#like how the fuck is that my problem.
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her only excuse for not wanting a son is that her son before me passed away. she's told me that multiple times, and it's never once made a single shred of sense
#like how the fuck is that my problem.#i really try not to be rude about that but how does that justify for making your current child feel unwanted.#its not my fault you rufuse to reach out for help#ugh whatever. sorry for being so negative rn its the 9pm spiral yknow
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I’ve already said it, I’ll say it again, Mal du Pays is such a visceral and clever word to describe Siffrin’s Sadness. When I first saw it in game it genuinely made me pause like. Yes, it translates to homesickness. But it has the literal word for country in it. “Country sickness”. For a guy whose core problem is that his childhood, his culture, his country is missing. One could argue it’s a twisted pun. I’m obsessed with it.
#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#isat mal du pays#isat fanart#my art#in stars and time spoilers#isat headcanon#not done yapping: like you meet mdp at a point where the Big Problem is the loops and siffrin's fear of being abandonned by the party#and then Mal du Pays shows up and it hits you#thats the core of every fucking issue Siffrin has#his country and how it fucked everything for him#his bad memory making him forget too much and making him feel like a horrible friend and making him think that surely#hell also be forgotten#because hes a bad friend and a mess and is missing half of his fucking life#he holds onto the party with everything he has but also feels an infinite amount of shame about it because Hes A Bad Friend#hea so scared to forget whats important to him just like he forgot his past#just#ough
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Now that Ghibli's new movie is coming out soon, I've been thinking about anime films and wanna talk about my favorite animated movie ever, Tokyo Godfathers.
TG is a 2003 tragicomedy by Satoshi Kon, following three unhoused people––an alcoholic, a runaway girl, an a trans woman––who find a baby in a dumpster and set off across Tokyo to reunite her with her parents.
If you like the sound of that, go watch it because the rest of this post is spoilers and I have FEELINGS about this movie.
URGHH, the fact that only two moments of true kindness, generosity, and care given to the three protagonists without any expectation of reciprocity are given by a Latin-American immigrant couple and a drag club full of queens and trans women. The fact that, despite her loud and dramatic personality, Hana is the glue that holds the team together and the heart of the whole movie. The fact that this movie pulls no punches at showing the violence and inhumanity committed by "civilized Japanese society" against the unhoused. The fact that Miyuki craves to be loved by her parents and ends up seeing Hana as her true mother. The fact that Miyuki starts off accidentally using transphobic language against Hana, but slowly begins calling her "Miss Hana" out of respect. The fact that, according to Kon, Hana's role in the story is as a mythological trickster god and "disturb the morality and order of society, but also play a role in revitalizing culture." The fact that Hana so desperately wants to be part of a true family, yet is willing to sacrifice her found family so they can be with their own, and is rewarded for her good deeds in the end by becoming a godmother. The fact that, throughout the movie, wind and light have been used to signify the presence of god's hand/influence (this movie's about nondenominational faith––faith in yourself, faith in others, faith in a higher power. Lots of religious are referenced, such as Buddhism/Hinduism, Christianity, and Shintoism), and in the climax of the film, as Hana jumps off a building to save a baby that isn't hers, a gust of wind and a shower of light save her from death. The fact that god saves a trans woman's life because she proved herself a mother, and that shit makes me CRY.
#ramblings#long post#not art#personal#it's the ultimate found family movie#not without its problems. i really dont like its depiction of mental health#for a movie that does an otherwise great job spotlighting the unhoused crisis in japan and its society's oppressive distain towards women#and queer people. it really drops the ball on depicting one of the biggest contributors to the crisis#but otherwise this movie is so fucking full of love and kindness and second chances and how fucking good queer folks and poc are#it blows my mind that this film came out in 2003 and the main protagonist is a trans woman who's just the fucking best#the recent gkids dub is REALLY good by the way! they got shakina nayfack; a trans va; to voice Hana!#the dub made great strides to undo a lot of the original misgendering and mistranslations#also its a christmas movie#also the ost was done by the band that did earthbound's ost
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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The thing is, it's not about the Therapy Speak. It's not that everyone who disliked DAV hates healthy communication as a dynamic in fiction. It's not even about only being allowed to be a good guy, really, because most of us did do that anyways (though the option not being there is a loss I grieve even if I never chose it myself, but that's another rant for another day).
It's that DAV does all that stuff at the expense of being believable. At the expense of characters being permitted to have personalities. At the expense of emotions behaving the way emotions actually work for people. At the expense of letting the plot build tension through the stakes we're forced to grapple with.
Half the fics out there take the conflicts between the characters in the previous games and resolve them. I do it myself ALL THE TIME because I like to find a path to resolution through just about any conflict, that's what fascinates me about telling these stories. But the higher the stakes, the harder a conflict is to resolve. You CAN resolve any conflict, you CAN communicate healthily through any emotion, but you can't skip the time it takes to process it all to even be able to communicate it. As someone whose got CPTSD and recovered from many Traumas, I can tell you that the TIME it takes to work through it is not something you can fast track, and the ups and downs of your emotions on that journey can't be skipped. It doesn't matter if you know exactly how to do it, exactly how it's going to feel, or exactly what the end state will be, you CAN'T speedrun it.
DAV has stakes that are astronomical, but nobody treats them that way. Nobody experiences denial - a common psychological reaction to being presented with information that shatters your worldview. Nobody expresses any distrust in the establishments handing out this information - something common among cultures that have at times been at war, even if those wars are "resolved" in the present. Nobody really ever breaks down - something that any person is capable of under extreme circumstances, especially when facing multiple crises of faith that challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves. Nobody blows their lid because they've been repressing the hell out of everything. Nobody grieves for southern Thedas, the entire thing dying off screen and giving you, the player, NO way to engage with it in any way.
Not to mention there are barely any inter-party conflicts, when there should be a lot more. Why is everyone (except Spite) fine with it if Emmrich sacrifices Manfred to become a lich? Why is everyone fine with Illario potentially being set free if he was working with the venatori and Elgar'nan, two sources that have actively attacked everyone in the party? Why doesn't Neve resent Lucanis if Treviso is picked? Why doesn't Harding get pissed off at Nevarra for having a secret society of liches that never helped during the Inquisition's war against the breach and corypheus? Why doesn't Harding feel ANYTHING about Ferelden and the rest of the south? Shouldn't Harding resent the fact that she's stuck in the north while her home dies?
All of these conflicts ARE resolvable, but not easily. And it's not believable that they're never brought up. It's not believable that these characters skip through everything that happens with like, barely a frowny face most of the time. In DAO, Alistair leaves if you don't treat his conflicts with respect. In DA2, your party members try to kill each other if you don't pay attention to their conflicts/emotional needs. In DAI, people can leave or betray you, Cassandra throws a chair at Varric and tries to body him out a window. ALL of these can be resolved but it takes effort, and the characters get to SHOW that they're bothered by them and struggling the way a person would when faced with those emotions.
The problem isn't the therapy speak, or that everyone is loyal and won't leave, or that they aren't mean to each other enough. It's that it's toxic positivity. It's toxic as fuck to imply that anger or grief should be smiled over or else you're giving up, and it's damaging to people to avoid engaging with their own negative emotional responses to extremely negative stimuli. It's pasting optimism over very real, very weighty issues, sweeping it all under the rug, and you keep waiting for the lid to blow off the pressure cooker that creates, but it never does. It never becomes anything that emulates real emotions, which is why the whole damn thing feels hollow. Everything's dying and nobody cares, not even about themselves, and that's NOT healthy communication.
It's bullshit, half-assed storytelling that didn't tell us the actual story, just the vague idea of what it could have been.
#zombolouge writes#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#DAV#DAV Spoilers#DAV critical#veilguard critical#been rolling this one around in my head for a while because I know it wasn't “healthy communication” that was pissing me off#I write healthy communication all the goddamn time and people seem to enjoy it#but I also treat the trauma and the problems with fucking respect#ignoring your negative emotions is a form of self-destruction#it's just not how psychology works#and this is indeed not even addressing all the lore conflicts that they want us to think got fixed in the last ten years off screen#or the erasure of the complicated parts of some of the factions *cough the Crows cough*#but like JUST as a baseline JUST the emotional handling of the narrative is wack as fuck
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(x)
#archive of our own#ao3 stuff#ao3 quotes#archive of our own quotes#fanfic#fanfic quotes#funny#ao3#ao3 tags#Author Has No Plan And It’s Causing Her Problems#how dare you call me out like this#it’s not like I’ve been staying up an extra hour every night trying to write a single one shot#bc the only time my fucking brain wants to come up with the next part of the plot#is when im already cozy in bed and halfway to being asleep
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really awesome interaction (x)
#watching Doc just come out of the ground and start accusing them of being mean to him was so fucking funny help#I'd like to think my Doc does have back problems but not because hes old but because he hunches down constantly when talking to Ren etc#rendog#docm77#rendoc#I think youre obligated to tag rendoc if it involves either side referring to the other as their husband#hermitblr#tubby art#I was gonna cut it off at 3 panels but I couldnt figure out how to make Doc look like he's accusing both of them so I had to make it 2#I know Scar was there too but I am not drawing the entire thing I have. things to do
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my brain latched onto ratio in the span a day or two and i am. struggling with that. have a hsr magma dump about it.
these are in reverse chronological order so that it looks like i get more normal as the post goes on (it doesnt)
#i like these a lot im happy w how they turned out art has been fun lately n im trying to hold onto that feeling n keep it alive#bro my brain wont let me finish the fkn. piece i have that i wanted to get done n post n ive been meaningto revisit my pinned post n redo i#but im stuck in my b#fuck mobile tagging sucks ass fuck this omg#but im stuck in my head w my interests rn n theyre beating my ass im losing so bad damn interests got hands#i jsut remembered i was gonna give these some other bg colors than the usual gray we use for the magma canvases..... orz#honkai star rail#dr ratio#aventurine#problem w me is i neevr remember how i tag things n characters#so i have to check#n apperantly i do tag hsr w hsr in the beginning#hsr dr ratio#hsr aventurine#ratiorine#hsr blade#hsr firefly#hsr luka#welcome to my brain n my ...i forgor yhe word hold up. my .i my my idk process i feel like im losingit#my art#magma#i like the pjs one a lot a lot a lot. .... makes me unwell i need them cozy n happy help me#fuck theu got more shipnames#aventio#hsr golden ratio#theyve been gnawing away at my brain im doing. great
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Gajeel- 'You're gonna be my cat!'
Pantherlily, pushing 40 with a mortgage-
#fairy tail#fairy tail headcanon#gajeel redfox#fairy tail pantherlily#fairy tail gajeel#ft pantherlily#like gajeel bro#my dude my guy#u cannot be out here in the streets tryin to adopt a fully grown man#can u imagine it from lilys end#this fucker whos about half ur age runs up sayin hes gonna take u as his cat#how did he not go 'what the fuck is ur problem'
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put them in a room together and no one will come out alive (●'◡'●)
#tma#the magnus archives#elias bouchard#gertrude robinson#jonathan sims#jonah magnus#jon's shirt says i love cats and cat picture#maybe i should one day post my shitpost like 2-month old tma pinterest meme redraws but idk if i have to find original memes that i refernc#cause some people include original memes in the posts and some don't#i loved drawing this#but oh my gosh how many troubles i've came through with this one#my disk said let's go let's be silly and boom! look! randomly 100% usage without a reason#and my windows crashed when i like 1/3 done with drawing#and i was saving drawing at that exact moment so file got fucking corrupted#file repairs apps didn't help but i managed to open file with krita#IT WAS THE ONLY APP THAT OPENED THE FILE ARE ITS DEVS MAGICIAN?#at the end it was a windows problem not disk's i fixed usage problem by reseting? system#also it was gertrude's sketch layer that was corrupted#fighting demons in my pc was feeling a little bit colin-coded#a lot of tags but i needed to complain about this situation
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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The sinking feeling of tragedy in slow motion.
THIS HEADCANON STARTED AS A ONE OFF JOKE HOW DID WE GET HERE [HEAD IN HANDS]
#great god grove#ggg grujaja#ggg inspekta#I DONT CARE IF ANYONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS MY HC ABOUT GR AND HIS RELATIONSHIP TO THE BIZZYS AND INSPEKTA I NEED TO DRAW IT OR DIE#“worst babysitters in the grove” hc ruining my fucking life#it was only a silly hc at first how did it get here. sits. dies even#you would think inspekta would expect this outcome but he was hoping bringing him to the grove would give him some other sense of purpose#this is before inspekta fully starts spiraling as well#alas. it just bred a form of idolization of who Grujaja sees as someone who saved him from being alone in the drain his whole life#the bizzyboys are full of guys with idolization problems without perceived self purpose and issues but damn. damn.#i put cult-like mental dependencies in this poor guy. oops.#anyway i decided AFTER merging all the layers to color this so it was super experimental as a coloring attempt and was super fun#n i like the result so itz a win to me!!!
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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Indie ttrpg designers
We seem to be back in the “dnd sucks why don’t you just play Other Games (yours)” and I have a single question for you in return
Do I get to roll a d20?
Because I like the d20
That shape pleases me
I do not wish to roll a random amount of d6s or d8s or any of them other fuckers
I wish to roll the d20 because icosahedrons please me
I will also accept d12 but the other shapes all have less mouthfeel so if that’s what your game’s based on, it is not for me
I’d also prefer more than four stats but I’m not gonna lie it is the shape of the math rocks so like
Rec your d20 based indie ttrpgs friends cuz every single one I’ve opened is them little cube fuckers or the double pyramid and I Require Round
#ttrpg#dnd#so many people so close to super good points about the problems with dnd#and then they go ‘and as an indie designer you should just play Other Games (mine)’#and like. it’s a good point. it also very clearly underlines that you’re marketing via negativity and i’d actually really rather just hear#how good your game is? complaining is not an access point to my wallet#for real tho rec list this shit#indie ttrpg#i have Math Rock Requirements and also i hate d10s for no discernable reason#i don’t like the rest as much but d10s man. i just. i hate em#they are Bad Shape#skinny tutu bitches#not even good for caltrops#xoxo fuck you d10s#i get the math for probability and shit is easier on smaller dice but have you considered:#d20 shape good#and also d20 easily maths into 100 for percent calculations#which is why it’s weird i hate d10s they’re the only other dice that don’t Fucking Suck to calculate percents from#i know a 13 on a d20 is 65% bad#the fuck is a 5 on a d8#(it’s 62.5 but that’s my point fuck decimals)
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christ you are extremely fucking friendly, die
#skye's doodles#its so fucking funny to me how little chill zokket has w connie specifically. it makes sense but its so funny. grown-ass [GENDER EXPUNGED]#literally what was his problem. just shows up to say 'when your light goes out it'll be by my own hand.' n connies just like Thanks I'm 9#mario and luigi brothership#brothership#connie brothership#zokket
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btw do yourself a favor and never think "haha someone should make a compilation of everytime Jimmy says something self depreciating!" Because any time he says he hates himself you'll feel sick to your stomach and want to cry. Totally not speaking from experience
#HE NEEDS TO STOP. THAT MAN IS BEAUTIFUL (even I a lesbian recognize this) AND MANY PEOPLE LOVE HIM#HE IS VERY SMART AND TALENTED AND HE NEEDS TO KNOW THAT. ITS AWFUL HEARING HIM SAY THINGS LIKE THAT#My problem is I can't stand seeing people upset or anything. So my first instict is literally to hug him or give him something fun/cool#AND ITS KILLING ME#NOT BEING ABLE TO COMFORT THIS STUPID FUCKING BRITISJ MAN IS KILLING ME. So just don't try to count how many times he says he hates himself#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#solidarity gaming#Mcyt#trafficblr
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