#like its all good n fine with my ocs but is it even okay with fan stuff for a wider audience? who knows | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wintaerbaer · 2 years ago

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things we don’t say: part 1 (kth)

banner credit goes to the absolutely incredible @itaeewon

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (minors dni)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers (they’re so, SO stupid), slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 8.4k

series warnings: swearing, sexual themes, one instance of mild violence, alcohol use, infidelity, brief mentions of neglectful parents and alcoholism

chapter warnings: potty mouths, oc teasingly threatens her friends, art world inaccuracies (probably, idk how art shows work), fns music festival dynamite performance taehyung (BLESSED), friends who can’t mind their own business, quick backstory on the aforementioned shitty parenting, oc needs (and has) a drink

a/n: so here is my first foray back into writing after being out of the game for several years! big shout outs to @itaeewon / @jeonqkooks for the banner and encouragement as well as @taegularities for giving me writing advice and letting me cry in her inbox every time i got frustrated with this. they’re also both INCREDIBLE writers so go show them some love once you’re done here!

SERIES MASTERLIST // MASTERLIST

Read on ao3

“She was checking you out.”

“She was not checking me out.”

“Kim Taehyung, she was so checking you out!”

“No.”

“She tucked her hair behind her ear and gave you the ‘come hither’ head tilt.”

Taehyung makes a face. “No one says that anymore, and that’s a perfectly normal gesture to make in everyday conversation.”

“When you want to get someone’s pants off.”

He shushes you, eyes flicking over to the nearby tables in the mostly-empty dining room with all of its dim lights and dark wood paneling. The bar had been a go-to for you and your friends in college, boasting a wide variety of burgers, sandwiches, and wraps that could even satisfy Jungkook and his bottomless appetite. Though your visits have become fewer and farther in between after graduation, nostalgia occasionally drags you back for a lunch or round of late-night drinks, which is how you’ve wound up here on a bright Saturday afternoon.

“You should ask for her number.”

“I am not asking her for her num—!”

“Can I get you anything?”

Taehyung’s face turns bright red as the waitress materializes at the side of your table as if on cue. It’s subtle, but she bats her eyelashes at him, body angled in his direction as if you’re not even there. You raise an eyebrow at him from across the table. See?

“I think we’re ready to order,” you say, mostly to put Taehyung out of his misery as he wordlessly stammers at the blonde.

You’d think he’s never seen a girl before in his life.

The waitress jots your orders down before strolling away in the direction of the kitchen, and you’d swear she’s swinging her hips a little more dramatically than before. You turn towards Taehyung.

“Told you.”

“I said no,” he says sheepishly, cheeks still brushed with pink. “Besides, she looks like she’s probably still in college.”

“You look like you’re probably still in college.” Taehyung rolls his eyes. “And we’re not that old, Tae. You could date a college student.”

“Pass.”

You sigh, leaning back in your seat. “Fine, but we still need to find you a date to the wedding. Can’t let those youthful good looks go to waste.”

Taehyung huffs in faux annoyance, but his lips quirk up at the compliment. “I’m not bringing a date.”

“So you say, but I’m going to change your mind.”

His smile widens. “Oh, really?”

“Really.” You hold out a pinky, and he only hesitates a moment before linking his with yours.

“Okay, we’ll see.”

You fall into one of your usual conversation patterns as you ask about how his job is going. He tells you about the upcoming art show at the gallery where he works as a curator, doing some freelance photography as a side gig. He’d managed to snag Maya, one of the aforementioned friends, a spot in it, and he smiles as he gushes over how great her pieces turned out, cheeks lightly flushed with what you interpret as pride. The two of them met freshman year as photography majors and quickly developed into friends and partners, challenging each other artistically and now occasionally teaming up to shoot larger weddings and events.

It makes pride warm your own belly, seeing him flourish and succeed in the field he had always dreamed of. Photography had been an outlet for him throughout high school, a vital reprieve from the insulated struggles of your shared childhood. Taehyung has never been a negative person, never weighed down in spite of the home life which would have given him every justifiable reason to become jaded. Still, you’d watched a new light bloom in him after he discovered photography as if the camera lens truly gave him a fresh way of seeing the world.

And you’ve always loved seeing happiness spill from your best friend.

Your food is just being brought to the table when Jimin comes shuffling up in a zombie-like trance, eyes wide and mouth slack.

"Finally made i—woah, are you alright?"

Jimin drops into a seat, glazed eyes fixated on the window overlooking the street.

"Maya and Kook are hooking up."

Taehyung chokes on his drink, water spraying onto his plate, while your jaw hits the floor.

"They're what?!"

"What the fuck?!"

Jimin works his jaw before wiping his hands over his face, "Yup."

You and Taehyung gape at him.

"What in the name of God would make you say that?" you ask emphatically, just as Taehyung says, "They hate each other."

"I don't know. Probably because I just caught her straddling him on our couch half-naked. But it’s just a feeling."

"Oh my God, we don't need to know that!"

"Our couch?!"

Jimin scrubs a hand over his face again as if he could wipe the image from his brain. “Yeah, I…can’t say I’m entirely surprised, but, Jesus, I did not need to see that with my own two eyes.”

“Okay, wait, wait,” you say, blinking rapidly in a futile attempt to clear your thoughts. “You’re sure it was Maya—not another one of his random hook-ups?”

“You think I don’t know what she looks like?” Jimin asks, pulling a face. “Look, she stopped by to grab some camera equipment Tae left for her and said she was going to hang around for a minute to wait for an Uber. I was already late for here so I left, but I forgot my wallet. When I went back they were…compromised. And I didn’t exactly stick around to interrogate them.” He frowns again, turning to Taehyung. “Speaking of, can you cover me for lunch?”

“This is unreal. Fucking unreal,” you fume. “I’m going to kill them.”

“Is it really all that surprising?” Jimin asks. “Somewhere in all of their bickering and nagging and constant frowning at each other was always some thinly-veiled sexual tension.” When you glare at him, he adds, “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t sleep with her.”

“That’s not the problem, Chim. You know how this shit goes.” You rub a thumb between your eyes, trying to ease the sudden tension there. “They already fight all the time, and sex only ever complicates things. How long until this blows up and we’re forced to choose sides?”

And that’s the crux of your worry—a disaster seems inevitable. Maya and Jungkook have always been clear about their bare tolerance of each other, seeing it as a necessary evil for the benefit of the rest of your friendships. And while their arguments and bickering have been relatively muted in recent years after you, Taehyung, and Jimin had put down a collective foot and told them you were tired of hearing their shit, you are not eager to see them test the fragile thread that links all of you.

You’ve dealt with enough instability regarding the people in your life; the last thing you need is more.

The waitress comes up to take Jimin’s order while Taehyung studies you as you press the heels of your palms to your eyes.

“Hey,” he says as the waitress walks off again, a hand sliding across the table in your direction but not quite making it there. “No one is getting divorced or anything. Just talk to Maya first. We really don’t even know what’s going on here.”

Jimin lets out a puff of air. “I do. He had his hand up her—” He shuts his mouth as both you and Taehyung shoot daggers at him.

After a moment, your fingers tap absent-mindedly over your phone. “Yeah, I guess I’ll talk to her tonight. We’re supposed to go dress shopping for the art show.”

“Gotta get something nice for Jace?” Jimin asks, wiggling an eyebrow. You smirk back at him.

“No, he can’t make it. Work has him putting in overtime like crazy for their annual convention in a few weeks.”

“How is he doing—Jace?” Taehyung asks. His tone is light, but as Jimin turns to look at him, he notices his hand on the table had closed into a fist.

“He’s good,” you say, the tension finally melting out of your face as your eyes light up. “He’s been incredibly upbeat lately, actually—more romantic even.” There’s a pause as you hesitate. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was going to…you know.” You wave faintly with your left hand.

Jimin’s eyes go wide. “You think he’s planning to pro—” You quickly press a finger over your lips, and Jimin slaps a hand to his thigh. “Fuck yes! About damn time. Hey,” he settles his face in his palm and stares off dreamily. “Can I be your maid of honor?” Then, when you giggle, “Don’t laugh. I would look great in a dress.”

“I’ll put you on the short list,” you say, turning towards your food as Jimin pumps a fist. “But no more talk about that. I’ve waited damn long enough and do not want to jinx it.”

Taehyung’s knuckles had gone white.

“It’s really none of your business,” Maya says, picking up a bright purple, thigh-length dress off the rack and holding it up to her shoulders. “How about this one?”

“Too short.” She puts it back. “And I beg to differ. When something stands to get between two of my best friends who I care about deeply, I think that makes it my business.” When Maya doesn’t say anything, still nonchalantly flipping through dresses, you press on. “You know this can’t end well, right? You’re adding sex to an already volatile relationship, and I don’t like the idea of the friend group having to split if and when the two of you implode.”

“First of all, we’re not your damn parents. Kook may be a walking man child, but the rest of us are mature adults. We’d figure it out,” Maya says. She holds up a green gown, frowns, and returns it. Turning towards you, she quirks an eyebrow. “Second of all, who says that this morning was the first time?”

Your jaw drops. As you stand speechless, Maya resumes her dress perusal.

“Wha—how long?” you finally choke out.

“Ooh, this is pretty.” Maya pulls out a deep red cocktail dress, silver roses adorning the fabric. Catching the look on your face, she says, “Two years, give or take.”

“Two—!” you squeak before shaking your head. “No. No fucking way. You two can barely be in the same room for two minutes let alone sleep together for two years.”

Maya smirks. “Turns out he can do much better things with his mouth when he’s not using it to talk out of his ass.”

“Maya, oh my God!”

“What? You wanted to make it your business, right?”

You take a breath to steady yourself. “Look, I am just worried about you guys, okay? That’s it. You’re two of my best friends, and I don’t want to see anyone get hurt. And I certainly don’t want to be put into a situation where I have to choose between you.”

“That won’t happen,” Maya says, trailing off towards a dressing room. “For someone to get hurt, there’d have to be actual feelings involved, and the only feeling he gives me is a migraine.” She slips into a changing stall while you lean against the wall, still trying to wrap your head around what you’re hearing.

“Besides,” Maya’s voice sounded from behind the curtain, “Jimin only found out because of his stupid wallet, and he notices everything. If we could fool him for that long with no problems…” She pulls the curtain back. The red fabric of the dress hugs her hips, her dark hair draped over one shoulder. “How do I look?”

“Gorgeous, as usual,” you say. And then, because you can’t help it, “I’m sure Kook will love it.”

Maya rolls her eyes. “Oh, please.” She steps back into the stall and yanks the curtain closed again. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“I’m sorry. It’s just…weird.”

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” Maya says over the shuffling of clothes. “Nothing changed during the two years when you guys didn’t know and nothing has to change now.”

Maybe she’s right, you think to yourself, resting your head back and closing your eyes to the bright fluorescents above you. Maybe everything would be fine. Jungkook, in spite of his cocky playboy persona, may be a big teddy bear at heart, but you’ve never known him to mix emotions with pleasure. And Maya is certainly capable of handling herself.

Still, the whole thing just reeks of disaster waiting to happen.

The sun has just started its descent when the two of you step out of the shop, Maya now carrying a long white bag along with her. You pause for a moment, taking a slow inhale of the soft spring air. This is probably your favorite time of day, when the whole city is tinted gold, the push of the foot traffic slowing to a lazier pace as college students and businessmen alike meander their way to dinners and evening plans.

“Do you want to do dinner at my place?” Maya asks, starting to move in the direction of her apartment as you trail at her side. “I was planning on trying this new pot roast recipe, and I’d rather not get stuck with too many leftovers.”

“Ooh, that sounds good,” you say. “I’m in.”

“You just have to promise to stop looking so constipated.”

You let out a puff of a laugh. “I’m sorry—I really don’t mean to meddle.” You purse your lips. “I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“I know, you said that already,” Maya sighs. “But we’re all grown-ups, Y/N. I know you mean well, but you’ve gotta loosen up the reins a little bit.”

“Whatever. As long as I don’t have to walk in on you guys like Jimin did.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “And just…be careful.”

Maya rolls her eyes for what feels like the hundredth time that day. She knows your heart is in a good place—the stereotypical “mom friend” just looking out for everyone—but your own blind spot drives her crazy.

You insist that you don’t truly mean to meddle. Maya, however, has no such qualms.

“You know,” she says, smirking at you with a sideways glance. “If you’re really worried about someone getting their heart broken, you should spend less time worrying about me and Kook and more time worrying about Tae.”

Your steps slow, frown lines gradually forming on your face. “Tae? What about Tae?” You pause. “He and Luna broke up months ago. He said he was over her.”

They were barely together a year, but the relationship had been the longest of Taehyung’s life. He’d spent the two weeks following the breakup locked in his room while you juggled both making sure he was alright and moving into a new apartment.

Maya gestures to the bag in her hands. “Don’t stop walking. This thing is a bitch to carry.”

As you jog a few steps to catch up, you ask, “Why? Did he say something to you?”

“Oh, please.” Another eyeroll. “He was never into Luna. It’s a wonder they even lasted as long as he did.”

“Then who?”

“C’mon, Y/N.”

“Maya, I genuinely have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.”

It’s Maya’s turn to stop in her tracks this time, passerby giving the two of you dirty looks as they swerve around you. She pins you with a pointed expression that has you blinking back at her. “What?”

Maya only continues to stare, tilting her head and biting her tongue until you finally put the pieces together. Your eyes going wide before you shake your head vigorously.

“No. No. You’re wrong.”

Maya scoffs and continues walking. “Uh-huh.”

“I’ve told you this before. We’re just comfortable with each other. He’s my—”

“Best friend who has made heart eyes at you the entire time I’ve known you two.”

“He does not. He looks at me like he’s always looked at me.”

“Exactly.”

“I—need I remind you that I’m in a committed relationship?”

“So? That doesn’t affect his feelings.”

“Tae has dated plenty of girls.”

“And with much success, obviously.”

You hesitate. “It’s not his fault that they all—”

“See how he looks at you and decide not to waste their time?”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Sure it is.”

“You’re misreading it. It’s just that we have history.”

“And chemistry. And while we’re rattling off school subjects the two of you share, I’m sure he’d be willing to help you with your physical education.”

“Maya.”

“I’m just saying!” She adjusts the bag, the plastic rustling the air. “I just got this sense that something, I don’t know, broke after Luna. I figured he finally realized how hung up on you he is or something, and that’s why he hasn’t dated since.”

The idea of a broken Taehyung squeezes your heart as your frown impossibly deepens. “That’s not…no. That’s definitely not what it was. He’s fine. We’re fine. Everything is fine.”

“Okay. Fine. If you say so.”

The two of you fall into silence, the light crackle of Maya’s bag hanging delicately between you. The sun is starting to dip behind buildings now, stretching long shadows onto the ground in front of you as you turn onto her block. You inhale a long, shaky breath.

Yes, it’s been a while since Taehyung has dated, and yes, this is a little peculiar. He may be your best friend, but part of that means you’ve watched him grow from awkward kid to gangly teenager to one of the most handsome men you’ve ever laid eyes on. You’re not blind—you’ve seen how it’s unsurprisingly garnered him a good deal of female attention throughout the years (Saturday afternoon was not the first time he’s been hit on by a waitress). And while he’s never been anywhere near Jungkook’s level of playboy, he’s definitely been on his fair share of dates.

You don’t doubt that Maya’s noticed something of a shift in him—after you, she’s probably the person who knows him best. But both you and Taehyung have always insisted that your platonic relationship is, well, entirely platonic. So even if something changed for him, she has to be off base as to the why.

Right?

“Maya—”

“Look, I’m not telling you to sleep with him or leave Jace or anything like that. Just…” Maya purses her lips together, blowing air out of her nose. “Step back and look at what you’re doing to him before you lecture the rest of us. The guy is crazy about you, and you’re the only one who doesn’t see it.”

Well.

Shit.

She climbs the steps to her front door, slipping in the key and opening it before turning back to where you remain at the bottom of the stoop fiddling with your purse strap.

“You coming?”

“Um,” you hesitate. Your eyes drift off down the street, mind suddenly racing . “I don’t know. I’m not really hungry anymore.”

Maya’s expression softens. “I didn’t mean to upset you…”

“No, no,” you say with another shake of your head. “I’m not mad. I just think I want to go home, maybe take a bath.”

“Okay,” Maya slowly responds. “I’ll see you at the show Friday night?”

You smile. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

Perhaps, Maya muses as she watches you saunter down the sidewalk, calling you out was not the right move. But the thought only lingers for a moment before she turns with a shrug and goes inside.

It’s Sunday night when you find yourself at the guys’ apartment for your and Taehyung’s weekly meal prep tradition. The ritual is the evolution of several years of having to care for yourselves—a need to eat turned into a sacred bonding activity for two people who had learned to rely on each other.

You and Taehyung met when you were eight-years-old after your teacher had fatefully situated your desks next to each other on the first day of school. A compliment from Taehyung on the color of your pencil case (a bright and bold turquoise) turned into a fast friendship that rapidly deepened as you realized just how similar you were: both only children living in homes with parents who were neglectful in their own ways.

In spite of growing up in a lavish, sparkling house with more rooms than you could count, your childhood was a struggle as your endlessly-busy, high-powered-lawyer parents virtually ignored your existence and left you to your own devices, working late hours every day and oftentimes not even ensuring that you had been properly fed. The mansion had felt like a prison, long hallways and tall ceilings devoid of life, filled with nothing but a terrible sense of loneliness.

That was, at least, until Taehyung showed up.

When either of you had a bad day (which was, admittedly, most days), he would slip away from the tiny, one-bedroom house on the poorer side of town, where his mother had abandoned him to an alcoholic father, and you'd sneak him in the back door (your parents either never noticed or simply didn't care). The two of you would raid the kitchen cabinets for snacks and lug your loot up to your bedroom, where you'd throw together a giant fort made of pillows and blankets with your prized possession at the center—a small globe light with tiny cut-out stars.

You never really talked about your respective situations—there was never really a need to. He saw your non-relationship with your parents firsthand, and you had heard the rumors about his family—whispers at school about the boy with secondhand clothes and a dad who often had to be dragged out of the local bars. The outside world may have been cruel, passing judgment on the both of you (and Taehyung especially) for circumstances outside of your control, but in the comfort of your room, even that fostered your kinship. It was like your own minuscule universe, belonging only to the two of you, and as you munched on your popcorn and watched the soft stars dance across the propped-up fabric, you'd talk and tell each other stories. Stories about anything from kings and queens to pirates to cowboys to astronauts. The only rule was that every tale had to have a happy ending.

As you got older, you traded your storytelling nights for evenings experimenting in the kitchen, sick of gorging yourselves on chips, pretzels, and sodas. Occasionally, once Taehyung purchased his first camera from a secondhand shop with money he saved delivering newspapers, he'd drag you around town for a photoshoot. You’d wander the streets together, helping him to scout out areas for inspiration, and he’d use you as his model to practice portraits and photographing human subjects. This tradition, too, had faded once the two of you escaped your hometown to go to college (you're not sure your parents even realized you had left), as Taehyung began working on class projects with Maya and you started spending more time with Jace. Only your weekly meal prep had persisted.

Your cooking had been a staple during college, you and Taehyung hosting “family dinners” for you and your friends on weekends (usually followed by a good few rounds of drinks), eventually shifting into you making batch meals on Sundays once you’d all graduated and begun working. That was when it had been you who’d lived in this apartment, back before you’d moved in with Jace and Jungkook had taken your place here. Still, even as lifestyles and living arrangements changed, you always wound up cooking with Taehyung on Sunday nights.

“What are mom and dad making tonight?” Jimin trills, reaching over the counter to take a swipe at a baby carrot. You shoo his hand away.

“Nothing, if you keep stealing our ingredients. Aren’t you supposed to be going to the gym?”

“I am, but someone,” he turns to yell over his shoulder, “is taking their sweet ass time getting ready!”

A door clicks open down the hall before Jungkook’s voice yells out, “Calm down, asshole, I’m almost done!” The door slams shut again.

“Such a diva,” Jimin huffs, gaining an edge to pop a carrot into his mouth. You let out a cry of protest.

“Chim, cut it out!” You turn to Taehyung who is at the opposite counter with his back to you, chopping more vegetables. “Tae, stop him.”

Taehyung snorts, not turning around. “That’s my job?”

“You have a knife.”

“Sorry, I’ve taken a vow of nonviolence.”

“Unbelievable,” you mutter as Jimin tries to reach around you again. “Hands off, Park, or I swear to God I will kick you in the balls, and you will not see it coming.”

“Guy’s gotta get some action somehow, am I right?” Jungkook comes striding down the hallway in a tank top and shorts, looking more like he’s ready for a magazine cover shoot than a gym visit as he bounds up to where you and Jimin stand in the kitchen.

“Hey, I get plenty of action!”

“You were literally whining this morning that it’s been three months.”

Jimin flushes. “That’s because I don’t sleep with my friends.”

“Neither do I,” Jungkook says, throwing a wink in your direction as you roll your eyes back at him.

“You’re disgusting. It’s a wonder Maya puts up with you.”

“It’s definitely more of a puts out situation.” He taps his chin thoughtfully. “And not really up? Contrary to what you might expect, she’s usually under—“

“Jeon Jungkook.” Then, when he makes a move to grab a carrot, you turn to Taehyung and snap, “Tae, give me a knife, I’ll stab them myself.”

Barely looking up, he reaches over to grab a knife out of the block, twisting it in his hands to hold it delicately by the blade and offer it to you handle-first. You grip it, only to slam the knife down firmly on its side in front of you, staring down Jimin and Jungkook in a silent challenge. But Jimin merely quirks an eyebrow in silent laughter, while Jungkook lets out a teasing, “Hot.”

You glare and raise the knife to chest level, pointing it at his sternum and trying to muster as much threatening energy as you possibly can in the face of a guy who could bench press you in his sleep. And while his facial expression remains one of passive amusement, he raises his hands in mock surrender and says, "Fine, fine, we're going."

With a sweep of their gym bags, they make their way out, and there's one last, "Save some for us!" from Jimin before the door swings shut behind them.

You sigh. "Idiots."

"But they're our idiots," Taehyung says, and a glance over your shoulder tells you that he's laughing at your frustration, a smile brightening his features and warming your chest.

"Remind me why we adopted them again?"

"You instantly fell for Jimin's puppy dog eyes when he was wandering around lost at orientation, and Kook..." He trails off. "Why did we adopt Kook?"

"School administration made you dorm with him, and we haven't been able to get rid of him since?"

"Oh yeah, that's right."

You fall into a comfortable silence, the only sound being that of your respective knives hitting the cutting board before Taehyung speaks up again.

"Speaking of Kook, you never told me how your conversation with Maya went."

You're thankful you have your back to him because you immediately feel yourself flush, heat shooting up your neck like an erupting volcano. You want to say, Yeah, it went great. She told me that you're desperately in love with me, and I'm the reason why none of your relationships have worked out. But that's ridiculous, right? Right?!

Instead, you do your best to mask your expression into one of relative impassivity and say, “Well, according to her, this isn’t new. They’ve been doing this for two years.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I wish.”

Taehyung ignores that. “How did none of us ever notice?”

“That’s what I can’t figure out. You’d think we would’ve noticed a change or something, right?”

He’s quiet, and you glance over to see him staring at a distant point out the window, lost in thought, the heel of the knife absentmindedly tapping a beat against the board. Taehyung’s always been introspective—content to sit in contemplation as he slowly works an idea through his mind. He’s thoughtful like that, ever the deliberator and rarely one to act on impulse. You balance each other out in this regard, with you having always been more inclined to break rules as you see fit and Taehyung being there to reel you in as needed.

“Maybe it works for them,” he finally says, and you feel your eyebrows shoot halfway up your forehead.

“You can’t seriously think this is a good idea.”

He shrugs, attention drawn back to the vegetables in front of him. “It hasn’t caused a problem yet, right?”

“The operative word there being yet.”

He shrugs again, brows tilting together. “I’m just saying that they’re both consenting adults, and if it’s gone this long without any catastrophes, maybe it really is a good arrangement for both of them.”

“It’s Maya and Kook. They’re always a catastrophe.”

“Exactly. They’d probably have an eventual falling out even if they weren’t sleeping together, so who knows? Maybe it actually helps them work some of that tension off.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“I didn’t say it was healthy.” He finishes chopping his last onion and sets his knife down, crossing the kitchen to check your own progress. Reaching over you, he grabs a piece of carrot and slips it into his mouth, grinning when you frown at him. “Really, Y/N, what can you do?”

“I know, but they’re…they’re the closest thing to family that we have. You know that.”

“Families can be dysfunctional. We both know that.” He munches on another carrot. “I’d still take them over my biological family any day.”

When that still doesn’t seem to entirely placate you, he reaches out to squeeze your shoulder, the tips of his fingers brushing the base of your neck and raising goosebumps there, before he slides his hand down to loop your pinkies together. “What will happen will happen. Don’t let it worry you unnecessarily.” Then he’s off heating up oil on the stove.

Normally, the brief touch would have barely registered in your mind—a simple gesture you had gotten into the habit of using when you were kids to provide reassurance. But it’s like your conversation with Maya has been inked under your skin, recoloring your perspective on the single-most steadfast relationship you’ve ever had in your life.

You hate it.

The oil begins to bubble on the stove, but Taehyung is distracted, rummaging around the refrigerator for something, so you take over, dumping in the beef that will help form the base for the soup. You throw in some seasoning, poking at the meat with a spoon and willing it to brown.

“So you’re really not interested in dating again?”

The words slip out, and the contents of the pot pop angrily at you.

Yeah, you might regret this later.

“Hmm?” Taehyung closes the fridge, cracking open the beer that’s now in his hand.

You curse your loose tongue under your breath. “Just…the other day at lunch. You were so against asking that waitress for her number.”

“She wasn’t my type.”

“And you don’t want to bring a date to the wedding.”

“I’d only bring a long-term girlfriend to a wedding. Less of a chance we’d have to edit her out of pictures later.”

“And how many dates have you been on since Luna? It’s been what, almost a full year?”

His brow scrunches, and the way he’s studying you makes you blush. “Why the sudden interest in my love life?”

You stare determinedly into the soup pot, trying to look nonchalant. “You’re my best friend, and I want to see you happy. Of course I’m interested.”

He props his hip against the counter in thought and takes a long drag of beer before he answers you. “I thought after Luna that it would be best if I take some time to focus on myself before diving back in. That’s all.”

“She really did a number on you, huh?”

“Something like that.”

You poke at the beginnings of your soup, memories of an absolutely miserable Taehyung surfacing in your mind. “It sucked, you know.”

“What?”

“Seeing your heart break.”

“Ah.” He takes another drink. “Right.”

“I swear, if I saw her again, I’d be tempted to kick her ass.”

He chuckles at that, and it rumbles his entire chest.

It might stir something in yours, too.

“I mean it, Tae.”

“Oh, trust me, I know you do.”

“Could be anywhere: club, grocery store. I’m not afraid to throw hands.”

He gives a tilt of his head. “She was a third degree black belt.”

“Well I kicked that Kenji kid in the groin during recess after he stole your backpack, and he cried for like twenty minutes. Remember that? He was practically six feet tall in the fifth grade, and that didn’t stop me. First degree black belt my ass.”

“Third degree.”

“Whatever.”

“Well as much as I appreciate your determined defense of my pride, I can assure you any emotional distress I suffered was minimal—“

“You haven’t dated since!”

“—and is definitely not worth putting yourself in the hospital over.”

“You don’t miss it though? What about like…” You trail off, cursing your stupid mouth getting ahead of your brain. You’ve never really talked about this before. Relationships, sure, but when it comes to the physical, along with your families, it’s one of the few subjects you avoid.

As your pause stretches on, he raises his eyebrows in question, and you decide to just come out with it.

“What about sex?”

Taehyung, to his credit, is unfazed by your sudden mention of the taboo. “I still have two hands, and they haven’t failed me so far.”

“Oh, Tae, ew.”

He grins devilishly at you, mischief brightening his eyes. It’s a look that he used to wear all the time when you were kids but which became rarer once he mellowed out with adulthood.

Seeing it on him now makes your heart jump.

“Point taken, forget I asked,” you say, and he laughs.

“Really, I’m fine with taking a break from dating for now. Isn’t that what that band you love is always preaching? Self-love and all that.”

You huff out a breath, nodding at his hands. “You don’t say.”

He laughs again, grinning down at you, and the uncertainty you’ve been feeling bubbles up again, your nerves sparking in time with a particularly loud crackle from the pot on the stove.

“Ah, geez, don’t let it burn,” he says, nudging you out of the way to take over. You take the opportunity to wander over to the fridge for a water bottle, feeling the need to cool yourself down. Honestly, what is wrong with you?

Taehyung, in sync with your moods by now, reads you like a book. “I feel like I should be asking you if you’re okay.” He says as he sets the meat aside and begins simmering the mirepoix in the fat. “You seem distracted.”

The conversation has become too much for you to wrestle with at this point, and you feel the need to shut it down before it gets out of control entirely. So you swallow down your anxieties like a pill without water and deflect.

“There’s just…a lot going on right now.”

It’s almost imperceptible, possibly a trick of the light, but his back stiffens ever so slightly. “Hmm, I’m sure.” He looks up at you from the stove, eyes pinning you where you stand. “But you’d tell me if there were something?”

You swallow. “Of course. You?”

“Of course.”

And that has to be enough for now.

The glow of the sunset creeps into your room as you put the finishing touches on your make-up for the night. You're running later than anticipated as you had hoped to catch Jace before you left—you know he has a virtual client meeting scheduled in fifteen minutes that he had planned to attend from home, but he texted you a half-hour ago saying that he got caught up at the office and might just take it there.

With your make-up done, you can't justify lingering any longer and decide to just leave him a note letting him know when you'll be back. Jace's desk is an absolute mess, but you're thankfully able to locate a notepad easily. A pen, however, is a different matter, and it's not long before you're rummaging through the drawers trying to find anything to write with. For a man who keeps his appearance so well-groomed, he has a true affinity for clutter, and you roll your eyes at the junk you have to sift through in search of a simple writing utensil: a hammer, old movie tickets, a broken picture frame, a ring box...

A ring box?

You pause, fingers hovering over the black velvet. Surely, you shouldn't look, right? You already feel like you're crossing some line by discovering the small box—you should preserve some element of surprise for both of your sakes.

Still, the devil on your shoulder whispers to sneak a peek...

Your decision is made for you as you hear the front door click open and shut, and you hastily close the drawer and try to school your features into something casual.

"Hey, gorgeous."

Jace leans in the doorway grinning, not a single sandy brown hair out of place and his impeccably-ironed dress shirt pulled tight across his toned chest. In a fraction of a second, you see his eyes flick from his desk drawer to where you stand stiffly in front of it.

"Hey!" The word comes out a little too loudly, and you rush to cover up the blunder. "I thought I wouldn't see you."

"Wanted to surprise my girl," he says, smile brightening as he swings a hand from behind his back to offer you a single red rose. You feel your cheeks heating up as you take it from him, marveling at how—even four years down the line—he can still manage to charm you.

He presses a kiss to your mouth, hands trailing down the back of your dress to palm your ass with a groan. "Fuck. Can't believe I have this work meeting when you look like this."

"And unfortunately, I need to get going, too, or Maya will have my head." You lean in for another quick peck. "Rain check for later?"

He chuckles, letting you go with one final squeeze. "I'll hold you to that."

"Look who finally showed up!" is what you're greeted with when you locate your friends in the gallery atrium, dodging the other patrons milling about.

"Sorry, got caught up with Jace," you say, shrugging at Maya's teasing glare.

Jungkook winks at you. "I'm sure you did."

"Yah, Kook, don't be gross," Jimin complains, slapping him on the arm.

"What?! She looks great! Right, Tae? Tell her she looks great."

You meet Taehyung's eyes for the first time since you walked up, and he shifts on his feet, gaze darting down to the accentuated curve of your hips. Clearing his throat, he smiles and says, "You look beautiful."

Cheeks hot, you murmur a quiet, "Thanks," so distracted by the awkwardness of the moment that you don't notice the look exchanged by Jimin and Maya between you.

Friends can call friends beautiful and not have it mean anything beyond that, right? You told Maya she looked gorgeous when she bought her dress with you last weekend, and you’d definitely be willing to admit that Taehyung looks incredible tonight. His navy blue suit hugs the lines of his body perfectly—highlighting his tall, lithe form—while his hair is combed up and off his forehead in a style that projects both professionalism and approachability. Combine that with the easy smile he keeps on his face, and he’s basically in male model territory.

You’ll be stunned if he doesn’t get hit on again tonight.

You make some idle small talk with your friends for a few minutes (Jungkook is trying to convince the others to head over to the bar where he works after the reception) before Maya gently nudges you with an elbow.

"Go and have a look around. Mine are back there," she declares, nodding her head towards the right hand corner of the exhibit, "but you should really check out all of the work—there's some good stuff. Hoseok and Sunny are around somewhere too."

You nod, welcoming the chance to see what it is your friends have been working so hard on, and excuse yourself to peruse the gallery. You may not be much of a creative mind yourself, but years of friendship with Taehyung and his infectious enthusiasm have at least helped you develop an appreciation for art. Weaving between the walls of frames and canvases, you stop here and there as a piece catches your eye: dark bars slashed across a messy outline of a heart titled Fake Love; a small boy offering up a waffle cone that holds a rose instead of ice cream—For You.

However, you find yourself slowing down entirely when you get to Maya's collection of photographs. They're mostly black and white candids of strangers. A woman shopping in an outdoor market. A girl chasing a dog in a park. Your friends pop up occasionally, and you smile at one of the memories you recognize: Jungkook pushing Jimin into the pool during your friendcation last year, bunny smile stretched wide across his face.

And suddenly you're frozen by a photo that's in full color.

It's Taehyung's face in close-up, his head turned to the side as he looks at something out of frame. His jaw strikes a downward line, mouth ever so slightly dipped open in something akin to wonder and tan cheeks curving with subtle delight. It's his eyes you can't look away from, though, opened wide enough to soak in whatever he's looking at that they reflect the golden lights around him, tiny galaxies swimming in his irises.

"Enjoying the view?" a deep voice teases at your shoulder, the man himself coming to stand at your side.

"That's an incredible picture of you," you tell him, still taking it in.

He hums in agreement. "I told you, she did a good job."

"Was that last summer?"

"Yeah." He nods his head at the picture of Jimin and Jungkook. "Same night as that, I think."

"What were you looking at?"

Taehyung is quiet as he thinks, scratching lightly at his nose. "I can't say I remember. Probably Hoseok walking out with that plate of pork belly. That was mouth-watering."

You laugh, and he smiles back at you before gesturing at the rows of artwork. "Can I show you some of my favorites?"

"I'd love that."

You let him drag you away, but not before glancing back to read the title card delicately placed next to Taehyung's image.

Your eyes tell.

Taehyung navigates you around the exhibit for a while, describing his role in organizing the gallery and stopping to gush about his favorite pieces. You've always loved hearing him talk about art, his passion for the subject illuminating his face as he enthuses about light and shadows and colors.

He's explaining the rule of thirds to you when Maya interrupts, telling Taehyung she has a potential client for him that she wants him to meet. He promises to find you later as she whisks him away, and, alone again, you decide to head to the adjoining reception area in search of your other friends.

You’re only a few steps into the room when you hear a voice call out your name, Jimin flagging you down from where he stands at a table with Jungkook, Hoseok, and Sunny, and you quickly slide up to hug the latter two.

“You guys made it! We’ve missed you. How’s wedding planning going?”

Hoseok groans into his champagne. “Please do not remind me,” he grumbles. “It makes med school feel like a cakewalk.”

“What my wonderful fiancé meant to say,” Sunny says, playfully elbowing Hoseok in the side and making him sputter on his drink, “is that it’s going fantastically, and we can’t wait to celebrate with you all.”

“Rumor is that it’s the can’t-miss event of the year,” Jimin singsongs. “And Kook and I are bringing the party!” He reaches over so he and Jungkook can share a short but excessively elaborate handshake.

Sunny looks on, amused. “Speaking of, do you two know if you’re bringing dates? We don’t have to finalize headcount quite yet, but knowing sooner rather than later would be appreciated.”

“I will definitely be going stag, but I think Kook might have one, yeah?” Jimin’s voice is teasing, but Jungkook doesn’t catch on, throwing him a quizzical look and causing Jimin to clarify with a smirk. “Maya.”

Jungkook scoffs, muttering, “Not a chance,” while Hoseok’s and Sunny’s eyebrows shoot up in sync.

“You and Maya are dating now?” Sunny asks, eyes wide.

Jungkook tosses Jimin a glare. “No, he’s being an ass.”

When Sunny and Hoseok continue to look confused, glancing back and forth between Jungkook and Jimin, Jimin explains, "We found out recently—and unpleasantly for me, might I add—that Maya and Kook here have been engaging in some activities with, ah, no strings?"

Hoseok's eyebrows go impossibly higher, threatening to meld with his hairline, as his mouth pops open in surprise. "Uhh...congrats?"

Jungkook shakes his head, bottom lip jutting out like a child. "Chim's just jealous because he's in a drought."

"Hey!"

"I, for one, don't see an issue," Sunny says, hopping in to play peacemaker before Jimin and Jungkook devolve into one of their notorious bickering sessions. "You're both adults. And don't sweat it, Jimin, any girl would be lucky to have you."

"What's that supposed to mea—" Hoseok starts to ask before Sunny shuts him up with a finger to his lips, subtly nodding her head at the clearly placated men.

"I just can't believe you two are finally getting married." You change the subject, snatching up a flute of champagne off a tray as a waiter walks by. "Been a long time coming."

Sunny hums. "To be honest, I'm surprised we're beating you and Jace to the alter," she says, and now it's your turn to cough on your drink. "When is that happening?"

"Oh, I, um—" you stutter, as you weigh how much you should say. You should keep what you saw earlier a secret, right? After all, what if you're wrong and you come out looking like a fool?

But four pairs of eyes are now fixed on you expectantly, and these are your friends so you cave.

"Okay, I am swearing all of you to secrecy," you say, making deliberate eye contact with each of them in turn to emphasize your point, "but I literally found a ring box in his desk earlier when I was getting ready to come here."

The table erupts in your friends' squeals and cheers, Jimin and Jungkook coming around to playfully shake your shoulders.

"Oh my gosh, I knew it!"

"That's amazing news!"

"I want to be man of honor!"

"I already called dibs!"

"What are we calling dibs on?"

Your heart skips as Taehyung joins your table, smiling at the five of you but obviously perplexed as to what the ruckus is about. And maybe you're imagining it, but your friends all seem to quiet down at his appearance as well, causing Maya's words to once again echo in your mind. The guy is crazy about you, and you're the only one who doesn't see it.

An awkward silence drapes itself over the table, Jimin being the one to pipe up when Taehyung's expression begins to morph from curious to concerned. "Y/N, tell him the good news!"

At that, Taehyung's brown eyes settle on you, and so you take a deep breath and spill. "I found a ring box in Jace's desk."

You're looking at him intently, and it's only the tiniest sliver of a second, but you see it. Unmistakably.

His face drops.

If Maya's photo captured stars in his eyes, you watch each go out one-by-one, his lips pressing together like he's trying not to be sick. A heaviness hits his shoulders that has his chest curling inwards and you almost reaching out to him...

And just like that—all at once—he's gathered his features into a smile and beams at you.

"That's fantastic, Y/N. I'm so incredibly happy for you."

His voice sounds genuine, dripping in the baritone honey that is so warm and so him, but you know what you saw—you're sure of it—and it has your mind spinning.

Shit, shit, shit, she was right.

You down your champagne in one gulp, oblivious to the shocked faces around you as you throw it back and thump the glass harshly on the table. "I'm going for a drink. Anyone want anything?"

You barely give them time to shake their heads before you're scurrying away to the bar and ordering a cosmopolitan—strong. Thoughts whirring, you try to make sense of Taehyung’s crestfallen expression as the bartender mixes your drink. There surely must be an alternate explanation, right? Until now, Taehyung has never, ever given any indication that he has feelings for you. This must be a mistake; you must be seeing things…

But just as the bartender slides your glass across the countertop, you glance back at the table, blood running cold as you find Taehyung already looking at you. He gives you a tight-lipped smile that doesn’t quite make it to his eyes before turning back to listen to whatever Jimin is currently saying.

You quickly down your second drink of the night and order a third.

a/n: and we’re off! likes, reblogs, comments, asks, feedback, constructive criticism, and carrier pigeons are all appreciated! this started off as a story with all OCs, and the first drafts of some of these scenes were originally written in third person omniscient so please forgive me if the POVs are a little all over the place in this chapter. it’ll be rectified moving forward!

taglist open: just message or reply 😊

#taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts x reader #bts x you #bts imagines #taehyung imagines #taehyung fic #taehyung fanfic #bts fluff #bts angst #taehyung #bts fic #bts fanfic

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thecapricunt1616 · 11 months ago

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Blue Lotus - SxC One-Shot

♡ O/S Inspo: Blue Lotus - In Vedic Hindu tradition, the lotus represents enlightenment as well as purity. It is the symbol of the consciousness rising out of the mud of Maya and attaining its original nature or self-realization.

♡ Summary: Carmen accidentally almost checks out of life permanently due to a migraine fucking up his vision, and Sugar flips & sends him off to a trauma rehabilitation center, Syd is realizing she finds it extremely hard to stay away from him.

♡ W/C: 7,616

♡ Posted Date: 04/06/2024

♡ A/N: This is my first SydCarmy fic aaa!!! I have a hard time writing in 3rd unless its not my characters, so writing in 3rd for them was okay! This OS is all thanks to the LOML - the person who FULLY turned me into a #SydCarmy4Lifer - @gingergofastboatsmojito - This fic was HEAVILY - heavily, inspired by hers - Tucson, It can be found right ❀ here ❀ - My only request is you go read hers if you are going to read this one!! Her SydCarmy fics are the best, and the only ones I really read, give her a follow because her SydCarmy theories are also out of this world. Also, YES GINGER - Stardust is .... a horse - ol' girl TOLD THEM she'd always be watching!! If you'd like to meet Madame in her human form, mosey on over here - this fic also heavily inspired me to write for SydCarmy hahaha. If y'all want more of Blue Lotus let me know! I have ideas for a PT 2 if it would fancy anyone :)

♡ Warnings for BTC: Accidental OD , Vomit, Sad Syd, but fluffy kinda!! Only lightly edited (we die like men), OC Carmy (IM SORRY) we all know he's down bad for her so maybe this can be considered IC Carm, because were just in his head more then watching him? But that's all basically.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

Carmen was sick as a dog. Well - physically- the mental demons never stopped nagging at his overall happiness level, but it had been a long time since he’d felt this horrible, physically speaking, at least.

His muscles were aching, to the point any brush on his skin left a dull pain in its wake. His throat was swollen and sore, he had a terrible fever- his head felt like it was so full of pressure that it would explode.

He’d never experienced a headache like this before. His vision was actually spotty, there were little blotches in his vision, that were... glowing? He wasn’t quite sure, it was beyond the realm of anything he’d ever felt or seen before.

That was what must have caused him to grab his black bottle of oxydose he’d gotten after a root canal he had a few months back- rather then his liquid Zyrtec cold and flu liquid medicine.

The pain in his head was so bad, he didn’t even question why the usual cherry flavor had been replaced with bubblegum, as he swallows straight from the bottle, before putting the cap back on and going back to the couch, collapsing in the nest of pillows and blankets.

It was only about 10 minutes, and Carmy was feeling fine- no…Carmen was feeling… amazing.

His limbs all felt very heavy, but he felt warm, and comfortable. As comfortable as he’d ever felt. He actually found himself thinking ‘have I ever felt this good?!’ And before he knew it, he was laughing to himself about how he should double dose cold medicine more often, because he felt as if he was on cloud fucking nine.

He laid back on the couch, closing his eyes, and wasn’t sure just how long he laid there that way. It could have been minutes, hours, days for all he knew. The only thing he was thinking of, was her. He began wondering what she was doing right now, if she was adorably leaned over the counter, writing in her little notebook- her braids cascaded over her face like a beautiful beaded curtain.

If the blood in his arms hadn’t been replaced with cement, he’d have grabbed his phone and called her, and poured out his entire heart to her. Because nothing else in the world right now mattered. Carmen had no other thoughts, the past didn’t exist, nor did the future. The only thing that existed in this world at this very moment, was Sydney.

‘Psssst’

Carmen opens his heavy lids, just barely, his vision was blurry and almost doubled. “Mmm?” He hums, not even sure if he heard someone- or why he would hear someone. He lived alone, and didn’t hear anyone come in.

‘Yo. Dipshit.’ Carmen knew that voice anywhere.

“What?” Carmy looked around, and knew something was very amiss, when his brother was standing there in his living room, looking at him. He had this ethereal glow to him.

“What the fuck” Carmen said, sitting back on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

‘You’re nodding out right now. Here’s what y’gonna do.’

Carmen couldn’t do anything but nod his head obediently, was Mikey really here? He couldn’t be- he was hallucinating.

“Monkey are you here?” Carmen asks softly, rubbing his eyes again to see if he would disappear. He didn’t.

‘I’m as here as you’ll be if Y’don’t listen. Crawl to the fucking bathroom and throw up. She’s gonna be here f’you, don’t fight her’

Before Carmy could look back at him and question what he meant - he was gone.

Carmen suddenly felt…much too hot. He tried getting up, but narrowly missed bashing his skull on the coffee table trying to get to the bathroom, so he decided to take his wise older brother's advice and crawl there instead.

He didn’t finish the journey, though. He actually collapsed in the bathroom a few feet in front of the toilet, luckily on his stomach.

He was catching all sorts of luck today, because Syd had insisted she go and check on Carmy, as he was supposed to be at work today but hadn’t said a word- and that was nothing like him.

She got the extra key from Nat, and told her she would go check because ‘Pregnant women have by nature weaker immune systems’ and would blame herself if she ‘let Carmen get her sick’, so she convinced Sugar to let her go by herself.

When Sydney had opened the door, the first thing that greeted her was loads of empty Gatorade bottles on the coffee table near the couch, and a random French cooking show playing on the tv.

“Carm?” She calls, but when she saw one of his feet sticking out from the bathroom, she dropped her bag and ran, gasping when she saw him splayed out there in a puddle of vomit, looking sickly pale, with dark blue lips and fingertips.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF!” She shrieked, getting him on his side as fast as she could and quickly pushing the emergency button on her phone, putting the call on speaker and setting it to the bathroom counter.

“Carmen? CARMEN! Wake up!” She slapped his arm, shaking him violently. “Carmen! Oh- oh god.” She said nervously.

‘911 do you need fire, medical, or police?’ The woman at the other end says.

“Medical! Medical my friend- oh god Carmen” she shakes his shoulders.

“Okay what’s your emergency?” The operator asks

“Uhh- I- he’s- so he’s thrown up, he’s passed out, his pulse is weak- he- his lips- t-they’re blue. oh Carmy” she touches his cold clammy forehead. “He- he’s- he’s cold oh my god why is he COLD can you fucking send someone Jesus Christ!” Sydney snaps angrily.

“Okay- it sounds like he is having an opioid crisis ma’am, do you have narcan available?” The operator asked her and Syds heart drops.

“No- what? No! He- he wouldn’t- his brother- he…get here!” She said frantically and quickly told her the address of Carmen’s apartment complex.

“Yes, yes you’re calling on an Iphone, ma’am - we have your exact coordinates. Just in case - do not try to make him throw up more, make sure his airway is clear- what is your name?” The woman asked her.

“Sydney- my name is fucking Sydney - but it doesn’t matter! He matters! My god! His name is Carmen- C-Carmen fucking Berzatto! Put that in your notes lady! He- he’s 31- where the fuck is the ambulance?!” She uses all of her strength to get him leaned up against the counter.

His vomit was getting everywhere, but she didn’t care. She couldn’t find a way to care, the only thing that mattered to her was that each breath Carmy was taking looked more and more difficult.

“They are en route! Remain calm, how long have you known this friend?” The Operator tried to distract Sydney, since there was only so much you could do for an OD patient if there was no narcan.

“He- he’s my…my partner we run a restaurant together. This doesn’t matter! Save him. Please! I can’t loose him!” She said, shaking his shoulders.

“Carmen! You fucking asshole! What did you do!!!” She shouts at him. “You would never do this! What did you do!!!” She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, it didn’t matter though- Carmen wasn’t awake to see it.

No, Carmen was far, far away. Somewhere floating between life and death, he felt like he was being embraced in the warmest most comforting hug he’d ever felt, he’d never been more comfortable in his life.

But Syd, was in hell. Her own personal version of it. It felt like a lifetime before 2 paramedics came barreling into the bathroom, one of them holds Carmys head steady and the other sprays a full dosage of narcan in his nose.

Sydney stood in the corner near the shower, shaking hands cupping her face absolutely terrified.

Carmen was up now, nearly the second the paramedic hit the plunger release. He sits up with a gasp, eyes wide like a caged animal.

“What the fuck.” He mumbles, looking at both of them before meeting eyes with Syd.

“Syd?” He blinks a few times.

She lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding “you asshole” she grumbles, wiping her teary eyes.

“You’re home, you’re safe, you overdosed. Do you take opioids often?” The paramedic asked, putting a blood pressure cuff around Carmen’s arm.

“What? No- what the fuck don’t touch me!” Carmen snaps, ripping off the cuff and whipping it across the bathroom “stop- stop! Stop touching me- get away” he shouted angrily “I’m fine” he hissed.

“CARMEN!” Sydney barks, she’d never used that tone with him- so it was fair to say it very quickly got his attention.

“You will let them do their job, dick. I just- I- I find you in a puddle of your own vomit on the bathroom floor- I couldn’t wake you up! So now? you’re gonna listen to them.” She said angrily, grabbing the blood pressure cuff from next to her leg where it fell and handing it back to the paramedic.

“Give him your arm.” She snipped.

Carmen sits back against the bathroom wall like a dog being scolded, wordlessly offering his arm to the paramedic and keeping his gaze fixed on his lap.

“192 over 96” the paramedic told the other.

“Christ kid” the paramedic said, “gave you a fuckin dose of narcan and y’wired like y’re on coke” they helped him up and on the gurney.

“Hes- he’s gonna be okay?” Sydney asked anxiously, watching as they buckled him in by his hips and legs.

“He's gonna be fine in a day or so.” One of them responded. Carmen just looked away, the shame and embarrassment already looming over his mind like a huge storm cloud.

“I’m gonna…I’ll- I’ll clean up, and meet you at the hospital, ok? And I’ll have sugar meet you” she told Carmen and went over, giving him a hug.

He couldn’t understand. It made him slightly angry how sweet she was being to him. He was putting her out, he was fully fucking up her whole day- but all she was worried about was him.

“Syd..I’m fine. Thanks. But I’m fine. Don't- just…ugh no- please- I’ll do it. Just go- go home. take the day” He said, gently patting her back.

He wanted to throw his arms around her and never let go, he wanted to kiss her- he wanted to hold her and tell her he would never leave her again. He wanted to tell her he loved her.

But he didn’t. He wouldn’t, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would, or could for that matter, since he didn’t even realize yet that was what the feeling in his heart really meant.

“Thank god. Thank god you’re fine, Carm. What would I do without the biggest pain in my ass?” She teased.

Even though Carmen was hurting all over in a way he didn’t realize was possible, his lungs were aching, as was his entire body, and he felt as if the pressure behind his eyes were going to make them pop out - he smiled. It was slight, of course. But it was there.

“Couldn’t get rid’a’me if y’tried, Syd.” he told her.

The ride to the hospital was Carmen’s nightmare. They insisted on the stupid flashing lights and sirens, since his blood pressure was ‘dangerously high’ so he was at risk for a heart attack, and then rolling him out on a stretcher in front of all his neighbors was nothing short of a god damn dumpster fire.

He was never home, but like hell he’d ever intentionally show his face during the day again.

The hospital was even worse, he got plugged in to all these monitors and had an oxygen mask, got poked and prodded with needles, and was told he was being put on a 24 hour psych hold per hospital policy after an overdose- just in case he’d been trying to end his own life.

Sugar got there shortly after the nurses had finally let him be, when he heard her loudly telling them “CARMEN! BERZATTO! Like bear! B-e-r-z-a-t-t-o!!! Where IS HE !” He ripped off the oxygen mask, knowing if she saw him that way he’d never live it down.

Even though it really was helping ease the ache in his lungs and the pain in his head, he was willing to deal with it for his very pregnant sister not to worry.

Her heels click as she storms down the hall to his room, ripping the curtain back.

“Oh- Bear” she said, bursting into tears and rushing up to him, hugging him tightly. “Oh my god, bear. Never do that! What did you do? No- no- you aren’t in trouble, you aren’t in trouble, Carmen. I love you. You just worried me! You made Sydney cry Carmy! What the fuck- what happened?” She cupped his cheeks, observing his exhausted face.

“Oh you’re sick- you’re so sick- Carmy” she felt his forehead and cheeks with the back of her hand like she did when they were kids. “It was an accident, right, right Bear? You wouldn’t do this?” She said, more pleading him than asking.

“No. No. No sug, no- I- I’d never. I just fucked up! I’m fine. I’m fine. C’mere” he hugs her close, kissing her head gently. “Stress isn’t good for the baby bear” he joked, hoping it would get her to lighten up.

“Carmy stop” she pushed away, looking at him seriously. “No. No. This isn’t okay- nothing - nothing about this is okay, bear! You almost died! Syd said- “ she shook her head. “Carmy. I- we can’t do this. We can’t. You’re right.” She sniffled, sitting back in the chair next to his hospital bed and wiping her tears.

“What- what do you mean?” He sat up a bit.

“I- if you….i can’t watch you like this anymore, Carmy. I can’t- I can’t see you wither away. Fucking emotionally anymore. It’s killing me. It’s hurting-“ she took a shaking breath.

“It’s hurting your niece. Carmen. I can’t do it anymore. here.” She dug around her purse, pulling out a brochure.

“Go- go. Get out of fucking Chicago, Carm. This place- I-i heard of it” she sniffled “its stupid-“ she laughed a bit, shaking her head. “So stupid, fuckin this..this Astrologer. She said in her podcast that this is the best place to go based on the location? I dunno…it’s a therapy place” she said.

Carmen looked at the Brochure, his brows raising.

‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ the front contained photos of absolutely breathtaking pine trees, mountains, as well as red cabins.

‘Blue Lotus is tucked safely away on Big Bear Lake in Big Bear, CA. Come and experience an inpatient by day, outpatient by night 30 day program, along with 15 days of sole inpatient TF-CBT therapy, focused on your direct needs as a patient. We specialize here at Big Bear in Equestrian Therapy, and Cattle Therapy. Enjoy hiking on hundreds of miles of breathtaking trails, and get to know the stunning haven that is Big Bear, California.’

“Horses.” Carmen looks at her, unwavered.

“Yes! They say they like- get us or something? You’ll be back before I give birth. Go. Carmen. Go. Or- or I can’t work there, anymore it-“ she shakes her head, looking down at her swollen belly as hot thick tears stream down her cheeks. “It’s like watching Michael…again. In a different way” she said quietly, wiping her face and looking up at him once again. “Please.” She whispered.

He shook his head, setting the stupid brochure down on the bedside table and laying back in the bed, grabbing the oxygen since his head was beginning to pound again and putting it back over his face, averting her worried gaze.

“I don’t have the energy to call these people” he muttered, closing his eyes and resting his head back, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“I- I already got you a bed. I called them…on the way over- I begged them. And they are willing to take you, Carmy. Please. I’ll pick your cabin and everything - you- you stay in a cabin after the 15 days and then for 30 you go back and forth. It sounds so nice, bear. I know they’re gonna take such good care of you think about it- please- will you go?” she got up, pulling him into a hug.

“Thank you” she whispered after a few moments when he didn’t decline her.

Carmen didn’t reply. If Sugar really thought that stupid place would make him ‘change’ (if that was even possible) and if she really felt as if it was affecting her child that was growing inside of her- he would give it a try. Even though he felt as if it would be just another money pit in the name of ‘mental health’ that didn’t do a thing.

“There’s dead man walkin’!” Richie said, Syd following in behind him.

“Stop! Don’t call him that Richie it was scary!” Syd shoves his shoulder.

Carmen grabbed the brochure, quickly tucking it under the blanket.

“Fuck you, cousin” Carmy said, his voice all nasally and low from his flu or whatever the fuck he’d picked up, that had led him to giving himself a cocktail of meds that almost sent him to Michael prematurely by total mistake.

“Carmen is leaving. As soon as he’s released. So- get your time in he won’t be home for a month or two” Sugar said and sat down, not budging on the issue.

Carm just rolled his eyes, laying his head back and wanting to melt into a puddle on the floor, but at the same time, he also wanted to pull Syd into the stupidly small hospital bed, and hold her to him, never letting her go.

“You are?” Syd asked, coming to his bedside and meeting his gaze.

He just stared at her. Wordlessly, he pulled out the crumpled brochure and offered it to her. She took it, looking at it. Richie comes over as well, peeking over Syd’s shoulder to read.

“Equestrian therapy? Gonna go play with some horsies Carm?” He teased, his smugness being wiped off his face when Syd stomps on his foot with most of her weight, causing him to whine in pain.

“Woops! Maybe you should learn some personal fucking space asshole” she shoved back in to him so he would take a few steps back.

“Ow!” He said dramatically, plopping next to Sugar who was also glaring at him with equal fire.

“Okay- okay- sorry fuckin hell. The kid is fine” he said and Carmen motions to him.

“See! See! Jagoff is right sometimes” he said to Syd and she shook her head.

“This…is good. This is really good. I’m for this.” She said, looking at Sugar before handing the brochure back to him. “I’m… gonna miss you, but…you need to get the fuck out. Like really, out, Carm.” She told him.

He sighed deeply, resting his head back and closing his eyes once more.

Whatever will make Syd happy, he would do, no matter the amount of discomfort it brought him.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“Really?” Sugar asked him and he looked over at her, brows slightly furrowed.

“Want me to fuckin fight you about it?” He snipped, already annoyed with how easy he was giving in- but he was too exhausted to fight, and Syds lavender perfume was so comforting, and so familiar. He just wanted everyone except Syd to leave, and to be able to hold her.

That wasn’t going to happen though, probably ever was what he’d told himself. No, that would be too good, the universe would be much too kind to Carmy as to let him have the ultimate pleasure and enjoyment that would come from being with her in that way.

“No…no. I’m sorry. Thank you, Bear. I know this is gonna be good” Sugar said quietly.

The doctor came in, saving Carmen from the uncomfortable conversation. “Hello again, Mr.Berzatto. I have your results here- is this okay company? If not I can have them step out for a moment” she’d said.

Carmen had already completely forgotten her name, her name to him was simple - not Claire. Which was the only good thing to happen to him today.

“As long as I’m not dying cause these two will pitch a fit. You can go ahead” he said, sitting up slightly in the bed.

“No, no. you are very healthy, well- for the most part. Does your family have a history of high blood pressure?” She asked, sitting in the rolling chair next to the bed and holding her tablet in her lap.

“Dad. Dad did, bear.” Sugar said.

“Oh! Lovely- and did dad also have chronic treatment resistant depression?” The doctor turns to her.

“I- I don’t know but…I know he was depressed for sure.” Sugar replied honestly.

“And I know per your file you’re a smoker, heavy or moderate?” The doctor asked

“Heavy” Syd buts in and Carmen didn’t even have the energy to fight either of the women.

“So heavy is a pack plus a day does that sound average?” The doctor asked Carmy and he nods a bit.

“Sometimes…sometimes two. Depending on uh…how shit is” he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, so we’re gonna need to reduce as much as we possibly can. And we’re also going to speak about treatment options. Have you ever done mental therapy?” She asked Carmen.

“He’s getting help. Don’t worry” Sugar said, “he’s going to do a therapy program. Blue lotus? Heard of it?” She asked.

The doctor nods with a slight smile. “That would be wonderful for you, by the looks of your chart.” She got up.

“Visiting hours are over at 10 pm, he will need to remain here until at least 1 pm tomorrow afternoon- then he’s yours.” She headed towards the door, shutting the privacy curtain behind her before closing the door.

Richie chuckled “hack job name” he muttered, rubbing his face tiredly.

“What was her name?” Sugar looked over at him.

“Doctor Ginseng?” He said, “isn’t that a- a fuckin-“

“A root. A very expensive, luxurious root. It can be put into tea, or soup…the native people of China believe it has properties that make your body better deal with stress” Syd said absentmindedly, staring at the clock while nervously twirling the end of one of her braids.

“She got it” Carm said and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile, just a bit. He absolutely adored the way if Syd wasn’t beating him to the punch when someone asked a random food question- that she was teaching him something.

Even after years in the kitchen, the hundreds of hours watching cooking shows, Sydney still managed to teach him. He was utterly amazed by her every single day.

“That’s a good idea. I- I think we have some. Back at the restaurant. All the stuff here will be shit- I’m gonna make you tea. And soup.” she got up, grabbing her bag. “Don’t fucking die when I’m gone, Kay? Guess you need that reminder now” she told him.

He rolled his eyes slightly “Y’don’t have t’fuckin make me tea Syd. I’m fine.” He said, but something deep inside him yearned for Syd to take care of him. He craved it.

“I’m making the tea, and you’re drinking the tea. Be back soon” she said before heading out.

Sydney had stuffed Carm full of pastina chicken soup and warm ginseng tea with lemon, ginger root, and plenty of local honey. As well as sourdough bread that Marcus had made fresh that morning.

They sat and talked, just the two of them for hours until visiting hours were over. The nurse had to actually warn them both that she’d told them 4 times already it was past visiting hours and she ‘wasn’t afraid to have people removed’ before Sydney finally hugged Carmy goodbye and left.

They both took his leaving for 45 days extremely serious. They’d joked together about just how quickly and casually Sugar had whipped out the information, all put together so neatly - it was quite obvious she’d been waiting for an opportunity to ship Carmen off here.

They laughed a bit, and shared stories, and of course Carm answered any and every question Syd had about running the restaurant on her own while he was going to be away.

Syd had even pulled a chair up to the bed at one point, resting her legs across the mattress after taking her shoes off, and her legs were draped across his own. He didn’t dare say anything, though. He was relishing in the feeling of closeness with her, even if it was as close as they’d ever be.

Syd had actually made him so excited that the nurse had come in when she first came back and Carmy realized they’d be alone, to realize he was perfectly fine- his heart had just settled at a new pace since she was around.

He was feeling worlds better by the time he’d gotten to the airport on Sunday morning. He’d spent the rest of Saturday evening at Sugars after he’d been discharged from the hospital, and had one last close family meal with Syd, Richie, Nat, and Pete, well, Pete was a must - he couldn’t uninvite the man from his own house, unfortunately.

Carmen would be in a hotel in Big Bear, California by nightfall, and by the following morning he’d be starting his 15 day inpatient stint at ‘Blue Lotus Trauma Therapy Rehabilitation Center’ tucked away on a farm, in a dip of Big Bear Lake. How fitting.

The parking lot of the airport was full of tears, not from Carmy- of course, but a very tearful Sugar, who’d conveniently spent the rest of his hospital stay packing him 2 weeks of clothes to cycle through, explaining phones were allowed- but they gave the toiletries, since it was a mental health center after all.

She kept hugging him, kissing his cheeks- as if she was sending him to war and not a fucking treatment center. “Is there…somethin’ I’m missing- am I never coming back er somethin are you selling me to some weird chef collector?” Carmen teased, getting at least a small giggle from her.

“God no. I just… this will work Carmy. It has to work. You’ll get better, okay? It’ll all be fine.” She wiped her face. He nodded a bit.

“It’ll work.” He said, he wasn’t sure if he believed it- but if it got her to stop feeling so sad, he would agree.

“I love you, be safe ok?” She said for the millionth time “and remember look at your phone I sent you-“

“The flight number, Nat. I love you. Thank you again” he kissed her cheek, grabbing his suitcase and opening his texts, clicking his flight number she sent him.

“Gate D11! Thank you Nat. Gotta go now- unless…” he teased.

She smiled a bit, finally. “Get out of Chicago.” She pat his arm gently and got back in the car to a waiting Pete.

The flight was okay, it felt much longer than he was expecting, but his anxiety told him a lot of things- he couldn’t trust minute things such as time and how he understands it anymore. The first thing he noticed upon landing was the stunning green, and the crisp air.

The air felt…cleaner, then Chicago. It was chilly- since fall was quickly approaching. Carmen was suddenly grateful Nat had him put on a hoodie before leaving this afternoon. He had the entire evening to explore, and not be himself.

He already was feeling some kind of new. He wasn’t here to work, definitely not to play, but he could enjoy himself, because he didn’t have to be him. At least not for the night. He opened the Uber app on his phone, booking a trip to the hotel to check in.

When he’d gotten to the hotel and showered, dressing in some vintage Levi’s and a white long sleeve in trade for his short sleeve, along with his favorite plaid jacket. He had to get somewhere to see how people live here, how to be apart here, so he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb at this rehab place.

He’d grabbed his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders and opened Apple Maps on his phone, looking for a park to go sit at and just be. He found a park close by, simply called ‘BearHill Park’ and following the walking directions.

He’d missed his ventures to various parks in New York, but especially in Copenhagen. Copenhagen had the most beautiful sunsets Carmen had ever seen before. He missed it sometimes, not the work, but the life. It felt worlds more simple then his life now, where every relationship, every aspect of his job- was dripping with difficulty to manage it all.

When he got to the park, he’d found an oak tree that looked well over 200 years old, getting situated under it and resting against the trunk, taking out a cigarette and lighting it.

He watched a couple and a baby walking by, carefully though as he’d learned quickly as a child most people don’t take kindly to being looked at for more then a few moments at a time. But Carmen didn’t watch people in an odd way, of course. He was just wanting to observe, see how he should be. And in a place so new, so out of his ordinary all by himself, it was gonna take a lot of observing to get himself readjusted.

He watched as the father pushed the carriage along, the mother holding his hand happily. They were far away so he couldn’t hear what they were speaking about, but it must be funny because their heads were tilted back in laughter multiple points throughout the conversation as they continued on.

He continued on his cigarette, his eyes now finding a younger couple. He sat up a bit, leaning further against the tree to get a better look. From behind, the woman reminded him a lot of Syd, of course it wasn’t- but it was also the way her boyfriend or- husband- Carmen wasn’t emotionally advanced enough to look for a ring, he’d never needed to before.

It was how his arms were covered in tattoos, and his hair was a muss of dirty blonde curls like his. It was how the woman was beautifully tall, with stunning long black braids, and a floral scarf tied around the top of her head. She was much more…boisterous then Syd, but none the less. They looked like them in another world.

So not only, has this other man, found his Syd, the universe was determined to rub Carmen’s nose in it, or that’s how he took it, anyhow.

He scoffed a bit, rolling his eyes and looking the other way. Of course. He thought. Everyone can be happy but me. I’m headed to adult crazy camp! And those two are just, fuckin happy and in love.

The girl laughed loudly, causing Carmen to look back over. “CAMREN!” She squeaked as he tickled her. “Cam! Stop- I-I can’t breathe!! You asshole” she punched his shoulder playfully.

“Do you give up?! Say it!!!” The man countered, continuing the assault on her sides.

“No- NO! This- this is cheating!” She said, interrupted by her own laughs.

“Cheating?! No, I'm getting what’s rightfully mine Scarlett!” He pinned her arms above her head.

Carmen now looked away. He couldn’t help but think of Syd while watching them, and think of everything he was too pussy to pull off. He wished he could take Syd somewhere like this, but who would run the restaurant, and why would she say yes.

He’d finished his cigarette by the time the couple had left and he took out his sketchbook and the pen that lived inside of it. He looked at the recipe on his phone Syd had sent ‘Farro Mafaldine with browned Black Truffle Butter and Chanterelles mushrooms’

He had tried it for her, and he actually told her he wanted another bite to be sure he was ‘getting everything’ when really- it was just so fantastic he couldn’t stop at one single bite.

“Syd that is…wow. Really, really fuckin fire. If it weren’t for the mushroom, we’d need that on the permanent menu. Have you tried others?” He’d asked.

Syd just smiled and nodded, a lot of times she was around Carmen- she thanked god for her darker complexion, considering he made her feel overly hot, all the time. Nearly every time he spoke to her, and she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t always this way. But ever since they opened the restaurant together- things had changed between them. Not for better, not for worse, the energy just… shifted.

Carmen got lost in thought of Syd, and before he could realize what he was doing- he was drawing her. He rested his elbow on his knee, crouched over as he added details to each intricate little braid. It was one of Carmen’s favorite things about Sydney.

No matter how she wore her hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. The braids, he did have to admit, were his favorite. Maybe it was because it was how her hair was when they met, but they interested him. He wanted to sit and watch her doing them. She told him a while back, she did them herself.

Apparently, her mother wasn’t able to teach her- but she had cousins that could. She says it was usually much more expensive to have it done then just do it yourself, that part made sense to him. He was really impressed the first time he told her, she laughed a bit at that.

‘Most of us do our own hair, I mean- unless you got it like that. But otherwise, just like the white girls we have to do it on our own’ Carmen blushed, feeling silly for not realizing.

‘Yeah- yeah I..I get that but. I dunno…I’ve seen Sug do her hair…it seems easier” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

‘Oh, well yeah, that’s why I only do mine every 6 weeks!’ She’d said, wiping down the counter.

‘Really? Well that’s cool. I thought you like…I dunno.’ He chuckled a bit.

‘That I went home, took out 200 plus braids, and then put them all back in before I come in every day?’ She teased.

Now Carmen’s cheeks were bright red. ‘Okay- listen I’m not a girl. I wouldn’t know’

Carmen caught himself smiling at the memory. He looked up at the setting sky, and his heart fluttered a bit at the beauty of it. He’d realized he’d sat there now for probably 5 hours, his back was aching, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care because this was the most at peace he’d felt since moving back to the states. And he was alone. He snapped a photo of the gorgeous sunset with his phone, hitting the send button and hovering over Syds name for a moment, before deciding to click it.

She did tell him to text her when she got settled in after all.

In CA - this place lives up to the name. Never seen so many bear statues in my life.

He sends the text, with the photo attached, not even realizing the photo had been a live capture, and you could fully see the drawing of Syd for half a second if you held the photo down.

He put his phone back in his pocket, continuing on his drawing. Back in Chicago, Syd was very glad that she was working today- because the only thing on her mind otherwise was one single person.

“Okay guys! I need some hands here- we got 3 dishes for table 13 let’s move! Keep up the pace!” She called out. She had already been here 12 hours, and wasn’t planning on being out for another 6.

It was just how Sydney operated - she couldn’t sit and worry about Carmen. It would just unearth emotions she didn’t want to go searching for, and once they came up she was worried it would ruin absolutely everything she’d worked so hard to maintain.

And back across the country, 2,000 miles away, Carmen was contently packing his backpack, getting up, and heading to a small diner he’d seen. He enjoyed a quiet burger to himself, in the corner booth, looking out the window at the water.

The place truly was beautiful, and very hidden away. There were barely any cars here, it was fully the opposite of anywhere he’d stayed long term, and he was beginning to feel as if he needed that, he wouldn’t admit that to sugar, though.

He’d gone back to his hotel, taken a shower, gotten in his pajamas, and was laid in bed, watching some random cooking show on the food network since the TV unfortunately didn’t have YouTube like his did.

When Sydney had seen the photo, she almost didn’t realize it was live at first. She was also at home, finally in bed- but she was 2 hours ahead of Carmen- so instead of it being 11 pm- it was 1 am. She’d scrubbed the restaurant floor until she was sure someone could eat off it, and made sure every station was in perfect condition before returning home.

She laid in bed with sore hands, a sore back, and sore knees, and sore- well, everything. When she finally had checked her phone and seen it. She smiled a bit at the comment about the bear statues, clicking the photo open to see more.

It was a breathtaking sunset for sure. She went to close the photo, her thumb lingering because she saw a speck of white in the corner- and the photo started moving. For just a short moment she sees…. Herself? On the page of Carmen’s sketchbook.

She could feel her heart thumping in her throat. Why would he be drawing her? Unless- no! Keep the emotions buried! He is sick. He is so depressed- treatment resistant depression the doctor had said his chart showed.

She swallowed thickly, not sure what to say back. Should she just ignore it? Should she mention it boldly? Should she just…forget about it and convince herself it didn’t happen?

She typed and retyped the message multiple times, smiling to herself a bit as she jokingly typed out ‘pretty sunset, even prettier drawing.’ Before deleting it and retyping before hitting send;

fire sunset. so I take it big bear is treating the bear well so far?

Carmen looked at the message right away, smiling to himself a bit. She’d never called him bear before, something about it made his heart begin to race.

According to Nat, bear+big bear = depression gone, I’ll let you know in a few days if that's the truth.

He wasn’t sure about the whole equestrian therapy thing still, but he did know that being here seemed to allow him to breathe a little easier- and he was already here, so he would try.

The first 5 days in the inpatient program were…quite the adjustment. That was because it was what he learned was the most intensive part of the treatment, and meant to break down your walls by setting you in a hard routine so you had no choice but to think about your shit.

This included a wake-up time of 6 am, the lights in his inpatient room literally turned on, then at 7:30 was breakfast, then- at 8 am they had 1 hour of either equestrian class, which you learned how to begin caring for the horses, or an hour of tending to the cows - Carmen chose the Horses because he was not going to shovel cow shit.

Then, you had a therapy class of your choice from 9-11:30, he chose art therapy. It didn’t feel like therapy to him, they got to draw, or paint. Carmen just sat by the window, drawing different recipes - or, more often than not, drawing Syd from memory.

12:00 was lunch, 12:30-2:00 you had mandatory either equestrian therapy, or cattle therapy. Carmen was more drawn towards the cattle on hard days, and the horses on easier ones. This was because the hour of 3-4 was mandatory group therapy. That usually emotionally drained him until at least art therapy the following day, since to progress and complete the program- you need ‘participation points’ in your 15 day inpatient stay, before you’re trusted to be on your almost fully on your own for a whole 30 days.

The horses were usually nervous around new people, so it was a challange to get them to trust him. While the cows, people in the group joked- were ‘giant grass puppies’ the therapy consisted of literally just laying with the lazy cows and cuddling them, and feeding them snacks, which they very much enjoyed, and Carmen found to be very soothing once he learned to douse himself in bug spray before heading in the pen so the flys would be out of his way.

Then, dinner was at 5, and afterwards you had the evening to yourself in your room, or you could walk the trails until they closed at sunset. In your room you could watch tv, read, and the residents were also allowed to have their cellphones.

It was quite exhausting the first 5 days, but the second 5 he was getting into a groove at Blue Lotus. He was beginning to enjoy the hard manual work that came with working with the animals, and the time it took to build their trust. There was one particular horse Carmen had become fond of, a white horse named Stardust. Perfect name for her.

When he looked in her eyes she felt more human then most people he met in real life. She was different then the other horses. He’d been told that she rarely took to men, and that he was the only male she’d never need startled by. He always took extra time brushing her mane, and they both seemed to appreciate eachothers silence.

Carmen heard other people in stalls next to him, they would talk to the horses- dump their issues they were too afraid to tell their therapists out on them. He wondered if the horses ever got annoyed, he probably would if he was a horse. He smiled a bit at the thought, and it was almost as if Stardust could tell what he was thinking, because she turned her head and looked at him before snorting almost in agreement and sticking her head back out of the stall.

Getting into outpatient life at lotus though, was as easy as falling into bed for Carmen. His inpatient stay, he made sure to take the time in the evenings to learn his favorite quiet trails, the ones less taken usually, so when he graduated to outpatient - he could take stardust for rides on his own.

It took them about 3 days to get to know each other in that regard, it was mostly Carmen’s fault though he realized, because when he’d get nervous he’d pull on her reigns in such a way that she thought he meant for her to go faster - when it was the opposite. But, Stardust was so, so patient with Carmen.

He made sure to sneak her extra apples with a small drizzle of honey in return, so she knew her patience with him always came with great reward.

Carmen had been gone for about a month now, he and Syd would text intermittently, sugar was sure to call once a week and they’d talk for about an hour. But it was mostly quiet from Carmen’s end, he had told them it was because he was usually out, all day long unless he was at therapy.

It was day 19 of the outpatient part of the program, so he had just 11 days left. He had just finished his morning art therapy, and was in the stables tending to stardust, feeding her slices of pumpkin they’d had in the snack bucket for the horses today. “Come onnn- the tongue, really star” he wipes his wet hand on his jeans and she nudged his shoulder with his nose, asking for more.

“You are greedy! I’m always the first one in here y’gotta leave some for the rest of these guys!” He grabbed another piece of pumpkin, feeding it to her.

“And this is our horse stable, he spends a lot of time out here” Carmen heard one of the employees likely giving someone a tour, only half listening.

Stardust snorts at him, nudging his chest and he rubs her neck gently. “What is it? Y’done? Pumpkin not good enough for ya? No honey apples until after our ride or Y’don’t listen missy” he pats her head gently.

“I didn’t take you for a horse guy but I guess drop anyone off in the middle of nowhere and you’d be surprised. 34 days and you went full fuckin’ cowboy on me- are those boots, Carm? ” An all too familiar voice said from the large open sliding door of the stable He looked at stardust for a moment, he must be dreaming, or ODing again. Maybe he died, and had been dead the entire time. Because there was no way he could believe Sydney Adamu was standing behind him, 2000 miles away from their shared city, in Big Bear, California.

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡ ⋙

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tip-top-cloud-surfer · 2 years ago

Text

The Love Game - Hangman and ?

Pairing: Hangman / Fem! Reader (Glitch) (Unrequited); Hangman / OC (Haley); Fem!Reader (Glitch) / Mystery Dagger

Word Count: 3.5k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ Only

Warnings: Unrequited Love; Angst; Emotional Angst; One-Sided Relationship; ‘He’s in Love with Someone Else’ Trope; Female Reader with a Callsign (Glitch), No Y/N, No Physical Description, Third Person POV; No Physical Description of any OCs

Summary: Glitch has been in love with Hangman for years but he’s getting married to another woman.

Master List

“I’m getting married.”

Glitch froze in her seat, staring at Hangman with wide eyes. When Hangman said that he wanted to take them out for drinks for some special announcement, she assumed that he got a promotion or something like that. Marriage? Hangman was getting married?

Beside Glitch, Coyote was similarly shocked, but he seemed to snap out of his stupor first.

“Congrats, man,” Coyote stated, clapping Hangman on the shoulder. “We’re so happy for you.”

Coyote smiled, though he was shooting worried glances out of the corner of his eye in Glitch’s direction. Why? Because Coyote knew that Glitch may or may not have been slightly—read: heavily—in love with Hangman. When Glitch didn’t speak, Coyote moved to fill the silence again.

“So, how did you propose?”

“I did it on the beach. In front of the sunset. There was a whole bunch of people mingling around and she, of course, said yes, and they all started clapping and everything,” Hangman explained proudly, his usual proud disposition shining through. “And hell, she gave me one hell of a kiss out there.”

“You’re getting married?” Glitch asked Hangman quietly, like she was stuck in the past five minutes.

“Yeah, Glitch, I’m getting married,” Hangman laughed, nudging her with his elbow. Noting the lack of color on Glitch’s face, Hangman leaned over a little bit more towards her with a suddenly serious expression. “You alright?”

“Yeah, I think I just . . . ate too much dairy this morning,” Glitch lied pathetically, trying to compose herself. Shifting in her seat, she turned back to Hangman. “You’ve known her for what? Six months? And for half of that, we were all deployed. Are you really sure that this is a good idea? I mean, has she even met most of your whole family? Have you met most of hers?”

“You’re the one who told me that when you know, you know,” Jake reminded Glitch, taking a casual sip from his beer and missing her wince. “And I feel it in my heart that Haley’s the one for me. I know it’s a little fast, but we can catch up on steps later on down the line.”

“Okay,” Glitch replied softly, nodding along, and forcing a smile. “Then, I’m really happy for you, Jake.”

“I knew you’d come around,” Hangman mused, nudging Glitch in the side. “Hey, why don’t I buy us another round? And actually celebrate?”

Hangman walked off to the bar, leaving Coyote and Glitch by themselves at the table. Glitch reached for her beer that she had barely taken a sip from and slowly tipped it towards her lips. Coyote watched her with concern as she proceeded to chug the beer down to the last drop, never once slowing down. Setting the empty bottle down on the table, Glitch turned to look over at Coyote.

“Don’t feel bad for me, Javy,” she whispered, covering her mouth as a burp forced its way up. “I’m fine.”

“You sure?” Coyote asked, gesturing to her now empty beer.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. It’s not like he was mine to lose in the first place,” Glitch muttered bitterly, dropping her head again.

“Hey, I forgot to ask, but did you guys want to be in the wedding party?” Hangman asked, walking back over with three cold beers. “Coyote, you’re my first pick for best man.”

“I’d be offended if I wasn’t,” Coyote stated with a smirk and nod.

“And, Glitch, Haley was wondering if you’d be one of her bridesmaids,” Hangman offered to Glitch, who had to force a smile even though she felt like she was dying on the inside. “You know, since you’re like the only woman that I’m not related to that has managed to put up with me for so long.”

“I’d be honored,” Glitch replied, forcing another smile. “Thanks, Hangman.”

“Anytime.”

~~~~~

Glitch stayed to the back of the group as they walked around the wedding shop. Haley, Hangman’s fiancée, and two of her friends invited Glitch along to help them pick out wedding invitations and the other small details that Jake said he didn’t need to be consulted on. He even said that with Glitch there, his opinion was represented well enough be.

Glitch walked around the store, staying close enough to Haley and her friends to hear their conversation, but far enough away that she wasn’t concerned with how loud her thoughts were. A salesperson approached Haley and started asking all kinds of questions about the wedding, Jake, and everything else in between.

Glitch stopped in front of a simple invitation and picked it up. Running her finger down the thick paper and smiling to herself at the simple joke on the card that she knew Jake would love, Glitch flipped it over to read the back of the invitation.

“Do you like that one, Glitch?” Haley asked, walking over to where Glitch was standing.

“Oh, yeah, I guess.” Handing it over to Haley, Glitch fiddled nervously with her purse. “I saw the joke and thought that Jake would find it hilarious.”

“Really?” Haley questioned, not sounding at all rude, just surprised. A little more surprised than the woman who was marrying Jake in a few short months should have been, but it wasn’t Glitch’s place to notice that. “I really do like the font though. And this little part here, that’s so cute.”

“We have ribbon that matches the color scheme that you were considering,” the salesperson spoke up, walking over to them.

“Perfect! Thank you! I’ll take a hundred fifty, please,” Haley stated, handing the invitation over to the salesperson. “And thanks for the find, Glitch.”

“Of course,” Glitch breathed out, trying to keep her voice level. “Anytime.”

~~~~~

They went to pick out flowers next and Glitch tried to just stay out of the way. She didn’t want to overstep and start telling Haley what she knew that Jake would like. She was just here for additional support, and so, she would just trail behind Haley and her friends.

“Ooh, what if I added some of these to the bouquets?” Haley suggested, picking up some baby’s breath. “That would complete them perfectly!”

“That looks amazing, Haley,” one of her friends added, nodding along supportively.

“Um,” Glitch spoke up softly, causing Haley and her friends to turn around. “They look beautiful, Haley, they really do. But . . . Jake’s allergic to baby’s breath. They make him sneeze like crazy.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right,” Haley gasped, dropping the baby’s breath back into the container that she plucked it from. “Good catch, Glitch!”

“Of course,” Glitch replied quietly, folding her hands in front of her. “I think that they look beautiful with the other flowers that you picked out.”

“Yeah, let’s not overcomplicate it,” one of Haley’s friends agreed, inspecting the bouquet that they already put together.

“Great! Let’s get them ordered and grab a drink!” Haley suggested peppily, grabbing the bouquet.

Silently trailing behind Haley and her friends, Glitch studied the flowers in the pots lining the store. Stopping in front of a collection of daisies, Glitch remembered the stories that Jake would tell her about how his dad always brought his mom daisies and how the flowers were always found around the Seresin house on special occasions.

Glitch gently suggested them, but Haley and her friends went in a different direction. And that was fine. It was Haley’s wedding and Jake didn’t show up to tell her about the daisies, so Glitch would leave it be. Squatting down at bit, Glitch inspected the delicate petals of one of the daisies.

She always thought that the daises would look beautiful as part of a flower crown. Perhaps as a headpiece for a bride. Something simple and natural, but yet so beautiful and delicate that would compliment the white of her veil and dress.

“Glitch, you coming?” Haley called, breaking Glitch out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, sorry. I’ll be right there,” Glitch apologized, straightening up. And with one last glance back at the daisies, Glitch followed after Haley and her friends.

~~~~~

“Are you sure that you’re going to be alright?” Phoenix asked Glitch worriedly.

It was the rehearsal dinner before Hangman and Haley’s wedding and Phoenix and Glitch had taken up residence at the bar in the restaurant, away from the mess in the other room. No one had come looking for them yet and Glitch wasn’t going to move until someone did.

“I’m fine, Nix,” Glitch sighed, reaching for her drink. “I . . . I just . . . there’s a reason why grown adults shouldn’t get caught up in fairytales. Life isn’t a romcom.”

“Still, you’re allowed to be a little upset about it,” Phoenix stated, tapping her fingers on the bar top. “Hell, without you, there were a lot times that Hangman would have definitely fallen apart. And you’re one of about three people that he actually listens to.”

“I know,” Glitch replied softly, sipping at her drink. “Doesn’t change anything, though.”

“There you guys are,” Rooster huffed, walking over to them. “You left me to fend for myself!”

“You’re a big boy. You can handle yourself,” Phoenix mused, shaking her head at Rooster. “What? Can’t fend off two bridesmaids?”

“Not with their claws,” Rooster muttered, mocking the long nails that some of the bridesmaids got for the occasion. Shaking his head, Rooster’s expression softened as he turned to Glitch. “How’re you holding up?”

“I’m fine, okay? Would everyone stop asking me how I’m doing? The answer is fine,” Glitch groaned, dropping her head for a moment.

“Look, Hangman’s just blind,” Rooster stated, flagging down the bartender to order a beer. Turning back to Glitch, he leaned on the bar with a suggestive smirk. “But if you really want to get back at him, just call me. We can make out in the middle of the dance floor.”

“Oh, Rooster, you know just the right thing to say to make a girl feel better,” Glitch cooed sarcastically, patting him on the cheek. “But I’m all set.”

“Well, if I’m not to your taste, I’m sure that we can find someone else at this wedding who is,” Rooster stated, raising his eyebrows.

“I’m fine, Rooster. Don’t worry about me,” Glitch insisted, leaning back. “He’s getting married. That’s it. There’s nothing else to say or do about it.”

“Except move on,” Phoenix pointed out, earning a nod from Rooster.

“Yeah,” Glitch murmured, lost in her thoughts. “It’s time to move on.”

~~~~~

“I pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!” the officiant proclaimed loudly.

Standing at the end of the line of bridesmaids, Glitch clapped along with the crowd as Hangman and Haley shared their first kiss as a married couple. Letting out a breath, she let the tension leave her body as she watched Jake and Haley walk down the aisle hand in hand.

The rest of the guests, including most of the Daggers save for Coyote and Glitch, moved onto the reception hall for cocktail hour while the wedding party headed for the outdoor set up for photos. Glitch smiled and posed for all of the photos that she was included in, itching to leave.

It wasn’t so much that she couldn’t emotionally stand to see Jake and Haley kissing and hugging and frolicking in that newly wed bliss. But more that she was itching to step forward. To step away from it. She didn’t really belong there with Haley’s friends. And that was fine. She didn’t need to. She was there to support Jake and she did it.

Now, she wanted to move on.

“Are you okay?” Coyote whispered to Glitch as they shuffled around for another photo.

“I’m fine. Just ready to go,” Glitch replied, tugging on the fabric of her dress as it stuck to her sweaty skin. “It’s hot as hell out here.”

After a few more snaps, the extended wedding party was released. Everyone got in a file and congratulated the couple before heading off to their cars. Glitch pulled up the end of the line and moved to greet Haley, but the bride beat her to it.

“Thank you so much for being apart of this!” Haley told Glitch, pulling her in for a tight hug. “I couldn’t have done it without all your help!”

“Anytime,” Glitch assured Haley, hugging her back briefly. “Congratulations.”

Haley released Glitch and moved to talk to one of her friends, letting Glitch move onto Jake, who shot her that same look that used to make her heart flutter out of her chest. And Glitch would have been lying to herself if she said that he still didn’t have some kind of effect on her. But she didn’t want to be that mopey, whiny girl who didn’t get the dream guy.

She wanted to leave with her head held high, friendship intact, and peace in her heart.

“Congrats, Jake,” she breathed out before he moved forward and pulled her up into a tight hug. Laughing as he lifted her off the ground briefly, Glitch hugged him back. “I’m happy for you.”

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” Jake replied, setting her back on the ground. “Really, Glitch.”

“I know,” she returned confidently, causing Jake to chuckle. “You take good care of her, Jake.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he promised, giving you a mock salute.

“Good,” Glitch responded, taking a deep breath. “I’ll see you at the reception then?”

“I’ll be there,” Jake promised with a nod before they parted ways.

Turning for the parking lot, Glitch let out the breath that she had been holding in for what felt like the whole day. It was over. Hangman was married to Haley. And that was it. It was time to move on. To move forward. With a smile creeping up her lips, Glitch strode down the hill with far less weight on her shoulders than were there when she arrived.

Glitch walked into the reception hall and made a beeline towards the bar, where the Dagger Squad were gathered. They quickly turned around and greeted her, welcoming her into the fold of support that she knew she would be lost without.

“Hell, I need a drink,” Glitch groaned jokingly, hopping up onto one of the barstools.

“Way ahead of you,” Fanboy stated, sliding her go-to drink across the bar top. “And we saved you some of these too.”

Glitch let out a thankful laugh and slid the small plate that Fanboy offered to her over along with her drink. There were some perks to being there when most of the decisions were made—she got to make sure that the food that she wanted to eat was actually at the wedding. Picking up one of the appetizers from the cocktail hour, Glitch shot Fanboy a smile.

“You’re a lifesaver, Fanboy,” she praised, moving to catch up on the food and drinks she missed.

“How are you doing??” Bob asked softly, sending Glitch a supportive expression.

“I’m doing good. Thanks for asking, Bob,” Glitch returned, reaching for her drink. “I’m just glad that it’s all wrapping up.”

“Well, we’re all here for you if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Glitch replied, nudging Bob with her shoulder. “You’re the best.

“Hey,” Payback reminded Glitch, causing her to turn to him. “This is a wedding. A decently sized wedding. You’re young, beautiful, and most importantly single. Go out and get someone who’ll spend the whole night with you.”

“I’ll try,” Glitch mused, genuinely touched that the whole Dagger Squad was worried about her. “And I think that today really brought me some closure, so I’m ready to have some real fun for the first time in a couple months.”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Coyote cheered, walking over to the Daggers after returning from photo shoot. “Let’s have a drink on Hangman!”

The Dagger Squad, minus Hangman, hung out together for the rest of the night. They mingled with the other guests and danced around while enjoying the open bar. Feeling quite content, and decently buzzed, Glitch giggled at something that Payback said when Hangman approached them.

“Look who decided to finally acknowledge us,” Phoenix quipped, earning a playful look from Hangman.

“Hey, it’s my wedding. You have to be nice to me,” Hangman stated, coming to stop behind Glitch. “How’re you guys enjoying everything?” The Daggers all replied the typical polite responses to Hangman’s question before he turned to Glitch. “Can I talk to you?”

Glitch, sobering up a bit, nodded and set her drink down. The two of them excused themselves and walked through the room and out onto the balcony right outside of the venue. The doors were wide open, so everyone could see them, but it gave them some privacy to actually sit down and talk without fear of being overheard.

“What’s up?” Glitch asked, staring over at Hangman with concern.

“Nothing. Just . . . I wanted to thank you. Personally,” Hangman replied, speaking Glitch’s real name softly. “Really, I . . . I don’t know what I would have done without your help. What Haley would have done without your help with all of this.”

“Of course,” Glitch stated softly, resting her hands on the railing. “I’d do anything to help you out.”

“I know that. And I know that I haven’t always reciprocated it the best,” Hangman replied, causing Glitch to freeze for a moment. A bit of apprehension and tension pooled in her stomach as Hangman left her hanging briefly. “And I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I mean, when Haley told me that you picked out the invitations and stopped her from adding the baby’s breath . . . I never realized how good of a friend that you were to me. And I’m sorry that I didn’t notice it. Really, I am, Glitch.”

“It’s okay,” Glitch returned softly.

“No, it’s really not,” Hangman stated firmly, causing Glitch to sober some more. “I really wasn’t the best friend to you. Not as good of one as I could have been. Hell, I’d have no idea what you would like at your wedding. And I’m really sorry, Glitch. And I want you to know that I’m really going to try and be a better friend to you going forward.”

“Water under the bridge,” Glitch returned, offering Hangman a small smile. “Let’s just move on.”

He returned it and offered his arms out for a hug. Glitch shot him a teasing look but let him pull her into a tight hug. She returned it and rested her head on his chest, soothing herself for a moment. But as soon as she was there, Glitch straightened up again. She wouldn’t let herself start down the rabbit hole. She was ending that. Tonight. Right then and there.

It was time to move on.

“Go. Be with your bride. I’ll be fine,” she told him, gesturing to the reception hall.

“Thanks, Glitch.”

Glitch watched Hangman reenter the reception hall and make his way over to Haley. Letting out a breath, she turned to stare out at the dark landscape. Letting the cool breeze blow back against her for a few moments, Glitch looked down to see a daisy on the ground. It must have fallen off of Jake, who had been carrying around a few earlier.

Leaning down, Glitch picked up the flower and studied it closely for a moment. She leaned back on the railing again and after a deep breath, she let it go. The flower blew a bit in the breeze before dropping into the darkness below. Gone.

“You alright?” a familiar voice called from behind Glitch, causing her to turn around.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Glitch assured them, straightening up with a small smile. “You didn’t have to come and check up on me, you know.”

“I know,” they returned, returning her smile. “What did Hangman want?”

“He just wanted to thank me for all my help over the years and . . . he apologized for not always being the best friend back. And we’re good. I’m good,” Glitch assured them, standing with more confidence and self-assurance than they had seen her in some time.

“I’m glad,” they returned kindly.

Glitch was about to say something else when she heard the new song echo from the speakers. Instantly perking up, Glitch let out a laugh.

“God, I love this song!”

“I know. Who do you think asked the DJ to play it?” they asked softly, causing Glitch to turn to them with wide eyes.

Unable to fight her smile, Glitch glanced down at the wooden deck before turning back to them. With a sparkle in her that hadn’t been there for some time, she held out a hand to them and tried to hold onto her composure.

“Well, aren’t you going to come dance with me?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I thought you’d never ask,” they replied happily, taking her outstretched hand.

A.N. Who do you think that the Mystery Dagger is??? I wrote it with one in mind but decided to leave it open ended, so I’m curious who y’all interpret as the Mystery Dagger

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rav-rabies-art-blog · 30 days ago

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Wip Friday

I just wanted to share how some things are coming along

That Zanzo/OC pic with Kale and Roxanne is coming along.

below is a Zanzo/Kale fic I'm working on which is still in rough shape but I'm happy with how it is coming along. (Zanzo is very oblivious in this one and Kale is a bit of a creep.)

Zanzo grumbled as he rode the elevator up. He was getting real tired of the pranks. Today, EVERY SINGLE PEN went missing in R&D.

Every single one… who has that much time to be that petty. He thought, Probably Roquf- no. He probably couldn't stomach taking that much time not making money.

He had spent a good chunk of the day looking for them. he didn't necessarily need them, but it was the idea of it. The 'why' of it just pissed him off. He had finally found them on a high ledge. All shoved up there, save the ones that had somehow been knocked over.

Zanzo sighed and pressed is back against the elevator's glass wall. Feeling frigidity, he tugged on the collar of the sleeveless t-shirt he changed into after clocking out. His was stewing in simmering annoyance but it was the start of the weekend. Pulling out his phone, he connected it to his head set and opened the Vandelay music app.

Skimming through his play lists he tried to decide if this weekend called for something loud and thumping or a mellower lo-fi sound. Then the elevator stopped earlier than normal.

Zanzo looked up and saw Kale. His boss looked at him wide eyed. Well probably looking at the less-than-tasteful art for the thrash metal band on his shirt. Kale got in saying something to Zanzo. He couldn't hear Kale clearly and pointed at his phone before disconnecting it.

"Sorry I couldn't hear you." He said.

Kale shrugged. "Just small talk." He said.

The two stayed silent as the elevator reached the ground level. Zanzo noticed Kale's eye dart to him every few seconds, but thought better than commenting. The two stepped out and Kale turn to Zanzo.

"By the way are you… Taller?" He asked.

In fact, Zanzo was looking further down than normal at Kale.

"Oh!" Zanzo exclaimed and placed his hand on his head. "I had to reach something up high, a lot of somethings. I-it was just easier to raise the heel than try to - I forgot to lower my heels after. Give me a second."

"Wait." Kale shouted then cleared his throat. "I mean don't worry about it." he said. He wasn't looking away from Zanzo's legs and hips.

Zanzo's eyes narrowed. "Okay." Zanzo said not hiding the suspicion in his voice.

"What do you have planned for the weekend?" Kale inquired.

"N-nothing?" Zanzo asked not sure what game Kale was playing with him.

"Ah." Kale said. "If you're interested, I would like some company for dinner."

Now Zanzo was very on guard, but he didn't see an easy out. "Sure." Zanzo said with the enthusiasm of a man being led to the firing squad.

Honestly that could very well be they way he fires him.

"Six then, the… casual dress is fine." Kale said before turning away from him.

"Oh boy." Zanzo sighed.

Kale lived in a very nice part of town, because of course he did. He lived in one of the expensive, snootiest buildings there, because of course he did. He lived in the penthouse of that building, because of course he did.

The lobby was decorated in art deco style which had a resurgence lately. Some of the pieces where clearly vintage. The nicotine yellowed opaque glass signs were clearly among these. The polished-to-mirror-shine black and white tile floor and wooden furniture, on the other hand, were new.

As soon as he entered, Zanzo was flanked by two staff members within arms reach of him. They didn't even bother to hide what they were doing. He took advantage of his longer gait and out paced them to the welcome desk. Its attendant looked him up and down.

The other guest were openly gawking at him as well.

Zanzo sighed and said "Mr. Kale Vandelay is expecting me."

The clerk didn't even hold back his scoff.

Zanzo ignored this as said, "Just call him and let know Zanzo's here," and walked away.

The man called up a hush voice so Zanzo couldn't hear him half way to the elevator. Zanzo did hear the the clerk's sputtered apologies. That put a pep in his step as he got in the elevator.

The elevator attendant was a scraggly teen with acne. He seemed to find Zanzo fascinating to look at. "What floor, sir."

"Penthouse," Zanzo snapped. He was normally happy to be the center of attention. Right now though, he felt like a zoo attraction.

"A-re you in a band?"

Zanzo inhaled and said, "No, I'm a engineer. I build robots," in one, very tired, well practiced, exhale.

He could have grown an extra head right then and the little twerp would probably look less surprised.

The elevator finally jerked to a halt. Zanzo stepped out with out a glance to the attendant. After the elevator shut, Zanzo was alone in a, he guessed, waiting room in front of the door to the penthouse. The walls were decorated with dark wooden panels cut into large squares arranged like tiles. everything pressed inward like a boujee padded cell. Zanzo pulled his shoulders up and hunched over, despite having plenty of space.

Before he could knock on the door, Kale opened it. He had taken off his jacket and vest. The top two buttons undone on his stiff, white shirt revealing some of his robotic body just above a loosened tie.

It wasn't his beloved black combat body but his more casual body whose matte materials was painstakingly matched to his natural skin tone, save for a few red and black accent points as well as the vibrant blue power core.

"Zanzo, you're coming in right?" Kale said dripping on his usual faux charm save only a razor's hint of annoyance.

Zanzo stepped in, noting Kale's eyes tracing his employee's legs again. Maybe it was Kale's more relaxed appearance but Zanzo felt less weary of his gaze. In fact, from the moment he stepped in Kale's whole demeanor softened quite a bit.

Zanzo figured he wasn't getting the boot after all. Maybe he'd get a promotion?

"Thank you for having me." Zanzo said feeling like he could breath again. The penthouse had a open floor plan first floor. Zanzo's . most of the first floor had glass walls. Zanzo's shoulders relaxed as he took in all the glittering shining lights from the city bellow.

"Nice view right."

#hi fi rush #hi fi rush zanzo #kale vandelay #hfr zanzo #kale hi fi rush #my wips

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cloveroctobers · 7 days ago

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PG[3]: Admit it — D.T.

A/N: Oop! Look at me not waiting month(s) to continue this. Idk how long this is going to go on tbh but I can’t lie and say that I’m not having a little fun 💘

WARNINGS: a lengthy one? Longer than the previous I’m sure, some language probably, plot being used for D.C. Reid since he’s missing in the actual show now lol but they’re probably saving him towards the finale or something + continuing the usage of characters from another show, “the night agent,” + a few more OC’s mentioned for the plot! & a bit of a love triangle? Which team are you on? You might want to circle back to this once you finish 😬

<- flip back to page two here.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙

“So you’re back in the chi?” Manny confirms as Seraphina tries not to burn her tongue on her hot morning beverage.

She’s in the kitchen, phone propped up against a strangely decorated blender that’s on the counter, as she’s chatting with her man-friend on FaceTime.

Flicking her framed lightened hair back from falling into her eyes she nods, placing the mug back onto the counter, “Yup, just got in last night.”

“You know how long you’re gonna be back there?” Manny questions as he appears to be unlocking the door to his office, “I ask this because I don’t want the atmosphere to bring you back to a dark place. Yet I do think it’s good that you’ve got some work flow goin’ since you like to keep busy you know?”

Seraphina offers a small smile at Manny taking knowledge of that. If she didn’t keep busy, then that gave her mind the power to overthink and that was never a good thing. It was rare for her to wear her emotions on her sleeve but when she did, it had the potential to be the biggest crash out and she never felt like there was time to do that. She was always set on mode: keep pushing!

“I…” she inhales, “Can’t really say. It’s still kind of developing and I only know bits and pieces. I just made sure everything was okay in KC before I left: there’s two nurses that’ll be assisting for a little, giving my mom some time to herself outside of the house, and even mom and dad’s friends are starting to come over so I think it’ll be okay for now.”

Manny plops down in his chair and shakes his head, “Hey, what did we talk about? Say it like you believe it, manifest it: Things will be okay even if feels like its just for today.”

Dante’s leaning against the wall in the hallway, arms crossed over the other as he listens in on Seraphina’s conversation. It’s not like he purposely did, he woke up a little late, and she probably didn’t hear him go up the steps since she was in such a deep conversation with: Mr. Walks as if the sun glows out of his ass this morning.

“I can be out there in a couple of days after this district budget meeting we’re having…if you need me?” Manny’s voice is always the right amount of warmth that makes Seraphina’s body tingle, “We are due for some quality time—maybe on a date night vibe.”

A genuine smile creeps onto Seraphina’s face at that, although there is a slight ping in her gut, her interest is still shown, “Is that so?”

“Oh most definitely. I like to wine, dine, show off what’s mine and tell the world you’re so fine my girl.” Manny has no problem flirting, no matter how early it is, just to keep the short haired woman smiling and honestly that’s all he can ask for.

She playfully rolls her eyes, “Did I ever mention that you would be a horrible poet?”

“Don’t doubt me, baby. I got tricks up my sleeve that you haven’t even seen yet.” Manny winks making Seraphina ready to tease him and ask him what poets he knows of besides Shakespeare.

That goes on for a while that she shifts positions, resting her back against the counter and holding the phone up to her face as they go back and forth.

Seraphina laughs, “Oh, That one sounds made up!”

Manny frowns but there’s a smirk on the corner of his lips, “Alright, don’t take my word for it but you and I both know you’re gonna go googling right after this call.”

She sucks her teeth and he laughs because they both know he’s right.

From her peripheral she spots a shadow in the living room to her right, heart rate spiking just a bit, making her forget that there was a possibility that someone else was still in the home that did not belong to her.

And not just anyone.

Dante is dressed for his work day, his usual white shirt and jeans, moving quickly around the living room as he picks up the folded comforter and pillow stacked on top that’s resting on the couch to stuff back into the hallway closet. Seraphina was more than willing to take the couch but part of her knew she shouldn’t have said it because the look she received from Momma Catalina (who also kindly waited up for Seraphina to get here) was as if she assaulted the woman.

“Mija, you must be so exhausted from your trip that you let these delusions say these things.” The woman cooed, doing a swirling motion with her finger by the side of her head, before she cupped Seraphina’s face into her hands then engulfed her into her arms.

Dante was silent as he took her things from her grasp, no questions asked and moved to head upstairs to his room to place her bags. As Seraphina held onto the woman who became quite the mother figure, her eyes couldn’t help but to linger on the buzzed haired man who disappeared from her sight.

“Hey so, I’m gonna let you go since you made it into work safely and all that.”

Manny beams, “Thanks for your concern baby but I wouldn’t mind having this face on my line all day just to be honest.”

It’s Dante’s turn to roll his eyes as he used the wall for balance while he shoved his feet into his sneakers.

“You and I both know you wouldn’t be able to focus if you kept me with you while you’re clocked in.”

Manny scoffs, “You’re not wrong…but it was worth a shot!”

Seraphina sends him a sweet smile despite what escapes her lips, “Ain’t nothing wrong with shooting either.”

“Oh…do I need to put my EarPods in?” Manny lowers his voice, “I didn’t know this was turning into that type of call.”

Seraphina faux gasps, “Manuel Castillo! I can’t believe my ears, are you fraternizing on the job?”

“Maybe.” The bearded man winks just as there’s some knocks on his door and he tells them to hold on, “Looks like duty calls.”

“What will I ever do now that I’m sending you off to war?” Seraphina playfully pouts and then mockingly gags leaving Manny to nod his head in amusement, expecting that faux disgust to follow at the attempts of affection, “Have a good day, babe.”

Manny kisses two fingers at her, “You have a better one, beautiful. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Later and not a minute after.”

The calls ends and the usual buzz Seraphina feels is short lived as Dante finally makes his way into the kitchen. She turns to grab the mug, just as Dante goes through the cabinet for a mug of his own, then glanced at the clock on the wall behind them before putting it back, he takes a abrupt seat in a chair at the dining table, ready to get something off his chest.

“Morning.” He starts.

Seraphina swallows as she turns back to meet his spring hues, “Good morning. Momma C made some Chocolate Chip Banana Oatmeal Bars that you can take on the go if you want?”

Dante feels his stomach gargle at the mention of the snack and it’s not the good kind. He clears his throat, trying to push the knot back down, “I’m good thanks. Indulged in a little too much of that last night being first row to the kitchen and all. Just gonna grab something on my way in or take some coffee at the precinct.”

Seraphina dips her head, “Suit yourself but don’t go starving yourself during those lengthy shifts like you sometimes do.”

Dante shifts in the chair, resting his elbow on the table, “…Are we good, Nina?”

He blurts out and he immediately spots the tension in her neck and shoulders.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” She folds one arm over her ribcage and under her opposite elbow.

Dante blinks, “Because of what happened back in Kansas City? There’s been tension since and now that you’re actually here—

“That was two weeks ago.” Seraphina interrupts, “We’re fine. There’s nothing wrong. We don’t need to talk about it.”

Dante goes quiet, quickly taking up her defense, “Why not? Because you’re in a relationship that you’ll never be fully loyal to?”

He struck a nerve, that much he can tell. He wished he would have taken a different approach but once things were already said, they often remain.

“What is there to even talk about? It wasn’t anything groundbreaking or something that hasn’t happened before.” Seraphina snaps back, “It happened and it shouldn’t have so let it go.”

Dante frowns and rubs at his jaw in agitation, “So you think it’s fair to just ignore it?”

Seraphina snickers, “Is anything fair lately? The earth still spins!”

“I just…can’t stop thinking about the what if’s.” He seems a little zoned out before meeting her eyes, “You stopped us from taking things further because you touched my burn mark. It wasn’t Manny on your mind.”

Seraphina tightens her stare at her old friend in the room with her. She made the choice of being vulnerable along with Dante then and allowed herself to sink back into him, who she thought she could be strong enough against to not fall back into that type of pattern. The upsetting thing is Dante was right. If her fingers didn’t brush against the scorched skin that altered the tat on the nape of his neck…it could have went further.

She likes to think that he would have backed off out of respect of her blooming relationship with Manny or even the fact that she was on her lady friend…however those things wouldn’t have mattered. Seraphina didn’t want to point the finger so she wouldn’t. It takes two and she was part of the two that cheated on someone who didn’t deserve it.

Someone who would love her the way she wanted.

“Yeah you would think that wouldn’t you?” Seraphina hisses, turning to put the mug back and grip the counter behind her instead; since her hold was tight enough to break the mug, “It would make you feel so much better that every thing I do would only be for you.”

Dante exhaled but his tone is somewhat gentle at the start, “That’s not what I’m saying. It’s more than okay that we didn’t take it there, I followed your lead with no problem. You’re just mad that Manny wasn’t even a thought when we kissed, not that I give a shit about his feelings—

“Please,” Seraphina snorts, “You don’t think I noticed you lingering in the hallway, listening in on our conversation, trying to see what’s so special about what we have?”

Dante lifts his shoulders, “What do you have?” He quizzes, “I think he’s just background noise.”

��And I think you’re an asshole.” Seraphina is as cold as the first bite of December in Chicago, while a crooked smile appears on her lips, “You come around when you’re needy, you slept with your now deceased CI that you claimed to be in love with, we shared a kiss, and you’re sitting here trying to tell me about my relationship just like I did with you and Glo—

Seraphina looks away, tightening her hold on the counter even more that the skin tone of her knuckles didn’t look the healthiest, “And you can’t even say you feel guilty about making this harder for me?”

Dante blows out a breath shifting to rest his elbows into his knees, “I…can’t regret something that matters. I’m just full of sin at this point but you’ll always be the one thing I give grace to. I do hate that by us…doing what we did makes things difficult for you, yet you and I both know he’s not who you’re meant to be with.”

Seraphina sticks her tongue into her cheek for a moment finding this all to be so ironic, “It’s just better in your eyes, if I be by myself until I expire then huh? Or am I supposed to sit pretty on the shelf and wait for you to come around? Been there, don’t want to continue doing that. You’re possessive when it comes to me you know that right? You can’t keep me solely for yourself. Manny and I are good, new but good. I can’t do this with you, we crossed boundaries by jumping back into old habits and it’s not right. It might have felt right that night but that cannot happen again because we can never take it back. Manny is my—

Dante stares at her as she blabbers from underneath his eyelashes making her breathing get caught in her throat, “Go on…you can’t even say it to my face can you?”

He scoffs at her hesitation, ready to push away from the table.

Seraphina’s ink eyes are hot on his face, “Oh please dont go acting all high and mighty. You know what we are.”

“Does he?” Dante examines, with a simple blink of his eyes.

Which in other words means, was Seraphina going to come clean and show that she messed up, breaking Manny’s trust? Are they as solid as Seraphina claimed? Dante was prepared for anything, he didn’t owe Manny a thing and he wasn’t sorry about how his actions may affect Mr. Sunshine in the slightest. It’s wrong to admit but he wouldn’t lie, not with this. Dante had the advantage when it came to Gloria, anything Seraphina learned of Gloria was by someone telling her and that one time Gloria pulled up on Seraphina not long before she died. She learned about Gloria Perez in pieces and Dante learned just as much as he needed to of Manny Castillo.

If wanted to know it all, he could.

There’s a ringing at the door and a couple of knocks that disrupt their tense stare off.

“What’re you looking at me for?” Seraphina scowls and then points, “This isn’t my house, go get the door.”

Dante laughs in annoyance at her rude remarks but he’s aware that he’s got her thinking as he gets to his feet.

“Looks like I won’t be staying here another night.” She mutters her decision but Dante stops in the hallway, ears perked.

“And where exactly do you think you’re gonna go huh?” He says to her with a deep frown, “You’re renting out your old place, you don’t like Seán’s fiancé and the ladies you occasionally hang out with…are mostly Seán’s friends. As long as me and mi ma are here, this will also be your home and you can always stay, no matter what we’re going through.”

Seraphina looks away just as the doorbell rings again and Dante brings his attention elsewhere leaving her to whisper, “I said I didn’t want to talk about it.”

To stay busy, she dumps the rest of the herbal tea contents into the sink, disregarding the teabag, and is prepared to wash the mug out when she hears Dante calling out her name.

“Nina,” he says while she makes her way into the entryway of the home, “There’s someone here for you.”

She moves towards Dante, eyes settling on the appearance of Peter Sutherland who stands with his shoulders squared inwards as if he’s hiding from prying eyes. The back of his auburn hair looks more red against the sun, his deep-set eyes are taking in her features as well in recognition, and there’s some stubble he’s allowing to grow in that fits his diamond shaped jaw. He appears regular, in a simple gray hoodie and jeans opposed to his fancy getup she’s seen him in a couple of pictures on social media.

“Hi Sera,” he starts and notices her pinching one eye closed at the shortened version of her name and immediately corrects himself, “Sorry, Coty. You still look the same.”

Seraphina shrugs her shoulders, “And you look less pasty, Peter Pan. Where’ve you been?”

His dark eyes flick to Dante who is still standing right beside her but doesn’t let the amusement fall from his tone, “That’s classified but…I’ll just say…a good amount of time in Asia. Mind if we have a private chat for a bit?”

Which sparks another red flag for Dante.

“I don’t let people I don’t know into my house.”

Seraphina plucks his shoulder, while Dante’s pushes his lips out, unapologetically shrugging himself, just before his phone suddenly starts to buzz from his pocket.

“Understood,” Peter nods not taking any offense since he already had intel on Dante, “I won’t take up too much of your time, I promise Coty. In fact we can just chat in the front yard where Dante can keep a good eye on us.”

Seraphina and Dante share a silent conversation with their eyes that Peter almost feels like he needs to clear his throat to break it up. However Dante gives a curt nod towards Peter, almost with a warning before he steps back placing his phone to his ear, “Torres,” he greets, eyes locked on the two until Seraphina closes the door in his face.

“Your boyfriend’s more serious than you.” Peter joshed, keeping his back to the street, hands in his pockets.

Seraphina grits with a deep sigh, “Not my boyfriend.”

“I could have sworn Reid—

“You’ll learn that you need to take Deputy Chief Reid’s words as if it’s cough syrup, my dear.” Seraphina voice oozes sarcasm.

Peter stares off to the side in confusion for a bit and then shrugs, “Noted! I would have reached out sooner but I didn’t want to risk you being compromised if someone has tabs on you already. I’ll get you a burner this evening.”

“If that’s really necessary, I can get my own burner.” Seraphina stated.

Peter knew this stubbornness would come out at some point so he eases his breathing, “Sera—shit I have to remember that’s something triggering for you but I’ll get it right during however long we’re together this time.”

She puffs out a breath, “Yeah, Sera See’s France isn’t exactly a cool nickname.”

Long story short, after the whole panic attack at the academy, some better ranked attendees thought it would be cool to address her as such. It was the most childish bullying thing to experience and it’s not like her pants split or anything as she crouched down letting the panic take over. The top of her underwear somehow was tucked over her shirt instead of under and became noticeable as she got into a new position to stop the panic and they took that opportunity to make things worse. That group also consisted of two women, so yeah she had her unfortunate battles of not finding some true girlfriends in life.

“Right.” Peter speaks his eyes holding care instead of pity, “People are assholes.”

“Absolutely.”

Peter decides to change course for what he came here to do, “Did you have a chance to look at the file?”

“I did.” Seraphina let’s out a long breath, “I still don’t understand how Reid thinks I would have a personal connection to something this big.”

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“Someone who happens to be: Amaia Cartagena—that you used to hang with back in the day—probably around when you were sixteen, their little half sister Camila Cartagena is actually the leader of TSF and the one who ordered the smuggling of the jewels and weapons into Chicago. We just have to find out where in this huge ass city.”

Seraphina was actually shocked to hear this, “Wow. Camila was younger than us by a good four to five years and always so fearful whenever Amaia brought her around…you mean to tell me this is what she’s been up to? How does this involve you though?”

“I don’t trust many and that includes Reid but what little I’ve known of you back in quantico, you hardly beat around the bush so I’m just going to say it, I’m a night agent.”

“A what?”

“Exactly.” He smiles.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

Seraphina made her way back in the Torres household, pacing a little in the entryway at this new found information that was not included in the file but was thankful that Peter shared what he knew. It made sense that Reid would leave this out, that one of the reasons he was dragging Seraphina into this mess is because she used to hang out with The Cartagenas…back when she was up to no good and playing the swiping game.

Deputy Chief Reid was most likely using her, rather than what bullshit he tried to persuade her with back in Kansas City. It didn’t take a rocket scientist or even a chemist to figure that out, everything that Peter just told her verified what she was already thinking.

However it was still a stretch that Reid wanted to throw her into this case but she agreed to meet up with Peter some time this afternoon and hopefully he had more info, so she wasn’t completely thrown to the wolves.

For now?

This was a waiting game.

“Hey, everything good?” Dante peeks out from the kitchen, phone in his hand, after he watched this Peter guy disappear down the street from the window.

Seraphina nods but her response can’t help but to be sarcastic, “Never better.”

“You can talk to me, you know? Whatever it is, whatever that was, i can help.”

Of course he was speculating something! Dante was already aware that Seraphina dreaded Chicago and she wouldn’t leave Kansas City behind without good reason. Especially right now. Dante talked it through with his ma about her staying for however long she needed to and the next thing he knows, there’s this random guy showing up to his house? The puzzles were there and she wasn’t hiding it.

Something was going on.

“I think we did enough talking this morning,” Seraphina argues and then takes a breath at the demoralized look in Dante’s eyes, “Sorry. Stop worrying and get to work, you don’t need to be any later on account of me.”

Dante sighs and steps into the entryway, hands reaching out to the mini bookcase against the wall to grab his keys that sat on top, “…I hope you’ll consider staying and not taking that disagreement as a means to shut me out but if you need space…take it.”

He leans forward, almost as if he’s ready to kiss both of her cheeks in farewell before embracing her but he picks up on her breathing hitching and face turning. Which stung. So he just opted for squeezing above her elbow, before trailing his fingers down to hold her hand. He still finds himself waiting some, for some sort of reaction where her guard isn’t completely up, until her other hand goes to playfully smack his shoulder, “Go before I end up with a phone call from Voight or worse, Trudy.”

Dante lets out a breathy laugh and it matches his eyes, which is a silent agreement that things will be alright between them for now. “Be good.” He tells her with a grin.

“You first.” She jokes, as she watches him leave for the day.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

If anyone thought (Dante) Seraphina was going to choose hanging out at the Torres household on her own for the day then they were greatly mistaken. The home was quiet enough during the day that it made her anxious, it had been maybe an hour or a hour and a half since Dante left and scrolling the internet got boring after a while. The woman thought about watching some tv but realized she couldn’t get any of the streaming services on the screen…all Momma C cared for was the news channel, her telenovelas, and the baking channel. Dante wasn’t much of a tv person in the first place anyway, since most of his time was spent out dealing with crime on a daily, he barely had any interest to get into anything before the tv always ended up watching him, so this should have been expected.

Seraphina made the decision to get ready, throwing on all black attire, sculpting a good portion of her hair back into a half up-do and debated about putting any makeup on besides her go to lip combo. Deciding against anything else but moisturizer and sunscreen, she chose to roam the streets herself, taking in the views of the city she was supposed to love.

Seraphina wasn’t sure how long she’s been walking before she ended up at a local black-owned cafe, tucking herself into the furtherest corner of the brick building on a Dijon yellow velvet couch but she had good scenery of a park across the street. She gets lost at the group of women with strollers or carrying their children, chatting away with each other and it makes her hopeful that her mother is taking care of herself today.

Her phone buzzes from a unknown number which reads: it’s�� meet @ —

With a location dropped, Seraphina knows it’s Peter due to the emoji—she plans to make fun of him for that later—and does quick search of the location to see that it’s a parking garage. She’s always ready to work but takes her time making her exit. She finds herself browsing on the internet again and once she finds what she’s looking for, there’s a smile that appears on her lips before she takes the rest of her iced chai to go.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

“I forgot to say earlier…I’m sorry about Cisco.” Seraphina says as she follows Peter down a set of steps.

He stops at the door, peering down at the handle before saying, “Appreciate it, Coty. I don’t plan to lose anyone else though.”

“Don’t tell me you’re worried about…” she points to herself as she follows him by the row of cars.

Peter’s eyes are scanning the area, a quick pep in his step, “When you hear what I’m about to tell you, you should be too.”

“That’s comforting.”

“Hey, I told you this job isn’t a walk in the park and I’m sure yours isn’t either.” Peter informs and lifts his chin towards a vehicle, “This is me.”

Seraphina stops in her tracks, head tilted to the side followed by a frown, then she takes a long look at Peter’s ride of choice, “I have to be honest…I’m a little disappointed.”

Peter pauses on the driver’s side and scoffs, “I didn’t have time to take a trip to the dealership, alright?”

“Well maybe you should have,” Seraphina laughs, “Madam President has you running the streets like this?”

The president did not know Peter was riding around the Midwest in a 1995 Ford Escort that was the color of Barney and friends.

Peter huffs, “I’ll let Weaver know that you’re less than impressed the next time she decides to pop up on me.”

She hums.

“Right uh, she’s who I report to.” Peter describes, “My first person of contact. I’m sure her and Reid are acquainted otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here.” The man holds eye contact with his temporary academy mate to show he’s being truthful, “Now would you please get in the car so I can tell you what I know? We can’t stay here underneath all these cameras.”

Seraphina didn’t have any reason to not trust Peter. Although it’s been awhile since they’ve been last face to face, he’s been candid about his position in all of this and seemed more willing to guide her than The Deputy Chief.

They’re leaving the parking garage, car putting along while they headed out to the freeway after Peter dropped more paperwork into Seraphina’s lap. She’s going through so many files that she’s sure she would have a paper cut by the end of the night.

“Damn, this girl’s been all over…but why Sierra Leone?” Seraphina wonders as she stares at a black and white picture of Camila.

She also appears just as Seraphina remembers her but there’s a darkness in her eyes compared to the sadness Seraphina was used to seeing.

Peter shrugs, “She fell in love with someone over there that so happens to be Amaia’s baby’s father, Bayo. Bayo started to make trips back to his homeland as soon as he learned that Amaia was pregnant, which makes me believe he started the trading then. It was reported that Amaia wanted no parts of what Bayo had going on and his persuasion to get her to move her and to raise their child there. So Camila went in her place.”

Seraphina shakes her head in disapproval, already filling in the rest of how their relationship began, “That’s trifling. I’m guessing it was a dead end with questioning Amaia?”

“Weaver did the honors of the interrogating but also sent me the account Camila set up for her nephew.” Peter notified while peeking over at Seraphina, “There’s over eight-hundred-thousand dollars for him.”

Seraphina comments, “Taking rich auntie to another level.”

“You can say that again,” Peter laughs some, “Amaia’s used maybe a couple hundred dollars from the account over the last few months for the kid but never on herself. She’s working two jobs and doing okay, not great but okay.”

“You do what you gotta do,” Seraphina remarks remembering Amaia’s strong-will, “Camila sure does. I couldn’t imagine doing that to a sibling.”

Peter tries to joke, “Maybe that’s why we’re only children.”

Seraphina sends him a look, which makes him clear his throat.

“And let me guess? She hasn’t spoken to her?”

“Not since Amaia was ready to kick Camila’s ass in the hospital right after she gave birth. Security got involved and there’s footage of that as well but…Camila always sends small messages, in code to announce when there’s been a new deposit for the kid.” Peter continues to feed the woman info that sat on the passenger side.

Seraphina goes quiet as she continues to flip through more paper, “Wait a minute…Camila and this Bayo guy are married or engaged? She’s got a hefty rock on her finger.”

“I was waiting for you to find that.”

She pauses, “This invoice from this pawn shop was almost a month ago…Camila used to work there under the table…until we stole from there.”

Peter glances at Seraphina before switching lanes, “That the one where you all got caught?”

“Yeah, only Camila and I got off. I told her to run but she must have waited around to see how it all went down. I only got off because of my dad’s status. Why would she sell to this place? She said Amaia was on her head more than ever after that happened, Amaia got house arrest and beatings from their father.” Seraphina frowned, her brain scrambling trying to piece this together, “…We’re going to this pawn shop aren’t we?”

Peter gets off the exit, “Definitely.”

ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

Thankfully Peter still had a nice shiny badge to flash and Seraphina could be just as intimidating if she wanted to. The pawn shop still had the same name and felt the same, reeking of motor oil and cigars and the floors looked as if they could use a long mopping job. It was cluttered and narrow, meant to make it a in and out type of situation but business had to be done.

It wasn’t the same man as when she was a teenager but it was possible that the older man could be related. If she had to guess he had to be decade older than her and Peter, maybe in his forties and had a thick Slavic accent.

He was less than thrilled to be threatened over this situation or having Seraphina take a seat right on the glass, playing with a throwing knife.

“Are you aware that you purchased a blood diamond from someone who is planning to cause mass destruction at any given moment?” Peter pressed the man who was in denial.

He’s sarcastic, “I dunno if you’re from here or not but it’s Chicago, not Vermont.”

Seraphina fights back a snicker, since she’s supposed to be on Peter’s side in this whole good cop bad cop thing, “Hey, you’re a good lookin’ guy that’s probably just trying to take care of his family right?”

Peter gives her the side eye.

“That’s right,” the man grins.

“Just imagine how bad it will look when it comes out that you assisted in this upcoming crime.” Seraphina keeps her tone soft, “Give us what we’re looking for, plus the diamond or we’ll come back with some people that won’t ask and will take it upon themselves to turn this place upside down until they get it. I’m sure you don’t want that do you? That has to be bad for business.”

Peter can’t help the smile that quirks at the corner of his lips at the man who suddenly breaks character.

“She forced my hand, that one!” He splutters turning red as he’s frantic, “Took my money and made me make a fake invoice so it didn’t look suspicious, I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone caught on. I’ll get you the jewel but I don’t know much else about what she’s planning! The guy she came in here with, was a militant and he was armed. Messed with the inside footage but clearly not the outside if it brought you two here.” He moves to head to the back.

Peter quickly waves for Seraphina to get down, while he touches his waistband, showing that he’s armed which gets Seraphina to stay back as Peter stands in the doorway, watching as the man continues talking, shoving boxes out of the way to get to a vault that’s low on the ground.

“I thought they would be back for it by now but it doesn’t mean they won’t be! The guy just said something about getting to city hall. That’s all I know.”

Peter keeps his chin lifted, making sure the man wasn’t up to any funny business as he pulled out a pouch and locked the vault back. He’s on his feet, groaning as he does so before standing before Peter, “Here, take it and go, officer. I need to up my protection now and hope you all know what you’re getting yourselves into.”

Peter holds the pouch up for Seraphina to see, shaking it and taking a peek inside. He lets out a low whistle just as in the distance there’s someone snapping pictures. He tosses it to Seraphina who gets a look at it as well before tucking it into her crossbody bag, turning towards the door as they announce their exit.

A picture of her is taken as well.

The two make their way back to Peter’s car and sit in silence for a bit.

“I almost forgot what it felt like to have a sidekick with me,” Peter laughs with his head resting against the headrest.

Seraphina shrugs, “I wouldn’t get used to it. You and I always loved handling things on our own.”

He sighs, “That’s true but we don’t have a choice in this one.”

“Yeah, maybe we’ll be the dream team.” Seraphina gives a grin, using her fingertips to pull up the corner’s of her mouth mockingly.

Peter snorts, “Should we give all of our thanks to Weaver and D.C. Reid?”

“Even if it was that problematic holiday thanksgiving and I was lit on fire, they wouldn’t make the list. Although I don’t know Weaver, I can sense you’re not a fan.” She lets her fingers drop.

Peter still laughs, “Brutal but I agree.”

Seraphina lets out an exhale, “So…city hall? What’s the connection there? The pawn shop makes some sense but I’m at a loss on city hall.”

“Don’t know but I’m sure it’ll come to light sooner than we expect.” Peter yawns, “For now we do our own research and regroup later?”

“But we’re just getting started?”

She was surprised to see Peter calling it quits for the day.

“Time got the best of me and I have something else that I need to handle,” Peter braces himself as he continues, “…So the deputy chief requested I get you to the hotel you’ll be staying at and I got the burner phone.”

“Of course!”

“Hey, I didn’t make the demands.”

“You did with the burner phone.” Seraphina points out.

Peter holds out the phone to the woman, “Don’t make it a big deal.”

“The next thing I know you’re gonna get me to train on how to use guns again.” Seraphina flips the phone open with sass.

Peter goes quiet at that, making Seraphina widened her eyes while she slowly lifts her head to peek at him, “Oh hell no, Sutherland!”

“Again, it was a suggestion. I already expressed to Weaver—

“Well now she’s on my shit list too! She doesn’t know me, she can’t force you to teach me anything!”

“I mean…it is important considering what we’re dealing with and there will be times when we’re not together 24/7.”

Seraphina has a bitter taste in her mouth, “I’m surprised Deputy Chief isn’t holding me hostage at this point.”

“Oh he’s thought about it,” Peter muttered making Seraphina side eye him now, “Since I had more time around you than he has I suggested that your boy—not your boyfriend,” he corrects, “should know about this and step in but to my surprise Reid wants to keep this on the down low for now. It makes the most sense to have an officer that you’re comfortable with have your back when I can’t be around.”

Seraphina can feel the stress appearing in between her brows, “I’m…irritated.”

“I can see that.” Peter answers, “Hopefully you won’t be dragged into this for much longer. Now is where you lay low and just be a chemist.”

“You mean a unemployed chemist?”

Peter starts the engine, “Think of it as possible paid training again and when we solve the case…”

“What? Things go back to normal?”

“What’s that?” Peter feels a smile twitching onto his lips, attempting to ease the tension, “…so…hotel?”

“I don’t have any of my things?”

“I’m sure weaver took care of that.”

Seraphina squeezed at the back of her neck and rolls her head around, “This spy shit is suddenly making me nauseous.”

“Yeah…you’ll get used to it.”

Seraphina looks out into the city for not even a minute before her regular phone goes off with a reminder: *self-care in 30 mins!*

“Actually…before you drop me off at the hotel…can you take me somewhere else first?” Seraphina puts on her best puppy-dog glance, although she’s very aware that she could jump out of the car if Peter denied her this.

ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

Being at complete ease all the time must be nice but at least for tonight, it was pretty close. It’s late in the evening by the time she’s settled into the hotel, she’s feeling nice after her Swedish massage and facial, thankful for the ladies that took great care of her there. She was fine splurging if it meant making herself feel alright through the constant smoke. After all she was taking her therapist’s advice in making sure that she tended to herself on this break.

Dr. Tamsin also didn’t need to know it all but a summarized version of Seraphina choosing to take a trip back to Chicago was good enough. Sure she was worried about leaving her parents behind while she was being thrown back into a lifestyle she stepped away from but through the advice of Dr. Tamsin, she still needed to find time for herself.

Seraphina also had the pleasure of meeting Weaver for the first time, who picked her up from her appointment—in a much better ride than Peter’s—a shiny Escalade (and took her things from the Torres household, having them placed in her hotel room. When asked how Weaver managed to get into the home while both occupants were at work, the smile and stare told Seraphina all that she needed to know of the agent.), making sure she got back to the hotel safely. Weaver did ask for the diamond but it felt right to lie and say that Peter had it. The two planned to go (break in) to a lab to test the diamond tomorrow and see if it contained the same materials that were being used for bullets.

Oh yeah that was another thing in the file, somehow TSF was using bullets that didn’t just contribute to many wars in Sierra Leone but the bullets also contained toxic elements that caused: rashes, seizures, and hemorrhaging in the brain no matter where the bullet was aimed first. Seraphina’s worked with ballistics plenty of times before as a extra set of eyes but she had a feeling that the bullets was something Bayo had his hands in since she read his background, he was no dummy either.

That was tomorrow’s agenda and she let that flow to the back of her mind as she belted out her heart to Danity Kane’s, “Damage,” with the remote as a microphone, sporting her night clothes, and bonnet on.

Let’s just say, the woman was having a whole concert in her room and having a blast.

Nothing was going to ruin this night.

Eventually she has to pause the music, head snapping up after doing a death drop on the bed at the sound of knocking on the door. A spike of panic hits her chest, wondering who that can be since no one else knew she was here.

Seraphina’s quick to grab her phone, ready to send her location to Kevin but hears a familiar voice.

“Open up Phina-Mena, don’t stop the party now that I’m here!” He says from behind the door.

Her eyes go wide as she scrambles to get off the bed, tripping over her feet but manages to stand upright and breathe before making her way over to the door. Standing on her tippy toes a little, she peers through the peephole to see that it was in fact her boyfriend, Manny grinning up at her in the view of a fish eye.

Unlocking the door, she pulls it open just to be met with a boquet of flowers and a wide smile, “Hey, baby.”

Her arms go around his shoulders, crushing him to her that he almost stumbles himself. Manny laughs, keeping the flowers out of the way just before Seraphina is squeezing the life out of him. “I’m liking this warm welcome!”

She cups his jaw, staring into his eyes, “Hi, I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He softly caressed her lower back, before reaching up to pull the band from the bonnet back which was blocking her view.

They both mirror a smile before Seraphina leans forward with a peck, then another, before Manny grips her back again to hold her longer to his body and his mouth. The kisses are normally on the rougher side thanks to Manny’s eager speed and facial hair but his touch is just the right amount of soft.

Soon they’re tucked into the hotel room, Seraphina is sitting crossed legged on the bed, beaming at Manny who is stretched out on one side of the bed, hand resting on her thigh, also smiling as he tearing into his breakfast burrito. Normally he was the kind of guy that wanted to go out on these spontaneous dates but Seraphina was always to herself.

Having a date inside wasn’t the worse idea as they ordered breakfast for dinner, danced around together after Manny washed his flight off (he told a little lie himself, the budget meeting already happened) and had a sheet mask on, once he stubbed his toe and tried to walk it off, Seraphina called their concert off just in time for the food to get here. Together they got comfortable, just chatting in close proximity before they decided on what to watch together before they fell asleep.

“Are we feeling’ more love is blind or The Traitors?” Manny asks after Seraphina comes back from the bathroom.

Was that a trick question universe?

Seraphina tucks herself right against Manny’s chest, his body hair pricked her new glass skin cheek but she allowed it as he kissed her forehead, “Uh, let’s do love is blind.”

“Sweet! Last season was tragic though.” Manny sighs as he squeezes her back before caressing and using his other hand to search the streaming platform with the remote.

Seraphina listens to his heartbeat thudding against her eardrum, it isn’t what soothes her tonight but she can thank that masseuse for providing with her sweet dreams for once.

ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎

Morning arrives much quicker than expected and it’s something her body is aware of before her eyes open. Seraphina’s tossing and turning in the bed, her back to the figure she ends up kicking.

“Hey, I see you’re awake.” Manny teases turning to tuck his face in Seraphina’s neck, but she nudges him off, “Whoa, what’s up? Is this going to be one of those wrong side of the bed type of mornings?”

She flops on the bed, peering her eyes to stare up at the dark ceiling. The hotel room feels chilly opposed to the warmth beside her and it is almost completely dark besides the bedside lamp on Manny’s side. He’s still in his night clothes from last night but he smells fresh like his signature scent of salt and amberwood, his scent should ease her like it normally does but right now it feels like it’s suffocating her.

“I cheated on you.”

Manny’s head tilts to the side, ear pressing into his shoulder blade and lets out a laugh, “Yeah okay, good one Mena.”

It’s her turn for her head to roll towards his so their eyes meets. She had to be honest, it all came rushing back and she couldn’t fake it anymore, “I’m serious, Manny. I kissed someone else.”

“Like…your dad?” He soberly inquires.

Seraphina shakes her head, “It was with Dante in Kansas City.”

“He was there? Again?” Manny asks as he sits up on the bed now, “Why?”

“He asked if he could come by, he was dealing with something after going undercover—

“All the way from Chicago? He drove to you?” Manny’s crossing his arms as he sits against the headboard, trying to keep his breathing steady instead of coming out in puffs.

Seraphina nods, “Yes. We’re always each other’s support systems…but I didn’t think it would have led to that. We come so far to not show each other that type of vulnerability.”

Manny swallows the lump in his throat, eyes closed, “I…thank you for telling me but I can’t say that this doesn’t hurt.”

Seraphina also moves to sit up in the bed, stomach doing somersaults instead of feeling butterflies like MJ said in that one song the two sung to each other just last night.

“Which is something I never wanted to do to you. I hope you believe me when I say that.”

“I know,” Manny dips his head, “You’re far from evil but you said you wanted to make sure you were over him before giving your best to me. I don’t want to believe that that was your best.”

“It wasn’t.” She admits, “You’ve seen part of my worst—

“I think your best was when you were away from Dante.” Manny adds, “Of course I knew you still missed the guy given that he’s your best friend and all but you were able to just be you and not half of someone else. I got to just see you. And I really liked her.”

Liked?

Seraphina is at a loss of words at that.

This she wasn’t sure she could a hundred percent agree with but perspectives were also another thing. This was someone who was on the outside looking in. Manny was closer to Seraphina on the east coast than Dante out in the Midwest. She was out of reach purposely, on her terms from Dante and it was tough but something she needed to do. Manny knows it deep down that she wouldn’t have made a trip back so soon if it wasn’t for her father’s decline.

Unfortunately the world wasn’t spinning in his favor.

Warm tears slide out the corners of her eyes and before she can wipe them away, Manny does the honors. He wants to say more but before he can there’s harsh knocks at the door. The two share a confused stare, which was enough to let Manny know that Seraphina was not expecting anyone this morning.

He’s on his feet first, not bothering to peek through the peephole since the knocks were urgent as he yanked the door open. There stands Dante, with a heated look in his eyes.

Dante doesn’t waste any time, shoving his way inside in search of Seraphina who’s standing beside the bed on alert. Manny lets the door slam shut behind him, marching right over to where Dante stands by the flatscreen on the wall.

“Okay now…I’m about to get disrespectful.” Manny announces, hands clasping in front of him.

Dante’s glare is only on Seraphina’s as he holds up a file, completely ignoring the man in the room, “Care to explain what the hell this is, Nina?”

He tosses the file onto the bed.

“What’re you doing here, Dante?” Seraphina takes a step forward, heart hammering in her chest as she realizes what’s on the bed.

There was no getting out of this.

“You left, fine. You left mi ma a note, fine. What isn’t fine is you leaving that behind in the bookshelf, which explains why you’re here in the first place.” Dante declaims.

Seraphina breathes, “…It’s not really your business.”

“It is when you lie to me!”

“Hey, keep your voice down when you’re speaking to her, man.” Manny warns Dante.

Dante holds up his hand to Manny who raises his brows.

“I didn’t lie.” Seraphina denies with a shrug of her shoulders, “I just didn’t tell you anything.”

Dante scoffs, a smile full of disbelief breaking out onto his face, which he rubs away with his finger, “Does he know?”

Manny steps closer to Dante then, “That you put your lips on what’s mine? Hell yeah I do.”

Dante sends a look of realization to Seraphina and then sizes Manny up, “That’s not what I was talking about but I’m going to need you to take about five steps back, bro.”

“Why are you even here?” Manny questions, “Did you get your permission slip signed?”

“Manny.” Seraphina foreworns.

Dante doesn’t have to answer to him but says, “Seraphina here is about to get herself into some shit she doesn’t need to be in, yet again.”

“That’s not up for you to decide,” Seraphina bites back, “Yet again.”

“Excuse me?” Dante frowns and points, “You’re the one who stepped back from forensic science because it got to be too much on your mental. Now you’re about to deal with some killer thieves you know nothing about? How do you think that’s going to go, huh?”

Seraphina snickers, “You don’t know what I know!”

“I know you’re not thinking this through, thinking you’re about to do this by yourself—or rather you and Peter!” Dante’s eyes are wide in anger, “Last time was already too much but this time will definitely put you six feet under.”

“Thanks for your confidence, asshole.”

“This isn’t a joke, Seraphina!”

Manny antagonized, “No but you are.”

“What?” Dante sneered as he turned his heated stare back to Manny, “Don’t you have a flight to catch back to Philly or something? Go annoy someone else.”

Manny licks his lips and sends a smug smile, “Why don’t I give you a personal one of your own? Outside that window right there?”

“Oh yeah?” Dante holds his hands out, “And you can a hundred percent guarantee that you’ll be charged with assault and attempted murder on a cop. C’mon the schools out in Philly got to be smarter than this.”

Now Manny’s got his forehead pressed right into Dante’s, “I’m not gonna tell you again to watch your mouth.”

“Or what?” Dante taunts.

Seraphina gets right in between them shoving both men away from each other with great force. There’s not a smile on Manny’s face anymore but there is on Dante’s and she was honestly ready to slap both of them.

“The both of you need to cut the who has bigger BDE right now! This is dumb.” Seraphina yells, “And honestly it’s too early for a migraine so shut up.”

Manny mumbled, “That’s not a competition anyway.”

Making Seraphina give him a blank look but he raises his hands in surrender, before placing his hand on top of her’s that’s resting against his chest. It’s his silent word of telling her he’ll try and cool down.

Dante laughs, “Keep telling yourself that, bro.”

Seraphina whips around to face the buzzed hair man who flicks his eyes right to her’s, “How did you even know I was here?”

“When I read through the file, I contacted Peter. And I’m sure you don’t need to know how i got that information.” Dante easily explains, “But the better question is, how did Manny find you?”

All eyes are on Manny’s now and he awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck.

“Manny?” Seraphina presses, trying to wrack her brain on when she spoke to Manny at any other point yesterday.

Firm knocks at the door only add to the tension in the room. The three all peer at each other and Seraphina is the first to move but Dante is quick to grab her shoulder.

“Let me.” His hand goes to his waist, nudging for her to step back and keep quiet as he goes to the door.

Peeking through the peep hole, he sends a look to Seraphina and Manny who have space in between them now. Dante sharply exhales through his nostrils as he pulls the hotel door open, revealing Deputy Chief Reid standing there with an easy smile.

“Good morning, Officer Torres, Seraphina Coty, and…Manny Castillo. Just the three I wanted to see. Will the two of you get dressed please so we can all take a ride?” He says in a way that isn’t up for debate before continuing, “Officer Torres, you can wait with me out here and why don’t you grab Coty’s file while we wait for me?”

Seraphina and Manny share a confused glance.

“Also…you won’t need to inform Officer Atwater of any of this just yet.” Chief Reid directs this towards Seraphina, burning a hole into her while she ignores the glare Dante sends her way, wanting nothing more than to slap the man in the doorway, “Agent Weaver is downstairs and will have a chat with Manny while us three tend to what we need to.”

Manny clears his throat speaking up, “Agent Weaver?”

“Yes,” Deputy chief dips his head but doesn’t elaborate for the man, choosing to leave that up to Seraphina, “That’s right and don’t worry, you’ll be in great hands until we figure this all out.”

No one makes a move and he sighs.

“We’re wasting time here people, let’s go!”

The bass in his tone this time around did not sit right to Seraphina and this Dante can sense. Her whole facial expression said, ‘I don’t know who this man thinks he’s talking to,’ but she moves from his sight nonetheless, wanting for his beady eyes to no longer be on her.

Dante moves back into the room to pick up the file while Reid holds the door open with his toe, Dante dips his head at the remaining two before leaving them alone once more.

The door clicks shut behind them and Seraphina digs her hand underneath the mattress to pull out the burner phone. Manny is staring at her wide eyed.

“What’re you doing?” He whispers, “I thought the guy said not to contact anyone?”

“That dimpled bitch doesn’t get to tell me what to do all the time,” Seraphina replied, “This is to keep Peter up to speed about you being with Weaver since I’m sure he doesn’t know about that. And I will be contacting Atwater, that’s what that nod was from Dante.”

Manny blinks, “Wow…I did not get that.”

“And I don’t get why you couldn’t answer Dante on how you knew I was here?” Seraphina exasperates, hand quickly grabbing her phone that’s on charge, fingertips flying over the screen to send a message to Kevin.

Once it was read, she pulls out the SIM card and waits for a message from Peter: understood. B careful. I think we’re all being followed. see u soon.

Which only makes Seraphina’s heartbeat spike, before her attention is back on Manny’s.

“Deputy chief Reid told me where you would be.” Manny tells which makes the woman raise her brows, “…Why is it feeling like I’m the one being interrogated right now?”

‘When you’re the one who broke my trust?’ he thinks.

A knock on the door warns, “Ten minutes.”

Seraphina wants to ask more but they’re all pressed for time, so she heads into the bathroom to flush the SIM card and works on getting ready while Manny gets dressed outside of the bathroom. Once ready, Manny pulls the door open with Seraphina leading the way.

“Great. Gang’s all here.” Reid walks off, expecting everyone to follow.

Seraphina asks before Dante can, “Where are we going?”

The Deputy Chief spins to face the three as he walks backwards, his smirk brightening as he looks back and forth between Dante and Seraphina, “To see a friend.”

That only meant one thing as brown eyes met spring…

This case was being brought to The Intelligence Unit now.

And right to Voight’s desk.

⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆˙⟡ ⚡︎ ⏦ﾟ♡︎ ⋆

#queued #dante torres #Dante Torres x oc #Dante Torres x reader #manny Abbott elementary #manny castillo #manny castillo Abbott elementary #peter sutherland #deputy chief Reid #chief reid Chicago pd #chicago pd #chicago pd x reader #benjamin levy aguilar #josh segarra

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darkbluekies · 2 years ago

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Jerry asks #2

Previous one

Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3

Warnings: nsfw mentions, drugs, murder

Rahhh i love ur OC Jerry smmm, i wanna squish her like a stress ball and inhale her into my nose 😔😔Im conclusion, i can't wait to see more of Jerry and your writing in general!!! <;33

youwannadowhatnow???? (thank you so much ily)

Bro i am SO in lesbians with jerry its not even funny

Very good >:)

how would Jerry react to reader killing someone out of self defense?(p.s. im lowkey in love with Jerry)

She will be proud over you. All that self defense she taught you actually worked. She's so pleased to know that you can take care of yourself when she's away. She'll comfort you, knowing that this most likely will take a toll on your brain.

"It's okay, baby, it's okay I promise, you did nothing wrong! You did so well. You could even have been harsher if you ask me, but you're so nice, aren't you? The nicest little baby? Come here."

As soon as Jerry puts a colouring book in front of me bam my attention is gone I am drawing I am gone I am happy

Perfect, just like she wants :>

"Giving you a coloring book to keep you occupied" Jerre what the actual f... do you think i'm a child ?! *is absolutely doing the coloring with an offended look*

Lmao coloring books really are fun, i love them so much

She'll come over every ten minutes to check up on you and see how far you've come.

"No need to glare at me when you're obviously having fun, you child." She peeks at the drawing. "That looks good, baby doll. If you finish the entire page before I'm done here I might let you sleep on my arm tonight."

Does Jerry get softer over time? She’s stand offish but we get those moments of softness, when she settles down with her darling and they both trust each other will she be soft or still only fleeting moments?

She doesn't get softer in theory, but you learn how to take her behavior and analyze it. Her cockiness is a part of her personality. it's not disappearing anytime soon. However, if you match her energy she will be much more comfortable. You might even be on the same level with her instead of being her property.

Example:

"I ought to give that son of a bitch a real pounding", Jerry mutters with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You should wipe the floor with his hair", you reply. "Use it like a real good mop."

She scoffs out a laugh. "I should, shouldn't I?"

"If you don't, I will."

You're about to leave, but she grabs your shoulder, forcing you back.

"Not a fucking chance, Y/N", she says. "He would grab your hair and swing you over his head like a damn propeller. I'm not letting him hurt you, you're too important to me. You can help me, but you're not doing anything by yourself, do you understand that?"

"In that case he'll hurt you too."

"I'll be fine." She taps your nods at the man. "If you take his glass, I'll put in the sleeping pills. Let's go, baby. I'm right behind you."

on my hands and knees begging for more information on jerry’s mommy kink

Well ... haha ... Jerry loves to be in control and know that she's the leader of the relationship. Having you call her that makes her feel important to you. Plus it feeds her gigantic ego.

She's the type to want you to call her that among others, just so people know. It makes her feel even cockier.

Of course she mocks you about it when you become shy about it, why wouldn't she do that? The more embarrassed you are, the happier she gets.

BLUE OMG I LOVE JERRY SO MUCH SHES LITERALLY RHE STANDART ‼️‼️

AGREED<33333

jerry stole my heart<3 -💤anon

She will steal more than that, she will steal your entire life

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yandere drabbles #yandere oc x you #yandere mafia #yandere oc x reader #yandere female #yandere asks #yandere x darling

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willyoubethepookietomypookster · 1 year ago

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"Last Christmas"

ITS OUTTTTT!!!!! FINALLY. Enjoy this piece, cuz this is probably the second to last piece I'll make regarding good omens unfortunately. I can only stay in a fandom for a few weeks before i lose interest, but i got a request and im determined to finish that. Also i added my own oc in here cuz i didn't wanna write (your best friend) the entire time 😭😭 Enjoy!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It had been a few months since Aziraphale left to become the Archangel of heaven, and Crowley was hit hard. You don't know exactly what happened, but you know it was bad. Crowley wanted to up and abandon the bookshop all together, but you couldn't exactly be left alone with Muriel. You love her, but she cannot take care of a human, let alone a teenager. As much as it pained Crowley, he stayed in the shop with you, because he was living in his car and he didn't wanna have you do that too. You've tried to contact Aziraphale a handful of times, but it only worked once. He was on call for 30 seconds and you made him promise to come home for Christmas before the line cut out and you had to give up. Its now December 22, and you're awaiting Aziraphales arrival any minute. You mailed him a phone for Christmas, with your number attached to a note, but he isn't allowed to have contact with earth, so he's been discreetly texting you. Since he's Archangel, he can technically do what he wants, but the higher ups dislike when he tries to check in on earth. The only reason he was even allowed to be here in the first place was because he lied about wanting to study human emotion during the holiday. Well, not exactly a lie, he has to study your emotion to be able to pass his trip off as work. You hadn't told Crowley yet, because you didn't know how he'd react, but you also couldn't let Aziraphale be a surprise because that felt wrong. You had finished sorting some books and decorating the house when you walked into the room to tell your father figure the news.

"Pa..??" You asked warily. He looks up at you and raises an eyebrow, signalling you to talk.

"Uhm....you know how its Christmas n all???" You say, and he looks confused.

"Yeah...?" He says.

"Uhhh...." You squeeze your eyes shut. "Can I invite my friend over??" You practically shout. Of course you chickened out, how could you tell him that the love of his life, who left him for a place he doesn't even like that much, was coming back within the hour? He nods slowly.

"Is that it? Of course you can." He takes a sip of the drink in his hand. You nod and excuse yourself, inviting your friend Ivory over like you said you would.

"Hey Ivy!" You said into the house phone.

"What do you need y/n?" She said.

"Wanna come over today? Its gonna be kinda a Christmas party, but not really."

"Oh sure, let me get ready and I'll be over."

"Kay!"

A little while later, you started pacing around the house, awaiting Aziraphales arrival. You had this feeling in your stomach that made you feel sick. Anxiety.

"What are you all uptight for?" Crowley asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhhhh..." You say, avoiding eye contact and wringing your hands together. You let out a deep breath. "Aziraphale is coming over.." You say, looking up for a quick second. Something flashes across Crowley's features, but he notices how scared you are and he just nods.

"Okay.." He replies, and goes back to downing his drink. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding and nod. You have such relief that it takes everything in you not to cry.

"Thanks pa.." You say, your voice wavering. He waves you off and you leave.

You have finally finished setting up when your friend arrives. You run to open the door and see Ivory standing there with a plate of brownies and cookies in her hands.

"Aw Ivy, you didn't have to bring anything!" You say, carefully taking the plate from he hands and inviting her in.

"Its fine, I never come to a party empty handed." She replies. You give her a tour of the bookshop and then introduce her to Crowley.

"This is Cro-...Anthony.." You tell her. She walks up to shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Ivory." She says. He nods in acknowledgement and starts walking around, inspecting the bookshop. You walk up to Aziraphales gramophone and put on a Christmas Classics record. The first song is Jingle Bell Rock, and you and Ivory start dancing to it. Crowley walks in on you guys vibing, and an odd expression crosses his face before he leaves you be.

After a few songs, there's a knock on the door. You and Crowley both look at each other for a fraction of a second before you're rushing towards the door. You rip it open and throw your arms around Aziraphale and buring your face in his neck. He starts laughing and pats your back.

"I missed you too, Y/n."

You pull back and really look at his face. He looks tired, and he's grown a beard since he's been gone. He steps inside and you introduce him to Ivory. You show him all the decorations you put up, and you then lead him to the living room to show him the Christmas tree. He enters the living room and glances at Crowley. They share a lingering gaze before he snaps out of it and turns his attention towards the tree.

"Its breathtaking, dear." He says while smiling down at you. You nod and smile.

"Thanks, dad." He hugs you again and looks around.

"Wheres Muriel?" He asks.

"She went back to heaven for the week." Crowley replies.

"Oh.." Aziraphale says. The tension between them is obvious, and you guys sit in silence for a little bit before Ivory comes in and starts pulling you up.

"COME ON. THEY'RE PLAYING THE SONG!!" She shouts. You stumble to your feet as she keeps tugging on your arm.

"WHAT SONG???" You yell, startled. Aziraphale chuckles at your antics and stands up.

"I can move the gramophone in here, if you'd like." He says.

"Yes please!!!" You and Ivory say in unison.

He snaps his fingers and suddenly the gramophone is on a table in the main room. Ivory's eyes grow wide and Aziraphale seems to notice what he's done, because he starts stammering and trying to make excuses. Crowley rolls his eyes, and Ivory chuckles.

"Its fine, Mr. Fell. Y/n told me all about how you did magician work in your spare time." Ivory states and winks at you. Crowley groans at the mention of magic and Aziraphale smiles brightly. Aziraphale looks at you.

"Why of course she did! My magic is stage worthy. I once performed at the West End!" He boasts. Ivory feigns a surprised gasp.

"Oh my!! Thats incredible! Did the crowd throw roses?" She says, smiling. Aziraphales face falters for a moment, recalling the blank stares and boos, but nods nonetheless.

"Of course!! I'm one of the greatest, after all." He's practically shining. The song has long been forgotten, you and Ivory chat with Aziraphale for a while. Crowley stares longingly, but pretends to drink anytime Aziraphale looks over.

Soon enough, you've all been chatting and eating for an hour or so. Crowley has been unusually quiet, and Aziraphale has not spoken a word about him or heaven since he arrived. You grab Aziraphales hand and place him right next to Crowley.

"Stay. Don't even think about moving, I'm gonna grab something really quick."

"Y/n-" He starts, but you've already grabbed Ivory and dragged her away. He and Crowley sit in silence for a moment, before Crowley speaks up.

"So hows the big fancy office job? Better than down here?" Crowley asks. Aziraphale immediately spins to face him, word vomiting his concerns.

"I hate it! Well, hate is a strong word, but I hate itt!! I miss you and Y/n. It's stressful and the angels are prideful pompous jerks. Metatron is always on my ass for something or another, Micheal never shuts up about 'restarting Armageddon' At this point I think I miss Gabriel too." He sputters out. Crowley looks at him starstruck.

"...You miss me..??" He asks. Aziraphale turns red and scratches his cheek.

"Well of course I do, you're my closest friend." Aziraphale replies, and Crowley can't help but chuckle.

"Yeah, friend." He mutters. He looks over to Aziraphale and gives him a hard stare. "You aren't forgiven." He says. Aziraphale looks confused for a moment before his eyes go wide with realization.

"O-oh! Of course not! I- I mean.. I haven't even apologized or anything." He turns away, takes one of Crowley's hands and starts tracing little star patterns on it. "But I am sorry. Really sorry. And I obviously miss you." He says. Crowley blushes, but pulls his hand away anyway.

"Its gonna take more than that you know." Crowley practically spits. Aziraphale flinches and looks like he's about to cry, but nods and smiles anyway.

"I know. I know." He whispers that last part, and almost stands up to leave before the girls come rushing back in. They're holding four hot chocolates, each one having marshmallows and candy canes in them.

"We have hot coco!!!!!!!" You yell. You quickly walk over to them and hand them each a drink. Crowley waves his hand.

"I don't want any, thanks." He says blandly.

"TAKE IT." You spat. Not in a mean way, but in a 'I'm going to kick you so hard if you don't' way. Crowley nods, holding back a smile, and takes it. Aziraphale chuckles at your antics and sips his coco.

You and Ivory drink and snack for a little while, when Last Christmas starts playing. Ivory quickly pulls you to your feet, and you guys start singing.

"LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART!!" You sing

"BUT THE VERY NEXT DAY, YOU GAVE IT AWAY!!" She sings back.

"THIS YEAR, TO SAVE ME FROM TEARS, I'LL GIVE IT TO SOMEONE SPECIAL!!!" You guys sing together. Crowley and Aziraphale exchange a look, before going back to watching you two. You guys do this for a while, before the lyrics change to something that hits too close to home.

"Wrapped up a gift and sent it, with a note saying I love you, I MEANT IT!! Now I know what a fool I've been, but if you kiss me now I know you'll fool me again!!!" You guys sing together. Aziraphale looks directly at Crowley this time, and grabs his hand. Crowley looks at him and they both stare at each other's lips for a second, before Aziraphale cups his face with his hand, and pulls him in for a tender kiss. You and Ivory stand there start struck, before you guys turn up the music and pretend you didn't see anything. Crowley leans into the kiss and grabs Aziraphales face. They quickly pull away after about thirty seconds. Crowley glares at Aziraphale, but makes no move to get away or wipe the kiss off his face. Crowley tears up a little bit and kisses Aziraphale again, just a peck this time, and moves away.

"You still aren't completely forgiven yet." Crowley huffs, and Aziraphale just laughs.

"Well, I'll just have to spend all my waking hours making it up to you then. I'll tell Metatron I quit, and pray he doesn't kill me in return." He says. Crowley smiles and gives him another peck.

"Lets go to Alpha Centuri sometime, yeah?" He asks. Aziraphale smiles too.

"Yeah."

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale x reader #crowley x reader #good omens x reader #good omens fic #aziraphale #christmas fic #christmas #crowley x daughter reader #crowley x aziraphale #crowley being cute #aziracrow

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spyderlondon · 6 months ago

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RACE ME!

A/N: Just something silly with both of our OCs and just a surprise for Scarlet in general.

Raceway AU @thescarletnargacuga @theamazingdigitalraceway

OCs: Scarlet's dragonsona and my canine sona

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"RACE ME, DANGIT!" Noa shouted up at the black and red dragon that was currently hanging on a battlement of the wall surrounding a decent sized castle that the dragon was able to coerce Caine into making for her somehow. No one ever really questioned it since she was the former champion of the raceway until she was basically forced to retire by the announcer desperately needing some other racer to win besides just her. No one really bothered her at the castle...

...except the canine that was currently below her. She was often found aggravating the retired racer whenever the current racers were given a day off to rest- something the brown dog was bad at.

Usually, Scarlet was able to get Noa to leave her alone by blowing a fireball in her direction and burning a bit of her dark red track suit along with some of her back fur. It didn't necessarily scare the dog but it did cause her to yelp and flee so she could extinguish the flames as well as get some aloe vera on it by Ragatha... as well as a scolding from the rag doll.

This time, however, "...fine." The dragon finally caved after so many desperate attempts from the younger woman to get her to listen to her, "If it'll get you to FINALLY stop coming over here and yelling at me." She rubbed her temples with her yellow claws gently.

The canine's eyes brightened up in excitement and she jumped up, cheering, "REALLY?! YES!!" She hooted and hollered happily. At least until a small fireball barely missed her, making her squeak in surprise, "A-Ack! Right! Calming down... Sorry." She smiled sheepishly at the dragon.

Scarlet leaned against one her hands, "You better work with Caine and Pomni on making a racetrack for me though- I refuse to race on that boring practice track." She snorted, some black smoke forcing its way out of her nostrils, "I need something exciting and harder than what you racers have been doing so far- it'd be too easy for me on those tracks."

"R-right! I'll get right on that!" Noa smiled eagerly before running off to find the AI announcer and his girlfriend with a bit of a skip in her step.

The dragon watched her go with a scoff, "She's not even a good racer- how does she have the guts to race me?" She shook her head before going back to what she was doing earlier.

---

"Pomni!" Noa called out to the jester racer as she got near her, "Could you get Caine for me? I can't find-" She paused as Pomni slowly turned around in a flustered state as she held the announcer's shoulders and he her waist.

All three of them stared at each other for a few moments before the the canine simply held out a foot and turned a full one-eighty and began to walk away like she saw nothing. She only made it a few feet before she was pounced on by the jester, "YOU ARE A TATTLETAIL SO GET YOU BUTT BACK OVER HERE!" The younger woman tackled her in her embarrassment.

"Woah, [%^**]!" Noa fell with a grunt, "I wasn't going to tell anyone!" She tried to defend herself, pretty weakly since it was true- she kind've sucked at keeping juicy things like this to herself. She felt both of the racer and AI's eyes staring holes into the back of her head which made her go silent for a few moments, ".......okay, maybe I am a bit of a tattletail." She admitted sheepishly, "Gotta admit y'all are cute together though-" She tried to save herself by complimenting the couple.

Caine rolled his eyes as he grabbed Pomni and had her hover in the air with him, "Sorry about her, mutt." He shook his head, using the nickname as an friendly way of teasing the canine racer, "She gets overly embarrassed when we're caught being affectionate." He explained as he watched the jester pout and cross her arms, "You know she means no harm.... outside of the races."

Noa could see the little bit of a scowl on the younger woman's face and chuckled a bit nervously, tugging on my track suit a little, "......I'm going to be hit with so many items-"

"You're getting distracted." A voice called from above and the three on the ground were suddenly cast in a medium sized shadow of a draconian creature, "And here I thought you were excited to race me?" She landed on the ground in between Caine and Noa.

The AI tilted his head at the dragon, "I thought you were retired from racing, Scarlet?" He blinked, "You usually just stick to helping me get ideas for track designs or monster obstacles."

She scoffed, "I am retired but this idiot over here-" She pointed a claw at the canine, "-keeps demanding I race her so I finally gave in." She shook her head before handing a track design to Caine, "And because I knew she'd get distracted, I decided to figure out a design instead. Mind building it for a one-on-one race?" She asked flatly.

The pair of dentures chuckled at how clearly Noa was trying to befriend Scarlet in the only way she knew how- racing- it was kind've nice especially with how shy she normally was. He nodded, "Alright- I'll get right on that."

The dragon nodded before flying upwards again, "I'll see you when it's race time." She told the dog simply before flying off.

----

I... apologize if your dragonsona is mischaracterized, I tried.

A/N: This one sucked but I ran out of ideas for this and I have other stories I wanna finish ^^;

#the amazing digital circus #tadc raceway au #tadc caine #tadc pomni #tadc showtime #caine x pomni #OCs #mine is Noa #Scarlet's is obvious lol

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werrrrrd · 3 months ago

Text

CHARLES XAVIER X OC pt.11

WARNINGS FOR ENTIRE STORY: shock therapy, manipulation, death, suicide, surgery is mentioned including an undetailed description, stitches, slight malnutrition, forcive murder, abuse of authority, blood, lots of blood stuff since this is like her power, anger issues, aggression, mentions of murder as well as the actual murder, mind reading, OC is not very kind to herself sometimes, let me know if you notice any others. No sexual assault but definitely Shaw being creepy.

AN: Thank you for being patient while waiting for this part! It is oh so juicy and I hope the wait was worth it. The next few parts wont be as consistent but I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THE STORY WONT BE ABANDONED!! I am dedicated to finishing it but I also need to get caught up in school and draft all the rest of the story to make sure that its a good ending and will be satisfactory to all you's

The mansion was beautiful. Wood detailing lined the ceiling and warmed the dark hallway. Only the glow of the room raven was in gave me any light and a large window at the end of the hall. I walked a couple paces down the wide hall hearing a soft echo of when the heels of my boots hit the floor. I wanted to explore, but Charles’ disconnection was bothering me more than my urge to wander. I walked a few more paces wondering if I'd have to use my powers to find him. That's when I heard gasping in a room on my left. I rushed into what was a medium room with floor to ceiling windows on the far wall and empty bookshelves.There, Charles was crouched down with his arms wrapped around his legs slightly rocking back and forth on his feet. I felt that his heart beat was off the charts and I rushed over to him to make sure he wasn't hurt

“Whats wrong!?” I put my hands on his arms and he lifted his head to look at me with wide, afraid eyes only just noticing my presence.

“It's n-nothing” He gasped out “im okay, I-ill be fine, shes alright now” Tears streaked down his face and he was inhaling and exhaling quickly and shallowly. I could feel his feelings spill back into mine as we reconnected. He knew everything would be alright with raven, he was just overwhelmed. Very overwhelmed, and uncertain and feeling intense pressure and suddenly I felt incredibly guilty for never wondering if Charles was doing ok like he had done for me. I had to fight to stop myself from freaking out too and make it up to him.

“Breathe Charles!" I said to him and kneeled down in front of him. He attempted twice to calm and slow his breathing but he only gasped in more air and it worsened. His panic only increased as he realized he couldnt get a breath in and he reached for his throat like he was choking.

The speed of his heart was making me feel woozy so I pushed him back off of his heels. He landed with his butt on the floor and his hands went behind him to catch himself from laying all the way back. His eyes flashed with even more worry. I pushed his chest until he scooted with his back against the wall. His legs sprawled out and I moved forward to straddle his lap. My hand went to his heart and I got close so that I could control his blood better. He looked at me pleading and confused. A few tears slipped from his blue eyes and he gasped in more air and wheezed as it exited his lungs. I focused on where his heart was, pounding unbearably hard, and slowed his blood gradually to get him to calm down. His hand went to press mine further into his chest, realizing what I was doing. His eyes fluttered shut and eyebrows knitted together.

I gulped, suddenly my heart was beating quicker, and not because of his panic that was subsiding. My eyes flitted down to where my hand was on his chest with his hand over it. He hiccuped once or twice but his breathing returned to a normal pace and he let out a shaky but long exhale.

I looked back up at him and saw that he was already staring back at me with intensity. The streaks down his cheeks shimmered in the soft light, my other hand rose and wiped the tears from his face with my thumb. His eyes searched mine carefully. The moon in the window reflected in them brightly and made them even more starry. I couldn't look away as his eyes flitted across mine, trying to read me. He let out another breath and I felt his heart rate steady completely. My hand dropped from his face but he caught it in his and held it where it rested on my leg. I swear it was so quiet, the air was still and all I could hear was us breathe slowly and quietly.

He inched forward, looking timidly between my lips and my eyes, looking for something telling him to stop. I only watched in a trance as he got closer and sat up off of the wall. I held my breath as he reached me. My hand still on his heart, and his over mine. His lips pressed against mine tenderly, tentatively, they were soft and just the slightest bit salty with his tears. I returned the emotion in my kiss. My hand moved from his heart which had picked up its pace slightly and cupped his jaw once more. His went to my back and pressed me against him. We moved slowly and carefully. He craned his neck against me yet still moved with so much gentleness. I pushed my lips further into his and relished in the feeling of his breath on my skin and our lips moving together.

We broke apart and I let out my own breath and turned my head down, blushing too hard to look at him. He kept me close with his arm around my waist and I felt one finger slowly trace a line up and down my back. Our foreheads pressed together and my thoughts returned to how good it felt to be touched in such a gentle and kind way. If it was anyone but Charles I wouldn't trust it, this care, I would expect an ulterior motive. But I couldn't find it in me to believe Charles had any ill intent. Despite being on opposite sides of a looming war, he was holding me like I was precious to him.

He tilted my head up with his fingers on my chin and I looked up at him with a dazed look on my face. He searched my expression again, making sure I didn't seem regretful or unsure. When he didn't see anything he shifted his grip on my hand and intertwined our fingers without breaking eye contact.

“Thank you.” He said to me earnestly

“For what?’

“Saving me, saving Raven, kissing me, god, you've done so much i am thankful for”

He whispered his accent thick and full of emotion. I smiled softly at him and my other hand fiddled with the end of his button up shirt mindlessly.

“Thankyou for trusting me.” I said softly in response.

“I can't help it.” He said without pause. My heart skipped in my chest. Everything felt so incredibly right with the world. I hadn't felt this way I don't think ever, and my hopes of achieving this feeling had completely blinked out years ago. Actually I don't think I had ever thought this feeling was possible. Completely peaceful, my heart feeling like it was everything it should be, that I was everything I should be. Not a single thing was wrong. I did not understand how Charles had changed my mind about so many things in such a short amount of time. How could he have made me feel so whole?

We smiled at each other for not long enough before his smile slipped slightly and he furrowed his eyebrows ever so subtly.

“Whats wrong?” I asked. Suddenly the feeling threatened to go and I wanted to do everything possible to prevent that

“How did Shaw find out? About our meeting?” he said carefully eyes still wide and searching.

“...He found someone, a man, who told him”

“Hmm” Charles looked away. He knew, he knew that it had not been that simple but he wasn't forcing it out of me. Yet the worry of losing this precious moment to a rotten end had me scrambling to fix things.

“Well, we had to torture him… I… I had to torture him. But I had no idea that it was about you, I thought… well I didn't know what Shaw wanted from him” I felt my gut twist as the words came out. A stab of self disgust and guilt formed in my stomach. Charles didn't say anything for a moment.

“You… you tortured him," He stated quietly. It wasn't a question, more a realization, or an understanding that he had not wanted to come to but could not ignore anymore. It broke my heart because he was right. Now I was quiet. His trust in me was not as firm as I believed, as I hoped, it was. And I couldn't blame him. It wasn't smart to trust me, I was working for a very bad man. That fact that Charles hadn't locked me up was objectively stupid. Even more stupidly, here we were, on the ground. With me on his lap and my hand in his and our lips tingling after the most perfect kiss I could ever imagine. But I had somehow hoped that he saw through it, that he knew how much I hated it and how much I hated Shaw. But I was being stupid too.

He had lost the fondness in his eyes and it was replaced with a sad stare. I pulled my hand from his and stood from his lap. He followed after me.

“I should go.” I said noticing that the sky was getting lighter outside, the sun threatening to rise, and realizing I had overstayed. I needed to get home before Shaw woke and noticed I was gone. If he saw I was gone again, that I had run away after years of having given up then he would be suspicious and figure out what had changed. He would find out about Charles and take him away from me. And now, what hurt even more was that I could sense that Charles wasn't as comfortable with me being here as he was before. The last thing I wanted to do was make things worse.

“I don't understand May, why?” he spoke before I could walk away

“Why what?”

“If you’re on his side, then why do you keep helping us? And why are you on his side? is it saftey? I could keep you safe here!” He said exasperatedly. I could feel him come up with another reason that could explain why I was with Shaw, maybe he thought that I just wanted to be with shaw. That I agreed with him like Emma did, but dread rose up in him at the thought and he swallowed instead of speaking up about it. He ran his hands over his face “I don't get it. I dont get you,” his eyes found mine again

“Its not that simple,” I said, backing towards the door. He stepped closer to me as I stepped away.

“May, please don't run off again.” He said with sadness and hurt in his eyes

I walked toward him trying to ease his hurt and hesitantly took his hand again. He didn't stop me so I laced our fingers together again. He looked down at our hands with his eyebrows furrowed again.

“I have to go, It was risky coming here at all,” I said sympathetically “I wish things were different, really, but there's nothing I can do,”

He furrowed his eyebrows and pulled his hand away, “I don't know why I'm trusting you. Shaw, he's a monster, and you…”

I felt an unjustified stab of hurt cut through me again.

“No one knows that better than I do, but please, keep trusting me. I don't think I could handle it if you hated me.” I said and it was honest. I barely knew him and yet I felt like he was the only thing holding me together. It broke my heart to think that he might hate me for the things ive done even if they were things I deserved to be hated for. I waited for Charles to respond but he was quiet. He did not look at me only at the ground in between us. I sighed, holding back tears and decided it was better that he hated me than that Shaw found out where I was.

“I'm sorry. Really,” I said to him, Still he was quiet, but it looked like he was forming words. I waited for a little while. His questions and confusion manifested onto his expression but nothing came from his mouth. I knitted my eyebrows together waiting for him to say something. But no, he seemed to give up on the words he wanted to say and looked away again. I took that as my sign to go and pulled my hand from his reluctantly.

He didn't follow me as I stepped out of the room. I ignored the strong urge to stay with him that always arose when I left his presence. The urge that ignored all reason and persisted no matter the circumstance. I only glanced back at him once I got to the hall to see him still looking at the floor. I held back tears as I tried to remember where the door was.

Still the warmness of the mansion was calling to me. I wondered how peacefully I would sleep here if I ever got the chance and shook the thought out of my head before I got too caught up in wishful thinking. That would only make things worse.

Once I got to the front doors, I saw Erik hiding in the shadows making me jump slightly. Once again I face palmed for being too distracted to notice him with my powers. Usually they were always noting where people were and how on edge they were, notifying me who to stay away from and most often, how to avoid Shaw. But Erik didn't seem to be about to attack me based on the speed of his heart. I glanced at him as he watched me go for the door expecting him to say something but not stopping to wait for it. when my hand hit the door knob he finally spoke up

“Whats your angle?”

I stopped and turned to him still keeping my hand on the door “huh?”

“What are you planning?” He stepped into the light of the windows and came a few steps toward me.

“Im not-”

“Charles wont read your mind now, but that might not be the case forever you know?” He said in a menacing tone. “Eventually he’ll crack and he’ll find out everything. Everything you're trying to hide.” he came to a stop and put on a wide stance that would have worried me if I wasnt a little bit anxious to get home. "The only reason he wont do it now is because he's worried what he'll find." he glared at me.

“Im not trying to hide anything. He can read my mind for all I care, honestly that would make things easier” I gripped the knob as I spoke. I meant what I said. If he read my mind then he would understand, the only thing I might actually want to hide was his effect on me, how much I thought about him, which was just a tad embarrassing. But then he would know that I really didn't mean any harm. He would know why I worked with Shaw, why things were the way they were. He would have the answers to all the questions he wasn't asking me.

Erik's expression flashed to shock before he looked away to cover it. His eyes came back to me when I spoke again

“Go ahead and let him know. My mind is open to him, any time he feels like he wants answers, he deserves that at least, I hope it brings him some peace...” I said staring into Erik's eyes, unwavering to let him know that I was serious, that I didn't doubt a word of what I said. He breathed out evenly looking for anything untrustworthy in my gaze. But I didn't have time to convince him so I opened the door to go, stepping out, back into the cold night.

#charles xavier #charles xavier x reader #james mcavoy x reader #charles xavier x oc #x men #james mcavoy x oc #james mcavoy

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