#like. ask professionals about shit
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landgraabbed · 2 months ago
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i shouldn't look at the notes on posts that i disagree bc the brainrot i find in them..... ooh boy
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mildmayfoxe · 11 months ago
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STAY ★ TRUE || patreon print for dec / shop
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fernlessbastard · 7 months ago
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hot take moment cwilbur is literally just psychotic as all hell and i think people got way too comfortable villianizing the shit out of a man who was clearly portraying signs of severe mental illness. cwilbur was like im so fucking paranoid and scared and i think everyone is out to get me and hurt me and ive spiralled to the point i cant reach out to the people closest to me because im so afraid and lost in this spiral and im having constant panic attacks and hurting myself because i dong know what to do with myself and the only way out for me is to die. and everybody was like EVIL MAN WHO ENJOYS HURTING OTHERS AND IS ABUSIVE ON PURPOSE AND A VILLAIN AND SHOULD NEVER BE TRUSTED AGAIN. and then he came back and was like im still deeply troubled and afraid but im desperately trying to make up for the wrongs i did in the past and the people i hurt in my own way and communication is really hard for me but i hope people know that im truely sorry and i love them. im going to try my hardest to fix this in the only way i know how and then respectfully remove myself from the situation because i feel thats the kindest thing i can do to the people ive hurt. and people were like ABUSER ABUSER ABUSER EVIL MAN ABUSER. like girl
Yeah no based true real no questions asked
I'd hope I manage to portray Wilbur the way he deserves in my content, cause that man is heavily bpd coded and he just needs therapy and someone who genuinely loves him but also can handle his bullshit (which has exclusively and reliably been Quackity like, canonically)
But yeah no completely agreed. The man has issues and has definitely fucked up a lot but at the end of the day he really does need love and care and patience, but also boundaries (and therapy and meds, obviously)
#i deeeefinitely have no reason to have strong feelings about bpd bitches deserving love and care and stability ha ha nooo it's definitely-#-not like I've been dating one for well over 4 years now and even though we've been through so much shit together and I still can't-#-understand why people with bpd and conditions that have similar symptoms are so demonised. It just makes no sense to me.#my bf is the love of my life and i can't imagine /not/ supporting it through all the splitting and episodes and all of that cause they're-#-absolutely worth everything#i don't know not to be too gay on main but tbf it's too late now anyway i think--#is it unstable? sure. but it's also the most caring and loving person i've ever been close with and it always makes sure i'm ok#and it loves me so undeniably deeply no matter what purely for who i am#i've never had anyone care about me this much and this genuinely and this unconditionally - it'd always be what /they/ can get out of /me/#but my boyfriend just cares about me - the actual me - no matter if i'm acting how it imagined i'd act. what matters is if i'm /me/#listen bpd isn't sunshine and rainbows - we've been through some TERRIBLE shit (including s-cide attempts)#but when people claim it makes a relationship toxic/abusive it's so stupid cause ultimately with mutual love support and reassurance-#-and professional help you can have a genuinely happy and healthy life with someone with bpd#love isn't mean to be easy. it's meant to be safe and supportive and genuine but a relationship always takes effort and work on both sides#you should never sacrifice your well being of course!#but when love takes effort and extra care it doesn't inherently mean it's unhealthy or toxic or abusive. it just means you're people.#tldr if you love someone then don't care about some diagnosis - care about the actual perso.#ask#asks#ask fern#tntduo#dsmp#tnt duo#wilbur soot#quackity#quackbur#dream smp#tntblr#c!quackbur#c!tntduo
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iamespecter · 21 days ago
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Catching up on all of your art and, holy shit, you are genuinely beocming one of my inspirations for my own art. Like, up there with professionals in the industry.
Keep up the good work, Spectre! You're going places!
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The fact that I see this when I'm at an all-time low of feeling talentless with my art;;;; tysm omg ueeuueueueueueueueuweue,,,,,,,,
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mantisgodsdomain · 10 months ago
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Finally, we get the opportunity to put our Spy Cards worldbuilding in a work. Though there are many questions about such things as "regulation" "how these cards are printed" "who approves a single spy card", and so on, we are here to present a bold new take: this game is based like 60% on obscure roach memory-reading tech that got turned into a card game with absolutely No card-game-related intentions included in the original tech and most of the card vetting is just from the fact that there aren't too many card printers out there and most of them make cards that need to be translated from Roach.
Strictly speaking, as a card game, it is not a terribly good or well-balanced one. It's popular primarily because of a mix of the difficulty involved in getting the data for high-level cards, the fun of seeing the variety of monsters that can be brought to the table, and the incredible amounts of ham and drama that goes into specifically the professional scene.
#we speak#bug fables#bold and new because we think that only maybe three people have even asked questions about the semantics ofc#notable points: professional spy cards is an entirely different thing from competitive spy cards#and the overlap between fanbases means that there is occasionally some REALLY incomprehensible beef about deck composition#also every time that carmina uses astotheles' card in one of her decks she has to pay him royalties#this is because he approached her personally about it. it was an Experience.#the roach tech thing also means that like a decent chunk of high level spy cards players know like. a handful of words in roach#competitive spy cards is generally smaller than professional and involves shit like actual deck composition and like#trying to get ahold of That One OP Card so that you can utterly crush people at the local tournament. actual card geek shit.#professional spy cards is basically wrestling in card game form and does NOT optimize the decks very well#because 99% of the draw of PROFESSIONAL spy cards is that youre gonna watch a whole bunch of people roleplay elaborate storylines#while also playing a game where most professional venues will invest in tech to read card crystals and summon appropriate effects#its a spectacle sport. specifically a spectacle sport where the actual game is mostly framework for Cool Monsters and Interpersonal Drama#carmina is a heel#this might be slightly incoherent but we'll clean it up later maybe. we are taking a break from sketching comms to write rn
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kindahoping4forever · 11 months ago
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my ultimate wish for this next era is they finally let Ryan go like they did Andy. I'm so sick of not getting the content we deserve. All the gatekeeping of tour diaries and now the crumbs of concert footage in that "documentary" yesterday. he was working for months on that? that's why we didn't get tour diaries? all that footage just goes in his vault now? Please.
Hello! I'm sorry to hear you felt disappointed by yesterday's special. However, I feel compelled to comment on a few objective points in your ask.
- "Live & Backstage in Amsterdam" was directed by James Tonkin, the same director (and production team, Hangman) they worked with on "The Feeling of Falling Upwards" (and the unreleased "Live in Brixton" special). Ryan was credited as director of the documentary footage and as a contributing editor (1 of 3) but the live footage and overall final program was not his work.
- Regardless of the particular creatives involved here (or in any given project for that matter), the fact remains that any directors, producers, photographers, etc are all hired hands operating with full input and specific direction from the band. The band chose to make this a hybrid concert film/documentary. The band chose to condense the setlist the way they did. The band chose this format over the traditional tour diaries. What happens to the unused footage will be determined by the band. Ryan is a friend but he is first and foremost an employee and the band owns that footage. (Likewise, the MYT diaries are not sitting on Andy Deluca's hard drive because he's "gatekeeping" or too lazy to edit it. If the band wanted them released, they'd be released.) All this to say, of course you don't have to agree with the decisions but it's important to clarify who your complaint is with.
- This concept of the band or their collaborators "gatekeeping" and fans not getting what we "deserve" is, to be blunt, entitled and immature. Being a fan does not make an artist indebted to you. They make music, if you feel so inclined, you listen. That's it. That's the extent of the contract. Anything beyond that is optional for both parties. Any content an artist chooses to release is not out of obligation or generosity, it's part business strategy, part artistic vision. Artists do not owe you anything. This band does not owe you anything.
#apologies for the long answer but clearly i had a lot to say (still do tbh)#i didn't link it bc it hit a lot of the same points but i answered an ask with similar sentiments last year about the CM promo era aesthetic#bottom line is at the end of the day these dudes are not our friends shit posting they are professional artists#artists trying to fulfill not just a creative vision but also business obligations#the people they work with are tools in the toolbox hired to help accomplish those goals#they don't get raw footage and do whatever they want with it - the band will always get final say#the hate their collaborators get is always so bizarre to me-whether it be their signature style or the manner in which they deliver content#the band hired these people for a reason 🤷🏻‍♀️#also just bc I have the time: Andy was not 'let go'#thru their work with 5sos andy & sarah have become quite prolific mv directors both individually and as a team#as well as continuing to be in demand live music photographers - andy literally shot depeche mode last week#ryan has also had a number of high profile ad campaigns he's shot this year#what I'm saying is they don't need 5sos lol#the band likes their work and is lucky to have access to collaborators that make them feel understood#i just... can't reconcile this 'we deserve' bit#this was the third concert special in as many years... we only had to pay for one... bc it was a global livestream#it's ok to be disappointed if it wasn't what you expected and i don't mean to invalidate that#but this concept of 'deserving' is a different thing especially in the context of this fandom where entitlement is an ongoing issue#so that's where this long ass answer is coming from lol#anyways that's my rant for the year - just in under the wire!#ask#anon
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sp0o0kylights · 10 months ago
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why the deep sigh before saying you’re a natural redhead lol
Several reasons!
For context this is in response to my answer in the "rb in the tags what would be the physical feature used to identify you in fanfiction of you if you were a fictional character" post a few days ago and the TL;DR is the redheads get stereotyped in specific ways I hate.
Large ass rant below (hey you asked lol)
For a lot of people, redheaded women are a fetish. ( When I was younger, I had people date me who later stated they just wanted to cross off dating a redhead, they didn't actually want a relationship, and my personal favorite, that they would never date someone who "wasn't skinny" but made an exception bc I'm a redhead. I've been offered a LOT of sex and a LOT of threesomes, because I'm a bucket list item and they will say so, to my face, in person. Like many things in life, there's a line between a preference or appreciation or even a "type" --and a fetish. The later being an issue because you're no longer seen as a person but an object, and people will make that creepily, disgustingly clear.
2. It's a stereotyped personality. Redhead's are crazy/hot tempered/insane (see: that one dude from Fruits Basket and I cant even pick a female character theres so fucking many) crazy in bed (one example among hundreds is We're the Millers "Eh she's a redhead there's a 50/50 chance she'd be into it") Soulless (I actually used that one to get through High School by insisting I was collecting souls to pay for my fire-lake front mansion, shouts out to South Park lmao), and many more. The redheaded step-child, the vixen, the other women, etc.
I have had my hair color come up in job interviews, with teachers, with coaches or trainers and even in situations as a kid where I was essentially asked "Hello kid I just met, you're a redhead, are you going to behave for me?" Related, my parents got a LOT of praise because I was quiet. Throughout my life the most common "praise" I have received is that I am "not a typical redhead" bc I am "calm."
You still see a lot of this bleed into fanfiction, but you used to REALLY see it bleed into fanfiction lol.
Addendum to both points above--the fetish, hot, good in bed thing typically only applies to conventionally attractive women.
Redheaded men are "ugly", and if you don't fit into the current but ever changing Socially Acceptable Hot Chick Look, then you're in for it. This includes weight, skin color/tone, freckles, type of hair, fuckin' eye color sometimes, the list goes on.
I vaguely recall someone who was doing a media study about how the male "problem child" in media is typically portrayed as a redhead. off the top of my head, the kid from Malcom in the Middle and the kid from the magic school bus.)
And that's just the cis shit.
3. People in general get weird about my hair. A lot of strangers enjoy touching it without asking, or otherwise felt ownership over it if I had parts of it dyed, etc. I legitimately had people get super upset the time I dyed it black. Hell I had STRANGERS get upset. People I never met in my life who were making small talk in the check out line, absolutely FURIOUS with me about dying it black, because they asked me what my natural hair color was and I answered honestly.
4. If you're over the age of, ehhhh, 25? 27? You probably remember the age of fanfic where we described EVERYONE by their hair color lmao. Redhead was right up there with bluenette. It was painful and that post reminded me of it.
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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 4 months ago
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if i could be a real cunt for a moment about instagram interior designers: i do not understand “dopamine decor”. putting things you like in your house without regard for the public’s opinion??? that’s what you’re supposed to do anyway??? it’s your house not the public’s house???
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th3houseofleaves · 4 months ago
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my BODY is MY CREATION!
call me god, call me frankenstein, call me sculptor, call me creator because i am taking what i am owed i am shaping creating making myself over in the image of adam, i will rid myself of this extra rib called longing and i will be bloody and pure and new as i am born again in the body i forged for myself.
INTRODUCING christopher "kit" warren an original character based in the dc comics universe. he is portrayed by jordan gonzalez.
christopher "kit" warren is the civilian identity of the vigilante known as PORTAL, a twenty-six year old meta-human with the ability to warp or teleport short distances (safely). outside of hero work, he's an independent video game developer and graphic designer, though the latter job is more for bringing in a semi steady flow of income rather than a job he does for pleasure. ideally, he'd love to have more time to work on games but he knows that that's not feasible at this point; both for the lack of income and because of his commitment to protect his community. being a hero comes first to him.
kit is originally from star city but moved away in his early twenties. his birth parents died when he was just a baby, his godfather, cole carpenter, took him in and raised him. his home life was fairly chill, he was well taken care of and never went without necessities but it was incredibly clear that cole wasn't prepared to raise a child. he still had growing up to do when he took kit in, since he was only in his early twenties and still hadn't even decided what he wanted to do in life. and while cole did his best, he was more of an older brother figure rather than the parental figure that kit needed.
that being said kit wouldn't change a single thing. he loves cole so much. that's his only real family. plus, there were perks to growing up with a young parent — rules tended to be lax, he had an easier time getting his way if he needed, and, once he was older, he could have fun spending time with his godfather doing things that they'd both enjoy. (one thing they would do together regularly was training at the gym where cole works. it started off as easy stuff, where kit was trying to mirror what cole was doing and gradually became more serious and branched off into kit begging cole to let him seriously train to become a fighter like he was. cole caved fairly fast.)
growing up he, like so many other children, loved superheroes. he'd play pretend with the other kids in his neighborhood and they'd all have their own hero identity (no one ever volunteered to be the villain, it was always more fun to be the good guys because they got all the perks). if anyone asked him during that time, he would've proudly told them that he wanted to be a hero when he grew up, he wanted to save people just like the heroes on the news. it wouldn't be until he was a little older that he'd realise his childish daydream could be reality. (his meta abilities would first manifest when he was around nine or ten, thus paving the way for his eventual decision to become a hero.)
being a meta was only a shock to kit himself, his godfather knew there was a chance he'd be one since both his parents were. the only thing he wouldn't have been able to predict was kit's abilities, which were nothing like his parents'. having a superpower was cool as hell to kit but it was terrible for cole; he now had to wrangle a superpowered child, who wasn't easily convinced that he shouldn't show off his power, and who was capable of evading him without putting much effort into it.
shortly after his abilities first manifested, kit came out to his godfather which caused cole to become more protective of him. he enrolled kit into self defense classes, alongside the training he was already doing with kit, to make sure that kit was able to defend himself when he was on his own. he wasn't about to lose his kid because some asshole didn't approve of his identity.
cole had no way of knowing that kit was going to use those skills when he would sneak out at night, taking his first steps as a hero in his neighborhood. he should've expected it, he really should've, given how serious kit was about becoming a hero but it still nearly gave him a heart attack when he found out. not even because kit told him, no he saw something, when he was reading the news, about a new meta hero that popped up in star city... who appeared to be pretty young (there was questions about how safe it is for a kid to be fighting crime)... and who could seemingly teleport.... and he didn't have to be a genius to figure out that that was HIS idiot teenage wannabe hero. needless to say kit was grounded for a couple weeks after cole found out and they had to have a long discussion about safety and why he shouldn't keep going out, even though cole knew that it wouldn't stop kit from going out. unfortunately.
as he got older he got cockier. he'd investigate riskier cases, he'd patrol outside of his neighborhood, and he stopped trying to stay under the radar of other heroes and vigilantes that happened to be in star city.
at twenty-six years old he's a fairly well established vigilante (& if the whole no metas in gotham fanon rule thing exists, than he's pretty regularly breaking that rule because? he doesn't give a shit about what batman says. he can't stop him.)
additional link: pinterest.
(edit insp.)
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widevibratobitch · 1 year ago
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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wander-wren · 9 months ago
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Are you taking a break from writing? No hate or anything, just wanted to check in 💛
not really! i've just been in, to be frank, a pretty bad place mentally. i haven't written a thing since the last fic i posted, which was....8 days ago? which is super unusual for me, i usually write every day or near to it, i've just been laying around like a salted slug for a few weeks. it sucks. i'm not gonna go into detail but we shall say my life kind of imploded in the back half of december/front half of january and i have yet to start picking up the pieces. which i'm very fortunate to even be able to take that time, of course, but it's still not fun.
butttttttt i do have a doc open right now as i try to bang something out. how well that is going is debatable, seeing as i am also currently on tumblr, but i will do my best. and hopefully if i can make progress today it will unstick some other gears and i can get back into writing and all the rest of it!
thanks for checking in, though <3
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girlcockholmes · 7 months ago
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i appreciate a quick response but it also scares the shit out of me how fast my PI responds. like FUCK!!! i wasnt prepared to deal further with this for at least a couple hours
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venomgaia · 9 months ago
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i also have been testing pngtuber+ vs veadotubemini and heres rhe fruit of a 49 layer model
#not all the emotes are shown in this lil demo theres one i keep forgetting where it is lmao#return of the coke heartthrob#i like that i made a pngtuber despite the fact that i am extremelt averse to being percieved in video formats. i used to stream more#n would do drawing streams specifically while working on projects but. ive been outta the game so long im not. too sure how i feel about#like. going back#i also did yt for like. 2 videos during lockdown to try and chronicle that whole art school mess and ended up exploding#this boy is not made for audio/video formats 💔#this is actually to test run how efficient i could be if i were to make pngtuber a commission option when i open those#this took 5 hours and all his psrts including clothing are separate and he has skin under there (i dont save the images like thst tho)#so i can swap out outfits n stuff n not have over 49 moving parts#the ONE issue with this lineless style though. is recoloring parts#i tried to do recolored mouths for s paragon model and it was a pain so i didnt rlly finish or save it.#i think i still prefer veadotubemini tbh. the blinks feel more natural in it than in pngtuber+#but i rlly like the bounce that pngtuber+ provides for just Talking#so. hit or miss#and before anyone asks no i will not be learning live2d vtubing and will not make a 3d vtuber#all of that is just too scary for me i respect everyone i see who does it WAY more now that ive like. LOOKED it over#scary shit. leaving that to the professionals#my 3d model is strictly for fun and because i like vr and vrchat. but i do not think ill ever make a vtuber in 3d.
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yellowocaballero · 1 year ago
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I just finished your New Wave fic. I’m convinced everything your write is gold. I loved your TMA fics, with the most heartbreaking demon AU imaginable and the hilarity of Fahrenheit 101. I loved your moon knight fics, starting with Steven talking to animals on the reg at work to the system growing closer with a focus on Jake, i- there’s- it’s sooo much packed into it. When I’m on burnout, of art or writing (maybe life in general at times) I revisit your work and am thrown back into a creative headspace.
You are my favorite writer, you cram so much meaning and thought into your work and it shows. The characters are dumbasses and say the most ridiculous shit and turn around the next chapter and say the most thought provoking thing, and I don’t get whiplash from it because these characters just work! They just do, and I… am very much off track!
Anyways I just got into Batman and reading your fic is fueling that flame! I can’t wait to see what you have in store next, and I shall now stalk your blog for writing tips! I hope you have a nice day broski 💙
Thank you!! This is so sweet thank you so much! This ask is so nice!
Trust me, if there's meaning then it's because I get obsessive over these fics and I massively overthink them. I honestly wish I was better at making simpler, more elegant stories. I feel like nothing I do is truly going to be good until I can find that simplicity.
"Dipshit who says stupid stuff and then turns around and spouts ridiculous philosophy" is just how I talk. But I habitually approach my life from a standpoint of finding humor in everything, if only to soften the blow. I was once told that it's really hard to tell when I'm joking, because everything I say is always half-joking and always half-serious. I feel like that's pretty evident from my narration too...
As for writing advice...um, I was just speaking about this with somebody. When you're plotting a story, the first thing I like to figure out is what I'm trying to say. Everything else should be built around that. The joy of writing is that I think we all have something we want to say, or something we want people to know, or that we have an aspect of ourselves and our lives that we want to express. Most of the time, trying to convey those things verbally just results in a frustrating approximation of your true feelings. I find that when I manage a successful story, the depth and scale of what I'm trying to impart is fully understood and felt. It's rewarding. I think if people aren't understood on some level, by somebody, they kind of die.
Thanks for the sweet ask!!
#dungeon meshi is the peak of storytelling and im not joking#my asks#my writing#(my writing tag is a good place to find my dumb essays!)#i dont consider myself a creative and i barely consider myself a writer#so i professionally have no fucking opinions on art or whatever#also im not sure you can call what i do art in like any meaningful way#but i know a lot of musicians and everything#and so much art is just a person trying to convey something that can't be conveyed through words alone#so much stuff is lost in translation between our brains and our mouths - its like translating english to a foreign language#the meaning can be conveyed but inherently it'll never capture the original meaning exactly in every way#i think art can help you achieve a more perfect translation more than anything else can#you just have to feel like that poor schmuck in j alfred prufrock all the time#'that's not what i meant at all; that is not it - not at all'#JASLKDF sorry for the pretentious tags and also pretentious essay#all i do is write fanfic i dont know shit about this tbh#i just think that idk. there's things in this world that only we know#things that only we can say or understand#and sometimes we have to say them ourselves in our own words#sometimes ppl focus too hard on making their writing sound pretty or correct or 'good'#and they dont focus as much on how pretty writing is a tool to say what youre trying to say more effectively#idk! im sorry for quoting ts eliot some things can't be forgiven etc
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gen-is-gone · 2 months ago
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something something manage expectations something something small town library something something volunteers should not be entrusted with even half the shit they cover here when they by definition have no professional stake in the library and are not held to professional standards
*sigh*
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anaalnathrakhs · 7 months ago
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btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.
#i know there are compromises out there#and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered#and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine#but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit.#i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough#i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them.#but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu''#it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps????#it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me#throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks#when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding#it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer#''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped.#the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone#the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me#and they've got their own shit to deal with#on that note#i was discussing stuff with my mom#and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents#and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????''#oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting#or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting#maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace#maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted#maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc#and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me#how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way#how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells#broadcasting my misery#vent
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