#like if that were the case i'd be having the time of my life because I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THOSE
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grvait · 1 day ago
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old art again!! this time a rough animation of sawyer and yarnaby 😎 (looks better if u click to view 😭)
im working on a short ppt animation rn. im thinking i should post it to my youtube channel, though im not sure if people here would see it. i think i can link videos on here?? idk
okay I'm gonna talk abt more chapter 4 stuff.. this time about prototype's previous identity.. ch4 spoilers and also a theory below..
hiding the solo yarnaby under here LOL
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people theorized 1006 was elliot, which was recently disproven in the chapter 4 tape where poppy refers to elliot as her dad and wishes he were there. in the same tape she addresses prototype as a completely different person. also recall that elliot died in the 90s, meanwhile prototype met theo in 1989. so yeah, they aren't the same person
I've also seen people say rich is prototype, which cannot be true either. in a ch4 tape he speaks to one of the boys who eventually got turned into doey. the kid mentions his coworkers joking about him going missing. before the bbi, it would not make sense for this to be a common rumor at the company, which means this tape had to happen after harley was hired in 1990; at a time when the company would have a reason to silence people
prototype existed in 1989 at the minimum, but considering he says "it's always been about you and me" to poppy, he's likely the prototype of HER. she's elliots daughter, she died in the 60s, meaning prototype was probably created around that time as well.
this means that rich can't be the prototype because he was human long after prototype was made
if you want my take on who prototype truly is, i'd say his identity doesn't necessarily matter. i don't mean to say his origins aren't important, just that his name and specific role in the past probably doesn't mean anything in the long run. i've never believed he was elliot or rich, and maybe in the future i'll be proven wrong but for now i'll tell you the theory i've had since june of last year
elliot's daughter dies in the 60s. he divorced his wife in 1930, so his daughter is probably in her 30s when she dies. she gets sick or injured, maybe she's actively dying or already dead by the time elliot begins his research. he looks for ways to bring her back, but it doesn't work on the rats (as he mentioned a note in the 2nd chapter)
so what does he do? he tries it on something bigger as he said he would: a human. of course he's not going to try this experimental method on his own daughter, even if she's already dead, so he finds someone else to use it on. we know that elliot wasn't evil or anything, so it's unlikely he killed anybody to use for the experiment. considering the orphanage isn't open yet (it opened in the 70s, not the 60s), prototype probably wasn't an orphan child either. if i run with my simple version of the theory, elliot may have dug up a body in a graveyard and used that. maybe a fresh one, who knows. he tried it, it worked, then he revived his daughter with the same method.
this is likely what harley wanted to know about in the chapter 3 tape (the "i learn something new about you every day" one), and also what prototype is asking harley to figure out in the ch4 tape they're both in. in that case, sawyer never actually figured out how to revive people with the poppy substance. sure, he can transfer people into the toys, but he can't bring anybody back to life
more reason to believe prototype and poppy are of the same "batch" is because it seems they are the only two who don't need food. it's outright stated about him in the ch1 trailer, and insinuated with her saying the "toys will starve otherwise" when she's talking about how nasty them eating humans is. she refers to them, not herself. her and prototype are probably the only 2 who were ever brought back from the dead, which circles back around to his monologue and gives meaning to the "it's always been about you and me, poppy. what we are". when i heard him say that i felt like my theory was lowk confirmed 😭😭
no guarantee this is right, but it's been my guess for a long time
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thezombieprostitute · 12 hours ago
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Your Champion: Changes
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Summary: Steve takes you somewhere safe.
A/N: Reader is female. No other physical descriptors used.
Warnings: Implied violence, Manipulation. Please let me know if I missed any!
Series Masterlist
Previous Chapter
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Steve did end up taking you out of the apartment, but not as payment for your father's debts. He tells you it's because he wants to keep you safe, to get you away from such a dangerous man.
You fight the urge to laugh at the absurdity. Steve literally burst into your life and started hitting your father. From what he's told you, he hurts a lot of people, even enjoys it! But sure, he's "rescued" you. If there's one good thing your father taught you it's that you don't argue with people who can hurt you.
So when he told you to pack your things, all you could think to do was comply. All of your clothes and your only photo of your mother fit into a single garbage bag with room to spare.
Your face burned with embarrassment when he asked, "is that really all you have?" But when he followed it by grumbling, "should have finished him off," you go cold. Your best option is the same as always: be quiet, be good.
"I'm gonna take you somewhere safe," Steve informs you in the car. "It's a halfway house, but it's still safer than living with your old man." You nod, relieved he isn't taking you back to his place.
"I'll also be driving you to and from work from now on."
Your eyes widen as you turn to look at him.
"I'm going to worry about you otherwise," he explains. "It'll be a longer trip to work than you're used to and I'd rather give you a ride than put you on the bus with a bunch of strangers."
Your eyebrows furrow on confusion. Does he not realize he's also a stranger?
"You are not to leave the house or the grocery store until I pick you up," he orders. "Do you understand?"
No, you think. But you nod your head yes, trying to placate him.
"If I had things my way you wouldn't even be going to work," he continues. "You'd be kept somewhere safe while you healed up from living with that monster for so long. But I've been told that routines can help and having a job can help your sense of worth. So I'll abide by Boss's rules and take you to Nat. But so help me, you need anything you tell me, ok?"
Again you nod. You don't understand much of what he's talking about, but you know what he wants from you. He's just like your father, he talks you listen.
"If your dad is smart he'll stay away from you. But I'll do some security checks around the halfway house and the grocery store from time to time. Just to make sure he's not lurking."
There's a long silence before he shakes his head at you. "Too in shock to even say 'thank you.' What the hell did he to you?"
"I'm sorry, sir," you blurt. "I didn't know you wanted verbal responses."
He huffs through his nose and places a hand on your knee. "No need to be so formal. Just call me Steve."
"Yes, Steve," you quickly reply. Anything to keep him happy, calm, placated.
When you finally reach your destination your somewhat grateful for Steve's insistence on driving you. You have no idea where you are in relation to Pete's Grocery, let alone where the bus stops are. You'd never had need to know any routes outside your normal ones. You've never been so far away from the familiar buildings.
A redheaded woman steps out the front door and she smiles at you.
"Hello there! Steve texted me that he was bringing another rescue."
Your shoulders relax a little. Maybe he does this a lot. Maybe he's just overly helpful to new "rescues". In any case, this woman seems to be used to him so maybe she can help you with him.
"She's agreed to let me take her to and from work," Steve interjects. "That should make things easier for you."
"Is that true?" Nat gives you a meaningful look.
You should tell the truth, that you didn't know you had other options. But it's also the truth that you agreed to his escorting you. And you were just thinking about how grateful you were to not have to ride the buses.
"Yes, ma'am, it's true."
"Okay then," she smiles. "Let's get you set up here, ok?"
Steve tries to follow into house but Nat stops him.
"Don't you need to report to Barnes?"
He sighs angrily and you freeze up. You wish you were strong like Nat clearly is. You can't imagine standing up to anyone like Steve but she's acting like it's not a big deal.
"I'll make sure she calls you before her next shift," Nat reassures him. "But I need to get her feeling safe and you can be quite intimidating."
Steve looks hurt. "I would never!"
Nat raises her hands in a placating gesture. "I know." She points to the house, "they probably know." She points to you, "she probably knows, too. But you can't always control yourself and I don't need you accidentally triggering these poor people."
He looks at you, "you know I'd never hurt you, right?"
"Yes, Steve," you quickly reassure him.
The response seems to soften his look from angry to grumpy.
"Ok. I'll be back to take her to work around 6 tomorrow."
"Sure thing, Champ," Nat smiles.
As Steve gets in his car he smiles and waves to you. You wave back but your brain keeps thinking, how does he know when my shift starts?
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Next Chapter
Series Masterlist
Tagging: @alicedopey; @darsynia; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @irishhappiness; @kmc1989; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @thiquefunlover63
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changingplumbob · 2 days ago
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Introductions: Isla - Part 3
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Deanna: How are you feeling about this whole situation? Like what are you thinking about being in the villa with other contestants?
Isla: Since I will be with just other women, I'm really excited!
Deanna: That's so good to hear! I hope most people are excited
Isla: I love my family, but I feel like I'm lacking feminine influence in my life. It's hard to get that when you don't have any women in your immediate family, so I really hope I can get that while I'm here! In the end though, I just hope we all get along
Deanna: Me to!
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Deanna: Have you brought any keepsakes from home?
Isla: I brought my favorite seashell with me, the blue small conch shell, in case I feel homesick
Deanna: What makes it your favourite?
Isla: It's my favorite because it looks like, in my opinion, the perfect sky: blue with fluffy white clouds!
Deanna: Now I understand why the luggage problems were such a hassle!
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Joey: How do you think that went?
Isla: Good! Deanna was so responsible making sure I'd gotten here all right. I definitely feel happy after spending time with her
Joey: Grazie for chatting, see you at the sorting ceremony
...
Devin: Okay De, how was that?
Deanna: I think I have a few butterflies in my stomach! Was not expecting that but Isla is so interesting. Sure she's a bit high maintenance but I find it cute. I definitely think we may have an in joke or two already
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See you tomorrow where we will meet our next contestant Evelyn.
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goodgrlguides · 2 days ago
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A Good Girl's Guide to Knowing your Self-Worth
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You are never and never will be a burden. You need to get it into your head that whatever you do and whatever people tell you, you are not a burden. I've figured through many years of living with parents that do their best but never find that financial stability when it comes to the important things like buying things your children desire, but for buying for others and events, they always have an overflow of money. This thought of being burden originally came to me through all the experiences that made me age faster than I was supposed to and made me feel as though if I asked for anything, I'd immediately be at fault because I'd be like a liability in their lives. It took me a very long time to realise that I am not a burden, nor a liability. Wanting things and asking for things should not be seen as being a burden to your parents, no matter how long it takes for you to get used to it. I still struggle to ask my parents for things and prefer having a steady income and independence so that I can buy and give everything that my inner child ever wanted. Speaking of which, make sure to continually nurture your inner child. In any case where someone feels like they grew up too fast, their inner child is still crying for the attention and the things that you wanted when you were that child, so make sure to take care of her/him and even when you're lacking energy and motivation, use her/him as a point of contact and remember that your inner child needs to be satisfied and healed in order for you to become a better person. On one last note, never ever let people belittle you or make you feel less-than because of how you look, act or even your age. You were made perfectly in the image of God at the right place, time and to the right parents—even if your parents cause you a lot of pain. That pain is meant to grow you, not destroy you. Every trial in your life is a lesson, and that trial will keep repeating itself until you face it. Face what you fear and that fear will turn into courage, even if you face it with your hands and voice shaking, eventually the fear will break off and the courage will replace it.
As always, it was lovely having you and remember, be a good girl.
XOXO, Good Girl Guides.
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silverselfshippingchaos · 2 months ago
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I had a dream where a 3rd J.udgment game was announced and M.ine showed up for one split second in the reveal trailer with this super hot evil smirk on his face and Twitter was going batshit crazy over it
Then I woke up and got really disappointed
#ash rambles 💚#you were beautiful 💸#it's like also 6:30am rn#i jolted awake and ran to check twitter just in case something important happened in the y.akuza fandom#but nope. it didnt. at all. now I'm disappointed. and sleepy...#goodnight!!!!#hmm what else is going on in my life..? uhhh. I've got a massive final paper due tomorrow! i should... probably start that haha#I've got this other group project that i don't feel motivated to work on anymore because my group member (absolutely unsolicited)#popped into my DMs and was like 'hey here are some suggestions for your paper' and the comments were just mean as fuck#like what the fuck man. what the actual fuck?? this group member is also like two decades older than me-#but thats alright I'll do it eventually (also because I'm graded on how my group members review me and... if this little bitch gives me a#bad review and fucks up my chances at getting a 4.0 in every class this quarter...........)#hmmmm what else#I've been playing y.akuza 5! i just got to the hunting part. I'm bored. when does this shit get good?#oh and i've been rewatching f.airy t.ail when i have the time#and m.onster too because.. um.... dr. t.enma 👉🏽👈🏽#oh nooo (fake cough) I'm sickkk i need a doctor hahaha preferably a really hot one with a super nice voice and beautiful smile and-#and that's about it for my life updates ajdjshdjaj at least all that I'm comfortable sharing here#I'm still mad about my dream though#like. I'd be fine even if m.ine didnt show up again. maybe he survived and him and ash just decided to disappear off the grid together#but. I WANT THAT THIRD J.UDGMENT GAME#PLEAAASEEE#OH OH!!! ONE MORE UPDATE!!!!#i made a bad financial decision on black friday and now.. once my package arrives... I'LL HAVE EVERY MAINLINE Y.AKUZA GAME IN MY GRASP!!!#I AM SO POWERFULLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also bought s.oul hackers 2 bcs it looked interesting. anyone here like it?#hmmm I'm going back to sleep#gn#honk shoo mi mi mi mi
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aromacaque · 1 year ago
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Update on my youtube that I'm crossposting from twitter:
My life has been very hectic and busy this year and I apologize for the lack of updates, but I haven't wanted to give out an expected time frame for my next video because I'm unsure if I'll even be able to make the deadline and I don't want to make false promises.
I won't get into it as a lot of it is personal, but I've been barely scraping by for a plethora of reasons and unfortunately haven't been able to prioritize my videos. When I make the time for them, I'm far too tired from everything else to write anything decent and the quality drop is noticeable.
Maybe I'm being a little too hard on myself or too much of a perfectionist. Maybe it's better for me to get a video out, even if it's mediocre to my standards, but I know I can do better if I'm just given the energy and resources.
I'm really really sorry for the wait.
I would LIKE to get it out by November and I would LIKE to upload once every two months, but I can't make any promises right now.
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abyssalpriest · 2 years ago
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Working with Leviathan be like
Leviathan: *completely both rewrites a severe trauma trigger back into something neutral and freeing, and further reconnects me to the Sky and myself off plane and pre-incarnation in the space of 24 hours* yeah nice, anyway we should play video games now I'm tired
#~abyssal murmurs#Emphasis on he works over the span of months but he really is a uh... A pool of water that doesn't drip into your mind until you open the#door. And you think you will be drowned when you do but he is so soothing. And he walks with you#And sometimes what he walks you through is really painful and it's like what the actual fuck am I doing but he stays there like#duh it's what I said would happen it's fine trust me#And you do and then it's like. Holy shit. Look what I walked through. Hope you're proud of me#leviathan //#ramblings //#Anyway. Friendship ended with Despise A Certain Game now Ending Of The Game Where She's Soothed And The Rain Fades is my friend#And. I didn't realise how much I'd become afraid to talk about me. I talk about Leviathan all the time as the sky but I don't.... Like#talking about myself as a part of the day sky and what that means. I have. Thanks to him. Had gateways opened to astral memories#that I was too scared to touch and.... I'm.... I think I'm ready to start recorroborating my info between brains in astral and physical#bodies..... I think..... I'm ready I'm... I am So fucking End Of Game Where Rain Fades right now and that makes me want to fucking bawl my#eyes out because a) I wasn't allowed in the cult I was in to go near that part of the game bc they told me the character there was alive and#she hated my guts and thought I was disgusting. And b) god the storyline involving her is just so so so so so relevant to my life post-cult#:( you know. Just :(#Diary //#The child returns to her mother the cycle is done the rain clears the ocean is infinite the workings of the cult I mean church are undone#And that doesn't scare me anymore? The cult was so.... Had me thinking that any time that game was brought up they were in control of it#and they would see me and it was their game and they made it alone and I could never just enjoy it as a video game.... It#Still hurts a little but leviathan walked me through allowing it to be neutral and admitting that I see myself in it. Because I tried my#hardest to not admit that thinking that if I did they'd be in my head but mo#No* it's... Its a communal thing. It's allowed to be relatable to a wide audience for neutral reasons. I don't have to break down when I see#it. And I'm allowed to talk about the Sky and I'm allowed to talk about where and when I met Leviathan and I'm allowed to not hide what I do#with him because others may take it as gross exaggerations for bragging rights - I'm allowed to be neutral. Just because at one point in my#life I thought astral projection was only for a select few does not mean now that I do it I have to hide it in case someone like me#takes their insecurity so far that they see my neutral declarations as an attack on them............. Anyway#The Day Sky. My beloved. You mean so much to me. I won't forget my purpose in this incarnation I will not hide it#Thanks Lev#I love that arguably calling him Lev is more controversial than calling him Tengri but it's Not just a nickname lmfao
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beeseverywhen · 2 years ago
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god the duality between 'I don't want someone in my house' and 'yeah I'd like my own kids and no way I'm doing that alone'
#like ppl who don't want kids should be free to live their lives without ppl being like 'watch out! your biological clock is ticking!'#that's bullshit ppl shouldn't say that. but also. i would like kids and#after so many years trying not to get pregnant and that seeming like a worst case scenario. so desperately wanting to not become my parents#now i am an age where I'd happily have a kid if i were in the right life situation & i don't feel I've got all the time in the world anymore#lol like. the space in between 'too young to have a baby' and 'old enough that i risk more health issues/ will be an older parent'#feels way way narrower than i ever would have assumed lol. esp. because all the parents in my family are so young. the idea of being an#older parent is so strange to me. I'm so aware of the things you can't do when you're older and how it's harder work to run after them#and like my body is already wearing out way faster than anyone elses. my health's only gonna get worse so.#being an older parent just doesn't seem an option. not to mention like. the older i am the less generations I'll get to see.#i want to be a great grandmother damnit. lol.#like I'm on a clock. to get over my commitment issues or it legit won't happen. but yeah. can't think of anything worse than having#to have someone in my house. if i was rich enough to have lots of space that's one thing but. I'm not lol.#and rich ppl rub me up the wrong way whenever they try and chat me up so doubt I'm gonna marry in to money looool#like i have come to terms with the fact that. if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. id rather not get to be a mother than to settle#like that whole 'looking for a partner' dating life is not for me i can't think of anything worse. if it happens it happens#I'll either meet the right person who im willing to give up an empty house for or i won't looool#and it's not like im giving up the whole raising kids thing completely.#like I've got to play a significant hand in raising my siblings even if i didn't ask for that. I've got to see them grow and#help them reach those milestones. and whatever the circumstances I'm blessed to have had them in my life#even if i don't have my own kids I'm always gonna have kids in my life even if I'm an aunt rather than grandmother you know#I'm lucky to be in a family where raising kids is a communal thing. but yeah id love to have my own kids & have someone that looks like me#but I'm not willing to bring someone in to the world in non opportune circumstances deliberately.#like if it's up to me i want them to have 2 parents to look out for them and 2 parents that at least stand a chance of liking each other lol
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wenevergotusedtoegypt · 2 years ago
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I went to a religious high school that would not give any guidance on applying to any college that most likely includes dorming like SUNY or any out of state university. We were limited to info on colleges that are within our neighborhoods. A part of me is really upset but since it is a private school I assume they are allowed to do this. Do you think it is fair?
I don't really think this is about fairness. The school is willing to provide a service to help students apply to schools that are in line with some sort of value system it has (unclear if this is a Jewish religious school or another religion so I'm not going to make any specific assumptions about what those values are). They don't offer assistance with applying to schools outside of that category, but they also probably don't offer assistance with a lot of other potential post-high school plans, like, I don't know, doing a year-long tour of Europe, or starting an LLC to run your own business. It's not unfair, it's outside of the scope of what's offered. You can still apply to any school you want (and you can find out about anything very easily these days online), and there's no reason you can't get in just because your high school isn't guiding you.
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humanityinahandbag · 3 months ago
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I'd like to tell you all a story about my grandmother.
My grandparents raised their children, four girls (one of them my mother), to be fighters. My aunts marched in Washington for women's rights with babies strapped to their chests and like to joke that all of the grandchildren who came from that line (including myself) were born with picket signs in their hands.
But it started with my grandparents. They fought hard for what they believed in. They marched against Vietnam. They marched for Martin Luther King. They marched for women's rights. They marched for a better future.
But let's talk specifically about my grandmother for a moment.
My grandmother unfortunately passed away in 2016. She had to watch the first Trump election and did so knowing that it would probably be the last election she'd ever see. And there is some argument there that she could have given in to fear and defeatism. She could have decided none of it was worth it, and she could have decided that fascism had won and the world was over.
But she did something else instead.
To give some context, my grandparents had friends who were Republicans. I say were, because they shifted from the normal Republican towards the MAGA Republican we see today. And despite a very clear message from my family about how we felt, they were more than ready to still come to the funeral as if everything was normal. Like their beliefs were normal. Like they were welcome to celebrate someone who had fought so hard for the rights of other people.
These were people who would have absolutely used their rhetoric to scream and shout if they were left out or disinvited.
And so my grandmother, even past her final moments, pulled the most brilliant, petty move I've ever seen.
She'd decided ahead of time that everyone who had known her was more than welcome to attend but that she wanted everyone attending the funeral to donate money. That was the requirement to be invited. And so everyone did just that. There was no talk about what the donations were for, just that they were appreciated. I want to say that the assumption was the money would help pay for funeral expenses and give the family some support while we grieved.
Except that wasn't the case.
Because in those final moments of the funeral, the rabbi stepped forward to thank everyone, and then very cheerfully announced;
"Arlene was so happy to know just how many people were coming to join us here today. She couldn't have been more proud of her family. And I'm sure she would have been elated to see just how much money you all gave today to Planned Parenthood."
When I say that the faces of those people are enshrined in my memory, I mean it. The anger, the devastation, the rage, the betrayal. It was an absolutely gorgeous display of true defeat at the hands of a boss ass old lady who literally fought with her last breath and threw up both middle fingers all the way out the door.
What I'm saying is this.
It is very easy to feel defeated. It is very easy to think that everything is over, and there's nothing left for us to do. It's very easy to say that fascism won, that fear won, that hate won.
But that's only true if you let it be true.
There is always more that we can do. There is a future that is still worth fighting for. And it's more than possible, even when it doesn't seem like it.
And fighting is going to look different every time.
Some days it will look like picket signs in our hands.
Some days it will look like spending time with friends and family and people you love and knowing that you have a community that supports you and your vision of a brighter future.
And some days, it's pulling absolute natural level 20 petty trickster shit even after you've left the world.
Because you can always make an impact and you can always add a little brightness to life, and if that means tricking a group of MAGA idiots into throwing their money behind Planned Parenthood in the middle of your own goddamn funeral then that's what it means.
Keep fighting. People have done it before you. People will continue to do it after you.
And enjoy the little victories.
(Even the petty ones)
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xazse · 4 months ago
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not rlly a request but it can be if uw??
I can't stop thinking abt kitty hybrid user and some big cat hybrid gojo (snow leopard, tiger, lion, etc). Suguru originally had hybrid Gojo as a pet, but then found kitty reader and decided to adopt them, and the moment Gojo sees them, he instantly decides that reader is his mate, and just follows them around like a dumb puppy. He'll cling onto reader and groom them all day, licking their fur and their face and not stopping even when reader complains or when Suguru tries to step in. Gojo is super super possesive of reader, and insists on eating, sleeping and bathing with reader, and will start shredding cushions or other things if denied. He's a big cat, so his claws do some serious damage to furniture, so Suguru has no choice but to give in if he doesn't want to spend everything in his bank account to repair the damage. I'd imagine Gojo and reader would have a similar dynamic to your puppygirl and wolf Gojo fics, but Gojo is the one teasing and getting all over reader. Reader's just too innocent to realise what's going on, so they just let Gojo do whatever. Thanks for reading my little blurb, I just needed to get it out!! Hope u have a nice day ❤️
The Preakness in this needs to be studied omg
I want to expand.
KittyHybrid !reader x Tigerhybrid!Gojo
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Satoru really thinks he owns you like literally thinks you were bought just for him when that’s not the case, well yeah you were bought for companionship but Suguru also got you because he felt the house was too manly? It would be nice to have a girl around. So he got ur little cute self, at the hybrid facility you were the sweetest thing ever, you’d lay yourself all over Suguru in a ploy to go home with him, he of course gave in.
The first few days he has to keep you separated from Satoru for obvious reasons, Satoru is extremely protective over the house, Suguru can’t have any company over besides Shoko who he tolerates in his space. When he first smelt you he was angry, he couldn’t tell you what you were so he was on edge, the thing is he had only smelled you not seen you.
Suguru has you in another room letting you get familiar with Gojos scent and also letting him get familiar with yours, Gojo really won’t leave the locked door you’re behind alone he’s constantly coming near it to sniff and try to unlock it, Suguru has to guide him to get away from it every single time.
When he does meet you a warmth blooms within his chest, women are such a rarity for Satoru especially other hybrids, you don’t come from the same family as him but he’s so obsessed.
He insists that he have an hour licking session of him using his slimy tongue to clean you even though you really don’t need it! Everytime you try to pry him off in a whiny tone he’s hearing none of it. It gets to the point where you have to whine for a suguru to help you: he does but Satoru has the meanest fucking expression on his face when you’re pried from his arms. He goes on to have an attitude for the rest of the day.
You’re so right about Gojo scratching couches with his sharp claws in retailiation, he gets soo clingy with you, so angry when Suguru separates you it’s so bad that like you said Suguru doesn’t want to deal with him ruining expensive things around the house, that doesn’t mean he’ll let Satoru do whatever he wants with you there are some limits.
Most of the time you’re nice and pliant in Satoru’s lap, you don’t fight back when he carries you around the house simply just letting the huge tiger do what he pleases.
You don’t seem to mind when he rubs himself all over you, purring so loudly because he’s just that obsessed with the docile kitty.
Tiger!Satoru loves your little cunt just as much as he loves the rest of you, he’s only gotten to feel your warm insides once because that’s where Suguru drew the line hard. It was the best day of his life, all you did was mewl below him while he stuffed you full of his fat cock, he came so quickly that night.
He craves to feel you again but Suguru stood his ground, he’d get rid of you if it came to that again (not that he wanted to, Suguru really loved having you around the house it was just an empty threat that seemed to work)
Tiger!Satoru will settle for licking and giving you nasty slippery kisses!
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incomingalbatross · 4 months ago
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Having never considered the concept of a highschool retelling of the Odyssey until that one post mentioned them in passing, I'd like to give my own pitch: the Odyssey meets Back to the Future meets whodunnit.
Odysseus is the central figure of the story, of course. He is also one of those high school protagonists who is inexplicably surrounded by half a dozen girls, because emphasizing that aspect of the Odyssey is funny to me. There's Penelope, his actual girlfriend; popular girl Circe; poor little rich girl Calypso; freshman Nausicaa; and Athena, who is older and solidly in bro territory with Odysseus, but still adds to the overall effect of him being surrounded by girls. (Is she a goddess? Idk. Probably she has some other kind of power, like riches or genius or both.)
The cast is rounded out by some of his Odyssey crewmen, maybe a few Iliad Greeks, and Telemachus, a new kid at their school who quickly becomes friends with Odysseus. For about half the story, things focus on slice of life, Odysseus's schemes, and the students' various personal problems. Incidents from the Odyssey are nodded toward, but not directly retold.
Then you get the Back to the Future part with the reveal that Telemachus has traveled back in time twenty years, with the help of future Athena, to solve the extremely cold case of his dad's disappearance by investigating his high school life.
Future Athena was only able to discover that someone from his high school circle was involved; in their time, there were just too many roadblocks set up between her and the truth. And she can't get inside access to those events as her adult self. So it's up to Telemachus to get to know his past parents, investigate their friends, and chase down the clues to discovering where his father's been all his life.
...While hopefully not raising the suspicions of his teenaged, but still infamously clever, parents in the process of this totally straightforward and not at all emotionally taxing mission.
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writing-flower · 12 days ago
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“ Between life and death, death is tempting ”
First act: “From the roots”
Prologue: “Happy fifteenth birthday! (Again?)”
WARNING: Mention of blood and death.
My memory had never been the best, it was good, but not exceptional. Nothing out of this world.
I wasn't as smart as Damian or Tim, I wasn't as strong as Jason or Dick, nor was I as sharp as Bruce Wayne.
I wasn't exceptional, but I was good, but not good enough for them. For him.
God, I was so focused on getting his attention, playing sports, try to pass every subject with the highest grade, join any club like debate or math.
Anything, but all that never leads to anything.
Well, almost nothing, everything I did only caused Damian to see me as a desperate for attention, which, he wasn't wrong.
But still, it didn't make it hurt any less, every insult, malicious insinuation even the occasional threat flying through the air, each one was the result of three years of trying to get someone to look at me.
Sometimes that attention only appeared with Dick, on the few times that he came to visit and came across a scene of me with Damian, He immediately stopped him.
Forcing him to apologize, spoiler, he never apologized.
The first time it happened I thought that my attempts had finally yielded good results, but no, I dare say this was worse.
As if he gave me hope and then suddenly he snatches it away without any fanfare.
Oh wait, that's literally what happened.
And about the others, I didn't even have the chance to talk to them, simply because I was already tired and also because if Damian continued he would have more reasons to screw me.
And let's face it, nobody wants to feed the wolf because you know it bites.
In this case, the bird.
It didn't help that almost the entire family was going on patrol, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested in being part of that, but then I remember Jason...I immediately got that idea out of my mind.
Mm, but if I stop to think, or rather, remember, another thing that I learned in my attempts to get my family's attention, I fell in love with dance.
It was the only class that I didn't drop like the others, I genuinely loved it.
Once in her class, the teacher made us all dance with large, long, and thin fabrics. She made us dance what we wanted, in her words: “Dance as if you were free”.
My companions danced with joy, I just stayed silent for a few moments watching them without knowing how to start.
But then I sighed to close my eyes, letting my body move as it wanted.
“Dance as if you were free” I thought, I started to imagine the music in my head. It was nice, I love it.
I went from knowing what the hell to do to starting to laugh with my classmates, I turned around and then curtsied, feeling how almost all the fabric covered my body.
I open my eyes and see my entire audience applauding, not just me, but also the rest of the dancers.
As soon as I turned eighteen I followed my teacher's advice. I didn't do it before because I was a minor, I needed my tutor's permission and blah blah blah...
Contact with my family at this point was zero, except for the new member, Duke, a sweet and kind boy.
Just looking at him made prayers come to mind for Bruce.
“If you let this kid end up like Jason, I’ll take care of throwing the Joker at you myself, you unhappy idiot.” I was thinking but also listening as Duke energetically told me what his first patrol had been like.
I used to have a certain respect for Bruce, I mean, he's Batman and he does everything in his power to make sure Gotham isn't in such a shitty place.
But then I remember that he keeps adopting children as if they were dogs to give them "A better life" by turning them into human weapons.
Sooooo, yeah, I wish that every day he wakes up with a backache and a headache.
"[Name]"
"Yes dear?" Through the mirror I watched Duke looking at me hopefully as I put on my makeup for the upcoming performance in an hour.
Oh no, I already know what he's going to ask.
"Why do you never come to the mansion?" God, I swear he does that look on purpose, brat.
I sigh as I turn around to look at him.
"You already know my answer, I have no reason to do it and I don't want to either." I said as I turned back to the mirror to continue.
"Yes! I know, but why exactly don't you want to?"
A silence reigned in the room, putting on my makeup but at the same time thinking about what to answer him.
As much as I resent the Waynes, they didn't do anything to Duke, until now, they treat him as he deserves and the last thing I want is to plant that seed of hatred towards them in Duke.
Because I know him, as soon as I tell him what my childhood was like in that mansion and those responsible, the first thing he will do is complain.
And at this point in my life I don't want any unnecessary drama with them.
I lowered the lipstick and looked at him.
"I never liked being in that mansion, since I was little I was always afraid of those giant, dark hallways, and I still am."
Duke stared at me in bewilderment. "Is that the only reason you don't want to come to the mansion?"
I nodded. "It sounds stupid, I know, but every time I walk down those halls it brings back bad memories."
That wasn't a lie.
Duke was silent for a few moments before coming up to me and hugging me.
"Aww, honey you are such a sweetheart sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yeah, because you can be a brat sometimes too." I laughed as I ruffled Duke's hair until it was disheveled.
"A white lie won't hurt anyone." I thought while Duke laughed and tried to pull my hand out of his hair.
Without realizing it, it was already time to start. I said goodbye to Duke, telling him to go back to the mansion, but he insisted on staying.
Something I allowed, GOD, I should have begged him not to do it.
Because from one moment to the next while I was dancing, all the lights went out and when they came back on I felt like blood was flooding my mouth, like everyone was screaming in fear.
What happened? Why am I bleeding?
Duke, he was next to me trying to keep me awake, to not close my eyes.
It got to the point where I couldn't hear anything he was saying, it was complicated while I felt like a part of my body was bleeding non-stop.
I hate to see him cry, please look away... leave me here.
Please...
I don't want the last thing I see to be you crying...
Please...
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She opened her eyes calmly and confusedly, all she could hear was the ringing in her ears. She thought she was in a hospital because of the light.
But when her vision stopped blurring, she realized that the light was not from a hospital spotlight, but from the skylight in the wooden ceiling.
"Wait...Skylight?" She muttered, feeling her voice raspy and her throat sore.
The bed wasn't that soft, it was really hard and uncomfortable but still [Name] didn't want to get up, after almost dying...
[Name] sat up in bed right away.
"I ALMOST DIE!" She literally jumped out of bed and ran to the closet to get her clothes.
She needed to see how Duke was doing, his desperate face and the way he held back the urge to cry and couldn't, broke her heart.
But it was when she pulled out a t-shirt that she realized.
"This isn't my size..." Confused, [Name] walked over to the mirror.
If Duke broke her heart, now she's literally having a heart attack.
"WHAT THE FUCK!?" [Name] could swear that any living thing that was near her would have run away in less time than it takes a rooster to crow.
She touched her face carefully, as if it would disappear or break if she touched it hard, this is so weird...a woman in her late twenties trapped in her fifteen year old self, god, what a hell.
[Name] She stepped back without taking her eyes off the mirror while she sat back down on her bed.
On the other side of the door, she heard someone knocking on it two or three times. Accompanied by a soft but direct voice calling her name.
"Miss [Name]"
[Name] immediately turned around to stare at the door, for a few short moments no one said anything, there was only silence.
"Are you okay? You didn't come down to breakfast. That's not something usual for you." Alfred said once he got no response from her.
"Yeah, I'm fine Alfred...I just stayed up late last night that's all..." She didn't know what to say, obviously it wasn't okay, but she didn't want any more problems in her head, she just wanted to focus on the main problem.
She literally just got younger, which would be a good thing if it weren't for the fact that she also came back to this damn mansion.
"Okay, miss, I'll be waiting for you with your breakfast, you need to eat something before you start the day." [Name] was about to reply until Alfred stepped in. "Also, Happy Birthday Miss."
She didn't say anything, she didn't want to.
Alfred walked away from the door, [Name] could hear his footsteps moving away through the hallways and down the stairs.
"Was it always this quiet?" She muttered in her mind as she turned her gaze back to the mirror.
She thought about her life before coming back here, it wasn't good, she didn't earn much from dancing, but... it was her life, a life that took her time to perfect.
And now, I go back to the beginning? Shit, no.
"Alive or dead, I don't care, either way I'm getting out of here..." She said with some frustration and tiredness. "Happy birthday to me...that's new."
With nothing left to lose, she gets back out of bed to find some clothes to change into.
It was her birthday and she had to look good.
And hopefully, it would be the last birthday she would spend in this mansion.
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NOTES: Hi, I hope everything is okay, even if it's better than me, I had finished the 'prologue' a while ago but I was feeling a bit unsure that something felt out of place or "weird".
I repeat and reiterate, I can understand English but in terms of speaking/writing it I am still learning. Until I feel completely confident for now I will continue using the translator (my savior).
But if there are any errors (probably some, I hope not many) let me know, I want everyone to be able to read comfortably and as long as I can I will make it happen.
Anyway, I hope you like it, I love you! Muak muak💋💋
TAGS:
@crazycaoticsimp @closetreader1864
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undiscovered-horizon · 1 year ago
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[It’s considered good etiquette to ask a man about his wife’s wellbeing. Except if the man in question is Dracule Mihawk.]
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Garp hates having to call Mihawk, mainly because of the warlord's attitude. Used to the usual "yes, sir!" of the Marines, a man with his own will and agenda is not something he entirely knows how to navigate. Especially since both of them know that the World Government needs the warlords more than they need the bureaucracy. And that doesn't exactly help in exercising power.
His attempts at diplomacy have burst into flames each time and today isn't going to be much different:
"How’s the missus?" Garp asks in the nicest tone he can force although he's aware that Mihawk knows how much the vice admiral hates asking for Dracule's assistance.
Mihawk only scoffs. "Are you calling just to spoil my mood or is there another reason for your impertinence?"
"I was just trying to-"
"Don't," he cuts him off in a stern voice. "If you have business with me, speak fast. If you're interested in my wife, I know where you live, Garp. I'd suggest losing your unwelcome nosiness before you lose something else."
Little did Garp know at the time but his little question was possibly the worst strategy he could think of. Dracule Mihawk is not like most men and the mere mention of his wife by acquaintances only enrages him. Work and private life do not ever mix. And he'll be damned if someone tries to breach that, even in the form of a courtesy. Therefore, the rest of the call was filled with openly insulting answers that were bold even for Mihawk. A veiled threat or two also found their way into their rather tense conversation.
You know he's done with Garp when he lets out a frustrated grunt. Sometimes you wonder if this grumpy, forever dissatisfied version of him is the only side of Mihawk his acquaintances know. Maybe he really is two men in the form of one.
He's sitting at his desk, thinking about something and not bothering to get up for now. Considering the fact that his hat is lying on the table and not on his head, Mihawk is probably not planning on going out anytime soon. Then again, judging by his spoiled mood, his homestay is a blessing for the first poor sods that would cross his path.
In slow steps, you stroll to his side, letting your hand brush through his hair. He doesn't say anything, only leans his head further towards you. The thing about Mihawk is that he loved to reject and decline but he never does so to you. No, in your case it's the opposite - he revels in allowing you whatever you want.
So intimidating and combative, yet soft and looking for intimacy. Truly, two men with the face of one.
"My mother used to say that each grey hair is one thing we worry about," you say quietly. "At this rate, love, your whole head will be white by noon."
"Your mother also says that milk goes sour because gnomes piss in it," he retorts. Yes, your mother and her strange folk beliefs... She's probably the only person Mihawk can force himself to be nice to despite his dislike.
His response earns a hearty laugh from you. Clear as day, you can see his posture relax as he listens to the music of your happiness. If he even thinks about the possibility of Garp or any other of his acquaintances hearing it, he might just get furious again.
"Well, nobody's perfect," you say between chuckles.
Then, Mihawk gently grabs your hand and lowers it to his face. With softness and passion that hardly befits a man of his infamy, he kisses the inside of your hand. "You seem to be doing so effortlessly."
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machisneedle · 1 month ago
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hiiii! can I request some hcs (fluff + smut) for chrollo (or any other troupe members) if they have a husband/wife from meteor city (who he grew up with)?
im just rlly tired of ppl constantly making the pt k!snap their s/o’s tbh😕
ty!!!!!
Ofc I can !! <3 also I agree with the kidnapping part , I struggle to find good troupe content that isn't grr yandere zaddy kidnaps you. No hate to those who like that though !
phantom troupe members w a S/O they grew up with !! 🕷️ྀི` .
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✧ characters in this are chrollo , feitan , shalnark , pakunoda
✧ content : headcanon format , fluff , smut / not safe for work content , fingering , oral , p in v ( chrollo , feitan , shalnarks part) , angst / death on pakus , also I don't really know how to write male or gn reader so I just did fem !! I hope that's ok.
!! Minors, please do not interact with this post !!
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Chrollo 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ growing up with chrollo before the incident with Sarasa's death would be quite sweet tbh , staying up late together , talking about finding new tapes to perform and dub over. You were always a constant in his life , which was comforting for him.
✧ after the trauma of Sarasa's death , It just made him need you around him more. that need for you to be safe lasts into his adult years. This man is so protective of you , not in a cliche get away from my girl type way , no its in the way that your safety is on his mind alot. Especially with the line of work he's in. Probably keeps a troupe member with you at most times when he's not home , just in case.
✧ with the fact you grew up together , you already knew the troupe before it existed , so it would be something he couldn't really hide from you.
✧ I'm a firm believer in that chrollo is suffering from insomnia or some disorder that is similar. like this man is never asleep first when you're both in bed , when he finally puts his book away to sleep you can feel his arms snake around your waist as he breathes in your nostalgic scent. He doesn't get many times to relax nor to be so close to you due to the troupe, but he enjoys these moments more than anything , It brings him back to a simpler time.
✧ you both visit meteor City quiet abit (i'd also like to think you got married there) , seeing you pass out new clothes and food to the kids who live there warms his heart , it makes him remember why he fell for you in the first place.
✧ you were his first time and the only woman he wants to pleasure. I feel like growing up with him makes being intimate just that much more passionate , he fucks you like he might never see you again (which is a possibility If he isnt careful enough with protecting you , the reality makes his heart ache.) . Whispering the dirtiest but softest praises into your ear , acting like he isn't making you moan so loud under him , your voice might give out.
✧ this man eats pussy SO well , after the first time he eats you out your just stunned for a second , like what magic did this man just cast on your pussy to make you feel this good. He probably read a book about it or something. Also defo would eat you out because he likes it not for anything in return , your needs come first for him.
✧ about seeing you helping out the kids in meteor City thing I mentioned. when your home be ready. He doesn't have a breeding kink , but the thought of you taking care of his child and doing motherly activities makes him so happy he can't help but want to get you pregnant the second you close the front door. Get ready for a long night , he has stamina , and he won't be stopping till you're absolutely full of his loads. He'd whisper to you how "I should of done this so much sooner , my darling" or "feeling you this raw is pure bliss... like I'm fully claiming you in body and mind."
✧ 100% into cock warming you while reading a book. No one will change my opinion.
Feitan🕷️ྀི` .
✧ when you first met him , he avoided you like the plague. Honestly , at first you thought he hated your guts. Whenever you hung out with him and his friends , he'd refuse to reply to you but he didn't mean it in a rude way he just didn't want to embarrass himself around you because of how bad his english was.
✧ phinks eventually told you why he wouldn't talk to you , which made you feel somewhat bad ? To communicate with him for a while , you used a pen and some paper you found in the garbage heeps writing down what you said to help him learn some English.
✧ the first time hearing his voice is SHOCKING , he wrote down how he didn't want to because it sounded bad but you thought his voice was soothing which you told him , making him a bit more comfortable around you.
✧ As he grew up , he got more reserved but you didn't care sticking to him like glue , he could complain as much as he wanted saying you where wasting your time being around him or that it's too dangerous for you to stick with him but his words never held any malice more concern that you would get hurt by something or his actions but he'd never admit to having such 'weak' thoughts.
✧ like chrollo , he's another protective boy , but he doesn't trust anyone else with protecting you but himself. Would break someone's neck for looking at you in a way he didn't like , oh and don't even get me started if someone tries to hit on you because they think he's just some short loser who got lucky... let's just say later that night you will hear some screaming coming from the basement (aka where he does his work).
✧ you definitely know about the troupe , he's probably the only one who will outright tell you before you can ask. I mean , he literally tortures people... when you move in together , he literally can't hide it , so he's just honest with you. Another thing if the screams from the basement freak you out and you complain he probably will be grumpy about it , but he will line the walls down there to make it not as loud.
✧ for feitan knowing him from childhood will 100% be the easiest way for him to be comfortable around you , feitan just doesn't like people to be honest but your company is actually enjoyable for him.
✧ another cute thing I can imagine is him trying to teach you his native language like you taught him some English. You telling him you love him in his native tongue... the things that does to him.
✧ both of your firsts times are with each other. Honestly , sometimes you doubt he would have ever even had sex if it wasn't for you. Your first time was... not the best because you both had no idea what to do really , but after that mess of a first time , he definitely went to chrollo or phinks for advice. Another thing is not to make fun of him for it , it would really hurt his ego and he'd probably avoid you for a couple weeks.
✧ he is still a total sadist don't get me wrong but with you he's softer , he can't bring himself to hurt you alot. The worst he can do is bite you or slap you , anything else makes him feel icky because it reminds him of his work too much. He still finds your tears really hot though , and will overstim you just to see them.
✧ the first time he finger you , it was surprising how good he was with his hands (for a torturer , I guess you have to be). He's so unfair when he fingers you , he hits spots so deep you see colours then he'll pull back just near your climax saying he didn't say you could finish yet with a dumb smirk on his face as tears threaten to fall from your pathetic looking eyes.
✧ probably doesn't want kids even if you knew him that long his opinion wouldn't change , if you asked he'd say "no. I dont like kids" but really , he didn't mind kids he just didn't want to bring more kids into a world like this.
✧ super random but has eaten you out in your period before , he doesn't think it's a big deal... like he's around blood everyday ? What difference does it make.
Shalnark 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ he definitely mocked and teased you a lot when you were younger. Stealing your shoes when you where acting on the stage with everyone else or messing up your cute braids in your hair , but he never meant it in a mean way , it was his weird way of showing he liked you.
✧ probably the only one out of the guys to realise he had a crush on you as a kid , would cope by being even more of a little shit to you till he went to far one day and actually upset you , which led to admitting he was only mean to you because he had a silly little crush.
✧ this man is sooo clingy to you , he gives pathetic vibes like you can't leave this mf alone for a couple hours without getting messages like , 'babeeee I miss you (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )' and 'come homeeee pretty please ? 。°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°。' (yes I believe he uses emoticons). When he's busy on troupe work he's calling you every hour it feels like , feeding you some lies about being on a work trip.
✧ he wouldn't be honest about the troupe with you. You know all the members as you grew up with them , but he thought leaving you in the dark was better. If you asked too many questions , he'd probably tell you you're being delulu. he doesn't want to lie to you but your safety is too important to him and he knows he isn't like feitan and chrollo , he can't always protect you.
✧ he's not yandere , but he is a bit obsessed with you , having cameras in the rooms in his house so he can watch you when he's lonely on a mission. He wouldn't take advantage of the fact he can see you without you knowing , if you started to change clothes or something , he'd turn the screen off. If he wanted to see you naked he'd literally just ask for nudes or look at old pics you sent him.
✧ your first time was... Good ? Shalnark actually knew what to do , mostly from how much porn he's watched to prepare for the day he finally got to do it. Side note he also made you finish during your first time.
✧ he's such a service top when he doms , he struggles to tease you because of how needy for him you sound , can you blame him though when you look so pretty under him ?
✧ whenever he is busy on work for the troupe but he misses you , he always ends up calling you even if you're in public , whispering sweet praises into your ear through the phone asking you to go to somewhere private because he misses you. "Baby... please ? It's been a week and I'm so needy for you" his whiney voice would beg at you , he was too cute to deny.
✧ he loves seeing you in really girly lingerie. It makes you look so innocent that he feels bad for having such perverse thoughts about you.
Pakunoda 🕷️ྀི` .
✧ while you were trying to catch an injured kitten to help it , crawling over the heep of trash it ran over , you saw a blonde young girl you soon learned who's name was pakunoda holding it , softly stroking its fur as it snuggled up into her. Her caring and nurturing personality has been known since the day you met her.
✧ you two were like two peas in a pod , always cheering her on in the audience when she was on stage with the rest of her friends acting out the tapes. It was so silly , but you both had made a pinky promise that when you grew up you would get married.
✧ after Sarasa's death , she abandoned you to focus on the troupe. She left you with a kiss on the cheek and a "I promise when we grow up , I'll find you... and I won't stop till I do." Being forced out as she looked at your form , hands shaking tears forming and soft begs for her not to leave.
✧ you had no clue how she did it but after you left meteor City and moved to yorknew she found you , waiting for her felt like waiting for glue to dry and when she came back she refused to ever leave you again.
✧ she isn't possessive I'd say , but she does sometimes check your memories to make sure you don't do anything bad when she isn't around. She doesn't worry about your safety as much as the others also because no one knows your her s/o but you both.
✧ she told you about the troupe after you demanded an explanation for her leaving you , though she didn't explain her nen ability to you yet mainly just because she doesn't think you're ready for that.
✧ got you a cat called ophelia , it reminds her of how you both first met and she also likes for you to have company when she's busy.
✧ you weren't each others first times , but with how loving and passionate it felt like it was your first time , you would never forget the feeling of her nails running down your spine as she whispered sweet nothings into your ears , leaving lipstick marks on your jaw.
✧ she doesn't like strap-ons , Likes to think her hands and mouth are enough to make you fulfilled , but if you ask her to use a vibrator on you she wouldn't mind.
✧ LOVES when you sit on her face , her nose is built for grinding on as she eats you out. If you were worried about crushing her , she'd spend a good couple minutes lecturing you about your weight was nothing to her and if she did 'die' being crushed by you , it would be a perfectly fine death for her in her mind.
✧ you would only learn about her nen ability when she found out she was the one to have to go get the boss. She had called you after telling the troupe about you , then explained the situation , asking you to go to the location of the troupes base incase this was the last time she could contact you.
✧ after she got kurapikas chain around her heart , she already knew her fate. After the deal went well getting the boss back , she came to the troupes base. Your wet eyes looked at her as you ran to her , falling to your knees , hugging waist. She felt guilty knowing what she was about to do. she ended up using a memory bullet on you instead of one of the troupe members , you deserve an explanation after you spent most of your life waiting for her.
✧ after her death , you kept her gun , keeping it as your last reminder of her you could bare to keep around yourself. Every once in a while , someone in the troupe would send u a message from a random number to see if you were okay the first year after. You were also set for life as everything she had went to you , but it never filled that hole in your heart.
✧ that promise of marriage never happened , huh ?
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Omg I got abit carried away on pakus LOL. But I hope you enjoy <3
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inkskinned · 1 year ago
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yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."
i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.
the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.
mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.
later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.
sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.
but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.
i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.
every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.
wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?
the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:
he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.
every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.
mahler's fifth still makes me sick.
give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.
give me back what you took from me.
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