#disorderly eating

[librarycards]

hi cavar, i remember a while ago you posting like resources or places you looked online in your search for an abolitionist/antipsych therapist? i tried searching your blog but came up short & am wondering if you can relink to where you talked about that. ty!!

hello! i don't recall making a masterpost of this, but here are a few resources

The National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network

Inclusive Therapists - Directory explicitly anti-colonial, pro-landback/Free Palestine, and anti-cops in "care".

Body Reborn (Madppl of color, especially disorderly eaters)/Project Heal ($$ for ed care for economically marginalized people, including people denied formal diagnoses)

A nascent project - the Liberatory Wellness Directory, almost fully funded and I think promising/worth following along with.

I owe my knowledge of a lot of these resources to my therapist-colleague-friend, Jennie Wang-Hall, whose website has more (esp. for disorderly eaters and/or asian diaspora ppl) resources for therapy, peer support, books, anti-carceral crisis lines, etc.

i found jennie through word of (Mad) mouth, so don't be afraid to ask ppl you know and trust if they know anyone. i have recommended jennie to *many* people.

[campgender]

you will not regret

two package of freeze dried appy slices

[librarycards]

especially given that the culture of medical/psychiatric ableism facilitates the blaming of people with eds for our GI problems. either we “caused them ourselves” or are pathological “fakers”. an approach that takes into consideration multiply disabled ppl with eds, especially those of us with GI disorders, must be based in trust in & respect for our self-knowledge

I think there is a massive hole in ED treatment and recovery, aka the people who have EDs that developed alongside/partially in reaction to gastrological symptoms. We cannot be helped without a holistic approach.

[appl3-juice-box]

When someone starts looking at food labels, asking for gum, and drinking water non stop, that isn't them being healthy or going on a diet. Its a cry for help, and major signs of an eating disorder.

[skellitivly-positive]

Fulfilled.

Again!! This isn't a kink work, please don't treat it like it is!!1

Cw!! This does cover disorderly eating and restricting, stay safee! ❇

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Horror had a habit of overfeeding the others, while underfeeding himself. Murder and Killer would go to bed in sweat pants or athletic shorts, bellies full and eyes sleepy. Anything leftover stored away by the big guy himself, not wanting to 'take' any more leftovers incase the others wanted more.

Of course, his two mates noticed almost immediately. Noticed how for a guy so tall, his ecto wouldn't even summon due to his self induced malnourishment.

So one day, Killer decided to do something about it. Firing up the stove and using whatever recipe came up first in Horror's cook book.

Meanwhile, Murder napped atop Horror in a cat like fashion, awaiting Killer to be done and knowing the taller was unaware.

Once Killer was done with what turned out to be meatloaf, grilled vegetables, with mashed potatoes, Murder awoke the sleepy Horror and guided him into the kitchen. Taking his own seat next to the bigger fellow.

Horror seemed both distraught and surprised Killer had cooked, insisting he could've done it. But Killer protested his words, saying he was glad Horror just napped, and he should let someone else handle things awhile.

So Horror was served a rather large serving, bigger than Killer or Murder ever get. Murder leaned into Horror's side, as Horror stares down at the plate in near horror. But not wanting to offend Killer, he hesitantly takes a bite.

And loved it.

As Horror enjoyed his fill, Killer told Horror there was one rule to eating his dinner, getting an expression that mimicked a raised eyebrow.

Killers rule was Horror had to eat until he was full. Not one serving because that's what was 'acceptable'. No lying about not being hungry anymore—Horror had to eat until he was genuinely satisfied with his meal.

And Horror protested, saying he'd eat way too much. So Killer put it in perspective. Saying that they were all in a position where they didn't have to rely on leftovers. There wouldn't be a day where they'd suddenly be out of food—Horror, all of them could eat literally everything in the fridge tonight, and could shopping for more an hour later.

They aren't starving.

And that's when the big guy realized, the only one that's been starving was him. So set on making sure everyone else was satisfied with how much they got to eat, he'd restrict himself as much as he could.

Looking down with mild anxiety at his empty plate...

He asked for seconds.

Horror belongs to @/horrortalecomic!

Killer belongs to @/rahafwabas!

Murder belongs to @/ask-dusttale!

Remember my works are not undertum! Please do not sexualize a healthy relationship with food and body!

[battry-acid]

avatarsona >:))) its name is artry and it eats people

[librarycards]

My therapist, Jennie Wang-Hall, is a leader in the abolitionist/harm-reduction ED field (her resource list) (her instagram).

@trans-axolotl is another trusted comrade in discussions of disorderly eating, abolition, and harm reduction.

I am open to answering questions from those looking for support with restrictive AN, "severe & persistent" (as it were) body dysmorphia (BDD), and compulsive exercise, as well as the intersection of these and "psychosis" as these are my areas of experience. (I use a lot of scare quotes because I'm Me, but I'm here for you regardless of how you choose to self-describe).

I agree with charlie on the utility –– however limited and qualified –– of "pro" spaces. One qualifier that I will add –– and it's a big one –– is that these spaces are pretty much uniformly anti-fat/fatphobic, and that even their nominal support of those who want to minimize potentially risky behavior generally ends at perceived "fatness." If you are a fat person living with disorderly/risky eating, I implore you to think very carefully before seeking these places out, for reasons that I actually outline in the piece cited above.

Do you perhaps have any resources on a harm reduction approach to disordered eating? it's been tough to find specific of this online and conventional websites only offer "talk to your loved one about what they feel" or either going to the GP. Certainly haven't found resources to help when you are not someone's parent/teacher/etc

the search function on this website is abysmal so i can't find the post but @transmutationisms wrote a very detailed summary of harm reduction tactics for disordered eating!

@librarycards has an entry in the psychiatric survivor zine called "Refuse!" which touches on the themes, as well as going into how to reduce your own fatphobia while still engaging in ED behaviors

Saving Our Own Lives has some chapters on it but i don't find them to be super comprehensive, quite honestly

there is some useful info in this Filter Mag article, as well as some background on why harm reduction is pushed back against in the ED field

Gloria Lucas' nonprofit Nalgona Positivity Pride has this as one of their focuses

while i wouldn't necessarily suggest seeking them out (at least evaluate what is/isn't going to be detrimental for you), the first place i ever encountered harm reduction for anything was in "pro" spaces (don't really want to type it out + get this post flagged). i wouldn't trust any information about nutrition you see in those spaces, but there are often threads about safer purging, specific scenarios, signs of common health effects + how ppl make them more manageable, etc. unfortunately, barring individual blogs on tumblr, these are the only places i can think of that you would be able to ask extremely specific questions + get a serious, non-condescending reply in a timely manner without being banned or reported (you are welcome to ask me specific questions + i can answer based on my personal experiences)

[trans-axolotl]

eating disorders can cause seizures???? I’ve never heard that before

content warning: continued in depth discussion of disorderly eating, restrictive eating behaviors, refeeding syndrome, and specific physical effects. no specific numbers are listed. scientific sources are linked.

it happens pretty rarely. what i was talking about in the tags of another post was referring to something that happened to a friend because of refeeding syndrome. refeeding syndrome can happen when someone has been restricting food intake pretty severally and then reestablishes nutrition again. this can happen to people at any weight and size, and it's actually a huge issue in eating disorder treatment because fatphobic doctors sometimes don't take into account the risks of refeeding syndrome when they're only using fatphobic metrics like BMI instead of actually looking at the patterns of behavior and nutrient levels. because of the electrolyte + fluid shifts that happen when you're going from extreme restriction to regular intake again, refeeding syndrome can cause things like seizures, cardiac complications, and can be fatal. here's an scientific study that talks more about it (TW for continued eating disorder talk, specific calories, numbers, etc)

so it's really important that when people are reengaging with food and nutrition after long periods of restriction and malnutrition, that they have access to vitamin + electrolyte supplementation, and that they have the support to understand how to taper back up to slowly increasing nutrition intake to prevent refeeding syndrome. that applies to anyone, regardless of weight or bmi. it also applies to anyone who is re-accessing nutrition after a long period of malnutrition caused by things other than eating disorders, such as chronic illnesses or famine.

i went through refeeding syndrome and luckily my doctors caught it in time to supplement my potassium and electrolyte levels enough that i didn't have very severe effects beyond cardiac effects. it was really scary and felt really horrible, and has left me with some complications even months later.

so yeah, it can be a really serious and fatal complication with eating disorders and i honestly think that it's one of the most important things to know in harm reduction for eating disorders so that people can understand how to prevent some risks related to accessing to nutrition while also in active restriction. people need to understand the specific risks so that people can make more informed decisions about what steps they can take to prevent refeeding syndrome, how to support their body even if they aren't ready for full recovery or to stop using behaviors.

[ghostlover4life]

you can be anorexic and bulimic. :)))

god knows I am!!!!

also it’s not possible to be a “fake” anorexic :) if you have an ed causing/driving you to fix to it calorically you probably have an ED in my opinion and there’s nothing wrong with that!!!! :)))!

why did this actually make me feel a bit better about my ED.

[mo0nl0v3r]

Counting calories is the only reason i passed algebra

[librarycards]

Do you know how stop obsessing over calories (look at pictures of food and watch videos of people in hospital) easier than "Just Start Eating More"? Every person says "Well, eat more and you will not think of it so much". I am not from U.S and harm reduction is not even in my language. Doctors here do not know this concept and it is thought "You do not eat so now you are sick. Go to the hospital or eat with parents". I learn about harm reduction on Tumblr and forums but I do not find an answer to make it easier. Maybe it does not be easier. If this is so, I understand, but I think of it often.

Oy. If I had a fix for calories, you can bet i'd be screaming it from the rooftops. that said, I have gotten to a place where I can look at food a Normal Amount and not watch those awful before & afters and the like, so i'm including below a few recs that don't involve (for example) eating more, decreasing activity, and other traditional 'recovery' methods.

find a new, niche/weird thing to watch videos about. seriously. get obsessed with some hobby or subculture and fill your ig, etc. feed with those! i went through a phase where i'd just watch flight attendant vlogs. i also love "draw/paint/package things with me" videos. Ideally, these would be videos where the person's body wasn't constantly centered.

relatedly - when i was really fixated on peoples' hospital stays and bodies and tubes and stuff, it was because i was lonely. i was desperate for someone who actually shared this experience with me, because i hadn't processed it yet. the best way to address this takes time, but is very worth it: make friends. irl and online. make friends with people who have shared experiences and are good listeners, but are also fun to talk to about other things.

if you do want to keep watching videos about food, you can reduce harm by watching people who promote positive and curious relationships with food! emmymadeinjapan on youtube is one example of this. the baker Erin McDowell is another.

forgive yourself, and make space for doing things partway + in grey areas. this was. like. the hardest thing for me: i spent so much time early on either eating everything on my plate or, if one element was too scary, eating none of it. this isn't a realistic way to approach anything in life! i don't know how old you are or how much of your diet you currently control, but if you are able to decide what's on your plate, make it a mix of things you know you can eat and things you're not sure about.

or, build in a time of day where you try a new snack, even if you aren't able to do it every time. the point is creating new habits -- habits in which you give yourself permission to eat. not because you are required to, but because you have important and meaningful things to do with your life + you need to eat in order to be alive for them!

honestly, there's only so much advice I can give beyond simply gritting your teeth and Doing the Thing. it fucking sucks, and it hurts, but it's much easier when you have warm people in your life who understand, and ways of entertaining yourself that are attendant to your experience but not completely mired in it. this is an important reminder that you're a regular person who can have a variety of regular interests! this is a part of you, but it does not wholly define you, and you have a whole life to live and relationships + hobbies to explore beyond this focus on calories + institutions.

[campgender]

woke up shaking violently (didn’t eat enough yesterday for illness reasons) but after consuming approximately one million gummy snacks things seem to have stabilized

[sincurse]

I just don't feel good.

And I think I'm turning food repulsed agaiiiiiiin. I've only eaten a few cookies and some soup the past two days. My mom asked me what we're having for dinner and all of her suggestions turned my stomach.

[major-fukkup]

I feel so hungry and weak but I also feel like I will throw up if I eat a single thing I can get at work

Thinking about it I think all I had yesterday was like 8 cookies and the day before that I don't even know

I'm just glad that after today I'm off for three days so if I still can't eat at least I don't have to work an 8 hour shift

Getting through church tomorrow will be hell if I'm hungry but I will manage

[stonersap]

.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

more words for characterization (pt. 2)

Attributes of behavior: [A-D] abstemious, accident-prone, acid, acrimonious, adamant, affable, affectionate, agreeable, aimless, aloof, amuck, animated, anxious, arbitrary, ardent, arrogant, ascetic, attentive, austere, avid, backhanded, bad, barbarian, barbarous, beaming, belligerent, big, blindly, boisterous, bossy, brassy, brazen, brusque, cagey, calm, capricious, casual, cavalier, cheeky, chill, chummy, clumsy, cocky/cocksure, combative, comic/comical, compassionate, complaisant, compulsive, conciliatory, considerate, contemptuous, contrary, convivial, cordial, corrupt, courageous, courtly, cowardly, crabby/crabbed, cranky, craven, crotchety, cruel, cunning, daring, dauntless, debonair, decent, decided, defensive, defiant, deliberately, delightful, delirious, demure, detached, diffident, disagreeable, disarming, discreet, disgruntled, disinterested, disobedient, disorderly, disputatious, disruptive, dissolute, distraught, divisive, doctrinaire, dolorous, doting, double-dealing, draconian

[E-J] eager, easy, edgy, effervescent, emotionless, envious, equable, evasive, even-tempered, excitable, exuberant, faithful, fake, false, fanatical, favorably, fearful, feigned, ferocious, fervent/fervid, fickle, fiery, finicky, flamboyant, flighty, flirtatious, foolhardy, foolishly, forceful, forward, fractious, freely, fretful, frivolous, fussy, gamely, genteel, glacial, gluttonous, goody-goody, graceless, grandiose, gritty, gruff, gung ho, halfhearted, hardhearted, haram-scarum, headstrong, hearty, helpless, high and mighty, high-handed, high-strung, holier-than-thou, hot, huffy, humble, hypocritical, idle, ill-mannered, ill-natured, ill-tempered, impatient, impertinent, impolite, importunate, impudent, inactive, inconsiderate, ingratiating, inhuman/inhumane, innocuous, insidious, insubordinate, intractable/intransigent, introverted, invidious, irreconcilable, irreverent, jaded, jaunty, jazzed-up, jovial, jumpy

[K-R] keen, kittenish, lax, lecherous, lethargic, liberal, lifeless, light-headed, litigious, lofty, loquacious, loud, loving, Machiavellian, maladroit, malicious, mannered, martial, mean, meat-eating, menacing, merciful, mercurial, militant, mischievous, miserly, mousy, munificent, naive, nasty, naughty, neglectful, neighborly, nervy, nomadic, noncompliant, nonconformist, nosy, obedient, obliging, obsequious, obtrusive, offhand, on edge, on purpose, orderly, ostentatious, overbearing, overwrought, parsimonious, passionate, peevish, pent-up, peppy, peripatetic, permissive, pert, petulant, philosophical/philosophic, phobic, pitiless, plaintive, playful, plucky, politic, pompous, pragmatic, precipitous/precipitate, predatory, presumptuous, prickly, prissy, profane, prompt, propitious, provident, prudish, puerile, pumped, puritanical, quarrelsome, quick-tempered, racy, raffish, rash, ready, rebellious, reckless, regardful, relentless, remiss, remorseless, renegade, repugnant, resigned, responsible, restful, restrained, retiring, revolutionary, rocky, rollicking, rootin’-tootin’, rousing, rude, runaway, ruthless

[S-Z] safe, sanctimonious, sassy, savage, scintillating, secluded, self-conscious, self-righteous, sentimental, serpentine, severe, shameful, sheepish, shifty, short-sighted, shy, simple, sincere, skittish, slippery, sluggish, small, smooth, snappy, snide, snooty, sober, soft, solid, sophomoric, spineless, spontaneous, sporting/sportive, sprightly, square, staid, starchy, staunch, stealthy, stiff, stingy, stoic/stoical, stony, strained, strait-laced, strenuous, stringent, stuck-up, suave, submissive, subversive, supercilious, supine, surly, sympathetic, tactful, tame, tearful, tempestuous, tender, tense, thankful, theatrical, thieving/thievish, thoughtless, tight, tipsy, touchy, traitorous, treasonous, truculent, true-blue, turbulent, two-faced, unaffected, unasked, unattached, unbridled, uncivilized, uncontrollable, uncouth, undependable, underhand, unemotional, unfriendly, unguarded, unintentional/unintended, unkind, unmerciful, unprejudiced, unreasonable, unrelenting, unruly, unseemly, unsettled, unsophisticated, unsympathetic, untoward, unwary, unwise, unworldly, uppity, urbane, vainglorious, valorous, vengeful, vibrant, vicious, vigilant, violent, virile, vital, volatile, wacky, wanton, warm, wary, watchful, wayward, well-bred, wicked, willful, wily, winning/winsome, witless, yellow, zany, zealous

NOTE

The above are concepts classified according to subject and usage. It not only helps writers and thinkers to organize their ideas but leads them from those very ideas to the words that can best express them.

It was, in part, created to turn an idea into a specific word. By linking together the main entries that share similar concepts, the index makes possible creative semantic connections between words in our language, stimulating thought and broadening vocabulary.

Source ⚜ Writing Basics & Refreshers ⚜ On Vocabulary ⚜ Part 1