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jonnylovers-in-neverland · 2 months ago

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Exclusive: Coldplay: “When things appear overwhelmingly positive, that’s often because it’s what the singer needs most”

In his first and only written interview for their new album, frontman Chris Martin tells NME about how ‘Moon Music’ walked him through dark times, the humility of knowing his place, and the end of Coldplay as we know it

An interview by Andrew Trendell (October 1st, 2024)

As affable as Chris Martin is famed to be, today, he isn’t quite in the headspace to open up about Coldplay’s upcoming 10th album, ‘Moon Music’. At least, not at first. With this being his first interview for the record, he hasn’t yet verbally delved into the emotional genesis of the life-affirming opus. Forever self-deprecating, he doesn’t want to seem “pretentious” or to pretend to appear “cooler than he really is” – “especially in the NME!” he laughs.

“I don’t know if I want to put myself on that chopping block right now,” he admits, talking via Zoom from the band’s LA studio. “I’ve gotten worse and worse at describing songs over the years. I’d rather they just spoke for themselves.”

Still, warm with a smile, he finds his bearings via some pleasantries and invites us into an extended chat. It’s what you’d expect from the Coldplay frontman – tender and guarded, yet still the genial master of ceremonies; the shy, nerdy indie kid who conquered the world one stadium at a time and recently held Glastonbury in the palm of his hand. Loaded with impossibly good vibes and even a bloody Michael J Fox cameo, their record-breaking fifth headline slot saw Worthy Farm’s house band deliver a blockbuster set that bordered on the surreal. Sure, it was a lot and the show had its critics, but Martin doesn’t care.

“Right now, and since about 2008, if something lands in me as a song or as a good idea and it feels authentic, we’ll do it,” he admits. “It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. It’s very liberating, and it was probably started by Brian Eno’s philosophy when he came in to rebuild us. Since then, if I find something true and exciting, then we’ll go for it. It has led us to some really weird and amazing places.”

He continues: “In a way, [Fox] being there at Glastonbury reminded us what the whole spirit of the band and the festival is: trying to find the joy. And when you can’t find it, you need to have some good tools to go looking for it.”

Ever since Eno produced their fourth album ‘Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends’, the band have been driven by his commandments to remain “true, curious and open-minded”. That’s all been building up to ‘Moon Music’: a record made to “find the joy” and pumped full of enough of that stadium-filling loving feeling to make it the most ‘Coldplay’ Coldplay album.“That’s a nice way to describe it,” replies Martin. “It’s nice to be both an adjective and a noun, but I think we’ve earned that privilege!”

The last time NME spoke to Martin, we found him getting through a “questioning time of his life” as he overcame a “really hard time” of existential crisis with his past and the wider world. Do overly joyous acts like Glastonbury and this album help him make sense of all that?

“Yes, in the context of, ‘It’s very easy to be not happy’,” says Martin. “In a way, it’s a band manifesto: These are the things that helped me every day to not be super overwhelmed or super down.

“When things appear overwhelmingly positive, that’s so often because it’s what the singer needs most. My head tends to fill with so much negativity that over the years – in fact from the very beginning – music has been the place where I find a light and an explanation for some of the more challenging things in my life, or the people’s lives that I see.”

The path to the bright side runs throughout ‘Moon Music’. The gossamer opening title track finds Martin “trying to trust in the heaven’s above”, asking, “Is anyone out there? I’m close to the end… I just need a friend”. Via the state of the nation address of ‘We Pray’, the Lennon-indebted open-hearted anthem ‘All My Love’ and the cinematic full-stop of ‘One World’, he travels the gamut and eventually concludes that “in the end, it’s just love”.

As Martin puts it: “‘Moon Music’ is kind of the story of waking up in the morning and feeling terrible about yourself, terrible about the world – depressed, isolated, separate, alone, and not able to be yourself.

“Through the album, it’s a journey to feeling the complete opposite at the end of the day.”

TThe boundaries of Coldplay aren’t fixed to Martin and his university pals Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman, and Will Champion. Ever since Rihanna jumped on ‘Princess Of China’ back in 2011, the band have opened up their prism of pop to feature the likes of Tove Lo, Selena Gomez, Jacob Collier and K-pop powerhouse BTS across their records.

‘Moon Music’ is no different, with guest turns from Little Simz, Burna Boy, Elyanna, Tini and Ayra Starr – all helmed by producer and pop Midas, Max Martin. “I would say that the audition process for songs is really hard now, because Max Martin is here,” offers Martin. “For any of the songs to get on the album, they had to go through a sort of X Factor 2010 audition process.”

Is the Coldplay frontman more of a Simon Cowell or Louis Walsh?

“I think I’m a cross between the two – with a bit of Sharon maybe!”

Now there’s an image. Anyway, Afrobeats don Starr passed her audition to feature on the disco-indebted ‘Good Feelings’ with flying colours. The song is inspired by Jonas Carpignano’s acclaimed film Mediterranea – the story of two migrant friends who leave Africa and cross the sea to find a new life in Italy.

“The song is really supposed to be a phone call between a couple that’s separated by an ocean,” Martin tells us. “All of our royalties from that song are going to refugee charity Choose Love. Like you said, it’s a very ‘Coldplay’ Coldplay album, so even when we’re singing about extremely stressful situations, it’s important to me that it’s still trying to find the light in that situation.

“In my experience, criticising and aggressively accusing hasn’t worked, so I’d rather look at a situation that is very difficult and see a hope in there somewhere.”

Martin chose Starr to be the voice on the end of the line because, “Number one: she’s brilliant, and number two: she’s Nigerian. It would maybe work with an English person, but it wouldn’t be the same.” The remits for guesting on ‘Moon Music’ were simple: “Is it the person the song wants?”, “Is it someone Coldplay can give wider exposure to?”, and “Do they come from a completely different place to us?”

“On our records, we’re covered for middle-aged white guys,” the frontman admits. “We don’t need any more of them, really. It’s fun to expand the band into other cultures, countries, genders and sexualities. That’s really what we believe in.”

It all comes back again to authenticity. Take ‘We Pray’ – a cross-cultural, genre-defying battle cry against an increasingly hostile and divisive world in the hope that “love will shelter us from our fears”. It’s a message that means a whole lot more coming from Mercury-winning British rap icon Little Simz, Nigerian juggernaut Burna Boy, Palestinian-Chilean musician Elyanna and Argentinian singer Tini rather than a middle-aged white guy. “It would just fall apart if it didn’t have the others on,” says Martin.

Aware of their privilege, Coldplay take the time to host a party with local talent whenever they visit another country. “It’s amazing how much talent there is everywhere,” says Martin of their United Nations of pop. “It’s also humbling because you realise that we are beneficiaries of having been born English and being able to play everywhere. That comes off the back of extraordinarily awful colonialism.

“Any thought that we’re just a special group of people… just no. We’re just ordinary humans like everybody else, who happen to be born here where the language that we sing in happens to be understood in more countries than Finnish is. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

The more artists they meet, the more enter the Coldplay universe, “because it reflects the actual world”. Adopting a love of K-pop from his goddaughter and, by his own admission, NME coverage, the band had BTS feature on ‘My Universe’ from prequel album ‘Music Of The Spheres’. To Martin, it’s a natural fit. “It’s not My Bloody Valentine, it’s not indie, but it’s equally great because they’re passionate, driven people working in a way that we couldn’t do. We’re lucky that we get to mix it all together.”

He devours music. During our chat, he waxes lyrical about discovering Kneecap through NME, the “genius” of Peggy Gou and his love of the new Bad Seeds album, ‘Wild God’. “Do you want me to show you something really funny?” he asks after discussing the latter, before quickly disappearing off camera for a good minute or more, gleefully returning with an upsettingly creepy life-size puppet of Nick Cave that he fetches from his closet. For context, Martin tells us, the band’s studios are adorned with plenty to inspire them – from Nelson Mandela sketches and paintings from his mother’s native Zimbabwe to words of wisdom from collaborators. Then, there’s this. “Isn’t that cool?” he chuckles. “That’s our Nick Cave idol. I have to keep it hidden, because it scares people if it’s late at night.”

Effigies aside, Martin looks to others to keep him on his toes. Take Fontaines D.C., for example. “With competitiveness and professional jealousy, I feel very lucky that it very quickly alchemises into just being inspired by someone and then being a fan of them,” he says, buzzing with admiration. “When Fontaines or Little Simz come along, you’re just reminded that you can never phone it in. Even if you’re making something that you think no one is going to like, you have to be so sure that you do, and that you poured every last ounce of energy into it.

“You know that when they made ‘Starburster’, no one was phoning that in. When I hear that song or IDLES, I’m like, ‘Shit!’ We’re not just talking about bands; we’re talking about Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, Beyoncé – anyone that you can feel is just working so hard.”

His love of IDLES was even rewarded when, earlier this year, frontman Joe Talbot asked if they could take the ‘Yellow’ video and transform it with AI so it looks like Martin is singing along to ‘Grace’ for a music video. “I said, ‘Joe, are you sure you want to do this with Coldplay? You’re in IDLES!’” he laughs. “But I find that what’s so beautiful about the music community now – there tends to be much more love and respect among artists, regardless of genre, just based on talent and truth.”

Most bands have had their fair share of feuds in their day, but Martin hasn’t got time for the drama. “I’m sorry, this is why I feel bad talking to NME, because beef is your bread and butter!” He’s right, and we’re always hungry. “We don’t do beef,” he apologises. “I tried beef once in the NME where I said one mean thing about [Primal Scream’s] Bobby Gillespie in the year 2000 and I still feel terrible about it. I would apologise to him if I saw him. I’m just not a beefer!”

Even Liam Gallagher, who once said Martin “looks like a geography teacher” and that he found Coldplay fans to be “boring and ugly and don’t look like they’re having a good time”, has mellowed. They came together for a monumental and emotional performance of ‘Live Forever’ at Ariana Grande’s One Love Manchester concert in 2017, and the Oasis frontman told him: “I take back everything I ever said about you.”

“I’ve always loved Liam,” smiles Martin. “He blows hot and cold, but he’s always free to come round my house for tea and we’ll have lasagne…”

It won’t surprise you to learn that self-confessed fanboy Martin is also rather excited about Oasis’ supersonic return next year. “That reunion showed what music is all about,” he tells us. “It just exists to make people happy; for the people that want it. I felt really great that they decided to do that.”

Of course, not everyone was happy – many fans were left furious at being kept in online ticket queues for hours to be met with inflated costs due to dynamic pricing. The band say they had nothing to do with the decision, and it’s currently under official investigation. Coldplay are having none of that. In fact, their upcoming UK stadium shows – including a record-breaking 10-night run at Wembley – will see 10 per cent of the band’s profits going to the Music Venue Trust.

The charity have been campaigning for a mandatory levy for £1 of every ticket sold to a gig at arena level and above to go back into the grassroots, at a time when the scene faces “disaster” with around two venues closing per week in the UK. Enter Shikari took it upon themselves to do it, and now Coldplay are taking it to the next level. “The band’s support really will stop venues closing, make tours happen and bring the joy of live music to thousands of people,” said MVT CEO Mark Davyd. Even if you hate Coldplay, you can’t deny this is a classy move.

Martin tells us that he put his plan into action when he became aware of the situation at the tail-end of last year. “I’d just assumed The Leicester Charlotte would be fine,” he says. “I didn’t think there was an issue because I didn’t think about it. It was around COVID that you started to hear about this or that venue having to close. I thought, ‘Oh, we played all those venues, Oasis played all those venues – these are important’.”

Does it bother him that if venues continue to disappear, we may never see another Coldplay?

“I think a lot of people would be happy about that! The truth is that playing live is an important connection. It doesn’t bother me that there might not be another Coldplay, but it does bother me that there might not be acts that are free to start on the bottom rung and work all the way up – so that by the time they get to stadiums, they are really good. You can’t just jump into that. With all of the artists that are playing stadiums next year, it’s no coincidence that all of them started in a van, driving around and playing pubs: Oasis, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, the truth is all there. Taylor Swift has probably played more than anyone in tiny Nashville venues and county fairs.”

And, as Teesside noiseniks Benefits once put it, there’s nothing wrong with staying on the third rung.

“No, there’s nothing wrong with staying on the first rung either. Our first tour manager, God bless him, was happiest with a bag of trucker’s speed, some beer, £50 profit and a sticky floor. As soon as I started talking about having a piano, he was out! And that’s great.”

This tour also marks the beginning of the end, of sorts. The last time Martin spoke to NME, he said that Coldplay would release their final album in 2025, later revealing a plan for the band’s catalogue to end after 12 albums. Well, we’re one year off now, is that still the plan?

“Yes, it is 12 albums for sure, but we’re going to be a bit later than that,” he says. “There’s one more thing, which is a musical. [That’s] album number 11, but that might have to come out after album 12 because of how long musicals take to animate.

“Our last single is on this album, and that’s called ‘All My Love’. That’s the last ‘single’ single. We have the musical thing, then an album just called ‘Coldplay’, which is the final one. I think that will be a year late – I know it will be.”

Now at 47 years old, having a finish line in sight for Martin is only adding to his compulsion to make the most of the final lap. “The 12 album thing is very real, and it’s a nice feeling,” he tells us. “It doesn’t mean we won’t tour or finish some compilation things or outtakes or whatever. It just means that the main story is told. That’s just what feels really right. Just knowing that’s happening supercharges all the work we’re doing now.

“A combination of that 12 album deadline plus working with Max Martin means that we’re approaching everything with the same, if not more, hunger than right at the beginning. You don’t want to dilute the early stuff too much.”

Admitting that “it’s not about achievement anymore”, the frontman feels driven by the question of “what are we supposed to do” and promises that by the time the arc is complete and the 12th album is out there “everything will make sense”.

“To the people that might be freaked out when you do a song with BTS, or freaked out when we dropped the acoustic guitar: don’t worry, it’ll all make sense in the end,” he promises to the fans still pining for “when they woz good” back in the days of ‘Yellow’ and ‘Shiver’.

And what will life look like for Coldplay and Chris Martin after that final album?

“Touring, curating. What Liam [Gallagher] has just done with ‘Definitely Maybe’ has reignited that album. We will get to a point where it will be fun to not re-release but remember the earlier stuff and enjoy it again and do things specific to those periods. I have an idea for another type of show that’s more of a hotch-potch of everything. Maybe it’s not always about trying to be in stadiums, but you can do small things where you try and play the odd songs. I think it would also be nice to help younger artists a bit.”

There you have it, folks – the plan for the end of the multi-million album-shifting Coldplay machine as you know it. And Martin is very much looking forward to spending his latter years in the backseat. “It’s like when someone becomes a football pundit and stops trying to score goals,” he says, excited about becoming the Gary Lineker of music, albeit without the crisps. “I feel that within a few years, it might go a bit more that way for myself. Not right now. Right now I’m super hungry and so excited to go to work every day. It’s such a clear picture of what we’re supposed to be doing.”

You can see why he’s reticent to talk about the inspiration behind his music, especially when it’s the means to an end of a coping mechanism – and now it’s a very real end. Coldplay has given Chris Martin a home, a purpose, a tonic, and a galaxy of fans, artists and friends as his family. As he sang on debut album ‘Parachutes’’ opening track ‘Don’t Panic’: “All that I know, there’s nothing here to run from, because everybody here’s got somebody to lean on”.

“Finishing on ‘Moon Music’, I’m so grateful for the people around this album and the songs that have arrived,” ends Martin. “I don’t know where they come from, I never know where they come from, but I’m like, ‘Wow, we’ve finally got an album that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to put in the same room as my favourite albums.”

#coldplay #chris martin #good feelings #we pray #moon music #moon music era #interview

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kylesvariouslistsandstuff · 5 months ago

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Estimated $100m second weekend for INSIDE OUT 2... Really out here breaking some records, eh? Rare for a movie, and the first time for an animated movie, should the estimates be on the low end. Very possible the actual is like $98-99m, which is still very impressive, and only an approx. 35% drop.

If it gets over $100m over the three-day, it'll sit with all-timers THE FORCE AWAKENS, ENDGAME, INFINITY WAR, BLACK PANTHER, JURASSIC WORLD, and THE AVENGERS...

Really shows that the original INSIDE OUT is beloved after its blockbuster run in 2015, and it shows that audiences quite like this movie and are back for more. Might even make a play for INCREDIBLES 2's $608m domestic total, unadjusted of course. (The actual total in today's ticket prices is around $720m, per The-Numbers.) That would make it the highest-earning animated movie domestically, but right now, Pixar's Supers hold that title. Adjusted, it will always belong to SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS.

But if anybody was gonna beat Pixar, it was gonna be Pixar. I don't see another studio getting a shot at this, maybe except cousin studio Disney Animation and their MOANA 2... Or DreamWorks if SHREK 5 really lands like a meteor in a few years from now.

Worldwide, INSIDE OUT 2 sits at $724m. Again, within two weeks of release. Already circling the original's $857m take. (Before anyone says it, the film saw a small re-release in July 2020 that pushed the take to... $858m. Know that I refer to original release grosses, lol.)

And with this movie doing so well, I see all the Chicken Little-ing... Over the wrong problem.

"We're NEVER getting an original movie from this studio again"

Okay... Let me try to debunk this.

I don't think an animation studio of this size can feasibly ONLY make sequels, because eventually... Wells run dry. Also, the people who yell this often online... Are they aware that ELIO exists and will be released next summer? Are they aware that Domee Shi, director of TURNING RED, has a new movie in the works at Pixar? (It's not ELIO, she is likely just doing story/script on that one.) Are they aware that Pixar has a movie slotted for release in late winter 2026 between ELIO and TOY STORY 5?

I'll tell you something funny... There was a fellow who insisted to me in December 2015 that Pixar was going to be done with original movies after THE GOOD DINOSAUR became the studio's first money-loser. That they'd put COCO on hold, and that would be it... LOL. This person also claimed to be a shareholder... That speaks volumes.

But no, really... You need to keep making untested or original movies in order to have things to make sequels to in the first place. And one of Pixar's recent losses was... A spin-off of TOY STORY featuring a version of one of their most recognizable, practically synonymous-with-their-name characters. Yeah, that epic movie about Lenny the binoculars!

So, please... Never making originals again? That's just a bad business plan and completely not feasible.

When originals/non-sequels don't meet the corporations' expectations (because I refuse to call SOUL, LUCA, TURNING RED and ELEMENTAL "flops" in any way, shape, or form... *Especially* the first three), the studios don't stop making them... They stop making them in a specific way.

Hence, Pete Docter - likely with Bob Iger pointing a gun at his head - saying Pixar won't make "autobiographical" movies anymore. Basically no more TURNING REDs, and more... Well, whatever the early 2026 movie is going to be. (Which is not this "Ducks" thing people keep insisting it is, as far as I know.)

The other studios do that, too. Off the top of my head... DreamWorks had a bunch of these fantasy movie in the works circa 2011. Stuff like THE GRIMM LEGACY, RUMBLEWICK, ALMA, fantastical stories with something of a darker bent to them. They were also considering adapting GIL'S ALL FRIGHT DINER... They had all these really cool movies in the works that would've redefined what a DreamWorks movie could be, post-SHREK. And then after a movie called RISE OF THE GUARDIANS lost money (even though it had good legs and became a cult hit thereafter), all of it never happened. ME AND MY SHADOW, which was in some form of production and was HOTLY anticipated by the animation community, got canceled. They proceeded to finish TURBO and MR. PEABODY & SHERMAN.

Both of which also "flopped"... I remember Jeffrey Katzenberg, when he was still running that place, saying something to the tune of: "Well those failed because we tried to aim at preteens and teenagers." Really? TURBO and PEABODY, which were overpriced to begin with, were aiming for that age group? The plan going forward was "We're going to make movies for kids and their parents." Whatever the hell that meant. Eventually, Comcast bought DreamWorks, a little over a year later. And the flightplan constantly changed after that.

Studios don't give up on movies that aren't sequels, they just re-route them. They find "reasons" for previous movie failures, and usually it's the fault of the filmmakers and the stories they chose to tell. It's never any outside circumstances, which are actually often the case with money-losing movies. The very movies that go on to be big on home video and streaming, and attain cult followings. With today's line of thinking, Walt Disney wouldn't have even gotten past PINOCCHIO's disastrous original release results.

So instead of yelling "we'll never get original movies again", I direct my energy elsewhere... And I say "Well, hopefully the future movies - both original and sequel - don't fall flat because of needless executive interference that attempts to *correct* a perceived problem." That to me is the issue, not the fantasy of Pixar completely stopping making original movies altogether.

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vukovich · 1 year ago

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V: video 👀

--I missed this from a prompt game, and now I can't find the prompt list, so it is hereby bequeathed the status of a Peculiar Prompt--

It Happened in a Blockbuster (as was the style at the time)

Y2K was probably all made up, Draco figured as he passed the news stand. The cover stories were nonsense about computers, and those, as far as he could tell, were actually magical.

But it was nothing to worry about. Or that's what Pansy had said when he mentioned it a few months ago. In October? No, September. Had it been that long?

The bell above the video store door jingled as he entered. He'd half-expected it to be closed at 8 PM on New Year's Eve.

After he slid his DVD returns through the slot, he took a deep breath. It always smelled the same. Something like socks, rubber, and artificial butter. The decor was bold blue and yellow, or had been before a decade's sun and slush, and maybe under the shelves, the carpet was still bright.

The clerk gave him a passing wave and went back to his magazine. His name was Terry, but Draco had never addressed him as such, because learning someone's name via their nametag felt illicit. He wouldn't call him by his name unless they'd properly introduced themselves, which they hadn't. And probably wouldn't.

Draco went days at a time without speaking to anyone. Not because he wanted to, it was just that there was rarely someone to talk to.

New releases first, right by the door, but Draco had already watched them. To the right, the children's movies with their covers like sweets boxes. To the left, in tidy alphabetical order, were films that had been in the store for between one and three months, precisely, and then they'd be shelved forevermore by genre and title.

Documentaries were what he rented most, but they weren't his favorite. They were good for when he wanted to feel as though he were sitting in companionable silence with someone. Action films were best for when his thoughts were too loud and needed to be drowned out by car chases and explosions. Romance movies were his favorite, but he was rarely in a state to watch them.

He'd never climb Mt Everest like in a documentary, or take down a rival car thief gang, but love? Unfortunately, love was something he could have, and the fact that he didn't was too much to sit with.

The wedding invitations started coming in like junk mail last year. Draco had tossed them all in his building's dumpster. Not many people had noticed his missing RSVPs.

He didn't need to witness romance in a church or on a television screen. Not if he could help it.

And especially on New Year's Eve. Alone.

He hadn't planned on becoming a film junkie. And maybe he wasn't really. He rarely remembered an actor or producer's name. He couldn't say what was a "bad" film versus a "good" one. Everything he knew about films was subjective. He liked blonde leads, either all romance or no romance, because a romance taking second booking to an action plot was an insult to both.

But having watched most of the local Blockbuster's stock hadn't been in his post-war plans. Well, assuming he'd had post-war plans. Which he didn't. Everyone else did, and they'd gone out and done them.

He thumbed through copies of Muppets from Space to see if one might be an extended edition. It wasn't.

A shorter man took down a copy of Never Been Kissed and turned it over in his hands. Drew Barrymore was one of Draco's least favorite lead actresses, so the fact that she mainly did romantic comedies was just fine by him. If he ever had to sit though her narrating a documentary, he'd-

"Malfoy?" Harry Potter was standing there, holding Drew Barrymore in his hands. "Hey, cool. I didn't know you lived around here."

He reached out to vaguely shake Draco's hand, skirted it into an almost-high five, then smoothed his hair back.

It was surreal seeing him somewhere like this. Arguably a bigger celebrity than anyone on that movie box, but Muggles didn't know. It was no big deal when he ran into Neville in the grocery store, or Granger at the bank. They weren't Harry Potter.

"Yeah," was all Draco said. "On Wilson Ave."

"Okay, well," Harry said, "Um, see you around?"

He waved the movie box as he turned to leave, but only made it a few paces before he stopped.

Draco quirked an eyebrow in question.

Harry bit the inside of his lip, then eventually said, "People talk about you." Before Draco could react, Harry shook his head, then added, "Not like, in a bad way. Like, we check in on you."

Draco's brow furrowed. "What?"

"It just comes up sometimes, you know? Has anyone seen Malfoy lately? How's he doing? What's he up to? You know, just stuff like that."

"Oh," Draco said.

"I just..." Harry smoothed his hair back with the movie box. "I just thought you might like knowing, you know?"

"Oh."

Draco looked down at the geometric patterns in the faded carpet. Did it matter that his classmates kept tabs on him? Like a surveillance web. Some kind of watchful net.

It made a certain warmth spread through his chest, because it did matter.

"Thanks," he said, swallowing thickly. He nodded towards Harry's hand. "That's probably an awful film. You'll have to believe in the kissability of Drew Barrymore."

Harry pulled a face and put it back on the shelf. "Dodged a bullet. Want to help me pick something else out? I'm not in a hurry."

Draco's lips cracked a smile. "Sure."

Three days later, he returned Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me, and took copies of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, GoldenEye, License to Kill,and Romeo + Juliet up to the desk.

"Hi, Terry," he said.

Terry rolled his eyes and scanned Draco's Blockbuster card. "You've got a late fee of... " he squinted at the computer monitor. "Two hundred thousand, five hundred, and thirty-seven pounds?"

Draco gasped. That Y2K nonsense really had turned all the computers evil.

#drarry #peculiar prompts #eventually you get so old that you have to put links in your fics so the young people understand them

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manysmallhands · 11 months ago

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Top 10 Albums of 2023!

This was all supposed to work out differently. As i recall from the now long distant past, my original plan was to do a countdown where i put up one post a day throughout December. However, I got Covid on December 1st and that plan immediately became lame and useless. After that, my assumption was basically that i wouldn't be able to do any of this, but i got better more quickly than i'd anticipated and found myself working on these reviews in bits as the month has gone on. So, having rushed through all the the song blurbs that i wanted to do, here i am on New Year's Eve with a more or less finished Top 10 albums to put up.

The only problem is that there are ten quite lengthy reviews here and the vibe is already pretty tl:dr. But tbh that's fine: there really is only my girlfriend who ever reads everything (and i believe her, trust is what love is all about after all) so for anyone looking at this and thinking blimey, that's a lot of text, my advice is: you don't have to read any of it. Just look at the albums, scan thru to see if it sounds like something you might like and give one or two of them a listen if that looks like the case. The words are really just to keep me occupied but i'd like to hope that someone likes some of the records.

I said yesterday that i would reveal what the best one is and so I am now delivering on that important promise. The best one is Scarlet by Doja Cat. Anyone who follows me on whatever platform already knows that the best one is Scarlet by Doja Cat. Don't make me say it again.

Barbie - The Album

Few people have seemed much interested in the Barbie soundtrack, other than the punters who kept it atop the compilations chart for four months. I, as ever, channel the spirit of the populous. The sound is basically 80s synth pop updated for a modern audience - the likes of Haim and Ava Max slot in predictably well - but its the extra dimensions created by how the artists interact with the film that provide some of its more interesting aspects. Sam Smith’s Man I Am reflects a surprisingly LGBTQ Ken despite protestations (certainly its "I'm not gay bro, but..." T-shirt is prompting a lot of questions already answered by the shirt), while Billie Eilish dwelling on life as a manufactured product makes for interesting and uncomfortable parallels in What Was I Made For. Mark Ronson’s plasticky production suits its subject to a tee, further cementing the conceptual unity of the project.

Star turns abound throughout the album as A-listers like Dua Lipa and Lizzo bring their best games alongside some terrific and unlikely downcard cameos. What Was I Made For? and Dance The Night were both deserved #1s, but the pacey pop punk of GAYLE’s Butterflies and Dominic Fike’s breezy, hook laden Hey Blondie are as much highlights as any of the bigger names here. Special mention should be made for Ryan Gosling’s I’m Just Ken, a blockbuster 70s rock number that, whilst puncturing the wider stylistic template, is batshit and hilarious enough to more than justify its place as well as netting him a surprise hit too. The quality lapses once or twice (Tame Impala in particular are bloody awful) but by the time Ava fires the final laser I’m generally happy to go back and start all over again. With banger after banger here, my verdict is in: the Barbie soundtrack is *Charli voice* HOT!

Claire Rosinkranz - Just Because

While this has been a year that I’ve gotten more fully into pop, it took a while for me to find many new albums that I’ve been interested in. This may partly be to do with me clinging to an idea that LPs ought to be substantial beyond having good hooks and charm. In truth, all I needed to do was revert to my indiepop training, where bands have never knowingly been fussed about having any great weightiness. But even so, it took Just Because to make it clear to me that no, you really don’t need any grand vision at all: a high number of great if frothy pop songs will do just fine. It’s a record which bounces from banger to banger in an endearingly sunny style, with each tune so catchy that their lightness becomes a strength rather than a weakness.

Rosinkranz’s voice seems to mark her out as one of the many Billie clones who populate the current pop scene but her musical ambitions are both simpler and more instantly engaging. Not yet 20, her songs have an element of schoolyard whispers which add a welcome silliness here and there, but she also plays with the intensity of youthful emotions to make them a little heartrending even as she goofs off. Highlights include Dreamer, a break up song where the vocal makes it clear that she’s far from as done as she says she is, and Wes Anderson, which offers some sombre advice but packages it in a song so sweet that you’d never know. But in spite of all this it makes no end of year lists (well, maybe just the one), being merely a lovable set of songs that are very hard to forget. Need it be more? I don't believe so.

Doja Cat - Scarlet

Mired in discourse throughout the year, Doja Cat still found time to make a chart topping single (Paint The Town Red) that took the world by storm and a cracking album which, sadly, did not. Scarlet was in my opinion the better of the two: largely ditching the afrobeat pop of Planet Her, Doja staked her claim as an old skool rapper and brought it off pretty well, mixing hard rhyming with her more scattershot pop delivery and sounding entirely comfortable wherever she landed. While flitting musically between modern RnB and neo-soul grooves, her subject matter was largely taken up by how much she hated her fans, a bold strategy that found her shedding support even as blistering tracks like Fuck The Girls shaped up as some of my favourites of the year.

Whilst I’ve found myself uncomfortable with both the company that she keeps and the views which she may or may not subscribe to (i feel safe in saying that she's a right wing edgelord but i suspect that’s the least of it), Scarlet is such a good album that I’ve found myself, if not making excuses for her, then at least deftly navigating around my distaste in order to keep listening to it. While Agora Hills often reminded me how serious she is about her scumbag of a boyfriend, it’s still a song that can submerge me in its beauty entirely; while some of the complaints from her online audience are less easily dismissed than others, it’s more comfortable just to think about the morons calling her a devil worshiper, especially when she mocks them so wickedly on the elegant Skull And Bones. Am I the problem? Maybe I am: it’s a place I often find myself in with hip hop, where faves are frequently problematic and exceptions beg to be made. As such, I can not wholeheartedly recommend this record to people who might want to take a principled stand against some of her bullshit. I can only say that, as a musical talent, there was no one better all year.

Lana Del Rey - Did You Know That There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Boulevard?

After 2021’s fairly middling brace of albums, Did You Know That There’s A Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd always felt like it was going to be a return to form and this time the faithful were not disappointed. It was another epic and sprawling record which unfolded like a cross between The Bible and a 50s musical. While changeable in style, ranging from hammy country ballads to trap beats and beyond, the thing that springs to mind most often is the Great American Songbook, as Lana takes the melodramatic grandeur of those standards and soaks them in her own messy and complicated worldview. This draws in family, romance, the future, her relationship with religion and how it all scrappily fits together, ranging widely and wildly across 75 extraordinary minutes.

Much of the album feels like it’s being broadcast from a kind of dreamworld, although one that overlays with reality neatly enough. Lana’s dismissive “if you want some basic bitch go to the Beverly Centre and find her” line undercuts the mood on the otherwise lush and evocative Sweet but the impact is hilarious rather than jarring, a perfect marriage of the strange and mundane. In contrast, the brooding A&W initially brings that realism to a far more uncomfortable level, before goofing off wonderfully in the second half in a way that only Lana ever really dares to do. Much of the record feels like it's creating its own language, as key phrases (“let the light in”, “when you know, you know”) are repeated and musical themes come back around in strange modulations. All in all, while perhaps less satisfying as a pop record than Norman Fucking Rockwell, Did You Know… feels like her most complete statement on a personal level yet, whilst still working well within the broader world that she’s spent over a decade constructing.

Mitski - The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We

Despite liking the odd song or two, I have until now been largely immune to Mitski over the full length of an album. But The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We has a much more organic sound than I’m used to hearing from her, well adrift from the polished guitar rock of her big 10s records. Instead, it takes many of its cues from classic folk and country, occasionally lush and expansive, often determinedly sombre but always at a distance from the areas where she’s generally been at home. Opener Bug Like An Angel is a brooding scene setter, where Mitski unveils the terse and grumpy presence we will grow familiar with over the next half hour. The main elements of the album are already in place - the spare instrumentation; Mitski’s extraordinary voice, hard and intransigent but still full of yearning; the occasional, overwhelming interjections from the wings. It all creates a distinctive atmosphere, extremely intense but intimate too: we’re allowed into Mitski’s world but there’s a lot to take in.

Lyrically, the songs are both heavily allusive and extremely personal, like hearing ancient parables told by the characters from the story. Surprise hit My Love Mine All Mine seems to sit apart as a relatively standard love song but a closer listen reveals deeper layers; the placing of her love as something independent from its object makes it feel more of a piece with the album’s other enigmas. At a time where Mitski seemed to be cooling on being a rock star, The Land Is Inhospitable adds a new twist to her long musical journey, seemingly presenting a more intimate portrait while in fact retaining most of her essential mystery. As an album, it really is quite something: what that is I’m less certain of but I like it regardless.

Olivia Rodrigo - Guts

Tho I wouldn't have called myself a hater (I don’t think I would have been bothered enough), I don't really like Olivia’s all conquering debut Sour, which I thought a bit too one-note and overpopulated with slushy ballads. But by the time Guts came around I was open to listening again, drawn in by its excellent singles and primed for a different experience. Vampire, the best of them and more or less of this year, was a fantastic example of taking something that Olivia is clearly very accomplished at (the grand piano lament) and then, rather than running that into the ground, instead using it as a springboard for an entirely different idea. Get Him Back and Bad Idea Right hark back to earlier guitar based tracks like Brutal, but on Guts they form a much more substantive part of the album, cementing its brand of addictive pop grunge and working up a much goofier version of her messy teen persona.

Elsewhere, the ballads did in fact return. Some have speculated that this may have been a bad idea (right?) but for me they’ve been growers, particularly the likes of Lacy and The Grudge, where Olivia explores the bitterness of youth and uses it to tear holes in the people who’ve wronged her. But if I’m honest, it’s the rockers that I’m usually waiting for: whether the new wave pastiche of Love Is Embarrassing or autumnal Cure homage Pretty Isn’t Pretty, each one feels like a mini-revelation and it’s the style that I hope she leans on most in the future.

Palehound - Eye On The Bat

Palehound have been around for a while now and every so often I’ve given their records a try and haven't really managed to connect with them properly. Eye on the Bat has been the first exception, though whether that's because it’s any better than the others or I just made more of an effort with it I don’t know. Its template is certainly well worn in the indie world - country rock with varying degrees of aggression or melodic sweetness - but there’s still a lot here that grabs my attention, especially in the charming indie pop of the title track and the heart-rending melancholy of Route 22.

But the thing that caught my ear the most was Ellen Kempner’s disarming honesty, with much of the album spent documenting what sounds like a deeply messy break up. Whether she’s bitterly picking through the fall out on Independence Day or remembering some hilariously embarrassing bedroom scene on opener Good Sex, Eye On The Bat's almost diaristic view is mesmerising throughout, making you warm to Kempner even as she works thru some of her own worst traits. And aside from anything else, her understanding of relationships underlines her strengths as a lyricist, as she dissects their complexities with wit, sympathy and occasional anger to capture all the stuff that transcends whatever we were hoping for in the first place.

Poppy - Zig

After the wild ride that commenced with 2020’s extraordinary pop/metal mash up I Disagree, Poppy has journeyed thru indie rock, goth and punk to wind up back where she started, only not quite. Zig may represent a return to pop - indeed it’s produced by Weeknd affiliate Ali Payami - but it’s one that’s filtered thru all of the places she stopped off along the way.

The crepuscular grind of Church Outfit and Knockoff sound like more danceable versions of the I Disagree sound, while the crunching title track suggests that she can still go as hard as ever. But there are nods to a lighter side here as well, particularly in the strong trio that wind up the album: The Attic recasts her sound in a euphoric drum n bass clatter whilst closer Prove It kicks up a remarkable blend of manic hyperpop and gentle electro-balladry, whilst still working in the rich emotional palette that she’s developed in recent years.

In one sense this is a huge departure from the frenetic punk of last year’s Stagger EP but the vibes here stake out territory that you’d still find oddly familiar. Some of the gothy ballads are less immediate than other songs but nothing on Zig is boring, just varying refinements on her ever evolving musical journey. The critics were split, occasionally rattled and sometimes just plain baffled, but that’s only to be expected by now. Poppy follows her own plan and rarely sticks to the same tune: in truth it’s a privilege just to be a witness to the chaos.

Sweeping Promises - Good Living Is Coming For You

One thing that I find missing in a lot of modern guitar based music is snappy songs with good catchy hooks. While Sweeping Promises appear to place their focus elsewhere - their high concept sound is best understood as someone broadcasting direct from 1979 through a wristwatch speaker - their second album still finds time to deliver fully on the tunes. Good Living Is Coming To You is steeped in bubblegum melodies and memorable choruses, with songs that become earworms before you’ve even registered how catchy they are.

More than anything, it's dominated by Lira Mondal’s imperious vocals: whether it’s in the cascading harmonies of Throw Of The Dice, the fierce yells and hisses that close out the title track or her sweet voiced switch-outs on Ideal No, her character springs out of every song in a way that few singers ever really manage to impose. While you might think that the post punk era has been mined to death by now, Sweeping Promises drag new life into it by going back further: their sound may be heavily rooted in a specific moment but the elements of songcraft often have more in common with 60s girl group classics than gnarled art rockers. Ten bangers and no filler: Good Living Is Coming For You is everything I wanted from it and more.

Wednesday - Rat Saw God

While the queasy vibes of 2021’s Twin Plagues are still high in the mix here, it was the welcome injection of melody on Wednesday's third album that managed to alert the media. That lightness was more apparent in Karly Hartzman's lyrics than you might notice on a passing listen too: though often praised for her grimly amusing takes on middle American backwaters, the key to them was her deceptively soft touch, casting a sympathetic eye over grisly scenes even as she retained their gnarlier undertones.

Single Chosen To Deserve, with its crunching chorus and heartwarming romantic turnaround, feels like the designated big moment from the record but in reality Rat Saw God has an embarrassment of riches. Quarry in particular, with its Waterloo Sunset-esque signature and matter-of-fact dissection of grim local gossip, is an almost pop version of the most haunting aspects of Hartzman's craft, while the washed out bounce of closer TV in the Gas Pump pitches a lonelier scene in a similarly gorgeous manner.

This is not to forget that Wedneday can still rock extremely hard when they want to, especially on the brutal 8 minute Bull Believer, an ambitious multipart epic that ends with Hartzman screaming “FINISH HIM!!!” repeatedly over the chaotic finale. But while Rat Saw God brought this kind of sawtoothed sound back to widespread acclaim, its real trick was how it sugared the pill just enough to get it past even the most determinedly sweet tooth.

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dweemeister · 1 year ago

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July 4, 2023

By Michael Kogge

(IndieWire) —Television archaeologists take note: you don’t need to dig deep into the medium’s origins to uncover a diamond in the rough. Treasures can be found in the recent past. And one of those treasures involves the greatest fictional archaeologist of them all, Indiana Jones.

On March 4, 1992, ABC premiered the two-hour movie pilot of “The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles” in its 8 p.m. slot to much fanfare. The show’s titular hero was a younger (and older) version of Harrison Ford’s blockbuster icon, who at 10, 17, and yes, 93, had his own set of primetime adventures. Since the series was the brainchild of filmmaker and franchise-builder George Lucas, outlets like USA Today, The Washington Post and The New York Times covered it extensively. Lucas wanted his “Chronicles” to do what movies couldn’t: tell one big story over 20 to 40 hours of programming. In today’s streaming landscape, that sounds perfectly conventional, yet in the era of 1990s’ network television, it was revolutionary.

Television archaeologists take note: you don’t need to dig deep into the medium’s origins to uncover a diamond in the rough. Treasures can be found in the recent past. And one of those treasures involves the greatest fictional archaeologist of them all, Indiana Jones.

Nonetheless, like so many highly anticipated shows, “Young Indiana Jones” failed to break into the cultural zeitgeist. ABC gave it a second season, out of goodwill to Lucas likely in hopes of future “Star Wars” material, yet the ratings couldn’t keep the show on the air. Over the years, the Chronicles occasionally surfaced on home video, but it’s never truly been given the due it’s deserved. Now that Disney+ has re-released the series along with the Indiana Jones feature films, viewers can watch Lucas’s grand vision of telling the history of the 20th century through the life of one man and make an assessment for themselves.

IndieWire recently spoke to the one actor who has spent more screentime in the role than even Harrison Ford: Sean Patrick Flanery, who played Indiana Jones during his formative years of 17 to 22 on the television series. Flanery relates how he nabbed the role, how the show continues to be one of the highlights of his career, and why it may have faded from the popular imagination.

#Indiana Jones #The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones #The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles #Sean Patrick Flanery #George Lucas #Lucasfilm #IndieWire

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hopetorun · 2 years ago

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"nights like these" for the meme!

before i dive into this, some notes: (1) this actually isn't something i would write because i do not feel like i have a read on one of the main characters or the vibes of the 2013-2022 florida panthers. (2) i'm so sorry if you personally aren't into this. (3) it got away from me so much of it is under a cut

anyway here is the story: it's september of 2022 in fort lauderdale, florida. florida panthers summer blockbuster acquisition matthew tkachuk is happy, and thriving, and ready to succeed in his new home, where he'll wear shorts and loafer mules 365 days a year. he has a great house that cost him basically his whole signing bonus and enough loved ones eager to visit that he'll never have to be banging around the giant house alone. he already has a sunburn.

there's only one small, small issue: he's 100% heartbroken.

(now for our purposes i don't think leon is the one who broke his heart. i think either johnny -- tragic unrequited love that johnny finally shut down? complicated relationship johnny broke off to flee to ohio? -- or just some guy he was dating who dumps him for some devastating reason that matthew handles with no grace at all internally and with perfect poise externally)

anyway, he's here now. new team. fresh start. he's going to make new friends and fill his life with rich new relationships and not miss what he used to have at all. one of those rich new relationships is going to be with his teammate and captain and definitely soon to be friend sasha barkov. he always wants to make friends but he's especially determined about this one.

what he doesn't know is that sasha is also heartbroken. his boyfriend? fwb? undefined something? jonny huby was up and traded with no warning and also dumped him. (see this is where i don't know enough about the vibes of the 2013-2022 florida panthers)

but sasha is friendly, and he clearly likes matthew, even if he's quiet and, matthew thinks, careful with his heart. but matthew's easy to like, you know? he's upbeat and thoughtful and generous and wants the people he's with to know he cares about them.

they get to know each other slowly, carefully, but still ... with maybe too much intensity. they do both have these major holes in their lives that they're looking for something to fill. late nights sharing a drink or a meal after the game that turn into really late nights, that sometimes turn into very early mornings. the season isn't going great, and they talk about that, but they also talk about their lives and their families and matthew's old team and what they think their current team could be, if they could get everyone healthy at the same time.

slowly, they start to spill about their past relationships, too. the nights don't get shorter. sometimes they crash at each other's places, just because it's easier. matthew likes not clattering around a big house by himself in the morning, likes the noise of sasha cursing under his breath at the fancy espresso machine taryn basically ordered him to buy and the soft murmur of the tv from the other room. it's what he wanted when he bought this big stupid house, to have someone (or many someones, a whole family) to fill it up with.

matthew is the main character of all star weekend, and he feels sasha watching him, and it feels like that has its own weight. every time he makes sasha laugh it feels heavier and more important and harder to think about too much. wanting things is how he got his heart broken in the first place. it's easier if he doesn't.

and then, of course, things start to go well and that makes it even more impossible to look directly at. he can't fuck this up now. can't rock the boat. but the thing between them, big and scary and intense and yet still easy, it's always easy, it felt like slotting into a place he was always meant to be from the beginning -- that thing, that doesn't go away.

matthew doesn't breathe a word of it until they finally lose. (conference final? cup final? is this concept i'm spinning on tumblr gonna get jossed in a month?) sasha comes over, maybe a day or two later, and they drink beers outside and nearly get caught by a thunderstorm and matthew kisses him while the rain beats against the windows and sasha doesn't sleep in the guest room that night

#ask meme #my fic #fic by daisysusan

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nickmaghighlights · 1 year ago

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Nick Mag Highlights - #118 February 2006

Welcome back to Nick Mag Highlights! Would you believe it: Two of the greatest Nickelodeon shows crossing over in one half-hour special? For the second time? It’s a kid’s dream come true! Again! So let’s read all about it.

So yeah, sorry for the wait on this one. A couple of IRL setbacks plus taking on a volley of different big personal projects at once resulted in quite a hit towards my motivation. But hey, we’re here now, and I’m happy to get back into it.

Little sneak preview while I’m here: One of the things I’ve been working on is a new NMH Side Issue post! One that’s covering a mag that’s ostensibly part of Nickelodeon history thanks to its connection to a very prolific creative figure at the studio. Very wordy book though, so naturally both reading it and my analysis of it is gonna take longer than normal. And then I gotta do the research and fact-checking and yadda yadda, it’ll be ready when it's ready. In the meantime I’ve always got Nickelodeon Magazine to come back to.

Read along if you’d like, I think it’s the cool thing to do!

Neopets was still Viacom (parent company of Nickelodeon)’s latest big purchase at the time of this mag’s release, with them having bought it eight months earlier back in June of 2005, so it’s not surprising seeing the new blockbuster Neopets thing getting a big ‘ole two page spread right at the beginning of the magazine.

While Neopets is famous for originally being financially supported by scientology, it was Viacom's stint with the brand that actually got me to give the site a try for a short time (thanks to a Burger King promotion of all things, if memory serves me correctly). If they don't delete old, inactive accounts then I hope my T-Rex Neopet has been doing well for itself. They can’t die, right?

I love this ad. I’m not sure what kind of vibe they were going for here but it almost feels kind of dystopian with the polluted-looking air and all the TV screens weirdly protruding out every which way. Adding to that feeling for me was that I initially thought all that shrubbery down below was a huge audience of adoring viewers. Feels like something out of The Running Man. Super cool.

Always important to check out what Nickelodeon itself was doing around the time. I remember being really excited for Drake & Josh Go Hollywood, and seeing how it went on to gross more than 5 million viewers, I guess I wasn’t alone. Really bothers me to find out it’s just called Go Hollywood and not Go To Hollywood like I thought it was all these years, but I guess I’ll live.

And speaking of millions of viewers, this section also mentions the then-upcoming SpongeBob SquarePants special “Dunces & Dragons” (oddly not actually referred to here with an actual title), which grossed more than 8 million viewers.

Oh, and it’s Black History Month. Y’know just kind of a footnote slotted in the middle there. You'd think that'd get an article or interview, I don’t know. I’m sure Kyra appreciates the shoutout at least.

Woah. Imagine living in a pre-High School Musical world. Nowadays High School Musical is the made-for-TV-movie that baby made-for-TV-movies want to grow up to be. Now we’ve got two sequels, a TV spinoff (a TV spinoff that won five Kids’ Choice Awards apparently, funnily enough), and a mountain of films that tried to cash in on that success. Mostly from Disney Channel themselves. Camp Rock, anyone?

Funny to see the not-Jumanji family classic Zathura listed as Josh Hutcherson’s big recognizable role when he’d end up co-starring in the critically lauded cultural touchstone The Hunger Games just a few years later. And now he’s starring in that Five Nights at Freddy’s movie coming out this year. What a career.

There’s gotta be some irony to me sitting here and enjoying what I probably called the “boring parts” of the magazine back when I was a kid. C’mon though, this is pretty neat! I’ll run through all the topics real quick if you’d like to learn more.

Notes From Underground - The Great Stalacpipe Organ

Still standing to this day, the instrument has been refurbished a couple times since it was featured in this magazine. In 2012 a band by the name of Pepe Deluxé composed and played the first ever song exclusively for the Stalacpipe Organ, called “In The Cave” and featured it in their album Queen of the Wave. Give it a listen, it’s a creepy kind of beautiful. Must’ve been hard to record, too!

Playing With Their Food - The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra

The orchestra is still active and has even done a couple of performances this year! I doubt they still make soup from their instruments though. But to be honest even without having to worry about viral diseases I’m not too interested in soup made exclusively of vegetables that have been blown into for several hours.

Talk About Slow Jamz! - Organ²/ASLSP

Miraculously the performance is still on track. They didn’t play a note this year but the next one is scheduled for February 5th. The second slowest performance of the piece lasted 16 hours and took place last year.

World’s Hottest Tunes - Fire Organs

I can’t really find much about this one online, but I guess it speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

Take a look at a performance and try not to think about how hot it must be in that auditorium whenever he plays that thing.

Alright, it’s time for a confession. You ready to hear the horrible truth? …Okay, here goes:

I don’t know very much about music.

I guess it was probably a bad choice for me to write about a magazine themed around music. I got pretty far without having to disclose my lack of knowledge though, right? And in my defense, Nickelodeon lured me in with that Jimmy Timmy Power Hour cover.

And I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like music. I love a bit of jazz now and then*. But still, none of the names here really ring a bell, so I don't know if any of these answers are ironic or out-of-character or so in-character it’s adorable or whatever. At least I can appreciate they spared no expense, they never usually have this many interviews. There’s even a third page with even more of them if you want to check it out.

*My top jazz favorites are Kim Scott (Spotify) and Pieces Of A Dream (Spotify). If you were curious.

It’s really cool to see something encouraging kids to make their own mix CDs. I do kinda wish there was more than one cover though. Not everybody wants to chill.

Aw man, come to think of it, is Gen-Z the last generation to do personal mixtapes and CDs? Or is that still a thing? Regardless I kind of wish I had gotten into doing that when I was younger, it seems like a fun thing to do between friends. Plus my knowledge of music would probably be way stronger than it is now. What do kids do nowadays, send each other Spotify playlists? I guess that's a bit more convenient.

I think I've talked about these Pop-Tart ads before. They were in these magazines all the time so they must’ve come up already. I think I even gave them some credit. But as attention grabbing as they were I really still don't understand the intention. What's so appetizing about seeing these little guys just get absolutely destroyed all the time? Are kids supposed to think about how they’re snuffing the life out of their morning Pop-Tarts?

A very awesome and adorable cover we have here, courtesy of Vera Brosgol (author and illustrator of the award-winning Anya’s Ghost, plus Head of Story on Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio). You can check out her website to see more of her work here.

Nice little comic by Greg Cook. And wouldn’t you know that guy’s Wikipedia article has Nickelodeon Magazine mentioned in its first sentence? That’s cool. Also I feel like the man himself might’ve written his own Wikipedia article. The lack of citations and the way it’s written like the “About Me” page for a blog gives me that kind of vibe. If so, thanks for remembering us, Greg!

Now here’s some of that Jimmy-Timmy content I was promised! I was starting to get worried.

I find it interesting how well Jimmy and Timmy bounce off of each other, but I guess now that I think about it their shows weren’t that different really, at least in terms of subject matter, were they? In broad strokes they’re both kids with big egos whose imaginations tend to get them into trouble. And seeing those big egos clash is naturally gonna lend itself to some good comedy.

In regards to the art, I love the warm colors utilized here, it’s very cozy. The art throws me off just a smidge though. Absolutely no disrespect to Scott Roberts of course, writer and penciler behind this comic (and also creator of Patty Cake, a recurring comic for Nickelodeon Magazine that we… haven’t actually encountered yet on this blog unfortunately), he’s got some great work under his belt, and Timmy and his fairies look as to be expected here. But I do think it was a weird choice making Jimmy look like a Rugrat though. That’s not just me, right? The second page in particular has him pulling off some serious Rugrats-faces. Maybe Roberts was just doing what he knows, because he actually did tons of work on a Rugrats newspaper comic strip just a couple years before this.

Aside from that, Jimmy’s lab is a bit weird. It’s not the usual cave, instead being a regular room with windows and a checkerboard floor? And the exterior shows it to be a wooden cabin? Maybe it’s supposed to be the shack that’s built above the lab Jimmy uses as a secret entrance. Doesn’t really matter, I certainly didn’t notice as a kid, but it does make me wonder if the artist wasn’t provided that much reference material.

I love that snail comic so much like you wouldn’t believe.

Throughout the years I always managed to miss out on LEGO’s constant edgier reinventions of itself, y’know like Bionicle or that one about the ninjas. I guess it helps that I was never really into the toy itself. Unlike those previous examples though, Exo-Force here isn’t ringing any bells for me, but I do find it noteworthy how they were trying to go for a more anime/gundam vibe with this one, what with the Japanese affixed to the bottom of the logo and the faux-anime designs of all the main characters. Surprised to see this one didn’t even warrant its own cartoon, instead having its epic storyline played out through a series of commercials. And while I may like an overarching commercial narrative as much as the next guy (anyone remember those Goldfish Cracker commercials that did the same thing?), I bet you any fans of this line were sore it never got the whole TV show package like Bionicle did.

Oh right, Valentine’s Day is in February, isn’t that right? How many more years do you think that holiday has, you reckon? Nobody likes it. It’s just a reason to buy more greeting cards and do nice things for people that you probably should just be doing anyway and not need a holiday to tell you to do. Eh, still though I guess if you were in a small class at school this would be a pretty useful sheet of cards.

Skyland, huh? Can’t say it rings a bell, but it certainly looks cool. How did this slip by me? I even had this issue as a kid and watched Nicktoons, so I must have just completely tuned it out. I wonder why?

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Oh, that’s interesting, it seems like it's all done with motion captured 3D animation. That’s fine, I guess, but that illustration in the magazine had me thinking it’d look a bit more like The Last Airbender. I’m impressed that they spared no expense on the story at least. This intro here can barely keep down its exposition to forty seconds!

So, does anyone remember this one? Apparently it was a French production that was licensed to different channels across the world, airing on Teletoon in Canada and CITV in the UK. I’d love to know if it was any good!

Pretty good smorgasbord of facts in this month’s calendar. And I guess a blanket theme is good as any other theme. Ooh, National Pancake Day! What a great month.

The Jimmy-Timmy quiz is fun, but I wish we could’ve gotten an interview with someone a part of the production of the episode or something. Obviously they’re not going to just interview some random part of the staff (although I’d find that interesting personally), but a voice actor would’ve been cool. I like how Jimmy’s answer considers Sheen a responsibility. Maybe all of Jimmy’s town-threatening inventions were just to distract Sheen from causing any real damage. We all know what kind of terror he’s capable of.

Wow, Bill Clinton! BC himself! Pretty impressive guest for an issue of Nickelodeon Magazine, I must say. ‘Course they got him talking about eating vegetables and exercising instead of something cool, though. It is good to know that being on the receiving end of the most widely-reported-on gobbling in the United States wasn’t enough to get you disqualified from having a spot in Nick Mag.

Another neato guest in theory, Tommy Tallarico is a pretty big name in the video game music space. He’s known for having a hand in loads of different soundtracks over the years and also allegedly being a pathological liar and taking credits for lots of other peoples’ work, which isn’t as nice as the former thing I listed. If you’re interested you can check out more info on the topic in this video here by hbomberguy, which basically runs through a lot of the lies Tallarico has told throughout the years, made as a response to him using legal pressure to get a sound effect he claims to have made removed from the online game Roblox. Oof.

But yeah, to give him some credit, this interview is better than ‘ole Clint’s was. At least Tallarico’s talking about the thing he gets paid for instead of vegetables and dieting. And that “What’s on Mario’s iPod” section is pretty good, but considering Tallirco’s track record it makes me question the legitimacy of his answers… I always thought Crash Bandicoot was more of a Dead Or Alive fan.

Oh god, not QZ again. I did not miss seeing this freak, I’ll tell you that. Why was anyone encouraging this guy with any more questions? He was getting kids names and addresses and we all sat idly by! I like how he sidesteps half the questions too, only giving a direct answer when it concerns protecting a kid from bullies. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all…

…Nah. Screw him.

If you remember these guys, you qualify for an Apple Jack’s discount!

I’m willing to admit as a kid I was more than willing to buy into whatever brands wound up on my TV as long as they had a funky mascot and even funkier commercials (and having a website that sported a suite of Flash games and cartoons certainly helped), but the hijinx of this Rastafarian cinnamon stick and goblin-looking apple particularly stick out to me as some rather memorable marketing. I’d say chalk it up to the distinct claymation style the commercials sported (which I’m pretty sure got replaced with 3D animation at some point, which kinda stinks). I found it funny how the character known as “Bad Apple” here eventually got redeemed and just became a friendly competitor that races Cinnamon to the bowl as opposed to the villain he’s presented as here. Did the marketing team really not see from the get-go that people might have a problem with a commercial depicting cinnamon and sugar as the good guy and apples as, well, “bad”?

Still, as much as I loved the commercials, I never actually had a single bowl of Apple Jacks as a kid. Shocking, I know, but my friends told me they sucked and I remember reading one particularly nasty long-winded online review that basically said the cereal is garbage, so I stayed away. I eventually did have a bowl or two of the stuff many years later, and… they’re alright. I will agree with this comic on one thing, Apple Jacks definitely do not “taste like apples”. In fact, they don’t really taste like anything.

And that’ll do it for this edition of Nick Mag HIghlights! Thanks for sticking around, and I hope you had a fun time going through this issue with me. It had tons of fun stuff (that article on the strange and interesting instruments and that Jimmy-Timmy Power Hour comic were my personal highlights) and hopefully some of you can get more entertainment out of all those musical interviews than I did. We even got a Billy C cameo! It doesn’t get more engaging than an old president, does it?

As well, I’d like to reiterate my apology for the time it took to bring this to you all, and I’m hopeful I can pick the pace back up and rebuild my motivation now that I’ve gotten this finished. I’m looking forward to finalizing my aforementioned new Nick Mag Side Issues post, I think that’ll be pretty interesting and add a little spice of variety to the page. Guess we’ll see!

Keep on reading, and maybe listen to your favorite song while you’re at it. I’ll catch you next time!

#nmh post #2000s #2006 #nickelodeon #magazine #jimmy neutron #the fairly oddparents

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valtharr · 9 months ago

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I posted this to the alternate history subreddit and got zero responses, maybe Tumblr is more interested in discussing this idea?

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You ever create an alternate timeline just to indulge in your own nostalgia?

...just me? Okay...

Anyway, for a while now, I've been thinking about an alternate present where present-day sensibilities and everyday life are closer to what they were like pre-2010. Since the biggest influence on modern day life during that time arguably came from the rise of the Internet, social media, and related things, pretty much all of my thoughts center around that.

The point of divergence here is that the Millennium Bug (aka "Y2K") was just as devastating as people feared it would be. Databanks were wiped, machinery failed, there was loads of general unrest as people were falsely classified as deceased, didn't get their paychecks, and other major and minor consequences of their data being either wrong, or gone completely. In some cases, it took years to clean up the mess completely.

This, coupled with the bursting of the dotcom bubble not much later, led to a general wariness and distrust towards anything having to do with the Internet. Businesses might have still been okay with using their homepage as interactive billboards, but it turned out to be almost impossible to find investors or loans if your business directly relied on the Internet. And even those who did get their idea off the ground, failed to find a large enough audience. As such, social media like Facebook and Twitter are barely, if at all, a thing in this world. This is also partly due to smartphones, and therefore smartphone apps, never breaking into the mainstream. Apple could not establish its new iPhone as the lifestyle gimmick of choice, instead going all-in on their iPods, music players that you insert USB drives, and, in modern variants, SD cards into to listen to your favorite tunes. The newest model has three card slots, letting you choose between three different albums on the go!

Streaming, of course, also isn't a thing. No Netflix or iTunes to inspire copycats. Blockbuster partners with Microsoft for their new HD-DVD technology, establishing it as the primary medium to watch videos at home. Sony, meanwhile, focuses its efforts into combining a handheld gaming console and a portable video player. The PSP becomes a huge hit.

But, speaking of video games, online games are an almost negligible market. There's less of a focus on high-end Internet speeds, so playing with friends is an activity mostly relegated to your own home. Microtransactions and subscription services are not a thing.

Some popular websites do establish themselves, but they're far from being as influential and popular as in our world. Youtube stays afloat, but is mostly seen as a place to find new creators, and then follow them onto their own web presence. Very few people manage to make a living off of it, and corporations, TV stations, etc won't be found dead making their own YouTube channels.

Without social media, interactions online are still relegated to message boards and chat rooms, with the accompanying implicit netiquette. Which of course means, everything's still pretty anonymous. Without Facebook introducing the idea of using your real name and photo as part of your online presence (nobody joins a Pokémon fan forum expecting their old classmates to find them there, after all), pseudonyms and avatars rule the day. This, of course, makes it almost impossible for artists to really find an audience, much less make a living off their art. Even if they did find lots of people who enjoy their work, the lack of services like PayPal, Patreon, or Kickstarter, makes it nigh impossible to actually make a profit as an independent online artist. Some find a way, but the concepts of "influencers" and "content creators" never develop.

Amazon fails to establish itself as a major online marketplace. It makes enough for Jeff Bezos to start a chain of brick and mortar bookstores, with the online storefront being more of an afterthought. Most, if not all online shopping is really just individuals selling their old stuff, usually locally.

That's all I really have so far. I'd love to hear some more ideas, maybe things that aren't as tech-centric? Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

#alternate history #alternative history #modempunk #y2kcore #worldbuilding #world building

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cnschedulearchive · 1 year ago

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September 2021. Maybe the biggest month I've ever had to report the schedules for ever.

CN started off interestingly by airing Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (before you ask, Turner has the cable rights to Star Wars movies thanks to a 2016 deal and we don't know when it expires) from 6p to... 9p! Yes, they ate into Adult Swim time. This wound up being a permanent move, cemented by what launched two weeks later. But before that, CN chose to air all the Star Wars movies, and by all of them I mean the originals, prequels, and Rogue One. To fans, those may as well be the only ones anyway.

Then came the big week: Cartoonito finally launched, and it was 8 hours long on weekdays, 2 hours long on weekends. Look at it now: 1.5 hours on weekdays, 0 hours on weekends. To say they came out boldly and brashly is an understatement. I really wonder if they should have considered coming out a little smaller than this. They had no originals of their own yet, the "flagships" like Batwheels and Bugs Bunny Builders would take another year to come out. Note that almost all of the shows on this lineup have since been purged, save for Thomas and Baby Looney Tunes.

Also launched that week was ACME Night, Cartoon Network's excuse for taking the 8p hour away from Adult Swim on Sunday nights. This block's core component is airing big blockbuster movies, either TV-PG or TV-14, with basically the same level of minimal censorship as you'd get on TBS or TNT. It's real interesting what they choose to air here sometimes. Also interesting at launch was their filler choice. Rogue One actually had some filler in the form of TBS' The Cube, something you'll see get slotted in again week 3. Week 1 however, had Family Matters! There was a Steve Urkel Christmas movie in the works for this block... was. There was a few original things planned for this block... was.

Cartoon Network itself, shrunk down to just 6 hours on weekdays, continued to coast along. They started airing Jellystone. Plus they got 8p back at the end of the month, as was tradition.

Adult Swim also had a equally big month: Family Guy left the network after 18 years. Left with the iconic Stewie mpreg episode and a nice little farewell bump. The ramifications of Adult Swim's biggest safest schedule bet leaving wouldn't start creeping in until a month later, but for now we sure got an interesting shakeup in the lineup due to it going.

For the one week between Family Guy leaving and Adult Swim still having 8p, they aired Joe Pera in the hour, which you can never complain about that. More originals got more timeslots (also, should be noted, Tender Touches is rerunning in full for the first time ever), while Teenage Euthanasia made its premiere. Pete Smith Day was celebrated in a condensed 2 hour format for the first time, with just Brak and the bumps, I assume Bob's is too valuable now to be sacrificed for the rest of the week's schedule in favor of a marathon.

#cartoon network #cartoon network schedule #adult swim #adult swim schedule #schedule

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gazzhowie · 1 year ago

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My Top 25 Movies of 2023.

Sitting in cinema screens in 2023 has continued to re-enforce that it is a weird time for the industry, with huge three hundred million dollar (!) blockbusters attracting only ten or twenty people per screen on opening weekend and highly acclaimed independent movies being given no home except for a dumped VOD release. This year felt ‘tough’ being a fan of both great films and the big screen experience.

Anyway, scaremongering over... it is time for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of this year, 2023.

[Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive.]

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc. Which was a tough rule to stick to this year because I thoroughly enjoyed the lean and effective b-movie action horror antics of Last Voyage of the Detmer, which could’ve earned a slot on my list had its UK release not been pulled 2 weeks prior to its date due to its European distributor going bankrupt.

Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make fit yet believe they deserve a shout-out regardless and then I get stuck into what I think are the 25 best films of the year. Anyway, without further ado, here are the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

Action movies that I have enjoyed this year include The Covenant which holds the distinction of being an actually enjoyable and tolerable Guy Ritchie movie, John Wick: Chapter 4 who’s bludgeoning and unnecessary excess gives way to a final hour that is part ode to Walter Hill’s The Warriors and part ‘modern action classic’ effort, Guardians of the Galaxy 3 which was uneven but still the best Marvel effort in quite some time (though that is a low compliment), the first part of the French two-parter Three Musketeers: D'Artagnan which brings John Wick-ian action to the oft-told tale, the Gerard Butler ‘Prime Exclusive’ double-bill that was Kandahar and Plane, Denzel Washington’s (“final”) entry in his Equalizer series and Thomas Jane’s cheapo Brannigan / Coogan’s Bluff b-movie tribute, One Ranger.

Not many comedies impressed me this year but going off the ones that made me laugh and surprised me some what were the kind of delightful Woody Harrelson sporting underdog remake Champions, the vastly better than we all thought it was going to be / surprise sleeper success of the year No Hard Feelings and the ‘animals saying uncouth things’ silliness that was Strays.

I liked a lot of horrors this year; the legitimately great (no seriously!) Influencer, the gimmick-heavy but incredibly effective No One Will Save You, the immensely fun Kids Vs Aliens, the Covid-19 slasher that you didn’t realise you secretly sort of wanted that was Sick, the semi-disappointing yet still enjoyable recalibration that was Evil Dead Rise, the Godzilla-homaging creature feature The Lake and the frankly insane / insanely nasty Project Wolf Hunting.

Not a huge amount of animation blew me away this year but Leo was a stand-out for not just being shockingly good but for the sheer amount of repeated viewings it has gone through in my house with my boys without it losing too much. I have to also give props to Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse which was gorgeous to look at and immensely entertaining but excessive and unwieldly to its own detriment.

It was a good year for documentaries with both Milli Vanilli and The Pigeon Tunnel impressing me immensely. The former being surprising in its depth and emotion. But within the documentary form it was a banner year for the ‘biography’ approach with genuinely excellent and thorough studies of fascinating people. I loved Mr Dress Up, Still: A Michael J. Fox Movie, Judy Blume Forever, Hatton and Albert Brooks: Defending My Life.

Dramas I’ve liked a lot in 2023 have been Till which moved me immensely, the justifiably acclaimed May December, The Burial which was far more captivating than it had any cause to be, the Netflix survivalist preposterousness that was Nowhere, Ben Affleck’s fabulously entertaining Air which was another entry in the ‘business origins’ subgenre that continues to somehow flourish, Michael B. Jordan’s overdirected but strong Creed 3, the ode to old-fashioned 1990s studio potboiler thrillers that was To Catch a Killer, the Sky Original Dead Shot and the smart phone / techno warning Unlocked.

And in a little section all of its own marked ‘better than they had any right to be’ I’ve got to give a shout-out to Elizabeth Banks’ incompetently directed but decidedly fun Cocaine Bear, the Jackie Chan / John Cena greenscreen-heavy team-up Hidden Strike, the wonky but fun Scream 6, the exhaustive Extraction 2, the low-bar hurdling Blue Beetle and the absolutely insane (and mildly better than the last two excretable efforts) Fast X.

And now… my Top 25 favourite movies of 2023… but for those who know me to be an enormous John Woo aficionado I will make clear from the outset that at the time of compiling this I still have not seen Silent Night. Sorry.

25. The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial

We must mention William Friedkin’s last film before his death - a reminder that the man was a master filmmaker across the board but specifically a master at letting the material and the performance(s) lead. Never has that felt more reinforced than with his interpretation of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial where, like what he did with his excellent made-for-tv redo of 12 Angry Men, he lets the power of one single setting, a very good cast and exceptional material (in this case a soft update of Herman Wouk's 1953 play of the same name) lead and he gets out of the way and stays there. A more fragile or less confident director at the age Friedkin was, at that point in his career / so close to the end, would've likely been tempted to go big or get flashy to show they've still "got it". There was nothing fragile or unconfident about Friedkin right up to the end. This is an impressively engrossing watch with a great kick at the end that Jason Clarke absolutely sells the shit out of.

24. Talk to Me

I genuinely thought the 'hype' machine was going to have seriously done a number on this, a la BARBIE, but thankfully that turned out not to be the case.

Directors Danny and Michael Philippou have taken a weathered and well-worn concept - that grief and trauma can be open gateways for otherworldly malevolence to exploit - and they've injected it with a fresh voice / energy, whilst respecting 'old standards' like practical effects work.

The concept is decidedly hokey and the lead character isn't particularly likable to say the least (though Sophie Wilde is excellent playing her), but the Philippou Brothers are so thoroughly committed here and the practical effects work is so impressive that it's infectious.

You're almost pulled 'in' despite yourself because the scares are so well-executed and the feeling of dread is so effectively threaded. You know you're being 'played' and you try to fight against it, but it's a mark of its quality that it gets you anyway.

23. Beau Is Afraid

If Taika Waititi parlayed the goodwill and acclaim from a series of beloved low-budget Kiwi comedies into a mainstream career making multimillion dollar Marvel movies and becoming one of the most sought after studio hires of the last decade, then Ari Aster has used the instantly accepted and highly regarded successes of HEREDITARY and MIDSOMMER to... *checks notes* ... work through some complicated shit involving his relationship with his mother (and his father - who may or may not be an actual 'penis monster') and have arthouse kingmakers A24 pay $35 million for it.

This made less than a third of its $35 million budget back (because, come on now, how on earth do you effectively market this thing?) so it's tiring but true that the label "cult classic" has •already• been applied to it.

Look, I'm offering zero defence to accusations against the film that it is overlong, incredibly self-indulgent, ill-disciplined, carrying nowhere near the depth it claims to, tiresome and exhausting. It IS all those things. By the final stretch it is floundering haaard and there's a serious feeling of being trolled starting to set in.

But, first of all, it shouldn't be discounted how excellent and effective Joaquin Phoenix is here and Aster's wildly uneven material is greatly assisted by his casting. Secondly, it has to be acknowledged that there's moments - long stretches, in fact - where there's absolute brilliance at play here.

There's masterfully crafted moments of genuine hilarity (dark hilarity, for sure) alongside flashes of abject discomforting horror. I'd go so far as to say some of the most interesting, inventive, unique and intriguing moments in cinema this year are tucked away inside this behemoth of a clusterfuck.

People pushed hard for the extended cut of MIDSOMMER to be released. I'm pushing for the reduced cut of this.

22. There’s Something in the Barn

I thoroughly enjoyed and had a great time with this. It's not at all embarrassed to lean into its influences, evoking affectionate RARE EXPORTS / GREMLINS vibes without coming across like its heavily plagiarising from them.

It’s got a terrific dry wit to it thanks to writer Aleksander Kirkwood Brown's script and which the cast, especially Martin Starr (essentially doing his SPIDER-MAN shtick here) and a very winsome Amrita Acharia, sell well. And director Magnus Martens doesn't skimp on the dark stuff and sense of foreboding either.

There's no snobbishness to put up against this thing - it's a horror comedy that made me laugh multiple times and jump occasionally. That's a very solid success to me and I highly recommend it if the likes of RARE EXPORTS, KRAMPUS, CHRISTMAS BLOODY CHRISTMAS and SINT are favourites of yours.

21. Pearl

I'm a big fan of Ti West and I really enjoyed X, which was one of my Top 25 of 2022 and which in my review I defended by saying:

"... It's very easy to dismiss what West is doing here as just an exacting homage to THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE but it's more than that. Obviously there's overt nods to it but you could also suggest West is doffing his cap affectionately to Paul Thomas Anderson's BOOGIE NIGHTS, Alfred Hitchcock's PSYCHO and, yes, both Lewis Teague's ALLIGATOR and Tobe Hooper's EATEN ALIVE as well..."

This is an interesting companion piece to that movie (with a third entry, MAXXXINE, imminent) made more fascinating due to how it came into existence:

Whilst in their Covid 'bubble' prior to production beginning out in New Zealand for X, director Ti West and star Mia Goth became so enamoured with the backstory they were creating for the character of Pearl that they wrote an entire prequel, pitched it to A24 and built filming into the back end of the original production. A high value 'two-ffer' if ever there was one.

The end result is something less blatantly and broadly enjoyable than the first (second) story but it's definitely the more curious and interesting one; if X really was Ti West's TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE / BOOGIE NIGHTS / PSYCHO / EATEN ALIVE bastardisation, this is his Douglas Sirk melodrama injected with Technicolor and falsely set loose as a 'follow your dreams' fable gone really, really wrong.

It obviously lives and dies by the lead performance and, by crikey, Mia Goth is so good here. That much-memed final credits thing is lauded but it's that late stage monologue that drops your jaw a little. If horror wasn't so easily dismissed her performance would've won awards.

For years we've always considered horror prequels to be the nadir of the genre. After all, who cares if Leatherface only became Leatherface because he was made redundant? Or Jason Vorhees killing nubile teens because he got his pot farm trampled on? Or... or... how no one taking Michael Myers trick or treating turned him into a psychopath? Here though, PEARL indicates that doesn't always have to be the case.

20. Reality

For those worrying as to whether Sydney Sweeney's tsunami of scantily-clad content across advertising and social media platforms has left her precariously overexposed (in more ways than one), along comes this fascinating and considered film to remind you that behind the bikinis, the false nails and the airbrushing is an extremely talented actress capable of incredibly powerful work.

Devoid of make-up, carrying the film nearly 70% of the time in close-up shots she can't fake her way free from and regimentally parroting the actual recorded FBI transcripts down to every sigh, stumble and gulp Sweeney is frankly astonishing in how she carries this thing.

Director Tina Satter keeps things tight in terms of both location, framing and running time (it plays as an almost real-time exercise) and as a result the film becomes a riveting, claustrophobic and maddening display (how did Reality Winner's actual charges and ridiculous sentence stand when all of this occurred without correct due process and legal entitlements being followed from the outset?) from a first-time film director showing exceptional command of her cast and her visual space.

19. Fair Play

Chloe Domont's corporate morality play / torchlight on gender politics by way of a recalibration of the 1990s style erotic thriller is all the more astounding because of how assured and masterfully controlled it is for someone's feature directorial debut.

Driven by two excellent performances from Phoebe Dynevor (who I'd not seen before in anything and was astonished by her) and Alden Ehrenreich (who I think is terrific and deserves treated way better by the industry), and supported by atypically great turns from Eddie Marsan and Rich Sommer, this thing has no right to be as engulfing and nail-biting as it is for what it is.

Domont refuses to make compromises or concessions in the way she presents latent sexism, money, toxic alpha cultures, wounded pride and corporate backstabbing infecting her characters. It's a brutal, relentless ride she takes us on.

One where the brash bloodied cunnilingus opener keeps returning to your conscience like it was heavy foreboding for what feels inevitable - these two can't keep tearing away at each other like this, surely? Not without someone dying at the other's hands.

You keep trying to shake that feeling off, telling yourself that it's not ~that~ kind of film. But as this thing starts to barrel towards its third act it is testament to Domont, and how Dynevor / Ehrenreich are executing her material, that you come to realise all bets are off.

18. Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One

There's action movie franchises and then there's •this• action movie franchise; hitting its stride at the fourth entry, delivering back-to-back masterpieces with its fifth and sixth and now this - a seventh entry so frickin good it rides out evident flaws (and Mark Gatiss' horrendous "accent") that would absolutely fatally decimate other films!

Because it feels sacrilegious to even say this but the latest entry manages to straddle both being very good, decidedly high end, etc etc and... *whispers it* ... kinda 'samey' to what we've had since Christopher McQuarrie became 'grand master':

Still no one trusts the inherent righteous genius of Ethan Hunt, forcing him to go against one and all. Blah blah. There's excessive shots of Tom Cruise running. Yes, yes. There's elaborate stunts seamed together by a 'not as clever as it thinks' plot. Of course. And too many characters. Far too many. Confoundingly, it feels somehow a little stale and yet brilliant.

The film's 'grand' action sequence this time round has been so overexposed, so heavily spoilt (a making of dissection for it ran before the film itself at my screening for Christ's sake) that you naturally assume it'd deflate a little by the time you see it 'in context'. That's not so. Mainly because it is actually just the entrée to the main course which is the train finale.

The climax is an utter masterwork of technical execution, mixing real stuntwork with very well done greenscreen and (yes, shocking as it is to say for a Tom Cruise movie) CGI facial replacement alongside terrifically accomplished narrative construction.

If like me you continue to be aggrieved by the presence of Simon Pegg's Benji and how he's ostensibly exactly the same character as Luther with exactly the same skillset, routinely forcibly sidelining a vastly superior Ving Rhames, then that's more evident here than ever before. So much so that they literally 'Poochie' Luther out of the film in the third act. Which is obviously racist bullshit. Also, I know I stand alone in my apathy towards Rebecca Ferguson (I really don't get the adoration for her / her character at all) and my hatred for Vanessa Kirby and all the stupid gurning that comes with her, but both are drowned out by a crackin' turn by Pom Klementieff and a performance from Hayley Atwell that you really need to believe the hype on; she lights up the screen and is a tremendous comedy player amongst all the weighty waffle.

And that's the film's biggest flaw that ROGUE NATION and FALLOUT both managed to masterfully swerve - the minute the action stops the film starts to sink under the weight of really heavy exposition. Mounds and mounds of the stuff, in fact. I know McQuarrie and Cruise have been open about how they conceive a script around action set-pieces but this is the first time where the stitchwork is so headache-inducing having to listen to it that you start to see a wobble in the method for the first time... even more so now McQ and Cruise have started injecting all this whiffery about "the choice" and portentous context about how IMF agents work, are recruited, etc. Like, what are you doing trying to 'John LeCarre' my fucking MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movies, goddamnit?

Still, it's the most minor of hardships considering you're never more than 10 minutes off from getting out the other side of all that exposition and getting to another sublime action sequence or a close up of Atwell's wonderous smile.

17. Sisu

"Sisu is a Finnish concept described as stoic determination, tenacity of purpose, grit, bravery, resilience, and hardiness, and is held by Finns themselves to express their national character. It is generally considered not to have a literal equivalent in English (tenacity, grit, resilience and hardiness are much the same things, but do not necessarily imply stoicism or bravery)."- Wikipedia

The RAMBO sequels should look to this, kneel before it and weep just for being in its presence.

And we better start doing the same with Jalmari Helander, who in just three movies has done Finnish 'interpretations' of John Carpenter horrors, 80s Amblin movies and now 'lone warrior' action films to magnificent effect.

This is a gloriously ridiculous live action cartoon of violent excess and bonkers propulsion; land, water and air set-pieces of utter insanity stitched together with inventive, nasty gore.

It is outlandish in its speed, its fat-free story construction and its refusal to ever stop or give way to wimpy, silly things like character development.

16. Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

I totally get Hollywood's whoreish mentality for seeing something succeed and then bastardising it to the point that what we once loved is something we become bored by - it's why we suffered through a noughties onslaught of what felt like nothing but zombie movies because 28 DAYS LATER landed well or why everyone's trying to do "shared universes" now because of Marvel.

Or why after the massive success and instant affection for INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE every animated movie of late has been plagiarising the hell out of it.

You saw the trailer for this - a heavily belated sequel to a spin-off from a SHREK sequel - pulling that very shit and it just felt a bit like your old dad after your mum's left him, spraying on the 'hair filler' and squeezing into skinny jeans to "get back out there" and prove he's "still got it"...

... and then it just casually reveals itself to be a film of massively inventive design (both visually and narratively), that's surprisingly deep and very funny - and as a result superior to both its predecessor and the entire franchise from which it was born.

You don't •think• you NEED time spent in the company of Olivia Colman and Ray Winstone as Mama Bear and Papa Bear or Florence Pugh as Goldilocks and John Mulaney as Jack Horner... or best of all ELITE SQUAD's Wagner Moura as Death... but you absolutely do! Don't make the mistake of thinking you're 'above' this sort of thing, cos I can guarantee you you're not.

It's a delight!

15. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

It feels like I've got to be apologetic in my opinion of this if 'Film Twitter' / the critical majority is to be believed, in which case I'm sorry but I enjoyed this. I just don't think you should ever underestimate the positive impact factor(s) that can be drawn from this particular actor turning up on screen as this particular character, scored to John Williams' music. And I'm saying this as someone who's seen KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL.

I can see why people would have issue with this latest / last outing; it's overlong to the point of bagginess (there's a staleness that starts to set in from the repetition of Jones and Co landing at a location, having the baddies immediately show up, outwit them and make off with the macguffin only for Jones to steal it back) and the character of Helena Shaw is a fairly odious and unlikeable one who exists to cause more shit for Indiana Jones than is tolerable (and I was no fan for the most part of how Phoebe Waller-Bridge played her).

And then there's the 'look' of it too. Did it HAVE to have such a shitty, plastic sheen to it? It cannot be overstated that one of the most tremendous qualities of those first three INDIANA JONES movies was in how Spielberg went out to REAL locations and had Vic Armstrong and Harrison Ford REALLY ride REAL horses and jumped on top of REAL tanks or fall under REAL trucks. Here, it's pixels and screens. Again. With nothing learnt from the issues KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL generated.

James Mangold has done a commendable job of 'apeing' Steven Spielberg and there's a lot - and I mean a lot - of great action here. But the vast majority of it has the shine taken off by continually cutting into terrifically adrenalinised action sequences to insert very obvious greenscreened shots of Ford and Waller-Bridge bickering and shouting like they were really honestly / definitely / maybe there involved with the sequence when it was getting filmed.

It's infuriating because this thing is stacked to the gills with thoroughly enjoyable, legitimately well-designed action sequences - the escape from the castle in the French Alps, the Apollo 11 parade and New York City Subway chase, the Tangier sequence, the Aegean Sea set-piece, the Ear of Dionysius cavern stuff and the airfield chase - but in every single one there's moments of really quite shoddy CGI that draws you right out of the moment to remind you 80% of this was done on computers. There's not ever a moment to make you gasp in awe at how the stunt-man survived like in the original trilogy. But there's a LOT of moments that has you thinking "This thing cost $350 million?"

But all that said, Mangold making a 'fan' version of a Steven Spielberg INDIANA JONES movie is better than Steven Spielberg phoning in one. And I'm not going to lie, this thing had me from the minute the font come up in the opening titles and we got a straight-up legitimate 1940s set INDIANA JONES mini-movie (which seemed to sit as an eery bedfellow to MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE 7, weirdly enough) with the best... though still not flawless... de-ageing techniques I've seen.

14. The Fabelmans

It's more than a little disingenuous for all involved, specifically Steven Spielberg himself, to describe this as "semi-autobiographical" and "loosely based" on his adolescence and first years as a filmmaker when anyone who's read any number of books on the man or watched director Susan Lacy's 2017 biographical documentary can see the beats are all there, wholesale. If THIS is "loosely" then the biopic version would be the greatest invasion of privacy ever committed. This ~isn't~ a "fable", man!

I can also see with it why some have braced against it and the instant critical adoration that was applied to it, because the longer it sticks around the more muddled it becomes about what its point of view is and whether it has anything left to say. By the end it slides to a stop after 2½ hours with an admittedly wonderful (and wonderfully bizarro) comedic bon mot having scattered barely etched vignettes / sketches in its final stretch. And tonally, there's questions as to really what was trying to be said with that late 'Ditch Day' subplot and whether co-writer Tony Kushner was working through his OWN stuff within Spielberg's memory bank.

That being said, I loved it in all honesty. For the first two thirds of its running time, I thought it was •really• something special - and anyone pushing out the notion that this is Spielberg on autopilot ain't watching this properly. That cold pan cutting his [screen] father from the frame in a moment of parental happiness but leaving in his [screen] mother and her lover? That's some brutal, subtle craftsmanship there. And layered on top of choices like that is more precision cinematography from Janusz Kamiński and scoring (for the final time?) by John Williams.

The performances across the board from Gabriel LaBelle (as 'Sammy' / Spielberg), Michelle Williams, Paul Dano, [CENSORED] and Seth Rogen are extremely good. Though as atypically great as Williams is here, I'm not certain this ends up being the 'ode' to Spielberg's mum, Leah Adler, that some think it to be.

I totally understand the perspective of those that see this cynically as a 'pre-designed awards hoover' - you can't help but come away from Judd Hirsch's cameo feeling like the entire thing was written as a Best Supporting Actor Oscar clip reel - but for me it just hit me right in the chest... exactly as it will for anyone who spent some of their best summers with their dearest friends, being creative, making films, watching films, dreaming of a future that involved cinema, fending off unsupportive family and trying to hold close those that did try to help your talent flourish.

13. Babylon

As much as Film Twitter has taken against BABYLON's final moment, it must be said that for a "love letter" to cinema and the movie industry overall, Chazelle can 'sign it off' how he likes (and "SINGIN' IN THE RAIN to AVATAR" is certainly •a• take!) with no obligation to be subtle. However, considering there's NOTHING subtle about this film whatsoever preceding it, why you'd think it's conclusion would be any different is silly.

I'm a Damien Chazelle fan. I liked WHIPLASH and LA LA LAND enormously and I genuinely consider FIRST MAN one of the finest films of the last decade. No matter its flaws (of which there are several), I drew a great deal of enjoyment from this, his latest effort. Repeat viewings have put it as one of my favourite films of 2023.

It's a very, very messy film. Chazelle seems to believe the debauchery and excess of the era his narrative lands within - Hollywood's transition from silent to sound films in the late 1920s - gives him unrestrained reign with an overindulgent running time and a cavalcade of graphic content. Added to all the blood, vomit, excrement, etc etc the opening Kinoscope Studios Exec's bacchanalian mansion party is the "opening sequence of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN" of debauched, drug-fuelled, orgy sequences in cinema.

There's no real consistent throughline to any of this which makes it all the more difficult to embrace across 190 minutes and because it plays like a plethora of sketches it has massive peaks and troughs Chazelle doesn't always seem to have total control of - the vignette involving Margot Robbie's Nellie LaRoy first experience of recording a 'sound' take starts solid, gets funny, outstays its welcome and then beats you into submission.

There's a lot of excellence here though. Whether that's in Brad Pitt's surprisingly layered, moving and deft turn or through the sojourns onto the desert location shoots of multiple oscillating productions, topped off with the very 'on' appearance of Spike Jonze's 'Not Otto Preminger' Otto Von Strassberger.

I'm thinking that opening on elephant defecation and sordid acts of urolagnia is something that in retrospect director Damien Chazelle may well be regretting now critics have been "pissy" about his latest film and it's now considered the big box office "turd" of the year.

12. The Killer

I've seen a few people talk about this as if it's "beneath" David Fincher, inarguably one of our greatest working filmmakers today. Like a tight hitman-out-for-revenge yarn based on Alexis Nolent and Luc Jacamon's comic book series is not "worthy" of him or something. Clearly these people are forgetting this is the same guy who spent 6 years in development hell on a WORLD WAR Z sequel, gave us the glorious (if flawed) bit of pulp that was THE GAME, the immensely effective b-movie in an a-picture gown in PANIC ROOM and remade an adaptation of a popular airport potboiler with THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO in amongst whatever is regarded as his "prestige" flicks.

It's absolutely a David Fincher movie; that's apparent in the droll humour, the Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross soundtrack and the clever visual flourishes - like the entire Amazon 'bit' in the final stretch.

It's a caper. A yarn, if you will. A bit of pulp, just with high end flourishes - such as Fincher's meticulous choices, Erik Messerschmidt's cinematography and the casting itself (Fassbender, Arliss Howard, Charles Parnell and Tilda Swinton).

There's this brilliant layering here between the clinical, detailed voiceover Michael Fassbender provides (that leads us to believe this is an assassin at the peak of his 'game') and the actions we physically see from him on screen (missed shots, beat downs suffered, etc) that indicate there's a little bit more than what's on the surface.

I had an absolute blast with this - a tight / immensely refreshing sub two hour, jet black comedic (the aliases!!) thriller that sits as Fincher's hat tip to Jean-Pierre Melville's classic, LE SAMOURAÏ.

... Though I do want to deduct a star off my final rating for the bit where Tilda Swinton co-opted my favourite 'go to' pub joke that I've relied on for 20 years. Now whenever I tell it people are going to say I've just ripped it off this, goddamnit!

11. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret.

What an absolute gem of a film!

You knew you were in steady hands because Judy Blume's 1970 source novel is just that good, Kelly Fremon Craig's EDGE OF SEVENTEEN is an instant classic and there's a dependable excellence that comes with casting the likes of Rachel McAdams and Kathy Bates.

But there was always the risk that this COULD'VE got fucked up. Some idiot at the studio might have tried to modernise it. Or believe that it needed more 'incident'. Or cast someone too precocious in the lead role. But James L. Brooks clearly bodyguarded this thing correctly.

The final result is a sweet, funny and very lovely little film with an absolute sweetheart of a turn from Abby Ryder Fortson as the title character.

I genuinely loved spending time watching this.

10. 20 Days in Mariupol

There's a moment in this - Mstyslav Chernov's truly harrowing frontline documentary of the twenty days he and his colleagues spent besieged in Mariupol after Russia began its invasion of Ukraine - involving an emergency cesarean and an unresponsive newborn that is more upsetting, more thrilling and more uplifting than the combination of every horror and every feelgood drama released in the last five years.

This is the most important and vital film you'll see this year and then never ever want to see again.

More so because as humans in this modern age we rather callously only seem to have the heart / stomach / attention-span for one 'war' at a time, and we appear to have abandoned the Ukrainian conflict to refocus our outrage on what's going on in Gaza instead.

For large parts of it we feel like Mstyslav Chernov's been given exclusive access to the pits of hell and he's taking us on a tour. This is intense and riveting, shockingly so considering the unrepentant footage of dead or dying children.

9. The Night of the 12th

I've worked in the field of investigation for over 20 years and I can tell you this much - this movie fuckin gets 'it', man.

In opening with the title card that it does it offsets any eventual disappointment you may feel when the ending arrives. You don't feel short-changed because you've been brought in from the start to share the frustration with the characters.

There's nothing easy here. Nothing pat. Just real investigatory pathways followed with dead ends jumping out in front when everything in your gut says this lead, that lead or the next was going to be 'the one'.

It painstakingly shows that the work is in the hours. And the work can become an obsession. An obsession that gives nothing back equitable to what it takes from you.

It starts with a suitably harrowing and upsetting sequence and it ends on character uplift in lieu of narrative resolution. It also sits as one of the best movies about the art and reality of investigation in modern cinema.

8. The Creator

If there's anyone out there still 'over crediting' Tony Gilroy for the success of ROGUE ONE - one of the best (and the last great) STAR WARS films - this is the "fuck you" exhibit.

Gareth Edwards' sci-fi action epic doesn't entirely land its thematic intentions and hampers itself somewhat by placing dramatic reliance on the anti-acting vessel that is Gemma Chan, but by crikey is it an enthralling and gorgeous-looking ride. (John David Washington remains a magnetic watch, though I do wonder because he sounds so much like his dad whether we're all just hooked on the idea that they've 'prequelised' Denzel?)

You're gifted something here that feels like 1982 Ridley Scott and 1993 James Cameron have got together to play with action figures and do a sci-fi Vietnam movie... it's glorious stuff!

Full of some of the best effects and well realised set-pieces of the year, it's the old 'protect the child' trope given a beautiful lick of paint thick to feel make it feel just about unique enough and a) stand out in an ocean of comic book movies and sequels, and b) probably make Neil Blomkamp go "Ahhh. That's how you do this? Riii-ght!"

So of course no fucker showed up to watch it!

7. Close

I don't really have friends. I don't have the sort of 'personality' that lends itself to people being able to find me tolerable at the most basic level - at least for more than a couple of hours at a time anyway.

I've come to accept and acknowledge this fact the older I've got in life. I've always tried to make friends / keep friends etc but the type of person I am seemingly lends itself to being easily used and/or quickly put down.

It wasn't always like this though. When I was a child there was a boy who saw something in me that others did not and could not. He was in my class and lived close by my grandparents, where I spent most of my time. We were bonded by our loneliness amidst a sea of heads at school as much as our shared sense of humour. Even at a young age I came to appreciate this friend for simply •liking• me and we quickly became inseparable.

On the last day of school, with a vast and limitless summer ahead of us before separate high schools would provide an inevitable divide, we had an argument. A silly, stupid, ~nothing~ argument - significant enough in postscript that I can still recall it now 31 years on - that degenerated into shoving and me accidentally banging his head off a bathroom wall during lunchbreak.

We left school that day with our friendship impacted and the first week of the summer holiday's heavily damaged by him not being by my side in it. And on the very night that I finally decided I didn't want this to continue any longer... that the very next morning I would pick up the phone and ask him if he wanted to go ride bikes in the dene... he died.

An asthma attack. A fuckin asthma attack.

He died not believing that I was his friend and that devastated me. It still does. 31 years later, I think about Neil at least once a week. I see clips of talent show magicians and KNOW that'd have been him. I've tried all my life to replicate a friendship like it and I've never succeeded. But can we ever generate that closeness in adulthood towards someone like we could as children, when we were free of responsibility and bonded by limitless possibility?

I've frequently wondered what my life would've been like if Neil had still been in it, telling myself over and over that this would've been one of the rare pre-teen childhood friendships that lasted.

I miss him and would give anything to be able to deliver the apology to him that he deserved then and is still owed now.

So... all THAT said... it goes without saying that this deeply human, carefully etched and very naturally drawn drama hit me like a train travelling at 150mph.

This is one of the most effective and important films about grief, trauma-processing, adolescence and friendship that there's been in some time.

It really is a brilliant piece of cinema that should be shown in schools to every kid from twelve upwards.

6. The Eight Mountains

Felix van Groeningen and Charlotte Vandermeersch's adaption of Paolo Cognetti's novel is a (both visually and emotionally) astonishingly beautiful effort with two fascinating and textured performances from Alessandro Borghi as the adult Bruno and Luca Marinelli as the adult Pietro.

It's an intimate epic; a careful, patient and quietly profound treaty on friendship, life, love, ambition, Buddhist concepts, ancient Indian cosmology, growth, nature and the weight of legacy.

Come for the stunning footage of the gorgeous Italian Alps, but stay to be deeply moved by something really rather special, wholehearted and sincere that steps right over whatever BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN esque expectations or assumptions you may well carry into this.

5. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

I've never understood anyone - especially the aged fanboys frequently responsible for ruining the STAR WARS and MARVEL 'discourse' - who's shown territoriality over the TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES as a "franchise".

The reason this ramshackle 1984 indie comic by Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird has blown up into five television series, seven films, multiple video games and a range of toys / merchandise for four decades is mostly down to the way it sorta reinvents itself every five or so years. Which means there's some form of TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES 'content' now for all of us in one way or another.

And one of the most impressive - but not THE most impressive - things about this film is how it incorporates something from everything that's gone before without becoming a complete mess. The spirit of the comic book source material is front and centre alongside the legitimate effort of the 1990 movie adaptation. The "that'll do" crappy clart of its sequels is avoided whilst the huge scale of the maligned Bay-ified 2014 - 2016 movies is represented. It definitely captures everything about the first Saturday morning cartoon that enamoured the property to us way back when.

It's a glorious effort. It truly is. I watched it with my son and his friends and the huge grins on their faces was infectious. I struggled to think of another entertainment entity that has moved so effortlessly through the generations like this has.

It's a visually resplendent film. It takes the reconfiguration of the animated form a la the SPIDER-VERSE movies and delivers a surprisingly more focused and tighter effort than the latest SPIDER-VERSE sequel. It is dripping with an energy and confidence that will surprise you, as well as a whole heap of heart and humour that will delight.

Yeah, there's moments here and there where the energetic visual styling becomes a little too cluttered in its action sequences but it is a minor grumble against what is a surprising instant masterpiece of its type:

A sweet and funny teen movie walking in the shoes of an animated giant sized comic book blockbuster wearing the coat of a New York conspiracy film, drenched in classic East Coast hip-hop and a score by by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, and performed by one of the most impressively eclectic voice casts of recent.

(Within a roster of Hannibal Buress, Rose Byrne, John Cena, Ice Cube, Natasia Demetriou, Ayo Edebiri, Giancarlo Esposito, Post Malone, Rogen, Paul Rudd, Maya Rudolph, Micah Abbey, Shamon Brown Jr, Nicolas Cantu and Brady Noon, it is Jackie Chan that absolutely steals this thing by a considerable distance!)

4. Asteroid City

If you aren't a Wes Anderson fan this is not the film that is going to convert you. An immaculately stylised and composed metatextual 'Russian Nesting Doll' celebration of the construction of art and the art of storytelling? No way. No how.

There was elements of it that didn't work for me but what •did• work I was head over heels in love with. The [CENSORED]*constructs felt almost like afterthoughts and didn't particularly resonate. A lot of reviews hit Anderson for being unfocused and overindulgent, and I kinda can see where they're coming from. But only with regards to that particular element.

[* censored by me and hopefully by everyone else because they've done a wonderful job of hiding the story construct from the marketing]

The rest of the film is primo Wes Anderson in his most astonishingly stylised form with his attention to detail never more sharp.

A complaint that must be noted though is in the casting, where the usual 'Anderson Players' appear to have ran a 'pyramid scheme'; bringing in actors who's casting has attracted other actors to the point of it being too cluttered an ensemble in too lean a film to let everyone truly shine. Despite all the plaudits, I think Scarlett Johansson is well out of her depth here. And I just think if you're going to hire the likes of Steve Carell (replacing a Covid-addled Bill Murray at the last minute), Margot Robbie (who should've played Johansson's part, and vice versa) and the sublime Sophia Lillis but barely use them properly it's almost a crime!

When it's funny it is hilarious. When it is delightful it sits as a heavenly confection. And when it wobbles it still isn't as ponderous and disappointing as some of the lesser elements of THE FRENCH DISPATCH.

3. Oppenheimer

I found every plaudit for this to be true and what a reward it was to receive as cinema lies stale in its current state, crusted with the stale decay of innumerable shitty-sheened superhero movies and sequels to things no one was asking for.

Here's a mature, complex, expertly constructed character study of great depth and intelligence; a film primarily made up of scientists and mathematicians thinking and squabbling amongst themselves whilst a non-linear deep betrayal born of immense pettiness plays out almost as an appendices to the traditional biopic... yet, thanks to the music of Ludwig Göransson and editing by Jennifer Lame, it moves like this insanely kinetic action thriller instead.

The ending stretch feels almost ~too~ trite and neat though, it must be said. Although maybe I'm tarnished by a feeling that no movie should depend on the cripplingly irritating overacting of Rami Malek to play last-minute 'saviour'.

Cillian Murphy is frankly outstanding here and whilst most critics have the Best Supporting Actor Oscar locked for Robert Downey Jr (who's brilliant and who's Lewis Strauss receives a 'kiss off' by Nolan here that almost feels like a Marvel Cinematic Universe esque tease for a sequel about Strauss arranging the JFK assassination!) it would be good to see Matt Damon get some recognition here as his General Groves very nearly steals the whole movie with very little.

The casting is so sumptous overall that every scene induces a "Hey! That's..." as the likes of Kenneth Branagh, Josh Hartnett, Casey Affleck, David Krumholtz, Matthew Modine, Benny Safdie, Jason Clarke, Michael Angarano, Jack Quaid, Josh Peck, Olivia Thirlby, Macon Blair, Tom Conti, James D'Arcy, David Dastmalchian, Dane DeHaan, Alden Ehrenreich, Tony Goldwyn, Alex Wolff, James Remar, James Urbaniak and (is it a spoiler to say?) Gary Oldman as Harry S. Truman roll out to 'play' for one or two minutes.

It's the sort of movie so stacked and packed even at 3 hours that it puts Emily Blunt (as Katherine "Kitty" Oppenheimer) in such an undercooked and underdeveloped role you wonder why they cast a 'star' in it... until that clearance hearing scene near the end where she goes and delivers the impact of a... well... an atomic bomb and you think to yourself "Oh. That's why they cast Emily Blunt!"

It's a gorgeous-looking - Hoyte van Hoytema's cinematography is luscious - cinematic achievement by Christopher Nolan, where his visual ambition and clinical cinematic technique have really come together once again to remind you the term "modern great" as a filmmaker is well earned.

2. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

A "great time" - seeing as the film itself had my beloved GAME NIGHT's Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley at the helm - perhaps. But a resoundingly delightful time that left me instantly eager for more of these movies and DEFINITELY future revisits of this one? I'm shocked at just how brilliant this was.

I can't believe that one of my favourite films of the year is a 'fantasy heist action comedy adventure' based on the infamous tabletop role-playing game.

Especially considering I've never played nor have any frame of reference / interest towards the tabletop game (my sole DUNGEONS & DRAGONS 'knowledge' stems from the 1980s cartoon series - which gets a pretty terrific nod here!) and one-third of the cast is made up of actors (Michelle Rodriguez and Regé-Jean Page) I can't normally stand.

I've been a big Chris Pine fan for a long time now and his performance in this only increases the fandom. And I've flat-out crushed on Sophia Lillis since IT and she's pretty tremendous (if a little underserved) here. The whole cast - yeah, including Rodriguez - are pretty wonderful with Hugh Grant clearly having a grand ol' time, a "big star" mid-movie cameo that'll only land depending on your opinion of this diversive 'talent' and Justice Smith very nearly stealing the movie out from under Pine.

This thing is built within the framework of a marriage between THE PRINCESS BRIDE and the aforementioned GAME NIGHT. It's ostensibly LORDS OF THE RINGS meets OCEAN'S 11; a series of ever escalating challenges and heists that are thrillingly executed within a film that's very, very, VERY funny. The opening prologue is a complete statement of intent ("Where's Jonathan?") that tells you exactly the movie you're going to get.

Killers of the Flower Moon / Godzilla: Minus One

Simply astonishing to indulge in - there's such a deft, surprising delicacy to elements of Martin Scorsese's Killers of the Flower Moon that's all the more astounding considering the abhorrent subject matter.

That comes mainly from the performance Lily Gladstone provides this film with. In a sea of tremendous work - and by God it's both magnificent to see Robert DeNiro be great again and for Leonardo DiCaprio to finally do something in my eyes that lives up to his [overstated] reputation - she is working on some other stratospheric level.

Comments about the length by some don't resonate with me. I certainly didn't feel it, necessarily. It's probably the length it needs to be to do justice to the masterful source material its adapted, deliver a legitimate love story (of which, don't be fooled by its toxicity, this is), a film of weighted historical and cultural context AND a true life / true crime procedural.

It's surprisingly less gratuitous than you'd probably expect too. Especially considering we're in the hands of our greatest living filmmaker, someone who's never shied away from presenting us with absolute violence of an uncompromised nature.

There's also these splashes of jet black comedy occasionally popping up too - like the horribly bleak but darkly funny scene in which one henchman asks a lawyer about whether adopting then killing his Osage wife's kids would make him a benefactor of their riches. When the lawyer rightly points out it sounds like he's confessing to planning child murders he replies not unless the lawyer's answer would be affirmative.

This is a film that consumes you. It pulls you in and drags you down - you're in the presence of pure evil and weak character, and Scorsese expertly holds you there so escape feels as impossible as justice must have to the Osage.

It's very easy to 'throw around' the term "masterpiece" when it comes to Martin Scorsese. Mainly because the fucker keeps effortlessly making 'em. But by crikey this really is one.

Equally majestic as a piece of cinema, but in an entirely different form and genre is Takashi Yamazaki's Godzilla: Minus One.

By concentrating on making an interesting drama with genuinely well-etched characters (that just so happens to have a giant radioactive monster passing through intermittently) equal to a barnstorming blockbuster creature feature (that allows itself to be infected with enthralling drama and character development), this steps up in the year of the Godzilla franchise’s 70th year to take the position as its best entry [by a considerable distance] in its illustrious history.

Buzzing with some of the best set-pieces of the year soundtracked to a thumping and all-consuming score by Naoki Sato, there’s genius in recalibrating a Godzilla movie – of all things – in order to develop an incredibly touching human drama and social commentary about what makes a family, what is the true definition of patriotism and courage, what real service to one’s country presents as and how to find air to breathe / the will to go on in a post-war Japan where unrelenting despair hangs in the atmosphere wherever your head turns and ‘fear’ manifests itself as a skyscraper-sized lizard-of-sorts.

We know we’re being played with the cute kid and the manipulative makeshift family relations, but that doesn’t stop it being wonderful. The marriage of sincere impacts caused by war and loss with sci-fi fantasy (but no less tense) fantasy action shouldn’t work, but they very much do. This thing is firing on multiple levels and it succeeds across the board to stand as the best blockbuster of the year.

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Here's a Letterboxd link for this whole thing if you're that way inclined.

Tell your mum I said hello.

See you next year...

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