#like i have!! ideas!!! and nobody will do then like i want because theyre mine but I cant do them either!!!!

[plaguethewaters]

i wanna read my own aus so bad but writing. hard

[daistea]

regarding the possessive obsessive bf mithrun i imagine its to be expected that someone who hasnt had any desires for ?? years would get kinda intense abt the things theyre cultivating the ability to feel desire for !

RIGHT?? take my hand, walk into the light with me..

//Spoilers

Honestly, I headcanon that he was like that before the dungeon too. To an extent. There’s this post I like that implies that Mithrun didn’t actually truly love the elf girl from before, he just wanted to possess her because, you know, insecurity and complexes and brother issues.

He wanted to be loved, to possess, to feel worthy. I think that definitely could lead into possessiveness.

the most gorgeous boy in the world 🫣 kiss kiss smooch smooch, my little walking red flag

Anyway, post-demon those feelings go away. He still has emotions and a personality obviously. There’s still glimpses of who he was, but he doesn’t care about the old insecurities. They’re not there anymore. The inferiority complex is gone. He’s just Mithrun, demon killing machine, living only for one thing. I mean it’s canon that he’s already obsessive.

(I know the word ‘obsessed’ being used here is probably just translation liberties, but the idea still remains. If it’s genuinely ‘obsessed’ in Japanese though, I’ll be very pleased.)

I do think it’s possible to have a relationship with him at this point, but it won’t be conventional— that’s true of any relationship with him at any point in his life though. You’ll always be second. He’s not as invested, not as possessive, but I do think that’s just a natural part of his personality as well and it would still pop up on occasion.

THE MOST EVEN GORGEOUSER BOY IN THE WORLD 🥺 kiss kiss smooch smooch

Post-canon Mithrun has decided to live, to help make the broth in a stew or soup, to find use in himself. Yay!

I like the idea of Mithrun deciding to spend his life with someone simply because he enjoys their company, but my favorite thought is him developing a new desire— it’s not a simple desire for a relationship, though. It’s a desire for you. It’s very specific.

When Mithrun develops a new desire, he can’t ignore it. He needs it. He needs every ounce of it. If this desire is for a specific person, then he wants every ounce of them. This possessiveness doesn’t necessarily come from insecurity or inferiority like it used to. It’s from desperation and excitement. He trusts you. If he gets jealous it’s not because he thinks you’re going to cheat, it’s because he sees it and thinks, “They’re mine. Nobody else is allowed to have them.” It’s offensive that someone would even try to take you from him.

He wants his desire close to him. He’s clingy. He’s absolutely shameless. He doesn’t hide his feelings, but he doesn’t really say them out loud either, that’s just not how he rolls. He shows his feelings through actions. Are those actions genuinely unhinged sometimes? Yes.

You’ve got a friend who’s kinda worried that this elf guy is getting too attached? Mithrun has Cithis brain wash your friend into supporting your relationship so they don’t try to get in the way. Is that morally wrong? Don’t care didn’t ask

You want to do something very dangerous? Too bad, you’re getting tied to a chair so you can’t leave. Kick and scream all you want, he’s not risking losing you.

And he does it all with a straight face and no dramatics, too. They’re very normal things for him to do, obviously.

He’s very normal about you, obviously.

He wants every bit of your attention, every touch, every second, every year you have to offer. Does he say that out loud? No. But he wants it.

And when Mithrun actually wants something, he’s going to meticulously tear apart the stars one by one to get it. He hasn’t really wanted anything in 40-ish years. Doesn’t he deserve it?

[layraket]

okay finally the most waited post (of mine (maybe)) since yesterday!!! me rambling in a weird/deep way!!!!

first of all we start strong

the Wolfie thing was something that i've been wondering when will be adressed, and when i read the word "wolf" i got nuts

I felt weird here cuz Four just mentioned Time and himself??? im crackling at Leg's face "my guy you forgot someone" now thinking better abt it Legend didn't tell anyone abt the bunny thing appart of Twi and Sky, so it makes sense they not knowing he already found out

It makes sense that he didn't wanted to show his wolf form to them at the start, he can't just go "hey guys look i can turn into a wolf *cool shadow transformation* AUUUUUUUUUU-" and not freak them out.

and i find a little amusing Wind wanting a confirmation, he wants to make sure that now there's not fractures between each other's trust. They still got their secrets, yeah, but he still wanted to at least hear that theyre cool about this one

Twi almost died, and the only reason that he's still breathing is because of them, obviously he will trust them now.

my poor guy has been working so hard, being the emotional support dog in the group together with big brother duty is exhausting

still makes me laugh that nobody really made 2+2 and realised that it was a little suspicious that every time Wolfie was there Twi was patrolling. They really share the name Link huh

Wolves are beautiful but dangerous animals, they are strong and usually agressive to invasors, makes sense to hide something that makes people run away from you. You might be able to defend them, but they will only pay back with scared glances

ohhh i would really love to see this! Wild already knew Twilight, well, future Twilight. He saw the giant dog wandering around and thought "hey i know him thats the strange wolf! hey hiii buddyyy" this guy really

love them trying to explain time shenanigans. keep it up buddy. you know basic math you can do this.

the rest of them talking abt the wolf thing while here my man fighting with the gps

Wild you already established your point calm down

Something that i and a lot of people noticed: Wars seems more relaxed, the past updates he was at the verge of screaming at the void. Now here he is, bothering his brother. Happy Warriors is back!

See the only thing he needed was his emotional support scarf back

if i had a coin every time a character hide their true identity in the zelda series i would have 16 coins, which is a lot considering that i thought it would be just 5 or 6 times what the hell

oh i know that look. He has already an idea of what wars menat with that, he has already experienced the same situation

Four doesn't fully approve the use of shadow magic yet. He remembers someone that because of that lost himself in the power. What if this happends too with Twi? How will they handle that situation? His mind is already too noisy just with thinking it a little

He hopes they will not have to confront the consecuences of dark magic's abuse

i remember that someone said Wolfie looks weaker, and honestly i agree

im not sure if this is the case, but if it is i wouldn't be surprised. He looks thinner, his fur more tangled and less flat

Still fluffy boy, tho

AND NOW. the panels that made me laugh for some weird reason/i liked a lot without any comments of why

art at its peak as always

(art credits goes towards @linkeduniverse as always!)

[toonfanatic08]

do u have any headcanons for ickis questionmark

slams the fucking door open

the question is not do i , but its…. how many do i have ;-) keep in mind that aahhh!!! real monsters is a very intense special interest of mine so its extremely personal to me. because of that, my HCs are also personal interpretation and may not be everyone's cup of tea. my experiences inform my perception of media, and thereby i will probably have a lot of biases. please dont make fun of me yall im paranoid as shit clears throat dramatically

look at him... he means everything to me... <3

autistic

so i am an avid autistic "ickis is autistic" truther. i want a fanfic where he gets diagnosed with the monster equivalent of autism and if nobody here will do it, well nelly i may just Do It Myself ! a lot of the stuff the gromble shits on him for, and much of what he is ostracized for by others is actually autistic traits if you look closely. warning this can make you see the show in a MUCH different light. i literally was not the same after i realized it. it kind of makes it about an autistic creature experiencing ableism and being victim blamed for it. story of my life :')

sensory issues. in season 2's "rosh-o-monster," he's quickly overstimulated by the opera singer in the theater theyre in. same season's "mayberry ufo", the harsh rocking of the carriage theyre on clearly stresses him out too.

in the season 2 episode "the ickis box", he develops a hyperfixation on televisions and building one. he also shows an example of stimming in this episode too with the way he starts grooving relentlessly to the television music in the beginning. there's even this quote here:

Ickis: I couldn't help it. I was swept away! It was all so magnificent. (from ahh real monsters wiki, linked later in this document!) i must also mention it's punk/rock music! again! this adds proof to my headcanon that he would probably be a punk enjoyer.

this was pointed out by another tumblr post headcanoning this too but at some point he even says " i wish i was a better judge of character." this is from the season 3 episode "cement heads", in which he's taken advantage of by the taffy gang to break them out of their gargoyle state. the post is here! i credit lots of my opinions to that because the media literacy is excellent here and it gave me Many ideas i did not think of initially.

this, secondly, was also borrowed from the tumblr post. he seems to have a budding possible special interest in human culture. i want to cite these episodes, "hats off", again "the ickis box", "into the woods", in which he even reached out to a human for help (bradley). and "monster blues", in which he develops a bond with a blind man. he seems to have like this general curiosity for stuff concerning it and whatnot. time and time again, hes shown to be the most open to the idea of humans even though his society is not.

this was thirdly also pointed out by the tumblr post. motor skill issues, which can be attributed to problems with proprioception. but i can cite an additional example. [the ep where he like has his foot run over by a car when trying to scare two teenagers. i can't remember the title. my source is: trust me bro. i will edit this when i figure out which one it was]

this is an obscure trait but he has a unique form of vocal tone. it could be called hyperexpressive vocal prosody. or a "sing-songy" tone. i like to attribute his expressiveness to autism as well.

he has had many moments in the series that resemble meltdowns/panic attacks.

different types of stimming as well. throughout the series he tends to pace back and forth, pull on his ears, or makes squeaks and voice cracks.

there is also echolalia present. here is a particular example… in the end of "wake me up when it's over", in which this exchange happens:

Oblina: Ickis, did you eat this skanky stuff? Ickis: Yes, I ate this skanky stuff. Oblina: Well, no wonder you have been sleep-scaring! Ickis: Well, no wonder I've been sleep-scaring! Oblina: And now you should be fine. Ickis: And now I should be fi… Is there an echo in here? (~transcript exerpt from here.)

overall my mind is obsessed with how well it depicts autism for me personally. like he depicts how i was my whole life, being blamed for things i can't really control. i cannot express enough how much ickis means to me as a character. because it means that again as i mentioned at the beginning, the stuff he gets ostracized for is autistic traits, it makes the story so tragic and fucked up when u think about it like this. it means everything to me and i cannot stop thinking about it.

adhd

interest-based attention and cognition. easily distracted and tends to procrastinate (literally transient throughout the series. his common procrastination and seeking for shortcuts on assignments, etc. its a rather common source of plot in the show.)

impulsivity. such as in "this is your brain on ickis."

rejection-sensitive dysphoria such as in season 2 episodes "monster blues", "spontaneously combustible", and other similar episodes. RSD is often associated with autism, adhd, and other types of conditions. i may add more adhd symptoms onto this if i find them when i rewatch the cartoon

generalized anxiety disorder, with panic attacks

in the NICKsclusive aahh!! real monsters interview, he was canonically described by his voice actor (charlie adler) as "neurotic", which is from the outdated psychological term "neurosis". it denotes symptoms of stress or mood disturbance. in colloquial use signifies a rather anxious, obsessive, or nervous person. i just thought this was interesting so i included it here.

his frequent anxiety and worries, especially in the earlier seasons. as generalized anxiety disorder is transient worry across many things in life, (i myself have it!)

okay ! now these next headcanons have less substantial proof than the others.

gender. orientation things

non-binary . he/they/it/xe. possibly also genderfluid or boyflux. again once again in "monster blues", he literally states "i'm not a boy, i'm a monster!". there are times where the show actually uses both masculine AND neutral titles for him. as for orientation i am not entirely sure. maybe bisexual or just queer?

miscellaneous

he would be punk if he had more exposure to it! in the episode with the punk/rock band (there is a clip of it online but i cant remember the name of the episode,) he clearly enjoys the music and is grooving relentlessly. also, the previous example i mentioned of the episode "the ickis box", too.

he would listen to dead kennedys and sex pistols absolutely. i dont know a Lot of punk bands though, so maybe i will add onto this once i listen to more.

i also feel like he would enjoy motorhead, megadeth, and possibly probably deftones and insane clown posse but i could be projecting haha. maybe classics like elvis as well. no i am totally projecting :') okay um that's some of my major ones. i am very autistic this is just over a thousand words. help.

[moliathh]

About Alucard calling Integra Count as an equal, there is a post about that:

https://www.tumblr.com/goblins-riddles-or-frocks/754469568832028672/to-be-fair-it-looks-like-theyre-just-directly?source=share

Oh thank you for sharing the post!

I personally think whether it was Count or Countess, the meaning does not change. How does changing the gender of a title change the validity. Integra holds "Sir" title (which I think, is a translator thing, she used "卿" not "サー", I don't know Japanese, this was brought up in this post, if someone have something to talk about it please inform me) and she still holds all the authority and validity that comes with the title.

Not to mention, Pip used "Mon cher" with Seras (In the English dub). I do not speak French, but according to Quora, and another friend of mine mentioned to me, "Mon cher" is to address a male acquaintance, while to addressing a female acquaintance, "Ma chère". But it does not change the context of it. Pip does love Seras, not just as a comrade but as a romantic partner. Can't two counts love each other anymore what are we homophobic???

And I want to add a detail because i didnt see much people mentioning this. Firstly, I could not for the life of me find any record not a transcript nor video footage of the interview. But I had been looking through a discussion on Wikipedia (yes it is not a reliable source but what else do we have)

This page had discussions about a statement the author had made about the relationship of Alucard and Integra.

There are two points that I collected from this that would be relevant to the topic.

First point, I will assume it was made by someone who did not ship or like Alucard x Integra, so it is guaranteed that this isnt a biased statement:

Ok, This is Demon Rin here (I was mentioned below) what was said at the Panel was, and I am NOT going with "My" Translation on this, this is also what the Official Translator Said. the Fan Asked what kind of relationship they had, and he said "Master and Servant", that was it, he said no more. the Translator translated it as such. Then, the room went silent. Nobody Said ANYTHING, and then he added as a joke "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed" to get a laugh out of the audience, and Again, that is EXACTLY what the translator said. NOTHING was aid about love, it was "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed". It was simply reworded by AxI fans who WANTED it to be love, so they just kinda heard it how they wanted to.

This statement had been argued against by another user, right under it, but before going to it, let's talk about what Hirano had said according to the first user's words. "But I guess Twisted relationships like that can be allowed". We have to look at things in a context, we cannot just nitpick that it is "relationship" not "love" so it isnt romantic aligned? Especially when the ENTIRE sentence was THAT.

Let's remove the "Twisted relationships/love" thing

"I guess it can be allowed".

What does that sound like? If a relationship is purely professional and platonic? Like the relationship between Integra and Seras? Would it ever be put into questions whether it was "allowed" or not? And if we think it is "forbidden" because it was an alliance between a vampire and a hunter, it is clearly not? Integra and Seras's relationship of mutual respect and trust and allyship of the two were never questioned of its validity. The Queen herself did not express opposition against Hellsing's allyship with vampires, and the Knights aren't visibly against it neither. The idea that vampires and hunters cannot be allies is an opinion, not a fact, especially in the setting of Hellsing. So, if not the allyship? Then what? What is the forbidden aspect of their relationship ??? That was never brought to question between them and any other characters??? GUESS

Even if you removed the (presumably) undefined factor that is the exact word Hirano had used to refer to ("relationship" or "love"), the insinuation is STILL THERE. But that is in the context of this discussion as I have not seen the interview myself so this is all based on assumption from the information pieces that I've collected. I could be entirely wrong. I honestly don't know which informations in this discussion is real. Everyone seems to have their own point, as well as I does, but take my opinions with a grain of salt. I am even more unreliable than the users in the discussion as I have not been there nor have i seen the interview.

The second point, which in my opinion isnt as strong as the first point, because one, I haven't heard of this information from anywhere except this discussion, and while I have not seen anyone debunking it yet, I have to repeat again that I DID NOT see the interview, all of what im mentioning here are collected from the discussion alone, which couldve been different from the interview. And two, I said it is not as strong because the user who brought this up seems to be in support of Alucard x Integra. I do not think your shipping preference will always affect your perception, but a pro-Alutegra information from a hater is definitely 100% valid, while a pro-Alutegra info from a shipper MIGHT not hold the same percentage of validity. Again, I am not implying that anyone is lying, but just keep the mindset that a statement might be affected by the speaker's bias, intentionally or not:

Funny enough because that girl who asked was in the BOH forums briefly and told a different story that Hirano had assured her in the signing after that there could be "something going on" between them.

If anyone had more informations on that information, confirmation or debunking it please please share I appreciate it very much and thank you in advance and thank you everyone for coming to my ted yap.

[poltergeist-coffee]

Kidnapping²

Tubbo can't be stopped

Yeah, TMA looks cool, I have no idea if what the entities are but it sounds cool as hell

Philza really looked at us and asked "is anybody gonna give them depression?" And didn't wait for an answer

But yeah, Cellbit probably just wanted to help to decorate spawn, you guys don't that for Halloween?We don't have Halloween on Brazil, we don't know how it works/j

I can understand you about being shy about ships, but like, for almost anything I do

But dw, nobody is going to judge you pacman duo is fun, be it platonic or romantic

The question is: why not like pacman duo?

But about the gods of qsmp...

I think Kristin's desing is a mutual consent

Black veil in a hat, a lot of purple

But she deserves the galaxy aesthetic, it looks really cool and pretty and I think it fits the whole goddess of death vibe

And Mine, well, first I want to talk about cc Mike because he has pink hair like her and I think is cute they match:)

I don't know, but everytime I try to imagine her I aways think about some sort of sun aura if that even makes sense

I imagine those dress that are kinda loose but have something tying the waist and without sleeves that are hold by... That ring around on the neck? (Does that make sense? I'm currently can't find any image to help me) and maybe some gold bracelets? I dunno when I think of her I imagine pink, white and gold(because I think it matches with pink)

But I think that she wears a ring with a creeper face carved on it that Mike gave her :)

I've seen some Kari's designs where she has a lantern but I not quite sure for the rest

I've seen some HC that she's the goddess of the impossible, wich... Makes thing kinda hard for me at least

Like, what's is something that would fit that criteria?

The most I have is that I think she would wears braids, like those really intricated and complex braids because I think they are pretty

Taking advantage of the fact that we are talking about the gods of the qsmp to return to the subject of the Cellbit's discord

I think they are some sort of being with -how know how many - thousands? Minds

The chaos and, well, discord of so many minds crashing with different ideas and thoughts not aligned with human morals

Thinking about how would they look is kinda fun, like, how many faces could a creature like this have? Would them even be something the human mind would be able to process? Or it would collapse by simply seeing someone like that?

I think fictional religions and gods are fun to think about

- 🍽️

ramblings below vv

tried to draw some of the ideas you had :3c this one above is a drawing of Mine i did before. it’s inspired by her mc skin which is very pink, i think that’s one of the ways you’d be able to tell when she’s possessing mike because his skin will turn pink like hers and one of his pupils will also change to look like a flower/star!!

i think because for a while kari was faceless she wouldn’t have a very distinct face as a goddess? or like it’s always changing so she never looks the same because she’s like “impossible” so it’s always changing but the one thing that’s the same about her is her colors (lots of red and yellows) and that she has very intricate braiding in her hair. i also think she has like a billion hands. they don’t have to be connected to her but sort of like a biblically accurate angel she has a billion hands sort of floating around her at all times lol

YEES I LOVE FICTIONAL RELIGION/GODS THEYRE SUPER FUN TO THINK ABOUT!! on another server i liked they made Prime a god (like Prime subs on Twitch) because one of the members said it so much which i thought was really fun. Prime was like the common god/religion on that server

anyways cellbits discord!! i think it would be cool if it was like shadows? just like darkness that surrounds someone but if yiu look and listen closely enough you can hear a billion different voices and eyes watching you, especially if you’re doing puzzles then it’s way easier to spot them. they’re not able to take on many forms because there’s just so many of them as one “being” so unless they can all agree they stay as just shadows.

[canthelps]

Summer North's incredibly personal Fouth Album-A Little More Time- is OUT NOW! listen here

Happy Birthday @lcvewaslcst

Song explanations under the cut

The Alcott (The National and Taylor Swift)

summer wrote this after the meeting with their lawyers and going to the bar together. its the surprise that molly still wants anything to do with her, about how difficult it is for her to be with her after she knows shes hurt her so much. she doesnt want to get ahead of herself, because she still thinks that shes unworthy of mollys love. “how many times will i do this and you’ll still believe?”

Sunshine Baby (The Japanese House)

written while they were starting to get back together. shes worried that shes gonna fuck it up again but all she wants is just to be back with her wife and its all she can focus on. she just wants life to be easier “well ive gone a little crazy, surely someones gonna save me. i dont know whats right anymore, i dont wanna fight anymore”

I Love You but I Need Another Year (Liza Anne)

much darker sound, written in the depths of the break up. about how she broke up with molly because of her own mental health. she doesnt know how to deal with her mind. “you’re sticking around but how can you stand it? I can’t salvage your mind while im losing mine. and nobody should have to deal with this. but i need you i dont wanna leave you” Also a sick song live because she gets to show off her guitar skills and headbang. probs a fan favourite live. the whole thing sounds like a panic attack

Emily I’m Sorry (Boygenius)

Called Molly I’m Sorry (obviously). An apology song to molly, pretty obvious. she’s sorry for what she did. she shouldn’t have done it. she loves her too much. written a few weeks after the lawyer meeting/the bar. summer coming to terms that she could come back “im twenty seven and i dont know who i am but im becoming someone only you could want”

A Little More Time (Role Model)

Is about summer struggling being in LA, far away from her home and family. Molly is the only thing holding her to LA, so when they break up she doesn’t quite know how to feel about it. Its about her realising that the only thing that will make her love LA again is being with Molly. “in a city with no seasons, in a house thats not a home….am i permanently broken, or is it just the sunshine blues?”

Bad Idea (Girl In Red)

They hooked up while broken up. its literally just about that. they should not be booty calling each other when theyre broken up and trying to figure things out but they do. its a banger and the fans love it. summer wasn’t sure about putting it on the album bc it makes it sound like she cheated. but she and molly both know thats not true and thats all that matters. also the use of darling links back to the previous album

Big Star (Lorde)

another song about how she doesn’t deserve molly. summer does refer to herself as a cheater in this song but once again she never cheated on molly! just a lovely song about how amazing molly is and how much summer loves her. ignore that the original is about a dog. its romantic. “toss up if its worth it every time i get on a plane. i’ve got so much to tell you and not enough time to do it in” was probably written before the break up. when her downwards spiral was starting

Not Strong Enough (Boygenius)

I DONT KNOW WHY I AM THE WAY I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR MAN. literally its just summers mental issues getting in the way of her being happy lmao who can relate! was written on the same day as sunshine baby bc shes what? TALENTED.

Gemini Moon (Renee Rapp)

another song about how summer believes she is actually the worst!! anxious avoidant attachment who? no its just her gemini moon. “i bet youre sick of it, believe me so am i….but really i should just be better to you” honestly this one is a maybe for the album but ive been working on this playlist for months and i want to get it done

Anti-Hero (Taylor Swift but the Keaton Henson Version)

do i really need to say it? its me hi im the problem its me?

Everything (Muna)

shes helplessly in love with molly and everything is about her even when theyre broken up. was written deep in the break up when all she could think about was her wife “four hundred and counting and my only question is how would you feel if one was me. would you wish we made love again, would you want to revisit the marks on my skin, cause the world could be burning and all id be thinking is how are you doing baby”

Show Up (Samia)

its a song for her fans, about how no matter whats going on in her life she will always show up and perform for them as long as they still want her to

[iamyelling]

one of the things that i think contributes to issues in like tech like what is being discussed a lot regarding tumblr proposing strange changes and not addressing existing issues. is that the people working on the product are at work, they also have their careers, they see themselves as an individual with goals and aspirations - now of course this isn't a bad thing to see oneself as an individual with aspirations duh don't be ridiculous. but we as users have to remember these people are like clocking in to their jobs. and at that job, they want and need to do good, perform well, maybe they care about the product. at work, their leaders are talking about what the priorities are, what to focus on, what types of things are celebrated and rewarded and what is considered lowly and grunt work and for junior workers. from what i understand, it is generally prioritized and praised to have new ideas, make new things, to have things to show. whereas fixing old existing issues is far less glamorous and sexy and fun. the saying and philosophy is "move fast and break things" and it ends there, there's no third part that says to fix things at the end! the mindset of "just do things! just try things! figure the rest out later! get it to testing!" so this is how we get these ideas proposed that to us users feel bizarre and like nobody asked for it, while we know there is a huge backlog of other issues to address. maybe they are on teams, with instructions to focus specifically on certain things. other things that to users are a high priority, are not prioritized in the company. thats how we get the wacko tumblr live and buggy videos in the mobile app.

tumblr is (reportedly) in a "how do we stay running" crisis. they feel they gotta throw anything at the wall and see what sticks. thats the mindset theyre in, clearly. perhaps if they're open to anything, they could devote resources to the things we are pointing out that would make the user experience better, at a higher caliber. those things would bring in higher caliber users and content.

not defending whats going on, to be clear. actually i'm complaining. i think this is frustrating and annoying and stupid and i certainly expect them to do better. they are not a small scrappy startup. look at the linkedin it's not a small team. plus theyre owned by automattic.

i think the excuses of like.. oh well that's a content moderation problem i want to work on making shiny new features because that's fun and sexy!! are annoying. you don't get to pick what is your biggest issue as a user by what the internal departments are for the company. users don't separate out their complains along corporate office department lines. they are just issues that we have when using your product. it's your job as the company to figure out the prioritization, not mine. it's your job to listen to the feedback and process it and think about what impacts these things have on the way people use and experience the product. think about what the strategy is and what impact a new feature will have, what impact fixing an existing problem is, how significant is this issue and what types of users will it impact, how will it impact the ways the product is currently used? that's your JOB. obviously the communication around ideation is a BIT messy on tumblr ..... idk sometimes the ideas just don't make sense or are born out of feedback that is insignificant. it just feels like the things that get picked up and what gets ignored or deprioritized or backlogged don't always make sense to users, or even seem to show bias and harm

[trickstarbrave]

after playing morrowind (im not finished i am just too exhausted to play rn) i am just overwhelmed with the desire to take a hammer to skyrim, rip it up, and build smth new

i dont hate the setting of skyrim. i dont hate the main ideas behind it. i just think it was done dirty by oversimplification of the plot progression. the way it is structured and written feels like it presumed the player is a lazy moron incapable of thinking things through or making choices. there is rarely ever 2 ways to solve a problem. not to mention it is mostly annoying dungeon crawling with little justification. just go to this nordic tomb and get this thing. only exceptions are thieves guild and dark brotherhood missions only because it would make less than 0 sense. but the mages college? main story? BARDS COLLEGE? dungeon crawling baby hope you arent fucking sick of draugar by now bc you’ll be seeing a bunch of them. most of the time in morrowind i wasn’t in random dungeons or caves. people sent me to track down other people, solve problems for them. you can wipe out a mine or you can extort money from the owner. you can talk your way out of problems. in some sections you can kill ppl annoying you who wont name you horator.

some suggestions i have to make skyrim feel more alive and complex (under the cut bc i wrote too much) based on now other elder scrolls games so i know these things arent impossible or never occurred to anyone at bethesda:

>reputation and disposition should come back. why are these random ppl answering all my questions? if im a nobody except named dragonborn by some monks in a monastery no one really does to, why does anyone give a shit i say stop the civil war?

>much like the nerevarine, people don’t believe you are dragonborn right off the bat. hell, even if they DO, that doesn’t make you THE dragonborn. many dragonborns have exists. you claiming to be one more so makes you a potential problem for politics--the empire could be weary of you trying to drum up support to overthrow the empire, something they DONT NEED. the monks meanwhile ask you to do a VARIETY of spiritual tasks before they will begin training you. gather artifacts not just in tombs. go to various locations around the world. after every shout they teach you they don’t just give you a tutorial but then set you on a clear task to use it. maybe i need to go find a fox that is an avatar of lorkhan, or travel to that tree to speak to kyne. and even after they name you dragonborn, see above, not everyone is going to agree with their judgement or necessarily care. but also if you DO prove yourself, you could gain a lot of respect and reputation around various factions. this would also incentivize exploring instead of just fast traveling to your next dungeon.

>a dragon cult that isn’t undead as an overworld faction. im sick and tired of all dragons being mindless killing machines with few exceptions. im sick of all the dragon cultists being basically zombies and liches. if theyre a real threat, they should have a bigger presence. dragons taking over towns and small settlements where there are acting priests or priests in training. cultists taking people captive. draugar waking from their tombs and wandering into town to kill people. make them a third player in the ‘civil war’. maybe some dragons ruling these towns dont even kill you on sight--to them you are a weak little baby dragon who poses no threat. the soul of a human in a weak, fragile body who does not understand what true power you could attain, a pitiful creature who doesn’t even know flight or the full extent of their knowledge. they are sentient beings with their own culture and ideas after all. and the cultists could have a very real motivations for joining like being fed up with both the empire AND stormcloaks, or not wanting to be the next helgen.

>i actually liked morrowind’s dialogue system ngl. i understand the limitations of a fully verse voice cast, but they already reuse voices and dialogue. i wish we could just ask more conversation topics and get more varied answers. weird responses from npcs made interacting with characters more memorable and enjoyable than a basic stupid fetch quest. caius being like “uhhh you’re starting to scare me” when i questioned him about my weird dreams made it feel like we were actually having a conversation and i was asking questions not just “this is scripted dialogue and i am basically a story prop with no thoughts or feelings” like i often get in skyrim (with a few exceptions)

>more weird shit. frankly we just need more weird shit in skyrim. i wanna see funny in jokes or weird things that add depth. there is no scamp serving drinks or a sheogorath cultist that only meows. no woman on the side of the road who fell in love with the rogue that robbed her and begs me to reunite them. i want more intentionally weird things. no necrophiliac saying “im not a necrophiliac BUT what is the punishment if you were one lol”. no town based off of lovecraft’s work in the middle of nowhere. the elder scrolls series used to have SO MANY weird things in it and frankly those were the best parts.

>the blades should be introduced later. I think, as annoying as it might be, you should only be contacted by Delphine when you have enough reputation in the world. she’s supposed to be a cautious woman. why leave a note like that in a random tomb and then have you do a test AFTER revealing she’s a blade basically. she holds the key to moving forward, only after you do various tasks for her that you then realize only after the fact was gathering up various blades members who are in hiding. i know the network is being hunted down, but i think there should be more than like. 2. give us some people pretending to be crazy skooma junkies, or people who have integrated themselves into various jarls’ courts. she seems like a random innkeeper with a penchant for archaeology and might have secrets of the dragons you’re looking for, asking you to deliver mail in exchange for some information, but in reality you’re contacting her allies she hasn’t been able to speak with out of fear because by this point she thinks you won’t be killed by the thalmor very easily or are a plant for them.

>breaking into the thalmor embassy should just be redone or have multiple ways of going about it tbh. i can also be the most stealthy person alive literally invisible yet the thalmor just fucking know i am a spy and they have captured my accomplice so it doesnt matter if i hack and slash my way out of there or not. so it just feels like a lazy way of trying to be interesting while giving you basically nothing they couldnt have done another way. all you learn is esbern is alive and the thalmor have manipulated ulfric against his will for their own agenda and dont know shit about dragons. why would they EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE DRAGONS I DONT GET IT. it doesnt make the thamlor seem more intimidating, doesn’t teach us anything about their goals, nothing.

>furthermore the blades’ motivations and history should be told more clearly. after the septims they basically refused to directly serve the emperor apparently. but their spy network was still there for 170 years???? they still served in the army???? why do the thalmor wanna hunt them down if they don’t seem to like the current empire either. i know its to fuck over the empire and tie them in like previous games but the blades were already a cool intelligence gathering faction living covertly among the people to monitor various powers for the benefit of the empire and emperor. if they are a threat to the thalmor still, why have them have a fall from grace prior to this? why are they even still working for the empire? if anything they should have been using this dynasty’s imperial family as puppet rulers after the whole oblivion gates thing. see above: even if the thalmor have been hunting them i find it hard to believe there are only fucking 2 left. the blades were pervasive in the empire. most having been wiped out doesnt leave only 2 left. there should be more. enough to give them weight.

>redo the mages guild entirely. and most faction guild questlines but ESPECIALLY mages guild. bring back needing a staff. rising in ranks bc you had to do things for the guild and work at it and level up your skills. how am i archmage when i know like 5 spells? what??? i also think there should be more outposts for the college across skyrim. “but the nords hate magic” well having more mages around would certainly show that more wouldn’t it???? have there be tension still. random mages hating being assigned outside the college bc nords are assholes. preferring places close to the border or solitude where they are less in the heartland of nord pride. there being shut down mages guild buildings in some areas left abandoned.

>bigger guilds. bigger towns. i dont need daggerfall sized cities but at least oblivion or morrowind sizes. yknow. just bigger. i feel like we were allowed stuff like guild outposts bc of the town sizes. whiterun does not feel like a hub of trade. its rarely even mentioned despite it being a key point of the civil war both sides want for that reason.

>more settlements and places. vvardenfell is smaller than skyrim. why is there more shit to do. more places to be with more variety and interest. fix that too

>civil war needs to be redone in the fact there is frankly nothing to do. use the camps and outposts. have us clear out bandits to make a new base. negotiate trade. escort caravans that carry supply. take out smuggling operations. spy on the other side using their armor. we have bits of this with taking out agents and stealing papers but i want More. also ideally have different play-styles incorporated into it like you can be an archer, or steal and gather intelligence, or even just different ways to solve the same problems. maybe you threaten someone selling supplies to the other side, or kill them, or destroy their business, or convince them not to. you burn enemy fields so their troops have less food in a really fucked up battle system, or you can refuse those orders if you find them morally repugnant and either get punished for it or have to find a work around through another commanding officer who gives you an alternative. consciously make the choice to just follow orders or think through your actions and refuse. war is ugly and some sides will do anything to win. wouldnt it be interesting to fight dirty one playthrough and the next choose to try and only fight fair and just?

>i know some characters must die because the plot has demanded it. but frankly i feel it is overused sometimes. mages guild, companions, etc. you are promoted bc everyone else died or whatever. can i save them even if i like them as characters? no. nothing i can do can change that for them, even if them being alive could very well be possible and interesting. exception to this is the woman abt to be murdered in markarth when you walk in. why CANT i save skjor if i am fast enough. why cant my choices effect if the arch mage dies or not. it doesnt matter what i do or how fast i do it, they die, so whats the point of trying to do it different ways or try harder. see above for how you always get caught along with your accomplice when breaking into the embassy. it just robs the player of agency. their choices, performance, play style, and skills don’t matter. they will always be arbitrarily rewarded or punished in the linear narrative the devs have decided to make things as simple as possible bc every day people cant make choices and think things through or accept consequences of their actions they might have to live with. they cant want to craft their own narrative, it needs to be as simple as possible, people only like simple things.

if i think of more i can add more but most of these things have core issues behind them that i think if addressed could fix large swaths of issues.

[steelycunt]

ridi ridi hiiii !!! how are youuu how was yr dayyy i started mine off by rereading yr otiofad ficc did you know every sentence in it is a masterpiece did you know every word is like worthy of an auditoriumesque applause now yk i wanted to ask you to talk about that particular bit tho (if you wouldn't mind ofc !!) where sirius slams the book shut on an insect bc it's sooo like it's sooo !! it reads like premonition and also like r can't help but be wary of s and s can't help but be just like capable of harm regardless of intention & carelessly and i think it's sooo genius I think yr soooo genius for that and if you have more to say abt what that bit meant to youu + process of writing it + foreshadowing you wanted to get across w it etc. etc. i would be vv interested to hear <333 mwah love you loads xx

hello my lovely omg!!! my day was GOOD actually surprisingly good i am recovering from my illnesses and i played badminton and ate tangerines it was a very content day!! how was yours!! also warning you now in advance i wrote way too long a reply to this. like WAY too long NOBODY needed this im so sorry!! the very final paragraph provides like a little tl;dr you DO NOT need to read the essay that is under the cut!! im so sorry!!

okay firstly the idea that someone would not only read one of my little stories but read it more than once?? crazy actually!! insane!! so glad that it could be a part of ur morning n i would love to talk abt it!! hang on opening it in a new tab rn let me remember what it was i actually wrote huh lol

firstly with the flashback scenes in otiofad in general they had to serve two different purposes. they obviously needed to show the intense love and intimacy between the boys prior to The Incident, in order to juxtapose the post-prank scenes and serve as a marker for measuring the size of the rift in their relationship that its caused (which is why theres lots of kissing and cuddling and cloying monologues in the flashback scenes), but at the same time they had to demonstrate the little parts of their relationship which are a little bit fucked! a little bit unhealthy and obsessive. and they had to portray sirius as a person who has the capacity to do what he ends up doing. i didnt want to accidentally work against myself by over-idealizing their relationship to the point where it became difficult to believe sirius could be so thoughtless as to do what he does. like if ive just made you read fifteen hundred words of him being the Best Boyfriend Ever and then switch to him begging forgiveness for an attempted murder, his character becomes a little disjointed, and i really wanted it to feel like you're consistently reading the same people, just in very different circumstances. so the flashbacks very much needed to stress their intensity rather than their health as a couple.

im definitely roaming beyond the parameters of your question (but i promise it all circles back xx) but some of the sort of. i dont want to say red flag as much as cause for concern moments that i tried to include especially in the flashbacks include for instance: [Sirius says that sort of thing often, and with a confidence that Remus cannot ever fathom. Good god, how he would like to ask Sirius, them or me, that or me, and never fear the answer.] in the first scene, because i think remus' low self-esteem and his insecurity definitely affects their relationship + how he perceives it, which isn't anyone's fault as much as it is just them being young and imperfect like. theyre like sixteen here nobody had it together when they were sixteen right :-/ you have sirius utterly utterly obsessed with being in love with remus declaring that he doesnt want anything else from life and he's. sixteen years old. he's got no idea. like its that sort of rashness and impulsivity when he's speaking and acting which ends up fucking him over :-/

TO GET BACK to the bit you actually asked about (im so sorry for how long this is <3) the part where he closes the book on the spider. i mean honestly ur interpretation in the ask is pretty spot on!! its another one of the little stitches in the flashback scenes that sort of...slightly changes/sobers/brings the tone back down the reality a little, after theyve spent most of the scene cuddling and kissing etc. i'd already sort of tried (and i want to emphasise try at every point in this answer sfdghsh because i am not necessarily claiming that any of this was necessarily successful lol) to show sirius' capacity for being rash and obsessive, and the spider moment was just this tiny act of unnecessary, arguably cruel? violence that was meant to be jarring against the very over-sweet and gentle affection he's just shown remus. and although theyre acts of violence on such different scales, he gives just as much thought to sending snape to the willow as he does to squashing the spider. one of the things about sirius that i love soooo much is his relationship with violence and the way his anger translates into violence and cruelty (which remus mentions in the final scene when he says “You’ve got to stop being the kind of person who hurts people when they’re angry.”). its why hes SO fun to write angry because his anger is so distinctive lol. so the spider moment is just meant to serve as a little reminder of this random, mindless aggression that sirius carries around with him and that exists in tandem with all the affection we've seen him show remus, who starts in surprise when sirius slams the book shut. (i'll let u in on a super little fun (or not) fact that in my head when i was writing it i always drew a little parallel between the twitching insect leg thats left on the page and the similarly uncomfortable sensation of the eyelash that remus feels scratching his own eye immediately afterwards. thats not necessarily meant to come across n i expect it doesnt because i didnt develope the idea...at all...but in my head they were always a little linked teehee like even sirius' smallest acts of violence still have an effect on remus somehow xx)

but yeah!! apologies i didnt think this would be such a long explanation for a simple question fbhsdfhs im very embarrassed by this but like!! in short the spider was another little jarring moment designed to tether the version of sirius you get in the flashback to the version you get in the post-prank scenes, because ultimately he's the same guy with the same flaws both before and after the prank!! there was no reason for him to kill the spider like that and thats why hes so fucked. it was just his instinctive response to seeing it there.

[skullcrusher-mountainn]

ok ok i want to start this one out by talking about the guitar. which absolutely fucking completes this song. id have to say that this is the absolute opposite of 'nobody loves you like me', (though the way i perceive the meanings is similar) with the loud guitar being clearly distinguished from the gentle, borderline accapella of nobody loves you like me.

"On the day she finally left me, she left one thing behind."

this line portrays the idea of somebody leaving, and leaving 'something' behind. that something, of course, being the introject of the person that you have split in your mind.

"Just a small box on the table, that she wanted me to find."

from how im viewing this song, im viewing this as an abuser causing you so much trauma that you split an introject of them. (Though, i also view the song as just . general real person introject forming, whether they meant to hurt you or not. just because i believe the loud sound and frantic panic of the song truly relates to how we feel after forming an introject of a real person.)

with that, im having 'that she wanted me to find', be a sort of-they meant to cause damage, sort of thing. if that makes sense?

"There was something bad inside it. It was something that I should have left alone."

by finding out about this fellow you now share a brain with, you've basically opened pandora's box. you may have many, many regrets, but you can never go back. and there's no cure for the disorder, so its not like you can just. make them go away. theyre there. forever. and you may regret finding out about them. (even if they are a really nice person in the end. you may still feel wretched about having formed them. again <333 i love the introjects in our system. you guys mean the world to me.)

with the first line of this lyric, 'there was something bad inside it'. that being either an introject of somebody whos hurt you or just. a close friend/family member. you may feel as though. you should have never found out. and that you regret knowing at all!

"Now, everything is standing still."

this line is definitely showing the emotional reaction to splitting this person. (whether that be fear, regret, discomfort, sadness, panic, anger, etc) you're stuck in place, wondering where it all went wrong. or perhaps wondering if you're actually just faking it to make a pity party for yourself. or the thought of 'why me?' rights through your brain. or anger at the one who caused all of this.

but now, youre just stuck in place, fear, panic, whatever keeping your mouth shut about what youve just experienced.

"It was only my head that made it revolve."

this is the cause of a disorder. you have no control over it. it was only your head that made it revolve! you had no choice in the matter, you didn't want this, you didn't need this (even though, under the circumstances, your brain thought you did.)

this line shows that you have no control, that your mind did this, not you. that you have no say, no choice at all. that its all just.

your mind.

its what the electric flesh in your mind decided was the best course of action in response to the trauma that you experienced.

"Everything was fine until it was awful instead."

you never expect for these things to happen; nor do you want them to. everything is fine, until you find out-and its awful instead!

everything was okay, everything was okay and fine and sure it might have been a little traumatizing, but then you find out that you've formed this person thats hurt you and suddenly-

it is awful instead.

"Now watch me dissolve."

shutting down post realization. completely breaking down and being unable to cope with the fact that you have formed a real person who, whether meant to or not, hurt you terribly. enough to the extent that your brain thought the only way to keep you safe was to form a version of them for whatever reason it did.

"It was mine now, something secret, something precious and rare."

this line shows the experience of realizing that now, there are *two* of this person on the planet. you have something that you must keep secret, somebody that if known about, could bring harm to you or others. and theyre deemed as precious and rare, because. well. no two people are the same. except in these scenarios. where you have your minds recreation of how you viewed someone. or a version of them your mind created to forgive them.

"And then it changed me, and I like it. Now I wish it wasn't there."

being friends with the person whos formed in your mind, because of course, introjects aren't their source. but also feeling a bit guilty for that, and having lots of complicated feelings about it.

"Would you cancel my appointments? Pretty sure I won't be coming in today!"

i believe this is just a general expression of the fear and discomfort of forming an introject. or trying to run away from whats happened.

"It's too late to say I'm sorry, anyway it's not true."

being rightfully angry at those who've hurt you. if you said you were sorry, you'd be lying. and. yknow what? fuck yeah! you dont need to be sorry for splitting, even if it pisses somebody off or hurts them, its never your fault. its just what your mind jumped to in response to what happened.

"There's a small box on the table, and I left it there for you, and I really hope you like it. If you need me I'll be anywhere but here!"

honestly, these last lyrics don't relate to much anything. sure, they could be connected, but, honestly? nah. i'd prefer to just leave it as is. i suppose the lyrics could be a representation of anger and the want for revenge against those who've hurt you, but i'll leave this part up to interpretation.

i had lots of fun doing this, i may add on some more if i feel like it:3

feel free to request in depth interpretations of joco songs if you would like ^_^

OK OK im doing it again guys...who wants to hear me rant about how dissolve relates to forming introjects of real people who have traumatized/and or abandoned you.

[woahajimes]

So I have this little headcanon (well,,,, not really a headcanon but more of a nice-to-think-about headcanon because it would never happen but it’s- like the title- nice to think about so im sharing it here) in which they’re all going to the beach in this sorta mini-van that bruce rented. And take in mind that this is the wayne family, but at the same time most people that wear a bat on their chest,,,, so they had to whack some things up.

BUT ANYWAYS, it was Bruce’s dumbass idea to buy a van and call it a road-trip, and honestly? no one was ready. That usually happens with big families, even with one that has most kids over 18. And how everyone was on board with the idea doesn’t matter because this is my headcanon and they are all now squished in a minivan and there are bags in the back and towels in the seats and there’s a cooler on top because it didn’t fit. 

and just for reference the van was like SMALL. it was sort of like the school buses but way smaller, so they’re like buses in which there are three seats in front, driver, and then like two others (the middle one doesn’t really count because that’s where you put waterbottles and stuff). There’s a sort of space in the back, where you usually put the backpacks (these are like elementary school buses and every single kid has those backpacks with wheels and it’s a pain in the ass-) and then there is another set of four seats (that’s more like a sofa but no armrest- god please have patience there is literally not a single image on google im trying to be specific- and those are facing the back of the bus (so the backrest (?) is facing the place with the bags).

THEN we have another seat that’s close to this one but facing the opposite way but it’s only THREE seats so there’s a space for the next row of three seats and then there’s the back one that’s four again.

In conclusion, you can fit 18-ish people, driver counted. 

and continuing with my story, it’s Bruce driving, Alfred as shotgun, a water-bottle or two in the middle, the bags in their respective places... and then... 

disaster. 

Babs is the only one sitting in the four-seat closer to the bags, harper is in the three-seat, Dick is there as well. 

and then there’s the rest. Steph, Cass, Duke, Jason, Tim, Damian, they’re all screaming in the back and they’re throwing towels around and there’s an “OW! THAT WAS MY HAIR YOU DICKHEAD!” and a “THAT’S MINE!” and so many other things because. the back of the bus, it’s cURSED. And Bruce is just driving with a strained smile because he wants so badly to turn around and throw a waterbottle at each of their heads to get them to shut up (of course, it wouldn’t work because not even god can calm down the back of the bus)

Tim and Jason somehow get into this argument of how tim ‘has no friends’ and Tim shoots back that in fact he DOES, that he’s calling them right this instant. And bruce doesn’t even have a chance to yell at them, because now there’s a speedster and a cloned kryptonian right beside the moving minivan and Bruce is lowkey freaking out because none of them (the ones in the van and the ones out) are wearing their superhero costumes, and then Tim is just with his hands pressed on the window and he’s like practically banging the glass and waving and they can’t hear him but he’s like “HEY! HEY HYE HEY YOU GUYS MADE IT!!!” and then dick is just telling them to cut it out and slow down because you know, identities, and Steph is like HOLY SHIT THEY DID MAKE IT and Damian is just sitting upside down with his legs in the backrest off the seat and Duke is in the same position, making fun of Damian because his feet don’t reach. 

Kon and Bart seem to get the hint because they slow down, but not before bart has literally jumped towards the MOVING VAN and vibrated through (i’m like 99% sure he is able to do that so-) and then he literally landed on Tim (tim actually softened his fall, because Tim’s back literally made a ~crack~ sound by hitting somebody’s knee) and stood up real quick and then started waving and laughing at kon, who was now running normal-speed beside the van. 

And then bruce went FASTER and kon was like WHAT THE HECK OLD MAN and he can’t use his powers so he’s literally running behind the van and bart is laughing his ass off and then tim is like “BRUCE STOP THE VAN!” and then Bart is already calling cassie and telling her what happened and you can hear cassie laughing from over the phone and then Tim is just yelling at bruce in the background. Bruce eventually DOES stop, and Tim opens the door for him and Kon crawls in and Bart’s still laughing, and he’s practically leaning onto Dick and Harper, and they’re squished together and bart’s just laughing on the phone while Kon sits on the really far end of the opposite seat (practically on the door) so he’s the furthest from babs as possible because he’s actually terrified of her. Tim is just sorta awkward because he now realizes that he was a bit TOO excited to see kon, and then the back of the bus/van is staring at them and like what the hell and then Tim goes “who doesn’t have friends, huh?”, and Jason goes ‘pfft’ and he calls roy but he’s spending time with lian; he calls artemis and she goes, “but wasn’t this a family trip? what do you need me for?”, SO jaosn calls bizarro and then he barely answers the phone when bizarro goes “RED HER SAID NO. BYE” so Jason slumps and it’s quiet for a second when steph goes “is that GUM IN MY HAIR”. And then jason laughs and its chaos all over again. (i might make a ‘things that were heard from the back of the road trip bus post bc i have so many ideas oh my god)

and then they are at the beach, the bus barely stops and there’s a few bags thrown out the window, and people yelling at Kon to open the door, and Kon not being able to work under pressure so tim opens it and everyone’s pushing each other and Steph has an uneven strand of hair, because Damian went to ‘extreme measures’ and cut it so now steph’s hair is uneven and they were going to keep cutting it “to make it even” but then Alfred was like “you’re all going to clean the van afterwards so think carefully” and then nobody did anything and there’s literally a ziploc bag with steph’s strand of hair (damian didn’t even cut to where the gum was, he cut even FURTHER but yes, the gum is in the bag). 

As I was saying, they get out of the van, and the bags are out and Bruce has NO IDEA what to do. none. It’s alfred that rents a tent and then Damian’s chasing duke into a random restaurant’s changeroom and showers and then cass is dragging harper that’s dragging steph that’s dragging jason and tim is getting the bags with Kon and bart and bart realizes that he doesn’t  have a swimsuit and then he stops walking and Kon seems to realize too and it’s like OH MAN and they can’t run back (because no powers, rule set by bruce when two super-powered bros came in the bus) and They’ recarrying the bags to this tent (do you guys know what im talking about? i feel like we’re imagining completely different things- it’s this but much more people and there’s a bunch of people selling stuff like sunglasses and doign hair, piercings, tattoos even - for the tattoos thing it’s just promo for an actual shop they don’t tattoo you in the actual beach - ) and It’s literally Kon, tim and bart carrying the bags (which they CAN carry between the three, it’s not like they packed up half the manor) and then a minute later or so Steph is sprinting towards Tim and she’s yelling something Tim can’t understand and then Steph points at her bag (that tim’s carrying) and she screams something like “SAND! HOT!” and then she’s like high-knee-ing/sprinting even faster and Cass is just walking barefoot in the sand, super calm, but she’s got Harper on her back. Damian and Duke are racing towards the shadow (because the sand is cooler there), and next thing you know Jason’s aready in the tent with a coconut. 

And if you haven’t thougth about how the Batfam would be in the beach then let me tell you, you don’t have enough spare time because i know for a FAT FACT that: 

It was Jason that insisted on Bruce buying sand toys (a whole bag, i swear)

Damian tried coconut water, didn’t like it all that much (altho he loves the inside- idk what it’s called but it’s edible i swear)

Bruce put on an excessive amount of sunscreen

Duke has swimming trunks with the robin logo just to piss damian off (also Damian has matching ones but with the batman one)

Steph, Cass and Harper rented a banana boat (here’s a picture) and they dragged Jason and Tim along, just to toss them off in the end 

Jason 1000% got stung by a jellyfish 

Bruce bought like seven friendship bracelets from this guy that made them because they looked deadass cool 

They played beach volleyball and let me tell you Damian can throw a really mean overhand serve (actually, i don’t think you THROW a serve, but like,,, serve one-)

dick got buried in the sand, courtesy of Jason

bart was pissy because he couldn’t go in the water, so he and Kon sprinted with normal speed (they both had water-proof anklets that sucked their powers, so it was REALLY  a no-powers vacation, courtesy of Bruce, again.)

the only ones in stock were neon, and they settled real quick so now theyre sprinting back and cardying a bag of keychains they thought looked rad as hell and now tim caught up to them and all three are practically skipping towards the water

,,,,they forgot to put sunscreen on.... all of them,,, they forgot....

tim made a sand castle

in teams of two (kon/bart, tim/cass, duke/harper, steph/jason, dick/damian) got on each other shoulders and basically spent five minutes trying to see who would be the last team standing, splashing water everywhere and stuff

first team to go down was Dick and damian, because steph pushed damian and by trying to keep himself on Dick's shoulders, damian accidentally poked dick's eye (sort of CLAWED in so you know what i mean).

second team to go down was steph and jason, because damian doesnt play fair and so he swam down and literally just scratched Jason's ankle, knowing damn well that the jellyfish sting was there. Jaosn shrieked and steph lost her balance. so much for vigilantes at night with stealth and talent, huh.

third team to go down was tim and bart because kon insisted on being on bart’s shoulders and that’s easy peasy because i mean, bart’s not WEAK, but he’s not TALL either and it’s not like Kon weighs a feather and they’re on the deeper side,,,,, you can imagine the rest

Now there’s two teams, and they call it a tie because otherwise someone’s gonna end up injured (altho tim likes to say that he and cass won)

There’s music playing in the background, with really vulgar lyrics that alfred disapproves of, but you know. It’s not his beach. 

THIS IS REALLY JUST A SCREAM POST SORRY IT’S NOT WHAT YOU GUYS SIGNED UP FOR BUT TAGLIST ANYWAYS: @red-hood-redemption @screennamealreadyused @bikoncon @catxsnow @thesporklecat @thesesickfics-justmakemesick @hauntingsonofrobin anddd i think i forgot someone sorry 

[moogieandadhd]

trauma ferris wheel - A Personal Note on ADHD and the Holidays

(i want to briefly apologize for my absence. i was pretty unmotivated to write, i got a full-time job, and i took a break from my meds for a bit. but, i'm back, and i have a lot to say. thanks for being awesome and patient with me, friends. i hope you guys are having a safe and healthy holiday season.)

there are many things i want to say to my family members during the holidays when the inevitable joke at my expense happens. for the past year, in particular, it has been about me never getting a license. i am 22 and i still only have a permit. the jokes were funny at first, but now they send me into a spiral of insecure thoughts. not a big deal on the outside, but after being berated and not even asked why it's taking so long (financial restrictions and debilitating anxiety, thank you very much), it starts to take a toll on you.

maybe you have receptive family members who you can say "hey, that wasn't really funny and i'd appreciate it if you didn't joke about that" and theyre like "hey man, im sorry about that, i should have been more mindful, i got you." but maybe most of your family is like mine and when you bring up that sometimes they say hurtful things, you're met with "you have always been so sensitive. it was just a joke, come on." or something along those lines.

now, take that and apply it to pretty much every little thing that you do. that is what living with ADHD is like. everything you do is inconvenient, or annoying, or misunderstood, and you are expected to mold yourself into the neurotypical's expectations of how you should be. but god forbid you ask for a little consideration.

with ADHD, many of us dread the holiday season. if it were up to me, i wouldn't have visited my family and just dealt with the "maybe i should have gone" guilt later. that sure beats physically having to leave the room and hide in the bathroom because everyone is loud and there are to many lights and everyone is far too touchy and the fancy clothes you were forced to wear have become a boa constrictor around your entire body and....

when we disappear from these overwhelming situations, i have also noticed it isn't met with great reception either. "you always have to be the center of attention, don't you? why do you need to make everything about you?" as if protecting your brain from an overload which would lead to a panic attack or a shouting match would have somehow been better.

again, misunderstood.

or maybe you are one of those ADHDers who love the holidays, either because your family isn't filled with self-interested people, or because you have already cut those people out of your life and you now have the freedom to make new memories and enjoy holidays the way you want to. how i envy you!

when i was younger, i loved the holidays because i was always so understimulated and seeing my cousins and spending hours playing games and running around was genuinely fun. now that i am an adult and my attention is now spread thin between maintaining my home, my mental and physical health, my marriage, my job, college, my social life, my bills, and still somehow find free time to relax... the holidays might as well be an inner ring of hell.

another stressor is finding the right gifts. some people make no sense to me and i have no clue what to get them, but a gift card feels so impersonal and lame, and then the other people who you know a perfect idea for but that particular item is also $900 and you make minimum wage.

not to mention, nobody ever seems to get your gifts right. they assume they know you and would want you to have something they want you to have - but it's just not you. fair enough, our hyperfixations can change like the weather, but ask us about it and we probably have something in mind.

or, the bittersweet feeling when you're gifted something in relation to a hyperfixation that you are no longer madly in love with and have since all but thrown it away. i weirdly feel guilty, and sad. but i remember how much i loved that thing, and how close it would have been to my heart, and how amazingly excited i would have been to have that gift at the peak of the fixation.

if you have a comorbidity with your ADHD, which most of us do (combined type adhder here with generalized anxiety disorder and cptsd, with a history of disordered eating, how fun), there's so much more to dread during the holidays. there's insecurity, triggers galore, you name it. but that's for another post, i suppose.

i know this idea has been regurgitated forever, but i really do wish that ADHD wasn't named after the symptoms that are burdensome to neurotypical people. "attention deficit", but i pay attention to everything at once. "hyperactive", but i just need to move around more or talk it out before i can feel content. that's just who i am, and the fact that it is an inconvenience really does just feel like pushing on a bruise.

if you had a fantastic holiday, i'm so happy for you. may that warmth follow you into the new year. if you didn't have a great holiday, i'm sorry. you probably didn't deserve that stuff. or maybe you fucked up royally in some way. no matter, you're still human and you still deserve love. know who loves you and who doesn't and weed out that shit you don't need anymore. you can start fresh whenever you want. make a little room to forgive yourself. love you.

[chickpeatalia]

I heard "working class!Arthur" and I can't think of anything else yes please!!!

Anon, I know you didnt exactly ask for it, but now that you have put the words “working class!Arhur” into my ask box, you have practically opened pandoras box so I’m just gonna go ahead and talk about it anyway. *mwua*  First things first, I shall note that I am not in fact British, so I might not get a few things right. Second, what we’re gonna talk about today is a rather specific human AU that lives in my head.  Third, this ended up being....incredibly long, I’m sorry. The rest is under the cut!

So, why is working class Arthur splendid?

Obviously, there are many different version of how to do a human AU, and oftentimes fandom likes to go down the rich/royal/elite!Arthur route. Which, in fact, is super valid and oftentimes quite fun too. I like these versions too. However, I think oftentimes a working class background is favourable because 1) it makes more sense, to me, on a meta level  and 2) it has a certain charm to it.

Lets consider the meta level first: - despite stereotypes, Great Britain does not consist of aristocracy and royals alone. What are 600 arstocratic families to 60 million of the rest of the population? - the Industrial Revolution started in Great Britain - factory work, steel mills, textile and most prominently, coal mines in the North of England were all operated by the workers. I feel like in Britain, social classes matter way more than on continental Europe, and also to me personally the working class seemed like a particularly important one, historically speaking. Okay, enough history for now, so lets get into the human AU: - Arthur, who grows up in a large family with four brothers (Alasdair & Dylan who are older. And Sean & Peter who are younger) - his parents had Alasdair very early on and you know how it is. With a baby on the way, you got to make the best out of it and take the first stable job you get. (Which was in Glasgow at the time). - but unforntunately high unemployment rates hit the country, especially the working class (thanks Maggie T</3) and what to do if you lose your job and no new work is to be found? Well, you just go and look somewhere else. In the Kirklands’ case, that somewhere else is Cardiff, Wales where Dylan is born. - So they end up sort of moving quite a lot, practically in every part of the UK, in hopes of finding stable jobs for a bit. - Eventually they settle in a suburb of Manchester, England at long last.

- And life goes on

- They recycle so much clothes between the brothers. A good 40% if not more of Arthur’s clothes used to be either Alasdair’s or Dylan’s. - In turn, Sean and Peter also get Arthur’s old school uniforms. Theyre not particularly nice after all these years, but look, they have five kids. They simply don’t have the money for new ones. ( “Says much about the efficiency of a system when it forces you to wear school uniforms in order to avoid social stigmatisation and yet makes you buy the uniforms yourself, as if richer people couldn’t afford the better ones anyway.” Arthur would say darkly) - lots and lots of second hand shopping. (this is where Arthur got is first leather jacket and Doc Martens from, and yes, this is also when his punk phase has started) - thus his outfits tend to look quite ...interesting. A various mix of old jumpers from the 90s, Dylan’s old plaid shirts and some band t-shirt he got for £5. - one year, he and his brothers were looking for a gift for their mum’s birthday. Arthur didn’t have any cash anymore (yes, it was after he bought the Doc Martens, sacrifies had to be made), so he suggested he tried to bake her a cake. Much cheeper than any other gift. Obviously his brothers mocked him for it (until they actually tried the cake and found out that it actually tasted quite good). Since then Arthur took up baking here and there, and his brothers while not encouraging, do not mock him anymore. They do hope he makes the lemon cake again for Ma’s next birthday though

- SCHOOL ho boy... so the thing is, Arthur is rather clever.

- Academically, he was above average. Acing it in subjects like English and History, being quite good in French (no, he does not bring this fact up often...or...at all), and getting decently by in the rest. Except that one time in PE when he got rowdy with the other boys during a football match (no, not our boy’s brightest moment). - He is intelligent, he even understands subject that he doesn’t particular like, like chemistry. He is quick-witted and sharp tongued and has a natural talent for words and writing. Even rather sophisticated articles and topics do not resent a challenge for him. - Naturally, Arthur toys with the thought of going to university and immediately wants to slap himself for that ridiculous idea. - The thing is, nobody in his family has gone to university so far. Like, he has no, absolute no frame of reference what it entails. - Being from a working class family and then going to university is a scary thing, man. - also, being £30,000 in dept by age 18 is a terror of its own kind - Eventually, he contemplates applying maybe perhaps for the local university and that information seeps through to Alasdair who found it to be a rather ridiculous endeavour. - “Look, you’re shitting your pants about this application one way or another, so why not just go immediately for the top universities instead. If you get rejected, well, at least you got rejected by one of the top universities in the world. But if you get accepted....” “Aw, are you saying you think I could get accepted by one of the best universities in the world?” “I’m not saying anything, you wee little shit. Don’t put words in my mouth. But......being the overachieving know-it-all that you are, you might have a chance.” - For as long as he lives, Arthur’s never gonna admit it but this conversation might have really been the most meaningful thing Alasdair has ever said to him. - And yes, he does apply and yes he does get accepted.

FURTHER HEADCANONS:

- he toned it down by now but the punk never died in him. lots of LGBT+ pins on his jackets too. - that being said, he hates it when people think punk is an aesthetic rather than a political stance (”You cannot be bloody punk and right wing. You just cannot!”) - genuinely likes the taste of beer. Or it might be that it was the cheepest alcoholic beverage he could manage to buy. Situation unclear. - is so prone to get into bar fights oh dear lord when he says “fight me”, he genuinely is 100% down to throw hands even if you beat him bloody - obviously, always votes Labour - will call you a cunt if you’re a Tory - unrelated to anything, but I think he’d wear earrings regularly and they’d be cute - also, has a tendency to dye his hair in crazy colours when he is under pressure - one last thing: oftentimes, Arthur strikes people as incredibly cynic or gloomy or ‘overly engaged in politics’, but growing up the way he grew up, facing so many hardships through the years of which many were directly caused by careless conservative politics...its just hard not to be cynic. My final words here are: this is most definitely not what you were looking for when you sent that ask, anon, but I seriously needed to get this out of my system. If anyone wants to ever talk about my favourite boy Arthur, my ask box is always open.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk<3

[funny-house]

huhu u got me to watch opal the other day since u keep talking abt it and im glad bc i Really Enjoyed It but !! anyways , i saw u mention mirror man doing makeup for someone and i keep thinking about it so Thoughts Incoming sorry in advance lmao. i think he would like to do claires makeup (and teach her abt it in general) when she gets a bit older,, both bc it seems like a legitimate hobby he would enjoy (i imagine if he werent Like That he probably could have been a makeup artist or something similar!) and bc he would like to ‘prettify’ her a bit.

and ah well,,, a lot of parents Like Him sometimes try 2 make their child a carbon copy of themselves or of an image they enjoy so if he grew to like claire more or already does like her enough for that (or just, wants things to revolve around him More) hed try to nudge things in that direction. and in his own way i think He might think hes doing something good, he knows when he was her age he would have killed to have a parent so eager to help him learn makeup and stuff but. claire isnt him. she probably isnt even interested in it at all but shes kinda desperate for Nice Moments and also doesnt wanna risk making him angry so she goes along with it. she always has her head in the clouds so all the things hes saying is too much at once but shes trying to comprehend it,,,,,

nd he keeps giggling at her for how awkwardly she moves her arm when putting on foundation and blush nd gets kind of annoyed with her for repeatedly flinching when he tries to help her with mascara nd teases her a bit for trying to taste the lip gloss (and keeps pointing out a flaw or two on her face “well, youve always had a sort of weird shaped face but youve always had the cutest little smile, its like Mine :)”) but they do it !! together !!! and nothing (that) bad happened !!!!!! so claire is happy,,,,,,,,,,, until that inevitably opens the gates of him trying to pick out what she wears for her and “””suggesting””” hairstyles for her and getting manipulative and even flatout Angry when she doesnt do what he wants her to (bc even when things Seem like theyre about claire they Are Not, its what He wants for her , in the end its still all about him) but, ive rambled enough to you already <:o) sorry for talking so much i just wanted to chat a bit abt opal with you !!!! hope ur doing well hehe . and im sorry this is rambly nd probably incomprehensible i just did a lot of work hkehri

ohhhhhhhh !!! FIRST  I am super glad that all my constant rambling about this man has allowed you to go watch Jack Stauber’s awesome little short, it’s really good and deserves all the support !!!

also i totally appreciate you wanting to share your thoughts with me ;u;

AND I TOTALLY AGREE  the whole idea of him projecting himself onto her, trying to take over her, I think that is so fitting for the short itself tbh, because it’s a reflection ( mirrors, hehe ) of what the mother wants from Claire as well. The thing that terrified Claire near the end is the mother reaching to hold onto her, specifically after the mom said that she was going to become just like her. The idea of her becoming her parents? it terrifies her, clearly!!

And Mirror Man, he is what they call a “archetypal narcissistic abuser”, in my eyes at least,  and it would be really really common to see someone like that not only be so controlling and self absorbed that they treat their child like a decoration to themselves, but also use that child, especially as they get old enough to have opinions on the situation, to turn them against their partner-- such as.... the mom

so picture this

Claire is like 10-12, and she’s bright and she’s got a good heart but she’s WELL and truly Affected by the years of being brought up in that ridiculously toxic hell hole-- I mean house no idea if the grandpa would live that long uhhh in his state, but even if he does, he’s still very sick, disabled, and senile and he isn’t going to be much help. and Claire, she’s starting to have Opinions,, on how things are running around here,,      but in swoops Mirror Dad

He’s like........ it’s your mother’s fault. Oh, absolutely, have you seen her? I mean look at her, she’s disgusting. she’s a drug addict, she’s a drunk, she’s ugly, she’s the reason you feel like this-- and maybe some of that is understandable, i mean she’s a real mess of a mom, no mistake, but hey

Nobody’s going to tell Claire who made her that way! Nobody’s going to tell her Mirror Dad was the one who trapped her in an unloving, possibly violent relationship, with a kid, and ripped apart every inch of her self worth !!!

Nope. she just sees the aftermath. So mirror dad...... turns claire on her. And she starts to side with him on things and she starts to even kinda talk like him maybe even....... learns how to do that dark and scary insecurity voice of his and one day She walks by the.... Reflection Chamber and Mirror Man is there in that way He Always Is in that seat he always sits in, and he says something very very odd to her!   he raises a finger and curls it in and says    come sit on my lap you haven’t gotten too big to sit on my lap have you?? come here!! and i mean Claire is still very very uncomfortable even being near him, and this feels like a trap, but i mean she can’t just say no, and there’s a part of her that’s kinda hoping... maybe he really is trying to be nice. and so she does and she sits with her but you’ll notice he is never looking directly at her. Even as she’s approaching literally right in his line of sight, he stares straight into her reflection, never her face.  It’s like she’s not even real unless she’s in those mirrors.

And he tells her he wants to do her makeup! yay! how fun! and he tells her to close her eyes and pout her lips and try not to flinch when the sculpting starts or he’ll use his deep voice-- and how he’s going to finally FIX her. Goody!! then maybe the constant barrage of insults and negs and criticisms will stop!! (p.s. they wouldn’t have )

And so she opens her eyes..... and the face of her abuser is looking right back. It’s her face. Or it used to be-- now it’s literally his and it’s hideous-- it does not AT ALL belong on that body, and the only thing left of her is her big shiny eyes

and she  S C R E A M S that way Claire does,,,

but this time, loud enough to crack the mirrors, and stun the dad just long enough for him not to catch her in his hands when she leaps off his lap and books it for the attic the attic, the view of the billboard with the same worn out, not updated ad for Opal’s in the window. She locks the door, it doesn’t take long for mirror man to come banging on it, telling her she’s ungrateful, she doesn’t deserve what little she has, taking back every nice thing he ever said, etc,,,

and Opal just starts clawing off the makeup/clay/whatever from her face in the mirror’s glass reflection, putting her hair back into the pigtails her father said made her look stupid

but she isn’t Opal, she’s changed, she’s aged, but Opal-- she’s always the same!! happy!! cared for!! and what is she supposed to be under the makeup? huh? Who is she besides the abuse she’s put through, that billboard and what it sells to her?  she doesn’t know! nobody does nobody ever bothered to get to know what it even means to be Claire.

[acaciapines]

@mallowstep

woulda sent this as an ask but uh. moth ghost au wont leave my head and this got. long. hope ya dont mind i think about hawkfrost and mothwing A Lot.

under a cut bc. again. long.

bc see the thing is. if i were to do a moth ghost au. the kids are all young when she dies (at least, i think? idk their timeline, i’m assuming they’re like, 3-4 months, so, youngish), so it’s like...ghost sister? ghost sister. sasha cant see her because it’s no fun if she can, so we get hawk and tadpole, both who feel like they’ve killed their sister, both who are kids and cant deal with that grief. but like...moth is right there! she’s right there! she’s still their sister even if shes a ghost and as they get bigger and lose their kit-fluff she stays the same. she’s their sister.

but sasha....sasha just lost one of her kittens, nearly lost the other two, and now the remaining ones are talking to moth as though she’s still there? cats dont leave ghosts behind--cats aren’t trapped like that. humans are, sasha was a housecat and she’s seen how humans pace around their houses, but cats are sneaky lil guys. cats arent trapped to the earth like people are. cats die and leap into the sky and become the world.

moth isn’t stuck, moth is the world. so sasha tells her sons that their sister isn’t a ghost with them, but she’s the world around them--the prey and wind and sky.

hawk and tadpole look at each other, at their very-much-there ghost sister, and are like....yeah sure mom.

so we get a hawk and tadpole who refuse to let moth go. it’s hawk who clings to her the most, i think--he acts as though nothing happened, as though nobody drowned. tadpole is...starting to listen to their mom, a bit. he knows moth is there, but...should she be? nobody should be trapped like this. her spirit deserves to move on.

“we should help her,” tadpole says.

“she’s fine,” hawk says, “she’s right here, and she’s fine, and i’m not going to let you kill her again just because you have something against ghosts.”

and tadpole doesn’t ask again. he was the first one out out that basement.

eventually the kits end up in riverclan, and tadpole doesnt really talk about moth to anybody. like, he still acknowledges her, but only when they’re alone or it’s just hawk. hawk, on the other hand, doesn’t care! sure he’s like, 6 moons old, and moth is still stuck at 4, but! who! cares! and so while the clan teaches them their clan ways, teaches them about starclan, tadpole listens and he’s able to find some comfort in the idea. that theres a place his sister can go, can move on to. he’s always liked the stars. moth will, too.

but hawk...

well, the thing is, hawk’s not a clan cat. he’s got a clan name, now, he’s down a mother and he’s a very young kid staring up at these riverclan cats, but he’s nothing if not stubborn, and he’s clung to his sister thus far and he’s not about to give her up.

the clans dont think much of other religions. they tell hawk and tadpole that there’s no such thing as ghosts. dead cats go to starclan, and only clan cats, at that--your sister isn’t there, why would she be? she died a loner. but dont worry, now you’re here, in the clans, and when you die, you’ll be together in starclan.

“it’s stupid,” hawk says, to moth, alone in their den, “who cares about starclan? thats not mine, and its not yours. if you’re going anywhere it’s the wind, not the stars.”

“did you see that one thunderclan med cat apprentice at the gathering?” asks moth. “i thought she was pretty.”

“never change,” hawk says, fondly.

but he starts to think. as he starts to spend more and more time alone, with only moth for company. and moth is moth but she is...a ghost. she’s trapped. she doesn’t grow and change like a living cat does--at this point she doesnt even know why she’s still around. something about...drowning, maybe? it happened so long ago. she’s just happy to have her brother with her.

tadpole worries. hawk pushes him away. tadpole tells him they have to let their sister go. that they have to move on--that he loves moth too, and he misses her every day, but they’re clan cats, now. they have to be the best they can be, so nobody else is ever hurt again.

so i dont hurt anyone again, he doesnt say.

because tadpole doesn’t think moth’s ghost is around, either. he’s stopped seeing her. maybe he never did. maybe he was just a kid who lost his sister, who killed his sister, even if on accident. maybe he never was able to cope with that.

he wont see his sister in starclan. he probably wont see his mother, either. he doenst know what happens to loners. sasha told them, once. the wind and the sky and the leaves. becoming a part of the world, again. energy that can never truly die, just change shape.

but that was so long ago. he’s nearly a warrior, now. who remembers the stories they were told as kids?

anyways.

hawkpaw becomes the medicine cat.

he’s got two sets of beliefs rattling around in his head--starclan, everything the clans are telling him, and half-remembered stories from his mother, that moth remembers best of them all, forever trapped as a 4 moon old kit. and somewhere along the line these have been mashed together, into one big: starclan isnt letting moth in, because she died a loner. starclan wont ever let moth in but they’re going to take me when i die and i wont let them. i wont let them tear us apart.

it’s not easy. riverclan says he’d need a sign to become a medicine cat, but since when have the dead done that? they’re dead. moth is a ghost at his side, and she watches the flowers, and the bees, and remarks about thunderclan medicine cats that hawk can’t help but be begrudgingly fond of, if only for her. 

but he can do this. he has to.

hawkpaw fakes a sign. hawkpaw becomes medicine cat.

hawkpaw goes to the moonpool, and the stars tell him the same thing the clans do: there is no place for your sister here. our heavens are for worthy clan cats only.

hawk is still the villain here, just...in a different way. if this were a warriors book he’d be a villain flat-out, a med cat turning his back on starclan, who lied and cheated his way into this role, who never cared about anybody but his dead sister. but this isn’t a warriors book.

tadpole is the hero. hawk looks at the stars and tells them to their faces if you wont let my sister in, then i’ll make you regret it. i’ll show everyone that you’re nothing. that they worship cats that arent even ghosts. cats that are trapped. maybe youre wrong. maybe moth isnt the one youre keeping out. maybe shes the free one.

hawk plays the long game, though. gets his full name. learns medicines, how to heal.

how to harm.

moth watches him from the shadows. tells him kit-stories about rebirth.

the clans dont believe in that. hawk doesnt know what he is. he doesnt either.

theyre all trapped. thats what he believes.

he sets a trap for mudfur. a fox-trap down by the lake. then he, hawkfrost, will be the only link riverclan has to the stars, and he won’t listen to a word they say.

tadpole is the one to find out, to intervene before mudfur dies. to say hawk, you betrayed us all!

you betrayed me first, says hawk. me and moth both.

moth is dead! says tadpole. you can’t let her go!

you follow the words of the dead, says hawk in return, thats all the clans do. all mudfur did. he didnt want me to be his apprentice. he needed the dead to tell him what to do. what kind of life is that? and if you agree with what he did, how is it any different than me and moth? at least i know she’s real. that she’s our sister. the clans would let her die.

and so tadpole kills his brother with a stake through the heart.

he thinks he can see moth for a second. a flash against the blood.

hawk dies. he doesnt die a clan cat.

was it worth it? tadpole asks.

im going to be with moth, hawk says. youre going to go to starclan.

why dont you answer that question?

...

yeah thats my moth ghost au. is this anything? who knows! its certainly not in any way fleshed out, just the barest bones of an idea. i want leafpool to still get her ‘blood will spill blood’ prophecy--maybe she and hawk become friends, somewhere in there. who knows.

ghost moth man. fun to think about.