#ignoring your negative emotions is a form of self-destruction

[zombolouge]

The thing is, it's not about the Therapy Speak. It's not that everyone who disliked DAV hates healthy communication as a dynamic in fiction. It's not even about only being allowed to be a good guy, really, because most of us did do that anyways (though the option not being there is a loss I grieve even if I never chose it myself, but that's another rant for another day).

It's that DAV does all that stuff at the expense of being believable. At the expense of characters being permitted to have personalities. At the expense of emotions behaving the way emotions actually work for people. At the expense of letting the plot build tension through the stakes we're forced to grapple with.

Half the fics out there take the conflicts between the characters in the previous games and resolve them. I do it myself ALL THE TIME because I like to find a path to resolution through just about any conflict, that's what fascinates me about telling these stories. But the higher the stakes, the harder a conflict is to resolve. You CAN resolve any conflict, you CAN communicate healthily through any emotion, but you can't skip the time it takes to process it all to even be able to communicate it. As someone whose got CPTSD and recovered from many Traumas, I can tell you that the TIME it takes to work through it is not something you can fast track, and the ups and downs of your emotions on that journey can't be skipped. It doesn't matter if you know exactly how to do it, exactly how it's going to feel, or exactly what the end state will be, you CAN'T speedrun it.

DAV has stakes that are astronomical, but nobody treats them that way. Nobody experiences denial - a common psychological reaction to being presented with information that shatters your worldview. Nobody expresses any distrust in the establishments handing out this information - something common among cultures that have at times been at war, even if those wars are "resolved" in the present. Nobody really ever breaks down - something that any person is capable of under extreme circumstances, especially when facing multiple crises of faith that challenge everything they thought they knew about themselves. Nobody blows their lid because they've been repressing the hell out of everything. Nobody grieves for southern Thedas, the entire thing dying off screen and giving you, the player, NO way to engage with it in any way.

Not to mention there are barely any inter-party conflicts, when there should be a lot more. Why is everyone (except Spite) fine with it if Emmrich sacrifices Manfred to become a lich? Why is everyone fine with Illario potentially being set free if he was working with the venatori and Elgar'nan, two sources that have actively attacked everyone in the party? Why doesn't Neve resent Lucanis if Treviso is picked? Why doesn't Harding get pissed off at Nevarra for having a secret society of liches that never helped during the Inquisition's war against the breach and corypheus? Why doesn't Harding feel ANYTHING about Ferelden and the rest of the south? Shouldn't Harding resent the fact that she's stuck in the north while her home dies?

All of these conflicts ARE resolvable, but not easily. And it's not believable that they're never brought up. It's not believable that these characters skip through everything that happens with like, barely a frowny face most of the time. In DAO, Alistair leaves if you don't treat his conflicts with respect. In DA2, your party members try to kill each other if you don't pay attention to their conflicts/emotional needs. In DAI, people can leave or betray you, Cassandra throws a chair at Varric and tries to body him out a window. ALL of these can be resolved but it takes effort, and the characters get to SHOW that they're bothered by them and struggling the way a person would when faced with those emotions.

The problem isn't the therapy speak, or that everyone is loyal and won't leave, or that they aren't mean to each other enough. It's that it's toxic positivity. It's toxic as fuck to imply that anger or grief should be smiled over or else you're giving up, and it's damaging to people to avoid engaging with their own negative emotional responses to extremely negative stimuli. It's pasting optimism over very real, very weighty issues, sweeping it all under the rug, and you keep waiting for the lid to blow off the pressure cooker that creates, but it never does. It never becomes anything that emulates real emotions, which is why the whole damn thing feels hollow. Everything's dying and nobody cares, not even about themselves, and that's NOT healthy communication.

It's bullshit, half-assed storytelling that didn't tell us the actual story, just the vague idea of what it could have been.

[pattons-second-cookie-v2]

I wanted to ask bc of your recent post:

Do you think Remus is harmful or no for the narrative? Like,, as someone who deals with intrusive thoughts, I get that they're not "evil" but accepting them as a fact is exactly what Jeffrey dhamer did and,,,, look where that got him...

I believe that Remus is a useful character, as I believe all the Sides are. I think personifying and conversing with aspects of the self- even the more negative ones- can be beneficial in understanding how to process certain feelings and urges as they arise. I also like that, by extension, Virgil also holds a level of responsibility for intrusive thoughts, as heightened anxiety can cause them to form (remember Logan’s It’s A Small World tangent in AApt2).

In reference to Jeffrey Dahmer, it’s important to note that he didn’t go through an immediate shift in thinking. He started with a black-and-white mentality, but over time his intrusive thoughts became more muddled and grey in his mind. There were also many external factors contributing to his overall derangement, such as pressure from his supposed peers.

The important thing to remember is to recognize the emotion behind the thought. Identifying your response to the thought is often more important than the thought itself. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, and it is at the point when the thoughts are no longer bothersome that you should speak up on them.

It’s why one of the first things they have you describe in mental health evaluations is if you’ve had any sort of destructive thoughts. By acknowledging that the thoughts are present at a time when they are not welcome or appropriate is an important first step in diffusing them.

Circling back to Remus, I don’t think he’s harmful to the overall narrative. Taking something as intense and upsetting and turning it into a man-baby who whines when ignored isn’t the worst visualization method. I think he exist as well as he can in a narrative that has a limited scope on certain mental health topics.

But by having him as a visualization for something others may experience, it creates a line of thinking centered on the notion that negativity craves attention rather than premeditation to giving in. As someone who also deals with frequent intrusive thoughts, I personally find the manifestation of Remus to be an overall beneficial tactic in how to approach and address them.

[thecosmicangel]

new moon messages 🌑🔮✨ 9/14-9/15

Earth signs Edition

✨♉️⭐️♍️⭐️♑️✨

⭐️The Hindu goddess Kali is showing up in your reading, she is here to tell you it’s time for a total transition. Release from all attachments. Kali is here to bring total destruction and sudden transformation. She is here to break false knowledge and illusions which have resulted in addictions.Kali is here to help you face your fear of pain and loss, receive her protection and move forward. Be assured that when it seems your world is coming to an end it is merely a cycle of death and rebirth. Through shedding what no longer serves you, comes ultimate freedom.

⭐️A period of frustration is here for lessons to be learned. Spiritual development, enlightenment and awareness come through deep transformation

⭐️A change for the better

⭐️There is danger ahead that cannot be ignored. An immediate change of behavior is essential or you will fall into danger. You are being warned that you are on the path of self destruction. Your chronic inner struggle has led to exhaustion and debilitating burn out. What danger signs have you been ignoring?

⭐️It is time to redirect your will from its destructive inward attack. Ask your self if you are allowing others to help in your self-destruct. You are being invited to use the fire to transform your energy and break patterns of self destruction in yourself.

⭐️Your community or people close to you can help you improve or continue to self destruct.

⭐️You are being manipulated by a group of people yet you are not aware you are giving your power away.

⭐️Self manipulation by negative thinking and pessimistic attitude

⭐️Stay away from pessimistic and manipulating people

⭐️You are in need of isolation in order to receive realizations and clarity to start fresh or receive new ideas

⭐️There is something you need to release and speak up about. Release any repressed emotions to release tension from the body. Express all you have stored in your heart to release emotional blockages.

⭐️Bring out your inner child to help you play and not take life so seriously. Express yourself without judgment and bring out your creativity

⭐️Work on building patience, learn to embrace inner calm

⭐️Be open to receive the flow of stellar support always available to you

⭐️Through patience the way is cleared and illuminated, knowing all is coming in perfect time.

⭐️All is unfolding as it should there is no need for concern, stop taking things so seriously and trust!

⭐️Everything will fall into place and become clear when it is meant to, take it easy for a while

⭐️Need to relax, by putting all your focus on what you want you are in a way preventing the natural fold of events to unfold.

⭐️Surrender any project or concern to the angels in the knowing that all is taken care of.

⭐️Surrender , release the need to control

⭐️A positive transformation is occurring

⭐️Something which no longer serves you is about to end, a manifestation comes in and an exciting new chapter in your life is about to unfold

⭐️Success/ successfully overcoming a problem

⭐️Focus on gratitude for what you have, nurture yourself and do more things which nurture your soul instead of worrying

⭐️Stand up for what you believe in, the universe is testing your faith and strength. Stand firm in your beliefs and conviction, yet do not allow resentment or anger to take over.

⭐️Time to let go of what you think is logical and trust your feelings/ intuition

⭐️Ask yourself what you would truly love to do or experience at this point in your life. If you could do anything what would you do? Find the answers in your heart not your mind.

⭐️Trust your feelings and journal to express and explore all you would love to be, have, and do in life.

⭐️Honor your body, your physical vessel enriches your soul.

⭐️Misused and misunderstood sexual energies

⭐️Sexual energy when honored and combined with love takes on a sacred form and becomes extraordinary power

⭐️Sexual energy is the greatest creative force learn to control and direct sexual energy in order to achieve great things in all areas of life. Sexual energy= creative life force

⭐️Honor your body and sexuality and don’t let just anyone access to it

⭐️Learn to control lustful desires and don’t let them control you

⭐️Accept the failures in your life as perfect opportunities to learn

⭐️Reconciliations

⭐️Hearing advice from a friend

⭐️Let go of desired outcomes and you will get what you want

Signs/ synchronicities: pin, bridge, butterfly, funnel, dog barking, stars, harp, arrow,chairs, torch, pineapple. Scorpio, Kali, Sagittarius, Saturn , Jupiter, libra

[vendettavalor]

⚔️ TV Tropes ⚔️

OBJECTIVE: Browse this website and select 3-10 tropes that represent your chosen character. You may elaborate on these selections if you wish, but it is by no means necessary.

SUTEK MET'HARK

A BEAST IN NAME AND NATURE: An unfortunate consequence of being a child of prophecy - and not the good half of it - is that Sutek is known by several names with very negative connotations. The Black Dragon, the Great Destroyer, or just Mordeu (Death God). As a Sith, his new name of Darth Gore also falls in line with this trope.

BAIT-AND-SWITCH BOSS: In Sutek's case, Sidious is the bait-and-switch. After his fall, Sutek ends up taking over and ruling the Empire from the shadows. He's not named emperor and does not keep power centralized, instead maintaining the idea that the Empire is just "fractured and scattered" to hide the fact that it is still very much alive while he's working on the Palpaclones in preparation for the rise of the First Order.

DRAGON-IN-CHIEF: Followup to the previous trope - despite taking over in Sidious' absence, Sutek still doesn't end up being the true villain in the end. That remains to be Snoke, who takes over once Sutek is redeemed after saving Aurelia.

EX BIG BAD: Sutek post-redemption. Everyone knows what he did since he does come clean after all. They come to realize that he was behind a lot of the more horrifying projects of the Empire. But he's no longer actively working with the Empire and is trying to atone for his misdeeds.

GOD OF EVIL: While not his official title, this is what most people perceive Sutek as. Regardless of the fact that his prophecy states that he can bring peace and harmony to the galaxy if he works well with his sister, the fact that he is the incarnation of a destruction god whose fall ultimately did play a vital role in a creation myth is often conveniently overlooked just so his character can be boiled down to and automatically assumed to be evil. After all, it's easier to assume that destruction god = death god = evil god = reincarnation = evil child. Even if he was just a baby.

INVOLUNTARY SHAPESHIFTING: To a certain degree. Unlike Aurelia, who takes great steps to stop her dragon form from emerging because she has no control over it and doesn't want to acknowledge that it exists for fear of the damage it could do, Sutek leans hard into his. He does have control over it for the most part, but like his sister, intense emotion can just have it BURST out at random.

JUSTIFIED CRIMINAL: In his own mind. Sutek turned to the Dark Side after a mission gone wrong and no backup almost caused Aurelia to die. Because the council didn't believe Sifo-Dyas and his visions. Because it seemed like the Order was more concerned with answering to the Senate than to the people of the galaxy it claimed to serve. And because his own people seemed convinced that he would do nothing but bring about the end of the galaxy as they knew it, no matter how much good he did. He genuinely thought that having the power to control everything via the Dark Side would allow him to prove everyone wrong and protect Aurelia.

PACIFISM IS COWARDICE: A belief shared by a lot of Sith, including Sutek. The idea that the Order is pacifistic by nature and maintains peace by either serving one side or simply ignoring conflict that doesn't involve them despite their self-proclaimed role as intergalactic peacekeepers makes them cowards in his mind. And he refuses to stand by them for it.

STRIKE ME DOWN WITH ALL OF YOUR HATRED: Sutek, especially towards the end of his Sith arc, will goad his enemies into striking him down. It's an ideal taken from Palpatine. If they strike him down, he taunts that they will be just like him, or that they will simply have removed one cog from the machine of the Empire. Further down the line however, it's done more ferally and more as a cry for help: strike him down and put an end to what he is and what he has done.

YOU WOULD DO THE SAME FOR ME: In reference to how Sutek saves Aurelia after brainwashing her into becoming a tool and a weapon of his destruction. Upon realizing that rather than fulfill his intended goal of protecting her he's about to be the cause of her death, he rushes to stop her before she can gore herself. When asked why, he apologizes for everything he has done and all the hurt he has caused her and reiterates that despite it all, she would have done the same for him.

TAGGED BY: @valorums (this was so much fun <3)

TAGGING: Anyone who feels up for it!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi, Apologies for lengthy post. I have question for family dynamic. I am from south asian region where family is closely tied to individual compared to western culture.

I have ENTJ dad and INFP mom, I have guessed their types. My dad had very good career which he earned by himself through struggle. He is brilliant but has very huge ego in general. My mom is mostly in her own world, she barely does her duties towards family or home. There is no specific illness that she has but in general she is always like this. People used to call her lazy.

Due to my mom's ignorance towards us, me and my brother weren't raised with attention. I got very low self esteem as I grew up because I never used to have proper things or tiffin, dresses etc as she never paid attention. No one taught us social manners or they did not encourage us to have any new experience. They were not having any specific constraints like money but it was matter of awareness and willingness.

I was good in studies so somehow I completed my college and got into good career. Despite of my skill, as my personality was not developed properly, I had to pay huge price for my low self esteem, social skills etc.. finally I learnt MBTI, learnt some psychology and improved myself, it's still in progress.

My brother could not pick up on things, he is close to 30 years now but does not have any meaning to earn for living. He is directionless in life. I tried hard to get him line for last 6 7 years but even my parents did not support my efforts. Now they blame him for not being independent. He had to depend on them for his day to day spending.

Issue is, despite of all this, my parents do not see any issue in their behaviour. They have not supported me, helped me for anything. They are somehow indifferent to my problems, achievements etc. I have my own family now, husband and kid and I am content with it. But due to my parents behaviour, it is being difficult for me to maintain relations with them without any stress. I am not practically dependent on them for anything but I worry for brother a lot. And as I am having less relations with them, I feel very rootless like I dont have any place to fall back. Is this situation really weird or I am overreacting to it.

-----------------

You seem to be describing childhood neglect. It's not loud and attention grabbing like physical violence, so many people don't know that neglect is also a very common form of child abuse. As long as the parents are not fulfilling their duties and obligations of caring properly for their child's basic physical and psychological needs, it is considered child abuse. Child abuse can occur in any family of any social status. It is sadly not uncommon for children of wealthy parents to be neglected because the parents only recognize physical/material needs as important and overlook the rest.

It's good news that you've been able to live a well-functioning life despite parental neglect. However, it's important to remember that the long term negative effects of neglect are often internal and difficult to identify. I think your brother is a typical example of how neglect can impede personal growth. He seems to suffer learned helplessness and probably requires professional help to overcome it.

Chronic neglect has a negative effect on children's development and makes them much more susceptible to mental health problems later in life:

They are more likely to suffer low self-esteem and low self-worth and have difficulties with self-care due to believing themselves undeserving of love and care.

They are more likely to suffer emotional dysregulation (depression and anxiety), personality disorders, or learned helplessness because of not having been taught healthy coping methods and problem solving skills.

They are more likely to engage in self-destructive behavior as a means of punishing themselves, getting attention, or numbing the shame/pain of feeling unloved.

They are more likely to be socially isolated or suffer relationship problems because they don't understand what it means to give, receive, and express love in healthy ways.

Being neglected as a child, it's normal to feel an underlying sense of insecurity or "rootlessness", because you never really had a strong sense of security to begin with. Parents are supposed to be a source of comfort and safety. When they aren't, who else can you turn to? There are a lot of bad parents in the world, so there are a lot of people out there feeling detached, lonely, and unloved.

This is why the concept of "found family" or "chosen family" has become more important in modern society, since people have more freedom to roam and live away from immediate family. Some neglected children have closer ties with more distant relations like aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. Some people are raised more by teachers, mentors, friends, or a community of elders. Upon leaving home to build a life of their own, some young adults find spaces to congregate and support each other much as siblings do. Many LGBTQ+ people are rejected by their family members, so they have no choice but to look in other places for familial love.

It is possible to form relationships that are just as or even more deep, meaningful, and supportive than the parent-child relationship. However, in order to benefit from these alternative social structures, you have to let go of some old ideas about what a "traditional" family should look like.

As a general rule, as long as you hold on very tightly to beliefs about what reality "should" be instead of accepting and working with the reality of what is, you will always feel dissatisfied or unhappy. This includes expectations about what your parents "should" be. Your negative feelings about them are valid and it's a normal response to feel as though you've been robbed of a happy childhood. At this point in your life, you have to ask yourself: "Do I want this regret/resentment to hold me back from living my life well? Do I want to keep hoping for my parents to change and then feel disappointed when they don't? Do I want to keep asking for their love and then feel hurt when they just can't give it?" If not, it's better to gracefully accept the truth about them and make the choice to put your time and energy into relationships that have more potential for growth.

[thelionesswitchblog]

Spirituality and Mental Health

Let me begin by stating that the American Healthcare System is failing us. On average, 8% of Americans have no Health Insurance, and 56% have no access to Mental Health care due to availability, cost, location, or shortage of trained medical professionals.

Millions of individuals of all ages are fighting silent battles within their minds, feeling like they have nowhere to turn.

Some isolate themselves, some turn to substances, toxic relationships, or destructive behaviors, and we as a society judge them. We punish them for their inability to adapt, creating a narrowing spiral of hopelessness and a cycle of defeat.

I want to stress the importance of Mental Healthcare.

All things start from within and vibrate outward, rippling through the world in ways we do not always understand.

We must prioritize self-care and the gentle care of others in ALL forms to create profound and lasting change in our shared reality.

Our minds are where it all begins. Like a gate connecting the metaphysical realms to our everyday lives. We are the divine gatekeepers tasked with the ultimate responsibility of maintaining bright and clear pathways for manifestation.

As gatekeepers, we hold the staff. We are the wielders of our perspectives and guides of our actions. When we take our mental health to heart, we take our jobs as protectors of our reality seriously.

How might we expect to be the bodyguards of our minds without receiving adequate training? Without the regular exercise of our mental and emotional muscles, we can expect the job of gatekeeper to become arduous.

For this reason, trusted guidance, counsel, and tools for calibrating our emotions are essential. Therapy, support groups, and medicinal psychiatry are all beautiful resources for mental stability. A spiritual practice can also offer the opportunity to ground, communicate, meditate, and affirm oneself.

I rarely hear Mental health and spirituality talked about concurrently. They are viewed as two separate sciences to be surveyed separately.

My intention is not to ignore their individuality but to highlight the intersection of the two fields and emphasize the benefits of implementing a mental health regimen, if only in the form of a spiritual practice.

Before I had access to healthcare and all the mental health benefits that it provides, I had my spiritual practices. I had my meditations, grounding mantras, prayers of gratitude, tarot readings, and self-care rituals.

Unbeknownst to me, I was already utilizing many of the practices that would be recommended to me in therapy later in life.

A spiritual practice is shaped and maintained by the practitioner. Therefore, spirituality should look different to all who indulge.

Your practice may include religious values and rituals like reading a sacred text, prayer, or observance of the sabbaths. It may be as simple as carrying a crystal, going on a walk, or holding a vulnerable conversation with yourself.

There is power in taking action, however small, when it is aimed toward inner peace.

Research shows that religion and spirituality can promote mental health through positive religious coping, community and support, and positive beliefs.

Alternately, there is research that supports the counter-argument. Many have been negatively affected or even traumatized in their attempt to form a relationship with a God or spiritual practice. Along their path was disappointment, misunderstanding, or miscommunication that left a sour impression.

Every path is not for everyone. The implied separateness of spirituality and healthcare is valuable for this reason.

Some individuals need less stimulation, less engulfing emotions, and fewer profound thoughts. They need order, practical solutions, and some distance from the reality that the true nature of the universe is unknowable.

We all need help with finding our joy in times of great suffering and isolation. Access to mental health care in the form of Spirituality, religion, therapy, counseling, psychiatry, or even simple peer connection can be all that stands between a person’s turmoil and their peace.

Our minds, bodies, and emotions will evolve until we leave this earthly plain. Until then, we need to nurture them with fierce compassion, taking charge of our energetic health and looking out for the mental health of those around us.

Remember that you are a sovereign being with the power to shape your reality. I urge you to take steps toward your inner peace. Whether that be implementing a spiritual practice or enacting a Mental Health regimen.

Below I have listed resources for the benefit of your Mental Health. These are free and require no insurance.

Please email me with questions or visit my website to book one-on-one Spiritual life coaching services.

From my soul to yours,

-The Lioness Witch

[theaenetworks]

Brain rot which has been attributed to cognitive decline due to long exposure of trivial contents which contribute less or nothing to one’s mental alertness and reasoning surrounding his ability to provide solutions to pressing issues, trivial contents like endless scrolling on social media, fruitless contents, videos low on intelligence and other contents that have nothing to do with intellectual exercise. At a point that one began to feed on those contents, which limits the ability to entertain intelligent information that will help to solve every day problems. There will be no room to think outside the box, critical reasoning and contribute to intelligent conversations, that’s when brain rot creeps in.

When there is a viral memes, videos and pictures people are thrilled to join that wagon and share across their social media handles just to feel the satisfaction that they are aware of the latest trends, they overly concentrate on that to seek that validation, and losing the ability to handle important issues in their lives. They become mentally focus on every little trends that emanates from social media, comments horribly on someone’s social media post just to feel the need to be social aware of what’s going on the internet, the fixation is the highest form of brain rot any individual can suffer, this is because its totally disconnect you from ability to think, and give you limited vision on important goals in your life.

Man sharpens man as iron sharpens iron, when you’re ignorance of the destructive contents that play actually no role in your life, you’re indirectly inviting cognitive decline, it is more common with young people that join every trivial challenges on social media, that they hugely commit to the trends of these challenges, as opposed to their main targets in life, which is self-destructive. People commit less into improving their ability to be problem solvers in real life, and has successfully failed in separating social media life from real life, that they almost live on social media. Setting goals and engaging in productive activities are huge boost for cognitive exercise, expand ability to offer critical reasoning.

Brain rot has negative effects on your social and emotional wellbeing, it is relatable when people struggle to stay up and do their academic activities but will spend hours watching movies, scrolling on social media and feeding on trivial contents without getting bored, it directly attacks your mental alertness to everything around you. It is not permanently fatal, if you’re willing to commit and reverse the cognitive decline through reduction on amount you spend on social media and try to prioritize different goals in your life, engaging in intellectual exercises like reading, doing multi-tasking jobs, be self aware and conscious of the type of contents you seek, and reach out to intelligent contents that help you grow personally and career wise.

https://anthonyemmanuel.com/brain-rot-the-destructive-consumption-of-trivial-contents/

#brainrot #cognitivehealth #cognitivedevelopment #cognitivebehavioraltherapy #cognitivedecline #trivial #socialmedia

[amarehappyjuice]

Understanding Emotional Damage: Causes, Signs & Recovery Tips

You've felt that sting, the lingering shadow of emotional damage, haven't you? It's more than just a fleeting moment of sadness; it's a persistent force shaping how you interact with the world. You might notice how trust seems elusive or how self-esteem dips at unexpected moments. This kind of damage doesn't just fade with time. Understanding its roots is essential; you're not alone in this journey. What if there's a way to navigate the maze of emotions, find clarity, and regain control? Let's explore how healing and resilience can redefine your narrative.

Key Takeaways

- Emotional damage results from trauma, affecting mental health and personal relationships. - Signs include social withdrawal, low self-esteem, and emotional numbness. - Emotional harm can lead to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. - Therapeutic techniques such as EMDR and DBT focus on emotional regulation and healing. - Recovery involves mindfulness, self-care, therapy, and building supportive connections.

Understanding Emotional Damage

When you think about emotional damage, it's vital to understand how trauma impacts your well-being. Emotional damage refers to the negative effects of trauma on your mental health, making it tough to cope with your emotions and maintain healthy self-esteem. This kind of damage can make personal relationships challenging and might manifest as emotional instability, trust issues, or avoiding intimacy. You could struggle at work or in social interactions, with your happiness taking a backseat. The root of emotional damage often lies in experiences like repeated verbal or emotional abuse, which can severely impact your self-esteem and lead to anxiety. It's essential to recognize these effects as they shape various aspects of your life, including your ability to connect with others and your overall well-being. For trauma recovery, seeking therapy is necessary. Interventions such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) have proven effective in healing emotional wounds. By addressing the core issues, these therapies help you rebuild a healthier self-image and improve your mental health, paving the way for a more fulfilling life.

Signs of Emotional Damage

Recognizing the signs of emotional damage is vital to understanding its impact on your life. You might notice a tendency to withdraw socially or find it hard to trust others. Chronic sadness and low self-esteem can weigh heavily on your day-to-day experiences. Emotional numbness, coupled with fear or anxiety, may prevent you from forming healthy relationships. A sense of worthlessness or self-destructive behaviors can emerge, leaving you overwhelmed by everyday tasks. Physical symptoms often accompany emotional damage, such as headaches, stomach issues, or muscle tension. Changes in appetite and sleep disturbances might also become apparent. It's important to acknowledge these signs to begin the healing process. Support from family members, support groups, and health services can make a significant difference. Seeking therapy or counseling offers a pathway to effectively recognize and address these challenges. Signs Emotional Impact Resources Social withdrawal Emotional numbness Family members Difficulty trusting others Fear or anxiety Support groups Chronic sadness Low self-esteem Health services Please don't ignore these signs; they're pivotal indicators of your emotional well-being. Support systems can provide the tools to overcome emotional damage and improve your quality of life.

Emotional Vs. Mental Damage

Understanding the distinction between emotional and mental harm is vital for addressing psychological challenges effectively. Emotional harm primarily impacts your emotional well-being, leading to a range of issues like instability, trust issues, and low self-esteem. You might find yourself struggling to maintain stable relationships or feeling perpetually insecure. In contrast, mental harm encompasses a broader range of mental health issues, such as anxiety disorders, depression, and PTSD. These conditions go beyond your emotions, impairing cognitive functioning and overall mental well-being. Emotional harm can contribute to the development of mental health conditions. For example, unresolved emotional issues might lead to anxiety or depression over time. When you're dealing with emotional harm, focusing on improving your emotional well-being and developing coping mechanisms is crucial. This might involve therapy focused on emotional regulation or building trust. On the other hand, addressing mental harm requires in-depth mental health treatment. You may need therapy, medication, or a combination of both to manage mental health conditions effectively. By understanding the differences between emotional and mental harm, you can seek targeted interventions tailored to your specific needs, promoting both emotional and mental health recovery.

Trauma and Emotional Damage

When trauma hits, it can leave you grappling with emotional wounds like trust issues and anxiety that disrupt your life. Coping with this distress is challenging, yet seeking therapy can guide you toward healing and restoring your well-being. Embracing therapeutic support can help rebuild your emotional stability and improve your relationships and happiness. Trauma's Emotional Impact Anyone who has experienced trauma knows it can wreak havoc on emotional well-being. Trauma can overwhelm your coping mechanisms, leading to emotional damage that manifests in numerous ways. You might face emotional triggers that spark fear, anxiety, or even depression, significantly impacting your relationships and overall stability. It's essential to recognize these patterns and build resilience to regain emotional equilibrium. Effect Indications Approaches Emotional Balance Fear, Anxiety Resilience Development Trust Challenges Relationship Tension Coping Strategies Self-Worth Depression, Sadness Addressing Triggers Trauma can also lead to trust issues and self-esteem problems, affecting how you interact with others and view yourself. Avoidance behaviors might develop as a way to sidestep emotional distress, but these can also contribute to chronic sadness if not addressed. Understanding the emotional impact of trauma is the first step in finding solutions. Therapeutic interventions, such as trauma-focused therapy, play a crucial role in healing emotional damage. They help you confront and process traumatic experiences, enhancing your ability to manage emotional triggers effectively. As you begin this journey, remember healing is possible, and building resilience can lead to a healthier emotional state. Coping With Distress Dealing with distress from trauma and emotional damage requires a proactive approach. You can start by incorporating self-soothing techniques and prioritizing self-care. This means setting aside time each day to engage in activities that bring you peace, whether it's taking a warm bath, listening to music, or practicing deep breathing exercises. Building resilience is also key. By focusing on emotional regulation, you can better manage overwhelming feelings and prevent them from taking control. Coping strategies are essential for handling distress. Mindfulness practices, such as meditation or yoga, can help you stay grounded in the present moment and reduce anxiety. These practices enhance your awareness of emotional triggers, allowing you to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively. Healing Through Therapy Therapy's transformative power lies in its ability to guide individuals through the healing process following trauma and emotional damage. By employing therapeutic techniques such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), individuals can address the emotional scars left by traumatic events. These therapies focus on improving emotional well-being by assisting you in processing and integrating traumatic memories effectively. Trauma-focused therapy is customized to meet your specific needs, recognizing the unique impact of trauma on your life. Somatic Experiencing emphasizes the body's role in healing trauma, enabling a deeper connection between physical sensations and emotional release. This approach can help you better comprehend and manage your body's responses to stress. Mindfulness-based therapies like MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) and MBCT (Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy) promote self-awareness and emotional regulation. These techniques cultivate a sense of control over your emotional state, fostering resilience and a healthier perspective on life. Therapeutic Technique Focus Area EMDR, DBT Emotional well-being Somatic Experiencing Body's role in trauma healing MBSR, MBCT Self-awareness and emotional regulation Selecting the appropriate therapy can be essential for your journey toward emotional well-being and recovery. Tailoring these approaches guarantees they effectively support your healing process.

Therapeutic Interventions

When you're dealing with emotional damage, choosing the right therapeutic intervention is essential for effective healing. You might explore art therapy techniques, which allow you to express difficult-to-articulate emotions, giving you a new way to process your experiences. Healing through nature is another powerful option; spending time outdoors can reduce stress and promote a sense of peace. Expressive writing exercises, where you pen down your thoughts and feelings, have been shown to help clarify emotions and facilitate recovery. For more structured approaches, EMDR therapy uses guided eye movements to process traumatic memories, while Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) combines cognitive-behavioral strategies with mindfulness to help manage intense emotions. Somatic Experiencing (SE) focuses on understanding the body's responses to trauma and helps release physical tension. Mindfulness-based therapies like MBSR and MBCT encourage present-moment awareness and self-compassion, assisting you in managing distressing thoughts. It's crucial to tailor therapy to your personal needs. Consulting a mental health professional can guide you in selecting the most suitable intervention. Remember, each therapeutic journey is unique, and finding the right fit is key to addressing emotional damage effectively.

Recovery and Resilience

Rebuilding after emotional damage calls for cultivating resilience through intentional strategies and support. It's essential to focus on resilience building by embracing effective recovery strategies and establishing robust support systems. Engaging in therapy or counseling can provide the tools necessary for emotional healing. You'll find that developing healthy coping mechanisms and emotional regulation skills play a significant role in overcoming emotional damage. Consider integrating self-care practices into your daily routine to enhance resilience. Activities like meditation, exercise, or journaling can promote mental well-being, helping you adapt positively to life's challenges. Additionally, surrounding yourself with a strong support network—friends, family, or support groups—can offer encouragement and understanding during your recovery journey. Here's a quick guide to reinforce your path to resilience: Resilience Building Recovery Strategies Support Systems Practice mindfulness Seek therapy Connect with loved ones Exercise regularly Develop coping skills Join a support group Set realistic goals Focus on self-care Engage in community Cultivate positivity Embrace emotional growth Foster open communication

Emotional Damage Meme Creation

You can effortlessly create hilarious memes with just a few taps using Maruf Nebil Ogunc's Emotional Damage meme creation app. Available for iPad and iPhone at just $0.99, the app's compatibility guarantees you can edit on the go and instantly share your creations with friends. With a perfect 5.0 rating, users are thrilled with its easy editing and social sharing features. Easy Meme Editing How often do you want to create your meme but feel overwhelmed by complicated editing tools? With the "Emotional Damage Meme Creator" app, you can immerse yourself in meme creation without the hassle. It simplifies the process, allowing you to explore various meme editing techniques easily. Whether you're using an iPad or iPhone, the app provides a seamless experience for you to generate memes that resonate emotionally. - Effortless Video Editing: The app lets you edit videos with just a few taps. Say goodbye to the clutter of complex software and embrace a simple approach to meme creation. - Text Overlays for Personalization: Add text overlays to your videos to inject your creative customization options. This feature enables you to tailor each meme to your unique humor or emotional expression. - Inexpensive Creativity: At only $0.99, the app is a budget-friendly way to engage in meme-making. It's an affordable tool that unlocks your creativity without breaking the bank. The "Emotional Damage Meme Creator" is your gateway to expressing emotions through memes. You can easily create personalized emotional damage memes and share your creativity. Social Sharing Features Anyone looking to share a laugh will appreciate the social sharing features of the "Emotional Damage Meme Creator" app. With this app, meme sharing becomes a breeze, enhancing user engagement by allowing you to connect with friends and social circles instantly. The app simplifies social media interactions, making meme creation fun and a seamless part of your online experience. You'll find yourself diving into a world of creativity where sharing your humor is just a tap away. The app's design focuses on promoting user satisfaction through instant sharing capabilities. Once you've crafted the perfect Emotional Damage meme, the app provides various options to share it effortlessly across your favorite social media platforms. This instant sharing feature guarantees you can spread laughter quickly, keeping your audience engaged and entertained. By offering these simple sharing solutions, the app boosts your meme creation experience and fosters interaction within your community. Incorporate the ease of sharing into your routine, and watch your engagement soar. The "Emotional Damage Meme Creator" app is your gateway to connecting with others through humor, making every meme creation an opportunity for instant joy. Device Compatibility Details Regarding device compatibility, the "Emotional Damage Meme Creator" app offers a seamless experience across various Apple devices. Whether you're using an iPhone, iPad, or Mac, this app is designed to ensure your meme creation process is as smooth as possible. It's ideal for those moments when humor acts as a coping strategy or a self-care practice to address emotional damage prevention. The app supports: - iOS Devices: Compatible with iOS 15.2 or later, you can use your iPhone or iPod touch to create and share memes effortlessly. - iPads: With support for iPadOS 15.2 or later, you can enjoy a larger screen experience, making meme creation even more enjoyable. - Macs: Requires macOS 12.1 or later with an Apple M1 chip, allowing you to switch to a desktop environment for more detailed editing. Additionally, the app is optimized for VisionOS 1.0, enhancing accessibility features for Apple Vision users. This app is your go-to tool when you need a break and want to engage in some light-hearted meme-making in English. You'll find it a simple yet effective way to incorporate humor into your daily emotional resilience routine.

Conclusion

You've explored the complexities of emotional damage, recognizing its profound impact on daily life and relationships. By understanding its signs and distinguishing it from mental damage, you're better equipped to address these challenges. Acknowledge the role of trauma and embrace therapeutic interventions as essential steps toward recovery. Remember, resilience is key; you can restore emotional balance with dedication. Even in lighter moments, like meme creation, there's an opportunity for healing and connection.

FAQs

What is emotional damage? Emotional damage refers to psychological harm that affects a person’s well-being, often resulting from traumatic events, abuse, or prolonged stress. This damage impacts self-esteem, trust in others, and ability to manage emotions. Emotional damage can be deeply rooted, influencing relationships, mental health, and overall quality of life. Key Points: - Psychological harm affecting well-being - Often results from trauma, abuse, or chronic stress - Impacts self-esteem, trust, and emotional regulation What are common signs of emotional damage? Common signs include low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, and trouble regulating emotions. People experiencing emotional damage may feel persistently sad or disconnected, struggle with forming relationships, and may be overly sensitive to criticism or conflict. Key Points: - Low self-esteem and persistent sadness - Difficulty trusting others and forming relationships - Trouble managing emotions and increased sensitivity How can emotional damage be healed? Healing from emotional damage often involves therapy, self-care practices, and building a strong support network. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness can help individuals reframe negative thoughts and manage emotional responses. Setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and seeking supportive relationships are essential steps in the healing journey. Key Points: - Therapy (e.g., CBT) to reframe negative thoughts - Mindfulness and self-care for emotional regulation - Build a supportive network and practice self-compassion Read the full article

[talktoangel2]

Where Can Negative Emotions Be Found and How to Control Them?

Negative emotions, which include stress, anxiety, sadness, anger, jealousy, and guilt, are unpleasant sentiments that can be brought on by a variety of situations. These feelings may significantly affect our physical and mental health as well as our overall quality of life.

The following list of typical unpleasant feelings is followed by advice on how to manage them:

Anger: - When we feel threatened or upset, we naturally become angry. If improperly managed, it can also be damaging and destructive. Try deep breathing, counting to 10, and giving yourself a moment to calm down before reacting to manage your anger. To assist lower your overall stress levels, think about engaging in relaxation exercises like yoga or meditation.

. Sadness: Feeling sad after experiencing loss or disappointment is common. But if it's ignored, it can become debilitating and trigger despair. Try getting involved in joyful or "online counselling India" satisfying activities to help you cope with sadness. Get supportive friends and family close by, and if necessary, look for expert assistance.

Fear: ---- We can use fear as a protective feeling to guide us away from harm. It can also be unreasonable and restrict our willingness to take chances or try new things, though. Try confronting your fear by progressively exposing yourself to the thing you're afraid of in order to get over it. With the aid of a therapist or support group, this is possible.

Jealousy: --- Complex emotions like jealousy might surface when we sense danger or insecurity. Both our relationships and self-esteem may suffer as a result. Try concentrating on your own qualities and successes rather than comparing yourself to others in order to control envy. Build trust with your partner or pals by being honest and transparent with them.

. Guilt: ----When we believe we have done something wrong or cruel, we frequently experience the sense of guilt. It can be a helpful emotion that encourages us to learn from our errors, but it can also go out of control and cause embarrassment. Apologizing and, if necessary, making amends are good ways to manage guilt. Give yourself some grace and concentrate on what you can do differently going forward.

In general, self-awareness, emotional regulation abilities, and a supportive network of friends and family are necessary for controlling negative emotions. If your negative emotions are significantly affecting your everyday life or giving you severe discomfort, you might want to think about getting professional assistance from a therapist or counsellor.

Here are some coping strategies and online therapies that can help you overcome negative emotions:

. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy): --- CBT is a form of therapy that enables you to recognize and alter unfavorable thought and behavior patterns. It has been proven to be successful in treating mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and others. Online CBT programs are accessible and can be a practical and economical way to obtain therapy. Examples include Mood GYM and Beating the Blues.

. Practicing mindfulness meditation--: Paying attention to the present moment without passing judgment is a component of mindfulness meditation. It has been demonstrated to lessen anxiety, despair, and stress. Numerous websites and mobile applications, like Headspace and Calm, offer guided mindfulness meditations.

Exercise: - is a useful strategy for controlling bad moods. Endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers and can help lower tension and anxiety, are released. An organized workout schedule and peer support can be found in online fitness programs like Daily Burn and Fit On.

. Journaling: ----You can process and control unpleasant emotions by recording your ideas and sentiments in a journal. You can keep a traditional journal on paper or online using an app like Day One.

. Support networks: --Getting involved in an online support group can give you a sense of belonging and validation. For particular problems like depression, anxiety, and addiction, there is a tonne of internet support groups available. Remember, it's essential to seek professional help if you're struggling with negative emotions that interfere with your daily life. Online therapy platforms, such as Talk to Angel provide convenient and accessible ways to access licensed therapists.

[nolawritesfanfics-deactive]

hello~ i dont usually request hc but can i ask for xiao, ganyu, and childe taking care of a depressive s/o? ( ･ั﹏･ั) specially someone who bottles up their emotions and ends up crying a lot when they can't bear it any longer? (｡���ω＼｡)

thank you sm btw<3

Hello!! Ofc! I’ve been meaning to write some comfort recently, but I just haven’t gotten around to it yet 😅 I hope that your day is going alright!

-//• just a quick note though- I made the reader someone who bottles up their emotions instead of making them depressive- I don’t have depression myself, and I was worried that this wouldn’t be accurate to the actual thing! (^v^) •\\-

(Also, I hope that you’re doing okay- if you’re going through depression or having a hard time with your mental health, please talk to someone you’re close to. I can also look up some resources if you’d like! Please take care of yourself! 💕)

Pairings: Ganyu x Gn!reader, Xiao x Gn!reader, Childe x Gn!reader

Genre: Comfort, fluff, light angst, anxiety attack

Warnings: mean people, mentions of injury, self neglect

Let me know if there are any mistakes!

{_%..} How Ganyu, Xiao, and Childe would comfort their (S/o) who bottles up their emotions

Ganyu worries about you constantly. This word is cruel, and she’s always surprised when you come home with a smile on your face.

However, she would notice if you needed to cry. If you had already been dating for a while, she would have all the changes in your attitude memorized. The dull look in your eyes, the slight quiver of your voice- all of it meant that you had finally cracked.

When you burst into tears, Ganyu rushes towards you, enveloping you in her warm embrace. She always panics for a second when you start crying, but she knows that it’s best to stay quiet and give you physical comfort instead of verbal reassurance.

After you calm down, Ganyu asks if you need anything. Food, water, blankets- anything you request, she’ll find and deliver to you. If you need to be alone for a while, she’ll completely understand as well.

If not, she’ll snuggle up to you and watch over you until you feel better.

Today was awful.

Nothing had gone right, and nearly everyone you had encountered today had been rude, or just overall persistent and annoying. Not to mention the piles of paperwork that the Adventurer’s Guild kept piling on you every time you walked by their booth, due to their lack of members.

Your commissions had gone horribly, given the fact that your teammates bailed on you halfway through the first one, leaving you to do everything by yourself. You had gotten heavily injured, so you went to Liyue’s pharmacy to get some ointment. However, you got yelled at by the shopkeeper who told you to clean yourself up before coming inside.

You chose to send yourself into overdrive every night, trying to finish everything that needed to be done so that you could finally rest. But that moment never came. Your coworkers and friends kept forcing you to handle their issues, which weren’t any of your business, but you didn’t have the heart to tell them off.

So, you merely smiled and complied, trying to ignore the ocean of rage and despair building up inside of your chest. Every single day was like this, and you were getting exhausted- both physically and mentally. But you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t burden anyone with your issues, even if they burdened you with theirs.

For some reason, you felt that it wouldn’t be fair to them.

Over time, the jobs you were entrusted with became unbearable. This resulted in major negative changes in your appearance and attitude. Your voice would shake every now and then, your eyes were dull, and you weren’t as bubbly as you usually were. No one noticed though, so your vicious cycle of self destruction continued.

But that was until Ganyu came home from work.

You had been sitting at your desk, working on some forms that the Adventurers Guild had given you, when you heard the front door close. A sweet voice rang throughout your house- the same voice that belonged to your beloved. You hadn’t seen her in almost a week, since Osial had caused more damage than Ningguang had expected, which meant that everyone had to work overtime.

“(Y/n), I’m home! I’m sorry I haven’t been home in a while, things have been really busy.” Ganyu called as she walked over to you.

You perked up at the sound of her voice, quickly turning to face her as she stepped into your room. Concern washed over her features when she saw you, her mind instantly analyzing your weakened state. Your entire demeanor had shifted. Slowly, Ganyu walked towards you and placed her hands on your cheeks.

“Hey… are you okay?” She whispered, staring directly into your eyes. You nodded sadly, a melancholic smile made its way to your lips. The half-Adeptus leaned forward and wrapped her arms around your body. One of her hands carded through your hair, while the other rested on your back. From the looks of it, you had been overworking yourself for far too long.

Heavy sighs escaped your throat as tears started pooling in your eyes. Pain filled your chest while you cried into the crook of Ganyu’s neck. Soon enough, loud, carnal sobs were rumbling through your chest, every molecule of air leaving your lungs in the process. Her hold on you tightened, and sheer pain reflected in her eyes.

You sank to the floor, pulling your lover down with you. Ganyu pulled you onto her lap, rocking you back and forth until she could only hear sniffles from you. Comfort and love filled your chest, replacing most of the pain that was previously there. Even though some of your pain still lingered, things felt more bearable when you were with the one you loved the most.

You were practically limp in your beloved’s arms, emotionally spent. Your eyes stung from how much you had wiped them, and you felt as if you had been hit in the head with a giant rock. Ganyu moved back to look at you once more. Her eyes bored into you, prying the truth out from under your skin, bit by bit.

“What happened, love?” She asked, “We can talk about it if you would like to.��

You laid your head on her chest, sighing. The past few weeks had been awful, but you were far too exhausted to explain everything right now. “I’ll tell you in a bit...” A yawn interrupted your sentence halfway through. “I’m just- everything is just so exhausting.”

“You don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to.” She mumbled, kissing your head. “Let’s just sleep and cuddle tonight, does that sound okay?” You hummed, nodding your head as you snaked your arms around her waist. She chuckled at your actions, petting your head before picking you up and carrying you to your shared bedroom.

Then, Ganyu silently promised that, if she thought that you were having any kind of trouble, she would be there to help you. Not just today, but every moment in the future as well.

Xiao hates seeing you sad. Not only does it cause panic for him, but it also breaks his heart that pain could ever reach his favorite person. Out of everyone that he’s seen suffer, watching you fall into despair hurts the most.

He can always tell if you’re hiding something. He knows your mannerisms as well as he knows Liyue- which is very, very well.

The minute he sees any sadness on your face, he’ll gently slip his hand into yours, and intertwine your fingers. If you need to cry, it’s okay to. Even though Xiao is emotionally closed off, that doesn’t mean that he wants you to bottle up your feelings.

He’ll do whatever helps you. He’s not very reliable in terms of physical contact, but he’ll comply with whatever you want him to do nonetheless! He can’t promise that he can give you much, but the next time he goes out, he’ll return with a single Qingxin flower for you as comfort.

You felt like you had a blockage inside of your soul. Whenever you tried to rant and get something off of your chest, it never really felt like you were ranting. Words would fall out of your mouth, but you couldn’t feel anything. You just felt neutral all the time. People always asked you how you were calm about everything- how you kept smiling after every painful blow.

However, those smiles were empty actions- a mere facade to hide behind. In reality, you felt close to nothing, aside from the dull pain growing in your stomach. It was a kind of pain that kept lingering and building up with every day that passed. The world seemed so gray to you, every corner of your vision being lined with dull colors.

With every fight, with every monster that you eliminated, that pain grew. Every time you tried to eat, that pain would return, bringing nausea along with it. You didn’t know how to stop it, or why you felt so sad all the time. So, you worked until you couldn’t stay focused anymore. You tried to distract yourself from that sickening feeling, no matter the consequences.

People’s pity only made you more worried, and no one’s comfort could help so far. They constantly asked if you were okay- given the fact that you looked like you hadn’t slept in eight years, but you just smiled and continued on with your day. It was quite ironic how people asked that, yet pressured you into accepting commissions every chance they got.

At this point, you just wanted to sleep. No, no- you just wanted to let yourself cry. Every time you were on the verge of tears, you would imagine Xiao rubbing your back as you cried. You would get so lost in your own thoughts that your feelings would disappear as quickly as they came. You knew that you could call for him, but you knew he was out protecting Liyue, so you decided not to bother him.

Xiao visited you during the day, of course- helping you with any work that came up, offering you small kisses if you wanted them. Occasionally, he asked if you were alright. He didn’t pry too much, which was a big difference from the other people you had come across, and he let you choose whether or not you wished to tell him about your troubles.

But that might have been a mistake.

You were on the verge of crying again. Almost every day this week, you had forced your tears back, shoving every sob that came back down your throat. You couldn’t do it tonight. Not again. You were practically praying the archons you let you hold it in, to let you be strong- but even the Raiden Shogun knew that bottling up your emotions wasn’t strength. It was nothing more than destructive.

You clawed at the bedsheets, heaving into the cold night air. Tears streamed down either side of your face as the dam of emotions you had been holding finally broke. Everything felt so suffocating, and the darkness started to swallow you whole. You wanted comfort, you wanted to feel him again, but you couldn’t be selfish like that.

But why?

Why do you feel this way?

Isn’t it his job to help you?

You were shaking horribly, desperately trying to breathe, shaky sobs tearing from your lungs. Panic was coursing through your veins, rendering your limb useless. With the final moment you had before you completely broke down, you whimpered out the name you had been longing to say for weeks.

“X- Xiao…!”

A gust of wind blew through your hair as sparks of turquoise and green filled the room. You looked down at the Adeptus, who knelt before you on the floor. Agitation was practically written on his face. He stood up and grabbed your wrist, gently kissing your palm. A pang of anxiety hit him from seeing you so distraught.

“I knew something was wrong.” He whispered, “You shouldn’t keep these things to yourself, you know. I’m here for you.”

You reached out to hug him as he sat down next to you, to which he complied, squeezing you as you sobbed into his chest. It wasn’t like Xiao to show affection so easily, but in cases like these, he knew that he shouldn’t resist. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to, anyways. All he wanted was to see you smile again.

He hummed an old ballad into your hair as your tears soaked into his clothing. He could feel your sporadic heartbeat against his body, fast and loud in contrast to the calm beating in his chest. His eyebrows were furrowed as the familiar feeling of fear settled into his system. How long had you been holding this in? And why? Did you not trust him enough to comfort you?

Hours passed, and Xiao let those questions go unanswered. He let you stay with him, trying to comfort you in the best way possible. However, you had grown completely silent, and the only thing he could hear from you was soft breathing.

“(Y/n)?” He asked, looking down at your face.

You were out cold. He smiled as you nuzzled into his side- you could be so childish sometimes, he thought. Xiao leaned up against the wall, keeping you on his stomach. Soon enough, he started drifting off, his ideals for the Adepti flying out the window. Before he fell asleep, he stared at your sleeping face once more. Butterflies exploded in his stomach, causing him to scoff.

Oh, the things you do to him.

Childe doesn’t panic when you cry. Sure, he hates seeing you sad, but he’s had plenty of experience with his siblings, since it wasn’t uncommon for them to start crying randomly. So, he’ll try to do things that have helped his siblings.

He’ll test and observe with you- he’ll try verbal reassurance, physical comfort, food, whatever makes you happy. Childe often wishes that he could make things better for you, that he could help you stay happy- but he knows that can’t be the case all the time.

He still wants to try though! However, if you ask him to, he’ll just sit there with you in his arms, talking about nice memories of his siblings. You've told him that you liked his voice long before this, yet you never fail to remind him every day. Besides, what could be better than the comforting voice of the person you love the most?

At the end of the day, Childe will voluntarily drop everything for you if you’re sad- no matter what it is.

You felt cold. Everything felt so cold.

The lingering feeling of panic was like ice to you- every frost bitten chain wrapping around your nerves until you had no choice but to succumb to its empty threats. The threats that told you that you were worthless, the threats that stabbed your heart over and over again with icy feelings of solitude.

The sunny streets of Liyue seemed barren sometimes, and the people around you seemed faceless, all of them seeming to lack personality. None of them looked at you, none of them noticed you. Reality wasn’t like the dreams of joy and unity that flooded your mind every night- no, it was much harsher. You felt so alone, even when you were living in a city brimming with people.

It always got like this when you were stressed out. All of the colors would drain from your vision, and you would be forced to live in the cold until you couldn’t take it anymore. And every time was worse than the last. Every time you were overloaded with work, or were just having a bad day, your mind would start catastrophizing every little thing.

The colored lenses clouding your vision would shatter, and the cold would come rushing back to you. You couldn’t get comfort either because Childe was never home, due to his business with the Fatui. This only made you worry more.

You didn’t want him to get hurt, and you didn’t want to become a hindrance to him- it was against your morals to ask for assistance. You wished that these feelings would just dissipate, instead of needing comfort to get rid of them. That aspect only prolonged your suffering.

Today was just like the others, except you finally broke.

This afternoon, you chose to walk around Liyue for a bit. You were starting to feel stuffy from being inside all day, so you thought that you would get some groceries and food to make for dinner. You dragged yourself out of your room, and sluggishly walked to your front door. As soon as the light hit your face, you flinched, siding yourself from the light.

You collected yourself and continued walking down the street. It was unusually calm today, which was baffling, given the fact that the city of contracts was one of the most tourist-filled places in Teyvat. You clasped your hands together, taking in how cold they were. Everything felt so empty when you were outside.

People passed by you, but you were too lost in your own mind to notice. Your eyes were glued to the cement beneath your feet, and you felt like you were having a fever dream. You continued mindlessly walking until you bumped into someone. The haze cleared from your mind as the scent of Eucalyptus filled your nose.

Your gaze snapped upwards, finally registering who you had bumped into. Ah, Zhongli.

“A-ah, Zhongli! I’m sorry about that, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.” You apologized, frantically waving your hands around. The Archon looked at you, a gentle smile forming on his lips. He reached forward to brush your shoulders off before folding his hands behind his back once more.

“It’s quite alright.” He reassured you. “Are you excited to see Childe? I know things have been trying without him.”

You tilted your head in confusion- … wasn’t Childe supposed to come home in three days? Why would he come home so early? Thoughts flooded into your brain at Zhongli’s question, the confusion and slight panic shining behind your eyes. The man in front of you coughed to grab your attention.

“It seems you haven’t heard yet. A few Harbingers are coming to Liyue to handle some… negotiations. I thought you might want to catch him at some point.” He explained. Fear was coursing through your veins at this point- negotiations? What danger had the Eleventh Harbinger gotten himself into this time?

Nodding, you thanked Zhongli and sprinted back home. It was getting harder to breathe by the second as the icy chains of worry trapped you once again. You let out loud puffs of air as you slammed the door to your house. You raced to your room, trying to shove down the pain in your chest- trying to fight the cold.

Hours passed, and the sun had finally set. Every corner of your room was now dark, which didn’t help you at all. There you sat, on the bed, cheeks flushed and wet with tears. You were sobbing, begging for anyone to hear you. You wanted to be dragged out of the darkness. You wanted help.

You entangled your hands in your hair, and tugged gently, trying to ground yourself with the pain. You hurriedly wiped your eyes, moving to squeeze the blankets as if it were a person, when you felt two arms wrap around you. Through your tears, you caught glimpses of Childe, who’s condition was completely fine.

“Darling, what's wrong?” Childe asked, ushering you to his chest. He snaked a hand around your waist, and cradled the back of your head with the other. “How long have you been like this?”

More sobs vibrated through your body, as you babbled out strings of incomprehensible words that were meant to be sentences. Nausea started to build up in your stomach from the lack of air, causing you to fall into a coughing fit. Childe placed his hand on your chest, trying to help even out your breathing.

“Can you try to breathe for me, love?” He asked, smiling when you nodded and tried to calm down for him. You placed your hand over his and took a deep breath in. Soon enough, you had stopped sobbing, tiny whimpers being the only noise coming from you.

“There we go… that’s it.” Childe praised, trying to reassure you with his words. “You did so well for me….” He mumbled into your hair, kissing the top of your head with a kind of softness that he only used with you. You both let out sighs of relief as you sunk into each other’s presence.

“I missed you.” You said, “I was just stressed out… I’m sorry for crying all over you.”

Childe chuckled at your apology, hands running over your back. He truly didn’t deserve a person as good as you. You never failed to keep him warm. “No need to be sorry, I apologize for being gone for so long. I managed to come home early though!”

You laughed back at him, joy bursting from each giggle, despite the tears still running down the sides of your face. “Thank you for that- I’m glad you're alright!” Childe hugged you even harder, and shifted into a lying position so that you were on top of him.

The Eleventh Harbinger’s scent was so calming- so familiar. The warmth that emanated from his skin had the power to melt the lonely fields of ice surrounding you. You stayed like that for a few minutes, the silence becoming bliss to both of you. Then, you asked a question that he wasn’t expecting in a situation like this.

“Childe, can you tell me about your siblings?” You sighed, “I like the sound of your voice.”

Immediately, the man below you started grinning like an idiot. He was surprised by your request, but was happy to tell you some stories from his past. Not only that, but he had no idea that you like his voice so much. A small giggle escaped his throat at the compliment you gave him. He looked down at you, love glimmering in both of your eyes.

“Of course, my love. Anything for you.”

The rest of the night was spent talking about Tuecer and Tonia, along with whatever else came to your minds. And slowly, some of the ice began to melt.

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

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Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

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TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

[aspoonofsugar]

Ironwood and Cinder: The Final Word

Cinder: And that’s… checkmate.

The Final Word of the volume is Cinder’s and it is meaningful she says it to Ironwood.

As a matter of fact Ironwood and Cinder are two sides of the same coin on many levels. This is conveyed also structurally.

Volume 7 is mostly about Ironwood’s tragic spiral. We are shown him struggle with his flaw throughout the whole volume, but in the end he loses to it and becomes just as dangerous as Salem:

Oscar: Then you're as dangerous as she is, James.

Not only does volume 8 close with Cinder instead, but it also opens with her:

And it even gives us her backstory:

Why does it happen? And why is Cinder’s final line so important when it comes to her foiling with Ironwood?

GRAVITY

It is not by chance that Watts calls both Ironwood and Cinder out before the climax of respectively volume 7 (Ironwood) and volume 8 (Cinder). This is because, as stated above, volume 7 is Ironwood’s volume, while volume 8 is Cinder’s. So they both are confronted with a truth about themselves and their reaction to it influences their stories in the Atlas arc.

In a sense, even if Watts is the one dangerously hanging over an abyss... it is actually Ironwood and Cinder who are on the brink. They are deciding Watts’s survival, but they are also deciding their own destiny.

They are choosing if to fall because of gravity or if to fly in the sky victorious.

At the same time, the two scenes with Watts show how Cinder and Ironwood are both similar and opposites.

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW

Ironwood and Cinder are nothing, but two products of Atlas’s society.

Ironwood was born at the very top:

Watts: You just stood atop it and called yourself a giant!

Cinder existed at the very bottom:

Watts: You think you're entitled to everything just because you've suffered, but suffering isn't enough! You can't just be strong, you have to be smart! You can't just be deserving, you have to be worthy! But all you have ever been, is a BLOODY MIGRAINE!

Watts is in the middle and he represents the worst traits of both.

He wants everything, just like Cinder:

Ironwood: I gave you everything you could have wanted!

But differently from Cinder it was no true he had nothing. He was successful, had food, clothes and respect. Still, he was never satisfied and ended up disgracing himself in the search of something more.

He also disregards feelings in favor of rationality, just like Ironwood:

Watts: Our tin soldier’s heart has cost him his mind.

And he sees people under him as inherently inferior:

Watts: Yes, yes, please keep your posse in check.

This is why his death is fitting:

Cinder: I merely added more flames to the fires of Atlas.

He burns with Atlas aka the city he wants to destroy, but also a symbol of who he is deep down.

What is more, his death happens specifically because he blindly follows his wishes:

Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.

And because he is outsmarted and manipulated by Cinder:

Cinder: You deserve this, Arthur. We'll be back.

He is proud of his genius and rationality, but in the end he dies because of his feelings of pettiness.

In short, Watts, Cinder and Ironwood represent three social classes of Atlas and how the system corrupts people at every level. In general, all three want to be at the very top, but disreguard and mistreat the ones below.

-This is why Ironwood seeks control even in situations where he is not in charge, like the Vytal Festival. He also challenges Ozpin’s authority and leadership because he is not used not to be the one deciding. At the same time, he is shown ready to discard Mantle in multiple occasions.

-This is why Watts can call out Ironwood’s arrogance without seeing he is exactly the same as him.

-Finally, this is why Cinder lashes out at people she sees as Atlas elites (the Schnees, Ironwood, Watts), but treats those below her just like she was treated:

Emerald: We don't need him! Everything was going fine! (a slap is heard, and she cries out in pain)

Cinder: Do not mistake your place.

Mercury: Oh yeah? Tell that to--

Cinder: Quiet.

THE ENEMIES OF TRUST

Both Ironwood and Cinder’s left arms are artificial. Ironwood’s is mechanical, while Cinder’s is Grimm.

Their respective arms convey opposite approaches to things.

On a more general level, they are respectively linked to Creation (Ironwood’s mechanical arm) and to Destruction (Cinder’s Grimm arm). As a matter of fact a robotic arm is a human creation, while Grimms are nothing, but the symbol of destruction.

On a personal level, their arms hint at the two characters’ opposite personalities.

Ironwood’s arm can’t feel pain.

Cinder’s is instead linked to pain and feelings in different ways:

Raven: Aura can't protect your arm, it's Grimm.

Salem: You chose to disobey my specific instructions just to fail again.

Cinder: She’s back…

Cinder feels great pain whenever her Shadow Hand is cut because she can’t protect it with aura. At the same time, it is used by Salem to torture her. Finally, it links her to Salem to the point that she knows when her Master is back.

In other words, Cinder’s arm lets her feel more, while Ironwood’s lets him feel less.

This difference is mirrored by both the ways Ironwood and Cinder respectively attack Watts and by their semblances:

Ironwood’s Mettle lets Ironwood suppress his own feelings, so that he can pursue any objective, no matter how cruel or immoral it is. It makes him “superhuman”, but in a very negative sense.

Cinder’s Scorching Caress represents Cinder’s explosive emotions. It is a form of self-expression, which is both destructive and self-destructive.

Ironwood’s semblance is about repression, while Cinder’s is about lashing out.

Similarly, Ironwood goes after Watts at the cost of his arm and he ignores the pain he feels:

Watts: I wouldn't do that if I were you. I mean, unless you're hoping to add more metal to that body of yours.

Cinder instead goes after Watts to vent her anger:

Cinder: What do you mean, she'll destroy herself? How am I supposed to take her power if she's dead?!

Both are extremes and both are wrong, as Winter explains:

Winter: But yes Penny, we must still acknowledge our personal feelings, wrestle with them. It ensures us that we’re on the right path. It’s what makes us human.

Ironwood and Cinder should aknowledge their own feelings not to be consumed by them.  It is also the only way for them to truly be humans, not machines or monsters, but simply people.

Both characters almost succeed just before the climax of their respective volumes.

Ironwood tries to open up to others:

And Cinder shows vulnerability:

However, none of them is able to capitalize on this chance for development. This is ironically because of each other:

Cinder messes with Ironwood’s insecurities, while Ironwood’s ultimatum gives Cinder the perfect chance to ignore hers.

The result is that Ironwood goes back to control, while Cinder goes back to manipulation. Both do so because they are unable to trust.

Interestingly, they take after their respective mentors in this.

Ironwood takes after Ozpin:

Ironwood: Did you really think you were the only one who got to work on a new plan after Beacon? WIth Ozpin gone, I needed my own team of people I could trust.

Oscar: General? Earlier, you asked for my advice.

Ironwood: I wanted Ozpin's advice.

Oscar: And his advice probably would've been to keep your secrets.

Cinder takes after Salem:

Salem: When I chose you as my vessel for the Maidens, I put my trust in you. So, I trust that you wouldn’t possibly return to me empty-handed.

Ironwood’s whole struggle in volume 7 is his search for a “new approach”. He wants to be like Ozpin, but better. This is why he founds his own group, but wants to trust the world with the truth about Salem. However, he confuses trust with control.

Cinder instead wants to become just like Salem and suffers when she sees she is not. This is why she collects assets, just like her master. This is also why she does not trust anyone, but manipulates others.

That said, what is the difference between Ironwood’s control and Cinder’s manipulation? It has once again to do with feelings.

Ironwood’s attempt to manipulate others is about suppressing feelings. He uses Atlas’s military hierarchy and social structures to ask for his subordinates’ blind loyalty.

Cinder’s method to control people lies instead in making use of others’ feelings. She uses both wishes and fears to her advantage.

In short, control and manipulation are nothing, but the same inability to trust declined in opposite ways. They are both “enemies of trust”.

This is why both Ironwood and Cinder find a strong enemy and a foil in the character, who embodies friendship in these volumes:

Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder not trusting others is because they fear betrayal:

Cinder: I won’t have to run now.

Rhodes: That’s all you’ll ever do.

Ironwood: I've chased a lot of shadows over the years, always expecting betrayal. But never once did I think it would ever come from you.

However, Penny too is betrayed and mistreated by others:

Penny: I do not like it when friends fight.

Ruby: I know. Yang and I may not agree on how best to save Mantle but-

Penny: No. I mean Winter. The general. They were our friends. But then the Ace Ops attacked you. And the general, he said people were going to die, because of me.

 However, she does not give up on the ideal of a genuine bond:

Attached but not By strings

Still, if Penny is a positive foil to both Ironwood and Cinder, why does she die?

RISK

Weiss: Trust is a risk.  

Yang: Ruby, they’re not called sure things, they’re called risks.

These two lines taken together are why at the end of volume 8 Penny dies, our heroes fall and the manipulative Cinder wins.

It happens to show the main theme of the two Atlas volumes. Trust is not a “sure thing”. It is a risk and it does not always work. Still, it is necessary to trust as it is necessary to take risks:

Yang: You were being optimistic. Look, blind optimism isn’t great, but no optimism means we already lost. We need hope. We need to take risks.

Giving up on trust and risks means giving up on hope. It means to give in to fear.

Still, this does not mean your trust will always be paid back. And it does not mean that the risks you take will always work, even if you come up with a wonderful plan:

Cinder: I knew your plan would be bold, but I never could have predicted all of this...

Sometimes people will betray you:

Sometimes your risk will end up in a fall:

However, it is still worth to trust, even when you have no guarantee it will work:

And sometimes It is even worth to risk the fall because it may lead to people being saved:

This same idea is conveyed also through Penny’s final choice:

Penny: Trust me.

Winter: Thank you for trusting me with this.

Penny dies tragically, but she still manages to pass the Maiden’s power to a person she trusts.

This is especially meaningful because the Winter Maiden power, just like Penny herself, has been subjected to both control and manipulation.

Ironwood does all he can to make sure the power ends up to Winter. At the same time, he is the one most responsible for Penny feeling as nothing, but a robot:

Ironwood: As the official report stated, that footage was doctored. Penny is completely under my control.

Cinder tries to steal the power three times. She also manipulates Penny’s feelings towards her friends:

Cinder: I was hoping your friends would be here. But it looks like they left you to do all the work. You’re just a tool to be used!

In the end, Ironwood treating Penny as a machine (control) and Cinder using Penny’s love for her friends against her (manipulation) are among the psychological factors that lead Penny to be mortally wounded by Cinder.

Still, while dying Penny negates both Ironwood and Cinder and frees the power and herself from both control and manipulation.

The fact she chooses Winter works well to illustrate this.

Winter is the person Ironwood wants as the next Maiden. However, Winter becomes a Maiden not because of Ironwood’s control, but because of Penny’s trust:

Ironwood: So… the destiny I chose for you has arrived.

Winter: You chose nothing. This...was a gift.

Winter is a Schnee, so she represents both what Cinder hates and what she herself wants to be:

Cinder to Winter: You Atlas elites are all the same! You think hoarding power means you’ll have it forever, but it just makes the rest of us hungrier.

Winter is a symbol of Atlas and so she is a reminder to Cinder that Atlas is not really destroyed:

Robyn: What do you think a kingdom is? The people, or just the chunk of land they live on?

Just like Cinder’s past isn’t.

WORTHY

Cinder wants to be worthy. Ironwood wants to be a hero.

Deep down, Ironwood and Cinder want the same thing. They want to be above others. They want to be more than humans.

However, they go at it in opposite ways:

Ironwood: I have sacrificed everything!

Cinder: I want it all...

Ironwood thinks that victory lies in sacrificing everything, while Cinder sees it as taking it all.

These opposite viewpoints mirror their respective social stances.

Ironwood can say he wants to sacrifice everything because he has everything.

Cinder thinks happiness lies in everything because she has nothing:

Cinder: You’re right. Without you I am nothing. But because of you, I am everything.

In the end, Ironwood and Cinder are each other’s true enemies, but they fail to see it and lash out against the wrong people:

Ironwood and Cinder’s respective fight against Winter and Weiss is exactly this.

Ironwood fights a Maiden he sees as an enemy of Atlas, while another Maiden is attacking the people he swore to protect.

Cinder lashes out at Weiss because of her origins, while Weiss has decided to leave her status and money behind to make the right thing.

Still, Ironwood and Cinder are too hypocritical to see the truth. This is why they attack people, who could have helped them, if they were given the chance.

This is also why they receive a warning:

Winter: No, you have sacrificed everyone else!

Winter: You… are going to pay… for everything you’ve done!

Ironwood claims he is ready to sacrifice everything. However, he never sacrifices himself:

In the end, he is unable to sacrifice his life to fight Salem.

Let’s highlight he has nothing to lose by this point. He is falling with Atlas anyway. In his final moments, he is given the chance to prove true to his words:

I would die Without regret, I’d offer up my life With zero reservations I would fly Into the sun If that would keep our dream alive

Instead, he gives up. He has been shooting his allies until the very end, but freezes in front of his enemy.

Cinder thinks she is closer to her final victory, but in the end she has accomplished nothing of what she truly wants.

She wants to kill RWBY, but they are alive. She wants the Maiden powers, but she fails.

At the same time, Cinder is still far away from what she truly needs:

Cinder: You have everything you need?

Watts: Oh, believe me, this is everything I've ever wanted.

She is given a perfect mirror of herself in Watts. Still, instead of seeing it, Cinder uses his flaw, which is her same flaw, to kill him. Watts’ wants lead to his death and the same thing might happen to Cinder if she does not stop herself in time.

Finally, there is this:

Salem: This game is not yours to win, Cinder, it’s mine. Just because you’re more valuable to me than a pawn, does not make you a player. Everything is already in motion. All you need concern yourself with is your ability to act when I tell you to.

Ironwood and Cinder share a chess motif.

Ironwood thinks of himself as a player and specifically as Salem’s opponent.

Cinder is instead told she is no player.

However, in the end, Ironwood becomes a mere pawn to the point that all Watts has to do is to open his cell to be sure he is going to unwillingly aid in Cinder’s plan.

What is more, he is so fixated on Salem that he fails to aknowledge the people below him. This is why his true opponent is a slave that Atlas exploited.

Cinder frames herself as a player instead. She is the one who truly makes the first move against Ironwood and ultimately she is the one who defeats both him and our protagonists. Finally, she is the one who calls checkmate.

Still, is she really playing her own game?

In the end, the one who gets what she wants is not Cinder, but Salem:

And all she has to do to obtain it is one small move:

Salem: And I’ve realized, it’s all my fault. You’ve fought your whole life unwaveringly for what you want and here I am holding you back instead of lifting you up.

While Cinder is once again letting her talent be exploited by those above her. She is choosing to be Salem’s Queen instead than a player of her own life.

She is the Black Queen defeating the White King, but nothing more.

[astrowithkaro]

I love your birthday series! Could you do July 6th please?

Language Of Birthdays: July 6 - Cancer

The Day Of Magnetic Desire

Those born on July 6 are invariably involved in relationships and careers where there is a mutual attraction/magnetism working with the object of their desire. There is a fatalistic cast to the lives of July 6 people in that life decisions sometimes seem less like choices than inevitabilities for them.

The passion shown by July 6 people toward their fixation, whatever it happens to be may seem unalterable once set, particularly in their younger days. Indeed, for July 6 people, the emotional motivation to do something can override consideration of an endeavor aforethought and make for a kind of fait accompli. For example, they may get it into their mind that they must have another person as a lover or friend. Or perhaps they are possessed of a desire for a prize, award, career or office. It is also possible that they are magnetically drawn to money or sex, independent of any specific object or person.

The dangers of these magnetic desires to the July 6 person are manifold. The shock, disappointment and grief attendant to losing the object of their desire can be catastrophic, and if, indeed, they have put all of their eggs in one basket, they may have ignored or overlooked some more obviously sensible object for their affections or ambition, even for years. Later they may become bitter on the subject and be filled with regret. If more general areas (like sex and money for example) are the object of their desire, they will of course come into contact with all kinds of human energy, both positive and negative. Those born on this day who surrender body and soul to desire may compromise their ideals, self-interest and even self- respect as they become entangled repeatedly in unhealthy relationships.

Though maturity may come at a considerable cost, most born on this day eventually learn through experience to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of an endeavour or conquest before setting their sights on it. More highly evolved July 6 people realize that desire in itself can be positive but that attachment to objects and a refusal to let go can be very destructive. These more advanced individuals understand that one must keep moving on in life, not getting stuck, obsessed, dependent, and mired in one's emotions. They will use their magnetic abilities to further their personal growth, learning, consciousness and spiritual outlook.

Having the inside track on magnetic desire, July 6 people face great challenge and responsibility. The principal lesson they must learn is to treat each day, each moment, each person with whom they interact, with care and kindness, rather than devoting all their energy to a single object of desire (which ultimately leads to jealousy, envy, possessiveness and all sorts of frustrations). Best of all, those born on July 6 may find that dropping obsessiveness for a lighter, more well-rounded approach to life can prove to be like trading in a heavy burden for new-found joy.

Strengths:

Attractive

Intent

Involved

Weaknesses:

Obsessive

Stuck

Addictive

Advice

July 6 people periodically need time off from their work and relationships to be alone, in order to develop self-control and awareness. As described, those born on this day manifest a kind of addictive behaviour to life in general, so of course they must avoid habit-forming drugs of all sorts. They must also beware of food and drink addictions, or worse yet harmful starvation diets in which they deny themselves essential nutrients. If possible, they should eat a well-rounded, balanced diet and not get stuck in any food obsessions or fetishes.

Learn to move on

Keep your mind open to new experiences and change

Develop your willpower and insight in order to withstand addictive or harmful temptations

Enjoy yourself in an easy way

Keep it light

[starleska]

when Logic twists: an analysis of Logan, cognitive distortions, and a future Side

spoilers ahead! this is a little deep-dive into some foreshadowing in the latest Sanders Sides episode, and what i believe the team are going for in terms of Logan’s arc. just some thoughts i had after the episode - i hope you enjoy, and would love to hear your thoughts too :) tw for discussion around mental illness, trauma, abuse, intrusive thoughts, therapy, etc. 

so, we all know that Thomas does a marvellous job portraying difficulties with mental health. he uses interactions between his Sides to carve out fun stories that dramatise the the internal struggles which come with facing complex situations, including those which arise from your specific history and mental illnesses. the writing behind Sanders Sides often uses consideration of real symptoms and therapeutic techniques in order to impart useful advice to the audience who may be struggling with similar issues. with all of this in mind, i thoroughly believe that a good chunk of you are correct about this new Side (foreshadowed in Logan’s eyes) being Wrath, or some variant of Stress or Anger, and here’s why: 

Logan is the side of Thomas which is constantly needing to pick up the slack. not only does he spend a good deal of his time de-escalating conflict between the other Sides, he is constantly letting his own dreams (and consequently, needs) fall by the wayside to comfort, validate and assist Thomas' overall desires. we even literally see him benched during the court case with Janus - his input is considered unimportant unless he is deemed as the voice of reason. with this understanding, Logan is viewed by the other Sides as a Side who doesn’t need help. He’s Logic, so they believe he always knows what is appropriate, and how to control himself - or even that he doesn’t need to control himself at all.  yet i don’t believe this to be the case, and i think ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ foreshadows this in an intriguing way: by utilising the dynamic between Logan and Remus. for context, i am speaking as an individual who suffers from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), a form of PTSD. whilst the Thomas we know in the Sanders Sides universe is of course somewhat sanitised and simplified for the easier imparting of moral lessons, we know that this Thomas suffers from issues with intrusive thoughts, low self-esteem, and high anxiety. whether or not these can all be attributed to an underlying condition is irrelevant, but what is intriguing is whether these symptoms are being exacerbated by traumatic, triggering or otherwise stressful events affecting Thomas’ life - which, based on the direction ‘Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts’ went (using the relationship with Nico as a conduit), i think is true. when you experience a number of traumatic events or an acute amount of stress, your Logic can become faulty. let’s think about Logan not as a super-genius who just knows what is the correct thing to do all of the time: his knowledge comes from a bank of information and experiences, which he constantly uses to provide a ‘rational’ stance next to the more ‘emotional’ traits of each Side. yet Logic relies on evidence in order to build up this ‘rationality’. let’s think about a scenario wherein you are told every day by someone that you are ugly. now, if this occurred later in life, your Logic might have already rationalised that this is not the case - that you are beautiful just as you are, that this person is seeking to hurt you, that they are projecting, etc. your Logic would make those reasonable counterpoints based on past experience. however, if you were told by multiple people throughout your life, every day, that you are ugly - say, from caregivers, or close friends - you would internalise ‘i am ugly’ as part of that internal Logic. in the first scenario, you would be able to accurately evaluate the thought, ‘i am ugly’ as a cognitive distortion. however, in the latter scenario, you may be unable to, because you have this bank of ‘evidence’ that other people perceive this as reality. even if those people are abusers, or have an ulterior motive, the notion will be internalised and become your reality - so your Logic will say, ‘i am ugly, based on all of the evidence.’  i find this interesting because in this latest episode, they specifically had Logan call attention to cognitive distortions. we must remember that Logan is a part of Thomas. this is Thomas attempting to rationalise with himself, to implement mindfulness and CBT techniques which he knows to be successful, because they have worked in the past and he has it on scientific authority that they help with intrusive thoughts. but this leads us to a question: what happens when you experience so many traumatic events, or so much stress, that your Logic turns against you and begins to validate your intrusive thoughts?  imagine for a moment Logan’s awesome rational power - but levied in support of all of Thomas’ deepest fears. in my own experience with CPTSD, a horribly thorny mental trap is the one you fall into when you start down the path of ‘i must be a horrible person, just like they said. i must have deserved everything done to me. look at all of the evidence.’ these thoughts often appear rational due to the intense nature of the sufferer’s pain, particularly if that pain is repeated or prolonged. i believe that Logan’s outburst, paired with Thomas’ fretting over not receiving a call back from Nico, are supposed to represent the building stages of this mental trap. such thoughts are difficult to emerge from, but they become even more difficult to deal with when met with a powerful emotion: Rage. if you have cause to think thoughts of the ‘i am a disgusting human being’ variety thanks to trauma, stress or similar negative events, often there is a good deal of pent-up Rage stored alongside. justifiable Rage, one might say - it certainly feels so in the mind of someone who has suffered so terribly. if one is prone to hating themselves, feeling inadequate or other fertile breeding ground for intrusive thoughts, they may also sometimes snap into the opposite extreme - becoming infuriated by everything that has happened to them, and that they are still needing to deal with yet more pain in the present. this is something i have suffered from personally: when mixed with trauma, it is equal parts emotional dysregulation, and being triggered by something. you might be enRaged by the idea that you were ever ‘passive’ as a victim of something terrible, and want to ‘fight back’. in other words, the emotional state of your Rage will feel justified - and this can cause you to engage in some deeply destructive behaviours. this is why i believe this new Dark Side will be Rage (or an equivalent). Logan’s ‘STOP IGNORING ME!’ speaks of a breaking point brought on by years of fixing other people’s problems, only to receive very little in return. there’s a misconception that people who are ‘good’ at handling stress or fixing other people’s problems (i.e., not showing much of the strain) are simply less stressed as a whole, and therefore should be saddled with yet more stress. Logan’s screaming at Remus, and Remus’ delight at Logan’s response, shows us that Logan is exhausted from all of the hard work that he’s had to do in order to fight Thomas’ intrusive thoughts and cognitive distortions, alongside the massive amount of stress in his life. likewise, by giving into his impulsivity and opening up more opportunities for further stress, Thomas has allowed Logan - and his Logic - to become vulnerable to Remus and intrusive thoughts. Logan may have successfully been able to dispel the intrusive thoughts which had no basis in reality (for instance, a murderer hiding in Thomas’ closet) - but what happens if Thomas is given validation for an intrusive thought? in other words - what if Logan feels he has reason to listen to Remus? i believe this Rage has been simmering within Thomas for a long time, and his debut is going to be explosive. there are lots of ways this debut could be written; some have theorised that Logic and Rage will be a kind of antithesis to the Creativitwins, wherein the two are fused as Thomas has internalised his Rage as having a Logical root. this would have Rage not as a separate side, but a kind of version or alternate mindset for Logan, a bit like how he was when in Virgil’s room. i would not be surprised at all for this episode to include both Remus and Janus - Remus, revelling in the intrusive thoughts which Logan/Rage is now allowing to fly free, and Janus, delighting in Logan/Rage’s validation of destructive behaviours, which may well include Deceit. i could also see Virgil being drawn in by this irresistible combination of Anxiety-fuelling thoughts - intrusive thoughts inspiring inadequacy, Deceit inspiring fear of being found out, and the terror of Logic being twisted to validate every fear Virgil has ever had for Thomas. you know when someone has hurt you really badly, and so in your head you come up with countless (awful, unrealistic, hurtful) ways to ‘get back at them’? that’s what i think the next Sanders Sides episode is going to be like.  of course, like Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts and Deceit, Rage will have his uses too. i believe, if any of this theorising is correct, that the next Sanders Sides episode will follow a narrative discussing if Rage is justified when one is hurt to a massive extreme, and what Logic can one follow when it backs up every destructive impulse. are you being Logical if you are full of Rage? basically, i think Logan (influenced by a breaking point and giving over to Rage) is going to do everything in his power to be destructive, under the idea that it is the only Logical thing to do. i believe he will fall to the horrific power of cognitive distortions and mental illness, and that the other Sides will need to use their strengths to bring him back. anyway, that’s all my thoughts! my apologies for any inaccuracies, or if anything in here was upsetting. i’d love to hear what you think about this, and your own theories! :D take care 💏

[romantichopelessly]

Line Without a Hook

Happy holidays @romanapologist ! I am so so so sorry that this @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift comes to you so late, but I am very bad at checking my email and just found out that I was going to be your pinch hitter. I hope that you enjoy this Intruality hurt/comfort anyway. It came with some help from my wonderful friend @sunshineandteddybears as well.

Words: 2.6k

Summary: When Patton's entire world view is challenged--when he doesn't even know who he is supposed to be anymore, help comes from an unexpected source. Maybe things can be okay after all.

Warnings: This is hurt/comfort, so there is a happy ending. Before that there is descriptions of intrusive thoughts, guilt, depression and negative self talk.

----

Morality was a bit more complex than Thomas had been led to believe when he was younger. No, a lot more complex. When Thomas was just a kid the rules were clear cut. Simple. Don’t fight with your brothers. Do as your parents tell you to. Respect your teachers. Say please and thank you. Don’t lie.

Or do?

Were even those simple, childhood rules concrete anymore? Janus’s words suggested otherwise. And from what Patton could tell, the snake-like side was right. Had been right for a while now, just muffled by Patton’s own ignorance and… pride. His insistence that he had to be the one to help Thomas out of every situation. Was the foundation that Patton had built everything on--Thomas’s feelings, his motivations, his perception of the world--even stable?

Patton himself sure wasn’t.

Even now, sitting in his sepia-toned room, surrounded by stuffed animals and memorabilia that could usually comfort him, when Patton closed his eyes, he could see the green on the edges of his vision. He could hear his own voice, distorted and croaking, feel his heart racing again, the knowledge that he had hurt Thomas, his Thomas, and that he was responsible for years of grief-

Patton choked back on a sob. The lump in his throat was almost unbearable. He pressed his mouth into the back of his panda pillow pet to muffle the sound.

The only thing worse than sitting alone in his room with the crushing knowledge of his failure was the possibility that someone would hear him and come to check on him. The idea of one of the other sides--one of his friends--seeing him like this, weeks after the incident, was unacceptable.

He could just imagine the look of pity that would cross their face. Roman would look so heartbroken to find Patton in such a state. Virgil would probably extend the same amount of kindness that Patton had always shown when he found Virgil in the midst of a panic attack. (But had Patton been kind to do so? Or was it just another form of selfishness? An act born out of guilt for shutting Virgil out for so many years. Was Patton only kind because someone told him to be once? Did he actually love any of them at all? Or was he just destructive?) Logan- Patton was ashamed to admit that he was not sure how Logan would react. He was sure that it would be heartachingly sweet, though. He would probably say something poignant and true that would make Patton feel stupid for ever feeling bad in the first place.

If one of the d- the others found Patton…

It wasn’t like Patton had been avoiding them. In fact, in the days following the… incident… Patton had gone out of his way to seek them out. Janus had been wary at first, and it broke Patton’s heart a bit. The look of distrust in his two-toned eyes. The slight curl of his lip. Confusion? Suspicion? Patton couldn’t tell at the time, and although it had replayed again and again in his mind ever since, he still was not quite sure.

He liked to think that he was doing the right thing now. That he could make things right.

But who was he to judge that anymore?

It was obvious, now, that he had never known what was truly right. He was only just deluded enough, just stupid enough, to assume that his function as Thomas’s Morality was infallible. But his versions of right were wrong. Catastrophically so. Up was down. Left was right. Black was white. Or was gray the new goal? That sounded like something that Janus would say. He was still confused about it.

He was just so stupid.

Another sob was stuck in the back of Patton’s throat. His eyes burned, shame and guilt curling in his stomach in an ugly flash of putrid green and black.

He had carried Thomas’s heart on his sleeve and on his shoulders. And he had buckled under the pressure.

And now Thomas was cracked. And no one knew if it was fixable, least of all Patton.

Grounding. Patton knew, distantly, that he needed to ground himself. But it was borderline impossible with tears clouding his vision and pooling in the frames of his glasses.

How could anyone ground themselves when it felt like the ground was opening underneath them?

Did he even deserve to be grounded? Didn’t Patton deserve to feel this way? After everything that he had done to Thomas, to Virgil, by ignoring his obvious discomfort at Patton’s over exuberant displays of love, to Janus, by pushing his contributions aside for years, hell, even to Logan and Roman. Not to mention Remus, who Patton still did not have the guts to spend more than ten minutes alone with. Who was so, painfully, obviously bereft of love and craving attention. Who looked at Patton like he was a friend, like he was something to smile at, even though Patton had shown him time and time again the exact opposite.

A gasping sob wrenched its way out of Patton’s chest before he could muffle himself with his panda. He didn’t deserve that kind of a second chance. He really, really didn’t.

He deserved nothing other than to sit here alone in his room, with nothing other than his own guilt.

In fact, Patton should probably just stay there, in his room forever. He could do his work as Thomas’s heart and emotions from here, and really that was all that he had ever been any good for anyway.

There was a loud POP from the far side of Patton’s room that startled him into raising his head up from his pillow pet.

Across the room, just beside the door, stood Remus. Patton blinked, stunned. His hair was disheveled, which was not out of the ordinary, the silver streak that ran through his brunette locks sticking up in a wild cow lick. The purple eyeshadow that encircled his eyes gave the unique impression that he was startled. Or perhaps deranged.

“...Remus?” Patton’s voice came out in a weak, watery croak that made him wince. Tears were still fogging his vision, so he couldn’t quite see Remus’s reaction to such a sad sight.

“Pattycake?” The usually taunting nickname sounded surprisingly… soft. The Duke’s voice was almost… gentle. It nearly shocked Patton into stopping crying. Nearly. “What’s up?”

“I’m fine.” Patton responded immediately. Reflexively. He didn’t even bother to try for a smile though, even he knew that it would be weak.

“Don’t try that.” Remus’s voice was steady. He still hadn’t moved from his station at the door. “I could hear you bawling your eyes out from the hallway.”

Patton closed his eyes. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He had been too loud. They had probably all heard him in here, crying like a baby over his own stupid mistakes. And now Remus was here, and could see him, all blotchy and red in the face, his hair messy from when he had been running his hands through it earlier before covering it with the hood of his cat hoodie. Remus was here, and he knew that Patton wasn’t okay right now. Remus was here, and he sounded… sympathetic.

Patton sniffed pathetically. “I’m sorry.” Remus blinked this time, tilting his head at an awkward angle. He looked confused. Patton continued on. “I didn’t mean to be so loud.”

Remus was silent for a moment. Patton took a couple of deep breaths, trying to stop himself from crying.

“Can I come sit with you?” Remus asked.

Patton swallowed. There was no use in denying the Duke. He pulled his knees closer to himself and gestured to the open space beside him. Remus had crossed the room in an instant and dropped unceremoniously down next to Patton.

“Who upset you?”

Patton looked up, surprised once again. It wasn’t unusual for Remus to say shocking or surprising things, he embodied Thomas’s intrusive thoughts. However, the level of… concern that Remus was showing at the moment was not something that Patton expected.

“If someone said something to you, I can remove their toenails and glue them to their forehead for you.”

Patton bit back a wince. That was more like the Remus that he was becoming used to.

“No one.” Patton answered, truthfully. Remus looked skeptical, so he continued. “No one said anything to me, really. I just… Get down sometimes.”

Remus looked confused. “You mean like depression?”

Patton curled back at the word, as though it were a physical blow.

“Well, fuck, Patty!” Remus sounded much brighter now, and when Patton looked back up, he could see that the other side was smiling. “You could have just said so!”

“It’s not just… that.” Even now, Patton was unable to say it. Unable to admit to it. “I’ve been… thinking.”

“Sounds dangerous.”

The joke startled a chuckle from Patton. It was choked and sad sounding, but it made Remus wiggle proudly nevertheless. Patton sniffed again. “No, not like that, sorry. I just mean that I’ve been… thinking about Thomas. About everything that’s been changing lately.” Patton stared across the room at a painting by 12 year old Thomas that was hanging on his wall. “About… how I’ve been holding him back. I can’t stop thinking about it, no matter what I do to try and fix things.”

“Then don’t!”

Patton blinked in confusion, tilting his head in confusion as he sniffed one more. “Huh?” he couldn’t help but mumble out. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t try to fix things.” The Duke grinned widely, showing off teeth. He seemed so proud of himself, but Patton was still confused. How could he not try to fix things? He kept messing things up, so he had to find a way to do it right this time. He needed to. “But-” A hand clamped onto his back, making him startle and tense. It left just as quickly as it came, Remus pulling it away as if he had been burned.

“Oops, sorry. Forgot to ask if that was okay.”

Patton frowned. He hadn’t meant to make the other side feel like touching him had been a bad thing. He typically loved physical affection! He just hadn't expected it, that’s all! But now he went and made Remus feel bad, because apparently that was all he could do lately-

“Anyways,” the Duke continued, his tone unbothered, “you don’t have to fix everything, Pattycakes. Especially by yourself. Sometimes things aren’t as broken as you think they are, and don’t really need fixing at all. Sometimes things fix better when you leave them alone and let time work itself out. And sometimes, you take it to a specialist who knows better than you on how to fix it.” That sounded… rather wise. It was more than a bit unexpected, coming from a side that was currently picking his nose as he gave his advice. But Patton was quickly learning that the others had more to offer than their appearance suggested.

Still... “How do I know which kind of thing this is?”

“You don’t.” Well, that was disappointing. “At least, I never do. Not right away. After a while you start to figure it out, but even then you can still mess up sometimes. But that’s okay.” Grinning a little more softly, Remus looked right into Patton’s eyes. “No matter what, you got others around who can help you. Even when you don’t think you need it, or aren’t allowed to ask for it, they’re there. Like plumbers or doctors! Better to use them than to play handyman or diagnose yourself with WebMD. Get your kids fucking vaccinated Karen!”

A startled laugh escaped Patton at that. He was a little in disbelief over the suddenness of it, but he sounded a little less like he was going to burst into more tears.

Remus seemed to take that as a victory as he cackled quietly himself. “I’m not sure if anything I’m saying makes any sense, but things are gonna be okay. Your world’s been shaken to its core, but it’s still in one piece. Mostly. Just gotta adapt now.” Patton rubbed at his eyes with his sleeve, they felt puffy and a little itchy, as he hummed in thought. “But what about Thomas and everyone else? The pain I’ve caused them…” “Did you say sorry?”

“Well, yes-” “Then the only thing you can do now is learn and work to do better next time.” Remus sounded so sure, so certain. But it couldn’t be that easy could it? “You don’t gotta keep apologizing for the same stuff. We’ve all done bad things before, me especially! Thomas is still standing, and not too worse for wear.” He couldn’t deny the truth of that. Thomas was still more or less in one piece. “He’ll be okay, and so will we. So will you.”

A small smile formed on Patton’s lips. It wobbled and didn’t go very far, but it was genuine. It was hard to shake away his worries, his fears, of the damage he caused and the future, how he’d fit in it. But Remus’s words helped. Made the knot in his chest loosen just a bit. “Thank you Remus.” The Duke stared wide eyed at him, suddenly seeming shocked and dazed. “Remus?”

The other jumped, snapping out of whatever spell he was under. “H-huh? Oh!” Dusting of pink coated Remus’ cheeks, stretched up as he smiled brightly. “Sorry. Not used to people thanking me. Also your smile is fucking adorable.” Now it was Patton’s turn for pinkened cheeks. “Oooooh that little blush is cute too! And it goes to your ears!”

Oh, that was embarrassing.

“Stoooooop!” He whined out, burying his now red face into his pillow pet again.

“Oh. Not okay to say, gotcha.” Patton’s head shot up at that, in time to see Remus frown down at his shoes. “You know I just sorta blurt out everything that comes to mind.”

“No, it’s okay.” Patton said, uncurling a little bit more. “I just felt embarrassed that’s all. It’s silly.” Remus’s frown deepened and he shook his head.

“Silly isn’t bad, but your feelings aren’t silly. So if you don’t like it, just say so. It’s not gonna hurt me any.” It was an easy out Remus was giving him, allowing him a chance to put barriers between them. But Patton was trying to move past those, wanted to move past them.

“No, it’s okay. I promise.” Slowly, Patton reached out and stuck out his pinky. “Pinky promise.” Remus snorted at that, but there was a playful gleam in his eyes. He wrapped his own pinky, that thankfully wasn’t from the nose picking hand, around Patton’s and cackled.

“In Japan, when someone makes a pinky promise they have a saying that threatens the person promising to not lie, or else they’ll cut off their finger and punch them ten thousand times and make them swallow a thousand needles.” That was a very gruesome image that Patton wished he hadn’t pictured. “Don’t worry though, I won’t do that to you. I like your hands too much.”

“O-oh?” Remus liked his hands? That was nice.. Maybe? “Why my hands?” “Well I like everything about you Pattycakes. So naturally, hands fall under that category.” Heat returned to Patton’s cheeks, blooming them in pink once more. “Awww the blush is back!” Remus shrieked with glee, kicking his feet wildly. “Wanna watch a movie?” The non sequitur nature of the question had the moral aspect blinking before he could fully process it.

“Um..” He didn’t really want to leave his room just yet, he didn’t feel quite ready. But a movie sounded nice, and he found himself wanting to spend more time in the Duke’s company. “Can we watch it in here?”

“You got it Pattycakes!”

Relief and a surprising… warmth filled him at that, his smile growing a little bit more. “Thanks.”

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Hey!!! This is the anon from before! You are not a horribly materialistic person and you don’t sound like one either! You sound like you are experiencing a compulsion to do something under a lot of emotional stress (which translates to physical stress). Exactly why it ends up being this specific thing (wanting to spend all savings when you feel self-prevented from those other things) may have a root meaning, and may in most ways not. May just be something you repeated as a cycle a few times but then latched onto mentally as the pattern. I can’t claim to be an expert. If I were looking at a potential meaning, it could be spending all savings is actually another harm. And you know that, so when you successfully avoid the other forms but of course the drive still is afflicting you, the focus turns to the financial self destruct. It does not sound at all like the usual “retail therapy” pattern, and honestly some or even most of those people are probably engaging in intentional (on some level) harm through it. It just gets self-explained with either positive (“got to shop!”) or negative (“eww why am I materialistic?”) narratives… depending on which your values most support… but neither tell what’s going on.

Hope any of that made sense, if it’s unwelcome please ignore 🌻

Anon you are so so sweet 💕 thank you again for reaching out to me ☺️💕💕

I’m going to try my best to respond to all of your points! (But I firstly just wanted to comment on the anon you asked me not to post - you are fully correct and that’s exactly what I was saying ahaha. At least I know some people understand what I mean when I say it even if I’m not explicit 😂)

- thank you for saying I don’t sound that way , that actually really means a lot 😊💕💕 and I agree it definitely feels like a compulsion of some kind. I don’t want to just slap my OCD diagnosis on it but it could be coming from that, who knows aha. But you are right it’s definitely another form of harm and it’s really sad that so many people struggle with it.

That’s an interesting point about the addiction too! I’ve been lucky enough to never struggle with a substance addiction, but I do know I have a very addictive personality (which is a little part of the reason I’ve never tried any d****) so that could have a play in it as well. I’ve mentioned to my support workers/ psychologists in the past that if rep addicted to SH at some points so maybe it had a similar affect on the brain? Who knows.

I’m really sorry those people you know have had others make them feel that way :( that’s so awful.

You are so right though. Understanding doesn’t always help the thing go away. Sometimes it’s so much easier to just go with it.

I hope those close to you are going okay and that you are also looking after yourself 💕💕

Thank you again so much for popping in and I hope you have a beautiful and wonderful day ☺️🌻🌻☺️💕💕