#like its not good in either version idk what to tell you!

[marklikely]

it was really funny when mean girls 2024 came out and all the broadway fans were having a fit over how much "worse" the music is but whenever theyd play a stage musical clip for contrast it would still be some of the worst shit youve ever heard

[emo-batboy]

Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

SO

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another. 

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

[lokh]

what do you think toshiro's version of laios would've been like if he was still with the group during the shapeshifter shenanigans

there have been a few speculations in the tag and among the fans and they are all very good SO i am going to take this opportunity to insert a bit of my shipping bias as i like in my interpretation LMAO agdsfgdfgv

i noted that in actuality shuro seems to have a very good grasp on laios' character??? this is most obvious in the manga later on but even seeing how he criticises laios in their fight... iirc nothing he says is actually untrue or wildly exaggerated, and while he does express frustration over something he feels like laios Should have control over (noticing his cues), he is also aware that laios isnt being malicious and that hes Just Like That. what i mean to say is that while i think his version of laios may seem more pushy and in-your-face, i dont think it will be overwhelmingly so. if its post-fight, i think the idea of laios (and marcille) being willing to do anything to get falin back made a big impression on him, as well as the idea that they need to eat and rest in order to succeed in their goals, so those aspects would be prominent in his version. he seems pretty observant, so i think for the most part the physical traits would line up, but i think there would be specific things that stand out to him that would appear strangely striking on his version of laios (like. idk something about his eye colour or the subtle contrast of his armour and chainmail. he seems to have a weird sense of aesthetics if extras are anything to go by lmao). if hed actually been paying attention all those times laios had gone on about what the hell ever, then it might be even MORE hard to tell apart his version since he would also have a good grasp on what laios should know. so either his version of laios is pretty difficult to pick out, OR despite the character being accurate his appearance is too. stylised lmao (exaggerated features or something) OR!! they just get him to pull out his monster gourmet guide thing and are able to tell from there. iirc everyone was surprised at its appearance so its possible toshiro had also never seen it before

IN MY IMAGINARY SHIPPING SCENARIO............ lets say that his laios isnt able to be picked out immediately and that the monster guide thing also doesnt immediately occur to anyone. what the real laios Specifically notices is how close this other laios keeps getting to shuro. and hes like. ??? why is he getting so close to him, theres no way i get that close to him??? but no one else seems to be picking up on it as weird, so hes having a small crisis like do i REALLY get that close to him???? and now that hes on the outside he notices shuro subtly leaning away and he feels both a wave of shame and..... protectiveness??? (JEALOUSY??????) and he immediately steps in and grabs him like Hey!!! cant you see hes uncomfortable???? weve been through this already!!! and like. ok i cant believe im doing this again but i need to separate this into different endings

a) the whump route: i dont think shuro ever envisioned Actually Telling laios about his frustrations outside of being basically cornered into it. has he ever spoken up against what was expected of him?? has he ever been confrontational???? i think part of what held him back from expressing his frustrations, along with the cultural norms, could be fear of what the reaction would be. if he had done the same in any other aspect of his life (his family, his inheritance), i think he would expect disappointment, disapproval, more proof that he doesnt add up to expectation. to be honest i dont think he Truly believes that laios is the type of person to react like this. but it was strong enough to prevent him from acting and i think would be projected onto his image of laios. maybe fake!laios says something dismissive like Well if it really bothered him hed say something right? what, he cant even stand up for himself? cmon, shuro, prove that you cant handle it just like everything else. and thats pretty much the fastest giveaway that it isnt really laios. of course this would be a HUGE tonal departure from what the actual episode/chapter was, so:

b) the dumbass route: both laioses break into fisticuffs, and, yes.... barking. and so they speedrun the entire encounter as the shapeshifters true form appears and, after laios points out that thinking too hard about others versions of you can tear apart groups and peace of mind, they pointedly do not speak of it again. they think about it though. a LOT

c) the normal route: both laioses argue normal like and the group ends up being able to tell them apart because the fake laios goes on a little too long about how theyre all here for falin and everyones like ok its not like he DOESNT love his sister but.......... the rest of the scenario probably goes like canon, though then i would want to see what everyone Else thought of shuro

[thatdeadaquarius]

Okay so-- i was reading some sagau posts and came across this one where the reader was an army vet and my brain just Did Its Thing--

So now I'm here to inflict this on to you--

Would guns be considered as catalysts. And would they only do Phys Damage.

Me reading this ask:

😶 😐 🤨 🧐 🧐 😰 🥲 😭😭😭 💀

STOP YOU'VE INFLICTED ME WITH PSYCHOLOGICAL DMG FROM THIS ASK 😭

(Also srry took so long to respond, when i didnt realize how short this was/was just sitting over here 😓)

^ For the sake of gun imagery being a lot/maybe staff might hate me for it,

we'll put this gay shit instead (i almost mispelled to "gay shot" lmao)

☆

Sun: Army Veteran Reader, Gender neutral Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: SHORT Headcanons

Stars: everybody bc i think itd be funny

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: gun stuff, mild violence, mild cursing & Trigger Warnings: Gun fun everywhere

THIS ASK HAS ME GIGGLING TO MYSELF LIKE A MANIAC

You're out here having a whole gun they let you take for off-base

And u ofc have a license so u can conceal carry

(idk how non-american gun laws work, but tbh ours are so fucked idk how they work here either, just that an army guy i knew once could have his gun when he got back home)

And ofc ur just paranoid enough (more like it just makes u feel safe)

That when u get yoinked into a portal to a silly little brightly colored gacha game fantasy world, the gun comes with 💀

Id like to add in my silly little "ur in a video game, so video game rules" AU version of genshin so:

The only other gun (ish) wielder (Mika) has unlimited bolts

Sooo I'd think your gun would be the same jfc lol

NO BC YOUD SCARE THE ACTUAL SHIT OUT OF EVERYONE IN UR VICINITY IN A BATTLE

BC GUNSHOTS ARE A DIFFERENT TYPE OF LOUD

When u first stumble into abyss monsters/hostile creatures of the realm, u nearly scare off a Lawlachurl bc every shot's like thunder to these bitches😭

So not only the monsters but the vision holders think u fucking summoned lightning

OMG THE BULLETS ARE SO FAST THEYD PROBABLY NOT SEE IT

ESP BC DISTRACTED BY GUNSHOT LOUDNESS

SO U AIM THIS LITTLE BLACK CROSSBOW (???) AND THINGS JUST DIE (OR GET RIDDLED WITH HOLES) WITH NO CLEAR ARROW STICKING OUT

STOPP- you're becoming a witchy god or smth to all of Teyvat bc it just looks like hella high level magic atp to them LMAOOO

Rumors of you get out of hand and say u just point or snap ur fingers and things get wounded/just die on the spot 💀

Oh another difference between Teyvatians seeing ur gun vs. crossbow (what they know)

Is that guns are wayyyy more destructive

Like an arrow would get shot but it'd bounce off of things like rock or wood or metal, maybe dent a little depending on how close

But a bullet goes thru that shit so easy, and leaves a whole little explosion behind, once again depending on range

(I once saw a Mythbusters episode? of them proving bullets would definitely go thru car doors, like movies lied to u, this is why drive-bys acc work like for gangs)

Lmao, the image of you in like full armor with a Teyvat made automatic gun after showing it to blacksmiths

Makes u just more convincing as a god, esp bc military training

(Ppl like Gorou and Kokomi begging for military tactics/training ur world has done)

...

....Ok.

I'll address it.

But only so u dont think im stupid later.

Yes, the Fatui have guns.

No, this not the same as having a glock LMAO

End of story.

(Also, urs runs on bullets, whereas the Fatui rely on magic/delusions to power theirs, plus they dont seem as fast or destructive as urs, more "explosions aimed at you" than real bullets)

Which,,, u leave the managing of ppl copying ur gun to ppl like the Qixing or smth, but make sure to give them advice on good gun laws if teyvat accidentally revolutionizes bc of ur advanced gun that anybody can wield (non-vision users)

Thats the best ive got abt that

Oh, also enjoy being praised as a War god now.

:)

☆

... dammit i had smth i was gonna tell u guys-

Uh what tf was it, it was important

OH

Next post is the Eldritch God Oneshot! Look out for it :) !!

☆

Safe Travels Kid,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

[outro-jo]

skz and their black cat partner

pairing: skz members x (gn) reader

type: headcanon?

warnings: none really

request: yes?

notes: i got an interesting request and i wasn’t sure how to go about it until i saw this svt reaction and so i went more this route

how i personally define a black cat personality: dark energy/vibe usually accompanied by a dark aesthetic but doesn’t always have to. not super fond of affection or prefers affection on their own terms. sassy with good quips and comebacks. has an interest in “darker” topics such as horror, the occult, “dark” psychology, etc. chronically unbothered. FIERCELY protective once you gain their love/loyalty. occasionally unhinged and feral (gets the zoomies whether physical or mental/verbal). big scorpio energy tbh

not taking requests at this time/clearing out inbox

masterlist | info

————————————

chan- think of how he is with lee know and seungmin sometimes. yeah. like when you’re sitting there like 😐😒, he’s squishing you and sticking his face in yours affectionately. you’re his baby. there are times when he respects your space but for the most part he’s all over you. most of the time he’s the protector but there have been a few times he’s seen your protective side and the pride he feels???? omg

lee know- omg he loves it sm. he already has the sunshine to his grumpy with some of the other boys. so you’re just like him. his fav thing though is when you get a burst of energy (zoomies) usually at the end of the day and you’re just goofing off with him. he LOVES to tease you. not rly the way chan does where it’s all cutesy but he just kinda pokes at you… physically and metaphorically. he just loves having someone he can chill with and really be himself.

changbin- so he likes to play that he’s this dark boy but he’s really a softie. he gets kinda nervous sometimes when you’re too quiet that he’s done something wrong but you do this thing where when you’re sitting together you take his hand and put it where you want affection at that moment. like you’ll just hold his hand or put his hand on your head and he just :> “oh so you do like me???”

hyunjin- he’s finally found someone as sassy as him. the funniest thing (for others really) is when something happens and you both kinda share the same look of confusion and disgust (judgement). everything is just really calm and lowkey with you, which he loves but then when you’re both alone you kinda bounce off the walls together.

han- beast boy x raven (gn) vibes. like he is an absolute SIMP for you. he thrives with a darker, kinda emo or goth partner. even if that’s not rly your aesthetic, he just likes having a partner that’s more lowkey to balance him out but whenever you do get your bursts of energy he always matches it and it’s kinda magical. you’re the one usually teasing him and it’s funny bc it’ll either fluster the hell out of him or like he didn’t even catch it. you 1000% become like a security blanket in human form for him.

felix- grumpy x sunshine. now, he’s not the type to poke fun at you or anything or tease you when you’re in your more quiet, grumpy moments. he just kinda sits there like the sunshine he is and loves you through it. damn, is he cute. he has you melting instantly but you obviously can’t show that. he loves to cuddle you even when you’re stiff as a board, unsure what to do with affection. felix also does this super 🫠🫠🫠 thing where he randomly tells you you’re pretty (✨gn✨) AND ITS ALWAYS WITH THE CUTEST FACE SCRUNCH and then gives you a little peck leaving you like 🧍🏻😳

seungmin- you two actually have similar energy but he’s like the dog version? i wouldn’t necessarily call him a black lab or anything, he’s just kinda the puppy version of you. (idk how to make it make sense. iykyk) you two just kinda vibe together and enjoy each other’s company without having to say a lot which is super nice. you just have this like rhythm and comfortability with each other that is just so ✨✨✨. there’s also this insane sixth sense with each other where you both feel out what’s going on in the room and know what to do without saying a word to each other. the amount of times where y’all have been hanging out with friends only to get up and leave without any notice to anyone else to be like, “yeah, we’re gonna go” bc both of your social batteries have drained and you two just need to go watch some tv. you’re both also incredibly protective of each other when necessary.

i.n- he just finds everything you do so adorable and endearing. think wednesday and enid but he doesn’t rly have the enid aesthetic, just vibes. you have more of a dark side which he admittedly kinda loves. you could be sitting there sharpening knives and he’s like, “aren’t they the cutest!” (exaggeration but you get the idea) you just exist and he’s your biggest fan though. omg you smiled at him once (kinda sarcastically) and it made his whole year.

[hotluncheddie]

I'm on that autistic Steve shit!!!! (sorry no hc of Eddie.... can only focus on Steve ❤️)..... my favorite favorite favorite autistic Steve hc is that he is so so charming so charismatic so cool but it's entirely an act..... like he learned it from books and movies and watching other people and like his emotional / social intelligence is thru the roof bc of that.... I think I saw it described in a fic once as "he knows exactly what people want to hear"..... and I think he does revel in being a chameleon and doing that but of course it's draining!!! my fav is him letting the mask down in front of Very Important people..... I'm writing a fic rn where when Steve tries to mask around hopper he's like "boy stop that you know you don't have to do that here"..... I get such such terminal Nothing Face after a long day and I like to think Steve does too and he's worried Eddie will find it off-putting the first time he shuts down and still wants to hang out with him..... but Eddie is so so endeared by it and is very gentle with him "you ran out of faces, huh baby? that's alright" .....

2jug2head “you ran out of faces, huh baby? That’s alright.” That honestly melted my heart. I had to curl up in a little ball to deal with that.

It’s !!!!! So !!!!!! Sweet !!!!!!!!!

and omg having Hopper be like that with Steve, letting him know in that blunt, simple Hopper way I'm !!!!!! thats so good !!!! I will love love love to read that fic when u finish it !!!! pls tag me if u post it !!!!

but yeah I really really hc Steve as being super high masking, very capable socially, very able to read people. he's used so much of his life to think about others and be what's best in any possible situation. he always wants to be perfect in his interactions with people, wants to 'win' at it. wants to be the best version of himself for every person that he meets. and he mostly does. he's good at it, he's smart and a lot of people follow the same sort of conversions, expect similar things. he’s been around enough people and been in enough situations to have scripts and reactions to most scenarios. he can recognise patterns well and so he does that, but with people, over and over and over. so much so that he doesn't even think about it now, doesn't really even realise what he doing.

he’s very capable, very good and smart socially, but it's to his detriment. it means no one really knows him. it means he doesn't really know himself.

it's like he's a little perfect puppet and when he's alone it feels like this freak monster comes out; with all these feelings and thoughts and emotions that he doesn't know what to do with, doesn't know if they're normal. and he doesn't know how to tell anyone about it either, how to express it or talk about in the right way.

because he's so so scared of being made fun of, or being alone; of being told off, or being weird. and sometimes it makes him so sad, because he doesn't always know how to stop - he's so quick to respond wth his scripts that he forgets to think about what he really thinks, really feels. and he can't stop.

to unmask, at times, most times, feels herculean - to show someone who you really are? that feels impossible. terrifying. to ask for time to think? to risk saying something wrong? being honest feels deeply unnatural somehow - to be honest about how he feels, what he thinks, what he needs. he just, he's never done that before...

so when he's navigating these people, these relationships he so so cares about. with Robin and Eddie and Dustin and Hopper, even.

this is the slew of feelings he has to wade through when trying to be close to them, to keep them, to do what they ask of him. this is what he has to work through. and sometimes, sometimes they act as if it's so easy. as if it is so easy to say the honest truth when asked 'what's up?' or 'what do you think?' or 'what do you want?'

that's not easy, its never been easy. and it makes him feel like a freak once he realises it should be.

-

yeah idk that got kind of sad, sorry. but like. this is where I imagine him, when you get to the good, lovely, cozy, wonderful parts. I just, I think this is the thing, my lovely wonderful high high high masking Steve - this is what he's going through to get to the good. and its hard.

[365granitegirlx]

NSFW Alphabet

₊˚ ୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧˚₊

Sub!Vessel Version

₊˚ ୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧˚₊

afab!reader

a/n: I have a multiverse of head cannons for Vessel. I’ll probably use this format for ✨fleshing things out✨This feels like the smuttiest thing I’ve done on here. Idk. Enjoy!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Aftercare with Subby Vessel can go either way. Sometimes he’s the one taking care of you. He’ll do whatever you need—hold you, get you a snack, give you space. But the praise will be constant. He’ll thank you for whatever you did to/with him, tell you how incredible you were. He’s just happy to be here 🥺 If you’re taking care of him he’s gone nonverbal and just giggles and hums happily as you play with his hair.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Vessel’s really really proud of his whole-ass torso. Honestly. Just look at the difference between the 2018 Download Festival and the TOG tour. Baby boy has 👏🏻 PUT 👏🏻 IN 👏🏻 THE 👏🏻 WORK! He’s loves when you rub your fingers down the ridges of his muscles but he REALLY loves it when you use your mouth (argue with the wall, he loves having his nipples played with).

His favorite part of YOUR body is any nook he can find. The crook of your neck is perfect for kissing, sucking, biting, breathing you in. The valley between your breasts is soft and yummy and good for nibbles. Oh…and the spot between your legs 🤭

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Subby Vessel loves cumming inside you (it’s nice and safe in there!) but he also loves when you make him watch himself cum. He’ll cum in your mouth but you rest the tip juuust on your tongue and keep your mouth wide open. If you’re giving him a handjob you tell him to watch as he cums on his pretty tummy. Then you tell him what a mess he is🥺

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s been trying to figure out how to talk to you about light pet play 🤭🐶 he just wants you to call him “puppy” and “good boy” and be spoiled like a lil animal.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

In general, he knows EXACTLY what he’s doing. The quantity of partners is irrelevant because the quality is AMAZING. But in terms of being subby, that’s a little new to him! Sometimes he gets a little shy when going into his subspace and it’s hard for him to relax and get going.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Intercourse: missionary. He wants to see how you react and he feels so good and encouraged when you hold his neck and call him a good boy! Close second is seated cowgirl. He loves to hold you close and hide in your chest as he whines and moans.

Handjob: he either likes to be the little spoon or a get a reach around while he sits or lays between your legs

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He doesn’t mean to be goofy but sometimes he’s just so darn cute when he gets flustered from you playing with him. It’s hard not to share a giggle.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

We all know now that he has a cute lil happy trail, but in my hc it leads down to a nicely trimmed patch. He uses a guard on his trimmer to keep some length. You begged him to keep the happy trail, and he agreed the second you dropped to your knees and licked up its length.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He is SO happy to be with you like this. He feels really vulnerable being subby but he trusts you so much. Sometimes you two break the (already loose) dynamic just to kiss and whisper sweet nothings

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he’s not with you (like if you’re at work) he’ll get himself off and text you all about it. Sometimes he’ll text you the aftermath and ask if he did good 🥺 (I actually dreamt that. I’m serious. It was glorious)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He wants to try pet play but nothing too degrading or humiliating. Just something fun and brainless! He loves to be praised but also loves to be teased! He thinks your light degradation and condescension is really sexy. Other than that he just likes to be in his subby space and be your boy toy.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He won’t actually fuck you in public but he’ll kiss and covertly grope you or rub up against you. His favorite spots are the bed and the couch in his home office because they comfy and easy to maneuver on.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Vessel is motivated by you two getting to turn off your brains for a bit and just indulge. He loves it when you lightly scratch his scalp…that alone gives him a semi🥺

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He doesn’t want either of you to receive pain or injuries beyond hickeys and soreness. He also doesn’t want to wear any fetish gear. He also never ever wants someone else to join 😡

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Blow jobs: he likes to either stand or lay so you can get a good look at him before you start. Maybe you’ll even compliment him 🥺 when he’s good he gets to hold the back of your head and face fuck you until you make him stop

Pussy eating: he’ll be the first to admit that he doesn’t really have a method to his madness but my god he’ll make you see stars. He moves around a lot to make sure he’s all up in your business and that you’re enjoying it. Those long fingers are up in you before you know it while he licks you. Oh and those eyes when you look down to watch them 😫

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He wants you to set the pace. He likes it when you take your time together but he secretly lives for when you tell him to just let loose. He’s rough and frantic but he’s able to edge himself so it doesn’t end too soon. He’s loves to get permission to be a scrappy, naughty little guy and pound into you like it’s going out of style.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

When he’s feeling subby he doesn’t want it to end quickly at all! He wants to luxuriate in it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He isn’t risk adverse by any means but as I said earlier, he doesn’t want either of you to feel hurt or totally dehumanized. He’s willing to try new things if that’s only a little part of the session at the beginning. Then he expects to be cooed over with all his favorite things (read: eating you out and hearing what a pretty boy he is)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go 2-3 times on a good day. He loves to lay back and let you make him cum as much as you want him to and where you want him to. Sometimes you’ll go three times without him even leaving your pussy. It’s so fun to sit in his lap, cock warming him, and watching his face as he tries to relax from the overstimulation but then wince because you’re tightening around him (for fun).

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He has no need for toys on himself but he LOVES to watch you use yours. He isn’t threatened at all by how it fucks you or sucks your clit— it’s just the best free, ethical porn on the planet.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Subby Ves doesn’t tease, he just likes to be a brat sometimes by playing coy when he wants something. He’s blush and hide a little in the pillows. What a sweet little dummy 🖤🤭

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

CEO of whimpering and whiny moaning. That’s all.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

There’s plenty of signs pointing toward this man having an oral fixation of some sort but he loves to bite and suck. Even just your arm or thighs he’s giving you little chomps. It actually makes you feel subby sometimes and be his chew toy.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I am NOT in the Prince Albert camp at all. What I do believe is that it’s LONG and uncut.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

You two have sex often but he isn’t always subby during. When he wants to be subby, he is sooooo horny. Like pathetically rubbing against you and whining in your neck saying “pleeeaaassseee”

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Being subby actually gives Vessel the zoomies. After he freshens up he usually spends a few hours playing something on XBox or PC, having a little snack, and info dumping about something as you rot on the couch and recover.

[snifekinner]

based on my favourite insulting horoscopes meme, i give u:

insulting you based on your favourite hetalia character

france: every surface in your house is sticky and i wouldnt sit on any of them. i would ask you to clean between your toes for once, but u wont see this post because that would require taking your hands out of your pants.

england: you are very self conflicted; you feel the need to assume an ironic stance at all times which you think makes you look intelligent but actually just makes you look a prick. everyone is sick of your condescending attitude. grow up.

germany: if you want something done, you'll do it, even if it involves walking directly through a brick wall like the kool aid man. your nerve and commitment is second only to your chronic denial of danger. you are an idiot and you're gonna die young.

italy: you are a sweet, simple soul who just wants to draw people kissing. your friends keep you around as a kind of charity case - you're the friend version of a rescue dog, and you also sometimes start whining for no reason.

japan: no one in your life knows the real you and thats why youre gonna die alone and be eaten by your cats. your loved ones will make millions selling off your manga collection. you have never touched a real boob.

usa: you have the same sense of humour and obsession with drawing penises as a 12yr old boy. anyone who even glances at your social media can tell what your kinks are, you pervert.

china: you definitely have back problems, and you sigh every day before logging into social media yet you continue to do it. you eat food directly out of the fridge or pot because plates take too much time.

russia: idk what your problem is but i bet its hard to pronounce. you're either medicated or you should be. you do tell really good stories but you cannot tell when someone isnt interested in them.

canada: you seethe more than julia stiles in 10 things i hate about you, yet you find it impossible to say no to people. you are passive aggressive and basically a coward. no one respects you.

[rainbowgod666]

A few oddities on the funny floating island of the tumbler

Over 65% of spells are related to henital punishments

@the-gnomish-bastard's tower: scanning and FreeCam didnt show any sort of system to move the island so yeah, his "dont fuck with the tower" makes sense because theres nothing to fuck with. However: the tunnel leading to his horde (the one with anachronistic dragons due to yours truly) is... not the only one. Theres a second tunnel leading into the gnome's Personal Piggy Bank and let me tell you. That shit is long and worrying, there are NO RATS in THAT tunnel.

@official-megumin: HER HOUSE IS CUP SHAPED AND THE ROOF IS HER HAT (squeals like a fucking anime girl)

Most of the island is... empty. Trees trees trees and maybe some critters but everything else is accessible through clearly mapped portals. Deep Reality Analitic Scanning yielded NOTHING either when the island was lifted, currently, or when itsgoing to be destroyed. Which means its either Like That From Before The Wizards, or Faunocide.

The area around my base (which is basically in a crater) is even MORE uninhabited. I tried it all: the rats, the gnome's fungus, ants... it doesnt "stick".

Turns out im immune to fucking chronological manipulation. Maybe i added "chronosapien bullshit" to my splicing and just... did not remember??? Huh.

On that note, this explains why lancer rpg's whole "lich licenses are retroactive" thing doesnt work on me. Cool huh.

Turns out this place is a few thousand miles off the USA east coast. Neat.

Internet and cable work here, but piracy is still based

I heard of "revolutionaries", what i dont get of them is why their boss looks REALLY similar to Sabo from one piece

Found the bowl of the original stew arcanum: someone stole it and used high-dimensionality to hide it... RIGHT where @the-illegal-wizard-council put their access. Good thing i have more dimensions than inches on my di

Theres a shrine to @nyancrimew. For some reason. I dont know but it looks cool. Left some flowers there cause it felt like the right thing to do. Idk

Theres a strange version of american wood bamboo (a thing that exists but isnt called like that) but metallic growing on the southeast side, and analysis shows that those are... caused by my presence. Whoops.

I saw TF2 POOTIS ENGAGE HEAVY in the forest. Not fucking with that

There is a portal (which didnt exist until my arrival so its probably some kinda fracture in spacetime) that apparently shows something like the future. I saw a bunch of wizardblr users crucifed and my literal corpse on a shining marble throne. Whats up with that huh?

The Fungus fears me. Which is dumb cause dude im not gonna use all of you for rice you dumb fuck-

Someone owns a giant rooster simply called "Mr.Cock". Not sure why tho... considering the name arrived to the new owner in a dream

[rad-batson]

THIS IS FOR FANS OF CASSANDRA CAIN! PLEASE READ! I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS

(skip to the bottom if you just want silly headcanons about her :D)

Hello! So first, I want to thank everyone who read the Wayne pilot I made :) I appreciate your feedback, and I love you all.

As I'm preparing to post it on AO3, I decided to make a few (admittedly small) changes to the script, primarily around Cassandra Cain, because I haven't quite fleshed her out yet.

I don't have much experience with writing Cass, so I decided to do a bit of research on her yesterday, and wouldn't you know? I fell in love. 10/10. She didn't play a huge part in the pilot, but she will have a bigger one in the second episode, and there are a few things I think can or should be added so she doesn't feel too one-note.

There wasn't anyone who told me this, by the way. (In fact, I actually got some nice comments about her so thank you.) I just had it in the back of my mind while writing, and now that Cass is getting more screen time, I'm finding that my lack of knowledge might lead to mischaracterization.

SO TO COMBAT THIS, I MADE A GUIDE FOR MYSELF ON HOW TO WRITE CASS

Is this overkill? Probably Think of it as a silly headcanon list for my version of her. And I'm posting it here because I want your feedback before it's set in stone. (I know Cass isn't written well a lot, so this is my attempt to right these horrid wrongs.)

If you're going to give criticism, please be constructive. Tell me what you like or don't like. I'm all ears. Have fun :)

Writing Cass

(Btw I still gotta read Cass’s first Batgirl run by Kelley Puckett)

Has some sass, has a lot actually

Used to be awkward in social settings. she’s better at it when she’s with people so she can match their energy but she still prefers to just dip

Speaks in short-ish sentences, trying her best tho

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT, I JUST WANT TO KNOW TO WHAT DEGREE?? OR IS IT REALLY FINE

Mostly just relies on body language though

I WILL BE ADDING THIS INTO THE PILOT TOO, ESPECIALLY WITH THE ASL SCENE (BUT IT’S NOT REPLACING THE ASL)

also yes i know her using ASL isn't canon, it just works best for the scene, it would have been written the same whether she was in it or not, it is still a cute nod to fanon tho

Steph and Cass are extremely close BUT ALSO HAVE SEPARATE LIVES (I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO STRESS THAT AND I AGREE)

Messy, low-key gross. Bad-ish hygiene but she’s good at looking put-together so only those close know this about her (this is just my headcanon)

Often forgets bigger words so she occasionally uses the wrong one, she ALSO mixes up proverbs but no one corrects her because 1: it’s cute and 2: they don’t want to discourage her from speaking with them more casually (also my headcanon)

Cass: So I pulled the door off its…*makes motion with hand*…metal books. Steph: Do you mean hinge— Cass: Metal books.

Dick: Well that was a surprise. I didn’t know The Penguin would be here. Cass, nodding: Well life gives you grapes Dick: Wut Cass: You make grape juice. Get on the same book, Nightwing

I'M ON THE FENCE ABOUT ADDING THIS ONE BECAUSE IDK LET ME KNOW PLEASE

Is a cinnamon bun AND a little shit, it’s a balancing act

Production: She’s Wayne’s darling Princess Cass: *will break your fingers*

She does appear behind the camera crew to scare them on purpose, she thinks it’s funny, she likes seeing them freak out

She is super competitive, but she's always like "Oh I'm not that competitive" *proceeds to be very competitive*

Because she isn't super confident in her writing or speaking (or just uncomfortable communicating without seeing the other person's body language) she prefers to Facetime or simply reply to texts with selfies of her reaction. It is a thing now. when you need an honest opinion about an outfit, text a photo to Cass. She will either give back a photo of a thumbs up or a photo of a grimace and some not-so-flattering emojis

Her princess persona is her public cover persona in this show, parallel to Bruce’s “Brucie” and Dick’s “born for the cameras” thing

Is surprisingly vocal (and sometimes snippy) about her distaste with things but she mostly gets a pass because her morals align best with Bruce’s

Is most snippy when her family uses methods other than violence when violence is clearly the faster option, god they're such pacifists

Tim: *trying carefully to pick a lock* Cass: Just break through the wall? Tim: We can’t do that. We’re trying not to be noticed. Cass: Wimp

Bruce: Cass, why did you have to dislocate that man’s shoulder? Cass: I put it back. Bruce: That’s not the point. Cass: Fine, I’ll dislocate it again.

Is the best fighter, none of this “oh she’s the best fighter so when people do win against her, it makes them look cooler” thing, shut tf up, she could break their bones (not important to the show ofc but I need to add this because it is important in general)

Horrible at drawing, wretched (again a headcanon but I did see someone else mention it somewhere)

Also bad at writing, refuses to study to improve out of principle (i.e. she told Babs she doesn’t need to and now she refuses to admit Babs was right)

(AND SIDE-HEADCANON IF SHE IS HORRIBLE AT WRITING AND ACTIVELY HATED STUDYING HER ALPHABET THEN WHAT IF LIKE ONE DAY SOMEONE SAYS “hey can you grab me one of these files from last week’s case, it’s under M” SHE’S LIKE “fuck you, how could you do this to me” WHILE SEARCHING FOR M OR MORE SIMPLY *throws something at them*)

That's all I have right now. If you'd like to give me any recommendations, please do. I can't promise I'll add in every single one because this show is still about the whole Batfam, not just her, but I want to do her justice, and that definitely involves more fine-tuning on my part

OKAY THAT'S ALL LOVE YOU BYE

[carcassontheshore]

I know people have discussed this before but I LOVE how kazuki literally never teases rei for his childish behaviours. Like kazuki understands rei and lets him be childish because rei never had a childhood where he was actually allowed to be a child. One scene is obviously the mall scene where rei, instead of picking up essentials, picks up his favourite morio cart characters' plushies and walks around in mall holding them close like a little kid. And kazuki does the actual shopping and lets rei and miri pick toys. Then there's also when miri and rei eat french toast. Kazuki goes "you guys-" but looks at them so lovingly. (He basically keeps implying rei has the taste buds of a kid like when he once said 'your taste buds hasnt improved even after all these' but does nothing to change it anyways.) And then again after miri leaves with her mother, kazuki still picks up the choco rings, mainly as a habit, but he doesnt put it back in the shelf either. He takes it home and eats it with rei. He doesnt like it, but rei does. (That scene also implies how their life had changed due to miri, including the small changes but thats another topic). Idk man its so endearing and nice. Kazuki on multiple occasions teases rei (like when miri calls him papa rei) but its always lighthearted and never to poke fun at how rei, as an adult, cant function well like he should. Because kazuki understands rei tries. And fails. He just doesnt get it. Even at the last ep kazuki tells rei and they need to divide the chores to raise miri better and he even goes into certain details about how to clean (Like moving things away before vacuuming). Rei should know that already, but he doesnt and kazuki is fine with it. Rei takes his time to learn. In relation to kazuki's treatment of rei, another thing i noticed is how rei genuinely is how he is. Like, in that episode where kazuki leaves to teach rei and miri a lesson (also other things obviously), when miri asked rei what a maid is, rei seems confused. He never meant for kazuki to feel that way, he didnt use kazuki for survival or anything, he didnt even understand that he wasnt putting efforts around the household, he didnt have any malicious or selfish intent at all, he was just confused. Hes a dysfunctional person and thats all. And while kazuki does wish rei helped him around, he, as stated above, still understands that rei just wasnt raised to be that way. I REALLY appreciate that both kazuki amd rei, at their core, are good people with good intentions and they do care for each other. They dont change from bad to good (which is good genre too), they just needed a catalyst that ultimately turned them to the best versions of themselves (miri in their case, obviously).

[sketchstudios07]

I haven't posted art in some time, but here, have some of my D&D ocs interacting with the dungeon meshi party, because it's fun! I drew them with the ones i feel like they're the most similar to either physically or personality-wise. I doubt many people will see, but i'd love to see more people doing this. Here we go!! :}

Marcille and Anne (she/her). She's an elf cleric and also my first character ever! So there isn't much to say about her. I feel like she's just this calm presence, Marcille could have some of that comfort every now and then. They'd definetly bond over hair care and magic, despite working in different fields. In a way, I feel like Marcille would find Anne similar to Falin, or like an older and wiser version of her. Anne could also give some advice on the whole "being scared of death thing", having a short-lived partner and all.

Chilchuck and Heron (he/him), tiny dads! Heron is (obviously) a halfling, but for his class he's actually a homebrew pirate! I think they have plenty of stuff in common to talk about, both of them are often made fun of by their parties for their size, which is fun. They're also both dads, only Chilchuck has 3 girls (4 if you count Izutsumi) and Heron has 4 boys, maybe they'd argue over what's better, idk. Chilchuck is grumpier, but i feel like both have that "Oh my god what are you doing!? Are you an idiot?" attitude when the party does their shenanigans. These two would be good friends, maybe Chil is a bit envious of Heron's stable family though

Laios and Deliz (he/him). Deliz is the character i've been playing the longest, he's a kalashtar sorcerer (with some druid levels). I think it's not hard to tell that they'd bond over hyperfixations. I doubt Laios would be able to answer Deliz's questions, but there's plenty of cool monster stuff to talk about! I wonder what Laios would think about all the weird creatures that possess and infect people in this other world. These two would be great friends, no judgement about "weird" behaviors, just vibes. I also feel like Laios would be super interested in what a "kalashtar" even is, or how powerful Deliz is compared to most adventurers he knows, despite him being so young (21).

Izutsumi and Spark (she/her). The cat girls! Spark is a tabaxi sorcerer that is also a literal child, so I feel like Izustumi would be done with her shit really fast lmao. Kind of like, when a child wants to impress a teenager, but they keep annoying them? Exactly that. Doesn't help that Spark is pretty energetic too. At one point or another though, they'd grow on each other. Izutsumi would never admit it though

Senshi and Lilium (she/they). Not much in common between these two, Lilium is a tiefling druid and Senshi is like, a fighter(?) dwarf, buut they'd get along really well. I feel like senshi would be the calm and nurturing figure this anxious little lesbian needs. She's been through a lot and needs a place to rest every now and then, and maybe drinking a cup of tea with some warm food is the right choice after some adventuring, right? (Also can you tell i didn't wanna draw Senshi's helmet? ITS SO HARD TO DO SIDEWAYS AND I DIDNT FIND ANY REFERENCES)

And a little bonus:

(Azzazel (they/any) is my friends character, they'd spark a whole other convo w/ Laios tbh)

[lil--nuggett]

Hey guys, so if you know Baldur's Gate 3 this is an AU for that with Hardenshipping but it's really fucked up. I will explain why it's fucked up below the cut.

Maxie is a High Half-Elf Warlock (his patron is Groudon), and Archie's a Human Fighter <3

Also I just realized this is the first time you have seen me draw Archie seriously lmao my bad guys I'll try to draw him again soon

I took a ton of inspiration for various things for these designs, including Guile for Archie's armor bc I love Guile sm!!

(More info and our dumb AU lore under here - No BG3 Spoilers I promise <3)

I'm going to tell you this now... this gets really fucking crazy and honest to god I know I'm going to have a hard time explaining this. It WILL be quite long and I WILL be yapping.

This AU is really just something we did on impulse and it's really fun to mess around with, so I'm hoping you all will enjoy the concept as well :)

I'll try to explain it simply as I can. I thank you in advance to all who sit here and read this ily sm if you read it all <3333

Anyways, okay so imagine how one could do a bg3 AU for these two fuckers...

And throw it right out the window because you'll never guess how me and my friend have done it.

The Backstory:

This all started when my friend decided to play BG3 for the first time, and he jokingly said to me "Should I make Maxie our main character??" and I replied "I you want, but I won't force you" and thus BG3 Maxie was created, and his misadventures began.

Now your probably wondering (if you've played the game) what about the guardian?? Who did we make the guardian?? Well, we made Archie the guardian. However, I did not know just how wild this idea would get within the next few days.

So, eventually we realized how crazy the BG3 lore actually is (it's a like fucking DnD campaign idk how we didn't realize this beforehand), and so, we jokingly started our own "AU Lore" that ties in with the BG3 Lore.

If you really want to know, I have an entire note in my notes app dedicated to keeping track of what happens. It is very long.

The Parasite:

Now, if you've played the game or know anything about it, you know about the Mindflayer parasites. Well, one fateful day, me and my friend joked that the Parasite in Maxie's head was this little freak who looks like Archie.

The two have no correlation other than looks, its completely coincidence and it's not a mimic situation. The Parasite "Archie" does nothing but talk nonsense to Maxie all the time, and initially the bit was that he only talked about Fortnite. All because I made the joke that the dream realm in game looked like a fortnite update. By now, that bit has fallen off (thank god), replaced by just general nonsense and lies.

Also he fucking looks like this:

Weird little freak. This is just one of his talk sprites I have, this is just his neutral expression.

So basically it's:

- Maxie was supposed to be on a Geology research trip, but instead he got dragged into the Parasite issue with the rest of the companions. He really just wants to get home to Archie.

I am the one who handles everything for Maxie in this AU, I do his voice, I handle his lore, etc.

- Parasite Archie is this 1 foot tall, neco arc-esque version of Archie that sits on Maxie's shoulder and tells him nonsensical things. He also says Maxie's name wrong, he says Maxie's full first name and pronounces it as "Maximilliam" instead of the "N" at the end. For Maxie it's like handling a toddler but the toddler fights back, doesn't shut up, and threatens your life. He also has a ton of his own lore that my friend continously adds on to, so I can make another post with just the parasite's part of things.

My friend handles everything with the Parasite himself, comes up with the lore, does the voice, etc. I simply keep track of it.

- The "dream visitor" version of Archie is not real either. It's linked to the Parasite in ways that if I get into it, I will spoil a good chunk of the game. Sorry. Just know you can consider this and Parasite Archie kind of as one in the same almost.

- The REAL Archie is still at home, completely unaware of what's happening, while Maxie is fighting for his life. He does miss him, though, and hopes he gets home soon. He and Maxie are only boyfriends, they haven't gotten married yet. (They also haven't been through their rivalry yet, as this all takes place before that happens.)

Sorry for the convoluted yap sesh, I just have more art planned for this stupid AU and- God I cannot possibly just post this shit with no context. Like, I'd have to explain it eventually so I might as well do it now beforehand yk 😭😭

I might do separate posts with our HCs and some silly conversations that have happened between Parasite Archie and Maxie if you guys would want that :)

Also, I do have all of the sessions from where my friend plays the game recorded and I'll be sure to post some clips of what Parasite Archie sounds like eventually, possibly with snippets of my shitty Maxie voice in there as well. You'll get to see the talk sprites in action with that, too.

[ganondoodle]

you know what i just saw some more of that weird ass reward for getting all shrines in totk, and tbh im still so

what is that?? there are no dog like sentient species in this version of hyrule?? the most is the sonau themselves but they got no tails??? i dont think anything in this hyrule has a tail like that? and sonau legs are pretty normalish human too areant they? they dont even have proper claws, just veguely longer fingernails- i guess there are the statues in the underground that kinda look like it (they dont got tails either tho do they??) but like ,,, theres nothing you can learn about them right? its never mentioned or even hinted at despite there being so goddamm much of the sonau still just up and functioning- their lil "material deposits" in the depths arent even withered beyond some plants growing on them, all their 'tech' (isnt it just .. magic tho? where the mechanism actually? its usually just some stone animated by green swirlies ... but ill mention that in another post) just runs perfectly like it was made yesterday

where does that thing come from?? and its supposed to the the HERO FROM THE TAPESTRY???? huh????? and its decked out in sonau clothing head to toe with clear gerudo refs too?? that so weird bc youd feel like there would have been some mention of this, especially considering that that thing is on the tapestry and impa(was it her? or purah?) RECOGNIZES ITS THE HERO FROM THE TAPESTRY???? like, CASUALLY even?? like a well known fact ?? did i miss some big lore part somewhere that talked about that dog gerudo sonau thing?? and if its on the tapestry that means it wasnt that long ago really (i mean ... all the sonau shit is still pretty much fully intact so arguing that they came and went in the time between totks past and botws past isnt that plausible either imo ..??) o how come you never see anything from that and yet its somehow completely known for them, and you cannot tell me she saw the abstract version of the hero and then looked at that armor and went thats the same bc two colors veguely matched or what?!! also given that its fully clothed in sonau stuff .. like the arms are literally raurus bracelets .. thingies, but then the sonau where supposedly a complete and unknown mystery until it suddendly came all raining from the sky and revealing its been there and EVERYWHERE the whole time apparently? with the most we knew was some flimsyly made stereotypical barbaric armor set in faron in botw? which i guess is also fully undone by totk since it shares absolutely zero in desing to the 'actual' sonau stuff we got in totk

and if it where some sort of descendant from the mix of kids rauru and sonai kinda .. must have had (unless they did away with zeldas bloodline stuff too .. which .. why even call it zelda anymore at this point lol) then again, where did those features come from (like the tail and red hair, the strange googly eyes? is there a mix of goron in there too??) and how was it then not documented or seen anywhere else?? youd imagine the mutant kids of the first tragically dead king and queen of this hyrule would be known in some way .. that is assuming it was that, but given the weird features no other species has still is ... it just doesnt add up

(i had the awful thoguht for a second that it might supposed to mean the gerudo came from that but .. the gerudo are already there LITERALLY the 1:1 same as in the present, just like all the other species ... which is also disappointing as hell, like seriously? not even different feather colors for the rito? literally the same clothing for the gerudo as in botw but white with golden stuff instead?? some vaguely different zora features? idk ? anything? also the hero would never be gerudo, we know only evil comes from that *explodes*)

if its supposed to be a mystery then they absolutely failed in making it any interesting or intriguing but still something that feels like its part of the world, like botw was very good at giving you mysteries you wanted to talk and theorize about that still felt organic, harmonic with the world, but in totk its all either boring answers or just ... completely out of nowhere and just kinda stumps you (in a bad way)

*sighs* yet antoher ramble rant, this game could have had it all, it was right there on the plate in front of them all they needed to do is grasp at it, why wouldnt you ..

totk will never not frustrate me huh ಠ_ಠ

[thatgaiagirl]

Hello I’m back on the Cyberpunk brainrot and currently thinking too hard about Goro Takemura - specifically as I was replaying it he reminded me of a specific Yokai I remember hearing about years ago and when I did more research on it DAMN are there parallels - and I’m more inclined to write this because Takemura himself has a mystical streak in-game as shown by the Bakeneko conversation.

Specifically, I can’t help but compare him to the Inugami (basically translates to ‘spirit dog’??? Idk my Japanese is shaky at best)

First off, Takemura is DRENCHED in dog imagery. Johnny calls him a ‘Well-Trained Dog’, Takemura claims he can’t pursue his ideas of leaving Arasaka because ‘You cannot teach an old dog new tricks’, and there’s the general running theme of his character being undyingly loyal to his masters, no matter what else.

He was also ‘trained’ by Arasaka after coming from nothing - living in the worst slum of Japan, being recruited as a child and put through intense conversion to become Saburo Arasaka’s bodyguard. Even the way Takemura describes Saburo picking him from a lineup of potential candidates reminds me of someone picking up a rescue dog from a shelter - all lined up, until one catches their eye for no particular reason.

The Inugami functions as a familiar, created through extreme cruelty and undyingly loyal to its master. There are a few versions I found for its creation, but the most common one is a Dog being either tied up just out of reach of food or buried up to its neck with food in front of it, slowly starving until it’s head is cut off at the height of its desperation for food. Then the head is buried under a crossroads, the foot traffic angering the already tortured spirit, before the head is mummified and hidden somewhere on it’s masters estate, creating a ghost familiar willing to do whatever its master says. Usually in art an Inugami is depicted as a dogs head on a pile of robes.

I just… it fits Takemura so well. He was starved, literally and figuratively in Chiba-11, placed just outside of the reach of food, just outside of the Arasaka soldiers patrolling through his district. The crossroads, the foot traffic and AVs of the only people that might save him driving him into desperation, washing himself clean in toxic waters so they might take him. Hell, even his design in-game makes it look like his head is the only ‘real’ part of him left - sliced off and preserved, before placed on a new chromed out body branded neck-to-toe with the Arasaka logo. Inugami can be loyal to just one master or to a family, and Takemura will do anything for what he considers the rightful heads of the Arasaka family despite all the pain and suffering they’ve put him through.

This metaphor extends to the other Arasaka bodyguards, too - Oda obviously has similar cybernetics that emphasises his head as ‘real’ and is similarly undyingly loyal to Hanako, and ESPECIALLY Adam Smasher falls into this. The man died and was literally rebuilt by Arasaka - no matter how rabid or violent he is, he will possess, kill and torture anyone he is ordered too by his masters.

And the sad part is, in the Inugami legend, apparently it’s possible for the spirit to turn on its master if it’s mistreated enough. But Goro never does. Even in the Tower Ending, even in the worst case scenario where he’s a wanted man on the run with no ties to Arasaka, he STILL reeks of loyalty to them. The ‘bitter medicine’ of V forced him out of his old life, and you can tell he wants it back. If Takemura ever realised how fucked up Saburo and Hanako truly are and turned tail, maybe he’d get a happy ending - but his loyalty, forged with starvation and suffering, prevents him no matter what. Like a good dog.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

HC IDEA

OK I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS AND OF COURSE IT STARTED WITH MURIEL BHJFDFV but long story short i thought of murie with mc writing a book together, about all the stuff theyre good at collectively at this point, plants, animals, magic connected with them and its uses,

then i come across this and god yes perfect this is the book this is what theyd write lmao

so yeah i think you may have written a writer-mc one already but what if!!!! mc + m6 trying to write a book together!!!!! whats it about!!!1! how would it go!!! whos taking notes whos infodumping for 4 hours about the thing theyre passionate about!!!!! pasha woulda probably had a whole story world & characters complete living in her head already since she was like 11 and just never had time or skill or courage to write it all down, ilyushka could fill 3 tomes of medical textbooks, with mixed in personal anecdotes about how he learned it all, lucio just goes for a biography and then remembers mc was gonna be part of it too so its half his pov and half theirs, chapters intermingling, nadia could literally do anything and everything and possibly already has so idk hjbfbjsdjgh and muriel is SO SMART AND KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT CHICKENS AND EVERYTHING ELSE OK, MF CAN TALK TO ANIMALS HE COULD WRITE A WHOLE SERIES OF RESEARCH ABOUT THAT IF HE WANTED, HED WRITE SCIENTIFIC PAPERS ABOUT THEM EXCEPT ITS WRITTEN LIKE and then they go in there [messy drawn diagram of a couple of badgers running into a den] and they start making noises like grlrlrlrlrrARF to keep the fox from coming in after them in their house, and then they feed their daughter 2 snails and tell her not to follow the fox or he could scratch her and then

asra would do a crime novel. i dont know where i got that from but sure hbjdfbjdfv no idk bout them either

@tetsuooooooooooo I live for your essays and random delightful headcanons xD

But YES you're so right!!

Portia doing an entire fantasy series with the protagonists closely modeled after you and her

Nadia doing the "correct" version of Machiavelli's The Prince

Julian writing "plague doctoring for dummies"

Muriel just churning out encyclopedia after encyclopedia on local flora and fauna

Asra doing a crime novel except it's modeled after true crime podcasts where there's no clear resolution to the mystery (the readers think it's to leave the end to their imagination, it's really because Asra came up with multiple endings and couldn't be bothered to stick with just one the conventional way)

Lucio ends up hiring a transcriber so he can just talk while they do the boring part (writing) for him