#like what those atoms do when you point a stick at it

[sleepy-nights-sleepy-days]

so real, sometimes i think abt the bizarre workings of the magical system in the hp universe and barely resist the urge to start writing abt chemistry to justify all the nonsensical rules . .

like holy shit just make them kiss and share traumas with e/o they don't need to have an academic debate rn bc someone cast an aguamenti

i need to read more academic articles to make my yaoi more insane

[the-library-alcove]

Back during the first Trump years, there was an incredibly well-written article in The Atlantic regarding the egregious cruelty of the MAGA movement and Trump, titled, "The Cruelty Is The Point". The article made the extremely pointed note that bonding over being monstrous to other people is a part of human behavior, especially group-bonding behavior.

The artifacts that persist in my memory, the way a bright flash does when you close your eyes, are the photographs of lynchings. But it’s not the burned, mutilated bodies that stick with me. It’s the faces of the white men in the crowd. There’s the photo of the lynching of Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith in Indiana in 1930, in which a white man can be seen grinning at the camera as he tenderly holds the hand of his wife or girlfriend. There’s the undated photo from Duluth, Minnesota, in which grinning white men stand next to the mutilated, half-naked bodies of two men lashed to a post in the street—one of the white men is straining to get into the picture, his smile cutting from ear to ear. There’s the photo of a crowd of white men huddled behind the smoldering corpse of a man burned to death; one of them is wearing a smart suit, a fedora hat, and a bright smile. Their names have mostly been lost to time. But these grinning men were someone’s brother, son, husband, father. They were human beings, people who took immense pleasure in the utter cruelty of torturing others to death—and were so proud of doing so that they posed for photographs with their handiwork, jostling to ensure they caught the eye of the lens, so that the world would know they’d been there. Their cruelty made them feel good, it made them feel proud, it made them feel happy. And it made them feel closer to one another.

Taking joy in that suffering is more human than most would like to admit. Somewhere on the wide spectrum between adolescent teasing and the smiling white men in the lynching photographs are the Trump supporters whose community is built by rejoicing in the anguish of those they see as unlike them, who have found in their shared cruelty an answer to the loneliness and atomization of modern life.

And it's very true, and we've seen it again and again from the right-wing MAGA types.

But that's not the only place we see that sort of cruelty in the modern zeitgeist.

It's also blatantly visible in the "Pro-Palestine" movement on the Left towards Jews. Celebrating the deaths and torture of Jews, harassment, egregious acts of cruelty towards Jews just existing... Examples abound in daily life for any Jewish person who doesn't loudly tokenize themselves as one of "the good ones."

But why? Why has the Left, which claims to be for human rights, social equality, and minority support, gone so deeply into a pattern of behavior that's a mirror of the Right they claim to hate and detest?

That question, I feel, has its own answer.

Because they are mirroring the Right.

One wonderfully pithy comment about modern conservativism, by Frank Wilhoit, is "Conservativism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect."

I personally believe that there are three propositions of Conservatism. The one above is the first, but the other two are that, "There are a finite number of legitimate ways to live your life," and "people exist to perpetuate and be consumed by the system."

And what has happened is that the Left, rather than come up with their own Left-wing propositions (say, for example, "Everyone should be equally bound by and protected by the law," "We must tolerate and encourage diversity of life experiences and outlooks", and "social systems exist to support human beings") they've merely taken the Conservative propositions and turned them on their heads. So if, in the USA, the Right says that White People are the In-group protected but not bound by law, and People of Color are the ones bound but not protected? Okay, then on the Left, it's the other way around. There's still an out-group and an in-group, just flipped. The basic structure hasn't changed. The same goes for the other propositions--if you're not part of their particular ideology, you're an enemy, and you exist to perpetuate their system if you're part of their ideology.

And because of that mirroring, we see the same behavior from the Left that we see on the Right.

[stevieschrodinger]

part One Two

“Steve, I really need to you reconsider this. I mean your life choices, your education, your past relationships, religious beliefs, sexuality, upbringing, political views. Everything that makes you, you, as a person. The very atoms that make up your body, the millennia of evolution. You need to question everything. Because all those choices have brought you here, to this moment...which is fundamentally a fucking mistake.”

“That was strangely beautiful Robs.”

“Unlike the creature feature up on stage there, who is just...strange.”

“He does look like he let a toddler do his makeup.”

“Surely...I mean it kind of looks like it’s done in sharpie, you don’t think it is though, do you?”

Steve sips his drink, “at this point…” Steve just trails off, because really, at this point, anything is possible.

“Are we sure they are all even playing the same song?”

“I think they’re...trying to?” Steve hedges, “but I’m not like, one hundred percent I mean...they are enthusiastic, you’ve got to give them that.”

“Oh, yeah, they have like that, teenage energy vibe you know. I can vaguely remember being really, you know, invested in stuff.”

“You can remember having fucks to give.”

Robin clicks her fingers at him, “yes. Yeah that. I remember having the energy to care.”

“Yeah.” Robin finishes her drink and shoves her empty glass at him. Steve sighs and goes to the bar. Again. He gets himself a coke. Again.

Steve brings Robin her drink, and they sit in silence watching the show. It is loud. And it is enthusiastic. Steve figures it’s some sort of...heavy ish rock? That they’re trying to reproduce up there. Sometimes the front man even introduces songs when he remembers that’s part of his job. Apparently some of them the band wrote themselves. It’s unfortunate.

“God they’re so shit. Harrington I better be your maid of honor when you marry that...that...whatever that thing is up there.”

Steve doesn’t care though. He doesn’t know enough about music to know if Eddie is any good on guitar, but he, specifically, doesn’t sound bad exactly...but he is quick. It’s pretty dead in here, and they aren’t seated that far away from the stage, so Steve can see just how quickly those nimble fingers dance across the strings.

He’s a sweaty mess. His make up definitely isn’t sharpie, because half of it has sweated down his face. His hair is half sticking up everywhere, and half plastered to him with sweat. Whats left of his hacked up tee shirt is sticking too him with sweat.

“Did he just trip over that guitar cable, again?” Robin slurrs at him.

“Yeah.”

“So not only is he fucking useless, but he also cannot be taught.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighs hopelessly.

He’s just so...earnest. So keen. Eddie clearly fucking loves being up there. It’s like...it’s like watching a kids talent show. Objectively shit but so fucking cute.

The audience gets informed that the band will be playing one final song, there’s a smattering of applause and a few woops from the minimal patrons. Steve’s pretty sure they’re cheering because the show is finally about to end, not because they’ve enjoyed any part of it.

“What you going to do?”

Steve climbs off his chair, downing the dregs of his coke, “I am going to fuck that man in a public bathroom.”

Robin huffs, “you’re so fucking vile.”

Part Four

What happens next on AO3

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Hii I have an unwell organized prompt:

Melissa and the reader at a game, there is a kiss cam, they kiss, the reader gets scared ‘cause someone can notice she really likes Mel. A lot of comfort please and thank you ❤️

The Kiss Cam

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: Like one swear word

The problem, you were beginning to realise, was that you were incapable of saying no to Melissa. She looked at you with those green eyes and asked you in that voice and you just melted, letting her do whatever she wanted. You’d agree to anything if she only asked you with that small smile you’d grown to love.

All of which meant you were squeezed into the stands as a hockey game was played below on the ice. Her arm was pressed to yours and you could hear her shouting down at the players. When she’d asked in the staff room if you’d come with her you’d nodded, not considering the fact you hadn’t ever watched a hockey game in your life.

The air prickled at your skin, cold enough to make you shiver and curl up in your coat. The crowd was loud and there was the scent of popcorn and processed meat on the air. Melissa kept leaning closer, whispering in your ear, explaining the game to you. None of it was sticking in your brain, not with her so close, her breath warming your skin, her hair brushing against your shoulder. You wanted to freeze the moment, live in it forever.

Surging out of her seat, she cheered as the puck found home in the back of the net. She looked down at you, wide smile on her face and you couldn’t help but grin back. It was like the rest of the crowd wasn’t cheering, fading away as you stared up at her, nothing but her real to you. Sitting, her arm pressed to yours, warm in the otherwise cold air. You found yourself leaning into her warmth, not able to help it. Every atom of yours wanted to be close to her.

“Watch Hart in goals. He won’t let a single one in,” she murmured in your ear, pointing down one end of the rink.

You looked where she was pointing, not sure you were seeing what she was. Sure, the goalie was stopping the other team from scoring but you couldn’t see whatever skill Melissa was seeing. Still, the feeling of her breath against your skin was sending your heart into a frenzy.

A cheer went up from the crowd and you couldn’t figure out why. No one had scored a goal. You’d been watching to make sure you didn’t miss it again.

“I can’t wait to see which dumbos they get up on there.”

She nudged you, nodding up to the big screen above the rink. A kiss cam. You laughed, watching a couple kiss, the man shoving his tongue into her mouth. Melissa tutted, shaking her head and she lent back, arms crossing over her chest. You did your best not to notice the way it pushed her ample chest upwards.

It took her elbow nudging you to notice that the image on the screen had changed. In fact, it had changed to two very familiar people. Your cheeks heated immediately, shaking your head at your own face displayed for the entire crowd to see. Melissa chuckled under her breath, arm snaking around your shoulders.

“Come on then, hon,” she said, “pucker up.”

You wanted to argue but then thought it would look even weirder if you didn’t. Would everyone know about the crush you’d been harbouring on Melissa since the day you’d met her if you didn’t? Would she know?

Rather than continuing to think about it, you let forward until you felt the warmth of her breath. Her lips were soft when they brushed against yours. You made a small noise when her tongue ran along your bottom lip, leaving you breathless and head spinning. A cheer went up from the crowd and you pulled back, practically jerking away from her.

You felt your cheeks burning and your entire body was an electric wire. You looked away from Melissa, not sure you could handle looking at her when you could still feel the press of her lips lingering on yours. You look a long sip from your soda, looking down at your feet.

She shouted something down at the ice and you sighed, shifting as far as you could from her in the tiny seat. She was so close, her perfume wafting towards you. You glanced down at the ice then back at her. She was so beautiful and yet you knew none of it was for you. Of course it wasn’t. Melissa would never like you like that. She could have her pick of people. No way would she choose you.

A gross feeling settled in your stomach. You shifted in your seat again. You didn’t like the way your skin felt or the beating of your heart. You swallowed past a lump in your throat, doing your best to push down the rising feelings in your chest. It was all feeling overwhelming and you could taste her on your lips. You needed space.

You needed to get out.

“Sorry,” you whispered to her, “I have to go.”

You stood, ignoring her surprised look, doing your best to shuffle past the people sitting in your row. She called after you but you ignored it, speeding up until you reached the stairs. You weren’t running but it was a close thing as you did your best to put some distance between yourself and Melissa. You couldn’t stand spending another moment sitting so close to her when the ghosts of her lips were haunting you.

Pushing out of the arena, you hurried out into the parking lot, frantically digging through your bag for your keys. Someone shouted your name behind you. Squeezing your eyes shut, you dug further, desperate to find the cool metal you needed. A hand grasped your wrist, turning you until you were staring into fiery green eyes.

“Oi, what gives?” Melissa demanded.

“I’m sorry, I just… I have to go. I’m not feeling well,” you said, not quite lying but definitely not telling the truth.

“You sure or was kissing me that bad?” she asked.

“No,” you yelped. There was no way you could admit that kissing her had been that bad. Or rather, than had it had been the opposite of bad and if you weren’t careful she’d figure out how much you wanted to d it again.

“I know you probably didn’t want to kiss me but this is just childish. You can’t avoid me when we work together. I thought we were friends, hon.”

You hadn’t noticed before, but looking up you found pain swimming in her eyes. Her fingers tightened for a moment before she released you, practically throwing your arm back at you. Her lips pressed together and the anger returned to her eyes.

“I’m not some schmutz you can trick. I know someone like you wouldn’t be interested in me but you could have pretended not to be disgusted after kissing me. You should have just said no,” she said.

“I wasn’t disgusted,” you said, “I’m not disgusted at all.”

“Then what’s going on? You couldn’t get away from me fast enough. You wouldn’t even look at me afterwards.”

She crossed her arms, glaring at you, waiting for your answer. There were no words, nothing you could say that would explain your behaviour. Running off had done the exact opposite of what you’d been hoping. There was no way she wasn’t going to figure out that you had to leave or else you might do something stupid like kiss her again.

“You got nothing to say?” she demanded.

You silently shook your head. Her nostrils flared, staring at you hard enough to crush your lungs. You opened your mouth but nothing came out. She scoffed, storming past you, her shoulder slamming into yours. All you could do was watch her retreating back before it hit you why your car keys hadn’t been in your bag.

“Shit,” you muttered to yourself.

You chased after Melissa, doing your best to ignore the way the denim of her jeans clung to the shape of her ass. She was doing her angry walk and you were terrified to make your request to her.

“Melissa,” you said, gently touching her shoulder as you caught up to her.

“What?” she snarled, turning on you.

“You’re my ride,” you said, doing your best not to cower under her glare.

“You can find some other way to get home,” she snapped.

“Mel, please,” you said.

“Don’t call me that,” she said, taking a step away from you.

You hadn’t meant for the nickname to slip from your lips. You hadn’t ever called her that in real life. In your head, sure, but to her face was a whole other matter. Being too familiar with her was the first step down a road that terrified you.

All those months working at Abbott and you’d found yourself slipping, letting more and more of your guard down around her. It was impossible not to. You were drawn to her. Her eyes would sparkle and she’d smile at you and you were a goner.

“Sorry, I just… Please. I’m sorry. I reacted badly and I didn’t mean to. But it’s not about you. I promise,” you said.

“Then what is it about?” she demanded.

“It’s… hard to explain,” you replied, curling your arms around your body, hoping to hold yourself together.

“Try.” Her voice brooked no argument. It was either saying something or lose her forever.

“Fine but… promise me this isn’t going to change things between us. It’s my problem to fix. I don’t want you to hate me,” you said, anxiety curdling in your stomach.

“What’s going on?” she asked.

You took a deep breath, arms tightening around your body until you could feel the squeeze. She was watching you intently. You couldn’t look at her, staring down at your shuffling feet.

“It’s not that I didn’t want to kiss you or that I didn’t enjoy it. In fact, it was the opposite. I like you. Like, a whole lot. And I thought after kissing you then you’d realise how much I like you which in retrospect has worked out really badly for me since now I’m telling you. But the point is, is that I’ll get over it since you clearly don’t feel the same way and nothing has to change with us and we can just forget about it. Because it’s not about you. It’s all my fault.”

Your confession tumbled clumsily from your lips, landing in a pile at your feet. You held your breath, frozen under her watchful gaze, not able to look at her properly. Your arms tightened again, digging into your ribs uncomfortably, keeping you on edge.

“What are you talking about, hon?”

A warm hand closed around your forearm, tugging it away from your body. You let her, your problem with saying no to her rearing its ugly head once again.

“It’s just a silly crush,” you said, wishing it was true, “I’ll get over it.”

“You’ll get over it? You think that’s what I want?” she asked.

“Don’t you?”

You peered up into her face, trying to figure out what it was she wanted you to say. She wasn’t quite meeting your eye, looking at something over your shoulder. Her fingers were pressing into the vulnerable skin on the underside of your arm and it was making you both breathless and on edge.

“I might not,” she replied, still being evasive.

“Okay, well, I don’t really know what you want now,” you said.

You didn’t like the way uncertainty stuck to you. You tried to tug out of her hold but she only held on tighter.

“Mel,” you said, “what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to tell you something,” she replied, “just give me a second.”

You waited, the anxiety in you creeping up. You’d basically exposed your hand to her and she was leaving you to stew in it. The silence was deafening, a pressure pushing against you until you wanted to curl into a ball and hide. The longer it drew on, the more you wanted to pull away from her.

Not if this was just about her rejecting you.

“Look, Mel, I-“

You were cut off as her lips pressed to yours again. Freezing, a million thoughts ran through your head, the loudest of which was that whatever was happening was some kind of prank or delusion. The hand on your arm pulled you closer until you felt her warmth seeping into your body.

“Mel,” you mumbled against her lips.

She drew back from you, hurt flashing over her face before anger replaced it, a mask to cover her vulnerability. You weren’t sure what to do, if you should reach out to her or not. Your indecision seemed to seal the deal for her. She grabbed her hand back, drawing away from you.

“No, wait,” you said, grabbing her, “I don’t understand.”

“I like you too, hon,” burst from her lips, the anger and the hurt mingling until it was like a spear she was throwing at you.

But it landed like a caress against your skin.

“You like me too?” you asked, not quite able to believe it.

“I asked you to spend time with me on a weekend,” she answered as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Was this a date and I didn’t realise?” you asked.

“Hon, you’ll know when I take you on a date,” she replied.

“So you wanted to kiss me then? You don’t care that I like you?” You needed to be sure.

“I care that you like me a whole lot, hon,” she said, “just not for the reasons you think. I want you to like me. I just didn’t think you did.”

“But you kissed me,” you protested.

“For the kiss cam. Those chumps in there boo anyone who doesn’t kiss. I thought a quick one would be better than that,” she replied.

“You brought your tongue into it,” you accused her.

“Yeah, because you’re hot and I thought you might like it. And if you liked it maybe you’d say yes to going out some time,” she said with a small shrug. You felt your lips tug up into a smile.

“How about you try kissing me again and we’ll see if that works,” you suggested.

Her hands were gentle as they came up to cup your cheeks. You waited, holding still until her lips brushed against yours. You lent into her, your tongue running along her lower lip in a mirror of hers earlier. Her mouth opened under yours, tongues brushing together. You moaned into her mouth, hands landing on the curve of her hips, pulling her closer.

Loud cheering startled you, a group of people bursting from the door of the stadium. You jerked back from Melissa, staring at them over your shoulder. With her hands still on your cheeks, she turned your face back towards her, laying another searing kiss on your lips.

“Come on, hon. I’ll drive you home,” she murmured against your lips.

“Or maybe you could take me out to dinner,” you said.

“I’ll think about it,” she said but she was smiling at you with a twinkle in her eye.

Her fingers threaded through yours, tugging you towards her car. There was a bounce in your step as you followed, biting down on your bottom lip to try and contain your smile. You did a really bad job of it.

[bits-and-babs]

javier peña x tipsy sex 👀

-ˋˏ 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍 ˎˊ-

— pairing: Javier Peña x f!Reader

— word count: 1k

— warnings: alcohol consumption, passing mention of Escobar, oral (male receiving), exhibitionism. 18+, or else!

javier peña masterlist I| main masterlist |I follower celebration

The liquor burns your tongue when you set the latticed glass down, tastebuds prickling with the oaky spice and vanilla. Your cheeks tingle, the high points of your face warm beneath the golden lighting on the inside of the bar.

Yep. You’re edging on drunk.

The handsome DEA agent in front of you loosens another button on his shirt. It’s maroon, and his tan stands out like honey against the rich fabric. Javi watches you over the rim of the glass as he takes another sip of the amber liquid.

“… Do you think we’ll get him?” You whisper, your voice sounding breathy to your own ears- pitchy. A whole day of tailing Escobar to result in nothing had left you feeling flayed. Vulnerable.

Javier raises a slight eyebrow at you, looking at you with a pointed expression. He doesn’t need to say anything. ‘We have to’.

Your eyes slip down his face, unable to hold his inscrutable gaze. Instead, you follow the curve of his moustache, the way it frames his plush lips. His pointed chin, the column of his neck and the chords that stand pronounced against the thin skin splayed across them.

His open collar exposes his clavicle. It glistens under the low lighting, his sweat sparking a thirst that even copious amounts of alcohol couldn’t whet. It’s like you’re an addict, keening for something you know you shouldn’t have- that was dangerous. But every atom, every molecule, from your neurons to your electrons, screams with need.

You could cry. Javier is practically bursting out of those ridiculously tight jeans. The denim clings to him like a candy wrapper, disguising the sweet beneath yet sticking to its form and teasing you with the view of the delicious insides. He drags his palms over his thighs, and your eyes catch the outline of his half-hard cock when he shifts his hips in the wooden seat he occupies.

Impulse pushes you forward, but Javi is out of his seat first. His strong hand wraps around your wrist, his skin hot and clammy to the touch as he drags you across the bar floor. It’s a daze, the flash of the patrons as they dance or lament at their table over their work, love, secret lives.

Then the door to the bathroom is swinging open, and Javier pulls you inside with little ceremony. He closes the door, spinning you on your heel and pressing his back against the wood to hold the single cubicle entrance closed.

“Hermosa,” he whispers, and it’s almost as though he’s scolding you when he takes hold of your chin in those pretty hands of his, “Stop looking at me with those eyes.”

You swallow thickly, opening your mouth to question. Do you dare? ‘What eyes?’

Javier crushes your lips with his own, yanking your head forward and pressing his lips to yours in a hungry, deft kiss that steals your breath. It’s like feeding a flame oxygen, your arousal blooming through your body and burning hot beneath the stretch of your skin.

A groan leaks from his lips when you taste them with your tongue, savouring the flavour of nicotine and menthol that clings to them. Your hands slip down the front of his body, enjoying the hot waves of pleasure that roll off him when you take his belt into your hands. You undo it quickly, nose bumping his as you trace your tongue over his own. That vanilla spice is back, whiskey coating the inside of his mouth.

Opening his belt, you undo the button that clasps the front of those ridiculous jeans together. You feel his hands leave your waist to offer the same, but you dip to your knees on the tiled bathroom floor. It’s grotty, but the look of complete awe on the office playboy’s face is enough to compensate for you wanting to burn your jeans at the end of this.

“Hermosa-“

Pulling his jeans over his hips, your ears are shocked by the distress in the moan that leaks from your lips. He’s bare beneath the denim, ruddy cock springing free without the confines of boxers. Your mouth waters, looking up at Javi through your lashes as you scrape your nails over the peaks of his hip bones.

God, you take him in your tongue and just hold him there for a minute. The natural, musky scent of him tips you off that ledge, intoxicating you. Javi sighs when the velvet skin of him hits your palate. He sweeps his fingers over the top of your head, kind enough to note it might not be best to push your head onto him, given your inebriated state.

“So fucking pretty, Hermosa. Mhmm?” He whispers softly, his expression so sensual that it arcs up your spine in a blissful buzz that makes you swallow him down, taking him into your mouth and wrapping your lips around him.

He chokes out when the warmth of your mouth envelops him, hand curling into a fist when he rests his forearm against his head. A vein pulses on top of your tongue, salty precum cutting through the sweetness of your whiskeys aftertaste.

You bob your head slowly, tracing the ridges and the head, covering the silky skin with your spit and his own precum. Javi tilts his head back, the crown of his head knocking against the wood with a quiet ‘thud’.

“Hoh- oh shit, that’s so fucking good,” he mumbles, upper lip pulling upwards in a slight snarl as you swallow around him, his eyes rolling back. “Hnnngg, that’s right Baby, taking me so good.”

The praise melts in your stomach, bleeds through your nerve endings and sets them alight all at once- petrol on an already raging fire.

A knock on the door of the bathroom startles neither of you. Instead, you sink your mouth further onto Javier’s cock, his groan of your name even louder when your nose brushes his pubic bone.

“Fu-uuuck, Hermosa. That’s it. That’s it Baby- Hgnn-“

END

[chemblrish]

Subatomic particles from a chemist's point of view - part I: the electron

This proposition actually came second in my poll, but it still had quite a lot of votes + I really wanted to write it, so here it is. Initially, I was going to make a single post, but when I finished writing the part about the electron I thought it was getting a tad long. I decided splitting this post might make it easier to digest :)

Peeking inside the atom

What is a subatomic particle? As the name hints, it’s any particle smaller than an atom. This means that electrons, protons, and neutrons all fall into this category. Protons and neutrons are made of quarks and there are also many different subatomic particles that the relentless researchers of CERN keep on cooking up, but I’m not going to talk about them because do I look like a physicist to you? Let them get excited (and despaired) about the wild assortment of the little guys making up the Standard Model. I’ll stick to the particles that chemistry finds especially important: electrons, protons, and neutrons.

Electron

Ah yes, chemistry’s specialest guy, the rockstar of this science: the electron. Arguably the most important particle for chemistry. If you’ve taken high school science then I don’t need to explain why that’s so, but just in case you actually slept through those classes (shame on you) I have one word for you: bonds. Okay, maybe two words will work better here: chemical bonds.

Chemical bonds

Atoms bind together to make the gaseous oxygen we breathe, the sucrose that dissolves in our coffee and the caffeine in said coffee, the proteins that build your body, and the ibuprofen we all worship using electrons. In fact, if chemistry is the study of matter and the reactions and changes it can undergo, then there is no chemistry without electrons. Chemistry exists because electrons do what they do.

So what do they do? Again, even if you never went any further than high school science classes, you probably remember that atoms are made up of shells (sort of like an onion or an ogre only it’s a stupidly complicated onion) with a nucleus in the middle. Those shells are made up of subshells and subshells are made up of orbitals. Phew. Within shells sit the electrons, but it’s the outermost ones that make chemists all excited (or despaired), because they’re the ones taking part in chemical reactions and forming chemical bonds. We call them valence electrons.

Valence electrons can do all sorts of things to make atoms form molecules. The valence electrons of two separate atoms can bind them together by mixing their orbitals and then sitting there in the single smoothie of the new orbital, now shared by both of the atoms. This process is called hybridization and the bond that’s formed here is called the covalent bond.

Actually, you get two new orbitals or rather as many as there were before this mixing and shuffling. Hybridization is a relatively difficult concept for newbies though, so don’t worry about that.

However, some atoms are greedy and they aren’t willing to share their electrons with anyone. They can form chemical bonds by stealing other atoms’ electrons and turning into ions: and thus turning those other – more generous – atoms into ions as well. This we call the ionic bond. There’s a third option too, chosen readily by metals because metals are commies: the metallic bond. Atoms forming this kind of bond stick together thanks to an electron “cloud” made up of the valence electrons of all those atoms, permeating the lattice this creates and conducting electricity (because they’re called electrons for a reason, right?).

Properties of the electron

Charge: negative one elementary electric charge, AKA -1.602×10^(−19) C (thank you Mr. Millikan).

Mass: 9.109 ×10^(−31) kg (uwu).

Radius: are you out of your mind?

I mean. Theoretical / particle physicists are very much concerned with figuring out the radius of the electron. Good for them! But it doesn’t matter here.

Look. There’s a handful of things that they drill into your head during a chemistry degree: no food in the lab; safety goggles on or I’ll fucking kill you; you only get to keep your dignity until you splash yourself with acid; there is no god, there is only Atkins; everything is a model; and finally – THE ELECTRON IS NOT JUST A PARTICLE OKAY it’s not a teeny tiny marble orbiting the nucleus going wheee!, it’s a quantum bastard that interferes with itself like a wave, then shoots across the apparatus you thought was clever like a particle once you set a trap, it’s an indecisive, secretive, sly asshole that makes chemistry, at its very core, a quantum nightmare of inhuman integrals, spheres, and some donut-shaped absurdities in the place of the onion-like atom model you know from school, I mean look at this thing for god’s sake

Anyway.

We don’t know the exact radius of the electron. Estimates have been made but no final answer. Why? Please ask a physicist. Your resident tumblr chemist signing off for now.

[dayasusays]

“the big bang”

bruce wayne x reader

words : 757

tw / cw : fluff

for better experience :

bruce is alone again, and he believes that the world has absolutely no meaning because many meaningful things are empty, and no one can do anything about it. every law of math or physics is meaningless and wayne understands this better than anyone, but somehow these laws continue to exist within this world. and no one can do anything about it. and all of this is absolute chaos that no one can control, so bruce just accepted it, even if not right away. and finally let it go until he met you.

when wayne wakes up early in the morning to go to work and sees your sleepy face, his brain goes into absolute chaos as he tries to string his words and emotions together. because bruce had always been so far removed from this chaos. he truly hated it; anything that fell into chaos was wrong, it wasn't supposed to be like this. someone like wayne should never have chaos. not in his head, not in his mansion, not in his cave, not anywhere. but his chaos was you.

you came into his life in a chaotic way, he didn't expect to meet someone like you, because you are chaos.

and this chaos has never been so pleasant for him, because when he wakes up at night after another nightmare, you were there. you soothed him with your mere presence, but your palms, which hold bruce's face, soothe him in a couple of seconds. and your gentle kisses will always be a total mess for him because what he feels when you kiss him is indescribable. in english, in language in the world can describe all his feelings at such moments. he just can't.

you are the best chaos that wayne could ever dream of. his body seemed to disintegrate into atoms even when you said yes to his awkward question about kissing you. when you yourself reached out to him, closing your eyes, his heart was sure to skip more than one beat because you were so beautiful, god, how amazing you looked…

“bruce,” you whisper, and at the realization of how his name sounds from your lips, he would swear that this is what a big bang felt like. when from a small point a whole universe appears, with everything in it. wayne knows he's head over heels in love, and his chest feels warm at the sound of your voice saying his name.

you chuckle, squeezing the man's palm and twirling the silver ring on his finger. you press your free hand against his bare chest, as if trying to suppress a big explosion somewhere near his ribs, and you're not doing a very good job, if he's being completely honest, because his heart starts beating even faster.

“bruce,” you call again a little softer than before, and there is no more question in his mind. no more anxious “what if…”, no more puzzled “why”. nothing.

nothing but the infinite love he has for you.

“yes, love?” after a second's silence, wayne answers as you chuckle softly. and your laugh is something he would give his life for. and you just smile at him, leaving a tender kiss on the corner of his lips. “chaos and love,” bruce thinks, “that's you.”

calm walks before a thunderstorm hits, that's you. strands of hair sticking to your face after showering together, you. your palms on his chest trying to soothe his big bang under his ribs, you.

“it's you,” wayne concludes, “the big bang is you.” and inside bruce is absolutely the same chaos caused by you.

but now it's not a bad thing, because it's you. because you're the cause of everything that happens to bruce, and he can never call it a bad thing, because you're his chaos. you're causing all those feelings under his ribs and in the center of his chest.

chaos in the form of you is colorful fireworks on his eyelids every time he squeezes his eyes shut, scattered patterns and flowers under his skin and somewhere in the subcortex of his brain.

and he loves your chaos so infinitely. his chaos. your shared chaos.

but it still doesn't mean anything because the world doesn't make any sense. so wayne will bring his meaning here in the form of you.

“is something wrong?” you look into the eyes opposite and raise your eyebrows in puzzlement, “what are you thinking about?”

“nothing,” wayne shrugged, “just come here,” he opened his arms and waited for you to fall into his embrace.

[radioactiveradley]

By popular (???) request, based on the outcome of this poll.

A WARNING: you guys really did pick the most complex one. This is loooooong. A DISCLAIMER. This is a silly little lesson aimed at folks who know sod-all about MRI. There are memes. There is (arguably) overuse of the term ‘big chungus’. If you are looking to delve deeper into the mysteries of K-Space, this is not the Tumblr post for you.

So, without further ado...

Today I am introducing you to my one true love. The legend. The icon.

Ferromagnetic material loves him. Claustrophobic people fear him.

Yeah, that’s right – we’re talking about the big boom-boom sexyboy magnet machine, hereby known as Big Chungus.

Aka...

MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING

First off, though? Let’s start small.

Very, very small.

Meet HYDROGEN.

The nucleus of this element is made up of a single proton, which has a magnetic dipole – i.e., it acts like a tiny bar magnet.

Hydrogen is also a component of water. As we all know, we’re basically walking sacks of goop – meaning that Hydrogen is abundant throughout our bodies.

Therefore, when we stick you in a strong magnetic field… say, within our friend Big Chungus… we can manipulate all those tiny Hydrogen atoms in a variety of fun ways.

Under normal conditions, all your Hydrogen protons are pointing every-which-way.

But in Big Chungus, there is a strong longitudinal magnetic field that travels along the Z-axis of the machine. So, all your teeny tiny Hydrogen protons swivel to align with that field!

If a proton’s energy is LOWER than that of the longitudinal magnetic field (a majority), they will align PARALLEL with the field. If their energy is HIGHER (a minority) they will align ANTI-PARALLEL.

As most of the protons align with the longitudinal magnetic field, the net magnetisation vector within the human body is also longitudinal! This is called the thermodynamic equilibrium – the resting state for all those li’l protons when your body is within Big Chungus.

(You won’t feel any different, btw! We’re flipping a bunch of teeny-tiny bits inside you, but you won’t feel a thing!) (You might do later, when we activate the Gradient coils. We’ll….. get to that)

But, while all of this is very cool, it gives us no actual information. We gotta play some more with your protons - which brings us to arguably the most important concept in MRI. I mean, it’s literally in the name!

Let’s go back to our Hydrogen protons.

We’ve established that they’re all pointing in different directions. But they’re not just sitting still. They’re spinning and wobbling all over the shop.

We call this rotational wobbly movement precession.

In their natural state, these protons all precess at different speeds. When we subject them to Big Chungus, as well as all lining up neatly with the magnetic field, they all start to precess at the same speed.

However, their magnetic North will be pointing to different points at any given moment. Imagine two clocks, both of which are ticking at the same rate, but which have been set to read different times.

This is where magnetic resonance comes in.

In addition to the homogenous longitudinal magnetic field provided by Big Chungus, we also create an oscillating magnetic field in the transverse plane by using a radiofrequency (RF) pulse. We can tune that oscillation to the ‘resonant frequency’ of Hydrogen atoms.

Every molecule capable of resonance has its own specific frequency. We use a funky equation called the Larmor Equation to work this out, or, as I like to call it, W, BOY!!!

(The weird ‘w’ is the resonance frequency; the weird ‘Bo’ is the magnetic field strength, and the weird ‘Y’ is the gyromagnetic ratio of each particular element.)

So, we know exactly at what frequency to apply that RF pulse to your protons, to achieve resonance!

But what is resonance?

In acoustics, a ‘resonant frequency’ is the frequency an external wave needs to be applied at in order to create the maximum amplitude of vibrations within the object. Like when opera singers shatter glass with their voice! They’re singing at the resonant frequency of the glass, which makes it vibrate to the point where it compromises its structural integrity.

A similar concept applies in magnetic precession, with, uh, less destructive results. We’re not exploding anything inside of you, don’t worry!

(We do explode your innards accidentally in Ultrasound sometimes, via a different mechanism. But you’ll have to ask me more about that later. >:3)

To put it simply, magnetic resonance is the final step in getting those protons to BEHAVE. Now, the clocks have been corrected so their hands move at exactly the same time, in the same position. The protons are precessing ‘in phase’. Yay!

This creates transverse magnetisation, as the magnetic vectors of all those protons (which, remember, act as bar magnets) will swing around to point in one direction at the same time.

But the cool thing about resonance? It also allows the protons to absorb energy from the RF pulse.

(Do NOT ask me how. Do NOT. I will cry.)

And remember how the higher-energy protons flip anti-parallel to the longitudinal magnetic vector of Big Chungus, while the lower-energy protons are aligned parallel? And because we have more low-energy protons than high-energy protons, our body gains a longitudinal magnetic vector to match Big Chungus?

Zapping those protons at their resonant frequency gives 'em energy (a process known as ‘excitation’, which I love, because I get to imagine them putting little party hats on and having a rave).

So, loads of them flip anti-parallel! Enough to cancel out the net longitudinal magnetic vector of our bodies – despite the best efforts of good ol’ Chungus!

(Keep trying, Chungus. We love you.)

Our protons are as far from our happy equilibrium as they can possibly be. We’ve lost longitudinal magnetisation, and gained transverse magnetisation. Oh noooo however can we fix this ohhhh noooooo

Simple. We turn off the RF pulse.

Everything returns to that sweet, sweet thermodynamic equilibrium.

Longitudinal magnetisation is regained. I.e., the protons realign with Big Chungus’s longitudinal magnetic field, with the majority aligned parallel rather than anti-parallel.

This is called SPIN-LATTICE RELAXATION.

‘T1 time’ is the point by which 63% of longitudinal magnetisation has been regained after application of the RF pulse. A T1-weighted image shows the difference between T1 relaxation times of different tissues.

And, without that oscillating RF pulse, we lose resonance – the protons fall out of phase randomly, due to the delightful unpredictable nature of entropy, and Transverse magnetisation reduces.

This is called SPIN-SPIN RELAXATION.

Or, if we’re feeling dramatic…

‘T2 time’ is the point by which 37% of the transverse magnetisation has been lost. A T2-weighted image shows the difference between T2 relaxation times of different tissues.

(Spin-spin is objectively a hilarious phrase to say in full seriousness when surrounded by important physics-y people. However, a word to the wise: do not make a moon-moon joke. They are not on Tumblr (present company excluded). They will not understand. You will get strange looks.)

But remember how resonance lets our protons shlorp up that sweet, sweet energy from the RF pulse? Well, in order to get back to thermodynamic equilibrium and line up with Big Chungus again, they have to splort that energy back out.

This is why we stick a cage over the body part we’re imaging. That cage isn’t a magnet, or a way of keeping you still – it’s a receiver coil.

It picks up the RF signal that’s given off by your innards as they relax from the intense work-out we just put them through. How cool is that??

The amount of time we wait between applying the RF pulse and measuring the ‘echo’ from within your body is called the ‘ECHO TIME’, or ‘TE’ (because we didn’t want to call it ET).

(yes, we’re cowards. Sorry.)

We also have ‘REPETITION TIME’ or ‘TR’ – the amount of time we leave between RF pulses! This determines how much longitudinal magnetisation can recover between each pulse.

By manipulating TE and TR, we can alter the contrast (i.e., the blacks and whites) on our image.

Areas of high received signal (hyperintense) are shown as white, while areas of low received signal (hypointense) are shown as black. Different sorts of tissue will have different ratios of Hydrogen-to-other-shit, and different densities of Hydrogen-and-other-shit – ergo, some tissue blasts out all of its stored energy SUPER QUICK. Others give it off slower.

A T1-weighted image has a short TR and TE time.

Fat realigns its longitudinal magnetisation with Big Chungus SUPER QUICK. This means, on a T1-weighted image, it looks hyperintense. However, water realigns its longitudinal magnetisation with Big Chungus slooooowly. Therefore, on a T1-weighted image, fluid looks hypointense! Ya see?

A T2-weighted image has a long TR and TE time.

The precession of protons in fat decays relatively slow, so it will look quite bright on a T2-scan. But water decays slower, and therefore, by the time we take the T2 image, fluids within the body will be giving off comparatively ‘more’ signal than fat – meaning they’ll appear more hyperintense!

If we have a substance with intrinsically long T1 and T2 values, it will appear dark on a T1-weighted image and bright on a T2-weighted image, and the same in reverse. If a substance has a short T1 value and a long T2 value, it will appear relatively ‘bright’ on both T1 and T2-weighted images – i.e., fat and intervertebral discs.

As every tissue has its own distinct T1 and T2 property… we can work out precisely what sort of tissue we’re looking at.

When we build in all our additional sequences, this becomes even clearer! This is why your MRI scan takes sooooo long – we’re running SO MANY sequences, manipulating TR and TE to determine the exact T1 and T2 properties of various tissues within your bod.

There is, however, a problem.

The RF signal given off by each proton doesn’t shoot out in a handy-dandy straight line. Meaning, we have no idea where the signal is coming from within your body.

Enter our lord and saviour:

THE GRADIENT COILS.

(Shim coils are also very important – they maintain field homogeneity across the whole of Big Chungus. While Big Chungus wouldn’t need them in a perfect theoretical scenario… reality ain’t that. Big Chungus’s magnetic field is all wibbly-wobbly, so we use Shims to keep everything smooth! That’s all you need to know about them. BACK TO THE GRADIENTS.)

There are three of them, wrapping around each of the three planes of your body. When these activate, they cause those epicly eerie booming noises, characteristic of a Big Chungus ExperienceTM.

The Gradient coils are also what causes those weird tingling sensations you get in an MRI machine – which, don’t worry, aren’t permanent! Your nerves just go ‘WOAHG. THASSALOT OF MAGNET SHIT. HM. DON’T LIKE THAT.’ But they’ll calm down again once you’re freed from Big Chungus.

The gradient coils cause constant fluctuations in the magnetic field across all three dimensions. They activate sequentially, isolating one chunk of your body after the next.

As these fluctuations cause variation within the signal received, we can look at how much THAT particular signal, received at THAT particular number of milliseconds after an RF pulse, varied when THAT particular gradient was activated, in comparison to when THAT OTHER gradient was activated.

For every single bit of signal output.

That gives us A WHOLE LOTTA DATA.

^ imagine this, but the cupboard contents is just. data.

Way too much data, in fact, for our puny human brains to comprehend – so obviously, we feed it to an algorithm.

K-space is a funky computational matrix where all this info gets compiled during data acquisition. Once we’ve finished the scan sequence and have all that yummy raw data, it can be mathematically processed to create a final image!

Just like that. Simple, right?

TL;DR

You are full of Hydrogen.

Hydrogen nuclei (protons) are basically tiny magnets

These tiny magnets are orientated completely randomly, with ‘North’ pointing in all directions

We stick billions of these tiny magnets (i.e., you) into a mahoosive magnet (i.e., Big Chungus)

All the tiny magnets flip around to align with the longitudinal magnetic field of Big Chungus

High energy protons = antiparallel Low energy protons = parallel

As you have more low energy protons than high energy protons in your body, the net magnetic vector of your body is longitudinal – just like Big Chungus!

All your protons are spinning and wobbling (precessing) at random rates

We use an RF pulse, tuned to the Resonance Frequency of Hydrogen, to make ‘em precess in phase (wobble at the same time, all pointing in the same direction at once). This creates a Transverse magnetic vector.

This in-phase precession is ‘Magnetic Resonance’

Magnetic Resonance means the protons can absorb energy from the RF pulse

Now there are more high energy protons within your body! They flip antiparallel, and the net longitudinal magnetic vector of your body decreases.

We measure the time it takes for the high-energy protons to release that energy and return to alignment with the net magnetic vector of Big Chungus (Spin-Lattice Relaxation / T1 recovery)

And the time it takes for the precessing-in-phase protons to Quit That Nonsense and all start wobbling in random directions again (Spin-Spin Decay / T2 recovery)

Each tissue within your body has a different composition & density of Hydrogen atoms – which means each tissue within your body has a unique T1 & T2 recovery time

By measuring the signal at different times (TE) and by varying the frequency with which we apply RF pulses (TR), we ‘take pictures’ that show variations in the amount of signal these tissues are giving off. The signal is caught by the large radiofrequency receiver coils we put over you when you enter the machine.

Because the signal given off during recovery/decay blasts out in all directions, we don’t know exactly where it originated within your body.

Gradient coils are arranged across X, Y, and Z axes throughout the gantry of Big Chungus. They cause tiny fluctuations in the magnetic field, in sequential chunks throughout space. This is the booming noise you hear when you’re in the machine.

These tiny fluctuations cause variations in the signal we receive, depending on how close the signal is to the activated gradient coil. All this data is compiled in a magical computational matrix called K-space. A funky algorithm then decodes those variations and couples them up with the strength of the signal to give us 1) How much signal is being blasted out at that particular moment 2) Where exactly that signal comes from within your body, according to the 3D map produced by the gradient coils

It then represents these values with a pretty picture!

Tl;dr tl;dr:

[astarionancuntnin]

Die For You (Epilogue)

summary: a year after their confrontation with the corrupted lords, a fleeting thought crosses astarion's mind as he watches you admiring the crack of dawn.

rating: E

word count: 4.5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: 18+. time skip, fluff (in my angsty fanfic? its more likely than you think!), emotional smut. full list on ao3

a/n: gods, what a ride! this was my very first long fic, and im very happy with how it turned out, considering i had NO idea how this would end up when i first started it! this ending was one of three, based on the poll yall have taken on the second chapter. i hope it lives up to your expectations and im looking forward to all the feedback! this is not my only work, if you wanna be tagged on my other works, feel free to let me know and ill add you to the tag list. thank you all for sticking along! <3

Masterlist

previous chapter

read on ao3

or keep reading down below~

You're part of the dawn where the light comes from the dark

You're a part of the morning and everything matters

And we are, an atom and a star

You're a part of the movement and everything matters

-

It has been a year since your transformation. A year since you officially died and came back as Astarion’s dark consort; his bride, his eternal love. Since the incident with the corrupted nobles, you’ve only grown stronger, as much as a vampire – and he couldn’t be more proud of you – than as a couple.

Your return among his court was gradual. You were reluctant at first: the lingering fear from the dreadful soiree you experienced still affected you, so Astarion let you watch from the shadows; he would never force you to do something you didn't want to. It's only after two more months that you asked if you could attend, and only if you could stay by his side; your social anxiety wouldn't let you be alone in a room with so many strangers without feeling as if you were asphyxiated. He was beyond thrilled by your request, as he wanted nothing more than to introduce the whole world to his beloved.

It took some more time, but you found yourself joining in on discussions with lords about the state of the city and its economic state. Your teachings were buried deep in your memory, but you retained the most important parts of them, using those to show your knowledge and bring forward ideas to save the city from its downfall following the mindflayer attack. To your surprise, you found yourself right at your place within the high society; it was in your blood after all, and what was the point of running from it when you were clearly a natural? You found out that it was never your title that you dreaded, but rather the association to your parents and contributing to their schemes — something you were glad to not be a part of anymore.

The change was almost seamless: one day you were attached to Astarion's arm, never leaving his side, and the next, you were strolling through the crowd, knowing everyone's name, their occupation, and how influential they were. While Astarion was able to persuade more nobles to ally with him, you’ve been very successful at swaying people to your advantage, using your charms and wits to redirect power from the right people for the good of the city; together, you’re considered the strongest couple in Baldur’s Gate.

You proved yourself countless times, and he was always delighted to present you as his partner.

His equal.

After yet another successful night of dancing and socialising, one where you had convinced a neighbouring lord to fund an orphanage for the children who had lost their parents in the attack, you met up with your lover in your chambers to celebrate the news. In truth, everything you accomplished was a great reason to celebrate.

To see you act with the might of a Lady, smart and witty, and use every tool you had to your advantage made him swoon over you, and one of the best ways to express it was to worship you in bed, spending hours and hours devoting himself to you.

It’s something you thought you would struggle with — the intimacy after the violence you had endured — but you found yourself easily melting in his embrace once you were back at the palace. Just like that first night you spent together and he had let you guide that dance; upon your return, he let you take control until you were the one asking for him to take you however and wherever he wanted, how you grew to crave his touch, the look in his eyes when a sinful thought was shared across your connection, and the faint blush you could spy on cheeks and ears as he painted his vision of you via your bond. The endless teasing throughout the evening sure made the meetings more interesting, and less dreadful, if you had to admit it.

After a great season of events, Astarion cancelled all his meetings for the next tenday to devote his attention to you, and you only. No one was to disturb either of you unless they had a death wish.

And the night of that last meeting, any restraints had broken down, when you almost threw yourself at each other as soon as your last visitor had left the palace. It started out in the hallways, but you were quickly brought into his room to have the privacy you required. You spent the remainder of the night in bed, switching from making love to cuddling, until you were back to straddle him for more; unable to leave the other’s side or even spend a second without your bodies touching.

He kissed each and every part of your body, showing his devotion to you in such a delicate manner that turned you to putty in his hands, embracing away any pain your body had gone through. This past year, he had been the most attentive lover; always in the moment with you, making sure that your eyes met as his hips collided with yours, sharing the same breath that united you both, body and soul. As your bodies fused and you both came undone, you could sense the love, the utter adoration he had for you. Both of you grounded the other and reminded each other that you were not the result of your past; only you chose what to make of it.

There was no one else in the world who could understand you better than each other.

It’s only when you noticed dawn approaching as you nuzzled into his chest, that you realised how long you had been indulging in the other. You chuckled and commented on how you both could use some sleep, since if one of you was tired, the other would be too, and really, how impractical it would be to have you both incapacitated at once.

He took a look at you as he lazily caressed your hair and that’s when he was reminded of the one thing that had been on his mind these last few months. The one thing he dreaded, but couldn’t avoid anymore.

“There is a way, you know…” he said, his voice soft. “To sever the bond. Between creator and consort.” He pauses as you lift your head, frowning as you meet his gaze, and for a second he doubts if he should carry on, but quickly pushes the doubts aside; you deserved to know. To have a chance to decide for yourself, without any ultimatum.

“It is mostly painless,” he continued, “You would remain as you are, a full fledged vampire, but we wouldn’t share our connection anymore; no more mental discussion, no more shared sensations.” You looked at him with a thousand questions in your eyes, as this was the last thing you expected this morning. “I am willing to go through the procedure for you, should you desire it.”

You remained silent through your blinking, until you finally found the words that fought to get out. “You would… really do that?”

This proposition felt so unlike the Astarion who once had you chained up in his dungeons, something that he had agreed had been, and you quote, ‘impolite’, since you last spoke about it. He didn’t regret it — you wouldn’t be in his arms otherwise — but he supposed there could’ve been a better way to talk to you at the reunion.

“As much as I want to keep you all to myself, I can’t bring myself to keep you bound to me after what you’ve been through. It… wouldn’t be fair for me to make that decision for you. I want you to have the chance to make the choice yourself.”

You scanned his expression, and although you saw the sincerity, you also sensed grief. Breaking your bond would sever any type of connection between you both. A part of you would die along with it, and you would lose the possibility of lingering in each other's mind. Even though you understood his intentions, it didn’t make sense for him to propose this when he finally had you to himself. Against your best judgement, you peeked into his mind, searching for an explanation, and what you found completely shattered you.

By offering this to you, Astarion understood that there was a chance you might just… leave. With nothing holding you back, linking you to him, he thought you had no reason to stay. That the sole reason keeping you here was this bond, and even with how close you had become, how much you had grown together in your relationship, how utterly in love you were — in that moment, under all the false confidence, you saw right through him; he was convinced that once the bond was broken, you would leave. Run away from this mess that had been life at his side, and find someone who truly deserved you, saw you for your worth. That you could only degrade yourself if you stayed after what he had put you through. He didn’t believe for a second that you would continue to put up with this life if you had the choice, and yet, here he was proposing it to you, offering you this way out.

You gave him a soft smile, a reassuring one that you hoped carried the intention you had.

“I… would like that.” He nodded, understanding that this was a possibility, and he hoped you would take this opportunity, if only for your own sake, but it didn't hurt any less. “But I do have a condition.”

He smiled sadly, his features softening at hearing you bargaining, a bittersweet reminder of how all of this started. “Anything for you, my dear.”

It’s the warmth of the sun’s embrace that stirs Astarion awake this morning. Gods, he will never tire of it. If only for this reason, his ascension was well worth it, and no one will ever convince him otherwise.

You let your minds connect, telling him your request through your bond, and when you saw the light sparkle in his ruby eyes and his face light up, you knew there was nothing in the world he would like more.

-

That, and seeing his reflection again. He's lost count of the times he spent admiring himself; pausing at every mirror he had meticulously installed around the palace, stealing glances at his reflection, and lingering at the colour of his deep ruby eyes. Those same eyes that had sealed the fate of so many unfortunate souls; these deadly, beautiful weapons, that keep helping him charm the right people. How he went two hundred years without enjoying the sight of himself has him completely astounded. Needless to say, this was an issue no more, and long gone were the days of misery; Nearly two years later, he had everything he ever wanted, at long last.

Everything, and yet his most prized possession remained this little human fighter turned bride.

Really, the only person he ever truly wanted, that he ever loved, even. A feeling that had felt most foreign once upon a time. He never thought he could experience such a strong emotion, something that was forbidden to him just over three years ago — something he would’ve considered a weakness — turned into his greatest strength. A feeling that overwhelmed him to the point where he couldn’t restrain himself from physically expressing it; taking his dark consort in every room, every surface of the palace, until they were both panting, eyes half-lidded and lost in one another. That same feeling that would now have him chanting out her name all night long as he devoted himself to her; her body, her pleasure, her desire for him. How utterly blessed he was to have her just as enamoured for him as he was for her.

As he finally awakens from his reverie, he quickly picks up on the empty spot next to him. Curious, he thinks, she was never the early bird. When he lifts himself on his elbows, that's when he sees her on his balcony, and he takes the time to admire her; his consort, his love, still by his side through it all, blessed by the rising sun’s warmth. It took over a year more after their engagement, as Astarion couldn’t believe her decision to stay, but he finally got over the fear of losing her. After everything that had happened, and the opportunity she was given, she chose to stay and have a life with him. After everything, she still loved him just as deeply, and that day at the altar, she promised to spend the rest of her undead life showing him just how much she did love him.

Content with the sight of her, he finally gets up to join her on the balcony, without bothering to dress up. He sneaks up on her, snuggling her from behind, his hands wrapping around her waist, while he leaves playful kisses along her neck and shoulder to greet her.

“Mmmh, hello my treasure,” he murmurs in the crook of her neck. “Can’t sleep?”

“I was just admiring the sun,” she hums. “It’s funny, I never really bothered to appreciate it until I thought I could never be under its light,” she takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes, taking in the warmth she was basking in. “I never quite realised how beautiful this world is.”

She sighs in his embrace, but it's almost a moan, as she pushes back against him for more contact, “I didn’t think I would disturb you from your precious beauty sleep.”

He can hear her smile through her mumbling, and he smiles in return, “It’s your sleep I’m rather worried about dear.” His kisses linger on her neck, over the bite marks he birthed upon her skin an eternity ago. “And I think you should join me back in bed to remedy it.”

She laughs, “I’m not sure your idea of rest coincides with mine,” she turns around to face him and rests her hands on his bare chest. “Actually, I rather believe you will wear me out more than anything.”

He smirks as he presses her against the edge of the balcony, lifting her nightgown up before propping her up to rest atop it, guiding her legs to wrap around him. “Do you really think so little of me? That I would drag you to bed only to satisfy my carnal desires?”

“Well,” she rolls her eyes as she smiles, “you haven’t given me a reason that proves you would do otherwise.”

She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and in the same movement, he wraps his arms around her waist and leans into the nape of her neck, resuming his sweet attention. When his smile widens, he feels the creases in his cheeks, depicting the countless moments of happiness she brought him since she has blessed him with her company.

“I assure you, my love, my intentions were most pure,” he purrs.

She tilts her head aside, offering him more liberties with her neck. “Were they now? Well, if you say so, then I’m sure I can trust you to carry me to bed where I shall resume my rest.”

“Ah, but I’m afraid the offer has expired. You see,” his finger hooks the string of her nightgown, pulling it down, “now, all I can offer,” he pulls down the other one, revealing your breasts to the morning breeze, “is a morning spent fulfilling our matrimonial duties.” “Matrimonial duties?” She exclaims ironically. “What unholy thoughts have you got in mind, I wonder.”

“I could show you, if you would indulge me,” his kisses over her skin become sloppy, his teeth softly grazing her skin while his tongue leaves a faint trail of saliva from her shoulder up to her ear, playfully nibbling it, while one hand reaches for her breast and the other finds its way in the heat between her legs.

“Ah– Astarion…” Her playful tone is replaced by soft moans as he takes a salacious pleasure in touching her in her most sensitive spots.

“What’s that, dear?” His fingers slide against her folds, not yet daring to dip further.

She groans, “You are incorrigible.”

“And yet, I don’t hear you asking me to stop,” he pinches her nipple between his fingers with the hand massaging her generous chest, while his other hand brushes over her clit, lingering near her entrance but intentionally avoiding it. As he hears her ragged breath, he pulls away, cutting any contact between the two of them, and languidly sucks on his fingers to taste her wetness, while his gaze focuses on her, before releasing his fingers with a pop. He tilts his head, with a playful look in his eyes, “Unless that’s what you want?”

She looks at him with lust clouding her vision, barely containing herself, “If you intend on teasing me, my lord, I hope you know what you’ve got coming for you.”

He leans back, assessing the vision of his consort completely lost in her need for him, with a salacious smile tugging at his lips, “My, my, is my little love threatening me?”

“Oh no,” her hands sneak into his hair to grab a handful of it before lightly pulling back and leaning into his ear, murmuring, “This is a promise.”

She lets go of his hair, leaving her hands wandering, and when their eyes meet again, they are darkened by their shared passion for each other. His voice comes out deeper, as he closes the distance between them, their lips now but a whisper apart.

“Then I believe I should make haste to tend to your needs, my lady.”

Their lips finally meet into a passionate kiss, the tenderness of it even surprising Astarion — considering the eager tone she had previously used — but he melts into it, pouring all of his longing into the kiss, just as she does when her hands pull back to hold his face closer. He picks her up from the edge of the balcony and carries her back into their room, where he lays her out on their bed and removes her nightgown, slowly unravelling her soft skin to the morning afterglow. The sight of her, bare before him — only for him; with her legs parted and inviting him in, her body bearing only the bite marks he had given her — is enough to break any restraints left in him. He couldn’t bear to tease her longer, he needed her as much as she needed him.

Licking his lips, he kneels at the end of the bed, crawling his way up to his wife. He lifts her leg over his shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses up to the apex of her thighs, until he reaches the centre of his desire. He breathes her in, the scent of her pleasure stirring something deep within him, before his tongue finds its way between her slick folds, where he finally licks her, from the bottom of her entrance right up to her clit.

She moans softly, already lost to the magic of his tongue, and that's when he lifts her thighs over his shoulders, locking her legs around him, and holding them in place to feast on his meal.

His tongue dives into her, reaching into the depth of her cunt and drinking in her nectar, the effects of it visibly affecting him, as his hardened cock throbs between his belly and the soft sheets of the bed. His hips move unconsciously, searching for a temporary relief as he moves his tongue out of her to lick his way back up, where he finds her swollen bud.

While his hand sneaks away from her thighs, into her dripping entrance, his eyes flick up to find her unravelling before him; her head thrown back, and her hands grabbing at the sheets, holding on for dear life.

“Gods, please…” she begs, her breathing failing her, and he smiles between her legs, as he pumps two fingers into her.

With a final flick of his tongue over her clit, he lifts his head up, still hitting that sweet spot inside of her, “Yes, little love?”

“I… I need you— gods, I need you.”

“You have me, my love,” he says, his voice soft like velvet. “All of me, however you wish.”

He knew what she meant, but he wanted to hear her say it. He would never tire of having her melt under his touch, coming apart under him.

“Inside me,” she whimpers as she clenches around his fingers working wonders inside of her. “Now.”

The urgency of her tone was clearly noticeable, but Astarion wants to push her further, “But I am inside you, my dear.”

She lifts herself up on her elbows, her hair completely dishevelled and her chest rising with each deep breath, staring down her husband with a mix of fury and lust. “If you don’t fuck me right this instant— Ahhh ffffuck!”

While she was talking, Astarion went back to teasing her sensitive bud and accelerating the pace of his fingers thrusting in. “Oh, I’ll fuck you alright. By the time I'm done with your delicious cunt, you’ll only see stars, my sweet.”

He could easily make her go over the edge only with his mouth and his fingers; he had done it countless times in the past already, he was well aware of his abilities, but nothing compared to the feeling of her tightening around his cock and milking him dry while he pumped every drop of his seed into her. It was his favourite way to come with her, and he took great pleasure in making her shatter in every way imaginable. They had all the time in the world to discover the many ways she would cum under his touch.

“Mmh ahh— Pleasepleaseplease Astarion, I want to feel you inside of me, I’m begging you—” Her words get lost in her throat, instead replaced by cries as she nears her climax, until—

“Ah,” Astarion pulls away completely, “but how could I deny my lovely wife when she begs so beautifully.”

Her groans turn into small cries as his teasing starts to overwhelm her, and that’s when he drops her legs down on their bed and crawls over her, aligning himself with her swollen pussy, before linking their hands together to pin her down. He leans down and stops right before kissing her, simply to push her to the limits of her patience, and when she hisses at him for being just out of reach, he shoves his cock inside of her, stilling her.

He remains unmoving, always taking his time with his first thrust to take in the feelings of her tight walls, pulsing around him. Astarion rests his forehead on hers, their eyes lost in the other, carrying the words they had learned to communicate aloud after they had broken their bond.

Carrying on with this ritual had pushed them to communicate better and work on their relationship, creating a new type of bond with the other. They had learned to understand the other’s body language so well that sometimes, a simple look was enough to communicate their exact thoughts from across the room.

His fingers dig into the mattress as he tightens his hold on her, and he resumes his languid strokes, “Focus darling. I want to see every little expression you make while I fuck you. Can you do that for me?”

She tries to nod, but his depraved speech only pushes her further and faster to her climax, as she fights to keep her eyes open and focused on him.

When he feels her cunt’s grip thighten around him, he can barely contain himself anymore, “Fuck, just like that, love,” his groans and the wet sound of their hips slapping against each other gets only louder as he accelerates the pace, nearing his own climax, “Gods, you’re so tight around me— I’m gonna fill you up to the brim, and you’re gonna take it all like the good girl you are.”

A few more thrusts is all it takes to send her over the edge, screaming out as her climax erupts through her like electricity flowing through her veins, followed quickly by Astarion who stills inside of her, shooting thick ropes of come that leak out from her, into their bedsheets. It was the least of his worries right now — he could always change them later, but they would be ruined in the following hour regardless.

They both remain panting, basking in the bliss of this aftermath, until he takes a look at their hands still intertwined. On her right hand, he spies the sparkling diamond ring adorning her finger, the public display of their unison matching his own, and he brings it to his lips for a brief kiss, before taking the time to admire it, thinking back to how it all started.

“I told you, Lady Ancunín suits you beautifully, my love.”

She smiles sweetly, eyes tired from their lovemaking, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

And he knew she spoke the truth. Their marriage didn't only solidify their relationship, but it protected her from solicitors who might've been tempted to try giving her advances after the news of Virric's death had been propagated, and by taking Astarion's last name, she was free from any remaining links to her family, a name she detached herself from completely years ago already, now legally unbinded.

She didn't even need to explain the extent of her reasoning; the second she proposed, Astarion was on his way to commission matching rings for them. Truth be told, he had wanted to make the proposal himself, but after knowing of her past with Virric, he didn’t dare bring it up first. She did give him the chance to announce the news at their next soiree, and it's the only thing he had spoken about that evening.

They would be Aeterna Amantes. Lovers forever, until the world burns down.

Gods know that he would burn the world down himself if she merely asked — not that she would ever, he knew her better than that — and she was the only one he would ever get on his knees for.

She was the goddess who finally answered his prayers that had gone unanswered all these years ago; the sun that made him feel alive once more; the brightest star that guided him throughout the night; the very reason he decided to live on, and yet, if it came to it, he knew he would die for her.

-

Pars avant l'aube

Quand la lumière veut nous voir

Quelque part dans le monde

Un oiseau s'endort sans bruit

Toi et moi

Dans la nuit on trouvera

Quelque part où déposer

Les fleurs qu'on a cueillies

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat @nyx-knox @anacdoce @jwera @annnagennnie @angeldarkness95 @marlowethebard @hellethil @frankie-mercury @ariajc79

[trashogram]

I've been seeing posts about how people would re-write Helluva/Hazbin, and it got me thinking about how I would re-write it as well. And... I have many many thoughts about all the characters and the writing 😅😅😅

But your posts and our talks have been a huge inspiration for me, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you! If you're interested ^^ of course, feel free to ignore this if it's not your cup of tea. I wish I could get into it all in one ask, but that'd be impossible. So I'll start with an easy one.

Striker and Hell's Assasins

It'd be easier if I do this in bullet points, so-

As we all know, Striker was perfect in his debut. An antagonist who does have an ego, but who also had some good points about Hell's society and great chemistry with the cast. That was until Viv blasted an atomic nuke onto his character...

I think i would keep Striker mainly the same as he was in Harvest Moon, and of course, not use him as the butt of jokes. I'd also want to flesh out deep-rooted insecurities he could have had and explore on his past, and maybe turn him into an anti-hero or lawful villain by the end of the series. I think your suggestion of his family being enslaved or killed by royalty is a great idea for his past and motives! And it explains why he lives in the mine shaft; they royals destroyed his home, and they would never look for him down there.

Which is a perfect Segway into my thoughts on how assasins work in Hell. Obviously, with it being Hell, that's probably a thriving business. However, not exactly for imps. As we are told, the only businesses an imp could hope to start on their own are related to agriculture. Otherwise, they are right alongside Hellhounds only working for others. As such, in my re-write, Blitzø and his crew and Striker are the only imp assasins in Hell, and that is a big reason on how they all have gained a reputation for themselves. Striker and I.M.P. have had to face mockery and prejudice in their rise to the top, and could become two sides of the same coin.

In my re-write, Striker would try to disguise himself in some way when he goes out on hits, if he can't snipe them from a distance like Stolas. Why? Well, Satan has heard whispers of an imp hybrid who is killing royalty. The rest of the assasins in Hell? They can all kill each other for all he cares. But his lowly creations going against the system? That is unforgivable. And that is how the wanted posters for Striker got posted everywhere. Striker's poncho and bandana would become core pieces of his design in my re-write, since those are how he conceals his identity. And his wanted posters depict a mysterious silhouette that's too fast for the camera to capture his likeness.

That's why in my Biker AU, people aren't too sure who Striker is. They know him as the showboating but hardworking farmland for hire that often disappears without much explanation, but they don't know he's a wanted assasin. And why him being an assassin is such a shock and a terrifying thing for Bella. (But on the other hand, as i type this, I realize this is a plothole; why isn't Striker trying to be cautious in town as well if Satan and possibly the goetia are after him? If you post this, I'll comment on it when I figure this out 😅 or just add it to my next ask if you'd like ^^)

And what about I.M.P.? They are notorious, yes, but they aren't wanted by the hierarchy of Hell (yet). They haven't killed any royalty, so the goetia and the sins are ok with just sweeping them under the rug. Sure, Blitzø started his business, but the system is rigged against imps already. He and his team were doomed to fail from the beginning. Makes you wonder what would have happened if Striker chose to stick with I.M.P.

I hope this covers everything? This was a more experimental/easy one I guess? But with how much of a tangled mess Vivs world is, this feels like I'm trying to comb through knots 😅 if you want to see more, I'm planning on doing asks like this for the majority of the HB cast and episodes. I'm thinking of doing Millie and Moxxie after this one.

I hope you enjoy reading these! And of course, if you have any questions, I'd love to hear it!

This 👏 is 👏 how 👏 you👏 do 👏 it 👏

You’re adding structure to Hell and building it up as a world with rules and generalized behaviors yet also adding mystery and intrigue (like Striker’s disguise and the inability to capture his likeness for the Wanted Posters) and stakes!, to the story and characters.

I love that I.M.P. and then Striker, although he’s an unknown entity to Hell’s citizens/royalty, are the only imp assassins. And of course they get written off (not including Striker) bc they’re seen as so lowly and a non-issue — until they eventually get more than just gossip across rings, inevitably.

With this, there would be momentum building up something like I.M.P. being brought before Satan and the court of Sins. It would have real weight to it, instead of being an excuse for romantic melodrama.

(I also love Striker potentially being an anti-hero! That would be fun to explore and see how it would come about, since he’s so inherently vicious.)

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

You may disagree with me but I don't think Elon is really a conservative ally. Just like Matt Walsh, he holds to many unhealthy views, he's too AI obsessed and constantly uses Autism as an excuse

I don't need him to agree with me on every issue I just need him to keep Twitter mostly free from censorship and help Trump reduce government waste.

As for AI, that Pandora's box has already been opened. AI exists. It's going to keep existing. And our enemies are developing it too. The only limits on it were power and cost. If China really did just solve both those problems, AI is going to explode exponentially. Do you see how many people already just look at the Google AI summary when they do a search and end up reading things like "put some non-toxic glue in your food to make it stick together" or use ChatGPT to do their homework for them? Imagine what happens when China wins the AI race and directly influences the algorithms that give us information that we just uncritically consume. We're lucky that we only have Google influencing its searches to promote a political party's talking points. They could do so much more damage if they wanted to. China wouldn't hold back. So yeah, I hate AI and what it's doing, and going to do, to an already Tik Tok brained generation, but much like atomic weapons, it would be stupid to fall behind our enemies in the AI arms race.

[britishchick09]

rolfe and earl in chapter 1 of 'rock-afire roadtrip'!

the last part of this was finally completed thanks to @rolfe-dewolfe-fan-page reblogging my first fic post! ;)

...

As the Rock-afire sang of becoming an atom bomb, Rolfe trudged backstage, the metallic rainbow steamers of his stage fluttering.

"What ridiculous lyrics! We're not literally an explosion!" he muttered. "Or they're not. I, the superior Rolfe de Wolfe, will have no part in this!"

"I have an advertisement on the showtape, stupid!" Earl reminded him. "And if you can't get on the stage, neither can I!"

Rolfe groaned. "How can you even think of being in this cheap propaganda? I thought you knew better than this!"

"I do… but you don't! Besides, it ain't cheap, it's free! The Colander Gazette's gonna have a picture of you in it, you know."

A wave of haughtiness passed through Rolfe. He asked, "…It does? Me? Earl, tell me… did they get my good side?"

"Nah, they got your face!" Rolfe rolled his eyes while striding to the storage room, where a big poster board attached to a stick was waiting on a table. With a marker in one hand and Earl in the other, he wrote 'D', 'O'-

"Your sign's crooked, man." Earl pointed out.

"I thought you were a supporter!" Rolfe said.

"I am! I just don't want you to look even more stupid than you already do!"

Rolfe grumbled. He used Earl's head to rotate the poster board, causing the puppet to ask, "Hey, what are you doin' man?" and a fluffy of muffled protests. Once the board was straight, Rolfe finished writing.

"'Down with Colanders'," Earl read. "Shouldn't it be 'Down with Colander Night'?"

Rolfe scoffed. "I'm not redoing the sign. Honestly, can't they think of something better to do? Something like… like…"

The wolf was quiet for a solid half minute.

"Ha! You can't even top 'em!"

"Small Appliances Night!" Rolfe exclaimed with a snap of his claws. "Yes, everyone would go to Kmart and pick up a shiny, beautiful appliance to put on their head," He gave a cocky smile. "A much better idea than some colander."

"I ain't puttin' no dishwasher on my face."

"I said small appliance."

"Meh, it's all big to me."

"Like a… a…" Rolfe lowered his head to think. "Oh, like toasters and crock pots and Mix Master blenders! It's gonna be a national movement! The president will strap a toaster to his face! We'll have national ambassadors and it's gonna be incredible! Don't you see, Earl? We're gonna have history on our hands!" He frowned as he suddenly realized, "Hmm. Well, a mixer would be a little dangerous. And a mini fridge is even stupider than a colander! But I'm not going back on the crock pot!"

"And you thought you were the smart one."

Rolfe rolled his eyes. He held up his sign, picturing the guests at Showbiz heartily agreeing with him.

'Down with Colander Night, Down with Colander Night!'.

Then multiple people would say, 'Rolfe has the right idea.' 'Oh, of course he does. He always has the right idea.' 'Wait, who's Rolfe?'  'Only the coolest member of the band. He should take center stage and kick those other guys out on the curb!' 'Who need a colander when you could put a pot on your head? I'm allergic to spaghetti, anyways.'  'I'm gonna go to Kmart tomorrow and buy out all the pots they have. Then we'll all take part in Crock Pot Night!'

'Yay, Crock Pot Night!' everyone would cheer. 'Boo, Colander Night!'

'That wolf is such a genius for coming up with that. He should get a big, fat raise!'

'Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe! Rolfe!'

"Rolfe… ROLFE!"

Earl had cut into the crowd's cheers.

Rolfe blinked back to reality, giving his yellow friend a look as he asked, "What was that for? I was universally beloved!"

Earl scoffed. "The only way you'll get the world to love you is if you quit Showbiz! And don't think about worming your way into regular showbiz."

Rolfe rolled his eyes. He suddenly realized that Billy Bob was singing,

Maybe baby, I'll have you somedayyy…

[warsamongthestars]

ONTO TBB - POST-SERIES

I am going to need to sit down, and go through all of the show, and I hope to (energy providing). Mostly to make a review, or series of reviews. Produce a few what-ifs. Someone might want the fanfic inspiration.

( I hope, I'm not going to promise because I am bad at energy, and I'm not going to promise things until I can actually deliver. So let's just say I want to do it, but we'll see if it happens or not. )

Look, I still dont' want to rain on people's parades this close after the Finale, so read at ye own risk. Lots of critical down below.

I would call the TBBshow a waste of time. But its not a waste of time, the reason being is that, I have dedicated an enormous amount of energy, to tearing this show into pieces. It soothes and enflames the rage that lies in my heart.

( Remember, I do love Star Wars, and I love the Clone Wars. And Anger and Fury are what happens when something you love, or something you cherish and care about, gets hurt very badly. And I find that the TBBshow is both the weapon and wound. But its a weapon I can turn against itself. And it is a wound I can remedy. )

Now for my bit thoughts on the finale, and bit thoughts on the show itself.

They're just big bits, because when I want to really tear into the little issues of this show, I will go molecule-by-molecule, atom-by-atom when I do.

I am going to be the fucking Saturday morning cartoon villain, with suit and cape and evil laughs, about it.

So...

One). Fifth Enhanced Clone and Omega wasn't it, remember? You remember that from the first Finale?

I remember. The show didn't.

I 'd like to think it was Emerie. It points it that. But even now, I have doubts.

Because what was the point.

They oh so twittered about Emerie, and that didn't end up much--and I'd know because the biggest TBB Fans here haven't talked jack about her. That's how good her character is.

Just listen to the silence and all those crickets.

Two). Remember how this was supposed to be the Republic becoming the Empire?

They didn't act like it, did they. You could place these scenes in the Clone Wars, and y'know, it would not only still make sense--it would be more pointed on how the Republic had always been the Empire underneath.

Because you don't get the evil of an entire instellar Empire out of nowhere. That just doesn't happen in stories that have any depth.

If it does happen, you're reading a kindergarten story then.

( ... Frankly the kindergarten story would prolly tell it better, honestly. )

THree). They killed Tech, and CX-2 meant nothing.

You can't tell me they didn't have time, because they spent 3 seasons bullshiting and then at the last minute went "Oh shit, we're supposed to have a plot! Uhhh THORW SOMETHING AT THE WALL AND WE'LL SEE WHAT STICKS"

They knew full well how much fucking time they were alloted, because TV time always allows at least 3 seasons unless you have fucked up that royally.

It is by Contract. They Knew, and they still Bullshitted.

They murdered Tech for Shock Value. Oh someone is going to say "But George Lucas didn't Like Tech--so it made sense to kill him!"

I know they're going to say it.

If they didn't want Tech, then they shouldn't have created him. If you didn't want the Apple Pie, you shouldn't have made the damn Universe. When you introduce a vital character, a main character, people are going to care about them, especially upon character development.

So when you kill that character for Shock value, and then made that value meaningless by lack of conversation and perceived impact, then all you've done is spat in the face of everyone who cared about him--who might've identified with him--or felt that they needed a fictional example of grief--or fucking hells, just WANTED TO HAVE CHARACTER IN YOUR FUCKING CHARACTERS.

Tech was the point where my fires started. He was the point, where I realized, there was no hope in this show. Can't repair the character dynamics, can't do anything of significance now.

And by their refusal to allow the characters communication and grief, they stamped Tech into the dirt by the heels of their imperial boots.

CX-2 had all this development, for fuck all. What was the point of the CXs if they weren't going to do jack with them.

Four). Spent an awful lot of time shitting on other ideas.

Every possible guest character that could appear, did appear, and it took away from the story. Worse, it took away from Authors, and Game Makers, and spat all over them with a "Haha this is OUR CANON NOW!"

Cid lost her appeal. Because it was an episodic format, and the series did not stick to an episodic format. Would've been a great minor villian, too fucking bad though.

Phee was a phenomenal character (even if I don't care for Indiana Jones / Lara Croft archetypes), and she didn't go anywhere. She stood nearby Tech, gave him a pet name, and that's it. They wasted her.

( I would say that the shippers went too hog wild--but shippers have always been hogwild. To say that they're overdoing it, means they've been underdoing it. They will go hogwild for "Nameless Twi'lek in Background". That's the beauty of the shippers. Keep shipping folks, the Empire can't take all of us out. )

They killed Scorch. Scorch, from Republic Commando, is dead now. You remember that happy go lucky guy? The one who wanted to go back for Sev?

( HE WAS MY PARTY MEMBER, GODS DAMN IT. I PLAYED THE GAME WITH HIM. )

Well. He can never go back now.

( From the bottom of my gamer heart--I felt like this was the greatest Fuck You of all time. Tech's death was already unforgivable, but this? This is as if you just executed Carth Onasi in front of me. )

( The only way they could've done worse, is if they had made a poor copycat of the deathstar as some star destroyer with a rip off of Darth Revan except he's like, the grandson of Darth Vader or something. And he like, murdered a lot of Jedi again, because they wanted to rip off the prequels... )

Why is VENTRESS EVEN THERE.

Why did we need KANAN AGAIN!?

Oh look, Rex, and... Clones... Fucking wonder what's going on there. I can't imagine that the sequel of the Clone Wars would have anything to do with Clone Wars maining Clones. Can't imagine why they might've been important for the Star Wars audience. They're just CLONES AREN'T THEY ITS NOT LIKE THE AFTER EFFECTS OF THE CLONE WARS WOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH CLONES.

Completely dissed the Chip plot, for victim blaming, and all the victims paid for it. In fact, they even villianized the victims and punished them dearly. Through execution, or dismemberment.

And they just straight up murdered every villian they could get away with, for... no reason. It wasn't satisfying. It was bullshit.

The sheer audacity to fuck Echo up. He was our Audience Surrogate, on par with Ahsoka, and THIS IS WHAT THEY DID TO HIM? Made him a bit player in his own show?

Only gave Fives, one of the most important people of Echo's life, a mere throwaway mention.

Not gonna get into what they did to me boys the Bad Batch, because we'd be here all day. And I've got other things to do.

And finally, because this made me rage so fucking hard.

FIVES) The Spoken Message "Now we can be who we want to be!"

...

ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL. WHAT IS THIS SHOW'S MAJOR MALFUNCTION.

The Entire Point of the Bad Batch, was that they were already being who they wanted to be or who they were, since their introduction in Clone Wars. They were Unique Nonstandard Clone with Unique Abilities and excellent character (In the Clone Wars)

And suddenly the show wants to say "Oh by they weren't really being themselves--"

They didn't set that the fuck up. The TBBShow, spent the last 3 years fucking around in the ether. They had plenty of time, and they squandered it, and then they rushed jobbed like kids on final group project day.

If the "Good Soldiers Follow Orders" was the set up, then that is akin to saying "Oh don't worry about being drugged into doing something you didn't want to do, you can learn from the experience of having all your choices forced from you and against your consent, and be better from it!"

We can even take in-story!

They spent, so much time, never once talking to one another, about one another, setting up jack all. In fact, vast majority either followed Hunter's lead or ignored him, and left the Camera--there has never been any "Oh we can be who we want".

Unless you're Omega. And y'know, I tots watched a show called the Bad Batch, because I was totally clearly there for an original character not apart of the Bad Batch.

At the end of all it, I have to ask... what... story were they trying to tell exactly?

The show didn't dedicate itself to anything. It spent so long avoiding dedication that it robbed all impact, and left a constant sense of tension in every episode.

It didn't dedicate to a story. Oh it dedicated to the Rush, the New AND SHINY CONTENT--but that's it. Honestly, if they wanted the feeling of rush, they should've just dedicated themselves to Youtube Shorts, Vines and Tiktok.

I'm not here for the rush of content. I'm here for a fucking story, with characters. I have games that are decades old, I have the original Han Solo Trilogy, far before that fucking film.

And I go back, and I reread and replay, because I fucking love them. And that's what you do with something you love, you return to it constantly, its not a Fad that passes once the rush stops.

But I can only go back to the TBBshow, to take what little is good, And destroy the rest, and plant garden above the ashes.

(There are things good in this show that I want to drag out into the light and into better things. And I know, plenty of people have found that good too, and they have done the same. The sheer dedication of interpretation is a beautiful thing. )

There is no Replay Value here. By all accounts, they turned this into a throw-away show, that I guarantee, in about six months, half the fandom is going to be gone from because there's no substance here.

( I'd be shocked, but also not shocked, if it isn't, but I'm not hopeful here. )

And I'll guarantee to you, my audience, that I am going to be here with a never ending coal-fire in my chest.

Because as a lifetime Star Wars fan, from birth and unto where ever the end of my journey is, it has me--it can have my Love, or it can have my Never Ending Rage, but it has me regardless.

ADDENDUM

There are other things, believe me, I am not finished, but I wanted to get the big points down and out, to air my grievances. Twas an emotional response of sheer fucking unbelievable rage. The fires of mustafar would mean nothing in comparison to fires that lie inside. ( i'm in my darth vader arc. )

This hasn't been a waste of time... But fuck it was a Waste of Story and a waste of characters, and I will never forgive the TBBshow, for the fact that the Clone Wars lead me to love, and the TBBshow lead me to antagonizing rage.

The TBBshow story should've been a tragedy. That would've set some things to rights. If they had just, killed the team, and finally made the Empire into the tragic but villianous threat it really is, then that would've at least, made up for somethings. It wouldn't have fixed the show--S1 and S2 are still bad and no amount of good endings will fix that--but it would've been an anchor for it.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/13/2024

writing cover letters like "Market Research Firm 953989464860, will YOU be my Valentine?"

also, a fallout 4 femslash fic for femslash feb

listening

Fresh Blood by the Eels off their 2009 album Hombre Loco. i would say this is another "i think a vampire probably wrote this low, grooving track" but there are several howls featured. wikipedia says it is about a werewolf. this song sounds like it has a simple bassline and simple drums but it knows what it's about. it's probably secretly really complicated but i specced in knowing about fabric, not about music.

it makes me want to ice skate really fast and also sounds like watching broken highway lane dividers go by late at night. fascinating that the back half of the four-plus minute song is fully instrumental. definitely a song for when you are traveling, or perhaps proceeding. spotify

Sun down on the sorry day By nightlights the children pray I know you're probably gettin' ready for bed Beautiful woman get out of my head I'm so tired of the same old crud Sweet baby I need fresh blood

i've been mainlining The Black Keys' album Brothers so it makes sense this popped up on my Discover Weekly spotify playlist

-

reading

in 2015, the year i dropped out of college, the closest comic/weird nerd shit store was a forty minute drive from my house. i bought the first issue of the serialized anthology comics magazine The Island bc i liked the Moebius-esque cover by Brandon Graham, before i knew who either of those artists were or that i liked them. i think it was ten bucks, and having to show my drivers' license really sticks in my brain for some reason. the point i am slowly approaching is that the magazine only ran for fifteen issues, and i didn't buy any other copies bc ten bucks a month was too dear for me, but it was a tremendous incubator for artists i would end up loving. about half the time i stumble across a lovely self-contained book that knocks my socks off i find out it started life in The Island.

All his life, Hank Cho wanted to join the ranks of the Habsec—the rulers of the orbital habitat his people call home. But when he finds a powerful, forbidden weapon from the deep past, a single moment of violence sets his life—and the brutal society of the habitat—into upheaval. Hunted by the cannibalistic Habsec and sheltered by former enemies, Cho finds himself caught within a civil war that threatens to destroy his world. A new barbarian sci-fi adventure by SIMON ROY (PROPHET, JAN'S ATOMIC HEART, Tiger Lung), originally serialized in ISLAND MAGAZINE.

Simon Roy's Habitat asks: do you want to hear a story about a generation ship gone wrong? this is a guy who really knows how to draw mechs and all their fiddly bits and loves doing it, which is a really transferrable skill to lovingly detailing the crumbling brutalist neo-mesoamerican architecture. the Habsec cannibals and their bits and pieces of scavenged armor blend in so well, it's genuinely shocking when we see someone in full, kept up, incredibly colorful armor. gorgeous, gorgeous book. love a fucked up generation ship.

found while perusing the stacks of the library that was closest to a bunch of other admin errands i was running, bc i finally have a tx drivers license and can start collecting tx library cards

-

watching

im also asking myself why the hell i'm watching yellowstone with my bestie and her husband. it has every trigger warning and a lot of them would make me decline the experience had i looked them up beforehand. however, the inevitablilty of each little tragedy feeding into the circular threshing maw that is the Dutton family is really clicking for me. like well! that mom sure did die in the most traumatizing way possible! and wow that really does go a long way toward explaining why the daughter is self-medicating to an alarming degree AND why no one else is doing anything about it bc they're all still mad at her for being very tangential to her mom's death!

the amount of Stuff that happens per episode is truly astonishing. one of my favorite parts of the ttrpg Beamsaber is the downtime between missions, bc you get to have some really bonkers interactions with people who don't usually interact. despite its huge cast, Yellowstone doesn't yet feel incoherent or like it's jumped the shark in its first season bc it's really successful at getting its huge cast to have unexpected interactions with each other. this sounds a little bit like praising it for knowing how to be good television, but this is a neowestern about a land grab that's also a familial dynasty drama that's really leaning into the familial dynasty part of it. it would be very easy for this to become incoherent or bad at switching between storylines, but so far it's really good at it. it's not beamsaber or black sails bc nothing will ever be beamsaber or black sails but it's really scratching that itch of many small rapidly shifting factions and rapidly shifting political goals bc each child is their own horrible little faction and they have a lot of time where they're trapped in cars or helicopters together getting around their ranch, which is simply too large.

we're trying to watch the yellowstone franchise in release order, and the yellowstone prequel with tim mcgraw came out between the first and second seasons. we will not be continuing this. this is a bog standard wagon train western. cripplingly boring after the brazen insanity of the first season. also i think it is in poor taste at best and irresponsible at worst to show a suicide on screen.

i said i don't know why i'm watching this but i do know why i'm watching yellowstone, and that's bc my bestie keeps seeing tiktoks about it. sometimes im influenced in real life

-

playing

changed my sheets this week and didn't chortle at the TOP OR BOTTOM tag which is how i know im having. a brain time. another way you can tell im having a brain time are these screenshots of the Breath of the Wild map. as you may or may not remember from last week, last week i had very little of the map filled out.

now is this EXPLORED? good heavens no. i have under 40 shrines DISCOVERED. i have simply beelined to each tower and went VERY fast. or was very sneaky. the three towers i have not bothered to climb yet are the ones i would have to actually fight some guys about. fuck the akkala tower for real.

i love to accidentally get way too close to dragons and die. some fun things about this run: incredibly, exceptionally rainy. except for the stint in the literal desert and the five minutes in the snowfield it has been raining about 70% of the time, which has made climbing very annoying. another fun thing about this run: exceptionally low ancient shaft drop rate, which makes getting ancient arrows to safely kill guardians from afar very difficult. bc as discussed above i have optimized this little blond boy to be very fast and very sneaky to get up the towers very quickly in the two minute spans of time it is not raining.

another fun thing about this run: not very good at successfully spitting out riders next to horses. you can only see the tip of spinch's hat bc he is underground.

i have unlocked the elephant and the falcon, i haven't gotten much farther than finding painkillers for the goron boss and stalled out at the yiga clan stealth mission. bc despite liking being a sneaky fast sniper out in the world, i fucking hate an enforced stealth mission. i don't think i ever got past this part in my other run either.

not jacked enough to unlock the master sword, i think you need twelve hearts? i would rather have more stamina so i can get faster horses + the princess's horse.

after i unlocked a bunch of towers i spent a goofy amount of time in the Lake Floria system herself hunting for treasure chests (there are easily fifty chests in the water. wild) to get the 10k rupees to unlock the last great fairy. i also spent several real-life hours video game mining video game ore. this was deeply annoying bc i sold off all my gems to get 10k rupees and then had nothing to get those sweet sweet high level upgrades with. this was the point on sunday night where i realized i was getting irrationally annoyed with a game that is supposed to be fun, and is NOT meant to support the kind of grinding i was doing. that was enough video game for one day thank you.

did you know there's a korok in the shrine of resurrection? me either.

also did you know magnesis ACTIVATES on the windmills in Hebra but i can't figure out how to get close enough to any of them to do anything about it. annoying.

this has got to be so funny from ganons point of view. i unlocked the elephant and the falcon in under a week of in-game time and then spent several in-game months mining and collecting clothes. would that make ganon more or less anxious d'you think

making

cross stitch update. this confetti in the rover square. i am dying. here’s what it will look like finished, and a link to buy the pattern

i had such high hopes for pin stitches as a thread finishing method but i had to rip out a mistake near a pin stitch and accidentally ripped out the entire pin and single confetti cross stitch. so what the fuck. i am an insane woman who likes to fully submerge and lightly hand wash projects before they get framed to remove all the oils (yes i wash my hands before stitching, i do get paranoid) and i am not confident pin stitches will hold up to that. oh well. the loop method is pretty great in halving the number of ends i have to weave in, even though i feel like it is extremely wasteful and leaves me with lots of short useless lengths my cats would love to eat. so the gains from halving thread management are really not offset by the meticulous cat management i must embark upon every time i do my fun relaxing hobby.

and the back, which is a horror. and will only become more of a horror. but once this is framed no one will actually see it so it's FINE. i am FINE with this. i started this knowing there was going to be lots of confetti. that's the point of this masochistic pattern

i wrote the first chapter of this fic last summer and outlined the emotional beats (but not much else) while procrastinating moving and have finally lightly polished the first chapter and threw it on the archive. im trying to let things molder less and just fucking post them in the hopes this activates the writing part of my brain again but who could say what's going on up there. this is still something that hasn't quite returned to me post-covid round 2

this will eventually be an E-rated 5+1 fic fixing all the fucking bullshit around Cait Fallout4's companion quest. she will NOT go in the magic chair that tortures her into not being a junkie and being the perfect waifu. she is going to stumble backwards and accidentally into some harm reduction and get railed by a mean top. the mean top and the harm reduction won't fix her but they certainly won't hurt.

[fireorstormystuff]

Firestorm Fighting Styles

I have a bit of a head canon for how each of the people who have been Firestorm fight. Because they are all different people with different pasts and NONE of the are professionally trained.

So they had to make things up on their own or on the fly.

For our classic duo of Ronnie Raymond and Martin Stein; Ronnie is in charge and Marin is giving advice + Chemical Knowledge. For the fact the Ronnie (When he was younger) was a ball of literal sun shine, I imagine he doesn't touch the ground often, choosing to stay floating almost at all cost, it's VERY rare he would choose to be on the ground. That or he was just thrown and needs a minute. Fighting wise, I imagine he would stick with his Atomic powers because making stuff out of other stuff is super cool! He can use his football and basket ball knowledge to help, but most of the time it's those nuclear powers that are being used.

For Ronnie and Mikhail with the Firestorm personality being separate from them, I think he's a lot more influenced by those around him. If people are standing, he will stand next to them, but if people are flying, he will fly too. Fighting wise, I think this one is very much a wild card. again, doing what those around him are doing, but also filling in what he deems as missing. Like he's fighting along side a bunch of casters? He'll take tbe attention as the physical person.

Elemental Firestorm? No ground. FIRE ONLY

Elemental Stein? NO GROUND! FIRE!! And some nuclear powers when need be.

Human Stein? I imagine one of those old films from the 30s where the character is like "AYY PUT EM THERE!" and they got their fists up almost in front of their faces (See "Angles with dirty faces" 1939 for example)

Ronnie alone; A lot like when he had the professor, but now he knows what he's doing, and probably doesn't use any physical abilities, because why punch a dude if you can just drop a train on them? He was a fully experienced Firestorm at this point, no need for real fire and he was already considered to be one of the JL's heavy hitters, he just got better with age. (He's still a kid though, like 19, and he 100% still need that adult supervision (Looks at Captain Atom) But hey! He's getting there!)

(I'm trying to do these in order)

After Ronnie's death, JASON! :D - So he just kinda got these powers, and had to figure them out alone + a random person! I imagine he flys less and uses more Nuclear / Fire blasts and messes with the atomic structure of things MUCH less. He still does, but not as much as Ronnie. He probably knows how to defend himself with his fists he best, so I imagine he would rely on those the most, at least at the beginning. When more people join in (Fire Hawk, Mikhail, Martin and others) He figures things out much better, but still.

And lastly, Ronnie and Jason. Now Ronnie was revived in the WORST way posable so his head is a bit scrambled or something, but if skin tone didn't give it away then their fighting styles 100% did, the League has noticed this. Waiting for Firestorm at a meeting, they know he's coming and they hear footsteps, its Jason, if Firestorm flys through a wall and sits down, it's Ronnie.

Anyways, yeah, thats my little head canon about fighting styles with Firestorm.

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Entry 005 - Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door Remake

<<Prev: Unicorn Overlord

Synopsis

The Only Plumber I know is made to visit Fantasy America to collect yet another set of mystical stars - and we gladly do it all over again.

How much did I know before playing?

I played the Original and I liked it very, very, very, very, very, very much. One of my favorite games ever.

Did I like it more than I expected?

It was everything I hoped for <3

If you say you like Turn-Based RPGs and own a Switch you owe it to yourself to play the Classic.

Since I liked it, here's what I hated about it

I would be hard pressed to find anything really.

I guess they could have added more things (the Luigi fight we all crave and the rest of the Paper Mario 1 cameos that were even hinted at in the game files of the original) - but I think what they added is good enough. They added Super Bosses, they added non-intrusive QoL - I don't need them to change the face of the game, I like the OG for a reason.

(and also a thought I had was - I don't know how many writers from the OG Games (both PM1 and TTYD) worked on the Remake and if there isn't much overlap I could see the Remake Devs feeling weird about putting those fanservicey kind of things in on their own)

Also the Thinking Music is punishing don't stop the banger while I'm over here being stupid navigating the UI q_q

What did this game make me think about?

Similar to what I said in my Entry on Unicorn Overlord, I kept thinking that this game - at least in this day and age - isn't even all that groundbreaking - it just does the thing you're supposed to do, the normal Turnbased RPG Overworld-to-Dungeon-to-Boss Loop really really well and it's kind of weird that people don't do it more often.

I guess Thematic Takes on RPG Staples aren't interesting enough for the Unique Selling Point Crowd anymore :/

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

the soundtrack

The Excess Express was the Progenitor of my love for Train Levels.

Specifically for this Remake - How having Vivian's Trans Moment* makes Mario's actions more heartwarming.

*look forward to hearing about this in the ramble section

Outstanding Audio

Very non-exhaustive List because Goddamn. This Soundtrack.

vs. Shadow Sirens

vs. Atomic Boo

Moon Battle

vs. Magnus Von Grapple 2.0

All the Partner Themes they're all so good and they're used like twice each

Edit: ___the bonetail theme, goodness___

There is one single "bad" thing I have to say about the Soundtrack and it is... that I think Origami King's OST is still unbeaten as my favorite. The banger ratio of that game is simply unbeatable.

Besides that they did exactly what I wanted them to do. The Paper Mario Sound Team is just amazing, they do not get enough credit. I'm so excited to see what's next - whatever it is the entire team decides and/or gets to do.

btw there's nothing quite as irritating to me than people complaining about remake soundtracks, even in the off chance that i agree with the sentiment its always voiced in the most condescending tone possible and it drives me up the walls. and sure, ppl can voice 'valuable criticisms' and disappointments or whatever, but i also can read them and be baffled why you thought you needed to share it sounding like you're the only person on earth who understood the original, especially when - like it is in this case - the remake sound team is the same as the original, they literally made the thing you like so much and you thank it by calling them names for daring to 'not get' one specific second in their own work as much as you do.

especially now that we don't really have technical sound quality to improve on there's always going to be changes you like more and less because any remaining difference is closer and closer to a lateral move and the only 'value' difference is subjective opinion. and regardless, the original keeps existing, you hear the new soundtrack in context for a playthrough at most, afterwards you can just listen to the og again.

Favorite Character

Toadette. My All Time Fave, she steals the show everywhere she goes <3

Also Mini-Yoshi, Vivian, the Rich Bob-Ombs, Kammy Koopa,...

Favorite Arc/Story Line

The Excess Express, I know it's relatively short but I just really love Train Levels

Also Glitz Pit, I guess I just like when the Dungeon is the RPG Chapter Location.

Favorite Set Piece

The Remake is so beautiful I could really put anything in here.

Honestly I love all of the Chapter 6 locations, the train in the different atmospheric lightings, the Sunset train stop, Poshley Heights,... (Bad Glimmerich in german, one of the reasons I will allow Fluffy)

Favorite Scene

The Excess Express being covered in the Smorgs (is that the name, they're called Fluffys in german which is kind of lame but I will allow it)

Best Performance

I'm leaving this in here because they didn't replace Charles Martinet for this one and they got me too often with random Luigi Dialogue sounds there's a really good one where they talk about luigi and when they show his picture he echo-ey goes 'wahoo!'

Also the new voice sounds they gave all the characters were too cute, some of them sounded really really nice.

German Localization Notes

I can happily confirm that Barbara is Trans in German too! I can't tell you with certainty how the situation was with the original but I'm pretty sure it was also removed there.

Honestly the German Localization for this Game is and was so good, you people have no idea. I don't know how similar the text between the two is (I haven't played the OG in years) but they kept all the names from the old Localization - which I was a little bit worried about since the german names are so wildly weird (in a good way) I could have seen them go back and 're-align' some of them.

The OG Localization didn't give that much of a damn about keeping in line with the source material when it comes to Character and Location Names, but also they got the Vibe so well they honestly did a better job at it in certain places.

For every weird thing like calling Petal Meadows Fire Valley (which makes more sense when coming from the japanese name but still mischaracterizes the 1-1 world of this game in a way that's honestly fascinating to think about) and boring names like Fluffy we have things like calling "The Great Gonzales" Bomba Luigi, a change I will defend with my life, that's such a funny name, it even makes that Bowser Scene with Rawk Hawk funnier when Bowser is perplexed who the fuck Bomba Luigi is supposed to be. (mini yoshi calls you bomba throughout the game and nobody remarks on you being called like your brother - not even luigi himself, which makes it funnier)

Also the Grandma Bubu (Puni) yells the phrase "Soll ich mir in der Kälte hier Gicht holen!?" (do you want me to get gout in this cold) at the Boy Bubu and that's just. I'm still laughing about it. I hope you have a similarly fun-to-shout sentence in its place.

Ugh, I love it. I know if I looked it up people would complain about how much they 'changed'.

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY ---

What about this game gives me Hope for the future of gaming?

I just want this game to be a sign to let future Paper Marios break the character design regulations again. (if you didn't know, these are an actual thing and are why post ttyd has either fully unique looking npc or entirely non-unique npcs, it's for brand integrity reasons so new characters aren't confused as 'official' and like all brand integrity stuff it sucks the fun out of everything)

I'm even one of the four people in favor of letting them do whatever they want with the gameplay if they don't want to do Standard Turn-based RPGs anymore - by which I mean to say I was fine with Sticker Star - but the texture that only PM and TTYD have, the Texture we all want and crave so much, comes squarely from the unique Toads and Goombas and Koopas and Bob-Ombs..., all the ones they're not allowed to do anymore because the Brand Integrity Manager says no.

(okay so to put this a little more thought out: specifically the unique npcs make the paper mario style less about 'haha paper pun' (which, as funny as they might be once in a blue moon, not a single person cares about) and more an abstracted story book-esque depiction of the mario universe. it makes the entire thing work better by just being 'real but less detailed' - which also makes the plot work better with fewer details - instead of... well, a paper(thin) joke.)

What about this game makes me scared for the future of gaming?

The Unique Selling Point will be the end of me.

Ever since Dexit (yes i'm specifically blaming that hot mess) awakened the worst type of Gamer to the fact that complaining about Problems caused by Capitalism means nobody can disagree with you, Nobody gets to have fun anymore. Not gamers, Not devs, Not anybody.

Everything has to have Value now, everything has to have a reason to exist, a unique take and always also a quantifyable improvement on what came before. If it isn't as good as 'it should be' it's an insult to the people paying money for this! You need to fix this, I paid for this! I know what's good and need to share my intellectual opinion on this minor detail that you clearly don't have any idea about! What in god's good earth are you smoking that you thought this was acceptable?

It comes with this "Customer can do no wrong" mindset (which is often enough wrong btw, you're very much responsible for your own goddamn actions) and it always belittles the thoughts and decisions of the developers who more than likely have to fight higher-ups for those to actually end up in the video games they produce.

Sticker Star really is a good example of that, aside from the Brand Integrity stuff that made us lose unique NPCs the other thing people endlessly complain about is that the Sticker System disencourages Battles which i'm pretty sure they just heard someone smart say once and that therefore the system sucks, who could ever have thought of pivoting to something that stupid???

Well, it's actually a really creative idea on a very foundational RPG problem: Turnbased RPG Battles and the Overworld are for the most part distinctly seperated from each other. For a standard TRPG what you do in the Overworld has fuck all to do with your battles. This is an attempt to make Overworld Exploration a meaningful part in the Battle Gameplay Loop. It has its downsides and it didn't work out perfectly, but I think it was an interesting idea to put to the test!

But I guess that's not allowed. The Devs simply were too stupid to realize you would just end up doing a lot of backtracking to get good Stickers. They just simply don't know what they're doing and we have to make that clear to them by lambasting the game whenever it comes up. (and also to prove to everybody that you have very smart opinions)

There's a thing I learned in school and you might have heard that too before: You shouldn't tell people negative feedback (first). And that might sound like "a nice thing" to do, you "shouldn't hurt anybody's feelings" after all, but here's the thing why I think we should do that: Most of the time People already know what they did wrong, but they don't know what they did right - what they can capitalize on.

Maybe keep that in mind the next time you share your "Valuable Criticism" underneath an official Instagram post (btw who in their right mind does that)

The Ramble Section where I get to actually talk about what I thought about

Let's talk about 'Nintendo adds Transphobia.' I know it's just a meme. Still don't like it :) I liked that they added the Transphobia! I just don't like the meme.

It's like bnuuy. I don't get the joke. It's not fun to pronounce. If the joke is that u and n are upside down, then you could also type pnuuh, that's the entire word upside down. Why are you all finding this so funny. I just don't get it. And just for the record, it's fine you find it funny. I hope you feel validated that I'm okay with your choice of meme. I just don't get it.

But with 'Nintendo adds Transphobia' there is this undertone of "What they did is good" (that's the happy reaction gif in the background) - but the thing they added, the Transphobia, is some amount of bad, or else it wouldn't be funny to be happy about it. We would prefer if you added the Trans Character without including Transphobia after all. But would we? Would that be "better" - whatever that would even mean?

And just to get it out of the way, yes, for a lot of people it's probably haha just a joke about how it sounds funny to be happy about adding transphobia - but then i still don't know what you people think you're doing when spreading a haphazard joke about 'nintendo does a transphobia' in a day and age where nobody checks any of the news they receive when nintendo is literally doing the thing they are supposed to be doing, like come on guys i do have the moral high ground here and i am firing shots

Fully aware that I'm taking this too seriously - If this is what's resting at the heart of some these jokes then I would guess this comes from the "It shouldn't be a huge/integral part of their character!"-BS that people (on both sides) have been peddling for years (because assholes really want that and well-intentioned people rightfully don't want to be fetishized) - but regardless of what you're using that sentiment for, clearly it's not that easy. Like, it should matter to the character or else it might as well be a JK JKRO "Dumbledore is Gay" Tweet and never be talked about again.

It's not like Beldam bullies Vivian just because she is Trans, Beldam bullies everybody, she almost bullies Doopliss more than her. It's just that 'her bullying feels meaner ever since she realized she was a sister, not a brother.' You know, exactly what they state in game and exactly like somebody would probably feel about it even if Beldam's Transphobia didn't play any part in the bullying at all, Feelings don't really care about Facts after all and it creates another dimension to Vivian, a tangible relationship between her and her bullying.

Sure, everything about her story would work without her 'being trans' - but a little change like that goes a long way to color all of her interactions. Even just the simple fact that Mario is nice to her hits a little different knowing that her sister treats her differently since she lives as a woman.

But that's all kind of besides the point because while they wrote a Trans Character facing a struggle that hopefully people will at least feel a little represented by - that's not the only thing they did. They put a Canonically, Directly Stated Trans Character right next to the best plumber you know. And that's kind of the thing that annoys me the most about "They Added Transphobia." Like guys. She's a main character. She's not some weird side quest character that appears one time, doesn't even have a name and says a weird line about it before disappearing forever like that one quest people bring up to say FF14 has Gay Representation. You Can Have a Fully Canonically Trans Woman on Screen for 50% of this Game, Right Next to The Mario Man, And He's Like "You Rock Girl. Love Wins." He doesn't even wince when she implies she has a crush on him.

This is a much bigger deal than some of you make it out to be! This is a serious occassion and you made the social blunder to show up wearing "They added Transphobia"!

And for the people that missed it: Origami King also had a Trans-affirming Birdo Moment where they used her for a Secret Drag Show at the Coffee House at the Rainbow Spring. The Paper Mario Writers know what they're doing with Mario's Image and even Nintendo's Brand Identity Manager can't stop them. You look foolish and don't know who you're talking to. These people made Mario canonically visit a gay bar hiding as a coffee shop. Fix your wig.