#like???? did you interview someone? was it in a letter? did they admit to it themselves?

[menlove]

I think as a historian the thing that annoys me about biographies is that they don't have to cite shit. if I ever wrote a biography I'd be footnoting every single paragraph like what the helllllll

[lady-ashfade]

Mha Reaction to their big pro!hero sibling coming to visit

´*: ･ﾟ⋆˒ Characters: Katsuki Bakugou, Izuku Midoriya

READER: Masked Hero!reader, reader doesn’t give their name to the public.

WARNINGS: Angst coded a bit, but really fluffy other then a few things, siblings bickering!!

GENRA: HC’s

Izuku Midoriya

Izuku liked to keep you a secret— not in the way you think. When he was younger he got bullied for being quirkless and he was sure you wouldn’t want to bring down your reputation. Or get more bullied because of how different he was.

No matter how many times you made it known you respected and love quirkless people, even announcing to the world that you had a quirkless brother, he still felt ashamed. 

But once he got into UA he was so proud of himself, he was messaging you everyday about his progress. He felt horrible to keep you in the dark about allmight but he had too! Deku still kept you hidden, he wasn’t sure how you would feel if he spoiled your identity.

“Look at you, little hero!!” Izu was so shocked to see you standing in front of him and his class, a smile plastered on your face. “My My, how you’ve grown!” Everyone watched you practically fly to him and hug him.

Now seeing you both together in the same room…it was so obvious that you both were related!! Same nose, eyes and even freckles. Even if you had different dads, you both favored your moms features more.

He was overwhelmed with questions, mostly why he never told them he was your brother, then everyone was fine.

Until you started sharing stories of when he was little. How you would pretend to need saving just so he could rescue you. And somehow a baby picture even up on the kitchen fridge…

“I’m so proud of you,” and yet after all the embarrassing stories, kicking his butt in training, and giving him lectures you still held him when you need to leave, “My brother is going to be the best hero.”

He was a sucker for your hugs. Don’t forget the waterworks!! He’s crying at the slightest praise from you.

Everyone in the class, including him was shocked when they saw a picture of them on tv while you did a interview! “This is the future of Japan!” And you sang their praises on tv.

“Midoriya, your siblings the best!!”

“Yeah…I know.”

Katsuki Bakugo

He’s sooo over you. For years he hated how he had a pro!hero sibling. That just means he’s have to work harder to get out of your shadow. Unlike izuku, MF didn’t want anyone to know he was related to you— YOUR NOT SPECIAL.

I think deep down he was wordied he wouldn’t catch up to you, or that somehow he would fail and you’d be disappointed. Because katsuki really does care AND look up to you, which is why his first thought was to go to UA to follow in your footsteps. Tho, he never admitted it.

“I just want UA to have a better Bakugo, can’t have you spoiling our name.”

Boy would be so pissed if you sent a letter of recommendation. And better expected a angry call, “I don’t need you help.” “Think I can’t do it on my own?” he really hates when you try and help him. Makes him feel weak. Like I said- he doesn’t want his big sibling to look down on him.

“Put the boy down!” Bakugo freezes out the stern tone of someone yelling at him. Denki pulls away from his grip, thanking the person. Yep, it’s you— and the first thing you do is embarrass him.

“Why the hell are you here. Shouldn’t you be fighting low level villains. What, People stop stealing candy from babies?” Everyone is staring at him because he’s talking that way to a pro!

“Don’t be like that! Give your sibling a hug!” they watch you chase him around for a minute while he’s screaming his head off….YOURE HIS SIBLING?

Kats hates that everyone knows now and is asking him questions. He hates to be in your shadow. He hates watching you give praise to his friends and then give him “tips” or whatever. He’s constantly trying to train with you, to try and prove he can be better and beat you in a fight.

“Don’t hold back! I’m not some loser kid like you think,” he screams. It’s been hours since you’ve been training and you still haven’t used any of your power moves on him, “I’m better then you! So stop looking down on me!!”

And you clicked it right there. Why he was always pushing you away, or overworking yourself. Why he hated when you tried to help him. So you did what any good sibling would do—Kick the shit out of him.

“I never thought you were weak, katsuki,” you bend down as he’s laying on the ground out of breath and beaten up, “Just because I give you pointers doesn’t mean anything. I just wanna be there for you,” you pat his head while he has no energy to reject you.

“I’m so proud of you! I knew you would be a hero years ago!”

The last day he was more closed off because of his disappointment to see you leaving but didn’t wanna show it. Being a pro meant he never got to see you, even he was younger you were here at UA training.

Anyway from everyone, he hugs you deeply. “Try not to die! I can’t have everyone knowing I have a weak sibling.”

As he huffs in your chest to give off the impression of being mad, but the grip of his hold says something different.

“Whatever you say, Kit-Kat,” you chuckle and pats his head and hold him for a few seconds as he trues to pull away from you.

[kurosagi-h8r]

I think it would be fun if darkwick has like a radio committee/club where they would read anonymous messages/letters for the school. Maybe they can invite the students as guest speaker too. I need Ed to be invited only for him to be like joke around and just beating around the bush haha hihi and then he dropped some big scandal/secret for all the school to hear.

How it works is the host will announce who the next guest speaker would be and then people can send anonymous letters, it can be about the guest or anyone, then the guest will have to read the letter there. On a live radio.

Yuri will either rant about darkwick general or openly threat frostheim students and endangering the radio committee.

Jiro will actually be pretty normal and give tips regarding student health. Until he read one anonymous letter with smth like love confession or poetry that's soooo Zenji style and he'd be like "...where did you get this?"

Subaru reading anonymous letters (sent by Leo) to corner him into spilling the beans about himself. Poor guy would struggle in front of the mic.

Can I be biased here? I want Haku to read a bunch of love letters lololol (i would send him tons tbh) JUST TO HEAR HIM oh-so-seductively CHUCKLE EVERY 5 SECONDS LETTER AFTER LETTER until I realize I wasn't the only one because some girl two seats away from me is giggling to herself hearing Haku reading her letter out loud. "Ahaha... so many love letters, are you guys sure it's all for me? All your love??? For a guy like me? I must've been a hero in my past life."

As for Tohma he would either read complaints or blatant complaints from another Frostheimers (i feel like he could tell just from the handwritting alone that the sender is from his house) and after reading the entire content he would go, "Thank you for the heartfelt letter, MR FUJI. I'll be sure to assess myself better but I would need more detailed information on your view regarding my performance as the Vice Captain. Please come to the Vault and be sure to come on time after this radio session. Should you be too busy, I can always interro– I mean interview your closent friend, the honor student. After all I don't mind having her attention all to myself." Or something along the line bcs he'd play dirty like that. (That's so hot of him tho i would at least admit it)

Sho wouldn't really be a guest speaker but if the radio committee needs to make some quick buck they could open a paid promotion and you would hear the committee promoting HTH lol. Like telling the audience about Discount of The Day that you wouldn't know unless you listen to the radio.

Also Haru would probably do the same too! He would want the radio to promote the safari lol.

Ritsu... can the committee even convince him to spare some time in his schedule to be their guest speaker? Would he charge them money? 😭 What if he starts spouting some laws about some legal wrongdoings the radio committee has done (which they didn't even realize) just by making this whole radio thing A THING.

Kinda same with Ritsu, the committee would have to pay Romeo for him to come. I just wish Kaito would send him a letter and everyone would hear Romeo curse tf out of that letter. I think by the end of the session he should put a bounty on Kaito's head. Just because.

What if someone say some bad things about Haru and then Towa IMMEDIATELY storm the studio or zap the radio tower 😭

Mizuki Rui dating advice session? Mizuki Rui dating advice session. Just like Haku he would receive anonymous love letters (or not anonymous. Honestly i would be bold too if it's him). They'd be such a huge confidence booster for him lol and he would give the senders cute nicknames if they're not anonymous.

There has to be messages about the teachers too. Hyde reading anonymous letter in which he could tell Sho was the sender. Students shit-talking about Moby and his weird ass idol obsession (i would be the sender just watch), *cough* students being nosy about the relationship between Benkei and Nicholas *cough* well well MC PLEASE MAKE THIS RADIO A PLACE FOR YOU TO LET YOUR HEART OUT PLEASEEEE YOU SHOULD BE GIVEN A FREEDOM OF SPEECH AT THE VERY LEAST 😭

The rest of them would either not care enough about the radio or become the sender. Leo would prefer to be the sender, i think. Ren would only send anonymous letter when Haru is the speaker to let everyone knows he dislike him and dislike being put in Jabberwock. Zenji will always send his poetry and probably most speakers would find it hard to understand his works, let alone reading them out loud 😭 Zenji himself would love to be the speaker but oh well~ still, it's an opportunity to spread positivity and hopefully he can brighten someone's day with his work.

[jello-library]

The Roommate Program (PT 2/?)

Finally part 2!! This one focus more on the reader/self insert!

Also I want to try writing the letters so you can get a feel of what being written instead of just getting vague descriptions!

I hope you enjoy it! 💛

Your first letter from your pen pal was…something else…to say the least. Paired with a prickly friendship bracelet. You felt like you opened Pandora's box with that first letter.

You sigh as you sit down in your office chair looking down at the blank sheet of paper nervously. What in the world do you write back? I mean, writing a letter about yourself is easy but continuing conversations is harder than it looks. What do you say now “Hey I heard you went to solitary confinement was it fun?” Like how you continue talking with him?!

Twirling the pen in your hands your wings twitch and flutter nervously. You joined the program because being a past patient at the Theraprism who managed to opt out of the recarnation ceremony praise the axolotl for that one. You thought it was nice to try to give back to them you know to show that redemption is worth the effort! You felt like you had a pleasant experience there or maybe because you were more cooperative than your peers.

But after the copious amount of interviews and several months of being on the waiting list.

You finally were met with a small envelope congratulating you on your approval into the program and your pen pal. You thought things were finally going well for a chance.

Until…you were brought to have a one-on-one conversation with THE Axolotl themselves you felt like maybe this wasn’t a good idea anymore…They wanted to talk about your pen pal, Bill Cipher. You were somewhat familiar with the name mostly being associated with the chaos he left in his wake.

He was a force to be reckoned with.

Was…

“He is someone who is quite..um…complex..” Look up from your teacup to glance at the other being across the table. The word “Complex” still feels like an understatement to you. The axolotl smiled down at your eyes laced with slight concern before continuing.

“I’ve read your file..” Shit. ”You seem to have been the star patient during your stay. Self-admitted leading to 500,000 years stay before you were released. The top storyteller during puppet hour.“

You can feel yourself getting hot with embarrassment as you sink into your seat. “Yeah, Dr.Oswald says he misses my shows…” You swirl around the remaining tea left within the cup. You don’t know what to say or why they brought you here to begin with. Did all the other participants go through this conversation as well?

“I already know why he joined the program. But I hope for a better outcome than another trip to Wellness Void and I think you can help me with that.”

Looking back down at the blank sheet of paper the pen feels more lighter in your hand now. Just breathe and relax if you mess up you can fix it later.

Dear Bill,

Sorry for my first letter being so plain I can honestly admit I’m a bit nervous about messing this up. I never knew how to talk to someone without it feeling awkward so this is a new step for me. As someone who used to be in the same position you’re in I feel like I can you some advice on how to make your stay less boring! Like, if you want to get out of group therapy it’s time to start taking advantage of art time!

Start doing big projects that take up time with this when art time is over you can ask to stay. But it’s important to say it so can present your piece to the next time group therapy session! Use this advice sparingly those counselors in there are nice but they ain’t dumb! Also if the vending machine is still in the cafeteria hold down on the C button it should give you an extra snack but it’s sadly randomized.

Well, I hope this letter finds you well and also thank you for the bracelet I hope to make you something special when I write to you again!

Sincerely,

██████

[coryoskywalker]

Save Me (Part two) Young! Coriolanus Snow x Reader

Description: Coriolanus and Reader finally admit their feelings. But at what cost?

Ps I also wrote this half asleep again so it’s not perfect like at all.

Coriolanus Snow kept his distance from yourself for the next few weeks. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable after spilling everything to you, but he couldn't deny the feeling in his heart. He wanted to spend more time with you. He couldn't explain what was happening to him, what this feeling in his heart was, and it was frustrating for him. So he kept his distance from you, hoping that perhaps, they would say something or come to him.

You had always been the perfect kid in your parents' eyes. You never gave them a reason to be upset and in turn, they wanted the best. That's why when they saw you couldn't find a suitor for yourself they stepped in and started arranging marriages like the good Capitol citizens they were. You felt so tired - all you wanted was a way out of her parents' clutches. But for now, you had to sit back and watch the suitors come into their home and beg for your hand in marriage.

You had to watch from the corner of the room as potential suitors came one by one to meet with you and your parents. You hated every bit of it. It was as if you had no choice. It didn't feel like people were asking for your hand because they wanted you, it felt like they wished to be tied to a family that was seen as prestigious. For weeks, this went on, each time leaving yourself feeling numb and dead. You wanted to run away, to tell your parents no but didn't know how.

Coriolanus was all you thought about. The past weeks had felt like forever. There wasn't a single day that you didn't think of Coriolanus, wondering what he did and where he could be. You felt like there was a small chance he liked you back, although you weren’t too sure. You had to be careful though since your mother and father often asked what you were thinking about. At first, the answer would be about nothing, but it quickly became, 'Coriolanus Snow'.

At first, you couldn't believe you were thinking a lot about Coriolanus Snow. He was never someone you had thought about, let alone be fascinated with. But you found herself always thinking of how you wanted to speak with him again. To tell him how you felt about him. You had never felt this way before and wasn't sure what it meant. But one thing was for sure -you wanted to see Coriolanus Snow again.

———————————————————————————

As you stood outside Coriolanus' door. You were feeling so awkward right now and a small part of you was regretting ever coming here. But you couldn't turn back now. You knocked on the door and waited for any response. Your heart was racing right now, you could feel your heart pounding in your ears. You didn't know what to do, what to say. Only a blank canvas was painted on your mind.

As you knocked on the door, the sound of footsteps were getting closer as Coriolanus opened the door. He looked at you and his face was blank for a moment. He hadn't expected to see yourself here, but then again, it would have been worse had you sent him a letter. Coriolanus stepped aside and opened the door fully. "Come in." He said. When you stepped into his apartment, closing the door behind you inhaled a deep breath as Coriolanus stepped back to observe you.

Coriolanus looked at you, seeing that you were nervous now. But how could you not be? You had just came unannounced to his apartment, something out of your own volition. "It's alright." He said calmly. "Is... there something you need?" He asked, noticing that you probably had a reason for coming here.

You paused for a moment unable to form any words. You sighed before admitting to him the cause of this late night interaction.

“My parents Coryo, they want me to have an arranged marriage assuming I’m not capable to find my respective suitor. They’re interviewing many suitors as we speak at home…I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t stay in that house any longer”. You told him.

Coriolanus stared at your face, letting his face go blank as soon as you admitted those words. Did he heard right? "An arranged marriage?" He asked softly. Something in him felt... strange at the mention of you having an arranged marriage. He wasn't sure what it was. Did he feel jealous? "Who are they making you marry?" He asked, looking into your eyes.

“I don’t know”. You shamelessly admit.

Coriolanus wanted to curse and shout when he heard your words. You couldn't have an arranged marriage. You were too smart and beautiful to be tied to some suitor just so your family could gain a good reputation. It felt wrong and cruel. Was your father just using you as a bargaining chip? Did he not care for your as a child, but rather see you as a way to gain power? Coriolanus felt a pang of shame as he thought about it. "Do you want to stay with me?" He asked.

“Are you sure?” You said with uncertainty.

Coriolanus looked at you, seeing now how worried you were. You were always a confident person, always knew what to do, always calm. But now you looked broken, tired and scared. He had no idea that you even could look that way. "Of course. You can stay as long as you want." Coriolanus said, his voice almost sounding soft.

Coriolanus watched as you stepped in and shut the door behind. Now, they were alone in this quiet apartment. It was just the two of them. Coriolanus couldn't help but feel a bit weird. You had never been to his apartment before and now... he felt a bit strange now that you’re in his home. He didn't knew what to say, how to act. All he could do was to look at you, who was now sitting on a chair, arms wrapped around your body.

Coriolanus went and grabbed a blanket, covering your cold body as they sat in the living room. The silence felt heavy and he wasn't sure what to say. Suddenly, they turned their head and their gaze met. Your eyes were soft, your face looked drained and dead tired. Coriolanus didn't spoke, he just looked at you. What was he supposed to say? They were alone, the silence was eating him alive as he felt his heart pounding. For a moment, Coriolanus felt like he could kiss you.

Coriolanus Snow looked at you, their gazes meeting yet again. He wanted to tell them how he felt since the day he met you. He wanted to hold you so close that all fear and anxiety would dissappear.

“Is this real?” Coriolanus questioned. Your eyes widen at his question, immediately understanding his question. Yes, yes it felt very much real to you but you didn’t know how to tell him. How to tell Coriolanus how much you liked, no, loved him.

"Please, assure me that what I'm feeling is real. The mere thought of not being by your side torments me. Knowing about your arranged marriage, I can't bear the uncertainty. I'm ready to risk it all for the chance to be with you," Coriolanus pleaded, holding your hand gently against his chest.

"Coryo, I... I'm at a loss for words," you stammered, unable to express your emotions. Sensing his disappointment, Coriolanus released your hand and took a step back. Panicking at the possibility of him misunderstanding, you seized his hand and pulled him close, silencing his doubts with a passionate kiss.

Little did they realize that fate had already woven the threads of their tragic tale, and every stolen glance, touch and kiss was a step closer to their inevitable downfall.

[sysmedsaresexist]

As someone who remembers how vile syscourse was just a few years ago, when I heard this blog experienced character devrlopment, I was shocked at first. When I found some posts explaining it, I was even more intrigued.

If anyone is open to it, I wouldn't mind a link to any explanation of how you fell into sysmedicalism and how you started unlearning it. I'm genuinely proud of you for that development, because changing your entire outlook on a topic is difficult, especially when you have people who support that old view but not the new one behind you. This isn't meant to be condescending, in case it is read that way.

Syscourse has only gotten more vile, honestly.

This ask kind of comes at an interesting time. Last night, I made a post about the TPA and my extreme hatred for them (that'll never change), but I linked a post from my second Twitter account, which brought me WAY back to my first active move in syscourse.

First off, hi, it's not condescending. I found it's a lot easier to talk about than I thought it would be. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought to say, "I was wrong and being hard-headed." I was expecting ego death, but instead, everyone has been so kind.

I was asked what made me switch sides, but as for my humble beginning...

I spent a good couple years just lurking and watching. I was out in therapy and quietly taking all these questions to my therapist. "Are endos real? Is DID really trauma based? Could I be endo? Is that what you become when you heal from DID?"

Suffice to say, not the healthiest questions. There was a lot of misinformation out there. Through talking to my therapist, I believed I was in the right, and I debated for a long time getting involved to talk about some of the more prominent myths about DID.

But then.

Then.

I met Bethany.

Well, I didn't meet her. She blocked me immediately. She was a social worker, and a pro endo, DID system, but I really didn't like the way she talked down to CDD systems.

She was actually huge on Twitter, she had her own website and everything for sex positive therapy, she was doing interviews, she made wild claims about what kind of work she had done in the field, sob stories about clients that didn't make it. She had just started something called the Dissociative Society of Canada.

She was BIG.

And she was a liar.

I'm actually genuinely curious if anyone remembers this, it was seriously a huge, DESTRUCTIVE event to hit BOTH communities.

The Dissociative Society of Canada was real. She started it. But she was not a social worker. Her stories weren't real.

Having done all the same schooling myself, in the same province, with the same rules, I knew she was lying, and I called her out for it.

The pro endo AND CDD community attacked me HARD. I was told I was harassing and stalking, I remember reading the post that called for people to mass report me and I remember the emails starting to flood in from Twitter from countries that required the email be sent for reports. The only posts I had made on Twitter had been about Bethany, but people were talking about who I must be as a person and why I was so angry and jaded and terrible.

Eventually, Bethany admitted it. She never publicly apologized. She made her board of directors do it for her in a letter about shutting down the society (they hadn't known either). I was able to get her listed as an unlicensed therapist to avoid (she's still on there). The Dissociative Society of Canada was shut down after only a year.

And I felt terrible. I hated myself. The posts that came out afterwards about how much people had loved Bethany and how their trust had been destroyed, people that had done therapy with her and were permanently damaged by the lie. She had given a lot of people hope, but it was all a lie.

That was my fault. If I hadn't said anything, I don't think she would have been caught. She was still in school to get her education, she wanted to become licensed, she just wasn't yet.

But it was illegal for her to be providing therapy and telling everyone she was a social worker. She used this title to shut down anyone who disagreed with her, even when she was clearly wrong.

It was a clusterfuck. I came out of it DESPISING endogenic systems for the harassment and misinformation, and the lies about ME. I hated the desire to ignore her unlicensed, illegal actions simply because she had been a prominent voice for the pro endo community (seriously, people wished I hadn't done it, that she had never been called out and had continued her work).

This was my first real interaction with the pro endo community. A lying POS and a bunch of endos lying about me.

I started JAS around that time, and we all know what happened from there. My first post was about the myth of the 10% non-traumagenic in the DSM (it's a misquote).

I don't want to say I wanted to replace Bethany-- I wanted to show how someone who wasn't licensed could still advocate without lies, I wanted to provide that same level of educated discussion, I actually heavily considered putting together a licensed team to start another dissociative society. I debated getting licensed to do it myself.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way.

I did get her Twitter url out of it when she deleted, though. My trophy.

Ending on a sad note, I suppose.

I was distrusting of the endo community, I was angry. I didn't trust anyone for a long time after this. Who would just go online and lie like that?

It took a really long time to get over it and let go of that anger and hurt.

Remember, don't trust anyone or anything on the internet. Fact check everyone and everything, even if you think you already know the answer, or think you know who someone is.

If she hadn't been such an actual bitch to people, I wouldn't have noticed. Seriously. This was the tweet that caught her, no therapist should talk like this to anyone. The concerns raised in the first image mirrored my own exactly, and I would not have appreciated being spoken to that way. I thought, if she IS licensed, she should be reprimanded. But I couldn't find her license, and thus began the downfall of Bethany Killen.

TL;dr if you're lying on the internet, be nice to people :)

While I didn't always live up to my own standards of civility (I can admit that), I TRIED to speak to endogenic systems as respectfully as possible, and my only goal was to NOT be like Bethany. Sometimes I failed, but at least I never claimed to be licensed.

The point is that I'm trying to be better every day. Finally admitting that I was pro endo made it a lot easier to be nice. I wasn't trying to hold up this charade anymore.

And finally, I want to remind everyone that it's not just "the other side" that can do damage or spread misinformation. Our own community can do damage if we don't call each other out, too.

The most damaging thing I've ever seen in syscourse came from another CDD system.

I think I've rambled enough, thank you!

[canonicallyobserving911]

Earlier, I read a take that said Shannon wasn't going to leave again and that she was taking time to get better so her and Eddie could be together later... 🤨😬🙄. It's interesting because in 2x17 she clearly said she was still learning how to be SOMEONE'S MOTHER (not Chris') and maybe someday, she could learn how to be SOMEBODY'S WIFE (not Eddie’s). Then she suggested they get a divorce. Therefore, if she was planning to return, she would have said something else like, "I'm still learning how to be Chris' mother and maybe when I'm better me and you can try again" but she didn't. After she admitted she wasn't pregnant, Eddie said, "It doesn't change anything" but she said "It does for me". It appears she changed her outlook on the life she wanted when she realized she didn't want to do the things she did before, i.e., be in a family with him and Chris again simply because she was pregnant.

Plesase understand all the words in the scripts are INTENTIONAL so they shouldn't be cherry picked to be meaningful for some while they're brushed off for others.

(A related post on the raggedy ass "Vertigo" storyline TM included for Eddie.)

I don't see where she was planning to be with them again, especially since she WROTE CHRIS A LETTER YEARS BEFORE EDDIE CALLED HER TO INTERVIEW AT DURAND and she brought it up to Eddie for the first time after she found out she wasn't pregnant. She admitted her not being pregnant changed things for her so it clearly wasn't a coded message.

Everyone consumes media differently but the words she said were INTENTIONAL and she was direct about not wanting to be there when she wrote "I love you baby, even if it's from a distance" to Chris. What part of that screams she wanted to be a wife and a mom?

NONE!

It appears some people are just as delusional as Eddie is about his marriage to Shannon. He's romanticizing it and so are some viewers and it might be because they can't fathom the idea that some women don't want to be mothers. There are some who don't and they call themselves "Childfree by choice". However, there are some who won't openly admit it for fear of being ridiculed by other women who can't believe or who won't accept they can and do have a choice.

Based on Shannon's actions and the things she said, it appears she didn't want to be a mom but she didn't verbalize it. If she didn't want to be a mother then she should have told Eddie that instead of leaving a note that she needed time too but she didn't. She thought she would get a second chance to come back and be in Chris' life after Eddie was done raising him but she should have been careful about what she wished for (the name of the episode she died in) because time doesn't wait for anyone.

[ladysophiebeckett]

You made me want to rewatch ysblf and it made me realize that Armando is lowkey actually kind of insane? He goes from barely noticing Betty to getting real intense about her. He blurred the professional and personal lines way before the plan. Like why was he so upset to find out she had a boyfriend? He really expected her to confide in him with such a private matter. He was just his boss even if he treated in a special way like he states, but then again, why do that in the first place? I think you mentioned that there was no way this is how he treated his prev secretary which is honestly very interesting and speaks volumes about when his feelings for her started to deepen without even realizing it. Of course we know It wasn’t true that she was dating Nicolas, but even if she had had a bf for real, she still wouldn’t have told him. She was really reserved and constantly tried to keep her personal life private before their affair. And also they way he reacted after Charlie Zaa kissed her on the cheek and she got all excited? And to react like that with Marcela in close proximity?

It almost makes me wish her supposed bf had been someone other than Nicolas bc since he was aware of everything and involved with Terramoda it was easy for Mario to become paranoid of his true intentions with Betty and pass this on to Armando, but with someone else in the picture that was not involved on their business in any way? His whole jealousy would have been very hard to disguise. Or would Mario still find a way to get paranoid and suspicious? Was she really not allowed to have a love life while Ecomoda was hers? This part is crazy to me. Love and business was mixed so well in the series. There’s this whole ambiguity regarding Armando’s feelings and about the reason of his reactions that adds so much to the story and makes him a very complex character. I had watched lfmb before and Lety’s revenge wasn’t enjoyable to me because the filler they added before she read the letter made it very obvious that Fernando was in love with her and already wanted to cancel his wedding to be with her instead, he flat out admits this out loud whereas Armando tried to deny his feelings for so long, put on a façade in front of Mario even when it was no longer believable that even he had to call him out on it, all of this made this whole arc very satisfying to watch as a viewer. End of this whole discourse lol sorry it took me so long and it’s all over the place but your comments are spot on always so I wanted to share my unsolicited thoughts with you. Thank you ☺️

You made me want to rewatch ysblf and it made me realize that Armando is lowkey actually kind of insane?

I know i say he's insane here (lmao) but I gotta defend him and say you know, perhaps he is just intense? (it's both). I've said before he's very emotional (and not very rational) and he has an ego (and he's insecure). You combine those these traits (plus a child of nepotism who has never been denied anything) and you get Armando.

He goes from barely noticing Betty to getting real intense about her. He blurred the professional and personal lines way before the plan. Like why was he so upset to find out she had a boyfriend? He really expected her to confide in him with such a private matter.

Betty impressed him from the interview when she said, 'I know I can learn a lot from you'. Fed his ego a little bit but also Betty's honesty brings out a tender look in Armando's eyes. Softens him. Also, despite what everyone says, he really did want a secretary that could do actual work. Aside from not wanting to hire Patricia bc he didn't want Marcela spying on him.

Armando, despite having everything one could dream of having in life, has never had someone in his corner without asking for anything in return. Let's backtrack real quick---His dad voted for Daniel to be president, despite the fact that its said that Daniel has never worked at Ecomoda. Armando got the extra vote he needed from Marcela, whom he discussed marriage with days before the vote. So all he knows is transactional relationships and how any kind of support is conditional. His animosity towards Daniel stems from competition that Roberto instilled. Armando has no idea what loyalty looks like or what it means to be unconditional to someone. Until he meets Betty.

If Armando is insane about Betty in one way, then so is Betty in her loyalty to him. She held onto his agenda like she was asked even tho it got her fired, she turned down a top dollar bribe even tho it could have helped her family (and felt terrible for contemplating it when she confessed it to him), she helped him cover his affairs with other models, she helped him commit financial fraud, she helped him set up a company so the banks wouldn't jump him. Who does that? An insane person (who's terribly in love with their boss).

Armando has never had someone in his life that he didn't have to share, who isn't related to anyone he hated, who he doesn't have to make backend deals with to get what he wants. For the first time he has someone who's on his side and no one else's.

And in the middle of all of that, she becomes his friend. His confidant. His co-schemer. He's instilled so much trust in her. Allowed her to know so much about him. Things that Marcela doesn't even know. In return, he's met her family (bc as a mutual said, they are always together), she later confesses to him that she lied to her dad about how she started off as his secretary (not assistant). He feels, up until the embargo happens, that he knows her.

But then he hears she has a boyfriend and suddenly he feels a sense of betrayal. Why didn't she confide this personal information with him when he probably gave her his social security number? (and also his company but he's not even thinking about the company when he hears the possibility that she has a boyfriend). Now suddenly he has to share her?? (Mi Betty tiene novio??) That all that loyalty, admiration, and devotion she's shown him up until that moment might not be his at all. On top of that, he realizes that he may not know her as well as he thought and that she may not want him to know her like she knows him. And I think that both offends and hurts him.

The lines from Armando's POV become blurred first because of all the above. The more he trusts her, the more he depends on her, (which scares Mario btw). ect. But it's different for Betty because she is very aware of the lines and when the affair portion starts, she begins to struggle with it.

Of course we know It wasn’t true that she was dating Nicolas, but even if she had had a bf for real, she still wouldn’t have told him. She was really reserved and constantly tried to keep her personal life private before their affair

She absolutely would not have told him and the only reason the cuartel thought she had a thing for Nicolas was bc Mariana read her the cards and the cards implied that there was a man in Betty's life and they teased her about it. She used Nicolas's name to cover up her growing feelings for Armando as a consequence of her attempting to keep her private life private. And the sad thing about that is once Armando gets word about Nicolas and the boyfriend rumors, Betty writes in her diary that she fears something bad will happen. And, u know, it does.

And also they way he reacted after Charlie Zaa kissed her on the cheek and she got all excited? And to react like that with Marcela in close proximity?

Jealous of the way she enjoyed Charlie Zaa's attention, straight up forgot Marcela was there. Also, the fact that for a nanosecond she admired another man that wasn't him.

...but with someone else in the picture that was not involved on their business in any way? His whole jealousy would have been very hard to disguise. Or would Mario still find a way to get paranoid and suspicious?

Mario would still find a way to be suspicious. If it was someone, say for example, some old co worker from the bank she worked at--We'll call him Bank Guy. If Bank Guy was Betty's BF, Mario would say 'Well how do we know we can really trust her when she didn't tell you that Nicolas was working for Terramoda? How do we know she won't also tell Bank Guy about the embargo? How do we know she won't also give a job to Bank Guy?' It would still bother Armando that she didn't tell him about hypothetical Bank Guy bc he thought they had a reciprocal friend\schemer\employee\boss relationship (you're right, he's insane).

Was she really not allowed to have a love life while Ecomoda was hers?

This requires an essay length response bc BOY do I have thoughts on this!!!! Short Answer: In Armando's eyes, NO. Because that's his Work Wife.

....I had watched lfmb before and Lety’s revenge wasn’t enjoyable to me because the filler they added before she read the letter made it very obvious that Fernando was in love with her and already wanted to cancel his wedding to be with her instead...

I watched LFMB when was like, 16, and have gone back a couple times to rewatch some scenes and no--Lety's gaslighting arc doesn't hit the same. Even tho I will always defend LFMB's 'before the letter filler arc' bc its cute, it makes the story lose its pacing. Betty has to read the letter right after the second night, right as Armando feelings are at a high point so that their roles are reversed. Lety and Fernando aren't as calculating, they're too emotional (crybabies), their romance reads like two infantile adults who grew up lonely. Betty and Armando are not like that at all. They're set up as soulmates, but their inner problems as people are not identical.

...whereas Armando tried to deny his feelings for so long, put on a façade in front of Mario even when it was no longer believable that even he had to call him out on it, all of this made this whole arc very satisfying to watch as a viewer.

LFMB really robs Fernando of this bc they didnt want him to be unlikable. Armando at the beginning of the story is not someone you wanna see get the girl, but that's part of his journey. And modern audiences dont understand that. Fernando not hiding his love for Lety doesn't hit the same as watching Armando fight with himself and making excuses for his feelings and then finally witnessing him say to an empty office 'Armando Mendoza you're in love for the first time in your life and it's with Beatriz Pinzon Solano'.

That is the build up audiences are waiting for with a character like Armando and when Fernando does it....It's doesn't hit and it's not as memorable.

[armpirate]

Kalla | Choi San || Chapter 14

MASTERLIST Previous || Next

Pairings: CEO!San x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers.

Warnings: dom!San, sub!reader, voyeourism, use of sex toys, bondage, dirty talk, BDSM, exhibitionism, rough sex.

Summary: She was surprised by how fast her life went from the perfect fairytale to the destructive mess it had turned into. Dealing with a cheater ex boyfriend, having to move out to a different place because the house she lived in belonged to that man she once dreamed of spending the rest of her life with, while continuously being underappreciated at work... It was as if life was telling her to stop dreaming big, to go back to her small town, Bibury, and help her parents run the small farm her family had owned for decades.

At least until she received a call from her friend.

A sudden vacancy as an assistant showed up on one of her friend's system, having her being encouraged to take that big step and apply for it. She had no hopes for it. Mainly because she didn't have any experience on the field, and she didn't comply with most of the requirements that were added on the offer -and which most of them sounded ridiculous and exaggerated for the position, making her wonder who was the freak who needed so many guidelines in order to hire someone to pick up the phone and schedule events. 

Although that hotel she'd be working on was much more than anything she could've come up with. 

Choi San wasn't someone easy to deal with. After his previous assistant presented his resignation letter on his desk, he felt forced to start the whole selection process again -after merely two months. 

Sure that he was being way too strict, enough to find that anyone who applied for the position wasn't enough, he asked one of his friends to be in charge of the interviews and the selection of the most adequate candidate. 

Little did he know Wooyoung would hire the imperfectly perfect candidate for him, sure that she'd help him in many ways other than just in dealing with the responsibilities of his position. 

A new challenge will come their way as soon as she steps inside the hotel. 

Y/n will have to learn how to mold onto him and deal with all his small habits and requirements, and San will find himself trying to open up and let out all those same things that turned him into the person he was. 

The more she digs in Kalla and all of its secrets and exciting corners, the deeper she'll dive into San's heart and soul... Although, maybe, she won't be able to take it. 

Kalla opens its doors to you, sharing the vast amount of filthy and erotic plans it offers, and that you can join with a partner... Or maybe just by yourself. 

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Chapter duration: 18 minutes

Misuk exited San's office minutes later, coming out with a victorious smile and a superior pose while she walked across the small space Y/n occupied to lead others to her boss. Her jaw was clenched just by watching the way her hips swayed with each step, and it made her furious to think about San running to her when he was telling her minutes before to meet up again because he liked what happened between them enough to repeat it.

The real question was why she felt annoyed about it, when it shouldn't matter to her at all. Not even a little bit.

—Oh, look who we have here —Wooyoung peeked through the door with a mischievous smile.

—Oh, hi —she smiled—. How are you?

—Wow, your Korean got so good in just a few weeks —he applauded, stepping inside her office.

Y/n couldn't help but scoff, shaking her head before looking back at the man in front of her, who hid his hands inside the pockets of his black pants, moving the edges of his blazer back so he'd be able to fit them right.

—I should've sent you an email to do a follow up, but it's been a messy few weeks —he admitted, pressing his lips together after switching back to English.

—It's alright —she shrugged—. I didn't really expect you to do that follow up either.

It wasn't like she was treated that way in her previous job. Actually, San was an angel compared to her previous boss. She was thrown to that new position, and all those new responsibilities without an adaptation period. As soon as she stepped in that office, she was expected to do all of the tasks that were done by the team, formed by professionals that had been working in the company for more than five years. At least San allowed her to go at her own pace, and gave her some freedom to act how she needed, and even presented her properly the few times they had been outside together.

—Still, it's important to do it —he insisted—. Just in case you need anything.

Y/n just nodded, knowing they would enter a loop if she decided to again tell him it wasn't necessary.

—And —he moved his head, suddenly interested in her answer—, how's the beast treating you?

San opened the door to his office suddenly, having Wooyoung looking at him surprised at the sudden and brusque sound.

—The beast is treating her fine —San rushed to answer—. Do you have to name me that way?

He never was bothered at Wooyoung teasing him, it was something that was included in their friendship and that he even found funny most of the time. Except when he heard Y/n giggling at that sentence, indirectly agreeing that he was indeed a beast, who earned that nickname with every reason.

—Yeah, he's alright —Y/n answered when Wooyoung switched his gaze from him to her.

—What do you need? —San asked, taking one step forward.

—Well, I'm leaving for Boston in a few hours, and I wanted to meet up with you before —Wooyoung suggested—. Just a coffee. Y/n, do you want to come?

That was the chance she had been waiting for to sneak inside his office and delete her name off that list. San was going to leave his computer unattended, and luckily Wooyoung would keep him entertained for, at least, thirty minutes before he came back and closed himself there.

—No —she shook her head, first looking at San and then at Wooyoung—, no. I need to do some things, but thank you.

San left with his friend, dedicating one last look at Y/n before closing the door behind him. He actually preferred her to stay there so he could talk with his friend about a few things, her being included among all of those things.

—So, what's new? —Wooyoung asked, slowing his pace to walk next to San.

—Well, I'm okay —he lied—. Everything's going well, everything's going perfect. The investors are happy, I'm happy... the hotel is working well. Well, well, well. Everything's great.

—Oh lord, you're talking nonsense —his huff fell big on San's shoulders—. What did you do?

—It's what I didn't do —San confessed—. Shall we go to one of the tables at the back?

San was never picky to the different seats, he only did when he needed to discuss something that he didn't want others to hear. That way was how his friend knew that, whatever was messing with his head, was important. And he waited until the two of them carried their coffees to their table to ask.

—What is it? —Wooyoung sat in front of him, moving his head to encourage San to speak— Is it about the hotel? No, you wouldn't have bothered to move at the back of the restaurant for that. Sex? You met someone? Oh shit, you got someone pregnant.

His hiss stopped Wooyoung from continuing his one-sided interrogatory, stopping the next big group of words coming out of his mouth by speaking softly.

—I didn't get anyone pregnant —Wooyoung sipped on his coffee while San looked around nervously—. I think it's even worse.

—Worse? —he frowned— Oh shit, you got a venereal disease? I knew those games you played would have consequences.

—No, it's not that. I'm clean. And, for your information, there's a higher chance you get a std anywhere else than here.

—Okay, then what is it? —Wooyoung finally insisted— I can't play the Guess What? all day.

—I'm attracted to someone —San finally admitted.

Wooyoung's shoulders fell, while his lips went back to a straight line while he stared deeply at San. He was clearly disappointed at the confession, or the lack of details, at least.

—And that's it?

—The problem is who it is —San looked around nervously, trying to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation—. I don't even know how to look at her in the eyes with the things that cross my mind...

—Please, don't tell me it's Misuk. That woman is annoying as hell, and I'm sure you can do way better.

—It's not Misuk.

—Then tell me who it is, because you're driving me nuts —Wooyoung finally exclaimed, slightly hitting the border of the table with his palms.

—It's Y/n, and I really don't know why. I don't even know where it came from —his hand scratched his temple—. One day she was just there, and I couldn't control it. She pops in my head at random times, I can't stop thinking about kissing her and, fuck, that the most innocent thing among all the things I think about her. I'm a shitty person —San tried to hide his face behind his palms.

—Y/n? —Wooyoung questioned, puckering his lips while nodding— I can see why.

—Huh?

—She's smart, she's nice, she's lovely... Of course you are attracted —the naturality in which he spoke confused San even more.

—And she's my employee.

—As if that could be a problem —Wooyoung added, squinting his eyes—. As long as she agrees, I can't see why it'd be bad. Think of her as a coworker.

—That I'm paying to work for me.

—And who's also a woman before being an employee —he replied back—. The important detail isn't if she works for you, but if she's attracted to you, too. Did you notice something?

While trying to drive back into his thoughts, San noticed all the small gestures that led him to the biggest silence. There wasn't a small sign that he could use to ever think Y/n felt attracted to him. Not a single one.

—Nah, I doubt she likes me —San shook his head, sighing before sipping on his coffee.

—It's normal. I bet you've been a pain in the ass —Wooyoung scolded him—. You need to be more gentle with her, appeal to her soft side. And then go to the rough side.

—Forget it. It's better if I just forget about her —his lips curved in disgust—. Even if it was mutual, I doubt things would go further than an uncomfortable experience in the bedroom, that'd be left half done. And even if it turned out well, I'm not sure she'd agree with what I like. I don't want to go through the same thing that happened... Well, you know what I'm talking about.

—It wasn't your fault —Wooyoung tried to make him feel better—. You didn't force her to do anything. She tried to push her limits way too far, until she wasn't able to handle it.

Either way, it was a way better decision to go on with someone he had met in one of those clubs than trying his luck with someone who was new in that world. At least that way he was sure he'd connect with that other person, with not an inconvenience that could take his sleep away for weeks.

—If you want my advice, either find someone new to take her out of your head, or try things with Y/n —Wooyoung simply shrugged, unable to find better advice—. It's the first time I've seen you like this for a person.

Which made it even more messed up.

—I even hooked up with someone last night. It was amazing —he admitted—. But I still can't stop thinking about her, and the fact that this other girl hasn't texted me doesn't make things better.

—Honestly, I see it quite clearly —Wooyoung puckered his lips—. Pay attention to Y/n's signs, and if it's all alright, then try to go out with her, test the chemistry... you know what I mean.

There were many things that could go wrong with Wooyoung's idea. The first one being Y/n feeling offended by his attempt on trying to be alone with her, or just himself misunderstanding her signs and creating a huge problem that he didn't need.

—By the way, isn't next week your mother's anniversary?

—Yeah, I'm planning on going to London —at some point, he just stopped drinking, moving his spoon in circles inside the cup—. Y/n is also coming with me. I'll meet up with some suppliers, and I thought it'd be nice for her to meet them all in person.

He could only sigh and roll his eyes when he was aware of Wooyoung's expression when he mentioned Y/n. He was going to regret ever telling his friend anything of what was going on with her, and all the problems that had come along with it.

While she started his computer, Y/n could only think of the big issue: it'd be if his screen was locked, or if the file was blocked behind a code. But she was relieved to see that things were working out in her favor, with the computer unlocking with the click of just one button, and the file opening up automatically -probably he had the code saved so it'd open directly from that device.

Her lip was trapped in between her teeth while her eyes constantly checked over her shoulder the door that was half opened, feeling her heart beating reaching a whole different level of speed while she fought her own needs to start crying at any time.

She jumped when she read her name, choosing the line she was at to remove herself, leaving no trace of her participation at the Spadix.

It didn't matter how she was curious about his reaction about her being the person he slept with, it was better off without him knowing.

While a sigh of relief escaped her lungs, and took away all preoccupation, her eyes fell on the headline of a printed headline he had under the support of his laptop. It took her a few seconds to manage to make up one word out of all the characters, leading up to an intrigue that had her trying to get more out of it.

Scandal in...

Before she could continue, she heard a hawk in front of her. San had one of his hands inside his pockets, while his body took most part of the door frame while he stared at her with a serious expression.

—Do you need anything?

—Hmm —her eyes ran around her surroundings, trying to find something that could help her, only to spot his computer still on—. I noticed your computer was on, so I came here to lock it while you were away.

His steps sounded heavy, yet calm, while he walked in her direction, feeling his gaze intensifying the way he was judging her until he stopped in front of her.

—And since I'm here to help you —she continued, feeling her saliva going thicker with each word—, I was...

Having him so near did nothing good to her. The images of the previous night started feeling her brain with short flashbacks, that had her cursing at herself for being unable to focus and even daring to glance a few times down his lips.

—What was I saying? —she asked, looking back at his brown eyes.

—That you were helping me —he tilted his head.

It was as if the universe was planning on making things harder for him after he convinced himself of the solution to all of his problems. And why was she subtly biting her lips that way from the inside?

—Are you free later? —he inquired with a low tone.

—What?

—I need to discuss something with you, and I thought it'd be better to do it somewhere else. Are you free later? —he repeated.

—Yeah, sure...

Y/n quickly damned it when she noticed where she was heading herself to, knowing that it was way too late to take back that unconscious answer while San walked next to her to sit in his chair.

—We'll leave together, then —he suggested—. Now if you don't mind... —he pointed at the door.

Her body reacted fast, nodding while she headed to the door, questioning with a simple gesture -like holding the knob- whether she should close it or leave it open. And just like he did when he first arrived, he requested her to leave the door open for him.

Ever since they agreed on meeting up, Y/n tried to come up with the smallest excuse to escape and hide in her home. Something deep inside her ruined her own plans, that small wish to see him in an environment that wasn't the office got control of all of her working brain cells, always getting in the middle of one of her ideas because they got interrupted with a spark of excitement.

She was in his car, with her hands resting uncomfortably on her lap while she tried to focus anywhere else but the man who was driving at her left.

The main reason why San chose to drive away from the hotel, and talk calmly with her in a restaurant nearby, was because he wanted to feel like they were on a neutral ground, and Kalla clearly wasn't one. He also spent most of his day inside the hotel, he barely went out of it, so he also used it as an excuse to escape his routine.

After he parked the car, Y/n followed him up close, stepping inside the big luxurious restaurant. The gray and black tones on the floor, ceilings and walls gave it an intimate atmosphere, in contrast with the blue chairs and tablecloths that made it look appealing -surprising her, because she never thought those colors would work together. It wasn't like she ever cared for the furniture or colors in places, until she had to find a way to keep herself from looking at San's wide back in front of her, clothed under that white shirt and the black vest that made it seem even wider.

She looked at him when San sat in front of her, getting comfortable on the chair while looking at the table, without glaring a single look at her.

—You probably wonder why we're here.

—Yeah, kinda —with a blink, she realized she was maybe a little bit too honest—. I meant that I'm curious why we're here, instead of talking about what you wanted back in the office.

—I thought this would be calmer —he admitted.

If so, she thought it was more dangerous.

—How are you feeling in your position? —San asked.

—Well, it's been a few weeks already —she subtly coughed, only interrupting what she was going to say so they'd order their drinks—. I think it's okay. I'm happy with my tasks, and I do what's on my hand to complete them.

—I noticed that.

San was impressed when he overheard a robotic voice from outside his office, only to notice it was Y/n's phone while using the translator to be able to communicate with the clients that called.

—The real question is if you're happy with my work.

He felt damned when her eyes looked at him under her eyelashes, looking innocent and coy while she waited for his answer.

—You're doing okay. You do what's expected from you, you've been of big help, and your Korean is improving with each day, so I can't really say anything bad —he took a sip of his wine—. I know I've been a bit tough with you, but sometimes I think it's needed to get things done just as they should —he justified—. What I mean is that if you ever think that it's a bit too much, just tell me —he simplified, having her nodding while pressing her lips—. If something ever goes beyond you, I want you to know you can count on me. Said this —suddenly, his features relaxed into a fond smile that allowed her to see those deep dimples—: tell me about you.

—About me?

—Yeah, we've been working together for almost a month, and I don't know anything about you.

—Well, I worked doing a lot of things in my previous position, which makes it hard to be concrete on what I worked on. So let's just say I did a bit of everything, including finishing works nobody wanted to finish —she shrugged.

—Is that the company you were in before here?

—Yup —Y/n nodded with a cheerful tone—. It was awful. And thank god I found this opportunity, because that place was testing my self-esteem —San looked worried, momentarily frowning and tilting his head—. I wasn't appreciated for the work I did, and most of the time they'd give the merit to someone else. It was awful. I remember....

She cut herself up, feeling like she was being way too honest about her feelings with someone that could use those same feelings against her at any time.

—What about you? Aren't you way too young to be the owner of such a big hotel?

—I'm not sure age has anything to do with what you can do.

—But it has to do with the resources you have to be able to do it —she answered back.

—Most of the income came from the investors —San laid his back against the backrest—, and it still keeps coming from them, apart from the profits of the hotel itself —his tongue poked against the skin under his lower lip—. Good connections do big things.

—Especially if one of the investors is after you —she mumbled, hiding her mouth behind the glass.

—What?

—Just that it seems like a lot of work —she lied—. I don't understand. This idea just came out of nowhere?

—More or less —he puckered his lips while nodding—. I met the right people while I lived in London, I guess.

—Oh yeah, Wooyoung mentioned that.

—Talking about that: Next week I'm going to London to solve some issues, and I think it'd be a good idea if you came as well —he suggested—. I'll be meeting up with suppliers and partners, and it'd be better for us to work on it if you're in the same time zone. You could also take the chance to visit your family.

The spark in her eyes forwarded him of the excitement she felt over being part of a work trip, and also being able to visit her friends and family just a month after leaving.

—You can think about it and give me an answer...

—Yeah, it'd be great —she interrupted, telling him her answer before he could even contemplate the possibility of her saying no.

San froze on the spot at her sudden confirmation, never expecting her to answer so quickly.

While they had dinner, he tried to guide her through all the tasks she'd have to do. First of all, booking their plane tickets and the hotel where they'd be staying the few days they were in London. And later all the meetings and lunches she'd have to convene with the people he needed to meet. Only leaving one of the days without anything to do, because he wanted to visit his mother's grave for her anniversary.

Y/n felt relaxed throughout the dinner, getting rid of all those uncomfortable vibes and careful words so she wouldn't mess things up with her boss. It actually was nice. San made her feel carefree, giggling at some of the jokes he made about some of the suppliers, or after he pointed out some funny quotes from his time living in London.

On their way to her place, after she had tried to persuade him to get her a taxi instead, her eyes kept flying to his perfectly carved profile, noticing how sharp his jawline was, but also noticing the few freckles on his neck.

That man wasn't only attractive, but he also had the power to make a woman weak with his personality. But why did he show her that side of him? It could be it was only to make her comfortable, probably Wooyoung called him out on the coffee break they had together. In either case, Y/n felt doomed. A few hours back, she found it easy to resist him because of his distant personality. If he seemed more approachable, how was she going to be able to draw him on a whole different level to hers?

—It's here —she whispered, pointing at the three-floored building at the corner.

—Oh, this is a good neighborhood —he pointed out, resting his arm on the wheel after he stopped the car.

—Yeah, it's not bad —she nodded—. Where I lived before moving here, in London, there was a pub right down our building, and it was awful, especially on football days —she admitted, sighing—So I'm used to it. It's even calmer here.

—Well, it's on purpose so you don't miss it back home too much.

—So funny —she squinted her eyes.

There was a moment when their eyes were connected together, and neither of them was able to break it. San thought that dinner would probably remind him of that distance he needed to keep, but seeing Y/n so close, and so natural, only made things worse for him. And that same feeling didn't change for her, who found herself fighting her inner demons even harder the few times her eyes moved down his lips.

—It was a good dinner —he smirked.

—It was —she quickly nodded—. We should do it more often.

While he nodded in agreement, he didn't know when his body started moving to her, and she didn't know when she started closing her eyes, but it sure felt good.

Her lips were soft and warm while she kissed him back, lightly parting her lips to suck his lower lip. And somehow, her taste and the way she felt was familiar to him. He probably had imagined it so many times that he thought he had kissed her before in real life.

Y/n was trapped the second she felt his hands on each side of her neck, breathing heavily against her lips before he changed the perspective of the kiss. He wasn't as rough as he was the previous night, and he didn't feel as confident either, allowing her to take the lead despite him being the one holding her. His silent groan when she placed her hand on his thigh to find some support dragged her deeper in delusion, instead of bringing her back into reality, remembering pretty well how good he sounded, and how perfect he looked when he only had eyes for her.

San was her boss. That was the sudden thought she had when the idea of him going home with her clouded her mind. She made that mistake once, she couldn't repeat it again.

—We can't do this —her voice sounded shaky when she first spoke, only lowering her gaze to break the kiss.

—It's... why?

—You're my boss, this isn't alright —she finally moved back—. Let's just forget about this.

The click of her seatbelt echoed in his brain even harder than her words, unable to say a word while she just kept insisting it couldn't happen again while stepping outside the car.

She was right. He didn't know what was going through his head. 

Taglist: @brown88

[wotcherangie]

WHY LETTUCE CONFESSION TO RYOU IS NOT THE END BUT THE BEGINNING - A love letter to every fellow shipper

I know I am going totally on the opposite direction of so many Ryoutasu fellow shippers, but this post (more of an essay) is for you, or, better said, for us <3

I am here to say how much I loved this episode, even thought it left me heartbroken and devastated, because, as I have already said in many answers and posts, I am here for Retasu’s character arc and development and Ryou has a major, and emotional, role in that. Love is love, it is not beautiful just when it has a happy ending, it is also beautiful for how many emotions it gives you, for how much it makes you feel alive. For Retasu it is love and it is real, even though it got her heartbroken, maybe mostly because of that.

Because, despite the final outcome, Ryou cares about her, about her feelings well and her feeling worthy, nothing is gonna change that.

But let’s move along on why I loved this episode so much as a Ryoutasu shipper:

• First of all I really liked how focused she was on the mission: even though her interest towards Ryou, even though she was clearly excited at the idea to spend the day with him, even though they were so close, EXTREMELY CLOSE to each other… she repeatedly told herself to focus on the mission, she even did researched about the museum, cause even thought she was going out with the boy she was in love with, she was also a Mew Mew. Really proud of that attitude, it resonate so much with producers interviews when they spoke about the girls not having to give up on anything, so she could handle both being in love and being a Mew Mew. YOU GO GIRL!

• Secondly, I really, deeply ADORED how during the whole episode, Retasu’s thoughts were about her falling in love with Ryou and WHY: her realizing that his words of kindness and encouragement were one of the reason she fell for him (as I said before, so different for the “falling for the handsome guy” trope), recalling his words, his smile, his gentle touch, you can felt how she treasured those moments and how much her feelings have grown, more and more, almost to the point to become unbearable.

She even admit herself she has tried to hide it, just for the purpose of not risking to suffer because of it, and this is the most human aspect of all, maybe the most relatable: we all pretend to not like or being into someone just not to suffer anymore; better being safe, faking a smile and daydreaming than taking the risk and being open and honest about our feeling, right?

That is where Retasu this time draws the line and decided not to lie to herself anymore.

Better risk and live than fake and not living at all. And that is why I am going straight to my final point.

• Finally, Retasu confesses her feelings. Are we really gonna not talk about AMAZING is this?

The most insecure and shy of all the Mew, the one that suffered rejection the most.. that makes the first step and fully open her heart to someone, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.

After 20 years we finally have a girl that not only admits to herself she is in love with someone but that after the loneliness, after being bullied, after the rejection of friends and people around her… takes all her courage and makes, for the first time, the first move, even though if that would mean to risk it all, even if that could mean being rejected, cause face your fears and deal with your feelings and with yourself is more important than anything. She has shown a courage that most of the people don’t have, she was so incredibly brave that I couldn’t actually believed that.

Ryou himself, without even knowing, gave her that kind of courage and, alongside Ichigo and the others, made her able to being so brave: he was not only the guy she fell for but also the guy that made her being able to fall for someone in the first place, he is the very first reason she is able to declare her love for him, and he clearly realize the weight of that after her confession.

It is clear now, that even though he deeply cares about her, he doesn’t love her back, but that doesn’t matter. Not only because Retasu and Ryou character arcs are intertwined but at the same time has to be separated despite being or not being in a relationship with each other (as it should be in every relationship), but because him not being able to love her back is a necessary step during their respective growth, at least from my personal POV.

Having him love her back with no reason just because he sees how kind and strong she is would’ve been too simple, at the same time, her being loved back at her first try would’ve been too easy and would’ve stopped her growth. Growth is only possible when there is struggle (unfortunately XD).

Ryou is a complex character, with a specific mission and goal, a lonely boy damaged because of a lot of big traumas that has to deal with, his heart and mind are focused on revenge (not really the brightest or easiest path) and wouldn’t even dare to think about girlfriends and relationships, not now at least, not yet. I believe that Ryou sees himself sometimes as unworthy of love, especially by someone he has forced to fight, especially by someone as kind and as pure as Retasu. So his answer to her is totally in character and totally believable, so sincere and honest, even though it hurts.

So what do we have now? Is this the end? Nope. Actually, this is where the real stuff begins!

They are both aware of each other and how they feel about each other.

We have Ryou, who deeply care about Retasu and is now aware of her feelings for him and also of the fact that she is fine with that - yeah, she cried in Zakuro’s arms, but she surely acted strong in front of him, so he knows how mature and dedicated she is, not only to him but to the Mew project, to her teammates, to her friends.

And than we have Retasu, that after confessing to him did the final step breaking out her shell: now she is completely vulnerable, she is hurt, wounded… but she is also so much stronger.

And from this point, from now on, we can finally build. More dynamic between them, more characters growth (Retasu has to find her Mew Aqua after all, Ryou will have to deal with the ghosts of his past), Retasu being completely herself and honest in front of him even if that hurts, him seeing her as the strong girl that she is.

People are seeing the confession as a step backwards thinking about the OG anime, but I actually consider it a HUGE STEP FORWARD: no more space to interpretation or misunderstanding. That girl is in love with Ryou, she is gonna protect him at all cost and she will eventually move on OR grow even stronger feelings the more we proceed with the main lore.

I cannot wait to discover how both of them will grow from now on and how this episode will affect the future ones. Cause they were my OTP even when nobody even believed they could be a thing, they surely remains my OTP now that I saw how much potential they have and how strong her feelings are, how powerful she has become thanks to this amazing bond that still remains one of the most beautiful in the whole TMM serie, no matter what.

P.S. oh, yeah, final bitter note to anyone reading this: one day I will understand why people bothers so much explaining why THIS pairing should not being canon or being shipped in the first place. You are so bothered and annoyed by one of the healthiest and most beautiful relationship (platonic or romantic) in the whole fandom while at the same time seems to have no problem in shipping basically anything else, even the non canon/one sided/fanon/most toxic ones. Having your own opinion and personal taste about something is fair, letting people enjoy a show or a ship it is EVEN MORE FAIR. Don’t be a hater, there is space and room for everyone.

[imitationgame77]

Musings on "(Faked/Temporary/Apparent) Death of A Significant Other" in Fiction

[Mentions contents from Network Effect (The Murderbot Diaries), Sherlock Holmes, BBC Sherlock, and House, M.D. (Season 8), Good Omens. So, potential spoiler]

Losing someone you love is probably the most traumatising experience that can change you forever. In "Life Change Index" by Holmes and Rahe which gives a score (max=100) that indicates how much stress a mojor/minor change in life causes. Since even potentially good change, like starting a new jow, can cause some stress, it includes both positive and negative life changes. But "Death of a Close Friend (37)", "Death of Close Family Member (63)" have high levels of stress, with "Death of Spouse" comes to the top with 100 points.

It is also stressful to experience loss vicariously through books, dramas, and films. Even when they are fictional. When it comes to a temporary loss, however, it is a different matter altogether, I think. I may go as far as to say we actively love it. Pain of loss, anguish, followed by joy of reuniting with the loved one - which we probably do not get to experience (even vicariously) in real life.

The most classic example of "turned out to be actually alive!" is, Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Holmes leaves a farewell letter to Watson, with forensic? traces indicating he fell into the Reichenbach Falls with Moriarty. Watson being a Victorian gent, he does not describe how he fell to pieces. But when Holmes dramatically re-emerges 3 years later, Watson promptly faints. Then

Watson is delighted! He does not seem to mind that Holmes had led him to believe that Holmes was dead for 3 years, without a single note to say otherwise.

In BBC Sherlock, John Watson living in the 21st century was not so stoic in his response. At Sherlock's "death", John first fell to pieces, requiring him to go to see a therapist where he admits that Sherlock was his best friend. When Sherlock reappears with awkward cheerfulness, John punches him in the face after recovering from the initial shock. And stays very angry for a while, feeling betrayed by having been left to grieve for so long (2 years).

In House M.D., which is basically a medical drama version of Sherlock Holmes, with his best friend James Wilson, House also fakes his death. At his funeral, everybody tries to say something nice about House, but Wilson, angry with grief, calls him arrogant, accuses him for never caring for his friends. Then, gets a text message from House, "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT". House had to go to jail over petty crime for 6 months, when Wilson had only 5 months to live due to cancer. House sacrificed the rest of his career to spend the rest of Wilson's life together.

In Good Omens (Netflix version), when Aziraphale got inconveniently disincorporated, Crowley falls to pieces. Giving up on the idea of running away from Armageddon, he tries to drown his sorrow with drinks. When Aziraphale manages to find him there, Crowley immediately notices and gets delighted, even though Aziraphale was still without body and invisible.

~~~~~

The point I think I am getting to here is that "apparent death of a character, followed by a sort of resurrection" seems to be done in fictional creations when the said temporarily-deceased-one has a significant other that would take us (reader/audience) through anguish, followed by almost painful joy.

Thus, it makes sense to me that in Network Effect, it is Perihelion (aka ART) that would make the protagonist Murderbot go through grief by its apparent death. (Well, it was a death, for a while.) Obviously, MB would be devastated if it lost any of its humans. It cares for the PreservationAux colleagues deeply. But in addition to the fact that it would be a lot harder to resurrect a human (augumented or not) in a story later, it had to be ART, because as the author herself said in her interview, it is probably 'the love of Murderbot's life'.

It is noteworthy to say that MB itself did not give name to its emotional experience, because it probably did not know except that it was a very strong, very negative emotions. Its instant hatred towards those who killed ART and subsequent crippling grief become apparent to the readers through what Amena notices. Its pain is strong and raw, so much that even when MB is simply saying, Ugh, emotions, we feel its grief. And when finally we get to the part with:

All the lights in the control area went dark, then blinked back to life. Simultaneously all the display surfaces around me flickered, went to blank, then flashed reinitialization graphics.

And ART's feed filled the ship. In the pleasant neutral voice that systems use to address humans, it whispered, Reload in progress. Please stand by.

[ ..... ]

Then ART's voice, ART's real voice, filled the feed. It said, Drop the weapon.

Relief and joy we experience is almost heart-skippingly painful. Even though MB's response is more BBC Sherlock's John than the original John Watson, we know how much it must mean to MB. I re-listened/re-read that part at least 10 times.

It is also worth noting that ART also seems to love "pain of loss followed by joy of reunion/resurrection". In Artificial Condition, when a major character died in Worldhoppers, MB had to pause seven minutes while ART sat there in the feed doing the bot equivalent of staring at a wall, pretending that it had to run diagnostics. Then when the character came back to life 4 episodes later, ART was so relieved that they had to watch that episode 3 times before going on!

After long ramblings, my conclusion is, temporaly death of a significant character in fiction is good. More significant the character to the character we can emphasize with, the more painful the loss, and more delightful the reunion. John Watson is the love of Sherlock Holmes's life. Aziraphale is Crowley's. ART is Murderbot's.

[rebelwrites]

Winner Takes It All || Twelve Take A Step Back From The Chaos

Charles Leclerc x Valentina Hendrix (OC)

Winner Takes It All Masterlist

Summary: Today was the start of the season, emotions were high as Vali receives a letter from one person she wishes could have been by her side

Warnings: mentions of wanting to beat someone up, letter from Jules 😭😭

As always reblogs and feedback is highly appreciated ❤️ if you want tagging in future parts let me know ❤️

Nothing could stop my heart from racing as I made my way through security. Today was my first official weekend as an F1 driver, my first race of the season would be on Sunday.

I didn’t admit this to anyone but I wasn’t sure what I was more nervous about, actually getting on the track with the boys in a completely different car or talking to the media regarding my past or seeing Charles.

After the night he broke up with Becky and I cried myself to sleep in his arms. I didn't speak to him, not that we were speaking prior to that but still I made sure to fully shut him out. Whether that was due to embarrassment or something else I would never know. Over the last month he had tried to reach out to me but every call and text went unanswered. I needed to get my head in the game, he had already made a name for himself whereas I still had a lot to prove.

Pushing the thoughts out of my head I saw Josh strolling towards me and Pierre with an extremely large grin on his face. The moment he was close to me he draped his arm around my shoulder, placing a kiss to the top of my head.

“How do you feel?” he asked as we walked towards the Alpha Tauri motorhome.

“Excited, nervous, sick.” I mumbled, pulling one of my arms out of the backpack straps leaving it hanging on one shoulder. I just needed to get this interview over and done with and then I could settle a bit. “What time is my press conference?” I asked as we walked into the motorhome, the moment we were behind the safety of closed doors I dumped my backpack on the sofa and kicked off my trainers, instantly feeling at home.

“You have an hour to chill out, wander around the place, basically do whatever you want before we need to head over to the press conference.” Josh nodded.

“Okay” I hummed, making a b-line for the coffee machine.

“Oh one more thing V,” Josh said, his voice dropping a little bit like he was reluctant to tell me. Raising my brow at him I silently told him to spit it out. “Charles will be in the same press conference along with Pierre. Apparently the organisers thought it would be a good thing to have the three childhood friends together for your first press conference.”

“Of course they did.” I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I turned back to making a much needed coffee.

Running my hands through my hair I took a deep breath, I could do this. I was Valentina Hendrix and I could take anything that came my way. It was time to focus on my career and not my love life.

Once I had a coffee in my hand, I wandered around the motorhome until I found my area, seeing my name on the door caused butterflies to erupt within my stomach, but it also caused tears that I refused to let roll down my cheeks, I wasn’t going to let people see me cry.

Pushing my way into the room I flopped down onto the sofa, placing the coffee on the small side table. I was alone and my thoughts were extremely loud with no way of calming them. Now I was in the safety of my own room silent tears rolled down my cheeks. This was a bittersweet moment.

Holding my head in my hands I let the tears fall, hoping if I got all of them out now then I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of the press. However I wasn’t alone for long before there was a soft knock on the door.

“Nugget, it is only me.” Pierre’s voice appeared from the other side of the door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” I breathed.

The moment he saw me in tears he rushed over to my side, dropping my backpack on the floor before engulfing me into a tight hug. He didn’t need to ask what all the tears were for, he knew. He knew how hard this was going to be for me, my first race as a Formula One driver without Jules cheering me on from the pits.

When I imagined this day I could see it so clearly, Jules and my Dad fighting with race engineers trying to take control of the radio and me fighting it out with Charles and Pierre on the track. At least one of those things would happen this weekend but once again I thought things would be completely different with me and Charles.

“Your Dad asked me to give you this.” Pierre whispered, taking my hand in his, pressing a kiss on my knuckles before passing me a small gift box and an envelope.

I choked on my breath as I saw my name written in the messy handwriting that belonged to Jules.

“I will leave you alone but you know where I am if you need me.” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

Once Pierre had left the room I let out a shaky breath as I slowly opened the envelope. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to read his words but I knew he would want me to read this before the race.

Ma douce fille, My Sweet Girl,

If you are reading this then unfortunately we both know that that means.

You know I would have done anything in my power to be there at your first race as a Formula One driver. Just like we both know that I would end up being kicked out of the garage for annoying everyone in the team.

I knew you would be able to do it, I remember when you never believed it but watching you grow up to find your confidence behind the wheel is something that I will always be proud of.

I don’t even have to be there to know that you are going to kick everyone’s asses out there. You have and always will be a force to be reckoned with when you put your mind to it.

Please remember to take a deep breath and slow down a little bit, I know that is ironic considering you will be driving at high speed but you only get your first race once so take a breath, maybe even a step back from the chaos that is a race weekend and take it all in.

This is a moment you will always remember so make it a special one.

When you get out there, forget everything, nothing else matters apart from you and the track. Just focus on that and you will do amazing. And if you don’t get a podium on your first race then so be it.

Remember I will always be there with you even if I’m not there. I will always be watching over you.

So go out there and drive like you have never driven before.

Tout mon amour. All my love

Uncle J xx

It was safe to say I couldn’t control the tears that were freely falling down my cheeks, feeling something drop into my lap. I placed the letter on my knee to investigate the item. The moment I picked it up more tears fell, I held the white and purple yarn bracelet between my fingers as a sad smile crossed my face. This was the bracelet that I made him when I was five years old, he never took it off, he wore it to every race.

Slipping the bracelet on my wrist I took a deep breath, wiping my cheeks with the sleeve of my hoodie I pushed myself to my feet, placing the letter in the front pocket of my back pack.

Quickly checking I had my phone on me I decided that it was time to go for a wander around the track. I had a routine when I was in the W-Series and I planned on carrying that on here. Grabbing my airpods from my backpack I pulled them out of the case, placing them in my ears before checking they were connected as I opened up spotify. Soon enough the sounds of my race playlist was filling my ears, I had no specific music that was in this playlist but it was all hype songs.

One thing I was sure of, I wasn’t looking forward to this press conference. No doubt they would start asking questions about mine and Charles’ relationship along with my past and the police record, so I needed to get my head in the game. The last thing I needed was to snap at the reporters at my first press conference.

Becky was true to her word and my mugshot and arrest record was making its way around the internet. I had read a couple of the articles that had appeared and I couldn’t help but laugh, they had stretched the truth out so much it was a joke. I had spotted her walking around the track with a smug grin on her face thinking she had won but in fact she wasn’t even close.

Luckily I hadn’t bumped into her yet this morning but that all changed when she walked past me, literally barging into me as she passed.

“You think you are so clever don’t you?” I shouted at her as I turned so I was facing her and walking backwards, I could feel Pierre cringe at my outburst. He knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep my cool around her now I had found out the truth.

“I’m not the one with an arrest record.” she smirked, walking closer to me.

“I will fucking wipe that smirk off your face.” I growled, taking one step closer, squaring up to her. “How's the nose by the way? Still broken?” I laughed coldly. “You are nothing but a fucking homewrecker and you time is fucking coming bitch.”

“Nugget, ce n'est ni le moment ni le lieu. Nugget, this is neither the time nor the place.” Pierre said as he wrapped his fingers around my arm dragging me away from Becky.

I decided to keep my mouth shut until we got far enough away.

“You have to spoil my fun, don’t you?” I pouted, as we came to a stop outside the press conference room.

“I want nothing more than to see you beating the living shit out of her but maybe not on trackside on your first race.” he said, running his hand over his face. “I get that you are angry, but you gotta be smart about this, hit her when she least expects it.”

Rolling my eyes at his comment, I knew he was right but that didn’t stop me from getting the urge to smack her around the face with a chair every chance I got.

Taking a deep breath, I fiddled with Jule’s bracelet before walking into the room, this was it. It felt like I was walking into the lion's den with no protection.

The moment I saw Charles it was like someone had lit my skin on fire.

Why couldn’t I just move on? Why did he have to have such a hold on me?

Pierre took his seat at the far end of the room leaving only one seat available between him and Charles. Whilst my back was turned to the reporters I quickly flipped Pierre off, rolling my eyes when he poked his tongue out at me. Silently I took my seat between both of them, it was now or never.

As everyone in the room fell silent I reminded myself of the words from Jules.

This is a moment you will always remember so make it a special one.

Looking up at the ceiling I ran my fingers over the bracelet, trying to focus on my breathing. This was my time to shine, my time to clear the air with the reports and most importantly my time to dominate this season and it all started right now.

@chibsytelford @dragon-of-winterfell @ohthemisssery @a-distantdreamer @sgkophie @stillbreathin @angywritesstuff @miamedyu @enchantedbytomandhenry @scribbuluswrites @dangerouspursepeachbear @micks-afterglow @livo67 @buendiabebeta @pleasedontfollowinlost @ferrarifwendvale @hungryhungarian @theplobnrgone @charlesleclercje @sunf1owerrq @queenslife @panicforspec @inesramoss30 @justme2042 @liv67 @sessgjarg @derpinathebrave @idkiwantchocolatee @littleobsessionsandlifeslessons @alynoa @clcspeonies @pleasantducktimetravel @organasith @inchidentwithmax @raaaaabzzz @teamspideyman @marvelousmendess

[randamhajile]

Interview + Resume Guide from a Hiring Manager in Tech

Writing this because I am losing my MINDT at how BAD the entry level candidates I am getting are interviewing. I have done over 100 interviews over the last several years and this is just my experience, which is tailored for tech jobs, but most of these principles would apply to everything, I’d think. There are also some tips in there on how to make a good resume and cover letter + how to follow up on applications (yes you can do that and sometimes it DOES work… got me a job offer once!). Also if you are in the DC / Baltimore metro area, have reliable transportation, and want to break in to IT Systems Administration as a career, hmu lol

Contents:

Basic Do’s and Don’ts

Types of Interviewers

How to Control an Interview (Key Goals of an Interview)

Interview Follow-Ups (How to Write a Thank-You Email!)

Resume / Cover Letter Tips

1 - Basic Do’s and Don'ts

Do:

Be on time! 5-10 mins early is usually best for virtual interviews, 15 mins early for physical

If there are delays or issues, COMMUNICATE that to the recruiter

If virtual, test your audio / video equipment beforehand! 

Please dress professionally. Clean, UNWRINKLED clothes. No anime t-shirts!!! I once interviewed a guy in a Sasuke t-shirt on his living room couch from a handheld iPhone. He did not get the job

VISIBLY TAKE NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have questions for the interviewer!!!

Feel free to reference notes you may have pre-prepared! Make a show of it. It demonstrates you can record information efficiently and can self-structure, it’s NOT cheating, it’s GOOD! 

MAKE SURE YOU CAN TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ON YOUR RESUME IN DETAIL! If it’s there, it’s there for a reason! 

Thank the interviewer for their time!

SEND A THANK-YOU EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God like NOBODY does this anymore… super easy way to distinguish yourself here, seriously

Make sure you know the key requirements of the job description so you can talk about them and how you fit them!

Might be overkill, but never hurts to look up the interviewer on LinkedIn to understand their background

Research the company you are trying to work for! Don’t need an essay here, just a basic understanding of what they are about

If you have unemployment gaps, make sure you have a good story to explain them that shows you were doing something meaningful with that time

Don’t:

Don’t be late or unkempt! Please bathe… 

If virtual, don’t worry about taking an interview while working – If you have to take an interview from a break room or your car, you can always spin that positively – mention how you are taking the interview while on break, and how you are excited for the opportunity and did what you could to accommodate the interviewers. We know sometimes it just be like that

If virtual, don’t have a messy background!!!! [damn bitch you live like this meme]

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT derail a question! If there’s one thing that is just AWFUL it’s when someone asks you a question you don’t know the answer to, and you derail it to something you DO know… incredibly annoying and you WILL end up rambling

Don’t say you don’t know something and just leave it at that! It’s always okay to not know something – admit it, and say how you will fix that knowledge gap

Don’t wildly guess answers to questions! If you have to guess, say that you are doing so. There are few things as damning as guessing incorrectly with confidence

DO NOT RAMBLE! Keep your responses short and to the point!!! Don’t talk for more than 1 minute, 2 minutes straight at MAX

With that, DON’T LIE ON YOUR RESUME!!!! DO NOT! LIE! ON YOUR RESUME! DON’T! You WILL end up looking a fool. Sure you can embellish a bit, but if you put down that you know Python and all you’ve done is one class project from 3 years ago, YOU DO NOT KNOW PYTHON!

Okay admittedly an addendum to that – if you ARE going to lie on your resume, don’t go in empty-handed!!! Make sure you are prepared to bullshit!!!!!!!! Seriously there have been soooo many times I’ve asked people about impressive, top-billed resume items and the answer is ‘uhhh yea I did that like once 5 years ago’ or ‘I once shadowed a guy who did this’

If you are going to lie about a key item on your resume, you better be prepared to put in the legwork ON YOUR OWN to get up to speed on it ASAP if you are hired. Do Not Fuck Up That Part. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for stressful, miserable failure

2 - Types of Interviewers

Different people have different approaches. Some interviewers just want to see what vibes you give off, others have highly-structured interviews. Also in all honesty, a lot of interviewers might not know how to run an interview in a way that gets them the key info they need. It’s an art form. Once you understand the level of structure the interviewer is approaching the interview with, you can adapt.

You need to assess what kind of interviewer you have, and be prepared to control the interview in a way that works best with them. Have a few pre-prepared personal stories about your hobbies, working accomplishments, challenges you’ve overcome, etc. that you can easily launch in to while you’re figuring out what the interviewer is like.

3 - How to Control an Interview (Key Goals of an Interview)

Key Goals of an Interview:

Give off good vibes

Demonstrate how you fit the key requirements of the job description

Differentiate yourself from others

Do this all in a very limited amount of time

For 1, good vibes: you want to be attentive, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Ultimately a hiring manager will be looking for one HUGE thing – will you be EASY to manage? As in, do you have the skills, and the wisdom to use them, or learn them? This is why visibly taking notes is really great – shows initiative and organization. You don’t necessarily need to be a social butterfly either, but you have to at least attempt a friendly demeanor. If you are super nervous, it’s also okay to admit that! You can always spin it to say that it’s because you are just super excited about this opportunity, and want to make sure you have a good conversation that demonstrates the value you’ll bring to the role.

For 2, fitting the job: this is where knowing the job description and a background on the company helps. There are soooo many people I’ve interviewed who had essentially no plan for the interview – they are just rawdogging that call. You need to be able to toot your own horn – make sure you have talking points for the top-billed parts of the job description, and that you know what your best features are and how to explain them. 

For 3, differentiating yourself: this is like your Jeopardy post-commercial quirky story. You don’t need much, just maybe one or two things that make you unique. If you look up the interviewer’s LinkedIn beforehand, you can perhaps even specifically appeal to them. Standing out is a huge challenge, because the interviewers usually have onslaughts of applicants.

For 4, time control – this is where everyone fucks up lol. You usually have 30 minutes or an hour to plead your case, and that time will FLY BY. This is where understanding your interviewer is critical.

If your interviewer is UNSTRUCTURED: you will need to take a lot more control of the interview. Your interviewer might get sidetracked talking about personal stories or one specific job topic, and will miss hearing out about how you fit others. You will need to segue to other key points in the job description – you can also be totally honest, if you are going down one rabbit hole and missing another, you can straight up ask the interviewer if you can change subjects, because you want to make sure you talk about everything in the job description in your limited time. If you are polite about this, it’s fine! The interviewer will most likely appreciate your focus and direction. Make sure you also leave time at the end to ask the interviewer questions.  

If your interviewer is STRUCTURED: this is a bit easier. Follow the structure, but keep an eye on the clock – if you are nearing the final quarter of the interview and haven’t hit your key points that demonstrate why you fit the job description, it is also perfectly acceptable to ask the interviewer if you can speak about a few key things you feel are relevant to the job. Just say you want to respect their time, and would like to make sure you communicate what you can bring to the table. Don’t worry about being humble lol this is your time to shine. 

4 - Interview Follow-Ups and Thank-You Emails

SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!! SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!!!!! SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!!! This is not a bootlicking thing this is a cool and sexy lifehack because seriously, no one does this anymore. You WILL stand out if you do so. Writing a thank-you email is exceptionally easy too. I always follow the motto “Too Short To Suck” – keep it very simple:

Subject Line: Include A Thank You and The Name of the Role

Hello [Interviewer(s)],

Thank them for their time and talking with you about the job. Include ONE sentence (okay, maybe two short ones) about why you are excited for this opportunity, because of XYZ thing you have that adds value to the role. Final sentence re-iterating your excitement for the role, and that you look forward to hearing back soon.

Signature

Example:

Subject: Thanks for Talking About The Tech Analyst Role at Company Inc.!

Hello Interviewer(s),

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today about the Tech Analyst Role with Company Inc! It was a pleasure talking, and after learning more about the job, I am quite excited for this opportunity, as I know my organizational skills and experience with Microsoft Azure will provide a good framework for me to grow and contribute to Company Inc’s success. I am looking forward to hearing back soon, and thanks in advance for your time and consideration.

Thank you,

Tumblr User Randam Hajile

FOR FOLLOW UPS: if a week goes by without hearing back, feel free to email the recruiters / interviewers again and politely ask for an update on your application. If they don’t respond after that, unless it’s a job you REALLY REALLY REALLY want and think you are a shoe-in for, it may not be worth it to bother them again. Give it another week or two and then send a second email for an update.

If several months+ have passed and it’s still a place you really would like to work for, you can also email those contacts again asking if any new roles have opened. You have to understand that these recruiters are going through massive piles of same-looking profiles in SmartRecruiters or something like that, so having anything to differentiate is helpful.

ALSO – HOT APPLICATION TIP !!!!!!! if you send out an application and hear NOTHING back, but it’s a place you really want to work for, here’s an awesome tip that actually legit led to me getting a job offer recently: crawl the company website to find a PR or HR email address, and send a polite email mentioning you applied for [specific role], and that you would like to know if they are still hiring for it or any similar roles, as you have not heard back and are still highly interested in working for the company. Chances are they can get in touch with Recruiting to forward your inquiry.

5 - Resume / Cover Letter Tips

RESUMES: For the love of God, put some effort in to your resume. Do NOT use the default resume that Indeed or LinkedIn pisses out for you… I hate that so much. Maybe that’s just a me-thing, but I honestly think those don’t present your information very well.

The secret to writing resumes is that there really isn’t a secret – there’s no MLA format or one-size-fits-all template that works. You need to put some thought in to it to understand what you are trying to communicate, and here are some tips to do so:

Save it as a PDF!!!! This way you can be 100% sure it formats correctly when opened by the recruiter / interviewer

Format it correctly!!! Make sure there are no sloppy mistakes

I can’t believe I have to say this, but please, please have a professional-looking email address. AnimeLover2005@hotmail.com won’t get you hired

Add some class with a nice template. Find something a little snappy looking – anything other than a wall of barebones Calibri font

If you are artistically inclined, have some fun with it. My resume and cover letter are obnoxiously 1970s themed as a statement piece about myself, plus it stands out in an ocean of samey-looking resumes lol. Where’s that Jack Sparrow meme where he’s like ‘but you HAVE heard of me’ – that’s my principle, people will either love it or hate it, but they WILL remember it

Include your LinkedIn URL at the top of the page with your basic contact info! Also, have a nice LinkedIn page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t put your home address on it. You can just say like “DC Metro Area” or something like that

Unless you have impressive references, or are working in an industry like Security where you know you’re going to get background-checked, just say ‘references available upon request’ at the bottom, and have those at the ready just in case

It doesn’t have to be one page! It can be up to two – if printing it physically, you can have a nice two-sided cardstock resume, but make sure the most key things are on the first page

If a cover letter isn’t requested, you can use that second resume page to include more detailed info that a cover letter would have

Use nice paper to print the resume – sturdy cardstock, and have multiple copies available to give

Remember you are trying to communicate what you can do, so get creative with presenting that efficiently – as an example, when I was a Sys Admin, I broke up my resume Skills section in to a 2x2 table that lists “Knowledgeable in the Use Of” and “Advanced Knowledge Of”, that way I could include skills I had without lying about my proficiency and bungling questions about them

Unless you are fresh out of college, don’t list coursework in college or high school clubs on your resume. You’re 30 years old. It’s embarrassing to list your Computer Club experience from High School. That could be a fun talking point, not something that takes up precious resume space

Include a mission statement at the top underneath your contact info – something simple like “Results-Oriented Technician Seeking New Challenges”; just something to summarize your best vibes

If you really, really, really want a job at a certain place, you can try tweaking some phrasing in your Skills or Experience sections to match keywords in the job description – that way AI will be more likely to highlight your resume for the recruiter, if they are using AI tooling (ugh)

COVER LETTERS: honestly there are better guides out there than I can give here, but basically you can create a generic cover letter where you only need to change out a few sentences to cater to the employer you are applying to. Keep it one page, and try to include keywords / terms from the job description in it – a lot of these recruiters use AI to sort through resumes / cover letters and want to find ones that match the job description. Similarly to a lot of the prior advice, you need to make sure you hit your key points about your best traits, relevant experience, and work ethic, and why you are excited to work for whoever you are applying to, and how these traits relate to that. 

I’m honestly not sure how many recruiters even read cover letters these days and how many of them just use them as AI fodder to help sort candidates… the positions I typically hire for don’t require cover letters so my experience here is a bit limited, but as mentioned, there’s lots of guides online on how to create a good cover letter, so do some Googling. They worked for me, at least. 

Anyway… hope that helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go forth and get hired…

[sinceileftyoublog]

Say Anything Interview: Intentional Is My Default

Photo by Nicole Mago

BY JORDAN MAINZER

I'm waiting back stage at Riot Fest for Say Anything's Max Bemis to finish a photoshoot, one that sees him lie in the grass in various positions that make it look like he's stretching after a tough workout. Despite the fact that he hasn't yet gotten his real workout in yet--his newly reformed band would go on stage in a few hours--and that this photoshoot is full of capital-p Poses, I'm taken by how at ease Bemis seems with everything. When we speak, he reveals to me that, yes, while he did in fact feel awkward during the photoshoot--most of us do--he's learning to lean into his feelings much more naturally.

Five years ago, the legendary emo band disbanded, with their 2019 album Oliver Appropriate billed as their final LP for the moment. A purported sequel to their beloved sophomore record ...Is A Real Boy, the album was publicized in conjunction with a nine-page letter from Bemis, in which came out as bisexual and admitted to struggles with drug use. (The frontman has long been open about his diagnosed bipolar disorder, previous self-medication through drugs, and manic episodes.) During the pandemic, Bemis stayed busy, performing livestreams of older material, but there was always lingering doubt the band's hiatus would become permanent.

It wasn't until late last year that Bemis dropped that the band would be reuniting for festivals in 2023. In typical nonchalant fashion, he shared that the reunion would include past members drummer Coby Linder and bassist Alex Kent by replying to someone's comment on a Facebook post. In April, the band released their first new material since Oliver Appropriate, the maximally stream-of-consciousness rant "Psyche!". The song sees Bemis laying out those same struggles for everyone to bear witness to, blaming himself for his personal, marital, and familial problems atop a bevy of references to the band's older material, Titanic, and Riot Fest itself. "By Riot Fest '24, I'll be coughing up corks if you supply the Malörk," he sings, a line that's instantly iconic and bound to be infamous for its satiric misspelling of Chicago's shot of choice. In August, the band followed it up with "Are You (In) There?", which also establishes itself within our emo universe, with mentions of Sunny Day Real Estate and mewithoutYou, but a more personal ode to Bemis' wife and the love they have for each other despite his past actions and shortcomings. And just this morning, Say Anything annouced ...Is Committed (Dine Alone), their new record, along with a single entitled "Carrie & Lowell & Cody (Pendent)", Bemis placing his "mommy issues" in conversation with those of indie folk luminary Sufjan Stevens. The song is musically heavier and more complex and full-throated, while also containing gorgeous choral harmonies from Bemis' wife, Sherri Dupree-Bemis.

At one point, the future of the band was a mystery to everyone, Bemis included. But with some newfound perspectives, the musical and personal influence of new band member Brian Warren of Weatherbox, and therapy, it seemed from just the short conversation I had with Bemis and Kent that they're in a good place, ready to embrace their new chapter. Read my interview below, conducted last month before I knew about their new album, edited for length and clarity. Catch the band three nights next week at The Regent Theater in LA and at When We Were Young in Las Vegas next weekend.

Photo courtesy of Say Anything

Since I Left You: How does it feel to be back?

Max Bemis: It feels great. I don't think I would have decided to write the songs again if I didn't aspire to how this feels now, which is very different than our experience as little kids being in a punk band, which was very intense and an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. But this is comfortable, and it feels like having the best job ever, in the words of Piebald. It could have been a stress fest, anxious, or bad, but the only reason I wanted to write again was to reach for this thing that we never got to settle into, being dads approaching 40. The bands we looked up to were doing it at that age and still making inventive music but still seeming to chill and not base their entire personas and aspirations around being in a band. I think I appreciate it more now that I'm not trying to be "a guy in a band" as hard as I was.

Alex Kent: Something we've been talking about since getting back up and running was the transition from utilizing it as an escape versus a form of healing. Because we've been through so much traumatic shit in our lives, most of the time Max and I talk, we talk about therapy. It's fucking weird going from 18 years old on a tour bus to having that self-awareness and reflection.

MB: I didn't need it like that for many years because our entire life cycle was keyed in to being on tour. I wasn't living a normal person life. I'm not saying I ever have really or ever will--I wrote comic books for five years. That's still weird. We're still weirdo guys. Having a family, coming out of that kind of circus, I feel more like my 14-year-old self who needed this music for that reason.

SILY: The new songs have a self-aware quality.

MB: More than ever.

SILY: How do you include the self-awareness in a set at a festival or concert, where you're literally referring to other songs you're playing in the setlist?

MB: We refer to Riot Fest itself!

SILY: And Malörk [sic]

MB: And Malörk. It's incredibly self-referential and ironic, but because the band started that way, it's come full circle and is no longer ironic at the same time. There's still a lot of exaggeration and bullshit, but it's closer to me saying actual things that are happening. As you age, everyone's life becomes a circus, more surreal. The world has been very surreal, with COVID and Trump. You kind of have to say your inner experience now. It's an emotional, crazy, surreal thing anyway. It's not like before, when I said, "I have to think about my ex-girlfriend, but I'm thinking about my wife, and what the fuck is this about?" Now, this is about being at Riot Fest. And I am at Riot Fest.

SILY: There is a song about your wife, though.

MB: Yes. Also quite literal. So many emotions are certainly exaggerated, but the sincerity isn't. The love for my wife is very real. But even there, if you're in any successful relationship, it goes through the most intense rebirths and reformations, and you're adjusting to each other, especially after having kids. It's more potent to me to say what's happening or what my emotions are than do what we did on In Defense of the Genre, where I was literally forcing drama into my life on a regular basis. Now, I have no room. I'm tired. I have children to look after. The drama just happens from kids, life, everything. It's real and heartfelt, but a seasoned emotion and not so adolescent. I still love those songs, and I relate to them, but they all speak to a certain side of me I can't live out anymore.

SILY: Do the new songs more than ever exemplify the idea that the more personal you are, the more universal the songs can be?

MB: Yeah. But probably by being a little too hyper-specific. That's why I fell in love with this kind of music. Saves The Day got me into wanting to be in a band. What wowed me was when he was talking about the names of the other band members in song, like, "Ted's drooling on his sleeve." He's just saying he's in this New Jersey bar and he misses his girlfriend. He's not cloaking anything. Our thing has been a kind of parody of that, but now I don't have to stretch anything for it to be a parody.

Photo by Ben Trivett

SILY: What do you think Brian Warren brings to the table on the new songs?

AK: I've known Brian since we were 9 years old. Our very first band, we were in together.

MB: I wouldn't know about Weatherbox if it wasn't for Alex.

AK: He brings this calming energy. Humble is a weird word to describe him.

MB: It's accurate.

AK: Weatherbox is fucking amazing.

MB: He has more impostor syndrome than even me.

AK: He can play everything, and he writes cool shit.

MB: He's a virtuoso. The cool thing about Brian is that there's always been a connection between our bands. It's similar to me playing music with [Chris] Conley [in Two Tongues] back in the day. It's surreal, but it makes so much sense that you don't have to think about where he fits into the sonic picture or personality picture because we're friends.

AK: It's very cool how much sense it makes.

SILY: Has your relationship changed to your old songs?

MB: I like them more. Over the break from the band, I would listen to Say Anything, with my kids or in my car, alone. The way I severed it was so intentional. I wasn't saying, "The band was over." I was saying, "We're probably going to get back together, but I have to sever this incarnation." I was listening to [old Say Anything songs] and thinking, "I like Alex's bass part. I like the production. I even like my voice." It was like listening to another band, because of the space. I've grown to like them. I definitely know people in bands that are not what they listen to, but Say Anything has always been a conglomeration of the type of thing we listen to. If I'm going to listen to The Get Up Kids, I might as well listen to Say Anything.

SILY: Moving forward, are you trying to continue to be more intentional, or do what feels best?

MB: Both. I know that's cliché to say, and it does and doesn't make sense. I find that intentional is my default, and before, I would second-guess myself constantly. Now, I allow myself to make mistakes, and I let other people give me advice that before were such cerebral trips. There was a lot that weighed on me. If the lyrics are super intentional and literal, I'm just going to do it. If I feel awkward in a photo shoot like right now, I'm just going to be awkward in the photo shoot. That is, of course, my safe and happy place in life.

[invinciblerodent]

Writing Interview Tag Game

Tagged by @ra-scheln – thank you dear! ❤️

When did you start writing?

I feel like there is almost never a set date for anyone- I never really considered myself a writer, I still don't fully embrace it as a label any more than I do many others, but it's very much in that "technically true" vein of things- I don't think of myself as a writer, but I do write, and have been writing most of my life.

The first story I ever consciously remember writing was a lengthy (and objectively terrible) story I wrote around the time I was maybe 11 or thereabouts, though- kind of a fairytale paranormal romance before I would have ever found out what that meant, involving wisecracking frogs, and the three little pigs, and some sort of an ancient curse, and it stretched quite luxuriously across roughly 120 single-spaced pages that -true to form for me- were never posted anywhere.

It was utterly gratuitous, masturbatory, filled with the most horrible purple prose in existence, and I will never stop feeling regretful over losing it to a simple hardware upgrade.

I really wish I could re-read it now, at 30, and maybe get back a little bit of that unapologetic confidence and drive to just write what the fuck ever I feel like writing, without feeling the eyes of an imaginary critic burning holes into the back of my head.

Are there different themes or genres that you enjoy reading than what you write?

While I'm most interested in writing navel-gaze-y, introspective character-pieces and romance/fantasy (romantasy? is that what the kids are calling it now?), I do like to consider myself an omnivore, when it comes to reading.

I generally read a lot of literary- and historical fiction, SF, fantasy, a couple thrillers here and there- though there are topics I don't gravitate towards, I don't exactly discriminate against any genre, and I try to keep a varied diet of pulp- and high-brow literature alike, lol.

Some books I've really loved over these past few years are (hold on, scanning my shelf here) Min Jin Lee's "Pachinko", Ursula K. Le Guin's "The Left Hand of Darkness", Raphael Bob-Waksberg's "Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory", and Iona Grey's "Letters to the Lost". That's an award-winning saga novel, a genre classic, a contemporary collection of short stories, and a very good romance novel, lol.

Although I do admit, reading tends to fall by the wayside in my most active writing periods, which is whenever I get super absorbed in a particular video game, lol.

Can you tell me about your writing space?

I don't actually have a dedicated writing space. Over the past while, I've realized that I most like writing by hand, in coffee shops mainly- which may make me look a touch obnoxious, but it's just the way my brain and hand work the best together. (I handwrite slower than I type, so it's easier to get into that ~~flow~~ state because I have time to think without pausing, and with the background noise being just at the right level, I can babysit an americano for hours at a time.) If I'm writing on the computer, it generally falls more into the realm of editing.

I don't exactly have a preference when it comes to the space itself, but the stationery is crucial. I'm very particular about the pen I use (it has to be a Zebra Superfine H-5000- I've been using them exclusively for like ten years now, and unfortunately you can't really get refills for them, but they're like a dollar each, and they last bloody forever), and slightly less particular about notebooks, but I still have strong preferences there too (lined paper, hard cover, not terribly ugly- which is harder to find than one would think).

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I don't typically try on a conscious level, but sometimes, just that dedicated action of putting my notebook away, and walking to the coffee shop gets the words rolling. Often I find myself starting to tell myself the story on the way, and then I'm kind of playing catch-up with myself, once I actually get there.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing?

Disappointment, mostly. "Wasted" potential, reclamation of personal choice, and the deeply personal act of mourning the self that died so that another may live. What-ifs, maybes, could-have-beens. The things we want to want.

.................. also dicks. Dicks are a big part of it.

What is your reason for writing?

There's no real reason, I think. I thought about this one for a long time, but I can't phrase it any better than prev: the words just have to go somewhere.

Besides, if I'm not writing, I'm crafting. If I'm not crafting, I'm drawing. If I'm not drawing, I'm designing, baking, making something. I'm always making something.

Is there any kind of specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I haven't published much of my writing over the past few years, but from what I've gotten, "It feels like you really know this character" is the comment I keep coming back to in my mind.

I got that one on a silly, smutty fic from like 2016, and it really gave me pause. It really got stuck in my mind.

It's been many years since, and I still catch myself smiling whenever I write a line of dialogue that feels quintessential to a particular character. I found that really encouraging.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I... I'm still kind of unpacking whether I want to be thought about at all. Whether I want to be perceived. You know, the terrifying ordeal of being known, and all that.

I think the way I want to be known is how a pet fish knows its owner, you know? Like I arrive occasionally, at a reliable, if nebulous time, and they kind of have a vague idea of what I am, but mostly I just bring them food, dump it in the water, and disappear while they voraciously consume whatever it was that was dumped in there.

If goldfish were terminally horny and could leave comments but expected no response, they'd be the ideal audience for me.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I want to say maybe... evocative imagery, and dialogue. I like to get somewhat poetic with my descriptions and I feel like I'm rather good at grasping somewhat powerful images through minute details, that's something I know I have a lot of fun writing. I also enjoy the process of trying to find words that feel like they sit right in a certain character's mouth.

If someone were to actually say "he would not fucking say that" to me, I think I would mentally walk into the nearest ocean.

How do you feel about your own writing?

.... Insecure. Apologetic. Fearful, in a way I'm well aware I shouldn't be.

I have tried to blame the fact that English is my second language, and there is a kernel of truth in there, but I know that's... kind of bullshit. I know my linguistic prowess is not exactly the issue here (if I may, bigger idiots than me have done it, I've a darling friend who can absolutely testify), it's literally just the confidence that I lack.

I'm also apologetic in tagging, or promoting my work whenever I do end up posting something, because I know it's not going to have mass appeal, or I know it's not going to be interesting to a lot of people even of the ones following me, and that completely undue, asinine embarrassment is definitely holding me back within my writing as well.

This is why I enjoy handwriting most I think, because that, I know is for me.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

It's purely for myself, and this ties into the previous answer- I know I write my best when it's utterly self-indulgent. But that's also the shit that makes me feel the most naked emotionally, so it's hard to bring myself to want to subject myself to any kind of scrutiny.

This really is the fucking duality of man, to crave validation but hiss and sneer at anything that might invite it, lol.

Anyway, I think if you guys are up for it, I'd like to tag @sketchyelvenasss and @lindira, and of course anyone who feels like it. ❤️

(Please do excuse me for the copious amounts of whining in this post lol, I have realized in myself that once I come closer to filling a new notebook I always get a bit emotional about my stuff, and I've like 10 pages left on my current one. Prime angsting-time.)

[euronymous-files]

Here it’s Metalion writing, but I mainly chose this excerpt because of the other names involved... to show where they stood on the matter.

[While writing Slayer X] Metalion: "The grief and anger affected everyone involved in the small Scandinavian metal world at the time. For instance, my first interview with Nifelheim is in this issue, contributed by a person called Shadow, aka Jon Nödtveidt from Dissection. In late 1993, the Nifelheim twins Erik and Per Gustavsson, It from Abruptum, Legion from Marduk, and Jon Nödtveidt all came from Sweden to visit me at my old place in Sarpsborg. They were all upset with Fenriz of Darkthrone, because he had asked Varg to write half the lyrics for Darkthrone's Transilvanian Hunger. To them, it looked like Fenriz stood with Varg after Varg killed Euronymous, like Fenriz approved of the murder. They considered Euronymous a brother, so what Varg did was treachery and then Fenriz working with Varg was a betrayal." [...] "On the second page of this issue's Dissection interview, there's a little handwritten note signed 'Shadow'. This was a message from Jon Nödtveidt to Varg and 'Hank Amarillo', a name Fenriz had used. It read: 'Be forewarned if the light takes you.' [...] and you could say it's almost like a death threat. He and I came up with that together. I didn't really have anything bad to say about Fenriz, but Jon and other people in Sweden were very unhappy with him." [...] "I also printed a short half-page article written by 'Mr. Death', which insults 'Cunt Chicken Christian Vikernes' [see previous post here]. That was mailed to me by someone that I decided should remain anonymous. The letter amounts to the second death threat in Slayer X against Varg Vikernes - yet the issue also contains the Burzum interview completed after the death of Euronymous. I admit that's a bit schizophrenic." "I think that I felt that Burzum was an important part of the scene regardless, because of the music. Most people I knew, though, were nearly unanimous in their hatred. I remember Jon Nödtveidt was concerned about giving space in the magazing to Varg; he didn't approve of that at all. He just shook his head, like: ‘Why would you?’ “

---------------------------------------------

excerpt from “Metalion - the Slayer Mag Diaries” written by Jon “Metalion” Kristiansen edited by Tara G. Warrior Bazillion Points, 2011