#like i made them aro and/or ace when i didn't even know that was also me :'))))

[demonslayerunhinged]

hello! your post about Giyuu's and Sanemi's emotional needs in a romantic relationship is incredibly good and accurate! I would really appreciate it if you did a similar investigation on Rengoku. if you're interested.

Aw shucks, ☺️ thank so much!! I'm going to disappoint you though, Aside from Inosuke and Haganezuka, Rengoku is the only character that I can't see in a relationship of any kind. I truly believe that he's 100% aro/ace, and I think I know why.

Delusional, bullshit theory incoming!

What I'm about to yap may seem controversial, but I think I can talk about it since I too am neurodivergent, but I strongly believe that Rengoku is intellectually disabled, I'm not sure which flavor of disability, but the kind that makes him have the mind of a child.

I have an autistic family member - Let's call him Leo, that acts similarly, although he's not as loud as Rengoku, but the similarities are there. Here are some things that I noticed that led me to this theory.

His straightforward and literal type of thinking. His inability to clock complex speech patterns like sarcasm and such, which could come across as him being thick, as noted by other characters. I mean, blud didn't even realize that Akaza was straight up flirting with him 😭

His has a fixation with food, Rika's words and becoming a Hashira.

His wide-eyed, one thousand, almost catatonic stare.

His lack of interest in romantic or sexual relationships.

His direct fighting style which doesn't really have any strategy other than just spamming his breathing style attacks, at least compared to the other Hashira's like Tengen, Sanemi, Shinobu, and Mitsuri. Notice how we don't get to really hear his thought process while he fights. Even in the Gaiden, his solution to defeating that demon was to deafen his ears, it's so straightforward like; sound = ears = bad so, sound = ears = no bad.

His cracked core. That part of the story always confused me because if anything Kyojuro has one of the strongest of spirits, then I figured that the core doesn't just represent his soul but his mind as well. So it was cracked not because his soul was fragile or weak, but because his mind was.

But what really cemented my theory is his relationship with Rika and Shinjuro - I think they both knew that Rengoku was special.

For Rika, I clocked it from the way she spoke to him. It was slow and very...deliberate, as if she wanted to make sure he properly understood what she was saying.

Even the tears that she shed, it was like she knew that life was going to be difficult for them, especially for Kyojuro because we all know that the world isn't kind to people who are different, but she trusted him to be strong, and she believed in him regardless.

For Shinjuro, his animosity towards his son's could be read as him being embarrassed by them, Senjuro that has a weak body and Kyojuro that has a weak mind. That's probably the reason why he made these statements when Tanjiro came to their household.

That's probably also why he didn't want Rengoku to join the Corps because he was worried that he wouldn't be able to cope, and I think he didn't want the Corps to know that the new Flame Hashira was simple-minded. Think about it, The Rengoku's are a legacy family, they existed even before Yorichii joined the Corps and taught them the breathing techniques.

I'm sure that aside from demon slaying, they are an actual Samurai clan, which would explain Rengoku's 'UMAI' thing and how his actions and beliefs mirror those of the Samurai.

I think Shinjuro's pride as a Rengoku came before his duty as a father, and after Rika died, he just couldn't cope. I'm sure the thoughts of what others would think and how they would mock him overwhelmed him, 'Look at him, a descendant of the great Rengoku clan who lost his wife and is left with two sons that aren't normal.' I think Kyojuro and Senjuro know this too, they are aware of their shortcomings and how it embarrasses their father. Which is what makes Kyojuro's words to Senjuro even more heartbreaking.

So he turned to alcoholism to cope because it's better to be drunk than to face the painful reality that he failed as a Rengoku, a husband, a father and a man. I believe he actually loved his sons, but his pride and his fears about other people's opinions clouded his mind. For all his hostility, Rengoku and Senjuro were still taken care of; he didn't chase them away, or neglect them (physically anyway), which tells me that he cared for them in some way and that's why they couldn't hate him and why Rengoku loved him till the very end.

Even their last interaction reads like Shinjuro can't face Rengoku because when he looks at his son all he sees a literal spitting image of himself but a failed image, and it will especially hurt because Rengoku is the first son, like in my home country firstborn sons are a big deal in some tribes, and it's hard when the son happens to be different in some way, especially when the son is disabled. My family friend is treated the same way by his dad, sadly.

After Rengoku's death, he tried to drown himself in alcohol to numb the pain and instead focused on his Rengoku pride he probably thought 'that stupid boy, his dumbass got himself killed' but Tanjiro's visit and hearing Kyojuro's last words from Senjuro brought him back to reality. He lost a child, weak-minded or not, that was his baby boy.

That's when he decides to put down the bottle and face reality that he failed his first son and if he doesn't clean up soon he'll lose the second one. This might seem controversial, but I love that Gotogue-sensei shows us that parents are people too. They have their hopes, dreams, struggles and demons, and they are just as complex as any one of us. And I say this as a child abuse survivor, it's not easy to see it when you live with them, but when you're safely far away you can in a way sympathize with them as fellow human beings.

Sorry for the yap, just had to get this out of my system. I'm sorry I don't have any relationship analysis of Rengoku, but I will say this:

Rengoku's disability is what makes his character so brilliant, in other media characters with similar disabilities are often relegated to the sidelines and are only focused on for the audience and other characters to mock them but to make an intellectually disabled man the most impactful character in the story after the great Yorichii is nothing short of masterful on Gotogue-sensei's part. Rengoku was the heart of the Corps, he was THE Pillar of the Pillars, which was why his death was so impactful and why we can still feel his influence even up to the latest season.

Even though he's well-loved within the fandom, I still see some people who think Rengoku is overrated because he's a simple, straightforward character, but here's the thing - that's what makes him so great. The beauty of his character IS in his simplicity. He could have allowed the treatment by his dad to turn a bitter edge lord, but he didn't, instead he worked hard and tried his best to be a mentor, role model and a beacon of light people could look to when it gets dark.

I also love the fact that despite his cheerful demeanor, you could still see that Shinjuro's words still hurt him.

But despite his pain, he always put on a brave and cheery face with everyone, especially his brother, and worked hard to give Senjuro the encouragement and love that he never got. I don't think he knew how loved he was, which was probably why he was surprised by Tanjiros words at Akaza.

Even though I mourn his death, I'm glad that he died knowing that he made his colleagues, his friends and most of all his mother proud and got the validation needed and rightly deserved.

tldr: Kyojuro don't need no hoes! 🙏🏼

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Can I just say how much I appreciate the diversity of ace identities in ISAT and all the detail about it?

(spoilers ahoy)

I love how at first Sif sees the porn scroll as "people doing fun things" but later admits it doesn't interest them at all. Their first response is to say what they know they're "supposed" to think it is, what everyone else is probably going to think it is. But then they learn that it's really ok to admit that they're not into it.

At first Sif is like "why does Beau like me?" but after a while they start to find him cute because they understand the emotion behind his feelings, and while they're not sure if they can actually take it as far as a sexual relationship, they're interested in figuring it out, because for them, that doesn't gross them out, it's just not a drive. This is so relatable to me and I love seeing it bc it's not the typical ace in fiction where like, this character is ace so we mustn't put them in a ship because we should assume it'd gross them out. Sif can be ace but not entirely horrified by sex, and Sif may be romantic (I don't know if even Sif knows whether they are romantic or not)-- I suspect they are demiromantic because it's the intimacy and familiarity of Beau's emotions that makes them start to feel things about the moment by the tree, to the point where they miss it when he doesn't try.

Mirabelle going through the dating service papers is the most wonderful scene because this is what it was like to be ace when I was in my early twenties. Most people didn't know it was a thing, and friends/family were very helpfully concerned that you should find a partner in order to not be alone, because the theory was that it was a basic human need for everyone. I did exactly what Mirabelle did, and had the same kind of reaction: "I have to pick one of these people to try dating because I have to figure out how to be sexually interested in someone so that I can do the whole partnership thing that everyone says you need to do in order to have a fulfilling adult life." Looking at pictures of people trying to figure out how to be attracted to them, or what you like, when the answer is really that you're just Not. And you're kind of torn because some part of you knows that this isn't going to work, but the other part of you legit believes that it's like staying hydrated, you have to do it for your own good even if you're not thirsty.

Mirabelle's being into fictional romance and shipping, just not into doing it herself, is also such a good detail. I'm not aro so I can't speak to that myself, but still, it's a thing. She's emotionally invested in the dynamics between people, she loves watching the details of how they play out, and that's completely separate from ever wanting to do it herself. I've seen it in others and I definitely get that from the perspective of an ace person reading smut-- you can very much enjoy a dynamic without wanting to BE in the dynamic yourself.

Sif coming to understand how attraction works from the outside: "Wait, you can't choose who you get a crush on? That explains so much!" The line made me wince because it's so self-deprecating-- they're probably thinking they're not good enough for Beau-- but I also very much appreciate the realism of how... nobody explains to you how attraction works because they assume you know what it's like, and you probably don't ask because it's embarrassing if they assume that you're an immature late bloomer with no experience of the world, rather than someone who will never have a libido no matter what they've seen. It's so easy to feel infantilized or to infantilize yourself if you're not comfortable with your ace identity. Both Mirabelle and Sif are young enough that they struggle a bit with whether this is really their identity or whether they've just not figured it out yet. In reality, at their age, this probably IS who they are. But they're also a bit hesitant to rule it out because it's really hard to know that you are NOT something, and (given that Mirabelle hadn't really considered the possibility that she's aroace) the culture doesn't seem to have a lot of representation or support for the idea. It's obvious to the player, well, if this is how they feel, then they're ace! But neither one of them can quite settle on that for sure. Because, unlike being attracted to someone where you can go "well that sure did happen", being not attracted to someone is a nonproof. So Mirabelle keeps trying, and Sif doesn't know that their reaction will seem valid to others (as evidenced by the change in how they describe the scroll). Odile, who is aro and who seems to be not entirely ace but isn't exactly the thirstiest plant in the garden, has a different position. She seems to pretty much know where she's at, which makes sense for her age, but we can't really tell if she's always been okay with it or if it's been an issue. We don't know if Ka Bu is a more uptight culture, or how long society has been normalizing non-hetero identities, but we do know she had no female role models, so if any of this heteronormative business was an issue, I imagine it contributed a lot to her feeling of outsiderness. I'd love to know more about how Odile's sexuality impacted her life but she's obviously not about to infodump it on a bunch of 20 year olds, so it remains a mystery. Nonetheless it's pretty great that there's an older aro character, illustrating that people have always been this way, it's just easier for young people to discover it now because they feel more allowed to not be heterosexual. [eta: @butterflyknifepoisoning reminded me that I've misremembered this and Odile isn't actually aro, she's had hatecrushes before and explained them to Mirabelle. Which I kind of sort of remember now! Not sure why I thought she was aro, my memory is crap sometimes. It's still a far cry from yamato nadeshiko, but yeah. Point taken]

...In the end, I find it extremely refreshing that there's a whole RPG party here and only ONE of them experiences sexual attraction, and it's a flamboyant gay-seeming dude with a poorly-kept-secret crush on an enby they/he. ISAT is so cool, it's the best aroace representation I have seen in fiction so far ever.

[i-will-change-this-someday]

My thoughts on Frankenstein:

(This is incredibly long)

Victor is definitely autistic or something right?

It’s honestly shocking to me how much of the book was just describing the scenery.

Also, because I self project constantly, Victor seems kinda Ace to me, maybe Aro with a QPR with Henry, but that might be actual romance.

Kinda surprised that no one ever stops Victor to ask why he’s collecting so many body parts, they’re just like “eh, Victor’s experimenting on corpses again, I guess.”

Absolutely wild for Caroline to adopt a child for the sole purpose of “gifting” her to her son.

I wish I could be motivated in to a hyper-focused frenzy where I actually complete my projects, maybe not for 2 years though.

Alright time for all my unpopular opinions. (this will likely be very long)

Y'all are babygirl-ifying the Creature way too much. My dude murdered at least 4 people. (Technically murdered 3 and framed the 4th for murder.)

Hey, remember when the Creature murdered a child? Yeah, that happened.

Or when he framed a woman for murder, knowing full well what would likely happen to her? (The Creature didn't even know she had any connection to Victor, he fully decided to frame her because of the idea that she would reject him)

or when he murdered 2 people just because Victor cared about them?

I'm not saying the the Creature isn't sympathetic, and it really is unfair that everyone shuns him, but that doesn't mean he gets a "Murder innocents" pass.

On a similar note, and this is maybe just me, but Victor is way more sympathetic than anyone gives him credit for.

When he made the Creature he was a dumb kid that was messing with things he really shouldn't have, but he was grieving his mother and coping very poorly.

So he thinks "what if I could bring her back?" or at least "Maybe I can prevent losing anyone else" so he tries """Playing God""" but it's not because he has a god complex, he's mourning a loss and is doing anything to not think about it while also trying something that might prevent such loss in the future.

I do think he's a bit self-centered, but not in a "I'm superior" way , more in a "Why is this happening to me?" way that makes him forget others' perspectives or how his actions may affect them.

I don't think he's always thinking about how every other person is dumber than him or how great he is.

I do think he has a very strong desire to have his achievements seen and known, because for quite a while everyone dismissed his interests. (Which, just saying, can really do some damage on a kid)

Should Victor not have abandoned the Creature? Yes, but he also didn’t exactly have the mental or emotional capacity to care for the Creature at that time.

When the Creature awoke, Victor was faced with the reality of what he was doing; he wasn’t bringing someone back to life, he was creating something else entirely, so he ran. And afterwards the Creature was gone, and then Victor had a psychotic break for like several months. He wasn’t really in peak parent mode then.

(Side tangent, but any of those “I wouldn’t run from the Creature” people are absolutely lying, you’re really going to react calmly to a 8ft shambling monster made from dead bodies?)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Victor is entirely innocent, but there's a lot of things that he get's blamed for that were not his fault.

Not one of the deaths in the book are Victor's fault.

William died because he screamed and revealed his family name, so the Creature killed him to hurt Victor.

Justine died because the Creature framed her because he thought she would reject him and because she was pressured in to pleading guilty.

Henry died because the Creature wanted to hurt Victor.

Elizabeth died because the Creature wanted to hurt Victor.

If you think any of those deaths are Victor's fault, then you're victim blaming.

Yes, the Creature likely wouldn't have done any of that had Victor not ran, but you know what else would have prevented those deaths? If the Creature didn't kill them.

The Creature is an incredibly intelligent being, by the time he kills William he has learned enough to properly frame a woman for murder.

You can not say he accidentally killed William, he knows what death is.

He didn't accidentally frame Justine for said murder.

He didn't just so happen to kill Henry because he got caught off guard by him.

He wasn't looking for Victor to kill on the wedding day.

He chose to kill every single one of them, and to put all the blame on Victor is unfair to Victor and the Creature.

The Creature is his own person, which means he also needs to be held responsible for his actions.

You can understand and sympathize with the Creature, but that doesn't mean he's infallible.

The Creature has every right to be mad at the world, his first experience in the world is being abandoned by the one who gave him life, and then he is constantly shunned, feared, and hated for the rest of his life, it's not right.

But that doesn't mean you murder people, or if he had to, he should have killed Victor, the person that actually wronged him.

And listen, I understand every minority feels a kinship with the Creature, but for me, there's something about Victor that is so unbearably relatable.

The thing about Victor is that he has people that care for him, but none of them understand him in the slightest, even Henry, he may love Victor but I don't think he really understood him all the time.

So you have Victor, who has people who care for him and who he cares for in return, trying his best to act normal, to pretend there's nothing wrong.

He's trying so, so hard not to worry the people he cares for, but on the inside he's miserable, paranoid, and overall just incredibly mentally unwell.

And that is something that is just so intriguing to me. (Not saying the Creature isn't also very nuanced and complex, just that Victor scratches some itch in my brain.)

Anyway, this is already very long, I honestly have more I could say about it, but this is good for now.

[lululawrence]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

HIIIII omg I love whoever started this going around so much and THANK YOU for sending this to me!!! I also got this from @haztobegood and @allwaswell16 so thank you to ALL OF YOU really! I love love love this kinda thing and hope I haven't missed all of your lists... i'll have to be sure to look for those here soon hehe

Anyway, in no particular order, here are my fav fics I've written... (I think... lol favorites are HARD):

I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) - This was my big bang for this year and man it was a JOURNEY to write. I first came up with the idea as almost a crack fic idea back when I first was listening to Satellite... you know... when it was first released. lol I just didn't have the time or energy or anything to write it but I held onto the idea for ages and had it mostly brainstormed and everything! And then the time came to write it and... I couldn't find my notes. Anywhere. No idea what happened to the fic idea or my ramblings about it so I just did what I could with recreating it from memory and I still didn't know where or how or when it would end exactly, I just knew their journey would be over when it was over, and they spoke to me. When their story was done, I knew. And I am still so fucking proud of how it turned out and @moon-sun-thyme made the most incredible and gorgeous art for it, truly. Just. Probably gonna forever be one of my favorite fics I've ever written.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) - ohhhhhhh THIS FIC OKAY. It's my aspec alpha babies fic. I wrote it as a collaboration with @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed for @1dreversebang a few years ago now and it is still so special to me. I got to really delve into the aspec identities by embodying both Louis and Harry with one of those identities (aro Harry, ace Louis) and then added some non-traditional omegaverse dynamics (alpha/alpha) AND one of my all time favorite tropes, FAKE DATING! It was also a journey to write this fic and I worked so hard to make sure I really felt like I was doing justice to our identities and trying to give good and valid and understandable representation to them, and I really think I was able to achieve that. Some of the comments have been the most thoughtful and humbling and just beautiful I've ever gotten as well, which is just the cherry on top, right? So yeah, this baby defo gets to be on this list for sure hehe

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) - This fic is one of those instances where you write what you want to read, you know what I mean? I had been craving a fic like this one, and I'd read some similar ones but I wanted MORE. The more I thought about it, the more the idea shaped up, and before I knew it I had (I wish I was joking) something like SIX PAGES of brainstorming with the timing laid out and what would happen when to make sure it was slow burn enough but also character development at the right pace and also just... everything I wanted, you know? I've never outlined a fic to that level before and I probably never will again, but after outlining it like that, I then went and wrote this fic, which was the longest fic I'd ever written to that point, in less than a month. It just flowed from me every time I sat down at my computer. It turned out exactly as I had hoped, and it is one of the few fics of mine that I have gone back to read repeatedly. I've not actually read it all the way through repeatedly, there's usually just bits and pieces I'm craving at the moment, but that's still far more than I generally do with my own fics. So I'll take it hehe

a moon, a rainbow, and a carnation - Okay okay okay, there's a lot about this one that makes this one something I'm super proud of, even though it feels ridiculous because it was a fic I wrote for this year's @wordplayfics, but there's a lot of reasons why I really am proud of it lol For one, I'm still new to writing Oscar and Pedro, and I love them SO much but I've only written them in one fic previously (and it isn't even out yet lololol) but!!! Its only the second fic I've ever written with a decent amount of Spanish in it. The lovely @nouies has been so kind as to cheerlead me about the pairings as well as help me with the Spanish, and we have had SO much fun omg. She helped me SO MUCH with this fic, and I so appreciate it and am so happy with how it was able to turn out because of her help! I also tried a new footnotes thing with the translations that turned out to work even better than I anticipated, and that just makes it even better, right? So yeah. I'm proud of it because I did all of that AND ALL WITHIN A WEEK. YASSSS

'Cause What I Want Came True - Okay so once again this one is one that Lou indulged me on because who doesn't love Diego Luna, hmm? lol but I was struggling with Wordplay again and suddenly I came upon a few quotes and an entire soft and hazy idea presented itself that I just HAD to write. It is almost semi-stream of consciousness while also not being quite that way, and I just really REALLY love how it turned out. I've actually already gone back and reread this one and the previous one on this list since publishing, and they've only been out for a week or two at this point. That's impressive and very rare for me. So yeah, quite proud.

I am missing some others that I would probably say are favorites, but you did limit me to five. lololol and These were the five I thought of off the top of my head haha so they will do for now hehe THANK YOU SO MUCH for asking and letting me ramble about my fics for a little bit!! sorry this got so looooong....

[syn4k]

BREAKING NEWS: The queer-themed superhero Arrow Ace has been out on a justice-fuelled rampage this Valentine's Day Morning, sniping villains from above and appearing randomly to whack people who are being rude to the happily single on the day of love.

This is the first appearance that the Arrow Ace has made since October of last year, and we now go to our field reporter Devon, who has managed to get an interview with the enigmatic hero.

Devon: Thank you Gary! I'm here on the corner of 12th and 7th street in downtown Placeville and next to me is the Arrow Ace, who has graciously agreed to be interviewed. AA: Hello. Devon: Sir, many of our newer viewers want to know who you are and what you do. Do you have an answer for them? AA: Yes. Hi. I'm the Arrow Ace, but you can just call me Ace. I was the sharpest shooter in my archery class in college and later decided to make a pun regarding my identity and thus, the hero personality was born. Devon: So do you have any supernatural abilities or are you just really good with a bow? AA: None whatsoever. I'm just a normal guy 99% of the time. Devon: [short pause to listen through her earpiece] Ah. Yes. A question from the studio. Viewers, Ace is most likely referring to the pun his alias makes when talking about his identity. AA: Yes. I am indeed an aromantic asexual, commonly shortened to aro/ace. Devon: Could you perhaps elaborate on that for those watching who might not know what that means! AA: Of course! A person who is aromantic experiences little, decreased, or no romantic attraction to other people. This may manifest as them not getting crushes, not wanting to participate in dating, or being adverse to romantic activities in general. A person who is asexual experiences little, decreased, or no sexual attraction towards other people. They might not want to participate in sexual activities and may be uncomfortable when the topic is brought up in real life or in media. Devon: I see! Thank you for explaining. Does this have anything to do with your backstory? AA: Yes. I originally took up the mask because as a young man, although I didn't have a word for what I was yet, I was often excluded in school both intentionally and not for not having an interest in dating people. In high school, someone who heard I wasn't interested in sex but also hadn't tried it out yet assaulted me to try and "convince" me otherwise. Ever since, I've been trying my best to be a beacon of light for those going through similar or worse ever since to let them know that there's nothing wrong with them and that you can be happy without those types of relationships. Devon: I see! Is there any reason why you're out and about on Valentine's day specifically? AA: I get asked a lot when seen alone in public if I'm single on this holiday. Most of the time, when I answer with yes, the response is something like "oh you poor soul! May you find love soon!" While the person undoubtedly means well, it still annoys me, so I've decided today to be the guy every aro or ace person wishes they had during that conversation.

[B-roll footage filmed on someone's phone of two person having a conversation. The first person asks "So, got any plans this evening?" The second person uncomfortably replies, "No, not really." The first person responds with "Oh, no! Well, better luck next year. Maybe you'll find someone," promptly cut off mid sentence by the Arrow Ace running up behind them and pwhacking them over the head with a paper towel tube. "You're not less whole or less of a person for not having a romantic or sexual partner," he says to the first person, pointing the tube at them. "That is your business and your business alone. I love you. Have a good day." The two people having the conversation stare after him, perplexed, as he runs off out of view of the camera. The video cuts back to Devon and AA.]

Devon: One last question: how do you know if the person in those discussions is aro or ace? AA: I don't, and I never put them on the spot for it. However, whether you experience attraction to others or not, it's never fun to be judged based on the circumstances you may be in at the moment. Devon: A bit of wisdom for us all. Well, sir, it appears that my time is up, but I appreciate you coming to answer these questions. AA: Of course. And, to all who participate, Happy Valentine's day! The shops always have discounts on chocolate the day after. Go treat yourself if you have the means. You deserve it. Devon: This has been Devon of Lucky 7 News. Back to you, Gary!

Thank you, Devon. I have received reports that a new development is unfolding in southeast Placeville- the Nefarious Anglerfish's cat-fish army is leaping up from the docks to attack unsuspecting couples on their walks. I've been told that the Arrow Ace is on his way to get involved. We'll be right back after these advertisements.

[magicalblerdpenn]

So this year, I'd been struggling to embrace being alloplatonic. I'm already genderqueer, bi, and grey aro-ace so you'd think it'd be easy.

Except that I didn't know alloplatonic was an identity until I learned about aplatonic people on Valentine's Day this year.

Ironically, it was several years back on Valentine's Day that I realized that I rarely experience romantic or sexual attraction, and experience aesthetic attraction more.

Yet I struggled to embrace being alloplatonic for several reasons:

Being raised by a Dad who made me feel like I couldn't be "just friends" with someone of a different gender than me. Since I was AFAB, any friendships I had with boys were assumed to be related to romance or sex.

Struggling to make friends, even though I wanted them. In high school, almost every potential new friend I made ended up changing schools or schedules.

Being bullied made me scared to make friends b/c what if I try to make friends, but end up bullied again? I also felt like I wasn't good enough for friends b/c of this trauma.

The unexpected death of my Dad made me scared to get close to anyone. I considered my Dad a friend as well as my parent and losing him hurt me deeply.

People being dismissive of internet friendships

This past Sunday, my closest internet friend Jaz, gave me a shout out in their upcoming book. It touched me deeply; I cried for ten minutes. They are a Black trans friend & we've been internet friends for six years, bonding over our identities, our writing dreams, music, and more. We've kept in touch through social media, email, and chat apps and become each other's source of peer support.

Over the years, our friendship grew stronger little by little and I felt a strong platonic love for them. I loved reading their newsletter, chatting with them, seeing updates about their life and career that they were willing to share. I loved having them encourage and reassure me, and doing the same for them. I loved their empathy, when I told them about my trauma or troubles. I loved how their writing helped me learn something new about myself & the world around me. I've shown my appreciation for our friendship through poetry & digital art and they love it.

Yet, I struggled to fully bask in our friendship until very recently b/c the trauma I'd experienced and the heteronormatvity and allonormativity I'd been taught. I didn't think my strong platonic attraction was normal b/c people dismiss platonic love in favor of romantic love. I've seen this on tv, movies, and online fandoms. I also thought I wasn't worthy of friendship b/c I felt I had to be a certain way & be flawless to have friends.

My friend Jaz, repeatedly proved me wrong, but it didn't sink in until I saw these words in the Acknowledgement section of their upcoming book: "To my internet friends, whose bonds are as deep as any other. To Penn; love you!"

With this, all my fears and doubt washed away with my tears of joy.

And now, I can finally say that I love my friend Jaz. I even wrote them a poem to do so and they enjoyed it very much.

TL;DR I am alloplatonic & proud and no one will take that away from me. I love my friend Jaz and they love me platonicallly too.

[madamefeu]

Here’s what your favorite Hazbin Hotel character says about you! I had a lot of fun with this one:

Alastor: You're either a simp, or you're aro-ace and are grateful to have some representation in the form of a main character, even if said main character is a murderer and a cannibal, and not a soul in between.

Husk: You're a furry, first and foremost. Daddy kinks are common, but you have a grandpa kink, and your ideal man is someone like Paul Hollywood. Or you're a massive Keith David fan and you simp for every character he's ever voiced. Ok, maybe not EVERY character. But definitely Dr Facilier. Come to think of it, if you simp for Dr Facilier, you probably also simp for Alastor

Niffty: You know that girl who looks sweet and innocent but has a criminal record, and has written depraved fanfiction that would get you on an FBI watchlist? This is her

Charlie: Hello, Disney princess fans! Charlie is a Disney princess who cusses and you love that about her

Vaggie: You've supported the 'Vaggie is a fallen angel' theory since day one, and you loved saying 'I told you so!' when it was made canon

Rosie: Hello, Radiorose shippers! Don't worry, I'm one of you. Rosie and Alastor are platonically married, your honor. You also wish you had a supportive cannibal mom

Angel Dust: How's that unresolved trauma that you process by lashing out at others working out for you? No, but seriously, therapy would help you, or at least, it would be a healthy alternative to your substance abuse problem

Sir Pentious: You watched Phineas and Ferb as a kid, and you loved Dr Doofenshmirtz, so it's no surprise that you love a character who is basically him in snake form

Cherri Bomb: Your type is party girls capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Either that, or you are a party girl capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Your nostrils will not survive your twenties

Vox: You used to be an Alastor simp but then Vox came along, and now he's your new favorite tumblr sexyman. You never thought that you'd find a TV sexy but that hasn't stopped you from simping for him

Valentino: You've never made a good decision in your life, and you don't intend to start now. Your taste in men is horrible, and you always date bad guys in the hopes of changing them, and you need to stop, because they're not gonna change for you

Velvette: You're the mom friend, and you hate it. You never wanted to be the mom friend, but you have to be because your two friends who are dating can't mediate their own relationship and they make that your problem

Adam: See everything I said about Valentino, because it applies to him as well

Lute: You wish you could be the Y/N in every single boss/employee romance. You fantasise about dating your real boss on the regular, and no one can stop you

Emily: Is Charlie not sweet enough for you? Then it's no wonder that you like Emily instead. Emily is your precious bean

Sera: Lesbian with mommy issues. You're into a very specific type of woman because you have a poor relationship with your mother

Mimzy: Hello, former Steven Universe fans, more specifically the ones who loved Spinel. Mimzy is just a cussing Spinel, and you love that about her

Baxter: You're disappointed that he didn't get any speaking lines in the show. Don't worry, maybe he'll get some in season 2

[lauralot89]

Loveless

I'm late on this because the book was published in 2020, but I only heard about it in the last month when I was reading an article about asexuality in fiction but in case anyone is out of the loop like me let me tell you about this glory

Loveless is a YA novel by Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper and Solitaire. It tells the story of Georgia Warr, freshman at Durham University, and her realization that while she's in love with the idea of romance, the actuality of a romantic/sexual relationship repulses her.

Alice Oseman herself is aroace, which makes perfect sense because throughout the novel I kept asking myself, "How does she know? How does she know?! How did she get these thoughts out of my head?"

for my fellow ace and/or aro people, let me quote some of the lines that just got me straight in the soul:

"I had a theory that a lot of people's "celebrity crushes" were just faked to fit in."

"I was disgusted by the thought of him near me. Wanting things from me. That wasn't normal, was it?"

"Oh, God, this thing is actually real, it's not just in fanfics and movies. And I'm supposed to be doing it too."

"Did I even know what romantic feelings felt like?"

"He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend. I loved his personality. I'd loved his personality for years. So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely."

"I thought I'd understood what all these romantic things would feel like--butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I'd read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I'd watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old. But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up."

"Straight people don't think shit like that."

"Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would. Did it?"

"I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you're all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke."

"How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?"

"I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live."

"How was it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?"

"I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I confused friendships for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool."

"For a long time, I was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people."

"You've been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly."

"Oh. This is an asexual thing. I forgot other people are obsessed with having sex."

seriously the entire time I spent with this book I just kept asking "was this written for me specifically?" because that's exactly how it felt.

It is a gorgeous book that explores that bizarre feeling of not knowing the word for what you are, not even knowing that you are something out of the ordinary because we don't define ourselves by what we lack and we just expect that one day, it'll happen and we'll be like everyone else. That struggle of trying to differentiate between loving someone and being in love with them, and trying to make the former into the latter and hurting everything in the process.

It is so good. 10/10, no complaints

also there's an asshole in the university's queer pride group who doesn't think aces belong and everyone hates him so that's fantastic, aphobes fuck off

in conclusion I highly recommend it

[askthehcc]

To the Hcc I was wondering who all is a part of the LGBT+ community?

Cleo: I’m pan and non-binary, pretty sure Bdubs is aromantic, but he wouldn’t know the word for it.

Impulse: I’m also aro and I’m pretty sure Mumbo is ace.

Cleo: False is Bi, but isn’t really into relationships, at least for now.

Impulse: Again, I’m not certain, but I think Tango might be grey-romantic.

Cleo: That’s a point, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him show interest in anyone…

Impulse: Me neither, which is why I think he might be Grey.

Cleo: but not totally Aro?

Impulse: … no comment?

Impulse: I’m pretty sure he’s also *somewhere* on the ace spectrum.

Cleo: Don’t just brush over that, Impulse!

Impulse: Let’s see who else… Oh, Zed wouldn’t care what pronouns you use, but he’s not really ever labelled himself, so I guess I’d just go with vaguely gender queer for him… Maybe even agender?

Cleo: What do you know about Tango, Impulse?

Impulse: Anyway, I really should be getting back on shift.

Cleo: Oh my god, does Tango have a crush?

Cleo: Impulse, come back and talk to me!

---

Scar: You know, I’ve never really thought about it? I suppose I’d consider myself Pan?

Tango: Hesitation?

Scar: [shrugs]

Scar: I’ve never really been that interested in anyone.

Tango: Apart from that girl in college. Remember in second year?

Scar: [sighs] Yeah… Bonita.

Tango: She didn’t speak English, dude.

Scar: But you did a great job at translating from Blaze!

Tango: And then you asked me to go on a date with you and she slapped you!

Scar: It was your fault for mistranslating! I meant for you to come with us on a date and translating!

Tango: Scar, my man, you asked her for a three–

Scar: I meant as a date with you translating!

—-

Zedaph: You knew exactly what he meant, didn’t you?

Tango: Yeah, of course. I’m fluent in Blaze and Scar. I just didn’t want to spend my entire second year translating for them.

Zedaph: Have I mentioned how much I love you?

Tango: Uh, yeah dude. We had that whole confusion in second year, remem–

Zedaph: I meant platonically!

---

Joel: I'm gluten free.

Lizzie: That's not what the G stands for, Joel.

Scott: Yeah, you're not queer because you can't process gluten, Joel.

Joel: Yeah and I'm not proud about it either.

Joel: Bloody hate stupid wheat!

---

Lizzie: [Looks around]

Lizzie: Keep this between us, yeah?

Lizzie: Grian came out to me about ten years ago, after we tried kissing with each other when we were like, fourteen.

Lizzie: He kissed me and pulled such a face afterwards and I was so offended, so obviously I kicked right off about it, of course, and then he said that it's had nothing to do with me.

Lizzie: And that's when he told me that he was actually gay.

Lizzie: He seemed really embarrassed about it and I don't think he's ever openly spoke about it since. I don't even know if he's mentioned it to Jimmy.

Lizzie: But I did have this little bracelet making phase and I didn't want him to make him a rainbow bracelet cause it felt too obvious, so I looked up the flag for gay men and made him a blue and white one instead.

Lizzie: He wore it for a good couple years after, too.

Lizzie: To be honest, Scott might know, cause he's pretty brushed up on these things, so he probably recognised it.

Lizzie: But yeah, he won't talk about it and I'm not sure how proud he is exactly, but... you know what?

Lizzie: I'm proud of him.

[fandomworld9728]

Polyship Week - Blitzo/Stolas/Lucifer (Day 4):

Aro/Ace & Polyam/Promises/Time Travel/Let's Dance

"What are they doing?"

When Adam had tagged along with Alastor to visit Lucifer, he didn't expect to find stacks of demonic books all around the living room. So, taking a seat next to the only other human in the house, he tried to figure out what they were trying to accomplish.

"Lucifer's magic has been showing up in odd ways and it's been a real bitch to deal with. So, they're trying to train them to control it better."

"Does Luci have to be here for that?"

"What do you- what the fuck?! Where did that bitch go?!"

~

Lucifer wasn't sure what had happened. One moment they were working on exercise to control their magic with Stolas and Alastor, the next they had just appeared in a strange location.

"Who are you and how did you- Oh my. My apologies your highness. I didn't think we would be seeing you this soon."

Whoever this woman was seemed oddly amused by this situation and knew more than Lucifer. "I'm sorry? I don't understand. Where am I? How do you know me? Who are you?"

"Where are my manners? My name is Rosie, and I work for your father. Though I suppose you aren't born yet. Satan is only now thinking about having a child. Seems like it worked. I told him it would. He should listen to me more often. Also, you're in Hell dear. Actually, you're in my room at the palace."

What? This... was a lot to take in. Somehow Lucifer had time traveled into Hell before they were born. And some this woman, Rosie, was able to tell they were Satan's child. What were they supposed to do? They had to get home!

"Alright dear, have a seat. I know a panic attack coming on when I see it." Guiding Lucifer to sit in the chair in front of her vanity, she began to brush through their silky blonde hair. She was a little jealous of it.

"You can tell...?"

"Yes. My best friend Alastor gets them all the time. I've learned how to spot them."

"Alastor? He's here?"

That's right. He was a native demon and has been alive far longer than Lucifer. The whole reason they had met was because Lucifer's father sent him to watch over them. Even if he wouldn't know who they were, it was nice to know a familiar person was here.

"So, Alastor was the one to watch over you? Good to know. I'll explain more while I get you ready."

"Ready? For what?"

"For the party, of course!"

~

Lucifer couldn't believe it. They were born because of Rosie. She was something called a Seer and had seen two paths for Lucifer's father to take. With her advice, their father had begun to look for someone to love and had a kid. Now, here they were meeting the past version of him.

He was certainly an... interesting man. Especially when he saw that Lucifer took after their mother the most. Even in their demonic form. That was a whole other matter. They had to find Rosie when they got back to their own time. She was a great teacher.

Looking themself over in their reflection in a nearby window, Lucifer felt... right in this new form. The smooth and pale doll-like skin, the painted-on blush, their new red eyes... even their freckles were different. They seemed to glow from Lucifer's magic.

Their ears were still pointed; however, they seemed a bit longer and ended in more of a pronounced point. They even had a long tail! And the best part? No more pain in the stumps from the arm and leg they had lost!

Lucifer had stopped being self-conscious over their missing limbs a long time ago. Well... for the most part anyways. It had always made getting back out there after the divorce kind of awkward. But back on track, the only major issue they had with their missing limbs had been the painful flares that would sometimes leave them bedridden.

When they explained that to Rosie, she theorized that the pain had gotten so bad because Lucifer's magic was trying to heal their body but there was a type of mental block pushing back against it. Now in their demonic form, Lucifer's arms went from pale to black in a beautiful ombre and their fingers were replaced with claws. The same went for their legs only their feet were now hooves.

Honestly... Lucifer could get used to this form. Especially with this suit Rosie had put them in. The heeled boots and silk gloves were a nice touch. Though, the top hat was their personal favorite. Not their usual look, but very sharp and flattering.

"Pardon me."

Turning to see who was talking to them, Lucifer could feel their tail lashing around behind them. Was this... Alastor?

"My friend insisted that I ask you to dance, and she has yet to steer me wrong."

~

Dancing with Alastor usually ended up with them doing the Charlston or, when Lucifer could convince him, dancing to polka. So, it was odd to be slow dancing with him. It was still nice though.

"How do you know our dear Rosie?"

"I'm gonna be honest. I just met her. I'm still new to my powers and she just welcomed me with open arms when I appeared here on accident."

"Yes, that does sound like her. However, you look a tad old to be a fledgling demon. Where did you appear from?"

Letting Alastor spin them out, they thought about how to answer. Lucifer was never good at lying to him. Now wouldn't be any different. Once pulled back into his arms, Lucifer looked into those enchanting, glowing red eyes. Damn. He really wanted to kiss him right now.

"Earth. The year 2025."

". . . What?"

"I'm half human." Turning so their back was pressed to his chest, Lucifer had their fingers (claws?) intertwined to keep him from running away. Well, that was part of why.

"Ha! I believe that I am finished with this dance."

Looking over their shoulder at Alastor, they channeled some magic into their eyes to make them glow light blue just like Rosie had taught them, hoping to keep his attention. "Are you sure? How rude of you to leave your partner like this. I thought you said you were a gentleman."

"Prove it."

"Gladly." They began to dance again, much to Lucifer's delight and relief, as they began to list off the things they had learned since the first day the two had met two years ago.

"You like your coffee black, strong, and as hot as possible. Your favorite color is red, and you try to get me to wear it every chance you get. Although, you almost changed it to blue."

"Why in the Seven Circles would I change it to blue?"

"If you hadn't noticed, that's my natural eye color in my human form. My eyes are one of your favorite things about me Your favorite dance is the Charlston. Your favorite song is-"

"How about things that not many people would know?"

Sighing, Lucifer did not want to resort to this. Looks like it was time to pull out the big guns. Turning so they were once again face to face, they smirked up at Alastor. "Remember that you asked for this."

"Yes, yes. Just get on with it."

"You always want the side of the bed closest to the door in case of danger. Your hair is naturally curly, but you straighten it, which is a shame. I love your curls. You're also a mama's boy."

"Wha-"

"While you have a low libido, there are certain things to get you going without fail. Even on nights you aren't in the mood, you still help me in some way to find relief. Usually just talking to me. Your voice is so sexy."

"You-"

"I'm not finished."

Letting Alastor lift them, Lucifer let their hands hover a couple of inches above his shoulders. It was habit as the longer they would dance, Alastor would start to get overstimulated and not want anyone to touch certain areas on his body.

"When you get overstimulated, touch feel like someone is burning you. On days where you just don't want to be touched, it feels like static is trapped buzzing under your skin. Still, even on bad days, you want to dance. You're also... like me. You don't feel sexual attraction for the most part and don't see it as a necessity. Especially in a relationship. You also don't feel attraction to someone unless there's a bond there..."

The way he was looking up at them reminded Lucifer of how awestruck he'd look whenever they remembered anything about him. Dammit! Now they wanted to kiss him even more!

~

Sitting out in the palace gardens with Alastor, Lucifer was in awe at the beauty that could be found in Hell.

"Lucifer. May I see you in your human form? I'd like to know what my future partner looks like."

"As long as you promise not to change the timeline by coming into my life too early."

"If I must."

Amused by the almost disappointed tone in his voice, Lucifer let their human form come back. Along with the pain. Luckily their prosthetics were still attached. That would have been awkward.

"I know that I'm not much to look at... but you, stolas, Blitzo, and Adam always try to tell me otherwise."

"As I should. You are-" The sound of a record scratch surprised Lucifer. He could do that? "Who are Blitzo and Adam? And do you mean Prince Stolas?"

Ah. Shit. There's that possessiveness that is so incredibly hot.

"Yes. Prince Stolas. Him and his husband, Blitzo, are also my partners. Along with Adam. Who is also your partner. Not romantically. It's kind of difficult to explain right now."

Having calmed down a bit, Alastor gripped Lucifer's chin, bringing their face close to his own. "I see. Well, they may be your partners, however, you are my mate. That I swear to you. Do I make myself clear Lucifer?"

Shivering, Lucifer nodded. This wasn't what they expect to happen today, but they weren't going to complain. "Yes, Alastor..."

The hand holding their chin slid to hold the back of Lucifer's neck as Alastor pressed a gentle kiss to their lips.

~

"How did you manage to lose them?! They were right the fuck there!"

"Unhand me!"

Separating the two, Stolas tried to defuse the situation. "Adam, you have to understand. Lucifer is still new to their powers. Magic is not an easy thing to control."

Smoothing out his now wrinkled shirt, Alastor tried to stamp down his temper. It was only natural to lose one's control when a loved one vanishes. Especially when it happened right in front of you. "Lucifer is in the past."

"The past?!"

"Alastor. Are you positive?"

"Quite?" Looking off to the side, a small and soft smile graced his lips as he set two of his fingers on them. "I have met the charming nuisance."

"Oh, come on!"

{1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7}

[phoelipop]

I finally started reading Loveless and its been so painfully relatable like nothing I've ever experienced before

Back in 2015 was when I first learned about asexuality but I was in denial for a while because I didn't think it was real / just thought it was an internet thing. After learning more about it, I realized how much it aligns with my life and experiences I had growing up... but I didn't wanna believe that was me.

Around 2018 was when I fully accepted that I'm ace, I know that without a doubt. I never liked using labels for myself but once I found about asexuality it felt so freeing, knowing the way I am is perfectly fine and normal and that there are others like me.

And for the past year and a half I guess I've been having that same battle with myself over whether or not I'm aro too. I've never had an actual relationship (that i wanted to be in), nor have I ever really wanted one. Like others, I also forced myself or lied about crushes to fit in, never wanted to pursue a relationship with anyone tho. It's all what friends ever cared about, and yeah it's normal! But growing up not actually wanting those things made me feel very not normal.

But I'm human, I don't want to be alone. We're raised to believe romantic love is the one goal in our society and you're miserable without love. I've never been miserable not having a relationship, the only time i was was when I thought I had to and forced myself into them, just because someone liked me i thought I would start to like them back if i tried. I didn't of course and it was terrible. But I still wanted to be open to the possibility that one day I'll meet someone that will change all that. I don't really think that's possible for me and, I'm just starting to believe that's ok now.

Selfship always felt safe for me since it's fiction, and I did try to find friends and a sense of community through it, but again learned even in this I'm different. It's different for everyone though, but even with selfship sometimes I find it hard to relate to others when it comes to expressing love. I dunno… But I've always been happy with my fictional loves and my friends + family, that has always been enough for me.

This book has also made me want to be a better friend… I admit I've been so distant lately with everything going on in my life rn its been hard to see my worth sometimes and believe that I'm actually loved by my friends but trying to work on it… platonic love is just as important, even more so especially for us aroace-spec peeps

[star-anise]

Pulling a piece out of an already massive post to reply to @zenosanalytic :

Most of this is great, but I feel like this overstates the influence and power of exclusionists; they never took over either Feminist or Lesbian groups or turned them en masse against bisexuals and transpeople, at least not in the US(in Britain it's an accurate description from what I've read). They def were still there, TRYING to(they were majorly annoying in the Fair scene), and you'd meet them or lesbian-separatists moving in wider queer circles, but they were pretty consistently losing that fight especially in academic and political queer orgs and, by the 00s, were pretty much irrelevant. They stayed that way until the Conservative movement deliberately revived/coopted them in the 10s.

Because... here's the bit from the original post I think this is talking about:

That process of expelling bi women from lesbian groups with immense prejudice continues to this day and leaves scars on a lot of bi/pan people. A lot of bisexuals, myself included, have an experience of “double discrimination”; we are made to feel unwelcome or invisible both in straight society, and in LGBT spaces.

It is absolutely true that radfems did not succeed in making exclusionary politics the mainstream policy of LGBT institutions. Hooowever. That's not what I was talking about.

Most people do not engage with the LGBTQ+ community solely by, like... walking into a policy meeting at GLAAD. Generally we do things like finding LGBTQ+ content on social media, or by attending LGBTQ+ social events, or by trying to find people to date!

In those settings, groups that are minoritized within the LGBTQ+ community (bi, pan, m-spec, ace, aro, trans, nb, etc) experience being treated in ways that are invalidating or derogatory. Not all the time! #notalllesbians!! The majority of the community might actually be kind and welcoming, and it might be relatively small microaggressions. But those microaggressions can happen often enough, and in a context where not much is being done to show that we are valued by the community, to create a sense of wariness and unwelcome in a space that ought to be safe for us.

I didn't attend a single LGBTQ+ event, or try to date a single woman, my entire undergrad career, because when I was 16, the first real-life gays and lesbians I ever met laughed and joked, in my hearing, about how bisexual teenage girls are just sluts who are doing it for the attention, not actually gay. It's not that I believed them, since they were obviously wrong; it's just that I went, "Oh okay, so LGBT spaces are still ones where I'll be bullied and shit-talked. I absolutely cannot deal with any more of that, so I'll just never go into those spaces."

Mine is a very small story. There are a lot of little stories like mine, and also ones big enough that they'd look exclusionary even to an outside observer. I know people who actually did get pushed out of their college GSAs, or lost their whole social support network, or had people try to coerce them into thinking they were horrible misguided tools of the patriarchy, in LGBT spaces, because they were bi, pan, m-spec, ace, aro, trans, nb, etc.

If you'd clicked the link in the post labelled "double discrimination", you'd read an NBC article that says, in part:

“This study adds to the growing body of research confirming that bisexual people face unique mental health disparities [that are] closely related to stigma and discrimination [they face] from straight, gay and lesbian communities,” Heron Greenesmith, a senior policy analyst at LGBTQ advocacy organization Movement Advancement Project, said.

(Note: this means "unique" as compared to gays and lesbians, which have been the focus of most mental health research and practice in this area. Namely, bisexuals tend to face certain pressures as a group that cis gays and lesbians don't so much. It does not mean "unique" as in "only bisexuals experience this". Bisexuals are just one of many groups that feel unwelcome or unsafe in LGBTQ+ spaces they ought to belong in.

Maybe you didn't mean to imply that all these experiences didn't happen. I hope you didn't. Because it would be really goshdarn silly for someone who's been on Tumblr for years to suggest that the 2010s were not a fucking golden age of young LGBTQ+ people tentatively reaching out to explore their gender and sexuality, and being deluged with immense volumes of bullshit by other LGBTQ+ people for it.

I don't want to in any way discourage people from reaching out to LGBTQ+ groups, because it's very possible that the reward will far outweigh the risks. It's possible that other people will welcome you and will enforce a code of conduct against anyone who gives you shit. I'm not saying, "Hide forever! You're on your own, kid!"

But on the other hand, it is very easy, in a million different ways, to say "We didn't think very hard about making these groups feel welcome and protected in our space" without ever writing it into official policy.

[forgottenspring]

Mild rant on Alastor bc I'm tired.

*takes deep breath*

I was going to stay out of this so rip to my inbox.

Does anybody remember the whole ace doxing list on here? The whole discussion of not shipping gay characters with the opposite gender? The rep for pan/bi representation and the steps to do it right? Does anybody remember when ppl on here discussed how aros and aces aren't a part of the queer community bc they're not 'gay enough' in a way? Bc I do. That was about a decade ago. And I remember when Alastor was first introduced in the pilot and ppl not accepting he was aroace back then.

It doesn't matter if Alastor is entirely aroace and if he's capable of dating or not.

What matters is we still have so little ace representation and acceptance, especially aroace rep, that a few years ago when a real person Jaiden Animations came out as aroace, ppl tried to destroy her, bc even with a perfect valid explanation of her just saying aroaces are their own thing and she just doesn't want to date, ppl treated it like she was lying or was trying to sneak into the queer community and was straight or all the other horrible things yall might remember "fans" did to her.

Alastor being aroace isn't about being the rep of "Aroaces can feel attraction!!!" bc be real honest.

How many aroace popular characters can ppl list that a regular person on the street is going to know? Bc I've heard all their arguments to invalidate their representation.

Jughead? Oh you mean Cole Sprouse who made out and got it on with Lili Reinhart playing Betty bc he found her sexy? Oh but in the old comics he's a gay character whose in denial. Yelena Boleva? Who? Oh that woman? She's hot she's just traumatized and needs to find the right person. Charlie Weasley? Oh he was only in the books? He was confirmed as aroace through a passive comment most ppl didn't know about from the author that never used the term? Luffy? You mean one of the most shipped characters in One Piece? No he's just an idiot/childish so he doesn't understand girls are pretty. Caduceus Clay? Sorry I didn't watch Critical Role whose that? Are you sure he's aroace? He feels gay to me.

I can list more ppl, but I'm sure most ppl couldn't.

I remember the whole discussion of the pan/bi representation argument of "Yes! We know pan/bi ppl can date the opposite gender. But straight ppl don't know about pan/bi nearly at all or don't accept it," so showing it as gay, who know the term more, until it's shown clearly the character is queer and not "confused straights" they then can have opposite gender attraction. Bc sooooo many pan/bi characters end up "straight" at the end of their show/book. Bc I remember when ppl refused to accept that Deadpool is pan bc of his wife and started freaking out when he dated a nonbinary person in the comics or helped that one genderqueer person he knew.

Representation is about showing to ppl what they're not understanding about the identity in the plainest sense of the words of the identity, then when there's enough rep to show they're not all the same, then you can have the ones that break the rules.

Alastor whether or not he wants to date doesn't matter. What matters is this whole situation blew out of proportion bc ppl refused to accept that some ppl don't feel comfy shipping him. Bc they see themselves in him and don't want that. BUT! Also ppl under the aro and ace umbrella also have no rep and wanted to see him breaking the stereotype they probs have yelled at them of "You can't have a partner you're aroace I forbid it" and wanted to see thru their own experiences how that would be done.

Here's the problem.... As someone who has read a lot of aroace headcanon fanfics as an aroace....... A lot of ppl who are allo don't realize aroace "crushes" are missing emotions... That's why they're aroace. And they'll write them like they're the same just "muted" or "needs to warm up" kinda thing. Or make the character's love "childish" to explain the lack of romance/sex. Which is messed up. And that's the problem here.

Alastor didn't need to be this blown out of proportion of a situation. The problem is ppl found him sexy and the classic "But aroace hot, they can't be aroace bc why hot?" discussion got brought back up without the gentle post format discussions and instead it was a lot of shippers on tiktok with tiny word counts arguing a complex issue.

Ppl should be allowed to ship whatever (except problematic I know yall too well), especially if they see themselves in the characters and especially if they have the same identity and want to explore that!!

The truth of the matter is this is such a huge issue that just keeps happening bc ppl are too used to fandom queer spheres where ppl already know aroace means "off the table" and so they want to play with qprs or grayromantics/sexuals not knowing what that entails bc there's sooooo lil aroace rep that actually explores being aroace and a lot of ppl don't know the basics, and even how very different aroace "off the table" is when you aren't the classic "uwu I'm just innocent and have no friends or importance to the plot so just ignore me and have me be adopted by one of the main couples as a 'kid' figure."

Not to mention that a lot of ppl still think ace means aroace. That aces can't date bc there's ppl who don't know that romantic and sexual attraction are different!

I'm just.... So tired. So very tired of having ppl shout at me what it means to be aroace and being unable to look up the lil aroace rep we have bc of this issue I've seen a million times is all.

[writerinturmoil]

Heartstopper Season 3 Reaction

Just watched Heartstopper Season 3, and I would like to talk about it. (Note: This post contains spoilers.)

This season nearly wrecked my emotions. I cried, I laughed, I held my breath. It dealt with some heavy topics, such as mental health, eating disorders, and grief. Also, I related to some of the themes and topics very strongly.

First, let's look at the topic of grief.

Throughout this season and the last, Tao deals with the loss of his father. He also fears losing the people in his life whom he loves. I can relate. As a teen, I lost my grandma, someone I connected with on a deep, personal level. Instead of clinging to those I love as Tao does, I did the opposite. I kept people at a distance for fear of getting hurt by letting them into my life. It took several years of working through the grief and processing my emotions to get over the loss. It wasn't a loss as profound as losing a parent (I couldn't imagine.), but it was the first loss I experienced. It's great to see how much progress Tao has made in these two season. I also like that the show didn't rush through the healing process. Getting over grief doesn't take days, it takes years. And twenty-five years later, I still miss my grandma from time to time.

In addition, I related to the Aro and Ace representation in this show. It's not perfect, but it's a start. 🪼

I like the scene on the beach between Charlie and Isaac. When Charlie doesn't know what aromantic is, Isaac tells him to Google it. That's the same thing I tell people when they don't know what AroAce is. Like Issac, nine times out of ten, I don't feel in the mood to give people a "vocabulary lesson". I'll only explain what AroAce is to medical professionals or family members.

I also like the scene at the zoo where Isaac comes out to his friends as AroAce. It resonated with me deeply and was succinctly written. If only I could express myself as clearly as that, nobody would misunderstand me ever again.

I was disappointed that the ferris wheel scene between Charlie and Tori was altered from the graphic novel, but I understand the reason why it was done. I'm glad we got more from Tori this season. And if there's a season 4 (fingers crossed), hopefully we get even more character development. Maybe even resolve some of her mental health issues. Depression?

Speaking of character development, I like the growth of Imogen. She's slowly finding herself and discovering who she really is. Working though all the messiness of societal expectations vs reality. I truly hope she finds her authentic self.

Another character that needs more development is Isaac. Now that he's worked through his sexuality, maybe we'll get more of his personality. I want to know what his family situation is like. If he has any hobbies other than reading. And what his future hopes and dreams are. He's my favorite character, yet I barely know anything about him.

Last character that I need to know more about is Mr. Farouk. I like his kind yet serious personality. I'd like to know more about his past and special interests. I'd like an entire episode dedicated to this stern but tender character.

Next, let's move on to the trans issues raised in this season.

I like that they included nonbinary representation, for I'm nonbinary myself, specifically agender. In addition, I feel that they handled Darcy's coming out as nonbinary extremely well. Plus, there's Felix. This trans identity is sorely lacking in media, and we definitely need more representation.

Speaking of trans representation, I like that we got to explore Elle's gender dysphoria and the discrimination that she faces. That scene at the radio station was executed so acutely and poignantly. When the interviewer started in with the trans questions, my heart nearly sank into the pit of my stomach. How could anyone think those appropriate questions to ask? Especially given the fact that Elle is a teenager, and this is her fist interview. My heart goes out to her, and while watching that scene, I wanted nothing more than to give her a big hug.

Now, let's move our focus onto the mental health issues covered in this season.

It's good that we got some accurate representation of anorexia and OCD.

Most shows only depict anorexia nervosa affecting teenage girls and young women. It's good getting the message out there that boys can suffer from this disorder as well. It also addresses the fact that not all eating disorders stem from body dysmorphia. Some develop as a result of mental illness or neurodevelopmental conditions, such as schizophrenia, OCD, autism, or sensory processing disorder.

Most shows depict those with OCD counting the number of times they turn on or off a light switch or cleaning obsessively. Some with OCD may do these behaviors, but they're not a prerequisite. People with OCD have varied experiences and presentations. The commonality between all of them being obsessions and compulsions in the form of obtrusive thoughts or harmful behavior, such as self-harm or suicidal ideation. Even though I feel this show does a good job with OCD representation, it could still be expanded upon. They could really get into the obsessions and compulsions, and showcase the ramifications these have on Charlie's life. There's a particularly poignant scene in the novella This Winter. I understand it could not be included due to time constraints, but I hope something like this is included in the future.

I'd also like to see some discussions around neurodivergent conditions, such as autism, ADHD, or AuDHD. I know that Bradley Riches who plays James McEwan has autism. Perhaps, James could have it as well? It could help dispel some of the stereotypes surrounding these conditions. For autism, most people think Sherlock Holmes or Sheldon Cooper. For ADHD, most people think Bart Simpson. And in a show or movie, never did I see someone who has both like me.

Lastly, my final thoughts.

If only I had this show when I was a teenager in the late nineties/early noughties, I would’ve had the words to describe my experiences much sooner. It wasn't until uni when I had access to the internet that I discovered the words AroAce and agender.

Lastly, as an autistic, I'd hate the only form of communication being a landline phone. I have a hard time understanding someone if I can't see their facial features or body expressions. Also, the person I'm talking to always sounds like they're either chewing food or speaking in a foreign accent. That's why I prefer to text or dm my friends and family. I guess if I was in that clinic seeking treatment, I'd just have to write them letters or postcards.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, take care and stay curious.

[our-aroace-experience]

ok so here's my ace/arospec story

ace:

i learned about being ace

oh i don't know

12 years old maybe

i searched it up after reading about it online

"aroace definition"

it went something like

"being both aromantic and asexual"

i searched up

"aromantic"

"asexual"

at first i thought it was a bit strange

i hadn't learned yet

to distinguish

between romantic attraction and sexual attraction

because i didn't know

people actually wanted sex

people actually saw someone and went

"wow"

"i want to fuck them"

i had a crush on a childhood friend of mine

at the time

(a guy. i am a girl.)

i'd always assumed i was cishet

grew up in a conservative christian household

slightly offtopic but honestly my parents were great

not stereotypical conservative christians

both allies

they had friends who were trans and gay

i'd checked out queer media from the library

and they were fine with it

anyway

back to the story

so since i had a crush on the opposite gender

i assumed ofc

i was cishet

well ofc i wasn't into sex, i was just a kid

but at age 13

almost 14

i was alone

in a hotel room, no parents, on instagram

that's the only time i could get that

late night phone time

when i didn't have parents around

i found @i.put.the.ace.in.disgrace on instagram

scrolled through every fucking post

on their account

and on the #asexual tag

i related to those posts

like

a lot

a suspicious amount for someone supposedly allo

even though i was just a kid

yeah maybe i'd grow into it

maybe i'd feel attraction one day

but not now

and who the hell was going to tell me

what i could or couldn't identify as

so i tried out the ace label

spent hours and hours

wondering if it was right

if i was really ace

if i wasn't too young

but going back to being allo felt wrong

so i decided to keep the label

the first person i came out to

was an online friend

they were so amazing and supportive of it

i love them so much for that

they said i'd been on their gaydar for a while

(a message i still think about

when wondering if i'm really ace)

felt sick the next day

i'd always been an ally

supported my queer friends

arospec aspec trans homosexual i supported them all

but it made me sick

to think about me

myself

being queer

it was sort of rough

but i got through it

later

came out to my friend and her mom

they were cool about it

i knew i'd be safe

they weren't ecstatic or super happy

but they accepted me

"cool"

that's what they said i remember it

i was a hot mess that day too

stuttered over all my words when trying to come out

and they still accepted me

i love them

later

i decided to hint at my identity to my mom

talked about not liking sex

i checked out a few ace books

from the library

my mom took me aside

i don't remember her exact words

it went something like

"it's natural to be curious

but you can't be ace at 14

you're not trying to be

are you?"

ofc

i managed to convince her i was allo

had to be more careful then

arospec:

i'd only had one crush.

one crush who i'd liked as a friend first.

you see where this is going, don't you?

well

i didn't

i'd heard that aces had not very many crushes

so i assumed i was just Really Really Asexual

and i couldn't be aro hahahaha

i'd been in love before!

aros cannot be in love!

oh by golly i was wrong

i started questioning

(only one crush?

my friends are all over their crushes

plural

and i've only had one??

maybe i'm not as allo as i thought)

i debated over gray-aro and demi-aro

picked demi

it described my experience more accurately

came out to aforementioned friend

then aforementioned online friend

they were chill about it

(fucking love them)

then i 3d printed a black ring

and a white ring

ace

and aro

and this is maybe the best part of the whole experience

i had friends who were stereotypical conservative christian

queerphobic

they complimented my aro and ace rings

and so did my mom

and that made me really happy for some reason

shit that was a long ask im sorry

thank you for sharing! i hope your mum comes around to you being aroace one day

also side note: this reads like a poem it’s so well written!