#like how the fuck is that my problem.
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her only excuse for not wanting a son is that her son before me passed away. she's told me that multiple times, and it's never once made a single shred of sense
#like how the fuck is that my problem.#i really try not to be rude about that but how does that justify for making your current child feel unwanted.#its not my fault you rufuse to reach out for help#ugh whatever. sorry for being so negative rn its the 9pm spiral yknow
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I’ve already said it, I’ll say it again, Mal du Pays is such a visceral and clever word to describe Siffrin’s Sadness. When I first saw it in game it genuinely made me pause like. Yes, it translates to homesickness. But it has the literal word for country in it. “Country sickness”. For a guy whose core problem is that his childhood, his culture, his country is missing. One could argue it’s a twisted pun. I’m obsessed with it.
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat mal du pays#isat fanart#my art#in stars and time spoilers#isat headcanon#not done yapping: like you meet mdp at a point where the Big Problem is the loops and siffrin's fear of being abandonned by the party#and then Mal du Pays shows up and it hits you#thats the core of every fucking issue Siffrin has#his country and how it fucked everything for him#his bad memory making him forget too much and making him feel like a horrible friend and making him think that surely#hell also be forgotten#because hes a bad friend and a mess and is missing half of his fucking life#he holds onto the party with everything he has but also feels an infinite amount of shame about it because Hes A Bad Friend#hea so scared to forget whats important to him just like he forgot his past#just#ough
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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The thing is, it's not about the Therapy Speak. It's not that everyone who disliked DAV hates healthy communication as a dynamic in fiction. It's not even about only being allowed to be a good guy, really, because most of us did do that anyways (though the option not being there is a loss I grieve even if I never chose it myself, but that's another rant for another day).
It's that DAV does all that stuff at the expense of being believable. At the expense of characters being permitted to have personalities. At the expense of emotions behaving the way emotions actually work for people. At the expense of letting the plot build tension through the stakes we're forced to grapple with.
Half the fics out there take the conflicts between the characters in the previous games and resolve them. I do it myself ALL THE TIME because I like to find a path to resolution through just about any conflict, that's what fascinates me about telling these stories. But the higher the stakes, the harder a conflict is to resolve. You CAN resolve any conflict, you CAN communicate healthily through any emotion, but you can't skip the time it takes to process it all to even be able to communicate it. As someone whose got CPTSD and recovered from many Traumas, I can tell you that the TIME it takes to work through it is not something you can fast track, and the ups and downs of your emotions on that journey can't be skipped. It doesn't matter if you know exactly how to do it, exactly how it's going to feel, or exactly what the end state will be, you CAN'T speedrun it.
DAV has stakes that are astronomical, but nobody treats them that way. Nobody experiences denial - a common psychological reaction to being presented with information that shatters your worldview. Nobody expresses any distrust in the establishments handing out this information - something common among cultures that have at times been at war, even if those wars are "resolved" in the present. Nobody really ever breaks down - something that any person is capable of under extreme circumstances, especially when facing multiple crises of faith that challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves. Nobody blows their lid because they've been repressing the hell out of everything. Nobody grieves for southern Thedas, the entire thing dying off screen and giving you, the player, NO way to engage with it in any way.
Not to mention there are barely any inter-party conflicts, when there should be a lot more. Why is everyone (except Spite) fine with it if Emmrich sacrifices Manfred to become a lich? Why is everyone fine with Illario potentially being set free if he was working with the venatori and Elgar'nan, two sources that have actively attacked everyone in the party? Why doesn't Neve resent Lucanis if Treviso is picked? Why doesn't Harding get pissed off at Nevarra for having a secret society of liches that never helped during the Inquisition's war against the breach and corypheus? Why doesn't Harding feel ANYTHING about Ferelden and the rest of the south? Shouldn't Harding resent the fact that she's stuck in the north while her home dies?
All of these conflicts ARE resolvable, but not easily. And it's not believable that they're never brought up. It's not believable that these characters skip through everything that happens with like, barely a frowny face most of the time. In DAO, Alistair leaves if you don't treat his conflicts with respect. In DA2, your party members try to kill each other if you don't pay attention to their conflicts/emotional needs. In DAI, people can leave or betray you, Cassandra throws a chair at Varric and tries to body him out a window. ALL of these can be resolved but it takes effort, and the characters get to SHOW that they're bothered by them and struggling the way a person would when faced with those emotions.
The problem isn't the therapy speak, or that everyone is loyal and won't leave, or that they aren't mean to each other enough. It's that it's toxic positivity. It's toxic as fuck to imply that anger or grief should be smiled over or else you're giving up, and it's damaging to people to avoid engaging with their own negative emotional responses to extremely negative stimuli. It's pasting optimism over very real, very weighty issues, sweeping it all under the rug, and you keep waiting for the lid to blow off the pressure cooker that creates, but it never does. It never becomes anything that emulates real emotions, which is why the whole damn thing feels hollow. Everything's dying and nobody cares, not even about themselves, and that's NOT healthy communication.
It's bullshit, half-assed storytelling that didn't tell us the actual story, just the vague idea of what it could have been.
#zombolouge writes#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#DAV#DAV Spoilers#DAV critical#veilguard critical#been rolling this one around in my head for a while because I know it wasn't “healthy communication” that was pissing me off#I write healthy communication all the goddamn time and people seem to enjoy it#but I also treat the trauma and the problems with fucking respect#ignoring your negative emotions is a form of self-destruction#it's just not how psychology works#and this is indeed not even addressing all the lore conflicts that they want us to think got fixed in the last ten years off screen#or the erasure of the complicated parts of some of the factions *cough the Crows cough*#but like JUST as a baseline JUST the emotional handling of the narrative is wack as fuck
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Shen Qingqiu gets hit by a rare wife plot.
And it actually is a rare one because Airplane didn't even write this one down! He toyed with the idea before ultimately dismissing it as being too controversial for the tastes of his readers, and adapting only a few of the same elements for a subsequent chapter of PIDW.
But apparently the System can pull inspiration even from the author's thoughts, especially when there's nothing to contradict the concept and even a few threads of it still to be found in the original, and somehow Shen Qingqiu runs afoul of this previously-unwritten plot bunny.
The core concept was a cuck scenario, of all things. One of the Luo Binghe's wives gets afflicted by a poison that can only be cured by dual cultivation, but specifically can't be cured by by dual cultivation with anyone who has mastery over demonic qi. Something something conflicting energies, something bullshit something. Peerless Cucumber would have ripped the chapter to shreds if it had actually made it to publication, not just for the insult of implying that Luo Binghe should let one of his wives sleep with someone else, but also because why would Luo Binghe -- able to use both kinds of cultivation -- somehow not be able to keep his demonic energies from influencing the situation just in this one case?
Well it turns out that in his specific case it's because sex gets him too worked up to keep things strictly separate, and the degree of control required to treat the affliction whilst dual cultivating is extensive enough that even a little slip-up would be fatal.
Of course, in the actual chapter of PIDW, this same plot device was altered and used to create a harem orgy where Luo Binghe oversaw several of his wives "treating" one another's "afflictions", but Shen Qingqiu just had to go and get a fatal of dose of the more severe version (he didn't realize the risk, because again, this version didn't even make it into the novel).
Anyway, of course this ends up with Shen Qingqiu trying to figure out another way to cheat death, while Luo Binghe goes through the five stages of grief before accepting that he's just going to have to let someone else fuck his husband. This leads to an argument because of course Shen Qingqiu's not going to cheat on Luo Binghe, and he's especially not going to force one of his martial siblings to sleep with him, come on now, and Luo Binghe trying not to cry tears of blood while bringing himself to explain that a fair few of Shen Qingqiu's sect siblings would be happy volunteers for this task.
Shen Qingqiu's just like, well of course you think that, for some bizarre reason you think everyone wants to sleep with me. Bias is what it is. Really it's flattering Binghe but obviously every other person we know is straight, that's just statistics, and everyone in the entire cultivation world knows that Qi Qingqi would sooner chew glass than have sex with a man!
Luo Binghe, weeping now: Shizun please. This is serious. I need you speak words that make sense in the order you're saying them.
They argue, they reach an impasse, the clock is ticking. So Luo Binghe reluctantly turns to the most reliable source of information (outside of himself) on Manipulating Shen Qingqiu to Do Things That Are in His Own Best Interests -- Shang Qinghua.
At first Shang Qinghua is like, well I'm flattered Junshang but I don't think I could shoulder the baggage of fucking Cucumber-bro for you. But then Luo Binghe is like no I need someone who is way hotter and more capable than you, if Shizun is going to fuck someone else at my behest they're going to be TOP TIER so that when I fuck him better afterwards he's really impressed with me. Liu Qingge, obviously.
Not Yue Qingyuan, Shang Qinghua asks? (He'd take the insult a little more personally but honestly he's just relieved that he's not being asked to navigate this social minefield.)
No, Luo Binghe says. He's not 100% sure he could beat Yue Qingyuan in a fight even to this day, which in his mind also translates to not being 100% sure he could do sex better than him either, so Yue Qingyuan is an emergency last resort. He's way more likely to cry on Shizun too and Shen Qingqiu is into that shit, it's too risky.
Alright, says Shang Qinghua, and he thinks about it, and then he comes up with the beautifully simple solution:
Luo Binghe has to fuck Liu Qingge first.
Because of course the crux of the issue is that even with permission, Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to cheat on Luo Binghe. But in the twisted annals of his mind, Luo Binghe himself is still entitled to a harem, even if Luo Binghe is also happily monogamous in this life. So if he shacks up with Liu Qingge first then Liu Qingge essentially joins Luo Binghe's harem, at which point if Shen Qingqiu sleeps with him it's not an affair, it's the gay version of those fanservice-y 3P scenes that the wives in PIDW did. Shang Qinghua translates the concept as best as he can to Luo Binghe, who -- though slightly dubious -- must accept that so far Shang Qinghua's wisdom hasn't steered him wrong with regards to his shizun's eccentricities.
Luo Binghe's mission: seduce Liu Qingge, or at least convince him to have sex, or possibly to lie and (convincingly!) tell Shen Qingqiu that they had sex. That last one is the longest shot so he's probably going to have to just fuck him (Luo Binghe still underestimates how willing his husband is to believe that just about anyone would have sex with him).
Shang Qinghua's mission: convince Shen Qingqiu that he owes his husband steamy threeway gay sex or something so that this plan he pulled out of his ass doesn't backfire and get him killed.
#svsss#bingliushen#scum villain#scum villain's self saving system#mobei jun comes over at some point to ask what his husband is doing#and shang qinghua is just like oh just solving love life problems for our mutual overlord again#and mobei jun is like I thought he was fucking your weird cucumber guy I thought that was it#so shang qinghua has to explain and mobei jun is just like oh I see we're finally getting him a respectable harem okay that makes sense#mobei jun has also been contemplating expanding his own harem#although in his case he views it more like picking out live prey to put in shang qinghua's enclosure to see if he eats it or what#just arranging some political matches he has zero intention of consummating and waiting for how long it takes them to get poisoned#or fall into lava pits or whatever#the idea amuses him#shang qinghua: my king pls don't do that I have enough headaches as it is
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Gajeel- 'You're gonna be my cat!'
Pantherlily, pushing 40 with a mortgage-

#fairy tail#fairy tail headcanon#gajeel redfox#fairy tail pantherlily#fairy tail gajeel#ft pantherlily#like gajeel bro#my dude my guy#u cannot be out here in the streets tryin to adopt a fully grown man#can u imagine it from lilys end#this fucker whos about half ur age runs up sayin hes gonna take u as his cat#how did he not go 'what the fuck is ur problem'
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put them in a room together and no one will come out alive (●'◡'●)
#tma#the magnus archives#elias bouchard#gertrude robinson#jonathan sims#jonah magnus#jon's shirt says i love cats and cat picture#maybe i should one day post my shitpost like 2-month old tma pinterest meme redraws but idk if i have to find original memes that i refernc#cause some people include original memes in the posts and some don't#i loved drawing this#but oh my gosh how many troubles i've came through with this one#my disk said let's go let's be silly and boom! look! randomly 100% usage without a reason#and my windows crashed when i like 1/3 done with drawing#and i was saving drawing at that exact moment so file got fucking corrupted#file repairs apps didn't help but i managed to open file with krita#IT WAS THE ONLY APP THAT OPENED THE FILE ARE ITS DEVS MAGICIAN?#at the end it was a windows problem not disk's i fixed usage problem by reseting? system#also it was gertrude's sketch layer that was corrupted#fighting demons in my pc was feeling a little bit colin-coded#a lot of tags but i needed to complain about this situation
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christ you are extremely fucking friendly, die
#skye's doodles#its so fucking funny to me how little chill zokket has w connie specifically. it makes sense but its so funny. grown-ass [GENDER EXPUNGED]#literally what was his problem. just shows up to say 'when your light goes out it'll be by my own hand.' n connies just like Thanks I'm 9#mario and luigi brothership#brothership#connie brothership#zokket
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The sinking feeling of tragedy in slow motion.
THIS HEADCANON STARTED AS A ONE OFF JOKE HOW DID WE GET HERE [HEAD IN HANDS]
#great god grove#ggg grujaja#ggg inspekta#I DONT CARE IF ANYONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS MY HC ABOUT GR AND HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THE BIZZYS AND INSPEKTA I NEED TO DRAW IT OR DIE#“worst babysitters in the grove” hc ruining my fucking life#it was only a silly hc at first how did it get here. sits. dies even#you would think inspekta would expect this outcome but he was hoping bringing him to the grove would give him some other sense of purpose#this is before inspekta fully starts spiraling as well#alas. it just bred a form of idolization of who Grujaja sees as someone who saved him from being alone in the drain his whole life#the bizzyboys are full of guys with idolization problems without perceived self purpose and issues but damn. damn.#i put cult-like mental dependencies in this poor guy. oops.#anyway i decided AFTER merging all the layers to color this so it was super experimental as a coloring attempt and was super fun#n i like the result so itz a win to me!!!
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yeah a prof at my school is teaching a class called “a time of genocide” that’s all about “settler colonialism” and “ethnic cleansing” of “indigenous people” and talks about nothing except for palestine and claims October 7 brought violence from israelis onto palestinians (no mentions of hamas or the actual events of 10/7. just framing it as a date that “zionist occupiers” started a “genocide”) and explicitly tries to relate israel/palestine to native americans and oh yeah also assigned readings by LITERAL. FUCKING. TERRORISTS. about “zionist occupation” and her name is sarah. where does she think that word comes from. where. please let me know.
#like#are we so for real#im actually so fucking pissed off rn#i don’t even know what to do#i should probably report it but based on EVERYTHING else in the world i’m sure it won’t do shit except make problems for my life here#it’s just so upsetting how she can get away with it#jumblr#rant#jewish#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#college#it’s literally the first fucking day of the semester. can we have ANY peace. at all. fuck.
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btw do yourself a favor and never think "haha someone should make a compilation of everytime Jimmy says something self depreciating!" Because any time he says he hates himself you'll feel sick to your stomach and want to cry. Totally not speaking from experience
#HE NEEDS TO STOP. THAT MAN IS BEAUTIFUL (even I a lesbian recognize this) AND MANY PEOPLE LOVE HIM#HE IS VERY SMART AND TALENTED AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT. ITS AWFUL HEARING HIM SAY THINGS LIKE THAT#My problem is I can't stand seeing people upset or anything. So my first instict is literally to hug him or give him something fun/cool#AND ITS KILLING ME#NOT BEING ABLE TO COMFORT THIS STUPID FUCKING BRITISJ MAN IS KILLING ME. So just don't try to count how many times he says he hates himself#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#solidarity gaming#Mcyt#trafficblr
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i am OBSESSED with that one yandere hantengu clone art! but i do wonder, did you change their appearance a bit to make them look alike but at the same time not? this is hard to explain, but i observed the clones nose shape, sekidos hair being more different than the others, and facial structures making them each being different. very sorry if this doesn’t make sense it’s hard explaining what i noticed (T ^ T)
I think I understand what you mean, don't worry! you did wonderfully!
and basically, yes and no!
Some things were probably accidental (like facial structure), but the purposeful tweaks were their eyes and hair yeah!
I wanted the viewer to be able to tell the difference between them without being explicitly told who's who.
[design yapping under the cut]
I've heard that depending on what expression you're making often, it changes how you rest your face, and I wanted that to translate into how i drew them!
that and if you look REALLY closely, there are some subtle differences between them all in the anime/manga, so i accentuated those and added my own spin to it too.
So, if i were to draw the four making a neutral expression, it'd look something like this!
And that would HOPEFULLY be enough to give you an idea about who's who while also keeping their faces EXTREMELY similar yet a little different at the same time
but knowing me....... i'd probably still make it super obvious.......
I changed their nose because Hantengu had a sharp nose, and I thought it'd be hot cool to see them with one! I have no excuse for the eye bags and dimples.. they look like they have the type of hot guy aura to have those traits............... orz
i try not to forget small details but i probably do sometimes making them look different //slams head against wall
#null rot#null brainwash#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#cloaked cult member#WAAAHHHH TYSM BTW.... IM REALLY HAPPY THEIR DESIGNS CAME OFF THAT WAY#MY ATTEMPTS WERE A SUCCESS AND I CAN ONLY HOPE TO CONTINUE ACHIEVING THAT#FUCK#i hope no one minds this little expression ramble. i really like faces and how they move#maybe thats why i like them sm....... theyre like my guineas pigs....#im tryin so fuckin hard not to fall victim to same face syndrome bUT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE LITERALLY THE WORST CANIDATES FOR THAT#STILL THOUGH. IM STICKING W THIS#their thick brows bro...... ouGHHHHHHHHHH#tired eyes............. oooUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#there are also small things i didnt mention. but i wonder if any of you can spot them? if not. then its no problem.#its one of those little details i'll keep to myself and subconsciously use to indocrinate you further#GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED GET BRAINWASHED#null gospel
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i like him
#somebody needs to keep me 8 metres away at all times or else ill start chewing on him#i just want everyone to know if i end up making a character who happens to resemble harvey in any shape or form#it probably wasnt a coincidence 😐and it will happen again#if i remember maybe ill try getting stardew when it goes on sale.. my friend showed me her farm and she named her chicken after doja cat#or maybe it was nikki minaj i cant remember. and she also said smth about monsters and passing out if you stay out after a certain hour#idk how accurate tht is all i know is the funny fucked up grandpas bed#i read somewhere that harveys supposed to be in his early to mid thirties and i dont have a problem with it but i think itd be very funny#if hes actually younger than he looks hes just a med school postgrad lmao. idk how well that headcanon would hold up since ive#never played the game and idk how often ppl talk about his age or if itsjust an implied thing. i just think its really really funny#im trying to get into the habit of drawing poses so im using reference images to try and build up muscle memory#i found some cute pictures of two ppl playing by the sea shore and it reminded me of xin and sailor so im gonna draw em like that#i havent drawn em in so long..... maybe i should update xins reference since i changed their lore quite a bit#myart#my art#doodles#stardew valley#stardew#sdv#sdv harvey#kinda wanna see him whimper a little bit. as a treat
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just saw someone say Rick Riordan making a TV show is just as bad as anything JKR has done. BFFR you're comparing Rick Riordan trying to make his world more inclusive, changing some parts because of money/time constraints, or just making changes cus he thinks they're needed, to JKR being a terrible person!
#and not to say Ricks work is perfect. ill be the firat to tell you his mistakes. his aspec rep is shit. his minorities rep has problems#he has general time line problems. im not says hes perfect but he tried from a good place#jkr named a character ChoChang. her Scottish character blow stuff up and tried to make alcohol. named a black character Shackelbolt#like damn get over yourself.#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#percy series#pjo series#pjo#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#pjo tv adaptation#if you wanna say shit about Rick ok. but be correct about it#how is he just as bad as jkr for not using the book he made in the early 2000s an exact script for the TV show being released in 2024?#and they yall had the audacity to be pissed when he didn't put a song about sex thats literally says `fuck her face° in the background of#LITERAL 12 YEAR OLDS in a place with memory altering properties..... thats whats you wanted. children getting high to a song about sex.#°oH bUt iN tHe mOvIe tHaT i WaTcHeD wHeN i waS tWeLvE' where the actors where like what 18? and weren't 12? that one? 🙄#some of you are getting on my nerves. yes the show's pacing is eh really thats a reason to curisfy Rick Riordan? thats what you're deciding#this is the line? a tv show thats on its first season and is more accurate then the movies that came out?#good to know
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Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives
Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy
Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it

#Moon posting#Feeling emotional about Madoka Magica all out of the blue and I'm making it your problem#IDK I saw a video in my YT reccs ranking Doremi toys and I really enjoyed it (sadly can't remember who it was)#So I went to check what other content the person had made and they had recently-ish done a blind reaction to Madoka#Didn't watch the whole thing just The Good Shit at like double speed (it was completely uncut and I wasn't in the mood for a full rewatch)#And god. The way the fucking ending to this series still makes me fucking sob like a baby EVEN WHEN WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED#I dunno what to tell you I really like that series. Like I just do. Madoka is Good Actually#IDK I feel like everyone has a lot of Opinions about the series and all I can say is that y'all are wrong and don't understand it#MADOKA ISN'T ABOUT BEING EDGY GRIMDARK TORTURE PORN!!! IT'S ABOUT HOPE!! AND DREAMS!! AND NOT GIVING UP!!#Y'all remember that post about how sometimes if you need to imagine Naruto encouraging you to help you get out of bed and brush your teeth#Then you imagine that dattebayo#And that is literally what Madoka is.#Except instead of self-care Madoka is there to stop you from being a toxic little dickweed and be nice to others#Sometimes you need to stop and ask: Would Madoka do that? Would Madoka say that? Would she be proud of me right now?#Don't ask me why I'm posting this it is 5 am I should be in bed man
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.”
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
#dont mind me im just thinking how so many high school problems seem like the end of the world#and then you grow up and you're like 'ok that was some insane shit and I didn't deserve most of it'#and then you process it and heal and go on with your life because the world is too wide for you to dwell on all that stuff#alternatively you're shocked that you really let yourself wallow in sadness over shit that now just makes you laugh and seems so trivial#my point is that if he had decided to drop the zd plans and then graduated and grown up he could have been happy#he could have made it but he didn't give himself a chance#high school is not where your world ends#in fact it's barely even a beginning its a fucking prologue#and when people are so down that they can't grasp it - this is what leads to tragedies#zero day#zero day 2003#andre kriegman#cal gabriel
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