#like im not the only one trying
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Wow I hate existing sometimes
#Everything feels so hard#nothing seems like its ever gonna work out#and i am entirely powerless#and theres nothing i can do#i hate everything#i j want one thing in life that i dont have to fight tooth and nail for#hard reset pls#i wanna cry all the time#im trying so hard to be the strong one#but im cracking#i am aware im shouting to the void#but like thats all ive got rn#i also sometimes feel like im the only one putting in effort and trying#like i know thats mean but i feel like im always trying to find a solution#and im the only one whos actually trying to do things for us#but i j keep getting shot down#i j wanna feel like im worth it#like im not the only one trying#and for them to put in effort#people have been all talk my whole life#i j want someone to match their actions to their words#j small things#if you say you want to do something just do it??#idk#maybe i should just be alone#why does no one in my life take responsibility for anything#stop making excuses#if somethings important to you show it#part of me feels like im j waiting for them to finally realise ghat unless theyre willing to do anything and theyre not its futile#and im j breaking my own heart because they dont want to change anything and i don't know if they ever will and it hurts
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oh my fucking god i don't have any clothesssss
#what moving to another country does to a mf...#it's like. i gotta shop for winter clothes ASAP#because i have like 2 sweaters and 1 sweatshirt like that's it LMAO#and a jacket i bought HERE#why did i not pack winter clothes when coming to fucking sweden you ask. good question#my baggage was already 30 kilos#im only one weak person#i already died that day due to my 30 kilo baggage many times#i had to ask random people to help me lmaoooooo the way i'd rather die than doing that in a normal day 😭#it was THAT bad..#and now i dont have anything proper to wear. fml#and i am so bad when it comes to clothes shopping like u have noooo idea#im terrible at shopping in general. :/#ughhhh i will try to do that this friday :////// hope i don't freeze in the meantime :////#🗒
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"But if college was free, then people would abuse that and get useless degrees" hell yeah I would! If I could go to college without debt I would make it my job to get a degree in every little thing that interested me. I'd get a doctorate in film studies. I'd have a bachelor's degree for every science I like. I'd try to learn at least 5 languages with varying results. I would learn something "useful" like coding and then follow it up with a ""useless"" degree like art history. I'd be the world record speed run holder for getting every degree possible.
But I can't afford college without going into massive debt, so instead I spent the last 5 years trying to figure out what I am passionate enough about to consider going into debt over, because unfortunately being passionate about everything is extremely expensive to pursue.
#simon says#i love learning so much and I hate the USA's college debt system#once they make that shit free I will be unstoppable#this topic sprung up because I had the idea that im very academic and annoyingly analytical that I might as well get a degree in it#because without a degree you just seem like an autistic asshole#but with a degree? then you look like a CREDIBLE autistic asshole#don't worry I will still learn but I still want that funky piece of paper to tell everyone I learnt it#also there's some things that are VERY difficult to learn#like I would love to persue this topic further but unfortunately I would need help with that#also before you say 'try taking [blank] classes instead! it's less expensive than a degree!' im broke#my only learning resource is the library sorry about that#also this is not the post to give me unwarranted financial advice#finances are one of the topics I DO NOT care about and I WILL NOT listen to a word you say
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'We go together!' 🤝
#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#trying out a slightly diff line approach and rare time where i draw them with their canon-ish heights#the working title for this was medic saying that this is the start of a beautiful situationship lol#i've only just learnt the word and now like a true millenial im (mis)using it everywhere#ONE DAY ill look at reference and learn how to draw arms and hands#i have covid (AGAIN!!!!) this is like my 9th time now RIP so sorry for being quiet i'll answer my messages VEERY SOON
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HELP PALESTINIAN ARCHITECT EVACUATE HER FAMILY FROM GAZA
This is a verified fundraiser for a family of four to evacuate to Cairo. The fund's creator, Amal Abu Shammala, reached out to me personally to share this since she's failed to get her fund on Operation Olive Branch and Let's Talk Palestine's fundraising linktree.
As of right now, she has raised €2,397/ €42,000. You can see the breakdown of what the money will be used for in the fund description.
Please give generously!
#ive talked to amal myself and can vouch for her#she was so understanding about me having to verify her story first#its so bullshit how people have used the tragedy of a genocide to masquerade as palestinians in need#perhaps its selfish for me to personally advocate for only a few families in need when so many people require help#but i feel like the way i stay sane is to just. focus on one family at a time#im gonna try to do another fundraising event (?) soon idk how successful it'll be#i just dont have enough money man#palestine#free palestine#free gaza#donations#gaza#rafah#khan younis
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Introducing! ELESA, the new kid on the block! She's a tiny bedraggled child from Sinnoh and not all that familiar with Galarian, the spoken language in Unova. (One day she'll be amazing. Right now though, she just wants to go play in the mud. And maybe get a better set of hearing aids.)
When not bitterly lonely, she’s scheming to run back to her old home. Or chasing the local patrat. Or watching nervously from the sidelines as other children play on the swings. Oh elesa. (loosely inspired by @/noxstrages' incredible comics about elesa's origins! Ty for the food.)
Masterpost to my submas comics!
#art#pokemon#sketchbook#submas#myart#fanart#gym leader elesa#blitzle#nimbasa trio#elesa#character design#baby elesa is a nightmare to work with but im happy with this draft!#her clothes are supposed to be more sinnoh fashioned#and with time she slowly integrates more and more unovan clothing inspiration into her work#one day she's going to realize everything she works on is entirely unovan. and it's gonna hurt.#(i feel like part of her modeling and costume designing stuff in the future would be her trying to reclaim some of that history)#((but also the inherent tragedy of forgetting kantonese because she tries so hard to integrate into unova makes me feel things))#(((only projecting on elesa a bit. i promise)))
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So like, y'all know that popular Star Wars fic trope of Time Traveling Obi-Wan Kenobi where he dies and then wakes up in his 11ish year old body back in the Jedi Temple? You know how usually he wakes up, has a few minutes/hours of confusion, and then goes about trying to act like he was at age 11 while slowly fixing everything wrong with the Jedi Order? Personally I think he would not do that.
I think that Ben "Lived As A Wizard Hermit For Two Decades On Tattooine, Left, And Then Died Immediately" Kenobi would wake up as an eleven-year-old, have a panic attack, attack the nearest adult Jedi while accusing them of Doing Weird Sith Shit To His Brain, fucking flee, only then realize he has time traveled, steal someone's ship, go flying out of the temple to god knows where, continue panicking, crash into a random moon while distracted, nearly die, build a survival camp out of his broken ass ship and eat whatever bugs he can find, get kidnapped by pirates, overthrow said pirates, steal their ship, and then very calmly return to the Jedi temple like nothing happened.
Then and only then do I think he would start trying to act like a normal human person (while also dodging questions such as "what the fuck was that" and "where were you" and "is that a pirate's ship?"), except he'd be bad at it due to having lived as an Insane Wizard Desert Hermit for the past twenty years who has experienced enough trauma and time that he doesn't super well remember the details of his childhood, what with all of the wars and death and wars and such.
His acting convinces nobody, but nobody is sure what exactly to do about All Of That so he's for the most part left alone (after very vehemently refusing sptherapy), all the way up until he catches a glimpse of palpatine out of the corner of his eye and then its On Sight
#mads posts#star wars#obi-wan kenobi#specifically i see fics where he gets blasted back to the past and he genuinely acts like he's 11 or whatever age again#and im like NO thats some fuckin weirdo inhabiting the body of an eleven year old#thats a fiftyish year old dude who looks eighty and thinks the best way to train Newly Discovered Force-Sensitive Luke is to blindfold and#shoot at him#he spent twenty years fucking around in a desert and left the planet one (1) time to go rescue leia#he cannot in any way act like a normal child are you kidding me#he was only ever 'normal' during the clone wars because he was standing next to Anakin 'hey watch this' skywalker#actually i think if obi wan were to try to act like a normal kid of the age he appears he would either wildly over or undershoot#he'd be like. huge eyes and babytalk and innocent expressions OR he'd forget he doesn't alr know the nuances of the Alderaanian government#but he couldnt pull off 'totally normal guy dont mind me'#obi wan doesnt manage to oneshot palpatine btw. that would be too boring#he steals the nearest available lightsaber and Goes For It and obv is stopped due to being shaped like a baby and having the strength of on#and then again refuses to answer any questions
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(x)
#archive of our own#ao3 stuff#ao3 quotes#archive of our own quotes#fanfic#fanfic quotes#funny#ao3#ao3 tags#Author Has No Plan And It’s Causing Her Problems#how dare you call me out like this#it’s not like I’ve been staying up an extra hour every night trying to write a single one shot#bc the only time my fucking brain wants to come up with the next part of the plot#is when im already cozy in bed and halfway to being asleep
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Making Incorrect H:SR Quotes Until I Run Out of (hopefully) Original Ideas - Pt. 6
[Pt. 1] [Pt. 2] [Pt. 3] [Pt. 4] [Pt. 5]
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr incorrect quotes#hsr textpost#hsr memes#honkai star rail memes#hsr meme#honkai star rail meme#boothill#hsr boothill#argenti#hsr argenti#sunday#hsr sunday#aventurine#hsr aventurine#black swan#hsr black swan#argenhill#boothill x argenti#i love their 'guns n' roses' ship name a whole lot but im not trying to unintentionally put this in the actual band's tag lmao#i dont have a good concise title for this one its just like. 50% Boothill and 50% my other fav hsr men. thats it thats the theme#also. dont fuckign come at me like 'but the 6th one isn't accurate! he wasn't born in a test tube!!' listen. i know.#he was found abandoned in the snow or smthn idk i haven't dug into his lore leaks yet but i Know. the first half isnt all that accurate#but the overall vibes of it are funny enough to me that i had to make it anyways. let's all just learn to suspend our disbelief a bit#for the sake of laughs. also also. hopefully it goes w/o saying but if something ever lacks a source it's bc i found it like that#i always leave the op's handles even if they dont fit the characters but sometimes the posts i find have already had them cropped out#which irks me bc i Try to be a stickler for giving credit. but anyways. enough overthinking the making of these silly memes#also. some of these are prob a bit more accurate only if you've seen some of Boothill's voiceline and message leaks but eh its fine
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ive literally never interacted with the rats smp ever besides like once
but ren and martyn exist. and a lot of my other favorite creators. so we're going headfirst into rat yaoi. raoi, if you will. ratataoi?? ratatouille yaoi? ...ill work on it
#i also am one of the poor souls who misread ren's specialty as snuggling. sigh... dreamers continue to be dreamers#rats smp#mcyt#art#digital art#my art#rendog#renthedog#martyn inthelittlewood#martyn itlw#martyn fanart#is there a duo name for this. like.#rentyn#that sounds like renting thats kinda funny... cuz theyre.. theyre in a hotel.... yeah ok#okay how about this one#treebark#is that it. is that their duo name. is that a trafficblr only one i dont know how mcyt works despite being here for the majority of my life#hello#whatever we continue on with regular boring tags because wooahhh exposure woahh guys pay me in exposure (dont)#i formally apologize if you are really taking time out of your day to read these tags. you will not be receiving compensation#rats smp fanart#rats smp season 2#rats smp 2#rats in paris#ratshipping#i guess#yeah#yeah i can't deny it im sorry for trying#did you know this is the end of the tags#truly it is
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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overall i really liked the first episode of delico's nursery but. but. as someone who knows nothing. about the theatre plays. i couldnt quite take the plot seriously when. the god of vampires/first vampire ever. has the most unfortunate abriviation of our time.
resulting in lines such as:
#YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO TAKE THE PLOT SERIOUSLY LIKE THIS. IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024#im so sorry for long standing fans of this franchise (?) but i laughed so fucking hard#i will definitely continue it and will try VERY HARD to ignore but like. you get my struggle im sure#delico's nursery#anyway uhm. theres now only one trump i know and its from the bisexual vampires parenting show 🤗 love and light
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if you told kageyama and hinata that they could improve their timing and strengthen their hitter/setter bond by kissing they would immediately start making out. even if they weren’t interested in the other like that at all before, those boys would do anything for volleyball
#this is about that one oos tiktok#this is the only hitter/setter duo this would work on tho#bukoto would like the idea A LOT but akaashi would shoot him down ‘no bokuto-san we’re not trying that’#bokuto pouts but he gets over it pretty quickly (they are already dating anyway)#both iwa and oikawa would scoff bc they alr have the strongest bond imaginable it’s insulting that an outsider would try to give them advic#ushi would blink look at shirabu blink again and then remove himself from the situation#im sorry but i saw that tiktok and it screamed kghn#but i refuse comment hq stuff on real vb players pages so here you get my deranged thoughts#kagehina#haikyuu#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou
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So yeah, 'Ranma 0.5' or something like that..
#im so happy its getting a remake!!!#i know im like more than a week late but sorry i was busy#and yes this is redraw the artblock sadly hasnt left me :'(#ANYWAYS RANMA!!!!#one of the series of all time fr#ranma 1/2#ranma saotome#akane tendo#ryoga hibiki#p chan#shan pu#«i like this spelling better than shampoo idk its far punny and fun that actually spelling out the pun#also thats how its actually spelled in the japanese ver of the manga#musu#«same goes for him too#ill only be using these spellings while tagging my own posts though since 'shampoo' and 'mousse' are the most popular spellings#and it would seem kinda out of place lol#my art#yucaillusts#god i love them sm#also if you want try to see if you can figure out which art this is a redraw of ;)
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I won't be able to finish this drawing before the convention, which will take up my next 5 days.. But I want to talk a little about him.. I've been thinking about golems and Frankenstein, and the trans body, projection and misunderstanding, villainization and death.
The concepts of Frankenstein's monster and the golem have been swimming in my head for a while, and their lore intertwining.. The tragedy of existing being seen as a monster no matter how you try,.. And the Golem, a protector of his people and a servant whose only flaw always rang a bit close to home as an an autistic person-- being too literal in execution of his orders. He's tired and struggles with a yearning for death. His havdalah candles will be out.. The first flame of the week, a spark of starting over again-- The flame brings him fear. As much as he's kept himself together he doesn't know how much longer he can keep doing it, he fears failure- but the fear of what may happen if he's gone is even more terrifying. He's lived a long life, and over time the one who formed him has sculpted him to the golem's own wishes.. From nothing to the man he is- but even with that effort, to outsiders he's still a monster. His skin is different shades of clays from varying riverbeds as his people have travelled.. Golems are unformed, imperfect.. but even as outsides can be polished the insides can still be broken
#i have a million thoughts on him but will only put a little ramble i guess#jewish art#trans art#you ever think about how no matter how hard you try as a trans person at the end of the day a large amount of people will still see you#as trans. doesnt matter how acceptable you look#the same thing is with jewishness for me.. it's been like a damage multiplier on top of transness.#it doesnt matter how nice i try to be or how caring. it doesnt matter how many good things i do im still a jew to a large amount of people#even within the queer community haha :') ive felt it so often in queer communities here.#this little guy is gonna be where i store that experience as a trans jew. it goes in the frankengolem#i like the thought of frankenstein's fear of fire being incorporated into him in his fear of both rest and havdalah..#he doesnt feel safe to rest. he dreads the new week. his entire life he spends in dread even if he wants to protect his loved ones#gently pats the top of his head.. this boy's autistic#long text#bare chest#death#cw death#tw death#just in case
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comic about v2 and the goal they'll never fully reach alongside a dissatisfying conclusion. intimate rivalry and all (alternative ending comic. V1 dies instead of V2 during 4-4. V2 is narrating. V1 is dead.)
#high of victory drops to an overwhelming crushing feeling of what comes next now that youre done#if it wasnt clear v2 is trying very hard to put v1 back together after it kills them. very very poorly. weight of your actions hits#v2#v1#ultrakill#v4v#heavy implied at the very least. see as you will#i realize now that the writing is very disconnected and so are the drawings but bear with me here. do you see my vision#theres something going on between these two that is beautiful but also extremely codependent#at least on v2s end#tried to do those two descriptive pages in a way where it went like. 2 - 3 small details about v1. and then something very specific. some-#-thing theyd only know if they paid close attention to how the other acted or looked#took me a few days to put together and im pretty happy with it i think#feel free to dub or do whatever as long as you gimme credit where credits due#there are many ways to interpret v2 and this is one of them#gen art
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