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#i need to get a new job but i feel so shitty and it’s like
greenconverses · 1 day
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As I've mentioned a few times times, one of the actual interesting things Riordan is doing in this new series is mentioning Percy's obvious rage issues and then not actually doing anything with it other than making Percy swallow the anger down so he stays Nice and Controlled at all times.
Which, if we were dealing with pre-Disney+ show deal RR, could be a great character arc over the course of the series where Percy learns to actually deal with his anger and trauma while he's actively being triggered by petty godly bullshit. But Wrath made it pretty clear he's okay with letting Percy eat shit emotionally as long as everyone is one big happy team in the end and we're Therapy Speaking ourselves into the sunset, so I don't think that's happening.
Wrath sets up a conflict between Grover and Percy that's pretty simple: Grover eats a magical thing he's specifically told not eat and causes chaos that puts Percy's quest at risk. Reminder, these stupid quests are so Percy can get into college and Grover knows this. Percy gets angry at Grover; so angry Annabeth can see it and shoos him out of the room so he doesn't explode. And then he just... tries to stop being angry, assumes Grover means well, and carries on pretending it's not Grover's fault while being resentful because it's totally Grover's fucking fault.
Eventually, we get a scene where Grover attempts to make things right by putting himself into danger and Percy freaks out because, duh, he doesn't want his friends to get hurt. Grover then attempts to apologize by admitting he maybe sorta kinda subconsciously wanted to sabotage things. And it's here where we run in to trouble.
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Please notice that Percy immediately tries to reassure him that he's not responsible despite Grover acknowledging it. Then we get the good ol' Grover tears and looking like a poor bullied baby before he confesses to sabotaging his best friend's quest because he doesn't want to be left behind. And with that, all of Percy's anger is gone because how can you be mad at your friend for that?
Uh, pretty fucking easy, especially if my idiot satyr friend knows exactly what the consequences of failing the quest is (forget the college letters; Percy is under the assumption that Hecate will unmake him if he fucks up) AND said idiot frequently has gone MONTHS without seeing me because of his job and, in fact, several months from now will be halfway across the country anyway helping Apollo with some different quest bullshit!!!!
I digress.
Suddenly, Percy is the bad guy for being mad at Grover. And this continues with the next part of the conversation.
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How hard it's been on him?????
Percy Jackson, you are constantly blowing literal gaskets because of the stress you are under, and you're worried about how hard college applications has been on GROVER???????
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"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."
"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."
"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."
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like
are you kidding me here rick
are you FUCKING kidding me
PERCY needs to APOLOGIZE to GROVER for PRIORITIZING COLLEGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
And then Grover makes a joke about Percy's shitty gpa because dunking on Percy in an emotional conversation is totally fine because his emotions don't actually matter to any of his friends. He'll get over it! He's Percy, duh. He's not a ticking time bomb of resentment full of grudges whatsoever.
I think we're supposed to see this as Percy maturing and being forgiving, but is he? He doesn't tell Grover he forgives him. Percy's the one apologizing in the end because he's been guilted into feeling bad that Grover is sad/upset and put himself in danger. The conflict doesn't actually get resolved because Percy brushes it aside; it doesn't matter any more because Grover is sad and must be reassured. No one's going to learn anything from this because there have been no consequences. Grover's gonna do some dumb shit again, Percy's gonna get mad at him, Grover will cry and make up a sad sack excuse, and Percy will stop being angry because Grover's his bestie and what else is he supposed to do?
(This could be a good character arc about how Percy's fatal flaw makes him have a really messed up view of friendships and the meaning of loyalty, but again, we will be denied.)
And for the record, just because your friends have compelling reasons for their shitty actions doesn't make them any less shitty. It doesn't mean they shouldn't apologize for their fuck ups or negate the hurt they caused you. Forgiveness needs to be earned, not manipulated out of you through tears and reckless actions.
Grover can get fucked. I hate this fucking character.
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clowninthecoffeehouse · 2 months
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yeah it’s just a bad pain day haha (<- guy who has felt the same pain level for over a month)
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waywardsalt · 3 months
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ive been rereading tnp and it’s bothering me so much i need to mention it here; it’s kind of insane how much the erins bend over backwards to make brambleclaw deputy, it’s kind of just nonsensical.
not even him not having an apprentice when he’s picked, though that is kind of wild, he just… there’s basically no good reason other than him being a main pov character and tigerstar’s son. literally any other thunderclan warrior who’s had an apprentice (barring maybe ashfur) would have been a better choice. thornclaw dustpelt sandstorm cloudtail brackenfur- brackenfur is one that firestar explicitly considers and the reasoning why he decides not to is so incredibly weak ‘oh i dont think he’d be right for leader’ number one what are you talking about number 2 then use him being deputy as an opportunity to help him become right for leader are you telling me firestar thinks the cat he once considered letting die in a fire is a better fit for leader than the cat he half mentored. dustpelt is clearly an experienced warrior, sandstorm is someone firestar obviously has faith in, thornclaw is experienced and i’m pretty sure you even see firestar consult him a few times (cloudtail is iffy bc thats cloudtail but he’d really be a better choice, just how he treats daisy and her kits would be an interesting justification for firestar making him second-in-command) but honestly besides the narrative jumping through hoops to act like the other very viable options are either secretly bad choices or otherwise ignore them (why is bramble the only cat we ever see jump to help firestar with stuff they just wrote everyone else to be silent or w/e) but in twilight where he arguably acts the most like de-facto deputy in leaf and squirrel’s pov he’s framed as a jackass half the book??? why would you do that if you intend to make him actual leader?? in his trial run of being kinda-not-deputy you just make him use his semi-authority to be cold and fucking mean to his friend and her buddy??? like i see him being qualified due to having experience being the travel group’s leader and whatnot, but barely anything else is done to make him realistically more qualified than anyone else- he just angsts about his ambitions and gets handed the position because starclan vouched for him for some damn reason even though by his society’s laws he should not be in that position
#sorry its just really bothering me bc i am NOT seeing why he should be deputy#warrior cats#salty talks#the new prophecy#i dont hate tnp i just hate the bramble wants to be deputy plot he does not deserve that shit#not even on the level of him being a shitty guy or anything he literally should not have been picked#its probably the most egregious example of the authors just forcing a plot point instead of like. building it up realistically#literally in twilight he just comes off like he’s going to be a cold distant asshole as deputy it’s not a good look#opposed to firestar being deputy gaining his position while qualified and also through the understandable logic of bluestar’s mental state#fire just picks bramble be leafs like hey starclan says so and fires like oh ok even tho he’s literally not qualified#and also barely seems like he’d be a good choice anyways despite having been a main pov character#yes im complaining abt bad writing in the Bad Writing Cat Books leave me alone this is bothering me#adding while i read sunset; i will concede that this one does a better job building him up as possible deputy with the trust he’s given#its still just. why him (besides him being the mc) why is no one else given this trust or somewhat filling this role the same way#i feel like it would be more interesting if someone else got chosen over bramble and he had to be at peace with that#instead of oh he gets what he wants yayyy. idk switch the fox trap scene to hawkfrost trapping the new deputy#i feel like bramble not being deputy would be interesting like helps him realize that he doesnt need to be in a position of power#for his clanmates to trust him and rely on him if hes still worried abt the tigerstar’s kin thing and maybe confront tigerstar abt it
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polyamorouspunk · 4 months
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Hug
Hug
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zincbot · 5 months
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the hits stop coming and they don't stop coming
#every time i think i can't feel worse i discover a new blow#TO BE FAIR. IT'S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT BAD#i'm just like. really sensitive or something annoying like that#the worst part is that usually when i'm feeling low i can hinge my feelings on smth like 'if this happens that means everything will be okay#but then sometimes. it happens. and i still feel like the world is ending. so that didn't work now what do i do#ugh i didn't even feel this bad when i was like in the hospital a few months ago and it's literally just like. (in summary)#2 people i love are mad at me. i did really poorly in my exams and might lose my gpa. my car (highly attached) is breaking down and i need#get a new one#i start a new job tomorrow and i heard bad things about it from my classmates who started before me#+ i have serious doubts in my ability to dress neatly and well with all my shitty poorman clothes#+ i started breaking out#+ i just noticed i lost a bunch of weight likely from my hospital stay and i dunno how to get that back#+ my doctor said i'm not likely to get full mobility back at this point and it's upsetting me#also my spare tires are missing#ugh i'll be fine. i'll be fine i'll be fine i'll be fine. i'll be fine#i'm good at dealing BUT ONLY WITH SOME OF THESE. i can deal with the car and the job and the health. but interpersonal shit?#which is the thing upsetting me the most? wow surprise surprise local autist doesn't do people good#UGH anyway sorry for complaints on main i just feel like i got too many straws rn#it's 10:30pm i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning (ignoring the fact that i've been feeling almost exactly like this for days)#ugh. it's fine. i'll deal. only way out is through or whatever
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I can't take all this shit now my stepdad got laid off and I'm gonna have to help him financially.
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bunnyb34r · 7 months
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I think the universe WANTS me to have a breakdown at work honestly
Did the other side of the table's clearance, which was somehow worse?? I think this side had more items honestly. So I moved aaaaall the old Sharter's (even the pjs that the girls say are $8 and boys $6 but I leave the $8 sign up bc I dont want to hear front end whining ab customers asking which one was on sale/why isnt the girls one on sale. The boys will still ring up as $6, itll just be a suprise :) ). Essentially swapped them and the licensed shit but it wasnt a one to one swap bc ofc no one recovered for me overnight so it was pure hell. Someday I'll have to swap the carters onesies and the licensed pjs that are now on the "wrong" side of the table (ideally the baby stuff would be one side and big kids the other but fuck you that's why) put out 4 new items, thankfully they FINALLY got smart and got rid of the stupid way they used to do these boys shirts (cardboard hanger pinned to a cardboard bar) and they're packaged like NORMAL multi pack shirts 😩🙏
Then I was like phew everything is out of the steel except the endcap which I'll do tomorrow... what the fuck is that
Homicidal ForkliftDriver asked me if I wanted these new multi pack leggings. At 7:55am. (: no.
Like son of a BITCH. That means I have ANOTHER fucking item to find room for (on top of the old tshirts I forgot ab when I was moving shit and didnt leave room for so I threw them in a box sgdgdgdgdggdgd) and with my luck like 6 new items bc we were so fucking behind and now everything is coming in at once! AUGH
And ofc the girl who usually recovers my area is either on vacation, quit, or just got equally overwhelmed with my area and bailed like everyone else, bc it was a goddamn mess. I haven't been able to stock the NikeShitë area in daaays let alone recover it and no one else will even try 😭 and it's getting worse by the day and I'm so overwhelmed like I want to cry
I know I'm the one putting this pressure on myself but I take pride in my job and it looks like I cant do my job and not that I need help bc I only work 20hrs a week and I'm the only one doing this area and that I'm getting overwhelmed with pallets and clearance but god I feel like pingu :( *sad noot noots*
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potpiehead · 11 months
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ive been more depressed lately
#if you cant tell#during the summer i had some zest for life and felt actually happy lol but with the turn of the season it just disappeared.. so annoying lo#i keep having thoughts that boil down to "id be happier if i were happier' like lol#i know that spending time with my friends and family; always having something going on; engagine with my interests and keeping myself busy#all make me feel good and i think those things came easier over the summer#when im doing something of interest i just feel this whole world open up and everything feels lighthearted and easy and then when i fall ou#of those habits and start doing less everythig just feels dark#the depression i have now is 100x better than the depression i had as a teenager though. i didnt have the life experience to know that#things could be better#it does make me feel good to know that there are things that help#i just feel so mentally weak like there are times when i think of the thing i want to do but the effort it would take is monumental#and it stresses me the fuck out#i applied to a couple of jobs today because i just need a change of fucking scenery and i feel stagnant.#evereythig feels bleak and meaningless but i have moments where i feel everything open up. idk#i have hope for myself lol just that today in particular has been shitty like a concentrated version of the past few months#but i did apply to jobs which is something i was stressing about! and i bought some shit i needed to buy that i kept putting off#i often have so much on my mind and am so overwhlemed i cant even think of getting shit done. this shit is ruining everything#catastrophizing was my specialty in early high school ive been here before its just that being a young adult is a new frontier.#and i feel like ive been sitting in one place not moving even though i have been doing things i need to CHANGE things#i have moments of strength but i know that overall im struggling.#anyway thanks for reading. i have work tomorrow gn!
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mikoriin · 1 year
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sometimes its hard to think my art will really reach enough people to fulfill my dream
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I came into work today and nothing, I mean nothing was done. Sauce bottles weren't filled, garbage wasn't taken out, the sink was full of old food, nothing was restocked, nothing was clean. It's ridiculous. I've closed by myself before and I've left the restaurant looking better than this. We shouldn't have to come in and set up the whole restaurant from scratch. I'm so tired. I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm going to finish cleaning up their mess so that my shift can function, and then I'm done. I'm going on Indeed and I'm looking for a new job. I dread coming to work because it's always left so bad. Customers suck, the employees suck, everything sucks and I just want to take a nap. I'm killing myself for this goddamn job and I'm getting nothing positive in return.
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distantwave · 2 years
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#really think I actually need to find a psychiatrist one of these days#not to quote my shitty roomie but I really don’t have to live like this#I am. doing not as bad as I have at other points. but I am definitely not doing great I would say#like I mean things are fine at the moment. but there’s definitely the edge of a precipice kinda feeling to it#like I do really enjoy my job that’s a really good thing for me actually and I finally found a place to live so that’s excellent but#I do REALLY think I need to get help before I move out. which realistically isn’t going to happen bc it’s less than a month away#but uh. I am. not going to do well on my own admittedly. sure I was practically living on my own the last few months in the last place#just bc no one would speak to me. but there were still other people in the house. I think my potential for getting really bad again is#perhaps going to be alarmingly high if I’m on my own without a roommate or a therapist/physiatrist to figure shit out#I don’t want it to take away how excited I am to live at my new place but I genuinely should not be on my own. like practically I’m fine#it’s mentally I won’t do well with it I think#on a totally different note tho if I did ever end up getting diagnosed with what I think I’ve got going on it opens up a ton of#diners drive ins and dives jokes for me lmaoo#so that’s something I guess lol. but yea anyways idk what to do really. am bad at bridging what I can bring up to people and what I can’t#as that is literally one of the defining reasons my relationship with her fucking crashed and burned. so idk when/what/how much I can#talk about things anymore. went from telling no one anything and it completely ruining my closest friendship. to telling her everything and#it ALSO ruining our friendship. so my grasp of what’s appropriate is evidently nonexistent ya know. but I do need to talk to someone bc#I am perhaps doing less than optimal ya know? and I don’t really want to go back to my last therapist I feel like it’s been too long#don’t know what my plan of action is here but this was slightly cathartic at least
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ribosomeraisin · 6 months
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hi it’s me with another vent post in tags. happy out of touch thursday
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thatdemiboymess · 6 months
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Turning up the music to max volume and laying facedown on the bed because the mental health has hit rock bottom like DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT, DROWN IT OUT--
Thoughts of self harm and maybe suicidal ideation in the vent in the tags. Sorry.
#irl#vent#self harm mention#self harm#i am not having a good time today at all chat#my brain is giving me the itchy little localized signals in my wrists that are connected to the Bad Thoughts and Horrible Coping Mechanisms#and like honestly i feel like i should be fine but im not#shit sucks#almost started crying because i realized i forgot to grab some new exfoliating gloves while i was at the store#gonna be eating nothing but ramen and potatoes this month#im lonely and life feels like a really shitty time loop and im probably never gonna be able to get my cats and bring them here#because i need to somehow manage to save up $500 just for oet deposit and pet rent#when everything is month to month to month#i dont have any friends and i dont talk to my family and i sincerely feel like i could die and the only person that would know would be#my partner and even then thats because we live together#and when i do finally die its not like anyone will have known me#people that i should or used to be close with will find out eventually and theyll all call me by a name that isnt mine#using pronouns and words and descriptors that misrepresent me as a person#ect ect ECT#whatever#like whats even the point honestly????#i dont know what im doing here i just feel like a huge burden to everyone around me#dssi is barely enough for groceries but its not like i can get a job near me being legally blind#im just a big ol burdensome money sink lolol#just an overly needy little waste of space#i dunno#i dont know shit anymore#im so fucking tired all the time man#im just#so tired
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neverendingford · 7 months
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#tag talk#hey bitches. she's afk so mom said it's my turn with the body. feels good to be back. I hate half of you parasites and I'm blocking some#same with Instagram. bunch of fucking drones posting shitty memes and sending the most unfunny jokes possible. blocking most of you there#started the process of sorting some things out with her girlfriend because damn some things are unacceptable and you've gotta say something.#she gets to do the soft and useless damage control later I guess I don't fucking care. I'm not going to let us get disrespected like that.#she lets it slide but I'm done taking shit.#sent an angry email to our therapist last night as well because fucking hell how can you be so incompetent at your fucking job.#Jesus h Christ didn't you study this in school or something? yeah we've gone through multiple therapists sorry that makes you insecure???#you're not the first and from the looks of things you're not going to be the last either.#saw the psychiatrist this morning and bipolar confirmed I guess. we'll see whether the new meds make much of a difference.#I kind of don't want them to though. I like being out and finally able to sort our shit out.#feels good to finally message people and tell them how I feel. I don't get a voice much anymore#and ugh I hate having long hair so much but I have to keep it because she needs it so I'll put up with it for her sake but damn I miss short#short hair was genuinely so fucking good and the hassle of long hair is so stupidly intensive but gender dysphoria so whatever I guess#anyway bye you mouth breathers I'm off to go get this stupid-ass body showered#I hate having a penis too though. that's one thing we can both agree on. it's so stupid and it hangs out and the shape is so stupid#God should take constructive criticism and also mean criticism because I have some opinions about how shitty his design is#anyway. bye idiots#Fade is such a fucking good band they were such a good pick for the Deadman Wonderland op
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gibbearish · 9 months
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Congrats on sending that application!
THANK UUUUUU
#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience#already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy#to handle a job again#but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad#and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos#esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him#instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD#which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am#going to cause problems LMAO#i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura#wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away#with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol#bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face#and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like#open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it#you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd#like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male#and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds#and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back#which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO#but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man#and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume#they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed#since you went by she/her when you started here#and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually#given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started#im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD#anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it#a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask#gibberasks
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hausofwoo · 2 months
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handy | choi san
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pairing: choi san x afab reader
word count: 5K
summary: you move into a shitty apartment with a long list of maintenance issues. your landlord puts off sending someone to fix them, only making your frustrations grow. that is, until the maintenance man finally arrives and you discover that he's hot... and you find yourself making excuses for him to keep coming back.
warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, maintenance man!san, tenant!reader, reader is kind of a perv lol, unprotected piv (wrap it up!), oral (f receiving), san is a tease, fingering, hair pulling (m receiving), cumplay, kitchen counter sex!!!, he kinda throws u around hehehe, choking, dacryphilia, use of a petname (baby), lmk if i forgot anything!
author's note: umm.... hahaha um...... so this is lowkey based on a recent experience i had of my maintenance man coming to fix some shit in my apt and he strangely had SO much rizz and i was like wait a minute.... this could be a great fic idea LMAO thank u to @hausofmingi for being my beta-reader ily always ♡
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when you signed your lease at your new apartment, you didn’t expect to sign up for a list of problems.
you desperately needed a new place to live, and with the measly budget you had for rent, all that was left available were slim pickings. so when you finally found a small 1 bedroom apartment that wasn’t double your desired price, you jumped at the opportunity. you applied for the place on the spot and were approved the same day. you didn’t really think anything of it, but when you finally got settled in and actually gave a good look at your newfound home… you were in for a fucking nightmare.
for starters, the window unit in the bedroom wouldn’t blow cool air. it’s right in the heat of the summer, so coming home after a long day only to sweat all night long was not cutting it for you. you put in a maintenance request through your tenant portal app the first day when you realized this.
another annoyance was the dishwasher. one of your biggest must-haves was to have an actual working one. maybe you were asking a bit much with your budget, but with the amount that you work, it was imperative. you were thrilled to see the dishwasher during the viewing, only to find a few days worth of dirty dishes later, that said dishwasher was rusty and moldy. literally unusable. so you put in another maintenance request.
last one, and maybe now you’re just getting picky because you’re pissed, but your shower water pressure sucked, and by the time you would finish a shower, the water would take forever to drain. another request sent.
all these maintenance requests and not a single one fixed. you started to wonder if the tenant portal app even worked, so you called your landlord, only to grapple with them on finding a time for them to fix it while you’re still home. you might want these things fixed asap, but you’re not willing to let a stranger in your space when you’re not there.
you started to fucking lose it. a few weeks with no cold air, shitty water pressure, and dishes piling up your sink, and not one thing being done about it. you call your landlord one more time, urging them to finally fix these issues, arguing that they should’ve been fixed before you even moved in. and with that last push, they finally caved and did their fucking job. they said they’re sending someone there first thing tomorrow.
so when you finally wake up and go about your day-off routine, you’re constantly watching the clock. when they said “first thing tomorrow,” did they mean “first thing tomorrow once the maintenance man feels like it”? because it’s already pushing noon and you’re getting impatient. it’s obnoxious; you’re not able to run any errands (let alone actually go out and enjoy your day off) and you’re just waiting around for some dude to actually do the job you’ve been asking for for weeks.
just as you find yourself dialing the landlord’s number, you hear a knock at your door. fucking FINALLY. you jump off your couch, mind spewing profanities out of frustration. you walk towards the door, ready to give this stupid maintenance man a piece of your mind. you swing open the door, and your heart drops.
the maintenance man stands before you, with a tight black tank that hugged his muscular build and dirty worn jeans. he has a tool belt strapped to his (surprisingly small?) waist and a heavy tool box gripped in his hand. he’s a little dirty, and his chest is shiny with sweat due to the humid outside air. his rugged exterior is a huge juxtaposition to his face, however, with sharp yet kind eyes and a sweet smile.
“you need some maintenance done?” he asks.
“oh, uh, yes,” you stumble, suddenly at a loss for words. “come on in.” you hold the door open, allowing him to walk through to your living room.
“so you’re having issues with your water pressure?” he says, looking around the apartment.
“yeah, that and a few other things,” you reply. “but the biggest thing is the window unit in my room. it doesn’t blow any cold air.”
“i can fix that,” he looks at you with a grin. “which one’s the bedroom?”
you walk him to your room, thanking god he can’t see the blush forming on your face. he walks in and places his tool box down, promptly inspecting the window unit.
“i’ll just let you do your thing,” you say, twiddling your thumbs. “i’ll be in the living room if you need me.”
he nods, and you go back to sit on your couch. you mindlessly scroll through your phone, all while spiraling in your head. did your landlord hire this guy from a fucking modeling agency? he has the build for handyman work, that is certain. however, his face is what’s really getting to you. he could be on the cover of vogue and you wouldn’t bat an eye. but there he is, working on a shitty a/c window unit in your room.
you suddenly become hyper aware of the appearance of your bedroom. what does he think about your decor? is he cringing at the plushies sat on your bed? what if you left a pair of underwear out? oh my god, did you leave your nightstand drawer open, with your vibrator out for the whole world to see?
“it looks like you’ll need a whole new window unit,” he says from your room, interrupting your swarming thoughts. “this one doesn’t even have heat, and you’ll need that for winter.”
“oh, yeah,” you say, getting up and standing in your bedroom doorway. “how long will it take to get a new one? this heat has been brutal.”
“i should be able to bring one tomorrow, if you’re available,” he says, turning back to look at you as he closes up the tool box.
“i’m available,” you say all too quick. dude. be cool. “i mean, yeah, i can try to get off work a little earlier, maybe at like 3?”
“works for me,” he smiles, standing up. “can i get your number?”
you can’t hide your blush this time, nodding at the insinuation, but knowing it was just to iron out arrangements. “here,” you say, opening your phone messages so he can send himself a text.
he types away and hands your phone back. “you need a new dishwasher too, right?”
“i do,” you confirm.
“i can try and get you one by tomorrow too,” he says. “i’m off duty by like 5, so hopefully i’ll have enough time. now the shower?”
you nod and lead him to your bathroom. he examines the shower head, and you watch your cat approach him from behind.
“oh my god,” he says, startled at your cat rubbing against his leg. “this little dude came out of nowhere!” he reaches down to pet him, all while he’s purring up a storm.
“wow, he really likes you,” you stand shocked. your cat is always so standoffish to strangers, usually hiding under your bed or couch. but he’s rubbing against your maintenance man’s legs like he’s best friends with him.
“cats tend to really like me, i don’t know why,” he chuckles, scratching at your cat’s head. “what’s his name?”
“leo,” you say.
“like the zodiac sign?” he looks up at you while still petting him.
“yeah, i wanted to name him after his own sign but he’s a cancer, soooo…” you trail off, awkwardly fiddling with your hands.
“i’m a cancer!” he lights up, looking back down at leo. “no wonder we get along.”
you smile, and then realize you’re staring again. “i’ll go back in here so you can work.”
after distracting yourself with your phone again for a bit, you look up and see the man starting to walk out the bathroom doorway, already with his things together.
“okay, it should be good now, but let me know tomorrow if there’s any issues,” he says. you nod to him and lead him to the front door. you open the door and he walks out, but turns to you before he leaves. “so, i’ll see you tomorrow?” he has a smile on his face, with a hint of something behind it that you can’t quite read.
“yeah, tomorrow,” you say.
after locking the door behind him, you slump onto the couch with a big sigh. that was somehow the most nerve-wracking thing you’ve ever experienced. you remember he texted himself on your phone, so you open your messages and see the unsaved number.
sent 12:28 pm this is san :)
you can feel heat rising to your cheeks. even a stupid smiley face in a text has got you kicking your feet. you text him back, telling him your name and a quick thank you.
dear lord. this man didn’t even do anything, but he will be the death of you.
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you come home early the next day, even earlier than you mentioned. partly because you wanted to clean up your place a bit, but the other part to mentally prepare yourself for a hot man in your apartment again. you clean up your room, tidying up so it looks a tad better than it did the day prior. once you’re done, you find yourself fixing up your makeup, realizing you’re putting way too much effort into seeing a fucking handyman fix your a/c.
are you really doing this? intentionally getting dolled up for this?? haha never! right….?
you hear a knock at your door and jump up. you check yourself in the mirror one last time, fixing the gloss on your lips. you go to open the door to reveal san, standing in front of you again with a familiar sweet smile on his face. you smile back too eagerly.
“i got your window unit!” he says, nodding down to the large box in his hands.
“oh, come in, that must be heavy!” you say, ushering him into your living room.
“mind if i go in your room?” he asks.
“of course, please,” you say, opening your bedroom door and letting him set the box down. you attempt to subtly watch his arms flex as he drops it. oh my god he is so hot.
you retreat to the living room as usual, allowing him to work in peace. you work on some things on your laptop to pass the time, but the thought of this man working on your a/c, muscles protruding, sweat glistening… it’s all too much of a distraction. you decide to put your ear buds in, trying to drown out your own perverse thoughts. you finally are able to hone in on your work, catching up on the things you couldn’t finish during your shift today since you left early.
you don’t realize that san finished installing the window unit until you feel a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.
“oh!” you stammer, pulling an ear bud out. “sorry, what’s up?”
san has a smile creeping on his face. “my bad, i didn’t mean to scare you. i just wanted to let you know i finished putting in the unit.”
“that’s great, thank you so much,” you say, standing up. “did you get the dishwasher today too?”
“yeah i did,” he says, but then he checks his phone for the time. you realize it’s about to hit 5 pm, and he said he’s off by that time.
“you’re almost off, i forgot,” you say apologetically. “you can just come back another day?”
he checks his phone again, contemplating. “well… i mean i already have it in my truck, so i don’t mind working a little bit over my time.”
“you really don’t have to, san,” you plead.
“it’s okay,” he says. “i’ll be right back with it!”
he exits your apartment, giving you a moment to kick yourself. having a dishwasher that works would be so great right now, but you feel guilty for having him work past his time. another part of you wants him to go anyway, if it meant he would come back again.
you hear a loud noise outside your front door, so you open it to see san with the new dishwasher on a dolly. you hold the door open for him, allowing him to enter your apartment and bee-line to the kitchen. he props the dolly down to drop the box.
“i should be able to finish this in about an hour, is that okay?” he asks, already unboxing it.
“as long as you’re okay with working this late,” you shrug.
“i don’t mind at all,” he smiles, looking up at you.
“okay, i’ll just be in here,” you point behind you, gesturing to the living room.
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“alright, dishwasher is done,” san says, walking into the living room with a broken down empty box in one hand and dolly in the other.
“thank you so much,” you smile.
“is there anything else you need then?” he inquires, quirking up an eyebrow.
a moment of silence washes over the room momentarily, with you wracking your brain trying to find a reason for him to stay longer. but you push that away, knowing he’s been working way too long past his scheduled time.
“no, i think that will do it,” you sigh, unintentionally sounding disappointed.
“well,” he mumbles, toying with the box in his hand. “well you have my number, so if you need anything, feel free to shoot me a text.”
you walk him to the door, thanking him. he stands out in the hallway, you looking at him out your front door.
“really though,” he insists. “if you need anything.” with one last sweet smile, he leaves.
so what does he mean by that? “anything.” maybe you’re delusional for thinking there’s a hidden meaning behind that statement. as in, you can text him if you want him to fuck your brains out, “anything?” definitely not, but your mind wanders at the thought of it; that he’d drop everything and book it back to your apartment, heaving and sweaty, ready to take what’s his. you’re actually fucking crazy.
and to make yourself even crazier, the next few days you find yourself itching to get another reason to have him come back. you check your kitchen sink’s water pressure, it’s fine. you test out the stove for the first time and it cooked your food perfectly, no gas smell. then you find something. one of your kitchen drawers won’t close completely. it’s something small, but enough to put in a maintenance request. for the first time since you moved in, you feel grateful you live in a shitty apartment.
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you swing the door open, happy to see the cute grin san always gives you the moment he sees you.
“sooo… a drawer, huh?” he quips with a hint of a teasing tone.
“y-yeah, i tried to fix it but i don’t know what i’m doing wrong,” you defend, rubbing the back of your neck.
“i can fix that,” he says, passing into the kitchen, tool box in hand. you’re ready to retreat to your living room as usual, but san stops you. “you know, you don’t have to wait around in your living room for me to finish. i like having company.”
“oh,” you mumble, turning around. “i thought you might want privacy while you work.”
“no, it’s okay,” he says, opening his tool box to grab a few items. “if you wanted, you can hang around. i like learning about the tenants i’m working for.”
“okay,” you murmur. you open a kitchen cabinet to grab two mugs. “do you want some tea?”
“i would love some tea,” he says.
you put the kettle on the stove, heating up some water. you chat with san about work, how many units he has to visit in a day, about the interesting tenants he meets, how long he’s been doing this. once the kettle starts whistling, san is already finished fixing the drawer, placing it back into it’s assigned slot. you can’t help but feel disappointed that your time with him is almost up. you put the tea bags in the mugs of hot water, offering one to san.
“i know you’re done, but if you still want it,” you say, and he accepts the drink with a grin. you both sit at your kitchen table, continuing to chat. your cat leo enters the kitchen, going to straight to san’s legs to rub against him.
“there’s my boy,” san coos, scratching leo’s head.
“i still can’t get over how much he likes you,” you laugh. “he’s never this friendly, he’s only like this with me.”
“he seems friendly to me,” san says. “maybe he just has good taste in people.”
you chuckle, wondering in the back of your mind if he meant that about you too.
san checks his phone, realizing the time. he sets down his tea and stands. “i should probably get out of here, there’s another tenant waiting for me.”
“i didn’t mean to keep you—”
“no no,” san interrupts. “it’s okay. i really liked this. not a lot of people are this welcoming.”
“of course,” you reply, standing up with him. “i—i really liked this too.”
san smiles, biting a bit at his lip. you look at each other for a moment, feeling an intriguing tension in the air. he finally shakes head, going to grab his things to go. you walk him to your front door. you say another thank you, about to close the door.
“like i said,” he repeats, leaning against the door frame. “anything.”
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you hadn’t seen san in over a week. it was driving you mad. you became addicted to his energy, to his warm greeting at your front door, to the lingering gazes you shared. you didn’t have any reason to see him again, and you needed to find another. so you did something you’re not entirely proud of… something that an actual crazy person would do. you loosened a bolt on a pipe under your kitchen sink, allowing water to trickle the smallest amount in the lower cabinet.
listen. you know it’s bizarre at this point, but you had to see him again. it’s not like anything would happen; he’d probably just fix it up, have another nice chat with you, and be on his way. is it so bad that you meddled with your sink just to see him?
when san arrives, he has that all-knowing grin on his face the moment you open the door.
“the sink now, hm?” he asks.
“yeah,” you chuckle anxiously. “the sink.”
he goes to the kitchen and inspects the pipes under the sink. you lean against the counter, hoping to god he doesn’t notice that the pipe didn’t magically get loose.
“ah i see,” he laughs to himself. “it’s just a loose bolt. easy fix.” he tightens it with his tools, quickly finishing.
“oh, haha,” you say, nerves bubbling in your stomach. “i guess i could’ve done that.”
“you know, it’s so interesting…” he trails off, standing up to face you, running a hand through his hair.
“what?” you ask.
“i’ve never had to do so much maintenance work for one tenant before,” he says, sly grin across his face. fuck. do you think he knows?
“and i swear, that bolt kinda looked like it was loosened by a wrench…” he trails off again, stepping closer to you. HE KNOWS.
“n-no, i would never,” you defend, feeling backed against the counter.
your eyes are locked on san, wandering over his built frame, over his sharp features. he’s inching closer and closer, and you feel your breath hitch. he catches your trailing eyes as if to ask for permission, and leans in to kiss you.
finally, the thing you’ve been wanting so bad from him, to feel his lips against yours. he cups your cheek with one hand, letting you melt into his touch. your lips part to allow his tongue to slide in, deepening the kiss with fervor. his form pushes against yours, pressing you against the kitchen counter. his hands begin to wander, grazing from the side of your face down to your waist. he holds you in a tight grip, pulling your hips forward to meet his. you can feel him harden in his jeans as he lets out a groan against your lips.
“you did this on purpose, hm?” san says, separating from your lips. he lifts you up and places you to sit on the kitchen counter in one swift motion. he kneels to the floor, grabbing at the waist of your pants. “just to see me?”
you nod emphatically, watching as he pulls down your pants and underwear. the cold air hits your core and you try to close your legs, but san pushes them back open to admire you. putting your legs over his shoulders, he runs his fingers against your folds, eyes drinking in the sight of you. you shudder at the feeling, knowing all too well that he’s already got you soaked.
“you like seeing me like this?” he whispers, looking up at you. “i bet you imagined me like this, between your legs.” when his fingertips graze over your clit, your body lets out a shake, and he knows he found what he wanted.
he attaches his mouth to your core and places a firm hold on your outer thighs. licking stripes up to your clit, each stroke of his tongue feels like heaven. he dips down to your hole, dragging your slick upwards. he moans at the taste of you, devouring at you with more passion. your hands grasp at his hair, relishing the stimulation.
he tugs his head back, looking as pussy-drunk as ever. “i imagined you like this too,” he moans, lips still hovering over you. you unintentionally tug at his hair, yearning for his mouth back on you. “i wanted you so bad the moment i saw you.”
he releases a hand off your thigh and snakes it back between your legs, teasing at your hole as he goes back to circle his tongue around your clit. he looks up at you as he slides his middle finger in, watching you crumble at the feeling. once he can tell you’re comfortable, he slides in another, slowly starting to pump them into you. you whimper at the feeling, walls contracting around his fingers.
your moans are uncontrollable, and he matches them, letting the vibrations enhance the stimulation. he curls his fingers into you, hitting that perfect spot. he can feel your core clenching more erratically, causing him to pick up the pace, but maintaining a steady rhythm. his tongue flicks at your clit just right, making you squeeze your eyes shut and tighten the grip on his hair.
“s-san,” you let out. “i’m gonna cum.”
he detaches from you briefly, still finger fucking you. “cum for me, baby, i want to taste you.” he immediately latches back onto you, eating you like his life depends on it.
you feel a wave of pleasure wash over your body, feeling like chills. you’re shaking now, unable to control the sheer amount of bliss your body is experiencing. you moan out to san, coming undone on his tongue. he continues to work at you, allowing you to ride out the entirety of your orgasm.
he finally disconnects from you, pulling out his fingers coated in your essence. he licks them clean, looking up at you with the same look of desire. he stands up, promptly placing his lips on yours in a passionate kiss. you can taste yourself on his fucked-out lips, and it makes it that much hotter. you can hear him fumbling with his belt, and your hands reach down to help. you place your palm over his bulge, it twitching at the contact.
san separates from you, letting out a heavy sigh. he pulls himself out from his underwear, rubbing the tip at your spent pussy. he looks down and lets a string of his spit hit his throbbing cock, spreading it around the expanse of it with his hand. he angles himself into you, and slowly starts pushing in. you gasp at the size, him stretching you out much more than his fingers initially did. he takes it slow, acknowledging the whimpers leaving your lips.
once he’s fully inside, he groans. “god, you’re so fucking tight.”
he watches himself enter you as he starts rolling his hips into you. he places a hand on the back of your neck, pushing you towards him for a messy kiss. he starts to pick up his pace, earning a sharp hiss on his lips in between kisses.
“you feel so good,” he murmurs to you. “i knew you would feel good.”
you moan in response, completely unable to form any words. all you know is that the stretch of his cock is deliciously painful, and the sweet kisses he’s peppering over your neck gives you goosebumps all over. you can’t even believe this is happening right now, that your fantasy of fucking your maintenance man is coming true, and it feels even better than you imagined.
“you wanted this so bad,” san teases, continuing to piston into you. “for me to fuck you like this. you probably imagined it, touching yourself the moment i left.”
and he’s right, you found yourself needy and horny after every visit he made. you couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing your vibrator and pretending he was the one fucking you, not yourself. but the feeling of the real thing was much different, much more euphoric. to have his chest heaving in front of you, sweat beading on his temple, desperate energy emanating from his body, saying i want to have all of you.
suddenly, he lifts you from the kitchen counter, holding your thighs firmly with his cock still in you. something about the fact that he can completely hold you up, still bouncing you on him even… you feel like his little play toy that he’s throwing around. he takes you to the bedroom, dropping you down on your bed and landing on top of you.
he wastes no time in sliding back into you, desperate to continue feeling your tight walls around him. his body is hovering over yours, your legs tangled as he thrusts into you. he pecks around your neck, hand ghosting over your throat as if seeking permission. you place your hand over his, allowing him to choke you until you’re lost in a euphoric haze.
his thrusts become more intense and forceful, each stroke sending chills down your spine as his length reaches deeper inside you. you swear you’re shaking the whole bed, the headboard repeatedly slamming against the wall. you’re so clouded by pleasure that you barely even notice he’s fucking you so hard that he’s pushing a dent into the wall from your bed frame.
“i can fix that,” san whispers with a smile, not even bothering to stop.
you let out a chuckle, then press a soft kiss to his lips. his hips begin to slow, as though he’s really taking his time to melt into you, to feel every part of you. he then lifts up to hit a new angle inside you, gripping your waist and slamming your hips into his with powerful, deliberate motions. you move your hand to your clit, feeling your walls tighten around his throbbing cock. your vision blurs, tears starting to well up in your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure.
“you gonna cum for me?” san asks, sensing the irregular pulsing of your core. you nod up at him, eyebrows furrowed and lip caught between your teeth. “cum on my cock, baby, let me feel you.”
your orgasm builds to a peak and then cascades over you, sending you into a state of pure bliss. san is still fucking into you, extending your orgasm while still chasing his own. it’s not until his hips begin to falter that you feel him shoot ropes of his cum into you, filling you completely. his moans echo yours, his hips gradually slowing until he finally comes to a stop.
he pulls out of you, falling next to you on the bed. the room is filled with the sound of your heavy breathing as it gradually returns to a normal pace. you look at each other, smiling with a shared understanding of the unexpected moment you just experienced. he wraps his arm around you, drawing your head to his chest to where you can hear his heartbeat.
“sooo…” you chuckle softly, pointing at the dent in your wall. “you’re gonna fix that, right?”
san grins, pulling you closer. “i mean, i can, but then i’d have no reason to come back tomorrow.”
“now that i think of it,” you say, chuckling. “i think there’s probably a few more things that could be fixed…”
“anything you need,” he says. “anything.”
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a/n: guys this was so fun to write, i hope u enjoyed it too!! something about san lately oml... plz leave feeback as i'm new to writing, and reblog to support me! it motivates me to write more!
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