#like his love was so conditional that i assume everyone's love is. i constantly feel i have to do smth for others to love me otherwise i

[dokjaism]

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[mdhwrites]

Recently, I've been poring over the 'TOH critical' tags and, as someone who wanted to properly watch the show, seeing just how many flaws the writing and characters have kinda turned me off from even starting for a bit. Before I found these tags, I would have assumed Owl House was some kind of flawless untouchable masterpiece. Now, I can see that it is immensely flawed. Not bad, but flawed. It has great ideas that it just spaffs up the walls. In some cases that I've seen, it goes against its own message, which brings me to the point of this.

The show seems to have a message of 'be a weirdo! Be who you want to be and don't let anyone tell you to be something you're not'. This 'be yourself' message is fine in a vacuum, but then there's a character who's treatment in the show goes against this. Hooty! From the moment he's introduced, Hooty is presented as a weird creature. Even other people in the Demon Realm find him unnatural. He's kinda in his own world, and he says and does things that are weird. This would work well for the message, but the problem arises from other characters' treatment of him.

Everyone fucking HATES Hooty! They loathe him! They call him names, they hit him, they put him down constantly, the works! Everyone holds him in open contempt! I wouldn't really have an issue with this at first, but Luz also takes part in some of these actions. It would be one thing for negative/antagonistic characters to be doing this, but the self-proclaimed 'weirdo' main characters? She seems annoyed by Hooty's very existence. Don't get me wrong, he IS annoying, but he's also just being himself. He's a proud weirdo and doesn't let anyone stop him from being who he wants.

Why doesn't Luz love him?

He is exactly the type of person(?) who she should feel connected with. And the fact she joins in on some of the bullying is real shitty. Keep in mind Luz was ridiculed and ostracised for being weird, so her then turning around and being all dismissive and annoyed by someone who is, for all intents and purposes, just like her is shitty.

Personally, I would have had it that Luz really likes Hooty. She admires how he's so unapologetic in his weirdness. You could even still have Eda hitting him and calling him names, which Luz calls out. She knows what it's like to be put down for just being yourself, and she's not gonna stand to see someone else get the same treatment.

Or, another idea, Luz starts out sharing Eda's view on Hooty and being annoyed by him. One time, he does something or shows Luz something he's proud of. She calls him or it or both stupid, and Hooty just....cries. I don't mean overblown waterfalls-out-the-eyes crying, I mean he turns his head down and looks visibly upset.

Luz sees that her words have genuinely hurt Hooty. This could be her realising that Hooty isn't just some weird talking punching bag to hurl abuse at. For his weird actions and appearance, he's a person too. Her being mean to him just for being himself, she realises, makes her no better than her bullies.

Then, to make this even more shitty, the characters DO start being nicer to him later on, but only after he's proven himself useful. So that's a good message, isn't it? 'Love is conditional!' It really makes the 'found family' aspect of the Owl House residents feel all the more forced.

Tl;Dr It's okay to be a weirdo, unless you're Hooty!

(But that's just me! I hope all of this made sense and you can decipher what I'm trying to say😊)

So the short answer to this is that Hooty is essentially character/thematic assassination on... Everyone? Because the show wants to say "Be who you are! Have freedom! Express yourself!" Hooty however is constantly mocked, belittled and literally hurt by others with at best an apology. People treat his portable form as gross despite that letting him experience more of life and the one time people begrudgingly acknowledge he is truly good, they then force him to promise to not repeat the helpful behavior. He is not allowed freedom, expression or to be himself without ridicule, EVEN BY LUZ.

This... However has a bigger problem. Hooty is a bit character after all. If you want to claim he doesn't matter because he's just a joke... There's okay precedent for it. The problem is that then you have to ask what he's mocking. After all, gag characters are all about mocking a certain archtype or the like. King's whole point is to mock children who think themselves as self important and point out how deluded and funny that is, or how funny a deluded sense of self grandeur in general is, at least in the first season. As such... What is Hooty?

Hooty is Sheldon. Not literally but spiritually and this is gonna get kind of rough but here me out. For those who don't get the reference, Sheldon is the main autistic representation in The Big Bang Theory. He is also the most antagonistic force within the friend group. Not because he's evil or anything but because he his own certain ways of doing things and ways he looks at things and as such actually has a lot of episodes about expanding his perception of the world and of others learning to understand who he is and why he is the way he is. The show is actually shockingly respectful in this way, at least most of what I have seen of it, and I can portray this with the best joke I can recall from the series. It also will help me later in why The Big Bang Theory is better than TOH at one certain element people REALLY want to say TOH is great about.

The setup is that the other three main dudes are at a white board, discussing plans to go so see a movie. Every plan they devise runs into a road block because of allergies, time, etc. like that, not even only just because of Sheldon's quirks. However, then the lead, the Ross of the group, stops and goes, "I see it." The others squint and look closer before he adds, "It's the only way." The other two agree... And then they all just leave without Sheldon coming with. Sheldon pauses, looks at the board and goes, "They're correct. It was the only way."

I LOVE this joke... Because it's not mean AT ALL. One might think if they're overly sensitive that it is. I mean, how could they leave their friend behind!? But Sheldon is very honest and up front about his quirks and habits. These guys know him well enough that they know better than to force him out of his comfort zone. That he doesn't function that way. Sheldon KNOWS THIS TOO. As such, when presented with the options of telling Sheldon they can't go because they can't go without him or still having a good night and not making their friend feel bad for being why they couldn't go out, they choose to go out and Sheldon agrees that it was the correct option. They respected him while still living their lives.

And this is because The Big Bang Theory's pitch is not to be offensive to nerds like many online people like to make it out to be (I fucking hate people who call it 'Nerd Black Face') but to just make fun of us like any sitcom would. Sitcoms are parodies of real life. They always exaggerated characters we know are somewhat true. We know a Kramer, we know a Ross, we know a Barney, we know a Lorraine. Are they exactly like this? No, it's cranked up so that it's a comedy, that's the fucking point. But this comedic framing also allows it to be honest about ALL sides of nerd dom.

Sheldon is BY FAR made out to be the most successful, intelligent and wealthiest of ALL the guys. Also, all the guys are doing well in their fields and monetarily. Do they have widespread fame and acclaim? Not really but they're not discredited or anything, they just have interdepartmental bickering. That's accurate from literally every scientist I have seen talk about the subject. It's genuine about the good and the bad of the nerd experience while being entertaining.

So what the fuck does any of this have to do with The Owl House? And especially Hooty? It's actually quite simple. While TOH champions having a nerd protagonist, it presents the 'gentrified nerd'. The convenient nerd. They know about fanfiction but won't force you to actually hear about it. They have interests but not hyperfixations. They don't ever get lost down a rabbit hole because they're passionate about something or just want to tell you a neat fact.

Do you know who does though? Hooty. Hooty just wants someone who is willing to listen about his day. He has some weird quirks to how he behaves and he likes some strange things like bugs. He will talk to you for hours on a subject, randomly and just because he can and might forget that you might have other things to do. To me, those are very, VERY accurate parts of nerd life... And we're supposed to fucking HATE Hooty for these things. Remember the only person, in the ENTIRE SERIES to actually befriend Hooty instead of treating him at best as a convenience is Liltih... At the start of her becoming a joke. The only person who shows him real, genuine compassion... Also becomes 'The Cool Aunt' who hyper fixates on niche architecture and has her trauma of working the EC mocked as just being really bad at her job.

It is, genuinely, kind of gross to me. I've actually talked about this before that the show is so hyperfocused on a very specific, very small set of people for who it approves of, which is essentially whoever fits into Luz correctly, that anyone who felt excluded by the show is extremely valid. And yes, Luz has a montage at the start of silly, over the top and extreme behavior... That doesn't continue. At all. The one time she subjects someone to an Azura rant is to torture Eda enough to go to the Convention and that's only because they were already on the subject because King was interested. She quotes Azura but quickly and doesn't lose the thread. She might say a cute word like 'Snorses' but not even enough to make a break in the conversation.

She is convenient. Gus is only interested in human stuff when it's convenient. Willow will put aside her interest in plants when it's inconvenient. Amity just stops giving a shit about being an intellectual AT ALL post her getting a crush. Hunter wears a wolf t-shirt and gets into Cosmic Frontier enough to cosplay it for Halloween... But only Halloween. These are people who are extremely socially acceptable in every way.

Which... explains why nerds love them actually. See, I think Big Bang Theory does deserve criticism, it is by no means perfect and I would be VERY interested in hearing what the Jewish community thinks of Howard who is easily the most problematic character in the show but not all of the criticism is genuine. I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that we're used to a side, gag character representing the kind worst parts of us... But we're not used to being the focus. We can laugh at all the broke bitches who show up in Sitcoms or the jock failures who are meatheads, etc. like that... But laugh at ourselves? Why would we do that? Why would we allow that? We're better than what this show depicts, even if we're not.

It is inconvenient to the narrative we wish to tell ourselves that we are still the outcasts. That are we not part of the dominant culture and so it is unfair to mock our interests and lifestyle. But like... Marvel movies have been the biggest blockbusters for well over a decade and no one bats a fucking at that. D&D is quickly becoming a household name due to its ever expanding influence. We are not the outcasts anymore. Being into a weird cartoon is not some shocking thing like it was 12 years ago when Bronies first made people aware that this subculture of nerds existed. Times are changing but we still wish to see ourselves as only the victims, even as more and more our spaces show that they are just as evil, corrupt, manipulative and cruel as any athletic superstar or pretty boy actor's club.

A lot of these nerds want to believe they are Luz. Never wrong, never giving anyone a reason to dislike them, and always just passionate about the things they like, never annoying. And you know who those people would mock? Who those people HAVE mocked?

Hooty. Because he's more real. He's the demon they wish they didn't have to face in the mirror. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I really do want to re-emphasize this: FUCK HOWARD. Big Bang is NOT good for the jewish community and I don't think if I watched it nowadays I would be able to tolerate his depiction AT ALL. Also, Raj is also probably all sorts of rough too. I'm ONLY defending the nerd portrayal part of Big Bang.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

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[neo-the-indigo]

ANALYSIS/SPECULATION/OPINION TIME! (again)

So I've been thinking about Despair Time (again), specifically Teruko's animosity for David. It got me thinking, since I haven't seen many people mention this.

Why exactly, does Teruko hate David?

(Spoilers for literally the whole fangan. This is gonna be kinda long, so hang in there.)

Quick disclaimer: Some of the stuff in this post is based purely on what I have observed, so let me know if I miss something somewhere. Thanks :)

There are 2 other reasons why I think Teruko hates David, so I will list those reasons before I mention the main reason.

David's "entire personality" (Teruko's words, not mine) is "fake".

I mean, Teruko says this almost verbatum in the 2nd trial, based on her first interaction with David.

To me, this is a weird (but valid) reason to hate somebody.

(I'm not putting the pictures for Teruko's first interaction with David because we've all seen that lol)

2. David throws Teruko under the bus in the first trial.

The whole cast does, really, but David starts it. This is a more valid reason to hate David, in my opinion. David is the first person to be suspicious of Teruko's testimony (because he's a Xander simp, obviously).

This comment sparked the whole idea that Teruko was the killer, and once David said this, the rest of the cast (except for Eden) jumped on the bandwagon.

And after everyone but Eden sided with David, he was the first to accuse Teruko of murder. I'm aware that they had been discussing this before the trial began, but David is the first person to outright say this.

Though both of these reasons are valid, I don't think either of these are the main reason.

So, what's the main reason then?

Teruko hates David because she doesn't understand why he puts on the "nice guy" facade.

Teruko, from what I've seen, has a hard time understanding why David does what he does. I also believe that Teruko is nearly incapable of understanding why David's "entire personality" is fake, and doesn't really see how he (seems to be, based on what I've observed) conditioned to do so.

Here are some possible reasons why she might have some trouble understanding David's perspective.

Teruko's background/lack of talent.

As we all know, the Ultimate Lucky Student talent isn't a real talent, rather this talent exists because of winning a special lottery (according to canon Danganronpa, but for this I'm assuming that it works the same in DRDT universe.)

Unlike Teruko, the rest of the cast are real Ultimates, meaning that a LOT of people are watching them closely, expecting nothing short of the best. This especially applies to people like David and J, who are (in J's case, was) in the public spotlight constantly. Because David has millions of fans, he feels he has to put on a fake persona to appease them, when in reality, that's not his real personality. It's possible that David, like J, has been in the spotlight since he was young, and was conditioned to hide who he really is to appease other people.

Teruko, on the other hand, is a nobody, and doesn't have to deal with any kind of social expectation/pressure. No pressure from parents (since she's an orphan), and because she was constantly on the run, there was most likely no time to make room to please people when there were more pressing things to worry about like food and shelter. This is part of the reason why I think she's so blunt.

2. Teruko lives under a rock. (I love her, but she does.)

Now now, I mean this in an endearing way. Teruko seems like the type of person who couldn't name a celebrity if she tried, because like I said previously, she had bigger fish to fry. What tells me this is her reaction to J's secret reveal in Chapter 2, as well as what Levi and Arturo said to her during that time.

Out of the entire cast, Teruko was the only one who didn't know who J was (as a celebrity).

Based on both Levi and Arturo's comments, I can assume that not knowing who Mariabella Rosales is is pretty similar to not knowing who Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson or Beyonce are. So yeah, Teruko is 100% clueless about celebrities. Her own reaction says this too.

Yes Teruko, being a child celebrity is a big deal, and so is being revealed as the daughter of the most recognizable name in the nation.

Now, what does this have to do with Teruko understanding David?

Thing is, David is a celebrity just like J is, obviously. Biggest difference between them is that he is always in the public spotlight, while J successfully avoided the press. Like I've said previously, David puts on a fake persona because of his millions of fans that he needs to appease.

My point is, Teruko knows absolutely nothing about what celebrities have to deal with every day, so she doesn't think of their heavy influence on society and the constant pressure that they face. To her, being a celebrity isn't a big deal. This is great when it comes to treating celebrities like people, but not so much when understanding different perspectives.

Based on both of these reasons above, if David were to tell Teruko what he goes through as a celebrity, based on her background and limited knowledge of what celebrities go through, I'm not sure that she would understand. There would be a lot of questions in that area.

I don't think Teruko is dumb, but just not knowledgeable in that area. I honestly really hope Teruko and David's dynamic improves and that they can understand each other more (this is unlikely, but a girl can only hope.) Their dynamic is the most interesting to me, and I wanna see how it develops over time.

Tell me what y'all think. I totally did not spend 3 days on this (lol).

[blond-jerk-tourney]

Blond Sweetheart Tourney: Round 3, Poll 13

Propaganda from submitters Under Cut

Laios Touden

He cares about his sister so much he was willing to solo a red dragon to rescue her. He doesn't care about money, power, or fame, he just wants to help his sister and learn about monsters. He might seem weird and offputting, but his deepest desire is to find a way for people and monsters to live in peace together to make life better for everyone. One of his biggest faults is he assumes the best of everyone.

Laios is already winning, but I'd like to point out that he's kind despite the fact that pretty much everyone (sometimes including his own party!) treat him with suspicion or outright hostility? It's not just Shuro and Kabru; it's everyone who contemplates what he might do as Lord of the Dungeon, the village kids when he was growing up, Chilchuck repeatedly treating him as an outright threat. Everyone hates Laios, but he doesn't sink to their level.

Louis James Moriarty

Devoted to a fault. Burned his face to prove his loyalty to his brothers. Tries extremely hard to keep not one but *two* mansions in pristine, clean condition with no household staff (well, a gardener an a colonel who dirtiest the London house and will not do chores) because he knows that Albert's OCD requires cleanliness and because it's something "useful" he can do. All he wants is to be useful. Louis is a sweetheart and deserves to be loved forever.

He's exceptionally caring towards his brothers and his "found family"

Louis was a young, orphan boy with a heart condition. Louis lived in an orphanage whose money had been slightly mismanaged and who was rationing food to the kids. A different kid noticed the lack of food, and was still hungry after devouring their plate. They wanted seconds, but there were none. And Louis gave them his plate. His plate of firsts. He didn't even He downplays his literal heart condition so as to not cause his brother, Will, too much worry. He doesn't ask for treatment, or a better lot in life, or anything. He asks to not be left alone. More than anything, that's all he is afraid of: being left alone, even after he lives through surgery as a Victorian child and gets better. So, vote Louis, don't leave him alone. He has us, his fans. Who I am sure he can't even process that we exist, because he's always seeing the good qualities of others instead of himself, and he, like William, deserves our love as well.

VOTE LOUIS‼️‼️ He deserves to go far after his brother got absolutely sweeped 💀

Louis James Moriarty is SO incredibly kind and sweet. He constantly goes out of his way to take care of his brothers. As mentioned in the propaganda, Louis keeps TWO mansions clean for his brother Albert. Louis consistently shows care for his brother William as well. William has fainting spells and falls asleep at random times. Louis is ALWAYS there to make sure that William is okay and taken care of while he's asleep. Louis and William lived on the street for some amount of time as orphans, and during this time, Louis would have to watch over William while he had a sleeping spell. Louis went out of his way to interact with a man that he hates to keep his brother safe. He is so sweet and kind. He constantly goes out of his way for others, especially for his siblings!!

louis, on the other hand, is devoted greatly to his brothers, a great cook, might seem indifferent at times but is actually very sweet. he has had great character development and has gone from living as his brother's shadow to actually living for himself. he keeps two mansions clean because he knows his eldest brother feels frustrated in a disorganised place, is practically the scabbard for the two brothers if one's a shield and the other a sword. see the scar on his face? that's something he willingly did to himself so he could prove his undying loyalty to his brothers and their cause. he must have gone through and felt huge amounts of pain and grief since one brother was allegedly dead and the other was imprisoned. yet he moved on forward with the best of his abilities even though i'm sure he wanted nothing more than to breakdown at times. so, yeah. vote for louis.

[jess-the-vampire]

Sorry if someone already ased this, but how did Caleb find out about Philip loving to wear dresses? Like did he just see him in one at some point or did Philip tell him? Did he immediately support him or was he still in the believe that men shouldn't wear dresses or anything feminine for that matter?

well, if it was early on, he'd probably be more judgmental. But one of the plus sides to when he eventually dates evelyn, is she is constantly encouraging him to lose his original judgement of others he had been taught. Caleb grew up with the impression things had to work a certain way and that it was the best for him, even if he wasn't sure he agreed personally, and he always trusted it was right despite any personal thoughts.

But now he was dating a witch, he was seeing things through a new lenses, that what he was taught wasn't the truth as he always thought it.

I mean if he can do the same for her, he can do the same for everyone else right? It's slowly allowed caleb to be more and more open about things he was taught were bad and strange. In the boiling isles he would see gay couples and people of different genders far more often and the whole thing has made him a lot more normalized to it.

i mean he always knew philip was a little odd compared to other kids on earth, even as a kid, and he always protected him before, why would that change now?

so i think by the time he figures it out, he's become a lot less judgmental, in fact he's even HAPPY about it. Because he never could see philip doing this in the past, so the fact he's comfortable doing something he used to consider taboo makes caleb think he's also breaking from his original conditioning.

And caleb, who does feel guilt about participating in that conditioning, even if he never meant it to hurt his brother, would love to know philip is growing out of it.

now, as to how he found out, well, when philip left his cave and therefore caleb couldn't find him for awhile...he had run into his brother on a few occassions.

Philip wore disguises to blend in over time, and well, he tried women's garments, and at the time i think caleb assumed it was a disguise and nothing more....but when he eventually did find out about philip's new home many years later, he just....noticed he was wearing them naturally.

i think philip got less embarrassed about the idea of wearing them the older he got. What was once just something he was wearing to hide himself, was actually just becoming something he liked wearing..

[minniiaa]

another lawlu hc related to that: law has sensory issues with eating sometimes because of his autism and it makes him internally scream and go to an empty room to cry. luffy realizes law has been giving him too much of his food recently. after finding out why, luffy gives him all the comfort and love he deserves and it causes law to eat a little more 🥹💜 (this sadly happens to me in real life as an autistic person. I NEED A SPOUSE LIKE LUFFY AAAAAH)

Yes! This is actually so sweet. Law's autism could totally explain his very particular eating habits. You inspired me to write the below headcanon based on this. I have had people in my life who are autistic but I do have it myself so I hope I could do the experience justice in the context of Law and his personality. I just love the idea of Luffy finding out and making sure Law gets whatever he needs because he's the best partner anyone could ask for <3

Law is very self-conscious when it comes to his eating habits, as he is with most of his peculiarities and it's nearly impossible for him to bring himself to ask to be accommodated when others are cooking even though he knows people will do so even when he doesn't tell them why. He accidentally blurted out that he doesn't like bread and ever since then Sanji has always made him his own special dish whenever he is serving bread dishes to the others. He appreciates Sanji's understanding but he feels like a burden for making him create something entirely different just for him.

Law's food preferences don't just end with bread though, and he can't just refuse to eat what he's being served, that would be rude. Luckily, he has a very hungry partner who is always eyeing up his plate for scraps so he can generally just give him the things he doesn't like but recently it's been getting worse to the point that Law is barely eating because his sensory issues have become overwhelming.

Law thinks he's pretty slick but Luffy knows him better than he knows himself most of the time and one day, he confronts him. Luffy asks Law if he's okay and why he hasn't been eating virtually any of his food recently. He tries to play it off by saying he just hasn't been hungry but Luffy calls out the fact that his stomach has been growling and he's clearly hungry. He demands Law to tell him what's going on and if he's sick, he'll figure out how to make him better. Law, knowing he can't get out of this without telling Luffy the truth, explains that he has a condition where specific food textures make him feel extremely uncomfortable and he can't eat them without feeling like he's going to either throw up or explode.

Much to Law's relief, Luffy immediately understands. "That's okay, everyone is different, Torao! You should have told me before so I can make sure you get all the yummy food you like! Now, tell me all the things that make you feel gross and I'll make sure you never have to eat them again. Food is the best thing in the world and you need to eat so you can be nice and strong!" he says and Law has to hold back his tears. He's been struggling with this for so long and he's always been afraid to tell people because he doesn't want them to judge him and just assume he's annoying when he can't help it.

He's not sure why he didn't just tell Luffy this before, he's not the best at expressing himself. Emotions and connecting with others are hard for him. He's already so much of a burden on Luffy as it is even though Luffy constantly reassures him that he loves him, he's never a burden, and he just wants him to be happy.

After that day, Luffy makes sure that Law's plate never has anything he doesn't like on it. If anyone dares to call Law 'picky' he yells at them and advises that Law is artistic (Law has corrected him and told him it's autistic but he doesn't seem to listen) and he can't help it and that he'll beat them up if they make fun of his Torao. Law wonders every single day what he did to deserve such a loving and understanding partner who goes out of his way to make Law's life easier in whatever way he can.

[xlostsoulsfound]

I don't think Blitz is a bad character

**SPOILERS** For all of Helluva boss  I don't think Blitz is a bad person as much as everyone makes him out to be. Remember that these are all my options, and if you disagree with them, that's fine! To start, in the latest episode S2, E10. When Blitz was having the flashbacks? I don't know if you would call it that but when he was all the times he had felt like he hurt/made people hate him. When it showed Cash, raising his hand. We can assume it was to hit Blitz, and from what we have seen of Cash's personality we can assume he would hit Blitz frequently. More than likely from the smallest things too. Personally, that's just the type of person Cash seems to me. Also when Paimon offered to buy Blitz Cash let Blitz go rather easily. What I'm getting at is that a lot of his 'I'm not good enough, and never will be' Trauma came from his childhood.  We can also gather from what we have seen from the show he feels as if other people's love is conditional. Because his whole "relationship" with Stolas was started over Blitz burrowing the book from Stolas. And Stolas got sex/sexual favors from Blitz. When Millie was going to decline the client in the latest episode, blitz pulled out the unconditional support paper. It was Millie or Moxxie would have to poke one of the circles. Where he wouldn't be their third on one of their dates. Though I'm sure there are many more scenes in the show that he has to do things to feel like he's doing enough to be loved. But those are the only two that are coming to my mind now.

Throughout the show, we have seen Blitz trying to prove himself worthy. As in his company I.M.P., since Blitz is an IMP, they are one of the lowest classes in hell or other words, the working class, as they have put it in the show and the helluva boss wiki. He felt as if his work wasn't good enough and he had to prove himself to everyone who looked down on him. This can also have added to his 'I'm not good enough and never will be' Trauma but he does his best not to show it because he wants people to believe he is good enough to be his boss. Also just adding onto this there have been so many times when Blitz has been uncomfortable. As in Stolas calling Blitz Blitzy, Stolas talking down to Blitz constantly, and Blitz telling Stolas not to try to fuck him when they went to loo-loo land and Stolas just taking it as a joke, or when Stolas called Blitz "Big dick Blitzy" Even If it was never outright said he was uncomfortable you could tell he was.  Blitz does have a big fear of abandonment, as in truth seekers when he and Moxxie were high. Moxxie was going up the large stairs 'Does it seem like a recurring thing that you alienate your toxic routine? I don't know eventually everyone goes 'cause you're thoughtless and cruel and you'll end up alone.' further proving my point that he feels like everyone is going to leave him in the end. He tries to keep everyone at a distance, so he doesn't hurt them. But in doing that he just does the thing he never wanted to do. Just like with Veronika he up and left her after she said she confessed her feelings to Blitz and got a tattoo of his name on her arm. Which he got scared of and ran away. Just like when Barbie disowned Blitz which we can assume she disowned him because Blitz killed their mother. Though it was never said in the show this is why, but we can just assume this for the time begin. Then most likely after her death Barbie ran away disowning Blitz to get as far away from Blitz as she could. This just furthers my point of blitz having a fear of abandonment. 

Blitz has self-image issues, if you look in his apartment at the wall. You can see all the pictures of him being scratched out. We can conclude that he doesn't like himself, which with everything that we know about Blitz is true. Even though his words 'I don't want to be with way not forever' and 'I destroy everything I destroy everyone I make everyone's lives worse' added to his self-image issues. He doesn't like who he is as a person. 

He has a lot of self-destructive and impulsive behavior. For when he went to Bee's party and got drunk to wash away all his problems from his failed date at Ozzie's. Or how he has so many exes which from what we know of Blitz he probably went through a depressive episode and went out and had sex with a bunch of different people so he could feel something other than just pain. To add to this blitz has a problem with keeping friendships. Like when he told Millie she was his first real friend. We can assume all his other friends had left him of his behaviors. Plus with his relationship with Stolas, Blitz rejects Stolas's love because he doesn't think Stolas could ever love him. Especially since Stolas is royal and Blitz is the working class. 

He has a lot of anger issues. Like when he was drunk and yelled at Dennis for seemingly doing nothing besides saying his name. This could just be from the alcohol. But still goes off on other people rather easily. Just like when the I.M.P. were outside and their client was rushed off to the hospital, Blitz went off of Moxxie. (Which was understandable, but still just showing more signs of Blitz having anger issues.) Or in full moon, blitz going off on Stolas when they had that fight. However, it was Blitz feeling as if he was abandoned by Stolas when Stolas gave Blitz the crystal. With knowing blitz is understandable why he had that reaction. But still, he went off on Stolas. Or in  Apology Tour he yelled at Stolas when they were walking through the garden. 

Blitz also blames himself for so many things. Like the fire, he was the one who made the person carrying the cake slip and the candles that were on fire made the tent go up in flames. Causing Fizz to be caught in the fire and Blitz not help him. Also, his mother died in the fire. So he blames himself for everything that happened. It wasn't his fault it was an accident but in his mind, he doesn't see it that way, he just blames himself.  He also hates himself more than he hates anyone else. Take example in the previous paragraph, he blames himself for the fire. Making him hate himself for the fire. For losing his mother, one of the people he loved and cared for most in hell. From what we have seen he had a fairly close relationship with her. Like in ghostfuckers, he ran to her when he had a bad dream. When we have bad dreams we tend to the person we feel most comfort in. Which for him was his mother. Also because of that, he feels as if no one can love him. That's why he pushes everyone away, feels like Stolas could never love him. That no one can ever care for him, That he doesn't deserve to be cared for or loved by anyone. Take for example he tried to connect with his sister Barbie after finding her again just to be rejected by her. He's scared that if he ever loves someone they will just leave him. That's why he leaves people first, Because in his mind if he leaves first then they can't hurt him. But deep down he just wants to be loved and cared for but he's too scared because of everything he's been through.  I honestly think that him adopting Loona was one of the best things he had done. Because he was probably in a really bad place in his life when he adopted Loona. Loona who was in the same position as him. She was in a bad adoption center and the woman Blitz was talking to was making Loona out to be a bad person who would never amount to anything. I think Blitz saw himself in her, and that's why he got her. Even though at times it seems like Loona hates/dislikes Blitz, she loves him. She just like Blitz has a hard time showing how she feels. But does truly loves him just in her way. 

I just think Blitz has saved everyone in I.M.P. Blitz asked Moxxie to join him when they were both in jail. He helped Moxxie escape and then they started I.M.P. Then when he met Millie she had just taken I.M.P's hit so maybe she wasn't doing too well on her own. Though I could be completely wrong that's what I got from that scene. So I think in a big way he saved both of them and Loona. Plus in doing so Moxxie and Millie got together causing them to get married. They would probably have never got together if it wasn't for Blitz. Even if they do have issues at times I think they see each other as a family. Because Moxxie and Blitz both had bad dads and both of their mothers died. Loona's family is unknown but we can assume they either abandoned her or they had died, Even though Millie's family seems rather normal. Lin did seem rather disappointed a few times throughout Harvest Moon. So I think they see each other as a family. They all care for each other, and even if Blitz doesn't feel like he can be loved, it's very clear that Millie, Moxxie, and Loona all care for him and he very much so cares for them. Even if he has a hard time showing it.  Remember these are all of my options on Blitz. I am not saying his 100% perfect and does everything right. If you read this would have very clearly seen that I am not saying he's perfect. He's very much so not, I think he's an extremely relatable character to a lot of people. He has a lot of issues that people tend to overlook because they just want to see Blitz as a bad character. Especially when it comes to him and Stolas. A lot of people I have seen tend to victimize Stolas, which Stolas is not this perfect character either, he has done a lot of wrongs himself too. I will talk about that another time. But overall I think Blitz I a really good character and how they portray him is well and very relatable to a lot of people because of how he acts. Maybe this will help other people view Blitz differently and stop blaming him for everything. 

[nthspecialll]

Cracks open an oyster shell to reveal a slimy half baked fetus esque Dutch van def linde inside

Do you think this sick little freak of nature is neurodivergent… or has any other disorders.. npd… bpd… etc… (no pressure to like. Actually diagnose or anything I’m assuming you aren’t a licensed psychologist, more for character analysis. Thank you so much, love your work!)

Oh he definately has something but yes I am not a psychologist and my experience with ND is limited to autism, ADHD, OCD and dyslexia because those are my family heirlooms, thus I would not feel comfortable diagnosing him but what I can do is present what fits and what does not fit about the most common diagnosises that people put on him as well as pointing out things others with more experience with these diagnosises says.

NPD- Narcissism

Dutch believes himself to be superior to others, which is very visible in many different ways, like his tent being the most luxurious to not allowing Molly, his girl to work. Which is also a big part of his entitlement, he expects others to look up to him, he expects people to treat him well, to cater his every need, and he gets angry when people doesn't.

He lives on admiration, which can be why he leans so heavily over to Micah late game when everyone else pulls their attention away from him, causing him to get angry. This time he is also very unable to handle any critisism thrown his way, reacting aggressively to it rather than listening.

One of the most obvious signs that makes people think narcissism is his willingness to exploit other, from the gang memebers to the native americans, using everything to his own advandage. He even says it himself, he is helping the natives because it helps him.

He created that friendship with Eagle Flies beacuse it boosted his confidence and his image, he lived in Micah's friendship because it fed his confidence and his image.

Narcissists tend to lack empathy and he does state in a camp event with Susan and Arthur "did you hear that Arthur? I am meant to consider feelings now!" and he is also quite arrogant, talking down to Arthur when he tries to come up with a plan in chapter 6.

Now, that said, narcissists cannot form meaning bonds which Dutch has done several times, for example with Hosea and with The Count. They are actually known for being terrible animal owners and are known for being able to fake friendships for a short amount of time while using others, not for thirty years.

Narcissits are also prone to bragging, which we do not hear Dutch nor does he belittle other people's achievements, and while he can seem like he doesn't show feelings and empathy, he does. He is genuiently sorry when Arthur gets kidnapped by O'Driscolls, he is sad when Hosea dies, he listens to John when Jack is kidnapped.

I also would not say he is fishing for compliments, which they are known for, there are also requirements for narcisissm which we don't have enough information on, such as fragile ego and requent self-doubt.

Bipolar

Dutch in the beginning of rdr2 is a very regular dude, he has signs but he seems okay, but as time goes on, especially in chapter 4-6 we see him go up into something that can look like mania.

He does not sleep, he can work without rest. He is easily irritated, his self-esteem is through the roog and he is impulsive. He constantly obesses, he leans over to people who feeds his ego, he is paranoid and he has a lot of grandiosity.

In the first couple of chapters it does also seem like we have some episodes. After settling in Horseshoe Dutch says sorry to Hosea about Blackwater, that he made a fool of himself and doesn't know what happened, similarly with after Arthurs kidnapping.

But then we come to chapter 5-6. What does not fit here however is the fact we don't see a crash, mania cannot go on forever and yet through the months of chap 5-6 there is no crash, he does not return to his regular state. We also see the same things in rdr1, again, no crash and it has been years.

"That said, I've yet to see his crash. The mania, which separates bipolar from major depression, can't just go on forever." which was wisely said by a player diagnosed with bipolar.

Borderline personality disorder

Dutch has a very strong fear of being abanonded, he does not like others leaving him, thus he is willing to leave them first, such as leaving John in jail before allowing him to get out and leave him.

He has a lot of paranoia and looses touch with reality, such as the situation in which he is standing, but also randomly yelling out or talking to himself in chapter 6, similarly he is prone to impulsiveness, doing things that aren't exactly thought through which ends people being harmed.

While he doesn't make threats of self-harm, he did die by suicide, though I would say it was more a powerplay than a fear of abandonment.

He is quickly angered, especially in the later chapters and acts out violently throughout the story

Now we have some other "critiria" like wide moodwings and "Quick changes in how you see yourself," I saw a redditor say this: "Although Dutch sees himself as an anarchistic Robin Hood-type hero during RDR2, he's clearly conflicted by RDR1, presenting himself as both a freedom fighter and a savage who can't fight his own violent nature." And while that is true, it does not fit the critira. It is not a quick change going back and forth but rather a steady but stable decline to that. A lot of people forget that it isn't just a change, but a back and forth we need for this diagnosis, and to me it is more that he is, as said, steadily moving, when he has reached one level of "madness" he doesn't go back.

Then we have a few critera I don't think fits, like unstable relationships, he has a lot of longer, fairly stable relationships such as with Hosea and Arthur and John, those were stable for 30 years before falling apart at the end. Again we are missing the movement back and forth.

End Note

As said, I am not a psycologist and if anything is worded wrongly in a way that may seem offensive, I appologice and please let me know.

[warabidakihime]

Lost in Paradise: Chapter 1

★ characters: uzui tengen x reader X sanemi shinazugawa | modern au ★ plot summary: what happens when two people are left alone in a deserted island with no way of communicating with the outside world? they fall in love, of course. ★ fic playlist: TBA ★ content warnings : smut, profanity, implied adultery/cheating, slightly graphic.

a/n: aaaand here's the first chapter! thank you so much for waiting and thank you for all the likes, reblogs and comments! they made me really happy. means a lot, so thank you thank you. <3 i am genuinely surprised that the prologue is doing well considering this is a pretty cliche plot lol but i will do my best!

as always, comments and feed backs are highly appreciated! &lt;3

-

Murmurs may be heard from a distance, but Sanemi couldn't comprehend what they were saying, let alone who was speaking. He generally has excellent hearing, but they all sound like they're chewing their words.

He could also feel great pain all throughout his body, as if he were being hurled around or slammed against a wall, but he couldn't quite express his discomfort; it's like there was tape plastered on his lips, preventing him from being able to speak.

This has been going on for, who knows, how long? It's as if he's imprisoned in a horrible sleep paralysis, and no matter how hard he tries to get free, he still can't break free.

"What did they say? "

"Nothing," Obanai shook his head, scorn on his face as he scrolled through his phone, "if they can't locate any more survivors in the next five days, they'll declare everyone else dead or MIA."

"No way..."

Mitsuri clenched her hands around her lips, tears streaming down her cheeks.

It's been a week since your plane crashed, and thankfully, Sanemi survived. He fell immediately into the water, but because he was wearing a life vest, he managed to live. He did, however, have a severe spinal injury as a result of how hard he fell. He was unconscious by the time the rescuers found him three days after the incident.

Even though your two best friends wanted to rejoice over your fiance's survival, they couldn't since you were still missing.

According to the news, the plane you were on had mechanical flaws that were not detected by the crew, so the pilot was unable to execute an emergency landing until you were well into your journey. He lost control of the plane, which ultimately exploded and plummeted in the middle of the ocean.

It's been a week since the catastrophe, and the rescuers have been working constantly, but they have yet to discover you and a few other passengers. In truth, there were far more victims than survivors.

Although the doctor indicated that he is presently in stable condition, he is not fully out of the woods because he will require additional tests once he finally wakes up. Given the severity of his fall, there is a good chance that he is fully paralyzed from the waist down to his feet. There's also the possibility  that he'll remain in a vegetative state, considering Sanemi suffered from severe brain damage as well.

Obanai isn't the kind of person who likes to openly display his emotions, but every time he looks at his best friend, tears well up in his eyes, and his chest tightens with tremendous grief and worry for his dear friend.

He finds it extra difficult to look at Sanemi since he isn't used to seeing him in this way. His friend has always been boisterous and outgoing, but now that he's in the hospital, he's nearly lifeless and barely recognizable due to several facial injuries, a fractured neck, and a shattered jaw.

And the thought of telling him that you did not survive the plane accident would always send him into a tailspin.

With a heavy and unsteady exhale, he shifted his gaze away from Sanemi and back to his lover, pulling her into a tight hug. And as they collided, Mitsuri could hear Obanai's shaky breathing, meaning he was going through another panic attack.

"They still have five days to find Y/N. Let's not assume they won't find her; instead, let's trust they will. And by the time she returns, Sanemi will have regained consciousness, and we will be by their side as they recuperate." Obanai told Mitsuri as he comforted her.

Every word he spoke was laced with a prayer, hoping that it would strengthen their wish and that you would be able to hear them and finally come back home safely.

-

“Y/N!!!”

You screamed as you bolted awake from your deep slumber

"Oh, you're finally awake." 

You jerked your head towards the unknown voice, but before you could see who it was, you felt a tremendous amount of sharpshooting pain all throughout your body. Thankfully, Tengen was fast to respond to you despite his own injuries.

"Be careful; your wounds haven't completely healed, and you have a fractured leg and hips."

Since you were so preoccupied with grasping practically everything, his words did nothing except fly over your head.

The last thing you recalled was sleeping on Sanemi's shoulder when you heard the pilot's announcement, followed by a thunderous explosion from the plane's tail, and now you're in the middle of nowhere with a stranger.

Tengen knelt at your level but kept his distance so as not to scare or overwhelm you because you're already taking in so much in such a short space of time.

"Given that we're stranded on an island with very few resources, I could only give you treatments that were plausible, but I think it's safe to say you're out of the woods. At least for now. You were lucky your injuries were only minor to moderate," the man in front of you explained softly as he fixed the makeshift splint he made for your right leg and hips.

"A-ahh—" you winced as you felt pain in your hips. Tengen peered at you with worried eyes.

"I'm sorry, but please bear with me for a while; I'm just adjusting the splint; nevertheless, please let me know if the discomfort is too intense."

"Where are we? A-and who are you?"

"I was one of the passengers on the plane. We were flying over the ocean when the aircraft malfunctioned and crashed. I somehow ended up being drifted by the current to this island. Unfortunately, I don't know where exactly we are, but two days after the incident, I saw you drifting near the shore. It's been five days since then," Tengen explained.

"Five days plus the other two days make it a week since the plane crash."

Panic began to loom over you as you remembered one crucial thing, and then you began to glance around for your fiance, only to be confronted with nothing but the ocean and a desolate island, and your heart sank.

"What about Sanemi? I-I mean, when you saw me drifting in the sea, were you able to find another passenger? His name is Sanemi; he's my fiancé; he has white hair and very prominent features, and as far as I can remember, we were really close when the plane exploded. P-Please tell me you were able to rescue him as well."

You were sobbing and yelling at the innocent man at this point, hoping and praying that Sanemi was also safe and sound.

"At the very least, tell me he's alive! He has to be!"

Tengen's pained expression deepened, as did his sadness for you, as he watched you spiral as you looked for your partner, as if he'd appear if you squinted harder.

To be honest, you were really fortunate to survive with only minor to moderate injuries. A catastrophe of such magnitude is almost certain to kill everyone involved in an instant or, at the very least, cause long-term complications.

"I checked the perimeter of the island to see if there were any more stray passengers, but sadly, you were the first and last one I spotted. I’m sorry"

“No… That can’t be.”

Despite being a doctor–a healthcare provider, Tengen's ability to comfort others was not his greatest strength; in fact, he had very weak communication skills. He normally relies on the nurses at the hospital where he works for assistance if one of his patients needs a shoulder to lean on.

Tengen sat there frozen, feeling dumb, as you sank further into your emotions, big tears streaming down your cheeks as you grieved for your lover.

"This is hardly good news, but hear me out: as long as we're both safe, we can still get out of this, and who knows, maybe your fiance is also safe; for sure, they're still performing rescue operations, and maybe your fiance was located and saved. Let's try our best to survive till help arrives, okay?"

While you processed his words, silence prevailed in the area. It's possible that Sanemi received help sooner and is already back home, most likely healing from his own injuries and trauma.

Maybe he's alive and well and is waiting for you to come home.

Or he's already sixty feet deep in the ocean, lifeless. 

"Ah, no–" You shook your intrusive thoughts away as fast as they came. You looked like a cartoon character as you did that.

Tengen was taken aback by the abrupt and out-of-character gesture (considering your current predicament). As he watched you and waited for you to process your emotions, a small voice resonated from his head.

Cute

And as quickly as the thought occurred to him, he slapped it away. You're bawling your eyes out, longing for your partner, and he's checking you out?

So not the time, and not to mention, you're both taken.

Just like you, he's already in a "committed" relationship with someone.

He was on his way to Rome to attend school for six months, as his father had commanded since they were aiming to grow their business. Being a doctor had never been his dream and was only forced onto him by his father since his family came from a clan of doctors, so naturally, he "should" follow suit. 

He was dreading the day he will leave for school, but one thing that enticed him was the fact that he will go alone and Makio will stay in Japan; then came the plane crash and your current situation.

Not that he loves his own wife in the same way you do your fiance, for he and Makio married for convenience and their parents' desires. It may sound so wrong and so morbid, but he feels slightly relieved that he was finally granted the space he has been yearning for.

It's as if he wished for the plane crash to happen just to get away from the people who continue to tether him to the ground with their selfish reasons.

You have finally managed to calm down. Albeit still feeling like shit, a small part of you feels a bit more optimistic.

"Sorry for lashing out on you like that."

Tengen smiled and said, "It's okay. Your feelings are valid."

After your (rightful) emotional outburst, you finally have it in you to properly face the kind stranger who helped you.

"My name's y/n, l/n y/n, and you are?"

"Uzui Tengen. I'm a doctor, by the way, so you're at least assured you're in good hands." Tengen said with a chuckle, "Thank you. I really appreciate your help."

"You're welcome. Now, let's get you situated. While you were still unconscious, I was trying to catch fish so that we could eat together. I've managed to catch a few; let me just start a fire so we can finally cook them. You’re still fairly injured, so just take it easy for now."

“Okay…”

Tengen was ready to go to work on the campfire when he turned around and extended his hand in your direction.

"What?" you said as you gazed up at him, perplexed.

"Nice to meet you, y/n," the man in front of you said as he initiated a handshake with you.

"Nice to meet you as well," you said sheepishly.

As you watched Tengen prepare the campfire and, basically, your turf that will be your home for god knows how long, your mind continued to wander.

Tears well up in your eyes as you think of Sanemi, even more so when your gaze lands on your engagement ring.

"Nemi..." you whimpered as you continued to stare at the vast ocean.

More tears came down your face as horror, worry, and loneliness continued to hit you relentlessly as you yearned heavily for the love of your life.

If you are truly safe and sound at home, please come rescue me as soon as possible, Sanemi.

-

Taglist: @sulli1361 @honey--blade@smileykiddie08 @i-simp-for-giyuu @babygirl-panda19 @hypnocountrymusicfunnyfan @exodarkwolf16 @qdreamueen @vesta-ro

[wickedhours]

hi angels ! my name is kina, and i'm very excited to meet you & your muses and to eventually start writing with everyone !! i would like to introduce my weak - hearted, cat - loving, lost child who is just constantly looking for footing as she feels like she's experiencing a never - ending freefall into the unknown ... sounds dramatic bc she is just a little bit. i have her biography ready to read in case you would like to peek, but under the cut you'll find a summary of her backstory as i did gloss over some details that i knew i wanted to expand on in her intro ! if you're interested in plotting, pls like this post & i will haul myself to your dm's asap !!

(   ♡   )  NAVIGATE ⸻ HERSTORY / PROFILE  /  PLOTS  /  MUSINGS TAG  .

CONTENT WARNING,

sarang's backstory describes her dealing with a condition that is reminiscent of psychosis in addition to experiencing psychotic episodes, caused by stress built-up over time and thus affecting the control of her illusion manipulation. when the aforementioned topics come up in their backstory i will give a brief warning!

HER STORY,

⤷ she is the daugter of aeternals MAGICIAN ( illusionary magic ) and MIRAGE ( mirage inducement ), and she was born july 10, 2000, which was roughly seven months after her parents famously announced their secret marriage and the fact that her mom was even pregnant. they're both known as super private individuals who did not thrive in the public eye so just imagine the collective surprise !!!

⤷ even after sarang is born, she's kept out of the public eye completely. the public expected them to make that choice. it was mostly due to the fact that her parents wanted to wait to see when or if her own power would manifest. they wanted to protect their one and only child as best they could, so if she ended up not being a metahuman they just planned on keeping her identity a secret for as long as they lived.

⤷ luckily for them, sarang manifested her power at eight years old. they kept her a secret for another year and taught her how to control her ability at a very basic level just so that they can put rumors of her not being real to rest !!! they just wanted her to have basic defense skills just in case as they are active aeternals and no-doubt have enemies lurking in different places... they just wanted her to be a little prepared.

⤷ as she grew up, her parents continued to train her privately. they constantly pushed her past her limits in the guise of preparing her for her future as an aeternal. since her powers manifested, her parents knew they wanted her to follow their footsteps. it's a generally unexpected ambition of theirs given their personalities ... tbh sarang doesn't know what their problem is either !

⤷ not to toot her own horn but this girl is cracked with her ability. it's clear that the years spent training difficultly have paid off, bc many consider her to be skilled beyond her years. when she enrolls in the training academy, she confidently assumes she'll graduate with flying colors, and to everyone who asks her parents would say the same. so she's not sure why they constantly feel the need to continue pressuring her to go above and beyond.

⤷ ( tw: psychosis )the aftereffects of their parental guidance become apparent near the end of the semester during her second-last year as a trainee. she first thinks she's being sabotaged affected by another student's ability, perhaps a victim of sabotage, but this theory goes out the window when she realises she's still experiencing weird things outside of classes. why does she keep walking into walls when she clearly saw a door there a second ago? why is her reflection doing something different than her in the mirror? she's embarrassed and scared, and chooses not to tell anyone.

⤷ ( tw: psychotic episode ) it all comes to a head when during a random simulation training session. her concentration is nowhere to be found when it seems like there's so much happening at once !!! it takes longer to get her to snap out of whatever nightmare she might be experiencing, and luckily for her the only person who witnessed this breakdown was the teacher overseeing said session.

⤷ she hastily and impulsively drops out of the academy. it comes as an unexpected and sudden decision but she has been experiencing these abnormalities for too long that eventually she found that she cannot trust herself to become a superhero in the state that she's in. her parents try to save-face by lying to the public and claiming it's only a hiatus to focus on her health and recovery after a minor accident. she can't tell them what she's dealing with out of embarrassment despite their continuous calls to go back. she isn't ready and doesn't think she will ever be !!

⤷ the second chance collective was not unfamiliar, she just didn't think she'd ever step through its doors. the staff welcome her with a warmth she isn't used to, and they are patient with her despite her reluctance to open up at all. they keep the secret of her residency a secret and she is just thankful she feels like she can breathe for once — even if she doesn't know what to do for now. she takes blockers on days she feels particular unwell, but she is afraid of potential overuse so she still has outbursts where she can't control anything.

PERSONALITY,

⤷ prior to her condition worsening, she was known to be very unlike her parents. she loved being around people and enjoyed familiarising herself with those she didn't recognise. she never hated the idea of attention being on her and always tried to be a beacon of warmth to those around her who wanted someone to look to for a friend.

⤷ a lot of these traits still remain true, but there is a little bit of reserve. she really feels a lot of fear deep down as she still doesn't fully trust herself to tell what's real and what isn't. pretending like everything is fine, just like how she always did, makes her feel normal so she's trying to make it seem like nothing has changed.

⤷ i feel like because she's trying so hard to find that normality in her life, she could definitely come off as a bit insincere !! it's not her intention to seem that way, because she is genuinely looking for lifelong connections !!!! she was just so accustomed to feeling like she could make friends naturally that now she feels out of her element ... plus she feels like she has no one on her side ( she cut them out herself out of embarrassment !! ) so she wants to cling onto anyone willing to let her !!!!!

⤷ one of the ways she's trying to feel like she used to is by adopting a cat ... she never had a cat before but she's a natural caretaker and when she dropped out 2 months ago, she was on somewhat of an impulsive streak and officially adopted the stray cat she's been feeding outside her dorm since she became a trainee. she just didn't think he would be so naughty, but she assumes leo is too accustomed to the life of a stray to just suddenly become an indoor cat.

⤷ please don't bring up her parents or what happened during the "incident" or ask when she will be going back to the academy ... she won't say anything and she would like to move on !!! ( as the daughter of the masters of misdirection best believe she will find a way to get this conversation to go elsewhere !!! )

PLOTS / CONNECTIONS / THREADS ETC.,

please see here .........

⤷ i really believe it's easy for her to meet people despite her internal fear so i feel like there's many possibilities !!! i love brainstorming so no worries if nothing below fits either <3

she's kinda innocent. very much a good-girl who has never done anything wrong in her life nor has she ever thought about it. feel free to corrupt her slowly bc i think it would be funny ! she doesn't plan on becoming a superhero anyway so ... take that as u will.

she's a caretaker and it's ok to admit that sometimes it's a bad thing ! she can be overbearing but who else is going to take care of this person if not her !!!

for someone who was this close to become a superhero herself, she has gotten into trouble yet again. it's usually self-inflicted but this time it's not and she needs a little bit of help since she's not going to use her own abilities to get out of this ( they can be angry with her about it after if they know her ability, or take the nickname of her saviour in stride if they don't )

fellow ex-trainees pls unite ... if they weren't a friend of hers while they were in the academy she would like to change that :)

she doesn't consider herself to be lucky in the department of love due to a number of reasons but still goes on blind dates set up by someone she knows. it's something people her age do at least ... which is one way to feel normal?

she knows that her cat is a bit of a wildcard and incredibly independent but she has a heart attack every time he disappears for more than a couple hours. imagine the betrayal she feels when she's in the middle of putting up lost posters and leo walks out of their apartment ...

she really hates the idea of going to therapy sessions and dislikes talking about her problems but she decided to attend a group session in case it would help change her mind. seeing a familiar face doesn't ease her nerves but she forgot to bring blockers to prevent her stress from making her act out.

it's very very very hard to get on her bad side, mostly bc she tries too hard to see the good in people. maybe it was a misunderstanding that was never cleared up but she really cannot be in the same room as them ... how will they interact when they're stuck on the elevator together ...

[acti-veg]

hi,

i was wondering if you think severely mentally ill people should have euthanasia as an option

i know this might be a difficult question to answer so please don’t feel you have to but i value your opinion

bc i believe the level of mental health support needed by some people does not exist, and they may suffer immensely their whole lives

i know you have to consider various factors including the effect on family etc but say someone has an incurable mental illness, wants to die and has no loved ones - and may actually cause more harm alive than dead - should they be allowed to die?

say the decision is not impulsive but they’ve suffered with their mental health for many years and tried lots of forms of treatment which hasn’t helped?

i feel all of the above apply to me apart from i do have family who wouldn’t want me to do it but at the same time staying alive for decades when you’re suffering pretty much constantly seems like a big ask :(

I'm going to try to answer this as a general ethical question. Whether I believe assisted dying should be an option for those who have been through the proper processes and can receive the relevant care, and whether I believe you specifically should be 'allowed to die' are totally different questions. I am not comfortable even commenting on the latter one given that I am not a professional and have very little information to go on, as I'm sure you can understand.

I believe in the right to self-determination for everyone, so long as they have the capacity to make their own decisions. That should include both how we live our lives, and the manner and timing of our deaths.

The practicalities and various lines that must be drawn are complex, but organisations like DIGNITAS already provide a good model. They require that participants be of sound mind, but what they mean by that is really just that the person is capable of making their own decision about their own condition. Their statement on the matter includes the following:

"Contrary to a widely-held opinion, people suffering from mental health problems normally have sufficient capacity of discernment to decide whether they would like to continue living or end their life. Therefore, and as a general rule, they are entitled to ask for an accompanied suicide and receive assistance just as much as people suffering from physical health problems, in order to avoid the high risk of failure. The same applies to healthy people who wish to end their life because they feel that it has become too arduous for them due to old age. There are no rational reasons to patronise these people through paternalism."

Of course, this is all has to be determined by a process of conversations and assessments by professionals. I would say though, that nobody should be dying because they can't access proper mental or physical health care; an organisation like DIGNITAS can only really provide it's intended function in a society where healthcare is accessible. Otherwise, you essentially just have 'your options are deal with it or die,' and we can't let those be the only choices available to people.

It's a difficult thing to think about and there will never be any ideal 'solution', but we have to stop assuming that someone wanting to end their life necessarily means that they are in some way deranged or cannot be trusted to think for themselves. People must be allowed to make their own decisions about their own healthcare, which should include both passive and active euthanasia.

Again though, I want to emphasise that this is a scenario where someone has access to proper mental health care, have been through the relevant assessments, the legal processes, made arrangements for what happens after death, disclosed all of this to the relevant parties and is being properly assisted. That won't be the case for someone thinking about this in isolation, who do not have access to a service like DIGNITAS. In short, assisted dying and suicide in the way we usually think of it are not the same thing.

For what it's worth, I'm always here if you want to talk to someone. Even if you just need someone outside the situation to vent to, then my inbox is always open. Take care of yourself, anon.

[mewintheflesh-2]

More Nightsky Headcanons :) Mostly About Winona, Mikey, and Nikey.

(Got some whump in this one.) (is it whump?) (I think so idk)

Winona likes to call Mikey Sky-Boy in a taunt kind of way, but a “I love you, idiot” kind of way

Mikey is not good at hiding his emotions as I’ve discussed, so sometimes he’ll just look at Winona in like any formal-wear and he just “Uhhhh, uhhhh einwidheiwneieneie hi” and his face is like red as a tomato and Winona’s just like LMAO Arceus I fucking love you

FOREHEAD KISSES all the time, hand kisses, they’re very comfortable with moderate PDA, but they’re like all over eachother when they’re mostly alone. Constantly hugging, holding hands, you know the drill. They’re so fucking adorable

Mikey is pretty decent at flirting, but Winona is always on top of her game. Flirting between the two almost always starts with Mikey saying something pretty good, and then Winona just knocking him to the ground metaphorically with something he could’ve never even guessed, something that leaves him absolutely stunned in the best way possible. He wants to someday find something he can say that will make Winona feel the same way.

Also, the outside of Team Sky’s base is decked the fuck out with wind chimes of all kinds. The area it’s in gets a shit ton of wind, which has also resorted in the base being partly wind powered.

anyways back to the Nightsky

Nikey often finds himself holding his own hand when he’s alone just to have some sense of what he used to have with Winona

Despite him very much being cursed, people outside his close proximity only know it to be a rumour. He prefers to keep it that way and will very much dock the pay of anyone who is too persistent to know.

The skin around the cursed eye is like… really gross. Like Marvel’s Spider Man 2 Symbiote Suit gross. The green dot below the eye has the texture and material of marble. The red iris can burn through almost any fabrics aside from one, which is exactly what his eyepatch is made of. He is EXTREMELY insecure about how the skin around his eye is and if anybody brings it up, he will either A. Threaten to kill them. B. Hurt them physically. Or C. Just leave and then hide away from everything and everyone. Depends on his mood.

There was a point in time where he got deadly sick for like a week, almost died, and nobody knew because everyone assumed he was just self isolating again. He didn’t think of his sickness as much at first, just a small cold, he’ll just wait it out. But as it went on, and he began to feel worse, he began having intense physical symptoms, began to be unable to stand even with a cane. He began to rely on dry snacks in his house as he couldn’t do anything to cook for himself, which only worsened his condition as it was mostly unhealthy food. He was lucky he even had any water in his room in the first place, otherwise he surely would’ve been dead long before anyone found him.

He couldn’t call for help either. His voice was too quiet and hoarse to call out for the bodyguards standing guard right outside his house. He began to experience extreme delirium and even when he was breaking things inside his house in an attempt to call attention to someone, anyone- to help him. The guards just assumed he was having another episode. Constant burning inside his body, jolts of pain coarse go through his body like lightning any time he moved. He couldn’t sleep either, which only worsened his delirium and caused more intense hallucinations. Hallucinations of people he loved, people he lost, whether by death or otherwise. Hallucinations of people he killed.

It wasn’t until he crawled to his front door, scratching and clawing, unable to stand up to reach all the locks he had brandished on the entrance to his house, that someone finally opened the door and saw the horrible state he was in. His hair was a mess, his skin was dirty, he was barely clothed, and his eyepatch was missing. He began to be treated on sight by his personal doctor, who was called for an emergency to his house. But his condition was far too severe for that to suffice. He was taken to the nearest hospital and put into emergency treatment.

Turns out, the reason he had fallen so deathly ill was due to a deadly poison known as “Parasect G” which is known to kill any recipient within the next 24 hours after consumption. The doctors said it was a miracle Nikey had even survived for as long as he did, especially with how he was handling it. The doctors also found that his body had been suffering from long term and deadly amounts of intense stress. They ended up keeping him in the hospital for months to get his body to be even remotely healthy.

Nikey hadn’t realised just how exhausted and in pain he’d been for the past 5 years. And when he found himself alone in his hospital room, all he could do was cry. He’d been so… tired. All this time he was so tired- and now he was feeling it, all at once. He just wanted to curl into a ball and dissipate into pure light. All he could do now… was make the most of his hospital-ridden state, and just take the time to just… rest. Weeks after recovery, Nikey found himself vaguely wishing that it had taken him out. Or that he could atleast be that close to the brink again, because atleast then, he could be taken to the hospital again, and have time to breathe again. He has a purpose, he’s the ruler of the world, and yet… he feels so lost. Like he’s waiting for something that’ll never come, that he doesn’t even know what it is. But he’s holding out for something.

And he will get that something. Whatever it may be.

[lemonhemlock]

I've been reading through the conversation regarding Aemond and 'unconditional love' and I could 100% see how Aemond could see his relationship with his mother as conditional. Alicent is shown to be struggling mentally, to be frustrated at times with Helaena and exasperated with Aegon. It would only be all too easy for little Aemond to form the opinion that his mother's affection is conditional on him being a prodigal son, on him behaving a certain way.

Not to start a fire, just my thoughts

Hello & don't worry, I'm not going to bite your head off. Different perspectives are welcome! It's good to be able to talk about this universe without going on a rampage every time someone develops a divergent take. Sadly, oftentimes people block each other or become catty whenever someone just as much as deviates slightly from a particular set interpretation.

The main reason I think why Alicent fans get so defensive about her is because society has a really fucked-up, unhealthy obsession with criticizing mothers over every single thing. People who have traversed motherhood constantly complain about the pressure of being perfect and not being able to rise up to society's expection, of the hurt they feel at being regularly castigated and condemned. For a child bride and victim of marital rape, Alicent is shown very little empathy from large swathes of the fandom. She is a bad mother who hates her children and is guilty of setting them against Rhaenyra. That's a very, very uncharitable view, to say the least.

It does my head in to think of how these people actually interact or judge mothers in real life. For example, a lot of them look at young!Alicent desperately trying to comfort a crying Helaena and see that as proof that her daughter hates her or that she hates her daughter. Do they really have the same reaction if they see a desperate mother on the street, close to tears because her baby won't shut up and she doesn't know what else to do to calm her down? Seven hells.

Alicent is obviously in over her head as a child herself with four young children. She is overwhelmed by her new responsibilities as queen and mother and hasn't been allowed to finish her own development as a person. To top that off, she is afraid for their lives. She is going to make mistakes; who wouldn't? Rhaenyra is allowed to interact with motherhood on a vastly different level - she is allowed to explore her sexuality, conceive children on her own terms and is oblivious to the dangers that surround them because of their bastardy. She is, no doubt, going to be a calmer, more indulgent mother overall.

To return to your question, I do believe Aemond has a huge chip on his shoulder and is struggling with self-confidence issues already. To add to his precarious social position, he is also disabled and disfigured. That does a lot of damage to a person's self-esteem. He's not going to have a positive outlook on life and assume the best of people. I can see him sinking so low as to view himself as unbefitting and valueless.

Can that feeling project to his mother? Perhaps. He may very well come to subconsciously believe that, as wretched as he is, he has to overcompensate and become the perfect son & heir in all other aspects, so as to secure everyone's admiration, yes, including his mother's. This can happen no matter how much Alicent assures him that she loves him (she obviously has problems verbalizing this, but doesn't mean she doesn't feel it).

There can also be an element of competition with Aegon - who craves his parents' approval above anything: Aegon gets everything handed over on a platter anyway, but the one thing Aegon can't get (but Aemond can) is Alicent's approval. So he's going to work as hard as possible to ensure that he never loses it and never becomes like Aegon in her eyes. Which is ironic considering what happens with Luke.

But this is all very nuanced stuff and there is a lot more to it than the merciless characterization of Alicent's love being dependent on Aemond doing his homework or something equally trite. Of course there are limits (for all for us!) when it comes to gaining a parent's approval - it's normal human behaviour, not evil or reprehensible. No parent would want their child to drink themselves to death and sleep with nigh every sex worker in the city. Aegon is a very extreme example for someone supposedly not living up to Alicent's exacting standards.

The comparison to Vhagar comes into play here, but is that truly supposed to be a good thing? Vhagar is a dragon, she goes roar, eats people, dracarys. She is not a complex person in a difficult social situation. Of course she doesn't care whether Aemond performs his duties or not, she's a dragon. Does that mean that Aemond should be allowed to act in society in any old way he wants, just because Vhagar would still consider him her rider? Alicent shouldn't be viewed as an evil/person for wanting her children to behave and trying to discipline them when they don't. Equally, it's very understandable why Aemond would find Vhagar's indifference for his level of social conformity very, very attractive and escapist.

We can have debates about the breakdown in communication between parents and children and about what the lack of mental health awareness does to these relationships without vilifying a mother trying her best (and who, herself, is a victim of abuse). Alicent is not wandering around the Red Keep with a university degree in child development and psychology, after all.

Thanks for dropping by!

[yallemagne]

in my mind i always thought jonathan was just,, a very distant guy, in general, not in the sense that he actively Disliked any of them (although i do often entertain myself with him being like. Constantly mildly annoyed by seward purely for the sitcom interactions of it) but he just generally does not care to approach anyone unless they actively show him that they want him to. as far as jonathan's concerned he was there to hunt some vampires and go home and the team needed him because he did a good job at it, it never once would cross his mind that these people actually like him and want to include him simply because unless somebody straight up says to his face Jonathan Harker I Want To Be Friends With You he'll assume otherwise. not in some "wah this is so sad nobody likes me" way, he kind of would just. He seems like a guy who's been outcasted pretty frequently, from what we know about him, and by some point he just stops really caring about being included, he's there to get shit done and forgets about the whole,, communicating with other human beings aspect of it.

(plus by the point they decided to exclude mina jonathan would be lowkey pissed and for a few days have No Interactions with any of them other than walks into room leaves enormous stack of papers "i have worked" wasn't seen again for 40 hours)

Yeah, Jonathan really feels like a man who blends into the background. Kind of like Utterson. He's lovely to interact with! Really a breath of fresh air! But at the same time, he can just fade into the wood panelling behind him.

And like... I feel that. So much. It's a form of isolation that you just get used to, and at a certain point, it becomes self-inflicted. You're just so used to being just a blip in everyone else's periphery that you resolve to remove yourself from the equation. I mean by just like... avoiding contact.

Meanwhile, Mina is the only person who's ever truly made him feel important. Lucy (at least in my headcanon) was a loving and sweet friend, but he was pushed out of her life without much resistance. Mr. Hawkins saw Jonathan as a son, and I'm sure Jonathan appreciated him as a father... but Mr. Hawkins is also Jonathan's boss, and Jonathan is one of many employees. Van Helsing and the others orbit around Mina.

Jonathan doesn't have any friends or family of his own other than Mina, and then he has to leave her behind. And what good does that do? It only hurts her. It damns her. And then she's asking him to kill her with the implied condition that he's not allowed to follow where she goes. And what? He'll be left with these guys? He can't be asked to forsake his only family. If God takes issue with his wrath, so be it, because there is no Hell colder than a life without Mina.

Dammit, why am I getting emotional now, y'all anons got me thinking about stuff.

[thegreatlibraryfangirl]

i wasn't sure which one of the aro questions i should ask so answer whatever 3 questions u like most

Oh bless you anon, you could ask any that you fancied!

But OK fabulous I will pick some.

Where do you fit in the aro community (ex, alloaro / aroace / nonSAM aro / etc)?

Alloaro, sexual attraction is the uncomplicated side of life LOL. I’m also arospec rather than aromantic, because I have experienced romantic attraction before.

How long have you known you are aro? 

(more frustrated horse noises). I swear I had posted something on tumblr about this realisation, but can I find it??? Of course not. Some time early 2021 was announcing it to myself.

My whole life I’ve never had a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone. It tends not to bother me, other than what I would phrase as “I want to be someone’s most important person”, which is the desperate attention whore in me lol and technically isn’t a romantic or sexual desire, though of course it’s unlikely to be  fulfilled any other way (mumbles about amatonormativity). My mum still believes I’ll find someone, which,like, I am in my 30s. I have had a lifetime of not sharing my life, my bed, my time. I’m not sure I could comfortably accommodate another person in stereotypical couple living conditions now even if I did love them.

In 2020 I had an unsuccessful (for several different reasons, including covid) attempt at starting a relationship, which made me realise that I might actually be less likely to create romantic feelings than other people (previously i’d just assumed that you either found The One immediately or that romantic feelings just grew for everyone over time. I had to explain dating to myself somehow lol. the whole dating thing feels like nonsense to me.).

Then in about Feb 2021 my best friend of a decade started Going Through Some Shit and I discovered that adding the resulting increase in emotional intimacy to the cocktail of ten years of bestfriendship + existing lowkey sexual attraction = romantic feelings. Mainly of the “I wish I could fix it for you” variety, but romantic feelings nonetheless. And then I was like, ooooh okay, so this is the deal. This is an unusual feeling, I don’t know if I’ve had this before.

And then (thank you a decade on Tumblr steeping me in both microlabels and anti-gatekeeping concepts) I just shrugged and said okay, and called myself demi. I’m still not sure if that’s the correct label, so sometimes I use greyaro or arospec.

Do you have any aro-spec headcanons?

Oh yes! I have blathered about all of these before but yes, let’s go over them again.

Annis is aromantic and allosexual. She doesn’t feel romantic attraction like she knows other people do, and she’s not bothered by it. Happy in her skin.

Glain is ... well, I waver constantly between making her aroace or aroallo, but regardless, she’s aromantic, and romance-repulsed.

Wolfe is. Hm. We say Nic-sexual a lot on here, and like, basically that lol. Wolfe has had one romantic and probably one sexual attraction his entire life, and it’s to his Niccolo. Exactly which label to pick for that, who knows? Demi? Definitely neurodivergent??

Morgan is arospec, label unknown to her or me lol. Based on her thoughts in Smoke and Iron, where she admits that she really cares for Jess, but doesn’t love him.

I was browsing microlabels yesterday and oops now i have a new headcanon: Thomas is nebularomantic, which is basically quoiromantic (can’t distinguish romantic from platonic feelings) but exclusively for neurodivergent people. Because I also headcanon Thomas as neurodivergent of some sort, and I absolutely interpret an awful lot of his canonical relationship with Jess as blurring that line between friends and “in love”.

[oediex]

You know what, yeah, that bell hooks quotation wasn't appropriate, it doesn't say what the person who added it think it says.

But I don't think it's fair to say that that man who everyone is pissing on somehow claimed we had to "hold his hand" or "coddle" him or whatever. Or even that women had to do it.

He never once even mentioned the word 'woman' in that post. I'm not excluding that that what he was implying - it's very possible! - but what he said was "the left", and let's be clear, this is his understanding of what the left is. I saw people saying that a "self-proclaimed leftist" should understand that his answer was still drenched in patriarchal thinking. But he never once proclaimed he was a leftist. Perhaps he thinks he is, but all he said was that he got "out" of the "alt-right". For all we know, that means he voted for the Democratic Party and we, who are on the left, all know that's not the fucking left.

The question that was posed was how do we keep young men from turning right wing, and he offered an explanation. An explanation! Not an excuse! Again something that a lot of people just assumed.

And yes, it was a flawed explanation, and yes he has some things to learn, and yes it was uncritical and terribly phrased.

But can we recognise that not everyone has the necessary critical thinking skills to completely dig their way out of the overarching ideology that fucking rules our lives? Critical thinking skills aren't something that we are born with. It's something that is learned, something that you have to train. It's a never-ending project. And from what I know of the educational system in the US? That's not where you get it.

Speaking of bell hooks, at least she understands this. In that book (The Will to Change) she writes that "most men never think about patriarchy - what it means, how it is created and sustained." She writes how the patriarchy sees men's violence and the one emotion they're allowed to have, anger, as "natural". Understanding the patriarchy is something that has to be learned, and you either figure it out yourself by reading, but most of us probably had someone in our lives who talked to us about it, taught us about it, and then we might have started reading more about it.

What if you don't have someone like that? What if all you hear is that the things feminists tell you is bad is what was imprinted on you as "natural" to you?

Here's bell hooks:

Yet no one talks about the role patriarchal notions of manhood play in teaching boys that it is their nature to kill, then teaching them that they can do nothing to change this nature—nothing, that is, that will leave their masculinity intact.

Here's what she says of her own brother:

As patriarchal thinking and action claimed him in adolescence, he learned to mask his loving feelings. He entered that space of alienation and antisocial behavior deemed “natural” for adolescent boys.

She clearly pinpoints the moment of these patriarchal ideas taking hold to be in adolescent, and the question that was posed was, what can we do to stop that from happening? I've seen people say that nothing can be done until we change the material conditions that make it so that men systematically have power over women. And yeah, undoubtedly that is a fight we need to have. But is that truly the only way we can keep (some) boys from falling into the grasp of the (alt-)right? Is there no hope in at least reaching them in the meantime?

I've seen a post saying, "omg of course he goes for misandry" and while misandry isn't real in that men are not systematically oppressed, that doesn't mean that there aren't some out there who express hatred or disgust of men. That's not what the left stands for, obviously, but it is not absent. Here are some comments from the notes on some of these reaction posts (and presumably these are all people who consider themselves leftists):

"you should be hunted for sport"

"makes me want to commit homocide"

"kys right now"

"'leftists constantly said i should die' yeah fucking right"

"we need to double male loneliness and I'm not even kidding"

"I HATE MEN AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. THEY HATE US MORE AND THEY HAVE ALL THE POWER TO DO ACTUAL HARM TO US. Misandry is NOT FUCKING REAL but I wish it was"

"we should kill people who don't get it"

Is that hatred of men (non-systematically)? Not all of it, but some of it definitely or possibly qualifies. And it sure does look like some people (who probably think themselves leftists) think this man (or men in general) are the "scum of the earth" and that they want him/them dead. How else do you interpret some of these phrases?

Now imagine that this is something that you encounter online, and with the help of the stranglehold of the patriarchy, whispers of right wing ideology, confirmation bias, and negativity bias? I can imagine you might end up concluding they "hate you for your immutable traits" (remember patriarchy teaches boys that violence and anger is natural to them) and that they "blame you for everything that's wrong in the world".

Is that the right conclusion? No. But as much as being able to use reason is part of being human, so is not being immune to ideology and propaganda. We wouldn't fucking be where we are right now if that wasn't the case.

How do we teach boys that anger and violence aren't "immutable traits"? How do we educate them about the power of the patriarchy? Well, where does it have to come from if not from the fucking left?

Does it have to be you? No. Does it have to be women? Also no. It's probably good if it's men, and especially men who themselves walked with the right at some point (if someone has already been pulled into the right, rather than catching them before).

It can be a woman though, if there's someone who wants to do it. I don't mind doing it if someone wants to talk about it. Will I be nice? No, I won't hold back and I will tell them if what they're saying is wrong. Will I coddle them? Fuck no. Will I keep trying if someone clearly isn't listening? No. Will I be compassionate? Yeah, I think I will.

Because compassion is really important when you're trying to keep people from falling into the far-right, or even if you're trying to get them out of it (which again, isn't what we were talking about in the first place).

Here's Pete Simi, professor of Sociology, talking about Life After Hate, an American non-profit that tries to help people leave the far-right:

The organization was started by former hate group members who have been doing a lot of outreach in terms of providing testimonials and trainings to schools and law enforcement and other community groups across the country. The focus of their message is the importance of using compassion to inform prevention and intervention efforts and aftercare for individuals who want to change their lives but may need various types of support. I think LAH is a very promising development and I hope it will continue to find the resources that it needs to expand the services it provides.

Being compassionate doesn't mean coddling. It doesn't mean holding their hands and it doesn't even mean being nice to them. It doesn't exclude holding people accountable for their views. It does require patience, though. And I understand that if someone is holding the belief that you are not allowed to exist, that isn't something you can do. And that's fine. It doesn't have to be you.

But somebody has to do it, and it has to be someone on the left.

Now none of that means that the suffering of men under patriarchy, and the fact that this has to be addressed loud and clear, are more important than the suffering that women, and especially women whose oppression intersects with other levels of oppression. I've seen some tags on reaction posts that stated "omg of course centring men in discussions of gender" - but the post was about men. That was the whole starting point!

Because men do suffer under the patriarchy. And it's pushing them to the right, towards misogyny and racism, unless they develop the necessary critical thinking skills to understand their own suffering. And you know who thinks so too? bell hooks.

Often men, to speak the pain, first turn to the women in their lives and are refused a hearing. In many ways women have bought into the patriarchal masculine mystique. Asked to witness a male expressing feelings, to listen to those feelings and respond, they may simply turn away.

Since men have yet to organize a feminist men’s movement that would proclaim the rights of men to emotional awareness and expression, we will not know how many men have indeed tried to express feelings, only to have the women in their lives tune out or be turned off.

It is a form of abuse that this culture continues to deny. Boys socialized to become patriarchs are being abused. As victims of child abuse via socialization in the direction of the patriarchal ideal, boys learn that they are unlovable.

The patriarchal model that tells men that they must be in control at all times is at odds with cultivating the capacity to be responsible, which requires knowing when to control and when to surrender and let go. Responsible men are capable of self-criticism. If more men were doing the work of self-critique, then they would not be wounded, hurt, or chagrined when critiqued by others, especially women with whom they are intimate. Engaging in self-critique empowers responsible males to admit mistakes. When they have wronged others, they are willing to acknowledge wrongdoing and make amends. When others have wronged them, they are able to forgive. The ability to be forgiving is part of letting go of perfectionism and accepting vulnerability. At the same time, constructive criticism works only when it is linked to a process of affirmation. Giving affirmation is an act of emotional care. Wounded men are not often able to say anything positive. They are the grump-and-groan guys; cloaked in cynicism, they stand at an emotional distance from themselves and others. Affirmation brings us closer together. It is the highest realization of compassion and empathy with others. One of the negative aspects of antimale feminist critiques of masculinity was the absence of any affirmation of that which is positive and potentially positive in male being. When individuals, including myself, wrote about the necessity of affirming men and identifying them as comrades in struggle, we were often labeled male-identified. The women who attacked us did not understand that it was possible to critique patriarchy without hating men. Indeed, recognizing all the ways that males have been victimized by patriarchy (even though they received rewards) was a way of including men in feminist movement, welcoming their presence and honoring their contribution.

“in order to create loving males we need to love males” means teach boys that they can be themselves without being less of a man. it means being encouraging and nurturing of their emotions so they don’t become cold and hateful. it means showing boys, early in their lives, that they have value outside of what our society deems proper masculinity. what it doesn’t mean is that it’s our job to handhold men who see women as walking sex toys through the concept of empathy, and maybe if we’re really really nice to them and don’t say things that hurt their feelings they’ll stop killing us for saying no