#like???? did you interview someone? was it in a letter? did they admit to it themselves?

[menlove]

I think as a historian the thing that annoys me about biographies is that they don't have to cite shit. if I ever wrote a biography I'd be footnoting every single paragraph like what the helllllll

[lady-ashfade]

Mha Reaction to their big pro!hero sibling coming to visit

´*: ･ﾟ⋆˒ Characters: Katsuki Bakugou, Izuku Midoriya

READER: Masked Hero!reader, reader doesn’t give their name to the public.

WARNINGS: Angst coded a bit, but really fluffy other then a few things, siblings bickering!!

GENRA: HC’s

Izuku Midoriya

Izuku liked to keep you a secret— not in the way you think. When he was younger he got bullied for being quirkless and he was sure you wouldn’t want to bring down your reputation. Or get more bullied because of how different he was.

No matter how many times you made it known you respected and love quirkless people, even announcing to the world that you had a quirkless brother, he still felt ashamed. 

But once he got into UA he was so proud of himself, he was messaging you everyday about his progress. He felt horrible to keep you in the dark about allmight but he had too! Deku still kept you hidden, he wasn’t sure how you would feel if he spoiled your identity.

“Look at you, little hero!!” Izu was so shocked to see you standing in front of him and his class, a smile plastered on your face. “My My, how you’ve grown!” Everyone watched you practically fly to him and hug him.

Now seeing you both together in the same room…it was so obvious that you both were related!! Same nose, eyes and even freckles. Even if you had different dads, you both favored your moms features more.

He was overwhelmed with questions, mostly why he never told them he was your brother, then everyone was fine.

Until you started sharing stories of when he was little. How you would pretend to need saving just so he could rescue you. And somehow a baby picture even up on the kitchen fridge…

“I’m so proud of you,” and yet after all the embarrassing stories, kicking his butt in training, and giving him lectures you still held him when you need to leave, “My brother is going to be the best hero.”

He was a sucker for your hugs. Don’t forget the waterworks!! He’s crying at the slightest praise from you.

Everyone in the class, including him was shocked when they saw a picture of them on tv while you did a interview! “This is the future of Japan!” And you sang their praises on tv.

“Midoriya, your siblings the best!!”

“Yeah…I know.”

Katsuki Bakugo

He’s sooo over you. For years he hated how he had a pro!hero sibling. That just means he’s have to work harder to get out of your shadow. Unlike izuku, MF didn’t want anyone to know he was related to you— YOUR NOT SPECIAL.

I think deep down he was wordied he wouldn’t catch up to you, or that somehow he would fail and you’d be disappointed. Because katsuki really does care AND look up to you, which is why his first thought was to go to UA to follow in your footsteps. Tho, he never admitted it.

“I just want UA to have a better Bakugo, can’t have you spoiling our name.”

Boy would be so pissed if you sent a letter of recommendation. And better expected a angry call, “I don’t need you help.” “Think I can’t do it on my own?” he really hates when you try and help him. Makes him feel weak. Like I said- he doesn’t want his big sibling to look down on him.

“Put the boy down!” Bakugo freezes out the stern tone of someone yelling at him. Denki pulls away from his grip, thanking the person. Yep, it’s you— and the first thing you do is embarrass him.

“Why the hell are you here. Shouldn’t you be fighting low level villains. What, People stop stealing candy from babies?” Everyone is staring at him because he’s talking that way to a pro!

“Don’t be like that! Give your sibling a hug!” they watch you chase him around for a minute while he’s screaming his head off….YOURE HIS SIBLING?

Kats hates that everyone knows now and is asking him questions. He hates to be in your shadow. He hates watching you give praise to his friends and then give him “tips” or whatever. He’s constantly trying to train with you, to try and prove he can be better and beat you in a fight.

“Don’t hold back! I’m not some loser kid like you think,” he screams. It’s been hours since you’ve been training and you still haven’t used any of your power moves on him, “I’m better then you! So stop looking down on me!!”

And you clicked it right there. Why he was always pushing you away, or overworking yourself. Why he hated when you tried to help him. So you did what any good sibling would do—Kick the shit out of him.

“I never thought you were weak, katsuki,” you bend down as he’s laying on the ground out of breath and beaten up, “Just because I give you pointers doesn’t mean anything. I just wanna be there for you,” you pat his head while he has no energy to reject you.

“I’m so proud of you! I knew you would be a hero years ago!”

The last day he was more closed off because of his disappointment to see you leaving but didn’t wanna show it. Being a pro meant he never got to see you, even he was younger you were here at UA training.

Anyway from everyone, he hugs you deeply. “Try not to die! I can’t have everyone knowing I have a weak sibling.”

As he huffs in your chest to give off the impression of being mad, but the grip of his hold says something different.

“Whatever you say, Kit-Kat,” you chuckle and pats his head and hold him for a few seconds as he trues to pull away from you.

[jello-library]

The Roommate Program (PT 2/?)

Finally part 2!! This one focus more on the reader/self insert!

Also I want to try writing the letters so you can get a feel of what being written instead of just getting vague descriptions!

I hope you enjoy it! 💛

Your first letter from your pen pal was…something else…to say the least. Paired with a prickly friendship bracelet. You felt like you opened Pandora's box with that first letter.

You sigh as you sit down in your office chair looking down at the blank sheet of paper nervously. What in the world do you write back? I mean, writing a letter about yourself is easy but continuing conversations is harder than it looks. What do you say now “Hey I heard you went to solitary confinement was it fun?” Like how you continue talking with him?!

Twirling the pen in your hands your wings twitch and flutter nervously. You joined the program because being a past patient at the Theraprism who managed to opt out of the recarnation ceremony praise the axolotl for that one. You thought it was nice to try to give back to them you know to show that redemption is worth the effort! You felt like you had a pleasant experience there or maybe because you were more cooperative than your peers.

But after the copious amount of interviews and several months of being on the waiting list.

You finally were met with a small envelope congratulating you on your approval into the program and your pen pal. You thought things were finally going well for a chance.

Until…you were brought to have a one-on-one conversation with THE Axolotl themselves you felt like maybe this wasn’t a good idea anymore…They wanted to talk about your pen pal, Bill Cipher. You were somewhat familiar with the name mostly being associated with the chaos he left in his wake.

He was a force to be reckoned with.

Was…

“He is someone who is quite..um…complex..” Look up from your teacup to glance at the other being across the table. The word “Complex” still feels like an understatement to you. The axolotl smiled down at your eyes laced with slight concern before continuing.

“I’ve read your file..” Shit. ”You seem to have been the star patient during your stay. Self-admitted leading to 500,000 years stay before you were released. The top storyteller during puppet hour.“

You can feel yourself getting hot with embarrassment as you sink into your seat. “Yeah, Dr.Oswald says he misses my shows…” You swirl around the remaining tea left within the cup. You don’t know what to say or why they brought you here to begin with. Did all the other participants go through this conversation as well?

“I already know why he joined the program. But I hope for a better outcome than another trip to Wellness Void and I think you can help me with that.”

Looking back down at the blank sheet of paper the pen feels more lighter in your hand now. Just breathe and relax if you mess up you can fix it later.

Dear Bill,

Sorry for my first letter being so plain I can honestly admit I’m a bit nervous about messing this up. I never knew how to talk to someone without it feeling awkward so this is a new step for me. As someone who used to be in the same position you’re in I feel like I can you some advice on how to make your stay less boring! Like, if you want to get out of group therapy it’s time to start taking advantage of art time!

Start doing big projects that take up time with this when art time is over you can ask to stay. But it’s important to say it so can present your piece to the next time group therapy session! Use this advice sparingly those counselors in there are nice but they ain’t dumb! Also if the vending machine is still in the cafeteria hold down on the C button it should give you an extra snack but it’s sadly randomized.

Well, I hope this letter finds you well and also thank you for the bracelet I hope to make you something special when I write to you again!

Sincerely,

██████

[coryoskywalker]

Save Me (Part two) Young! Coriolanus Snow x Reader

Description: Coriolanus and Reader finally admit their feelings. But at what cost?

Ps I also wrote this half asleep again so it’s not perfect like at all.

Coriolanus Snow kept his distance from yourself for the next few weeks. He didn't want to make them uncomfortable after spilling everything to you, but he couldn't deny the feeling in his heart. He wanted to spend more time with you. He couldn't explain what was happening to him, what this feeling in his heart was, and it was frustrating for him. So he kept his distance from you, hoping that perhaps, they would say something or come to him.

You had always been the perfect kid in your parents' eyes. You never gave them a reason to be upset and in turn, they wanted the best. That's why when they saw you couldn't find a suitor for yourself they stepped in and started arranging marriages like the good Capitol citizens they were. You felt so tired - all you wanted was a way out of her parents' clutches. But for now, you had to sit back and watch the suitors come into their home and beg for your hand in marriage.

You had to watch from the corner of the room as potential suitors came one by one to meet with you and your parents. You hated every bit of it. It was as if you had no choice. It didn't feel like people were asking for your hand because they wanted you, it felt like they wished to be tied to a family that was seen as prestigious. For weeks, this went on, each time leaving yourself feeling numb and dead. You wanted to run away, to tell your parents no but didn't know how.

Coriolanus was all you thought about. The past weeks had felt like forever. There wasn't a single day that you didn't think of Coriolanus, wondering what he did and where he could be. You felt like there was a small chance he liked you back, although you weren’t too sure. You had to be careful though since your mother and father often asked what you were thinking about. At first, the answer would be about nothing, but it quickly became, 'Coriolanus Snow'.

At first, you couldn't believe you were thinking a lot about Coriolanus Snow. He was never someone you had thought about, let alone be fascinated with. But you found herself always thinking of how you wanted to speak with him again. To tell him how you felt about him. You had never felt this way before and wasn't sure what it meant. But one thing was for sure -you wanted to see Coriolanus Snow again.

———————————————————————————

As you stood outside Coriolanus' door. You were feeling so awkward right now and a small part of you was regretting ever coming here. But you couldn't turn back now. You knocked on the door and waited for any response. Your heart was racing right now, you could feel your heart pounding in your ears. You didn't know what to do, what to say. Only a blank canvas was painted on your mind.

As you knocked on the door, the sound of footsteps were getting closer as Coriolanus opened the door. He looked at you and his face was blank for a moment. He hadn't expected to see yourself here, but then again, it would have been worse had you sent him a letter. Coriolanus stepped aside and opened the door fully. "Come in." He said. When you stepped into his apartment, closing the door behind you inhaled a deep breath as Coriolanus stepped back to observe you.

Coriolanus looked at you, seeing that you were nervous now. But how could you not be? You had just came unannounced to his apartment, something out of your own volition. "It's alright." He said calmly. "Is... there something you need?" He asked, noticing that you probably had a reason for coming here.

You paused for a moment unable to form any words. You sighed before admitting to him the cause of this late night interaction.

“My parents Coryo, they want me to have an arranged marriage assuming I’m not capable to find my respective suitor. They’re interviewing many suitors as we speak at home…I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t stay in that house any longer”. You told him.

Coriolanus stared at your face, letting his face go blank as soon as you admitted those words. Did he heard right? "An arranged marriage?" He asked softly. Something in him felt... strange at the mention of you having an arranged marriage. He wasn't sure what it was. Did he feel jealous? "Who are they making you marry?" He asked, looking into your eyes.

“I don’t know”. You shamelessly admit.

Coriolanus wanted to curse and shout when he heard your words. You couldn't have an arranged marriage. You were too smart and beautiful to be tied to some suitor just so your family could gain a good reputation. It felt wrong and cruel. Was your father just using you as a bargaining chip? Did he not care for your as a child, but rather see you as a way to gain power? Coriolanus felt a pang of shame as he thought about it. "Do you want to stay with me?" He asked.

“Are you sure?” You said with uncertainty.

Coriolanus looked at you, seeing now how worried you were. You were always a confident person, always knew what to do, always calm. But now you looked broken, tired and scared. He had no idea that you even could look that way. "Of course. You can stay as long as you want." Coriolanus said, his voice almost sounding soft.

Coriolanus watched as you stepped in and shut the door behind. Now, they were alone in this quiet apartment. It was just the two of them. Coriolanus couldn't help but feel a bit weird. You had never been to his apartment before and now... he felt a bit strange now that you’re in his home. He didn't knew what to say, how to act. All he could do was to look at you, who was now sitting on a chair, arms wrapped around your body.

Coriolanus went and grabbed a blanket, covering your cold body as they sat in the living room. The silence felt heavy and he wasn't sure what to say. Suddenly, they turned their head and their gaze met. Your eyes were soft, your face looked drained and dead tired. Coriolanus didn't spoke, he just looked at you. What was he supposed to say? They were alone, the silence was eating him alive as he felt his heart pounding. For a moment, Coriolanus felt like he could kiss you.

Coriolanus Snow looked at you, their gazes meeting yet again. He wanted to tell them how he felt since the day he met you. He wanted to hold you so close that all fear and anxiety would dissappear.

“Is this real?” Coriolanus questioned. Your eyes widen at his question, immediately understanding his question. Yes, yes it felt very much real to you but you didn’t know how to tell him. How to tell Coriolanus how much you liked, no, loved him.

"Please, assure me that what I'm feeling is real. The mere thought of not being by your side torments me. Knowing about your arranged marriage, I can't bear the uncertainty. I'm ready to risk it all for the chance to be with you," Coriolanus pleaded, holding your hand gently against his chest.

"Coryo, I... I'm at a loss for words," you stammered, unable to express your emotions. Sensing his disappointment, Coriolanus released your hand and took a step back. Panicking at the possibility of him misunderstanding, you seized his hand and pulled him close, silencing his doubts with a passionate kiss.

Little did they realize that fate had already woven the threads of their tragic tale, and every stolen glance, touch and kiss was a step closer to their inevitable downfall.

[sysmedsaresexist]

As someone who remembers how vile syscourse was just a few years ago, when I heard this blog experienced character devrlopment, I was shocked at first. When I found some posts explaining it, I was even more intrigued.

If anyone is open to it, I wouldn't mind a link to any explanation of how you fell into sysmedicalism and how you started unlearning it. I'm genuinely proud of you for that development, because changing your entire outlook on a topic is difficult, especially when you have people who support that old view but not the new one behind you. This isn't meant to be condescending, in case it is read that way.

Syscourse has only gotten more vile, honestly.

This ask kind of comes at an interesting time. Last night, I made a post about the TPA and my extreme hatred for them (that'll never change), but I linked a post from my second Twitter account, which brought me WAY back to my first active move in syscourse.

First off, hi, it's not condescending. I found it's a lot easier to talk about than I thought it would be. It doesn't hurt as much as I thought to say, "I was wrong and being hard-headed." I was expecting ego death, but instead, everyone has been so kind.

I was asked what made me switch sides, but as for my humble beginning...

I spent a good couple years just lurking and watching. I was out in therapy and quietly taking all these questions to my therapist. "Are endos real? Is DID really trauma based? Could I be endo? Is that what you become when you heal from DID?"

Suffice to say, not the healthiest questions. There was a lot of misinformation out there. Through talking to my therapist, I believed I was in the right, and I debated for a long time getting involved to talk about some of the more prominent myths about DID.

But then.

Then.

I met Bethany.

Well, I didn't meet her. She blocked me immediately. She was a social worker, and a pro endo, DID system, but I really didn't like the way she talked down to CDD systems.

She was actually huge on Twitter, she had her own website and everything for sex positive therapy, she was doing interviews, she made wild claims about what kind of work she had done in the field, sob stories about clients that didn't make it. She had just started something called the Dissociative Society of Canada.

She was BIG.

And she was a liar.

I'm actually genuinely curious if anyone remembers this, it was seriously a huge, DESTRUCTIVE event to hit BOTH communities.

The Dissociative Society of Canada was real. She started it. But she was not a social worker. Her stories weren't real.

Having done all the same schooling myself, in the same province, with the same rules, I knew she was lying, and I called her out for it.

The pro endo AND CDD community attacked me HARD. I was told I was harassing and stalking, I remember reading the post that called for people to mass report me and I remember the emails starting to flood in from Twitter from countries that required the email be sent for reports. The only posts I had made on Twitter had been about Bethany, but people were talking about who I must be as a person and why I was so angry and jaded and terrible.

Eventually, Bethany admitted it. She never publicly apologized. She made her board of directors do it for her in a letter about shutting down the society (they hadn't known either). I was able to get her listed as an unlicensed therapist to avoid (she's still on there). The Dissociative Society of Canada was shut down after only a year.

And I felt terrible. I hated myself. The posts that came out afterwards about how much people had loved Bethany and how their trust had been destroyed, people that had done therapy with her and were permanently damaged by the lie. She had given a lot of people hope, but it was all a lie.

That was my fault. If I hadn't said anything, I don't think she would have been caught. She was still in school to get her education, she wanted to become licensed, she just wasn't yet.

But it was illegal for her to be providing therapy and telling everyone she was a social worker. She used this title to shut down anyone who disagreed with her, even when she was clearly wrong.

It was a clusterfuck. I came out of it DESPISING endogenic systems for the harassment and misinformation, and the lies about ME. I hated the desire to ignore her unlicensed, illegal actions simply because she had been a prominent voice for the pro endo community (seriously, people wished I hadn't done it, that she had never been called out and had continued her work).

This was my first real interaction with the pro endo community. A lying POS and a bunch of endos lying about me.

I started JAS around that time, and we all know what happened from there. My first post was about the myth of the 10% non-traumagenic in the DSM (it's a misquote).

I don't want to say I wanted to replace Bethany-- I wanted to show how someone who wasn't licensed could still advocate without lies, I wanted to provide that same level of educated discussion, I actually heavily considered putting together a licensed team to start another dissociative society. I debated getting licensed to do it myself.

Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out that way.

I did get her Twitter url out of it when she deleted, though. My trophy.

Ending on a sad note, I suppose.

I was distrusting of the endo community, I was angry. I didn't trust anyone for a long time after this. Who would just go online and lie like that?

It took a really long time to get over it and let go of that anger and hurt.

Remember, don't trust anyone or anything on the internet. Fact check everyone and everything, even if you think you already know the answer, or think you know who someone is.

If she hadn't been such an actual bitch to people, I wouldn't have noticed. Seriously. This was the tweet that caught her, no therapist should talk like this to anyone. The concerns raised in the first image mirrored my own exactly, and I would not have appreciated being spoken to that way. I thought, if she IS licensed, she should be reprimanded. But I couldn't find her license, and thus began the downfall of Bethany Killen.

TL;dr if you're lying on the internet, be nice to people :)

While I didn't always live up to my own standards of civility (I can admit that), I TRIED to speak to endogenic systems as respectfully as possible, and my only goal was to NOT be like Bethany. Sometimes I failed, but at least I never claimed to be licensed.

The point is that I'm trying to be better every day. Finally admitting that I was pro endo made it a lot easier to be nice. I wasn't trying to hold up this charade anymore.

And finally, I want to remind everyone that it's not just "the other side" that can do damage or spread misinformation. Our own community can do damage if we don't call each other out, too.

The most damaging thing I've ever seen in syscourse came from another CDD system.

I think I've rambled enough, thank you!

[ladysophiebeckett]

You made me want to rewatch ysblf and it made me realize that Armando is lowkey actually kind of insane? He goes from barely noticing Betty to getting real intense about her. He blurred the professional and personal lines way before the plan. Like why was he so upset to find out she had a boyfriend? He really expected her to confide in him with such a private matter. He was just his boss even if he treated in a special way like he states, but then again, why do that in the first place? I think you mentioned that there was no way this is how he treated his prev secretary which is honestly very interesting and speaks volumes about when his feelings for her started to deepen without even realizing it. Of course we know It wasn’t true that she was dating Nicolas, but even if she had had a bf for real, she still wouldn’t have told him. She was really reserved and constantly tried to keep her personal life private before their affair. And also they way he reacted after Charlie Zaa kissed her on the cheek and she got all excited? And to react like that with Marcela in close proximity?

It almost makes me wish her supposed bf had been someone other than Nicolas bc since he was aware of everything and involved with Terramoda it was easy for Mario to become paranoid of his true intentions with Betty and pass this on to Armando, but with someone else in the picture that was not involved on their business in any way? His whole jealousy would have been very hard to disguise. Or would Mario still find a way to get paranoid and suspicious? Was she really not allowed to have a love life while Ecomoda was hers? This part is crazy to me. Love and business was mixed so well in the series. There’s this whole ambiguity regarding Armando’s feelings and about the reason of his reactions that adds so much to the story and makes him a very complex character. I had watched lfmb before and Lety’s revenge wasn’t enjoyable to me because the filler they added before she read the letter made it very obvious that Fernando was in love with her and already wanted to cancel his wedding to be with her instead, he flat out admits this out loud whereas Armando tried to deny his feelings for so long, put on a façade in front of Mario even when it was no longer believable that even he had to call him out on it, all of this made this whole arc very satisfying to watch as a viewer. End of this whole discourse lol sorry it took me so long and it’s all over the place but your comments are spot on always so I wanted to share my unsolicited thoughts with you. Thank you ☺️

You made me want to rewatch ysblf and it made me realize that Armando is lowkey actually kind of insane?

I know i say he's insane here (lmao) but I gotta defend him and say you know, perhaps he is just intense? (it's both). I've said before he's very emotional (and not very rational) and he has an ego (and he's insecure). You combine those these traits (plus a child of nepotism who has never been denied anything) and you get Armando.

He goes from barely noticing Betty to getting real intense about her. He blurred the professional and personal lines way before the plan. Like why was he so upset to find out she had a boyfriend? He really expected her to confide in him with such a private matter.

Betty impressed him from the interview when she said, 'I know I can learn a lot from you'. Fed his ego a little bit but also Betty's honesty brings out a tender look in Armando's eyes. Softens him. Also, despite what everyone says, he really did want a secretary that could do actual work. Aside from not wanting to hire Patricia bc he didn't want Marcela spying on him.

Armando, despite having everything one could dream of having in life, has never had someone in his corner without asking for anything in return. Let's backtrack real quick---His dad voted for Daniel to be president, despite the fact that its said that Daniel has never worked at Ecomoda. Armando got the extra vote he needed from Marcela, whom he discussed marriage with days before the vote. So all he knows is transactional relationships and how any kind of support is conditional. His animosity towards Daniel stems from competition that Roberto instilled. Armando has no idea what loyalty looks like or what it means to be unconditional to someone. Until he meets Betty.

If Armando is insane about Betty in one way, then so is Betty in her loyalty to him. She held onto his agenda like she was asked even tho it got her fired, she turned down a top dollar bribe even tho it could have helped her family (and felt terrible for contemplating it when she confessed it to him), she helped him cover his affairs with other models, she helped him commit financial fraud, she helped him set up a company so the banks wouldn't jump him. Who does that? An insane person (who's terribly in love with their boss).

Armando has never had someone in his life that he didn't have to share, who isn't related to anyone he hated, who he doesn't have to make backend deals with to get what he wants. For the first time he has someone who's on his side and no one else's.

And in the middle of all of that, she becomes his friend. His confidant. His co-schemer. He's instilled so much trust in her. Allowed her to know so much about him. Things that Marcela doesn't even know. In return, he's met her family (bc as a mutual said, they are always together), she later confesses to him that she lied to her dad about how she started off as his secretary (not assistant). He feels, up until the embargo happens, that he knows her.

But then he hears she has a boyfriend and suddenly he feels a sense of betrayal. Why didn't she confide this personal information with him when he probably gave her his social security number? (and also his company but he's not even thinking about the company when he hears the possibility that she has a boyfriend). Now suddenly he has to share her?? (Mi Betty tiene novio??) That all that loyalty, admiration, and devotion she's shown him up until that moment might not be his at all. On top of that, he realizes that he may not know her as well as he thought and that she may not want him to know her like she knows him. And I think that both offends and hurts him.

The lines from Armando's POV become blurred first because of all the above. The more he trusts her, the more he depends on her, (which scares Mario btw). ect. But it's different for Betty because she is very aware of the lines and when the affair portion starts, she begins to struggle with it.

Of course we know It wasn’t true that she was dating Nicolas, but even if she had had a bf for real, she still wouldn’t have told him. She was really reserved and constantly tried to keep her personal life private before their affair

She absolutely would not have told him and the only reason the cuartel thought she had a thing for Nicolas was bc Mariana read her the cards and the cards implied that there was a man in Betty's life and they teased her about it. She used Nicolas's name to cover up her growing feelings for Armando as a consequence of her attempting to keep her private life private. And the sad thing about that is once Armando gets word about Nicolas and the boyfriend rumors, Betty writes in her diary that she fears something bad will happen. And, u know, it does.

And also they way he reacted after Charlie Zaa kissed her on the cheek and she got all excited? And to react like that with Marcela in close proximity?

Jealous of the way she enjoyed Charlie Zaa's attention, straight up forgot Marcela was there. Also, the fact that for a nanosecond she admired another man that wasn't him.

...but with someone else in the picture that was not involved on their business in any way? His whole jealousy would have been very hard to disguise. Or would Mario still find a way to get paranoid and suspicious?

Mario would still find a way to be suspicious. If it was someone, say for example, some old co worker from the bank she worked at--We'll call him Bank Guy. If Bank Guy was Betty's BF, Mario would say 'Well how do we know we can really trust her when she didn't tell you that Nicolas was working for Terramoda? How do we know she won't also tell Bank Guy about the embargo? How do we know she won't also give a job to Bank Guy?' It would still bother Armando that she didn't tell him about hypothetical Bank Guy bc he thought they had a reciprocal friend\schemer\employee\boss relationship (you're right, he's insane).

Was she really not allowed to have a love life while Ecomoda was hers?

This requires an essay length response bc BOY do I have thoughts on this!!!! Short Answer: In Armando's eyes, NO. Because that's his Work Wife.

....I had watched lfmb before and Lety’s revenge wasn’t enjoyable to me because the filler they added before she read the letter made it very obvious that Fernando was in love with her and already wanted to cancel his wedding to be with her instead...

I watched LFMB when was like, 16, and have gone back a couple times to rewatch some scenes and no--Lety's gaslighting arc doesn't hit the same. Even tho I will always defend LFMB's 'before the letter filler arc' bc its cute, it makes the story lose its pacing. Betty has to read the letter right after the second night, right as Armando feelings are at a high point so that their roles are reversed. Lety and Fernando aren't as calculating, they're too emotional (crybabies), their romance reads like two infantile adults who grew up lonely. Betty and Armando are not like that at all. They're set up as soulmates, but their inner problems as people are not identical.

...whereas Armando tried to deny his feelings for so long, put on a façade in front of Mario even when it was no longer believable that even he had to call him out on it, all of this made this whole arc very satisfying to watch as a viewer.

LFMB really robs Fernando of this bc they didnt want him to be unlikable. Armando at the beginning of the story is not someone you wanna see get the girl, but that's part of his journey. And modern audiences dont understand that. Fernando not hiding his love for Lety doesn't hit the same as watching Armando fight with himself and making excuses for his feelings and then finally witnessing him say to an empty office 'Armando Mendoza you're in love for the first time in your life and it's with Beatriz Pinzon Solano'.

That is the build up audiences are waiting for with a character like Armando and when Fernando does it....It's doesn't hit and it's not as memorable.

[armpirate]

Kalla | Choi San || Chapter 14

MASTERLIST Previous || Next

Pairings: CEO!San x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers.

Warnings: dom!San, sub!reader, voyeourism, use of sex toys, bondage, dirty talk, BDSM, exhibitionism, rough sex.

Summary: She was surprised by how fast her life went from the perfect fairytale to the destructive mess it had turned into. Dealing with a cheater ex boyfriend, having to move out to a different place because the house she lived in belonged to that man she once dreamed of spending the rest of her life with, while continuously being underappreciated at work... It was as if life was telling her to stop dreaming big, to go back to her small town, Bibury, and help her parents run the small farm her family had owned for decades.

At least until she received a call from her friend.

A sudden vacancy as an assistant showed up on one of her friend's system, having her being encouraged to take that big step and apply for it. She had no hopes for it. Mainly because she didn't have any experience on the field, and she didn't comply with most of the requirements that were added on the offer -and which most of them sounded ridiculous and exaggerated for the position, making her wonder who was the freak who needed so many guidelines in order to hire someone to pick up the phone and schedule events. 

Although that hotel she'd be working on was much more than anything she could've come up with. 

Choi San wasn't someone easy to deal with. After his previous assistant presented his resignation letter on his desk, he felt forced to start the whole selection process again -after merely two months. 

Sure that he was being way too strict, enough to find that anyone who applied for the position wasn't enough, he asked one of his friends to be in charge of the interviews and the selection of the most adequate candidate. 

Little did he know Wooyoung would hire the imperfectly perfect candidate for him, sure that she'd help him in many ways other than just in dealing with the responsibilities of his position. 

A new challenge will come their way as soon as she steps inside the hotel. 

Y/n will have to learn how to mold onto him and deal with all his small habits and requirements, and San will find himself trying to open up and let out all those same things that turned him into the person he was. 

The more she digs in Kalla and all of its secrets and exciting corners, the deeper she'll dive into San's heart and soul... Although, maybe, she won't be able to take it. 

Kalla opens its doors to you, sharing the vast amount of filthy and erotic plans it offers, and that you can join with a partner... Or maybe just by yourself. 

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Chapter duration: 18 minutes

Misuk exited San's office minutes later, coming out with a victorious smile and a superior pose while she walked across the small space Y/n occupied to lead others to her boss. Her jaw was clenched just by watching the way her hips swayed with each step, and it made her furious to think about San running to her when he was telling her minutes before to meet up again because he liked what happened between them enough to repeat it.

The real question was why she felt annoyed about it, when it shouldn't matter to her at all. Not even a little bit.

—Oh, look who we have here —Wooyoung peeked through the door with a mischievous smile.

—Oh, hi —she smiled—. How are you?

—Wow, your Korean got so good in just a few weeks —he applauded, stepping inside her office.

Y/n couldn't help but scoff, shaking her head before looking back at the man in front of her, who hid his hands inside the pockets of his black pants, moving the edges of his blazer back so he'd be able to fit them right.

—I should've sent you an email to do a follow up, but it's been a messy few weeks —he admitted, pressing his lips together after switching back to English.

—It's alright —she shrugged—. I didn't really expect you to do that follow up either.

It wasn't like she was treated that way in her previous job. Actually, San was an angel compared to her previous boss. She was thrown to that new position, and all those new responsibilities without an adaptation period. As soon as she stepped in that office, she was expected to do all of the tasks that were done by the team, formed by professionals that had been working in the company for more than five years. At least San allowed her to go at her own pace, and gave her some freedom to act how she needed, and even presented her properly the few times they had been outside together.

—Still, it's important to do it —he insisted—. Just in case you need anything.

Y/n just nodded, knowing they would enter a loop if she decided to again tell him it wasn't necessary.

—And —he moved his head, suddenly interested in her answer—, how's the beast treating you?

San opened the door to his office suddenly, having Wooyoung looking at him surprised at the sudden and brusque sound.

—The beast is treating her fine —San rushed to answer—. Do you have to name me that way?

He never was bothered at Wooyoung teasing him, it was something that was included in their friendship and that he even found funny most of the time. Except when he heard Y/n giggling at that sentence, indirectly agreeing that he was indeed a beast, who earned that nickname with every reason.

—Yeah, he's alright —Y/n answered when Wooyoung switched his gaze from him to her.

—What do you need? —San asked, taking one step forward.

—Well, I'm leaving for Boston in a few hours, and I wanted to meet up with you before —Wooyoung suggested—. Just a coffee. Y/n, do you want to come?

That was the chance she had been waiting for to sneak inside his office and delete her name off that list. San was going to leave his computer unattended, and luckily Wooyoung would keep him entertained for, at least, thirty minutes before he came back and closed himself there.

—No —she shook her head, first looking at San and then at Wooyoung—, no. I need to do some things, but thank you.

San left with his friend, dedicating one last look at Y/n before closing the door behind him. He actually preferred her to stay there so he could talk with his friend about a few things, her being included among all of those things.

—So, what's new? —Wooyoung asked, slowing his pace to walk next to San.

—Well, I'm okay —he lied—. Everything's going well, everything's going perfect. The investors are happy, I'm happy... the hotel is working well. Well, well, well. Everything's great.

—Oh lord, you're talking nonsense —his huff fell big on San's shoulders—. What did you do?

—It's what I didn't do —San confessed—. Shall we go to one of the tables at the back?

San was never picky to the different seats, he only did when he needed to discuss something that he didn't want others to hear. That way was how his friend knew that, whatever was messing with his head, was important. And he waited until the two of them carried their coffees to their table to ask.

—What is it? —Wooyoung sat in front of him, moving his head to encourage San to speak— Is it about the hotel? No, you wouldn't have bothered to move at the back of the restaurant for that. Sex? You met someone? Oh shit, you got someone pregnant.

His hiss stopped Wooyoung from continuing his one-sided interrogatory, stopping the next big group of words coming out of his mouth by speaking softly.

—I didn't get anyone pregnant —Wooyoung sipped on his coffee while San looked around nervously—. I think it's even worse.

—Worse? —he frowned— Oh shit, you got a venereal disease? I knew those games you played would have consequences.

—No, it's not that. I'm clean. And, for your information, there's a higher chance you get a std anywhere else than here.

—Okay, then what is it? —Wooyoung finally insisted— I can't play the Guess What? all day.

—I'm attracted to someone —San finally admitted.

Wooyoung's shoulders fell, while his lips went back to a straight line while he stared deeply at San. He was clearly disappointed at the confession, or the lack of details, at least.

—And that's it?

—The problem is who it is —San looked around nervously, trying to make sure that no one was listening to their conversation—. I don't even know how to look at her in the eyes with the things that cross my mind...

—Please, don't tell me it's Misuk. That woman is annoying as hell, and I'm sure you can do way better.

—It's not Misuk.

—Then tell me who it is, because you're driving me nuts —Wooyoung finally exclaimed, slightly hitting the border of the table with his palms.

—It's Y/n, and I really don't know why. I don't even know where it came from —his hand scratched his temple—. One day she was just there, and I couldn't control it. She pops in my head at random times, I can't stop thinking about kissing her and, fuck, that the most innocent thing among all the things I think about her. I'm a shitty person —San tried to hide his face behind his palms.

—Y/n? —Wooyoung questioned, puckering his lips while nodding— I can see why.

—Huh?

—She's smart, she's nice, she's lovely... Of course you are attracted —the naturality in which he spoke confused San even more.

—And she's my employee.

—As if that could be a problem —Wooyoung added, squinting his eyes—. As long as she agrees, I can't see why it'd be bad. Think of her as a coworker.

—That I'm paying to work for me.

—And who's also a woman before being an employee —he replied back—. The important detail isn't if she works for you, but if she's attracted to you, too. Did you notice something?

While trying to drive back into his thoughts, San noticed all the small gestures that led him to the biggest silence. There wasn't a small sign that he could use to ever think Y/n felt attracted to him. Not a single one.

—Nah, I doubt she likes me —San shook his head, sighing before sipping on his coffee.

—It's normal. I bet you've been a pain in the ass —Wooyoung scolded him—. You need to be more gentle with her, appeal to her soft side. And then go to the rough side.

—Forget it. It's better if I just forget about her —his lips curved in disgust—. Even if it was mutual, I doubt things would go further than an uncomfortable experience in the bedroom, that'd be left half done. And even if it turned out well, I'm not sure she'd agree with what I like. I don't want to go through the same thing that happened... Well, you know what I'm talking about.

—It wasn't your fault —Wooyoung tried to make him feel better—. You didn't force her to do anything. She tried to push her limits way too far, until she wasn't able to handle it.

Either way, it was a way better decision to go on with someone he had met in one of those clubs than trying his luck with someone who was new in that world. At least that way he was sure he'd connect with that other person, with not an inconvenience that could take his sleep away for weeks.

—If you want my advice, either find someone new to take her out of your head, or try things with Y/n —Wooyoung simply shrugged, unable to find better advice—. It's the first time I've seen you like this for a person.

Which made it even more messed up.

—I even hooked up with someone last night. It was amazing —he admitted—. But I still can't stop thinking about her, and the fact that this other girl hasn't texted me doesn't make things better.

—Honestly, I see it quite clearly —Wooyoung puckered his lips—. Pay attention to Y/n's signs, and if it's all alright, then try to go out with her, test the chemistry... you know what I mean.

There were many things that could go wrong with Wooyoung's idea. The first one being Y/n feeling offended by his attempt on trying to be alone with her, or just himself misunderstanding her signs and creating a huge problem that he didn't need.

—By the way, isn't next week your mother's anniversary?

—Yeah, I'm planning on going to London —at some point, he just stopped drinking, moving his spoon in circles inside the cup—. Y/n is also coming with me. I'll meet up with some suppliers, and I thought it'd be nice for her to meet them all in person.

He could only sigh and roll his eyes when he was aware of Wooyoung's expression when he mentioned Y/n. He was going to regret ever telling his friend anything of what was going on with her, and all the problems that had come along with it.

While she started his computer, Y/n could only think of the big issue: it'd be if his screen was locked, or if the file was blocked behind a code. But she was relieved to see that things were working out in her favor, with the computer unlocking with the click of just one button, and the file opening up automatically -probably he had the code saved so it'd open directly from that device.

Her lip was trapped in between her teeth while her eyes constantly checked over her shoulder the door that was half opened, feeling her heart beating reaching a whole different level of speed while she fought her own needs to start crying at any time.

She jumped when she read her name, choosing the line she was at to remove herself, leaving no trace of her participation at the Spadix.

It didn't matter how she was curious about his reaction about her being the person he slept with, it was better off without him knowing.

While a sigh of relief escaped her lungs, and took away all preoccupation, her eyes fell on the headline of a printed headline he had under the support of his laptop. It took her a few seconds to manage to make up one word out of all the characters, leading up to an intrigue that had her trying to get more out of it.

Scandal in...

Before she could continue, she heard a hawk in front of her. San had one of his hands inside his pockets, while his body took most part of the door frame while he stared at her with a serious expression.

—Do you need anything?

—Hmm —her eyes ran around her surroundings, trying to find something that could help her, only to spot his computer still on—. I noticed your computer was on, so I came here to lock it while you were away.

His steps sounded heavy, yet calm, while he walked in her direction, feeling his gaze intensifying the way he was judging her until he stopped in front of her.

—And since I'm here to help you —she continued, feeling her saliva going thicker with each word—, I was...

Having him so near did nothing good to her. The images of the previous night started feeling her brain with short flashbacks, that had her cursing at herself for being unable to focus and even daring to glance a few times down his lips.

—What was I saying? —she asked, looking back at his brown eyes.

—That you were helping me —he tilted his head.

It was as if the universe was planning on making things harder for him after he convinced himself of the solution to all of his problems. And why was she subtly biting her lips that way from the inside?

—Are you free later? —he inquired with a low tone.

—What?

—I need to discuss something with you, and I thought it'd be better to do it somewhere else. Are you free later? —he repeated.

—Yeah, sure...

Y/n quickly damned it when she noticed where she was heading herself to, knowing that it was way too late to take back that unconscious answer while San walked next to her to sit in his chair.

—We'll leave together, then —he suggested—. Now if you don't mind... —he pointed at the door.

Her body reacted fast, nodding while she headed to the door, questioning with a simple gesture -like holding the knob- whether she should close it or leave it open. And just like he did when he first arrived, he requested her to leave the door open for him.

Ever since they agreed on meeting up, Y/n tried to come up with the smallest excuse to escape and hide in her home. Something deep inside her ruined her own plans, that small wish to see him in an environment that wasn't the office got control of all of her working brain cells, always getting in the middle of one of her ideas because they got interrupted with a spark of excitement.

She was in his car, with her hands resting uncomfortably on her lap while she tried to focus anywhere else but the man who was driving at her left.

The main reason why San chose to drive away from the hotel, and talk calmly with her in a restaurant nearby, was because he wanted to feel like they were on a neutral ground, and Kalla clearly wasn't one. He also spent most of his day inside the hotel, he barely went out of it, so he also used it as an excuse to escape his routine.

After he parked the car, Y/n followed him up close, stepping inside the big luxurious restaurant. The gray and black tones on the floor, ceilings and walls gave it an intimate atmosphere, in contrast with the blue chairs and tablecloths that made it look appealing -surprising her, because she never thought those colors would work together. It wasn't like she ever cared for the furniture or colors in places, until she had to find a way to keep herself from looking at San's wide back in front of her, clothed under that white shirt and the black vest that made it seem even wider.

She looked at him when San sat in front of her, getting comfortable on the chair while looking at the table, without glaring a single look at her.

—You probably wonder why we're here.

—Yeah, kinda —with a blink, she realized she was maybe a little bit too honest—. I meant that I'm curious why we're here, instead of talking about what you wanted back in the office.

—I thought this would be calmer —he admitted.

If so, she thought it was more dangerous.

—How are you feeling in your position? —San asked.

—Well, it's been a few weeks already —she subtly coughed, only interrupting what she was going to say so they'd order their drinks—. I think it's okay. I'm happy with my tasks, and I do what's on my hand to complete them.

—I noticed that.

San was impressed when he overheard a robotic voice from outside his office, only to notice it was Y/n's phone while using the translator to be able to communicate with the clients that called.

—The real question is if you're happy with my work.

He felt damned when her eyes looked at him under her eyelashes, looking innocent and coy while she waited for his answer.

—You're doing okay. You do what's expected from you, you've been of big help, and your Korean is improving with each day, so I can't really say anything bad —he took a sip of his wine—. I know I've been a bit tough with you, but sometimes I think it's needed to get things done just as they should —he justified—. What I mean is that if you ever think that it's a bit too much, just tell me —he simplified, having her nodding while pressing her lips—. If something ever goes beyond you, I want you to know you can count on me. Said this —suddenly, his features relaxed into a fond smile that allowed her to see those deep dimples—: tell me about you.

—About me?

—Yeah, we've been working together for almost a month, and I don't know anything about you.

—Well, I worked doing a lot of things in my previous position, which makes it hard to be concrete on what I worked on. So let's just say I did a bit of everything, including finishing works nobody wanted to finish —she shrugged.

—Is that the company you were in before here?

—Yup —Y/n nodded with a cheerful tone—. It was awful. And thank god I found this opportunity, because that place was testing my self-esteem —San looked worried, momentarily frowning and tilting his head—. I wasn't appreciated for the work I did, and most of the time they'd give the merit to someone else. It was awful. I remember....

She cut herself up, feeling like she was being way too honest about her feelings with someone that could use those same feelings against her at any time.

—What about you? Aren't you way too young to be the owner of such a big hotel?

—I'm not sure age has anything to do with what you can do.

—But it has to do with the resources you have to be able to do it —she answered back.

—Most of the income came from the investors —San laid his back against the backrest—, and it still keeps coming from them, apart from the profits of the hotel itself —his tongue poked against the skin under his lower lip—. Good connections do big things.

—Especially if one of the investors is after you —she mumbled, hiding her mouth behind the glass.

—What?

—Just that it seems like a lot of work —she lied—. I don't understand. This idea just came out of nowhere?

—More or less —he puckered his lips while nodding—. I met the right people while I lived in London, I guess.

—Oh yeah, Wooyoung mentioned that.

—Talking about that: Next week I'm going to London to solve some issues, and I think it'd be a good idea if you came as well —he suggested—. I'll be meeting up with suppliers and partners, and it'd be better for us to work on it if you're in the same time zone. You could also take the chance to visit your family.

The spark in her eyes forwarded him of the excitement she felt over being part of a work trip, and also being able to visit her friends and family just a month after leaving.

—You can think about it and give me an answer...

—Yeah, it'd be great —she interrupted, telling him her answer before he could even contemplate the possibility of her saying no.

San froze on the spot at her sudden confirmation, never expecting her to answer so quickly.

While they had dinner, he tried to guide her through all the tasks she'd have to do. First of all, booking their plane tickets and the hotel where they'd be staying the few days they were in London. And later all the meetings and lunches she'd have to convene with the people he needed to meet. Only leaving one of the days without anything to do, because he wanted to visit his mother's grave for her anniversary.

Y/n felt relaxed throughout the dinner, getting rid of all those uncomfortable vibes and careful words so she wouldn't mess things up with her boss. It actually was nice. San made her feel carefree, giggling at some of the jokes he made about some of the suppliers, or after he pointed out some funny quotes from his time living in London.

On their way to her place, after she had tried to persuade him to get her a taxi instead, her eyes kept flying to his perfectly carved profile, noticing how sharp his jawline was, but also noticing the few freckles on his neck.

That man wasn't only attractive, but he also had the power to make a woman weak with his personality. But why did he show her that side of him? It could be it was only to make her comfortable, probably Wooyoung called him out on the coffee break they had together. In either case, Y/n felt doomed. A few hours back, she found it easy to resist him because of his distant personality. If he seemed more approachable, how was she going to be able to draw him on a whole different level to hers?

—It's here —she whispered, pointing at the three-floored building at the corner.

—Oh, this is a good neighborhood —he pointed out, resting his arm on the wheel after he stopped the car.

—Yeah, it's not bad —she nodded—. Where I lived before moving here, in London, there was a pub right down our building, and it was awful, especially on football days —she admitted, sighing—So I'm used to it. It's even calmer here.

—Well, it's on purpose so you don't miss it back home too much.

—So funny —she squinted her eyes.

There was a moment when their eyes were connected together, and neither of them was able to break it. San thought that dinner would probably remind him of that distance he needed to keep, but seeing Y/n so close, and so natural, only made things worse for him. And that same feeling didn't change for her, who found herself fighting her inner demons even harder the few times her eyes moved down his lips.

—It was a good dinner —he smirked.

—It was —she quickly nodded—. We should do it more often.

While he nodded in agreement, he didn't know when his body started moving to her, and she didn't know when she started closing her eyes, but it sure felt good.

Her lips were soft and warm while she kissed him back, lightly parting her lips to suck his lower lip. And somehow, her taste and the way she felt was familiar to him. He probably had imagined it so many times that he thought he had kissed her before in real life.

Y/n was trapped the second she felt his hands on each side of her neck, breathing heavily against her lips before he changed the perspective of the kiss. He wasn't as rough as he was the previous night, and he didn't feel as confident either, allowing her to take the lead despite him being the one holding her. His silent groan when she placed her hand on his thigh to find some support dragged her deeper in delusion, instead of bringing her back into reality, remembering pretty well how good he sounded, and how perfect he looked when he only had eyes for her.

San was her boss. That was the sudden thought she had when the idea of him going home with her clouded her mind. She made that mistake once, she couldn't repeat it again.

—We can't do this —her voice sounded shaky when she first spoke, only lowering her gaze to break the kiss.

—It's... why?

—You're my boss, this isn't alright —she finally moved back—. Let's just forget about this.

The click of her seatbelt echoed in his brain even harder than her words, unable to say a word while she just kept insisting it couldn't happen again while stepping outside the car.

She was right. He didn't know what was going through his head. 

Taglist: @brown88

[wotcherangie]

WHY LETTUCE CONFESSION TO RYOU IS NOT THE END BUT THE BEGINNING - A love letter to every fellow shipper

I know I am going totally on the opposite direction of so many Ryoutasu fellow shippers, but this post (more of an essay) is for you, or, better said, for us <3

I am here to say how much I loved this episode, even thought it left me heartbroken and devastated, because, as I have already said in many answers and posts, I am here for Retasu’s character arc and development and Ryou has a major, and emotional, role in that. Love is love, it is not beautiful just when it has a happy ending, it is also beautiful for how many emotions it gives you, for how much it makes you feel alive. For Retasu it is love and it is real, even though it got her heartbroken, maybe mostly because of that.

Because, despite the final outcome, Ryou cares about her, about her feelings well and her feeling worthy, nothing is gonna change that.

But let’s move along on why I loved this episode so much as a Ryoutasu shipper:

• First of all I really liked how focused she was on the mission: even though her interest towards Ryou, even though she was clearly excited at the idea to spend the day with him, even though they were so close, EXTREMELY CLOSE to each other… she repeatedly told herself to focus on the mission, she even did researched about the museum, cause even thought she was going out with the boy she was in love with, she was also a Mew Mew. Really proud of that attitude, it resonate so much with producers interviews when they spoke about the girls not having to give up on anything, so she could handle both being in love and being a Mew Mew. YOU GO GIRL!

• Secondly, I really, deeply ADORED how during the whole episode, Retasu’s thoughts were about her falling in love with Ryou and WHY: her realizing that his words of kindness and encouragement were one of the reason she fell for him (as I said before, so different for the “falling for the handsome guy” trope), recalling his words, his smile, his gentle touch, you can felt how she treasured those moments and how much her feelings have grown, more and more, almost to the point to become unbearable.

She even admit herself she has tried to hide it, just for the purpose of not risking to suffer because of it, and this is the most human aspect of all, maybe the most relatable: we all pretend to not like or being into someone just not to suffer anymore; better being safe, faking a smile and daydreaming than taking the risk and being open and honest about our feeling, right?

That is where Retasu this time draws the line and decided not to lie to herself anymore.

Better risk and live than fake and not living at all. And that is why I am going straight to my final point.

• Finally, Retasu confesses her feelings. Are we really gonna not talk about AMAZING is this?

The most insecure and shy of all the Mew, the one that suffered rejection the most.. that makes the first step and fully open her heart to someone, THIS IS SO IMPORTANT.

After 20 years we finally have a girl that not only admits to herself she is in love with someone but that after the loneliness, after being bullied, after the rejection of friends and people around her… takes all her courage and makes, for the first time, the first move, even though if that would mean to risk it all, even if that could mean being rejected, cause face your fears and deal with your feelings and with yourself is more important than anything. She has shown a courage that most of the people don’t have, she was so incredibly brave that I couldn’t actually believed that.

Ryou himself, without even knowing, gave her that kind of courage and, alongside Ichigo and the others, made her able to being so brave: he was not only the guy she fell for but also the guy that made her being able to fall for someone in the first place, he is the very first reason she is able to declare her love for him, and he clearly realize the weight of that after her confession.

It is clear now, that even though he deeply cares about her, he doesn’t love her back, but that doesn’t matter. Not only because Retasu and Ryou character arcs are intertwined but at the same time has to be separated despite being or not being in a relationship with each other (as it should be in every relationship), but because him not being able to love her back is a necessary step during their respective growth, at least from my personal POV.

Having him love her back with no reason just because he sees how kind and strong she is would’ve been too simple, at the same time, her being loved back at her first try would’ve been too easy and would’ve stopped her growth. Growth is only possible when there is struggle (unfortunately XD).

Ryou is a complex character, with a specific mission and goal, a lonely boy damaged because of a lot of big traumas that has to deal with, his heart and mind are focused on revenge (not really the brightest or easiest path) and wouldn’t even dare to think about girlfriends and relationships, not now at least, not yet. I believe that Ryou sees himself sometimes as unworthy of love, especially by someone he has forced to fight, especially by someone as kind and as pure as Retasu. So his answer to her is totally in character and totally believable, so sincere and honest, even though it hurts.

So what do we have now? Is this the end? Nope. Actually, this is where the real stuff begins!

They are both aware of each other and how they feel about each other.

We have Ryou, who deeply care about Retasu and is now aware of her feelings for him and also of the fact that she is fine with that - yeah, she cried in Zakuro’s arms, but she surely acted strong in front of him, so he knows how mature and dedicated she is, not only to him but to the Mew project, to her teammates, to her friends.

And than we have Retasu, that after confessing to him did the final step breaking out her shell: now she is completely vulnerable, she is hurt, wounded… but she is also so much stronger.

And from this point, from now on, we can finally build. More dynamic between them, more characters growth (Retasu has to find her Mew Aqua after all, Ryou will have to deal with the ghosts of his past), Retasu being completely herself and honest in front of him even if that hurts, him seeing her as the strong girl that she is.

People are seeing the confession as a step backwards thinking about the OG anime, but I actually consider it a HUGE STEP FORWARD: no more space to interpretation or misunderstanding. That girl is in love with Ryou, she is gonna protect him at all cost and she will eventually move on OR grow even stronger feelings the more we proceed with the main lore.

I cannot wait to discover how both of them will grow from now on and how this episode will affect the future ones. Cause they were my OTP even when nobody even believed they could be a thing, they surely remains my OTP now that I saw how much potential they have and how strong her feelings are, how powerful she has become thanks to this amazing bond that still remains one of the most beautiful in the whole TMM serie, no matter what.

P.S. oh, yeah, final bitter note to anyone reading this: one day I will understand why people bothers so much explaining why THIS pairing should not being canon or being shipped in the first place. You are so bothered and annoyed by one of the healthiest and most beautiful relationship (platonic or romantic) in the whole fandom while at the same time seems to have no problem in shipping basically anything else, even the non canon/one sided/fanon/most toxic ones. Having your own opinion and personal taste about something is fair, letting people enjoy a show or a ship it is EVEN MORE FAIR. Don’t be a hater, there is space and room for everyone.

[imitationgame77]

Musings on "(Faked/Temporary/Apparent) Death of A Significant Other" in Fiction

[Mentions contents from Network Effect (The Murderbot Diaries), Sherlock Holmes, BBC Sherlock, and House, M.D. (Season 8), Good Omens. So, potential spoiler]

Losing someone you love is probably the most traumatising experience that can change you forever. In "Life Change Index" by Holmes and Rahe which gives a score (max=100) that indicates how much stress a mojor/minor change in life causes. Since even potentially good change, like starting a new jow, can cause some stress, it includes both positive and negative life changes. But "Death of a Close Friend (37)", "Death of Close Family Member (63)" have high levels of stress, with "Death of Spouse" comes to the top with 100 points.

It is also stressful to experience loss vicariously through books, dramas, and films. Even when they are fictional. When it comes to a temporary loss, however, it is a different matter altogether, I think. I may go as far as to say we actively love it. Pain of loss, anguish, followed by joy of reuniting with the loved one - which we probably do not get to experience (even vicariously) in real life.

The most classic example of "turned out to be actually alive!" is, Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Holmes leaves a farewell letter to Watson, with forensic? traces indicating he fell into the Reichenbach Falls with Moriarty. Watson being a Victorian gent, he does not describe how he fell to pieces. But when Holmes dramatically re-emerges 3 years later, Watson promptly faints. Then

Watson is delighted! He does not seem to mind that Holmes had led him to believe that Holmes was dead for 3 years, without a single note to say otherwise.

In BBC Sherlock, John Watson living in the 21st century was not so stoic in his response. At Sherlock's "death", John first fell to pieces, requiring him to go to see a therapist where he admits that Sherlock was his best friend. When Sherlock reappears with awkward cheerfulness, John punches him in the face after recovering from the initial shock. And stays very angry for a while, feeling betrayed by having been left to grieve for so long (2 years).

In House M.D., which is basically a medical drama version of Sherlock Holmes, with his best friend James Wilson, House also fakes his death. At his funeral, everybody tries to say something nice about House, but Wilson, angry with grief, calls him arrogant, accuses him for never caring for his friends. Then, gets a text message from House, "SHUT UP YOU IDIOT". House had to go to jail over petty crime for 6 months, when Wilson had only 5 months to live due to cancer. House sacrificed the rest of his career to spend the rest of Wilson's life together.

In Good Omens (Netflix version), when Aziraphale got inconveniently disincorporated, Crowley falls to pieces. Giving up on the idea of running away from Armageddon, he tries to drown his sorrow with drinks. When Aziraphale manages to find him there, Crowley immediately notices and gets delighted, even though Aziraphale was still without body and invisible.

~~~~~

The point I think I am getting to here is that "apparent death of a character, followed by a sort of resurrection" seems to be done in fictional creations when the said temporarily-deceased-one has a significant other that would take us (reader/audience) through anguish, followed by almost painful joy.

Thus, it makes sense to me that in Network Effect, it is Perihelion (aka ART) that would make the protagonist Murderbot go through grief by its apparent death. (Well, it was a death, for a while.) Obviously, MB would be devastated if it lost any of its humans. It cares for the PreservationAux colleagues deeply. But in addition to the fact that it would be a lot harder to resurrect a human (augumented or not) in a story later, it had to be ART, because as the author herself said in her interview, it is probably 'the love of Murderbot's life'.

It is noteworthy to say that MB itself did not give name to its emotional experience, because it probably did not know except that it was a very strong, very negative emotions. Its instant hatred towards those who killed ART and subsequent crippling grief become apparent to the readers through what Amena notices. Its pain is strong and raw, so much that even when MB is simply saying, Ugh, emotions, we feel its grief. And when finally we get to the part with:

All the lights in the control area went dark, then blinked back to life. Simultaneously all the display surfaces around me flickered, went to blank, then flashed reinitialization graphics.

And ART's feed filled the ship. In the pleasant neutral voice that systems use to address humans, it whispered, Reload in progress. Please stand by.

[ ..... ]

Then ART's voice, ART's real voice, filled the feed. It said, Drop the weapon.

Relief and joy we experience is almost heart-skippingly painful. Even though MB's response is more BBC Sherlock's John than the original John Watson, we know how much it must mean to MB. I re-listened/re-read that part at least 10 times.

It is also worth noting that ART also seems to love "pain of loss followed by joy of reunion/resurrection". In Artificial Condition, when a major character died in Worldhoppers, MB had to pause seven minutes while ART sat there in the feed doing the bot equivalent of staring at a wall, pretending that it had to run diagnostics. Then when the character came back to life 4 episodes later, ART was so relieved that they had to watch that episode 3 times before going on!

After long ramblings, my conclusion is, temporaly death of a significant character in fiction is good. More significant the character to the character we can emphasize with, the more painful the loss, and more delightful the reunion. John Watson is the love of Sherlock Holmes's life. Aziraphale is Crowley's. ART is Murderbot's.

[gaijin-fujin-resonance]

How Buck-Tick Found Me: A Fan Origin Story

I though I had written this all out before, but probably on a more ephemeral format.

Buck-Tick discovered me by accident in early 2022. I don't even known how many near-misses I must have had. The only time I had ever previously heard them was Aphex Twin's remix of In The Glitter on 26 Mixes For Cash in 2003. (Why, oh why didn't B-T release Shapeless in the UK in 1994, when I was into many of the artists on it!?!?) But despite having many friends who were into the noisier end of J-Rock (and tried force-feeding me bORIS or Boredoms), not once did anyone suggest B-T. I'm still mad about that!

On 25th February 2022, I was idly reading an interview with a K-Pop producer on The Guardian, who mentioned his teenage obsession with Visual Kei. The picture (of Versailles) on that linked article intrigued me. So I went straight to Spotify and looked up "Old School Visual Kei". The fourth song in grabbed my attention to the point where I looked up the artist - the combination of trip-hop beats; ethereal, shoegazey guitars; and deep, breathy, slightly gothic vocals immediately sucked me in. Yes, like most western fans, my introduction to B-T was ドレス.

I listened to a couple more Visual Kei songs, but none of them did for me what that one Buck-Tick track did. I went back and hit play on their Spotify profile, and ended up listening to them for the rest of the night, until way past my bedtime. I listened to nothing else for the rest of the week, absolutely captivated by everything I heard. It was like someone had taken every single genre of music I had ever cared about from the age of 15 - positive punk, new wave, goth, techno, industrial, cyberpunk, shoegaze, electro, spacerock, drone - and just simmered them in a crockpot with distinctive Japanese flavouring.

This seems crazy to admit now, but I listened to B-T for over a year without ever even knowing what they looked like. I was vaguely aware that they were still going (the latest release at that point was Go-Go B-T Train - I love trains with all my middle-aged British heart so that was a winner for me.) But the singles from Izora started popping up on my Release Radar. Every time one came on, I would find myself sitting upright, paying attention and going to check who it was by. Oh, wow, that old Japanese band has got a new album out? Cool!

I started following the tags on Tumblr. I liked the look of the singer; he reminded me of a cross between Blixa Bargeld and Brett Anderson. In May 2023, shortly after the release of Izora, a gifset wandered across my feed. No source, no tag of what video or song or even album it was. Just the most AESTHETIC images I had ever seen.

The singer was beautiful, but it wasn't the singer that captured me, it was the visual world that this video hinted at.

I spent the next two months chasing down every B-T video on YouTube, trying to find the source of this snippet. Annoyingly, it wasn't in the official videos on their channel. I went on a Deep Dive, until I found it was Love Me, in a fan-assembled playlist of all their early videos. Honestly, whoever compiled this thing: you CHANGED MY LIFE. I wish I could pinpoint the moment that I switched from "wow, I really like this band" to "OH MY GOD THE NEW HYPERFIXATION THAT WILL CONSUME ME FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS" - maybe it was somewhere between Love Letter and Heroine on this playlist?

I honestly thought I was going to fall in love with the handsome singer, like everyone else on earth. I started devouring Cayce's blog and BT Zone, looking for clues. I read the Japanese Wikipedia entry through Google Translate back when the EngliIh language version was little more than a stub. (Honestly, there was more information about the band on TV Tropes when i started researching.) But the more I read, the more I watched, the more I listened, the more I found myself drawn to the little blond guitarist. Interviews and fact sheets revealed we had a huge number of random, coincidental commonalities. But when he whipped out a theremin during SSL (inbetween commanding said singer to lick his boots) I was lost. You don't choose your Honmei, your Honmei chooses you. He chose hard. I can remember my oldest friend, around her birthday in August, laughing at me, saying "this Imai person has eaten your brain, huh?"

So I guess I had about a year and a half of liking the music, and about 3 or 4 months of being in the fandom before Atsushi collapsed onstage, and everything changed.

...

So although I'm no longer a New Fan, I feel like I have more in common with that experience. I wish I had decades of Deep History with the band - listening to their albums in order, I can hear all of the places in their long history where their taste and aesthetic aligned perfectly with whatever music I was listening to at the time. I do have that Deep History with many of their influences, enough that I feel I have secondhand familiarity with what they were doing.

I certainly understand why fans with a 30+ year history with the band might feel unsettled about the future and trepidation about B-T Mk II. (Except... among the people I follow, it doesn't seem like it's the long-haul fans who have already weathered so many changes, who are having the most trouble with it? The 30+ year fans seem to be the most loyal to the whole group as a concept, with or without Atsushi's corporeal presence.) But that's not where I am.

I had a 35 year history thrown at me to absorb in a few months. I've had 20 months of B-T with Atsushi, and 13 months of B-T without. Change is inevitable. So I feel like I am completely open to a second chapter of my fandom which is different from the first?

Note: Your Mileage May Vary. The way I do fandom is not the only way of doing fandom. All approaches to fandom are valid. You do you, and allow me to do me.

[randamhajile]

Interview + Resume Guide from a Hiring Manager in Tech

Writing this because I am losing my MINDT at how BAD the entry level candidates I am getting are interviewing. I have done over 100 interviews over the last several years and this is just my experience, which is tailored for tech jobs, but most of these principles would apply to everything, I’d think. There are also some tips in there on how to make a good resume and cover letter + how to follow up on applications (yes you can do that and sometimes it DOES work… got me a job offer once!). Also if you are in the DC / Baltimore metro area, have reliable transportation, and want to break in to IT Systems Administration as a career, hmu lol

Contents:

Basic Do’s and Don’ts

Types of Interviewers

How to Control an Interview (Key Goals of an Interview)

Interview Follow-Ups (How to Write a Thank-You Email!)

Resume / Cover Letter Tips

1 - Basic Do’s and Don'ts

Do:

Be on time! 5-10 mins early is usually best for virtual interviews, 15 mins early for physical

If there are delays or issues, COMMUNICATE that to the recruiter

If virtual, test your audio / video equipment beforehand! 

Please dress professionally. Clean, UNWRINKLED clothes. No anime t-shirts!!! I once interviewed a guy in a Sasuke t-shirt on his living room couch from a handheld iPhone. He did not get the job

VISIBLY TAKE NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have questions for the interviewer!!!

Feel free to reference notes you may have pre-prepared! Make a show of it. It demonstrates you can record information efficiently and can self-structure, it’s NOT cheating, it’s GOOD! 

MAKE SURE YOU CAN TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING ON YOUR RESUME IN DETAIL! If it’s there, it’s there for a reason! 

Thank the interviewer for their time!

SEND A THANK-YOU EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God like NOBODY does this anymore… super easy way to distinguish yourself here, seriously

Make sure you know the key requirements of the job description so you can talk about them and how you fit them!

Might be overkill, but never hurts to look up the interviewer on LinkedIn to understand their background

Research the company you are trying to work for! Don’t need an essay here, just a basic understanding of what they are about

If you have unemployment gaps, make sure you have a good story to explain them that shows you were doing something meaningful with that time

Don’t:

Don’t be late or unkempt! Please bathe… 

If virtual, don’t worry about taking an interview while working – If you have to take an interview from a break room or your car, you can always spin that positively – mention how you are taking the interview while on break, and how you are excited for the opportunity and did what you could to accommodate the interviewers. We know sometimes it just be like that

If virtual, don’t have a messy background!!!! [damn bitch you live like this meme]

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT derail a question! If there’s one thing that is just AWFUL it’s when someone asks you a question you don’t know the answer to, and you derail it to something you DO know… incredibly annoying and you WILL end up rambling

Don’t say you don’t know something and just leave it at that! It’s always okay to not know something – admit it, and say how you will fix that knowledge gap

Don’t wildly guess answers to questions! If you have to guess, say that you are doing so. There are few things as damning as guessing incorrectly with confidence

DO NOT RAMBLE! Keep your responses short and to the point!!! Don’t talk for more than 1 minute, 2 minutes straight at MAX

With that, DON’T LIE ON YOUR RESUME!!!! DO NOT! LIE! ON YOUR RESUME! DON’T! You WILL end up looking a fool. Sure you can embellish a bit, but if you put down that you know Python and all you’ve done is one class project from 3 years ago, YOU DO NOT KNOW PYTHON!

Okay admittedly an addendum to that – if you ARE going to lie on your resume, don’t go in empty-handed!!! Make sure you are prepared to bullshit!!!!!!!! Seriously there have been soooo many times I’ve asked people about impressive, top-billed resume items and the answer is ‘uhhh yea I did that like once 5 years ago’ or ‘I once shadowed a guy who did this’

If you are going to lie about a key item on your resume, you better be prepared to put in the legwork ON YOUR OWN to get up to speed on it ASAP if you are hired. Do Not Fuck Up That Part. Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for stressful, miserable failure

2 - Types of Interviewers

Different people have different approaches. Some interviewers just want to see what vibes you give off, others have highly-structured interviews. Also in all honesty, a lot of interviewers might not know how to run an interview in a way that gets them the key info they need. It’s an art form. Once you understand the level of structure the interviewer is approaching the interview with, you can adapt.

You need to assess what kind of interviewer you have, and be prepared to control the interview in a way that works best with them. Have a few pre-prepared personal stories about your hobbies, working accomplishments, challenges you’ve overcome, etc. that you can easily launch in to while you’re figuring out what the interviewer is like.

3 - How to Control an Interview (Key Goals of an Interview)

Key Goals of an Interview:

Give off good vibes

Demonstrate how you fit the key requirements of the job description

Differentiate yourself from others

Do this all in a very limited amount of time

For 1, good vibes: you want to be attentive, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Ultimately a hiring manager will be looking for one HUGE thing – will you be EASY to manage? As in, do you have the skills, and the wisdom to use them, or learn them? This is why visibly taking notes is really great – shows initiative and organization. You don’t necessarily need to be a social butterfly either, but you have to at least attempt a friendly demeanor. If you are super nervous, it’s also okay to admit that! You can always spin it to say that it’s because you are just super excited about this opportunity, and want to make sure you have a good conversation that demonstrates the value you’ll bring to the role.

For 2, fitting the job: this is where knowing the job description and a background on the company helps. There are soooo many people I’ve interviewed who had essentially no plan for the interview – they are just rawdogging that call. You need to be able to toot your own horn – make sure you have talking points for the top-billed parts of the job description, and that you know what your best features are and how to explain them. 

For 3, differentiating yourself: this is like your Jeopardy post-commercial quirky story. You don’t need much, just maybe one or two things that make you unique. If you look up the interviewer’s LinkedIn beforehand, you can perhaps even specifically appeal to them. Standing out is a huge challenge, because the interviewers usually have onslaughts of applicants.

For 4, time control – this is where everyone fucks up lol. You usually have 30 minutes or an hour to plead your case, and that time will FLY BY. This is where understanding your interviewer is critical.

If your interviewer is UNSTRUCTURED: you will need to take a lot more control of the interview. Your interviewer might get sidetracked talking about personal stories or one specific job topic, and will miss hearing out about how you fit others. You will need to segue to other key points in the job description – you can also be totally honest, if you are going down one rabbit hole and missing another, you can straight up ask the interviewer if you can change subjects, because you want to make sure you talk about everything in the job description in your limited time. If you are polite about this, it’s fine! The interviewer will most likely appreciate your focus and direction. Make sure you also leave time at the end to ask the interviewer questions.  

If your interviewer is STRUCTURED: this is a bit easier. Follow the structure, but keep an eye on the clock – if you are nearing the final quarter of the interview and haven’t hit your key points that demonstrate why you fit the job description, it is also perfectly acceptable to ask the interviewer if you can speak about a few key things you feel are relevant to the job. Just say you want to respect their time, and would like to make sure you communicate what you can bring to the table. Don’t worry about being humble lol this is your time to shine. 

4 - Interview Follow-Ups and Thank-You Emails

SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!! SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!!!!! SEND THANK YOU EMAILS!!!! This is not a bootlicking thing this is a cool and sexy lifehack because seriously, no one does this anymore. You WILL stand out if you do so. Writing a thank-you email is exceptionally easy too. I always follow the motto “Too Short To Suck” – keep it very simple:

Subject Line: Include A Thank You and The Name of the Role

Hello [Interviewer(s)],

Thank them for their time and talking with you about the job. Include ONE sentence (okay, maybe two short ones) about why you are excited for this opportunity, because of XYZ thing you have that adds value to the role. Final sentence re-iterating your excitement for the role, and that you look forward to hearing back soon.

Signature

Example:

Subject: Thanks for Talking About The Tech Analyst Role at Company Inc.!

Hello Interviewer(s),

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today about the Tech Analyst Role with Company Inc! It was a pleasure talking, and after learning more about the job, I am quite excited for this opportunity, as I know my organizational skills and experience with Microsoft Azure will provide a good framework for me to grow and contribute to Company Inc’s success. I am looking forward to hearing back soon, and thanks in advance for your time and consideration.

Thank you,

Tumblr User Randam Hajile

FOR FOLLOW UPS: if a week goes by without hearing back, feel free to email the recruiters / interviewers again and politely ask for an update on your application. If they don’t respond after that, unless it’s a job you REALLY REALLY REALLY want and think you are a shoe-in for, it may not be worth it to bother them again. Give it another week or two and then send a second email for an update.

If several months+ have passed and it’s still a place you really would like to work for, you can also email those contacts again asking if any new roles have opened. You have to understand that these recruiters are going through massive piles of same-looking profiles in SmartRecruiters or something like that, so having anything to differentiate is helpful.

ALSO – HOT APPLICATION TIP !!!!!!! if you send out an application and hear NOTHING back, but it’s a place you really want to work for, here’s an awesome tip that actually legit led to me getting a job offer recently: crawl the company website to find a PR or HR email address, and send a polite email mentioning you applied for [specific role], and that you would like to know if they are still hiring for it or any similar roles, as you have not heard back and are still highly interested in working for the company. Chances are they can get in touch with Recruiting to forward your inquiry.

5 - Resume / Cover Letter Tips

RESUMES: For the love of God, put some effort in to your resume. Do NOT use the default resume that Indeed or LinkedIn pisses out for you… I hate that so much. Maybe that’s just a me-thing, but I honestly think those don’t present your information very well.

The secret to writing resumes is that there really isn’t a secret – there’s no MLA format or one-size-fits-all template that works. You need to put some thought in to it to understand what you are trying to communicate, and here are some tips to do so:

Save it as a PDF!!!! This way you can be 100% sure it formats correctly when opened by the recruiter / interviewer

Format it correctly!!! Make sure there are no sloppy mistakes

I can’t believe I have to say this, but please, please have a professional-looking email address. AnimeLover2005@hotmail.com won’t get you hired

Add some class with a nice template. Find something a little snappy looking – anything other than a wall of barebones Calibri font

If you are artistically inclined, have some fun with it. My resume and cover letter are obnoxiously 1970s themed as a statement piece about myself, plus it stands out in an ocean of samey-looking resumes lol. Where’s that Jack Sparrow meme where he’s like ‘but you HAVE heard of me’ – that’s my principle, people will either love it or hate it, but they WILL remember it

Include your LinkedIn URL at the top of the page with your basic contact info! Also, have a nice LinkedIn page!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t put your home address on it. You can just say like “DC Metro Area” or something like that

Unless you have impressive references, or are working in an industry like Security where you know you’re going to get background-checked, just say ‘references available upon request’ at the bottom, and have those at the ready just in case

It doesn’t have to be one page! It can be up to two – if printing it physically, you can have a nice two-sided cardstock resume, but make sure the most key things are on the first page

If a cover letter isn’t requested, you can use that second resume page to include more detailed info that a cover letter would have

Use nice paper to print the resume – sturdy cardstock, and have multiple copies available to give

Remember you are trying to communicate what you can do, so get creative with presenting that efficiently – as an example, when I was a Sys Admin, I broke up my resume Skills section in to a 2x2 table that lists “Knowledgeable in the Use Of” and “Advanced Knowledge Of”, that way I could include skills I had without lying about my proficiency and bungling questions about them

Unless you are fresh out of college, don’t list coursework in college or high school clubs on your resume. You’re 30 years old. It’s embarrassing to list your Computer Club experience from High School. That could be a fun talking point, not something that takes up precious resume space

Include a mission statement at the top underneath your contact info – something simple like “Results-Oriented Technician Seeking New Challenges”; just something to summarize your best vibes

If you really, really, really want a job at a certain place, you can try tweaking some phrasing in your Skills or Experience sections to match keywords in the job description – that way AI will be more likely to highlight your resume for the recruiter, if they are using AI tooling (ugh)

COVER LETTERS: honestly there are better guides out there than I can give here, but basically you can create a generic cover letter where you only need to change out a few sentences to cater to the employer you are applying to. Keep it one page, and try to include keywords / terms from the job description in it – a lot of these recruiters use AI to sort through resumes / cover letters and want to find ones that match the job description. Similarly to a lot of the prior advice, you need to make sure you hit your key points about your best traits, relevant experience, and work ethic, and why you are excited to work for whoever you are applying to, and how these traits relate to that. 

I’m honestly not sure how many recruiters even read cover letters these days and how many of them just use them as AI fodder to help sort candidates… the positions I typically hire for don’t require cover letters so my experience here is a bit limited, but as mentioned, there’s lots of guides online on how to create a good cover letter, so do some Googling. They worked for me, at least. 

Anyway… hope that helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go forth and get hired…

[sinceileftyoublog]

Say Anything Interview: Intentional Is My Default

Photo by Nicole Mago

BY JORDAN MAINZER

I'm waiting back stage at Riot Fest for Say Anything's Max Bemis to finish a photoshoot, one that sees him lie in the grass in various positions that make it look like he's stretching after a tough workout. Despite the fact that he hasn't yet gotten his real workout in yet--his newly reformed band would go on stage in a few hours--and that this photoshoot is full of capital-p Poses, I'm taken by how at ease Bemis seems with everything. When we speak, he reveals to me that, yes, while he did in fact feel awkward during the photoshoot--most of us do--he's learning to lean into his feelings much more naturally.

Five years ago, the legendary emo band disbanded, with their 2019 album Oliver Appropriate billed as their final LP for the moment. A purported sequel to their beloved sophomore record ...Is A Real Boy, the album was publicized in conjunction with a nine-page letter from Bemis, in which came out as bisexual and admitted to struggles with drug use. (The frontman has long been open about his diagnosed bipolar disorder, previous self-medication through drugs, and manic episodes.) During the pandemic, Bemis stayed busy, performing livestreams of older material, but there was always lingering doubt the band's hiatus would become permanent.

It wasn't until late last year that Bemis dropped that the band would be reuniting for festivals in 2023. In typical nonchalant fashion, he shared that the reunion would include past members drummer Coby Linder and bassist Alex Kent by replying to someone's comment on a Facebook post. In April, the band released their first new material since Oliver Appropriate, the maximally stream-of-consciousness rant "Psyche!". The song sees Bemis laying out those same struggles for everyone to bear witness to, blaming himself for his personal, marital, and familial problems atop a bevy of references to the band's older material, Titanic, and Riot Fest itself. "By Riot Fest '24, I'll be coughing up corks if you supply the Malörk," he sings, a line that's instantly iconic and bound to be infamous for its satiric misspelling of Chicago's shot of choice. In August, the band followed it up with "Are You (In) There?", which also establishes itself within our emo universe, with mentions of Sunny Day Real Estate and mewithoutYou, but a more personal ode to Bemis' wife and the love they have for each other despite his past actions and shortcomings. And just this morning, Say Anything annouced ...Is Committed (Dine Alone), their new record, along with a single entitled "Carrie & Lowell & Cody (Pendent)", Bemis placing his "mommy issues" in conversation with those of indie folk luminary Sufjan Stevens. The song is musically heavier and more complex and full-throated, while also containing gorgeous choral harmonies from Bemis' wife, Sherri Dupree-Bemis.

At one point, the future of the band was a mystery to everyone, Bemis included. But with some newfound perspectives, the musical and personal influence of new band member Brian Warren of Weatherbox, and therapy, it seemed from just the short conversation I had with Bemis and Kent that they're in a good place, ready to embrace their new chapter. Read my interview below, conducted last month before I knew about their new album, edited for length and clarity. Catch the band three nights next week at The Regent Theater in LA and at When We Were Young in Las Vegas next weekend.

Photo courtesy of Say Anything

Since I Left You: How does it feel to be back?

Max Bemis: It feels great. I don't think I would have decided to write the songs again if I didn't aspire to how this feels now, which is very different than our experience as little kids being in a punk band, which was very intense and an experience I wouldn't trade for anything. But this is comfortable, and it feels like having the best job ever, in the words of Piebald. It could have been a stress fest, anxious, or bad, but the only reason I wanted to write again was to reach for this thing that we never got to settle into, being dads approaching 40. The bands we looked up to were doing it at that age and still making inventive music but still seeming to chill and not base their entire personas and aspirations around being in a band. I think I appreciate it more now that I'm not trying to be "a guy in a band" as hard as I was.

Alex Kent: Something we've been talking about since getting back up and running was the transition from utilizing it as an escape versus a form of healing. Because we've been through so much traumatic shit in our lives, most of the time Max and I talk, we talk about therapy. It's fucking weird going from 18 years old on a tour bus to having that self-awareness and reflection.

MB: I didn't need it like that for many years because our entire life cycle was keyed in to being on tour. I wasn't living a normal person life. I'm not saying I ever have really or ever will--I wrote comic books for five years. That's still weird. We're still weirdo guys. Having a family, coming out of that kind of circus, I feel more like my 14-year-old self who needed this music for that reason.

SILY: The new songs have a self-aware quality.

MB: More than ever.

SILY: How do you include the self-awareness in a set at a festival or concert, where you're literally referring to other songs you're playing in the setlist?

MB: We refer to Riot Fest itself!

SILY: And Malörk [sic]

MB: And Malörk. It's incredibly self-referential and ironic, but because the band started that way, it's come full circle and is no longer ironic at the same time. There's still a lot of exaggeration and bullshit, but it's closer to me saying actual things that are happening. As you age, everyone's life becomes a circus, more surreal. The world has been very surreal, with COVID and Trump. You kind of have to say your inner experience now. It's an emotional, crazy, surreal thing anyway. It's not like before, when I said, "I have to think about my ex-girlfriend, but I'm thinking about my wife, and what the fuck is this about?" Now, this is about being at Riot Fest. And I am at Riot Fest.

SILY: There is a song about your wife, though.

MB: Yes. Also quite literal. So many emotions are certainly exaggerated, but the sincerity isn't. The love for my wife is very real. But even there, if you're in any successful relationship, it goes through the most intense rebirths and reformations, and you're adjusting to each other, especially after having kids. It's more potent to me to say what's happening or what my emotions are than do what we did on In Defense of the Genre, where I was literally forcing drama into my life on a regular basis. Now, I have no room. I'm tired. I have children to look after. The drama just happens from kids, life, everything. It's real and heartfelt, but a seasoned emotion and not so adolescent. I still love those songs, and I relate to them, but they all speak to a certain side of me I can't live out anymore.

SILY: Do the new songs more than ever exemplify the idea that the more personal you are, the more universal the songs can be?

MB: Yeah. But probably by being a little too hyper-specific. That's why I fell in love with this kind of music. Saves The Day got me into wanting to be in a band. What wowed me was when he was talking about the names of the other band members in song, like, "Ted's drooling on his sleeve." He's just saying he's in this New Jersey bar and he misses his girlfriend. He's not cloaking anything. Our thing has been a kind of parody of that, but now I don't have to stretch anything for it to be a parody.

Photo by Ben Trivett

SILY: What do you think Brian Warren brings to the table on the new songs?

AK: I've known Brian since we were 9 years old. Our very first band, we were in together.

MB: I wouldn't know about Weatherbox if it wasn't for Alex.

AK: He brings this calming energy. Humble is a weird word to describe him.

MB: It's accurate.

AK: Weatherbox is fucking amazing.

MB: He has more impostor syndrome than even me.

AK: He can play everything, and he writes cool shit.

MB: He's a virtuoso. The cool thing about Brian is that there's always been a connection between our bands. It's similar to me playing music with [Chris] Conley [in Two Tongues] back in the day. It's surreal, but it makes so much sense that you don't have to think about where he fits into the sonic picture or personality picture because we're friends.

AK: It's very cool how much sense it makes.

SILY: Has your relationship changed to your old songs?

MB: I like them more. Over the break from the band, I would listen to Say Anything, with my kids or in my car, alone. The way I severed it was so intentional. I wasn't saying, "The band was over." I was saying, "We're probably going to get back together, but I have to sever this incarnation." I was listening to [old Say Anything songs] and thinking, "I like Alex's bass part. I like the production. I even like my voice." It was like listening to another band, because of the space. I've grown to like them. I definitely know people in bands that are not what they listen to, but Say Anything has always been a conglomeration of the type of thing we listen to. If I'm going to listen to The Get Up Kids, I might as well listen to Say Anything.

SILY: Moving forward, are you trying to continue to be more intentional, or do what feels best?

MB: Both. I know that's cliché to say, and it does and doesn't make sense. I find that intentional is my default, and before, I would second-guess myself constantly. Now, I allow myself to make mistakes, and I let other people give me advice that before were such cerebral trips. There was a lot that weighed on me. If the lyrics are super intentional and literal, I'm just going to do it. If I feel awkward in a photo shoot like right now, I'm just going to be awkward in the photo shoot. That is, of course, my safe and happy place in life.

[invinciblerodent]

Writing Interview Tag Game

Tagged by @ra-scheln – thank you dear! ❤️

When did you start writing?

I feel like there is almost never a set date for anyone- I never really considered myself a writer, I still don't fully embrace it as a label any more than I do many others, but it's very much in that "technically true" vein of things- I don't think of myself as a writer, but I do write, and have been writing most of my life.

The first story I ever consciously remember writing was a lengthy (and objectively terrible) story I wrote around the time I was maybe 11 or thereabouts, though- kind of a fairytale paranormal romance before I would have ever found out what that meant, involving wisecracking frogs, and the three little pigs, and some sort of an ancient curse, and it stretched quite luxuriously across roughly 120 single-spaced pages that -true to form for me- were never posted anywhere.

It was utterly gratuitous, masturbatory, filled with the most horrible purple prose in existence, and I will never stop feeling regretful over losing it to a simple hardware upgrade.

I really wish I could re-read it now, at 30, and maybe get back a little bit of that unapologetic confidence and drive to just write what the fuck ever I feel like writing, without feeling the eyes of an imaginary critic burning holes into the back of my head.

Are there different themes or genres that you enjoy reading than what you write?

While I'm most interested in writing navel-gaze-y, introspective character-pieces and romance/fantasy (romantasy? is that what the kids are calling it now?), I do like to consider myself an omnivore, when it comes to reading.

I generally read a lot of literary- and historical fiction, SF, fantasy, a couple thrillers here and there- though there are topics I don't gravitate towards, I don't exactly discriminate against any genre, and I try to keep a varied diet of pulp- and high-brow literature alike, lol.

Some books I've really loved over these past few years are (hold on, scanning my shelf here) Min Jin Lee's "Pachinko", Ursula K. Le Guin's "The Left Hand of Darkness", Raphael Bob-Waksberg's "Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory", and Iona Grey's "Letters to the Lost". That's an award-winning saga novel, a genre classic, a contemporary collection of short stories, and a very good romance novel, lol.

Although I do admit, reading tends to fall by the wayside in my most active writing periods, which is whenever I get super absorbed in a particular video game, lol.

Can you tell me about your writing space?

I don't actually have a dedicated writing space. Over the past while, I've realized that I most like writing by hand, in coffee shops mainly- which may make me look a touch obnoxious, but it's just the way my brain and hand work the best together. (I handwrite slower than I type, so it's easier to get into that ~~flow~~ state because I have time to think without pausing, and with the background noise being just at the right level, I can babysit an americano for hours at a time.) If I'm writing on the computer, it generally falls more into the realm of editing.

I don't exactly have a preference when it comes to the space itself, but the stationery is crucial. I'm very particular about the pen I use (it has to be a Zebra Superfine H-5000- I've been using them exclusively for like ten years now, and unfortunately you can't really get refills for them, but they're like a dollar each, and they last bloody forever), and slightly less particular about notebooks, but I still have strong preferences there too (lined paper, hard cover, not terribly ugly- which is harder to find than one would think).

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I don't typically try on a conscious level, but sometimes, just that dedicated action of putting my notebook away, and walking to the coffee shop gets the words rolling. Often I find myself starting to tell myself the story on the way, and then I'm kind of playing catch-up with myself, once I actually get there.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing?

Disappointment, mostly. "Wasted" potential, reclamation of personal choice, and the deeply personal act of mourning the self that died so that another may live. What-ifs, maybes, could-have-beens. The things we want to want.

.................. also dicks. Dicks are a big part of it.

What is your reason for writing?

There's no real reason, I think. I thought about this one for a long time, but I can't phrase it any better than prev: the words just have to go somewhere.

Besides, if I'm not writing, I'm crafting. If I'm not crafting, I'm drawing. If I'm not drawing, I'm designing, baking, making something. I'm always making something.

Is there any kind of specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I haven't published much of my writing over the past few years, but from what I've gotten, "It feels like you really know this character" is the comment I keep coming back to in my mind.

I got that one on a silly, smutty fic from like 2016, and it really gave me pause. It really got stuck in my mind.

It's been many years since, and I still catch myself smiling whenever I write a line of dialogue that feels quintessential to a particular character. I found that really encouraging.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I... I'm still kind of unpacking whether I want to be thought about at all. Whether I want to be perceived. You know, the terrifying ordeal of being known, and all that.

I think the way I want to be known is how a pet fish knows its owner, you know? Like I arrive occasionally, at a reliable, if nebulous time, and they kind of have a vague idea of what I am, but mostly I just bring them food, dump it in the water, and disappear while they voraciously consume whatever it was that was dumped in there.

If goldfish were terminally horny and could leave comments but expected no response, they'd be the ideal audience for me.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I want to say maybe... evocative imagery, and dialogue. I like to get somewhat poetic with my descriptions and I feel like I'm rather good at grasping somewhat powerful images through minute details, that's something I know I have a lot of fun writing. I also enjoy the process of trying to find words that feel like they sit right in a certain character's mouth.

If someone were to actually say "he would not fucking say that" to me, I think I would mentally walk into the nearest ocean.

How do you feel about your own writing?

.... Insecure. Apologetic. Fearful, in a way I'm well aware I shouldn't be.

I have tried to blame the fact that English is my second language, and there is a kernel of truth in there, but I know that's... kind of bullshit. I know my linguistic prowess is not exactly the issue here (if I may, bigger idiots than me have done it, I've a darling friend who can absolutely testify), it's literally just the confidence that I lack.

I'm also apologetic in tagging, or promoting my work whenever I do end up posting something, because I know it's not going to have mass appeal, or I know it's not going to be interesting to a lot of people even of the ones following me, and that completely undue, asinine embarrassment is definitely holding me back within my writing as well.

This is why I enjoy handwriting most I think, because that, I know is for me.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

It's purely for myself, and this ties into the previous answer- I know I write my best when it's utterly self-indulgent. But that's also the shit that makes me feel the most naked emotionally, so it's hard to bring myself to want to subject myself to any kind of scrutiny.

This really is the fucking duality of man, to crave validation but hiss and sneer at anything that might invite it, lol.

Anyway, I think if you guys are up for it, I'd like to tag @sketchyelvenasss and @lindira, and of course anyone who feels like it. ❤️

(Please do excuse me for the copious amounts of whining in this post lol, I have realized in myself that once I come closer to filling a new notebook I always get a bit emotional about my stuff, and I've like 10 pages left on my current one. Prime angsting-time.)

[inafieldofdaisies]

WIP Whenever / Weekend | Tagging @thesingularityseries @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @adelaidedrubman @strafethesesinners @strangefable @nightbloodbix @aceghosts @madparadoxum @g0dspeeed @trench-rot @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @euryalex @sstewyhosseini @detectivelokis @purplehairsecretlair @jinfromyarikawa @shegetsburned @clicheantagonist @locustandwildhoney @fourlittleseedlings @poisonedtruth @vampireninjabunnies-blog @cassietrn @wrathfulrook @jacobsneed @voidika and anyone with something to share <3

*chanting* Leslie, Leslie, Leslie, babyyy.

Dropping a little snippet from Chapter 10 that totally got hijacked from John (and Sabrina) by Leslie and Calahan, which I find so ironic, because John would SO hate that (payback for butting in with his flashback chapter at the beginning of the WIP, js). Am I living for the chaos these two bring to the table, absolutely. # did someone say bromance?

September 1, 2018 | The night of Joseph Seed's arrest

Leslie sighed as he parked his jeep in front of what could be barely described as a motel. Just as he was promised over the phone, the sign out front announced they had vacancy. It had seen better days, with most of it's letters unlit against the darkening sky. After driving for so long, though, he wasn't going to be picky about the place he'd be catching a few hours of sleep at before heading off to find Sabrina. He had to admit, the County she had chosen to call her new home had an appeal. He could picture himself living here had she accepted his offer, finally given him a chance. It's all in the past now. Friendly visits is all you're getting, Rina. He got out of the vehicle, striding over to the motel's entrance, already feeling beckoned by the promise of a hot shower and actual bed to rest on. He pushed the wooden door open, the bell above it announcing his arrival to the older woman that was standing at the reception. The rustic interior looked far more promising than the outside of the building and he felt a twinge of hope that maybe his night wasn't going to go so bad after all. The feeling was short-lived the moment he was greeted by a sudden loud shriek and series of curses. What the fuck? "I ain't talking to you, get out now! Fucking Seeds. OUT. We're not selling."

Leslie eyed the angry woman in confusion, speaking out in the calm tone he used anytime he'd have to interview a diffucult witness, "M'am, I'm here because I have a reservation." "BULLSHIT. John GODDAMNED Seed has no reservation here. I SAID, GET OUT.", she practically screamed the last words before reaching underneath the reception desk and pulling out a shotgun. The stare she gave him was full of complete loathing, something he had only experienced from suspects to that point, the fact she cocked the weapon didn't help matters. He tried again as pushed his black jacket aside, revealing the detective badge that was attached to his belt, "My name is Leslie Parish. I called about a room few days back, I'm not sure if I spoke with you, m'am…maybe this is why you're confused." Seconds passed by in silence with the woman glaring at him in suspicion before she slapped a hand over her mouth, then let out an embarrassed laugh. "Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry. I have to say, I confused you with somebody else.", she muttered as she put away the shotgun and Leslie released the breath he was holding in anticipation of a shootout.

"Are you having trouble with someone, m'am? If I can be of any assistance-", he was tired, but not one to ever refuse help to citizens, especially with how on edge the woman seemed. "No. No. It's all just peachy. I'm Abeline, we did speak on the phone, Detective.", she reached out a hand for Les, which he shook. The whole time she eyed his arm with a strange expression. "Glad to hear that. But I have to ask about your extreme reaction…" "Ah, no offense, it's just that you're a dead ringer for a person not liked at all around this parts, so don't get shocked if folks look at ya strange or pull out their guns when you approach.", Abeline pursed her lips as she considered him, "Damn, boy, even your eyes are blue." Why am I not liking any of this? "M'am?" "Don't mind me, silly old me. I'm going to get your room ready, dear, give me five minutes.", she gestured to an old couch by the window overlooking the motel's entrance, "Sit. I will be right back." Leslie took a seat as instructed, finding himself lost in thought as he ran a hand over his dark beard mindlessly, wondering if everyone in the County was that level of direct and trigger happy, and how Sabrina was settling in. It didn't take long for Abeline to return, a cheery smile pointed his way as she came downstairs, though he swore he heard her mutter under her breath, "Something ain't right." "I'm sorry?", he spoke up, set on clearing up whatever was bothering the woman about him once and for all. "Dear, I just have to ask. Are you sure you have no connection to anyone with last name Seed?", her tone was dead serious. "Uh, no, m'am." "Call me Abeline, dear.", she laughed, "No need to be so formal." "Okay.", Les replied as he smoothed down his hair, wishing the strange conversation would be over. I'm too tired for this. "Good, good. I hope you got here without any issues. This is", she dropped an old looking key in his palm and pointed in the direction of the stairs next to the reception, "the key to your room, number's on the tag, you're on the second floor. If you need anything, I will be right here." "Thank you, m- Abeline. Have a nice evening. ", he smiled and grabbed his bag from the floor. "Good night, Detective.", she called out as he climbed up the stairs.

In a couple of minutes, he was unlocking the door to his room and with a sigh he dropped his luggage by the entrance. The space was small, but cozy, with a bed that called his name. He stripped off his jacket and shoulder holster, leaving both on the comforter. The rest of his clothes followed suit until he found himself down to only his boxers and headed off to the bathroom for a shower. The hot water did wonders to his tense muscles after the long drive from Portland. He stepped out way too soon, wrapping a towel around his waist and pattering over to his bag to grab a fresh pair of underwear. In record time, he sorted his belongings, feeling content as he crawled in bed, contemplating how Sabrina would react when she sees him in the morning. Over the last few months, they had managed to stay in touch, even agreed he'd visit her sometimes in the future. Anytime they talked, he couldn't help but hear worry in her voice. It was the reason why when Captain Buchanan offered him to take some of his saved vacation days, he had accepted. He needed to make sure she was actually doing okay, that she wasn't putting on a show for him like she used to back in Portland, always refusing to rely on anyone. Despite his weariness, he found himself unable to drift off, staring at the ceiling for hours in wait for sleep to come. It was then that he heard a plane flying overhead and he looked at his watch in curiosity. "3 am. Who is flying that early? Are we back in the city or what?", he muttered as he stifled a yawn. He turned on his side, staring at the shadows formed from the dim light coming in through the windows. Back in Portland when he would find himself struggling to fall asleep, it was usually Sabrina who kept him company over the phone, another reason why the last few months hadn't been too easy to navigate. He missed the routine they had going, her friendship. Leslie couldn't pinpoint exactly when he had finally drifted off, but the next thing he heard was a loud knock on his door. "Detective. There's a situation.", Abeline's muffled voice carried in from the hallway. "M'am, can't this wait?", He groaned in protest, looking at his watch with blurry eyes. He expected it to be an early morning, but to his shock he realized he had overslept. 2 pm? Fuck. "I'm coming.", he muttered as he dragged himself out of bed and cracked open the door, not even realizing the woman would be getting an eyeful of his bare chest as he peeked outside. "Oh my goodness. I assumed you would be awake, I'm sorry.", Abeline shifted her gaze back to his face with an embarrassed smile. "It's alright.", he rasped out. "I- It's kind of hard to explain, but there's something you might want to see, Detective." Leslie nodded, "Give me some time to get dressed, and I will be right down." "Of course." He closed the door, releasing a tired sigh as he ran a hand over his face in hopes of chasing away the sleepiness that was still lingering. He rushed over to the bathroom to freshen up and quickly got dressed.

As he got back down to the lobby, Abeline was waiting with a steaming mug of coffee. She passed him the cup with shaky hands, "An apology for the rude wake-up call, dear." "Thank you.", he took a sip, feeling grateful for the much needed doze of caffeine, before he asked, "What do I need to see?" She pointed to a TV at the corner of the reception and wordlessly moved behind the desk and turned it on, fidgeting with her fingers as a well-dressed man appeared on the screen. "This is the man I mistook you for, Detective.", she whispered as the stranger spoke of sin and saying yes. He didn't see much resemblance between himself and the man. Leslie rubbed his eyes, wondering if he was still dreaming, the words coming from the TV certainly made little sense to him. He half-paid attention to the religious ramblings until the man took hold of a woman dressed in law enforcement attire. Her face seemed familiar to him, and to his horror soon, he realized why: he'd seen her in pictures Sabrina had sent him. They worked together. He knew that uniform. Her injuries paired with the distressed look she wore made his blood freeze. "What the hell?", he muttered, getting closer to the TV, his blue gaze glued to it now. "…don't worry, we will come for you. Welcome to Eden's Gate.", were the last words the man spoke before the recording ended, only to begin all over again. "Eden's Gate?", he turned to Abeline, "What is this?" "They're a cult, dear. Have been plaguing the County for ages, but our good old Sheriff couldn't do much about it. The man you saw, John Seed, his brother is the leader. We're used to their propaganda, but this broadcast is different, has been looping all morning." "A cult?", his tone took an incredulous note. Sabrina hadn't mentioned anything to him. Fucking hell, Rina. You were hiding this so I don't worry for you, I know it. "Yes, dear." "That woman… she's a Deputy, is she not?" Abeline nodded, "Joey. Poor girl. I fear how she ended up there. Detective, there's more… all communications are down." Leslie strode over to the landline, picking up the receiver and dealing 911. "Dead. The line is dead.", he whispered. Next, he pulled out his phone, his eyes narrowing at fact he had no service. All of his most recent notifications were from around 3 am, then nothing. "I told you we're cut off. Lost count how many Eden's Gate trucks have been passing by on the road since I woke up." "What are you saying, Abeline?" He abandoned his coffee cup at the desk, reeking a hand through his hair as he paced around the lobby. Worry of the unknown gripped him, fear that Sabrina and her sister were in trouble too. He held his breath, waiting for the woman's reply. "I- I think what we've all been fearing is gonna happen, is happening: Joseph Seed kicking his people into action. That his brother is taking over the region."

[lyon-amore]

With you until the end of the world Chapter 10

Chapter 9

*Angel POV*

The streets are full of tourists, it is much easier to pretend to be one of them while looking at something suspicious.

When we met again, Jake showed me the video of John Fusch being interviewed. That worried us a lot and made him strengthen the signal by forcing his tracking program to identify phones at a greater distance. He spent days working non-stop and, as Jack was worried about him, he decided to sit on his lap watching him type. What if I felt a little jealous? Maybe so, but seeing him sitting on Jake's lap, with a concentrated face it was very funny. 

Just like the place we stayed last time, we cleaned everything meticulously so that dust and dirt didn't bother us. We also rented another studio to leave another computer in case we were followed here too.

As far as our relationship was concerned, I now understood my parents better when I was little and I would go to their room because I had a nightmare. It's not that we have the same intimacy as before, but seeing how Jack used to ask us to sleep with us, with that terrified look, It reminded me of those moments of terror that I myself had gone through last year, so we accepted. It was strange. A strange feeling. I watched him as he fell asleep peacefully, with a smile. It made me feel proud to see how I took care of him. Jack became the only child I can tolerate.  

But I have not admitted this in front of Jake. I don't want him to laugh at me when I refused to let him stay with us. But I still don't accept being called 'mom' in private! On the other hand, Jake does usually call him dad.     "It is strange that he call me that." he said nervously.      That's what you get for accepting Jake, now you can't run away from your responsibilities. 

I look at the letter that I am going to send to my parents. I tell them that I'm fine, as always and not to worry. I feel like it's a little hard every time not to get a response from them, to know if it affects them. Maybe they took it to mean I'm on a long vacation. I put it in the mailbox and walk away, shopping bags in hand. I'm like all those tourists who pass by on the street, I'm not afraid that someone might recognize me.  

I stop at the window of a television store. On the news I see an interview from a few weeks ago by John Fusch. He looks too happy. I get to read his lips when he says Jake's name and I put a hand to my chest. Sometimes I feel that because of my superior, I gave myself away at the press conference and he knew that I was still in contact with him because of my attitude despite the fact that I hid it well. Or at least I hope he don't know.     "I should have run out before entering the room." I mutter as I walk away from the room.      At least we're away from him. He can't get to Jake. And he can't get to him using me either.  

I open the back door of the abandoned apartment. I wonder how long we'll be here and where we'll go next. I wish we could go a whole lot further still, somewhere where they wouldn't know what Jake did. Was that possible? But it would mean having to leave my family in the end. Never come back. I guess now it's a big decision, because it's not about two people right now. We are three. And it is that I could not leave them both to their fate. And especially since one is a small child and the other is a grown man who hardly sleeps if I don't make him sometimes. I enter the apartment going to the computer room. As always, Jack is on Jake's lap, watching him work. I walk over to them and ruffle Jack's hair.     "Hey Jack" I say to the little guy ", watching what Jake is doing again?"     "I'm getting better and better at understanding what he's doing" he answers, looking at me and then at Jake ", isn't that right, Dad?"      Jake looks at me and I smirk at him. Now he has to carry the weight of calling himself that.     “Yes dad, tell me, are him getting it right? Do you ask him questions to see if he is paying attention?” I cross my arms, waiting for him response.      He sighs and finally smiles.     "He still have many years to learn." he answers Jack, then looks at me "Any news from outside?"     "We'll talk about it later." I answer, avoiding showing concern at that moment.      I lean down and kiss Jake on the lips. I hadn't greeted him yet. I smile during the kiss and even hear him make a throaty sound, like a laugh.     "I thought you forgot about me." he tells me in a deeply sexy voice.     “I save the best for last.” I whisper, caressing his cheek.     "You're always kissing." we hear Jack say, with a laugh.     "That's because we love each other so much" I answer, tickling him “. Okay, I'll go and prepare the food. Are you here to help me, Jack?”      He nods and gets off Jake's lap, and he thanks me by moving his lips with a 'thank you'. 

We wait for the food to finish cooking on the small stove that heats it up. I notice that Jack has a sad look.     “What's up?”     “You do not love me, do not you?” I am surprised by his words. I was not expecting that question.     “Why do you ask that?”     "Because I think you love Jake more than me."      I take a deep breath, pushing my hair back from my face, uncomfortable.     “Well, there are different ways of loving and obviously I love Jake very much” I clear my throat a little nervous with the explanation “. But let it stay between us, I like you too much."     "Does that mean I can now call you Mom?" He asks me quickly.     "We'd better still wait a bit for that" I answered somewhat nervously “, but don't tell Jake, okay?”     "Why can't he know?"     &lt;<Because then I would have to agree with him.>>     "Believe me, it's better this way" I taste the food and nod. It is ready “. Jack, why don't you tell Jake that out for lunch? “     “Yes!” he runs out and I let out a small laugh. 

   We sit on the floor with the plastic plates. Now that he's not working, I have to talk about him, John Fusch.     “I saw our best friend in a store window.” I say in a funny tone.     “Surely his interview will have been broadcast throughout Europe” he comments putting his plate aside, with a thoughtful expression “, what worries me most is that they know what I am like.”     "We're lucky it's not like that" I take his hand and smile at him “, he still doesn't know what you look like, so you can rest easy, they haven't published any photos of you.”     "That is a relief." he smiles back at me, intertwining our fingers.      He caresses my back with his thumb, slowly. His green eyes sparkle like emerald jewels, with an intensity special to me.     “You are talking about the bad man again, right?” Jack says curiously "why is he chasing you? You're supposed to be the good guys.”     "Well, because…" Jake starts to say slowly and looks at me concerned "Because I watched something important and dangerous, something important people did not like me doing."     “And it was?” He tilts his head curiously.     "I prefer not to tell" He squeezes my hand hard, I can feel his fear “. It is better that none of you know what I saw, to protect you.”     "If it was something bad, you should tell it," he says and I look at him sadly “. I didn't say anything to any adult for fear of Jonas, but you are an adult and they can listen to you, right?”      Jake sighs, squeezing my hand tight again.     “It is not-“      We hear an alarm from the computer and Jake gets up quickly, leaving the room. Jack follows him and I go after them. The boy stands next to him, watching as he begins to type.     “We do this…” I hear Jake mutter “And…. Diverted” I see him smile with pride, although I can see in his eyes that he has been scared “. We are safe.”     “How did you do it?” asks the excited little one “How did you manage to keep the bad guys from finding us?”     "Do you want to know how?" I frown as I saw him pick him up and sit him on his lap, beginning to teach him.      I wonder why this change so suddenly. 

*Jake POV*

Fear seized me when I heard the alarm. I had jumped up straight to the computer, jamming my signal and rerouting it to the first studio. The idea of ​​what would happen if I were not next to them, someone must manage the programs, it crossed my mind. And what better than to teach Jack, a child that the laws will not be able to touch. I taught him few things, something simple. I could see Angel's face looking at me confused by my actions. She knows perfectly well that something is going through my head when I teach him. 

I was working on the computer until night fell. The area where the first computer was was too busy. I pinch the bridge of my nose, tired. I need to rest a bit now that It is calmed down. And they will be entertained for a long time. I get up and go to the room, where I see how she watches over Jack while he sleeps.     "Would you like to take a walk?" I ask whispering.     “But-“     "It will be around the area, do not worry." I smile at her so she does not worry and she nods.      She gets up from the ground approaching me, holding my hand. 

The streets are lonely. Not a sound disturbs the neighborhood. She grabs onto my arm, supporting her head. I hear how she sighs, she sounds happy.     "You deserved a break." she tells me and I look at her. She smile at me     "You should know better than anyone." I let out a laugh and lowered my mask, kissing her forehead.      We return to silence. A pleasant silence that I hope she do not hear my heart pounding right now.     “Why did you do it?” I look at her when I hear her question, somewhat confused “I thought you didn't want to teach him.”      I stop and take her hands, caressing the lats.     “When I heard the computer alarm, I remembered when I had to leave you alone” I look at her warm eyes watching me. they make me feel at home "If something happens, at least I have prepared Jack for the worst."     "Jake..." Shee separates her hands to take them to my cheeks, caressing me carefully “You are not going to leave us alone and nothing is going to happen to us” I lean in a little and she tries to get closer to me a little more, without erasing the smile “. And if something happens, we will follow you wherever, whatever happens, I will not stop being on your side.”      I lower the mask and kiss her. I attract her to me holding her by her waist. I notice her smile.     “Macie” I whisper her name against her lips and I can feel goosebumps rise on her skin “, I am lucky you are still by my side after all.”     "Do you think I'll ever stop being by your side?" She asks with a laugh, surrounding me with her arms “You're never going to get rid of me.”     "That is quite a tempting proposition."      We laugh and kiss again.  

We celebrate tonight that our first detour of our pursuers has worked. Jack left us after sleeping in his room soundly. 

I caress her back from bottom to top, while she begins to fall asleep. I would like to do something special for her, she does so much for me and I do nothing for her.     "I promise that one day I will give you a special day." I murmur close to her ear and she hugs me closer, as if she understood.      I look up at the ceiling, staying awake. I must not fall asleep after what happened. I hope she understands. 

Chapter 11

[mccarthawrites]

Lucy's Dad

Relationship: Matt Simmons/OC!Lucy Rivera

Rating: General Audience

Summary: Lucy has brunch with her dad, Quique. Gets an update on her ex and gives Quique a gift from Matt.

Author's Note: My faceclaim for Quique is Jimmy Smits. There is some Spanish in this fic but not enough to cause issue. However, if you need anything translated, don't be afraid to ask. I AM BACK BITCHES!

Words: 1,419

Strike Zone Masterlist || Criminal Minds Masterlist

Lucy approached the front stoop that she grew up on. Her father, Quique, hadn’t left the Seventh Street apartment even after she moved out. The two had breakfast - or more like brunch - every Sunday together. Fishing her keys from her bag, she opened the outside door and walked into the main hallway. She heard her father singing along to an old Hector Lavoe record as she approached the door to the apartment. It helmed fading letters of “Casa de Rivera” painted on an equally fading Puerto Rican flag. Smiling, she opened the door and walked in, placing her bag on the couch before joining her father in the kitchen and finishing the song as a duet.

“Hi, mija.” Quique kissed his daughter’s cheek.

“Hey, dad. Need any help?”

“No, I’ve got it. But thank you. Quieres cafe?” He asked, motioning to the moka pot on the stove. “How are you? Interviewed anyone interesting last week?”

“I interviewed the Crimson’s new rookie, Spencer Reid. He seems sweet.” She poured herself coffee before hopping onto the counter. “But now that the season is over, my editor is floating the idea of me covering hockey or basketball.”

“Hockey?” Quique sounded almost offended at the idea. “Azucar?” He knew how she liked her coffee, so he didn’t even have to ask.

“Thank you. But yeah, hockey. Fortunately for you, you don’t have to worry about me falling in love with a hockey player. They are not my type,” she teased.

“Did you know Mateo is in the city? I ran into him a few days ago. He asked how you were doing.”

“I did not know he was here. I haven’t seen him since the Crimsons’ game last year and I’d like to keep that streak going as long as possible. Do you know why he’s here? He only came for games, but it’s the off-season. So why?”

“Yo no se.” He shrugged. “Said he was sightseeing with his new girlfriend. I think her name was Amelia.”

“Let me guess: pretty, white and blonde. Right? That’s his type. Why he ever got involved with me, I will never understand How is he?” She asked.

“Do you really want to know?”

“I almost made the mistake of marrying him so- sure. How is he?”

“First is still un pendejo for letting go of the best thing that ever happened to him and that will ever happen to him. He seemed okay. Didn’t seem happy. I doubt he’s happy if he’s still asking about you.”

“Thanks, dad, but you don’t have to lie to me. I can take it. It’s been two years. He- he deserves to be happy.”

“No, he does not. I am telling you the truth. Un pendejo had a sadness in his eyes. He knows he fucked up.” His comment made her laugh. “I shouldn’t have brought him up.”

“No, it’s okay. Also gives me a warning that he is here in case I run into him and- Amelia.”

“What would you do if you saw him again?”

“Be civil like I was last time.” She shrugged. “He’s moved on and- so have I. What did you tell him when he asked about me?”

“I told him about your boyfriend on the Mets.” He explained.

“What boyfriend?”

“Cooper.”

“Cooper isn’t- oh my god. You told him I was dating Cooper?”

“Por que? Did you break up?”

“We were never dating to begin with. We- we had a mostly professional relationship that occasionally included dinner and drinks- and other things.” She admitted.

“Oh. Wow. Really? I thought you two were good together.”

“We were never together. We were- friends with benefits. But that’s over now because he’s met someone that he’s serious about. And she’s cute. So I gave him my blessing and we ended things. Now we’re just friends with a strictly professional relationship.”

“When you introduced us, I thought you were introducing him as your boyfriend,” Quique told her.

“No. I was introducing my dad who loves baseball to the only Major League player I know personally.

“Why didn’t you date him?”

“Because the last thing I want is to be involved with another athlete. Just because the sex is good doesn’t mean I have to give the man my life. Learned that the hard way,” she told him. He gave her a look. “Shouldn’t have said all of that, but you know what I mean, Mr. hasn’t dated anyone since the mother of his child left.” Quique’s jaw dropped. “Am I wrong?”

“I didn’t date because I had my hands full raising a beautiful and smart daughter on my own. Because I don’t need someone else to be happy. And you don’t either.”

“You know this is a generational curse. You got your heart broken by the love of your life. I got mine broken by the guy I thought was the love of my life and now we’ve both shut love out.”

“Not true. I have love in my life. I have you and your brother. My colleagues and the guys at the center. Your uncles. I am surrounded by love. You have me, your brother. You have Andi and- I don’t know all of your friends’ names, but you’ve got them.”

“Fair enough.” Lucy laughed.

“I don’t need romance to be happy. Neither do you.”

“Exactly. We were both miserable when we had romance. And we’re far happier now.”

“Yes, we are.” Quique smiled, clinking their mugs together.

After brunch, Lucy cleaned up. The agreement was whoever didn’t cook washed the dishes.

“By the way, I have something for you.” She told Quique.

“A gift? For me? It’s not my birthday. It’s too early for Christmas. What did you get me?” He asked.

“It’s not from me. It’s from- a friend.”

“You have friends besides Andi and Emily?” He teased.

“Yes, I do. He’s a new one.”

“It’s a he? Interesting. Why is this new friend getting gifts for your father?”

“Because I told him you are a big fan of the Wolverines.”

“Is it Simmons? You interviewed him last season.”

“Yes, actually. Since he heard you’re a fan he wanted to get you something as a thank you for supporting the team.” Lucy explained, drying her hands. “Come on. It’s in my bag in the sala.”

“What is it?” Quique asked, following her to the livingroom. She grabbed her bag off the couch and pulled the ball out. “Is that?”

“A baseball signed by all the current Wolverines and Coach Garrett.” She replied, handing it to him. He held it, rotating it in his hands to appreciate each signature. “Ay, thank you, mija!” The smile on his face made Lucy’s heart soar. He hugged her. “This is going in my office. I have to get a display for it.”

“I figured so I ordered you one. It’ll be here sometime this week.”

“What would I do without you?” He asked. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank you. I didn’t even ask. Matt just showed up with it.”

“Showed up?” He questioned.

“We- we ran into each other. He’s in the city visiting friends and-”

“How did he know I’m a Wolverines fan?”

“I told him when I interviewed him.”

“And he remembered all this time?” Quique asked. “I think he likes you.”

“No, he does not. We’re just friends. Trust me.”

“Then maybe he’s trying to seduce you.” Quique laughed.

“That- that’s ridiculous. I’m not getting involved with another athlete. He’s just a really nice guy. He’s sweet and-”

“Maybe you like him?”

“No, I do not! I am not interested. I don’t need or want another relationship. Not now or anytime soon. I am enjoying the single life. I don’t need a man in my life.”

“Except for me.”

“Except for you.” She laughed. “So you like it?”

“I love it! Please tell him thank you for me.”

“I will tell him he probably made your whole week, right?”

“He did! I am going to put it on the window behind my desk.”

“Pretty soon you’re going to run out of space to display all your Wolverines shit in your office.”

“If that happens, I’ll just bring stuff home.”

“As if you have room for anything here.” Lucy laughed, motioning to the baseball memorabilia scattered around the apartment. “You’ll need a bigger apartment.”

“Never. I’ll be leaving this place in a coffin.” He replied. Lucy slapped his arm lightly.

“Don’t say that! Don’t even play. You’re young and healthy.”

“From your lips to god’s ear.” He laughed.