#from me trying my best to be objective
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Hello! Love your blog and your takes, objective and sane and well researched chefs kiss! I had a blast scrolling through it like it was my feed yesterday lol can you elaborate on klaus and Paul if possible? People mostly talk about them like it’s already understood but I don’t understand 😭 I’m kinda lost on their (all of them, including stu) dynamic during the hamburg years specifically when it comes to Paul
Aww thank you anon! Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol). So I really, really needed this. :)
Oh Paul vs/and the Exsis, it's quite a long one so buckle up.
Disclaimer: all of the people involved are essentially art kids/young adults who are famously the most exhausting people on the planet. Do not blame them for being dramatic, it's their natural state of being.
If we want to go into Paul and Klaus, we have to kind of start with the John, Paul and Stu. Now these three are a mess that's too big to go into here (though I have THOUGHTS about how Stu is utilised in the Beatles narrative that I'm more than happy to share if asked lmaooo). But in short(ish):
John and Paul had had an intense year and a bit of closeness. Then John meets Stu at art college.
John and Stu become c l o s e for many reasons (being peers, living together, similar artistic leanings + ego, Stu being a gentle guide to John, sharing art projects/poetry/long letters and feelings etc.) They became 'closer than two men' a friend had seen (remind us of anyone gang?). Most importantly, John could be open about his feelings with Stu in letters. If John had BPD which I subscribe too, I think Stu was his 'favourite person' and as Aunt Mimi said his 'special' and 'closest friend' from this period up until his death (though imho the transference back to Paul was starting prior to his death).
It's not clear what exactly happens as there's differing accounts but Stu uses his money to buy a new bass as John wants him to come to Scotland then Hamburg and play bass as he will 'look good'.
Paul doesen't like being relegated to the seat behind John and Stu when he used to sit next to John. He also isn't thrilled when he gets to Hamburg and not only does he get to sleep in the other room with just Pete but Stu cannot be arsed to play because he's hanging out with his hot new girlfriend Astrid (more on her in a sec). Our boy has spent a lot of money he doesen't have and given up on further education to be here and is jealous and annoyed.
Paul and Stu probably were friends and I think their mutual antipathy is overegged. HOWEVER, can't be denied that Paul is jealous of Stu and Stu is jealous of Paul (and getting flare-ups from increasing brain damage). John and Stu tease Paul and steal his money, Paul is mean to Stu (as are the others encouraged by John). Do I think John was playing games with both of them? Yup. They end up scuffling onstage because Paul said something about Astrid (not clear what, one account is that Paul said that Stu could borrow money off Astrid if he needed it which isn't really that bad a dig but who knows Yoko??).
Why is this dynamic important? Because it directly impacts the 'Exsis' (Klaus, Jurgen and Astrid's) group's relationship with Paul:
The Exsis were young artists living in Hamburg. They were artistic, cool, interesting and edgy. They were paramount in introducing the Beatles to cool new concepts, aesthetics and ideas. They also took themselves VERY seriously ie pretentious as all hell.
Astrid met Stu at Kaiserkeller and hit it off. They embarked on an all-consuming romance.
Letter from Stu to Astrid, c.1961
I've seen people say they were the proto-John and Yoko in terms of making their romance the whole world and influencing John years down the line and I can see that. With Astrid and Stu it's far more endearing though because they ARE young and the right age to have a relationship like that. Stu is popular with the Exsis in general and brings them into the Beatles group.
The Exsis didn't like or trust Paul. Astrid said later it was because Paul was 'too nice' which she herself admits is a ridiculous reason. The others also thought he was a bit of a show-off. It makes sense though if you're cool and edgy and want to stick it to the world to be sus about a guy being friendly show-off with seemingly no inner world. The other problem was a perfectly reasonable one imo, you're not going to like your friends frenemy who you don't connect with. Compound that with Paul not taking drugs as much as George or John and being in the other room and you begin to have a division.
Paul had been popular his whole life, like from what we know since-primary-school-popular. He had never been in this position before, let alone in a foreign country. I believe it became a bit of a brutal feedback loop. Paul's response to this type of behaviour consistently it to go more surface level, snide and passive aggressive. The natural response of any group with a designated 'ugh' person is to become more shady and exclusionary. The cycle continues and gets worse. Stu letters back home at this time says that in a shocking turn of events Paul is hated by everyone but Stu 'just feels sorry for him' (lmao OF COURSE you do Stu, its giving 'loathing' from Wicked lol). Klaus drew a lot of artwork of the early Hamburg Beatles that includes this highly unpleasant picture of Paul in 1961 which I think says a lot:
Klaus is also a musician and fancies himself a place on bass. When Stu leaves to pursue art, Klaus asks John if he could take over but John says that he thinks Paul is going to do it.
Klaus has later gone on to say that he thinks he was a better bass player for the Beatles' sound at the start and then Paul developed into being better for the group. It's one of those I cannot believe those words actually left your mouth and you are not deeply embarrased moments. But it's important to keep this desire and viewpoint in mind.
Klaus stays in touch with all of them and close to John and George, George especially. They visit Klaus on holiday in tenerife in early 60s and Klaus later draws the Revolver artwork.
This whole context of how they met and Hamburg is crucial and has to be taken into account when hearing Klaus' statements. Klaus and Paul started off with a lack of connection and with Paul on the outs, the Exsis got an incomplete view of Paul and an inaccurate snapshot of the Beatles dynamic overall. This is why when Klaus says 'Paul was always slightly apart from the others' and that 'divorce was inevitable' from early 60s we should remember that that is what Klaus is expecting to see as that's what he saw in Hamburg.
Klaus wanted to be the bass player (and was holding out hope to join a band with George and John in the 70s), was really close with George and suffers as many did with 'John Lennon aspiring boy bestie syndrome' (JABBS). Paul had what Klaus wanted and from the Hamburg experience, you could see why Klaus thought he might have an in and may have been jealous of this 'shallow' Paul of all people having the connection that he felt he should/could have with John and George. As with most sufferers of JABBS, he took John's side with everything, always refused to say any regrets about his involvement in How do you Sleep and thought Paul was fine with the song because 'he was even closer to John than [he] was. (Again Klaus to put yourself in that level of closeness with John that it's comparable to Paul is ???.) JABBS and its secondary condition PMIETGSH (Paul McCartney isn't even that good shut up) are virulent diseases that incapacitate sufferers objectivity and judgement, so it's fair to say that Klaus is a source you have to take with a pinch of salt on the early 70s period.
It seems that Klaus and Paul did get on a lot better the older they got (probably without the jealousy complication of George and John) and developed a sweet friendship. Here is Klaus' tribute to Paul for his 80th:
Here is the jam session he's talking about:
youtube
He now wants Paul to live in his house lmao so things have gotten warmer. But Klaus and Paul's dynamic is a great example of how and why natural bias, little jealousies and spats can consciously or subconsciously influence our internal narrative and why we need to be so careful about not taking one perspective as gospel.
#I have to say my stock in John and Stu tanked when I transcribed that text from their shared sketchbook and it was an anti-Semitic story#My overall take on Hamburg was that they were all annoying lol#thank you again anon :)#though one thing that this post has reminded me of is that as much as I do try my best#no one can ever be fully objective#so always take that into consideration when looking at my posts as well lol#klaus voormann#the beatles#hamburg days#Stu Sutcliffe#submarine postbox#anon#ask#ask me anything#Paul#George#John#never forget JABBS is a chronic infectious disease and a key factor in the Beatles historiography
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EVERMORE by taylor swift (feat. bon iver) — “and i was catching my breath, floors of a cabin creaking under my step. and i couldn’t be sure, i had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn’t be forevermore.”
my #swiftiegiftexchange2024 for @lovesickallovermybed!!!! 🫶🏽🫶🏽
#HIII HII HII how are you <3333 SO sorry for being slightly to the party but HII#i saw that you are currently recovering from surgery and i‘m wishing you all the best and =a faster recovery 💗💗 i hope you’re okay and#are feeling and getting much better every day 💗💗💗#i’m your anon swiftie and it was really nice to get to know you!! 🫶🏽 you’re super super talented and your gifs are so so STUNNING#it was such an honor to be your anon for this event and i had such a fun time making this !#i was SO excited when i saw that some of your favorite ts songs are evermore and idsb. really really sorry i didn’t have the time to make#something for both because my laptop went dead for sometime and i ended up only having the time to make this 😭#evermore the song is something i hold and cherish deeply in my heart too and it was something that has seen some of the worst of my days#and so i decided to do this song for your gift instead!#i can’t really gif much and couldn’t even try#because my laptop in which i had installed ps in went rip so i decided to make you this#(slightly messy sorryy) scrapbook of my view of the song! i tried to incorporate some of the descriptive lyrics and the objects mentioned i#the song and i hope you like it 😁!#and because i think evermore is also something that IS meant to be incredibly personal to the people that listen to it#i decided to include some photos (+added highlights on every lyric that has ever touched me which is almost everything as you can see 😭)#of some of my journal pages on which i rewrote the entire lyrics (except bon iver’s addition 😅) in ‘21 when the song meant to me the most!#i hope you're having a great dayy love 🫶🏽🫶🏽#SwiftieGiftExchange2024#taylor swift#tswiftedit#evermore#*my edits#nadine.mp3
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most wonderful girl named mold
#deliart#some might remember her from when i used to post on my personal twt#my sisters bunny whomst i consider my own. my childhood pet#she recently passed. she ended up being 12 which admittedly is very impressive for a rabbit#but she was so youthful and energetic that it came as a surprise still#no one did it like her. tried to kill me for a salami sandwich one time. kept trying to trip me when i was 14.#going outside first time in her life she just scented a dead toad immediately?? and every single strand of grass. all cats feared her#objectively the best animal to pet. no residue incredibly soft and actually had the scent of fresh rain.#and she enjoyed cuddles so much . youd think no animal has it all but she did#anyway its time to finish some artworks that have been lying around since foreverrrr
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Thank you for writing the (messy but neccessary) farcille breakdown. You handled it so wonderfully aaaaaaaah!! Like the other anon I was wondering how far "rock bottom" could get (because chapter 4 already felt pretty rock bottom) but. Yeah. That's pretty rock bottom, huh. The tragedy of loving someone but the other person not understanding <- this applies to both of them.
I think it was really neat how you flipped the question on who's reaching out to who with the academy flashback and the final scene with Namari, because... Marcille clinging onto Falin really is just a reversal of their academy days, isn't it? To everyone who met them after they reunited, it was always Marcille chasing after Falin, but to those who were at the magic academy, it was Falin chasing after Marcille. From picking flowers and berries to eat together, inviting Marcille out to see a play, and generally monopolizing her free time... I'm sure any of them would say the same thing as Namari, but in reverse. No wonder everyone thinks Marcille is just another friend to Falin. They weren't there to witness her pining /j. Idk!! I was rereading the chapter and the academy flashback girl was like "why do you hang off of Marcille so much" and I screamed to myself, "hey wait. HEY WAIT."
#asks#a little creature#im SO glad you pointed out how falin was the first to pine and chase but was discouraged#its a very very important part#i think a really common wlw experience is to internalize that first rejection forever#whether it came from the object of your affections or an outside observer#the first time you encounter disgust for what felt like just happiness and affection#it stays with you. it can turn into a cage for the rest of your life but what you dont realize is that#at some point youre strong enough to open the door for yourself and you have to be able to do it#ironically ive only been the perpetrator of this platonically#pushing away my friends and hurting them bc i didnt think that i mattered enough to affect them#romantically ive been mostly on the other end just begging a girl to meet me in the middle at the very least#because even if they feel intensely as i do its not fun to chase and chase and get nothing bc someone else in their past was cruel#so it dhsjjd shows up in my writing a lot#self loathing as a queer experience is almost universal. but are you able to stand up and grow beyond it? because you need to.#staying locked in your own head and never looking outwards is just another kind of selfishness#i dont always try to do it but lmao my writing almost always touches on this at least a little bit in various degrees as like#maybe my best attempt at a compassionate way of portraying this self-erasure as a kind of selfishness that needs to be addressed
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Red Hood Characterization
This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.
I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?
This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!
tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.
Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.
#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death#although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified#i really do think it was just about bruce#and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security#all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce#i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him#i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there#if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk#also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible#i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them#just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much#comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff#and try to form your own stances from there#because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given#jason todd#red hood#dc comics
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Finally made a Parapluesch OC, introducing Mama Oz ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#Parapluesch#Do I need to tag all of them? I don't want to so I won't lol#I can tag my original I guess :P#Mama Oz#She's based on this absolutely ridiculous and darling object I found at the same place I got my new-to-me video games haha#So apparently in the 60s this specific type of - magazine rack? in the shape of a kangaroo?? was made??#Ridiculous. So ostentatious. I fell in love immediately and had to make her into a Parapluesch#Like as soon as I laid eyes on her standing there I was like ''Oh you're from Die Anstalt'' - Instantly started filling in her backstory#Mama Oz's deal is your classic Stages of Grief - in her case from losing a child#Since she's a plush she never had an actual baby but she lost Her Child if you get me - she stopped being played with#And so she projects that grief onto others and adopts them in an attempt to get Her Child back#Except if this new relationship isn't within that framework then she rejects it and goes to the next one#She doesn't really realize that she's inconveniencing them by trying to adopt them and limiting herself from forming lasting connections#Not allowing change or growth - stagnating and trying to reclaim something lost#One of my favourite parts of Die Anstalt is that each of them is shown to have flaws#They still need and are deserving of help! But their uglier symptoms aren't shied away from#Dolly and Lilo use self-harm as a coping mechanism#Sly is shown to seek out the high at times and be short and destructive#Dub takes pride in his overwork#Kroko is surly and prickly#Don't even get me started on Dr. Wood lol#So it's fun to imagine what Mama Oz would be doing to - even by accident! - harm herself or others#The whole point of helping them is for them to become their best most comfortable selves :D#I also think what's especially funny is that I've been Meaning to make a Parapluesch OC for /years/ now#I always planned for it to be a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis since that's in the DSM and I had a design and route planned and everything#No. Kangaroo magazine rack. Okay#Lol
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The rise of "let people enjoy things" is single handedly the backbone of the rise of anti intellectualism
#i need to talk about this#disclaimer : im beyond terrible at putting my point across#so with that being said let me attempt at it#let's take look at the hate and misogyny women receive for liking a certain genre of books#that is so often simply countered with let people enjoy things#but we cannot let that narrative take over a whole as if critical thinking is “bad”?#booktok has made it so that disliking a popular books makes you the person with the superiority complex who should just let people enjoy-#-things#but when did criticizing actively target audiences who like that peice of literature? When did that become the narrative?#its all mindless consumption without a second thought to the actual material which can easily be credited to the tropification of books#the enemies do turn into lovers and the best friends do fall in love 10 years down the line#classifying books into tropes and then fulfilling that promise gives books an illusion of being “good” since it checks those boxes-#-that the reader picked up the book for in the first place#the act of reading has kind of been substituted by the act of being a reader and just owning stacks of books#we have turned away from any form of analysis or criticism#if it scratches the itch then its automatically the perfect book without further thought#i cant help but contribute the mere existence of that “itch” to how mordern books are classified into tropes with set plotlines#intelligenctualism is almost always looked at as elitism#reading only classics doesn't make you an intellectual individual but looking at any book with a critical lens may it be a classic or a rom#-com does#criticizing certain aspects of your absolute favorite books is intellectualism and not bullying people who like anything but classics#that distinction is so far lost in translation that talking about how a popular book is objectively bad is being a “hater”#well then im a hater#this is not a hate post for people who actively enjoy booktock or the more popular books#im just trying to introduce any amount of nuance into the conversation thats all#i can honestly go on forever but i think ill end my ranting here#literary criticism#literature#books#anti intellectualism
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the journey of gordon juniperus gresley (and still ongoing)
#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#ttte gordon#senjart#casa tidmouth#casa tidmouth act 2#my everything. godddd I love him so so much#he's like. objectively the best character in the whole series#also I think he and scott were really close as kids#esp. with only one year age difference and how scott continuously supported him despite their family's situation#(imo their rivalry in tgr was one sided from gordon's part. scott's just balling while gordon still wants to overpass him)#like ok. I know this is a post about gordon but I think scott needs some appreciation with how he prioritizes his brother over himself#bro's probably emotionally devastated too with losing his siblings and father. but he still has his little brother#gordon probably felt like he owes scott a lot. but he's bad at words (ALL gresleys are) and he has his own set of problems SOOOOOO#and gordon. even though he lost so many people in his life he still keeps on going. he never gives up because-#-despite how much he complaints and boasts about himself he firmly believes that things will eventually turn out okay for him#aggresive optimist. something like that? you get what I'm trying to say#like a coworker would say ''this is hopeless'' and gordon would just say ''you're being ridiculous''#anyways enough of me talking. I wanna draw scott's and gordon's railway show designs BUT WHEN? LET'S SEE#(crying at little gordon. it shows from his eyes that he has no idea what's about to happen to him)
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sigh. should i get back into jegulus
#im feeling left out 😞#avid enjoyer of shan and lauries jeggy always tho#i just………… ’brothers best friend’ trope is my least favorite trope in the world#<— convinced the majority of jeggy enjoyers are younger siblings#NO SHAME !! i objectively understand why people love the trope#i just.. generally am not a fan of reg integrating with the marauders….. like get him away from there…#for HIS sake#but. maybe i’ll read some fics again. try to get back into it.#Hm#they’re just so uninteresting to me!!!!!!!#ive read jeggy fics that i love and like. i dont Hate them#im just not. very intrigued by their dynamic 😞#and i also pathetically think im just too protective of sirius lmao
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no really there is a special kind of academic grief when your classes are fascinating, they present interesting challenges, your homework is stimulating, fun to do, and you feel good when you get it done, your classmates are kind and fun and have so much interesting shit to say.
but you're wayyy busy spending your time 50% trying to be the best potted plant your parents have ever owned 50% blasting your brain with endless stimulation lest you start crying and hitting yourself because you had an unpleasant thought.
#ngl it was extremely hard in the first few weeks like socially and regarding the working environment#(2000 students in a building that's Not That Big is awful i wanted to rip my ears off)#but i deeply miss having FUN during exams#listen. is it fun to be at 8am sharp in the exam hall? no.#was it a fun feeling last year to hang the whole trajectory of my life and education on 5 exams? no.#but they were fun i was having a good time i really liked constructing my point throughout the paper#i'm dogshit at it but it doesn't matter the point was that i was having fun and practicing and improving#now i work half an hour out of four being extremely slow at making the worst plan i've ever made in my life#and then the lethargy takes me and i sleep standing straight in my chair the whole three hours that i have left#awful#the whole point of picking a cursus with a lot of classes and a lot of homework was to escape my parents#that since they value academics and my dad went to the same cursus when he was young therefore they'd know it takes a lot of work#that they'd leave me alone and they wouldn't keep feeding into the fucking compulsions or whatever the fuck they are#but NO no again it's clear that no matter how much time i spend with them how much i center my whole life around them and their routine#it's never enough it's never enough to earn myself some peace#their way is the objective Good and Comfortable way to live and deviating from it must mean i'm wicked and sad and i'm failing and them too#no matter how clear i have tried my best to be on the many occasions i've told them THIS IS SOMETHING I DON'T LIKE AND DO FOR YOUR SAKE#i was more independant when i was younger and everybody told me it was wrong it was weird i was just a wittle baby who needed mommy#i didn't earn this independance#now i'm trying my best to please them and comply with what they want. except what they tell me they want they don't want apparently.#and it doesn't earn me any independance either#broadcasting my misery#vent
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I made a meme do you leik it :)
#i am SUFFERING out here#i have a presentation and essay for one module a presentation for another module and an object to make with a 1000 word explanation??#for another module all due within the next two weeks#and i am unable to get out of bed 👍🏻#fantastic timing dont you think#theres been trouble with my antidepressents so im off those too which ahahahahah doesnt help#and i cant got to the doctors for them cause ill have to fight for it and then that will give them reason to not give me testosterone in#december when im due to get it cause im 'unstable' and my doctors surgery isnt very fond of me starting anyway#im not about to give them a reason to stop me from getting the perscription#so ive just got to fucking raw dog life for the first time since i was 16 how great#no i cannot complete these very important assignments that count towards my degree im trying not to throw myself into oncoming traffic soz#and also trying to manage to feed myself and perhaps leave my bedroom for a total of five minutes at least a day#this has not been entirely achievable but yk im doing my best 😀👍🏻#depressive episode#did any of yall see those two girls with a podcast that said i love my mental illness it makes me who i am#because i think about those two far too often and im so glad everyone was in the comments so much so they deleted the video lmfao cause bro#depression#can suck my dick#in a bad way
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After being friends with Grian for so long, and then getting used by him (in a sense), does everyone get a form of whiplash when the void patrol find Grian? Like hermitcraft and Scott and Martyn and so on reunite with Grian and realise that this entire time they've known him he's been suffering and suicidal?
Theres definitely a lot of varied reactions to Grian's situation. I dont feel like i can accurately generalize any one type of reaction though, since everyone has such different and complex feelings-- but i do think its safe to say everyone at least pauses at learning Grian's been starving this entire time.
I think its also safe to say theres a bit of universal weight there in that pausing. Thats a real scary thing to just discover, yknow?? Even the people who are still furious at him are gonna at least feel a fraction of that weight, although what they do with those feelings is definitely going to differ from person to person
#shouting speaks#asks#grian#watcher grian#hermitcraft#traffic series#hunger au#some people are going to be more sympathetic than others#hence my word choice of ''weight'' and not ''horror''#i try to choose my words carefully bc like. i want to kinda honor that?? if that makes sense???#smth really big for me in hunger au is respecting each characters' feelings in the narrative#and not punishing or demonizing them#we're getting the story from grian's pov yeah but as a narrator i am doing my best to be objective in my portrayals#idk smth smth im seeing all sides of the story and while im conveying it thru grian's pov#which means an inherent level of subjectivity#i can still indicate in certain ways that each person's individual feelings deserve respect#idk i think a lot#txt
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i understand that the experience of feeling like a prey animal is very common on this website but i just am not very sure what you all mean. you're an apex predator? your body is a weapon. you can kill the vast majority of living creatures with you bare hands. what are you afraid of? i hope one day you realize how easy it is to make people blush
#i assume most of the fear revolves around “what if they get mad at me” or ultimately “what if they reject me” but the intensity of this fear#is broadly - i can't help but think - dependent on placing other people's judgement over your own. it also seems to be dependent on#having a skewed understanding of what is appropriate behavior. especially in terms of what is appropriately proportionate to a given#situation.#if you say “that actually hurt my feelings” and are met with blame or aggression.... you are seeing a red flag. instead of believing this#person is somehow right#the thing to do in this kind of situation is to think of what - objectively - would be a normal reaction. if you are having trouble parsing#what that might be#try outsourcing it from a level-headed friend. you can tell how level headed someone is by the lack of drama in their life.#this is all to say... i hope everyone who feels like prey on this website is able to learn how to see harmful behavior and think#“okay... anyway”#and move on. you don't need to blow up. you don't even need to bite back. you don't need to get revenge. genuinely the best response to#harmful behavior is all too often just kind of going “uhh. what the fuck lol. anyway...” and moving on.#also you CAN turn someone into a flustered blushing mess with a well placed laugh. that's part of the lesson. you'll understand one day
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saw a living oriole irl for the first time today!
#it was a female orchard oriole#i even sucessfully photographed it#at least kinda#definently not my best photo but for a 15 second first time sighting of a small passerine im happy with it#but yeah i had a very fun time watching birds today#there was a common grackle that kept coming back to this wet piece of bread#i couldnt find an angle i liked unfortunately but i got some decent stuff i think#it was interesting tho bc there were quite a few of the species where i was watching#but it was only that one individual that took interest in the bread#i could tell it was the same one bc he had a scar around his neck :(#i wonder if he had gotten tangled in some fishing line at some point and at some point the fishing line was removed#bc none of my photos looked like there was any fishing line around his neck currently#he might have been a rehabbed and released bird#but yeah i really wish the fishers at the park i birdwatch at would bc more careful about leaving their lines out#idk the terminology lol#but they tend to be pretty haphazard about it :(#im kind of worried bc rusty blackbirds frequent the park and theyre a vulnerable species#fortunately theyre only around for winter/early spring so not during the majority of the fishing but still#i try to clean it up when i can#one time there was an american robin caught in a loose fishing line and i was able to get it out#unfortunately i did not have scissors or any other sharp object on me so i wasnt able to do it with much precision#when it was able to fly off it had some fishing line hanging from its feet still which is unfortunate but its better than the alternative#i wanted to run to the store and buy some scissors but i didnt want to leave it unattended in such a vulnerable position for any length...#...of time#but yeah clean up after yourselves when youre out in nature#even if its just an urban/suburban park like that
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im very fond of jn for a lot of reasons but honestly i think just the main character dynamics are iconic. like ash is ash, who cares. but goh and chloe are objectively hilarious characters, theyre practically made for a sitcom. my gay best friend who only befriended me because of my dad (but not in a gay way, in a nerd way…probably) but despite hating being associated with my dad’s work this somehow worked, because he was like a kicked puppy left out in the rain and i felt bad for him. and weirdly he doesnt actually seem to define me by my father’s work at all, which on a deep level i appreciate even if we never talk about it. and then even by the end of the show shes like, to ash, hey…you know you were goh’s first friend right? that’s a big deal to him. you should give him a little grace. maybe even go talk to him about being a stupid idiot. (read: so *i* dont have to.) like do you get what im saying. the dynamic is unparalleled as far as im concerned. tbh the reason why the writers were so scared of chloe especially in early jn is simply that their relationship was too chaotic to fully explore on-screen. they had to give them other friends and rivals first to soften the effect and distract us from how unhinged their history actually is
#taylor.txt#and i say probably not because the alternative is chloes got a hot dad but because its like#hey my parents suck can i borrow yours? but im no authority on dilfs so what would i know…#its like ‘popular girl and her closet gay bestie’ turned up to 11 idk#tangentially do you notice how theyre actually both try-hards in different flavours…the does a million things vs has to be best at One Thing#and then you throw ash in and at this point hes still got the Aura of cringefail loser but hes actually etremely accomplished#like honestly? aside from paul idk when else anipoke ever gave me such an objectively Funny character as chloe or goh
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god remember jake marshall. from rfta
#wind howls#in the ace attorney playthru my friends and i are doing we are now onto rise from the ashes#i think we stopped still on the first day of the trial. the worst is yet to come and im very excited about it.#genuinely one of the few cases in ace attorney that actually made me feel some sort of dread and fear by the end of it when i played it#im voicing jake and also angel starr bc its funny. im trying to make jake sound american to the best of my non american abilities#and angel starr i gave her an uninterested cafeteria lady voice. maybe not original but im having fun#that on top of already voicing thr judge i love voicing the judge so much. i gave him my best goofy impression hes a blast to voice#who else did i voice. i voiced yani yogi. gave him a throaty voice. occasionally i do larry when nobody else wants him (i dont either)#who else is there in the game. OH OH will powers i voiced him. also wendy oldbag her voice fucked me up BAD#before my friend darin joined us i also voiced gumshoe but since then darin took the role and his impression is a lot more fun hehe#voicing characters in a visual novel is so much fun you guys. if you can gather up pals and have someone play the game for the first time-#definitely recommend giving out silly voices. especially if they have rare voiced lines in the game#you cannot imagine the absolute glee i felt when darin gave manfred von karma his youtuber Fred impression. only to hear is objection later#and realizing his voice is actually the deepest in the fucking game. it was so fucking funny i lost my whole mind it was awesome#anyway. game is fun#ghost trick is also a fun game ive seen get voiced by groups of friends. definitely recommend playing that one in a group as well
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