#[ although i apologize in advance if any of the posts sounds out of canon even though this blog is my interpretation either way but ]

[kittycatred]

hi guys !! so, i cant sleep, aha...but thats finee !! its no specific reason im sure... ദ്ദി´▽`)

i have ruben with me though !! so its not like im alone or anything ahaha....a pig counts as company, doesnt he ? (｡Ó﹏Ò｡)

you know, since ive been awake thinking....about nothing in particular.....i was thinking back before in last post when i mentioned the whole minecraft thing ? ill spare the details, that story is like....an hour and 19 minutes tops to sit through i swear (*´▽`*)

but, SO much happened, we were so tired afterwards, id assume we did nothing for atleast a week or so (⸝⸝ ˊᗜˋ⸝⸝ )

BUT like ive been saying, im noooot worried !! theyre capable !! extremely capable im sureee !!! ദ്ദി´▽`)

but id much rather be in that moment all over again right now than be without them

its silly though !! im just rambling at night aha what am i thinking (´∇｀'')

but yknow, id rather much relive the world for us nearly ending all together, then deal with a week without most of them

BUT like ive been saying, im noooot worried !! theyre capable !! extremely capable im sureee !!! ദ്ദി´▽`)

cause thats my friends !! we're all strong, we've been through alot, if we work well together theyll still be fine on their own im sureeee im suree !! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

or well, atleast i keep trying to believe that right now....

[tubbytarchia]

Thank you anon, I'm so glad you see the vision!! I summed up a bunch of my thoughts in this post but it's mostly about hypotehtical scenarios and kinda cringe haha, so i'm gonna try and formulate my thoughts again as to why I find their potential dynamic so appealing

I'm forever plagued by the fact that they only interacted once, but that one interaction is so so important to me and I think says so much about how Doc would treat Jimmy. This may sound like I'm infantilizing Jimmy which I apologize for in advance, but Jimmy does quite literally get infantilized in canon and he tends to speak in a childish manner. He is very much not incompetent as if he were a child, moreso someone who's just been made to believe themselves to be that way, and that needs addressing first before he can rise to his full potential if he is to continue to try and get by in an environment that constantly knocks him down

As in the one interaction they had, in which Doc instantly picked up on what Jimmy genuinely needed, I believe he'd be able to pick up on Jimmy's wants and needs without direct verbalization, which is good because Jimmy wouldn't be able to place, let alone communicate the intricacies of his woes. At most, Jimmy is able to make blunt statements like "I didn't like that" or "This makes me unhappy". This is also helped by their dynamic in my head being explicitly not romantic, knowing how his romantic or debatably romantic partners have treated him (eg even Tango, although VERY sweet and good to him, fails to recognize Jimmy's continued need for support, especially when he doesn't communicate that, and goes along with jokes made at Jimmy's expense as easily as most other players do even though he means no malice)

You'll have to bear with me on the symbolism here but more on their interaction and Doc saying "I want to take you into my hands and take you to a safe place": to me Jimmy is very much a caged bird, but freeing him is not going to help him when the cage is all he knows. Doc could be that person to make it a safe place with encouragement and gentleness, in which Jimmy can have that push to both grapple with his feelings and open up, but ultimately leaving the cage of his own accord. Doc referred to Jimmy triggering his "parental instincts" himself, and knowing how gentle and protective he can be, I fully believe in him providing Jimmy that safe place he needs; to provide him a home in which Jimmy can feel welcomed back into, which is something Jimmy has struggled with (his tendency to run away from "home" and not daring to return if he underperforms at something or if he feels he's done something unforgivable)

This is very apparent now with the "I'm not a toy" declaration Doc made whilst viewed as a spectacle in his Skyblock prison, but in general Doc has never been fond of being played or made fun of. He does not let go of grudges and he will go to whatever lengths it takes to come out on top when his image is challenged, so he was always going to be able to empathize with Jimmy to some degree and I have no doubt he'd become defensive on his behalf. His competitive and often bitter nature is definitely not always a positive, but Jimmy could use someone as vocal and open as Doc to stand for him as he hasn't been allowed to and no one else (aside from Joel in recent times) has for him before

Basically I think Doc should be allowed to be a bit of a dad to Jimmy and provide him a place to help kickstart any healing because I believe him to do so if given the chance

[immortalled]

hi! i’m so sorry if this is strange, i’m just working on a story and i’d love a second opinion ^^’ no pressure to answer this at all! it’s very hard to explain without proper context so bare with me

i was wondering how you think nathan would react upon finding out he’s the only person who can kill a creature that’s been plaguing him and his friends for a while, in a sort of IT inspired way? most of his friends would be dead at this point, so it’d be like a heroic attempt to make up for their losses by strapping himself with explosives lmao

he’d be around the age he appears in the show but in a tiny rural town setting with no powers

it’s a little up in the air for me on whether he would do it and what could happen afterwards, i’ve kept this quite vague mostly because it is just a loose storyline i’ve strung together while listening to a song, but if it sparks anything for you i’d love to hear!

Hi, Nonnie! Not strange at all! I love talking to people. ♥ (And apologies in advance, this got long because I started analyzing him LOL. Please feel free to skip the analysis under the cut if that doesn't interest you.)

Okay, so first off, I'm flattered you're asking me, and secondly, this sounds like a really fun fanfiction. If you're comfortable, I'd love to read it! If you ever post it on Ao3, please feel free to drop me a link! I'll subscribe!! c:

As for your question... Of course, please do always play with him however you want! I'm far from any kind of... idk, definitive authority on his character LOL, and fancreations are your own sandbox, so I'd never want anyone to change what they want to do based on my or anyone else's personal interpretation of a character. But! My personal two cents is that whether or not Nathan would sacrifice himself like that is really down to how strong his connection with his friends has grown and if he thinks there is anything to gain or save by doing so!

Nathan Young is a character who loves living. He's the embodiment of the early 2010s YOLO motto and that particular brand of unapologetic, teenagery/young adult joie de vivre attitude is why I think the storm gave him immortality as a super power. The rooftop scene in the S1 finale is a great example of this and his entire speech about going crazy while you're young, even if it's dangerous, is actually a really solid look into Nathan's worldview and what seems to drive his impulses. In fact, I think rewatching that entire episode might help you get a better perspective on Nathan and how he might handle the situation in your fanfic!

So, that is to say, I don't think mortal!Nathan is the kind of person to sacrifice his life for anything without very good reason. In fact, I'd argue that he wouldn't at all without immortality as a safety net. He's kind of a coward at times and tends to dodge anything painful or unpleasant, be it emotional or physical. But let's look at the times he sacrificed or almost sacrificed himself in canon!

S1E6 - Falling from the Wertham Community Centre. Nathan does not know he's immortal here and he almost doesn't go back for his friends at all. He only decides to try stopping Virtue because he's been pushed to the edge and realizes how much his weird little ASBO family means to him. Without them, he's totally alone again, and Nathan hates being alone. Although, in fairness, I also do not think Nathan believed there was a possibility of dying in this scenario. Rachel was mind-controlling people, not murdering them, and he clearly did not account for the fact that either of them would lose their balance. I am unsure that he would have done any of this had he known he might not make it out alive... maybe if he had exhausted all other options? Either way, the key here is that he did take risks because he thought he could still save his friends.

S2E2 - Trying to save Jamie. Nathan doesn't think before running toward the burning car to save his half-brother. He could have died here because the ecstasy he took reversed his power, but it's unclear whether or not he heard Simon's warning or if it would have made a difference. Considering how blind the reaction looked, I don't think being immortal or mortal would have mattered. But, still, he was acting on the hope that he could save Jamie.

S2E4 - Almost lets Tim gut him. In order to keep his friends from being killed by Tim the Crazy GTA NPC, Nathan agrees to be killed in their stead. However, he has to be pressured into it by his friends despite knowing he will come back to life. I think Nathan would have deeply regretted it if he had let Tim kill them, but in that moment he was far more afraid of the pain of death than anything else.

S2E6 - Suicide for fame and going toe-to-toe with the Murderous Milkman. This is one of the best examples of Nathan's growth and how he has begun to cope with his power in an extremely unhealthy way. In this episode, we see him toy with the idea of allowing himself to be killed for fame (albeit not without a little bit of peer pressure from his manager), which he does on-camera. We also see him try to legitimately fight someone for the first time when he seeks out Brian specifically for revenge after learning Brian murdered Kelly. In both instances, Nathan knows he will or could die, but he's willing to go through with it anyway because he's immortal. Dying hurts, it sucks, but he's learning to see it as something unimportant when he's able to come back to life. Obviously, he wouldn't kill himself on camera without immortality, but I think it's fair to question whether or not he'd attack someone out of revenge for a dead friend. Maybe? I don't personally think so, but it might be worth watching this episode again and analyzing the scene for yourself.

S2E7 / The "Christmas Special" - Blocking a gunman from shooting his friends. I admittedly have some beef with the characterization and overall writing of this episode, but I don't think that this particular scene is OOC. In this episode, an armed gunman bursts into the bar where Curtis works and is about to shoot. Nathan wastes no time getting in front of the gun and telling him to shoot, who cares, he's immortal. It's all very badass until he's reminded uh oh! he sold his power and is actually mortal now. Realizing that, Badass Hero Nathan vanishes and he flings himself out of the way to avoid being shot (which gets Nikki killed in the process). Now, obviously, this scene is set up entirely just to fridge Nikki and you could argue that Nathan isn't as close to Nikki as his other friends, but I don't think that would have mattered. If Nathan, mortal, had the choice between jumping between his friends and a bullet or hiding... I really do think he'd hide.

Don't get me wrong, Nathan can be selfless and heroic. The fact that he's immortal does not cheapen the fact that he was willing to endure the pain of death and what appears to be a very unpleasant resurrection process for the sake of potentially saving or avenging his friends. Nathan's an ass, and he's regularly selfish, but he is not a bad guy and he sticks his neck out for people he loves way more often than any of them give him credit for. But I also just do not think that he'd be willing to sacrifice or get himself hurt if he had no supernatural "take-backs". If he sacrificed himself, I think it would have to be accidental, as with running to save Jamie; some great, fatal risk that he does not consider fatal because he's too wrapped up in an emotion greater than his fear of dying.

For your story, I think you would have to either push him to the point of not being able to think past a greater fear, or you would have to remove all other options from him. Friends gone, family gone, way of living, maybe even the rest of the world, gone. Or perhaps he's trapped, somehow, in a place where he can't return to the rest of the world? Maybe he's stuck in a place where it will forever be just him and the monster that's been hounding them. I think that he would have to sit with that revelation for a while, wear down, and then maybe he would seriously consider destroying himself to destroy the creature, if the alternative is too suffocating and grim to bear. Whatever the reason, without his friends to save, the catalyst for his decision would need to be something that directly affects Nathan, not people who are no longer alive.

Anyway, that's just my very long two cents. Again, fictional characters are up to interpretation and I think most any character can be pushed and changed to do whatever you want in the right circumstances, especially AUs. So don't let my opinions stop you if you want to take his character a different direction! The most important thing is to have fun and write the story you want to tell. c:

If you have any more thoughts or want to brainstorm some ideas, though, I'm happy to bat around some stuff with you and see what sticks! I read IT several years ago and loved it, so seeing the Misfits gang thrown into a similar situation sounds like a ton of fun.

[strange-destinations]

You mentioned transcripts of your Doctor Who RPG games. Any chance you might be willing to share them? (only if you want)

Of course! Here's The Big Masterpost of all our transcripts and audio files, updated as often as we play. Feel free to read and/or listen to as many as you want - I like to think I keep it pretty organized. Some things to note:

We pass around the GM crown from person to person, so we can all have a swing at running the game and also all get to play. So that's why our characters sometimes keep getting knocked out at the start of the arc and dragged offscreen, and why the GMing isn't consistent.

The sound editing can be a little hit-and-miss since I'm often speedrunning the editing/transcribing thing, so I apologize in advance if it ever gets funky or unlistenable. That's what the transcripts are for, I guess.

As of posting this, we've just wrapped up our fourth 'serial' and are probably going to kick off a new one next week! So now's a pretty good time to catch up with the story if you're curious.

Other links and content under the cut:

@trailmixtime's Thieves and TARDISes tag has most of our memery, art, and writing-related bonus content saved. (I have a tag for it too, but sometimes I'm a bit hit-and-miss when it comes to saving it all, so!)

I compose music for the campaign and edit it into the audio (along with sound effects and such) when the fancy strikes me. A playlist of all that original music can be found here!

The song used for the 'previously on' recap (and also the Doctor's theme) is this one. It's a banger, lads.

If you ever hear us reference a companion or some events that you are 100% sure are not canonical or even semi-canonical in the DWEU (for example, Millie or Roman) - that may be because we accidentally sort of ended up setting our game post-the Game of Rassilon, that one RPG podcast that I never stop talking about. It's very good, but you really don't need to listen to it to understand what's going on. We're just massive nerds who couldn't help ourselves.

Also, I'm extremely aware that we don't introduce our characters in very much detail in that first adventure, so I have prepared a handy little guide to the party down below (with bonus pictures!):

The Doctor (played by me!) - well, it's the Doctor. She's at a amorphous point in the future, far past anywhere we've seen in the TV series, and is very newly regenerated. In my head played by a Puerto Rican actress (a lot of planets have a Puerto Rico!). Fond of cats cradle, colors, plants. Not fond of eating.

Leela (played by @trailmixtime) - yes, that Leela. Plucked from the start of Gallifrey season one, Leela still has no idea what's happened to her husband. Working for President Romanadvoratrelundar (of course), rarely without a knife or janis thorn or two. K9's with her, also. (Good boy, K9!) Big ol' sweet tooth.

Unit-17, otherwise known as Dissent (played by @liria10) - a hospitality robot from the future gone rogue, Dissent is on a quest to reach the top of the most-wanted list. That's right, it's crime time. Eternally cheerful, just here for fun and chaos and thievery.

Caryophyllene, although we just call them Caryo for short (played by @bird-of-paradox), is a member of a a race of arachnoid psychic warrior spiders who use a scent-based language (the TARDIS is working overtime to translate, but we're managing). They're a semi-professional thief and very good at being sneaky and disruptive. We all love Caryo.

Verity Brown (played by @raindropsonwhiskers) hails from 1840s New York, where the Doctor and the rest of Team TARDIS picked her up. She was a weaver at the Ballston Mill Company until she got swept up in a bit of an adventure, and now she is having a very weird day. Down to fight, especially if said fighting involves asshole Time Lords.

Also, she might be a bit traumatized at this point. But that's all right! We're all traumatized here on the TARDIS! Ha ha haaa. We need therapy.

[princess-of-inarizaki]

this is so random but can you do a fluff headcanon of seeing his s/o in a kimono for Sakusa, Suna, and Atsumu. And maybe kuroo, komori, and kita too I watch this todomomo CD drama the other day where the two saw each other in festival and they're like so cute frickin' cute todoroki compliment Momo, being kinda open towards her, and Momo just being really soft and cute makes me giggle and smile.

AHHH that is just such a good idea. I'm always so soft when they see each other wearing yukata's or kimono's at festivals. I only wish they had that sorta stuff where I live too 😭🤚💕💕💕✨

And omg yghhhh todomomo is such a cute ship, like I genuinely adore them both so much >:(

The boys seeing their cute s/o in a kimono

Characters: Atsumu, Kita, Suna, Kuroo, Sakusa

Warnings: none

Atsumu

Okay so Atsumu would definitely be extremely smooth. like he's internally freaking out and thinking you look so adorable!! but on the outside he's just trying to play it cool so you don't catch on.

His eyes would literally not leave you and he's just taking in how you look the entire time.

“yer ready ta go babe?” with this hot ass smirk on his face.

You're just blushing and you nod and follow him, your geta making sounds beneath you.

When you reach there, you're buying takoyaki, and you ask him if he wants some.

He ends up eating almost everything, like what the heck, man?

Apologizes and buys you more.

Would definitely try to show off and win you stuff at the festival to prove how manly™ he is, and also hopes he impresses you in the process.

“hey babe, watch me win this for you” and he's having a full-fledged war with the kid he's competing with.

He ends up winning and sticking his tongue out at the kid. Because it's basically canon that his mental age drops to 5 when he's competitive about things.

You just ruffle his hair and congratulate him.

Would definitely do the whole yawning and bringing you closer to him thing, when you've decided to take a break and rest.

He's trying to be slick, please don't call him out.

Your friends text you, telling you about the firecracker show and you ask Tsumu if he'd be okay to stay for that.

He practically jumps!! at the chance!! I mean, more time spent with you is always good :]

Asks if he can have your first kiss under the firecrackers. He's a consensual king

After you say yes, he'd just gently cup your face and lean down (WE LIVE FOR MFING HEIGHT DIFFERENCES!!) and kiss your lips gently at first, as the sky is filled with bursts of colour.

Y'all definitely end up making out but that's a different story

Walks you home after everything is over, and tells you how much he liked spending time with you on the way home.

“ya looked beautiful today, y/n-chan” and he has the shyest look on his face.

You kiss his nose and walk inside, leaving him flustered on your doorstep.

Kita

Plans this weeks in advance, after hearing about the festival, and musters up the courage to ask you to go with him.

You jump at the chance. At first you think the whole team is coming along, until a flustered Kita says “i hope it would just be the two of us.”

Your eyes widen and you're both just blushing messes looking at the ground.

You both arrive early, and laugh, seeing how you had the same idea to come a bit earlier.

He looks at you in the kimono and takes a few deep breaths before genuinely complimenting you in the most poetic way possible?

“your beauty is unrivalled, y/n-san. Even the brightest lamp is nothing when compared to the radiance you emit.”

And you're just so Mcfreaking flustered™?????? Like where did he learn how to make your heart go doki doki like that omg

You guys would probably be very rational about making your way around the festival.

Food first, and maybe we'll play some games later?

He definitely pays for everything ugh, such a gentleman, eventho you told him it was okay.

And old lady at one of the stalls flusters the two of you by saying he has such a pretty girlfriend.

And he just smiles, with flushed cheeks. Neither of you disagree.

It starts drizzling and the two of you find shelter under a tree.

You're a bit sad about how your kimono got a bit ruined after slipping in some mud, and he gently helps your roll the area up and wipes it with a tissue.

He also smiles and tries to crack a joke by saying “the clouds thought you were so beautiful, they started crying” as he gestured to the rain.

Although the fireworks show was cancelled, Kita wrapped his arms around you and kept you warm, as you talked so many things, whilst waiting for the rain to stop.

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise :)

He gently holds your hand at some point too, and plays with your fingers, pressing a small kiss to the back of your hand.

The rain finally stops and he walks you home, thanking you for spending time with him.

You take a deep breath and kiss him before entering your house, and he smiles through the kiss.

“i've always wanted to do that” he says softly, after kissing you gently again and waving goodbye.

Suna

Going out with Suna was definitely an impromtu plan of some sort. Like he just randomly texts you, asking if you want to go and you agree.

Definitely sends you a few memes about how he can't wait and begins to get ready.

You guys meet there and both of you are just so shocked at how the other looks.

Suna thinks you look gorgeous, and he tries to tell you in a teasing way. Much like Atsumu, he's trying to play it down when he's actually so flustered.

“hey dork, you don't look too bad”

You're not good at hiding your thoughts though, and you blurt out a rushed “Suna were you always this hot?” gesturing to his Yukata.

Y/n-chan I think you broke Suna.

He's just a flustered mess and he doesn't reply, instead saying he's hungry and buying something to eat. He buys one for you too, and suggests you guys walk and eat at the same time.

Definitely shows you memes and takes videos of you as the night progresses and the two of you loosen up and start doing dumb stuff.

Takes lots of pictures of you so he can document how pretty you look and keep it with him.

You pose for some, whilst some are just totally candid, with absolutely no pretense, your beauty in its natural glory.

Suna is just so whipped, and he knows he'll regret it if he doesn't tell you honestly, so he wipes some sauce off from the side of your lip and kisses you gently.

It's a quick peck, but it took lots of courage.

“i mean to tell you earlier, y/n, but you look beautiful in this kimono”

You smile, and he's just so super happy he got over his nerves.

“thank you Suna. I think you look amazing in your yukata” you say softly, as you run your fingers along the hem of it, feeling the soft material beneath your fingers.

The fireworks are just streaking bursts of colour across the sky, and you're looking into each others' eyes with so much adoration.

“just now's kiss was too short” you murmur softly as you capture him in a passionate kiss.

It gets really late, and you guys go home. He makes sure you're walking back with your friends before heading home himself.

Calls you after he reaches home and tells you he had an amazing night.

He definitely looks over all the pictures he took of you and makes one of them his lockscreen

Kuroo

I actually mean this if I could date any of the hq boys I would date Kuroo. He's such a sweetheart and I adore him to bits and pieces.

So Kuroo asks you to the festival with a bet. He's like “if Nekoma wins this match, you'll go on a date with me to the festival, kitten.”

And he has the hottest smirk on his face. Like stfu and leave some pretty for other men >:(

You're so flustered but you eventually agree.

No surprise that Nekoma wins both sets and it's mainly because Kuroo didn't let a single ball go past him, he was literally on fire.

So he's smiling and tells you he'll pick you up at 8.00.

I'm pretty sure Kuroo is a total gentlemen, so he meets your parents they totally love him and he's just waiting for you to come down when he sees how lovely you look in a kimono, and he's the literal embodiment of the 😍 emoji.

Like he can't tear his eyes off of you and you're getting so flustered, so you just drag him out of the house and to the festival.

“Such a dom, aren't you kitten?”

When you're at the festival he tries playing a game. He wants to win you something, so he's pretty serious and focused.

He ends up winning and he's all like “so I got reward for you. Do I get a reward from you?” and he's just lowering his face to meet yours.

So you grudgingly kiss his cheek but you definitely loved it, ok?

He definitely buys food and will not eat any of it unless you feed him.

Feeds you too, and takes cute selfies to post on his Instagram.

You guys end up taking a lot of selfies together and trying out all the cute filters. Kuroo's favourite picture is one of you looking at him whilst talking to him, your eyes super bright, and he's just smiling for the camera, but his eyes are on you.

Makes it his phone wallpaper on the spot, to your delight.

Informs you of a fireworks show happening in a little while, and settles down to find an empty place to enjoy it.

Wraps as arm around you because it's apparently "cold" and "your kimono won't keep you warm like his arms will"

You complain but secretly love it.

He then goes full-on nerd more and explains the science behind fireworks, whilst the colours are filling the night sky.

But he soon goes quiet after seeing the colours reflected in your eyes. He's so shy, and he literally can't help himself, he kisses your lips softly.

You guys totally smile into the kiss ugh this is so cute.

Takes you home responsibly and thanks you and your parents before leaving.

Sends you a thank you text before falling asleep, dubbing the night he saw you in a kimono "the best night of his life, to date"

I'm gonna cry Kuroo is so important to me, I love him so much.

Sakusa

Okay in my opinion, you'll have to be the one asking Sakusa out. He'll be super moody about it, but internally, he's dying to go.

You arrive at his doorstep to pick him up and he's just blushing at how cute you look in the kimono.

Like wow aight thank God I'm wearing a mask because this blush is fresh as heck +_+

Silently passes you a tube of hand sanitizer and you're so confused.

“if you put this on, we'll be able to hold hands.”

You're close to dying, no one has ever been able to touch Sakusa's hands, or hand sanitizer before. So you eagerly put it on, and intertwine your soft hands with his.

He's just so touch starved, so he holds your hand tighter as you guys make your way to the festival.

Sakusa hates it there. He waits for you to buy food before finding a secluded area to get away from the crowds.

You're also kinda glad you'll get to spend some time alone with him, so you aren't complaining.

You guys talk about lots of things, you definitely being the more flirty one in the conversation.

You suddenly muster up the guys to tug his mask down softly, seeing his pink cheeks and soft smile.

“can I kiss you?” you ask gently, eyes fixated on his lips.

“yes” he breathlessly replies, as your lips make your way to his, the sky is lit with fireworks, but the two of you hardly notice.

Your hand is tangled in his soft curly hair, and you're both blushing messes.

He walks you back, this time, and thanks you for spending a wonderful night out with him.

Low-key feels bad that you didn't get to enjoy the festival properly, so he tries to make it up to you by buying you lunch the next day. Very wholesome 10/10

[Ari's note: AHHHHH This was such a whirlwind to write it actually took me so long so I hope you enjoy this <3]

Taglist: @k-sakusa-old

[the-stubborn-exchange-student]

Pride Cometh Before the Fall

(So the backstory behind this is that I saw this post has stuck with me since I first read it, and because negative thoughts like to do me dirty, I couldn’t help but think, “hm...but what if...he did value his pride/reputation more than you?")

Pairing: Lucifer X Alexis (...?)

Summary: Word’s begun to swirl around RAD that the Avatar of Pride has gotten soft since spending more time with the human exchange student. Lucifer’s solution to the problem is influenced too much by his pride, and comes with consequences of its own.

Notes: I apologize in advance; this is probably going to end abruptly and the reason for that is while I’ve imagined quite a few scenarios of how this story ends, I haven’t quite figured out which ending I want to be “canon”, so to speak. Although for the sake of my heart, let’s...just say that this isn’t quite canon at all, and is instead something that goes down in an alternate timeline ^^;

Gonna go ahead and tag @kcabyap​ real quick, both because they kinda encouraged me to go ahead and write the angsty scenario, and also because this story touches on part of an RP I have with them. Well, not “touches on” so much as “gives a brief little cameo to”, but still.

The halls of RAD had gone quiet. Most students had left the school behind as soon as the final classes ended, and the few who remained could hardly hope to provide the same amount of chatter and noise that those walls saw during a normal school day.

Seeing a school after hours had always been one of those strangely eerie feelings, ones where Alexis felt like she was wandering somewhere she had no business being. And normally, she wasn’t fazed by this feeling. There had been plenty of instances, plenty of places where she’d had no business being, and she’d made it her business anyway.

But this...this was different. This felt genuinely unwelcoming, like she’d been lured somewhere unsafe, like she’d turned on the lights in a dark room she thought she knew well only to realize that she’d walked into somewhere entirely unfamiliar and unwelcoming. And it wasn’t the setting that was to blame.

No, it was the conversation she was having, the words she was hearing, that made everything feel as though the world had suddenly gone so very cold.

“W-what...what do you mean, ‘it’s over’?” Her voice shook, cracked, wavered with every throb of a heart that was suddenly feeling far, far too much of what it had always feared.

“Please don’t play dumb, Alexis. It doesn’t suit you.” Lucifer’s voice, on the other hand, was as steady as ever, cool and detached and almost impersonal.

She hated it.

“What did I do? What did I do wrong?”

“You’ve done nothing. This is simply what’s necessary.”

“’What’s...what’s necessary? Necessary for who?”

“As the right hand of Lord Diavolo--”

Lucifer was interrupted, none too ceremoniously, by a disbelieving, indignant noise that clawed its way out of Alexis’ throat. He turned to face her--a blessing and a curse, Alexis thought as his eyes bored into her own--before beginning to speak again.

“As the right hand of Lord Diavolo, and a member of the student council, it’s important that I maintain a position of respect. That I uphold a certain image, one that is not and cannot be perceived as weak or compromised--”

His words gave way to nothing more than a dull ringing in her ears, sinking in with all the gentleness and subtlety of hammered nails. He could not be saying what Alexis thought he was saying...could he?

“Are...a-are you serious?” Alexis breathed. Her voice was quiet, so very quiet, and yet it was almost deafening in how it cut through Lucifer’s words. His excuses. “You...after everything, you’re...you’re dumping me because you think I make you look bad??”

“Alexis, you have to understand--”

“No, no! No, I absolutely don’t, and I can’t! Do you think you’re the only one people talk about? That some random demon’s opinion is the thing that’s gonna make or break your worth? No one worth your time is going to condemn you for having a heart, Lucifer!”

...Unless...

...Unless he’d never had one...

Alexis could vaguely make out the look of surprise on Lucifer’s face as her outburst flared up, then seemed to flicker just as quickly. Her vision was blurring, hot tears welling up and racing one another down her face.

When had she started crying?

“D-Did any of this ever mean anything to you? Did...did I ever mean anything to you...?”

Silence. Nothing but a deathly silence and the sound of her own, barely-restrained sobs as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, shaking hands balled into fists so tight her knuckled flushed white.

“ANSWER ME, LUCIFER!!”

It wasn’t quite an order, wasn’t intended to be one, and yet for a moment the demon winced as if the pact’s magic had decided to enforce her words all the same.

“...Yes. And you still do mean a great deal to me.” Lucifer murmured, already doing everything in his power to ignore how every part of him ached, how all he wanted was to take these cruel words back, to wipe away her tears, to go home and hold her until they both forgot this conversation ever took place. But it was as if some part of him was forcing him to keep speaking, to keep pushing her further and further away from him.

"But it doesn’t matter now. You have your part to play here in the Devildom, and I have mine. What we had couldn’t have lasted.”

“You led me on.” It would have been all the more accusatory, had her voice not broken so badly she almost couldn’t manage to get the words out. “You...you said you loved me. That nothing would....”

That nothing would come between them.

Nothing but his own damn pride.

“I wish I’d never given you that letter.”

It was such a simple phrase, but Lucifer let out what may have been a small gasp, something very much akin to hurt flickering across his face. Alexis’ heart ached at the sight, but as upset as she was, she was also angry. What right did he have to be upset??

“I wish I never gave it to you. I wish I’d burned it as soon as I wrote it. I wish I’d never come here and I wish I’d never met you! You played me!”

She couldn’t bear this. She couldn’t stand this. She couldn’t be near him any longer, not when he’d torn out her heart for the sake of his own image. She couldn’t, she couldn’t she couldn’t she couldn’t she couldn’t--

“Please, love--”

A gloved hand reached for her face, shaking ever so slightly. Alexis shook her head and forced herself to slap his hand away. It didn’t matter how badly she wanted to lean into it, lean into him. She couldn’t let herself.

“STAY!”

Lucifer’s pact mark flared to life for a brief moment, warmth sparking from the center of her back. The demon in front of her halted, hand still reaching for her even as their pact’s magic bound him to the spot.

Alexis let out a shaky sob before turning on her heel and running down the hallway. She kept her eyes trained on her feet, on the walls moving past her, on the lights illuminating the hall, anything to keep herself from looking back.

She knew if she did, she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to keep running.

[piggy-i-broke-the-conch]

Guide to LotF Ships:

Hello! So, it's been a while since I last made a proper post on here and I've been thinking of making something like this for a little while now so here goes! Basically this is a guide to the 'main' ships in the fandom (aka the ones I've seen the most in fanfiction and fanart). Each ship will be divided into two sections-canon interaction and fandom interpretation. I figured this might be helpful to anyone new to the fandom or just interested in why people ship certain things!

(apologies in advance for any incorrect quotes, chapter numbers or other errors- I decided it would be a great idea to write this at 3am while citing everything from memory except one quote)

1.) Jalph (Jack x Ralph)

Easily the most popular ship in the fandom, it's not surprising to see why this is a ship given that it involves the two most prominent characters in the novel. However, there is also a sizeable amount of fans who dislike the pairing- potential reasons for this will be covered below.

Canon Interactions:

Where to start with this one? Jack and Ralph's relationship is arguably one of the most significant ones in the novel, providing a source for much of the conflict within the story. At the beginning, their relationship is amicable and they consider each other to be friends- 'They were lifted up, were friends'. However, as the novel progresses their differing opinions lead to them becoming more and more at odds with one another until eventually their relationship falls into complete disrepair. In the middle of the novel their relationship goes through a period of love/hate- 'They stared at each other, baffled, in love and hate' (if you've been in the fandom for a while or are a jalph shipper you've probably seen this quote pop up a fair bit). At the end of the novel, however, it is clear that at the very least Jack seems to completely hate Ralph (throwing a spear at his chest 'with full intention', heavily implying he genuinely intended to kill him). Ralph also asks him 'Why do you hate me?' at one point, which Jack neither accepts nor denies. Ralph seems to have some regrets about the downfall of their relationship, with the memory of he, Jack and Simon climbing the mountain in Chapter 1 being the thing that ultimately causes him to break down and cry in the final chapter.

Scenes which are popular with shippers include the argument between Jack and Ralph in which the 'love and hate' quote appears, with several having pointed out that it sounds a bit like the sort of argument a married couple would have ('I work here all day with nothing but Simon and you come back and don't even notice the huts!'). Some people also consider Jack following Ralph to Castle Rock in Chapter 7 because he 'Couldn't let [Ralph] do it on [his] own' as a sign that Jack cares about Ralph's wellbeing although I personally disagree with this. The early interactions between Jack and Ralph in which they have a more positive relationship are also fairly popular. There are literally so many more examples I could bring up here, I could and probably should make a whole separate post about it.

Fandom Interpretations:

Jalph is portrayed in a number of different ways within the fandom. Generally it is considered to be a love/hate or enemies to lovers pairing, with the relationship between the two varying from a friendly rivalry to complete enemies depending on the fic (the hate aspect of their relationship is more often toned down in modern AUs/school AUs, understandably so as it would be a bit weird if Jack was trying to murder Ralph in the middle of a normal school setting- not that I wouldn't read that fic if someone wrote it).

While some fics portray jalph as a perfectly healthy romantic relationship, others explore the unhealthy aspects of this relationship (especially fics which are closely linked to canon/follow on from canon events) and can even portray Jalph as outright abusive, although this portrayal isn't very common. Some fics involve Jack having a redemption arc, allowing him and Ralph to have a healthier relationship, while in others their relationship remains unhealthy and reliant on their 'indefinable connection' which Golding suggests binds them together.

Generally anti-jalph fans believe that Jalph glorifies and in some cases fetishises abusive relationships, and that Jalph would not last in the real world as a result of it being extremely unhealthy.

2.) Rogermon (Roger x Simon)

While this relationship has little basis in canon, it is incredibly popular within the fandom to the point that it is most likely the second most popular ship after Jalph. The ship seems to stem more from the fandom's interpretation of it more than canon, similar to Rogice.

Canon Interactions:

As mentioned above, Roger and Simon interact very little in canon. This may be due to them both being fairly introverted characters who typically only interact with a limited number of other characters (with Roger primarily interacting with Jack and Simon primarily interacting with Ralph and Piggy). However, they were canonically both a part of the choir prior to arriving on the island and so likely knew each other before the events of the novel. There is one scene in canon which may be relevant to mention here (although this is admittedly a bit of a stretch), and that is in Chapter 7 when Roger is the one to interrupt Ralph and Simon's conversation by the rocks (the 'I just think you'll get back alright' conversation. you know the one). I'll leave you to interpret that as you will.

Fandom Interpretations:

Part of the reason for this ship's immense popularity is its potential. Shippers generally seem to like how Roger and Simon are portrayed as foils to one another in canon- Simon is the representation of goodness and purity while Roger is the representation of evil and sadism. I've heard the phrase 'opposites attract' thrown around in reference to Rogermon before to put it bluntly, people seem to like to contrasting edgy and soft boi aesthetics. In fanworks, Simon is often portrayed as sweet and accepting while Roger is very protective and seems to have a soft spot for Simon which contrasts his cold attitude towards other characters. They often appear in Jalph fics as a 'b-pairing'.

I don't think there's exactly an anti-rogermon part of the fandom in the same way that there are anti-jalph fans, but some people don't ship it for a number of reasons. The main reason is that there are other popular ships involving both Roger and Simon, Rogice and Ralmon probably being the most popular of these. There aren't really all-out shipping wars in this fandom from what I've witnessed (we're a very chill bunch), but I have seen some friendly discourse about Rogermon and Rogice in particular. In addition, it doesn't have much basis in canon and those who aren't a fan of Roger's personality (being a canonically violent and sadistic individual with sociopathic tendencies) may view this and other pairings involving Roger as inherently unhealthy. However, it depends on how you interpret the character and the ship- some may argue that Simon balances out Roger's more 'evil' personality traits and helps to ground him somewhat.

3.) Ralmon (Ralph X Simon)

This pairing isn't as popular as the above two involving the same characters, but still has a strong fan following of its own. Like with Jalph, there is a lot of interaction between Ralph and Simon in canon which provides some basis for Ralmon as a ship.

Canon Interactions:

Ralph and Simon have been friends from the first chapter of the novel and maintained a largely positive relationship throughout. The majority of interactions between them have bee1n interpreted by the fandom as Simon having a crush on Ralph, such as when Simon stroked his arm 'with shy liking' in the first chapter. The scene in Chapter 7 in which Simom crashed into a tree because he was staring at Ralph is also a popular one, as is the slightly later scene in which Simon encourages Ralph by telling him 'you'll get back alright' followed by the two smiling at one another. An interesting point to bring up regarding the latter example is that Ralph recalls this later on in the final chapter. There are also a few examples of Ralph liking Simon at least platonically, such as when he is the one who reacts the most strongly to Simon's death (although this may be more to do with his role in it rather than Simon being the one who died). Ralph and Simon are also the only ones who continue to work on the shelters together after all the others left, something brought up during Ralph's argument with Jack in Chapter 3 ('Simon. He helps')

Fandom Interpretations:

Ralmon is often interpreted in fanworks as being a soft and fluffy pairing, contrasting many of the other pairings on this list. Their relationship is usually portrayed as healthy and wholesome, with Simon often having the stronger feelings at first. Think slowburn friends-to-lovers type fics. The angstier fics tend to deal with Simon's death and Ralph's role in causing it, though Simon is alive in the majority of fics (as a result of an AU or the fic taking place prior to his death).

Again, there isn't really a shipping war between Jalph and Ralmon, but if our fandom was bigger and more aggressive there probably would be.

4.) Rogice (Roger X Maurice)

This pairing bears some similarities to Rogermon in that it doesn't have much basis in canon and seems to be liked largely due to the characters' contrasting personalities.

Canon Interpretations:

Again like Rogermon, Roger and Maurice were in the choir together prior to arriving on the island and so know each other from before the events of the novel. Their relationship in canon seems to be somewhat positive, with the two shown spending time together (aka bullying kids together) voluntarily in Chapter 4. They also both go with Jack to steal Piggy's glasses in Chapter 10, indicating they are at the very least willing to and capable of working together to achieve a common goal.

Fandom Interpretations:

This pairing, as mentioned above, has a focus on Roger and Maurice's contrasting personalities, with Maurice being cheerful and good-humoured while Roger is more cold and aloof. Their dynamic is often used for comedic purposes, with Roger using sarcasm in response to Maurice's memeing. They seem to balance one another out, with Roger being the straight man minus the straight part obviously to Maurice's wise guy.

In fanworks, the pairing isn't portrayed very often within the canon universe from what I've seen, generally appearing within modern AUs and as another b-pairing to Jalph fics. It is usually fairly fluffy, but in fics where Roger is portrayed as more emo or with a tragic backstory, it can be more angsty with a hurt/comfort edge to their dynamic.

I've mentioned this pairing being at odds with Rogermon before, but the closest I've seen to a shipping war was one that took place between the characters themselves in a fanfiction.

5.) Jager (Jack X Roger)

An interesting pairing because while it does have a decent amount of canon basis, it isn't nearly as popular as some of the ships which don't. This may be because there are a fair few fans who dislike one or both of these characters, or because the pairing isn't usually as fluffy as some of the other popular pairings. Even so, it's popular enough to be considered one of the 'main' pairings in my opinion.

Canon Interactions:

Firstly, the obligatory 'they were in the choir before the island so they already know each other'. Jack and Roger's canon relationship is difficult to interpret. It seems that they get along at least somewhat since they often spend time together, with Jack deliberately seeking out Roger to show him his face paint in Chapter 4. I'd also like to point out that the only time Roger smiles in canon is when he's making fun of Jack in this scene ('You don't look half a mess'). Roger also voluntarily accompanies Jack and Ralph up the mountain to look for the Beast, and by the end of the novel he appears to be Jack's second-in-command of sorts. I'm going to drift into speculation for a moment here- personally I interpret this relationship as Jack seeing Roger as one of the only people (if not the only person) who truly understands him- in one scene Jack 'looked round for understanding but found only respect', which could suggest that this is something he values. However, Roger's values seem to differ from Jack's and I think Jack starts to realise this towards the end of the novel- he appears to be afraid of Roger after discovering he was directly responsible for Piggy's death ('the hangman's horror clung to him'). I also don't believe Roger sees Jack in the same way- Roger seems to only be tolerating Jack's position as Chief towards the end of the novel, internally questioning his authority in Chapter 10 and almost pushing his shoulder when walking past him in Chapter 11. It is implied that he dislikes Jack (or at least has bad intentions towards him) in Chapter 4 as well- 'a darker shadow crept across the swarthiness of his face' upon seeing Jack, which could be foreboding.

Fandom Interpretations:

As mentioned earlier, Jager is not always portrayed as fluffily as other pairings. It seems to often be portrayed as quite unhealthy, or sometimes it involves Jack and Roger, for lack of better words, being gay and doing crimes. Their relationship seems to bring out the worst in one another in these sorts of fics. However, a popular headcanon amongst Jager shippers seems to be Roger having a one-sided crush on Jack. Sometimes they have a friends-with-benefits style relationship in works featuring this headcanon, but I've also seen ones where they are regular friends. This tends to appear in Jalph fics in which Roger is not already paired up with Simon or Maurice. Another interesting take on the Jalph side of this pairing is Jalger, or the polyamorous ship between Jack, Ralph and Roger. I've weirdly seen multiple fics in which Jack and Ralph become aware of Roger's crush on Jack and they end up in a three-way relationship. That's technically a whole different ship though so I won't talk about it in depth here. Fluffier Jager fics are often friends-to-lovers, with the two being very close friends in the beginning if not best friends.

*

Well, that's all I've got for now! Thank you very much for reading and I hope you found this guide interesting. Apologies for it being an absolute mess by the way, it's 4am and I have no idea why I decided to write the whole thing now (we love insomnia). If you have any requests for ships I haven't covered here, feel free to shoot me an ask and I'll do my best to cover them! I might end up making a second part at some point anyway since there are still ships I want to talk about (e.g.- ralphiggy because it's super underrated)

Okay, bye for now ;;;

[starbuck]

I don’t know who Armitage is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask

(Hi there! I tried to type out a normal answer to this ask but it accidentally turned into a giant essay so honestly, anon, you should be afraid and I apologize in advance. If this is really Too Much, here’s an Armitage outfit-rating post I made a bit ago that covers a lot of the same content and also has additional screenshots of him for identification purposes.)

I didn’t know who he was either until about seven months ago... Well, that’s not entirely true, but it was around that time that I realized all his different appearances throughout the show were the same person and that person was the infamous Mr. Armitage. You may recognize his name by the fact that he’s being shittalked pretty much every time he’s brought up but he did some shitty things so about 75% of the time, he deserves it. 

But who is Armitage? Despite often being seen with a gun and hanging out with the marines, he’s not a marine himself, which is a common fandom misconception. Instead, he’s Terror’s gunroom steward which, despite its name, has nothing to do with guns (although he’s implied on several occasions to have the keys to the armory but whether this is a regular part of his job or a duty he just happened to be assigned, I do not know).

this was the shot that first made me notice him way back in October of last year and I had no clue who he was or why we were looking at him during the lashing

But what is his actual canonical significance? Although he is not a marine, he’s almost always seen by Tozer’s side. I like to think of myself (and the wonderful @rhavewellyarnbag) as the head archaeologists of what has been lovingly dubbed “the secret Armitage/Tozer subplot,” found only by closely studying the hidden depths beneath the surface of the show. I’ve actually been meaning to gather up all of my old meta and rewrite it to suit my current thoughts on the matter but, I’ll give it a somewhat abbreviated try here, under the cut.

The first time we properly see Armitage, he’s standing in armed defense of Tozer, immediately after Heather has been attacked by the Tuunbaq. Right off the bat, it’s a bit strange for a steward, who by any ordinary measure should be a nobody on the ship, to be protecting a Sergeant of the Royal Marines so that alone makes him stand out and I would argue that protecting Tozer becomes the cornerstone of his character.

In ep 6, while doing some of the aforementioned shittalking, Hickey says that Armitage had always wanted to be a marine, but was disqualified due to his disability, implying that he’s now somewhat of a wannabe or a fan but I think it goes deeper than that. In the very same episode, at Carnivale, we see Armitage assisting Tozer in feeding the comatose Heather, something he apparently knows how to do by this point and looks perfectly comfortable doing, which implies to me that he had been assisting in Heather’s care ever since his attack, in a similar fashion to how we see Tozer at his bedside in ep 5. And then, when all goes to shit at the end of ep 6, Armitage not only tries desperately to help Tozer save Heather from the fire but, failing that, drags Tozer out of the tent against his will, saving him from being crushed or burned to death for what was, by that point, a lost cause. Whatever Armitage’s original reasoning was for socializing with the marines, this is more than him playing out a fantasy of becoming one himself; his relationship with them, and with Tozer in particular, is personal. 

Enter: The Mutiny. Armitage was already connected to Hickey’s whole situation via participating in Silna’s kidnapping in ep 4 and then not owning up to it (remember how I said he deserves to be shittalked?) but Hickey didn’t even need blackmail to get him involved in the mutiny, all he needed was Tozer. With Tozer on board for his own reasons, Armitage’s eventual participation in the mutiny was a given. Also unhelpful to any hope of staying neutral was Armitage’s involvement in the murder of Koveyook and his family based on Hickey’s lies, as we hear about in ep 8, after which Hickey implies within his earshot that he’d like to see the armory opened. One can interpret this situation in multiple ways depending on whether Armitage had figured by that point that Hickey was the real murderer of Irving and Farr and was now in fear for his own life or whether he was still convinced of the family’s guilt and was acting purely out of racism but, regardless, it’s no surprise that, when Tozer asked him to open the armory without orders, he complied (although he was, tellingly, unable to defend this action to Little when pressed).

And so, ep 8 plays out, Tozer’s nearly hanged (much to Armitage’s dismay if you watch for him in the crowd around the gallows), the Tuunbaq interrupts, and the mutiny is on its way. But wait! Let’s not brush over Armitage saving Tozer’s life for the second time by thwacking Little, who had Tozer held at gunpoint, over the head. RIP Little’s skull but also this is the second time he was bamboozled by Tozer and Armitage within one day so… “Fool me once,” and all that…

(Also, try to tell me that appearing out of the fog in the nick of time to save the life of the person you love isn’t the most romantic thing ever? You can’t.)

But now the mutineers are their own offshoot group and things are getting serious(ly bad). At the end of ep 9 we have the scene where Armitage tries to convince Tozer to leave Hickey, which I think of as an attempt to, once again, save Tozer’s life. Although there was no way for Armitage to know the extent of Hickey’s agenda, he did know that he was being asked to assist in kidnapping Crozier, a reckless move wholly unrelated to their survival, not to mention that Hickey was clearly going nuts overall. So, to me, their conversation rings not only of Armitage grasping at their best chance of survival, but also of him trying to get Tozer out of a potentially dangerous and abusive situation. But, of course, Tozer says no and, despite his fear, Armitage stays as well, and things end how they end. 

in case it’s not clear, Armitage is the one who leans forward and reaches his hand out after Tozer is knocked out by Hickey :(

To summarize a bit more succinctly, Armitage’s narrative life is a tragedy marked by repeated failures and unrequited love with no solace or fulfillment and it sounds pretty damn depressing when I say it Like That but also, this is The Terror, so it’s really just par for the course. 

His being motivated by something as wonderful as love, and love for someone as worthy of it as Tozer is incredibly appealing to me. Not everything done in the service of love is good but I am naturally more sympathetic to it than I am to the actions of those who I believe were only in it for themselves. Harvey once said (paraphrasing here, apologies!) that Armitage might regret some of the things that happened, but he doesn’t regret why they happened, and I fully agree with that assessment. That is to say, I don’t think he set out to do bad things or was indifferent to the negative effects of the actions he ultimately took, but I also think that he loved Tozer and would have done anything to keep him safe and I really can’t hate him for that.

In fact (if this ridiculously long answer didn’t tell you already) for all his faults, I love him quite a lot! So thank you for asking and, if you made it this far, have a smiling and happy Armitage for your trouble!

[dawniebb]

We Need to Talk About Evie

but do we though?

OKAY SO.

To the anon who asked if we were making more content, this is it :)

Let’s just say that this was another sort of marathon about the canon divergence universe I share with @healing-winston-pratt ! And this one included two lists, a drawing and a fic :) which is this one. Basically, a “Maggie is Evie” reveal bc I love to hurt myself and other people. I wrote this MONTHS ago :) but still, I hope you like it! <3

For background:

Why is Winston alive and why do Nova and him live with Leroy?

And some other things related to the canon divergence universe, but NOT to this fic:

About Evander’s family

Their portrait: https://healing-winston-pratt.tumblr.com/post/626983013669044224/sandra-obrien-wade-and-arthur-evander-wade

We absolutely don’t need to talk about Evie right now bc we’re having a hard time already, but here we go :)

@novadreamer95438 , @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff there you go! (And @obsidianfr3sk bc I saw your tags about the fics jsjsjs and @jacihayle, but, in both your cases, you haven’t asked to be tagged and we’re doing it in case you wanted to get the notification, hence, if you want to be removed from the tag list, just notify us, that’s totally fine <3 )

They were sitting across the table, and it was super uncomfortable.

Nova thought about a married couple who was about to tell their grown ass child they were getting a divorce, even though the idea of an universe where for some reason Winston and Leroy were the same age and decided to get married absolutely repulsed her.

However, as disgusting as that sounded, that was what they looked like. They were even sitting next to each other, and while Winston tried to smile a bit, Leroy looked dead inside.

Not that he were physically able to look in some other way.

Damn.

She was used to all of this. These situations. These types of scenes.

And yet, she wanted it to be over once and for all. These had been the longest 5 minutes of her life. So long she even had to look at her clock to check how many minutes had passed, because she was almost sure they had been sitting there for at least 15.

But no. 5 minutes.

5 suffocating and eternal minutes.

Finally, Winston sensed and acknowledged this was getting kind of weird and, while straightening his back, he spoke in a fake upbeat voice.

“So… “He said.

Then his tone felt flat and his voice turned into nothing, because it disappeared. Like that. After his first word, he was out of courage again. And he stayed there, with his mouth half-open.

But Nova couldn’t tolerate this any longer, so this time she took (or at least tried to) the lead.

“So?” She asked with a determinate, almost demanding tone. “I was kinda in the middle of something, so… if you guys could…you know, tell me what did you call me for?”

Technically, she wasn’t lying. She was in the middle of something. It wasn’t work-related, but still it was something.

Nova tended to take her inventions, her personal projects, pretty seriously and Winston and Leroy were more than aware of that, and since she knew that, she found it very rude of them to interrupt her; to take her out of her zone so they could all sit around the table in an awkward and tense silence, listening to the sound of their own breaths. That is, she wasn’t usually this this harsh towards them, but they had managed to put her in a bad mood.

“Yeah. Sure. Of course you wanna know what is it that we called you for.” Winston sniffed, lacing his fingers together on the table. He looked…no, he acted nervous.

Nova didn’t know what he was about to say or what they were trying to tell her, but she was sure as hell that, after this, Winston would have to talk to his therapist, as he was continuously clearing his throat to stop his fake high-pitched tone from coming out instead of his real voice.

“We need to talk.” He concluded.

Nova snorted, while Leroy rubbed his face so hard she could see the trace of his hand on his own skin…As if he were helping much to the situa…

“Goddamn. Don’t do that. It’s not like you’re being too helpful.”

Thank you.

“I know.” Leroy said in a monotonous tone. “However…”

“No. Please. Just stop. I’m shaking and you’re just making it worse. If you’re not gonna do anything to help then stop grimacing at me or get the fuck out.”

“Man.”

“You act like an old, adult-sized, grumpy toddler. Grow up.”

Nova bit her lip, trying to convince herself this wasn’t funny, even though it was. In the past, being aware Winston was mad would’ve been extremely scary (The fact he was kind to her didn’t mean he could be underestimated. Winston had easily been the most dangerous Anarchist after Ace and Ingrid) but right now it was just…this. He could have a bad temper if he put his mind into it, though he would move on after like 30 minutes or so.

And Leroy knew that too, so he didn’t get offended.

That, and the fact that it was extremely hard to make Leroy feel offended.

Winston closed his eyes and massaged his temples, trying to get his chill back and align his freaking chakras.

Nova hissed. She had had this idea for a couple of minutes now, but she decided that it was the time to spit it out because, besides being eager to go back to the basement, she could feel the stress levels were getting out of control and they were at the point where they soon would start killing each other.

“If this is about The Talk.” Nova said, and once their attention was back at her, she repeated, air quoting:

“The Talk.”

“We know what you’re referring to.” Leroy nodded.

“Yeah. So…there’s no need for that.” She assured. “I already know about that stuff. Honey gave me a really graphic lecture back in the day and, not to offend you guys, but I’m not sure I want to go through that again. I appreciate the intention, but…”

“It’s not about that.” Leroy said. Cold, almost like he wanted her to shut up. Nova knew there was no use in feeling attacked or bad because that was the way Leroy usually spoke to everyone. Still, she couldn’t help but feel a twinge in her stomach. In Leroy’s mind, from what she had heard, seen and experienced, she didn’t fit in the everyone category.

“Oh.” She gulped. “What is it, then?”

Leroy stared at her, Nova stared at Winston when Leroy’s stare was too heavy, and Winston stared at Leroy too.

So good ol’ Cyanide had no other option but to open his mouth again.

“We need to talk about Evie.”

And the world went numb. Her world. Her entire, little, shattered world.

And even though everything around it was in flames, Nova’s body, which held her little world, felt frozen. She was made of ice.

And she felt extremely cold.

She looked at both Winston and Leroy with all the hatred she was yet to dispose; all the resentment she still carried within; all the pain that still ate from her insides from now and then; until she realized she had skipped at least 5 seconds breath, and her legs responded, helping her up from the chair almost against her will.

They had no right.

They weren’t allowed to mention that. Not yet.

Not when they knew she was yet to heal.

Not when they knew they were ripping open an old, painful scar.

“No, we don’t.” She stated directly. “The only person I’ll talk to about that at the moment is my therapist and if you don’t like it it’s not my obligation to apologize. You’ll have to deal with that. You’re grown ass men.”

This time it was Winston’s turn to rub his face until there has a hand-shaped red line all the way through it.

“Wow, you fucking genius.” He barked at Leroy. “So sensitive and subtle, as al—“

“YOU’RE GROWN ASS MEN!” Nova slammed the table, feeling so furious she didn’t even find the time to cry.

Mostly because didn’t feel like crying.

Instead, she felt like screaming in a pillow until her throat bled.

“HEY! FINE, FINE! CALM DOWN!” Winston reached for her hand, grabbing her by the wrists. “CALM DOWN, YOU’LL HURT YOUR HANDS!”

She stopped. Not because she was more calm, but because Winston looked genuinely worried and she couldn’t help but feel…something.

Nova breathed like an enraged bull until her lungs ached and Winston’s gaze felt bigger than her, along with his hold.

Just like when she was little, during stormy nights.

Winston and Leroy were always the best at calming her down. And even now, no matter how hard she tried, every time they did stuff like this she went numb. A weird type of numb.

A good type of numb.

“Good.” Winston sighed. “Would you mind to sit down?”

She did it, as her body suddenly felt heavy as a rock; her body touched the chair again, and she shivered but tried to act normal.

“I’m sorry.” Leroy said in a hoarse voice. And even if she expected something more, that something never came, but Nova understood anyways.

Still, she didn’t find the strength to answer.

Winston rubbed his hands against each other and gently pushed his glass of water across the table towards her, but although her throat was dry, she refused to drink from it. She still had something called pride.

“What do you want?” She asked coldly.

“Nova, look…”

“What do you want?” She asked again, annoyed. “Do you want to know about how I left her to die?”

Winston shut his eyes closed as if he had received a really painful punch, and he scratched his forehead.

“What do you want from me? What do you want to know?” Nova begged from them to answer. “Please. I don’t know what do you want or why do you want it but let’s just…get this over with.”

“We don’t want anything from you.” Leroy started, this time in a less hurtful and soulless tone. “We’ve already caused you too much harm all over the years and we’re trying to make it up to you. Hence, I apologize for broaching the subject in such a sudden and violent way.”

Nova’s lips trembled, just like her hands.

“Fine.” She said.

Just…fine.

Nothing else to say.

Not at the moment, at least.

“And I apologize in advance for having to bring this up in the first place.” Winston licked his lips and cleared his throat. Again. “We even consulted your doctor and everything and, needless to say, we were advised not to act like asses about it. But somebody did anyway so…”

“You’ve thrown so many bricks at me I could build a wall with them, Winston. Thanks for your cooperation.”

“You’re welcome, you insensitive piece of shit.”

As fast as he directed his attention to Leroy, he directed it to Nova again, who just sniffed, blinded by rage.

“You talked to my doctor.” She said. Not as a question, but rather as a statement.

Because that’s what it was, and she wasn’t going to apologize for that either.

“We did.” Winston nodded. “Remember that she provided us with her contact and stuff, in case you…”

“I know.” Nova massaged her temples. “I know.”

“She didn’t provide any confidential information, nor did she give us any type of sensitive details about your sessions.” Leroy assured. “So there’s no need for you to be…worried about that.”

She wasn’t worried about that. She trusted them enough, even if sometimes she wasn’t willing to admit it. At least, she trusted them enough to know that, if someday her therapist saw herself in the necessity to tell them something, anything about what happened during the appointments, she wouldn’t be mad.

Not too much, at least.

But this was just too out of character even for them. And, not to sound harsh, but she would’ve expected it from someone like Hugh. Not them. Not Winston and Leroy.

“I’m not.” She said, trying to remain in a neutral tone. “So…please, please just tell me what’s this issue that’s so delicate you had to talk to my therapist before talking to me.”

They stared to each other for a second, before Leroy handed the folder he’d been keeping under his arm to Winston; the one she hadn’t paid too much attention to, as she thought it was…normal paperwork stuff.

Winston didn’t hand it to Nova. Instead, he put it on the table and placed both his hands on top of it.

“So. You’ve been told about and even helped with the updates to the Renegades system.” Winston said. High-pitched.

“Correct.” Nova’s eyelid was twitching.

“And…well, you know, since you are…a Renegade.” Winston coughed. “They had to take DNA samples from you to…”

“Upload it to the system. Let’s skip that part. I know it.” Nova rolled her eyes. She had no idea why they were going around the topic so much. “I’m the one they took samples from. I had to sign for permission. There’s no need to explain something I did. “

“Okay, okay. I’m…I’m sorry. You’re right.” Winston sniffed. “But…we need to mention it because…well…”

“They took samples from all the current Renegade recruits:  Members of the Council, patrol units, the janitorial team, the Headquarters staff…” Leroy took a deep breath. “….Winston and I had been suspicious about this for a while but still…”

“Still, we didn’t know.” Winston nodded. “….Gosh. This is going to be fucking hard.”

Nova crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s going to be hard?” She laughed sarcastically. “And what does Evie even have to do with this? What is this all about?”

When they just looked at her, she thought she might have been missing something. Or failing to catch something in that case. Not that she cared at this point.

“Nova. The thing is that…” Winston took a deep breath. “We…”

A nervous laugh escaped his mouth, while Leroy played with the fabric of the tablecloth, absently.

“We…uhm…” He gulped. “We got…a match.”

She heard and comprehended the structure of the sentence, but it didn’t make sense at all in her head. So, the best answer she could think of was:

“A match of what?” in a harsh tone, arching her eyebrow as she tilted her head to the side.

“What the fuck are you two talking about?”

Winston hissed, and Leroy cleared his throat.

“A match, Nova.” Leroy clarified.

And after remaining in silence for at least three seconds, he spoke again, just because Winston refused to do it.

“A DNA that matches yours. And that, comparing it to the samples they took from Evie when she was born…it…uhm….also matches hers.”

She heard the words through a blank noise that invaded her ears. Deafening.

She felt the hot tears creating a vessel through her vision, as her arms tightened around her chest. And somehow, the answer was still clear as water.

“That’s bullshit.” She declared. “Those tests are wrong because the Renegades are still negligent as fuck. So that’s pure bullshit. That’s pure and utter…”

“Nova…”

“I was there the day she died and I could’ve saved her but I didn’t so she fucking died.” She stated, calm. “That’s the way things are. That’s what happened. That’s what…”

“Nova.”

“Nova. Listen.” Leroy stared directly at her eyes.

And this time he looked absolutely destroyed, so she listened.

For once.

“Her name’s Margaret White.” He said, slowly. “That’s Evie. That’s your sister.”

Her heartbeat turned into a drum, beating so fast it made her whole body ache. She turned into a car about to crash against a fence. A rollercoaster. A train wreck. A hurricane about to happen. And above all that noise, all she could hear were the bullets; all she could touch was Evie’s soft baby skin; all she could feel was the apartment’s floor beneath her bare feet; all she could smell was her mother’s blood above her brow; all she could remember was Magpie’s face.

All she could recognize was the bullet she carried around in her pocket.

All she could remember was how that kid had stolen her bracelet. Twice.

How she stared at her so full of disdain, directing a different type of sneer at her every single time; so resented with everyone, even with herself people she didn’t know.

Magpie, that Magpie, was the little baby Nova had mourned for more than half of the years she had been alive.

Magpie, who hated her and everyone else.

“Oh, Nova…” Winston tried to reach for her hand, but Nova slapped his’ away as hard as she could, careful not to release her power on him, just because she wanted to confront both of them.

“That’s bullshit.” She repeated, frantic. “It can’t be true.”

All she’d done.

“It can’t be true. Those papers are wrong.”

All she’d suffered.

“It’s not true.”

All she’d risked to avenge her sister.

“You’re lying.” She said, tears streaming down her face, begging they were lying.

All she’d done and risked…just for her beloved little sister to be alive.

Her chest went up and down, violently, as she covered her ears to avoid hearing their voices.

“NO!” She screeched, getting up from her chair. “YOU’RE LYING! YOU’RE LYING! YOU ALL ARE NOTHING BUT…!”

“NOVA, PLEASE, CALM DOWN!”

She slammed her fist on the table once again, as she felt her whole body losing control. Shaking. Shivering. Trembling.

Crumbling apart along with her life.

Her lie of a life.

Her little sad world full of lies and grief.

And now grief was also a lie.

“YOU’RE FUCKING LYING!”

Couldn’t it had been, at least, somebody that loved her?

-.-

By the time the healer was gone, Simon finally noticed the little wounds in Winston’s hands. He also had bitten his nails until he reached his skin and it started to bleed.

And his face was soaked.

And that, even if it was odd to admit it, broke his heart. He was absolutely distraught, just like Leroy, even though Leroy was handling it way better.

If Simon hadn’t been through this many times, he probably would’ve reacted the same as Winston.

“Is she…?”

“Yeah. She’ll be fine.” Hugh cleared his throat.

It had happened so fast they didn’t even have time to put on their uniforms. They were here, with regular clothes, just because Leroy and Winston hadn’t figured who else to call.

“The healer gave her some sedatives. It’ll take a couple of minutes, but she’ll…she’ll be fine.” Hugh said, to which Winston hiccupped and nodded, even if he wasn’t crying anymore.

Leroy showed no reaction. He was staring at a blank space in the nearest wall.

“We figured …maybe you don’t consider it adequate that Adrian spends the night here, so…he already notified the rest of the team members and Tucker volunteered. You…know her, right?”

“We do.” Winston said in a hoarse voice. “The…girl with this… grappling hook, right? Ruby.”

“Err… not quite a grappling hook but yeah. That’s her.”

Oh my god, Hugh.

Later Simon would lecture him about how it was non polite to be this dense.

Right now, it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was the scene that could be seen through the ajar bedroom door.

Nova was kneeling on the carpet while Adrian hugged her from the back, covering her body with his’.

You’re lying.

You’re lying.

You’re lying.

That’s what she said. On loop.

And Stars, Simon wished they were.

[spookyold-saintjm]

Promises

Mandalorian x female reader

Part 16 of the Pilot series [Masterlist]

Word Count: 5.9k

Warnings: language, mentions of sex & sexual situations (non-explicit), canon-typical violence/death, angst. Din might break your heart in this one and I’m apologizing in advance.

a/n: Hope everyone is doing as well as you can right now! Some of you might have seen a post on uh...how this one was originally going to start BUT I had a different string of ideas so we’ll hold off on THAT for another time ;) Anyway, this one is pretty damn sad ngl. I will try to make it up with something soft next chapter. 

Also, @magichandthing​ (who seems lovely!) made this amazing and beautifully SAD art that showed up on my dash while I was writing this chapter and it was just...too on point, so I feel like it was a sign to share it. Love you all so much! x

—

Din had offered his bed to you in the past, more than once, knowing you’d be more comfortable there. Through quiet, staggered insistence, he’d claimed that he didn’t sleep much, anyways. The bunk in his quarters was, admittedly, not much better than the cot where you typically rested your head, but it was a bit bigger and at least had an actual layer of intended comfort instead of simply a flat surface extended from the wall of the Crest.

You’d always refused out of respect for allowing him a true space of secluded privacy with the small confines of the ship, a space you never intruded upon. After a while he had stopped asking, seemingly resigned to your stubbornness on the matter.

However, if the offer had meant he would be joining you, your bodies bare and flush against each other in a hazy tangle of limbs, with the sounds of months of pent-up emotion and longing emerging and echoing off the walls for far longer than perhaps either of you had intended…you might have agreed a bit sooner.

Despite this, you’d still meant to silently retreat back to your bunk once you were both were wholly spent and your eyes fought to stay open in the darkness. That was how this sort of thing had always worked before…not that anything had ever been even remotely comparable to this.  

But Din, although he hadn’t moved for some time, had pulled you back onto him in one swift, sudden motion as you were halfway standing.

“Don’t,” he mumbled, contented exhaustion somewhere between the realm of sleep and waking layering over his deep voice against your ear.

You’d been taken aback at first by his request, momentarily frozen in place, but a calm warmth spread through you as you found yourself folding into him. It was the last word spoken before you both fell victim to the beckoning slumber.

A few hours later, you awoke to the sound of life elsewhere in the ship: a low voice between some occasional soft thuds and clinks, and perhaps a faint squealing sound that had you reaching out an arm beside you.

“Din?” You asked through the hoarse voice of someone fresh to the day. You kept your eyes closed as you turned and felt for him, but you found the opposite side of the bed, his bed, cool and empty. “The kid…”

You called his name out again, waiting for a response before you were so much as tempted to open your eyes. When you were still greeted with only silence, you rubbed at your eyes before finally blinking them open, squinting at the adjustment of the dim light in the room.

It was…strange to wake up here. Especially with Din nowhere in sight. You hadn’t expected to lazily wake to a soft morning wrapped in his arms, by any means, and you understood the level of trust it took for him to leave you by yourself in his space...but you couldn’t help but feel the drop in your stomach at the fact that you were alone. Though you wondered why; this was how this normally went, wasn’t it? Waking up on your own.

No…this didn’t seem like that. Din wasn’t like that. Or, perhaps he was; you’d been fooled by people before. As far as you had seen, outside of his covert, Cara, and Karga out of necessity, he didn’t seem to have any notable relationships with others.

Except for you. Technically he was your employer, you supposed…but that had never seemed right to say. Come to think of it, you’d never considered him as even a friend. He was just always…Mando. Then Din. Someone who’d arrived in your world, who you had spent months of your life with in closer contact than you’d ever spent with anyone for such a length of time, taking jobs and repairing and upgrading the ship and trying to find a way to get a small, peculiar and very much sought-after child back home. Din was someone whose presence felt like it was meant to just exist alongside your own.

It was a dangerous thought. And the idea of it continued to chip away at the walls you’d tried so hard to keep held up inside your chest, its persistence only growing with every passing time that you caught each other’s pondering, longing stares.

You felt your skin prickling with the distinctive sense that someone was watching you, and turned to see Din standing in the doorway, fully dressed in Mandalorian armor.

Minus his cape, which was draped over your otherwise bare body. The texture of it between your fingers gave you pause as you made the silent discovery; he must have covered you with it at some point in the night, as the thin sheet over his bad was instead carelessly bunched up halfway under you.

“Hi,” you said simply as you propped yourself up on an elbow, not knowing what else to say as his gaze then gripped yours, your skin suddenly warm as he looked back at you.

Din felt as if he were pinned in place. “Hey.”

You blinked softly back up at him, and it suddenly struck him that he’d been staring. Because you were…there. Like that.

He started to turn away. “I should—”

“No.” You stopped him, but you cursed yourself at the extra hint of urgency tacked onto your voice. Din must have noticed it too, because his head was cocked ever so slightly to one side when he glanced back in your direction.

“It’s okay,” you quickly added to clarify. You stretched your legs out along the bunk as you rose into a seated position, taking his cape up along with you and holding it with one arm across your chest. “What is it?”

Din’s turned back to face you, taking a few steps further into the room. You swung your legs around so that they were draped off the side of the bunk by the time he stood closer to you. 

His shoulders visibly tensed, “Are you...” A rare hesitation wrapped itself tight around his voice, his words sticking in his throat as the air circulating through his helmet grew impossibly hot. “Did—did I…?” 

You shook your head and answered before he could finish, with a gentle smile in mercy to his pained attempt to ask you if were okay. So he, too, wasn’t used to people who stayed. Who wanted him to stay. “I’m fine.” 

Although when you’d sat up, you’d definitely felt the pressure of light bruises kneaded into your hips, and Maker only knew what attempting to walk would be like. But those were details you chose to kept silent. 

Din nodded once, the action appearing almost too formal. A beat of silence passed between you, another moment’s hesitation as he fought to shift his thoughts from being flooded over with how you looked in that moment: hair untamed, a softly glowing face and slightly tired but calm eyes that blinked back at him with a quiet patience as you waited for him to say whatever he’d originally come into the room to tell you.

“Cara agreed to take the child today,” he stated.

You you turned your head back to one side, slightly narrowing your eyebrows at him. “Why?” 

“…I don’t think it’s a good idea to take him with us.”

“Take him wh—oh.” You fell silent when you realized what he meant.

He wanted you to come with him, then. To the covert’s hiding place. Well, where it had been. He’d said the night before that he wanted to see it one last time…and now he wanted you with him.

You breathed out a small sigh as you studied him while he stood across the room from you, hands at his sides, knowing he wasn’t entirely meeting your eyes in that moment. 

“Are you sure?” You asked.

Din slowly tipped his head. “Only if you want to.”

You swallowed, your voice tight when you answered him. “Of course.”

Before either of you could say more, the sound of a loud clang followed by a series of quick, shrill chirps met your ears. You quickly stood, pulling Din’s cape tighter around you and took a few instinctive steps toward the door as another crashing sound echoed through the ship.

Din sighed, his head turned toward the direction of all the noise. “I guess he’s finished eating.”

You smiled then at the tired fondness in his tone; the thought of the child seemed to make the space around you both pleasantly warm.

A final, lingering glance passed between you, and that warmth threatened to transform into a dull heat just before Din was suddenly off investigate what the child had gotten into.

You stood looking through the doorway until he was out of sight, and a moment longer after that, biting on your bottom lip as you attempted to sift through the thoughts running through nearly every direction in your mind.

The way Din had made an effort not to get too close to you, how he had seemingly avoided your eyes when he spoke…it was a deliberate distance, a blinding contrast to how things had been just hours before, when you’d both practically begged to be as close to each other as possible under the cover of darkness.

Things were different in the daylight. They always were. But you were no longer certain whether to be thankful for it or dispirited by it.

— 

After you’d gotten ready for the day, you idly worked on a small project at the space in the corner of the lower deck you’d long ago set aside to stash materials and parts for repairs and upgrades for the Crest. Despite the fact that the child had already eaten breakfast, his ever-growing appetite meant he was still hungry, and you were splitting with him the last of a container of fresh berries, originally meant just for you, as you worked. He reached to curiously pick up a spare part that rested by your knee, but you were quick to snatch it away.

“No way, sticky-hands,” you said, not taking your eyes off your work. The child just giggled, probably because he knew you were right; he couldn’t resist squishing what seemed like nearly every other berry between his hands before eating whatever remained off his tiny claws. 

However, when his giggling shifted into a low hum, a sound that typically meant he wanted your attention for something more important, you were quick to shift away from the parts rested in your lap to look down at him as he sat at your side.

You met his eyes. Yes?

He slowly turned his head, looking over toward the closed hatch of the ship. Where Din had disappeared out of a short while before. When he looked back to you, he blinked once, twice, his head tilted to one side. A question.

Din hadn’t said much of anything to you since you’d first spoken that morning, and while it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for him to be so quiet, you couldn’t help but wish he would just say something. The lines between you were blurred now, a looming uncertainty over what all that had happened the night before even meant, if anything.

How the hell the child had at least some hint of something being amiss between you, you had no idea. You never understood how he always seemed to know much more than you would have expected. But your unique way of communication with each other had taken a sudden turn in that exact direction.

“Nothing’s wrong.” You replied with a short shake of your head. You turned back to your work, not sure if you wanted to see what his eyes would tell you. But you could hear it, could feel it when he tried to press further. And that might have been worse, because the question he asked was weighted with far more than you’d thought the child might have even been capable of understanding. 

“I—I think he’s...great.” You answered, trying to keep your voice level and the warmth away from your cheeks. “I still like being here.” Understatements, almost to the point of lies. 

The child made a couple quiet chirps, commanding your eyes on him again. His ears flicked up, then down again as his lips pursed slightly out at you. It was enough to make you chuckle under your breath as you reached to scratch the top of his fuzzy head.

“Yes. I still like you too, you nosy thing,” you sighed, moving then to pet behind one of his long ears before you teasingly, lightly pinched its pointed tip. “I know you're going to use this against me later somehow.”

The child’s toothy grin and squinted eyes back at you was a horrible attempt of displaying innocence, and it made you roll your eyes in the midst of your quiet laughter.

Din returned a short while later, following behind Cara after letting her inside the ship. She took a moment to walk around, making small nods of approval as she took in the changes that had occurred since she’d last been inside. 

“Gotta hand it to you,” she looked over to where you still sat in the floor, now cleaning the sticky blues and purples of berry juice off the child’s face and hands, “You’ve got this place looking pretty damn good.” 

A smile twitched on the corner of your lips as you shrugged in teasing dismissal. “It’s my job, y’know?” 

You could feel Din’s eyes on you, now standing behind Cara. You glanced over to him, your smile remaining as a form of silent greeting. He didn’t budge. 

Instead, he simply watched as the child fidgeted in your arms, until you finally finished wiping him down and set him loose. He immediately toddled toward Cara, babbling up at her until she eventually sighed and bent down to pick him up. She kept him a few inches away from her body at first, holding him out as he continued to coo at her, until finally he reached out to grab at the long side of her hair and she had no choice but to tuck him into her opposite site, clearly holding back a laugh.

But Din was far more focused on you, this time. He hadn’t wanted to look away from you at all, hadn’t wanted to leave what he’d woken up to. But he’d realized that morning that the very thing you’d both confessed to wanting, had acted on the night before…it left too thin of a barrier between you. It was something he didn’t know how to navigate. Because it hadn’t been just anyone. It had been you.

You weren’t someone who just…left. Or someone who would transform him into a dark shadow of himself that he didn’t recognize, only then to leave him behind. He’d faced that before, and that wasn’t you. He wanted to believe that. Did believe it, didn’t care if it was against his better judgement. 

He never dared to show fear, but he was afraid. Afraid of what crossing the barrier that still lingered between you would mean, because he couldn’t keep his promise to protect you if it disappeared. The same as how he couldn’t claim the child as entirely as his own, at least not until he knew for sure that there was nowhere else better, safer in the galaxy for him to go.

Because the people closest to him were always the first to lose their lives.

And allowing that to happen would be the absolute last thing he would ever do.

— 

The heat of the early afternoon had made the tunnels hot and layered with a touch of humidity that hit you almost instantly as you entered and followed behind Din down the curving staircase, Cara and the child left behind at her home just outside of town. 

Din stopped after dropping from the final step, and the soft thud of your boots made a small echo as you stepped down beside him.

The tunnels were an intricate maze, the long halls and curving turns for the most part appearing to look near identical to one another as you’d learned the first time you’d been inside them, after Moff Gideon’s attack. 

Yet you knew Din had the layout memorized, was perhaps running through it in his head as he decided where to go first. When he moved, you followed a step behind, silence looming in the space between you as he led the way.

The last time Din had been here, he was injured, lightheaded and weak from what had so far been his closest encounter with death. He’d pleaded with Cara, with Karga and the droid and with you, to leave him behind. To let him go.

Yet, he was still here. 

As he looked around the dull, empty halls, hardly a sign of the life that once existed among them, a near-silent but persistent voice digging into the back of his mind wanted to ask him why. 

And, as always, he was quick to push it back.

Din was unreadable as you followed behind him, like whatever door had been opened just enough for you to feel even a hint of his emotions the night before had been completely shut and locked tight. He said nothing, didn’t so much as look back in your direction as you, too, surveyed the scene around you.  

The occasional few belongings, blasters, scraps of metal, bags, capes, even a few books lingered in scattered places along the way, into small rooms and side-tunnels. Some spaces Din walked by with only a glance and others his steps slowed, lingering but never completely stopping. You had questions, of course. Plenty of them. But you would wait for Din to explain, if he decided to.

You hadn’t been paying much attention the last time you’d been there, focused on little else beyond getting out and getting to safety. But now you had an opportunity to truly look around at what had for quite some time been Din’s home, at least as far as you understood it. You had gathered that perhaps he wasn’t there too terribly often, as he was often away on various jobs, but regardless it was the place he always came back to. It struck you then, the trust Din had in you to bring you here, to show you something so intimate and quietly, deeply tucked tight into his heart. This had been his one true and hidden safe space in the midst of an unforgiving galaxy. 

But now, it was only a shell of a life, of many lives, that had once existed there. The entire place felt hollow. Haunted. Just how the Empire had always left everywhere and everything they touched.

The thought made your chest ache.

Eventually you reached a sharp curve at the end of the hall, and Din paused for the first time since you’d begun your venture below. He stared straight ahead, and you could just barely see the rise and fall of his chest as his breaths seemed to grow longer, heavier. Whatever was around the corner must have been something he felt the need to prepare himself for.

You reached for him slowly, turning in toward him and laying a hand lightly against his arm. You didn’t want to speak, didn’t want to fill the space with your voice in a place where it didn’t belong.

He looked down at you, a silent expression of appreciation at your gesture, before he began to walk again. You dropped your hand and followed him at his side, around the corner and into an open, circular room.

There were a few steps leading down into the rooms entrance, thus making the ceiling higher in the wide space. Lining the edge of the room were carefully spaced standing torches. A symbol that you immediately recognized was the same one that the child now wore around his neck on a string tucked beneath his robes was, though very much faded, painted in white in the center of the space. Otherwise, like everywhere else, the room was dim and mostly bare. It was clear that this was a place that had been designated for something special, something important to the people who had lived here, and you chose to remain at the foot of the steps as Din moved further inside.

It was the only room that displayed a blatant evidence of the covert's presence in the maze beneath the town, a room that taught and commanded the utmost respect for Mandalorian culture. It was the space devoted to foundlings—their education, their eventual acceptance and integration into the covert, into the Creed...and the training that followed. It was a place of ceremony, of blood, sweat, and tears, of hardship and pride. And one that Din might have found himself venturing into more often than he realized when he would return from his various jobs throughout the system.

The girl’s face brightened, even through her tears, as she saw Din standing at the foot of the steps. He’d heard a strange noise echoing from the space, though it should have been empty at that time of day, and had gone to investigate. The young girl had been crouched on the ground, knees tucked in tight as soft sobs tumbled from her chest.

She stood and practically sprinted over to Din, her tears flowing freely again.

He had come to recognize each one of the foundlings individually, as everyone in the covert was highly encouraged to do so, although he knew none of their names. It was a closeness he did not afford himself with them. With much anyone, really.

Din had crouched down to her level before she reached him, her green eyes blurred with pink from crying, and dark brown hair falling out of the tiny, yet messy knot atop her head. She couldn’t bring herself meet his stare through the visor, and instead kept her head down and focused on an insignificant spot on the ground.

For some reason wholly unknown to him, the foundlings adored him. They were always practically nipping at his heels when he returned to the covert, asking various questions about his most recent job or his life, or floating off into stories of things they had accomplished while he had been away. Maybe it was because he was one who they all knew as one who worked so hard to provide for them, maybe it was because they knew they could fluster him fairly easily because he didn’t know how to deal with them and they loved to give him a hard time every now and then. Or maybe, it was because he listened far more than he spoke, and they knew they could tell him whatever they wanted or needed to say.

So, as always, Din waited for the foundling girl to speak first.

“I cannot do it,” she mumbled, her voice thick with the accent of her people from whom she had been raised the first few years of her life before she’d ended up with the covert not too long before that afternoon. “Everyone is better than me. I lost every round today.”

Din waited a moment, to see if she would say more, and simultaneously tried to quickly sort his thoughts into something that might help. Crying wasn’t something he dealt with particularly well.

He noticed a row of small, fresh scrapes against the girl’s knuckles as she rubbed her hands together, and when she had failed to say anything else, Din gently gestured to them. “Looks like you tried really hard.”

The girl’s nods were quick as she subconsciously reached to rub at her knees. “Yes. But I fell. A lot.”

He paused to consider her words. “Did you get back up?”

Another sniffle and a wipe across her nose with an arm. “Uh-huh.”

“Then you can keep trying.”

He never knew if the words he spoke to them would ever really mean anything, but the girl finally looked up to him, her puffy eyes softening in what seemed to be understanding as she nodded again and began to wipe her tears with the backs of her hands.

Din gave her a firm, but assuring nod.

“This is the Way.” He said to her, both as an encouragement and what he hoped would be a dismissal once he was standing again.

The girl straightened, setting her shoulders back as she returned his nod. “This is the Way.”

Before Din could even process what was happening, the girl had wrapped her arms tight for around his leg in a flash of a moment, then pulled away before running off behind him to presumably reunite with the other foundlings he’d seen rushing through the adjacent tunnel just a few minutes before.

He sighed when he turned around and saw that, as had happened many times before, the small ribbon of fabric holding up her hair had fallen loose from her head and fluttered to the ground.

A ribbon that he was staring at now, as it brushed against the tip of his boot near the center of the room.

The foundlings.

Oh, gods. The foundlings.

Din dropped to his knees.

The clang of the beskar and various gear he wore on his legs sharply echoed through the chamber. You were paralyzed at first, scanning over him from where you stood with his back to you for any sign that he was somehow hurt.

Then you saw it; the subtle upward jerk that traveled through his back and up to his slouched shoulders.

A silent sob.

You went to him then, dropping down onto your knees next to him without a second thought. 

Aside from the brief moments of panic he’d displayed just before you’d escaped down into these tunnels months before, you had never seen Din show any sign of strong emotion beyond his occasional temper toward a bounty. Not joy, definitely not sadness. You weren’t even sure if he had the capacity for it.

Yet here he was, his hands curled into fists as they rested on this thighs, his head tilted down deep. You could just barely hear the trembling in his breath as he sucked in a gasp of air, and the short, tight huff that followed.

You remained silent, though you couldn’t resist the overwhelming need to reach for him, to take one of his hands, softly holding the tight clench of his fingers between both of your palms. You felt his fist tighten beneath your touch. Although you knew that maybe you should have waited, should have allowed him to let out his pain alone…the pull that came from somewhere deep inside you, furiously drawing you to him, had been far too great for you to ignore.

He breathed in deep again, his exhale shaky. You looked to him as he finally spoke.

“They’re gone.”

His voice sucked the air from your own lungs; you’d never heard anything so broken.

In that moment, Din was truly processing all of this for the first time. You imagined that the sight of beskar armor and helmets carelessly heaped in a pile on your journey here before would have been enough to cut deep in him, and while you were certain it had…Din was very much the type to lock things away. To let his emotions have a brief, silent moment and then immediately store them somewhere else. The thought of the loss of his covert had to have crossed his mind, time and time again during your travels, but his strict discipline kept any semblance of mourning over it at bay. It was now that the dam had finally broken, that the full weight of the loss crashed down around him, leaving you helpless to watch and wait for its end alongside him.

You wouldn’t tell him it was okay. Because it wasn’t. You knew better than most anyone else that it wasn’t okay, and there was nothing you could do to remedy it except to remain beside him. 

The door that he had shut tight within him had flown open, and you could feel the heaviness of the loss, the anger and the sorrow that pulsed in him, around him, your hands over his connecting you to his feelings on an even greater level than you’d ever experienced before. Never, never had you been able to feel anyone’s pain in this way, had never felt anyone else's emotions in this way at all. Your lungs constricted, and against your will tears had formed and settled in your own eyes.

“It’s my fault.” Din’s words broke through in a voice hardly over a whisper. “I did this.”

Guilt. The guilt was what you felt the most, what wrapped itself around him the hardest. You could sense that it had lingered somewhere dark and hidden for a long time, far before the time you had known him, and it only crept out in rare moments such as the night before. But now, now it was free and threatening to eat him alive.

“It’s—” you started, but had to swallow down the tightness in your throat before you could say more. “It’s not your fault, Din.”

Another near-silent gasp.  “You don’t—” he breathed out a short, wet sigh. “Every home I’ve had, everyone…they’re all gone. And I couldn’t stop any of it.”

So it was more than the covert. You knew enough of how Din had lost his first home, and his parents; bits and pieces of the story had slowly emerged during quiet moments in hyperspace, at night once the child had fallen asleep while you disassembled and cleaned weapons. You knew that his home as a young foundling has also been attacked and destroyed, which had eventually led to the covert’s home in the tunnels beneath Nevarro, where they had remained safe and hidden for years upon years following.

Until Moff Gideon’s return. Until even this home was taken from Din, too.

“You were a child,” you said softly, slipping one of your hands away from his. You let it hover over his back, considering before you finally settled to gently rest your palm flat against the space just below his shoulder. Din didn’t stiffen, didn’t pull away, but simply allowed your touch to remain. “And this…there’s no way you could have known. None of that is your fault.”  

He slowly lifted his head to face you. It was one of fleeting the moments in which you greedily wished you could see his eyes, just for a second. So you could read them, you could meet them without a barrier and speak directly through them all the things that your mouth wouldn’t allow you to say.

Din felt everything and nothing all at once. Anger at himself, not only for letting these things happen, but for letting someone see him in a state like this, weakness that he’d never dared reveal to anyone since he’d sworn the Creed. Sorrow for the realization that, even if some of the covert had by some miracle managed to escape, so many, so many had still been lost. And he had no way of even beginning to find whoever might remain. If they remained. Helplessness, because even though he told himself he’d never, ever let it show that it was something that affected him in even the slightest, he was alone.

But when he finally looked at you…it made things different. Because he wasn’t alone on this course he’d suddenly been set on just a few months before. And the blinding fear that he would be hopeless to stop something from happening to you or the child was threatening to tear him apart right in front of you. What good was a promise that he would protect you both if he wasn’t capable of fulfilling it?

“Talk to me,” you finally whispered, curling your fingers tighter in reassurance over his hand. It was almost desperation, but you needed to hear him say something. Had to capture even a fragment of an idea of what he was thinking.

You caught the slightest shake of his head before he spoke. “You, and the kid, you’re all I…” He took a near-shuddering breath. “If something happens to him, to you…I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.” 

The last words gave you pause. You knew that Din would give his life without question for the child if it came down to it. But for him to even think to care about you in such a way that it would hurt him so much to lose you…

It was the very same way you felt about him.

Any other doubts, any words yet to be spoken or anything else between you were either proved wrong or simply didn’t matter in that moment. Not any more.

You moved, turning so that your knees nearly touched, and you could look at him face-to-face. Or at least, as close as you could get to it. You reached for his other hand, encouraging him to separate his fists and instead wrap his fingers around yours. 

“I told you before, I’m not going anywhere. I made that choice for myself.” You blinked away the tears that again threaten to blur your vision. “I’m going to see this out with you. We’re going to get him home. And if we don’t…then, it’s like you said. We’ll figure something else out.”  

You forced a small smile. “Besides, the credits you owe me for all this work are really starting to stack up.”

Din breathed a huff of a weak laugh, in utter disbelief at you. At what his life had become. 

There were more words to be said, questions to be asked. They lingered just beneath the surface and begged to be spoken, to be made real. But it wasn’t the time for them. Not yet.

You sat for a moment, looking to each other in silence. You slowly felt the heaviness of the room lift, until Din breathed out a sigh, no longer struggling for air.

“We should keep going. I want to make sure nothing important was left behind.”

You nodded, relief flooding through you. While the pain you had felt from him didn’t vanish, it seemed to lighten then, to tuck itself away into a space where it could reside a bit more peacefully. You hoped that would remain true.

You were alone in the world, had been for some time. And while you knew deep down that you probably shouldn’t allow yourself to feel it, being with Din and the child had maybe made things a little less lonely. At least for now, taking care of the child and ensuring his safety bound the two of you together. Once that was gone, once Din had fulfilled his duty of reuniting him with his people...not only would you be alone, but so would he.

You silently made a promise to yourself then, too, unbeknownst to the Mandalorian who knelt across from you in that moment. A promise that, whatever it meant when the time came, you wouldn’t let him be alone. You wouldn’t leave him until you knew he wouldn’t have to feel that pain again. Even, if he wanted, that meant that you didn’t leave at all.

Din slowly rose to his feet. You followed behind, one of his hands still wrapped around yours as he helped you from the ground.

And as you made your way out of the room, he didn’t let go.

—

tag list: @nadia-rosea​ @capsironunderoos​ @electricprincess888​ @smolashie​ @iwatobiswimbros​ @backontheolebullshit​ @100kindsofblake​ @pandacookieowo​ @biolo-tea @baby-yodas-cool-aunt​ @heyitsjaybird​ @kristalhi​ @edgy-hufflepuff-bro​ @dirty-dancefl00r5​ @fastidious-and-a-mess​ @officiallydeceased​ @sunkissed-winter​ @crushingonmando​ @ah-callie​ @wrinkled-daydream @holamor​ @din-and-juice​ @synystersilenceinblacknwhite​ @goburnurflowercrown @mabelleen​ @b0n-chann​ @the-obsession-ship​ @operation-spot​ @atletino​ @immundusspiritu​ @jellyfishpoptart​​ 

[antialiasis]

Jean’s Family Interview

I noticed a while back that, although I posted a link to this before when I wrote it in 2016, it was just linked to the post in the Serebii thread where it was originally posted, and the link is no longer functional since an upgrade to the Serebii.net forums. It might be possible to just update the link in that post, but it’s kind of annoying that it’s offsite anyway; I’ve been wanting to archive this one properly on here with the rest of the non-canon Morphic extras. I’m still pretty fond of it; several favorite bits in here that just really tickle me.

This was originally posted in a “Character interviews” thread; the questions Jean asks actually came from Negrek, who started the thread, as interview questions to ask any character, but I wound up writing it as an in-character interview. It takes place sometime pre-chapter seven. Featuring: Dave explaining how fine he is, his dubious parenting skills, Jean being cute, and their relationship.

Dave was drinking his coffee and reading the paper on a Saturday morning (for some value of morning) when something touched his shoulder. He jumped to turn around, yanking the cup with him and sending half of the coffee splashing into his lap.

“Shit fuck Jesus Jean, where’d you come from.” She was standing behind him, clutching a notebook to her chest, the grin on her face vanishing. “Don’t do that. Christ.”

“Are you okay?” she asked, worried, hanging her head, ears lowered, puppy eyes in full force. “I’m sorry, Dad, I didn’t mean to…”

He grabbed a tissue from the kitchen counter and tried to wipe most of it off his jeans. He waved his other hand at her. “It’s… it’s okay, I’m fine. It was getting cold anyway.” He sighed. “What’d you want?”

Instantaneously, she perked up again. “I had English class yesterday,” she said, “and we’re supposed to interview a family member over the weekend! Can I interview you? I made questions and everything!” She proudly held her notebook forward.

“Oh.” He slumped back into his chair. Well, he could change his jeans when this was done, he supposed. It wasn’t like she had any other family members to interview. “Yeah, sure, Jean. What kind of interview?”

“Just an interview,” she said, shrugging.

“Are you going to read it out in class or what?”

“No. Just submit it to the teacher.”

“All right.” Jean’s teacher didn’t like him much, as far as he’d gathered from the parent-teacher conferences, but hopefully she wouldn’t take that out on her. “Fire away.”

Her brow furrowed.

“That means ask the first question, Jean. It’s metaphorical. Nothing to do with fire.”

“Ohhh.” Jean’s eyes lit up with understanding as she gave a sagely nod. She sat down at the other side of the kitchen table with her notebook and pencil and cleared her throat. “How would you introduce yourself to a stranger?”

“Uh. David Ambrose, Heywood Labs?”

Jean nodded, writing eagerly. “Next question… where do you live?”

“What.” She was looking earnestly at him. “What… you know where we live, Jean. So does your teacher, for that matter; it’s in the school registry. What kind of interview question is that?”

“She said we can ask questions we know the answers to so we can get them in the person’s own words.”

“But…” He stopped himself. “All right, if somebody else who doesn’t know that just, like, stopped me in the street and asked that, I’d say… no, hang on, that’s… no. What kind of interview question is that?”

Jean brought on the worried puppy eyes again. “Are my questions bad?”

“No, no, they’re fine, Jean.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Just say Grace City. That’s all. If random people you don’t know ever ask you where you live, that’s what you should say.”

“Not the street address?”

“No. Only tell that to people who really need to know it, all right? There could be some bad people out there who’d… Look, just give me the next question.”

“Okay.” Jean carefully wrote the two words. “What’s your family like?”

“Uh. Family like what? Family like you, or family like your g…” She looked up at him, curious. “One daughter. That’s all.”

“You’re supposed to say what she’s like,” Jean said, grinning.

“She’s beautiful and smart and half-Vulpix and one day she’s going to Flamethrower anyone who asks her personal questions in the street.”

“Yeah!” She pumped her fist, pure delight on her face as she eagerly started to write. Dave couldn’t help smiling a bit. He reached across the table and ruffled her curls.

“All right, here’s the next one,” Jean said when she laid down her pencil. “What do you want to do with your life, and how does what you’re doing now relate to that?”

Dave blinked. That was quite a shift. “Uh, well, what I’m doing now is raising you, and doing research on how you guys work and why you developed the way you did, and working on developing ways to make things easier for you, and also trying to fight for you to have a decent life like everyone else because some ignorant swathes of the population think you’re not entitled to basic fucking human rights.”

Jean nodded, her pencil moving meticulously across the paper.

“You know when I use words like that, you don’t write them down, right?”

“Yup.”

“Great, smart girl.”

“And the rest?” she asked, looking up.

“The rest of what?”

“The question.” She looked down to read it again. “What do you want to do with your life, and how does what you’re doing now relate to that?”

“Well…” He paused. “I expect this is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life. I mean, I better fucking hope you outlive me.” It struck him as he said it that most of the morphs aged faster than normal, Katherine and Mia fastest of all, Jean too. They couldn’t know anything about what the morphs’ lifespans would be like, it was pointless to even think about and they all knew that, but –

“Oh. But what did you want to do before you made us?”

“I don’t know, just… science, research. Something to keep my brain occupied.”

Jean nodded and wrote. “Next… what’s your most unusual trait?”

“Heh.” He scratched his head. “Well, I figured out how to combine human and Pokémon DNA and it’s probably going to lead to the biggest medical advances in centuries. That’s pretty fucking unique. Also, I can string together a logical argument. You’d be surprised how rare that is.”

“What’s a sure way to make you angry?”

He grimaced. “How about shoving religion in my face? Don’t even get me started.”

Jean nodded. “What’s your biggest accomplishment?”

“See question… whatever the question was where I talked about combining human and Pokémon DNA and the biggest medical advances in centuries.”

“What decision do you most regret?”

His first thought, of course, was in no way an appropriate thing to say in this interview, or to Jean at all, ever. And, he realized upon the reflection it took to complete that thought, not actually true.

“I…” This was harder than it should be, God. “I regret yelling at you earlier,” he ended up saying when he couldn’t think of anything better. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dad,” Jean said brightly. He tilted his head to see what she was writing: I regret yelling at you –

“I… are you sure you should write that?”

“It’s what you answered,” she said.

“Okay, no, hold on, I…” He stopped; she looked at him expectantly. Well, so what if her teacher would think he was a terrible parent. She thought that anyway. And if he went around taking back apologies to his daughter because they made him sound bad, she was probably right. “…Never mind.”

“Next question?”

“Sure.”

“What do you think is the most important thing for other people to understand about you?”

“Huh. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, sometimes people are afraid of me or think I’m weird because I’m part Vulpix,” Jean said. “So I’d want them to understand that I’m just a girl like them and I’d only hurt bad guys.”

Dave raised his eyebrows. “Well, I don’t think I’m terribly misunderstood,” he said. “I say what I mean, and if people don’t like it, tough. Who cares what they think, anyway? You shouldn’t care what any of those people think about you. They’ll never understand you’re just a girl like them, but it doesn’t matter because they’re idiots.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling. Again he looked to see exactly what she was writing; she left it at I say what I mean, and if people don’t like it, tough. Part of him wanted the teacher to see the rest too, but it was probably better this way.

“Last question,” she said when she looked up. “If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?”

“Change? I don’t want to change anything about myself. If I wanted to, I would’ve changed it already.”

“But what if you wanted something like a tail or a fire sac?”

“Well, I don’t. No offense.”

“There’s nothing you’d want to change that you can’t?”

“No, why would I? I look fine, I can do everything I want to do, what’s not to like? What, do you want to change stuff about yourself? Because you’re perfect as you are.”

Jean shrugged slightly. “I wish I screwed up less,” she said, averting her gaze. “I always make my friends mad at me and I don’t understand why. And if that coffee had been hot I could’ve really hurt you, couldn’t I?” She looked back up at him, eyes glistening with tears.

“What? Oh, no, Jean, that’s not…” Shit. He never knew what to say in these moments. He leaned forward on the table. “Look. It’s not your fault. None of it’s your fault, all right? If your friends get mad at you for no reason, that’s their problem, not yours. They’re… they’re probably just prejudiced morons like the rest of them and don’t deserve you anyway, okay? And forget about the coffee. Just… pretend that never happened. Okay?”

“But it did,” she said miserably.

“Look, everyone screws up sometimes. It’s okay. It’s no big deal.”

“Even you?” she sniffled.

“Well, yeah, sure, sometimes.”

Jean wiped her face with her hand. “Okay.”

“Great. Is that the end of the interview, then?”

“Yeah.” Jean nodded as she stood up and picked up her pencil and notebook. Then her ears perked up again. “The teacher said next week we might do a follow-up interview with more questions. You’ll do that too, right?”

Dave sighed. “Yeah, sure. Just let me know.”

Jean bounced off to her room, back in her regular mood. He shook his head. Better be prepared for that, then.

Now, though, he needed to change his jeans and make another cup of coffee.

[iinfortunii]

rules: code of conduct.

BEGIN.

Before we start, I would like you to have certain things in mind when approaching me ooc. I am very shy and quite awkward, which results in me not being much of a talker; however, I will always try my best to be friendly to whoever wants to approach. I dislike pet names so please do not use them with me unless we are very close. There will be times when I'm just exhausted, so my wording could sound rude/aggressive, to which I apologize in advance -I never mean to hurt people’s feelings. I also reserve the right to interact with WHOEVER I want, and pestering me about it will only get you blocked.

Updates will be made as required.

I. BASIC.

A. This blog is: Selective / Independent / Canon Divergent / NSFW / Mutuals only / Singleship / Mostly iconless / Multiverse / AU, Crossover, OC, and Multimuse friendly / Vaguely affiliated with the OP RP fandom.

B. I am a very slow rper for many reasons —school, family, my ever-fluctuating mood —and I would appreciate it if you refrained from pestering me for replies. In return I offer as much patience as necessary. Think of this blog as low activity please.

C. English is not my mother language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes made.

D. I track the tag #iinfortunii, although mentioning me works just as fine.

E. Constructive criticism is always welcome but anon hate will be immediately deleted. I have no problems if you disagree with my portrayal, but it doesn't give you the right to harass me.

F. Mun and muse are both over 18, so there are chances that heavy content will be present; however I won't be writing smut. I can roleplay anything before or after the act if requested, but the moment things get far too explicit, I'll do a fade-to-black. I ask of you to not lie about your age or else you’ll be blocked indefinitely.

G. This is a heavily headcanon-based blog, and changes are likely to be made as more information is revealed about him, though I reserve the right to adjust the new information according to my interpretation of Deuce or simply ignore it, which is why I’m canon divergent.

H. If you'd like to turn an ask into a thread, you can turn it into a new post, or reblog from me, as I won't be using the Tumblr asks anymore due to the problems that come with formatting and such.

I. Ask box is open for everyone ic or ooc, but you aren't allowed to turn it into a thread and nor I will reply to it if we’re not mutuals. Please don't push me, because I won't hesitate to block.

J. No godmoding —only a minor is allowed if it moves a thread forward —or metagaming, please. Don't kill Deuce either, unless plotted beforehand, and most importantly, don't hold your muse back.

K. Discord is available for mutuals upon request.

L. Just because I write something it does not mean I condone it. Please have this in mind and again, do not pester me about it. Any and all nsfw matters will be tagged accordingly. There will be triggering topics present, and you can know more about this on the section below.

M. DO NOT involve me in drama or call-out posts. I’m heavily against both things. On this note, you’ll never see me rebloging a call-out post. This culture is so damaging and toxic, and I firmly believe no one should play the role of the judge for the good of the community just because you had issues with someone or don’t agree with the things they roleplay. Talk things privately, be mature about it, hard-block the person and move on. I am also very aware that a lot of people have done things that can’t be excused, but I like to believe that people can change for the better. If you try to drag me into it, I'll hard block any and all people involved indefinitely.

II. TRIGGERS.

A. They will be tagged as trigger tw, trigger / and trigger cw.

B. I do my best to stay up to date with my mutuals triggers. Your comfort is way more important to me than you might think, so never be hesitant to approach me via IM, (anonymous) ask or stop following me.

C. Triggers that are likely to appear, although some more than others: violence || blood || death || drugs || abuse || knives || body image || medical equipment || suggestive content || etc

D. I have no triggers, so you are free to go wild with your content. I only ask you remember to tag your nsfw (both written and visual), please.

III. INTERACTIONS.

A. Deuce won't like everyone. He might/will make wrong assumptions about your character. He will insult and bite back. He won't always be nice to those he likes. He does many things that serve his interests. You, as the mun, have no reason to take it personal, because I'm won't follow someone I don't like; if you DO take it personal however, and decide to rouse drama, then I'll be hard-blocking you. Goes for me as well —I have no reason to get angry for any of the things noted above.

B. My bonds page displays the relationships that have been built over time, not necessarily through interaction alone but over plotting as well. Refer to it for more information.

C. Interactions with OCs related to canon characters will only take place as long as said OCs have a detailed about page. Personally, I'm not interested in the idea of an OC being blood-related to my portrayal, so I apologize in advance.

D. Formatting isn’t a big thing across my blogs, save for the small text. Please don’t mix either sup/sub with small text when writing with me, as I have eyesight problems. Don’t use colored text either.

E. Non-romantic pre-established relationships are allowed! Just make sure to talk it out with me first, yeah?

01. Spade / Whitebeard pirates (canon and original characters alike that i am MUTUALS with) will have a pre-established relationship as long as the other mun is comfortable with such idea, though that relationship will be limited to merely crewmates, unless discussed otherwise.

F. You don’t need to match my writing length as long as I’m given enough to work with. If something about my reply bothers or doesn’t work with you, let me know and I’ll re-work it.

G. I really enjoy plotting scenarios or talking out about the relationships my muse could have with other muses, so hit me up if you’ve got any ideas! I’ll try to do the same!

H. Mun does not equal muse, so don’t go assuming I’m a jerk simply because Deuce is an asshole from time to time. I’m set on the idea that I’ll give people the same treatment they give me —which is always nice and kind. Kudos to everyone for this ♡

I. I don’t use a threadtracker because I rely on my memory (terrible mistake, I know), but I try to draft people’s replies as soon as I see them. If by any reason it seems like I lost it, then please let me know / send me a link with it and I’ll be deeply grateful.

J. I don’t do nor reply to greetings starters for matters of my own comfort, so I ask of you to never expect a starter or a reply from them.

IV. SHIPPING.

A. Singleship, with the spot taken by daadzi, which means Deuce is no longer open for romantic relationships.

01. Under no circumstances, I will accept more romantic relationships once the spot is taken. That being said, I won’t discourage your muse from falling for / hitting on him, although I ask you to understand he will never respond with the same interest or will never react gently if he’s pushed too far.

02. If my shipping partner is comfortable enough, I'll interact with duplicates with the condition that the relationship is strictly platonic.

B. Constant interaction, mutual interest, and chemistry are a must for the sake of better communication (both ic and ooc, preferably).

C. Please do not approach me if you wish our characters to have either a: one night stand or friends with benefits type of relationships. It won’t work out due to the nature of Deuce’s personality, and for that I apologize.

E. My ship has its own tag so you're free to block it if you don't want to see it on your dashboard. In addition, I'll also tag those posts with only the ship name for this very purpose.

F. Please do not force ships on me.

V. CELEBRATIONS.

A. First off, I am absolutely terrible at keeping up with dates, and to be frank, I am not the biggest fan of celebrating, which is why I think it’s necessary to say I won’t be partaking in any holidays, not even Deuce’s birthday (not that he has one, to begin with). Obviously I will still reply to any gifts received, and will send out things in return —you know, common courtesy.

B. I won't be sending out birthday gifts every year, and I might write drabbles for people once in a blue moon; it doesn’t mean they will be done for the specific date though, so please be patient.

VI. REASONS TO NOT FOLLOW BACK / UNFOLLOW.

A. Too much drama / call-outs / vague posts / sexual content.

B. Content makes me uncomfortable.

C. You are a personal blog without a visible rp sideblog. Please make sure it's easy to find.

D. You do not have a proper tag system.

E. Your blog doesn’t have a rules and about pages.

F. You lack the manners to deal with people respectfully.

G. I have no interest / lost interest.

H. I'm constantly / only used as a meme archive.

I. Other reasons may apply. I will soft block so we can both cease following each other and avoid any potential awkward situations. I won’t make a fuss if you decide to unfollow so I expect the same courtesy.

VII. ABOUT BEATRICE.

She is not a real person. Her concept as Deuce’s (toxic) pseudolover is my creation and was somewhat inspired from the real life Beatrice Portinari. Do have in mind that Deuce doesn’t talk about her so your muse can’t simply approach him and ask about her unless they can go through his memories / read his mind / any capability alike or he speaks about her, though it won't take a genius to figure out that she's a product of his imagination.

You can read about her by clicking here -link to be added.

She serves as a lie to shield himself from the internalized homophobia he deals with up until meeting Ace.

NOTE: As stated previously, Mun =/= muse, but I too have been dealing with compulsory heterosexuality for far too long, so I'd like to apologize in advance for projecting a bit of that into my portrayal. I'll work so that this part makes sense with what we've been given from Ace's novel.

VIII. MISCELLANEOUS.

A. I will never force people to follow me, so if by any reason you have to unfollow/block me, please go ahead. Your comfort matters and have every right to do what you must to ensure your wellbeing. With that said, I will not tolerate and will immediately hard block if you try to police my content.

B. I do not follow back immediately, and it can take me from a few hours to several days to follow back. Do not take it personally if I choose not to.

C. If I follow it’s because I am interested in interacting. I only ask you to be patient because it might take me a while to gather the courage to send something to your inbox or talk to you.

D. I have. ZERO knowledge about medicine. Don’t expect me to go full force and try to be 100% accurate, because I won’t.

E. I practice reblog karma (send a meme to someone if I’m rebloging it from them). If you see something you’d like to reblog but have no intention in sending something yourself, then please reblog from the source.

IX. FINISH.

Thank you for taking the time to read this! As you might have noticed, there’s no password to send. Make sure to check the psa tag for any updates, or don’t hesitate to send an ask if there’s anything unclear! I do my best so as not to post too much OOC posts, but sometimes it just happens. If it's nothing important, then I'll erase it whenever I have the chance/remember.

Keanu Reeves vc: You’re all breathtaking!

[smallblueandloud]

fsk emotions: the playlist

(i’d like to apologize in advance for how long this is going to get. UPDATE: yeah, this is around 4k, i am So Sorry.)

in case y’all weren’t aware, i have fitzskimmons emotions ALL THE TIME. my poor friends have to deal with me texting them at 11 pm like “i’m freaking out about fsk again” embarrassingly often. so, i figured i’d try to share some of those emotions with y’all, in the form of songs from my private fsk playlist on spotify. 

that playlist is 63 songs long. hopefully i will not feel the need to talk about ALL 63, but i’m not going to make any promises. y’all know what i’m like about this. i’m planning on giving you a list of the songs for your listening pleasure, and then go into detail about the lines / vibes from each song that i think especially fit the ship. we shall see how this goes.

just a warning: my music taste is very all over the place. i associate the sound of 80s love songs with fsk, so there’s gonna be a few of those, but also some weird obscure indie songs and some pop and just... bear with me, okay? these songs are in no particular order, because i have no idea how to make a “”legit”” playlist or whatever the heck y’all are doing to make such good mixes. i’m just gonna stick a tracklist here and move on.

can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

gravity // sara bareilles

new year’s day // taylor swift

don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

i choose you // sara bareilles

ordinary people // john legend

carry on // fun.

blackbird // the beatles

thunder road // bruce springsteen

the long and winding road // the beatles

the archer // taylor swift

army of angels // the script

paper rings // taylor swift

lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

wonderwall // zella day

team // noah cyrus

i melt with you // modern english

cornelia street // taylor swift

coroner’s report // molly ofgeography

two // sleeping at last

fair // the amazing devil

arms unfolding // dodie

making love out of nothing at all // air supply

all the song explanations are under the cut, because this is going to get long. there’s also ten honorable mentions if you manage to make it to the end of this. let’s get started!

1. can’t fight this feeling // reo speedwagon

i felt legally required to put this one first because i literally named my magnum opus after it. i like this song a lot on its own, but it specifically reminds me of fsk because the idea of your partner(s) as the place you will always gravitate towards is peak fsk for me. also, these three are canonically each others’ reassurance and rock and i’m just... i love them a lot, okay? this song’s imagery and lyrics have come to be inextricably associated with fsk for me and i love it a lot.

important lyrics: “And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night”

“And if I have to crawl upon the floor, come crashing through your door Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore“

2. gravity // sara bareilles

this one goes second because it’s probably my favorite song of all time. i play it on repeat whenever i’m feeling sad or anxious or pining or happy or just... anytime, lmao. but i also think it’s a very fsk song, and more specifically the fitzdaisy relationship! not only does it have more of that “gravitating towards each other” theme (more literally in this case), but the lyrics are also... very much fitzdaisy, i think, who are very much each others’ safe space and have been vulnerable with each other from the very beginning.

important lyrics: “ Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile When I thought that I was strong But you touch me for a little while And all my fragile strength is gone”

(although really every single lyric fits really perfectly, so go and check out this song! it’s genuinely my favorite song ever and i think everyone would benefit from a listen or two)

3. new year’s day // taylor swift

the most underrated song from reputation, this song is probably the most INTENSELY fsk song i’ve ever heard. these three have grown up together, have changed together, have left their mark on each other in ways that can never be undone. the thing i’m most nervous for in the series finale is the show completely ignoring that impact (along with all three’s relationships with coulson and may especially!). no matter their romantic configuration, none of them would be the same if they hadn’t known the others. and new year’s day really articulates that, along with a really sweet feeling of trust and the image of them cleaning up together after a party - which makes perfect sense when you think about canon, and how they’d stick together even after leaving the life-changing experience of shield. even though there’s no more life-changing adventures, they’re still going to be together, and that means something. y’all, this song is really good and the best fsk song ever and you NEED to listen to it.

important lyrics: “Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you”

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere”

4. don’t go breaking my heart // elton john & kiki dee

look, just let them be happy, okay? also, i really love the trust aspect of this song, which i associate intensely with the fsk relationship. after all of the betrayal and pain and suffering they’ve experienced, i really love thinking about how much all three must trust each other, even in canon. also i wrote a fic where all three danced to this song and now i won’t ever get that image out of my head.

important lyrics: “Don't go breaking my heart I couldn't if I tried Honey, if I get restless Baby, you're not that kind”

“And nobody told us 'Cause nobody showed us And now it's up to us, babe Whoa, I think we can make it“

5. dancing in the dark // bruce springsteen

okay, this song is a bit darker than the others but i am a secret lover of springsteen, shh. also the mood works VERY well for three agents of shield who haven’t gotten a break since they left college. i really like the idea of them making their own happiness in the middle of the darkness together, because that’s part of why i’m so emotional about them! they are each others’ safe space and protector!

important lyrics: “You can't start a fire Sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we’re just dancing in the dark”

6. born to be yours // kygo & imagine dragons

heck yeah, let’s talk about the fact that no one in the ot3 would be the same if they hadn’t met the others! not just that, but the fact that they support each other and are a big reason why each of them have made it through the pain of the series with, like, less trauma then they could’ve. fitz was there for daisy when she developed her powers and is the one who talked her into coming back in s4, daisy was there for jemma when she came back from maveth (and in the framework), and jemma and fitz have been supporting each other since they worked things out in s3. also, they know each other insanely well and i think this song does a great job of expressing that!

important lyrics: “I never knew anybody 'til I knew you I never knew anybody 'til I knew you And I know when it rains, oh, it pours And I know I was born to be yours”

7. i choose you // sara bareilles

they! change! together! thank you for coming to my ted talk! also, i’m just... very obsessed with the idea of them choosing to be together, choosing to try to work through their problems, even when there have been so many. i am also obsessed with the idea of them spending their lives together. leave me alone.

important lyrics: “We are not perfect we'll learn from our mistakes And as long as it takes I will prove my love to you I am not scared of the elements I am underprepared, But I am willing And even better I get to be the other half of you”

8. ordinary people // john legend

i really, really love this song, actually? i’m a big fan of a lot of his music lmao. but i like this song specifically because it’s about how complicated love can be sometimes, and i think fsk’s love gets really complicated sometimes! and like, despite it all, they love each other and they’re trying to work it out. but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s really hard sometimes! (shoutout to the fic i titled with a lyric from this song that exemplifies that exactly)

important lyrics: “I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes And we both still got room left to grow And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work but I think maybe we should take it slow”

9. carry on // fun.

first off, this song has INTENSE post-framework fitz vibes. this is very much how i headcanon his relationship with violence works after they escape from the framework and fuck canon. but also, just, the idea of them all healing together? the idea of them moving on together after shield? poetic cinema. chef’s kiss. they’ve all changed SO MUCH since the show started, and yeah, not all of that change is good! but at least they’re still together.

important lyrics: “You swore and said we are not We are not shining stars This I know I never said we are Though I've never been through hell like that I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back”

10. blackbird // the beatles

i don’t know what about this song reminds me of jemma but something in this song reminds me of jemma, and fitz and daisy helping her heal. regardless, i am So Into them helping each other heal! mostly because the way that the show refuses to give them a break is SO FRUSTRATING. (also it tends to involve them being soft with each other and i am Weak.)

important lyrics: “Blackbird singing in the dead of night Take these broken wings and learn to fly”

11. thunder road // bruce springsteen

this is probably my second favorite song of all time. i am Absolutely Unbiased For Sure. regardless, i adore the imagery of this song, the contrast between the poetic feeling of it and the down-to-earth lyrics. this song, to me, is about people coming back to each other at the end of a long long journey. being in love while tired and recovering from a long, painful, messy life. and that just fits them... so well.

important lyrics: “Well now I'm no hero That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl Is beneath this dirty hood”

“With a chance to make it good somehow Hey what else can we do now Except roll down the window And let the wind blow back your hair? Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere“

(y’all do not understand how hard it was to not copy All The Lyrics. you really really have to listen to this song.)

12. the long and winding road // the beatles

EXACTLY THE SAME THING THAT I SAID FOR THE LAST SONG. god this song works so well for them. they are never going to be able to leave each other because they’re so interconnected and yeah, part of that is circumstance, but so MUCH of that is CHOICE. they CHOSE to spend time together, they CHOSE to spend time together, i’m getting emotional over here.

important lyrics: “The long and winding road That leads to your door Will never disappear I've seen that road before It always leads me here Lead me to you door”

13. the archer // taylor swift

this is THE definitive daisy pov song. try to tell me i’m wrong. you can’t. daisy showing vulnerability is a BIG DEAL because of how easily she deflects things! she shows vulnerability to people she loves, most notably mack, coulson, fitz, and jemma! it physically pains me to think about how much she trusts them, y’all. there’s also this sense of melancholy throughout the song, because she’s never going to be the person that she once was. I’m Upset, Y’all.

important lyrics: “Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone I never grew up, it's getting so old Help me hold onto you”

14. army of angels // the script

this song is courtesy of @theclaravoyant, who recommended this as THE fsk song, and i think she’s very right! they fight TOGETHER, y’all. i’m very emo about it. their love is TRANSCENDENT and helps them OVERCOME their obstacles and i’m Really Upset About It, okay?? this song especially sounds like jemma’s voice, but it works so well for any of them and i Love It.

important lyrics: “When they got me cornered Close to giving in Oh I feel you round me like a second skin”

15. paper rings // taylor swift

*sobbing* i just want them to be HAPPY. i think part of my feelings about this song stem from, like, how fsk manages to find love during really, really dark times? and manages to be in love with each OTHER during the events of the show, which are VERY DARK as i think we can agree. and yet they managed to get together! and they managed to stick together! and idk, y’all, i’m just so soft for permanent partnerships and people being Married(tm) and this song brings that in SPADES.

important lyrics: “Kiss me once 'cause I know you had a long night Kiss you twice 'cause it's gonna be alright Three times 'cause you waited your whole life”

“I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings Uh huh, that's right Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this“

16. lucky // jason mraz & colbie caillat

this song just SCREAMS domesticity to me and no it’s absolutely NOT because i used a lyric from this song to title my collection of domestic fsk ficlets, i have no idea where you would get such a ridiculous idea. they are all BEST FRIENDS okay and they’re in LOVE and they come HOME TO EACH OTHER at the end of the day. they genuinely like spending time together. god, this song is so cute, i love it so much.

important lyrics: “I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love in every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday”

17. wonderwall // zella day

before you tell me i’m being stupidly cliche, look at the artist. and then realize that the artist doesn’t make a different for how cliche i’m being. first off, this is such a wlw song (google that one car commercial if you don’t believe me) and skimmons is kind of. my peak wlw song. but also this song is so lovely because it’s about people persevering through challenges to be together, even their own feelings, and that’s VERY good and VERY fsk. i’m just very gay, alright? leave me alone.

important lyrics: “And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you But I don't know how Because maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me And after all You're my wonderwall”

18. team // noah cyrus

this song is from @bobbimorseisbisexual’s fsk playlist (thanks al i love you) and it’s VERY GOOD for this ship. god, i have so many emotions about them being on the same team (which is part of why it’s so FRUSTRATING when the show tries to split them up-). especially because trust is such a big aspect of their relationship? look, these are three people who have been betrayed a lot, even by each other. it’s so IMPORTANT that they trust each other to be on the same team!! (also this song is one of the only songs i’ve ever heard that’s apparently singing to both a man and a woman, and i’m gonna ignore the fact that it’s a duet. let me have my poly songs.)

important lyrics: “Whenever you're winning I'll give you strength, boy And I'll share your name, girl 'Cause I'll always be on your, I'll always be on your team Yeah, I'll always be on your team”

19. i melt with you // modern english

this song is sponsored by @florchis, who not only was the person that first told me about this song but also named her entire fsk collection after one of the lyrics. she has very good taste. first off i love how high-energy and happy this song is. declaring your love for someone is a VERY fun thing to do in the best of circumstances! and i just love the idea of them taking time for each other in the middle of all of their shield business. i love them so much, y’all.

important lyrics: “Moving forward using all my breath Making love to you was never second best I saw the world crashing all around your face (let me hear you) Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace (c'mon)”

“I'll stop the world and melt with you You've seen the difference And it's getting better all the time There's nothing you and I won't do”

20. cornelia street // taylor swift

YES, i know this is the FOURTH tswift song on this list. she’s really good at songwriting, okay? also... y’all.. the VULNERABILITY. the LONGING. the idea of having to deal with the very real fear of loss fits VERY well for a ship where everyone involved is in mortal danger three times a week. also, the idea of never being able to separate the memories of a place from the people? that’s peak fsk. i know i keep saying this but they’re all HUGELY INFLUENTIAL on each other and it’s a BIG DEAL!! they’re never going to get over this relationship, this love, and I’m Never Going To Get Over Them.

important lyrics: “And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend I'd never walk Cornelia Street again”

21. coroner’s report // molly ofgeography (aka @ofgeography)

first off, everyone should listen to this ENTIRE ALBUM because it’s VERY GOOD. secondly, i know this song is really sad but imagine this as steeling yourself for the series finale. canonverse fsk hurts SO MUCH, y’all, and i love them so much. the metaphor in this song is *chef’s kiss* and the guilt of losing love is.... yeah. i’m sad. please be sad with me.

important lyrics: “How do you bury love, and what gets carved into the stone? If I had waited by the window would love be safe and back at home?”

“We held hands in the procession, black and veiled and strange You said, ‘love was good when love was here,’ it didn't ease the ache“

22. two // sleeping at last

okay i definitely think that part of this is me being an extreme 2 and therefore considering this song the Peak of Romance. which is probably a little unhealthy but leave me alone. i don’t know enough about enneagram types to diagnose any of the ot3, but definitely this song resembles all of them to some extent, especially daisy. (i am in pain.) this song, to me, feels like daisy pining for fs in canonverse. (i am in PAIN.) she would ABSOLUTELY give parts of herself up for them and count on the fact that they wouldn’t notice. god, this hurts so much. i love this song so much. if it helps, i think in a happier universe they all also sacrifice parts of themselves for the others? which hurts too but in a good way.

important lyrics: “Tell me, is something wrong? If something's wrong, you can count on me You know I'll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat”

“I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too“

23. fair // the amazing devil

this song is CRIMINALLY unknown. GO LISTEN TO IT RIGHT NOW AND THEN MEET ME BACK HERE. this song just screams fsk at me. the humor, the depths of love, the good-natured resentment, the depths of love... god. it’s so good. i definitely think the strength of their emotions for each other overwhelm them sometimes. i think they find comfort with each other, i think they tease each other, i think they’re disgustingly in love all the time. god.

important lyrics: “She promises to fight them all when it all becomes too much And he, he curses at the world for Leaving him behind and he's falling out of touch And she is stronger than he's ever been he knows And she brushes her hand through His hair, he's got so much fucking hair”

“And he holds her close just to keep the world at bay And when they're sure no-one can hear them She'll turn to him to say, she'll turn to him and say It's not fair, It's not fair how much I love you“

(yes i DID copy more than i’ve been copying for the rest, because the songwriting in this song and album are PHENOMENAL and YES i will harass y’all until you listen to it because LOOK AT HOW GOOD IT IS.)

24. arms unfolding // dodie

i know, i know, this is a really short song. but it’s really pretty and i think it fits daisy, like, extremely well. think about daisy during early s4, specifically. she loves them enough to break down her walls. that’s what this song is about. and that’s what i’m gonna go cry over now. god this post is so long what the heck.

important lyrics: “Hope I'm not tired of rebuilding 'Cause this might take a little more I think I'd like to try Look at you And feel the way I did before”

“You know I could live without or with you But I might like having you about“

25. making love out of nothing at all // air supply

okay, so i admit it, i’m actually a HUGE fan of really cheesy 80s music. but i really love this song for them? especially jemma. i think it fits jemma really well. first off, it’s that good old vulnerability with admitting that she doesn’t know everything! and it’s admitting that she specifically doesn’t know what she’s doing with this relationship! and admitting how much she loves both of them even though she might not have wanted to! and i think she’s just... so amazed, so so amazed at the way that fitz and daisy are able to forgive and be loving even when they’re in the worst situations? which is definitely a big message of this song. (oh jemma, i love you and your violent tenancies. i see al’s valid criticisms and i am Loving You Anyway.)

important lyrics: “I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em And I always know the name of the game But I don't know how to leave you And I'll never let you fall”

“And I don't know how you do it Making love out of nothing at all”

jesus CHRIST this got long. i actually also had a bunch more songs that i didn’t have a LOT to say about but i thought they fit anyways, so uh, honorable mentions:

can’t help falling in love // elvis presley (”wise men say only fools rush in / but i can’t help falling in love with you”)

the longest time // billy joel (they’ve influenced each other)

after all // peter cetera & cher (they’re never going to be able to forget the influence they have on each other)

leave a tender moment alone // billy joel (daisy pov for skimmons. that is all)

she // dodie (i am Soft and Gay and skimmons is also Soft and Gay)

bremen // pigpen theatre co. (honestly idk what to say here, it’s just The Vibe)

say something // a great big world (similar vibe to ordinary people)

saturn // sleeping at last (Science and also Influence On Each Other)

celeste // ezra vine (thanks to al for this one too, i REALLY want to write a fic about them and this song at some point)

 you’re the inspiration // chicago (i just love the sound of this song. also i think all of them - but jemma especially - are inspired by the others to be better)

[mimi-cee-hq]

Anonymous Text - Futakuchi x Reader

(I blame @/starlity’s blog for this story because it made me want to write for a Dateko character. 😊 )

Summary:

From Nametsu’s suggestion, Y/n starts taking requests to practise her makeup skills. Futakuchi starts texting her for fun without telling her who he is. But there’s a reason why he wants to stay anonymous.

I have a Futakuchi character summary post if you forgot who he is. I reference some of the scenes in that post for this story so I recommend taking a look at it. I also took a different approach to Futakuchi’s character, but it’s still based on canon events. Also, Nametsu Mai is Dateko’s manager, Koganegawa is their huge baby setter, and Onagawa is the season 4 dude with the big hair they nicknamed Pantalons.

Request from @rynn-lee:

hi, hi!! could i ask for a matchup? 🤓 well, i’m 18 and 5’4. i’m curvy and a bit chubby, and i have straight strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes (also glasses uwu). my style is something in between 80s and rocker, i always wear black, RED, animal prints, leather… and my makeup has to be always on point lol (i’m studying makeup). about my personalityyy… i’m a very calm and patient person, i think i tend to be kind and very open minded. i can be shy sometimes, but i’m usually outgoing. i also love having fun, and i’m always teasing my friends. i may be a bit sarcastic too… 👀 but i always try to help and do all i can for them my passions are music (mostly hard rock and 80s), art, drawing, reading, cinema… (useless fact: i LOVE jurassic park omg) i also love very very much the beach, i could be there forever. and, although being calm, i have anxiety issues :( i’m a big nerd and i live for memes lmao i hope this works! thank you in advance! ❤️

Anonymous Text - Futakuchi x Reader

Words: 2,245

“You’re right. That looks pretty bad.” laughed Y/n.

“I told you. It looks worse than it actually is though. It doesn’t hurt that much.”

Nametsu continued to explain to Y/n that she had gotten the bruise on her cheek during the boys’ volleyball practice. Futakuchi had accidentally hit her when he turned around while carrying the volleyball pole.

“But seriously, I don’t know what to do with him. Futakuchi is supposed to be the captain, but he’s not exactly the best role model. Some days I feel like Aone would have been the better choice.”

“So is he the guy you have a crush on?”

“Futakuchi?” asked Nametsu. Y/n nodded. "Ew. No. You wouldn’t want to date him. He takes things too lightly. He was always causing trouble for our senpais.“

Y/n was in the same class as Futakuchi, but they had never really talked to each other. She’d hear about him at times from Nametsu, usually complaining about him. But Y/n was the kind of person who’d want to get to know someone herself instead of basing her opinion on what someone else had told her. She wondered if Futakuchi really was as bad as Nametsu had said.

“Okay,” said Y/n as she took a closer look at Nametsu’s bruise. "I might be able to help you out with this.“

It was Y/n’s dream to become a makeup artist, so she had recently went to a makeup camp for high schoolers. One of the things they had learned was to create a bruised look. She had also learned how to cover up bruises. So she was happy to help Nametsu with what she had learned.

“Thanks so much, Y/n,” said Nametsu. “I didn’t want people at school commenting on it all day.”

“It’s no problem,” Y/n smiled.

When she was done, Nametsu was amazed at her work. “It’s like it’s not even there anymore!”

“This is good practice for me too,” Y/n replied with a smile. “I could do this every day for you until your bruise disappears, if you’d like.”

Nametsu’s eyes sparkled, delighted at Y/n’s offer. “I’d love that! You’re the best!” she exclaimed as she hugged her. As Y/n packed up her makeup tool box, Nametsu asked, "Have you ever thought about taking requests? I bet other girls at school would love to have their makeup done by you.“

Y/n thought for a moment. She had never considered it before. "That sounds like it would be fun!” she replied with a grin.

A few weeks later, Nametsu’s bruise healed so Y/n wasn’t as busy with her make-up anymore. It was tiring for her to wake up so early every day, but she’d do anything for her friends. Nametsu helped Y/n create some posters to place around the school with information about this new undertaking of hers. It wasn’t too long before she got some make-up requests. But she also got an interesting one.

Unknown number: You do make-up right?

Y/n: I do. Is there a certain style you want?

Unknown number: Could you make my lips look plump? Extra plump? And really red? Could you also make my eyelashes 10 inches long?

Y/n smirked at the request. It seemed like she attracted a troll. But being the calm and patient person she was, she replied with sarcasm.

Y/n: Sure. I can definitely do that. Red is a nice colour. I’ll need $400 to cover the cost of the 10 inch false eyelashes.

Unknown number: What? They exist?

Y/n: Sorry, I forgot to add “/sarcasm”

“What are you doing?” asked Nametsu in class, noticing Y/n smiling at her phone.

“Just having fun with a troll,” she laughed. When she got another notification on her phone, she saw there was a reply.

Unknown number: I deserved that. How are you doing? Are you getting any requests?

Y/n didn’t expect that those first few texts to be the start of an interesting friendship. The two of them continued to text each other over the next few weeks. It was kind of weird, but also fun. She didn’t learn much about him. She knew he was a guy that went to her school. He had apparently seen the posters which is where he got her number. He told her that he wanted to keep his identity a secret for fun. She didn’t mind.

At first the texts were just silly. He’d share a picture making fun of one of the teachers. She’d share a meme in response. But after a few weeks of texting back and forth, they started sharing more with each other.

That guy: Have you ever dealt with people who say they understood what you said, but it looks like they didn’t understand at all?

Y/n: Lol. Are you having a hard time teaching someone?

That guy: I guess you could say that.

Another day, Y/n decided to share her worries with him as well.

Y/n: I’m starting to get anxious about my next request. The last one didn’t go so well. She didn’t like it.

That guy: What? You worked so hard! Who do I need to hunt down?

Y/n: Ummm… No. Please don’t. It’s not like you’d get away with it.

That guy: Don’t worry. I won’t get caught. I’ve had lots of practice!

Y/n just stared at that last text and laughed. “Who is this guy?”

“Who?” asked Nametsu, who was sitting beside her in class.

“Just ‘that guy’,” she replied.

“You’re still texting him?” asked Nametsu. Y/n nodded with a smirk. “Anyway, how are your make-up requests going?”

“They’re alright. I’m starting to run out of make-up though, so I’ll need to get more supplies.”

Y/n didn’t expect to see her tall and large classmate in front of her the next day. Aone handed her an envelope. When she asked what it was for, he just gestured to the note that was on it.

“This is for the eyelashes. I expect them to look awesome,” said the handwritten note on the envelope.

She read the note with a snicker. When she looked at the other side to open the envelope, there was an additional note.

“Actually, I don’t think they’ll suit me. Just use this to buy other make-up supplies.”

If this envelope contained what she thought, she couldn’t believe how generous he was being to her. He was really starting to spoil her and she couldn’t help but wonder who he was. He had told her that he still wanted stay anonymous. She didn’t know why, but she decided to respect his boundaries if he had a good reason to not reveal himself.

She opened the envelope and stared at the contents before she laughed her head off. “He’s such a dork!” she said, knowing that he likely didn’t mean to do that.

*****

Futakuchi felt his phone vibrate. He smiled when he saw that he got a text from Y/n.

Y/n: So what are your interests and hobbies? Besides texting me of course.

Futakuchi: They’re a secret. :P Are you still trying to find out who I am?

Y/n: Nope, just curious.

Futakuchi: Well, I’m not telling you. But what other things do you like?

Y/n: That’s hardly fair.

She decided to tell him her other interests anyway. She wished that their school didn’t have uniforms. She liked her own style: a mix of 80s and rocker. Futakuchi didn’t know what she meant by 80s style. She didn’t know if Japan had an equivalent style, so he ended up searching pictures for the fashion style during that decade. He laughed when he replied her.

Futakuchi: LOL! Their hair looks like Pantalon’s!

But it wasn’t until her reply that he realized that he let out a slip.

Y/n: Are you on the volleyball team?

Futakuchi panicked. He didn’t want her to know who he was. Now she was one step closer.

*****

A couple of months back, Futakuchi sighed as he walked back to his classroom. He had left his knee pads there the other day, so he had to get them before their morning practice had started. “I should apologize to Nametsu again,” he thought to himself. “I actually feel bad about giving her that bruise.”

When he arrived at the classroom, it was empty except for the one girl who had her head down at her desk. When he took a closer look, he saw that she was actually sleeping. He recalled Nametsu mentioning that Y/n had been helping her with make-up everyday. “She must have gotten here even earlier than us to do Nametsu’s makeup,” he thought.

He sighed, remembering that there was a time when he used to be like that.

In junior high, he had been best friends with a girl he had known for years. They had basically grown up together. He had liked her - a lot. She had decided to try to date him, but she had gotten overwhelmed with how much he would do for her. She had felt bad that she hadn’t been doing as much for him. He had told her that he didn’t care. But it had taken a toll on their relationship.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Kenji. You’re too serious,” she had told him.

It had hurt. So he had decided that he wouldn’t be so serious the next time he dated a girl. But as he looked at Y/n sleeping at her desk, he wondered if it would be different with her. “She works so hard for her friends,” he thought to himself. “Would she be the same for a boyfriend?”

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind, until he saw her posters. When he saw her number right in front of him, he decided to text her on a whim. He saw her smile at his ridiculous request. After she gave her sarcastic reply, he knew they’d get along. But as they texted, he didn’t notice that his feelings for Y/n had grown so much to the point where he was worried about her finding out who he was. Since he had given her money for her make-up supplies, he was especially worried that Y/n would feel burdened by it. At least he could still hide behind the anonymous label. Or so he thought.

Y/n: Thanks for the money!

Y/n: BTW, I know who you are now. You’re on the volleyball team.

Futakuchi started to panic. “She knows it’s me?” He started to worry about what her opinion was of him. But then she next text gave him a different dilemma.

Y/n: I’ve been helping you too. :)

He was confused because she hadn’t been helping him with anything. They barely even talked in person. But during their next volleyball practice, he saw that she was a lot closer with Koganegawa.

“Thanks so much for helping me Y/n-senpai!’ said Koganegawa.

"You’re welcome,” she replied with a smile. “I was happy to help.” Koganegawa was moved to tears from how grateful he was and gave her a hug.

Futakuchi found himself stepping between the two of them and pushing them apart. “Futakuchi?” asked Y/n, confused. “What’s wrong?”

For Futakuchi, this whole thing was wrong. She had been helping the wrong person this whole time. He knew he could set it right if he just revealed himself to her. He started to grow frustrated at this situation. He had to decide. Was better to stay behind an unknown phone number and to be mistaken for Koganegawa? Or should he reveal himself to her at the risk of Y/n potentially being put off by him?

Futakuchi told her.

Y/n blinked a few times and had to do a double take. “I think you were supposed to say something else first?”

That was when that he actually confessed to her instead. “I like you.” He wasn’t supposed to say that. But his thoughts were such a mess that he ended up confessing to her instead.

Y/n just giggled at him. “Well, I already knew it was you who was texting me. I was just waiting to see if you’d tell me yourself.”

Futakuchi blushed, not knowing if it was from the embarrassment of accidentally confessing or from how cute her laugh was. “But didn’t you say that you were helping me?” he asked.

“I have been,” she replied. “I’ve been helping Koganegawa with setting practice. Didn’t you say you were having a hard time teaching him?”

Futakuchi couldn’t believe that he had misunderstood the whole thing. Koganegawa started to excitedly ramble about how much his practices with Y/n had helped. She had scolded him every time his sets were too high, knowing that Futakuchi wasn’t good with those ones. He was shocked that she had done all of that for him.

With determination, Futakuchi suddenly grabbed her wrists and told her, “Go out with me.” He stared at her eyes intently, waiting for her answer.

“I think you’re supposed to ask,” she teased.

Futakuchi smirked at her. “Fine,” he complied. “Could you be my girlfriend?”

“Maybe,” she said as she started to walk away. But Futakuchi didn’t let her get away and hugged her from behind. “Okay,” she said with a smirk as she turned around to hug his waist.

“Hold on a moment,” said Futakuchi. “How did you know it was me?”

“Pro tip: use cash instead of a check if you want to stay anonymous.”

*****

Extras

The Dateko volleyball club was very confused at the whole scene because they never saw the two interact before. Nametsu knew they were texting each other but didn’t think they’d like each other.

Nametsu didn’t approve of Futakuchi at first until she saw how serious he was about her.

He offered to take her to any movie she wanted. Y/n just wanted to watch Jurassic Park all the time to the point where he got sick of it.

@rynn-lee was actually a setter, but because she didn’t put it in the request, I was vague about how Y/n helped Koganegawa. 😊

I hope you liked it. This story ended up being so meta with me answering my request with a story about Y/n answering her request. 😅 It was actually unintentional.

Check out my other stories. I have a completed long fic and some other short stories too. 😊

Matchup tag list: @nagichi-deku, @nxlx96 (let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list) And tagging @haikoo because you usually like these stories.

[bookburnt]

RULES

DON’T INTERACT IF:

You endorse any form of bigotry, including but not limited to racism, colorism, antisemitism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, biphobia, lesbophobia, aphobia, etc.

You actively write topics such as sexual violence, including incest and statutory rape.  (If these topics are part of your character’s backstory but not actively written, I will be selective in following back, and I will expect you to properly tag all mentions of these topics.)

You are 16 or under.  (If you are under 18, please understand that I will be much more selective in interacting with you, and please block my “n.s.f.w. text ///” tag.)

Content:

TRIGGER WARNINGS:  Content on this blog, both text and images, will deal frequently with canon-typical horror. I will do my best to tag any common triggers, and will tag less-common triggers on request, but if you’re uncomfortable or unsafe with the horror-tragedy themes of The Magnus Archives, you may be better off not following this blog.  No hard feelings.

Again, I do my best to tag triggers where appropriate.  If there’s anything I’ve missed or anything you need me to tag for you, please tell me about it and I will make it happen.  I tag in the format “[trigger] ///”.

I tag instances of the word “queer” as “q word ///”.  I will not tag it as “q slur,” and I ask that you don’t ask me to do so.  I understand and respect that seeing this word without warning is harmful to some people.  I ask others to understand and respect that me calling my own identity and my own community nothing but a “slur” would be harmful to me.  Different people have different needs, but coexistence is possible.  In any case, I don’t expect this to come up terribly often.

Mun and muse are both 18+, but there will be no smut on this blog.  (I am simply not comfortable with using this platform for those purposes.)

There may, however, be occasional discussions or mentions of sexual topics, which will be tagged as “n.s.f.w. text ///”.  I apologize for the inconvenience, but I’m not trying to get picked up by the censorbot.

This blog is not spoiler-free.  I will tag any plot points of recent episodes (for up to a week) referenced in my posts as “tma spoilers ///,” but there may also be spoilers for some in my about page and my verses page.  Please proceed with caution if you don’t wish to be spoiled.

Interactions:

This blog is mutuals only, with the exception of OOC memes.  I don’t at all intend to intimidate or exclude, but having my interactions open to anyone in the past put me in some pretty uncool places.  Thank you for respecting this boundary.

If you follow me first, please give me at least a week to check out your blog and decide if I want to follow back before you assume that I don’t want to be mutuals.  (I know this sounds like a long time, but I’m most often on mobile and don’t like to follow anyone if I haven’t had a chance to read their pages first.)

If we’re mutuals and you decide you’d like not to be mutuals with me anymore, that’s completely fine, but please give me a courtesy soft-block so I’m not confused.  (Follower count and mutual checker have… not been reliable for me.)

All that being said, if I am following your rp blog, it’s because I want to interact with you!  I love writing and talking to people, and I’m genuinely interested in everyone I choose to put on my dash.  If we’re mutuals, feel free to hit me up anytime!

My open starters are open to all my mutuals - yes, even if someone else has already replied.  I like to see all the different possibilities of where a thread can go from a single starter, and my open starters are written to be as, well, open as possible.

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Please don’t reblog rp threads you’re not in.  It’s fine if you like them, but reblogging them gets confusing for me and my partners.

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If you send in an IC ask meme and I answer it, you’re more than welcome to turn it into a thread if you so desire.  These days I usually answer asks by copy-pasting and @ing the sender in a new post, so if that's the case, you don't have to worry about starting a new post to make it a thread.

Formatting:

I use full-sized text in my rp posts, and occasionally single-small text for OOC purposes.  Smaller text is difficult for me to visually process, and there’s only so much that I can zoom in on my tumblr dash before it all goes to hell.  If you personally use smaller text, that’s fine, but I may make it larger when I reply to it.  This is a matter of accessibility.

I do not consider fcs or icons to be obligatory. As of the time of my most recent edit to these rules (april 19, 2020), I do not even have an official faceclaim for Gerry.  If you prefer to use icons in your writing, that is fine, but I will not be doing the same.

The Mun:

You can call me Swid.  I’m white, over 21 years old, go by they/them/theirs pronouns, and am in a committed monogamous relationship.

Thank you for reading!

[x0401x]

Okay already.

Y’all are really damn eager for it, so here you have it: the infamous List of Erased Gay, AKA a glimpse of how we could be having it all if KyoAni weren’t doing us so dirty this year, Tsurune edition. The Violet Evergarden edition seems to have left a big impression, so maybe this listing will become a thing.

Then again, along with the canon gay that we lost, we gained a lot of anime-only shippy service that is not only weirdly fixated on Minato alone but also ruins the nature of many characters. KyoAni has been outright baffling this year in how little it understands the novels that it has been adapting, and even more in how proficient it has become in destroying the main relationships of each title. All in all, the personalities and purposes of the main characters have been severely altered, and there has been a disturbing trend (not only in Tsurune, but also in Violet Evergarden and Liz to Aoi Tori) of making the protagonists obsess with someone who apparently does only the minimum for them and being lukewarm with the people that seemingly care more for their wellbeing.

That’s not what any of these novels are about.

But since this post is centered on Tsurune, I’ll only talk about how the aforementioned major flaws apply to it. That boils down to KyoAni erasing most of what Masaki did for Minato and about 85% of the scenes they had together, replacing it with additional scenes without much purpose involving other characters. For whatever incomprehensible reason, KyoAni is hellbent on enhancing Minato’s relationship with everyone except the person he has the strongest bond with in the books, and a lot of you guys seemed to notice this. So, in order to address the cringeworthy disaster that the Tsurune anime has become, I’m naming this one as the List of Erased and Misplaced Gay.

Had to put it under a cut because of how long it got. While we’re at it, please consider reading the novel translations.

I gotta apologize to the Anons for stalling so much with this post. It took me a while to write it down since I had to skim the novel to take notes. By the way, to the people who haven’t finished the anime or don’t plan to read the novel: none of what’s cited here are things that will happen; they’re things that already happened in the canon timeline and didn’t make it into the screen. I’ve put them under a cut because it’s too much stuff. It feels like I just wrote a fanfiction but this is actually how canon goes.

I’m going to sort out the list by character relationship, from the mildest to the most blatant (y’all know which one it is).

Noa and Rika

Noa’s anime counterpart seems pretty meager, but her canon self is far more active, and if her saying “there’s no one in this world greater than Seo” isn’t an indication that she ain’t as straight as her arrows, then maybe her shouting at Nanao to “shut up and go burn in the fires of hell” after his advances might be an indication of it. Telling him that he “should be quiet because Seo’s feelings matter” when he flirts with her might also be one. Or not. Sadly, there’s not enough material in this aspect for the girls in the first volume.

Ryouhei and Nanao

These two are the straightest characters out of the group, but their interactions are always full of implications regarding the other club members. The two of them are often used as a means to translate the exchanges between the boys in a way that sounds suggestive as hell, and Nanao is oddly smug about it, which really doesn’t help.

Here’s a compilation of these dialogues, for convenience’s sake:

Nanao: Seiya doesn’t seem like himself today. Ryouhei: Minato probably turned him down. I already got rejected too. Nanao: I understand he wants everyone to join the the tournament, but aren’t those two too stubborn? That Minato guy is such a calamity, being popular with both boys and girls. I’m only popular with girls on that point.

(Try to convince me that Minato isn’t bi after this one. You shall not succeed.)

Kaito: You guys, don’t just stand there and chat; practice! Nanao: Geez, Kacchan, don’t take your anger out on us just because Seiya left. Kaito: Hah? What’re you saying? Nanao: Don’t you watch Seiya a lot? Kaito: Of course. Archery is about practicing while watching each other’s shooting forms.

Nanao: Kacchan, you really suck at endgames. Kaito: Shut up. I got what I needed, so it’s fine.

Kaito: I don’t wanna do team competitions with half-hearted feelings. Didn’t it seem like that guy had been practicing secretly? And I can’t understand the fact that he knows Masa-san. Since when have they known each other? Nanao: Aren’t you Masa-san’s favorite among his acquaintances? Minato’s a genuine bow geek, so I think he’ll unexpectedly be on the same wavelength as you, Kacchan. Kaito: We’re definitely not the same! And anyways, I don’t like that guy. There’s nothing decent about guys with nice faces, including you.

Seiya and Masaki

This one is in the misplaced gay list. In this case, implying Seiya’s non-existent co-dependency towards Minato. In the novel, Seiya isn’t jealous of Masaki and Minato’s relationship. He’s polite with Masaki all the way and starts calling him “Masa-san” from day one. Seiya also never says that he hates Masaki. Because he doesn’t.

Kaito and Masaki

Another example of misplaced gay. Kaito is very obedient around Masaki and obviously stans him as a good example of successful archer, but not in the exaggerated way that the anime tries to sell. In fact, it feels like the anime tries to get him to Minato’s level of fanboying, but although the two of them are equal when it comes to fawning over archery, they have a different vibe when it comes to Masaki. That’s probably because Minato is much closer to Masaki than Kaito is, and Kaito canonically sees Masaki as the brother he never had, while it’s unclear what exactly Minato sees Masaki as in his life.

For starters, Kaito never tried to keep Masaki for himself. He is jealous of Minato for also knowing Masaki and apparently monopolizing him, and he’s mad as hell that Masaki decided to start teaching archery because of Minato, but he never tried to keep Masaki’s existence itself a secret. The only one who did that was Minato. Kaito never refrained from talking to Nanao about Masaki at all. He also talked to Masaki about Nanao, enough for Masaki to be able to recognize Nanao at first sight.

Masaki jokes around Kaito like he does with everyone else, but Kaito responds to it right away with threats that he doesn’t really mean. Whenever Masaki dares him to actually do it, he meekly recoils. They’re found family through and through.

Daigo and Hiroki

The anime has been doing a piss-poor job at showcasing this ridiculously married duo. There isn’t much about them in the first volume, to be fair, but the little we had was enough to deliver that they’re old friends who complete each other. Hiroki is also the only person who listens to Daigo nerding out embarrassedly about idols without judging him, and the two of them are considered “special goods” of Kirisaki for being so inseparable and well-balanced.

Shuu, Sen and Man

These three aren’t nearly as close in the anime as in the original work. The twins absolutely love Shuu and admit to worshipping him. They’re clearly very jealous of Minato for holding Shuu’s attention, and physically attempt to drag Shuu away from him when they’re talking to each other. They’re also openly aggressive with Minato more than to any other team member of Kazemai.

In Kirisaki, their interactions are also different. The twins normally follow Shuu around and monopolize him, which he doesn’t seem to mind. The author describes Shuu sandwiched on both sides by the twins as “charming in some aspects”.

Shuu gives advice to them when asked, which the twins do often, not only because his shooting is their ideal, but also because they find his explanations easier than the teacher’s. He also defends the twins from the more hot-headed senpais when they’re called out for their rudeness.

Also, the twins’ admiration for Shuu isn’t equal. Senichi is way more serious about it than Manji is. The way this trio is depicted, it feels like Senichi is Shuu’s arranged fiancé who happens to be madly in love with him and has to deal with Shuu being in love with someone else.

Delicious.

Kaito and Minato

The anime keeps trying hella hard to maintain that Kaito and Minato have some sort of hero crush on Masaki and that this is the main connection between the two of them, but the novel begs to differ. It also keeps trying to pretend that Minato is the kind of spineless idiot who would act like Kaito is right in trying not to let him into the club because of his target panic, and who would attempt to gain Kaito’s friendship by catering to his unfair treatment. The novel also begs to differ.

Minato is a serious and assertive character. He acknowledges that he’s in bad condition and tries his best to prove his resolve, but only within realistic standards. He tells Kaito right to his face that entering the club is his own decision and warns that Kaito should back off from speaking on Seiya’s behalf, arguing that Seiya would be displeased with it. He also lectures Kaito on being a little shit to everyone, especially to Nanao, simply because he’s insecure.

After Minato joins, Kaito immediately bares his fangs at him. Albeit not putting up with his shit, Minato asks what he could do to be acknowledged as a comrade because you sort of need camaraderie in a team, and Kaito spits out that such a day would never come.

Kaito is outright displeased having to work together with Minato as kaizoe. Minato also isn’t in high spirits. The two of them comically have the same reaction when finding out they’d have to do it.

Minato decides to strike a conversation after the yawatashi, when he and Kaito are getting changed, mainly because he had noticed that Seiya and Kaito’s relationship wasn’t going well because of him. Kaito barks at Minato that there’s no honor in working with him, and Minato reasons that they should reach a mutual understanding, since they’d be in a team competition. Kaito retorts that he didn’t even want to be in them, but he had to after Minato joined. It only becomes clearer that Minato is ruining Kaito’s prospects one by one.

Despite all the clashing, Minato notices that Kaito’s passion for archery is genuine. Still, there’s a lot of misplaced gay in the anime during the training camp. Minato doesn’t desperately try to win Kaito’s favor, isn’t saved by Kaito from falling into the river, and doesn’t ogle at Kaito’s back when he shoots as the oomae for the first time.

Kaito finally shows a slight sign of warming up to Minato by thanking him for saving Nanao’s hat, which had been a present from him and his sisters. This is destroyed by him finding out that Minato and Seiya had attended Kirisaki for middle school.

After the whole accident with Masaki, Kaito assures Minato that it wasn’t his fault, and then he emphasizes it the next day, saying that Minato wasn’t worth being saved by Masaki if he was still twitching with guilt.

When Minato gets a ganglion on his hand, he tries to hide it from everyone, but Kaito notices something wrong. He forces Minato to have it examined by Tomio. And after Seiya performs first-aid on Minato, the following dialogue goes on:

“Shit, you’re seriously so…” “Sorry that this happened right before an important competition… It was because I was careless that I got hurt.” “Aah, you’re so freaking annoying. It doesn’t look like you get why I’m pissed off.” “You’re angry because I messed up?” “Wrong! This is why I said I wanted to focus on only the individual competitions. You tried to hide that injury from us earlier. You think you can compete in a team like that? In the end, you just don’t acknowledge us. All you do is keep secrets!” “I just didn’t want to worry everyone! What, don’t you have a secret too, Onogi!? You said you want to focus on the individual competitions, even though you actually couldn’t help but want to be in team competitions!” “Wha--no way that’d be true!” “I heard it from Nanao!”

Kaito almost gets back at Nanao for opening his mouth, but Minato put himself nose-to-nose in front of Kaito. This is one more example of closure that the anime doesn’t show.

“Onogi, didn’t you say that I was using target panic as an excuse to run away from archery? But aren’t you running away too? You run, run, and you’re still running away even now.” “What do you say that I’m running away from?” “From your ‘comrades’.” “What the hell are you talking about…” “You’re scared of making comrades. You’re scared that your thoughts and desires won’t be followed by other people. Even though you really longed for it, you didn’t want to disappoint others or yourself, so you decided to seal away that wish and not look at it. You’re the weakest kind of archer with that cowardice of yours.” “What did you saaaaaaaay——?!!”

This is how we get to the fight right before their face-off against Kirisaki, which was showed in the anime, but in a wholly different way. The fight itself is different as well. Kaito grabs Minato by the lapels of his gi, but Minato steps forward without any hesitation, unlike in the anime, where he seemed pretty terrified and just stood in place like a rock.

“Kaito.” “Don’t call me Kaito!” “Then, Kacchan.” “That’s even worse!” “Kaito, call me by my name. Call me Minato. Then we’ll be comrades.” “Haaa!?” “Besides, in the Kazemai High School Archery Club’s male division, everyone is calling each other by their first names, but we’re the only ones calling each other by our last names. It’s embarrassing to feel special, right?” “There’s no special feeling——! It’s normal, average. You’re such an airhead.” “When I learned that you wanted to be in a team competition, Kaito, I was really happy. I felt the same way.” “So what?” “Tommy-sensei didn’t make me the ochi for the evetuality of my target panic starting up. It was to make me feel like I had four comrades in front of my eyes. So, Kaito, you must feel the four of us at your back, right? You aren’t alone. I’ll protect the end of the line so that everyone can follow behind you. I’ll go with you to the very top.” “You were just babbling on. I’m gonna trample you.” “Why would you trample me? We’re going together.”

Yes, they didn’t get to this point by Kaito being hysterical about following Masaki’s teachings or by Minato telling everyone to forget them, because that’s just fucking dumb. If teachings weren’t necessary, there would be no need for taking classes in the first place.

It’s only here that Tomio hands them the headbands. They all put them on and Minato doesn’t need a pep talk from Seiya in order to tie his own. Kaito then finally calls Minato (and only Minato, as he’d already been on a first-name basis with Seiya since the beginning) by his first name for the first time.

Kaito and Seiya

To quote myself from an earlier post:

One of the things I noticed is that not just their relationship but their personalities are different in the anime, and this in turn affects the rest. What I find so good about them is the irony that Seiya is a dog person who acts cat-like and Kaito is a cat person who acts dog-like and you can feel this shit in their exchanges.

There are many details to this relationship that could be considered gems. When Kaito meets Seiya and Minato at Kazemai, he recognizes Seiya right away from their tournament in middle school, but not Minato. As I said before, the two of them refer to themselves by their first names off the bat and Kaito is quick to try to get Seiya into individual competitions with him. He insists that the two of them can “aim for the top together”, and gets extremely frustrated when Seiya refuses. He’s also pretty offended when Seiya claims that Minato is above him when it comes to natural ability.

The day after Seiya and Minato fight in the rain, Seiya catches a cold and is overall very distracted, enough to mistake Kaito’s bow for his own and use it instead. Kaito asks him how he managed the feat because one would normally be able to tell the difference, to which Seiya responds that he “did think it felt sort of tougher”.

I will not turn this into innuendo. I shan’t.

Kaito then notices Seiya looks red and places a hand on his forehead, confirming that he has a fever, like any good shoujo protagonist would do with the heroine. And this is where the author begins to hint that Kaito treats Seiya differently from the other club members. Kaito is overall gentler with him for no given motive. Even though he’s the type to care for everyone, he normally scolds those he looks after and makes clear that they should be able to look after themselves, but he doesn’t do this with Seiya at all. And the best of it is that Seiya responds to his awkward kindness.

When he realizes that Seiya is sick, the first thing he does is tell him that he should take a break because he’s busy with other matters aside from club activities and Seiya brushes him off, but then closes his eyes and says that Kaito’s cold hand feels good against his hot face and goddamn. What a low sweep. Goddamn.

Basically, all Kaito can do is frown and he doesn’t manage to come up with much of a response. By the time Seiya leaves, Kaito is still staring at him, and he gets visibly annoyed when Seiya isn’t there anymore. Again, for no given reason.

Kaito confronts Minato two days later about joining the club, acting as Seiya’s spokesperson on his own accord and telling Minato that he shouldn’t upset Seiya or raise his hopes fruitlessly. He gets angry when Minato argues that Seiya wouldn’t forgive him for butting into their affairs, and maintains that Seiya would be going to the individual competitions with him, not to the team competitions.

Right before the training camp, when Kaito and Seiya are cleaning up the targets together, Kaito finally confronts Seiya about his stance regarding Minato. He calls Seiya out for being like an overprotective father around Minato, and makes observations that even Seiya himself admits to be right:

“About your good point of nicely taking care of everyone, it seems that it’s because you’re following the rules. Like, you go forward at the green light and stop at the red light ‘cause you were taught to do so. Still, you’re different around Narumiya. You do with him what you really wanna do. But I’m not saying that you’re black-hearted. Your good quality is fairness ‘cause you have enough brains and ability to take action to properly make use of what you’ve learned. Many people are relying on you. Your guiding principles were misled ‘cause you, the club president, got too engrossed with one person. I mean, you shouldn’t have forced everyone to go for team competitions this time.”

Seiya is predictably displeased that Kaito hit bull’s-eye, and tells him that he should be focusing more into practice if he has time to be observing him. And sure, I get that he would want to tell Kaito to hop off his shit because this little fucker has a lot of secrets............ but he certainly didn’t have to hold Kaito’s hand while doing it. And he most certainly didn’t have to hold it so tight that the arrow on Kaito’s hand creaked a little.

Kaito says to Seiya’s face that a lot of what he spouts sounds fishy, and Seiya changes the subject by claiming that all he wants is for Minato to draw the bow like he used to once again. Kaito can tell that there’s more to his motives than this, but as Seiya leaves as fast as he can, he’s unable to ask. The arrow that remained on his hand was Seiya’s, and the emphasis on the fact that it was a wornout one probably stems from the long-standing burdens that Seiya has been carrying.

Yeah, this debunkes the anime’s stupid excuse that Seiya is in the archery club because of Minato. He’s depicted in the novel as being his own person and having his own will, so he does have a mind outside of Minato. Even if Minato had never joined the club, Seiya would have stayed in it.

Anyway, fast forward to the day before the training camp, Kaito confronts Seiya about not signing up for the individuals. Seiya ignores him, which pisses him off.

Once Kaito finds out that Seiya and Minato went to Kirisaki in middle school, he bitches to Seiya about keeping it a secret. Seiya argues that he hadn’t told anyone because he didn’t want everybody digging up on them and retorts that Kaito could have simply looked them up if he’d really wanted to know, but after Kaio leaves, Seiya admits that he should have properly talked about it when Kaito had asked. He resigns to the fact that finding out about it way after people of other clubs probably made Kaito feel awful and says he has no right to be the club president. Yet he’s cheered up by Ryouhei and decides to discuss the subject properly with Kaito when he gets a chance.

Kaito is so thrown-off by the fresh frustrations that he loses the improvement he had acquired during the training camp on the spot (no, he didn’t fail because of a stupid obsession with making his bow turn, KyoAni). He actually made it through the first round, but fell short in the second, together with Nanao (yes, he participated), Yuuna and Noa (yes, the girls didn’t fuck up right from the get-go and none of them had zero hits).

Kaito continues acting off during club activities and gets into an argument with the girls and Minato, but he’s immediately shut down by Seiya because this bitch weak.

Later on, in order to help the boys enhance their teamwork and to distract them from the stress of having to face Kirisaki, Tomio bought them sports fishing passes and sent them to a fishing spot. Since fishing alone was forbidden, the five boys split into two groups. Ryouhei and Nanao went with Minato, leaving Kaito to work together with Seiya, who had brought Kuma along. The two of them caught river bugs to serve as bait together and sat at opposite sides of the shore.

I think it’s worth mentioning that Kaito was being his usual sharp self with the others, but with Seiya, he acted completely tame. There wasn’t any trace of his frustration in his attitude.

Seiya went back to Kaito after having caught one salmon, and found that Kaito’s fishing line had become entangled on a tree. After Seiya sent a picture of what he had gotten to Minato and the others, he and Kaito sat down...... really close together under a shaded area. Seiya took a tomato curry bread out of his backpack and shared half of it with Kaito, and after they were done, they chatted idly, with Seiya commenting that Kuma seemed to be showing respect for Kaito. Kaito then stroked him and Kuma sat down next to Kaito as if to nestle close to him.

Once Kaito gets the Kuma Seal of Approval, he and Seiya have the following conversation:

“About the whole deal with Kirisaki’s Shuu, it was wrong of me to keep it all a secret; I’m sorry. I’ll discuss things properly from now on.” “Ah, no, you don’t have to talk about it. There’s nothing you have to apologize for. You had something you didn’t want anyone else to know about, and it was wrong of me to get curious over it. Even if I knew, it doesn’t really mean I could be of help to you guys, either.” “That’s not true. I’m counting on you, Kacchan.” “You…even though I was talking seriously… Can I punch you?” “Well, the competition is over, after all. I think Tommy-sensei gave us this mission not to acquire stamina and patience through fishing, but to make us step away from the bow once in a while and relax. Minato seems to be conscious of Shuu and getting flustered by him too.” “Rather than him, I’m a little worried about you.” “Me? Why?” “Aren’t you fretting over Narumiya’s target panic more than he is? Other than that, how can I put it? Uh… Anyways, you’re also a disappointment.” “I don’t quite get it, but well, I’m thankful that you’re worried about me.” “You’re nice to everyone, and yet you act sassy with me.”

Kaito had actually wanted to ask Seiya if he felt some sort of guilt regarding Minato, but the question was too insensitive even for him. He also acknowledged that he might not be able to find the right words to reply with if Seiya said yes, and didn’t want to seem like he was criticizing Seiya for it. So, instead, he goes with this:

“Seiya, when I first saw you at the information session, I thought that you were a guy who was well-composed and really good at archery. I’d been watching you for a while, and I thought maybe you were similar to me in some way. You have passion, some kind of conviction, don’t you? I want to respect it. I respect you for working hard to earn a calm and collected self.” “You praising me feels unpleasant. Should I say that you should go practice if you have the time to observe me?” “I want to win the prefectural tournament - with all five of us.” “Yeah… that’s right.”

The author then describes the maple trees overhead, and just to put it out there, maple stands for reserve, which might be an allusion to Kaito holding back from digging further into the matter (even though he was right, like he always is about Seiya). They also mean strength and endurance, and that matches Kaito’s comments on Seiya.

A few days later, during a softball tournament of their school, Minato and Seiya’s class was playing against Kaito’s. Seiya teases Kaito when they spot each other about how the soccer field is somewhere else, since Kaito was being recurrently summoned to be part of the soccer team by the school’s soccer club at the beginning of the semester, to which Kaito responds with, “Seiyaaa, not you too”.

When the game begins, Kaito is the first batter and Seiya is the baseman. Kaito gets a hit in the second try, and gives Seiya a “how’s that” look when passing him by.

On the first day of club activities after Masaki was hospitalized, Kaito was the one to announce that everyone should continue practice like normal in order not to waste what they’d been taught. Before doing so, he gazes at Seiya for a brief moment as if to ask for permission to speak on his behalf.

After Kazemai’s tiebreaking match with Kubo high school, while everyone was having lunch, Seiya and Kaito were checking the competition’s program and discussing the formalities for the exiting of the next round, which would be slightly different from the others.

At the tournament, when Seiya diagnoses and treats Minato’s ganglion, Kaito is visibly impressed by the fact he carries first-aid items around with him, and Seiya merely responds that he shouldn’t underestimate a son of orthopedic surgeons who used to play with medical tape instead of building blocks.

Keep on roasting him with care, you four-eyed witch.

In other words, Seiya and Kaito interact a lot. Onogi “hands off my man” Kaito is often on the role of looking out for Seiya, who in turn looks out for everyone. Just like Masaki with Minato, Kaito is always spot-on about Seiya and gets really damn close to finding out his heaviest secret, and prods into Seiya’s business enough to shake even a careful planner like him. Meanwhile, Seiya is sharp as a knife with him, but recognizes he shouldn’t be, and resorts to sassing Kaito when he gets too sappy. He also acts somewhat tsun when Kaito is too gentle, and not-so-subtly starts hanging around Kaito most of the time after he starts acting like a normal best friend to Minato once again.

Seiya and Minato

It all obviously starts right on the first part of the first chapter, because Ayano Kotoko wastes no time. When Minato and Seiya meet during the morning of their high school entrance ceremony, Minato hinted that he might have been getting sick, and Seiya teases him about it. Then he says that if this did end up happening, he would offer to “faithfully nurse” Minato in the special hospital room of his parents’ clinic, to which Minato retorts that he would turn Seiya down because “who knows what you’d do”. Seiya claims he wouldn’t do anything, but the feigned innocence is so evident here that you don’t even have to guess what kind of face he’s making.

When Minato, Seiya and Ryouhei are approached by Tomio, Seiya bluffs that he knows Minato is “carrying his treasure around” and smirks when he falls for it. After Minato fails magnificently at the demonstration shooting and scurries to leave, Seiya says he’d be waiting for him to join the club, holding Minato’s place in the boys’ team for as long as it was necessary.

When Minato comes back home late in his third night visiting Yata no Mori, he finds Seiya waiting for him in front of his house. Seiya already knew that Minato had sneaked out somewhere the previous night, and as he questions Minato about it, he finds one of Fuu’s feathers on his hair. Minato does nothing but give roundabout answers, and then straight-up lies that he was just wandering around on his bike, which Seiya is far from believing but lets slide. This whole moment sort of feels like a father questioning his teenage daughter about sneaking out of home to see her boyfriend.

Seiya then confronts Minato about joining the club, competitions and target panic. He reveals that he doesn’t feel their loss in middle school was only Minato’s fault, since he got caught up with the whole situation and lost control of himself as well. Minato happens to hate this whole talk, and ends up saying he doesn’t want to do archery with Seiya, which isn’t true. He simply doesn’t want to keep causing trouble, but doesn’t know how to convey it. Although Seiya does understand what Minato means, he’s still hurt by his words because Minato being able to rely on him is his anchor. He then responds in the way he always does when he’s upset.

By being a stone-cold bitch.

The anime is trying to paint Seiya as meek and passive, but he’s an icy little fucker when his mood swings for the worse. He stares at Minato as if looking down on him, and this is when he throws the “Actually, would you be able to endure it if I did blame you? Or not? It’s easy to make you cry.” bomb on Minato’s lap. And instead of leaving it as that like he did in the anime, Minato grabs Seiya by the collar and pushes him to the ground, then Seiya pushes him onto a tree.

The following day at school, Minato found himself looking for Seiya during his absence, even though he had been avoiding him before they fought. A day later, Minato leaves a box of Pucky in Seiya’s mailbox as a sign of apology. No, he doesn’t write that he would be waiting for Seiya. He didn’t have to, since novel!Seiya never once doubted his love for archery. What he did was draw a dog on the box, which is something that Seiya used to do to display an intent of reconciliation. Seiya also leaves a box of (premium) Pucky for him as reply.

The next morning, Minato contacts Seiya, who welcomes him to the archery club, and he almost tears up at it.

Misplaced gay ensues in a non-canon scene of the five boys bathing together at the training camp. Nanao’s comment about Seiya’s “love” for Minato never happened in the novel. Seiya also wasn’t around when Minato retrieved Nanao’s hat from the river, so he wasn’t even there to help, although he was worried when he saw Minato coming back all soaked.

During the softball game, Seiya yet again shows exaggerated worry as the pitcher aims at Minato’s left flank. He attempts to get someone else to be the batter even though Minato had dodged the ball and was unharmed.

Even as the game ends, Seiya asks if Minato hadn’t been grazed even a little, and despite being reassured that he hadn’t, Seiya asks if Minato had been going to his yearly check-ups. When Minato answers that he hadn’t, as already four years had passed since the accident, Seiya yells that he shouldn’t neglet his check-ups because his wound still throbs from time to time, loud enough for Minato to flinch. Seiya then comes up with suggestions to motivate Minato to go, like asking his parents to drive Minato there (no, he doesn’t do check-ups with Seiya’s father) or offering to tag along in case Minato feels bored while waiting. Minato feels extremely uncomfortable and declines it all, asking Seiya why he worries so much. Seiya responds that he has the “responsibility to worry for Minato’s health”, and Minato jokes that he sounds like he feels guilty for something. Seiya says nothing back, and when Minato prods for an answer, he replies that it’s part of his responsibility as club president. That isn’t the whole truth and Minato can tell as much. In fact, he had only joked because he had been hoping to hear Seiya ask back “what are you even talking about”.

Minato had felt for a while that Seiya seemed to wish for his improvement at archery even more than his own, as if he were trying to compensate for something. He recognizes that some aspects of Seiya’s worry are unnatural and can’t be explained with the word “meddling”. As Seiya’s sense of guilt became gradually clearer, Minato grew scared.

At this point, in the anime, all of this was replaced with flashbacks from Minato and Seiya’s childhood that never happened in the novel, like the day Minato’s family went to greet Seiya’s, their multiple discussions about entering the archery club when they become middle scholars, Minato saying that he asked Saionji to include Seiya in their class but was denied (yes, he kept it a secret even from Seiya in canon), Minato introducing Seiya to Shuu, Minato saying he didn’t want to do archery anymore after he got hit, and Seiya convincing him to do it.

The next day, when Minato and Seiya come home from school, Minato asks to talk and the two of them go under a nearby tree. He starts off reporting that he booked a check-up, and announces that what he has to discuss is serious talk and that he was bracing himself for it and that he wanted Seiya to answer without teasing him. Seiya asks if he has to talk about it right away, and Minato says that things might end up just like the last tournament of middle school if he doesn’t. Basically, his built-up anxiety over their unresolved matter might cause his target panic to act up again. It’s finally then that Minato asks Seiya why he didn’t go to Kirisaki even though his parents could pay for it and why he kept trying so hard to get Minato back into archery.

This entire conversation was replaced in the anime with the scene of them on the street, and although some things are similar, most of it is wholly different:

“I swore that I would protect you on behalf of your mother. Creating an environment where you can draw a bow is my duty.” “Could it be that you spoke with Mom at the hospital she was transported to? Did you make that promise there?” “No. It was my fault that your mother died. That you suffered a wound that won’t disappear for the rest of your life.” “What are you talking about? That was an accident. An accident where a runaway vehicle ran over people walking on the sidewalk. The police took this conclusion too, and there were lots of witnesses so there was no doubt about it. Why are you saying something like that? Didn’t you just happen to be at the scene by chance?” “Don’t you remember? On that day, you were walking with your mother. I stopped you two to talk on that road. I said goodbye and left, heading in the opposite direction. And then, an awfully fast car passed by me… If I had turned around, if I had turned around… ‘If’…It’s all suppositions now. If, at that time, I hadn’t stopped you, the two of you would have passed that place sooner, and then you wouldn’t have been involved in the accident. I was the one who injured you and snatched your mother away from you. So I swore that I’d fully atone for the sin of hurting you. I will protect you…”

It’s kind of impossible to tell that Seiya sounds exactly like a mom at this point, just like in everything he does for Minato. Minato resents not realizing that Seiya had burdened himself with something so heavy and had been in pain ever since the accident which I think says a lot about the fact that Kaito noticed something was wrong with Seiya in the way he acted around Minato and in the things he would say from the very beginning. Minato feels like the problems resolving around his target panic are dust next to what Seiya was dealing with and that he wants to accept Seiya’s troubles. Seiya had always been protecting him, and now he thinks he wants to protect Seiya in return.

Yeah, he never really said that he had managed to get back into archery because Seiya waited for him, or that it was his turn to wait for Seiya. That’s misplaced gay, and unsurprisingly, it’s watered-down. Their exchange in the novel is actually pretty calm in spite of all the tension that had built up until then:

“I’ve always thought that you were smart, Seiya, but you’re actually surprisingly dumb.” “Huh?” “Am I wrong? It was you who kept me on the earth. Because you stopped us at that time, I only got injured. I’m here thanks to you. Thank you, Seiya. I think I really am a lucky guy.” “Minato… I’m a sneaky person. Maybe I said all that because I knew that you would forgive me, y’know?” “Uh-huh, that’s fine. Even if you become a vicious criminal who shakes up the world, or even if you get a contagious disease without cure that leads to death, I don’t plan on ever stopping to be your friend. Even if it’s at a prison at the farthest ends of the north, even if it’s at an isolation ward, I’ll go see you.” “What’s with all that…? Were you planning on putting up a cool façade by saying all that?” “Of course.”

Seiya then smiles and places his head on Minato’s shoulder without any lame excuses, while Minato thinks about how Seiya can lean on him sometimes, for he won’t collapse. About how he wanted to stand firm on the ground, not too stiffly or too limply, but flexibly. And then Seiya throws in the golden line that the anime shouldn’t have cut out, because doing so ruined his character and painted his obsession as something positive and justified:

“Minato, I just want you to believe this. I love archery too. I’m not drawing the bow for someone else’s sake, but because I love it.”

Catch me stanning this eternal friendship until I die. Yeah, that’s as far as the “gay” goes for them. Of course, they’re still shown together in as many scenes as possible, but the ambiguousness is no longer present as soon as Seiya stops treating Minato like his own child and actually gives him the space any normal friend would. Literally everything that happened in the anime between them beyond this point (and I do mean everything, even just their conversations) is KyoAni’s original content.

Long live these unapologetically healthy best friends. Fuck KyoAni’s fanservicey ass.

Shuu and Minato

The way Shuu is being depicted in the anime is underwhelming at best. He might be quiet and calm on the outside, but on the inside, he’s extremely passionate about archery and about Minato, though not in this clichéd and overused way that the anime is portraying.

Even though Seiya also used to be on their team, Shuu considers Minato his only rival and bow friend. The two of them know each other well and are actually pretty close, since they literally attended the same middle school.

None of this actually shows in the anime at all. One may argue that it’s easy to notice he’s interested in Minato more than anyone else, and it really is, but their rivalry isn’t nearly as fiery and there seems to be no trace of their friendship. Shuu simply keeps spouting been-there-done-that catchphrases that any rival of any sports animanga has said to the protagonist, and that’s it.

In the novel, Shuu is rather obsessed with Minato in different ways. He doesn’t only crave for Minato in competitions, he also craves for him outside of the dojo. He misses him since they’re attending different schools, but ever since they were little, he had always wanted to spend way more time with Minato than he actually had in his hands. He hates having to part ways with Minato when business is over and is unforgiving of anyone who might “steal” Minato from him. KyoAni for some reason has made Seiya hostile towards Masaki, but Shuu is the one who resents Masaki for becoming Minato’s goal rather than himself.

The flashbacks also aren’t helping. When they were kids, they acted... well, like kids, and not like mini versions of how they are now. They were loud, openly competitive, and would fight for Saionji’s side because he had bad hearing, so they had to talk close to his ears. They were also like older brothers to Saionji’s grandson, which the anime didn’t show.

Their first meeting was different. Minato usually came around the dojo to peek at practice, and Saionji took him as pupil along with Shuu because he believed that teaching the two of them was his fate.

Minato had always annoyed Shuu and was always the only one capable of instigating fiery emotions in him, starting with the fact that he made Shuu realize that someone else his age was as talented as himself. Shuu was extremely irritated when Minato suddenly stopped coming to their practice, having no idea that the motive had been the car accident. He was irritated yet again when they met by chance in middle school, and all the while, he keeps thinking, “who do you think you are to irritate me”.

When Hiroki comments that Shuu must be so elegant and skilled with his shooting because he was taught by a former imperial guard, Shuu responds that he’s actually like that because there’s someone whose heart he wants to shoot through. He credits Minato for his own prowess because his desire to be better than Minato is what got him so far. The twins ask if there was someone who managed to charm him that much and if the saying “the greatest hate springs from the greatest love” has anything to do with it. Shuu responds with nothing but a daring smile and an “I wonder”.

Other interactions between them that the anime watered down are their greetings during the beginning of the tournament and Shuu’s words before he left. In the novel, Minato froze at the sight of him and held his breath when he got close. Shuu reminisces to memories of when they were kids, which is why he goes to Minato’s side and whispers into his ear. Then he puts a hand over Minato’s scar and asks if it still hurts, and Minato answers that it doesn’t.

Just a heads-up: everyone is watching this unfold. Kazemai and the twins are staring at this bullshit but everyone feels they can’t get close because the gay atmosphere around them is too intense.

Minato says that he knows Shuu turned his back on him for getting target panic while he got a full score during the individual competitions at the middle school championship (because of the “cold look” that Shuu had given him in after their loss), and claims that he can’t face Shuu at all. Shuu responds that he hadn’t turned his back on Minato even once, and that he had only not comforted or admonished Minato at that time because he didn’t think there were words for Minato’s situation.

He reveals that he had no idea Minato had suddenly stopped coming to their secret practice because of a serious injury, and that he had realized just how eagerly he had been waiting for Minato when they met again in middle school. He had believed that Minato would definitely come back in high school as well, and asked Minato to “show his archery again”. Minato seems a little touched by it, and Shuu comments that Saionji actually never taught anyone personally, and that Saionji apparently believed Shuu and Minato to be the last duty entrusted to him. Shuu believes that their meeting was a “gift from the God of the bow”, and after saying so, he leaves.

Many things didn’t happen, though. Like the two of them meeting after the tournament and at the shrine. Shuu never asks Minato to take responsibility for changing his life, never acts like a total dick with Seiya and never tells Minato that one can’t do archery for someone else’s sake.

The day before the first team competitions, Minato had barely slept because of his meeting with Shuu. He was glad that Shuu hadn’t given up on him and felt strongly that he didn’t want to lose face in front of him. He was extremely impatient after seeing Shuu’s shooting, and their difference in skill was ever so present even in the next days, as he wanted to become the kind of archer who could be a match for Shuu as fast as possible.

During the second phase of the tournament, Minato and Shuu meet again, and the dialogue they have is way different from the anime:

“Minato, it’s been a while. How are you feeling today?” “Not bad at all, Shuu. A lot of cheering squads came for us today, so I’m fired-up.” “I’m surprised to hear you say such a thing. You said before that you weren’t drawing for the sake of other people watching you. You thought spectators were annoying.” “I’m honestly happy to be supported now. Besides, I’ve just always loved doing archery, be it before or now. So why is someone like you drawing a bow, Shuu? Aren’t you doing it for the same reasons as me?”

Instead of replying, Shuu just smiled brightly, and this ticked off the twins, who started attacking Minato and had to be stopped by Shuu. He apologized on their behalf, which yet again spiked jealousy, and left with them.

Right before the tiebreaking match, Minato wondered if Shuu was watching from somewhere. Minato had never participated in one of them before, and it was all thanks to Shuu. Having someone as skilled as him to be the ochi was reassuring, and Minato entrusted him and Seiya with his back in their middle school days. However, unlike how the anime goes, the novel explicitly states that Minato’s state of mind being at ease during competitions was Shuu’s merit, specifically. He knew that Shuu would always hit, and so he could remain calm, knowing that someone could cover up for him if he made any mistakes.

Similar to this scene, right before the final match between Kazemai and Kirisaki, Shuu yet again comes to talk to Minato as he was being bothered by the twins:

“I’m deeply moved to face you in competition again, Minato. Did you hurt your wrist?” “No, it’s already fine. I can’t help but feel happy to take on the strongest member.” “I’m looking forward to it.”

During the duo’s last shot, the clouds opened up, and the grains of dust illuminated by the sunlight formed the shape of wings on their backs. As Shuu misses his last shot, he mouths the word, “congratulations” to Minato while the Kazemai boys are hugging him.

In short, Shuu and Minato’s relationship is originally complex and tridimensional, and the anime is reducing it to something dry, commonplace and boring.

Masaki and Minato

Here comes the bible that you asked for, you heathens.

First off, this duo is ridiculous. Their relationship literally has absolutely no business being as good as it is. You just know that it’s the most important one of the story from the fact that it begins when chapter one ends and appears on the very first illustration (other than the one in the cover).

I’m gonna start from the start: the character relationship chart from the official site. It says that what Minato borders for Masaki is “reverence”. That’s pretty heavy for a high school student.

A number of things ensue right before Masaki and Minato’s first meeting, which the anime didn’t show:

When Minato hears Masaki’s tsurune for the first time, his heart starts racing.

While he’s approaching the dojo, he’s praying in his head for Masaki not to disappear until he gets there. He was already thinking that maybe Masaki might be a ghost that haunted the shrine, but he didn’t care if this was the case.

Minato watched Masaki’s shooting for waaay longer in the novel. He stood hidden behind a fence as Masaki fired six shots and then did the finishing formalities.

While Masaki was collecting the arrows, Minato was sighing heavily, rubbing his sweaty palms against his uniform and wondering if he should go talk to him. But it’s totally not a crush. Totally not.

I hate these two so much.

Just to put it out there, it feels like Yamamura Takuya (the anime’s director) is fanboying over Masaki. Or more like over an ideal version of him. In canon, Masaki is an absolute dork and not nearly as composed and mature as the anime tries to sell him. He’s usually clumsy and vulgar, and jokes around a lot.

That being said, he gets friendly with Minato overly quickly. Although he’s confused as to why a random kid would be in the woods watching him, their first conversation is about anything but that, and suddenly Fuu is the topic. It escalates from Masaki offering to nurse the scratch on Minato’s hand to Minato volunteering to replace the lamps of the shrine’s waiting room, and then to the two of them drinking canned coffee together at the shajo. In-between this, we have Masaki joking about Minato being suspicious of him and that he wouldn’t charge for the medicine, knocking over a drawer and sending the contents flying, throwing unnoticed sarcasm at Minato while he changes the lamps and Minato mistaking the can of coffee for alcohol. Masaki then resumes shooting the rest of the arrows after that and Minato stays as audience. Once he’s done, Minato questions him about his shooting routine, and Masaki answers every question even though they literally just met.

All of this in just one night.

To add up, the novel has a veil of supernatural in it, and Minato and Masaki’s encounters in the shrine are portrayed with an atmosphere of mystery. They feel somewhat fantasious since there’s a lot of symbolism and ellusive language involved, like the shrine is a separate world that belongs just to the two of them, where both Minato and Masaki find not only each other but also themselves, renewing their love for the bow. And this is where I myself started becoming inspired while reading this novel. I, too, felt like praticing archery for once, so that I could point the bow at my head and shoot an arrow right into my face because I can’t take this bullshit.

But I digress.

Minato goes home without asking Masaki’s name, then proceeds to search for information regarding him on the internet like some stalkerish middle school girl. He finds nothing and berates himself for not asking, but also wouldn’t know what to do if he had really asked. 100% not a high school chick flick.

The next evening, Minato visits the shrine again. It’s raining, and when he finds Masaki shooting just like in the previous night, he notices that it feels like Masaki is performing a prayer when he does so. Minato watches hidden behind the fence yet again and wonders what Masaki could be wishing for in a night where the stars aren’t visible, because apparently Masaki’s presence increases Minato’s poetic tendencies by a hundred.

When Masaki spots him, he gives a peace sign and beckons him, but Minato’s brain has bluescreened at that point, so being the little shit he is, Masaki crouches and gestures to Minato as if he’s calling over a dog or a cat. This predictably has Minato flustered, and Masaki jokes that seeing him under the rain in a dark spot is scary. Minato comes to the shajo dripping wet and Masaki lends him a beginner’s uniform, telling him that he doesn’t have to be so formal.

By the time Minato returns, the floor that he had dirtied is completely clean, even though Masaki had asked Minato to mop it once he finished changing. The two of them have canned coffee together again, this time with oyaki. Fuu hadn’t showed up because of the rain, and that’s when Masaki jokes that Minato’s shoulder is the perfect perch for him. While arguing that he isn’t an ornament, Minato asks about the hours of activity in the dojo, and finds out that it was supposed to be used until 9pm but is currently only used during daytime, so the only one who is there at night is Masaki, except for couples that sneak inside occasionally. Minato is taken aback at the fact that couple come to a sacred place to make out and whatnot, and for some godforsaken reason, the author seemed to think it was a good idea for Masaki to retort with, “You don’t seem to have much experience in that area. Shall I teach you the basics?”

*high-pitched screaming*

One might argue that this isn’t as suggestive as it seems, but Minato responds with, “You perverted old man” and Masaki just... freaking grins. And then this bitch hits jackpot when he tries to get Minato to fire an arrow because he can tell that Minato has experience with archery and that he wants to shoot. Minato is exasperated and wants to run away from it, but Masaki coaxes him into opening up, assuring him that not even telephone lines pass through the dojo, so whatever Minato would say would be heard by no one but him. This is when he throws the infamous “I’m not someone who exists in your reality” line, and Minato ends up squeezing out everything that had been burdening him. It’s then that they finally introduce themselves to each other and Minato finds out that Masaki used to have target panic.

The next day, Minato doesn’t attend club activities despite Seiya and Ryouhei’s insistence to get him to join, and goes to visit the shrine again. He finds Masaki dressed in formal hakama instead of kyuudougi for the first time and stops on his tracks unintentionally at the sight of Masaki’s muscles glowing in the evening lights.

This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is not homoerotic fanfiction. This is n

You kind of can’t ignore at this point that Masaki grins every time he sees Minato. Meanwhile, Minato shudders at the sound of Masaki’s arrows piercing the air, which is unlike any he had heard before, and thinks about how he never gets tired of seeing Masaki shoot. There is joy in the fact that such ideal shots are being executed right in front of him, and cheesy as it may be, this makes him happy to have been born. And since Minato already knows about Masaki’s goal of scoring ten thousand shots, this thirsty motherfucker is already wondering if he’ll ever see him shooting again after he accomplishes it.

Minato is, in fact, just as much of a sports nerd as any sports animanga protagonist. It just so happens that he’s less showy about it, and basically the only one who gets it out of him is Masaki.

Masaki carried out proper practice with Minato, unlike in the anime, where Minato only shoots once. They start with practice at close range, and it’s then that Masaki starts using his ridiculously improper tips, like “push your hips forwards more, like you’re peeing standing up” and “look at my armpit hair”. For better or worse, his advice is easy to grasp and Minato makes the most out of it.

By that point, he’s also already grasped Masaki’s personality. When they’re done, Masaki calls Fuu over while they’re having coffee. He also shares with Minato all the material he had about archery, which ranged from students’ books to exclusive publications to old magazines, and the two of them have a priceless dialogue that the anime cut out:

“It’s amazing that you collected all of these books so thoroughly.” “I didn’t; they were a gift.” “I knew it.” “What do you mean by ‘I knew it’?” “It’s because that kind of detailed work doesn’t suit you, Masa-san.” “Don’t you feel like treating your seniors with even a bit of respect?” “Not at all.” “Good grief, does that mean I have to teach you by praising you?”

Masaki then hands him a rubber mascot and recommends him the muscle training that he learned from his grandfather. The two of them speculate on the reasons why Minato might have gotten target panic and discuss methods to cure it. Then Minato finds out about Masaki’s powder container and the bikini pattern on it, and they have yet another beautiful exchange that KyoAni has ruined:

“What kind of drawing is that?” “Oh, Minato is a healthy young man too, eh?” “No way, this is…” “Yep, it’s a bikini.” “You have some rare items here, old man.” “I’m honored to receive a compliment from you.” “It wasn’t a compliment—!”

Harold, they’re bi.

The following evening, Minato goes to the shrine not realizing that his back had been injured when he and Seiya fought, but Masaki notices it and insists on treating it. This results in Minato taking off his shirt so that Masaki could stick a bandage to it, and honestly, Minato could have been thinking about anything at that moment and I would have been okay with it. He could have thought about Seiya, about the club, about what to have for dinner that night even. Any crap would have sufficed. But nah.

Nah.

He’s thinking about the cold touch of Masaki’s hands on his skin and shivering at it. Because. You know. That’s what straight boys do.

Minato’s shooting is horrible that night and he’s sullen because of the lack of the smell of coffee, since Masaki had brought tea instead. He asks to see Fuu, but Masaki reveals that Fuu had only been with him because he was feeding it and healing its wound, and after it got better, it left his hands. This leads to an exchange that somewhat feels like foreshadowing:

“So it dumped you after you healed it?” “Any problem with that?” “Noooope.”

And it causes Masaki to notice that Minato is feeling anxious, so he tries to confort him, and Minato confides to him about the whole issue with the club and Seiya. Masaki tells him that he’s probably conveying to Seiya he has lingering attachments, and suggests that he takes upon Seiya’s offer. Minato counter-argues that he has no confidence for it, and Masaki asks if he’d be just drawing a bow all alone from that point onward. Minato questions what he means by “all alone”, and it’s only then that Masaki says, “Don’t think that I’ll be here forever. You shouldn’t keep coming to this place.” Minato is confused by his words but doesn’t ask for clarification because they sound like Masaki had grown tired of him. He compares it to something like what a child would say to a stray animal that they’d picked out of pity but then grew bored of.

Masaki is completely unaware of the effect this had on Minato and casually asks him to put away his powder container, tossing it to him. And my God, my sweet lordly goodness gracious, there’s a really odd emphasis on the bikini pattern when Minato catches it. THE DOUBLE ENTENDREE IS TOO STRONG, KIDS. Minato is clearly scared of being dumped by him like he was dumped by Fuu, but it's almost like the author tries to hint that Masaki being into women has something to do with Minato’s insecurity. Y’all may think Minato was actually not that affected by it, but after he left the dojo, he did everything robotically and had a restless night, with the mascot that Masaki gave him appearing in his dreams all the while.

The next afternoon, Minato goes to the shrine to return Masaki’s powder container, which he had accidentally brought home with him, and then the whole misunderstanding about Masaki being dead happens. When Minato returns in the evening, Masaki’s tsurune sounds like a funeral march to him. He finds Masaki in nousha clothing and two shots short of achieving ten thousand, and thinks that the scene as a whole looks just like a skillful stage production. He’s also oddly fixated on Masaki’s “exposed skin” and “fascinating profile”.

It’s here that Minato shows the first signs of selfishness towards Masaki. One would think that being excessively cared for by Seiya would mean that he’d be more of a free-spirited person, and his discomfort at Seiya’s meddling might seem like a sign of that. And indeed, Minato is like that with everyone else, except Masaki.

With Masaki, he’s the greediest little bitch.

He starts begging that the night would never end. He literally wishes that time would stop so that he could be there with Masaki forever. Like, screw his dad, screw Seiya, screw the entire rest of his life; he just wants Masaki to remain there.

Masaki was, of course, oblivious to this. He decides to recreate a scene from Zen in the Art of Archery that he had once mentioned to Minato with his last two shots. He lights up sage and positions it at the target bank, and after he shoots, he thanks Minato and says he has no more regrets. This makes Minato feel like he might disappear at any moment, and that’s when we get the iconic “don’t pass on” scene.

I must point out that one of the things I find really interesting in character dynamics is when a character has set rules of conduct and ideals for themselves but they break all of them willingly for the sake of only one other character, and that’s exactly what happens between these two. This trope is used by the author in a very obviously intentional way, which is even better.

Before Minato runs to Masaki and begs him not to leave, there’s a series of ironies to consider:

Minato dislikes being clingy with people on default.

He doesn’t do things like wishing upon stars, but if he were to, he’d wish for Masaki to stay with him.

The night before, Masaki had told him: “In the future, if you find someone that you like very much and you have to part ways with that person, will you give up without doing anything when that time comes just because you have no confidence? There are things people can’t beat no matter how much they wish to be strong. But if you do meet something that you truly don’t want to lose, it should be able to make you cling to it and shout.” Of course, Masaki had absolutely no idea that this “person” could be himself. Since he was talking about the future, he probably meant a lover.

Minato’s response is that he’d never so something so embarrassing in his life.

Yeah, boi played himself.

When Minato holds onto Masaki and shouts at him not to go anywhere, a lot is different from the anime version. For starters, since Masaki had his sleeve down, Minato basically shoved himself onto his bare chest. He also grabbed Masaki roughly with both hands, only, it’s not said where he grabbed. I............ kinda hope he didn’t grab the same spot as he did in the anime. ‘Cause. Well. Titty out.

Anyway. Minato was half-crying back there, and his words to Masaki during this moment are an absolute treasure and I have no idea why KyoAni would cut so much of it out, so here go his original lines:

“Are you a ghost? No, wait, a zombie? You’re so cold… But I’m never letting you go! You’re still my master, after all. Until the master passes on all his skills to the disciple, he has the responsibility to watch over him. No, wait, you don’t have to be my master. I just want you to stay here, Masa-san. If you’re a ghost, you can possess me; if you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood; and if you’re a zombie, huum, well… I’ll try to not mind even if you stink a little!”

Read this again. Digest it. Or at least try, because there’s just too much going on. Sure it’s all really damn funny, but Minato’s possessiveness is peaking here. He’s basically declaring that, supposing Masaki were actually a ghost, Minato wouldn’t let him rest and wouldn’t hand him over to even death itself. At first, Minato tries to argue that there should be still something chaining Masaki to the world of the living, since he hasn’t fulfilled his role as mentor yet. But then he thinks it over and decides that he wouldn’t want Masaki to leave him even after having taught him everything he knows. And the solutions that he comes up with are not only over-the-top but also risky.

“If you’re a ghost, you can possess me.” What the fuck, kid? “If you’re a vampire, I’ll give you my blood.” What the actual everloving fuck, kid?

So, yeah, he’s known Masaki for less than a week and is already willing to give his flesh and blood and overall control of his life for the sake of keeping him at a reachable distance. Bonus for actually picturing Masaki taking possession of his physical form and biting his neck to suck the life out of him.

How very straight.

The fact that Masaki’s jaw drops and he lets his bow fall to the floor is an icing on the cake. After he laughs his ass off once the misunderstanding is solved, he comments how “it’s really true that the sillier the kid is, the cuter” and then teases by asking if Minato was relieved that he wasn’t a ghost. This chapter section is just glorious.

Masaki then asks if Minato hadn’t been showing up because he thought he was a ghost, and Minato answers that he was merely doing as told after Masaki said that he shouldn’t come to the place. As if him being a ghost would stop this relentless little fucker. Masaki reveals that since Fuu had returned to the forest, he believed Minato should return to where he belonged as well. However, Minato had immediately come back to him, and he couldn’t do anything about that.

The two of them then went to collect the arrows and sat next to each other for their usual coffee time. Masaki explains that the powder container was a present from his grandfather, who was also his former master, and tells him the meaning behind his ten thousand shots. Yes, the one he opens up to about his grandfather being a good archer but a shitty teacher is Minato, not Tommy-sensei.

The thing is: his grandfather never asked if he liked archery. He simply thought that Masaki was fooling around because his form was messed up, so Masaki was cast away by him as someone who should be ignored due to apparently not taking archery seriously enough. The truth was that Masaki was actually trying his best, which is why he was so deeply hurt by his grandfather’s attitude that he quit archery and didn’t join the archery club in college. However, he undoubtedly loved it, and had always been thinking of ways of reconciling with his grandfather, but to no avail.

His grandfather was still estranged from him when he passed away, so Masaki came up with the idea of shooting ten thousand arrows in order to communicate with him from the other side. After he overcame target panic and fixed his form, he was able to become the exemplary archer that his grandfather wished he would be, so he set the task upon himself to get rid of his burdens and send his grandfather’s soul to rest.

No, KyoAni, it wasn’t for petty revenge against a dead person, omg.

It’s also clear by this point that Masaki and Minato are parallels of each other. Masaki, too, ended up returning to the forest, to his family’s shrine and to its dojo, and troublesome as it could be, he found himself unable to stop drawing the bow. While he talks about this to Minato, there’s a quick emphasis on the azaleas blooming nearby, and their flower language surely has something to do with the scene. Amongst other things, they mean “remembering your home with fondness or wishing to return to it”, “caring for yourself and your family”, “temperance and emotional evenness”, and “delicate passion”. All of this emphasizes how awesome a character Masaki is, and the way the anime ignores every single one of his best points is just appalling.

When Masaki finishes speaking, Minato decides to shoot at the targets instead of the close-range practice he had been doing until that point. Masaki lets him, and he goes as far as getting dressed up in the uniform in order to do it. He hits for the first time ever since his target panic started acting up, at the edge of the target. Overcome with nostalgia and feeling so happy that he could die, Minato shoots again and manages to hit the center. Minato then realizes how hungry he had been for the bow and realizes that there’s actually still hope for him as an archer. Masaki asks if he had also recovered, and he declares he’ll join the archery club.

After he joins and Masaki comes in as the coach, Seiya sees his reaction and asks Masaki if he owned a pet bird. Masaki is confused and answers no, because he really doesn’t. Minato, on the other hand, wants to run the fuck away because shit, Dad found out who he’d been with all those nights.

Training camp starts shortly after this, and it’s wildly different from the anime. Starting from the fact that the whole servant thing never happened. Masaki never made the boys serve the girls, never tried to coax them into doing his priest work, never wakes them up at 4am, never barges in on them taking a bath and never keeps them from practicing. I’m trying to figure out why KyoAni made him do all of this, not just because it wasn’t in the books, but also because literally none of that made any sense and served no purpose other than for painting Masaki as an irresponsible asshole.

In the novel’s training camp, the boys and the girls share the load. They all do the chores and are made to help around the shrine alongside practicing because they were staying there. They would cook their own meals, and Masaki and Tommy-sensei did them the favor of taking them to hot springs at some point. There was training aside from practice, and the kids would gather in the boys’ room right before sleep time simply to hang out.

Masaki had also done thorough research on the tournament results and tried to get the kids to reach them with a cautious and slow start. All the way up to this point, through the training camp and until the tournament, Masaki coaches the kids properly, giving really helpful tips, fixing their quirks and being overall a good observation example, never casting pressure on them and never poking his nose where he shouldn’t.

This is all very important to everyone, but above them, it is to Minato. He’s by far the one who benefits the most off the training, and Masaki’s careful supervision is everything he needs while his target panic isn’t cured.

There is some misplaced gay in the anime for the two of them in the training camp, though, as the scene of Masaki helping Minato get dressed doesn’t happen. But in the novel, the clothes Minato wore were Masaki’s, not his grandfather’s. And after the yawatashi, Minato comments on how it was an honor to serve as Masaki’s kaizoe.

Ren was introduced differently in the novel as well. In it, he went straight for Minato at first sight, played a prank on him, and then asked if he was “Minato-kun”. Meaning that Masaki gushed so much about Minato to his brother that he already knew exactly who Minato was and what he looked like. Minato almost doesn’t believe that Ren and Masaki are related because Ren seemed like he was mischievous in his younger years.

After Minato falls in the river getting back Nanao’s hat, Masaki lends him his jacket and takes him back to the shrine for a bath. Not because he was “stinking of river”, but because he wanted Minato to warm himself up as fast as possible. Minato argues that Seiya might worry if he doesn’t return soon, and Masaki tells him not to fret about it as he should prioritize his own health.

Once Minato is done, he meets with Masaki in the dining room and Masaki pours him hot coffee. Since he usually only ever saw Masaki in a hakama, Minato thinks it’s refreshing to have a glimpse on his everyday life.

Not just the warm drink but being there with Masaki makes Minato feel relieved and relaxed, and he opens up about maybe being a bother to everyone. Masaki brushes it off, and so, he ends up also venting about Seiya and how he acts like a meddlesome family member. He reveals that Seiya unintentionally pressures him into meeting his expectations, but what Minato thinks wouldn’t worry him often has the opposite effect. Masaki asks when he’d started acting that way, and Minato tells him about his car accident and that Seiya had witnessed it. Masaki suggests that Seiya might have earned his protectiveness from the event, but Minato feels like Seiya harbors some sort of guilt towards him. When he says he feels like repenting for it, and this leads to the two of them being little shits like they usually are around each other:

“‘Repenting’? I’m a Shinto priest, not Christian. I can perform exorcism rites and blessings, though.” “Eeeh, you don’t seem very holy, Masa-san.” “What did you say? Well, then do you want to ask Ren? Unlike me, he has some kind of ability to sense the supernatural, and he has a priest certificate anyway. But there may be surprises, so people with weak hearts should take caution.”

And then these two bastards just look at each other and start laughing.

Minato takes the opportunity to ask about what Masaki had been teaching Kaito and Masaki explains it.......... sort of differently than how he had done with Kaito:

Masa-san held Minato’s arm so lightly that he almost wasn’t touching him at all. His faintly transmitted body temperature was warm. And then, he let go of his arm just as gently as when he touched it. Minato desperately chased after the feeling left on his skin so he wouldn’t forget it.

The last sentence fucks me up immensely, fam. The rest goes on unlike in the anime too:

“Why do you think you’re the ochi for this time’s shooting order?” “To watch over my teammates’ backs?” “You’re on the right track; that’s half-correct. You have to protect Seiya’s back in particular.” “Me, protect Seiya?” “It’s a role that only you can take. I’m also happy to pass on the teachings that my master left to me. I can’t express the feeling of his palm with things like words and pictures. Thank you, Minato.”

This renders Minato speechless, and makes him think that he also can’t help but long for the day to come when he would pass the warmth of Masaki’s hand on to people who will share their wishes and ambitions with him.

After the sports tournament in which Seiya’s protective dad vibes started getting more serious, Minato went to the shrine to pray, wishing to be able to laugh the whole thing off but having no idea who to talk to about the topic. Masaki shows up as if on cue, just in time to also warn him not to lean too much to look into the shrine’s pond, or else he might fall down.

Turns out that Masaki had been taking lessons to improve his knowledge so that he’d be able to coach the kids better, and as he came back from it, he decided to review what he had learned in order not to forget it, and allowed Minato to stay and watch. Some of the material had to do with target panic, and he let Minato in on it as he shot.

Once he’s done, they have their usual canned coffee, since Masaki always has enough for himself and Minato for some reason. While drinking, Minato stares at Masaki’s hand because he’s just as straight as his arrows. He analyzes Masaki’s shooting as something like a forest in a tree, combining strength and generosity, and becomes disheartened at his own lack of skill.

Masaki offers to call Fuu upon hearing Minato sigh, and Minato dismisses it since he had been able to hear Fuu’s cry, and then comments to Masaki that he had seen a karp with an injured eye at the pond. Before Masaki had arrived, Minato had met Ren there and Ren had told him about a creepy legend involving the fish. Minato had heard from Masaki that Ren had more disposition than him to feel the supernatural, so he’s successfully freaked out, but Masaki reveals that the legend is Ren’s own invention as Ren is a writer of children’s literature in addition to being a photographer and illustrator.

Masaki laughs his ass off at the fact Minato actually believed in a scary story made up for little kids, and although Minato is utterly embarrassed, he’s also happy, since it feels like Masaki is laughing his worries away. After Masaki unknowingly serves as emotional support for Minato as always, Minato earns some determination and decides to properly question Seiya on the matter.

Even when he’s facing Seiya and his issues finally come to light, Minato is thinking about Masaki. When Minato opened up to Masaki for the first time, Masaki had commented on how painful it must have been for him. They weren’t words of pity or consolation, but they resonated with Minato because they were truthful which means Shuu has to step up his game and get on that level. To Minato, truthful things were good, and good things were beautiful, just like the tsurune that had captivated him in the forest. Therefore, Minato wanted to convey honest feelings with his own words to Seiya as well.

So, yeah, Masaki grows to be an ideal for Minato even outside of archery.

Along the course of all this, there’s a fair amount of hints of latent bisexuality other things about Minato that the anime hasn’t displayed, which come mostly in the form of narration, thoughts and silent actions. And unsurprisingly, they’re always related to Masaki:

Minato thinks Masaki’s eyes are bewitching.

He’s weak to Masaki’s smile.

He has mixed feelings when Masaki treats him like a child and when he sees Kaito acting familiar with Masaki.

He hates not being able to see Masaki. Above that, he really hates not having alone time with Masaki, specifically.

He often stares at Masaki and observes details in him, like how long his fingers are and how well-built his body is. The moment he started thinking that “those fingers had the ability to produce a beautiful tsurune”, I cry-laughed because this is just too much bullshit.

He actually, non-ironically sees sensuality in older men when they look suspicious of something, and he notices this in Ren. But the first thing he does is compare him to Masaki in that aspect and conclude that Masaki still has some childishness in him and that he’s gentler than Ren.

God help this boy. Ayano Kotoko is merciless.

I don’t even care if he’s never confirmed as bi, but I refuse to believe that Minato is heterosexual. But of course KyoAni isn’t making any of this clear. Of course.

Anyway, moving on. Episode 11 was a disgrace. Literally none of it happens in the novel.

What goes on after Minato settles things up with Seiya is that Masaki takes the boys to an equipment store to buy stuff for the club. There, Masaki and Minato have a talk about Masaki’s grandfather, and Minato finds out that he was actually a famous archer. Minato then becomes convinced of why Masaki was so into archery, as anyone would want to draw a bow having a master that great so near them, but Masaki retorts that he’d been holding a bow before even knowing anything very well (which brings us back to the fact he started archery when he was a toddler). As a matter of course, Masaki asks why Minato started archery, and Minato answers it was because he once watched a competition ten years before with his mother and never forgot it. He also comments that the tsurune of the archer that won and Masaki’s were exactly alike. And that’s where we get the second obvious hint that fate is one of this duo’s main elements.

After they’re done, Seiya and Masaki stay behind at a café to do accounting work and the other four left first. Minato remained outside while the others decided to go into a bookstore, and after a creepy encounter with an injured cat that reminded him of the injured fish, Minato was almost killed in a truck accident. A truck driver lost control of the wheel and the timbers that the truck was carrying flew out. Minato was almost fatally hit but Masaki saved him at the cost of a head injury that sent him straight to the hospital.

Minato and Seiya went with Masaki in the ambulance and waited outside the surgery room for him. Seiya was used to it after having gone through the same thing during Minato’s accident, so he remained calm, but Minato was a ball of nerves. His sense of reality was impaired, and he was asking himself what would happen if Masaki never woke up.

When Ren arrives, Minato apologizes for being the reason why Masaki was in such condition, but Ren dismisses him and tells the boys that they’re free to go home. Minato insists he'd stay, and the boys end up staying as well. Masaki regains consciousness not much after that, and asks about Minato immediately after finding out where he is.

Ren leaves to call a nurse, Seiya leaves to contact Tomio and Minato stays by Masaki’s bedside. Minato doesn’t know what to say; neither how to apologize nor how to thank Masaki. He had gotten nine stitches and seeing the bandage on his head caused Minato to feel pained.

Read this one more time, and then read the in-betweens. Masaki has earned himself a scar. Minato wasn’t taken away by the gods, but now the two of them are “separated from everyone else”.

While Minato is hanging his head in guilt and gripping the bedsheets, this dialogue ensues:

“What’s wrong, Minato? You’re making such an ugly face. I’m perfectly alive.” “Masa-san, if you had died, I’d have followed after you.” “Hey, hey, don’t say such disturbing things.” “I really mean it.” “Good grief.”

And what I love about this is that Minato says the literal most drastic shit that he’s thinking, out of fucking nowhere, for no goddamn reason. Neither thanking nor apologizing was quite right; he just had to declare that not even death can do them part, again.

Because fuck you, that’s why.

Masaki then stretched out his hand (which had an IV in it because why not add more pain to this clusterfuck) and ruffled Minato’s hair. Minato started crying, unable to stop even if he willed it, thinking to himself that he knew the weight of Masaki’s hand, and that it was still warm. He wanted to thank everyone who had helped Masaki survive, but could only keep crying until Ren and Seiya came back.

Next day at school, Minato was approached by a classmate who had heard rumors about the accident. When the boy mentions that Masaki would be publicly acknowledged for his deed and that he became a local hero, Minato glares daggers at him because he hates the idea of Masaki being treated as a martyr at the cost of almost throwing his life away to protect him.

Minato and Seiya were consoled by Tomio when he saw them, and Minato once again felt like crying his eyes out. He knew that Masaki would have laughed at him if he were there, but the tears were welling up in his eyes all the same.

When they all go visit Masaki after school, Masaki wastes no time to give the boys advice. He finishes by giving Minato a pep talk: “Enjoy the state of the draw. If you keep stretching to open left and right from the center line of your body, your arrow will naturally be let go of along with the triggering of your spirit. That’s what the ‘release’ is about. Drive target panic and delayed hold away.”

After that, Masaki told them that they didn’t have to visit him anymore, but Minato refused it and went to visit him every single day.

The day before the tournament, Minato went to the shrine. He saw the surrounding cherry trees without any flowers and thought about how different they were in comparison to when he and Masaki had first met. He then prayed for everyone in the club to to their best at the tournament and for Masaki to get better as fast as possible.

After lunch, Minato went to the lobby of the building by himself, still plagued by his anxiety over not knowing when his target panic could start up again. He then sees coffee in a vending machine and walks towards it “as if drawn to it”. He buys a can, drinks the contents, and when he’s throwng it away, he notices someone standing under the shadow of the pillar behind the vending machine. The person was drinking the same brand of coffee as Minato had drunk, and he got a deja-vu from the sight, so he peeked into the man’s face.

Really feeling the Red String of Fate vibes in this Chili’s once more, and it was, of course, all on purpose. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg in this chapter. As Minato’s eyes met with Masaki’s, they have their usual comedy routine:

“Masa-san!?” “S’up, Minato.” “Don’t you ‘s’up’ me!? Why are you here? Today’s not the day you’ll be discharged from the hospital, right?” “I escaped from the hospital. It’d be a bother if Tommy-sensei and the others hear about this, so keep quiet.” “‘Keep quiet’, you say…” “Yeah, yeah, you hide too, Minato.”

Masaki pulls Minato into the shadow of the pillar and explains that Ren helped him flee from the hospital by pretending to be him. On top of that, he was wearing a cap to hide the bandage around his head.

When Masaki expresses his wish to watch his students, Minato argues that they were recording the matches for him, but Masaki shoots back that he can’t see the details on camera and comments that Minato had forgotten to tighten his left pinky during the draw. He clarifies that the rubber dormouse was meant to train his muscles of the hand and help him control them, and asks if Minato had been worrying over something. As always, he hits jackpot, and also as always, Minato doesn’t hide it from him. Masaki then assures him that he’d shot well either way, that it was fine to be nervous and that it was okay not to hit. His attitude is too easygoing for Minato, who asks himself how Masaki can afford to be drinking coffee so carefreely at such a timing. It all makes his worries seem foolish, and he soon starts feeling better. Masaki informs him that he’d leave as soon as the last round ended and leaves Minato to fight back a smile before he goes back to the venue.

This scene is probably the one that makes most obvious how Masaki is always there for Minato, almost like it’s a rule. He’s conveniently placed at a distance where Minato can find him, is able to realize that Minato is distressed, and easily makes him feel better. It’s undebatably intentional from the author’s part.

Fast forward to right before the final round, Tomio gives the boys their headbands. They’re yellowish green, which is Minato’s assigned color, and that’s obviously intentional as well. Tomio calls them “treasure items” and reveals that they’d been “blessed by a certain priest”.

While the boys take on Kirisaki, Masaki is in the audience, wondering if Minato realizes how much he attracts those around him. He reminisces to his 10,000 shots, and how he had decided on that absurd number because he intended to let go of the bow permanently after he was done with them. He found extreme joy in archery, but he was tired of pursuing abstract goals with it, so he had decided to give it up. But on the night he completed the 10,000 shots, Minato had extended his hands to him, and his eyes had told Masaki that he could still draw his bow. Minato is described as the one who sent his smouldering soul into the wind, his “fire-starter”.

This is also valid for Minato, who is, at the very same moment, reflecting on how he wouldn’t have arrived at that place if he hadn’t heard Masaki’s tsurune on that night. He then has a long monologue about life and meetings, both between people and between humans and gods, all related to archery one way or another.

Right upon finishing the formalities, Minato looked at the audience, and found Masaki standing in the wind. As always, his eyes are drawn to him, and also as always, Masaki grins at him when spotted.

Later on, while Kazemai prepared for the regional tournament, Masaki was discharged from the hospital, and the first thing he and Minato do after meeting again is check on each other’s codition. Then, Minato reveals to Masaki that he and the boys had contacted an acquaintace of his grandfather’s and learned the words he had expressed about Masaki before dying. Masaki is confused, and Minato says that his grandfather had regretted becoming estranged from him. When Masaki argues that his grandfather would never say something so admirable, Minato tells him the words directly: “I look forward to Masaki becoming a fine archer”. Masaki almost cried right then, and so, the boys’ practice started. Masaki joined them, and I think it’s very obvious that he was going to shoot the target next to Minato’s.

There were also these sentences in the narration as Masaki holds back tears: “‘Fortune’ might have been a word that referred to all meetings. A gift named coincidence, as though someone had devised it.”

Of course someone fucking deviced it, Ayano. It was fucking fate. We fucking get it, Ayano. Fucking thank you. Unironically.