#like not to be depressing but like i’ve kind of been told that i’m bad at all the things i love/am passionate about my whole life

[that-was-anticlimactic]

students are filling out a teacher & course evaluation today,,, very nervous 😀 ik that ultimately it’s just their opinions and some of them will be pissy or mean bc they hate that they have to take the class, but it’s still kind of scary. idk like this is what i’ve been working towards, this is what i worked so hard for the past four years and like what if i’m Awful idk

[rowanhoney]

anyone else ever have the kind of friend who seems really good because they’re there for you in the tough times but when it comes to you having good things happen and wanting to celebrate suddenly they aren’t interested

[gothamite-rambler]

See, true friendship is showing friends bad films you like

Aquaman walked over to Batman and tapped him on the shoulder. Batman glanced at him, then returned to looking at his phone.

Aquaman (waving, kind tone): Hey, Batman.

Batman (pretending to be indifferent): Yeah, hi.

Aquaman (hands behind his back, looking curious): How have you been?

Batman (being honest): Not bad, kind of depressed.

Aquaman (joking tone and a playful eyebrow raised): So, the usual?

Batman (chuckling and nodding): Pretty much, but you know, hanging in there. How’s Mera?

Aquaman (smiling brightly): Good! She got the results back; it was just a regular rash. She’s going to be fine.

Batman (nodding): Did the cream work?

Aquaman (grateful): It did! Thanks for telling me about it. She doesn’t trust a lot of land medicine, but she’s thankful, especially because it’s foamy.

Batman chuckled, a mix of amusement and sniffling, like a stoic detective suddenly caught in a fit of laughter.

Batman (recalling a past experience): Yeah, when I had to treat one of my kids' rashes, they said the same thing, the cooling agent makes the rash less itchy.

Aquaman (kind tone): She said the same thing too. Thanks for helping out like that. Do you need me to pay you back?

Batman (shaking his head, dismissively): No, you’re fine. How… um, how is your life going?

Batman cleared his throat, unfamiliar with engaging in small talk with other heroes, but Aquaman was a closer friend and he was getting used to be more cordial with him.

Aquaman (smiling warmly): I’m doing good. I didn’t want to pry, but I’ve heard you’re into Star Wars and I’ve never watched them. Want to check them out next week? I’ve heard the prequels are really bad, so we can skip those if you want.

Batman (defending the mediocre): Don’t listen to anyone who’s insulted the prequels; they’re decent. In fact, can you travel to Gotham yourself? We can watch them in my theater.

Aquaman (eager): I can definitely do that. Sounds fun. How about next Monday night?

Batman (agreeing, nodding): That works. A weekday movie is way better than weekend films. We can meet up after I finish patrols.

Aquaman (gleeful, smiling): Sounds like a plan. See you around, buddy.

Batman nodded with a genuine smile. Aquaman gave the caped crusader a friendly pat on the back and left the JLA meeting hall, whistling as the other JL members sat in stunned silence at what they just witnessed.

Wonder Woman (raising an eyebrow, surprised): B, you never told me you two were this cordial with each other.

Batman shrugged while typing plans into his phone, hoping to wrap up the conversation. However, when he heard the scrape of Wonder Woman's chair as she pulled it closer for more details, he let out a resigned sigh.

Batman (nonchalantly): He’s not annoying, and he’s strangely nice to people—even me. It’s not headache-inducing like most of you or Barry.

Flash looked around, confused and insulted.

Flash (raising his voice, annoyed): I haven’t spoken to you since I got here!

Batman (smirking slightly): You wanted to.

Flash crossed his arms, refusing to admit that was true, even though it was.

Wonder Woman (curiously): When did you and Aquaman become friends? I want to know. That’s a good foil for you.

Green Lantern!Hal (chuckling, shaking his head): Superman is definitely listening in on this and probably wants to scream.

Wonder Woman (with mischievous amusement): Yeah, that’s an added bonus! I love messing with him. But B, you don’t have to go into too much detail.

Batman (slightly annoyed, but trying to stay calm): You’re acting as if we’re dating. He’s just a… friend of mine. It happened recently.

Flash (grinning, teasing): I want to remain silent, but he must really be special if you invited him to watch the worst movie trilogy.

Batman (deadpan): Keep insulting the films, and I will enact contingency plan 667 on you.

Flash (laughing): It’s just a slippery floor, Bruce!

Green Lantern!Hal (smirking): Dude, that’s not a flex. Back to Bruce, this is surprising to see. I’m glad you’re friends with him; you need a better influence.

Batman (sarcastically, rolling his eyes): Your backhanded compliments mean so much to me. Thanks.

Green Lantern!Hal smirked and shrugged, accustomed to Batman's usual demeanor.

Wonder Woman (smiling, teasing): Good news, Bruce; Aquaman is a good friend to have. Bad news—Superman heard all of this and might be wondering what Aquaman is doing that works.

Batman (pinching the bridge of his nose, exasperated): I know. Not going to deal with that right now.

[rejectedbytheempty]

from the dirt we rise, ch. 4

pairing: farmer!john price x reader, no use of y/n

word count: 2.1k

cw: misogynistic language, brief violence

synopsis: when your car breaks down in the middle of the english countryside, a tall, dark stranger comes to your rescue

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nathan blinked at you, almost as if he was waiting for your words to catch up with his brain.

“what did you say?” he asked in a dangerously calm voice. your bravery wavered the moment the words left your lips, resolve melting under his dead stare.

“ye heard her, she’s done with yer sorry ass,” johnny said, startling you from your staring contest with nathan. his friendly demeanor had shifted into something more menacing, the blue of his eyes seeming to ice over as he glared at nathan.

“i know what she said,” nathan practically hissed out, staring down johnny before whipping his attention back to you, “i want to hear you say it, because i don’t believe you.”

you started stuttering, finding yourself floundering under his withering glare. to be fair to nathan, this wasn’t the first time that you had tried to break up with him, and each time you had come running back, like he had some kind of evil curse on you. though, that wasn’t fair either, it wasn’t as if he was all bad, he helped you out of multiple depressive states and he never made you stay with him, necessarily.

“she’s not saying it again, once is enough” john said, stepping in front of you, half-blocking your view of nathan. you peaked around john’s frankly massive stature to look at your boyfriend, whose face had gone red in the face with rage.

“oh yeah? well, i’m not leaving this house until she says it.”

simon, who had been a silent observer, took this chance to step closer to you, “you try that and you’re getting tossed out on your ass.”

nathan looked between the three men, as if just now realizing the predicament he was in, then looked back at you, almost pleading.

“please, babe, don’t do this. i don’t know what kind of bullshit these men have been putting in your mind but i promise that i’m the best thing for you. i mean, look at all i’ve done for you, i’ve put up with you-“ nathan began saying, and you didn’t know if it was the fact that you had three huge men willing to beat him up for you or the fact that something inside you snapped but you cut him off.

“put up with me? put up with me? are you serious? do you know how many times i had to justify our relationship to my friends? my family? how you never have anything positive to say? how many times i’ve had to apologize when you were in the wrong? i’m sick of you and your excuses, so you want to hear it again? i’m breaking up with you, for good.” you huffed slightly at the end of your rant, feeling the weight of your relationship slipping off your shoulders.

nathan’s face seized up, twisting into something ugly and spitting, “fine. i knew you were a whore anyways, you know these men only want to help you because they want to fuck you, right? and that’s what you deserve, to be a worn out hole for men.”

that was all it took before your fist connected with his face. he went sprawling out onto the carpet, head connecting dully with the floor. the room went silent except for the sound of nathan’s quiet groans from the ground.

you never expected that punching someone in the face would make your hand hurt that bad, but there you were, sitting on the couch with a bag of peas on your knuckles.

after nathan had recovered as much as he could, john had grabbed the back of his shirt and lifted him in the air like a mewling kitten, gotten close to his face and told him he had five minutes to pack up and get the hell out of his house.

you weren’t really sure where he went but he couldn’t have scrambled out of that house faster than if his ass was on fire. while john was handling your boyfriend, or, ex rather, johnny congratulated you on your punch, saying that he never wanted to get on your bad side. simon just grunted in agreement, patting you on the back before retrieving the frozen bag of peas that you were currently holding to your aching hand.

you realized that in the couple of hours that you had been here you had hurt both of your hands, and you laughed when wondering which body part would be next.

this startled john who had been sitting in the room with you, reading his book. “what’s wrong?” he asked, putting down his book and moving to get up.

you shook your head, “no, no, i’m okay, sorry. i was just.. never mind, i’m fine.”

he calmed down visibly at your words and settled back into his chair. after the whole debacle with nathan, soap and ghost decided to head home early, figuring you would need some space to process things, and they could just eat dinner at home, simon adding that johnny might be too much to handle after a breakup. this led to the two of them bickering as simon herded johnny out the door.

although you did miss their presence, you admitted to yourself that he was probably right. you kept running over your breakup with nathan, finding yourself tending back into your doormat tendencies before you shook yourself out of it and the cycle began again.

you were knocked out of your thoughts by john asking, “you hungry?” you hadn’t even noticed that he had gotten up from his chair, the book long abandoned on the sofa. you chewed the inside of your cheek as you shook your head.

he looked slightly worried, standing there for a moment before he spoke again, “okay, well, there’ll be a bowl of it in the fridge for you in case you want any.”

you nodded, “thank you, i’m sorry.”

that just made him look even more worried, “hey, don’t apologize, if you’re not hungry, you’re not hungry, nothing you can do about it.”

you swallowed back another apology and just nodded. he gave you one last look over, seemingly analyzing the state of you, then deciding that you were alright for the time being and turning on his heel back towards the kitchen.

you sat there on that couch until the peas had all but thawed out. your hand was still throbbing but the pain had faded to a dull ache, so for the first time in a couple of hours you moved from your spot and rose to your feet. you headed to the kitchen, peering around the corner first to see if john was still in there cleaning up, which thankfully, he was not.

you tiptoed over to the freezer and put the bag of peas back before shutting the freezer door gingerly, wincing at the loud noise it made.

“you don’t have to sneak around, you know?” you yelped and jumped slightly in the air before turning around to see john leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. his face had an annoyingly amused expression, seemingly taking joy in the fact that he had startled you.

“christ, you scared me,” you said, clutching your chest and leaning against the counter.

“sorry” he lied, “thought you knew i was there.”

you just glared at him, which ended up having the opposite effect you intended as he laughed and shook his head.

“i did mean what i said though, no sense in sneaking around, i already know you’re here,” he said, making you flush slightly as you realized how stupid you looked.

“yes, i know you know i’m here,” you sputtered out, finding that that’s the best comeback you could come up with at the moment.

he shrugged, leaning off the wall and uncrossing his arms as he walked closer to you until he was right in front of you. you swallowed thickly as you looked up at him, having to crane your neck slightly to meet his eyes.

“you’re blocking the fridge,” he said, and you felt your face heat yet again, of course that’s why he was standing in front of you like that, not any reason your mind was coming up with. you quickly moved out of the way, muttering a hasty apology. he opened the door and took out a bowl with a lid on it and motioned it out for you to take it, “you hungry yet?”

as you took the bowl from him your stomach audibly growled and you smiled sheepishly, “guess so.”

after insisting that you go sit down at the kitchen table, he heated up your soup on the stove, then placed the steaming bowl in front of you. you muttered out a soft ‘thank you’ and he smiled softly in return.

you picked up your spoon and then looked at him, “so.. are you gonna watch me eat?”

“i’ll do whatever you want me to do,” he said, looking down at you.

it was too bad that there was already a spoonful of the soup in your mouth because you choked indelicately at his words. taking a moment to catch your breath you shook your head, “i’d prefer if you didn’t watch me.”

he shrugged, “as you wish” and he left you to your dinner.

as soon as he left the room you put your head in your hands, “fuck, what is wrong with me? he just made you some dinner and you’re already blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl!” you whispered harshly to yourself. you scrubbed your hands down your face before shaking your thoughts away, resolving yourself to finish your dinner without any more stupid thoughts.

after you had finished, you washed out your bowl and put it on the drying rack because he didn’t have a dishwasher, something you found slightly egregious, but it did go with his whole homestead vibe.

you walked back into the living room and he was reading on the sofa again. your head cocked slightly in surprise when you realized he was wearing wire-rimmed reading glasses on the tip of his nose.

you weren’t sure how you didn’t notice it before but there they were, making him look like some kind of distinguished librarian.

he looked up at your small giggle, peering over the top of his glasses at you. “what’s so funny?”

you couldn’t stop yourself from giggling again as you answered, “i just.. wouldn’t think that you would wear glasses?”

he raised an eyebrow, taking them off and folding them with his chin, “and why is that?”

you bit the inside of your cheek, “i don’t know, you just seem so.. manly and.. i don’t know, i just never pictured you with glasses.”

“manly..” he repeated slowly, “i’m too manly to wear glasses?”

you shook your head, laughing slightly, “sorry, it’s dumb, it just made me laugh.”

he chuckled at you, “well, i’m an old man, and i need to see. usually i wear contacts but at night i take them out and wear my eyeglasses.”

“to be honest, now that i got over that initial shock, i think they suit you” you admitted.

“not really sure how to take that, but thank you” he said, mirth crinkling at the edges of eyes. it was silent for a moment, just the crackle of the fire john had lit in the fireplace filled the air.

“i’m.. i’m going to head to bed, if that’s alright with you,” you fiddled with your hands at chest height.

“you don’t have to ask permission to go to bed,” he laughed.

“i wasn’t asking permission,” you retorted, it was embarrassing how easily john could turn your words around on you, “i was just.. making sure there wasn’t anything else you needed.”

“from you? darling, i don’t need anything from you, alright? don’t you worry about me.”

there you went, blushing again, which made you utter out a quick “good night!” as you turned from him and headed up noisily up the creaking stairs.

after you finished your nighttime routine you heard john head up the stairs as well, his footsteps passing by your door and heading towards his room before you heard the door close softly. peeling your ear off the door, you paced backwards and then flopped on the bed, sighing loudly.

maybe nathan was right to be worried about you, it hadn’t even been a whole day after breaking up with him before you found yourself getting a schoolgirl crush on the farmer whose house you were crashing at.

as you slipped under the covers you tried to summon tears over ending your relationship with nathan but all you could think about as you drifted off to sleep was john standing in front of you, his gaze shifted downwards into yours.

a/n: lol sorry, it’s so embarrassing how long it takes me to get these out 😭 and also!! i am shit at writing dialogue so the awkwardness at the end was both intentional and unintentional..

taglist:

@the-disaster-in-waiting

@night-girl-301

@darkangel4121

@valeissocute

@dneicjefx

@liidiaag

@lilynotdilly

@sleep101

@yellow-cat

@snailss

@nellabear

@eternallyvenus

@bookishthoughtss

@lunerbitch

@horny-bish

@sunna-fangirls

@nexthyperfix

@princeofnonsense

@supernova2205

@beebeechaos

@appl3-0rchard

@shadowwolf8002

@mismatchsposts

@dragonbe-writing

@honestlymassivetrash

@krispymagazinepizza-blog

[ilovedinodino]

…I was so miserable? l.hc smau

8. now, get up (written)

Haechan hears a rustling from the direction of the door and sees you entering the studio. “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t calculate the time right,” you say, pausing by the door to catch your breath after running. “It’s ok! You’re only 7 minutes late,” Haechan replies with a warm smile. You smile back and look away. “I’ll go get changed.”

When you finally walk into the studio, Haechan is sitting in front of the mirror, looking at something on his phone. You sit down next to him. The anxiety that had been with you since leaving the house hadn’t gone away—in fact, it intensified when you saw Haechan. It didn’t help that he had admitted to having feelings for you, though you suspected he was just playing around and wasn’t serious. Still, you found him very sweet and attractive. He was kind and always helped everyone during practice, and he looked incredibly hot while performing…

“Y/N?”

You raise your head to see Haechan’s concerned face in front of you.

“Are you okay?”

“Oh, yes! Sorry, I was just thinking… Uhm.. Should we start?”

Haechan noticed your nervousness but chose not to mention it, not wanting to make things even more awkward.

“Yeah, we should… You know, I came up with a few moves for the beginning of the song at home.”

“Really? Can you show me?”

“Of course.”

Haechan stood up as you played the music, and he began to dance. You watched his movements as if hypnotized. His steps were sharp yet effortless. You couldn’t help but wonder if you’d even be able to perform the same, let alone create something like that. When the music ended, Haechan sat back down and took a sip of water.

“Well, what do you think?”

“That… was amazing!! How did you come up with that?”

Haechan blushed, almost choking on his water.

“I could never come up with something like that… I almost feel bad that you’re paired with me…” you continued.

“Y/N,” he interrupted. “I’ve told you before that you’re an amazing dancer, and I know you can come up with something even better than this. Do I need to remind you about your project with Jisung?”

You stared at him, wide-eyed in surprise.

“Yeah, but I just got lucky that time, and the music was easier than this…”

“I don’t want to hear that. I’m really glad that I’m partnered with you, and it’s not just because I like you, but because you’re a fantastic dancer. Now, get up.”

You watched as Haechan stood and extended a hand toward you.

“Come on, we can’t waste any more time.”

~~~

SYNOPSIS : Haechan was in love with a girl from his dance studio, but one day he accidentally found her Twitter account with her terrible secrets

or how Haechan found out that his crush suffers from depression and dark thoughts

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taglist (open) : @alethea-moon @dinonuguaegi @jenoleeaesthetic @gukuwii @doughyk @elsbunny @dudekiss3r

[m4rv3l-girl]

hi!!! I love ur fics sm and I was wondering if you could do one where the reader is struggling with either ptsd or depression or something and they self harm and bucky walks in on them and cleans them up and comforts them and basically tells them it's not their fault ❤️❤️❤️

The Weight You Carry

Bucky x Y/N

Note: Thank you so much for your request, it is so valued! The topic of this one is obviously heavy and I (very fortunately) haven’t had any close contact with a situation like this. Due to the sensitive nature of the request - I have made the decision not to include any scenes of self-harm. This is something I’ve chosen to do because I would hate to write something unrealistic, harmful or content that will contribute to misconceptions. It’s simply not a subject I am well enough educated or experienced in to do it justice in writing. I’ve tried to stick to what you asked as much as possible, it includes the hurt/comfort themes, some clear emotional trauma and ellusions to past self harm but I have deliberately not included it in this fic. Thanks again, I hope you still enjoy! 🫶

Warnings: Depression. Trauma. Hurt/Comfort.

The bathroom was silent except for Y/N’s ragged breaths and the muffled sounds of her quiet sobs. The kind of silence that felt loud in her ears, reverberating against the cold, tiled walls. The mirror above the sink reflected a warped version of herself—puffy eyes, tear-streaked cheeks, and a trembling lower lip she couldn’t quite get under control.

Her hands gripped the edge of the porcelain sink like it was the only thing keeping her upright, the sharp bite of the rim pressing into her palms grounding her in a reality that felt too heavy to bear. She was suffocating under the weight of everything she couldn’t name, couldn’t fix, and couldn’t stop. It was a storm inside her head, a mess of guilt, fear, and exhaustion, swirling endlessly, consuming every bit of light she tried to hold onto.

This wasn’t new. She’d been fighting it for months—years, even. But tonight was one of the bad nights, the kind that snuck up on her, blindsiding her after a day that had been so deceptively normal. That was the cruel thing about it; it never gave her any warning. One moment she was fine, and the next, she was unraveling.

She hadn’t meant to end up here, curled up on the cold bathroom floor, her knees pulled to her chest, her forehead resting against them as she tried to hold herself together. She’d told herself she was just going to splash some water on her face, to take a minute to breathe. But the second she’d locked the door behind her, the dam had broken, and she’d crumpled.

A quiet knock at the door jolted her.

“Y/N?”

The voice was soft, hesitant but unmistakably familiar. Her chest tightened at the sound of it, her tears momentarily forgotten as she froze in place.

It was Bucky. Of course it was.

She didn’t answer, holding her breath as if staying silent would somehow make him go away. She couldn’t let him see her like this—broken, weak, and barely holding on. He didn’t need to deal with her mess on top of everything he carried himself.

“Doll?” His voice came again, quieter this time but no less concerned.

The nickname made her chest ache. He always said it with so much affection, like it was his way of reminding her how much he cared, how much she meant to him. But tonight, it felt like too much—too heavy, too undeserved.

“I know you’re in there,” he said after a beat of silence. His voice was closer now, just on the other side of the door.

“Go away, Bucky,” she finally croaked, her voice barely audible and hoarse from crying.

There was a pause, and for a brief moment, she thought he might actually listen. But then she heard him sigh, the kind of deep, weary sigh that spoke of his own struggles, his own battles.

“Sweetheart, I’m not leaving you like this,” he said gently.

She buried her face in her hands, shaking her head even though he couldn’t see her. “I’m fine,” she lied, the words shaky and unconvincing.

“You’re not,” he replied softly. There was no judgment in his tone, only a quiet determination.

She heard the faint jingle of keys, and her heart sank. Of course, he had the spare key. She’d given it to him months ago when things weren’t as bad, trusting him to use it only if she really needed him.

The lock clicked, and the door creaked open slowly. She didn’t look up, too ashamed to face him.

Bucky stepped inside, his frame filling the small doorway. He hesitated for a moment, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on her. She could feel his gaze, heavy with concern, and it only made her want to shrink further into herself.

“Y/N…” he murmured, his voice breaking slightly.

“Please, don’t,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

But he was already moving, kneeling down in front of her with a slow, deliberate gentleness that made her heart ache. He didn’t reach for her immediately, instead settling onto the floor a few feet away, giving her the space she so desperately needed.

“I’m here,” he said simply.

Those two words unraveled her completely.

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face as she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked softly, his brows furrowing.

“For being like this,” she choked out, her hands shaking as she wiped at her face. “For being so…broken.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. Then, with a steadiness that made her heart clench, he said, “You’re not broken, Y/N.”

She let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and painful. “Then why do I feel like I am?”

“Because you’ve been carrying too much,” he said simply, his voice steady and sure. “And you’ve been doing it alone.”

His words hit her like a punch to the gut, and she finally looked up at him. His blue eyes were filled with a quiet intensity, a depth of understanding that only someone who had been through their own hell could offer.

“It’s not your fault,” he said firmly, his voice unwavering. “None of this is your fault.”

She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head, cutting her off gently.

“Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re going through, it doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you human. And I a human too, one that hurts just as much.”

Her tears came faster, harder, and she didn’t resist when he reached out, his hand brushing against hers.

“Let me help you,” he said, his voice softening. “You don’t have to do this alone, Doll. Let me be here for you, the way you’ve been there for me.”

Her resolve crumbled, and she leaned into him, letting him wrap his arms around her. His embrace was warm and steady, a safe haven in the midst of her storm.

“I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I know,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “But can figure it out. One step at a time.”

And for the first time in a long time, she felt a little bit less alone.

——————————————————————————————————

Requests Open!

[redrose10]

I’m going to be working on chapter 3 of Cold Brewed Love. I was really sick last week and then my toddler got really sick and we’ve just been a mess. But hopefully that should be out sometime soon.

…Last night I had a horrible panic attack. It came out of nowhere and was one of the worst ones I’ve had in a long time. I thought I was getting passed this but I guess not. So to get my mind off of it I wrote this. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while, but just never wrote out. It’s just fluffy and funny and cute. I hope everyone likes it and maybe it’ll help someone else feel better.

I don’t have a title so if anyone has any good ideas let me know!!

*******************************************************

Yoongi x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, kind of suggestive, anxiety, depression, jealous Yoongi, little angst, maybe bad judgements against foreigners but not in a hateful way (when writing this I did it from the view of an American who speaks English because that’s me so I apologize to others who read that may not fit that role), also fluffy dorky Yoongi

Word count: 3,702

(I included one of my all time favorite Yoongi photos because why not)

When Yoongi first got his military assignment he was less than thrilled about it to say the least. How do you go from writing hit songs while traveling the world performing for thousands of people and collecting records and awards like no one else to sitting behind a desk entering numbers into a computer for eight hours a day? But he understands the why behind the reasons he has to do this, along with knowing that it is his duty so he is committed to completing his service to the best of his ability. He gets up early in the morning pouring himself a cup of coffee before he puts on his uniform and makes the short drive to the office location.

Whether it was pure luck or a carefully calculated choice by someone in charge he was thankful to be working in a quiet building just outside of Seoul. His department was on the top floor. His desk in a back corner, by himself, somewhat hidden away from view. He could show up, do his job, and leave like nothing happened. He was content with keeping to himself, minding his own business, and not going out of his way to make friends. Of course he was polite and friendly if approached, but he was never the approacher.

And then he met you…

When his senior manager told him that he would be getting a desk partner he nodded and politely accepted the change but internally he was irritated. That irritation only grew when he found out that his new partner was a foreigner who barely spoke Korean. His mind immediately conjured up this idea that you were probably some kpop obsessed fan who moved here on a whim. The only saving grace he thought would be that due to the lack of mutual language you both would probably not be speaking much.

He got to work a few minutes earlier than usual on the day you were arriving to work with him. For some reason he wanted to beat you there feeling like he had to lay claim to his portion of the rather large desk. Your computer was already set up next to him. He sighed as he unpacked his bag and began logging in for the day.

Then you arrived. Your work uniform similar to his. You smiled and introduced yourself and then sat down and got right to work. You didn’t freak out and tell him how big of a fan you were. You didn’t even make small talk. You put in your ear buds and turned on some music and got right to work. You brought in a heavenly smell with you of vanilla and sugar. He’s sure it would be called something like Fluffy Cloud Sweet Sugar Oasis and Grandma’s Cookies or something like that if they sold it at Bath & Body works. And he was ready to buy every bottle.

When work was over for the day you told him to have a good night and packed your stuff and left. Yoongi realized this new seating arrangement wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

The days went by much similar to that first day. You introduced him to your best friend Joon-Sung who worked in a different department on the second floor. The first time he met him Yoongi felt what he told himself was just some indigestion from his lunch because there was no way he was jealous of the handsome man that you so freely talked to and joked with until he heard you mention something about Joon-Sung and his new boyfriend and the indigestion somehow magically went away.

Then Yoongi noticed that he found himself feeling a little more excited each day for you to walk through that door. He also started changing his routine bit by bit. He styled his hair a little more, at least the little bit of hair that was slowly growing back after having to get it shaved. He started wearing cologne again, even buying the one he heard you mention you liked after someone walked by wearing it. His nights were spent brushing up on his English so he could better converse with you and in the mornings he started bringing you cups of hot chocolate or herbal tea after he heard you tell Joon-Sung that you were trying to lower your caffeine intake because your anxiety was getting worse.

Then his world came spiraling out of control at the realization that he might like you…like a lot. The last thing he needs right now is any kind of relationship especially with a foreigner. Like sure you were really pretty and very nice and you both communicated well even with the language barrier and you were taking Korean lessons so you were getting better. You had acclimated to living in Korea just fine. Joon-Sung often joked that you acted more Korean than most Koreans and that you were a Korean Ajumma in a young woman’s body.

Your best friend other than Joon-Sung was your 80 year old neighbor Mr.Park and his cat Mittens which lead Yoongi into remembering a story about how you and Mr. Park spent all day hand making cat toys to take to the animal shelter which made Yoongi’s heart swell with affection before he quickly shook that feeling away.

The more he thought about it the more Yoongi realized how much of your life he had grown to know and how much he looked forward to seeing you and talking to you.

And how much he talked about you outside of work.

“I don’t know man, sounds like you like her.”, Hoseok said while having a couple drinks at Yoongi’s on his day off from the military.

“I do not. She’s just nice. We have to work together. That’s all.”

“Mmmhmm sure, that’s why you haven’t stopped talking about her all night. Jimin mentioned that you even told him about her over the phone. And your ears are doing that thing.”

“What thing?,” Yoongi questioned already knowing the answer.

“You know…that thing where you ears get all red when you’re lying or embarrassed. And by how red they are I’m thinking it’s a little of both.”, Hoseok chuckled before taking a sip of beer.

Yoongi couldn’t like you. He’s only known you for a few months. He doesn’t fall that easily for anyone. He knew his last partner for three years before asking them out. He hasn’t even hung out with you outside of work yet. He had your number, but that was because you asked him for it to send over a work file you were going to complete at home. He’s never texted you outside of a thanks once he’s received it. Sure he’s opened up a blank message and attempted to text you something almost every night. That’s normal though. Right? He’s just awkward and you’re just a friend.

Then he saw you walk in for the day. You were carrying two bags of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. One bag had Joon-Sungs name on it and the other had Yoongi’s. You made him cookies. He thought his heart was going to explode.

When Joon-Sung walked in to collect his package from you he started complaining about how he was going on a date with some guy who loved basketball so now he was trying to cram full of info to try and impress him. He showed you his phone,

“Who is this?”

“That’s Lebron James.”

“Is he any good?”

“Well he’s the highest scoring player in NBA history, he’s top 10 in steals and assists, and has four championships so yeah you could say he’s pretty good.”

“Okay and what team does he play for?”

You sighed, “He was drafted by the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2003 then he went to the Miami Heat for a while and then back to Cleveland and now he’s with the Lakers.”

Yoongi listened as you rattled off basketball facts like nothing with his eyes wide.

Fuck I think I love her, he thought to himself.

Yoongi tried his best to push any thoughts he was having about you far out of his mind. But you were all he thought about. How good you smelled next to him. How sweet your voice sounded saying his name. How you would feel underneath him with his body pressed against yours…

Realizing he was about to really embarrass himself at work he quickly started thinking about that time he accidentally saw his mom in her underwear instead hoping to change the direction of his thoughts but because his brain seemed to hate him his thoughts wandered back to what you would look like in this black lace number he saw was being released by some high end lingerie brand. Maybe he could buy it for you as a gift. Or would that be weird? Quickly he excused himself needing to get up and get a distraction.

When he returned to his desk Joon-Sung was gone and you were typing away at your computer.

“Hey can I ask you a question?”, you said, “I hope I’m not going to make things weird between us.”

Yoongi froze. Did you notice? Could you read minds? Oh my God Yoongi that’s so stupid, people can’t read minds. He was so in his thoughts he forgot that you had asked him a question until he saw you staring back at him.

“Of course, go ahead.”, he managed to squeak out.

“So Joon—Sung is having a party this weekend. He wanted me to ask you to come. It’s nothing big. He does them every few weeks. He’s just social like that.”

Yoongi’s not sure if he’s relieved that you’re not some mind reader or if he’s hurt that you’re only asking him to come because someone else told you to and not that you actually want him there.

But he agrees to go regardless because he wants to spend time with you.

Yoongi doesn’t like to judge people but he’s a little shocked to find out that Joon-Sung lives in one of the fanciest most elite apartment complexes in Seoul. Something about having family money so he works mostly to give himself something to do. Yoongi admits he’s a little impressed and also a little jealous.

He came prepared with topics to talk about. He researched the bands he always sees you listening to even though most really weren’t his style. He looked into your home city so he could ask you questions. And if all else fails he can rely on basketball as a speaking point. He can’t remember the last time he put this much effort into getting to know someone.

He takes off his shoes and walks into the main living area and immediately starts scanning the room for you. He spots you right away.

He takes a moment to look you over. The dress you’re wearing is much shorter and tighter than your normal work outfit. It accentuates every one of your curves perfectly. He sees what he thinks is a thigh tattoo poking out the bottom. He wants to see more of it. You look so good and he can feel his temperature rising. Fuck Yoongi get it together. You’ve been acting like some deprived horny teenager he thinks while making a mental note to call his doctor. Maybe his hormones are out of whack or something. This isn’t normal for him to feel like this around someone.

He watches as you’re happily talking to some guy. Some guy who’s like ten feet tall and made of pure muscle and looks like he was ripped out of beauty magazine. Maybe that is your type. Maybe he should introduce you to Jungkook. At least then he’d still get to see you after his service is up because you’d clearly not be interested in someone like him.

You’re laughing at something the guy said while placing your hand on his bicep.

Well this is something Yoongi never thought about. He was so consumed in his feelings for you that he never stopped to think about whether or not you liked him too or if you were even available. What if you’re already seeing someone? What if you’re happily married with two kids? He never asked you about your relationships since it felt too personal at the time. He feels like the room is spinning as he is trying to find another route when he hears you calling his name.

You walk over and wrap your arms around him in a hug, “I’m so glad you decided to come.”

He smiles feeling some relief as you lead him to the kitchen to get a drink and something to eat.

You’re both eating a piece of pizza when you ask him a question.

“This is random but do you have a nickname? I mean besides Suga or Agust D of course.”

He shakes his head.

“You look like a Yoongles. Has anyone ever called you that?”

“A few fans have online but that’s it.”, he chuckles.

“Well I think it suits you. Or maybe Yoongily Boongily Bear.”

“Okay” he snorts trying to fake indifference but in that moment he realized that he’d let you call him Captain Dumbass if you wanted to just so he could see your smile and hear your giggle again.

Yoongi had gone to talk to one of your other co workers for a while to give you a break from him since you’d been attached at the hip. He was coming back from the bathroom when he noticed you were nowhere to be found.

Did you leave already? And without even saying goodbye. That hurt a little more than he wanted it to. He didn’t get the chance to ask you about your hometown. Now he’s stuck with all these useless facts about some city he’s never even been to.

Just as he was about to give up and head home someone moved the large curtain hanging against the window and he recognized your figure leaning against the balcony outside. Slowly he made his way there.

“I thought you left.”, he said when you turned to look at him after hearing the door open.

“No it was just getting to people-ish in there, I needed a break.”

Yoongi felt bad for intruding on your space.

“Oh I’m sorry. I’ll go back inside.”

He felt electricity shoot through his body after you grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the railing, “No stay. I like spending time with you.”

He felt his heart skip.

The two of you stood in silence for a few moments while staring down at the vast city below.

“I like to look out at the city when I’m overwhelmed or when my anxiety gets too much.”, you suddenly spoke, “I like watching the lights, seeing all the people move around. Some going to work, some coming home. Couples going on dates. Some people are down there having the best day of their life while others are having the worst. It’s comforting in a weird way.”, you chuckled, “To know you’re not alone out here in the world.”

Yoongi looked you over quietly. He didn’t know you struggled so much with anxiety and feelings like that. He knew you had anxiety which is why he never got you anything with a lot of caffeine, but he thought it would just make your heart race or something. He didn’t know you suffered so harshly from it. You always seemed to calm and put together. He felt a strong urge to just wrap you in a big fluffy blanket and give you a kitten to hold as he cuddled you close while telling you it’ll all be okay.

“It’s funny actually. I never really listened to your music before I met you.”

Yoongi gasped dramatically acting extremely hurt.

You giggled, “I know. I mean I knew of you guys and such but it wasn’t really my thing. But when I found out I was going to be working with you I wanted to know about your music and having something to talk about with you. Honestly I went into it not having high expectations.”

Now Yoongi was genuinely a little hurt but he knew everyone was entitled to their own opinions and feelings and that’s why music was so great.

You continued, “I was taken back by how real your music was. How full of emotion and the raw feelings you conveyed. Your song The Last, man I cried after hearing that. To see someone struggle as much as you did with mental health issues and still come out on top even though you had to fight for it. It gave me hope. Maybe one day I’ll be okay too.”

Yoongi thought about every funny scenario he could. That time Jin shoved an entire donut in his mouth and then accidentally coughed it all over Namjoon’s face or that time his brother slipped on some ice and conveniently landed right in a giant puddle of dirty water like he was in a cartoon. Anything to stop himself from crying in front of you.

“Then I listened to Snooze. And that song has become like my anthem. Any time I feel the walls closing in on me or I think I can’t do it any more I play that one and I can feel the gray clouds being pulled away and the sun shining down.”, you chuckled, “You have got to introduce me to WooSung by the way.”

Yoongi laughed with you but deep down he knew he was NEVER introducing you to WooSung unless it was at your wedding after you’d already exchanged vows and kissed and you were officially Mrs. Min Yoongi. Then MAYBE he might let you meet him…from across the room…over video chat.

“I’m glad my music could help you so much. Any time I hear something like that it gives me the motivation to keep going too.”, he said not really sure how to comfort you in that moment.

“How did you do it?”

He look at you confused.

“How did you heal yourself?”

Yoongi found himself chuckling. Not because he thought it was a funny question or anything but he never thought he’d be answering questions like that.

“I mean I don’t know if I’ll every be fully healed. At first I used alcohol. I’d drink until I wasn’t coherent enough to feel. Then I switched to working myself until I was so exhausted I didn’t have the energy to worry. But now I go to therapy and take medicine when it gets really bad. I use music as an escape without overworking myself. I also surround myself with people who I know are good for me. I think that’s really important.”

You nodded in understanding.

“Thank you Yoongi. For helping not only myself but also yourself and the millions of fans around the world.”

Fuck he wanted to kiss you so bad and and hold you and make sure you never felt another ounce of sadness ever again.

This conversation kind of killed the mood admittedly though. You just opened up to him about something that must’ve been difficult and he can’t just be like oh hey by the way I want to date you and hopefully do unspeakable things to you one day so do you want to go out with me? That would be really insensitive.

Instead he was going to simply invite you to hang out as friends, offer to be your support and see where it goes from there.

“Hey Y/N…”

Just then the door swung open and a very drunk Joon-Sung came stumbling out.

“There you are. I looked everywhere for you guys. I figured you were blowing him in the bathroom already.”

Yoongi choked on his spit and felt his entire body heat up at that statement.

“Did you tell him how you love him and you think he has the prettiest eyes and the nicest smile and the cutest little butt?”

“Go.to.bed.Joon-Sung.”, you hissed.

“Alright alright, but if you two are gonna fuck use the spare bedroom. I paid too much for my couch for there to be naked ass cheeks on it.”, he slurred before stumbling back inside.

You turned back around and continued to stare out at the city below. Yoongi thought you were handling this well. If it was him he would’ve already jumped over the railing from embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”, you whispered when he came up next to you, “I didn’t want you to find out like that. It’s gonna be weird between us now. Monday morning I’ll ask for them to reassign me to a new department.”

“Y/N”

“Hell I’ll even move out of the city.”

“Y/N”

“I’ve heard Busan is nice.”

“Y/N”

“Just please don’t write a song about me. I don’t think I can recover knowing my most embarrassing moment is being retold on stage as seven guys do some extreme choreography while wearing coordinating outfits.”

Y/N!”

Finally he got your attention. He couldn’t help but smile at how flushed you were.

“Can I kiss you?”

“What?”

He used the new boost in confidence from knowing that you liked him too to take a step closer to you. So close he could feel the warmth of his breath bouncing back off of your skin.

“Y/N…Can…I…Kiss…You?”

You didn’t say anything but nodded which was all he needed to lean in placing his lips on yours. It’s cheesy but he felt like fireworks were going off. His senses were overloaded with you. That familiar sweet vanilla perfume you always wear. The softness of your lips. The taste of the pizza and hard cider you had earlier. It made him feel like he could fly.

“So you think I have a cute butt huh?”, he smirked against your lips.

“Seriously? That’s what you’re going to remember?”

He stepped back putting his hands up in defense, “Hey listen, you don’t even want to know the things I’ve thought about your butt over the last couple months.”

“Yeah well maybe you can show me instead then huh.”, you smiled pulling him in for another kiss.

“I would be happy to”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "forcing" my best friend to break up with his boyfriend?

🧸

I (22 cis m) and my best friend 'A' (21 ftm) have been friends since we were 10 years old and I love him more than anything. He’s genuinely the sweetest, most thoughtful, and funniest person I’ve ever met. He means everything to me and we’ve been there for each other through the hardest times of our lives so far and I plan on staying until the end.

It’s always been us two. Btw, everyone mentioned here uses he/him pronouns exclusively.

A has been with his boyfriend (21 cis m) for about 2 years now, and from what he told me, things were going great. Even if I’m not too fond of his boyfriend. A few days ago, we got pretty drunk at a friend’s housewarming party. A and I live together, and as soon as we got home, he suddenly started rambling about how he wishes his boyfriend cared about him the same way I do.

Legit felt like I was in some dumb romance movie for a moment there. I felt a little uneasy and asked him to elaborate. In short, his boyfriend essentially treats him like a doll instead of a person with real emotions. He feels as though his boyfriend just uses him to get his daily fix of physical affection and sex, that’s it. The only positive thing his boyfriend can say about A is that he’s cute, which boggles my mind. It’s true but there’s so much more to him as a human being.

A is an incredibly talented artist, super kind, super emotionally intelligent, and has a plethora of interests he loves to infodump about. I’m trying my hardest not to make this entire post about how amazing he is. He’s helped multiple friends clean their depression apartments and took them out to get fresh groceries etc. because it’s basic decency to him. He has such a big heart and holds so much love in it for everyone in his life. Being around him is just so easy and makes life worth living.

He’s just an incredible person all around and every single person that has him in their life recognizes that, except his boyfriend. They’ve had issues in the past because they’re not sexually compatible, which led to some miscommunication and made A feel like he was coerced into things he didn’t want to do. He just did them to make his boyfriend happy. He does a lot of things for his boyfriend, actually. He’s constantly buying little gifts, remembering what he likes, and plans cute dates for them to go on. His boyfriend does none of these things.

I want to mention that A has bpd and avpd. He has an intense fear of rejection and will do everything in his power to appease others so they won’t leave him. I always take the time to reassure him that I love him for who he is and not what he can give me. Basically just making sure he feels loved. Keep in mind, his boyfriend is aware of this but he just gets annoyed when A seeks reassurance from him. His behavior has made my blood boil several times in the past already, but I always kept it to myself for A’s sake. If I was vocal about disliking his boyfriend, it probably would’ve caused A a lot of distress and emotional turmoil.

Still, I don’t think this relationship is healthy for A and I know him well enough to know he won’t break it off on his own. It’s just his combo of personality disorders that makes it impossible for him. I told him about my concerns and he agreed, but said he feels bad for his boyfriend since he apparently doesn’t have any friends outside of A. From my POV, it just looks like his boyfriend knows A is out of his league and is grasping at straws to make A stay with him out of pity.

This is where I might be the asshole. I got a little frustrated and raised my voice, which I severely regret. I don’t want to blame it on the alcohol but it definitely had a hand in it. I finally told him about all these grievances I have about his boyfriend, how much I dislike him and how A deserves so much better, etc.. At one point, I essentially gave him an ultimatum. It’s me or his boyfriend. I didn’t really mean it, it was just a heat of the moment thing I spat out. I would never leave him like that.

A started crying and begged me to calm down, at which point I realized how shitty I was being and immediately began apologizing. We hugged, I comforted him, and we spent the rest of the night cuddling and talking about how he could approach the breakup.

Now that I’ve sobered up I feel like absolute shit. I know it’s not my place to tell A what to do with his romantic relationships, even if I’m his best friend. Plus, I want to be 100% honest here and say I might have romantic feelings for A. I think I have for a long time, but I always wrote it off as intense platonic love. So I may be biased in this whole conversation about his boyfriend.

I didn’t say these things because of that. I genuinely think his boyfriend is a huge dick and full of shit, no matter how sweet and loving he pretends to be. It’s all in the way he treats A. He’s one of those guys that paint their nails (nothing wrong with that but you know the kind of guy I’m talking about), pretend to be feminists, and steal their romantic partner’s personality to seem cooler. He even asked A to stop taking testosterone because he didn’t like how hairy A was getting or some shit like that.

He’s pansexual but has only ever dated girls and started dating A before A began medically transitioning. There’s obviously nothing wrong with that and changes nothing about the fact that he’s pansexual, he just pisses me off when he criticizes A for being 'too masculine'. You can have a preference for feminine people but don’t make that shit your partner’s problem when they just want to pass.

I feel like A’s boyfriend just thought A would always stay the smooth, baby-faced twink he was before going on testosterone and now makes him feel guilty for looking like a grown man. Some people don’t know how to appreciate hairy tummies.

Sorry for making this so long but I just want to be as honest and informative as possible to get proper opinions on the issue. A is now dead set on breaking things off because he now knows that I actively despise his boyfriend and he always puts my opinion above everyone else’s.

Was I in the wrong for doing this or am I just protecting my best friend? I’m glad he intends on ending things but I feel a bit like a conniving snake considering everything. It feels like I’m taking advantage of his mental state even if I’m not doing it consciously.

[arachnoia]

gone ➶ . ˚ ༉‧₊˚ˑ༄ؘ | miguel o’hara

miguel o'hara x fem! reader

a/n: i think that atp, im just a miguel o’hara writer (not that im complaining but gimmie requests pls !! theyre open on my acc !!) this is also a drabble ive been wanting to write because i’ve always wanted to write angst (well tbh idk what this is?) but wasn’t sure how to? lowkey i want this to be a story that isn’t just a one shot but lmk if you guys want more of this? im just trying stuff out!

pt2 - ‘holy shock’ pt 3- ‘finally’

─── ⋆���☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out...”

The beautiful city stunned you as you stood on top of a random building, breathing in its modern, refreshing look.

It kind of took your breath away, contradictory to what you just told yourself a few seconds ago.

You barely finished another mission as your universe’s one and only Spider-Silk. Was it tiring? Hell yes, no doubt. But you never took a moment to actually admire Earth-928’s Nueva York, where Spider Society headquarters was located. Nueva York was also the place where you were if it wasn’t fighting crime and going to grad school in your own universe’s New York.

You usually swing to the top of a business building, a little bit far from Spider Society headquarters. It was quiet and peaceful. It was your thinking place where you could release any emotions you wanted to spill when you couldn’t anywhere else since you can’t really spill your emotions if you were to be taken seriously.

Plus, the one person who you expressed your deepest emotions, is gone.

As you simply stared into space while remembering the feeling you felt this morning.

You noticed some tears gathering at the outside corners of your eyes. Your eyelids began to droop, and you began to sob quietly as your chest hurt from, what some call “heartbreak”.

To be completely honest though, it was just melancholy and depression from what happened hours prior.

You couldn’t say that the emotion you felt for him or what you feel is loving him because it wasn’t love.

It felt like something stronger. But you knew it wasn’t reciprocated back.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“So why don’t you just kick your professor’s ass?” Miguel joked. His laugh made you feel warm inside. It was a cute laugh in your opinion.

The two of you were sitting down, at the building you like to think at, munching on sweet, baked, fig empanadas from a lady's restaurant in your universe. Doña Rosa? She was a nice lady and safe to say, Miguel would definitely come back for the empanadas.

“Please, O’Hara. I’d get simply kicked out and would have to never show my face ever again…But the bastard deserves it for ripping apart my paper on exploring different dimensions with colliders!”

He chuckled. “Right, because you have experience. Do you not? Y/l/n?”

“EXACTLY. BUT NOT EVEN GRAMMARLY HELPED ME NOT GO THROUGH HIS REIGN OF TERROR!” You felt pissed, but Miguel found it absolutely hilarious to see you worked up as you angrily took a bite out of your empanada. It was cute.

“Swear to god, that bitch is scarier than most of the stupid anomalies we fight,” You pouted and glanced at him. He looked like he was trying to not start laughing even harder than he was before. “Y/l/n. Just calm down it doesn’t matter. Plus didn’t you mention it was like 10% of your grade? You’ll be fine it’s not that bad.”

You smirked at him. “Oh, so you’re trying to say it’s still bad?”

“No…but look at me.” You turned to his direction as he placed his empanada on a napkin next to the rest of the lot and he rested his hands on your shoulders.

“Breathe in. Breathe out.” You chuckled at his direction.

“Miguel, you sound like a yoga instructor."

“No no, I’m being serious here! No dejas que esa mierda te moleste, okay?”

You raised your eyebrow and smiled playfully. “Alright, like you’re the calmest person on this Earth,” He laughed. “I’m not but you’re not like me. I don’t want that to affect you, especially because it doesn’t matter.”

“Now. Breathe in…”

You softly smiled at him, to which he returned, “And breathe out.”

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“It's pleasant, isn't it?” Peter replied as he began to go in your direction, breaking up your train of thought. He and Mayday gave you a sad look as they walked over to hug your shaky form.

“How-?”

“Y/n, I saw you swinging here after barely teleporting here. What’s wrong?”

You didn’t know what to say. You felt a metaphoric weight on your shoulders as you struggled to tell Peter.

“Was it perhaps…Miguel?” You felt like laughing. Here you were, crying while Peter was acting full-on dad and Mayday was playing with her Spider-Man beanie. It would be a very unusual sight to someone who was just viewing you three at a distance.

“I’m just going to take that as a yes,” Peter said as he sat down on the roof and patted to the space next to him. “Take a seat, Y/l/n.”

You followed his directions and sat down.

It was quiet and a bit windy. It gave you a sad memory and you felt like you were drowning in it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

You felt a rush of anxiety and couldn’t breathe.

“I CAN’T. I CAN’T DO IT, O’HARA," you screeched, scratching Miguel's arm in excruciating pain.

“YES YOU CAN, Y/L/N!! CALM DOWN!”

The two of you were in a mission to stop an anomaly. You were one of the first to start attacking…and one of the first to be badly injured. Your right thigh was impaled with several medium sized pieces of glass from being thrown to a glass building and you ran out of webs to shoot. You froze and wanted to cry, feeling vulnerable.

Miguel went over to try to help you as the other Spiders went to attack said anomaly. You knew each other as friends since you were one of the first Spiders ever to be recruited to the Spider Society so you knew each other pretty well. When he saw you injured, he quickly saved some civilians and rushed to your direction.

“Yes, you can Y/l/n. Look at me. Breathe in.” Your eyes widened as you saw him grab the largest piece of glass. He had 2 pieces of cloth with him. “No, stop looking at them and look at me. Breathe in, goddamn it.”

You stared at him and he gave you a piece to bite down. You tried to calm down as he took the piece out and screamed into the cloth. “I’m going to wrap it up, okay?” He said, earning a nod from you. “Good girl. Now breathe in…”

“…Breathe out.” You said.

“That’s my girl,” He said as he smiled at you and carried you with the rest of the civilians.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Breathe in, breathe out,” You whispered. Saying that phrase now just made your tongue feel bitter. Like eating a sour candy except it doesn’t turn out sweet at the end, but just making you frown.

Peter smiled and turned to you, “Now tell me what happened, kid. People don’t just run away before saying hi to their favorite person, therefore being me? !”

You scoffed, “Peter, no offense but why does it matter to you? You should be focusing on other things other than my well-being.”

Peter raised his eyebrow and rolled his eyes. “Listen, kid. You and the other Spiders like Gwen or Miles, matter to me.”

He covered Mayday’s ears. “Shit, even Miguel. If I see you mopey and sad and what not, of course, I’m going to be worried!”

“Really?” You were shocked. No one really has given you that fatherly attention like Peter has.

The only one who would really listen to you, was Miguel. But you can’t really rely on him now, can you?

“Yup. Now tell me what’s going on? Is everything okay?” Your breath hitched and you froze.

You then took a deep breath, sighed, and smiled bitterly.

“Miguel, he told me he wants me gone from his life,” you said as you felt a sudden pang in your chest.

Just feeling those words leave your lips made the melancholy come back even stronger.

And it hurt like fucking hell.

[therealsanchopanza]

Opinions on the other sinners? Or just the ones you consider your favorites-

Yi Sang: I didn’t really understand him at first. But after what happened in K corp, he’s really started to open up to us. I think he’s a nice guy with a big heart

Faust: I don’t really know what to make of her. I get the impression that she prefers my Sancho personality to Don Quixote, and I feel weird about that

Ryōshū: She scares me. She told me I smell funny. What the hell does that even mean?! I get the impression that she also prefers my personality as Sancho, but probably solely because she likes the concept of bloodfiends because she’s crazy.

Hong Lu: He’s a lot of fun to be around. He seemed naiive at first, but the more I’ve been around him the more I begin to suspect he’s putting on an act, at least to some extent. Perhaps him and I aren’t that different?

Meursault: We’re good friends! I like how he talks plainly and directly, without unnecessarily embellishing, making my Don Quixote speak stand out. Occasionally we’ll have a thing almost like Ryōshū and Sinclair where I’ll ask him something and use lots of long, fancy language and he’ll restate the question very simply and plainly

//in other words, they’re two autistics/neurodivergent folk who bond over their being autistic/neurodivergent

Heathcliff: I didn’t like him at first, I thought he was mean and scary. But by the time we got to the incident on the Great Lake, I realized he’s not really a bad guy, he’s just kind of impatient sometimes. He’s also been tired all the time since our time at Wuthering Heights, which makes me worry about him. What could have happened to leave him so tired all the time? I worry he may be suffering from depression and be trying to hide it.

Ishmael: Ishmael’s a strong, reasonable, reliable person who I can depend upon. She can be a bit sarcastic sometimes, and when she teases me it makes me feel certain things

Rodya: …she intimidates me. Not in the way Ryōshū does, but in the sense that she also makes me feel a certain way. She’s so tall and strong and she flirts with me and teases me and…

A-anyways

Sinclair: He’s the one who really got me out when I was sure I would never see the light of a dream again. And for that I would pin him to the ground and make him feel good if he so wished, and I’m not ashamed to say it.

Outis: I have mixed feelings about her. Since I got my memories back as Sancho, I’ve uhh

Felt more feelings towards women

And objectively, she’s the kind of person that would be true for. But she said some horrible things about me while in the fathoms of ego, and while she cleaned Rocinante for me in apology, I’m not sure I’m fully ready to forgive her yet.

Gregor: He’s a fun guy. He’s similar to Outis in that he has the same sort of wisdom that comes from being a war veteran, but he’s more approachable and laid back.

[ohii-san]

UNKNOWN HOLY NIGHT AND NIGHTHEAD - WHITE CAROL 1

( The next day )

Rinne: Achoo!

Ah… My body’s cold, and my wallet is too…[1]

I shoulda stopped at my first win. If I’d just stopped pushing there, I’d be a lot happier right about now~...

Niki: ♪ ( Eating sweets happily )

Rinne: Hey. You look so happy. Don’t get too excited over that big win of yours, ‘kay?

Niki: Ah. Just ‘cause you lost doesn’t mean you can take it out on me, Rinne-kun!

I mean, Rinne-kun’s the reason I came here in the first place. Isn’t that cruel to say? I’m the one who gave in and went out with you, ya know?

Rinne: Ah, jeez~. Why’d Niki get such a victory while I’m left broke? No matter how I look at it, that feels wrong…

Niki: Well there’s no helping that, ‘cause it’s just the way things are, isn’t it?

I did it just like Rinne-kun told me, I aimed for the hole in the middle… Wasn’t that the point, to aim right there?

‘Cause then, before I knew it, a bunch of balls came out.

Rinne: Tch! That’s just beginner’s luck.

Ah, I’m so depressed. I give so much to that place, compared to ya…

Why’re they being kinder to some amateur first-timer than me, a regular customer… They’ve got an obligation to treat me well, don’t they?

Niki: Mogumogu. Of course Rinne-kun would be looking for kindness and fairness from a pachinko parlor. I wonder if this is the rumored sensor of material desire I heard about?[2]

Rinne: … Don’t look so happy eatin’ those sweets you won, c’mon. And they’re only a fraction of your winnings…

Hey, since I’m the one who invited you out here, those are rightfully mine too. Share them with me!

Niki: Eh?! That’s ridiculous, what kinda argument is that?! … Ah, you’ve seriously taken them already?!

Rinne: Mogumogu… I’m really depressed, so can’t ya be nicer to me?

Look around, everyone around seems happy and probably luckier than me, to boot. Am I the only unhappy person in the whole world? Ah… The world truly is cruel and dark.

Niki: Ah, well~. Don’t start being annoying to everyone around just ‘cause you’ve got bad luck, ‘kay?

Look, look. I want you to look around. There’s Christmas decorations all over the place. Even the sweets I got at the pachinko parlor were Christmas themed, see?

Niki: So, what do you think? Doesn’t it lift your spirits?

Rinne: … Ah? Come to think of it, I guess it’s true everything’s all decorated for Christmas… Isn’t it kinda early for that, though? It’s only November.

Niki: Eh? It’s just like this everywhere lately, though. Even Cinnamon’s begun taking reservations for Christmas cakes.

Rinne: Hm. So it’s Christmas…

Niki: That’s a pretty underwhelming response~. Weren’t you really excited for the Halloween event?[3]

Rinne: That’s ‘cause as the leader, if I don’t keep things lively, our morale as a unit’s not gonna go up either. Besides, if I’m gonna do something as an idol, I gotta make the most of it and enjoy it to the fullest, right?

Niki: Right, Rinne-kun’s just like that, huh~?

He pretends to be a pretty lively kinda guy, but he’s surprisingly calm-headed– or level-headed, rather. You’ve been that way since you started crashing at my apartment…

Rinne: But everyone’s like that. As long as I’m doing this kinda work, I’ve gotta control myself and be conscious of my energy.

Rinne: Besides, as long as I’m with Niki, there’s no need to force myself to act excited.

Niki: That’s true. So then, is Rinne-kun really not interested in Christmas at all?

Rinne: Eh. It’s not really like that…

I don’t mind if we do a live for it or something. It’s just a holiday that never made it into my hometown.

Ever since joining the idol industry, I’ve been given year-end schedules that didn’t gimme any time for Christmas. Besides, to be honest, I don’t have any memory of enjoying it either.

If you go to a pachinko place on that day, you’ll still get all your money sucked away and go home just as sad and lonely as you would’ve otherwise.

All the red and green decorations inside the establishment and along the way home just add insult to injury and make me feel even emptier.

I guess Niki would cook delicious meals back when we lived together, though… I suppose that’s a good memory.

Niki: Ah, now that you mention it… That did happen, didn’t it~?

Rinne: Well, that’s good. Christmas is for the kids to enjoy, ain’t it?

As long as the kids are excited, enjoying themselves and bouncing around, it’s all good. But for adults, it’s just the same as any other weekday.

Niki: Eh~? Rinne-kun, are you for real? I don’t like that at all, though?

After all, it’s Christmas, right?

Niki: Turkey and roast beef and beef stew! Ginger cookies, candy canes, bûche de Noël[4], and the classic strawberry Christmas cake! ☆

It’s a dream-like kinda day for me, ‘cause I get to eat delicious food all day, y’know?! I wish Jesus Christ was born every day!

Rinne: … Didn’t you say something like that about Halloween, too? I guess you’d be happy with any event tied to food.

Niki: Well, simply put, yeah.

Rinne: … Huh? Ah, shit!

Niki: Eh? What’s wrong? You’re looking pretty alarmed at that clock…

Rinne: I’ve got a meeting for work right about… Now.

Niki: Huh?! Rinne-kun, you seriously came to play pachinko even though you had work?! I thought today was a day off for you?!

Rinne: Damn, I overstayed… Anzu-chan said “Absolutely don’t be late!” but, well… I am late, shit.

I wonder if I’ll make it if I run. ES is pretty far, though…

Sigh. It’s gonna be a pain either way~. Anyway, I’m heading off now, so it doesn’t matter!

Niki: Well, it’s a good chance for some exercise, right? Good luck, Rinne-kun!

Rinne: Hm? Why’re you talking like you’re not involved too, Niki. You’re comin’ too, y’know. Rinne-kun will be lo~nely otherwise!

Niki: Huh?! But it has nothing to do with me, really, right?! I mean, you don’t even feel lonely at all, do you Rinne-kun? You just wanna drag me into it!

Rinne: C’mon, let’s go~. Run, run~!

Niki: Ah, he’s already…! You were really serious about this?! Ugh– I’m only doing this for you this once, Rinne-kun!

[1]: the way rinne refers to this is something that can either be translated as wallet or breast pocket, such as that of a suit, where the wallet is kept . he's being kind of defeatist here

[2]: this is internet slang in japanese; basically, it's like when you really really want a card of your oshi, but they just won't come home . the object itself ( in rinne/niki's case, the pachinko machine ) senses your material desires, and therefore denies them ! there's not really a better way to translate this, but hopefully this helps you understand what niki meant better, lol

[3]: referring to spider, which aurora has translated here !

[4]: this is yule log/christmas log !

[wooahaes]

a little less daunting

pairing: non-idol!3racha & gn!reader

genre: comfort fic.

word count: ~0.7k

warnings: reader is Going Through It. food mentions. depression mentions.

daisy's notes: i need them :(

Sometimes it felt like your friends always  knew when you needed them the most. Case in point: they had shown up to your apartment with homemade food while you were in the throes of your third crying fit in the past few hours. The bad part was that they had caught you, but the good part… Well… You trusted them, plain and simple, to be kind to you now. It was hard getting to this point, sure, but the feeling of Changbin’s arms around you was unmatched by anything else.

Chris had taken initiative, his hug warm but fleeting as he called Jisung over to help him set your little dining table so the four of you could enjoy dinner together. Changbin, on the other hand, had settled into his task pretty easily: hugging you. His arms were strong around you, making you silently thankful for how often the guy worked out. He was built like a teddy bear in your opinion (as were Chris and Jisung—maybe you had a type when it came to close friendships…?), and just as snuggly as one. Every time you tried to pull away, he’d whine at you. Of course, you knew Changbin well enough to know that if you needed to get up, he’d let you go the moment you said something. Changbin knew you well enough to know that too much affection made you feel guilty.

So did Chris and Jisung. That was kind of the reason Chris told Changbin to “not let you go” unless necessary. 

“You guys really don’t have to do this,” you said, arms wrapped around Changbin now (he’d let you go long enough to let you turn around, so you could fully embrace how cuddly he was). “I mean it.”

“And I’ve already told you that we wanted to,” Chris was rooting around in one of the drawers. “Did you rearrange shit?”

You suddenly remembered your two-in-the-morning need to do something, to rearrange something, and how that manifested in you dumping out your drawers, washing everything inside, and rearranging everything. There was a reason you’d been using and rewashing the same few utensils for the past few days. “... Maybe.”

Changbin squeezed you a little tighter, raising his voice as he looked to Chris, “Check the other drawer already, we’re hungry.”

Jisung pulled open the drawer closest to the sink and immediately found what he and Chris been looking for. “Why are they over here…?”

“Because I thought moving the drawer next to the sink would make doing dishes easier,” you whined. “And now every time I’m by my microwave, I keep reaching into the wrong drawer.” 

Chris shook his head, already opening up a cabinet to find cups. “I’ll fix it.” 

“You don’t have to—”

“It’s fine,” he said. “When’s the last time you cleaned?”

For a moment, you said nothing. When was the last time you really cleaned…? You’d been decent about bagging up and taking your trash out, but washing things and whatnot? 

“Nevermind. We’ll take care of it,” Chris sighed, shaking his head. Fuck, you failed again. He set the cups aside, making his way over to wrap his arms around you and Changbin. “If you’re struggling, all you have to do is call me. I’ll come over.” 

“Call us,” Jisung said as he quickly approached. “That’s what we’re here for.”

Part of you wanted to refute it. They were your close friends, nothing more—but Chris had always insisted that you all were practically family now. Instead, you stayed silent, and shut your eyes for a moment, just savoring the warmth of having friends who loved you showing it in so many ways. You felt the kiss that Chris pressed against the top of your head before he pulled away, saying something about how he’d looked up some of those recipes you’d talked about before and hopefully made the right one. He’d dragged Changbin and Jisung over to his place hours ago just to make a couple other things for the four of you to share…

And suddenly the world felt a little less daunting, at least for a minute.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @weird-bookworm @jinnie-ret

[beezelarts]

So, I’ve been thinking.

One of my favourite tropes in books, movies or shows is the obsessed artist. A mixture of genius and insanity. So, I’m trying to think of ways in which Bradley and Jake might fit into that category.

For Bradley, it’s pretty straightforward in my opinion. He’s obsessed with proving Maverick wrong, obsessed with flying as best as he can and (but this is kind of a headcanon) obsessed with Jake. He can’t get over how Jake always seems to be the superior pilot, someone who is seemingly better at everything where he himself is lacking. He tries to compensate by telling himself that Jake is a bad team player and arrogant (true, but I think he might still be the better pilot). From the second time watching TGM and rewatching TG1986 it was clear that there are parallels between Mav and Hangman whereas Rooster seems more like Ice. At least when it comes to the way they fly. This might also be a reason for why Bradley and Jake seem to not get along at all. Now, this is purely a headcanon based on what I read in Hangster fanfics: Bradley being obsessed with Jake as a sexual object. While a lot of those stories are advertised as romance stories the way Bradley thinks about Jake and about what he likes about him seems very superficial and oftentimes solely focused on Jake’s body.

In conclusion: Bradley is obsessed with proving Mav wrong and with Jake, either as his rival and/or the object of Bradley’s sexual phantasies.

Now, when it comes to Jake being obsessive there’s a lot more room to play: we don’t really know much about Hangman aside from his tendencies to leave people behind and only care about himself. And of course his callsign. While the movie suggest that his callsign refers to him leaving his teammates hanging or his air-to-air kill (hangman = executioner) I think it’s secretly because of his dyslexia (solely headcanon). Therefore, it must have been a great struggle for him to get through school, the academy, flight school and Top Gun. The fact that he most likely excelled is probably because he, too, is obsessed with flying and being the best.

However, this still leaves his character kind of flat.

One of my favourite shows is Queens Gambit, a series about a young female chess genius in the fifties and sixties who is truly obsessed with the game to the point where she fails to take proper care of herself. (If you’ve watched it you know what I mean, if not… I really wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s on Netflix.)

Something I’ve read in numerous fanfics is how Jake never joins the others whenever Bradley is at the piano playing and singing. And this might either be due to his jealousy towards him because Bradley seems so much more popular and likeable. But today I remembered something my music teacher in high school said. He once told us about this one man with whom he sang in the church choir and how worked up the guy got when people sang off-key. That was because he had absolute hearing and couldn’t handle people singing in a different pitch even if they didn’t sound off-key to anyone else. So, Jake never joins the others because Bradley frequently sings in a different pitch compared to what the original sounds like. This leads to my other not-navy/flying related obsession. Music. It’s either the piano or the violin.

In my head, he inherited this trait from his mother, a great pianist or violinist, started to play at a very young age and became great at it himself. In this case, Jake kind of grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth, a seemingly perfect childhood. However, behind the scenes he has a neglectful mother and an uncaring father who doesn’t bother supporting his wife through her depression and other mental illnesses. The only thing binding Jake to his mother is their common obsession with music. A vivid memory of Jake with his mother is how he’d watch her take numerous pills, downing them with either wine or bourbon before sitting down next to her on the piano stool. As an adult he refuses to take any opioids or anxiety medication and has a love-hate relationship with music because it always brings him back to those moments.

When Bradley and Jake eventually move in together, Bradley finds about Jake’s musical talent. He learns new songs playing by ear because he can’t read sheet music and sometimes struggles to find the right note.

„This song is written in C minor, Bradley. Try with G and then E flat.“

I love this headcanon because it gives Jake so much depth not related to flying and has great angst!potential.

Now, this was a long-ass, poorly structured post. Apologies for that and kudos to everyone who made it to the end. Further questions and suggestions are greatly appreciated! This is a lovely and welcoming fandom ♥️

[sootical]

Permanence

->Wilbur Soot x Reader (hinted but never explicitly stated) ->No use of Y/n ->I tried to be as gender neutral as possible.

*Hurt, minimal comfort, hopeful ending TW: Su*cidal ideation, Self destructive thoughts and actions, SH mentions/references, depression, lots and lots of depression. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Summary: You are stuck in a multi-month long depressive episode, and it's gotten so much worse. You're on your last leg, and you need someone to help you. Good thing best friend(?) Wilbur and his band are there to help :] Word Count - 2.4k

Wilbur Soot. Twitch streamer turned famous musician, heartthrob—you get it. He’s everything anyone could want in a partner. Trust me, I would know. He’s been my best friend since form. And since then, he’s only ever been kind and considerate and just overall an amazing person. What a guy right? With his stupid brown hair that covers one of his eyes when it’s outgrown. Stupid brown eyes that have just the right amount of dark and light brown in them. It’s stupid of me really, to ever hope for a future with him that involves us being more than friends. I can only hope though, right? He’s up there, in the states, singing his heart out on a stage. While I’m stuck, on the other side of paradise–more like purgatory–lamenting on how many people adore him. I’m feeling sorry for myself, rotting away in bed at 2 in the morning. It’s not like I have to work in three hours–whaaaat nooooo… A knot develops in my stomach at the mere thought of leaving my bed. Maybe losing my job isn’t so bad. Wilbur has told me time and time again he’d pay me to edit for him. But I could never make him do that. Never would I take advantage of him like that. I’d feel like more of a burden than I already do. The thought of him having to support me financially makes me want to vomit. It makes my skin crawl, so it’s okay if I waste away. If I end up rotting away in my bed. It’s fine. At least then I wouldn’t be able to consume too much of Wilbur’s time. Taking up too much of his time has always been my biggest fear. To me, it came true a long time ago and I’m finally reaping what I sowed. It sucks really, how I thought I'd have a shot. Just for it all to blow up in my face. Now he’s somewhere in America–having the time of his life. Good for him. Bad for me.

Reaching over, I grab my phone. My coworkers probably hate me. I keep asking them to cover my shifts so I can rot in bed for another day. It’s been like this since–September? It started off just once every few weeks. Now, it being almost December, I’ve not gone to work in over two weeks. What’s the point anymore anyways? I can’t do this. I can’t do anything. Deep down, when I started doing things for myself–I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this. That was two years ago. I guess I’m finally breaking.

Pulling the duvet over my head, I try not to think about how my breath smells, and the uncomfortable way the oil sticks to my face. I shove my head into the pillow. Trying to block out the sounds of people existing below my apartment. It’s so much easier to rot away when people don’t rely on you. When you have no reason for existence. I don’t want to die. But at the same time I don’t want to live. I’m too much of a coward to do anything about it, so I lay and wait. I wait for some omnipotent being to strike me down and judge me for how I’ve managed to mess up any and all relationships I’ve ever had with anyone. Me and Nikki haven’t spoken in almost a year. Me and Wilbur haven’t even seen each other in months My family doesn’t talk to me.

I wish I could say “The world is fucked and everyone hates me.” But that’s not the truth. The truth is I am my own undoing. I have destroyed everything I’ve worked for. Any relationships–platonic and romantic–have fallen through because of my own emotions and insecurities getting in the way. It’s not fair for anyone. Well, anyone except for me. I brought this upon myself. My phone is the only thing lighting up my face. I looked at the time. Suddenly it’s six in the morning, and I’m late for work. The thought makes me want to cry, but I can’t. I can’t tell if it’s apathy—or dehydration. 

I call my boss. She answers. “Where are you?! I haven’t seen you in weeks! I’m worried about you hun, do you need me to call someone?” She opens, sounding both relieved and shocked I even called. I clear my throat the best I can, swallowing saliva feels like eating sandpaper. “I uh..I was calling to let you know I won’t be coming back. I’m quitting. And I’m sorry for not putting in my two weeks. It’s not–” Something foreign is bubbling up in my throat, I force myself to swallow it down. “-It’s not fair to you. And I’m sorry.” I whisper, hanging up shortly after.

I feel terrible for worrying her. I feel terrible for upsetting her. I feel terrible. I am terrible. I’m a parasite. I always have been. Mooching off of others in order to help myself get by. My thoughts fall back to Wilbur. I’ve been mooching off of him for however long we’ve been friends. I want him to be happy. I don’t want him to feel like he needs to be my friend to keep me alive. But at the same time–I can’t do this anymore. I can’t look myself in the mirror and tell myself it’s me. I can’t. I’m not the person I thought I’d become. I’m not the person I thought I was. I’m useless. My phone rings again. I go to decline it, I can’t. 

Wilbur’s face greets me. His contact photo, the two of us at the amusement park I helped them film for Tommy’s vlog channel. We’re smiling. His arm over my shoulder, and my head on his arm. I remember that day. Wilbur held me for a bit while Tommy and Phil were off filming a different part of the vlog with Russ. I was overwhelmed and so was he, so we took the time to chill by the snack stands. He got tommy cotton candy, and we split popcorn even though he couldn’t really taste it. We spent a good time just taking funny pictures with each other. I remember that day, it was a great one.

Tears breach my eyes before I can stop them. A sob ripping through me, I force my face into the pillow to muffle it. The ringing stops. My tears don’t, and that makes me feel so much worse. My chest convulses as my sobs reverberate through the room. I’m a mess. I’m laying in my bed, rotting. Wasting away and feeling sorry for myself. Everything is terrifying, every breath I take reminds me of how I’m alive. Reminds me of how I can’t escape the feeling of impending doom that washes over me. I’m going to die here. I’m going to die. I was never permanent. 

I knew I couldn’t do this. I’ve been lying to myself, little lies, white lies. To convince myself everything was okay. That it was fine for me to fall in love, it was fine for me to believe I wasn’t just taking up space. That I wasn’t slowly getting tired. 

Contemplating whether or not cut myself some slack–but ending up just cutting myself loose. I lift the duvet from my head, staring at the ceiling. My eyes flick to the ground, clothes and food everywhere. Some of it’s moldy. It makes me feel worse about myself. Turning my head, I look to my PC. I should sell it. Someone else would be much happier with it. I haven’t used it in a while anyways. I can’t take care of any of the stuff I have can I? 

My phone rings again, this time I do answer. 

“Oh my god–” I hear multiple people take a sharp breath in. I can’t stop myself from making a small noise of confusion. “Hey..Your boss–called us.” I recognize the voice to be Joe. I lift the phone, checking the caller ID. It was Wilbur again. “Wil—?” It hurts so bad to talk, I haven’t used my voice this much since the end of October. I hear a choked noise and whispers. “We’re gonna—come over there okay? The tour ended last night, no gigs for a while. Wil’s been missing you y’know.” I can’t tell who said that, “I–no. Sorry.” I don’t know why I said that. I don’t know why I hung up either.

Maybe deep down I did want them to help, I do want their help. But logically–It’s for the best.

I swing my legs over the side of my bed, cringing at how my clothes hang off of me. My back hurts something awful. I’m so tired. 

Yet I stand on two feet and walk to my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize them. My hair–too long and too oily for it to be mine. My skin is pale and the bags under my eyes are so dark they could rival a racoon. 

It’s then that my legs decide to give out. I can feel my knees split as I hit the tile. I’m so tired. I look down at the sweater I’m wearing. It’s one of Wil’s. I can’t remember when I put it on. I can’t remember a lot of things recently. Like when this got so bad. Or when my arms started to sting. My eyes are heavy, I can barely keep them open. Maybe a nap wouldn’t be so bad.

When I wake up it’s to voices around me. I’m laying on something warm–It’s moving. I can’t find it in myself to open my eyes. My breathing picks up, and I hear an intake of air accompanied by a hand on my forehead. My eyes are shooting open in fear before I’m trembling. He’s above me, looking down at me like I could break.

I look around, there's two other people. I can barely make them out. Joe and Ash. It’s hard to think. It’s so hard to think. 

“There you are..” Wilbur whispers, his pointer finger gently stroking my cheekbone. “What happened to you love?” I can’t tell if it’s his tone, or the fact he looks so broken. But I can’t stop my eyes from watering and my body from turning into him, hiding myself away. Embarrassment filled me, they’d seen it all. The moldy food, the dirty clothes. They probably saw the abundance of mail I'd gotten as well. People are walking out the room. Not Wilbur, he stays. He stays and makes me look at him. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, I’m gonna help you shower, and they’re going to clean and get you food. Okay?” My eyes widened. I shake my head so quickly it hurts. His face falls, he looks down at what I’m wearing. His face falls even more. “Love…” He whispers. “I don’t–I can’t. Don’t make me.” I whisper. Wilbur wipes away my tears and shakes his head. “No. You’re going to get clean, eat, and then you will sleep for however long you need to.” He lifts me like I’m nothing.

He sets me on the toilet, turning to the tub and turning on the faucet. He waits for it to get warm before he’s plugging the drain and helping me get undressed. He brushes the hair from my face, he frowns at the sight of the back of my head. He looks down at my arms before I can see him clenching his jaw. “We’ll work on the matts too.” He picks me up again, placing me in the tub and going to shut the door. He grabs a towel from the cabinet, as well as a washcloth. He swipes the comb from the counter.

“I’m sorry.” I can’t help but whisper. He sighs. “I know. But it’s alright. We were worried about you.” Was all he said before he’s dousing my hair in water. He keeps a hand on my forehead, stopping the water from getting into my eyes. And with that, he applies conditioner and starts to de-matt my hair. An hour and countless tub refills later, my hair is de-matted and I’m clean. Feeling slightly better too. Wilbur gave me the crewneck he was wearing for comfort, before planting a kiss on my forehead and leaving the room to grab other clothes. The sounds from the outside are a lot less foggy now. I can hear the boys outside bickering and talking. “Are they okay Wil?” “What happened?” “From your face, I can tell it wasn’t good.”

I can’t help but stand weakly, the towel wrapped around me. I look in the mirror. I look a little more like myself. I touch my face, I look pale. I am pale. My hair is a bit longer now. I don’t smell bad anymore. I do feel better, but I can’t help but think I’m making Wilbur do this.

Wilbur reappears, he looks at me and smiles. He hands me the clothing he picked out before leaving the room once again, though he stands just outside the door.

I dress quickly. Slipping on Wilbur’s crewneck once I have my shirt on. I walk out, giving Wilbur a small smile. “You uh–You didn’t have to do this.” He takes my hand and leads me through my now clean apartment. “I did. Because if I didn’t–If we didn’t, you’d be dead right now, or you’d have killed yourself soon.” He says, sitting me down at the table that’s been cleared off. “Now, be honest. When is the last time you remember eating something?” He asks. 

My face drops. That’s the thing–I can’t. “Uh–Tuesday?” I say, like I even know what day it is, his face falls. “It’s Friday.” He deadpans before going into the kitchen, he comes back with Ash, Mark, and Joe. They each have both in their hands. Wilbur has two.

“It’s just soup. Easy on the stomach.” Joe pipes up before sitting on my right, Wilbur sits on my left, and Ash and Mark sit across from me. “We don’t need to talk about things right now, no one is going to make you. But you need to talk to someone soon. Maybe not us, but someone.” Wilbur said, putting his hand on my knee. “Yeah. I think I can do that.” They smile, I eat my soup, and for the first time since September–I feel permanent. 

[unsiredtribrid]

I can’t help but think it’s sort of a pattern that tvdu fans prefer the women that are flashier and more pronounced about everything. Like the amount of hype for Caroline and Lizzie exceeds their counterparts and I think it has to do with a mixture of things.

Like in good faith, Caroline and Lizzie have the relatablility to the audience going for them. Caroline always felt like she ‘was never the one’, which is something a lot of people resonated with, and it’s also been made ‘cool’ to dislike Elena for the same reasons people bash Bella Swan. The writers had Caroline be the mouth piece for dunking on or shaming Elena unecessarily a few times, not limited to but including when she threw it in Elena’s face that her humanity had been off before and called Elena a hypocrite for telling her how bad it was despite the fact it actually wasn’t Elena’s choice and it was forced off by a (what should have been traumatic) sire bond to a man who was abusive to both of them. She was also given that ‘zinger’ (lmfao) where she told Elena she had a gift about making everything about herself when Elena was just attempting to tell her how much she would regret this and it would be traumatic, because she cares about her friend, which was completely reasonable. They went out of their way to have Caroline kind of speak for the audience about Elena at times and idk… It did not land for me, but I think people eat it up. Especially since Caroline also garnered a lot of the love interests and people in the tvdu fandom are mainly about shipping.

Lizzie had relatability to people too, firstly because she was a lot like Caroline. There are also a lot of neurodivergent people in fandom who probably appreciated the attempt at representation there despite Julie fumbling it most of the time. I still think there’s a reason why the gen audience can see Lizzie as so multi-dimensional but less so Josie or even sometimes Hope. This gets ‘worse’ the farther you dip into the casual audience. It’s not bad to have favorites and I’m not trying to shame anyone or say they’re wrong, lol, but I just think it’s interesting that it’s always the flashy characters that are loud and pronounced about their feelings and wants that people gravitate to.

Jenny Boyd gives a very campy, exaggerated performance as Lizzie and people enjoy it. Similarly, Katherine was the Petrova that was the most camp and people loved her the most, usually being dismissive of the others. I saw someone say this and it really stuck with me:

ignoring the mis-spelling of Rebekah because they were cooking. I would go even further and say it’s also, like. People want characters to be transparent about their stance and emotions. Lizzie often voiced where she was at, which is why so many people say ‘well at least Lizzie said she didn’t want to hurt anyone and she seemed to feel bad’. But like with Josie, she didn’t say that part out loud and some fans even noticed that Josie didn’t say I love you back to people most of the time. Like Josie is such a repressed character and she struggles with saying what she feels or wants out loud, which people don’t like as much. Sometimes they even assume worse things about her because of that unwillingness to speak on certain things.

Similarly, Caroline wore her heart on her sleeve and was praised by fandom but then when Bonnie didn’t feel like talking (to Elena or others or whatever) the fandom would jump on/disparage her sometimes or act like it was cruel. And then finally, Elena’s personality is much more muted, especially since we’re told at the start of the story that she’s (in Caroline’s words) in her ‘blah phase’ because of depression. People wrote her off pretty quickly as being boring or bland, and characters like Katherine call her dull and imply she’s bland too. This is seemingly in character for Kath to do so it’s not even a problem, but I think the audience took it as like the actual truth and just agreed, lol.

Idk where I’m going with this but I’ve just noticed that the understated or more repressed f characters in tvdu get less love than the flashier more camp ones. Some of this is just simple personal preference but I still wonder sometimes about all the influencing factors

[btsficsandsuch]

I Wanted to be Romantic

Yoongi begs you to help him contact his ex girlfriend. At first you agree but then you quickly realize that was a mistake, for both you and Yoongi.

Loosely based on Silver Linings Playbook

——————————————————————————

You were currently hanging out with some of your friends. Your best friend Rachel was there and she brought along one of her friends, Mina. You had hung out with Mina a few times but it was only because of the mutual friendship with Rachel. Mina started talking about her ex boyfriend Yoongi and how he had caught her cheating on him so they broke up but now he keeps trying to contact her because he wants to get back together. In her words “she’s so over him so it’s not going to happen.” You were surprised at how she was so nonchalant about the whole situation. You had met Yoongi a couple times too and he seemed like a really nice guy. You felt bad for him. The two of them were heading to a bar to grab a few drinks after dinner but you decided to head home instead. You were starting your new job in the morning, a stylist for the group BTS.

The next day you got yourself ready and made your way over to the set location. The boys were filming a new music video. The lead stylist handed you a package of clothes and told you to head over to Yoongi to help him get ready. You found him sitting in the corner looking very dejected. You felt terrible for him, but you decided to just be professional and not say anything about the Mina situation. You figured he won’t even recognize you anyways.

You walked over and introduced yourself, but he just looked at you with empty eyes. You handed him the clothes and waited for him to return so that you could work on the accessories. After a few minutes he made his way back to you. You were trying to cheer him up by making random jokes and just trying to be as upbeat as you could but nothing seemed to really work. While you were adjusting his shirt he suddenly spoke, “Y/N you look really familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?” You were unsure how to proceed. Should you tell him the truth or just lie to avoid any awkwardness? Figuring he had been lied to enough you answered, “Umm I’ve hung out with Mina a few times. We have a mutual friend in Rachel.” You cringed when you saw his face drop.

He looked at you with big eyes, “How is she? I’ve been trying to contact her but she won’t call me back. I just want to talk things over. I wish I could get a letter to her or something.” You felt so terrible looking at him. He looked so depressed and you just wanted to do anything to make him feel better. You cleared your throat, “I could give a letter to Mina. I see her occasionally when we hang out with Rachel.” Yoongi’s eyes lit up and he jumped up engulfing you in a big hug, “Really? Thank you so much Y/N! I’ll give you the letter tomorrow at the company building.” With that he left to begin shooting the video. You were happy to see that he now seemed to be a little less upset but you were worried about what you’d gotten yourself in to.

The next day Yoongi came running up to you in the hallway, “Y/N here is the letter for Mina. Thank you again. You have no idea how much you’re helping me.” You just smiled, “Of course. It’s not a problem. I think I’m hanging out with her next week.” He gave you another hug before running off.

You spent the next few days working with the boys, talking over what kind of looks they wanted to go for during the big charity concert coming up and taking measurements and things like that. You and Yoongi had started spending quite a bit of time together. You mentioned that you had always been interested in music so he offered to let you in his studio to watch him while he worked on some stuff. He said it was the least he could do. He was so sweet. Always asking if you were comfortable or offering to get you some water. He even ordered dinner for you two one night. Not to mention he had the cutest smile you’d ever seen. You didn’t understand how Mina could cheat on him and lose someone so great.

Today was the day you were hanging out with Rachel and Mina. You were meeting up at Rachel’s apartment to watch a movie. You placed the letter from Yoongi in your bag and grabbed the bottle of wine you were taking as a gift and made your way over there. The movie ended up being more boring than the three of you had thought which led to gossiping instead. Rachel turned to Mina, “So have you heard from Yoongi recently?” You could feel your heart stop as you thought about the letter you were supposed to hand over before you left for the evening. Mina shook her head, “No I think he finally got the hint thankfully. I want nothing to do with him.” You wanted to smack her. This poor guy was devastated and she was annoyed at him. Rachel then turned her attention to you, “Y/N aren’t you working for the same company now? You’re a stylist right? Have you seen Yoongi?” You nodded your head, “Yeah I’ve met him a few times. He seems very nice.”You didn’t want to go into a lot of details. Your blood started to boil again when Mina started laughing and said, “Yeah that was the problem. He was just so boring and plain ya know? He just wanted to cuddle and watch movies and stuff like that when we were together. He said that being with me helped calm him down and made him feel relaxed. I just got tired of being his therapist. I need more excitement in my life.” You were furious and at that moment decided you weren’t going to hand over the letter. Yoongi deserved better.

When you got home that evening you pulled the letter out of your bag and set it on the table, not sure how to proceed. You remembered how excited Yoongi was when he handed it to you and you wanted to see that smile again. You knew it was wrong but you slowly opened the letter and began to read,

“Mina, I hope that you’re doing well. It’s been so long and I would do anything to be able to hear your voice again. I’ve been doing some thinking and I understand why you did what you did. I can be a lot to handle at times and you needed a break. I promise I can change and do better. Please let me show you. I’ve seen a lot of butterflies around lately. I know how much you love them. I think it’s a sign that we should work on this. Please contact me back so we can meet up. Love Yoongi.”

You scoffed at his letter. Why couldn’t he see that he deserved so much better than her? She might’ve loved him at one point but she definitely doesn’t love him now. Luckily the boys were out of the country for the next week so you didn’t have to see Yoongi and it would give you time to figure out what to do next.

You were currently in the wardrobe room working on the boys concert outfits when Yoongi came walking in. He gave you a big hug, “Hi Y/N. How have you been?” You smiled knowing his true intentions were to find out about Mina but being polite you answered, “Good. How was your week out of the country?” He let out a small sigh, “Tiring. Soooo were you able to give the letter to Mina?” Walking over to your bag you pulled out a letter, “Yeah she actually gave me this to give to you.” He snatched the letter out of your hands ripping it open. He began reading out loud,

“Yoongi, I hope that you’re doing well. I’m sorry that I haven’t been contacting you recently. I’ve got a lot on my mind. I think we need to take some time to figure things out. We need to figure out how we can repair our relationship and move forward. If it’s me looking at the butterflies as signs I wouldn’t look too much into them. I don’t really believe in things like that. This isn’t the end though. Take care of yourself. Love Mina.”

Yoongi stood there reading the letter to himself over and over. You weren’t sure how he was going to react. You also weren’t sure if you had done the right thing. Maybe you should’ve just given her Yoongi’s letter and stayed out of it. You were shaken from your thoughts when Yoongi walked over and gave you a hug, “Thank you Y/N. At least I know there’s a chance now. I’m going to work on another letter to give to her.” You simply nodded and watched him walk out the door.

Over the next few weeks you and Yoongi became closer. He’d always stop in the wardrobe room to help you clean up and you’d spend the evenings in his studio while he worked on some music. One night he even invited you over to the dorms for movie night with the rest of the group. During dinner you got into a discussion with Taehyung. He had told you how he had a dream that Yeontan could talk and told him he needed a little brother and he saw it as a sign he needed another dog. You told him you didn’t really believe in “signs” and that Yeontan enjoys being the only child. Yoongi got quiet but ended up taking your side. Afterwards you were in the kitchen cleaning up while the boys were getting the movie set up. Namjoon came walking in and started helping you clean up. When the two of you finished he invited you to sit at the table with him before checking to make sure none of the other guys were on their way in.

He whispered, “Y/N I just wanted to thank you for being there for Yoongi. When he found out that Mina was cheating on him he lost it. We were all pretty worried about him. But since he’s been spending time with you he seems happier. Maybe even happier than he was with her.”

You smiled, “Of course. I really like spending time with him.” Deep down you knew the truth. At this point you wanted to be more than just friends but Yoongi still mentioned Mina constantly and how they’d work things out so you didn’t think there’d ever be any chance. You made your way to the living taking a seat next to Yoongi. You were startled when he wrapped his arm around you pulling you closer to him. You pretended not to really notice and were thankful when Jimin pressed play and the movie began to distract you.

A couple weeks had passed and it was finally the night of the big charity concert the boys were putting on. A show they’d been working on for months and it was going to be played to the biggest crowd they’ve performed in front of yet. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited they all were, especially Yoongi. This was the happiest you’d seen him. The boys were in their first outfits of the night so you were working on getting the next set ready when you felt your phone vibrating in your back pocket. Checking the message it was Rachel letting you know she was at the back door. You had told her you could get her into the sold out show using your connections. You made your way to the back entrance. You spotted her quickly and she made her way over but then you noticed something else that made your heart sink. Mina was following close behind her. You smiled at Rachel as she spoke, “Hi Y/N. Is there anyway that you could get Mina in too? We understand if you can’t but we thought it was worth a shot.” You just nodded, “Sure come with me.” You took the two of them over to security to get their backstage passes and then walked them to their seats. You let them know you had to get back to work and started walking back to the dressing room, praying that Yoongi wouldn’t notice her sitting there.

The show went great. The guys did an amazing job and the fans loved it. Everything on your end went smoothly too minus Jungkook “accidentally” ripping the buttons off of his shirt two minutes before they had to be back on stage so he had to perform the next few songs with his shirt half open. You had finally gotten everything packed up and were walking down the hall to find Rachel and Mina when you stopped suddenly, your heart sinking. There in front of you was Yoongi and Mina talking face to face. He had a big gummy smile on his face. He leaned over and kissed her cheek before wrapping her in a hug.

Your heart broke. You knew it was unlikely but deep down you had thought he was starting to get over her and maybe even falling for you. You thought about all the times he invited you into his studio or to the dorms. All the times he bought you dinner. Or the time he walked you home and took off his jacket to put around you when he noticed you shivering. It all felt like a lie and you felt dumb. He was clearly still in love with her even after how badly she hurt him.

Not wanting to witness any more you turned and sprinted for the door hoping to get home before the tears started falling. In the time it had taken you to run out of the venue Yoongi had walked over to Rachel asking where you’d gone. She let Yoongi know that she saw you running towards the door and before she could say anything else he was running after you.

You were now far enough from the venue that you felt comfortable returning to a walk instead of running. You were just enjoying the silence when you suddenly heard someone shouting your name. Turning around you saw Yoongi running towards you. He finally caught up to you out of breath. “Y/N why did you leave? I thought you were coming back to the dorms with me.” You faced away from him, “You looked like you had other plans.” You started to walk away again but he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter, “I wanted to give this to you.” You were furious. He was seriously going to still have you play his messenger girl when he was just talking to Mina. You shoved him away from you, “Seriously Yoongi? You were just talking to her. Give it to her yourself.”, you shouted not caring how loud you were. Yoongi held up the letter again, “Please just read it. Then you never have to speak to me again if you don’t want to.” You snatched the letter out of his hand and read it out loud,”

“Y/N” you looked up at him and he was biting his lip, a nervous habit of his. You continued reading the letter,

“Y/N, I know you wrote the letter. You were just trying to protect my feelings. Thank you for saving me from even more heartbreak. I love you. I knew it the day I met you. I’m sorry that it took me so long to come to terms with it. Stuff like that is just hard for me sometimes. Love Yoongi.,”

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes, “You knew I wrote the letter but you didn’t say anything?” Yoongi had a gummy smile, “I wanted to be romantic.” You both laughed at his attempt. At that moment he pulled you close and leaned in for a long awaited kiss.