#like it causes me anxiety to think i might have to give up my fair amount so someone else has a fair share

[fakeoutbf]

.

[featherandferns]

daylight - six

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 6 of the daylight series | read part 5 here

content warnings: sexual content (m receiving)

word count: 2.8k.

blurb: seemingly not put-off from your last encounter, JJ comes by your house and studies your photographs. There's one within the mix that makes something click in JJ's head.

“Mimsy, it was humiliating,” you groan through the camera. 

She cringes. “I mean…yeah, that is pretty rough.”

“Ah!” you cry, tossing your head into your hands. 

“What was up? Were you not turned on?”

“Of course I was!” you argue, offended at the insulation that JJ wasn’t sex walking. “I just got all in my head, and the dark and Tyler and–”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Mimsy interrupts. You brave a glance at her on the facetime call. “You were thinking of Tyler whilst hot-mechanic-man was going down on you?”

“Well, we never got that far,” you mumble. 

Mimsy silences you with a look. “Why were you thinking of Tyler?”

You sigh and shake your head. Once more, your eyes dart down to the shoebox. “I don’t know,” you admit. “I just felt like I was back in that room with him all over again in December. The confusion and the–”

“Are you sure Tyler never assaulted you?” Mimsy checks. Despite her careless questioning, you know it comes from a place of concern. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” you say. “I mean, his emphasis on consent was honestly one of his finer features. One time I nodded and he went ‘no, no, you gotta use your words’.”

“Condescending prickhole,” Mimsy mutters bitterly. 

Eyebrows raised, mildly alarmed, you say, “well, yes, he was, but he was an consent advocate.”

“Gee, someone give him a gold medal. The bar really is on the fucking floor.”

You click your fingers. Mimsy could get lost in her anti-Tyler spiel easily. “Can we stay on task, please? What the hell is wrong with my body!?”

“Alright, one sec,” Mimsy says. You watch as she types away on her laptop, halfway in shot. “Okay, Google, what have you got?”

Waiting anxiously as Mimsy puruses the web, she makes a ‘eureka’ type sound. 

“Well if it makes you feel any better, apparently around seventeen percent of women aged eighteen to fifty experience vaginal dryness problems during sex. So you’re not a freak - yay!”

“Thank you for that,” you grumble. “What else does it say? Does it say why it happens?”

“Not being turned on enough is the leading cause. Insufficient foreplay type things,” Mimsy reads. 

You shake your head, fingers pressed to your lips in thought. “No, I was definitely turned it on. It was only when he was no longer kissing me and stuff…”

“Is that when the Tyler thoughts started?” Mimsy wonders. 

You nod. 

“Alright, well, other reasons are psychological. Stress, anxiety, that kind of thing. You think that might be it?”

“Maybe,” you muse. Before you can try to expand your thoughts, Mimsy’s phone chimes. She momentarily disappears as she reads the text, and you watch as she gets up in a rush. “You good?”

“Darren hit me up. He said he’ll be here in five.”

“Wait, Darren?” you gape. “Since when were you hooking up with Darren?”

“Like a week ago, at this beach get-together. He’s gotten cuter, y’know? Works out and stuff now,” she grins cheeky at the camera, licking her teeth.

It's times like these that you realise how much your lives are already changing without the other knowing. Most of the time it's easy to ignore, but every now and then the FOMO is relentless and jealousy tries to rear its ugly head. 

“Right, I gotta dash. I need to check I’m nice and clean shaven.”

“T.M.I. Mimsy. We need some boundaries."

“Yeah, you’re right,” Mimsy says before deadpanning: “have fun navigating your dry vagina.”

“Fair point,” you mumble. With that, Mimsy disappears from your screen.

You mindlessly meddle on Instagram, editing your latest post - a picture of the Pogues you took a few weeks ago - and scrolling through the feed. A text notification appears. It’s JJ.

Let me in. 

Frowning, you reply. 

Hello?? 

I’m outside lol. Let me in. 

Frown deepening, you ditch your phone and rush down the stairs. Sure enough, when you open the door, JJ’s there. He’s wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and those same damned combat boots. No cap, messy tendrils of hair sticking out any which way. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I was bored.”

“Oh,” you reply. JJ had never come into your house before. Always picked you up or dropped you off outside. “Well, come in, I guess.”

JJ gladly does so. Wanders through the doorway, hands in his pockets. 

“What you been up to today?” you wonder. 

“Went to Heyward’s with Pope to earn a couple bucks,” JJ says as he eyes up the decor. Most things are unpacked now, having been in Kildare for almost two months. Faux family photos line the mantle of the fire which doesn’t work. JJ peruses them. “You were a cute kid.”

“Thanks,” you say. “You want a drink or something?”

“Nah, I’m good,” he says, pulling out his flask. You roll your eyes as he takes a swig of what you assume is whiskey. “Where your parents at?”

“Trying to rekindle their romance on a weekend trip to my uncle’s place,” you say. “I was just gonna edit the last lot of photos I took at Kook Club.”

“They any good?” he asks. 

The two of you had worked the latest Gala dinner. It had been to “raise money” for the already pristine, state-of-the-art tennis courts. Whilst they were charging guests a thousand dollars per ticket, you and JJ left with less than a hundred bucks for ten hours worth of work. 

“They’re alright. Rafe and his posse are in the back of a bunch, sneaking drinks, so I need to edit that crap out,” you huff. You start up the stairs and JJ follows. Opening the door, you guide JJ into your bedroom. 

“Ta da,” you say. “My humble abode.”

“Cute bear,” JJ teases, pointedly looking at your well-cuddled stuffie.

You rush to grab him, hiding him under the pillow and nervously laughing when you turn back to him. 

His eyes gravitate to your pinboard of pictures. A collection of your favourites. Friends mostly, with about two of your parents. Lots of Vancouver. The Pogues. JJ. Things you took whilst people-watching. Most of the photos are pictures of the neighbourhood and town. Beaches and trees and people going about their days. Boats bobbing on water and fisherman dragging up crab-cages. Children biking down the street and old couples sat on their porches like something from a Suburbia advert in the fifties. There’s an intrigued slant to his brow as he takes in the world you see. 

Then, JJ plucks one from the masses and holds it with care, something seemingly unnatural for someone so energetic. You can’t help but study him as he studies your picture. It’s one you took almost two weeks ago, of a man that you saw smoking a cigarette outside of a dive bar. There was something about him that seemed so tired and worn, like he’d wasted his happiness on something unforgiving. JJ’s smile fades. There’s an urge to ask him if he's okay, though you’re not sure why. 

He returns it to the board and deliberates over some more. You try and think of something to say but come up with nothing. 

“These are really good,” JJ absent-mindedly tells you, eyes trained on the pictures. 

“Thanks.”

JJ smiles at the one you took of him. It’s a strange smile: like he’s surprised by his own candidness. Then he physically freezes. You follow his trained vision to a picture hidden under layers. Oh no. 

“Is that…”

JJ takes it from the board, careful not to disturb the others, and stares at it for a painful length of time. All you can do is fidget nervously, eyes wide, and watch him piece together the picture. Frowning, he holds it up to you as he turns. 

“When did you take this?”

“Um…”

It’s of him, laughing from afar, standing before a sunsetting sky, the sea in the distance. You try to grab it off him but his reflexes are too fast. JJ holds it above his head, out of your reach. 

“Just one time at the beach.”

“Nuh-uh,” JJ says, a grin starting to unfurl. “You’re lying. When’d you take this? I don’t remember you taking this.”

“Just a dumb candid I got at this kegger one time. It was ages ago,” you hurriedly say. 

And all the puzzle pieces click in JJ’s mind. The grin comes through in full effect and he points a finger in your face. Your stomach sinks through the floor. 

“It was you!”

“W-what?” you stammer.

“You were the peeping Tom at Chloe’s kegger! I knew I didn’t fucking imagine it!” JJ announces. 

No, no, bad, bad, bad. 

“Holy shit! I’ve been trying to figure out who it was and it was you the whole time!”

“Don’t be a dick, okay? I just like people-watching. Clearly!” you defend, gesturing to the pictures. 

“I’m not being a dick,” JJ says, enthusiasm dwindling. He lowers the photo and looks at it again. A smile returns, sweeter this time. “It’s a really good photo.”

“Course you’d say that,” you snort, taking it back. “You’re in love with yourself.”

“Damn straight,” he gloats. He watches you place the photo in your bedside drawer. “Putting that in your wank bank for later, then?”

“Careful,” you snarl, shooting him a glare. He cackles.

ADHD brain in full swing, JJ takes to investigating your cameras. “You ever take photos of yourself?”

“No.”

“Ever had people take them for you?”

“Look, some people photograph well,” you say, gesturing to JJ, “and some people don’t.”

JJ quirks a brow. “Are you saying you’re not photogenic?”

You make a face of ‘well, duh’ and JJ laughs incredulously.

“Oh, bullshit. You’re smoking! You’d take a great picture.”

“Well, history proves otherwise,” you laugh, flopping onto your bed. 

JJ looks back to the cameras. At his extended quiet, you gain the sense that he’s plotting something. Concocting. “What?”

“Just thinkin’,” he hums. He grabs your Polaroid camera, turning to you. “This charged?”

“It’s battery powered, JJ,” you say. “So, yes.”

“Got paper in it?”

“That little dial on the right will say.”

JJ checks and a grin reappears. “Lie down.”

“Excuse me?”

“Humour me,” JJ says, “lie down.”

Rolling your eyes, you comply, lying down like a corpse. “Happy?”

“No, fucking…” JJ poorly  imitates a sensual pose. You giggle. “Give it some effort.”

Sighing, as if it’s some great effort, you do as he asks. JJ grins and lifts the camera. With that, you crack up and raise a hand, trying to push the lens away. He snaps a photo before you can. 

“JJ!”

“Come on, come on! Pose it up, girl,” he urges. 

Aware that he won’t quit, you sit up and smile reluctantly with a lopsided head tilt. JJ takes another photo. 

“Okay, gimme something sexy.”

“Sexy?” you guffaw. 

“Yeah! Something for my wank bank.”

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter. You tug your shirt off before you can overthink it and lean back on your arms, dressed in pyjama shorts and bralette. JJ’s grin takes up half his face. “Happy?”

“That’s it baby, work it…”

At his compliments and praises, you entertain him further. Your confidence blossoms under the lens and you start to understand why people like being photographed. It makes you feel important. Beautiful, like you’re something worthy to be captured. You find yourself grabbing at your tit with one hand, staring doe-eyed into the lens. Another photo has you teasing at showing your nipple, pulling down the lip of your bra.

As JJ continues to snap away, you see his dick getting harder and harder under his shorts. When the camera runs out of film, JJ dumps it on your desk and he practically pounces on you. Consumes you with a heady kiss, a hand reaching up to your jaw, tilting your head to deepen it. You’re obsessed with the way JJ kisses. It’s so forward, unapologetic and proud. Tender and telling, dominating and delicate.

When his hands palm at your crotch over your clothes, your heart sinks. Using all the strength you have, you grab his shoulders and force him down onto his back, on your bed. An impressed, bewildered smile lights up his face. It’s quickly overshadowed with lust.

Now straddling his chest, JJ pulls you back down with both hands, bringing your lips to his. You both grin into the messy kiss. 

“Don’t think I forgot what you said during hot seat,” JJ mumbles out through the kiss. You don’t bother to answer. Start making work of his throat, empowered by the new position. “About your favourite position.”

Your only response is to rut back against his hard-on. JJ stammers out a groan which seems to quiet him. You push his shirt up just as he did yours the other night, and take to praising his toned chest. Lightly trace your tongue over his nipples. Who would have thought JJ was a switch? Not you. 

“Please, baby, fuck,” JJ stammers. 

“You want my mouth?” you tease, rubbing him through his shorts. 

“God, yes, yes,” he begs, eyes closed tight with pleasure. 

You drag it out. Leisurely free him from his shorts and boxers. Take long, slow kisses right up from his calves, guiding your trial with your nails. When you finally take his leaking tip in your mouth, JJ grabs at the sheets with a moan. You go down on him, varying between fast and slow, deep and shallow. Suckle at the tip just to hear the sounds he makes, sat up on his forearms to watch. 

“Takin’ me so well,” JJ groans. One of his hands fists into your hair. “Fuck…That’s it.”

You hum around his dick, grabbing at the flesh of his thigh for purchase as you work him closer and closer to the edge. He pulls you off him before he comes, spilling onto his chest with a shuddering groan. You sit back on your haunches, wiping at your mouth, as JJ sits up. You grab the box of tissues from beside your bed and offer them to him. He’s almost blushing as he takes them, cleaning himself up. 

“Christ, you Vancouver girls are built different, huh?” he says. 

You laugh, flustered. “Well, I can’t speak for all of us.”

“Don’t need you to,” JJ smirks, reaching out for you by your hip bone. “I got the perfect one right here.”

He easily pulls you into his lap with one arm. Dumbs your thoughts with a kiss, tongue swirling deliciously in your mouth. But when one of his hands ventures lower, you pull away with a small smile. He tries to chase your mouth with his but you place a hand to the apex of his neck, keeping him at bay. He frowns.

Tracing the pad of your thumb under one of his eyes, you quietly say, “maybe another night.”

JJ’s reaction mirrors that of a child being told they can’t have a candy bar. “Wait, seriously?”

“I’m tired,” you lie with a laugh. Pecking his lips, you smile. “Worn me out.”

“Barely fucking touched you,” JJ grumbles, disgruntled. You move off him and grab the mess of tissues, filtering them into your bedroom bin. You can feel JJ watching you as you gather the polaroid photos from the floor. “Is this about the other night?”

Your lack of reply is reply enough. 

“That was probably a fluke! I read somewhere that dehydration can cause it,” JJ tells you. You make your way back over with a small smile. JJ reaches out a hand and grabs you by your hip. He leans forward and places a kiss to your stomach through your t-shirt. Looks up at you, innocent through his lashes. “Just let me at you and I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“As romantic as that is,” you sardonically say, looping your fingers through his hair and gently easing him away, “I just wanna go to sleep. You staying over?”

“Is that cool with you?” JJ checks. 

“Mhm,” you say. “I’m gonna go wash up, yeah?”

“Alright,” JJ replies, already tugging off his shirt. 

When you’re finished in the bathroom you find JJ under your sheets, scrolling on his phone. You settle in beside him. Your bed is just slightly bigger than a twin. It gives you a good excuse to cuddle up against him. Sighing, JJ clicks off his phone and lays back. 

“You wanna get the light?” he wonders, absentmindedly stroking your shoulder.

“No,” you mumble against his sturdy frame. “I sleep with it on.”

“Oh. Alright.”

JJ coils an arm around your midsection, bending to your form like ivy wills to a building. And how strange is it to think, that as you and JJ fall asleep tangled up with each other, that a box of your ex-boyfriend's things lies under the bed.

read part seven here!

taglist:

@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200

[aniesvision]

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 | 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝟐

𓃗 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚘 𝚡 𝚏! 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍

𝚊/𝚗: 𝒊 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚, 𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚 ☕︎

𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆

this is all from Matt's POV

-You're such an idiot. -Nick shakes his head, disappointed, with his arms crossed and an expression on his face that looks like he is about to kill me.

-I know. -I sigh, looking away in embarrassment.

-So go fix it, you moron! -He raises his voice, pointing at the direction of the front door.

I looked at him, too scared to face what I did, but knowing I had to make things right before it was too late.

I get into my car and drive to her house. I couldn't stop replaying the events in my head. I was so selfish, acted like a douchebag, made the girl I love cry and I might have broken up with her without even noticing at the time. It took me long enough to get out of my anger trance and realize I fucked up. She didn't reply to my texts, didn't answer my calls, and wasn't even talking to Nick, which was the reason he yelled at me in my room.

I was so caught up in my work, my new project, having all sorts of things to go through to make sure it was perfect. It was draining my social battery, my energy, and my patience, and unfortunately, I let all of my anxiety and stress out on her.

She never deserved anything like this, she is such a sweetheart and always stands by my side. I feel awful.

I park by her sidewalk, planning all the things I need to say before ringing the doorbell and hoping for her to open the door and hear me out.

When she did, her eyes immediately rolled back and she tried to close the door. I put my foot in between, desperate to have a chance to talk to her.

-Wait, please, just let me talk. 5 minutes, it's all I ask, please. -I plead, not caring if I sounded stupid or desperate.

She sighs, stepping back and letting me in. I feel the urge to cry right there, seeing her face, her puffy eyes, her red cheeks, her tired expression, the repulse in her eyes looking at mine.

I clear my throat, my heart beating fast against my chest as I try to take a few breaths to calm myself down enough to get me talking.

-I'm so so sorry. I know this doesn't change the way I acted, how much I hurted you, and I promise you, I feel like a complete loser right now.

She takes a few steps to the side, taking a seat on her couch and crossing both her arms and legs like she is building a barrier against me.

-I was stressed out, and I had so many things going on in my mind, you were nothing but perfect, and I treated you wrong, pushing you away. I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I hate myself for losing you, and I just needed to talk to you to apologize. I know you're probably not giving me another chance, I don't deserve it, but at least talk to Nick again, it's not fair for him to lose you too.

I look down, my eyes burning and my vision turning glossy. I couldn't help the tears from rolling down my cheeks, but I also didn't want to look like the victim here. I was the one causing all this chaos and the only one to blame.

She didn't say a word, but I gave her her time to think. It was too much, I couldn't expect an immediate answer.

-I'll talk to Nick.

It's the only thing she says, and it makes my heart break even more. I nod, almost giving up in trying to make her stay. I didn't feel like I could be good enough, like I could make her feel the best. But she did, for some reason.

-And we can talk too, eventually.

I lift my head to look at her, taking in every detail of her pretty face. She also had tears in her eyes, a serious expression, but I knew she wasn't sure about getting back together. Also, she didn't want to completely lose me, it was probably hurting her so much, and if she thinks I deserve another chance, I'll take it, and I'll do my best to make things better, to treat her better this time. Treat her like she deserves.

-Thank you. -I whisper, closing my eyes.

I hear her standing up again, walking in my direction. My eyes open to see her, conflicted, and she raises one hand to punch my arm, then wraps her arms around me.

-Idiot. -She whispers back, making me smile.

I hug her back, tightly, not wanting to let her go, rubbing her back. I can't even believe my luck. It felt like a dream, I even had to pinch myself to make sure I was awake.

-I'm sorry. -I say, my voice slightly muffled as I bury my face in her hair, feeling the scent of her strawberry and vanilla shampoo.

-I know. -She replies, pulling away just enough to look into my eyes. -Don't do shit like that again, I'll kill you.

My lips curve into a wide smile, nodding incessantly as if promising her.

-I'll do anything to show you how much I appreciate this second chance. I won't mess up again, I love you so much.

She also smiles, and my heart warms up with the sight. She slowly lifted her body to kiss my cheek and pulled away completely, making me feel the absence of her warmth.

-I know, I don't think you're ready to die yet. -She teases, making me chuckle.

-Yeah, I'm not. -I shake my head.

She goes back to the couch, takes a seat, and rests the back of her head on top of it, staring at the ceiling. I just watched her, feeling grateful that I could make things better, but noticing how much she needed to rest.

-I'll go back home to give you your space. Try to sleep a bit, or watch something you like, you need to give your pretty head a break. -I say, getting closer and grabbing her hands in mine, bringing one of them to my lips and kissing it gently.

-I'll text you as soon as I get home, and we can take things slow, I'll respect your time, alright? I'm not leaving, I promise you, I'll make things right.

I looked at her with the certainty I was going to make good use of this second chance, assuring her through my eyes. It looked like it worked since she nodded slowly with a small smile.

I helped her get to her room, covered her with her blanket, and kissed her forehead, caressing her cheek lightly before letting her rest.

I make my way back to my car, waiting long minutes to breathe properly and drive to my house. Just the small talk was enough to make me feel at peace.

The first thing I did was give Nick the updates, considering he was about to kill me. Then I decided to text her, nothing too much, just so she'd know I wasn't lying about wanting to try again and then decided to take a rest myself.

The next thing I knew, we were talking every day, just like we were getting to know each other for the first time, and I couldn't be happier to see her smiling because of me again.

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒔 ✍︎

➪ @riowritesitall @sturniolosarethebest @hyacinthst @flower-sturns @sturncakez @watercolorskyy @delooshunalhoe @sarosfilms @blahbel668 @sturniyolo69 @sturniolosl0t @sturnsxbitvh @colbsposts00 @fallingforfalll2 @stvrnmc @slxtformatt @starnoirr @katie-tibo @mattsfavbigtitties @sturnioloblues @monroesturnns @mattnchrisworld

[muddy-water-1997]

𝖠𝗀𝖾𝗇𝖼𝗒 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝖡𝖾𝗇𝖾𝖿𝗂𝗍𝗌

𝖳𝖶: 𝖲𝗈 𝗆𝗎𝖼𝗁 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝗌𝗍, 𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗎𝖽𝖾𝗌 𝗍𝗈 𝗌𝗆𝗎𝗍, 𝖯𝗈𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗌𝗌𝗂𝗏𝖾!𝖲𝖾𝗎𝗇𝗀𝗆𝗂𝗇, 𝖠𝗇𝗀𝗋𝗒!𝖢𝗁𝖺𝗇, 𝖱𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗂𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗋𝗇𝗒 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝗌 𝗌𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗈𝖽 𝗍𝖻𝗁

Chapter 22 - A Rose Between Two Thorns

You didn’t know why Seungmin was there instead of Chris, but you took the roses from him with a questioning smile. It was hard to see him as anything other than a harmless friend, but the look in his eyes was off-putting; this seemed like a game to him. It was only last night that you were called a "quick fuck," and he stormed out of your apartment, taking half of the boys with him.

“You wanted to see me… without him?” you questioned, moving toward the kitchen and placing the roses in the sink water. You might be cautious of Seungmin's intentions, but you couldn’t deny that the roses were beautiful.

“Yeah…” He followed behind you into the kitchen before continuing. “I need to apologize for last night; what I said was completely out of anger.” He explained as he leaned against the kitchen counter, the same counter Chris was kissing you on this morning. The memories kept flooding back. Where was he? He was supposed to be back by now.

“Out of anger?” you echoed, trying to keep your tone neutral, but the scepticism was evident.

Seungmin nodded, his expression earnest, but his eyes still holding that unsettling glint. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. I was just... frustrated and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair.”

You glanced at the roses, their vibrant petals contrasting with the confusion and unease swirling inside you. “Why now, Seungmin? Why apologize now, and why without Chris?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Because I need you to understand that what I said last night was a mistake. And... because I wanted to clear the air without him interfering.”

Interfering? The word hung heavily in the air, and you couldn’t help but feel a chill. “Interfering how?”

Seungmin took a step closer, his eyes locking onto yours. “I don’t think he’s the right person for you, Y/N. He doesn’t appreciate you the way you deserve.”

You took a step back, the proximity making your heart race with anxiety rather than affection. “Chris appreciates me more than you think,” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. “And he was supposed to be back by now. Do you know where he is?”

Seungmin’s gaze darkened for a fraction of a second before he plastered on a smile. “I’m sure he’s just running late. But think about what I said, okay? You deserve someone who truly values you.”

“I told you,” you began, trying to take a step back. Seungmin mirrored your movement, closing the distance until your back pressed into the fridge. You were trapped.

“But does he worship your body like the rest of us do?” His voice dropped to a low, menacing whisper as he pressed a hand above your head, his eyes boring into yours. “Does he fuck you as good as the rest of us do?” He leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin. “I bet he didn’t even touch you last night.”

There was a twisted pleasure in his words, a sick satisfaction that made your skin crawl. His smile was a predator’s grin, relishing the fear and discomfort he was causing.

“Seungmin…” you tried to muster the strength to speak up, but your voice wavered, barely more than a whisper. You had never seen him like this, so consumed by a dark, insatiable need to dominate, to prove a point. It felt like you were nothing more than a prize to be won.

His hand moved from the fridge to your shoulder, holding you in place possessively. “You don’t need him, Y/N. You need someone who knows how to truly appreciate you. Someone who can give you what you really want.”

Fear surged through you, but you refused to let him see you break. “Chris cares about me,” you said, your voice gaining strength. “And I care about him. Nothing you say will change that.”

“We all care about you, Y/N. How come he gets to have all the fun? Stealing my limelight again. I only just got a taste, and I’m having to walk away already.” He growled into your ear, his eyes flickering down to the necklace around your neck that they had all bought you before the emergency evacuation. He took the charm between his fingers, a scoff coming from his mouth. 

Before he could continue, the door swung open with a loud bang, startling both of you. Chris stood in the doorway, his eyes blazing with anger as he took in the scene before him. “Get away from her, Seungmin,” he demanded, his voice a low growl.

Seungmin straightened up, a sneer on his lips. “Just having a conversation, Chris.”

“Now,” Chris repeated, stepping forward, his fists clenched at his sides.

Seungmin backed off, and your hand flew to your chest in a feeble attempt to catch your breath, feeling as if it was slipping away. Were you scared? Was that supposed to turn you on? What was that?

“Y/N, are you okay?” Chris asked as he rushed to you from the doorway, quickly stepping between you and Seungmin. It was a good question. Were you okay?

“Yeah,” you mumbled quietly, your hand moving to the necklace, checking for damage. “I’m okay.”

“What the hell is this?” Chris demanded, his anger not subsiding as he glared at Seungmin.

Seungmin shrugged, a smug smile still lingering on his lips. “Just a misunderstanding, right, Y/N?”

Chris turned back to you, his eyes filled with concern and fury. “Did he hurt you?”

You shook your head, though your heart was still racing. “No, he didn’t hurt me. It was just... weird. He was saying things, trying to... I don’t know.”

Chris’s jaw tightened, and he stepped closer to Seungmin, his body radiating protective energy. “You stay away from her. Do you understand?”

Seungmin’s smile faded slightly, replaced by a flash of defiance. “I’m just looking out for her, Chris. Maybe you should be too.”

“Get out,” Chris growled, pointing toward the door. “Now.”

“What?” Seungmin retorted, his tone sharp. “You wanted us to do better by her. Those were your words. Or does that not include making her feel good? Because you were fine with that detail up until last night.”

“Things change,” Chris snapped back, his patience wearing thin.

“Whenever you want them to, sure,” Seungmin challenged, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Enough!” You stepped in, unable to stand being caught in the middle of their argument. “I should just pack a bag and go back home.” You sighed, heading toward the bedroom. You should have done this last night; it would have saved all this drama.

“No!” They both said in unison, moving to stop you in your tracks before glaring at each other.

“I’m a person!” you yelled, the anger and fear suddenly pouring out at once. “I’m not a prize you can just win at an arcade. Jesus fucking Christ.” You buried your face in your hands, trying to take a breath. “Have I not been through enough these past few days? Truly. I’m in a foreign country, away from my family and my friends, and you’re here acting like a pair of children.”

You couldn’t tell if you were mad or hungry, remembering your takeaway plans with Chris that had quickly become a passing thought. The overwhelming mix of emotions bubbled up, making it hard to think clearly.

Chris took a step toward you, his voice softer now, filled with regret. “Y/N, I’m sorry. This isn’t what I wanted. I don’t want you to feel like this.” You let him get close, his body enveloping you warmly. The tears that stung at your eyes were threatening to fall. You felt so safe with him, like the world couldn’t touch you. But with Seungmin, the way he cornered you, he was so close to you. You couldn’t deny that the possessiveness turned on a part of you.

“It’s time for you to leave,” Chris spoke to Seungmin with a firm but quieter tone, keeping your body close to his chest. Seungmin didn’t argue this time, but Chris noted that the smile on his face hadn’t faded. It was almost like he knew how to push your buttons without you being wiser about it. He walked out of the apartment, not saying another word.

“Are you okay, beautiful?” Chris asked as he heard the door shut, kissing you gently on your forehead. You nodded softly against his chest, feeling a mixture of relief and lingering unease.

“I’m okay,” you whispered, though your voice was still shaky. “Just... a lot to process.”

Chris held you tighter, his hand gently stroking your hair. “I’m so sorry for all of this. I should have been here. I should have protected you better.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up into his eyes. “It’s not your fault, Chris. Seungmin... he just caught me off guard. I didn’t expect him to act like that.”

“I know,” Chris replied, his eyes filled with sorrow and determination. “But I promise, I won’t let him or anyone else make you feel like this again.” You had to process truly what just happened before you agreed to a statement like that. The possessiveness that Seungmin showed… that needed decoding in your brain first.

“Can we order something to eat?” You asked, pulling away from his chest slightly. He laughed softly in response.

“Of course we can, baby. Whatever you want- it’s yours.”

NEXT CHAPTER

𝖶𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝖾? 𝖳𝖾𝗅𝗅 𝗆𝖾! 𝖬𝗒 𝗂𝗇𝖻𝗈𝗑 𝗂𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗈𝗉𝖾𝗇, 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖨 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗀𝗎𝗒𝗌! 

𝖶𝖺𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝗈 𝗃𝗈𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗍𝖺𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍? 𝖣𝗋𝗈𝗉 𝗆𝖾 𝖺 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗈𝗋 𝖣𝖬!

𝖳𝖺𝗀 𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍 𝖼𝗎𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌

@fr34k4c1dr41n @rylea08 @stellasays45 @darthmaddie25 @whatsk-poppinhomies @minnieprincess85 @purp13st4r @livixcore @hyun-hwanj @0325tiny @privhace @goldilovesharry @jisunglyricist @gloriajovicc @mimililylupinblack @laney1488 @missbangtangirl

Orange means I couldn’t tag you!

[the-fiction-witch]

Hysteria

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Smut

I stood kicking and punching my wooden door using every exploitive I know, 

"Father! This is ridiculous!" 

"You're staying in there y/n until the doctor gets here, this has gotten way out of hand"

"You called the doctor!" I yelled kicking the door again 

"See this is exactly why I called him, this is so out of hand y/n you're an emotional madhouse"

"Maybe I wouldn't be if you stopped treating me like a damn infant!"

"Ohh thank goodness your here Dr Dawkins" 

"Y-you called the surgeon!" I yelled

"I'm awfully sorry I know this isn't your area of expertise, but with the other doctor away I really didn't want to wait" 

"Absolutely, it's no problem Mr Y/L/n I'm sure I can do my best to help. Where is she then?"

"Locked in her room"

"I see"

"You keep that bloody butcher away from me!" I yelled 

The door opened and in came Dr Dawkins and my father in tow 

"Please sit down Miss Y/l/n"

"Fine" I pouted sitting on my bed 

"what seems to be the issue?"

Before I could even open my mouth my father spoke up

"Ohh she's been an utterly unruly doctor, shouting and screaming at me, sneaking out alone, causing all sorts of havoc."

"I see... have you been feeling any discomfort?" He asked me 

"other than being treated like a child and being locked in my room"

"Understandable" He nods checking me over a little doing all the usual tests

"I've been reading up on the symptoms I fear it might be... female hysteria" My father whispered almost afraid to say the very word

"Father!" I snapped "I do not have Hysteria!"

"Let the doctor be the judge of that y/n"

"He's not a doctor! He's a bloody butcher!"

"Do you mind giving me some time to examine the patient alone"

"Of course Doctor" 

My father quickly left and I just sat even more annoyed as he shut my bedroom door and continued doing little checks 

"I get the feeling, you don't particularly like me"

"I don't like doctors. nothing against you personally" 

"That's good then, I was worried I'd upset you" He smiled 

"No, I just don't like doctors"

"Any reason why?"

"Not so long ago doctors like you were throwing leaches around and saying girls should keep their legs shut so demons don't possess them through their vaginas. No Offence but I think most doctors are crackpots" 

"To be fair, most of us are" He chuckled "Miss Y/l/n. I'm a surgeon I chop limbs off for a living I'm not surprised people think I'm a crackpot"

"At least your honest about it, You don't really think there's anything wrong with me do you?"

"Well I have to bill your father for something, and he has a point about hysteria." 

"I don't have hysteria" 

"Do you even know what hysteria is?" 

"It's when girls are so emotional"

"No it's a bundle of anxiety and other such troubles that can really cause issues if not dealt with, people just like to yell hysteria because it sounds scary" he explained "Have you been having any headaches? issues sleeping?"

"A little actually"

"See, but it fine very easily fixed up," He says "Will you lie down for me?"

"Alright, but if you pull out a saw I'm kicking you in the crotch" I warn moving to lie on my bed 

"No saw, you just need a little massage that's all" he reassured 

"That does sound nice" I smiled 

"You ready?"

"I guess"

"Good, any discomfort let me know" he smiled setting his left hand on my stomach firmly but not pushing more settled there but firm enough to not move "knees up"

"Are you sure?" 

"Trust me"

"Alright..." I nervously did as he asked putting my knees up and setting my feet on my bed 

"Perfect, now just relax for me" he reassured his right hand touching my ankle and moving up my leg towards my

"Hey!" I said sitting up "What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

"It's a normal part of the procedure just stay relaxed okay" He reassured 

"I'm watching you Dr Dawkins" I glared

"I know, you're watching me" he laughed as his hand moved up and softly stroked the lips of my pussy immediately I gasped and glared at him but he merely continued I did my best to just stare up at the ceiling unsure how to feel exactly not being helped by the fact even looking at the ceiling I still saw him in my view loomed over me, as he slipped a finger inside of me it felt so nice his slender strong fingers moving to rub and push gently massaging me from the inside "Everything alright?" 

"Uhh yeah" I nodded sheepishly 

"Good, you have a lot of pressure built up" He says 

"I do?" 

"Yeah I'm gonna have to be a little more aggressive let me know if it's too much okay?" He says his massaging and rubbing now became much harder I did my best to bite my lip and not react to the feeling building between my legs the likes of which I had only really felt in small doses myself now feeling it building without hesitation or my own control, 

"It's fine" I gulped 

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah" I nodded

"It'll all be okay once we get this sorted," He says getting faster even slipping in another finger working them in tandem to send bubbles of pleasure through me by now I was really struggling almost drawing blood from my lip trying not to gasp too much or reveal to him just how much it was making me feel giggly. "Just a little more..." He says his fingers getting more intense 

I gripped my sheets in a death-like grip, my vision flooding with bubbles, my whole body shook, uncontrollably I squealed and even squirted on his hand and the bed as waves of pleasure washed from my curled toes to the very tips of my fingers

"There we go, perfect." he smiled taking his hand away and cleaning it off "That should clean up any potential hysteria but the key is preventative measures and up-to-date treatment" He explained 

"Uhhh okay" I gasped sitting up a little 

"Preventative, gets some sleep. Stay off the sugary treats. and maybe have a day where you loosen your corset a little"

"Okay" I nodded 

"And as far as treatment goes, weekly appointments should curve the hysteria." 

"Weekly?" 

"Yes weekly, I'll handle it till we know when the other doctor is coming back that alright?"

"Yeah that uhh that's fine, so I'll be seeing you every week?" 

"Every week, Pop into my office one day next week so long as that's okay with you?"

"That's fine Dr Dawkins" I blushed "I'll be happy to is uhh Thursday alright" I giggled 

"Thursday is perfect for me," 

"Good," I smiled nuzzling into his neck a little 

"uhh? You wanna get down?"

"Okay" I smiled 

"Alright, here we go" He smiled picking me up and helping me off the bed given my legs were utterly jelly "Now, I'll see you Thursday and I need to let your father know what we've done today"

"Ohh Uhh maybe don't tell my father" I blushed

"I have to bill him for something? Don't worry I'll keep your privacy" he reassured before taking his things "Good evening Miss Y/l/n"

"Good evening Dr Dawkins" I giggled before he left my room and I collapsed back on my bed "Whoa-" 

I smiled climbing into my hot steamy bathtub and letting it relax my body, but I didn't want to waste time grabbing my soap and scrubbing my skin within an inch of its life being a tad more aggressive than I likely needed to be but I wanted to make sure I was lovely and clean. I slowly climbed out and got dry doing my hair in a sweet beautiful style, getting into one of my prettiest day dresses and heading out.

I smiled as I waited patiently doing my best not to bite my lip or seem too excited.

"Ahh there you are Miss y/l/n" The doctor smiled as he came from his office cleaning his hands on a dirty rag "I was wondering when I'd see you" He chuckled "Shall we then?"

"Absolutely Dr Dawkins" I giggled happily following him into the office

"Here we are, up you go," he said tapping the table

"Yes doctor" I smiled climbing up onto the table

"Ohh before I forget," he said grabbing a pillow from his own office chair and giving it a plump before setting it on the table and tapping it invitingly

"Aww How kind of you" I smiled laying down and settling on the pillow

"Well this isn't my usual business so I want to make sure you're comfortable" he smiled "So? All ready?"

"All ready" I smiled

"You mind lifting your dress?"

"Of course sorry" I blushed moving my legs and my dress

"Perfect, It's such a lovely dress I don't want to damage it"

"That's very kind of you doctor" I smiled as I felt his hand moving up my skirt I did my best to bite my lip but not look too eager but the moment his hand made contact I struggled not to moan as his fingers found their way inside me 

"Ohh my, very tense today." He says "You been doing what I recommended?"

"Yes doctor"

"Alright, we'll see how it goes today we might have to give you a few extra appointments"

"More appointments?"

"we might have to."

"Well if you think so doctor" I blushed feeling the intense pleasure from his fingers until I bit my mouth hard gripping the table as I reached my orgasm 

"There we are" He smiled "All done"

"Thank you doctor" I smiled sitting up and doing my best not to turn red 

"Did you want a hand getting down?"

"Yes please" I nodded he happily picked me up letting me nuzzle into his neck as he helped me to my feet 

"There now get yourself home and I'll see you next week"

"Yes doctor" I nodded 

[theabigailthorn]

what made you decide to get an instagram/tiktok?

Great question! After the NHS video a bunch of people signed up for my Patreon. As far as I'm concerned that money isn't mine, it's my patrons', so it wouldn't be right for me to spend it on myself. I need to spend it on making Philosophy Tube better. I thought about what the show might need, and my ideas were:

A) a video editor, or B) a social media manager

I decided against hiring an editor pretty quickly because I like doing the editing myself - it's often where the last mile of creative inspiration comes. Yes it's HARD WORK but I like giving it that personal touch.

I already knew that if I wanted to show to keep growing and keep reaching new audiences I'd need to get on Instagram and TikTok. Especially TikTok - that's just where the audiences are now. It's one of the most used search engines in the world and it's where the 13-18 demographic are. Whether I like it or not that's just a fact, and I can either accept it and work with it or ignore it and face the consequences.

And you might ask, "Well why does the show need to grow, why not keep it as it is?!" Good question! The natural tendency of YouTube channels and Patreon pages is they shrink: people gradually drop off, they move on to another creator, their life circumstances change and they don't watch as much YouTube anymore - all totally natural and understandable life reasons why entertainment products get affected by entropy. So if you want to keep going at all you need to be reaching new audiences.

I decided to take the money the new patrons had given me and invest it back into the show - put their money on the screen rather than in my pocket. They gave me that money cause they want more Philosophy Tube, and this was the best way I could think of to ensure that more gets made. It's very early days but I'm enjoying it so far and I've also been getting a fair bit of creative inspiration from trying out a new skill set!

It's a bit scary and anxiety-provoking, and I've already noticed an uptick in transphobic abuse since we launched, but I've got a good safety net and good working practices set up to keep me healthy and safe. My social media manager and I have wargamed various worst case scenarios and we're checking in regularly to see what's working and what's not.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

His avoidance

I read this quote a few days ago and it reminded me of these two:

Source: Marriage.com YES! MARRIAGE DOT COM LOLOLOL!

So since I already went over her avoidant behavior 🔗 that might have as well cost us SYDCARMY this season:

Now I am gonna be fair because Carmy is avoidant too but differently. They are like "50 shades of I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS, I RATHER COOK".

And in the bonus track, I will focus on the only great part of being a master avoidant.

So, Carmy... His avoidant behavior is a different shade of avoidance because while also being a defense mechanism, it is rooted in his C-PTSD, which he described in the AA meeting S1 monologue pretty well. He grew up in a totally different environment than Syd 🔗 but he also felt lonely and that scared him emotionally.

Avoidance resulted from that emotional scaring process that affects him even to this day. C-PTSD and PTSD are not the same, so it's important not to misdiagnose the two. Also, C-PTSD can cause autobiographical memory gaps but it only affects functional memory.

That being said, Carmy is extremely self-aware because he is an introvert. My theory also includes his AUADHD type, but I will not dive into that neurodivergency in this post, I will focus on his introverted type and avoidant behavior. That self-awareness is what differentiates him the most from Sydney who is an ambivert (extra-introvert). She defaults to denial, and he defaults to sublimation.

I went over his sublimation several times:

Here 🔗

Here 🔗

And here 🔗

Yeah... I gave it some thought ok?

Carmy doesn't avoid feeling, he avoids acknowledging, but he's not in full-on denial, he just dances around an idea, a concept he's fully aware of, and then decides to disregard it thinking that by doing so it will disappear. It doesn't and then it becomes ART.

It becomes ANGER.

It becomes INSOMNIA.

Just like in Syd's case, it becomes PANIC/ANXIETY.

It becomes ADDICTION.

It becomes silence that feels like something crashing his chest and not letting him say the words he wants to say OR cry. It becomes PARALISYS.

And he runs away from it by cooking or sketching, smoking, etc. Instead of facing it even if it hurts, elaborating on it and letting it out verbally, crying his heart out if necessary, and eventually healing.

I am positive that ended in 03x10 when he was strong enough to confront his nemesis and then have a good cry, finally!!! I was sooo happy for him, it broke my heart, but I was happy. He's finally on the mend.

Carmy will continue avoiding feelings he doesn't feel ready to cope with, deflecting and diverting to other stuff to fool himself, sure!

But this will not traumatize him anymore.

He will go about it differently now that he can let out certain things that were stuck in him for far too long. This will also enable other "un-stuck" processes, such as finally leaving C behind after having an adult conversation / giving that relationship the closure it deserves, which he has been avoiding since last season.

But for that, he will have to quit avoiding the reason why he stalled it in the first place, which I explained → here 🔗

I am sure S4 will be all about that because that's exactly where he ended last season, so it's the logical progression:

I bet everything on his success.

Avoidants are masters of the unspoken communication

Bonus track: Both Carmy and Syd are masters of unspoken communication, that's also why they end up overdoing it, they end up abusing that skill they have and it turns counterproductive. But it is a skill nonetheless. THOSE LOOKS, THOSE SILENCES, THAT UNSPOKEN LOVE, THEY CAN SAY IT ALL WITHOUT PRONOUNCING A SINGLE WORD OR BETWEEN THE LINES OF THE FEW WORDS THEY SAY. THEIR TRADE MARK. THEY MASTER SILENCES AND INFLECTIONS LIKE NO OTHERS. THEY CAN SAY IT ALL "DIFFERENTLY".

They got this. Let's give them more time. S4 is gonna be all about them learning to use their words "properly" after they stop avoiding the conversation they owe each other.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[yandere-fics]

♡ Sawyer With Darling Who Is Like A Sister To Her ♡

(Doesn't make sense really but I wanted to be horny so excuse the canon divergence. Sawyer found you when she was younger and you were like her sister but later on the gods paired everyone with the person they were mostly compatible with and you became her soulmate. She tried to ignore it for years but you made it impossible to keep ignoring.)

You didn't know why you felt so nervous walking into her office today, your sister gave you everything you wanted as long as you asked but for some reason it just felt wrong to ask her for this. You were a grown adult though, you had been for a few centuries having the same lifespan as her now and what not but this felt like something you weren't allowed to have, she'd give you anything you asked for but it felt like this was where the line was drawn. Still you had to give it a try, you couldn't remain a single virgin your entire life and to be honest you needed your own partner to help you get over the crush you'd had on Sawyer your whole lives despite her being your adopted sister.

"Sawyer, can I ask for something?" She glanced up from her paper as you entered her office, your escort team quickly leaving as she pointed for you to come sit on her lap as you asked, she always did this which just made it even harder to feel confident in asking her for this. Plus if she did give you this, it would likely be the last time you sat on her lap asking for something since you'd be too excited living it up with your new companion, though it felt gross to think about it for some reason but that was just anxiety speaking. "I want a companion."

"My beloved sister, we already have a few dogs and a cat, are those not enough?" She furrowed her brows at you, she knew what you meant but she was hoping you wouldn't have the confidence to clarify what you meant and just go along with the assumption, how frustrating that you merely thought of her as your sister, she knew someday you might request a lover of your own considering the supernaturals all had soulmates and while she strong enough to be only your doting sister, not even holding you or being close to you in her heats even though her instincts were screaming at her to be close to you, but she wasn't strong enough or kind enough to watch you be close to anyone else. It was not happening.

"I want a mate-" She interrupted you with a loud frustrated sigh, both her hands settling on your hips, forcing you to straddle her so you couldn't look away from her face. "But I want a lover of my own!"

"Is that so... I suggest you put this topic away forever if you don't want to have everything ruined for you, I will not have my little sister getting with anyone, didn't we promise to live together forever? Well I refuse to have anyone else in OUR penthouse." She sighed placing her head on your shoulder and just deeply breathing for a second before lifting her head and releasing her hold. "I suggest you run along now, I'll buy you something nice tomorrow."

"This isn't fair Sawyer! I don't want to be single my whole life! Sawyer, I'm going to be very blunt, I want to lose my virginity but can't because you're meddling in my love life." She paused, ah so that's what this was about. Well you had always been very voracious, she often saw you withdraw money only to find out you went into a sex toy store and didn't want her to know about the purchase even though when you used them she could smell it all over the penthouse testing her limits even further.

"So that's what it's about, I see, well you really should have just asked." She lifted you up and bent you over her desk, causing you to yelp in surprise as she yanked down your pants and panties, her face inches away from you. "All you have to do is ask and I'll give it to you."

"W-what-" "Ask me to fuck you, I'll be your companion. Ask." Your cheeks flushed as you timidly asked her to be your companion. "Good girl, things didn't have to be this difficult, my beloved sister."

[traumacatholic]

Finally kind of feel in a position where I can post this. I realise that my last post and long disappearance was probably of great concern to some people, and I am deeply sorry for any worry or pain that I've caused other people with that long disappearance. There was a lot going on in my life, including moving house. And I think the longer I took a break from Tumblr, the more daunting it came to come back. But the fact of the matter is, I've cried over this blog a lot. Or rather, I've cried over the followers of this blog and the people that have engaged with it. I have been dealing with a great sense of guilt. Guilt that I've let you guys down. Guilt that I've betrayed you in some way.

Something that always pained me, was the reality of my own struggle to access mental health support. It's an unfortunate reality, that no matter how many times we might work to raise awareness, and tackle stigma surrounding mental health (particularly complex mental health issues like OCD or PTSD or Schizophrenia, etc). That this doesn't do much to tackle the core issue that's the main struggle for people: accessible healthcare. Be that to do with any financial costs or lengthy waiting lists or other issues. There was a sense of deep guilt of encouraging people to seek help, whilst also being fully aware that they might be even more disheartened if they reached out for help and were unable to get anything substantial. I would never want to build someone's hopes up in order to then shatter them. I've experienced it all too much with trying to access support on my own.

I also felt really guilty running this blog when I was struggling with Church attendance. It felt like I was lying about my piety, to people that were desperately trying to fight to be able to attend their Church and to be a part of Church life. I'm in a city now, and I've started attending Church regularly. I've been trying to get into the practice of daily prayer, and the daily readings of theological texts alongside Scripture. Some days are better than others, but then I guess that's always going to be the case. Something that was really deeply meaningful to me during RCIA was being told that conversion to the faith wasn't a one and done thing. Each day, we are constantly converting back. We are constantly returning to God and being renewed in our relationship with God, no matter how far we stumble or what kind of problems we stumble into - willing and unwillingly.

And this is where it gets, I guess, the scariest. I've been dealing a lot with anxieties and doubts surrounding my faith. Not in the, "Hey guys sorry I've taken a break and became atheist" kind of way. But I've been feeling a strong pull towards Orthodox Christianity. And the Church I've been attending, has been an Orthodox one. I don't know. It feels weird to type that one out. It felt so weird to call myself Catholic for a long time. And then I became so happy of the title, and I loved the faith. I still do, love Catholicism. But I think this is something I need to explore. I've been feeling the draw to Orthodoxy for a long time, and I always kept pushing it away. But I think the only real way I can really address it, is by actually giving it a fair chance and exploration.

I don't know what I'll do with this blog. I don't intend to delete it - I think there are still people that can find help and comfort from the prayers that I've posted. I do have a new Tumblr, where I post excerpts from Orthodox texts I've been reading. I do still feel really strongly about helping people struggling with mental and physical health issues, trauma survivors etc. I care intensely about that work. And it's why this post pains me so much. I still want to be able to give you guys help, you can always send a message over to my new blog @orthodoxadventure if you're in need of any prayers or advice surrounding mental health/trauma etc (also despite the circumstances, I did go through RCIA, and if anyone has any questions surrounding it, I'll try my best to answer) , and I think I'm going to make it a habit to check the blog here.

I'm deeply sorry to anyone that I've hurt by doing this. I would really appreciate your prayers. None of this is, particularly easy. I feel like I've let down and hurt so many people. But I also knew that the more I tried to resist the interest of Orthodoxy, the more I felt that I was letting myself down and letting my relationship with God down. Maybe in some time, I will return to Catholicism, much more content and happy and more knowledgeable in that choice. Maybe I will go further down the path to the Orthodox Church. But I knew I couldn't just feel like I was sitting on the fence any longer. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for this, and I intend to keep you all in my prayers.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

One Fan’s Thoughts on 9-1-1 Season 7

(fair warning this is about to be a long ass rant post so buckle up; if you, like me, get anxiety over speculation and discussion of the show, this may not be the post for you to read… but i need to get my thoughts out there because i have kept them bottled up for so long that it is taking a mental toll on me.)

there’s something so gutwrenching about laying awake in bed thinking about how you have been the closest you’ve ever been to actually seeing a queer ship you’ve stuck with for six years actually going canon just to be hit with an immensely overwhelming sense of doubt because every time the story presents a natural path to develop in that direction, the writers completely veer off in an insanely different direction despite constantly trying to push this narrative of “if it goes there naturally” while ignoring the plethora of times it already has gone there naturally but has been passed over for some insanely far-fetched plotline that contradicts points that have been set up in the past…

i’m not trying to put a dampner on things or worry anyone, and like i mentioned in my previous post i am NOT closing on buddie, but i still can’t help but feel cinical and pessimistic about it when it feels like Tim is just blatantly baiting us at this point. Like at times it doesn’t even feel like he’s actually open to exploring buddie when he is constantly retconning his own storylines from previous seasons, and making excuses every time he deliberately chooses to ignore the countless number of chances that crop up in the story, instead deciding that because he wants to redo hitchcock he’s going to rewrite the history he created in order to fit a convoluted plotline that borders on farse just to a) not give fans what they have been begging for for years, b) shoehorn in his vertigo fanfiction, c) stir up drama rather than actually giving us something pointing in a positive direction to combat the 5000 other depressing plotlines he’s trying to cram into a 10 episode season.

i really thought tim was going to bring back the old vibe we had before KR took over and messed things up, but so far this season has felt like a jam-packed rushed mess that resembles a middle schooler’s first forray into a wattpad angst fic, and it’s disheartening to have sat with the show since the first season just to see it fall off so hard w s6 b, only to rebuild hope that things might go back to normal w s7, just for it to spiral even further into jump-the-shark territory.

And this is not just about buddie. There have been numerous times this season that have just been recycled plot points from previous seasons rather than something new and fresh, simply for the sake of melodrama. Old plotlines that had been seemingly finished are being rehashed and recontextualized out of nowhere, characters are getting entire traits and development completely rewritten and replaced with something almost unrecognizable to newer fans, there has been very little positivity within the narrative to allow us to breathe between traumatic moments, and the few positive moments we have received have been lukewarm at best, and have done nothing but cause derision and hate to be spread throughout the fandom.

PR for this season has been a mess. At times it feels like Oliver Stark is the only actor who exists on the show, and that Buck is somehow the titular character— not that Buck’s coming out storyline is not important, it absolutely is, but the entire season should not be focused solely on him just because of a two episode arc that honestly didn’t tell us anything new about him besides canonically confirming what we’ve known to be true since the second season.

We have cast members stirring up drama by indulging fans through paid video responses, and cast members on live getting asked to weigh in on fandom drama that they honestly have no reason to be involved in. We have news outlets constantly being approved by the PR team to ask questions about a popular ship to bait viewers into watching the show when there has not been any concrete evidence either way of whether or not they actually plan to go there, dragging things out for another season when they have no confirmation yet in whether or not they will get a 9th season (and if they do, probably coming up with some other bullshit reason to drag things out), confirming that certain plot points were planned to happen in the past but for some reason now they are like “but that’s not what we’re doing anymore so you have to live with present and be happy with what you get.”

There is no reason why 6 years can’t be a long enough time for a slow burn. There is no reason for characters to be given increasingly convoluted arcs that callback to plotlines that have been otherwise nonexistent for years at this point. There is no reason to drag fans of a ship along just because you’re too scared to lose they’re viewership rather than just flat out saying “no we aren’t ever going to do it” or actually committing to it one of the hundreds of times the story opens a path to it.

No, the choices made this season were not “the only way” we could have been given the same dramatic beats. The choices made have not been some sort of end all be all to the story with no other possible outcome. Tim did not need to send the show off the rails the way he has just because he wants drama. Yes it’s a drama show, but there also need to be moments to breathe. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesn’t mean you can’t let characters be happy. Yes it’s a drama show, but that doesnt mean you have to fuck up the narrative every time it starts going in the direction of something the fans have begged for for years just because you don’t want to give it to them.

It’s disappointing to see how careless they are being with things this season when previous seasons the actors and writers have been so cautious about what was said about buddie. now we have every interview mentioning buddie in some way, yet we only get told “idk 🤷” and see nothing concrete in the story to firmly hint one way or the other. It’s disappointing when you start feeling like you are being dragged along because a corporation knows that ship baiting won’t ever actually backfire/have a negative affect on them, so it ends up being a lose-lose situation for the fandom.

Maybe it’s because I have been burned too msny times by TV shows in the past, but nothing about this season or the PR surrounding it has given me faith that Tim or the writers actually care about anything other than viewership. Otherwise we would be seeing clear signs of the growing seeds of buddie, but so far all we’ve seen is the same framing choices that we’ve seen in every other season that are being made to deliberately keep buddie fans drawn in and theorizing when the writers have most likely already thrown out any plans that there might have ever been for buddie to go canon.

Mostly, I am disappointed in the fact that Oliver has been so heavily involved in pushing buddie speculation after being so careful to not lead people on in the past- i know that some believe that this was a sign that buddie is coming and he knows it is, but as the season draws to a close it feels more like he is just showing where his loyalty lies even though he knows the show isn’t going to take it there. I am not blaming oliver for buddie not going canon or trying to insinuate that he is queerbaiting in any way, but i can’t help but feel like i wouldn’t be so dejected about the way this season is going if he hadn’t started interacting with and sharing buddie content before any sort of confirmation was given.

now do not get me wrong i absolutely ADORE oliver and i am not in any way trying to attack him or speak against him in any way, I am simply saying that his sudden vocal support and campaigning for buddie is only going to add on to my disappointment in heaps if they don’t make buddie canon, especially after JLH said Tim made Madney happen bc she asked for it, but he still hasn’t made any sort of definitive move towards buddie after the same amount of time.

and lastly my disappointment also lies with the fact that ryan’s acting ability has been wasted on this crackfic plot… ryan is one of the most underutilized dramatic actors on the show, and the fact that the only serious arc he has gottne this season isn’t even that serious because of how out of character and preposterous it is is really disappointing. ryan deserves better, and eddie deserves better, and it is disappointing seeing him acting his entire heart and sole out in a plotline that makes his character out to be the bad guy in the situation when this is something eddie would never do under normal circumstances. Ryan’s talent has once again only been used to show trauma and this time it wasn’t even trauma that feels natural within the story, and especially after his recent interview it disappoints me that we are once again reiterating that eddie is somehow mentally unstable enough to have an emotional affair with a woman he knows nothing about just because she looks like shannon. Eddie has simultaneously had so much yet so little development, and seeing some of the theories of where his character is going in the context of ryan saying s8 will be a “reset” for eddie doesn’t fill me with excitement over where his story is going and actually makes me worried that we are going to see regression rather than progress for the sake of drama… i just don’t want to see eddie’s character revamped to a point where he has lost all of his development from the past 6 seasons just because Tim wanted to turn eddie’s plotline into a melodramatic telenovela.

Anyway, sorry for the rant— maybe it’s the stuff that’s going on in my personal life combined with the fear of getting played by yet another network tv show ship baiting that’s making me feel this way, but this season has left me feeling so pessimistic and cynical about the show as a whole, but mostly about buddie and it hurts. I love both of these characters dearly, and i want them to finally understand that everything they’ve ever needed in life they have in each other, but it feels like ever time we are on the verge, another wild card is played and it’s getting old atp.

i don’t say any of this to cause an argument. i don’t say any of this to poke and prod at people. i say this as someone who has loved this show and given it 7 years of my life who feels like my experience as a fan is being shat on in favor of melodrama rather than thoughtful storytelling… not to say there haven’t been really good moments this season, but overall, it has really soured things for me the way Tim has handled/taken the narrative in many ways, and I don’t know if I will be able to watch season 8 until i see concrete evidence that things will be better. i am not kidding when i say this takes the spot as my least favorite season after season 6, regardless of if we get any hope or not next ep… and that is what upsets me.

[heyyyharry]

Loved the flatmate series!! Can you write some more blurbs pls

I haven't written a flatmate blurb in a while, but enjoy! :)

.

They were here again. Y/N knew it.

Every day she came home after a class, and every time her flatmate's friends were in her living room. At least she had her room to escape to, but she still paid rent every month, so she should be entitled to use the communal areas without the fear of being talked to.

Well, none of them actually talked to her, though, and that made her feel even worse.

"Hello, hello," Harry said when she came in.

He didn't even bother to turn his eyes away from the football game on TV. There might have been a goal, or one of the players did something outrageous, making him and the other boys -- Niall, Liam, and Louis -- scream and bury their faces in their hands.

"Oh, you ferking idiot!" Niall said.

"Should have been a penalty," Harry sighed, shaking his head.

Y/N rolled her eyes. She'd seen him play football, and even though she didn't know much about the sports, she still thought he was pretty shit. But clearly, he would know more than these professional players.

The sound of the front door open and shut caused her to turn around. Layla strutted in like her name was on the lease. "Hello, bitches," she said to the boys and breezed right past Y/N as if Y/Nweres a ghost.

Y/N's jaw was on the floor as she watched Layla head to the kitchen area and open the fridge to grab the milk before moving on to Y/N's mug collection in the cupboard and picking one of her favs.

"Harry, did you get herbal tea like I asked you to?" Layla asked, annoyed when she only saw the English Breakfast in the cupboard.

That's it, Y/N thought, fuming, and cleared her throat. Nobody batted an eye, so she raised her voice when she spoke, "Harry."

"Yeah?"

"A word, please?"

"Sure. Just five more minutes."

"Now."

Harry looked up, lips quivering, puppy dog eyes blinking at her, but she only stared back with a poker face until he dropped that fake expression and got up, sighing.

"Be right back," he said, moving away from the sofa now. "And Layla. Your herbal tea is in that Tesco bag."

"Yay!" Layla said and started digging through the grocery bag on the counter.

Y/N grabbed Harry's wrist and dragged him into his room.

"Hey, if we're gonna have sex, at least give me ten minutes to clear my bed," he said jokingly when she sat down on his bed.

She made a face, disgusted. Clearing your filthy bed would take at least a month." Then she looked around. "You know what? A flamethrower would fix the problem."

"What are you talking about? My room exudes manliness."

She didn't have time to argue with him as he clearly enjoyed the attention. "Let's get straight to the point," she said, squaring her shoulders.

He stood in front of her, arms crossed, back against his wardrobe. "Sure."

"This has to stop. Your friends can't be here 24/7."

"They're only here during the day."

"Yes! The only time they're not here is when we're sleeping. Otherwise I would be so sleep-deprived!" Y/N said. "Look, I have class in the morning and afternoon and my part-time job. I just want to go home to peace and quiet."

"You must be fun at parties."

"I'm really not. I don't go to parties for this very reason." She got up, staring up at him. She hated that he was tall because she never succeeded in trying to look intimidating while confronting him. But to be fair, it was hard to be intimidating when you had crippling anxiety.

"Your friends go or I will."

"What?"

"You heard me. Your friends go or I will move out after this month. This just gives me PTSD about my previous roommate in the student halls, and I don't want to go through it again."

"Alright, alright. I never thought it was this serious," he huffed, shoving his hand into his hair. "What if I tell them to be quieter?"

"That's impossible."

"Hey, my friends are capable of being quiet and respecting other people's boundaries," he said, but she didn't think he believed it himself.

Still, she agreed, "Fine. Talk to them then. Thanks for this efficient discussion."

Before he could say anything else, she pushed back him and went to her room.

***

Something was definitely wrong.

Today, Y/N came home and saw Harry's friends' shoes in the hall, but it was so silent in the flat. She couldn't hear the sound of the telly when she came in, not even Layla's annoying voice talking shit about a different person as she did every week.

"Hi?" she said, stopping in the doorway to the living room/kitchen area.

"Hey," they said at the same time and went back to doing their thing. Niall and Harry were watching football, but the TV was on mute. Layla was on her phone, and so was Louis.

"No way," Louis gasped, and Harry immediately shushed him.

"Sorry," Louis whispered, going back to texting.

It took Y/N a minute to realise he was texting Layla, who was sitting right beside him.

"Why aren't you guys talking?"

Ding. Her phone in her pocket vibrated. She looked up to catch Niall staring at her, phone in his hand. Had he just texted her?

She quickly checked the message.

Niall: Harry forbad us from talking

"Harry, really?" Y/N said. "This is ridiculous. Are you seriously doing this to mock me?"

"No," he whispered, not taking his eyes off the game on the TV.

"And what are you even watching? How do you know what's happening when it's mute?"

"We know how football works."

"Don't sass me with your creepy whispery voice."

"Just go do your thing and let us be, please," he said like he'd just lost his voice.

It was making her very frustrated, so she decided to head back to her room. Before she shut the door, however, she heard Layla speak.

"I kinda agree with her. This is ridiculous. I'm literally texting Louis when he's right next to me."

"I promised her we'd be quiet. So try to act like you guys aren't really here now that she's home."

"We can just go hang somewhere else?" Louis said.

"As if that was an option," Harry said. "You and Niall share a flat with five other people. Layla and Trix live in the student halls and I can barely fit her tiny single bed."

"Ew, you'll never get into my bed."

"The point is," Harry lowered his voice. "I'm showing Y/N that I'll go to the extreme to keep my word."

"Or...you can let her move out and put up an ad for her room. I'm sure there would be a long list of applications for you to choose from," Louis said.

"Hey, Y/N is cool," Harry said, to Y/N's surprise. He thought she was...cool? Her? Cool? "Besides, she...knows me. And I don't think anyone new will tolerate me the way she does. She's given me so many second chances, and I really don't want to fuck it up. So when she's not here, do whatever you want, because I love you guys and I want you to feel comfortable. But when she's home, respect her personal space. And Layla, those mugs are Y/N's so the next time you make tea, use mine. Y/N never says it, but I know she hates people using her stuff."

"Wow," Layla scoffed. "Okay, Ryan Gosling from The Notebook."

"I respect your decision, Harry," Niall said. Then Y/N heard them silently cheering for a goal.

[ldrfanatic]

Hiii! How are you?

Milk with slytherin boys please?

I apologize in advance this is my first time making a request so i hope its ok :)

Physically: i'm short 5'0, i have fair skin, rosy cheeks, i'm a little chubby, i have an hourglass body shape, a little tummy, thicc thighs, i have a small button nose, a heartshaped face, foggy green eyes, hooded lids, i have meduim size lips? If that makes sense. I have dyed copper hair, bangs, a long wolfcut type of haircut, my hair go down to the middle of my back. About me: i'm French,i can speak english, sign language and learning italian. i'm funny. I'm autistic, and i have general anxiety disorder, i have verbal tics, i often do 'pop' sounds with my mouth or reapete things out loud sometimes on a loop, (TW: I grew up in an abusing setting and i have scars, bad ones, especially on my back.) I'm insecure. My love language is giving the bigger half when i'm sharing, or giving anything really. The Way i liked to be loved is through words of affirmation and physical touch. I'm very forging, I like to make my own opinion on people, i'm the mom friends. I have a short temper when i'm stressed, i am very blunt, i'm not scared to speak my mind, of i like people i compare them to bugs or animals as they are my special intrests. If i had to describe my style it would be fairy grunge? Like long skirts, knitted sweaters (the soft kind not witchy cause few sensory issues), converses or sandales, golf jewlery i can also be dressed in full black, form fitting maxi dress with new rock or naked wolfe type of shoes. I love music, anything. And i mean it. Pop, alt, rock, metal, screamo, indie, country, rap. But mostly 2000s 2010s music for the nostalgia. My favorite s'ingère is Billie Eilish. I love doing crafts, i do crochet, i love reading books (dark romance/fantaisie/fiction) i'm a 'nerd', i love happy Potter, lord of the rings, the Hobbit, i love vampires, i love video games, such as animal crossing, SIMS unpacking, and cozy games but as the last of us, the walking dead, until dawn, the quart etc. I have a black cat. I'm a picky eater, potatos are my safe food though, i'm more of a sweet person than savory, brownies are my favorite desserts, I smell like vanilla. Roses and hydrangeas are my favorite flowers. I love trinkets, i collect pretty much any pretty thing i find, twigs, Shells, rocks, little lost things like beeds, crystals, sometimes little toys. I love plushies, i have a teddy bear and a white tiger. I'm a night owl. I love looking at the moon (i have a moon phase tattoo between my boobs. And sun tattoos around my nipples ) i also love taking pictures especially polaroid of people and animals :)

I hope that was enough, thank you for taking time out of your day to read, and thank you for writting.

Again, CONGRATS ON THE 1,000💕💃🏻

Much love ♡

Thank You Soooo Much @alygatorcow !!

1000 follower celebration my bookcase

This one took some thinking but I’m gonna pair you with our sweet Theodore Nott. I know what you might be thinking but hear me out.

Theo is a little tall but he lovesss having short girlfriends. (even if you were 5’7 tho he’d still adore you). Theo likes that you’re all cute and little and he can just hug you and you fit so easily in his arms. (I have a tall bf yall and he tells me all the time how cute and “widdle” I am).

He also adores your figure and won’t accept anything else for an answer. His mother always taught him that the most important thing in a woman is a good heart. really though, he just loves thick thighs and likes having something to hold onto.

Theo thinks that it’s really hot that you can speak French. He helps you learn italian and you try and help teach him french but he struggles enough sometimes with english so that endeavor was quickly put on hold.

At first, the noises you make are very foreign to Theodore, but once he understands them and you, he comes to appreciate them as just a part of who you are and he loves you for it.

Growing up with his father, who used to hit him and his mother, Theo also has scars. He doesn’t like to talk about them but he will with you if you want him to. More than anything, Theo tries to comfort you. He knows what it’s like to have that sort of background and when people get angry, he knows that it comes from a place of care but also he realizes that he always finds it more helpful when people are just there for him rather than when they get angry. So that’s what he does for you.

Finally, Theo loves your tattoos and your style. He really has a thing for your long skirts he thinks they make you look very fairy like and ethereal. He’s not a night owl I wouldn’t say, but it’s very cute when he tries to stay up as late as possible with you. His eyes will get all droopy and his accent will get a little thicker. He will however, do really sweet romantic gestures for you that are very personal like creating or buying you a display case that you can put all the stuff you collect and he will listen to you talk about all of it for hours on end.

theo’s nicknames for you include:

- love bug

- piccola fata (little fairy)

- sunflower (given to you after a particularly cute little date to a sunflower field)

tysm for this request!!! tysm for being a follower and let me know if I got anything wrong. I tried to include as much information as possible without making it like a book for you to read 😅💚

[royalwriteroftheuniverse]

Holiday party with Andy

Mostly fluff tiny bit of angst some anxiety Andy Barber slightly older than his girlfriend and fluffyness but 18+ just incase

Comments & reblogs welcome no reposting or publishing

Special thanks to @cevansbrat0007

"Hey sweetheart you don’t have to be nervous look-"

"It’s not that I just I want to make a good impression on them"

"I don’t give a shit what they think from a 2 hr party with an introduction that lasts 3 minutes. I’m not going to break up with you just because someone goes 'I don’t like her.' Because  I love her and that’s all that matters beautiful" he kisses my head. 

He said he loved me he never said that before I wonder if he realizes he just said that 

“Hun you hear me.”

“Yea,"

 "If you don’t want to go you don’t have to go.”

“You kidding let all those women and men around you with alcohol in their systems and their work guard down. Hell no. I gotta steak my claim.”

"You steamed your claim"

"Um not to them. Now either I go or I give you a giant hicky"

"Either, or can't be both?" 

"Andy"

"What? It’s a valid question."

I roll my eyes.  

"Ok pants or dress"I swear I can see his eyes darker. "That’s not why I asked  I meant and that’s not happening."

"Spoilsport"

"You need to stop watching "The Good Fight." 

"Pants I know you feel more comfortable than the dress even though I like it better." 

I get a kiss on my hair. 

"Yea but it's cold"

"He smiles you can wear your velvet one."

He hasn't seen me in the velvet one it barely covers my butt, but then again slightly tispy jealousy Andy is fun to play with, "Hey we're taking a Lyfy tonight, right."

Yea why?

 "Just wondering"

Why plan on getting drunk on eggnog? 

I roll my eyes 

"One time it was one time and didn't it didn't taste like alcohol how was I supposed to know-"

"Mhm This is not a trial Missy." He grabs my hips bringing me close to him. 

"Don't missy me," I pout "I don't like being made fun of."

"I'm sorry babe you know I love you," he says wrapping his arms around my neck giving my temple a soft kiss. That's the second time he said he loved me in an hour. 

"Ok red velvet dress it is. Only cause you asked so nicely. " But if I get sick-" I point at his. 

He throws his hands up in surrender 

"I will take days off and nurse you back to health."

"Good boy" 

"You trained me well."

We get to the restaurant and I am suddenly regretting my choice of outfits and why does everyone here look so old i mean I know late 40s and 50s but they look like… God I can hear the jokes now about me looking young i feel bad about the jokes they might make to Andy about him and me being a good digger there's only a few years That's not fair its not his fault I look young he shouldn't have to-"

"Hey what's got you so worried Princess? Your coat."

"Oh yeah," I shrugg it off. "Are you sure I can uber home I mean they everyone is and I'm and you don't deserve."

"Hey relax no one is going to make a joke  and if anyone teases you you come get me and ill fire them." 

"K." I can't help but smile "But then who wouldn't want to make up an excuse to try to get you to dump me and date them?"

"Well it wouldn't work." He kisses me.

I give him a smile and then another piece of anxiety hits my brain. 

"I dont know any people he works with what if I seam so stupid and they just think I'm clingy and  I-

"Hey no one is going to think you're stupid. And I like having my arms around you as long as you do"

"Wha- did I say that outloud?"

"No you have different faces for different anxieties."

I groan as he wraps his arms around me. 

"I only noticed cause I pay attention sweetie  and- did that- was that dress always that short?"

"Yes I was wondering why you wanted me to wear it."

"You are not picking up anything this whole night."

"Andy if something falls-"

"I'll pick it up"

"Andrew you started this" 

He pulls me in front of him in a tight hug and then leans in and whispers "and I'm going to finish it." I can hear the smirk. All I want to do is crawl onto bed and sleep. 

"Well if it isn't the love birds."

I relax seeing Duffy.

"Hey nice to see a familiar face."

"I was hoping you two were going to make it. That's a short dress. I don't want to be arresting anyone tonight."

"It was Andy's idea."

"I didn't know the dress was that short." He says with an honest tone his voice raising up at the end defending himself. "But as long as no one touches her there won't be a problem." He says very matter of factly.

"I get a bit of a shiver  and move my shoulders forward at that mention

"Sorry sweetheart i didn't mean to-"

"No its my fault Andy I'm sorry. I "

"It's fine, I'm just glad I have Andy here and you if he gets out of line. " I wink. " plus I don't know anyone besides you two. You should come over soon for dinner."

"I'd love to."

"Do you like steak? Andy bought some for some cookout this fall that we never did and we need to use them or their worthless. I meanz God. didn't mean it like that. Sorry."

"No its fine and I absolutely do love steak."

"Next week?"

"What day?"

"Friday? 7?"

Still in his embrace I look up at Andy who nodded.

"Friday sounds great."

We part ways and we go to get a drink. 

"Oo eggnog."

"No." He laughs

"Why what's in there?"

"Vodka probably."

"I like vodka."

"I know but your migraine meds-"

I took them early afternoon so I don't take them tonight so its not an issue. And its just a cup. 1 cup Andy.  I know you mean well sweetie but trust me I got this." 

"Ok I trust you."

He gets me a cup and he holds my hand or my waist as we talk to people and by we I mean him because I am really really nervous and know no one. I end up playing with his hand a lot.

"Be right back sweetheart I have to go to the bathroom" I not as he says it into my ear and then kisses my temple. 

I intended to go straight to the bar to sit but I get intercepted but 

"Hi I'm Niel"

Andy's fried turned arch nemesis. He's ikier looking in person.   I introduce myself with the kindest I hate you smile I can muster. 

"I haven't seen you around  the office.Are you new?" 

This is his best lines ugh. 

"Uh no I'm here with my boyfriend."

"And he left you alone thats not very boyfriendly."

Neither is hitting on someone like this And I'm getting major creep vibes. 

"Well he-" 

Someone knocks into Neil and the drink accidentally spills on me a bit 

"I am soo sorry" a genuinely-genuine reaction forms on his face and  like a kick almost he changes attitudes to appologize 

"It's fine I'm fine " I back away before he can get napkins and I back into Andy. I know thst body anywhere.  I sigh and close my eyes for a moment of relief knowing he's there. I'm ok and he'd kick ass if I needed.  

"Babe what happened? You ok?" He looks up 

"Niel" he girts out 

"This is your boyfriend-"

"Yes I'm her boyfriend. What happened here? Neil."

"It was an accident." 

"It really was Andy."

"Niel." He growls out.

"Okay. Now that introductions are done. Andy, sweetie" and nope can't break their eye contact so I step in front of him. Bringing his eyes back to me "Why don't you come with me to the bathroom and help me get this out ok." 

"Yes lets." He takes my hand and then I see him give one last menacing look at Neil. 

I go into the women's bath. 

"Hello, anyone here my boy friends helping me with a stain."

No responses so I lock the door."  With a sigh as I lean back on it.

"Hey hey what happened what did Neil say ?"  his voice is soft but his eye furrow and its slits but I can still see his hands being forced out of fists by his own mind. At least he's trying. 

"He was just being a creep and someone bumped into him and thats why it spilt but-"

"How creep did he get?"

"The normal I'm used to. nothing I can't handle but I just, I missed you. The minute I bumped into you I knew everything would be ok "

"You knew that was me?"

"Honey I know your chest anywhere."

"What a coincidence I know yours anywhere too." I smile and laugh as my head drops down but when I look back up 

He is still looking at me with sad eyes he knows I'm not telling him everything but he's not pushing. 

"Honey any level of creep is not something you should be used to." His finger brushes my cheek softly.

"He was just hitting on me claiming you weren't being very boyfriendly enough." 

I think I said too much. 

"I'm fine." 

He sighs and wraps his arm around me.

"Are you sure. We can leave."

"And miss out on all that good food?" 

"Anytime you want to go I'll nick Neil out."

"Oka-wait what?"  I laughed. He kissed me and brought me in for a hug. I snacked my hands around his waist. 

"I love you sweetheart" 4th time today makes me smile "I love you too Andy."

He didn't even blink…."You calm enough?"

"Me. Yes?  You. What about that stain?"

"Oh it'll wash out."

I somehow get in a conversation with some wives and he makes sure I'm ok before he goes off to a different conversation himself.  We are ever so in tune and overprotective of each other, probably him more than me knowing I'm nervous we give each other little nods to signal the other is ok.  

When my group breaks up I find Andy immediately even though his group moved a bit.  its like this weird spidy-sense  we have for eachother. I wrap my arms around his waist and he puts his hand over mine. Its the little things that mean the most with us. The little touches the little glasses the little sift kisses.

"Sorry doll this is a private conversation don't think you'd under-."

"Excuse you but my girlfriend is welcome."

"And I just so happen to well  practiced  and versed in constitution law  and since it is a free country with the right to congregate you  can't discrimination against me being a woman as I was invited to the party."

It takes everyone in me not to roll my eyes at Andy who I know is beaming that  A) I remembered my constitutional law class from forever ago and b) the talented way I spin my words i said I was well practiced and verses. Not that it was my job.

A few minutes later I feel a hand slide down my hip I look at Andy and then I follow gaze and to the side of us Neil is in a conversation but obviously staring at my ass. 

"Doesn't he know I'm with you. "

"You ok with my hand there?"

"I didn't move it did i?"

"I love you. I really do. Love you. I don't know if you heard me the last 5 times."

"Actually this was the 5th time."

"So you did hear me," he teases."

Taglist

@nana1000night @sapphire-rogers @coltrainbat @hawkeyes-queen @patzammit @sparklybarbarianninja

[laprimera]

alrighty so after some reflection and getting some outside stuff prioritized Im done some blog housework so I can get comfortable here again.

im still gonna continue my hiatus until november cause the rest of October still has a lot of rl appointments and stuff going on. ill be nuking my ask and drafts to get into maximum turtle plot overdrive and just start things clean, but here's the skinny under cut:

. Ive went and cleaned up my followers list. mostly of inactive blogs, non-mutual or blogs that haven't reached out or interacted at all. I use to think I liked a busier dash but I think trying to keep up with it had been giving me anxiety even if my muses weren't involved in anything plot wise. FOMO has been really killing my vibe more then anything and I need to cut that habit out.

you're a-okay to refollow though! I'll do the same. none of this was done out of malice or a personal dislike, and I get being so busy w/ life and personal plots that you cant interact with everyone in a convenient moment. but if you see this as an opportunity to reach out then by all means! that and I might've accidentally unfollowed one or two of you cause side-blog deal, clumbsy thumbs, and uuh, dont mind me realizing that later down the line-my bad!

. unless carefully plotted otherwise, anything outside my own canons, affiliated blogs/mains or plots is no longer canon to my own. any interaction or thread initiated towards my muses will default fall into my lore/verse unless vice versa or its plotted and etc etc. It's no longer just hanging there in the void so to speak. I need to feel more in control of my own narrative I think and trying to puzzle a lot of contradicting outside plots, dash events, etc has been mentally taxing when rp shouldn't be occupying so much space or anxiety to begin with lol.

this isn't to say everything thats happening in the dash or w/ other characters isn't important ofc! and I still want to participate; it'll just fall under a crack/non-canon tag. if things end up lining up p' well with whats going on here then I might take it into canon. This is p' much what I've been doing to begin with, it's just more concrete now and Im being more careful of what Im willing to accept now. Im ofc open to discussing stuff! DMs and disco for those who have it are open always even if I take a moment to get to it!

. Im no longer answering anon asks that are personal in some way, ie, around subject matters that aren't general headcanons asks or 'hey how do you feel about-' sorta deal. I dont feel comfortable taking it to public and while I understand having the fear of being identified, it's not fair if I'm the only one bearing the subject so to speak. If you want to talk to me through DMs you can either tell me your UN (no burners either) so I can bypass permissions here to chat or you can reach me at @shiny-miltank where my IMs are not barred to mutuals only. I don't bite really! and my discord is not public. tbh Im still very anxious about being on disco to begin w/ cause social anxiety flare ups. idk tumblr dms always seemed easier to chat until I know you on a personal basis-its just worked that way.

. making it more strict that you dont? put my geeta in place of plots, events, etc that I havent participated or plotted with, nor can you make assumptions for them based on said events. as slapped on every piece on my about/rules/pinned/etc shes heavily canon-divergent to begin with so no one knows her intentions/actions (save for me ofc) and wont act in what presumed canon-geeta would do or your own version so to speak. easy enough to slap me an IM for "is it okay to-", plotting, or just make a nebulous npc stand-in.

. things that havent changed are the use of my lore and headcanons into your own! I love seeing it integrated or adapted into other lore and seeing just how much it inspires and changes over time!

this all seems rigid but really it's just reiterating whats already in my rules and no one here has been a huge offender at all :' ) this is more for me to follow and I cant thank everyone enough for their patience and creativity for as long as I've been here. Im loosey goosey and go with the flow 90 out of 100 times.

this goes for the rest of my muses, which Ill probably clean up when Im back-but yeah! miss ya'll! hope you've been doin' good! the terrapagos plot will continue then and Ill resume reaching out and leaving details! hopefully in time for dlc ; >

[notyour-valentine]

Hi! Congratulations! Would you please write headcanon about Tommy from TBITW showing affection to (Y/N) when they officialy became a couple? We know he is not the most affectionate person in the world but he has his ways and it's usually sweet and heartwarming. I'm also curious how children would react to them showing their feelings/affections to one another. I mean in the series they didn't do it in front of them, they didn't kiss or anything like that. I have a feeling like Charlie would be a little bit jealous of his father being too close physically to (Y/N). I don't know, I would like to know how you see this. Thank you so much for your writing!

🍷Join me for a Drink 🍷 - TBITW: Reaction to PDA

[Celebration] [Celebration Masterlist] [Masterlist]

This was written as part of my Series The Boy in the Window and contains spoilers

There isn’t some kind of big cataclysmic shift after their return from France, after all, they are already living together and very little changes in their daily routine for the children. Tommy goes back to work and is away for most of the day during the week. (Y/N) and him are also not the type of people who make out at the front door when he returns. Instead, there are far more kisses on cheeks and long embraces, especially after yet another hard, long day. So all in all these moments, even with the added frequency of her running her hand through his hair or them sitting closer on the sofas, it isn’t too far from what the children had gotten used to. 

Until it comes to sleeping arrangements. 

A house like Arrow House has two grand bedrooms, one for the owner of the House and a separate one for his wife, as aristocratic couples tended to sleep apart. Tommy used to share the Grand Bedroom with Grace. He gave the other one, the one closest to the nursery, to (Y/N) when the children moved back upstairs. So once they had made their decision, Tommy changes bedrooms to be with her. 

Both children, whenever they wake up at night, had a tendency to sneak into her bed just like they had back in Small Heath or Warburton House. 

That is when they both begin to notice Tommy’s constant presence (to be fair, it is difficult to miss). 

And Charlie isn’t too keen on that. The children know they can come for nightmares, but that they should try to sleep in their own beds, so he doesn’t understand why his father gets to sleep in her bed every night - it’s simply unfair. 

So he tries to push in, not at nighttime, but during the day. When he sees the two sitting on the sofa together, he will snuggle right in between them, drawing his legs up for extra measure before leaning his head in her lap, or insisting on holding her hand too if he sees his father doing it. 

He doesn’t understand why Emma isn’t bothered by it- isn’t she scared that she might one day not have enough hugs and kisses left for all of them if his father keeps taking up all of them?

It is Emma who tells her mother of Charlie’s concern, which is both a cause for relief and worry. Obviously, both her and Tommy knew something was off with Charlie, and knowing it wasn’t something irreparable removed a certain cause for anxiety but both felt incredibly bad for letting Charlie think that way. Tommy wanted to speak to him at once, but it is (Y/N) who does. 

She finds Charlie and the two of them curl up on the sofa together with him laying down on her chest and her arms wrapped around him. 

Charlie doesn’t really want to talk about all these very strong feelings, the anger and the fear, but he does listen. He listens closely while (Y/N) explained that there were different kinds of love that could happen at the same time and that love, like hugs and kisses, wasn’t like a cake that gets cut up and given away never to return but something one can give as much away as one wanted to and that there would always be enough left, like fruit on a tree that kept growing back.

“Nothing is going to make me love you any less, Charlie, and there will always be enough hugs and kisses for you.”

He is very clingy for the next few days, but no longer tries to squeeze in between her and his father. He is afraid of everything he has, everything he didn’t have before, slipping away. But trust, like that sense of security, comes in time. So instead of stopping his father from all the hugs and kisses, he just runs to claim and give some of his own. 

Bonus fact:

Jealously and perhaps even possessiveness turns into protectiveness with age and that never ceases.  

Thank you so much for participating in my celebration - I hope you like it.

If you want to join in, click here to find out everything you need to know!

~

Taglist

Overall

@lilyrachelcassidy @jyessaminereads @chlorrox @watercolorskyy @books-livre @quarterpastmidnight  @lilyevanswhore  @polishcrazyone  @zablife  @just-a-harmless-patato  @stevie75 @flyingjosephine-blog @runnning-outof-time @babayaga67

Tommy

@knowledgefulbutterfly @babayaga67 @signorellisantichrist 

@lespendy @geeksareunique @look-at-the-soul

[giggly-squiggily]

Mental Image (Big Windup)

Heyo! Guess who has more Big Windup content to share? This girl! I love the characters so much y'all, and Abe has been sitting there waiting for me to write him as a lee- so here we are! I hope you like it! :D

I'm tagging you in this @intheticklecloset cause I know how much you love these boys :D Take that, hehe >:D

CW: Swearing

Cloud 9 (Taglist):

@cupcake-spice13

Summary: Mihashi's struggling to figure out this whole smiling thing, so Abe and Tajima try to help him out- sorta.

“When you get up on that pitcher mound, wear a big smile!”

Mihashi tried. He practiced in the mirror when no one was looking. He pulled on his cheeks. He tried to mold the wobbly cringe that was his mouth into what he hoped would come off as a confident smile.

Nothing. He looked terrified. Well- at least what he saw reflected what he felt.

“This isn’t working…” He groaned to himself, tucked away in the dugout’s corner after another failed attempt to smile. He thought he was doing well until Tajima told him he looked like a guilty criminal trying to lie his way out of a murder.

From terrified to guilty- and now even murderous. This smiling thing was difficult.

Footsteps approached, followed by a weight flopping beside him on the bench. “Ugh, my legs are gonna be sore for days.” Abe groaned as he tugged off his gear. “How about you? Are you holding up alright, Mihashi?”

“Eh? Erm, y-yeah, I’m fine…” The pitcher ducked further into his arms, ears red. How could he face Abe after such a disastrous attempt to follow his advice?

“Hm…” The catcher raised a brow at him, suspicious. “Mihashi, are you still hung up on what Tajima said?”

Silence.

“Do you want me to go talk to him?”

“N-no! No, please…it’s okay.” Mihashi startled up in a panic, rapidly shaking his head.

“Then what’s eating at you?”

Mihashi chewed on his lip, forcing the words to come out. “I…I’m trying to do as you said. Wear a b-big smile when I go to the pitch…but it won’t come out right.” He ducked lower in his arms, ears burning. “I’m sorry, I can’t seem to d-do it..”

Abe blinked. Then he reached out and poked Mihashi in the armpit. 

“That’s it? Man, and here I thought it was something else.” He shook his head with a grin as the other boy spasmed, giggles bubbling over. “Look, I know I told you to do that, but you don’t have to follow everything I say. I’m your teammate, not your master.”

“I know that! I just…want to.” Mihashi shrunk some, rubbing his side. “It’s good advice, I think-know!” He looked up wide-eyed at Abe’s amused smile. “I-I want to smile on the mound!”

“Heh, fair enough. Well, forcing it isn’t gonna work. We’ve figured that out already.” The catcher leaned back in his seat, gracefully ignoring the burning blush Mihashi wore at the comment. “What you need is a mental image. Something you can think of that makes you smile naturally. So,” Abe raised a brow at him expectedly. “What’s something that makes you happy?”

“Oh-uh…I don’t really know? Um…pitching?”

“How about something unrelated. Family? Friends?”

“Erm…”

“Pets? Random dog videos?”

Mihashi tried, racking his brain for ideas. Alas, nothing came to mind, too racked with performance anxiety.

“This might be a problem.” Abe sighed just as Tajima bounced over, dirty and gleeful.

“What is? Is Mihashi trying to smile again?” The cleanup batter giggled at the memory, turning to the mentioned boy with shining eyes. “I won’t laugh this time- give it another go!”

“Tajima, not now- we’re in the middle of something.” Abe waved him off, but the other was already getting comfortable, tossing off his helmet and stretching his arms high. “Go do that somewhere else- you stink!”

“Look who’s talking, Mr. Spring clean!” The smaller boy reached out, poking Abe in the gut. “Don’t act like you smell like roses and sunshine just because you stayed squatting all morning! We all stink here- right Mihashi?”

“Uh-”

“Right! See, he agrees!” Tajima was still poking, increasing the amount of fingers when Abe started to squirm, lips trembling. “Come on- say it with me! We stink!”

“Tahhahajimahaha, nohhohoho! Gohohoho awahahahy!” The catcher batted at his hands, giggle breaking up his words. He tried his best to double over and block him out, but that only seemed to encourage Tajima to go for the ribs. “Nohohoho, not theehhere!”

“Aww, is someone a teensy weensy bit ticklish? Is he?” Tajima cooed, bringing his other hand into play as he tapped along his ribs. “Say you stink to and I’ll stop~”

“Nehehehehehver!”

Mihashi sat in awe, eyes wide and mouth agape at the sight. He had no idea Abe was ticklish- let alone THIS ticklish! He thought he was bad…

“Mihashi! Watch this!” Tajima winked before closing the gap, squatting down so he could tuck himself into Abe’s defenses. Within minutes, his hands were on his sides, going straight for the lower ribs.

“TAHAHAHJIMAHAHAHHAHA!” Abe arched backwards with a squeal, loud and high pitched. He jerked back so harshly his hat flew off his head, revealing his smiling face to the pair. Mihashi forgot how to breathe, absolutely mesmerized by the sight. “STHAHAHAHHAP THAHHAHAHAHT- NOT THEHEHEHHERE!”

“Do you still think you smell good? Huh, do you?” Tajima cooed, burying his face into Abe’s belly for extra tickles. “You know what to saaaay~”

“AHEHAHHAHAHAH FUHUHUUUHUUHUCK! GEHHAHHAHHAHAHA! FIHIIHIHNE FIHIHIHIIHNE!” Abe cried, rapidly slapping at Tajima’s shoulder. “FIHIIHINE WE AHAHHAHAHALL STHIHIIHIHIHINK!”

“See? Now was that hard?” Tajima sat back, grinning like a goon as Abe slumped, arms hugging his trembling frame as he gasped for air. “And that, boys, is how we get Abe to agree to just about anything.” Standing up, he ruffled Mihashi’s hair as he passed, Coach Maria calling out to him for another drill. “Bye guys!”

“Ahahahsshole…” Abe groaned, lying flat against the bench as he reached for his discarded hat, pulling it over his flushed face. “Fohohor the record..I ohohonly said that so he’d stohohop…I dohohn’t stink, right?” When no response came, he moved his hat with a raised brow.“Oi, are you even listening?”

“Huh? O-Oh, yeah, I am.” Mihashi nodded. “We smell bad, I got that.”

“What, no I said I don’t stink!”

“Eeh, sorry-!”

“Boys, come on! Time for drills!” Saved by Coach Maria it seemed. 

Abe made a noise of complaint as he got up, pulling his gear back on. “Ah man, we never did figure out what makes you happy, did we?”

“It’s okay. I actually think I have it now.” Mihashi nodded, pulling his hat low as he turned to the field. Abe missed the slow smile spreading over his lips as he replayed the scene of Abe smiling again and again in his head, burning it into his memory.

Maybe this smiling thing wasn’t so hard after all.

Thanks for reading!