#like if everything is gonna be this hard i have to at least be nice to me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
I’m not sure if you’re taking anymore requests but can you do poly141 who finds a small fairy reader? Mystical reader so little she fits in their hands?
Tiny baby reader… yes. Fair warning i wrote this while sleepy and tired and i completely forgot to add in when reader learns their name 😭 sorry for any more mistakes!
The forest was unusually quiet, blanketed in mist that made every breath feel cool and crisp. It was the kind of morning that seemed unremarkable, easy to forget. They walked carefully along the narrow path, hunting gear packed away in favor of simple jackets and quiet conversation. Retirement had given them, once a formidable task force, the luxury of slow days, but old habits died hard; their senses remained keen, always searching for any change in the air.
And that’s when they saw it- a flicker of light, faint and trembling, deep within a thicket. It could have been a trick of the morning sun, but they hadn’t survived as long as they have by chalking up everything strange, unusual think to happenstance.
“Careful.” John murmured, voice low and commanding. They nodded, pushing through the brush with quiet purpose and carefulness, until the glimmer came into focus.
There, tangled in a web of thin brambles, was something neither war nor time had ever prepared them for- a tiny, shimmering, actually-real fairy, no larger than the palm of a hand. Your wings, gossamer-thin and glowing with iridescent light, fluttered weakly as you tried to free you. You turned your head, eyes wide and filled with a mix of fear and exhaustion, and they all felt their breath catch.
Soap was the first to recover. “Bloody hell,” he whispered, his voice tinged with awe. He took a cautious step forward, hands up as if approaching a skittish animal. He couldn’t believe his eyes, but you are real. You are actually real. “Hey now, it’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt ya.”
The fairy- you -watched him warily, but there was a flicker of hope in your gaze. Gaz crouched next to Johnny, brows furrowed. “We need to get her out of there,” he said, his voice gentle. “Quickly.”
Johnny nodded, already reaching into his pack for a small knife. “Don’t move, all right, wee one? We’ll get you free.” He kept his movements slow, mindful of how fragile you seemed. With careful precision, he began cutting away the brambles, each snip bringing a little more freedom and a little more light. Price and Ghost kept watch over them, cautious still but not really that worried considering your size.
When you were finally free, you collapsed, too weak to stay upright. Gaz caught you, cradling you in his hands as if you were made of glass. “You’re safe now.” he murmured, his eyes soft. He could feel the faint warmth of your glow against his skin, like holding a tiny ember. More proof that you are real, even if it seemed so impossible.
Your wings twitched, and with a shaky breath, you looked up at them. “Thank…you,” you whispered, your voice barely more than a sweet chime in the wind.
“You are talking,” Soap breathed, a childlike wonder lighting up his face. “You talk.” It makes you giggle just a little, if you are honest with yourself. Your wings attempt to flutter behind you, but they are not Quite Right. You shift on your feet, visibly unsure now.
John stepped closer, his gaze warm but measured, and bent down so his face was at the same level as your body. “Easy there. You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?” His thumb, calloused from years of wielding weapons, gently brushed a stray leaf from your hair. He had to be extra careful, extra slow so as to not alarm you, and then holds his hand out for you to step into. “Your wings aren’t moving right, are they? We can help you.”
You shake your head slowly to his first question, looking away from his eyes. You’d never really approached humans before… always too big and scary, but there four were nice, at the very least. You and your unique magic couldn’t sense anything particularly bad from them, so that’s why you hadn’t immediately tried to fly far, far away from them.
You lean into John’s touch, sitting down and holding onto his thumbs for stability. You do know out of all of them, you still haven’t heard the masked one speak, just felt him bore his gaze at you, but you don’t care. “Where… are we going?” You ask instead.
“Near our cottage,” Price said, voice low and soothing. “Not far. We can bring you there, get you warm and fed, and you can let your wings rest there.”
You nodded slowly, exhaustion overcoming you. John held you close while they comtinued walking back. As you rested, your glow dimmed to a soft warmth that seeped into his palms and made them glow, a quiet reminder of your presence. The journey back was filled with silent glances- each man marveling at the fact that something so otherworldly, so impossibly delicate, had chosen to trust them.
When they arrived at the cottage, Soap carefully laid out a small, soft cloth on the table, creating a makeshift bed for you to rest one while Kyle thought you’d enjoy having a different option, so he placed a leafy pot nearby for yoh. Ghost silently set a thimble of water nearby while John stirred a pot on the stove, filling the room with a comforting aroma. You drank slowly, savoring every drop and feeling strength return to your body, to your wings.
“Better?” Ghost asked you at last, voice low, his eyes never leaving you. You nodded, a grateful smile breaking across your face despite the hints of fear caused by his mask. You didn’t see it, but there was a collective untensing of shoulders, worry lessening.
Over the next few hours, you spoke in halting words, telling them of the storm that had torn through the woods and separated you from your kin. They listened with full attention, not interrupting you. Kyle even offered you a finger to lean on when you shivered a little, reminded of the pain while you recounted your tale. But after that, you continue your rest, now the one asking them questions and learning who they are.
By evening, you were still nestled in the soft, makeshift bed near the fire, your wings catching the flickering light. As you drifted into a peaceful sleep, your light grew stronger- very content in your warm spot, and feeling safe and secure from wild animals and the weather outside. Occasionally, you feel different hands and fingers brush across your head, and each time it makes you let out a happy squeak, uncaring for the conversations happening in the background.
You wonder if they’d let you stay with them…
#noona.posts#cod x reader#cod#cod x you#tf 141 x reader#tf 141#tf 141 x you#cod imagines#john price x reader#noona.asks#poly!141 x reader#soap x reader#ghost x reader#kyle gaz x reader#gaz x reader#ghost x you#simon riley x reader#poly 141#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x you#johnny soap mctavish x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#call of duty x reader#noona.writes#kyle gaz garrick x you#simon ghost x you#simon ghost x reader#ghost imagines#simon ghost riley imagines#john price imagine
416 notes
·
View notes
Text
Love in verses (XXVI)
Chapter 26: ‘Well, how else are you to live except by denial’
Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is one of my favourites, just… some adorable stuff!
I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!
****
Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)
Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here
Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?
Word Count: 4227
Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist
Earl
In Sitka, because they are fond of them, People have named the seals. Every seal is named Earl because they are killed one after another by the orca, the killer whale; seal bodies tossed left and right into the air. “At least he didn’t get Earl,” someone says. And sure enough, after a time, that same friendly, bewhiskered face bobs to the surface. It’s Earl again. Well, how else are you to live except by denial, by some palatable fiction, some little song to sing while the inevitable, the black and white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling toward you out of the deep?
Louis Jenkins
The pain in your abdomen was a sensation you were used to, sadly. You recognized the pattern in the intensity, you knew it perfectly after years of suffering once a month. This month seemed to be particularly nasty though, and there was little doubt on to why. Your stress was so high these days, between your new job, your research, your career, and Frank’s bloody wedding… You were drowning, to be fair. Drowning in an ocean of emotions. You bent in front of your sink, waiting for the wave of pain to fade again, closing tightly your eyes, while the microwave beeped with the heating pad now reaching a burning temperature. You placed it on your stomach, not caring about your skin, only about the pain under it.
Damn… that was a bad month…
You stood straighter again, letting out a long and careful exhale, relaxing once more. Your head was spinning a little, but you didn’t dare to eat too much for now, your nausea was too bad and you didn’t want to end up throwing up. You settled for a bit of rice and an apple for lunch.
You were supposed to see Andrew this afternoon, but there was no way you could plan on fucking up Frank’s appointment at the tailor when it was hard to stand… At least, it was the weekend, you didn’t have to deal with work, and could spend your day being a burrito on your couch while watching TV and eating junk food.
You were supposed to shop for groceries in the morning, but you didn’t have the strength for that either, so you decided that you would get some food delivered for the rest of the weekend and would tackle the issue of not dying of starvation on Monday.
You sat down on your couch, at long last, heaving a sigh of relief. You held the heating pad against your stomach, covered yourself with a blanket and grabbed your phone while you turned on the TV.
You pressed on Andrew’s name on whatsapp while the tu-dum noise of Netflix echoed in your living room.
You heaved a sigh…
… you had forgotten tea… never mind, you were too much in pain and too tired to be bothered making some tea now that you were seated.
Back to your phone, you typed your message quickly.
Hi Andy! Sorry, but I’m not feeling well today, gonna have to cancel for this afternoon. We’ll talk about our plans next week. Hope you have a nice weekend, see you on Monday! Xx
You pressed ‘send’ and started browsing in the list of movies available on your TV screen.
Your phone lit up with Andrew’s name.
Sorry to hear that! Are you alright? Do you want me to drop you something?
You were too tired not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in your chest as you read his text.
Nothing to worry about, don’t worry.
His answer was quick to arrive.
Are you sure? You want me to drive you to a doctor or something?
You chuckled at his obvious worry. He really was too sweet…
No, I’m okay. Period being bitches, that’s all. I can handle it.
He answered with a thumbs up right under your text, right when you found Pride and Prejudice was on Netflix…
Well, it looked like your afternoon was all set.
You cursed under your breath. You didn’t have any snacks. Not even chocolate… and your kitchen was so fucking far… a whole ten steps away…
Damn you and your stupid brain.
You were surprised when you received another text from Andy.
So, what’s planned for today? Did you get your groceries this morning?
You snorted at the mere thought.
Nah. Too much in pain. Too tired to go to the kitchen and make myself tea, so imagine going outside with people?! No, thanks.
I’m gonna spend my afternoon with Mr. Darcy instead.
You waited for his answer, ignoring your TV now.
The Keira Kinghtley movie?
You sent him a thumbs up.
Will you hate me if I admit that I’ve never watched that film?
You almost dropped your phone.
YOU’VE NEVER SEEN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!
OH THAT’S IT! DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!
He sent a laughing emoji.
You’ve forgotten the dishonour on me and my cow too…
You couldn’t refrain a laugh, even though it hurt your stomach.
You don’t have a cow. But I’ll take it out on Elwood.
You could picture the grin on his face at the joke.
HOW DARE YOU! HE’S SUCH A GOOD BOY!
Elwood, my son, don’t listen to the nasty lady…
You laughed again, but quickly stopped this time, the pain getting too strong.
You didn’t think as you wrote your next text.
You could drop by and watch it with me.
You reread the text and realised your mistake; your eyes grew round. You were in your old pyjamas, you hadn’t showered and had no intention to do so, your hair was a mess, you hadn’t washed your dishes…
You wanted to delete the text, but the blue symbols under it let you know that he had already read it.
Damn it!
I mean… I’m in pain, grumpy and look like trash…
So… maybe not the most pleasant way to spend your afternoon.
Feel free to refuse.
You waited for his answer, watched the dancing dots, until a text was received.
I’d love to, actually.
Besides, I am not five, I know about menstrual cycles, thank you very much…
You bit on your lips as you hesitated.
You’ve never seen me like that.
A pause. You guessed that he had rephrased his text several times.
Would that make you feel uncomfortable?
You thought about it for a second. Frank didn’t really pay attention to that part of you. It was cliché, but you knew he was making a conscious effort to acknowledge your period and how much of a burden they were to you. You saw it as him making an effort at the time. Now, you were worried Andrew would be the same, with typical disappointing male behaviour…
And yet, you didn’t care. You couldn’t find a way to care. You couldn’t imagine Andrew, out of all people, disappointing you on that. Perhaps it was naïve, you weren’t sure. Your answer was earnest anyway.
No
His answer came in a matter of seconds.
Give me forty minutes to come over then.
You smiled.
An hour then.
You laughed again at his answer.
Gobshite…
You didn’t select the movie for now and merely watched some crappy TV instead, with whatever was on.
You tried not to pay too much thought on how excited you were at the idea of Andy coming soon…
Andrew ended up ringing at your door an hour and fifteen minutes later, proving you right about his time blindness, and the thought made you smile. You had washed your dishes waiting for him, using a fifteen-minutes break from the pain to stretch your legs and attempt to look like a human being. The pain was soon back with full strength though, and you gave up on the idea to change into a proper outfit. You remained in your comfortable pyjamas, tied your hair up to hide the mess it was, and went back to suffering on the couch, the heating pad growing colder and less effective, but you were too tired to get up again.
You groaned as Andrew rang at your door, forcing yourself to stand. You couldn’t hold yourself completely straight, not with the pain in your stomach being now combined with a sharp stinging sensation in your lower back. You opened the door still, and welcomed Andrew with a genuine smile.
He was wearing his hair in a bun today, his glasses perched on his nose, and a warm smile on his lips as his gaze rested upon you. He looked gorgeous in a simple brown jacket, dark jeans and a black turtleneck. You couldn’t refrain the way your heart fluttered at the sight, nor the butterflies that were added to your painful stomach.
“Hey! God, you do look like shite,” he exclaimed, but there was worry in his frown despite the obvious teasing in his voice.
“Thanks for the compliment,” you stuck your tongue out, and he couldn’t refrain a chuckle.
He walked inside, took off his shoes and jacket, and it’s only when he set the bags on the floor to do so that you noticed them.
“What’s that?” you asked.
“Groceries.”
You looked up at him with a puzzled look.
“Jeez… if you were busy this afternoon, you should have declined!”
He laughed, and you were more puzzled than ever.
“These are for you,” he clarified, picking up the bags again.
You blinked up at him.
“For… me?”
“Yeah… you said you didn’t get any groceries this morning. Can’t let you starve! Come on, get a move on, these need to go in the fridge.”
You let him pass, followed him in your kitchen. He started to empty the two paper bags on your kitchen counter.
“I didn’t get you much, just enough to last for a couple of days. Pass the weekend. Nothing that needs fancy cooking either, don’t worry. Mostly pasta, rice, and a few vegetables and fruits. I also got some take out for tonight, so you don’t have to bother with cooking today. Chinese, hope you’re in the mood for that. And then, the obvious ice cream, crisps and chocolate combo. Oh, and I bought you this tea! My mom recommended it once for menstrual cramps to one of my cousins, and it’s apparently pretty nice, so… thought you could use that too.”
He looked up at you then, after his little babbling. He frowned at your expression though, and you noticed the shift in his demeanour: the way he shrank, bending over himself instead of standing straight, with his full height. Trying to look smaller than he was, to occupy as little space as possible. He rubbed nervously at his collarbone.
“I… I thought it would make things easier for you. I… I’m sorry if I’m overstepping… if you… sorry. Sorry…”
But he was interrupted by your arms around him; you almost tackled him with the strength, and you heard the loud huff he let out at the impact. It took him a couple of seconds to close his arms around you too, but then it felt like he was unwilling to ever let go.
“Thank you so much,” you mumbled into his chest. “That’s… so fucking sweet, Andy.”
“That’s nothing,” he tried to brush your thankfulness away, but you could hear in his voice that he was smiling again, feel that his body was relaxing once more. “I didn’t mean to overstep… I just… I just thought it would make it easier for you.”
You spotted your favourite chocolate on the table, along with some ice-cream.
“These are my favourite,” you whispered.
“I know.”
“You didn’t have to do that…”
“It’s nothing.”
You didn’t say it. You didn’t say that Frank had never done that for you. And Andrew did? When he wasn’t your boyfriend? When he didn’t even have feelings for you?
“Do you need anything else?” he asked, rubbing your back, and the caress was so soothing you were ready to cry. “Painkillers or something? I can go to the pharmacy…”
“I’ve got that covered, don’t worry. Thank you.”
“Right…”
Another cramp came breaking your embrace, you let out a groan as you held your painful stomach. You tried not to think of how your heart stumbled and missed a few beats when Andrew brushed a messy strand of your hair behind your ear.
“You really don’t look well. You should sit down.”
“I need to reheat my heating pad…”
“I’ll do it. I’ll do that, love. Sit down, okay?”
‘Love’… he had called you ‘love’… You wanted to cry…
Why were you so affected by it? It was Andy. It was Andy, not Frank, and you wanted Frank, you wanted Frank, you wanted…
He walked into the living room about 10 minutes later, carrying your heating pad under his arm, ice cream and some chocolate. He had to go back to the kitchen to fetch your two cups of tea.
“Alright… need anything else?”
You shook your head, and he settled on the sofa next to you. Readjusted the blanket so it would cover your feet. You didn’t recognise the flavour of the tea, you reckoned he had made a cup of the one his mother had recommended.
You refused to name the feeling that was spreading across your entire body, the unbearable fondness aimed at Andrew that came with it.
I want Frank, I want Frank, I want Frank…
“Alright, let’s watch Mr. Darcy getting rejected…” he grinned at you, as if he was at his happiest, as if he couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend his afternoon than to watch Pride and Prejudice with you while nursing you back to health because you were on your period…
You scoffed, trying to hide the tears in your eyes by looking for the movie on Netflix again.
“He doesn’t just get rejected. They do get together at the end, you know?”
“Thanks for spoiling it all to me…”
“Wait… you told me you read the book…”
He laughed.
“I did! I was joking, like… It was a joke. I did read it. I simply haven’t watched any adaptation.”
“Wow… Oh… so you haven’t seen the one with Colin Firth either?! The BBC series?”
“Nope…” he answered, popping the ‘p’ before taking a sip of his tea.
Two teabags. As always. The detail made you smile.
“Okay, that is going to be our next activity together.”
He laughed, but didn’t contradict you, on the contrary.
“Well, I guess my next Sunday is all booked…”
“Indeed, it is!” you grinned, but your tone was too soft not to show how emotional the thought of spending another afternoon like this with Andrew made you feel.
He didn’t comment on that, though, and you were grateful for it.
He reached for your coffee table, where he had put the two sets of ice-cream and spoons, and handed you one.
Your heating pad was back on your stomach, warm and effectively soothing your cramps. You seized the opportunity to eat a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream.
You moaned at the taste.
“Andy… this is perfect, I hope you’re aware of how amazing you are.”
He chuckled, but there was something a little sad in his eyes when he looked down at his food, a tinge of melancholy. You didn’t know why.
“Bribing you with chocolate is the way to your heart, then,” he joked, clearly stirring the conversation away from himself, while pushing his glasses higher on his nose.
“Of course,” you rolled your eyes, starting the film.
You exchanged another smile, while the movie started. You didn’t realise your own movements as you scooted closer to him on the couch, and neither did he notice how he leaned towards you, until your arms were softly touching.
“You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love… I love… I love you…”
You heaved a sigh after whispering the words in sync with Mr. Darcy, clutching at your heart, burying your face further in Andrew’s shoulder.
You weren’t sure when you had ended up in Andrew’s arms, but you were now. He had wrapped an arm around your shoulders at one point, noticing how livid you had become because of the pain, how you had tried to withhold your wince but failed. And it was meant as a temporary anchor, a soothing gesture that should have lasted just a few minutes, until the pain subsided again. But when you relaxed once more, he didn’t pull away, and instead of freeing yourself from his hold, you leaned closer, sank deeper into his embrace. And now, he was resting his long fingers on your waist, while you leaned into his chest.
Which was… better not think about boundaries and friendship and professional behaviour and all those limits you were breaking.
Meanwhile, Andrew was brushing a tear away, but you spotted it before he could pretend it hadn’t happened.
“I know… I know…” you patted his chest, trying not to notice that you were touching his chest. “I cry every time too.”
“For proof,” he chuckled, brushing your tear away with his thumb, making your heart stutter and expand to the point that you wondered how it hadn’t broken any of your ribs yet.
“It’s Jane Austen’s superpower, Andy… we can do nothing against it,” you concluded before nuzzling into his chest again.
“I’ll have to agree,” he nodded.
You noticed how his breathing was a little irregular for a moment, when you shifted to be a little more comfortable in his arms, but he didn’t push you away, didn’t move at all, in fact. Instead, he waited for you to settle again, readjusted the blanket on both of you, and stared at the end of the movie. His cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. You hated the thought that crossed your mind…
There were but a couple of minutes left, it was the end: Mr. Darcy had walked across the moor already, he had declared his love and Elizabeth had accepted his hand in marriage. They were waiting for Elizabeth’s father. You were staring at Andrew, the feeling of your gaze on him made him look down as well, catching your eyes with his. His hazel eyes, they looked so green now, in the rather bright light of the late afternoon, and the tears he had dried just before had enhanced that colour too. Green… like leaves bathed in sunlight during the summer… you loved that shade…
You didn’t even notice when the screen went dark, when the credits started rolling. You were thinking of Andrew, of how sweet he had been all afternoon, of how handsome he looked now, how much turtlenecks suited him, how cute he looked with his glasses…
He blinked a couple of times, as if he were coming back from a reverie, and looked at the TV again. You looked at his profile, found yourself longing to run your fingers through his short beard, noticed the red tainting the brown of his hair.
“Well, that was an amazing film,” he easily admitted, bringing you back to earth.
And indeed, the story was over. Mr. Bennett had accepted their union. Elizabeth would marry Mr. Darcy. All ended well. Black screen and a list of names, printed in white pixels…
You pushed yourself out of Andrew’s arms.
Back to reality now… and in the real world, you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank. You wanted Frank…
You looked away in a hurry, and trembled at the loss of contact, when Andrew finally moved his hand away from your waist.
You kept on talking about the film for a while, but eventually, Andrew checked the time.
“I should get going, let you get something to eat. And I mean… something proper. Not snacks,” he teased, standing up and taking the remnants of your various snacks with him to the kitchen.
And you had to tell yourself that mantra again. Because your heart was aching at the thought of Andrew leaving. Which was ridiculous because you would see him in two days. Which was ridiculous because he was only a friend. A colleague, even. And it was ridiculous because you didn’t want him, you wanted Frank. You loved Frank. You wanted the life you had with him back. You… you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank… You… You wanted…
“Andy?”
He reappeared, coming from the kitchen, and tilted his head a little as a silent invitation for you to speak again.
“Do… do you want to stay for dinner?”
He stared at you for a few seconds, long enough for you to start spiralling and babbling…
“Unless you need to take care of Elwood…”
“No, my parents took him to the seaside today, they’re keeping him for the night. He’s living his best life, trust me. I bet my dad is giving him all the treats he wants.”
“Or like… I mean… you’ve already spent your afternoon with me, even if I’m sick and not the best company today, and… yeah, I totally get it if you don’t want to stay, like… that’s…”
“Y/N.”
“Hmmm?”
“I’d love to stay.”
“Really?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
Because I’m too much to take care of…
You merely shrugged in response, making him chuckle, clearly unaware of your thoughts.
“Well, if you’re not bored of me yet, I’d love to stay for dinner.”
You grinned.
“Grand…” you nodded, and Andrew disappeared in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.
Still, you noticed how he was smiling when he turned around, how he was blushing, too…
You ended up watching tv again after dinner. The pain wasn’t as vivid as it had been during the rest of the day, and so you were more comfortable during that part of the evening. So much so that you started dozing off, as you were watching for the nth time how Luke and Han were trying to save Leia.
You had stumbled upon a rerun of the old Star Wars movies, and settled on the nostalgic feeling of these stories to end the day. Andrew was supposed to go home after the end of the movie, once the Death Star was gone and Leia was placing medals on the heroes’ chest.
Andrew had made you laugh with his best impression of Chewbacca, and you had made him choke on his glass of water with one of your jokes and snarky remarks. It was lovely, but you were so tired you neared exhaustion by now. So, it was quite logical that you started dozing off after a while, losing tracks of the story when Han and Luke were dressed as stormtroopers.
You hadn’t noticed that your head had fallen on Andrew’s shoulder as you were falling asleep. You didn’t notice how he stopped paying attention to the movie when you did. How his heart started pounding at how adorable you looked like this. He waited for a few minutes, to see if you would stir and wake up again, but you didn’t. He stared at you for a moment longer, but you weren’t aware of it. You weren’t aware either of the longing in his gaze, of the smile on his lips as he watched how peaceful you looked in your sleep.
You blinked your eyes open again only when you felt something slipping under your knees and behind your back, felt the warmth upon which your head rested move.
“Andy?” you called in your drowsy state, still unable to understand what was happening, where you were…
“I’m here, love.”
That pet name again… were you dreaming it?
You reached up, held onto a soft fabric, and somehow, despite the fact that you had closed your eyes once more, you knew it was Andrew’s turtleneck.
“You’re falling asleep, you need to go to bed,” he said softly, his voice unbearably low and deep, it made your heart skip a few beats and warmth spread across your entire frame.
And it sounded so reassuring… so safe… He was so reassuring…
You nuzzled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His cologne, his softener, him…
“Can I help you reach your bed? Can I do that? Is that okay?” he asked in the same caring voice, and you nodded. But then again, you would have accepted anything, for as long as you could remain in his warmth, as long as his voice came back…
You realised then that he was slipping his arms under you, it took a moment longer for your brain to register he meant to carry you.
“I can walk,” you whispered, opening your eyes again and forcing yourself to look at him.
You were too stunned when he bent down to kiss your hair to argue when he told you there was no need, that he got you, that you could close your eyes again. You obeyed, having no strength left to argue, and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he stood up and lifted you off the couch.
He readjusted your position, and then you were vaguely aware of moving, while he walked through your apartment. You nuzzled closer, your forehead brushing his jaw and your entire body trembled as you felt his beard against your skin.
Too soon, he was gently putting you down on your comfortable mattress, tucking you in, under your warm blanket.
You blinked your eyes open before he could leave, found his hazel eyes looking down at you. He seemed so tall like this, standing above your bed.
“Thank you, Andy. For everything.”
He smiled, gesture gentle and full of fondness.
“Sleep well, Y/N. Goodnight.”
He tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, and the brush of his fingers across your cheek made you close your eyes for good.
Your last thoughts were of him, while you heard him move away from the bed, recognized the creaking of the tiles by the door of your bedroom.
God, you wanted him so much…
#hozier#andrew hozier byrne#the hoziest#hozier x reader#hozier x you#hozier x y/n#hozier x fem!reader#hozier fanfiction#hozier fic#hozier series#hozier au#hozier professor au#professor au#series#fanfiction#fanfic#writing
103 notes
·
View notes
Text
Art Styles I Personally Think the Hetalia Characters Looked Their Best In (and Why) Part 2
Link to Part 1, Link to Part 3
Please note that I am referring to the show and not the webcomic. This is primarily because I didn't always have access to the webcomic and thus the show is what I've always been most familiar with. I will also refrain from talking about characters that have only appeared in one season.
Also, please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. And if you have any different ideas of what designs looked better, that's totally okay. At the end of the day, I'm just here to have fun.
America: Seasons 1-4
It was kind of hard to choose which design was best for America, seeing as they are all very similar to one another while also having different qualities that I liked. But I ultimately settled on the one from the first four seasons. I adore the WWII bomber jacket, as well as how the character in general was animated back then. Not to mention that the older art style just fits him so well. A lot of Americans have an "if it ain't broke don't fix it" attitude about things, so I find it fitting that, at least in my opinion, this also works for aph America. He looks great everywhere else, but I won't deny I have a nostalgia for the original. This was an exceptionally close tie with his design for season 5. Not to mention I once drew aph America fanart for an art project in middle school and got an A on it.
England: Season 5
Okay, I'm gonna be real here. This all came down to the eyebrows. Well, not entirely, but it definitely played a large part. I never had a problem with England's design in seasons 1-4, but those eyebrows though. They were so distracting. I understand wanting to give characters a prominent feature that makes you go, "Yep this is (insert character here)." But I think England's eyebrows were too overdone in the previous seasons. However, I also believe they were far too thin and lightened up in seasons 6-7. Season 5 had a good balance. Not too thick but not too thin. Also, I feel like his facial structure and design made him look kinda weird in season 7.
China: Season 5
So... I'm gonna be honest here. All of the other designs for China make him look like a young girl to me. Yes, he still looks sorta feminine in season 5, but not like he appears in seasons 1-4 and 6-7. In season 5 he actually looks more like an adult man to me. Not to mention his hair. Because holy crap that is some of the most beautiful hair I have ever seen put to animation
Russia: Season 6
This was a close tie between all his designs, but it ultimately came down the hair. Yes, I know, I talk about the characters hair a lot. But that really was the deciding factor for Russia. All his designs look great in that the long coat and vertical lines throughout give me the impression of a Russian nesting doll. Now, whether that was intentional on Hima's part or not, I cannot say. But it's a cool detail that I always notice whenever I see him. When it comes to his season 6 design, I like not only how innocent he looks (which is an important part of the design Hima intended from the beginning), but that his hair has some more fun detail too it. It looks so soft and fluffy, not like the previous designs that made it look like he had water dumped on his head.
France: Season 5
What can I say about this design that hasn't been said already? The only other character who had a bigger glow-up than France was Spain (who you can see my opinions on in a previous post). Literally everything here is an upgrade from his design through seasons 1-4. His hair looks so silky and soft, not like that yellow plastic we had earlier. Also, the hair ribbon tying it back looks so elegant and refined, fitting perfectly with the character. I also love the small detail of the ribbon being the same color of his eyes. It's a nice touch. His outfits this season are great as well. They are very simple, but still elegant, with soft, curved lines and balancing both warm and cool colors. Especially in his outfit during the Joan of Arc episode.
Canada: Season 5
I think I'm starting to have a favorite season in terms of character designs here. Canada just looks his cutest here, primarily because of his outfits. He has one of the most adorable and cozy wardrobes this season, and I want to raid this man's entire closet. I love the flannels and cozy jackets and hoodies that he has. As someone who grew up most of her life in northwest Montana (which, if you ask the rest of the US, is basically just lower Canada), I think I have to be a little biased here. Canada's design gives me the feeling of home in a way, and this is definitely a wardrobe that I embrace for a time growing up.
Austria: Seasons 1-4
The hair curl in his cowlick hits harder here, just getting that out of the way. There's more of a curl to it, which is more reflective of Himaruya's art style. And even though his wardrobe in the latter seasons is great, this one all around looks better to me. I like the royal blue lined with the deep red. And the cravat is just a fabulous detail that I love. Now that I think about it, everything about this design just feels very Himaruya. Like, this is one of his best character designs. There's also the placement of the mole on the bottom right-hand side of his face. In other designs, it's not as prominent. But here it's easier to see. I feel like it makes the design all the more unique.
Hungary: Seasons 1-4
THIS. This design for aph Hungary is top tier, and nobody can convince me otherwise. Something that has always intrigued me about Hungary is that she was raised primarily around men. So much so to the point where she saw herself as one growing up. But when she got older and realized she was actually a woman, she ended up adopting more feminine clothing and characteristics. Aph Hungary is a female character who balances both feminine and masculine traits. And her design from seasons 1-4 emulate this balance perfectly. Her long hair is a pale brown color, and her eyes a dark green. Unlike later seasons where she's given long, shiny, elegant hair and sparkling eyes. She's often found wearing either military uniforms or pretty dresses. We even see the evolution of her fashion from child to adult, where she goes from wearing her hair shorter to wearing it longer and with a flower. Her design encapsulates the idea that, yes, she is a woman. Yes, she is feminine. But at the same time, this is someone who has seen war and battle. (I might have to do a separate post about Hungary, because her design and character are honestly fascinating).
#hetalia#aph#hws#hetalia fandom#aph fandom#hetalia world stars#hetalia axis powers#hetalia world series#hetalia the beautiful world#hetalia the world twinkle#aph america#hws america#aph england#hws england#aph china#hws china#aph russia#hws russia#aph france#hws france#aph canada#hws canada#aph austria#hws austria#aph hungary#hws hungary
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
149 notes
·
View notes
Text
Salamander Salazar is an acrobatic high flyer "evil mastermind thief guy" and Bandit Bandit is his henchman/bodyguard/muscle. They were mischievous heels that would always be causing trouble, but just like any quality comical villain bad guy, Salazar's hubris would usually get him in over his head and be his downfall.
Here's them doing a tag team move™:
Anyway these are all several years before the events of the story. Salazar is Taggart's tag partner that had to leave midway through the tournament! He's also his childhood friend/mentor too.
under the cut is more lore/backstory stuff:
Salamander Salazar is the older neighborhood kid that got Taggart into wrestling when Taggart was just a lil kid. Salazar taught him how to (pro) wrestle over the years and after Taggart turned 18, Sal mysteriously started having a new sidekick/henchman he'd do tag team matches with.
Winning the TAGCEN tournament gets you qualified for the "big prestigious semi-invitational continental tag team tournament" where all the best tag teams compete to see who is The Absolute Best. Salazar's biggest claim to fame was the one time he stole the TAGCEN tournament first place medals from the true champions* and used them to enter into the invitational. The resulting shenanigans were fun enough that it led to the rules being changed to make the TAGCEN qualification entirely based on physically possessing those winning medals lol. (TAGCEN is partially ran by someone who loves chaos, after all.)
It made things pretty wild and chaotic for a few years after, but people stopped taking advantage of this over the years and nowadays its a mostly forgotten edge-case type rule. Also btw Sal (and Bandit²) got their asses absolutely trounced in the invitational tournament. If they couldn't win a qualifier, of course they wouldn't be able to survive in the big leagues!!
Bandit Bandit's tenure only lasted 3 short years for whatever reason (concidentally, this was around the same time regular good guy solo wrestler Taggart left wrestling to help out at his parents' bakery, hmm) and Salazar forged onwards on his own. Over the years his mischievous ambitions have mellowed out and he became one of those sarcastic good guy antihero types.
In modern times, Salazar reentered the TAGCEN tournament with a better tag team partner: Taggart, his childhood friend/protege that had recently returned to wrestling. His goal was to win the TAGCEN tourney outright and then go on to win the big invitational, redeeming himself for that failed run several years prior. They were absolutely killing it, but then Salazar got a really good offer from a major overseas promotion he couldn't turn down, and had to leave midway through the TAGCEN tournament. Alas! Salazar's tag team story is left unrealized!
Taggart still gets to wrestle in the remaining round robin matches at least. But, cmon, it's not like anything interesting is going to happen with that, right...? hee hee 🙂
* the winning tag team ended up with a injury right before the invitational and could not compete, and this was way more fun of an alternative than just having an empty slot!
#TAGCEN#its p. obvious to anyone with brains and eyes that that bandit's taggart but hes very coy about it and has never explicitly admitted it.#plus taggart's such a nice pleasant innocent guy. what r u gonna do... NOT respect his silly little kayfabe??? like some sort of... hater!?#speaking of kayfabe. back in october i made a post talking about how i hadnt figured out if i wanted the concept of kayfabe to exist in thi#well i figured it out and made a decision. my decision is that plausible deniability is awesome so it should be as ambiguous as possible#cuz i was thinking about taggart's character and he extremely takes advantage of plausible deniability. its a very specific thing w/ him#but its kind of hard to depict that without giving away the game? i think??#but having the whole story/narrative/everything kind of couched in ambiguity allows me to draw a parallel between that#and taggart's whole deal. at least thats the idea#hes my special little guy and its SO importants to get across that he is unhinged in a very specific and unassuming way despite being cute
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
lmaoooo found out today that my 2 “colleagues” (that’s honestly a too nice of a word for them) complained about me to our boss that apparently i don’t work hard enough and often just sit around doing nothing :)
#can you believe these backstabbing bitches??????#i am absolutely livid#like the audacity these bitches have who the fuck do they think you are???#and now my boss wants me to be more forthcoming towards them like bitch wtf??? why should i be nicer to them or help them knowing that they#talk so poorly about me behind my back????#they’re so full of themselves and act so childish#like they could’ve just come up to me and talked to me about it like adults but nooo they run to the boss lmaoo#no wonder the boss doesn’t care about keeping me if he’s told what a bad worker i apparently am#and i only found out what they said about me from our lead pharmacist at least she was nice enough to tell me the truth#and now i’m crying again goooodddd fuck this job fuck these bitches i don’t deserve this!!!!#like i try so hard and put in so much effort but they really have the audacity to claim i just sit around#well i wonder what they’re gonna do once i quit since they always complain that they already do everything it shouldn’t a problem for them#right?? :)#like this is honestly so crazy to me bc so many people have already quit recently bc the working hours are absolutely horrible and now these#2 are making everything even worse like i already didn’t like going to work there but now i absolutely loathe it#to work with people and act nice with them knowing they they’re spewing such bs about me#and one of them was so nice to me today like how fake can you be?????#at least have the decency so say those things to my face and not talk behind my back like a school girl#fucking cowards!!!!! i really cannot stand them anymore i need to apply for other jobs asap#but i’m so scared that i won’t find anything else#but this job is seriously damaging me both physically and mentally#god please please please let me find a better job where i’m treated with respect please please please#i can’t do this anymore#i hate how much i’ve cried bc of this job and these horrible people already#☁️
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh boy the ever-present feeling of dread is back
#tired of feeling bad all the time#it’s always something if it’s not my health or my finances or my own fucking mind#i gotta at least stop being so mean to myself about everything idk#like if everything is gonna be this hard i have to at least be nice to me#and why is THAT so fucking hard#alright lemme go write in my fucking journal app lol#vent
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
everything sucks so hard rn idk
#mischa isnt eating again all while screaming because shes hungry and pulling every single piece of plastic out of my shelves#all my bags straps and backpacks have saliva stains from her#she will jump into shelves and pull out dvds to lick#and there's no other food i can try#my paycheck lacks 500 euro because i was sick and im still 200 euro in the red after getting my paycheck today#and tomorrow is the tooth surgery and ive been trying to call my dentist because he only applied for 2 of 3 teeth#at my insurance#and these 2 will be over 1k already after my insurance will pay their part#at least the sedation isnt as strong as i thought so i can go home by myself and dont have to rely on any unreliable people#after my mom accused me of making mischa have diarrhea on purpose because the food company changed the recipe and i gave her 1 bag#she hasnt talked to me and im definitely not going to be the one to start a conversation with her because im usually better off without her#so its nice that i dont have to ask her for her assistance tomorrow#just gonna do everything alone like usual#also work is so UUUGGGHHHHH and sucks so hard all my coworkers ignore what i say and just go to other people behind my back to do my job#im stress eating so much all my favorite clothes dont fit anymore and i hate looking in the mirror#i wanna go swimming but i just dont have the energy i just wanna curl up and dont have a body#also i have a comic idea written down for several months now and i wanna finish it for mothers day but i feel so discouraged#wehh#im also so stressed i clawed so much at my face its full of bloody spots i look so bad#every morning my neighbors i dont even share a wall with turn on their super broken washingmachine at 7 am#and it sounds so broken and its so loud it sounds like someone is drilling a hole into the wall for 40 -120 ?>#mins#i haven't been able to sleep properly for like a month#when i go into work everyone is just like oof you dont look good#thanks i know
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mom is finally being nice about binary trans people which is cool. Except she is now infuriated by the concept of nonbinary people and genderfluid people. It just kind of. Shifted. To the thing I am. And I should probably process that but instead I've been blogging woot
#a couple of her students are out as nb in catholic school (braver than any us marine those two) and she's nice to them#but mad at the world about it privately??? idk part of it is definitely These Kids Remind Me Of My Kid Who Is GIrl So They Must Also Be#but i'm only girl part time. now is not the time to get into it is the thing it's not gonna help anything.#she went on a whole screed about how the internet is convicning kids that they are things that they're not and it's a plot etc#at least she's not fully on the jk rowling hate train. but. it hurts in a different way when it is about me and i am stuck in the car#avery speaketh#i have just been trying so fucking hard to convince myself that there's room for me in the world and like i can't just burn my savings whil#i continue to look for job but i am putting myself through absolute fucking hell for the sake of staying afloat. which is job. i get that#but it's coming with more personal hells than justa normal job#idk i haven't slept i'm so so drained and everything feels so so so personall and like.i am trying so so hard to remind myself that there i#room for me in theworld i just need ot make things worka nd do the workand find it but it is so hard. i'm gonna fucking do it!#i will! but it is HARD#transphobia tw
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#personal#its ridiculous how i was so depressed 2 days ago and then my partner was like. whay if i came over right now even though#its almost midnight. and what if i slept over at your house for 3 nights in a row. and now im sitting here having eaten breakfast for the#first time in like 4 weeks and feeling happy waiting for him to wake up so we can shower together and were#gonna go on a build-a-bear date and i no longer feel like i deserve to d*e with him here#hes just so sweet and i love him a lot and im really lucky to have him in my life <3 ive never been in a relationship where i felt this#safe and comfortable and accepted before and i know he hasnt either and its just nice#definitely helps that were both trans autistic queers with parental trauma so theres a lit about each other that we understand without#needing to explain it in depth#but also he really values communication and even thiigh im so used to shutting all my feelings off and not telling people about them#im trying really hard to not do that with him and its? nice not bottling everything up for once?#he really listens to me when i talk and tries to understand and respect my boundaries all the time and its realy nice to have that#ive been awful at establishing boundaries in past relationships and i didnt feel like my boundaries mattered to at least one ex so its#a nice change of pace to have someone go out of their way to make me feel reapected and valued like thay#and thats not even mentioning all the hot gay transgender sex we have because like. both being on t kind of makes that a necessity dhdjdjdj#its just nice having him in my life and feeling loved and cared for and getting to love and care for him back and im so lucky#that everything fell into place for us to date each other because i really dont know what id have done without him this past half a year#this is so long fhdjsjsjsj im just waoting for him to get up and feeling emotional about how much of a good influence he is in my life <333
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have online therapy next week and yet I still feel like I have to bottle up shit around others to keep from off my ass, man isn't mental health great. /s
So yeah anyways I'm gonna really hope I don't relapse until then or am pushed to do so. It's just a week away, feels like eons. >.>'''
#thiiiiiis close to losing it again and it's fucking hard with everything that's gonna be on my shoulders on the 17th#(aka my therapy day)#I'm gonna ask people to not provoke me before and after the therapy can I PLEASE at least have that#even if you don't think this is talking about you it is about you#most people in contact with me haven't done anything so dw it's basically me going ''be nice pls I'm on a thread''#the others I'm not so nice or at least I'm avoiding/muting them#don't degrade my feelings basically plz I've had enough of that being done to me so where my bad need for therapy isn't entirely done by me#I'm a person too and I'm allowed to feel however I want even if the reasonings for it are stupid to others#listen it's either making this post asking some to not make me feel like shit for having negative feelings they don't like me having#or be meaner and instablock people for the sake of my mental health again. I'm choosing the former.. for now#btw if you aren't aware whatsoever of what's going on or what I'm talking about it isn't about you dw and ty I just needed to say something#Em Speaks#idk if I should tag this as a vent post but therapy is coming soon and I need to start laying boundaries for ME now#and I need people to respect them and think about how they're talking to me if they know I'm scared of talking to them#because the sooner those boundaries are respected the easier I can heal and stop being made scared of talking to people#yes I'm vagueposting but I need to for people to know who I'm talking about at this point.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wish i'd reblogged that one video i saw talking about The Tray (tray of food in fridge that you can just snack on like an Executive Dysfunction Charcuterie) bc i actually tried it and like. i am Eating More? i think?? The Tray is much more powerful than i expected
#and it also makes it easier for me to eat food in time without it going bad??#like- most of the time i don't eat certain foods bc brain labels it as 'snack' so that means i am Not Allowed to eat it for meals#because brain is weird like that#and then other times i forget it's there bc i don't look at where it's stored#but the box is like a Zero Effort Meal Box so brain is able to label the box as a Meal instead#because. brain is really damn weird#and since it's all in The Box i can see it there easily and don't forget about it#so i'm eating produce and shit without it going bad immediately and like. actually eating the whole container of things#instead of everything just spoiling and being wasted#anyway i had a Meal today of little bits from the box and it Worked Well and i am happy about that#i had some bits of cheese and summer sausage and carrot matchsticks and peanuts and pretzels and sauerkraut :3#i'm learning how to store food in ways that makes it easier for me to eat too#like the summer sausage- if i just cut the whole thing into little bite-size pieces and put it in a tupperware it's easier for me#and carrots- i like them but they're too hard to bite through so i got those matchstick-sliced kind and those are way better#so i'm actually going to get some real vegetables in my diet for once thank fuck#it's very satisfying and nice to find Ways Around things i struggle with#it's nice that i might not have so much trouble#like it's obviously not going to solve it and i'm still gonna struggle some but it's something that'll help at least
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh
#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr 2.2#hsr spoilers#hsr leaks#the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am#i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before#but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one#so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days#it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me#but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and#gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it#and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story#not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know#but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game#anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :)#and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream#pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we#i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see-#-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out..#the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!)#i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!?#they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing#Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it#and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet#also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow.#that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!!#not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good#Seven.txt#viddy game stuff
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#im gonna vent a lil in the tags here#i have so little hope in life anymore haha idk wtf to do about it and it all fucking sucks#the likelyhood of me working full time ever again looks like zero#at least not traditionally#and i think part time is still far off like i cant stand working for so many reasons#im trying to get my shit together in a way so that my bf can be the sole breadwinner#because he can be at least at the moment because we live so far below our means but thatll change eventually#but im having such a hard time with everything like fr idk what to do#the weather isnt helping the fact my car wont work here soon in the wintet isnt helping the fact im not making money isnt fckin helping#i just lay here like paralyzed and in my own head or trapped on my fuckin phone and screaming internally#im so tired lol and i need to make money and the little i get from my sister for carting her kids around is nice but its gas money at best#i feel so bad about not working and my bf says its okay but i dont fully believe him like ive cried about it to him and everything#it sucks working but it also sucks not working lol straight up dont reccomend#when is capitalism finally collapsing so i can thrive on the barter system#sigh anyways im gonna wake up and be totally productive tomorrow or so help me
0 notes