#like okay yeah you’re right
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asked my supervisor today if i was a good person and she was like “komal go to therapy”
#like okay yeah you’re right#she was like ‘that’s trauma!!!’#she also spent the whole supervision session just letting me cry#she’s so nice i was just a mess#lmao#komal talks
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Have you thought about hiragi teaching Kaji and sako how to pleasure someone using you, his lovely free use girlfriend.
I actually haven’t, but I have thought about Kaji getting his first ever girlfriend, and he’s so nervous when it comes to taking the next step— but luckily for him he’s got his best friend and mentor Hiragi to ask for help pleasuring you.
And Hiragi is more than willing to help him out.
Like, just imagine you’ve already had sex with Kaji, and it was good and he made you feel comfortable but he definitely did not make you cum. And it’s okay right? Because sex is like that, it’s realistic— but the thought eats away at Kaji, especially when he came in under five minutes.
So he goes to Hiragi and asks what he can do to make himself last longer, or at the very least make you cum.
And Hiragi gives him loads of different options, different things to try— but somehow it still doesn’t really go to plan. So Kaji asks Hiragi if he’d come and join you both— to show him what to do, and to actually make you cum.
#can you just imagine Hiragi treating you SO carefully? like ‘is this okay?’ ‘I’m not hurting you right?’ ‘feels good yeah?’#while simultaneously talking to Kaji like you’re not even in the room#and Kaji asks so many questions back too while he sucks all the answers up with a sponge#and just like laying your back against Hiragi’s chest while Kaji fucks into you??? sigh#Kaji thirst#wind breaker thirst#jo thirsts#thirst posts
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temporary buddies
#ffxiv#ffxiv wol#geese art#ffxiv estinien#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#okay their whole deal. they don’t get along rn. like at all#me the player? i love estinien#kiril cannot fucking stand him and vice versa#they just no notttt like each other#when estinien is calling u a friend when ur about to. hm#heavensward spoilers#about tk fight nidhogg#i read that as him being like super passive aggressive LOL#bc kiril has background w the heretics#the entire time they were traveling together kiril would just kinda grumble abt estinien being wrong abt everything#until obv they eventually found out. uh oh kiril has also been wrong about everything#and estinien was like HAH. vindication. now u see.#n like this whole time estinien’s been like you’re wasting your strength when u could be using it for the fucking city thays protecting you#asshole.#so when kiril has no choice but to fight for ishgard w no like. alternative reason#estinien’s like yeah BUDDY. come and fight with someone who’s RIGHT#PAL.#DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE.#SORRY I GRADUATED TODAY. YOU ONOW HOW IT IS.#i’ll elaborate tomorrow if anyone’s interested. whatever#i realize i have to elaborate on my ocs if i want people to be interested in them#vicious cycle
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The scene of Anakin turning back to the Light and saving Luke is such a beautiful scene in so many ways, but especially from a character standpoint.
If you look at Darth Vader just in the movies, he doesn’t do things without a plan. He has a step two. Even if his step two is immensely dumb, he always seems to at least have some form of an idea where he wants to end up; he has a point B he’s trying to reach.
Part of what makes Vader a terrifying villain is that he always seems to anticipate what his opponent will do. He seems to know what they’ll do before they even think about what they’ll do. Very rarely is Darth Vader ever taken by surprise. Darth Vader is the character who proves how scary the Force can be. While Palpatine uses his Force lightning and can predict what his opponents will do, he never quite reaches the level Anakin is on, he never reaches that peak of knowing the next five steps his opponent is going to take, even as those next five steps change.
Palpatine doesn’t see Vader turning on him coming. Palpatine is not a Force user who can see the future, he uses the predictions Darth Plagueis made and he sticks to the outline provided by his former Master. He does everything he does and believes everything will be fine and has complete confidence in himself because Plagueis was just that good at predicting the future.
Darth Vader literally changes the future. He makes those predictions false. Him throwing Palpatine down a reactor shaft wasn’t in the books, him choosing his son wasn’t an option, the idea that a Sith lord as powerful as Darth Vader could turn back from the Dark Side is believed by the Jedi and Sith alike to be impossible. Darth Vader himself doesn’t even believe that he can turn back from the Dark Side. The only character who ever believes that Darth Vader can come back is Luke.
Darth Vader is fifteen steps ahead of his opponents. It’s very rare that he ever gets surprised. He always has a plan.
But when he saves Luke, he isn’t any of that. He leaps in without a plan, without any ideas of where he’s goung. He doesn’t know what will happen except that he’ll probably die. He doesn’t have a way out of this. This is the first time Anakin Skywalker ever does anything without already having a way out or immediately being able to come up with a way out.
Anakin was hotheaded and impulsive, yes, but Anakin from his introduction always has a plan B. And when he doesn’t have a plan B, he makes one. He is by far the most competent character in Star Wars, just from his ability to get himself and others out of trouble.
In the moment of turning back from the Dark, Anakin is listening to the Force. He’s listening to the Force as it tells him to save someone. The universal call to the Jedi, the inexplicable push that all Jedi feel and what ultimately led to the majority of Jedi dying, just because they couldn’t not listen when the Force told them to help. Anakin finally listens to it, finally answers it, he finally acts like a Jedi.
There’s no step two. There’s no way out. Doing this will end in his death. Darth Vader is already injured, and the only one who has the resources to put him back together is Sidious. To save Luke, Vader has to step into the lightning, which he knows all to well will ruin his suit. Choosing to save Luke is tantamount to choosing to die.
And he does it. He hesitates, but ultimately, he sacrifices himself for someone else. He goes in knowing that this won’t end with him being able to get out. He has no way out. There’s no plan B. His suit has gone from keeping him alive to being part of the reason he’s dying. He takes off his helmet accepting that he’ll die and being happy to die because he’s finally at peace, he finally feels the warmth of the Force, he finally sees his son with his own eyes, his son is finally looking at him with nothing but trust and worry for his wellbeing, he’s right where he wants to be.
He went from wanting to posess Luke to just being happy that Luke is there with him. That Luke is the one by his side when he dies, that he’s dying on the same side as Luke — Anakin is fine with this. He’s ready to die. He’s accepted it. He’s just happy that the last thing he’ll see is the product of his and Padme’s love for each other.
The scenes of Anakin in Return of the Jedi are beautiful. The title “Return of the Jedi” is so great for this movie, it’s perfect, okay, you don’t understand. It has so many meanings!! The Jedi returning could be referring to Luke, the main Jedi we follow, returning to the screen, or to Tatooine. It could be referring to the Jedi Order, since Luke takes on Yoda’s request to share his knowledge with others and, with Sidious dead, the Jedi Order has functionally returned, even if it is only one member strong. It could refer to Yoda returning, it could refer to Obi-Wan returning.
Or, Return of the Jedi could be referring to Anakin. Anakin Skywalker, the son of the Force. Anakin Skywalker, the only character powerful enough to change the future itself, the only Sith Lord powerful enough to stop being a Sith Lord. Anakin Skywalker, who has always done impossible things, who has always performed impossible feats, who is himself impossible. And he’s back. He’s returned. The Jedi returned.
#star wars#anakin skywalker#darth vader#luke skywalker#return of the jedi#star wars original trilogy#the inane ramblings of a madman#woke up thinkin about him#anakin my love my darling my blorbo#my baby my girl my boy my baby my dear my dearest darling my utmost affection#will stand here on my soapbox and say#the scene of vader turning on palpatine is the best scene ever made ever#it’s dramatic it’s daring it’s beautiful it’s meaningful it’s amazing#it’s a turning point that turns the entire galaxy on its head#the force is over there like a soccer mom screaming ‘fuck yeah that’s my boy!!!!’#and i am right there beside it#anakin my darling you’re doing amazing you’re showstopping you’re perfect i love yo-#anyway star wars was pretty good huh#a okay movies if you ask me#i’m so glad#that anakin killed palpatine#he def kill palps#nothing disproves that he killed palps#palps is dead for good and never coming back#anakin did great i’m so proud of him#so glad palpatine is dead yup dead and gone no doubt#sequel? you mean the movies where the main antagonist#turned out to be a dry piece of toast?#yes of course i remember dryth toastatine in the sequels#do glad ani killed sidious so dryth toastatine could rise
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the reason why bejeweled feels very calvin to me still is how it parallels high infidelity. in general, the 3am tracks seem to explore a darker, more explicit side of a storyline that’s already present, if only in the form of subtext (like we don’t have a direct parallel for wcs, but we do have two songs exploring formative past relationships vaguely sexually, and wcs is the darker example), on the main album, and bejeweled/high infidelity is perhaps the best example of this. its similarities to tolerate it, which is about something she felt ‘at one point in her life,’ back this up. HOWEVER, I do think it’s exploring a potential outcome of the then-current state of her relationship with joe. like, this is how things could go - I have forgotten that I have a man in the past, and I can do it again.
#it is not fully joe and anyone who comes to me with bUt ToLeRaTe It Is ClEaRlY a JoE sOnG#no it’s not#it’s literally just not#I don’t see that dynamic at all#‘you’re so much older and wiser’#they weren’t having the greatest time in fall 2020 but it’s not bc she was watching him sleep#are there shades of how she felt yeah okay maybe but I honestly don’t even think she saw it that way at the time#the parts about putting someone on a pedestal and using your best colors to paint their portrait was always interesting though#but I digress#bejeweled#tolerate it#high infidelity#midnights#ttpd#I actually had an argument about tolerate it in a tiktok comment section once (not my wisest moment) and this person was like ‘oh but I wasn#talking about specific people in her personal life!!!! just her music’ the deflection#like if you want to draw parallels between her songs go right ahead#but#own up to it#have a backbone#sorry I’m sleepy#anyway my beloved muricans are asleep and my dash is quiet now
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It's VERY close to what I was thinking off😭😭 but in those ones he looks like a music or art teacher kinda thing😨
Anyways
English teacher Frumk Oreo
He's so. so like. Oh lord
OH THIS FRANKIE YES i agree he IS so~🎃
#fuck okay yeah the former can be music teacher frank and this can be english teacher frank#or like college english TA#just fucking#and you’re so right#UGH he’s so#frnkiebby#oddvanilla#frank iero#mcr#frnkiero#mcrmy#frnkie#mcr5#my chemical romance#my chem#ilhsm
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11pm in manchester airport plane landed at 10pm after being DELAYED AND ANNOYING AND EVERYTHING WRONG WITH RYANAIR for over an hour. when is my train home from this godforsaken city you ask? 5am. good job im stuck in arrivals where there are no coffee shops or even regular charging ports haha. so glad to be spending the next six hours sat by the squeaky baggage claim machine. thank god my mum was sympathetic about it right haha… right????
#YELLINGGGG GET ME OUTTTT OF HEREEEE#WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO DO FOR 6 HOURS 😭#like yeah if i could amble about duty free coffee shops for a bit like i originally planned I’d be golden a bit bored but fine#BUT THIS??? THIS LOOKS LIKE THE BACKROOMS IVE BEEN HERE ONE HOUR AND WANT TO END IT ALL#WHY IS THIS AIRPORT LIKE THIS 😭 MANCHESTER THIS IS WHY NO ONE WANT YOU FR#called my mum like ‘I’m not being dumb right there’s no shops or anything after arrivals it’s just the exit’#bc if I leave arrivals I am NOT allowed to re-enter so I won’t even get this dogshit area that is at least indoors and covered#so I’m NOT chancing that shit#and she was SO FUCKING UNHELPFULLL she literally was just like ‘I dunno’ & when I complained she went ‘what were you expecting? a hotel?’#LIKE GIRL THE REASON IM HERE ON MY OWN IS BC THE FRIEND THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY AT THE AIRPORT WITH ME HAD TO MAKE OTHER PLANS#BC HER PARENTS LITERALLY WERENT OKAY WITH HER STAYING HERE FOR SO LONG LIKE THAT#IM LITERALLY A YOUNG GIRL ALONE IN THE AIRPORT FOR THE NEXT 6 HOURS AND NOT EVEN THE PART OF THE AIRPORT YOURE SUPPOSED TO WAIT IN#THAT’S WEIRD. YOU’RE WEIRD#I DO NOT KNOW THIS CITY. LIKE THAT IS AN IMPORTANT DETAIL I DO NOT KNOW MANNY AND IM ALONE AND IT’S NIGHTTIME. WHAT THE FUCK AND HELL#AT LEAST BE FUCKING NICE OH MY GODDD#anyway. just saw a jesus i bet on losing dogs edit. what was that about
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people will be like “omg body positivity <3 you’re beautiful you would be loved you just the way you are <3” and then criticize individuals who shave their vaginas
#rambles.#i don’t personally shave like that#and like i don’t sexually desire vagina so i don’t exactly have a preference for what other people do#but i feel like some shit i see regarding this goes a little too far#even if some of it is just joking#okay sure you like bush awesome great#but have you considered that making people feel like shit about what they do/how they look is perhaps not the best way to go about it?#i mean you’re kinda going full 360 here. shaming people over shit just like men supporting the bald pussy agenda and whatnot#like yeah okay body hair is natural and shaving isn’t. we shouldn’t feel pressured#but i don’t think anyone should be shamed either way#because you know what also isn’t technically natural? tattoos and piercings and all the other shit we decide to do to our bodies#anyways yeah#reactively going in the opposite direction of something but using similar methods isn’t really making the right progress imo#you’re just going in a circle#this applies to SO many things btw#let’s just be nice. and also evaluate how closely we hold onto things like preferences for physical characteristics#which are not what it’s all about at the end of the day. don’t even get me started#thanks for coming to my talk
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So I was reading articles about John Hurt (as I do when I procrastinate on life in general lol) and I saw a still shot of a movie I’ve never seen still shots of before; so I looked it up. It’s a play. I was worried I wouldn’t find it in full online; but I did, so here it is in all its glory:
youtube
He’s just… ugh I want to gently hold his face in my hands he’s just so sad and lonely with his weepy voice and eye bags. I couldn’t process half of what he said but I think this is a warning about always speed-running through life to get to the next good thing. We should appreciate the moment; because in the end, we’ll have nothing at all but our memories. If we rush through life, we won’t have any memories to keep us warm at night when the chill of death creeps up on us in our old age.
Also, spool, spooooooooooollll…….
spoooooooooooooooooooooolllllll [cackles in mentally unstable]
@kaleidoscopr @theindo @possessedbydevils @randomtwospirit
#The fucking banana. I was talking to him through the screen like#“…a banana??? You keep bananas in…. there? You good man? A—are you okay?#What the hell are y—” [cracks up but quickly stops laughing] “Oh— oh honey… you’re not right are you?#No you’re not right. Uh…. Why don’t you sit down; your breathing sounds awful. You sound like you’re gonna die…#OH GOD [loses my shit laughing/cringing ] “Oh— oh ouch. No no no— I’m not laughing at you I just— I like your actor…#a lot… too much probably#and he’s just good at what he does and the timing of it all… this is exactly how I act when I’m home alone#I swear I’m not laughing at you… I just— PUT THAT BANANA BACK YOU’RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF”#John Hurt#stage acting#Krapp’s Last Tape (2001)#Samuel Beckett#Yeah… funky stage play. Very moving and dreamlike#[This is me gently holding Mr. Krapp and rotating him in my mind like a bowl of ramen in a microwave]#Screaming crying throwing up beating the walls#I am unwell#Ough ough ough#It’s not difficult for me to watch per se#but I’m very much the kind of person who HAS to help when someone’s having a hard time doing something#— especially if they’re old or otherwise infirm — or I’ll feel like a piece of shit for weeks… and this fucking man#this fucking man is so good at being frail and pitiful that I feel genuinely agitated that I can’t reach into the screen and help him#It’s like the torture scene in 1984 all over again where he just barely manages to wrench himself upright on the table#then immediately falls off onto the concrete floor with the most tragic sickening bone-grinding splat you’ve ever heard#AND HAS TO HOIST HIMSELF UP ONTO HIS FEET ALL BY HIMSELF WHEN HE’S MALNOURISHED AND EXHAUSTED#Like ughhhhhh let me pick him up and wrap him in a blanket and carry him somewhere warm and safe and make him an omelette#And I know I write whump and I shouldn’t be this sensitive#but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MR. HURT YOU ARE KILLING ME#Youtube
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2024 reads / storygraph
Walking In Two Worlds & The Everlasting Road
YA sff set in the near future where an opensource augmented reality is commonly used like social media, and there’s also a completely virtual fantasy game version
follows an Anishinaabe girl who who’s the top player in the VR game, and is constantly fighting to keep her place against the misogynist neo-nazi group in second place
as well as her real life, dealing with being a shy and self-conscious teen growing up on the Rez, and her brother having cancer
and a Uyghur boy who’s moved to her community from China after finding acceptance in an online community (even when he doesn’t agree with their more extreme views) - but when he gets to know Bugz, he has to decide who truly deserves his loyalty
great mix of sff and culture, the future while also very real community traumas of the past (and present)
#walking in two worlds#the everlasting road#wab kinew#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This has some REALLY interesting and important concepts!#I just think it could have used some more development… Obvs this is YA and I’m an adult I know I’m not quite the audience!#There’s a lot of depth in the setup of the characters but I feel like it skips a lot of the progression#I think there could have been space for more development in a lot of places to make the story feel more dimensional#- but also has so many plot threads that maybe that would have bulked it out too much#It does also jump around quite a bit between the different parts but I think that makes sense with how juggling with irl / online life.#she’s got a lot of internalised fatphobia at the start (and the love interest going “I don’t think you’re fat!!” when people call her fat..#then in book 2 suddenly she’s okay about it - again I wish there was some progression!#her brothers cancer journey is. basically all offscreen lol mostly as set up for plot in book 2. so it doesn't have the emotional impact it#could have..#I liked the way it integrates her culture into the game in a really cool way (though I would have liked more detail there)#also having auto language translators but they regularly don't translate quite right / still run into issues - realistic!#the parallels drawn between his being taken from his family and put in a state education school and Indigenous residential schools#the way that a future world will never be as separate from the past as ur average sff future often portrays#but yeah anyway lots of good ideas execution not so much for me..
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I JUST FINISHED CARDCAPTOR SAKURA WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH NY LIFE NOW 😭💕
#oh my gosh I am so in love with this cute lil show#I loved this so so much! (okay the next few tags are going to be me gushing about this show)#and it’s SURPRISINGLY queer for a kids’ anime from the 90s??#anyway Sakura and Shaoran are so cute :)#and Touya and Yukito are also so cute!! <3#but also? Yue/Touya/Yukito is canon in my heart#Touya gets two boyfriends for the price of one :)#oh oh and a canon nonbinary character!! that was pretty awesome#really though if I ignore the few weird ships this show is like perfect!!#so cute and happy and really well-made#the artstyle was fun and the characters were actually so good!#TOMOYO MY BELOVED#she’s perfect and I love her with my entire heart#her and Sakura are so so cute (but not as a ship cause. cousins)#and I just learned that Tomoyo and Meiling is a ship and I’m?? kind of in love with that idea??#oh and one more thing— that scene where Sakura tells Yukito she has a crush on him?? FUNNIEST THING EVER#she says ‘I really like you…’ and he’s just like ‘oh you like me just like your dad? :)’ and then. he was right#I just thought that was sooo funny#and THEN she said ‘oh so you’re in love with my brother?’ and he just said ‘yeah :)’#and then she gave him her blessing#urghhhh cute#really though Touya and Yukito… the boyfriends ever <3#when I started watching this show I was looking for something happy and fun with a bit of gay#and that’s exactly what I got <3#plus a few bonus beloved background characters I’ll always love <3#cardcaptor sakura#(my beloved)
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#okay so i am going to say this once and we’re all going to be on the same page#i find tommy boring#okay? i find him uncompelling as a character outside of the fact he helped buck realise that he was bi#other people love him for some reason - this is fine and i cannot relate#whatever#BUT my problem is that there seems to be no way to express my -tommy is dull - beliefs around those who love him#without being labelled homophobic#(this does include not caring if he dies - because i dont care what he does truly he’s Such a nothing guy to me. whatever)#and I am not homophobic#and well see it just so happens that there’s a loophole through which tommy hate is. well. not ‘allowed’ but morally justified#This exists because tommy used to be racist#is he still racists now? idk. who cares.it’s a tv show.#but if im not allowed to dislike tommy for being boring - surely im allowed to hate him for being racist right?#Anyways literally i couldnt care less if he is or isnt racist still or about anything he does#I think there are wider implications involved with how this guy who is like if a cardboard brick couldnt act is suddenly compelling people#to go to war for him#I also think anyone who believes his actor’s twitter was hacked is actually stupid but that’s unrelated#U m yeah well i think everyone needs to calm down#yes everyone yes me yes you reading this#And yeah idk. it doesnt matter if tommy is or isnt racist#(well…)#rather it matters that the ‘first stone’ was -you’re homophobic if you dont like tommy’#so the retaliation became ‘actually you’re racist if you do’#and because everyone wants to ascribe a moral value to liking/not liking a stale weetabix of a man#now we’re here#do you understand? do you get what im saying#can anyone hear me?#oh wow#did you guys know there’s a tag limit?#it’s 30
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they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over
#blue chatter#trying to work on not doing this#and just enjoying the thing in the moment#this happens to me a lot with school breaks and such#like ‘oh I love being on spring break but I’m sad bc I’m already 3 days in’#‘oh I love summer vacation so far it’s too bad it’s already a month over’#and I’m like NO!!!!! blue!!!!!!!! you’re missing the point!!!!!!!!#you have the joy *right now* and you are SPOILING IT bc you’re too busy looking ahead to when it will be gone!!!!!!!!!#it happens with friend visits a lot. it’s less bad now but it still happens.#like. the first time I visited friends over spring break I woke up in the early morning of the last morning and just cried#because I only had a few hours left before I had to get on the plane home#and I start hurriedly stuffing seconds and minutes into my mouth and refusing to swallow#because maybe if I just cling extra hard then the time won’t pass-#but it does pass. and that’s okay. and I know that’s okay because life had more joyful things after that moment#had I stayed there on that day I would have been frozen as a much more miserable person#my friends themselves would have been very different people#I mean. fuck. between then and now two of us figured out our genders. both of them got married. they moved somewhere else now.#there’s a lot of little joys that got left behind there. a church they loved. a local park. mountains and windy streets.#but I wouldn’t hold ourselves there. which I try to remind myself when I start crying about lost time again#because yeah. this will end someday. human lifespans aren’t infinite.#but the future is full of life I still have to live. there’s no saying that I can’t have good things again.#and this period of my life is rapidly rushing towards a much more uncertain future and I know that and it’s scary#I know I have about 11 months to make several very adult decisions that will determine a lot of my future#but no matter what I choose this period of my life is not wasted#and I don’t need to hurriedly optimize every second and mourn losing them#and I know that. and I still feel sad and mourny. but that might be more indicative that I’m hungry or smth.
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I remember back when The Mountain Goats No Children was a meme on here seeing a post that went “I hope you live, i hope we both live,” and it making me SO angry…
And this was before I had ever even listened to the song (or anything by TMG for that matter), but now, knowing that John wrote the song, and specifically the line “I hope you die, I hope we both die�� in response to radio overplay of the sugary sweet I Hope You Dance, I feel even more vindicated, because like.
Yes. Ultimately my overall life philosophy is that I hope we all live… I would hope that goes without saying. But No Children isn’t a life philosophy. It’s about how sometimes everything sucks and you feel like shit and trapped and hopeless and angry and I HOPE YOU DIE, I HOPE WE BOTH DIE!!!!!!!!! And who can’t relate to that? Who has NEVER felt like that in their lives??????
I feel a little silly accusing what was ultimately just a joke meme post of Toxic Positivity, but that was the vibe I was getting from it, which is why it made me mad. As though it was sticking up its nose at a song it clearly had no understanding of and going “well I hope we both LIVE 😇😇” and like. Fuck you lol. It’s okay to feel negative emotions. It’s okay to be angry.
#tmg#the mountain goats#tagging bc i feel strongly about this lol… i’m sure i’m not the first to say this#but like. you know. if negative songs aren’t your thing then that’s cool - i respect that#but they still have a right to exist#it’s like people saying that stories with tragic endings shouldn’t exist… that non-hopeful stories should not exist#they can’t understand how people could get catharsis from that too#and it’s okay to not understand! there are plenty of things people enjoy that i’ll never understand#but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t exist#or need to be sanitized#idk… my personal experience with No Children is that i avoided listening to it for the LONGEST time bc i thought it’d just be edgy bullshit#but then i FINALLY listened to it and i was like ‘oh yeah - i’ve been there’#and i’ve been a Mountain Goats fan ever since#bc i really respect and appreciate the way that John doesn’t see negative feelings as the antithesis to healing#there are a lot of artists out there who are like ‘yeah i made a lot of negative songs when i was in a bad place but now i’m getting better#so i’m gonna make happy peppy songs now!’ and like. hey - good for them! more power to them!#but i like the acknowledgment that experiencing those darker feelings doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person or backsliding#it’s okay to just *FEEL*#and it’s okay to sing ‘No Children’ at the top of your lungs in your house all alone#you might even feel BETTER afterwards!#don’t know until you try it!!
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i am so stupid sometimes
#i was showering etc having shower thoughts like you do#and i was SINCERELY thinking like. i’m not disabled. especially not by my mental health. i’m literally fine and normal.#and then i remembered. the last 1-2 years. and also my entire adolescence.#and i’m like. right. yeah. okay.#anyway. get on good mental health meds for 3 months and suddenly you’ve always been fine forever! and you’re totally fine now. totally.#SMH!!#izzy.txt
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i think ultimately my annoyance with my company manager stems from. well. 12 different areas. but my current annoyance at least stems from the fact that every time he fires someone, he likes to go around making snide little quips about how we ALL knew the guy was bad at his job.
like i mentioned i changed to doing something tony recommended and it helped, and he did a haha goofy little, “huh, so he was actually right about something then, huh ;)” joke about it
and it’s like. okay 1. you are our manager and this is an unprofessional thing to say about a former employee. 2. yes WE, your workers, make snide little comments, but we also know what we’re talking about. you’re claiming a man was bad at a job you are currently doing worse than him, because you don’t even understand why he was wrong about certain things. so shut the fuck up.
#just something that bothers me about people who want to fit in and be ‘one of the guys’#and the only way they can think to ingratiate themselves is by joining in on shit talk.#like WE are venting about how tony adds unecessary steps to our job that aren’t required by usp or iso specifications#he’s not WRONG for doing it but it IS unecessary. so we bitch.#YOU are coming in and going ‘yeah that guy fucking sucks lmao. what a stupid fucking moron. good thing i got rid of him right ;)’#which is like. okay. tell me one thing he was incorrect about in your own words and why it was incorrect.#1. you can’t because you don’t know what our job is or why it matters#2. even if you DID pass that bar how do you not understand that trash talking comes off much differently when it’s coming from your boss.#you’re not our friend you’re a person who has power over whether we keep our jobs and you’re currently on a firing spree.#the fact you don’t even have it in you to pretend you feel some gravity or responsibility over that power doesn’t make you likable man.
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