#trying to work on not doing this

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

they call me the griever because halfway through a thing I enjoy I’m already sad that it’s closer to being over

[the-eccentric-eclectic]

Hey kid, look at me.

I want you to T-pose. Turn your right thumb up and your left thumb doen and look at your right thumb. Move your arms up and down a bit until you feel a nerve running from your armpit to your palm. Now turn your right thumb down and your left thumb up, and look at your left thumb. Keep your chest facing forward and your shoulders back. Move your arms again until you feel that nerve again. Keep alternating between these two for a minute, or look at each thumb thirty times each.

Now sit down. Put your left hand firmly under your left buttock, palm down. Keep your shoulders back and put your right hand over the crown of your head, very gently pulling it to the right. Do this for thirty seconds, then do it again but with your right hand under your right buttock.

These are stretches for the nerves in your arms, and are very good for people who sit behind a computer a lot, or fibre artists, or you name it. Do them daily. They will hurt in the beginning, but keep doing them, even after the pain has gone, or it will return and you'll have to start all over.

[rioblitzle]

working retail

[ionomycin]

the new normal

[novelconcepts]

Man, we have got to stop treating art like it has an expiration date. That show stopped airing? Doesn’t mean it can’t haunt your every waking thought. Everybody’s into this album, but you don’t have the energy for new music right now? It’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready. That movie’s fifty years old and indie as shit? Incredible, you have the chance to share it with folks who might never otherwise feel that particular punch of delight. Books don’t go bad. Shows inspire fandoms decades after they’ve wrapped up. We’re still looking at cave paintings and statue work from ancient times and letting the joy of creation bring tears to our eyes. That’s the point of art. It’s as close to immortality as we ever get. Why try to give that magic a shelf life?

[eydilily]

you just got to survive

[crowkip]

yeehaw, baby!

[noodles-and-tea]

How the gentle wind,

Beckons through the trees,

As autumn colours fall.

[owlpero]

I never wanted to go to a school dance until you showed up.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

sorry starscream

[secondbeatsongs]

Food Crime: Frosty the Slawman

so a while ago, I saw this photo going around on tumblr:

at first, I thought this was photoshopped. I mean, "welcome new man in your life"? that feels like a translation error, or someone being silly on purpose.

but guess what! turns out, Frosty Slaw Man is real!

and soon...he will be mine. let's get cooking

(full disclosure: I crafted this snowman and took notes about it over a year ago. and then, like with many things in my life, I forgot about him, and let him drift into the ADHD void of Things I'm Not Currently Staring At, where object permanence is tentative and largely unrealized.

but here we are! and here he is: the slaw man. it's time to share him with you, so that you can suffer as I have suffered, and/or rejoice in my gelatin creation!)

so this recipe photo originally came from Mid-Century Menu (archive link), a blog that seems like one after my own heart, and which once tried to make the Slaw Man (with not much success; but we'll get back to that)! but it's not just that blog that has copies of this ad. I also found it on reddit, and in a few different places on ebay!

lookit that guy! he's a real guy!

both the reddit post and some of the ebay listings say that this is from 1963 (though I haven't been able to figure out which magazines it was printed in, to confirm this for myself). but in looking this up, I discovered something else fun! there's another version of this ad!

Best Foods is what Hellmann's stuff is called on the west coast, and the "this is no place for second best" thing makes a lot more sense when you consider that the ad was probably made for Best Foods first, and then just reused and rebranded for the east coast

the more you know!

anyway the benefit of finding this alternate ad is that the scan on this image is a lot clearer, and so the recipe is more readable! and in looking at it, I've realized something important:

when Mid-Century Menu tried this recipe, they got an ingredient amount wrong.

when they made their beloved Slaw Man, they had the water amount written down as 1/4 cup, but looking at this scan up close, it is actually 3/4 cup of water! something that might make a significant difference, considering we're working with gelatin!

(there's also another change I want to make compared to what they did, when I do this recipe. but we'll get into that in a sec.)

for now: we begin

so. there's no way I'm making a Slaw Man this large. I am just one person, and considering the ingredients of this, I don't think I'm going to be able to consume that much Slaw.

two entire heads of cabbage? three pounds of cottage cheese, a thing that I don't even like to eat? no. that's a bad idea.

so I'm starting small here and making this 1/3 the size of the original:

2 packets of unflavored gelatin 1/4 cup cold water 1 cup mayo 1 tsp salt 1lb cottage cheese 4 cups shredded cabbage

surely this will result in a reasonable amount of Man

...okay, I started chopping the cabbage thinking it would be easier, but I've given up and pulled out a grater. this is much better! and somehow more violent (affectionate)

the recipe says to soften the gelatin in cold water, and then stir over hot water until it's dissolved. I'm going to assume "stir over hot water" means a double boiler, so let's do that

hmmm, the gelatin is very foamy? it’s melted, but the bottom of the pot feels really....sticky

okay. after a couple minutes more and no change, I’m calling this good enough.

so one thing that others who have attempted this recipe have not taken into consideration is the cottage cheese. you see, the others used normal cottage cheese, but the recipe says to use "cottage cheese, cream style"

I’ll be real, I’m not 100% what that means, since we don’t have that here. but I can take an educated guess! so let’s blend the cottage cheese!

(with an immersion blender. I am not willing to wash an actual blender because of this)

mmm, yes. very smooth

...actually. why isn't all cottage cheese like this? the thing I hate about cottage cheese is the texture, so why isn't it all smooth and creamy like this?? I could eat this!!

a new discovery is made every day in this house.

okay, time to start mixing things together.

ah, frosty. I opened a whole new thing of mayo for you! do you feel special?

(I'd make a "pre-dinner snack?" joke, but sometimes I think I'm the only one that remembers Regular Ordinary Swedish Meal Time)

okay, the mayo, cottage cheese, and salt have been added to the gelatin. but as this cools, the texture is getting...hmm. less than appealing.

lastly: the cabbage

oh. oh this is not very nice

next it says to pack the "salad" into a one pound container, and two six-cup bowls, but since I made this recipe so much smaller, I'm going to uhhhh. uh. find some bowls that seem like they'd be correct...snowman? proportions?

ah. this bowl is too big.

hey, these'll work!

now I just have to let them chill for a while, and continue another day.

(edit from current!me: ahhh oh my god I forgot this was pretty soon after we adopted Jackie! look at these cat pics that I took while I was food crime-ing!

look at them having their little interactions! Knuckles was trying so hard to be friends with her! I love them)

hello! two days later and we are ready to assemble the slawman. and my sibling has started referring to him as "frosty: attorney at slaw", so that's fun.

I've done a thing where, as these set, I flipped them around in the bowl so that hopefully they'd be more round. we'll see if they actually stay like this.

I have also made some decorations for him out of peppers, olives, and carrots!

let's build our boy

oh he's so heavy. and wobbly

no no no he almost fell over!!

okay. he's fine. but more skewers were needed.

and...okay. he is complete.

behold!

gaze upon my beautiful man!

(he is not structurally sound! he wobbles unsteadily as I rotate him! there are already cracks forming in the gelatin around where his arms are! don't worry about it!)

 now it's time to stab him

and...to devour him

this tastes like...a bland coleslaw? and not even that. it's just sort of a salty, cottage cheese-y cabbage. the ingredients don't combine to become something greater, they simply...sit there. like this.

and the texture is...mmm. it's not a jello kind of texture, but it is a bit squashy in a way that's mildly strange.

it's very creamy once it softens in your mouth.

...I don't like this!

and look! taking just that one chunk from him was enough to destabilize him entirely :(

RIP frosty. now I just have to see if I can eat all of you before you go bad.

(note from current!me: I could not.

 I ate maybe half of him over the course of many days, often adding other stuff to him to try to add some flavor: bacon, frozen peas, cheese, etc. but even with that, I just couldn't stomach him.

after a while I stuck what was left of him in the freezer, hoping that maybe I'd find the will to consume the rest of him some other day.

do you know what a frozen-and-then-thawed mixture of cabbage, cottage cheese, mayo, and gelatin looks and tastes like?

bad. the answer is: bad.

I threw him out pretty quickly after thawing him.

do not try this recipe at home)

[berrryparfait]

lick my conch ! 𓆝⋆.˚ 𓇼

— ༉‧₊ᐟ featuring: sylus, caleb, rafayel, zayne, xavier x fem-afab!reader

— ༉‧₊ᐟ premise: "beach day", or so he said. little do you know that he's about to eat you out to the point of tears! 「i can't take this anymore... his tongue—!」

— ༉‧₊ᐟ tags/cws: [nsfw] pure smut, cunnilingus on the beach, squirting, cl*t stimulation, intense orgasms, semi-public, dubcon on reader's part

— ♫₊ᐟ soundtrack: cherry – lana del rey

✧ a/n: reader singlehandedly spawned another ocean with her c*m and that's okay! #peaceandlove happy reading! <3

“The beach is quiet today, sweetie.” Sylus rests a calloused hand on your thigh, the warmth of his touch surprising you. “Uhuh…” You don’t quite know where he’s going with this. Looking around, there’s not a single person in sight, but you can hear voices coming from somewhere behind the giant beachrock you’ve been leaning against. You eye him suspiciously as his hand travels further up your thigh, a familiar glint in his eye that tells you you’re in deep, deep trouble. “Relax. no one can see or hear us.” Not here, Sylus!—you want to yell at him, but the pad of his thumb on your clit effectively silences you. He massages you gently through the thin fabric before pulling your thong to the side, your pussy already moist with arousal. “Well, look what we have here…” he muses, positioning his face between your legs and admiring your wet folds. “We’re in public—“ you begin, stopping short when his tongue pokes out to tease your clit. “Mmpfh—“ You try your best to suppress your moans, but he’s lapping at your cunt now, eagerly as a man starved. “Fuck, kitten—you taste so good…” He licks and sucks at your needy pussy, every inch of you begging for his attention despite the fact that you’re quite literally committing a felony right now. The thought flies right over your head, your entire being consumed by the quick, wet movements of his lips and tongue against your sensitive heat. As you feel your pleasure spiking, you grab his semi-wet hair and arch your back, attempting and failing to muffle your moans as you cum all over his mouth, the sensation crashing over you so hard you see stars. He smirks at you annoyingly while you writhe in pleasure, taking in the beautiful beach scenery that is now you. “Return the favor for me, will you, darling?”

Perfect weather, perfect day. The cool breeze brushes against your skin as you sip from your glass, the sour sweetness of the sparkling mojito dancing on your tongue. "This is so good," you remark, carelessly tipping the glass towards you and spilling a bit on your bare stomach. Caleb looks down at the mess you've made and tuts, as if wholly unsurprised. "She strikes again. Good thing I've got a way to clean that up." He brings his head down to your navel, then begins trailing small kisses down your stomach, cleaning the sweet liquid off your skin as he goes. When he reaches the waistline of your bikini bottoms, a lopsided smile twists his lips. "Caleb, we're out in the open right now—" you protest, but he pulls them to the side and begins licking at your folds anyway. You whine in surprise, frantically looking around the beach for signs of other people. His tongue is on your clit now, caressing your core with slow, languid movements at make your toes curl and knees buck. "You're wet for me, Pips..." he groans as your arousal coats his tongue and drives him wild. The friction between his mouth and your cunt is overwhelming, and you rock against his face out of your volition. "Ugh... Ahh—!" Propping yourself up with your elbows, the rough sand digging into your skin while you're consumed by the euphoric feeling that is Caleb's tongue between your folds, you hear footsteps approaching in your direction. "Quick, come for me, baby—" A wave crashes in the distance, mimicking your climax. You shake with pleasure as the orgasm hits you, squirting in Caleb's face as he massages your trembling thighs. "Quite the clean-up job, if I do say so myself."

"The water's so peaceful today," you muse, leaning your head on Rafayel's shoulder. "It might be a sign," he replies, the cryptic answer puzzling you. He chuckles at your quirked eyebrow, then shrugs. "All I'm saying is that we wouldn't want the calm tide to go to waste." Before you can make sense of what he's trying to say, he grabs you by the waist and hoists you up over his shoulder, balancing your weight with one hand. "Put me down, Raf! What are you—" With a splash, he tosses you into the water, jumping in right after. Treading, you look around, but can't see him anywhere. A pair of hands grips your thighs, and you gasp in shock, wondering if you should be fearing for your life right now. But the way the waves instantly calm, the way the sea suddenly looks bluer—you know it's him. He gently pulls your legs apart, and you instinctively search the shoreline for watchful eyes. Thankfully, there are none—for now. He pulls your swimsuit bottom down and in a split second his mouth is there, planting soft kisses on your clit. You bite your lip and rest your legs on his shoulders, unsure of what else to do. His tongue laps at your cunt, which has now grown wet independent of the seawater all around you. You can't hear him, but you can feel him groaning against your pussy, the warm vibrations buzzing through every nerve in your body and drenching you in ecstasy. "Ahh—ahh..." you moan out loud, hoping no one on land is able to see or hear your lewd expressions. A stronger wave sways you then, and his tongue hits your g-spot at just the right moment. You come undone with his mouth around your heat, crying out as your shake uncontrollably with nothing to grab on to but his hair. You can feel his dirty grin between your legs. He rises to the surface, face flushed and eyes heavy-lidded. "I may be a sea god, but I do love drowning."

You both decided to embark on this beach getaway to get your minds off work—something the two of you are pretty much constantly drowning in. Despite your dedication to the task, it's to ignore the fact that your inbox hasn't been checked in hours... "Zayne, maybe we should check our emails. Just the emails! I hate the thought of missing something important..." He smooths a hand over your arm. "We both assigned perfectly capable stand-ins, remember? Try your best to relax now that we're here." He pauses then, thinking. "I may have something in mind that could help. It's common knowledge that reaching orgasm is incredibly effective for relieving stress." You gape at him. "Reaching what now?" He smiles at you, gently, then gets on his knees before you can stop him. "Zayne! We're in a public space!" He ignores your feeble protests and spreads your thighs apart. The next thing you know, his mouth is on your bare pussy and you can think of nothing else. He starts off slow, worshipping your cunt with smooth, unhurried strokes. But it isn't long before he responds to your sweet verbal sounds, picking up the pace as if knowing exactly what you need. His lips firmly latch onto the area around your clit while his tongue straight up abuses the swollen nub, flicking it with such unrelenting speed that you cry out for mercy. "Fuck— Zayne—!" You clamp your thighs around his face, squeezing hard. Back arched and feet curled, your mind is no longer on emails, that's for sure. "Fuck, fuck—!" you wail before the orgasm hits you and you cum all over his mouth, squirting warm, transparent liquid onto his glasses and down his throat. He massages your pussy for a while longer, drawing out your climax as you spasm around his fingers. "There, better?"

"I like this one." He points to a baby blue seashell by your foot, eyeing it curiously. You laugh, trying your best to ignore the wetness pooling between your legs. You've been horny for the past hour, but don't want to say anything to ruin the innocence of your date. "You're ovulating, aren't you?" he asks, waking you from your stupor. "How did you know?" He grins sheepishly, then mutters something about how he always knows. "It's not a big deal, you know, me being like this. We don't have to do anything. I'm happy just sitting here with you—" "Ride my face." It sounds more like a command than a suggestion, and you waste no time following his orders. Making sure there's no one around, you slide your one-piece bathing suit off and position yourself right above his face, where his mouth is already open and waiting. "Fuck, you're so wet..." He grabs your thighs and pulls you down onto him, and the feeling of your cunt settling onto his lips is heavenly. You begin to rock against his tongue to a steady rhythm, waves of pleasure filling your body as your clit rubs on his chin and nose. "Mmmpfh..." he sighs into your pussy, prompting you to fuck his face harder and faster than before. You grab a fistful of his hair and jerk your hips against his mouth, the both of you grunting with every thrust as the pressure builds and builds deep in your core. "Yes—right there, right there—!" you scream as his tongue hits that sweet spot, sending your heart into orbit. It's as if your hips have a mind of their own as you hump his mouth, the wet suction noises intensifying— You burst all over his face, squirt and cum leaking out of your pussy in violent spurts that he promptly licks up. Panting, you slump onto the sand and fall into an exhausted, satisfied heap. "Back to counting seashells, are we?"

— ⋆˙⟡ ©berrryparfait

《 please do not copy / plagiarize / translate my works or publish them on any other platforms. 》

[sinkfood]

did you know there aren't any god-like powers of indigestion

[marciaillust]

your design of me

[hotdogmchiggin]

Company Mandated Fancy Fits on the Tulpar 😏

Also had to include the REAL star of the show (and a bonus)

Based off of this and this. Thank you very much joetastic for being inspirational 👍

The REAL reason this is late

[kidokear]

Imagen how entertaining it would be if these 2 interact. And I'm a fan of possessive/jealous/protective Stolas (Which I don't see enough of <(＿　＿)>)