#like i KNOW a lot of my mutuals have some of these things on a dream bucket list and im over here like
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i moved from a city i loved and had found community in to where i live now, six years ago. i have friends here that i love and see often, but i miss the sense of feeling rooted to a place, knowing what’s going on around me, having regular places i go, having those connections with strangers that aren’t friendships but you’re not in separate bubbles, either.
my plan for next year is to join groups: one for fitness, one for community service, and one for a hobby.
for fitness, there’s an archery place near me that i want to try, and if that doesn’t turn out to be very social, i’ve also encountered LGBTQ+ hiking groups in the area, so i may sign up for one of those
for community service, i’m looking at some organizations that do food pantries and homelessness advocacy. i’m not able-bodied enough to do a lot of labor, but one place requires minimum one shift per month, so that could be a good start. also on the lookout for mutual aid groups i could help, get to know neighbors better
for hobby, maybe a writing group, maybe some painting thing. there’s a craft shop that seems to have some cool social stuff going on, if its location isn’t a complete no-go with traffic. we’ll see!
i’m not doing it to make friends, necessarily. (though it would be nice to.) i used to run this magazine for a specific community in my old city, and it really made me see how much connective tissue holds a place together, circulates knowledge and resources around, and overall gives people a sense of belonging instead of isolation. i haven’t had that, in those six years that zoomed by like a train, and i miss it.
Thanks, Anon!
-submit your poll!-
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I'm so happy and wanted to share. I write for a pretty small, dead ship whose heyday was probably about 2012 or so. Most of the creators have long since moved on to greener pastures. I'm mutuals with a lot of them still, but we do different things these days and it's okay! But I've stayed, and I'm writing a longfic au for the ship. It's SO self-indulgent (and kind of a random au), and I didn't know if anyone would even like it at all other than me, but I went for it anyways. I posted the latest chapter yesterday and got four comments within 24 hours (which, for my fandom, is GREAT, there's some ten year old fics for the ship with maybe, like, two comments.) One of the comments is 1.5K!!!! By a fellow creator and friend that I respect SO MUCH! I'm just having such a warm moment with my fandom and I needed to share somewhere. ❤️
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So if a Mel and Caitlyn pair up defeats a dictator and wins a war (at least the first part), a Vi and Jayce team up only ever kills kids or fucks up a mission, and l then what does a Jinx and Viktor pair do? What do the other options make?
Here are my ideas, ranking from best outcome to worst or what actually gets done.
Genuinely think a Viktor Mel pair (depending on if they both have some sort of magic) save the world. Both incredibly intelligent. Both caring but can’t be manipulated by emotions easily (influenced is a different story but damn when you’ve got a terminal illness or a dictator mom it’s hard being normal). However I think the arcane writers knew the team up would be too powerful. Also incredibly sexy. If they just had tea together once I think there would be no arcane story to tell.
Cait and Viktor. Not a lot getting done but if we’re thinking season 1 then it’s gonna be so nice and calm. They’re having tea. They’re planning our improvements for Zaun. A harp sings in the distance. They talk about Jayce. Caitlyn asks questions and listens to the answers and vice versa. World peace maybe not achieved but close.
Technically Jayce helped Cait free Vi and helped cover it up, as well as help her when Caitlyn tried explaining what was going on with Silco. Very even results. Nothing major changing here but typical for people who literally just bring out nothing in each other besides…friendship? Siblings? Idk.
Vi and Viktor would probably get along in the sense of they knew an older Zaun. (At least in comparison to Jinx.) Vi can be pretty gentle and Viktor definitely cares. Battle wise he ain’t gonna do much (the only time he really fought was when it wasn’t a good thing for anyone) but he’s bring the smarts to Vi’s streets. They’re gonna win the battle but it will be tough. Some lives may be lost but it ain’t theirs.
Mel and Vi….Vi does not like politicians. Vi does not like people from Piltover beyond Caitlyn (and maybe Jayce?) They argue the whole time. Nothing bad happens but nothing gets done. It’s mostly Vi’s fault but Mel can’t let it go. It’s been three days and they haven’t left the council room. It ends with the mutual agreement to never meet again.
Technically a Cait/Jinx pair saved Vi (after the commune) and also the conversation they had in the jail was actually civil. Don’t think a whole lot is getting done but a good battle buddies I think. There’s gonna be tension though. Lots of arguing and glares. Caitlyn’s hair is now orange and Jinx lost another finger. Lots more damage than necessary.
Mel and Jinx. Someone is dying. It might not be one of them but it’s definitely someone who shouldn’t be dead. Mel’s level-headedness barely works on Vi and it definitely won’t work on Jinx. She’s never had a younger sister. Jinx knows what buttons to push. The building is on fire.
Jayce and Jinx. Mostly everyone is dead except for Vi and Viktor somehow, or the exact reverse. They haven’t stopped arguing since they met. They just keep slapping each other like cats. Jayce keeps trying to hit her with the hammer but she’s elusive and it’s like a game of wack-a-mole. He kills a kid each time instead. Jinx won’t stop making fun of him. Someone lost a limb at some point.
Jinx and Viktor. Everyone is dead. I would say they are too but no, they’re stuck at the end of the universe with each other. It’s equally both their faults. Viktor deadnames her every time she insults him. She never stops and neither does he. They each have a shrine to their respective loved one and it’s the only places they don’t bother each other. She bleached half his hair. He poured out her nail polish. They fight till the end of time itself. Sometimes they have movie nights where their respective hallucinations (Silco, Sky) join.
#arcane#arcane spoilers#jayce talis#viktor arcane#mel medarda#jinx arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#headcanons#arcane headcanon#literally think that if Mel and Viktor had actually teamed up shit would get DONE#she’d help bring back his confidence to a more extroverted way#be like shout it from the rooftops babe stop making googly eyes at your lab partner#she’d actually get a better perspective on Zaun#but yeah I do think if Jinx and Viktor teamed up they would literally destroy the world#and you would never be able to tell if it was on purpose or not#literally they end the world and they still can’t stop arguing lmfao#Silco and Sky watching in the back of their minds like what on fucking earth is this#she’s like hey I killed you oops lmao and he’s like well I fucking assimilated your adoptive dad 1 and your sister so how bout that#rinse repeat till the end of time#arcane season 2
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This is scheduled to be posted at exactly midnight in my timezone, EST
Anndddddd now I’m doing this because I can, since it’s thanksgiving, this is my small way of showing thanks to my mutuals of whom I love dearly
I’ll probably schedule this post so that I don’t forget
To all of my mutuals/people I follow
You are all amazing people, people who even if I do not talk with a lot, I enjoy being your friends.. and I’m happy you’re here!
More detailed stuff under the cut for some friends ♥️♥️
Now just know these are the very very very small and short compressed versions, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT FOR WHEN I HAVE THE CHANCW TO DUMP THE WHOLE ESSAYS ON YALL!!
@lilithloves-you - the mutual of whom I know irl, I love ya, sis! You’re amazing, and you’ve always been here for me— I’m so sorry I unintentionally ghost like the majority of our roleplays- but just know I love you and I wish I could be anywhere near as cool as my big sis
@dia-smthidk DIAAAAA the fact you use ibis paint and your stuff looks so good inspires me to work more on it— you’re my silly little twin who I love very much and I shall give you platonic headpats
@neptunestoast You’re awesome! I’m so happy I met this silly blob, you’re so supportive and nice and you’re always checking in on me and others and shshsjsjsj you’re so nice and talentedddd
@bixell-pixell SILLY PERSON SILLY PERSON— very talented silly person who does amazing 3D stuff and is also funny and amazing- they are very talented and fun, they’re also good at art
@anxiouschoco SOMEHOW THEYRE GOOD AT BOTH TRADITIONAL AND DIGITAL ART AND FUCKING ANIMATING??? GURL YOURE AWESOME
@gummy-axolotl One of my older friends who ended up becoming my friend because of silly things I wrote, I’m happy I met them! Even if I don’t talk much with them, it’s nice to see them having fun and just being them
@ark-fork COOL ADULT, cool adult that apparently some people are afraid of, but I am apparently the alarm clock for bedtime for them/silly anyways they’re so talented and have taken some of my shitty ideas for designs and- aa— they’re fun
@candy-ac3 jzjsjs Hrgh I barely talk to you ever but aaaaaa I love you and your stories, I hope you’re still doing good on others and your stuff is awed on and dear lord you’re silly/pos
@creativehomicide I BARELY EVER INTERACT WITH THEM BUT LIKE THEYRE ONE OF THE REASONS I JOINED TUMBLR BC LIKE I SAW THAT THEY USED IT AND I COULD EASILY SEE MEDKA I LIKED
@iguessimfished I still question why cool people like this are friends with me but anyways- they’re fun! I love all fish’s silly little stories, and at least this shows me I ain’t the only one with like fifteen thousand stories
@moshieee One of my first actual ‘friends’ I met on tumblr, I met them through another creator, and I saw h their traditional art and got inspired! I thought this was an all digital art world and my traditional stuff would be seen as crude and unwanted, because at that point I hadn’t seen any other traditional art at that point��� but they inspired me, and now we’re like really good friends! I’m unintentionally on their same brainwave a lot
@nightmaretherabbit urgh I barely interact with them but their Fnaf stuff is cool, it’s awesome, they have cool art and stories
@onimusha095 silly little dude, very silly, I like hearing the stories and such, even if we don’t talk much, I enjoy talking with you
@picturejasper20 Yeah I barely talk to you either but- I see you around and I enjoy parallel playing with someone who has such good ideas and I also just LOVE seeing them around-
@randompony03 another one of the first people I went onto tumblr for, I loved their au stuff and I found them later on in tumblr, but I still enjoy seeing their art around!
@rayofmisfortune met them through Danny phantom aus, and even if we also don’t talk as much, I love seein em! I know you’re taking a break from media right now, and good for you! I hope you’re doing well :>
@unfunnyaceartist amazing person who I unintentionally charmed into being my platonic wife, she’s not online right now and can’t be here right now, but I love her! Even if she ain’t perfect, I’m happy to struggle through life at the same time as her, we’ve got some issues in common.. and I’m happy I can help someone who’s struggling through similar things as me
@vexation-816 I also really liked his traditional art! Before we even met, I always liked his art and ideas, he’s nice and I’m so happy I’ve been able to see his stories and things evolve into much more than they were before
@yunfox00 LITTLE SIS!! You’re awesome and you can do things like edits and animating stuff and AA it’s so good, and you’re perfect the way you are, anyone who judges you is a DUMBASS and they can talk to the complaints department *holds up trash can with “complaints department” written on it*
@pink-pkmn-trainer You’re also an awesome little sis! It’s nice to see you around, it’s especially sorta comforting to see another writer since like I feel like I’m more of a writer than an artist.. though you’re also just cool in general
@chaos-ace you’re just nice and fun! I love how you add into our stuff, and I like seeing your art, it’s nice to see your comments on things, and I really admire your sense of justice!!
@theautumnaldemon YOURE FUN AND A GAY LITTLE GUY/aff/silly I barely talk to you but you’re REALLY fun and talented like holy shit what
Nerfyyyyyy @ner5y I barely talk to you but like I enjoy you being here. It’s funny to watch the odd panda bear and their robotic sibling be silly— also they’re so fucking talented like the ART THEY MAKE?? HELLO??? WHO FUCKING GAVE YOU THE RIGHT TO BE THAT TALENTED???
@schnee-gheist I haven’t talked much with you since I stopped doing as much Danny phantom stuff but- I enjoy seeing you around and seeing your work! You’re very fun to talk to and your stories are amazing!!
And… even you. Yes, the person, or people, I really.. really wish I could fully hate. Even if I dislike you.. I can’t hate the memories. You helped me find great people, even if I can’t like you for my own personal reasons, my own stubborn prideful reasons.. I can’t change how much your actions or words have personally hurt me, but, I appreciate the time we had together, the memories, and the people we’d met through each other.
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Ok so we have DILF!Gale thanks to @avonne-writes and I love him to bits but this au made me think: what about DILF!John?
Single dad John who split with his wife/girlfriend (I'm thinking amicably but it also could've been rough) because things weren't going well anymore but they have a kid and John just loves being a father, he's a proud owner of a "Best Dad in the World" mug and all that.
So he's juggling coparenting a young child and trying to get some kind of social life back now that he's single, and maybe Curt invites him some place one night and he meets Gale.
Gale who's been with Marge for years before coming to terms with his homosexuality and is now rejecting anything that reminds him of a traditional relationship, like marriage and especially children.
Gale and John hit it off right away, and maybe John doesn't explicitly state that he has a kid but keeps referring to them (the decision wether it's a boy or a girl is still pending but I'm thinking girl) with funny nicknames and Gale can't picture John as a father so he just assumes John's talking about his dog — he know he has one because he's showed him pictures, while he didn't show him his child because he's very cautious about that stuff.
So they start hanging out, they have sex a few times, and the thing progresses well so after a while they decide to bring their relationship to the following step; for John, it means introducing Gale and his child.
Gale almost has a heart attack when he finds out John has a child ("How could you not know?? I talk about them all the time!" "You called them my sweet potato how was I supposed to know you were talking about your child and not your dog?!") and at first he backs the hell up because it's not that he doesn't like children, they're nice, but he doesn't want to have one. And being with John would mean have a child too and it's just too much for him right now.
Cue to lots of mutual pining, John's assumption that he cannot be loved (yeah he's always a drama queen), Gale's realization that he can have a family if it's with someone he loves (yeah he's always a bit dumb with feelings)... all that and more, until a happy ending is reached!
Thoughts?
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never tell anyone anything ever. never tell anyone anything again.
Escapism.
summary: you’re in her friend group. you two have been close for months and you slowly fell in love with her more and more. you suspected the feeling was mutual because of how attached she was, how she behaved like you two were together, until tara began detaching and avoiding you, not showing up for you nor your friends anymore…
category: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff at the end.
warnings: swearing, idk if my writing is good sorry if it disgusts you, avoidant attachment everywhere, venting, alcohol usage, smoking, dissociation (r doubts she’s alive). portrayals might not be 100% canon. might not be completely proofread. there are mentions of tara’s trauma with amber and some behaviors she has because of it.
word count: 4,9k.
A/N: first fanfic, kinda nervous. i hope everything is okay and some people are going to like this. ethan and quinn aren’t ghostfaces in here, but the group knows they’re siblings, anika isn’t dead, and they’re all still in the friendgroup with the core four. ghostface isn’t present. tara is a bit of a emo who actually lags and denies everytime she feels emotions here. Error 404 kinda thing, but as the fanfic continues she gets better.
you are settled on the couch, your body sinking into the soft, cold, and miraculously still clean cushions, their fabric feels good against your skin, making your muscles relax. you could hear the voices of other people overlapping each other furiously, and smell the scent of alcohol, coca-cola and tobacco mix in the air.
you inhale just because you need to, you didn’t appreciate such strong smells, but you could handle it. you always handled it.
the room is large, but not too overcrowded, making the party feel a little bit less dangerous.
groups of friends are chatting around you, some people are dancing, you could catch some of the guests kissing or directly, shamelessly, making out, the sounds of their lips meeting, their spit, and everything else almost makes you nauseous.
the dim and warm hues of the lights are hitting you and the others, and the music in the background isn’t too loud, but loud enough to set the atmosphere and make people move to the rhythm of the sweet, animated music.
you luckily aren’t alone: sam, chad, mindy, quinn and anika were around you, on the couches, making short and light conversations. not everyone in the group was in the mood for partying, like sam, who was blankly looking at the ceiling, jaw clenching sometimes. you can see especially chad go around and try to flirt with some people, entertaining himself after the disappointment he had with tara. unrequited love always hurts, and you know it all too well. he isn’t the only one disappointed.
mindy and anika are creating the conversations mostly, quinn following them and playing their game every time, ethan, instead, her brother, is extremely silent, looking around like a lost puppy who couldn’t understand how to have fun. he always has been so weirdly shy.
you are lost in your thoughts, until anika talks again. « oh! have y’all seen tara? sam, any news? » before tara’s older sister could talk, chad opened his mouth. « she didn’t even show up tonight…weird. » « yeah, she hasn’t been around lately. didn’t even text back these days. i sent her a message about tonight’s party and she left me on seen…rude » mindy explains, looking at the ground, crossing her arms. you can hear a hint of anxiety in her voice.
« i mean, she has been through a lot- » ethan talks, surprisingly, but his sister interrupts him. « it’s not like her to disappear like that, but…i dunno. » she shrugs, now fidgeting with her fingers, suddenly serious again.
you drown in your bitter thoughts again, as you hear the others talk. their sentences a echo in the room of your fears and your indescribable confusion, making you feel slightly hazy even though no alcohol is flowing in your veins.
« y/n? » quinn calls for you, but you don’t reply, completely zoned out. « y/n… » another time, and this time you look at her, frowning as to invite her to go ahead and say what she needs to say. « when was the last time she replied to you? » she asks, and you grab your phone to check the chat. you scroll up, because ten or more messages were sent by you during those days where she fully disappeared. a worried you. a worried you that was still there, lingering, being the skeleton of your essence. « two weeks ago. »
and the question was asked to everyone else in the friend group: they all hadn’t heard from her since a week ago. they stare at you, and your breath hitches in annoyance and paranoia, as you are the center of the worst type of attention possible. you were sure it was your fault, you probably said something that made her get icky and disgusted, like always. you softly tremble in your seat as they discuss how, maybe, something was going on with you, and then sam talks, interrupting the endless, useless gossip that was gravitating in the air.
« can i talk, now? » she asks, crossing her arms tightly on her chest, head tilting slightly. ethan nods, and she continues her sentence. « she’s okay, just stressed. she’ll return. » her posture was tensed, her jaw just persistently clenched every time she’d close her mouth. you knew something was up, you knew she knew. anika sighs, and everyone nods, except you.
as the context of the conversation shifts, making the previous calmness of your friends come back, you stay there, you remain where everyone was investigating heavily on the girl you always loved.
you just felt the urge to cry: she’s so dear to you, the love you feel is like an eternal explosion, butterflies rising and falling inside your stomach, a soft hand grasping your heart: her hand. when you first started liking her, everything was smooth, like an oiled surface. the feelings were unspoken, no kiss was given, but, oh, how her eyes would sparkle every time you entered the room, every time you joined a conversation, every time you simply passed by.
her cheeks flushed, her softness being between your hands, she was malleable and weak for how much she seemed to care about you but you loved her the way she was. her hands loved to be in your hair, or on your cheeks, her fingers would perfectly interlock with yours, and her arms found comfort encircling your waist or neck.
but, still, at some point, she chose to act like you were dead, like right now.
are you dead? you aren’t sure, you can bet that your heart is beating still. you try to re-focus on your friends, whom you hear giggling in the background, giving one another the entertainment they needed in a similar party.
« so…what’s up with that guy you fucked, quinn? » mindy teases, giggling afterward, making the others gasp. quinn squints her eyes, you see it as a little detail that you actually appreciated about her. but, god, if she, sometimes, was annoying. especially when you were in tara’s apartment and you could hear continuous moans in the background while you were trying to have a normal conversation with tara, or with sam.
« huh, we text here and there…he’s fine, i guess. » she shrugs, like nothing was important, like he was just a passenger, someone that existed in her space just to satisfy her stupid needs once, and then disappeared. « no second date? you’re slippin’, quinn » chad jokes, raising an eyebrow, a hint of startle on his face. sam, instead, wasn’t surprised at all. « no. i’d say i prefer variety. »
« what a shame, anika and i were searching for a couple to go to a double date with. » mindy affirmed, anika nodded in agreement, a little pout painted on her face.
you think about how sweet it would be, to go on their double date bringing tara with you. maybe you would end up in a lousy fast food, or maybe an elegant, cozy restaurant with all her favorite dishes. you sighed, shaking your head softly as you looked around. you gazed at sam again, she was lazily scrolling through her phone, always serious and tensed up.
you get closer to her, whispering, as everyone else is distracted. « …did i do something? ». tara’s older sister looks up at you, and you see her turning off her phone as she pushes the tip of her tongue against the inside of her cheek. she takes a deep breath before replying. « no, she’s just…complicated. » she looks around almost as if she could be there, secretly listening to your conversation. « it’s not just you. give her space. »
you stare around, still disoriented, if not more than before. you decide to get up and walk towards the table that holds bottles of beer, pouring yourself a cup and tasting the bold, cold bitterness while it fills your mouth and goes down your throat, bringing you relief. you drink a little bit more before everything gets destroyed by something that you didn’t exactly expect.
you see tara, the friend group slowly walking closer to her, and you do the same thing, still holding the plastic cup, now as warm as your palm.
« hey, you made it. » her sister awkwardly says, waving a hand, and tara would just softly nod and wave her hand back. « WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? » mindy screams and tara giggles, the nervousness was clear, she was avoiding eye contact with every single person in front of her like it would be a potential danger, like it would make the plague come for her body and soul. « we thought you went full hermit mode, dude. »
« i…didn’t think so many people would come. » tara murmured, looking down. felt off, like a withered rose, a rotten fruit, a bleeding pomegranate. tara looks at you, a strange spark in her eyes. you glance at her back, hesitantly, and you feel like death isn’t so bad, suddenly. you are hoping someone would show their guns and threaten everyone to have no mercy upon them in that exact moment. but no one saves you, saviors don’t exist, you remind yourself.
« hi. » she murmurs, forcing a smile.
« hi. » you reply, showing the palm of your free hand, waving it slowly, just a lazy move. she nods and goes away, showing a lack of interest in any sort of interaction between her and the group. they remain skeptical, and you just walk away again, gulping down every single drop of the drink you had in your cup.
a hour passes. you spend it by secretly glancing at tara, or at least trying to, since every time you would set your eyes on her, she would catch the opportunity to make creepy, long-lasting eye contact with you. you hate it, you hate it because you blush, and you can’t help but feel embarrassed by the slight, useless attention she gives you with so much nonchalance. after this, she is surely not going to talk to you again, you think.
the lights that once made you comfortable inside a house you barely knew the owner of, now make you irrevocably disturbed. too intense, too blinding, they would get in the way as you tried to understand what tara was doing, but it actually wasn’t much: talking to sam, looking around, scrolling on the phone, and grabbing drinks.
nothing to see. but everything to think about: many questions would torture your mind, and make your soul beg to leave your body at once. but what did you do? what made tara so distant? is it actually you that is the problem?
you stare at her again. this time, she was talking with mindy and anika, her expression cold, blank, like emotions were nothing to her but ants she could step on and kill with no hesitancy. she shook her head at them, and then looked behind them, at you. her big, brownish eyes scan you, her lips are slightly parted and her expression always neutral, but somewhat altered by something else, looking almost dubious or...scared?
you are the one that breaks eye contact, grabbing a pack of cigarettes that was hidden in the pocket of your jeans, going out of the party, not talking to anyone anymore. you feel too dizzy, too bothered, to even function properly, to even talk to someone without crumbling in a million pieces. you feel almost miserable, too. you have been desperately chasing something that, clearly, wasn’t meant for you.
she doesn’t love you, does she? your gaze hardens as you light up a cigarette with your lighter, looking at the emptiness of the dark night sky, the stars are barely visible and it was saddening. maybe you are like that to tara, too: barely visible, and not worth squinting her eyes for.
you are just a fainting star for her and it destroys you. when are people going to figure out you exist? you breathe, you are alive, are you not? are you dead?
you put your free hand on your chest, searching, looking desperately for the beat of your heart. as you find it you exhale loudly, and your hand becomes a clenched fist.
you feel it, why doesn’t anyone else feel it, too? you grab with force your cell phone from your pocket, scrolling through your new notifications fast, not even glancing at them with great attention. chad asked where you were, mindy called you. it meant nothing. you opened tara’s chat, scrolling up, gazing at the messages you two would send each other.
you smile bitterly, as the phone lights up your face, which was wholly taken by nostalgia.
a month ago
tara 💗: can u come over rn??
you: i don’t know, are quinn and sam around?
tara 💗: no
tara 💗: please? we needa watch the movie we talked about :)
you: alrrrr, coming
memories flash in front of your eyes, her apartment and the sweet scent of hers, the popcorns, her adorable giggles that would give you a reason to exist. you inhale deeply, your lips wrapped around the cigarette, and you almost choke on it as you hear tara’s voice.
« throw that cigarette. » direct, almost mocking, and you don’t look her way, avoiding to even acknowledge the fact she is talking to you. really a coward thing to do. you exhale the smoke, and you watch it get lost in the fresh air of the night.
as you get the cigarette’s orangish butt close to your lips, you feel a hand blocking your wrist, the other grabbing the cigarette by the white casing wrapping around the burning tobacco. you watch the youngest carpenter hurl the item on the ground, putting it out by smashing the heel of her shoe against it with great force, looking at you.
« what the fuck? » you mutter, your cheeks slightly red. is it the alcohol or her presence making you react like that? her cologne was slowly dominating the scent that the cigarette was producing, filling your nostrils, your lungs. you would exhale with great hesitation, aching for the perfume you missed for days.
you, in a rush, turn off the phone, putting it inside your pocket again. your chest feels heavy, your breathing is irregular and you can’t grasp again the control you had before checking the past messages.
« smoking is bad. » tara hisses, and you raise you eyebrows, skeptical by the reaction she has. impressed also by how smoothly she came, how you didn’t notice for not even a moment someone was lurking. you reply, your voice cracking mid-sentence, making you melt in shame: « also alcohol is bad, but i saw you drink with no shame tonight. »
« you did, too. » « so if i smash my head against the wall you’re gonna do it too? »
silence.
you take a deep breath, avoiding watching her in the eyes, you just can’t. confusion is even more marked now, and you bite your lower lip trying to take some of the frustration out of you, but it lingers still, it haunts you totally.
you feel played, like a light that gets continuously turned on and off. now she shows she cares, turning on that light, but those two weeks when the light was off? what did they mean? you can ask her, you have her right in front of you, and the alcohol, somehow, makes you bold, a brave girl confronting the cause of her fears.
« why did you disappear? why was i the first you ran away from? » you question with a shaky voice, and you see her expressionless face falter, turning into something more confusing. is the spark in her eye sadness, or something else?
silence, again. for a few moments, she just watches, as if she didn’t have a voice, as if she was trying to communicate everything telepathically to you.
then, she talks.
you see her hesitate, remain with her lips parted longer than needed, and you wonder what was she trying to cover. « why do you care? i’m here now, so. » she hints a giggle, you know tara is actively trying to ease the tension, somehow. but she’s failing, because your expression hardens more, your eyebrows furrow. « are you serious? » you almost bark.
you slowly feel the anger knock at the door of your throat, wanting to come out. still, you bottled up. still, you swallowed down the loath. you force your gaze to soften. « why do i care? how do you- shit »
you take a step ahead, turning slightly towards the nothingness that is seated beside you and making your shoulders face her for a brief moment. you cover your mouth, taking a deep breath against your palm.
« you think it’s that simple? you think it’s easy to see you walk away without saying anything? you’re my friend, i thought some bad shit happened to you. » you laugh nervously, you see guilt in her eyes as you glance at her, but also…disappointment. like she expected something more.
« fuck, i even talked to sam. you know how awkward it is. » you try to change the context of the conversation as you feel a part of you beg to let the fear out, all the worries she caused, all the paranoia you felt that kept you awake at night. the insomnia, the poignant thoughts that would keep you alarmed.
tara laughs, but it sounds fake, programmed. she slowly turns serious as she sees you not even hinting a smile. « i’m sorry, okay? i just needed space. » she fidgets with the hem of her shirt, almost painfully torturing it. you can see the regret showing, but being denied by tara herself.
« for what? what did i even do? » « nothing. » you huff, befuddled by her ways, she is making you feel like you are in an unlimited limbo. you completely lose it. some tears prick your eyes, you gaze at her almost like you wanted her dead.
« you know what? fine. » you bark, and you walk away with hasty steps, the silence from her was the strongest, most hurtful sound you could feel at this moment. the only thing covering it were your heels striking furiously the ground, until you stop.
your walk gets interrupted by a hand grabbing and squeezing your shoulder, and tara is panting. maybe you walked too rapidly, until now. you gaze at her, surprised and still confused, a tesr goes down your visage. your head is clouded, the alcohol you have inside your body isn’t helping at all.
« okay, i’ll- i’ll tell you. » she says, quietly, taking a deep breath in. you frown, her hand lingers, not letting you go, going down until it reaches your forearm, the grip tightening again, fearing you’d escape, exactly like she did. « i was…scared. » « of what? »
she freezes, looking down at the asphalt beneath your feet, tapping on your shoulder obsessively, reflecting, opening her mouth before closing it again.
a sigh. « i-i mean, you started treating me so w-well and i got- it was so- i didn’t…» « sorry, i won’t do it again. » you shrug, and she squeezes your arm painfully tight. your breath hitches, and as she notices, she lets your arm go. « it’s not what i meant. i…» she swallows hard, putting a hand on her forehead.
« it’s that after what happened…» she stops, putting her hands behind her back. oh, you know it all too well. sam talked to you about it when she felt like you were close enough to them to deserve to know, more as a warning than a demonstration of closeness
she continues: « with…amber. i can’t risk again. » she hesitates before saying her name, almost as if her name was a forbidden word, a spell, a death sentence. it held weight, but she acted like she would show up if she said her name too many times. and the umpteenth confirmation is in front of you: she looks around, looking at the empty streets, checking to see if someone is watching. if amber is watching. « but i’m not amber, tara. » you remind her, crossing your arms.
« i know, but i’m scared. y-you’re so nice and she was too- you know, you know what she was doing to me while she was b-being nice. » she says one word after the other furiously, her voice shaky and unstable, cracking, and she says everything so slowly because sobs would interrupt every word in her sentence, obstacles full of emotions.
you notice tears going down her cheeks, and it makes you wonder when she started crying. you move your hands slightly, nervously, trying to not listen to the urge you have: cup her cheeks, wipe her tears. you just couldn’t, you feel like it would be too much.
« but i don’t want anyone else to hurt you » tara barely nods, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt again, her head tilted. « that’s exactly what amber used to tell me. »
you sigh, having no idea of what to do now, what to say. the young girl saves you, just by declaring something else. « besides…if you don’t kill, y-you’ll get killed. being close to me is a death sentence, really. »
« don’t say that. » you murmur, shaking your head, a shiver of pity runs through you like thunder. you hate seeing her that way. her voice is still there, but unstable. « the next one could kill you. i don’t want you to d-die. » she almost screams, holding up a hand to her neck, like she was choking on her tears. she cries, and she isn’t even able to interrupt her grief, her pointless grief that looks at the future with a negative eye. « who said there’s going to be a next one? » you ask, almost rhetorically, like it was sure the murders ended in woodsboro, and that would dare hunting down tara and sam another time.
not in my story, you think. not when there’s me. you would protect her, no matter what, and at the first suspicious murder happening close to her, you already know you would make whoever wanted to get in the way disappear, in one way or another. but you didn’t know the gravity of the situation, you never were a victim of the attacks, you have no idea how smart a ghostface killer has to be.
tara remains silent again, her silence, every time she would use it, was as bothering as a loud, earth-breaking storm.
she just sobs, and trembles, and you can’t hold back anymore. you wrap your arms around her, pulling her in a hug that you both needed, so much, and you get it, you do, because she wraps her arms around you like her life depends on it.
« it’s okay. » your lullaby of consolation makes her nod, breathing deeply between her sniffs. she tightens her grip, and you only desire to feel all of her attached to you, every limb touching yours. you feel content at the affection, but you want more, her lips looked perfect, smooth, and soft. you wondered how they would taste.
but you couldn’t fuck around and find out, not now. « i know you’re scared, but i’ll be here, okay? we’ll be fine, no matter what. just…please. please don’t run away from me again…i…i missed you, so much. » you whisper, your voice is a restless plead, and you almost break down between her arms.
« i missed you too. » « but…i’m confused, » you finally confess. she looks at you, waiting patiently for you to add context, something that can help her understand what struggle you had. you notice how she calmed down, how she doesn’t sob anymore, how very few tears would fall, compared to how much she was crying before. she looks clueless, and it made your sentence stop for a little more time than how much you programmed. is it just you who wants more?
« the days we spent together…what do they mean to you? » and the question takes a few moments to be answered, as her grip tightens around you, her eyes gazing at you rather than the emptiness of the place. strangely, no one is there, you two can hear the music of the partying flat even out of it, and it relaxes you more because you aren’t alone, you can say you need to go if you want to, if it gets too much even for you.
you wait still, and she sighs. « they’re special, obviously. » « but tara, there’s more. » you notice that as you speak and breath, cold whiteish air goes out of your mouth, losing itself in the space in front of you. is it really that cold?
« i don’t know what you mean. » she shakes her head, and you take a step back. her cheeks are flushed, her body is stiff and as she doesn’t have anything else to grab, her hands clasp roughly.
you falter, shaking your head softly. « it’s nothing. maybe i should head out, y’know, maybe mindy is still waiting f— » « no, wait. » her hands open, she shows her palms, and huffs. « i want to understand. how come there’s more? i don’t even know what that means. »
« you get incredibly close for weeks, you kiss my face, you hug me and struggle to let go, you treat me with…weird sweetness that i have never seen before, especially from you. you suddenly disappear because you’re scared that i’ll end up copying amber, then…you say that those moments are just special. that’s a meaningless reply to me— do you even care? » you vent, a hint of anger mixed with palpable confusion, and the words go out of your mouth faster than you wanted them to.
she widens slightly her eyes, raising her eyebrows. and you know she still isn’t understanding from what place you’re coming from, or maybe she understands? how confusing she is.
« what kind of question is that? i care »
you decide to go all in, your patience wearing thin, as thin as a blade of grass. « then why do you act like you’re in love with me? » you giggle nervously, maybe looking crazy in front of her eyes, maybe looking desperate. she locks eyes with you, and you go ahead and take steps towards the building, fearing her reply, fearing that everything you know is false.
« because i am, y/n » you hear her say from behind, and you turn around, frowning. you are suspecting that what you heard isn’t actually what she is trying to say, and somehow, even if you didn’t say anything, she gets it. « i said i am. »
« how did you— » « you always make that face when you’re lost. » she laughs, getting closer, and that phrase makes you hint a smile. she cups your face with her cold hands, and it makes you shiver, but somehow it feels emotionally warm. a blanket over your heart.
« so what do you think? » she whispers those words, her voice cracking with fear. you feel your cheeks gradually getting hotter and hotter, redder and redder. « i think that…i’m in love with you, too. »
you stop, and her gaze softens. yours does too. « i love you, tara. a lot. i thought you were disgusted by me or…you didn’t want me around anymore. but god, i’m so in love. » you calmly declare, her fingers brush against your cheeks softly, with tenderness.
« i could never be disgusted or change my mind about you, you’re pretty dumb. »
giggles echo in the air, and she leans in, her breaths quiver at the intimate closeness you both have now. everything fades out, and you both look at each other in need, in need for the physical contact you both are craving. she scans your face as your breaths intertwine, and then her lips found yours, after months of research.
it’s perfect, you kiss back without even thinking about it, like you were born for this: to kiss her, to have her with you. you cup one of her cheeks with your shaky palm, the touch is soft and warm, and her lips are too. no anger is held in the kiss, only the affection you both feel, gentle in its essence. your heart stumbles in its rhythm, and you fear that she can hear it beating erratically too.
she breaks the kiss hesitantly, and you don’t know how long the kiss lasted — seconds? minutes? — but it just made you even more infatuated with her. her forehead rests against yours, her brownish hues shining with satisfaction, her lips curled up in a soft smile. you can still feel those lips against yours, or maybe you simply want them to be there again.
but you’re fine, you finally are. there are things you both need to work on, but you know that, until you’ll have her, you’ll be content and wanting to be better.
« i promise i will take care of you. » you whisper, you can’t help but smile, showing your teeth.
« i will take care of you, too. »
#tara carpenter#scream fanfic#scream fanfiction#scream#jenna ortega#jenna ortega fanfic#x female reader#x fem!reader#wlw#wlw fanfic#sam carpenter#fanfiction#ethan landry#lgbtq#fluff#hurt/comfort#angst#amber freeman#scream 6#scream 5
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i’ve finally been able to collect some of my thoughts on the tour! under the cut if you want to read my yapping
- First of all we were really far away like almost all the way in the back of the balcony. We could still see the stage obviously but i couldn't really see their faces :( if i was doing it again i'd sit closer lol.
- The dolls were incredible. they really did all that
- Our conspiracies were toilet, clothes, tour bus and wedding which now that i've seen what the other ones are, i think was a pretty good combination. Tour bus was actually crazy like.. I mean i'm not too surprised that it was true but i AM shocked that they actually confirmed it! Like what!! I didn't even know about that conspiracy beforehand so yeah i was gagged
- They yapped for a minute about pizza. Phil hates cheese but loves pizza WHY it’s because pizza tastes like its own thing. One time dan PRANKED him by getting pizza with GOAT CHEESE on it and phil hated it. (phil’s wording lol, it wasn’t actually a prank) Also they said the best pizza they ever had was here in boston! And it had soy sauce on it apparently
- “Doesn't matter babe” did happen, i wasn’t sure if i heard it right but i was like “did he just say that?” i figured it was just part of the script but apparently not. I witnessed phistory
- They said “wang” so many times they LOVEDD the fact they were in the wang theater
- The fight was so funny i borrowed my friends binoculars for a minute so i got to zoom in on them slap fighting like 5 year olds and phil choking dan with a cable. why are they gay
- I SCREAMED when sister daniel came out like that was taylor swift levels of screaming from me. I knew that would happen but seeing her in the flesh was something else
- I appreciated how real they got. I think they balanced it with humor just the right amount but still went deep into stuff!
- the song was AMAZING it’s still stuck in my head and i’m gonna need that on spotify as soon as the tour is over. it was so clever to have it be from either perspective and the lyrics honestly made me cry!! but it was also such a banger!!!
This was kind of a schrodingers hard launch. They’re being open and honest about their relationship, but they also realize that a lot of the fun of the phandom IS the conspiracies and reading into things and the teasing. We have fun with it and they have fun with it, if they tell us everything then what’s left? It's like a sitcom that loses interest when the big will-they-won’t-they couple gets together. There’s a mutual understanding here, and the mysteries and intrigue are such a big part of the fun that we’re going to keep doing it. At least for now.
overall this show made me feel so happy to be part of the phandom. our parasocial relationship with them has been a rocky one, toxic at times, and at one point we thought it was so over but we are SO BACK. THEY LOVE US and WE LOVE THEM and we kinda need each other!! i’m so excited to see where they go from here.
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THANKSGIVING MOOTIE APPRECIATION ❤️✨❤️
Happy thanksgiving y'all! And a good time zone to all my non-US/non-Turkey day havers lovelies!
Tis the season of thanks and I'm a very thankful goober this year! I only started getting active on Tumblr about half a year ago and there's already so many people and things I'm grateful for from this site alone! I've enjoyed so much art and events, participated in yap seshes, tag games, and ultimately felt pretty welcomed and at home on this site, and it's thanks to all you! <3<3<3
Special thanks to the DCA fandom in its entirety as well! All the discussions, artists, writers, and shared reposts with all the silly notes are awesome! Y'all inspire me all the time and make me wish I was more outgoing than I am just so I can say hello to each and every one of you!!!!
The list gets long, so for the sake of those scrolling by, I have put it below! Have a lovely day everyone! <3333
@midnight-mourning Your writing is just wonderful. It's everything!!! I adore it so much and your CS boyos have wormed their way into my heart and refuses to leave. Some of my favorite songs even remind me of them! (Don't tell Moon this but I am very attached to CS Sun-)(Honestly gotta be my favorite Sun I've read fr fr) Also! Thank you for just being so supportive, thinking about me in tag games, and giving ALL the tag notes! They're a wonder to read and have me bounce off the walls! I'm always so happy we're mooties! ❤️❤️❤️ (Also, fun fact, you're my first mutual too! It's insane to me HOW DID THIS HAPPEN GUAHPHIAHDKA)
@pointyfruit You! Your art? Muah, wonderful. I don't even care if it's not dca related because it's so good. The shape language, art style, and just unique takes on just anything and everything blows my mind! Let's not forget COLORS. Oml they are so PRETTY. It's like an explosion I never want to end. 💥💥💥 Also! So goofy, so silly, and COTL enjoyer! Let's GOOOOO!!! I don't engage with the fandom much but I DO love the game and honestly I almost beat it, but still have not because I don't wanna do the final boss fight. It can't be over bros... Anyways when I see your posts I always wanna just wave like a neighbor seeing ya blow up 10 boxes of fireworks on a casual Tuesday afternoon. 👋👋👋:D
@divinit3a SPINS YOU!!! 🐶🐕🐶 Heya silly meister! In the midst of reading your work, gotta say? Muwah, Perfecto! The sillies are putting me on a rollercoaster and I'm stuck on the ride! While my ability to yap is a coin flip every hour, you happen to bring the yappening out of me with all the fun notes and posts you do--We've already had so many fun convos! Speaking of posts, the art is peak and will STAY peak! The designs? Muwah. The colors? Muwah. You make even the creepiest of goobers hauntingly beautiful! We've may not have known each other for long, but you're someone I look forward to seeing on my dash/notifications every time I open the app! ❤️❤️❤️
@sinister-sincerely Hi!!!! I'm still sometimes in awe realizing we're mutuals! I really love your work and if I'm in the mood to read something but I don't know what, I tend to turn to Aftersome often, even though I've read both the og and the rewrite! It's like you're the master of writing angst, bitter unrequited feelings, and the strange tenseness but want of confusing relationships. It's gut wrenching and I wish I could write something so evoking! All your stories are amazing and I seriously hope you know that, they're such heavy hitters that they have marked a place in my memory. ❤️ Your art too is wonderful! They don't pop up often but when they do it's a real treat! I love that you use grey scale in a lot of your works and the style is just so pleasing to look at. Whenever I see the DCA in your style I wanna give them the biggest hugs, even if they'd pry me off seconds later! ✨✨✨
@r0b0s-robos / @r0b0-wannabe Waving at you excitedly!!! It's always a pleasure to see your reposts, you always find the good stuff! Plus, you always are trying to help out others and it's amazing to see, your efforts are able to make great impacts. :333 You're also another writer I appreciate immensely, and I'm so invested in your botanist au. The sillies and their botanist who is desperately trying not to fall in love with them!!! ADORE THEM!!! I can't wait to read more! ❤️❤️❤️ The times you post about writing ideas or silly things about the DCA has me nodding my head with a smile. Also, the little notes you leave in tags, despite usually being brief, always makes me so happy! It's like seeing the kind stoic look at you from their seat, let out a small smile, and say "I love this"- and then suddenly it's a blast of blinding white light of endearment straight to my heart. K.O.!
@chickenchirps27 Welcome back!!! I've noticed you've been much more active recently and it's always fun to see what you got goin on! Obligatory art mention, but it would be criminal to NOT mention it. ITS!!! AMAZING!!! THEY LOOK LIKE ROCK CANDY!!! Colors!!! I love it so much, the goobers look delicio- I mean they look adorable and masterfully crafted in each piece of art! And your sona, ugh, she's so gorgeous and alien in the best ways possible. I've never seen anything like her and I am in awe of how you came up with all her little details. Those mantis arms are SICK and I want them!!! (Though drawing may be a little hard if I had em-)✨✨✨
@amarynthian-fortress / @amarynthian-chronicles Hehehe! Boops you! >:D Honestly, thank you for always being the biggest sweetheart around and being so welcoming. You're one of the people that made me feel able to crack my shell more and be more active on here! Your writing is whimsical, your reposts and comments are always so kind and feel-goody, and you just always show you care and the randomest times! Catch me off guard why don't you! I love all the snippets and treats you post, and I'm saving many of your stories to read for rainy days! ❤️❤️❤️
@ping-ski My reaction to us becoming mutuals was- 💥💥💥:OOOOO💥OO💥💥 I think I've followed you right when I started getting active on here and gah, your art is wonderful. So lovely, stylized, and colored so simply yet so appealingly that I can't stop looking. Your aus make me want to read them and their designs are always top tier! Also, I cannot forget to mention you are SILLAY!!! So silly! Your comments on reposts are goofy and I love to read them whenever they come up on my dash! Not to mention your own posts- I will never forget the 3-in-1 solid block of dca encased in ice. I was in awe of seeing them encased and I suddenly wanted my own dca ice cubes to put into a drink and try not to choke on. ✨✨✨
@quilteddreamz Your writing. Oh my GOSH your writing! It's wonderful, beautiful, gah, I can't wait for your advent calender! I wish I could do something for it but I got 3 more weeks of large projects tapped to my back. I am sending much luck your way and know that I am excited to enjoy some daily dca! Don't break yourself over it too! I may adore the goobers but you're most adored first! Take care and keep being such a whimsical person! Muwah! ✨✨✨
@flowysgonemad You are also! Silly!!! You are so fun to see popping around my dash and your doodles just make me go :333 every time! I love your aus and you're a very kind/goofy person! I don't even remember how we became mutuals but garsh diggity dang it, it's awesome to see ya and anything you yap about!
There are MANY more mooties I want to appreciate and show off, but I fear I am currently omw to go to a large thanksgiving dinner and I'm expecting to be there for the rest of the day. SO! If you weren't listed, please know that I AM thinking of you! Have a wonderful time zone, and just know that my heart is so full knowing that you're all there! I can't believe there is that many of you to begin with that I can't fit you all within the time frame! (Would you believe me if I said coming up with all the right words to say here took me 2 1/2 hours?)
So! To all my beloved writers, artists, and sillies alike! From the bottom of my heart, really, thank you! For being here, even reading this, and appreciating the things I do as much as I appreciate you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨✨
#thanskgiving#mutuals#mutual appreciation#Happy thanksgiving y'all!!!#Y'all are amazing people!!!#Thank you to the community in general for being so kind and welcoming too! ❤️❤️❤️#Y'all should check out the people tagged here if you don't know em! They're all wonderful Fr fr!#dca community#dca fandom#Yapping#Mootie patooties
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Got hooked up with the local Food Not Bombs chapter (it was defunct for a while bc of zionism drama but someone i'd met before started running it again and it's so good now). It's lucky for my dsa chapter that they got me first bc fuck, food not bombs is my mutual aid J A M. They were missing someone to run the free shop and hold onto the inventory from week to week. Like uhh fuck yeah i can show up and carry a box around for a week. The vibe is so good.
Life with bfr has been really nice too. We get into a good stride when we're both busy. I love that they're down to do anything, whether it's fun or not. I never "need" alone time from them and when I just want to be alone (which is rare now) they don't question it or give me a hard time. I love how much they love my cat. I love how they save space for me to vent about my family or friends but they go out of their way not to chime in or badmouth them, even when I know they're frustrated. I love how much they love to paint their nails now, and how they won't go to a meetup or hangout without some lip stain now that they know how cute it looks. Life is so much better with a partner like them.
And local dsa growth has been really cool. We're having a lot of participation and even some of my irl friends are showing up to events when they've always passed on dsa stuff or activism in the past. My cleanups have been SO well-received and we even have city-side friends helping us with resources outside of the normal avenues (endless bureaucracy). A new member who uses our awful bus system is helping us with a bus stop improvement initiative on one of the busier lines, and we're doing cleanups on the same line now. It's all so amazing to see things come together and gain momentum where bfr and I don't have to push (or just do) every single step.
December is gonna be hella busy pet sitting, and I'm looking forward to that. I've had two weeks without much work so it's also just gonna give me financial peace of mind again.
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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🩵🌻 another year, another happy (belated) autism acceptance month to my favourite autistic character!! he’s off in search of his next niche hyperfixation :)
#a whole bunch of life stuff unfortunately got in the way of me finishing this before the end of april :(#but i still want to make drawing fred every autism month a yearly thing!!!#he means the world to me (as i’m sure you know!)#this isn’t quite as ambitious as my previous piece but i still like it a whole lot and i hope you do too!!#happy belated autism acceptance month to my wonderful autistic mutuals 🫶#i have fred & scooby doo to thank for meeting some of you and i’m always grateful for that!!#scooby doo#scooby doo art#scooby doo fanart#fred jones#fred scooby doo#fred jones fanart#autistic fred jones#autism#autistic characters#autism acceptance month#nem art :)#scooby doo and nemmet too!
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ruminating on 'the vees died despondent nobodies' thoughts
velvette interrogates vox after she hears him give various conflicting and bombastic accounts on air. a selection of these include: blew his brains out on live television, administered the death penalty for killing his "bitch wife," a tragic accident involving two shetland ponies, dubiously legal iranian yogurts, and a whole lot of cocaine. the actual cause was shockingly ordinary- a heart attack in front of the television, alone, his corpse only recovered after two weeks passed. he was watching a game show and his last mortal regret was never even learning who won, because he died during the commercials.
#vox#velvette#haven't settled on what i think is a satisfying cause of death for velvette#running on 'a fight that escalated with her shitty then-boyfriend while trying to film something'#mostly bc i'm thinking of her recounting this to vox and telling him the thing she most regrets is that he was ugly as sin#and now his mugshot is permanently stapled to news of her death#but i'm not mega attached to this or anything#(the thing she ACTUALLY most regrets#is that the people she knew probably took more interest in how she died than who she was alive#that the most notable thing about her was something she didn't even do#and even the tragedy of her death to those who heard about it is in how bitterly commonplace it is)#wait this is actually thematically perfect. because in hell she's STILL in some ways defined by her proximity to two men#/yes/ her followers and fans are captivated by her separate from voxval. but she's inescapably regarded through the lens of the vees#both in the 'what's the niche velvette fills in the vees' sense but also through her relationships to val and vox#she's velvette. but she's never Just Velvette. she is always One Of The Vees#who she is to vox and valentino is what Velvette(tm) is#she can play every role to the public. their beleaguered 3rd wheel. their Sane Friend. partner (business). partner (romantic/sexual)#how do i fit that alongside:#'the people of hell like velvette because she's unfiltered. raw. authentic. mean girl who says what she wants w/o caring'#with a hammer and a lot of grit#i do think that's usually what she thinks of herself. at least consciously and these actually aren't mutually exclusive#you know how i said i'm not super attached to this backstory. whoops i have convinced myself of it!#if not the above specifics the 'the most remembered thing about velvette's life is how she died' angle#as it turns out this post is actually about velvette. i need to think about my evil babygirls Themes#i had something to say about vox and gameshows but thats enough footnotes for now i think
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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Birthday time :D
I doodled this on the 18th, figured it’d be nice to save for today.
This past year has been the most wildest year of my life. To everyone I’ve come to known, old and new.
You mean the fucking world to me. Here’s for an even better rest of our year, together.
@f0rtunesfuture @amberluvsbugs @garbagechocolate @darkxsoulzyx @kandidandi @just-a-drawing-bean @cacaocheri @bunmuffin @sleepykas @xitsensunmoon @justaduckarts @skizabaa @starsketchez @fernzwing @smoljeanius @ilsole @tuzesdays @magicclownjuice @ohno-the-sun
(If I haven’t tagged you there is a Very(tm) high chance I am either unsure if you’d want to be tagged or too much of a coward to do it anyways but that does not mean you’d mean less <3)
#nebula art and doodles#i was gonna digitalize this but i thought it’d be funny if it wasnt#thank you to everyone who has come with me on this wild journey#only about 7-8 months since i first joined the dca fandom#since i joined ao3 and tumblr#and ever since then i have made some fucking incredible friends#i am so goddamn thankful to every single one of you fuckers /aff#for every goofy bit#every silly question i get#every ounce of serotonin ive gotten for people enjoying my things#you’ve all made my day just a little bit better for everytime i see someone like the things i create#to all my followers#to all my mutuals#to all my friends#thank you for making my life better#thank you for everything#i know for a lot of my moots i dont interact or talk to you#but do know i see you#and i appreciate you for sticking around#feeling sentimental as fuck thumbs up#anyways the fact that i share a birthday with sonic the fucking hedgehog sure is something#gotta go fast i guess
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i understand and appreciate the sentiment behind them but god, as someone in the process of getting an art degree and intending to pursue a career in art, those "don't get a job doing what you love because you'll start to hate it" posts are depressing
#im sure for lots of people monetizing their hobby/passion is not the right choice!!#that's good advice!!#but SOME people are happy with an artistic career?? right??#i know this is not at all the intent but it feels so often like they're telling me 'you should just give up now and get a boring job'#like i wanna do art for a living because there's nothing else i wanna do more!! i care about this!! so i want to do it all the time!!#and i mean who knows i don't know exactly what my plan is after school. having a non artistic day job is still on the table#and i'm aware of what those posts are really trying to say which is to protect your joy#and that will factor into whatever i end up deciding to do#but is it so bad to want to do the thing i love and make other people happy with it and get paid??#stars rambles#vent#i do hope it goes without saying when i vent about a post i saw on my dash but just in case:#if you're my mutual and you reblogged posts like this recently or anything this is not @ you and i am not mad <3
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okay so ive been into jeweler richard for a while now, i watched half of the anime when it came out and found it unremarkable (now it fills me with rage) but i didnt start actually thinking about it until the manga came out and i actually read it. I stand by my reccomendation of the manga and in still looking forward to reading it when more volumes come out (volume 6 got delayed till next year). I knew OF things in the LN and they intrigued me but i wasnt really into light novels cuz i read on my phone but i didnt know how to get books(for free) on there. Untill i started reading orv that is(thanks dokja). Its really not that important for the story but recently ive been ravenously reading the jeweler richard LN (im on volume 5 now in the past like weekish)
And uhhhhh wow its so good. Like acutally good i totally get what people say about seigi now he is absolutely unreliable about......everyone around him. This is my reccomendation if you watched the anime and liked it or read them manga pleaseee read the light novels. It is the ideal JR experience
#Idk why orv and JR are so linked#Im thinking about u @ririban we're in this together#Sorry if this is out of line#I was reading some jr fanfics earlier and i was like 'woag thats my tumblr mutual' so cool#Im feeling a lot of things that ppl say about orv with jr tho too#With the manga its hard to get into seigi's head cuz he has to be simple to understand#We dont see his stream of conciousness and goddam it sure is a stream#If you thought his admiration of richard was excessive in either visual medium you have no idea#Its like every paragraph#Also theres a good balance of factual information and drama#I also like how u can tell whats actually happening vs how seigi tells it to us#So far my best example is when he passes out in london and he wakes up to richard taking care of him#Hes completely bogged down with information (and fever) and still thinking he and richard and that close#From richard's perspective anyway#He describes richard as calm and collected and uncaring(nicely) but its so clear richard is worried about him#Its really well worded#Also i get to read with hindsight of knowing volume 13 exists its a true treat#jeweler richard#housekishou richard#jr
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