#ㅤㅤ𝓖ood 𝓖irl 𝓖uides

[goodgrlguides]

A Good Girl's Guide to Getting Over Childhood Abuse

Get over yourself and recognise where you are.

It sounds harsh but get over your emotions and realise where you are and how you got there. Operating and acting on your emotions will never get you anywhere. And you have to get over that. Get out a journal and write down everything that traumatized you from start to finish and burn it up. This is to show that you recognise where you are and choose to move forward from it.

Notice their wrongs and start doing it right.

One of the root causes of people who struggle with having healthy relationships generationally is because no one tries to fix it. Something that we have to realise is that nothing is ever going to change until you take it and decide to fix it. Choose what sort of life you want to live and make the decision that you are not going to screw up every relationship because of your trauma.

Being a person who has been in quite an abusive relationship with my parents, I had to make the choice that this is not the life I want to live or have my generations live either.

Never, ever numb yourself.

From what I've learned from all the years of being emotionally and mentally abused, there's a difference between numbing yourself and simply being unbothered by their comments. Do not numb yourself, no matter how bad it is. Instead, cultivate the mentality that their perception of you is a reflection of themselves. Take pity on that instead and don't waste important time worrying about it. Numbing yourself turns you into an unfeeling person which will not better you into becoming the best version of yourself.

Take the chance to learn and better yourself.

My last post describes the perfect woman, which is what we should aim to be. This sort of woman is one that will make your abuser see that whatever they did to you was worthless. Rather than taking revenge into your own hands and ruining them with your words, make them regret it by becoming the most you can be. Using your words against them will lead to nothing at the end of it all and it makes you as bad of a person as they are, so remember, the best revenge is becoming more than they could ever be and more than what they limited you to be.

As always, it was a pleasure having you and remember: Be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

perfect hair, exceptional grades, beautiful body, is always right, attractive, beauty with brains, clean and fresh, sexy no matter how she feels, well spoken, well mannered, intelligent, unmatchable aura, trendsetter, scandalous with limit, unbreakable confidence, belief in herself and in others, gives love and deserves even more back, ultimately the perfect woman and goal.

[goodgrlguides]

A Good Girl's Guide to Carrying Whatever Aura Whenever

A girl's aura is the magnetic pull that brings people to her. Of course, not disregarding her personality and all the good points that make her attractive. But specifically, we're talking about her aura here.

Since a lot of people (including myself) struggle to carry the right aura in the right place, ask yourself these questions:

What aura do I carry online right now? - Private (Personal chats, DMs) - Public - In groups

What aura do I want to carry online? - Private (Personal chats, DMs) - Public - In groups

What aura do I carry in-person right now? - What are people's reactions/body language when they see me? Both men and women.

What aura do I want to carry in-person? - What I want people's reactions/body language to be when they see me? Both men and women.

Then take parts that you already have and incorporate it along with the ones that you want to have.

Besides the reflection, let's get to the part of how to actually do it.

Have you ever been getting ready to go somewhere and had a song to go with it? If you haven't, start doing it.

Different music brings a different feeling through you, and we usually match music with an emotion that you're feeling or one that you want to feel. Which means if you want to feel like a pretty badass businesswoman, you make a playlist or pick a song that embodies that feeling that helps you execute it better.

I hate sounding like a music freak, but music is one of the most powerful tools we've been given besides our minds. Your mind and your music work together to create a perfect atmosphere which also leads to the perfect aura.

First, manage your music. Don't just listen to anyone because it's fun, try your best to listen to music that will empower you rather than depress you. Especially when you begin developing into who you want to become.

Second, make a playlist that embodies the aura you want to carry and carefully choose the songs that go in it. Rather than having to pick out music out of nowhere, create a playlist that you can listen to every morning during your affirmations, whenever you're doing your work/schoolwork or whenever you feel down and want to feel more like yourself.

Third, use ChatGPT as an empowering tool. This sounds like I decided to abort the mission of finding your aura, but surprisingly enough, ChatGPT can be used to help you find out more of yourself. Start by taking a song or songs you want to embody that carry a similar aura and ask ChatGPT this question, "I want to embody ____ by ____, what can I do to get that alluring and mysterious but confident vibe? The style, tone of voice etc." And ask it to elaborate more on parts you don't understand. Always feel free to differentiate your friendly aura and your business/serious aura with different music, using the tips I've given you.

If it makes it easier for you instead of referring to this blog post, the following journal I have created is solely for this journey and includes all the questions and more as well as a section to document your progress regularly.

Find the link for the journal attached here: The Good Girl Guides, Volume 1.

Don't forget to ask ChatGPT to give you a guide that you can follow daily and before you know it, you'll be able to embody whatever aura you want, whenever.

As always, it was a pleasure having you and remember: Be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

A Good Girl's Guide to Knowing your Self-Worth

You are never and never will be a burden. You need to get it into your head that whatever you do and whatever people tell you, you are not a burden. I've figured through many years of living with parents that do their best but never find that financial stability when it comes to the important things like buying things your children desire, but for buying for others and events, they always have an overflow of money. This thought of being burden originally came to me through all the experiences that made me age faster than I was supposed to and made me feel as though if I asked for anything, I'd immediately be at fault because I'd be like a liability in their lives. It took me a very long time to realise that I am not a burden, nor a liability. Wanting things and asking for things should not be seen as being a burden to your parents, no matter how long it takes for you to get used to it. I still struggle to ask my parents for things and prefer having a steady income and independence so that I can buy and give everything that my inner child ever wanted. Speaking of which, make sure to continually nurture your inner child. In any case where someone feels like they grew up too fast, their inner child is still crying for the attention and the things that you wanted when you were that child, so make sure to take care of her/him and even when you're lacking energy and motivation, use her/him as a point of contact and remember that your inner child needs to be satisfied and healed in order for you to become a better person. On one last note, never ever let people belittle you or make you feel less-than because of how you look, act or even your age. You were made perfectly in the image of God at the right place, time and to the right parents—even if your parents cause you a lot of pain. That pain is meant to grow you, not destroy you. Every trial in your life is a lesson, and that trial will keep repeating itself until you face it. Face what you fear and that fear will turn into courage, even if you face it with your hands and voice shaking, eventually the fear will break off and the courage will replace it.

As always, it was lovely having you and remember, be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

The way you grow up genuinely affects you. However you grew up will direct the way you think, the way you act, the way you respond and the way you react. But that shouldn't be an excuse to act however you want. Break off the cycle and change. If you got emotionally abused during your childhood, recognize and pinpoint how it's still affecting you now. When you notice that, do your best to change. Change always hurts, especially getting used to it, but it would be better for you to change now than to force your generations to go through the same turmoil you're struggling with. If you're still living with your abusers or co-habituating, don't let them affect you. They are reflecting what's inside of them and it's not up to you to fix them. Improve yourself. Love yourself. Become all they could never be — driven by spite but not revenge. Vengeance is never yours.

[goodgrlguides]

A Good Girl's Guide to Getting Over Rejection and Belittling

Where you are is not where you will remain.

Starting off, we of course need to be willing to fix and change the problem but remember that where you are right now, is not where you will remain. Having that hope will also push you forward and give you motivation to move on. Rejection is never something that should be taken lightly.

When you are ready, start working on yourself.

You can never suddenly just start changing, especially if you grew up feeling rejected and belittled. When you are ready, you can begin working and fixing the problems in your life. But never use that as an excuse to never get around to the problem. When you're ready has nothing to with feeling ready, it's about understanding that where you are isn't right and wanting to change that, even if it hurts.

Recognise that you are never the problem.

People reject others for countless reasons that include lack of responsibility or hatred which is a problem from within themselves. If you were rejected by someone, know that it is not your fault and that not everyone sees you the way that twisted person must have seen you. Know your self-worth. Have confidence in who you are. Have confidence in who you will be if you are still working on yourself.

Never seek validation in people.

A common mistake that a lot of people who were rejected make is that they look for validation in people or things and that is completely normal. It's normal, but it should not be a place you stay in. Never try to make people like you or try to make yourself popular, you'll never benefit from that and end up sadder and more rejected than before. Remember that a person's praise only lasts for so long and it can take even one humanly mistake for the person to change how they see you. People can sense when someone is desperate for something, and it instantly puts them off. Grow yourself, instead of trying to gain attention from people that will eventually see you as a hassle and drop you easily.

Never fall into the wrong places and make yourself vulnerable because of rejection.

People easily find that being rejected makes them vulnerable, but that really should not be the case. I've experienced rejection a numerous number of times, even if it wasn't from people alone, and that had made me build up trust issues and put up a wall whenever I'd talk to someone I didn't trust. I still struggle a lot with trusting people, but I recognise that I was not meant to be in this place of constant defense mode. What really is most important is to not fall into the wrong addictions and circles and using rejection as an excuse. Nothing can ever be an excuse for stupid decisions. Trust me, it's much harder to shake off addictions, than it is to shake off rejection.

Build an immunity to belittling and control your reactions.

Recently, a figure in my life has been constantly trying to belittle me in any case they can find. I figured in moment like this, control your reactions and don't let your irritation show on your face. That puts you in a vulnerable position and people like that grow on the vulnerability and embarrassment. Keep calm and answer them accordingly without starting unnecessary fights and disagreements.

As always, it was a pleasure having you and remember: Be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

A Good Girl's Guide to Becoming a Respectful, Respected Parent

My motto has always been: Be a respectful, respected person. And the only way to become respected is to be respectful. Whether or not you've had parents in your life, your experiences can parent you and become a compass to how you think and the directions you take. A majority of parents desire to be respected by their children, which is perfectly normal because children should respect their parents, but how can you when your parents disregard all courtesy and respect towards you and become dictators?

Taking my parents as an example, they are very old fashioned and continually want to present the smooth porcelain vase appearance, while the inside is overflowing with chaos. Being a child to parents like this forces you to put on a mask every time you go out, almost making you forget who you really are when you have to take it off.

The mask is meant to be a cover-up for the discord and disunity that's going on without other's knowing. It is perfectly normal to not share your personal problems with others, but never do it in a way that will make you forget who you are.

If you feel like you're losing your relationship with your children, ask yourself these questions:

What have I done through the subconscious building stages of their life (Ages 0-12)?

Have been hypocritical in my actions towards them?

Do I treat others differently from how I treat them?

Do I verbally, physically or emotionally abuse them? (Remember, abuse comes in various shapes or forms. Calling them degrading names is a form of verbal and emotional abuse which could lead to the physical deteriorating of their bodies)

A guide to becoming a respectful parent:

Make sure as a parent to never forget your courtesy/respect for your children. Being a parent doesn't make you powerful. Being respected as a parent makes you powerful. Children over-analyze every one of their parents' actions. Which means that if you're acting like a hypocrite but putting on your clean porcelain vase mask, you are not respected, even if they act like it.

Focus on working on communication skills. If you are in doubt about how they are feeling about you or how they are acting when around you, privately talk to them. Don't make a public show of them and humiliate them in public. The joy of private conversations is that it's between you and who you are sharing it with. When you fix your conversational skills, you are automatically up at least one step up the respected tier. Try and do this at the early stages of your relationship with them—gradually continue to build trust and stability.

Also, make sure to accept how they prefer to communicate with you. Some find it better to communicate through writing letters because when they take face-to-face, they find it difficult to elaborate their point of view.

Lots of parents believe that their parents are beneath them, but that really isn't the case. In most cases, the way you raise you children will also affect your relationship with them in the future and both of your health. If you lack communication skills with them, it may lead to building up rejection and resentment towards you. Children are meant to learn and create so do not discourage them in what they want to do because of your fear for them failing or falling. Discipline is necessary, but not to the scale of abuse. Kids need to listen but choose the correct method of getting them to listen to you like clear communication and explaining why you are telling them this.

That's it for now and as always, it was lovely having you here and I hope to see you again soon. Remember, be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

The Good Girl Mantra + Updates

Good girls, finally an update from my radio silence! I've extended my holiday with reason, because I was taking extra time to think about the plan going forward for the Good Girl Guides. Before I get into the content of my post, the first thing I want to establish is the mantra of being a good girl:

Always try and understand your feelings instead of shutting them out — even if that means writing them messily on a piece of paper or screaming them out.

Crying is not a sin. Cry when you want to, you're not weak for showing emotion. People who don't show emotion and try to be strong are usually the weakest.

Never, ever take revenge into your own hands. Instead, make them regret when they see you unfazed by their childish antics.

Always affirm yourself, even at your worst. Remember that you never have bad moments, only lessons that improve you.

Have a Good Girl Playlist with affirming songs that you play whenever you feel down. (Would you be interested in hearing mine??)

Starting up the new year with a little change is always fun so my first announcement would be:

I'm opening an advice column on tomorrow at 8AM GMT+02 time.

I'll be accepting all sorts of questions and messages from you all but make sure to remain respectful so that I don't need to remind you all the mantra for being a good girl.

And my second announcement is:

More posts about my childhood like requested are coming out soon.

If you have any topics you would be interested in hearing me talk about, never hesitate to drop an ask or send me a message, I don't bite at all.

That's about it for now, but I'll see you good girls soon!

As always, it was lovely having you here and I hope to see you again soon and remember, be a good girl.

XOXO, Good Girl Guides.

[goodgrlguides]

In any case, be like a tiger. Hide your claws and only use them when necessary. I learnt this hack surprisingly from an animal fact card I used to collect in the when I was a kid. Never show people you don't trust, the real you. Cherish it and show it to people you cherish.

[goodgrlguides]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ©ㅤ𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒.

ㅤㅤ𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 / 𝓼𝗎𝖼𝖼𝖾𝗌𝗌, 𝓱𝖾𝗋𝗆𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝒷𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗂𝗈𝗇𝖺𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗌 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝖨 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋 — 𝑀𝑖𝑥 𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑚𝑎, 𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑐𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑠, 𝑚𝑦 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑝𝑎𝑗𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑠, 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑝𝑙𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑒, 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑏𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑖𝑒 𝑢𝑠𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑑, 𝑞𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑠𝑤𝑖𝑡𝑐ℎ 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡, 𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒, 𝑤𝑒'𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑡𝑒-𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒, '𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑛-𝑛-𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑑𝑟𝑖𝑣𝑒-𝑏𝑦.

[goodgrlguides]

Super excited to finally announce The Good Girl Advice! I'm a little late because of some developing issues but always feel free to pop in and chat to me, or ask for advice on @goodgirladvice !

[goodgrlguides]

So i've been thinking over the holiday about the Good Girl Guides moving forward and I really wanted to know your opinion on something. Would you guys prefer more posts about what i've learnt during childhood living with parents who were emotionally abusing me or would you prefer more cosmetic/aura building based posts?