#though as I said at the start. That precludes some intimacy

[convoloutedinjoke]

I think the thing that doesn't jive for me with J/H most of the time is that theres a lot of stuff where its made out like jean is ooooghghg Suffering because harry doesn't Care for him as much as he Cares for Harry and it rings really false to me. Harry would... care a lot? He would care very very much and in his own broken way try his best to express it? Maybe it wouldn't always come out right (see: the video game disco Elysium) but he wouldn't Not Care As Much. He would care. He would care so much it would be a major source of tension in whatever they'd call that whole situation, because (points at jean) unable to reciprocate even if he wanted to, which most of the time I doubt he does.

[neonsheepcollector-blog]

Human relationships/partnerships/friendships are not white-and-black.

Something that I’ve come to understand in my thirty years is that there is a vast variety of human relationships, and how we experience the joy and struggles of companionship with the people in our lives.  And I want to dispel (and reinforce) certain ideas.  The way people move in life together, the way they love, is diverse, dynamic, and multifaceted. 

Just as there is a great rainbow of sexual, and gender expression, so there is of human interaction and partnership (and in many instances, these play together well).  Relationships are, for many people, not so cut and dry as the terms ‘boy/girlfriend,’ ‘friend,’ ‘partner,’ ‘significant other,’ ‘made-family,’ etc.  The range of human emotion and the outright complexity of interpersonal relationship fails to incorporate many kinds of situations that fall outside normally-accepted social constructs.   Many people have family who are not blood, just as many people have partners who do not fit the definition of a romantic partner.  I’m going to talk here more specifically about these non-traditional partnerships as there’s nearly endless (both useful, and useless, advice out there on that).

That means:

Not all life partnerships need be romantic or sexual in nature.  Some start, or wind up that way, but not all are, and this is not a bad thing. Emotional intimacy expresses in many ways, and you can express intimacy in both romantic, and aromantic ways.   You do not have to be attracted to someone who is your life partner; you can be, or you may be, depending on degree, over time, from start to finish, etc.  All are variables on the individual.  But bottom line, no one said somewhere that the person you choose as your partner must be your romantic partner.  I’ve known plenty of people who have deeper, more meaningful connections with a non-romantic life partner than they do fleeting/temporary/otherwise passing romantic interests, and trust me that isn’t as uncommon as you might think.

Life partnerships/close companionship need not be monogamous, whether the relationship is romantic/sexual or not!  Again, boundaries, communication, and respect are essential.  

Not all romantic partnerships need be sexual, or physically intimate.  Whether this is conscious choice, or because one or both parties are on the asexual spectrum, again this is not a negative.  Respect for boundaries and preferences are part of the key tenets of trust of any close relationship with someone else.   Some people rarely want sex or physical intimacy, even if they don’t identify as asexual.   Some people who identify as asexual are open to doing things with a romantic partner.   Some people rarely--if ever--are sexually attracted to actual people.  These are facts about other people that must be respected. Understanding isn’t as important as respect.  

And please, please remember this one: soulmate does not necessarily mean ‘sexual/romantic partner’.  

You do not need a formally acknowledged title, a term, a word, a social convention, ruling, or public recognition to make your emotional partnership valid and important in your life.   And even if you do have the luxury of those terms (and yes, it is sometimes a luxury, even a privilege, especially in regions/cultures where same-sex, non-binary/genderqueer relationships are stigmatized).   YOUR ABILITY TO PUBLICLY ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE DOES NOT MAKE IT LESS PERSONALLY LEGITIMATE. Oftentimes, as singular individuals, in difficult circumstances, you can do little to change the views of society, parents, religious structures, etc.  Your inability to disclose these relationships or partnerships does not invalidate their authenticity, or your authenticity.   Having non-traditional relationships can sometimes be socially frowned upon.  Respect each other’s situations.

You are not required to explain any relationship to someone else.  You don’t need to tell someone the details, or nature of your relationship (I’m leaving out examples of legal questioning for sake of argument here).   It’s not their business.  Other peoples’ opinions, speculations, suggestions, etc, are immaterial.  Ideally, they should only remark on those at your request.  Nobody likes busybodies. 

The rules of other peoples’ relationships and partnerships are not something you are owed an explanation of.

“Life” partnership does not necessarily mean “lifetime”.  People change, situations change, feelings change.  I feel like people are stuck in this mindset that when you develop something with someone, the goal is for it to stay that way...forever.  That’s ridiculous.  Even in the most traditional, life-long, monogamous partnerships, the nature, intensity, and character of a relationship can change.  This is called being human.  People grow and change as years go by.  You find ways to incorporate new things, new emotions, etc into their lives.  This does not necessarily mean any partnership is destined to fade or break apart--some do the opposite!--but it does mean you need to be open to change and be self-aware.  There is always room for personal growth.

Consent. This doesn’t just mean consent in a sexual context. You are not required to give someone consent to do something, take a responsibility, involve themselves, or ask emotional intimacy of you unless you are prepared to give it, and neither is the other party.   Especially when it comes to sharing details of your life with someone.  You are never allowed to make another person’s choices for them without their consent.  You don’t select their other friends, you don’t control their access, you do not take from them that which they are not ready and willing to give.  Again, just because you have an established, long term partnership with someone does not give you control, nor they over you.  Communication, negotiation, mutual respect and understanding, and being open and honest, are paramount.  Talking about feelings--even things like loneliness, jealousy, feeling neglected, or hurt by certain actions you or they do--need to be discussed before they ferment, and a relationship (of ANY kind!) becomes toxic. 

You aren’t required to mirror each other’s ideologies.   Whether this is religious, political, cultural, etc, it doesn’t matter.  You’re under no requirement to completely share your worldview with a life partner, companion, romantic partner, metamour, or anyone, really.  While it helps to see eye to eye with someone on most issues, rarely, if ever, do people agree on everything.  That is not a negative, or a failing. That is life.  Respect them, and they should respect you in turn.  So long as you both have this fundamental respect for each other’s thoughts, you should be free to agree, disagree, or agree to disagree.   Rarely (if ever) should this preclude your partnership moving forward (though it can be difficult or impossible if you or the other person has views that invalidate you or them; I’m just going to assume that if you’re at that point, that isn’t a problem).

Remember, at the end of the day, that the people you journey with and keep close are important to you, and you to them.  Respect, love, and treasure them.  If other people don’t understand how you or any partner you have, or friend, or whatever work, that isn’t your problem, nor do you have a duty to explain. It doesn’t take away from the validity of what you have with someone.

[generalknowledgehelp]

A Shy Girl

Our parents were friends, and Maya’s mother came to visit my mother periodically with her two daughters. The older daughter was a lively creature and would promptly lead my elder brother to the garden to walk and talk. I was left with the younger one, Maya, a shy girl of few words. Awkwardly, I would get her to accept a lemonade and sit next to me to look at a magazine. If my fingers touched her hand as I turned the pages, she withdrew it in a flash and her face changed colour.

I finished school and went to college and didn’t see her for some years. Then I went to a family wedding and encountered Maya’s mother. Next to her was a striking tall woman, in a simple white-and-green dress, her lush hair in a long braid. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was Maya. She looked like a character out of a Jane Austen novel, placid and statuesque. She was no more loquacious than before, but I persuaded her to come to a quieter area where we could talk. She was in college herself, devoted to her studies but interested in art. She was, she said, considering specializing in photography.

I would have liked to keep talking with her, but the social situation precluded such intimacy. I wasn’t smart enough to gather her contact details before she rejoined her mother and moved away.

I saw her only twice after that, fleetingly, on social occasions. Apparently, she had married and moved to another town.

It was more than a decade before I heard that she had returned to the city. Her marriage had ended and she had started a new life, working as a photographer for an advertising agency. I had not forgotten the shy girl who had withdrawn her hand at the slightest touch, nor the striking woman at the family wedding.

I turned up at her office. She gave me an uncharacteristically broad smile and took me over to the café next door for a cup of coffee. In office clothes and her hair in a bun, she looked different but as remarkable as ever. I said I was sorry that her marriage had ended, but I was glad that she was back in town. Diffidently, I added I would like to see more of her.

She was quiet for a few minutes, leaving me anxious about the meaning of her silence. She said then she would be happy to see me. She did not have many friends, she added, and she thought of me as a special friend. I was touched. She was starting a new phase of her life. She was also starting on a new profession. She had overcome her natural reticence to tell me that I had, after all, a special place in her life. It made me happy.

I saw a lot of her in the following weeks. There were two very different sides to her. She was very friendly and I felt special in her company. Yet, in some indefinable way, she seemed to draw a line that I felt I could not cross. Was this the result of an embittering experience she had had? Or was it a natural sense of caution she observed? I did not know. But I knew I was happy in her company and I was content to stay close to the invisible orbit she had gently but deftly drawn around her.

She was gradually getting busier in her work. The advertising company demanded long hours of her, often beyond the normal workday. In addition, at times she took on private assignments that she felt were artistically important to her. I encouraged her to take them, for, beyond the remuneration, it seemed to add to her professional confidence. It meant though that she had occasionally to go out of town and had less time for me.

Meanwhile, my work pressures grew. I called her as I traveled, but I longed to see her and be with her. After a week-long trip, I drove direct from the airport to her place. She came to the door of her apartment. “Hello, stranger!” she said jocularly.

“I don’t want to be a stranger,” I said.

“I don’t want you to be,” she replied. She looked at me. She seemed to have something on her mind. Then she said, “I have a problem. I took this apartment on a short-term lease. Now the landlord wants it back.”

I thought fast. I said, “I have a solution.”The following week she moved in with me.

The writer is a Washington-based international development advisor and had worked with the World Bank. He can be reached at mnandy@gmail.com

via Blogger https://ift.tt/2LCyPLK

[dailyaudiobible]

07/08/2018 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 5:18-6:81, Acts 26:1-32, Psalms 6:1-10, Proverbs 18:20-21

Today is the 8th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It's great to be here with you today as we cross the threshold and step into a brand-new week. We had a great long walk all over the world yesterday and those pictures continue to come in on the Facebook page, which is beautiful to see. We can talk about that in a little bit. Let's dive in by taking the next step forward and the first step of this new week. We’ll read from the new international version this week. 1 Chronicles chapter 5 verse 18 through 6 verse 81.

Prayer:

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for your faithfulness to us through your word, your faithfulness to us through the power of your Holy Spirit and your overwhelming love sustaining us as we move into this new week. We thank you. We love you Father and we take to heart everything that we’re learning. We’re watching your Holy Spirit continue to give Paul influence where he should otherwise not have its and you're telling us in the book of Proverbs that's our tongue has the power of life and death. And, so, we invite you into that today as we contemplate it, that what we say today can be life-giving, but can also be life taking. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, it's where you find out what’s going on around here.

Man, we had a great long walk yesterday. Some of you are doing your walk today and the pictures, they keep coming in it at the Facebook page, which is Facebook.com/dailyaudiobible. So, if you hadn’t had a chance to scroll through that, you might want to. It’s a great way to get a sense of community and just windows into each other's lives. And those continue to come in. I enjoy it every year. I’m glad I wasn't the only one out there walking. It was hot. What a beautiful day though. So, another Daily Audio Bible long walk in the books. We’ve done 11 of those, 11 years if I’m counting right. So, it's a great little tradition that we have in the center of the year to reset. And, so, now that we are all reset and looking toward the back half of the year, starting this brand-new week, we can live into this continue this dialogue, this conversational intimacy that we are allowed to have with God, and the intimacy of hearing His responses, seeing his leadership in our lives, feeling the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This is all ours. We are children of the most high. So, it's always available and we realize how much we ignore it once we've given ourselves over to it in something like the long walk, once we’ve experienced it. So, let's walk into this second half of the year pursuing intimacy with God in all that we do all that we say.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There’s a link. It’s on the homepage. Thank you, thank you for your partnership as we move through these summer months. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi family. This is Jeanette from Charlotte. I have called in twice before to ask for prayer for my husband Vince. He has been having surgery to relieve and alleviate symptoms for Parkinson’s disease. Well, Vince has completed all three surgeries to put the equipment in place and is doing very well during the healing process. He has had some pain but it has been minimal. And they haven’t actually turned the system on yet but he is experiencing what they call a honeymoon period, which the doctor says happens sometimes just by having the electrodes placed in the brain. So, he has experienced great relief from his symptoms. Praise God. As his body heals and before they turn the system on, some symptoms may return. For instance, he has had trouble sleeping for a few nights and this was a symptom that in the past has really given him a lot of trouble. I know a lot of you know it’s just so awful to be exhausted and not be able to sleep and that is something that he has really struggled with. So, anyway on July 10th the system will be turned on and we will find out how it works for him. So, would you all please pray that the outcome will be so successful that the doctors would just be amazed and that it would be just a far-reaching success that lasts for a long. This experience has been a real prayer odyssey for Vince and me. We want to thank all of you so very much for your prayers. We believe in the power of prayer and we have felt covered by your prayers even though we’ve had a lot of ups and downs this past month. I want to give special thanks to Janelle Holliday, Victoria Soldier, Karen in St. Louis, Kim from Eastern Kentucky, Diane from Indiana, and all of you who have been praying with us and for us. Know that we are praying for you too every day as you call in your prayer requests. Brian and Jill, thanks for making these connections possible. We love you all.

Good morning DAB, oh, well, it’s morning here. Anyway, this is Emily from the Houston area and I���ve be meaning to call for a couple of weeks. I was just thinking, who it is that the DAB format precludes all racism and how neat it is that people call from all over. We don’t know what color they are or ethnic background, but maybe the Brits and the Australians, but even then we don’t know what they look like and that we’re all one family. And isn’t that amazing. And I thought well that’s kind of a dumb reason to call. And then right after I thought that the woman called to pray for Keisha and said that she had also experienced racism in the workplace. And it really broke my heart because that’s not what we are about. And, you know, as we’re listening to Acts and Brian’s been talking about how one of the greatest miracles of the church is the inclusion of all of us, different nations, through faith in Jesus Christ, it just made me think even more, how wonderful it is that we are a family. And, so, my prayer for all of us is that today, that the DAB family would show people that the love…what reconciliation truly is, that is family through Jesus Christ, the risen Lord, the Middle Eastern Jewish guy. And, so, I bless you and I pray for you sister and I pray for all of us, anyone who has experienced discrimination, that you experience family through Jesus Christ. Amen.

Family, it’s redeemed in him from Virginia and I wanted to reach out to Jim from Tennessee, whose prayer request was heard on July 2nd. And Jim, I just wanted you to know that we are grieving with you and your family over the loss of your son, Tanner. And we pray that you’ll keep calling so that we can get to know you. Family, please join me in praying for Jim and his family in remembrance of Tanner. Dear God, in Jesus’ name we pray that You will surround Jim and his family and friends with Your love and precious memories of Tanner. And we know that You bottle up every tear that falls. Thank You God that we will be reunited with our loved ones, but until then we will keep Tanner and our other loved ones close to our hearts knowing that You are in complete control. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hi family. This is Mary from the UK. Family, I’d like you to pray for a colleague of mine. About two weeks ago she found out that her 25-year-old son had a tumor, a cancer in his shoulder. He came back to the UK for tests and very sadly they found that it spread and he is going to die within the next few weeks to months. This lady only has two sons and yesterday her other son was killed while climbing in our lake district. Family, it’s impossible to understand how this happened but please uphold her and her husband and her living child, however long he’s got, in prayer. Thank you family. God will be with him throughout. It’s really hard to understand why such difficult, difficult things happen. Bless you and thank you.

[moviesihaveseenbeforeiamdea-blog]

#768 Hannah and Her Sisters

Released: March 14, 1986

Director: Woody Allen

Written by: Woody Allen

Starring: Michael Caine, Mia Farrow, Barbara Hershey, Woody Allen

Had I Seen it Before? No

Cameo appearances: John Turturro, Richard Jenkins, Daniel Stern, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Lewis Black (and Max von Sydow and Carrie Fisher in small supporting roles)

It is impossible to consider Woody Allen now without at least keeping in mind the allegations of child molestation Mia Farrow has lodged against him over the last twenty-odd years. I have no definitive evidence one way or another who’s telling the truth and who’s bullshitting, but I find it incredibly difficult to believe that Mia, Dylan, and Ronan Farrow would all make this up for decades for no tangible end if not seeking some form of justice. And my sympathies always lie with the accuser in cases of sexual abuse, something I don’t believe requires the prerequisite of immediate and total conviction of the accused. 

So, while Allen is entitled to the full process of the criminal justice system, I’m allowed my suspicions and feelings in what’s become an unprosecutable case. At the very least, his marrying of Soon-Yi Previn is uncomfortable. 

I also don’t believe that these feelings I have for Woody Allen’s crimes and misconduct preclude me from the ability to enjoy his films, although uneasily and never without the always-conscious thought that there is an incredible darkness to the life behind the camera. If someone wanted to accuse me of trying to have my cake and eat it too here, well, in a way they’re right. For someone who’s more vitriolic and certain in their position, I have no way to fault them. 

With that stated, here’s what I felt about the movie itself. 

I think part of what killed The Searchers for me was that I watched it starting about 10 p.m. the night after getting a half-sleeve tattoo that took a couple hours to get through (and it’s still not done, I’ve one more session three weeks from now). I was exhausted, in pain, and watching the movie more as a commitment than anything. If it’d been more riveting I probably would have been able to get past my own personal grumpiness and bear with it, but it wasn’t, so I couldn’t. 

Dianne Wiest as Holly

Hannah and Her Sisters was different for me. I’m also in the middle of trying to get someone to take over my current apartment lease while at the same time signing for somewhere new, all in the space of a couple weeks. I’m constantly having to schedule viewings for my place while attending viewings for other places, navigate the process of trying to communicate with dozens of prospective tenants and landlords, and keep all the paperwork and details straight, all while working a full-time job. Sometimes it’s hard to find time to fit in a movie, but I manage most days. 

I watched this one in the last two hours of work after my boss left early. I sat on my laptop in my tiny, gray office with my headphones on, rocking back and forth in my office chair enjoying the sometimes-aimless series of vignettes that make up the movie. And though the pace of the movie is somewhere between distracted and uncommitted, I had a great time watching it as I waited out the time for the work day so I could scamper over from one corner of town to the next for more viewings. And in this way, Hannah and Her Sisters operates perfectly as a movie that never demands too much of its viewer. The movie is a very funny, sometimes sentimental look at people trying to balance their commitments against their more romantic ideas of life. 

And in a way, this movie is all about people trying to make the most of the situations they put themselves in once the magic that brought them into it in the first place is gone. Elliot and Hannah, Elliot and Lee, Hannah and Frederick, Mickey and Hannah, Holly and her fleeting careers, Mickey and his career--all of these are encounters where one character realizes in a moment that whatever it was that they felt is somehow gone, exiting as intangibly as it entered, and they’re left realizing that they never felt at all like they thought. What they’re left with then is the anxiety of wondering if they’ve made the decision, of wondering if they’re building to any grand climax or if they’re simply bouncing around from one idea to the next without any real plan. 

This comes out painfully in the Mia Farrow’s Hannah, the most underappreciated character in the film, which is strange considering that she’s featured in the title. Allen claimed that Hannah is only a slightly-fictionalized version of Farrow at that time in her life. Hannah is stable, reliable, open-hearted, and seemingly indestructible, but it’s that resilience and strength that causes everyone to disregard her vulnerabilities, her needs, and put her on this untouchable pedestal of an ideal rather than interact with her as a complicated human. Holly borrows endless amounts of money from her and then insults her from a place of her own insecurities, Elliot sleeps with her sister on the belief that Hannah’s nurturing has become too predictable and stale, Lee sleeps with Elliot because she assumes Hannah’s marriage is over and it won’t be an issue and Mickey and Hannah divorce because Mickey can’t get over his own insecurities and limitations of infertility without ever really considering its impact on Hannah. 

Woody Allen as Mickey, looking for tragedy

Allen’s screenplay for Hannah is good. Characters ramble, bicker, melt down and generally act out any number of anxieties that Allen can pack into one character and have it be comical while still being relatable. Everyone’s performance in the main cast is top-notch and focused, which is instrumental from keeping these lines from feeling like Allen talking to himself through sock puppets. And Allen himself handles his own role of Mickey amicably, giving himself the most outlandish neuroses, which he is able to carry because, well, they’re his real neuroses. And his big monologue, though maybe a little too direct for some, is delivered perfectly:

My feet hurt, my head was pounding, and I had to sit down I went into a movie house. I didn't know what was playing or anything I just needed a moment to gather my thoughts and be logical and put the world back into rational perspective. And I went upstairs to the balcony, and I sat down, and the movie was a film that I'd seen many times in my life since I was a kid, and I always loved it. I'm watching these people up on the screen and I started getting hooked on the film. I started to feel, how can you even think of killing yourself, I mean isn't it so stupid. Look at all the people up there on the screen, they're real funny, and what if the worst is true. What if there is no God and you only go around once and that's it. Well, ya know, don't you wanna be part of the experience? You know, what the hell it's not all a drag. And I'm thinking to myself, Jeez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. And after who knows, I mean maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. And then I started to sit back, and I actually began to enjoy myself.

Watching this movie in the middle of my own personal whirlwind of commitments and worries, I found Hannah and Her Sisters to be charming and relaxing throughout most of its runtime, giving me a reason to think about my own problems and understand that, hey, it probably doesn’t mean anything, but that’s pretty liberating. In the end, it’s the best I can do. 

Final thoughts:

I miss Carrie Fisher.

The bookstore sequence where Elliot buys Lee the e.e. cummings collection is unbearably vulnerable. Woody Allen excels in wringing out intimacy in tortured, neurotic scenarios. It’s hard not to cringe and what’s a very sensitive moment.

Elliot has a habit of making careful, reasoned (though not always reasonable) arguments in his head and then acting out recklessly in the exact opposite way he said he would. 

The Thanksgiving scenes are my favorite in the movie. There is so much atmosphere and warmth in Elliot and Hannah’s apartment. 

I have not seen Duck Soup in a long time. I think I saw it last when I was 14? I didn’t get why it was supposed to be so funny then, but I imagine that now I’d have a better chance of getting it. 

“How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how the can opener works!”

The jokes Mickey makes about child molestation are super uncomfortable now for obvious reasons.