#like. i am aware but
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would be nice if i could look at myself in the mirror and be able to say i'm looking at me
#ig i should embrace the otherkin label at this point#like. i am aware but#never felt like it was exactly that in a way#tho that's impostor syndrome i guess#idk#it's not that i dislike the label i think it'd be nice i just#don't know if i wanna call myself something if it turns out it's not quite that#i guess i do feel that way about the non binary thing i've got going on too#am i good enough to be x thing#do i really feel like i deserve to belong here with these other people that do#at the same time i don't care all that much about my gender. i'm just a creature#i just default to whatever people perceive me as so if people call me a guy that's what i am to that person and i couldn't care less#but people acknowledging me as a pikachu or otherwise some sort of creature always makes me feel good#huh.#i guess just writing this down helped me think about it#hmm.#personal
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dnd character design :] !!!
#dnd oc#dnd character#arcane trickster#dnd art#dnd#d4ggerfishdraws#she's based off wraith deadlock + jade curtiss tales of the abyss + gojo jjk#i want to play her in a campaign... like dragonheist or something#i am aware you can technically only have 1 mage hand at a time but that's what magic items are for
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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Learn your history!!!!
#doctor who#doctor who spoilers#15th doctor#fifteenth doctor#rogue#9th doctor#ninth doctor#jack harkness#dw spoilers#I don't like being reminded that mr barrow guy is out there but alas#Edit: tysm for telling me the editing sucks I am well aware!!! Plus it keeps me humble lmfaoo
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DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one
#i've been listening to icarus by bastille#and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin'#and like fuck man#and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope#anyway my line now#also probably phrased this poorly but its ok#im allowed to be incomprehensible#as a treat#and then fuckin#from we sink by of monsters and men#the original line was 'please look away dont look at me'#and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me'#anyway#shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night#q
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i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,
#'weaving spells with beaks and talons' whatever u wanna call it. sounds like chanting to me#anyway yes. that is a thing that is happening#yes i am aware of it. stop asking.#am i taking steps to stop this thing from happening? how. how the fuck do u suppose i should go about doing that?#yea i've done some dumb shit in my life#no i am NOT about to go INTERFERING with the CROWS
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ok ive realised my main issue when it comes to talking about work is that sometimes i say "i dont want a job, i want to make art" and inevitably people will respond with "you can make art your job!" and like. theyre not wrong! that is my goal currently. but its not the same thing, you know? art as a job isn't just about making art, it's about networking and finding jobs and building a portfolio and promoting yourself and staying on top of trends and communicating with clients and market appeal and scheduling. and sometimes u just sit there and go man. i dont wanna do all that. i just wanna make art.
#like im aware i am just complaining bc this is how the world works#but a guy can complain sometimes u know
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Hot take and not to be a killjoy or the shipping police but people treating Viktor or Jinx's aroace headcanons as if they were canon is not the revolutionary take people think it is.
Headcanons are always all right but we have to acknowledge that they are somehow damaging when they apply to stereotypes. It might not be the case for everyone but most of the time people unconsciously assume that disability/mental illness=asexuality. These headcanons erase the freedom of attraction from people who are already seen as unable to have sexual/romantic experiences/desires, when it's completely untrue and harmful.
You can headcanon Viktor and Jinx as aroace, but I have seen people changing their minds once Viktor is no longer disabled (s2 with all of his other forms) and Jinx is no longer as mentally ill (alternate universe Powder). And it speaks wonders of how people see these characters.
"I never thought about Jinx being able to feel romantic/sexual attraction until s2!" To believe she's actually only capable of that when she's not "damaged" is incredibly disturbing. Especially since Jinx has always had a bit of a flirty personality too.
"I've always seen Viktor as asexual, I don't know why!" That's fine. You can headcanon him as ace. But I believe there is a reason behind it, most of the time, if for some inexplicable reason the "vibes" of the disabled character are making you think he's ace.
I say all of this being aroaspec myself, by the way. Headcanon all you want but going to people's posts commenting how "it's weird for you that they have romantic/sexual plots when they're clearly aroace" is not a win at all. It's a headcanon, after all, and it should be treated as such, and that's fine. But it also is damaging to spread stereotypes like these.
Of course the disabled character is asexual. Of course the mentally ill character is aromantic. It's not as revolutionary as you might think, tbh.
Fandom is not activism and it's all right to have any headcanons you want BUT some of them are filled with damaging stuff and perhaps we should look into ourselves more before treating these assumptions as something canon.
#i hope i didn't sound rude btw i am saying this respectfully and this is directed to the ones who push these hcs as canon#if you have your own theories and know abt aroace stereotypes but are respectful abt it this is not for you keep scrolling#i actually think showing jinx (who has been dehumanized by the fandom A LOT) in a romantic relationship is good for her character#and viktor letting himself be free and loving what he considered imperfections thanks to jayce at the end c'monnn they need to make love#tired of disabled characters being treated as babies and always hc them as aroace let them fuck#this being said i am aware there are more terms inside aroace etc etc etc and there are more ways of considering them aroace etc etc etc#this is NOT about that it's about being aware of how 'mmm it's the vibes!' argument does NOT work when it's stereotypes#it's like saying 'wow this robotic character is giving me autistic vibes idk why' LIKE CMON NOW WEFNEWLFNL YOU KNOW WHY#please don't cancel me i am giving my humble opinion as someone aroaspec#at the end of the day you can do whatever the fuck you want tbh#i'm not the shipping police here#arcane#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#jayvik#timebomb
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How did Henry let William’s ideas pass in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#wiliam afton#henry emily#circus baby#sister location#fnaf fanart#this comic is unserious#but also I am genuinely curious how Henry just gave these ideas a pass#LIKE Henry is semi aware of the more questionable aspects to animatronics#he even says so in pizza sim how guilty he feels aiding in this#I JUST GOTTA believe he was half paying attention to whatever William was up to#didn’t think too hard about it and just wanted to make his robots#William must of been ecstatic that Henry agreed over and over#like dude lucked out BAHA
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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Me: I appreciate that you keep bringing me tupperware leftovers but you really really shouldn't, you're going to lose a lot of containers
My brother, handing me the 10 thousandth container of leftovers: Oh yeah I forgot to ask when are you bringing those back
Me: You don't want them back.
My brother: What did you do
Me: Better question: what did I NOT do
Him: ...
Me:
Him: Oh my god
Me: Yeah
Him: You haven't been WASHING THEM?
Me: Bruh I'll be honest I haven't even been eating most of them
Him: Oh my god
Him: I have been bringing you lunch since-
Me: Halloween
Him: OH MY GOD
Me: Yeah
Him: It's been- we JUST bought those containers
Me: I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU TO STOP
Him: WHAT THE HELL
Me: I HAVE TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES TO STOP
Him: IF I DONT FEED YOU, YOU DONT EAT
Me: I AM AN ADULT I PACK FOOD
Him: WHAT FOOD
Me: I DONT KNOW, FUCKING. SPAGHETTI
Him: IN WHAT? IN WHAT? YOU DONT WASH YOUR FUCKING TUPPERWARE
Me: I DON'T *BUY* TUPPERWARE CAUSE I KNOW I WONT WASH IT
Him: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU CARRY THE SPAGHETTI IN
Me: Bags
Him: What
Me: Ziplock fucking bags
Him: YOU'RE EATING SPAGETTI OUT OF BAGS
Me: IT'S LESS WASTEFUL
Him: HOW is it less wasteful? HOW?? You're throwing out a plastic bag every single day!
Me: It's better than throwing out tupperware!
Him: TUPPERWARE IS REUSABLE
Me: NOT IF YOU DONT WASH IT
Him: WHY THE FUCK NOT
Me: I DONT DO DISHES
Him: THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU DONT DO DISHES.
Me: I hate doing dishes. You KNOW I hate doing dishes. I have ALWAYS HATED DOING DISHES you KNOW this
Him: WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN EATING OFF OF
Me: PLASTIC BAGS
Him:
Him: You're a fucking trash monster
Me: You wore the same pair of Shrek pants every day for two years
Him: When will you let that go
Me: I will never let it go
Me:
Me: ...thank you for the lasagna
#This little bastard is kind and thoughtful to the point that it is almost dumb#STOP TAKING CARE OF ME I HAVE A SYSTEM#It's not that I NEVER do dishes#I just hate it so much its maybe an every 17 days thing#I just refuse to dirty them when possible#Like literally I will straight up skip a meal before I touch the sink#I am aware it's stupid#Just as I am aware of the reasons#But because I KNOW MYSELF I will not buy tupperware#At least glass will wait for me#....this is always why I eat so many sandwiches tbh#The bagged spaghetti post#Teaboot
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...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.
(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#arno#I like to think Arno meant that as an inside thought but it came out as an outside thought. He's rolling with it though.#He did cause a Catastrophic Yaoi event though.#Jamis my beloved. You have the heart of a maiden. The body of an Ox. The brain of a loyal dog.#This is a guy who's okay being attracted to another man but *NOT* aware he's in love or that he's bisexual.#We love him for this. My god. This man is crafted so perfectly. I need you all to at least give Tigers a chance for *him*.#I'm tricking you a little bit because you will actually also fall for Ludo and Luck and Remy and Honeyfoot and-#okay you get the point. There are so many amazing characters in this comic.#I just.. my joke comic of 'gay sex is the solution' feels so ominous now knowing a few weeks later that was going to be canon.#I feel like a jester and a prophet. I don't know if I should tell anymore jokes in fear of what I may predict.#I am putting my hands together for Ludo to get a good smooch in with [redacted] in dragon form.#Also predicting something very spooky is going to go down with the diving bell. We shall see!
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Hannibal (2013-2015)
Hugh Dancy + the ladder scene
#mads looking at hugh in the 3rd gif like 'i am also aware' 😏#hannibal#hannibaledit#tvedit#will graham#hugh dancy#hannibal lecter#mads mikkelsen#hannigram#laurence fishburne#caroline dhavernas#horroredit#horror#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#murder husbands#hannibal cast#hannibal cast gifs#hannibal gifs#hannibal 1x10
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dense, neutron star of a man. His weight fluctuates based off of the amount of sun hes been exposed to, and the amount of water ingested, so a very healthy kryptonian easily weighs around 350-400 lbs/ 158-181 kgs. Martha quickly traded in her lawn chairs for sturdy, solid wood, rocking chairs for the front porch as he got older, but Clark seems to be drawn to the flimsy lawn chairs like a moth to a flame.
(Hes prone to shouting for his Ma or Pa when hes scared awake, old habit hes never broke out of lol)
Bonus: a regular day for Bruce
#superbat#clark kent#superman#bruce wayne#batman#mine#my art#treating kryptonians like sponges a lil lol...#he drinks way more than he eats. weird plant man#despite bruce being a human wrecking ball it still shocks clark everytime hes picked up#like a huge dog confused by the concept of uppies#how could this happen....? i am so large...and powerful...did i mention Large...??#meanwhile Bruce bristles as soon as hes airborne against his will#he is aware he is pick-uppable despite his size (bc of his team) and it angers him deeply
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Sunday mannerisms I noticed during the 2.7 livestream
when he finds something funny or amusing but doesn't laugh out loud - his right wing twitches
when he is happy or joyous - his left wing twitches
when he is flustered, shy or laughing out loud - both wings twitch
#small writer notes honestly#also so fkn cute#i love him#adorable#also him being aware of the exact shade of his feathers is so nice to know#like it makes it more palpable to talk/write about it#and his lack of a huge reaction to that many feathers dropping means he does sometimes “shed” feathers#bro imagine waking up to a fluffy feather on your nose#aaaaaaaaaaa#also yh these are some notes i wrote down while watching#sunday#sunday x reader#fluff#writing#hsr#honkai star rail#2.7 livestream#wait am i insane for noticing these details?#guys?#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#rip me
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