a few more seconds to catch your breath before you respond. “The taste… it’s horrid.”

Astarion’s head begins to spin at the revelation. When he was just a mere spawn, anything other than blood tasted vile. But you weren’t a spawn, you were more. You were his consort; hells, you drank some of his blood. Maybe it wasn’t enough blood, maybe you needed more of his life source flowing through you.

Or maybe he wasn’t as powerful as he originally thought.

Yes, he was able to protect you from the sun, however, it wasn’t to the extent of total invulnerability. You were only able to last under the direct rays for a few hours before your skin would start to simmer and bubble. It was a bittersweet end to the celebration of the Absolute’s defeat. 

In exchange for your complete devotion, Astarion had stolen your freedom in the sun.

How many more of his weaknesses would afflict you? Your reflection was still visible, but without the need to traverse through moving water or eat food, it hadn’t crossed his mind that you were affected in negative ways.

His inner monologue is cut short as you still his comforting arm on your back. “I’m okay, really. Why don’t you enjoy the treats I brought? We wouldn’t want to make my time out in the sun today to be for nothing, would we?” 

You look at your love with a heartbreakingly pitiful smile.

While he has always admired your strength, he could feel the sorrow emitting from you. Quite literally, he was overwhelmed with a sadness unlike his own. His stomach began to twist in knots and the edges of his eyes became damp. 

“No, we wouldn’t want to do anything of the sort.” He plastered on that fake smile of his and looked into your soulless eyes, your mind miles away as he agreed. “Come, darling, lay your head on my lap.”

The rest of the picnic was quiet, and later that night once you both returned to the Elfsong, Astarion impatiently waited for you to fall asleep. Once he was sure you wouldn’t stir, he quickly scribbled a correspondence to Waterdeep. If he was going to protect you, he needed to have more power, and there seemed to be a saying about knowledge leading to power.

Special thanks to @starryjuicebox and @enterthedreams for helping me finish this fic!

[moonblossom7]

(Aged up) Percabeth as your parents headcanons

Genre:fluff/comfort

-reader is adopted

-gender neutral reader

A/N: this is rlly kinda stupid but it's cute I think.

🍼 Toddler years(~1-4)

- Percy is great with kids, obviously, but he's rlly worried that you'd get into something while his back was turned so he's CONSTANTLY watching you. Can't get away with anything.

-stay at home dad Percy is so real, actually

- Annabeth likes reading you bedtime stories, even though she struggles with it

- they're both of the opinion that Disney has gone down hill, but they take you to the cinema every time a new movie comes out.

- Annabeth gets stressed out a lot about whether or not they make you feel like you belong, since she knows how much it sucks to feel alone within your own family, and she thinks it's gotta be even worse since you're adopted (that worry never really went away)

-  Percy made "monster spray" for when you're scared of the dark.

🖍️ Little kid (5-8)

- Annabeth takes you on museum trips a lot. It's important for kids to experience things, and of course she has to pick something the both of you like

- Percy cried like an actual baby when you lost your first tooth. He didn't expect something like that to effect him, but how could it not? You're growing up and it's happening a lot faster than he thought it would.

- loyal customers at your imaginary restaurant. (Yk those play kitchens with the plastic food? Those.)

- very emotional about the little art projects you bring home from school. They can rarely bring themselves to throw any away,so they have a little tote to keep them in when the fridge gets too crowded.

-speaking of school, you are very much THAT kid. The one with the character pen cases and the sparkly folders and notebooks with that Lisa Frank dolphin on them. (I WANTED ONE SO BAD!!) Percy and Annabeth decided you could only have the absolute best stuff.

- around this time they explain the whole gods, monsters, demigods thing. You had already met Grover and Tyson and some of your parents' demigod friends,so you knew some of it, but up till now they'd never fully explained.

🎮big kid (9-12)

-at this point, Percy is officially banned from helping you with homework. He's one of those "math is math, that's still the right answer!" dads, so when you got to the age where you had to learn and use different methods he noped out. Annabeth takes over from that point.

- if you get into sports, obviously they're your biggest fans. They show up to every game, they give your friends a ride home from practice, they probably wear those cringey T-shirts with shit like "soccer mom/dad" printed across the front in mismatched fonts. Percy's probably even an assistant coach. (Bonus for my softball girlies: Annabeth is totally the type to give you cool braids with the team colors weaved in)

- Again Percy cried over you loosing teeth. But this is your last baby tooth! You aren't little at all anymore! (It's even worse for him if you don't believe in the tooth fairy anymore by then)

- alas,the time has come. The last Christmas you believe in Santa. You told them they didn't have to put the elf up that year, that's how they found out. It caught Annabeth totally off guard. She'd tried to be very sneaky and very clever about maintaining the Christmas magic.

- you're having a Minecraft phase rn(everyone does at this point, don't fight it) and Annabeth is THRILLED. she doesn't play many video games, but she does like Minecraft and Animal Crossing,so she was so excited to have that in common with you. She gets especially excited about all the houses you build even though they're really basic at first.

📱Teen (13-19)

-went very all out on your 13th,16th, and 18th birthday. So much food, and confetti and probably invited all of their friends on top of everyone you invited. (For my summer birthday friends: paid for you and your friends to go to the water park for at least one of those,on top of everything else they had planned)

- very chill about your first partner, actually. I know that a lot of parents aren't, but I honestly don't see Percy and Annabeth being the track your phone and shotgun prom pictures type. As long as your partner was respectful and treated you well, they had no reason to be upset.

-coming back to the sports thing, Percy would be upset if you got to be embarrassed by them going to your games and stuff now. It happens for some kids, obviously (and him and Annabeth have gotten a lot more excited and a little obnoxious about everything the better you got), but he'd be upset that he's not cool anymore.

- proms and homecoming dances are such a big deal. They never really went to any school dances, unless you count when they were trying to find Nico and Bianca, so they're super interested in yours. They want you to have a good time, but they definitely might be projecting a little bit.

- On that note, for my long haired friends, Annabeth totally does your hair for you for those events. I personally think most Athena kids are good at doing hair, since weaving is part of Athena's whole thing and like doing complex hairstyles definitely requires that, and  Annabeth would really enjoy that bonding experience.

- Percy originally wanted to be the one to teach you to drive, but you scared him so many times that he couldn't be alone in a car with you for a long time. Everyone makes mistakes while they're learning, and he's usually a brave guy, but it's a million times scarier now that it's you. Maybe he's just worried about you getting hurt.  Maybe he doesn't want to have to pay for any repairs. Could be both.

- your graduation was so emotionally devastating for them. Gods, they're just so damn proud of you. Highschool isn't as easy as some people make it seem,and even if it was, it's still such a big deal. And it was also so bittersweet because you really aren't a kid  anymore, and they're so excited for you to experience the adult world, but they also miss their little baby.

-also,if you go to a school that lets you decorate your cap,I just know they'd want to help. Obviously they'd follow whatever your idea was but I could see y'all being an arts and crafts family, y'know?

- I don't wanna say that Annabeth has earned a reputation that could get you into any colleges without much effort because I don't think she'd let you get away with not trying, but like...if she wasn't like that, you could.

-also, they'd be really chill if you didn't want to go to college,as long as you were doing something safe and that makes you happy. They know that extra school isn't for everyone and they also know there's a lot of jobs that don't need any degree that can make more money than jobs that do (not that money's all that matters, but it's a good motivator.)

A/N(number 2):Lord I love thinking about Percy and Annabeth getting to have a nice normal-ish life. Let me know if u guys have any specific scenarios you wanna see with parental Percabeth,I get such a hit of nostalgia and happiness from this dynamic

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Here I am back with some hot takes about what I, personally, would do in the BG3 universe were I yeeted into it and forced to be... the Main Character

First of all, I love the idea of having played the game before getting sucked into the world because it adds a layer of horror that I don't think would even benefit you one bit. Knowing exactly what's going to go down would be DISABLINGLY horrific.

But OK. OK, so let's say I'm there. And I get granted like, main character abilities. Sorcerer makes the most sense cause like, you just HAVE powers. Gucci. We good.

I would gay panic the minute I met Shadowheart. Sorry. End of world what? Half elf with twinkling eyes and a swaying braid just told me to be her leader. Im- hghhh

Laezel I honestly think I could hold my own against. When it comes to fight or flight I am a flightless bird and her particular brand of bullying in the first act I know I could assert myself.

Gale... besties. I married my partner partially because I love info dump. As a kid I watched a movie about robots who rich people had in their homes like a Google or a Alexa but human shaped and you could ask them questions all day and I was like, I want one. Gales that guy. I wanna listen all day. But if he fell in love with me I'd be so mad 😠 no, wizard. Sit down and tell me fun facts. No thirsting.

Because I'm traumatized with a deep desire to feel safe I think I'd gravitate to Wyll a lot for organizing the camp, spending time together, easing fears, etc. He's also really safe to physically be around so I can see myself being quick to instigate hugs and stuff. No getting a crush on me tho, Wyll, no. Down boy.

Karlach probably would intimidate me more than Laezel. Lemme just say, not because she's bad, but because she's a firecracker. Her explosive rage in her personal quest would probably have me hanging back but then when we get back to camp we'd be chill pretty quick

I'd be all over Halsin because he'd make me feel safe, also. I have this thing about safety. He's also so concerned with the shadow curse I wouldn't worry about his crush at all but would very much enjoy his warm presence by the fireside

At the Goblin Party, I guarantee I'd not sleep with Astarion, mostly because HOW he comes on to you would be a big nope for me. Gale with his "pay attention to only me tonight or else I'm not gonna show u a magic trick would have me being like k bye, I'd comfort Wyll and give him space, I'd walk past Karlach and wish her well partying, I'd ignore Laezel and if she told me I smell good sweaty I'd go bathe in the lake.

In fact, sorry, but I am NOT engaging in a big party until after I get a bath at the druid camp. Maybe I saved the tieflings just to be able to make them make me a hot bath. I'm just saying.

I'm walking into that party CLEAN and I'll sit with Shadowheart at the waterfall and I wouldn't be allowed to drink because I'm sober 😭 but I think my entire horny ass party would be very disappointed

Then I'd go and dance like an absolute hoe on a rock to let off steam in the middle of camp, still sober, and pass out by the fire.

[noxspost]

Ares child! Runaan headcanons

his family and their names

The head is his Alma (meaning grandma in this world) her name is ruby

His mamá named Marta a dark skin Moonshadow elf who Ares loves dearly

Step-mamá is Lucia

Then the three siblings

azulado

Zani

Junia

his Tia and tio

his Tià is Lyure a sweet chubby earthborn

His tio is Westso a Moonshadow elf who doesn't like the fact his nephew is a bastard meaning a child born from sex of two unmarried consenting adults. well in this case two consenting adults

when Marta died from a herbology lesson gone terrible runaan was set to his grandpa's place in silver grove. ares heard that and then intercepted that plan because runan's Grandpa's place absolutely sucks.

that guy is a raging alcoholic who is then sent to be banished three days after Ares intercepted and collected his kid. Deimos and harmonica or also with ares when they officially met runaan in the flesh. Lyure sent him off with his other pair of pure white vulture feathers that have been stained with deer blood (A mixture of Red Beetle dye dust and red yew berry juice) with him and a bag.

Runaan at camp half blood (demigods can live to be 450~ most mostly get it to about 290 before a demigod monster or their own ego kills them)

He was the age when he came to the camp of 12 and Ares claimed him after a week and half.

He is the most wild and gremlin child when he was young. Clarisse had to hold him back when he saw how terrible annabeth and Luke looked like when no other people had tried to help Grover bring the kids to safety and and how if someone actually did that thatalia would still be alive and wouldn't have to be freed from the tree.

he was the first to trust Selena again for he had seen how desperate a lot of the demigods were to change how they were treated of course he still wasn't very much angry son of a bitch but he did recover he did cope and get over the fact she betrayed everyone after he kind of had a sparring session with Clarisse where they absolute weight absolutely went Ham on each other.

Ares also knocked sense into him and kept his distance from all his kids when he was being mind controlled by Kronos.

Runaan was the one who was Perseus when they both confronted the Gods more like confronted Zeus and several others who were continuing to threaten and stop everyone from seeing their kids. That was runaan who called him out on stopping Ares and athena from seeing their kids.

Athena kids often were harassing him which got Clarisse on their back and she didnt care if she was hated by them. so they did not fully realize why till after the war he barely forgave any of them Annabeth was the only one he fully forgave.

he help the Stoll brothers in pranks and smuggling Immortal items into the camp since he was able to turn invisible every full moon so they really had a lot of them or taboo and Contraband filtered into the camp through runaan on every full moon.

he often could be found in the woods climbing and scaling the tall trees with the nymphs behind them. He would tell the unclaimed kids stories with the use of his magic around the camp bonfire. He often wore his feathers with pride as he wanted to make his dead mother Marta proud of him.

he comes from the black soil tribe of Moonshadow elves who now are a permanent residence in the wilderness of Issylra. They valued all lot of past values that were practical to keep with them.

Often they do use blood magic more for healing and hunting. They do eat meat but mostly fish and poultry. Vultures are held in high regards same with several of the Scavengers because they keep the land and the water supply clean from any bacteria that could be on carcasses that have diseases. Moonshadow elves are primarily Artisan crafts trade Folk and scavengers.

They can forge for about anything you would ever need that does include thievery as well but they have standards.

Sarai met ethari and rhnaan when Gaia woke up and they had to make sure that Gaia and the giants didn't come after zadia.

Runaan did meet the group vox machina after the Gaia and giant war and that was when lain and taidrin were newly married about 2 years before rayla was born.

three tribes that were remaining after the entire conflicts between the Moon Shadow Elves and the Sunfire elves left them very much weaken.

They were told by the same dragon who ratted out Aaravos's daughter to be in the shadow forest that Forest bleeds into feywilds, and it bleeds into Zadia that way. so yeah that's essentially what happened the pulling of the Moonshadow elves from their homes and the destroying of their Nexus is similar to the Trail of Tears, both the fact of the moonshadows being pulled from their homes and the humans being kicked to the West.

But you see some Moonshadow elves do remain in the west side of Xadia they have adapted to live underground harnessing their Moon Arcana that they need for through the ability of getting Moonlight to go through crystals and there also being a giant massive lake underground which provides them a new suface for the moon Nexus.

that is in the desert area same with the kingdom with the giant elephant on it. that's where they are that's where they live the illusion that keeps the humans from falling in or anyone else from dying from hitting the water or from seeing the fact that there's an entire Moonshadow colony underneath is really strong and permanent.

So no one's going to like step on top of that illusion and fall through similar to the spell that gave a three-legged wolf a chance to have four legs.

Also when the two wars ended his half-siblings harmonica and Anteros came to stay with him and ethari in silver Grove. He does return back before the events of the main series to his old home and visit his family but westso still as cold as ever.

Black soil tribe is Mexican and Brazilian inspired that is still being a work in progress and this tribe was thought of before this AU was fully made.

Same with the underground two Moonshadow elf colonies.

[crystalelemental]

So I guess you don’t have much positive to say about Stranger of Paradise, particularly it amounting to the Garland backstory no one asked for. Also, if you don’t like 7, which I understand as being one of the most loved games in Final Fantasy, then is there ANY Final Fantasy you would define as “good?”

Oh man. Stranger of Paradise fucking rules. I haven't played it, but I watched a playthrough of it after seeing the Bullshit scene and reading a synopsis and thinking this would be the most cringe shit ever and telling my wife we absolutely had to watch this, and for most of the game it definitely pushes into an earnest "this is so goofy I can't hate it but it's certainly not quality," but then you hit the pivot and it's like am I having feelings about fucking Astos the dark elf right now? That game exceeded every expectation. Jack Garland is unironically cool as hell.

Anyway, there are others, but more under the cut because unfortunately I am in a chatty mood today.

I think part of my answer to this has to come with the caveat of "I've mostly played re-released that made the games substantially more accessible, so if you're asking whether I think any are good it's like...yes but also no."

I think Final Fantasy XII is the best one. I think the story is fantastic, I love the cast, I think Vaan is out of the way enough to not really be a problem, I think the world itself is really neat, I think the concepts for Gambits are a lot of fun to set up and see run. I also think if I tried to play a version of it that isn't The Zodiac Age and had to deal with everyone having the same grid and no speed up function I would stab myself, and even with the updates all the weird MMO-esque low drop rates for certain items in chests is extremely intolerable, into a really poorly designed superboss fight in Yiazmat. Though the phrase "poorly designed superboss" applies to like. Every Final Fantasy superboss.

Except 5's, which I think are legitimately fun and interesting. Five is probably the one I consider the highest quality. Despite being goofy, it's honestly got a really poignant narrative, and an extremely endearing cast. The class system is divine, and I love the creativity available in its systems. I hated it as a kid when I sucked at video games because holy shit is this game kinda hard, but now it's an easy favorite.

I really respect 3. Not the DS version so much, but the pixel remaster actually made me fall in love with the game. It's less refined than 5, and I think it very strongly railroads you into like five actually useful class options, but it's a really fun and very streamlined experience, and the transition from the initial overworld to the Boundless Ocean just really impacted me personally, I think that's a great reveal.

I like four, but I don't think it's good, that's just pure nostalgia. I really latched on to Rydia as a kid, and I thought Cecil having to fight his Dark Knight self and winning only by refusing to fight while the Dark Knight used its HP sacrifice move until it KO'd itself was peak ludonarrative. It's still really good. I just also have to be honest that a lot did not favor it as I aged.

FF1 is pure neutral, because it's not really doing much to have a strong feeling in any particular direction. It's fine. Pixel remaster is the best iteration because you can turn off encounters, turn on 4x EXP and gold, and just boss run the entire game, improving it immensely.

FF2 sucks, but I will admit some story beats are, in my opinion, wildly under-appreciated. You kill the emperor and he conquers hell and comes back. That rules.

FF6 and FF7, the beloveds of the series, are lukewarm for me. FF7 I haven't played recently enough to fully articulate why, I just can't remember anything interesting going on from when I played it way back when, and I am personally less invested in SciFi, which is what that game feels like to me more than fantasy. My wife would probably tell me it's urban fantasy, but the point remains: I want my fantasy to be vaguely old timey. FF6 is a very well crafted narrative that I think takes zero risks on anything. I think it's so well loved because it didn't really push anyone to consider anything they didn't already believe, which is why people think it's super powerful that Celes and Terra, the only two adult women in a cast of 14 playable characters, start to understand their human heart by finding the most boring hetero romance partner or adopting children. Also everything Kefka is about what Exdeath was about, but Exdeath is cooler. "Oh but Kefka doesn't have any kind of sympathetic backstory to-" he kinda does, they explain he was subject to Cid's experiments and that broke his mind. Even if you don't count it, Exdeath doesn't even get that, he's just evil for its own sake. I don't think either of these are bad, only that I don't remember enjoying 7 much, and having recently replayed 6, was not as dazzled as most seem to be.

Listen. I cannot tell you about FF8's plot. I just think about the word "junctioning" and start convulsing. I hate that system so much. I hate that levels scale to Squall's level, so the best way to play is to never kill anything but convert them to cards for the stupid minigame, then use good cards to earn more good cards to convert to spells to junction to stats. I couldn't beat the final boss when I played normally and reached level cap, because I didn't junction all the best spells at 100 uses. I had to restart and play to the junctioning in the slowest, worse grind I've ever known. There's probably a midpoint somewhere that makes the game tolerable but I do not know it. It's the only one I legitimately don't know how people can enjoy. Even 2 has some nonsense going for it, but 8 I cannot remember a single positive memory of.

FF9 was fine, I actually remember liking the general story (apparently I have an affinity for "kinda goofy but very sincere"), but as mentioned, that game solidified my general stance of "Do not ever split the party on me I will kill you." Because they took Garnet at a critical moment, leaving me with no healer, relying on Potions when we barely had money because you can't sell equipment because it has unique skills to pass on, but you can't really grind money either because you'd take damage negating what you earned anyway, until you can push far enough without issue to get Quina and figure out how to learn White Wind, and I hated that entire section so much. Maybe it's not as bad now that I'm older and can take it. But the memory burns within me.

FF10 is really fun to play for the main campaign despite being best described as "immature" on a story level. It's a shame about postgame being the most extreme and tedious grind-fest out there with completely shitty superbosses.

I never played past 12. My step-brothers had a PS2 so I got 10 and 12, with 10 kinda being my entry point, but when the console upgrades happened we didn't get the PS3, so I didn't keep up with 13 onward. I have seen tidbits of 16 and am not impressed. I could not tell you a singular detail about 15 despite knowing I've seen things. No one ever had a positive thing to say when 13 came out, but recently I hear a lot of defense for it but couldn't tell you why.

Anyway, call it contrarian, because I am severely so, but I don't think something qualifies as "good" because popular consensus says so. I think even the games I don't like have merit, and there's a reason that they resonate with people, but I'm not about to defend something that I don't enjoy or find as profound. There are a few Final Fantasy games I consider really good, but they are...definitely not the ones most people agree on.

[beaubambabey]

Now that I've finished BG3, I have Thoughts

I had to turn my beautiful first Tav Mr. Robbie Roh-Tane aka the time I accidentally made Shadowheart her very own big brother and got too attached and made up a backstory where he went off to bard college to bring smiles to the children of Faerûn because he found joy and purpose in making his little sister laugh but came back to find his family home massacred and his family nowhere to be found which led him to a sad slippery slope where he used drugs to cope for decades until the nautiloid forced him into the Absolute's rehab program and then proceeded to role-play as this strange reunited sibling dynamic... into a mind flayer. which is so fucked up

Robbie aka Rhysander who I will proceed to call Rhys for the rest of this post was made to look pretty and convince people to not fight him. This meant he was Not Very Good At Not Dying which is Bad

Rhys and Astarion broke up after the brain went down because I didn't want to force Astarion to stay with a mind flayer who's slowly losing himself when he came into this relationship for a pretty boy half-elf that championed personal freedoms above all else and encouraged him to think about what he wanted. Which is Fucked

THE FACT. THAT IN A GAME WITH SO MANY CHOICES. IT CAME DOWN TO BECOMING A MIND FLAYER. OR LETTING THE ONLY HOPE OF AN ENSLAVED PEOPLE BECOME FOOD FOR A MIND FLAYER. OR MAKING SAID HOPE BECOME A MIND FLAYER. IS F U C K E D

LIKE. Fuck The Emperor man.

Why can't you manipulate him back this fucking sucks

He was LITERALLY BALDURAN HIMSELF. HE FOUNDED THIS LITTLE HELLHOLE. HE WAS A HERO ONCE AND HE FUCKED OVER THE PEOPLE WHO CARED ABOUT HIM IN THE SERVICE OF MORE ILLITHID POWER AND NOW YOU TOO CAN CONTINUE THE CYCLE YAY FUN FUN

Like yeah I know you can pretend you're still yourself after all this time even as a mind flayer and that you're not gonna make the same mistakes but like??? Y'all

I personally think it would be cool to have come to a compromise with The Emperor where he can eat as many Absolutist brains as he wants on his way up and we help him dominate the Netherbrain but Orpheus goes free but that's just me and my love of No Sacrifices Here Except Your Own Ego

Like honey. It's not my fault the Elder Brain evolved with the addition of an incredibly powerful magical artifact. That's just gonna happen whether we like it or not

I cried when Lae'zel thanked Rhys for his sacrifice. That felt so fucking meaningful and made it all worth it. For a while at least

Maybe I should've put more worms in my brain. Would I still have needed to go full illithid if I became part illithid with the Astral-Touched Tadpole? Much To Think About

It's really sweet that Halsin would still willingly kiss your squiddy face. I love him. Thanks, Daddy Halsin. May you and your nine cartloads of kids you adopted live a long and peaceful life

I cried every time someone hugged Rhys as a mind flayer. It must be such a lonely existence, becoming a monster and cutting off contact with the people you've come to care deeply for.

Shadowheart's ending where she and her parents build a little homestead with so many animals is so cute. She's so happy and delightful. I would become a squid a million times over to give that to her

In roleplay context, it's so bittersweet if you think about being reunited with your sister and parents only to have to stay away from them so you don't subject them to the monster you've become. They live their happy life together and you steer clear of it because you can't bring yourself to ruin it by staying long enough for the hunger to catch up to you. But when you come to the reunion party six months later, the sister you've searched for through the fugue state your loss put you in, the one you saw in every child you've saved, who fought by your side this whole time while you unwittingly mourned her, who you rebuilt your sibling relationship with during this adventure, finally gets to know the parents you got to know. Finally gets to live as herself and be happy and free. And she hugs you sweetly, in spite of your monstrous appearance. She got to have a big brother to protect her when it mattered most, and now she's grown enough to walk her own path in life. I couldn't be happier.

I ran out of inspiration points trying to dominate the brain like an IDIOT and couldn't feasibly convince Gale to NOT become a God. Poor Tara. Poor Mrs. Dekarios. Poor me for having to stare at Gale's chrome nipples. We will discuss this tragedy with Morena over tea.

I made sure to go back and do the Iron Throne rescue before fighting Ansur just to make Wyll into the Blade of Avernus so Karlach wouldn't die. And I'm happy with that decision. Seeing Karlach's face as she reports her findings and compliments your squiddy mug is so fucking sweet.

I was sobbing after we killed Gortash hearing about how her revenge just didn't feel worthwhile and how she was gonna die anyway and. I'm so glad she's still alive in this run

Talked with my buddy who romanced Wyll and made him Grand Duke and he said he made Karlach into a mind flayer and she was chill about it. Idk how to feel but it's nice there are options. Don't know if Rhys would let that happen since it's taking her freedom away and sacrificing her feels wrong but since I'm doing the Netherbrain fights again I'll see what I can do

I'm genuinely tempted to get the No Party Limit mod because it feels wrong to take people out for the final boss.

WHY DON'T WE HAVE ANY GOOD REACTIONS TO ORPHEUS PUTTING YOU ON BLAST FOR FUCKING THE EMPEROR

SERIOUSLY

"You fornicated with an illithid!" And nobody says shit? Not even your partner??? Fucked up

You can ask for one last kiss before the final boss. I didn't realize it would be the last kiss Rhys and Astarion shared

I'm still fucked up about that but. I'm glad to see him happy. My Radiant Hopeful ❤️

Lae'zel chose to go with Orpheus at the end. Didn't try to steal Rhys away from Astarion to fight in the war. Probably because Rhys turned squid. Sad

I'm so exhausted. But by the gods that was a good game.

[gingerdusk]

Apologies in advance for the wall of text but I love lore debates!

So, I'm going to take issue with those counterpoints because the first quote in particular is missing a significant piece of context, including the last sentence of the paragraph which was left out in your post:

"Their appearance and their nature are not their fault, but the result of an ancient sin, for which they and their children, and their children's children will always be held accountable."

The player's handbook is referring to the ritual done by the Toril thirteen prior to the Spellplague and Asmodeus' ascent to godhood. The long and short of it is that the ritual took the majority of pre-existing tiefling lineages - not just of other devils, but also demons and creatures like hags and rakshasas - and made them ALL fall under Asmodeus' bloodline instead. This was done in advance of his ascent to godhood following the Spellplague, allowing him to have increased powers from his followers as a "racial god" since the ritual made it so that every tiefling had his bloodline, and thus contributed to his godly power. This is important to the quote, because one of the biggest side-effects to the ritual was that it had a major impact on how the infernal heritage showed itself.

Once Asmodeus became a god, the ritual took affect and most all tieflings born in from the 15th century onwards were Asmodeus tieflings, regardless of if their bloodline started with him from the start, or was obtained during the ritual, and by extension, took on the devilish physical traits. It also made it impossible to dilute the infernal blood through intermarriage, and ensured it would always take priority over other racial traits.

If grandma warlock swore her blood, she'd look like a tiefling, her child would look like one, and her child's child, and so on and so forth. If your argument is that the deal grandma made specifically came with the stipulation that the blood wouldn't be claimed for multiple generations, I don't think the poll question applies since at that point the elvish heritage is no longer relevant - the kid's basically been an infernal since before they were born. Any combination of parents and races could have been involved, at the end of the day, the bloodline's infernal and it'll show.

No apologies necessary! This is my favorite thing too.

So you're right in that I omitted that part of the quote, but that's because I thought it was referring to a different part of D&D mechanics, that being wanting to standardize tiefling appearance into the "humanoid, horned, stereotypical-devil-colored" for mechanical simplicity, and was therefore irrelevant. So now it doesn't matter if your bloodline had an orthon for a dad or an erinyes for a mom, you're still going to come out looking like a wingless cambion.

I will concede that grandma warlock likely DOES take on the transformation, based on how the lore's worded. I don't know that this retcons entirely the whole "skipping generations" bit from counterpoint 2 (it might be one of those "DM's discretion" things), but it does line up well with the whole pact deal.

However: Fey'ri.

Lore-wise, as far as I've researched for this, fey'ri are the result of sun elves trying to strengthen their bloodline by intermixing with tanar'ri (succubi specifically). That's a very specific origin, BUT, explicitly stated, they are to elves what tieflings are to humans. Ignoring splitting hairs over terminology ("tiefs are human-based, fey'ri are elf-based" tiefs are a catchall for everybody for the sake of argument), it's clear that the base bloodline at least has SOME impact as to the form of the child.

So back to my original question. Pact made so it doesn't show up for a few bloodlines. Devil spawn born to elves. Elven lifespan?

[flaming-thing]

If tumblr let its users be mysterious and menacing, I fear the app would break in a day

He probably does know it's amaya because of skors reaction to it, but he's gonna completely forget and bring her up again i bet

He's gonna have to get like 3 different people to confirm that he heard what he thought he did

Ah yes I forgot about the Stubby Horns. I was gonna say we could use terry to compare AFAB and AMAB earthblood elves, seeing as he's trans, but then I remembered its very likely he's already undergone some sort of transition, and we don't really see any AMAB earthblood elves anyway, apart from the drakewood guy. I would just like to offer a counter on the sunfire elves, though. Have you seen janai. She is a giant

YOURE ONE TO TALK GREN. Amaya would find it hilarious though

My exact thought process here was: 'pft ye that's tr- wait was that a Hamilton ref- THAT *WAS* A HAMILTON REFERENCE' and yes, I did read it Burr's voice. Before i even realised it was a Hamilton reference

I'm going with the 'phoe-phoe bent reality' theory, I refuse to believe the continent that houses 5 different human kingdoms, a large population of dragons and at least 6 different elf societies can be traveled across in ~3 weeks

Way to go ram! Introduce therapy to the group i beg, they all need it

Ye, I think you brought it up in chapter... the one where andromeda and rayla talk? But it seems like it's not the fact that she didn't kill Marcos that was the problem (I mean. It was a problem but still), but rather the fact that she lied about it. That couldve been interesting if callisto hadn't spoken for her though, would they have gone on to kill her? Or would they still realise that the responsibility was somewhat shared? Would skor have suggested to kill runaan as well? I don't think he would, because runaan didn't betray them or anything, he just made a slight mistake in bringing her, but still

He had none to begin with. He was born with his sanity already on the negative numbers

Anyone who found the body would probably think that it was an animal thag had been mostly eaten or something

Oooh I wonder what zubeias reaction to seeing the entire group she sent out to kill the king and Prince turn up with said Prince but also her son who was presumed dead. That'll be interesting (in a good way). Also I think I've asked this before but are you going with the harrow-is-a-bird theory, or are you going with harrow-is-actually-dead?

He seems to be a very 'I know exactly how I feel' guy about everything except his family. I mean, I think tiadrin and lain definitely *did* love rayla, they just had a very, very different way of showing it. And obviously no one knows yet that the dragon gaurd didn't run away, so everyone's just left with a sense of 'damn these two suck' because in their eyes these 2 abandoned their daughter for something (in their culture, at least) arguably more important, but then abandoned that as well. So most people have their opinions on the whole situation, because like you said they didn't know tiadrin and lain that well, but runaan has no idea what to do because they're still his best friends/siblings, and raylas still their daughter, but also they just haven't been there for the vast majority of her life, and pretty much told everyone that they wouldn't come back for her by abandoning the egg. Anyway idk if that mare any sense it was just me rambling but that's what u make if the whole situation

We just love to watch people suffer lol

Harrows mistakes are the entire reason the show happened in the first place tbh

Oh you just know that the moment his quiet kid persona is needed, it's absolutely nowhere to be found and he is suddenly the most socially inept, clueless person you've ever met

Rams spent his whole life being an only child, and now he has two younger siblings to compete with that his dad dosent even know about yet

Different Path Taken Ch19 P1: Runaan and Skor's Discussion

I'm not as happy with this section as I have been with some of the other tough ones, and I haven't quite isolated what the problem is. It might end up going through some bigger edits? I don't know, I kinda wanna just be done with it, since while it feels clumsy, it did go over what I wanted it to do.

Skor wasn’t far away when Runaan found him.  He didn’t even need to track prints through the snow, as the other swordsman was sitting on an outcropping of rock within sight of the cave entrance, eyes fixed on the human village below.  Runaan made sure to crunch a bit of snow on his approach, and saw Skor glance at him, so he wasn’t startled when Runaan sat down on the rock beside him. 

“How stable are you?” Runaan asked softly, without looking directly at him, just looking out of the corner of his eye.

Skor sighed through his nose. “He’s coming with us, isn’t he.”

“I asked first.”

“That’s a yes.” Skor rubbed his forehead tiredly, and when Runaan looked a little closer, he winced internally at the exhausted lines around his eyes and the tight pupils.  He wasn’t panicked anymore, but this was taking a toll on him. 

Runaan sighed, not bothering to contradict him, and cast his own eyes down to the village.  He spared a moment to hope Rayla - and those he had sent with her - were doing well, and the humans had found some help for the egg. “It seems the most viable option going forward.”

“We can’t trust him.” Skor growled. “You know better than anyone, Runaan.  Humans can’t be trusted and that one works for her.”

Runaan tilted his head at him. “And what makes the princes so different?”

Skor pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head. “Nothin’.  Small children don’t have higher morals, they have needs and people who fill them, and human children grow up slower than ours in that way.  Right now, that’s us, so of course Ezran wants to help.  It might even work for a few years.  But once he goes home, is surrounded by adults that hate us the way they do for enough years?  I doubt it will last.  Callum is old enough t’ have his own values, but he won’t be the one on the throne that could actually harm us.”

Runaan frowned a bit and looked back down to the village, where he had sent them, entrusting the future of the world to the boys Skor now spoke of with such skepticism. “I don’t think either of them are young enough to be in that state of mind,” He said carefully. “While it’s true that human children mature . . . slower, Ezran should be around the same mindset as Rayla was when I took her in.  She was more than capable of this kind of planning and reason - as you well know.”

Skor shook his head. “Does it matter?  We’ll do this, and it’ll be a reprieve for a few years, if it works.  It’ll save our home from Zubeia, at least.  I don’t doubt their intentions now.  I just . . . don’t trust them to keep them.  Especially back in Katolis once it’s over, with her counsel.”

“Perhaps,” Runaan conceded, reluctantly, after a moment. “But while she is vicious to us, she is a general in a war.  We have never been given a reason to believe she would turn on her own people, and these are her own nephews.  I do not believe she would give Corvus orders that would lead to their harm.”

“Like your friends would never have abandoned their posts or their daughter?” Skor asked, and the words struck Runaan so close to the heart that he couldn’t even process the tone that they came with.  He flinched involuntarily.

He didn’t grit his teeth, but it was a near thing, and he groaned softly into his hands as he rubbed the stress lines from his own face. “That was different.”

“Yes, it was,” Skor growled. “We knew them better than we know her.  What makes ye think we can trust her more than we trusted them?”

Runaan growled right back at him. “I am not saying we should trust him, and certainly not her.  Even if she would turn on her nephews, the tracker may not be willing to harm them.  He knows he can’t fight us.  We keep him with us, keep him close, to keep an eye on him.  If he stays true to his word, he may be an asset.”

“And when he doesn’t?”

“We put him to sleep, and drop him as far off our trail as we can, and leave.” Runaan said, meeting his burning golden eyes again. “If he continues to chase after that, you and Ram may deal with him as viciously as you choose.”

Skor held his gaze for a long minute, searching, before finally giving a huff and looking back down at the village, his shoulders dropping in concession.

Runaan kept looking at his profile, and sighed again, softly.  He placed a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder, and Skor leaned away from it for a moment before settling, pushing back against the weight of it instead. “I know how difficult this is.” He said. “Believe me, I understand what I am asking of you.”

Skor shook his head. “It’s what’s best for the mission.” He replied, voice brittle. “What it does to us is secondary.” He looked over at Runaan through his hair and acknowledged, softer, “I lost my voice, but you lost four lives to her.  That’s far worse.”

Closing his eyes at the memory of the elves he had been forced to abandon inside the caves, Runaan took a deep, even breath, and shook his head. “I will not quantify suffering.” He said after a moment. “You lost a life, too, in a way.  The life you should have had.”

The thought hung in the air between them for a moment, both well aware that if things had turned out differently - if Skor had not lost his voice, and his pride had not been killed under Runaan’s command - he would likely have retired several years ago.  He would not be in Katolis at all.

“I’ve made my peace with that.” Skor said softly. “Have you?”

Runaan blinked at him. “Have I made my peace with what?”

Skor glanced at him through his hair. “Losin’ the life you should have had.”

“What are you . . .” the question died in Runaan’s throat as Skor tilted his head towards the village below, the implication from before pressing in like blades around his ears.  He laid them back a little defensively.

“You set all your plans aside for two elves who’ve gone on t’ betray you.” Skor pointed out softly. 

Runaan rubbed the marks across his nose, closing his eyes against the darkness pressing in from his sides. “You know as well as I do the Dragonguard had no choice in leaving,” He said slowly. “What was I supposed to do?  I had been a part of Rayla’s life since she was born.  Was I to leave her with someone else?”

“That’s not what I mean.” Skor said, tilting his head to look at Runaan around the hair that fell over his face. “That was seven years ago, an’ she’s only fifteen.  They didn’t have a choice about leavin’?  They left t’ protect her?  They threw her life away along with the rest of us when they ran.  Saved their own skins instead.”

“Skor-”

“We’ve all a right t’ be angry with them for that,” Skor pressed. “But even before that, Rayla’s only fifteen.  She’ll remember more of her life with you than with them.  She’s practically grown, and they did what, sent letters?  That’s not parenting, and you know it.  They dropped that on you, an’ never let ye take the title ye deserve for the responsibility ye took, too selfish to let her have a family they weren’t a part of.”

Runaan flinched, hand dropping from Skor’s shoulder and covering his own face as he grimaced. “That doesn’t - Skor, I can’t deal with this right now,” He said desperately. “She is their daughter, she is the one who suffers the most from what they’ve done.  Her feelings on the matter come first.”

“That’s my point.” Skor shifted his weight onto his opposite hip to turn a little more towards Runaan, arching his brows pointedly. “You’re the only adult in her life that always puts her first, except Ethari, and honestly, my friend, I’m not as sure as you are that he’d choose her over you.”

He would.  Runaan was more than confident of that.  He grimaced at the very thought of making him choose, though, and shook his head.

“I’m not sayin’ ye should talk to Rayla about it.” Skor said. “It’s not her job tae take care of you.  But I knew them, too.  Ye do have other friends, not all of us willin’ to fuck you over for seven years and end it with a stab in the back.”

Runaan flinched again and snapped. “Alright, yes, I am angry!  I am confused, and frustrated.  I do not understand what changed, I trusted - I loved them as my brother and sister, and I can’t - I don’t understand why they would betray us like this.  But I cannot deal with this right now.  I must do what I can to minimize the damage from what they’ve done, to Rayla and to our people’s reputation in the eyes of the dragons.”

“You’ve been cleanin’ up after those two your whole life.” Skor observed softly.

Runaan grimaced. “That will no longer be an issue after this, will it?” He said bitterly, and then narrowed his eyes at Skor. “And you are deflecting.”

Skor wrinkled his nose at him and lifted his lip to show one chipped fang in halfhearted spite. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Runaan showed his own fangs right back, heart aching at the memory of when that fang had been chipped, but appeased when Skor’s mouth closed again under his show of dominance. “I will not force you,” He said anyway, a little wry after Skor had done exactly that to him. “But know that I am here if you need it.  I know, better than anyone, why this is difficult for you, and I share your concerns.”

“It’s what’s best for the mission.” Skor repeated reluctantly, and groaned softly as he leaned back on his hands, raising his face to the sun’s heat and closing his eyes against its light. “Runaan, if he says anythin’ else about that woman’s honor -”

“I will not restrict his right to speak,” Runaan said, but shrugged when Skor scowled. “But I will not restrict yours, either.  If he offends you, respond as you wish, just - verbally.  We don’t resort to violence until he does.”

Skor’s eyes remained shut but he nodded slowly. “Fine.”

He would not have returned to the field, and Runaan would not have allowed him to stay there, if he weren’t capable of stabilizing even under circumstances that brought up plagues from his past.  Runaan accepted this answer and looked back down to the village below.  He took note of a small group of people - four - one smaller than the other three - leaving the well-trodden path towards where he and Skor sat up on the slope. “The children are returning.”

“Then we should do the same.” Skor said, sounding far calmer than he had when Runaan first approached him, at least, and nodded with eyes open when Runaan looked at him again.  They both stood up and dusted the bits of snow off of themselves, and took a few breaths to clear their minds after the discussion they’d had.  Skor returned to the cave, ducking inside with only a glance at Runaan.  Runaan remained by the entrance, waiting for the children to return.

For all they weren’t all his children, he couldn’t help his growing concern for the human boys, and he had known Ram since he was quite young as well.  They were all his responsibility.

He shoved Skor’s words from earlier out of his mind.  Rayla’s needs came first.  He knew what he had to do about his friends’ betrayal, and processing his reaction to it could come later, when he had less on his plate and could justify devoting precious energy to doing so.

[papercutsunset]

Happy Monday! We're looking at Dr. Theodore, because I love him muchly. (It's worth mentioning that he is a Bigfoot? It adds to things, I think.)

The professor keeps speaking. “This is, of course, very serendipitous. I was just reading a bit on local elven folklore—”

“You and me both.”

“Your efforts in learning these languages are admirable, Tiffany May.”

“I learned from the best.”

“You flatter me!” She can picture him now, hunkered down in his car, all seven feet of him. He’s just some normal human guy driving down the road away from the city, after all. “You’ve taken the train from the tracks, dear girl. My point being, I was just reading some elven folklore from a book I borrowed from a wonderful man I met at the Wondermart, in exchange for allowing him access to a grimoire I stumbled upon in the eighties. It’s in my basement if you want to read it.”

“Oh, it’s so normal to ask a teenage girl to come into your basement,” she jokes, like she doesn’t secretly think of him as a grandfather figure, like she doesn’t shamefully, desperately want to go fishing with him and hear all his stories about catching fish with his hands like he hasn’t told them before.

“The most normal thing to do, yes. If you don’t want to go get it now, I would say—”

Something hits her like it didn’t earlier in the conversation. “Wait, hold on. It’s like… it’s almost three in the morning. Empire City is like four hours away. The university closes at ten. Why are you driving back so late?”

“I had business to attend to.”

She knows what that means. “Everybody I know is kissing people. Damn.”

“Let an old man have his fun! Can I tell you what you called about now, before another deer runs out in front of my car?”

“Yes, yes— Sorry. Please do.”

“There’s an account from an Ice Elf who exited the Northern Realm to live among the fae in the Autumn Court— couldn’t withstand the cold, even with their absolutely fascinating enchantments, which I’m desperate to get a look at—”

“They’re really neat, aren’t they? I accidentally nabbed a coat from there, and it’s so warm in a way it shouldn’t be. I wonder how exactly they do that. I would assume it has something to do with the runes embroidered in the gold thread along the hem, cuffs, and collar?”

“Well, I was referring more to enchanted armor—”

“Oh, just like Minecraft.”

“You kids and your Minecraft. Do you know how many references I had to withstand today when I was trying to talk about tommyknockers?”

“My favorite Stephen King novel. Sorry— So, we back in the mine—” She digs the heel of her hand into her eye again. “There was an Ice Elf?”

“Correct! Back on track!” (He ignores the soft train noises she makes as a response.) “There are two things that are probably relevant to your situation. The first is that he makes mention of a combination of some sort of red-and-black rock and an unknown magic substance that seemed particularly powerful and linked to spontaneous teleportation, deep in some remote part of the Northern Realm.”

“Sounds like something oxidized reacting with some other substance.” Maybe that could provide some insight into what she needs to do to make this damn meter run correctly and measure something more than what she’s aware of. “And the second?”

“The second is that— Shoot!”

“Another deer?”

“Another goddamn deer!”

“I’m sorry, doctor. That sucks ass.” She pauses for a second before asking, “What was the second thing?”

He inhales, sharp through his normal human teeth. “I forgot.” When she curses, he adds, “I’ll let you know if I remember. If I don’t, you are welcome to the book.”

“I’ll give it back to Ellis when I’m done.” That’s a wild assumption to make on her part, but she’s pretty sure she saw the two of them talking at Wondermart, anyway, when she was picking up a box of toothpicks and a bag of coconut flour.

“You’re going to get the book, then?”

“Yep. I still have that key you gave me, so I can… get into your house.” She narrows her eyes. It isn’t weird if she doesn’t make it weird.

“Go get that book, then. Give it back to me when you’re done, dear. I’ll give it back to our mutual elven friend.”

“Yes, sir. And I’ll— I’ll visit a library in the Northern Realm and see what else I can find about it there.”

“Oh, sweet girl. You’re going to bring back notes, right?”

“Of course I’m bringing back notes! I’m bringing back pictures!”

The professor laughs. He hangs up with a chipper toodleoo, leaving her with the deep-rooted knowledge that she’s going to have to get that book.

And she’s going to have to go to the goddamn North Pole.

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