#actuallyasexual

[lauralot89]

Loveless

I'm late on this because the book was published in 2020, but I only heard about it in the last month when I was reading an article about asexuality in fiction but in case anyone is out of the loop like me let me tell you about this glory

Loveless is a YA novel by Alice Oseman, author of Heartstopper and Solitaire. It tells the story of Georgia Warr, freshman at Durham University, and her realization that while she's in love with the idea of romance, the actuality of a romantic/sexual relationship repulses her.

Alice Oseman herself is aroace, which makes perfect sense because throughout the novel I kept asking myself, "How does she know? How does she know?! How did she get these thoughts out of my head?"

for my fellow ace and/or aro people, let me quote some of the lines that just got me straight in the soul:

"I had a theory that a lot of people's "celebrity crushes" were just faked to fit in."

"I was disgusted by the thought of him near me. Wanting things from me. That wasn't normal, was it?"

"Oh, God, this thing is actually real, it's not just in fanfics and movies. And I'm supposed to be doing it too."

"Did I even know what romantic feelings felt like?"

"He was clearly the sort of person who I should like romantically. Who I could like romantically. He looked like a boyfriend. I loved his personality. I'd loved his personality for years. So I could fall in love with him. With a little bit of effort. Definitely."

"I thought I'd understood what all these romantic things would feel like--butterflies and the spark and just knowing when you liked someone. I'd read about these feelings hundreds of times in books and fanfic. I'd watched way more romcoms than was probably normal for an eighteen-year-old. But now I was starting to wonder whether these things were just made up."

"Straight people don't think shit like that."

"Just because I'd never liked anyone didn't mean I never would. Did it?"

"I thought all the movies were exaggerating, but you're all really out there just craving genitals and embarrassment. This has to be some kind of huge joke."

"How could I feel so sad about giving up these things that I did not actually want?"

"I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live."

"How was it fair that everyone got to feel that except me?"

"I never had any crushes when I was a child. Not any real ones, anyway. Sometimes I confused friendships for them, or just thinking a guy was really cool."

"For a long time, I was just dating and having sex because that's what people did. And I wanted to feel like those people."

"You've been so confused about stuff. You really thought we could be together, because you do love me. Not in a romantic way, but just as strongly."

"Oh. This is an asexual thing. I forgot other people are obsessed with having sex."

seriously the entire time I spent with this book I just kept asking "was this written for me specifically?" because that's exactly how it felt.

It is a gorgeous book that explores that bizarre feeling of not knowing the word for what you are, not even knowing that you are something out of the ordinary because we don't define ourselves by what we lack and we just expect that one day, it'll happen and we'll be like everyone else. That struggle of trying to differentiate between loving someone and being in love with them, and trying to make the former into the latter and hurting everything in the process.

It is so good. 10/10, no complaints

also there's an asshole in the university's queer pride group who doesn't think aces belong and everyone hates him so that's fantastic, aphobes fuck off

in conclusion I highly recommend it

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

sorry (not sorry) but as an asexual person, i will never accept the whole "aces can have/enjoy sex" thing. if you enjoy sex, you are allosexual. idk why this is such a controversial take when it's literally just true. ppl who lack sexual attraction do not go looking for sex bc they don't have that drive to, it isn't something they want which means they don't enjoy it. anyone who claims they're ace but enjoys/seeks out sex is literally just allo and in denial for some reason. "ohhh, but what about aces who have sex just to please their partners?" that is extremely bad and i genuinely cannot fucking believe this is something ppl encourage; you are encouraging rape culture. why the fuck would someone want to have "sex" with someone who doesn't enjoy it and is only doing it to please them? major red flags there, run from that relationship asap. it is terrifying to me that we're at a point where we can't have a label that clearly states no sex without ppl trying to make up a million different reasons as to why actually, we can/should have sex. it's disgusting and i wish ppl would stop bastardizing the asexual label and trying to make ace ppl feel like they have to have sex. i've spent years in denial about my asexuality bc i felt broken for not wanting sex, i do not need this shit from my own community and neither do other ppl like me

[canon-asexual-poll]

Here is our bracket! Polls will be live tomorrow, Nov 14 at 10AM and will last for one week. Propaganda will be reblogged on this blog, but please put it on the poll posts or the character interest posts. Don’t submit propaganda through asks.

All round 1 matches will be linked below the cut after they go live

Caduceus Clay (Critical Roll) vs Diane (Lumberjanes)

SpongeBob SquarePants (SpongeBob SquarePants) vs Jughead Jones (Archie 2015)

Ca$h Piggott (Heartbreak High) vs Isaac Rydle (Val & Isaac)

Gwenpool (Marvel) vs Mousefur (Warrior Cats)

Todd Chavez (Bojack Horseman) vs The Professor (Gilligan’s Island)

Kale Romero (Monster Prom) vs Sakuko (Koisenu Futari)

Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives) vs Lore Woodwind (Val & Isaac)

Dr. Grissom (ARS Paradoxica) vs Coach (Monster Prom)

Lilith Clawthorne (The Owl House) vs Argent Adept (Sentinels of the Multiverse)

Maya (Borderlands) vs Luffy (One Piece)

Green Arrow (DC) vs Count Orlo (The Great)

Peridot (Steven Universe) vs Jody Marsh (Zombies, Run!)

Perry the Platypus (Phineas & Ferb) vs Alex (AJ & Magnus)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls) vs Fitzroy Maplecourt (The Adventure Zone)

Isaac Henderson (Heartstopper) vs Nellie (Rain)

Mordecai Heller (Lackadaisy) vs Takahashi (Koisenu Futari)

[autistic-angel]

Saying that people aren’t asexual because they aren’t amoebas is like saying “that’s not a bat. It has wings and doesn’t hit a baseball”

[feekins]

no no, you don't understand. I'm so asexual, the last time my atoms had any interest in getting any was the Big Bang.

[hungarianmudkip69]

thinking abt the time i explained the meaning of the colors of the ace flag to my dad and when i got to "white is for non-ace allies" he excitedly and loudly declared "I'M WHITE"

[marichai]

realizing that T and my SSRI probably even each other out libido-wise and going insane in asexual ... like yall live like this every day??!

[rabbitindisguise]

asexuality is experiencing little to no sexual attraction and encompasses everyone but allosexuals, including demisexuals and grey aces

[vergess]

FWD (no, I am only now asking this, maybe): "Vergess are you ace!"

I don't know!!!!!

I don't personally think of myself in such terms because they aren't of political value to me.

In an absolute sense, yes, I am "asexual." I experience NO sexual attraction to any person.

But in practical terms, I have no connection to asexual culture. Even in the Before Times of 2012 when being ace hadn't yet been shat on by TERFs, the term just does little for me.

I love sex. I seek it out constantly. It's one of my favourite hobbies. I have had more sexual partners than I can count. I will continue having more. Being a slut is my third highest calling in life.

If there are asexual sluts out there making a name for themselves, I've never met them and I'm not associated with them.

Hell, there's even that fucking quote circulating about the Barbie Movie about how she's asexual and "therefore" she can never be sexy only have sex projected onto her, and.

Like.

Okay, I get it, "asexuality" is not a term I'm allowed to use, okay, damn, calm the fuck down.

When I attend asexuality focused events and exchanges, there's nothing there for me, or for people like me. There's such an intense focus on desexualizing things that are hypersexual that there's no room left for someone like me. A freak who feels no attraction and just Loves To Fuck.

There's so much focus on recovering from the damage done by TERFs, and the damage done by SWERFs goes ignored.

I don't feel welcome, regardless of anything else. There's just not space for people like me there.

I don't consider myself "ace" because I don't consider myself a part of that community. I have little to contribute to it, and seemingly it has little to offer to me.

An ally, certainly. Asexual, yes, I suppose. But ace?

No, no, probably not I'm afraid.

Just one of many reasons that I consider myself aromantic above all else.

[ix-c-999]

I think it's so based of me that I'm a (partially) alloromantic asexual who prefers QPRs to romantic relationships

like due to the dilution of the term QPP and amatonormativity, I think most people who had both romantic and queerplatonic relationships would be expected to prefer a romantic relationship

but no, I'm someone who can experience romantic feelings in a romantic relationship and I would honestly prefer that my relationship with a partner were platonic

It's true that this is informed by a degree romance repulsion I have, so I do have factors that another grayromantic may not have but. yeah, no amatonormativity for me

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

i'm really happy that i'm not in denial about being asexual anymore. i'm really happy that i'm no longer tricking myself into thinking that i experience sexual attraction/want to have sex. i'm really happy that i've accepted that i don't want to have sex and that i don't have to have sex. i'm really happy to be asexual 🖤🩶🤍💜

[canon-asexual-poll]

Welcome to the Canon Asexual Poll, the tournament to honor what little representation we have!

I'll start in a week or when I get at least 16 prominent 32 asexual characters, whichever comes second.

Edit: I still need at least 16 prominent characters but I upped it to 32 so the little guys can at least compete.

See under the cut for more details and a submission link.

The most well-known characters will be competing to avoid crushing ones from less-prominent media. Feel free to submit less popular characters anyways since I'm considering making a separate bracket for them afterwards.

Here's a list of preliminary candidates along with other submissions and banned characters. I say preliminary because popular characters who's asexuality is prominently shown will be prioritized.

Please consider reblogging this post so this tournament gets enough traction for anyone interested to vote.

Rules

No headcanoned characters. It's nice that fans see themselves in them but let's not give their creators credit for what they didn't intend.

Submit proof of them being asexual as detailed on the form. If I already posted how they were confirmed you can just send the name.

Don't submit any banned characters. I refuse to honor their creators for blundering them.

[ariel-s-awesome]

Alright who wants to send me asexual characters to make a bracket that only includes canonically confirmed asexual characters?

[feekins]

oops, I made ur fav aroace :( they're completely sex-repulsed now :( and they have no interest in being in a romantic relationship :( they're living their best life with their found family :( who values their unique ways of loving others :( and now they're kissing their found family on the head bc they Care them so much :( also their found family is asexual :( sorry not sorry