#like unless they were only reading for one character there’s no way😭

[mypimpademia]

Me, watching someone like my Masterlist then continue to spam like the entire thing like there’s not a giant psa on there asking them not to

[junesilk]

HIII omg ive been looking for a hxh blog for a WHILE there’s barely any that’s very active😭😭okok so since i’m a kurapika simp could you write headcanons and IF YOU WANTT, a mini scenario of jealous kurapika? hmm if you want an idea it could be smth like the reader has a guy bsf and kura got jealous from the lack of attention :(( THANK YOUU!

JEALOUS, JEALOUS BOY!

hxh main 4 x fem!reader

characters included: kurapika, leorio, killua, gon

i absolutely will, i have always loved jealousy prompts!! i’ve got several of these asks so far, so i’ll just kill multiple birds with one stone and go ahead and put them all together into a list of headcanons

not beta read ☝️

kurapika—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

He’d be quiet in the moment, withdrawing himself from the conversation while staying by your side.

You most likely wouldn’t notice it right away because he is naturally a quiet person—

The most he would do is send a glare at the man taking all of your attention away, but other than that he’d avoid conflict.

As soon as you two were alone in a private setting, he would be much more clingy than usual

Which, in of itself would be unusual, as he’s not the type to be so physically attatched.

Perhaps it was his more possessive side coming out to play, but it certainly was new.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

He’d know. Out of all of the main four, he’d pick it up fastest.

If the conversation wasn’t important, he’d find a way to end it quickly, to save you the jealousy.

If it is, he probably wouldn’t speed through it quite as much, but he’d place his hand on the small of your back,

His little way of assuring you he’s all yours.

He’d bring it up once you were alone, assuring you that he only had eyes for you.

leorio—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

You’d feel his hand slide around your waist, looking up to see him staring at the other person

It was weird, you’d never seen him like… this!

If he was actively speaking in the conversation, every sentence referring to you would include some form of a pet name.

You could’ve sworn he said the words honey & babe at LEAST seven times

Once at home, he’d remind you who you loved most, pressing kisses to your flushed face.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

Oh boy.

He’d be so proud, honestly. You loved him enough to be jealous? Heart melted.

You’d take his hand, tightly pressing your palms together and squeezing.

It’d take him a while to realize you’d been giving the other girl nasty looks for a few minutes, but once he did, he chuckled.

He’d make an excuse, wave goodbye to the poor girl, and then turn his attention to you.

“Woah, babe. If looks could kill..” He’d joke about it for a while, but in the end, he’d assure you there’s nobody he loves more.

killua—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

He’d be extremely mean. Not to you, but to the man you were speaking to.

Killua is naturally really sarcastic, but he takes it to a whole other level.

Scoffing whenever the man made a joke, crossing his arms and looking away when you laugh.

He might use his assassin lineage to scare the other man away, but it’s rare he would need it.

He’s scary enough.

After freaking out the other man to the point where he’d left, he’d flick your forehead and roll his eyes. “That guy was looking at you weird!”

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

You wouldn’t know that he knew.

Not until the day afterwards, when there’s a chocolate robot laying beside your head when you wake up.

It’s his way for apologizing, or just letting you know that he did, in fact, know you were jealous

When asked, he’d shrug it off.

gon—

WHEN HE’S JEALOUS…

Gon’s not the type of person to get jealous.

He simply just doesn’t. It’s not because he doesn’t care for you or anything.

It’s because he’s too busy becoming friends with the new person!

Sure, he may pout if he’s not very interested in the conversation being held, but that’s the most he’d do.

WHEN YOU’RE JEALOUS…

We’ve all seen the movie.

Gon is oblivious, and remains to be that way unless you flat out tell him.

Feels bad for not realizing it earlier, but once told he tries his best to make it up to you.

He’d take you out on a date the next day, perhaps a picnic or something out in nature.

You can’t stay mad at him. After all, he just doesn’t pick up on these kinds of things very fast.

i hate how this got progressively shorter…… but wtv!!!

[walpu]

hey, hey, I don't know how many times I've read your post "pre-relationship" especially aventurine part (omg i love how you write abt him 😭). I wonder how it will be once they are in a relationship and the kissing part please :3 thank u and have a nice day!

THANK YOUUUUU

Hope you'll enjoy this post too💛💛💛

being in a relationship with Aventurine

characters - Aventurine notes - gn!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort (do I even write something other that hurt/comfort for him lmao), no beta

can be seen as a part 2 of this post but it can stan on it's own as well

Aventurine

It would take quite some time for Aventurine to move from the pre-relationship stage with you. Will dance around the subject, throwing hints and flirty remarks but as for making an actual move? Oof.

Would cling to your side and shamelessly say something like "aww, can't get enough of me? people may think we're dating <З unless that's what you want them to think haha"

Pathetic. /affectionally.

But seriously, he really wants to be sure that you like him before making a move. That you like him, not his money, not the idea of him. At least that's what he tells himself. And while this is part of the reason, the actual thing is that he's simply... confused. He's already more vulnerable around you than he ever was around anyone else. And dating means being even more vulnerable.

While he yearns for this genuine connection he's also a scared of it. Tim Kreider wrote the line "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" about him actually.

It would take some time for him to get used to being in relationship. In the previous post I've mentioned that he, most likely, had some short flings in the past. I seriously doubt that he ever had any serious relationship before you though. It's so new to him. At first it would seem like nothing has changed between the two of you at all. Surprisingly, it looks like he even became a bit more distant.

Aventurine doesn't want to attract any unwanted attention to your relationship since it will only endanger you. Plus he doesn't want to overwhelm you. Plus he doesn't want to overwhelm himself. Plus he is scared shitless.

He can't help but feel that he looses everything he holds dear. After all, it's been like that for all of his life. And he simply can't loose you.

Mini spoiler for his leaked character story, but there is a moment there when he looks at the aventurine stone Diamond gave him and he realizes that despite the fact that he worked so hard for it, now that he has it, it holds no real value since it doesn't fill the emptiness inside of him. Logically, he knows that this won't happen with you. He loves you too much. But there's this subconscious fear inside of him that he's just so messed up inside that he simply would not be able to love you like you deserve.

Be patient with him, this mans doesn't know what he's doing. Don't give up on him and he'll crawl to your side, holding onto you for dear life.

Once he will calm down a bit, he'll make it up for all those times when you were the one reaching out to him. Texts you, calls you, arranges spontaneous dates.

In the beginning of relationship would spoil you with expensive gifts. He knows what it's like to have nothing so he doesn't want you to ever feel this way. And the best way to prevent it? To make sure that you will have anything and everything. Maybe it's a subconscious way to bribe you. Maybe. Not like he realizes it himself.

Once he'll feel more stable and more confident, his gift giving tendencies will get less overwhelming. He still like giving you gifts but now he picks and chooses. His sugar darling deserves only the best, after all.

Acts all clingy, playful and unserious but actually listens to your every word and is ready to fulfil your every need.

Is actually very caring. Shows his care by pestering you and easing you tho.

If you feel down, will sit stay by your side. May randomly start tickling you, if you're ticklish. If not, will find another way to touch you in a playful and somewhat annoying way. After you cheer up a bit, Aven will put his chin on your shoulder and hugs your waist, softly asking what happen and why is his dearest darling seems sad.

As for kisses. Aven will loooove covering your face with butterfly kisses. And not only your face. Will randomly grab your hand and kiss your knuckles and fingertips. If you've made a mistake of exposing your shoulder then be ready for it to be kissed endlessly.

Adores kissing those parts of your body that are usually covered with clothes. It feels fore intimate for him.

And if you have freckles or/and beauty marks. Oh well. Will trace them with his fingertips, connecting them with some invisible lines and sometimes gasp playfully, saying that he found his constellation. Just a silly little guy being a silly little guy.

So touch-starved it's unreal.

Has very mixed feeling about his tattoo being kissed. Would feel... weirs if you would kiss it during your casual cuddling session. He exposes it for the world to see, yes. But still, when it attracts attention of someone who knows the meaning behind it... Makes him a bit tense, it catches him off-guard. However, if you kiss it after a lovemaking session or when he shares some painful memories with you, he will feel reassured.

Will slowly start crawling out of his shell when he's with you. Before he only shared some brief memories of his past with you, now he'll start slowly opening up about other, much more painful stuff.

It still happens randomly and out of the blue. He remembers something, he tenses up. But now, instead of repressing this feelings, he shares them with you.

Don't push him too talk, he'll slowly open up on his own.

Loves waking up next to you. Especially if you're still asleep. Seeing the sun shining on your face fills him with love and tenderness. Only with you by his side he feels truly safe.

[moonrisecoeur]

Ur the best sub Leon writer soooo… idk if you seen these but ppl treat las plagas parasite as sex pollen 😭 and I’m so here for it. Concept : re4 leon infected by the parasite OK but he starts out very agressive but ofc he’s a sub so he does whatever reader wants in order to yk… achieve the goal of the parasite (breeding 😔 who said that? Not me) And pls make the reader mean, I love mean femdoms sm, they are chefs kiss. If you need more clarification post it I’ll send another one idk but I’m just seeing what YOU come up with. LOVE UR WRITING btw I love how it’s pretty in character tbh cuz I read ur bully Leon one and I was like “yeah fr like he’s too caring to be a bully 💀”

OMG WAIT MY DUMBASS FORGOT TO ADD: you said smth so mean to him that he came too early. He was so sorry for coming early and the mess he made in you But then he continued to keep going trying to pump more- OK SORRY

the BEST?? idk about that but i shall take ur compliment and deliver to you only my best work so thank u bestie i appreciate it sm !! ^-^

las plagas is crazy cuz like the black veins, the loss of control with your physical body, the pain it causes… that’s literally so hot. leon was so fuckable all of re4 but especially in the scenes where his body is being controlled that man is SCRUMPTIOUS

also just so you know. the veins on his dick are black as well ♡

no pronouns mentioned, afab parts mentioned, plaga leon has to be a top im sorry (technically in straight relationships men are always topping unless u count pegging BUT in this context i mean he’s a top more like ‘he’s a sub but he’ll fuck u stupid’ like that’s the vibe)

you spot his blonde hair from across the hall, running over to him excitedly. thank god you found him.

“leon!” you call out, grabbing the attention of the man in question, as you catch up to him. finally finding him in this nightmarish place after getting separated was the best thing possible, “holy crap, i’m so- i’m so glad you’re okay— woah, what… what happened to you?”

he takes a cautious step back, still seemingly holding a little bit of control over his body, “they said it was a gift in my…. my blood… don’t know what the fuck that was about..”

you take a step forward, reaching out your hand to touch his face, fingers tracing the black lines that were once veins invisible to the naked eye. but he stops you, his hand roughly grabbing your wrist, “don’t.”

“don’t… what?” you ask nervously, shoulders slumped.

“you need to… stay away from me,” he groans from pain, and you’re too worried to listen to his words, “stop, get away from me, you— i could hurt you! i don’t want to hurt you…”

but you don’t listen to him, betraying his wishes by shaking off his grip and reaching your hand out again. he can’t try to stop you this time. he moans, actually moans, when your fingertips touch his face, caressing him softly.

“really? it’s that good?” you ask with a small smirk on your face. leon thinks he could die.

“f-fuck…” he mumbles, finally coming closer to you. his hands wrap around your waist as he leans in for a kiss that you’re not ready for, and you both stumble backwards while you try to ground yourself.

he’s getting rough, aggressive, and you need to push back a little or else he’ll consume you entirely. not that you’d mind.

“leon, ease up,” you whisper, pushing him back slightly, and when a growl escapes his throat, you know he’s clearly not in any state to listen, “leon.”

he annoyedly makes eye contact with you, trying his best to listen to what you’re about to say. he is trying, and that’s the worst part. this is him at his most gentle, most restrained.

“you need to listen to me, okay? can you do that?” you ask softly, hand against his chest to keep him from diving too deep into you, and pressing a kiss to his lips. it’s softer. he moans into your mouth needily, but you don’t let him get rough. instead you sweetly get the taste of him. sure, it’s not a delicious taste, but he’s a delicious experience.

you enjoy the way he’s trying so intensely to control and contain himself, for your sake. he knows what you want from him is not his full fledged desires out in the open, completely unchecked.

when you pull away, he looks wrecked already, “please, you can’t do this to me, not if you’re just going to walk away and leave me desperate.”

part of you wants to reassure him. i’m not going to leave you. i would never abandon you when you need me most. but the other part just wants to ravage him, take all of him for yourself, leave nothing of him left but the perfection you’ve created. perfection in your eyes. maybe he’s not the only one infected with some kind of tainted desire.

instead, to accomplish both, you kiss him again, letting your own intensity and desire take over, potentially overpowering his. he whimpers, his shaky hands holding your hips for stability. he’s not being grossly possessive and rough like before. he’s softer now, pliable.

when you pull away, you whisper, “we need to get somewhere safe.”

“wha… what?”

“i need to take my time with you, and we’re not safe out in the open like this…” you say, leaning in to press a kiss to that sweet spot right below his ear. it’s so cute how truly weak leon is right now. sure, that’s always been his weakness, but it’s elevated multiple times over by this parasite in his blood. you have half the mind to thank that weird cult.

when you find a safe room, you’re immediately back on him, pushing him against the wall, enjoying the way he whimpers as you kiss him, his need for you multiplying by the minute.

“please, please, i need you, i need you so fucking bad, please, i need to take you, need to make you mine, need to—”

“shut up,” you groan, fingers roughly grabbing his jaw, pushing his head back and away from you, “you’re going to be good, or you won’t get what you want. i don’t care how badly you fucking need me, you’re going to be patient. you’re going to be nice and obedient or you’ll get nothing from me. and that little parasite inside of you is horrified at the idea that you won’t get to fuck my pretty pussy, hm?”

he looks pathetic, moaning like a whore at just some words, but it’s the way you say them, the way you say them, that kills him. he eventually calms himself down enough to nod with his eyes shut tightly, “i’ll do whatever you say. you know that.”

“lay down on the floor,” you command, almost growling back at him, and he opens his eyes in surprise.

“what?”

“you heard me. on the ground, beneath me, right now, leon,” your eyes narrow at him, enjoying the way he weakly sinks to his knees before sitting down completely and laying back.

“like this..?” he asks, confused. he doesn’t know what’s about to happen, and that excites him immensely.

you take off your belt with all your utility tools and your jeans along with it. then finally, your underwear. he looks up at you with wide, delicious eyes.

he asks so sweetly, even though he knows the answer, “are you… are you gonna make me..?”

“yeah, you are. i’m going to sit down on your pretty, pretty face and you’re going to enjoy every second of being beneath me, where you belong, servicing me, and making me cum.”

his heart skips a beat at the thought of belonging beneath you, “yeah, fuck, okay—”

“—and you’re not going to fucking talk until i cum, got it?”

he nods, and once you sit down upon your throne, he gets right to work. he laps up the fluids of your cunt like a dog, working tirelessly, sucking on your clit and tongue fucking you. this is his place. he deserves nothing more than to be here with you, caving to your every desire even if all of his thoughts include breeding you and getting you pregnant with his babies. he’d do anything you asked if he could just have that.

he’d be at your service, at your mercy, until you chose to give him what he wanted.

but he makes you cum so fucking hard that it’s impossible to not give him what he wants, especially when rough hands grab onto your thighs as you’re cumming and he’s still giving you the head of your life through your orgasm. he grabs you just to stabilize you, but also to be possessive.

he can’t help how bad he’s gotten about jealousy and possessiveness with this parasite. he’s never been the jealous boyfriend, knowing you could hold your own and you’re loyal and stuff, but something about the way he looks at you now is different. it’s deep and primal. he looks at you like he needs to have you, and no one else can.

it’s insanely hot, but it’s also inconceivable how uncontrollable those urges are. leon has good self control, and you notice it in how he’s acting. again, this is him at his most restrained. he’s trying to keep himself from pouncing on you, taking everything he wants from you because he knows you don’t want that.

somewhere deep inside of him, he’s still himself, still that awkward and dorky guy that just wants to love you and give you everything you want. you wouldn’t want that.

when you roll off of him, laying down next to him to give yourself a moment to recover, you press a kiss to his shoulder, a sign that it’s an act, your harshness isn’t real. he returns the gesture by kissing the top of your head. a sign that he acknowledges your motives.

“please,” he whimpers suddenly, startling you out of your daze as his hand caresses your back softly, “i’ll let you control everything, you can do whatever you want with me, but fucking please, i’m so desperate to put my cock inside of your pussy, baby. i can’t think straight, and i’m trying so damn hard to control myself but i won’t be able to much longer…”

“yeah? you wanna put your cock inside of me? feel it throb inside the wetness and warmth of my cunt, fill me up with—”

he cuts you off with a loud moan, his hands grasping onto you and his eyes shutting tightly at the thought of such pleasure. he looks wrecked at the mere mention of cumming inside of you. you obviously have to capitalize on this fact.

“oh? so it’s the filling me up part, isn’t it? the ‘gift’ you have makes you really want to cum inside me, hm?” you say, smirking cruelly at him, watching his resolve crumble as he moans shamelessly, “do you want… breed me, leon?”

he gasps, breathing heavily. he’s incredibly wound up, and now you know the real reason he’s insatiable and uncontrollable, “f-fuck, i— it’s not that i want to, it’s that i need to… i need to fuck you and breed you so damn bad, i—”

you cover his mouth with the palm of your hand, enjoying the way he groan in pleasure when you straddle him. god, he’s not even inside of you, but he looks fucked out. he looks he’s about to burst already.

“god, you’re so fucking desperate,” you mumble to him, leaning in closer to whisper to him despite having him muzzled with your hand. not that he’d ever hurt you, he would never even imagine it, “you’re going to fuck me stupid, okay? you’re going to fuck me until my legs go numb and i can’t feel anything but you… and only when i tell you you can, you’ll breed me, fuck your cum even deeper into me and not let any of it escape. understood?”

he breathes shakily, not responding. obviously you forgot you have your hand over his mouth. when you take it off, he nervously says, “got it. i’ll… i’ll be good. i’ll make you feel so good.”

your voice is dark, cruel, full of malicious intent, “you fucking better, or i won’t let you cum. you’ll get to fuck me, sure, but i won’t ever give you the satisfying orgasm your body is desperately aching for. you won’t get to fill me up, and all you’ll have left to fuck for your little orgasm is your hand.”

his heart aches. the idea of disappointing you makes him feel a physical pit of nervousness in his stomach, the same ones he felt when he was more like himself. he just wants to feel like himself again.

“g-got it,” he whimpers. you get off of him, and he’s got you pinned immediately, gently resting you against the ground he was previously laying on. the image of you beneath him has him breathless. he feels like he’s worshipping a god with every move he makes.

he slides his cock into you, groaning at how easy it is, how wet you are. he bottoms out almost immediately, enjoying the way your body wraps around him in almost every sense. he silently adores you. he loves that you want him, crave him just like he craves you. that underneath all of your dominance, you’re his lover too.

fuck, he’s starting to feel possessive again. he beings to thrust into you, his body moving faster than either of you can handle, but you keep your cool better than he does.

“don’t let yourself start to think you’re in control,” you murmur, leaning up to press your lips to his shoulder, baring your teeth but not hard enough to draw blood. just enough to remind him of his place, “you belong to me. not the other way around, got it?” you growl into his ear.

he can’t even respond, too enraptured by your body and the feeling of your control over him leaving him a shuddering mess.

and you can’t even deny it. he’s putting in the work, thumb playing your with your clit just like how he knows you like, and clearly he’s getting the results he’s looking for. his body comes closer to the edge sooner than he’d like, but he tries to stave it off, for your sake.

still leaning into him, you whisper in your darkest voice, “maybe i should leave you like this, so you can stay this desperate… for me. i would try and cure you, but… not sure if i really care anymore.”

he shudders, voice giving out on him as he tries to plead with you. he cums without warning, obviously his body did it without the consent and go-ahead of his conscious mind. he already looks embarrassed at cumming without your permission. you don’t really have the mind to care right now, but you remember it for.. later.

“i’m gonna cum, fuck, leon, give it to me, give in to your cravings, your desires, your needs,” you moan in his ear, desperate for him, only him, and he’s yours, he’s all yours, it’s all he’s ever been and all he’ll ever be. he keep fucking you even after cumming, keeping you filled up, pushing it deeper, “make me yours.”

and he has no choice but to comply.

[imaslutforwritingshit]

Edward Cullen Imagine (XF!READER)

PART TWO

Warnings- smut, p in v, cunnilingus, faint jealousy (Jacob), passionate (lovey) sex

P.S I’ve actually never made smut where the characters actually loved each other😭 it’s mostly just desire. So this is actually kinda well written , just a foreword to the poetic shit she says.

Read PART ONE here ;)

I didn’t understand what he meant when he said that. I didn’t understand, until his cold fingers snakes down the bones of my hips, and he covered me with his strong body, like the crevices in my pelvic bone were made solely for his hands.

“You,” Edward strained, his voice gravely, unlike the normal smooth charisma he embodied. As he spoke in my ear, he pushed my shorts down with his thumbs, the cheeky underwear I had picked out this morning on a whim now on full display to him.

When Edward let his fingers graze the shape of my ass, his hand wavered on my skin, like every movement was delicate- and yet something he couldn’t contain. “You are making me lose myself. The way you sound, look, smell,” Edward inhaled sharply, grinding his hard cock across the sheer fabric of my underwear. The feeling sent shivers and tingles down the nerves of my stomach.

I wanted more. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I wanted this. His voice was amplifying my desire for him, each rough syllable a new jolt of electricity through my body.

Edward groaned as my panties rose up, his dick deeper in the planes of my ass. I could practically feel the veins of his body sliding on the skin of my ass cheeks.

He finished his sentence in a husky tone, each word getting harder for him to speak. “You make me want to do horrible things, Calypso. I want to be selfish with you. To you.” The lowness of his voice, if I didn’t know him as my boyfriend, would be straight up deadly- and terrifying.

My heart melted at the thought of Edward getting what he wanted, a strange mixture of lustful hormones and admiration for the words. Everything Edward has always been was good, and gentleman-like, and selfless.

So, yeah. I want him to be selfish. I want him to have what he wants, just for this evening.

I arched my back, pressing my entire ass against his erection. “I need you to be selfish, Edward. I want to see you lose control.”

Edward stopped moving for a second, breathing heavily over my body. I could feel his cock twitching on my underwear, and I bucked my hips backwards, urging him to keep going. He stopped my movement with a rough push on my hips, bringing my entire body to the cushion.

“Callie, Callie. I will never lose control.” he felt my body up, each grope electrifying my senses. “I desire ruining you. My body begs to. The amount of times I fantasized of killing you when I met you…You drive me insane, beautiful.” He paused, and I could almost feel a smile on his face. “But I’m not a dog. I wouldn’t eat you alive the first chance I get, for my own filthy benefit.” Edward bit his lip, tilting his head in a dangerously playful motion. “Unless, of course, you would prefer that. Canines?”

Realization dawned on me. Jacob. He was mocking me about Jacob. Where was this coming from?

“Edward, I don’t care about him. I want you.”

Edward draped his head by mine, the graceful stands of his hair falling on my cheek. “I don’t know why you enjoy that so much, Calypso. The thought of being weak. Under Jacob’s ruthless control.”

The words were true, but still irritating. I could only assume this fire of emotion was coming from his episode of lust, but my body was getting too many mixed emotions to understand how to feel about it.

Edward thumbed my panties now, sliding the strings down in a slow, taunting manner. “I know that animal would love to see you like that. Begging.” He snarled quietly at that, and took a quick breath as my underwear slid off my ass. “To see you asking him, pleading him to take control from you.”

I whimpered, a strange thrill coming from the anger in his voice. He was jealous- because he wanted me.

Maybe I’m sick for that having fueled my desire more.

But then again, maybe I’m sick for loving a vampire.

He kissed my shoulder blade, a soft contrast to the hardness of his words. “I’ve thought about tasting you for a long time.”

My blood.

A strange, unusual spike of fear entered my heart.

This was Edward. But he’s different now- fueled by emotions, unpredictable.

Is he gonna hurt me?

Edward kissed the small of my back, dragging his hands to my waist.

“I’ve thought about tasting you, Calypso. I just never said how.”

Edward grabbed my side, rolling me to be on my back. I stared at his eyes, animalistic and wild, blending in with the dark of the forest behind him.

“Spread your legs, my dove.”

My heart was pounding so fast, I could feel the pulse all over my body. Specifically throbbing in the area between my thighs, which I spread out per his orders.

Edward sucked in a breath in his teeth, the fangs in his mouth sticking out in a predatory manner. Only staring at my naked body, like the very sight was granting him vitality. He didn’t drop his frighteningly focused stare, and instead leaned over me, kissing my thighs. Each touch was tipping me over, teasing me in a painful way.

I remember what Edward had told me a month ago.

“So the lion fell in love with the lamb.”

I was indeed, a stupid lamb.

He grazed the skin below my stomach with his lips, tracing the lines of my hips with a trail of burning kisses. I was practically rocking my hips, a silent beg for more.

Edward pushed his cold, comforting hands on my hips again, forcing me down.

God, I could live in this moment forever.

This is my life now. He is my life now. I can’t see anything farther than this.

This is my past, my present, my future all encapsulated in one small, fleeting moment.

Edward stared at me, with intense, hot eyes, dragging on my breasts, my hips, and the slow trail to my clit. It would embarrass me- the heavy eye contact, with anyone else.

But Edward’s not like anyone else.

So I kept my gaze on him, as he kept his eyes on me, and let his warm tongue heat the area between my folds. I shivered from his godlike touch, unable to tear my eyes from the beautiful scene of his mouth on my body. He grasped my thighs harder, tracing circles with the perfect pressure on my clit.

As if he couldn’t control the quick movement, he snaked his tongue down to my wet opening, rolling movements inside of me. I mewled, gripping the sheets with white knuckles. My toes were already curling from the very idea of him touching me like this.

Edward bite down a little harder on the top of my pussy, licking my body like I was his last meal. Every touch was strategic, but am I surprised? He had 104 years of experience.

Orgasm was rising to my surface too quickly. I grabbed his hair, increasing the screaming thoughts of my mind, hoping he’ll understand. But the desire took over him- and he began flicking his wet tongue more, causing me to jerk my head backwards, clasping my thighs over his head.

“Please, Edward.” My gasps were filling the empty space, all of his movements sickeningly perfect.

He let go of me, the warm tongue exiting my folds, and I clenched my thighs together harder as he kneeled over me, his breath ragged and heavy. His lips were sleek with my fluid, and I felt my ears go red.

He was looking at me like I was the most beautiful thing to exist. He watched me, so intense that I could cower from his breathtaking gaze. Edward pulled his shirt over his head, the pale, shimmering color of his skin mesmerizing me.

The sun was out. Fading over the large pine trees of Forks- as if the universe had some perfectly divine idea of the first connection of our bodies.

His eyes were light brown in the sunlight, the lines of his abs sparkling in the warm orange of the sun.

“I’m crazy about you.” My confession was soft, so soft I wasn’t sure he heard it.

Edward slowly shook his head, but all I could focus on was the color of his eyes. It was the only thing tethering me from heaven.

He was a fallen angel, looking at me like I was the cure to his sin.

“Calypso. You are my destruction.” His breath quickened, his lean chest rising and falling with the pace of my own.

Edward’s mouth met mine one more time, one more soft, passionate time. I grazed my fingers over the muscles of his back, memorizing every part of this moment. Solidifying it in my nimble, mortal mind.

He let the tip of his dick slide on my wet pussy, staring at me with lustful eyes, eyes waiting for confirmation.

I nodded, biting my lip in preparation.

Edward let his thick shaft slide in my cunt, and I yelped, clenching his thick shoulders.

It hurt. His dick was so big, I was hardly prepared for it. But Edward, with the last remaining piece of willpower he had, slowed his movements, his hard body meeting the spongey, untouched area inside of me.

He hissed, dropping his body on mine, and he grazed his fingers through my hair, each thrust getting more powerful.

With that, I realized something.

Edward is a vampire.

A vampire with exceeding amounts of supernatural strength, and… stamina.

He showed no signs of reaching climax as he warmed my body with his cock, each stroke inside of me causing pleasure to shoot to my stomach.

I could faintly hear my reaction- unreal, loud moans that I assume the deers of the forest could hear. I mewled as he slowed down, pushing his forearms into the cushion. Edward let out a soft groan, stroking my face with his thumb. He repositioned his position, pushing his dick back in, and reaching new lengths of pleasure in my insides. I moaned, shamelessly, letting my fingers dig into his back.

The warm ball of nerves were heating at my core, a sign that I was reaching climax. Edward’s mouth dropped to my collarbones, sucking sharp hickeys as he thrusted inside of me, each movement rolling my eyes back.

I whimpered, stammering from the euphoria shaking my legs. “I’m-close…”

Edward moaned, a sound so beautiful I could’ve just watched him now, an artist and a masterpiece. He ground his hips to mine, hissing with the feeling of his body completely in mine. I let my hands fall over my head, closing my eyes to try to preserve the orgasm rising in my gut.

“No.” Edward’s voice was strained, the softness of his movements gone. Each thrust inside of me was hard, rough, matching his untainted desire. “Don’t close your eyes. I need to see you.”

I need to see you.

How could I love someone so much it hurt?

I opened my eyes weakly, meeting the heavy lidded, black pits of Edward’s. His abs clenched as he pushed inside of me, his hips bucking with a renounced speed. I gasped at the feeling of his dick hitting my cervix, trying to focus on his face, overwhelmed with pleasure.

“Please,” I begged one more time, the need for my climax forcing my legs to shake on his.

Edward managed a smile, and dropped his body again, fully covering mine. He rocked into me, and I whimpered in his ear, letting my hands drop over his neck.

Nothing has ever felt this good. Nothing will ever feel this good.

Edward groaned, the thrusts getting so hard it began to hurt again, with a strange, overwhelming pleasure that came with the pain.

“Callie…” His voice was soft for the jerk of his hips, a warm sensation rolling over my body.

“Edward!” I squirmed, peak taking over my nerves.

“I know, love.” Edward’s breaths were fast in my ear, the jerk of his hips creating the sounds of skin slapping throughout the room. He let a heavy groan slip from his lips, and I felt the leak of precum making the inside of my pussy even more liquid.

“I’m going to-” Edward’s voice was nothing more then a raspy groan in my ear.

“Please, please!” I whimpered again, clenching my legs around his abdomen to avoid the painful desire of climax. He had edged me on for so long, I don’t think I could’ve waited anymore.

Edward’s movements turned hard, fast, a ripple of sensation arousing my body again. He growled, our skin smacking together with new volume, and orgasm blinded my vision, making me roll my eyes back, and arch my back until my clit touched the root of his cock. I screamed, scraping my nails on his back until I could’ve been sure there was blood.

Edward didn’t protest; in fact, he thrust harder with that, each movement causing him to heave breaths, the warm air hitting my ear. He moaned, a vibration in the mess of my hair, and quickly pulled his warm, wet body from my own, shooting strings of hot white on the base of my stomach, dripping down my sensitive cunt.

Edward rolled off of me slowly, collapsing on the small couch, both of our bodies reeling the affects of the tiresome fuck. I attempted to catch my breath, feeling my heart beating so fast I couldn’t hear the birds chirping anymore. Hesitantly, I turned my body to meet his, but Edward was already staring at me, the warmth of his expression a relief to me. He bit his lip, his chest rising the similar pattern mine was.

I processed everything, opening my mouth to speak, but not understanding how to phrase it.

“Edward?”

He smiled, the soft, mesmerizing action in my peripheral. “Yes?” The melody of his voice still left me catching my breath.

I couldn’t say the words. They rung in my mind, an untamable message dancing through my heart.

Three words.

I love you.

Edward let his eyes fall on mine, hearing the silent plea of my mind.

“I love you too, Callie.” His mouth was parted, and his lips were red from before, and he read my mind and read those words. I couldn’t help it when I draped over his body, kissing him like it was the first time all over again.

He snaked his arms over my bare body, his smooth knuckles tickling my spine. His lips draped over mine as if we were two puzzle pieces, separated for too long, and now here, and alive, and in love.

I loved Edward Cullen. I had the very first day I met him. And even if I die a mortal, holding the hand of the boy who will exist forever, I know I’ll live until the day he ceases to.

I’ll live in Edward’s heart,

And he’ll live in mine.

Because that’s what love is, right? A taste of forever.

And we were forever.

Okay that’s it byeeee

I am super open to constructive criticism and feedback, as well as recs. Thanks for reading ! :> <333

[madockisser]

cardan/nicasia: why they’ll never happen again analysis/speculation

a while back i saw someone (or rather, a thread of ppl saying that they hope cardan and nicasia don’t get it on in the next book which is supposed to be nicasias book (supposedly) and i even saw someone say they WISH THEY DO ?!

so here’s your fun reminder of what nicasia put cardan through!

I’ve gathered together all the shit nicasia did to cardan: being the first girl he loved then breaking his heart w his friend, allowing cardan to catch them ON HIS BEDROOM FLOOR. (not entirely her fault but she totally had shits and giggles abt it when cardan confronted her) then when Locke screwed her over, she got CARDAN and his power as prince, to harass the girl(s) locke chose over her, one of which cardan liked, then later on was trying to manipulate him to marry her (which i think is when cardan realized they weren’t rly even friends anymore), THEN kidnapping and torturing the girl she knew cardan loved, AND befriending his abusive neglectful mother!

like damn. how u even fumble that bad, not just romantically but as a friend.

also I’d like to add her consistent entitlement, not just the whole “i bully girls bc I’m a princess and i can!” but the “cardan take me back even after i emotionally ruined you multiple times!” 😐

poor cardan

anyway, I’ve read lots of holly black books, and she is VERY mindful w abusive sort of relationships. and cheating relationships. she writes about them a LOT and each time they are pretty irredeemable.

note(the only exceptions):Taryn and hazel (darkest part of the forest) who sorta cheated on accident/ it wasn’t their fault-> but didn’t end well

add on note sorry: “but nicasia cheated on cardan on accident bc Locke was a gancanagh!” false! nicasia admitted that what her and Locke were doing was prolonged, the scene that cardan finds them is not their first time screwing around. nicasia KNOWINGLY cheated on cardan. then she was like “ok but i still care abt u! take me back” ?

now you can say that it could sorta be classified as an accident due to lockes natures (which are actually really disturbing if u think abt it) and that’s true, i never blamed nicasia for that relationship, but i do blame her for all the utter dogshit she not only put cardan thru, but Jude.

and this is cardan we are talking about. he who killed half an army for Jude when madoc tried taking his daughter back (sounds funny out of context).

we must remember that cardan does not want Jude hurt and humiliated and that’s exactly what nicasia went and did to Jude. through all the books bro. nicasia literally kidnapped and tortured Jude in the undersea so there’s 0 chance of cardan touching nicasia unless maybe to turn her into a tree again (but he can always just do that at a distance 😛)

anyway back to the cheating:

which is why i know that holly would never pull any sort of bull w cardan and nicasia, and you may be thinking (well that’s bullshit what do u know?) 3 separate books w cheating tropes, and 5+ diff relationships that involve cheating w no redemption. LOL

anyway black and i certainly agree on that front, and the way she uses the trope so consistently, and makes it so the cheaters are never endgame, or have a horrible death (Locke AND his mom, also Eva Duarte 😭the dude Ben dated from dpotf, and Kaye and that guy Janet was dating, Val and Tom and dave and lolli (modern faerie tales)) is pretty telling!

holly is great at writing healthy relationships, and she knows that tcp is her biggest hit w the media, so she won’t go and fuck that, not just bc she would never and it’s out of her writing style and character and literally moral compass when it comes to writing relationships, but also bc her publishers/editors would NEVER let that slide.

but i can’t wait for her book! i love knowing that nicasia will never have a chance w cardan again, it’s no less than what she deserves 😋

anyway sorry for ranting! I just feel so strongly abt this topic, cardan would never cheat on Jude, since he’s been cheated on before, and it was heart wrenching, and bc of his upbringing, he would never. if you haven’t, go thru my masterlist in my pinned and find the cardan /nicasia thing where i explain why he wouldn’t cheat far better there!

But feel free to add on, i probably missed a few things so lmk!! 🫶

[the-boy-meets-evil]

take my hands (we can fall together) | lee chan | pt 3

(where you and chan are friends, but he's your brother's best friend. and you've always been just a little out of reach. until one season changes everything.) pairing: brother's best friend!chan (dino) x f!reader genre: friends to ??, pining, slow burn | fluff, angst, smut rating: explicit warnings/notes: mentions of unhealthy relationships (reader x boyfriend), mentions of food, mentions of drinking/alcohol, friendsgiving, chan is having a crisis, explicit smut in this part, kissing, body appreciation, fingering (f. receiving), oral sex (f. receiving), face sitting, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, protected sex (p in v), aftercare, chan is a tease, chan calls reader baby one time, i think that's it but let me know if it's not word count: ~9.2k (full fic is roughly 23.5k) notes on the characters: anyone used as a background character is meant to be an OC, i'm just lazy with coming up with names a/n: SHE'S DONE! i cannot believe that (not me sticking to a timeline). huge thanks to @svthub for hosting this fall collab. check out the full list of fics here. make sure you go back and read parts 1 & 2 for context. this is the last one 😭 (unless i return for a drabble/timestamp). also thank you to my bby indi for creating an amazing banner @classicscreations.

tagging: @christinewithluv @aaniag @dejavernon @tbzhub @bitchlessdino @seungkwansphd

part 2 | masterlist

Even though he feels a bit weird about it, Chan makes good on his promise to Carla and they reschedule. Instead of going out to a too-loud bar, Chan suggests a favorite restaurant of his. Some place with good food and a better atmosphere. The perfect place to try and get to know his date on a real level. Not only is she beautiful and genuinely interested in him, she’s kind, easy to talk to, and surprisingly funny. The perfect person to finally move onto a healthier, strictly friendly relationship with you.

Everything about the date goes even more smoothly than he expects. Despite how open she is while texting, Chan’s surprised to find how engaged she is in person. It’s like nothing and nobody else exists apart from the two of them. She talks openly about liking him, too, because she says she doesn’t see the point of dancing around things, playing some kind of game. Life is too short not to tell someone how she feels. There’s a warmth in hearing that, like something dormant being awoken. It’s not like his other feelings completely disappear, but it’s nice to have that kind of connection.

At the end of the date, they walk out together and Chan grabs her hand without thinking twice about it. She stops him just outside the restaurant to pull him towards her for a kiss. Maybe it doesn’t make him see stars or anything insane like in the movies, but it’s nice. Her lips are soft against his and seem to just kiss away any worries. It really has been the best date he’s been on in a long time. So much so that he considers coming up for a drink when Carla invites him. There’s just a little something in the back of his mind holding him back and so he politely declines. He reasons it away that he’s got Friendsgiving the next day. It’s been a great date, but he’s definitely not ready to bring Carla to meet his friends. It’s only been one actual date. Even if they have been texting a lot.

Chan is up a little early the next day because he needs to run to the store to get some drinks before making his way to Seokmin’s house. That’s been their go-to place for bigger gatherings like this since he bought it because it’s got the most space. Last he heard, there were fifteen people coming for Friendsgiving. He’s also got to pick up Jay and Vernon on the way there so there aren’t too many cars. Jay should’ve been helping him pick up drinks. But, no. He crashed at Vernon’s. Which isn’t entirely surprising since Vernon’s new game is at the beta-testing stage and Jay’s always been the number one tester. It’s more than mildly concerning to see his two friends smirking when they get in the car, though.

“What?” Chan prompts.

“How was your date last night?” Vernon asks.

“Yeah, are we going to have to set an extra place at the table?” Jay adds on. 

“What are you talking about?” Chan questions.

“You went on a date last night, right?” Jay presses. 

“You know I did,” Chan confirms. “We live together.”

“And you took her to that restaurant we love,” Jay carries on.

“Yeah,” Chan says slowly, drawing the word out.

“Oh, cut him some slack. I guess you were so caught up in the date that you entirely missed that some of our friends were there too,” Vernon says and laughs at Chan’s face. “Yeah Jiyeon texted me laughing about how she tried to get your attention and you didn’t even notice.”

“Oh shit, I’ll have to apologize to her,” Chan says. 

“She was with Mina, Lisa, and my sister too,” Jay adds on. 

“They were all there?” Chan worries. 

“Yeah, I think it was my sister’s idea. A little bit of a girl’s night for whoever was free,” Jay says. “Rude of them not to invite us. But clearly you were busy.”

“So are we going to be seeing her today?” Vernon asks. 

“It was one date,” Chan deflects.

“One date that you kissed and then left with,” Jay adds on. Chan whips his head over to look at his best friend.

“Sorry, Ji had a lot to say about it. You know how she is,” Vernon shrugs. “And Jay wasn’t sharing the game so I had a lot of time to text her.”

“Great,” Chan says. 

“Hey, that’s a compliment! I stayed up playing a game and crashed on a couch, for you,” Jay complains.

The two of them carry on bickering while Chan’s head is a million miles away. Not exactly what he’s prepared for or expecting walking into Seokmin’s house. At least he knows ahead of time. For all the times Jay’s a pain in the ass, which is basically any time he’s breathing, he’s a loyal friend. He might be ribbing Chan for being so oblivious now, but he’s also giving him time to prepare before he walks in because Jiyeon is going to give it way worse. So, Chan takes the rest of the drive to figure out how he’s going to say. 

It’s hard, though, because entirely too much of his brain focuses on the fact that you were there, too. Something Jay kind of glosses over, probably trying to take the focus off. He’s never called Chan on it, but he’s known how his friend feels for a long time. You were there and you saw his whole date. Saw the way he was caught up. Saw the way he left with Carla. Saw the kiss. Saw everything. Because you were with Jiyeon and she would have been doing a live commentary. That’s just who she is. Not in a malicious way, she just hates being ignored. It’s stupid to be caught up on what you thought. He’s moving on. That’s what the date with Carla was supposed to do and he knows he can’t just live in this perpetual state of caring about you. Not when you’re in the middle of putting your heart back together. Not when you haven’t shown any interest. Not when you straight up said Chan was just a friend. 

He’s barely through the door before Jiyeon is harassing him. “So, what, you go on a date with someone you barely know and you just forget we’ve been friends for literal years?”

“Easy, Ji, I didn’t see you,” Chan repeats. 

“Well obviously,” she retorts.

“Did you call my name? Or send me a text to be like hey, over here?” Chan fires back. Fighting fire with fire is the only thing she responds to.

“No, you were too wrapped up in your little date,” Jiyeon answers like it’s obvious.

“Maybe you didn’t really want to get my attention. Maybe you just wanted to bitch today. Maybe you woke up and chose violence,” Chan says, earning an immediate eye roll. 

“Did you just call me a bitch?” Jiyeon asks with faux outrage.

“I said you wanted to bitch, I’d never call you a bitch,” he answers anyway.

“Well, where is she then?” Jiyeon asks as she makes a show of looking behind Chan.

“Carla? She’s not here. Obviously,” Chan says.

“Oooooh do you like her enough to use her name? Not just the girl you’re dating?” Jiyeon teases. 

“I hate you,” Chan utters without any bite.

“I know,” she sing-songs.

Almost involuntarily, Chan’s eyes find their way to you, looking for some kind of reaction to the whole scene. But, you’re sitting with Seokmin, like you aren’t paying attention at all. Like maybe you don’t even care. Which is good, right? Chan wanted you to leave Seungsik so that you could be happy and heal, not so that he could have a chance. Which is exactly what happened. It should be a good thing, seeing you happy. It’s just that he can’t help but feel like you don’t seem as happy as you did the day after leaving Seungsik at his aunt’s house. 

It starts as Chan thinking he’s overreacting. Throughout dinner, it becomes crystal clear that something is off. You stick close to Seokmin and Lisa, don’t even really mingle with people in the same way you do any other time everyone is together. Even with the friends you don’t get to see as often. There’s something a little dull about you, like the dimmer switch isn’t all the way on. And Chan never sees you without a drink in your hand, which is a little odd, too. Almost everyone drinks too much at Friendsgiving and then naps or sobers up before leaving. Drinking is normal. This isn’t that, though. 

The thing that hurts Chan the most is that you hardly speak to him at all. Several times, he tries to start a conversation, only to have you give short answers before excusing yourself to do something else. Or talk to someone else. Or be anywhere that Chan isn’t. That hurts on a much deeper level than any feelings he has or had for you. Over the past two months, it’s felt like you were coming to depend on him more as a genuine friend. Someone that you could turn to or be vulnerable around. More than just another person in a decent sized friend group or your younger brother’s best friend. There were even times when he wondered if he was in your inner circle. Things definitely shifted. But, whatever it was seems to have been short lived. The two of you are further apart than where you started. 

It’s not until Chan is back home at his apartment, leftovers from the meal tucked away in his fridge, and getting ready for bed that he gets answers. He’s not tired and he doesn’t want to go to sleep. All he wants is to get comfortable and watch something mindless. Jay seems to sense that something’s off and doesn’t even give him a hard time. Just lets him go off into his room and shut the door. His phone dinging catches his attention, though. 

You: today ws wierd and i hted it You: i mis m y channie 

The text catches him off guard for a lot of reasons. The first is that you’re clearly a little drunk, or maybe a little buzzed. You’re not usually such a sloppy texter. But, the much bigger reason is that you called him your Channie. You’ve called him Channie but never yours before. 

Chan: are you drunk? Chan: are you okay? You: ‘m fine You: not drunk Chan: are you home? You: no stayed at seoks Chan: good i’m glad You: do you like me

Chan stares at that message for a good minute like the words will somehow change. Does he like you? Are you asking as a friend or something more? Can he really try to get over you when you’re texting him like this?

Chan: course i do, we’re friends You: that’s not what i mean

Of all the ways the night could have gone, this was not one Chan considered. Things were definitely weird during Friendsgiving. He’s not sure how many people noticed. Jay definitely had, if him giving Chan space when they got home is any indicator. Seokmin probably noticed too, since you’re currently staying there. Before he can answer your text, his phone is going off with an incoming FaceTime. He answers without thinking.

“You answered,” you say like it’s some kind of surprise.

“Of course I did,” Chan breathes out. “What’s wrong?” 

“Do you like me, Chan?” you repeat. It’s so different watching you say it than seeing it typed. He’s trying not to focus on you sitting in bed just like he is. 

“I told you…” Chan starts and you’re shaking your head. 

“I know we’re friends, but do friends do everything you’ve done for me? Do friends go on train rides and apple picking and photoshoots and to pumpkin patches? Do friends spend an entire party not even bothering to talk to anyone else? Do friends support each other the way you’ve supported me?” You’re rambling, Definitely a little drunker than you want to admit, especially with some of your words slurring together.

“I don’t know,” Chan admits. 

You turn back and look straight into the camera. “Why didn’t you even see me last night, Chan?” 

“Well, I guess I was just…” Chan starts.

“What? Distracted? So distracted by your date that you didn’t even see me?” you ask. His heart breaks for how hurt you look. That’s the last thing he wants. 

“I’d already kinda blown her off once, over you, kind of,” Chan admits. Too honest.

“Over me?” you ask. Your eyes are wide like it’s not what you were expecting.

“I was, well I was with her when I saw Seungsik,” Chan says. “I made an excuse and left, but said I’d see her again another time.”

“Oh,” is all you say.

“Yeah, so I didn’t really want to do that to her again. She doesn’t deserve that,” Chan says quietly. 

“What about what I deserve?” you wonder.

“You know I think you deserve the entire world,” Chan insists. 

You pull your bottom lip between your teeth like you’re at war with yourself over something. “Do you think you could love her?” 

Before Chan can answer, he hears a door open and watches you turn to the side. Somewhere in the room, he hears Seokmin.

“I thought we said no drunk texting or calling or anything?” Seokmin reminds you, sounding very sober. 

“I thought you meant Seungsik,” you shrug, unashamed. Seokmin comes into the frame and sees Chan.

“Oh, hey, Chan,” Seokmin says, smile not quite as bright as Chan is used to. It’s clear that Seokmin didn’t just mean your ex.

“Hey, Seok,” Chan answers.

“I’m gonna take this and put her to bed,” Seokmin says.

“Good idea,” Chan agrees. 

Seokmin turns the camera to you. “Say goodnight to Chan.”

“Night Channie,” you call out.

“Night,” Chan answers. 

“Goodnight, Chan,” Seokmin says.

“Wait,” Chan says and watches as Seokmin’s face turns to him. “Delete the last few texts in our thread. That’s probably a better conversation to have when we’re both sober.”

Seokmin’s face relaxes and he nods, like he understands more than Chan does at the moment. Maybe he does. The entire conversation is weird and it’s leaving Chan with way more questions than answers. Why are you so curious about his feelings now? Why do his feelings for Carla matter to you? Why are you drinking like that? Did something happen with Seungsik? Are you finally processing and this is part of the grief? Why does it hurt to feel like an outsider to it all again?

The next time Chan sees you, there’s no mention of the brief FaceTime call or the texts. Things with you are somewhere between the total comfort of the party at his aunt’s house and how you were before all the Fall activities. It’s this weird limbo that he doesn’t really know how to process. It seems like nobody else really knows how to process it, either, and unfortunately, some of them are picking up on it. 

Then, there’s the issue of Carla. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but Chan also isn’t sure how he feels. On one hand, he really does think it’s best to just move on from his feelings for you because it’s all just been too much. On the other hand, it feels dishonest to keep going out with Carla when his head isn’t totally in it. But, she really is kind and she seems to understand some of his hesitation and even suggests that they do something a little more lowkey, like lunch during the work day, and that seems fine, right? Everyone has to eat lunch.

Wrong. 

Well, not about the lunch part. She picks a place that’s close by where they work, since they don’t work far apart, and Chan appreciates the slightly longer lunch. It’s a welcome break in his day and the perfect way to end the week. Carla is sweet, doesn’t push him to talk about anything he’s not ready to, though she can obviously tell there’s something. There’s a subtlety to the way she lets him know that he can talk to her about anything, no matter how awkward. And a grace when he says that he’s just not ready. She keeps all the conversation light, easy. There’s even something about it that feels a little more friendly than like a date. It’s really just an incredibly pleasant lunch.

And then comes the text. The text from you. Why on Earth did you need to send Chan a text saying you heard he went on a lunch date with the same girl from the other day? Why did you need to say that you hoped he had a good time? Why did it matter if he was spending time with someone else? It’s just kind of confusing because you’re definitely friends, but not the kind of friends that text like this. Not when it’s the first text you’ve sent to Chan since the ones he asked Seokmin to delete for you. 

So he doesn’t answer, doesn’t really know what to say. Instead he tries to make plans with Vernon to go for drinks after work. But, Vernon has other plans and Chan settles on just asking Jay. Although Jay is truly his best friend, he’s not Chan’s first choice when it’s you on his mind. Chan’s feelings for you, whatever they are, aren’t a secret to Jay, even if they’ve never talked about them. If he’s going drinking now, though, it might be too hard to keep avoiding talking about whatever he’s thinking. 

It seems initially like Jay might let Chan get away with just wanting to drink. They talk about work, about the holidays coming up, about upcoming plans. Jay mentions the big family Thanksgiving, which they’ll both be at. Chan talks about how he already feels behind on holiday shopping. They both talk about how crazy it is that Vernon’s so close to finishing one of his games. It’s just normal roommate shit. Much like lunch with Carla, everything is light and unserious. At least through the first drink. Everything changes when the bartender sets the second drink down in front of them. 

“We’ve gotta talk about it, man,” Jay finally says. 

“Talk about what?” Chan feigns ignorance.

“Whatever your feelings for my sister are,” Jay presses on, unwilling to let his best friend continue to ignore a problem. 

“Is this where you tell me that she’s fresh out of a relationship and give me some sort of speech about protecting her?” Chan asks.

“No,” Jay says simply. “She’s an adult and I’d never tell her who to date as long as she’s happy. Besides, you’re friends with her too.” 

“I really don’t know if we’re friends right now, things are weird,” Chan admits.

“Yeah, I can tell,” Jay says with a bit of a snort. 

“I went out to lunch with Carla today and then I got a text from her saying she’d heard about my lunch and hoped it was good. What am I supposed to do with that?” Chan asks, louder than he meant to.

“I don’t know,” Jay admits. “I don’t think she knows, to be honest.” 

“What do you mean?” Chan asks.

“Well, I’ll admit that I told her that you went to lunch with Carla because she’s been really weird about you since she broke it off with Seungsik. Probably before that, honestly, but it’s definitely been weird since then. I know she went to your aunt’s house the day after you told her and she confronted that asshole,” Jay says.

“Yeah, my aunt was thrilled,” Chan remembers.

“So was my sister, she said it’s one of the best times she’s had in awhile,” Jay shares.

“What did she say to you when you told her I was out to lunch?” Chan wonders.

“She just said oh good for him,” Jay says, “which I assumed meant she didn’t want me to know what she was thinking so I wouldn’t have to lie to you. I figured she was going to text you, too. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine,” Chan brushes off. 

“Do you like her? Like actually like her?” Jay asks. 

“I don’t…I’m not sure, honestly,” Chan admits. 

“You were sure, though,” Jay presses. “I could see it in the way you looked at her. I remember thinking anyone would be lucky to have someone look at them that way.” 

“Yeah, I guess I wasn’t that subtle to anyone but her,” Chan jokes. 

“I think even she stopped being oblivious,” Jay laughs. “So what changed?” 

“I don’t know,” Chan shares. “I guess, I don’t know, it just felt like it’s been all this time and I was doing all these things with her when Seungsik didn’t want to. And I had this moment where I thought I could do things like that with her the rest of my life and be happy. But, then we were talking about him after I saw him out and she said something about how he always thought I liked her but she brushed it off. So I just kinda realized I needed to move on.” 

“Can you do that if she never knew for sure how you felt?” Jay asks. “Is it fair to either of you?”

“Is it fair to her when she’s only just gotten out of a relationship?” Chan challenges. 

“Like I said, Chan, she’s an adult. Just telling her that you have feelings for her isn’t the same as expecting her to jump right into something new,” Jay reasons. “If you love her, like I think you do, then she deserves to know that she isn’t crazy. Even if nothing happens. The only way to move forward is by being honest.”

“Love her…wait, why would she think she’s crazy?” Chan worries. 

“Because you’ve been weird too, bro. It isn’t just her,” Jay laughs. “She is going to absolutely kill me for this, but she remembers texting you and then FaceTiming you after Friendsgiving. She knows you asked Seokmin to delete the chat and dodged her question about how you felt. So, I think she thinks that she imagined you liking her.” 

“Shit,” Chan breathes out. “I was just trying to do what I thought was best.”

“I know that, but I’m not sure she does,” Jay shares. 

“Fuck it, I need shots,” Chan declares. 

He’s definitely not sober when he shows up at your apartment a few hours later. Despite Jay’s insistence that they eat something, he’s still very buzzed, bordering on the world having some blurry edges. Although Jay insisted this could wait until tomorrow, he’s still here at your doorstep. Doesn’t even look back at the Uber after he gets out. His fingers dance over the keypad to the building on autopilot because he’s been there enough times before. There’s no thought about if you’re home or what time it is. No thoughts about if you have company. All he can think is that he’s sick of this weird limbo. 

You answer the door with your hair piled on top of your head, oversized t-shirt hanging off your frame, and a look of complete surprise on your face. Whatever you see on Chan’s face makes you step aside and let him in without a word. It’s not until he feels the couch dip as you sit next to him that he really meets your eyes.

“What are you doing here, Chan?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry,” Chan whispers.

“For what?” you prompt.

“For so many things,” Chan answers. “For Seungsik, for not being a better friend, for not seeing you that night at the restaurant, for telling Seokmin to delete your texts, for not giving you a straight answer, for going on dates with someone. But mostly for falling for you when it’s the worst possible timing.”

“You’re drunk,” you say after a moment.

“A little, maybe, but that doesn’t make any of it less true,” Chan argues. 

“I want to hear all of this from you in the morning, when you’re sober,” you say. 

“Please, I don’t know if…” Chan starts.

“Come on, Channie, let’s get you to bed and we can talk in the morning,” you say. 

You stand and reach a hand to him. He’s not sure if it’s the thought behind the gesture or hearing you say Channie, but he takes your hand without questioning it. Before he knows it, he’s tucked into bed and his eyes are closing. It may be the most comfortable bed he’s ever slept in. 

The next morning, sun through the cracks in the blinds wakes Chan up and it takes him more than a moment to remember where he is. It’s only when he looks around and sees your familiar decorations everywhere that it dawns on him. Not only is he in your apartment, he’s in your bedroom. He slept in your bed last night. Somehow that realization has him feeling even worse than the slight hangover. Since life is really unfair, you walk in a minute later, looking far better than anyone should in the morning. You hand over a cup of coffee. Fighting his embarrassment, Chan sits up so he can accept it and take a sip. Of course it’s perfect. It feels like the reverse of the morning after the Halloween party.

“How are you feeling?” you ask.

“Terrible,” Chan admits ambiguously. 

“Yeah, well, that’s what you get for drinking so much. Jay said he wasn’t sure where you were putting it,” you chuckle out. You pick up your own coffee mug to take a sip.

“When did you talk to Jay?” Chan wonders.

“He was blowing up your phone and I don’t know your password so I figured he was worried about you. I texted him to say you were here and passed out and you’d text him today,” you answer. “He didn’t seem concerned once I said you were here.” 

“Yeah, well it’s not really the hangover that’s making me feel terrible,” Chan mumbles and you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“I hope I’m not making you feel terrible,” you throw out.

“No, I’m just embarrassed, really,” Chan says. 

“You don’t need to be,” you assure him, voice gentle. 

“I am so sorry for telling Seokmin to delete those messages, I thought it was the right thing to do,” Chan begins. 

“It’s fine. I’m not surprised my darling brother told you about that, though,” you say. 

“It’s not fine. I just, I don’t know, I didn’t really know what was going on and it felt a little overwhelming,” Chan says. 

“Yeah I can see that. To be fair, I’m not really sure what I was even trying to accomplish that night,” you say quietly.

“Can I try to say the things I wanted to say last night?” Chan asks. “Jay actually helped me realize some things.”

“He’s got his moments,” you laugh. “And yeah, I think I’d like to hear what you wanted to say, now that it’s morning and you’re sober.” 

“I could repeat what I said, but it really comes down to this. I like you. A lot, way more than I should and I know that it’s, like, the worst timing in the world because of Seungsik and the break up,” Chan rushes out. “I know it’s probably not fair to you to tell you now, but Jay also pointed out that I can’t really try to move on when I haven’t told you how I feel. I just, I got kinda freaked out to tell you when you said the thing about your ex thinking I liked you, but you brushing it off.” 

“Chan,” you try to interrupt.

“And, fuck, I was trying so hard to date someone and get my mind off you that I didn’t even think about it,” Chan carries on. “But the reality is that all the things we did all season long have been some of the best times of my life. I’m sorry, I know that I’m rambling.”

“Can I speak now?” you ask and Chan’s cheeks burn red. 

“Sorry,” Chan whispers.

“I like you, too,” you admit. “I’m not really sure when it happened. Maybe somewhere along the way of you just constantly being there.”

“Yeah, we’ve spent a lot of time together the last like two months,” Chan agrees. “Wait, did you say you like me, too?”

“I did and, like, we have definitely spent a lot of time together doing all the things I love to do, which maybe helped me realize, but I think it’s been there a lot longer. All this did was make me realize how you’ve been there for me for years and I didn’t see that it was more than just a friendly thing,” you say. “You probably don’t remember but back in college, that idiot broke my heart and you and Jay spent the whole weekend cheering me up. I get why Jay did it, he’s my brother, but you didn’t have to.”

“Of course I remember, that’s when I realized I had a crush on you,” Chan says softly. 

“Chan, that was like 6 years ago,” you say, nearly choking. 

“Pushing seven,” Chan admits.

“You’ve liked me all that time and I didn’t realize?” you wonder.

“Maybe not all that time, it’s not like I haven’t dated,” Chan points out. 

“Oh yes, because you’ve dated such winners,” you scoff. 

“Are you, were you jealous?” Chan teases. “You started acting weird when I went on the date with Carla and didn’t notice you or our friends.”

“I wasn’t acting weird,” you protest. 

“Yes you were, even Jay said so,” Chan counters.

“Oh whatever, you’ve liked me for seven years,” you tease with a roll of your eyes. 

“And you’ve probably liked me just as long but you’re stubborn,” Chan says.

He’s not sure where the confidence comes from now, but hearing that you like him too just makes it feel lighter. Even though there’s no telling what happens from here, it feels good to have it all out in the open. You’ve both abandoned your coffees at this point and are just sitting on the bed like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“I am not stubborn,” you protest. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I must be thinking of someone else,” Chan teases. 

“Must be,” you agree.

“Hey,” Chan says, more serious. “I don’t know what happens next and I know you just got out of a relationship, so there’s no pressure or…”

Chan can’t finish what he’s saying when you press your lips to his. It takes him several seconds to get over the shock, though. It doesn’t matter that you admitted to liking him, too. That’s still a big step to go from that to kissing. You’re pulling away when his brain finally connects and he kisses you back. Makes him pull you back into him so that he doesn’t miss another second of the way your lips feel against his. Makes him dig his fingers into your hips when he pulls you on top of him. You pull away to gasp and catch your breath. Let yourself get situated with a knee pressed into the mattress on either side of him. All you can do is just look at him, pupils a little blown and chest rising with each breath. Loosening his grip on you, he looks down and watches his hands slide over your thighs and back up to your hips. When he looks back at you, he finds you’re watching the movement. 

“You don’t have to be so careful, Chan, I’m not that fragile,” you utter.

“I know you’re not,” he confirms. “But, are you sure?”

“About this?” you ask and he nods. “The most sure I’ve been about anything in a long time.”

He’s about to ask you again but you just shake your head before leaning in to kiss him. You’re giving him confirmation and permission all at once. Confirmation that you want this and permission to not treat you so gently. It’s all he needs to start running his hands up across your hips and then under your shirt and up your back. Your hands move from the sides of his face to fling your arms around his neck when he presses you tighter against his body. Kissing you isn’t anything like he imagined. It’s not soft and tender. It’s a little desperate and needy, but still completely full of affection. As if testing what you said about not needing to be careful, he nips at your lower lip. The light moan shoots straight to his dick and his hands travel back down your back to your hips. Gripping you tight but also making you slightly rock against him. 

It’s not enough contact, though. Now that he’s got you like this, he just wants more. It’s almost too much when he pulls your t-shirt off and he realizes you aren’t wearing a bra. Maybe this was in your plan all along. Chan pulls back and plants a light kiss on your lips, currently pouting and a little puffy from the kisses. When he kisses across your jaw and down to your neck, you arch into it. He wants to savor this, to take his time taking you apart. Wants to coax every noise out of you. Wants to be the reason you’re completely ruined. Doesn’t know that he’s already well on the way there. 

He kisses across the top of your chest, from one collarbone to the other and you let out a small please. Probably that you need more. That’s definitely going to take time, though. When he places a feather light kiss between your breasts, you whimper again, rock your hips forward over him again. It’s everything he can do to not get too turned on too fast. It doesn’t matter if you have a million more times after this. This is the first time and he wants to savor it. Slowly, he moves his lips over to one of your breasts, flicks his tongue across your nipple a couple of times. Nips a mark into your sensitive skin and laves his tongue over to soothe the sting. Your hands are tangled in the ends of his hair that’s longer than you remember it being before. Even if you won’t admit it, he can tell you like it by the way your hands keep finding it. 

As he kisses his way back up to your lips, he moves you a little further back on his lap. Misses the confusion cross your face. But, he’s got a plan. Once he’s kissing you again, one hand slides down your inner thigh and plays with the edge of your shorts. You squirm when you realize just what he’s doing. He can’t fight the groan when he realizes you don’t have any underwear on under your shorts, either. Jesus. He has to pull back for a steadying breath. This is about you and making you feel good. He can’t get too turned on too fast. His lips find yours again and his thumb runs along your slit, inside your shorts. Collects the wetness already between your legs. You try to pull away from the kiss to moan and he uses his free hand to anchor you to him. Lightly, he spreads your lips apart so that his thumb can brush over your clit. That’s when he finally let’s you pull back. 

“Fuck,” you utter immediately.

“Is this still okay?” Chan whispers against your skin before kissing the spot just below your ear. 

“Yes,” you hiss out as his thumb continues to caress your clit. 

“You can stop it if you want,” he tells you. 

“I will kill you if you stop,” you threaten, lust heavy in your tone. 

“Wouldn’t want that now, would we?” he teases.

“Stop being such a - fuck,” you gasp out when Chan slides a finger inside you. 

“Such a what?” he prompts. 

“A tease,” you finish. “Please, Channie, you’re moving so slow.” 

Instead of answering right away, he leans in to kiss you again. Captures your moans, but doesn’t increase the slow, almost lazy speed that his finger enters you. “You in a hurry?” 

“No,” you whine, “but I need more. Please. Please just give me a little more.”

The way words fall out of your mouth, begging him to carry on, makes his dick twitch. He’s thankful you don’t seem to notice because he likes having the control like this. Likes watching you squirm on top of him and knowing it’s all for him. Gives you at least a little of what you want when he slides a second finger in. Doesn’t tell you that it’s still just warming you up for something more. Something he’s been thinking about for weeks. 

“I want to feel you, please,” you beg when Chan pulls his lips away from yours again. 

“Not yet,” he tells you.

“Why?” you whine out.

“I want to taste you first,” Chan says, fingers stilled inside of you, but thumb still lightly circling your clit. 

“Can’t we just…” you start.

“Are you gonna make me beg, baby?” Chan wonders. Your eyes widen at that, both out of surprise and desire. “I will, I have all the time in the world.” 

“N-no, you don’t need to,” you stutter out. “How do you…”

“I want you to sit on my face,” he says simply.

“What?” you nearly gasp.

“I want you to sit on my face,” he repeats. “Just straddle my face and let me show you how good I can be for you.” 

“I’ve, um, well I’ve never…” you start, turning a little shy. 

Chan takes his free hand and tilts your chin up, so gentle that he doesn’t realize the act almost breaks you. “Never had someone eat you out like that?” 

You shake your head. “I, um, haven’t actually been eaten out much.” 

“Can I admit something too, then?” he asks, wanting to make you comfortable. You nod. “I’ve been thinking about what it would feel like to be under you since you got on my shoulders at the orchard and your thighs squeezed my face.”

It’s clear that’s not what you’re expecting. It’s something so honest that it’s all you can focus on. Where Chan would usually feel too exposed, he only feels comfortable with you. Like he can expose everything about him and he’ll still be safe with you. He wants you to feel that too. Doesn’t realize that you’ve never had someone take their time with you like this. 

“Well it was kinda hot, the way you picked me up like that,” you finally admit. 

“So trust me again, I won’t let you fall,” he urges. 

You mumble something under your breath that sounds suspiciously like too late. He’s trying not to focus too much on that, too much on what happens after this. All he wants is this moment to last forever. To be able to show you just how much he cares for you.

“So how do we…” you start.

“Here, get up for a second,” he directs you, gently moving you off his lap. 

In one quick motion, he pulls his shirt off and watches the way your eyes drink him in. His muscles contract as you reach out to run a hand along his stomach. Doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath and waiting for your verdict.

“Fuck me, you’re hot. I’ve seen you swimming, have you always looked like this?” you say, sounding annoyed and making him laugh. 

“Let’s get you out of these,” Chan says instead of answering and helps you pull off your shorts. 

He leans back and makes sure that he’s comfortable. Then, he directs you to straddle his face. Urges you to trust him, Promises you that you’re not going to hurt him. Reminds you that this is about you, but it’s about him, too. He’s wondered what it would feel like to have your thighs boxing his head in. To be so caught up in you. Just as you’re about to protest, he licks a strip up your core and you gasp. He continues to run his tongue up your entrance, sliding his tongue deeper into you as he goes. You start to squirm almost immediately and he reaches up to anchor your legs on either side of his head. 

It’s honestly far better than Chan was imagining. The noises coming from you were only encouraging him to keep going. Not that he really needed any encouragement. He could drown between your legs and be the happiest he’d ever been. It was unthinkable that nobody wanted to take care of you like this before. Your arousal coated his tongue as he pressed it deeper inside you between his licks. His nose bumped against your clit and he had to grip you harder again to keep you from arching off his mouth. As if sensing that he needed you closer, you leaned forward, gripping onto the headboard. He squeezed your legs and fucked his tongue faster into your pussy. 

“Chan, fuck, oh my god, your tongue, I just - fuck,” you curse out. 

He’s good with his tongue, he knows that. Knows he’s good at a lot of things. This is different, though. Every noise sounds so much better, every body spasm is that much more rewarding, every curse sounds perfect. It’s not until your body starts quivering hard that he realizes he’s never wanted to make someone come on his tongue more than this. You must be close because you start to get more incoherent, start to try and pull yourself off him. Instead, Chan holds onto you harder.

“Please, I’m gonna come,” you whine. 

Chan pulls away from your pussy just long enough to utter a single phrase. “Then, come for me.” 

And then he’s back to burying his tongue inside you, licking faster, reaching a hand around your leg to circle your clit with his thumb again. It’s nothing but a string of curses that you utter. Clench your walls around his tongue. There’s nothing hotter than how fully you trust him as you let go, coming on his face. He times the strokes of his tongue to guide you through the high before helping you off of his face so that you can lie back on the bed and catch your breath. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, fully aware that he hasn’t gotten it all, and repositions to lay next to you on his side. Your eyes are closed and he can’t help but brush a piece of stray hair off your face. The tenderness at odds with the previous moments. 

“Whoa,” you finally say when you open your eyes to look at him. 

“Yeah,” he agrees.

“That was…fuck, that was good,” you admit. “I don’t want to give you a big head or anything but damn.” 

“It’s a bit late for that,” Chan jokes. “I could feel how much you enjoyed it.”

You swat at him. “Fuck off.” 

He catches your hand and presses a light kiss to your knuckles. “Not before I fuck you.”

The contrast between the kiss and the statement nearly gives you whiplash. It’s plain on your face that you’re wondering where this version of him came from. 

“Unless you changed your mind or you’re too tired,” he offers. “I just remember you saying you wanted to feel me.”

“Oh no, I definitely still want that. I seem to remember you promising to show me how good you could be for me,” you say, regaining the confidence. 

“My pleasure,” he says and gets up from the bed. 

You’re about to ask what he’s doing when he pulls his briefs and shorts down in one motion, dick springing free. There’s a satisfaction to watching the way you take in the sight of him fully naked. He’s confident in his size, definitely confident he can make you feel good, but it’s still nice to see the way your eyes go big. Nice to see the way you swallow while watching his hand move lazy along his shaft. 

“Condoms?” he asks.

“That drawer,” you indicate. 

He reaches in to get one and rips the package with his teeth. He’s watching you as he slides the latex over his dick. Watching for any signs of second thoughts. There aren’t any, but he wants to check anyway.

“You’re still sure?” he asks.

“Yes,” you confirm, meeting his eyes. “And if something changes, I’ll stop you.”

“Good, because I still wanna make you come at least two more times before I do,” he tells you.

You shudder. “You sure you can do that?” 

“Positive,” he says with a smile that’s entirely too confident. 

Except he knows he can deliver. Knows that he can show you just how good he can be. Knows that he can make you feel amazing. He directs you to lay back on the bed and spreads your legs. Instead of sliding right in, he uses a finger to make sure you’re still ready for him. To make sure he’s not rushing it. You squirm against his finger and he can tell you’re getting impatient again. But, he wasn’t kidding. He’s going to take his time with you. 

You’re still so sensitive that he brings you almost to the edge just with his fingers. Delights in the way you arch into him. In the way his name falls from your lips like a prayer. In the way your fingers dig into the sheets at first before you grip one of his arms. Before you leave scratch marks along that same arm. Before you’re begging him just to let you feel him inside of you. It’s enough to finally make him give into your begging. He lines himself up at your entrance and presses his dick in slowly. Much slower than his finger was pumping into you. He wants to let you adjust to the stretch, though. Your hands make their way to his back and your fingers run down his muscles there. Gently at first, like you’re just exploring his body. When your fingers run down his back again, this time scratching along the way, he buries himself in you and pulls back to snap once, quick. The resulting gasp is music to his ears. 

He sets a varying pace. Mixing slow with fast. Shallow pumps with deep ones. Tries to find out just what you like the best and what pulls the best sounds out of you. He leans back so he can throw one of your legs over his shoulder and hit a different angle. That seems to be the one you enjoy the most and it’s only moments before you’re coming undone around him again. He pulls out when you start to clench around him because he’s not sure that he’s strong enough to hold back through that. And he really does want to make you come more before he does. 

It carries on like that, Chan constantly changing your positions, doing more than his fair share of the work, studying every inch of your body. It’s clear that your brain is going a little mushy and that you’re insanely overstimulated. In the end, he makes you come two more times, in addition to the two previous orgasms, before he finally lets go. It’s honestly the best release he’s ever experienced. The best high and the best sex. Everything feels magnified and also like the most natural thing in the world. He finds it’s really easy to figure out the things you like and they seem to line up with things he enjoys as well. 

He lies back on the bed and you curl into him after you take a minute to recover. Actually tuck yourself right into his side and nestle in with his arm underneath your neck. He wouldn’t ever move if he didn’t have to. But, you both definitely need to get cleaned up. 

“Where are you going?” you ask when he starts to move. Your eyes look a little worried. That kind of breaks his heart because why do you look so nervous?

He leans back onto the bed and presses the softest, most gentle kiss he’s ever given anyone on your forehead. “To get a towel to clean up a bit. And I was gonna start a bath for you, I know your tub is crazy nice.”

“A bath actually sounds really amazing,” you admit.

“Just stay here then and let me take care of you,” he insists. 

You nod and lay back onto the bed, closing your eyes and smiling. It makes his heart swell at the level of comfort you seem to feel. He also knows that you and him need to talk, to figure out what’s going on and where this is heading. Knows that he’s already in way deeper than he should be. But, all he focuses on now is cleaning himself up a bit. It’s a little hard to do, so he just hops in the shower to rinse off as quickly as possible. Once he’s done with that, he focuses on getting the bath running for you. 

When he feels like the temperature is right, that the bath bomb has dissolved enough, and that it’s all completely perfect for you, he walks back into the bedroom. He expects to find you asleep. Instead, you’re sitting up with some fresh clothes next to you. 

“I heard you in the shower,” you say and offer him the clothes when you get up. You wince just slightly. 

“Sorry,” he says sheepishly. 

“I’m not,” you disagree. Chan helps you to the bathtub and helps you in. He blushes a little when you return the favor and kiss him softly on the lips. He turns around when your voice stops him. “Where are you going?”

“I was going to let you enjoy the bath,” he answers.

“I’d like it better if you stayed here,” you admit and his heart feels like it really will explode. 

“Let me just put on some clothes,” he requests.

“You could also just get in with me,” you offer. “Not in a sexual way, just in a closeness way.”

How can he argue with that, really? Your tub is plenty big enough, a sticking point for you even if the rest of the apartment was on the smaller size. The main bathroom was massive, comparatively. So he gets in carefully across from you and settles into the water. It does actually feel really nice. His eyes fall on you moving gingerly to wash yourself off. 

“C’mere,” he says, “turn around.” 

You do as he asks and settle in between his legs, with your back leaning against his chest. He picks up your loofah and takes over rubbing it carefully across your skin. You relax further against him almost immediately, which he takes as a good sign that he’s doing something right. There’s a lot he’s done or tried, but this is new territory for him. And he wants to be good at it, too. 

Once he’s finished cleaning you off, the two of you just stay like that, you leaning against his chest. It’s a comfortable silence that neither of you feels the need to break. It’s not until the water starts to feel cold that you both admit you need to get out. This time, you actually let Chan put his clothes on and you put something comfortable on as well. He helps you pull the sheets off the bed to throw them in the wash. 

The two of you check your phones when you plop down onto the living room couch and Chan grimaces. He’s got a whole bunch of texts and missed calls from Jay. Some are from last night, like you said, but some are from today, too. He shows them to you and you show him a string of notifications that look similar. 

“Time to break the bubble?” Chan asks. 

“At least for long enough that he stops having a heart attack,” you agree. 

So, Chan dials and isn’t surprised when Jay picks up on the second ring.

“What the fuck, Chan, where are you? And why isn’t my sister answering either?” Jay asks instead of a hello.

“Uh, you’re on speaker,” Chan answers. 

“Hey,” you chime in.

“You’re still over there?” Jay asks incredulously. “How much could you possibly have to talk about?” 

“Worried I’m going to steal your best friend?” you tease.

“Or are you worried I’m going to steal your sister?” Chan asks and you laugh.

“No, you’re better than literally any person she’s dated ever. By a lot,” Jay acknowledges. 

“Oh my god, you really are just missing your best friend,” you groan. 

“And my roommate, he’s my roommate too,” Jay protests.

“We have things to talk about,” you say.

“How much do you have to talk about?” Jay wonders. “He likes you, you obviously like him. What else do you need to know?” 

“That’s between us,” you say as Chan starts to talk.

“We also didn’t talk last night because I was drunk,” he adds.

“Yeah and it’s late afternoon now, so what have you been…oh my god, that’s fucking gross, that’s my sister,” Jay sputters out.

“I didn’t even say anything!” Chan protests. 

“You didn’t have to. We’re roommates, remember?” Jay answers.

“If you miss me, just say that and go,” Chan teases.

“I do miss you, I made Vernon come over earlier and it’s not the same,” Jay says.

“Hey,” they hear Vernon say in the background.

“I think I hate this already,” you say and scrunch your face.

“Sick of him already?” Jay jokes.

“No, I don’t like you liking someone I’m dating,” you disagree. 

“Dating?” Jay and Chan ask at the same time.

“Oh, well, I just figured…” you start.

“I’m hanging up on you, bro, we have things to talk about,” Chan says. 

“Fine, but just be good to her, she deserves that,” Jay says.

“Yeah, she does,” Chan agrees, eyes on you. 

He hangs up the phone and just looks at you, unsure of what to say. Unsure of how to start figuring out what this is. You just got out of something that was really unhealthy and he’s not trying to rush you into something new or risk it being unhealthy because you didn’t heal. Couldn’t stand to be a rebound. He’s never thought this far.

“I didn’t meant to assume, I just…” you start.

“Of course I want to date you. It’s just, you just got out of a relationship and I want to give you time to get over that,” he says.

“I think I’ve been over it since the train ride, to be honest,” you say. “Maybe it took me a while to realize. But you showed me, time and time again, what it means to show up for someone you love.”

“I love you, too,” Chan says softly.

“So we figure it out together?” you ask, so hopeful.

Chan leans in and presses a kiss to your lips. “Yeah, we figure it out together.”

i'm sad this is over, but it was so much fun to write! i hope you enjoyed them as much as i did. and there's a very real chance i'll return to this with future timestamps/drabbles. but who knows when because of who i am as a person!

[captainremmington-13]

𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖚𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖘𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓

show!Luke Castellan x daughter of thanatos!reader

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the image above or any of Rick Riordan’s characters/world-building.

⚠️Warnings⚠️: swearing, angst, crying, some violence, mentions of injury

A/N: i’m sorry this took so long to write😭please forgive me

“Get back!” 

Luke’s sword was pointed directly at the Cyclop’s chest. “Threaten my girl again, and you’ll wish you never left Tartarus.”

You stood next to him, your hands curling around your weapon’s hilt tightly. You were exhausted, but you knew you couldn’t let your guard down. If you did, you would be ripped to pieces.

You and Luke had only been traveling for three days, but you’d faced at least eight different monsters. You felt completely responsible, as you knew your presence was like a magnet for them. The last time you’d been in the mortal world for this long was before you’d been brought to Camp Half-Blood, and even then, monsters were attacking you at every turn. At least now, you had your powers, an ally, and a weapon to protect you. 

Fortunately, none of the beasts that had come after you and Luke had managed to harm you. 

Yet. 

You still had about three days left before you reached The Garden of Hesperides. 

You pointed one end of your dual-ended sword at the Cyclop. It would’ve been even more intimidating if it hadn’t been wearing a cheesy graphic t-shirt that read “Live, Laugh, Love”. “One more move and you’ll be dead.”

It laughed. “You cannot kill me, puny demigod. I have lived for thousands of years, and slaughtered hundreds of your kind. And you think your little stick can defeat me?”

Your temper, which was already short due to fatigue, began to spike. 

“Fuck off,” you sneered. “You know, I was considering letting you live if you gave us some supplies for free, but you’ve really pissed me off now.” 

It cackled. “I’m sooooo scared,” it said mockingly. “Little demigod nobody threatening me? I better run and hide.”

You smiled as its ugly eye widened in horror, observing the smoky black wings appearing against your back. “Yeah, you better.” 

“So, Thanatos has sired a demigod child,” it said, trying and failing to hide its fear. “I never expected…well, no matter. You’re just as capable of dying as any other half-blood.”

Within seconds, the Cyclop was nothing but a pile of dust.

Your sword had been thrown right into its throat, sending it back to the depths of the hellish landscape that was Tartarus.

Luke breathed a side of relief, and placed his sword back in its sheath. 

“Well done, angel,” he said, giving you a soft pat on the shoulder. “We need to get out of here, though.”

“Yeah,” you glance around the sketchy gas station, searching for any other looming threats. Fortunately, it seemed to be empty. That made sense, you doubted anyone would stop here unless it was an emergency. You and Luke had only entered it because you were in desperate need of water. When Luke had tried to steal a few bottles, the young Cyclop disguised as an employee had stopped him aggressively. Then, it revealed it’s true form.

It was annoying how easily they could creep up on you.

After stealing a couple snacks for good measure, you and Luke left the building. 

“So, where to next?”

Luke looked towards the horizon, where the sun was beginning to set. “We should find a place to stay for the night. We’ll get on a train tomorrow, which should take us to Nevada. Then, we’ll only have to hitchhike for a couple days.”

He took your hand, and you began walking along the side of the road. As annoying it was to have to walk so far, it was peaceful in a way. It had given you and Luke time to further explore your dynamic as a couple.

You recognized that you had gotten…softer. You were still strong-willed, strategic, and powerful. But when you were with Luke, you naturally acted sweeter. And he brought out that side, simply by being a loving boyfriend.

You could let your guard down and be vulnerable, knowing that he would accept that side of you.

You had also come to realize that you enjoyed letting him take the lead once and awhile. Of course, you always had a say in everything you did with him. But it felt good to be cared for, to be looked after once and awhile. 

Because of the constant looming threat of danger, Luke’s protectiveness had increased tenfold. You suspected this was because of his past experiences with being on the run. You didn’t know every detail, but you knew enough to understand why he was so concerned about you. He didn’t want you to be attacked and meet a fate similar to Thalia’s.

You appreciated his dedication to keeping you safe. It was nice to know that he cared that much about you. 

Sure, it was a little scary when he got that crooked gleam in his eyes while killing your beastly assailants. But you knew he was doing it to protect you. He’d never let anyone or anything lay a finger on you. 

Besides, as ethically questionable as it was, bloodlust looked really fucking good on him.

________________________________________________

“Hey, you alive?”

Your eyes snapped open, Luke’s concerned voice capturing your attention.

After eating two bags of chips and splitting a mediocre ham-and-cheese sandwich with your boyfriend, your body began to succumb to exhaustion. You felt extremely drowsy, and all you wanted was to get a good night’s sleep curled up in Luke’s arms. 

You didn’t have enough money to stay in a hotel room overnight, so you had resorted to setting up camp in the woods. Luke had taught you how to make a makeshift tent with some waterproof blankets he’d brought along. It wasn’t luxurious by any means, but it would suffice. 

Besides, it felt more like home than Cabin 11. 

“Y-Yeah,” you murmured, sitting up slowly. You’d momentarily dozed off, lying on the blanket-covered ground.  “What were you saying?”

Luke sighed. “Never mind.”

You swallowed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you, I-“

“Angel, what have I said about the unnecessary apologies?”

You rolled your eyes. “‘Don’t do it’,” you said, mimicking his voice. You enjoyed teasing him, his face got all flushed and his eyes would become even more piercing than usual.

Luke gave you a playful glare. “You’re such a brat.”

“Am not,” you argued, giving him a cheeky smile. He shook his head, and reached out to pull you into his arms. You settled onto his lap, resting your head on his shoulder. 

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” you whispered, entangling your fingers with his. “Just the two of us, away from the chaos of camp, unbothered by gods and monsters.” 

“Me too,” Luke agreed, pressing a sweet kiss to your cheek. “Sometimes I wish we could run away from camp, so we could live a life of our own.”

“If we did, we’d constantly be attacked by immortals and beasts. Not to mention that we’d have a hard time adjusting to a “normal” lifestyle. We don’t have educations, or a place to stay, or-“

“I know, I know,” Luke cut in. “It’s just a fantasy of mine, that we could put the Olympians and monsters behind us, and be normal teens. I know it’s impossible, but a guy can dream…”

You nodded wordlessly. Luke’s warmth was making your mind shut down, begging for a chance to finally rest. 

“Let’s go to sleep, angel, you look like you’re gonna pass out any second,” he said softly, lifting you off of him and laying down besides you. He pulled a blanket over you, and wrapped a strong arm around your waist. 

Curling a hand around his bicep, you nuzzled into his chest, enjoying the intimate moment. 

“Luke?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

Luke smiled gently, pulling you closer to give you a passionate kiss. “I love you, angel. Sweet dreams.”

Within mere moments, you drifted off, dreaming of a world where you and your boyfriend could live in peace. 

.

.

.

Of course, because the gods seemed to hate you both, your blissful night didn’t last very long. 

A lycanthrope that lurked in the woods had tracked your scent, and was now chasing you at full speed. You and Luke had barely had time to grab your supplies and weapons before bolting to avoid being mauled.

“What the fuck are we going to do?” you yelled, looking over your shoulder to see the beast steadily approaching you both.

“Kill it!” Luke yelled back.

“How?”

“Create a diversion! You get above it, and I’ll distract it on the ground so you can cleanly stab it through the neck.”

You tried to avoid using your wings as much as possible. They made you feel monstrous, and they reminded you who your godly parent was, which was something you tried to forget.

But now, it was necessary. You had to use them, or risk letting the lycanthrope kill you and Luke. 

Quickly willing your wings to appear, you launched into the air silently, disappearing into the trees above. You perched on a sturdy branch, watching as Luke kept the lycanthrope occupied. Finally, after a moment, you saw an opportunity to strike.

Your weapon expanded to its full size, which was a little longer than a yard. You swooped down like a hawk catching its prey, and brought one of the blades of your sword down on its neck. Unfortunately, it managed to dodge just enough so that you cut its skin, but didn’t hit anything fatal. 

“Fuck!” you screamed, frustrated that you’d missed your chance to kill it. You swung at it angrily, which only enraged the creature further. 

Luke appeared at your side, raising his blade. “Stay back, or you’ll be cut to pieces,” he warned the lycanthrope. 

It snarled. “You’ll make a fine meal, young demigod. Perhaps by killing you both, I’ll have leftovers by tomorrow morning.”

You stepped in front of Luke, pure hatred coursing through you. Why couldn’t monsters leave you alone for one fucking night? It was completely unfair, especially because it was out of control. It was the god’s fault for creating children that were constantly harassed by vicious beasts. That thought only fueled your anger. 

You lifted your weapon and prepared to strike, but before you could, the lycanthrope lunged. Instinctively, you threw your arms in front of you, even though it wouldn’t do any good against it’s deadly claws and teeth. 

But the fatal bite never came.

When you opened your eyes, you saw a pile of grey ash on the grassy floor, surrounded by all-too-familiar black smoke. 

Had you just killed the lycanthrope without laying a finger on it?

Luke placed his hands on your shoulders, turning you to face him. “Holy shit,” he whispered, his voice trembling. You couldn’t tell why he was so shaken, but you had a feeling he was afraid. 

Afraid of you.

You really were an abomination.

“Luke…” you whispered, feeling your vision fade to black and your head swirl with dizziness.

Luke had just enough time to catch you before your head hit the ground. 

________________________________________________

You awoke to Luke stroking your hair, pleading quietly for you to come back to him. He had a square of ambrosia in his hand, and a water bottle in the other. You could see that his eyes were bloodshot. He had clearly been crying. 

When you fully opened your eyes, the sunlight streaming through the trees made you wince. 

How long had you been out?

“Oh, thank the Fates,” Luke sighed, helping you sit up slowly. He pressed a few frantic kisses to your forehead, being careful not to hurt you. “I was so fucking worried. Here, drink some water and eat this.” 

He placed the ambrosia square in your hand, and held the bottle of water to your lips. You drank slowly, the water soothing your abnormally dry throat.

After finishing the ambrosia, you managed to ask, “How long was I knocked out?”

Luke bit the inside of his cheek. “Well it’s about 9:00 in the morning now, so I’d say at least nine hours.” 

“Fuck, nine hours?” You couldn’t help but start panicking. You’d wasted at least three hours of travel time, you could end up missing the train!

You tried to scramble to your feet, but as soon as you stood up straight, you felt nauseous. 

“Woah there,” Luke said, coaxing you back to a sitting position. “It’s okay, we’ll figure something else out.”

“It’s not okay,” you argued, burying your face in your hands. “We’re gonna miss the train, and then it’s gonna take even longer to get to-“

“We’ll find a way, I’ll steal a car again if I have to,” Luke said firmly. “It’s not your fault angel, we’ll get there one way or another, I promise.”

“Yes, it literally is my fault,” you snapped. “I passed out because something really fucking scary happened with my powers.”

You felt hot tears spill down your cheeks, your insides clenching painfully. “I can kill just by getting angry enough. I’m a fucking monster.”

“No, no no no,” Luke shook his head. He removed your hands from your faced, and cupped it with his palms gently. “We were being attacked. You would have killed the lycanthrope anyway-“

“But I killed it without even touching it. No normal person can do that.”

“That’s because you’re not normal, angel, you’re extraordinarily powerful.”

“That’s the problem, Luke! I-I think my powers are developing, changing, getting stronger. I need to learn to control and understand them before someone innocent gets hurt.”

“Angel, please listen to me,” your boyfriend said, a loving look in his eyes. “Yes, you should learn how your new ability work and the extent of its power. But having it does not make you monstrous. It isn’t your fault that your father is who he is. Forget about him, he can go fuck himself. You can use this newfound power for whatever you want, or you can try to never use it again. It’s completely in your control. And no matter what you decide, I will always love you, and I’ll always be on your side. Understand?”

You sobbed, the tears flowing faster. But they weren’t from sadness or anger anymore, they were tears of happiness and relief.

“Thank you,” you whispered, sniffling quietly.

Luke brushed away the tears on your cheeks with his thumbs, giving you a warm smile. “What for?”

“For not being afraid and running away. For believing that who my godly parent is doesn’t matter. For believing that I’m still worthy of love, even though I’m a direct descendent of death.”

He enveloped you in a hug, his right hand resting on the back of your head. You clung to him, his mere presence soothing your worries. 

“Deadly or not, you’re my girl. My angel. As I said, I’ll always be by your side. Not even the gods could pry me away from you.”

You grabbed the collar of Luke’s shirt gently, and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Gods, his lips were so addicting, it was almost as intoxicating as basilisk venom. You would kiss him for the rest of time if you could. 

When you finally pulled away, you felt a lot better. Luke brushed your hair out of your eyes and stood up, offering a hand to you to help you up as well.

“I’ll help you figure out your new power,” Luke promised. “When we have time, you can practice on small plants and trees and stuff like that.  See exactly how it functions and just how much it takes out of you. Once you get the hang of it, I’m sure it’ll be less draining.” 

You nodded, gripping his hand firmly. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.” 

Luke gave you one last peck on the lips before picking up both of your backpacks and slinging them over his shoulder. “Shall we get going then? I think we can make the train if we hurry. If you get too tired, I’ll carry you.” 

You laughed quietly, leaning against his arm as you headed towards the edge of the woods to return to the city. 

“You’re impossibly sweet, you know that?”

“Only for you, angel. Only for you.” 

taglist: @orionspaperwork, @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy, @marvelescvpe, @lovingjasontoddmakemewanttocry, @louweasleymalfoy, @stars4birdie, @stargurl-battleship, @daughterofthemoons-stuff

Thank you for reading! Pls let me know what you think in the comments!!!

The next chapter will include more intense battles against monsters, as well as the reader discovering just how lethal her new power is…There will also be some fluff because I love writing cute moments lol

Let me know in the comments if you want to be added to the taglist!

[voltronisanobsession]

Can I request Annabeth Chase x Son of Phobos or Deimos reader head canons? Thanks, in advance!

Annabeth with a Child of Phobos

Ooooo new character unlocked😍😍 This is a really interesting duo and I LOVE IT

I hope you like this, I feel like I’ve been lowkey out of my game with writing😭 I have a lot of asks in my inbox rn, but I’m slowly getting through them guys, I’m getting there🙏🙏

Ok so i did a bit of reading on these gods and the POTENTIAL I SAW FOR THIS ASK WAS SO AAAAHH

I feel like this relationship would be an enemies to lovers kinda thing

OK SO

Imagine reader is the kid of Phobos cuz why not

Phobos is the god of fear, panic, all that good stuff, so obviously those traits would be passed down to his children

And a special power of Phobos is allowing those he makes eye contact with see their deepest fears,, lets say that that’s an ability that children of Phobos can do to an extent!!

So the first time you and Annabeth meet, it is NOT on good terms💀

Sent out by your father, Phobos, to mess up some quest Percy was sent on, an order from Ares himself, there's a face-off between you and Annabeth

Like, Annabeth is so ready to take you down the second you show up to disrupt their quest but she just can't seem to shake off the shivers and chills going down her body once you appear

And you already know how Percy cares for his friends so targeting someone whose close to him (Annabeth) was an open option

Cold sweat rolls down Annabeth's face at point, her heart slowly speeding up as you look toward her

The second you make eye contact with her BOOM

She immediately goes into panic mode when she feels something crawling down her hands

She can only start screaming in absolute FEAR when she sees hundreds of spiders crawling on her body, dropping her dagger to the ground and trying to swat them off her to no avail

And the worst part is that literally no one can help her because they can't even SEE what she's seeing and feeling, except you!

Yeah your meeting is the worst memory Annabeth has of you💀

Fast forwarding to after your meeting, you get caught in some trouble with a dangerous monster and dun duunn!!

Annabeth saves you because she knows its the right thing to do

And you're so touched by her action despite the literal hell you put her through after showing her worst fears that you just

Join their quest and decide to become her friend (or at least try to)

Annabeth would be super awkward and nervous around a child Phobos solely because of her first encounter with one

Whenever you try to talk to her, she just awkwardly looks at you

You see her somewhere at camp and brightly wave to her, she's doing a quick wave and speedwalking away

But it's low-key not her fault😭😭 Whenever she's around you she can't stop the way her hands get clammy and her heartbeat speeds up

It's something you can't control but you have this aura that ignites fear in anyone near you

I don't think a friendship could come from this unless you were to apologize for what happened

It could be the worst apology known to existence because you don't know how to properly express your feelings, but Annabeth appreciates the thought behind it!

After that, everything is a little smooth sailing

She would slowly get used to your presence, getting used to your aura and knowing that you most likely won't use your power to cause her harm (again)

It would take some time for you two to become close enough for her to see you in a romantic light, but you still manage to break down her walls

Your constant figure in her life makes you a part of her routine

She’d give you a nickname, something dumb like panic pants

(when Percy first heard Annabeth call you that, he made it his mission to just refer to you as ‘PP’ to ‘shorten it’💀)

Annabeth would see you as friend while on the other hand, you be quick to catch feelings for the grey eyed girl because of her witty personality

I think the small things would really matter to her if you’re wanting to up your game with her

You give her a small flower while walking to lunch because it reminded you of her

She appreciates the way you give her your undivided it attention whenever she takes about architecture

Sometimes Annabeth fees like she’s talking to much about it but seeing you listen to her with interested eyes allows her to keep talking about what she loves

She feels seen and heard when she’s around you😭

Oh my gosh if you weave her something, no matter how bad the pattern is, she’s gonna treasure it FOREVER

Having something made just for her will make her all giddy inside UGH

Annabeth is so used to being grouped with her siblings so having someone pay special attention to her makes her feel important and well, special!

This is when the game shifts, she’ll begin giving you small gifts too!!

Whether it be a small weaving of her own or a clay bowl she made herself, Annabeth wants to show that she truly appreciates as a person!!

She’s all blushy while gently giving it to you and you’re face is just RED cuz oMGGG

Let’s talk about when the relationship becomes official >:)

It could be anytime but the one I see happening is if you save her after she’s attacked while outside of camp

Inside running to get away from the threat, you stay behind and protect her while she recovers herself

Like you get BRUTALLY beat, limping towards her when she just runs to you and pulls you in a crashing cuz!!! You literally!! Risked your life to save her!!😭

“Annabeth are you alri- hmph!”

“What we’re you thinking ?! Thank the gods you’re ok! I thought- ugh don’t scare me like that again!”

Everything is HISTORY

Like you guys just naturally click after getting together

Omg wait

Ok so since Annabeth like REALLY trusts reader at this point she would let them like see what her greatest fear is, you know to solidify that trust bond😁

And what if!! What if!!!!!!!

Instead of seeing the spiders, this time you only sees glimpse of what her now current fear is, which is losing you😭😭😭

Hugging session is a must after seeing that cuz damn😭

And imagine like if your abilities were really strong you’d be able to show your own fear to someone else

And Annabeth sees your fear is the DAME except your afraid of losing her?????

UM??

That moment would leave you guys so vulnerable like??

Moving on! During battles, you both are back to back fighting together. Annabeth had full confidence in reader, like she knows she’s in good hands

No one goes near her because all the enemies are too busy panicking with what you’re doing. With a lot of concentration, you’re able to instill fear to all the monster, with the exception of your girlfriend teehee

The dating life with Annabeth wouldn’t be too different tbh

You guys still bucket with each other, throwing lighthearted, sarcastic comments but theres a more sweeter vibe

I think Annabeth still gets a little blushy with you cuz cmon! She still has a MAJOR crush on you even if you’re dating🤭

You provide her with so much confidence and happiness. You help her face her fears, calm her down when she begins panicking when something goes wrong

Despite being a child of Phobos and having such a scary ability to make people see their greatest fears, Annabeth knows that even the ‘scariest’ people have kind and gentle side

Ugh this feels like such a trope but I don’t even care cuz ITS CUTE

When Annabeth holds your hand, she no longer feels the chilling sense of fear crawling through her body, instead, now she only feels a sense of calmness and protection😭💔💔💔

[infiniteetcetera]

RAPID FIRE ACOTAR CHARACTER HOT TAKES

. [Mostly focused on side characters but thoughts about our mains too BC why not]

🔥Emerie is one of THE most underrated characters and deserved a bigger storyline in ACOSF (obviously it’s Nestas book but other side characters like Gwyn, Feysand, etc got more time that could have been hers)

🔥I don’t know why people really like Helion or want him with LOA😭 mans has let her be in an abusive relationship for DECADES & I feel like if he really loved/deserved her he would have blood dueled by now. he might make a fine father for Lucien but I don’t want to read a love story that involves a few centuries of abandonment

🔥I like genuinely wonder often if the rest of Lucien’s brothers are evil evil. Like if Eris is playing along to their abusive dad’s whims, how do we know the rest of them aren’t? They likely don’t know Eris is different so why would he know that about them? Lucien didn’t? IDK i’m just curious about more Vanserras

🔥Jurian is genuinely one of the funniest characters👀 his revival may be a little pointless but his vibes are immaculate and he’s underrated

🔥You don’t have to hate Mor for leading Azriel on (there are others reasons to not like her) but she definitely did💀aside from the fact every character including her says it we get literal scenes of it too. like she FR tells Feyre he has a huge dick and just says so many other sexual/romantic things about him that are NOT platonic, it makes sense he’s been confused AF😭

🔥Kallias and Viviane have one of the sweetest love stories in the series and I wish we saw more of them. they also just have such good vibes & if they’re gonna keep popping up for little cameos I want more deets

🔥TW SA: I won’t even argue about Tamlins wrongs against Feyre bc i’ve done so before & it isn’t worth the breath BUT it bewilders me that so many people ignore/excuse what he did to Lucien😭 aside from just the generally abusive vibes he not only ignored what Ianthe was doing to Lucien (when equally if not more depressed people like Feyre/Rhys noticed) but also made him have sex with that creepy ass predator😩 Lucien’s struggle with that is so overlooked in general but still bothers me people ignore Tamlins fault in it and that Lucien is now groveling for his friendship

🔥 While on the topic of SA, i’ve seen a lot of people in the fandom have such a gross attitude about what happened to Rhys recently. like man has plenty of flaws and has done a lot of wrong things but that’s not an excuse to make jokes about him being SA’d for DECADES especially when male SA representation is so rare and it’s dumbass jokes like the kind fans are now making that makes guys feel uncomfortable about speaking up

🔥One more on this topic, the SA Nesta experienced is also SO overlooked, even by the narrative itself. The general fact she was using sex as a form of self harm/punishment is also weirdly addressed a few times but then excused if it’s with Cassian in a way that’s so gross

🔥Feyre and Rhys having Nyx so soon was a bad decision. No matter how many people bring up the “oh they were so close to dying” “oh they don’t want to waste time” blah blah blah doesn’t change the fact that’s a TERRIBLE reason to have kids😭 like does the fact they made that decision kind of make sense given what they experienced? sure! was it at all smart or level headed or much more than a trauma response? literally no

🔥I feel like Rhys’ mom…kind of sucks? She’s spoken about more highly than any of the other ACOTAR parents but she literally forced her son to go to a child soldier camp she knew was full of misogyny, poverty, and a bunch of other barbaric practices, did nothing to help any of the other kids unless she was forced to (Rhys brought cassian home, and Az’s mom begged her to take him, she then let Rhys & Cas beat on this poor traumatized boy) and overall Rhys turned out far from perfect but actually could have been SO much worse when you think about it

🔥On the topic of bad parents KIER BEING ALIVE STILL IS SO STUPID AND MAKES NO SENSE.

[spaceorphan18]

Aggressive shipping annoys me so much - I'm scared Luke and Nicola will stop interacting or will not want to show up in future seasons anymore.. especially Luke who gets attacked for having a girlfriend everyday. I just love their friendship and I love Polin and I don't want to lose it😭😭

*sigh* Okay. Let's talk about this. Because, honestly, I don't really like talking about this stuff. (I'd rather be talking about the characters)

I'll preface this with... I don't care what the actors are doing in their personal lives. Did I watch all of the promo tour? Yes I did - because it's fun watching them (and by them, not just Nicola and Luke) do silly things like build furniture and answer stupid questions. It's a part of the illusion.

Do I need to know what they actually do in their personal time? No, I do not. Unless they're being genuinely bad people (and neither Nicola or Luke seem like that) then I do not care.

That said -- I hear you Nonny, I feel you Nonny, I getcha Nonny <3 This is now the third fandom in which I got to witness this first hand and it's not fun, and it's a bit uncomfortable. And it is always sad to see people end up in the crossfire of the nasty side of fandom.

Nicola Coughlan is a goddamn professional when it comes to handling all of this. She is just so on top of it, and I think (and I hope) that she and Luke were/are smart enough to have had conversations where they addressed how to navigate all of this. (as much as one can navigate things like this.) I think Nicola will be just fine. It's hard to read Luke because he seems like a more inward person and I haven't not interacted with any thing he's done outside of Bridgerton and the Bridgerton press tour, so I just don't know.

I will also say this... there does seem to be a genuine friendship/bond between the two of them. I reckon it's like those stories you hear about people who've been to war together and when they return, only they really know what they went through. I can only assume that filming something that's as intense and vulnerable as a romance might give you that type of bond as well. They seem very comfortable with each other -- in a way that may transcend friendship a little. But what I think the most unfortunate thing is that people (fans) don't seem to get that that bond can be special without it having anything to do with sex or physical intimacy.

And so, if I can offer a little reassurance, they both seem professional enough that it'll be through other opportunities (or, god forbid, the show deciding their story is done) that they leave the show. I think the fictional characters will remain intact and fine.

As for the actors themselves -- whose to say. So, I guess I'll offer this -- block all the idiots you stumble across. Continue to support Nicola and Luke and the Bridgerton team in a positive and respectful way. And appreciate the stuff we got. There are always going to be the crazies out there - and unfortunately, there's not much we can do about that. But at least we can continue to have a sense of decorum in our own actions.

<3 <3

[the-amazing-wonderss]

hihi!! i hope both of ur guys day is going good! This is my first time requesting so im a little nervous i read ur rules over like ten times (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠) can u pls do Kou, Nene, and Hanako reading their s/o a bedtime story >w< ty in advance :3

A/N: Omg hihi its been awhile since we last posted but we're here and alive still~!! Oh and also If it makes you feel any better, this is actually our first ask 😭??? So we're really excited and decided to have both of us write for it, aren't you a lucky anon?! Anyways I hope you like it! ⎯ Mod ☠️ Omg...a request...Hello! ^^ We added Mitsuba to the list, I felt like a silly fella while writing for him. His brain makes me insane. ANYWAY, I actually didn't write angst. I can't remember the last time I did that. Enjoy~ ⎯ Mod👻 (if tumblr eats this again, I will cry)

Content: Fluff, slight angst if you squint in Hanako and Mitsuba's part, no gender mention for reader aside from the word 'prince' and 'princess' being used. Summary: Reading their s/o a bedtime story

Characters: Nene, Hanako, Mitsuba, Kou

A story about a girl who gets saved by her prince, not in an ideal way like she wanted it to be, but nonetheless, still fell for them anyways. ⎯ Once upon a time I had my eyes set out for a fairytale of my own, wanting to feel like a hopeless romantic with the person of my dreams. But to think that the person I've been dreaming of was actually beside me this whole time... Perhaps instead of me, it was them that was hopeless in the end.

It was during when you stayed over at her house and weren't able to sleep, that she suggested she'd tell you some of the latest stories she's been reading about. Some that you've already heard of (either from her already mentioning it before or seeing it in the media) while others not so much.

When NENE talks about her stories she's very enthusiastic about it. Happy to even have someone listening to her rant on and on about something she's been dying to talk about for awhile, but it's even more special when it's her S/O ⎯ especially if they were the ones to ask her first before she even got the chance to herself.

Her stories lean more towards romance for obvious reasons. Loving the tropes to the story is one thing, but another would be because of how she likes to imagine herself in those sort of scenarios. Embarrassed to even admit it out loud, though it's already clear why she likes them so much.

And although at first she was telling the stories to you to get you to fall asleep, it sometimes ends with you staying up a little later due to her getting a tad bit carried away.

Oh but if you do end up falling asleep right before her? You won't ever see or hear about it, unless you were pretending to be asleep, but Nene is definitely the type to give you a shy goodnights kiss. Feeling brave only because you were asleep, but if not, she'd totally cover her face as she fumes at how embarrassing it is to get caught in her sly act.

A story about a commoner boy who had a princess that loved him dearly, despite his backstory and everything he deemed as 'unworthy' of their love, nothing ⎯ not even his words, could sway their view of him. ⎯ Time and time again you run and hide from me. Behind that wall of doubt and insecurities there's something that you clearly don't see in yourself that I adore so much. When will you finally come to terms and see things my way? Love yourself as much as I love you.

It's weird how you decided to nap in the bathroom. Especially his bathroom where he's poking you constantly until you tell him off.

When HANAKO is reading you a story, he has you sleeping and leaning against his shoulder. His hand occasionally shifting your head back in place when he notices you nodding off or about to fall, or maybe even just doing it to use it as an excuse to pat your head ⎯ who knows? Clearly not you.

But the types of stories Hanako tends to read to you depends entirely on his mood. Whenever he's feeling like a jokester, he'd tell you horror stories just to see your scared reaction as you cling onto him ⎯ or when he's feeling a little solemn, he'd tell the sort of fairytale that ends with bad endings to them.

Differing between those two genres the most. But on the more rarer occasions, does he switch it up to something else.

Something odd, something you wouldn't even expect from him. Something ... that perhaps convey how he really feels but is too afraid to admit it out loud? It honestly depends up to you to actually catch onto it. If not? Then you probably won't ever hear that story again from him.

A story where a ghost finds a human and wishes to stand by their side ⎯ A story where death will not part them, for they belong together. ⎯ I keep thinking that I could be good enough for you - that you could love me as more than 'friends', maybe I am a bit selfish for thinking this. Not that I could ever say it to your face.

Someone decided to be nice today and bless you with a sleepover!! At your own house of course.

MITSUBA didn't plan on reading to you but you told him a few stories of your own. He wasn't sure why he did it. Perhaps it was the smile on your face every time you started reading to him, so he returned the favor.

He wasn't sure what to read until he came up with his own idea. A short story about a ghost, since he knew that firsthand. A story with a ghost about falling in love with a human, a story he...

As he told the story, he could see your smile slowly disappear, almost as if you realized he was the ghost in the story.

"The ghost never told them how he felt."

And that was the last thing he said before being engulfed in your arms. He knew this feeling - he's felt it before. That warm feeling.

The feeling of love.

The feeling of an old memory.

A story where the knight doesn't get the girl ⎯ oh...I guess this is a different ending. A story where the knight gets the prince, and they live a happy life. ⎯ I didn't change the ending! This is how it was meant to be! I...I suppose if you prefer for the knight to not fall for the prince then...Huh? You liked it?!

KOU brought a book of short stories over to your house. He was super excited to be able to stay the night.

Unfortunately for him, you had the same book and it just so happened to be your favorite!

Kou told the story as it was written for a bit.

Until he got to the end.

The story was meant to end with the prince marrying a princess but Kou couldn't bring himself to say it. Perhaps it was because he was never the prince. He was always second.

But it seemed that you didn't mind. It does get a bit boring reading the same story over and over again, and you did like listening to Kou talk.

"I'm...really happy you liked it." He says, almost struggling to get the words out as you blush and smile.

Maybe this really was his story, and that's why he rewrote the ending. Well, you can't say it's impossible for that ending to happen.

[dross-the-fish]

OK, I haven’t read the book but why does my man Erik have torture chambers- 😭

… and does he have any in the mansion?

I feel like the presence of the torture chamber is the most clear look into Erik's more vengeful nature we can get. It's first and foremost a trap for anyone who tries to come down to his lair uninvited. The chamber is described in the book like this "little six-cornered room, the sides of which were covered with mirrors from top to bottom. In the corners, we could clearly see the "joins" in the glasses, the segments intended to turn on their gear; yes, I recognized them and I recognized the iron tree in the corner, at the bottom of one of those segments…the iron tree, with its iron branch, for the hanged men." The idea is that it would slowly get increasingly more and more hot and the victims who fell in are either slowly roasted alive or they take their own lives by hanging themselves. Sometimes Erik will play rain sounds to further torment them, possibly in an effort to get them to take their own lives more quickly. I think it's also very interesting to note that it's another example of Erik not getting his own hands dirty, he doesn't have to directly engage with his victims unless he chooses too, he can leave and wait for them to die then come back and clean up once the victim expires or has taken care of themselves. It's a matter of interpretation but I feel like it's insight to someone who has an apparently vengeful nature and the capacity for creative methods of cruelty but doesn't necessarily enjoy the reality of violence. Erik is a character of intriguing juxtapositions and even after having read the book I find him fascinating to pick a part and "solve" The first victim of the chamber is Joseph Bouquet, who falls in on accident while snooping around, and he is implied to have been driven to hang himself. At the end of the book the Daroga and Raoul fall in and only manage to escape because the Daroga finds a way out.

[eddiegettingshot]

Unless there is some huge shift in the way their story is told on screen in s8 I would be shocked if tommy isnt bones by midseason. My personal hope is they have some sort of job related disagreement during the season opening disaster and we get it done quick ana style but part of me thinks its more likely they’ll have some sort of arc leading to a break up because I think theyve established tommy and bucktommy just enough that off screen bones wont really work but also they have not developed bucktommy enough for them to have an actual reason to break up like we can read the subtext but buck is not thinking “he didnt come in costume to my costume party… we have to break up” bc no real person would think that 😭

yeah like ok we can only have this discussion so many times so i don't want to totally open up the can of worms BUT like. to an extent if you want to wave off the complete lack of development and screen time as "they're taking it slow and getting to know each other" (which is like... something you can actually SHOW. on screen! taking it slow doesn't mean we never see them interacting 😭) that's... fine. but the way i see it, buck is a main, his sexuality arc is major, and his romantic life has been at the forefront of his character from day one. if we're talking about an endgame for him, that endgame should not have shown up in 7x03 and remained virtually insignificant by 7x10. at this point you could stick another guy in tommy's place and pretty much nothing would change; his presence as a character has very little bearing on the plot after the cruise arc, or on buck specifically (buck could be kissing literally any guy and nothing would be different, but it's not like the same could be said had he been kissing someone other than taylor).

so when i say it feels like he's getting one step above the marisol treatment, i really mean it. like, all the way up until 7x07 people were willing to believe she and eddie would stay together, even though with each passing episode we were waiting for her to show any kind of independent motivation or development and got nothing. waiting 8 episodes post-introduction and for a new season to start really developing a relationship would be absolutely INSANE and like next-level bad writing, and as much as i hate what tim did in s7 i do think he gives more of a shit about buck than that lol. anyway point is that i think the options are (1) they break up and it's just a blip like tommy gets a job somewhere and buck's like oh damn that sucks. this was fun (2) they break up and it's about eddie (3) they break up and it's about the job/gerrard (4) they break up because one of them fucks up. i also suspect that the breakup arc will be the only arc they get and much like with eddisol their relationship will just kind of exist in the background until it comes time for it to be over lol (unless tommy needs to be a mouthpiece for something).

but also i could be wrong and they could elope i guess 🤷🏾‍♀️ i just kinda think tim is better than this lol and i also think he IS telling the story he wants to tell judging by the amount of screen time buck had with Some Other Guy in s7. so i don't think anyone needs to be worried lol

[spiri-a]

Spiri’s A Tale Of Crowns Rant: Wait, Uh Oh, AITA??

Okay okay okay so for those who don’t know: yes sometimes I play dating sims (free indie ones I’m not that bad). They’re usually just one off stunts that make a weekend more interesting but I recently found one that has literally consumed my ENTIRE LIFE (LIKE, IT IS ALL I THINK ABOUT) and that sim is called A Tale of Crowns made by @ataleofcrowns

I LOVE A Tale of Crowns. The lore and writing is SO FREAKING AMAZING and the love interests are EVERYTHING and it is honestly SUCH a refreshing take on dating sims that I love with all my heart. I have been telling EVERYONE who can listen about AToC in hopes of being able to discuss it with someone. (AToC is a dating sim right?? I think so??)

But anyways, the reason I started writing this wasn’t JUST to gush. Admittedly this all started because of something weird happening to me and me needing to empty out all the complex feelings here. So um here it is:

So basically my very very first run of the game a couple weeks ago I decided that this run would be an honest, very personal run. That means no looking up the correct options, no going back and changing your mind (unless it was an honest mistake), and choosing what I personally think is the best option. No matter what kinds of catastrophic events occur, I just have to deal with it. I also made sure to avoid looking at any forums or posts indicating anything about how the game works.

In this run, I romanced Xelara, who I was honestly absolutely smitten with 😭 Anyways yall don’t need to know the details but basically I kissed the girl in Ch11 and was absolutely on cloud nine when afterwards I finally read all the forums and posts I had been avoiding before.

And then I learned that I actually got the low romance route ._.

For those that don’t know, this basically means I was umm…… actually not a very good person to Xelara. Like, everyone basically agrees the player is actually kind of terrible to her in this route.

And honestly the first thing I felt was really guilty. Like, heart crushing guilt. Horrible awful lingering guilt about how I treated a fictional character (though admittedly one I care about a lot). And then I found myself thinking: “Wait, am I a bad person??”

I moped around for the rest of the day trying to understand why I felt so icky and really just being half confused half guilty. Honestly I don’t really know what happened but my best guess is:

I invested several SEVERAL hours into this run (since it was my very first go), so I treasured it a lot

Not knowing the alternative route (or how the game worked), I assumed that my run seemed to be going really well (with bad stuff happening just being written in anyway) only to then discover it actually wasn’t

In this run, I was basically playing as me. I chose what I thought was the best options and what I genuinely thought was the best things to do or say to Xelara. Thats why when I found out that they were actually very much the wrong things to say, I felt like it was a reflection of me

Now keep in mind this has NEVER ONCE felt like an ATTACK OF ANY KIND. I don’t in any way feel like I am being called a bad person. I still love AToC with all my heart and this has not affected it in any way. This is just me ranting after catching complicated feelings, and I’m pretty sure this is just me taking the hurt feelings of a fictional character unreasonably seriously and spiraling downward into concerned self reflection with a hint of desire for self improvement.

To be honest, I don’t even remember a lot of the things I chose to say to Xelara, I just know that it all added up into being very wrong. What exactly happened, I’m not sure. Maybe I didn’t understand the difference between different options? Maybe I was just bad at figuring out the subtext behind Xelara’s scenes? Maybe I was just bad at reading Xelara in general? Maybe I genuinely need to think about some of the stuff I personally say and do? Regardless it’s something for me to think about.

Anyways, it’s just something that I’ve been stewing about recently and wanted to share for transparency’s sake. Because once again I want to clarify that NONE of these bad vibes are aimed anywhere NEAR AToC. I played several more runs after this happened and had the time of my life. This is 100% me just ranting to get the bad icky energy out of my system, but I’m kinda glad I did. Ranting on tumblr is a good outlet.

I’m probably gonna keep going with that first run once Ch12 comes out, but this is probably still gonna be a bit of a tender spot, and I’ll probably end up walking on eggshells in that run now.

But that’s fine. I’m really genuinely not too bothered anymore, I just wanted to share something that I was feeling a lot of stuff about a while ago, and also partly just in case any elusive fellow AToC fans can relate to this.

If you read this whole thing, first of all that’s very flattering that you put in all that effort and, if you don’t think I’m crazy based on this post, let’s talk about AToC together!

(Of course though, I am expecting absolutely no response to this post. I am but a single post in the vast sea of Tumblr and that’s alright too. Okay now I’m gonna go back to drawing one of my fan crowns like a nerd bye.)

[suddencolds]

sending u a star!! ⭐️ sorry i wanted to go thru and pick a specific fic but im too sleepy lol but any yvescent piece u had thoughts on :D

[from Fanfic Writers - Director's Cut]

hello!!! THANK YOU N, IT MADE ME REALLY HAPPY TO RECEIVE THIS 🥹🥹🥹

I also realize am responding to this like 2 months late :') I thought for a long time on which fic to comment on, and now that I've posted Atypical Occurrence pt. 2, I thought I might as well write out my thoughts on it while they're still fresh and bc it's close to my heart (I hope that's okay hehe)

—

⚠️❗️ Warning that I will be attaching snippets from my deleted drafts below!! Please read the published installment before you proceed to read this post. This is a little embarrassing... all I can say is that those drafts were deleted for a reason 🥴

—

There’s a grocery store that’s a ten minute drive from Vincent’s apartment. 

I rewrote this scene... 3 or 4 times? It gave me sooo much trouble 😭 I think in the first draft Vincent actually tears up tasting Yves's cooking. (I know, Vincent, I want Yves to cook for me too 😭❗️)

Terrible (ugh 😭) first draft screenshot under the cut (screenshot = old draft, indented quote = current draft):

(Yves pulling up a chair at the end... you can tell he is totally at a loss on what to do 😭 and I, too, was at a loss on what to do)

I wrote this ^, and I was like... this moment just feels unearned? I personally despise outlining + I love going in (mostly) blind. Sometimes the first draft works out of the box, and in this case, the first draft (and the second draft, and the third draft) were all soooo bad that I literally had to take a month-long break to regain my confidence 😭

Anyways! I knew right away that Y was going to cook something for V (it's mentioned here and there throughout the series that he is a really good cook 😭 And in part 3 of Fool Me Twice, Yves promises to make Vincent something more ambitious than hot chocolate. He's finally kept his promise now, 12 installments later 🙇‍♀️ )

From draft 2, there was only one scene which I was sure I was going to include in the final draft, aka, spared from the recycling bin. (But I just checked the final draft and it's nowhere to be seen?? Interesting.)

I would have managed fine on my own.

On this (deleted) scene, and more broadly: I think it's important to me that Yves recognizes that Vincent is self-sufficient in many ways: when Vincent says he will be fine alone, he is telling the truth. Yves doesn't have to stay—he recognizes this too, when he heads for the door in the published draft.

Still, Yves stays, of course—initially, because he insists, and later, because Vincent asks :)

“…You won’t leave unless I eat, then,” Vincent says. He says it evenly enough that it barely registers as a question. Yves smiles at him. It’s not a wrong conclusion. “Exactly,” he says.

It was really, really fun writing the differences between caretaker!Vincent (in Fool Me Twice pt. 5) and caretaker!Yves 😊 I usually don't like to say too much on the end of character analysis, bc I like my work to be interpreted as it is: the text is canon, and everything I'm saying here is just me yapping on about my headcanons. (I have been roasted for saying this by a dear friend of mine, probably rightfully so:)

With that disclaimer: Vincent to me (I can only speculate, etc) is a very no-bullshit caretaker (he likes to enforce whatever will lead most directly to the person's recovery; he actually worries a lot, but his worry often manifests as frustration/snappishness), whereas Yves is a lot more permissive and, for the most part, manages his stress—he is the eldest sibling, after all! I think he does what he can to make it a more tolerable experience :)

“So this is just a Yves thing.” “What? Showing consideration for my friends?”  “Showing consideration is one thing,” Vincent answers. “You could have left after dropping off the files. You would still have been showing your consideration.” “I guess that’s true. But at that point, I was already here,” Yves says, with a shrug. “It seemed logical to check up on you.” “Well, now you’ve checked up on me,” Vincent says. “So you can go.” Yves supposes this is true.

Vincent takes things very literally (and I think he's actually quite aware of the social niceties around these kinds of things, which is in part why he is so skeptical to assume that Yves means anything more.)

There’s a hand on his sleeve, tugging. Yves goes very still. When Vincent notices what he’s done, alarm flashes through his expression, and he pulls his hand away as if he’s burned.  “Sorry,” he murmurs, again. And just like that, he’s back to how he always is—his expression perfectly, carefully neutral, in a way that can only be constructed. “I’m sorry.” But Yves doesn’t forget what he’s seen. “You can go.”

This scene means a lot to me!! It took a loooot of editing to hammer into place (the doc I wrote it on is titled "fixing this scene would FIX ME" haha). I think this is the first time Vincent has actively sought out Yves's comfort 😭 And he regrets it almost as soon as he's said it, because he does not do things without a good justification, and wanting something—even wanting it badly—does not feel like a sufficient justification to him. But give Yves an inch and he will take a mile!! He will take a hundred miles!! That is just the kind of person that Yves is.

I was talking with some friends previously about how I wanted to write Vincent reaching out for Yves. How I wanted Vincent to, through the haze of fever, cross a line that he'd previously not allowed himself to cross :') I think it is a time-old trope to have someone, in their feverish delirium, utter something embarrassing and utterly uncharacteristic of them, or divulge something that has been difficult for them to say.

This whole time drafting, I was thinking, how can I set up a moment like that and have it feel earned? How badly would he have to be feeling? What kind of setup would justify getting past his 590859 mental defenses? (I do not like to outline, but sometimes I do have an emotional beat that I have in mind, and then I have to work backwards to figure out the setup. This took SO much working back from, and I really thought about it for very long). I was almost sure that Vincent would regret it immediately after too 😭

Yves opens his arms out in offering, tries on a smile. “I’ve been told I give good hugs. Good enough to cure all ailments, obviously.”

Ahh, so Y offering V a hug is inspired by a fic I read 6 years ago, where a character offers another a hug as a joke and then the other character surprises them by taking it. Yves is really offering here, but I think he recognizes that joking about it will make it easier for Vincent to accept 😭

Yves has hugged a fair share of people in his life. He doesn’t think he’d be able to list them all if he were asked to. It’s different, though, being so close to Vincent—so close that Yves can reach out and let his hair fall through his fingertips. He can lift up his palm and feel the rigid line of his spine, the slope of his shoulders; he could reach out and trace the dip of his wrist, the form of his hand. Vincent’s chin digs slightly into his left shoulder. His nose is turned slightly into Yves’s neck—like this, he is almost perfectly still. Yves can feel the warm brush of air against his neck whenever Vincent exhales. He is so close that Yves is afraid, for a moment, that he might hear how badly his heart is racing.

I have nothing to say about this paragraph except that I edited it for like 40 minutes straight.

Last thing!!

“We had a habit of keeping the heat off, in the winters, and closing the windows.”

The scene near the end (where Vincent tells Yves about his childhood) is actually the scene which came the most easily to me. I also did not write it last; I jumped around. It took me around 1.5 hours. (By comparison, simply editing the scene before it took 11 😵‍💫)

I did always intend for Vincent to disclose... well, /something/ about himself. (You can tell that when I plan, that's really as far as I plan LOL)

Anyways, when Vincent wakes Yves up (after Yves falls asleep at his desk), I initially wrote it so that Yves wakes Vincent from a nightmare.

But (as direct a link to vulnerability as that might have been,) Vincent would not talk about his nightmare 😭 So I switched gears.

I also specifically wanted to write about Vincent's experience being cared for growing up. I think something that's culturally resonant with me (as an Asian American, and the eldest daughter to immigrant parents) is like, the ways families can and cannot say I love you—the quiet things that are done in place of a more direct expression of it. The way that while unspoken consideration can speak volumes, it can just as easily be invisible. But even now, writing this post, I feel like it's difficult for me to untangle the feelings and experiences I've had into something that feels sufficiently multifaceted.

Vincent has a different childhood from I do (it is probably worth noting that I do not project onto any of my characters, nor do I use them as a vessel to get my own experiences across). I think I'm just drawn to writing tricky/non-straightforward expressions of love, in general :) Sometimes that is the kind of love that resonates with me most.