#like if being armed makes you the individual feel safer fucking. go for it i am not begrudging that

[besnouted]

like we have firearms in our house and a potentially violent neighbor who has already vandalized our property and put our animals in danger. do you know how safe those guns make me feel? not at all. on the other hand, do you know how i feel knowing our neighbor who is physically closer to us is aware of the situation and willing to watch out for us? who i know we could go to in the case of a worst case emergency at any hour of the day??? a lot fucking safer lmao

[madstronaut]

I have updated this comment because I have been ramble-typing in my notes about how it literally arrested me and threw me in angstyhorny jail (bonk) and also I want to add it to my faficorantlist

BE WARNED, ABANDON COMFORT ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE (angst fic lovers, flocketh yonder), lol I told greeny going back to point out my favorite parts was akin to ripping open stitches, and also putting myself back into my unreliable narrator mode this fic had me recalling from when I was screaming on a similar emotional rollercoaster several years ago...

how do you even describe the weird mishmash of experiencing an immediate crush AND heartbreak and then the fucking theater of having to hide/pretend while having the two clashing feelings roil in your stomach like vomit??

"You laugh and slap her arm playfully as you leave the room. You’re an expert at that now" YEP THIS IS HOW humor can be such a mask sometimes

"On the off chance Soap arrived when you were coming out of the shower, he only ever looked at your eyes and quickly got out of your way." the absolute dissonance when the heart and mind war with each other...one pointing out hey this is why they appeal to us but also the other realizing simultaneously this is why we will never appeal to them PARADOX THY NAME IS READER (and 2018 me) 🥹

all the little bits about soaking up crumbs of attention while watching the flatmate feast - and seeing soap act so friendly with reader because they love them through the friend and feel safe with them - shredding my pillow, sheets, all the linens in my apt in angst for reader </3 </3 </3

"You put the chocolate in a drawer because you didn’t want to get used to tastes you couldn’t indulge in."

"He smiles, you smile. He leaves, you remain."

reader going outside to talk directly with price, the convo opening with "It was cold outside, bitterly cold."

"You knew better than to beg, to make compromises, to ask for a chance. Nothing would convince him. Maybe another woman could. But not me. So you turned to humour because it was safer than being vulnerable."

With wet eyes and a wobbly voice that you couldn’t hide, you say “so you think I’m pretty?” 🥹🥹🥹🥹 reader pls let me give u hugs, pep talks, set u up with someone-

He hits you with a look that you’ll never forget.

RAGGGGGHHHH THESE QUOTESSS I NEED A FUCKIN MEDIC

“In another life-“ he quietly began.

You cut him off, agreeing, “in another life.”

me, everytime I see fic title pop its head up in the story 😂😂

also me, consoling myself while consuming angst: there IS another life, and that is the fan-fucking-tastic universe of fanfiction, bless ye, fanfic writers, bless ye

You wish you could be in someone’s inner circle, but instead you were grateful you could float around theirs. once again crying for reader and also who has not felt this before?? picturing my emo highschool self, listening to linkin park while commuting on my sony discman, pre-finding my people in college. if I could i would go back and let madstroteen know it's gonna be okay (I wouldn't actually do so, of course, because rules of time travel duh)

"your flatmate shouted at the top of her lungs “you and the Captain huh?! Practically undressing each other with your eyes!”

“You never told me what happened with you both that night.” She asks, brows knitted in concern for you while her heart was shattered.

also god the angst is so palpably good like i can chew on it because both flatmate and soap, individually and together, are so well fleshed-out and are good friends - and a great couple - WHICH OFC ONLY ADDS TO TEH FUCKING ANGST AND DRAMA OF IT ALL

‘What cannot be said will be wept’ - truer words have never been spoken, when reader starts to sob right afterwards under the guise of "soap was so good to flatmate" like ugh the heartbreak but also the relief of finally being able to let out her feelings, even if its veiled - UGGHHHHH yes let it outttt

reader overhearing the wild monkey sex and yearning/getting off only to end in wallowing...my GOD reminded me of the total ouroboros of despair of 'need to get rid of feelings so I can heal and get new feelings for someone else and move on - but fuck i can't look at all these feelings currently taking up space - oh whats that are they growing FUCK - i need to get rid of...'

good news tho, friends - IRL this cycle can and will be broken, the power of Christ compels you- no but really sometimes it takes some painfully slow and steady exorcism-level intervention by yourself+community to do so

--------------------------------------------

This fic fucking destroyed me in the best way

i haven’t been in this exact situation (thank FUCK i think my innate love and loyalty for close friends would physically/spiritually/chemically/legally/emotionally not allow my mind and heart to even entertain the thought…so far, and hopefully forever) but I have definitely found myself with feelings for unavailable people (i am absolutely religious about respecting/keeping certain boundaries IRL but…sometimes with just the right and random cocktail of circumstances, situations and interactions, feelings just fucking bloom) and coming to terms with that with myself and ruthlessly working to destroy those feelings (while also feeling like I couldn’t confide in anyone/talk about it openly out of shame) was fucking brutal in every sense of the word

looking at you 2018-2019 situationship where I heard [redacted]’s voice before I saw him and fell hard at first sight hearing; discovered later he was Not A Good Idea™️🙃 after he came on way too strong and raised all the yellow-reddish flags, but maintained what turned into a close friendship (that everyone else thought was more than) to see where it went organically but because our heartspace/heartpaces were different had to watch him fall in love with someone else that people said was a clone of me… maybe this fic was closer to home that i thought 😭

i avoided certain songs foods fuck even places and movies for the longest time because i had to take time to untangle it emotionally from the other and heal from the scars of ripping it away from myself…BUT IT IS POSSIBLE DEAR READER 🫂🫂🫂 (i will give reader a happy ending in the multiverse of my mind lol)

I would like to give both reader and evergreeny a huge-ass hug and a long uninterrupted walk together through the cherry blossom colonnades/around the reservoir in central park in springtime to pep talk and decompress and process 🌿🫂💚🌸

------------------------------------------------------------

so that lil bit between the lines was my original comment but then ofc the beauty of fandom and tumblr is the interactions and community and had to add some thoughts after the ever lovely @evergreenfields reached out and messaged me and basically was like i love that my fic killed you but ALSO ARE YOU OKAY lol

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way but as I told greeny, In Another Life holds a special position in my mind palace halls with a couple of stories/movies that I have vowed 'Once Was Enough, Never Reading/Watching Again' because of how heartrending/devastating it was, how it will haunt me for awhile, and because it helped to purge some incredibly strong feelings in a surprisingly healing and draining (good) way - truly, a cathartic work of art

(I re-read it again tho just for you greeny 💚)

I love happy endings but i am just as much a sucker for standalone powerful tragic stories when told right (and FUCK WAS THIS DONE WELL) because as the late, the great Tony Stark once said, "a part of the journey is the end" and also cos hindsight is 20/20 (are these quotes corny? yes. do I love them? yes.)

One of the reasons this story hit me so much in the feels for me is that I was reminded not just of IRL heartbreak and defeat, but IRL healing and victory afterwards - slowly, surely, to a degree that really eclipsed the heartbreak in a really spontaneous, beautiful, unexpected, and eucatastrophic way (shoutout to my IRL beloveds) - the wisdom and perspective I have now, I would not have earned without having gone through what I went through - truly, something money cannot buy. Healing is possible and can happen even long after wounds have scarred over <3 (also tbh the alchemical powers of writing/fanfic when an author's work meets the reader and the various lifelens by which they absorb the fic - the result just creates emotional IRL magic and fireworks basically)

I will end my rambles with two quotes this fic reminded me of:

“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.” - Ernest Hemingway

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S. Lewis

(yes the narnia dude, I fucking love narnia sue me ok)

In Another Life

Hurt, no comfort, angst, I’m ready to break my own heart.

Your flatmate is dating Soap and he’s everything you want.

Pairing: Soap x your female flatmate, one sided female reader x Soap, Captain Price x reader.

CW: MDNI! low self esteem, character death (spoiler, not explicit), catcalling, voyeurism, masturbation, PIV sex.

A/n: I hella projected lol. Reader is broken.

——

Soap is dating your flatmate.

Most men that your flatmate brought home were wet wipes, but this guy was some kind of special forces. His eyes were electric blue and he had the thickest eyelashes, he went by Johnny but he also went by Soap, you never learned why. You had to mentally pinch yourself while staring at him, he was everything you wanted in a partner. You hated the creamy mess in your underwear when you were in his company.

He was muscled and shaped like an upside down triangle, you had to look away when he would pop out from their room in the night. Muttering “sorry ‘scuse me” as you squeeze past the narrow corridor, ignoring the rumble of his “no no, I’m taking up all the room, lass.”

You caught his thighs and bulge in his compression shorts when he left for a run in the morning. Later, your flatmate traipsed into the kitchen muttering “I can hardly walk after last night, let alone run!”

You laugh and slap her arm playfully as you leave the room. You’re an expert at that now. That’s not to say you were never happy for her, but your phone was currently not blowing up with your latest dating app matches.

——

On the off chance Soap arrived when you were coming out of the shower, he only ever looked at your eyes and quickly got out of your way. He only had eyes for your flatmate. You got to your room and stood in front of the mirror and wondered what your flatmate and other women had that you didn’t.

——

Soap was full of energy, ready for a laugh but very protective. You would listen from your room when he dropped her off late at night after a raucous night out on the town.

“Call me tomorrow, alright?” His voice is muffled.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just call me when you wake up. You look like you need a lie in tomorrow. I’ll bring you breakfast.”

Tomorrow morning comes and Soap is early with a bag of food from a brunch spot nearby, he even brought you a coffee too. You thank him too much, maybe it wasn’t the coffee you were thanking him for.

——

Your flatmate and Soap came home late one night absolutely drunk out of their minds, they wobbled through the front door trying to dance to a song playing on his phone. They see you and it’s like they have heart eyes.

“Y/n, it’s y/n, THE GOAT!” Your roommate yells.

“The GOAT!” Soap hollers.

They both flop into the sofa either side of you. They’re too drunk to notice your teary eyes. You pushed the soggy tissue into your sleeve.

A dance tune starts up and before you can even recognise it, Soap bounces up with hands held out towards you both.

Your roommate grabs one hand.

You’re next.

You take Soap’s hand and you arc off the sofa, he’s strong.

You’re pressed up against his side. He’s hard, large and warm, you try not to enjoy the bodily contact as you all boogie to the song. You start to smile until you remember he isn’t yours.

——

“It’s only 2 days but I’m so excited,” she talks about her friend’s wedding in the south of France, “I’m wearing this dress” she flicks through her phone gallery “and Johnny is going to wear a kilt!” Muscled calves, big smile and rugged hands clasped at his front, Johnny looked like a million bucks.

“I love it, you’ll match!” You managed to squeeze out. You imagine the memories they’ll make and photos they’ll take. That night you have a 2nd date, you are excited by the fact he has asked you out again. It filled you with something resembling happiness.

You are meant to meet at a station out of town but you couldn’t find him at the small station and the path towards the car park was unlit and dodgy. When your date found you, he was annoyed that he had to pay for parking. He kept throwing red flags at you.

But still you slept with him because you wanted to feel touched and desired. You regretted it and then you had to take the train home later that night because he “had an early start to work tomorrow.” You wrapped your jacket around yourself to keep out some of the cold, trying not to be annoyed that he didn’t even attempt to make you orgasm or show any aftercare. You delete his number from your phone.

Later that weekend, the duo arrived home.

“We bought you back some chocolate!” Your flatmate says, Johnny swings his bag off his back, he passes it to you with 2 hands like it's a bar of gold. It could have been, with the way you looked at it.

��Aww guys you didn’t have to.” Your mouth is dry.

“Johnny found it, I didn’t know you were a sea salt and caramel fan!”

You put the chocolate in a drawer because you didn’t want to get used to tastes you couldn’t indulge in.

——

“He’s a prick, forget about him.” Your flatmate says pointedly about a new guy you were dating.

“Oi who’s a prick?” Soap walks into the kitchen, taking your flatmate’s waist in his hand.

“No one-” you turn away.

“A fuck boy that y/n isn’t seeing any more.” Your flat mate sounds proud by what wasn’t her decision.

“He isn’t a fuck boy.” You know you’ll regret clarifying the point, “we didn’t fuck, so he’s not. He’s just a prick.” You and the conversation. Soap whistles.

Later that night when you’re washing the dishes, Soap approaches you.

“Listen, forget about that guy,” he says low, you’d follow that voice anywhere.

“Thanks.” You squeak quietly.

“You will find what you're looking for, keep pushing and you’ll look back on this shite with a smile, maybe a misty eye, ey?” He bends forward to catch your eyes as you were trying to avoid them.

He smiles, you smile. He leaves, you remain.

The suds disappear and you turn off the tap, left in silence.

That night, they have muted sex, you hear their attempts at muffling moans and stifling strained grunts. You hear the bed frame squeak on the last hardest thrusts, then silence for a while. You imagine they feel warm, tingly and flushed, chests heaving. Eventually you hear footsteps come and go from the bathroom, the toilet flush going and the door shuts again. You wait for your heart rate to stabilise and your heart ache to subside.

——

“We’re going to the pub, wanna join us? Johnny’s friends are going to be there.” Your flatmate asks you.

You wonder if they’re as hot, funny and protective. You tell yourself you’re just going along for a chat, but part of you hopes it leads to something more; you put the hopeless in hopeless romantic. Put yourself out there, that’s what everyone says.

You wear a nice outfit that makes you feel pretty, your confidence isn’t abundant but you’re feeling yourself.

You arrive at the pub, you meet them, you chat, you drink, you leave.

Nothing about the evening was bad, his team were really nice, all huge and charming in their own ways. Their Captain was a greyhound with an intense gaze that seemed to follow you. Gaz’s girlfriend arrived and you thought you heard some rumblings about Ghost being pushed to date.

The Captain was receptive to you, leaning in to listen, you thought you saw him glance at your lips and legs. He helped you off the tall stool you were sitting on, taking you by your waist to help you down. You know not to push, men hated when women pushed. Well, they hated when you pushed. And you didn’t want to make anything awkward between you and your flatmate. So you left without asking for his phone number or a date, but he hugged you tightly and held your gaze for longer than you thought usual.

When all three of you got home, your flatmate shouted at the top of her lungs “you and the Captain huh?! Practically undressing each other with your eyes!” You laugh and immediately feel your ears going red. You were stoked that someone else noticed because you thought it was all in your head, as it usually was.

You didn’t notice Soap put a hand out to stop her.

“Babe. Babe-” he says “don’t go there.”

Your heart tightens. Your flatmate puts her hands on her hips, confused and a little offended as if to say ‘I know what I saw.’

“It ain’t like that, the Captain is… Price is… Look, he’s married to the job.” Brows knitted, the jovial spirit replaced with seriousness, “we don’t sit around and talk about it but he ain’t the type to mess around.”

You play it off “we were just talking, it’s not a big deal.”

It hurts when Soap says “good, because he’s a lifer.”

You close the door to your bedroom and mull Soap’s words in your tormented mind. The fuzziness you felt replaced by emptiness.

Part of you willed it to be wrong, that you were the woman to pull the Captain out of his self fulfilling and self imposed prophecy. You almost laughed at your audacity.

“I can’t even get a text back, why would he be interested?” You stare at the ceiling, the alcohol left your system and the room was uncomfortably still.

——

“You like tha’, lass?” you hear Soap rasp, you’re not sure if he’s taking her from behind or if he’s on top of her. The faint slaps, skin on skin, indicate it’s either doggy or the standing position your flatmate had once whispered about. The loud moans indicate it’s good.

You don’t breathe. You just listen.

“Oh god, Johnny please!” Your flatmate whines, the force of his thrusts evident in her stuttering voice.

You close your eyes and see yourself with Soap under you, knees folded under his bulging arms, hips pistoning into you with ferocious need. You argue with yourself but then you quickly surrender and slip your hand into your knickers. You draw tight circles on your clit while your eyes burn with tears unfallen. Undiluted shame and need fills you. You breathe sharply through your nose and then hold your breath, staying as quiet as possible. Both of your hearts raced, thumping against your ribs.

“Tha’s it,” you hear his muffled voice grunt. You imagine his massive hand grasping your breast, your hand follows. Their bed frame groans but yours is silent. Your flatmate’s voice gets higher in pitch and she comes loudly, he grunts, swears, the mattress squeaks. You push two fingers into yourself and quickly find your spongy spot, electricity rolls through you.

You come undone shakily and silently, tears springing immediately from your eyes as you ride the wave of your orgasm. Your hand clasps across your mouth as you try to stem the noise of your sobs. You feel disgusted and disgusting. You wipe your eyes with your sleeves. You check your phone, no text from him. You manage to fall into a restless sleep.

——

One night, you and your flatmate encountered an asshole at the station.

“Nice bit of skirt, that.” He leers at your flatmate.

“Fuck off, you prick!” You shout back without breaking stride, not caring he was bigger than you. This confidence was new to you. Or was it anger?

When you arrived at the music venue, your flatmate told Soap what happened, you couldn’t hear them as the music was loud and you were at the bar. You could see the look of concern and regret on his face. He stormed over to you and he pulled you into a bear hug.

“Thanks for taking care of her,” he says to your temple. He releases you but keeps his arm around your shoulder as you wait at the bar, his weight is comforting and protective. He then helps you carry the drinks over.

He adds “I’m sorry Gaz and Cap couldn’t make it, paperwork.” You’d heard that one before but this time you gave yourself the benefit of believing it.

During the gig was a slow acoustic song that hit a little too close to home so you snuck out to the toilet to wait it out.

But you could still hear the music as you leaned against the stall and picked at your nails, doing breathing exercises you’d read about, through your tears.

——

You began to feel like the only man in your life. You even treated yourself to a massage because the touch deprivation reached a fever pitch.

You scroll through the website trying to find an available masseuse. Their headshots were small but you were on the lookout for a man with a thick neck and prominent traps, you knew the silhouette you were looking for. Your masseuse didn’t have a Mohawk but he was close enough that when you closed your eyes, his hands, his pressure and weight became Johnny’s.

——

You were invited again to a party with the squad, moods were good but there were hints of them being away for an extended mission. While you heeded what Soap said about Price, you wanted to know it from the horse's mouth. You bantered with the Captain, and he bantered back, at first. It turned to flirting and you playfully slapped his bicep, joking that you could drink him under the table, knowing well enough that you couldn’t. You ignored the looks from Gaz and Ghost - it’s like they knew something you didn’t. And they did.

You found yourself outside with Price. He’d asked only you to come outside, you felt giddy at the prospect of him wanting to be alone with you. He was smoking a cigar, you stared at the lit end, hoping it revealed some kind of secret you could finally be privy to.

It was cold outside, bitterly cold.

“You’re a lovely girl, y/n, you’re, smart, pretty, ballsy,” he says, almost to himself. You’re immediately familiar with the tone. What came next would hurt. Your breathing quickens and there’s a pit in your stomach.

“I’m not in a place where I can give you what you want, what you deserve, darlin’.”

The alcohol seemed to dissipate from your system. Rejection was one hell of a way to sober up. You look down at your shoes and chew your lip to stop it from trembling.

You knew better than to beg, to make compromises, to ask for a chance. Nothing would convince him. Maybe another woman could. But not me. So you turned to humour because it was safer than being vulnerable.

With wet eyes and a wobbly voice that you couldn’t hide, you say “so you think I’m pretty?”

He hits you with a look that you’ll never forget.

“In another life-“ he quietly began.

You cut him off, agreeing, “in another life.”

You both went indoors and you summoned a smile from the deepest recesses of your being. You left early that night.

——

It was with bated breath that you left your room ready for your date. You were in a beautiful outfit that did wonders for your confidence. You spun around a few times in the mirror.

Johnny was at the foot of the stairs and he looked at you with his big blue eyes, you’re sure you saw his pupils grow. Your phone buzzed but you ignored it because you enjoyed being under his gaze.

“Look at you! He’s a lucky lad!”

“Wait, let me see!” Your flatmate's voice came from the kitchen.

Your phone buzzed again. You pull it out to see a stream of texts from your date.

“Oh you look gorgeous, girl!” You barely hear your flatmate. Blood rushes to your ears.

You read out the text message.

“Sorry can’t make it, hungover lol.” You sound distant, as if it wasn’t related to you.

“Fucking prick.” Soap says with no hesitation.

“Y/n…. Babe.” Your flatmate pulls you into a hug but you’re limp and embarrassed.

“Fuck it, I’m going out anyway!” You exclaim, pretending to be okay you practically rush out of the door.

The door shuts behind you. You want to cry but you squeeze your eyes shut and start to walk towards the station. You don’t last long, your vision is wet and nose runny. You end up at a riverside cafe, watching the world go by without you. What a shitty year, you tell yourself.

——

You hear a hushed conversation a week before Soap is due to leave for a few weeks. You kept your headphones on and nodded at them when you walked past, giving them privacy.

You wish you could be in someone’s inner circle, but instead you were grateful you could float around theirs. You put a mental reminder in to take your flatmate to dinner while Soap was away and to keep her from watching the news.

——

“Turn it down!” You yell at your flatmate while you go to answer the door, the radio is on blast while you both cook.

Through the peephole you see the unmistakable beard of Captain Price.

“Oh John, hi!” You can’t hide that you’re happy to see him. But then you notice his grave expression.

“Hi love, sorry to come by unannounced,” he’s standing straighter and his smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Is your flatmate around?”

“Yeh, come in.” Your stomach drops. You didn’t need to call out, your flatmate is already by the door.

“No,” she recognises the look.

“I’m so sorry, love.” Price says quietly.

“Oh god no!” She cries out and sobs, her entire body shakes.

You put your arms around her but your eyes are on Price, wet and unflinching, waiting for the confirmation of the news.

His blue eyes are overcast and tired, he nods and looks down.

“We’ll have to take you onto base if you wish to go through matters,” Price says quietly. You helped your flatmate get her coat on, understanding that you couldn’t go with her.

Price dropped her home later that night, you plated up some food for her but she couldn’t eat. You hugged each other on the sofa until one of you fell asleep first.

It felt like Soap would be bursting through the door with his infectious energy at any moment, but the silence was deafening.

——

You weren’t invited to the funeral as it was behind closed doors. You didn’t know what to do with yourself, you went from crying to intense panic attacks to bouts of guilt. You missed him, you missed his presence. You thought about the way his eyes would light up when you suggested shots at the pub, how he’d walked you both home and how safe you felt. Sure he wasn’t holding your hand but for a moment, you felt wanted, taken care of and significant. You felt terrible for mourning someone else’s partner so deeply and intimately.

Price came by a few times in the next few months, sometimes you were home, sometimes you weren’t. When your flatmate finally came out of her room, her eyes red and complexion weak, she would walk around the house like an apparition.

“I can’t do this without him!” She would plead, “I miss him so much.” You rubbed her back, silently wiping your tears, telling her you were sorry, over and over.

“John came by today, he sends his best.” She says.

“Bless him,” you say quietly, trying not to read too much into it, because all the meaning you longed for wouldn’t come.

“You never told me what happened with you both that night.” She asks, brows knitted in concern for you while her heart was shattered.

“Soap was right about him.” You said, “and that’s okay.” You breathed, hoping the more you said it the more you would believe it.

——

‘What cannot be said will be wept’ you read the quote over and over, you’d seen it online and it immediately brought Price into your mind.

His visits became less frequent, but he came by again to check in with your flatmate. He looked like he was carrying the world on his shoulders and you wanted nothing more than to pull him into an embrace and comfort him.

“Come in, she just got in the shower, want a tea while you wait?”

It had been 6 months since the news.

“How are you holding up?” Price asked.

“M’okay, trying to be there for her as best I can.”

“I know it isn’t easy for you either.” He said, “you’re doing good by her, you’re a good friend.”

Guilt and shame rushes through your system, you didn’t feel like a good friend.

“He was so good to her-” you start to sob, hands across your mouth, willing it to stay inside so you never have to confront how you really felt about him.

You’re surprised to be suddenly in his embrace. John consumes you, you’re completely surrounded by him. You grip his jacket, afraid to let go. His right hand rubbed your shoulder blades and his left hand held onto your waist tightly.

“I’m sorry love,” he whispered, “and I’m sorry I wasn’t good to you.”

“You don’t have to apologise for anything John, you haven’t done anything wrong.” You sounded throaty.

“I made you believe in something I couldn’t give you.” His voice is quiet, you feel it against his chest.

“In another life,” you manage to sob his phrase back to him, he can feel you inhaling hard, trying to catch your breath.

“Another life.” He says back, kissing your head.

“Take care of yourself, John” you say with a ragged voice looking straight into his eyes. You grab your bag and push past him out of the door. You can still see his sad eyes in your mind.

Immediately you regret leaving while he was still available and present. But then you think if he wanted to say more he’d have done so. Life is choices, he made his choice. And I wasn’t one of them. Your legs take you away from him, into the bitter cold.

[bitbrumal]

                                                                                    CONTINUED               @galactia​   ↤   always accepting    ::   RANDOM / XMAS   ↩

Zhongli presents Kaeya with a gift, folded beneath a covering of fabric. It is a set of clothing, personally commissioned, sewn of the finest Liyuese materials. The shirt is sheer black, loose and elegant at the sleeves and tapered at the waist, soft and breathable. The coat to accompany it is white, dusted in inlayed golden designs that resemble fractals of ice and snow. The buttons are polished granite, flecked with gold, and the stitching that weaved its image together was black. With it is a cape, split to allow for it to drape over Kaeya's shoulders and leave his arms free, but its collars is close and around the shoulders and neck is fur enough to keep him warm, even in the winters of Mond.

With this fine suit, is a smaller box. Inside is a stone, no larger than a coin, smooth and gleaming. Its amber depths glitter such black and orange it nearly shines iridescent, and over its surface are expertly carved, in Liyue script, the symbols for protection, security, and safety. "You deserve fine things." Zhongli breathes, and as he presents this, a far smaller token, he adds, "And this, which I formed from a piece of Cor Lapis from the mountains of Guyun Stone forest, is something so you might remember my affections, even while apart."

 With steady fingers, the god led Kaeya's fingertips over the carved impressions, "This, is a promise of protection. While this, a blessing of safety. And the last, a seal of security."

KAEYA  you deserve fine things - none of which he can be compensated for. at least, not in the... proportionate sense.          funny how hard it can be not to feel cheap. a line up of confrontations with the fact of this: how harsh, how hollow, how acrid kaeya is. there isn’t much to gift to, or to respond with. not here, where anything more than honesty defeats the point.

another gift beyond his value; another instance of his fingers closing around something craved for what it means. even if expressed in only monetary terms, this states value. kaeya nearly bites through his lip as he lets himself take it. the bills are stacking up. he’s no lasting intention to pay.                             if zhongli intends for this to be a partnership                        he can be trusted to know what it takes—no? pre-empt the breaking point of generosity’s impulse meeting the brick wall of exhaustion. those millennia are supposed to be good for something. 

              a promise of protection

      a blessing of safety

a seal of security

ah... & they’ve moved on to matters of divine protection. kaeya’s eyes are glued to the colour of zhongli’s eyes - but safer, & less meaningful.

                    “bold words,” it is a low grumble. “have you not noticed,” t h i c k, voice of silk ripping across the gravel of emotion. he’d not intended to bare this today, but zhongli makes- zhongli... it’s not an opportunity to squander, no matter what. “how thoroughly you are writ into my being?”        not the right words. sure, get it wrong. why not. by now the truth has become so wrung out it is misshapen even when uttered into daylight. “i cannot forget. regardless how much i enjoy your reminders.”

          perhaps the emotion isn’t unworthy. ( i’m going to need this beyond its expiration date. ) it is TERROR.

ah, fuck. what it means to be loved by a god indeed- although kaeya remains hard-pressed to believe a mere god would forfeit so much of its time just by dint of its nature.     now, if they were to discuss individual nature...                      but this is his god, so it does not matter what the others are like. ( not until he needs them &, with the courage of the bitterly damned, will try the one thing that has worked. to likely less satisfactory results. but that’s what make-belief is for. )

            THE ONLY SECURITY I NEED YOU’VE ALREADY GIVEN ME — a promise carved into his own flesh. a day that won’t be forgot until he forgets himself.

the amber of zhongli’s eyes is of the stone that is slipped, delicately, into the pressure under his corset. under his blouse - tucked right below the sharp point of a cleavage’s v. it nudges into his breastbone like a stomach ache, & he smiles.

         “dress me in your colours,” it’s not that the gift isn’t appreciated, when laid firmly aside. no, he’s rather fond of being spoiled- “recognise me in your blood,” that chiselled jaw cupped by greedy fingers that card into his hair to grip it, “drown me in your scent.” the stroke of his cheek along the bare column of another’s warm throat. when he hums it is closer to a growl: 3 different kinds of excitement / all satisfaction.      his claws are always out, when embracing this one.                          everything pales in comparison to t h i s:

                 that this motherfucker is his.

[buckysdolls]

Perfectly Perfect

One Shot- Bucky x Reader

Summary- You’ve been Bucky’s support system in his attempt to make his wrongs, right. Developing love for you, Bucky’s get jealous upon seeing another man pay you attention.

Warnings- floof, minimal mentions of a sexual nature, swearing, protective loveable Bucky!

“So, you’re just going to sit here and watch some guy sweep her off her feet hmm?”

Bucky’s squinted eyes and straight lips signalled to Sam that Bucky wasn’t impressed with his running commentary on you talking to another guy.

“Oh great, now you’re doing your staring thing” Sam huffed rolling his eyes as he shook his head.

Bucky looked over at you, catching a glimpse of your beaming smile, a smile that lit whichever room you was standing in. A smile that he’d come to adore. He couldn’t blame the guy that was currently drooling over you, you were by far the most charming girl in the room. Bucky was so sure you were interested in him, the confidence you’d given him to believe in himself, your caring nature, and your ability to be patient with him was better than any therapy session he’d been ordered to attend, though it took him ages to open up to you, love was stronger than any other feeling he had. You had been the support he needed all along to continue being the good guy he needed to be and wanted to be. You’d helped him right so many wrongs after he revealed his book of names to you, sharing each individual story, knowing you wouldn’t judge him. In the time they’d known each other, he was now considering if he’d fallen too hard, and read the situation wrong. You're kind-hearted, sweet, and soft, but for a girl who was a badass bitch in a fight, you was far from the hard exterior you liked others to see, you each knew the real side of each other.

The guy leaned into you, one of his hands resting on your hips, the other brushing your hair over your shoulder, letting the pads of his fingertips linger on your skin. Sam observed Bucky as he stared back at him, raising an eyebrow. Bucky’s jaw clenched in frustration, though the rest of his face lay expressionless. The only way Sam knew Bucky was gaining irritated by the second was the grip of his metal arm squeezing the chair, slowly crushing it.

“You seriously just going to watch this?” Sam questioned as they both assessed the situation in front of their eyes.

“Sam, stop talking” Bucky’s focus was glued to Sam as he didn’t want to watch the girl he wanted to be his flirt with another man.

“Stupid fucking party anyway! We’ve not even found what we’re looking for” Bucky mumbled under his breath as he slumped lower into his chair maintaining eye contact with Sam.

“Why are you wallowing in your own self-pity Bucky? Just man up and get your girl!” Sam snapped whilst continuing to stare back at Bucky.

“I’m not! She’s a grown ass woman, she can do what she wants.”

“God I wish you knew when to shut up!” Sam scoffed at Bucky’s comment.

“Here I thought we were finally learning to get along huh?” Sam replied making Bucky give a fake smile.

“Yeah well maybe you should stop talking about Y/N.”

“It’s hard not to when anyone can clearly see how much you love each other”

You smiled uncomfortably at the guy who stood in front of you. Feeling uneasy with the attention the guy was giving you, you removed his hands from you shoulder with a polite smile. At first you were having an innocent little conversation to pass the time, you hoped that time would pass, and you could find yourself back with Bucky, but now his unwanted hands were dancing over your body. Your hips, shoulders, lower back. Had this been anywhere but public you would have snapped this guy’s arms in two, but you didn’t want to make a scene.

“I’m flattered, but I’m actually in love with someone.” you spoke sweetly trying to remain calm.

“Look we can just get out of here. I don’t live to far from here” The alcohol on the mans breath made you gag as you inhaled the stench.

“Like I said, I really am flattered but…”

You were cut off by the guy leaning in and attempting to position his lips onto yours

Bucky watched Sam break their stare and twist his head to your direction just in time to see you dodge the kiss from this guy.

“Well shit!” Sam chuckled.

“What is it?” Bucky questioned frantically as he leaned out of his chair, trying to read Sam’s expression. He clasped his hands together, his metal hand slightly squeezing his natural hand.

“The dude just tried to kiss Y/N.”

Before Sam could even turn his head back to face Bucky he was seeing Bucky rapidly stride over to your direction with purpose.

“Finally!” Sam breathed a sigh with a snicker as he stood to attention, ready to intervene if needed.

You had your hands on this guy’s shoulder’s pushing him away, shooting him a look of disgust that he didn’t understand what the words ‘no’ meant.

“Playtime’s over. Move along” Bucky’s husky voice was music to your ears, you let a smile curl onto your lips before quickly removing your hands from the shoulders of the guy in front of you. You looked up to see Bucky stood next to you, his hand snaked round your waist settling just below your hip. You could tell he was unimpressed, but you felt comfort and security at his touch, you knew you could handle the situation, but Bucky’s presence was welcomed.

“Who the hell are you” The guy backed up, looking Bucky up and down, pursing his lips, deciding whether it was worth the fight.

“You don’t want to know who I am…” Bucky cocked his head to the side.

You winced as you felt Bucky’s grip on your skin tighten, you knew it was because this guy was angering him. Letting your hand fall upon his, your thumb gently rubbed the back of Bucky’s to soothe him.

The guy scoffed at Bucky before taking one last look at you, turning up his bottom lip.

“You weren’t that great to look at anyway” The guy was rude as he laughed his comment off, walking away. You felt Bucky’s hand begin to slip out of yours and from your waist ready to beat on the guy, but you held on as tightly as you could, letting Bucky know you’d didn’t want him to do something he’d regret later.

A little silence filled between you and Bucky as you watched the man disappear into the crowd of people. You felt Bucky’s touch at your hips tap you before removing himself and heading back over to Sam, you silently followed Bucky’s direction.

You watched as Bucky flopped into a black leather chair opposite Sam, reigniting his stare.

“Really, you're going to stare at me again?” You heard Sam ask Bucky, who greeted him with a fake ass smile and silence.

“okay, I’m out” Sam declared getting up from his seat and putting his hands up in the air walking away. You sat on the arm of the chair where Bucky sat, crossing one leg over the other. Your fingers stroked at the ends of his short hair, and down his neck as a sign of affection to calm Bucky.

“Well, he was nice” You sighed, trying to strike a conversation with Bucky.

“He was a prick” You could tell from the cold tone of Bucky’s voice and his avoiding gaze that something was up, or that he didn’t want to talk.

“You want to talk about it?” You purposefully and slowly slipped down form the armchair into Bucky’s lap, you wanted to be close to Bucky. Bucky instantly adjusted himself to get comfortable to allow you to take place on his lap, once again putting his hand around your waist, falling at the bottom of you back. You settled your hand on his cheek as you guided his head to meet yours. You observed his eyes, watching them flicker between your lips and eyes, he let his hand rest in between your thighs as he squeezed you closer to him, your bodies touching.

“What’s going on in that brain Bucky?”

“You” His response was quick and simple.

“What about me exactly?” Your faces inched closer to each other as you could hear Bucky’s heavy breathing… the bulge that you sat on getting harder making you feel nervous…nervous with excitement and anticipation.

“Everything Y/N. I’m in fucking love with you” You watched as his blue eyes glistened, you felt and heard him sigh in relief. Or was it your own relief? You knew you liked Bucky and had done for some time now, but the thought of jeopardising that knowing how volatile Bucky could be due to his trauma, you knew it was safer to pretend your feelings were just as close friends.

“Needed to get that off your chest?” You questioned letting your lips hover over his and a hand settling on his chest. His hand slowly trailed up your back, bringing both his hands to meet your cheeks.

“Yeah apparently I did” Bucky let a small smile creep onto his lips, it quickly disappeared as he began staring at you with need.

“You know I did tell that guy that I was flattered by his attention… but I was in love with someone else.”

“Who’s the lucky guy?” Bucky’s grip on your cheeks from wanting you had relaxed to a softer touch, his fingertips smooth like petals, melting into your skin.

“I think you know who Bucky…”

Bucky’s let his lips linger a little while before making perfectly sure this is what you wanted. His lips finally met yours, the initial kiss felt like velvet, yet it was quick. Pulling away Bucky checked over you, his eyes quickly searching yours for any doubt, his fingers moving the strands of hair that had fallen over one side of your face. Colliding his lips onto yours again, this time intense, starting slow. Seconds passed before you were demanding entry, biting on his bottom lip. You felt Bucky smirk into the kiss, granting you exactly what you wanted, your tongues delicately brushing past each other as the kiss deepened with desire. Kissing Bucky took you to paradise, his kiss was perfectly perfect. You broke away from Bucky wanting to admire his looks and appreciate the moment.

“Is something wrong Y/N?”

You smiled kindly, shaking your head gently, enjoying the electric aura between you and Bucky.

“Can we go home Bucky?” You jumped off Bucky, looking down at his lap and giggling.

“Give me a few moments to sort it out” Bucky clutched at his crotch subtlety, trying to adjust himself. He wore his goofy grin, the one that was so rare to see, knowing he was feeling the happiest he'd been.

[illfoandillfie]

Kinktober Day 3: Bukkake

Kinktober Masterlist | Regular Masterlist

Pairing: Primarily Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader and Lucy Boynton x Fem!Reader + also Lucy Boynton x Rami Malek + Gwilym Lee + Joe Mazzello

Words: 4,881

Warnings: bukkake (obviously), oral sex (f receiving), 69ing, cumplay, vibrators, some overstimulation, degredation (being called a slut).

A/N: This is something of a sequel to The Dinner Party. As soon as I saw bukkake was an option for day 3 I knew I had to do something with the borhap boys and then I’m too much of a whore to leave out Lucy so here we are lmao.

The day after the dinner party was a mostly quiet one. Ben treated you to a massage which was very appreciated, and then spent the rest of the day showering you in affection, ignoring your protests that you should be thanking him since he’d helped you live one of your biggest fantasies. You spent a long while talking about it too, going over everything in more detail now that you were in a better headspace to think properly. You talked through the emotions the scene had brought up and how close it came to what you’d been imagining. Ben confided which parts he’d liked most and which parts had made him worried and how he’d come close to safe wording once, when Joe had been spanking you. But for the most part he’d enjoyed it as much as you had and you agreed that neither of you would be opposed to something similar happening again. Although you also agreed that if it was a one-off event that would be okay too.   

Everyone remained in London for some weeks though it was hard to organise a group hang out again. You did meet up with everyone individually – Rami and Lucy joined you when Ben bought tickets to the ballet, you met Joe for dinner and drinks, and played a round of golf with Gwil – but it was difficult to find a time you were all free again. And not for lack of trying. It just seemed as if half of you were always busy at any one time. Lucy kept pushing though, eager to see everyone again, and eventually the planets aligned. A meeting fell through here, a lunch was rescheduled there, and all of a sudden everyone was free. There was some back and forth in the group chat about where to meet but eventually it was decided that your place would serve best again. It felt as if everyone was being careful not to reference the last time they’d all come over. It had felt like that every time you’d seen any of them. The most anyone had said was that dinner had been nice and it was good to catch up. But neither you nor Ben were keen to be the ones that brought it up either. For one thing you didn’t want to seem as if you were fishing for compliments, but there was also the uncertainty about far they’d read into such a comment. But even with the slight awkwardness, neither of you had any complaints about hosting everyone again.   

There was a lot less to prepare this time around, just a small afternoon tea rather than a full dinner. Ben did a run to the store to pick up a few necessities like milk and bread and a bag of apples so you could whip up a simple teacake. You had a quick tidy-up but didn’t need to go to the same amount of effort you’d required to set up for the dinner party. You didn’t have to worry about moving the furniture around, or dressing provocatively, or digging out sex toys, or anything like that. And when everyone arrived you sat around the living room on whichever chairs were available with mugs of tea or coffee, chatting casually, and snacking on sandwiches and cake. Some wine and bottles of beer got opened but that was as raucous as the afternoon seemed likely to get. At least, until an hour or so in when there was a lull in the conversation.   

For a moment all the talk seemed to stop. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. The silence was perfectly tolerable if a little odd considering how many of you there were. You were just about to ask Gwil how the project he was working on was going when Lucy spoke up.   “So that dinner party was fun.” She said, her eyes flicking from you to Ben and back again.   There was a chorus of agreement from everyone else and you giggled, knowing they were all thinking about what it had felt like to fuck you. Ben slowly lowered his beer bottle without it having reached his lips fully and your heartbeat sped up, wondering if they’d have more to say.   “I just have one small regret about the night,”   “Oh?” You felt as if every cell in your body had frozen in anticipation, wondering what Lucy might have regrets about. Had she disliked something that had happened?   “Well,” Lucy took a sip of her wine as if to fortify herself a little, “I wish we’d made out more. We could have made a show of it for the boys.”   Your body had started to work again but at twice the speed, your stomach somersaulting at the suggestion. You tried to keep your voice level, “Y-yeah, that, um, that probably would have been fun.”   Ben’s head had whipped around to look at you and in your peripheral vision you saw Gwil and Rami exchange looks. The same thought was on everybody’s mind but they were waiting for you. Slowly you turned to look at Ben too, already able to see the excitement in his eyes, “What do you say Benny? You okay to watch Me and Luce?”   “Uh,” he cleared his throat and nodded, “Yeah I’d like that a lot.”   “Rami?” you asked, sure he’d already have talked it through with Lucy but wanting to give him a chance to voice any discomfort, “Do you mind if I kiss your girlfriend?”   He chuckled softly, “No, I don’t mind at all.”   “Okay,” you glanced again at Lucy who had eagerly watched the whole exchange, and then back to Ben who nodded at you and took charge of the situation.    “Right. Lads, help me move the furniture a bit so the girls have some room. Babe, go and get a couple of blankets or sheets or something so that we don’t end up with spunk in the carpet.”   You hopped up and hurried to the bedroom as everyone else began rearranging the furniture. Lucy followed you and, to your surprise, so did Ben. He grabbed the pillows from your bed, pulling their covers off so they could be replaced with fresh ones as you dug through the cupboard for some clean sheets.   “Right, what did you ladies have in mind?” he asked softly as you all busied yourselves.   “Well, I guess, maybe me and Lucy will make out-”   “More,” Lucy cut in, “Not just making out, I want to fuck you.”   You gulped, “Okay. Me and Lucy will fuck and you guys can all watch and jack off over us. How does that sound?”   Lucy nodded enthusiastically, “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”   Ben’s eyes flicked between you but he nodded, “That's what I assumed. Just to be clear though, nothing else?”  “What did you have in mind?” Lucy asked slyly, “I’d be up for blowing you guys too if you wanted.”  Ben laughed, though his cheeks flushed pink, “I wasn’t suggesting anything. In fact, I was going to say it’s probably safer if we put a no touch rule in place. I mean if you want things to be more like last time, obviously I’d be into that and I know Y/N would be too.”  You nodded agreement.  “But this is very spur of the moment, and a lot of planning went into last time. I’d at least want to talk to Rami about offering any, well,”  “Any of our holes?” You suggested, making Ben flush more.  “Yes, that.” He said with a small laugh, “It’s probably better if it’s a look but don’t touch situation. Unless you had other ideas.”  “No, that makes sense,” Lucy said, “I did talk with Rami about it already but the idea of me being shared around wasn’t brought up, it was just about everyone watching me and Y/N.”  “Then I think it’s for the best if we stick with that.”  “Yeah, whatever you guys are most comfortable with,” Lucy said, “As long as I still get to play with Y/N’s cunt.”  Ben smiled at having such a statement addressed to him, but he could see your excitement at the idea and was happy to agree on your behalf.    “Right well, I’m going to go make sure Rami knows whats going on. Why don’t you two go and get these sheets spread out, make it comfy for yourselves, and then I’ll go over the rules so everyone hears them and we can get started.”   You pulled Ben into a quick kiss, “Thanks babe. Love you.”   “Go on, go set up.” He laughed, handing Lucy the newly covered pillows, “Who knew we had two sluts in the group.” 

By the time you returned to the main room it looked quite different. The coffee table had been shifted aside, butting up against a wall out of the way. The couch, arm chair and a few spare seats from around the dining table had been rearranged too, creating something of a circle. Ben pulled Rami aside and you were momentarily distracted watching them chat, until Lucy threw a pillow at your head to get your attention. Laughing again, a little giddy with excitement, you helped her spread out the sheets, laying the pillows in the centre. She observed what you’d created with her hands on her hips.   “There, that should do. How you feel about toys? Got a double ended dildo we could use?”   “Ummm, nothing like that. Theres a regular dildo though and a vibrator. Plus y’know, cuffs and paddles and that.”   Lucy shook her head, “What about that one with the remote we used on you last time?”   “Yeah, I’ve still got that. What are you thinking?”   “I’m thinking the boys could control it. And maybe grab the other vibe too?”   You agreed and hurried back to the bedroom as Ben gathered everyone’s attention to explain the rules of the evening.    “So Lucy and Y/N have graciously offered to be tonight's entertainment but there’s to be no touching involved. You are allowed to talk to them, give them suggestions, make comments about them, call them derogatory names – the same sort of thing as last time. And, of course, you’re encouraged to enjoy yourselves fully and have a cheeky wank while watching them. As long as you keep your hands to yourself. Um, what else,” Ben paused as he watched you re-join Lucy in the middle of the circle, “There is lube, if you’d like to use it. And if you are going to cum, try to aim for the girls or at least the sheets and not our furniture or carpet. Of course you can also-”   You stopped listening as Lucy tugged you down to the floor, situating herself above you so she was straddling your waist. She grabbed your wrists as you reached out to touch her, pushing them over your head and pinning them against the floor as she leaned down to kiss you.   You couldn’t help but arch into her, Ben’s voice calling you a slut still ringing in your ears, as you tried to deepen the kiss. 

Ben had long stopped talking, all four of the guys completely focused on you and Lucy. You were vaguely aware of the sounds of them getting comfortable as Lucy let your wrists go. She sat up straighter and drew her dress over her head, revealing the matching bra and panties she wore.    “Came prepared?” you asked which just made her laugh.  “Now you,” she said, shuffling back so she could strip you too. You hadn’t put in as much effort with your underwear, not having expected to show it off for anyone other than Ben, but someone still let out a long low whistle of appreciation.  Lucy giggled as she resettled herself on your hips and leaned down to kiss you again, distracting you as her hand reached for the vibrator.   You jolted as she pressed it against your clothed clit, holding it there until you let out a soft hum of pleasure. And then, just as soon as it had started it stopped. Lucy sat up again and looked around at the entranced men, all of whom seemed to be a little dazed.   “Well c’mon boys. We wanna see your cocks.”   There was a sharp intake of breath and then you heard zips lowering as each of them complied with Lucy’s request.    She just grinned at you.  

You had enough time to glance around and see Ben in one chair, slowly stroking his semi-hard dick, before Lucy surprised you with the vibrator again. She held it against you, turning up the speed of the vibrations and using the tip to draw circles over your clit as you squirmed underneath her. Rocking forward Lucy let out her own soft hum of pleasure as she rubbed herself against the vibrator too.  From somewhere above you came a soft groan from one of the boys, though it was hard to tell who exactly when Lucy was once again adjusting the speed of the toy. She turned it up a notch, the buzzing getting louder as the speed increased, and held it firmly in place. Her other hand rested against your thigh so her back was arched slightly as she rocked against the toy, both of you keening and moaning softly as it drew you towards the edge.   You came first, mouth falling open as you shuddered with the orgasm, but Lucy kept the vibrator in place until she’d reached her peak too. She didn’t take much longer than you did but it was long enough to have you whining as the pleasure teetered on the edge of pain. You felt nearly breathless as she shut it off and put it aside.  

Looking up at your captive audience, Lucy asked, “What would you fellers like to see me do to the slut next?”  It was quiet for a bit. You waited, still trying to catch your breath, to see if anyone would comment on your fate.  After a moment Joe spoke up, “I think you shouldn’t throw stones in glass houses Luce. You’re as much of a slut as Y/N.”  Lucy laughed, “Fair point. So then what would you like to watch two sluts do?”  Joe didn’t even pause, “I think you should 69.”  “That does sound fun,” Lucy said, already reaching for your knickers, “Someone unclasp my bra for me?”  You let her work your underpants down your legs, watching as Joe happily stood up to help Lucy with her bra. She shucked it off and stood to remove her panties which gave you time to rid yourself of your own bra, leaving you both naked.   The next thing you knew as you settled back against the pillow, was Lucy lowering herself over your lips and the salty sweet tang on your tongue as you licked along her wet slit.   She hummed in response, and rocked against you, cooing about how good you were and how you were going to make her cum again, encouraging you to delve deeper and taste more of her.   “I said 69 Luce,” Came Joe’s voice and then she lowered her head to your pussy too, her breath warm as she lightly licked along your lips. 

Knowing that there were so many eyes on you was definitely a turn on, especially when you could hear the boys. They made comments about you and Lucy, calling you good sluts for keeping them entertained, grunting about how hot it was to watch as they stroked themselves. And then there was the sound of their strokes too, hands on skin, occasionally assisted by the wet of lube or spit. You could hear their hisses and hitched breaths mixed in with Lucy’s own sounds as she spread your lips with her fingers and lapped up your juices. The only problem was that Lucy’s ministrations were too light. Her tongue and lips felt nice as she traced them along your slit and flicked against your clit, but you wished she’d be a little firmer or faster. To compensate, or maybe in an attempt to demonstrate what you wanted, you sucked harder, pressed your tongue more firmly to her cunt. Which just made her climax sooner. She moaned when she hit her release, still bent over you but breaking contact so you were left wishing she’d just keep going.   She rode out her orgasm on your face and then sighed with satisfaction as she crawled off you.  “Lucy,” you pouted, wiping your mouth, “I didn’t finish.”  She clicked her tongue and mockingly pouted back as she knelt between your legs, “Boo hoo.” Her fingers lightly traced along your lower stomach, making you shiver, “You already came once, isn’t that enough.”  “I’d prefer more.”  She let her hand trail lower, down to your clit, “Hmm, my mistake.”  And then all of a sudden she was pressing two of her fingers into you, making you gasp. With her free hand she spread your lips open, offering the others a clear view of her fingers disappearing into your hole, all the while teasing you for being so wet and so desperate for more.  You moaned as she adjusted her pace, speeding up, fucking you hard and fast with her two digits, but it wasn’t enough to get you close to orgasm.   “Please,” you whined after a little while, but Lucy only laughed, continuing to finger you in the same way for a few more strokes before suddenly pulling out.  

Before you could so much as open your mouth to swear, Lucy was pushing something new into you.  Your voice cracked with your moan as she turned the egg on, the vibrations hitting all the spots Lucy hadn’t hit before. You were aware of Lucy kneeling over you as you writhed on the floor, unable to escape the constant stimulation. But, as you drew closer to the edge, it became harder and harder to take in what was happening around you. You were vaguely aware of one of the boys groaning but otherwise you were completely oblivious to the rest of the group, entirely consumed by your cunt and the release you’d so craved washing over you. Even when Gwil stood up aimed his cock at you, rapidly jerking himself until his semen painted your stomach, you barely had any clue it was happening. No one had stopped the egg, no one had slowed it. You gasped Lucy’s name, trying to tell her it was becoming too much but she didn’t answer. It wasn’t her fault though. You were too distracted to notice that Joe had gripped Lucy’s hair and pulled her around to face him. As you clutched at the sheets and wailed to god, Joe was groaning through his own orgasm, one hand holding Lucy in place so that not a drop missed her face. You only became aware that Lucy no longer had the controls when Ben shoved her down and told her to suck on your tits. Whoever had taken the controller from her, or picked it up when she dropped it, was kind enough to slow the vibrations to a less consistent pattern but they didn’t turn it off. Instead you experienced brief moments of piece between the harsh seconds of high intensity vibrations. And on top of that your nipple was enveloped by the warm wet of Lucy’s mouth. Joe’s cum spread from her cheeks and lips to your skin as she mouthed and kissed at every inch of your breasts. It must have made for a nice show because before long Ben was splattering his seed over Lucy’s back as Rami sprayed cum over your neck and into your mouth as you opened it to scream through another orgasm.  

When the egg did stop, you were panting for air. Lucy was on her knees again, facing away from you and giggling as she drew her fingers across her cheek and licked them clean, clearly putting on a show for the boys.   “You guys really must like seeing us be so slutty,” she laughed and you saw Ben and Gwil nod in unison. Gwil was already hard again, slowly stroking himself once more though Ben clearly needed some more time to recover. Sitting up, you glanced around and saw Rami watching you as Joe examined the controls of the egg. An idea had already formed as to how to get some revenge upon Lucy and so you held your finger to your lips before either Rami or Joe could give you away. Joe winked and Rami broke into a smile as you reached out for the discarded vibrator and quietly shuffled towards Lucy, her back still marked with Ben’s cum. Of course, both Ben and Gwil spotted you creeping up but they held their silence, Gwil telling Lucy to open her legs a little wider as if it would help get him off again. She obliged, her focus entirely on his weeping cock as she absentmindedly touched her pussy.   “I know I’m not allowed to touch you,” Gwil said, “but I think it would be alright if you helped me out, don’t you?”  “I suppose that would be okay,” Lucy said, hesitating for half a second before drawing her wet hand away from herself and reaching up to grasp Gwil’s cock.   It gave you the perfect opportunity to close the distance between you and to press the tip of the vibrator against her hole,quickly pushing it in as you turned it on. It didn’t come up against much resistance, wet as she was.   “What the f-oh!” She gasped as you thrust the buzzing toy in and out of her, adjusting the angle until her legs tensed and she moaned. And then you held it there as she dropped her hand and tried to bat you away. You tutted in her ear and told her you were just repaying her for what she’d done to you, beginning to properly fuck her with the toy, keeping it angled to hit whatever spot you’d located that she clearly enjoyed. The sight of you pumping the vibrator into Lucy’s pussy as you reached around to palm at her breasts obviously worked for Ben, his cock getting stiffer before your eyes. You heard Joe and Rami move towards you as well, though you couldn’t see how eagerly they watched as Lucy cried out and came.  You felt very pleased with yourself for about a second before the egg jolted to life inside you again and you matched Lucy’s cry with your own, your hand slipping from the end of the vibrator. It stayed inside Lucy for a little longer, her cunt clenching so hard that it kept the toy in place, but before long it had slipped from her, still buzzing where it lay on the sheets.  Joe still held the controls for the egg and adjusted them constantly, making the egg buzz higher and lower and stop and start so that you were barely feeling it beyond brief bursts of pain tinged pleasure.  “Fuck that was hot,” Gwil grunted, his thumb spreading precum over his tip and down his length, “Both of you sluts looks at me.”  You dragged your eyes up to his cock, watching how his fist sped up as he got closer and closer and then finally came again, making sure to hit you and Lucy’s chests. 

There was a cheer as you felt yourself be manhandled into facing Lucy. She winked at you and bent forward to lick the cum from your tits, keeping it on her tongue so that when she kissed you, you could taste it. It mingled with her saliva and yours, streaked over your lips as Lucy deepened the kiss, making sure her tongue met yours so she could share every drop. What sperm had newly been spread over Lucy’s chest soon smeared across yours as she pulled your in close, your nipples brushing as you got drunk on her kiss. You were still feeling buzzes from the egg inside you though you doubted Joe still had the controller since the pattern was no longer as random. However, Lucy had no toy shoved inside her cunt to keep her on edge. Instead she manoeuvred so that her pussy pressed against your thigh, leaving a wet trail where she dragged it over your skin.   You automatically lay a hand on Lucy’s back to hold you steady, inadvertently spreading the cum that had been left over her.   That did it for Ben who grunted as he dripped more cum over you and Lucy as you made out.  “Go on Luce, pin the whore and grind your cunts together.” Rami suggested, clearly enjoying seeing his girlfriend on top of someone else.   She didn’t need to be asked twice, gladly pressing you to the sheet again and climbing on top.   All you could do was whine at the inconsistent vibrations within you, looking up as Lucy pressed her pussy against yours, their slick mixing as she gyrated her hips. And then you felt it. Lucy had reached for the still on vibrator that had fallen from her. She pressed it between you and at the same moment, whoever now held the controller for the egg vibrator turned it up so that you felt the buzzing from inside and out. You screamed at the combination of sensations, pinned under Lucy and unable to escape.   Lucy was moaning too, getting off on you. And you felt a sticky kind of wetness as Rami’s orgasm landed on your mound. Lucy used her fingers to spread it across her pussy and then continued to grind against you, the white of his release adding to the creamy wetness that already existed from both your cunts.   You were the next to cum, unable to hold off as the egg got louder and faster. And then Joe who didn’t seem too fussed about aiming for either of you. His cum spilt onto the sheets around you but neither of you noticed. You were too busy whining as you once again became overstimulated and Lucy was entirely distracted by her quest for a final orgasm. By the time she reached it you were nearly crying, but thankfully she shook with her well earned climax and then slipped from you to lay on the floor.  

Ben had already zipped himself away and was quick to catch the vibrator and turn it off as whoever had the controls mercifully switched yours off as well.  You hissed when you tried to move, the egg still rubbing the sensitive spot but Ben hushed you and gently removed it from your pulsing pussy.   “Joe, Gwil. D’you guys want to get everyone some water?” He asked, though it wasn’t really a question.  They agreed and you heard their footsteps disappear through the doorway. Once they’d gone, Rami helped Lucy up as Ben helped you, leaning in to kiss your forehead softly.  “Are you both okay?” Rami asked, concern written in his features.  Lucy said yes as you nodded and, satisfied, they assisted you towards the bathroom, letting you each lean against them as you walked slowly.  Ben tried to insist on helping you clean up but you told him it was fine and shut the door so that you and Lucy could run some warm water and clear away the evidence of your debauchery.   Lucy laughed, seeming less worn by the second, as you scrubbed her back clean with a flannel, “That was a lot of fun.”  “Yeah it was. Really glad you suggested it.”  “Good. I was a little worried you wouldn't go for it after last time.”  “Are you kidding? Me and Ben were both kind of wondering if anyone would want to do something like that again. But we didn’t want to just ask for it in case it seemed like that was the only reason we’d want to hang out.”  “Think it’s safe to say everyone would be on board if you ever suggested a dinner party again.”  You laughed too, “Yeah, I think you’re right. 

Rami knocked on the door as you were washing yourselves so he could return your clothes to you and by the time you were both redressed the living room was almost back to normal. The chairs were still rearranged but no one seemed too bothered by it. When the boys realised you and Lucy were coming back, a round of applause broke out. You laughed, a little embarrassed, but gave a bow as if you were completing a performance, Lucy joining in beside you. She made her way to the couch where Rami sat, curling up and laying her head in his lap as she finally relaxed. You found Ben, sure you weren’t going to have the same emotional reaction you’d had to the events of the dinner party but wanting to be near him just in case. He was in an arm chair so you climbed onto his lap, resting your head on his chest as he wrapped his arm around you.   You felt tired and a little sore but very very satisfied and your heart was nearly bursting with how lucky you were to know such a wonderful group of people.   Ben’s hand was warm and heavy where it rested on your side but you didn’t mind. It was comforting. As was the gentle rumble of his chest as he spoke, laughing with Joe about something as if there hadn’t been an interruption 

Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

[astro211]

Developed vs. Underdeveloped traits

Take this with grain of salt. Its not a full list just small descriptions (mostly for fun) Use Sun  Moon  or Rising.

LIBRA

Developed: They are diplomatic and charming people. They can stand on their own and aren’t scared to disagree with someone, because they know how to do so in a respectful manner, and if that person has an issue with it, its okay because libra knows it’s not their problem to fix. They are be polite but more authentic. Certainly the type you can take home to momma. They can create a true balance between things/people. They easily see things from another’s perspective and are great at collaborating with people. They are wonderfully creative and use their creative and romantic abilities to create beautiful connections with other individuals. Low-key mind readers.

Underdeveloped: Can be way too concerned with finding someone to love/having someone love them. They can be dependent and as a result sacrifice authenticity for company. They don’t create real bonds because they may be too agreeable and lack an opinion becoming a mirror of the person/people they are with. They can struggle with the unfairness of the world. They can be shallow, flirtatious and flakey. struggle with being a door-matt. Lack backbone. They say things they think you want to hear. They deeply fear confrontation and are very avoidant and it can create a bad rep. Generally they may be basic and sooo corny. 

SCORPIO

Developed: Fiercely intelligent and their intuition is like a superpower. They can’t be fooled or its not an easy task. They are able to let things go and welcome the changes that come. They transform into something greater. The Phoenix is often referred to with scorpio/pluto. They have a need to change and transform, so they satisfy this by burning away the useless parts of themselves ~even if it’s most of them~ then they are reborn into what is greater and stronger than before. They can get to the root of things and can make for wonderful artists. They know their power (and boy do they have power) and wield it wisely. Charming babes, very perceptive and don’t have time for BS so they keep it real. 

Underdeveloped: Emo babies. They can be way too edgy and people may have to constantly tip toe around them otherwise risking being attacked. This is because underdeveloped scorpio placements can be paranoid, hypersensitive and perceive anything as a personal attack. They don’t know how to deal with the depths of their emotions, resulting in a hypersensitive edge lord that probably can’t handle any sort of lighthearted joke. They perhaps have yet to chop away at the no longer useful parts of themselves and this can result in a self-destructive nature. I predict a tendency towards the ‘fuck it’ mindset which ultimately fucks them over. Intense but in a manner that pushes people away.

SAGITTARIUS

Developed: Glorious sunshine babies who radiate pure joy and deserve to be beloved by all. (Im a sagittarius so I would know;) ). They are honest. They can see the truth for what it is. Even with the cruel realities of the world but they still remain joyful and optimistic. They know when/how to keep their mouths shut. They’re thoughtful and charming. They can see the bigger picture and how beautiful it is and they share that image with those around them, inspiring themselves and others to aim high. They bring up the moods of those around them. Funny and able to roll with the punches. They are fearless and focused. They work hard and their positive outlooks bring them good luck.

Underdeveloped: Blunt. Their honesty can be very misguided and it can create really awkward situations. They can be sooo laid back that they don’t even care about how they impact those around them or even what happens to themselves (similar to scorpios ‘fuck it’ I’ve seen this with both). They can be hotheaded and stubbornly preachy, insisting their way is the only and right way. They exaggerate often because they haven’t developed their inner storyteller. They procrastinate and escape any difficulties because they don’t know how to handle negativity in life. Their escapist nature can make them flakey. Not the best people to lean on because they’ll vanish esp. if they feel like there is too much responsibility on their shoulders.

CAPRICORN

Developed: These babies work hard and they kick ass! They have unstoppable self-care/ compassion for themselves. They don’t fear failure, instead they use it to their advantage and learn from it. They, like sagittarius, look to the future and can see whats possible and as a result they prepare and are very disciplined as they know hard work pays off. They evaluate people and things and easily can determine who and what is worth their time, and are disciplined about not wasting their time energy or resources. Once they decide someone/thing is worthy they are devoted. They are serious at times but its rooted in practicality. 

Underdeveloped: They can be stubborn and struggle to work well with others. Too prideful. They know what needs to be done and they don’t like the idea of other people getting in their way. They can be very cynical and this may skew their visions of the future, for their prepared nature is meant to help them but this may demotivate them instead if they are plagued by self-doubt. Their cold and bitchy when they shouldn’t be. They can be way to serious and constantly be putting a damper on things. Difficulty being open or vulnerable with anyone. They live life alone because its easier and safer than devoting yourself to someone who may stab you in the back and leave you bleeding in the cold. 

AQUARIUS

Developed: These guys are trend setters. Icons. They don’t need anybody’s approval. They change the world. They bring people together. Fearless when they fight for what they believe in. Nothing can hold them back, stares, words of discouragement; they know what they’re doing and not you nor anybody else can stop them. They’re very intelligent. Compassionate as hell and they really love hard. They are the masters of not giving a fuck. They are visionaries. Great leaders. They do their own thing and yeah they probably stand out and are very capable of influencing those around them. Authentic, cool and unforgettable. 

Underdeveloped: Lone wolf. Extreme in a manner that pushes people away. They have to stand out even if its for negative reasons. They distance themselves from other people. They’re too in their head and just observe instead of live. They might do whatever they can to blend in or people please. They want to be part of a group so much it stops them from being an individual OR they consistently keep people at arms length so they feel disconnected from people, and it fuels the idea they’re just too strange and unique for human connection. They may be very contradictory and confusing.

PISCES

developed: Confident, creative compassionate. These folks can create a whole new world and if you’re lucky you’ll be invited in. They have a healing nature/ their positive energy is intoxicating and brings people up. They take care of themselves; they extend their empathy towards themselves /past present future self/ which enables them to take care of themselves. i.e. forgiving past self to move forward// doing things now to help future self. Pisces high levels of sensitivity can make them rather magical. Fantastic artists. Big hearts.

Underdeveloped: Escapists. Cant handle the world, would rather eat, drink sleep, etc.  They isolate and dream but in a damaging way. The world drains them, perhaps because they have yet to emotionally figure out where they end and the world around them begins. They can take on a victim mentality. Lying is another poor energy this sign might lean into. Deception. Laziness. Hypersensitivity. They really need solid boundaries in order to flourish. sure, we all do but Pisces energy is particularly delicate to the energy around them so esp. for this sign.  Directionless and not fully present. 

Part 2

[shiftynightshade]

Cody shifted as General Kenobi gestured to the holo-map, a frown accompanying the crease in-between his eyebrows. The general was discussing tactics and strategies with the dreadful Wilffur Tarkin, and the two were debating over the better battle plan.

(It was arguing really, one-sided as it was.)

‘Well’ Cody mused. ‘Which strategy will allow more Vod’e to walk away alive.’

Tarkin was infamous in the GAR, ruthless in all his plans, and he certainly didn’t care about how many brothers died, and if all of them died but the battle was won, all those deaths were overlooked by everyone.

Except the Jedi.

The Jedi treated them like people, sentient beings with thoughts and feeling, not flesh droids. Called them by their names rather than their numbers, mourned them and loved them.

And Cody’s general, Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Negotiator, was the best of them all.

Tarkins’ oily voice was cold and snide as he leered at Kenobi through the hologram.

“Well, General Kenobi” He spat out their Jedi’s title, which evidently didn’t go unnoticed, if nearly every brother on the bridge bristling in offense was any indication. “It seems that we are yet to meet at a compromise, I shall call at a later date to discuss this again.” With a harsh flick the call was cut.

Under his bucket Cody frowned. He hated the way Tarkin talked or looked at his Jedi. Obi-wan had turned around, a scowl in place of his normal charming smile, and Cody longed to run his thumb over those soft pink lips and kiss them sweetly.

The sudden beeping of the comms nearly made Cody jump. Nearly. Though judging by Waxer and Boils snickering, his brothers still noticed. Fuck.

“Kenobi?” Helixes’ drawl trickled through. “The Jedi healers arrived sir.”

Obi-wan nodded, even if Helix couldn’t see it. “Bring them to the bridge, thank you Helix.” Cody sighed internally, whether it was from relief or anticipation, he wasn’t sure yet. The senate had finally caved and ordered for a Jedi healer to be stationed with major and heavy-hitting battalions to assist and to make sure that those Jedi didn’t get themselves killed or captured as more and more cases of force exhaustion and force coma’s quickly rose among the Jedi.

Cody could still remember Pond’s terrified voice trickling through their comms, his breathing laboured and speech borderline hysterical. Sobbing about how during one of Windu’s worse bouts of force exhaustion and headaches, caused by there being too many shatterpoints had left them vulnerable.

Ponds was clutching his generals lightsaber in both fists, hands trembling and obviously trying to not think about what Dooku and Ventress could’ve been doing to his riduur, and he had refused to let go of the lightsaber until they had finally located and retrieved Windu two months later, the master of the order in a force induced coma and still temple bound.

Cody repressed a shudder. The sheer brokenness in Ponds eyes as he stared at the Korrun’s battered body floating lifelessly in the bacta tank, then later spending every day religiously by his side while holding his hand gently, not caring of the days going by as he sat his protective vigil by the comatose Jedi’s side.

Cody pursed his lips. It’s probably for the better.

Obi-wan’s expression morphed into slight confusion, even if it’ was only a slight narrowing of the eyes.

Cody removed his bucket to rest it on his hip and opened his mouth. “Sir?” He was going to say more, but he was cut off by the door to the bridge opening and a scream of “OBI!” echoing in the room. A blur of cream and blue robes and pinkish red skin rushing past him which quickly turned into a hug like tackle, the blur turning out to be a red-pink Calamari woman in a combined set of cream and blue robes, her shout having quickly drawn the attention of everyone on the bridge.

Obi-wan had looked up at the shout, surprise then joy spreading across is face as the calamari latched onto him like a barnacle from Kamino’s oceans.

Cody felt his eyebrows rise, in curiosity, and when Obi-wan hugged the vibrating stranger back just as tightly, he was pretty sure they were going to fly off his head.

Obi-wan smiled warmly, and for one in a long time, it met his eyes.

“Bant! I didn’t expect you to be assigned to u!”

Head against Obi-wan’s chest, the side of the temple where ears on a human would be rested right over his hears. Crys cleared his throat.

“I’m going to guess that you two know each other?”

Obi-wan gave a rare, but blindingly radiant smile. The two shifted so his and Bant’s arms were wrapped around each other’s shoulders a position Cody was familiar with. It was one of kinship and a way to acknowledge siblings.

Bant giggled. “Obi’s my Clanmate and brother in everything but blood.” Cody blinked.

“Clanmate..?” He ventured. “Is that like the vode’s batchmates?”

For a ridiculous moment Cody thought that would’ve been confused about the concept of batchmates, but her large eyes sparkled and she smiled.

“Exactly! There’s a few differences obviously, but the concept is same!”

Cody gave a small smile at the praise, ignoring Cry’s imploring look.

Suddenly Obi-wan straightened. “Everyone, this is Bant Eerin, she’ll be serving alongside our medics for an unprecedented amount of time.” A shiny whose name Cody has yet to learn raised their hand.

Obi-wan nodded at the shiny. “Yes..?” the prompt for their name went unsaid. They shifted on the spot. “Ace sir.” He tapped his fingers against his yet to be painted armour. “If you don’t mind me asking, but what’s different about clanmates?”

Bant smiled. “Great question Ace! Clanmates are like a Jedi initiates family until they are picked by a master, and then they join that lineage’s family.”

She bumped her shoulder against Obi-wan’s with a small grin. “It’s up to an individual whether or not they still consider their clanmates family or not.”

She fiddled with a necklace, the rope and pendant barely noticeable under her robes. “Sometimes a Jedi will switch masters, whether because they requested a change or something happens to the master, then you will be considered apart of two different lineages.”

Obi-wan grinned and nodded. “Does that answer your questions Ace?”

The clone nodded bashfully, a small smile and a soft blush making its way onto his face.

Crys leaned against a console with his arms crossed, but swiftly raised a hand. Obi-wan nodded over at him. “Yes Crys?”

Crys stared at the two Jedi with thinly veiled curiosity, and on the excited shifting from the rest of the Vod’e, they were just as excited to learn.

“What did General Eerin mean by if a Jetti shiny requests a new master?” They all knew what ‘if something happened to the master’ meant. Too incapacitated to teach and raise, or dead.

Bant’s eyes grew sad, while Obi-wan closed his eyes. “If,” Bant began, a mix of grief and anger swirling in her eyes. “-A padawan requests a new master, an investigation is launched immediately for why they want a change.”

Obi-wan took over. “There has been only a few cases of abuse, but they still exist, some instances a master had declining physical or mental health. And both have agreed that it would be safer and more beneficial for both to part ways.”

Obi-wan grew quiet. “And there has only been a handful of time where the master has fallen to the darkside.”

The bridge grew quiet at that. Cody hadn’t seen a Jedi that had fallen outside of Dooku, but he’s heard stories, tales of how they became a shell of their former selves. He shuddered at the idea of an ad’ika happened to be with them…

And Cody dreaded the idea of his general falling. Pale skin splashed with the blood of innocents, Jedi and Vod’e alike, warm blue-green eyes taken over by a cold, molten gold that boiled with rage and hate. His blue lightsaber, usually a blazing symbol of hope and safety, instead replaced with red, a symbol of fear and darkness.

Cody let out a breath. He and the rest f his brothers would rather be cut down or eat their own blasters than fight against their general.

“-Ways Bant, do you need any directions or do you want to go straight to the med-bay?”

Cody jerked out of his head, eternally grateful that he had put his bucket back on.

Bant and Obi-Wan had turned to face each other. Bant smirked. “Are you saying you’re willing to go to med-bay with me?” The bridges occupants collectively held their breaths.

Bant hummed. “Sixty-six seconds Obi, better start running.” Cody watched in amusement as a few clones cheered or yelled out “go general!” as he dashed down the hall, and Cody managed to catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan kicking a vent covering open and leaping into the vents just as the covering fell back into place.

Sixty-six seconds later and Bant stood from where she was sitting and cleared her throat. “Alright, boys!”

She grinned. “Who wants to help me hunt down a rogue patient?”

Cody grinned as Crossbones cheered from his spot next to Crys.

[darktimesdarkvibes]

Yandere!Taecyeon (2PM) Headcanons

July 11, 2021 | 1,561 words

Series masterlist

Assumes reader is an adult, but includes for if you have an age gap

Taec's is the darkest post in this series (but there's still far darker yandere posts out there, so just take the tws into account)

Gender-neutral reader I think

tw: age gap, toxic behavior, mention of non-con kiss, short depiction of non-con cuddling, intimidation, restraint, manhandling, gaslighting mention, manipulation, kidnapping, murder, yandere (which is basically thinking you are "in love" with someone but actually you should see a psychiatrist and that's really not a joke. This character trope can become very sick and violent and abusive at their worst, though I tend to go for the softer variety. They are often possessive, over-protective, delusional, etc.)

I don’t believe Taecyeon is actually like this nor do I condone the unhealthy behaviour in this post

Taecyeon is a pretty traditional yandere

Doesn't care a whole lot about an age gap. He likes who he likes at the end of the day

It will give him pause if you are around ten years apart but he gets over it quickly

Protective but also very possessive in certain situations

Gaslighter and manipulator as well

Feels like he's the only one who really "gets" you and vice-versa, and tells you so repeatedly

He’d like you see his strength as something he’ll use to protect you, and he doesn’t want to hurt you

But in a pinch he’ll use it to intimidate you if necessary

Overall he just wants you to remain aware that he’s just a much larger and stronger individual than average, especially as odds are you are not built like him

(Although on the off-chance you are, my reader, that’ll just make him try even harder with you to achieve a similar effect)

He likes that you remember his strength and size, because he hopes it will make you realize that you are safer with him than without him

It gives him a bit of a thrill that you know he's bigger than you

And even if he denies to himself that part of the reason he wants you to recognize it is it might intimidate you, and therefore make you “stay in line”, that is a potential benefit and he knows it

However whenever you acknowledge it he loves it

Especially if you mention how he could probably beat another guy in a fight or protect you, he gets feels warm in his chest and gets excited all at once

He knows he's hot and uses it from day one

Going off of that point and the points about safety and intimidation and all that from above, he’s going to make sure you see him shirtless. Like, live and in-person

He’s going to try to make it happen when you are alone together as well

This is both to amplify the effects mentioned above, and to push more intimacy into your relationship, even if you are not officially romantically involved yet

He won't limit it to one time either

He wants you to see him

Overall tries really hard to make you laugh though too

Acts very sweet/cute until he's not (more on that later)

A very touchy boyfriend, he always wants to be holding hands or standing/sitting as close to you as possible

Actually he automatically puts an arm around you, unless you demote him to hand-holding for some reason

Even if it seems like a situation where that would be inappropriate

He especially does this in public, so even though he’s confident he’s not immune to territoriality

Even if you do have an age gap, he doesn't have that "parental" vibe that Minjun and Nickhun sometimes have

It feels more like you two are on a similar level bc he's so goofy

But if he just so happens to have helpful experience then he will offer some guidance, so if you have an age gap it may happen occasionally

It just has a less parental vibe and more of the typical “senior-in-life” or “friend’s older brother” kind of vibe

Flirts quite physically even before dating, and comes off as kind of cocky

Quite forward and persistent, and likes to fluster you a bit if possible

Which is another reason why he'll make sure you see him shirtless

But he also wants you to happily reciprocate his attention

He also just touchy with you in general though, even before you are dating and when he’s not really flirting

Doesn’t stalk you so much, but when you are in the same room (which he makes sure happens as often as possible) he is always watching you, to the extent that you might well pick up on it

He will stalk you though if he has gone a long time without seeing you (it's got to be a couple times a week at the very very least)

He also will if he is having a rough day and you're firm that you can't hang out with him (otherwise he's been known to tag along while you are just running errands because he is so attached to you)

If he hasn't seen you for a while he gets sulky

Gets visibly angry and more impulsive if someone messes with you

If they intend to harm you or if they actually do harm you then they’re totally fucked

He’s going to kill them, but first he’ll scare them and make them suffer

But because he’s pissed he ends up killing them pretty quickly

He just can't stand the sight of them and he wants them gone

He won't go that far with just anyone, because he's pretty confident that he should be your first choice in a mate, but when he's pushed he'll do it

Like if someone just flirts with you a little then he’ll just step in and get rid of them, then he’ll forget about them

But if they make you actually uncomfortable or worse, then they’re dead

Overall his thinking regarding you can get kind of primal

Hence why I used the word "mate" before

It’s his own word choice

That’s really another core reason he wants you to see his strength

He wants to show off that he should be your first pick

He’s also more likely to kidnap you

Will use force to restrain you if necessary and possible, and again it’s not a bad deal for him if he can be physically very close to you while simultaneously reminding you that he’s stronger than you

It's not even so much overpowering you itself that he likes, because he wants you to be happy

He's just got a weird fixation

He's also a weird kidnapper though because he’ll be trying to keep the atmosphere really light and fun as if you aren’t being held captive

He’ll make jokes and suggest games to play

He also doesn’t feel super guilty about it because he probably feels justified

Perhaps you found out he killed one or more people for you, so he didn't see another option

Or you were going to leave him

Even if he's not very guilty, he’ll still be upset that you’re upset though, and will be wanting Stockholm Syndrome or something to kick in, both for his benefit and so you're happier

He’s a bit impatient and frustrated by the wait, but he doesn’t really take it out on you

Might force a kiss or two over the course of your early relationship, but no more than that

Especially if you clearly don't want it, he'll back off on that and may switch to forehead kisses

He may also force some cuddles. For example, some spooning as you’re tied to a bed

He’s totally calm and blissfully asleep with his arm around you, and all you can hear is his even breathing and perhaps some light snoring

Meanwhile you are in a fight-flight-freeze response, until you are finally so exhausted that you fall asleep

But then you wake up and he really hasn't done anything to you

He really did just want to cuddle

So it is pretty confusing for you, which will probably work in his favor

If you are off your guard and confused, then it’s easier for him to manipulate you

He may also put on a movie and cuddle with you while you are restrained, and act like nothing is amiss. He'll be all laughter and smiles and will act very innocent and soft with you in his arms

Which is again confusing

If you give him attitude or struggle, then he'll either try to soothe you or he'll be firm with you to restrain you

"Hey! Hey... It's okay, I won't hurt you..."

Or,

"Stop that. You know it won't get you anywhere."

He forces cuddles because first of all, he wants to. But also because he thinks it might help you get used to him and your new situation

Because there’s no way he’s just letting you out of it

When you express that you want to leave, he may well belittle you a bit by treating what you want as a joke

Because really in his point of view it's laughable that you would leave

"Come on, you know you're not allowed!" he says with a smile

But if you keep it up he'll get firmer

"You know that's not gonna happen."

So he’s a little bit delusional and unstable

First time together:

For your first time together he's gentle but he's firm

So somehow you simultaneously feel safe, but it goes without saying that he's the one in control

He's leading you where you need to go, and he may well even place your hands for you on his body

Or pin them down

He will never do anything you don't want, but he likes to take the lead and show some physical power and have his weight over you

Pretty much anything wild you wanna do in the future he's probably up for

Very open to suggestions

But he wants to remain in-control

That’s non-negotiable

Good dirty talk

“Yeah just like that baby”

“I make you feel good, right?”

Overall the man is fucked up but in a hot way

[threeminutesoflife]

Have You Any Wool?

Pairings: Ransom Drysdale x Reader Warning: 18+, dub/con, manhandling/rough sex, breath play/choking, unprotected sex Summary: Engagement dinner with Ransom doesn't go as planned Word Count: 3.2k

The car ride home was silent, tense. The car bounced causing Ransom to grumble when it caught the edge of a pothole. One more thing that was surely your fault.

Ten more minutes passed until Ransom broke the silence by revisiting the earlier accusation, “You were flirting with him. Might as well have pulled your top down when talking to that fucking prick.”

“If I exposed my tits every time I talked to a prick, I’d constantly be topless around you.”

Ransom shot you a glare as the car whipped the curve out of the city and down a remote road, “It’d be safer for you to only be concerned about my prick.”

Your fingers dug into the car door as he straightened out the vehicle, “What did you-”

“Smarter. It’d be smarter for you to only be concerned about me- and my huge prick.”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you- there was no flirting.”

“Could have fucking fooled me with those exchanges tossed around.”

“What the hell, Ransom, you’re ridiculous. There were no secret coded exchanges. Nothing said was of value.”

“Sure. Nothing. Whatever you say.” You didn’t have to look at your boyfriend to know he rolled his eyes at least twice when spitting out those words.

“What is wrong with you? Whatever untrue scene you cooked up in your crazy head- knock it off.”

Ransom scoffed out your name, “I know what I fucking saw.”

“Oh my god-“

“No, I’m Ransom. Your boyfriend,” his eyes staying on the road as he spoke heatedly at you, “but I know how you’ve recently become confused on our roles to each other. So let me break it down- really fucking simply for you. I don’t loan my toys out for others to play with.”

“Fucking hell, Ransom-“

“Hugh… I think, I’ll have you address me as Hugh from now on.”

Taking your beaded clutch, you smacked Ransom’s bicep, “How about I call you ‘asshole’ and tell you to lose my number!”

Ransom growled and grabbed your purse as he weaved along the isolated lane. Taking the clutch, he smacked your thigh in return and tossed it out his window.

You screeched seeing your belongings fly across the wooded night sky, “Are you insane?! Pullover! Pullover right the fuck now! Everything I have is in there!”

Ransom pressed down harder on the gas pedal, propelling you back against your seat. “You have me- that’s all that fucking matters. Fran can play fetch and get it tomorrow.”

“You can’t just order her- Ugh- Pull over right now, Ransom! Goddammit, you’re unbelievable! I need my keys, my phone, my fucking wallet! It’s all in there, you asshole!”

Ransom only picked out one thing from your rant, “I’m the asshole? What kind of grade A bullshit are you feeding yourself to believe that? You were the one flirting with someone in right front of me. I don’t need to be in this relationship, you know. Plenty of people want me.”

Your eyes narrowed at that, “Then let me out here if that’s how you really feel, asshole.”

Ransom ignored your challenge and the look you shot him to smugly add, “Besides, seems like you’re up shit’s creek without a paddle. No keys? Guess you need me pretty fucking badly now.”

He squeezed your thigh and slid he hand down closer to the apex of your thighs.

“Are you crazy?” You pushed his hand away and pressed your knees together tightly. “Are you seriously getting off on being a complete shitwad to me? And- hey asshole, look at me- he was the waiter. The waiter. He asked if we wanted dessert. Meaning you and me, Ransom- not him and me. With your sweet tooth, of course I asked about the dessert options! For you, Hugh.”

You flipped his car’s heater on with more force than necessary. Really at this point, all you wanted to do was smash every button and rearrange all his settings into chaos. “All this fighting, you’d think the rage would keep me warm. But no, it’s freezing in here!”

“Maybe try wearing more clothes and not letting your nips slip out to random men.” Ransom flipped the heater off with a smirk, “Should have brought a sweater.”

“I hope you fucking choke on your sweater,” You mumbled as you crossed your arms over your chest, feeling cold and vulnerable.

Ransom arched an eyebrow at your wish and internally gloated when you ran your hands over your arms, trying to warm up.

You refused to acknowledge him, keeping your eyes pointed out the window. “Just take me home. I know you keep my spare key on you.”

Ransom smacked the steering wheel in annoyance with how the evening went, making you slightly flinch.

He had been anxious all day and well-aware he was acting like a dick to you at the moment. But the untouched ring box in his coat pocket felt too heavy for him to speak kindly to anyone tonight, even you.

Ransom had been nervous since picking up the archaic piece of jewelry. A feeling that left him sneering at a weak characteristic of humanity. He wasn’t a soft individual, but he wasn’t as abrasive around you.

He knew he wanted you as soon as you met and rejected him, only then to turn around and tell him to meet you in the restroom at the charity event. He walked in expecting to receive a blowjob and gift you with a beaded necklace. Instead, he was surprised and became more aroused when you lifted up your gown and instructed him to get on his knees and press his lips to yours.

He had this night planned for a long time- the setting, the restaurant, little details ironed and starched out. But when he arrived at the perfect restaurant, he was quickly pulled aside- as perfect you was led away to the perfect table- and was quietly informed that the perfect waiter, who he perfectly coached to ensure the perfect timing, was perfectly out sick.

The stand-in waiter was a shit show, and Ransom was convinced the guy couldn’t even shit in a pile.

Besides being on edge all night from his nerves, Ransom was now on edge from the imbecile who couldn’t time the courses correctly and wouldn’t stop talking to you like you were friends playing twenty questions.

It felt like he was watching the waiter attempt to speed date you, every time circling around your seat with more questions. What are your side dish preferences, would you like more cheese, how about more pepper, would you like your glass refilled?

Were you actually flirting with the waiter? No, you were being a polite customer. But at that point of the night, all Ransom could focus on was the wasted time he spent on the preparations and his perfect proposal going down a perfectly shit-filled toilet.

But then as negativity was drowning Ransom’s thoughts, you did that thing only you could do.

You knew something was wrong with Ransom without having to ask. You took his hand across the table and gave it a light squeeze. A tilt of your head as you bit your lip and smiled endearingly at him. He felt your thumb rub the back of his hand, each graze softer than the last. He felt the sincerity in your smile and saw the concern in your eyes. You treated him in a way that was far better than he deserved- a way he didn’t know he wanted to be treated until meeting you.

And this was it. This was the moment he planned for.

You cemented it with that serene look of adoration for him.

This was right, this was perfect.

He gave a crooked smile and thumbed his pocket for the ring box. Clearing his throat, he softly said your name. Almost too softly, because you half-laughed and looked at him with a look of cute confusion. He held your hand just a little bit tighter, a little bit more desperate. He leaned in closer from across the table and-

The waiter came back and interrupted the moment by asking about dessert. As you pulled your hands away from Ransom, you smiled politely at the waiter. Ransom felt you and your obvious answer of yes slip away from him. And he was pissed.

As the ring grew cold again in the velvet box, he vowed with every bite of the overpriced, sickly-sweet dessert he’d never eat here again.

Ransom shook his head at the tension refilling the car. The ring still stashed away in his coat pocket, teasing him with how it wasn’t warming on your finger.

The ring was still cold, but his annoyance and sweater kept him plenty warm.

He’d make up for the fight later. You were his. You’d forgive him, you always did. But first, finding a small amount of humor in his ill-aimed anger, he turned the air conditioning on. Before you could protest, Ransom flipped on the radio and raised the volume to drown out the inevitable sound of your chattering teeth.

Shifting in your seat to find a comfortable spot, you kicked off your heels. Debating which was worse- cold feet or sore feet? Biting your tongue at Ransom’s childish air conditioning antics, you weren’t about to address him more than you’d have to. You were annoyed with yourself for agreeing to eat at this out-of-the-way restaurant, and even more annoyed at yourself for losing your purse to your and Ransom’s tempers.

---

“This is not my house, Ransom,” you weren’t surprised to see he only drove where he wanted to go.

“Get out, we’re having makeup sex.”

You kept your arms crossed in annoyance and didn’t move. “Wow, so romantic. Hugh Ransom Drysdale, everyone- the last true Renaissance man.”

Ransom inhaled deeply, half-amused and half-not at your dry sense of humor, “Grab your shoes or leave'em, I really don’t care. But your ass is going to be out of this car and cupped in my fucking hands within the next five minutes.”

“I am too fucking cold for these games, Hugh. Some asshole kept the air conditioner on and wouldn’t lend me a sweater. You want us to stop fighting? Fine, we’ve stopped. But we are not fucking. Now take me home.”

“We are home. Get out or I’ll move you, y/n.”

Something about Ransom’s tone made your legs flex and your knees press together. He knew it would draw a reaction from you, it always did. You sat up straighter, your core awaking at the thought of him manhandling and manipulating your body into various positions.

Smugness twisted in Ransom’s smile as he undid your seatbelt, “Look at you rubbing those thighs together, baby. You whine about going home but we both know you’re only going to end up in my bed. If we even make it that far.”

Ransom slammed the driver's door closed and came around to your side as you tried to downplay your interest and focus on your annoyance with him instead.

He opened your door and rested against it, “Out. Before I help you.”

You grabbed a high heel from the floor and pointed it at Ransom with each word, “Leave. Me. Alone.”

Ransom dove at you, grabbing you roughly out of the car, “You’re pissing me off, y/n.”

You yelped when he flung you over his broad shoulder, your stomach pressed painfully into him.

“And I have to say, I fucking like it,” Ransom smacked your ass and kicked the car door close.

The high heel abandoned on the ground as he made his way into the house with you.

He kneaded your freshly spanked cheek, only to smack it again, “Keep screaming. Make a scene. I know you’re wet and ready.”

Ransom dropped you on the bed to bounce about as he took off his sweater and dropped it behind you on the mattress. “Strip.”

Your eyes dart over Ransom’s chest and up to his eyes. You were still miffed with his attitude tonight, but when he became forceful and unpredictable like this- you couldn’t wait for the release.

Ransom kicked your knees apart and stepped one leg in between your open thighs. “I know, my girl. Fuck, I can smell my girl. Strip before I rip it off you.”

You jumped up and caught his face in your hands, crashing your lips against his. Teeth, tongue, bitten lips, all clashing over his; the desperation and hunger for it all felt more like a tactical advance than a romantic gesture.

Ransom pulled away first and chuckled darkly, “It’s always a sexual rollercoaster with you.”

His fingers snaked across the top of your sweetheart neckline and he slid two fingers underneath the material. He kept his eyes on yours as he slowly dipped his fingers up and down along your smooth skin.

Moving his fingers over your clavicle and up your neck, he laid them across your lips as you opened your mouth. Your tongue darted out, circling and wetting his fingers, anticipating him to insert his fingers in your mouth as you parted your lips more.

But he pulled away surprising you, and moved them back down to the top of your dress. Dipping his fingers between your cleavage, the cool air hit your skin along the wet trail he left.

“You’re a stubborn little tease, baby. Now, what did I tell you to do?” His hand came out from the top of your dress to grip the delicate material. Ransom jerked you close to him and bent his knee, your core hitting against his thigh as you stumbled into his chest.

Your eyes closed at the contact, your clit eager for more friction and attention. Biting your lip, you decided to change his command slightly and started undoing his belt. Ransom’s hips jolted out towards you as you tugged the leather lose. His grin widened when you tossed it on the floor and dipped your hands in his boxers.

Reaching behind you, he unzipped your dress. The tips of his fingers lingered down your spine. Ransom leaned into your neck, his teeth slowly nipped and his lips gently bruised your skin as his fingers dug into your hips. The dress pooled around your ankles, his pants followed. You stripped each other bare, a veil of soft intimacy hung around you both.

You cupped Ransom’s cheek with a soft smile, “Hi.”

A furrow started in his brow at your voice and before you had time to think, you were taken by surprise.

Ransom shoved you backwards, disliking the tenderness only you brought out in him.

Your head snapped against the mattress as your legs fell open, pussy glistening. Startled by his abruptness, you shouted out, “Asshole.”

“Oh, we’ll revisit that area again, princess- but I have something planned for you first.”

Ransom grabbed your ankles and yanked you across the bed to him. Gripping your hips, he flipped you over onto your stomach. He ignored your protests and slapped your bottom, sending a jolt through you.

Ransom’s hands ran up the back of your legs, his thumbs dipped between the apex of your wet thighs.

He moved his slick-coated thumbs along the crease of your cheeks, “Go on, keep crying wolf, baby. We both know you like it.”

His words made you involuntarily lift your ass off the bed, welcoming him to tease you more. Pulling you up to his chest, Ransom dropped his arms around the front of your waist and rocked his erection against your ass.

His lips ghosted your ear, his long fingers teased your clit, “Turn over, lay down. You’re going to like this.”

Breaking away from Ransom you dropped to all fours but didn’t refused to move further, and watched him spit and stroke himself over your shoulder.

He looked down at you, an eyebrow raised at your delay, “Fucking stubborn. Fine, I’ll make sure you love this.”

Ransom jumped at you, grabbing your shoulder and collaring your neck. He twisted you over onto your back and pressed his weight into your chest. His hold tightened around your neck and your knees fell apart inviting him closer to your core.

“So beautiful, aren’t you?” He lined himself up to your entrance. “So fucking sure of yourself,” he groaned as he felt you stretch around him. “So fucking sure-”

He pressed his fingers harder into the column of your throat as he pushed himself deeper into you, “I won’t hurt you, much.”

One of your legs hooked around his waist, both of your arms around his torso as he dragged himself in and out of you. You concentrated on your breathing and the chaotic fluttering in your core.

Every push into you, Ransom held your throat tighter; every pull away from you, he loosened his grip.

“You still cold, baby?” Ransom mocked and rolled his hips deep into you.

A mangled moan and a hard press of your heel on his ass was your reply.

“Here,” Ransom rocked back on his heels, pulling you back with him and down onto his cock with a tilt. “Let me warm you up some more.”

His knees dug into the mattress while your bottom was suspended in the air, each ass cheek in Ransom’s hands while your legs were wrapped high around his waist. He watched himself slide in and out of you, glistening. Your moans filled the room and nails bit into his forearms as you matched each other’s pace.

“Fuck.. Ransom..” You patted wildly. “Oh my god...”

He rolled his hips and snapped into you harder, arrogance and pleasure rolling off him.

Keeping himself inside you, Ransom dropped your bottom and bridged himself over you, his arms caging you under him, “Gotta get you warmer, baby.”

Without slowing his pace, he reached for the discarded sweater with one hand and looped it around your neck.

He felt your pussy clench as he made the knot. Your whimper cut off as Ransom tightened the wool sleeve around your throat.

With one hard yank on the sweater, he dove himself deeper in your pussy. Your cervix hurt but you were never wetter.

“That’s it, baby,” Ransom murmured above you, watching your reactions, all your tells, as he fucked you faster. “Fuck! Can feel you trying to milk my cock. So.. close.”

The sweater knotted in his hand as he braced his weight on his elbows. A tighter twist with a dirty roll of his hips. Your ankles locked above his ass as he slammed you over the edge.

“Right there, baby,” Ransom cupped your face, twisted the sweater tighter and roared, “RIGHT... THE... FUCK… THERE!”

Your mouth fell open and vision whitened as you shattered around him, your cunt convulsing and squeezing him. Ransom loosened the sweater and grabbed your face as he rutted into you.

His rhythm lost as he kissed your cheeks and brought you back to him, “So good, baby. My fucking girl.”

You pulled his lips to yours and swallowed his moans as he found his own release in you.

---

Ransom climbed back in bed, the sounds of your steady breathing filled the room as he nestled himself behind you. He pulled your back closer to his chest and slipped his leg between yours. Pressing his thigh against your core, he smirked feeling his dried release still staining your skin. Tomorrow morning, you would notice the ring on your finger. But by then, it would be warm on your skin and remain there. It didn’t matter to Ransom that he hadn’t asked you, you were his.

[borom1r]

💕 ✨💎💢🎥🏳‍🌈 + Saw (all the Saw movies you enjoy if you want)

I’ll just do th franchise as a whole instead of individually shfhdh

✨ what draws you towards your hyperfixation? what is interesting about it?

ITS COMPLEX and not in like a “oooo jigsaw is RIGHT” way but a Everyone Kind Of Fucking Sucks, At Least A Little way and a Nobody Is Morally Superior way. I like seeing fucked up little bastards go thru hell and then when I like them a lot but they died I like pretending that Didn’t happen and making them kiss other fucked up little bastards like I’m playing with the world’s worst barbies

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

yeeee i LOVE!!!!!!! LOVE when Eric is chasing Amanda thru the tunnels im sorry that’s so sexy. same when he’s beating John to death in 2. there’s nothing morally wrong with violence against serial torturers in fact he deserves sloppy for it. (half joking)

um for a serious answer tho: obvs the end of 1 where your forehead is pressed against mine. also when u lock Hoffman up in 3D. mmmmnn the scene in 2 where we see Eric thru the cage and he’s struggling w/ himself, and when earlier he calls Daniel. any time in IV where Art grabs his waist to explain things. the water cube scene just for the imagery

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

HI I FEEL LIKE U HAVE ALL HEARD ME SAY THESE THINGS ALREADY but it’s been a lil too long since I just talked abt Lawrence..

Lar makes me insane he is so layered and everyone who is upset about him becoming a jigsaw disciple makes me. rhrhfudufhdhf WHAT. that man was fully intending on just sitting in the dark doing nothing until Adam woke up if u take away his structure he crumbles and guess what John did! ripped it away and said “look, I have a newer, shinier, Better structure” so OFC Lawrence was like. Yes Please! ofc he was. he is a sad little man he is the prettiest dilf in the whole world i want to pick him up and shake him like a ragdoll. he contains MULTITUDES and some of those multitudes are just being a weird fucking gremlin during group therapy. I love him for it.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

YES I HAVE. A LOT. i will just link th post lol: here!

💎 are there any fun facts or trivia that you would like to share?

HMMM. YEA where do i. even START.

1) the original RBT in SAW 0.5 was fully functional and made of metal. as in it probably could’ve killed someone; the one Shawnee wears was also fully functional in that it opens and legitimately could explode a styrofoam head, but was much lighter and much much safer

2) Cary got stuck in his shackle one day. props used the wrong pin and couldn’t get it back open skfjdh

3) the needles in the needle pit? about 50% real, 50% CG. needles removed obviously, and filled with ranch dressing I believe

4) almost every character in the nerve gas house can be seen in/around Jill’s clinic at some point in one of the other films. I BELIEVE it’s only Daniel + Laura who don’t cameo, but I’m not 100% sure

5) about 75% of the time we see Eric in IV, it’s not actually Donnie. very funny to listen to the director’s commentary while Darren points out each time it’s Not Donnie— they only got him on set for a day

6) additionally, the rat scene wasn’t part of the script, that was just Donnie fucking around + Darren liked it so much he kept it

7) the majority of the traps in IV were fully functional! the mausoleum trap was legit, the ice blocks were real, the scalping seat was real and was intended to be entirely practical but they couldn’t get the scalp application to look right so THAT had to be CG (the chair was still real!), the motel room trap was real! fucked up!

8) very little of the SFX in V was digital. specifically the ones you’d expect— Charles’ corpse was a practical effect, as was Mallick’s arm! it was a fully articulated prosthesis!

9) they didn’t use stunt doubles or CG for the water cube, that was ALL Scott Patterson in a metal box with a team of effects people on standby. the front + back panels were hinged, so they’d roll until he gave the signal + said team would rush in, release both panels and drain the water. I think one of my fav bts pics ever is of Scott with a snorkel so they could fill the cube back up before rolling lol

10) 3D was supposed to be 2 movies but bc V sucked nobody saw VI, it tanked too and Lionsgate said fuck this shit + smashed it into one movie. which is why it feels like such a clusterfuck. somewhere out there is a Lionsgate exec who I plan on personally breaking their kneecaps for this. we got stuck with Jigsaw and Spiral because of that asshole and they WILL pay.

💢 what do you NOT like about your hyperfixation? is there something you would want to change about it?

i do not like the fandom. don’t get me wrong I have a lot of complaints abt the series as a whole particularly how it treats women and I think in general it is not nearly as good past the first two as people give it credit for. 3 is a horrible movie imho but god forbid you dislike it/prefer anything after it. but overall I think it’s a franchise you cannot take seriously bc if you do it’s like beating your head against a brick wall. I love it so much but it’s quite literally Not That Deep. it is the same level as John’s cult bullshit it sounds complex but really it’s like. Ok Grandpa Let’s Get You To Bed :)

anyways i don’t think I have any followers here who didn’t also follow my old blog so i feel comfortable saying Yea, I remade bc of ppl in the saw fandom w/ zero comprehension of fiction vs reality and god I don’t mean that in a proship way I mean that in a “just because I like a fictional rancid man doesn’t mean I base my entire morality around excusing his actions.” no I’m not openly critical of my interests bc it’s exhausting and I come here to be a mentally ill faggot on main not write essays defining why he’s Horrible, Actually. tiresome.

anyways saw becoming popular was a mistake

[bigoltrashpile]

Hiya! If requests are still open, may I request the boys (individually) giving aftercare to a s/o after they call out the safe word? Please try to keep everything gender neutral if possible! Thank you!

Of course!  I’ll put this under a cut, even though there won’t be anything explicit, because ya know...........................sexy times.  These are gonna be fairly short too, so don’t expect like, a whole one shot for each of them

Mafiatale Sans: As soon as the word left your mouth, Sans stopped everything.  He pulled away, leaving you surprisingly empty.  “shit, are ya okay?” he asked, obviously scared.  “did i hurt ya?  s-shit, i-i knew i shouldn’t’ve-”

“Sans!” you said quickly.  “It’s okay, it’s not your fault, just...I got uncomfortable, a-and I don’t know why.  It wasn’t you, I-I just...”  A few tears pricked your eyes.  “Can we stop for the night?”

“of course we can,” Sans said without hesitation.  “here, lemme get ya cleaned up, an’ we can just cuddle for a bit.”  You nodded, and he helped you get out of bed and led you to the bathroom.  As he helped you clean up, despite what had happened earlier, you had never felt safer.

Mafiatale Papyrus: Papyrus had already stopped at the look of pain on your face, but you still called out the safeword anyway.  “OH NO, Y/N!  I AM SO SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO HURT YOU!” he gasped, tears welling up in his eyes.  “I-I DIDN’T MEAN TO, P-PLEASE FORGIVE ME!”

“Of course I do!” you panted.  “I could...never stay mad at you.  I just...I just need to stop.”

Papyrus smiled shakily.  “O-OF COURSE, I KNEW THAT!  MY ENORMOUS DONG WAS TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO HANDLE!  I NEED TO BE MORE GENTLE!”

You laughed a bit at his completely serious face.  “That’s right!  My body can’t handle your greatness!”

“IT IS THE CURSE OF BEING BLESSED WITH SUCH A GENEROUS SIZE,” he sighed dramatically, smile much more genuine now.  “NOW!!  AS YOUR BOYFRIEND, I MUST PROVIDE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT!!!”

You smiled.  “That’s good, you’re...you’re the best, Papyrus.”

Mafiaswap Sans (Lucky): Lucky was always very serious about safewords, especially when you were trying something new, like tonight.  He had you in a bit more extreme bondage, and had ordered you to say the safeword if you felt even the tiniest bit of discomfort.

Well, you figured that your arm going numb probably qualified.

No sooner was the safeword out of your mouth that Lucky had grabbed the scissors on the bedside table and cut your bonds.  His handsome, boyish face was full of worry, obviously terrified that he had hurt you.  “MY DEAR, WHAT’S WRONG?”

“M-my arm...I can’t feel it,” you whimpered.

Lucky frowned and summoned a bit of healing magic, running his hand all over your arm.  As he massaged your muscles, you could feel sensation coming back, brought to life both by the movement and the magic.

Once you were fully healed, Lucky let his hands fall to the side.  “IS THAT BETTER?” he asked as he wiped some sweat off his brow.  “CAN YOU FEEL YOUR FINGERS?”

You flexed your hand.  You could, if you didn’t know any better, you wouldn’t have guessed that something went wrong.  “Much better, thank you so much!”

He sighed.  “THANK THE STARS.  COME HERE.”  He pulled you into a hug, squeezing you close to his broad chest, before falling sideways onto the bed.  “Let’s Just...Let’s Just Rest For Now,” he whispered.

That was an order you were happy to follow.

Mafiaswap Papyrus (Slim): Slim was such a loving boyfriend, he was the best!  In bed, though, despite how he looked, he could get...pretty rough.  Not in a kinky way, but more that he lost control of himself.

Now was one of those times, when Slim was pounding inside you so deep and hard that it would normally feel good, but not tonight for some reason.  Tonight, it just hurt.

“B-blue stop sign!” you yelped.

Immediately, Slim gasped and pulled out, making you wince.  “fuck, honey, i-i’m so sorry, are ya okay?  did i hurt ya?”

You winced.  “A-a little bit.  But it’s not serious!” you added quickly.  “It just...didn’t feel good, for some reason.”

“fuck, i’m so sorry,” he whispered.  “we don’t have to keep goin’.  c’mere, i got a bath ready before we started, it’ll still be warm.”  He picked you up and gently carried you to the bathroom, murmuring apologies and comfort.

Stars, even when he was a bit too rough, he was still so sweet.

Mafiafell Sans (Butch): When you and Butch had sex, it was always so much fun!  Well, almost always.  Sometimes, you just...couldn’t.

When you got in those moods, Butch always told you to tell him, but you felt bad.  After all, he had his needs too, and he deserved to feel good!  It always seemed like he could tell when you were faking it, but he rarely said anything.

At least, until you said the safeword.

As soon as you did, he stopped, pulling away from you.  “shit, are ya okay, doll?  did i hurt ya?”

“N-no,” you stammered.  “I-I just...”  Tears welled up in your eyes.  “I don’t want it right now, I’m so sorry!”

“no, don’t feel sorry, doll,” he said gently.  “i get it, ya ain’t horny all the time, heh.”

“Yeah, but I still feel bad...”

“no, don’t,” he said sternly, but still gentle.  “i told ya to safeword whenever ya need it, so don’t be sorry for doin’ that.”

You sighed.  “I guess you’re right.”

“i am,” he nodded.  “now c’mere.  lemme make ya feel a bit better.”

Mafiafell Papyrus (Noir): Noir was....kinky, to say the least.  You never thought that you would agree to do half the things the two of you did on a regular basis.  You liked it, of course, but sometimes...it was too much.

When the swats on your ass started to hurt bad more than hurt in a good way, you sobbed out the safeword.  Immediately, Noir dropped the paddle.  “OH MY STARS, Y/N ARE YOU OKAY?  I DIDN’T GO TOO HARD, DID I?” he asked, anxiety clear in his voice.

“A-a little bit,” you sniffled, wiping your eyes.  “I-it was just...It’s too much tonight.  I’m sorry.”

“Don’t Be Sorry, I Completely Understand.  We Can Stop Completely, If You Want,” he whispered, kissing you all over your face.

“A-actually,” you stammered.  “Can we...keep going?  Just-” you added quickly.  “Just...softer?  Nice and loving?”

“Of Course My Love,” he cooed.  “Anything For You.”

Mafiaswapfell Sans (Scar): “A-ah!  Fuck!  Scar!  R-reset, reset!”

Scar immediately pulled back, eyes wide in fear and shock.  “OH MY STARS, Y/N, WHAT HAPPENED?  ARE YOU HURT?”

You gingerly touched the bite mark on your neck.  “A little bit...”

Scar frowned.  “FUCK, I’M SO SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO BITE YOU THAT HARD, SHIT.”  He picked you up bridal style and teleported to the bathroom.  He set you gently on the edge of the bathtub before grabbing the first aid kit.  “Here, Let Me See.”

You tilted your neck to the side.  “I don’t know, it just hurt so much more than normal...”

“I Know, I Didn’t Mean To Be That Rough, My Love,” he whispered.  “This Will Sting A Bit.”

You winced when he dabbed antiseptic on the wound.  After a few silent moments, he put the cotton ball away and placed his hands gingerly on your neck to heal you.

“Sorry for making you stop,” you whispered.

“No, Don’t Apologize,” he said gently.  “If You’re Hurt, I Want You To Call The Safeword.  That’s What It’s For.  I Would Never Forgive Myself If You Got Seriously Hurt,” he whispered.  “I Love You Too Much For That To Happen.”

You smiled and kissed his cheek.  “And I love you too.  Thank you, Sans.”

Mafiaswapfell Papyrus (Hound): It wasn’t often that Hound was on top, but when he was, he liked to treat you.  Which, you know, was sweet, but...the problem was....

You hated when the attention was on you.

Hound understood that, so when you said the safeword, he was quick to stop.  “what’s wrong?  did i cut ya?” he asked, hand raised to his teeth self consciously.  “is...is it what i said?”

You nodded, not wanting to meet his eyes.  “Y-yeah, I’m sorry.  I just...don’t want to hear that about myself right now...”

He nodded.  “no problem.  do ya wanna keep goin’, or stop for the night?”

“Can we stop?”

“of course, darlin’!”

He grabbed a water bottle from the bedside table and handed it to you before he snuggled up next to you, arm thrown around your waist.  “even if ya don’t wanna fuck, i still love ya, silly,” he joked.  “i’ll love ya no matter what.”

“And I love you too,” you responded, kissing his teeth gently.  “So, so much.”

[thefanbasewhore]

Too Much to Handle. || t.h ||

Summary: This was a request for mob! Tom raising his hand in an argument and reader flinches, she doesn’t realize how much it upset Tom.

Warnings: arguing, cursing, angst

Paring: Mob!Tom x reader

The flame of irritation ignited between them the moment she stepped into the room, hurtful words and curses filled the air. Tom’s face was growing hotter and hotter with every word. Y/N ears starting to ring from her own yelling. The large dinning room was filled with papers, piles of cases and information, Tom had been busy. The two stood feet away, Tom’s hand gripping the table with a grip so tight, his knuckles began to blanch.

Both natural born leaders, both so stubborn and head strong to admit any fault. Tom is protective, and sometimes it just too over bearing. Tom has a short fuse, all his life people followed his beck and call but she purposely puts herself in danger but the main problem is he doesn’t know how to express it healthy. He was raised with violence, anger and aggression, its all he’s ever known.

Y/N on the other hand likes her individually, hates being told what to do, and hates the claim he uses on her: mine.

Despite how much she fights it, she will always be unconditionally and deeply his. She will never admit it, but even Tom knows its true. Two people so different, opposite of one another but some how form a bond so undeniably unbreakable that other’s envy it. Jealous of the true love, kisses and just always having that one person to lean on, your forever bestfriend.

Tom’s face is red with heat, lips snapped shut for two seconds to think, his tie messily pushed from his neck, white shirt underneath revealing the small peppered chest hair, drops of dry, red blood dotting his chin, neck and shirt. Only an hour ago was he fighting for his life, after being ambushed and barely making it home to make sure she was safe. 

“Why cant you even listen to me?!” The growl is enough to tell her he’s serious, never ever has she seen him this angry. “I don’t ask for much. I give you everything you ever could want, i love you, buy you everything but you still have to bluntly ignore every fucking word I say to you. Why?”

She doesn’t answer his question, only scoffs. The white marble floor is the perfect canvas for thinking, for trying to soak in his words, “I never wanted your money, I’m so fucking sick of you rubbing it in my face. You are the one who made me quit my job because it’s “safer.””

Tom’s eyes set in a squint, obviously hearing her words but ignoring them. “I asked you a question!” Silence.

“WHY?” The load grunt coming from his chest as his hand extends in the air, which instantly makes her cower away from him, she didn’t know why she did it, she knew the moment his hand went to tug his hair it was the only intention.

Tom’s face drops almost instantly, face twisted with a look so filled with hurt she just wanted to kiss it away. She shakes her head repeatedly, trying to step towards him but he backs himself against the wall. 

“You thought I was going to hurt you?” Sadness drips from his tone. Sure his temper got the best of him sometimes, but never ever would he lay a hand on a woman, especially the one in front of him, the love of his life, his angel. 

“No, no i know you wouldn’t. I never heard you so -”

Tom cuts her off quickly, shaking his head. “It’s fine, I guess you should expect it right?”

“Tom, It wasn’t like that, I -”

“No, I will get someone to come sit with you while we are on lockdown, I don’t want you by yourself.” The emotions sat tight inside his throat, forming a large ball that showed them in the way he talked, choking up as his eyes grew glossy. 

He felt so.. dumb? Hamulated that his own girlfriend would ever feel safe with him? He is a gangster for goodness sake, he runs the mob. After years it finally set in, she would never see him as anything less. “I would never hurt you..”

She reaches for his hand, kissing each of his knuckles softly. “I know Tommy, I’m sorry. It was the heat of the moment and my adrenaline was already pumping. I know you’d never hurt me. I don’t want you to get anyone else.”

“It’s probably best..” The small chin quiver made made small tears of frustration prick her own eyes, never had she seen him so upset. While she thought she had upset him, truthfully his heart was broken.

Did she ever feel safe with him? Was the thought of him hitting her always in the back of her mind whenever he got angry? He was upset because he never would.. but more upset at the thought that she ever would think so.

The light of his life, the one good person in his life. “Go up to our room, I’ll tell Harrison to come down.”

“Tom, stop. Please just listen to me. I know you’d never hurt me.”

He looks at her in disbelief, “Do you? Obviously not. Just go.”

“Stop pushing me away, you always do this, It’s okay to be upset around me.” He always tries to hid himself away, act as if he was strong-hearted but she knew better than anyone he was one of the softness people she’s ever known. 

“This isn’t about me. It’s about you and not feeling safe. I’m getting you away from me.. this way you can.” 

“Tom -.” Hands reach out but get nothing.

“Just stop already!” It’s a cry, hoarse from his dry throat. Filled with pain that showed in his dark eyes. “Did you always think I would hit you? I never wanted you to feel that way.

She steps closer, hand meeting the softness of his cheeks, wetness soaking into her fingertips. This time he doesn’t push her away, her comfort is the only thing holding him together at the moment. She wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders, feeling his chest fall rapidly underneath hers. “Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, I promise. I never felt more safe with anyone like I do with you.”

Sure Tom was upset, it hurt him more than anything. Y/N knew though, the life he lives is rough on him. Maintaining a hard exterior, putting on a front, and just handling all the stress by yourself, it puts a toll on you.

Soft lips kiss in heart ache away, trailing from his cheek to his lips. “I know you’d never hurt me and I know you’re under a lot of stress and I’m not helping. Just let it out honey.” Tom shakes his head against her shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I never want you to feel that way.” She shushes him, fingers playing with the loose ends of his curls.

“It was the heat of the moment, never would I think that Tom. He was completely heart broken, and she felt guilty. Her boyfriend crying into her shoulder, she felt like an asshole because it was her fault. His intentions were always good, he would hurt himself before her. 

Lips meet with fire, warmness of bodies meeting each other. A kiss so loving that it was felt with every movement of lips, clanking of teeth and tenderness of tongue. She pulls away softly, “I’m sorry Tom, it’s my fault.”

His arms wrap tightly around her, even though they are unsure, he offers her comfort as well. Skin is soft, and warm against him. “I’d never hurt you.”

“I know baby.” Her hand rests against the softness of his chocolate locks, knotting them between the slits of her fingers. The familiar smell and comfort that came from her skin left him content, all other problems disappeared. Thomas Holland is often described as a bad man, a killer, but little do people know he was forced into this life with no way out, and is too far in to ever live a normal life without danger again but what no one knows is he is a man with a heart of gold, and the life he lives is becoming too much for him to handle. 

[nayarablueglasses]

Duo x male reader

a/n: oh gods this is so. anyways this was meant for day thirteen of the @gundam-wing-pride event but certain circumstances have caused me to be unable to post in time for it. the tears prompt was kept in mind for this, i hope it suffices.

word count: 2,059

summary: horrific battles never made you cry, so how did a joke from Duo manage to do it?

warnings: reader is in an active war at first, brief mentions of reader becoming deaf to loud sounds after the battle, reader has a very dry way of thinking, i haven't seen the entirety of the show in ages so i think my timeline is a little messed up

reader pronouns: he/him but comes off as gn

How’d you end up here?

You’d woken up to the extremely jarring sounds of the space station’s evacuation alarms. Considering the immediate panicking masses of people that then flooded the streets, it wasn’t the best way to wake up. Especially when you factor in that your first evacuation drill since the ‘safe space’ had been rebuilt, relocated and refortified was supposed to happen next week. Though to be fair, there were absolutely no signs that you knew of that would signal a a war erupting on your colony.

Honestly? You never were impressed by the Gundams. All you knew about them was that they were starting a war with what a few of the colonies had begun to call the “colony rebels.” The White Fang. Maybe the White Fang had started the war, but you could care less. No matter who’d started this, the colonies- your colony- was caught in the crossfires now.

And it wasn’t like you could trust the Gundams, either. It wasn’t that long ago that Gundam Pilot 04 almost blew up an entire colony because their father had been killed. If that was how the Gundams handled personal loss, your colony could only speculate on the ways they’d deal with the political difficulties of a war. And unsurprisingly, it turned out that they handled it absolutely terribly.

The scariest part was the absolute absurdness of the whole war. Two sides that claimed to speak for the colonies. The White Fang pressed attention on the colonies, while the Gundams remained an absolute mystery. Plus, the individual power struggles claiming the colonies, the Treize Faction war against Oz that was reportedly occuring back on Earth... everybody was misinformed about absolutely all of it, and the best you could do was try to make sense of the chaos unfolding and hope it never touched your poor colony.

But wishes don’t always come true. And certainly never the wishes you make.

Like the wish you’d been repeating back to yourself for the last hour- to be able to come out of this unscathed. Your arm had some thoughts on that.

As it turns out, trying to run through an active warzone to the safe space you didn’t know the location of was extremely dangerous. So dangerous that your arm had been hit with a stray bullet. Right now the main dangers were the footsoldiers firing at each other, but not that far off in the distance you could see two of the Gundams fighting a swarm of Taruses. The fact that they weren’t close was anything but comforting, since you’d seen the speed of the Gundams before on T.V.

Oh.

“Hey- get outta the way! Ya try’na get killed?” A White Fang footsoldier shoved you to the side, presumably trying to help. Instead you stumbled facedown into a very large pile of scrap metal. Which very much hurt your arm and effectively trapped your leg as well.

Fun. “The fuck kinda horror movie is this?” You muttered to yourself. Of course, of course you ran directly into the fray. Because of COURSE that was safer than the opposite direction (which in all fairness had been covered in sharp-looking rubble). That’s fine. You could work with this. What did your uncle usually tell you- take inventory in terms of crises?

You hadn’t brought a backpack with you, so, all you could take inventory on was what was in your pockets. One elastic, a single outdated coin, and fuzz. Plus, a bleeding arm and the bullet you figured was still in there, a possibly twisted and hopefully not broken foot, ringing in your ears... and the clothes on your back. Ok.

So this is how you die? Fine. That’s fucking fine. You had plenty to live for, but fine. Who cares?

“Woah-hoh, what the hell? Hey- hey handsome, you awake?”

A very neon green light pierced your consciousness. Out of habit, you tried to raise your arm to block it out- and then an even more painful, piercing feeling jolted through your whole body. “Ahh-huah- ‘m. ‘m awake now. Ohhh gods. Yeah. ‘m- yeah. Fuck. Who’re you and are you going to help me or kill me?”

“Kill you? Man, I might be the god of Death and all but I’m not going to kill you! You related to Heero or somethin’?”

“Don’t know- ow- who the fuck that is. What’s up with that green light shit> ‘M gonna be blinded if I open my eyes.”

And there the light went. Nice. If this guy didn’t kill you, you might actually survive. Sans your arm. Nobody on your colony could help your arm. You figured that life would be interesting from now on. “Great, thanks man. Fuuuuck. You- you see my arm? Yeah- I’m taking your silence as a yeah. This bitch’s fucked and moving at all is very very painful. So hey random stranger. You strong enough to carry me to the nearest amputator?”

Apparently you were just being dramatic. Your arm would 100% be still attached and your foot would survive. Your ears were… fine. After waking up in a hospital on an entirely different colony station, you learned that apparently, there exists a kind of deaf in which it was hard to hear things that were too loud. Which. You now had.

No more concerts. Meh.

The most jarring of everything was when you discovered that a) you were likely to have either trauma or ptsd and b) the guy that carried you to the hospital in his Gundam- was a Gundam Pilot. 02. Duo Maxwell. He’d brought you to Colony 14 Blue and was now reportedly “chillin’ outside until you get discharged.” with the promise that he’d bring you to the Peacemillion afterwards.

Oh. And almost everybody you knew closely had “likely” passed away in the attack. The therapy for that was going to be interesting when you consider that nobody of your family was on the colony at the time of the attack. Honestly the way they were pressing for you to be evaled made it feel like they were planning to make an example out of your supposedly poor mental state. Unsurprisingly the hospital was being run by the White Fang.

Discharge went quickly. The ride back to Duo’s Deathscythe went quickly. The ride in Duo’s Deathscythe went far, far too slowly. And adjusting to life on the Peacemillion went poorly.

Every now and again, Duo would look for you and, if he hadn’t immediately come from a fight (he passed out on your carpet once due to blood loss after being in a gunfight. Zechs was less than appreciative.), he’d bring you to the nearest colony. Being able to enjoy a day out on occasion was a rarity you usually only got to experience with Duo.

“Ooooi, Duo. Check these out. Tell me these aren’t the coolest gloves you’ve ever seen.” You held up some black fingerless gloves for him to inspect. He’d brought you to a new colony, where apparently a special holiday (complete with fun sales) was happening. Admittedly, some of the people on this station were giving you and Duo some especially strange looks whenever Duo would tug on your shirt or grab your hand to get your attention but like. Fuck them.

“Hey, those look pretty awesome!” he grinned and bounced over, snatching the gloves from your hands to look for a price tag. “To steal or not to steal, that is the question.”

You raised an eyebrow. So maybe the crush you’d developed on this overgrown child of a thief was growing. So what? It’s just a crush. Everything’s going to be fine. “Is the price tag expensive or something?”

Duo shook his head. “Exact opposite. There isn’t one.”

“Let’s just leave ten gilla and bolt, then.”

“...wicked.”

Normally the rides back home were silent and awkward, but after the rather exciting day you’d had, you were feeling especially chatty. Which wasn’t to say that there weren’t still awkward breaks in the conversation. It was quiet, sure, but a lot of things had been quiet lately. Being deaf to louder things tended to do that to a person.

Duo drew you out of your thoughts with another tug on your sleeve and pressed one of the gloves into your hand. “Here. Figured we’d both look badass with just one glove. Plus we match!” He held up his gloved left hand with an air of confidence. He wasn’t wrong, honestly. Wearing his braid the way he did, he already cut an impressive figure, but the gloves really sold the look.

You pulled on the glove he gave you, flexing your fingers to test it’s flexibility. After all, if you couldn’t engage in you and Duo’s elaborate handshake, you might have to ditch the glove altogether. Luckily the glove fit you well- functionality and style alike. Ten gilla spent well.

“Not bad. Y’think Zechs’ll get jealous?” Duo laughed at the idea.

“Doubtful, doesn’t he have Noin to get him cool stuff? Plus, I think his mask and that hair are defining accessories, what else does he need?”

You shrugged. “What gay wouldn’t love these? ‘M already enjoying mine ‘nd yours look more worn in than mine do. Solid fuckin’ proof right there.” Not like you could confirm or deny that Duo was gay. Honestly, you didn’t really care for his specific labels, but Zechs was definitely gay so it just helped further the joke. With his demeanor and his lesbian best friend? Could the flags get any gayer.

“More like pansexual on my account. Good to know your take on gender preference though. This mean I’m allowed to openly flirt with you now?” He leaned back into his seat, throwing his feet up onto the table in front of you and resting his head in his hands.

You raised an eyebrow. “Only if you promise not to ‘no homo’ me afterwards.” Duo pretended to fall backwards, clutching at the nonexistent pearls and acting offended. You two giggled when Sally came in from the cockpit to assure herself that somebody hadn’t just gotten a concussion. To which Duo immediately pretended to have a head wound of some sorts (you suspected he was being purposely vague) in hopes of attaining the candy that Sally sometimes had on hand.

Once she left (leaving you and Duo with strong warnings against fooling around more, lest Duo’s “head injury” get worse; to which you had saluted and replied, “absolutely no promises, ma’am!”) you shared a look with the brunette and tried to keep from dissolving into a fit of laughter. To your chagrin, it was a fail. You were laughing so hard that your stomach was starting to genuinely hurt. Duo was doubled over on the ground, wheezing unintelligible words and trying to hand you the lollipop that Sally gave him.

By the time you had managed to calm down and breathe, Duo was getting into the chair beside you and clutching his side. “I think I pulled a muscle from laughing so hard.”

“Yeesh, ‘m crying from laughin’ so much. Aah, this is what y’do to me.” You joked, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cry before,” Duo paused to think. “like, at all! Now that I think about it, didja even cry when I rescued you?” You shrugged again. The battlefield was pretty terrifying and if you hadn’t found it in you to cry from fear… well, you were feeling a lot of emotions during the whole ordeal. Who could really blame you? “Pretty tough that a fuckin battle didn’t even make you cry. Hey- my bit musta been pretty damn good to make you shed a tear!”

“Yeah, don’t let it get to y’head. ‘S just because ‘m crushin on you.” You mentioned casually, testing the waters.

“Full homo?”

“Full homo.”

Well, would you look at that. Now Duo was crying. What was with you two and tears today?

BONUS:

“You’re so cheesy.” You muttered to Duo, who was proudly holding up your guys’s fingerless gloves- which he had sewn a rainbow patch onto the back of.

He smiled, tugging your glove onto your hand. “Mhm. You love it though.”

Sighing, you returned the favour and pulled his glove onto his right hand. “You’re right. I love it. I love you.”

[all works found under the name "nayarablueglasses" are property of nayarablueglasses. please do not repost, claim as your own, or edit. i do not consent for my works to be part of any social media other then tumblr, including having my works be adapted for asmrs.]

[gretavanfanfic]

Thin Line

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x (F) Reader

Word Count: 5600ish

Warnings: Attempted sexual assault, language.

Summary: You and Sam share all the same friends, but he hates you...or so you think.

Note: This was inspired by #5 on this prompt list.

Sam Kiszka hates you. You’re sure of it. You don’t quite know what his reason is for disliking you, but you can feel his disdain for you every time you’re in the same room together. Which is pretty awkward, considering you’ve been in the same friend group since the beginning of college.

When a mutual friend first introduced you to Sam and his brothers during your freshman year, you instantly felt comfortable around Jake and Josh and became fast friends. You even connected with and became close with Sam’s best friend, Danny, in a short period of time. But despite putting in what you felt was a significant effort to get to know Sam as well, he was totally uninterested in getting to know you. 

At first you thought maybe he was just slow to come out of his shell, but to this day, Sam has never seemed to warm up to you. There’s just something in the way he treats you that’s different from how he treats your other friends. He’s colder, almost as if he resents you. Where he greets everyone else with smiles and hugs, you receive chilly stares and uninterested waves. Where he makes conversation and engages with everyone else, you receive minimal responses in a flat, bored tone. While you and Sam each hang out individually with all of your other friends, the two of you have never spent time together one on one. 

You’ve tried your best not to let his behavior upset you, but truthfully, it does hurt your feelings. Because, in spite of his chilly attitude towards you, you quite like Sam. He’s loud and opinionated; goofy and incredibly intelligent. He’s talented, hard-working, and driven; quirky in an endearing way. Not to mention, he is extremely beautiful, with his long, wavy locks, chiseled features, and brilliant smile. Throughout the time you’ve known each other, you’ve wished for nothing more than for him to give you a chance, but you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that there are just some people in the world who will never like you. And Sam Kiszka was apparently someone who would never like you.

Sam’s contempt for you has seemed to go unnoticed by the rest of your friends, and you feel no need to mention it to any of them. Bringing it up would just make everything even more awkward. You’ve decided that you would much rather continue to feel comfortable around your other friends with some mild unease when Sam is there, than isolate yourself from the group by throwing accusations around haphazardly. 

Ever since you came to the conclusion that Sam hates you, you’ve been a bit preoccupied with him. Now, as you sit on a couch in a stranger’s packed living room chatting with Jake over the sound of blaring music, you can’t stop yourself from glancing over at Sam periodically. He’s leaning against a wall across the room, having an animated conversation with Danny, a smile bright on his face, head tipping back with laughter every now and again. Your friend, Erin, joins them and Sam welcomes her into the discussion enthusiastically. You feel an unmistakable spark of jealousy in that moment, wondering what it is that Erin has and you lack that allows her to connect with Sam. 

You must have let your stare linger for a little too long, because suddenly, Sam’s eyes flick up to meet yours. You panic and flash him a timid smile, hoping you come off as friendly. However, he just studies you for a brief moment and you see his lips pulling down into a frown. Then, just as quickly as this little moment between the two of you began, it ends as he turns his focus back to his conversation with Danny and Erin. You too return your attention to Jake and try not to read too much into what just occurred. 

A little later, you leave your spot on the couch with Jake to find a drink in the kitchen. You drove to the party, so you can’t drink much, but you figure one cocktail can’t hurt. You’re in the middle of mixing a rum and Coke when you’re approached by a guy you don’t know. He’s cute, but he seems sleazy. You know all he wants is to hook up, and you’re not the type of person to sleep with just anyone. 

He introduces himself as Drew, and then, as you predicted, immediately asks you if you want to go somewhere more quiet to, “talk.” Uninterested, you mutter a quick, “No, thank you,” pick up your drink, and proceed to leave the kitchen in search of a bathroom.

Much to your dismay, he does not take the hint and follows you into the hallway you’ve just entered. Noticing his presence, you speed up your pace, but are pulled to a halt when he reaches forward and takes hold of your wrist. Your fight or flight response kicks in instantly, heart rate accelerating and the hair at the back of your neck standing on end. Wrenching your wrist free, you spin around and glare at him. 

“Can I help you?” you spit, venom in your voice. It’s at this moment that you realize that you’ve ventured into a mostly empty area of the house. Only a few people are around, but they’re too wrapped up in themselves to notice the conflict occurring just a couple of feet away. You cautiously take a few steps back, trying to distance yourself from this man who has suddenly become threatening.

Drew laughs and continues moving toward you. You try to inch even further backward, but your back hits the wall, making it sink in that you’ve been cornered. With his much larger frame, he boxes you in by putting both his palms on the wall on either side of your head.

Bending down, he smirks and says, “Come on, baby, don’t be like that. I just wanted to talk, get to know you a little better.”

Truly panicking now, you try to keep your voice steady when you counter, “And I declined. Now let me go.” You attempt to dip down and slide out from under his arm, but he’s too quick, shoving your shoulder back against the wall. Your drink slips out of your hand at this point, hitting the ground and splashing all over the carpet, walls, and your pants.

Leering at you with the same creepy smile on his face, he runs his fingers down the entire length of your arm, causing you to shiver. Stepping even closer, you feel his hot breath on your face as he taunts, “I’m just being nice, baby. Maybe you should learn to be a little more polite.”

You try to formulate a plan to escape this dilemma, but you’re so scared that your mind is blank. His hand has wandered to your back and settled on your ass, and you feel tears forming in your eyes. You try to look around for someone, anyone that may be able to help you, but the barricade he’s created with his arms has made that impossible. The only thing you can think of to do is scream, and you’re about to do it when you hear someone shout from behind his large body. 

“Hey man, what the fuck are you doing? Get off of her!” 

The voice sounds familiar, but you don’t register who it belongs to due to the overload of adrenaline coursing through your system. Your brain will not allow you to focus on anything for more than a millisecond, the feeling of terror consuming you. Trying to direct any of your brain power to identifying the person attempting to help you isn’t even an option.

Despite the unknown person’s protest, your assailant does not move an inch, continuing to hold you against your will. You attempt to wiggle out of his hold again, to no avail. Closing your eyes, you try to center yourself and prevent your breathing from increasing to the point of hyperventilation. 

And then, he’s gone. The weight leaning up against you disappears and the air around you becomes cooler. It should be easier to breathe, but you still feel like you’re suffocating.

Eyes snapping open, you’re greeted by the sight of someone’s back. Sam Kiszka’s back, you quickly determine, given the long brown hair and slim frame. He has somehow shoved his way between you and your attacker, and is now shielding you with his body. Even though he is much smaller than Drew, you instantly feel safer, and very, very grateful that he intervened.

Drew’s face portrays his anger at Sam for preventing him from getting what he wanted from you. “You should mind your own fucking business, man!” he practically screams, trying to glare a hole through Sam.

“You don’t get to fucking touch her without her permission, you son of a bitch!” Sam growls, not backing down.

You don’t hang around to hear anything else. You desperately need some fresh air and to be out of this dark hallway.

Slipping out from behind Sam’s body, you speed walk away as fast as you can, only turning to look back at the scene once you reach the end of the hall. Drew and Sam, still exchanging anger-laced words, do not notice your exit, and for that, you are grateful. You hastily find your way back to the living room and out the front door, not bothering to even stop and tell your other friends that you’re leaving.

Once you step foot outside, you greedily suck in the cool Autumn air, a stark contrast to the warm stuffiness you felt as Drew was holding you against the wall. The whole encounter lasted maybe two minutes, but it felt like you were being held underwater for an hour and are just now surfacing. 

Wiping the tears that you realize are still flowing down your cheeks, you dig your car keys out of the pocket of your jeans and locate your vehicle parked on the street. You feel a little bad for abandoning Erin since you drove her here, but you know she’ll find a ride back to her dorm with one of your other friends.

Speaking of your other friends, your phone vibrates in your pocket right before you put the car in drive, and you pull it out to see a text from Jake.

everything okay? saw you leave…

Apologizing to him for not saying goodbye, you come up with a ridiculous lie about getting your period and carefully pull out onto the street to begin your short journey home. Your phone buzzes again, but you don’t bother to check it.

The car ride passes by in a blur of sniffling and wiping tears, and soon you’re in your bathroom, cleaning off the little bit of make-up left on your face and taking a shower to try to clear your head. You stand under the hot stream of water for longer than usual, processing everything that happened and calming yourself down. 

When you finally emerge several minutes later and dress yourself in your comfiest pajamas, you feel a little better, but still not exactly okay. To distract yourself, you pour a bowl of cereal and turn a mindless comedy on the TV in hopes of cheering yourself up.

Instead of paying attention, however, you find yourself staring blankly at the screen, consumed by your thoughts. The encounter has shaken you to your core. And while it ended before Drew could cause you any actual physical harm, you know that it will take some time for you to recover from the emotional and mental damage that he has caused you. He had no right to lay his hands on you, and the fear you felt when he did is not something that is easy to forget. You remind yourself that you are not overreacting, and that your feelings are perfectly valid.

And then there’s Sam. You feel incredibly thankful for him, but also a little surprised that he was the one who stepped in. You’re not sure why you’re surprised though. At his core, Sam is a good person. Even though the two of you have your differences, you know he would never stand by while someone else was being hurt. Including you. You sincerely hope nothing else transpired between him and Drew after you left. You would feel terrible if he ended up in harm’s way for trying to protect you. 

Realizing that you will do nothing but obsess over the incident if you continue to stay awake, you make the decision to crawl into bed and try to get some sleep. Even though it takes a bit for your mind to stop racing, exhaustion eventually sets in and you’re able to get a much needed break from your thoughts.

⏭

The following Saturday, your friends send a group text making plans to go to another party that night. Normally, you would be happy to join them, but now, a party is the absolute last place you want to be. You know that if you just tell them that you don’t want to go, they’ll ask questions. You’d managed to avoid any sort of interrogation about your abrupt disappearance last weekend up until now, and you don’t really feel like reliving the experience by having to tell the story. 

So, you don’t even think twice before texting them that you’re sick and are planning on staying home all weekend. You get texts back from everyone but Sam telling you to feel better, and then mute the thread when they continue planning their evening.

Over the past week, you’ve felt a little better everyday. Your anxiety has lessened and you’re able to concentrate on things that don’t involve Drew. Still, you’re definitely not ready to be in a house full of crowded people, some of which may have questionable intentions.

Since you don’t have much else to do, you decide to be productive and spend your time catching up on school work. You have quite a bit of reading to do for an exam in one of your classes next week. Surprising yourself, you get into the zone and read without interruption until close to 8 PM, when your stomach reminds you that you haven’t eaten anything since the peanut butter and jelly sandwich you made yourself around 11:30 AM. 

Not in the mood to cook dinner, you pull up Uber Eats on your phone and scroll through the endless options, trying to choose between a local soup and salad place and your favorite pizza joint. You’re just about to place your order when there’s a knock on the front door of your apartment. You have no idea who it could be, since you gathered from your friends messages that they had made dinner plans for before the party and would more than likely be eating right now.

Skeptical, you rise from your seat at your kitchen island and check yourself in the mirror, making sure your hair isn’t too messy before making your way to the door. You really wish the doors in your apartment building had peep holes so you could vet your unexpected visitors before showing yourself, but alas, you’re forced to open it if you wish to know the identity of the person on the other side.

Curiosity getting the best of you, you undo the latch and swing the door open, the sight that greets you making your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Sam Kiszka, clad in a white t-shirt, the tiniest blue shorts you’ve ever seen, and Birkenstocks, stands on your welcome mat, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. His hair falls to his shoulders in perfect waves, and he is holding a round Tupperware container in his hands. He startles a bit when your form appears in front of him.

“Hi?” you say, more of a question than a statement. Why is he here? I didn’t even know that he knew where I lived...

Releasing his lower lip from his teeth, he clears his throat and responds, “Hey. Can I come in?” There’s a small, barely there smile on his face, and the only reason you notice it is because you’re so used to the cold stare that he’s usually giving you.

Wordlessly backing up, you open the door wider and allow him entrance. When he steps through the door frame, he kicks off his Birkenstocks and glaces around, getting his first look at the place you call home.

Unsure of what to make of his surprise appearance, you cautiously ask, “What are you doing here? I thought you would be out with everyone else right now.”

Sam contemplates your query for a moment, then thrusts the Tupperware container towards you. You reach out to take it from him, and when it touches the skin of your palms, you discover that the contents inside are still hot.

“I uh- I got your message that you weren’t feeling well, so I made you some soup. Loaded baked potato. Then I realized that you’re probably not like, sick, sick, that you may just not feel comfortable going out after what happened last weekend. And I figured if that was the case, then soup may still help you feel better, so I thought I’d stop by…” he trails off and gives a tiny shrug.

You’re touched by his thoughtfulness, so you give him a small smile of appreciation. “I was literally just about to order some soup. And loaded baked potato is my favorite. Thank you.”

His lips pull up at the corners even more and he sounds almost bashful when he says, “Yeah, no problem.”

The two of you stand in your small entryway, looking each other over for a second before you turn your back and walk into the kitchen, getting a spoon out from the silverware drawer. You feel his eyes watching your movements the whole time. Once you retrieve the utensil, you walk past him to your sofa, then offer, “Do you want to sit down?”

Sam doesn’t respond, just follows you into the living room and sits on the opposite end of the couch as you.

Removing the lid from the container in your hands, your nose is instantly met with the delicious aroma of the soup inside. Sticking your spoon in the bowl, you comment, “I hope you don’t mind if I eat this now, I’m starving.” 

Turning to face you, Sam pulls his long, lanky legs onto the couch so his knees are practically to his chin, then wraps his arms around them. The position doesn’t look comfortable at all, and you let out a little giggle before taking your first taste of the soup.

“I don’t mind,” Sam acknowledges.

The two of you sit in silence for a few moments, you eating soup and him watching you. What’s weird about it is that it isn’t uncomfortable at all. You’re not sure you’ve ever been alone with Sam before, but you always imagined if you were, it would be awkward. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by Sam breaking the silence. “So…are you okay?” There is concern evident in his tone, and it shouldn’t catch you off guard since you’re sitting here eating soup (delicious soup, by the way) that he cooked to make you feel better, but it does.

You shovel more soup into your mouth as you consider how to answer his question. You swallow, and decide it’s best to just be honest. He’s the only person who really knows what happened, so if you can’t tell him how you’re feeling, who can you tell? 

“Well, I’m not like, sick, sick,” you start, “But I wouldn’t say I’m okay. I feel a little better every day, but I’m definitely not ready to go to a party.” 

He nods at your answer, then sympathizes, “That’s understandable.”

Pausing for a moment, you decide this is a good time to express your gratitude to him. You’ve been meaning to text or call him all week, but chickened out each time, figuring he wouldn’t want to talk to you.

“Thank you, by the way. For what you did. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t been there. I just- I really appreciate it.”

At your words, Sam recoils and his face scrunches up in dismay. Voice slightly elevated, he fumes, “You don’t have to thank me! That fucking asshole shouldn’t have put his fucking hands on you! He’s lucky I didn’t beat the shit out of him…”

His face is red in anger by the time he finishes his rant, and you’re shocked at how heated he became by you thanking him. You’re also shocked that he was upset enough by what happened to you that he wanted to cause someone actual physical harm. You never would have thought that Sam Kiszka would go that far to defend you.

Choosing your words carefully, you reply, “I know that you’re not the kind of guy to just stand by and let something like that happen, it’s just- I realize that we haven’t exactly gotten along super well in the past and I just wanted to make sure you know that I’m really grateful that you helped me in spite of that. And it was really nice of you to make me this soup. You didn’t have to do that.”

Sam looks genuinely perplexed by your assertion. He has a habit of clearly displaying his emotions with his facial expressions, you’ve noticed. Eyebrows furrowed, he asks, “What do you mean we haven’t gotten along in the past?”

Now it’s your brows that are furrowing in confusion. Is he kidding? How can he not know what I mean?

Peering at him nervously, you say, “Sam. Come on...we’ve had the same friends for a couple of years now and I don’t think we’ve ever talked this much. Everything between us has always just felt so...uncomfortable. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you even like me...it sure feels like you hate me sometimes.”

Sam balks at your answer and lets out a humorless laugh. He bows his head and shakes it back and forth a few times, then gazes up at you with a pained look on his face. “You think I hate you?” he questions, voice unsteady.

You’re taken aback by how devastated he sounds. For years now, you’ve been living under the assumption that Sam hates you. That you had done or said something or acted in a certain way that made him not want to be your friend. But he’s looking at you like he has no idea what you’re talking about. Did I misinterpret his cold stares and lack of interest in interacting with me? Did I imagine it all?

“Well…” you hesitantly begin explaining your point of view. “It’s just that, you act differently around me than you do around everyone else. You don’t- you don’t talk to me or even acknowledge anything that I say when we’re all together. You’re so nice to everyone else and it seems like you just barely tolerate my presence. And sometimes it feels like you look at me like you actually want to kill me. So I don’t know, I guess it was just hard for me to come up with any other reason for it besides you hating me…”

You wish they hadn’t, but tears have formed in your eyes during the course of your little speech. You didn’t expect to get so emotional airing out your long-held beliefs regarding Sam’s feelings towards you, but here you are, trying to prevent the watery drops from falling down your cheeks. You didn’t realize how strongly your strained relationship with Sam has impacted you until now. Embarrassment makes you avoid looking at him for his reaction. 

Though you’re staring at the bowl of soup in your hands instead of him, you know Sam moves closer to you because you feel the cushion next to you dip down with his body weight. “Y/N,” he says, trying to get your attention. When you look up at him, you catch him anxiously running his hand through his hair. 

“I- I don’t hate you. I don’t hate you at all. God, I- I’m sorry I made you feel that way,” he stutters, shaking his head again in shame. “It’s just, I uh-“ The tension in the room is palpable as he stops and gazes at you with a conflicted look on his face, obviously having an internal debate with himself on if he wants to continue his sentence. 

He must decide that the pros of vocalizing his thoughts outweigh the cons, because he stammers, “It’s just that I- I’ve been in love with you for awhile now and I guess I just didn’t know how to deal with it? You make me nervous…”

Nothing could have prepared you for the bombshell Sam just dropped on you. By the time he finishes speaking, your jaw is nearly touching the floor and your eyes are wide. He could have told you he was a werewolf and you would have been less shocked than you are right now. The thought of Sam having any positive feelings towards you at all seems unlikely, but love? Never in a million years would you have imagined that Sam Kiszka loves you. 

Your heart in your throat and your palms sweaty, all you manage to sputter is, “You love me?”

Sam scratches his nose a few times, which you’ve learned is a nervous habit of his, and chuckles tensely. “Yeah...I um- I started liking you when we were in that class together Freshman year and it just kind of spiraled from there.” He blushes as he carries on with his explanation. “I really wasn’t trying to be an asshole to you, I swear. I just, I kind of had this idea in my head that you liked Jake and I didn’t want to make things weird, so I just started avoiding you. I thought maybe if I distanced myself from you, it would go away, but so far, that hasn’t worked…”

As hard as you try, your mind cannot process everything Sam is revealing to you as he says it. You feel like you’re just gaping at him blankly for an hour before it clicks that he’s been putting on a facade to hide his feelings for you. And it worked, because it never once occurred to you that his attitude may have been a mask to prevent himself from being hurt by you, intentionally or unintentionally.

What Sam doesn’t know is that you have no romantic interest in Jake. In fact, you’ve been so hung up on overanalyzing Sam’s behavior, that you haven’t paid attention to any other guys at all. You realize now that the reason for this is because you’ve had your own crush on Sam for as long as you can remember. Before tonight, he was always so unattainable. You always thought that you just craved for him to treat you the same way he treats everyone else, but really, you wanted even more than that. You never wanted to admit to yourself just how much you liked him, because you thought you would just be setting yourself up for heartbreak. But now that he’s bared his soul to you, his closeness is making your face feel hot and causing goosebumps to appear on your arms, both telltale signs of your epiphany.

Sam’s watching you intently, waiting for any sort of reaction whatsoever. He looks more and more dejected with every second that passes by and you have not broken your silence.

Feeling guilty for invoking so much anxiety, you end his misery by simply stating, “I don’t like Jake.”

Sam frowns and croaks, “Oh.”

He again runs his hand through his wavy tresses and his eyes shift around the room.

“To be honest,” you confess, setting your soup on the coffee table in front of you, “You’re the only guy I ever really pay any attention to. I’ve kind of been obsessed with trying to figure out where I stand with you for a long time now. Because even though I thought that you literally couldn’t stand me, I um, I’ve always really liked you. I think I was actually a little jealous of everyone else because you’ve always gotten along so well with literally everyone but me…”

Head hung low, Sam peers up at you and apologizes. “I’m sorry…I feel like such a fucking idiot…”

Hesitantly, you take hold of one of his hands and find that his palms are just as clammy as yours. “No, no I- I get it,” you comfort him. “We all deal with feelings differently.”

He nods and squeezes your hand, appreciating your understanding, but then insists again, “Yeah, but that was no excuse for being such an asshole to you. You were nothing but nice to me all the time and I cared too much about myself to even realize I was hurting your feelings. God I’m such a dick, I’m-”

Having heard enough of him tearing himself down, you cut him off before he can say anything else. “Sam, stop. I forgive you. Maybe...maybe we should try to forget about how things have been in the past and just, like, start over. Things were weird before, but they don’t have to be now.”

Sam thinks over your suggestion for only a second, a shy smile forming on his lips. “I think that’s a good idea,” he agrees, then playfully reaches out to shake your hand, both to seal the deal and to symbolize your reintroduction.

You laugh softly at the gesture, but instead of accepting his outstretched hand, you throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a hug. Almost immediately, his arms wrap around you in return and he gives your body a tight squeeze, pouring all of his emotion into the embrace. 

You’ve always had a feeling that Sam is an amazing hugger, and he’s proving you correct right now. His body is warm and he smells faintly like spicy cologne and his hair is silky against your skin. And the soothing motion of his hand rubbing up and down your back has you feeling more relaxed than you have since what happened last weekend. Truth be told, you could cling onto him like this forever and be content. 

Unfortunately for you, Sam attempts to break the embrace far more quickly than you would have liked. You feel his hands drop from your back and the heat of his chest dissipating and you know you need to stop him from moving too far away from you.

Clutching onto his shoulders, you pull back until you’re face to face with him, foreheads almost touching. The tension in the room is palpable as you stare at each other, wordlessly daring the other to make a move. You’re not sure what you’re hoping to happen, but you aren’t mad when his palms find the side of your neck and he presses his forehead to yours.

Looking directly into your eyes, you see him gulp before he admits, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Your pulse hammering at what feels like a million beats a minute, you smile shyly at him and whisper, “Me too.”

That’s all that he needs to hear before he touches his lips to yours. Right away, you feel a spark that you haven’t felt with any other boy you’ve kissed before. Even though the kiss is chaste, sweet and quick with no tongue involved, it makes you feel more feelings than you would have ever thought possible. At the forefront is happiness, causing a huge grin to form on your lips and your eyes to sparkle as you both pull away. An identical grin is on Sam’s lips and he leans in to plant another light kiss on your cheek before settling back on the couch next to you.

Your stomach rumbling reminds you that there is still a nearly full container of soup sitting in front of you, so you pick it up and take a bite, then propose, “Do you want to stay and watch a movie?” You’re not ready for him to leave.

Sam readily agrees, so you give him the remote to select a film while you resume eating. He finds one, but before he presses play, he asks, “Hey, would you maybe want to go out to dinner with me sometime?”

Deciding to tease him a little, you respond, “I don’t know, Sam...this is some of the best soup I’ve ever had. I think I’d much rather have you cook for me than go out anywhere.”

Sam’s face lights up and he nods rapidly, clearly overjoyed that you think he’s a good cook. “Yeah, for sure! Are you free tomorrow?”

He looks so excited, and it makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. “Yeah, tomorrow works for me,” you answer, probably looking equally as excited. 

Satisfied with your response, Sam presses play on the movie, then leans back into the sofa and gets comfortable. You think to yourself that you could get used to the sight of him in your living room.

Unable to resist, you quickly finish your soup and rid yourself of the bowl so you can scoot closer to Sam and curl up into his side. His arm instantly comes up to rest on your shoulders, and you’re delighted when his fingers start playing with your hair.

At the beginning of this day, you never would have expected to be finishing the night cuddled up to Sam Kiszka. If someone had told you that the guy who you thought hated you was going to bring you homemade soup and confess that he actually loves you, you would have thought they were crazy. But sometimes life works in mysterious ways, and you’re looking forward to seeing where it takes you and Sam next. 

[thepaperpanda]

Sky Full Of Shooting Stars | Part I

PART II

Summary: You work for First Order and happen to be in a secret relationship with General Hux himself. When you find out some certain thing about your beloved man, you start to be seriously afraid of his life, and your own as well. Trying to come up with a backup plan, you show him all of affection and love he can get from you. Will the two of you survive the upcoming events?

Warnings: smut, tros spoiler

Words: 4006

Authors: Cass & Rouge

Soft, plate glass of long, metal table at which they sat shone in a light derived of a glowing sticks hanging under the ceiling.

 Atmosphere was thick like a mist that could be cut with a sharp blade of knife.

 Kylo Ren stood on the head of the table, his back facing all the people gathered in the room.

 Hux cleared his throat a little and looked around the room, his eyes landed on you. He sent you a little smile, just a brief curl of his narrow lips, and soon his glance moved to General Pryde. Hux sent him a frown. Hux's eyes were initially glued to your figure.

Behind the mask of always serious Hux's facade there was a pure panic rising in his guts. He knew that the information about the Resistance's spy among First Order was finally out but thanks to the force the identity of the said individual wasn't revealed yet.

 The drilling glance of Pryde on Hux's face didn't help much in calming his nerves but those emotions were still under some kind of control of his. General Pryde was a real threat to Hux since Ren's accession to Supreme Leader.

 "There's a spy among us," Ren roared. His voice was distorted by voice modulator from his mask. After these words Kylo threw the head of an alien who aided Resistance communicate with the aforesaid spy. "Me and Knights of Ren are going to hunt the scavenger down. And you better do fucking everything to find the traitor and cut their head off," Kylo snapped and left the room.

 You swallowed hardly and shifted a little in your place which was instantly sighted by Pryde.

"What are you all waiting for?! Back to work!," Gray-haired man shouted and got up.

 "You could keep your voice leveled, Pryde," ginger-haired general muttered getting up from his chair. "You aren't the only one here. Y/N, please with me. We still have the stuff to finish."

 Armitage made sure to pull you out from the range of other generals. Despite you being part of First Order, Hux hated to see you near anyone else but him.

 You were walking along the wide corridor of the Ren's Star Destroyer. A desperate willingness to hug to Hux almost won with you but you stopped your inner needs when you spotted a group of stormtroopers walking right onto you from opposite side of the ship.

 "General Hux," you referred to him formally enough to sound like a professional, "I'm afraid I'll have to excuse you though Allegiant General wants me on the bridge," your voice almost died down as soon as stormtroopers greeted both of you and passed you by.

 "Deputy Y/L/N, I don't care what Allegiant General wants from you. Right now I require your help," he said with a frown and he growled at stormtroopers as they passed by.

 Now, while being away from all other First Order scums he felt much calmer and safer but the fear was still settled deep down in his guts.

 After making sure the corridor was completely clear, he leaned closer towards you.

"I beg you, Y/N. Just stay with me."

 Your eyes were focused on his.

"You know it's impossible now," your voice was nothing more but a whisper. "If I won't comply, he'll shoot me without blink of an eye," you explained shortly and straightened your black shirt. "I can meet you in you chamber at night. You better get away from their sight now."

 Your hand was placed on his shoulder where you gently squeezed.

 Armitage didn't want to let you go, he was afraid to do so.

 Hux was apprehensive of his and your life, yours was the most important to him. While his life was miserable since the day he was born and there was no time nor chance for any type of redemption for him, you never did anything bad to deserve the faith that might have encountered you just because of being with him.

 In a desperate move, Hux cupped your cheeks and pulled you into a brief kiss. It was as gentle as touch of wings of a butterfly.

"Just come back here, to me, do you understand, deputy Y/L/N?"

 Hux watched you leave, his mind was racing in a frantic ways as he tried to somehow come up with an idea to save your life at least but to do so he would probably need some kind of miracle.

 Reluctantly Armitage turned on his hill to walk away as well, yet this short moment of calmness was quickly broken by the sight of Pryde's face.

Hux only wanted to return to his chamber at that time.

 "General Hux," older man snapped viciously with a mischievous grin dancing in corners of his lips. "Why are you stopping my officer while she has a lot of things to perform yet?," Pryde asked lowering his voice and coming closer to Hux.

 Hux forced himself to straighten his back, making sure to look as cold and unshaken as always, even if deep inside he literally was whimpering and begging for all of this to end.

 "As far as I know, she isn't yours, Pryde," Armitage answered with his usual voice. "I keep my guard over her since she joined, so please, stop usurp control over mine units."

 Pryde's devious eyes seemed to penetrate Hux's soul through-and-through.

"Don't play with me, you fucking dirtbag. You're nothing like your father, he'd be ashamed of who you've become. I know more than you think, I'm a good observer," he whispered right into Armitage's ear when he stopped next to him. "And that pathetic slut, running around and answering to every call of yours? You think I'm blind? She's only useful when she's on her knees, isn't she?," He laughed darkly.

 "If my poor scumbag of a father knew what or rather who helped his life come to the end, he would be more proud than ever before," Hux muttered looking at the older man. "And this slut, as you called her, is more useful around here than you ever have through your whole carrier."

Hux smiled at another man, improving gloves on his pale hands. "I have my ways, Pryde, so call Deputy Y/L/N a slut again and I will gladly watch how your body dissolve in bacta tank just like old Brendol did. Hope I made myself clear."

 "We'll see so soon who is gonna last longer," Pryde smirked Hux's words off and passed him by only to stop few steps further. "Remember, Hux, I keep my eyes on you."

 After these words man left to bridge, leaving Armitage alone on the corridor.

 -------------------

 The rest of the day was too hard for Hux. He shuffled into his room earlier than ever, happy like never before.

 The chamber gave him a lot of comfort as it was the only private place at the ship and this was what he needed after a day full of pretending.

 Dropping off he heavy coat he marched slowly to take a shower.

The whole process always was calming his nerves down and helping him relax, the simple sensation of the water running down his tensed back was a blessing.

 After that, he walked to the bed, dressed only in the towel and flopped on it, comply exhausted from the troubles of the day and life in general.

 Armitage got himself comfortable and checked the hour, looking at the time already made the feeling of excitement settled in his stomach.

 Hux always looked forward to your arrival, it was a moment worth going through the whole mess called First Order.

 Hour later, in the middle of the night, the door to his chamber opened.

 You stepped in being clearly exhausted but you managed to sent him a soft smile.

You grinned wider when Millicent jumped off the shelf to rub her sides against your leather boots.

 A soft smile played on Armitage's lips while he watched the scene, he was often imagining something like this to himself, he was projecting another version of your common life, just not in such an awful place.

 "She isn't the only one that is happy to see you, love," he said softly, sitting up on the bed properly, just the view of your body made him all warm inside.

 Taking black blazer off you let out a hum.

"Your face is shouting about rough day so I think not only mine was fucking awful," you stated and crouched to scratch Millicent's ear.

 "Every day is a rough since the one I was born, Y/N," Armitage said, getting up from the bed.

 He walked to you, wearing nothing more but a pair of black boxers. When he got close enough, his hands wrapped around your waist and he pulled you closer to himself.

"My life is full of endless pain and suffer but there is a little ray of hope and happiness that shines in my bed every night," Armitage said, looking right into your eyes.

 As soon as you climbed on your tiptoes, you placed a gentle kiss to his jaw.

"Ruthless general in the streets, sweet, charming man in the sheets, aren't you?," You teased him wrapping arms around his neck and brushing your cheek against his. "I missed you so much. Pryde was talking to Ren as soon as he came back. Apparently it wasn't anything good, and I'm being afraid constantly, about you..."

 Armitage purred and nuzzled to you, he never wanted to let you go. His arms tightened around you as he kept you close.

"Of course he did, I am getting more and more worried about you, love. Your safety is important to me," Hux said as he ignored your words, his hand traveled to your cheek. "Let's just...," Hux stopped for a moment looking at you. "Let's get to bed, it's late and I really need you, Y/N."

 "Oh, do you? Is my general in a need?," You whispered softly as your hand traveled to his nape where you gently scratched his skin with nails.

 "Please, don't joke around, Y/N. Not tonight," his voice was a quiet beg.

Soon he pulled you into a kiss full of all the wild emotions filling his soul.

 As two of you were kissing, your hand traveled down to his lower back only to move on his crotch where you stroked him through material of his boxers.

 Hux simply purred loudly into the kiss, despite his fragile-looking body he picked you up easily and walked back to bed with you.

 Placing you gently on the mattress, he towered over you and pulled away.

"I have no idea what I did to deserve you," Armitage hummed as his kisses moved to your neck and shoulder, they quickly changed into little bites.

 Unbuttoning your shirt, you sent him a grin and let out a moan as he played with you.

"You've trained me and seduced me, I might be mistaken with order," you chuckled softly watching his actions.

 Your free hand slipped inside of his boxers where he grabbed his half-erected cock and pumped it few times.

 Armitage growled and bit your neck particularly hard to make sure you won't forget it, then he looked at you.

"I asked you something, didn't I? I am really not in the mood for your jokes, love," he said with a frown, removing your hand from his boxers, he started to place kisses down your chest and stomach.

 You bit your lower lip as you observed him.

 Truth was that being with him wasn't easy, him being a jerk most of times wasn't helping as well but somehow you managed to get along with Hux and vice versa. And you couldn't lie to yourself, his coldness and imperviousness were turning you on.

 Hux quickly undressed lower part of your body and dove between your legs, placing them on his shoulders.

His moves slowed, his skilled tongue circled your clit. Armitage wasted no time and soon three of his long, slender fingers slipped inside of you while he continued insult on the sensitive bundle of nerves.

 Your back arched and head rolled back when you let out a loud moan of pleasure. Slipping hands into his ginger hair, you tugged on them lightly trying to pull his face even closer to your pussy.

"Keep going and you'll make me cum here and now," you warned with a loud gasp.

 He hummed against your clit, sending you some vibrations.

"That's the whole point, don't you think, love?," Armitage looked at you briefly before returning to his work, his fingers started to move in and out faster, reaching deeper and deeper with every thrust.

 With shaking hand you grasped the dating sheets of his bed, your other hand tightened the grasp on his hair.

"Fuck me," you begged openly.

 "You didn't listen to me when I asked you not to joke. So, now? You will lie here until you cum," he told you briefly, never stopping the movement of his fingers.

 Feeling the extending sensation on your abdomen, you rolled head back and moaned.

His name was the only thing to escape your parted lips as you rolled hips for more friction.

 Soon, Hux could feel how your inner walls clenched around his fingers and your glistening juices started to flow out of your core, covering his fingertips.

 "Now, you see? It wasn't so hard, love," Hux grinned and sat up, licking his fingers clean. "On your belly, ass up," Armitage ordered and got up from bed to remove his boxers.

 Blush hit your cheeks out of sudden, you wasn't expecting this of him.

 Armitage was a type of a man who loved to be in charge and you'd do whatever it takes to make your man happy.

 You rolled on your belly and stack your butt up for him, shaking it a little.

"Fuck me, general. I was dreaming about you for entire fucking day!," You encouraged as you grabbed his pillow to rest your breasts and head on it.

 Armitage looked at you, lighting up a cigarette. He smacked your ass and released a cloud of smoke through his nose.

"I don't know, you were a real brat today, love," he muttered, yet his hand traveled to his cock to stroke himself as he watched your naked body.

 You rolled on our back and grimaced angrily as your glance slipped to his unleashed cock. Licking your lips you glared up at man.

"General, your day was tough, so let your deputy help you relax properly. Shall I remind you how tight and wet this pussy is, and all this just for you?," You rolled on your belly again, shaking your butt again.

 "Still, you were a fucking brat," man muttered before finishing his cigarette. Armitage joined you on the bed then. "And I hate when people disobey, Y/N."

Hux grabbed your hips and suddenly pushed his hard cock deep inside of you, he started with a brutal pace, giving you zero time to adjust to him.

 You thanked Force that you were laying on his soft pillow that muffled the loud scream which escaped your lips.

 It was delicious feeling, burning pain mixed with raging desire. Your pussy indeed was still tight, even after all those nights you had spent with Hux in his chamber.

 Hux grabbed your hair to pull your head back.

"Oh no, you are so smart and brave, so you will let the whole place hear you," Armitage ordered wrapping your hair tightly around his fist to make your head stay in the place.

Hux didn't slow down even a little.

"Come on, not so funny anyome, huh? Better move this pretty hand and rub yourself before I break your wrist."

 You licked your lips and moaned loudly. Hux's name rolled out of your lips few times before you licked two of your fingers. Your hand slipped between your parted thighs and you rubbed your clitoris viciously. Sensation was almost unbearable so you gasped with relief as you felt how wet you got for him.

"Just like this, oh fuck!," You grunted in high voice and these words were followed by another moan.

 Armitage growled, making sure to thrust as deep as it was only possible.

"Now be a good girl for fucking once and cum for me," he stated right into your ear, pulling on your hair even harder.

 You used all of your strength to get on your knees and roll your hips for him, allowing his shaft to penetrate your tight pussy as much as he wanted.

You reached one hand back to wrap it around general's neck, and other grabbed his hand that was placed on your hip and moved it right between your thighs.

 General smiled and kissed your arm.

Not so long after his moves became sloppy and man slowed his pace down just a little.

Meantime, his fingers were rubbing over your swollen clitoris as he started to kissing your neck in attempt of searching over your pulse point.

"You see what you're doing to me, now I am going to fill you up, love," he growled loudly and did as he said. His hips stuttered and man filled you up to the brim with his warm, thick cum.

 You bit inside of your cheek as you felt his full lips brushing over your heated skin.

 Loud scream mixed with moan left your parted lips as you rolled head back, resting it over his chest.

 When you felt how his cock started throbbing, almost in the same time your pussy started to clench spasmodically, rhythmically, triggering his cum. As soon as he shot his load in your heated core, your release overwhelmed your body and you trembled all over your features as your cums mixed within your pussy.

"Oh, Gosh," you mumbled with shaking voice.

 Hux chuckled and kissed your cheek.

"You see? For once you were indeed a good girl," man praised and sighed, slowly pulling his flopped cock out of you. Rubbing his face, Hux lied down.

 You gasped sadly at the emptiness in your still heated core and quickly joined him, placing your head on his chest, kissing wherever you could reach.

 Hux sighed softly and looked at the ceiling, his hand gently played with your hair to massage your scalp after pulling on your hair. He didn't say a word, after some time of calmness the dark thoughts returned back to him.

 "Have you ever thought about let go of all this?," You whispered, enjoying his touch. "I wish we could just... Escape."

 Armitage only shook his head.

"This is a ridiculous idea, Y/N. Time to sleep," he said and looked at you. "There is no escape."

 You frowned at his words and tilted head to look him in the eyes. "What do you mean, no escape? It's easier than you think. And it's what we should have done months ago," you said.

 He chuckled.

"If it was so simple then why have I spent my whole life on here, being buried in this shit? Huh?," Hux snapped. "If it would be so easy I would have left earlier."

 He was right partially and you knew it deep inside yet didn't want to admit it.

Placing head back on his bare chest, you listened to his heartbeat for a while.

"I won't die here...," You whispered as cold shiver ran down your spine.

 He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and kissed your forehead.

"You won't die, I will make sure to pull you out of here before they realize I am the spy," Hux whispered, rubbing your arm.

 You listened to him trying your best to calm yourself down.

"I am not going anywhere without you, Armitage," you stated firmly and sat up, covering yourself with his dating sheets. "You think I'll leave you for certain death? Never," you growled deeply, your hands clenched into fists. "I wouldn't be as brave as you are to spy First Order for Resistance. You're doing a good thing," you placed your palm on his shoulder and stroked him there. "If rumours are real and Palpatine is alive... He'll kill everyone as soon as he won't need us to fulfill his homicidal plan anymore. So none of us will walk out of this alive in the end..."

 "You are more important than I am, Y/N! Do you like it or not, I'll make sure that you are gone from here before storm will come!," He snapped at you loudly.

"And sadly rumors are true, Y/N," Armitage added.

 His tone brought tears into your eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere without the only person that keeps me alive through all that madness," you said openly as you got up from his bed and started dressing up. "If they'll find out about you, they'll kill you without blink of an eye, especially Ren or Pryde. And I won't be looking at this idly by."

 "You don't have to leave," Hux said like he wouldn't listen to the words you just said, his eyes never left your body. "Stay here tonight."

 "Did you listen to me?," You asked seriously and looked at him as you buttoned your shirt. "I'm not going to sit here, doing nothing, wasting time that we are already lacking," you told him and walked back to his bed to sit on the edge. "Please. Let's run away together. Before they'll realize what happened, we'll be safe at Resistance hideout."

 "Did you listen to me?," Hux asked you the same question, looking into your eyes. "There is no hope, if you want then run. For me there is no hope left."

 "Why are you like this? Why are you giving up so easily?!," You raised your voice as tears rolled down your cheeks.

 "I am not giving up, love. I am a realist, whatever will happen to me, it's already written somewhere above. Running away from it won't change anything," he shrugged.

 You didn't comment on his words, instead you got up and walked to the door. "I'm going to find access key to one of the Fighters," you informed him. "I'm not going to let them catch you."

 Millicent who was laying on the floor under general's bed got up and lazily stretched her back. Purring loudly she walked to you and rubbed herself against your legs once again.

 Armitage sighed deeply and said nothing, shaking his head gently.

 You gently pushed cat aside, then you left his chamber.

 Armitage watched you leaving his room.

He never wanted to make you cry, this never was his plan. All he has wanted was to make sure you were safe and happy, with or without him.

 Armitage knew that there was no hope for him and the fact you didn't accept it made him angry.

 "Fucking cunt!," He roared and pushed few books that were placed in his desk aside so they fell on the floor with rumble.

 Hux demolished his whole room, throwing and breaking every possible thing.

 Finally, when the anger vanished almost fully, he sank down to his knees watching the whole mess he made.

 Millicent who hid under his bed, joined him when he calmed down. Orange kitten simply meowed and patted Hux's leg with her little paw.

 General sat on the floor and took cat on his lap, he rubbed her under chin.

"What have I done, Millie? Why did I let her go? She's too young, too innocent...," Armitage whispered feeling like his heart was pounding hardly inside his chest.

 Cat looked up at him with its big eyes and meowed again like she would be judging his passivity but soon cat closed its eyes and rolled in a ball on his owner's lap.

 Hux let out a sigh and rubbed his temple.

I'll talk to her at morning, he promised to himself.

And we'll create a plan. Who's the meanest dick in the galaxy after all?! And I won't let Ren win.

Ever.

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[a-dorin]

the encounter | kylo ren

word count: 3,052

warnings: sexual innuendos, domestic harm, yelling, cursing, angst, crying, some smut 

a/n: this is the fifth chapter of the series i have been working on! linked here are the first four chapters! 

summary: you have an unexpected encounter with a visitor, which ends in consequences. familiar faces come to your rescue, saving you from danger. 

“you guys have your-” you stuttered, your eyes widening. 

“we know babes,” a teenage boy smirked, and you immediately connected his voice to his face. 

the young man was phoenix, his sandy blonde hair falling into his eyes. freckles dotted his face, and his complexion was fair. you had no idea that phoenix was so young. he looked barely eighteen. however, his most striking feature were his eyes, as they were a light shade of emerald. 

“we’re allowed to when we eat,” bubba shrugged, “i mean, we do have to eat, (y/n). we’re not droids.”

“it’s just so different,” you breathed, sitting across from the boys.

bubba wasn’t much older than phoenix, probably around nineteen. his complexion was more olive toned, with shiny dark hair. his hair was more styled, shorter than phoenix’s. his jawline was more prominent, his eyes a mocha color. 

phoenix puckered his lips teasingly, “you like what ya see?”

“sure,” you rolled your eyes, picking at your plate, “i feel a lot better now that i know what you both look like. i feel safer, in some way. i’m not sure how or why, but i do.”

“probably because you know we’re not old creeps,” bubba chuckled, taking a swig of water, “how was your impromptu discussion with the dark lord?”

you bit your lip, anxiety rising in you, “it was stressful.”

“i’m assuming she knows what she’s capable of,” phoenix nudged his companion, “did he mention your special abilities?”

“you guys knew?” you gasped, your jaw dropping. 

“of course we did,” bubba’s mood shifted, his lighthearted tone fading, “we were briefed on you before our assignment. we’re not just your guards because you’re kylo ren’s girlfriend. we were assigned to protect you because you’re force sensitive. that makes you incredibly powerful and special. you have no idea how many people in the galaxy desire those capabilities. that’s why you need protection. some individuals would stop at nothing to have you in their grasp. especially those from the resistance.”

“i’m not kylo ren’s girlfriend,” you mumbled, averting your eyes towards your plate.

“not yet,” phoenix teased, “don’t overthink about everything too much, sweets. the overthinking will ruin you. just take it all one step at a time. we’re here for ya.” 

“you guys are the best,” you glanced up a the boys, feeling a wide smile envelop your face, “i really appreciate you both. not just the way you take your job seriously, but the company you both provide. it’s relieving to have you as my friends.” 

bubba grinned, “that’s what we’re here for.”

“by the way,” you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, clearing your throat, “how are you both so young, yet so lethal? were you both trained to be this way?”

“it’s a lot of aspects,” phoenix sucked in a breath, “for me, it was my past, babes. i’ve been through a lot of shit. it’s molded me into who i am.”

“the same for me,” bubba added, “we’re quite extraordinary, actually. we’re stormtroopers who know how to hit our targets.”

you giggled, remembering the common stereotypes about stormtroopers. it was well known throughout the galaxy that they couldn’t make a shot for shit. their aim was extremely poor, “well, that’s relieving.”

“what are your plans for today?” phoenix raised a brow, “we don’t have shit to do but the usual.”

“not sure,” you shrugged, “i usually don’t have anything to do.” 

“wanna steal kylo’s saber again?” bubba goaded, “we can snatch it for you.”

“you two know about that?” a pout formed, and a wave of embarrassment washed over you. 

“he told us about that,” phoenix smirked, “he seemed worried that you knew how to wield it.”

“he talks to you guys?” interest crept into your thoughts, “does he talk about me?”

“i mean our duty is to protect you,” phoenix scoffed teasingly, “he briefs us about you, and how you’re doing or feeling, and then we gauge how we interact with you from there. we want to just fulfill our duties and be your friend too.”

phoenix’s words sounded like music to your ears. you beamed, happiness filling you to the brim. the fact that kylo talked about you to others just sounded so sweet, so caring. it was so unlike his typical demeanor as supreme leader. maybe you were having an affect on him. and not in a terrible way.

“well,” you plucked your tray off the table, sitting up, “i am going to go to kylo’s quarters for a while to rest.” 

“still tired from last night?” phoenix waggled his brows.

you blushed, “no, just didn’t get to sleep as long as i wanted to.”

“he must have woken you up when he left,” bubba nodded, following your lead, “well, phoenix and i are going to snatch the saber. when we get it, we’ll meet you at his quarters. then, we can fuck around with it.”

“you guys are going to get me in trouble,” you whined, “he won’t be too happy with me.”

“wouldn’t you want him to punish you for being bad?” phoenix winked. 

“SHUT UP!” you yelped, the blush within your cheeks intensifying. 

“it’s a joke sweets,” phoenix flirted, winking at you once more. 

you just rolled your eyes, shoving your tray on the conveyor belt for dishes. the boys laughed, the sound echoing through the empty dining hall. both of them slipped their helmets back on, transforming into two different men. 

the three of you walked down the corridor, teasing one another relentlessly. you learned that bubba had a crush on a nurse in the infirmary, while phoenix was falling for a pilot. once you made it to kylo’s quarters you said your goodbyes. a part of you prayed that the boys were joking about their plan to steal kylo’s saber. with them though, who knew. 

remembering kylo’s code, you entered the room, the cold air creeping onto your exposed skin. you were wearing his tunic, along with a pair of pants you found earlier. you assumed kylo left them for you when he had to return to his duties. 

however, an odd feeling settled into your bones, filling your body with anxiety. you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was someone else in the room. and it wasn’t kylo in your head, either. you turned around, seeing a figure emerge from the shadows.

it was a young woman, her features visible in the dim light of kylo’s quarters. she was pale, her silky brunette hair tied in three buns. her brown eyes glimmered, a solemn look across her features. her soft lips were etched in a frown, waves of distress radiating off her. 

“who are you?” you narrowed your eyes, trying to keep it cool. 

“i am rey,” the woman answered, her voice quiet, “are you (y/n)(l/n)?”

“i am,” you swallowed, “how can i see you?”

“you’re force sensitive,” rey replied, “i’ve been trying to reach out to you for a few days. i’m surprised we finally connected.”

“i don’t know who you are,” you shook your head, “i don’t know who you are, rey. it’s best you should go.”

rey stuck her hand out, “you need to listen to me, (y/n). kylo ren, is not the man you believe you know.”

as soon as rey said kylo’s name, anger began to boil inside you, your jaw clenching, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“i do,” rey challenged, her eyes now ablaze, “poe tried to rescue you. yet, you refused. why?”

“my place is here,” your voice began to rise, “my place is here, with kylo.”

“do you know what he’s done? who he has slaughtered?” you knew you were beginning to draw desperation from rey.

“what is going on here?” a new voice echoed from across the room. 

kylo emerged from the shadows, his mask intact, “rey. what a pleasure.” 

a sneer emerged on rey’s face, “you’re a fool for staying by his side, (y/n). we thought there was light in you. i guess we were wrong.” 

rey faded away in the blink of an eye, leaving the room charged with tense energy. you swallowed, turning to face kylo, “how did you know she was here?”

“i could feel it,” his words were ice cold, “did you summon her?”

disbelief clouded your thoughts, “no, of course not. kylo, i don’t even know how to do that.”

“i highly doubt that,” kylo challenged, “you were fully capable of it earlier this morning. you reached out to me and we connected. i saw it happen. you allowed her presence here, (y/n), you were too open, too vulnerable. that’s how she got in.”

“i don’t even know who she is,” you pleaded, hot tears of frustration brimming your lids, “i have no idea what she was talking about.” 

icy fingers wrapped around your throat, filling you with fear as kylo stood across the room, “stop lying, (y/n). admit you reached out to her.”

“i didn’t,” you begged, the tears running down your cheeks, “kylo, i thought about you this morning and that’s how it-”

“STOP LYING TO ME!” kylo’s roar filled the room, deafening to your ears. 

you felt his grip tighten around your throat, your eyes squeezing shut as you squirmed, desperate to get out, desperate for air. you could feel your breaths become shorter as you struggled, kylo’s grip only becoming more and more fierce. your feet left the ground, hovering a few inches off the floor. the doors opened, the noise startling kylo. 

“what’s going on here?” phoenix demanded, alarmed. 

kylo’s choke hold ceased, you falling to the floor, gasping for air. phoenix rushed to you, bubba’s yells of rage filling the room as he screamed at kylo. tears blurred your vision as you glanced up, your hands slipping against the cold marble as you attempted to get up. phoenix scooped in his arms, murmuring words you couldn’t decipher. 

“you’re okay,” phoenix reassured you, “you’re okay, (y/n).”

“h-he,” you began, the words struggling to come out. 

“i know,” phoenix was calm, “we know.”

“he didn’t mean it.”

“i’m not so sure about that,” phoenix muttered darkly. 

he carried you to your own quarters, laying you on your bed. tears ran down your cheeks, your eyes clouded with sadness. how could kylo do that to you? didn’t he care about you? what overcame him, filling him with such rage? 

“we heard him screaming at you,” phoenix sat on the edge of your bed, his voice soft, “our duty is to protect you at all costs, (y/n), even if that means defying kylo ren himself. you’re lucky we heard the commotion. he could have killed you.” 

you laid there, the shock numbing your body, “i just want to see him.”

“not yet,” phoenix was gentle, “bubba is chewing him out right now. and it’s best to keep your distance for a while, if not till tomorrow.” 

“okay,” you mumbled.

“how about you try and rest?” he suggested, setting a hand on your shoulder, “just rest. take a nap. i’ll grab a glass of water for you. we’ll be here when you wake up.” 

you nodded, rolling over in your bed. closing your eyes, you let yourself drift off to sleep, the tears drying on your cheeks. 

************************************ kylo’s pov *****************************************

“how could you do that to her?” yw-382 challenged, his tone cross, “how could you do that to the woman you care about? do you feel any remorse?”

i inhaled sharply, “of course i do. the man you saw, was not me.”

“you can’t let that side of you show around her,” yw-382 sighed, “the battlefield is so much more different than your bedroom, sir. with all due respect, you are an excellent leader, kylo ren. however, what you just did, caused my respect for you to diminish.”

“how do i make it up to her?” desperation filled my voice as i locked eyes with the trooper, “how do i make things right?”

“give her some space,” yo-988′s voice entered my quarters, “she’s asleep for now. i suggest you keep your distance until she wants to see you.” 

“i can’t lose her,” sitting on the edge of my bed, i stared out the viewports, “i don’t know what i would do if she left me.”

“we are well aware of the force bond between you,” yo-988 remarked, “she adores you, sir. if you apologize, and make it known that it will never happen again, i have a strong premonition she will forgive you. she wants to see you.” 

sobs began to rise in the back of my throat, causing my lower lip to tremble. i choked them down, as i could not show any sign of weakness in front of my men. i had to be strong. however, a vile taste filled my mouth as i recalled the events of the afternoon.

“we will approach you when the time is right,” yw-382 reassured me. the men left the room, the door closing behind them. 

letting out a sigh, i laid on the bed, my thoughts clouded with guilt. i felt horrible for my actions. i never intended to harm (y/n). i let my dark side take over in that moment, my judgment horribly incorrect.

(y/n) was right. she had no idea who rey was, as that was their first encounter. (y/n) was only a beginner with the ways of the force. she had a lot to learn. i longed to teach her, to show her the true potential within her. however, would she even want to be around me after what i just did?

i longed to have her next to me, her body pressed against mine. my fingertips ached, as the only action i wanted to carry out was run my fingers through her soft hair. i wanted her to feel safe around me. to feel protected and loved. i never intended to choke her. 

the memory plagued my mind, her desperate cries ingrained in my head. god, how could i have been such a vile man? how could i had done that? it was a total betrayal of her trust. 

desperately, my mind wandered over to her as she slept in her quarters. i found myself standing near her bed, watching as her chest rose and fell. my tunic draped over her body, the black color blending in with the covers. i wanted to touch her so bad. i wanted to make things right. yet, i couldn’t. 

it went without saying that (y/n) was the light of my life. i adored her with all of my being. all i wished to do was wrap her in my arms, holding her tightly against my body. 

(y/n) stirred, rolling over, “kylo?”

her voice, so beautiful, was like music to my ears, “i’m here.”

“but you’re not,” her voice was thick with sleep, “i want you here.”

“are you sure?” i was apprehensive, fear that she wanted nothing to do with me rising in my thoughts.

“why wouldn’t i?” 

“i’ll be right there,” i whispered, feeling myself fade from the room. i blinked, the familiar sight of my quarters filling my vision.  

sitting up, i sprang off my bed, sprinting out of my room. running down the corridors, i encountered several lefts and rights, turning endlessly. it felt like forever, my steps bouncing off the walls. finally, i arrived to her quarters, my breathing coming in short, ragged breaths. yo-988 and yw-382 must have wandered off to the armory, for shooting practice. softly, i rapped my knuckles against the doors. 

she opened them, the light illuminating her features. a soft smile appeared on (y/n)’s face, “you came.”

“let me see,” i demanded, entering the room. i needed to see if i left any marks on her neck. 

hesitantly, she brushed her hair away from her neck, exposing her skin to me. deep burgundy marks were starting to form, mixing with the purple shades from the love bites i left not long ago. a sigh escaped my lips, my fingertips brushing the skin where there were shapes of fingers. 

“i’m so sorry,” i could barely hear my own words.

“kylo,” god, she was so gentle with me, so patient, “i know that the person who committed that act wasn’t you.”

“thank goodness,” i chuckled softly. 

“i think i’m going to lay down some more,” (y/n) stated, her eyes meeting mine. 

“i’ll lay with you,” i offered. 

she laid on her bed, curling up. following her, i wrapped her in my embrace, pressing gentle kisses along her neck. my hand snaked up the tunic, scratching her back lightly. she let out a sigh of contentment, “i still feel the same about you, stop doubting yourself.” 

i widened my eyes in surprise, “you do?”

(y/n) rolled over, our faces only inches apart. her eyes glimmered in the low light, “of course kylo ren.”

my whole exterior crumbled, softening at the sound of my name. god, this woman was going to be the death of me. i ran my fingers through her hair, leaning in. her lips brushed mine, our mouths suddenly colliding.

her lips tasted like strawberries, a sweet taste that i couldn’t get enough of. my tongue entered her mouth, the kisses becoming more and more needy as i rolled on top of her. she moaned softly, allowing my tongue to explore, raking against her teeth. her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me in closer to her body. 

my breathing intensified as a hand began to palm the bulge in my trousers. my breaths became ragged as she ran her hand down the length of my cock, hardening under her touch. i dissolved, becoming putty in her hands. i wanted to fuck her. the way she deserved. a slow, gentle fuck, where she saw stars in her eyes while i made her cum. 

“kylo,” she moaned. the sound of my name from her lips intensified my ache to touch her. to feel her. to hear her moans echo through the room. 

i kissed her neck, leaving sloppy kisses. she unbuttoned her pants, sliding them down her legs. my tunic came off as well, cast to the floor.

taking in the sight of her, i lost all off my inhibitions. 

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