#like it’s not a nice ending

[bigdumbbambieyes]

It's been almost a year and Billy still aches.

It's not constant, but when it's there, it's there.

And it's worse when he runs into Steve, in public, and Billy sees his new boyfriend with him.

He'd moved to Chicago with Steve after graduation, when they had been inseparable. They'd been desperate to leave Hawkins and after finding a two-bedroom apartment, they'd packed up and left.

And once the trauma of the Upside Down had begun to settle, they felt...different. They fought more. They didn't fit. And they had begun to wonder if they ever had.

They say the breakup was mutual, but they know it wasn't. Not when Billy's been unable to move on and Steve's found happiness elsewhere.

Billy can't blame him, though. He's so fucked up, he's surprised Steve didn't leave sooner.

But, those big doe eyes suddenly meet his across the department store where they're shopping for Christmas and Billy immediately looks away, like a coward.

Because that's what he's always been, a fucking coward.

He glances again, sees Steve tell his boyfriend something before making his way over and Billy's stomach sinks.

No, not today, please.

"Hey," Steve whispers as he saddles up beside Billy, and when he glances over at him, he sees that familiar small, warm smile and it rips his heart right out of his chest.

"Hi," he mutters, glancing down at the gift set he'd been eyeing for Max.

"That for Max?" Steve asks, his voice light, knowing.

Billy shakes his head 'no' and turns away from it, looking at Steve again. He eyes him for a second before glancing over his shoulder, catching the new guy watching them. As if Billy would try anything.

"You going back to Hawkins for Christmas, too?" Steve asks, tilting his head, getting Billy's attention back so effortlessly.

Too.

"He going with you?" Billy asks, unable to help himself.

Steve's face twists a little, like maybe he's thinking of lying, but he doesn't. He can't. "Yeah."

Billy liked the Harringtons. They had liked him. He wonders how they'll like the new guy.

"You should stop by, on Christmas Day," Steve smiles weakly. He knows how shitty Christmas is to Billy - how shitty his father is to him.

But, the thought of going to the Harrington house on Christmas Day as Steve's ex, where he'd spent the last three Christmases, makes spending Christmas at the Hargrove house sound just a little better.

Which is fucking sad.

Because it should be him going home to Hawkins with Steve, it should be him shopping for Christmas presents with Steve, not...him. Whatever his name is, Billy can't remember. Doesn't want to.

And despite how fucking sad everything is, Billy can't help but to flick his gaze down to Steve's jacket--

His jacket. Billy's. The brown leather one he's been missing.

He should demand it back. Strip it off Steve's body, make him apologize for taking what isn't his.

But, he doesn't. Instead, with his eyes on the leather, he asks quietly, "What does he have that I didn't?"

There's a brief silence, the people walking around them chatting and laughing and passing by, before Steve says, "He talks to me. Opens up. He makes me feel wanted. I never have to guess what he's feeling. He soothes my worries. He loves me the way I want to be loved."

So, everything.

His eyes burn as he flicks them back up to Steve, sees the sorry expression there. Billy knows he looks like shit. He's been going through a lot and it reflects on his face.

He's tried to forgive himself for how things ended between them, how he had lacked what Steve needed. Needs. And he couldn't fix himself fast enough, couldn't recover what he'd lost, so now he's here: watching the love of his life shop with another man.

It hurts more because he had been Steve's first everything with a guy. He had expected Steve to go back to some woman, some girl who could give him a family like he wanted. He wasn't supposed to kiss another man, hold his hand, love him.

That was supposed to be Billy's to cherish for the rest of his life, because after Steve, who was he supposed to love? It seems impossible now, to love another, when he still has so much to give the pretty boy in front of him.

Steve's mouth twitches, like it used to when he was nervous, and he mutters, "I'm sorry, Billy...but, it's the truth."

And the truth always hurts.

He gives Steve an empty smile, "I'm happy for you."

"No, you're not," Steve huffs wryly.

"Then let's just pretend I am," Billy mutters.

Another brief silence, their eyes meeting in the busy store, and Billy knows this is it. This is what they are.

Steve manages another small smile and nods, "Okay. We can pretend."

Billy will pretend for the rest of his life, then. If Steve's happy, that's all that matters.

He just wishes it was with him.

Nodding, and swallowing thickly, Billy manages the courage to mutter, "Merry Christmas, Steve."

"Merry Christmas, Billy," Steve whispers, no longer smiling and his brown eyes sad.

Billy turns and walks away with tears burning in his eyes, knowing Steve still holds his beating heart in his hands and always will.

[canisalbus]

✦ Fashionably late ✦

[foldingfittedsheets]

At the store I was covering today a dad walked in with his kid. They were on the teen side of childhood but age was indeterminate to me. He said, “So they need a new bed.” Later he added, “Their current bed is pretty squishy.”

I glanced at the child and said, “Would I be correct in intuiting your pronouns are they/them?”

Both dad and child lit up and he thanked me for noticing.

“It’s no big deal. My wife uses they/them. It confuses people because they hear wife and assume she/her but they’re a they/them. It just sounds so much better than spouse or partner to say my wife.”

The kid was ecstatic and exclaimed, “Yeah cause that’s your wife!”

It was fully heart meltingly adorable.

[blackkatdraws2]

[⚠️The Amazing Digital Circus SPOILERS] This episode was interesting!

[chloesimaginationthings]

Michael learns of Jeff’s pizza from FNAF Into the pit

[doggirlhen]

they should make shopping for cables easier i think. there should be a service where you pick the ends, you pick the length of cable, you pick the like. color and texture of the cable (shitty plastic, nicely woven, bare metal, whatever) and then they make it and ship it to you for a reasonable fee

[twilight-zoned-out]

Learning about the Doctor Who specials' expanded budget: oh no, what if they overuse CGI to look more 'professional' and high-budget?

The first scene of the Doctor Who Special:

[turtleblogatlast]

Leo learns something about himself 🏳️‍⚧️

Based roughly on this old post.

Bonus:

[Leo is taking the fact that he was born biologically female simultaneously very well and also not so well but overall he’s mostly coping with the fact that it was Draxum that just essentially gave him the turtle equivalent of ‘The Talk’.]

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

Jason's been pestering Danny about why he looks like a borderline walking corpse for ages and Danny has decided to put his lying skills to the test. (he has none)

rambling below cut

I've been playing w the idea that the more Danny transforms, the more his ghost form gets "lively" while his human form gets weaker and more sickly. He knows that if he keeps transforming like this then, one day, he's not going to have a livable body to go back to, but he really doesn't want to think about all that. He's more interested in the weird "totally dead but not dead" Wayne son who may or may not have a thing for his sister.

everytime i do one these im like "this time I'll keep it simple so I don't have to suffer through colouring bc I have zero foresight—it'll be greyscale at most" and then all of the sudden its 4am and i'm trying to finish a stupid comic but i decided to add "some" colour to spice it up and hide my shitty ink job and then SOME COLOUR ALWAYS BECOMES FULL COLOUR WHY CAN I NOT ESCAPE THIS STUPID CYCLE!!

(did this all stem from me not being able to decide between a super pale character design and one w a vibrant tan bc I love white hair + tan but I also love extremely pale albino so I forced myself to find a way to make both work? never! that's absurd!)

[nothorses]

after having an entire hour long conversation with my coworkers about what "degendering" is, and the importance of using trans people's pronouns when you know them- rather than always defaulting to "they/them" no matter what- and still getting "they/them"ed by people I trusted not to fucking do that to me, I have decided that the name and pronouns circle of introductions for new additions to the group will now include the very clearly stated boundary that they do not use "they/them" pronouns for me.

your move, cowards!

[jambamthepaperman]

“Why don’t you want me” after literally throwing a sink at her head to kill her RIO BABE WORK ON YOUR TIMING

[starry-bi-sky]

on a completely separate note; shizun luo binghe with a disciple shen yuan who fell into the abyss??? *thinks about LBH canonically stealing SQQ's corpse for 5 years* he'd hallucinate i think. like, like visual and audial hallucinations.

Keeps thinking he's seeing SQQ in the corner of his eyes, or wandering between the trees, amongst a group of disciples. Thinks he hears him calling for him, but its just the wind or another disciple.

Gets Xiu Ya reforged but patently fucking refuses to make a sword mound. Because his disciple Is Not Dead :))) There was No Body. He's Not Dead. And If You keep Insisting That He Is, He's Gonna Skewer You :). He's holding onto Xiu Ya so he can return his most favored disciple's sword when he returns. It's on his hip right next to Zheng Yang where it's supposed to be.

Also this motherfucker?? does not sleep btw. He has the image of SQQ, wide eyed and hysterical and standing at the mouth of the abyss burned into his fucking eyelids. Can't use the dreamscape to escape it either because he keeps trying to save him and either he does and it's an incredibly cruel trick to wake up to, or he doesn't and he gets his heart broken in several different pieces again.

There is no convincing this man that Shen Qingqiu is dead. Absolutely nothing at all. He is buried so deep in denial that moles would be jealous of how deep he is. He keeps making tea for two in the bamboo house only to remember that it's just him. SQQ's fans are hiding everywhere, little reminders of his presence. He goes to wake up SQQ on the mornings he sleeps in-- only to find the room empty.

[hinamie]

shhhh

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

Me when I really want to draw fanart for a fandom because it looks so cool, but I haven't the slightest idea about any deeper lore than surface level plot and symbolism

[glassedplanets]

more sketches! zs on the brain

[taffywabbit]

i have lots of flaws but i do at least take a fair amount of comfort knowing that, if i were a customer NPC in a fast food/retail management game, i would be one of the chill early-level ones that can wait a super long time before they start getting impatient, and you breathe a sigh of a relief when you see them show up in a harder level