#like on time you learn to stop talking about people irl about your stuff and put it alllll on a tumblr blog

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

The sleepover scene always breaks my heart 😭 literally me at 12

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey there sex witch! This one might be a little bit out of your wheelhouse, but I don't really have anyone else to ask 😅 and this seems mostly relevant to what you talk about.

So recently I (a very shy person for a long time) have gotten pretty active in some fandom discord communities, and I've been making a ton of friends. Which is great because I used to have social anxiety to the point where I could barely talk to people, especially online. The problem is that my new friends are all VERY horny, all the time. Which, great for them, I don't really feel the same way. They're also very interested in ERP and other varieties of e-sex and often ask if I want to join. I really don't, but it's fine that they're into that. One guy in particular is really starting to freak me out though. He's a semi-popular creator and a mod on one of the servers. He's becoming a pretty good friend of mine and I play online games with him and others a bunch. He, like the rest of the crowd, is also very horny all the time. He often makes sexual comments about me, sometimes very graphic ones. Stuff like telling me to take my clothes off IRL while on call with him or saying stuff like "I want to fuck you until you cry" or just dming me asking if I want to have sex with him. Sometimes he notices that his comments make me uncomfortable and he did reach out to sincerely apologize for it once, but he hasn't changed his behavior a whole lot.

The big thing that worries me about him is the fact that he's 28. I'm 18, just graduated high school. He knows this about me. He does a very good job of keeping his server 18+ and would never make a sexual comment about a minor, but is still comfortable doing sexual things with people ten years younger than him. Another thing is that even though I've told him I already have a boyfriend, he assumes I'm in an open relationship even though I never told him I was. My boyfriend also says this guy kinda freaks him out and that he's a little worried about me.

I know that age gaps between older people can be perfectly healthy and problems arising from them vary pretty heavily from person to person, but I'm not entirely sure if this is ok or not. This guy doesn't want to hurt anyone. Have I probably just not properly expressed my boundaries with him? It's not like he's targeting me or anything, he acts this way with basically everyone. I'm torn on what to do, he's still my friend and I like him otherwise. Should I just keep laughing it off? I am uncomfortable but I guess it's not a huge deal to me. Should I stop talking to this guy?? Help??

🐟🐟 So I can find this quickly if/when you answer it

hi 🐟🐟,

this guy fucking sucks and needs to be banned from interacting with maybe anyone until he learns what "no" means. literally every individual thing you've described him doing would be alarming in it's own, but altogether this man is a walking collection of red flags. this is not your friend and this is not a guy who cares about your boundaries or well-being; this is a man using his fandom clout to sexually harass you (and likely others). him being ten years older than you isn't even really the biggest issue here; all of this would be shithead behavior even if you were exactly the same age.

get out of there, double fish.

[maddiem4]

Well, I wanna be working on a novel right now, but apparently it's time to make a certain kind of post again, as is periodically necessary, because young queer folk keep trying to reinvent the Hayes Code for a variety of misguided reasons. So you know what? Let me lead with the TLDR, and then give my reasoning. If you DNI stuff like incest, I am not just going to unfollow you, I am going to block you.

Now, if you're the type to make assumptions, you might be surprised to hear that I'm not into incest. Sorry to disappoint. Well, unless you count selfcest, but people don't usually lump those together except by technicality. But incest is really not my thing.

That said, I have mutuals who are into it, and harmless about it. Whether it's fictional, RP, or consensual, it's not my business and it hurts nobody. Get used to those words, they're gonna be a mantra here. Further, I've seen how Hayes Queers (hey, I needed a term for them) talk about harmless members of their own community who give them The Ick. The post I'm writing here is a direct reaction to seeing a Hayes Queer post from someone I followed! Reading that, and the comments on it. And lemme tell you: y'all are very quick to throw your peers under the bus with the exact same logic (respectability politics, personal disgust, "making a bad name for us as a larger group", lurking threat to our moral purity) that the conservatives are using to argue for the mass extermination of queer folk. You are bringing pitchforks and tiki torches to the party. So no, I am not going to give you access to my vulnerable mutuals. That's the heart of it. You are a danger to your community, and I'm going to limit the scope of harm you can do. The broader queer/kink communities have worked hard to define harm more carefully than "well I just personally think it's gross." Scat and piss are gross to me, but my mutuals who are into those things do still deserve love and safety, not to be sacrificed on an altar of conservative family values for imaginary "one of the good ones" points. I have a responsibility to look out for my people. So do you, FYI.

So here's the recipe for living online with people whose kinks aren't your business and hurt nobody: learn to scroll past those posts or block those tags, or even block that person. Be an adult. The world does not exist to be personally palatable to you. You are not being harmed, you're being inconvenienced. If you can't handle that, you're the one bringing real-world (rather than imagined) danger to your community. Fuck's sake.

This also finally convinced me to look up what "proshipper" means after seeing it in discourse for years, these dreaded dangerous devils who apparently must be purged from the internet, and... holy fuck, how is this contentious? It literally just means you can disagree about fandom pairings without harassing people? That's just mature behavior in a shared space. That's what the argument is about? Oh my god. If you're arguing about this in 2024, your Aunt Maddie is fully ashamed of you for real.

The dumbest part is that people get doxxed for saying the stuff I'm saying, and maybe it'll happen to me. Guess I'll roll the dice. Which comes full circle: if you're looking at this post and trying to decide how to punish me for it IRL, you are literally being the danger. Stop and think for 30 milliseconds. Maybe I have a point that you are a bigger threat than two trans girls who like to pretend to be sisters for sex reasons. And I don't wanna hear no trauma excuses from any of you little monkeys, fetishes come from trauma a decent percentage of the time, so a lot of the people you're persecuting are victims of the same kind of assault as you.

This is more words than I ever should have to write about a self-evident topic. I know if you're young enough and still figuring out a lot of life stuff from scratch, it may not be self-evident to you. But hopefully it is now before you fucking hurt somebody. Thanks.

[whatbigotspost]

If you hate stuff like Enneagram just skip this post please BUT if you, like me, love this, I have to share my list of hand crafted “hard shit each Enneagram type needs to hear and internalize.” It’s like the heart of each types’ biggest social BS where they need to hear “let go and back off” of something or a challenging thing each type needs to learn to embrace.

I’m sharing it here instead of with people I know irl as they’ll each think it’s about them personally, since I know their types and am always talking about this stuff 😂 but it’s not at all about any 1 human. It’s my personal data tracking at play. After 10 years of being a geek about Enneagram, using it at work and in social spaces, and knowing countless types of my friends and coworkers, my brain can’t help but notice and index some trends. My super power of pattern recognition shows up like this sometimes.

anyway, here’s the hard truths I’ve got to share today!

Type 1: your way isn’t the “right way.” In fact, your way may be dead wrong for others. Your experience isn’t universal and trying to impose it will drive others away. Let go and embrace imperfection and total ambiguity.

Type 2: offers to help are not always welcome or experienced as a gift. Sometimes it’s actually hurtful when you bring a “fixing” mentality. Plus, feeling resentment when your offers are declined is counterproductive to your goals. Let go and embrace a lack of control or “doing.”

Type 3: sometimes you WILL fail and look bad. We all are human. When you let your self perception dip due to the perspectives of others at your humanity, you seem so much smaller and less than you really are. Get comfy being a mess sometimes and stop looking so desperate to save face. Let go and embrace failure.

Type 4: you simply aren’t the center of other folks’ worlds, but that’s actually good news. Most of the time, what others say or do has nothing to do with you and thinking it does, results in more emotional suffering. Let go and embrace the gifts of insignificance and it being not about you.

Type 5: you simply can never know it all and you must accept this. Information brings comfort, but you have to accept that some things have absolutely no “answer” and they can’t be reasoned with or explained by logic. Let go and embrace the potential and beauty within ambiguity.

Type 6: you have everything you need within you to be safe and secure. Continuously turning towards others to find, build, and seek security is risky, like outsourcing your moral compass. You’ve got all you need. Let go and embrace self-assuredness.

Type 7: just feel the goddamn shitty feelings with us for a while. Fun is great but it’s not always possible. Sometimes life genuinely sucks and we need you to sit in that fact and stop trying to see a bright side. Your optimism is needed but not 100% of the time. Let go and embrace reading the room when others need you.

Type 8: take a deep breath, roll your shoulders back, and just chill for a second. Your independence is a super power but you don’t have to fight so hard all of the time and you CAN rest and lean on others. Let go and embrace softness.

Type 9: suck it up, steel your spine, gird your loins, and say the hard thing. Peacekeeping is noble but only when everyone’s needs are actually known. Extreme passivity is as toxic to relationships as aggression when it results in resentments. Let go and embrace self advocacy.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for slowly ghosting a fwb instead of confronting him when I found out he's been stalking people again?

He (twenties, M) and I (twenties, X) knew each other from college. He's genuinely a fun guy. Also, a cis person being into you as a nonbinary person (as your gender, not despite it) in a non-fetishy way is frankly too powerful. So yeah, we started talking more some time after graduation, and it turned into a digital-only friends-with-benefits situation.

I was wary of him in college, but willing to give him a second chance. It was an open secret among our friend group that he'd stalked a couple of people he was into in college -- resulting in court ordered therapy and a restraining order and everything. I was still mentally/emotionally recovering from an abusive relationship years prior that the ex stalked me after for a few years. So you can see why it was a big deal that I gave this distant friend another chance, willing to get as close to him as I did. I guess I thought that like, the therapy had worked?

Well, fast forward to us being close after college. He doesn't know that I know about his previous two times getting nearly expelled for stalking people. I have not told him anything about my years-ago abusive relationship, but it's possible he has some awareness of it due to mutual friends. I kept firm with a boundary that he will have no more specific geographic information about me than my city, and he's certainly never learning my address. He has no way to know about my more "personal" social media like Tumblr. I am protecting myself.

But a few months into us being fwb and having fun and me repeatedly asserting my boundaries regarding irl interaction. He complains to me that someone is claiming that he's stalking them. I casually ask about the situation, assert that yeah what he's doing is shitty, he should stop, and it does sound like stalking (even though he insists it isn't). We never talk about it again.

He started showing up in my trauma nightmares, and suddenly the second chance I gave him seems like a terrible idea. So, over the next few months, I make a planned retreat. I respond less frequently, less promptly, and with less emotion. I planned out my strategy by the week to look like a natural loss of interest, or a natural "got busy with other stuff."

My logic is that he clearly has not learned to stop stalking people. I am not willing to continue exposing myself to that personal risk. But I am also not willing to say "I refuse to remain friends with an unrepentant stalker." I'm afraid that if I do that, he will get the wrong lesson: that he needs to never admit to any other friend what he's done, or else he'll lose them. The right lesson obviously would be: don't follow people to their houses after they've cut contact and don't send them letters asking whether they're living alone again yet, what the fuck. I am afraid that if I tell him why I'm ghosting, he will simply never talk about this pattern ever again, thus removing the ability of future friends like me to make informed decisions about who they're spending their time with.

We're now one year into when I fully ended contact. I did not block him. I still get two texts a week from him -- sometimes "are you okay" sometimes life updates, usually just "hey". He has made no indications that he has visited the city where I live, thank god. I have not explained to any of our mutual friends what I did. I have not talked to anyone, not my therapist not my spouse, about what I did. I am not going to speak to him again, but I am not going to block him, because I need my cutting contact to look natural.

So yeah. AITA for not making a bigger deal of his continued stalking of other people? In my mind I'm protecting myself, and reducing the likelihood he'll start hiding his nature from future friends, so this way they can be informed and protect themselves as needed. But AITA for lowkey ghosting him instead of having a serious conversation about his behavior? I know he sucks. I just don't know if I also suck.

What are these acronyms?

[gyunglitter]

introducing𓏧

the losers club !!

summary: just you dicking around with txt college!au besties

warnings: doja cat fandom slander, mentions of soobin's feet, mentions of bullying, cursing

contrary to your group’s self-appointed nickname, you guys are actually well known (and liked!) on campus!! :D

you guys have NO IDEA as to how so many people on campus grew to like you and want to hang out with you

especially since you guys had a hard time in school before

but woohoo to not peaking in high school right?!

tbh, you guys are testaments to that second round of puberty nobody talks about

ya know, the glow up that happens after you graduate high school and get away from all the pricks you were forced to see everyday?

yup, you and your losers are finally thriving

besides when you’re dying bc of all your classes and tests

but yeah

while other ppl really like your group’s personalities

YOU GUYS ARE SUPER HOT TOO🤭

i mean, just look at y’all!

[choi yeonjun]-

‘99 liner//junior

took a gap year before getting dragged back to go to school so he could learn to be a normal human being

did someone say IT BOY??

literally the girls and the gays are in love with this man

dance major and student athlete who unironically does zumba every saturday morning

had no social life in high school because kid was NEVER there

he was a bored only child, while his neglectful parents were filthy rich and figured their kid could do whatever he wanted to entertain himself

so what he wanted, they got it—including vacations

with him being gone so much, his classmates always wondered who this choi yeonjun guy was and how he could miss so much school while still passing

though the intrigue kind of stopped when he pulled up to school with the ugliest shoes to walk south korea

him and his obnoxious shoes gave a lot of people the ick :(

but never fear, yeonjun and his footwear are just ahead of their time!

(you can't say they are in quite yet, but they probably will come around some day!!)

yeonjun typically spent his days doing sports, travelling, and running away from talent scouts lmao

no idol life for him in THIS lifetime

but as life would have it, the man is too scrumptious to be out of the spotlight for too long

bc he became a model not too long after college started due to a school project photoshoot went viral on twitter!!

his twitter is a minefield while he reserves his insta for the wholesome content :)

[choi soobin]-

‘00 liner//junior

glue of the group despite insisting how much he HATES y’all

broadcast and entertainment major so he can get into the entertainment industry and get the bts of moviemaking!!

(really just wants to meet all of his favorite voice actors tbh)

known for being the Ultimate Boyfriend™ despite never actually being in a relationship lololol

in middle school he got into anime, which was COMPLETELY normal! he actually made a ton of friends that way!!

at least until one of his friends came over and saw his body pillow collection

yikes :/

unfortunately didn’t take long at all for the whole school to find out, and then they never let it go

all the way up until he graduated high school :(((

it’s okay tho!

he had tons of online friends from going to conventions and stuff!!

but making irl friends was definitely hard for him when he got to college

[choi beomgyu]-

01’ liner//sophomore

absolute MENACE to your little society

he’s the guy who gets whoever is in his company to unironically admit “last night was a movie”

music major studying composition while playing guitar in a band

the girlies are FAWNING

ppl are so in love with him because he’s so pretty

but then the kid opens his mouth :/

he was the most extroverted kid

which worked perfectly bc with his good looks and personality, everyone wanted to be his friend!! :D

but with high school, friends, and all his 100 extracurriculars

kid burned out by senior year :(

his last year of school, he totally ghosted his friends and stayed inside all day playing video games

(he actually got diamond 1 on LoL, boy is nothing if not determined)

eventually rumors went around that he got dropped and turned into a social outcast

but he didn’t really care since he was fine with rotting away the rest of the school year

by the time he got to college, he wanted nothing to do with things that would suck his already nonexistent energy

[kang taehyun]-

02’ liner//freshman

the one that always has the braincell

and really wishes he didn’t so he could escape yall

stem major for engineering, which is just another one of his controversial choices (being second only to befriending yall)

everyone on campus knows him as that one guy you go to when you need the answers to your homework or your final

yeah, he’s selling the test answers on the black market :P

what? he’s in DEBT

he never gets suspected tho bc he alrdy knows all the answers, so why would he be involved with that??

but the rest of the town?

well, the town knows him as terry

mans is always seen at the gym and the club pulling without even trying

this is TOTALLY contrasting to his high school life, where he literally only gave his time of day to his studies

mans did not have TIME to hang out with anybody

bc of this, he became a bit of an easy target to the one-dimensional jocks that tried to use him to get them better grades :(

he was a small kid, so he got picked on and tossed around a lot :(((

it’s okay, since he’s buffer than them now!! >:)

[huening kai]-

‘02 liner//freshman

maknae that’s more mature than ALL OF YOU

he acts like he isn’t, but kid grew up a MIDDLE CHILD between TWO SISTERS

they’d managed to craft the most perfect and thoughtful angel to grace south korea

except for his demonic laugh :/

but YOU GUYS LOVE IT!!

he’s coasting through college, wishing he could tell you what major he was

but boy is constantly changing it LMAO

he just loves learning about different subjects!!

not to mention he’s good at most things he tries

so he makes tons of friends!!

but he didn’t always :(

from middle to high school, he was THE band kid

he could play the guitar, percussion, trombone, and piccolo!!

so when little kai walked home in his minecraft hoodie carrying his giant instrument case

8/10 times kid would get pelted by eggs or something on the way home

good thing he had his trombone case to shield him!! :D

kai would also be insanely awkward and didn’t have good icebreakers besides his plushie collection

too bad that didn’t become socially acceptable for another few years

[y/l/n y/n]-

‘01 liner//sophomore

ladies and gentlemen i give you

her

the group's resident photographer, despite the fact that you're SO HOT

you are beauty

you are grace

well, you are now

high school: not so much

you were LOSER #1 girlie ://

you were just a little slow to pick up on a lot of social cues and what was "cool" or not, making you prone to awkward situations and bullying

for example: pinky promises and saying “on god” was quirky and acceptable, but spit shakes were not

neither were bowl cuts

or pretending to drown at the school pool and see how everyone would react

like i said, you were behind on a lot

but what took you the longest to learn—the people you thought were your friends were no longer laughing with you and your unfortunately timed puns, but at you (and your unfortunately timed puns) :(((

but you digress, because your overactive imagination worked to your advantage of getting clout and a full ride scholarship!!

you’re an art major with a minor in photography, winning a national photography contest that got the attention of your college

your genius piece of "different kinds of falls in public", where you purposefully tripped people walking by you and taking photos of them, had won the heart of the public and the school board over to the point of them begging to have you!

your parents and teachers just wished you had the same genius outside of cameras--as you slacked off in every other academic aspect

notes: enjoy me being unfunny but having a blast anyway! feel free to send in asks/requests regarding this fic. can't guarantee i'll respond to it, but i'd love to see what you guys think/want!

[pillarsalt]

hi Im the same ex transmasc anon who sent you that aask about rhe tumblr ban thing, I did a lot of reading without forcing myself away this time. (I used to look at radblr sometimes bc I got curious, but when it started making too much sense i would make myself stop reading and tell myself I was being manipulated and try to forget about it..looking back that probably wasnt normal haha,)

I have mixed feelings tho. I don’t regret looking closer, the amount of sexism in the trans community was horrible. I think even radfems don’t understand how bad it was because it was all subtle styff. But seeing it constantly irl and online was terrible for me as a female. It gave me so much internalized misogyny, it made me hate myself and I felt worthless and stupid! and whiny! and annoying! all the time!! unless I was able to be perceived as a man. I felt like I had to be a man to have any respect in the community. I remember being so amazed to see abortion be covered by trans people I followed in even a reblog because it was the first time I saw people in the community talk about female issues at all. Even then it was covered with disclaimers and terfs DNI banners. male,opinions were always prioritized.

I thought this was dysphoria and a sign I was really a man. then I started reading radfem things and its like that feeling instantly lifted. I felt respected, listened to, even though I wasn’t speaking. It was also like all this stuff I’d internalized from being female, all the trauma around sex based oppression, was actually being addressed. in trans circles you get called a terf for acknowledging females face any kind of oppression (they acknowledge sex when it’s to talk about how hard male loneliness is on young trans women, and how the incel to trans woman pipeline happens, though…)

but the reason I have mixed feelings is bc I now feel….dumb? And afraid. And angry. I spend well over a decade being part of this community, half my friends are in the community, I’ve been trans since I was 9. My typings not the best… dyslexia sucks lol. But I like to think I’m smart. Now I don’t know,

And it makes me think totally different of these people I saw as progressive cis male allies, who were so loud about trans rights and hating JKR and terfs. Now they just feel like the same flavor of anti-feminist man I hate.

And the community is so huge and it’s so widely accepted and I don’t know how to deal!

But I am happy to be a woman now. In a healthy way I haven’t been for a long time. thats all that matters.

I'm sorry for everything you were put through. Many girls and women have been sucked into this thinking it will provide a solution for their distress at the social ramifications of the body they're born in, only for more people, namely men, to take advantage of their distress and gain power over them. As you mentioned, even "cis" men get in on the action when they justify intimidating and threatening women with violence in response to perceived transphobia. It's a terrible situation to be in. Made worse when you can't openly talk about with people you're close to for fear of alienating them.

I think you should give yourself more credit. You ARE smart. You questioned what you were told was never allowed to be questioned and realized you were being misled. And what you said about trying to make yourself forget the realizations you've had, that is normal. It's a difficult and scary thing to hold opinions that conflict with those of the majority of your peers. I think it's like the climax of cognitive dissonance -- when what you know is true clashes so hard against what you want to believe, you find it impossible to justify anymore, so you just resort to pretending you never learned the information in the first place. Been there.

I'm just being a stereotype now, but there's a classic Dworkin quote for this:

"Many women, I think, resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny which permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships."

Anyway my point is, don't beat yourself up. I'm really happy to read that you're accepting your womanhood, it's a hard journey but it's worth it to have a good relationship with yourself. And in my experience (at the sage and wisened age of 25) that it gets easier as you get older. You work through mistakes, and that prepares you to handle the next mistake better. You're right, your health and happiness is all that matters, keep striving for that and it will steer you right.

I wanted to give you some reading recommendations, you mentioned you have dyslexia but I believe these two are available in audiobook form if that's up your alley:

Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference by Cordelia Fine

Invisible Women: Exposing Data Bias in a World Designed for Men by Caroline Criado Perez

There are tons more great books on feminism but these two are my go-tos for hard facts on gender, socialization, and the systematic discrimination against women worldwide through biases that are built into society.

Well uh; TLDR thanks for gracing my inbox, anon :) Hope you keep well.

[theheightofdishonor]

I love reading your kagehina posts!! Sometimes I see stuff like they aren't even friends 😭 and probably drifted apart and partner in sports is different from actual friendship lmao

Thank you!

dfghhjkl yeah i've seen those claims and I firmly believe that anyone who's saying any of that needs to take reading comprehension 101. I've talked about this claim a little bit here but to reiterate, kageyama and hinata's bond- their unique connection, the meaningfulness of it, the way that they support and teach and learn from each other- is one of the core aspects of the series. Like, there were so many instances of people commenting about how special their relationship was that I made a list. This post here I think are also relevant to addressing this. (if you couldn't tell, i talk about this a lot lol. But I don't mind talking about it some more)

Point is, they mean a lot to each other. And yes, haikyuu does make a point of showing how volleyball isn't always a 1 v 1 comparison to irl and how volleyball doesn't have to mean everything to be meaningful but at the same time, that's inapplicable to hinata and kageyama because the other side of that coin is that sometimes, volleyball is everything. It could not possibly be more in your face that Kageyama and Hinata formed an instantaneous connection and became a duo to be feared like overnight because they recognized that the other person is exactly like them- someone who will give everything for volleyball, who will never give up, a person who complements them. and understands them. Kageyama's little backstory moment that changed everything (and fucked me up permanently) is that he's been waiting for (someone like) Hinata his entire life. So what if they're not be hanging out 24/7 outside of volleyball? (which they do hang out outside of matches btw later on in life, kageyama asked hinata to play beach vb with kunimi and kindaichi) They already have a mutual understanding about the importance of volleyball in their lives. Also like, even in the last chapter/panel of haikyuu literally just reiterates that for the two of them, volleyball and each other and intrinsically intertwined elements and that they intend on revolving around each other as partner/rivals for the rest of their lives.

If we're looking only at the anime, that list i linked above is entirely taken from season. Like, the the sheer weight of kageyama "i can spike, toss, etc by myself" tobio saying the words "as long as you're with me, you're invincible" like 1-2 episodes later?? This bullshit where kageyama extracts a promise from hinata to follow him to the top of the world still happens in the anime too. That bit in the first Seijoh match where Kageyama says that Oikawa's going to set to Iwaizumi, not because it's the most logical move but because he trusts him so innately that it's the most natural move to make and then going on to make the exact same set to Hinata in the same match?? The extra animated linger on Kageyama and Hinata's fingers touching as they stop the Miya's quick? Oikawa and Atsumu both saying that Kageyama's "wrapped around Hinata's finger"?

Like come on now, does this look like two people who are going to drift apart? Be for real. They're too obsessed with each other to do that.

[librarycards]

Do you know how stop obsessing over calories (look at pictures of food and watch videos of people in hospital) easier than "Just Start Eating More"? Every person says "Well, eat more and you will not think of it so much". I am not from U.S and harm reduction is not even in my language. Doctors here do not know this concept and it is thought "You do not eat so now you are sick. Go to the hospital or eat with parents". I learn about harm reduction on Tumblr and forums but I do not find an answer to make it easier. Maybe it does not be easier. If this is so, I understand, but I think of it often.

Oy. If I had a fix for calories, you can bet i'd be screaming it from the rooftops. that said, I have gotten to a place where I can look at food a Normal Amount and not watch those awful before & afters and the like, so i'm including below a few recs that don't involve (for example) eating more, decreasing activity, and other traditional 'recovery' methods.

find a new, niche/weird thing to watch videos about. seriously. get obsessed with some hobby or subculture and fill your ig, etc. feed with those! i went through a phase where i'd just watch flight attendant vlogs. i also love "draw/paint/package things with me" videos. Ideally, these would be videos where the person's body wasn't constantly centered.

relatedly - when i was really fixated on peoples' hospital stays and bodies and tubes and stuff, it was because i was lonely. i was desperate for someone who actually shared this experience with me, because i hadn't processed it yet. the best way to address this takes time, but is very worth it: make friends. irl and online. make friends with people who have shared experiences and are good listeners, but are also fun to talk to about other things.

if you do want to keep watching videos about food, you can reduce harm by watching people who promote positive and curious relationships with food! emmymadeinjapan on youtube is one example of this. the baker Erin McDowell is another.

forgive yourself, and make space for doing things partway + in grey areas. this was. like. the hardest thing for me: i spent so much time early on either eating everything on my plate or, if one element was too scary, eating none of it. this isn't a realistic way to approach anything in life! i don't know how old you are or how much of your diet you currently control, but if you are able to decide what's on your plate, make it a mix of things you know you can eat and things you're not sure about.

or, build in a time of day where you try a new snack, even if you aren't able to do it every time. the point is creating new habits -- habits in which you give yourself permission to eat. not because you are required to, but because you have important and meaningful things to do with your life + you need to eat in order to be alive for them!

honestly, there's only so much advice I can give beyond simply gritting your teeth and Doing the Thing. it fucking sucks, and it hurts, but it's much easier when you have warm people in your life who understand, and ways of entertaining yourself that are attendant to your experience but not completely mired in it. this is an important reminder that you're a regular person who can have a variety of regular interests! this is a part of you, but it does not wholly define you, and you have a whole life to live and relationships + hobbies to explore beyond this focus on calories + institutions.

[taffywabbit]

im also anti proship but calling rugrats porn drawings "child porn" really dilutes the severity of actual child porn. we shouldnt be confusing actual cp that hurts real children with just weirdos drawing porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids, the two things are not at all on the same level

ok i suppose this was inevitable, i may as well get into it.

(CW for some discussion of CSA and child pornography, obviously)

first off, "i'm also anti proship but" is a terrifying way to start your message, and to go and follow it up with some extremely common proship copypasta i've heard a million times about "taking attention/resources/severity/etc away from real CSA victims" or whatever kinda makes me wonder how "anti proship" you actually are...?

kind of the point of this whole debate is typically that "proship" folks insist that fiction, or in this case "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" as you put it, has no effect on reality or people's mindsets. and so-called "antis" like myself generally respond to this idea with something along the lines of "well it sure seems to affect the reality of your cock and balls", and point out how repeatedly consuming media with a particular focus or message has been shown time and time again to quantifiably influence the way people view the world around them, in ways that subsequently affect how they act, or desensitize them to things that might otherwise upset/offend them. y'know, like political propaganda! or blockbuster movies about killer sharks! obviously some people are going to be more resilient against that sort of influence when the real-world equivalent of "porn of cartoon characters that happen to be kids" is something so blatantly unacceptable, and nobody is really claiming that the impact of fictional CP is "on the same level" as its IRL counterpart.

but at the very least, most people who would be considered "anti proship" WILL tell you "hey, i'm not trying to say that you jerking it to twitter porn of Gwen Tennyson or Tails or whatever is LITERALLY THE SAME as committing CSA, but it's still really fucking concerning and creepy that the majority of your sexual fixations are all specifically cutesy vulnerable cartoon characters under the age of 12, many of whom also have canonical adult designs that you conveniently avoid in favor of sexualizing the ones that are barely old enough to learn long division. you should maybe do some introspection and figure out why that is and whether or not you're really comfortable with what it implies about you. personally i know I'M not comfortable with that shit and i'm not going to keep hanging around you unless you make some serious changes." except usually in my experience the conversation ends up being a lot shorter and ends in a block pretty quickly. like i'm not a psychologist and i don't keep a bunch of studies on hand to throw at you about how fictional CP is often a factor in grooming, but i DO have a brain and can pretty clearly see when someone is rationalizing behavior that will lead them to places i'm not willing to follow.

ANYWAYS to focus more specifically on the actual reason we're talking about this (which was, to be clear, a mobile ad Tumblr served me that depicted one of the dads from Rugrats having sex with his 3yo daughter): yes, actually, that shit IS illegal to create or distribute. it's not the SAME as literal photographs of real children, OBVIOUSLY, but it's still also extremely fucked up in its own right, and any reasonable person in your life would probably stop talking to you if you told them you got off to it.

don't believe me about the legality part? check this out:

so like, I GUESS you might get some legal leeway with cub furry art or sonic porn or stuff that isn't always obvious in how much it's intended to parallel real children? if you really care? but this ad was literally multiple illustrations of a human adult man having intercourse with a human toddler. it's pornography centered around openly fetishizing the sexual assault of a child by a parent. i fail to see how referring to that in shorthand as "child porn" is inaccurate in any way that matters.

and Tumblr is a US-based company, beholden to the laws shown above, so they are at least somewhat responsible when illustrated pedophilic incest porn gets shown to thousands of their mobile app users in an ad they got paid to display. THAT was the original point i was making in my post. but thank you for trying to derail it to interrogate my "anti proship" views or whatever, i have had multiple people send me fairly nasty asks about it in the past year and you finally caught me in a moment when i was already pissed enough about something else that i felt like going off about this stuff. sorry if you actually agreed with most of this and i came off as overly rude/harsh, but if that's the case then this response is for all the other anon asks and replies i've gotten too, i guess.

now we're all clear about where i stand and i hopefully don't need to talk about this again - it's kind of a fucking bummer to think about this stuff and i've been avoiding the subject intentionally. you are always welcome to just block me if you have a problem

[i-like-anything-water]

Hey, me again! I was curious: What would your thoughts be on a Chloenette AU in which both Chloe and Marinette play video games as a way to vent stress, and end up starting to date online... while totally unaware who the other is IRL? Hey, the question mark is working this time! But yeah, I kinda picture Chloe as the type of person who SAYS she doesn't like video games because they are for "nerds," but actually has a bunch of really expensive gamer gear, and Marinette is a confirmed gamer in the show.

Hello!

Oh god, this would be very hilarious and fluffy. At first Chloe really doesn't like videogames cause why would she spend her day staring at a damn screen when she can do other things? (Like staring at her phone screen while shopping lmao). But she changed her mind when Adrien started inviting her over to watch and boy, was he super ridiculous.

"Adrikins!" She cries out, snatching the controller from the boy, "You are an Agreste! You do not lose to anyone, especially commoners over a stupid game!"

She actually managed to win third place but being the competitive brat that she is, she was pissed and vowed to get first place. What started as merely watching and commenting became her and Adrien's 'training' to beat random people online.

She still insisted it was kept a secret though. She was a Bourgeois, utterly unacceptable!

I'm not good with videogames myself so I don't have a specific game in mind. But I'm thinking of some rpg or where there's roles and heroes and stuff and Chloe meets a player who's ticked her off.

Marinette was sleep deprived and just had to beat an annoying akuma and wanted to play in peace and relieve her stress when this very flashy and expensive looking player just...poked her. She poked her back. And it ended with them just running around and decided to go on one adventure. Just one, she was intrigued after all.

Chloe didn't mean to poke her. She accidentally pressed her controller and it poked this player that just gave her some sort of... something. And it poked her back! She got an invite and despite being confused about the whole thing, she accepts.

And that's where it all started.

They became friends after learning how compatible they are during missions. Chloe was still wary of people finding out about her interest in games so she kept some part of her life vague, especially her name. Marinette didn't mind, she was just happy to talk to her friend.

They open up, learn stuff about each other and one thing leads to another and bam, they're girlfriends!

This bleeds on to their personal life and since Chloe is mostly on cloud nine, she doesn't bully people like usual and everyone is surprised (and slightly worried that the apocalypse is near or there's a reality bending akuma). Everyone including Marinette.

Marinette is also ecstatic (she's told Alya and some others about her girlfriend and they were very happy for her) but she can't help but notice and be curious about her rival's sudden change of attitude. She wanted to ask but they're getting along more easily (by this, they don't try to go at each other's throat by just locking eyes) so...maybe as long as nothing major changes....

It's during the upcoming competition does certain major changes come. Marinette is with Max, Adrien and some other kid talking about signing up for the competition. Chloe overhears and being the girlfriend of an amazing gamer, she couldn't help but brag.

"Hmp, your skills are no match to my girlfriend's! She'll wipe the floor with your tears when she's done with you." Her girlfriend had mentioned last night she was thinking of signing up for their school's competition and Chloe found out it's different schools battling each other. She had been excited! Her girlfriend shared her excitement and planned to see each other and introduce themselves formally when the competition comes. Chloe wanted to support her girlfriend after all.

Max looks like he stopped working, Adrien is beaming and Marinette is shocked. Wait...

"Girlfriend?!"

"Anything wrong with that, Dupain-Cheng?!"

"What? No, no! Oh god, no! I was just..shocked." so that explains the happy moods. Max still looked shocked. Then again, this was Chloe. It wasn't even the girlfriend part. It was the, uh, someone actually wanted to date Chloe? That wasn't Adrien or some famous celebrity? And Chloe wanted them too?

"Whatever, Dupain-Cheng. My girlfriend is one of the best and she's trying out for the competition and I'll be there to support her! I feel sorry for any of you who'd be up against her."

Chloe rolled her eyes and walked away from the shocked group, muttering how they're definitely going to lose.

"Marinette." Max finally speaks.

"Hmmm?"

"There's a 89% chance you will experience sudden dizziness and faint, but didn't you just tell me you also had a gamer girlfriend who happened to be blonde and is coming to support you?"

Oh. Oh.

"She has ten seconds before she - oh wait, no, she's already fainted. Thank you for catching her, Adrien."

[swimminginyokohamasrivers]

Ooc: guys this is not related to anything at all.

But i was just thinking about my home! Yknow. The south usa! I love the south. And i really wish it was more accepting of queer people cause tbh? No, i dont wanna move out of the south. Its where i grew up and its where i got my accent from and its where i learned everything i know. Like... guys the answer for southern queer ppl is NOT to leave the south. I promise you.

I promise you that is not the answer. The thing we should do is fight for better queer rights there, too...

Also if i get one more sweet home alabama joke made to me i swear to god. Please please please please stop guys....

Also omg. Next time i get mocked for my southern accent ill cry i cant do this anymore yall. Who cares if i say "caint" instead of "cant"... who cares...who cares if i drop letters..

Giggling woukd it be funny if i started typing in my southern accent... would that be funny...

Anyway ask me questions abouts southern usa stuff because. Well. Because i love where i grow up and it actually means so much to me i swear... :( yes it has its downsides but i love it. I love it anyway.

ALSO. I always giggle when i hear bless your heart cause guys. Guys guys guys.... someppl dont quiiiite get the difference between "bless your heart (youre so sweet ily)" and "bless your heart (GOD YOU ARE SO STUPID.)" And it makes me giggle...

Oh and also also. Oops im kinda just yapping. Yall can ignore this ong but anyway. So. Southern ppl sometimes talk with a lot of nuance behind their words. Like they sometimes just do NOT say things how they mean them because. Manners are real big, yknow? Southern hospitality and all that... so i sometimes forget people cant tell that when i say "oh i dunno..." abt something im usually trying to politely decline.. sobs.. this is common with ppl i know irl i swear to you guys i swear...

@kijimha you might be the only person interested in this in the slightest... (PLEASE LET THE @ WORK THIS TIME BRO)

[velvet-games]

intro post

name/pronouns/age/gay shit~

honestly you can call me whatever, but I probably won't know you're talking about me unless you use vel/velvet.

prefer they/it; any pronouns are fine.

non-binary

adult

queer (aego; open to qpr) -- if that doesn't make sense, feel free to ask about it!

what I do/post~

I mostly post fandom stuff, and my original posts include a lot of art + occasional meta. I'm starting write fic too, so that might be a more regular thing in the future :)

other accounts~

@/velvet-games -- explicit nsfw bluesky account, not very active

@/velvetygames -- explicit nsfw twitter/x account, probably gonna stop posting on here

@cornerbytes -- old dragon prince account that I may or may not revisit eventually

@/velvet_games -- ao3 account

tags~

#velvetrambles -- textposts

#my art -- art tag (duh)

#red velvet cake -- aroace-related stuff

nsfw~

I post occasional nsfw here (almost never explicit; that's saved for my bluesky/twitter); it'll be tagged #nsft.

fandoms~

current fandoms: arcane/hazbin hotel

previous fandoms:

hannibal (will always have a very special place in my heart)

ofmd (literally so happy this exists; devastated it's not getting a new season)

the dragon prince (was gonna revisit it when the new season came out but the first couple episodes were kinda boring lmao; should I still give it a shot?)

good omens

lotr

things in media that make me go insane (in a good way)~

friendship

cannibalism

romance that feels like queer-baiting until it isn't (ex. ofmd)

good visuals (even if everything else is shit; extra points if it's animation)

good costume/character design

religious stuff, mythology, angels specifically for some reason (especially when they're terrifying and/or fallen)

gay people

requests~

you are welcome to send in ideas through comments, DMs, asks, etc., but I can't guarantee I'll draw them. if I don't, it doesn't mean that I don't like your idea; I'm probably just busy or have too many brainworms about a specific thing to draw anything but what's on my mind.

notes~

I randomly get really anxious about feedback on stuff sometimes lol, but I promise I read every single comment/tag and cherish them very deeply <33

also, like/rb spamming is totally fine and welcomed! I know some people don't like it, so I just wanted to make it clear that it's completely cool with me.

mutuals~

for a really long time, this was my pinned post, and it's still true! definitely welcome any interactions from mutuals <3

I do have a problem with randomly ghosting people though; I've been much better with it recently, but please try not to take it personally if I don't respond to DMs quickly. I'm probably just being insane and in my head about it. I'm really sorry.

misc~

this is an account that is purposely removed from my irl stuff; I'm here to have fun and relax on my mostly fandom-oriented blog.

I don't block often since I mostly meet nice people on here, but I am very happy to block accounts that make my experience on this app shitty.

I try to tag triggers when appropriate, but please let me know if you need me to tag anything I haven't.

art for me is just a hobby I use for fun and self-expression, so while I really appreciate concrit, keep in mind that my goal is ultimately to make stuff that makes me happy.

I am also very protective of young artists that get made fun of for being beginners or making unconventional art; you should never assume why someone is making art, and you especially should not assume that they are focused on becoming more skilled or making things that are beautiful to you. if they're not hurting anyone and you're not their target audience, get the fuck out.

I am of the mindset that media is not real, but that your reaction/the things you learn are. liking cannibal media does not make you a cannibal, but seeing bigoted portrayals of minorities can feed your biases (doesn't necessarily mean you can't consume it; does mean its effect on you/others irl should factor into if/how you decide to interact with it).

most important thing: have fun! tumblr is silly and should be treated as such.

[mdverse]

If you are still playing: 23, 24, 25 and thank you!

23: the fandom you're curious about because of a mutual

hmmm maybe wwdits? @starpawedart posts such lovely art that i keep feeling like i must be missing out. but i also don't have the energy to check out sth new these days lol

24: how has fandom positively impacted your life?

oh hmm. not to get too open and vulnerable on main again but i think fandom genuinely saved my life. and continues to. not gonna delve into details there bc that's not stuff i feel like sharing publicly but. idk overall i feel very lucky to have found glee when i did. i've met so many wonderful people through glumblr (and through other fandoms i've been in), even if i end up staying kinda distant online (approaching people is so scary lmao) and it's nice to have a space where i can just be silly and make art and talk about stuff i enjoy with people who get it. most of my irl friends aren't deep into fandom so being in fandom online feels very freeing and less lonely

and on a less personal note i think my silly little hyperfixation on glee has allowed me to make leaps and bounds as an artist! i push myself more and more to try new things and i can definitely see a huge amount of improvement over the years. i don't think 2020!me would've imagined being able to make the kind of art i make now as quickly as it happened. turns out the best way to learn was fanart all along!

25: a piece of advice for taking care of yourself in fandom spaces

fandom spaces can be really overwhelming, for a variety of reasons! i think sometimes it really helps to just. take time away. filter out the things that are adding stress or making u unhappy, don't engage with them. fandom is supposed to be fun and if it stops feeling that way there's really nothing wrong with stepping away for as long as u need to. it'll be there waiting whenever ur ready to come back, if u do decide to come back! (and if u decide not to come back, that's ok too!) :)

love ur fandom asks

[hootbon]

IMPROMPTU BON SUPPORT:

"I was deficient in braincells" and "I was a dumbass kid back then that made cringe content."

ATDSS, Bon. All Teens Do Stupid Stuff. If anyone ever looks back at their life and doesn't admit to some cringe, they're lying.

The simple fact is: kids and teens do cringey stuff. I was a hyper, Invader Zim quoting Gamer-kid who itched for THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE to kick off and my irl bestie? She had an Organization XIII name (Which I still call her sometimes) and hooded trench coat to go with it, and she more than once printed off Naruto yaoi fanfics at school, once accidentally to the main office. That doesn't even scratch the surface lol.

When we look back and laugh and cringe at it all, it's because we've grown to know that a lot of what we did was socially unacceptable. But the most important part is to forgive yourself because, at the time, you were probably doing your best!

And even better: after you forgive your old cringe-ass self, you learn to embrace it. "Fuck yeah I was a dumb kid who sang the doom song at 300 decibels, lil me was having the time of his short life! Fuck yeah I'm a grown-ass adult talking about jester-shaped blorbos, that bitch makes my heart happier than it's been in years!"

So long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else: do you, my dude, and love doing it. Life's too short to hate on your old self.

WAAAAA

I know I know, everyone tells me that and i know, being stupid is a part of life. As much as I might have hated the content I put out in the past, I still like to keep it with me, like my scratch account, my older tumblrs (you’ll never find them), even my old ass deviant art account I stopped using. Hell I even keep the sketchbooks I had all the way from 3rd grade. I’ll keep telling people I was cringe and idiotic but mostly I never mean it as much as I word it

But.. thank you.. these words made me feel better to hear another person say

[baenyth]

Bethany's Bizarre Miraculous Reviews Episode 4-15: Glaciator 2

Alright, Chat learns to respect women! Yippee!!!

They're uncomfortable with the irl shipping. Good.

So is the ice cream man no longer rhyming? Weak.

It's Prime Queen all over again. I like it.

Honestly I get that. He was just pissing her off while trying to date her. He had it coming.

Honestly I can really see both sides of the situation. Chat is madly in love with Ladybug he just can't stop thinking about it while Ladybug doesn't reciprocate his feelings and his love for her has been shown to repeatedly hamper their battles (Glaciator 1, Frozer, Oblivio)

Based, albeit a bit exaggerated. What a teenager would do.

"You can't do this to me" She can and she should. No more shipping irl people. No more out-of-context photos. Also no more Lila because Ladybug and Lila hate eachother but at the same time the show keeps on forgetting Lila exists. Also when's Alya supposed to still believe Lila despite knowing Marinette is Ladybug? That was a big thing people talked about and yet I haven't heard any of it. We're halfway through the season.

Are they friends again? Are they friends again!?

"Ooh, someone to akumat-is that my son!? What the hell! He was supposed to get home!"

Savage girlboss Marinette my beloved

Marinette, no.

Oh. It's a dream sequence.

That was more disappointing than I thought.

At least give him the gift, you moron.

Wow, even when she's trying to get Marinette to date Adrien I can't stop loving Kagami's girlboss nature.

Tough choice. I think most of your friends harbor some sort of crush on you. My choices would be Juleka, Mylene, or Ivan personally. They're love people, they don't have any chance of attraction. Also Alix since she's aro.

Well, at least he's destroying the irl shipping.

Live cat reaction

How'd Marinette get those three suns in her? First Bridgette, now this.

Wow, Marinette's super chill about Chat Noir being out and about. That one fic was wrong.

Well at least she's a bit aware of how controlling she can be.

This is all in the same day!?

Alright, Hawkmoth's quips are getting better.

Has the animation quality gone up or did they just implement fluid physics for the ice cream blobs?

The coolest lucky charm

Nerd

Wait, so is Kagami part of the girlsquad now?

Good episode! Character development! I'm sure that they'll give Marinette an episode where she learns to be less of a stal-they won't. I know they won't. I don't know why I keep typing this stuff. Is it so I can at least have the delusion of it happening? What's wrong with me?