#like this is not the bsd i fell in love with
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misslaevna · 1 year ago
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A little rant about episode 11
Just finished watching episode 11, and to be honest I am so, so disappointed. I'm not one to complain openly about something, but right now I feel like it's time to.
Spoilers below, also tw: personal opinion, if you can't take that, please do not read this.
Also I'd like to state that I like bsd. I love bsd, I wouldn't have a blog and a tiktok account dedicated to the series if I didn't - this isn't to hate on the series nor on Asagiri, just my two cents regarding the plot.
I have voiced my concerns to friends and mainly on discord how the current direction of the manga and the plot worries me, and I am beyond stunned that my biggest fear actually came true.
All the 'Fyodor is my comfort character' personal stuff aside, I feel like since the prison break arc started, the quality of the writing and the plot hit an all time low.
From my perspective, we got this huge buildup about Fyodor being this absolutely genius of a character. He is smart, he accounts for every possibility and there is no detail that he could possibly miss.
On the other hand, we have Dazai, who is, well, just as smart and perceptive as Fyodor.
So, we have two very smart characters up against each other, which I get why is challenging from a writing perspective, however (especially) since the intrudction of Time Cat Lady, I feel like the writing went from a carefully and logically built up plot to throwing in deus ex machinas and a looot of explanations afterwards to conveniently give the upper hand to Dazai.
I have no problem with Fyodor dying and Dazai emerging as winner (actually I kind of do because I would've loved to see the Agency or Atsushi or Ranpo take him down, but what else could have possibly happened anyways? Dazai is a fan favourite, we don't kill the money machine), however I have a bone to pick with the execution.
I think I would've loved to see a more carefully constructed plot where I can actually root for characters and actually worry for them. Asagiri pulled way too many 'oh they look dead but oh wait actually this and that happened which the reader wasn't aware of so they're not dead' shenanigas to the point where, in my opinion, as readers we simply just couldn't take any major character 'death' seriously - they'll somehow be resurrected anyways or it's gonna eventually be revealed that they weren't even dead to begin with.
And this was the case with Dazai and Chuuya here as well. To me this feels more like trying to put out a fire because of being cornered and having created characters so smart that they prove to be too difficult to write (at least in a pace fast enough for monthly chapter releases?) than actually putting effort into the plot.
All the 'well actually Chuuya wasn't even a vampire' bullshit to me was just way too fucking convenient. I'm happy that Chuuya is alive and well, but this too just served as a convenient plot point to give Dazai the upper hand while dumbing Fyodor significantly down.
I'm sorry but I didn't interpret Fyodor's character so careless (especially for someone who's very sensitive about his physical health) as to not take the antidote as soon as he got out. I didn't get to know Fyodor who would just fall for that trick Dazai pulled.
I really feel like we missed out a LOT on Fyodor with no backstory or whatsoever provided. His character stayed shallow and empty, and I'm actually really mad at Asagiri about this because he was supposed to be this very dangerous and complex villain but I feel like what we were teased with was just not delivered.
I really hope we get a more refined manga ending or that this will be better executed in the upcoming chapters.
Once again, I'm not mad about Fyodor dying, I'm rather disappointed by the way it was delivered. It feels rushed, it feels empty and it didn't live up to my expectations at all.
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kyouka-supremacy · 7 months ago
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Akutagawa looking at Atsushi from afar in official art compilation
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ssaraexposs · 20 days ago
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THE GIRL WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK...
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ennuiduck · 7 months ago
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I just want to talk about the fake confession scene a little more. Like Dazai dude, what else were you going to say? 😒 like maybe let’s revisit, reflect a little.
(Read left to right)
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bibiblocksberg1234 · 1 year ago
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They are bonding your honor
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dazaii · 2 years ago
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the chokehold this scene still has on me
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note-boom · 2 years ago
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Kyouka: dramatically jumps off a train
Atsushi: dramatically jumps off a blimp and a boat
Dazai: dramatically jumps off buildings and bridges
Kunikida: dramatically jumps off a helicopter
Guys. Please stop dramatically jumping off things
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lil-vibes · 2 years ago
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dazai absolutely uses reverse phycology to flirt with chuuya and it has never worked out in his favour, but he'll be damned if that will stop him 😭😭 (it goes something like this)
dazai, whining: wow no one wants to put an end to my miserable existence !! woe is me !!!
chuuya, filling out paperwork or something: dont worry, ill take one for the team. gimme like 3 minutes.
dazai (using every braincell available to him): oh, WOW !! no one wants to take me out on a nice date and kiss me softly under the moonlight !!
chuuya, paying approximately 0 (zero) attention to him rn: damn. cant relate at all but good luck out there fr 🤞
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sleepy-vix · 1 year ago
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i think "my day can't get any worse" but then i remember Takaya Kagami totally butchered Shinoa's potential as a character by making her fall in love with Yuichiro for literally no good reason and my day immediately becomes 10x more horrible
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linklethehistorian · 1 year ago
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So I wasn’t planning on coming out about this anytime soon, but I’m depressed as shit tonight and right now rewatching this one show for the God knows how many-th time is literally the only thing keeping me from completely crying my eyes out, so hey, I love Helluva Boss, God bless Helluva Boss, and if anyone has a problem with that, they can kiss my butt about it.
Thank you, goodnight, and I’ll probably regret this post a little bit in the morning when I’m more emotionally sober but right now I don’t give a single damn.
Love y’all. And may cringe culture die in a hole.
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bandtrees · 2 years ago
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“My only hope is for one word. A simple, trivial word from a certain person…”
bungou stray dogs is an anime that iv had a fondness for since like..2018. but only now am i doing fanart for it, as iv gotten back into it via a rewatch with my friend ^_^ akutagawa was my favorite character as a mentally ill 15 year old and continues to be my favorite character as a mentally ill 20 year old
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asterlae · 11 months ago
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FIFTEEN fem dazai re draws bc im rewatching it
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walmart-miku · 1 year ago
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Hi people have a very badly drawn incomplete yosano (that im never going to finish) bc even if I'm taking anatomy and physiology it doesn't mean I know shit about drawing people
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cecilia-stars · 3 months ago
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god this scene was so symbolic in the books. poetic, really. like chuuya's angel wings disappearing and him falling from the sky?? and then dazai catching him and basically taking away his pain? like that's a roundabout way of saying “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” but more accurately it's like. you were hurting. you fell from heaven and i caught you
but it's even more than that. it's dazai, the so-called demon, who always felt separate from others, catching chuuya, the boy who was told he wasn't human at all despite his raging humanity. it's dazai's smile at chuuya, his relief that all had gone well, looking as far as he possibly could from the demon everyone says he must be. it's chuuya, corruption gone, nullified by the only person who could, realizing it really didn't matter at all if he was "truly" human or not if he felt and fought and lived like one, safe in dazai's arms. it's like they were saving each other in a way, like only together could they be truly human and truly themselves.
it's chuuya, jumping to save his loved ones and protect everyone without a second thought, despite his struggles over his own humanity, despite knowing he'd never know if he made the jump. he realized it wasn't what really mattered to him.
it's dazai, entranced by guivre, in how easily it wiped out everyone in its path, enacting mass death just like that, realizing this could be the moment he'd been waiting for his whole life. a painless death, neat and clean; in a second he'd just be gone. and it's dazai, turning away, defeating verlaine to save chuuya; if he was gone then chuuya would have no chance of surviving, and he couldn't bear the thought.
everyone around dazai distrusted him, made him out to be "other". they were astonished by his capabilities, suspicious of his motivations, distrustful of what he stood to gain. yet the entire time, dazai's true motivations were the farthest they could be for a supposed demon; every plan he made, every action he took, it was all for chuuya. he cared about him in a way that no one would think possible from him. he only started fighting verlaine to help ensure chuuya's humanity, and he was ready to give it all up for the same. and when he helped defeat verlaine, it was to make sure chuuya would survive, even disregarding his own lifelong wish for it. and to chuuya, everyone overcomplicated dazai. he was sometimes a nuisance, always his partner, and often much too intelligent for his own good, but never the demon he was said to be.
and when everyone doubted chuuya's humanity, to dazai it was laughable. chuuya was the most human human dazai had ever known. he was so painfully human, in every word he spoke and every single thing he did, burning with passion and caring so much, caring too much. if chuuya of all people wasn't human, then who was?
they were so similar and yet so different, dazai and chuuya. on the surface, they clashed more than anyone, their personalities and tastes worlds apart. yet only they could see each other for who they really were, trusted each other to lengths unimaginable, understood each other in a way no one else did. they would do anything for the other without a second thought, and believed in each other when no one else did. partners, in every sense of the word.
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I've recently read Stormbringer and it's done things to me. I also Really wanna see it animated
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ay-chuu · 4 months ago
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DISCOVER. L, I, M, P, Say it.
!! (Self aware bsd boys)
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WARNING! Obsessive behaviour in some and angst.
A/N: Sorry for any grammer mistake i made!!
Self aware!Dazai, Chuuya, Jouno, Fyodor, Ranpo, Sigma x Gn! Reader
You really was the most airheaded human, in Dazai's eyes. Because he learned everything about you in just few weeks, while you only knew him as a popular 2d... character? Dazai knew he didnt thought himself as a human but being a non human in different world with a canon fact hurted him. He's not gonna even talking about the... writer version himself in your life. He just wanted something really clearly over his life and it was YOU. You, who made him self aware by mistake. You who made him fell for someone really. You, who made him want to live for a little longer to know you...
"Cute." Chuuya thought. You were really looking cute trying to sew a plush version of him while looking at the manga's colored page to match his features. He hated it when you closed the page tho. Yes he could always try to put himself that is connected with his... other self's but manga was the easiest one since he was origannly from here. He wondered. What would you look like in here too? Would you have powers? Would you meet him? Would you be... his love interest? Well he was never gonna know the truth. The only truth that he know was he was falling- no. Already fallen in love with you.
Jouno hated how stupid and complicated this situation was. And he hated how he couldn't do anything, even a simple thing for you. He hated how pathetic this... no he was. He fallen for you, who was a REAL different version of human. Who was in another reality. He knew that you didn't even knew what you did to him. In your eyes, he was just a character that you enjoyed... reading. Ah he guessed that life was giving him a punishment because of his brutal actions for others. How brutal....
You really wondered that if your pc got a virus or something. Because everytime you try to search or write something there was a thing that made you remember fyodor. Like when you try to an essay for your study, your computer would always write "fyodor" that any word that starts with f. Or when you opened a website you would always see fyodor's manga version. But you thought you just freaked out because... what kind of virus would do that right? Wrong. You were wrong for thinking you were wrong. Fyodor, who hacked all of your system would always make you remember who loves you most. He wanted to engrave himself into your subconscious. Because one day, when he finds a way to bring you into his universe, you would not lose your way to find him...
Ranpo had always thought he was smart. Or rather, it was like that in the past... Because ever since he met you, he saw himself as the smallest-brained person in the world. No matter how hard he tries, no matter how many times he reaches different thoughts, he couldn't reach you. While you could always reach him with a single page turn or google, he barely understood that you were from another universe... At first he thought you were just one of the games of Poe's books. He wished you were. Maybe if you were, he would never have fallen in love with you so hard...
Sigma was so surprised when he was able to discover you for the first time. But more than being surprised, he felt very close to you. Because you... were like a different universe version of him. He was born from a book. For him, you were a book that born in a different universe and watching him. The day you read the story about him and smiled because you felt close to him, he realized that he was in love with you. But if there was one part that wasn't surprising at all for him, it was that he couldn't reach you. Ah, because it wasn't just people playing with him all his life. His life was the biggest user playing with him. After all, It didnt change the fact ... he was really just a written person. In any reality.
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aureatchi · 5 months ago
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⋆ ✦ ˚。⋆ THIS SUMMER NIGHT WE FIND SCATTERED DREAMS, I ONCE AGAIN RUN IN THE STARLIGHT ft. dazai, chuuya, fyodor, sigma.
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— what it’s like to stargaze with them. (& more)
a/n. sadly, i have yet to see the aurora borealis and in general, seldom get to see the stars. (light pollution my no.1 enemy !!) but a girl can dream :) (& distract herself from the latest bsd chapters..)
info. fem!reader. fluff. soft everyone lol. some of them are nerds & ramble abt stars. :) + a little poetic. mentions of greek mythology. kissing. buildup to actual topic. profanities in chuuya’s & he may or may not use sskk to help. bsd manga/ability spoilers in fyodor’s.
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DAZAI : so in this instance, i’d be perseus, and you’d be andromeda. — he listens to everything you have to say.
Your palm in his, the brunette’s pretty fingers wrapped around yours. He softly massaged your hand as you began telling him, your starstruck lover a story under the show of constellations. It had formed into a little routine since the first time you stargazed with him as a date.
“There was this princess,” you started. “Princess Andromeda. She was a very beautiful woma-”
“You’re more beautiful, though,” Dazai interrupted. You didn’t even get in two complete sentences without his commentary. You sat a bit awestruck while he delivered a kiss to your hand.
“Continue, bella,” big brown eyes teased you.
You hastily recovered. “…She was beautiful. And her mother—Queen Cassiopeia—who was very prideful, decided to brag to Poseidon, the Greek god of the seas, that she was prettier than his daughters.”
“I mean, that’s understandable. I brag about you all the time! Why shouldn’t the pretty girl be shown off?”
“Shut up,” you chuckled, reminiscing over the times the detective had shown you off. Whenever you decided to visit the Armed Detective Agency’s office with Dazai, Kunikida would never hear the end of it. When you two went out to eat, he would flatter your name away. “This gorgeous girl would like to order…” “May I please get a table for the angelic lady and I?”
He never failed to fluster you.
“Anyway, Poseidon got angry and decided to send a sea monster to destroy their kingdom. The only way the monster could be pacified was if it could devour Andromeda.”
“A damsel in distress,” Dazai nodded and then dramatically pretended like he was the helpless princess on the ocean. He completely pulled over the blanket the two of you were sharing, using it as a cape—“Someone save me! I’m going to be eaten by a sea monster!”
“‘Samu! I’m cold!”
“Ah, sorry. Perhaps you are the princess, and you need saving from this icy night!” He rewrapped the blanket over your shoulder.
“Stop interrupting me; I’m trying to tell you something!” It was nowhere near icy, but your lover proved his dramaticism even further when a tuft of brown hair grazed your shoulder. He had rested his head on you.
“Oka-ay—sorry, continue!”
“Meanwhile, Perseus—I told you last time, the man who killed Medusa—found Andromeda while flying over with his horse, Pegasus. He immediately fell in love with her, so he slayed the sea monster and rescued her from the rock she was chained to.”
“What a hero,” Dazai said. “So they lived happily ever after?”
“Not yet. Perseus asked Andromeda’s father for permission to marry her but discovered she was already set to marry someone else. And the man she was engaged to got angry that Perseus wanted to marry her.”
“Of course,” he sighed, which puzzled you a bit, but you’d return to his comment later. “I’m rooting for Perseus, though.”
“Well, good for you because the two fought, and Perseus won by showing the other guy Medusa’s head.”
Dazai chuckled. “Nice move! He turned his enemy into his trophy. Imagine if we did that to all our enemies!”
“I think then we’d have a whole army of statues,” you laughed. “But now, he and Andromeda married, and they were able to live happily ever after.
“The gods placed them in the sky so their story would be remembered eternally.” Finished with your recount, you gazed up at the stars.
“The North Star,” you pointed, and when you saw the brunette’s bronze eyes squint, trying to see what you were talking about, you moved closer until you were halfway on his lap.
You took his palm in yours and guided it to a single star.
“That one. All the characters’ constellations I mentioned in the story revolve around that star. Perseus with his sword, Andromeda flying on Pegasus...”
“Huh? That’s the North Star? Isn’t it supposed to be the brightest in the sky or something?” It didn’t stand out from the rest as much as he thought.
You giggled. “That’s a myth, ‘samu. It’s funny you didn’t know that.”
He shrugged. “I never really had time to appreciate and learn about something so peaceful like nature until now.” He turned to you.
“Until you.”
You weren’t sure how, but it was almost as if the moonlight had carved out his pretty face. Ethereal, you had called the moon, and it reflected in your lover’s features. His eyes took in the charm of the millions of lights in the night and synthesized the feeling to bring it back to you.
“If I were one of the gods, I would’ve created a whole galaxy reflecting your soul.”
In the midst of terror and chaos, the detective’s eyes revolved around humans and their violence rather than around the sun and the planets. Eyes and soul—how else could he focus on anything else when that’s all life showed him?
“Because I see the constellations in you—Andromeda, Pegasus, Carina, Orion…” it had been a few months, and throughout you had shown and told him all the stories behind the stars in the sky.
“And now I can stop to smell the flowers, love. I can watch the Ursa Minor, even if I still find it hard to sleep.” You were the bridge to his bronze gaze and iron marrow—you showed him that you were human, but that a heart could really exist without violence or malice.
I see a reason why the nebulas are placed as they are, even if stories are just stories. I see a reason I’m here. With you.
He sealed the thought with a kiss to your lips, under the celestial moon and the heavens’ watch.
You always wondered why Dazai paid such close attention whenever you started rambling—initially, you didn’t think he’d care that much about tales of space. But you understood him a bit better now, his complex heart. You held onto him a bit tighter to him as you kissed him back.
“Oh yeah. What did you mean when you said ‘of course,’ when I started talking about Perseus having to fight over another guy for Andromeda?”
And Dazai was his lighthearted self once again.
“We’re definitely Andromeda and Perseus in another universe,” Dazai winked. “You’ve always deserved to be treated like a princess! I would totally save you from a sea monster. And I’d be an equestrian if I could too—even better, a flying one!”
“Sure…”
“C’mon, bella, you see me at those horse-racing events all the time! Anyway, most important of all, I had to fight for you. Such a tough world when every other man is also at your feet.” He crossed his arms. “Having Medusa’s head would’ve made things so much easier! I really would’ve had a whole army of stone statues if I did.”
“No, you really didn’t need it at all,” you replied, laughing at Dazai, who was now pouting.
“Osamu the demigod: slayer of monsters or not, I only have eyes for you.” You kissed him on the cheek.
“Unlike Andromeda, I wouldn’t let two men fight over me and marry the one who wins.
“I would just choose you right away.”
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CHUUYA : babydoll, you’re worth more than all those stars combined. — he only gives you the best.
“Ah, that’s unfortunate. Thank you for informing me, though,” you said before hanging up the phone.
You didn’t sue them on the line, albeit irritated. Tonight, you were supposed to have a date with Chuuya at one of the fancy restaurants he somehow discovered more of in the city when you thought you finally visited them all, but your reservations were cancelled last minute.
“Hey, princess,” the handsome ginger said when you phoned him next. You could sense a smile through his words on the other end.
“What’s up?”
“Weird-ass restaurant cancelled our plans,” you said. “Not even a refund.”
Chuuya quickly picked up on the disappointment in your voice, and he knew it wasn’t because he didn’t get his money back. Money was nothing—he was a Port Mafia executive. Stacks of bills piled into his hands every day, and he quietly flexed on it through his collection of wine in the cellar, his clothes, and gifts to you.
What he wasn’t wealthy in was time. It had been almost a month since Chuuya had any free time—the boss had been overworking him amidst never-ending Yokohama mayhem. His large penthouse actually proved to be a disadvantage when you were the only one staying in it. It was too empty; it was too quiet for a home, there was an awkward gap in the bed you slept in.
“It’s okay, baby,” came Chuuya’s voice reassuringly. “Don’t worry ‘bout some shitty-ass restaurant.
“Meet me home at the rooftop at the time we originally planned.”
“…Alright,” you replied, unsure of what he was going to do, but you were grateful anyway that you’d get to spend time with him.
“And get ready too, like we originally planned,” he added, and this time, you could imagine the smugness in his smile. “See ya soon.”
The bell chimed as the elevator approached the top of Chuuya’s apartment, signaling that you reached the rooftop.
“Chuu?” you called out as the doors opened. He was nowhere to be found—instead a pathway of candles and a trail of rose petals leading to the other side.
Your heels clicked on the ground as you slowly followed the course. It was dark towards the back of the rooftop, but the front overlooked the entire city of Yokohama.
Another quiet flex.
“Hey, beautiful.” You noticed him before the lively city behind him, before the romantic scene he had set up—the path of petals expanded into scattering around the table Chuuya was sitting at. He was dressed up too—looking as attractive as ever.
“The Nakahara Restaurant,” you hummed, taking a seat in front of him. “Not bad.”
Chuuya smirked. “Not bad? We get Michelin stars, baby. Trust me.”
You giggled. “I don’t know about that, Chuu. You’ll have to prove it to me.” It was like you had turned the tables on him. Usually, he only deemed a restaurant good if you were pleased with the food.
“Alright.” Now, you were going to rate his. You could tell he was going to enjoy this.
“You hungry?”
You nodded.
With a snap of Chuuya’s fingers, you immediately heard footsteps scurrying toward the two of you.
Two young men, one with raven hair until silver tips and the other with an entirely silver head—you realized they were waiters from who knows where—approached you with a dish.
“Appetizers by Executive Nakahara,” the first one said.
“Wait—did you cook everything too?”
“Duuh, you take this for a fraud or something?” Chuuya failed to hide the pride on his face.
The appetizer, entrée, and dessert proved delicious, and you were forced to eat your previous words.
He was talented in just about everything.
Chuuya kicked the two ‘waiters’ out of his house after dessert was served, leaving the two of you finally alone. The candlelight amid the dark sky enveloped your figures in an intimate glow.
“I would’ve been fine with even just takeout,” you laughed after taking a sip out of your wine glass.
He smiled. “As if. It’s a special night, doll, we finally have time to see each other again.”
“Exactly! Seeing you is what matters most,” you said.
“Anyway, thank you, Chuu. I appreciate this so much. And I guess you’re right—you earn a Michelin Star from me.”
Chuuya looked towards the city below you and back. “Didn’t doubt it one bit. But that’s not the only stars we’re getting tonight.”
You looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t get shocked.”
Your lover snapped again—you picked up a slight difference in it this time compared to the previous times he signaled—and suddenly, Yokohama went dark.
You didn’t know how, but the city’s electricity had completely cut off at the mafia executive’s command.
“Chuu—?”
“You’re not looking the right way.”
You had been staring at the pitch-black buildings below in fazed awe, but it seemed to have switched places with the skies as now, small scattered lights began to fade in when you looked up, your eyes adjusting to the dark.
“Chuu!” You stood up in excitement. “We can see stars! In Yokohama!”
The ginger chuckled before pulling out a folded comforter from under the table. “Here, it’s better this way. Now this is what the wine was really for.”
Chuuya had fixed the comforter on the rooftop and pulled out a few pillows so that you were able to lie down and watch above more comfortably.
“I did this a lot when I stayed in Paris for a bit,” he said, explaining how he got the idea. “But the lights stayed on 24/7 there, too, so I had to use a telescope.”
You looked at him thoughtfully. “We could’ve done that too. You really startled everyone just for this.”
As if on cue, you suddenly heard someone shout in the distance, going “Hey! Who the hell turned off all the lights?!” You and Chuuya both snorted.
“Just for you,” he corrected. “I think this is better anyway. They can handle one night without power. And I made sure the hospitals and other important establishments stayed untouched.”
It was crazy how much power the man had. “Not entirely evil then,” you said.
“Yeah, plus I was also really aiming at that restaurant that tried ruining our plans,” Chuuya smirked.
You looked back at the stars and then Chuuya again, who hadn’t taken his cerulean eyes off your face.
You lay together to gaze at the stars. But instead of those, he was looking at you.
You couldn’t stop the flurry of coyness you got. He looked absolutely stunning under the heavens—it was almost unfair. It would be if you weren’t the one who got to see him in such a state. He looked mesmerized—mesmerized with you?
“Hey, you’re going to miss it if you keep staring at me,” you said.
“I’m seeing you and those galaxies for the first time in a while,” Chuuya replied. “I think I’d rather watch you.”
He kissed you while you were still smiling, causing him to grin, too. You felt light and safe around him and the blankets, and he felt the same. All aggression and stress ceased from his head, healed by you and the moonlight.
“Y’can name stars after people too, right?” he asked when you pulled back. “I swear, I’m going to make the next scientist who discovers one name it after you. It’d be way better than those random shitty names they give nowadays.”
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FYODOR : i have the cosmos mapped out, likewise your soul. — you alone, he adores.
There was not a word said as you got into the passenger seat of the car that Fyodor was driving. He had left a note earlier that day—Zolotse, you’re coming with me on a mission tonight. Prepare what you need and bring the sleeping bags, and you had done so with little hesitation.
The sun had already gone down, but you were used to this. Initially, you had thought his job the opposite of himself—the demon was called to bizarre places sporadically and had to adapt to their settings in a short amount of time. You only realized after being with him for a while that he planned these things beforehand, and he planned them long ago.
The job was made for him—his little game of fate and chess.
He drove for around four hours straight. In that time, you had put on your favorite music, and talked with him about the usual—your latest philosophical obsession, anything interesting about his latest endeavors—you hadn’t realized you had gotten so far away from civilization.
Fyodor must’ve become nocturnal from all the time he’d spent in the dark, because it was pitch-black in all directions when he finally parked the car and you stepped out.
And only then you finally asked him. “Fedya, where are we?”
He didn’t respond, instead going to the back of the car and opening the trunk, handing you your sleeping bag and a flashlight.
You flipped the switch on, trying to scan the surroundings for any hint of where this journey took you.
“Darling, you’re quite naïve,” Fyodor said as you looked down at rocks and twigs below your shoes. “I’m concerned about how easily you agreed to let someone drive you hours out into the wilderness.”
“I’d do it only for you,” you replied, giggling. “I trust you.” Alas, he had answered your question, though you still didn’t know what he was here for.
“Follow me. We have a bit of hiking to do.”
A secret hideout? Meeting spot? Something valuable hidden here? Your mind came up with countless reasons why your lover’s current mission took place on a mountain and how he could even navigate without a map. The entire thing was strange—you hadn’t even seen him take any valuables of some kind besides a tent and his own sleeping bag.
The walk-up was a bit tedious. Thankfully, you wore the right shoes and had eaten well beforehand, but you still didn’t expect you would be partaking in exercise so late at night. It was also hard to see, the flashlights scarcely making a difference.
You came across a very steep hill; it was almost like you had to climb rather than hike up.
“Apologies for the inconvenience,” you heard Fyodor from above as he went first to ensure each step was safe. “It’ll be worth it later.”
“Ah-” You hardly had time to ponder his statement when you misstepped on a loose twig, causing you to slip. However, a hand reached to tightly grab you before you slid down.
“Careful, milaya.”
Fyodor kept your hand clasped in his throughout the rest of the trek. You finally reached a large clearing by the edge of a cliff—devoid of trees and hard bedrock.
“We’re here.”
He began setting up the tent while you looked around. There was nothing at all out of the ordinary—nothing suspicious for the demon to use. Were you really here just to camp?
“The goal: your eyes to adjust.”
Fyodor had finished and had been looking at you for some time—smiling, at the way your brows furrowed and how you were still lost with this entire night.
“What-?” you asked as he walked over to take your sleeping bag. You followed him as he set it right next to his.
“Sit next to me, lyubov,” he said, guiding you down. “I’ll tell you the secret to getting directions up here.”
He tilted his head up, and for the first time, you noticed an entire galaxy before you.
Drenched under the vastness of the dark skies and lights of the stars, Fyodor began to speak.
“We’ve used star navigation for thousands of years,” he said. “Fifty-eight stars and thirty-eight constellations that we’re able to use, but you only need to locate the Ursa Major to find north and Orion to find west.”
You nodded. Perhaps this is what he had come here to do—find directions to something that no GPS or technology recorded. He had probably taken you along just because he thought you’d admire the view and how you did. Fyodor was right—the walk-up was worth this view.
It was like you were in a trance. You had seen stars, but nothing like this before. The entire Milky Way galaxy was visible to your eyes, countless little suns that seemed barely out of your grasp, even though they were millions of miles away.
“Fedya, how many of them do you recognize by name?”
“By now, I have them all memorized because I’ve found it helpful. If an apocalypse surged the earth, they would still be there. If the world ended, they would still be there. The cosmos remain untouched by us—they watch humanity dance from afar. The nomads knew this the best—when we traveled, we relied on nothing but nature.”
You wondered how many body transfers it took for him to retain them all. There were so many little lights in the sky, it seemed near impossible to be able to gather even half in a mind’s jar. You guessed tens of years at the least, and even with that time, you knew only he could do it.
“You commend them too, don’t you?” you spoke, taking a risk in guessing his views.
“Elaborate for me.” You made eye contact with him, and amethyst eyes fawned over by the night almost enticed you even more than the entire view of the universe afore you.
“You appreciate them, and everything else that lays on the earth after the sun sets because they hold no flaw. They aren’t blemished by the foolishness of people.
“You can be at peace with them because they are perfect, unlike us.”
“You’re right. The perfect mankind would be as pure as the sun and the stars—untainted by something as unnatural as abilities. That’s how I see it, but why group yourself in such faults?”
“Hm?” was the only sound you were able to get out, when he grazed his fingers along your face, cupping your cheek.
“Printsessa, you are perfect.” He spoke smoothly, rich accent making his words sound like a lullaby.
“Your soul dances with the kosmos. Something so divine—you are the harmony of something as beautiful as what we see tonight.
“You are the only one who matches the heavens; my love, you surpass the heavens.”
He captured your lips in a kiss, and you only registered then that it was you two alone. It felt like you two were the only ones in the world with the witnesses to your love being the ends of the horizons, and that the universe who put on a show in the sky instead turned to watch you.
“Fedya…what was the mission?” you asked softly as you cuddled with him, your hands reaching for his silky hair as you lay on his chest.
You felt his smile. “You’re still so naïve, darling; you didn’t have to think so much. The mission was to bring you here. It’s been a while since we’ve gone out, has it not?”
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SIGMA : i’ve never seen it before! (the aurora borealis) — he learns what love is through you.
“Sigma, baby, let’s go!”
The man had a slightly puzzled face as he let you eagerly lead him outside, past your home’s backyard—into the hills beyond. Other than the Sky Casino, it was your favorite spot, especially when you wanted some peace away from the rest of humanity and its industry.
Your lover was utterly confused why you made sure he did not fall asleep this evening. He always went to bed far earlier than you and rose while you were still lost in dream—perhaps snoring—but tonight you insisted.
And Sigma followed, even though he was at the verge of passing out from exhaustion—managing a casino was hard. He let you take his hand and direct him, even without a clue of where you were going.
Maybe that was what love was—blindly following another.
“I have a surprise.” You slightly turned your head back to look at him, and he swore he would remember this scene forever. His hand still clasped around yours, the warm glow of the back porch’s bistro lights cast upon your face, and your sweet smile—though it was dark outside, he felt that your smile lit up his world more than all the stars combined in the night sky.
The cosmos were a new thing for him. You had introduced watching the stars to him, in this special place beyond your backyard.
Immediately after his first time learning what the Big Dipper was, and that the little lights in the sky were actually much farther than they seemed, he called for a viewing deck to be created for the Sky Casino.
That way, even on nights away from you and home, he could still gaze at the same stars, and for you as well if you wanted to visit.
“Are we stargazing?” Sigma asked as you ran up one of the hills with him. He held a chuckle to himself. You didn’t bother to change out of your pajamas. You were so cute.
“It’s a little different this time,” you giggled, setting down a blanket for the two of you to sit. Before, you would bring foldable chairs, but you realized that they made it a bit difficult for you to cling onto Sigma when you wanted to cuddle with him.
“We should start to see it in just a few minutes,” you said, looking up.
“Okay…”
The stars were there as usual. Sigma had never thought that something as pretty as your heart could exist in something physical, but that was how he saw those small lights in the sky.
If only you knew that whenever you decided to talk about how beautiful the skies were at night, he wanted to say they were literally just a reflection of you.
As soon as the clock on your watch hit the next hour, you immediately grabbed Sigma’s arm in enthusiasm.
Now he was really starting to wonder what got you so jumpy.
“Hey! Do you see it?!”
Sigma caught himself so distracted by you that he was watching your face instead of where your eyes were looking at.
He blushed when you looked at him, but thankfully you remained oblivious to his embarrassment.
“The green light! Do you see it?”
Sigma looked up, and he saw what looked like sliver of green contrast the dusky sky.
“That’s natural,” you began to explain. “It works through the earth’s magnetic field colliding with the atmosphere.
“Watch how it dances.”
A show started to unfold before the two of you. Sigma watched as the small touch of light became even brighter, transforming into a ribbon. He watched as the ribbon began to travel across the sky, overtaking the darkness. He watched in awe as it was joined by another green stream, traversing the horizons together.
“Wow,” you both said in awe.
“It’s called the aurora borealis,” you spoke.
“You can see it regularly if you travel way up north, but it’s a rare event here.
“I wanted to experience it with you.”
Sigma turned to look back at you, butterflies in his tummy and a surge of warmth overflowing his heart when he met your face—cheeks glowing from the reflection of the chasma and your eyes full of adoration.
“With me?” Sigma asked.
“Of course,” you replied, pulling him up. “Look Sigma—a new color joined.”
He glanced up, seeing that a new hue had appeared, aligning itself with the green. A pinkish light had mixed itself in, creating a swirl of paints on the sky’s pallete.
It really seemed like the lights were dancing. And Sigma thought to himself—like me and her.
You seemed to have the same idea because you had taken his hands in yours and started to whirl him around. It was messy—a bit chaotic, but he let himself be dragged along for a bit until he got dizzy, because maybe love was blindly following someone.
Eventually, Sigma started laughing, and couldn’t be thrown around any longer. “Calm down, love!” He took control of the dance, guiding your steps so that it turned into a more organized waltz.
He became captivated when he twirled you around—even though you were in your pajamas, you couldn’t look any less beautiful. He had danced with you in ballrooms, in gardens, but this unrehearsed night was the most enchanting of all.
You two danced until your feet started to hurt and Sigma’s exhaustion finally got the best of him. Now, you lay together, watching the rest of the night’s act play out.
“Whenever I look at the nebulas, I only think of you now, you know,” you confessed. “Because even if you’re up there, and I’m down on earth, we’re still looking at the same stars together.”
“I think the same,” Sigma replied. “It’s like we’re always connected in some way.”
You nodded with a smile, but you realized Sigma wasn’t finished yet.
“Actually, it’s more than that. I can only think of you when I see those things because all beauty leads back to you. I see your kindness in the sun and your energy in these colorful lights. I see your perseverance in the moon and most importantly, how many hearts you’ve made shine in the stars.
“And whatever ends up the brightest at night is mine, because you’ve warmed my heart the most.”
Your own heart was beating fast, by how your lover had spoken so tenderly to you and by the way he had rolled over towards you so that he was so close now—his lips just shy of yours.
“Sigma,” you whispered, and then you pulled him into a kiss.
It was then he finally understood: love wasn’t about blindly following another, he followed you because you were a blessing of trust, carrying the stars of devotion on your hands.
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i heard if you rb, u’ll be able to watch the stars w/ ur fav tn !! reblogs are cherished; they are what support me the most. <3
this fic wouldn’t have ever seen the light, weren’t for @cheriiyaya (hi); thank u bby for encouraging me start to finish. <3 a lil prompt inspo for dazai & fyodor from her. ^_^
p.s. did i imply a past!love triangle in dazai’s scenario? yes. was i referring to the fyozai ‘til death we do art love triangle? maybe..! actually, for some rzn, i included many things here that foreshadow other fics coming soon. stay tuned :)
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