#like if it isn’t hard enough already !!!
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Curly not immediately punishing Jimmy for assaulting Anya is something I don’t think a lot of people are viewing in the complex context for Curly as the superior to both of them and closest confidante they had.
Like I am in no way saying he didn’t under react or fail Anya by not being harsh or direct with Jimmy but it really is the case that he really couldn’t. Imagine being stuck in such a confined space with very little areas to genuinely hold someone if they commit a crime. It’s not like this was an event that occurred before they departed or that they have easy communication with The Pony Express to ask for how to proceed when something like this arises. Not to mention, Jimmy’s relative power in relation to Anya as the co-pilot and second in command, he has the knowledge and access to do something to her had Curly directly punished him in this setting.
They were also Curly’s friends. It’s not just the case of him mediating something between his subordinates but people he is personally invested in don’t want to see spiral further in Anya’s case while also not wanting believe his friend go that bad in Jimmy’s actions. They were both suicidal and Curly putting Jimmy’s stability first is both out of bias but also the fact he’s aware at some level Jimmy is a danger to himself and others if not constantly placated. Combined with the fact he was in denial or just not piecing together what Anya said it’s hard to say what he buying time for and what he had treat as urgent. This isn’t even saying he doesn’t care about Anya but he’s not going jump to the worst conclusions about his friends even if part of him acknowledges the evidence saying so. It’s a complicated thing but he’s still human and needed to process it on top of trying to keep a ship that already took on a lot of water from further sinking, metaphorically.
I just personally think that while Curly failed Anya, it was a scenario where there wasn’t much he could do to the best thing by her safely and like Jimmy, we are underestimating what a good leader would do in a very fragile and tense situation like he was in. By the time he may have been ready and had a plan, things were much too late.
#like in my one Anya still respected Curly after he didn’t punish Jimmy so I assume he still respected her or reassured her he’d do something#it just was never enough because sadly Jimmy just needed to be removed from the ship and that’s not possible#cause no matter what Jimmy was going to do something stupid to fix it and Curly had to be thinking of a way to avoid that but also trying to#play the subjective role of friend and objective role of captain with two of the people he is currently closest with#not to mention how he’s a big picture guy and it’s not an excuse but those little detail and subtle behaviors are probably lost if the big#picture looks fine still and he admits he’d drive himself crazy trying to look for it#like weirdly Curlys character is only seen through the people he tried to protect and we judge him on his failures but we don’t get too much#on his insights directly as Jimmy is unreliable and he tries hard to be gentle with Anya#personal note is I don’t think Curly underplaying Anya’s trauma is a guy code protecting my bud thing but more a flaw in his personal#character in where he just wants everything and everyone to be ok in the end and taking responsibility that isn’t his to bare like he can’t#make up for what Jimmy did but he tried and that’s the problem really cause he’s just used to actually fixing it for him and it’s the case#this is the one thing he really couldn’t like I think he’s a good guy but he’s trapped in his and a bunch of other peoples worse moments#anya mouthwashing#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#mouthwashing curly#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing anya#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse Anya#mouthwashing spoilers#rape tw#suicide tw#also last thought is how he like also was being emotionally drained by Jimmy constantly like Anya and his relationship with Jimmy parallel#each other in such a way that both him and Anya warily follow the words of the others abuser because they fear the physical or emotional#repercussions if they don’t like her not being able to really tell curly what happened and then curly not being able to do the same and how#jimmy assaults and dehumanizes both when they are no longer a service to him like god they are more adjacent than Jimmy and Curly like Curly#messed up in a already messy pile Jimmy mad it into a dumpster fire in a landfill they are not the same
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i don’t think it is humanly possible for the Robby-Johnny relationship to be as good as the writers want me to believe it currently is going, but i also don’t think it’s going half as bad as people on here or on reddit say it is, so it is incredibly challenging for me to find posts I agree with about them anywhere
#robby keene#johnny lawrence#cobra kai#like sorry it just wasn’t hard for me to buy that johnny was being more supportive of Robby than Miguel at the tournament#we saw him more upset when he lost Robby than Miguel in the scene where johnny loses the locker room#we hear him yelling it’s okay robby multiple times when Robby flops#in the first fight and the platform fight#them hugging when Robby beats kwon#him defending Robby to Miguel on the plane him going specifically after Robby in the brawl#them living together a lot of the time now#them having a good summer together#johnny clearly still putting in the work despite being given a clean slate w a new baby#like i find it very believable that he gave Robby a pep talk or two lol#it would be nice to see it and i wish we did but it’s just not a stretch to me#it makes perfect sense that Robby doesn’t improve til someone on the actual team backs him as a leader#the break for me is i don’t believe that Robby isn’t still mad or slightly mean to his dad anymore#like he needs to be shitty to johnny onscreen one more time and johnny needs to take it#and then I could buy that they are getting to the point the show wants us to think they’re getting to#I also don’t think they’ll ever have a perfect relationship#and I do completely get why people don’t have good faith built up in their relationship or in Johnny#but it gets to a point sometimes where it feels like people twist the show to make Robby’s life harder or sadder than it already is#his life has already been hard he already has enough depth and making him the perfect victim in the whole show makes him boring btw#I’d also love to read a single post about Robby-Miguel or Robby-Carmen that isn’t blatantly racist#but those posts haven’t been invented yet#it’s awesome to imagine reading one one day though
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getting bitched at for using an ounce of logic in the workplace 🤪
#they’re changing our promo last minute#which is already annoying but they do that all the time#but it’s the max will be 60% off select categories#and want us to put up to 70% off in the windows#i told my boss hey don’t you think that will piss off customers#and promptly got shut down hard#‘that’s what jennifer wants’ as if jennifer isn’t the person i respect least in this company#god forbid we make sense !!!!!!!!!!#sorry to complain about work so much i just genuinely feel like im losing it#i’m not saying i’m right all the time but good god i’ve been here long enough to see what works#all we’re doing is confusing customers in a bid to sell off the same shit we’ve had for 2 years#and they don’t seem to understand that promo doesn’t change the product itself#anyway. i’m far enough away that i would do it my way if my boss wasn’t visiting on saturday#maybe i will change it after she leaves. i dont give a shit#i hope everyone comes in and asks her for sizes in all the stuff we don’t have#and asks her what’s 70% off bc the truth is. nothing !!!!!!#gg txt
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it just occurred to me that xander will probably inherit halway comics. i never really thought deeply into his future career ever but it makes a lot of sense to me. moffy will take over hale co, luna becomes ceo of fizzle, xander will run halway comics, and kinney….its honestly early days in terms of her characterization so we don’t know that much about her yet besides she likes vlogging and fashion. i never imagined rose giving it up but honestly maybe she would pass on calloway couture to kinney because none of her own kids are /that/ fashion inclined (or really as business minded as the hale kids seem to be so far) and rose has always been a huge role model and inspiration to kinney. if this does end up happening the hales will go from already being the most successful and employed family to being even richer and more successful. they are so slay like that. and also in this perfect world i have dreamed up i think they should all 4 have equal stock in / power over superheroes and scones because that place is just so family 💙
#this came to me because i was just thinking of how moffy wants to be ceo of hale co and then i was like wait but what about everything else#honestly xander is more into fantasy books and movies than comics but i still think this would work for him#because if not i’m SO curious what his career will be#things have been so focused on getting him mentally stable that the series never really lets you think that far ahead for him#i wonder what his major is 🤔#they probably said it and i forgot….lol#mine#like us series#the calloway couture thing also JUST occurred to me BUT HOW SWEET WOULD THAT BE?!#enough about the cobalt empire there is a hale DYNASTY right in front of our faces#like moffy ALREADY started his own foundation too ???? and luna is a successful author#moffy is mid 20s and has like 57 jobs 😭😭😭#sulli is taking after her dad and just making money off sponsorships / athletics#eliot is SO jobless like a stage actor who is never even in demand ??? and tom’s band isn’t taking off ???#and charlie’s job is professional being a dick and spreading carbon emission#yall are sleeping on the real hard workers!!!!!!!!
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Noooo…… first it’s Yuuta and Shoko, now they’re yo-yoing back around to Megumi.
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#no they’re bashing megumi even more than ever now…. sometimes some characters aren’t built for all of THIS AND ITS OKAY#he’s forever traumatized bro he just lost his sister in front of his eyes and his body was the one that killed her#same situation with Gojo who took care of his sister and he from when they was toddlers and up#megumi doesn’t want to live anymore and yuuji has already tried getting through to him he’s completely broken and even if he’s saved megumi#might not ever be the same#I feel like fans keep on forgetting that these are kids going through all of this stuff that even some of the hardest adults wouldn’t be#able to handle#they bash him but a lot of these same ppl forget what happened to getou and love him unconditionally#they’d say “’well other characters have lost a lot as well and they’re still trying!’ and I just have to#restate that again; simply not every character is built like some hard boiled shounen badass jjk is not the usual shounen that a lot of#fans still refuse to see tbh like it’s kind of built different 🗿#it’s core genres are literally horror/psychological horror like no one if gonna be bouncing back like Naruto bro#and in Naruto’s case he never got to see anyone precious to him die in front of him#who knows what Naruto would’ve went through if sasuke was killed in front of him#but then again#Naruto was already a crazy ass#he vowed to kill sasuke and die with him so nvm#but megumi ISNT crazy like that that’s the difference ajsjsjsj#he’s always been one of the more rational characters amongst his peers#he’s so normal!!! everyone else is fucked up or got larger personalities than he does#maybe ppl are pissed off at the fact that megumi simply isn’t fighting back… it’s frustrating but he’s in pain bro#I don’t see him making it out alive at all either if I’m being real#Yuuji might be one of the only characters to survive at this rate I doubt Yuuta is even going to pull through after the techniques 5 min#are up either…#rambling#the point it…… as sad as it may sound all of the characters fighting so hard now are doing so because they simply have to#Sukuna is literally a calamity and these are the only characters left who will even stand any chance against such a great entity#they don’t have much of a choice man#Gojo tried to prepare his students for the future so that they’ll be strong enough to fight back anything together. not alone#Everyone is doing what they can now
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watching booktok realize all these authors they love are actually the worst is satisfying me to no end bc i’ve been in the hater olympics for a long time now and i can tell when a bitch is rancid and so many of those ones i’ve known about for a hot minute
#misc.#n e way i’m patiently awaiting the day#tayl*r jenk*ns r*id at least gets knocked down several several pegs#bc not only is writing kinda shitty she’s write bad latino representation that white people think is fucking great#and idk that makes me kinda want to die !#like if it isn’t hard enough already !!!#im not saying only white authors should write white characters but i am saying white authors should do better and work harder#bc personally i don’t really love when we’re portrayed as manipulative and alcoholics and whores and maids#i don’t think that’s flattering or helpful at all
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guys don’t worry, aziraphale is just in his zuko arc
#the way joanie and i have been screaming in dms for like an hour#but y’all—#it’s the way that he’s getting everything that he thought he ever wanted and will come to learn that it isn’t at all what he thought#im going to be the number one aziraphale protector#heaven has severely brainwashed his perception of good#he’s so naturally good-hearted but since they go against gods plan.. he thinks he must be bad#like just look at his recation after saving job’s kids!!!#for him… this offer is like someone reaffirming him ‘you are a good being. you are not evil.’#and this idea has blinded him to what crowley actually wants#throughout the season crowley has been doing good things (because that’s just who he is)#but aziraphale sees it as the angel in him basically wanting ti be free#he probably thinks that them both being angels is the best way they *can* be together#and thinking back to their conversation about loneliness.. he probably feels that he is giving crowley a community by giving him an in#with the ‘good guys’#he doesn’t realize that all crowley ever needed was just aziraphale#aziraphale has always been enough!!!!#and just..#UGH.#ITS SO CLEAR HOW HES ALREADY HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS ON THE DECISION BUT IS TRYING SO HARD TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THIS ID RIGHT#HE THINKS HE CAN FIX IT FROM THE INSIDE#PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH HIM… HES JSUT GOING THROUGH HIS ZUKO ARC#good omens spoilers#good omens
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“You’ll never get a second chance,
plan all your moves in advance;
stay dead, stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead & out of this world”
Ectober Day 5: Hunt/Haunt
#my edits#valerie gray#danny phantom#ectoberhaunt23#ectober 2023#ectober#red huntress#used the skateboards in place of her weirdo surf board thing#thought it would be a cool character thing for her if we ever got a reboot#EH hunt#EH haunt#Valerie was a really hard one to work with (for one finding reference for any girl that isn’t white) but her vibe is SO hard to nail down#and like losing literally all her money and ‘friends’???#being 15 sucks enough already like dang#this whole show is kids paying for adults mistakes IN THIS ESSAY I WILL-
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My roommate and I had a conversation last night and I keep rotating it in my brain and I Don’t Like It
#blue chatter#they called me a resilient person. and no the fuck I am not. I break down so easily over everything and my body is falling apart on me.#I scream in terror when someone knocks on the door too hard the fuck you mean I’m good at handling adversity#I pointed out that I freak out whenever my grade gets low even a little bit#and they were just sitting there like ‘yeah. and then you pick yourself up again and you do the work.’#and no? not always? oftentimes I give up and don’t try hard enough to fix it and let points go that I could have earned#I barely ever go for extra credit opportunities and I’ve never gone to office hours of my own free will#I can’t even think about talking to a professor about a bad grade without wanting to cry? hello?#but they were insistent that even with those things I am still managing Incredibly Well in class given the circumstances. which made me#uncomfortable. like. I don’t think of myself as resilient At All and I feel a bit like I’m lying or tricking them.#I start shaking like a chihuahua when people are upset and I’m In The Vicinity. even when they’re clearly not upset with me.#I really struggle to advocate for myself ever and even when I do I usually feel guilty and walk it back partway so I don’t cause a fight#and I always get way too emotional for the situation when someone has anything they’re upset with me for. which isn’t fair to them bc I need#to be able to take constructive criticism without taking it as a personal attack on me.#like what the fuck do you mean *resilient*. I can’t even handle seeing a bug flying near my face or getting a B in a class. or being told#that I did something wrong. I’m actually significantly worse at handling adversity than I used to be. high school me was a resilientish kid.#and it’s not like I was ever *good* at handling my emotions. even when it was essential for my safety. I’ve always cried way too easily#even when it actively made the situation I was in Much Worse. even when I knew better.#I would get angry and scared and sad and start shaking and crying and even screaming at my parents when they were mad at me even though#I knew that it would always make my life much worse. and extend an already beleaguered argument.#I brought this up with my therapist and she was like ‘well. anybody would have done that if they were treated like you were’.#which. okay. maybe so. I still feel like I should have been able to handle it and just shut up and move on and not make it worse.#but I am aware that this is probably a cognitive distortion. even so. that definitely doesn’t make me resilient.#I just. I feel gross being called resilient. I’m not. I’m weak and easily scared and unable to handle even small amounts of adversity.#the fuck is my roommate even *seeing*.#the annoying part is that they’re generally an insightful person about other people and I know logically that they’re probably right#which is why I’m not going to complain any more about this to their face bc I should just drop it and not make it a Thing#I talk too much about myself and my problems anyway. not every conversation has to be about my brain worms.#but the discomfort is Distinct and Unpleasant. and now I’m just having to sit with it. and Feel Uncomfortable. and try to accept what was#definitely intended as a compliment. I know it’s draining to talk to someone who doesn’t accept any of the kind things you say about them.
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Can I have a hug
#side effect of slowly getting better is I now have to work out how to have a life after when it feels like I ruined everything#I know I didn’t and my illness would’ve done this eventually but it feels like it cause my degree is worthless now#can’t do any of the jobs that I was going to do anymore#can’t do most entry jobs#can’t do retail or food service or most peoples first jobs#don’t really have irl friends anymore#I’m just. ugh.#my parents said they’d pay for me to go to college again so I can get a degree that works for remote jobs with higher pay than my original#field. which isn’t hard bc that pay was gonna be 20k a year for like six years lmao#and I did stumble across some resources for which doctors can treat my illnesses in Europe so I could try to use it as a way to finally#fucking leave this country but idek how I’d go about getting accepted to a university anywhere if I already have a degree that just doesn’t#work for me anymore#and I’m sad that I can’t do the career I poured my soul into for so long#and I miss my friends and feeling confident#I’m glad I’m getting healthier enough to think about after but I’m terrified and exhausted just thinking about working out how to find what#comes next and what’s possible#and I’m just really really sad#and I’m scared of getting too hopeful about anything#I really miss Austria and people have said I’d really like Germany and I’d love to move but I’m scared I’ll research and find nothing
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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope#I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little#and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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How does one even get over existential dread
#I’ve had it all week and it’s giving me anxiety <3#i feel like spring is always the worst for my anxiety#and idk it feels like I’m trying but it’s never good enough#(my unhealthy perfectionism yes)#and then I’m also like what even is the point to anything#and then it’s like thinking of all the people in the world and how many we are and how it’s hard for everyone#and we’re all with our own lifestyles and traditions and whatnot#that’s always overwhelming#my brain zooms out too much as my bestie put it#and I also feel like I’m failing at life#even tho that’s not really a thing ????#25 isn’t old but it feels like I fucked up my life already which is so dumb#I know rationally a lot of things are fucked up the way my anxiety puts it#but i am still not like over it#and this isn’t like new stuff#I’ve had this sort of thought process for years and I can’t seem to get out still#do I just need to go back to obsessively reading romance again#so I’m no thoughts head empty just unrealistic scenarios#do I just gotta ride it out until I’m 30 and I’ll magically get less insane#do I just start looking for a rich husband#okay rant over#feel free to ignore me#this week’s been rough#I’ll hopefully get over this soon#tbd later
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Do you ever have someone say something to/about you and go ‘yeah this is gonna stick around for a while’
#I was joking about how my new fear is getting food poisoning. that I think everything is going to make me sick#we were deciding something to eat and I just joked like ‘this is my newest fear my brain is obsessing over isn’t that inconvenient lol’#but my mom just goes ‘I can’t do this right now. I can’t deal with your stuff right now’ and walks out#and like yeah she’s feeling bad but… that really hurt#like I try SO HARD to not be annoying to my parents#I already feel like a failure as is#I’ve shut up about having trouble at work#I try not to complain about finances#I feel like I can’t even talk to them anymore. like I’m always pestering them#trust that I would move out if I could. if I had a job that paid enough or friends that were looking for roommates#or both#I’d move out.#but I can’t.#vent tw#illness mention#I can’t wait to see my therapist
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#plagued by thoughts and emotions.#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
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having to defend Berkeley De La Porta is wild bc that mf is guilty as sin
#mock trial#poe cameron duress defense goes hard#but de la porta is clearly guilty#like there’s enough there to not say it meets beyond reasonable doubt#but not enough to convince me that it isn’t crazy that DLP hasn’t already been locked up lmaooo#also justice for anyone who had to play amari ebi that witness report sucks ass so hard#amta#american mock trial association#berkeley de la porta#reds ramble tag
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I think the thing that doesn't jive for me with J/H most of the time is that theres a lot of stuff where its made out like jean is ooooghghg Suffering because harry doesn't Care for him as much as he Cares for Harry and it rings really false to me. Harry would... care a lot? He would care very very much and in his own broken way try his best to express it? Maybe it wouldn't always come out right (see: the video game disco Elysium) but he wouldn't Not Care As Much. He would care. He would care so much it would be a major source of tension in whatever they'd call that whole situation, because (points at jean) unable to reciprocate even if he wanted to, which most of the time I doubt he does.
#ive been the black hole of self-pitying misery before man. you aren't actually the support beam of any relationship in that state.#though it sure as fuck can feel like it from the inside#idk maybe this is 100% projection on my part but whenever someone takes jeans whining at face value I want to empathy blast them#so they can see the kind of shit my equally unwell and problems having friends were putting up with when I was still Like That#he isn't the most saddest guy with the worst troubles he just doesn't respect his own pain enough to not compare it#like it is a defence mechanism and it Sort Of helps you for a while Sometimes#but at the end of the day it also closes you off to the kinds of relationships that will save your life#caveat to this also that “care a lot” doesn't equal “would be good at having a normal and nice relationship”#sometimes the more you care the worse it gets yk?#(Points at dora dreams)#Sighs. SECOND caveat that “can’t or doesn’t want to reciprocate” isn’t “is evil and terrible”#loving an addict is hard#Choosing to close off a little is reasonable especially if you are already in your own hole#though as I said at the start. That precludes some intimacy#anyway damn ! Damn (digs a hole with my paws and buried him)
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