chaosvents - Tumblr blog

[chaosvents]

so i'm tracking my cycle for the first time in my life and i'm consistently shocked by it. i was kind of a cunt today and i pull up my app and... oh. right.

[chaosvents]

i woke up feeling like a whole trash can, weak, tired, irritable, anxious, congested. fixed it with ice water, caffeine, electrolytes, aspirin, sudafed, mood stabilizer, zyrtec, and weed, all of which is conveniently located within 50 steps of where i am right now. i literally have no idea how anyone lived day to day in past centuries i would cliff jump into the fucking grand canyon

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putting the rest of this here so i don't spam anyone lol. my immediate reaction before i could even think about it was "staahhpp dont flirt with me like that unless you want them around your throat" which is already insane but they just rolled with it and asked "so if i went up to you and said you have sexy hands you'd let me hit" and again i should have thought about my response here but i said "instant yes no hesitation" and they were just like 👀

flirting with my friends and making them fidget is my favorite pastime and that's why all my closest irl friends are fucken bottoms

stoppppp my friend just complimented my hands and now i HAVE to fuck them and i can't due to the several hundred miles between us. i'm ridiculous someone please find my off switch

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i love when my boss is like "i like that it's not about the compensation for you" because 1. i have no idea why he thinks that and 2. it's really fun to respond with "yeah it's great, i make about 80% of what i need to live!"

a difference of $2/hour really adds up when you're not making enough to survive, man. it doesn't matter to you because your house is paid off and you make enough to support your family of 5. most of my income goes to just staying afloat. savings aren't even possible. if something expensive breaks i'm sol.

but also, so are most people 🙄 get your head out of your ass

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the ocean near florida: practically boiling

ron desantis: i'm banning alternative meat

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this changes everything... oh my god.

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being an asshole for no reason (even "sarcastically") is the most insufferable personality trait change my mind

regarding: ryan george, creator of "pitch meetings", a comedy skit series on screenrant about movies and tv. he plays two characters, a screenwriter and a producer, and the screenwriter pitches the movie to the producer. lately, he's been doing reviews of his oldest pitch meetings, which are several years old at least, up to 10 if i remember right. and in the comments of these reviews, so many people mentioned that he's gained weight that be brought it up in a video. he looked so sad and uncomfortable. it broke my heart.

first of all, there was NO reason to bring that up except to make him feel bad, and being cruel for no reason is the worst trait in a person. this actually goes double for being cruel for no reason but disguising it as "sarcasm" because then they're also making the person feel dumb for being hurt by it.

the only time you should say anything about a youtuber's weight/body is when you have something nice to say, AND they've explicitly invited comments or asked for feedback, AND your comment is on topic.

e.g: "looking huge, man!" on a bodybuilder's competition video. this person's content is about their body, they've invited comments about it, and you're being kind!

also, do you think he doesn't know that he's put on weight? he was 25 in the first video, fresh out of college and single. now he's 32, married, and about to be a dad. do you think he didn't agonize over the differences before posting the video? do you think he wasn't dreading the flood of comments just like yours? do you think he didn't stare at the finished product, where almost every screenshot is a before-and-after, and seriously consider not posting it? i just don't get the motivation behind being mean for no reason. you could literally just not say anything at all if you can't think of something nice. there's just no reason for it

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i hate that i don't have a single friend who is even close to the knowledge i would need to talk about my passions properly. there's bobby who is happily dumb and will just ignore me if i try to talk about something interesting. leilany has a baby to deal with and she's also uninterested in learning anything at all. i live with my mom who as previously stated is proud of being stupid, my dad who is smart but has weird beliefs that don't make sense, and my sister who. um. doesn't like me lol.

my coworkers are idiots, i manage a call center. my boss is.... closer, but only relative to the others. my direct peer is an evangelical christian. i talk to some people here but no one anywhere near what i'm looking for. where are they. where are the non-morons who don't have a formal degree and aren't snobby and combative where are they where where where

screaming and shaking the bars of my cage. i'm so fucking sick of being surrounded by morons. please please anyone in the world who doesn't actively dislike learning. get on my level get on my level get on my fucking level. i'd never say this to anyone which is why i'm i'm putting it here but i'm smart. like, smart for real. it's such a fucking curse because i'm the only person i know who is anywhere near my knowledge level. but i don't have a degree so i can't hang with like, science professionals or whatever. why? because i know more than they do and they don't like it. again i'd never say this anywhere but here because i know how it sounds. i do. i know how it sounds but it's true and i've had efuckingnough. i'm surrounded by idiots who actively pursue NOT learning. fuck

[chaosvents]

screaming and shaking the bars of my cage. i'm so fucking sick of being surrounded by morons. please please anyone in the world who doesn't actively dislike learning. get on my level get on my level get on my fucking level. i'd never say this to anyone which is why i'm i'm putting it here but i'm smart. like, smart for real. it's such a fucking curse because i'm the only person i know who is anywhere near my knowledge level. but i don't have a degree so i can't hang with like, science professionals or whatever. why? because i know more than they do and they don't like it. again i'd never say this anywhere but here because i know how it sounds. i do. i know how it sounds but it's true and i've had efuckingnough. i'm surrounded by idiots who actively pursue NOT learning. fuck

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she pisses me off so much. like i don't understand how anyone can be this proud of not knowing things! and not caring about the things you do know about. she knows what will happen if trump is elected. she doesn't care. she thinks that anxiety is a good enough excuse to keep your head permanently in the clouds. i'll try to talk her through something and she'll panic and keep repeating "this gives me heartburn" "i don't like talking about this" until i give up. and i know this is cruel but i want to say IT SHOULD! it should give you heartburn! you should be anxious! you should be scared! this is important! fucking wake up jesus christ idk what her deal is. my sister thinks it's low blood pressure or oxygen deprivation. i think it's on purpose.

i hate election years living with my parents, man. the world is burning, the arctic is melting, the wealth gap is spreading, wages are stagnant, cost of living is skyrocketing, and rights are being taken away and regulated at the whim of old men with hearts full of hate. meanwhile i have to gently talk my mother through an explanation of why it's bad that donald trump said he'd be a dictator, but only on his first day. she also said if biden loses he will also incite an insurrection? and that idk what makes her think that but she also yelled at me for saying trump is a convicted criminal. "so is joe biden" not... not for attempting a coup in response to losing an election though. but she doesn't see the difference. granted my mom kind of revels in her stupidity, i don't really understand her. she's proud of not knowing things, but i'm very much the type of person who is trying to learn every minute of every day, i jokingly call it 'need to know everything disease' and it is a blessing and a curse. the curse is Knowing How Bad It Really Is, obviously. but the blessing is knowing wtf is going on with the world. but she's proud of not knowing anything i'm ever talking about. she's been married to my dad for almost 30 years and she jokes nonstop about how her eyes glaze over when he talks about his work (that he's been doing for 40 years). like... that's not the flex you think it is?

anyway. all rants end up with my mother because she's the root of most of my trauma. my point here is that i was telling her i was anxious about the election and she decided to spend a couple hours arguing. and her point just drives me nuts. basically, she's not voting out of protest ("i'll vote when i see a good option, im 55 and i never have"). no amount of gentle slow explaining can convince her why that's not the protest she thinks it is. her secondary point is that all politicians are vicious criminals who hate you. which, like, yeah, but she uses it as an excuse to play dumb. she's proud of not knowing literally anything at all about politics because the depth and breadth of her knowledge is "politics is boring and politicians are bad". like please. please. the anti-intellectualism is killing me. why do you hate learning.

and that's another thing she does that makes me insane! she's one of those "i make fun of you because i love you" people and bringing it up will just get you a fuckton more teasing. i've spent a decade begging her not to constantly make fun of and bully me because it makes me feel like im in school again. but every time i bring it up she asks "if i didnt tease you how would you know i love you?" as if i wouldn't feel so much more loved if she listened to me. anyway one of the things she teases me about is that i like to learn. i will bring up something cool i learned and she immediately bursts into laughter. i've asked her questions afterwards and she always answers like "i don't know, i wasn't really listening". i'll tell a story and she'll respond with something completely random in a way that shows she wasn't listening even a little bit. that happens especially when im excited and telling good news and she responds with "oh, it'll be okay, hopefully tomorrow is better". like???? okay not only were you not listening, you also see my excitement and joy and assume you need to comfort me? what the fuck is wrong with her.

my sister is a nurse and her and i talk about this all the time. my mom acts stoned constantly. she takes 30-60 seconds to respond to any question and her response is "...what?" at least 1/3 of the time. the rest of the time it's a toss-up whether her response will be a random sentence she pulled out of her ass, or something that has anything to do with the topic being discussed. she doesn't do drugs either! no weed, no pills, not even alcohol. i swear to god she's proud of being stupid and slow. like she's doing it on purpose. she never used to be like this. it makes me want to slap her. wake the fuck up! react to something! join a conversation! learn something about your kid or husband! fuck!

[chaosvents]

i hate election years living with my parents, man. the world is burning, the arctic is melting, the wealth gap is spreading, wages are stagnant, cost of living is skyrocketing, and rights are being taken away and regulated at the whim of old men with hearts full of hate. meanwhile i have to gently talk my mother through an explanation of why it's bad that donald trump said he'd be a dictator, but only on his first day. she also said if biden loses he will also incite an insurrection? and that idk what makes her think that but she also yelled at me for saying trump is a convicted criminal. "so is joe biden" not... not for attempting a coup in response to losing an election though. but she doesn't see the difference. granted my mom kind of revels in her stupidity, i don't really understand her. she's proud of not knowing things, but i'm very much the type of person who is trying to learn every minute of every day, i jokingly call it 'need to know everything disease' and it is a blessing and a curse. the curse is Knowing How Bad It Really Is, obviously. but the blessing is knowing wtf is going on with the world. but she's proud of not knowing anything i'm ever talking about. she's been married to my dad for almost 30 years and she jokes nonstop about how her eyes glaze over when he talks about his work (that he's been doing for 40 years). like... that's not the flex you think it is?

anyway. all rants end up with my mother because she's the root of most of my trauma. my point here is that i was telling her i was anxious about the election and she decided to spend a couple hours arguing. and her point just drives me nuts. basically, she's not voting out of protest ("i'll vote when i see a good option, im 55 and i never have"). no amount of gentle slow explaining can convince her why that's not the protest she thinks it is. her secondary point is that all politicians are vicious criminals who hate you. which, like, yeah, but she uses it as an excuse to play dumb. she's proud of not knowing literally anything at all about politics because the depth and breadth of her knowledge is "politics is boring and politicians are bad". like please. please. the anti-intellectualism is killing me. why do you hate learning.

and that's another thing she does that makes me insane! she's one of those "i make fun of you because i love you" people and bringing it up will just get you a fuckton more teasing. i've spent a decade begging her not to constantly make fun of and bully me because it makes me feel like im in school again. but every time i bring it up she asks "if i didnt tease you how would you know i love you?" as if i wouldn't feel so much more loved if she listened to me. anyway one of the things she teases me about is that i like to learn. i will bring up something cool i learned and she immediately bursts into laughter. i've asked her questions afterwards and she always answers like "i don't know, i wasn't really listening". i'll tell a story and she'll respond with something completely random in a way that shows she wasn't listening even a little bit. that happens especially when im excited and telling good news and she responds with "oh, it'll be okay, hopefully tomorrow is better". like???? okay not only were you not listening, you also see my excitement and joy and assume you need to comfort me? what the fuck is wrong with her.

my sister is a nurse and her and i talk about this all the time. my mom acts stoned constantly. she takes 30-60 seconds to respond to any question and her response is "...what?" at least 1/3 of the time. the rest of the time it's a toss-up whether her response will be a random sentence she pulled out of her ass, or something that has anything to do with the topic being discussed. she doesn't do drugs either! no weed, no pills, not even alcohol. i swear to god she's proud of being stupid and slow. like she's doing it on purpose. she never used to be like this. it makes me want to slap her. wake the fuck up! react to something! join a conversation! learn something about your kid or husband! fuck!

[chaosvents]

the older i get the more ridiculous of a concept gym glass is. why are we making high schoolers exercise in the middle of the day and then get dressed in the same clothes without showering? and then in my school we had a swim unit where we were required to wear a very specific school-issued swimsuit. my titties did NOT fit into it and i regularly had to rush to cover myself up. i just feel like teenagers are a group of people that shouldn't be forced to see & be seen by 60 of their peers in a swimsuit. it at least could have been more modest like why am i 14 years old crying because Joey pointed at me and wolf whistled as i got out of the pool. insane that they did that to us. and then we had 6 minutes to shower, get dressed, and get to our next class. it was legitimately traumatizing and cruel tbh

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my favorite old person thing - and i mean the older millennials too here - is complaining that 'kids today' don't know how to use some random obsolete piece of technology. ooohhhh these kids don't even know how to write a check. they don't know how to text on a 10-key keyboard.

today my 45 year old coworker made fun of me for not recognizing a camera that was briefly popular in the 80s. i knew it was a camera, but he expected me, born in 1996, to recognize the actual *model name* of this specific 110 film camera. why would i know that? do you know everything about the technology trends from 10-15 years before you were born?

i just don't understand what they're getting from it. i feel the same way with cursive. my late 30s cousins HATE that their kids aren't learning cursive. who cares? when is the last time you used cursive? you type with your pointer fingers, but your kid can touch type because they learned that instead of cursive. so they're not losing out on the fine motor skills training. why do you want children to have the exact same childhood you did? the entire world has changed drastically since they were in school. it doesn't make sense to expect the curriculum to have stayed the same.

i guess it probably comes down to people not liking change, but come on, millennials. we hated gen x when they did this 20 years ago let's not repeat the cycle.

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me: i have had ENOUGH of this LIFE

me 5 minutes later: oh i just needed food/water/a shower/to go to the bathroom i'm fine

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when i say i don't listen to new music im not asking for recommendations. i've listened to the same 3,000 songs for 15 years and im not planning to change that thanks

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listen. AI has its place as a tool but i am cringing in horror at the fact that my immediate reaction to basically anything i see or read is doubt. i don't wanna live in a world where i have to inspect every news clip/science video/photo/article/post/painting/book to make sure it was made by a human. and it gets harder to tell all the time! there will be a time, and i'm worried it'll be kind of soon, where there won't be a reliable way to verify any piece of evidence or news. it could start wars! the worlds superpower nations are run by screaming toddlers in old man suits, they could totally react to some fake communication in the worst possible way and end us all.

also only semi related tangent

the worlds governments are so so SO fucking slow to react it kills me. catastrophic uncommonly intense storms all over the planet, hotter summers, colder winters, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, melting arctic sea ice, record breaking weather event after record breaking weather event. have you ever looked at lists of the global average temperature? because we briefly hit 2°C above pre-industrial time last summer. and the government response is so! so! slow! the world is burning around us and they're like hmmmm..... perhaps i'll do something about this catastrophe when new york city and miami are six feet underwater, phoenix is an uninhabitable ghost city, and they're growing corn in northern canada. same with ai, it's getting exponentially more powerful and the people at the big levers simply can't react fast enough to regulate it