#like dude why is that the FUNNIEST thing to me

[moeblob]

So about that upcoming Steam Prison canon divergent (AU?) and sequel plot thing..............

Get fucking romanced by an idiot, Sachsen.

[beeduoo]

originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

[trlblzd]

found these again and laughed my ass off

[napsaps-archive]

being blocked by someone is whatever like i don't really care at the end of the day but what sucks is finding out someone's blocked me by trying to rb a post of theirs and it doesn't work so i try and rb it again (doesn't work) and i try and rb a post from somebody else and that does work, so at that point im just wow ok this person i don't like anyway has me blocked whatever. but tumblr, who said Something went wrong! Try again in a few minutes., will keep trying to rb the post and i'll get the Post Failed notification over and over until finally I get the one with the option to discard the rb and the whole time i can just feel them laughing at me, it's laughing, like i need to have the fact that this random person has blocked me rubbed into my face repeatedly for 10 minutes. like whose idea was that

[prettyvacanttt]

Ok so there is this pitbull named Happy, I know that now because I've had to go get his chip checked four times already, I've never seen him around the neighborhood on my walks or in anybody's yard or anything. Yet once a week for the past month this child just...shows up at my house. So like usually I just hang out w him fr like three hours until best friends opens and I go get coffee w the dog and maybe go for a walk and then I have to drop him off at dog jail until the owner can come get him. Next time it happens...happy is actually my dog

[personapeters]

✰ 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐣𝐣 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

— kook or pogue; doesn’t matter, simply your sweet boyfriend, jj

rating: sfw — cw: slightly suggestive

— boyfriend jj who… insists on physically lifting you into and out of the boat every time, or at the very least holding your hands. the one time you leapt out when his back was turned, you lost your footing and almost tumbled into the water, to which jj was very displeased: “alright, nope, see, that’s why we don’t do that.”

— boyfriend jj who… thinks you’re the funniest person on the planet — the way he cackles at every joke you tell makes you question if it’s forced, or exaggerated at the least, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. your humor matches his so perfectly that everything you say or do he only wishes he would have thought of first. the two of you are constantly a nonstop giggling mess full of silly inside jokes and plain stupidity.

— boyfriend jj who… thrives off of long hugs with you; specifically when it feels more like you’re just holding him. hiding his face in your neck and breathing you in calms his nerves in a way that smoking weed never could.

— boyfriend jj who… is absolutely mesmerized by everything you do; whether that be your makeup (he thinks you’re the artist and the art), or simply steering the boat (the way the wind blows in your hair and the sun highlights each and every shade is unreal). he often finds himself completely zoned out of reality with soft blue eyes as he marvels in awe at everything that is you. he's often chewing the inside of his lip as he stares, quickly averting his gaze to his hands when you look his way, though it’s always so obvious.

— boyfriend jj who… loves when you come to watch him surf, though it’s stressful watching him disappear under the waves for what feels like minutes at a time. but, without fail, he always ends up running to you with a big, toothy smile as he wraps a cold, muscular arm around your waist, pressing wet, salty lips to yours as he beams with excitement: “babe, did you fuckin’ see that?!”

— boyfriend jj who… isn’t too good at saying ‘i love you’ but shows it in everything he does: plucking you random flowers (and weeds, though he doesn’t know that), fixing your top as you chat amongst friends, keeping a hair tie on his wrist because he just knows you’re going to need one, always keeping physical touch with you in some way (absentmindedly twirling your hair, resting your legs on his lap, holding your hand, leaning on your shoulder).

— boyfriend jj who… tries to contain his himself but is more than willing to get in a fight when it comes to you; whether it be one too many comments made about you in order to taunt him or another man’s hand lingering on yours for way too long, jj is quick to set things straight no matter who it puts him up against.

— boyfriend jj who… gets jealous very easily but tries his hardest to control it. before you started dating, he would simply avert his attention or walk away from any situation involving you and a guy, knowing he shouldn’t be jealous but he couldn’t help it. now that you’re officially his, his emotion is worn clearly on his face.

— boyfriend jj who… falls asleep virtually anywhere, as long as you were around. he hates it, obviously wanting to be awake when he’s with you, but the feeling of genuine comfort and safety you give him is nothing like he’d ever felt at home, or anywhere, so he often finds his head on your lap or shoulder, fighting a slumber.

— boyfriend jj who… likes to take off his cap and place it backwards on your head whenever you’re making out, always laughing into the kiss whenever it inevitably falls over your eyes.

— boyfriend jj who… noticed your awestruck reaction to once finding the ‘perfect’ seashell in the sand and now brings you the prettiest, shiniest, most perfect seashells he can find — no matter who it inconveniences: “dude, it’s been, like, twenty minutes! can’t we just buy one somewhere?” pope groaned. “yeah, let me get a fake i.d. and forge a check, too, since we’re frauds now,” jj scoffed.

— boyfriend jj who… has absolutely no filter so he often just says things that you then have to somehow answer for: “is your hair supposed to look like that?” he’d wonder aloud innocently. “jj!” you’d whisper before clearing your throat, “he just means did you have to use any product or-or anything or is it naturally so pretty?”

— boyfriend jj who… remembers all the little things about you, despite his forgetful and oblivious nature, often taking you by surprise when he mentions them: “nah, you won’t like that, s’got peanut butter in it.” or "wait, the same girl who kicked down your sandcastle in third grade? i hate that bitch. sorry, sorry, continue.”

— boyfriend jj who… let’s you fiddle with the numerous rings and bracelets adorning his hands whenever you want, knowing it’s a calming distraction whenever you’re anxious. often times, you’ll be sitting with his large hand on your lap, twisting and pulling at the metal around his fingers as he chatted amongst his friends, completely unfazed by your fidgeting — he’s used to (and loves) it.

— boyfriend jj who… carves the both of your initials into the trunks of numerous tree’s across the island, whether it’s one on the side of a busy street or in the depths of a secluded wood — he likes knowing that you’re etched permanently everywhere.

 personapeters 2025 — all rights reserved • masterlist

[landograndprix]

╰┈➤ ❝ desire • l.n c.l ❞ xi

part ten - part twelve

➪ Charles hasn't paid much attention to you after your daughter was born but a certain Brit does.

➪ charles finally realizes things between you and lando are in fact serious.

➪ mom!reader x dad!Charles x lando

➪ sorry this took so long :') charles needs professional help <3

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milliexoxo

liked by y/nusername, logansargeant and 5,784 others

milliexoxo okay but my mom speaks italian

tagged: landonorris, y/nusername, carlossainz55

view all 583 comments

norrizz NAH MISS ZOE LECLERC SIT DOWN IM NOT READY FOR YOU TO STAND

↳ yukisan HONESTLY WHATS NEXT WALKING?!

bott_ass HAVE Y'ALL NOT SEEN MILS LATEST VLOG SHE DOES WALK ALREADY

norrizz NAH SEDATE ME IM NOT READY FOR THIS

norry4 Y'ALL FORGOT ITS HER 1ST BIRTHDAY IN LIKE 2 WEEKS?!

landoscar look at mom and dad :(

julieeeexo refuse to believe that's zoë, why is she growing so fast?!

carlandooo carlos and zoë?! 🥺

↳ sharl16 charles punching air rn 😂

charliecharlie aw I'm becoming the biggest y/nlando shipper 😩

logansargeant love the new haircut. 🔥

↳ hamilt44n asjklmsks arianna what are you doing here?!

grussell63 @.y/nusername help your kid out 😭

landonorizzzz pls @.y/nusername adopt logan as well 😭

landofourr wait is this considered a y/nlando hard launch?

↳ chilisainz girl they don't need a hard launch, it's so obvious with everything they do 💀

versainz155 carlos casually hanging out with lando and his little family is what I'm living for <3

➽────────────────────────❥

➽────────────────────────❥

y/nusername posted to their story

charles_leclerc replied to your story

charles_leclerc

Where's zoë?

y/nusername

with millie

charles_leclerc

What hotel are you staying in?

y/nusername

we rented a place, zoë is not stuck in a hotel room if that's what you're hinting at, she's able to crawl and walk around all she want.

charles_leclerc

You go on a lot of dates with lando and leave zoë with someone else

y/nusername

you're joking, right?

you're becoming a real asshole, Charles

get a grip

➽────────────────────────❥

y/nusername

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell and 768,523 others

y/nusername quando in Italia 🧀 🍝 (when in italy)

tagged: landonorris, milliexoxo

view all 1,176 comments

norry4 not the bucket hat, my girl has been hanging around with lando to much 😩

milliexoxo I told y'all my mom speaks Italian

↳ charlesgirlies your 'mom' speaks Italian because her baby daddy is half italian

oscarpastry charles is not half Italian 💀

charlesgirlies girl, he is in spirit lmao

bobnorriz lando and zoë content y'all 🥰

norstappen not really sure if I like the fact zoë is walking but okay..rude :(

el645 when are you going to admit you cheated on charles?

↳ hamilt44n oh god the stalker made its way to insta 💀

yukisan when is charles going to admit he cheated on y/n?

el645 aren't yall curious why they broke up?

charlescharles dude we don't need to know why they broke up? 🤡

landonorris been cooking with my best friend 💜

↳ hamiltonh SHUT UP 😭😭 😭

milliexoxo close to turning a year and still a better cook than you

bott_ass girl you're never going to get along with your stepdad if you keep bullying him like this

➽────────────────────────❥

➽────────────────────────❥

y/nusername

📍 Nice, France

liked by milliexoxo, maxfewtrell and 675,458 others

y/nusername a year ago the tiniest little girl changed my life for the better, happy 1st birthday to our silly little bear ❤️❤️❤️❤️

view all 1,425 comments

bott_ass happy birthday zoë!

maxfewtrell happy 1st birthday to my best friend ❤️

riabish happy birthday pretty girl! 💜💜

logansargeant happy 1st birthday zoë!

↳ hamilt44n I love this, I hope y/n adopted Logan 🥺

milliexoxo my silly little girlfriend, hope you have the happiest of birthdays! <3

carlossainz55 happy birthday to the funniest girl ❤️

norrizz this girlie is so loved 😭 happy b-day little princess! 😍

el645 funny for someone who didn't want a kid in the first place

↳ chilisainz Noelle get your ass out of here

norry4 man's must be blind, this woman LOVES her daughter

lando happy birthday to our little bear 🐻

↳ y/nusername ❤️❤️

landonorris ❤️❤️

yukisan everyday I come on this app and cry :(

charles16 Monaco gp week? Nah, it's been Zoë her week ❤️

➽────────────────────────❥

➽────────────────────────❥

y/nusername

liked by milliexoxo, maxfewtrell and 698,452 others

y/nusername the bestest company. <3

tagged: milliexoxo, logansargeant, landonorris, liamlawson30

yukisan Logan had been officially adopted 😭

↳ grussell63 and Liam & his girlfriend?! 😭

lewisham Liam and y/n gave little brother big sister vibes back when Liam took dr3 his seat for a while, I'm not surprised!

norrizz I don't think y'all realize y/n started socialising way more after she left charles, I wonder with who she's hanging out with 👀

landoscar lando and oscar content thank you queen!!!!

norry4 mom and dad with their kids <3

chilisainz wonder where the die hard y/ncharles shippers are right now..

↳ yukisan probably still skipping around in delululand

mcnorris lads, she's still dating charles, lando and y/n are just friends...duh 🤪

yukisan if that's what it's like to have lando as just a friend, can I have him as a friend as well 😭

lawsonbaby LIAM?! CANT WAIT TO SEE THE VLOG

carlando they're insta official 🥺

maxfewtrell cute but where am I?

↳ milliexoxo this post is meant for the cute people..

landonorris and yet you're in it..

milliexoxo 😲

y/nusername contrary to popular beliefs, I'm actually nice and didn't want to turn you into another meme

maxfewtrell I appreciate that, thanks mate ❤️

nortrell MATE?! Best buds these two 😭

➽────────────────────────❥

➽────────────────────────❥

➽────────────────────────❥

Desire taglist; @fangirl-dot-cm @sainzluvrr @writingworlds @chezmardybum @lewisvinga @xjval @fanficweasley @rockyhayzkid @aundercover @thecubanator2 @minchedchilli @crimeshowjunkie @alisoncasey21 @eeviepepi08 @shamelesspotatos @sleepybrokenmelle @leireggsworld @janeholt3 @iamahalicinationn @dessxoxsworld @kapsylia @22yuki @dark-night-sky-99 @sheslikeacurse @nerdreader

Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @softboystarkey @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @80sloverry @bibissparkles @myescapefromthislife @lanando4 @elliegrey2803 @ravisinghs-wife @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @pretty-little-bunny382728 @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @severewobblerlightdragon @cherry-piee @namgification @mycenterfold @devineendevers @celestialend

Lando taglist: @beatricemiruna @simp-for-fictional-people @landossainz @christianpulisic10 @bored-brunette2 @i83andrew @mcmuppet @justdreamersdream

[daydreamcloudshiding]

#6 Astrology Observations

People with 2nd house stellium are generous but also protective with their resources. Like the more you show them that you want/need their help, the more they will withhold it from you

People with prominent Leo placements in natal chart have such sensitive ego, like the moment you make them feel like they are less important, they will remember that sh*t forever

Although, ironically, Leo placements are really good in boosting someone else's ego as well

Aquarius people are the funniest people I've ever met. They can be so loving and caring but in a light-hearted way

Prominent Saturn placement in composite chart have feel like one of you will be looked up to, almost like a parent or teacher. This also works in synastry chart

In my experience, Virgos always have that selfish streak about them. Makes me want to kind of gatekeep certain things from them lol

In my life, a lot of Sagittarius women fell for Cancer men so much??? It's weird though, because I always perceive Sagittarius women as this ambitious, freedom-seeking, and sometimes even reckless in their emotional expression. But they ended up baby-ing these Cancer men

North node conjunct Chiron in composite chart is very karmic and hurtful, at least that's my experience. It's like the universe will forced the both of you to grow and change, face your deepest fears and even the worst version of yourselves.

Mars in 8th house composite: The Jealous Couple. The moment some b*tch tried to touch / talk to their significant other inappropriately, all hell breaks loose. Just don't. Even the most chill couple I know just won't sit quietly, they will fight with you. And don't get me wrong, this isn't about one person gets jealous of the other. It's both. Both of them have this attitude towards the relationship

Lilith in 1st house composite, both become each other's sexiest and darkest fantasies

I feel like a lot of people are obsessed with 8th house synastry. People actually imagined it to be this hades/persephone type sh*t where one person is obsessed with the other -reminds me of those creepy booktok girls who fantasize about getting kidnapped by handsome dude. While in real life, 8th house synastry can be so emotionally abusive and the worst part is, not one person in this person meant any harm or even have the obsessive qualities before this relationship. Which is why some people talk about this placement as if the people in it is "losing themselves", because they do might be changed, but not always for the better. Or at least, these people will be the worst version of themselves before they get better. In real life, if you have s*icidal tendencies or depression, this type of relationship can trigger you so much. Oftentimes, this person that you have 8th house synastry with represents both your insecurities and desire

There's something about Pisceans that somehow seems like "the perfect victim" with how passive and innocent they are, only later people discover how they hate feeling trapped or abused in anyway. The moment they feel slighted, they will remember it forever however due to their somewhat light-hearted and dreamy nature, they seems to forget about it so easily but they aren't. It's only a matter of time before they leave. Somehow, some way, with their passivity, it seems to others that they will just "accept" whatever treatment from others, but then you notice with time, they will be withdrawn and avoid you little by little. Piscesan reminds me sooooo much of Sagittarius (and yes both are ruled by Jupiter, which represents expansion) so the idea that they're this harmless, passive, innocent little baby who will stay there no matter what is so not true. They will avoid confrontation and will not argue with you about how wrong you treated them, but they will find an escape route

Sagittarius women really out there being the baddies and somehow fall for questionable men 😃

Venus in 7th house in the Solar Return Chart does not always means that you will find love that year. It could also means that justice will be in your favor

Those people with placements that aligns with your mercury sign can help balance your mental health

I'm not even sure if I've written this before, but all water signs are equally vindictive. They don't ever forget sh*t you did to them, especially the girls

Scorpios, especially the males, are attracted to dark, dangerous personalities, probably because in some sense they recognized that characteristics within themselves. However, once they become the said victims of those dark personalities, they will become too spiritual/religious, or further affected their narrow-mindedness (if they are already narrow-minded) and those who aren't narrow-minded initially, they will start to become one. They can even turn hateful. This is because in my opinion, like most water signs, they are can be prone to naivety. They genuinely thought that these dark personalities will do harm to others, but somehow not to them because they too recognized these characteristics in them. But these dark personalities, or just messed up people are not picky about their victims, they just victimize anyone in their way. This can create power struggles in the relationship or make the relationship too transactional because Scorpios will want to overpower the other, and would rather stay in this relationship (until they win the war, or get even, revengeful, etc) than to just stay the f away from these toxic relationships. This can create harmful patterns in their behavior where future relationships with others/new lovers will be filled with manipulations and "tactics" rather than sincerity

[arandomao3user]

. . . F#&% you.

*Makes a Timbern Baby AU, but they... Forget to tell any of their family they had a baby for a few years.*

—

Tim, stumbling inside, half asleep, fell through the window, face planted, got back up, blinks slowly:

Bernard, standing there with a newborn in his arms: Uh, hey, Tim?

Tim, army crawling on the floor because getting up is a lot of work: Huh?

Bernard: Some ninja looking dude showed up at our doorstep, said something about owing you and making amends and stuff...

Tim, pulling himself into bed: Uh huh?

Bernard: He gave us a baby.

Tim:

Bernard, holding up baby: She's made of our DNA and stuff.

Tim:

Bernard: Sooo...

Tim, confused screaming:

—

Tim, holding up his new daughter: I lost my spleen to that man, got thrown out a window, had an army of assassins sent after me... anD HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR FATHER!?

Bernard, laughing:

—

Tim, setting their new baby in a box they made into a crib: Should we, like, name it?

Bernard, observing the sleeping baby: That's probably the responsible thing to do.

Tim: So, first name?

Bernard: First name. Uhh, could name her after your Mom?

Tim: Which one?

Bernard: Okay, so that's a no. After your sister?

Tim: That'd get confusing later.

Bernard: . . . We could name her after Darla.

Tim: I'm game if you are.

Bernard: Nice, so, we're great at this parenting thing! So... Who's last name does she take?

Tim: I'm convinced the Wayne name is cursed, so.

Bernard: Darla Dowd?

Tim: Wait.

Bernard: Yeah?

Tim: We could do the funniest thing ever.

*She was later dubbed: Darla Janet Dowd-Drake-Wayne.*

—

Jason: Damn, Timmy, you look exhausted.

Tim: I'm a parent now.

Jason, assuming he adopted a plant or something: Pfft, well, good luck with that.

—

*Exactly four years pass, and somehow nobody's pieced together / realized Tim and Bernard have a whole ahh child...*

Tim: Ugh, Darla has been such a handful lately. She heard Jason on call last week and now knows exactly four swear words, she uses them religiously.

Bruce: Darla didn't already know swear words?

Dick: Your friend? Isn't she, like, in her twenties..?

Tim:

Tim, with a horrible realization: You... When I talk about Darla, you thought I was... Referring to mine and Bern's friend, Darla?

Bruce: Who else would you be referring to?

Jason: I thought Bernard had a little cousin or somethin'.

Tim:

Tim: Uhh... I meant... I meant... My daughter.

Jason:

Bruce:

Dick:

Alfred: About time!

—

Darla: Why do you look like a skunk?

Jason: I died.

Darla: Shouldn't have done that.

Jason: It wasn't my choice! I got sold to a clown!

Darla: Skill issue.

Jason: Are you victim blaming?

Darla: No, just saying you have skill issue. I haven't been kidnapped by a clown!

Jason: I can change that.

Darla: Bet I won't die.

Jason:

Jason: PRETENDER, COME GET YOUR BRAT!

—

Darla: Why are you Robin?

Damian, a full on teenager, researching medical schools: Because I was chosen.

Darla: Why?

Damian: You ask a lot of questions.

Darla: Can I be Robin?

Damian: Why would you be Robin?

Darla: Papa was Robin.

Damian: Your point?

Darla, with a sh!t eating grin: I'm the blood daughter.

Damian, having flashbacks:

—

Dick: You're pretty smart for a four year old.

Darla: You're pretty smart for a high school dropout.

Dick:

Dick: Your Dad is a high school drop out!

Darla: And he didn't become a cop, in a city worse than Gotham!

Dick:

Dick: Well—

Darla: Fumbling aliens does run in our family though, I noticed...

Dick: Are... Are you talking about Connor or Kori?

Darla: Both, but I'm glad I don't have alien DNA, uncle Kon has mad skill issues, man.

Dick: How do you know any of this?!

Darla: Papa and I have talks over breakfast.

—

Bruce: . . .

Darla: I have that effect on people.

Bruce: What... What do you do for fun?

Darla: I like to ice skate!

Bruce: Can... Can I buy you a skating rink?

Darla: Only if we can play Chapel Roan on the speakers, and I want a disco ball.

Bruce: Done.

—

Tim: Thanks for watching Dolly, Duke. Was she good?

Duke: Oh, she was great! We s#%& talked B!

Darla: Damned emotionally constipated furry!

Tim: So proud.

—

Stephanie: So, aiming to be Robin and a Batgirl someday?

Darla: Oh, I'm gonna steal all your mantle at some point, then make my own.

Stephanie: An overachiever, I like it.

—

Cassandra: Do you want to learn how to be one with the shadows and remain completely silent?

Darla: Stealth training? YEs!

—

Jason: To be completely clear, I gave Bruce his first granddaughter.

Tim: I gave him his favorite in-law though.

Jason: WHAT?! B totally prefers Roy over Bernard!

Tim: Please, Bernard can cook, has Alfred's approval, graduated high school AND college with two majors, as well as opened a restaurant AND isn't a meta in any way!

Jason: He hasn't even saved the world! Once!

Tim: Oh, and he's not a ginger.

Jason:

Tim:

Dick, rushing in: WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT GINGERS!?

Jason: YOUR DAUGHTER IS ABOUT TO BE AN ORPHAN, PRETENDER!

Tim: I believe I've made a mistake...

—

Tim: Now, what do we do if someone asks to follow them down an alleyway?

Darla: That's how one set of my great grandparents died, do I look like a sucker to you?!

Bernard: Uhh, Tim..?

Tim: Then what?

Darla: Kick them in the crotch and call uncle Jay to shoot 'em!

Tim: No, wait, we don't kill people.

Darla: And why not?

Tim: I haven't figured out yet myself, but the most I can gather is that we can't afford those types of crashouts.

—

Babs: I guess you explain why Tim and Bernard had so many searches about babies...

Darla: . . . Do you have access to my search history?

Babs: Why..?

Darla: No reason.

—

Darla, at daycare, not having a clue what she's saying means: MY GRANDPA CAN F#%$ YOUR GRANDPA!

—

[wizardsix]

bottom line why henry/hans' romance works so well and isn't Out Of Nowhere is bc they were friends first. plain and simple.

tom mckay said (10:20) it best himself, but to summarize, their friendship is an anchor for henry, "the missing piece of the puzzle for henry is hans", and that henry and hans' relationship in the first game was "light and fluffy" but in the second it goes much deeper in so many different ways. these words actually hold weight bc the writers took the time to develop and Show this relationship grow.

it's so refreshing to see quality writing and care after back to back soulless and rushed games. the writing is mature overall, no modern lingo, no clear understanding from either of them of what they want or feel but without the focus being on internalized homophobia or a coming out arc. call it what you want, they're just good friends or it's something deeper, it works either way because the love they have for each other doesn't even need to be spoken to be understood.

and I'm honestly impressed w warhorse for doing this, bc yeah they could've just. not. they could've played ignorant and went "uhm we're going for historical accuracy☝️" and kept catering towards their horde of losers. don't get me wrong, it's great that games nowadays include optional gay romance, but sometimes it feels like devs include it just for diversity points (or bc players want it, not bc they actually care to explore these relationships which is why most of them feel so empty, e.g. making everyone playersexual). I personally find it much more impactful when the relationship is canon bc part of me is a little sick of our love being seen as lesser and that we have to be hush hush about it. so yeah I'm glad the medieval simulator that attracted dudes who think they're roman gladiators has been about two bisexuals being so grossly in love with each other this whole time. it's a big dick move and the funniest thing warhorse could've done

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

time traveling ballpit: "into the pit." don't you fuckin tell me it wasn't time travel, they call it the "time-traveling ballpit" IN the ultimate guide that is a CANON descriptor

spring bonnie replaces some kid's dad in real life: "into the pit." we dont talk about that enough that's the REAL funny part of the short

plushtrap gets hit by a train: "out of stock." pretty self-explanatory. also had human eyes and teeth

funtime foxy taxi driver: "room for one more." it's the first nightmare this dude has and so you're not even expecting it and suddenly funtime foxy is just THERE

never explaining what the FUCK "the new kid" ending was about: if you've read it you know what i mean

springtrap mpreg: "in the flesh." i know the proper fandom term is matpat mpreg but the man's retiring let's cut him a little bit of slack

afton fuckin explodes: "the man in room 1280." i was noooot fucking expecting THAT

fazgoo: "he told me everything." i think the name speaks for itself

PUPPET FORKLIFT RAMMING INTO 15FT AGONY AFTON MECH: "the cliffs epilogue." why did nobody warn me about that one. everyone warned me about the mpreg and the ballpit and nobody about charlie being strapped to a forklift in the attempt to push the giant 15ft afton mech screaming "I AM AGONY" like an edgy teenager into a fucking lake to drown him. this one's my favorite personally. charlie forklift certified

9yo burns "just say no" onto drug dealer's forehead for kicks: "gumdrop angel epilogue." they set that shit up like jake was gonna kill the guy but instead he took the WAY funnier option

sea bonnies: "sea bonnies." sea bonnies.

michael in the bushes: "you're the band." michael loses animatronic freddy's possessed head and stalks the person who bought it, digs through her attic and hides in her bushes, and then follows her to a new house and hides in her bushes AGAIN. then when her kid is kidnapped he drives her down to freddy's in an awkwardly silent car ride, saves her kid from puppet tentacles, and explains nothing

[cryptotheism]

One of the funniest things I ever saw was "nerd comedy night" at a local improv theater. Stay with me here. This place was DEAD. I think I was the youngest person there by 20 years. Maybe 12 people in a theater I've seen packed with 200.

It was one guy, and his openers. One of the openers was his kid. He introduced himself as a "corporate comedian" as in, when a corporation needs entertainment at a convention, he gets called.

This dude was the definition of what Patton Oswalt called "Funny, but whatever." Like, 90% of his jokes were recycled from shitty animated cartoons your mom would send you on Facebook back in 2013. Very "Aren't public bathrooms shitty?" Type stuff.

But I was fucking DYING the whole night. Not because the jokes were any good. They weren't good, but they weren't bad either. They were just nothing. I fucking loved it. Every single punchline was just an utter nothing burger of dead air, and he just kept soldiering on. Man put his whole pussy into it, and god bless him for it. Like this dude knew he was bombing, but that didn't stop him for one second, he slammed every ounce of charisma he had into

"Hey why don't the air dryers in the bathroom ever work?????"

SILENCE.

But what really fucking got me, what really fucking got me, was the bit before his closer. Everyone who knows stand up comedy knows you save your funniest bit for last. It's one you have down pat. You put your worst but right before it. If this dude was doing what he did on purpose, he would be a genius.

He put his whole pussy into the setup, nail the turn, and then lose confidence like 80% of the way into the punchline.

"nothing in the bathroom works! Nothing! Except for the sensor that flushes the toilet! You relax for two seconds and it's shooting water at your butt! That thing works too damn..., Uh, well. Heh. Haha. Heeh. (Mutters) it works too damn well, uh, folks."

Shit killed me. I was genuinely laughing so hard I think it confused the poor guy. I hope he knows that I still use that take today, and I think back to him every single time I do.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

hey so can I have a scenario with Kurt wagner having a crush and he’s kind of hanging with the group, and the topic of “your type” comes up cuz crush just got asked out by the group very hot bad boy hero and crush is just like ��Oh I don’t find bad boys or tough guys attractive at all. I like the opposite”. They like men who are cozy basically? (Kurt is cozy to be around once you know him).

~You Know You're Just My Type~

Pairing: Nightcrawler x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

Summary: A conversation about your type leads to some discoveries you were not prepared to make today- carpe diem... you guess

***

"I've got a question for you y/n." Jack announces as he walks back into the room that you're all hanging out in.

"Shoot." You say dismissively. Jack's cool and all but nothing good ever comes out of his mouth when he begins like that. Plus all did was go get a soda, what could he possibly have discovered he needed to ask in that 5 minutes?

"When are you going to let me take you on a date?" He asks. Across the room, Kurt hold his breath at the question. Jack had a habit of flirting with you, but he'd never asked you on a real date before now. Or at least not that he knew of. But Jack is attractive, Kurt's never seen anyone say no to the guy before and he's not convinced you will either.

"Excuse me?" You blink at him and then burst out laughing. "That's the funniest thing you've ever said if I'm honest." You shake your head and Kurt feels beyond relieved as he sighs.

"Give it a rest man you're barking up the wrongest of trees." Logan scoffs.

"And how would you know?" Jack looks at Logan.

"Because he's got a brain." You say.

"They're practically attached at the hip dude, if any person here would know what's what with her dating preferences it'd probably be Logan." Jean says.

"Blasphemy!" You scoff.

"Defamation!" Logan chimes.

"Character Assassination!" You add.

"You're literally leaning against each other as if you can't sit up on your own right now be serious." Scott scoffs.

"Wait a second, that's a good point- are you two dating?" Jack asks.

You and Logan share a look.

"Gross." You both say.

"Why would you ask that?" You scoff.

"We just established the two of you are basically one person." Jack says.

"Yeah- platonically." You say.

"Have you never been friends with a girl dude?" Logan asks.

"I mean yeah, I'm friends with Jean, and Storm, and y/n- we're just not as close as you and y/n seem to-"

"Well hang on you just asked y/n on a date, so that automatically makes things a little different." Logan cuts Jack off.

"You're telling me you wouldn't date y/n?"

"I'm not answering that. You're being weird." Logan says, shaking his head.

"Yeah and don't talk about me like I'm not right here." You say.

"Fine, why won't you go on a date with me?" Jack asks.

"You are not my type darling."

"Nonsense." He rolls his eyes.

"So what is your type?" Jean asks.

"More importantly, how is it not me?" Jack asks.

"Do we have to do this?" You sigh.

"I think we should, I wanna know." Jack smirks.

"You're rowdy and obnoxious and kind of a dick sometimes and surprise there's only room for me to be close to one guy who's kind of a dick- Logan's already taken the spot." You shrug.

"So if you stop being friends with Logan-"

"Hey, tread carefully asshole." Logan points at him.

"Yeah that sounds like the start of a threat." You say.

"Don't team up against me." Jack shakes his head.

"Fine so we know they're not your types but you still haven't answered what is." Jean presses.

"Does it matter?" You scoff.

"Why are you being so secretive about it?" Storm asks.

"I just don't think it changes anything for most of you." You say.

"But for some of us?" Scott asks.

"Maybe Jack here." You say.

"Just Jack?" Logan smirks.

"Go die." You side eye him.

"Just answer their question." Logan chuckles. You sigh heavily.

"I like someone kind, gentle, I guess more on the soft spoken side? Not a pushover but not abrasive. I want someone calm, none of the adrenaline junkie shit."

"Can you guess who she's thinking of?" Logan smirks. His eyes flit very briefly to the subject of his oh so subtle insinuation.

"Shut up. You piece of shit." You shove him slightly, but you are still leaning on him so not with enough force to knock him down. You hope no one was able to pick up on what he was trying to hint at to the rest of the room. Although with Kurt being more quiet than usual you can't help but wonder if he knows.

"Wait, are you thinking of someone particular?" Scott asks.

"No." You say firmly.

"Logan?" Jean presses.

"She says no." He shrugs.

"You are such a dick. You know they're not gonna let this go! I will have no peace so long as they think I was describing someone in particular." You groan.

"Well-"

"Shhhhh! You're the worst. I'm never telling you anything of importance ever again." You smack Logan's chest.

"So there is someone specific?" Storm asks.

"That why you won't date me? Because you have a crush on someone else?" Jack asks.

"I! Did not say I have a crush on someone else." You say.

"No but your second head basically did." Jean says.

"Okay, just so we're clear, I won't date you because you're you. Whether or not I have a crush on someone else is irrelevant to that decision." You tell Jack.

"Ouch." Jack grabs his chest as if you've wounded him.

"You'll be fine, walk it off." You roll your eyes.

"Come on- you can trust us. You know that." Jean says.

"That is so not the problem here. I didn't want to talk about any of this in the first place. Can we drop this? Now?"

"Okay when y/n wants us to know anything about that she will tell us herself guys." Scott says.

"Thank you Scott." You say. "I'm going to get a drink. Anyone want anything?" You ask standing up. You need a break from this nonsense.

"I just came back from the kitchen, I could've got you something." Jack says.

"I didn't want anything then."

"I'll take a beer." Logan says.

"Great- be back." You say, leaving the room. You walk down to the kitchen and grab a beer from the fridge for Logan and a bottle of water for yourself.

"Do you- actually have a crush on someone?" Kurt's voice surprises you as you shut the fridge door.

"Fucking Christ!" You shout as you clutch your chest.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." He blinks in surprise.

"We need to get you a bell, you're too quiet when you walk." You say waiting for your heart rate to slow.

"I'm sorry. Logan asked me to refill on snacks." Kurt says

"It's fine dude, what'd you ask me?"

"Just- if Logan was telling the truth about you having a crush on someone or just taunting you like he does?" Kurt asks. Your knee-jerk reaction is to lie, tell him Logan was just being a dick and there's no one, but how bad could it be if he knew- I mean he's asking after all.

"Uh- well he was definitely trying to tease me but he wasn't lying about it I- was describing a specific person, yes."

"Someone we know- I assume?" Kurt asks hesitantly. He's not even sure he wants to know what the answer is.

"Correct." You nod. This conversation feels so awkward. You wish he would just ask who it is if that's what he wants to know.

"And you... want to keep it a secret, who it is?"

"I want the person to know before everyone else does." You say. Quit beating around the bush and tell him already my GOD

"I don't want to pry." Kurt says.

"Kurt the person I'm talking about is you." You blurt out before you can convince yourself not to. Again.

"What?" His eyes snap up to meet yours.

"I was talking about you."

"Oh." He whispers.

"It's not a big deal and I'm only telling you because Logan's been giving me grief for the past couple of months and after what just happened I'm starting to think he'll tell you before I do so- I wanted to get it out there. While we're on the subject or whatever."

"You- you like me?" Kurt asks, astonishment laced through his quiet words.

"Don't make me regret telling you."

"I- I had no idea."

"Yeah I'm pretty good at that."

"No I mean- I didn't even know you paid attention to me."

"Of course I do."

"I like you too."

"You do?"

"More than anything. When Jack asked you out earlier I thought for sure you'd say yes and- I really hated the idea."

"I hate the idea of saying yes to Jack too." You quip. Kurt chuckles and you're glad that at least some of the tension has been cut by the joke.

"So- what happens now?"

"Now we go back in there and pretend this didn't happen because- I want us to figure things out before we tell everyone else." You say. 

"Okay, but what does figuring things out look like?" Kurt asks.

"A date. How's Friday?"

"I can do Friday." He nods.

"Okay, good, I'll meet you in the foyer at 8?"

"Where are we going?"

"Wherever the night takes us." You shrug.

"How do I dress for that?"

"Something you'll be comfortable in."

"Okay. Friday. 8pm. Now we go back in there and be normal?"

"Yep. Until at least Friday at 9."

"What happens after 9?"

"Depends on how the date's going."

"Cool- you should head back first you've been gone longer." Kurt suggests.

"Good idea. See you in a few." You say leaving the kitchen. You're a little confused on how that all just happened but you're pretty sure you have to thank Logan for that? You're not totally sure why yet, but later, when you're alone with your thoughts and able to dissect this whole evening properly, you'll hopefully understand what the hell just took place.

***

[hywonuka]

keep that in mind | jww

every step that i take is a mistake to you, chapter 1

Sypnosis: After accepting the dare from his friends of making Y/N fall for him within 4 months, Wonwoo seems to realize how hard —and complicated— this is actually gonna be for him, due to awkward encounters and shared environments.

Pairing: college!wonwoo x college!fem!reader

Genre: college au, falling for a bet or dare trope, slow burn

Warnings: none

Word count: 2k

intro | chapter 1 | chapter 2

9:30 in the morning. Wonwoo is late. Way too late. He wore the first thing he saw on his closet, and ran away to his faculty building, knowing he wouldn’t make it to his first class. He cursed at himself for not waking up in time, and promised himself he wouldn’t drink that much next time he went out with the guys, which was an obvious lie he always told himself.

As he was running to his destination, he couldn’t help but think about last night, and the damn dare he now had to fulfill. Why did he say yes? Firstly, he doesn’t know how to talk to women. Secondly, it’s not like she was unknown to him. In fact, they both were part of the same friend group, which, in Wonwoo's eyes, makes everything more awkward. And last (but not least), they both were part of the student council. Funniest part is that, even with all the opportunities he had have, he has barely ever talked to her, not because he didn’t like Y/N, but because he had no idea of what to say to her. He should just approach her, out of nowhere? No way, he couldn’t. Way too shy for that.

How was he gonna do this now? He only had 4 months, not enough time for him, but now he couldn’t back out. No, god, he couldn’t. The guys will mock him if he even thinks of backing out. He is fucked up and he knows it.

He glances at his phone, to check the hour. 9:45, and his next class isn’t until 10:30. He decided to keep walking, as the Engineering faculty building was nearby, and he already missed the first class of the day. He was passing by a small field with flowers, when he saw a familiar silhouette, which made him stop on his feet. “Hao? What are you doing here?

“Morning man. Just picking up some flowers for Asher”, Minghao said, as he showed Wonwoo a small bouquet he made himself. Asher was Minghao's partner and one of Y/N closest friends.

“Flowers, huh? What’s the occasion?”

“None at all, just felt like it”

“Huh?”

“Of course, you wouldn’t understand”

“W-why?” The tall one asked, startled. He knew his friend wasn’t fond of the idea of the dare, but he wouldn’t think that bad of him now, would he?

“Cuz you are a virgin and a loser who has never even touched a woman before”. Yeah, he thinks that bad of him now. On a normal day, Minghao would reassure Wonwoo about that topic, but seems like he won’t be doing it anymore.

“No need to be that harsh dude”

“And no need to say yes to such a dare. Wonwoo, have you thought of the consequences of this?”

“I… No, I haven’t. But is not like I’m gonna win it”. At this point, Wonwoo was trying to excuse himself, even though deep down he really thought he wouldn’t make it. He cannot make Y/N fall for him in 4 months. He needs more time for that. And it’s not like he knows how to make her fall for him.

“Whatever. When everything is messed up, if you come ask me for advice all I’m gonna say is ‘I told you so’, got it?”, as he said those words, he finished the bouquet, looking at it with a fond smile.

“You are giving it to her now?”

“Yeah, gonna see them before their classes start”

“Can I…?” Minghao gave a deathly glare to the tall one. He knew he was just asking as Asher and Y/N were classmates, which meant that Minghao was going to their faculty building.

“You are lucky you are my friend, cuz if not I would have kicked your ass at that question”

“But can I accompany you or not…?”

“Do as you please”, and with that, Minghao started walking towards the Art and Design faculty building. With no hesitation, Wonwoo ran after him, trying to make small talk, even if the other wasn’t really in the mood to talk to him.

They finally reached the Art and Design faculty building, which was just a couple minutes away from the Engineering faculty building. Minghao’s face changed completely as he was looking for his partner, which Wonwoo found endearing. And, if Minghao already seemed whipped while looking for Asher, the moment he landed his eyes on them, his whole expression lightened up. He quickly walked up to them, calling out their name. “Asher!!”

The goth stopped walking as they heard their boyfriend’s voice. The person accompanying them also stopped, which Wonwoo recognised even before she turned around. It was Y/N.

He suddenly felt his palms getting sweaty. Damn, how was he gonna do this now?? Should he approach herdirectly? Follow Minghao and just join the conversation?

“Hao!! What are you doing here?” Asher’s face lightened up at the sight of their boyfriend. It was that moment that Wonwoo noticed their makeup. He already knew they were goth, but never really looked at their makeup. It was pretty cool.

“Just wanted to give some flowers to my monarch”

“God, you know you can call me princess”

“Monarch sounds cooler”, he said as he leaned on to kiss their lips and give them the bouquet. Wonwoo couldn’t help but look away, feeling he was intruding on an intimate moment between the couple. His eyes landed on Y/N.

She was beautiful, that's something he always knew. It wasn’t a surprise she got many admirers. Damn, it’s gonna be impossible to win this dare. He didn’t realize he was staring at her, until she smiled at him, making him blush and look away. Great, now she will think he is even more of a loser than he already is.

“Are you going to this afternoon's student council meeting?” Her sweet voice surprised Wonwoo, not because he hadn't heard it before, but because it was directed at him. He winked a couple times before answering. “Y-yeah, gotta go”

Minghao looked briefly at the interaction between both of them, slightly annoyed, before turning back his attention to his partner.

“Oh, cool, I’ll see you there then!! It’s always good to see a familiar face at those places”, and she smiled at him. He could feel his heart race, due to the nervousness. He was about to say something, but the sudden sound of Minghao’s voice interrupted him. “Wonwoo, don’t you have to go to class?

Wonwoo looked at his phone. It was 10:27 and he, in fact, had to run to his next class. He waved them goodbye and ran to his faculty building, with the image of Y/N’s smile imprinted in his mind. These were gonna be the hardest 4 months of his life.

꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.°.‧ ꩜‧.°.𖦹 .°.‧꩜ ‧.°. 𖦹.

Being part of the student council wasn’t something he had planned when he started college, but somehow knew would end up happening. After all, he has been class president during middle and high school.

He didn’t mind being his class president in uni. Been there, done that, he thought himself as he was elected, but things escalated way too fast, and without even knowing how, he was stuck in the student council. It was fun, and he got to be around some of his friends, such as Jeonghan and Minghao. That’s how he got to meet Y/N, and to be in the huge friend group both of them were part of.

Bzzz, bzzz

The sudden phone buzz scared him as he was on his way to the student council. He took his phone from his back pocket, and wasn’t surprised when he saw the notifications.

[vernon 🥸 has added you to a gc]

[vernon 🥸 has changed the gc name to wonwoo being a loser pt 4]

Wonwoo rolled his eyes at the screen, knowing perfectly fine what this was about.

[minghao psycho]: pt 4??

[mingyu uni]: i think he already made a fool of himself like 3 times with one of our dares

[mingyu uni]: you werent there last time tho

[minghao psycho]: makes sense

There was an unspoken rule about their dares. If you weren’t at the hangout, you didn’t get to know what the others were dared to, and no one had ever complained about it. Except for that one time in which Jeonghan was dared to ignore Cheol for a week, and as Cheol couldn’t make it for the hangout, he was heavily confused if he had messed up or if it had just been a simple dare. He even had begged the rest of the guys to break their rule and tell him the truth.

So it wasn’t a surprise for Wonwoo that Vernon created a new group chat. In fact, he was kinda expecting it to happen.

[vernon 🥸]: well wonwoo, any update??

[vernon 🥸]: time is passing by~

[wonwoo]: vernon its been A DAY?!?!

[wonwoo]: lemme breathe haven’t recovered from the hangover yet lmao

[tiger wannabe]: morning?? tf is this about now😭😭

[mingyu uni]: its fucking 5 pm dude wdym morning

Wonwoo laughed at his friends, as they started a discussion over hoshi’s sleeping tendencies. He kept walking, as another notification appeared on his lockscreen.

[minghao psycho]: are u coming??

The tall one laughed at the contact name of Minghao in his phone. He wanted to add him as ‘Minghao psychology’ but it was too long and just writing psycho made everything funnier.

[wonwoo]: omw, will be there in 5 mins

[minghao psycho]: nice

[minghao psycho]: btw she is here

[minghao psycho]: and asked bout u

Wonwoo could feel his heart beating faster. Why on Earth would she ask about him? Did she know about the dare? No, that’s impossible. Wonwoo hasn’t even interacted at all with her.

[wonwoo]: what she asked?

[minghao psycho]: if u were coming

[minghao psycho]: i would say try flirting with her in front of me and ill kick your ass

[minghao psycho]: but lets be honest

[minghao psycho]: u wont even look her way

[wonwoo]: what a dickhead

[minghao psycho]: deserved

[minghao psycho]: best part of this dare u dont even have the guts to talk to women

Wonwoo put his phone in silence and back to one of his pockets, ignoring his friend's texts. He is kinda tired of the same jokes all the time, and now that Minghao has also started to say those comments, just because he accepted the stupid dare. He wouldn’t admit it out of loud, but it hurts his ego.

After a couple minutes, he finally arrived where the meeting was taking place, and quickly sat down next to Jeonghan, smiling at him and Minghao. He looked around and without noticing, his gaze landed on Y/N. She was happily chatting with some of her friends, as she was about to start the meeting. Wonwoo couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. Both his friends sat next to him noticed, but said nothing about it.

“Well, now that everyone is here, the meeting can begin!!” The sweet voice of Y/N made Wonwoo come back to reality. He was at a student council meeting, in order to prepare this year’s university open days.

As the meeting progressed, Wonwoo could feel his concentration span diminished. All he could think about is getting back to his dorm to play league with Soobin, one of his classmates. He was already in the game, as Wonwoo saw on Discord. Agh, and he was stuck in that stupid meeting.

"Are you fine with the idea, Wonwoo?” Jeonghan’s voice startled the one with glasses, who had absolutely no idea of what was being discussed. Of course, he would do whoever in his same situation would do. “Yeah, sounds great”

Jeonghan smiled at his friend, and then at Y/N, nodding at her. Wonwoo was confused, what did that mean??

“Then it seems that we will be working together, Wonwoo!!”

Wonwoo looked at Y/N, and then at Jeonghan, trying not to look too confused. Working together in what? God, if only he hadn’t been lost in thought.

“Y-yeah, it will be great…”

As the meeting finished, Wonwoo ran to Minghao and grabbed his arm, pulling him out of the room they were in. Minghao already knew what his friend was gonna ask, and wanted to see him suffer a bit more.

“W-why am I working with Y/N at?!”

“Some collaboration between Computer Engineering and Design. I can’t wait to see Vernon’s reaction to this”

A/N: yaaay, 1st chapter published!! i hope yall enjoy it, i honestly had a lot of fun writing this and thinking of different ways to make wonwoo more embarrassed :3 ill try posting next chapter next week, so i hope yall stay tuned!! you can ask to be added to the tag list if you want to! im also posting a masterlist of my fics (and this one too) and posting to my profile so it can be easier to find the fics :)

Taglist: @adonisbtch @mydearhangel @wonvsmile @wonuilu @peachyaeger @minwonwoozi

[camilyscove]

A LOVE UNLIKE ANY OTHER . JJ MAYBANK ꩜

trope : enemies to lovers .

genre : fluff . ꩜

summary : you start having your doubts about whether jj really was the worst person you met after the pogues lock you in a room together .

IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU how much you actually liked jj. it pained you to admit such a thing, even if it was just in your head.

ever since you and jj met, there was a rivalry between you two. the other pogues didn't understand why, and as much as they tried to make you two get along, it never worked.

you were at a party when you first met jj, and you had been trying to find your friend, kie, when some drunk dude stumbled into you, his drink spilling onto your shirt.

you hitched your breath, muttering out a small 'shit,' when you looked up at the boy.

it was strange, but you felt your chest tighten. your heartrate picked up, and you couldn't rip your eyes away from him. he was so.. perfect, with those ocean blue eyes of his and his dimples that you found absolutely adorable. you wanted to be the one to make those dimples appear in a laugh, wanted to look into those gorgeous eyes of his and just admire them. and his hands. you wanted to lace your fingers through his—

"damn, my fault, mamacita," he said sarcastically. he was dazed, and his eyes were clouded. you blinked, giving him a look of disbelief.

"this top was $50," you deadpanned, your heart dropping to your stomach. you looked down at the stain you knew wasn't going to come off, biting your lip nervously. he scoffed, rolling his eyes as he placed a hand on your shoulder for balance.

"well, obviously you're a kook, so just buy another one." you stared at him, suddenly all those thoughts about how beautiful he looked disappeared. the only thought you had now was to not beat the living shit out of him.

"I bought it with my own money," you informed, pushing his hand off you shoulder. he squinted at you, as if he were trying to detect any sincerity in your sober eyes. "just because my family is rich, doesn't mean that I use my parents money to buy all my stuff."

"nahhhh," he trailed off, a stupid smile painting across his face. "all of y'all kooks are fuckin' lazy, 'ya feel me? us pogues gotta work our asses off, while you guys don't have to work for shit." his words were slurring together, and he laughed as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

you knew this guy was definitely out of it, that he didn't understand what the hell he was saying. but you still took it personally. you were tired of everyone assuming you were some rich little spoiled princess that got everything she wanted, because it wasn't true. your parents worked hard to support your family. it wasn't like they just pulled all the money they made out of their ass, and you didn't just throw their money away for unnecessary things.

you actually worked at the country club; you were a cart girl and would waitress from time to time. your parents wanted you to learn that you would have to work for the things you wanted, too; that they wouldn't just hand you money when you wanted it.

"since you seem pretty fucking slow, i'm gonna let you know that I actually work at the country club to pay for the shit I want, but i dont blame you for not knowing, because obviously you've never been there," you bit back, and he knit his eyebrows at you.

"i'm slow? who the fuck do you think you are?"

"yes, you're very slow, you dumb fucking blond--"

right before you could finish, kie came up beside you.

"hey, jayj, i see you met—“ she cut herself off as she took in the tension between you two. “jj?” she said, looking at the boy who was fuming. she turned to you, a questioning look on her face. "what happened?"

you inhaled deeply, staring up at the boy who had your patience running thin. "this drunk ass dude spilled his drink on me, and he started calling me a lazy kook who uses my parents money to buy shit," you said lowly, not breaking eyes contact with him once.

"he's drunk, y/n. he has no idea what he's talking about--"

"drunk words speak sober thoughts. you've said it yourself."

she blinked, sighing before muttering an apology on your behalf to the jj guy before pulling you away. she scolded you for arguing with him, saying that he was actually cool if you just got to meet him, that he was drunk and was just saying things off the top of his head. you scoffed and shook your head, refusing to listen to any of her excuses about her friend.

from then on, your relationship between jj was composed of insults thrown at one another and situations where the pogues had to hold you back from swinging at the dude.

even though jj made it clear he had a deep hatred for you, you were still accepted into the group as one of them. they respected how you understood what hard-work was and that you actually made an effort to actually have the things you owned, rather than just begging your parents for money.

it had been two years since the first interaction between you and jj, except now the pogues were done with your shit. they despised how one of you just had to start something up, causing a whole argument to spark up between the two of you. so they came up with a plan.

you were laying flat on your stomach on your bed, reading a book as you listened to the waves crashing against the shore in the background, the result of leaving your window open. your phone began to ring, and you put the book down before answering the call. it was john b.

"yo, we're all going to meet up at the château in like, 10 minutes," you heard him say on the other end of the phone. you sighed, turning to lay on your back.

"i'm on lockdown from sneaking out last time."

"when are you not?" he said with a laugh, and you rolled your eyes.

"y'know what? fuck it. my parents are probably asleep, anyway. my brother will cover for me if they wake up and notice i'm gone, " you said, standing up to pull your shoes on.

"alright, see 'ya later."

he hung up, and you slid your window all the way open. you jumped onto the tree right next to your window, climbing down the ladder before hitting the ground and getting into your new car. you drove away, praying that this would be a lucky time you didn't get caught.

when you finally arrived at the château, you padded up the steps of the porch before swinging the door open, met by surprise as someone grabbed you from behind. you immediately elbowed them in the chest, making them loosen their grip, and before you could hurt them any further, two other people got a hold of you. you tried to scream, but they covered your mouth and dragged you to the back of the château.

"sorry, babes, but we have to do it," you heard kie's voice say. your voice of suprise and confusion was muffled beneath john b's hand.

you were pushed into big john's office, the door locking behind you.

you slammed your fists against the door, screaming for kie and john b and pope to let you out. you were so focused onto getting out of the room that you didn't notice jj sitting on the other side of the room.

"they're not gonna open it, dumbass."

his voice caught you by surprise, and you turned to see him spinning around in big john's chair. you scoffed.

of course.

"you're not leaving until you guys become friends!" you heard pope say from the other side of the door.

"besties," kie corrected, her voice a whisper.

"I'm not saying besties," he protested.

"you have to say besties," john b confirmed, and you heard more aggravated whispers until pope finally caved in.

"until you guys become besties!" you heard kie laughing as pope said, "there, you happy?"

"no way they locked me in a room with you," you said, your jaw going slack as you stared at him in disgust.

"trust me, i'm not any happier than you are, miss kook princess"

"this is the most betrayed i've ever felt in all my seventeen years of living."

"that's a pretty long time."

you looked around before rushing to the windows, but before you could even try to get them open, jj spoke up. "they're painted shut. no way out of this one, mamacita."

"how many times have I told you not to call me that?"

"I dunno."

"exactly. too many times to count, dickhead." he began to go on a rant about how improper it was for you to say such a thing. you sighed and slid down the wall, leaning your head against it as you closed your eyes. now you had to listen to his voice for— God knows how long.

it was a nightmare.

you couldn’t believe you had snuck out again just to be locked into a room with jj— did the pogues not understand that you were already on thin ice with your parents?

about an hour had passed, and jj was still talking about anything that came up on his mind. it irritated you, and you had just about enough when he started to sing.

“jj, can you just shut the fuck up?” you snapped. he looked up at you, a little surprised at the intensity in your voice.

“like, i know the other pogues aren’t the only ones that are tired of this back-and-forth shit.”

jj looked up, meeting your eyes from across the room where you sat next to the door. he had a little doubt in his eyes, and he hesitated for a minute before standing up and moving to sit down next to you.

you knitted your eyebrows together, confused about the close proximity. jj looked down at you, silent as he observed the all-too-familiar features he liked to secretly trace with his eyes when you weren’t looking.

“i…”

you had no idea where this was going.

“i’m sorry.”

you blinked. “what?”

“i said i’m sorry. i’ve always kind-of been a dick to you,” he mumbled, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers as he avoided eye-contact.

“kind-of is an understatement.” he shot you a playful glare, and you laughed. “i should be apologizing, too, jj. i made things much more serious than they needed to be.”

jj locked eyes with you, and suddenly you felt that feeling again. that first emotion when you first saw him at that party.

you seemed to finally remember how gorgeous he was, with his sea-ridden beach-blond hair that fell onto his forehead perfectly and those sweet blue eyes. they looked dazed, just like they did at the party, except he wasn’t high or drunk. he was with you.

to him, it felt the same. even better, actually.

“look— i gotta be honest, okay?” he started, nervously biting his fingernails. you nodded. “all that stuff i said about you being a kook was.. well, it was just me trying to be a jerk. i don’t actually think of you as one of them. y-you’re a pogue. one of us.”

“thank you,” you said quietly, a small smile painting across your face.

“and— i never hated you. i just didn’t want to confront my feelings because i don’t do feelings. so i made myself think that you were a bitch and—“

“wait, what?”

he stopped, and you felt like the weights had been lifted off you shoulders. it wasn’t just you?

”feelings? what do you mean by that?”

jj’s eyes widened, and he took a deep breath as he ran a hand through his hair. “fuck i— i said to much, okay? just.. ignore what i said—“

but before he could finish his anxious rambling, you cupped his jaw with your palm before leaning in to press a soft kiss against his lips.

it was mind-altering. you had always dreamed that this would happen, but then you’d kick yourself for thinking such a thing. now, you realized it wasn’t such a stupid thought as jj kissed you back.

you finally pulled away to catch your breath, and you laughed softly. jj had the biggest grin on his face; like a little kid waking up the morning of christmas.

“you—“

“yeah, jj. i like you, too,” you whispered, grabbing one of his hands and lacing your fingers through them just like you wanted to at that party.

“you’re not just doing this so that you can leave this room?”

you gave jj a look, and he laughed. “yeah, i am, actually. i kissed you because i want to leave this room that badly.”

“hey, what are we gonna tell the pogues?” he asked. you shrugged.

“i have no idea.”

“what if we just, like, smooched in front of them? y’know, a lot.”

“please never say smooch again.” he frowned. “and you’re just saying that because you wanna kiss me again.”

“you know me too well,” he breathed out before leaning in to kiss you one more time. he then pulled you up with him off the floor, about to bang on the door and tell the rest of the pogues that you guys made up. but he stopped himself, turning to look at you.

“can i be your boyfriend?” he asked, a nervous waver in his voice. you smiled, taking a minute to gaze at his face before nodding and squeezing his hand.

“of course, jj.”

and this time, he didn’t have to look for the sincerity in your eyes.

authors note : this is my first fanfic so any constructive criticism would be appreciated ! thank you for reading . 💞

[busket]

What… was the finding dory debacle… ?

omg ok it's a riot. funniest and creepiest thing to ever happen to me on tumblr.

in 2018 after seeing finding dory I made a short little review post. I said it was OK, but some parts could have been better, and modern Pixar movies feel more like kids movies whereas older ones feel more general family oriented

pretty bland, right? I got some folks agreeing with me, and some folks asking my opinions on other Pixar movies. I specifically remember someone asking me about Inside Out which I ignored since I haven't seen it. then come The Weird Replies.

very tumblr. feeling a little saucy about this very extreme reaction to me saying I didn't particularly like a children's movie, I made another post and got yet another WILD response from the same person

then came the asks. again from this same guy. this was a few days or a week or two after the finding dory post so id forgotten about it lol. I think after this point I blocked them bc obviously I would

then I got some asks from someone different. note how the username is different but still has the same cadence, like they were generated from the same random username generator. older screenshot so they look different, the bottom ask was posted first, chronologically so read bottom to top:

at this point I'm getting bored of this, but the asks don't stop. in case it wasn't clear, this is the same person, making new sideblogs and sending me CONSTANT messages. I would come home to like, 20 to 50 messages in my inbox, goading me into responding to them and talking to them and to stop ignoring them. now I'm getting creeped out so I just block all that I get. then they start sending me dms on Twitter. ignoring isn't working so finally I respond and say something like "dude you're really creeping me out now. what do you want? what can I do to make you leave me alone?"

their response was that they had sent me the Inside Out ask, and got offended when I didn't answer it. they told me that they just wanted to make a friend online and it was really disheartening to reach out to someone to strike up a conversation and to be ignored. that all they really wanted was to talk to me and be my friend.

I reminded them that they told me I should have gotten mangled and disfigured in the car accident I was in the year prior and that they wished death on my family and why the hell would I ever be friends with them

thankfully they apologized but said "can I just ask that you don't block me anymore I would like another chance to talk to you"

I said no. absolutely not, leave me alone. I blocked them one final time in Twitter and that was the end of it