#like i made them aro and/or ace when i didn't even know that was also me :'))))

[demonslayerunhinged]

hello! your post about Giyuu's and Sanemi's emotional needs in a romantic relationship is incredibly good and accurate! I would really appreciate it if you did a similar investigation on Rengoku. if you're interested.

Aw shucks, ☺️ thank so much!! I'm going to disappoint you though, Aside from Inosuke and Haganezuka, Rengoku is the only character that I can't see in a relationship of any kind. I truly believe that he's 100% aro/ace, and I think I know why.

Delusional, bullshit theory incoming!

What I'm about to yap may seem controversial, but I think I can talk about it since I too am neurodivergent, but I strongly believe that Rengoku is intellectually disabled, I'm not sure which flavor of disability, but the kind that makes him have the mind of a child.

I have an autistic family member - Let's call him Leo, that acts similarly, although he's not as loud as Rengoku, but the similarities are there. Here are some things that I noticed that led me to this theory.

His straightforward and literal type of thinking. His inability to clock complex speech patterns like sarcasm and such, which could come across as him being thick, as noted by other characters. I mean, blud didn't even realize that Akaza was straight up flirting with him 😭

His has a fixation with food, Rika's words and becoming a Hashira.

His wide-eyed, one thousand, almost catatonic stare.

His lack of interest in romantic or sexual relationships.

His direct fighting style which doesn't really have any strategy other than just spamming his breathing style attacks, at least compared to the other Hashira's like Tengen, Sanemi, Shinobu, and Mitsuri. Notice how we don't get to really hear his thought process while he fights. Even in the Gaiden, his solution to defeating that demon was to deafen his ears, it's so straightforward like; sound = ears = bad so, sound = ears = no bad.

His cracked core. That part of the story always confused me because if anything Kyojuro has one of the strongest of spirits, then I figured that the core doesn't just represent his soul but his mind as well. So it was cracked not because his soul was fragile or weak, but because his mind was.

But what really cemented my theory is his relationship with Rika and Shinjuro - I think they both knew that Rengoku was special.

For Rika, I clocked it from the way she spoke to him. It was slow and very...deliberate, as if she wanted to make sure he properly understood what she was saying.

Even the tears that she shed, it was like she knew that life was going to be difficult for them, especially for Kyojuro because we all know that the world isn't kind to people who are different, but she trusted him to be strong, and she believed in him regardless.

For Shinjuro, his animosity towards his son's could be read as him being embarrassed by them, Senjuro that has a weak body and Kyojuro that has a weak mind. That's probably the reason why he made these statements when Tanjiro came to their household.

That's probably also why he didn't want Rengoku to join the Corps because he was worried that he wouldn't be able to cope, and I think he didn't want the Corps to know that the new Flame Hashira was simple-minded. Think about it, The Rengoku's are a legacy family, they existed even before Yorichii joined the Corps and taught them the breathing techniques.

I'm sure that aside from demon slaying, they are an actual Samurai clan, which would explain Rengoku's 'UMAI' thing and how his actions and beliefs mirror those of the Samurai.

I think Shinjuro's pride as a Rengoku came before his duty as a father, and after Rika died, he just couldn't cope. I'm sure the thoughts of what others would think and how they would mock him overwhelmed him, 'Look at him, a descendant of the great Rengoku clan who lost his wife and is left with two sons that aren't normal.' I think Kyojuro and Senjuro know this too, they are aware of their shortcomings and how it embarrasses their father. Which is what makes Kyojuro's words to Senjuro even more heartbreaking.

So he turned to alcoholism to cope because it's better to be drunk than to face the painful reality that he failed as a Rengoku, a husband, a father and a man. I believe he actually loved his sons, but his pride and his fears about other people's opinions clouded his mind. For all his hostility, Rengoku and Senjuro were still taken care of; he didn't chase them away, or neglect them (physically anyway), which tells me that he cared for them in some way and that's why they couldn't hate him and why Rengoku loved him till the very end.

Even their last interaction reads like Shinjuro can't face Rengoku because when he looks at his son all he sees a literal spitting image of himself but a failed image, and it will especially hurt because Rengoku is the first son, like in my home country firstborn sons are a big deal in some tribes, and it's hard when the son happens to be different in some way, especially when the son is disabled. My family friend is treated the same way by his dad, sadly.

After Rengoku's death, he tried to drown himself in alcohol to numb the pain and instead focused on his Rengoku pride he probably thought 'that stupid boy, his dumbass got himself killed' but Tanjiro's visit and hearing Kyojuro's last words from Senjuro brought him back to reality. He lost a child, weak-minded or not, that was his baby boy.

That's when he decides to put down the bottle and face reality that he failed his first son and if he doesn't clean up soon he'll lose the second one. This might seem controversial, but I love that Gotogue-sensei shows us that parents are people too. They have their hopes, dreams, struggles and demons, and they are just as complex as any one of us. And I say this as a child abuse survivor, it's not easy to see it when you live with them, but when you're safely far away you can in a way sympathize with them as fellow human beings.

Sorry for the yap, just had to get this out of my system. I'm sorry I don't have any relationship analysis of Rengoku, but I will say this:

Rengoku's disability is what makes his character so brilliant, in other media characters with similar disabilities are often relegated to the sidelines and are only focused on for the audience and other characters to mock them but to make an intellectually disabled man the most impactful character in the story after the great Yorichii is nothing short of masterful on Gotogue-sensei's part. Rengoku was the heart of the Corps, he was THE Pillar of the Pillars, which was why his death was so impactful and why we can still feel his influence even up to the latest season.

Even though he's well-loved within the fandom, I still see some people who think Rengoku is overrated because he's a simple, straightforward character, but here's the thing - that's what makes him so great. The beauty of his character IS in his simplicity. He could have allowed the treatment by his dad to turn a bitter edge lord, but he didn't, instead he worked hard and tried his best to be a mentor, role model and a beacon of light people could look to when it gets dark.

I also love the fact that despite his cheerful demeanor, you could still see that Shinjuro's words still hurt him.

But despite his pain, he always put on a brave and cheery face with everyone, especially his brother, and worked hard to give Senjuro the encouragement and love that he never got. I don't think he knew how loved he was, which was probably why he was surprised by Tanjiros words at Akaza.

Even though I mourn his death, I'm glad that he died knowing that he made his colleagues, his friends and most of all his mother proud and got the validation needed and rightly deserved.

tldr: Kyojuro don't need no hoes! 🙏🏼

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Can I just say how much I appreciate the diversity of ace identities in ISAT and all the detail about it?

(spoilers ahoy)

I love how at first Sif sees the porn scroll as "people doing fun things" but later admits it doesn't interest them at all. Their first response is to say what they know they're "supposed" to think it is, what everyone else is probably going to think it is. But then they learn that it's really ok to admit that they're not into it.

At first Sif is like "why does Beau like me?" but after a while they start to find him cute because they understand the emotion behind his feelings, and while they're not sure if they can actually take it as far as a sexual relationship, they're interested in figuring it out, because for them, that doesn't gross them out, it's just not a drive. This is so relatable to me and I love seeing it bc it's not the typical ace in fiction where like, this character is ace so we mustn't put them in a ship because we should assume it'd gross them out. Sif can be ace but not entirely horrified by sex, and Sif may be romantic (I don't know if even Sif knows whether they are romantic or not)-- I suspect they are demiromantic because it's the intimacy and familiarity of Beau's emotions that makes them start to feel things about the moment by the tree, to the point where they miss it when he doesn't try.

Mirabelle going through the dating service papers is the most wonderful scene because this is what it was like to be ace when I was in my early twenties. Most people didn't know it was a thing, and friends/family were very helpfully concerned that you should find a partner in order to not be alone, because the theory was that it was a basic human need for everyone. I did exactly what Mirabelle did, and had the same kind of reaction: "I have to pick one of these people to try dating because I have to figure out how to be sexually interested in someone so that I can do the whole partnership thing that everyone says you need to do in order to have a fulfilling adult life." Looking at pictures of people trying to figure out how to be attracted to them, or what you like, when the answer is really that you're just Not. And you're kind of torn because some part of you knows that this isn't going to work, but the other part of you legit believes that it's like staying hydrated, you have to do it for your own good even if you're not thirsty.

Mirabelle's being into fictional romance and shipping, just not into doing it herself, is also such a good detail. I'm not aro so I can't speak to that myself, but still, it's a thing. She's emotionally invested in the dynamics between people, she loves watching the details of how they play out, and that's completely separate from ever wanting to do it herself. I've seen it in others and I definitely get that from the perspective of an ace person reading smut-- you can very much enjoy a dynamic without wanting to BE in the dynamic yourself.

Sif coming to understand how attraction works from the outside: "Wait, you can't choose who you get a crush on? That explains so much!" The line made me wince because it's so self-deprecating-- they're probably thinking they're not good enough for Beau-- but I also very much appreciate the realism of how... nobody explains to you how attraction works because they assume you know what it's like, and you probably don't ask because it's embarrassing if they assume that you're an immature late bloomer with no experience of the world, rather than someone who will never have a libido no matter what they've seen. It's so easy to feel infantilized or to infantilize yourself if you're not comfortable with your ace identity. Both Mirabelle and Sif are young enough that they struggle a bit with whether this is really their identity or whether they've just not figured it out yet. In reality, at their age, this probably IS who they are. But they're also a bit hesitant to rule it out because it's really hard to know that you are NOT something, and (given that Mirabelle hadn't really considered the possibility that she's aroace) the culture doesn't seem to have a lot of representation or support for the idea. It's obvious to the player, well, if this is how they feel, then they're ace! But neither one of them can quite settle on that for sure. Because, unlike being attracted to someone where you can go "well that sure did happen", being not attracted to someone is a nonproof. So Mirabelle keeps trying, and Sif doesn't know that their reaction will seem valid to others (as evidenced by the change in how they describe the scroll). Odile, who is aro and who seems to be not entirely ace but isn't exactly the thirstiest plant in the garden, has a different position. She seems to pretty much know where she's at, which makes sense for her age, but we can't really tell if she's always been okay with it or if it's been an issue. We don't know if Ka Bu is a more uptight culture, or how long society has been normalizing non-hetero identities, but we do know she had no female role models, so if any of this heteronormative business was an issue, I imagine it contributed a lot to her feeling of outsiderness. I'd love to know more about how Odile's sexuality impacted her life but she's obviously not about to infodump it on a bunch of 20 year olds, so it remains a mystery. Nonetheless it's pretty great that there's an older aro character, illustrating that people have always been this way, it's just easier for young people to discover it now because they feel more allowed to not be heterosexual. [eta: @butterflyknifepoisoning reminded me that I've misremembered this and Odile isn't actually aro, she's had hatecrushes before and explained them to Mirabelle. Which I kind of sort of remember now! Not sure why I thought she was aro, my memory is crap sometimes. It's still a far cry from yamato nadeshiko, but yeah. Point taken]

...In the end, I find it extremely refreshing that there's a whole RPG party here and only ONE of them experiences sexual attraction, and it's a flamboyant gay-seeming dude with a poorly-kept-secret crush on an enby they/he. ISAT is so cool, it's the best aroace representation I have seen in fiction so far ever.

[anachronisticcrab]

Disclaimer: Don't like? don't read, don't engage. More in an edited section at the bottom of the post.

Tell me why my roommate is kinda aphobic and started crying when I call them out on it ONCE

So we had a stupid argument (so dumb. But also not cause it's based in him being aphobic) over him shipping Jayvik in arcane.

My issues with this (I have not seen arcane nor will I watched it cause one of the characters has my dead name and it makes me uncomfy to hear it seen and spelled the same way, this is just what I have learned through ppl who have seen it)

Viktor is asexual canonically. Like from the creators mouth, he has been ace and possibly aro since the beginning. Everyone that I see that ships them draws Jayce and Viktor fucking. Leave him alone, he's an ace guy, I have like 3 and u gays have 5 million twinks to draw getting railed

Jayvik shippers often draw art in ways that comes across as ableist, pedophilic and infantalizing of Viktor. It's always big huge Jayce carrying around a teeny tiny Viktor and it bothers me. (Lots of ships do this, it's always weird and gross. I'm not pretending I've never enjoyed that art, cause it's sometimes really well drawn, but it's still a little creepy and ableist) ((Edit: not calling Jayvik pedophilic in canon, I'm saying the way that I've seen shippers treat them as 'Big strong man and tiny fragile uwu boy' comes across as pedophilic to me))

This is the big one: Jayce is Viktors allegorical rapist. The scene where Viktor does, Jayce throws him into a void and forever changes Viktors body and life without his consent because Jayce thought it would fix him. Very powerful as a disabled plot line of able bodied people doing things to a disabled body in order to 'fix' them, but gets even more powerful with Viktor being ace. An allo character does something to an ace characters body without their consent, forever changing their life, because they thought it would 'fix' them is an allegory for corrective rape. It's corrective rape. Don't ship Viktor with his allegorical rapist.

So those are my issues. I've talked to a few ppl about it, my roommate included. They know my opinion on it, just not the details cause he has a habit of crying his eyes out whenever he's criticized and I don't have the energy to deal with a grown man bawling his eyes out all the time.

The only thing I've ever said to him was an argument we got in where he said that making Viktor ace was infantalizing disabled bodies and I got pissed at him and he cried

Today, my roommate decided to show me and 2 friends of ours fanart of Jayvik, with the weird size dynamic and Jayce carrying Viktor around and I said 'how is that not infantalizing but him being ace is?'

My roommate agreed, and then I started talking about how that, and the allegorical rape, made it awful to ship Jayce and Viktor and I said 'leave the aces alone, we don't ask a lot'.

Tell me why he shut down and then began crying, so I left the room cause I'm not apologizing for telling him to keep his aphobia in check, and when I came back he left and hasn't said a word since.

Tell me why I have to shut up when he says it's funny to see attractive characters as sexless cause its an inherently humiliating quality, that making someone disabled asexual is infantalizing and gross, that the few ace characters there are are definitely fucking each other cause they're human, when he says aphobic things 10 times a day, but he gets to cry when I call him out on that?

Plus now I feel guilty cause my friends keep shooting me looks since I'm not apologizing, and when they started trying to placate him I was quiet other than to say 'not just about you, but like. Yeah' l

Why are allo people the way they are?

Edit: I've updated the tags to remove arcane and anti Jayvik, ppl were right that I shouldn't have added them to begin with. In my defense for anti Jayvik, I didn't know u needed hyphens in tags now for it to work properly, I'm not really active on tumblr these days. Secondly, Just so y'all know. I don't feel like arguing with allo people anymore cause I spend so much of my time catering to allo people. If you're upset, don't read. If u comment upset about me being pissed at allo people for an opinion that I'm objectively correct on, I will be blocking you immediately cause that's how the internet works. Don't like, don't engage. Leave me alone, this is a vent post cause I'm sick of allo people being stupid Third, not claiming that this is my roommate being aphobic. Of all the things he's done, this is one of the least aphobic, it's just still frustrating. This post is mostly because he can't take any criticism on anything without crying and it's irritating, especially when I call him out on questionable behaviour. Fourth, do NOT try to educate me, a fucking aroace person, on aroace terminology and realities. I am aware that not all ace ppl are aro and that not all aro ppl are ace and that ace ppl and aro ppl both can date and fuck. I know that shit. That's not what this is about. Fuck off. Fifthly, no I have not watched arcane, I say that so early on in the original part of this post. I will not watch arcane, this post isn't really about arcane. It's a vent post about my roommate not being able to handle me pointing out that their mindset and the way they view things is aphobic. This is not an attack of arcane, it's an attack of people refusing to listen to aroace ppl when we raise concerns. Such as a number of ppl in the comments did within an hour of me posting this. Lastly, I'm not saying you can't ship JayVik, do whatever you fucking want. I'm saying that I have issues with it as a ship, and I am irritated at my roommate for immediately crying and running off when I tried to raise my concerns and opinions on the relationship, the concerns I have coming from the place of an aroace person who is fed up with them being blatantly aphobic in other contexts and things that they say. Update TL;DR: Don't like? Don't read, don't engage. Not for you. If you try to argue with me, you will be blocked cause I don't have time for that shit. This is a vent post, not an attack on fucking anyone and the opinion of one random tumblr user has no affect on you or your favourite show. There are more important things to yell at ppl for.

[i-will-change-this-someday]

My thoughts on Frankenstein:

(This is incredibly long)

Victor is definitely autistic or something right?

It’s honestly shocking to me how much of the book was just describing the scenery.

Also, because I self project constantly, Victor seems kinda Ace to me, maybe Aro with a QPR with Henry, but that might be actual romance.

Kinda surprised that no one ever stops Victor to ask why he’s collecting so many body parts, they’re just like “eh, Victor’s experimenting on corpses again, I guess.”

Absolutely wild for Caroline to adopt a child for the sole purpose of “gifting” her to her son.

I wish I could be motivated in to a hyper-focused frenzy where I actually complete my projects, maybe not for 2 years though.

Alright time for all my unpopular opinions. (this will likely be very long)

Y'all are babygirl-ifying the Creature way too much. My dude murdered at least 4 people. (Technically murdered 3 and framed the 4th for murder.)

Hey, remember when the Creature murdered a child? Yeah, that happened.

Or when he framed a woman for murder, knowing full well what would likely happen to her? (The Creature didn't even know she had any connection to Victor, he fully decided to frame her because of the idea that she would reject him)

or when he murdered 2 people just because Victor cared about them?

I'm not saying the the Creature isn't sympathetic, and it really is unfair that everyone shuns him, but that doesn't mean he gets a "Murder innocents" pass.

On a similar note, and this is maybe just me, but Victor is way more sympathetic than anyone gives him credit for.

When he made the Creature he was a dumb kid that was messing with things he really shouldn't have, but he was grieving his mother and coping very poorly.

So he thinks "what if I could bring her back?" or at least "Maybe I can prevent losing anyone else" so he tries """Playing God""" but it's not because he has a god complex, he's mourning a loss and is doing anything to not think about it while also trying something that might prevent such loss in the future.

I do think he's a bit self-centered, but not in a "I'm superior" way , more in a "Why is this happening to me?" way that makes him forget others' perspectives or how his actions may affect them.

I don't think he's always thinking about how every other person is dumber than him or how great he is.

I do think he has a very strong desire to have his achievements seen and known, because for quite a while everyone dismissed his interests. (Which, just saying, can really do some damage on a kid)

Should Victor not have abandoned the Creature? Yes, but he also didn’t exactly have the mental or emotional capacity to care for the Creature at that time.

When the Creature awoke, Victor was faced with the reality of what he was doing; he wasn’t bringing someone back to life, he was creating something else entirely, so he ran. And afterwards the Creature was gone, and then Victor had a psychotic break for like several months. He wasn’t really in peak parent mode then.

(Side tangent, but any of those “I wouldn’t run from the Creature” people are absolutely lying, you’re really going to react calmly to a 8ft shambling monster made from dead bodies?)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Victor is entirely innocent, but there's a lot of things that he get's blamed for that were not his fault.

Not one of the deaths in the book are Victor's fault.

William died because he screamed and revealed his family name, so the Creature killed him to hurt Victor.

Justine died because the Creature framed her because he thought she would reject him and because she was pressured in to pleading guilty.

Henry died because the Creature wanted to hurt Victor.

Elizabeth died because the Creature wanted to hurt Victor.

If you think any of those deaths are Victor's fault, then you're victim blaming.

Yes, the Creature likely wouldn't have done any of that had Victor not ran, but you know what else would have prevented those deaths? If the Creature didn't kill them.

The Creature is an incredibly intelligent being, by the time he kills William he has learned enough to properly frame a woman for murder.

You can not say he accidentally killed William, he knows what death is.

He didn't accidentally frame Justine for said murder.

He didn't just so happen to kill Henry because he got caught off guard by him.

He wasn't looking for Victor to kill on the wedding day.

He chose to kill every single one of them, and to put all the blame on Victor is unfair to Victor and the Creature.

The Creature is his own person, which means he also needs to be held responsible for his actions.

You can understand and sympathize with the Creature, but that doesn't mean he's infallible.

The Creature has every right to be mad at the world, his first experience in the world is being abandoned by the one who gave him life, and then he is constantly shunned, feared, and hated for the rest of his life, it's not right.

But that doesn't mean you murder people, or if he had to, he should have killed Victor, the person that actually wronged him.

And listen, I understand every minority feels a kinship with the Creature, but for me, there's something about Victor that is so unbearably relatable.

The thing about Victor is that he has people that care for him, but none of them understand him in the slightest, even Henry, he may love Victor but I don't think he really understood him all the time.

So you have Victor, who has people who care for him and who he cares for in return, trying his best to act normal, to pretend there's nothing wrong.

He's trying so, so hard not to worry the people he cares for, but on the inside he's miserable, paranoid, and overall just incredibly mentally unwell.

And that is something that is just so intriguing to me. (Not saying the Creature isn't also very nuanced and complex, just that Victor scratches some itch in my brain.)

Anyway, this is already very long, I honestly have more I could say about it, but this is good for now.

[magicalblerdpenn]

So this year, I'd been struggling to embrace being alloplatonic. I'm already genderqueer, bi, and grey aro-ace so you'd think it'd be easy.

Except that I didn't know alloplatonic was an identity until I learned about aplatonic people on Valentine's Day this year.

Ironically, it was several years back on Valentine's Day that I realized that I rarely experience romantic or sexual attraction, and experience aesthetic attraction more.

Yet I struggled to embrace being alloplatonic for several reasons:

Being raised by a Dad who made me feel like I couldn't be "just friends" with someone of a different gender than me. Since I was AFAB, any friendships I had with boys were assumed to be related to romance or sex.

Struggling to make friends, even though I wanted them. In high school, almost every potential new friend I made ended up changing schools or schedules.

Being bullied made me scared to make friends b/c what if I try to make friends, but end up bullied again? I also felt like I wasn't good enough for friends b/c of this trauma.

The unexpected death of my Dad made me scared to get close to anyone. I considered my Dad a friend as well as my parent and losing him hurt me deeply.

People being dismissive of internet friendships

This past Sunday, my closest internet friend Jaz, gave me a shout out in their upcoming book. It touched me deeply; I cried for ten minutes. They are a Black trans friend & we've been internet friends for six years, bonding over our identities, our writing dreams, music, and more. We've kept in touch through social media, email, and chat apps and become each other's source of peer support.

Over the years, our friendship grew stronger little by little and I felt a strong platonic love for them. I loved reading their newsletter, chatting with them, seeing updates about their life and career that they were willing to share. I loved having them encourage and reassure me, and doing the same for them. I loved their empathy, when I told them about my trauma or troubles. I loved how their writing helped me learn something new about myself & the world around me. I've shown my appreciation for our friendship through poetry & digital art and they love it.

Yet, I struggled to fully bask in our friendship until very recently b/c the trauma I'd experienced and the heteronormatvity and allonormativity I'd been taught. I didn't think my strong platonic attraction was normal b/c people dismiss platonic love in favor of romantic love. I've seen this on tv, movies, and online fandoms. I also thought I wasn't worthy of friendship b/c I felt I had to be a certain way & be flawless to have friends.

My friend Jaz, repeatedly proved me wrong, but it didn't sink in until I saw these words in the Acknowledgement section of their upcoming book: "To my internet friends, whose bonds are as deep as any other. To Penn; love you!"

With this, all my fears and doubt washed away with my tears of joy.

And now, I can finally say that I love my friend Jaz. I even wrote them a poem to do so and they enjoyed it very much.

TL;DR I am alloplatonic & proud and no one will take that away from me. I love my friend Jaz and they love me platonicallly too.

[lululawrence]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

HIIIII omg I love whoever started this going around so much and THANK YOU for sending this to me!!! I also got this from @haztobegood and @allwaswell16 so thank you to ALL OF YOU really! I love love love this kinda thing and hope I haven't missed all of your lists... i'll have to be sure to look for those here soon hehe

Anyway, in no particular order, here are my fav fics I've written... (I think... lol favorites are HARD):

I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) - This was my big bang for this year and man it was a JOURNEY to write. I first came up with the idea as almost a crack fic idea back when I first was listening to Satellite... you know... when it was first released. lol I just didn't have the time or energy or anything to write it but I held onto the idea for ages and had it mostly brainstormed and everything! And then the time came to write it and... I couldn't find my notes. Anywhere. No idea what happened to the fic idea or my ramblings about it so I just did what I could with recreating it from memory and I still didn't know where or how or when it would end exactly, I just knew their journey would be over when it was over, and they spoke to me. When their story was done, I knew. And I am still so fucking proud of how it turned out and @moon-sun-thyme made the most incredible and gorgeous art for it, truly. Just. Probably gonna forever be one of my favorite fics I've ever written.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) - ohhhhhhh THIS FIC OKAY. It's my aspec alpha babies fic. I wrote it as a collaboration with @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed for @1dreversebang a few years ago now and it is still so special to me. I got to really delve into the aspec identities by embodying both Louis and Harry with one of those identities (aro Harry, ace Louis) and then added some non-traditional omegaverse dynamics (alpha/alpha) AND one of my all time favorite tropes, FAKE DATING! It was also a journey to write this fic and I worked so hard to make sure I really felt like I was doing justice to our identities and trying to give good and valid and understandable representation to them, and I really think I was able to achieve that. Some of the comments have been the most thoughtful and humbling and just beautiful I've ever gotten as well, which is just the cherry on top, right? So yeah, this baby defo gets to be on this list for sure hehe

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) - This fic is one of those instances where you write what you want to read, you know what I mean? I had been craving a fic like this one, and I'd read some similar ones but I wanted MORE. The more I thought about it, the more the idea shaped up, and before I knew it I had (I wish I was joking) something like SIX PAGES of brainstorming with the timing laid out and what would happen when to make sure it was slow burn enough but also character development at the right pace and also just... everything I wanted, you know? I've never outlined a fic to that level before and I probably never will again, but after outlining it like that, I then went and wrote this fic, which was the longest fic I'd ever written to that point, in less than a month. It just flowed from me every time I sat down at my computer. It turned out exactly as I had hoped, and it is one of the few fics of mine that I have gone back to read repeatedly. I've not actually read it all the way through repeatedly, there's usually just bits and pieces I'm craving at the moment, but that's still far more than I generally do with my own fics. So I'll take it hehe

a moon, a rainbow, and a carnation - Okay okay okay, there's a lot about this one that makes this one something I'm super proud of, even though it feels ridiculous because it was a fic I wrote for this year's @wordplayfics, but there's a lot of reasons why I really am proud of it lol For one, I'm still new to writing Oscar and Pedro, and I love them SO much but I've only written them in one fic previously (and it isn't even out yet lololol) but!!! Its only the second fic I've ever written with a decent amount of Spanish in it. The lovely @nouies has been so kind as to cheerlead me about the pairings as well as help me with the Spanish, and we have had SO much fun omg. She helped me SO MUCH with this fic, and I so appreciate it and am so happy with how it was able to turn out because of her help! I also tried a new footnotes thing with the translations that turned out to work even better than I anticipated, and that just makes it even better, right? So yeah. I'm proud of it because I did all of that AND ALL WITHIN A WEEK. YASSSS

'Cause What I Want Came True - Okay so once again this one is one that Lou indulged me on because who doesn't love Diego Luna, hmm? lol but I was struggling with Wordplay again and suddenly I came upon a few quotes and an entire soft and hazy idea presented itself that I just HAD to write. It is almost semi-stream of consciousness while also not being quite that way, and I just really REALLY love how it turned out. I've actually already gone back and reread this one and the previous one on this list since publishing, and they've only been out for a week or two at this point. That's impressive and very rare for me. So yeah, quite proud.

I am missing some others that I would probably say are favorites, but you did limit me to five. lololol and These were the five I thought of off the top of my head haha so they will do for now hehe THANK YOU SO MUCH for asking and letting me ramble about my fics for a little bit!! sorry this got so looooong....

[syn4k]

BREAKING NEWS: The queer-themed superhero Arrow Ace has been out on a justice-fuelled rampage this Valentine's Day Morning, sniping villains from above and appearing randomly to whack people who are being rude to the happily single on the day of love.

This is the first appearance that the Arrow Ace has made since October of last year, and we now go to our field reporter Devon, who has managed to get an interview with the enigmatic hero.

Devon: Thank you Gary! I'm here on the corner of 12th and 7th street in downtown Placeville and next to me is the Arrow Ace, who has graciously agreed to be interviewed. AA: Hello. Devon: Sir, many of our newer viewers want to know who you are and what you do. Do you have an answer for them? AA: Yes. Hi. I'm the Arrow Ace, but you can just call me Ace. I was the sharpest shooter in my archery class in college and later decided to make a pun regarding my identity and thus, the hero personality was born. Devon: So do you have any supernatural abilities or are you just really good with a bow? AA: None whatsoever. I'm just a normal guy 99% of the time. Devon: [short pause to listen through her earpiece] Ah. Yes. A question from the studio. Viewers, Ace is most likely referring to the pun his alias makes when talking about his identity. AA: Yes. I am indeed an aromantic asexual, commonly shortened to aro/ace. Devon: Could you perhaps elaborate on that for those watching who might not know what that means! AA: Of course! A person who is aromantic experiences little, decreased, or no romantic attraction to other people. This may manifest as them not getting crushes, not wanting to participate in dating, or being adverse to romantic activities in general. A person who is asexual experiences little, decreased, or no sexual attraction towards other people. They might not want to participate in sexual activities and may be uncomfortable when the topic is brought up in real life or in media. Devon: I see! Thank you for explaining. Does this have anything to do with your backstory? AA: Yes. I originally took up the mask because as a young man, although I didn't have a word for what I was yet, I was often excluded in school both intentionally and not for not having an interest in dating people. In high school, someone who heard I wasn't interested in sex but also hadn't tried it out yet assaulted me to try and "convince" me otherwise. Ever since, I've been trying my best to be a beacon of light for those going through similar or worse ever since to let them know that there's nothing wrong with them and that you can be happy without those types of relationships. Devon: I see! Is there any reason why you're out and about on Valentine's day specifically? AA: I get asked a lot when seen alone in public if I'm single on this holiday. Most of the time, when I answer with yes, the response is something like "oh you poor soul! May you find love soon!" While the person undoubtedly means well, it still annoys me, so I've decided today to be the guy every aro or ace person wishes they had during that conversation.

[B-roll footage filmed on someone's phone of two person having a conversation. The first person asks "So, got any plans this evening?" The second person uncomfortably replies, "No, not really." The first person responds with "Oh, no! Well, better luck next year. Maybe you'll find someone," promptly cut off mid sentence by the Arrow Ace running up behind them and pwhacking them over the head with a paper towel tube. "You're not less whole or less of a person for not having a romantic or sexual partner," he says to the first person, pointing the tube at them. "That is your business and your business alone. I love you. Have a good day." The two people having the conversation stare after him, perplexed, as he runs off out of view of the camera. The video cuts back to Devon and AA.]

Devon: One last question: how do you know if the person in those discussions is aro or ace? AA: I don't, and I never put them on the spot for it. However, whether you experience attraction to others or not, it's never fun to be judged based on the circumstances you may be in at the moment. Devon: A bit of wisdom for us all. Well, sir, it appears that my time is up, but I appreciate you coming to answer these questions. AA: Of course. And, to all who participate, Happy Valentine's day! The shops always have discounts on chocolate the day after. Go treat yourself if you have the means. You deserve it. Devon: This has been Devon of Lucky 7 News. Back to you, Gary!

Thank you, Devon. I have received reports that a new development is unfolding in southeast Placeville- the Nefarious Anglerfish's cat-fish army is leaping up from the docks to attack unsuspecting couples on their walks. I've been told that the Arrow Ace is on his way to get involved. We'll be right back after these advertisements.

[trulyatessfan]

I saw naomi did it, but after violet did it, I wanted to do my own version too!! :D shoutout to you two!! Let me explain all my choices cuz I love overexplaining:

Favorite character: Tess Goodwin, ofc, I am her number one fan ever, ofc she is number 1 <3

Liked by everyone but me: Russell Crane, I see a lot of people loving him, and personally, he is not for me, I used to hate him, but now, I am just not a fan of him, I understand why people do and I love to see people's version of Russell (especially Ambs if you are reading this, your Russell is canon to me)

Didn't like at first: Luna Hecate, for obvious reasons, but after a year of hating her, I started to take interest in her and now, love her so much,,, That was in 2014-15 LMAO

Would like to know more about: Abigail Riley, I HATE HOW SHE WAS JUST A SIDE CHARACTER, MAKE HER AN OFFICIAL SUSPECT, I WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HER MANNNNNN (guess that will be my goal while also writing Kelly, my OC who is the youngest sibling of Abigail :D)

Least favorite character: Enzo Traoré, god I hate him so much, the shit writing of season 8 didn't help him, but he was so rushed and he made me so uncomfortable so many times,,,,

Like the design, dislike character: Elliot Clayton, sick design, hard to draw tho, but over the years, I realized that Elliot is not my kind of characters, he is not for me, but if you love him, good for you!

Like the character, dislike design: Eleonora Macaron, even with the shit writing, love her, but she is a S8 character so her entire sprite is reused sprites, give her a cooler design,,,, :(

Similar personality: Peggy Pascal, I don't know how to explain this very well, but I see myself a lot in Peggy, personally and physically (when I was younger)

Fav ship: Amy/Virginia, love them since 2015, still going strong!!! <3 Love me some good childhood besties to lovers <3

Least fav ship: Enzo/Carrie, NO, JUST NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO /ref No but for real, what the fuck, their relationship was so rushed AND THE FACT THEY JUST TAKE THE VENUE FROM LIKE HER BROTHER WHO JUST BROKE UP WITH HIS EX,,, I know it was consented but that is still fucking insane, like WHAT, you can wait to get married girlies,,,, hate this ship so much, burn it to ground,,,, also im a aro-ace Carrie supporter <3

Would befriend irl: Céleste Alouest, she looks like the person that has the most amazing stories, she is also very supportive, oh and she speaks french, a win for me yay

Would never befriend irl: Christian Bateman, no fucking way I'm friends with him, what he needs to be friends with is a mental hospital or therapy or anything, away from me LOL

also all drawings are from me xd

[our-queer-experience]

(TW biphobic comments, surgery, transphobia and ableism mentions, aphobia, pls add more if anything else can be triggering)

I just quietly came out as aroace, by posting a video in my stories of someone reading my aroace-focused speech at Pride. Quite nerve-wracking cause usually very few people watch my stories, but this time my COUSIN AND AUNT saw it.

I don't know if they clicked to watch the full video, but if they did, that's quite awkward and possibly dangerous… I'd come out as bisexual to my cousin many many years ago—she was one of those annoyingly enthusiastic allies, you know, the girlies that brag about having a gay best friend.

Considering this, the fact she's supportive but not exactly knowledgeable about the nuances of existing as a queer person, I'm worried she'll have a conversation about it with her mother. And that they'll talk to my parents about it, assuming they know.

But my parents have no idea I'm aroace. I'd also come out to them when I was like 13, again, as bisexual. They had taken it (relatively) terribly, spewing the same biphobic comments you hear everywhere ("so will you cheat on a woman with a man?"). We've never talked about it after that day, but they seemed to believe I was "confused" and would change my mind (same thing they said when I told them I was an atheist lol, couple years before that). So they're still stuck on this notion. Not exactly ENTIRELY wrong, seeing as I'm a bi/pan-oriented aroace, but still.

I've been out to them as trans and non-binary for over 4 years now, and I'm on HRT, they've made lots of progress and accept me now, but that coming out was also awful, I had to go back into the closet after a few months and developed REALLY bad depression because of it.

Just last month, they were very unpleasantly surprised when I started talking about what my lawyer told me to do in order to access gender-affirming surgeries, even though I had made it clear from the beginning I was planning on going under the knife.

So the shocking news just don't stop coming for them. Last year I got diagnosed as autistic and they also didn't like that at all. If they found out I'm also aroace… What if that's the last straw? What if that's where they actually draw the line? They barely accepted bisexuality. What if they think something's physically wrong with me because I'm ace, and send me to a doc? If they think I'm heartless (no shade to heartless aros!) or mentally ill because I'm aro? What if I get more than one stressful conversation like the bi thing was, and it turns out to affect my life worse than my coming out as trans did? I have no idea what their view of aros and aces would be, since they definitely don't know it's even a thing. Those were all things I wrote in my speech. It's a real fear I have. Countless a-spec people have experienced shit like that.

I just wish aromanticism and asexuality were talked about more. My parents would have no base to start from; I'd have to explain everything. Coming out as aroace is proving to be the hardest coming out I'm gonna have to do with them, and it hurts, it hurts like hell to be in the closet, especially when I do queer activism all-year round irl and they know.

Not to diminish the difficulty of other queer people's coming outs, but at least as bisexual, I "just" liked different genders than what they expected. With my trans identity, they needed to change everything about how they treat me. That's a lot. But at least they won't question my morals, my empathy, my humanity. Everything that makes me who I am. They might think I'm straight up evil. Doesn't help that they definitely won't meet my "second-cousin's neighbour's son who is also aroace". He doesn't exist. There's zero representation for us. I want to be out to them, I really do, but I feel like it's impossible and I'll have to carry this secret with me to the grave.

I'm just scared, and frustrated, and sick of having to hide. Sorry for the long ask. Hope you and your followers have a great day. <2 [non-normative heart emoticon]

🫂

[madamefeu]

Here’s what your favorite Hazbin Hotel character says about you! I had a lot of fun with this one:

Alastor: You're either a simp, or you're aro-ace and are grateful to have some representation in the form of a main character, even if said main character is a murderer and a cannibal, and not a soul in between.

Husk: You're a furry, first and foremost. Daddy kinks are common, but you have a grandpa kink, and your ideal man is someone like Paul Hollywood. Or you're a massive Keith David fan and you simp for every character he's ever voiced. Ok, maybe not EVERY character. But definitely Dr Facilier. Come to think of it, if you simp for Dr Facilier, you probably also simp for Alastor

Niffty: You know that girl who looks sweet and innocent but has a criminal record, and has written depraved fanfiction that would get you on an FBI watchlist? This is her

Charlie: Hello, Disney princess fans! Charlie is a Disney princess who cusses and you love that about her

Vaggie: You've supported the 'Vaggie is a fallen angel' theory since day one, and you loved saying 'I told you so!' when it was made canon

Rosie: Hello, Radiorose shippers! Don't worry, I'm one of you. Rosie and Alastor are platonically married, your honor. You also wish you had a supportive cannibal mom

Angel Dust: How's that unresolved trauma that you process by lashing out at others working out for you? No, but seriously, therapy would help you, or at least, it would be a healthy alternative to your substance abuse problem

Sir Pentious: You watched Phineas and Ferb as a kid, and you loved Dr Doofenshmirtz, so it's no surprise that you love a character who is basically him in snake form

Cherri Bomb: Your type is party girls capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Either that, or you are a party girl capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Your nostrils will not survive your twenties

Vox: You used to be an Alastor simp but then Vox came along, and now he's your new favorite tumblr sexyman. You never thought that you'd find a TV sexy but that hasn't stopped you from simping for him

Valentino: You've never made a good decision in your life, and you don't intend to start now. Your taste in men is horrible, and you always date bad guys in the hopes of changing them, and you need to stop, because they're not gonna change for you

Velvette: You're the mom friend, and you hate it. You never wanted to be the mom friend, but you have to be because your two friends who are dating can't mediate their own relationship and they make that your problem

Adam: See everything I said about Valentino, because it applies to him as well

Lute: You wish you could be the Y/N in every single boss/employee romance. You fantasise about dating your real boss on the regular, and no one can stop you

Emily: Is Charlie not sweet enough for you? Then it's no wonder that you like Emily instead. Emily is your precious bean

Sera: Lesbian with mommy issues. You're into a very specific type of woman because you have a poor relationship with your mother

Mimzy: Hello, former Steven Universe fans, more specifically the ones who loved Spinel. Mimzy is just a cussing Spinel, and you love that about her

Baxter: You're disappointed that he didn't get any speaking lines in the show. Don't worry, maybe he'll get some in season 2

[lauralot89]

Loveless

I'm late on this because the book was published in 2020, but I only heard about it in the last month when I was reading an article about asexuality in fiction but in case anyone is out of the loop like me let me tell you about this glory

Loveless is a YA novel by Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper and Solitaire. It tells the story of Georgia Warr, freshman at Durham University, and her realization that while she's in love with the idea of romance, the actuality of a romantic/sexual relationship repulses her.

Alice Oseman herself is aroace, which makes perfect sense because throughout the novel I kept asking myself, "How does she know? How does she know?! How did she get these thoughts out of my head?"

for my fellow ace and/or aro people, let me quote some of the lines that just got me straight in the soul:

"I had a theory that a lot of people's "celebrity crushes" were just faked to fit in."

"I was disgusted by the thought of him near me. Wanting things from me. That wasn't normal, was it?"

"Oh, God, this thing is actually real, it's not just in fanfics and movies. And I'm supposed to be doing it too."

"Did I even know what romantic feelings felt like?"

"He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend. I loved his personality. I'd loved his personality for years. So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely."

"I thought I'd understood what all these romantic things would feel like--butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I'd read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I'd watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old. But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up."

"Straight people don't think shit like that."

"Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would. Did it?"

"I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you're all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke."

"How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?"

"I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live."

"How was it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?"

"I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I confused friendships for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool."

"For a long time, I was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people."

"You've been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly."

"Oh. This is an asexual thing. I forgot other people are obsessed with having sex."

seriously the entire time I spent with this book I just kept asking "was this written for me specifically?" because that's exactly how it felt.

It is a gorgeous book that explores that bizarre feeling of not knowing the word for what you are, not even knowing that you are something out of the ordinary because we don't define ourselves by what we lack and we just expect that one day, it'll happen and we'll be like everyone else. That struggle of trying to differentiate between loving someone and being in love with them, and trying to make the former into the latter and hurting everything in the process.

It is so good. 10/10, no complaints

also there's an asshole in the university's queer pride group who doesn't think aces belong and everyone hates him so that's fantastic, aphobes fuck off

in conclusion I highly recommend it

[askthehcc]

To the Hcc I was wondering who all is a part of the LGBT+ community?

Cleo: I’m pan and non-binary, pretty sure Bdubs is aromantic, but he wouldn’t know the word for it.

Impulse: I’m also aro and I’m pretty sure Mumbo is ace.

Cleo: False is Bi, but isn’t really into relationships, at least for now.

Impulse: Again, I’m not certain, but I think Tango might be grey-romantic.

Cleo: That’s a point, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him show interest in anyone…

Impulse: Me neither, which is why I think he might be Grey.

Cleo: but not totally Aro?

Impulse: … no comment?

Impulse: I’m pretty sure he’s also *somewhere* on the ace spectrum.

Cleo: Don’t just brush over that, Impulse!

Impulse: Let’s see who else… Oh, Zed wouldn’t care what pronouns you use, but he’s not really ever labelled himself, so I guess I’d just go with vaguely gender queer for him… Maybe even agender?

Cleo: What do you know about Tango, Impulse?

Impulse: Anyway, I really should be getting back on shift.

Cleo: Oh my god, does Tango have a crush?

Cleo: Impulse, come back and talk to me!

---

Scar: You know, I’ve never really thought about it? I suppose I’d consider myself Pan?

Tango: Hesitation?

Scar: [shrugs]

Scar: I’ve never really been that interested in anyone.

Tango: Apart from that girl in college. Remember in second year?

Scar: [sighs] Yeah… Bonita.

Tango: She didn’t speak English, dude.

Scar: But you did a great job at translating from Blaze!

Tango: And then you asked me to go on a date with you and she slapped you!

Scar: It was your fault for mistranslating! I meant for you to come with us on a date and translating!

Tango: Scar, my man, you asked her for a three–

Scar: I meant as a date with you translating!

—-

Zedaph: You knew exactly what he meant, didn’t you?

Tango: Yeah, of course. I’m fluent in Blaze and Scar. I just didn’t want to spend my entire second year translating for them.

Zedaph: Have I mentioned how much I love you?

Tango: Uh, yeah dude. We had that whole confusion in second year, remem–

Zedaph: I meant platonically!

---

Joel: I'm gluten free.

Lizzie: That's not what the G stands for, Joel.

Scott: Yeah, you're not queer because you can't process gluten, Joel.

Joel: Yeah and I'm not proud about it either.

Joel: Bloody hate stupid wheat!

---

Lizzie: [Looks around]

Lizzie: Keep this between us, yeah?

Lizzie: Grian came out to me about ten years ago, after we tried kissing with each other when we were like, fourteen.

Lizzie: He kissed me and pulled such a face afterwards and I was so offended, so obviously I kicked right off about it, of course, and then he said that it's had nothing to do with me.

Lizzie: And that's when he told me that he was actually gay.

Lizzie: He seemed really embarrassed about it and I don't think he's ever openly spoke about it since. I don't even know if he's mentioned it to Jimmy.

Lizzie: But I did have this little bracelet making phase and I didn't want him to make him a rainbow bracelet cause it felt too obvious, so I looked up the flag for gay men and made him a blue and white one instead.

Lizzie: He wore it for a good couple years after, too.

Lizzie: To be honest, Scott might know, cause he's pretty brushed up on these things, so he probably recognised it.

Lizzie: But yeah, he won't talk about it and I'm not sure how proud he is exactly, but... you know what?

Lizzie: I'm proud of him.

[fandomworld9728]

Polyship Week - Blitzo/Stolas/Lucifer (Day 4):

Aro/Ace & Polyam/Promises/Time Travel/Let's Dance

"What are they doing?"

When Adam had tagged along with Alastor to visit Lucifer, he didn't expect to find stacks of demonic books all around the living room. So, taking a seat next to the only other human in the house, he tried to figure out what they were trying to accomplish.

"Lucifer's magic has been showing up in odd ways and it's been a real bitch to deal with. So, they're trying to train them to control it better."

"Does Luci have to be here for that?"

"What do you- what the fuck?! Where did that bitch go?!"

~

Lucifer wasn't sure what had happened. One moment they were working on exercise to control their magic with Stolas and Alastor, the next they had just appeared in a strange location.

"Who are you and how did you- Oh my. My apologies your highness. I didn't think we would be seeing you this soon."

Whoever this woman was seemed oddly amused by this situation and knew more than Lucifer. "I'm sorry? I don't understand. Where am I? How do you know me? Who are you?"

"Where are my manners? My name is Rosie, and I work for your father. Though I suppose you aren't born yet. Satan is only now thinking about having a child. Seems like it worked. I told him it would. He should listen to me more often. Also, you're in Hell dear. Actually, you're in my room at the palace."

What? This... was a lot to take in. Somehow Lucifer had time traveled into Hell before they were born. And some this woman, Rosie, was able to tell they were Satan's child. What were they supposed to do? They had to get home!

"Alright dear, have a seat. I know a panic attack coming on when I see it." Guiding Lucifer to sit in the chair in front of her vanity, she began to brush through their silky blonde hair. She was a little jealous of it.

"You can tell...?"

"Yes. My best friend Alastor gets them all the time. I've learned how to spot them."

"Alastor? He's here?"

That's right. He was a native demon and has been alive far longer than Lucifer. The whole reason they had met was because Lucifer's father sent him to watch over them. Even if he wouldn't know who they were, it was nice to know a familiar person was here.

"So, Alastor was the one to watch over you? Good to know. I'll explain more while I get you ready."

"Ready? For what?"

"For the party, of course!"

~

Lucifer couldn't believe it. They were born because of Rosie. She was something called a Seer and had seen two paths for Lucifer's father to take. With her advice, their father had begun to look for someone to love and had a kid. Now, here they were meeting the past version of him.

He was certainly an... interesting man. Especially when he saw that Lucifer took after their mother the most. Even in their demonic form. That was a whole other matter. They had to find Rosie when they got back to their own time. She was a great teacher.

Looking themself over in their reflection in a nearby window, Lucifer felt... right in this new form. The smooth and pale doll-like skin, the painted-on blush, their new red eyes... even their freckles were different. They seemed to glow from Lucifer's magic.

Their ears were still pointed; however, they seemed a bit longer and ended in more of a pronounced point. They even had a long tail! And the best part? No more pain in the stumps from the arm and leg they had lost!

Lucifer had stopped being self-conscious over their missing limbs a long time ago. Well... for the most part anyways. It had always made getting back out there after the divorce kind of awkward. But back on track, the only major issue they had with their missing limbs had been the painful flares that would sometimes leave them bedridden.

When they explained that to Rosie, she theorized that the pain had gotten so bad because Lucifer's magic was trying to heal their body but there was a type of mental block pushing back against it. Now in their demonic form, Lucifer's arms went from pale to black in a beautiful ombre and their fingers were replaced with claws. The same went for their legs only their feet were now hooves.

Honestly... Lucifer could get used to this form. Especially with this suit Rosie had put them in. The heeled boots and silk gloves were a nice touch. Though, the top hat was their personal favorite. Not their usual look, but very sharp and flattering.

"Pardon me."

Turning to see who was talking to them, Lucifer could feel their tail lashing around behind them. Was this... Alastor?

"My friend insisted that I ask you to dance, and she has yet to steer me wrong."

~

Dancing with Alastor usually ended up with them doing the Charlston or, when Lucifer could convince him, dancing to polka. So, it was odd to be slow dancing with him. It was still nice though.

"How do you know our dear Rosie?"

"I'm gonna be honest. I just met her. I'm still new to my powers and she just welcomed me with open arms when I appeared here on accident."

"Yes, that does sound like her. However, you look a tad old to be a fledgling demon. Where did you appear from?"

Letting Alastor spin them out, they thought about how to answer. Lucifer was never good at lying to him. Now wouldn't be any different. Once pulled back into his arms, Lucifer looked into those enchanting, glowing red eyes. Damn. He really wanted to kiss him right now.

"Earth. The year 2025."

". . . What?"

"I'm half human." Turning so their back was pressed to his chest, Lucifer had their fingers (claws?) intertwined to keep him from running away. Well, that was part of why.

"Ha! I believe that I am finished with this dance."

Looking over their shoulder at Alastor, they channeled some magic into their eyes to make them glow light blue just like Rosie had taught them, hoping to keep his attention. "Are you sure? How rude of you to leave your partner like this. I thought you said you were a gentleman."

"Prove it."

"Gladly." They began to dance again, much to Lucifer's delight and relief, as they began to list off the things they had learned since the first day the two had met two years ago.

"You like your coffee black, strong, and as hot as possible. Your favorite color is red, and you try to get me to wear it every chance you get. Although, you almost changed it to blue."

"Why in the Seven Circles would I change it to blue?"

"If you hadn't noticed, that's my natural eye color in my human form. My eyes are one of your favorite things about me Your favorite dance is the Charlston. Your favorite song is-"

"How about things that not many people would know?"

Sighing, Lucifer did not want to resort to this. Looks like it was time to pull out the big guns. Turning so they were once again face to face, they smirked up at Alastor. "Remember that you asked for this."

"Yes, yes. Just get on with it."

"You always want the side of the bed closest to the door in case of danger. Your hair is naturally curly, but you straighten it, which is a shame. I love your curls. You're also a mama's boy."

"Wha-"

"While you have a low libido, there are certain things to get you going without fail. Even on nights you aren't in the mood, you still help me in some way to find relief. Usually just talking to me. Your voice is so sexy."

"You-"

"I'm not finished."

Letting Alastor lift them, Lucifer let their hands hover a couple of inches above his shoulders. It was habit as the longer they would dance, Alastor would start to get overstimulated and not want anyone to touch certain areas on his body.

"When you get overstimulated, touch feel like someone is burning you. On days where you just don't want to be touched, it feels like static is trapped buzzing under your skin. Still, even on bad days, you want to dance. You're also... like me. You don't feel sexual attraction for the most part and don't see it as a necessity. Especially in a relationship. You also don't feel attraction to someone unless there's a bond there..."

The way he was looking up at them reminded Lucifer of how awestruck he'd look whenever they remembered anything about him. Dammit! Now they wanted to kiss him even more!

~

Sitting out in the palace gardens with Alastor, Lucifer was in awe at the beauty that could be found in Hell.

"Lucifer. May I see you in your human form? I'd like to know what my future partner looks like."

"As long as you promise not to change the timeline by coming into my life too early."

"If I must."

Amused by the almost disappointed tone in his voice, Lucifer let their human form come back. Along with the pain. Luckily their prosthetics were still attached. That would have been awkward.

"I know that I'm not much to look at... but you, stolas, Blitzo, and Adam always try to tell me otherwise."

"As I should. You are-" The sound of a record scratch surprised Lucifer. He could do that? "Who are Blitzo and Adam? And do you mean Prince Stolas?"

Ah. Shit. There's that possessiveness that is so incredibly hot.

"Yes. Prince Stolas. Him and his husband, Blitzo, are also my partners. Along with Adam. Who is also your partner. Not romantically. It's kind of difficult to explain right now."

Having calmed down a bit, Alastor gripped Lucifer's chin, bringing their face close to his own. "I see. Well, they may be your partners, however, you are my mate. That I swear to you. Do I make myself clear Lucifer?"

Shivering, Lucifer nodded. This wasn't what they expect to happen today, but they weren't going to complain. "Yes, Alastor..."

The hand holding their chin slid to hold the back of Lucifer's neck as Alastor pressed a gentle kiss to their lips.

~

"How did you manage to lose them?! They were right the fuck there!"

"Unhand me!"

Separating the two, Stolas tried to defuse the situation. "Adam, you have to understand. Lucifer is still new to their powers. Magic is not an easy thing to control."

Smoothing out his now wrinkled shirt, Alastor tried to stamp down his temper. It was only natural to lose one's control when a loved one vanishes. Especially when it happened right in front of you. "Lucifer is in the past."

"The past?!"

"Alastor. Are you positive?"

"Quite?" Looking off to the side, a small and soft smile graced his lips as he set two of his fingers on them. "I have met the charming nuisance."

"Oh, come on!"

{1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7}

[phoelipop]

I finally started reading Loveless and its been so painfully relatable like nothing I've ever experienced before

Back in 2015 was when I first learned about asexuality but I was in denial for a while because I didn't think it was real / just thought it was an internet thing. After learning more about it, I realized how much it aligns with my life and experiences I had growing up... but I didn't wanna believe that was me.

Around 2018 was when I fully accepted that I'm ace, I know that without a doubt. I never liked using labels for myself but once I found about asexuality it felt so freeing, knowing the way I am is perfectly fine and normal and that there are others like me.

And for the past year and a half I guess I've been having that same battle with myself over whether or not I'm aro too. I've never had an actual relationship (that i wanted to be in), nor have I ever really wanted one. Like others, I also forced myself or lied about crushes to fit in, never wanted to pursue a relationship with anyone tho. It's all what friends ever cared about, and yeah it's normal! But growing up not actually wanting those things made me feel very not normal.

But I'm human, I don't want to be alone. We're raised to believe romantic love is the one goal in our society and you're miserable without love. I've never been miserable not having a relationship, the only time i was was when I thought I had to and forced myself into them, just because someone liked me i thought I would start to like them back if i tried. I didn't of course and it was terrible. But I still wanted to be open to the possibility that one day I'll meet someone that will change all that. I don't really think that's possible for me and, I'm just starting to believe that's ok now.

Selfship always felt safe for me since it's fiction, and I did try to find friends and a sense of community through it, but again learned even in this I'm different. It's different for everyone though, but even with selfship sometimes I find it hard to relate to others when it comes to expressing love. I dunno… But I've always been happy with my fictional loves and my friends + family, that has always been enough for me.

This book has also made me want to be a better friend… I admit I've been so distant lately with everything going on in my life rn its been hard to see my worth sometimes and believe that I'm actually loved by my friends but trying to work on it… platonic love is just as important, even more so especially for us aroace-spec peeps

[thesummerstorms]

Okay if you didn't see my other post:

Arsinoë internalized the idea that anyone who has a relationship of any kind with her is eventually going to do the cost/benefits analysis and have it come down on the side of letting her go.

I am going to say this puts her in an odd position with Lucanis.

As that romance progresses, he talks about how she deserves better than him or what's been made of him, etc. And I think her immediate, private mental reaction is honestly "wait, no. That's supposed to be the other way around."

The idea that Lucanis isn't enough for her to stay seems ridiculous. Genuinely, she falls for him over the course of the first act and thinks he's so much more than the things he's worried about. If Arsinoë can be at Lucanis's side, she wants to be. But also, leaving because someone isn't good enough is not a decision she is going to make; that is a decision that will be made about her.

That + ADHD RSD kicks her ass a bit after the not-kiss. She's on the aro/ace spectrum herself, so she gets that it's complicated ...but emotions don't listen to logic.

And her mindset also makes things weird with Neve especially after the Choice and after the fight pre-Tearstone Island, or whatever version of the fight happens in a tentatively poly Lucanis/Rook/Neve situation.

She keeps showing up for Neve because she thinks she should, because she cares more deeply for Neve than she ever anticipated. So long as she has a shot, she's going to try. And that's winning Neve over, even if Arsinoë doesn't know it.

But it also means Arsinoë is always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Minrathous and the pre-Tearstone argument both feel like dropped shoes. She's pretty deeply upset in the battle leading up to her entrapment by Solas and is surprised at Neve's reaction when she escaped, despite the mid-mission apology.

I swear... All three of them have some kind of abandonment issues or belief that they cannot be accepted as a person. Everyone else in the lighthouse is either frustrated as hell while watching or eating popcorn.

But I promise I do not intentionally keep collecting characters with abandonment issues/self worth issues. *sigh*