#like not sad or angry just sick
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POV: You’re sad and wanting comfort but the character you’d usually find comfort in was deemed unlikabled and totally undeserving of love by the narrative. So instead of feeling comfort thinking of that character now you just feel even worse. Because every time you try to immerse yourself back into the story they came from you have to constantly be reminded by it that they never got to receive any sort of affection and the story wanted the audience to know the reason was because it never felt they deserved any. Even when intentionally making them sympathetic at moments, at the end it’s clear that they were always planning on kicking the dog with them.
#the dragon prince#tdp#viren#lord viren#tdp viren#viren tdp#tdp critical#every single time I rewatch the scene with viren dying I just feel sick#like not sad or angry just sick#it just feels incredibly off to me like it’s not how it’s supposed to go#like it’s just wrong#and I feel even crazier interacting in the fandom space cuz it feels like everyone feels completely differently then me about him#I get that he was an abusive parent and I don’t think there’s anything fundamentally wrong with disliking him#but oh my gosh where did all this he’s a narcissist and the lesson of his story is karma’s a bitch talk come from?#like the latter is literally the opposite lesson a series like tdp should teach#I get not liking a character but outright mischaractizing them as a result and using your dislike to justify the handling of them#by the narrative is a whole other thing#but I get the fandom’s perspective when the writers have handled his character in such a way that would make him so disliked#what I genuinely don’t get however is why the show seems to hate his character so much#there is evident moments 2 seasons worth even of the show setting him up to be someone that’s not so disliked#and then turning around and saying actually that set up was all a farce he doesn’t deserve any sense of forgiveness or the right to atone#yk how we were exploring how there’s always a choice and you have the freedom to change at any given moment with this character?#yeah well apparently we’re going to show that’s not actually the case by having him going crazy locked up in a jail cell#and showing him yelling at the walls about how he’s free with the symbolism of a spider eating a fly caught in a web to prove that he’s not#and we’ll even drop some hints that he was being manipulated and controlled till the end by a bigger antagonist#(regardless of whether or not the theory is true there are hints everywhere)#like why#just why#I feel like I’m not allowed to like him anymore cuz the show doesn’t want me to lol cuz they’ve decided he’s a bad person to the bone#and nothing could have ever had changed that
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i really truly despise this trope of killing off characters who've been suicidal and believe they have nothing to live for, no redeeming qualities, and can't improve nor enjoy life. and the second they start moving in the right direction, they're killed off for shock value
#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane spoilers#like i'm TRULY sick and tired of this trope it's lazy fucking writing#just because the writers don't know what to do with them#god i'm too angry to be sad
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Religion rant because I reached my actual limit today during family lunch:
Trying to have a normal discussion with my grandmother always ends up in a mess because of her religious beliefs. And that's in my opinion one of the worst aspects of religions like Christianity. People who actually deeply believe theirs is the only true and right faith, absolutely cannot accept other points of view, because to them they are objectively, factually wrong. So any attempt to make my grandmother understand a different point of view on literally anything fails, because she cannot, on a visceral level, accept other points of view, like I wouldn't be able to accept someone trying to tell me that the earth is flat. Because I know the earth isn't flat. And my grandma "knows", because she's a devout christian, that her faith is the only true faith and the only right path. So it's impossible, and I tried so, so hard today, to explain to her that other people might think differently, and that's fine and nobody is being harmed. But to her, not following the faith she thinks is the only right one, is a harm in and of itself. It's actually so damaging to her perception of the world, to her ability to act on that love christians are supposed to have, to her interpersonal relationships too. I don't particularly like my grandmother but I still care about people and I really wish she would break free of that but she's 88 years old and I don't think she will and it's heartbreaking.
#i don't really wanna discuss this I just wanted to scream it out into the void because i felt sick today#she can get so hateful and angry and irrational like it's actually scary sometimes and sometimes it's so sad I feel like crying
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can u explain the hands in ur most recent grian and xelqua comic perchance
the gloved hand is kingdom of valor, the hesitant one in the middle is YHS, and the last was another au of mine bc I couldn’t think of another tragic grian 😭⭐️
doesn’t make perfect sense, but I liked the idea of reference instead of random implications ? @_@ if that makes sense
#Ask#after finding out what KOV was it’s been haunting me for months I feel so bad I have to save him RETCHES#it’s a very stupid series don’t worry abt it it’s genuinely very boring and badly edited#the only context you need is grian gets graphically assaulted twice and vows to kill everybody after#burning down villages and killing innocent people bc he’s angry and horribly traumatized and no one cares abt him#but the other two actors treat the assaults as complete jokes and it’s honestly rly disgusting to hear so ! Now u don’t need to see it.#I get very obsessed with things so I’ve just occasionally felt sad abt this#AUGH man it’s so upsetting why did they even film it as a joke 😭⁉️ only grian took it seriously I feel so sick abt it#it’s like when people misunderstand Berserk 🔪
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guess what I finished watching
#genuinely I am bamboozled#I heard it was bad and I knew it was bad but I didnt realize the scene ITSELF was as horrible as that#its just. genuinely how fucking dare you for doing that#I understand the concept okay#the entire season and show has been foreshadowing eve's own death and I Get the concept of twisting that around#in the sense that her death comes from another's undoing and that her death comes from villanelle's protection#but the execution ????? even putting aside that the ending itself is shit and disingenuous for the characters. the EXECUTION OF IT#thats the part that has Genuinely stumped me#even the reveal at the very end with carolyn- at this point that means nothing#there's no leadup to it happening like I thought there would be it just Happens while theyre being happy and it's all over within 30 second#and then the show Ends#what the fuck#knowing it was coming didnt even help it just makes me more angry than sad#in the last two minutes???????????#goddamn#I am so fucking sorry to u all who watched this season as it aired#that is sick#after all the character development????#okay. I promise I'm done now. what the fuck. I went to bed immediately after watching and woke up ANGRY#sorry for the abundance of tags mygod#killing eve#killing eve spoilers#smokey speaks
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#Need to buy another journal bc i’m so sad all the time and it’s not fair and embarrassing to people who hear me vent#i just wanna be better#i feel like everyone in my life is sick of me#i feel like I’ve become jealous snd spiteful and angry all the time#on god I will buy that tomorrow
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Bad time of it, all things considered (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#Just a bit but y'know - Enough#It honestly made me So sad that it took until his canonmates saw it happen that someone /finally/ acknowledged his spontaneous cuts D:#Like I get it it's dark and it's hard to see but his skin just opened up and he made a noise about it! The possible danger!!#And then by that point he's just so used to everyone ignoring it that their concern for him is barely even a factor weh ZEX ;;#Plus it's just a cool effect haha - sudden blood from nothing! Very rich mental movement#At least Max had someone concerned for him about it <3 Not that he could do anything about it but even just the validation of seeing it!#He has enough cuts on him :( Poor tenderized flesh#He gets all crabby from being sore from healing constantly haha :'D Of course he would!#One thing I found very interesting was the scar sidedness :0 Most of the examples in the gallery have his scar and missing eye opposite#But that's not necessarily the case! I actually scoured mid-read and there /are/ a couple instances of matching side!#They're very tiny so I overlooked them upon first viewing hehe ♪ But they're there! It's very interesting to me!#I like the aesthetics of the opposite - probably because I'm more used to it lol - but I can see the appeal and reasoning for the other way#I do honestly enjoy how much is open to interpretation and allowance uwu♪ And what's consistent! Like how it's always his right eye :D#That tracks hehe ♫#Haha his meeting with his delightfully inept counselor - I'm pretty sure I was actually more angry about his supposed injury than he was#He chilled out pretty quickly while I was just - A Scratched Cornea??? The disrespect!!#So happy with his eyebrow expression on that one as well ah <3#It really does make me curious for how the staff is kept there - they don't /seem/ malicious during the day! But they're also unaware#It's interesting where the lines of reality are between everyone :D Very interesting ♪#Capping off with another song my playlist is looking quite healthy now hehe#Flagpole Sitta is one of those songs that only comes up for me every half dozen years or so but when it Does - phewph#It is /such/ a ZEX song to me now hehe <3 The flirtiness and exasperation - the defeatism even! So many killer lines#I think my favourite is ''I'm not sick but I'm not well'' ask me to read into that I will I'm gonna I'll do it even if you don't ask me lol#So fun to draw those lapses in control the poor dear ♥#The digital reconstruction there was a lot of fun as well actually :D I think I nailed it :3 Pulled around from all over the page! Pleased ♪
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DIVORCE BABES DIVORCEEEE DEKUUUU SO ANGSTY so good MY GOODNESS I love it ahhh the inner turmoil poor reader being left alone
IN A HOUSE YOU BUILT TOGETHER, the same one you’d thought you’d grow old in, with extra bedrooms and a pretty backyard🥺… suddenly alone in the extra large bed Deku picked out to help his back, alone in your bathroom with two sinks and extra wide shower that still has his conditioner sitting there, rotting there, in the corner.
Do you box up his stuff immediately? Do you keep it exactly where it was left, his shirts next to yours in the same dresser?
You know he’s not coming back, you don’t even want him to if he was this willing to give your life together up, but part of you still isn’t convinced that is it: the end. Surely he’ll at least return for his favorite mug, his workout equipment, his All Might figurines-
(But he doesn’t. Not for years at least, not until you’re finally trying to heal and move on and stop shaking at the sight of his name in the news. You’d have always rather he left you at the altar than abandon you the way he did, at least then you could convince yourself it wasn’t your fault—which is what he tells you when he finally does came back and you’re collapsing on the floor.)
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(And if you have a child, the way you have to put this all aside just to care for them, putting the only effort you have left into raising an entire human not to be as naive and stupid as you.)
#deku#LIKE HELP#and he comes back and all you can do is cry!!!!!!!!!!! just like when he first left!!!!! you just don’t understand what’s going on!!!#it wouldn’t have been so bad if he just told you he was leaving sent you alimony gave you a reason to hate him#but he didn’t. it was nothing. no words. and now he’s acting like it’s forgivable#you want to be angry but you’re just hurt#and the sad thing part of you was waiting to see him again at least to get some sort of closure#you always imagined how you’d try to kill him but … you can barely even look at him without feeling sick#he should’ve stayed away - what you tell him when he asks what he can do to make it better#you try to get there tho … eventually#the Adele quote made me laugh lmaoooo#caitie things#divorced deku#gen#anon
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Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does
Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.
#speculation nation#i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today#because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore.#i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold#8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me.#he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here#but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore.#im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am#genuinely shaking rn. im so upset.#this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like#shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE#YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS#'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“#WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+#and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended#im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now#i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM#negative/#sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly#im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry#and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to#like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB#0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company#i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place#because fuck this place and fuck him#i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts.#im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.
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i hold so much more anger than anyone around me realizes
#like id beat my father to death with my bare hands if given the chance#and all those men for what they did to me#im so sick of ppl saying i need to forgive people who are not and never will be sorry. why should it be on ME to be the 'bigger person'#I WAS FOUR YEARS OLD WHEN IT STARTED.#im angry i never got to be a child and now its too late. now im 22 and just as fucked up as i was when it was still happening#i do not consider myself a violent person but thinking of what my abusers did all the time makes me so fucking mad#how can you do those things to a child & live with yourself. i dont fucking get it#i dont need to forgive ANYONE if i dont want to. the ppl telling me that dont even know All of what happened to begin with.#milo murmurs#csa vent#tw csa vent#csa tw#add that to being easily irritated due to ptsd and weve got a lovely mess here lol#im so tired of feeling like shit all the time but idk how not to rn#also. OBVIOUSLY i do not desire to commit murder. im just sad & pissed off that they got away w everything & i have to deal w it
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6 weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke…..
🏝️🤙🏄🏾♀️🏄🏼♂️💔
#seemed appropriate to use t swift lyrics since I associated so many of her songs with them &haven’t been able to listen to any of them sinc#I don’t even want to say their names#if you know you know#purging them from my life has been depressing as hell#I’m so fucking sick of behind the scenes bullshit ruining my favourite ships#this is the THIRD TIME this has happened to me btw#I’ve genuinely been in mourning#I’m not even exaggerating when I say that finale triggered a days long anxiety attack for me#it’s so ridiculous how something that wasn’t even real caused me to have physical symptoms of distress but it’s true#my heart wouldn’t stop racing. chest was tight. started shaking a few times. felt lightheaded. couldn’t sleep. eating made me sick#it was awful#but now I’ve mostly moved on to anger#I’m angry at a lot of people involved for different reasons#I’m also angry because I’ve lost my inspiration to write#I was solely committed to writing about them the past few years and now that they’re over I have no desire to write for them or another shi#I’m crushed that I’ve lost my joy for writing those ficlets but it’s too painful now. probably always will be tbh#feeling pretty lost creatively…#thank god I made a new friend on here before shit hit the fan#she and I have been venting out our sadness and frustrations together and it’s helped a lot#I hope everyone else in the fandom was able to find support like I did#I know my exit from the fandom was abrupt but I had just finished watching and was reacting purley on raw emotion#but I still think it was my best way to cope with it all#apologies for the rant and to everyone following me who don’t know wtf I’m talkimg about but I was thinking about them today#and I needed to unload a bit#I’m not going to tag anything but I do miss this fandom terribly#I’m still at a point where I don’t want to hear anything about this show or ship ever again… but yeah… I really miss those good times#take me back to the season 3 hype#THIS is the bad place#personal#laura says things
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Listening to "Out There" from the Hunchback of Notre Dame again and I'm like damn that really is a q!Fit and Madagio song huh
#i talk#qsmp talk#''All my life I watch them as I hide up here alone / Hungry for the histories they show me''#''All my life I memorize their faces / Knowing them as they will never know me ''#He is the historian after all#It's his job to tell these tales#Though that song would definitely paint q!Fit as a gentler person#Maybe it would be his younger self before the 2b2t mentality wore him down#guhh it's been a bad morning#Saw some sad FitPac stuff that made me mad then saw some Real Bad untagged upsetting stuff (not fandom related) that Did Not Help#I gotta go back to my old rule of only following blogs that tag stuff. Nobody tags anything these days o(-(#Anyways. Can't do anything about that but CAN do stuff about the FitPac stuff#working on the fic then I'm going to finish that QSMP finale edit#because I'm sick to death of people saying Pac's dead#sighs#I really gotta start distancing myself from the fandom if I'm getting mad about angst#I got too attached to Fit and Pac. I saw too much of myself in their story#I'll always be angry about the admin stuff and poor management ofc but I'm still also just mad they never got a happy ending#it's certainly not as grim as the fandom likes to portray it but man...
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like i just can’t believe it’s over. frasier crane you are simply the goat. grieving what my life would’ve could’ve should’ve been alright
#genuinely sick to my stomach what do you mean i can’t just. text her whenever i want anymore. or smile at her face. or laugh with her. what#i feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me in the absolute worst way i do not understand. like i’m angry even#and my parents are being so supportive and understanding but i wish they would stop asking me how i am bc it is just reminding me of Sad#anyways. i’m doing really really well. obviously. how are you guys#stop talking abbie
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i feel so empty and unfulfilled.
#i should be happy. normally i’d be happy. why can’t i be happy.#i just feel empty or angry or sad or disappointed. i don’t feel like myself at all#idk i feel really sick#mine#personal
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i need something niceys im having such a bummer time rn
#bummer tags incoming -> sorry for getting my gross sad all over you if you read them#my mums pretty sick with two things rn and my dad is.. my dad. my grandmas in hospital again and her memory is getting confused#im lonely and i have like one friend irl and i just want a hug and im so conscious of how naive and childish all my problems are#and then some people in online games are mean to me and its just the little thing that tips me over the edge and makes me cry a bit#so i feel really stupid even More now bc thats such a . babyish thing to do :( im so embarrassed by how easy it is to hurt my feelings#or make me upset or angry or sad when i should get over it. i should have thicker skin but i dont im just Really Bummed Out Right Now Pals#monologues#i always seem to nosedive my mental health around this time which. (a) sucks bc october is when my birthday is so thats a BAD present#and (b) seasonal depression is meant to happen when youre going into WINTER not when when you go into SUMMER. why this happen 2 me :(#im just a little guy :(
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i didn't think the leopards would eat my face!!!!!!!!!!!! (all of my professors cancelling classes in solidarity with the student union strike)
#teeth.txt#*through gritted teeth* solidarity. forever.#to be clear i do think this is a good thing i just didn't expect it and i like going to my classes despite how much i bitch abt it#so i'm just a lil sad.#but also maybe this will just get admin to respond faster#they sent out some thinly veiled panic emails this morning#anyways i think this is me being a little cosmically punished because guess what happened four years ago#during the last semester of my senior year of high school#actually i think maybe that's part of why i'm maybe more affected/upset than i would otherwise be. lol. lmao even#welp. guess i'll go ahead and stand on the picket lines since i actually don't have anything else to do now#also when i say 'all my professors' i mean two bc two of my classes are being taught by the same prof#double also allegedly she's just uh. 'sick' but i'm pretty sure she just doesn't want to say it's a solidarity thing#bc the faculty union members are technically not supposed to do those#and then my other prof is a visiting professor so i think he might not be a part of the union or just doesn't care bc he was like#yup strikes on. no class tomorrow gang#welp. gonna go write some angry emails to admin
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