#like. have to sit still to recover

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all what's bluesky? And should I make an account there?

[gods-perfect-idiots]

something something blood-soaked hands cradling your face something something

anyway here's the post btw

[isthe-protag-cluelesstho]

Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,

I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.

Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,

It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more

And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)

So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"

And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,

I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.

And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"

Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?

Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical

[rubyfunkey]

not being able to draw whenever i want to is having unexpected effects

[nobodybetterlookatme]

How do you ask someone out with plausible deniability lmao like do you just ask them to dinner or something or is that too obvious ahskamskls

[explosiontooth]

To be honest this may be a hot take but i think AOTD taking place in 2020 was just an error. No way SEVEN YEARS passed without it being directly mentioned. The events of the main show took place over the span of seven years (2006-2013). Imo i think it takes place in 2014, at most a year after doomstar requiem

[clowninthecoffeehouse]

yeah it’s just a bad pain day haha (<- guy who has felt the same pain level for over a month)

[dootznbootz]

As someone with ADHD, you know you're fucking exhausted when you're not even fidgeting. :'D

[icewindandboringhorror]

........creachure

[nebulastarss]

I discovered your account through AO3 and gotta say... big fan.

To recover is so good ahhh. Hope you don't mind but I did shout you out on my Tumblr, it's small so I doubt anyone will see it but I wanted you to know. But yeah I think your fics are cool and you're cool and I'm gonna stop before I fangirl too much 🚶‍♀️🐈🐈🐈

Eyyy thanks! I really gotta remember to link my tumblr on my AO3 more often...

To Recover was definitely fun to write, I wrote chapters 1-4 basically all in one day (at like. Midnight. Shhhhh)

Of course ch4 didn't want to cooperate and ended up taking the rest of the time from chapter 1s publishing to its own... but still.

I'm glad you like my writing ^v^

[xx-justsomeguy-xx]

trying to figure out where I wanna take how I draw and render through accepting who I am as an artist in terms of preferences and skill. Tired of aiming for something so far out of reach and forcing myself to conform. I’m not aiming for a studio job anymore so why should I keep forcing myself through the agony of working tirelessly towards “industry quality” when 1) that word no longer means anything in a world where PS1-style and pixel art games can reign king and 2) again, what industry am I even part of?

but I think it’s still hard to let go because I thought I wanted this for a long time. Tbh sometimes I still do, and I guess I genuinely did want to be That for years. But I changed, the world’s changed. My tastes have changed and so has my outlook on how I want to handle my art.

I struggle to create because I keep trying to be someone I’m not. The fun is taken out of the process and I set myself up for disappointment. Idk.

[quarklynx]

Casually flirting with the idea of fucking around and getting a master's degree. The time will pass anyway, right?

[merlions]

One of the most bizarre aspects of going back to live with your parents as an adult, with the perspective to notice how ridiculous some of the ways they interact with you are - like things that were definitely present and weird when you were a kid but you didn't necessarily have the perspective to understand they were strange - is just the unrelenting, constant barrage of utterly inane observations they make about truly, genuinely, incredibly normal behavior. Not like trying to say mean things or be judgemental necessarily, just like bug under a microscope disordered excess inspection type of shit, where you actually have to wonder why they have that much time and energy to spare for it

Truly like "Oh I used your bathroom earlier and I noticed you bought mouthwash. Are you doing alright?" Shdjdjfifnf what could you POSSIBLY mean by that

[mars-ipan]

i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much

[pepprs]

im home and already swallowed by despair. can you believe i was in CHICAGO a few hours ago. and now im here. lol

[micamone]

hey guys