#like i made them aro and/or ace when i didn't even know that was also me :'))))

[bloggingboutburgers]

I admire you so much for being able to share your experiences as an aro ace. It’s so funny, because most of my community knows I’m aro ace, but like, I’m so scared of sharing my personal experience and I think it’s because of how much it hurts to think of that part of my life.

The number of years I spent thinking I was broken because I didn’t feel any kind of attraction to others, forcing myself to date in the hopes that it would “just click” like people kept telling me, getting stressed and mentally distraught when I tried to force myself to show any sort of affection… It’s a hard thing for me to relive a lot of that. I very distinctly remember trying to kiss a guy I was dating that I didn’t want to kiss, but felt I needed to. I spiraled into such a bad panic attack that I drove two hours in a terrible blizzard just so I could get back home to what I felt was a safe place.

I think the hardest part for me was people not understanding my aro ace-ness. The difficulties of simply having a male friend around and having to listen to people constantly ask me if I have a crush on them, then acting as if I’m being coy when I say no (even though there’s no indication of that in my voice). I started dreading inviting my friend to events for that specific reason.

When I did try to date, all it did was add more stress to my life. I was constantly expected to be spending every free moment I had with these guys, and I didn’t want to do that. I don’t think it clicked with my family until I broke down in a hysterical sob one day because of how much guilt-tripping was being done to me when I told them I didn’t want to hang out with him.

And the icing on the cake… the number of times I’ve been told to find a partner because “they don’t want me to reach 50 and be alone and miserable.” To be told that romance is the only way you’ll find true happiness… it’s painful. To be told that the things that bring you joy are not true happiness, that your platonic relationships mean nothing in the grand scheme of things… it hurts far more than anyone realizes.

I should probably stop here, ‘cause I’m getting all choked up, but I guess the bottom line is, thank you so much for sharing your experience and making me feel validated. It means so much to me. Keep being awesome, my friend 💕

I'm so sorry for all the hardships... I recognize myself so much in a lot of what you're sharing. I hate in particular that people act like "ending up alone and miserable" is 100% on you, like THEY don't have a say in that and a role to play in that and they're not basically actively contributing to that alienation RIGHT NOW. If people cared about anything beyond a sexual or romantic partner and kids, if people remembered that friendship is a thing and it's a thing that oughta matter, that would solve the problem much better than forcing everyone to conform against their will.

The only reason I feel comfortable enough to say I'm aroace at this point is because one day when I was 21, a girl I told it to just replied "Oh, okay", which was the first time in my life I ever got a reply like this and not a slew of questions or dismissal. That made my brain explode. In a good way. I'll always be grateful for her, she probably will never know how much. She opened up the door for me to be vocal about myself more confidently and build the invaluable support system of friends, and my partner, and my family, that I have today, and that in turn works as a virtuous circle.

And the only reason I feel comfortable sharing it in the form of comics now is because I did once in 2022 during asexual awareness week just to try some vent art for fun, and people didn't ignore it, or didn't dismiss it, but actually reacted positively to it. That encouraged me to make more. The reason I'm this comfortable and vocal about it online today is thanks to you guys here reading this. Having a positive reaction to what IS pretty much vent art disguised as comedy also shows me I'm not alone. This whole thing is mutual. So thank YOU, and thanks to anyone reading my stuff, for also making me feel validated.

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Can I just say how much I appreciate the diversity of ace identities in ISAT and all the detail about it?

(spoilers ahoy)

I love how at first Sif sees the porn scroll as "people doing fun things" but later admits it doesn't interest them at all. Their first response is to say what they know they're "supposed" to think it is, what everyone else is probably going to think it is. But then they learn that it's really ok to admit that they're not into it.

At first Sif is like "why does Beau like me?" but after a while they start to find him cute because they understand the emotion behind his feelings, and while they're not sure if they can actually take it as far as a sexual relationship, they're interested in figuring it out, because for them, that doesn't gross them out, it's just not a drive. This is so relatable to me and I love seeing it bc it's not the typical ace in fiction where like, this character is ace so we mustn't put them in a ship because we should assume it'd gross them out. Sif can be ace but not entirely horrified by sex, and Sif may be romantic (I don't know if even Sif knows whether they are romantic or not)-- I suspect they are demiromantic because it's the intimacy and familiarity of Beau's emotions that makes them start to feel things about the moment by the tree, to the point where they miss it when he doesn't try.

Mirabelle going through the dating service papers is the most wonderful scene because this is what it was like to be ace when I was in my early twenties. Most people didn't know it was a thing, and friends/family were very helpfully concerned that you should find a partner in order to not be alone, because the theory was that it was a basic human need for everyone. I did exactly what Mirabelle did, and had the same kind of reaction: "I have to pick one of these people to try dating because I have to figure out how to be sexually interested in someone so that I can do the whole partnership thing that everyone says you need to do in order to have a fulfilling adult life." Looking at pictures of people trying to figure out how to be attracted to them, or what you like, when the answer is really that you're just Not. And you're kind of torn because some part of you knows that this isn't going to work, but the other part of you legit believes that it's like staying hydrated, you have to do it for your own good even if you're not thirsty.

Mirabelle's being into fictional romance and shipping, just not into doing it herself, is also such a good detail. I'm not aro so I can't speak to that myself, but still, it's a thing. She's emotionally invested in the dynamics between people, she loves watching the details of how they play out, and that's completely separate from ever wanting to do it herself. I've seen it in others and I definitely get that from the perspective of an ace person reading smut-- you can very much enjoy a dynamic without wanting to BE in the dynamic yourself.

Sif coming to understand how attraction works from the outside: "Wait, you can't choose who you get a crush on? That explains so much!" The line made me wince because it's so self-deprecating-- they're probably thinking they're not good enough for Beau-- but I also very much appreciate the realism of how... nobody explains to you how attraction works because they assume you know what it's like, and you probably don't ask because it's embarrassing if they assume that you're an immature late bloomer with no experience of the world, rather than someone who will never have a libido no matter what they've seen. It's so easy to feel infantilized or to infantilize yourself if you're not comfortable with your ace identity. Both Mirabelle and Sif are young enough that they struggle a bit with whether this is really their identity or whether they've just not figured it out yet. In reality, at their age, this probably IS who they are. But they're also a bit hesitant to rule it out because it's really hard to know that you are NOT something, and (given that Mirabelle hadn't really considered the possibility that she's aroace) the culture doesn't seem to have a lot of representation or support for the idea. It's obvious to the player, well, if this is how they feel, then they're ace! But neither one of them can quite settle on that for sure. Because, unlike being attracted to someone where you can go "well that sure did happen", being not attracted to someone is a nonproof. So Mirabelle keeps trying, and Sif doesn't know that their reaction will seem valid to others (as evidenced by the change in how they describe the scroll). Odile, who is aro and who seems to be not entirely ace but isn't exactly the thirstiest plant in the garden, has a different position. She seems to pretty much know where she's at, which makes sense for her age, but we can't really tell if she's always been okay with it or if it's been an issue. We don't know if Ka Bu is a more uptight culture, or how long society has been normalizing non-hetero identities, but we do know she had no female role models, so if any of this heteronormative business was an issue, I imagine it contributed a lot to her feeling of outsiderness. I'd love to know more about how Odile's sexuality impacted her life but she's obviously not about to infodump it on a bunch of 20 year olds, so it remains a mystery. Nonetheless it's pretty great that there's an older aro character, illustrating that people have always been this way, it's just easier for young people to discover it now because they feel more allowed to not be heterosexual. [eta: @butterflyknifepoisoning reminded me that I've misremembered this and Odile isn't actually aro, she's had hatecrushes before and explained them to Mirabelle. Which I kind of sort of remember now! Not sure why I thought she was aro, my memory is crap sometimes. It's still a far cry from yamato nadeshiko, but yeah. Point taken]

...In the end, I find it extremely refreshing that there's a whole RPG party here and only ONE of them experiences sexual attraction, and it's a flamboyant gay-seeming dude with a poorly-kept-secret crush on an enby they/he. ISAT is so cool, it's the best aroace representation I have seen in fiction so far ever.

[tetitous]

Everyone, I have done it.

So, the post about Yugo and queerness in Wakfu is a 3 parter due to my use and abuse of pictures. You'll be able to enjoy part 2 here, and dw I'll add one at the bottom too

First, I would like to preface this by saying that, while I do believe they didn’t create or write Yugo with the idea making him queer in mind, I do not think the creators made things unintentionally either. What I think they actually wanted to do with Yugo, was to have a character that felt as gender neutral as possible, in order to make him relatable to the show's originally young audience, without alienating girls or boys. A character not leaning too much one way or the other.

But as such Yugo is a character that can be read within a queer lens without that much of an effort. I know a lot of people on this site hc him as on the aro and/or ace spectrum, some degree of nonbinary and in my specific case as genderfluid bi/pan, and I'm even considering possibly intersex.

Wakfu also happens to be the kind of show that, whether intentionally or not, just finds itself to have a ton and a half of queerness in it: from simple implications to actually out queer characters, the world depicted in the show is a diverse one, in that sense and more.

That’s why I genuinely think that it's not just random readings that come from fandom's typical queering goggles, I think there are elements in the show that do help these readings, precise elements as well as elements that need a little more digging.

So here's what this post aims to do: to find those elements and compile them in as clear a way as possible. Please do take into account that I am very easily prone to reaching so if you don't see it, that's totally fine, and I may end up structuring things in very chaotic ways, but I am doing my best.

I decided to separate my writing between the gender elements and the sexuality elements, with a listing format. One element, one dash. Since I am french and don’t know much about the english translation, I’ll be illustrating everything using screenshots as reminders, and will be adding some small notes and quotes translated by myself when needed. Well then, let's get started!

The gender category, or as I'd like to call it "this could have been an email- but make it about a trans character":

Yugo's name: first, this one is 100% due to a fic I read that made me reflect on a very interesting fact: in s1ep1, when Alibert finds Grougal's message, Yugo's name is never mentioned.

During that scene, he’s only called “this child” and “that small one”

What that means, given that Yugo's name has been "Yugo" since previous lives, is that either Alibert somehow picked the right name on first try, or, more logically, that he didn't. That Yugo got called another name for some years, until he got old enough to correct them.

And you would think the argument stops there, but in s2ep12, a character gets openly deadnamed and mocked for it by literally everyone, saying "his real name is…". There is one exception to this,

Yugo, who never mocks him and says "It’s not because your parents named you… ", which is a very interesting nuance in phrasing. It implies that, while to others the name their parents chose is a "real" name, an immovable fact of life, to Yugo it is a choice made by others for them, that can be wrong, that can be changed.

Yugo's relationship with femininity (and masculinity): Have you ever noticed that the Brotherhood of the Tofu very frequently separate themselves with gendered terms? You’ll often hear Tristepin and Ruel call Amalia and Eva “the girls” and Eva and Amalia call them plus Yugo “the boys”. Prior to the OVAs Yugo only does so in one episode, s2ep21, the one episode where he's magically seduced into being aggressive towards "the girls".

“You are so strong and smart, right guys?”

“If you aren’t happy you can go with the girls!”

Prior to this, Yugo never really plays into gender roles, and after it will be mainly due to his aging process, which we will discuss.

Yugo seems to treat socially gendered activities as if they weren’t, I believe it is also noticeable with his relationship to heroism, though that one can only be inferred in contrast to Tristepin's former very strict hero/princess binary viewpoint.

(Here I would have put an exception about the OVA and him admitting he always wanted to save a princess, but given that in the most recent manga the term is used as a pet name for him I guess I’ll let that one slide)

During s1ep4, Yugo crossdresses and not only is he comfortable with that fact, not only is he the one who came up with the idea (although Amalia gave him an unconscious push), he is thriving in it.

Look at the joy on his face upon putting a bow on.

I feel the need to remind everyone Yugo is 12 during s1, an age at which young boys are definitely aware of a gender divide and typically reject girly stuff like the pest.

Back to the Boufbowl episode once more, in s1ep10, you may have noticed Ruel calling being a cheerleader “being the girls”, and while Yugo may be on the bench as a substitute, he does participate in cheerleading right in the next episode.

Two three very motivated children and their unconvinced chaperone.

Actually he is the only character in the Brotherhood of the Tofu to be a cheerleader during both Boufbowl arcs.

His outfits are also not strongly gendered, especially compared to Tristepin's chest-out s2 design or Eva and Amalia's early short skirts, his most gendered character design might be his adult-form one, and even then, when compared to Nora's, you’ll notice Yugo is only ever wearing the same thing as her with added details (royal details?) and his own color palette. My take is he’s actually meant to look like the Eliatrope goddess, with his cape reproducing her hair.

S4 teaser Yugo because we don’t have a clean pic of his s4 design, and I did my best for Nora.

Yugo's aging process as a metaphor for transness: as we all know, from the OVAs until the last quarter of s4, Yugo is a young adult trapped within a child's body. He gets mocked and infantilized on the regular, his status as king belittled. The only thing that he maintains some form of respect for is his status as a hero. And you can tell it is weighing him down. For one, this body is an obstacle to his relationship with Amalia, not just due to the eyes of others,

"I grow slowly whereas she, she became a queen, a woman...", with the implication "and I'm not a man” or “I don't pass as one"

but also due to his own degrading self-perception.

“Let’s see who’s small!”

(notice how easily he gets tickled by a simple comment on his size, how the mere notion of his body being revealed becomes reason enough for violence in s3ep7).

Yugo gets angry and violent, a lot, and more than is typically expected of him.

“I tried thinking like Yugo, I’m sure he would have preferred this to the hit-you-in-the-face method.”

“Dear little brother, I don’t know what happened to you these last few years, but I don’t recognize you anymore!”

A result of trauma, sure, but if you're like me you may have noticed how turning into an adult made him feel very… relaxed, suddenly. In a way that can be compared to the disappearance of symptoms of body dysphoria with people who go through a process of gender-affirming transition.

As an aside, his s3 design really makes him look like he's wearing a binder, in addition to the turtleneck that would hide the absence of an Adam's apple, the look is very transmasc.

That one particular art of him is what really marked me, because of the slight shade under the chest. Doesn’t mean it is a binder, just means it could look like one.

Yugo's Eliatrope hat as a metaphor: There may not seem like there is much to say, but the fact is that this hat was very mysterious for a very long time. If you were part of the fandom before the s2 finale you may have been theorizing on a forum about what was going on behind that hat (I was on the "a second pair of ears but these are shaped like cat ears" team, but still slightly unconvinced), and you knew that there wasn't anyone more curious about this than Nox.

“We may finally get to find out what you hide under your hat.

-Even my friends never forced me to tell them!”

was a very iconic line, one that definitely could remind people of the infamous "what's in your pants" question.

Well the Brotherhood was curious as well, but mostly respectful and patient with their friend.

It was clear that there was discomfort with that part of him that he refused to reveal, so much so that he probably never washed with any of his friends. When they would hang around for days, when the girls wouldn't care between each other (and neither would Eva and Pinpin between each other, wink wink), when they would all sleep together, Yugo probably would still never take it off in front of them.

Overall my point is just that inthe rare times the hat gets discussed, it just doesn't sound cis.

the Eliotropes: they're coming back in the sexuality section, dw.

But, as Yugo himself says, they are "versions" of himself. The interesting question now is "in which way?" Since they are not "past versions" of him, and since they seem to "inherit" some of his personality/physical traits, I do believe them to be an expression of his own fragmented sense of self. Some of them may be men, as a reflection of his own perception of himself as one, but then some may be women for that same reason, and well some are women, some even are canonically enby.

Character on the far left is enby and character on the far right is a woman. Obviously Echo is not an Eliotrope.

One could even go as far as considering these traits can physically express themselves only because Yugo's anatomy reflects them, and in that case we can go into not just a gender reading, but into an intersex one. Pushing further into it, Yugo, being their creator, effectively gave birth to them, and as such they call him father, but the act of giving birth itself is typically associated with the feminine, sowe could argue that Yugo’s position is both one of father and of mother.

Of course they also have physical and mental aspects that are separate from Yugo, like none of the ones we met are the same sandy blonde as Yugo is for example, but the ambiguity of the existence of the Eliotropes is and will always be a matter of "where does Yugo end and where do they begin?".

A little question mark for the road: In OVA2, as a joke, Rubilax “reveals” that Tristepin was actually a woman all along. This is a sample of everyone’s reaction:

1st, Amalia is so bi it’s insane, but that’s not my point here. Yugo’s reaction being of absolute shock, even more so than Tristepin himself always had me wondering what was going on in his head. Through a queer lens it remains just as hard to read through, so my personal take is that Yugo is amazed at how male-“passing” Pinpin is, so much so he may think “You mean to tell me I knew that guy for years and never realized he was trans too?!” I don’t know, I’d love to get some feedback on that one.

That first section was 2 pages-long without the pictures, so let’s take a tiny break and enjoy some Yugo cuteness as a breather.

Just the cutest. He doesn’t even need to try.

part 2

[lululawrence]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

HIIIII omg I love whoever started this going around so much and THANK YOU for sending this to me!!! I also got this from @haztobegood and @allwaswell16 so thank you to ALL OF YOU really! I love love love this kinda thing and hope I haven't missed all of your lists... i'll have to be sure to look for those here soon hehe

Anyway, in no particular order, here are my fav fics I've written... (I think... lol favorites are HARD):

I'm Praying (that you don't burn out or fade away) - This was my big bang for this year and man it was a JOURNEY to write. I first came up with the idea as almost a crack fic idea back when I first was listening to Satellite... you know... when it was first released. lol I just didn't have the time or energy or anything to write it but I held onto the idea for ages and had it mostly brainstormed and everything! And then the time came to write it and... I couldn't find my notes. Anywhere. No idea what happened to the fic idea or my ramblings about it so I just did what I could with recreating it from memory and I still didn't know where or how or when it would end exactly, I just knew their journey would be over when it was over, and they spoke to me. When their story was done, I knew. And I am still so fucking proud of how it turned out and @moon-sun-thyme made the most incredible and gorgeous art for it, truly. Just. Probably gonna forever be one of my favorite fics I've ever written.

What I Have With You (I don't want with anyone else) - ohhhhhhh THIS FIC OKAY. It's my aspec alpha babies fic. I wrote it as a collaboration with @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed for @1dreversebang a few years ago now and it is still so special to me. I got to really delve into the aspec identities by embodying both Louis and Harry with one of those identities (aro Harry, ace Louis) and then added some non-traditional omegaverse dynamics (alpha/alpha) AND one of my all time favorite tropes, FAKE DATING! It was also a journey to write this fic and I worked so hard to make sure I really felt like I was doing justice to our identities and trying to give good and valid and understandable representation to them, and I really think I was able to achieve that. Some of the comments have been the most thoughtful and humbling and just beautiful I've ever gotten as well, which is just the cherry on top, right? So yeah, this baby defo gets to be on this list for sure hehe

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night) - This fic is one of those instances where you write what you want to read, you know what I mean? I had been craving a fic like this one, and I'd read some similar ones but I wanted MORE. The more I thought about it, the more the idea shaped up, and before I knew it I had (I wish I was joking) something like SIX PAGES of brainstorming with the timing laid out and what would happen when to make sure it was slow burn enough but also character development at the right pace and also just... everything I wanted, you know? I've never outlined a fic to that level before and I probably never will again, but after outlining it like that, I then went and wrote this fic, which was the longest fic I'd ever written to that point, in less than a month. It just flowed from me every time I sat down at my computer. It turned out exactly as I had hoped, and it is one of the few fics of mine that I have gone back to read repeatedly. I've not actually read it all the way through repeatedly, there's usually just bits and pieces I'm craving at the moment, but that's still far more than I generally do with my own fics. So I'll take it hehe

a moon, a rainbow, and a carnation - Okay okay okay, there's a lot about this one that makes this one something I'm super proud of, even though it feels ridiculous because it was a fic I wrote for this year's @wordplayfics, but there's a lot of reasons why I really am proud of it lol For one, I'm still new to writing Oscar and Pedro, and I love them SO much but I've only written them in one fic previously (and it isn't even out yet lololol) but!!! Its only the second fic I've ever written with a decent amount of Spanish in it. The lovely @nouies has been so kind as to cheerlead me about the pairings as well as help me with the Spanish, and we have had SO much fun omg. She helped me SO MUCH with this fic, and I so appreciate it and am so happy with how it was able to turn out because of her help! I also tried a new footnotes thing with the translations that turned out to work even better than I anticipated, and that just makes it even better, right? So yeah. I'm proud of it because I did all of that AND ALL WITHIN A WEEK. YASSSS

'Cause What I Want Came True - Okay so once again this one is one that Lou indulged me on because who doesn't love Diego Luna, hmm? lol but I was struggling with Wordplay again and suddenly I came upon a few quotes and an entire soft and hazy idea presented itself that I just HAD to write. It is almost semi-stream of consciousness while also not being quite that way, and I just really REALLY love how it turned out. I've actually already gone back and reread this one and the previous one on this list since publishing, and they've only been out for a week or two at this point. That's impressive and very rare for me. So yeah, quite proud.

I am missing some others that I would probably say are favorites, but you did limit me to five. lololol and These were the five I thought of off the top of my head haha so they will do for now hehe THANK YOU SO MUCH for asking and letting me ramble about my fics for a little bit!! sorry this got so looooong....

[syn4k]

BREAKING NEWS: The queer-themed superhero Arrow Ace has been out on a justice-fuelled rampage this Valentine's Day Morning, sniping villains from above and appearing randomly to whack people who are being rude to the happily single on the day of love.

This is the first appearance that the Arrow Ace has made since October of last year, and we now go to our field reporter Devon, who has managed to get an interview with the enigmatic hero.

Devon: Thank you Gary! I'm here on the corner of 12th and 7th street in downtown Placeville and next to me is the Arrow Ace, who has graciously agreed to be interviewed. AA: Hello. Devon: Sir, many of our newer viewers want to know who you are and what you do. Do you have an answer for them? AA: Yes. Hi. I'm the Arrow Ace, but you can just call me Ace. I was the sharpest shooter in my archery class in college and later decided to make a pun regarding my identity and thus, the hero personality was born. Devon: So do you have any supernatural abilities or are you just really good with a bow? AA: None whatsoever. I'm just a normal guy 99% of the time. Devon: [short pause to listen through her earpiece] Ah. Yes. A question from the studio. Viewers, Ace is most likely referring to the pun his alias makes when talking about his identity. AA: Yes. I am indeed an aromantic asexual, commonly shortened to aro/ace. Devon: Could you perhaps elaborate on that for those watching who might not know what that means! AA: Of course! A person who is aromantic experiences little, decreased, or no romantic attraction to other people. This may manifest as them not getting crushes, not wanting to participate in dating, or being adverse to romantic activities in general. A person who is asexual experiences little, decreased, or no sexual attraction towards other people. They might not want to participate in sexual activities and may be uncomfortable when the topic is brought up in real life or in media. Devon: I see! Thank you for explaining. Does this have anything to do with your backstory? AA: Yes. I originally took up the mask because as a young man, although I didn't have a word for what I was yet, I was often excluded in school both intentionally and not for not having an interest in dating people. In high school, someone who heard I wasn't interested in sex but also hadn't tried it out yet assaulted me to try and "convince" me otherwise. Ever since, I've been trying my best to be a beacon of light for those going through similar or worse ever since to let them know that there's nothing wrong with them and that you can be happy without those types of relationships. Devon: I see! Is there any reason why you're out and about on Valentine's day specifically? AA: I get asked a lot when seen alone in public if I'm single on this holiday. Most of the time, when I answer with yes, the response is something like "oh you poor soul! May you find love soon!" While the person undoubtedly means well, it still annoys me, so I've decided today to be the guy every aro or ace person wishes they had during that conversation.

[B-roll footage filmed on someone's phone of two person having a conversation. The first person asks "So, got any plans this evening?" The second person uncomfortably replies, "No, not really." The first person responds with "Oh, no! Well, better luck next year. Maybe you'll find someone," promptly cut off mid sentence by the Arrow Ace running up behind them and pwhacking them over the head with a paper towel tube. "You're not less whole or less of a person for not having a romantic or sexual partner," he says to the first person, pointing the tube at them. "That is your business and your business alone. I love you. Have a good day." The two people having the conversation stare after him, perplexed, as he runs off out of view of the camera. The video cuts back to Devon and AA.]

Devon: One last question: how do you know if the person in those discussions is aro or ace? AA: I don't, and I never put them on the spot for it. However, whether you experience attraction to others or not, it's never fun to be judged based on the circumstances you may be in at the moment. Devon: A bit of wisdom for us all. Well, sir, it appears that my time is up, but I appreciate you coming to answer these questions. AA: Of course. And, to all who participate, Happy Valentine's day! The shops always have discounts on chocolate the day after. Go treat yourself if you have the means. You deserve it. Devon: This has been Devon of Lucky 7 News. Back to you, Gary!

Thank you, Devon. I have received reports that a new development is unfolding in southeast Placeville- the Nefarious Anglerfish's cat-fish army is leaping up from the docks to attack unsuspecting couples on their walks. I've been told that the Arrow Ace is on his way to get involved. We'll be right back after these advertisements.

[lampochkaart]

13 for danganronpa ask game?

13.) Favorite Love Hotel Scene?

Hi!

That question really made me think a lot, because I'm not a big fan of love hotel scenes. But actually there are a few that I think are kinda fun. I reread some of them that I remember liking so here they are.

I really liked Kiibo's event, because it's both sweet and very funny. It's just:

Kiibo: *starts saying wedding vows*

Shuichi: I ENTERED THE ROOM TWO MINUTES AGO SLOW DOWN

Kiibo: I'm sorry for being so pushy. I'm not actually in love with you, I just didn't think I could ask someone else to help me experience love.

Shuichi: It's okay. And I think I want to help you.

Kiibo: I am in love with you now.

Shuichi: KIIBO-

And also

Kiibo: Can I hold your hand?

Shichi: Kiibo, that's a handshake.

Kiibo: Oh. Can we stay like this though?

Shuichi: Sure

It's just so funny ajstjathahtah

Also how Kiibo talks about wanting experience love, because he always hears people calling it "the most precious, wonderful feeling in the world". And immediately thinks he's in love when someone shows him basic kindness and it feels nice... He's so aro to me. And ace! He never even considered sex in his fantasy, so *points finger* ACE. Because I said so.

I also really like Maki's event. It's so fascinating how specific she was with what she said.

This could be interpreted two ways. One: she spent a lot of time creating some detailed scenario during her asassin training and work. Two: she's talking about some very specific person from her childhood. I personally like the second version more.

It would be so interesing to know more about the person memory of whom she carried through YEARS, thinking about what could've been. Are they alive? Are they still in an orphanage or are they somewhere else now? Do they remember Maki? Do they think about her? How would they react if they saw Maki now?

I think it's so interesing to wonder about all this. Also I really like the idea that Maki's ideal partner is her best friend (demiromantic Maki, let's goooooo)

And Ryoma's event is also really nice, but sad.

How he was trying to push Shuichi away, even though he actually didn't want him to leave. How he felt like it was pathetic that he wanted to feel loved and cared about. How he felt like he simply didn't deserve it, even though he wanted it more than anything. How he probably wanted his manager to reach out and offer his support to him. And how he probably didn't, or Ryoma pushed him away. And how lonely it makes Ryoma feel.

It's a shame that we only get to deduce all this from his love hotel event instead of getting to gradually see this in the main events of the game. But that's just how it is with Danganronpa. There are a lot of characters and it's unfortunately expected that some of them will die without having time to shine and get their character development. It's bound to happen with DR, but it's still sad.

Ryoma's event is bittersweet, but it's so so good.

So yeah. Those are Love Hotel scenes that liked. I didn't want to just pick one because all 3 of those are interesting on their own. And also those are the ones of the few that I actually liked. Other ones I'm either neutral about or just don't like them.

(But also honorable mention to Kaito's event that I liked for a very obvious reason).

Anyway, thank you for your question! Hope you don't mind kind of a long answer!

[madamefeu]

Here’s what your favorite Hazbin Hotel character says about you! I had a lot of fun with this one:

Alastor: You're either a simp, or you're aro-ace and are grateful to have some representation in the form of a main character, even if said main character is a murderer and a cannibal, and not a soul in between.

Husk: You're a furry, first and foremost. Daddy kinks are common, but you have a grandpa kink, and your ideal man is someone like Paul Hollywood. Or you're a massive Keith David fan and you simp for every character he's ever voiced. Ok, maybe not EVERY character. But definitely Dr Facilier. Come to think of it, if you simp for Dr Facilier, you probably also simp for Alastor

Niffty: You know that girl who looks sweet and innocent but has a criminal record, and has written depraved fanfiction that would get you on an FBI watchlist? This is her

Charlie: Hello, Disney princess fans! Charlie is a Disney princess who cusses and you love that about her

Vaggie: You've supported the 'Vaggie is a fallen angel' theory since day one, and you loved saying 'I told you so!' when it was made canon

Rosie: Hello, Radiorose shippers! Don't worry, I'm one of you. Rosie and Alastor are platonically married, your honor. You also wish you had a supportive cannibal mom

Angel Dust: How's that unresolved trauma that you process by lashing out at others working out for you? No, but seriously, therapy would help you, or at least, it would be a healthy alternative to your substance abuse problem

Sir Pentious: You watched Phineas and Ferb as a kid, and you loved Dr Doofenshmirtz, so it's no surprise that you love a character who is basically him in snake form

Cherri Bomb: Your type is party girls capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Either that, or you are a party girl capable of handling enough cocaine to kill a bull elephant. Your nostrils will not survive your twenties

Vox: You used to be an Alastor simp but then Vox came along, and now he's your new favorite tumblr sexyman. You never thought that you'd find a TV sexy but that hasn't stopped you from simping for him

Valentino: You've never made a good decision in your life, and you don't intend to start now. Your taste in men is horrible, and you always date bad guys in the hopes of changing them, and you need to stop, because they're not gonna change for you

Velvette: You're the mom friend, and you hate it. You never wanted to be the mom friend, but you have to be because your two friends who are dating can't mediate their own relationship and they make that your problem

Adam: See everything I said about Valentino, because it applies to him as well

Lute: You wish you could be the Y/N in every single boss/employee romance. You fantasise about dating your real boss on the regular, and no one can stop you

Emily: Is Charlie not sweet enough for you? Then it's no wonder that you like Emily instead. Emily is your precious bean

Sera: Lesbian with mommy issues. You're into a very specific type of woman because you have a poor relationship with your mother

Mimzy: Hello, former Steven Universe fans, more specifically the ones who loved Spinel. Mimzy is just a cussing Spinel, and you love that about her

Baxter: You're disappointed that he didn't get any speaking lines in the show. Don't worry, maybe he'll get some in season 2

[lauralot89]

Loveless

I'm late on this because the book was published in 2020, but I only heard about it in the last month when I was reading an article about asexuality in fiction but in case anyone is out of the loop like me let me tell you about this glory

Loveless is a YA novel by Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper and Solitaire. It tells the story of Georgia Warr, freshman at Durham University, and her realization that while she's in love with the idea of romance, the actuality of a romantic/sexual relationship repulses her.

Alice Oseman herself is aroace, which makes perfect sense because throughout the novel I kept asking myself, "How does she know? How does she know?! How did she get these thoughts out of my head?"

for my fellow ace and/or aro people, let me quote some of the lines that just got me straight in the soul:

"I had a theory that a lot of people's "celebrity crushes" were just faked to fit in."

"I was disgusted by the thought of him near me. Wanting things from me. That wasn't normal, was it?"

"Oh, God, this thing is actually real, it's not just in fanfics and movies. And I'm supposed to be doing it too."

"Did I even know what romantic feelings felt like?"

"He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend. I loved his personality. I'd loved his personality for years. So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely."

"I thought I'd understood what all these romantic things would feel like--butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I'd read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I'd watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old. But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up."

"Straight people don't think shit like that."

"Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would. Did it?"

"I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you're all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke."

"How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?"

"I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live."

"How was it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?"

"I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I confused friendships for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool."

"For a long time, I was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people."

"You've been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly."

"Oh. This is an asexual thing. I forgot other people are obsessed with having sex."

seriously the entire time I spent with this book I just kept asking "was this written for me specifically?" because that's exactly how it felt.

It is a gorgeous book that explores that bizarre feeling of not knowing the word for what you are, not even knowing that you are something out of the ordinary because we don't define ourselves by what we lack and we just expect that one day, it'll happen and we'll be like everyone else. That struggle of trying to differentiate between loving someone and being in love with them, and trying to make the former into the latter and hurting everything in the process.

It is so good. 10/10, no complaints

also there's an asshole in the university's queer pride group who doesn't think aces belong and everyone hates him so that's fantastic, aphobes fuck off

in conclusion I highly recommend it

[askthehcc]

To the Hcc I was wondering who all is a part of the LGBT+ community?

Cleo: I’m pan and non-binary, pretty sure Bdubs is aromantic, but he wouldn’t know the word for it.

Impulse: I’m also aro and I’m pretty sure Mumbo is ace.

Cleo: False is Bi, but isn’t really into relationships, at least for now.

Impulse: Again, I’m not certain, but I think Tango might be grey-romantic.

Cleo: That’s a point, I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him show interest in anyone…

Impulse: Me neither, which is why I think he might be Grey.

Cleo: but not totally Aro?

Impulse: … no comment?

Impulse: I’m pretty sure he’s also *somewhere* on the ace spectrum.

Cleo: Don’t just brush over that, Impulse!

Impulse: Let’s see who else… Oh, Zed wouldn’t care what pronouns you use, but he’s not really ever labelled himself, so I guess I’d just go with vaguely gender queer for him… Maybe even agender?

Cleo: What do you know about Tango, Impulse?

Impulse: Anyway, I really should be getting back on shift.

Cleo: Oh my god, does Tango have a crush?

Cleo: Impulse, come back and talk to me!

---

Scar: You know, I’ve never really thought about it? I suppose I’d consider myself Pan?

Tango: Hesitation?

Scar: [shrugs]

Scar: I’ve never really been that interested in anyone.

Tango: Apart from that girl in college. Remember in second year?

Scar: [sighs] Yeah… Bonita.

Tango: She didn’t speak English, dude.

Scar: But you did a great job at translating from Blaze!

Tango: And then you asked me to go on a date with you and she slapped you!

Scar: It was your fault for mistranslating! I meant for you to come with us on a date and translating!

Tango: Scar, my man, you asked her for a three–

Scar: I meant as a date with you translating!

—-

Zedaph: You knew exactly what he meant, didn’t you?

Tango: Yeah, of course. I’m fluent in Blaze and Scar. I just didn’t want to spend my entire second year translating for them.

Zedaph: Have I mentioned how much I love you?

Tango: Uh, yeah dude. We had that whole confusion in second year, remem–

Zedaph: I meant platonically!

---

Joel: I'm gluten free.

Lizzie: That's not what the G stands for, Joel.

Scott: Yeah, you're not queer because you can't process gluten, Joel.

Joel: Yeah and I'm not proud about it either.

Joel: Bloody hate stupid wheat!

---

Lizzie: [Looks around]

Lizzie: Keep this between us, yeah?

Lizzie: Grian came out to me about ten years ago, after we tried kissing with each other when we were like, fourteen.

Lizzie: He kissed me and pulled such a face afterwards and I was so offended, so obviously I kicked right off about it, of course, and then he said that it's had nothing to do with me.

Lizzie: And that's when he told me that he was actually gay.

Lizzie: He seemed really embarrassed about it and I don't think he's ever openly spoke about it since. I don't even know if he's mentioned it to Jimmy.

Lizzie: But I did have this little bracelet making phase and I didn't want him to make him a rainbow bracelet cause it felt too obvious, so I looked up the flag for gay men and made him a blue and white one instead.

Lizzie: He wore it for a good couple years after, too.

Lizzie: To be honest, Scott might know, cause he's pretty brushed up on these things, so he probably recognised it.

Lizzie: But yeah, he won't talk about it and I'm not sure how proud he is exactly, but... you know what?

Lizzie: I'm proud of him.

[phoelipop]

I finally started reading Loveless and its been so painfully relatable like nothing I've ever experienced before

Back in 2015 was when I first learned about asexuality but I was in denial for a while because I didn't think it was real / just thought it was an internet thing. After learning more about it, I realized how much it aligns with my life and experiences I had growing up... but I didn't wanna believe that was me.

Around 2018 was when I fully accepted that I'm ace, I know that without a doubt. I never liked using labels for myself but once I found about asexuality it felt so freeing, knowing the way I am is perfectly fine and normal and that there are others like me.

And for the past year and a half I guess I've been having that same battle with myself over whether or not I'm aro too. I've never had an actual relationship (that i wanted to be in), nor have I ever really wanted one. Like others, I also forced myself or lied about crushes to fit in, never wanted to pursue a relationship with anyone tho. It's all what friends ever cared about, and yeah it's normal! But growing up not actually wanting those things made me feel very not normal.

But I'm human, I don't want to be alone. We're raised to believe romantic love is the one goal in our society and you're miserable without love. I've never been miserable not having a relationship, the only time i was was when I thought I had to and forced myself into them, just because someone liked me i thought I would start to like them back if i tried. I didn't of course and it was terrible. But I still wanted to be open to the possibility that one day I'll meet someone that will change all that. I don't really think that's possible for me and, I'm just starting to believe that's ok now.

Selfship always felt safe for me since it's fiction, and I did try to find friends and a sense of community through it, but again learned even in this I'm different. It's different for everyone though, but even with selfship sometimes I find it hard to relate to others when it comes to expressing love. I dunno… But I've always been happy with my fictional loves and my friends + family, that has always been enough for me.

This book has also made me want to be a better friend… I admit I've been so distant lately with everything going on in my life rn its been hard to see my worth sometimes and believe that I'm actually loved by my friends but trying to work on it… platonic love is just as important, even more so especially for us aroace-spec peeps

[bl00dy-plan3t]

intro post 😁😁

go here to read my rant part 1 here for part 2 and here for part 3

dm and askbox open for ppl. anons are welcome.

maybe i wont reply mayeb i will. depends on my energy.

pls be friens with i have like no friends.

tagging my non-existent moots

@discoveredreality BRO OMG OMG IM FINALY MAKING AN INTRO POST. sweetest most caring little shit. where the actually fuck would i be without you. like yes i know you dont do anything and somethimes dont even know that you need to do stuff but OMG WHAT LIKE YOU KEEP PUSHING ME TO DO SHIT TO MAKE MOVES AND LIVE MY LIFE PLS PLS DONT EVER LEAVE ME POOKIE <33333333

@lilcri84b1 AHHHHHHH. what would i be doing without you. i dont even know where to start. like litereally the most gorgeous girl out there. HOW DO I EXPLAIN YOUR BEAUTY TO THE REST OF THE WORLD. 10+ years of friendship so were basically already living under the same roof. I AM SO SO SO GRATEFULL TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. btw guys this is my partner, who, i...... uhhhh talk, a.... uhhh little to much about.

@pumpkin-gizzards hello. thank you for being my class mate and in the same house as me too. besties ig. lmao

@short-exeggutor lol hi just ask ari if u want to know who i am but u do know who i am. u point at me and say gay whenever u see me in the hallways so that should be enough info for u. sorry if i say mean things to u but like if u keep reading u will see why.

about me:

im mars. they/them. agender. butch lesbian. grey aro and grey ace. idk whatver u can call me whatver but im probs not gonna respond to that lol. anyways. minor. im russian but live in australia. non religious. artsy (????) love to crochet. also the max volume in my headphones isnt enough i need the song up my baby spawner. does things last minute. pinterest is here. AHHHHHH WTF DM IF U WANT I NEED FRIENDS. also i probs wont answer all the time unless im at school so like dont get mad and shit. i also play the drums.

fave drink:

monster energy pipeline punch pink thing. (and also the gold one)

personality shit:

my mbti is isfp. star sign is taurus. favourite animal is snek . AHH GUYS EVERYONE UPDATE. I KISSED HER. AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways. if u ever ecounter me being mean to you then 86.39% of the time im only playing with you. idrk my love language but i guess i make fun of you and also PHYSICAL TOUCH. not that if i dont do/show those around u i dont like u i just have no idea how to describe my love language. PLS TAG GAMES I LUV TAG GAMES YAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA

time zone:

Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST) 'Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST)

music taste:

MELANIE MARTINEZ ❤❤❤❤❤❤. tv girl. girl in red. 6arelyhuman. odetari. kets4eki. lumi athena. creepp. proz. elita. jazmin bean. marina. the smiths. dandelion hands. mitski. sign crushes motorist. shakira. jack stauber. asteria. dandelion hands. nirvana. acdc. radiohead. guns and roses. the beatles. naik borzov. the cranberries. queen. weezer. the cure.

ok pls dont hate me for this one. I ABSOLUTELY HATE READING BOOKS. I CANT READ. I LITERALLY READ LIKE A SNAIL. so i dont have a book taste. wait nvm ive read valentine by jodi mcalister AND LOVED IT. thats basically it.

i play minecraft and roblox (but mainly evade and dti) (no i dont)

no fandoms bcs i dont read books. But. i watch old disney movies so idk if thats valid. hwlp rip what is this.

KASIUEWOIAJDASKD MY PARTNER ACTUALLY READS THIS WHEN I UPDATE IT THATS SO SWEET WTF <3333333333333333333

congrats u made it to the end. u can now continue with ur day. good bye.

*if i didn't tag u then dm me and i will.*

the pics are from here and here and here and here and here

[magicalblerdpenn]

So this year, I'd been struggling to embrace being alloplatonic. I'm already genderqueer, bi, and grey aro-ace so you'd think it'd be easy.

Except that I didn't know alloplatonic was an identity until I learned about aplatonic people on Valentine's Day this year.

Ironically, it was several years back on Valentine's Day that I realized that I rarely experience romantic or sexual attraction, and experience aesthetic attraction more.

Yet I struggled to embrace being alloplatonic for several reasons:

Being raised by a Dad who made me feel like I couldn't be "just friends" with someone of a different gender than me. Since I was AFAB, any friendships I had with boys were assumed to be related to romance or sex.

Struggling to make friends, even though I wanted them. In high school, almost every potential new friend I made ended up changing schools or schedules.

Being bullied made me scared to make friends b/c what if I try to make friends, but end up bullied again? I also felt like I wasn't good enough for friends b/c of this trauma.

The unexpected death of my Dad made me scared to get close to anyone. I considered my Dad a friend as well as my parent and losing him hurt me deeply.

People being dismissive of internet friendships

This past Sunday, my closest internet friend Jaz, gave me a shout out in their upcoming book. It touched me deeply; I cried for ten minutes. They are a Black trans friend & we've been internet friends for six years, bonding over our identities, our writing dreams, music, and more. We've kept in touch through social media, email, and chat apps and become each other's source of peer support.

Over the years, our friendship grew stronger little by little and I felt a strong platonic love for them. I loved reading their newsletter, chatting with them, seeing updates about their life and career that they were willing to share. I loved having them encourage and reassure me, and doing the same for them. I loved their empathy, when I told them about my trauma or troubles. I loved how their writing helped me learn something new about myself & the world around me. I've shown my appreciation for our friendship through poetry & digital art and they love it.

Yet, I struggled to fully bask in our friendship until very recently b/c the trauma I'd experienced and the heteronormatvity and allonormativity I'd been taught. I didn't think my strong platonic attraction was normal b/c people dismiss platonic love in favor of romantic love. I've seen this on tv, movies, and online fandoms. I also thought I wasn't worthy of friendship b/c I felt I had to be a certain way & be flawless to have friends.

My friend Jaz, repeatedly proved me wrong, but it didn't sink in until I saw these words in the Acknowledgement section of their upcoming book: "To my internet friends, whose bonds are as deep as any other. To Penn; love you!"

With this, all my fears and doubt washed away with my tears of joy.

And now, I can finally say that I love my friend Jaz. I even wrote them a poem to do so and they enjoyed it very much.

TL;DR I am alloplatonic & proud and no one will take that away from me. I love my friend Jaz and they love me platonicallly too.

[forgottenspring]

Mild rant on Alastor bc I'm tired.

*takes deep breath*

I was going to stay out of this so rip to my inbox.

Does anybody remember the whole ace doxing list on here? The whole discussion of not shipping gay characters with the opposite gender? The rep for pan/bi representation and the steps to do it right? Does anybody remember when ppl on here discussed how aros and aces aren't a part of the queer community bc they're not 'gay enough' in a way? Bc I do. That was about a decade ago. And I remember when Alastor was first introduced in the pilot and ppl not accepting he was aroace back then.

It doesn't matter if Alastor is entirely aroace and if he's capable of dating or not.

What matters is we still have so little ace representation and acceptance, especially aroace rep, that a few years ago when a real person Jaiden Animations came out as aroace, ppl tried to destroy her, bc even with a perfect valid explanation of her just saying aroaces are their own thing and she just doesn't want to date, ppl treated it like she was lying or was trying to sneak into the queer community and was straight or all the other horrible things yall might remember "fans" did to her.

Alastor being aroace isn't about being the rep of "Aroaces can feel attraction!!!" bc be real honest.

How many aroace popular characters can ppl list that a regular person on the street is going to know? Bc I've heard all their arguments to invalidate their representation.

Jughead? Oh you mean Cole Sprouse who made out and got it on with Lili Reinhart playing Betty bc he found her sexy? Oh but in the old comics he's a gay character whose in denial. Yelena Boleva? Who? Oh that woman? She's hot she's just traumatized and needs to find the right person. Charlie Weasley? Oh he was only in the books? He was confirmed as aroace through a passive comment most ppl didn't know about from the author that never used the term? Luffy? You mean one of the most shipped characters in One Piece? No he's just an idiot/childish so he doesn't understand girls are pretty. Caduceus Clay? Sorry I didn't watch Critical Role whose that? Are you sure he's aroace? He feels gay to me.

I can list more ppl, but I'm sure most ppl couldn't.

I remember the whole discussion of the pan/bi representation argument of "Yes! We know pan/bi ppl can date the opposite gender. But straight ppl don't know about pan/bi nearly at all or don't accept it," so showing it as gay, who know the term more, until it's shown clearly the character is queer and not "confused straights" they then can have opposite gender attraction. Bc sooooo many pan/bi characters end up "straight" at the end of their show/book. Bc I remember when ppl refused to accept that Deadpool is pan bc of his wife and started freaking out when he dated a nonbinary person in the comics or helped that one genderqueer person he knew.

Representation is about showing to ppl what they're not understanding about the identity in the plainest sense of the words of the identity, then when there's enough rep to show they're not all the same, then you can have the ones that break the rules.

Alastor whether or not he wants to date doesn't matter. What matters is this whole situation blew out of proportion bc ppl refused to accept that some ppl don't feel comfy shipping him. Bc they see themselves in him and don't want that. BUT! Also ppl under the aro and ace umbrella also have no rep and wanted to see him breaking the stereotype they probs have yelled at them of "You can't have a partner you're aroace I forbid it" and wanted to see thru their own experiences how that would be done.

Here's the problem.... As someone who has read a lot of aroace headcanon fanfics as an aroace....... A lot of ppl who are allo don't realize aroace "crushes" are missing emotions... That's why they're aroace. And they'll write them like they're the same just "muted" or "needs to warm up" kinda thing. Or make the character's love "childish" to explain the lack of romance/sex. Which is messed up. And that's the problem here.

Alastor didn't need to be this blown out of proportion of a situation. The problem is ppl found him sexy and the classic "But aroace hot, they can't be aroace bc why hot?" discussion got brought back up without the gentle post format discussions and instead it was a lot of shippers on tiktok with tiny word counts arguing a complex issue.

Ppl should be allowed to ship whatever (except problematic I know yall too well), especially if they see themselves in the characters and especially if they have the same identity and want to explore that!!

The truth of the matter is this is such a huge issue that just keeps happening bc ppl are too used to fandom queer spheres where ppl already know aroace means "off the table" and so they want to play with qprs or grayromantics/sexuals not knowing what that entails bc there's sooooo lil aroace rep that actually explores being aroace and a lot of ppl don't know the basics, and even how very different aroace "off the table" is when you aren't the classic "uwu I'm just innocent and have no friends or importance to the plot so just ignore me and have me be adopted by one of the main couples as a 'kid' figure."

Not to mention that a lot of ppl still think ace means aroace. That aces can't date bc there's ppl who don't know that romantic and sexual attraction are different!

I'm just.... So tired. So very tired of having ppl shout at me what it means to be aroace and being unable to look up the lil aroace rep we have bc of this issue I've seen a million times is all.

[aroace-musings]

Heartstopper Season 3 Reaction

Just watched Heartstopper Season 3, and I would like to talk about it. (Note: This post contains spoilers.)

This season nearly wrecked my emotions. I cried, I laughed, I held my breath. It dealt with some heavy topics, such as mental health, eating disorders, and grief. Also, I related to some of the themes and topics very strongly.

First, let's look at the topic of grief.

Throughout this season and the last, Tao deals with the loss of his father. He fears losing those in his life whom he loves. I can relate. As a teen, I lost my grandma who I connected with on a deep, personal level. Instead of clinging to those I love as Tao does, I did the opposite. I kept people at a distance for fear of getting hurt by letting them into my life. It took several years of working through the grief and processing my emotions to get over the loss. It wasn't a loss as profound as losing a parent (I couldn't imagine.), but it was the first loss I experienced. It's great to see how much progress Tao has made in these two season. I also like that the show didn't rush through the healing process. Getting over grief doesn't take days, it takes years. And twenty-five years later, I still miss my grandma from time to time.

In addition, I related to the Aro and Ace representation in this show. It's not perfect, but it's a start. 🪼

I like the scene on the beach between Charlie and Isaac. When Charlie doesn't know what aromantic is, Isaac tells him to Google it. That's the same thing I tell people when they don't know what AroAce is. Like Issac, nine times out of ten, I don't feel in the mood to give people a "vocabulary lesson". I'll only explain what AroAce is to medical professionals or family members.

I also like the scene at the zoo where Isaac comes out to his friends as AroAce. It resonated with me deeply and was succinctly written. If only I could express myself as clearly as that, nobody would misunderstand me ever again.

I was disappointed that the ferris wheel scene between Charlie and Tori was altered from the graphic novel, but I understand the reason why it was done. I'm glad we got more from Tori this season. And if there's a season 4 (fingers crossed), hopefully we get even more character development. Maybe even resolve some of her mental health issues. Depression?

Speaking of character development, I like the growth of Imogen. She's slowly finding herself and discovering who she really is. Working though all the messiness of societal expectations vs reality. I truly hope she finds her authentic self.

Another character that needs more development is Isaac. Now that he's worked through his sexuality, maybe we'll get more of his personality. I want to know what his family situation is like. If he has any hobbies other than reading. And what his future hopes and dreams are. He's my favorite character, yet I barely know anything about him.

Last character that I need to know more about is Mr. Farouk. I like his kind yet serious personality. I'd like to know more about his past and special interests. I'd like an entire episode dedicated to this stern but tender character.

Next, let's move on to the trans issues raised in this season.

I like that they included nonbinary representation, for I'm nonbinary myself, specifically agender. In addition, I feel that they handled Darcy's coming out as nonbinary extremely well. Plus, there's Felix. This trans identity is sorely lacking in media, and we definitely need more representation.

Speaking of trans representation, I like that we got to explore Elle's gender dysphoria and the discrimination that she faces. That scene at the radio station was executed so acutely and poignantly. When the interviewer started in with the trans questions, my heart nearly sank into the pit of my stomach. How could anyone think those appropriate questions to ask? Especially given the fact that Elle is a teenager, and this is her fist interview. My heart goes out to her, and while watching that scene, I wanted nothing more than to give her a big hug.

Now, let's move our focus onto the mental health issues covered in this season.

It's good that we got some accurate representation of anorexia and OCD.

Most shows only depict anorexia nervosa affecting teenage girls and young women. It's good getting the message out there that boys can suffer from this disorder as well. It also addresses the fact that not all eating disorders stem from body dysmorphia. Some develop as a result of mental illness or neurodevelopmental conditions, such as schizophrenia, OCD, autism, or sensory processing disorder.

Most shows depict those with OCD counting the number of times they turn on or off a light switch or cleaning obsessively. Some with OCD may do these behaviors, but they're not a prerequisite. People with OCD have varied experiences and presentations. The commonality between all of them being obsessions and compulsions in the form of obtrusive thoughts or harmful behavior, such as self-harm or suicidal ideation. Even though I feel this show does a good job with OCD representation, it could still be expanded upon. They could really get into the obsessions and compulsions, and showcase the ramifications these have on Charlie's life. There's a particularly poignant scene in the novella This Winter. I understand it could not be included due to time constraints, but I hope something like this is included in the future.

I'd also like to see some discussions around neurodivergent conditions, such as autism, ADHD, or AuDHD. I know that Bradley Riches who plays James McEwan has autism. Perhaps, James could have it as well? It could help dispel some of the stereotypes surrounding these conditions. For autism, most people think Sherlock Holmes or Sheldon Cooper. For ADHD, most people think Bart Simpson. And in a show or movie, never did I see someone who has both like me.

Lastly, my final thoughts.

If only I had this show when I was a teenager in the early noughties, I would’ve had the words to describe my experiences much sooner. It wasn't until uni when I had access to the internet that I discovered the words AroAce and agender.

Lastly, as an autistic, I'd hate the only form of communication being a landline phone. I have a hard time understanding someone if I can't see their facial features or body expressions. Also, the person who I'm talking to always sounds like they're either chewing food or speaking in a foreign accent. That's why I prefer to text or dm my friends and family. I guess if I was in that clinic seeking treatment, I'd just have to write them letters or postcards.

Well, that's all I have for today. Until next time, take care and stay curious.

[our-aroace-experience]

ok so here's my ace/arospec story

ace:

i learned about being ace

oh i don't know

12 years old maybe

i searched it up after reading about it online

"aroace definition"

it went something like

"being both aromantic and asexual"

i searched up

"aromantic"

"asexual"

at first i thought it was a bit strange

i hadn't learned yet

to distinguish

between romantic attraction and sexual attraction

because i didn't know

people actually wanted sex

people actually saw someone and went

"wow"

"i want to fuck them"

i had a crush on a childhood friend of mine

at the time

(a guy. i am a girl.)

i'd always assumed i was cishet

grew up in a conservative christian household

slightly offtopic but honestly my parents were great

not stereotypical conservative christians

both allies

they had friends who were trans and gay

i'd checked out queer media from the library

and they were fine with it

anyway

back to the story

so since i had a crush on the opposite gender

i assumed ofc

i was cishet

well ofc i wasn't into sex, i was just a kid

but at age 13

almost 14

i was alone

in a hotel room, no parents, on instagram

that's the only time i could get that

late night phone time

when i didn't have parents around

i found @i.put.the.ace.in.disgrace on instagram

scrolled through every fucking post

on their account

and on the #asexual tag

i related to those posts

like

a lot

a suspicious amount for someone supposedly allo

even though i was just a kid

yeah maybe i'd grow into it

maybe i'd feel attraction one day

but not now

and who the hell was going to tell me

what i could or couldn't identify as

so i tried out the ace label

spent hours and hours

wondering if it was right

if i was really ace

if i wasn't too young

but going back to being allo felt wrong

so i decided to keep the label

the first person i came out to

was an online friend

they were so amazing and supportive of it

i love them so much for that

they said i'd been on their gaydar for a while

(a message i still think about

when wondering if i'm really ace)

felt sick the next day

i'd always been an ally

supported my queer friends

arospec aspec trans homosexual i supported them all

but it made me sick

to think about me

myself

being queer

it was sort of rough

but i got through it

later

came out to my friend and her mom

they were cool about it

i knew i'd be safe

they weren't ecstatic or super happy

but they accepted me

"cool"

that's what they said i remember it

i was a hot mess that day too

stuttered over all my words when trying to come out

and they still accepted me

i love them

later

i decided to hint at my identity to my mom

talked about not liking sex

i checked out a few ace books

from the library

my mom took me aside

i don't remember her exact words

it went something like

"it's natural to be curious

but you can't be ace at 14

you're not trying to be

are you?"

ofc

i managed to convince her i was allo

had to be more careful then

arospec:

i'd only had one crush.

one crush who i'd liked as a friend first.

you see where this is going, don't you?

well

i didn't

i'd heard that aces had not very many crushes

so i assumed i was just Really Really Asexual

and i couldn't be aro hahahaha

i'd been in love before!

aros cannot be in love!

oh by golly i was wrong

i started questioning

(only one crush?

my friends are all over their crushes

plural

and i've only had one??

maybe i'm not as allo as i thought)

i debated over gray-aro and demi-aro

picked demi

it described my experience more accurately

came out to aforementioned friend

then aforementioned online friend

they were chill about it

(fucking love them)

then i 3d printed a black ring

and a white ring

ace

and aro

and this is maybe the best part of the whole experience

i had friends who were stereotypical conservative christian

queerphobic

they complimented my aro and ace rings

and so did my mom

and that made me really happy for some reason

shit that was a long ask im sorry

thank you for sharing! i hope your mum comes around to you being aroace one day

also side note: this reads like a poem it’s so well written!

[dross-the-fish]

Started hanging out with some new friends in a Discord server on days when work from home is slow but I'm not able to leave my desk to draw or write, and I'm honestly surprised by how good of a time I've been having, how at ease I feel. This is the first friend group I've had where most of, if not all of, the people in it are queer in ways that are similar to myself, and not just cisgendered gay or bisexual people, but people who are also non-binary/genderfluid and on the aro/ace spectrum. After a lifetime of being friends with people who were mostly straight or gay and almost all of them cis except for maybe the odd binary-transperson all of whom are allosexual. It also made me realize that I've been walling myself off from most of my old high school friends for the duration of our relationship and haven't even noticed it. I always tend to sit and let little comments slide because I don't want to get into a debate or call too much attention to aspects of myself I'm still figuring out. Dealing with behaviors that were vaguely phobic and excusing them as my friends just "not knowing better," because they seemed well intended otherwise and nothing said was overt. Feeling like before I presented ace characters to them that I needed to have some justification and explanation at the ready and brace myself for people to try and tell me that "well this character can still have sex right?" or "What's the point of making x aromantic?" because they were allosexual and alloromantic and couldn't enjoy characters that weren't "available" in that way. Debates about whether asexuality should even be part of the LGBTQ spectrum weren't common, but they happened. Being made to feel like not being attracted to my partner was unfair to my partner because "everyone deserves to feel attractive to the people who love them." "A stands for Allies" is a thing that came out of one friend's mouth. "Non-binary is trans-lite," is another. "I could never love someone I wasn't attracted to, it must suck so bad to have that part of you missing." When I eventually came out as gender fluid, they seemed accepting but never bothered to use masc pronouns because I still accept fem ones. So they just felt free to ignore my gender all together and one of them even slipped and tried to correct someone who called me "sir" because it was that easy for her to forget, even with me standing right there in a chest binder and men's clothing.

There was always been an element of being ready to defend myself, of weighing my words before I spoke them and agonizing over whether I'd have to hear empty platitudes, excuses of people just "not being used to it" and an obvious, palpable discomfort that no one was willing to unlearn, that would be left for me to bear and to feel like I was at fault for creating by simply existing. And I never noticed it because it was so prevalent and it was still preferable to the blatant hostility most of the conservative population around here has for the LGBTQ community. I can talk to these people about every other thing under the sun, call them when I'm in trouble and they'll help me and turn to them for advice and support in every other area...but the little things still matter. Even when I told myself they didn't. Being around people and feeling like I can be unguarded is such a bizarre feeling that I'm almost afraid of it. Hearing one person talk about how an aromatic character I write isn't broken and wanting strongly for that character to be told that by somebody made me want to cry. Being asked if I would prefer couple art to be sfw vs nsfw because the asexuality of one character was taken into consideration actually felt like a big deal because NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. I didn't know these things mattered so much until they happened and now I feel I'm at a crossroads and debating if I should make the effort to advocate more for myself among some of my old friends. Acceptance matters, community matters. I always knew this intellectually but it's a whole different level now that I've experienced it. I've learned that it matters to me.