#bungou its one of those things that i remember from time to time but that i end up fogetting again bc of some other obsesion

[asterlae]

FIFTEEN fem dazai re draws bc im rewatching it

[originalaccountname]

Uhh i just finish stormbringer and i didnt quite understood Rimlaine relationship im sorry if this comes off as annoying its just that i read some of your analysis and you explain thing very good, thanks in advance 💗

Their relationship is complicated and contradictory. Ultimately, their lack of communication (both in talking and listening) dug a hole so deep between them that they both had to die before it was fixed.

I'm gonna attempt a timeline to break it down, so you can see what happened. This got way too long despite my best efforts so I'm putting it under a cut:

At an undisclosed time, Rimbaud, a spy/special agent working for France, goes to defeat a mad scientist and ability user, Pan. Pan had created a sort of puppet, named Black No12, who could manipulate gravity and obeyed him blindly. Rimbaud managed to cut the link between them, and Black No12 turned against and killed his creator and master.

Rimbaud took Black No12 under his wing as a fellow spy for France. He trained him and made him his partner. He gave him a name, his name from before he changed his identity to become a spy: Paul Verlaine.

Rimbaud wanted the formerly brainwashed person he found to be independent. Despite his origins, Rimbaud wanted Verlaine to feel human. He was his friend and wanted him to be happy.

Verlaine, on the other hand, was haunted by not being or feeling human. He felt lonely and isolated, and Rimbaud pushing so hard to make him feel human only rubbed salt in the wound. But he didn't tell Rimbaud any of that.

Rimbaud gave Verlaine the hat right before their operation in Japan to retrieve project Arahabaki. The hat had a special ability alloy woven into it meant to make sure no outside instructions could be used to brainwash him again. That was Rimbaud trying to guaranty Verlaine complete agency, one step closer to making him human. This was only a grim reminder of what he was to Verlaine. After the lukewarm reception of his gift, Rimbaud starts to feel permanently cold.

When they got (what they thought was) the artificial human from Project Arahabaki out of the lab, Verlaine was taken by the Bungou Stray Dogs curse of seeing yourself in other people and wanting to save them to save yourself. Verlaine told Rimbaud he was taking the child and going into hiding to raise him as a normal human being, to protect the child from the same pain he felt. Rimbaud, who hadn't realized how his dear friend suffered, still didn't understand and tried to reason with Verlaine that they couldn't possibly turn their backs to their home, and that the child would still be with them in France.

This poor communication resulted in Verlaine feeling trapped and choosing to shoot his only friend in the back. They fought and Rimbaud got the upper hand before he got surrounded by the lab's guards and desperately tried to use Arahabaki to defeat them too. This ended in the Suribachi incident and his loss of memory. Verlaine still had enough strength to stop Arahabaki/Chuuya's rampage before vanishing who knows where.

Fast forward 8 years, Fifteen happens, with Rimbaud, now permanently cold, who got some of his memories back. Rimbaud wants to know more than anything what happened to his partner and friend all those years ago, and is even willing to kill Chuuya (and Dazai) for it. As he dies, he remembers what happened that night while they were escaping, and how Verlaine chose to shoot him in the back over Chuuya. He tells Chuuya that he was probably human all along, and to live no matter what, before vanishing into thin air.

One year later, and Verlaine has found Chuuya and decided to try again to take him so they can be lonely together. He's trying to both isolate and protect Chuuya in a twisted sense of responsibility and kinship (and the power of projection). When Verlaine finally loses himself to Guivre, he manages to tell Chuuya about how he stopped Arahabaki 9 years ago in Suribachi so Chuuya could do it to him now. Chuuya understands from this that Verlaine might have felt lonely and oh so bitter about the world, that he might have hated his existence, but he had found friendship in Rimbaud and wished to save the world in his name. One person had been worth it, so he couldn't just destroy it all.

After the fight is over, Verlaine is dying from Guivre's energy having been depleted by Chuuya's efforts. As he dies, Rimbaud appears: Rimbaud has created a singularity with his own ability at the time of his death, maintaining his mind alive in his subspace by absorbing himself as his ability on loop. He's like the Old Boss was in Fifteen, just a puppet, not a human... but he's still Rimbaud. And Rimbaud wanted his friend to live and be happy.

Rimbaud apologizes for not understanding Verlaine's struggle with humanity and incidentally handling it badly. Then, he passed on his ability, now a singularity, onto Verlaine to replace Guivre as his source of life: a lot less powerful, but enough to keep him going. Rimbaud tells him he's glad Verlaine was born because he got to meet him, and disappears for good.

Verlaine realized then, way too late, that he really cared about Rimbaud. Rimbaud spent a whole year as something that wasn't human just for the chance of seeing Verlaine again and apologize to him. That got to Verlaine too. Since then, he's been hiding in the Port Mafia's basement, uncaring of the world, and mourning his friend and the friendship he passed by without knowing.

In the shortest, in-novel words possible:

[kyouka-supremacy]

Hello there 👋

Can you talk about why you feel the way you do about the female bsd characters? (including the female characters you like) and while I don't think the author doesn't know how to write female characters I think the biggest problem with the female characters is that they're underutilized and barely have much screentime ( the most one we saw recently having screentime currently in the manga is teruko)

Hi!! I love you all SO much but seriously I don't have the mental stability to talk about why the bsd female characters are badly written ahah. Here's my best attempt at it:

I hope it's enough for me to say there's a female / male characters proportion of like 1:10, and no female character has any real repercussion on the plot– literally. Besides from Kyouka and Lucy and maybe Yosano? you could hypothetically erease every other female character and... Realistically, nothing would change. That's just how much irrelevant all but three female characters are, and there's already very few compared to the rest of the male cast. The four main / most popular characters are all males. Dazai is openly sexist and it's just kind of there never to be addressed. Akutagawa is repetedly violent with his female coworker and it's treated as a gag (like you DO realize how repulsive it is to write a character who is obsessed with her abuser and never be intentioned to elaborate on that because I guess that's what women are supposed to do according to author? Like. okay). But honestly the main issue for me is how each of them literally gravitates around another male character. God, it's SO annoying. And I mean every single of them!!! Every. single. Every single!!!! I struggle to come up with even one exception to the pattern. Kyouka has Atsushi as her savior, Lucy has Atsushi as her savior, Higuchi is obsessed with Akutagawa, Naomi is obsessed with Jun'ichirou, Gin literally exists because of Akutagawa, Alcott is just there to aid Fitzgerald, Margaret's only role in the story is to save Hawthorne, Elise is just expression of Mori. Teruko is a person in the body of a child who literally drools over her 50-something superior, like we hadn't as a society come to the common agreement that the “not as old as she looks” trope was disgusting pedophilia apologism like ten years ago (but it's okay though, because pedophilia was established to be okay in this manga at like, chapter 15 or something) (is this the good time to bring up that time Aya asked Kunikida out? No? Okay let's just collectively pretend that never happened). Do I need to go on? I haven't read Gaiden, but do I really need to read it to know Tsujimura gravitates around Ayatsuji? Oh wait, I was just remembered about Gaiden's full title: Bungou Stray Dogs Gaiden: Ayatsuji Yukito VS. Kyougoku Natsuhiko, and if that doesn't speak of the consideration author gives their female characters, I don't know what does. It's just– no female character is ever going to have their own novel. No female character is ever going to be protagonist. They'll just keep being treated as they've always been so far, like flat and personality-less disposable plot devices.

Now. I love Yosano's backstory, I really do- I think it was the best executed arc of the manga, reading those two chapter still gives me chills. But you do have to acknowledge, Yosano herself has no agency in the entire arc development. It's okay, she was eleven, it's natural; but she is just tossed one way to the other by other characters. That, and I can't stretch it enough, is not a bad thing on its own; not all stories have to scream #womanpower to be good stories. It's a good story. But you need to acknowledge it does nothing to empower female characters' role in this manga; it just speaks once again of it being a systematic problem, how author can't write female characters like they were masters of their fate if their life depended on it. And it's not that just because there's one (1) mini arc that happens to have a female character as its protagonist, author knows how to write female characters with depth, or agenda, or an objective, or personality, because... They clearly don't.

Like. I probably became annoying by now but like. When was the last time you found any bsd fan whose favorite character was a woman? When was the last time you found people describing themselves as a Lucy kinnie? If you ask me, it's not a matter of fans' fault for overlooking female characters; the female characters in this franchise are meant to be overlooked, because they're abysmally less stretched out and complex compared to their male counterparts– because male characters are distinctive and unique, while author can't go outside the range of one-dimensional femme fatale, letal woman (Yosano, Kouyou, Teruko, Christie, Gin / Lucy / Elise too to an extent) and woman who's just there to obsess over a male character (Alcott, Higuchi). But do not fret, because author will sometimes go outside that scheme by making a letal femme fatale who also obsesses over a male character! (Naomi). Also this

(Have you ever wondered why I never talk about Beast Gin? Yeah.)

Okay but you see the problem here? You see how it's impossible to make the same kind of argument for the male characters, because they're all diverse and various and multilayered as much as their little screentime allows? Higuchi doesn't exist outside Akutagawa, Lucy doesn't exist outside Atsushi; but it's not like you can say the same goes the other way round. That is, crossing out the various parallels drawn between male characters, but that only speaks more of how precisely curated male characters are, while all female characters... I'll be honest, aren't written as people. Author really sounds like your average Washington Post best selling psychological thriller author of the week that writes women like an alien species from another planet. It would have spared me having been writing this whole post for an hour (two hours? Which is definitely not the time I wanted to spend on this, man) if only author would have formed the thought, at the start of the serialization: “perhaps! Perhaps I should write women as people instead of writing them as female characters (whatever that means)”. Alas, we ended up with the infamous Naomi description from Untold Origins (what the fuck. who in their right mind would ever think of writing something like that. what the fuck.)

Now, I know if you're here reading this you most definitely like bsd. It's okay, really. Unpopular opinion, but people are perfectly allowed to like things that are flawed (and this is a big flaw). What's extremely important, seriously, I'm on my knees begging you, is to be critical of the media you consume. All kinds of media. Even if you end up disagreeing with me on this matter, really!! Just be able to tell apart the things that make appealing a series for you from whatever kind of agenda / worldview the author is pushing through, and peacefully acknowledge you can like something despite it having issues (because bsd has issues). I don't know who needs to hear this, but someone definitely does: “I love s/kk!!” “the bsd storytelling has many compelling aspects!!” and “I recognize the bsd writing has flaws some of which actively harm an already disadvantaged part of society” are statements that can and should coexist, and if anything - and I know you hate to hear this, I'm sorry, I'm sorry - it should be kept in mind when deciding to support the franchise by buying its products.

One final note is that like... I'm sorry if this comes off as pretentious but I seriously feel like people have NO idea what media with well written female characters look like, because for people to even question bsd being sexist is just insane to me (in the way: do we really need to to talk about it, isn't it obvious like ten seconds in the show??). And this is probably the least good place to advertise things, but please do yourself a favor and read The Promised Neverland and learn what well written female characters read like.

[victoria1676]

Sagau Brainrot: Reader having the same abilities as Nakajima Atsushi from Bungou Stray Dogs

(Reader is Female here unfortunately so i apologize for those who want it non-binary or gender neutral TwT)

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Heyo its been a while

Its 2am in the night time but i was lucky to finish this yet i am very tired especially i just finished midterms and still have to make 7 assignments due next week ugh DX

Anyways please enjoy this brainrot that I tried my best to expand it 😭 I'll work on my other brainrots soon and my story as well when i have the time but currently im very packed this month ugh TwT

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So like I haven't watched Bungou stray dogs in long time and im avoiding Season 4 due to the fact i have already read the manga and knows that Season 4 is the darkest arc including i guess there is a chance season 5 will also be dark if i remember the manga correctly 🤔

Have I read the Beast AU or read it?

N OT U N D E R M Y W A T C H

My personal reason is that i was able to get a summary out of it and since that summary made me cry and learn what happened to Beast Dazai I cried the fact i loved him so much and that au was painful 😭😭

But anyways this is my personal opinion however if you want to read Beast AU Bungou Stray dogs I recommend that you guys prepare tissues cause the angst of that au is very sad but if you able to handle then props to you UwU but i can say is that the au is very interesting and I don't mind you guys reading it UwU However you must read the Original Bungou Stray Dogs since Beast Au is the parallel universe of it. The manga is currently still on going but the Anime is out by 3 seasons and season 4 currently coming out soon.

So yeah lets go to my Brainrot UwU

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Warnings: Mentions of Abuse

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So this won't have the creator au thing this time unfortunately but it is more like I want to go back to the original concept of what sagau a.k.a self-aware as I am referring to the self-aware au were no god reader but just a regular reader who plays the game and is not aware the charas are self-aware and they are all fond with her whether it is platonic, romantic, possessive or obsessed with her.

As I mentioned reader has the abilities of Atsushi from Bungou stray dogs and has the same past as him however it's a bit different for the reader as her past is something I came up a bit sad about but not something excruciating to add since we all know how Atsushi's past is like especially you can see the worst of it in the manga 😭

Beast Beneath the Moonlight will not be an ability since the reader is not from the BSD world but this ability is something like a curse that the reader has to go through in tough times and has resented having it because if she wasn't born with it then she would have never been given up by her parents to the orphanage or thrown to such pain of being thrown back to the orphanages after all her previous foster parents deemed her a "Freak" or "Monster" and so on but they very physically hurt her since the reader was a very like a normal kid a first glance only these parents got the taste of fear seeing her curse.

Luckily around the age of 12, she finally got herself adopted by a person who is a writer and was one of the people who was like her, having a strange curse or rather an ability. It took time for the reader to get used to her new father and slowly trust him as he did not even react badly to seeing her transformation except he decided to help with her powers. Now grown up and able to live a normal life and keep a secret of her powers, the reader found herself loving a certain fantasy game called Genshin Impact that was recommended by her friends.

The game was very amazing and Reader loved it so much and also ignored the huge negative side of the game and tried to enjoy the lore and exploration.

Only she found herself Isekai out of nowhere.

There are endless possibilities about how Reader will appear in Genshin and I had to revise this many times LMAO

So like I decided she has been in the wilderness for like a week and there have been rumors spreading to all Teyvat of a strange dangerous Beast that usually prowls or appears at night time either running around or scaring away Treasure hoarders and sometimes the Fatui. And I guess it is up to you guys who would find her first OwO!

I feel like everyone would be fascinated with Reader’s transformation and I am sure there have been times reader suddenly gets cats attracted to them causing poor Venti to sneeze so much due to how many cats are near reader XD

Reader be getting along with Diona or any cat-like hybrid. As someone commented, the reader is like them, in which the reader fires back at them saying "I'M A TIGER NOT A CAT!"

But honestly people would find the reader 's abilities very fascinating.

And then they realize the reader could heal her wounds after some panic, getting stabbed or injured and trying to take her to a healer but instead her wounds healed rapidly.

I also imagine readers have similarities with Atsushi but personality wise it's up to you guys how you imagine a reader's personality is like with having the same Abilities like Atsushi.

But yeah what do you guys think? XD

This will have part 2 soon but a different version.

Part 2 will mainly be a cult au where the reader does not control the charas in the modern world but the reader is born in Genshin and is still a god but I guess it's still a sagau but a bit different since cult au and sagau are similar yet different I guess 🤔

The reason why I sound a bit excited in Part 2 of this brain rot? Because reader will be in the Fatui 

But she will be someone who is usually in the shadows doing most dirty work and is always near Tsaritsa like a Shadow UwU

I won't spoil much but you can ask me more of this brain rot if you like XD

So goodnight! ^^

[leelesbo]

that helped a lot thank you so much hkjfghdg i definitely wouldnt have thought to do some of that, literally making a list of it to make sure i remember. due to distance reasons, we're currently long distance (but planning to visit soon, so all the stuff for irl is very very helpful), but since you offered to help more, do you have any other things that would be good for over the phone or via texting? some of what youve said ive picked up already and been doing, but just anything that might not be obvious to think of. or any kinds of pics or videos that would be flustering to see? he gets too shy to request for anything but i dont have any problem sending stuff like that, and ideally i'd wanna take more for him that lean into knismo stuff.

and thanks for saying its sweet hdfgjdkfj i wanna do my best for him and thought asking someone else might be the best place to get ideas. dont apologize at all for how much you wrote, it was all genuinely very helpful and insightful

YES OFC!!! im more than happy to yap >:3

okok so over text teasing Is Different but still essentially the same. and having such an easily flustered partner honestly makes it easier

so, if this is the kinda thing yall are into, i like my tickle teases over text to be almost like a play-by-play of how the other person would tickle me if they were there. this might sound weird, but genuinely something that’s really helpful for this is reading tickle fanfic. dead serious. because these authors go into detail of how characters are tickling each other, the extremely specific spots, how characters might react to spots like that, all the methods of how to do it and it’s written so you can take inspo for texting!! for non-knismos i can easily see how it’d be difficult to fully visualize the specifics of how to tickle someone when you’re trying to write it out, so genuinely a helpful tool is taking inspo from good tickle writers!! i’ve found a lot of good fics on ao3 and tumblr from critical role, magnus archives, bungou stray dogs, mha (a lot of the fics with the ADULT CHARACTERS are really good shut up), and many more, but if u want any specific recs lmk!! (im literally not even in those fandoms i just love the way a lot of the tickle fics in those fandoms are written hdjshf)

so, like i said, a play by play. how you’d get them in the position where they’re about to be tickled (maybe you pinned them, maybe you want them tied up). anticipation is a huuuuge factor. the buildup works knismos up like CRAZY, it makes us feel more sensitive and it literally does make us feel shit even over text. tell him how you’d hover your fingers over specific spots, maybe lightly tease his worst/favorite spots with just a single finger until he’s begging you to get it over with. it’ll get him squirming in no time, trust me.

again, being specific it’s important, at least to me 😭😭 talking about the way in which you’d tickle spots is great. pinching ribs (especially if you’re pinching each specific rib and working ur way up or down), scribbling over sides to make him squirm, one finger in each underarm, digging ur thumbs in the pockets of his hips. just saying “i’ll tickle your hips” isn’t really be enough (again, at least for me!! personal preference 😌☝️) so if you’re able to figure out methods he likes best, it’ll work wonders for you.

also!!! sending stuff!!! if you find out spots he really likes, sending gifs or clips of people being tickled in those spots is a great way to get him blushing!! especially if u tell him that’s how ur gonna get him when yall visit :3 pretty much letting him know you’ve been researching and finding videos/clips/gifs so you’ll know how best to tickle him when ur together is Great

if you’re wanting to send something of You to him, i’ve seen a lot of lers make videos of them . tickling pillows? or just like, hand videos in general (wiggling their fingers n shit lol). i think wiggly finger videos are really cute and pretty flustering but the pillow thing isn’t really my cup of tea, just depends on what ur partner would prefer :) idk ive just seen stuff like that floating around here so if u think he’d like it u could try that out lol

alright!!!! again, hope that helped any, and if u need anything else hmu again bc im happy to help!!!! yapping abt tickling is my specialty

[amorelray]

#4. Bungou Stray Dogs🐕

‼TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE‼

I feel like I have all & nothing to say for Bungou Stray Dogs😂 There are some characters that I love dearly in this show, but also the whole plotline itself is so intriguing to me. This show really felt like it had a little bit of everything that I really enjoy. Also, once again - PLEASE look up the music for this show🎶 Lily - one of the endings - is one of my favorite ending songs I've ever heard for an anime.💙

The dynamic between The Detective Agency🔍 and Port Mafia🌑 is amazing. Never before have I felt like I've seen a show write out two entities and their dynamic/relationship so well. Both of these have felt like 2-sides of the same coin and I absolutely love it. Each has their own identity and identifying factors of who they are, how they operate, and what traits they carry amongst their people; but at the end of the day - I truly feel like they function well together. It's a very intriguing and interesting dynamic to watch unfold throughout the series. It's been one of my favorite things to watch as characters sometimes cross the lines between each entity and some people feel like they belong to both for different reasons and at different times.🤔

I wholeheartedly love MOST of the characters!💖 I think that the characters in BSD are all very loveable in different ways. In fact, when I started the show and first met Dazai, I remember thinking to myself "oh gosh...don't fall in love with this suicidal maniac." And what happened? Dazai is one of my top 3 favorites in the show.🙃 I also very quickly fell in love with Rampo from The Detective Agency and Chuuya from the Port Mafia! Those 3 are absolutely amazing to me and I love their personalities down to their very last atom. ❗SPOILERS❗ Plus, the banter that I get to witness between Chuuya and Dazai absolutely kills me😂 The utter nonsense that Chuuya has to put up with from Dazai is outragious and so comical. But I love their dynamic so much because even though they fight with each other and constantly talk about "wanting to kill" the other - time and time again, they are seen working together as a perfect unit; with sincere trust.

I also love the way that the powers work within the show and that you can see characters slowly develop and hone their "abilities." Each power is tied to the character themselves, but also is tied to a famous piece of writing that the character did in real life. If you haven't watched BSD, each character is based on a famous author.📚 I think it was super cool to add that aspect to the show and pull inspiration from these (now-deceased) authors! Each author ties into the ability each person has, their name, and even what personality traits they possess. ❗SPOILERS❗ For Instance: - Dazai Osamu was an author who, countless times, tried to take his own life and was obsessed with trying to commit suicide. When he did finally die, he died alongside a woman who was expected to be his sweetheart. this information plays HEAVILY into Dazai from the show as he's seen consistently trying to off himself and eventually speaking/singing of a "double suicide" that he'd like to commit alongside a beautiful woman. Also, Dazai's ability is called "No Longer Human," which was a work about a man who felt like he was incapable of understanding other human beings and eventually had a failed attempt. In the show, Dazai's ability is used as a nullifier for any and all other abilities, but the book still ties into Dazai's worldview. It plays in this way because Dazai speaks over and over again about how he feels like his life has no meaning and therefore doesn't understand how others live.

I could honestly go on and on about how well this show is written for its plotline and characters. So, instead, maybe give it a watch and see for yourself!😊

[popopretty]

Gakuen Bungou Stray Dogs - The First Half (Part 1/?)

Links to other parts: Part 2

I decided to do a translation of the au novel that was included as a bonus in the DVD/BD of the anime. The novel is called Gakuen Bungou Stray Dogs (Bungou Stray Dogs School) and is consisted of 2 parts, the first half is included in DVD/BD Vol 2 and the second half is in Vol 8. It is about 80 pages in total. It has also been adapted into a story in the game Bungou Stray Dogs: Tales of the Lost so you may find the story familiar.

Below is some of the notes I would like to read before proceeding.

- Please buy the DVD/BD to support the authors if you can.

- I don't mind if you use bits of it for analysis or credits, but do not repost the whole thing out of Tumblr.

- Feel free to retranslate it if you want, but keep in mind that my translation is not perfect as I am not fluent in neither English nor Japanese.

- I am translating casually at my pace so I can't promise when the next part will come out. But I will make time for it when I can.

That's it. Happy reading!

The season of dancing cherry blossoms.

A boy is running along the road to his school.

The boy’s name is Nakajima Atsushi. An ordinary high school student who came to this school with his great ambitions, and with nothing special except for his noticeable white hair.

It is seven in the morning.

He is running down the sloppy way leading to the school, out of breath.

He is going to be late.

It was a bad idea to take a shortcut by a different route than usual just because he overslept a little. To make matter worse, he just started living in this Yokohama this month and it is still a strange land to him. Sometimes, he still forgets the route to school that he just managed to remember one week ago, yet he decided to go straight for a steep bank thinking it would be a shortcut. That was his first mistake. Where is this place? He has no idea.

Atsushi deeply regrets it. At this rate, his brand-new uniform will be stained with mud from the bank. He has to make it in time for homeroom at any cost.

That thought makes Atsushi a little restless. Using the school spire that can be seen from anywhere in the area as a landmark, he continues to run forward blindly. That is the second mistake. He could have just asked someone how to get to the main gate of the school, instead of running a straight line towards such a landmark like a spire. That is because for Atsushi, it is somewhat embarrassing to ask others for directions.

Eventually, Atsushi arrives at the school.

He has arrived but he cannot get in. Because the place he arrives at is the back of the school.

In response to the recent increase in security awareness, the back of the school is now surrounded by a high steel fence. This must be behind the gym, Atsushi takes a guess. It is a long way to the back gate, even farther to the front gate. This is bad, Atsushi finally realizes. The clock on the spire that he can barely see from here tells him that the class is about to start.

There is no choice but to climb up. Atsushi decides.

That is his third mistake.

Atsushi grabs his fingers through the gaps of the black iron fence, and climbs up like a gecko, while making sure not to tear his uniform.

Atsushi has no great strength nor outstanding talent, but he is super strong physically for some reasons. Just like a wild animal, he easily climbs over the fence and lands on the school ground. He makes a weird sound upon landing but fortunately for him, as he looks around, no one seems to have heard it.

It is April now. The rows of cherry trees in the campus are literally singing the spring songs of the world. The flower petals are dancing just like in a movie set. Atsushi runs to the school building.

Then he passes by a huge cherry tree.

It is a magnificent tree. Its overhanging branches are three times the length of those of the other trees. The flower petals tremble in the refreshing morning breeze of spring.

This is where he makes his forth, also his biggest mistake.

He stops there.

Because an unbelievable thing catches his eyes.

From the tree whose outline are highlighted even more by the backlight, something is hanging down.

Or, more precisely, “someone”.

Ah, this is something I should not see. Atsushi thinks reflexively.

The thing which is hanging down from the giant tree by something like a rope, no matter how he looks at it, is not a big bagworm. It is too big for that. It is swaying in the wind and squeaking like a heavy pendulum.

He should have ignored it and walked away but Atsushi reflexively stands still.

And thanks to that, he is able to observe that “someone” more closely.

That is a tall person. Messy hair. From the fluttering uniform, he seems to be a student of this school too. The rope is completely hooked around his neck.

Atsushi’s heart is thumping so hard it hurts. Cold sweats are gathering on his chin.

I have to call the teachers. No, I have to report it first. No, ambulance first!

Atsushi takes out the cellphone that he just learnt to use recently and tries to make a call with his confused brain and his trembling fingers. Wha.. What should I do? Wait a minute, what number is 119?

At that moment, the body starts speaking.

“Woaaaaahhhh…. I slept so well.”

He says so as he swiftly unties the rope and drops himself straight to the ground.

“Gyahhh!!!” Atsushi unconsciously lets out a strange voice in shock.

The tall person tosses away the rope that was tied around his neck, stretches his back, cracks his neck and suddenly strikes a pose by himself. That’s when he notices Atsushi.

“Hey you over there.” The person says, “Yes, you. I’m talking to you.”

Atsushi nervously looks around, praying that the guy is calling to someone rather than himself. However, there is no one but him here.

“You. Put your phone away.”

Atsushi looks at his hand. The phone he was trying to use, is now dialing.

“Huh? Eh? Ah?”

“I told you. Could you please turn it off? I’ve had this a lot. This kind of misunderstanding.”

“M…misunderstanding?”

“What were you trying to do?”

Atsushi is pathetically honest. When he is asked, he answers honestly. “What? … I was trying to call an ambulance…”

“Where is that person who looks like he needs an ambulance here?”

Atsushi finally gets it.

The young man in front of him acts as if nothing has happened. Even though no matter how you look at it, he clearly was putting a rope around the cherry tree to try do… “that”. Even though the red traces of the rough rope are still there on his neck.

What the hell is this? What does this even mean?

“It’s a pain, you know. People like you who made hasty judgements and misread the situation. There are bad days when I was offered flowers and steamed bun under my feet.”

“Eh?“

“I just ate the buns.”

“No, no, not that.” Atsushi waves his hands exaggeratedly. “You said it was a misunderstanding… so that means you were not ha…hanging yourself?”

“I was hanging myself.”

“What?”

“Hanging for health.”

Ahhh… So that’s why…

Atsushi is almost convinced for one second, before he jumps up and says, “There is no such thing!”

“If you don’t know, I will tell you. I have been obsessed with suicide ever since I was a kid. Drowning, jumping, electrocuting. I have tried all kinds of suicide methods, that my body ended up developing a tolerance to suicide. Just a slight and little lethal dose won’t be able to kill me anymore. It can’t be helped so I have no choice but to hang on the trees in the campus every day to sleep. It is super convenient because I don’t have to go to and from school. It is also easier to fall asleep. In addition, it has so many benefits, such as stretching your spine, improving blood circulation, removing toxins, and activating the immune system. You should definitely give it a try.”

“I won’t.”

“People say it a lot, you know: If it is for your health, it is okay to die.”

“No one says that!”

Atsushi is confused to no end. This person looks completely fine. But he doesn’t understand anything other than that. He has an idea that the other was telling him that everything was okay because it was not a suicide and also explained the reason to him, but the explanation part just slips right off the surface of his brain, leaving him totally clueless in the end.

At that moment, the first bell rings, indicating that classes are going to start. Atsushi comes back to his sense.

“Nooo! I’m late!”

He jumps up, remembering the situation he is in. “I’m late for class!”

“What? You are getting all worked up about such a thing?”

“Such a thing” is quite a way to put it, Atsushi thinks to himself. Judging from the uniform, this guy must be a student of this school, too. If so, shouldn’t he be just as rushed as Atsushi when the bell rings? As he gives the young man in the uniform that look, the other smiles suggestively.

“It makes sense if you are late for half a day. But this much? There is no need to rush. Okay then, this is not my paying back for causing you troubles, but I will teach you my method to prevent being late.”

“Huh?”

Method to prevent being late? A question mark pops up above Atsushi’s head.

There is no preventive measure for people who are about to be late at this very moment. The first bell just now was to mark two minutes before the start of class. Even if he runs from here, he will not be able to make it in two minutes. This is not something that can be solved with a little preparation or tricks.

“What is your name?”

The young man points at him, so honest Atsushi answers honestly.

“Nakajima… Atsushi.”

“Come with me, Atsushi-kun. My name is Dazai Osamu.”

Dazai Osamu. Atsushi repeats the name in his head.

“You look like a new student, right? Then let’s go, to our school.” The young man named Dazai chuckles as he says that.

“Let me tell you about the many strange and bizarre people of this school, and suicide enthusiast is not even one of them.”

Somehow Atsushi feels as if he has been fooled by a fox.

He will eventually understand.

That “the many strange and bizarre people of this school” is neither a metaphor nor an exaggeration, it is literally what it sounds.

***

A scary thing has happened.

Things went exactly as Dazai said.

Atsushi entered the class a whole 30 minutes late, yet he received no scolding nor punishment. He smoothly went in like the air, and after exchanging a word or two with the teacher, he was assigned to his seat with no problem.

Atsushi looks at the piece of paper in his hand as if he is daydreaming.

A tardy slip.

That is what Dazai gave Atsushi.

The document clearly states that his late arrival is reasonable, with the signature of the teacher giving permission. It has today’s date and Atsushi’s name, too. It is a genuine certificate, no matter how you look at it. As long as Atsushi has this, his late arrival will be treated as fair.

This must be magic.

How in the world could Dazai prepare this kind of document?

The mere sight of someone hanging themselves first thing in the morning is quite enough for a traumatic event that can scar the witness for the rest of his life. But to see the hanging person come out completely fine and cast some kind of magic to turn his late arrival into nothing? No one would believe that. Who in the world is that student Dazai? Is he even real?

In the mean time, the morning class passes by in a flash.

The boy sitting next to Atsushi in class was sleeping the whole time. He is a classmate called Miyazawa Kenji. He was sleeping with an extremely peaceful face and showed no sign of waking up even during recess. He looked so relaxed. Is he okay? Why is no one waking him up? Atsushi felt a little restless but Kenji finally woke up just before noon as his stomach started to growl. And after that he was taking classes so normally and happily. It seems that he didn’t sleep in class because he is a delinquent or a rebel. He just slept because he was sleepy.

How wonderful it would to be if I could live like that, Atsushi thinks.

Just like that, the morning passes and the bell rings for the lunch break. While everyone starts leaving their seats one by one to go for lunch, all of a sudden, the math teacher who has been teaching the class until just now approaches Atsushi and says.

“Nakajima Atsushi. Come to the staff room. I have something to talk to you.”

For someone who sees himself as an ordinary and timid high school student like Atsushi, being summoned to the staff room must be the biggest incident of the century. He may look like this, but he is just a shy boy who has been keeping his head low and walking as quietly as possible just so as not to cause troubles or be noticed by the teachers or the delinquents, even since he attended this school one week ago. Now that he is being called to the staff room by himself and having absolutely no hint why he was being summoned, he cannot keep his calm at all. Atsushi’s temperature drops steadily. His arms and legs are shivering, and the long tuft of hair on his right ears is shaking with fear.

“Excuse me.”

Everyone in the staff room looks at Atsushi as he makes a 90-degree bow and enters the room. That alone is enough to make him break out in cold sweat.

Atsushi tries to stand firm on his shaking legs and walks toward the math teacher that called out to him a while ago.

“What can I do for you, Kunikida-sensei?”

As Atsushi says so, the teacher, who is sipping Japanese tea, glares up at him.

“What can you do for me?”

The math teacher called Kunikida looked at Atsushi with the sharp eyes behind his glasses. That is the gaze of Kunikida-sensei, known as one of the most terrifying looks among the teachers’ in this school. Female students who try to start a normal conversation with him end up crying sometimes. His rectangle glasses do not help with softening the atmosphere at all.

“Nakajima Atsushi, right?” Kunikida-sensei speaks slowly as he sits on his chair. “What is your relationship with Dazai?”

“… Eh?”

The question comes from such an unexpected direction that Atsushi, who was just called to the staff room and met with such scary eyes that he was thinking of crying, can’t get it for a moment.

“I said Dazai. Don’t tell me you have forgotten. Didn’t you get this tardy slip from him today?”

Now he remembers. About the magic tardy slip that has saved him from being late today, and the authorization signature of the teacher in charge. It is no doubt Kunikida-sensei in front of him, whose name is written there. In other words, Dazai has had this Kunikida-sensei write that tardy slip?

Come to think of it, he is pretty sure that Dazai said he was going to get a tardy slip for himself too, which means this Kunikida-sensei has issued the tardy slips for both Dazai and Atsushi.

Tardy slips can be issued only for unavoidable reasons, such as sudden illnesses, events, or family issues. There are no justifiable reasons for Atsushi, who was late because he arrived at the back door and had to climb up the fence, or Dazai, who was just hanging himself on the cherry tree. In other words, this Kunikida-sensei has issued a justifiable tardy slip for Atsushi’s unjustifiable late arrival.

For what?

He doesn’t know.

Atsushi thinks about it, but he can’t understand, so he expresses his gratefulness without thinking much. “Thank you for issuing the tardy slip for me.”

“Thanking me for what?” Kunikida pounds the table. Atsushi jumps up.

“Are you one of his kind, brat? He is a demon who always pulls out my weaknesses from absolutely groundless sources and threatens me for tardy slips. Every time he appears out of nowhere, he shatters my plans and my ideals into pieces before disappearing again. The other day, he appeared right before my payday and somehow found out how much I was paid and even used a mistake I made on the night of the teachers’ year end party to threaten me and…”

Kunida suddenly stops as he notices the looks and whispering from the surrounding.

Then he stays still for a moment as if his battery has run out, before letting out a big cough.

“Anyway.”

“Yes?”

I want to hear a bit more of that story, Atsushi thinks.

“His… Dazai’s personal conduct is an eyesore to me. But he always has his escape route prepared and manages to get away cunningly. On top of it, he has a position in this school, so even teachers cannot expel him as we wish.

“Position?”

“This.”

Kunikida says as he holds out a piece of paper.

That paper, printed in an official layout, shows the activities records as well as incomes and expenditures report of a certain organization.

“Student Council…”

“I am the advisor there.”

Atsushi stares at the name of that Student Council.

What a strange name for a student council. That’s what he thinks.

The paper has the names of the Student Council members written on it. And Dazai is one of them.

“I have been thinking about this for a long time. I need a bell on Dazai’s neck.”

“A bell?”

“A bell that rings when he moves. His methods are deeply-rooted and unbelievably ingenious that there is nothing I can do to punish him. For the time being, I will put you under his wing, brat. Report to me when he tries to do anything.”

Atsushi makes a face showing he is troubled and wants to refuse. Kunikida who sensibly observes that tells him that he will cancel today’s tardy slip if he refuses. Atsushi therefore has no way to retreat.

Still, Atsushi thinks to himself.

A group with that Dazai as a member, and with a name that smells danger on top of that. This student council might not be an ordinary organization at all.

The innate animal instinct sends a chill through his back, making him shiver. It is the right intuition.

Atsushi then takes another glance at the name of the student council written on the paper.

“Armed Student Council”.

***

<To be continued>

[helbramstrauma]

Current Top 10 Anime Favorites

10. Madoka Magica

This was higher on my list last time but I've decided to move it to 10th. Sailor Moon was my first anime, so once I started getting into darker stuff Madoka Magica was a great bridge. I love deconstructive, almost ironic, type animes. Something that goes against your original expectations.

9. Assassination Classroom

I believe this is the same placement it got last time. Ass class is truly timeless and is comforting and devesting. I find myself in the mood to rewatch it often so it's kind of a staple to me.

8. Devil is a Part-Timer

Another comfort anime of mine, though it is not my go to to watch for comfort (That's the royal tutor which isn't in the ranking but is still amazing check it out!). I'm not a big fan of Isekai but this is the exception.

7. Fruits Basket

This is new! It was not on my previous ranking but it has broken the top 10. Going in blind was one of the best decisions I have ever made, I didn't even know about the whole turning into animals thing. The fact that it can make cry of laughter and sadness is impressive. And to my therapist the Cinderella-ish episode is a good coping mechanism.

6. Moriarty the Patriot

You may have noticed that Bungou Stray Dogs is no longer on this list. It is true that I am a classic literature nerd, but I have been reading Arthur Colan Doyle's Sherlock since elementary school. I even named my cat after Moriarty! So just seeing it from a different perspective made me so happy! Even though I have read some works from Dazai, Chuuya, and the others but I read these books in my youth and it brings a sense of nostalgia for me that Bungou does not.

5. Haikyu

I believe this moved up in rankings! The reason it has risen the ranks is because of how often I rewatch it. It is something I can never get tired of, so it is special in some way. I don't even like volleyball but oh I love these teams!

4. Wonder Egg Priority

Remember when I said I love animes that are not quite what they seem, Wonder Egg fits that. Usually I don't gush about animation, but this is an exception, the art work is beautiful and is the whole reason why I started it. Also we do have lgbt representation. It is oddly relatable in ways, also it has its uplifting moments. Truly a phycological masterpiece in my opinion

3. Sk8 the Infinity

Ooh, we are entering the top 3, Sk8 in so many ways is close to my heart. First of all the dub cast is amazing, and it made me buy a skateboard. Also I have started watching professional skateboarding! It also taught me the "x-games" is a real competition not just something said in a vine.

2. Hunter x Hunter

So Sk8 and hxh switched positions since last time. However I find myself rewatching hunter x hunter a lot for a 148 episode show. Hunter x hunter is one of those things that it just gets better the more you watch it. You will always miss a detail and you can discover more parts about it during each watch through. It makes the show so rewatchable.

1. Higurashi: When They Cry

Have I started the remake? No. It is because I am scared it will disappoint me. The layers of this show is incredible, along with the world building and the twist and turns. People say it is hard to comprehend, but I say you aren't meant to understand everything it adds to the mystery. Also once you finish the second season, and you rewatch the first it changes the show. Watching higurashi for the first time is something I will never experience again.

Again these are just my opinions please don't send death threats. I mostly do this for myself so I can see how my taste changes over time (08/2021)

[sweetleaf-cafe]

Hello and I would like a match-up if that's okay!

I have shoulder length brown hair and hazel eyes, gender is an illusion and my top kins are sigma (bsd) poe (bsd) celestia ludenberg (trigger happy havoc) kenma kozume (hq) and cherry from sk8!

Im a quite person and spend a lot if my time on tge internet

I like to draw, old paintings and coloring manga panels!

Im a pisces ISTP 9w1 my moral allignment is true neutral

I enjoy learning languages

Its very hard for me to find motivation and still cant tell tge difference between platonic and romantic feelings

For Bungou Stray Dogs, I match you with Ranpo! You both would get along due to your quiet nature and love for art! He'd praise your work and would often give you sweets as a reward. Whenever he is solving a case and the detectives from the Police force are not being agreeable he asks you to draw them in a silly way just for fun but in reality, is impressed by your art and is always asking you to draw him. If you give in, then he'll save the drawing in the little safe he uses to protect his sweets! You try to get him to learn whatever language you are studying but in the end, it just turns into a cuddling session. Ranpo may not seem to pay attention, but he will remember what you do manage to tell him before getting completely sidetracked. During one of those times when you can't seem to find any motivation, he is right by your side helping you get out of bed, and get ready for the day. He also takes you out to do many things most of the time relying on you to get there due to his sense of direction. He finds your internet skills enchanting and tries to learn how to use the internet, but his internet skills are as bad as his direction. You sometimes steal his glasses and pretend to be him, he finds it cute but doesn't say that out loud so he doesn't ruin his reputation (everyone knows though). Though, if you're by yourselves or just with Fukuzawa, he will happily indulge you with praise. Ranpo loves his sweets and that includes you!

[loudlyunladylike]

Am drinking water!! I have a 32 oz water bottle in my room at all times cause its hot as shit here (I was gonna send a picture but then i realized theres such thing as reflections so...) And I ate, don't know why my brain hates me

Also your theory about the notfis is so fucking funny to me CICNDOSNSKS "HEY JERRY *SMACK* WAKE UP WE NEED TO SEND OUT NOTIFS FOR LOUDLY--UNLADYLIKE"

And yeah kids growing up too quick AAAAAAAAAAAAA UEUEUEUE I literally have a list of names from series who have kids who grew up too quick/basically child soldiers/just things kids shouldn't go through and definitely have trauma now:

Homestuck (god the amount of shit they go through...), BNHA, Owl House, Gravity Falls, RWBY, Danganronpa, Little Nightmares, OMORI, every Persona game but especially 3-5, Undertale & Deltarune, Oneshot, Outsiders (specifically c!Oeca and c!Krow, as I think they're canonically the youngest, based on the ccs ages), The Umbrella Academy, The Hollow, Invader Zim for Dib (because even though it's like a comedy, Dib is straight up not having a good time), Arcane, IB, Life is Strange even if they're all college students, Twisted Wonderland (god especially Idia, Riddle and Azul... I mean pretty much all of the characters have had a bad time but especially those three and especially Idia. God Idia's story... ueueue), Madoka Magica, mostly everyone in Bungou Stray Dogs, Promised Neverland, and finally the last one I remember is Uki (and Fulgur! I almost forgot Mr. I live in a post-apocalyptic dystopia where they perform life changing surgeys at like 6 which is fucked because one of the surgeries is replacing their eyes with optical implants.... i forgot if thats the one that happens at 6 but its still fucked) because his lore backstory??? OUCH emotional damage,,

Good good!! That's a bigass water bottle let's go!! I hope your headache feels better soon <333 Also yes, we love sleepy Jerry here, he is part of the lore now I have just decided

And GOD that's a lot, all so fucking heartbreaking, even the ones I haven't watched or looked at before I bet just fuckin hit god!!! Incredibly heartbreaking trope, makes me want to cry a lil and give the characters the biggest hug, they deserve it, they deserve a hug.

[heretic-saint-taliesin]

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs (BSD)

Word Count: 1877

Pairing: Andre Gide and Hans Christian Andersen

Rating: 13+

Original Toyhouse Blurb:   Hans visits Andre's grave

Warning for mentions of death and abuse, particularly previous relationship abuse. I mean if you know the plot you know why Gide is dead anyways.  Set post Dark Era but before main story.

Read it Below!

I do not forgive him.

I could never forgive him.

But, even then, something still brings me back to pay my respect to his memory. A part of me that still wants to remember the man I knew before he fell to despair. No matter how many times I scold myself, or I remind myself that he did something despicable that could only be paid for by his death, I return to that same churchyard. I still wander the many graves to find the one with his name inscribed upon it and kneel myself beside where he lies. My finger still traces the lettering, reading the name aloud. And I remember him.

Andre Gide was not a good man. But, then again, no man is perfect. I am not perfect - I still forget to eat three meals a day and there are copious innocents who have died because of my actions. Sometimes I forget to shut the window when it rains and I end up activating my ability in an inconvenient place. I’m not perfect. He wasn’t.

But, I do believe that there was good in him, at times.

Today the churchyard is empty, save for a slight breeze. I think there is rain in the air, but I’ll stay as long as it is safe. A few drops warning is enough before I’d have to run for shelter - though if I’m alone… Briefly my mind considers just letting it happen. I can still sit beside him even without my legs after all. It just might be a little cold. But again, it’s a risk.

The grass is well kept, and it's mostly dry. I can feel it rustle against my boots as I walk. Around his headstone it’s much shorter, and the church staff have done a lot to keep it free from weeds. The only displeasing sight are the wilted flowers laid across the mound, the remnants of my last visit here. Kneeling, I brush them away, laying the new ones in their place.

Blue roses. Unnatural, but he always liked them. Andre would tell me they reminded him of my hair.

I liked that.

“Wherever you are, I hope the weather is better than it is here.” my own voice is alien to me when it speaks french. I’d only used it with Andre, (at his insistence that I do, he claimed I never stammered in it unlike in English or my mother tongue) and since his passing I found less and less reason to remain familiar with its sound. Danish could never leave me, of course, and I used a mixture of English and Japanese with the young ones back home. French had become solely associated with my being here.

Fitting, in a way. But I keep talking, despite the nervousness filling me.

“I brought another blue rose, just for you Andre. I think I must be the favourite customer of the flower lady, she thinks I must have an admirer. I see her so often.”

Hardly. Seeing as I cannot, despite knowing I should, move on.

“I told her about you, Andre. She thinks you sound wonderful… I don’t think I want her to know what you were really like…”

He had good moments. He truly did. The Andre I knew before… Before The Order and the Port Mafia, he had been a good man. A man I admired and even overlooked the shortcomings of. Sure, he was brash and loud spoken, incredibly stubborn and would insist on overworking himself to the point of collapse. But there was something about his determination, the way he would have time for every member of Mimic no matter the rank or experience. Something about the way he would smile and let you know you were doing the right thing.

Sitting myself against the cold stone headstone I allow myself to sigh, and to drift back into those memories.

Mimic wasn’t something I had a choice in joining. It was that or continue to live under the abuse of my tutors back in Copenhagen. They had never understood my condition, nor did they want to learn of it either. Andre saw my gift and he offered me a lifeline I never expected. At the time I had no idea what Mimic might want with a merman, but I had little time to think. I joined almost without question, and out of a growing respect for the man who had promised me I would amount to more than just a scholar with an aversion to rainy weather.

He took me aside during my initiation training and asked me if I’d like personal help with understanding my ability, given that it was more difficult to control. That was when I first realised something different was striking up between us.

“There’s something about you when you’re in the water that inspires me, Hans. You always seem so at home there, relaxed. Like your true self emerges when you embrace your ability…”

I shake my head and pull myself out of that tangent before I went too deep. A small laugh escapes me and I turn my head just a little to read his name on the headstone again.

“I bet you’d laugh your head off if the rain catches me and I end up stuck as a fish beside you.”

The words fall on silence. But in my head I imagine him laughing at the suggestion. I’m actually rather tempted to let it happen.

“Where did I lose you, Andre. It was long before you let Odasaku put a bullet through you, I’m certain of that.”

I’m not a stupid man. I knew from the very beginning that Mimic was by no means a peaceful or moral organisation. We killed, we captured, we fought, much like all the other ability user groups across Europe did. We scrapped like starving dogs over the last pieces of meat, barking for dominance and attempting to undermine others in the hope of possible gain. I worked as a spy, so I saw for myself that other ability groups were exactly the same. All hiding behind the belief that they were the ones doing the right thing. We were all the same, just waiting for one of the groups to make a fatal mistake so we could move in for the kill.

It was Mimic who made the mistake in the end.

Something changed in Andre after his organisation was framed for genocide. By that time we’d become closer and more intimate, so I saw for myself the light had left his eyes. His smile, though he still tried to, was more forced. The way he watched as we brought home our fallen friends, he would say goodbye personally to every single one of them, apologising endlessly that such dishonour would forever mark their passings. Andre was more reserved, our conversations became more abrupt and solely about business. Eventually he took to avoiding contact with the rest of us altogether, and I think that’s what hit me the hardest. Andre had always been so open to me, given our feelings, and to be pushed away by someone I’d let myself trust broke my heart.

But even I couldn’t have realised what was to come from that. The bait that lead us to Japan, and the altercations we had with the Port Mafia. By this time Andre had broken me off completely, and we walked separate paths. But my heart still kept me close to him - even bringing myself to Japan in the hope I could talk some sense into him. He had become obsessed with the notion of a noble death. An honourable soldier’s death consumed his thoughts and actions, blinding him to any advice or warnings I had for him. I saw the signs, I watched him falling deeper into despair…

A wet drip hits my nose and jolts me out my thoughts. Rain? No.. a tear. Small relief, I wasn’t about to become a fish out of water. When had I started crying though? I’d been so preoccupied I barely even noticed.

“Doesn’t matter though in the end,” my voice finds me again. Slowly getting used to the french intonations and words. Though I’m sure, were he here, Andre would have pulled me up on some kind of grammar error I hadn’t even noticed I was making.

I’d always vowed to have him learn Danish. Small paybacks.

“I lost you to your own desire to die, and nothing I could have done would have brought you back to me. Andre… If you can hear me…”

I feel my body take a breath on instinct, my subconscious wondering if I truly am about to go through and say what’s been on my mind for months. “I don’t forgive you. I have to say that to you.”

But God. It tore me apart to say it.

“What you did. What you did to children, it was despicable. Andre… I thought you a better man than that. I will never forgive you for it, and nor should you ever be forgiven.”

But it hurt. I still, despite everything. Despite how I was tossed aside for a worthless ideal, how my love was destroyed for the sake of dolce et decorum est. Something, something inside me still wanted that man back. Wanted him beside me. To just have one last chance to see that smile of his.

To have him say he still loved me even when he was in despair.

Hopeless.

I lay the blue rose down beside me, but another splash lands on my glasses, fogging the lenses. Not a tear this time, my head snaps skywards and I can see the clouds pulling in. One drop becomes many, spattering into my hair and darkening the material of my clothing. Far too quick to run and find shelter from.

My skin’s reaction is instant, and I feel the rush inside me as my ability activates itself. Instinctive, and uncontrolled by myself. Though I can help the small hitch of breath and soft moan as the transformation takes place, I refrain from it. I’m alone, and if Andre’s spirit is watching me change he already knows I find the process of turning just slightly more pleasurable than I would want people knowing.

It only takes a few seconds, and I’ve ended up awkwardly sprawled across the grave of my former lover, half naked, and now from the waist down is my tail. Legs and clothing vanished to god knows where whilst the rain falls over me. Anyone who comes by will get the shock of their life, but I can’t find it in me to care. Once again my hands reach for the blue rose, closing my eyes and hearing his voice. So loud I almost want to believe he really is speaking to me, and not just my imagination.

“Blue, matches your hair Hans. I think of you whenever I see them at the flower stall.”

God. I’ll never forgive him. But I miss him.

[yokelish]

Worth millions.

Remember that? Back by popular demand. Reworked, improved, but only miserly so. And with chapter two coming soon~

✏ Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs ✏ Characters: Nakahara Chūya, Dazai Osamu ✏ Word count: 3,650 ✏ Warnings: swearing, smoking. ✏ Part I; Part II

Worth millions.

Chūya narrowed his eyes at the figure near on the pier. It was close to midnight and no sane or law-abiding citizen would wonder around those docks alone. He did not expect a fight tonight but would be willing if it come to that. It was, after all, his mess to deal with. And whoever was standing in the way would be crashed by gravity. Chūya took a minute to observe what the person on the pier was doing. If it was some vagabond scaring them away wouldn’t be an issue. At first glance it seemed the figure wondered around the pier aimlessly — looking around to satisfy their curiosity or satiate the desire to observe small beauty of the world, —but only at first. Nakahara didn’t have to waste another minute to understand the person on the pier was looking for clues, evidence. And that was Chūya’s job. Then, it wasn’t a simple-minded wanderer or a drunk wondering in the moonless night. This person had a purpose to be here.

“You better know how to swim,” Nakahara said with a dangerous cadence. With his silhouette shrouded in darkness, he knew and meant the danger emitted. There was no escape from the pier unless they wanted to swim. Or face him. He had no issues with either option.

“Shiiiiit,” the voice uncertain echoed. “I’m taking too long.”

Chūya smirked and moved closer, slowly, biding his time. There was no need to be hasty with this interesting encounter. It was rare for something interesting happening on the job in the dead of the night. Someone else was here with the same purpose. It couldn’t be boring. But he wasn’t planning to let them go. If they were a part of those thugs that dared to challenge Port Mafia, there was only one way out for them.

“Port Mafia, right?” the voice asked, refusing to move, standing their ground. Intimidation was only present in their voice, and Chūya wondered if he was carefully toyed with. Pretending to be frightened before making a move.

The stranger raised their hands in surrender. “I am not looking for a fight,” they continued talking to him confident that they were listened to. The pier wasn’t enough for the two of them. Nakahara came closer, close enough to recognize their features in the moonless dark.

“That’s unfortunate,” Chūya said, smirking. “I might be.”

The person didn’t say anything, didn’t back away from him or step close as if kept there by stubbornness, ignorance, or blind bravery. Instead, they reached inside their pocket. And if this stranger thought a gun could scare Port Mafia, they were both wrong and stupid. A figure dressed in black and wrapped in deep-red glow, For the Tainted Sorrow. Suddenly, the dark space between them brightened. It wasn’t a gun they were reaching for but a torchlight. The light was aimed at the sky enlightening them about this encounter. They didn’t even use it to blind the mafioso and make a run for it. Even more stupid than he gave them credit for.

“Well, damn,” they said with a bright and irritatingly unafraid smile on their face. “Nakahara Chūya, the gravity-manipulator and martial artist. I am not buying lottery tickets this month.”

Chūya tilted his head in question. A very well-informed enemy or… simpleton Dazai never failed to open his big mouth. “Dear Detective Agency,” he sighed with irritation. “Suicidal moron can’t shut up about me.”

“That’s where you’re right,” they confirmed, straightforward and facile.

“What do you want?” Nakahara asked, crossing his arms. The Agency was an enemy; however, fighting them here and now would do nothing for the greater conflict. Boss, too, proclaimed temporary ceasefire. Acting against Boss’ orders was equal to betrayal. Also, they didn’t look like a challenge or threat in any way with that too eager to please and appease attitude.

“Just looking for something stolen,” they replied, nonchalant. “My guess is that you are here for the same reason.” This openness of theirs was getting on mafioso’s nerves. He wasn’t known for a patient temper. The Agency member could have tried to dance around his questions, run or offer a trade-off. But it seemed like they were trying to work out some semblance of functional cooperation. As long as it went within the lines of his loyalty to Port Mafia, he could match this pace.

The smile grew on their face before they turned off the light. It was bright.

“We can help each other!” Agency’s detective offered in a chirpy manner.

“Can we now?” Chūya scoffed, amused. “Just say you need my help.”

“I don’t,” they shook their head. It wasn’t spoken in mockery or false confidence. While the darkness blurred their features, he still heard the smile on their lips. “But you need mine.”

Nakahara raised a brow, antagonized. Dazai must have been giving out lessons. Bandaged freak had an unmatched skill, but they were gravelling him fairly fast too. Chūya didn’t need help, especially from a detective of the Agency. Nakahara was a Port Mafia Executive; he was the merge of a human and a god Arahabaki. Help was the last thing he needed. He expected them to prove the point, but his patience was running dangerously thin each second.

“The smugglers,” the person started talking quickly as if sensing the heat, “didn’t finish their transaction. What did they do with the merchandise? It’s a pier. Not many places to hide things.”

“If they had half-a-brain, an airtight aluminum case would take a day or two underwater,” Chūya shrugged.

“I bet you don’t want to swim tonight, it’s cold, brrrr,” they rubbed their shoulders, mimicking the experience. “So, I will graciously save you from that.”

Mafioso crossed arms on his chest and smirked. There was no way of impressing him, less so of doing him any favours. But he was allowing for this to happen simply because it was quite fun. It didn’t last long, however. Soon, the sound of moving water filled the dark and silence around them. And something rectangular came from the water and floated into their hands effortlessly. It was the case, unmistakably, it couldn’t be anything else.

“I can beckon objects towards myself if I know what they are,” they succinctly explained. “Since I know yours, it’s fair that you know mine.”

Chūya didn’t ask but was given an answer. Perhaps, by some strange morality it was fairer for him to know their ability since they knew about his. But this wasn’t the world that cared about fairness. They were coming from two different worlds, opposing views. They were enemies. It wasn’t personal. From the wrong side, one of them for sure was, had to be. Yet the Agency’s detective continued with the task as if nothing were amiss. Chūya watched them take out a lock-picker’s set. He chuckled, amused. All that talk about morality…

“You are probably here for the valuables,” they continued to talk, unbothered, while trying to pick the lock. “Allow me take one thing. Our client has sentimental value attached to one of the objects inside.”

“They stole more than just valuables,” Nakahara replied. Wittingly or not, he almost said more than needed. Chūya had to hold his tongue from saying anything more. Speaking more than needed would be more than just unwise.

“Ah, is that an invitation to take everything else but what you need?”

“No.”

“Kidding, kidding.”

The case opened with a distinct click. A sound of a skilful lock-picking. From the Armed Detective Agency, indeed. But, true to their word, only one thing was taken. Nakahara had no clue why that would be an object of sentimental value, however, but Lady Luck was on their side. He didn’t need that.

“Thank you for your cooperation,” they said, standing up, and offering a polite and reserved smile.

“That’s it?” mafioso asked, unimpressed. There were a few things he could imagine being spoken, tastefully mixed into the conversation, to make a little sharper, a little more dangerous. “Nothing else to add, dear Detective Agency?”

“Gimme a sec.” There was a theatrical pause perfectly executed. Acting worthy of the effect it produced, with a finger to tier mouth and a thoughtful expression on their face. “Oh, no, Port Mafia! How could you! That’s not right, Port Mafia!”

Chūya shook his head. It was amusing it its twisted, overly dramatic way, but the comedy was too close to reality to be truly funny.

Their act was quickly dropped, switched for a more serious expression and tone. “You could have thrown me into the water the moment you saw me or a moment after when you realized who I was. But you didn’t. And agreed to cooperate.”

“That’s—”

“Hm?”

“Never mind,” Nakahara dismissed the protest. For one, defending his perfectly logical actions seemed foolish. Second, and most importantly, there was no need for him to voice it and neither it seemed to be heard. If that’s gratitude they were offering — to hell with it.

“Scatter,” Chūya commanded in slight jest. “I have work to do.”

The detective bowed to him in jest, most graciously bowing out of their encounter. He let them go and afterwards sighed. There was much a lot of work left to do.

One would safely and reasonably assume this one chance of an encounter was the only time he’d meet someone from the Agency outside of conflict. It wasn’t so. Sometime later he got to see them again. It wasn’t anything related to a job and happened in the light of day. He saw them with jinko and young murderess approaching the local shopping centre. At the entrance, however, they stopped and waved goodbye. The kids proceeded on their own inside. That would have been it: Chūya saw them, they didn’t see him. Such was his conviction, until they waved at him. From afar, sure, and it could have been anyone else who was in his general direction. But somehow, he had a feeling it was aimed at him and no one else. He didn’t acknowledge them in any way.

“C’mon out anyone who’s still alive,” he grinned maliciously into the camera. Chūya was having a bit too much enjoyment with this. After all, it was about time he’d get to play cat and mouse with the Agency. Ceasefire wasn’t much fun.

In the dark tunnel, finally echoed footsteps other than his. Playing the messenger was a boring beat, but a brawl wasn’t completely out of the question, ever.

“Just two of you? What an insult,” Chūya sighed. Just two enemies and not even the most intriguing ones. It all unfolded just the Boss’ predicted. The Agency cannot help itself but to be predictable this way. A confrontation was started to make the blood run hotter. He wasn’t a good match for a messenger job anyway. Everything was working out splendidly. Except for when the voice came from the speakers. The voice belonged to an enemy, the other side that Port Mafia will never reconcile with. He knew the voice — knew exactly who it belonged to — but still hearing it here and now was somewhat unexpected. Something he couldn’t even explain to himself.

“President, with all due respect, I’d like to say something,” came from the speakers. Nakahara stilled the moment he heard it coming from the speakers, he wanted to hear everything.

“I believe in the Agency’s strength just as much as you do, you know it. But we cannot take on the Guild alone. There’s one thing Nakahara was right about: we are short staffed,” the voice on the other side spoke with underlined worry. Mafioso wondered how it felt to speak rather defensively of your enemy. What he’d like to know even more is why even speak in defence of an enemy. But since it was serving Port Mafia’s purpose…

“But if you think such crude tactics would work on us, then Mafia is unfit for waging war,” the President’s voice spoke.

“Veiled threat from the enemy leader himself? Such an honour,” Chūya mocked.

“What are you hiding?”

“Not a thing.”

“He is not lying,” familiar voice interfered. The gravity wielder grinned devilishly. He wasn’t lying, they were correct in that assessment. But it was no good news for them. A shame, truly. For them. So bravely and insistently speak in the enemy’s support. That was the luxury or stupidity few could afford. He couldn’t.

“Why would we need to move?” Nakahara asked with the same smile on his face.

“Alright, fancy hat,” another voice spoke up. And then there was a snicker. Chūya never heard them snicker before but had no doubts it was them. Otherwise, it was the enemy leader and that was a far less appealing thought. Fancy hat?

It wasn’t because he had any doubts about Boss’ plan or because he didn’t trust in the abilities of his fellow comrades. It was because he hated Dazai. Because he wanted to see what was going to happen, what that schemer had pulled this time. And because deep inside Nakahara already knew what sort of deal the Boss would make given the chance. Mori wanted Dazai back in the Mafia, and while Chūya was perfectly content without the failed suicide around, it wasn’t for him to say so. Whatever cliché game he was asked to play, he’d play it till the end.

From up here he could witness the whole thing and, if something were to go terribly wrong, he’d be down there in seconds. But he had unwavering faith in Boss’ planning. Still, the cigarette in his mouth was burning. It was boredom. From up here, he could see everything but not hear it or be entertained by any other means. One, two, three, four…Number four is deadly, according to superstitions.

“Fancy seeing you here!” said the voice from behind. Familiar voice, sure, but it was not supposed to be heard here. Chūya turned his head. That very same detective of the Agency coming to him at such convenient time? It couldn’t be a coincidence. What a cliché, Dazai, especially for you.

A huff, a puff. The cigarette started to taste a lot better now. “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t a question but a warning.

“Don’t worry, no one knows I am here. If you throw me off this roof, it’s a perfect crime,” they quickly assured. And while there was a small laugh at the end of that sentence, he could hear it was filled with anxious tension. “I wasn’t invited for the meeting either but still came to watch. It’s not as concealed up here as you’d think.”

Mafioso kept quiet, feeling annoyed, feeling played for a fool. But before the right words to scare them off came to mind, the voice spoke once again.

“Here,” there was a nudge on his shoulder, “it’s a far better thing to put in your mouth.”

Nakahara looked at what was offered. Goddamn ice-cream? He raised a brow in question. This was more than just a little strange. This was getting a little ridiculous. And the idea of throwing them off the roof didn’t seem as alien as before. Nonetheless, under his murderous gaze, they didn’t relent, continuing to hold up the ice-cream in stubborn generosity.

He had to look away from them. “Damn it.” Agitated, he still begrudgingly put out the cigarette and accepted the ice-cream. The packaging wasn’t messed with, with drops of water from being in the freezer just recently. They, too, had one. An ice-cream for themselves with the packaging matching. Mafioso tore it open. Damnit. It was cold and sweet, vanilla flavour hidden underneath dark chocolate.

“See? I was right. It is a better thing to put in your mouth,” they grinned at him. Not malicious, not mocking, it was a cheerful, kind smile of a friend. They were enemies, people from different sides, fighting for different things. Reconciliation was not an acceptance — a strategy.

“Choose your words better,” Nakahara scoffed.

“Sorry, sor—"

“Or I will throw you off the roof.”

“I said sorry. So, um, what do you think? It’s going fine, right? Even if it’s just to defeat the Guild, we can come to an agreement of sorts? You’d help, right?”

“What are you getting at?”

“I am… worried.”

“About?” he asked without any interest whatsoever. But since this was a conversation — a very used play at social norms and small talk — he would indulge them only for the duration of this ice-cream. A shame to let a good thing go to waste.

“My…comrades,” the enemy answered. That was a delicate answer. Too delicate for such situation. Even Chūya could understand the worry one would have for one’s friends and comrades. Yet something didn’t sit right with him as if a gut feeling telling something he couldn’t yet understand.

“So, if you are fighting alongside one of them, would you help them?” they asked. It sounded so naïve and genuine. Terribly sweet, just like this ice-cream. Underneath the dark chocolate, something awfully sweet and innocent white in colour.

“Is that what their life if worth?” Chūya asked, thoroughly amused. Quite a conversation maker this one. “An ice-cream?”

“Nah, a life is invaluable. And smoking kills. Take care of yourself.”

Chūya laughed. Loudly, thunderously, profoundly regaled. He was pillorying them and their ideas. But, still a nudge on his shoulder, playful in its manner.

“I am counting on you, Nakahara Chūya!”

This was getting too ridiculous for Nakahara to comprehend as a sane person. “Scatter.” He didn’t even mean it maliciously or as a sincere threat. It was a reminiscent jest. And like before, they bowed to him and offered a polite smile, graciously leaving the situation.

Chūya hated Dazai. He hated all the faces Dazai had: arrogant kid, suicidal failure, scheming bastard, traitor, liar, and womanizer. It wasn’t even all the list of masks his ex-partner had. But Chūya would take out the trash once they were done here. The reunion was a temporary arrangement. After, he would be free to deal with Dazai as he wished. What else he hated? The number of body bags his people came back in. All at the fault of a child whose ability was abhorrent.

“Do it,” Chūya said with certainty. He would remember that number for a good while after this is all over and is but a history.

“Oh yeah?” Dazai sounded too chirpy for himself. “Well, in that case…” The knife Dazai conveniently snitched slashed the wooden cage Q was trapped in. Nakahara watched, and the mafia-black blood boiled inside him.

“Your hypocrisy makes me want to vomit,” he stated with sincere spite. The knife stopped chipping at wood as Dazai started to explain such hypocritical act. Excuses, excuses, that was the core of this traitor. Chūya knew for a fact what his ex-partner thought of Q’s ability. What a pathetic, lying bastard.

“It’s a logical decision,” Dazai excused his actions. “Plus, I don’t know how I would look them in the eye.”

“The Agency?” Nakahara shrugged, uninterested.

“Aren’t you curious, Chūya?” It was taunting. “Nosy about my personal life?”

“Personal life? You don’t have such a thing, womanizer.”

“People change, Chūya,” Dazai replied with a sickeningly familiar smile. The bastard meant what he said. Gravity manipulator hated him all the more for it.

Nakahara crossed his arms. “People? Maybe. What do you have to do with them?”

His ex-partner pretentiously pouted. “You know, Chūya, I know your moves down to pacing and breathing.” Dazai stood up. The knife remained plunged into the wood. “But I never knew you liked ice-cream.”

“Bastard, I knew it was your scheme!”

“What? No.” Ex-mafia shook his head. “What would be in it for me? But relationships are built on trust and honesty. So, naturally, I came to know of it. I was as just as surprised as you were.”

That sickening smile, that arrogant tone! Chūya had Dazai pinned down as well. The assortment of face masks of his once-partner…and the appalling pleasure to study them all. But the most abhorrent thing was that the hypocrite wasn’t lying. The bandaged bastard was taking pleasure in speaking the truth.

Dazai was slowly shortening the distance between them. “So, why did you behave like an obedient dog, Chūya?” The languid steps forward, putting them dangerously close together. The shorter mafioso pressed his fingers into a tight fist. The leather gloves squeaked.

“Answer me, Chūya, for old times’ sake,” Dazai continued to provoke. “I don’t think it’s because of ice-cream, was it? Could it be…? Oh.”

You are on thin fucking ice, Dazai. It wasn’t for any other reason than killing time. It wasn’t because he found them strangely intriguing in their passive acceptance of him being from Mafia. And it wasn’t because they spoke in his defence. To speak in your enemy’s benefit was the luxury or stupidity few could afford. He wasn’t impressed by their stubborn kindness despite knowing that he was stronger than them. That he could kill them. That he was an enemy.

“You never could hide your emotions, Chūya. Your face does say it for you,” Dazai was now grinning viciously. “You like them, don’t you? You like them.”

Chūya pushed forward, angry, provoked, with all the spite he could muster. The fist landed hard. The force of his punch sent Dazai stumbling backwards. But there was glee in those dark eyes. The delight Chūya rarely witnessed, but it wasn’t totally alien. It felt good for him too — to punch Dazai in the face like that. Yet his blood was still boiling hot. And there was a bitter and tight feeling in his throat, tasting of sweet vanilla ice-cream.

“Oh, the look on your face, Chūya,” Dazai mumbled, mocking, gleeful, and seeming to ignore the swelling on his face and the pain that came with it. “How did you say it before? “Better than a masterpiece worth millions”?”

[keepyourlife]

What fics do you like/read/recommend?

Difficult question, cause recommendations I can give but only very limited.

What I like? Slow Burn, Angst, Fluff, damn it I also read Smut sometimes, AUs (I mention something about that later). Basically: I want to suffer, I want to cry, but give me a happy ending. I LOVE good interpreted characters and I LOOOVE well-written relations. What I mean by that is, basically, if a sibling relationship is weirdly written, I tend to just.. not read the story at all. Does that make sense? Whatever.

While I read a lot, I rarely save what I read and more often than not I kind of.. lose half of the fics I read? There’s one I am currently obsessed with, which I found via @worstloki:

doubt truth to be a liar. absolutely amazing tbh. it’s about a younger Loki suddenly appearing in the Avengers Tower, without any memories about what happened (post Ragnarok), it’s got trans Peter & cultural differences between Asgard and Midgard I find quite interesting. Cause while I do know that comic Loki mentioned that the concept of gender and sexuality do not exist in Asgard the way they do on Midgard (I think that is what he said), I found the differences portrayed in that story very believable and also super interesting, cause I didn’t think of that? Especially interesting when you know a bit about the Viking age and its culture, which MCU Asgard clearly was set to resemble.

So, next I need to put a little disclaimer about myself: I normally do not like Reader fics, because more often than not they’re super ooc and I just find this whole.. “y/n” thing kind of offputting and it just makes me uninterested very often. However I have a friend who do likes these kind of stories. And she lets me know. And she needs someone to talk about these stories, so there’s that. And I read a handfull of them and tbh only those I actually find 1. well-written, 2. well characterised & 3. no darn use of “y/n”, cause no I never imagine myself there, I create characters in my head for each story.

A Job Million PRs Would Die For by @saiansha. Jesus fucking christ the amount of times I re-read this story. Honestly, it is, I think, the first Reader fanfic I read in my entire life, was super weary at first cause. idk. I know some people on this website (and AO3, let’s be real) that just post very weird stuff. This one has an interpretation of Loki that I can 100% believe and it is one I support. That was one of my main reasons to continue reading, but it’s also the general writing style that I like and that there’s a Reader character, who is not a helpless damsel in distress. Ultimate proof of that was the most recent chapter. (dear author knows my thoughts, I dared to dm cause I was just. very enthuasiastic about this story)

Broken Crown by @michelleleahhh​. Second one I started reading at one point cause my friend kept asking me to read it. a kind-of AU? It’s set in Asgard. That’s what you need to know. Again, a story that had me from the beginning, once I started. For the writing style and for the characterisation. The story really had me guessing sometimes, cause,, well-written! and really good dialogue!! damn you Freya!! and a decent Reader character that doesn’t have me ripping out my own intestines. (also very enthusiastic about this story, yes this phrasing as a meaning)

Foruneyti by Evaldrynn or @foruneyti (I tagged the blog for the story here, too, don’t mind me pls) Also kind of an AU, basically just Asgard. Anyway, I am so in love with the aesthetic this story gives me. It’s hard to explain, but after 85 chapters I just have this very clear picture in my head of what I think this story looks like. Now, Reader here is also good and well-written, the Original Characters are likeable and not super overpowered, neither is Reader. The canon characters are, in my humble opinion, interpreted nicely and tbh for some reason I just always imagine them in this comic style, rather than the way the films portray them.

Of Different Emotions by @wanderingworldwarrior. my. goodness. I am in love with these stories and I am just. so desperate for an update. idk if we will ever get one, but honestly, I re-read it this week and. Just stopped after the second part, cause I can’t deal with the pain of the third part one more time. First part is set pre-Thor 1, second part is set during Thor 1 and the third during The Avengers. I love the Reader character a lot and the Original Characters just. belong so much to the story. idk I just love the way this story is written, I love the characters, I just love it a lot, alright.

Onwards to anime. Bungou Stray Dogs:

where your loyalties lie by writingfromtheshadows. this!! story!! it’s so good!! it’s a Yakuza!AU and oh my gooood. It’s all just so so well put, compared to canon and I love the dynamics Dazai and Chuuya have here.

Forgettable Significance by Witheryvine. THIS STORY. took my sanity, threw it out of the window and then spat on me. It broke my heart so very often, cause it manages to make you question yourself. morals about relationships out of the window. I re-read this story like five times.

still still still by toriosaurus. I was waiting, desperately, for every single chapter. This AU gives me everything I need and more. I remember doing fanart for this story and being very proud of it, even though it did no justice to the original story. Normally I am not a fan of, idk what to call it, no power AUs because most people just do the thing wrong for me. But this one hits.

If I recommend Twist and Shout now I get thrown into Turbohell, so idk if you want a very sinful Destiel fanfic, then read

Hot Water by Chiyume. I was 16, I decided to read Destiel fanfictions and this one kind of did it for me.

Don’t @ me. I really read a lot more than this, but I suck at organising myself and I just barely ever save shit. Also it’s late, I’ve been on a video call with my friend for over three hours now and I just like to clown when I am tired. Anyway, I used to bookmark Destiel fanfics back in the day and the rest is just. Read it, kudos, comment, and then I forget to save. The multichapter fics are often still in my subscribes, but sometimes. just.. not.

[kaysutcliff-michaelis]

SOUMA-HEN 2021 CAST

Hi, humans and oni, all fans of Hakumyu!

Since Souma-hen is a thing again I’ve recovered my original cast announcement post and updated it. The info about the actors is a mix between what I’ve found about them and info from the official cast page, but I haven’t included every past myu/stage play in the official info, so I’d recommend checking it if you’re interested in seeing more of any of these people.

Without further ado, I present you the official cast for the 2021 version of Musical Hakuoki Souma-hen:

Mizuki Umetsu (梅津瑞樹) is Kazue Souma

28 years old, his Twitter is @MizukiUmetsu, and he’s been in Musical Touken Ranbu and the Sanrio Boys stage play .

Risa Matsuzaki (松崎莉沙) is Chizuru Yukimura

She’s a member of Roys, a Japanese female duo chorus group. Playing Chizuru in this myu will be her first time as an actress. Her Twitter is @risadegozaimasu and she’s 24 years old.

Hidetoshi Kubota (久保田秀敏) is Toshizo Hijikata

Has worked in films and dramas before, also has myu/stage play experience (Sengoku Basara stage play , Moriarty the Patriot myu, etc.). He’s 33 years old and his Twitter is @kubotahidetoshi.

Shuji Kikuchi (菊池修司) is Souji Okita

First difference with the 2020 cast! Shuji Kikuchi replaces Shogo Yamazaki, who first appeared in Hakumyu in Shitan Hijikata-hen. He’s 25 and his Twiiter is @kutisyu. He’s been in some stage plays before, like the Pirates of the Frontier UtaPri stage play .

Shoichiro Oomi (大海将一郎) is Hajime Saito

His Twitter is @shoichiro_oomi. The protagonist/”your” character in the Fate/GO Babylonia Myu, also has some experience as a seiyuu (in fact google doesn’t list him as an actor but as a voice actor) and is/was in a group called "Hi! Superb" 

Yuta Higuchi (樋口裕太) is back as Heisuke Todou!

His first Hakumyu was Shitan Hijikata-hen! He is 25 and he won a Junon Superboy contest (Most Photogenic) and according to Anime on Stage he’s been in other myus/stage plays, like Ensemble Stars and Yona of the Dawn. According to the cast page he’s been in  Ao no Exorcist and Hitman Reborn stage plays too. His Twitter is @higuchi24yuta.

Ryousuke Koike (小池亮介) is Nagakura Shinpachi

Second change in the cast, he’s replacing Yuta Kishimoto, who was Nagakura in both Shitan Hijikata-hen and Shitan Kazama-hen. He’s 25 and his Twitter is @ryosuke19951117. He was Akito/Agito in the Air Gear myu, and according to the cast page he wants everyone to think that Nagakura Shinpachi is cool (literally, 「永倉新八カッコいいな」kakkoii and everything)

Shouta Kawakami (川上将大) is Sanosuke Harada

He’s been in Tenimyu, Rice on stage, Hitman Reborn and Touken Ranbu stages/myus, among others. He’s 27 and his Twitter is @rjpmission. An anecdote: a few weeks ago someone I follow on Twitter went to see Rice on stage and he was one of the actors performing, which made me wonder if Souma-hen would happen since people from the cast were working on other things and I supposed that meant the situation in Japan was good enough to resume events like stage plays, included those that had been cancelled.

Teruma (輝馬) is back as Keisuke Sannan!

Sannan since Hakumyu Reimeiroku, he’s been in Kuromyu (William T Spears), Bungou Stray Dogs stage play, the Nanatsu no Taizai stage play and Tenimyu. His Twitter is @teruma_060 and he’s 31.

This makes me really happy! I still prefer Ryosuke Mikata, but he’s showed that he deserves the role, so I hope he stays in Hakumyu for many years to come! And I’m still mad that Teruma wasn’t in the Tango on the Campania Kuromyu...

Taizo Shiina (椎名鯛造) is back as Susumu Yamazaki!

First appeared in Shitan Hijikata-hen, and he’s been in some Sengoku Basara and Danganronpa stage plays, among others. He’s 34 and his Twitter is @TaizoShiina.

Taira Imata (井俣太良) is back as Isami Kondou!!!

Best dad since Okita-hen (second Hakumyu) and by this point, everyone’s senpai, what else can be said about this man??? If you’ve watched any Hakumyu other than Saito-hen, you already know him. Great man and actor, he’s 45 and his Twitter is @TAIRANT1975.

These are the characters/actors & actress that I covered in my first Souma-hen cast post. I actually wrote another one with the rest of the cast, but thanks to a broken mouse the whole post got deleted when it was almost finished. Time to redeem myself!

Syuya Sunagawa (砂川脩弥) is Saburo Miki!

Replacing Allen Kohatsu in the role of Miki, he’s 26 and his Twitter is @suna_syu_. It’s his first time in a musical, but he’s in the Kamen Rider Zero One drama. According to the Kamen Rider Wikia, he won the Avex Boys Award in 2016.

Masashi Sonomura (園村将司) is Risaburo Nomura!

He’s 22 and he’s @masashisonomura on Twitter. He’s been in Tenimyu and has done some stuff on TV (the cast page lists some things but I’m not familiar with them ;_;)

Masafumi Yokoyama (横山真史) is Kyuju Amagiri!

He’s 34 and he’s @masafumi21yoko on Twitter. He’s been in Touken Ranbu, Ikemen Sengoku and Toki no Kizuna stages.And as my friend and Amagiri’s biggest fan Lawrichai pointed out, he played Amagiri’s grandpa/relative in the Toki no Kizuna stage.

Takuma Sueno (末野卓磨) is back as Kyo Shiranui!

He’s 36 and he’s @sueno0724 on Twitter. His first Hakumyu was Shitan Kazama hen. Has been in the Sengoku Basara stage play and the Rantaro Shinobu myu (this one wasn’t that long ago so I remember seen funny pics of this on Twitter).

Hiroyuki Kawamoto (川本裕之) is back as Kodo Yukimura!

Egg dad since the times of Harada hen, he doesn’t have a Twitter account and apparently there isn’t that much info about him on Google D:

And... drum roll a big round of applause for our returning demon, the original, the one and only, SHOGO SUZUKI (鈴木勝吾) AS CHIKAGE KAZAMA!!!

I already spoiled this in my Souma-hen is back post but I’m sooooooooooooooo happy to see him back. He’s @Shogo_Suzuki_ on Twitter (where he’s posted photos of his Hakumyu-watching sessions more than once),he’s 31 and he played Kazama from the very beginning in Saito-hen until Live 2. During his absence from Hakumyu he didn’t stop acting, some of you may remember my post about his appearance in the Moriarty the Patriot myu.

Not that I dislike Yoshihide Sasaki (Hijikata in Reimei, and Kazama in Harada-hen and the 2020 Souma-hen cast), but I will always see him as my dear Viscount Druitt from Kuromyu. And let’s be honest, Shogo has his “own brand” of Kazama. He took the character and made it his own, having a unique way of portraying him and enjoying every last bit of it.

And that was the complete main cast! This time we had all the info from the start so I don’t think a follow-up post will be necessary.

As an ending note, I would like to dedicate this post to Serizawa’s actor, Akira Kubodera, who passed away last month. I’m sure he would love to see that everyone has been hoping for Souma-hen to return and that the Hakuoki Shinsengumi, or at least its spirit, can’t be defeated.

[awkwardbsd]

Hii I love your blog and i love bungou stray dogs Would you recommend a couple of animes

OH BOI! I’VE WANTED AN ASK LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE!

While I recommend some more than others, I enjoyed all of these anime. I mostly copied and pasted another list that I made, but there we go! Have fun!

Feel Good Stuff – Some stuff that leaves you feeling good about stuff. Whether the majority of the series or film is lighthearted or it’s just laidback, both will be included here.

Tokyo Godfathers: one of my favourite anime movies and far more light-hearted than Koe no Katachi (warning though for slurs used in this movie towards transwomen – she’s still the best character in the movie and the movie makes a point to let her know that she’s the best human on this very planet because Hana is a treasure)

Gin no Saji: If you’ve watched Fullmetal Alchemist, it has the same creator except it’s slice-of-life on a farm. I found it to be touching because it squares in on student experiences and connections. Also has sage advice.

Barakamon: Has children actually voiced by children. I watched it during a really important period of time for me. It centres and hits points that a lot of artists have.

Kimi to Boku: I can’t remember why I enjoyed this anime. I just know that I did for some reason. It was really simple.

The Boy and the Beast: I have mixed thoughts about this movie, but at the end of the day, I really enjoyed it.

Zombieland Saga: I just find it nice to find an idol anime that doesn’t focus on the whole “the girls all have to be cute”. One is a biker chick, one is indicated to be a former prostitute, one is a verified transgirl.

Those Movies That Have to be Mentioned – I’m legally obligated to mention these.

Anthem of the Heart: sounds like a crack premise (“girl gets cursed by an egg to never speak again after seeing her dad cheat with another woman in a love hotel like a castle”) but ends up being really good.

Your Name: practically everyone has watched that.

Koe no Katachi: A lot of people have watched this already. I always recommend it, but it’s very emotionally heavy and deals with suicide, bullying, and disability. It’s ending can make you cry from happiness though.

Wolf Children: Well, only if you’re okay with crying (at least on the inside)

Hotarubi no Mori e: It’s only 40 minutes. Probably won’t make people cry, but yeah, I can’t say that much.

Shounen – crack open one of these, and the boys and girls are sure to come

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood: I’m legally obligated to mention this. it was one of my first anime (after Magi) and it was amazing.

My Hero Academia: Yeah... I had to mention this too.

Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic: It was my first anime. It has a lot of shonen crap, but it’s also dialogue-heavy.

Seishun Buta Yarou: Drew in fanbois for the “plot” (bunny girl - what else can I say) and made people stay for the actual plot. It ended up being really quirky and funny. It was like the Monogatari series (which I tried and didn’t like) but better and more “legal”

Yakusoku no Neverland: If you’ve watched Chicken Run, imagine that with people. It’s a farm that farms children so they try to run.

Kimetsu no Yaiba: Shonen Jump doesn’t have that many misses.

Noragami: The gags resonated with 14-year-old me

Assassination Classroom: Underdeveloped cast? Yeah, but it was still a really good Shonen Jump adaptation. 

Comedy – The stuff that’s not quite conventionally “shounen or shoujo” but still tries to make you laugh, no matter how hard they try or how hit-and-miss they are

Mob Psycho 100: The second season is amazing. I found it to be a really good solid show.

Hinamatsuri: If you like Mob Psycho or if you just like the idea of an adult adopting a kid and teaching them stuff along with the kid teaching them, this is the one for you. I was laughing and crying (from tears of laughter) at this.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun: I can’t label this a romance because the romance doesn’t go anywhere. We start at square one and we finish at square one, but the stuff that happens in the meantime makes it all worth it.

Danshi Koukousei no Nichijou / Nichijou: Hit-and-miss, but there are a lot of iconic moments here.

Hataraku Saibou: I think this fits the best here. It’s just a good solid anime about cells in your body.

Shoujo/Romance – In case you need some fluff to fill the dark times; cheese levels vary.

Fruits Basket: Shoujo at its best.

Kono Oto Tomare: I don’t know how this got produced by Shonen Jump SQ because it’s like a cliche shoujo that would make even shoujo manga readers throw up flowers

Toradora: It’s a hit-and-miss for people just because the main character is a tsundere (played by the queen of tsundere herself)

Ookami-san to Shichinin no Nakama-tachi: this ended up being a guilty pleasure for me – not quite a direct romance but direct enough

Haikara-san go Tooru: Technically a movie and only has the first part, but the manga is from mid-70s is a shining example of the feminist boom in Japan after WWII

Gamers!: This was best explained by a comment I read somewhere going “I love this anime, but it makes me want to bang my head on a wall repeatedly”. Misunderstandings: The Anime. Everyone has a hard time.

Kaguya-sama: It was a huge hit in the 2019 Winter season of anime and for good reason. It’s getting a new season coming up too.

Wotakoi: Two adults falling in love. It’s funny and a little bit niche and directed towards otaku.

Yamada-kun to 7-nin no Majo: Technically a shounen, it was a harem anime that ended up being pretty good? I was so side-tracked by the idea of that, especially since I found the premise mildly interesting. The manga gets extra points for being really cute with that last chapter. I mean, it has boobs, ass, and a lot of kissing, but the female mangaka was taught by the creator of Fairy Tail so it’s really runs in their roots.

Shigatsu no Kimi no Uso: Ultimately included this one in romance, but many would say this belongs in the next category.

Akagami no Shirayuki-hime: This is so heavy on cheese that I had to pause at times and go “what am I doing? Is this how I die? How will my family react to me watching this?” (the last question is one I ask of myself often)

Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun: A lot of people who’ve watched BSD like this anime. Tumblr loves this anime. 

The Horror! The Horror! Some Dark Stuff That Belongs in a Cauldron, and those onion-cutting ninjas. – Honestly, it’s not my favourite genre, but some of these ended up being among my favourite anime?

Death Parade: It wasn’t in the genre I usually watch (no comedy at all), yet I was moved every time? That last figure skating scene was *Canadian-French Accent* C’est Magnifique.

Shinsekai Yori: I watched this anime feeling SOOOOO UNEASY. Nothing was even happening that was “scary”. It was just the mere ideas behind it as the eerie world-building led me to go “WAHHHHH” over my computer. It’s one of the best anime I’ve watched, but I can’t recommend it to everyone.

Mousou Dairinin: It’s Satoshi Kon but sane. You actually get a conclusive ending. It has a surprisingly current message behind it though. It’s like Satoshi Kon continues to influence.

Perfect Blue: Now to the less sane Satoshi Kon work that confused me. Western movies literally copied one of the scenes from this movie.

No. 6: I can’t list this anywhere else, but it was the first anime to depict a really, really, really sweet gay relationship. Even though it was a complete fail adaptation-wise, it also gave Hosoya (voice actor) inspiration to keep going. It’s a gift.

Anohana: *ahem* I was recommended the anime by someone I’m no longer close with, but the memories that I had watching this and the message was probably the closest an anime has brought me to actually crying in a non-depressive fashion.

Gakkougurashi: Cute girls doing cute things with zombies that are about to eat them and destroy them all.

Erased: Okay, compared to other great series that I’ve yet to watch (Steins;Gate and Monster), it’s probably trash, but I remember really enjoying it when I first watched it.

[the-elusive-libbin]

Ummm, do you have any Akutagawa (bsd) headcannons?

I sure do!!! Akutagawa Ryunosuke is a man who is full of bloodlust and jealousy, so much in fact that it actually kind of rules his life. I’ll admit I did have to re-watch a few Bungou clips to remember the way he acts but none-the-less I think I finally have enough of his personality in my head to get a few vore canons down. I know I spoke with the person who sent me this ask in private and they have no preference to microxmacro or same size vore so I shall write a bit for both types.

WARNING!: POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR THE BUNGOU STRAY DOGS ANIME AND MANGA SERIES FROM THIS POINT ON!

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-As usual we find ourselves asking whether or not Ryunosuke Akutagawa would devour someone alive….He would!. Should this man find out he can swallow someone, he would probably do it a lot when ordered to do so as an effective method of disposing of the weak enemies that stand before him.

-Firstly let me just get this out there: Akutagawa would fatally digest his prey most of the time, in fact this is almost always the case. Why should he have to go through the trouble of devouring someone when he can’t digest them? Does one not devour food with the controlled mindset of ‘this is my meal, it will be devoured and give me energy?’ Precisely, one does not intentionally spit up a sandwich after it has been eaten. 

-To be totally honest, Akutagawa does not care about the life of the person inside his belly, he would have killed them with a knife, a gun or his own powers anyway so regardless of process, the outcome of death is the same. Secretly, Akutagawa does not like digesting same-size prey as it takes too long and is a hassle. Tiny prey are easy game.

-So what would make him want to swallow someone? Three reasons I can think of off the top of my head: 1. He has used vore as a method to get rid of people before and will do so again should it prove effective.This is of his own and his boss’ will of course. 2. The port Mafia orders him to devour someone or a few people. 3. The final possibility, if Dazai asks/orders him to swallow someone. I’m talking about any version of Dazai, Mafia Dazai speaks for himself but I think the concept of Akutagawa being praised by the suicidal maniac would be enough to coax him into vore even if Dazai has left the mafia by this time. This may take more thinking though.

-When committing acts of vore of his own accord, Akutagawa has devoured same-size people but he prefers swallowing tinies for reasons I will mention very soon.

Gonna split this now into two separate canon sections for Microxmacro and Same size because I know some of you guys prefer different ones~

SAME SIZE:

- This asshole struggles when it comes to same size vore. He kind of reminds me of a small, yappy dog with a loud bark and a bite to match but struggling to pull through with his threats. What I mean by this is that he’ll happily threaten to devour his soon-to-be prey with the intention of putting them into his stomach and he’ll grab his prey and go for it with force too...But he’s so small and skinny that he struggles to get the prey down into his belly.

-Even if his stomach can stretch to accommodate a single prey, that is about all he can manage. His skinny frame struggling to contain a huge, bloated mass that refuses to cease in its thrashing. Akutagawa attempts to act like he can in fact handle his meal and attempts to give orders to his men at the same time. So stubborn. It’s rather embarrassing really. 

-He wishes he could devour more than one of this kind of prey as he believes it will allow him to assert dominance by showing others what could become of them should they mess with him. Unfortunately this is not the case and the poor thing ends up a panting, humiliated mess. Of course he’ll threaten the blush away from staining his cheeks and refuse to admit his struggles. He has not been bested, he has swallowed a human whole! 

-Anyone who dares mock Akutagawa in a stuffed state will be either next on the menu to be savoured at a later date or killed on the spot. Subordinates included. Is he embarrassed by any of this? Of course! But he’s not gonna show his blush, he’ll hide it however he can. This is especially true for Akutagawa in the early stages of the show.

-The guy is quick to anger so of course he has swallowed people during a fit of rage before without meaning to do so. Imagine he’s halfway through swallowing someone and realizes that he shouldn’t have taken it that far. But he needs to save face and swallows them down anyway with a struggled ‘Gulp!’ It’s their own fault for getting in the damn way.

-Akutagawa prefers to swallow larger prey (when he has to) in the comfort of his own quarters, allowing only his sister Gin or at a push Higuchi into the room to aid him. Ultimately he prefers to be alone during this time as he finds his overly full state to be humiliating. Having the two women that care most about him fuss over his engorged stomach is less than ideal.

-Secretly the guy is touch starved and would love nothing more than to have someone rub his swollen belly to help sooth it or aid his digestion. This is Akutagawa we’re talking about here folks and unfortunately his own personality gets in the way of his belly rub ideals. Should he be tied down and forcibly have his belly rubbed (Not that one would dare) then he would be furious and possibly unable to hide his embarrassment. 

-His digestion is embarrassingly loud and obnoxious at the best of times but when he’s got an entire person to get through it is worse. Walk in on him mid digestion and hear those loud churning groans and be prepared to face the consequences of a red faced mob boss and his weapons.

-Akutagawa doesn’t care if he starts from the head or from the feet as long as the prey gets in his belly, it’s his job after all. He starts off cool, swallowing in gulps but then the prey’s head enters his stomach and he already feels full. The poor guy can’t eat much so stuffing his belly is hard for him. Eventually he manages to get the entire person down with pure willpower but his belly churns painfully and he falls to the ground, unable to support his own weight. Rashomon may emerge to hold up his bloated tummy for him. -After this, his belches and hiccups are soft and uncontrollable much to the mafioso’s embarrassment. Again, he’ll try to hide his blush if he’s not alone.

-Akutagawa is quick to anger as I may have mentioned previously and so punching and yelling at his gut would often occur. He does this when the prey inside won’t stop thrashing, when he’s too full, when he’s starving and even just when his belly is making too much noise. The most embarrassingly irritating scenario is when Akutagawa doesn’t feel hungry or full and his belly churns for no reason. There is no need.

MICROXMACRO:

-Akutagawa much prefers to devour tinies as they are easy to swallow and enter his stomach quickly. There is not much fuss and no mess. No struggled gulping and over bloating. Also a perk of this size difference is that the mafioso can erase multiple people at once.

-He will often make sure his stomach is starved before eating a tiny as he likes the idea of doing away with the prey quickly. If his stomach is craving a meal, it is more likely to digest the meal it has been longing for rapidly. He may be a murderer but he canonically hates torture and prefers to have things over with quickly. This is probably another reason as to why he doesn’t like swallowing conscious same-size prey.

-Akutagawa can’t eat much normally so I imagine five cupcake sized tinies would be enough to sate his hunger and bloat his belly. He would be stuffed and bloated after eating 10 or more. He would rather not do this because then his meal takes longer to digest in his gut.

-I imagine Higuchi has bought him a bowl of small criminals before and told Akutagawa that Mori demanded he dispose of them orally. How the mafioso’s eyebrow twitched as he glared at his subordinate in annoyance. He prefers not to overindulge. He doesn’t realise that she is staring at him for a while, and so swallows the little people down with contempt. When he does notice he will fluster before angering and kicking the girl out of the room.

-When eating tinies, he takes a few, looks them over, regarding them. He is not checking their nature, gender, age or any of the sort because none of that matters to him. Canonically he has no qualms about who he kills. The tinies he is given to devour have upset the port mafia, that is all the information he needs to devour the poor souls. The mafioso is secretly checking for dirt however and wondering about the taste.

-Let me be clear, no amount of begging will save these tinies. I think if Dazai or the boss orders him to devour these people then that is good enough for him.

-Not wanting to keep the tiny person in his mouth for any amount of time, he tilts his head straight back and drops the tiny inside. As soon as they hit the back of his throat, he swallows straight down, not bothering to follow the bulge down his throat with his finger. His stomach groans hungrily and Akutagawa wills it to hush in his mind. The prey hits his stomach which immediately wraps around them to digest, hugging the prey from all angles.

-Akutagawa likes the feeling of the prey going down his throat at this size, it’s intriguing to him. He also is able to feel the small movements inside his belly since he’s so skinny and his stomach is so sensitive. 

-Sometimes his belly doesn’t like having tinies inside it and his stomach sets off grumbling sickly and proceeding to give its owner heartburn and indigestion. This almost always occurs when he is stuffed. His stomach acid is strong and digests easily but his stomach itself is weak. Moving around with a full belly makes him nauseous.

-Belches? Unsightly to say the least. Akutagawa will stifle his belches into his fist unless he really can’t stop them. Should a loud belch escape his lips, he will be rather flustered by it and shake it off; this can be said even when he is alone. The mafioso’s belches are hardly ever loud and are usually wet and strained.

-Once Akutagawa has devoured a tiny or a few tinies, he will continue with his work business as usual, like nothing happened. He has a habit of gently placing a hand on his stomach when he has prey inside.

-”But Libbin! I hear you say.” “What about safe, non-fatal vore?” I hear you, let me think. So Akutagawa is the type to usually devour someone upon order, if he eats someone it will usually be to erase them, however should someone order him to keep someone safe inside his belly, he would have to do it. He’d be a mix of annoyed and confused at this as well. I see him actually worrying about digesting the tiny to the point where he researches the human stomach and its capabilities and eats some food beforehand to ensure his stomach has other things to digest first. He eats, touches his stomach, is this enough? Better eat some more just in case. Repeat a few times. I see him going totally overboard and eating way too much accidentally whilst overthinking. The poor thing is already full of food and then has to swallow a person he cannot digest on top of that.

-It’s not that he cares about the person he’s swallowing but if he digests someone when he’s not supposed to he’ll be scolded and he can’t have that.

-Should he decide to trust his stomach and swallow a tiny he cannot digest while it is empty he may learn how to control the digestion. If he manages that he will be happily surprised. His stomach will moan in hunger as it complains for food, upset that it cannot digest the only morsel inside.

-Self indulgent scenario time: Once Mori decided to test Akutagawa’s stomach capacity after the boss realised his subordinate could devour people to erase them for him. As a doctor, he knew his way around a stomach and performed an examination before and after Akutagawa swallowed a person. Then he filled him with tinies until he was at max capacity. Of course Akutagawa agreed to these tests as they ‘helped’ the port mafia…..In reality Mori just wanted to admire his handiwork and embarrass the younger male. Secret reports from the incident state that the younger male had never been seen so red faced and flustered. Then again, he had never before had a person place an accusing ear against his bare stomach as it digested people before. A strange scenario for anyone to find themselves in really, you can’t blame him.

So there’s some long awaited canons for you. I hope I could do him justice~ I do really want to draw him more now ^_^