#like it is very very stressful to be someone who has memory issues

[eccentricallygothic]

Divorced Dad!Captain Syverson who experiences a real time brain short-circuit when he sees how well you get along with his kids during your first meeting with them… 

Warning(s): Breeding kink, size kink, old man!Sy, age gap, manhandling, groping, fluff, boob play, unprotected p-in-v, I added plot to it TT. MDNI.

. . . 

After the messy divorce that followed his turbulent marriage, Sy was not looking forward to any relations with the opposite sex, if possible. With his former profession a constant hurdle to his life as part of a unionized pair and marital bliss, what had started as a promising relationship had turned out to be one of those unfortunate marriages where children were sought as a last resort to perhaps save the remnants of the already rotten love between man and wife. Though being someone from a background that held family in the highest esteem and always having been fond of the idea of his own lot, Sy loved his children more than life itself and there was not a thing in the world he would trade for them. And that was the reason why he had preferred to opt for an early retirement so custody would not be an issue between him and his ex-wife who was more than eager to shed off everything affiliated with the name Syverson like an illness.

You, on the other hand, though not much experienced with the opposite sex were not too warm to the idea of children. Being a student in her last year of higher education and only so old as you were, your attitude hardly deserved to be subjected to scrutiny. That, and the fact that you hadn't really had many young ones around you while growing up as an only child, calling you a foreigner to the scene would not qualify as an exaggeration and hence it can be said that it is more indifference than contempt on your part. 

So naturally, when it happened, it was strictly unplanned. And very fateful. With a rather traumatized Sy in a sort of an emotional limbo who had more than enough reason to keep to himself, and a stressed with soon approaching future endeavors as well as disillusioned with the opposite sex you, the night you had bumped into each other outside the bar restrooms where Sy had been dragged to cheer up by his friends and you to loosen up by yours, the rather fast yet steady rate at which the two of you had woven into each other had been unexpected to say the least. 

But now, as Sy fires up the grill in his backyard to begin the little BBQ he has planned for today when you meet his children for the first time, the prided and much experienced grill expert nearly burns his hand because he is so busy inwardly fawning over how quickly his rugrats have warmed up to you. And you, Sy will swear on anything that you are just the most perfect woman— person alive. Everything is just right with you. Even on days when the world seems to press down on him, your mere presence is there to help his spirits back up and elate as well as support him in every sense.

Though he had been honest about his condition since the beginning, after his initial reluctance to get with you as you were so much younger and inexperienced compared to him, children weren't peculiarly a topic that came up between the two of you except occasions where Sy wanted to share a little victory or rant with you. So as you keep his toddler on one hip with a protective arm around her, your perfect body -Sy's words- clad in a bonny bright coloured sundress, and hold the hand of his 5 year old who excitedly shows you around the mini patio of the modern farmhouse, memories of his own mother scarce if any, your making conversation with the boy and giggling along to his lisp droning flutters Sy's heart in a way that he thought he had outgrown. 

It also excites him with a kind of boyish heat that the former military Captain had thought he had shed off with his adolescent youth.

And so he just has to have you by yielding to a similar impatience and desperation, the musical sound of your giggles faintly fluttering its melodies upon his flush and thumping ears as he gets to it.

“God, Sy!” The huff in your words fires him up even more and he cannot hold back any longer. “You’re such a brute!” His coarse and scarred paws heavily pull at your dress with a crazed desperation to help you find the restroom, as he had told one of the farm hands that he had left the children under. “Oof!” The whine you let out before instinctively craning your head to try and ease the way his thick beard tickles the tender skin of the curve of your neck makes him growl into your carotid pulse that he worships with his hot lips, the pressure of your pressing your face into his as well as the soft pants you let out, your chest bumping into his with each heave of your lungs, only lithifies his bulging erection even more. 

“Gon' fatten up your pretty lil’ pussy with my cum, baby” Sy's breaths scorch your clammy skin with their burning weight. His hands grope and expose you everywhere they can reach, and they can do so everywhere because of how much smaller hence ragdoll-like you are compared to him. “Wouldja like that, angel?” Your eyes roll to the back of your head when he boosts your thighs up his tall legs and around his waist, the fat and leaking tip of his cock grazing against your holes from how he is kissing you everywhere he can reach. “Me stuffing that cute tummy full of siblings for Tim and Bethy, huh?” You know he would never actually do something as serious so callously without a prior discussion so you breathlessly nod, pushing your oral muscles to gulp down the thick bile in your throat and tip your head against the wall to prepare yourself to withstand his intrusion of your pussy that thanks to his girth always feels like not only your first time with him but your very deflowering in general.

 “Yes” your mouth falls open as he reaches below the hold with which he has your whole body propped up. “Yes, please~” his balmy tip finds its destination in the tiny, drenched and quivering closed up band that leads to your reproductive cavern. “Please fimme with your babies, Sy~” when the stretch makes your tiny hole burn around his girth, your mouth lets loose all the obscene words of vulgar desire. 

“Yeah, baby?” Sy's fingers flex over your ass and caress their way up your side before coming down and repeating the action, his thumb stealing strokes of your nipples as he does. “Wanna make me a Daddy, yeah?” A hiss leaves your mouth and your back arches at the feeling of your walls sheathing him deep within themselves. His breathtaking urgency nearly puts a dent in your innards. “Want me to make you all round and heavy here?” Your pussy clenches around the hilt of his cock when he suddenly gropes your naval into a greedy handful.

“Yes, please, Sy!” Your whole form bounces up in the air when the man gives you a thrust so powerful that has you mewling and digging your nails in his shoulders. “Wanna make you a Daddy so bad, Sy!” His dick has always had a hypnotic effect on you, for the minute it's in the vicinity of any of your holes, you become a brain dead parrot for him. 

“Atta girl~” he cooes, tossing your body further up with a strong stab of his hips so he can clamp his teeth down on one of your boobs.

MASTERLIST

. . . 

I am MAD for this man. Like I am not even hot on kids. WHAT—

[harmoonix]

🦢 нєανєη 🦢

Astrology Observations by harmoonix

🦢 - Mars in Leo/Cancer/Gemini/Virgo can easily feel under pressure when they're stressed, they can feel like the world is ending!!

🦢 - Mars in Libra/Mars in the 7H are so complicated. Finding the peace and the harmony within your romantic relationships can be stressful

🦢 - Gemini Saturn/Virgo Saturn/3H Saturn/6H Saturn are possible anxious places for Saturn! They're so heart-warming, though!! At some point every anxiety attack will end

🦢 - If you have malefics in your 11H like Saturn, Pluto, or Mars, if you have friends that talk bad/shit about their other friends, be sure they talk the same to them about you!! Is so predictable!

🦢 - Cher has a Gemini Venus that makes her look young even though she is 78. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE ???

🦢 - Your 2H can talk about your metabolism!! Since it is heavily associated with food! For example, a fire sign in the 2H can talk about a fast metabolism

🦢 - Having Sagittarius in your 2H or 2H ruler in the 9H, it can make you proud of your traditional/cultural food!!

🦢 - Leo Placements have a dark side like all of the other zodiac signs, because they're always in the spotlight. It is quite hard to know how they feel or if they fake their feelings. Not everyone knows how they feel behind close doors

🦢 - Sagittarius/Scorpio and Aries Mars can have a bad temper at times, some even anger issues, and is because Mars gets crazy in those placements

🦢 - If you have your south node in the 9H/Sagittarius, the school or some educational institution can get stuck in your memories/past forerver

🦢 - Jupiter aspecting Moon makes someone to radiate kindness! That person you wanna protect from bad people

🦢 Pluto - Mercury aspects can make someone have a deep voice indeed, which is also that typo of person to their voice hoarse most times

🦢 - Venus in Cancer/4° 16° 28°/4H Venus will make someone love you so passionately! They will build a castle inside your heart

🦢 - I feel like Capricorn Placements are always the ones to stress/overthink about the future 🙁, there is always something 'What if that will happen'

🦢 - Venus/Moon in your 9H can make your relationships/marriages blessed! Is a very beneficial house for those planets

🦢 - Mercury in air signs have a specific way of communicating! It can be a fast reply to your messages, instant calling, using a lot of gestures while talking!

🦢 - If you have Sagittarius Mercury/Mercury in the 9H, you probably have a very good type of humor! Makes everyone to laugh

🦢 - Pisces Mercury and the 12H mercury are also people with good humor! I honestly appreciate their energy

🦢 - Can someone tell me why like Cancer and Capricorn Saturn BOTH give a very nurturing energy?? Is like I connect with mother nature

🦢 - Libra Placements are honestly precious! They appreciate the beauty of everything! They can find beauty even in bad things

🦢 - I have no major Saturn - Venus aspects, but I have quincunx instead, which can be manifested as such sad energy because you basically don't feel anything at times

🦢 - Lilith and Sun aspects are the symbol of a black diamond! Always shining after all they have been through

🦢 - If you have major 6H placements especially Pluto in the 6H, your health both mentally and physically is VITAL. Always prioritize that!!

Replying to your ex: No

Prioritizing your mental health: Yes

🦢 - If one of your parents have their sun in the same sign as your rising you can look a lot alike! Is honestly one one if the best combos to share with your parents

🦢 - Venus conjunct south node but also Libra south node gives me the vibe of a widow in a past life, someone who could've have suffered in love

🦢 - If your 3H is connected with the 11H you can be best friends with your siblings, if your 3H is connected with the 9H you tend to be best friends with your cousins

🦢 - Saturn/Neptune/Mars and Pluto in the 12H need proper sleeping if they're usually tired is a sign to just relax and take a nap

🦢 - Venus in the same house as your Mars can make you addicted to topics like art, music, sex, history, and even culture

🦢 - Mars in harsh aspects with Venus tend to flirt more than the good aspects, because Mars here is looking for competition

🦢 - Virgo Venus and Venus at 6° 18° can be picky with their partners, they can also have multiple types of people as their crush

🦢 - If you have got your 4H connected to the 7H your family can help you with getting into a relationship

🦢 - Jupiter in harsh aspects to Pluto tend to force their beliefs/religion/habits into others, something even without realizing

🦢 - Uranus in your 4H or Aquarius in the 4H can talk about your family can have quite unique habits, is like your family is different from the rest of the world because something makes them to just stand out

🦢 - People who have Sun in their 4H or IC at 5° 17° or 29° can really be known because of their family, is giving popular family

🦢 - Earth Signs over the 8H can be very private about their intimate lives and their sexual life

🦢 - Mercury aspecting Moon can make the native so empathic emotionally, you can understand everyone's feelings usually they're soft at heart

🦢 - Mercury in the 12H can be attracted into things that seem 'undiscovered, or unknown', they're always curious about things they dont have much info about

🤍🤍🤍🤍 harmoonix

[aplpaca]

thinking about how I've seen OCD get talked about now, but haven't really seen many posts that actually explain what it is. And like, obviously people shouldn't get all their info about mental conditions from posts, but u can't deny that internet communities and stuff play a major role in people recognizing and putting names to their own experiences.

But like since the general public has like absolutely no idea of what OCD actually is (no thanks to popular media), and a lot of things I see talking about intrusive thoughts don't mention OCD (either bc they originated in OCD circles or bc intrusive thoughts aren't Exclusive to OCD or for some other reason), there should prob be more explanation put out on what OCD actually consists of.

Which is kinda hard in some ways, bc there are so many ways OCD can present in terms of what "themes" a person experiences, so someone talking about what their themes are might not ring a bell with someone who experiences different ones. But like, the core thing with OCD isn't the presence of certain themes, it's a specific pattern of spiraling thoughts and reactions.

Like. OCD is a mental condition/illness where people experience stressful, unwanted, repetitive thoughts. These are intrusive thoughts are what make up the "obsessions" part of the disorder. In response to these intrusive thoughts, a lot of people will perform certain actions or think certain things in an attempt to neutralize or disprove the threat they represent. These are the "compulsions" part of the condition.

For a more "traditional" example, someone experiencing intrusive thoughts that they might catch a communicable disease may obsessively wash their hands or google their symptoms to try to lessen the anxiety. While someone who is worried they might hurt someone (even though they very much do not want to hurt someone) may avoid being near sharp objects or may avoid the people they're afraid of hurting.

One of the issues with OCD is that performing the compulsions provides short term relief, but in the long term it only strengthens the stress caused by the intrusive thoughts, thus furthering the thought spiral and actively making it worse, to the point where, depending on your themes, you may be (almost) convinced that your intrusive thoughts represent the truth or the inevitable or something permanent.

Intrusive thought themes cam be literally anything, but some of the common ones are stuff like

Questioning your sexuality, gender, etc (what if I'm actually straight/gay/bi/trans/cis/etc?)

Being worried about losing control and hurting yourself or others physically, sexually, emotionally, basically any way (what if I want to kill someone? What if I'm a pedophile? What if I'm an abuser? What if I want to stab myself? Etc)

Fear of becoming or being sick

Worrying something bad will happen to you or people you care about

Worrying about your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof (what if I'm actually Christian? What if I'm actually atheist? What if i don't believe in the faith i ascribe to? Etc)

Worrying about relationship status (what if I don't actually love them? What if they're not "the one"? What if they're cheating? What if *I'm* cheating? Etc)

What if I'm a bad person?

Fear of losing things

Fear of things not feeling right (this is often be related to other themes via magical thinking. ex: if I don't have my things organized Just Right then something bad will happen)

Fear of unreality

Compulsions vary by theme a lot obviously, but some common ones include

Hand washing

Organizing things until they Feel Right

Checking and double checking and triple checking to make sure you did something correctly

Obsessively reviewing your memories to disprove a thoughtor make sure you don't believe something

Arguing against the thoughts in an attempt to disprove them

Testing your mental reactions to a thought or to certain kinds of content, to show yourself you don't actually believe or feel something

Obsessively googling symptoms, testimonies, things related to your thoughts

Obsessive prayer

Repeating phrases, mantras, affirmations, etc in an attempt to make thoughts go away

Avoiding things and situations that set off your intrusive thoughts

Repeatedly asking for reassurance from others ("I'm not being xyz, right?")

But yeah this obviously isn't exhaustive but, just, if this kind of thing sounds familiar, you should probably do some research on OCD, bc while intrusive thoughts can occur with other conditions, the intrusive thought-compulsion spiral is the core of OCD and isn't really a subaspect of depression/anxiety/ptsd/etc. and the treatment and management of OCD can look different from other stuff, so its a good thing to look into.

(Also it's important to keep in mind, esp if you're someone that doesn't have it, that someone's intrusive thoughts Are Not "secret desires" or "repressed urges" or anything the person even remotely wants to act on. Someone having harm-related intrusive thoughts is not at risk of actually acting on them, no matter how worried they are of doing so.)

Anyway this was a long post and I don't have a neat way to wrap it up and also I accidentally added a poll and now can't get rid of it so here's free poll. I'm running on nyquil and a small amount of straight gin (which works very well at numbing a sore throat) rn gnite

[untitledgoosegay]

re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"

this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?

some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.

take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.

and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.

people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.

that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis

[timkontheunsure]

Blitz's has dyslexia 🙂

Him singing it is just so cute.

He dose know the alphabet as Blitz gets it right right after this. So this is an ordering issue.

(I still have to use the alphabet song to get it right, and worked at a library for a while and used to tutor English).

Dyscalculia is a fairly normal side effect of dyslexia, and is under the same umbrella term.

This can make estimating groups on the fly very difficult.

Blitz struggles to switch language tracks, and doesn't pick up that Loona's making a joke out of he skinning the manly meat with the manly men.

Blitz is normally great at these sorts of dirty jokes, but because it was unintentional he doesn't spot it.

This is because being serious and puns/jokes are sorted in a different 'box'.

Stols - Blitz spell a lot thing as they sound, with a few transportion errors like night to nihgt, and some typos like missing the o in sorry, or missing words out.

As he says Sto-lus, that gets shortened to Stol's when said quickly. It's a cute nickname. 🙂

He also occasionally reverses letters.

(oh look a nice wee pile of evidence).

Transcription - the case files are written by Blitz dictating to Moxxie. This is normal adaptation for working around this disability.

Ok addressing the elephant in the room, cus someone always says it. "But Blitz is just uneducated".

He got in and went to collage. (Dropping out was probably to do with the fire. Blitz is met to have been around 19-20 when that happend).

And Fizz, who he grew up with and worked the same job; has perfect spelling. They would have had the same people teaching them.

Honestly this idea bugs me a lot, because it's equating being poor to a lack of education. And then spelling proficiency as a stand in for intelligence level.

We saw this when people were trying to claim Blitz was too thick to use the word supremacist. 🤦

This ties in to whole host of classist and ableist tropes.

Blitz can with alot of effort Sometimes spell correctly, when it's very important. (For Fizz and Loona).

It takes 4x as much energy for dyslexics to do these tasks. It's common to sometimes get it right, but not others.

Dyslexia is kind of short working memory issue.

Working memory is the time you can hold something like an image, or a string of numbers, in your head before it fades.(Human ram). If it's short it can be extremely difficult to get it into long term memory.

So rote tasks with nonsensical none phonetical rules don't stick well. (Eg Fonetic).

Blitz getting it right some of the time, when trying hard at the hospital tracks. Cus he doesn't want to stress Loona out more.

The 'wiring' of dyslexic brains also makes it difficult, because reading and writing are processed across both hemispheres. Nerotypicals all do that one side, which is quicker as less far for the impulses to travel.

We also don't get the visual overlay trick that alot of Nerotypicals get. The thing were you can see the spelling in your imagination and copy that pattern to spell it right every time. (Anyone able to do this is so cheesy 😛).

And lastly Blitz talks a mile a minute, but only write a few short replies to Stolas' wall of texts. (Which are probably tricky to read as of bad formatting).

Here's hoping Stolas gifts him a better phone with a good spell check, and speech to text at somepoint. Then he gets more than just memes.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Hidden Heir

Next ->

The Duke's family had very distinct eyes. It was genetic. An aggressively dominant trait at that, though it tended to die off, after a few generations out of the family. Supposedly a "blessing of the Gods". Spring to be exact. Bounty and luck. And the family certainly WAS bountiful.

In all the best and worst ways.

Wealth, corruption, children and bastards. It was a family so aggressively ALIVE, it could only be Spring's blessing that made them so. Pouring mania and madness into their veins like sweet sunlight. Whispering glory and riches, into power addled ears. They burst with life. Even as they endlessly destroyed themselves.

They were fictional.

Fascinating set dressings, for the stage play of someone else's story. Unimportant beyond their role in world building. As the origin story and power base of a character lead.

The Story ITSELF didn't even occur here. But rather, in the capital. Where the players of significance had gathered.

And I? Oh I was some minor antagonist, so insignificant to the plot, I genuinely could not remember which of seven different women I actually WAS. It had been an ongoing series. Otome Isekai. Reverse harem.

And I was either in the ORIGINAL original novel, the isekai'd plot novel, the anime adaption, OR a horrifying fever dream. My memory was largely useless. But? I did remember the characters. The archetypes.

And the fact, that the author had clearly been going though a Yandere phase.

My region of the Reverse Harem collect-o-thon? Horrifying! Red flags everywhere! No one here should date, leave room for fantasy Jesus, have we considered the joys of being a NUN? Yes. Yes I HAVE thought about it.

I was pretty sure I'd never make it. End up dead or captured by some sort of Nun Yandere. Or God Yandere. Possibly both. Assuming the bandit yanderes don't get me first. It... it was very stressful, living here.

Luckily? I knew when I could leave.

Or so I thought.

Because my house? The Dukedom? Had the "yandere butler who is secretly an heir." Who starts out with loyal dog behavior. A little highly possesive master and servant play. Then rises to become a Duke. Presumably? That is when I die. Or am disowned.

Death is most likely. Since my role was "minor antagonist" and I was to be mean to the sweet, earnest, Harem possessing Protagonist. Don't see WHY I would. Live and let live. Good for her etc etc. But regardless? Best to avoid, just in case.

The problem? Who do you think Mr Illegitimate Heir serves before she gets here? The OTHER possible heirs? Of course not! They'd "oops! Hunting accident~☆" him in a heart beat. Father isn't stupid. And my sisters? Issues. Violent, violent, issues.

He ends up with ME.

Father, WHY.

Obviously, I ignore him. I see nothing. I hear nothing. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Mmmmm, tea. Good book. Ignore his creepy staring. His creepy, creepy staring.

Thankfully? I never really ran out of Totally Legitimate reasons to send him away to learn or do something. Proper tea making. Door maintenance. Eastern embroidery. Something, anything, and off you go! Bye bye~☆!

Unfortunately. He got faster. Better and better at learning. Mastering skills. Coming BACK. Showing up to stand in the corner, silent and looming, like an omen of death. Those damn eyes. The fucking family eyes!

I don't have them. And NOT as, my Father would have me believe, because I "take after my Mother". But because I am not genetically related to the Duke. I have GOLD eyes. When I wear the right shade of green? I pass. So I am condemned to forever wear green. Don't even really like it much. But?

I am pretty damn sure? I was just... pretty.

A lovely, orphaned, golden eyed child that COULD pass as his. So why not? It was a whim that payed off. Unlike in the original stories, I imagine. Since I am by FAR the best behaved child in this entire house. Ha! Suck it, bio-kids, the adopted one's the favorite! Maybe should have been less lil bitchs.

....I carefully do not say.

Those are INSIDE thoughts.

Fuck. He's still LOOMING. Isn't he? Go awaaaaaay. Where is Protag-chan? Come be doe eyed and busty! Trip adorably! Go "kyaaa~" or something! I feel body heat and freeze. He's leaning over my shoulder to pick up the teapot, pour me another cup. I can FEEL the barest graze of his knuckles against my back, from where he's gripped my chair. The smell of his aftershave almost hauntingly pleasant.

Like he KNEW exactly what smells I liked most. Went out of his way to find one that best suited my preference. Coincidence. Please, PLEASE be a coincidence! I do not turn my head. Keep my eyes locked straight ahead. Barely breathing.

He steps back.

The new pot is sharp and herbal. Almost bitter. I force myself to drink. Can't see a sugar dish, and REFUSE to turn around and ask for one. Ignore. IGNORE. My pounding heart calms. My muscles slowly start to relax.

It... it IS weird, though, now that I think about it? That Protag-chan hasn't reached the Dukedom yet. She should have. God only knows I sent Creepy to the capital enough times, with enough highly specific instructions, that he should've had his meet cute's and dates by the dozen. Been half way in love. So... why...?

Huh.

Dizzy.

The taste of tea sits wrong on my tounge. I stop drinking as the world sways. Letting the cup fall from my hand. Splatter, roll, and shatter. I try desperately to stand. A gentle gloved hand catches my elbow, supporting me. I turn. Giddy eyes. Triumphant, wide, spring green eyes. Too green to be gold, too gold to be green.

An almost cruel, mocking, yet loving grin.

Another hand slides around my waist, braces me against his side. Gleeful little murmurs, too pleased to be reassuring. You. You did this! You DRUGGED ME!

I can barely move, body relaxing against my command, going limp, as he draws me close. Presses his face against the side of my head, against my temple. A deep, shuddering breathe, that he savors like wine. I try to pull free but can not. Feel his lips pull into a vicious grin against my skin. Hands begin to run in gentle, claiming, exploration.

And at last the drugs kick in... the wo..rld..

G..oes..

Dar..k........

[celestialtarot11]

What your loved one wants you to know 🤍

Hi friends! Today we’ll be doing a reading for what your loved one wants you to know :) this doesn’t have to necessarily be romantic! Please enjoy and feel free to like comment and reblog this post 🤍 hope all of you have been doing well! Happy picking!

Pile 1: “I am always connected with you, even in spirit,” I received the two of cups & two of pentacles for you pile 1 🥺 Whoever this is to you, I really feel like they adore you. Even if they aren’t physically with you, they feel your energy all of the time and watch over you. Even if this person did not pass on, maybe they’re at work and they think of you and they feel this warmth in their chest for you. And I also feel that their higher self is in connection with yours, regardless if they’re on this earthly realm or not, they do guide you and help you. They really do care for you and I heard “awesome connection,” 😂 they seem to be a bit of a goofball, cute. But deep down this person loves getting entangled with your energy and even if they have passed on, they still watch over you to make sure you’re safe and all is well. If this is someone romantic, they really do love being in your presence, and love everything you are. Your energy, your charisma, your emotional intelligence. They are very drawn to that. And if this is someone who passed, I almost feel they replay those memories you two spent together, its like a movie for them. Im getting this could be a very close friend, best friend, but if not thats okay 🤍 take the message as it resonates! Im getting this connection was/is very special to you and them, and I feel they definitely admire your kindness. Its like they think: how’d I end up with a friend like you? A person like you? They really admire your intelligence. I also saw 10:10 as I’m typing this 🥺 then my wifi crapped out lol. So I’m retyping it. But! The show must go on lol. I feel this person is adamant regardless of any delay or issues, they want to get through to you. They wanna talk to you even in spirit 🤍 I also don’t know if you and this person used to meet at a beach, or you and them lived by a beach, or went to travel there. Im just getting this feeling that you and them loved to go there. thanks sm pile 1 for being here! Feel free to like comment and reblog your thoughts its always appreciated!

Pile 2: Heya pile 2! Grab a snack and lets begin 🪽🤍 your person is a giver. They just wanna make sure you’re safe, financially, mentally & emotionally. They dont want something hurting you or taking away your peace. Its possible who you’re asking about could be a caregiver in your eyes, a parent, guardian, grandfather/grandmother. If not! Thats okay, please take this as it resonates but whoever this is just radiates teddy bear energy 😮‍💨 but fierce! This person has a message for you to not worry and the money will come in the right time, and everything is falling into place as it should. Something about : “it has to break down before it can begin” so old structures in your life could be falling apart, causing you to feel stressed. And then this person is here and they’re helping you whether its through spirit, or physically. I feel like they’re a rock, and they’re solid. You guys might be experiencing mental fog, and this person whether they are alive or not, their presence is helping you to think clearly. In a way, they want you to feel guided spiritually to make the best choices for you. They really want to see you empowered and being your best self, not for others but so you can really live in the moment of: “wish fulfilled,” this person is a protector! This could be a guide as well for some of you and not necessarily a human being 🤍 thats okay! Like a spirit guide! For everyone it’ll be different. But this person is closely watching you to make sure you’re doing well & if you need their help you can always ask. Whether it be in real life or through spirit. Ask for some help. They got your back, thats what they want you to know always. Thanks sm pile 2 for being here! Your presence means a lot to me. I hope you liked this and feel free to like reblog and comment! 🤍🪽

Pile 3: Hi there pile 3! I got the 8 of wands, 4 of cups for you! 🥰 Right away there’s something about you feel distant or detached from spirituality or your inner development as of recent. Its possible life got in the way of going inward and caring for yourself, but this person or spirit guide is wanting you to know that its safe to go inward. Throughout the chaos its okay to take a second and relax. I also see they want you to take some alone time to process a situation or situations that unfolded in your life. Maybe you’re working through some trauma and this guide/person is wanting you to sit with those feelings, even if it is uncomfortable. Their message: its more so about feeling those feelings and giving yourself permission, not necessarily pushing them away or looking for a distraction. This person could be into psychology, self help or philosophy! Just to help identify them lol. But this person/ spirit guide (it could be different for many of you) is urging you to find peace and calm. Its likely this person could even invite you to just sit in quiet and cuddle? Depending on who you’re asking about, I just feel like this person would be like: “come over here” and cuddle 😭 so sweet. I feel like they know you’re going through a lot. Im hearing someone’s timer go off and I almost feel like you’re bombarded with day to day busy stuff. They want to take your attention (kindly) away from that so you can relax. They just want to extend their safe energy to you so you can rest, so sweet 🥺 pls take care of yourself pile 3! I just feel this person wants to swoop you and wrap you in a burrito blanket to keep you from working lol. I can totally see them putting on a movie and making popcorn and saying: “nope. No work right now. Just you and me.” And if this is a spirit guide! Regardless of having someone or not they still want you to make time for the things you love, without needing to justify it. You dont need to do big things all the time. Big adult things. Just be! 😭🤍 thanks sm pile 3! I hope you have a wonderful one and please like comment and reblog to help this blog grow 🥺🤍 tysm!

Paid readings 🤍

Thanks sm to everyone for reading and being here! Im working on uploads and getting things moving forward again! Astro posts will be coming in the future when I’ve got my schedule down. I really hope this post helped yall get clarity. I know in the tarot community theres a whole lot of romance, and not enough room for platonic connections, so I wanna be the one to include that too. Love yall 🤍 -D

[stealingyourbones]

Submitted Prompts #145

*hands you a fox skull I found in the woods while walking to work*

You know the classic Tattoo Artist AU right?

Now imagine it's Everlasting Trio opening a tattoo parlor together.

They can all do a bit of everything, but Danny specializes in the actual tattoo art part of it, Tucker is their cashier and designer, and Sam does the piercings.

Then one day, in walks one Bruce Wayne, on his journey to learn how to Be Batman, coming to ask Maddie Fenton to teach him all she knows, and, in his downtime between training sessions, ends up being invited on several dates by her son and his awesome partners.

When he feels like he has learned all he could here, Bruce goes with a summoning sygil in his pocket, three new numbers on his phone he calls regularly, and several pieces of art on his body created by each one of the Trio.

Fun part of having the Ghost of Time owe you favors? You can ask him to put up a Time Out so you can visit your Beloved even when he's training with a group as dangerous as the League of Assassins.

Years later, and amidst moving shop to Gotham, Danny Sam and Tucker gets a phone call from a very panicked Bruce Wayne asking how to parent a suddenly-orphaned kid with anger issues.

Dick Grayson, orphan hell-bent on delivering Justice ( and some murder) to his parents' killer, wakes up to suddenly having 4 parents, a strict but loving grandpa, and a sister who's the very personification of Mischief (something something Ghost shenanigans. I'm thinking Ellie didn't age any further until her chronological age caught up with her biological age).

Gotham comes to learn two things then:

Bruce Wayne isn't the innocent prince everyone thinks he is, even if the Brucie persona still has them convinced he's a lucky himbo, if an adventurous one.

And

Stars have mercy on your soul if you go after Robin. Not much gets Phantom out of retirement, but hurting the little bird will get you a Very Angry Parent capable of delivering nightmares to the front step of your mind.

Unfortunately, because I'm a sucker for drama, Jason still dies, but Phantom and Batman are right behind him and holding him as he goes out, the angry screeching and sounds of violence on clownkind accompanying B's gentle affirmations of love (hey, what better way to make use of your kingly diplomatic immunity than to brutally murder another "diplomat" for hurting your son? :D ).

The Pit Rage gets Bad as it always does, but Talia can't get it into Jason's mind that Bruce abandoned him. How could she, when his last memories were of his parents delivering Justice and love in his name?

Red Hood doesn't last a day in Gotham. It was inevitable that someone would recognize him, but he really should've expected the literal ghost to recognize his soul and immediately launch himself at him screeching like a Stressed Parent Bird and alerting the rest of the polycule to the presence of their missing bird.

[prettyrealm]

a message from the universe 🌌

pick a card #2: sometimes we can all use a bit of direction! here’s what the universe wants you to shift your focus to and what you should work on to improve your overall quality of life 🌼

how to participate:

🌤️ ask yourself "what should I focus on?" “what should I put more energy into?”

🌷pick the spring sanrio plush that you feel most drawn to.

clear your mind & take as long as you need to choose. keep in mind that you may feel drawn to & choose more than one. you also may not feel drawn to any of them, so don't force it! please consider your headspace before participating as these readings will be honest. the piles are in order from left to right.

🌸 pile 1

there’s something you’re in denial about and the universe wants you to know it’s best you summon the courage to come to terms with it. it’s time you try to acknowledge these issues now to overcome them and not carry this weight with you. be honest about yourself, your intentions and others. I feel this may have to do with someone trying to take something away from you that’s rightly yours, or the give-and-take dynamic of this situation is denying you of achieving your goals. there is no balance - you may be giving more to this person or project than you receive and your resentment is growing. you may even find yourself giving without true genuine compassion, now carrying a “you owe me.” mindset that only stresses you out. facing the reality of this situation, acknowledging it and making a change will bring very good things to you, and very soon at that. you may have gone through a time of hardship, but things are settling and the universe wants you to know that big and positive changes can and will come into your life be it you follow direction. release your fears. you are ready.

💐 pile 2

the universe wants you to know bright new prospects have opened up! you have and will be making immense progress towards your goals - big strides. you may have felt super optimistic lately and this isn’t for no reason, things will be looking up for you. you have nothing to fear. it is time for you to put trust in the universe and in yourself, something amazing is in store for you and you may even feel like a miracle is unfolding before your very eyes. the only downfall is a bit of conflict may appear before you get here - strife and conflict - prepare for battle, but no worries, you will come out on top. this competition will bring out your passion and show your commitment and may even cause others to admire you more for it. don’t be petty, fight fairly and stay honest. seek true understanding. this small hiccup aside, your desires are manifesting, and your new life is on its way.

(note: if you’re someone who has been trying for a child I can assure you it’s coming soon!)

☁️ pile 3

the universe wants you to look forward to new friends, a new environment and seeking knowledge. important things will be happening soon and you may need to prepare for a change in your relationships. you are being told you need to rid yourself of problems and memories you dwell on from the recent past and practice forgiveness. focus on the changes you and others are making to usher in and happily welcome this new change of scenery. moving past the trails you’ve faced will only strengthen your connection and appreciation for your family members. the universe also wants you to practice and strengthen your powers of reason, stop letting emotion cloud your judgement and make your decisions for you. come to solutions without blaming people, playing the victim or projecting. you’re being given the power to think more clearly and objectively at this time to make the changes to your life that you need, so use it. should you listen to the universe, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders and a sense of freedom will wash over you.

🐣 pile 4

the universe wants you to know your problems are or will be resolved! expect an end or at least an extended break from whatever adversaries you’ve been facing recently. the waters are nice and clear from here on out so feel safe jumping on any opportunity that arises - and they will. whatever your desires may be, the door to obtaining them will be opening up soon. it appears many doors have actually opened for you in the past, but you never took the chance. it’s likely you didn’t realize these opportunities were MEANT for you, but it’s time you stop taking them for granted and start receiving. all the universe asks is that you stop taking things for granted and appreciate what you have. count your blessings, maybe even start a gratitude journal. pay attention to the way you move and your influence on others, be kinder, more responsible and more sweet to those who aid you every day. do not bite the hand that feeds you, and opportunities and gifts will begin to shower you.

🦋 pile 5

the universe is asking you to look to an older male figure in your life. he’s looking out for you and he has the skills and connections that you need at this time. he will be very responsive if you ask for help and expect nothing in return, genuinely wanting the best for you. he is very well-educated and will help push you along on your path, but also provide you with valuable information that will greatest help you in the future. do not take his help for granted and make sure to show your appreciation along the way, this will strengthen the connection and only help you in the long term. you are being asked to relax and relinquish your burdens, accept this assistance and allow the weight to be lifted from your shoulders. you may be extremely stressed recently and these are all things that will help you relieve that stress, but also push you closer to your desires. spend this time day dreaming about, fantasizing about and visualizing what you want for your future.

🐝 pile 6

the universe wants to let you know that you’re on your way to perfecting your craft and rewards will so be yours as a result of your proficiency and hard work! I do see you need to work on getting more information before you make any big decisions. research throughly, consult with others, get a lot of data even if that means as far as going to seminars or watching online lectures. this aside, success and glory is on the horizon! life might feel pretty good right now, but there’s even more joy and happiness in store for you. the universe wants you to step out of your comfort zone, push the limits and stop playing it safe - you’ve been restricted for too long. do not fall victim to close minded thinking, moving off of assumptions and negative history. try to think from a new perspective and don’t get stuck in a loop of bad thought patterns. free yourself.

[vbecker10]

This might be an odd request, but could you please write a Loki x disabled!reader fic where the reader has Functional Neurologic Disorder and is having a really bad brain fog day? Like they can’t remember what someone two seconds ago kinda bad? I know it’s very specific but I never get to see my disability portrayed anywhere so I thought I’d give it a shot. Thanks for your consideration❤️

Don't Forget

Pairing: Loki x female/disabled reader (Y/N) - established relationship

Summary: You and Loki have been together just over a year and you moved into his apartment three weeks ago. He has been on a mission for the last five days and you are determined to make his homecoming special since it is the first time he's been away since you started living together. Unfortunately, you've been so busy and stressed trying to get things ready that you're FND symptoms become worse and you worry they will ruin your plans.

Background Info: Female reader has Functional Neurologic Disorder (FND) with the following symptoms - numbness / temporary paralysis in legs which requires the intermittent use of a wheelchair, light sensitivity, heat intolerance and memory issues. I know that these are not all of the symptoms of FND and there are several types and degrees of severity but these are the symptoms I included based on the request.

A/N: @fallingfastfailingfaster thank you so much for this request! I really really hope you like it! 💚💚

You turn off your alarm and reach over for Loki but his side of the bed is still empty. You sigh but quickly remember he will finally be home later today. A smile spreads across your lips, it's been five lonely nights and you can't wait to see him again.

You throw off your sheets and realize, much to your disappointment, that you can't feel your legs. They are completely numb and unresponsive when you try to move them. The muscles in your legs had been weak last night but you hoped they would be better this morning even though you know that isn't how it works. You groan as you sit up, today is not the day you want to deal with this. You reach for your wheelchair which thankfully you placed nearby last night and transfer yourself before heading out of the bedroom.

You roll into the living area and turn the lights on then quickly turn them off again as they instantly hurt your eyes. They seem far too bright this morning so you decide you'll just have to do without them. Pulling open the curtains instead, you let the morning light in then head to the kitchen to make yourself some coffee because coffee makes everything better.

When you roll over the threshold into the kitchen you pause. The green glow of Loki's seidr travels through the kitchen and you smile, watching it transform the room. The base cabinets become shorter, enabling the countertops and appliances to lower to an accessible height. The sink cabinet reconfigures so you can roll your chair under it to use it better. All of the handles on the upper cabinets lower so you can reach them without stretching as far, they already have a shelf system which allows you to pull them down so you can grab what you need.

You sit back while the kitchen renovates itself and remember the first morning after you moved in with Loki.

-----------------------------------

You needed to use your wheelchair since you were exhausted from moving and he was shocked by how difficult it was for you to use the kitchen. He asked if you would prefer he had the kitchen adjusted by Stark's team of contractors but you told him no.

"You're too tall to use the kitchen if you lower everything so I can use it," you told him as you struggled to reach the toaster which was pushed against the back splash.

He moved it towards you then smirked, "You figured out my master plan."

You laughed and said, "I forgot who I was talking to for a minute. What master plan does the great God of Mischief have now?"

"To avoid doing the dishes ever again by making it nearly impossible for me to use the kitchen properly," he chuckled. He leaned down and kissed your cheek lightly.

You shook your head but couldn't hide your smile, telling him, "That is a horrible plan."

You reminded him that you wouldn't always need to use your wheelchair so redoing the kitchen permanently might not be very helpful to either of you. He had thought it over for a few hours, digging through some of his old books before he finally found a spell he could adjust slightly for the perfect solution.

-----------------------------------

You reach the coffeemaker easily and turn it on then go back to your bedroom to get dressed for work. Half an hour later you pick up your bag from the coffee table and head to the front door. Your attention catches on the small sign you hung by the door. One of your oldest friends gave it to you as a joke when you moved in.

"Keys," you say out loud as you jingle them in your hand. "Wallet, phone, tablet," you read off the next items as you double check your bag on your lap. "Coffee," you read the next item, "Ahh crap!" You return to the kitchen to find your coffee lukewarm at best, still sitting in the coffeemaker. You sigh and check the clock on the stove, thankfully you still have enough time to make a second cup.

You put a lid on the cold coffee and place it in the fridge, deciding you'll have ice coffee tomorrow. You grab a post-it note from the side of the fridge and write 'ice coffee' in large letters hoping you'll see it when you are getting ready tomorrow. You put it between the note reminding you to pick up the cupcakes at 2PM and a picture of you and Loki in the park.

You smile at the picture, it was one of the first you took together when you started dating just over a year ago. Your memory for little daily tasks may be worse than terrible some days but thankfully you could remember every second you spent with him.

You pull yourself away from the memory and head towards the door again, ready to leave for work. Reaching for the knob, you suddenly you remember why you had gone back into the kitchen in the first place and rub your temples in annoyance. You head back to the kitchen and sit in front of the coffeemaker, afraid if you look away for even a second you will forget it once more.

You head straight to Agent Hill's office when you get to the floor where you with. You remind her that you will only be working until noon since Loki is arriving around 4PM.

"Are you sure you want to work today?" she asks, looking at your chair and not you. "If you're not feeling well, you can take the day off."

"I'm fine," you assure your boss. If you took off every day you didn't feel 100%, you would work around five days a year.

"You have plenty of sick time," she continues to insist you aren't well enough to work. You fight to not roll your eyes, just because you needed help getting around today didn't mean you were suddenly incapable of working.

"I told you, I'm fine," you repeat, keeping your voice even. Before she can respond, you take your tablet out of your bag and ask her, "You need the paperwork for case file X-176 and H-778 today right? The rest can wait until tomorrow, I think." You check your notes to make sure you get all your work in before you need to leave for the day.

"Yes, just those two files," she answers. "But like I said, if you need the day-"

"I'll have them to you soon," you promise then turn your chair away from her, not allowing room for her to make another comment.

You sigh when you close the door but only a second later you run into another annoying problem. Steve and Sam are walking down the hall in the direction of your office and you know the second you make eye contact with Steve what he is going to do.

"Good morning, Y/N," he says in his typically cheerful voice as he grabs onto the handles of your wheelchair.

"Hi Steve, hi Sam," you greet them both. "You don't need to do that," you tell Steve for the hundredth time.

"Its not a problem," he answers then continues his conversation with Sam as if you are simply an object he is moving. You know he means well but every time he does this, your mind returns to a post you saw on Pinterest a few years ago. It showed how to install small plastic spikes onto your handles so people can't just grab them and push you around. Nothing made you feel less independent then having someone just roll you around without even interacting with you.

Thankfully Loki never does that. He always asks if you want or need his help before touching your chair, he has never assumed you can't do things by yourself. He knows you are fiercely independent and he always supports you, it is one of the many, many things you love about him.

You rest your head on one hand with your elbow on the desk, hoping your headache will go away before Loki gets home. It started pounding as soon as you closed the door to your office this morning and hasn't let up.

Your office is the same temperature as always but you fell like it is ninety degrees. You drink another sip of water and close your eyes for a moment, feeling your heart beating faster. Wiping away a bit of sweat from your forehead, you ask J.A.R.V.I.S what the temperature in the room is for the fifth or sixth time. Again, it tells you the room is seventy degrees but your body doesn't believe it. You roll to the window near your desk and open it as much as you can reach to try and let the breeze in.

Your alarm goes off a half an hour later and you look at it curiously, wondering why you set it. When you check the message attached to the alarm you smile, your done for the day finally and Loki will be back in a few hours. You check your email for a third time to make sure you sent Agent Hill the two case files that were due today and shut down your computer.

Thankfully your memory issues weren't an issue when it came to doing your work today. You had notes and reminders all over your desk and computer so you wouldn't miss a step. Loki had suggested you write out your whole process one day when your memory wasn't so foggy and it was incredibly helpful for days like today.

You leave your office and make your way back to your apartment, luckily avoiding Steve or anyone else who wanted to be helpful. You decide to get changed quick before heading out to run your errands, the final task of the day is to pick up the cupcakes you ordered.

Loki has a substantial sweet tooth and the bakery you ordered from is special to you both. It was only a few blocks from the Tower and it was his favorite one in the city. He had taken you there after you saw a movie on your first date, sharing pastries and talking until closing. You surprised Loki with a treat from there a few weeks later when he came back from a short mission to Russia. It quickly become a tradition, whenever Loki came home after being away for a week or longer, you would pick up something for him from there.

He would sometimes bring you one of your favorite pastries and a small bunch of flowers when you were having an especially rough time with your FND. You really appreciated the way he would try and make you smile no matter how badly you were feeling.

Even though Loki had been gone less than a week, you still wanted to surprise him tonight. Since it was the first time he had left since you moved in together, it felt like something you wanted to celebrate. You had planned on making a home cooked meal as well. It was hard not to laugh at how eloquently he complained about the food SHIELD provided when he was on a mission.

You get off the bus at the grocery store and try not to be too annoyed. It is always such a pain to take public transportation with your wheelchair but what was really bothering you was that you should have done this errand already. You had meant to grocery shop two days ago, when you had the day off from work but you got distracted doing your laundry and other things. By the time you remembered that you were supposed to pick up the ingredients to make dinner, it was too late to go out.

You wait on the long line with your basket of groceries resting on your lap, thinking about the last time you came shopping here with Loki.

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"No, that one," you giggled and pointed to the cereal on the very top shelf.

"This one specifically?" he asked and you nodded when he grabed the box without having to stretch at all.

"You are so useful," you told him when he added it to the cart he was pushing. You rolled next to him down the aisle.

"I knew you were only keeping me around because of my height," he joked then kissed the top of your head.

"Its not the only reason," you smiled up at him. "But it's definitely on the list."

"Speaking of," he paused. "Is this everything that was on the list?"

"I'm not sure," you admitted with a frown when you glanced into the partially full cart. You had left the list on the kitchen counter with your reusable bags, of course.

He took your hand and said, "Take your time."

You bit your lip and looked at the cart, trying to compare it to the list you had written while eating breakfast. "Something is missing," you felt sure of it. Loki stood quietly with you, not rushing you while you thought. "Eggs," you looked up at him excitedly when it finally popped into your head.

He smiled, "To the eggs." He followed you to the back of the store, as he had three times previously that trip, never once complaining.

-----------------------------------

You smile to yourself, still thinking about Loki, as the line finally moves. He is one of the few people you know who has never made you feel stupid or annoying for not being able to remember things. You told him once when you first started dating that you couldn't stand it when people treated you as if you weren't smart because of your memory issues and it hurt. Since then, he has always encouraged you to find the missing piece yourself first and only fills in the blanks if you ask him to.

You put the finishing touches on the lasagna and slide into the oven as your phone chimes on the counter. You pick it up and see a text from Loki telling you he's back. The smile on your face fades quickly as you realize this means you had lost track of time. You had hoped to meet him at the landing pad, you wanted to see him the minute he was home. Apparently you set up your alarm to remind you to go down and meet him, but you forgot to turn it on.

A few minutes later you hear the front door unlock and you wheel yourself into the living area to greet him. He opens the door and immediately bends down to kiss you, wrapping you in a tight hug. When he finally releases you from his hold he smiles and says, "I've missed you so much."

"I missed you too," you look up at him, you couldn't be happier to have him home.

He walks back towards the door to hang up his bag then turns on the lights without thinking. You instantly raise your hand to cover your eyes and look down as the over head light feels painfully bright. "I'm sorry," he says quickly, noticing your discomfort. He comes to your side and waves his hand, dimming the lights. "Tell me when it is okay, sweetheart," he says.

You lower your hand slightly and when it no longer hurts you tell him, "That's perfect, thanks."

He kisses your cheek and then asks, "How you are feeling?" He moves towards the couch and you follow him.

"Have the lights been bothering you all day as well?" his tone is a mixture of concern and curiosity.

"I'm fine," you answer but he raises his eyebrow and tilts his head, you know he wants the truth and not what you tell everyone else. You admit you are having a rough day, "When I woke up I couldn't use my legs at all and my memory is absolutely gone today."

You push yourself onto the couch next to Loki and he shifts so his arm is around you. "Yeah, I didn't even turn them on what I got to my office. It felt like the room was on fire today too, it gave me such a headache," you tell him.

"I'm sorry you didn't feel well today," he runs his fingers through your hair slowly. "Have you been pushing yourself too hard?" he asks and you shrug, not looking at him. "I know you want to do everything but you need to remember to rest." You nod and he pulls you closer.

"-and then I told Thor that if he wasn't on the jet in the next two minutes, I was going to have them take off without him," Loki chuckles.

"You did not threaten to leave your brother in Siberia," you put your hand over your mouth.

"I had been away from you long enough," he smiles and you lean towards him, kissing his cheek. His smiles vanishes and he looks into the kitchen, "Is something burning?"

You turn to look towards the kitchen, "Oh no! Did I forget to set the timer?"

He gets up quickly and shuts off the oven before opening it and freeing a cloud of black smoke. Your heart sinks as you get back in your chair and go to the kitchen. He puts the charred remains of your lasagna in the sink and waves off the smoke so the fire alarm doesn't go off.

"I can't believe I ruined it," you look down.

Loki kneels in front of you and touches your shoulder gently, "I'm sorry, I know how hard you worked on that." You fight to hold back tears and he says, "It's okay, darling. We can order take out tonight, have a bit of dessert and watch a movie. This weekend you can show me how you make your famous lasagna."

All of a sudden you feel a tightness in your chest, "I forgot to go to the bakery." You begin to lose the battle to hold back your tears. "I burnt dinner, I messed up getting a dessert, I couldn't even get myself together to go down and see you when you got off the jet," you look down as the first tear slips down your cheek. "I wanted to make your first homecoming since we moved in together special but it's ruined because of my stupid, useless memory," you cry.

He leans towards you and you wrap your arms around him, resting your face on his shoulder. He rubs your back slowly and quietly says, "My homecoming is not ruined." You look at him and he smiles, wiping the tears from your cheeks. "I can't tell you how loved it makes me feel knowing how much effort you put into tonight," he tells you.

"Even if it was a total disaster?" you ask.

"Even then," he risks his answer and you breath a small laugh. "I know you are upset about dinner and dessert, but I'm just glad to be home with you." You nod and lock eyes with Loki, he smiles and strokes your cheek gently. "Your memory is..."

"Garbage?" you suggest.

"I was going to say 'not the best'," he shakes his head but you smile a bit.

"But garbage works," you joke, feeling slightly better.

"Will you be quiet and let me try to be romantic for a moment?" he laughs and you pretend to zip your mouth closed. He sighs and starts again, "Your memory is not the best, we can both agree on that, but I never want you to forget how much I love you. You are smart and beautiful and strong, pushing through each day even when you are in pain or your body fights you. You are the most amazing woman in the nine realms and I am so lucky to be able to call you mine."

You smile as Loki talks and when he finishes you pull him to you, kissing him deeply. "I love you too," you tell him. After a moment, he sits back and you wipe away the last remaining tears.

"I have an idea," he says. "I think you need more triggers for your memory."

"What do you mean?" you ask.

He points over your shoulder towards the door as he answers, "You haven't forgotten your keys once since you put that up."

"That was just a joke," you tell him.

"But it works," he responds.

You sit on the couch as Loki unpacks the Chinese takeout onto the coffee table. "Are you sure you're okay with doing all of this to your apartment?" you ask when he hands you a pair of chopsticks.

"Y/N, this is your home now too," he reminds you gently. "I want you to feel comfortable here and I want it to work for you, however you need it to." You kiss his cheek and he smiles.

After the two of you finish eating, you begin thinking of ways to adjust your new home to suit you better. Loki asks J.A.R.V.I.S to reprogram all of the lights to be on dimmer settings so you can still use them when you're light sensitivity is acting up. He has the program automatically ask you to set timers or reminders for all of the appliances in the kitchen, including the coffeemaker. A few hours later, you are both tired and decide any other changes can be made in the morning or as you think of them.

He helps you into bed and you push yourself onto his chest so he can hold you. He runs his fingers up and down your back lightly and you close your eyes. "I'm so glad your home," you tell him in a quiet voice.

"So am I," he replies, kissing your forehead. "Don't forget, I love you."

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚 Please let me know if you want to be added to my taglist!

@soubi001 @mochie85 @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @icytrickster17 @lokisgoodgirl @mischief2sarawr @stupidthoughtsinwriting @mjsthrillernp @holdmytesseract @lulubelle814 @goblingirlsarah @alexakeyloveloki @siconetribal @lokidokieokie @kneelingformyloki @jiyascepter @eleniblue @loreniscrying @muddyorbsblr @alyeskathewave @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @javagirl328 @princess-ofthe-pages @morally-grey-variant @soulpiercing @km-ffluv

[cy-cyborg]

I've seen my new GP twice now, and omg I didn't realise how bad things were with my previous one until now. Like I knew it was bad, but having someone who actually listens and cares to contrast to makes the shitty treatment stand out so much more. Some of the highlights:

My memory isn't great, so my partner wrote out a full report of what had been happening with a list of symptoms and a timeline of the most recent events, as well as printed versions of whatever tests results we could get before we arrived. Id summerised it at the top because every doctor id been to never reads what i give them, even when its from other doctors, but he read all of it, and asked clarifying questions as he did to make sure we were on the same page.

He actually read what little bits of my medical history had access to (while I've never seen this doctor before, I attended this clinic as a child, which was when most of the stuff associated with my primary disability was happening, so he could see that) and agreed that there is almost certainly something chronic going on that he will gladly investigate once the immediate issue is dealt with.

The fact I was autistic came up at some point, and I explained that I'm not formally diagnosed. My current psychologist and one other has done all the testing they can and they were both very confident I am autistic, but we can't get the formal diagnosis without a review from a neuropsyc because of something in my history, and I don't have the money to do that. My autistic traits are in my medical files but they're incorrectly attributed to something else. He was incredibly understanding of that and told me not to stress about the diagnosis (unless i want to, in which case he said hed support me from his end if he can) and asked if I could get something from my psychologist to explain how this might effect my treatment (not noticing symptoms, not being able to articulate problems consistently etc) so he knows what additional support I might need in the clinic.

He admitted to not knowing things, and told me how he was going to go about fixing that gap in his knowledge before my next appointment. For example, He admitted to never having a trans patient before, but that he's going to do some research on his own time to learn what he needs to do to be a better Dr for me.

He asked me to get some scans from a previous hospital stay, and picked up that I was hesitant. mum was with me and explained my auditory processing issues and how it makes communicating via phone hard. he told me not to stress and said he can get the receptionist to do it with my concent.

A lot of these aren't big things, but they make the world of difference when you have a complex medical history and its so refreshing just to feel heard after all this

[dark-audit]

Things I wish more writers understood about PTSD

Traumatic events don't always lead to PTSD. Two people can experience the exact same traumatic event, and one can go to work the next day shaken up but otherwise alright, while the other still has trouble functioning normally two years down the line. This is a fact that's been studied to death in psychology, but we're still no closer to figuring out why this discrepancy exists. So no, that character who experienced a very traumatic event and wasn't traumatized to your liking wasn't actually 'unrealistic'; they just didn't live up to your preconception of how trauma is supposed to effect people.

There is no flaw or 'weakness' in a person's temprament or personality construction that will make them more likely to develop PTSD, and likewise, people who don't develop PTSD are not inherently 'tougher'. PTSD is not the kind of illness you can blame on the person who suffers from it; human beings are more complicated than that. Furthermore, people who don't develop PTSD from a traumatic event exist, in fact they're very common, and while they don't develop that precise, largely arbitrary set of symptoms, they are still likely to be deeply affected by the event/s. Their experiences are no less real than those of their counterparts.

Sometimes, a person who experienced a traumatic even didn't develop PTSD afterwards - because they already had it. There are lots of people who go into therapy following a traumatic event only to discover they've been experiencing the symptoms of PTSD for years, following a previous unrelated traumatic event. This is especially common for people who had C-PTSD beforehand. Since PTSD can often manifest in very subtle ways, and since people are likely to 'mask' symptoms as a way to keep judgement or prying at bay, this scenario is not particularly uncommon.

PTSD doesn't always develop immediately following the traumatic event. PTSD can take any amount of time to develop. For most people, it takes around 3 months for symptoms to appear, but for a lot of people, the symptoms of PTSD do not appear for many months, even years after the event/s. This usually has something to do with the memory issues that can arise after trauma, and also might be affected by how a person conceptualizes the 'threat level' over time.

People with PTSD are not 'broken'; people with PTSD can be treated. Human beings aren't inanimate objects; we're living beings, graced with this incredible ability to adapt, grow and change. While there is no 'cure' for PTSD, there are loads of types of psychotherapy and medications that help to alleviate symptoms, and many people with this disorder are able to live fulfilling lives despite the diagnosis. Recovery is never out of the question, no matter how severe a person's symptoms might be. PTSD or not, I for one have yet to encounter anyone I would ever consider irrevocably 'broken'.

People with PTSD don't all experience the same symptoms. I feel like it needs to be said, because there is a bit of a 'type' in fiction, isn't there? And this can be incredibly disheartening to read for someone whose PTSD doesn't align with the way it is constantly shown to 'normally' manifest. In reality, PTSD is a very complex disorder, which might express itself in a wide breadth of different ways, and people handle their symptoms using a wide breadth of different methods. You'd be hard pressed to find two people who are completely alike in this regard.

Perpetrators of violence are just as likely to develop PTSD as their victims. This is one of those things I learned though my torture research escapades, and I've found it applies to other violent crimes as well, such as violent assault and murder. It's not a particularly nice fact to know if you want to maintain your straightforward good-vs-evil worldview, but alas, the real world is grim and complicated. There is actually a name for this type of PTSD, and it is Participation-Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PI-PTSD), or perpetrator trauma. PTSD does not discriminate, and you're not safe from it just because you're not on the recieving end.

People with PTSD aren't automatically more violent. I don't know why this myth has to be so prominent with every single mental illness ever, but like, yeah, its not true for this one either.

[furiousgoldfish]

On effortless recovery (personal)

I've been slowly dealing with cptsd and osdd for the last 8 years, and while I've had to actively work on some stuff, other have just happened without my interference, or at least, without me knowing I did anything about it. I have not been to therapy; or rather, there's been several attempts that were not working, and I had to end them. For instance, I've had therapy with someone who showed next to no interest in my issues and kept minimizing and ignoring whatever I've been saying, and this was the only person who didn't try to institutionalize me.

I've had to actively work on osdd, and it's something I'm learning about, and understand more as I go, but I also get that osdd is making everything else much easier on me. For instance, lots of my memories and thoughts are being blocked from me, and contained in alters who are making sure that I'm not affected by it, that is a huge help. Lots of thoughts that would upset me if I thought about them, are completely out of my reach, and if I do try to think about them, my mind goes blank and I forgot what I was thinking about. That's a great help for issues like anxiety and spiraling; I used to drown in my own fears and worries; now I just can't remember any of it. It is slightly depressing that my own peace of mind requires that big amount of amnesia, but you know, having some peace is so nice I could never be anything less than grateful for it. Being able to maintain some semblance of peace feels like resiliency, it means I have a place of quiet where I can go back to, even when distressing things happen.

I'm having my chronic pain and chronic exhaustion ease away from me very slowly. I still get exhausted easily, and am tired way more often than a regular person, but I now rarely get days when I can't get out of bed, or have to sacrifice a whole week due to a flashback or a nightmare. I no longer get anxious about planning to do something a day or two ahead because I can count on having at least a basic amount of energy. I don't think I've done anything to create this, it was just happening over the years, on its own. It's also happening so slowly that I don't even feel the progress, I have to remember to look 3 or 5 years back and remember just how much time I've been spending in bed then, to realize that it's less now, that I can do multiple activities a day now. I know I'm extremely lucky to be recovering from this, because there are people who have a chronic condition that doesn't allow for recovery, and I am very grateful for every day I can move around.

Another thing that is much better is sleeping! I used to wake up feeling like I'm dying, overheated, stressed, anxious, sometimes even paralyzed in fear, and if not fear, then grief would hold me down and I would be too sad to move. Now I'm finding myself waking up thinking 'Oh I'm so well rested! I have the energy to tackle some chores' like I'm in an actual good mood. And it's like ??? what is going on, since when is this me. I've been dreaming of having mornings like this, and now I have them, and it just happened over time (8 years) I still only think about doing chores when I have energy, because I know it's the only time of day I'll have any energy, so if I wake up restful I will rush to do dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and whatever else, because I know the energy will go away later and I will become a sad slob. But it's much better than waking up and having to take a few hours (or days) just to recover from sleeping. My sleeping schedule has been 8 hours all along, I somehow can't sleep over the 8 hour mark, and can't function if I sleep less than 7.

I will still sometimes have flashbacks and meltdowns if anything bad happens to me, but the recovery time from them has gone way down. It used to be weeks, months even, to recover from a single bad event. Now it's more like hours and days. It's still not very similar to what I think a regular person would have to deal with, but I love the progress very much! One thing that slips my mind is that I regularly forget how much worse things used to be. If I bounce back from something, I forget that in the past, this would ruin me for weeks, and I forget that this is progress and to take a minute to acknowledge that. I just take what I can and go. But it's good to look at it and see that life is a little easier.

Some anxiety has also withered away from me, because so much of my anxiety was due to inexperience. New problems that would appear in my life seemed unsolvable and catastrophic, because I never faced those problems before, didn't know how to solve it, didn't dare to ask for help, didn't have skills or knowledge to tackle any of them myself, and all of it felt like it would lead to my doom. After already having solved some of those problems multiple times, I'm at peace just because I know what to do now. I haven't done much asking for help to be honest, because I hate it, but in struggling to solve the problems myself (sometimes taking months and years to do so), I've gathered knowledge, skills and experience, and I now have a general idea of what to do in situations that reoccur, and also know what to expect, how long something will take, what type of action will resolve it. Just living and tackling things by myself, and succeeding, eases a lot of anxiety. There is a solution to everything, with sufficient knowledge, experience and skills.

A lot of stuff that's previously been bothering me to the level where I couldn't deal with it, can now be dealt with merely distracting myself from it. Which I think is very funny, because I used to consider all my time playing games or looking at funny videos 'procrastination', because I wasn't being productive right, I was just 'procrastinating' and delaying dealing with life. Now I value these activities specifically because they can save me from feeling miserable and sad. There's a warmth to looking at people being goofy, funny, interesting, entertaining, and taking joy in it, and reminding myself there's still a lot of good things in the world, there are good people, there is warmth, there is love, and I feel better after seeing it, regardless of how awful I felt before. Having my own thoughts redirected to something hopeful is making my days better, more stable. I think I'm just stopping myself from spiraling into hopelessness, by looking directly at hope and staying fixated on it for long enough. And it's something I didn't previously value as a real activity, because I didn't believe that making myself feel better while producing nothing, was a worthwhile pursuit.

Being safe from abuse for a long time managed to erode the feelings of guilt and shame I had in my own interests, thoughts and activities, and I've became unafraid of any failures. It is now very clear to me that failing is the only way towards learning and it's incredibly valuable. I'm shameless at starting new hobbies and activities and it does not bother me whatsoever when I do badly. Even failing at big stuff in my life, things that created actual damage to me, supplied me with knowledge I don't think I would otherwise gain, and I treasure it. I don't feel ashamed or like I've done anything wrong. I've been able to engage with my own curiosity about things and I'm now able to ask questions about anything, without feeling bad for 'not knowing already'.

I've also accepted that I'm bad at some stuff, and it doesn't mean anything much about me, we're all bad at something. Sometimes I'm bad at stuff, but enjoy doing them, so I still do them, fun gives it good value! And if I'm both bad at something and don't enjoy it, then I completely drop it, and feel okay knowing this just isn't for me. I remember when I used to believe I'm bad at everything, just because I was getting such horrid feedback on it, now it's almost funny. I like stuff I create even when I do them badly, because I remember how much fun I had doing it. If I want to do them better, I know I just need to keep practicing and it will happen. Nothing a human creates is shameful, especially if it's not causing any harm to anyone. We're made to create and it makes us happy.

I don't think I've done anything specific to create these changes, maybe some critical analysis of the past, and some willingness to consider my own happiness important and worthwhile. I think I spent so much time grieving that I've actually processed the most of it, so I'm no longer as overwhelmed by it as I was before. It's not like I'm no longer sad, I will start sobbing frequently and whenever I'm tired, I am automatically miserable. But it is no longer constant, suffocating feeling that follows me for every second of existence.

I haven't done anything to fix the sleeping or to ease the chronic pain, that was just time and being safe from abuse for a longer period. I wanted to write this specifically because I've been waking up feeling okay the last few days and that was a shock to experience, what a bliss to wake up and think 'I'm well rested'. Incredible life experience.

[tarotwithavi]

What is coming for you soon?

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.

Masterlist

Paid services

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 1

Expect a new job offer if you're unsatisfied with your current job.

If you have been feeling down lately expect to have a blasting time by yourself.

I'm seeing a new relationship. For some it is going to be a soulmate relationship .

If you like gothic things , I'm seeing that you're going to buy the things you have been searching for.

Someone you have been thinking about is going to come to you. This person may have disappointed you in the past.

I'm seeing the completion of a difficult cycle. Your health is going to improve in the next 30 days.

I'm also seeing an ending here but don't worry this is going to be for the best of you.

You may get invited to a wedding and let me tell you, you're going to have a grand time there.

People who have done you dirty are going to get their karma and they may come to you with an apology. It's up to you if you want to forgive them or not.

You're going to receive an unexpected present from someone. This present may be something you have always wanted.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 2

Do you know you have been watched pile 2? A lot of people have their eyes one you.

You're going to shine in your work setting and people will start to recognize for who you ate.

If you have participated in a competition or something expect positive response. Either you'll top or people will recognize you even if you don't win.

A lot of people will come to you , they would want to be your friend but be careful not all of them will have good motives.

All your hard work is going to pay off in the next month and all your manifestations are going to come true.

You may feel burdened by all the responsibilities on your shoulder but don't worry everything is going to work out.

A new person is entering your life and they will bring you stability.

If your family has been going through financial issues, I'm seeing that your father's job/business is going to pay him more.

You may change places/home/schools and this change is going to be very sudden.

Exactly 10 days from when you read his pac, some good news will come to you.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 3

You may get to meet your old friends. They are going to reach out to you soon.

I'm also seeing an end of a relationship/friendship that was toxic for you.

You're a magnet to good things right now my pile 3. Ask and you shall receive.

I'm also seeing an exciting event for you . Some of you may get invited to a certain event and you'll cherish the memories of this event forever.

I'm seeing that some of you may have been working on a project for a couple of months now, I'm am getting that you will achieve great success in it.

Someone may try to send you the evil eyes or is sending you right now. You are being told to protect yourself and your people.

One of your friends/someone in your circle is talking about you behind your back. This person is distrustful.

I'm getting that some of you may need to change your furniture or you might renovate your house/room.

Try to eat more vegetables and fruits because if don't get proper nutrition you may get sick in the upcoming days.

You may travel somewhere in the summer. This vacation will bring you balance and relax your mind.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

Pile 4

If you have applied for a scholarship, you're going to receive the email soon and results will be in your favor.

You're being told to trust your intuition or gut feeling in regards to new people entering your life.

You will be guided by your guardian angels, no need to be so stressed out.

Someone might criticize your work, don't be mad at them try to understand why they are criticising you.

I'm seeing a huge physical glow up for you. People are going to be stunned by your beauty.

You might get a vision about the future. Don't ignore this message, it can help you in challenging times.

The efforts you're putting in your work is not enough for it to achieve the success you want it to. Increase your efforts a little.

Some people might try to bring you down because of their own insecurity, don't lower your standards because of them.

Don't sign any documents without reading through it first. Even if itst from someone you trust wholeheartedly.

If someone has betrayed you once, they'll betray you again when they get the chance to. DON'T EVER TRUST THEM AGAIN.

Wear more green to attract abundance. And take care of your feet.

Please help

.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜✭・

[bestworstcase]

Thanks for your response ala Ruby & Yang, great stuff!

Idle aside, but do you have any thoughts on Yang's role as the sort of black sheep of the family by dint of Raven associations?

Cos like, Tai overtly favors Ruby, projects Raven onto Yang, resents Raven being rough up and is bad enough about reminders of her Yang feels she has to apologize for his negative reactions. Let alone his... Everything else.

Then there's Qrow who doesn't seem to interact with Yang over much at all and one of if not their most major interaction. Involves him straight up saying he thinks she's either a liar hurting people for fun or "crazy".

I recall someone I was chatting with wondering: Imagine doing everything you can to keep your family from breaking apart & being compared to the woman who left you when you were a baby?

Cos I do wonder how Yang feels about all that given she seems to downplay and or try to work around her family's issues when she can. Let alone what it says about the adults in the room.

smth i think about a lot is the way yang’s narrative about her childhood shifts between v2 to v5

’cause in v2 it’s: “it was tough. ruby was really torn up, my dad kind of shut down. it wasn’t long before i learned why…” all to provide context for this anecdote about putting ruby in a wagon and running away to find her mother. and then her conclusion is “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.”

and while there is a degree here of yang framing the story to emphasize the point she wants blake to understand, it’s also very obvious in her delivery that the emotional reality of this memory for yang is “the time my stupidity and stubbornness almost got me and ruby eaten by grimm”—when she was [checks notes] like five, six years old, and regularly left at home unsupervised.

but in v5, it’s: “my mom left me. ruby’s mom left too. tai was always busy with school, and ruby couldn’t even talk yet; i had to pick up the pieces. i had to pick up the pieces. alone.”

aside from the telling slip (tai, not dad)—yang centers her own feelings and the harm this situation did to her this time. which is something she’s always felt but i don’t think she could have brought herself to say it out loud to anyone during the beacon arc, because it was pressed down under the guilt on display in burning the candle, the feeling of having been inadequate and too stubborn and too selfish and and and–

coughs quietly. “my stubbornness should have gotten us killed that night.” / “you were predictable. and… stubborn. and maybe a little boneheaded.” yang’s narrative about the wagon incident—which happened when she was five or six!—pinning the blame on the thing tai imagines to be her fatal flaw is…probably not coincidental. yang in v4 after a year of being loved by her team and supported by mentors like glynda / oobleck / port has the perspective to know that tai doesn’t know what he’s talking about; but as a small child who’d just had a terrifying near-death experience with her baby sister… 😶

it definitely had a big impact on the way yang sees herself

BUT i do read qrow's talk with yang in 3.8 pretty differently ->

because the context is: yang saw mercury attack her and struck back in self defense, then had like a dozen synthetic soldiers point guns in her face, then looked up and saw the replay footage of herself walking over to shoot a boy who was just kneeling on the ground. and some of the most powerful authority figures in the world are pushing this narrative that stress and adrenaline "clouded her judgment."

like this would make anyone doubt their sanity. bc holy shit.

yang, though...a couple weeks ago, yang after being knocked unconscious woke up and blearily saw someone she thought was her mother walk away from her and disappear in a flash of red light. she hasn't mentioned it to anyone, because it's just so bizarre—yang doesn't know about raven's semblance yet—she must have just been seeing things. right?

aside from raven (who isn't here) and yang (who believes she hallucinated), the only other person who knows that yang saw her mom on the train is qrow, because raven told him about it. he also knows that:

tai insisted on not telling yang ANYTHING about her mother, and qrow respected that up until now; so yang doesn't know about raven's semblance and can't make sense of what she saw.

salem's infiltrators are the same people who attacked amber, and qrow didn't get a good look at them because they seemingly vanished into thin air—pretty damn good chance that one of them has a semblance that manipulates what you see.

ozpin wants #2 kept secret, so yang has some very powerful people actively trying to convince her that she's crazy. ironwood is straight up gaslighting her.

qrow also—based on the first thing he says, which is "why'd you do it?"—seems to consider it a possibility that it is what it looked like but yang did have a good reason, and i actually do not think that is an outrageous thing for qrow specifically to think. because qrow was emotionally abused as a child, and he knows yang, and in the event that yang really did suddenly turn around and punch a guy who was kneeling on the ground, why would she do it?

glances at shay d. mann. well. maybe this kid has been harassing her? maybe he said something horrible or threatening to her and in the heat of the moment she just snapped? maybe "he attacked me, i saw him attack me" isn't really a lie per se, she's just scared that "he's been picking on me ever since he got here and he made a disgusting remark and i just couldn't take it anymore" won't be taken seriously? as in, he did attack her—verbally/emotionally.

it's probably worth asking, at least!

so, qrow leads with "why'd you do it?" in case there is some invisible reason justifying the apparent action. yang says "you know why." qrow goes okay, well, i only know what i saw, so you're either lying (i.e., yang had a reason she now isn't telling) or crazy (i.e., yang saw something different from reality that was very real to her).

she says "i'm not lying." qrow believes her: "crazy, got it."

at this point, he knows the most probable explanation is that one of salem's infiltrators fucked with her head. the inner circle's gaslighting doesn't sit right with him; he's not going to buck ozpin by telling her the truth outright, but he wants to make sure yang knows she isn't losing her mind. he also has all the info needed to guess that yang is actually really really scared that she might be crazy.

which is why he kicks off the wall and begins to pace around. the language he uses sounds dismissive, but his tone is mild and his body language implies "let's talk about it, let's figure this out."

leading to:

YANG: Who knows? Maybe I am. QROW: And here I thought your dark-haired friend was the emo one. YANG: I saw my mom. …I- I was in a lot of trouble, took a pretty hard hit. But when I came to, the person attacking me was gone, and I thought I saw… her. Her sword. Like the one in you and dad’s old picture. QROW: You’re not crazy, Yang. That was your mom, alright. Let me guess—she didn’t say a word, did she? YANG: How did you know that? QROW: I don't see my sister very often, but she does try to keep in touch... whenever it suits her. YANG: Wait—you mean you talk to her? That was real!? QROW: Yeah, she found me. Had a tip from my most recent assignment and wanted me to give you a message.

it's really telling that yang responds to him this way. 'cause we've seen how yang acts when she feels dismissed or belittled:

TAI: Well, "normal" is what you make of it. YANG: What is that supposed to mean? Do you want me to just pretend like nothing happened? I lost a part of me. A piece of me is gone. And it's never coming back. TAI: You're right. It's not coming back. But that doesn't have to stop you from becoming who you wanna be. You're Yang Xiao Long, my sunny little dragon. You can do whatever you put your mind to. So whenever you're ready to stop moping, and get back out there? I'll be there for you. YANG: I– I...

she freezes and shuts down! her teachers have to come to her rescue!—but when qrow goes "crazy, got it" and suggests she's being "emo," yang blurts out her big secret. i saw my mom. to me that suggests a level of trust and understanding that isn't there with tai: qrow says stuff like "okay, so you're crazy" and "here i thought your friend was the emo one" but what he means is "hey, i know something's really bugging you, tell me about it," and yang picks up what he's putting down.

it's akin to how ruby goes "did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME??" and qrow's like "nope" and they both laugh. or the back-and-forth ribbing between him and the girls in 3.4. there's this layer of mild ironic meanness in the way qrow converses with his nieces that all of them are fluent in, and in this scene he's using that mode to signal that "crazy" is not off-limits, that it's okay to talk about openly.

crucially, there's a code-switch in the middle of the conversation: as soon as yang gets real and says "i saw my mom," qrow reflects that seriousness back to her. you're not crazy, that was your mom, she found me afterward and told me about it. it was real. you're okay. qrow's ability to do that—to shift into a more serious mode when irony isn't appropriate—is why yang can have this rapport with him that she doesn't have with tai, because tai isn't... being ironic when he says mean or dismissive things to her.

anyway, qrow passes on raven's terrible message and then kind of annotates it: "raven's got an interesting way of looking at the world that i don't particularly agree with, and she's dangerous." (which is a very diplomatic way of saying he thinks raven is full of shit. lol.) but then he connects this whole conversation about raven back to what happened after the match: "you're a tough egg, kiddo. don't let this tournament thing getcha down. you had a slip-up; sometimes bad things just happen."

implicitly: yang isn't crazy. what she saw on the train was real, a product of raven's personality and her semblance. sometimes bad things just happen. qrow believes that yang had the experience she says she did when she punched mercury. he doesn't know why she had that experience—yang doesn't either!—but he knows she isn't just "crazy." sometimes things that seem crazy are actually real.

remember what he tells the girls in 3.4? "you may be acting like huntresses, but you're not thinking like one." same thing here. he's telling yang, hey, you're not crazy, you know what you saw, but you don't know what or who caused you to see it. "you cut off the head of the king taijitu, but now the second head's calling the shots."

hint, hint.

it's subtler than the hints qrow drops for ruby in 3.12, but very much in the same vein, and yang is plenty smart enough to figure it out. she might... not have? in the couple of hours between this conversation and everything going to straight to hell, but if they'd had literally just one more day, just long enough for the wheels turning in yang's head to click together with what ruby heard from velvet about coco hallucinating during her and yatsu's 2v2 against emerald and mercury, she would've had it.

more... generally, i've never gotten the sense that qrow projects raven's flaws onto yang in the way that tai does; qrow is definitely a lot closer with ruby than yang, but i think that has less to do with favoritism on qrow's part than it does ruby thinking he's like the COOLEST uncle ever and wanting to use a scythe like he does.

'cause like, qrow isn't their parent, he doesn't live with them, he's not responsible for raising these kids like their dad is, so while he obviously did contribute to fucking them both up because: alcoholic, ultimately there just isn't the same degree of betrayal or emotional abandonment; he's not their dad. both times yang talks in detail about her childhood, it's "my mom left, ruby's mom left, tai wasn't really around, ruby couldn't even talk, i was alone"—she doesn't mention qrow. there isn't that deep hurt, that feeling that qrow is someone who left.

when he isn't drunk, yang seems to feel pretty okay around him, and qrow likewise treats her... honestly a lot better than tai does:

he stops by their dorm in v3 to hang out with both his nieces; yang is fully in sister mode—cheers for ruby to beat him until ruby loses, immediately shoves her out of the way like "my turn!! >:D"—and qrow ribs them both, takes ribbing from both of them in good humor, tells both of them "you two are gonna go far."

qrow nicknames to show affection; ruby is "pipsqueak," yang gets "firecracker."

we only see qrow's goodbye to ruby, but in 5.4 yang indicates that qrow came to talk to her before he left, too. she also has complete trust that he's keeping the promise he made to look after ruby.

yang, as noted, opens up to him about seeing her mom; she's also shocked that he's still in contact with raven and indignant that he didn't tell her sooner, but—unlike with tai—she doesn't seem surprised that qrow is willing to talk about raven in general.

which tracks with what tai says in 4.11: "despite asking him numerous times not to, i know qrow told you where you're mother's been at these days"—meaning, this was a point of contention between him and qrow. behind the scenes, while tai refused to discuss raven at all, qrow was going okay well, let me tell her then, she deserves to know. and then ultimately he just bit the bullet and told her behind tai's back. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out qrow had been straight with yang that her dad wanted to be the one to tell her the important stuff, and he wanted to be respectful of that, but raven wasn't an off-limits topic.

general contrast between yang-tai and yang-qrow dynamics; for example both of them say almost verbatim "you've got a long way to go before you're ready for the real world" (3.4/4.4). from tai it's belittling, he's insulting her; from qrow, it's meant to encourage, it's "remember you're still new to this, you'll make mistakes, just keep learning, keep trying." (rwby does stuff like this all the time, refracting an idea in different directions to highlight contrasts between characters; ozpin's advice to ruby vs port's advice to weiss is another example.)

a lot of qrow's resentment toward raven is centered on her abandonment of yang: "did you know yang lost her arm? [...] rhetorical question, i know you know. it's just obnoxious that you'd bring up family and then carry on like your own daughter doesn't exist. [raven: "i saved her."] once. because that was your rule, right? real mom of the year material, sis." like he is PISSED on yang's behalf that raven won't even try.

my impression is that qrow—although a) often away on long missions in far away places and b) an alcoholic who sometimes got blind drunk and became a burden yang and ruby needed to take care of—when he did manage to be there, made a serious effort to connect with both of them. he ended up being closer to ruby bc she wanted to learn scythe-wielding, but i do think qrow would've trained yang too (or instead) if the girls had different combat interests.

and while his relationship with ruby has a mentorish aspect, i don't get the sense either of the girls see him as a parental figure: he wasn't part of their household, he traveled a lot, his alcoholism in combination with tai's neglect eroded the adult-child boundaries because they had to be responsible for him as often as the reverse. he's a friend who also happens to be related to them. and that's especially true for yang, because he wasn't her teacher.

(i know it's a... pretty common headcanon / fanon that qrow lived with them, but i really don't think that's supported by the text? whenever ruby or yang look back on their childhoods, the family unit is always them + tai, and qrow isolates himself out of fear that his semblance will injure those he cares about. plus ozpin sending him all over the place as the one member of team strq still active. it makes way more sense to think he lived alone, and visited when he had the chance. which is the main reason i'm WAY softer on him than on tai, 'cause qrow wasn't in a caretaker/parent role; at most he was an occasional babysitter. so while his incidents of turning up drunk on the doorstep contributed to the harm... it's like, it would absolutely have been better for them if qrow were sober, but that wouldn't have changed anything about their home life. they'd just have somewhat easier relationships with qrow.)

TO WRAP THIS BACK AROUND TO THE QUESTION, tai is unfairly judgmental and harsh with yang bc he projects his idea of her mom onto her; yang also has a better relationship with her mom's brother than she does with her dad. how do these two dynamics interact? how does yang feel about hearing from tai that she's too branwen, so to speak, while also getting along better with the branwen side of her family? how might that fuel her desire to find raven?

if her uncle treats her better than tai does, then... maybe her mom would too, if only yang could reach her?—obviously it's not rational, but like. i don't think five year old yang put her baby sister in a wagon and ran away to find her mom because she thought she would ask "why did you leave me?" and then get her answer and go home. as yang grew older and developed a more realistic perspective it shifted to "i just need to know why she left" and she projects that backward onto herself as a child, but at the time what she wanted, what she was looking for, was someone who would take care of them.

[paradox-n-bedrock]

I actually find Donna and Shaun's marriage kind of fascinating and think there's a solid middle ground to be found between the "dead relationship, full of resentment and apathy" and "ideal couple, super in love" camps. I try to give hints of that in the stuff I've been working on (expect gratuitous use of that Shaun Temple is Tired tag), but I really want to explore it a little more deeply.

There are potential consequences from Donna suddenly being a package deal with her best friend and canonical love of her life but neither immediate divorce nor a seamless transition into an alternative relationship structure feel very likely (though there's no shame in using either or dealing with it off-page if it doesn't suit the fic). I just crave some more complex, nuanced takes on them adapting to the changes in or the dissolution of the marriage.

Plus, people are sleeping on the sheer drama of: you fell in love with an amazing but troubled woman and fifteen years later she unlocks memories that fundamentally changed her as a person, including the relationship with someone she wanted to stay with forever. Oh, and the two of them are inseparable again, so you've got a brand new member of the household.

I know we appreciate Shaun's ability to just roll with stuff, but it's a major change regardless of whether you prefer platonic or romantic DoctorDonna. Like Donna being herself in all her glory is gonna make or break that marriage, no matter where their existing relationship is at. And both options have the potential to be interesting. Do they not fit together anymore, no matter how happy for her Shaun might be, or, despite some growing pains, is it as good for their relationship as it is for Donna personally? Does having the memory issue and the financial stress solved allow frustrations in the relationship to heal? Or do they find they're not as securely bound together as they thought? I do think romcom jealousy is boring but suddenly watching someone else irrefutably bring out the happiest, best version of your spouse might bring up some complicated emotions.

As an aside, the parallels between Shaun and Lee also make me a little crazy. She picked another handsome, easy going, virtually silent man who seems to defer to her the vast majority of the time. Their kid has her last name. She sits at the head of the table like a queen holding court. I love it, anything else wouldn't feel right, but I just can't stop hearing, "What does that say about me?" "Everything."