#happy pride I guess oof

[vergess]

FWD (no, I am only now asking this, maybe): "Vergess are you ace!"

I don't know!!!!!

I don't personally think of myself in such terms because they aren't of political value to me.

In an absolute sense, yes, I am "asexual." I experience NO sexual attraction to any person.

But in practical terms, I have no connection to asexual culture. Even in the Before Times of 2012 when being ace hadn't yet been shat on by TERFs, the term just does little for me.

I love sex. I seek it out constantly. It's one of my favourite hobbies. I have had more sexual partners than I can count. I will continue having more. Being a slut is my third highest calling in life.

If there are asexual sluts out there making a name for themselves, I've never met them and I'm not associated with them.

Hell, there's even that fucking quote circulating about the Barbie Movie about how she's asexual and "therefore" she can never be sexy only have sex projected onto her, and.

Like.

Okay, I get it, "asexuality" is not a term I'm allowed to use, okay, damn, calm the fuck down.

When I attend asexuality focused events and exchanges, there's nothing there for me, or for people like me. There's such an intense focus on desexualizing things that are hypersexual that there's no room left for someone like me. A freak who feels no attraction and just Loves To Fuck.

There's so much focus on recovering from the damage done by TERFs, and the damage done by SWERFs goes ignored.

I don't feel welcome, regardless of anything else. There's just not space for people like me there.

I don't consider myself "ace" because I don't consider myself a part of that community. I have little to contribute to it, and seemingly it has little to offer to me.

An ally, certainly. Asexual, yes, I suppose. But ace?

No, no, probably not I'm afraid.

Just one of many reasons that I consider myself aromantic above all else.

[lightlycareless]

omgggg, that Toji x reader (*plus* Naoya) was incredibleee, ignore me if you want, I know you made Toji chosing to keep distance from reader and Megumi permanently BUT what if one day he ends up finally seeing Megumi, either personally or by pictures/videos 🥺 We know Megumi it's the spitted image of him, I mean, Gojo's face when he saw him for the first time said it all 😅 And also knowing his baby has the Ten Shadows technique (I cant stop thinking about how proud he was in the canon manga/anime 🥺 he always KNEW from the start Megumi was blessed/gifted, since his first breath, the fact Toji named him is not random) making the entire Zenin clan eat their shit

Heya anon!!

I'm so glad you liked it heheheheheheh a oneshot that I didn't intend to write but it just happened!! aren't we glad it did? lol

I didn't mean to ignore you, I was only focusing on other things first 😅 oof, I still have lots of request to go through, which I plan to do it slowly but surely...

Anyways, I might've not gone down that route, however... why not something angsty? I mean 😏I've had this in my mind so... yeah 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Warnings: mentions of infidelity. Pregnancy. Naoya is, unfortunately, a prick. this is the oneshot anon is talking about. 100% read that first hehe. this is an AU from that, so the second part doesn't count??? I guess. excuse the proofreading. also I haven't written toji that much so please excuse my oocness as well ahahahahha :')

Happy reading!

As much as the three hoped to ignore the bases of your pregnancy, behave as it didn’t rise from an adulterous act, a direct transgression to the principles of the Zen’in, and keep it a secret, it wouldn’t take long before the guilt in each other’s mind began to weight heavy on their mind, ultimately betraying them and revealing the truth to the light, excusing the angered elders to finally get rid of two birds with one stone.

“Where—Where does this accusation even come from?!” You gasp, blood turning cold at the implication—at the notion of the truth. “Do you know the gravity of such words?!”

“Better than you of the act, it seems.” Another accuses. “We were quite aware of the rumors surrounding your ill-fitting behavior, but we never believed it would actually extend to this point!”

“I—I won’t tolerate neither of you disrespecting me!” you cry. “Nor will Naoya for that matter!”

But calling for his aid would no longer prove sufficient, for Naoya, too deep in his own insecurities by that point, had come to the disheartening conclusion that this situation had gotten way out of hand for a simple diversion.

A supposed act of mercy.

He shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place, should’ve respected what you and your marriage represented, what meant to him, and discard his pity for Toji—the man has been alone most of his life, what difference would that make that now?

But he didn’t, he allowed you to go to Toji—no, he handed you over to him, thinking he was doing something right for his cousin, or perhaps something deep inside him was allured by the sick idea of you being with another man and now, he was suffering the consequences.

Consequences he did not like, not one bit—because it got too real for him: you were now pregnant, with Toji’s child, and not his.

And this only highlighted what he considered the pitfalls of this relationship, a strike against his ego and the supposed inability to beget children, a rumor that grew bigger and bigger by each passing day, spreading like wildfire to the point where even outsiders became aware of it.

Which, for a prideful man like Naoya, was only a nightmare.

He loved you, he really did—Naoya never envisioned spending the rest of his life with anyone else…

But he loved his pride more, and when his clan began to actively confront him about it, he couldn’t take it anymore.

And thus….

“…Naoya?”

“This marriage was broken before it even started.” Your husband would say, unexpected words that pierced straight to your heart. “My family advised me well in avoiding you, but I falsely believed I could achieve differently.”

“What—what are you even saying?” you breathe. “What do you mean by—by differently?”

And… where does everything you lived with him stand?

The time you spent with him, the sweet nothings he’d whisper into your ear, to love you both swore to one another, reminding each other that there was no one else that compares…

And that you were the only woman who has ever made him feel this way—loved— and would do everything in the world to make happy…

Was it… all … a lie?

All for… nothing?

Or were you the only one that actually believed the other’s words?

“I cannot look past these transgressions.” Naoya continues. “You’ve left me no choice.”

“But you—you made me do this!” you gasp. “I never—I never wanted to be with anyone else! All this time, my heart only belonged to you!  How could you—how could you abandon me after all we’ve gone through together?!”

Naoya doesn’t say anything else anymore, instead, he simply turns around, exiting the room to leave you in the hands of the vengeful elders who did not hesitate to do what they had long desired—banish you from the estate.

Swiftly yet cruelly, you wouldn’t be able to take anything with you, not even a change of clothes or even money (you didn’t even ask for much, just enough to survive the week) as you were forced to face a new life of your own—alone, pregnant.

Going back to your family was also out of the question; the shame that you’d bring upon their name was one the Zen’in didn’t not waste time to remind them of—at the end, there was only so much your father and siblings could do against the invasive ways of the elders, and perhaps, a part of them deep inside, were also disappointed that you’ve succumbed to such foul thing.

And so, you were tossed onto the street, with nothing more than the clothes you were wearing, whatever you had for savings throughout the years, managed to take it out before either clan could close your account—but most importantly, with a broken heart you believe will never heal, not after the grave wound your husband’s indifference inflicted on it.

The pain you couldn’t even mourn properly due to all the things you had to worry about now.

The first thing you did was search for a place to stay, though getting one was proving to be an almost impossible task.

Thankfully, you were allowed to keep one other thing, maybe it eluded their minds when all this was happening, but you’re not going to question why when it was going to help you pay for a roof.

Naoya’s ring, your wedding ring, was something many would consider expensive, the kind of flashiness expected from a prestigious family like the Zen’in.

You remember a time when any kind of ring would’ve been enough for you to marry him. You didn’t need anything extraordinary to commit your life and heart to him.

That’s nothing but a far cry from what you felt now.

It still hurt to pawn it, but it was the only way you could accommodate yourself and the unborn child inside you, in the only area you could afford with what you got, for even then many suspected that your ring… well, had dubious origins.

When was the last time you even had to worry about the costs of living? Food, clothes, water…?

Many years—it had to; ever since you got together with Naoya, he’s been the one that took care of you.

You just had to say the word and he’d disappear all of your worries—even from the simplest of wants, Naoya indulgingly obliged.

It was a happy life you eventually considered for your child—imagining how happy they’d grow to be without a single worry, solely focusing on what they’ll have to play that day, or how to escape their over doting parents.

A long-gone dream, tossed to the side as a nightmare quickly took its place.

…

Did Naoya ever mean the words I love you?

Or was he doing all this just to keep you there, complying, just in case someone better came along, just like his clan wished would happen?

There mere thought of his devotion being nothing but an act tightens your heart with sorrow once more, gifting you the tragic notion that perhaps, all this time, you never knew your husband…

Maybe ex-husband, by this point.

All that was left from those moments, the slightest semblance of that marriage was this baby, created from what you thought your unconditional devotion to him, turning out to be your very own downfall.

The only one that would know of these struggles would be your baby, the one to accompany you through the darkest point of your life, hopefully to a brigther dawn.

And yet… you’ve never felt so alone.

Time surprisingly, went quicker than you anticipated, though not as easy as you would’ve wanted.

Life in your new home was still very difficult to get used to, even when it’s been months since… that.

But with the job you managed to get (whatever place hired pregnant women—they’re supposed to be at home, some would say, you didn’t care.) and some extra jujutsu work you did on the side, you managed, enough to give you a, not exactly comfortable, but just enough lifestyle.

As long as you sacrificed all the things you once considered granted and turned them into luxuries: such as warm showers, take out, and the sweets you liked to indulge once in a while; your pregnancy has been horrible because of that, and that’s without considering the medical bills you’re struggling to pay as well.

But if that wasn’t enough, your noisy neighbors presented issues of their own as well.

You’re not going to deny that your presence there was like moths to a flame, starting from your somewhat suspicious acquisition—all cash—of the small house you were living in.

From there, your loneliness, alongside your pregnancy; single mothers were unheard of, or rather, highly criticized, thus, all eyes were on you, down to your smallest movement.

Yet, even then, as annoying as they were, you were ok as long as it meant you never get to see those that hurt you ever again.

However, what you want isn’t necessarily what’s going to happen, and that would be reminded of one fateful night with an unsuspecting knock, just after you were getting ready to go to bed.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone came to bother you, but it would be the first time someone did so at this hour, and with such insistence that far from worrying you, it made you angrily storm at the entrance, ready to demand who’d be so inconsiderate enough to visit you so late at night!

And you’d get your answer soon enough, in the most shocking, horrifying, if not sorrowful manner you could’ve possibly anticipated, prompting you to close the door as soon as you saw his face, or attempted to, his reflexes much faster than yours.

“Get—get away from me!” you shrieked, hands trembling as you did your best to hold the door shut against his overwhelming strength— but even your husband has admitted that in terms of power, he excels like no one else.

“Y/N—” he breathes, somewhat amused that you’d been able to hold him off as much as you could, though eventually he was able to break free from your grasp and enter your home, you step away from him soon after.

“What are you even doing here?!” you gasp. “No—that doesn’t matter! I don’t want to see you! I’m not going back!”

“I’m not here to take you back” He quickly responds, eyes falling down to your stomach, making his face soften at the subtle bump evident through your clothes—with this sight, he knows he can’t take you back.

“Then—then why are you here, Toji?”

Perhaps Toji needed to see through his own eyes, what the whispers went on about at the estate regarding your absence.

He wasn’t there when it happened, promised himself to be far away from you as soon as your pregnancy was announced to the estate.

Toji would’ve normally taken this opportunity to act on retribution against his family, rub it on their face that the future of the clan came from him, a low life.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do so when you cheerfully paraded around the halls, happy to finally be forming a family with your beloved husband, even though it wasn’t of his making.

For the first time in his life, he thought himself to be too cruel for having planned such atrocities against the only person that has never been rude with him, always welcoming him with a smile on your face, or at least whatever you permitted when not following Naoya around like a lost puppy.

And the baby… well, he won’t deny that he was glad that his child would have a vastly different life from his—with you as his mother, it couldn’t be any other way.

Or so he believed.

Even when promising to keep away, he still attempted to check in on you, especially now that you were pregnant, whenever he had to go to the estate that is. That day was no be no exception, begrudgingly coming back to see what else he could scam out of his family to ensure his living outside.

Toji’s slyly scanned the hallways for your figure, the briefest indication of such, either through your giggle, staff, or even his cousin’s annoying voice—there were moments where he imagined how delightful it must’ve been to have you by his side, instead of Naoya’s; to be receiver of your laughter instead of that man who clearly didn’t deserve you.

But even if it was with him, he still found comfort in the fact that you were around, there.

Not like now, gone from Naoya’s side.

In fact, you were nowhere to be seen! Not with your staff, not eating by the gardens, or even indulging in one of your husband’s idiocies.

Nothing.

And no one had seen you either.

Or more like didn’t want to say, that much became evident when he stomped his way towards a nearby staff member, demanding your whereabouts, only to be responded with a fret falsely feigning ignorance, or foolish diplomacy.

At the prospect of your disappearance, Toji felt his blood run cold, almost like the estate lost whatever little warmth it had, worsening each time he asked another servant, and he’d get the same answer.

The implications behind your absence were growing heavier in his mind, to the point it sunk his heart to his stomach…

And propelled him to the one person who would undoubtedly know where you were.

“Naoya—Where is Y/N?!” Toji commands the moment he sees the heir, the young man instinctively flinched at the sight of his angered cousin, almost as if he knew what was running through his mind and attempted to make a run for it, only to be stopped by the collar, dead on his tracks. “Do not run away, coward! Answer me!”

“She’s—she’s not here anymore.” Is what Naoya manages to squeak, but Toji doesn’t need to be reminded the obvious.

“Where. Is. She.” He hisses, the worst of his assumptions slowly becoming a reality. “What have you done to her?!”

“What—what needed to be done!” Naoya gasps. “I—I couldn’t allow it!”

Toji doesn’t remember much after Naoya told him that the clan decided she was better off on her own—only that the heir was on the floor, bloodied and whimpering while attempting to cover his face, either trying to control the throbbing of his skin, the blood from spilling anywhere else, or perhaps even shame.

No. It couldn’t be the last. To have done something like what he did required a shameless man to do so.

Nonetheless Toji didn’t bother to find out nor to be reprimanded, quick to assert what needed to be done and heading out the estate; he couldn’t even bother cursing those that had done nothing but the worst after the worst, each time a new low, for his mind solely pertained in finding you.

It took him a while to do so, as expected, but he knew it was only a matter of asking around for a woman that simply didn’t fit to do the job—and such, here he is now.

“I want—needed to see you.” Toji takes a step closer.

“Get—get away from me.”

“No, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“You were fine doing that before—what’s so different from now?” You spat.

“This is different, Y/N. You’re alone—and you need me.”

“I’m not alone—I don’t need you.” You gasp. “Get away from me or I’ll—I’ll call the police!.”

“If you don’t need me, then the baby does.”

It’s like he struck a nerve with his words, because soon after tears would begin to fall down your cheeks, revealing that the sight you attempted to portray, the strength you so fiercely put up against him, was nothing but a façade, a way to hide the fact that indeed, you needed help.

Exhausted from facing all these uncertainties on your own, afraid.

But not anymore, not when Toji was here, more than willing to step in, as seen in the way he swiftly holds you in his arms when he sees you almost faint from distress, attempting to comfort you as you continued to cry.

“Get— get away from me…!” you’d say again, still fighting against his hold. However, he doesn’t fight it, he simply allows you to vent, taking in all the pain and hatred your heart harbored from the moment you were kicked out of the estate. “Don’t touch me!”

“I’m not leaving” Toji insists, he feels you trying to squirm your way out from him, but his strength doesn’t allow it. “You can struggle all you want, but I’m not leaving you on your own—”

“What difference does it make to you? Your family abandoned me to my luck! And even forced my family to do the same!” you breathe, Toji’s eyes widen—he did not know that; his fury for the Zen’in grows, but this is not the time to deal with that. “They don’t care if I die on the street!”

“I know.” He murmurs, holding you tighter against him.

“And I—And I tried my best to—to move on, but I can’t! I can’t do it!” you sob. “I’m so alone, and scared, and—and ashamed! I don’t want to live like this anymore!! I don’t want to die!”

“…I know.”

“Why—why is this happening to me?! All I ever wanted was for—was for Naoya to love me. I never wanted anything else! I never wanted money, I never wanted to hurt anyone either! I just—I just wanted to live a happy life with him, to make him happy!

But then he—he tossed me away, at one thing he didn’t like, he acted like I didn’t even matter! He didn’t even put up a fight to defend me! he just—he just let them hurt me, like what we had was—a lie!

 Did he never—did he even love me?”

Speechless, all Toji could do is continue holding you as you kept on pouring out your feelings, hearing the heart wrenching sound of your sobs that just kept reflecting how wounded you were by Naoya’s betrayal, the transgressions of his family, and the disappointment of yours.

And all because of something you didn’t even suggest in the first place. It was him who made his way into Naoya’s mind, and eventually, it was Naoya who pushed you into it, regardless of what happened later.

He wanted to do it; you know?

He wanted to go back there and murder them for all they’d done against you.

But when he left that place one last time, he promised he would stop thinking about himself, and start doing what is right—what was needed.

If Naoya wasn’t to step up and be a man, then he would.

Toji would gladly throw away his own pride, his own anger and thirst for vengeance, just to see you safe and happy once more.

Things your husband, could simply not—but he… he’d do it in a heartbeat.

“I promise you.” Toji would reassure you once carefully placing you down to the bed after tiring yourself from crying, followed by a gentle kiss on the top of your head.

 “I swear, Y/N— I will not let my family do the same things they’ve done to me to our child. Even if it costs me my life, I will do everything in my power to keep the two of you safe.”

And unlike your husband, he means it.

Yes, a second part is coming :) just gotta put this one out first hehe.

Anyways, it's not exactly what you asked but I think it's going there??? I mean Toji STEPPED UP and was like OK imma take care of my baby mama. also, here Naoya .I. put it where it fits. ugh, can't say we're done with him...

agihajkgksa I'm excited for what's to come, I haven't written this level of angst in a while!! oof!!!

Thank you so much for your patience and for sending this ask :> I'm super happy you've like my oneshot so much!! I hope you'll be able to like this too!!

Take care, and see you soon! ❤️❤️

[glitchy1938]

Part 2-Pilot

Whence they arrive, they start looking for the last piece for the RailGun, while looking at the trash Uzi found it, suddenly, The murder drones Jump's in the air, when Uzi saw it she yelled : "Y/n ! Go hide now !!"

She then put the core inside of her railgun getting ready to shoot ,when she was about, the murder drone land's in front of her. Then she start to fall back causing to drop her railgun on the ground, she then did a back flip

"Whoa--, and they said pirating all the Anime was useless." She said, The murder drone was infront of her now, stabbing his tail into her hand, then dragging her into the air and then trows her at the Engine part. She looked at her hand in a horrible pain, and saw an acid was melting her, She looked at her railgun while the murder drone turn around about to shoot her, but you trow a rock at him

Y/n : "Leave my sister alone !…" That made him look at you, you froze to scared, but it was no trying to hurt you, he turn his head like if he KNOW YOU ?… But Uzi got her RailGun and was ready to shoot him in the face, she made the killer drone look

Uzi : "Bite me !!" She then pulled the trigger of her RailGun, and shoot the murder drone on his head, she then saw in her visor {Recharge 30:00} And then saw him fall on the ground… She was shock… It work… IT ACTUALY WORK !!!

Uzi : "Holy Hell… SUCK ON THAT, DAD !!" She said with a lot of pride, but then she saw y/n start to cry and your sister ran up to you and pick you up and start trying calm you down "Hey hey !.. Shhh~ it's okay.. I'm okay.." She said, trying to calm you down, but you were too sleppy that made Uzi giggle " You can sleep, i'm here.." You nood and then passed out.. She sighs with relief and fatigue.

But then, the murder drone was getting back up, that made Uzi more worried, trying to look for another weapon while you were still in her arm's, she then grab an arm and slap it for making any damage but then, she saw the screen saiyng : "System reboot", then, he opens his eyes and … ??? : "Did you just slap me with that arm ?" He said pointing it, she then step back. Shock that those things can talk.

Uzi : "Holy crap, it can talp." She said, still holding the little y/n in her arm's. He start to rub the back of her head, a little embarrass about what just happend… "Yeah, sorry-- It's just, my, uh, head kinda hurts.. Hey, are you new to our squad ? You're a little, uh…" She looked at her, with suspisious eyes…

"…Short for a disassembly drone…Even for-"He then saw the child "Wait- OH MY ROBOT-GOD !! Is that a child ?!" He yelled very happy, like he never saw a little kid before, but then stopped.

??? : " Sorry ^^', I'm Serial designation N ! Nice to meet you ! I'm kind the leader of the squad in this city… That's not true.. Everyone tells me i'm useless and terrible…W-wait, i-i'm not supposed to tell you that part !! Arg ! Biscuits…!Sighs"

He cover his mouth and talk again, "Well, honestly is the best policy. chuckles I also, can't seem to remember the past tree hours of my life." He used his hand to wave it of "Ah, but i'm sure that'll sort itself out !" He chuckle sat Uzi.

Uzi : "Uh-huh…We, uh, Have to… go." Uzi said, taking you with her and start to leave but she groaning a bit of pain because of the injury on her hand.

N : "Oof, stuck yourself ? Just pop it in your mouth !" He says pointing his mouth

"Our saliva neutralizes the nanites, otherwise, i'd be constantly dissasembling my self ! "

Uzi : "And by 'Our saliva', you mean…" She pauses

"Dissasembly drones ?" Both of them say it…

Uzi : "Right. hey, let's go in that landing pod over there" She says pointing the debrie of the landing pod.

N : "Sure ! I love doing anything !" He give to Uzi a smile

once inside, N pull away Uzi's Hand, "Sweet, Uh..Chuckels I'm open to new things, I guess.." He was a little weird out. "We are never talking about this" Uzi warned him. But Y/n was on his lap, still slepping

N : "Talking about what ?" He laugh, but looked down at y/n, and pat her head, then said "Consider it, uh, repressed.." He made his arms like an X

Uzi : "Uh, you mentioned other member of your squad ?" She asked N looking at the window while y/n was holding on him, he loved how you are so small and cute, but to him, you were very familiar to him…

Uzi : "Are they coming back soon ?" She asked, worried for your safety. I mean, N didn't kill you or anything, and even adore you, but she's afraid for the other… Mayde they are not all friendly as N.

N : "Oh, yeah-- Tree others. They're out hunting for a bit, but you'll love them, first there's V !"

~Flashback~

V tears a drone's entrails out, with a crazy smile. "No, no !! Don't eat my own entrails in front of my family !!" But she didn't care less, kill him and drink/eat his oil… After feeding she stand up

V : "And yet, I still feel nothing." she says, as her eye twitches like a crazy psycho… N chuckles nervously, then want back to talk to her…

N : Sooo,V, Uh.. chuckles nervously I heard that this planet-wide toxic death storm is supposed to be espesially inhospitable tonight…

V picks at her teeth with her claw, "Huh ?-.." Then jumps seeing N.

V : "Oh, God !! Who are you ?!!" But before N could have intruduce himself, she flew away from him, flew in the air, leaving a hug puff of smuck behing he. "Uh, No worries ! I'm N ! B-but a-a whole letter is a lot to remember..!" He chuckels sadly…

~Now~

N : "So obviously a lot of natual respect there, but, uh… She's kind my rival for my crush, BUT YOU DON'T TELL HER OKAY ?!!" He yelled but not too loud for waking you up. Uzi zip her mouth and give a smile and N did it back. " Then, there is Z..- My best friend !!-"

~Flashback~

Z was tearing an other Worker who shoot her and N in the back, and when she finish she clean herself, she turn to N. "Sorry…!! I should have pay more attetion of that !! Are you akay ?!" She came to him cheking if he was okay, and luckily, he was fine.

N blush a little bit because she was VERY close to him "He he..^^' yea i-i'm okay !- Chuckels nervously

Suddely, V came behing them with angry look, she was clearly jealous of how N get all her intention for him, then she came closer to Z and hug her tight and pulle away a little of N. "Z !! Oh my God !! I found you !!" She at that moment change completely infront of her. "Oh- hi V, good to see you too ! How have you-" But then she saw the two of them looking at each other with bad look…

Z : "Guys… ? Hey hey ! Let's just head back home, okay ?…"

The two of them looked at her and they agree with her but still didn't stop just here…

~Now~

N : "So yeah, Z is, the sweet person in our squad ! You gonna love her, but, uh… I kind have a crush on her, BUT YOU DON'T TELL HER OKAY ?!!" he yelled again, but not too much, Uzi zip again her mouth for that she will not. He smile again. "Uh, then, there's J-- Our leader !" He said with a little bit made trying to keep smilling…

~Flashback~

J had N pinned to the ground "N, You're worthless and terrible, and if the company allow it, I woudl straight up kill you myself." J hisse as N try to breath, just at this moment, Z push her out for letting N breath, "J !! Are you crazy ?! Stop bulling him :( !!" J was really piss of by that, but just go away.

N Just thank her for the warning, and promes to be carefull next time…

~Now~

"J's awesome" N said a little sad but y/n woke up.. "No !" Uzi said, "We-Uh… I mean, the worker drones, we could work with them to fix this space ship ! Instead of all murder !" She point N, angry at him. "Which, uhh-- Why are we doing that again ?"

N : "Other than Ingesting their…" He went a deep spooky voice "Warm, sweet.." He went back to friendly mode "… To avoid overheating and dying ? I guess I just want to be useful. I was given a job, and I always wanna try my best"

Uzi : "And look at all the respect it's gotten you, N ! You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead ?!" Uzi yell, furious at him."

N : "Oh my ! You sure are rebelious, it's kind of exciting.. U-uh… But not as fun as, uh, following the rules"

Then, they heard something land on the ship…"Hey ! They're back ! You'll--" but before N could finish, Uzi was out already of the ship.

J : "Hey, idiot ! Get out of here !" Uzi was still running, but she forgot y/n. "Shoot, shoot ! Y/n !!" She run back for her but then, V saw her, and that made her more scared and try to get back home, hating herself for leaving you there….

V : "Yo, we got a worker out there, I kind of wanna practice balloon animal shape with. What happend here ?- Wait- Is that y/n ?!!" V said with full of joy and run of to N taking you from him and hugging you tight. "No way !! We misse you so much y/n !!" Z said happy to see you too. But then saw N not moving. "What's got into him ?"

J : "Synergistic liability here must have tripped and knocked himself offline." She said annoying, then smacks N's head. "Hey yo, moron bot ! Hello ?!" She snaps her fingers on his face.

He start to reset himself and looked back what happend… "You really think the company isn't going to dispose of you once all the workers are dead ?!" It show on the video what he saw, when he realise… Well… "Oh- Ohhhhh !! you know, I-I-I left an extremely dangerous weapo- Uh, an excuse o-outside !" He run of, leaving J, V, Z and y/n there. V show a flag saying (Litteraly so insanely suspicious)

Uzi still running to the bunker and knew N was chassing her… While in the Bunker… The workers still playing cards. -"Haha ! I'm out boys !!" -"Oh, gosh darnt it ." -"Wait until my loving wife and kids hear about this." The game was stop by the door open and Uzi running in, the workers was complaining about this, Uzi aggresively try to close the door.

Uzi : " Ugh, Bite me ! Close it close it !!" Uzi tried to swipe the keycard, but then, N stick his claws between the doors before they close, but then he saw the workers was playing cards. "Hey fellas ! Oohs deal me in ! I love Rummy !" But then remember why he's here "Wait, no. Tsk, I'm going to murder everyone… Rain check !"He used his tail to stab the keycard to open the door, and it opend all of them…

Everyone started to run for there lifes

N used his fire missiles to explode one of them and then tacos the other one and rip them apart and drinking the oil from them… Uzi turned as her gun was ready to shoot, but when she was prepared, N disappeared. Uzi looked around to found him, but then, heard her father walking. "Pretty nice hydraulics ?-" But then saw the carnage, and looked at her daughter, horrified for what happend…

Khan : "What have you done ?!" He asked her "Dad ! I-I can explain-" But before she could, N landed in front of them making them almost fall into the groun, but Uzi stand up and points her gun at him, ready to shoot. "This time, i won't miss". He chuckeld evilly but stop and look at her "I'm sorry. I really enjoyed our time together, but I can't have you shooting V with tha thing."

Uzi : "Bite me !" she yelled at him. "Dad, get down !" She turned to her father. Khan : "Uzi, you led a Murder drone here ?!" He sounded fearfull. "My beautiful doors ! Where is your sister ?!" He cried. That made Uzi hurt, thinking that, you were hurt our killed.

"Now is not the time !! I messed up-- In the same way i'm about to fix it ! Move dad !" She orded her father, but N used his wings to stab her into the wall. He pull away her gun for not using it again, Uzi's gun fall infront of Khan. "D-dad ! P-point and Shoot ! Trust me !!"

His hands were shaking as he saw N get ready to kill her, he could do anything excepet, slowly back away from there. Uzi look at him… Horrified about what he was doing… "Dad ?…" he called out… But he then closed the door, leaving his own daughter die.

Uzi still look at where her dad left. Shocking and angry for what he did, leaving her to die, she tremble from the pain, but didn't resist at agains N, leaving him finish her off… N looked at her, feeling bad for Uzi, as he heard J coming, he trow Uzi into the box before they could find her.

J : "Whoat N ! Am I dreaming, or did you do somthing not useless for once !" as she, V and Z crawls on the ceiling and drop down. V and J had sinister smiles while Z try her best to hide all the blood/oil from Y/n. Y/n was looking for Uzi, luckly, you saw her still alive, and that made you happy "I'v been trying to get past those doors for months now ! Good job, N" After V said that N was suprice that she remember his name.

N : "You… Me… Name…Remember ?" But V didn't care less "These ventilation shafts can easily get us around this last door, "Z you want to come ?" She turn to Z who was still with y/n, But insted of agree with her she just said "No, thanks V but uh… I think I'll just stay with y/n in an other part where there is no death body hehe…" She didn't complain and says " Okay, Lowest body count eats a missile !" she then go trow the vent again, laughing like a psyco while Z take y/n somewhere else.

J come closer to N, enjoy he finally change. "Way to go, stud. The company's gonna love this !" She said, pating his back while he was chuckling. "With this colony wiped, we'll make top team this quarter for sure, you know what that means ?~" She then show his a pen of they company "Branded pe-pens !" N Look at the pen with admiration, she then give it to him, and turn to go where V go. N was looking at the pen… But remember what Uzi said and what happend… He didn't want to stond up to J but…

N : "Uh, you know, not that I can't wait to keep murdering all these, uh… Maybe not-so-actually-different from us Worker Drones, but just outta curiousity, do we actually, uh…" He hisse a little… Afraid about what J would say… "Know what the company plans to do with us aftwards ?" When he said that, Uzi wake up and heard what happend and what he said.. While J was comfuse about that.

J : "Excuse me ?" she turn to N, really piss off that, N would think otherwise of the company… He then explain, "Okay, so, a Worker earlier might have suggested that they could fix our landing pod to, uh, escape the planet and stuff which-- Whoa, hey, that's against the rules !" he remind her for not be too mad at him "But it is kind of making me question why our pod were only-one way in the first place, 'cause y-you know, I get the feeling the company doesn't actually love robots, and like, we might be robots ?.." He look at her again, and knew he start to be stupid again..

N : "I'v made a terrible mistake, it's cool how immediately i could tell" J then came closer to him "Hmm, no way buddy, questioning the company ? You just finally gave me the excuse I needed." She then instale a device in N with a electro that paralize him up, he then fall to his knees" Worker drones are corrupted N, that's why the company sent us." J said turning to N "I hate to see you corrupted as well~" she said, but just acting like she cared for him. N just smile and said with a glicth voice "Thanks J, always looking out for me…" and then he fall on the ground, "You're aswesome…" She just scoffs and jump into the vent where the other worker drones are… When she left Uzi came out of the box as the same time as Z, when Z saw N she was REALLY pissed at J, Uzi looked at his little sister and ran up to her and hugged her, because she was about to cry.

Uzi : "Y/N !! I'M SO SORRY WHEN I LEFT YOU THERE !! I DIDN'T MEAN TO- I'M SORRY !!!" She try to comfort you and try to wine your eyes, "I'm okay now.." She look at Z and thank her to take good care of you, you look at N, your sister take back her Railgun and looking back at N with sorry eyes…"Arg, Biscuits… I'm Sorry.." He start " I ruind your card game, then made you have awkward moment with your dad.."

"And I made you rebel like and angsty teens which got you killed.." Uzi halfed apologize to N. "Well, I just need to remove the chipe and he'll be good" Z said holding a Wrench, Uzi looked at her, and she saw that she's like a worker drone but with arms of a murder drone, "What are you actually ?… No offence but… You look like a-"

Z : "Worker drone ? Yea, most of my body is but, it's just the arms, long story.." She said, Uzi push a box to clim the vent, "Though, you try to kill me, so morality calls this draw." She said to N, then clim on the the box and try to get into the vents, but because she's short, she can't… She groans and turn to N "For the record, that was the lamest heel-face turn in history."

N : "Being rebbellious is a lot harder than it looks, thanks for showing me the ropes." he said, still on the ground "Nuh-hu, no bonding thing, you just killed a bunch of people, idiot." Uzi said. "That's super fair…" He sighs "I'v screwed up.." Uzi groans.

Uzi : "In the same way you're about to fix it ? " She asked as she held up the Wrench her father give it to her, she turn to Z, she then prepared her guns and sort, ready to fight J and V. He laugh a little "I love doing anything…" give a thumbs up while his screen says :

!! Litterally about to die !!

While with the worker drones, Thad was throw by J, Blood/oil came out of, now J was walking to them while V was climing the wall to scare them off. Khan : "So, they found our evacation spot.. But ! If we build a quick door-" thad grab a metal pipe near him and stond up. "Are you kidding me ?! You're the WDF, right ? Defende !.." Thad try to get help to fight the two murder drones, but they back away… "For real ?.." He said, but when he turnd V laught and use her wing to stab him and trow him on the ground, she grab him with her claws and was ready to eat him, but Uzi, N and Z catch up and were arrived just in time. "Hey !!" V turn her intention to them, suprice.

" Put that conventionally attractive male down !" uzi says smirking N wave to them but Uzi punsh him…"N, tell them the piece of our mind !" Z tell him and she REALLY looked pissed. "Oh, uhm, J ? You're sometimes kind of mean to me, and I wish weren't.. Juste some contructive critism…" " Nice~!" Uzi said. V then trow Thad away from her while J scoffed "Noted, traitor. We'll circle back after I'v rightsize your existence." The three looked at each other.

"Okay, witch one do you two want ?" Uzi asked to N and Z, "Let me deal with J, she's REALLY getting on my nerves…!" Z said looking at J, "J please ?.." N said, trying to fight her instead of V. "Too bad. Good Luck ! Z you're with me !" Uzi then flings the braded JCJ pen at J's 'Other eyes' making her in pain and distracted while she take her RailGun with Z who was just following her closelly. Leaving N dealing with V.

V flew straight to N, yet the two of them get into the fight. Uzi get her RailGun ready to shot at J, but while J's trying to get the pen off her 'Other eyes' She get the guns and start to shot everywhere Uzi can be, she olmost got her but she got saved by Z. J finally get the pens off of her "Damn the well-made, quality-assured durability of JC Jensen products ! Hu-?" Z help Uzi to swiftly jump up into the air and kiking the pen deeper into J's other eyes. She get back close to Z with a flip and get her Railgun back but- "WATCH OUT !!" Z yelled and take Uzi away from the laser 'cause V was trying to kill N. Back to N, he was trow at the wall by V, he then try to shoot her, but with his emotion he couldn't, and then he saw Y/n looking at them fighting eatch other, and instead of shooting at rocket, he shoot little pink hearts ?… "AHH ! My mind's in a weird place ! Don't reade into this !!" N yelled only to have a missile launch next to him.

J used her 'Light Ben' to making Uzi some damage, Z knew what she was about to do and "UZI GET BEINGH ME OR-" but before she could catch her, J trow her a missile to her backing her away " Z !!" Uzi yelled, worried but used her 'Light Bem' and Uzi fall over, Y/n saw J get closer to finish her of, you could let hurt your sister ! Y/n ran of to J's back and clim on here to just distract her for a moment "What the hell ?! Get off me !!" She said but they didn't let go even she try to pull them away. While N was trying to fight V up here he saw Uzi, Y/n and Z in danger ! "Uzi ! Z ! Y/n !" He then turn to V "I'm sorry to do this..!" He then lick her sor "EWW WHAT THE HELL ?!" While she was distracted N grab her and trought her on the ground.

J finally get ride of you and trough you away, you passed out by the hit, Z was more furious on J, she then came more closer to Uzi.

To becontinu

[nathaniel-underwood-is-an-intj]

Post Ptolemy's Gate ramble

So I just finished Ptolemy's Gate, thoughts are a bit all over the place and aside from mentioning the obvious I thought I'd dump some thoughts here.

Piper's apathy certainly shocked me. I know she's stressed running the council and she's got loads of organisation to do but oof she sure did come across as cold in her conversation with Kitty. Kitty has that kind of apathetic resignation of grief but it really felt like Piper had already put it behind her despite it only being two days before. Her boss that she worked for died horribly to save them all and she didn't even seem to share a quiet moment of grief with Kitty idk it just felt a little brutal 😅 I had an impression of her being really sweet so I was a bit taken aback.

One thing that really stood out to me was Nathaniel's apathy to the situation, I found it really interesting. I guess something could be said about it being the magician in him.

Nathaniel really has this duality to him, the obvious being Nat vs John Mandrake and of course Nat + Bartimaeus but in chapter 36 part ii something that caught my attention

'it was the feeling of consummate superiority, the delight of power weilded without peril. He danced beneath the night sky, smiting down his enemies.'

It already seems as if he's being elevated to something other- a martyr perhaps, except martyrs have causes and ideals, they do something because they have a strong belief in their justness. And Nathaniel:

'He felt aloof disconnected and alone. If his hatred for demons he had killed was dull and almost matter-of-fact, so was his sympathy for the people whose lives he saved.'

So he seems almost like an avenging angel, I love the religious imagery, especially because it seems to call back to Bartimaeus comparing his body to a holy mosque. But also divine rage is the driving force for an avenging angel and he's no longer even angry at the destruction caused.

'Pride spurred him on.' this almost makes him seem God-like?? His sole motivator is the pride of a deity, and I love that. But it's also just very true to him as a boy, pride spurred him on against Lovelace and against Duval and Whitwell.

When he's alone with Bartimaeus he's taken on this air of not being entirely human. He feels alone and solitary from everything including humaity. But when he rejoins Kitty, Piper and the rest of the magicians waiting for him he's reinvigorated - 'he felt a surge of joyful impatience - 'he would detroy Nouda, rescue the commoners and return to Kitty.' it seems as though he has to be surrounded by people to remind himself he's one of them. It could be seen as an effect of sharing a mind with Bartimaeus, but of course it could be Nathaniel's own human pride and his memories of being othered even as a child. Just gives the impression of this human / higher entity duality.

But also I partly got the impression that this hints to depression- I'm sure it's hardly out of the realm of possibility for Nat to have it. Though it's never stated I think several moments in the books make a good argument for it, including the above- just the numbness to everything. And I guess the sudden change in demeanor at 'surge of joyful impatience' can be read as hopefulness, but it reminded me of the saying that when people have decided to follow through on their s*icidal ideation they come across as happy and like a weight has been lifted from them. Nathaniel is impressively calm for someone who realises he's gravely injured. And while he can be seen as a martyr or hero for his final actions, the hollowness he felt at that moment gives it a more bitter edge.

I think it's made even more sad when compared to Anthony Lockwood, who has that same sense of pride - because he's trying to make his dead parents proud and because he's trying to hide the fact that he doesn't like himself very much. Nathaniel gives this same impression. And Lockwood at the end had reason to be proud, he uncovered a huge conspiracy, his agency became the most famous in London. And Nathaniel had reason to be proud; he's managing to wield the staff of his childhood hero, something he had dreamed of doing, he's had the bravery to unite with a spirit and he's going to take down the biggest threat to London.

But Lockwood gets something Nathaniel doesn't-

There's this subtle idea seen through Lucy's eyes that Lockwood's biggest achievement was fighting through his s*icidal ideation and discovering he has something to live for, even just seeing his friends again.

And Nathaniel just doesn't get that moment.

He sort of acknowledges that he doesn't have to be a powerful leader, that he doesn't need his colleagues approval, that he doesn't need to erase the fear the commoners have of him and other magicians, but without these things he doesn't know what to do with himself. He has no plan for the future, because even before he's injured the idea of a future doesn't seem to have much appeal to him. He already appears to have given up on trying to uncover who Nathaniel is, depite finally having the opportunity to. Like after everything- being beaten, the fear of his colleagues trying to harm him and burying himself in the John Mandrake persona to protect his sensitive side- he doesn't want to uncover the remnants of that boy because he's worried it'll be too difficult to put himself back together.

Or maybe he feels that he already has discovered who Nathaniel is, a deeply unhappy, hollow shell of a person, whose personality has been pulled in so many directions he no longer has a sense of self. He's been stripped back to the barest version of himself and found he doesn't even have the foundations upon which to rebuild himsef. Like discovering dry rot in your walls and you keep pulling and pulling bits of rotting wood away from the home until you've finally got it all, only to realise the house has come down around you- there's nothing left.

He doesn't get this moment where he works through his trauma, where he realises he has a support system, where he realises he's loved. I don't know if Nathaniel ever really knew what it felt like to be loved. I don't think he did. Ptolemy's death was awful and heartbreaking but his short life was filled with affection. And Lockwood realises people do care about him, depite being told that no one does. It hurts so much that Nat felt isolated and alone his whole life, right up to the last minute. Potential love confessions aside, Nathaniel never got a chance to sit and bathe in the warmness of affection. Like Bartimaeus tells him, it's about 'being not doing.' Nathaniel never got to understand the importance of just being, of simply existing as himself or of being happy. He constantly had to be working on the next goal, the next plan, because if he stops working he'll be forced to sit with his thoughts and realise how unhappy he is. And the thought of that is just too much to bear, it's so much easier to give in.

The ending gave the impression of being very romantic, while sad. Nathaniel gets to be remembered as a hero and never has to confront the consequences of his actions with wars in Europe and America that he had a direct role in. Acknowledging his role and dealing with fallout are two very different mountains to climb. And I think that idea of dying like a hero perfectly appeals to Nathaniel's prideful tendencies, and maybe he views it that way to hide the fact it's a convenient way out of his unhappiness and confronting what he's done. It's quite interesting to see that after he's been stripped back to nothing and can't figure out who or what he wants to be if he gets the chance, he still has that vanity and arrogance to him- despite not really being good character traits, they're so authentically Nathaniel, he's been that way right from the start and it's nice little peak of the real him at the end, being so humanly flawed.

[mel-155-a]

I fucking hate being trans and also transitioning was the correct decision and I have no idea how to square those two things.

Hormones took way too long to do way too little, almost twelve years down the line I still get constantly misgendered, my tits are...fine. I guess. Average, which is honestly more than I expected so.....woo.

Vocal training makes me suicidal and a significant majority of the people offering it are actually offering extremely overpriced singing lessons when they aren't even qualified in anyway to do that beyond "being good at singing". I'm still stuck in a shitty cycle of trying it and failing hard every couple of years, because my voice makes me cry when I fail to disassociate properly from it in my day to day life and actually hear it.

It took me ten years to get the first stage of a colovaginalplasty in July, and it's been three months of pain, frustration, anxiety, and fear as my reward for the previous ten years of endless humiliation and stress that was constantly getting fucked with by surgeon's offices and insurance companies. I have never been particularly horny, but even for me, three months of any kind of masturbation or sex being complicated and difficult to get anything out of is a whole fucking lot to deal with.

I am getting the second stage in December, and the wait is hellish and the healing process is going to be worse, another extended painful, frustrating, anxiety and fear inducing healing period that will likely last at least a year, maybe longer. And it may or may not be over at that point, I might need revisions which will require more healing and frustration and pain.

I could try to get some kind of FFS so I could look in the mirror without cringing, but god, MORE surgery? Having to go through another years long process to try and force an insurance company to cover it, only to get the chance to be miserable for a year or more? Yeah, sounds great. Just what I wanted.

Make-up is a no go because of the face stuff, clothes generally don't fit me because I am a freakishly large 6'3" 230 something pound giant, and even when I do find something, a new skirt might feel good for an afternoon if I am really lucky. Getting misgendered in it regularly lasts forever.

And the trans community is just FUCKED. I know I am a traumatized, depressed, downer pretty regularly, and that is after ten years of therapy and trying really hard to get better. There are quite a lot of trans people who have not had the chance to do that ten years of work on themselves and oof. It shows. It's not their fault, but god is it draining to constantly be around.

Add in the fact that I am a trans woman who has the gall to not be bright, happy, and conventionally attractive, that I am not the girldick sex bunny AND I am also not the humble non-passing ogress who is none-the-less so proud and happy to be trans, who has pride flag everything and a dozen Blahajs around and just...ugh. I can feel people just waiting for a reason to make the call-out posts and when I eventually come across them where they think I won't see, I just want to never talk to anyone again.

Nothing about being trans is good for me. It is all an exercise in misery both internal and external that I can never escape. But it was also the right choice, not transitioning was worse. What the fuck do I do with that?

It's made even worse because I feel like I am "betraying the cause" or something, hurting all the other vulnerable trans women around me and the non trans femmes I love and have in my life, by being this just constantly screaming pain parade. That there should be a finish line to all this and I should have reached it by now, and been able to come back and happily report to everyone else that their time wandering in the desert will end as well.

I am just stuck. I don't have the resources or ability to disappear into the background and leave being trans behind except as a historical footnote, and it's all so normalized that any joy or novelty is long, long gone, leaving just the pain. I am not sure the joy and novelty were EVER there for me personally. If they were, the memories are so distant and faded as to be meaningless.

So...what the fuck do I do? There isn't a Transition 2 to get me out of the rut. This is just my life. And it fucking sucks.

I feel really apprehensive about posting this, I feel like people will be weird about it. But I am pretty sure that I can't be the only person who feels like this. Who feels stuck, left behind, and unwelcome because they are miserable with the thing that they are constantly told should have saved them. So, if that sounds like you, you aren't alone. I don't have any answers either, but we can have a little pity party together I guess. Wooooo.

[nottawriter]

Fanfic Writer Questions!

Thanks for the tag, @fazedlight and @thatonebirdwrites

1- How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 16

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

356,960

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Supergirl – Arrowverse/ DC Comics: Primarily Supercorp, secondarily Dansen, Brainia, and J’M’zz, and I have one AgentReign with secondary Supercorp.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

PRIDE and Prejudice – Super gay retelling of Jane Austen’s classic. Every kudos equals $1.00US to a LGBTQIA2S charity I make at the conclusion of Pride month (June) each year (teen)

Tell Me It’s Not Too Late – Post-S4, Lillian believes Supergirl is responsible for Lex’s death. Lena rushes to J’onn’s for game night, to confront Kara on her identity, only to find she’s nowhere to be found (teen)

I Believe in a Thing Called Love – Full alternate Season 6 rewrite (teen)

Wouldn’t It Be Nice – 50 First Dates movie AU (teen)

How Lost We Are – Lena is placed by her Witness Protection team (Maggie, Kelly, and Lucy) in Midvale as a flower shop owner where she meets teacher Kara and coffee/bookshop owner Jess, among others (mature)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, I do usually respond, though not always right away. I enjoy chatting about my fics, so don’t hesitate to ask questions, but I don’t give out spoilers though.  

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

When She’s Gone, the Darkness Comes – Oof. It was so sad I had to write a second chapter. I much prefer happy endings (teen)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them have a happy ending of some kind, or they will once they’re completed. Though there are some with happy endings like Speak Now and Tis the Damn Season. Smut. I’m talking about smut (explicit)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, though I’ve been mostly lucky. I don’t know why people leave hate on any fics really. If you don’t like something, close the tab.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. It started as a small scene here or there when it was a natural progression of the fic, but now I occasionally right full smut fics and pwp like those found here (explicit)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Kind of, but the characters are all from within the Arrowverse/ DC Comics universes somewhere.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I don't understand why someone would do this. Please respect writers.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. I Believe in a Thing Called Love is also in Spanish Creo en una cosa llamada amor (teen)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’m currently working on one with @thatonebirdwrites, though it's not published. It’s a Supercorp fic where Kara is a building inspector and when she goes to inspect Lena’s home, she meets Lena’s daughter to tells her the floor is lava, so naturally Kara has to ensure that issue gets resolved.  

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Supercorp. But I do love most wlw ships

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I intent to finish all of my active WIPs. I have some WIP ideas that may or may not ever get going, but once I start a fic, I intend to finish it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have no idea… I guess easter egg type stuff or like blending canon into storylines. If your a reader and there's something you think is a strength I have, let me know.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually writing. Words be hard. And it's hard to find the time.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it sometimes, probably not well. I like to include the translation in the fic (unless the characters themselves aren’t supposed to understand until later). But I'm sure the translations aren't fully right as I only use google translate and the Kryptonian dictionary.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supercorp. I started writing fiction in Dec 2020. Before that it was all scientific research papers for uni.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I suppose What Has Been Lost (Mature). It was what started this crazy adventure, has been the most challenging piece, and my longest (still ongoing). It truly blends lore and characters from across the Arrowverse and DC Comics into a human world and original storyline.

For Tags, if you'd like to participate: @fyonahmacnally @casualsavant @luthordamnvers @itsalliebitheway @innamorament0

[grumpybunny-edith]

Gwen's Bunny HRT - Month 1 (Part 2)

I learned this trick a little while ago for smiling at the camera: just think about something that makes you laugh. I didn’t have to work very hard to find something - everything Rae had just said had left me smiling maybe too much. I turn on my camera, turn my head to show off my ever-so-slightly longer ear, and make it a point to let my teeth sit on my lip, even as my first impulse was to hide them. 

Opening the chat, I saw the last thing sent — it was a selfie from Delilah, her cheeks and chin covered in long, grayish-black fur. 

thebuildingisonfire: Decided not to shave for the last couple days. Feels good. 🔥

It looks good too. Combined with the changes to her face shape giving her more of a snout, she’s starting to look more like Rae and Ashley than Edith and I. If that’s even a rational comparison to begin with. I do my best to stop comparing myself to my friends (again) and start typing.

wen-kutesuli: Hey everyone! Rae reminded me today was my one month, so... Here���s a quick update! It looks like it got to my teeth first, which... Is what it is, but my ears started getting longer recently too! No fur or anything yet, but. Big things 🥳

Rae is quick to jump on things, responding again almost instantly. 

raeraebun: YAAAAA THAT’S MY GIRLLLLLLLL you look so good!! The first half an inch of so many more :DDD 

grumpybunny-edith: !!! That’s huge! Starting with teeth must be tough :( how’s the pain been 

wen-kutesuli: It’s been... manageable? grumpybunny-edith: oof. Good luck lol  pink-lightning: Edith, don’t. That’s wonderful news, Gwen 🩷

I can’t help but wonder what Edith meant by that. It hadn’t been easy for the last couple weeks — as it turns out, growing your teeth is at best super uncomfortable — but it had been bearable as long as I didn’t forget my painkillers. Is she just trying to scare me? Is it gonna get way worse? Or does she just have an embarrassingly low tolerance for pain? 

pink-lightning: You look happy.  pink-lightning: Have you ever sent a picture smiling before? 

I scroll up to look at the picture again at Ashley’s statement. I’m a little surprised at how much I’m smiling; I hadn’t even noticed when I took it. I’m also surprised that she’d notice something as small as how often someone smiles in pictures. I make a mental note of that, feeling embarrassment creep up about it — is it not normal to feel a little bit weird about a smile? I do my best to hide my feelings.

wen-kutesuli: I guess not lol I didn’t notice! raeraebun: You NEED to do it more. you look SO CUTEE grumpybunny-edith: fr. depriving us of that shit should count as a crime tbh  thebuildingisonfire: okay but like. Be gay do crime  raeraebun: not this crimee raeraebun: we love following the law in this specific moment grumpybunny-edith: Yeah this crime is like. Stealing from a small business  thebuildingisonfire: just on principle, omfg =_=

The chat stops for a few minutes. I’m too giddy to care much about it, pacing my room on my toes and going fast enough to feel the wind in my ears. Of course they’re happy for me, why wouldn’t they be? Their pride... kinda becomes my own. I keep jumping around, catching glimpses of myself in my mirror, and it makes me so happy. The light from outside shines through my ears like a tulle curtain, making them shine. I don’t even have to imagine I have a tail to feel this giddy about it all. I put on my favorite KKB album and hop around my carpeted floors, enjoying the simple joy of having a body becoming more like what it’s supposed to be. 

I don’t notice the next message until several minutes later, the buzzing of my phone muted by the carpet. I prance back to it only intending to play a song over again. 

thebuildingisonfire: dealing w any like, behavioral stuff? Or are we still waiting on that lol  raeraebun: I didnt realize you were taking over scheduling the sleepover, del xD thebuildingisonfire: oh no definitely not that’s still your job lmaooo thebuildingisonfire: just curious I swear

I keep hopping around my room as I try to come up with an answer. I don’t feel anything like what the information outlined, and definitely nothing that would warrant one of those sleepovers they’re always talking about. My feet are a little bit sore from all the moving, but I still have more energy to get out, so I type and jog at the same time. 

wen-kutesuli: I don’t think I’ve gotten any yet?  grumpybunny-edith: Oh my god Delilah you can’t just ask someone how horny they are pink-lightning: Yeah. Obviously that’s Edith’s job.

I drop my phone. I don’t pick it up. I’ve stopped in my tracks. Of course I know what’s coming, but it’s hard to believe it’ll happen to me. Sure it’s exciting, but I haven’t exactly had all that many... you know. It’s just hard to think about as something real, let alone something happening so soon. And, just, logistically it all seems pretty inconvenient; “Missing work for sex so often you get fired for it” seems more Delilah’s speed than it does mine, and I’m not sure I want to find out whether or not that’s correct. I shift my feet in the carpet nervously, feeling the tiny fibers through my soles. I press up onto the balls of my feet, trying to adjust to the way my feet are going to move within the next year. When I move to join my phone on the floor I push my heels down first, sitting down like a rabbit is supposed to. 

raeraebun: its not that unreasonable yall, “behavioral stuff” doesnt have to mean horny  raeraebun: its just cool to know the drugs work and that youre happy w them gwen :))  pink-lightning: And if you’re not, you can always let us know. We don’t want anyone having to go through that kind of thing alone.  grumpybunny-edith: That’s kinda the whole reason this chat exists, lol  grumpybunny-edith: Also, that’s what she said. 

I giggle for the amount of time it takes to understand what Edith meant, at which point I’m overrun with blush. I can barely fathom the idea of one of them actually wanting to... Well. “Help me” with that kind of thing. I’m well aware they do it with each other, I’ve just never been that type before? It’s like being in line for a rollercoaster you have no knowledge of beyond being able to hear the things people say once they’ve gotten off. 

pink-lightning: Seriously. I know we all only just met you in the grand scheme of things, but we are here to help in whatever capacity you want. I’m trying to build the space I would’ve needed when I was in your shoes. If there’s anything you need to talk about, please let us know. Even if it feels kinda weird.

raeraebun: absolutely!! We’re here for ya bestie <333

Ashley is so sincere it almost makes me anxious. I walk across the room, heels sinking into the carpet, and pull the packet the doctor gave me out of my desk drawer. I sit on the floor with it. 

“Descent into sexual depravity” “Unavoidable, frequent joint pain that will last for years”

“ near-constant sex drive which interferes with life at nearly every turn” 

“Irreversible”

“Loss of self”

I throw the packet to the side, my lower back numb like something was trying to burrow out of it, thrashing viciously from side to side. 

I open the chat again, staring at Ashley’s message with my phone in my hairless hands. My nails are short and fragile, not clicking against the screen as I type. 

wen-kutesuli: I’m gonna be okay, right?  grumpybunny-edith: You’re gonna be just fine 💙 pink-lightning: Absolutely. And whenever it’s not, let us know.  thebuildingisonfire: we got you  raeraebun: totally!!!

I look between my screen and the discarded packet. I feel wide awake in the sunset but crawl into bed anyway, finding comfort in the blankets over my head. I really, really consider asking for some company, but I’m not sure how much I want to be seen right now.

---

Prev - Next

[st4rdom-if]

[ surprise ] sender sneaks up behind receiver and places their hands over their eyes, wanting them to guess who it is, for Seungho/MC?

Why did the prompt remind me of this video?? 😂

ANYWAYS, story down below.

seungho and MC are friends with crushes ;)

One moment you are alone, scrolling through your phone while waiting for the other girls to get back from the bathroom, and the next everything goes dark. Your heart jumps into your throat. There is something warm covering your eyes.

Hands.

Immediately your senses kick in, fear taking hold of you. Your mind flashes back to the defense lessons you were forced to take by Manager Hyunwoo. Although you have Chang-ho to protect you, he had insisted that it would not hurt to know some methods of fighting back. Just in case.

Just in case. You never thought you were going to have to put those skills to use.

Look at you now.

There is no time to think, only act. Luckily your arm isn’t restrained.

“Guess who–OOF!” The voice registers just as your elbow collides into their chest. Finally your vision opens up, the lights appearing brighter than normal. The “stranger” has let go of you, likely stumbling a few feet back. It gives you an opening to run, but you don’t.

After all, you know who it is.

Seungho is a few steps behind, hand clutching his chest. You clearly took him surprise, by the way he is slightly bent over. There is a mixture of shock, pain, and something like pride flickering in his expression. A part of you feels guilty and embarrassed for hurting him. Your heart certainly feels this way. The other part swells with pride from the fact that you were able to fight back, even if just a bit. Sometimes that’s all a person needs to escape from a close call like this.

You scoff as soon as his eye meets yours. “Seungho! What the hell was that for?!” He could have introduced himself, but you keep that thought to yourself.

“Ouch, I was expecting something nicer.” The leader of the KMonarchs straightens up as though you hadn’t elbowed him square in the chest. A corner of his lips lift up to shape a smirk, and you force yourself to tear your gaze away from it before your mind gets carried away. “After all, I came all this way from rehearsal to meet up with you. I was hoping to surprise you. In a good way, too.”

“I’m not too sure about that,” you mutter.

“Anyways, aren’t you happy that I’m here?” he leans closer, now showing his pearly white teeth. “Come on, admit it, you are. I know.” Your heart betrays you by speeding up at the proximity. You had not noticed him take a step forward, but now he is so close you could kiss.

If you want. Which you don’t. Right?

“You…” You forget what you were about to say, words dying as they form. His eyes distract you from your feelings, and the world stops. God, what were you going to say? Were you about to insult him? Likely, but you don’t remember why now. “I…”

You fumble for a bit until you eventually shut your mouth, deciding that silence was better. Seungho’s eyes appear to soften, and he leans back, much to your relief. And disappointment, but you would rather not linger on that particular feeling.

He chuckles. “Never mind. I already know the answer.” Seungho shoves his hands in his pockets, back straightening like the leader he is meant to be. “So, our date is still on, right?”

Your heart stutters at his choice of words. “It’s not a date. It’s a hangout.”

It takes Seungho a moment to think about it. Then, he laughs. “Oh, yeah, right. A hangout. At a nice restaurant. With me paying. For dinner.”

“Hey, I thought we agreed that we would split the bill! I can afford to pay too, you know.” Again he laughs. You roll your eyes, though your response is warm. “But yes, we are still going. Let me just text the girls and grab my coat.” You remember that the others are still in the bathroom (which is suspicious because they are taking longer than usual) so you send them a quick text.

By the time you look up, Seungho has already picked up your coat. After a few gestures, he puts it on for you, going as far as to zip it up. Not that you aren’t capable; when the man insists there is no way to convince him otherwise. He’s stubborn that way.

A trait you may or may not like about him.

You track his every moment, up until he reaches the top.

“There you go,” he smiles, patting your arm. “Warmed up and ready to go.”

“You are being especially charming today. Did something good happen?”

Seungho shakes his head. “No. Why? Do I need to have a good day in order to be nice? I can be a gentleman whenever I want to be. Which is always.”

“Sure, sure. You are always such the charmer.”

Seungho is snickering even when you walk away from him. Though you know he is always one step behind you, ready to save you should you need it.

[ragecndybars]

AO3 tag game :3

thanks so much for the tag @mvshortcut !!!!! much appreciated, this was a blast to fill out :D

How many works do you have on AO3?

86! Damn, that's more than I remember 🙀 I have been writing pretty fervently since I was pretty young, though, and I transferred all my old fics from fanfiction dot net to AO3, so it's a long stretch of time. All my old wattpad fics are still rotting somewhere though lmaooo I can't even access them anymore bc I forgot my password and I can't reset it bc I used a school email 😔

What's your total AO3 word count?

443,734! When I get to half a million I'm gonna have to throw myself a party. With boba and everything

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

Oof, okay, here we go. A lot of the fandoms I have tagged on AO3 don't really "count" because they're just aggregate tags for the same fandom, so even though AO3 says the number is 48, I'm gonna count the TRUE number as 17. (It got cut down so much because of how many video game series have different games with different fandom tags on AO3, lmao)

Here's the breakdown of the list:

Persona (Mostly Persona 3)

Fire Emblem (Mostly Shadow Dragon and Blazing Sword)

Legend of Zelda

Pokemon

Professor Layton

RWBY

Kid Icarus: Uprising

Earthbound/MOTHER

Red vs. Blue

Voltron Legendary Defender

Naruto

Final Fantasy XV

Harvest Moon

The Mysterious Benedict Society

The Avengers

Animal Crossing

Care Bears (despite having never actually consumed any Care Bears media to my knowledge)

The worst part is that this stupid list would be much, much, MUCH longer if I finished even a quarter of my WIPs 😭 Hell, even just my "Video Games" subfolder in my "Fanfiction" subfolder has more than 17 subfolders in it...

Y'all don't understand how many random fics my ADHD spares you from ever seeing I have no focus

Top five fics by kudos:

Ash and Emotion (Zelda) - Not surprising, I knew this was my most popular fic. It was for a ZeLink zine full of beautiful work :)

Resemblance (Naruto) - bro I always forget people really liked this one. Literally an unedited drabble I did in an hour for a "pride month drabble challenge" which I immediately abandoned. Trans rights I guess

Always Wanna Play (But You Never Wanna Lose) (Persona 3) - This one isn't surprising either, and I'm very proud of this fic so I'm quite chuffed to see it get so much attention... thanks everyone :')

The Beat of Your Heart (Zelda) - Now this one surprised me a lot. This was just a little piece for ZeLink week... Another unedited one, I literally was writing it on the toilet in church so I could get it out in time 😭

Comfort (Zelda) - Another ZeLink week piece, but I knew this one was popular. Also unedited, lmao. I was writing it on the day of my AP Calc finals and I rushed through the exam so I could have more time to work on the fic 😭 I made some Choices that year

Do you respond to comments?

I try to! But I get very anxious about it and tend to work myself into a tizzy, so I often put it off for later and then forget, haha. Then I'll go and respond to all my comments from the last few months and feel even weirder about it... T_T

What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?

Oof. That's... a hard one, haha. I've written a couple of fics without happy endings, though I typically don't. At least three fics which end on a canonical character death, for instance. But I'd say the ending which made me the most emo writing was Butter, a Mother 3 fic. It ends with Lucas, who's like 9, recently lost his mother, then lost his twin brother (and thinks it's his fault), and is now being neglected by his father, crawling into bed and crying. So yeah, pretty bleak, lmao... but at least he doesn't die I guess?

Do you write crossovers?

I do, but I haven't posted many yet. I'm not always huge on writing them, but I do think about them a lot. I was working on this one Persona 3 x Fire Emblem Awakening crossover but I lost steam on it, and now there's a really lovely crossover on AO3 with a similar premise that I was SO delighted to come across!!! Hope y'all don't mind me taking a break from linking my own work to shill for this one, hehe

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

Unfortunately, yes, about six times, I'd say. Even more unfortunately, most of those times happened earlier on in my fanfic writing career, and I was pretty sensitive to hate back then, so I deleted many of the relevant fics, and some of them I don't even have access to myself anymore.

Not gonna talk about the ones that are still upsetting, but I will talk about the funny examples: on a (since deleted) RWBY fic, I said in the author's note that I "wrote them as platonic, but the fic can be read as WhiteRose", and then I got a glowing comment gushing about how good the story was which ended with "but then you had to ruin it by shitting all over WhiteRose, how about you [long suicide bait]". Third most baffling comment I've ever received.

The two most baffling were on different fics, but both were making the same weird accusation??? One was on a ZeLink fic (actually, on Comfort, my fifth most kudos'ed fic of all time now), and y'know I think I'm just gonna show you the comment in question:

The other one was on a long-since deleted fic which focused on both a romantic ship, as well as a fatherly relationship between one member of the ship and the other member's father. I guess having a fatherly relationship with your father-in-law makes your boyfriend actually your brother (and therefore you can't date him anymore). IDK man people are crazy. (tbf the commenter in question thought I was setting it up so that he'd get adopted by his boyfriend's parents, which would give them more of a case, but like... that didn't happen in the fic and wasn't going to. they just guessed at a future plot development and got angry about their guess)

Do you write smut?

I do, but I've never posted any. I've posted one fic that was very suggestive, I'd even call it "NSFW" in a sense, but never anything explicit. Maybe I will in the future? We'll see if I can ever finish anything smutty, lmao.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, I had Ultimatum, my longest chapter-fic (and by far my most popular fic in the ff.n days) stolen and posted on another site by somebody. I reported it but never checked back up to see if it got taken down.

I also feel that I've had my work plagiarized pretty damn blatantly in another fandom (I was browsing a certain AU tag and read one which contained all the exact events and sometimes word-for-word dialogue from a fic of mine, just very very slightly rewritten) but the poster had no other works and their writing was definitely extremely juvenile, so... I figured they were a dumb kid and just decided not to raise a fuss. Checked back later and they deleted it, hopefully because they realized they shouldn't do that, so I figure there's no need to start shit over it. Honestly, if that person used that experience as a jumping-off point to write their own fics, then I'm glad it happened, imitation being the highest form of flattery and all.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, though I had someone reach out to me on fanfiction dot net a long time ago and ask permission to translate An Unheard Goodbye, which was super exciting! I agreed, but I don't believe they ever got around to it, or if they did, they never posted it. Still very flattering, and I think about that a lot, hehe.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY ANSWER THIS. UM. UM UH. UHHH UM UH I. UM.

I'm.... gonna say Zelda/Link? I haven't written it in FOREVER but it was such a huge part of me coming into my own as a fanfic author, so I have to give it credit for that.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

.......all of them 😭 god I have so many of these damn things. But for the prime example, I'd point to Ultimatum, an old Pokemon fic that I started in middle school. I got all the way to the climax and I feel bad leaving my readers hanging, but... at this point, if I did continue it, I would honestly have to rewrite the whole fic first just to be in line with my current understanding of the characters.

What are your writing strengths?

Y'know, I think I get character voices down extremely well in a way which elevates my dialogue and narration. That's probably the thing I'm most proud of in my own writing, at least.

What are your writing weaknesses?

BREVITY. Or the utter, glaring lack of it. I have also been known to muddy up my writing with an overabundance of A) adverbs, B) unneeded clauses tacked onto perfectly good sentences, and C) em-dashes 😭

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I think it's dope as fuck, but I currently can't really accomplish it because I'm monolingual (NOT FOR LONG IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT, I'M COMING FOR YOU, JAPANESE FLUENCY!!!!). I will also say that I don't like when authors will write characters having a story-important conversation in another language, then put the translations in the end notes or something, requiring you to either read the chapter confused or else keep scrolling back down and back up.... I think even that's totally fine to do if what's being said isn't plot-relevant, though.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Naruto. I hadn't read or watched Naruto btw, I had only read other Naruto fanfics. I have spoken on this topic many times, but it remains hilarious to me. Also, so many of my old Naruto fics are lost to the Wattpad times, but I will take this opportunity to once again share a quote which I recently managed to unearth from my long-lost unsung magnum opus:

Never ever will I intentionally attain the level of comedy gold that I managed while writing completely dead serious Naruto fanfiction on Wattpad in 2012.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

See above. How could I ever top that fic.

In all seriousness, this question always makes me sweat, but I think I'm gonna say Oil, a slightly older fic from my EliHec days which I absolutely obsessed over for months before finally managing to finish. And, unlike most of the fics that I obsess over, I think the obsession actually made it come out better rather than worse, haha.

thanks again for the tag!!!! as for me, I'll tag uhh, hm, @wizard-finix @dreamedge @misty-wisp @flyfish1999 and any other AO3 writers who see this!!! (idk how many of you use AO3 and most of the MBS authors I know have probably already been tagged hehe but anybody who wants to should absolutely feel free!!!!!!!)

[marithlizard]

Helluva Boss s1e8: first impressions

The visual style for this episode looks really different from usual, based on the teaser images.  I don't mind it, but I do wonder why. 

-  Loona's phone image for Blitzo makes him look like a squashed frog.  :) - Loona's so nervous, I feel for her.  (Did she have anyone to help her pick out that very nice dress? Probably not.) - Oh, I think I get it.  The look is so different because it's the Envy ring. Yellow sky tinting everything, on top of the architecture and whole general vibe.    Greed, Lust, Wrath and Sloth had their own styles too but none of them made me instantly go "oh wow we are NOT in Pride" the way this does. - (Will this make the people who complain about "too much red" any happier? Don't be silly.) - Loona's tension is shown so well. Her posture, the way she's clutching her arm and clenching her fist, the way her smile doesn't just drop as soon as Tex is out of sight but turns to active unhappiness.  She doesn't even sound glad at the prospect of a drink, when we know she drinks frequently on the job. - Oof. How many times has she tried to fit in to hound social groups before, that the Mean Girl finds her so memorable? - Ooh, yeah, living with Blitzo does not exactly give one a reliable sense of acceptable language, does it.  - Oh I SEE,  "Bitch" in hound circles is one of those weaponized “selectively problematic” terms.  Can’t imagine why the writers would have that concept in mind.

- Is that a major demon sigil? Sure looks like it. So we may get to see the ruler of this Ring.

- Right, it's Gluttony, thus the food theme. - Loona’s totally unreceptive to the song and actually looks betrayed to see Tex so into it. She’s hunching into herself defensively as though she expects to be attacked.  Does she know this singer? - I thought the singer was a hellhound at first, but she has to be a sinner. Hounds don’t have extra arms.  (Do I even want to know what she means by "making honey"?)

 - Can anyone make out what Loona is mouthing at 4:41?  She is REALLY not happy with this song, and I have to agree the force-feeding is a bit disturbing, and has me wondering if the treats are drugged.

- Okay, Loona, I'm on your side in general here, but you don’t have moral high ground to be disgusted by crude remarks. Your moral ground is practically underwater. - Bee does seem friendly, and not intentionally patronizing. In fact she seems like everything I would have thought Loona wants to be - confident, glamorous, popular, decadent.  But instead of fangirling, Loona’s defensive and borderline hostile. - Bee sure does like to name-drop.  She must be a pop star like Verosika if she’s able to hobnob with Belphegor and Satan.  - SHE’S Tex’s girlfriend?   Ooooh.  Dating one pop star and bodyguarding another. Maybe I'm beginning to guess how some of these people know Blitzo. - Does Loona maybe realize that she has a problem with alcohol, and that’s part of why she’s so unhappy and convinced she can’t stay despite the welcoming vibe from Tex and Bee?

- Ah, Blitzo. Finished his cry, changed his shirt, got himself some ice cream and settling in to sulk all night on the couch. A very relatable post-date strategy.

- He doesn’t hesitate an instant when he sees Loona needs him. Nothing but concern when he greets her either, not even a hint of annoyance or guilt-tripping at the inconvenience.   Good dad.

- Interesting, this guy seems to like and admire Blitzo.  We're so used to thinking of him as a fuckup.  

- That was a lightning-fast 180 from "oh god please get me out of here" to "canwestaycanwestay", Loona. The power of hormones. Also she clearly feels much safer at the party with her dad’s support. - Blitzo does not look at all impressed or intimidated by Bee.  And he's so obviously happy to be in his element, doing something he knows he's good at, even if it's a gross something like binge drinking. - AWWWWW Loona being publicly proud of her dad!  He looks so happy! So dorky! So drunk.  Oh, Stolas, if you had only realized what he needed in that critical moment, flipped Asmodeus off and announced to the club that you love this imp and Verosika dear he’s clearly just not that into you because with ME he’s an insatiable stallion... if you’d done that, you could’ve had your beloved looking at you like this:

The face of romance, truly. - Bee and Tex suddenly look worried. I wonder why.  Are they actually concerned for his health,  or that he's upstaging her in her own club, or ? - Aww, they are concerned. They're both pretty decent people in their way.

- Whoa, she's got power. Is Bee something like an Overlord? - And Loona's ready to throw down with her - it's the sight of Tex looking unhappy that makes her reconsider. 

- pfft.  Okay, favorite line of the episode.  "I'm not fucking a Dennis tonight. I need a Monica or Alejandro in here, stat!"

- Loona being protective and caring. And really quite patient, considering. But she’s not going to sit around and listen to his woes and he doesn’t expect her to. -”Fizz was right, I’m gonna die alone..”  AUGH.  Blitzo’s mumbling confession of loneliness and despair. :(  It’s not just that he includes Stolas in his list. It’s that  M&M, Loona and Stolas are the only names in his list.   He doesn’t have anyone else left in his life, after the mess he’s made of his previous relationships. That was satisfying, with all the wholesome father-daughter moments I could’ve hoped for.  Good stuff. Catchy credits song, too...But no Hazbin cameo, so what was the reason for the delay?

.... Wait.  “Queen Bee”.  As in BEELZEBUB? Tex is dating a SIN?  Voiced by KESHA??? I literally did not figure any of this out until the end credits, and am sitting here flabbergasted.  If Stolas needs moral and social support for dating an imp,  he’s now got two high-profile examples of loving relationships across an even bigger class gap. This isn’t just thematic, I have a feeling it might be part of the plot before all is said and done.   The Goetia may be rigid snobs, but the Sins clearly aren’t.

[eolewyn1010]

@awordwasthebeginning tagged me to answer 15 questions and tag 15 people, let's see how I fare.

1. Are you named after anyone?

Yeah, both after my mom's grandmother and after my father's grandmother, although I only use one first name in everyday.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Couple weeks back, when I caught up on the finale of Owl House. This show is so good.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

More in writing than in speaking, but yeah.

5. What sports do you play / have you played?

Sports... *hisses at the word* Uh, I don't think Yoga counts. A bit of calisthenics if I can bother? I go on walks sometimes? Eh. Something I can do alone, in any case. In school, P. E. was a humiliation on a regular basis.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Basic politeness. Say hello, be clear about what you want and don't infringe on other's personal space? We're peachy. Hear music on the train without headphones, think traffic was made Specifically For You, yell at or condescend to people? I can plan your death within 15 seconds of learning of your existence.

7. What's your eye color?

A kind of greyish blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. They can suffer on the way there, but where's the point if it doesn't pay off?

9. Any special talents?

I was told I'm both a decent writer and cook, is that special? If you want something useless, random and slightly freaky, I can do a weird thing where I make my pupils tremble.

10. Where were you born?

The federal state with the ostensibly worst German dialect (slander), Saxony. We got a pretty baroque city here tho, so there.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing and, when the muse turns her attention back to it, drawing and sewing. Also, cooking. And watching tons of series with my friend to yell and snark about them together XD

12. Do you have any pets?

Not atm, but I'm holding out hope.

13. How tall are you?

1,62 m or 5'4" for my non-metric fellas

14. Favorite subject in school?

German (Literature) and History. Heh, I guess while I collect new fancies and interests every month, my true passions were set in stone early on. It helped that my teachers for those were awesome.

15. Dream job?

I think deep down, I still wanna be a writer. It's not highly realistic, but it's what I think I'd be best at.

Tagging... uh, I'm always so out of my depth at this part. @chaoticpartners-incrime @poodlewithaguitar @str4wanzerin @chrisoels @cricrithings @herzeliebes-waltherlin @mutantenfisch @thotstochter @kittycatalex @owlbear33 @breaddo @krejong @scifi-mistica @fallingforfandoms @mynameisactuallylenny

Oof, are those fifteen? Uhm, tagging with zero pressure, you guys <3 Take care and be prideful!

[ciaossu-imagines]

For the personal asks, can you answer the following questions:

5. List up to ten (or more, why limit yourself?) words you like and their definitions?

10. Talk about something you are working on?

11. Share something you are proud of?

12. What fandom currently holds your fixation?

15. What kind of weather do you like the best?

16. Talk about something you love?

21. What are you currently reading? Give us a quote if you like?

C

Of course I can! I’m really flattered you sent in something to learn more about me 😊 I hid this under a cut, just for the people who really are just here for the fandom stuff and don’t want to read the rambles of this writer but thank you so much for the ask!

5. List up to ten (or more, why limit yourself?) words you like and their definitions?

Okay, please forgive me but I work around drugs all day and some of them have fantastic fucking names that are just so fun to say. Domperidone is just so much fun to say and it sounds so fancy for a medication that’s normally used to help stomach issues. Moxifloxacin just rolls off the tongue really fun too (it’s an antibiotic, for anyone interested). Just saying the word ‘Christmas’ or ‘Halloween’ makes me smile like an idiot, because I truly love and look forward all year to both holidays now. I used to be a Christmas grump, because I had really bad memories of it, but I have found the spirit. I swear like a sailor, so ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ are both oft-used words that I love a lot. They’re multi-faceted. I also like really weird words, ones that aren’t often used or just sound so fun. Twitterpated is so fun, it just means to be very infatuated. I use whippersnapper unironically. I guess I could only find eight, but eight is pretty good, for such a weird but wonderful question!

10. Talk about something you’re working on.

I honestly have just really been working hard on getting replies out, getting caught up on reading I’ve been wanting to do (while letting myself feel less guilty about it by saying it will help the blog), getting stuff straightened out on the blog, and now working on building the queue and emptying the inbox. Outside of that though, I have been having fun, for an hour here or there, working on podficing. I really enjoy it, I get a lot of compliments in my day-to-day on my voice both in person but especially on the telephone, it’s been letting me test out a new microphone and editing software, and I eventually hope to be happy enough with something I’ve recorded to share it, either with just a couple people or the public at large.

11. Share something you are proud of.

Oof. Double oof. Triple, quadruple Oof with a capital for emphasis. I’m really, really bad at saying good things about myself or the things I’ve done in my life. I keep working at it in therapy, but it’s really hard for me and I don’t have a lot of pride in myself. However, I guess the closest I can come is saying I’m really proud of that goddamn college diploma hanging on my wall. For those who don’t know me well, I actually dropped out of high school in grade 12. That diploma is years later than it should have been but it took a lot of courage and hard work to go back, get my GED and get a college degree.

12. What fandom currently holds your hyperfixation?

I think it’s really common with a lot of people, myself included, that the fandom you’re currently reading or watching is the one you hyper-focus on. Because of this, because I’m currently reading Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun! and One Piece, those are the fandoms I’m thinking about the most. However, with each new ask I pull up or each new prompt I bring up to write about, I’m able to rediscover the joy and love for the show/manga/game again so I don’t think the hyperfixation on those is too extreme. I can carry a lot of obsessions at once, what can I say?

15. What kind of weather do you like the best?

It really depends on the season. Where Canada has such distinct seasons, I have different types of weather I prefer in each one. In spring, it’s the really warm, clear days with the kind of blue skies that have an ombre effect to them and have big puffy clouds and just the slightest of breezes. In summer, it’s the freak summer thunderstorms with big lightning strikes that last for a couple hours and stop as quickly as they started. In autumn, it’s those perfect ‘sweater weather’ days that beg you to take long walks to look at all the colourful leaves and that smell like woodfires burning and dry leaves crunching. In winter, it’s snowstorms. Snowstorms all the way because they are beautiful to watch and it gives me an excuse to not go out into the cold.

16. Talk about something that you love?

Okay, but guys, despite being so young, because my older sister gave birth as a teen, and her kids are also starting young, I very recently just became a great-aunt. I was sent pictures, because I can’t be there, but holy fuck, that baby is the most adorable thing. They came quite premature, so unfortunately they’re not able to leave the hospital yet, but they’re so tiny and fragile and pink and just…despite not having children, I do think babies are adorable and love that one very much.

21. What are you currently reading? Give us a quote if you would like.

Outside of those two manga mentioned above, I’m rereading the Hold Me Closer, Necromancer novel and it’s sequel. I love both books a ton, wish other people would read and love them too and talk to me about them. They’re young adult, yeah, but they are fun. There’s a lot of quirky humour in them I love, the supernatural angle is well done in my opinion, the world is nicely fleshed out, and the main character is just a dude, but a dude you root for.

A couple of my favourite quotes –

“Most people felt lost after high school. Sometimes I felt like I’d never really been found in the first place.”

“So you’re telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.”

“I wanted to howl until I was nothing but sound.”

[katebishopofearth]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @wheelsup-sevenup

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 69 (nice 😏)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 317,923

3. What fandoms do you write for? Marvel (mostly ironwidow) and Our Flag Means Death. I have some Clexa fics from back in the day but haven't written for the fandom in years.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? i'm kinda surprised by these but i guess that older fics and multichapter fics have more time to accumulate kudos? - Something Worth Living For (2498 kudos) - A Night of Drunken Revelry (564 kudos) - iron masks and spider kisses (534 kudos) - Broken (485 kudos) - The Art of Taking a Blade (461 kudos)

5. Do you respond to comments? YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES. I try to reply to every comment because each one is literally the best part of my day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oof. The shit I've put Natasha through lol. Probably falling. which is Natasha reflecting on her life as she falls to her death on Vormir. dream. is also up there, it's about kid!Natasha learning to love Yelena as a sister.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? "happiest" is not quantifiable lmao. In the context of canon, maybe Something Worth Living For, it was cathartic and healing to give Clarke and Lexa their happy ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Yup it's happened a handful of times, luckily few and far between, but they always feel like getting a splinter stuck in my skin for days afterwards.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I've written light smut of the sapphic variety. I'm ace so smut is never about the sex for me, it's about character dynamics, power and intimacy. For example, the (non-explicit) sex scene in iron masks and spider kisses is about Toni baring her deepest secrets to Natasha and letting herself be vulnerable with her, and Natasha's acceptance of Toni's scars and past.

10. Do you write crossovers? Nope. My brain doesn't work that way.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I think that some of my very early ironwidow fics have ended up on Wattpad :/

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yup I've written a few early ironwidow fics for a challenge waaaaaay back in 2014, with the talented @auripigmentum, @kuailongs and SatinSatire. They helped me find my footing with writing ironwidow: Chemical Reaction (Tony gets kidnapped, Nat comes to his rescue), Never Simple (Natasha finds out secrets about her own past, angst ensues), and Good Intentions (speakeasy era AU that still lives in my head rent-free)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? i'd be lying if i said anything other than ironwidow. It's the ship I keep coming back to for over a decade.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh god. The teen vigilante Avengers AU I was writing in 2014. Idk if it'll ever see the light of day but it was my all-consuming pride and joy for months.

16. What are your writing strengths? idk, you tell me. probably putting characters through angsty situations lmao. Also action scenes (thank u Warrior Cats).

17. What are your writing weaknesses? actually writing lmao. It's hard to get into the mood/mindest for writing. Also writing multichapter fics – my attention span isn't built for anything longer than a 5+1.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I rarely do this because I know that code-mixing (mixing two or more languages when speaking) is incredibly nuanced, varying depending on language, context, and individual speakers. I pretty much only do this when the character canonically code-mixes in speech, and I try to stick to how they would speak, in order to sound as natural as possible.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Warrior Cats when I was about 12 on deviantart. Good times.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Oh MAN. It's hard to choose a favourite child. I don't think this is my most well-written fic, but the question is asking for a favourite fic not a well-written one, and it's probably iron masks and spider kisses. I loved exploring fem!Toni, and her relationship with her gender and femininity. It's a specific flavour of ironwidow that I haven't found in many other fics (tho there are a couple out there that definitely influenced how i wrote this fic). It's also truly a labour of love – I started writing this around the time Endgame was coming out, and wrote it over a time of enormous change, angst and upheaval in my life.

This was so much fun! I love talking about my writing haha and sharing older fics.

Tagging: @queeenpersephone @autumnwoodsdreamer @missmacfire also i'm realising that i don't remember which of my mutuals is a writer (it's 1 am u can't blame me for this) so if you're a writer – especially if you're on the OFMD fic server – consider yourself tagged!

[theninjamouse]

Heeeeey hi everyone. I guess this is another sort of update? I have been unbelievably busy. I've talked a bit about it before but I got a job as a traveling photographer/video person for dance conventions and competitions so I'm not kidding when I say I fly to a different state nearly every weekend and that usually takes up my Thursday through Monday just with work and travel. In between that I've been doing a lot of real estate photography and I had a massive filming project that's been eating up any spare moment with edits and all that and now I've been entrusted to work dance recitals on my own which is both super flattering that my boss trusts me with that and extremely nerve wracking. I'm heading to Memphis tomorrow and my flight is a 5:30 in the morning and that extremely sucks because I have to drive an hour and a half to the airport so I'm probably just going to leave my place around 11 or so tonight so I'm not falling asleep at the wheel and just crash at the airport for a few hours.

I'm also shortly heading to New York to work as a lead media production member for the same camp I worked last year, so I'll be doing that for about seven weeks. Funny enough, I will actually have a smidge more time during camp because it is less travel than I've been doing the last few months.

The writing is still happening in the moments when I can. I try to write on the plane but being honest it's not exactly a prime creative environment and I honestly wind up falling asleep most of the time because I don't sleep much during work weekends. I know I have asks to answer, one shots and drabbles I've promised and I'm working on them in the spare moments when I can.

My goal is to get a massive chunk of both OoF, Tonal Range and a personal project done during camp time but I'll honestly just have to see how things go. I got almost no writing done last year because of mourning my grandma and just generally being at the lowest mental health of my life but things are much better now. Crazy busy! But better.

Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding! Be safe out there and happy pride month!

[shadowbunnydragon]

To Bailey, Lily, and Russell: Since you’re dating a predator, what kind of relationship challenges do you face? I’m only asking because I’m a guy and I’ve had a male wolf friend recently come to me and ask me out

Russell, his ears turning pink: "Uh... w-well..."

Baily: "You do have to remember that us humans are omnivores, making us predators as well. Granted, our lack of claws or sharp teeth kinda make that a bit hard to believe for some mammals..."

He reaches into his coat pocket to pull out his buzzing phone, accidentally swiping up and hitting the speaker option.

Leodore: "Hey there, Barney! Just calling to let you know that I've mulled it over, and I still find it silly that you guys are predators. No offense, but you kinda look more like how we'd make a felt puppet mascot for a show to teach very young mammals tolerance and understanding and all that nonsense towards predators. Basically you're predator lite, if you catch my meaning. Also wanted to let you know that I'm gunna be kinda late for our next card reading session, things did NOT work out in the waste disposal union like I had thought it would. Seriously, you make one, or several, jokes about organized crime connections, and suddenly everyone gets up into a tizzy... oh great, it looks like I'm getting pulled over now. I probably shouldn't be talking on my phone while driving, but this is just getting ridiculous. Anyways, see you in maybe an hour."

The phone goes silent, the three humans staring wide-eyed at it in silence.

Lily: "Anyways... it's true that there have been some challenges. Like smaller herbivorous mammals sometimes being nervous around us and giving us side-eyed looks and wide berths."

Russell: "Patricia and David told me that it was a lot worse towards predators a few years ago, but that it's gotten better. The specism towards predators in general, I mean. But then there's also... some members of Jackson's pack aren't too happy with him not dating another jackal, or at the very least, another canid... and sometimes, despite the brave face he puts on... you can see that it does in fact hurt him from time to time..."

Lily: "Some of Renato's family has voiced similar concerns... with his great-grandmother suggesting that we are some kind of evil spirits that have started appearing to work a dark mischief... whatever that means."

Baily, rubbing the back of his head: "I might be kinda lucky in that regard. I'm sure some members of Sophia's pride might not be too happy with her bringing in a human... especially one who was, until very recently, homeless. But thanks to a 'certain someone' and their increasingly embarrassing antics, I guess I'm looking golden in comparison..."

His phone buzzes again and, after receiving now somewhat amused nods from the other two, Baily swipes up and enables the speaker function yet again.

Leodore: "No, officer, you've got this all wrong! That wad of money just fell out of my pocket! It was not a bribe! Speeding and talking on my phone when driving is around $150 here, I've gotten enough tickets for that to know by now; so why would I try to give you $400 when I can just bite the bullet and pay this fine?! OOF!" A loud slamming sound followed by a muffled voice speaking. "Oh, uh, Basil, we're gunna need to have a rain check for that reading. Apparently someone needs to FILL A QUOTA!"

The call ends.

Lily: "... Anywho, opening your heart to someone can be scary, and each time there will be their own sets of challenges. But, there's the chance that you could find someone who makes your heart sing... ahem, and whom you get on with wonderfully. Ultimately, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my big fluffy Marshmallow."

Baily: "I never thought I could feel the way I do about Sophia. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't an angel..."

Russell: "And I'm really glad that I said yes to Jackson! I don't know how things will go down the road, but I'm really happy here and now!"

Lily: "I think that it's safe to say that all three of us here wish you the best of luck with this wolf boy!"

[asktriggerhappyhavoc]

The best memory all of you have in class

If I had to choose, I guess I’d pick the first time I got an invite to the Olympic Swimming team!! I didn’t end up participating, but there’s a lot of pride getting invited in the first place!!! - 🫧

I don’t know, nor do I care. - 💰

When I first brought home my dearest kitten. He was truly my greatest friend for quite some time! - 👑

Um… I think it would be the first time I trained with Mondo! I found out that I was stronger than I thought, and he said that he was proud of me! - 👾

For me, it must certainly be when my first work of fan fiction reached over one million reads! - 📖

Oof that’s a hard one… I think I’m gonna go with the first time I saw my designs on the runway. I was hugging onto Mukuro and sobbing from happiness the whole time!! - 💖

My happiest memory is my seventeenth birthday! It was the first birthday party I ever had! - 🎖️

When I got my detective license. I’ll never forget how proud my grandfather looked. - 🔎

My first jam session with Sayaka! We were both laughing and making music. Pure bliss. - 🎸

If I had to choose, I think it would be the time I went to the water park with my sister. There’s no real reason, it was just so fun and exciting! - 🍀

The first time I had dinner with Michi and my brother. It was the first time I felt like a normal family in more than a decade. Plus, eating in a house wasn’t too bad either. - 💎

When I hugged my sister after coming home from my training camp. - 🐇

All of my sparring sessions with my sensei. They were all so valuable, I couldn’t possibly choose one. - 🌸

Definitely my first on stage performance with my girls! The excitement, the adrenaline, the rush! There’s nothing else like it in the world!! - 🌟

When my best friend told me that she cared about me, and that she would never leave me. - 🖋️

It’s gotta be sitting in the couch with my ma for the first time after my house got burned down. It was the first time I was able to really relax after everything that happened. - ⏳