#like i get ur trying to help or whatever
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
family stop outing me as trans to people i haven't told yet, challenge level: impossible
#maggot musings#like i get ur trying to help or whatever#but ur not#and i get its difficult 4 u to switch between my name and my deadname#but i need u to try#ik for a fact my parents don't understand my gender#my sister kinda gets it but not rlly#she knows I'm nb which is enough#but the idea that I'm not a man or a woman completely trips my mum and step dad#i should be allowed to come out on my own terms#for me with family it's personal#it's something I'd want to have a one on one conversation with them about#but ur robbing me of that and its upsetting yknow#u can't do it the justice i can do it#and i can barely do it justice#but at least i can try#at least i know what I'm on about
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
jokes @ night r not funny in the morning,,,
originally the blue was green but then i decided 2 b pan
#dont even ask me what i was trying 2 accomplish#CAUSE IDKKK#sighs @ least they look cute igg#bart is still hard 4 ne 2 draw idk sobbs#also i seem 2 draw him in a lot of tanktops while i draw kon in a lot of crop tops#i just ?????????#anyways i literally have no idea wtf this means#it was supposed 2 b silly & funny but if ur evil u could make it angsty#not me thoo…..i would neever#cause what kind of sick freak does that#((its me im the sick freak))#no but this is supposed 2 b silly ITS JUST RLLY NOT FUNNY IDK#konbart#kart#still 2 scared 2 but it in their main tags or whateverrrr#NO BC LIKE I DONT WANNA GET RIPPED APART#omggg the reason y it looks more angst is bc i put the ‘dw’ isnt itttt#ughhhhhhh#ok sure whatever GRRR AAAAAA#i have a better kart drawing idea but this 1 was easier 2 draw#brrrr#i feel like im just mostly going 2 b drawing kart 2day oh man#((i say this like i dont draw them everyday))#puppee art#holy u can rlly tell i h8 stabalizers batman#i say ‘line arts my fav part’ but i dont actually do nice line art idfkkk yyyy but mayb its bc u dont need clean lineart 2 render stuff???#@ least i dont#man i should render smth its been so long since ive like ‘completed’ a full drawingg#HELP IM STILL UPSET HOW I DREW BART I LIKE I JUST DONT WANT 2 DRAW HIM LOOKING LIKE A KID BUT LIKE OTS KINDA HARD WHEN HES NEXT 2 KON THIS I
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
losing my mind deku as a hero and as a charchter defined by his desire to help others and being helped in return… kindness can be repaid… never hesitating to help even if its a villain, always saving other people even at risk to himself… but also, that kindness comes back to him - kota and eri and his classmates refusing to let him suffer by himself. forever reaching out and offering a helping hand… ONE for ALL a power that was meant to be shared, in contrast to ALL for ONE a power that was meant to put one person above the rest… something something deku never stood alone because he never let anyone else stand alone do you understand
#something something ‘you’re not alone’ something something#does that make sense#midoriya izuku#boku no hero academia#bnha#mha#my hero academia#deku#izuku best protag u cant change my mind#I LOVE HIM UR HONOR#this is why vigilante!deku doesnt work btw#its like a narrative punishment for trying to go against his core purpuse or whatever#like how aang immediately died as narrative punishment for letting go of his worldly ties deku goes through pain and fatigue and loneliness#when he tries to go solo#like if class 1-a didnt get there in time/didnt find him he would have legit died#hes the people princess/hero!!!!#forever reaching out to help others!!!#eternally extending a helping hand!!!#AND ANOTHER THING even in his darkest moments he still wore gran torinos scarf and the costume his mom inspired/helped make#HE WAS NEVER ALONE!!
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
Went out to check in w/place we interviewed at. Had a breakdown in the fucking place. Person we needed to see wasn't there. Ended up feeling like a complete fool by the end of it. Had another breakdown heading home. Gonna try again at 9.
#sepiasys.txt#Ideally alone#Because yeah I'm FUCKING RIGHT. We can't do anything with bestie present. We can't mask! BECAUSE HE IS THERE!!#If I sense any chance of him looking at us; I can't keep the anxiety down enough.#Also confirmed we just get cold and shakey as fuck when we're secretly anxious. Apparently.#I get that buying smth would make it less awkward but thats if he comes with. If not even if I have deal with a line of ppl idc#aint buying shit ESPECIALLY if it turns out we weren't fit for the job because why the fuck would I do that?#I might try to get something online if need be idgaf {says someone who wont feel the same later}#It's just people. just people.#I think the most disheartening thing is hearing some dude say it was their first day here; idk what the context was for it#if thats a new hire tho then WHAT THE FUCK MAN!! DONT JUST FUCKING GHOST ME LIKE THIS SHIT!!!!!#I feel sick >:( Our roommates are gonna fucking hate me.#Also the way bestie acts; in retrospect it looks like he's trying to ignore me actively. But he also pushes me to lead. BITCH⁉️#YOU'RE NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON WHO NEEDS A FRIEND TO LEAD OR WHATEVER LIKE FUCK OFF WITH THAT‼️ I know ur tryna help but DUDE.#You literally make everything worse when you treat me like this because I can feel the expectations weigh on me. Because you have them.#It's like you're secretly watching and listening even if you're doing everything you can to NOT do it for my sake.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.
#this post brought to you by: me bingeing Sam & Darlin's entire storyline over the past few days and having a Lot of feelings abt it#asmr#audio roleplay#rp audio stuff#redacted audio#anyways i don't have a conclusion to this post. and i'm not Mad or Upset or anything i'm just thinkin' out loud#and i mean it's not like it doesn't get plenty of praise within its respective audience bc it does. at least for the more popular creators#but i feel it'll still always have the shadow of its cringe reputation looming over it#which makes it hard for some ppl to openly appreciate or share with others that aren't already fans of the medium#like do u know how many comments i've seen along the lines of 'this is great but i'd die if anyone knew i liked this kinda stuff' ?? :(#idk maybe i feel strongly about it bc i'm a self-insert fanfic writer. and i feel like the two have a lot in common. including a bad rep.#like. not every audio will be well-written or produced and neither will every fanfic. but that doesn't mean it's a less legitimate artform#and i'm lucky to have never (yet) received negative comments on my work. but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make me sigh when people-#-say shit like 'this reads like fanfiction' as a way of calling something bad. or other similar sentiments that make the same implication#and i wouldn't be surprised if audio creators feel the same way when they encounter certain comments or statements#like. those YT videos where ppl will 'try bf asmr for the first time' or whatever and it's just 20 mins of cringing and over-reacting? eugh#tbf i haven't watched many bc why do that to myself. so Maybe there's some that are respectful but still. imagine getting roasted like that#and yes yes i know that by posting stuff online you're inadvertently sighing up to be criticized by Anyone but still. man. i dunno#i'm going on a tangent but my point is. i'm grateful for the creators that still make their art in spite of the public's perception of it#bc some of the most impactful emotional experiences i've ever gained from fiction took place in audio rp and i'm so serious abt that.#anyways. this post almost feels like i'm 'making up a person to be mad at' but i promise it's not that serious i'm just yapping. mostly.#certainly not trying to start any kind of debate or anything either i just have a lot of fixation-induced energy and nowhere to put it#this is Eric's fault (/lh) for cooking Sam up in a lab catered exactly to my taste and making Darlin' waaaaay too painfully relatable#but it's also My fault for bingeing the Inversion /and/ the Quinn arc /and/ the Summit all within a couple days. but i can't help myself#feels like i've run an emotional marathon. triathlon. The Emotional Olympics if u will. i'm feeling Everything#who knew that beating the shit out of ur fictional abuser could feel so goddamn cathartic! it's a nice replacement when u can't do it irl#anyways i'm off on a tangent again. thanks for coming to my TED Talk i'm gonna crawl back in my hole now#actually i'm gonna go relisten to a few audios. as Research for my Sam & Darlin' playlist as well as a post i'll be making about it soon#u Know i've got it bad when i not only make a playlist but start Posting on here about the songs that remind me of them. i'm cooked guys.
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey, thanks for the kind words. i'll admit that i kinda forgot for a while that daily demon spotlight was meant to be a blog for fun above all, and i got too obsessed with my perfectionism to where even the slightest criticism would make me panic and overcorrect everything
i really do appreciate what you said as it kinda just grounded me again and made me realize that i'm not some giant public figure, i'm just some teenage trans girl who likes to write, so thank you so much even if you didn't intend it to be that deep lmao 🙏
well im glad i could help 🥰 i've gotten the perfectionism bug with my own writing so i know how much it really sucks. i think it's also scary on the internet where people are increasingly becoming mean to people they don't know over even small things, so it prob feels like you're risking getting huge backlash over something that isn't all that difficult to fix. like, the demon spotlight is just a hobby blog covering figures that appear in a game series that in itself has questionable information and unclear sources, it's not an official compendium blog run by atlus yknow??? i get not wanting to spread misinformation or see it get spread ab mythological figures but for a hobby blog where it's not difficult to add to posts, i don't think it needs to be all that deep. don't be afraid to add an addendum to old posts if you ever come across new information or a correction, i think that kind of thing could be beneficial even if the original post had a lot of incorrect stuff in it
plus, with so many different retellings and translations of mythological stories i think people will consider different ones to be their "canon" to them. i mean like, i read ab two or three different takes just on ganesha's birth in a little section ab parvati in a book discussing a ton of different goddesses. and with language barriers and such, you're bound to run into inaccuracies tbh
i think it's a good preface for everyone involved to come into this understanding that it's easy to unknowingly run into wrong information ab figures, smt is full of inaccuracies in itself, the demon spotlight is just a hobby and isn't gonna get thesis-level work put into it, and the goal isn't to spread misinformation
as long as you keep doing your best in research and handling things as respectfully as you can, i don't think mistakes should be a huge deal. like, yea okay you fucked up a post cus you had bad sources, it's not the end of the world and i don't think you should feel like it's the end of the world or someone else should make you feel that way. just don't argue with people if they give you a correction. i mean, if someone's a total asshole about it that's not really something you can help, the best you can do is apologize and correct the original post. but there's no need to wallow in sorrow cus you got something wrong, it's really not the end of the world🥰👍
#the demon spotlight is a place to learn ab mythology in a fun way#and part of the learning process is correcting old info based on new info#its become a little easier to get over the perfectionism bug since i write about my own culture#so i can kinda do whatever the fuck i want (within reason) with our own mythology#but its still hard to deal with so i really do get it#i thought ab starting a blog like this myself but i didnt really have the time or energy for it#so seeing someone do this and start to waver#cus of mistakes that arent too difficult to fix is esp painful#so im glad i could help u feel better#also if youre not using it already i really encourage u to try finding sources thru ur school library's online database#they have access to things that r generally a little more reliable#i prob sound like an old person begging kids to use their libraries but you really can find some interesting things there#and online will have a lot more things than in person#a highschool might not have as much as a college would but its still worth trying out maybe???????#or dont............i wont tell you what to do lmao#oops im a certified yapper sorryyyy(lying)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
when people complain about getting like, a 98% grade on something because it was "so close to perfect" its like. i understand what you're saying on a technical level. but that is a line of thought so far away from my experiences and ways of thinking that i do feel like im from another planet. 100% isnt even a real number to me
#i kinda understand when its something like a multiple choice test or something where there is an objective answer#it might feel like u got so close but just missed one#again still a bit alien to me because my scholarly performance is mysterious and anything over 70 is great to me#but i mean ive had a 98 before once in a math test. i did get exactly 1 bit of 1 question wrong#but i didnt really care that it was one off from perfect i was too busy being happy because that was the highest mark id ever received#and the previous math test i had taken got a 53% . grade 11 was a wild time for me in math class GHJKSHFKds#anyway i kinda see where ur coming from with stuff with right or wrong answers like that#but i sometimes get friends in class complain that they got a 95 or something on an art assignment#because they think they got docked 5 points for one or two little things#but i dunno. thats not really how fine arts departments in university tend to grade things#you dont start at 100 and get docked marks for things you got wrong. i dont think ive ever seen a 100% on something like that#tbh the numbers are a little arbitrary i find. i do prefer to try to get em higher because that helps with grants and stuff#but the numbers dont mean all that much in fine arts or in art history (my two majors) a 75 and a 95 can function the same depending on lik#weighting and context and feedback and whatever. i dunno its a wild world out there#it might just be the perspective of someone who did really goodbad in school. (GoodBad (tm) its when ur good but also kinda bad at school!)#compared to someone who got a lot of perfects in mandatory schooling. i sympathise i really do that kind of pressure sounds insane#but while i sympathize i cant really empathize as much unfortunately with this specifically orz its a world very far outside my purview!#100%s arent real to me so they never cross my mind to be worried about LOL
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
good god how do you guys deal when your MOM has an ed as well
#shes the source of mine lmao#she was mean and viscous when i was 11-14 and now that shes old she brags to me about not eating trying to get validation#but honestly shes too old to be doing this how do i get her to stop and be normal with food and meals#im trying my best here she'll say shes hungry i offer to get her food when im getting food and shes like 'nooo i cant thats terrible'#and im always like 'food doesnt have morality you can eat whatever u want' and i dont talk to her about my ed#even when she comments on my weight ill change the conversation topic but idk how else to help her#like at this point its just sad mad theres so many other things u can do in ur life aside from trying to get skinny who even cares#go birdwatching or something man idk
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww 🥺 i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man 😭!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel 😭 like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes i go thru the gaylor tag to see updates or reactions or something and its so funny everytime. You people are insane i respect literally none of you etc etc
#barry.txt#taylor swift#NOTE: THIS IS COMING FROM AN RPF FREAK WHO COULD FEASIBLY IMAGINE TAYLOR SWIFT EATING PUSSY#HATERS IM SORRY BUT THIS ISNT FOR YOU. YOU WILL NOT EARN MY SYMPATHY. anyway#i think i just get really frustrated when a fanbase gets so caught up in itself it cant remember how like....people work#or how relationships function even celebrity ones#i have spent lots of time and energy watching how people react and listening to people talk about relationships and so im annoying abt it#kaylors bless ur hearts im glad ur having fun but posts about their secret relationship make me autism angry#i was THERE for the kaylor divorce. ive listened to evermore more time than id like to admit. theyve at most made an effort to mend a bridg#that baby is a kushner and to imply otherwise is either short sighted or genuinely concerning depending on how deep and intense#the theory is#i think part of the problem is that it forces me to interact w the wider swiftie fandom at large which is a no go zone#i have my circle of blogs i respect even if i find all discussion of travis kind of boring and whenever i try to step out of it#i just end up frustrated#stop trying to prove things! you will never prove things! we dont know her!#i also disagree w lots of the general lyrical analysis but thats not anger i respect the readings they just arent mine#but yeah whatever. script doctoring a niche subset of one of the biggest fandoms on earth. i cant help myself!#none of this applies to you if ur 15 or whatever but i do implore that you not waste all ur time on dumb celebrity theories#and go do anything else
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just got a check from the IRS that cured my depression
#at least for a month or so 🥹#apparently my taxes got fucked up so they owed me that + interest so girls.... fast food dollar menu is on me tonight ✨️#no but fr I can make a substantial dent in my credit card debt and have a bit left over for savings which is HUGE#since the whole phone incident wiped me out#my mom was saying stupid shit like 'it gets bad before it gets better' but for once she was actually right. even if it's just briefly#I actually cannot stress how much this means to me and I think I might actually cry in a minute#I try not to complain much cuz I know there are so many people worse off than me but it really has been bad lately#and I don't really have anyone to talk to it about irl cuz my family can't help so they'll just feel bad and suggest I work more#and my friends are people who (while I love them dearly) HAVE family who are fully capable of helping them financially without trouble so#they're always like 'just ask ur mom' and I always have to explain that there is literally not a single member of my family who has savings#like I said I do love them but that is the one area that frustrates me the most. they joke about growing up poor when in reality they were#actually middle class and then I was born and raised well under the poverty line and don't remember a time we werent on WIC or food stamps#I'm a little bitter about it. esp because they still rely on family to help and that's never been nor is it going to be an option for me.#but whatever. little rant over. tonight I can go to bed knowing I can cover my bills this month and hopefully next month is better#time for me to go have a cathartic cry.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
If u tell a trans disabled person to call the cops or tell someone else to call the cops abt them u do not care abt that person’s safety
#or any marginalized group but this is in reference to me#thinking abt when a customer pulled a gun on me and i told my bf at the time abt it and rather than ‘omg are u ok’#his immediate response was to get upset w me for not calling the cops after the guy had already left#as if i could do so while he was there either like obviously he had a fucking GUN what was i supposed to do#cops would have done nothing IF I WAS LUCKY + i could have gotten in trouble at work#told my best friend at the time abt it and how my bf had gotten mad and my ‘friend’ was like actually he’s right and ur a horrible person#like it was part of what ended our friendship#neither of them acknowledged or cared that I’d just been thru smth scary. just immediate rage w no apology afterwards#not even a ‘I get that that was probably scary’ like hello?? instead of being relieved I’m safe ur gonna use it for ur cop agenda??#and then say acab online for clout??#also thinking abt when another ex for some fucking reason told her ex that i was having a depressive episode and that she was like stressed#and her ex (who has never met me) was like ‘your bf is abusive and if u don’t call the cops on him I will’#literally bc i had told her that like i was having a hard time and was going to seek help#anyways if ur like ready to jump at an opportunity to Insist on sending cops after a multiply marginalized person#then u cannot use our rights movements or anti cop sentiments to like try to get pussy#and u don’t get to claim it’s for our safety if we’re telling u explicitly cops make us feel unsafe. if the individual wants to then whatev#but if it’s a situation that affects me and not you then my consent matters and it’s a hard no#fucking anyone with education in these areas understands this! i told my psychiatrist abt these instances n why i feel unsafe w cops#and she was like ‘thank u for telling me this so that if there were ever an emergency situation involving you i would know to not do that’#WHAT A CONCEPT#now im scared to tell ppl in my life abt serious things bc i think they’ll say call the cops n then scream at me if I say no#and if I tell them these stories and they’re like ‘omg that’s awful’ LIKE A NORMAL PERSON then im like omg this person is safe <3 LOW BAR#mine#txt#gun tw#personal
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
girls they are filling my vyvanse 🙏 finally
#mmmmmmm generic brand mmmmmmmmmmm 😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋very epic and cool slash srs baby!#i start ummm thursday and. that Is also the day me and my boyfriend go on a trip so idk im a little hashtag nervy#maybe ill just start them next week or smthn#ugh but i need to catch up on schoolwork#okay ill start them thursday i just hope i dont get any gay freaking side effects#i read somewhere that taking vyvanse w wellbutrin can lessen the side effects by like. preventing you from crashing as much? idk but im also#worried bcoz loik. my psych said tht taking them at the same time can cause ur heart to race and im too much of a hypochondriac for that 😭#ugh maybe i will just start them monday then ive been. staying afloat so far so#anyways. im very excited :)#trying not to get my hopes up too much bcoz its not like gna Cure my adhd or whatever but. idk! its scary and its new and its a new chaptr#of my life regardlesssss like ie the finally getting medicated for reals era. IDK i just hope it helps im staying hopeful#coz tht in combined w the therapy bitch i am going to do the things i like again 🦑
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
looooool lololololol
#sorry im pondering over the thought of diggs/allen afters*x sorry#they have very much opposite actions after doing it#josh loves his naps and his cuddles so he will want to call it an early night night after one handjobbie even#unless hes angry or frustrated. then diggs is gonna be on for a long. aching haul#but stef could go literally 700 rounds in the same night and still try to get up and wobble around the house doing whatever#his strange mind is set to#even with *** still dripping out his ***#obvs hes gonna clean it soon or just lick some of it off like hes a dirty h*e but hes not a dirty h*e u know#but when u have to make sure the singleperson chair is tilted just enough to capture ur good angle when u lay down like a cat in it#u have to make sure t(im not rewriting all that. i forgor)#u know!!#and ok maybe some of the wandering stems from diggs hating to display uncontrollable neediness/beauty in front of the people he cares about#MAYBE HE GETS A LITTLE EMBARRASSED ABT THE WAY HIS THIGHS TREMBLE AND THE MUSCLE JIGGLES THEN TENSES FROM CONSTANT CHANGE#MAYBE HE HATES THAT HE LOVES HOW HE HATES THE WAY HE LOVES WHEN ALLEN'S STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL BROWN EYES ARE OVERTAKEN BY BLACK#FROM HIS PUPILS BLOWING AND HIS LIPS PARTING IN NOTHING BUT ADORATION AND ADMIRATION OVER HIS WR#and the bliss he's been put in OKAY MAYBE ! MAYBE !!#AND MAYBE BY GETTING AWAY FOR A BIT LIKE AN APATHETIC BLACK CAT SLINKING AWAY INTO THE NIGHT HELPS#KEEP STEF FROM COMPLIMENTING JOSH OVERANDOVERANDOVERAND- AGAIN. BCS HES JUST SO. UGHH. AND HE GETS SO. uGh#when stef compliments him and stef LOVES complimenting him bcs stef LOVES speaking the truth and what he says IS the truth#and josh LOVES hearing it and . UGHHH it's so MUSHY it's GROSS!!!!!!!@! grosser than the *** still in his ***#... even grosser than the fact that stef will sometimes hold off on cleaning up while walking away bcs he knows josh#as tired as he is.. will make the bed heave a great strain of spring and coils from the owner's devoted departure#following stef with blankets towels some freshly brewed tea and wrapping him into a big hug#as he breaks the singleperson couch from trying to cuddle like a giant dog that doesnt know it's a giant dog#MAYBE THEYRE GROSS AND SICK AND STUPID AND DOMESTIC OR WHATEVER! AND MAYBE DIGGS HATESLOVESHATESLOVESLOVES IT???#THATS THEIR BUSINESS !! AND IM UP PONDERIN IT 🗣‼️‼️ SORRY#ted sus#diggs/allen#ted redacted#it's late so ihope noone sees this LOL it's embarrassingfr 😭😭 IHATELOVE
9 notes
·
View notes