#like idk it's always people who are so anxious about how other people perceive them and are afraid of people hating them

[stellardeer]

does anyone else ever experience this or know what the proper response is cause i feel like this keeps happening

friend: I am very anxious about being liked and I want everyone to think I'm cool :(

me: you worry too much about what other people think of you, you can't please everyone, you should stop trying so hard to be cool and just be yourself! (:

friend: you're so right, thank you for the advice (: *becomes rude and inconsiderate of others*

me: oh... well I guess.. if that's who you want to be... 😐

[big-box-of-kinda-silly-fop-ideas]

Just wanted to make like a proper way bio thing for peri (irep coming soon probably if i bother)

I would write fanfiction but uh idk if i could so these are more like characters notes

real long post below

Peri is a highly independent adult, he doesn’t like being coddled or touched without any warning and isnt the type to ask for help at all even if he really needs it. He’s an extremely closed off person using the suave act as a way to personally seperate himself to others which he developed due to his celebrity status, the suave personality also acts as a way to keep face as he never knows where could be camera. He pretends this cool collected guy, that can worm his way to getting anything (which is true) that has everything under control but in reality he’s this kinda dorky dude, that always anxious on how people perceive him and his grades. He’s an overachiever, after the initial first baby born hype died down he’s mostly known as the really smart youngest fairy in existence, he’s was an academic weapon throughout spellementary school and hs (im basing his education system off mine which is only two schools no middle 4-12 and 12-18) and came to uni with overconfidence in his educational abilities. Theres one thing thats consistent between his suave act and his actual self which is he’s petty as hell and very snarky, you can try talking him down but he’ll roast you back or give you a vaguely threatening threat. As well as being a bit prideful and vain, like he knows he’s pretty and smart and cares a lot about his appearance.

In this uni au he’ll be a bit of a static character he doesnt grow much, and struggles with demonstrating his affection or his struggles. (Which is why dev and peri dont exactly work much cause peri is overcompensating on how much coddling he got, and show affection in a more subtle way that dev doesn’t need as he need a more direct way (and heres a thought i dont think peri wouldve ever said he cared for dev unless delirious) ) . But he’s more openly affectionate with his parents cause he loves them. What he mainly goes through is humbling, he starts fairly prideful and overconfident but starts to slowly crumble from the pressure and anxiety. As in he doesnt say no to anything, hes somehow always busy or doing something, he also studies not enough and too much (crams shit in) and he also got his celebrity things to do. Another arc will be opening up to Goldie and Irep (but they'll be his only friends) cause he doesnt learn shit about how to socialise without depending on the act. He’s also easily frustrated, if things dont go in the way he wants he gets frustrated at himself, like he really put his self worth on his abilities to do things and less on who he is as a person. Like everyone praised him for his intelligence, charm, talent, magic and appearance, like he hates being coddled but he likes being praised, while irep doesnt get praised and seeks getting praised. But that doesnt change the fact he is a genuinely nice-ish person he just doesn’t like disappointing people, especially those close to him but he’s got a bit of an ego but not in a narcissistic way but in a young adult way where he doesnt exactly think for others first but for himself because he doesnt want to disappoint people. (Which is seen in battle of dimmsonian where hes more worried about being seen by his parents and his career choices then dev). Which is also why he’s a stickler to the rules, like he doesnt want people to think he’s bad person but also jorgen literally drilled it into him that breaking the rules is bad. Like he’s the type to do it right by the books, that comes from him being a bit of a people pleaser, and genuine concern of him messing up his perfect facade.

Speaking of Goldie, i would describe their relationship as fairly close. It takes a while for the either of them to open up to anything personal but they start off as friends of mutual benefits. They use eachother as study buddies, people to hang out with and to talk about their slightly weird interests. And the more they go through uni the more they will confide with each other. Like i imagine a tipping off point for their friendship is when peri finally breaks and gets like a panic attack, Goldie will be there to boost him up. Irep is also their friend but he’s in it more to best Peri or to piss him off. Irep is one of few to see through his act and knows how to break it.

Like genuinely i do think hazel and peri may be counterparts to each other like they both lost their sibling figure, both overthinks scenarios and both want to be appear more mature then they actually are. Like i want anw to be where he grows the most because he’s more challenged to question his behaviours and habits, especially with how these traits affect his and dev’s relationship for the worse.

[the-s1lly-corner]

i have a cute request to make

the tadc gang with a shy and introvert child reader

basically reader is very shy and barely speaks, and when needs to talk they just whisper, kinda like fluttershy!

reader hates loud noises so they barely goes to an IHA with the gang, only if they are bored or someone asks them to go, reader just likes being alone for the silence

but, reader does some cute things for the cast, they make little presents, everytime that the gang is in the IHA, reader is busy in their room making little presents, like paper flowers and stuff and leaves at the gang's doorstep, with cute little messages, like: "ur so cool!" "ur doing so well!" before running back to their room.

Caine, Jax, Pomni x shy!sweet!child!reader who hates loud noises (platonic)

i hope you dont mind me running this through the wheel to select characters </3 i still dont take full cast posts/nm i think imma answer this then maybe write an extra post or two (idk we'll see after i write this one); then thats probably it for today, since i think imma work on more art again.. not really behind on my personal goals anymore, just have some ideas that i want to at least sketch so i have that done

CAINE:

would try to make the IHAs a little more quiet and calm but with caines energy and his thought process of "it needs to be stimulating so the circus members dont lose it to the monotony"... sometimes he slips. i was going to say he descends into the adventure waving around a red card making all the IHA-stuff freeze as a joke... but i can genuinely see him doing that. most of the time watches over the IHA now that you're here. you're like his lil kid!! tries to be a dad, falls into common dad stereotypes because thats all he really knows.. though he himself can be a little loud and all over the place... and perhaps even overbearing every now and then... WILL show off whatever notes and gifts you leave for him to everyone else. will make a wall in the common room to hang up your art so everyone can see it

POMNI:

i wouldnt say pomni is shy, but i do think overall she is an anxious person and in introvert... of which is more prominent due to being in the circus (you know, a place thats stressing her out) so it lets you two relate.. and it kind of makes pomni pull herself together for you.. so in a way youre kind of her reasoning to keep going no matter how many times she fails to find the exit; as grim as it sounds. keeps all your gifts and notes in her room on display because unlike SOME people shes not all the concerned with her image or how shes perceived (jax). will try to take you away from a place if theres some noise, usually this is either the common room where everyone else is hanging out at or during IHAs... probably lets you crash in one of your rooms until you feel better. i think she would probably get someone to get you something (like a toy or snack) while she keeps an eye on you

JAX:

i think he would subtly try to get you to stand up for yourself before being blunt that you need to start speaking up. he WAS going to say something about how hes not going to always be there to talk for you buuuuut in the digital circus theres some.. not good implications with that statement, at least a little more than the irl version. less of a parent figure and more of an older brother one.. does keep your notes, though hes not going to tell anyone and hes going to deny it if anyone ever brings it up. hes an asshole but hes not heartless. tries to limit his pranks that can make loud noises, will also play it off to others that he just doesnt feel like doing those pranks anymore. but everyone knows, you know?

[karmathehalflander]

Why both Eddie and Venom are autistic and how the movies are actually a metaphor for neurodivergence

Includes some of my personal headcanons and concepts that I’ve been thinking about and need to share.

BE WARNED!!! This post is a bit long (and also a cringy, rambling, nonsensical mess) full thing under cut.

Some quick notes before we begin: when I have one of their names at the beginning of a section it means anything in that section only applies to one of them. (Idk, I couldn’t figure out how to organize this, you’ll see what I mean)

I don’t know much comic lore, all of this is based off of the movies. Though the movies are a different universe so I don’t think it will matter too much.

Also I use He/They/It pronouns for Venom.

In the end, Im just one guy with a hyper fixation please take everything I say with a grain of salt and feel free to add on or correct me about stuff. Especially if I say anything stereotypical or offensive about nurodivergance/autism a lot of this is based on some personal experience and I absolutely make mistakes and generalizations.

Alright enough of my yapping let’s get to it.

Overall big picture stuff

Applies to Both of them

the whole concept of them being “losers” together is kind of autistic coded. Autistic people are often viewed as incompetent or childish or useless. And I like to think they are connecting over that shared experience.

Noise sensitivity!!! Both of them have noise sensitivity! I probably don’t need to elaborate that much but that one scene in their apartment was some of the best overstimulation representation I’ve ever seen overstimulation guitar scene

Venom

Venom comes across as unfeeling because they don’t emote in a “normal” way.

They’re very blunt and literal.

Venom sometimes has a slightly higher-pitched voice when excited or angry. Which I’m going to attribute to him masking. He wants to appear tougher and scarier. This is important to its species and Venom, who is already perceived as weak by their peers, intentionally deepens his voice a bit to blend in. (This is definitely a headcanon but I love this concept so I don’t care that the real reason is that the voice modifier they use does silly things)

This is also why I think it’s so concerned about Eddie and him “looking bad” Looking weak was dangerous and they trained themself to hide “weakness”

It’s always “How does Venom affect people” and never “What does Venom need and how do other people’s actions affect them”

Venom prefers to express its thoughts and feelings through mental connection with its host and then have that person relay the information to whomever they are “speaking” to. Nonverbal communication!

Venom not understanding humans (social interaction, conventions, etc.) is kind of autistic coded.

Eddie

Edie kind of disregards a lot of social conventions. Still hangs out with his ex-fiancé AND her boyfriend. He also doesn’t seem to mind talking to Venom out loud.

Eddies is just kind of anxious in general.

Eddie struggles to find full time employment.

On that vein, he also struggles to maintain relationships.

Eddie's sense of justice. Eddie has a strong sense of justice and morals that often don’t align with generally accepted values and he follows this view of justice and morality to an absurd degree and it often gets him in trouble. Aka, the entire plot of the first movie is because Eddie has autism.

He wears the same clothes all the time.

Specific moments that I think about

Venom

Venom chewing on the tire swing (they both have oral stims btw)

Sand between his toes. Idk I just thought it was cute and chose to believe they like the sensation.

Say it with me. Tater tots are a safe food!!!

Venom rocks back and forth a lot.

This is a stretch but when Venom is like “look at all these weirdos, my kind of people” it’s a metaphor for him being queer but I’d argue it also kind of fits with neurodivergence. Neurodivergent people often connect with “weirdos” (other neurodivergent people)

Likes organization “Pile of bodies, pile of heads”

Eddie

I’ve been told Eddie chews on his necklace at the beginning of the movie but I can’t find the clip and can’t do a rewatch right now so take that with a grain of salt… (I chose to believe this happened though. Also his bracelets are stim heaven)

When he says “Oh, I have a parasite” to Mrs. Chen he had no clue what to say here. He just said the first thing that came to mind and panicked instead of explaining.

Also the way he says things funny. Ex: “✨It’s a treeeee✨” supa, supa, fhasstt” “Heee…. has. one. up. hi’s. Ass toooooo” “ET. Phone home. Aliens? 😃” I chose to believe they are vocal stims (I also attempted to find a compilation but I couldn’t find any. Maybe I’ll make one sometime)

Eddie also makes sound effects a lot.

Eddie writes notes on pen and paper instead of digitally.

He apologizes an excessive amount. Like he says “I’m sorry” to people actively trying to kill him. Which is so real.

“I just bit that guys head off” “I, uhhh, yea I’ve been there it’s not fun” 😕

Eddie also rocks back and forth. Which can be seen in this scene

Quick segment into why I think Venom was rejected by other Klyntar (it’s because he has autism)

Venom doesn’t adapt as quickly or as efficiently as other Klyntar. It doesn’t handle change well.

All of the normal Klyntar weaknesses are turned up to 1000 with them. Instead of just certain frequencies, the range that hurts him is larger and is also affected by loud noises. As shown by: “Venom” car alarm scene

instead of just fire, heat also bothers it. Also doesn’t adapt to light well. (Just a headcanon)

Can’t create weapons out of their body like other Klyntar. struggles with “simple” skills.

Much more emotional than other Klyntar and develop attachments (also purely a headcanon)

Just overall didn’t fit well into their society.

Just headcanons

Venom and Eddie are so compatible because their brains work the same way.

“I wish I could just mentally project my thoughts and feelings directly into your brain. Oh wait, we can do that!”

Venom also has temperature sensitivities. He gets hot.

Venom likes to stim to low key music, mainly jazz and lo-fi. Does the one song on repeat for three hours to wring all the happy chemicals out of it like a dish rag thing.

Venom also absolutely loves cheesy pop music (unrelated to anything here but I’m right and I needed to include it)

Venom functions as a weighted blanket for Eddie when he’s anxious. Maybe even hides under his shirt and stuff and becomes an extra weight.

Eddie stims with his jewelry.

Venom likes to sit in the freezer. Sometimes they visit Mrs. Chen's walk in just to chill (lol)

Purely my opinion but I think Venom also has some light sensitivity for a bit because it’s not used to being in such a bright environment. He gets used to it eventually but every once in awhile he finds the city lights overstimulating.

They are both very tactile. Touching things. Love a good texture.

Venom is super particular about food for someone who eats out the garbage but certain textures and flavors drive them crazy.

Venom hates vegetables. (Except for celery because it likes the crunchy and stringyness of it)

How all of this makes for a great metaphor!

Feeling like an alien in the world is probably the most relatable thing for a lot of nurodivergent people. Like there’s a manual for being human you don’t have. And just the concept of a literal alien showing up and struggling to navigate in a world not made for it is so relatable!

The way they both immediately connect to each other because they have the same weird brain stuff and weren’t accepted by their respective societies is so adorable and wholesome.

“We’re not so different, you and I” This line lives rent-free in my mind at all times. It’s my favorite quote. I think it perfectly encapsulates their relationship and why it’s special. They have autism and are bonding because the other is the first person who truly understands them! (Cries, screams, throws up)

In conclusion

They are in love and have autism. And they cling to each other because they are the first people to truly understand each other. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Also I listened to UFO by Smith and Thell on loop while writing this. It’s very autistic symbrock coded so give it a listen if you’re a fan of inde-pop.

[bluegekk0]

Day 6295 of treating this place as a personal diary

Idk what I'm trying to accomplish here, I guess I just wanted to vent. But eh, everything just feels so exhausting. Maybe it's all the heat that's making me go crazy but I feel so tired, anxious and irritable lately. I get the feeling that some of my friends are weirded out or sick of me so I instinctively distance myself just to not interact too much (because nearly every time something happens that makes me suspect I made them upset). I get so irritated at the most stupid things, like someone on my dash spam reblogging something I don't really care about (which they have every right to do, though gods I wish there was a way to hide blocked tags on mobile, I don't wanna unfollow people for something this stupid) or seeing interpretations and headcanons of my favorite characters that feel grossly out of character (I started just blocking people for that, maybe it's immature but eh I come here to find escape not get slapped in the face with that stuff), and other crap that really doesn't matter in the long run. I need the idgaf energy in my life but no matter how hard I try, it still feels like I'm just overly sensitive and I worry it makes me feel like a little crybaby. Hell, the fact that I always worry about how I'm perceived feels so draining on its own.

It really just all makes me want to curl up and disappear. And in all of this I can't shake off the impression that maybe I'm just a bad person who needs to stop the self-pity party and do better. Fun.

[happi-tree]

hii!! idk if ur still doing the ask game but if u are maybe yeet and/or killa?? they're my kids i love them so much

Omg CEO of Yeet and Killa in my ask box 😳😳😳 I'm absolutely obsessed with your designs for them btw! Don't worry about it, lovebird, I gotchu :D

Buckle up, bc I have a feeling this one's gonna be pretty long!

YEET BIGLY

Sexuality Headcanon: Queer. I'm sorry, Mr. Burch, but I just know him better! There is NO way that boy is straight. Repressed super-ally? Maybe. Straight? Absolutely not get out of my house

Gender Headcanon: Does not give a single shit about gender. He's too busy being the coolest guy alive to care about how people perceive his gender. Prefers he/him and they/them over she/her, but accepts all pronouns

A ship I have with said character: Weeps. Grant and Yeet would've been SO CUTE I'm in mourning every day.

A BROTP I have with said character: Yeet and Killa are the brother-sister duo of all time other sibling pairs WISH they looked this cool together. They always always have each other's back and they're so ride or die for each other in a world where everything is uncertain and either of them could die in the war games at any minute and- sorry sorry I'm just. They're so much!

A NOTP I have with said character: Honestly? N/A I think Yeet should get a little kissy and I don't really mind who he gets it from!!!

A random headcanon: Yeet and Killa end up kinda loaded by the end of s1 - they even have a house and everything! But I think transitioning to a life where they can just,,, be kids without having to fight to the death every day to put food on the table,,, is pretty difficult for the both of them. I think Yeet probably goes hunting for their food rather than buying it at the various markets around them - frugality is a habit at this point even if they're relatively well-off, and the satisfaction of having a successful hunt curbs his adrenaline cravings. How he manages to be stealthy with a skateboard for feet? Idk but I'll leave that up to your imagination.

General Opinion over said character: BELOVED. He is so cool and pretty,,, if I was a teen in the Forgotten Realms he would awaken the comphet in me I just know it.

KILLA DEMALL

Sexuality Headcanon: Shifts between aroallo and aroace for me depending on the day! Girl does not give a fuck about romance. Why would she when there is Killing and Maiming to be done

Gender Headcanon: She is soooooooo trans to me actually. Unbeatable tgirl swag nobody is doing it like her!!! She/they as well but with a heavy emphasis on the she.

A ship I have with said character: Don't really have one! She could pull anyone she wanted to though and I respect her so hard for that.

A BROTP I have with said character: I already said Yeet and Killa for Yeet's, so here, I think I'll go with Killa and Grant! I don't see them talked about a whole lot but I think their dynamic could be soooo interesting! Like you've been fighting for the majority of your life and all of a sudden this new kid gets shipped in and he's clearly not from anywhere you've ever been and he's wearing strange clothes but you can see the relief in his face when he spots you and your brother for the first time. And this kid is so clearly out of his depth and he's anxious and scared and he gets kinda sad sometimes but goddamnit, you want to see him get out of this alive. Even when his brain function seems to shut down around Yeet. Perhaps especially then, because it's nice to see someone besides you caring about your sibling for once.

A NOTP I have with said character: I'm pretty open to anything, but I definitely couldn't see Killa with any of the kiddads. Sorry!

A random headcanon: Killa is pretty good with hair! She always does Yeet's for him and helps him out on wash days - I imagine it's pretty hard to style your own hair without a mirror, so Killa and Yeet will help wash and style each other's. A small amount of Killa's portion of award money always goes toward hair products and cute little hair accessories like cuffs and beads and such - it's something that can remind them both that there's more to life than just the games. And, of course, it gives both of them a few more cool points, which is very important. Gotta slay while you slay, yk!

General Opinion over said character: CRIMINALLY underrated. I love her so much and I need to know more about her. Please please please bring her and Yeet back for s2 Anthony. Please it would be so cool,,,

[crassinova]

Tell me about your OCs 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

UPDATE DEC 14 2023 if you saw the last one no you did NOT NO YOU DIDNT! NO YOU DID NOT THat was embarrasing so now heres a cooler and BETTER ONE

TW: Drug abuse, Religious trauma (implied homophobia)

uaga what was i gonna type down here again????? oh well uhh thankyou everyone and fuck you tenna

Images below are placeholders for now before i remake/made all their reference sheets. again if anything sounds weird blame my lack of vocabulary and everything

anyway thank you for reaiding

“Chancellor” (He/Him)

A mysterious stranger who is seen wandering in the wastes, appearing and disappearing. He is perceived as a guardian angel to people who were once saved by him from danger. Though some others think differently, believing he is a “prolific serial killer” due to his abundant kills and getting away with it freely. Previously seen in the Mojave frequently tagging along with the lone courier, MJ Akabine, until he disappeared to the Commonwealth to occasionally aid the sole survivor, Cain Cross, on finding his son…while also being chased by the synth detective again. It makes you really wonder what his story is if the detective is so adamant on knowing more about him, especially how little is known about him.

Trivia:

Is occasionally seen in The Tops theatre at 10PM to listen to The Lonesome Drifter. Assumptions is that its his favorite singer since he’s seen more often when the drifter was introduced in the tops.

He can play the guitar!

Has a fear of fire…why is that necessary???

Marty Jean “MJ” Akabine (they/them)

An eccentric and sneaky gunslinger and part-time mad scientist who can always lend a hand (metaphorically and literally) to people who are in need of help. Though despite his quirky and eccentric behavior towards their close friends and victims they are quite an anxious mess! ( their charisma is a 1 or 2… or even at the negatives).

Occasionally been seen dragging raiders/ dangerous people to a recluse area to experiment on them to make new unique healing items and for curiosity sake. If the victim is lucky to survive their experiments they set them free, expecting the victim that they stop their reign of terror.

Back when they were a courier…well an ex-courier they had a strong obsession on becoming stronger so they can prove to people he is capable of surviving the wastes. They were really insecure about everything about themself like “What will make me stronger?” or “Will this makes me stronger?” which in their solution to that is to take drugs and force themselves to use more blunt fighting methods because they think it’ll make them “stronger”. That didn’t go so well.

Trivia:

Has a special interest in all kinds of small little creatures like insects and bugs as they are dressed like a cazador that are mostly populated in the Mojave.

Probably ate someone, theres no evidence of it but he probably did or not idk

has a strong father-son relationship with Chancey. The coat he has on right now is from Chancey before they have to seperate paths. They just "slightly" modified it

He got that name because two (or three) of his groupmates named him at the same time. Which formed Marty Jean Akabine. (though in reality its my indecisive ass having trouble choosing Jean and Marty so i used both. Oh yeah the name "Marty" idea is when i remembered the protag from back to the future for some reason and thought it was cool)

Cain Cross (He/Him)

A sole survivor from the great war who was under cryogenic stasis beneath vault 111 for 2 decades, a man lost in time trying to find his lost son to rebuild his life. His life before the Great War was decent to say the least, if you ignore his struggles. He was apart of the Cross family, a religious and wealthy family that want what’s best for their children, to be pure and free of sin. For what seems to be a straight male with a loving family with a wife and a child, he kept that act for as long as he can remember in the name of everyone, to his parents, society, and God. All what his parents taught him go in vain as he prayed on and on wishing he could wash away the sins he made with a man during the 2nd Battalion. The guilt lingers on due to the fact he never told his wife about the affair before she died.

Trivia:

Gay (if it isnt obvious enough. He likes Maccready) and also asexual

Really likes detective media like the silver shroud, his parents didn’t like him liking childish things so he reads them in secret.

he wears shades because to look cool and because i would also be irritated if the sun keeps blinding me

think of johnny cage but hes not egotistical and suffers from internalized homophobia

Abel Cross (He/They?)

Back before the war, they were perceived as the “The golden child” due to his outstanding grades and leadership skills. Their parents noticed his potential in the business and planned his entire life of being a business man… a life he never even wanted. He wasn’t fond of the attention as they like their time alone (and also with his brother, Cain). He wanted to do art which was something he was passionate in because it gives him freedom to do whatever with a canvas, he wanted to be free, to make their own choices. But he wanted to make his parents proud of him, they already planned his life around and he didn’t want to disrupt their plans so he forced himself into business. And for what? a couple of bones and a person who doesn’t exist?

Trivia:

had a huge identity crisis after the war (imagine having your parents shape your life and identity that you have no free will. he started to draw and paint more after the war so that’s good atleast)

Despite his charismatic personality he really just wants to sleep and watch his brother play video games and make art and eat hot chip and lie (he’s bisexual)

Lustful. Though he has to keep it a secret because of his parents strict behavior (Cain is aware of it but he doesnt tell because he isn’t a snitch(i wont elaborate than that because im uncomfortable just talking abt it further for now))

fun fact abt the Cross siblings: they have a matching snake tattoo that representing “sin” and freedom from their religious background. (based on the serpent in the Adam and Eve story)

YIAPEEE DONE ATLAST!!!!!!! thank you for reading this behemoth of text!!!!! there are more fallout ocs to be told but these 4 are the ones that I like so aahwhahhwhahwaaaaa !!!!! Shout out to my friend tenna for reading this once in a while I really hate them

[stuckinapril]

Have you ever felt that people are constantly judging you for your decisions about how you live your life? What advice would you give to someone who is always worried and anxious and feels completely alone because of other people? I'm tired of everyone judging me for everything

this might seem a bit odd, but the biggest thing that has helped me w this is realizing most people don’t really, truly care. & i mean that in the best way possible. people are self-absorbed, concerned w what they’re doing above all else. they’re not going out of their way to think about you. idk about you, but i think that’s so dope. it’s so liberating. it’s a realization that has freed me in many more ways than i could say. it doesn’t have to mean that you’re forgettable; for me, it means i get to do whatever i want without having to worry about how people perceive it.

but i get it. we’re young adults, & in the process of establishing ourselves, we feel like a lot of people are judging us. but the truth of the matter is this imaginary audience is just our minds playing tricks on us. think of a time you gossiped about someone. if that’s not your thing, think about a time you were critical—on any level—about someone’s decision/choice/whatever. did you go out of your way to think about them for the rest of the day? were you so concerned w their life that you forgot yours? i’d guess no. & that’s the way people treat other people. thoughts of others tend to be fleeting at best. don’t let other people’s thoughts rule your life, especially when they’re mostly busy worrying about theirs instead. it’s pointless.

just do what makes you happy. if you’re happy w your decisions, don’t give a fuck about anyone else’s take on your self-fulfillment. old age comes so fast. it’s not worth it to waste the precious time we have on here stressing about what anyone has to say. & if you have people in your life who knock you down, whose criticism comes from a place of spite & nothing else, i’d seriously consider cutting them out. surround yourself w people who want to see you live your best life. those are the ones who care about seeing you flourish over anything else. & they’re out there.

[femmefatalevibe]

hellooo,

i need help. in my friend group we are 4, and i’m the most introverted. my friends are super sweet like our friendship is so open and we talk abt everything but the thing is, they’re so much more outgoing than me and like even when we go out or to parties and hang out with other ppl they always shine, like they’re so fun and funny and all the attention is on them, and they’re just genuinely being themselves. i hate to say it but i’m so jealous and insecure from that. i love them to death but i just feel like the side character when we hang out and idk how to change that…

i hate the way this sounds, i’m not bringing them down at all i love them and they make me so happy but i can’t help but comparing and noticing how i often just end up drifting along with them… idk what’s wrong with me, i don’t know how to be comfortable to be myself at all times or how to be a version of myself who’s so confident, careless, fun and outgoing like them, i just don’t know what’s wrong with me i just feel like the duff (designated ugly fat friend) when i’m with them, even tho that’s not how i perceive myself normally at all but i just feel like i’m awkward and weird compared to them i get so uncomfortable and anxious i don’t know what to do

sorry if this is all over the place, love you lots !! 🤍

Hi love! I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Social anxiety and any related insecurities can feel like a bitch lol. Know that you're not alone! Most (if not all) of us feel this way from time to time or at some stage or season(s) of life.

When you doubt yourself like you were at a party or while typing out this ask, consider this mindset reframe: Think about this situation from a purely logical POV. All four of you are good friends for a reason. You see each other as equals who all bring unique qualities and personalities to the friend group. Being different allows you to contribute a unique (and necessary) energy to the friend group. Feeling like you're less than others leads to self-fulfilling and unnecessary misery.

Before hanging out with your friends again or going to a party, take some time to consider your best qualities, personal strengths, and talents. Focus on these qualities and allow yourself to validate how these aspects of your personality make you unique, not incomplete. Fake confidence until it becomes innate. Remember that your presence is valued. Tell yourself that you're the hottest person in the room with the most confident attitude and important things to say. People will begin to believe that you're confident and secure with yourself when you give yourself permission to internalize this reality for yourself.

Sending love! Hope this helps xx

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, reading your posts made me realize I’m likely an INFJ in a terrible loop. For the last 6 months i’ve been reading about mbti I thought I was INTJ, and every test i tried said it too, but i didnt and still don’t understand Fe vs Te, even after reading your posts. But INFJ in a loop sounds a lot like me. So let’s go with that.

My auxiliary function is suffering. When I’m outside I have this tendency to observe people, the room, their behavior and enjoy dwelling in it, as if I’m reading a novel. It bothers me when someone says or acts rude, when a man bothers a woman like a creep.

In my head i’m so criticizing of other people. And if i’m not criticizing, im acting as if i can read everything about another person. I know this sounds horrible and very narcissistic, but i want to be honest to fix myself. And I know i’m doing this overthinking in social situations to defend myself by acting as if im superior.

But i just observe, i never interact. I havent talked to a single person in my class in university, since im a few years older (24 in a room of 21yo people). Even though i know if i want to socialize thats the right place. I start thinking: if i talk to them, they will get to know me, they will find that i failed or that i dont have a lot of my shit together, and then i will be judged. So why bother. And i know that its so flimsy and stupid. I only made one friend in my old uni before changing courses.

This is not only at university btw. I dont go out in the evenings, or try to meet new people, because i literally have no fucking idea of how to do it without looking like a misfit. My old friends are all very distant now, and while I know many people everything I never really dated, and while i have this insane void of emotional intimacy, i keep rationalising every attempt of experiencing life. I live in a shell.

And the fact i haven’t dated and i’m 24, is so scary. I’m not even ugly or that uninteresting or without hobbies, because people told me the opposite many times, but i dont know why i cant come out of my shell. This is not only about dating, but in general. Im always distant emotionally and end up thinking about it instead of living it. Because im a grown man scared of being judged for my smiles,tears and my love.

I think i have some trauma issues from my teens, when i talked to a girl on facebook for 2 years listening to her problems because i liked her, without ever approaching her irl (because i was a scared teenager idk why). It was a one way thing. I was basically her diary in human form. When i told her my feelings it was too late. After that i ended in a 1 yr depression, and it definitely marked me as a person. I never really opened myself emotionally with anyone else after. Maybe this is not even trauma, it actually feels demeaning to call it as such when other people have suffered more.

This post is a mess. Maybe im just overthinking, and you’ll probably read this and think i need therapy and/or im mistyped . But I really want to break these chains, and hearing an insight from someone who understand people very well could help.

------------------------

If I understand correctly, the main problem is you are closed off and unable to open up. It sounds like you are very afraid of socializing, most likely because you are afraid of being hurt by other people's negative judgments of you (it is a common problem related to unhealthy Fe). There are several factors that may be contributing to this problem:

- Low Self-Worth: You exhibit oversensitivity that arises from using other people's judgments to define your identity and/or determine your personal worth. If you're always worried about how you're being perceived, then you will of course feel anxious about interacting with anyone you're unsure about. This makes it very difficult to meet new people and expand your social circle.

- "Mindreading": You presume to know what others think, without any evidence, easily jumping straight to the worst case scenario. This is a defense mechanism that gives you a false sense of control, as though you're preparing yourself for the worst to happen. As such, you manage to talk yourself out of socializing, losing every opportunity to learn and grow socially.

- Unresolved Past: You've had negative relationship experiences in the past. When you don't resolve negative feelings, learn the right lessons from them, and consciously put the past behind you, you will take the past and project it into the future, expecting it to happen again. This means you are out of touch with reality because you never treat people as NEW people and give them the benefit of the doubt. You assume that people are out to hurt you and you build walls of protection, which conveniently prevents anyone from knowing you and getting close enough to want a relationship with you.

- Lack of Social Skills: It's hard to feel confident when you're incompetent. Even if you were to work up the courage to meet new people, it sounds like you would still lack the skills required to develop the relationship. Immature INFJs often suffer in relationships because of unrealistic ideas and/or unreasonable expectations, which is often related to faulty reasoning patterns (Ti loop). Social skills are called "skills" because anyone can learn and improve them. If you care about being a better version of yourself, you have to be honest about your deficits and apply yourself to learn the knowledge and skills that you need to move forward in life. See the recommended books on the resources page.

While it's possible to work on these issues on your own, it's the more difficult path to take. When you have a serious problem like social anxiety that prevents you from living the life you hope to live, then, yes, it is best to reach out for professional expertise and assistance. People aren't born knowing everything, so everyone needs help at some point and there is no shame in getting it. As long as you keep trying to convince yourself that your needs don't matter or that your problems aren't as serious or serious enough to warrant attention, you will continue to dig your own grave of unhappiness. How long do you want to go through life with these problems weighing you down and holding you back?

[eiseryn]

I may be cringe but I am free -- my thoughts when designing/making these very self indulgent OCs that may not be canon for the intentions they were supposed to be made for. (I wonder who's designs I based them off of/ who their parents are supposed to be? Sure a mystery isn't it 🤔🤔🤔)

Anyways meet these fraternal twin sisters, Yuelan (moon, orchid) and Mingxuan (tomorrow, daylily). Their names are Chinese characters and are supposed to be similar to each other since they are twins after all! They do not look that similar in appearance, taking from different aspects of their intended parents, but, I imagine they are still very very close. Yuelan was originally supposed to be the older, taller one who acts like the younger sister, while Mingxuan was supposed to be the shorter, younger one who is more responsible and acts like the older sister BUT... I might just swap the seniority here XD

Yuelan's design comes from me wanting to make her like a cat girl, specifically to look like a Russian blue cat (with the blue hair, green eyes). I even gave her little cat ear buns to make her more catgirl-like, although she might wear catgirl headphones when she has her hair just down. Personality-wise, she's shy and socially anxious, but this makes her come across as cold/rude sometimes -- but inside she's always internally panicking when she needs to speak to people. This is why she hides behind her sister and has Mingxuan talk for her the majority of the time. She is intended to be a hacker/decker but I have yet to determine how exactly she got that sort of training. Her theme colour is mostly blue, as you might be able to tell.

Mingxuan's design is intended to be based off of feathers/angels, although she might have some leafy green plant aesthetics too! I gave her some crosses/plus signs (whatever you want to call it) in her ears as earrings, as her pupil, and as a necklace on her neck because guess what? She's a healer/ doctor in training! (I imagine she is trained by not only her mom but her aunties XD). Personality-wise, she is friendly and charming -- she likes to tease her younger siblings as well as hot people. She is definitely much more sociable, and pleasant to talk to in general. Her theme colour is dark green mostly, and I want her to have very earthy tones, although she likely usually dresses in black and white and is quite practical about the types of clothes she wears.

I also want to design a younger son (4-6 years younger than these two) who may be named Ceres who is heavily doted on by the rest of his family for being the baby. He would have a very chill, nonchalant personality and probably be some sort of driver. 👀 Maybe I will draw him soon. I imagine similar to his sisters, he has a cool colour palette -- likely dying his hair purple, and his eyes will likely be green. Or for funsies he could have heterochromia and have 1 green eye and 1 brown eye who knows XD I'll figure it out when I design him. I want him to be very catboy like and quite similar to his father so that they'll be like yup... that's his son alright.

Well but you know this is self indulgent IDK if they'll be allowed/ get to have children :') But it would be Lei's dream so who am I but a vessel to portray my OC's wishes.

Do not perceive my horrible Chinese writing I never learned how to write properly.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Yesterday my therapist was like "ok so last session you said [shit I do not relate to or think like at all]" which was weird. Usually I feel like barriers aren't so high that I don't even know what they're talking about. And we tried to do this thing where they were like "so what if you did feel this thing what would you tell yourself?" And I'm like I have nooo idea really. Because apparently I was really like, anxious about the way people see and perceive me in drag which isn't something I ever really worry about at all. It's one of my big strengths that I don't give a shit about that stuff. People will have their opinions of me and I don't really care what they are.

So my therapist relayed some stuff I apparently said like "what if people hate me?" And "what if I let things get to my head and I'm a dick about it?" To which I was like. So what if they do? So what if I am??? I've been a dick before I'll be a dick again life goes on we grow as people yadda yadda. Like I can't even really comprehend feeling that way or worrying about that stuff because it seems silly to worry about. It's like worrying if there will be rain tomorrow. Maybe there will maybe there won't but either way I can't stop it or make it happen.

Anyway my therapist said at the very end of session (like five minutes over time actually) that that part has come to session before a couple times. Not every time they said, but somewhat frequently. They gave a few other details, like that that part really needed reassurance and wouldn't really cooperate with grounding checks (stuff like "what would make you think that") and was just really anxious but didn't want to use the word anxious. It was really hard to make them feel any better. I really really wanted to ask them how they could tell it was a part, because I'm like. Always surprised when people can tell that kind of stuff (even though I've been told by other psychs I'm pretty overt.) But it was over time so I wanted to like respect their time and all.

Oh also when my therapist said smth along the lines of "how does it make you feel when I tell you that this is super not what you said before" (as in, hey dude that was parts stuff probably!) I said that I don't really feel anything about it because they're my therapist and it's their job to like. Tell me stuff like that. Like it would be weird if some rando told me "hey dude it looks like you're constipated" but if it was like, a gastroenterologist telling me that it's normal because that's their job. My therapist said that was really different too.

Anyway I'm sorta -_- only because IDK who that is that's saying that stuff at therapy. Like it could be a part I know but I can't really think of who. It doesn't super feel like it matches up with any of the parts I know of, even the ones who are like, IDK sad/anxious/etc. Like my best guess would be Tomas but IDK it doesn't feel exactly like him. He's more grounded and usually responds pretty well to grounding questions because he's super logical like that.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

This is kind of a vent/ask for advice. My friend group’s humor while teasing sometimes hurts me. Idk if I’m sensitive in general or there’s coincidences where I’m more sensitive. They’re all guys too so there’s no empathy/brain cells. Sometimes it’s fun to play video games with them. But I hate that I have to silently hurt during those times. I only talked about this with one guy but he just keeps messing up. I wish I could make kinder friends. But I’m such an anxious person who never makes the first move and makes small talk

Kind of depends on what humor it is. There isn't much information here. I can't speak on their behavior and whether or not you should let things go or take a stand. If it's something that revolves around malicious prejudice / direct hate I generally think it is bad taste. Still, I wouldn't say men / male-identifying people have "no empathy / brain cells". They don't take things too seriously and most of the time they just lack emotional education to speak about their feelings or perceive others' perspectives.

I think it's perfectly fine to have friends you do specific activities with and not others. If you want to play video games with them but not have deep philosophical conversations, that's reasonable. If their humor is making the time spent with them less fun, reduce the time you spend with them or speak up about it. They can't know it's bothering you if you don't say something. And maybe it would cause a rift in the friendships, but also maybe they'll think twice before saying stuff that would hurt somebody in the future. Or not. At least you put that idea in their head that maybe they aren't hot shit, ya know?

People have to learn to be kind. It takes time. Of course, you're not expected to be the catalyst for that. You can back off to protect your peace. Maybe connect with others who play the same game as you, either through the game if it is online or in Discord servers, Twitter communities, etc. Sometimes it's easier if it's online. You're not locked with the same friend group forever. People grow and change. That's how it is.

Sometimes you can get close to people quickly. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes friends grow apart. Sometimes they come back together. And maybe it is you, but maybe also it is bad timing or you all aren't at the same place in life. It's okay to go with the flow but it's also just as okay to break away when the flow isn't serving you anymore.

If the time you're spending with them is making you feel like shit, ease away and find other outlets. Or speak up and say something. Yes, it might "disturb" the group, but that is also the only way you can get closer too - if you are honest. Unless you can let it go, there will always be this distance.

Life is short. You can't find what you're looking for unless you look for it. We all have things we need to work on. Although you might be anxious, someone out there might really appreciate you speaking up to them. But this can't happen unless you keep trying. We all wish it could happen right away, but the truth is it only happens a few times in a lifetime. That is what makes it special.

Be the kind of person that you would want to be friends with.

Maybe this is the first act done. Take two? :)

[aquata-the-champ]

starfish are huge suck-ups: a mermaid playlist

Friday, November 11 -- Lo-Fi Beats to Be a Magick to: Create a playlist for a type of Magick in the Swynverse — you don’t have to have one in play! For instance, a werewolf playlist could include “Werewolves of London”, “Howl,” and  “Running with the Wolves.” Minimum 10 songs, with a line or two explaining why you added it.

so this is a playlist that’s based on the vibe of a character who’s always been in the back of my mind but i never had much of a story/muse for and i really just liked the #aesthetic. it’s no secret that i love merms and i really love the idea of getting a merm who’s from a beach town like on the cape or the jersey shore or idk the outer banks, and just loves biking around and swimming in the ocean and partying it up and maybe saving the turtles! like tbh that just sounds like the life. so here’s a playlist based on that hypothetical character, and heavily inspired by the podcast welcome to provincetown, the show the summer i turned pretty, the movie aquamarine, and also just fun memories working in a beach town when i was growing up

1. Island in the Sun by Weezer

This song is from one of the major inspirations behind this character, which would have been very inspired by the deeply influential (to me) mermaid film Aquamarine. It’s when Aquamarine dances with Raymond (SWOON) at the beach party and I will just always associate it with the beach. I also think it’s a good intro to this playlist, all the “hey hey”s and the laid-back vibe that sets up the start of this playlist, which to me is the “beach day” part of the playlist!

2. Pacific Blue by Emily Zeck

This song is like if a pina colada was a song. It’s sweet and cute and conjures up the image of a person who just embodies the beach. And I think in general merm stories tend to be very angsty-- rightfully so, because usually the reason they have ended up on land is traumatic. But I think it would be fun to play a mermaid who has a more open and happy relationship to the sea. And that’s what this song does for me!

3. Lavender Girl by Caamp

Another song about just like a girl who has a great vibe. This song feels very summery and I think that, in an ideal world, a mermaid could have a really laid-back vibe and feel connected to the earth and the ocean and not have to worry about all the scary things mermaids usually have to deal with. 

4. Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac

You know what else is cool about mermaids? They can TRAVEL. Their tails give them the ability to swim way further than humans can, and they can be nomads if they want to be! (That’s how Bruce’s pod is). I’m imagining a merm who loves to explore and maybe a relationship where they can show the other person all the places they like to go! Another song about having a great vibe tbh.

5. Solar Power by Lorde

I couldn’t not. This song is all about ignoring your problems and moving to an island to start your own commune or whatever. I think that could be an interesting tension, maybe if this hypothetical merm character becomes aware of the issues her community is dealing with but she doesn’t want to face them! But can you good-vibes your way out of every situation...

6. Silk Chiffon by MUNA

This is another song that is just peak Summer to me. Life IS so fun! And yet there’s a tension in this song, between totally letting go and embracing your carefree side and also being a little bit anxious. I think it continues that theme from Solar Power and it’s a tension this hypothetical merm would be dealing with!

7. Summer Girl by HAIM

This is a similar vibe to the previous two, the tension between being carefree and summery and also having an undercurrent of uncertainty. I think this song also gets at the idea of having to be the kind of person that other people can lean on, which is a great thing sometimes and a lot of pressure as well. Our hypothetical merm might have to be that person in a time of disaster because people might perceive them as totally carefree, but maybe there’s more going on there!

8. Malibu by Kim Petras

Okay this song is just pure fun. I love this song, I think it is so summery and sweet and feels like a beach party. I wanted to bring the vibe back up and imagine our girl going to a party on the beach and having fun!

9. August by Taylor Swift (MUNA cover)

This song is also very beachy to me, like the end of summer when you’re saying goodbye to your beach town summer hookup and wondering if it could have been more. I decided to go with the MUNA cover here because I feel like it’s very vibey and mellow and I just like how dreamy it sounds. 

10. The Loneliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen

This song was an amazing ender to the album and I also thought it would be a good ender to this playlist. What I like about this song is that, to me, it’s all about how you go on this long journey to find yourself and find happiness on your own and you’re glad you did it, but at the end of the day, you really still just miss the person you left behind. And I like the idea of this song as sort of an anthem for this merm doing all these things for other people and trying to help her pod, and then at the end of it she just wants to do one thing for herself. Does that make sense? I hope so lol.

So yeah! I will probably never get this character but I just like brainstorming, I think merms are really fun and hopefully this sparks some ideas for other people too! J O I N.  US.  

[azalea-petal02]

Love how the executive assistant at my office is absolutely obsessed with talking about my food intake and body. You know the type, they are totally ignorant to any sort of ED sensitivity (great in my line of work) or even just the notion that it’s not really acceptable to comment on one another’s bodies - regardless of whether you perceive it as a “compliment” or not. She also has no idea that it isn't appropriate to comment on her own body in ways that are fatphobic (and inaccurate).

Saying she's "obsessed" with my body might sound a bit much but she manages to work it into the most random places. Someone asks if I'm chilly & I say no, there she is commenting on how odd it is someone my size might feel warm. Someone says my dress is pretty, boom, comment on my body as it relates to clothing. There was cake served, time to comment on my portion and how it relates to weight and size. This was all in a 40-minute birthday celebration, with plenty of totally distorted self-judgment about her own body & eating habits sprinkled in.

We had this horribly painful birthday celebration at the office. We have a total of 4 employees. We have nothing in common beyond the job - the other 3 are in very different life stages. We can’t even talk about work much bc my boss is HIPPA anxious. Which is unnecessary anyway considering we all have access to the same client information and are on a consultation team. I’m not suggesting casually reading a client trauma narrative, I mean it’s ok to say "Sally asks about you now that you work from home".

I really resent the forced socialization btw. I am a friendly person, I'm down to chat between clients and collaborate over cases but there aren't even many opportunities for that at my job, and that's ok!

Like an absolute genius, I somehow let it slip I have experience with ED treatment to the assistant. Idk it came up organically and there’s like literally nothing to talk about with these people. Her friends' daughter has been in ED residential so she's just been talking about it to me way too much. And any time I say anything on that topic she says "Ok I'm going to go tell my friend that," and I feel awful that she might actually do it. I was just trying to correct the assistant bc she was saying "I didn't know until now that people with eating disorders can't go to restaurants that have calories on the menu" so I was just trying to explain that there aren't universal rules about that & I went to a PHP where you had to see your weight daily before eating as an exposure bc you can't always control being exposed to triggers. So she wanted to go tell her friend that. They are going through enough & don't need a random friend who's totally uneducated on ED's and uninformed about the daughter's needs telling them what to do using third-hand info. I tried to tell her just to leave it to their treatment professionals but I doubt that will happen. I actually feel really guilty about it.

[kdipshit]

The Middle

So sometimes i think in black and white, and I tend to focus relationships this way, which is why I avoid them. Something about a label doesn’t sit right with me, I can only see two sides and that’s black and white. Good and bad. Emmy entire world is full of either good people or bad people, good energies or bad energies, nothing more nothing less, it’s kind of like I’m blind in a feeling type of way, I can’t sense outside of that and I don’t realise there’s a middle ground, im a fucking Libra y’all, but instead of being the scales as 1 thing, Im the actual like scales weight part that goes up and down and doesn’t stop in the middle. I’m unbalanced, idk man.

Im thanking god itself for allowing me sleep every single night. A good sleep, every night, its allowed me to wake up at an earlier hour, not feel so sluggish and like doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING with my life, oh man. I am so grateful, I appreciate nature more, I appreciate the moment, I’m not BORED I’m at PEACE, and the simplicity of it all creates a warm feeling in me like connection. Yellow, orange, brown, gold, radiance. And she the only one that know what I mean.

Lol when I was a kid how did I cry? That would be so funny idkkk mannn, was i like one of those yell cries outta no where coz I can’t hold it in? Ahahaha, I don’t remember it guess it was like how I cry now right? Which is only apparently when I’m really crazy angry and when I’m super dooper sad lol, I feel like I cry in the middle tho, this is just what I’m sister has told me, but I definitely cry alone, my sister is the closest person to me, and she only sees me cry at the very peak of my emotions, so I’m pretty good at hiding it I guess? It doesn’t feel like I’m hiding anything because its always there, I’m clearly the only person who perceives these feelings, so it should only exist to my perspective right? Okay then change your perspective… okayyyyy….. I get scared of new emotions, and perceive them bad, I can mistake connection for a ‘get out’ type of feeling, Its hard for me to accept and trust something that first makes me feel anxious and a need to change my surroundings because I now feel trapped in my own space. I’ve just taught myself how to stick it through the moment no matter how it feels and not to fly away in my brain. I can’t escape my brain, its connected to me. The middle has so much space, when I meditate I am there, and its getting easier to do without having to actually try to do anything, coz thats exactly what it is. Its not so loud I have so much space it feels so freeing, I’m not bound to any emotions, any thoughts, nothing, I’m free. nothing will hurt me here, Im safe to be in my creative bubble and positive energies. I don’t care what you think of me.

I only have a few people in my life who I would text if something major happened to me, idk maybe only 1 coz the other couple are family, like my circle is small but its full of trust especially my bestfriend ash, whom I have gone thru hell and back with. The middle doesn’t harm me with my own thoughts as weapons, of course there was a middle ground, how could I not have see this? I mistake growth for ‘this is the exact same’ type of energy, which in turn makes me feel like I’m making no progress, and forget to store the new energy, now that I know this, I can accept the new emotions and new feelings and new environment , yanno? Should I change my room around again hehe? Nah, I feel good here, I like m bed close to the computer, I can put my leg up while typing hahah.

Me moving around and doing anything for ME is ME manipulating energy so that I can create anything I desire here on earth. It doesn’t have to happen the exact way I’m thinking, it just happens. And thats the magic behind your thoughts. I don’t like awkward love I’m pretty awks like not by choice, I feel less awkward in myself when I’m feeling less like everyone is watching me and more like I’m the only one here watching, and thats all I need to remember. I’m experiencing life through this body and anyone else experiencing me is also me experiencing myself from the different angle. I want to be 90% present in 100% of my moments, giving my 100% , 100% of the time.

I believe theres nothing wrong with me

instead of identifying with your thoughts, work with them. Everything is a thought, everything. Work towards changing your thinking pattern from negative to positive by consciously swifting into a better energy daily. It’s a choice, it’s my choice how I feel and think, since they usually come together.