#like yes i have dysphoria but the only thing worse than my dysphoria is my specific issues regarding surgery so

[killbaned]

sometimes i see other people breasting boobily and i just wanna be like “respectfully, does your back also hurt and where’d you get that bra, that looks like a nice bra for keeping everything contained” but i don’t because i feel like there’s no way to phrase it that doesn’t sound fucking weird.

[pressureplus]

I need that for my comfort!🥺✨ Trans boy reader who started to have dysphoria because his hair a getting to long for his comfort. So he ask to Sebastian to help him cut them shorter, which Sebastian hesitantly agreed. Might not be the best since it’s was cut with some scissors and also because Sebastian never cut hair before. But reader is still happy with the result lol.

This is so cute

Hair and Care 101

Pairings: Sebastian Solace X TransMasc!Reader

Au: Classic

Warnings: Mentions of Gender Dysphoria

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟

“And you're sure you want me to cut it? You won't do it yourself?”

“I can't exactly see the back of my head, so yes.” You sit on a stool, hands knitted together in anxiety. You'd asked Sebastian if he would be willing to cut your hair for you today. It had been, admittedly, a bit awkward to ask. He’d been flipping through files and restocking the supplies on his tail when you'd stepped into his shop. Your long hair getting in your eyes and somewhat fanning out nearly down to your hips. You hadn't had the opportunity to get it cut in so long it made your skin crawl. You felt…feminine. Way too feminine. You can't remember the last time you let your hair grow out this long and its made it really, really hard to focus on anything else. Its not just because it gets in your eyes and you can't for the life of you find a hairtie. Its deeper than that. You've started to almost flinch away from your reflections in the water and windows.

You've started to grab at your hips, at your face, poking and prodding and wondering if you can even pass with long hair. You haven't met another person besides Sebastian and the idea of being unable to see yourself the way you should. The way you know in your heart to be right. It makes you uncomfortable. You can only pinch and poke and prod for so long before your skin gets irritated. Right now, sat here, waiting for Sebastian to cut your hair? This was like your skin getting irritated. You had to debate if you were willing to even let another person cut your hair. What if they butchered it? What if it made you look worse than before? What if he fucked it up so bad you looked like one of those weird troll dolls but worse somehow? It had been your biggest worry for quite some time, until your hair got long enough that you couldn't stand it anymore.

“I feel like I should make you sign a waiver.”

“Sebastian, Im serious. Please, just cut it, I don't care if it's the worst thing ever. I can't keep walking around like this.”

“You understand my hands are too big to fit these scissors properly, right?”

“Doesnt matter, just get it done.” He sighs and grabs a collection of your long locks, specifically the one around your face. He straightens the hair to the best of his abilities using a hand so he can make the cleanest cuts he can.

“Why does this matter so much to you? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, focused on surviving? I mean paying me for a haircut seems a bit much.”

“Its…complicated.”

“How complicated can it really be?” He hums as he continues to make cuts, the sound of scissors through hair joining the sound of dripping water and Sebastian's voice. Would he even be cool about something like this? He doesn't particularly like anyone, and he's not really friendly with you either. Would he use it against you somehow? Would he get aggressive about it?

“I just feel kind of…feminine, and it makes me uncomfortable.” You mutter and this only gets a chuckle, sounding condescending.

“Oh, Expendable, long hair doesn't make you any less of a man. Don't be ridiculous.”

“I just don't like it.”

“Look, all I'm saying is, you could have bought a medkit instead of a haircut. If its this important than fine. Who am I to tell you how to spend your collected data?”

“Whether it makes me more of a man or not, is it wrong of me to not like feeling…” You trail off, and all at once, Sebastian tenses mid cut.

“Oh…thats what this is about.” His tone softens up a bit, the mild poking he had been doing immediately being cut out as he carries on cutting your hair.

“This isn't too stupid of a purchase, I guess.” He adds on.

“Yeah?” You ask as he finishes up, putting the scissors to the side and ruffling your hair to get any loose strands out.

“Yeah. Go take a look,” he motions towards the water so you can see yourself in the reflection. You peer down into it curiously and immediately your shoulders relax. You hadn't even realized you'd been tense. Your hairs a bit choppy, admittedly, but its not ugly or particularly butchered by any means. He was oddly thoughtful and careful about taking care of your hair for you. Even saying it was ridiculous to spend your data on, he didn't ruin it for you on purpose.

“Its good, you did a good job.”

“Yeah, well, I'm sure if you keep coming to me I'll get better every time.”

“Im sure you will, then.” You give him a smile and he kind of awkwardly smiles back for a moment. A bit of hesitation as you grab the keycard off his desk and put your swimming gear back on now that its dry.

“Wait.”

“Ah- Yes Sebastian?” You turn, concerned about what he might say. He's not stupid and you're certain he's figured you out by now. If he doesn't like it, there's nothing he can do about it sure but you always tense when people get all awkward around you. He hesitates a moment longer before giving you a little wave.

“You look better with short hair anyway.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah, I do…now go on and get out of here. I've got other Expendables to deal with and a mess of hair to clean.”

[ugly-anarchist]

I find it funny when exclusionists say things like "aros don't experience oppression" or "aros have nothing in common with queer people" when... Yes we do. The aromantic experience specifically is extremely similar to the gay/trans experience.

People call us predators, pedos, abusers, mentally ill, and unnatural. (Same as gay people)

When we come out to people, even therapists, conversion therapy is offered or encouraged. (Same as all queer people)

We have trouble figuring out we're aro, some don't even realize it until they're old, because being alloromantic is seen as the natural order. (Same as trans people)

I, as a bisexual and trans aromantic, actually find that my experiences with being aro mimic my experiences with being trans and bi. I became more comfortable with romance when I came out as aro, the same way I became more comfortable with femininity and masculinity when I came out as nonbinary. I experience the same kind of dysphoria when I'm assumed to be alloromantic as I do when I'm misgendered. I find that my internalized doubt at being queer is exactly the same for my aromanticism as it is with my bisexuality and nonbinary identity.

My aromanticism also affects and adds layers to my other queer identities and how people view them. "Love is love" doesn't apply to me and people can't make my attraction "acceptable" by only talking about the romantic aspects (as there is none). It makes the biphobic remarks worse because I'm held up as "proof" that bisexuals are just cheating, horny, players that don't care about anything other than sex. I'm held up as proof of the "chemical castration" of minors because I'm trans and aro. They point to me and go "see? this is what happens to people who transition!"

My experiences with being aro are, at times, nearly identical to my experiences with being bi and trans. But my being aro makes the biphobia and transphobia I experience significantly worse.

[dayangaytransman]

Warnings: Queerphobia, harassment

Three people just attacked me! This happened around 30 minutes ago or maybe 1 hour ago I don't know. For the record, I live in Iran. I have long dyed red hair and my face is feminine. I look very androgynous and people here don’t like it. Additionally, I have social anxiety, so just going outside is scary, and this thing makes it worse. I was going shopping for my mother. It was a long road and I was walking. Then three boys on a motorcycle saw me. They were very young, around 15 to 18 years old, but they were much bigger than me. At first, they just stopped the motorcycle in front of me. I was listening to music with my headphones and didn’t listen to them. I walked away. But they stopped me for the second time and this time, they spat on the ground in front of me. I walked away again, but the last time, one of them kicked my leg. It didn’t hurt at all, but I noticed they wouldn’t let me go. So, I kicked the last boy’s butt with all my might. It was a rainy day, so my shoes were dirty. The first boy was the one who kicked me, but I was closer to the last one. Then I jumped into the nearby shop. I told the man who works there that these guys were harassing me and asked if I could stay in his shop. He said yes. And he was a very handsome man. Anyway, I got a panic attack in my binder. I stayed in his shop for 15 minutes and then left. I can’t stay in this country because people hate me only because of my hair and the way I look! And I know if I call the police, they will do nothing. I’ve seen what happens when you call the police. The police will also harass you. My friends have had similar experiences. I have voice dysphoria, and during this ordeal, I was so scared of what would happen if they found out I am an AFAB person.

The people are worse than the government. Fuck it. I don’t want to cut my hair short, but I also don’t want to feel unsafe.

[transmascissues]

hey, sorry idk if its ok for me to ask for advice here, but im really lost and dont know where else to go.

i might be starting testosterone really soon, (via informed consent) but i keep flipping back and forth on whether or not i'm sure i want it. some days i think, "yes 100% im a man i want T right now" and thinking abt the effects of T makes me euphoric. other days i think, "wait AM i sure tho? what if it turns out i hate it actually" and thinking abt the effects of T on those days makes me anxious and ambivalent.

i think it might be just a fear of change, but i'm not sure, and i'm worried about making a decision i'll regret forever. it doesnt help i keep seeing ppl say things like "you need to be 100% sure you want hrt before u start because going back and forth puts a huge strain on the body" etc, but i dont know if i ever will be 100% sure.

what do you make of this? do i really need to be 100% sure? am i rushing in too fast? or is this just anxiety talking?

i spent years agonizing over if i was really sure that i wanted to start t, and you know what it taught me?

no one is ever 100% sure about anything. it’s an impossible task. that’s just not how people work — you’re always going to find more things to be anxious or unsure about when you think about it because it’s an unknown thing and it’s completely natural to be at least a little unsure of unknown things.

and most of the time, nobody expects you to be 100% sure about big decisions because we all know it’s an unfair expectation. nobody told me i couldn’t go to college because i wasn’t 100% sure where i wanted to go. nobody tells you to never drive anywhere because you’re not 100% sure that the car won’t crash. accepting risk is a part of life. trusting ourselves to make the best decisions we can — and trusting ourselves to be able to handle whatever happens next — is an unavoidable part of life.

the only reason we’re held to that impossible standard of 100% certainty when it comes to medically transitioning is because people are transphobic and they want us to second guess ourselves and put off hormones or surgery out of fear. if everyone waited until they were 100% sure, no one would ever transition, and that’s exactly what they want.

i look at it like this: hormones are like any other medication. you take them because you decide they have a good shot at making your life better even though there’s also a chance they might be ineffective, have bad side effects, or even make things worse in the end. we accept that risk every time we take a medication because we weigh the options and decide the good that could come of them is worth that risk. imagine if doctors only offered medical care to people when they were 100% sure it would work and not have any side effects — they would never do anything at all!

i can’t tell you if hrt is right for you. i can’t tell you if the risk is worth it for you. what i can tell you is that, when i was unsure about what to do, there were two things that made me decide it was worth the risk:

the first is that i knew i wanted to give myself a chance. the idea of going on hormones only to get more dysphoria from it sounded terrifying, but the reality was that i was already living with dysphoria! and the idea of just accepting that because i was afraid to try the thing that could make it better was even more terrifying. at the end of the day, i decided it was better to choose the option that could make things better than it was to just spend the rest of my life wondering if it would’ve helped. the worst case scenario in both choices is dysphoria, so i figured, why not pick the option where the best case scenario is euphoria? i know dysphoria is something i can live with because i’ve been doing it for years, so i felt that i could trust myself to be able to deal with that outcome if it came. i knew it was possible that i would regret it and wish i had never started t, but i also knew i would regret it even more if i went my whole life never having given myself a chance at something better than the dysphoria i already live with. i figured, if i have to take a risk, why not take the one that excites me instead of the one i would just be taking out of fear?

the second is that hormones are fucking slow. there can be some changes that happen fast but for the most part, the changes on t take time to happen fully, and if i wanted even more time i knew i could take a lower dose to slow things down further. it’s not like you just wake up one day with a totally different body — it’s a process, and if at any point in that process you realize you don’t like what’s happening, you can stop! you’re completely in control; the second it starts to feel like it’s making something worse instead of better, you can decide to stop taking it. even with the changes that came quickest for me, i had time to assess as they started happening, and it would’ve been as simple as putting down the syringe and never using it again if i decided i didn’t want those changes to continue.

(and the people who say you can’t start and stop because of the strain on your body are exaggerating — i had to start and stop multiple times because i was having allergic reactions to all of the serums we tried, and i was totally fine. that was never even a concern my nurse brought up to me. i’m sure it’s not ideal to do that constantly, but i don’t think it’s a big thing you have to worry about.)

again, i can’t tell you if starting t is the right move for you. all of this is just how i made that decision for myself; i can’t make yours for you. what i can tell you is that you are more than capable of making a thoughtful and informed decision without being 100% sure. certainty is not a requirement.

and frankly, anyone who tells you they were 100% sure when they made that decision is either lying about it because they feel like they should’ve been totally certain, or they were in a position to make the decision so quickly that it didn’t leave time to mull things over and find things to be unsure of.

which leads me to my final point: if you’re thinking about it this hard and trying to be this meticulous about making the right decision, you’re absolutely not rushing into it. whatever decision you make, you’ve clearly put a lot of thought into it and that’s all anyone can ask of you.

this is your decision, not anyone else’s, and already you have everything you need to make the best decision you possibly can. trust yourself to choose wisely, and trust yourself to be able to handle whatever your choice brings. you got this.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas! I just had a question about gender identity, and I really don't know who to turn to and you give great advice and knowledge, but please don't feel pressured to respond

So... with gender dysphoria... I thought it was just something that like came and went, if that makes sense? Like in periods; sorta like how depression episodes are bad some days but fine other days? Sorry I'm probably not describing this properly and that was probably a bad comparison 😂 but now I find out that it's like... a diagnosis? But I thought it was just something you could.. get occasionally. But are you supposed to feel it all the time for it to actually be gender dysphoria??? Aaargh

And is it okay to experience what I presume is gender dysphoria when you're... not trans? Bc I'm a girl, was born a girl, but sometimes (especially late at night, welp) I just hate my body, hate being referred to as a girl, hate having long hair and just wish upon all things that I was born a guy, seen as a guy. But then other days I'll be completely fine with being a girl? So I don't think I'm trans, but then why do I hate being a girl so much sometimes 😭 and I know there's other identities, but I've never really thought 'oh hey this sounds like me!' (And besides it's not really worth trying bc none of my family and friends will every recognise identities outside of the binary. Yay. It's just better for me to suffer through being a girl atp, they'll only ever see me as their 'daughter who thinks she's a boy, enby etc.')

I'm just kinda scared to ask my friends if they feel like this cos I'm not really close to anybody and theyd probably just think I'm weird and avoid me, and I'm not sure if I'm just making it up, yk? Like because there's so much stuff online about new identities and stuff I'm just being 'dragged in' (at least, that's what my mum thinks/will think 🙄, same with my ✨️mental health issues✨️, but that's a whole nother issue lol)

Anyway sorry for the half-rant, I hope you have a fantastic day! 😊

And don't forget about the game...

Hi love!

Okay so the thing with dysphoria is it differs for everyone. So I can share my experience with it, and what I know about others, but I'm not a professional, and I can't speak for everyone. Just keep that in mind.

From what I know- yes, most people feel it in waves. Some days are worse than others and things can set it off. It's not a constant same-level feeling.

But it can also be diagnosed. It can be diagnosed for the same reason other things are diagnosed- some people want a name for the feeling, some people need it diagnosed to seek out treatment (hormone therapy) or for a host of other reasons.

Yes, yes can experience dysphoria when you're not trans. For example, if a cis man put on a dress, fake breasts, and a long wig, he might feel dysphoric. Maybe not, though. Not all trans people feel dysphoric, either.

But what you're describing- sometimes wishing you were born as a guy? That might be something to explore. I know you're afraid to talk to people irl about it and that's okay, but it could be helpful to just do some research about being outside the binary. Only if you want to, though. If you don't want to, that's completely your decision, and no pressure at all <3 You also don't have to identify any particular way, you know? it's all about what's comfortable for you.

Naming you star anon!

[variousbones]

If I could eat healthier and exercise more, I fucking would

An autistic rant about health/wellness advice

I am so sick and fucking tired of these health experts telling me to just exercise and eat healthier. I know. I am aware. Don’t you think that if it was accessible to me that I would fucking do it? I am not the poor ignorant lamb desperately in need of a wise shepherd to lead me to greener, safer pastures. I know Americans are eating ourselves to death. I know the food I eat is processed. I know I don’t exercise enough. I fucking know.

In fact I know all about macro and micro nutrients and what a balanced meal looks like and complete proteins versus incomplete and the important of eating organic because it has the most nutrients and on and on and on.

And I know that movement is essential to live. I even know multiple different ways to structure workouts for different outcomes. Muscle gain, cardio training, targeting specific muscle groups, warm ups and cool downs. I know ways to incorporate movement into my day that aren’t just going to the gym. I know there are all kinds of classes for every kind of workout or activity I can imagine. I know all of it.

My problem is not ignorance and I’m so fucking sick of so much of the current popular health rhetoric acting like we’re all just too stupid to understand. Yes, information suppression about food and exercise is a huge problem.

And also.

Can we stop acting like these are individual choices?

I cannot Girlboss my way out of this shit.

I have sensory issues, dietary restrictions, specific textural and taste needs, a highly dopamine-driven brain, and poor executive functioning without medication or other extreme intervention.

I cannot simply just start eating grilled chicken salads and chia pudding. I eat what I eat because it’s accessible to me. Because I can get it down my throat without gagging or crying. Because it’s the only consistently appetizing thing. Because it’s safe and predictable.

I’m tired of this nihilistic, individualist ass approach. I’m tired of every health expert telling me that I’m killing myself with what I eat. I might as well just beat them to the punch and off myself now because apparently non-dairy milk is too processed too but I’m fucking lactose intolerant and cannot stand the taste/smell of dairy.

Like what is the fucking point of living if the only way that’s successful for me right now with my disabilities is apparently super evil and bad? What is the fucking point of trying if most of the “good foods” are repulsive to me?

We are in eating disorder territory.

I am so tired of this black and white all or nothing rhetoric. You know what’s worse than eating processed food? Not eating at all! Or eating very little and then purging because of the guilt you feel about the horrible evil bad food you DID manage to choke down!

I know most of these books and workshops and Ted talks aren’t written with disability in mind and you’re supposed to take the information with a grain of salt but 1) autistic black and white thinking makes that extremely hard to do in practice 2) the language used plus adhd rejection sensitive dysphoria makes it so I feel like I’M wrong and bad and evil for living like this and 3) it’s just so tiring to never be considered in health spaces and for all these gurus to make broad sweeping statements that isolate and shame disabled people

Just like every other part of the disabled experience I have just about fucking had it with people telling me things, assuming I’m not disabled or assuming that I can automatically filter it through my disability brain to understand how it applies to me. Give me information for better health that is accessible to me!!! Without shaming me for things I cannot fucking control because I have all these developmental disorders!!! And OBVIOUSLY this is exponentially more difficult for people with chronic physical illnesses and higher support needs who have even more restrictions than me. If you have a feeding tube, I really doubt that grass-fed free range meat is accessible for you. There’s just a certain point where constant “awareness” about an issue just becomes harmful because I can do fuck all about it. Yes I have a certain amount of agency and power but girl it’s a disability for a reason and I can’t just personal choice feminism my way out of it. Every time I see this health stuff I’m reminded of my limitations and how egregiously unhealthy I am and how I’m gonna end up in an early grave and all this and that and how I just have to CHOOSE to live healthier. As if I have all that many choices here. I am already grabbing life by the horns but this metaphorical bull wants me dead.

[matenrou-fan]

Oh well guess what? Diavolo is also my favourite!!!! So can I request his reaction with his FtM S/O coming out as a trans boy? I think he'd be so cute and nice to his beloved one... tysm!!

Diavolo with FtM! s/o who's coming out as a trans boy

yippee!! another dia fav!! glad to see you here <3

transreader, fluff, just wholesome stuff, mention of operations and meds;; mention of gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia

-Oh!! Diavolo actually was not that surprised, though.

-Yes, he always acts all silly and careless, but he is really attentive to you and definitely can easily notice how you were struggling before, especially in the very beginning, when no one knew and you got a female uniform for RAD.

-The way you always try to look more masculine and get upset when someone compliments you with casual 'girly' phrases like "you have a really cute face, like a porcelain princess..", or "you're such a lovely girl, s/o! ", Dia really quickly noticed that. Yet it confused him a little and only then he realizes what's wrong.

-So when you finally would be confident enough to come out as your true self, he would be already prepared, congratulating you.

-"Oh, s/o, I'm so happy..!" - his loud laugh rings in your ears as Diavolo embraces you in his tight bear hug. - "You're so strong to finally confess your feelings to this world, and I'm willing to support this strength inside you..!"

-As a future King, he has enough money to provide the best treatment to you. All needed meds such male hormones or something would be only high-quality, all your chest binders would be only made from good, elastic fabric, comfortable enough to walk like that for the whole day.. Name it, and your dear lover will find needed things in the best expensive option.

-Also, his title helps him find the most professional doctors not only in Devildom but in all three worlds for any operations you would need. I think the demon's medicine is no worse than ours, actually. (..or maybe they can just use some kind or curse to make your boobies fall off.. )

-Anyways, don't be shy! Dia just absolutely loves to spoil you, and also values you enough to give such pricey things.

"Mm.. I'm still not that good in this theme, dear.." - he mumbled, a little ashamed as you two were sitting together in his Castle during another tea date. - "Maybe there's something you also need? Please always tell me..!"

-Of course he would order to change all your documents for RAD to your new gender and name, right on the same day as you come out.

-And if there are any jerks who try to misgender you or even poke fun at you, Diavolo doesn't mind to take advantage of his title and status to get them kicked out of school.

-He always was kinda overprotective and possessive yet not your dear lover is even more clingy, feeling that you need more support right now from him. And he's ready to cheer you up with anything he can, from buying all needed stuff to just cuddling and kissing with you late at night in his bed.

-Even if he's not understanding many things yet, Dia would totally let you cry on his shoulder when you feel gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia, telling all kinds of praises when comes to his mind to soothe you down.

-"S/o, listen.. You're a boy to me. A man, even.. A man of my heart." - he whispers in your ear, stroking your trembling back. - "And I'm ready to support you until the very end, so come on, wipe away these tears.. My precious boyfriend doesn't deserve to cry over all these things..!"

[guangchuans]

i know. i know Very well "under my skin" is not about transsexuality. i know it is not about t4t love. that being said, if the shoe fits…

I'd like to preface this by saying, it's just my interpretation of the song, and how *I* personally see it as a transgender gay man. This doesn't mean it's true, nor real, nor most definitely, does not mean I think any of this reflects who Lee Taemin as a person is. I am not making any assumptions and will be treating the lyrics as a seperate line of work.

ok now insanity begins. this is the translation i'm basing this on.

The title itself.

The title itself always stood out to me and spoke to me. It is such a common feeling, for growing up transgender, to always feel like there is something hiding inside of you. How it's all literally just under your "real" skin, how under your skin lives a different you that cannot be showed. Just a brief mention of this, I just Really enjoy the title itself <3

Verse 1

the constant feeling of wrongness, the crawling under one's skin that never seems to go away, how often we internalise the transphobia around us to paint our true self as something worse, something ugly. how it makes us feel so uneasy to live a lie, when a lie we don't want to live but we are forced to.

Pre-chorus 1

This is more subjective, but well, this whole thing is. This pre-chorus always hits me the hardest. How it's such a simple truth… how if you are raised with a view of your gender not being right, it becomes such an obstacle to truly loving yourself. How our "ideal self" becomes twisted through the layers and layers of acceptation we must go through. And the last line here… how at some point, it just becomes unbearable. You have to break away. You *have* to do something or it will kill you.

Chorus 1

Here is where my T4T part of this song comes in. The lyrical subject is finally able to bare their heart, they reach out, and they find someone who doesn't reject them. The theme of hiding, of it being under my skin continues, and yet this time… there is hope. That maybe hiding will be no longer necessary.

Verse 2

Verse 2 is where my theory falls apart LMAO. The line of "someone who left me" points clearly to this being a break-up song, but fear not, this won't stop a transgender warrior like me. The first line of Verse 2 strikes me always, though. A side "you can't let out anywhere" and how only the subject's lover is their only safe place. How each previous hurt left them more inside their shell than before. But what would it be to show, something that "can't be let out"? This again just makes me feel like it's a call for love like yours, a call for love from a person who will understand exactly what you feel, in detail.

Pre-chorus 2

This… I interpret as dysphoria. The mention of a mirror makes me imagine the lyrical subject looking at themself, asking these questions, and the snickering being exactly dysphoria, telling them whatever they imagine their looks to be, it will never be what they want. It hurts, because it's your own mind turning against you. It is such… an evil way of your own mind to turn you against yourself like this, too. The lyrical subject now sees what it feels like to be away from their lover, from the one that melts their heart and worries away.

Chorus 2

First thing that comes to mind is the difference between "So now I reach my hand" in Chorus 1 vs "So now I take your hand" here – I think we can assume this takes place at a different space in time, where the lyrical subject and their lover are now a more stable thing, where the subject can take their hand, and "touch their love". Here again, as with previous chorus, is where I imagine most of the T4T narrative. This love makes the subject understand slowly that whatever is going on with them, it's okay. They see it as weakness, yes, but we know from Pre-chorus 2 they've been hurt before, so it doesn't come as a shock too much. The love the lyrical subject experiences can become their safe space.

Bridge

A side-note... I find this bridge to be so beautiful. The lyrical work, the delivery in the actual song too, it makes my heart sing, a bit. Here, we see how the love, the safe love now, transforms the way the lyrical subject is able to think about their life now. Their whole perspective shifts, now understanding maybe, that there was no "old self", that there is no "before and after" of a transition.

Chorus 3

For Chorus 3 only a brief mention will be needed, given that it is almost the same as Chorus 1, but I think it's interesting to compare "Only your warmth can melt my cold heart" to "Only your warmth melts my cold heart" – I think this again solidifies the passage of time in the song and how the subject's lover is now a constant fixture in their life.

Post-chorus

The post-chorus is simple, just repeated lines from Verse 2, but I want to mention it still. How it is so important here, that this thing, whatever it is that troubles the subject, their gender, their presentation, their worries connected to that, how hidden they've been, how lonely they must have felt. They are asking for something so simple, just for holding, but it simply speaks to me, how little they would need for comfort.

Closing thoughts

To be honest, I have no idea if this makes much sense. I just wanted to write something for myself to put myself in a good mood and something I could look back on, hah. If anyone read this far… hi! What did you think? <3 hah "Under my skin" is definitely a Taemin song that didn't click with me at first, as most his Japanese stuff, but I'm so glad I came to appreciate his music in both languages. I simply… ah… love his music a lot. And this is my little love letter about it :*

[no-more-rqs]

AGREE 100000% ON THE DISSOMEI THING finally someone said it

im glad people agree lol, honestly most people seemed to completely misunderstand my post (to the point where i got a hate ask calling me a xenosatanist and telling me to kill myself) so im glad at least some people understand

the "i hate rqs and transids you all SUCK and are BAD!!!!!" on every single post:

1, pushes away anyone considering alternative terms and forces them to stay in radqueer communities because you (not at anon) are telling them that they are horrible people supporting horrible things (even if thats not your intended message)

2, is very triggering to many people recovering from radqueer/transid communities*, and if they have nowhere else to go without being extremely triggered every time they try to participate in radqueer communities theyll end up going back to those communities because often those are the only communities where they felt a (false) sense of safety and security

3, comes off as self-righteous and holier than thou, which pushes even more people away and towards the radqueer community because transid/radqueer communities are much chiller when it comes to things like this instead of having shit tons of posts that say "im BETTER for not giving into dysphoria youre a BAD person and im a GOOD person" (obviously im not saying "faking races/disorders is good!!!!" im just saying that many people act like theyre morally superior to people struggling and faking things out of desperation**)

*please god the anti-radqueer community needs to realize that a lot of ex-radqueers' experiences arent just "i saw people saying kids can consent and identifying as transharmful and it made me really upset". yes that can be damaging, however, there are many people who have gone through far worse, often to the point where they cant see any mentions of radqueers or transids without having panic attacks. there are people who have been sexually assaulted, threatened, stalked, or even raped or violently abused in the radqueer community, and to just tell those people "well you need to get over it because telling radqueers to fuck off on every unrelated post makes me happy" is extremely insensitive and disgusting. you are not making a community for those with atypical dysphoria if you do that. many people discovered they had atypical dysphoria in the rq community, and have very severe trauma from the community. the dissomei community is not safe for those with atypical dysphoria.

**anti-radqueer (and dissomei by extent) communities have constructed this idea that any dysphoria that isnt gender dysphoria is easy to deal with and very minor. honestly, many peoples idea of "atypical dysphoria" isnt dysphoria at all (but at the same time, you have to have dysphoria or else youre a horrible person for "wanting to be" a different race). for one, dysphoria can be extremely debilitating: i have a friend who is a trans man and seoracial, and his racial dysphoria is almost always more intense and difficult than his gender dysphoria. its gotten better since i coined the term "seoracial" (i actually coined it partially to help him) and helped him, but that race dysphoria will probably always be there in some capacity (as it is for many trans people as well).

dissomei terms almost always have a very big paragraph on every post that explains how youre not allowed to transition because transitioning is harmful, with one or two sentences at the end saying "if youre doing it respectfully its okay though!". not only is this useless and at times offensive when put on posts where transitioning would be perfectly fine, its even more useless when put on posts where transitioning wouldnt be fine. using my example of race, nowhere does it explain what is and isnt "racial transitioning", only stating that its bad. this is extremely unhelpful and actively harmful because it portrays any form of relieving dysphoria as "racial transitioning (bad and horrible)" because it doesnt explain what that actually is. i made sure to include examples and explanations in my coining post for seoracial because nuance is extremely important when extreme dysphoria can be life or death for some people. acting like youre morally superior to people who faked their race because they didnt know of any other option is incredibly insensitive and rude, and this is a problem with the entire anti-radqueer community (im including dissomei in the anti-radqueer community because, as ive said previously, its just a subgroup of anti-radqueers and not really an overall atypical dysphoria community).

[repldemiurge]

End of month 5~ (minor nsfw I suppose)

August was materially better than July. It felt like less shit went wrong, I was less stressed, and especially post big mid-month deadline work has been very manageable, but God I was depressed. It's almost worse when you're well aware that you feel like shit for "no good reason". I feel like I kinda neglected my friends, which in turn didn't make me feel any better which, etc etc.

But starting teaching again has been a good mental reset and my mood has been really good for a few days. Hope that keeps up!

I know a big big part of it has been dysphoria which has been crushing. It was honestly worse this month than any of the previous. I know it's just because I see the good changes, and they're wonderful and amazing, but I think it makes all The Issues™® stand out in ways that really really hurt. Whatever. Trust the process. The better I take care of myself the better I feel. Shrug.

Focusing on the good, my skin is clearer, my hair is softer, my hands are softer, and just everything about my figure feels, gentler? And yeah, most excitingly I think I have slightly more ass, and my tits have only gotten a little bigger, but definitely more shaped and like. Defined. Like when I see myself topless it's like "oh those are *tits*". It's really nice to lay on my side and see them actually hang just a little with some weight.

Happy to finally answer a longtime thought I've had of - yes, having boobs ab-so-lutely makes me like "damn I wanna take some titty pics this is awesome".

The biggest mental change has been that I absolutely *feel* like a woman basically all the time now, to the point that when I have to act/present more masculinely for whatever reason, it feels disorienting and fake now. Despite 2012 probably being the last year I would've answered "are you a man?" with "yes", it was always a part I could play without any serious discomfort or awkwardness. Now I feel confused and frustrated. Which I guess is a good thing, but it is a new thing.

Otherwise, I guess it's on to month six, and then a hopeful dosage increase again 💋

[dulcedebusse]

Three months on T babyyyyy

Wanted to share my experience as a hesitant nonbinary person on low (currently 1/4) dose T. This will be long but I'll try to organize.

Body:

-- Overall fat distribution and weight loss. I got cut in like three weeks flat? I think this is due in part to me not knowing how to eat properly with an increased metabolism. But for real. I lost the fat on my arms that had never gone away even on a good work out plans (and ffff even when I was anorexic). I lost most of the little pouch below my belly button. Fat from my legs, gone my dude just GONE. I'm eating properly now and these changes have stayed. I don't work out at all these days but I magically have more definition. I'm ecstatic.

-- Bottom growth. Yes right on day 2 even on low dose. I had a little growth spurt in the first three weeks, during which I was very sensitive and very horny (challenging combination). Since this growth spurt, nothing has changed and the sensitivity has gone down; I'm actually less sensitive than I was before. For me this is great because it was previously very easy to get overstimulated there in a bad/painful way. Hoping for another growth spurt soon. It's CUTE and I LOVE IT.

-- Body hair: no changes as far as I can tell. Maybe some of it grows a little faster. I've let the few hairs I have below my belly button grow out for the first time ever, and I think it's pretty cute.

-- Voice: no change as far as I can tell. Two coworkers did comment on my voice today but I am also sick.

-- Sweat: I notice my palms sweat more often, otherwise no change. This is kind of positive for me since before they'd only sweat if I was an anxiety goo blob; now it's just kind of a normal thing so I no longer associate it with that state.

-- Period: My first one on T was so minor and I got excited. Less mood swings, less pain. The second one... put me down. It was absolutely horrible, extremely painful with bad moodswings, and my dysphoria went through the roof. This was the first time in my life I considered calling out of work for it. I have since started BC to stop my period because my T dose is too low to affect it--that came with a host of other things to deal with. Wish me luck.

-- Chronic pain: I have pretty bad back pain and hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and hips. I also have tendonitis and my hands often hurt like crazy in the cold or after I wake up. All of this has decreased significantly. My shoulders aren't crunchy! I would have had to do 1 hr of yoga per day to minimize my pain this much beforehand. (Have tested this.) I am amazed. I needed this so so badly.

Mind / mood:

-- Hunger: yes I'm hungry! Almost all the time! But it's also more manageable. Previously hunger would make me nauseous, angry, overall not functional. Now it's just plain hunger and it's pretty easy to take care of. I had some ED history so its amazing to just eat food that tastes good and feel good about it.

-- Irritability: a lot of people warned me about this but for me it's been very minor. I have noticed that in conflict I am more likely to not turn everything inward, which is actually pretty positive. (For example if I get crap at work, I'm more likely to write it off on the other person rather than have a breakdown in the bathroom and blame myself and spiral).

-- Sadness: I still feel normal levels of sad about things that are sad. I cry less about dumb stuff, but I still cry about serious stuff. I have depression and I do feel like it presents slightly differently--more just numbness, less sobbing.

-- Dysphoria: my day to day dysphoria has significantly decreased. When I do get dysphoria, it is much much worse.

-- Energy: I have more energy! Which is amazing because the main thing my depression does is take all my energy away. This has leveled off but in the beginning it was a very significant change.

Ok that's all I can think of. Feel free to ask me questions.

I'm so happy I'm doing this for myself. It's a very low dose, and I'm sure many people would prefer faster/greater changes, but thus far this has been so right for me. I'm choosing to participate in the creation of my self. For the first time in my life, I'm not chasing satisfaction to only end up with dissociation.

✌️

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

weirdest thing is that my rejection sensitive dysphoria actually get triggered by dan and phil. like, the fact that their views are only in the hundred thousands instead of the millions actually triggers my rsd for some reason, which makes NO SENSE. the same goes for the bad reactions to dan's catboy photoshoot. it probably means i'm too parasocial, but its like, i feel genuinely bad and like screaming or crying, or like i'm wrong and the world is wrong just because their views aren't what they used to be. its so fucking weird.

anyway, everyone go watch the past vids in the background as you do shit on loop, lets get them to 1mil views per vid.

Oof I understand this. It's kinda v similar to people saying mean things about your special interest/hyperfixation and that making you feel much worse than some random person's opinion should. We do have to figure out how to work through it ourselves or we'll end up always being miserable lol, but having a space to talk about it like this helps! Same here though, when they aren't doing well a part of me is so genuinely sad about it, and a little scared, I feel like every success they have gives me hope and every failure makes me keenly aware of my own. They've had such a positive response from the viewers with the return though, so I'm quite glad for it! The numbers certainly aren't what they used to be, we'll all eventually rewatch everything tho lol, it's gonna get there. Even bigger youtubers than them have trouble hitting a mil views on usual videos nowadays (yes I checked, sometimes stats are fun XD)

[windwardstar]

Was woken up by my body hurting because whoopsies I forgot I turned the heat down and my body does not like being cold. Also had some unhappy nerve pain from the top surgery acting up in resposne to the cold and like. Just. It strikes me so much in this moment how much ableism is baked into the fear mongering around transitioning. Especially in regards to top surgery and bottom surgery.

You'll be in pain? Yeah and? I'm already in pain. I've got other disabilities that cause similar or worse pain. This is nothing. Also even if I didn't have chronic pain to compare it to, this is nothing compared to the toll dysphoria took on my mental and physical heath. Or the pain that binding caused.

Also like, the only pain that's lasted past the initial acute healing stage has been nerve pain. Which has also just decreased as the nerves sort themselves out. When I do get a short-term increase it's because the nerves are doing their thing and reconnecting and starting to send signals back. Touching the area and giving it more sensation to help it learn is really effective at reducing or eliminating the pain and increasing sensation in the area (which is far easier than the pain spasms and joint aches that the rest of my body happens when cold) I'm also like less than a year out so like still very much in the healing stage.

And idk. To me at least the fear mongering of the top surgery pain is just. Don't do this it'll cause pain! Yeah so will so many other things people do in day to day life that causes accident or injury or just like idk hitting their funny bone on a door knob. Like.

Yes there is a risk of chronic pain post surgery. That goes for any surgery. But also most of that tends to resolve itself so most people won't actually experience life long chronic pain. But also like... people experience chronic pain. And just. There's so much ableism present in the fear mongering because it's the specter of disability being used to scare people away from transitioning rather than being treated as just another risk the person needs to take into account when making their decision.

[moonsinkfoxgirl]

Oh you've got time do ya? Time for the prime numbers?

prime numbers, yay ^_^

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

shy of course lol

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Lilly^^

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

that is extremely unlikely to happen, but yeah, she would^^

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

not gonna ever break up if I can help it

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

it's super nice ^_^

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

it would be ridiculous to think otherwise

19. Do you like bubble baths?

it's how I take all my baths^^ it does wonders for the dysphoria

23. Do you have trust issues?

probably a bit more than most people but it's not that bad I think? I more have worrying issues than trust issues mostly

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

never had an ex and hopefully never will

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

it is^^ usually need to make one to clean

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

it wouldn't be an awkward silence if I was capable of breaking it

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

that is a loaded question that is highly dependent on context, and the word 'deserves' is an extremely bad term to use in it

43. Do you smile at strangers?

no

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don't

59. First thing you ate this morning?

cereal! choco rice to be specific

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope, i was a 'pleasure to have in class'-kid

67. Facebook or Twitter?

I neither want the plague nor cholera

71. Craving something? What?

haven't had a good pasta in couple days now... the tragedy of not being with my girl, also cuddles

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yes^^ here in Vienna it's my pink blåhaj and Miharu my cute black snake

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

yellow

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

is that like a TV show or sthg?

89. Name a person you hate?

no thanks

97. Favourite actor?

I don't know any actors; favorite voice actress is probably 悠木 碧

101. Do you type fast?

most people rarely do I think and neither do I probably

103. Can you spell well?

haven't really checked much since my school days I was pretty alright back then, got a bit worse through all the internet typing but still nothing too bad I think

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

nope

109. Is something irritating you right now?

the fact that my gf is far far outside of cuddling range

113. What was your childhood nickname?

no thanks

127. What makes you happy?

Lilly, yuri, video games, having stressless free time to engage in my few creative outlets, Lilly

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

137. How tall are you?

167cm

139. Brunette or Blonde?

I would understand this question if it at least only excluded like the rare natural hair colors, but like there isn't even a black hair choice? what the hell? (this does not mean I would pick black hair)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

I wish I could, but alas, there is no evidence.

[7loveneverfails]

I had a thought, and since I didn't want it connected to my tumblr and remembered a post you'd written about a similar matter before, I wished to send it to you as an ask if you don't mind:

I think the rise of feminism and the loss of traditional gender roles in society is playing a big part in the trans ideology, because there's a bunch of confused young girls and women who are trying to find a place for them, and then at a vulnerable time they are hit with that ideology and it seems (if you have no reason to disbelieve it) all nice and cutesy and right, despite the fact that it's actively dangerous. Some, of course, will have felt varying levels of dysphoria from their childhood, but to validate those feelings will only make it worse, even if it appears to cure dysphoria.

(I say this as a woman who has experienced dysphoria since early teens, and who only found out about the trans ideology within the last couple of years.)

I'm not denying that it's hard at times! Just that it's clearly observable that there's an explosion of biological females identifying as anything but, and I suspect that part of it is connected to feminism.

I would love to know your opinion on the matter! God bless you.

(If you wish I am potentially willing to dm to discuss it further; not for certain, but maybe.)

Thanks for your time, and sorry this ask is a bit longer than I intended it to be!

I think it does play a big part definitely because our sex is such a basic part of our identity, when that element is thrown in a fog of confusion, its so difficult to understand ourselves and how we relate to the world around us and by blurring the lines and down playing the importance of gender roles in society we have made it to where we can't really support those that don't fit in the traditional roles. If we reduce the number of people fulfilling the roles, we end up with less support for those who can't.

We can't all just be doing our own thing and living our own truth, society will cease to function.

I think puberty is a big part also. Not only are girls uniquely set up by feminist ideas to be susceptible to it, but our reaction to our puberty is more prone to it. If the idea gets in a girls head that if she feels uncomfortable in her body, maybe she isn't a girl, and then she goes through puberty, where she feels uncomfortable in her own body because everyone does going through puberty, she can easily fall prey to it.

It sounds like being nice and fighting for people's rights, but the impact is ruining lives, especially of young women who otherwise would have grown up to have happy fulfilled lives but now they have to deal with the damage done to their minds and bodies.

I am probably wandering off of the point now, but yes, I think feminism laid the ground work for the gender and trans ideologies to take root for sure. And I think it has caused it to hit girls more than boys.