#like every time I break up with someone actually Erik is there for me and I’m like ohhhh my girl with disorganized attachment
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Ah yea you are
I love this . narrative storytelling
#god I was so coocoo crazy about them 3 years ago and I feel it coming back#like every time I break up with someone actually Erik is there for me and I’m like ohhhh my girl with disorganized attachment#as always he’s a woman to me.
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I have always liked the idea of the school for mutants being very literally a school, and I know yes it is but I mean in the sense of if you want to be an X-men, you have to be a teacher. They have exams at the end of years, they have Ofsted checks (for those who don’t know what they are, it’s essentially people coming to check that the school is good at being a school) and they have teachers for every subject, which brings me to my next point;
“I’m Right You’re Wrong, Here’s What The X-Men (‘97 specifically) Would Teach As Subjects”.
(Also this is based off of UK school system but I use American terms like “seniors” and “AP” and “Midterms”)
Maths Teacher Gambit is surprising, for a guy most assume to not being entirely smart, an idiot goof off who’s the comedic relief. But you need to know numbers to gamble, and that he does with being very well versed in mathematics way past an AP level. He’s made the promise for every senior class that he will teach them to play blackjack on the final day, and has only ever lost once. Which is when the rule of “no betting real money” came into place.
English teacher Jean reminds me of the kind of teacher who would let the social outcasts into her class for their lunch breaks. The kids more likely to be bullied and she will fight tooth and nail to make sure those kids bullies don’t come into that classroom. they’re loud and shout and shouldn’t really be in there but no one has to know and she certainly won’t be telling them to leave any time soon.
Physics teacher Magneto is very specific to my highschool experience I’ll be honest. I had a physics teacher who was an actual Dr with a PHD and he hated being there. His classroom has (well, had since the building was knocked down about 5 years ago now) this one cabinet that was never fully shut, it was always open just about an inch or two, and he’d stand with his foot hovering just above it and then slam down on it whenever we got too loud so the noise would shut us up. That’s very magneto coded. Erik Lehnsherr would purposefully make the cabinet always a little open so he can do that.
Biology teacher morph is just a funny concept, a person whose physical form and change and morph into just about anything. They are considered one of the “fun” teachers, you could easily convince them to let you watch a movie all class as long as it was biology centred, but with classics like Osmosis Jones, you’re not stuck watching a documentary about animals giving birth.
Chemistry teacher Storm does not fuck about with children’s education. She is not strict by any means whatsoever, she just will not bend to someone saying they want to watch a film or should do a practical instead of theory. She has a set curriculum. She knows what she will be doing by the first week of the summer holidays and already has the room set up all pretty and organised.
Geography teacher Scott has the unfortunate job of telling his students that, they just won’t be looking at memorising country flags and politics. But hey!! Rocks are cool!! Beach shores are cool! Lake formations are cool! He’s the vice principal and designated nerd teacher. He once beat the elite four for a student on their copy of Pokémon Red because the student promised they’d do well in their midterms. Yes, he was in his 30s when the game came out, he doesn’t care.
History teacher Logan is a walking fun facts book. He’s exhausted, goes on smoke breaks on every gap of time he has, dislikes his job and will randomly get passionate about one specific topic, and will then dedicate his next 4 classes to that topic. Having been through a lot of modern history with personal experiences, he’s able to bring a lot of souvenirs to show his classes. Bullets, helmets, clothes he once wore hundreds of years ago, his personal memories of basic inventions like the vaccine.
PE (physical education) teacher Rogue is full of fun sports games, you can join any kind of sports team you can imagine and if you ask nicely enough, she’ll put Just Dance on a projector in the sports hall so you can just play that instead of actually play an actual sport. As long as you leave her class exhausted and without time to have a shower before your next class then she’s succeeded in making whoever your next teacher is absolutely miserable (bonus points if it’s Logan with his enhanced sense of smell).
Art teacher jubilee does believe that there is a right way to critique art. And she can be a little in your face about it. She does think you can have wrong opinions especially when it comes to your own art. If she overhears you saying you didn’t something wrong, she’ll scream into a megaphone “adapt, improvise, overcome!”. There are no mistakes! She’s eccentric, bubbly, creative and brilliant, the only one suited for the job.
It wouldn’t be a school without budget cuts. That’s why Nightcrawler is both the languages and religions teacher and he’s beloved at both. He comes up with roleplay scenarios the students can play to help learn their chosen languages, he has varied religious texts in his room and when he says to the students “I’ll pray for toy during exam season” he’s not actually joking.
(I forgot about Hank I’m actually going to cry he’s one of my favourites and I forgot about him. He’ll be in pt two or smth.)
#x men 97#x men#gambit#remy lebeau#jean grey#magneto#erik lehnsherr#morph#morph x men#scott summers#cyclops#logan howlett#wolverine#rogue x men#anna marie lebeau#jubilee#jubilation lee#nightcrawler#kurt wagner#x men fanfiction#x men headcannons
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Do you have any Cherik fic recs where Charles was abused as a child and Erik finds out about it? I feel like I’ve read them all but on the off chance that I haven’t, I would owe you my life ;w;
(Thank you for doing these btw, your rec lists have fueled my revived Cherik obsession for the last several months!)
Hi Anon! I don't know if you'll find anything new on this list (I hope so) but here are some great fics that meet your requirements. Happy hunting :D
sins of the father by faerie_ground
Brian Xavier experiments on his only son, believing it will make him powerful. Years later, Charles Xavier still suffers from the aftereffects.
How to Successfully Ruin Your Life by Anonymous
Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier accepts a job at his local café, expecting nothing more than a fun, new pastime. What he gets is a mysterious customer and a schoolboy crush.
Divergence by Lynds
Universes and timelines collide, dropping two younger versions of Charles Xavier into the midst of the hunt for Sebastian Shaw. Now the newly formed X-men have to deal with a strangely quiet and self-reliant six year old, and a sixteen year old covered in bruises.
Erik, in particular, has to accept that the man he loves hasn't had the kind, happy upbringing he wished for him. But these children are here now, and Erik's not going to let anyone hurt them this time.
Close to you, I'm home by OneWithoutAName
As Erik is searching the manor, he finds something strange in the attic. He knows that he needs to go to Charles, if he wants some answers. After all, why would there be a nest in a small dusty attic room, when there were countless rooms with ridiculously soft beds all around the manor?
how near to fairyland by ikeracity
Since childhood, Charles has kept all the things he can't let go of in a beautiful room in his head. Cuba brings his precarious balancing act crashing down.
Gin and Tonic by JackyJango
Charles takes a deep breath to steal himself and nearly collapses on the floor out of the sheer pain the motion tugs out of his bruised ribs and stomach. Tears crowd his eyes, and even that, causes his left cheek to throb. He takes another breath despite the pain and leans on the counter for support. He feels lightheaded and dizzy. The tears threaten to surpass the barrier of his eyes and flow down his cheeks. No, he won’t cry. He can’t; because he doesn’t think he’d stop once he starts. Besides, crying will only empower Kurt further. He can’t let the man break him in every way possible.
Just as he’s about to open the tap to splash water over his eyes, the door to the bathroom bursts open and Erik enters through it.
Shit. What is Erik doing here? Shouldn’t he be in a lecture? Even if he wanted to just use the urinals, there’s already a toilet on their floor. He needn’t have walked across the campus to use the one specifically Charles is in. But before Charles could voice any of those thoughts, Erik asks in a voice as hard as steel, ‘What happened to your face?’
and the flesh searches for more than flesh by Anonymous
Charles is barely legal, and, despite his better judgement, continually uses his telepathy to get himself into the club near his house in a bid to get away from his abusive step-family. He lets himself get picked up by older, slightly creepy men if it means he gets somewhere to stay that isn’t the mansion in Westchester.
He didn’t expect to actually meet a decent guy one night, someone he could truly see himself having a relationship with. He doesn’t quite realise that’s what he’s been looking for the entire time – someone to make him feel a little less alone.
what a lovely way (of saying how much you love me) by Katbelle
There are ghosts buried in the walls of Westchester Mansion. Secrets locked in Kurt Marko's lab in the basement, Brian Xavier's west wing study, in the only east wing bedroom that Erik claimed as his own. And the thing is, Raven never knew and Cain didn't want to know, Erik doesn't understand and Charles just wants to forget what happened behind those closed door.
It's been fourteen years and it still hurts so much, claws at his insides whenever he lets himself think about it. And that's why he pushes Erik away, because Erik doesn't understand and Charles can't go through that again.
Scars by blackash26
In the heat of the moment Erik discovers that he was mistaken about a few of his assumptions regarding Charles’ life.
jigsaw puzzle; pieces that fit together by zombieinyourhead (vinndetta)
Erik doesn't hide the fact that he sees Charles as a rich, privileged kid who hasn't seen horrors like he has.
What Erik finds out during his stay at the Xavier Mansion is very contradictory to his own beliefs about the telepath.
Good Little Boys by Alex_Sage
Charles mind is shattered. Erik and Raven must wade into the darkest corners of his mind to piece him back together. Will any of them be the same when this is over?
Lightning in a Metal Conductor by cytheriafalas
Erik thinks something is wrong with Charles and he goes to find out what it is. Non-graphic, but still potentially triggering, mentions of child abuse.
As the Shell Cracks by Quietbang
Sometimes, he could be okay.
The Primal, Eldest Curse by flowermasters
Erik has Herr Doktor and the coin; Charles has Cain and the memories.
Childhood by ximeria
Charles grew up in a big house with a wealthy family, his childhood was by no means a bed of roses.
Sham by OffTheRocks
As they settle in Westchester, Erik finds out something disturbing about Charles' history in that house.
Charles is a clever child who wants to be a grown-up. Harry simply offers to teach him.
Let the Swing Complete Itself by Anonymous
Charles didn't want to settle for never.
misaligned (the divergence remix) by homosociality
Charles Xavier, 16, is in the future now, and he's determined to seduce his older self's lover. It... doesn't go quite as he suspects it will.
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The songs of Young Royals - S1 E1
So after a few re-watch I started noticing how well the songs are used in the show and I wanted to chat a little bit about it ^^ (Because I'm usually watching alone with my cat and he doesn't really care about my opinions on how awesome the show is at picking its songs :p So hopefully people here will be more interested!!)
Bad, Farveblind
I think it's wrong I think it's bad I think it's lame I think it's horrible The song starts when we see Wilhelm at the club where he gets in a fight and then we get the chorus through his earbuds in the car (note: I love it when a show put a music in the background that ends up being something a character is actually listening to in the scene!!). He just got out of a shitty situation which will have huge repercussions on his life and his mother is making decisions about his life without asking him: the show is not subtle about telling us how "wrong" and "bad" it is. And despite this lil' foreshadowing (the song plays before Minou tells Wille about his mother's decisions) and Wilhelm's strong opinion against them, it's still gonna happen. Going to a boarding school is "lame" (or so Wilhelm thinks) and the whole situation is "horrible". And yeah, it's gonna suck on a lot of points, but it's also gonna change his life...
Wannabee Ghetto, Fata Boom
... Keep up the front like it's your decision ... Look our best Covering up what we're missin It's literally what Wilhelm has to do now. His mother decided for him that he should change school and enroll at Hillerska, he is not happy about this plan but has to pretend he's okay with it. He just lied to the public that it was a decision he took part in. He is the prince, even if he's not (yet) the Crown Prince, and he has an image to maintain. An image that was damaged due to the video of the fight: someone is literally putting make up on him to "cover up" the marks of the fight so he can look his "best". And what is he missing? Well August will say it at least twice: he doesn't have the same drive as him or Erik. So he's missing the desire to be on top, to be king, to keep the status quo...
It takes a fool to remain sane, The Ark
... Wasn't life supposed to be more than this ... Let go off my hand and it will slip on the sand If you don't give me the chance To break down the walls of attitude I ask nothing of you, not even your gratitude 'Cause it takes a fool to remain sane ... Of becoming like the others Who become unhappy mothers And fathers of unhappy kids This song!! Such a great choice for their first song <3 Wilhelm being so incredibly unhappy and stuck because "being a prince is a privilege, not a punishment" but he wants more for his life. It is supposed to be "more than this", more than pressure and appearance. The song going on with the "unhappy mothers / unhappy kids" while we follow Erik and Wilhelm stiffly posing for pictures outside. How can Wilhelm not be scared? Is it the life that awaits him? Always keeping a nice front, not being himself?And why is that? 'Cause they've forgotten how to play But Erik and Wilhelm haven't forgotten yet!! Right after these lyrics we have a playful Erik who suggests they take off in the middle of the photo-shoot! And they do!! So there's hope for them!!
I see you, Nadia Tehran
Back to their bases Covering their faces Tones through the breeze yeah The power calls crises Round my crowd No cops allowed Interestingly the song starts with "you ain't welcome here, you don't look like us". This part is not in the show but works so well for Wilhelm starting at Hillerska. He's getting hazed by his peers "covering their faces" and being really rough with him (this hazing is so yucky, I struggle watching it every time ^^'), and he's welcome here because he's the prince, because he's supposed to be part of their world. But he's not gonna be like them. Do they know it already? "You don't look like us", and thanks god for that!! (And yup, "no cops allowed", right August? You can do whatever you want here without any consequences...)
Blah blah blah, Armin van Buuren
All we ever hear from you is blah blah blah So all we ever do is go ja ja ja And we don't even care about what they say The song plays while August is talking to Wilhelm about being among his peers and criticizing him for wanting to be "normal" at his previous school. I love that this song is playing because, yes, it's a good party song, but also, it's probably what everyone watching the show is thinking when August is being an insufferable prick like that! And Wilhelm too, who just usually goes "ja ja ja / yes yes yes" to what August tells him (until he stops and finally goes openly against him, but for now in the show, he just listens and nods). Erik told him he should listen and trust August, so he listens to him. But at this moment Simon appears, and suddenly Wilhelm "don't even care about what they say" because the cute boy he already has a big crush on just arrived. And August and his stupid speeches about rich people being above everyone else don't matter anymore.
#Young Royals#Young Royals analysis#Young Royals songs#Young Royals S1E1#prince Wilhelm#my analysis#song analysis#the music choice in this show is absolutely perfect#I love love love a good use of a song#and in YR it's song after song after song!!#I'm gonna do the whole show like that#episode by episode I think#it got quite long in the end ><#there were a lot of songs ^^"#all these things have probably been said already#so oops and sorry about that#^^'#but I wanted to shaaaaaare my lil' thoughts#(why can't the editing work properly ><)#(is it that hard to add color to the lyrics ><)
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Okay honestly? I'll just take you up on that offer because I'm obsessed with your edits in general, but if you ever feel like talking some more about that Wilhelm edit you did to the song Ribs by Lorde??? Would love that because that edit lives rent-free in my head! (no pressure though, I just like the idea of like... director's commentary or something for edits haha)
I HOPE EVERYONE IS READY FOR ME TO BE INSANELY DEEP ABOUT THIS EDIT OH MY GOD
preface: i talk ab why i chose each scene for the lyrics, then colouring/font, idk if this is the directors commentary you wanted but like this is how I think about all my edits
We're reeling through the midnight streets- initially, I actually wanted to start it on the this dream isn't feeling sweet line but it just didn't fit in instagrams 1-minute time frame ANYWAY This scene has always been the most painful to me. Wilhelm realises at this moment that he's truly, undeniably alone in his life. Everyone he trusts (or is supposed to trust) has left him, and he has nobody left to go to. He's alone, going through his own personal hell, finding out his only family cares more about public perception than him as a person. It's like the beginning of the worst spiral we see from Wilhelm. Its quite a literal scene-to-lyric moment, but also the we're part feels (to me) like him-as-well-as his public self. Crown Prince Wilhelm and Wille are such separate parts, and its all he has left.
And I've never felt more alone- The THERAPY SCENE! Specifically this is the I think it's better not knowing how it could feel scene, because that truly is the most heartbreaking viewpoint I've ever seen from a character. It was better not being in love because I couldn't miss it. He might be getting closer to the other boys in the secret society, as well as Felice, but he's not really breaking past the surface level with anyone. Not even Felice knows the depths of his pain, he keeps it all to himself. The loneliness crushes him, he wishes he didn't know how love felt. As far as he's concerned, he's never loving someone else again (true) and he's never going to be able to love Simon again (false). In this moment there's this feeling of emptiness. He has nothing he actually cares about, and he wishes that he never cared in the first place.
It feels so scary, getting old- He wasn't supposed to fill this role, giving a speech as the Crown Prince of Sweden about his brother's passing. Wilhelm's character (obviously) fundamentally switches after Erik's death. He used to be a lot sillier, more reckless and more willing to fight back against his parents. But now he's got every single eye on him, watching him. Put into an adult role at the age of sixteen, forced to carry the burden of spare his whole childhood, then suddenly forced to be the sole heir. Even if he had planned to maybe one day be the heir (which he didn't, judging by the he should be here instead of me comment) it wasn't supposed to happen until he was older and wiser. He stops acting like a kid because he can't be a kid anymore. The cuts between the frog/getting the frog/breaking the globe aimed to emphasise this. He's lost all connection to his brother, he's in a place he didn't expect to be until he was extremely old (if ever), and he's lost control of his own life.
We can talk it so good, we can make it so divine, we can talk it good how we wish it would be all the time- I wanted to frame Simon in this as a sort of healthy distraction for Wilhelm. He was the only person in his life who actually looked out for him and cared. They're happy and they're smiling, all the clips are intimate even if there's someone else there. It highlights how they care. It's good, it's divine. It's what kept him happy after the hardest thing in his life (so far). In this edit, he desperately wants it back because he knows how much it helped. It was the only bright thing he had. The cutting to Wilhelm alone in s2 after how we wish it would be all the time just aims to really enforce that he wished it was still like that, wishing for someone who truly cared and loved him. It's all yearning, pining, wishing things were better. Every single clip is a clip in which Wilhelm has been pining over Simon. There's an ache he expresses that was just so, so important to this edit.
This dream isn't feeling sweet- Lots of clips of Wilhelm trying to process things. He's been forced to change his entire life, after all being a prince is a privilege, not a punishment. The 'dream' of being royal crushes him, despite the fact he can't ever voice it. Walking down the halls of his castle, sitting in his private boarding school therapy session with an actual therapist, being driven home in a private car from the party where he was filmed fighting. These luxuries juxtaposed with his actual circumstances hurt. He can't complain because he's got it best in the country, but it isn't a system designed for him, it doesn't want to help him, it wants to make him conform. It isn't fair, but he can't say that.
We're reeling through the midnight streets- He's forcing himself to try and fit the mould while also being himself, and all it causes is pain. He's actively fighting against the institution he was raised in simply by existing. The panic attack from being perceived holding Simon's hand. Deleting his contact after his mother told him 'no more mistakes.' Trying to play nice at the dinner table even though his whole life was crumbling around him and the institution was failing everyone even though nobody believed him. The panic attack/anxiety vomit from Simon going public, against Wilhelm's institution, knowing that he might not be able to protect him. He's got no control in any of these scenes, its a desperate fight against himself. He's a publicity risk to his own family if he is true to himself, and he's a risk to himself if he isn't.
And I've never felt more alone- Desperately trying to comfort himself when nobody else can (or wants to) comfort him. After the fight at the party all his family cared about was the PR response. When August said that Simon would take the fall for the drugs, all he cared about was getting Alexander back. During the uniform tailoring, all Jan-Olof cared about was tradition and making Simon as background as he could. When Wilhelm gave up meditating to soothe his anxiety, he was upset at his inability to calm down, despite the fact he's never been given an opportunity to be calm. Nobody really knows about his mental health struggles, he just has to fight through them and desperately try to self-soothe. Nobody else will comfort him after all.
It feels so scary getting old- Each of these scenes show Wilhelm being viewed as his role instead of being viewed as a person. He clearly struggles with being viewed as just the Crown Prince of Sweden, especially since that was never supposed to be his role, so of course it hurts when he's viewed as just a pawn in the Royal Family. Especially from people he loves. Yes, it was undeniably hard when he first became the Crown Prince, and it absolutely would've crushed him to know that when he had a panic attack he couldn't be alone. But these scenes are interlaced with him being viewed as a political pawn by Simon and his mother. People he loves, people he trusts. He's just a public statement to his mother, and he's just a human representation of the Crown to Simon (in these scenes not in general ofc). He's never going to be able to be his own person again, because he's got a country to run when he grows up and a public image to form between now and then.
This dream isn't feeling sweet- The lyrics are now getting more compounding, it's louder and it's closer. He's fighting to be heard, he's being ripped off of his desk, he's forcing down a panic attack because he needs to be happy for Simon. His emotions aren't allowed, he can't feel anything negative so he won't feel anything at all. Nothing in his life feels good anymore, so he's fighting the losing battle to just try to break even. Nobody would dream of this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. He can't even voice that, though.
We're reeling through the midnight streets- Now he's reminiscing about when things were easier, but they weren't, really. Yes, the placard was there the night he first kissed Simon, but that was also the beginning of the horrific realisation he wasn't built for the world he is forced to live in. His mother says 'no more mistakes' and he already knows it means he has to leave Simon. When that doesn't work and it all falls out, he's left to try and clean his own image up by nailing the closet shut with every fibre of his being. His life wasn't better, he's grasping for anything to show him life will be okay again. Everything has crumbled and now he's got nothing, so he yearns for when he had something, even if it was just something to lose.
And I've never felt more alone- He is constantly left. Something that isn't brought up enough is how often he's just abandoned. He has no one to talk to, he's forced to work through his struggles alone because his existence is political and any sign of weakness being public could reflect badly on his family. He becomes the embodiment of the Prince he could never be. Walking to the lake and reminiscing about when he would be happy there. Being left alone by his brother, who didn't even reply to him asking to say hi to his mother and father, who he then never sees in person again. Then wearing his brother's jacket. He's alone, and all he does is pine for a time when he wasn't. All he wants to do is go back and do it all again, and he can't. But he also can't move forward, he doesn't want to, he doesn't know how.
It feels so scary- Only two scenes so I'll discuss 'em one by one: -At Erik's funeral, there's a more literal fear of getting old. I don't want to repeat myself more than I already have but obviously, that forced Wilhelm to grow up and be more mature, and act like a Crown Prince instead of just the Prince. More attention, less room for error. He's terrified of fucking it up, and there's nobody who can help him. -The breakup scene is more metaphorical. He has to grow up and figure out what he wants to do with his life, while also having to grow to understand what he actually has the ability to do with his life. He's not ready to do this because he wants things to be good and happy but it was ripped away from him. He can't just pretend everything is alright anymore, but the amount of maturing he needs to do seems impossible at this moment, especially knowing he was in love with a boy when he wasn't allowed to be. He tries to be both a Prince and Wilhelm and all it did was betray his boyfriend's trust.
getting old- Wilhelm shutting his computer and pressing his hands to his eyes. It's exhausting. He's exhausted. Constantly working to try and be who he's supposed to be as well as being himself and trying to navigate his emotions in a vulnerable state is just too much. He can't carry it all, so he just gives up for a moment. It all goes quiet, but not in a good way. When you're that overwhelmed, the lack of anything just leaves more room to spiral.
FONT CHOICES
Intro: literally my handwriting. I wanted this to feel personal and almost like a desperate written plea to go back to when it was good, and what's more personal than my own handwriting am I right!!!
First chorus loop: Magazine font, it's in pieces and it doesn't match. There's a sporadic chaos, like he's beginning to feel it but it isn't there yet. The text isn't fully opaque, it's in front of him. We're seeing it before he does in this context. Trying to reflect how the media knows things before he does, like his brothers death, the tape leaking, all that good stuff.
Second chorus loop: Big, Bold, Unavoidable! I rotobrushed Wilhelm in every scene so that the text could be intertwined with him. He can't escape the reality of his situation, he is getting crushed by these feelings. The song gets louder and more claustrophobic, the text is in the scenes with him. It haunts him, it's everywhere. When he closes the laptop and it all goes silent, its not relaxing, it just makes you anxious in a different way.
COLOURING
I actually chose the blues from the intro scene, mainly in the night sky bit of the frame. Also! All the happy Wilmon scenes have a higher saturation, though you can't tell because of how I did the colouring. It just results in them being a little bit brighter, because things were good then and I believe it should feel good then, too.
#ellieoughposting#ellieeditrambles#new tag for if anyone else asks me ab any of my edits#cannot stress enough ill write one of these for any edit you want#just ask#anyway#edit analysis#wilmon edit#no beta we die like erik#wilhelm x ribs#also idk how else to mention this but this edit was a vent edit#like yes i think this hard about vent edits i have autism i cant not think
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a Young Royals inspired Enid fic 💜
A/N: this is heavily inspired by the last episode of my favorite show, Young Royals. every character from that episode is still the same, except for Y/N and Enid, who replace Wilhelm and Simon for this. i hope you all enjoy, this was written a few months ago on a Google doc 💜.
she sat in the car, across from her dad and next to her mom. the King and Queen, and she was the princess. everyone was now leaving, or still saying goodbye to their friends.
she couldn’t believe Hillerska was closing, and it could be all her fault. but she didn’t do anything wrong, she confessed that it was her, kissing down Enid’s neck in that video. she told the truth. like what you’re supposed to do.
Kristina turned to her, red still surrounding her weak eyes. it was hard for Y/N to look at it, knowing her mother — the Queen was so weak now, partly because of her. her “scandal” with Enid… and her brother’s death. it all happened in a year, nothing could’ve prepared any of them for it.
“it was a rough year, wasn’t it?” her mom spoke, breaking out of her trance. all she could do was nod and look out the window, watching August jump and scream with Vincent and Nils. she bit her tongue.
a rough hand touched her shoulder, making her look back. her mother smiled softly as the edge of her fingers twirled through Y/N’s hair. “you’re going to be such an amazing Queen.” she spoke, and sorrow filled overcame Y/N. being Queen meant she would become someone that wasn’t herself. it meant she couldn’t be with Enid. her heart ached at the thought of it.
she couldn’t live- breathe without Enid.
she looked her mother right in the eye, her words almost getting caught in her throat. “what if i don’t want that?” she asked quietly, but sincerely. her father looked over at her, and now she was looking between the two of them. her mother sighed, “don’t do this right now-”
“i’m not trying to make you mad, mom.” she said back. “that’s the last thing i want. but… you have a hard time taking me seriously,” Kristina sucked a breath in and looked out of her window. “and i know its ’cause i’ve said it in frustration and was impulsive…” Y/N continued. “but you haven’t let me have an actual, honest conversation about this.”
Kristina nodded slightly. “i understand that you’re having doubts and mixed feelings.” she said, as if she was trying to brush it off once more. “it was the same for me. but… there must be a worse fate to be assigned than this one.” she says, looking back at her. Y/N narrowed her eyes, “that’s the problem. we were assigned this… we didn’t choose it. nobody has, and i see how it makes you feel.”
her mother then avoided eye contact by looking down, and her father only looked at her, emotionless. “i used to think Erik was happy, but i don’t think he was.”
“i understand that.. this thing with Enid has been life-changing for you-“ Y/N shook her head, “this isn’t about her. it’s not about Enid, Mom. it’s about this role. it’s always been this role that has been the problem. to me.”
“yeah.” Kristina says, barely audible.
“i know you think i’m gonna change my mind, but i won’t. i don’t want this.” Y/N turned to the window, gazing over at August. “if you believe in the monarchy…” she started, raising her finger. she then pointed at August through the window. “if you believe that it’s important to be born into the right family, that this is right… then that is your heir. not me.”
the King and Queen looked over at him, and she watched as her mother nodded once and looked down at her hands. slowly, her mother looked up at her. “and i understand that you’re disappointed… but it’s the truth.” she spoke honestly, her heart starting to race a little faster.
“can you open the doors?” she spoke to the driver, and seconds later the door opened. her eyes shifted between her mother and father, “i love you guys.” she said, before stepping out of the car, watching as the door slid back shut.
“let her go.” Kristina spoke when the driver turned around to face her with panicked eyes.
her eyes surfed the crowded yard of Hillerska. everyone was still saying goodbye to each other, and the graduates were all jumping around in the back of a truck with wine bottles spraying everywhere. her eyes stuck on August for a moment longer.
there was no sight of Enid. every direction her head turned, she couldn’t spot those green eyes anymore.
but then a familiar white car started to exit the school. Sara, Enid’s sister drove that car here today. Y/N remembers because she was hoping Enid was in that car with her when she saw it was Sara.
her legs moved faster than her thoughts and she began to run after the car. August caught her running past him, and his heart sank at the realization of what just happened, and what was about to happen to him.
Y/N ran down the road, faster than she ever thought she could run. this had to be some insane adrenaline rush that she would never experience again. “ENID!” she yelled, voice booming through the trees. “ENID!”
Enid’s head snapped up at the call of her name. it was muffled- but so loud. she turned around, eyes widening at the sight of Y/N running after the car. she turned back, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down the nervous ache growing in her stomach. “Sara.” she choked out, “stop the car!” Sara stepped on the breaks, her, Enid and Felice all being swung forward for a second at the sudden stop.
Felice looked into the mirror, “is that-”
Enid opened the door and walked out of the car, watching Y/N stop in her place and breath heavily. she was a bit of distance away, but Enid could still see her chest rising and falling at a fast pace. Y/N began walking towards Enid, and she met her in the middle.
“i don’t want to be Queen.” she spit out, tears lining her eyes. Enid’s eyes widened slightly. “i don’t want to be a princess. i want to be with you!” she cried, genuine desperation in her eyes. Enid could only stare at her, not knowing what to say. did she—
“i told my Mom.” Y/N said. there was another silent pause between them, and then a small smile curled through Y/N lips. “she’s fine with it.” Enid tried not to show her smile immediately. she shook her head slightly, “did- did you do it for my sake?”
Y/N then shook her head repeatedly, “no.” she smiled, “i did it for my own sake.”
they still stood there, Enid not knowing how to process any of this. “are you sure you’re over me?” Y/N asked hesitantly, afraid for Enid’s answer. Enid looked at her, no emotion on her face before her smile finally broke through her lips. “what the hell do you think?”
Y/N laughed and ran towards Enid, engulfing her in the tightest hug. Enid gripped Y/N’s school jacket, tears now pouring down her cheeks. her lips were parted open as she looked at Y/N with pure disbelief. Y/N’s eyes moved between both of Enid’s and then down to her lips. Enid desperately pulled their lips together, giving Y/N her all in this singular kiss.
every single weight was lifted off of Y/N’s shoulders in that moment. she was free. she was no longer the princess, and would no longer become the Queen to millions. she belonged to herself, and Enid now.
“i love you.” Y/N whispered breathlessly against her lips.
“i love you.” Enid whispered back.
whooping and cheers came from behind them, causing them to break apart from each other. Felice and Sara clapped loudly, laughing at their blushing faces. “are you coming or what?” Sara asked with a laugh. Y/N leaned her head against Enid’s, staring straight into those green eyes she fell in love with. “yeah?” Enid whispered, a hopeful smile on her face. she nodded and Enid beamed, taking her hand and dragging her towards the car. they split ways as Enid got in the seat behind passenger, and Y/N smiled at Sara as she sat in the seat behind the drivers side.
Sara started the car again and all of the windows rolled down. when she started to drive, Y/N let out a loud “WOOOOO!” into the air. Enid, Felice and Sara all copied, all of them bursting into laughter afterwards. Enid slid over the seats and Y/N welcomed her into her arms. she hung her head out the window, the fresh air breeze never feeling so good.
she’s never felt so good, so free.
Enid put a finger on Y/N’s chin and turned her head towards her, connecting their lips softly. their lips moved in sync perfectly, fitting together like puzzle pieces. they always knew it; that they belonged with each other. nothing could ever get in the way of that.
Y/N wasn’t sure what was to come next, but as long as Enid was with her, it would be okay. wherever they end up, she just wants to live happily and freely with her. no cameras, no secrets, nothing. just her and Enid.
#divider creds : cafekitsune#enid rhee#enid twd#twd enid#enid rhee x fem!reader#enid rhee x female reader#enid rhee x reader#enid twd x female reader#enid twd x reader#the walking dead#twd#the walking dead x reader#twd x reader#twd x fem!reader#the walking dead x fem!reader#the walking dead x female reader#twd x female reader#twd enid x reader#twd enid x fem!reader#twd enid x female reader
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The good folks at the Know Your Enemy podcast (Matthew Sitman and Sam Adler-Bell) did a recent episode w/ Erik Baker called “Bomb Power,” named after the 2010 book by Garry Wills, Bomb Power: The Modern Presidency and the National Security State.
As someone who spent the first half of his career doing guns-and-bombs security studies, I can’t believe I hadn’t heard of this book before listening to the podcast.
Upon Google-Scholar-ing Bomb Power, I discovered it had 166 citations—very, very modest for an author as well-known as Wills. And scanning through who’s been citing it, I see mostly historians (not international-relations or strategic studies scholars). So I suppose my ignorance about the book is normal within my field.
But their discussion on the episode triggered me in a few ways, leading me to ponder what happened to the conservatives who support peace—that used to be a thing.
A “Don’t Break Things” Conservative
Wills’s politics don’t map well onto our current context.
He had ties to William F. Buckley and the National Review crowd. And his prolific writing often went after liberals, especially Kennedy (though his book Nixon Agonistes was a masterclass and did not spare Nixon of his critical prose).
But Wills recognized that power had a tendency to corrupt. That America itself had been guilty of great evils whose consequences it never repaired. And that if a preference for limited government meant anything at all, it meant a commitment to limiting the power of the national security state—there was no military exemption from the “limited government” mantra.
When I was finishing my PhD at the Catholic University of America (I enrolled there having no idea about its very conservative reputation), I studied under and socialized with conservatives like Wills. They mostly hated the Bush administration, generally thought the Iraq War was insane, and were critical of what had become the imperial presidency. (Before you romanticize them too much, they also hosted Brett Kavanaugh and Newt Gingrich at various times, they largely believed in civilizational (as in clash of civilizations) politics, and some of them seemed to think race science had merit…)
These days, it’s fairly common for people to claim they’re progressive while actually being center-right economic liberals with limited tolerance for anything redistributive. Wills cut in the opposite direction. As the Know Your Enemy guys talk about in the episode, Wills at times took up policy positions that we would think of as progressive, but he identified as a conservative. Why?
Aside from personal affection for the label, I suspect this has to do with his Burkean “don’t break things” sensibility, as well as the sense that 1) the common good is achievable within the nation-state itself, 2) the Founding Fathers had something to teach us and/or were extraordinary, and 3) the Constitution is a holy-adjacent document.
I think that perspective is intellectually unsatisfying and a political dead end. But YMMV.
The important thing is that folks who believe that stuff are folks you can work with sometimes. And if you’re in mortal danger, they’re the kind of American who just might help you out. More importantly, if any part of the right is recruitable into an antifascist coalition, it’s the “don’t break things” conservatives.
An Endangered Species
You can still find conservatives like Wills out there in American society. I know of one or two pundits who would fit this category of principled, preservationist conservatism. And, funnily enough, there are a lot of these types in New Zealand (a country with every type of conservative).
But in Washington, this species of conservative doesn’t exist. Not a single Republican official can claim fidelity to the Willsian template. To a man—and they’re mostly men—the electoral GOP has repudiated everything meaningful in the “don’t break things” tradition.
Talking Like a Peacenik
The remarkable thing about Wills’s Bomb Power is how much it reads like a leftist critical text. It would go too far to call Wills a historical materialist, but his implicit philosophy is not incompatible with it.
His invocation of the national security state—a term with which any Un-Diplomatic reader is by now very familiar—originated with Marcus Raskin, a co-founder of the Institute for Policy Studies (the first progressive think tank in Washington). IPS was and remains an expressly antimilitarist presence in Washington, and one of the few institutions there that can claim ties to the peace progressives who constitute what I think are the grassroots of the Democratic Party.
Wills’s reference to permanent war and the economy that supports it owes to Seymour Melman, a left-aligned peace intellectual who popularized (and possibly coined) “permanent war economy” through a series of books and essays that deserve a much wider reading.
And Wills’s claim that nuclear weapons are fundamentally tools of despotism that have permanently disempowered democracy is a pretty common view on the left going back to George Orwell’s classic essay, “You and the Atom Bomb” (which I still teach!).
What all this suggests is that Wills was a conservative who read widely. You might even say he was open-minded.
As such, he made analytical use of the criticisms against the powerful rendered by people with whom he likely disagreed. And he did so, at least partly, in the name of peace. Good luck finding someone like that in the Republican Party today.
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Alright guys I’ve decided to split up my "review" of phantom italy into many posts because god knows I don’t have the patience to make one well thought out post. Also I use the term review loosely. I’ll be listing random remarks, not making a structured text, I m on vacation dammit hehe.
AUCTION/OVERTURE
Not much to say about the auction, the chandelier was quite nice but for me the real showstopper is the transition that takes place during the overture.
Since this is a smaller production the chandelier doesn’t get lifted above the audience, instead it simply ascends to the ceiling of the stage.
However they absolutely make up for it by taking advantage of the turning stage to offer a very cinematic looking transition where you get introduced to different characters while the overture plays.
I’m sure I’m forgetting someone but the managers, Joseph Buquet, Mme Giry and others all get a turn to walk on stage in slo-motion as if going about their daily life at the opera.
I actually found this much more entertaining than the usual simple « chandelier lifting » transition
HANNIBAL/THINK OF ME
I loved Carlotta in this production. She definitely stood out in comparison to other Carlotta’s I’ve seen.
Instead of simply being a whiny Diva you really get the feeling that this Carlotta cares about her position. Her theatrics simply seem like a conscious act to make people do what she wants.
However I will point out that she sometimes didn’t pronounce her lines very clearly, which is obviously not an issue if you are a phan who has memorized every word but I can imagine a first time audience member might have a hard time understanding certain things.
Earl was amazing as Andre but you guys already knew that hehe.
I’ve already seen someone talk about this but I did love the costuming for the rehearsal. Half of the actors had accessories thrown on over their normal suits which is definitely what most rehearsals usually look like in real life. The theatre kid inside of me relates hard.
Loved Amelia as Christine. They used the turning stage during think of me which I once again found to be a good way to add visual interest to a usually pretty basic scene.
MIRROR SCENE
🩷M e g💜G i r y💙
I was a very happy little bi.
Meg was absolutely in love with Christine and that is so valid for her. I think she might have been more obsessed with Christine than both Raoul and Erik combined.
We’re talking hand holding, never ending eye contact, hugs, also this meg is SO annoyed that her mom makes her go rehearse, all she wants to do is stare at Christine for 5 more minutes mom plsssss
*coughcough* anyway, back to the canonical romance.
I would love to be able to describe Christine’s reaction when Erik’s « INSOLENT BOY—» blasts in but I think I was too busy literally melting at the sound of Ramin’s voice to pay attention sorry.
Because of the limited sets the mirror Erik appears through is actually the one of top of Christine’s vanity.
It is a little funny to see Christine lift her skirts to scale her vanity but I actually quite liked the effect it gave overall. The elevated mirror not only gave Erik a little more height which looks very ethereal and intimidating but it also made it look like he was a sort of portrait coming to life and breaking out of painting into reality… I’m not great at explaining these things but just trust me it looked very gothic and cool hehe.
Just noticed I didn’t talk about Raoul at all… Raoul existed, the end. (The actor was actually really good, I’m not at all trying to throw shade at the him I just could not care less about Raoul if my life depended on it.)
AAA I’ll continue this soon hopefully, I have tons more to say about the rest of the show :DDD
#the phantom of the opera#phantom of the opera#erik phantom#poto#erik poto#erik destler#ramin karimloo#christine daae#erik the phantom#meg giry#christine x meg#phantom italy#poto italy#poto trieste
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March Book Reviews
Managed to read seven books this month! I'm still behind on my goal of reading 50 by the end of this year, but this is a big improvement over the last two months. Here's a quick break-down of what I read and what I thought about them.
E.J. Dionne, Jr: Why American's Hate Politics
I've had this book on my TBR for a while, and with this being an election year, it seemed like the right book to kick off the year. The writing was easy to follow and track, despite the large amount of facts, dates, and quotes it relied on. Essentially, it both confirmed my own reasons for not loving politics (it's more of a popularity contest than about actual values) and was (disappointingly/annoyingly/bemusingly) relevant to today's politics despite being written in 1992.
Jim Butcher: Storm Front
I picked up this book a while ago when I learned that "The Dresden Files" TV show was based on this book series. I liked the show, so I figured I would like the book. As it turns out, I did not. While the premise is interesting (magic exists and there are wizards and fancy councils that help keep it in check, very urban fantasy), the MC's first-person narrative is not. He has a very low-misogynistic attitude toward woman that is supposed to be accepted as okay because he's a "nice guy."
Lionnne Wheeler: Cool Papa Bell
I try to switch back and forth between non-fiction and fiction, and in an attempt to get more involved in the town I recently moved to, I've decided that every third book is going to be a library book. This was my first one. It's a very well written biography about James "Cool Papa" Bell, one of the longest playing semi-pro baseball players who never got to play in the major leagues due to Jim Crow laws. He (and several of his team mates) were later added to the Baseball Hall of Fame, but the majority of the book is a very subtly written commentary on the excuses made in the effort to hide our permeating racism during the rise of the Civil Rights Era.
Ernest Cline: Ready Player One
Absolutely loved this book. It was so easy to get through even for someone who's familiarity with video games is essentially nothing. I very much enjoyed the references to the '80s media, and multiple times found myself wanting to look up the music, TV Shows, and movies that were referenced (at least the ones I wasn't already aware of). Maybe my favorite little Easter Egg was the cameo appearance of Will Wheaton (who I have always enjoyed) as the unquestioned leader of the AU.
Erik Larson: The Devil in the White City
This is the second history book I've read from this author and his popularity is well earned. So easy to read and endlessly interesting, I have no regrets of the number of blind books of his I bought before ever actually reading them. This one is about the World's Fair that was held in Chicago at the end of the 1800s in honor of the US's Centennial. It was fascinating to see the trouble that came from it, from the physical struggles of building the fair to the politics that came into play, and also interesting to see how it paired neatly with the rise of H. H. Holmes, one of the most prolific US Serial Killers to this day.
Jeff Abbott: An Ambush of Widows
My rule for my library book choices is to just pick the first book in the fiction/non-fiction section and go from there. Limits the need to think about things too hard and will force me to read things I wouldn't otherwise read. This is definitely one of those books, and at least in this case, I would've been right not to be interested. This book attempts to be a mystery novel and a thriller, and fails at both. While there is a mystery, the eagerness to solve that mystery is quickly lost due to the attitude of the three MCs. The attempt at a thriller is thrown out with the unnecessary development of the "villain." It would've been a more affective novel with only the one MC (Kirsten), far less telling -- especially about things that really didn't need to be said until they became relevant -- and far more showing.
C. Vann Woodward: The Strange Career of Jim Crow
This is another book that has been on TBR for a while. It was such an old copy that unfortunately my reading of it actually destroyed it, so I will need to track down a new copy. Like the first book on this list, it did a good job of summarizing the rise and "fall" of Jim Crow laws. I was intrigued to learn that right after Emancipation, many of the citizens of the South did not have any problem (or at least had limited issues) with integrating with the former slaves. It was only when politics got too involved, that Jim Crow laws started to rise, and they began with disfranchisement essentially because the political parties couldn't play fair and the new black voters got tired of being "won" by the different parties more for their vote than for their actual needs. I can't say I am entirely surprised by this piece of history.
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https://www.empcontracting.ca & Erik M. Parti here I am working away trying to be nice on the internet and I have to be proud, although I am not perfect but today I am proud to know God, the most high God! He teaches me that number one he is way feakin better then me or the rest of you mankind so take a break this Christmas and thank God for your life by maybe giving fair rent to someone who doesn't make that much money! Don't rip off peoples wages like in shit whole countries, and if you are in a shit whole! Daaahhhhh ohh and Merry Christmas to all every where especially crap wholes with chaos and confusion - may you meet God from him manifesting love in your heart honesty and get rid of these God's that don't have any value like being able to make time and space and give free will to man! LIKE FREE WILL - CAN YOU IMAGINE SO MANY OF YOU CAN'T EVEN GIVE FAIR RENT OR WAGES LET ALONE FREE WILL LOL MERRY CHRISTMAS! NO BOMBS BOMBS ARE NOT ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND certainly NOT SUSTAINABLE INTELLIGENT - DON'T USE BOMBS IF YOU HAVE A PRIMITIVE LEADER THAT HAS A NASAL CONGESTION SO BAD HIS BRAIN IS SHRUNK TO THE SIZE OF A BASEBALL AND IS REALLY JUST HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO MOLD ! HE IN HIS RIGHT STATE CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT TO DESTROY GOOD LIVING BY RUINING THE ENVIRONMENT WE LIVE IN SO WHEN HE ACTS CRAZY AND SAYS, "LETS BLOW UP ISRAEL" OR "KILL HOMAS" REMEMBER HE IS STUPID BECAUSE OF HIS MENTAL HEALTH CONDITION AND SHOULD BE GIVEN SOME GOOD TEA AND A NICE DAY OR TWO OFF WORK AND STRESS AND MAYBE CHECK TO SEE IF THE PALACE SHOULD MAYBE GET RIPPED DOWN AND REPURPOSED AND TREATED WITH CHLORINE TO AVOID MOLD POISING! That is why I build homes using the Canadian Building Code because mold and little poisons that we think is nothing but a little dirt on the wall can actually cause wars and I truly believe is and are the reason for a lot of wars! Believe it or not mold poising is a from the toxic nature of mold eating, but it is really disintegrating material that it is embedded in thus the material has a chemical reaction and depending on the calculation of the chemical change and what specific molecule comes from the mold depends on how dangerous your living environment is! So the next time you have war, or there is gun fire maybe slow down that think really why that is occurring! Maybe some idiot just got listened to who is having a mental health break down who is being poisoned by ultra toxic poisoning and no one knows he isn't really a monster he is just high on poison! Where we find behavioral problems we always can find a significant poisonous contaminant in the living environment! So fighters stop and remember God over some guy who can't shut up in a crowd and thinks he must live out every stupid thing he must say in a crowd - and look, maybe the loose mouthed idiot just needs some rest and have the Blue tooth turned off or the wifi signal close to his home removed! Think about it! Cell phone is microwave radiation - and that is a poison to us we cook food in in Canada and the USA and any where else stupid enough to ruin the molecular quality of food! Imagine what cell phones are doing to people in the dry desert! Because of this scientific understanding I believe that people could actually be having a mental health break down in group numbers and not even know they aren't irritated at all at their neighbors they just need healthy good environment and living situations including good moist diet and fluids to replenish the bodies humidity level so that people can go to bed and sleep and all the heavy metals breathed in through out the day can flush - thus why we have people who don't sleep are often just dehydrated stress or not, mix that with wifi cell radiation in the home or church or synagogue and you find a lot of reasons why people can't act like primitive animals! Something is wrong, help them don't blow their heads off give them something to eat! Look at the thermos breaks in the home! Is there enough ventilation or to much moisture build up and a weird yellow film or dirt that seems to be sucked into the skin of paint or concrete of the walls? Many crazy people over the past of history who didn't do much for anyone or anything but get a whole bunch of people who couldn't just have the balls to say "Shut up" and "No" we aren't going to leave our family and endanger our self's to go take another from him and both get killed at a young age like a bunch of stupid f words! I am serious this is no joke! From sky scrapers to empty over priced office buildings in starving down town centers I see this all the time with a wholes! We have people sick and they are having problems with ego and anger and they feel like shit and cause problems and that is why! Right here listed here in! I encourage you! Instead of having another stupid cave man primitive war next time learn to say "shut up" "your sick int he head" or "that palace is to big and full of mold and you are crazy" to the next psychopathic idea from some idiot to go massacre a bunch of kids or invade a country! Just stupid! Any ways and even just when you or the wife and kids are fighting think of this lesson here in! Maybe you will be able to rekindle the relationship with that crazy old mother and law yet when you find out what really the problem is other then your cooking! The Canadian Building Code is designed to take as much poison out of the home as possible while not including things like radon, mold or asbestos and have other problems from chemical changes coming over time from material break down such that comes from oxygenating metals or changing electrodes in steal when we have galvanization or pressure treated wood sitting against polyurethane that is bad to have in Iraq or United Arab Eremites because the temperature of those climatic areas is so high the polyurethane becomes a toxic waste and gives off poisonous gases that cause all kind of health problems but until you learn from a master like me, Master Erik Parti you won't know because this information just doesn't jump out and say "Your the boss now stupid you know everything" no it hides and you get sick or worse kids in the building construction atmosphere are effected or some idiot talking to someone with a gun that is to uninformed to know that that person could be in a significant health situation causing him to be considerable stupid and mentally unwell or have breathing and other issues! for quality home packages call https://www.empcontracting.ca
#just say no#how poisons made napoleon crazy#stallen#hitler#natzi#jew#hesbola#humanitarian assistance#civilized earth#make piece#not war#say no to war
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I GOT TAGGED IN ONE OF THESE BEST DAY EVER!!!
okay so as my name implies my all time favs are sam and milo (ramble incoming)
where do i even begin with why i love them. i’ll start with milo cuz he’s the most recent husband. aside from the sexy accent and even sexier headcanons, i fucking LOVE a character with some attitude. men or women who just don’t take shit laying down and have a passion for not only others but themselves too! in a way i kinda admire his character lmao, which feels weird to say about someone fictional but anyways . he’s a god damn catch and he KNOWS it, but not to the point of being an arrogant/snobby sack of shit it’s just audhdkdhrk. confidence, sass and a strong sense of justice will draw me in easy.
on top of this the fandom seem to generally agree that this is a man of colour and that just adds a whole other layer of sexy like omg, i’m breaking into his house as we speak/hj. i’m a pretty big sweetheart kinnie too! in another life where i have the confidence to talk to someone i find hot instead of hiding myself away, i think we’d get along (i might be delulu gang)
and then samuel collins HSKFHSKSH
can you tell my dad sucks?
we’ll unpack that later, anyway!
sam, similarly to milo has the sass and sense of justice that i fucking eat up every time. his characters also very angsty, and i love deluding myself into thinking i can fix a tortured man (SHHH WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT UNPACKING MY DADDY ISSUES/lh/j). slowburns also absolutely slap for me, like spectacular, gimme 14 of em rn /ref. he’s so gentle with darlin too, the whole dynamic with him and darlin melts something in me guys idk i’m so smitten. he’s also pretty emotional intelligent/wise?? definitely the kinda guy i’d trust his takes on, he’s clearly dealt with a lot and way too quickly 💀
i kin this man and want him what a weird dichotomy. has erik tricked me into loving myself?
moving on again cuz i yap way too much
you know who i kin the most on that god damn channel? FUCKIN DARLIN 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️and goodness the idea that someone can see me, someone who’s been raised to think they are hard to love and will never truly fit in/belong with others, and love me just the way i am and want to grow with me??
chefs fucking kiss
bonus: their dynamic is actually pretty similar to me and my wife!
OKAY TIME TO TAG (i’m sorry gang this is so much)
@spuffyfit @bazpire @n0r @prince-damien-of-darkness @moonvalley94 @mokozroach
and aaaahybody else!
I thought it'd be cool to do a tag game!
Use this picrew > EHEHE
And under the picture say who's ur favorite character and why! I'll go first :>
My favorite character is William Solaire! Why? Daddy Issues because morally grey characters never get shown in the media and if they do it's never correctly. So to see one in an audio rp who is perfect to the T and follows my favorite troup '' Fear The Old Man In A Carrer Where Men Die Young In '' it was destined!
Tags~ @dawnofiight @achios @sunsickcrab @poedays @paythesmith
@moronkyne @ashertickler
u don't have to join if u don't want to! this is just for fun :>
#redacted asmr#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted fandom#shaw pack#redactedasmr#redacted darlin#redacted sam#redacted sweetheart#redacted milo#milo greer#sam collins#indi’s yap sessions#someone tell me to stfu
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About Me 13 | BTS, Taking a Break, and Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development
Special thank yous to the following!
@yuugehn! I so appreciated our discussion about so much of this! I originally was going to tag every line from our conversations lol, but for anyone reading this, please know that so much of this post, especially regarding observations about the Festa dinner, come from yuugehn’s gorgeous brain and heart!
@The Hornies! Over the 2 years we’ve gotten to know each other, we’ve talked about the themes discussed here. Thanks for being down to discuss these sorts of things with me and being so generous with your friendship.
I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while. It’s going to be a loooooong post. It has been in my drafts for months because I wanted to talk about BTS’s career trajectory and how it plays off of their identities as individuals, as well as a group, in Erik Erikson’s life stages. It’s also about observations I made about my own fan experience, especially related to their concerts in Las Vegas. I wasn’t sure when my thoughts would come together.
To borrow Jungkook’s words from the Festa dinner, “Today’s the day.”
It all clicked this week due in part to the people mentioned up top, as well as other dear friends, old and new. And this has actually become a very, very personal post.
Whenever I’m having big emotions, my overeducated ass likes to lean on psychology frameworks. I try not to over-intellectualize in a way that diminishes my feelings, but I do find that applying such frameworks helps me gain perspective about those feelings. It even helps me validate my feelings. When I can see how my feelings fit into some kind of core psychological principle, I start to sense that I’m not alone. I find comfort in the fact that people have felt what I’m feeling under similar circumstances, and enough of those people have felt those feelings that someone made a damn framework.
So if you’re still sorting through your feelings about the break, and you love psychology as much as I do, let’s peep into Erikson’s brain microscope for a little while to gain some of that perspective. And then, if you’re interested, I’ll share some personal thoughts about it all, ones that are challenging and a bit scary to share, but ultimately have led me to feel a new, refreshing, optimism about life!
OK, let’s start with the psych stuff!! 🤩
Erik Erikson was a developmental psychologist who drew upon Freud’s psychodynamic work to identify key stages to human life. He’s actually the first person to come up with the term identity crisis, and he labels each stage based on a certain crisis, or conflict, that people grapple with during that age. It’s this investigation that makes Erikson’s classic model of eight stages so relevant to what BTS and ARMY might be experiencing right now.
source: medium
I won’t go through all of the stages in depth, but here are some key things to know:
Though ages are roughly associated with each stage, you don’t necessarily have to go through these stages linearly or according to that timing
Stages can overlap
It is possible to “fail” a stage
If you “fail” a stage, you can still move on/through the other stages, which means you can also revisit stages as you grow
Here’s a quick infographic that summarizes the eight classic stages. We’ll be zooming into Adolescence, Young Adulthood, and Middle Adulthood, and how they’re all currently overlapping for the members of BTS!
Adolescence: Identity vs. Role Confusion (ages 12 to 18)
During this stage, our life events help us determine our identities. We do this by comparing and contrasting old experiences that we had when we were younger (i.e., what our loved ones taught us, showed us, instilled in us) with new experiences that we start to learn about at these ages (e.g., as we make deeper friendships outside of the home, and as we see more of the world). If we are successful, we come away with a strong sense of self; we know who we are, what we like, what we believe, etc. If we are unsuccessful, we come away from this stage perhaps thinking that we know these things, only to find out later that we go through an identity crisis, during which we are left questioning who we are.
Interesting things to note about this particular stage are that 1) Erikson believed that this stage can take a much longer time, especially in technologically advanced societies, because it takes us longer to adapt skills to navigate such a world, and 2) Erikson believed this stage is prolonged for people who are labeled geniuses in society.
If we take that to be true, it’s easy to see how the members went so long without a break, and thus now need that break to check back in with themselves. The ages seem to line up here. They started in their mid to late teens / early 20s; so much of their adolescence was defined for them, and it’s coming to a head now. They’ve been operating in one mode for so long, and they’ve led rigid lifestyles that have predefined so much of their identities — I mean, from the start, they were labeled as vocal line, rap line, dance line, etc., and it makes sense that they’re now questioning these things in order to expand and grow.
When people grapple with the central conflict of this life stage, there is a need for exploration, which is what the members hope to do now. They all need a way to test their identities to see what holds, and what doesn’t. What sticks. What they can add. What they can redefine. The members of BTS need this time for experimentation so as not to fall into identity crisis territory.
One comforting thing to see, though, is how the members are also leaning on the group identities that have crystallized to help them through that experimentation! Hobi plays an integral role here! Hobi’s role as the internal-facing leader helped him (and, thus, all of them) broach the topic of needing a break. Hobi was the first to question the group dynamic, with that story of him threatening to leave the group in the early days. He is also critical of the members when it comes to needing to slow down.
source: bffjeongguk
Compare that with the way Namjoon expressed the weight that he carried on his shoulders as the external-facing leader. His role has been focused on keeping them together as a unit; Namjoon is the peacemaker, the diplomat.
Hobi, though, shepherds the groups’ individuality. He is critical of them as individuals in order to help them each succeed on their own terms. And it makes sense that he’s the first to showcase his solo work, thus leading the way. The others have looked to Hobi in this way, too, like how Jimin has shown Hobi all of his solo work before the others. Namjoon said that he kept putting off the much-needed break; it’s almost as if Namjoon needed Hobi to tell him it was time, and as a result, they all are looking to Hobi to help them start their new chapters. A necessary changing of the guard of leadership in a way, perhaps, to help the group evolve.
Early Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation (ages 20-44)
During this stage, our life events help us determine our connections to others. It may seem like BTS have the intimacy thing down-pat, given their close bond. But, importantly, being too enmeshed with others can also lead to disconnection. Being in the group too long could lead to isolation from others in their lives, depriving them of any growth they may have made in forming their own identities. This is not a completely foreign concept to BTS, as people, as well as artists.
Think about Trivia: Seesaw. Yoongi’s message in that song is about the inability to leave a toxic relationship that has struck only the illusion of balance, and the protagonist in the song ultimately decides to get off and move on with their lives. Though the dynamics within BTS aren’t fraught with toxicity, the same challenge is still there; the members felt like they weren’t being genuine, and it’s time to do something about it.
A key marker of success in this stage is whether people can make certain sacrifices in order to preserve that intimacy. Arguably, the members of BTS need to make a certain kind of sacrifice of time and space in order to preserve the family that they’ve built together. Take that with the lesson from Trivia: Seesaw, and it’s easy to see why they’re so eager to try new things and spend time with other people.
But you’re also seeing them do that in a way that is familiar to them. They’re making their own music, but they’re sharing that music with each other before they release it into the world. Apparently, Taehyung is even doing an In the Soop spin-off. It’s a way to put that intimacy to the test in order to come out of this stage successfully. It’s clear that they trust that their unconditional love for each other will remain intact, and that’s a really comforting thing to see, as well as a healthy way to model growth.
source: bollywoodlife
Middle Adulthood: Generativity vs. Stagnation (45-64)
It makes sense that as we start to move into the “old man” stage that Min “I Speak 3 Languages, Play A Million Instruments, and Do Pilates Now” Y🍑🍑ngi’s schedule comes into play! It’s amazing! And, interestingly enough, it’s a nice example of how one may address the core conflict in this stage!
During this stage, our life events help us identify our impact on others and the world. When we are successful, we feel proud and accomplished. When we are unsuccessful, we feel dissatisfied and stale. Much of what comes up in this stage is discussed in a familial setting, and it just so happens to work well here, as BTS even shared that they feel more like family.
Now, we’ve established that stages can overlap, that they’re not necessarily linear, and that geniuses often spend much longer in the Identity vs. Role Confusion stage. Given the universal scope of their influence and achievement, and understanding their words in that context, I don’t think it would be outlandish to assume that there is a bit of an acceleration to the Generativity vs. Stagnation stage. And they each give examples of how they are experiencing this conflict through the central tasks associated with this stage.
One particular central task of this stage is to create a home. Because their house contract (lease?) is up, they’ve settled into their own places, separate from each other. Seems like they’ve got this one set, but it’s worth it to celebrate that they each get to incorporate their own voices in the way that they decorate and set up their new places, with as many mattresses aas Jungkook wants to have and saw in half lol.
When it comes to the other tasks, let’s break it down by member.
Namjoon. One task of this stage is relinquishing past roles. Here we go with Namjoon… Oooof, I feel for Namjoon. I wish I could tell him that I’ve been there, very recently. I’ve shared before that Namjoon is extremely focused on legacy. So it makes sense that he’s hitting on two central tasks: relinquishing a central role in the lives of grown children, and being proud of one’s accomplishments. If he is the external leader of BTS, then the rest of the group can be perceived as his “children”, or “followers”, to a certain extent.
It’s clear that relinquishing this role is particularly tough for him, given what he shared, and how emotional he was when he shared it. Similarly, Namjoon seems to be battling stagnation pretty hard when it comes to his identity as a leader and creator. He voiced feeling lost, as any leader without anyone to lead would feel, and this has crossed over into his difficulty writing new music. I think that’s why he’s so interested in art — he’s lost his own voice, and he’s looking to other artists in other media to help him express himself. I’m thinking about how he felt after seeing that Rothko piece. He’s wanting to feel again, and he mentioned needing new life experiences, new stimuli, to have something to say.
And he’s scared about what happens if he doesn’t get that. He’s scared about what will happen, and whether he will disappoint people, on top of already feeling he’s disappointed ARMY and his fellow members. He has a hard time feeling pride in his accomplishments because he was feeling so disingenuous when working toward them. It makes sense that he would want to revisit that now and get back to a place of generativity, to impact the world in a way that is positive and healthy. To do that, he recognizes that he needs new experiences, and that is a commendable thing to state while being in the position he’s in now.
Jin. Some crises in this stage include adjusting to the physical changes of older age, a sense of regret for unfulfilled goals, a desire to spend time alone, and a desire to feel young again. Jin’s physicality certainly seems to be relevant here; he was recently injured, and we’re all thinking about his age and perhaps his oncoming military duties, which will have an impact on what comes next. He talked during the dinner about how he doesn’t necessarily regret not acting, but that means that he had to think about it, process that he hadn’t become an actor like he thought he would or might like to be, though he certainly still has time to do so. That’s also a part of life — realizing that you do have more time than you think you do in many ways, something that I’m also learning. The desire to spend time alone and to feel young again seems to surface when Jin was talking about shutting himself away and playing games for days straight, bur Erikson also points out that people often come back from these behaviors feeling unfulfilled. So though I don’t know if Jin is necessarily experiencing a quarter/mid-life crisis (I mean, how much do we really know about what they’re experiencing), these kinds of behaviors are often seen in this stage.
Yoongi. This stage also brings about homemaking, reexamining our behaviors, using leisure time creatively, and passing on our lessons to those younger than us, whether through family or instruction. So it makes sense that Yoongi seems to be thriving in this space of generativity. He’s making his house into a home, picking up healthy life behaviors, feeling inspired to use his leisure time creatively, and passing on wisdom and information to the next generation (young songwriters). In fact, let’s compare and contrast the “young songwriters” thing; Yoongi found joy in being able to share advice with them (generativity), whereas Namjoon felt slighted that no one was coming to him (stagnation). It’s almost as if Namjoon’s role as a leader forced his own adolescence / identity development to be that much more stunted — or maybe also his own genius getting in the way! Meaningful work is also a huge part of the generativity vs. stagnation stage — people who find meaning in their work find it through contact with others, opportunities for growth and maturity in their craft, and a level of independence as they explore. Yoongi is getting exactly this, which maybe explains why he was so happy during the dinner, save for having empathy for the other members when they were expressing their fears. All of this helps to explain Yoongi’s glow-up. And it seems consequential that this is the “old man” stage lol.
Hobi. I talked about Hobi up at the top, so this section will be short. Hobi is leading the charge when it comes to helping growing and grown children to be responsible adults. Again, Hobi is the first to debut his solo work, and he’s performing at Hobipalooza — I mean, Lollapalooza, lol. But he also needed to help the others to see that they are ready to do it, too.
Jimin. Obviously, interpersonal relationships are key in this stage; those that are solid hopefully continue to grow, and those that aren’t start to fall away. During this stage, love matures past more shallow definitions, or purely sexual definitions. ARMY talks about Jimin being pure love, and that’s something that I thought about a lot when writing him in Bear with Me (i.e., a discussion about whether there is such a difference between platonic vs. romantic or other types of love). He’s done so much to stay true to himself and express that love in a way that is visible. He hugs, he smiles, he asks people to tell him that they love him, but he doesn’t just want it for surface reasons. He really means it, and he needs people to mean it when they say it back. I think this also makes him vulnerable to enmeshment, where he starts to lose himself in that love. And that’s why I think the solo chapter seems to be hard for him to stomach:
Taehyung. When it comes to Taehyung and Jungkook, I see a mix of all of this as they play out in identity, which is something I think Taehyung is experimenting with, and maturity, which is something Jungkook is developing.
I think I have less to say about Taehyung because he’s so open about his experimentation, and that’s really all there is to it. He’s experimenting with change, trying on new identities, new hobbies, new friends. Though he is an introvert, he seems to be the most outwardly social with other idols and celebrities, and his feeds are all about him trying on new clothes and looks, or having new experiences out in the world. Seeking out this type of change is typical at this stage of life as well, and with Taehyung’s openness to experimentation, it’s cool to see this particular habit surface at a time when he has unlimited resources and opportunities.
Jungkook. Interestingly, or maybe even unsurprisingly (he is the golden maknae, after all), Jungkook is the one who is developing a certain level of maturity. He seems to be stepping into a balance of all things, just like how the guys say that Jungkook is a mix of all of his hyungs — especially all the best parts of them. Namjoon pointed out that he rambled on and on about what he was feeling, and Jungkook was so concise and well-spoken, but Jungkook also benefitted from the hyungs sharing their thoughts first as he essentially summarized them. With their wisdom, he is taking on all of the tasks mentioned, and he’s figuring out his own take on them. And that’s why he seems like he’s so mature.
Like Namjoon and Hobi, he’s in one way relinquishing control and being forced to trust what the future will bring, while also developing his own abilities as a leader / caretaker — like adopting Bam! He’s creating his own space, his own home, his own sound, the way that he wants, and I think that his confidence is shored up by Yoongi’s, as he so determinedly said that he will release his music after Yoongi does. They’ve talked about his capacity to love being bigger than they initially realized, but compared to Jimin, he seems to have a layer of separation; Jungkook’s not afraid to emote, but he still seems more confident in making his own choices. And like Taehyung, he’s experimenting with his identity. But, in comparison to Jin, he’s also lucky to be going through these changes at a time where his physical state can weather them, so it’ll be interesting to see how that may change as he gets older and faces these questions about identity again. Along with Yoongi, he seems so ready to take on this next chapter.
Final Thoughts on the Break, and More on BTS and Psychology (aka Cheryl Actually Gets Personal for Once)
It’s so interesting to see how I think it’s super interesting that I planned my BTS Case Conceptualization project and only wrote Namjoon so far. He’s the external leader, and the one who is so focused on keeping them together. I think it’ll be interesting to write the rest of the members’ case conceptualizations now, knowing that their solo work is right around the corner. Might bring some new light to what I have in store for those pieces, kind of like another experimentation period.
Speaking of experimentation, and feelings…
Some of you may have noticed that I am experimenting with tons of little projects, as well as the structure and content of my fics. Also, so many of you have shared how you’ve been feeling with me, and you’ve asked me how I’ve felt about all of this news, too. Even with all this psychology talk, I’m the kind of person who feels things first, doesn’t really know what to do with those feelings, and only understands them muuuuuuch later.
When I got to see BTS in Las Vegas, I felt odd. I didn’t quite know what it was. I felt frozen, in a way. So I kind of had to let it thaw before I could express it. I think I’m starting to understand what I was feeling. Even before then, I had been telling Roomie / @mochilatae that the guys felt so far away. (Here, I have to say, dear Roomie, thank you for the amazing chat. You know. Even without me having to use the words, because they would fail.) And I still felt that in Las Vegas, when I was literally watching them in concert, and arguably within the closest physical proximity that I will ever be to them. It came to a head that night, I think. I was feeling what Namjoon talked about, this sense of exhaustion, or maybe even disingenuousness. The fabulous Shenee from GAF, as well as other ARMY, have been talking about this shift, and I could see what they were talking about, though I hadn’t associated it with my own feelings. Now, my freeze is making sense.
See, when it comes to other people’s feelings, I tend to be a sponge; I take on what others are experiencing, and I have a hard time separating what I’m truly feeling from what I feel others are feeling. It’s why I didn’t become a therapist. I love psychology, but my love lies in the theory of it. The meaning-seeking, but not necessarily the application. When it comes to the practical matter of helping others, I just couldn’t serve as a container for other people’s emotions. I was taking my work home with me, and I couldn’t do the job. I couldn’t keep my own boundaries well enough to provide that for others. I still can’t. That’s why I’m very, very selective with who I share my real feelings with. And I’m glad that I recognized that before I decided to really pursue my clinical license, because I would have burned out fast.
Because of that, and because of other personal experiences, I definitely have a hard time being vulnerable, especially when I have failed to maintain boundaries, and when people have continuously overstepped the boundaries that I have tried to keep in place.
If you’ve read my fics, you know I have no issues being completely vulnerable in my writing. I love getting to talk about all of these feelings and life themes with you! I love the asks, the posts, the discussions, so please keep them coming!
But I do recognize that when it comes to the fics, I’m using my characters to speak for me. In fact, if you search my “about me” content here, you’ll find that I really have no truly personal posts here. This is arguably the first real “about me” type of post. I like sharing my thoughts, but I still need to find a good balance when it comes to sharing my emotions or the meanings behind them. It’s why I love to write; I really love using characters to play out the scenarios I’ve experienced for me to understand what the truth is beneath them. It helps.
So, take everything that has been going on regarding the break, Namjoon’s fear of sharing that he was exhausted or not living up to people’s standards, the group’s fear of losing ARMY as they take this time to start their next chapter, all the things that the guys have shared, and add this dream that I had last night.
I don’t really do deep dream analysis from a psychodynamic perspective; I am firmly a CBT gal through and through, and after studying memory from a cognitive neuroscience perspective, I follow the perspectives in the field that view dreaming as an information encoding process. Most of the time, I consider my dreams to be like little movies, or episodes of a show. But, like with movies or episodes, I do think dreams can mean things, especially if we feel compelled to assign them meaning.
In my dream last night, I was sleeping, and I woke up in my house (but it wasn’t my actual house) and found all this furniture that I had ordered scattered about the room. Chairs, mattresses, tables, knickknacks. I wasn’t expecting any of it to be there. I got out of bed and found the guys in the living room, where there was even more new furniture laying about, and chatted with them, at some point asking, “Hey, so, when did all of this get delivered and assembled?”
And the guys, except Jungkook (he was around 19-20 yo in the dream), all voiced at the same time that Jungkook was the one who unpacked and assembled everything (lol very Run BTS interior decorating episode). When I looked at him in surprise and gratitude, he just kinda sweetly smiled and shrugged. And I woke up feeling so comforted and taken care of, absolutely amazed that Jungkook would go to the trouble of doing that for me.
Where did this dream come from? Well, cognitive neuroscience me pointed out that I just wrote Blackout because I needed some kind of comfort but wasn’t exactly sure why (and what timing lol). I watched Just One Day and For You before I slept last night. I have been thinking about getting new furniture and reorganizing my room. And I had been thinking about Festa and Jungkook’s 7 mattresses! 🤣
But I also know that I’ve been examining my own need for depth in my personal connections. I have lived my life in a way that has kept me from being truly vulnerable with others, for an amalgam of reasons. Part protection. Part fear. It has served me very well. But it also keeps me from experiencing a certain closeness with people. This is me in Erikson’s Intimacy vs. Isolation stage. While I still think I need to enforce certain boundaries, I think I’m hungry to let a select few in. It’s just a matter of finding the right people to let in, and, happily, I think I’m starting to find them, thanks in part to BTS and ARMY. I need to do more soul-searching, to continue figuring out my own feelings, figure out my voice, figure out what makes me happy. To not be a sponge, and to be my own container. To try new things without being so invested in them that I lose myself in the process.
I’ve so appreciated seeing the discussion around the break. (And if you’re interested in more BTS / psychology takes, here’s the series I’m working on right now!) But I hope this long-ass post, all of this together — Erikson’s life stages, BTS’s examples, and my own personal observations — helps express why I happen to think this break is a good thing. A natural thing. And a necessary thing.
BTS’s break just so happens to coincide with me needing a break from my old patterns as well. So, I’m excited to see what is in store for them next, but more importantly, I’m thrilled to see what this prompts for ARMY — how we continue to grow as people, and how BTS has impacted us / will continue to impact us along the way. 💜
Sources used in this article:
Early and middle adulthood (Boundless Psychology)
Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development (VeryWellMind)
Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development (Wikipedia overview)
Orenstein, G. A. & Lewis, L. (2021). Eriksons stages of psychosocial development. StatPearls.
#bts#bangtan sonyeondan#bts psychology#about me#how i write#personal#bts festa#bts festa 2022#erikson#erik erikson#thanks for reading!#let me know what you think!
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Because I know I have some people following me who've only listened to the musical and haven't read it, I wanted to share some fun tidbits of the book of Phantom of the Auditorium that I like or just want to mention!
- Brooke has chestnut brown hair and Zeke has blonde hair. I only mention this because most official artwork for the musical and even the TV show depicts Brooke as blonde.
- Zeke wears Kermit the Frog pyjamas and gets really red when Brooke tells people this.
- Some girls think Zeke is cute, but Brooke never thought of him that way.
- Brooke once let a gebril loose in the teacher's lounge.
- Brooke and Zeke met when they were 3 because their mom's are in the same bowling league and discovered they lived on the same street with Zeke living only a few houses down from Brooke.
- Brooke has a younger brother named Jeremy whom she likes to scare on occasion.
- Zeke has an older brother named Rich who drives Zeke and Brooke around when he isn't grounded (he's always grounded).
- Zeke has a dog named Buster who is super sus of Brian because animals in the gb universe (usually dogs) can tell when someone is a ghost.
- Brooke's mother is always scared she'll get run over by a bus. Brooke doesn't know why. She doesn't even know anyone who got run over by a bus.
- Brooke changes her mind constantly, Zeke says it drives him crazy.
- Tina is a grade above the trio.
- Brooke doesn't know why Tina doesn't like her, they hardly know each other.
- While Tina is Brooke's understudy, Zeke's understudy is a boy named Robert Hernandez. Brooke describes him as way too serious and nowhere near as fun as Zeke. He doesn't get her jokes and doesn't like to joke around.
- Esmeralda's father is played by a boy named Corey Sklar, who has the same haircolor as Brooke and also wears glasses.
- Brooke can't think of mean or nasty stuff to say even when she tries because she just isn't a mean or nasty person.
- Zeke, Brooke and Brian actually break into the school at night twice. The first time they discover the backdrop Brian worked so hard on is ruined. The second is when they go down the trapdoor again.
- Brooke has horrible stage fright that leads to panic-inducing nightmares that she overcomes by the time of the actual performance.
- Brooke has bad allergies and is allergic to nearly everything. Zeke made a game out of it to count how many times she sneezes. However, her allergies and sneeze attacks is what leads Emile to find out they're in the tunnels.
- Speaking of Emile, he has a huge, deep, purple scar across his eye.
- The trio believes they're locked in when they're in Emile's hideout at first, but then realize they were just pushing a pull door.
- Brian wears sweatpants and a red flannel that's too big.
- Brian never unmasks himself to Brooke in the book, instead, he leaves a yearbook of 1920 in her locker which he leaves open.
- That part is important as it's established at the beginning of the book that her locker's lock always jams, meaning it can't be left open on accident.
- Zeke is the only person allowed to call Brooke "Brookie".
- Zeke does his math homework in the classroom before class starts.
- Zeke's dad is the mayor of Woods Mill.
- Esmeralda is in almost every scene of the show, which doesn't help Brooke's stage fright at all.
- While his name Raoul in the musical in reference to the name of the "boyfriend" character of Phantom of the Opera, Esmeralda's boyfriend is named Eric in the book as a reference to the Opera Ghost's real name "Erik"
- Zeke has freckles that he hates, but Brooke says they're barely visible.
- Brooke hates her glasses, openly stating that she wished they would disappear. She says they make her look nerdy.
- Brooke can flip her eyelids up so that they stay that way, a really gross talent that makes people scream and gag that Zeke isn't phased by anymore.
- During the scene where the Phantom first appears on stage and scares Brooke, the only reason Brooke starts to seriously freak out in the first place is because she notices Zeke waving at her from further away backstage, meaning the person shaking her in the Phantom attire isn't Zeke. When she calls for help, she is just told that her line is different from what she's saying.
- Tina is exclusively nice to Brian and Brian only.
- According to Brooke's narration, the play didn't get weird until the end of the first act, when the Phantom first appears. Since Brian vanished after that scene, it implies that there is a second act we never got to see in which Zeke continued to play the Phantom.
- In the book, Brooke rips the mask off the Phantom while they're still on stage, leading Brian to cover his face and tumble backwards into the trapdoor, screaming on the way down as he died all over again for good this time.
- Brooke is absolutely not okay after that.
- Like, not at all.
- Brooke and Zeke go look for him in the tunnels to no avail.
- There's a cast party we never get to see because the story stops before we get there.
#goosebumps#goosebumps the musical#goosebumps phantom of the auditorium#phantom of the auditorium#listen#i just really love this book#i've read it cover to cover a LOT#I'm sure there's stuff I forgot to mention#there's a scene where Zeke runs away crying angrily after the paintbucket incident and Brooke calls after him#asking if he's not gonna walk her home#and he turns around and yells ''no!'' and Brooke is kind of glad because she honestly didn't know what she could've said to him#AND HONESTLY#god#someone give Zeke a hug PLEASE#Brooke too#they go through sO MUCH#they're so DEVISTATED#the tense scenes are written really really well and feel so real#Brooke growing hissy when she scared and Zeke covering his fear with jokes is honestly just so good#LIKE#THEY FEEL LIKE PEOPLE#I LOVE THE WAY THIS BOOK IS WRITTEN SO MUCH
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kind of an odd request — do you have fics where erik is grumpy with everyone else but a ray of sunshine with charles?
Hi anon, thank you for the ask. First and foremost, I'm so sorry for how long this took me but I've been searching for all the fics that come to mind that fit your request. Second, this is not an odd request because I love this trope so much. I mean, it's basically canon that he's grumpy with everyone except for his Charles, right? Anyway, I might add to this list later on, but I can't sit on this any longer and hope that you have found some fics that you enjoy!!
Fic Recs Where Erik is grumpy with everyone but a ray of sunshine with Charles
Twice as Blind – Darksknight
Summary: Erik is probably the biggest asshole on the face of the earth, and because of this, he'll probably die alone. Charles is a complete flirt and playboy and, probably, will never commit to anyone ever.
(The lesson here is that when you have two friends who are BOTH secretly seeing someone, well, it's probable that they're seeing each other.)
In the moonlight, on a joy ride – scarlettblush
Summary: Librarian AU. Charles is the young librarian and Erik is the college student who is completely besotted with him.
The Proper Care of Actors – Clear_Liqueur, Clocks, Etherei, afrocurl
Summary: Erik is an A-list action star who is notoriously difficult to work with, until the day he gets cast alongside Charles Xavier, rom-com darling who can charm the pants off movie audiences the world over and apparently even one Erik Lehnsherr. The paparazzi catch them out and about soon enough, and their real-life Hollywood movie romance becomes instant tabloid fodder.
Rumor Mill – ikeracity
Summary: Erik is the grumpiest, most foul tempered worker at Stark industries. His grumpiness is the stuff of legends.
So it's obviously the talk of the office when Erik is being made to go to the company party and he's bringing his husband. There's rumors flying round about how much of a masochist or equally antisocial bastard Erik's husband must be to put up with him. Others think he must be a meek mouse perhaps bullied by Erik.
What they weren't expecting was the confident, charming, adorable and unbelievably nice Charles that turns up on Erik's arm. What they certainly weren't expecting was how much Erik obviously adores his husband and how happy he is to let others see this.
Work/Life Balance – pocky_slash
Summary: Alex is pretty sure his weird, anti-social boss is a robot. Right up until the guy's adorable husband shows up. His adorable husband who happens to be a famous actor. His adorable husband who happens to be the very same famous actor who was the source of many of Alex's teenage fantasies.
Terrifying Domesticity – ishipitsobad
Summary: Erik is the most dangerous and notorious mafia boss around for miles, and yet the strangest things terrify him.
For example: his children, and his very pregnant mate.
Of kittens and teacups and love – Ren
Summary: Modern AU in which Charles and Erik are flatmates. Charles studies psychology and likes tea and chess and keeps bringing home stray kittens, and Erik lets him because he's maybe perhaps a little bit sort of in love with him.
Fools Rush In – LoveSupreme
Summary: Erik owns a cafe on the edge of campus and accidentally starts maybe-stalking a Biology Professor there.
Growing Pains – ikeracity
Summary: Twelve-year-old Erik Lehnsherr is an angry, closed-off foster kid with trust issues and a bad temper. Ten-year-old Charles Xavier is a lonely kid in boarding school who just wants a friend.
Logan pretends he doesn't think they're both fucking adorable.
Series
Home Together (The Finding Our Way Remix) – significantowl
Summary: Erik is not the sort of person other students strike up conversations with. His expression, his posture, every part of his manner say: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you. But none of that stops the boy ahead of him in line with the collapsible white cane, and nothing can stop Erik from falling for him, like it or not.
Melted Ice Cream and Macaroni Art – pocky_slash
Summary: Everybody likes Charles. Nobody likes Erik. And that's really the source of Erik's doubts. Also, there's ice cream and a baby. Part of ‘the Daycare’ verse.
Walling in or Walling Out – stlkrchck
Summary: Erik stifles a sigh. Of course this is Mr. C. F. Xavier. Of course.
For the prompt: Charles and Raven are throwing a holiday party. Erik is the grumpy neighbor who is annoyed by how loud they are being. So he goes to complain, and Charles makes it up to him.
(Wise Men Say) Only Fools Rush In – wildelybroken
Summary: After reading a fic where Erik and Charles are super sluts, meet at what is presumably Raven and Emma's engagement party, and end up sleeping together, I made the following comment and just inspired myself.
"They start casually texting each other throughout the day, maybe while they’re bored or frustrated at work, and start out meeting up and sleeping together semi-frequently. And eventually they accidentally start dating without noticing it at first, not until Raven and Emma get them alone and are like “wtf you two super sluts are actually dating??” And at first they deny, but then they’re both like “holy shit, we are!” And they meet back at one of their places and they don’t have to say anything, they just look at each other and come together immediately, kissing passionately and ~making love~. In the middle of it they realise that’s what they’ve been doing for a long time now and they confess their love to each other and they live happily ever after because they deserve all the good in the world."
For Charles – Shigai
Summary: Tired of being told he has to find his 'heart', classical piano graduate Erik Lehnsherr decides to travel to Italy and drink from the famous Italian passion for music. While searching for it, he meets Charles Xavier, a graduate in Fine Arts who is basically travelling around the world perfectioning his technique, and who will turn his world upside down.
Together they will discover that, sometimes, what you thought you didn't need is what you needed the most.
Erik Hates People – Anonymous
Summary: Erik hates people- it's his rule, a way of living.
Sugar – humanitys_cutest
Summary: Erik glances at the clock for what feels like the tenth time in less than half the minutes. It feels like he's been in some meeting or other since the day started almost 10 hours ago, and he's had just about enough of listening to these pompous old men discuss what would be the best design for his building like they know anything about it. He tries as subtly as possible to massage his temples to assuage the building migraine, but he knows it's no use.
He just wants to go home.
Everyone Likes Charles – Rosawyn
Summary: '“Everyone who's met him likes him.” Cain's grin was even stupider than before. “Once you meet him, you'll see.”
It was almost like a challenge then. And damn. Erik hated saying no to a challenge.'
Still Going Strong – JackyJango
Summary: Speaking of forty-eight, Erik hates it. Hates it even more that others are aware of it. While he’s pragmatic enough to know and accept that aging is inexorable, the increase in number gives the people around him the freedom to pounce at him with questions, opinions and advice he'd fought to keep at bay all year.
Besides, Erik believes that youth is a state of mind, not a phase in one’s life.
You have a child’s mind in a man’s body, Charles constantly tells him.
But despite his age, Erik is healthy. He works out daily. His muscles are steel and he can dead-lift four hundred pounds. He can break bones without breaking a sweat. Most importantly, he can still carry Charles to the bedroom and fuck him senseless. And as long as Erik can do that, he’s perfectly happy.
All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed – hllfire
Summary: Charles meets Erik, the man he had heard about many times from his sister and some friends, on a rainy Sunday morning. The stories about Erik paint him as a distant and intimidating man, but Charles finds out that maybe the stories had been wrong.
How to Successfully Ruin Your Life – humanveil
Summary: Seventeen-year-old Charles Xavier accepts a job at his local café, expecting nothing more than a fun, new pastime. What he gets is a mysterious customer and a schoolboy crush.
Stolen – ishipitsobad
Summary: Erik is a miserable, grumpy, cantankerous bastard, and he has every fucking right to be. He drew the short end of the stick when he got the Underworld as his domain, and there isn't very much fun to be had in judging and governing dead souls who would rather be anywhere else but with Erik in the depths of Hell.
So when he meets Charles, brilliant and lovely Charles who is more popularly known amongst the mortals as Persephone, and feels the promise of something wonderful that could make his eternally doomed existence infinitely more bearable... you can bet all your drachmas Erik's not going to let Charles go any fucking time soon.
Erik Lehnsherr's Guide to Saving the Universe By Meeting Your Soul-Mate and Falling in Love in Less than 72 Hours – magneto, pangea
Summary:Army Pilot Erik Lehnsherr is just trying to enjoy his day off when a mostly naked person crashes through the roof of his car. Even more alarming, the strange falling naked person—who goes by Charles Xavier when he's not speaking an ancient dead language—brings tidings of the apparent potential end of the world, and begs Erik to help him put a stop to it.
Well. His mother has been nagging at him to go out and meet new people.
The Theory of Partnership Dynamics – Pangea
Summary: “Detective Lehnsherr, how wonderful to see you out on the job!” The fed in the front greets him as they draw nearer. He’s shorter than the other two by a full head, and he’s beaming at Lehnsherr as if completely undeterred by Lehnsherr’s paint-peeling scowl.
“What do the feds want?” Lehnsherr asks bluntly.
“You know I can’t tell you that,” the fed answers cheerfully. Then his gaze lands on Alex, and, impossibly, his grin gets even brighter. “Did you get a new partner?"
“No,” Lehnsherr says through his teeth while at the same time Alex says, “Yes.”
#fic recs#cherik fic recs#cherik#asks#earnestly answers#I'm sure there are waaaay more fics out there#might add more later
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Scandal Ch. 5 - Loki x Reader
Summary: Loki returns to claim what is his - willing to kill everyone in his way.
Warnings: Angst.
Words: ~1800
I Story Masterlist I General Masterlist I
Taglist: @catlover092402152, @hi-there-x, @haloangel391, @misssilencewritewell, @babayaga67, @accioremuslupinn, @mochimommy2002, @just-someone-who-likes-to-write, @damalseer, @bethanystan, @loser-alert, @star017, @nina1800, @queenariesofnarnia, @n1fangirlsblog, @vengefulsokovian, @lunamoonbby, @freyagallileaevans, @emmojoy, @literate-lamb, @aninnai, @justsomerandompersonintheworld
A/N: Sweet little Feedback Anon, I took your suggestion. You know which one I mean if you see it. (:
Btw guys I have like 60+ Drafts I need to finish so pls be patient with me.
Word sure spreads fast among the folk of Asgard, about Odin’s shame and your innocence.
Since his lies had weakened the favor among his subjects, the Allfather was desperate to clean his name and reputation, ultimatively inviting you to come back.
But you declined, stating that this wasn’t your homeland anymore ever since they betrayed you to fullfill their selfish ambitions.
However, Asgard’s hypocrisy wasn’t the only reason you chose to stay on Midgard - you just knew that it would break your heart every day you’d spend on a place with so many memories connected to your deceased husband.
Earthlings, the people of S.H.I.E.L.D and especially Thor’s friends Jane and Erik Selvic had basically become like family to you. Even though they could never fill the void Loki had left in your heart, things being like this was more than you could wish for.
“Lady Y/N!” a familiar voice greeted you, yet his worried tone startled you. Thor was already standing in your room, practically kicking in your door as he was visibly upset.
Immediately, you put Liam into his crib and rushed to his side. “What’s the matter?!”
A strange mix of horror and excitement was stretched across his face, making your heart sink to your stomach.
Actually, you didn’t want to involve yourself with the Asgardians any further. All you ever wanted was for your child to be healthy and happy, no matter where this was possible.
But Thor was still your cherished brother-in-law, as well as a wonderful uncle, never ceasing to provide for you and Liam, even when everyone else had forsaken you.
Yet what he was about to tell you let your blood run cold:
“Loki is back.”
Immediately, all the walls you had built up over those past months were crumbling as you collapsed to the floor, crying out of anger and relief.
“H-How? How is this even possible?! He’s dead! Loki died!”
“Pull yourself together, Lady Y/N!” Thor has always been a rather touchy-feely kind of person, in opposite to his raw and bulky appearance.
But right now, he wouldn’t dare to hug or console you, like he’d usually do. Instead, he was offering you a hand to help you get back up - which you wouldn’t be able to take just yet. “There’s no use in overthinking this! We need to hurry!”
“What do you even want me to do?” you wondered, because if your husband was really alive, you’d doubt him wanting to see you. “He’s changed...killed a lot of people before he disappeared. And still, I don’t wanna fight him. How can I be of any help at all?!?”
“We know he’s probably after you and the child” the God of Thunder stated coldly. “So you need to be transferred to a safe location.”
What can be more safe than a base of S.H.I.E.L.D? If only you knew he had already demolished a whole, giant outpost of them with ease...
“I’ll explain everything to you on the way.” “Let me quickly get the baby.”
“What, did you forget the name of your nephew already?” you chuckled awkwardly, but seeming to have struck a nerve.
Thor was only slowly approaching the crib in which your lovely baby was resting, staring at it with awe while his trembling hand caressed Liam’s cheek.
“Incredible...” he whispered mainly to himself, as if this wasn’t the thousandth time he would lay eyes upon him. “He’s just like I remember him.”
Something was off.
Of course Thor had a spare key to your flat, but you had never heared him unlock it - he had just kind of appeared in the middle of the room. Could as well be that you had been to invested with something, or buried in thought to notice him, and yet...
“Wait” you stated, making him flinch away from the child and turn around. “My knees are still weak. Help me up first.”
With heavy steps, Thor would force himself away from the crib and towards you again, lending you another hand and easily pulling you up - just for you to point a sharp dagger to his throat.
“Lady Y/N, when did you summo-”
“Shut up!” you hissed, and the god held his hands into the air to assure his goodwill. "Drop the disguse. Now!”
The man let out an amused huff, a taint of green covering his body to revert it back to normal - revealing your husband.
His hair had become longer, and dark rings showed how devastating those past months went by for him. Yet still, he was unmistakingly your husband.
Yet a faint, mad spark in his eyes was what worried you the most.
Now he was holding a knife as well, both circling around the crib with a knife at each other’s throat, as if to dance with each other.
“So it’s really you, Loki?”
“The one and only” he declared, chest swelling with pride at his performance and completely ignoring your hostile undertone. “I missed you painfully, my sweetling.”
He looked to the side where your son was still sleeping soundly, regret clearly visible on his face. “Wha- what name did you give our child?”
“Liam it is.”
The smallest of smiles tugged on his lips, swallowing harshly to surpress the sobs wanting to break free. “Beautiful name. Very well chosen.”
Pain was stretching across your features, desperately trying for the dam of emotions to not break. The dagger in your hand vanished, rather choosing to reluctantly caress his cheek - to make sure this was really him, and not one of his illusions.
And it was really him, leaning into your touch with a content purr. “Yes, my love, just like tha-”
A loud noise drang to his ear, effectively cutting him off. He needed a second to understand that it was in fact you slapping him what caused the interruption.
“Dear, wait, I-” Another hit, this time it was your knee digging into his groin, making him gasp in pain.
With his current power, it would be a piece of cake to block you - yet he knew that after everything that had happened to you, and everything he had done...
...it was what he deserved. So he would allow you to let off some steam.
Yet much to his surprise, you were done already - now grabbing desperately on his cloak and pulling him in for a passionate kiss.
He immediately reciprocated, dropping his weapon as well to embrace you fully, lips mingling with each other over and over again.
Oh, how long had both of you craved for each other?
“Sorry” you panted as your lips finally parted, “Just needed to get that off my chest.”
“Do not apologize, my love” Loki declared, chin resting atop of your head, still no intention to let go off of you. “I deserve far worse than that.”
You looked up to him, the kiss having made something surface in his eyes: So solemn, and incredibly fragile, it made your heart ache.
“Wha- what happened to you? Where have you been all this time?”
Loki’s face contorted at the question, as if the thoughts in his mind were physically painful. But his mind was clouded, unable to make his proper memory resurfacing. “Places far beyond your imagination, dear. And I have learned many things.”
“I-I thought I had lost you...” you ultimatively began to sob, face dug into his chest.
“No” the god whispered softly, his gaze still unwavering. “You always have me. I promise.”
“What now?” you sniveled as he gently pet your head, just as back in good old times. “Where do we go?”
“What do you mean?” Loki’s features creased into a slight frown, “We stay here. There’s no need to leave or flee.”
“Bu-” you hesistantly took a few steps back, to take in his full reaction. “But you’re a wanted criminal, Loki! On Asgard as well as Midgard!”
His manner became more defensive again, glee radiating off of him. “Oh, my sweet, innocent Y/N...still the idealist, I see.”
“And you are still insufferable” you scoffed back, crossing your arms. “What do you mean?”
Actually, you dreaded the answer.
The man seemed to be thinking about many things at once, eyes narrowing before he finally took a hold of your hand, squeezing it ever so slightly when he saw that you were still wearing his ring - even after everything that had happened.
“Y/N, my love, those deaths were a necessary evil.” He tried to peck a quick kiss on your hand, but you pulled away at those words. “The only crime I feel guilty for is having left the love of my life. But don’t you worry, I’ll make up for it.”
He summoned a staff, glowing in the same blue as the tesseract - and much to your terror, his eyes started to adapt to them as well.
“I will create my own kingdom, Y/N! Here on Midgard, with you as my queen! This is what you deserve, my love! You and our child will have everything you desire and more!”
“This is madness, Loki!” It wasn’t the first time he had heared that.
People always treated him wrongly, afterwards wondering why he was trying to create felicity on his own. “Is it?” he croaked, “Is it madness for a person born to rule two kingdoms to create a home he never had?”
His plan did not merit awe or any such feelings he hoped you to have - the only person in the world he thought would understand him.
“Loki, what your parents have done to you is inexcusable, yet-”
“They’re not my parents!” he screamed enraged, eyes then widened in shock that he had raised his voice at you. “My apologies, I...”
“They have kept the truth from you so that you’d never feel different. You know you’re their son, and the Asgardians are your family. You must know that!”
“You speak like mother” he spat, and still Frigga’s words he could not shake off as easily as Odin’s. “There is no going back to that place, and Jotunheim I never had a connection with. You most likely heared that I tried to kill Laufey, yes?”
Nodding in silence, you nervously bit your lip. “Please...” Wrapping your arms around him and placing one ear at his sternum, you could clearly hear how his heart was fighting a war, struggling to decide.
“You can still stop whatever you were gonna do. We can start anew somewhere, lead a peaceful life with Liam. I don’t need wealth or power, and you clearly know any of this wouldn’t give you the satisfaction you’re searching for!”
“As always, you’re right” he grumbled deeply, already regretting what he was about to do. “But it’s not that easy, my naive little dove.”
“No~” With his hand on the back of your neck, he infused a powerful magic inside your body, slowly shutting down your nervous system completely. As careful as possible, he cradled you in his arms and slowly led you to the floor, then proceeding to take his heir.
“The only thing I need for myself is our little family - and I will avenge you by murdering anyone that did you wrong, or tries to separate us again.”
#Loki#Loki x Reader#Loki x You#Loki x Y/N#Loki Laufeyson#Loki / Reader#Loki / You#Marvel#Disney#God of Mischief#Writing#Self Insert#Fanfiction
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Sneaky Link 🔗
Synopsis: Black Reader and Eric find each other online!
Pairing: Erik Stevens x Black Reader
Warning: Language, Smutt, Raw sex
Flopping on the bed Y/N found herself bored for the fourth Friday night in a row. This was supposed to be the season of hook ups and living her best carefree lifestyle that she had planned out but yet is was the exact opposite. Being on summer break from college Y/N had to come back home with the schools being closed. It was something she dreaded.
Home for her wasn’t the best place to be. Between her judgmental and nagging parents and older brother, Chris, Y/N was ecstatic when she discovered that she would be going to a school that was over three hundred miles away. Being four hours away gave her enough freedom knowing that she didn’t have any one breathing down her neck or snitching to her parents about whatever she did. With it only being her sophomore year Y/N loved the college lifestyle.
Getting up she went to her window to open it and put in her square fan. Her air conditioner that she always kept in her room was now being used by her brother so she had to settle for this. Turning the knob she felt the warm cool breeze coming through and taking up the room. Walking back to her bed she logged into her laptop going onto the web browser. Clicking the history she found the website she was searching for and tapped it.
Quick Link popped up on her screen. It was a site that allowed people to meet and chat with other people. Even though Y/N has been going on it for weeks now back and forth, she never met one person that she has chatted with yet. She was okay with talking to them online and even over the phone but the thought of seeing them in person scared her. With all of the Lifetime movies and ID channel she would watch, doing something as small as meeting up with them could be dangerous.
Y/N scrolled through her recent messages. She had over ninety-nine notifications. She knew that she wasn’t going to reply to them all, only the once she found cute. It was like a broken record being played. They all inbox her with the same messages, hey sexy! Y/N rolled eyes at the un-originality. To her it seem like the guys didn’t even try to put in any effort.
Tapping on the keyboard she began to text back the handful that she found attractive when she got two notifications. Hurrying up her sentence she exited out of the chat and clicking on her new direct messages.
HandsomeAssNigga👅- Y/N, what in the hell is yo ass doing on this shit...10:35pm
HandsomeAssNigga👅- And I know you still online. I can see the green bubble by ya picture...10:36pm
Y/N squinted at the name. Who the hell was this texting her like they knew her? The question alone made her stomach flutter at the idea of getting caught on a dating site by someone she knew or knew her. Clearly this person recognized her enough to boldly message her. Clicking on their username she went to their page. Her heart stopped and thighs clenched at the same time.
It was Erik fucking Stevens aka her brother’s childhood best friend. Chris and Erik were the same age and only three years older than Y/N. Growing up Y/N stayed crushing on Erik. It was his braids that he rocked back in the day that had her drooling over him but also how nice he was to her. Y/N remembered the time when she was a freshman in high school and Chris and Erik were both Juniors she would always get a ride with them every morning in his 2005 Honda Accord. He would steal glances at her through his rear view mirror that only she would catch but to afraid to ask him about it.
There would be times that she would find underwear from a girl tucked under the backseat. Y/N heard about the rumored that went around the school that Erik was a player. An experienced one at that. He was grown before his time and with the way the lucky girls who had a chance to sleep with him describe it, he gave dick like he was a grown man as well.
Hearing that did nothing but spark the flame that she felt about him. She wanted to experience it herself. But being the quiet and timid person she was then, she never did. It wasn’t until Y/N went to college where she lost her virginity her freshman and started having sex on the regular with her ex who was also her first. From the first few times they did it, she could never cum from penetration. Y/N thought it was normal and that every girl dealt with it until she shared a few stories with her friends and they would tell her about the way their guys would make them squirt.
Squirting was something Y/N always wanted to do but could never achieve with her guy. She loved feeling him inside of her stretching her open but he was a quick pumper. He came too fast for her and couldn’t last long enough to get her to nut. So after every session she would take her bullet and tortured her clit until she felt her cream escaping her hole. Not having sex since the last time she was at school had Y/N body extremely horny and hot and ready like a little ceasars pizza.
Clicking through his pictures had her clenching her thighs. After he graduated high school, the graduation was the last place she seen Erik. She wasn’t even sure if Chris and him were still close friends. But what she could say is that he grew up very nice. He now had dreads that hung over his eyes with a clean shape up to top it off. His teeth pearly and white accompanied by gold canines he was wearing in every other picture and last but not least his body was everything. Standing at 6’3 and looking like a solid 215 from her view Erik was fine as fuck.
Giggling and embarrassed with herself she replied back.
BlackBeauty- Erik omg...this is so embarrassing. How did you find me?...10:40pm
Biting the nail on her thumb she waited for him to answer her. To her surprise he wrote back fairly faster than what she expected.
HandsomeAssNigga👅- Noticed yo little ass on the explore page. I know you not on here meeting with these wack ass niggas...10:42pm
She laughed re-reading his message. To her it sound like it was possessive but she didn’t want to over think it.
BlackBeauty- Never!! I am not stupid. I haven’t met one person yet...10:44pm
Hitting the send button she rolled her eyes noticing herself getting desperate from his attention.
HandsomeAssNigga👅-Okay bet! I don’t wanna have to fuck you up youngin 😈...10:47pm
Biting her lip, she stared down the emoji. She wondered what that meant. She wondered in what way did he meant when he said he would fuck her up. At this point Y/N was dripping between her thick thighs.
BlackBeauty- What about you? I know you out here fucking these bitches you meet on here. Don’t lie lol...10:49pm
Y/N didn’t want to seem nosy, she was just trying to make conversation.
HandsomeAssNigga👅- Damn you cuss now? And second of all don’t be worried about what I do with my dick. I’m grown and that’s different...10:51pm
Bringing a hand down to her covered pussy Y/N caressed it. The warmth coming through her panties and cotton shorts. She didn’t know what it was but the way he was responding had her feeling a type of way. She wasn’t the shy young girl anymore he used to know and she wanted to make that clear.
BlackBeauty- I’m grown too Erik 💦...10:53pm
Her heart beat sped up when she sent the text not knowing how he was going to respond.
HandsomeAssNigga👅- To who? I know ya young ass ain’t out here fuckin yet. You was too shy for that last time I saw you. Even if you was, I know you ain’t getting know real dick...10:55pm
HandsomeAssNigga👅- What’s that emoji supposed to represent? Ya pussy or sum shit? Let me find out Y/N 👿...10:56pm
There goes that little devil that had her questioning herself again.
BlackBeauty- I get dick on the regular. Good dick! And yes Erik that emoji reps my pussy. Same young pussy that’ll be too wet for you to handle! I’ll have you drownin in my shit...10:59pm
Y/N could always talk a good game online. It was where she could be get as nasty as she wanted without actually putting in work. The guys who would hit her up loved her foreplay that she had spit over the internet and she was fortunate enough where they never pressed her to meet in person.
HandsomeAssNigga👅- Bring that pussy here and I’ma show you if I’ll drown in it. Stop fucking playing with me Y/N if you not gonna pull up. I don’t do this back and forth teasing shit. You tryna do a Sneaky Link or what?...11:02pm
Checking the hall Y/N seen that the lights were off. Her parents were most likely sleeping and Chris always worked Friday nights. This was the perfect time and opportunity to leave. She would have to sneak the keys from the key holder and use her dad’s car to get to his place. Y/N didn’t do this on the regular but because it was Erik she was curious. She wanted to see for herself if all of the rumors were true. Y/N was going to fuck him tonight.
BlackBeauty- Send me the addy..I’m on my way...11:04pm
________
After showering and preparing for her dick appointment Y/N successfully snuck out of the house. She put his address in her GPS. It was a twenty minute drive to get to his apartment. Putting the car in park and turning it off, Y/N felt the butterflies in her stomach grow while walking into the building. Taking her phone out she went to his message and looking up the apartment number he gave her. Apartment 3B.
Knocking on the door. She held her hands together tightly. She was beyond nervous and rethinking her decision as her heart kept thumping. She couldn’t believe that she was really going to go through this. After so many years of fantasizing about him in her room she was finally going to see the real thing. Y/N only wondered if it was as good as she hoped.
The door swung open showing Erik sipping on a glass of dark liquor. In nothing but a tight wife beater that clung to his chest and his sweats that hung low Y/N could see the print poking through so visibly. It looked like he was free balling it.
“Damn ma. You wasn’t lying about getting grown. You look good as shit.” Erik sipped from his glass. He stepped aside inviting her in.
Y/N smiled softly going inside. She only took a few steps in and stood to the side waiting for him. She heard the door lock behind her as it caused her to gulp hard on her spit.
Erik eyed her with his low eyes. He chuckled seeing that she was clearly nervous.
“So that’s ya thing?” His voice was low and deeper than what she remembered.
“What’s my thing?” Her soft voice speaking up.
“Talking shit online but quiet it person.” He stated putting her on the spot.
Y/N smacked her lips and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She turned facing his livingroom.
“Nah ain’t no whatever. What’s good ma? Where that big girl energy go?” He walked up behind her pressing his body into hers. The hand that wasn’t holding his cup wrapped around her waist gripping the small pudge on her stomach.
Y/N shivered when she felt his dick on her ass. Her assumption was right. He wasn’t wearing any underwear beneath his sweats. She could feel the coldness of his chains on her shoulder when he leaned on her due to her only wearing a tank top. She grabbed his hand, not pushing him away but holding on to him.
“I’m here aren’t I?” She gazed at him over her shoulder.
He smirked at her smart remark. “You need anything before we start? A drink, blunt, something to help you calm ya scary ass down.” He teased.
She pushed his hand from around her waist and folded her arms. “I’m not scary Erik. If I was I wouldn’t be here.”
“Then why you barely saying shit?” He licked his lips.
Y/N shrugged. “It’s just been a while since I saw you. You look...different.” Playing with her diamond earning, she occupied her fingers.
“I may look different but I’m still the same Erik that used to jack ya brother up every time he fucked with you when no one was looking. Ain’t shit changed about me ma so you can relax. I’m tryna take care of you tonight.” He spoke stepping closer.
They were now face to face. Y/N’s frame staring up into his 6’3 one. When she would inhale she could smell his expensive cologne mix with the Hennessy he’s been sipping on since she got here.
“Okay.” She answered with a bite of her bottom lip.
Erik groaned at the action. Both of his hands behind his back now, he bent down to her level to meet her halfway. “C’mere.” He demanded a kiss with messy dreads hanging over his eyes.
Meeting him where he was, Y/N listened giving him one. The taste of the dark liquor transferring over to her taste buds from his tongue invading her mouth. The warmth of it made her melt under him and causing her head to lean back. She was already growing weak just from the kiss.
Erik reached behind her slapping her ass and gripping it with his free hand. “Fuck you doing all that for and I ain’t even do shit yet.” He spoke against her lips peaking through his eyelids.
“Hurry up then daddyy.” Y/N whined.
“That’s my name for the night? I like that shit.” He walked them backwards until they reached his room which wasn’t far away from the front.
Placing his glass down on his dresser he lifted her up by her thighs, picking her up. Y/N squealed from the unexpected action. She held onto his neck hoping he wouldn’t drop her. Erik chuckled playing with her ass cheeks before laying her down on the bed gently.
“You sucked dick before...miss grown?” Bringing his hand down, he massaged his print through his sweats.
Leaning up on the palm of her hands, Y/N nodded answering yes. She did it plenty of times with her ex, who she could make cum quickly off of head alone but the way Erik was grabbing his tool made her think differently.
“So what’s up then? Come show me what that mouth do?”
Kicking off her sandals Y/N got off the bed. His eyes stayed glued to her. Getting on her knees in front of him she tugged the sides of the grey sweats and pulled them down to his mid thigh. His dick sprung out almost hitting her in the face had she been centimeters closer.
Long and thick was what it was. A beautiful smooth brown texture covered his heavy package. Y/N felt her mouth watered thinking about how her cream and juices would look being all over it. This man was truly blessed and so far proving the rumors to be true.
Erik twisted his hips side to side wagging it in front of her. He lifted the wife beater up and tucked it under his chin so that he can get a good view.
Grabbing the base of his length Y/N eyed it. She was trying to figure out ways to be able to swallow this monster without choking. Sticking her tongue out she tapped his tip against it. A string from her saliva on her tongue being attached to his head every time they separated. With her prior experience and watching porn she grew to have her own technique.
Y/N allowed the spit to build up in her mouth when she sucked on his tip. No nigga likes dry head and she wasn’t going to start giving it today. She wanted it to be extra sloppy for Erik. Tightening her jaws she went up and down on his dick. Taking only about four inches of him and using her spit to stroke the rest of him. With just the little bit of his length she was able to take she could already feel him reaching her back.
“Fuck that throat feel good. Shitt!” Erik groaned gripping her tight kinky curls and putting them into a ponytail. He tilted his head watching her go stupid on his dick. He sucked in his lower lip when she began to swivel her head around.
Long drips of spit went falling down on her black tank top. Erik’s eyebrows scrunched up the moment he felt her take his balls in her mouth and suck on them lightly while stroking his tip. His stomach started to tighten and his toes dug into his carpet. This girl was trying to take his soul the way she sucking him up.
“Man whatchu doing Y/N?” Erik asked amazed, closing his eyes for a second. He couldn’t remember the last time he had head this good.
“I’m showing you that I’m grown daddy.” She answered coming up.
Now both of her hands were focused on playing with his balls while she sucked his tip and some of the few inches she was able to reach. Her eyes stared into his not stopping at all. She had him right where she wanted him. She could tell from the way his breathing sped up that he was getting weak and ready to bust a nut. Y/N tightened her suction to make it happen when she felt him pull her off by her hair.
Erik took one hand gripping her spit covered chin and tilted her head up to look at him. “Fuck is you doing sucking my dick like that ma? You tryna make me hold you hostage for the whole night?” He asked seriously.
Y/N giggled. “I just wanna make you cum Daddy.” She reached for his tip and gripped it making him jerk forward.
Erik smacked his lips annoyed that she had him feeling like sensitive. “Chill with that. Let me fuck you first before you suck this nut out.”
Helping her up and placing her back on the bed Erik slide off her biker shorts tossing them somewhere. Underneath them she had on some cotton hipster panties with little rainbows spreaded everywhere. Erik laughed when he seen it.
“Why you wearing shit like this ma?” He teased stepping out of his pants and getting on the bed.
“Because it’s cute. Why you worried about what I’m wearing instead of taking them off?” Y/N mocked his question.
Erik smirked bringing his hand up to the piece of cloth and ripping them straight down the middle and threw them on the ground. A gasp left Y/N lips as she was shocked from him doing that. Slapping his forearm, her lips went into a pout becoming upset.
“Erik, I just brought those two weeks ago.” She smacked the hand that was rubbing her thigh.
“You said to take them off. My bad. That’s the way I usually do it.” He lifted her legs by the back of her thighs while he consoled her as a distraction.
Y/N was frustrated at the fact that he ripped her new panties but also that she wasn’t going to have any to wear back home after this link.
“I don’t care how you do it, you shouldn’t have- ohh shiitt!” Her rant was cut off with the sound of moans leaving her mouth.
Holding her legs by the back of her knees Y/N glanced down to see Erik flicking her clit. The tip of his tongue felt wet and firm, in a good way. She really started to feel it when he took one hand and spread her phat pussy lips. Now her clit was out in the open and more accessible. Erik’s eyes met hers through his dreads when his lips wrapped around her bud and began to suck.
“Mm fuck...daddyy!” The sensation had Y/N’s hips thrusting to meet his vacuum like suction. So powerful and wet.
“I want you to cum on this fuckin tongue!” His words were muffled by the lips of her pussy surrounding his but it was enough to reach her ears. Taking a hand he smacked her outer thigh making his demand clear.
Her warm and slick juices ran out of her opening. It was something about the way he commanded her to nut that made her wetter and willing. Y/N liked to be dominated. Lifting up the tank top and pulling it up to her chest she tweaked and flipped her nipples adding to the stimulation. For her the feeling of having her nipples played with while getting her pussy ate made her orgasm a hundred times better.
“Eat this fucking pussy b-babyy-“ She whimpered feeling a tear slide down the corner of her eye.
Even though he noticed it, Erik didn’t stop. The juices that he caught in his mouth made it hard. He loved a good tasting ass pussy. Y/N definitely had one. Moving his assault from her clit he put his tongue in her tight opening. He began to fuck her with it. Erik put his hands under her ass cheeks and got a good cuff before bringing her back and forth on his stiff tongue. With the way her legs were still in the air he could see Y/N toes curl the second he started the action. She began leaking so quickly. Erik chuckled inwardly when he felt her walls squeezing on him.
“Mhm.” He moaned teasing her.
Y/N was cumming from the second time just off of his mouth alone. She reached down to rub her clit while he stuck his tongue deep inside her. She ain’t never got head this good before back at college. Her thighs began to shake as she felt another mini orgasm hit. Her pussy growing sensitive and overstimulated.
Grabbing his dreads she lifted his head up. “Daddy you was eating my pussy so good. Fuckk!” She moaned with a quiver in her voice.
“Now I’m bout to beat this pussy up real good too. Turn around. I want that ass from the back.” Erik barked getting on his knees.
Swiftly taking off her tank top, Y/N turned around like he said and got on all fours. She felt a firm smack to her right ass cheek. Moaning she rocked back and forth and twerked each cheek individually. Y/N looked over her shoulder behind her seeing Erik watching her move it so effortlessly. His hands went up to her waist and pulled her closer to him. Now she could feel her mound rubbing against his bare hard rock hard stick.
“Doing all this ass shaking, you better not try to run from the dick. I don’t want none of that.” He gripped a cheek spreading it watching her pussy lips follow.
“I’m not gon run daddy..I promise.” She reassured him softly.
Erik gripped the base of his length. Smacking it against her her clit he played with it for a while to warm her up. When he heard her moaning and seen her backing up against him he knew she was ready. Erik sent a drip of spit on the tip of his dick and rubbed it over it with a free hand. He teasingly dipped in and out of her tight hole. Y/N pussy was tight as fuck and he knew he had to work his way in. Getting deeper and deeper with each inch her warm wet walls clung on to him.
“Ooh fuck!” Y/N eyes closed not expecting him to feel like this. Erik was stretching her pussy out. Her arms sprawled out in front of her gripping his sheets.
“Tight ass pussy you got. What happened to getting dick on the regular? Hmm?” Holding her down by the small of her back Erik made her arch deeper as he stroked her slick walls.
Y/N’s mouth couldn’t close or make a sound. From the position he had her in she couldn’t move or run if she wanted to. Pinned down and made to take it. Erik was dicking her down. His heavy fat dick busting her pussy open and touching her stomach. Fuck that. He was putting it in her chest. Y/N reached behind her to hold on to his wrist while he pounded her pussy with precision. Her face smashed into the bed. His dick was too good for her.
“Ooh baby... Daddy don’t fuck me like this!” She shouted not knowing what she was saying. Y/N didn’t want him to stop but she couldn’t handle the pressure he was putting on her bladder.
Erik didn’t have just a big dick that could stretch a pussy out. He knew how to fuck with it. When he stroked he didn’t use his whole body he worked his hips and that’s what drove bitches crazy about him. Erik would fuck like he was trying to make a baby.
“I thought you came here to get fucked?” He asked lifting off her. He bended one knee and balanced his weight on his foot pressing it into the bed. His hand wrapped around her throat as he caught a rhythm making her throw it back on him.
The sound of skin clapping filled the room. Y/N’s arch was now the deepest it’s ever been with Erik choking her from behind and making her head tilt up towards the ceiling. Cramping in her stomach let her know that she was about to break. She was finally about to cum from penetration alone. His curved tip would press on a spot she didn’t know she had there causing her legs to convulse. Her whimpers and moans only encouraged him to keep doing what he was doing. Which was tearing her pussy up.
“Shiitt!!” She cursed grabbing onto her titty to have something to hold on.
Erik bit his lip seeing her ass tremble from her orgasm and feeling her squeezing his dick with a vice grip. He slapped her left cheek before pulling out to flip her over on her back. Looking down at his meat it was covered in her creamy juices. His dick jumped at the sight.
“Good ass pussy.” He mumbled in a trance.
Using the weight of his hips he thrusted finding his way back inside of her. The warm wet tunnel closing in on him. Erik lifted up the wife beater that was still on in the mist, and brought it up under his chin tucking it to move it out of his way. His hands found the back of her thighs and pinned them against her chest. He began stroking and getting deeper from the angle.
Being trapped from his hold that he had on her, the only thing Y/N could do was bring her hands to his hips trying to interrupt his movements. Y/N didn’t like this feeling. He was going too deep. Deeper than what she was used to. Shaking her head from side to side she pushed at his hips that only kept going due to her weak and trembling arms not being able to produce enough strength.
“Move ya fuckin hands.” He demanded while keeping his steady stroke. Erik cussed under his breath hearing the smacking sounds coming from her hole that could be mistaken for a pot of mac and cheese being stirred. That’s how good Y/N pussy was.
Her tight walls gripped his dick. Erik looked between their bodies watch the beautiful art being made. Her pussy following him whenever he pulled out to the tip just to be sucked back in. Pussy as good and wet as hers always got him to bust hard. He was close. Leaning down to her neck he kissed and sucked her skin while having her pinned down taking his length. Erik felt her walls slick up and knew she was about to nut again.
“Let that shit go mama.” He whispered in her neck.
Y/N’s nails scratched against his back. Her eyes wailed up with tears feeling the pressure in her stomach building up. She lost count of how many times he had made her cum tonight but she knew she was grateful and only prayed that this wasn’t the last time she got dick this bomb.
“Unhh.” She couldn’t produce any words. Her toes curled as she gazed at the ceiling feeling her body shake.
“There you go.” He pecked her neck.
Erik talked her through her nut while he continued to chase his. It wasn’t long before he felt his dick throb and grow inside of her. Pulling out he climbed on top of her holding his body up with one hand pressed into the bed as he stroked his dick with the other. Y/N opened her mouth and sucked his tip. She could feel his seed spilling on her tongue and traveling down her throat. She wasn’t usually a swallower but the way he had just fucked her he deserved to have his dick milked.
“Ahh shit!” Erik cursed caressing her jaw as he watched her suck him dry. She was cleaning both her juices and his nut off of his dick.
A popping sound escaped her mouth when she released him. Y/N’s body couldn’t move as she laid back staring at him with disbelief. Erik caught her face expression.
“What?” He asked standing on the side of the bed.
“Nothing. It’s just the rumors that I heard about you were all true. You do give some good dick.” Turning to lay on her side Y/N smiled.
Erik laughed. “Yeah well I could say the same about you.”
Her brows knitted in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Little birdy that goes to your college told me about how good ya pussy was. Had to find out for myself.” He smirked at her.
“Erik what are you talking about?” Y/N sat up.
“I’m talking about your ex that you fuck from time to time is my second cousin. Nigga couldn’t stop running his mouth about you. Small world ain’t it?”
He paused watching the confusion clouding over her face. “Besides why else you think I had hit you up tonight? It damn sure wasn’t to reminisce over the past.”
Taking off the wife beater, Erik leaned down to kiss her lips before walking away.
______________________________________
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