#like i dont want or expect all of this but the fact there's no little beach resort area is insane
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God i hate men who victimize and act oppressed. Tell me why i saw a bunch of butthurt men in the comments of this one video saying shit like "Opened up once.. never again." "And they wonder why we dont talk to them.." "This is why we dont talk about our emotions" like LMFAO WHATT For reference, the video was of this man sitting outside alone with a spool of wire, His wife said "What are you doing out here alone? I thought you were working?" and he said "This spool of wire has been with me for 40 years, and now its almost gone, look at what's left of it!.." and he was laughing and smiling. His wife had been filming him, confused on why he was sitting out there alone and concerned. In the end she said something along the lines of: "Oh, im sorry you feel that way, but im a little concerned because youre wearing your jetts hat and i thought they lost" and the man said "Goodbye" and rolled his eyes before getting up and leaving. There are MULTIPLE issues with this. The most prominent one here being the lack of communication on the mans end. She thought he was being happy because he was smiling, he didn't tell her he was out there because he was feeling sad or down, he just said something and she thought he was reminiscing. And because of this miscommunication, he got mad. He could've just said "No, i was out here because i feel like life has just been flying by recently. Can we sit here and chat?" and she would've listened, i mean, she came out there to check on him and was obviously concerned sooo..??
Also, people got pissy about her saying "i thought you were working".. LMAO?? She's just asking because she didnt expect to see him outside alone as its getting dark. The fact that she asked about his jetts hat as well makes me think he's done something irrational before when the jetts lost. I feel like men just can't communicate at all 🤷♀️ The men in the comments saying they'll never open up again over (1) issue is just sympathy seeking. They can literally find another person to talk to?? Think guys.. If you met someone who really messed you up, would you go looking for someone who acts just like them?? No. You'd avoid those types of people. So, it is EXTREEEMMELY easy for these men to just find new friends and people who will listen if they know who to watch for. 🤦♀️ This is so different from what women face, yet they find ways to compare us and see who has it worse despite the facts. Women run into evil people regardless of whether were looking for them or not. I was 15 when some 20 year old dude got into a relationship with me and groomed me. When i tried to leave, bro threatened to go back to the military and get himself killed. (He wasn't ever IN the military, he just wanted to make me feel guilty.) Little girls, young women, and mature women, will always have some asshole trying to get with them or some asshole trying to harass them. They cant simply walk away from that unlike men.
#gender abolition#gendercrit#radblr#radfeminism#radical feminism#radical feminist safe#radical feminist community#radical feminists do interact#terfblr#terfsafe
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NO WAY HOMESTUCK UPD8
ok i went thru 8r8k frame by frame on my second watch and made quite a lot of notes and i thought id post them bc its fun !
GOD TAVVY IS SO COOL… im so glad a tavros gets to be so cool holy shit, his name lives on 💪
sollux with the food delivery person 😭 something something essential workers in the middle of an apocalypse
god this song fucks so hard, ashamed i dont immediately recognize it from my teen years of only listening to hs soundtracks on repeat (ITS AGGRIEVOCATION FROM VOL 10. ROSE BANGER)
ok hold up. meenah with the red miles? OH nvm its her life powers… anti-red miles… infrared miles
THE ANCESTOR PAINTINGS RRHHHAAAGHHHHHHHHH
dissapointed tpose teenvriska <3
THE YIFFY AND KANAYA STAREDOWN… i LOVE the tavvy kick(insane) but i also wish we saw kanaya chainsaw a missile in half
UNCLE DAVE- 😭 wait does his captcha card say FA99YUNC. ok i think its AA99YUNC but PFFFFF (discord confirmed its 4A99YUNC. continues to be hilarious)
karkat nooo 😭 im glad he hasnt fallen into the trap of masc adulthood
I NEED TO TUCK THEM INTO BED OUGH THEYRE SO CUUTEEEEEE I LOVE HOMESTUCK ART
that hyperrealistic sollux is killing meeeee 😭
something. something about jade falling down and jakes fist closing and lighting up and aufhghgh SO GOOD I NEED TO RUN AROUND MY APARTMENT BUILDING IN CIRCLES BUT ITS SNOW
ok now i actually get to see wtf was up with jakes jesus moment
THE CRACKED GLASSSESSSSSSSS AND HER RISING UP IN THE FUCKING RESURRECTION RAINBOWWWW oh my god it looks so gorgeous
JADE CRACKING NECKSSSSS wtf is she even- is she like bringing their skulls outside of their heads and THEN cracking their necks? like theres an extra step here that i appreciate for the flavour girl
these 2 lovers on the battlefield having the shortest enemies to lovers that is possible in homestuck since usually it takes between 3 to billions of years for anyone else
wait i literally didnt even see that she pressed this.
christ the yiffy/fuchsia/carapacian/drone robot thing is so fucking cool i want to cosplay that IMMEDIATELYYYYYYY AAHHH
WHY IS VRISKA BONKING AND SHOOTING HER KIDSELF- i dont remeber what happened just before this- (got this explained and idk why i was suprised, she hates herself)
KARKATS LITTLE FUCKING. CRAB ROBOT!??!?!?! IM SLACK JAWED
holy shit ant man is here
little guys
seeing the contrast between the literal massive guy and fucking. that one guy that was a god i think? crying over his food delivery in the middle of a battlefield and saying um nope, is so funny
jake fucking. hope torch. (like from deadpool & wolverine)
OH. of course she finished on year 8. i should have seen that coming tbh
ohhhh ok she stole johns phone lmao-
NO BUT. the fact that teen vriska is so scared of her reaction and immediately recoils and puts her hands up in defence bc it seems vriska HAS been like. fucking with her trying to kill her and hurt her. so shes not at all expecting vriska to actually hug her and then immediately melts into her embrace…
i need a fucking minute oh my god 🥹 the vrisual novel and this has thoroughly made me a vriska lover
RUNNING THRU ALL THE PANELSSSS AAAAAAAGHHHHHHH SO GOOD
chewing on the hand mirror
VRISKA NEW OUTFIT LOOKS SO GOOOODDDD FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF the 8 into infinity… and beyond!! hehe
among us
OBSESSED WITH THE VRISKA DESIGN AAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oughghghghgh the permanent crescent moon but then vriska in front of it to Light up the whole thing- SCREAMINGGG
SHE BURNED AN INFINITY INTO THE GROUND IN HER FLYING RAMPAGE omfg
i just really enjoy the little pixellated jane
YEAH.
okay thats it im. wow. wow. WOW!!!!
GOOD NIGHT
#upd8 spoilers#upd8#homestuck up8#homestuck#homestuck beyond canon#beyond canon#hs#hsbc#hs:bc#homestuck 2#homestuck squared#does anyone still use that tag#anyway im AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! BEING HERE FOR UPDATES AGIAN IS SO FUNNNN THANK YOU BC TEAM YOUR EPIC#bear.txt
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I hate the stretch lines in the front of Curly's uniform because that means the devs rushed to make a model in like a month or so and thought "They gotta at least know he has huge knockers, gotta know he's got back pain." Cause like what is the thematic importance of his tits having overhang?
What responsibility is that representing? Breast reduction? It shows an inherent greed in his character due to the excess and heshouldletmeholdone and that he clearly is blinded cause if he tries to look down his damn ladder all he's seeing is his own cleavage.
#this is my curly slander post ig#disclaimer i need you to understand i see all fictional men i like as like butches Curly is no exception#but like they didnt need to add that many polygons to his chest like its unnessary and honestly a little mean he already has so many things#to handle and you expect him to hold those boys up like that just aint right this is like something so stupid but i know you can tell im#having strong feelings about it cause like what was the point why did they survive the fucking crash it has to be a injoke at this point#with the devs it shouldnt make me this mad im turning into a misandrist but only towards large chested men#mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#shitpost#suggestive#ig because this is just about his chest but like also they made him objectively pretty for no reason like yeah like ideal man and work ig#but they went over the extra mile like i have a right to be mad they did that much for a model we see canonically for like two seconds its#crazy actually how little we see of curly pre crash because we also lose his physical movements to help characterize him the way we see#body language with the other characters and how it gives way to their struggles and personalities and sentiments in certain moments#like all he does and how he emotes is stifled by the fact we always play as him until the last moments where he takes over to try and save#the ship and crew and even right before that the scene is so wrought with tension we cant tell what that look he gave Jimmy meant due to#the limitations of the models and how stiff Curly is like was it fear acceptance denial we dont know enought about how he acts himself#to tell and then everything else is charaterized by what Jimmy had done to where we dont really just get to see Curly as himself like Anya#and Swansea and Daisuke we have no idea how theyd act in a regular moment outside of a few glimpses and even then it is them doing#their jobs like grrrr we hate an unreliable narrator but also its the fact jimmy clearly does not interact with them or try to outside of#his position as copilot and then captain harkening back to the entire capitlist view of utility and how he views all of them as useless eve#Curly which fandom tangent the fandom also tends to do to Curly as they base every trait on what they think he failed to do as Captain#between Jimmy and Anya when the QnAs kinda make him out to be a rather open and willing person but still someone who isnt like a push over#just thinking of QnA three where it mentions hes very open to trying new things and you need to be an open minded person to open urself up#to failure like that and ig this is just the weird view that Curly needs to learn that or that theres redemption he needs personality wise#verses healing and learning from trauma like idk its the idea that people assume he did abosultely nothing when the games points out direct#and throught parallels he was taking actions its just wasnt enough and an over focus on absolute inaction vs ineffective methods used to#tackle the issues and themes the game grapples with plus wanting someone to take the blame and have to make it up to Anya even tho#i think it would mean nothing from Curly because she saw his efforts and would be disappointed it wasnt enough but the idea she would#disregard the attempts or not acknoweldge Jimmy as the epicenter compared ot Curly is weird and too focused on someone
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4fcbf9191c4cf957c746b233bb88eba9/c9b19591353e7757-63/s540x810/f2a16fbd2921dfdd5a324aca644a7a9e55cd9868.jpg)
#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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hi guys !! so, i cant sleep, aha...but thats finee !! its no specific reason im sure... ദ്ദി´▽`)
i have ruben with me though !! so its not like im alone or anything ahaha....a pig counts as company, doesnt he ? (。Ó﹏Ò。)
you know, since ive been awake thinking....about nothing in particular.....i was thinking back before in last post when i mentioned the whole minecraft thing ? ill spare the details, that story is like....an hour and 19 minutes tops to sit through i swear (*´▽`*)
but, SO much happened, we were so tired afterwards, id assume we did nothing for atleast a week or so (⸝⸝ ˊᗜˋ⸝⸝ )
BUT like ive been saying, im noooot worried !! theyre capable !! extremely capable im sureee !!! ദ്ദി´▽`)
but id much rather be in that moment all over again right now than be without them
its silly though !! im just rambling at night aha what am i thinking (´∇`'')
but yknow, id rather much relive the world for us nearly ending all together, then deal with a week without most of them
BUT like ive been saying, im noooot worried !! theyre capable !! extremely capable im sureee !!! ദ്ദി´▽`)
cause thats my friends !! we're all strong, we've been through alot, if we work well together theyll still be fine on their own im sureeee im suree !! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)
or well, atleast i keep trying to believe that right now....
#[ ooc tags start ]#[ ooc : hello hi okay so im trying a little something...you could say >:) ]#[ ooc : but im going to try scheduling posts throughout the night and ive never done that before so HOPEFULLY i dont mess up ]#[ but basically red's getting no sleep....but i want sleep....and i also dont wanna spam 8 long posts back to back either ]#[ sooo im gonna TRY to schedule posts every hour until i decide it tells enough of what im wanting or until its like morning time ]#[ so yes im posting but if theres any interactions IM NOT IGNORING IT just asleep with scheduled posts ]#[ but yeah no i have....an idea of sorts with this >:)) ]#[ although i apologize in advance if any of the posts sounds out of canon even though this blog is my interpretation either way but ]#[ ill bend canon if i have to because i think itll be.... interesting.... >:) ]#[ tldr: im scheduling posts all night to basically show red not getting sleep and having a crashout over their friends not being there ]#[ kinda ]#[ dont have high expectations but it might be cool if it works out how it does in my head LMAO ]#[ red missing friends saga ]#[ reds all nighter crashout ]#( <- might rename that tag later buut itll be fine i dunno if it rlly is a crashout but for convenience ill call it that rn its midnight as#-im typing all this even though im scheduling this for 1am)#[ red speaks ]#alan becker#animation vs minecraft#animator vs animation#avm red#red avm#[ scheduled post ]#[ ooc : ALSO ALSO i forgot to say it earlier amd im mobile browser rn so i cant move tags uhh but FUN FACT ]#[ the 'thatll be an hour and 19 mins story to explain' comment thing ?? thats a reference to how long avm s3 in real time is ]#[ sorry i love sneaking little small details in this stuff hehehe ]
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they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it
#i pirated that shit Btw just so we're clear. also gonna talk about it a little bit in the tags#nothing too spoilery but also might not wanna read if you want to go in knowing absolutely nothing? idk#anyway he WAS a main character still he was present for a decent amount of the first couple episodes#but the amount of screentime he gets just starts dropping after that . hes barely there at all in the second half ???#and it feels like theres a lot of scenes mostly focusing on wade and his problems and not near as many for knuckles and his whole deal#overall it feels more like a wade show with knuckles in it than a knuckles show with wade in it. which sucks#and human characters having plot relevance isnt the problem here i dont mind human characters at all i think they can be really fun#its the fact that the human characters are taking over the story and spotlight when the show is called knuckles#and all the marketing makes it look like knuckles is the main focus#and i also would have preferred if they just went with a differnet character to be knuckles' human friend#because i dont particulraly care about wade. and the knuckles (and sonic and tails) i know would not be friends with cops </3#well at least the story wasnt knuckles training wade to be a better cop like a lot of people were expecting but thats like.the bare minimum#also aside from the issues relating to knuckles' screentime (or lack of screentime) i thought the ending was unsatisfying#regardless of all that though there WERE some parts i enjoyed or found kind of funny or whatever. because knuckles so cutesy as always#knuckles being a cute little guy is the most important part of the show actually#and i liked the parts with sonic tails and maddie even if they were only there for like 5 minutes#(i really wish those three had gotten more screentime. i feel like they could have easily worked in at least one more scene with them)#and its a minor thing but the opening sequence is cute. was honestly expecting just a title card or something#overall the show is just . kind of okay i guess. not the worst thing ive ever seen but still disappointing ? idk how to explain..#my expectations also werent very high in the first place#so maybe im being a bit more generous than i would have been otherwise. idk#and i definitely would not recommend this to anyone who already dislikes the sonic movies . youll probably hate this more#like people who thought the human characters got too much screentime in the second movie would lose their minds if they saw this
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galar had a LOT of problems that many people have gone over many times but my nitpicky one is still that there's nowhere in the game that feels like a little nod to british seaside culture. like why did u bury devon and cornwall under a barrage of mountains pokemon, why did u do that
#WHERE'S THE TACKY LITTLE ARCADES.....THE 2P MACHINES....#THE BOXES OF FUDGE AND SHORTBREAD....#THE STICKS OF ROCK....STARING OUT FROM DARK WET BEACHES AT CHOPPY SEAS...#kitchsy souvnir shops where u canbuy little things with ur name on it.....THE STATIONARY CARAVANS/CARAVAN PARKS#like i dont want or expect all of this but the fact there's no little beach resort area is insane#idk those kinds of holidays- just going dow to the beach and staying in a caravan....#they're peak working class british culture#and as such are very dear to me lol#luke rambles#pokemon#pokemon swsh#and like dotn say hlubry bc like no thats just liverpool lol
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when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent
#well i'm not fucking talking to you am i#this is not directed at every reader but i think even if you think ''i'm not that bad#chilllli yelps#not everything autism/adhd/audhd does is cool we do annoying shit sometimes and that's just a fact that yall dont wanna hear#it's also ok to make mistakes and it's ok for your brain to have flaws#but also when you interrupt people to say smth that either no one cared to hear. no one was even saying. or fuck maybe someone already said#it. it's a little fucking annoying and when you do it over and over and over and over sometimes people get sick of your shit#you have flaws you are imperfect and your ego will be your social death if you do not learn to allow others to speak#fuck#if people start screaming at me btw cause i said smth that's true i'm blocking and deleting that shit#work on yourself#i also know yall are gonna be like ''oh well *I* never interrupt people and when i do i apologize you should at least do a small self evalua#just a small ''well do i listen to my friends very well? do i listen to the conversation i am a part of?"#also to yall who go into discord calls and lurk but sometimes talk think ''when i speak is it actually relevant to some extent?#or if you REALLY wanna talk about it it's ok just try to find a way to segway into what you wanna talk about cause that's how conversations#work.#i dont really expect this post to go anywhere tbh i'm just kinda frustrated cause i know a lotta neurodivert people who do this and idk how#say that interrupting people is annoying and disrespectful cause i know the brain chemical gets excited when it has smth it wants to talk-#about#i love you and i want you to tell me things. i also want to say things and when you talk over me to tell me things it comes off as you not#giving a fuck what i or others even are saying cause you're taking over the conversation with your shit that's irrelevant and no one has-#mentioned#idk i think i'm tired of seeing people be disrespected all the time but not knowing a polite way to tell them that they need to wait their-#turn to speak and when it's appropriate to change the subject
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idk if it's dysphoria or just regular ol insecurity or if maybe i just have a more Autistic Face/Body Language than i realized but when i see pictures of myself smiling there's like a 90% chance i look at them and kind of flinch. i've never seen a picture of someone else smiling and thought they looked bad but i feel like i look like a huge dork in pictures when i'm just candidly happy and it makes me really sad that other people just sort of effortlessly look good in photos and no matter what i do i look like the Bullied Social Reject Who Gets Asked To Prom By A Popular Kid Who Wants To Come Off As Kind And Empathetic
#eugh sorry this is such a shallow insecurity#literally one of my biggest sources of dysphoria is just. My Lips. as a kid i would constantly get asked if i was wearing lipstick#and that question lessened overtime because it's like. expected that someone who's usually read as a woman would be wearing lipstick#i used to literally practice holding my face/doing expressions in the mirror in a way that would minimize how much my lips stood out lmao#it's not even a feminine trait!!!! like it's not my fault western beauty standards expect men to have thin colorless lips#almost all the (cis) men on my mom's side of the family have Big Red Feminine Lips and it's. like. fine. lips aren't fucking gendered#but dysphoria knows know logic and that compounded with the fact that my expressions genuinely tend to be a little wonky#just. makes me feel Really Bad about my face in pictures#idk i just Hate My Smile and i feel like it makes me look ugly and like. i'm not gonna go get plastic surgery about it or whatever because#for me at least that feels really extreme and like an insecurity rabbit hole i dont want to go down#but also like. i just hate that i look shitty in almost every picture#and the only good pictures of me are carefully posed to look Pensive And Vaguely Sorrowful(tm)
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Okay I'm home now and i can fully and freely type. Anyway mild spoilers for into the spiderverse i guess?
❌❌❌
Anyway uh. Yeah it... It was a tiny bit of a disappointment. It didn't do it for me at all. I feel like this movie is more of an art exhibit and i mean that as a fucking insult. Like sure the animation fucks my ears are ringing and my head aches horribly (that's on me for thinking i can be autistic and watch this on theaters) but like, the story man? It just so much (DEROGATORY).
It commits the sin a lot of spiderman movies make and that is that it bit more than it could chew. Not because they're bad at handling a complex story, but because they tried to juggle like 5 at once. And that never fucking works (my ear is still ringing and it hurts I'm in pain rn -_+ just wanted y'all to know)
Like it introduced SO FUCKING MUCH and it all was cool yeah! Just like electro was cool, and Harry, and Gwen, and captain Stacy. You know what in trying to fucking say? There's only so much you can do in 2 hours and you can just throw all you have all at once at the viewer because all you'll do is leave them disappointed wanting for more of that.
I feel like a baby. They show me this cool thing but nuh uh! Enough of that! Here's this new cool thing! But nuh uh! Enough of that- and so on. Like there were so many cool characters and ideas and concepts and shit but it could barely balance it all. YOU KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THE SPOT?! HE BARELY WAS HERE!
It's like, you cannot fucking make a whole movie as the introduction to your next movie. That just sucks. You're setting yourself up for failure.
Like I'm just so upset bc it was full of amaizing things but it didn't fucking deliver in any of them!!!! And God don't get me started on the references. I think this was one of the worst ways to fill your movie with references. Like at least let me fucking process what I'm seeing if you are gonna waste so much time here, but also just... Don't make it so fucking blatant.
Like man i... This was a very experimental spiderman movie which i appreciate in a way but... It's not what I was expecting. To me, personally, it was disappointing. And also not designed at ALL to watch on cinemas. I think that last bit is just a fact.
I'm just kinda sad man. Like i loved Miles and Gwen's drama and i loved Miguel but I also wanted to see more of, you know, THE WHOLE FUCKING NEW CAST AND THE NEW FUCKING VILLAIN THEY INTRODUCED BUT SHOWED ONLY FOR LIKE 2-3 SEGMENTS MAX???????
LIKE HANDS ON HEAD EMOJI WHAT WERE THEY DOINGGGGG 😭😭😭😭
#luly talks#im sorry to the people who loved this movie i am so upset#on funnier news i found the spot is called la mancha in spanish which is funny bc mancha is what we call a common kids game#in fact i remember that the english name for that is tag we call that mancha#LA mancha#btw i did love Miles' mom having more of the spotlight it was like a little treat for us latinos fr#also. the amount of cop stuff was a bit too much. i wouldn't call it pro cop like some idiot i saw the other day but it. like. hm. y'know?#like this movie feels like an art project something you'd see the fans do and if they did you'd allow the imperfections#but it was made by an studio and there were expectatives in the table like it. it just doesn't stand on its own at all#I WANTED MORE OF PAV AND HOBBIE MAN. I FUCKING DID. HOBBIE ESP I HAVE A CRUSH ON EM#they/them too right? didnt really hear it well but I'm sure i heard em be called they#i will say tho i loved the pear shaped spiderwoman that was super cool#i did literally joke about being too fat to make a spidersona b4 watching the movie and sure she was a woman i aint but it was nice anyway#but yeah it just. it tried to chew more than it could bite. the spot was so cool tho#the spot and hobbie are my guys i love them#man I'm just sad i really am im repeating myself bc im too overwhelmed to retain thoughts so idk if im being clear but like#this movie had a LOT of good things but it delivered on nearly NONE of them#like just commit! you want this to be a story about Miles sure do that but just focus on him and that's it#dont throw in so much and leave us yearning for more bc now we have the old cast AND the new cast both and we barely saw any of these new#ppl interacting we barely fucking know them#anyway just SAD man
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Dont you love when someone says you are like family to them but also ignore you for months if you arent the one constantly seeking them out and the second they make plans with you they just stand you up
#i feel bad because its not like i believe u HAVE to constantly talk to someone to consider it a good relationship#but if only one party is making the effort...#it feels kinda disheartening you know? it breaks my heart a little even if I was totally expecting that#so you just feel like shit and then feel even worse because you 100% know tje other person doesnt feel that way at all. they dont care#and its not like i can even think to wish things were like they used to because maybe. things were never good#i just want to feel wanted even once. but the fact i still expect someday things may change is so childish#i also cant even bring myself up to complain about being forgotten because like. i know they may not have done that on purpose#but that hurts me even more than if i was being actively ignored on purpose#i have better friends. why do i even bother with this?#haunted.txt
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posting this probably just makes an answer from him more unlikely but idk idk i idkoidi id k
#i want to ask him what he thinks of my awful grades#the fact that i think anyone would have that on their mind enough to form an opinion on it just proves im needlessly self centered#why would i expect him to do that#the time i remember that i did ask him was the worst time imaginable so obviously he wouldnt be able to respond even if he did know#if he really does have any thoughts on it i dont even know if i would rather have a nice or a mean answer#but idk#i dont feel at all sorry for myself and dont see why anyone would ESPECIALLY in my case#even though he said that he has let his grades drop as well and can sympathize#my brain keeps telling me that it doesnt compare to having almost exclusively zeroes in every single class for over half the year#i know im a shitty person for applying that sort of logic to suffering when i know it doesnt work that way but#i cant bring myself to lie or try to act like the thought didnt occur#recently i have actually been able to think a little but that cant undo the past#i know that i wont struggle to learn all the ap material in time for the ap test and the sat is really easy#but that doesnt change the fact that a full ride is out of the picture completely with that flagrant tumor on my gpa#i dont think any college can overlook that even if i did everything after perfectly and i dont blame them#you dont just plummet like that once and have it never resurface
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As much as I can take pride in how I can draw mouths well & how fun it is to do like unique stuff w that, I always am antsy that it'll end up getting me looked at weird for drawing them or get me weird unnecessary comments.........
#been havin this thought since yesterday w the. mouth refs i drew for ishtar bc i wanted to like. show off little unique features bc.#its fun to me? to show little details & such like the fact they have glowy tongue or double fangs & such. when in alien self ofc.#but like... I've had a. history. of ppl always kinda. making. certain remarks. about how i draw mouths. & its always so..........#it makes me feel. uncomfortable.#now mind you i dont mind if friends make jokes (ideally as long as it doesn't touch on a certain thing that is a lil bit ick to me) bc like#its my friends so ofc they're allowed to say whatever the hell they want im not gonna give a shit my friends always have like.#open leeway freepass to almost any kind of remark & i will not care i'll find it funny. but its specifically when its from acquaintances#that i dont know well. or worse. from strangers. that i'll start to feel. a way about if they make those kinda remarks.#only instance i'd be bothered by friend makin a comment that's more out there is if its done in a way that's excessive? like as in#makin it seem like they're tryna reduce the thing i drew to just. that. or insinuate repeatedly i had diff intentions ww hat i drew.#(by taht i mean them imposing on me the idea that its for kink reasons which--dont. reduce me to that. please. its wildly uncomfy.)#(when you get reduced to just that i mean. bc i have had this happen/be done to me by ppl as. reducing me to just “kink person” or#other. kinds of. things like that.)#but w strangers its a hard please do not fuckin claim id rew that bc of. those reasons. at all. idc. or dont be weird ig is the gist.#anyway this tag ramble got lengthier than i expected so. whatever.#ishtar rambles ;#btw? this isn't me being against kink stuff. bc i dont judge for that. so do not twist this into some kink shame thing.#its just voicing this whole 'please don't reduce me to kinks only' issue i have had happen a lot.
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:(
#dude.#finally got to talk with him#and we were good all night#and then we get in bed and he's like groping me n stuff. i am literally About To Get Naked.#and he asks me if trans men experience misogyny or misandry??#so i was like uhhh. complicated subjet a lotta people fight about it. so he asked what do u think.#and i said it could go either way but i dont consider misandry a serious problemm#there is an issue in some spaces with people being treated poorly for masculine traits absolutely but it is far from oppression.#if someone says 'youre a man so you're gross' thats a dick move but its not oppressive. ig#and he completely shut down. stopped touching me and moved away#wouldnt say anything when i tried to ask him what was up except he kept saying its fine its fine#and then finally i got him to say 'i just didnt expect that answer'#and now hes all mopey and doesnt want anything to do with me#i feel crazy lmfao. is it not common sense that bigotry toward men is generally Not Serious like sure it's shitty but it is not oppression.#(on the basis of them being men. obvs men can experience other kinds of bigotry based on race/class/etcetcetc)#idek what to say.#im physically frustrated and emotionally frustrated and im hurt that he just shut down on me like that#like if he agrees that bothers me a little cuz feminism is something im passionate about and saying men are oppressed feels like its#belittling that#*disagrees i mean#but ultimately its fine. he can have his own opinions. but the fact that me having a different opinion from him made him totally shut down#on me is so shitty. and this is the second night in a ROW hes done this. i dont know what to do.
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prev post reminds me a friend told me last week she doesnt believe i actually struggle with emotional volatility/dysregulation like ive mentioned before bc shes never seen it firsthand...............
#i dont even know what to tell u girl. i couldnt even give her examples to dispute it bc i find it so shameful and difficult to talk abt#and it would probably be upsetting to her to hear the sort of things that have triggered me. and how ive coped with the outbursts#as if i dont structure all social interaction in my life around trying to swallow this shit down so ppl find me just about tolerable enough#genuinely hurtful thing to hear from someone i care abt. im not upset at her anymore abt it bc what would be the point man#i can understand why she thinks that + i cant control what she believes. but it did bother me a lot + some trust has been lost there.#esp considering she struggles w getting ppl to believe her when she talks abt how she feels bc she doesnt necessarily express it outwardly#in ways other ppl expect. like since ik that im always going to try to assume shes being honest so i dont disrespect how she feels#but its hypocritical + more than a little unfair to not offer other people the same trust + respect. why wont u take me at face value#and anyway why the hell would i say i struggle w controlling my emotions if i dont. what clout am i getting from claiming that#even admitting it is a hard thing for me.... and if thats too much for her to accept it just becomes a barrier in our friendship.#shame but i shouldve expected it tbh. anyway its ok ive moved on no point dwelling on it i dont want to bring it up again#bc theres nothing to gain from it. an apology wouldnt change anything since thats what she genuinely thinks#and whatever she wants to believe doesnt change the fact it is True and likely the biggest cause of strife I experience in my life#blegh stopping there bc im edging into rumination now#god im so tired. bedtime soon i think but maybe ill play a quick game or smth to make it to 10pm.... this week has been so long#.diaries
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